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gas-stxtion · 1 year

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@rejectshumanity said: ♡ ♢ ☼ for the munday meme!

(what is this? an interrogation? come back with a warrant - open)

//hehe thank you <3 i'll put these under the cut b/c i never fucking shut up lmao

♡ What are your top five favorite things about yourself?

//how daaaare you make me be nice to myselffffff

no jokes aside <3 anyway.

i like that i'm generally a nice person! i think that it's important to be kind when you can, because there's enough darkness in the world. why not be kind when you have the chance?

... on another note, though, i'm really happy that i'm getting better at standing up for myself and handling conflict. because being kind is important, but sometimes you gotta be a bitch and that's life! i was rereading something i sent a friend years ago regarding a conflict i was having at the time, and i was astounded by it lmao like... oh my god. my dude. you have very good reasons to be upset and it's okay to say "i'm mad at this person" without adding a million disclaimers that it's probably not their fault!!

i genuinely think i'm *so* fucking funny, and for better or worse, you will certainly hear my jokes.

i'm a good listener. when people are having a hard time and need someone to talk to, i'm good at like... just offering a listening ear. i may not always have advice but i can generally listen and chat and help someone talk through it if that's what they need.

i don't like to judge people unless they give me very, very good reason to, especially if i don't know them. i try to assume ignorance more than i'll assume malice, though i'm also trying to get better at recognizing when the line between those can get a bit blurred haha.

♢ What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?

//gimme that salted caramel <333 though honestly a long-time favorite is like. anything with cherries. that's the good shit.

☼ Who are your top five favorite fictional characters?

//CRACKS KNUCKLES.

okay for the sake of not going on forever, i'll just list five characters that aren't muses of mine (at least not on this blog). because we all know mr jack townsend is number one but like. others deserve a shot. for fun, i'll also explain myself a bit :3c

dr. robert langdon - the da vinci code (and other dan brown books)

i was obsessed with these books a completely normal amount as a middle schooler (lying). something about this like... charming middle-aged professor who keeps finding himself in the middle of massive conspiracies usually related in some way to religion and frequently having his life put in danger? and saves the day by being a fucking nerd? what a dude!

arthur morgan - red dead redemption 2

if you were there for my rdr2 fixation (which most of you definitely weren't lmao) then uhhh yeah <3 genuinely i had a huge crush on this character and was so obsessed with him for so long. the yearning was out of control, folks. i do still have a lot of fondness for him, but tbh some not-so-fun interactions in the fandom really put me off of the whole series for a while. he still means a lot to me though!

rhys - tales from the borderlands

would it be exaggerating to say that rhys tftbl is the reason i'm trans? probably. but y'know something about him really resonated with me at a time when i was really going through some gender fuckery and trying to figure myself out. idk what it says about me that that shitty little twink helped me figure myself out a bit, but anyway.

evelyn mckinnon - accounts from a lonely broadcast station

had to list at least one woman lmao- but yeah i really love evelyn. she's such an incredibly written character and every time i reread (or. rather. re-listen to) the series i actually get a little choked up because her narrative is so *fascinating* and well-done to me. like wow we love a tragic cringefail woman who has to face her own mistakes and become better, not just for her own sake but for others'!!! and face the fact that her fuck-ups hurt more than just herself!!!

evelyn is one of the many characters i'm considering for the horror multimuse i talk about sometimes. and maybe i'll even let her stay a cis woman- i'm kidding ASDFJKL; but like. fr. we'll see.

charlie kelly - it's always sunny in philadelphia

honorable mention for the trashiest man i'm currently thinking about lmao- so i started watching iasip because i wanted to see the insanity for myself and. wow all of these characters are terrible. but god it's so fun to see them in action. and charlie is by far my favorite. he's illiterate. he drinks paint. he eats cat food for fun. he's an artist. he makes a living beating rats to death with a stick. he's a wet paper bag of a man. he's very deeply traumatized and doesn't realize it.

he's the perfect man.

#you know this whole thing is one big experiment‚ right? and you're the little mouse? {ooc}#rejectshumanity #the phone is twenty five cents a minute‚ paid in advance‚ no exceptions {answered}#//thank you dani!!!#//wow i went on for a while lmao

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piggy-i-broke-the-conch · 3 years

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LotF Iceberg Meme

I haven't seen one of these before so I decided to make my own. Full explanation under the cut! (art on second tier is by@/sinnamonralph and art on third tier is by admin huck of @/ask-jalph )

tw- brief non-descriptive mentions of rape/sexual assault

Surface:

jalph memes- kind of self explanatory, also just lotf memes in general

maurice is a memelord- the popular headcanon that maurice is a dank memer

character name puns- the many puns you see in lotf fans' usernames, e.g.- memerice, jackass merridick, etc

simon deserved better- he really did

1963 and 1990 movies- i think most people know about these two film adaptations. the 1963 version is objectively better

c sharp jokes- i just thought of this one while i was writing out the explanation and couldn't be bothered to go back and add it, sorry. jokes based around jack bragging that he can sing c sharp in chapter 1

Shallow:

lotf 100 minifics- a popular series of oneshots on AO3 by the user queencrank, largely centred around smut

roger x rocks- popular (?) crack ship, sadly i have been subjected to rule 34 of this

surname headcanons- since only jack and percival have canon surnames, lots of fans make up surnames for the other characters, e.g.- maurice hall, roger moore (both my headcanons)

magic conch- the subject of a spongebob episode which parodies lotf, appears in a lot of memes outside the fandom

lotf rejected by 17 publishers- lotf was initially rejected many times before eventually being published, i think this one is common knowledge

lotf based on william golding's time in ww2- his exposure to the horrors of human nature during his time in the war inspired the core themes of the novel, again probably common knowledge for those who have studied the book

simon is jesus- simon is heavily implied to be an allegorical figure representing jesus (the link is much more explicit in earlier drafts of the novel). william golding expands on this idea in his essay 'fable', i'd recommend reading it if you're curious.

roger and simon are canonically POC- i added this one because i often see fanart of them (mainly roger tbf, though i have seen some of simon as well) as white so figured it wasn't completely common knowledge. both are described as having darker skin tones in the novel.

all female lotf- the controversial all-female film adaptation of lotf announced back in 2017. the idea was scrapped (presumably due to backlash and staff changes) and it is now going to be an all-male adaptation directed by luca guadagnino! i'm so hyped for it!!!

pig's head is satan- the eponymous 'lord of the flies' is based on beelzebub, another title for satan (or sometimes a separate demon depending on who you ask)

piggy's real name is charles- not sure how common this is tbf but i often see people stating piggy's real name as charles in fanfiction. there isn't evidence for this in canon so i assume it is just a popular fan headcanon

Mid-Depth:

nopeimnotrussian art- i see art by this person literally everywhere when i'm looking up lotf fanart and i only found out who they were today. they make a ton of jalph content and generally seem pretty cool.

EDIT- ok so the art for this tier was supposed to be something by nopeimnotrussian but I messed up and used a picture that was drawn by someone else (aka sinnamon ralph, also a very cool artist with a nice username)! apologies, i'll make sure to be more careful in the future when using fanart. and thank you to the commenter who corrected me!

ask jalph- an ask blog i also see art from everywhere (particularly art by one of their admins, admin huck). also applies to lotf ask blogs in general, there are a lot of very cool and creative ones out there!

lotf stageplays/musicals- i was going to list a specific example but there are so many of these it was difficult to choose one. i really want to see one someday

retribution- another popular lotf fanfic written by circadian lily on fanfiction.net/AmRye on AO3. i'd highly recommend reading this one, it's so good

lotf is a fanfic- lotf is partially a satire of 'the coral island' by r.m. ballantyne and other similar coming-of-age adventure stories for boys which were popular at the time. the main characters are called ralph and jack in both works, and some phrases in lotf are taken almost word for word from the coral island.

piggy's real name is peterkin- the character peterkin in the coral island (see above) seems to have partially been the inspiration for both simon and piggy. the name simon may have been based on peterkin (as peter from the bible later took on the name simon), but i like to consider piggy's real name to be peterkin since it isn't already being used by another character as it is.

eastern bunny- an artist who made several popular fanarts i often see being reposted (such as one of jack and ralph holding child versions of the other major characters, and one of jack holding a spear up to ralph's neck). sadly i'm fairly certain their tumblr has been deleted, but they are very talented and i love their work.

ralph's mum- ralph's mother is mentioned to have been absent from ralph's life in the book but it is unclear whether she left her family voluntarily or died. i've seen different interpretations in fanfiction.

characters that only appear in the 1990s movie- there are several characters mentioned by name in the 1990s movies that did not appear in the original book, such as dominic. i always feel excited when i see people mention them (same for obscure characters from the book itself like stanley and walter)

irl lotf- there are actually multiple cases of events similar to lotf occurring in real life, the most well-known one being this one i believe

Deep:

1963 movie deleted scenes- there are around 2 hours of additional footage which were cut from the 1963 film adaptation of lotf, including several important scenes which were key to ralph's character development such as the interaction between jack and ralph in chapter 3 of the novel. while i sadly haven't been able to find a lot of these deleted scenes, you can see some of them online such as the one i just mentioned, which is available here.

fable essay- this essay was written as part of a larger collection of essays entitled 'dreams'. it is included in the back of the education edition of lotf which is widely available in bookstores in my country (england), although i imagine you can find it elsewhere if you want to read it. it provides some interesting insights into golding's thought process while writing the novel as well as some extra details on characters and themes.

original first chapter- lotf originally had an extra chapter at the start which expanded more on the nuclear war occurring in the background of the present novel and the circumstances behind the plane crash which triggered the novel's events. this chapter was later cut as many of the publishers who rejected the novel particularly disliked it. the original draft of lotf is currently being held by the university of exeter in england. it's my dream to go and read it one day.

living lord of the flies- a 2013 mini-documentary narrated by tom gaman (who played simon in the 1963 movie) about the production of the movie and his experiences during filming.

alkitrang dugo- a lesser-known filipino lotf movie adaptation from 1975. i haven't been able to find this anywhere so i haven't seen it sadly, but i know it had both male and female characters stranded on the island.

jack is based on younger william golding- i don't remember where i read this so admittedly i'm not sure how reliable it is, but i feel that there is some basis to jack being based on william golding himself. golding was fairly problematic when he was younger (and in general actually), having once attempted to rape a 15 year old when he was 18, for example.

continuity errors- i thought i made a post on this a while back but i can't find it for the life of me (it might have been on the since-deleted lotf amino actually)- essentially, there a couple of continuity errors in the novel which i think about excessively even now, i.e.- henry is referred to as a littlun and a bigun at different points in the novel, maurice's height is inconsistent, and bill is simultaneously in both ralph and jack's tribes for a bit.

Mariana Trench:

lotf is set in 1952- i've seen a lot of debate about when exactly lotf is set, and there is technically a canon answer to this. in the original draft of lotf, the novel ends with the time and date: '16.00, 2nd October, 1952.' however, it's possible that this would have been changed in the final version of the novel. i personally headcanon the year lotf is set in as 1954, the same year it was published.

beating scene in 1963 movie was real- this scene was based on the scene in the novel where jack orders wilfred to be beaten for essentially no reason. in the movie, the actor volunteered to actually be beaten for this scene.

irl roger- the actor who played roger in the 1963 movie, roger (!!!) elwin, was basically just his character in real life. apparently he used to throw live lizards into fans while on set. when the production staff asked him why he was doing it, he answered that he wanted to see how many pieces they would be cut into.

rape scene- the scene in the novel where the boys hunt and kill the sow that later becomes the lord of the flies is apparently supposed to resemble a rape, illustrated by phrases such as 'wedded to her in lust' and by the place roger stabs her in. i was pretty freaked out when i first saw this interpretation of that scene, it gives an already disturbing scene an even darker context.

william golding performed social experiments on his students- golding was a teacher at bishop wordsworth school in salisbury, england while he was writing lotf. during this time he frequently ran experiments on his students in which he split them into groups and set them against each other, much like in lotf. some of the characters in lotf may also have been based on golding's students.

deleted jalph ending- while the lotf fandom wiki seems to be a bit better maintained now, when i first joined the fandom about 4 years ago it was super chaotic and filled with random edits. one of these was a claim that there william golding initially wrote an alternate ending to the novel in which jack and ralph get together, which was later removed. i just thought it was funny so i decided to add it here.

Well, that's everything! This post took me like 2 and a half hours to make, so I hope it was at least somewhat interesting/entertaining. Sorry for my sporadic posting schedule as always, I've been really busy with university lately (that and I seem to only end up posting when I'm hit with a sudden deluge of lotf brainrot, like now). I do have another meme I started making and then didn't finish, I might post that at some point if I do actually finish it. Anyway, thank you if you managed to read all of this and I hope you have a great day/night!

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frogtanii · 4 years

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embarrassed ft. matsukawa issei

wc. 2.7k (???)

warnings. SMUT, not proofread lol, mutual pining (??), friends to lovers (???), cunnilingus lmao, no dom/sub dynamics, well actually dom&sub issei if you squint rlly hard hehe, kinda cute, embarrassed issei <3, also one (1) WAP reference

an. it’s 2:30 am and i have no idea why i wrote this and who for???? i got the idea from a 🦋😳🙈✨ audio and was immediately inspired idk, sorry if it’s bad i lichrally have no idea since i didn’t read it after it was done :p

( ˘ ³˘)♥︎

it wasn’t like matsukawa issei to be embarrassed.

he was handsome, intelligent, and funny, not to mention he never left women wanting after a night with him.

issei was the entire package and he knew it.

beyond superficiality though, he was happy with his life. he had a great group of friends, a nice apartment all to himself and a completely normal job.

yes, being a funeral home employee wasn’t the most glamorous career a person could have but he was happy. besides, it never deterred him from getting a warm body to sleep with which was a win in his book.

all in all? his life was great!

so why did he have to go and screw it all up?

issei blames makki and the dumb flyer for the reason his life went to shit. (maybe he’s being a little dramatic, but let him have his oikawa moment.)

he was minding his own business when his best friend (recently turned enemy) burst through his apartment door with a piece of paper in his hand and a fire in his eyes.

“dude, look at this!” issei rolled his eyes, putting down his casket catalogue and turning to meet takahiro’s gaze.

“why hello to you too. remind me why i gave you a key again?”

“because you love me and because i bring shit like this to you. look!” with another long and suspiciously tooru-like sigh, issei took the crumpled paper from makki and immediately stopped in his tracks.

“makki... what the fuck is this?”

written in large pink letters and a flowery, borderline illegible font was the name, coffee and cunnilingus. upon further inspection and careful reading, it revealed itself to be a little cafe opening up about 10 minutes from issei’s apartment complex who were looking to hire “young, attractive men who are proficient at eating pussy.”

issei could feel his eyes narrow and his mouth drop open in shock as he repeated his question. “the fuck is this?”

makki shook his head excitedly, tapping to another portion of the flyer that matsukawa had not yet read. “no, no dude, just look at how much they’re paying per hour.” issei begrudgingly obliged but the minute his eyes touched the (Massive™) number, he felt a little faint.

it was a lot of money. more than the funeral home was paying, that’s for sure. with that kind of money he could move out of this suddenly dingy seeming apartment and into a nice flat in the city were he’d always wanted to live. maybe he could buy himself a nice watch or even a high-end suit to replace the one from his highschool graduation (aka the only suit he owns). with that kind of money, he could erase his student debt 3 years ahead of schedule and get his mom into a nicer place.

it was these thoughts that clouded issei’s head as he found himself standing in front of a cute looking building, matching the address on the flyer. i’ll only be working part time, he thought as he pushed the door open to reveal an equally impressing interior with curtained booths and a wide variety of coffee on the menu. i’m only doing it for extra money, he thought as he shook the owner’s hand after he finished his successful interview. no one can ever know, he thought as he dressed himself in the uniform on his first day.

thus began issei’s super secret side hustle where he ate women out for cash.

sounds worse when you say it outright but it was just working. he was good at it, the women liked him, and he was making BANK. still, there were challenges. some women refused to bathe before coming and he would have to send them to the restroom to freshen up which absolutely ruined his chances for a good tip. some women would become heavily infatuated with him, believing that they were in some sort of forbidden romance. he learned to turn them down quick and easy to avoid conflict in the workplace which furthered his space as a boss favorite. but his hardest challenge by far was meeting you.

you were one of hanamaki’s friends, having met him at one of his brief stints in retail on his search for a job. he had gotten fired but you both stayed in touch after he left, becoming really close, really fast.

issei had met you first when takahiro had invited you to the biweekly seijoh third-years movie night. at first, he had been pissed as an “outsider” had never been invited before and he was worried you’d ruin the vibe, especially since it was the first time in months that oikawa would be able to join them. makki vouched for you through and through and the other boys were okay with it so you were in. the second he met you, all his fears of awkwardness and discomfort faded away.

you were great.

you were hilarious, pretty, and could keep up with makki’s harsh jokes, tooru’s diva attitude, iwa’s tendency to hit (hard), and issei’s original disdain. by the end of the night, he had completely forgotten why he didn’t want you there in the first place.

from then on, you were a staple in their little friend group. you were added to the groupchat where you balanced memes with spouts of deep wisdom and you were ever so reliable, always there if any of them needed it.

yeah, you were great. that’s where the problems started.

issei’s feelings for you quickly went from platonic to romantic, faster than you can say godzilla. he hadn’t even recognized that he was falling for you until it was way too late. normally, he wouldn’t have a problem confessing to you but because of his newly found ...occupation, he was too nervous. how would you take it that he was basically a glorified prostitute? ok, that wasn’t exactly what he did but still! you’d probably find him disgusting and horrible and leave the friend group forever. then he’d have to deal with oikawa’s senseless whining and makki’s subtle digs, blaming him for your departure. yeah, he wasn’t going to put himself through that so he decided to keep his mouth shut.

too bad he didn’t have any control over makki’s.

you and takahiro had been on a little friend-date at mcdonald’s after you’d had a long and frustrating shift. you just wanted to vent, expressing your general hate for your job and desperate need for stress relief.

that’s when makki opened his (big, stupid) mouth and suggested that you visit a little place called coffee and cunnilingus. you nearly choked on your fries at the title before quickly pressing him for details. thankfully, he had the decency not to expose that issei worked there but he had not done a good enough job convincing you not to go there. not that it would’ve mattered. your curiosity was peaked and your libido was high so why not try out the weird cafe where you let a complete stranger stick his tongue inside you?

it was settled. you were going to go and you were going to get eaten out and you were going to like it!

or at least that is what you repeated in your head as you walked to the address on your phone before taking a deep breath and walking inside.

“hello, welcome to coffee and cunnilingus, how might i pleasure you this afterno— yn?” issei’s eyes widened as they met your equally bewildered ones, the both of you staring at each other in shock.

“matsukawa-san, is everything alright?” a large hand rested on issei’s shoulder, startling him out of his thoughts and forcing him to break (horrified) eye contact with you and move it onto his boss who was now looking down on him menacingly.

“y-yes sir, everything is fine!” he squeaked out, hating the way his voice cracked on his first syllable. his boss looked at him suspiciously but thankfully didn’t press.

“well, since nothing is wrong, take this beautiful young woman to a booth where you will assist her!” the hand resting on issei’s shoulder slowly squeezed, making him wince in pain. the pain was only an afterthought though to the larger implication of his boss’ words. he’s going to assist you. assist as in pleasure. pleasure as in eat you out.

holy shit, you were going to pass out.

apparently, issei had the same thought process as you, his face whitening like a sheet. “m-me? but sir i-“

“do your job matsukawa-san!” his boss cut him off with a forced smile. all issei could do was nod and silently lead you off to a closed booth near the back or lose his job. you stayed close behind him but remained quiet, absolutely terrified of breaking the silence and ruining the bubble you had created.

you finally reached the booth in question. issei gently opened the curtain and motioned for you to get it, to which you obliged and he followed just behind.

the moment the curtain closed, you were enveloped in an awkward silence and tense atmosphere, neither of you speaking or looking at one another for fear of one of you running out. after what felt like hours, you opened your mouth to speak, not realizing issei had thought the same thing.

“so-“

“i-“

you finally made eye contact with him and burst into the laughter, the tension quickly broken. it took a full minute or two for the both of you to calm down, the absurdity of the entire situation finally catching up with you.

“you first,” issei said, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes while fixing you with an intense gaze swirled with an emotion you couldn’t quite place but it made butterflies bubble up in your stomach. you quickly turned your gaze to the comfortable seat beneath you, your fingers playing with the red stitching while you thought of what you had wanted to say.

“are you any good?” your hand flew up to cover your mouth as your cheeks filled with heat, the embarrassment of your words catching up to you. you hadn’t meant to say that but when you opened your mouth to apologize, you were stopped in your tracks by the lovely sound of issei’s full-bodied laughter filling the tiny booth.

you had heard it just moments earlier but without the sound of your own giggles drowning it out, you couldn’t help but think that he sounded beautiful. you basked in the sound as it slowly trailed off back into silence. now it was you doing the staring making issei look off with a red face and a heart threatening to pound out of his chest.

“y-yeah i’m pretty good. you want to try? me, i mean?” his words nearly leave you gasping, your brain working overtime to try and comprehend what he was saying to you.

“only if y-you want to? what do you want issei?” you whispered, suddenly unable to find your voice. you wanted this to be okay for him too; you didn’t want him to be uncomfortable even though you wanted him more than you could verbally express. despite the embarrassment and fear of rejection lingering under your skin, you stared at him, awaiting his answer. a tiny minuscule nod came from him and you internally shook your head. you needed to hear him.

“i need you to say it, issei.” your words, while quiet, were firm and issei felt himself hardening in his uniform slacks. he swallowed in his increasingly drying mouth before opening his mouth to respond.

“i want to eat your pussy. can i?”

shit.

your own voice was stolen by his words and all you could give him was a nod before he was on you.

issei didn’t waste any time falling to his knees, pulling your panties down, and hiking your skirt up to your stomach, revealing your glistening folds to his hungering eyes.

“fuck, you’re so wet,” is all the warning you get before he’s licking a long stripe up you from entrance to clit before he’s sucking the hard, sensitive nub into his mouth. your eyes immediately rolled back into your head, your hips instinctively bucking up into his mouth while a gasped moan of issei left your lips.

if he could bottle your moans and use them whenever he pleased, he would, the sound sending another pulse of arousal to his already hard cock. he was tempted to reach down and pull himself out of his trousers but he denied himself. this was about you; you and your wet ass pussy.

issei continued his ministrations on your clit, circling it with his tongue before pulling it into his mouth while his hand was ready to get busy. it crept up your thigh, sending shivers down your spine until it reached your sopping entrance, two of his fingers teasing the slit before delving in to the third knuckle.

the moan you let out is borderline animalistic as your body sends another wave of slick pulsing out over his hand. he groaned into your cunt at your tightness, his mind only imagining him deep within you while you squeeze him for all he’s got.

the amount of slick you produced made it easy for him to add a third finger, thrusting them in and out while also crooking them upwards in search for your special spot that would have you seeing stars. it took him a little prodding but he knew he found it when your back arched, your hand came down into his hair, and you whimpered out a string of curses.

“that’s it baby, cmon, you’re doing so well, wanna see you come apart for me,” he all but growled against your clit before delving back in with a higher intensity, his desperation for you to come winning out his desire to tease you and drag this out as long as possible.

with his incessant pressure on your g-spot and his lips suctioned around your clit, it wasn’t long before he got what he wanted.

“isseiisseiisseiissei, i’m coming, i’m coming-oh fuck!” you screamed as you clenched and gushed all over his fingers, your entire body caving in with the intensity of your orgasm. his fingers were practically forced from your spasming cunt but they quickly found a place rubbing your nub side to side as fast as possible. the overwhelming urge to pee came over you and you shook your head, trying to push his hand away.

“no, no, give it to me, i know you can,” issei groaned, his eyes locked on your dripping pussy. the pleasure he was giving came to a head at his words and you felt a clear liquid escape from your tired, overstimulated cunt, your mouth opening in a silent moan before collapsing back on the seat.

the sight proved to be too much for issei as he felt his body tense, his own orgasm washing over him as he emptied himself into his boxers. he fell back onto the ground, in shock of himself coming entirely untouched. he’d never done it before but of course it was you that would bring it out of him. a smile spread across his face at the thought, his head tilting back as he laughed, catching the attention of your worn body.

“what’re y’laughing at?” you slurred, cringing a little at how fucked out you sounded but issei didn’t seem to mind, his face glowing while covered in your slick and cum.

“nothing, nothing, but uh, i have a question.” you felt your heart leap to your chest, your mind already racing with the possibilities. he’s going to say this was a mistake, that we’re just better off as friends. oh god, what if he says i stunk? or the worst pussy he’s ever had? or what if—

“want to go and get a coffee?” he asked, the smile still plastered on his face but with an uncharacteristic hint of shyness. the butterflies were back in your stomach as you shyly nodded before allowing him to help clean you up and standing, not missing how he slipped your lacy underwear deep into one of his pockets.

issei’s hand found its way into yours as he said goodbye to his coworkers and boss before leading you out of the cafe, watching you tell an animated retelling of the bullshit that occurred at your job with a warm grin on his face and pink cheeks.

it might not be like matsukawa issei to be embarrassed but if it resulted in getting you by his side? he would do it again and again.

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somethingusefulfromflorida · 3 years

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They commodify food. They commodify water. People used to make jokes about them commodifying air, but now that climate change is catching up to us we're literally seeing it happen live. Give it a few decades and they'll start to commodify concepts like entropy or time.

Sorry, houses don't come with insulation anymore. We charge you to heat your home, we charge you to cool your home, now we charge you to maintain your home at any given temperature. You have to keep it within a monthly temperature window, and pay extra if you go above or below. Are you trying to save money by keeping it cooler in the winter and warmer in be summer? Now you pay an ambiance fee! Even if you turn everything off, we measure the temperature remotely and bill you for the weather!

We here at the Disney/Amazon/Google Conglomerate offer 25 hours a week to our minimum wage employees, but they can pay a small fee if they want to be scheduled for more. We're cracking down on time theft, so instead of paying extra for overtime, now we pay less! The more time you work, the less you earn per hour; it's asymptotic, so eventually we just stop paying you!

You don't own your car anymore, you license it from the company, renting it indefinitely. We'll send someone to read your odometer once a month like an electricity meter. As one of our most valued customers, we'll start you at 5¢ per mile, but we have bulk rates and unlimited mileage plans available for families

Sunlight helps alleviate seasonal affective disorder, so windows are now legally considered antidepressants! We shutter them with car barnacles and will only remove them if you get a prescription from your doctor. Hopefully your health/homeowners insurance will pay for it, otherwise it'll be tens of thousands of dollars out of pocket. We also sell homes without windows, if you don't even want to bother with the rigmarole.

You have to watch an unskippable 30 second ad every time you look at a screen; when turn on your tv, when you boot up your PC, when you unlock your phone, start your car, cook your food, wash your clothes, ads, ads, ads! Immersive advertising! Meta ads, self-referential ads, self-deprecating ads, meme ads, ads as entertainment; advertainment! Shows and movies based on cereal mascots! We're putting ads in novels now, full page spreads like in the middle of comic books and newspapers! We're putting commercial breaks back into streaming services! Your lights come with speakers and play audio ads every time you turn them on and off! Your couches and chairs have pressure sensors and play ads when you sit down! The water in your shower is brought to you by the child slaves at Nestle! We play nonstop ads on your NSA smart speakers 24 hours a day, but you can pay to lower the volume when you need to sleep.

A single trillionaire has more money than the other 7,999,999,999 of us combined! In a few decades we'll see the rise of quadrillionaires, and in the 22nd century there will be quintillionaires! Can't make your rent this month? You can always donate plasma! Your physical body is now a commodity, so how much do you think your soul is worth? Your first born child? THEIR first born child? You've heard of generational wealth, now get ready for generational debt!

#hellscape #capitalism #commodify #commodification #commodity #unchecked capitalism #late stage capitalism #capitalism is the worst #ads #fees #charges #rent #money #debt #corruption #i have no mouth and i must scream #stop the world #I want to get off

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dovenymph · 3 years

Text

a film by peter parker

authors note: this was inspired by another thinkerpete tweet that read "peter probably watches the bit from "a film by peter parker" where he's in the car with tony over and over when he misses him" and@peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology’s summer of love prompt list💛💛 also the video edit was made by me so please do not screen record/save and repost it even if you do credit me (also this is unedited so sorry for any typos, i’ll probably go through it sometime this week, i just wanted to post it first)

prompts used: 2. making the backyard/rooftop into a movie theater

my masterlist

warnings: mentions of tony’s death, other than that, nothing but fluff

word count: 3.9k

Peter hated the summer.

Peter hated not having anything to busy himself with; no homework, or academic decathlon, or seeing Ned everyday who could wrap him up in his graphic novel fan theories or the drama in his on and off relationship with Betty. It was petty drama and minor stimulation, but it was something to distract him momentarily. But now Ned was in Aruba with his parents for the entire month which meant Peter had to suffer through the scorching heat of Juy all by himself.

Peter knew he didn’t have to be alone each day, -Aunt May had spent many dinners trying to get him to join her at the movies or the mall, even offering to let him have free reign of the lego store (when he said no to that, she knew he was in worse shape than she thought)- he had a handful of trustworthy and dependable friends he could hang out with for the afternoon like MJ and Betty, or even Flash who had been uncharacteristically nice to Peter ever since he found out he was Spiderman; this having happened only a few weeks after Tony had died and Peter had let him in on his secret to console a sobbing Eugene who, honestly, seemed to be more broken up about the news than Peter was. But even with his expanding friend group, Peter had found the most his body could endure was the contents of his bedroom.

He tried to get back out there after Tony’s passing, he really did, but at the first Iron Man tribute he admired on patrol, his body completely shut down and he swung back home, tears dampening the material of the mask.

So a lonely summer was what Peter submitted himself too, and he’s come to terms with it. He’s rewatched his favorite old shows, started binging some new ones. He’s taken apart and put together his lego death star four times now, each time faster than the last. But he’s been particularly fond of staring out the window. His apartment complex was quite close to the building besides his and he could look down into the backyard everyone had to share. Peter’s building had one as well, but since he was pretty sure he was the only person under 35 who lived there, it went unused.

Next door, there was always a different activity occurring in order for the patrons to beat the heat, and Peter often thought about how easy it would be for him to just go downstairs and introduce himself, and ask to join. It’d really be as simple as that and he’d meet some new people, get a free lunch and a chance to swim in the plastic pool they set up; maybe they’d laugh at his jokes and clap when he did flips, but it was all just a maybe, just in his imagination because his brain never let him wander to far before squandering the idea of getting close to someone again, for if history has taught Peter anything, it's that anything he gets close to, is not meant to stay for long and will be soon snatched away from him in the cruelest of ways.

And this thought is what resigns him to slink back behind his window and pout the day away, as he was doing now, vision blurring as he stared at nothing.

“Hey!”

Peter jumped, his eyes focusing on the target of whoever pelted his window and they landed on your form, slumped against your open windowsill, chin resting on your hand as you gazed back at him.

“Can I help you?” Peter bit back after lifting his window half way, his tone unconsciously laced with annoyance. He really didn’t even notice it anymore since that’s how he’s been speaking to everyone in his life for months now, but when you flinched at his tone, guilt started to creep up his spine.

Before he could ever begin to stumble out an apology, you cut him off “Yeah, is there a reason you stare into my room everyday?”

Peter's face flushed red and he opened and closed his mouth like a fish. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had spoken so bluntly towards him, and honestly, he liked it. He was getting tired of everyone walking on tiptoes around him, he just wanted things to go back to how they were, where he was just Peter Parker, your friendly neighborhood student.

“Or could you at least give me some money for some curtains if you just can’t give up the beautiful view of a concrete wall?”

“S-sorry, I- I didn’t even know you were there.”

Lie.

Peter knew you were there, he always knew when you were there.

Peter Parker isn’t a stalker, though! Sure, he’s gone through some fucked up shit on Earth and in space, so yeah, he wouldn’t call himself the most …sane person he knows, but he really wasn’t a creep. With your buildings being so close and your rooms directly across from one anothers, he was bound to notice you at some point.

And at some point he did. It was the first day of summer and Midtown let out at 12 instead of 3 to mark the occasion, so Peter had been mulling about in his room for quite some time already, thinking about how he heard all his classmates amazing summer plans and how the farthest he was going to go was probably the Thai restaurant down the street, and even that was a maybe. Peter sulked in silence until a couple hours later he heard a door slam closed, thumps from things being tossed on the ground, and a loud groan as he peeked through his windowsill at you who was currently flopped on the bed, window wide open without a care, scrolling on your phone.

At first, he was taken aback by your beauty, a small, small feeling of intrigue spiked his system, but it flew under the radar due to the seemingly everlasting dread that’s been weighing down on Peter's shoulders for months. But he couldn’t look away. You’d been doing nothing but looking at tiktoks mindlessly, occasionally cracking a half smile if a video was particularly amusing, but you still remained cemented to your mattress with no plans on moving anytime soon.

This brought comfort to Peter as he fished his phone out from the bottom of his bag and pulled up Ned’s messages and started to look through the media he sent him, almost two months worth of funny memes and videos that he hadn’t been bothered to look at, and he sat there along with you, aimlessly letting the time pass by. He enjoyed it, knowing he wasn’t really alone in his lazy and distracting behaviors because the pretty neighbor girl was doing just the same.

Ever since then, he’s just been …aware… of your coming and goings. He figured you had a summer job as every other day you were gone for a few hours, a solid shift. But on the days you were home, you also spent it mainly up in your room, every now and then, playing music from your record player, and if he was really lucky, you’d, unknowingly, give him a private concert as you sung out whichever niall horan or ariana grande song struck your fancy that day. He grew quite fond of the music, having added some of the regulars to his own playlist. And he enjoyed knowing you were right there, and he was right here; each of you living your lives, as uneventful as they may be, but you were together in some sort of way.

He’d never spoken to you, the ability of being able to just push his window up and call out to you at any time was what he liked, and each day he thought he’d do it but chickened out, and now it seemed like he’d have to make introductions whether he was ready or not.

“Mmm, right, so you haven’t seen me change or anything like that?” You asked and the content of your question and the inquisitive tone brought a flush to his cheeks.

“N-no! Of course not! I-I’d never do that, why would I even want to look at you? I mean! I don’t think you’re ugly or anything I… I just…”

Peter’s ramblings were cut off with your laugh as it bounced off the summer air and into his room. You were fully leaning out your open window now, and Peter had found himself in the same position, as if he was drawn to you.

“I was only joking with ya, but it's still nice to have the confirmation. I’m Y/N, your neighbor! Obviously.” You trailed off at the end, knowing that information was unnecessary since the boy next door obviously already knew that.

He was like no boy you’d ever seen before, only read about in books. He had a sweet disposition and inviting brown eyes that matched his soft chestnut hair. But he was built like a man, a strong jaw and strong arms. You’d seen him leaving his building everyday on your way to school, and when he’d get dropped off in a big black SUV during the late hours of the night, but he walked in the opposite direction or darted inside so fast,you never really got a chance to take him in.

“…Peter?” His tentative tone snapped you out of your daze and you realized he was introducing himself.

“Sorry, Peter! I- I… got distracted… by your… death star!” You let out, eyes focusing on the black and grey figure resting on his bed.

Peter felt his cheeks heat up as he moved to push it to the ground.

“That’s pretty cool! I finished the star wars series last summer.”

Peter’s eyes snapped up to yours and the friendly smile you were giving him along with the genuine interest in your tone seemed to break something inside him, snapped the band of hesitation that wrapped around his heart. “You did? For the first time?”

“Yeah! I know I’m like super late, but there’s like nine movies!”

Your laughs melded into one as you leaned out your respective windows and began talking about your favorite movie series. Peter was aware that this was unnatural for him. He had been more open to this stranger in the past few minutes than he had to his own Aunt in months and the same guilt from earlier crept up on him. But Peter was having a good time talking to you and he felt his insides turn in excitement when he realized you really had no idea who he was. He had a clean slate with you and he could make any first impression he wanted, well he hoped your first impression of him wasn’t that he was a peeping pervert, but we move, as MJ would say.

You were about to start telling Peter about this new dystopian novel you began reading when you heard a woman call out to him.

“Oh, that’s my Aunt May. She must be home from work. I- I should go say hello.” He explained, a sad look crossing his face that you didn’t quite understand.

You felt your own sadness wash over you, though. You didn’t want to stop talking to Peter either. “Yeah, of course!”

“But we can talk tomorrow right?” Peter asked, his tone laced with uncertainty.

“Oh well, I work double tomorrow… so I probably won’t be home ‘til late.” You said and the way the brown haired boys face visibly fell felt like a punch in the gut and you were scrambling for a reason to make him smile.

“B-but hey! I also get paid tomorrow so if you want, you can come over on saturday and we can have a movie night and we can order a shit ton of take out?”

“Come over to your place?” Peter asked, and he felt himsef involuntarily tense at the idea of leaving his room for the first time in weeks. It was safe in his room. But the pleading look on your face and hopefulness in your tone encouraged him to take the chance.

“I’d love to y/n.” Peter said with a soft smile and you smiled back shyly at him before closing your window and making your way out your room, making sure you were safe in the hall, away from his prying eyes to do a little happy dance.

Peter was unable to wipe the grin off his face as he walked out his room to greet his Aunt.

She heard his feet padding down the hall as she was setting out dinner, “Sorry its not ready yet, Petey, today’s been crazy, but I’ll get started now.” She rushed. Recently, she’s been hoping food’s the key to lift her poor nephews spirits, so each night she’ll either order or make something more fattening, cheesy, and delicious than the last.

“It’s alright May,” Peter let out easily as he turned the counter and placed a kiss on her cheek, “why don’t you let me cook tonight?”

May’s jaw dropped and she blinked a couple times. She could barely get two words out of Peter recently, and they were always either a meak thank you for dinner or an it was good when she asked about his day. She felt her eyes tear up at the slight sliver of her old Petey back.

“O-oh, really, you wanna cook?”

Peter ducked his head down at the ingredients in front of him to avoid looking in her eyes, his heart dropping at the glossiness that overtook them. He truly hadn’t realized how closed off he’d been. “Well, how about we do it together?” He began and the face splitting grin that spread across May’s face was all he needed to know he was taking a step in the right direction.

“G-good idea, honey. Can’t have the house burn down, can we?”

“Hey!”

May laughed and kissed Peter’s head as they began winding through the kitchen, making casual conversation. It was just like the old days, May thought. Before the wave of devastation drowned Peter as he lost a father figure, once again.

“So what did you do today, P? Do you know when Ned get’s back? I’m sure you’re both excited to see each other.”

“Oh, uh, yeah, I am. I don’t know when he get’s back actually, but that’s okay-“

“I know you like your peace and quiet, I really do, but I do think it’ll be good for you to get out of the apartment for a little bit, see if Michelle is available. Oh! Or maybe that Lisa, Liz! I liked Liz, see if she’s available-“

“May! Its okay. I don’t need to hang out with Liz Allen,” Peter grumbled, “I- I made a new friend actually.”

May looked over at Peter in confusion since he hadn’t gone out or had anyone over in weeks, that she could remember; and Peter took her silence as an opportunity to continue.

“The neighbor.”

“Mrs. Wozniak?”

“No! Y/n, she lives in the next building over. And my room is right across from hers. We’re gonna hang out on saturday.”

“Oh?” May raised her brows at her nephew and bit back a smile, much to Peter’s chagrin. “Is she pretty?”

“And that’s relevant why?��

“I don’t know!!” May drawled and Peter just rolled his eyes and kept chopping the vegetables in front of him, the blush adorning his cheeks refusing to go down as he thought yes, yes she is.

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

You yanked the door open as soon as you heard Peter’s knocks against it. He jumped back a bit, his arm still partially raised from when he knocked and you silently berated yourself for being so eager, but the spreading smile across his face made you feel not so bad.

“Oh, sorry, I was just-“

“It’s alright.” Peter replied with a soft smile, and you let yourself trace the golden flecks in his eyes before he cleared his throat, once again, snapping you out of a daze. You seemed to be in a dreamy state around him alot.

“Can I come in? I brought my Star Wars DVD collection by the way, I know you’ve seen them, but this one has the director's cut which I thought totally changed the course of the first trilogy!” Peter explained, rocking on the balls of his feet in excitement.

You bit your lip at the sight, his cuteness was rubbing off on you. “Yeah, that sounds great, but actually we aren’t gonna be watching in here.” You said, grabbing the bag of Chinese food and snacks and stepping out.

Peter’s face sputtered as you both walked to the stairs. He’d spent all day building up his courage to just go six feet from his building, there was no way he’d be able to go around the city with you for the fear of seeing something that’ll remind him of the avengers or crime.

“Y’alright?” You asked, noticing Peter’s stony silence as you walked down the last flight and made your way to the back gate.

“Yeah, sorry, I guess I’m just nervous. I haven’t really hung out with anyone new in a while, well, with anyone at all really.”

You smiled in sympathy, “I get you, I haven’t either. All my friends are out of town, so I’ve mostly just hung out in my room, too.”

“But you already knew that, don’t ya stalker?”

Peter rolled his eyes and shoved your arm as you laughed, glad you got his nerves out of his system. You unlocked the gate and lef Peter to the back garden.

“Woah..” Peter let out. There was a large white sheet hung up between two trees, and a projector set up on the table behind where a blanket lay, covered in a mess of pillows. The setting sun lit up by strung lightbulbs.

“You like? I figured since we both seemed to be home bodies, we could have the fun of the movie theatre, but here!”

Peter felt his heart swell at your words. You’d only known him for two days, and you already treated him with so much consideration and kindness. “I- I love it, y/n. This is amazing.”

He saw how you tucked your cheek into your shoulder in bashfulness and felt his spirits raise even higher. You were adorable.

“I’m glad you like it. I hope the projector works though, it took me forever to translate the instructions.”

Peter walked over to it and gave it a once over. “It seems fine to me, but I can always look at it if you want.”

“Oh yeah? You good with tech?”

“Good enough to get by. I needed it a lot while working with Mr. Stark” Peter began, forgetting that he wasn’t talking to an old friend.

“You worked with Tony Stark?!?”

“Oh.. oh yeah, only for a little! I was an intern.” He said quietly, beating himself up for even bringing up the topic of Tony. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of a pretty girl.

“Wow, that must’ve been amazing. You, you must miss him a lot then, huh?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled lifelessly. “Yeah I do.”

“But no matter, we’re here to have a good time right?”

“Yeah, yeah we are!” You grasped his hand and gave him a sympathetic squeeze -neither of you blind to the sparks that shot from the place your hands met- and got settled on the blanket.

Two and a half moves later, the sun had set and the two of you were sitting in the darkness, the only light coming from the flickering of the projector as the abandoned movie played. You and Peter were sitting cross legged, facing each other as he told you another story about working with the Avengers.

“Yeah, it was so crazy!! We were in this airport and he went from being like two inches tall to two hundred feet, it blew my mind. But it was okay though, because I had this idea-“

“Wait, wait, wait. You were there? Why?” You asked, loving every adventure filled anecdote he told you, but it wasn’t all adding up. For just an intern, he seemed incredibly close to Mr. Stark himself, but then again, you’d only known him for less than a week and you also wanted to go everywhere with him.

Peter worried his lip, thinking about how he could worm his way out of this one. Why would a teenage intern be at the Avengers civil war? He figured he could lie, or even just run away and buy black out curtains. Maybe he could convince Aunt May to switch rooms with him even. But you’d already brought so much light to his life in multiple aspects, and he thought, just maybe, you’d be able to bring light to that aspect of his life too.

“You know what, lemme just show you! Wait here, I’ll be back!”

Peter ran back down, his Chewbacca flash drive in hand, adrenaline running through his veins. He plugged it into your laptop and dug up a folder he hadn’t touched in almost eight months.

“What’s this?” You asked as he sat back down next to you.

“You’ll see.” He said, eyes glued to the screen in front of him.

A Film by Peter Parker, read the title as a compilation of videos featuring Peter, Happy, Aunt May, the Avengers, and Tony projected before you both.

Peter heard you gasp as the camera flashed to the suit, and saw, from the corner of his eye, how your head snapped towards his as he backspringed across the battleground. The film continued and neither of you could tear your eyes from the screen. Peter felt his eyes well up with tears as a scene with him and Tony talking to the camera began and he thought that watching this was a bad idea and he was about to turn around and turn it off when he felt your fingers intertwine with his.

He sucked in a sharp breath at the warmth you brought him and he squeezed back, his brain nearly malfunctioning at the speed in which he tried to memorize the feel of your hand in his. But his senses were overloaded as he picked up on your accelerated heartbeat.

The two of you continued to watch the video, neither moving even when it autostarted from the beginning, and this time you laughed outwardly at the funny parts, and asked him questions about why Happy didn’t seem to like him.

“What did you do to him Peter?”

“Nothing I swear!”

“Likely story.”

And he felt the steel blanket of grief fall off his shoulders. The feeling of intrigue and excitement for going back to life was no longer a small trail buried deep within him, but now a firecracker that ignited his insides and aurated off of him. Things were going to be alright, he was going to make it out this summer with more than just the memories from his bedroom, and he’d make it through whatever else life would throw at him, as long as he had you by his side.

Because you didn’t make his heart beat faster out of fear, you made him feel flustered and full of affection.

And you didn’t hold him roughly, with the intent to harm him; you held him delicately, and he could only wait to be able to hold your heart the same way.

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incorrect-lord-of-the-rings · 3 years

Text

I posted 759 times in 2021

377 posts created (50%)

382 posts reblogged (50%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.0 posts.

I added 999 tags in 2021

#lotr - 158 posts

#lord of the rings - 144 posts

#lotr meme - 109 posts

#incorrect lotr - 104 posts

#lord of the rings meme - 98 posts

#incorrect lord of the rings - 91 posts

#the return of the king - 79 posts

#tolkien - 73 posts

#the fellowship of the ring - 72 posts

#the two towers - 71 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#so if you're wondering why im using a man for my reaction meme it's because aragorn himself would be like 'im sorry he's just a shitty guy'

My Top Posts in 2021

Since tumblr won't let me post more than 10 pictures, I'll tell you here. This post was my "Cast it into the fire!" Post+ meme about me hating post+ and tumblr's attitude about it (haha suck on that, tumblr)

1267 notes • Posted 2021-07-22 07:36:11 GMT

Lord of the Rings as The Reductress Headlines

The first ones

1434 notes • Posted 2021-10-23 02:58:50 GMT

Lord of the Rings Characters as Youtubers

Aragorn: Vlogs like once every other month, always out in the wild, maybe does a Q&A once, always shows his horse, has cinematic footage of mountains from a drone, philosophical voiceover, gets over 1 million views every time he posts

Legolas: Makes fun of Aragorn's vlogs, finds him in the middle of the woods, acts like Steve Irwin finding an animal in the wild, Gimli appears every once in a while, making weird comments and joining in making fun of Aragorn, Legolas also tries 5 Minute Crafts life hacks and tests them out with Gimli

Gimli: See "Legolas"

Frodo: Reviews books, teaches English language arts, also teaches other languages for free, talks about publishing his own book, very calm

Sam: Cooking channel, does a taste test every once in a while featuring Rosie, Frodo, Merry, and Pippin. Merry and Pippin weren't supposed to be there the first time they did it, but then they crashed the taste test and the viewers loved them so much that they had to be there for the rest of the time

Merry and Pippin: Commentary channel, they make fun of everything and crack the worst jokes, sometimes they do pranks just to make fun of the prank channels but Pippin enjoys them far too much, the weirdest editing, constantly reference Vine, they also make really stupid music videos about the weirdest subjects

Eowyn: Tests out weapons of all kinds, also rants about everything in her life, enters into Renaissance Faire duels and battles and films them, talks about what formal wear you can pair with a nice sword, weird editing, uses memes a lot

Faramir: Cozy vlogs with Eowyn, talks about meaningful subjects, talks about old poetry and goes into the deeper meanings of them

Boromir: Vlogs with Merry and Pippin, makes workout videos, constantly advertises Faramir's channel and links it in the description, very fun

Eomer: His videos are a lot like Boromir's videos, but with more horses, essentially a cowboy, does a lot of horseback riding and includes Eowyn a lot

Arwen: Fashion expert, models her clothes, makes her own, does a lot of Q&As and gets to know her fans with live videos

Gandalf: Posted exactly one (1) video and it was a blurry video of Pippin trying to ride a little Barbie car over a fence and crashing it and Gandalf being like, "Fool of a Took."

1684 notes • Posted 2021-01-16 23:26:07 GMT

Legolas wears crocs.

5621 notes • Posted 2021-01-18 05:13:02 GMT

I had to find a picture of this 2017 article again because it's just so iconic.

59905 notes • Posted 2021-09-05 21:01:11 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #guys this took 64 minutes to load YES I TIMED IT #tumblr wtf

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 4 years

Text

Laughter is my Love Language

Summary: Logan doesn't laugh much when Virgil first meets him. Eventually Virgil learns when Logan is truly happy is when he opens up.

Warnings: food mention, some self deprecating humor. If there are more please let me know!

Ships: Logan x Virgil, Analogical

WC: 1, 664

General Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @im-an-anxious-wreck @logans-library @janus-is-an-adorable-snek-boi @ace-in-a-shopping-cart (you had asked to be tagged in this a while ago, I hope it’s still okay)

Logan doesn’t laugh much when they first meet, which is somewhat of a problem for Virgil since he often relied on laughter to fill otherwise awkward silences. The problem was that Virgil was funny in the stupid way- which he blamed entirely on his dad’s humor that fell over to the punnier side. Crack a pun, reference a meme or as a last ditch effort self deprecating humor was usually relatable enough. Logan fell for none of those and more or less was just left confused by them- or he took the self depreciation too seriously and Virgil ended up with a heartfelt lecture on how important he was. Which, as sweet as it was, wasn’t the point of poking fun at something at his own expense.

“Boy Logan that sandwich is jam packed!” said Virgil sometime during their freshman year of high school.

Logan had looked at his sandwich in confusion. “There’s peanut butter there too- but yes it’s Crofters.”

Virgil fought to keep the smile on his face. “Yeah I know, it was a joke.”

“But it is packed with- oh that was a pun. Clever.”

“Here comes dat boi!” Virgil cringed at his own voice as the meme reference fell out of his mouth. He hadn’t seen Logan smile once that day and all attempts at conversation had fallen flat so...memes. Why not? Logan was on his laptop often enough he had probably seen what he was referencing at some point. Plus Logan was gliding very confidently on his skateboard and Virgil was suddenly feeling very tense and wanted to break it. Logan, unhelpful as he was, merely stopped and kicked the board up to tuck underneath his arm.

“‘Dat’?” He questioned.

“I-it’s...a meme. I was- referencing a meme.”

“Ah.”

“...yeah.”

Nailed it.

“That’s just me being dumb though- you know how it is.” Virgil let out a defeated huff of laughter and settled his chin on his arms. It was their senior year and he was talking to Logan about his current grades. Everything else was straight A’s other than gym. He didn’t like changing in front of others and the bathrooms were blocked off for whatever reason so he just didn’t do it. He took the fail but still needed the credit or he’d have problems getting his diploma, which was completely stupid and unfair but he knew it was his own stubborn fault and-

“I don’t know.” Logan hadn’t laughed at the “joke”, of course he hadn’t. Virgil sighed, opening his mouth to say something else completely stupid and worthless but Logan beat him to it.

“You aren’t stupid. Lack of participation doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it means there’s some other problem that needs addressing if you’re willing to take a failing grade instead of confronting it.” Logan turned to him with a serious look. Always so serious. “So, if I may ask, where’s the problem?”

Virgil blinked. “It’s stupid.”

“Virgil.”

“I just...don’t like…” Virgil turned into his elbow, cheeks reddening at how dumb the problem really was.

“I didn’t hear you. Can you please speak up? Or write it down if that’s easier.”

Snorting he decided to take him up on that, tearing a scrap of paper off his notebook and writing it down.

There was a pause and then: “Is this all? If you take the make-up class there won’t be nearly as many people and if you get there early you can be changed before anyone sees you.”

Peaking around, Logan’s face was so genuine, like he actually wanted to help. Virgil almost didn’t have the heart to say why that was also a problem but he needed him to understand. “I won’t know anyone in the make-up class.”

Logan screwed his mouth to one side trying to figure out why that would be something Virgil would worry about. His face brightened somewhat as he looked back to Virgil. “If it would ease your anxiety I could take the class with you. While I may not have to make up for the credit, it is open to sign up for extra if anyone so chooses.”

Virgil bit his lip. That would- actually really help, but he couldn’t let Logan do that could he? “You don’t have to.”

“I am aware. But going would be a nice routine and I would be very happy to do it if it meant you would be more comfortable.”

“You’re serious? You would really do that?”

“I’m always serious, Virgil. Of course I will.”

Maybe sometimes Logan not getting the joke was a good thing.

“L, it’s three in the morning. Go to bed.” They were in college sharing a dorm, and though Virgil could fall asleep with the lights fully on so Logan’s lamp wasn’t keeping him awake, it was the fact the other man was still awake that was bothering him.

Logan let out a short, humorless laugh and waved hi hand. “I’m almost done.”

Virgil hated when he laughed like that. No happiness behind it, only stress and exhaustion and irritation. Sighing Virgil reached over and plucked the pencil from his hand, shooting him a warning look when it seemed like he was about to protest. He closed the book and stacked it neatly with the couple notebooks he had and placed the pencil and calculator on top. Turning to his dorm mate he pointed to the dresser in the corner. “Pjs. Now.”

Slightly concerned when Logan only stood up to do as he was told instead of arguing he shrugged it off and sat back down on the bed. Logan came over a moment later, plain black tee drooping over one shoulder and sleep shorts slightly rumpled. They really needed to do laundry. Before he could say as much, Virgil was suddenly on his back, Logan’s head on his chest with his legs sticking straight over the side. Laughing softly he ran his fingers through the others light red hair, combing out the tangles gently while Logan relaxed into him.

“Logan buddy, I love you so much but if we fall asleep like this we’ll never get up again.” The other grumbled but took a breath and rolled off his chest, swinging his legs over to turn on his side and nearly kicking Virgil in the head in the process. Smirking, Virgil crawled up behind him and flopped with his arm slung over his side. He laughed again when he realized he was already asleep, arms askew and already drooling on the pillow. Snuggling into his back and hugging him tight he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep himself.

Logan sat at the table with a book flat on the surface, notebook close by as he made careful notes for the next curriculum. His brow was pinched in thought and his third mug of coffee was cooling beside him, untouched for nearly an hour as he fixated on his work.

Virgil looked back out the window as he finished drying a glass. Gray clouds were rolling in and it was already starting to drizzle. Good, they needed a good rain for the start of summer. Tuning in once again to the furious scratching of a pencil behind him he set the glass down and whirled around, racing over and catching Logan’s hands in his own to tug him up and towards the door.

“Virgil what are we- it’s raining! Virgil!” Virgil stopped for a moment to look and see if Logan was actually distressed but upon seeing more fond annoyance than anything else he grinned and stepped out into the downpour. He took away one of his hands and led Logan in a spin down the porch, feet slipping slightly in the wet grass as he maneuvered them around. Logan was smiling now, stress lines gone from his face as wet hair flopped into his eyes and obscured his vision. Virgil’s own hair was slicked flat to his forehead, emo fringe he would never cut hanging down to his lips before he shook his head hard to dispel the water. Logan yelped and flinched away before laughing low at himself, grin turning mischievous as he reached up above virgil’s head to take a hold of a tree branch. Yelling as what felt like gallons of water soaked him he stood there thoroughly soaked and shivering slightly before letting out a howl of laughter, Logan following right after. He was sure the neighbors could hear them but he didn’t care. Logan was laughing so hard he was clutching his sides, shaking with the effort of holding himself together.

This was what Virgil loved most. Logan didn’t always laugh easily, not understanding the joke or understanding what was meant to be a joke but making sure the person was okay first. When he did laugh, it was one shared with others over whatever dumb, stress free thing they were doing. It was unplanned and in the moment, something Logan and Virgil were usually both averse to. But here in the rain, or getting icing everywhere on their wedding day, or the shared laughed when they woke up together after yelling at each other the night before to go to sleep it rang out; it was clear and joyful and carefree- a language all on it’s own that neither of them needed to “get” in order to join in .

When they first met Logan didn’t laugh a lot, which was somewhat of a problem for Virgil since he often relied on laughter to fill otherwise awkward silences. But when he opened up he began laughing all the time, each one precious and kept close to the chest. Virgil collected them, hoarded them even, storing them like coins in a jar in exchange for the happiness he felt each time he was the one to cause such a beautiful sound. And as they giggled still through slight coughs under a blanket that night, he couldn’t be more happy he could speak this language with Logan.

This work is also available on AO3!

If you like this please reblog! reblogs help creators get their work seen!

#false writes #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #logan sanders #virgil sanders #logan x virgil #analogical #fluff #slight hurt comfort #tw food #food mention #self deprecating humor #so much fluffy fluff

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tales-of-a-wilted-sunflower · 9 months

Note

HELP I TRIED TO GET THE FIRE DEPARTMENT TO HELP ME BUT THE POTATO KILLED THEM

I THINK IM NEXT

"The potato what?!"

"Welcome to the (dead) club! Welcome to the club! Welcome gray face! Welcome gray face! Welcome gray face!"

"Mari no!!"

#the wilted sunflower answers your questions;;#the graceful lily of the valley answers your questions;;#anon ask answered #omori rp #graceful lily of the valley(mari);;#wilted sunflower(basil);;#added to the joke book(crack/memes);;

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gay-otlc · 3 years

Text

Keepers Of The Chaos (3)

Summary: Tam, Linh, Dex, Keefe, Biana, and Fitz are part of the tiny fandom for Keeper of the Chaos, and Tam and Linh’s podcast convinces some of their other friends to watch it as well. The group finds themselves strangely invested in this show, where students at Tumblr High School who work together to write about an elf named Sophia, cause incomprehensible chaos, and fight their rival Pinterest High School.

Content warnings: Cursing, religion (Jewish Vackers), and Amsterdam (just in case, I know that was stressful for some people).

Word count: 1621

Notes: Most of the episodes are just events stolen from Lynn's roundup, Dex's memes are here

(Read on AO3)

The life of an amateur meme maker on dumbles dot com was a strange one, that was for sure. After finishing xyr favorite show- Ze-Ra: Monaerchs of Powhir- for the third time, Dex had searched for another show to fill the void in xyr soul. Biana recommended this show called "Keepers of the Chaos" and described it to xem. Xe was doubtful at first, but after watching the first episode, xe was hooked.

Xe used to not have many friends at xyr school, so xe did what every neurodivergent queer teen would do- made an account on dumbles dot com. People seemed to like xem- or at least, they liked dizznee-plus's memes and edits of Ze-Ra characters. Even after Dex befriended xyr squish, Fitz, thons sister, Biana, and aer girlfriend, Sophie, xe continued making content on dumbles. Around that time, the Ze-Ra fandom started dying off, and xyr memes started getting fewer note

In a sudden, two am burst of inspiration, Dex made edits of some of xyr favorite characters, like Ref, Akki, and Rose, with their respective pride flags (all of them bi) over them, and captioned it "we must be gay." The post blew up, or at least, what could be considered blowing up in Keeper of the Chaos's tiny fandom, and that was how Dex found xyr calling as an amateur meme/edit maker for KOTC.

History had been repeating itself, with the KOTC fandom starting to die off, until it was revived by an announcement from creator Saturn Nolastname- a season two would be released soon. Frantically, Dex made a meme about season one episode two, with the car salesman meme. Xe edited "chaos keepers" onto the car salesman, "the rarelynoticed" on the car, and "this bad boy can fit so many stripper outfits into it."

That had been... an interesting episode, to say the least. The chaos keepers had been talking about the antagonists of "Sophie and the Dark Duck"- a rebel group called the Rarelynoticed. In the information packet they'd been given, it was confirmed that the Rarelynoticed wore black cloaks and armbands, but no other clothes had been mentioned. Somehow, the chaos keepers came to the conclusion that the Rarelynoticed really wore neon pink leotards and green stripper heels, then drew this idea.

Needless to say, the Tumblr staff did not let them write that into the book. Nor did Lynn, the unofficially chosen leader of the group. Unfortunately for her, this didn't stop the chaos keepers from drawing more of these- or the fandom from making a ton of memes. In addition to the car salesman meme, a post with Drake saying no to "wearing normal fucking villain outfits" and yes to "leotards and stripper heels" gained popularity within the small fandom.

Though nothing could match the absolute shock of seeing the Rarelynoticed stripper outfit for the first time, Dex decided to rewatch the episode anyway- it was funny to see the chaos keepers freak out, and maybe xe could get some good screen captures. The good Saturn Nolastname indulged xem, and xe captured an excellent scene of most of the chaos keepers either laughing or screaming at the Rarelynoticed stripper outfits, with Kimber- one of xyr favorites- sitting on the side, explaining to Juno and Kaitee why Bianca Cracker was bisexual.

Xe went over to dumbles, posted the picture, added an image description, and captioned it "Live photo of me not caring when my friends talk about sex/romance." Xe chuckled to xemself- this really was how it felt to be aroace. Xe tagged it as aromantic and asexual as well, since dumbles added flag colors. Smiling, xe went to go check xyr notifications.

Xyr jaw dropped when xe saw that @lordofthesnuggles- Fitzroy (Dex didn't know thons middle name) Vacker thonself had liked and reblogged all three of xyr memes, even adding compliments in the tags! Xe'd had a bit of a platonic crush on Fitz for... a really long time, but xe always felt too awkward to talk to thon, so it was nice to see that thon appreciated xyr humor.

Feeling energized- and excited to procrastinate on xyr math homework- Dex went to watch the next episode: Dark Duck Is Jewish Now. Being Jewish xemself, this was a really funny episode to xem.

Lynn had been writing a sort of spinoff- it would be called fanfiction, but it was for her own story- about some of the Dark Duck characters celebrating Christmas, and added a throwaway line about Bianca and Finn Cracker celebrating Hanukkah. Then, her fiance, Shai, had taken that idea and run with it, writing a list of ideas about what would happen if the Cracker family was Jewish. Hir friend Sam had jumped on the idea, and soon they had abandoned writing the actual Dark Duck in favor of writing a story about Jewish Dark Duck characters. Some of the other Jewish chaos keepers, like Ref and Cat, helped out.

To be honest, it kind of surprised Dex that no one had made a joke about the Jewish Crackers just being matzah, so xe supposed xe would have to be the first.

Xe posted that observation, quickly getting a like from Fitz- which made xem smile. After a few minutes, Dex posted another meme: Shai and Sam standing in front of a door with a sign that read "elves don't have religion," and them saying "This sign won't stop me, because I can't read!"

It was accurate.

While that episode was great for Jewish representation, and funny, the Banana Noir episode was just plain weird.

It focused less on the Dark Duck than most of the other episodes, and was more about the crazy interactions of the chaos keepers. The episode was named for Banana Noir, who was really Cat Noir, but in a banana suit. Banana Noir was the son of Mellie, who looked like a shark, and Nora, who had platonically married faer. The mothers tried to arrange a marriage between him and Akki, who loved the side characters of the Dark Duck series. However, Akki wanted to marry Amelia. After a lot of shit that basically no one understood, Banana Noir's attempts were thwarted, and Lynn officiated the wedding between Akki and Amelia.

Yeah, Dex had no idea what the fuck was going on either. Xe'd watched an episode of Twins of the Chaos and a youtube video by arsonpog analyzing the Banana Noir chronicles, as it had been dubbed by the chaos keepers, and both expert opinions seemed to agree that Saturn Nolastname and the rest of the writers had probably been on crack when they made that episode.

The next episode made slightly more sense, though it was a low bar. After taking a break from the "official" Dark Duck story, the chaos keepers began collectively writing a Cinderella story about the characters Sophia and Bianca. People weren't allowed to be queer in the official story, but the chaos keepers still wanted to have fun with their obviously gay characters.

Even to the viewers of the show, who only received secondhand information about the Dark Duck characters, knew there was no way any of them, let alone all of them, were allocishet. The exact identities weren't entirely clear- when Dex had made edits of the characters' official art and xyr headcanons for their pride flags, a few people had disagreed- but both the chaos keepers and the fandom knew that despite what Shannon said, Sophia and Bianca were in love, and their Cinderella story should have made it in to the official Dark Duck story.

While excerpts of the Cinderella story were quoted in the show, most of it was left unclear, so Biana had taken it upon aerself to write aer own version of it. Dex was expecting an update later that day, actually, or maybe the next. Ae wasn't always 100% reliable with aer update schedule. Still, Dex looked forward to when it eventually did come.

After the brief calmness from the Sophianca Cinderella episode, season one episode six, Amsterdam, exploded back into chaos. A few of the chaos keepers decided to discuss a fake scene in the book in which crazy shit went down, with the scene supposedly being located in Amsterdam. It had never been written and was never going to be, but everyone discussed it like it was real. Some of the highlights involved all the Dark Duck girls having swords (and the chaos keepers being gay for them), and a speedboat chase scene through the canals. Fitz had a popular theory that the chaos keepers would actually travel to Amsterdam in order to commemorate this crazy part of their lives. Almost as popular as that was a meme Dex made, with a man labeled "chaos keepers discussing amsterdam" and gesturing feverishly to a wall covered in papers and red string.

Of course, episode seven (Dark Duck Disney) was chaotic too. Everything was chaotic with this group, it was in the title. Shannon announced that the winning Dark Duck story would be adapted into a Disney movie. After past experience with terrible book to movie adaptations, the chaos keepers panicked. They panicked so much that it became major news within their school, which until then, had been largely ignoring the chaos keepers. Once the discussion about the movie settled down, they talked a lot about how in awe they were that their Dark Duck shenanigans were trending within the school.

But of course, none of that compared to the last episode of the season...

Dex changed xyr profile picture to include an ominous pair of teal eyes and sighed.

#tumblr kotlc fandom fandom #keepers of the chaos #shai types things #shai's writing #hehe like the ze-ra reference

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ritualchanting · 3 years

Text

the algorithm is evil, instagram is evil. i only ever use it to see what stupid shit my brother is doing but every time i click the search to navigate to his page, they inundate me with shit. girls w cystic acne doing makeup tutorials with the comments full of “omg you’re so brave!!!!”, girls cracking jokes about how theyve been driven to the brink of suicide over top of some stupid fucking doja cat song, “relatable” screenshots from facebook or twitter wholly devoid of content or meaning or anything that would tell me anything about the human being who sat down and wrote them. facile post-ironic commie meme, a picture of one of those influencer people i’ve taken great pains to avoid learning anything about, anthony fantano making a stupid face next to a picture of juice wrld. a very skinny asian girl wants me to buy a jacket, a smiling couple are doing some trend they probably cribbed from tik tok, there’s a video of a car crash that wouldn’t be out of place on liveleak, a meme about how jon jones beats the mother of his kids. a girl i spoke to twice in high school is recording herself making exaggerated facial expressions to audio from some source i don’t recognize, footage from a surgery, wear my makeup, buy my shoes, here’s a starter pack for whatever type of person we’ve come up with today, here’s a quote from a book you like stripped of its original context, a filter so severe that the clips of women using it all look like they were generated using 3d modeling software, an infographic about mass killings, video of a dog, a line from a g!ybe song that describes this hellish moodboard even as it becomes a part of it, an ad for a jewelry line, a clip of a teenager sobbing, a picture of a plate of expensive looking food. i don’t post much but at the very least i feel like there’s PEOPLE on here, while i go on there and it’s just an endless torrent of images and noise with absolutely nothing behind them. perfectly, pristinely soulless

#don’t mind me i used an app and now i’m being crazy

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universallywriting · 4 years

Note

Steven/Connie double date (other couple your choice)

two in one

tw: recreational legal drug use (alcohol)

------------------

Steven still had a knack for embarrassing himself, despite being twenty-five and, in theory, well beyond his awkward teenager years. But he both lacked a filter and a fear of trying new things, which turned out to be the perfect combination for humiliation. All too often he shared personal information too easily, he tried new food and drinks that led to incredibly, embarrassing suffering, and regularly attempted physical stunts that left him with bruises on more than just his ego.

On the other hand, Connie had long ago transcended her childhood awkward stage. Somehow, she was a constant presence of unflappable poise, beauty, and wit. That was the kind of thing that happened when someone was preparing for a career in public speaking, and it could be a little annoying to have a partner so poised.

Except for the fact that he knew it was all a lie, and it was all too easy to knock her off her feet in the right situation.

“You’re painting again?” she asked Daniel over a dinner double date. “That’s amazing! I wish I could get back into my hobbies again.”

And he, one margarita in, put his head against hers to lovingly quip, “I wouldn’t called fifty thousand words of Sonic Boom fanfiction abandoning your hobbies.”

Daniel and Patricia cracked up immediately, and he could see the flustered looked on Connie’s face turn into giggles. Of course she wasn’t going to say anything - if she said nothing, there was a chance it could be a joke, and not that he had just outed her very real, ever-growing trove of fanfiction.

When the waiter swung by, he decided to get a double shot mojito, and a dish that was marked as spicy. It was a fun night, after all, and it took a lot to get him drunk.

And, as for spice, well… he was used to making a fool of himself. But he was absolutely going to drag her down with him if it was the last thing he did. Conversation continued as he took his drink fast, enjoying the odd burn that slipped from his throat to his belly - the beginning of a sleepy fuzziness starting to creep across his brain.

“Connie’s always been a nerd,” he remarked, grinning, because it was hilarious that everyone seemed to forget that but him. “No one notices because she’s so cool now, but she’s a huge nerd.”

“We’re all a little nerdy,” Patricia said. But he had vibes from that - the kind of vibes that said Patricia meant she watched sci-fi sometimes, or that she was very good at school.

“No,” he corrected. “I mean she’s a huge dork.”

Before he could see his wife’s face, the waiter slid by the table. Steven asked for another mojito and whatever look Connie had before is replaced with warning. “Should you?”

“Shouldn’t you?” he retorted, then beamed at the idea. “Can we get a long island iced tea?”

“Who’s going to drive?’ Connie said, and the waiter hovered by the table as he waited for them to settle it.

He waved his phone. “Rideshare.” He could tell that she was tempted. She rarely drank, but long island iced teas were her favorite. They were also very alcoholic, and she was very bad at alcohol. He said, with only the slightest bit of condescension in his tone, “Do you want wine? I know you’re a lightweight.”

She took it like a challenge, like he knew she would, and made up her mind straight away. She looked up at the waiter with her politician smile and said, “No, I want the tea. Thank you.”

She was a lightweight though, and he was quite happy with himself as he looked back at Patricia again. “I don’t mean that, like, Connie likes Star Voyage. I mean that Connie has an Eris account so she can fight about whether there’s a bias against interracial couples in fandom.”

“Well because there is,” she started, her temper went half-up just from the thought of it. But she took a breath and smiled and said, “But, you know politicians. We’re always politicizing everything.”

Boo!

Boring.

He tried not to pout, though he was pouting very hard in his mind as he ate his salad. Polished Connie was boring. Professional Connie was boring. Connie with her face on was amazing and wonderful and he loved the work she did but

he was already a little tipsy

and she was boring.

He was absolutely delighted when her tea came, and destroyed his mojito with a speed that made Patricia whistle. Connie was slower with her drink as she tried to maintain a normal conversation, but it was a heavy drink. It was her favorite drink.

It vanished, probably faster than she planned, and she ordered another because Daniel and Patricia were drinking too. Of course, he noted as he took a breather with an on-tap beer, the two of them could probably hold their liquor better than his love.

When his food came, he humiliated himself as he expected. His face went red. He felt sweat on his neck. He chugged water like he needed it to live. It was enough to get a giggle or two out of the other couple, and enough for his tipsy wife to regularly be overcome by them.

He was drunk but not drunk enough for walking to be a challenge. Perfect. He’d rather not look stupid if he wobbled on the way to the bathroom. In the meantime, Connie’s composure had plummeted down. Her voice was full of emphasis, exaggeration, excitement - the bubbly girl she kept under-wraps all too often.

Daniel was laughing. “Oh my god, are you serious? By the time you got to high school you were, like, full swan. We only knew you as sword girl.”

“And I worked very hard to cultivate that image,” she insisted, her words slightly blended together with delight and drink. “It’s a delicate balance. I leaned from Pearl. It’s about knowing what is and isn’t refined, and speaking only of the refined things.”

“Exactly,” Steven agreed, trying to sound properly Britishly posh. “We only speak of how compelling the draaaama was on Under the Knife, and never the fix fic you wrote because your favorite children’s book had too much kissing.”

There was laughter all around the table, Connie slipping down her chair as she giggled helplessly, shaking her head. “No! No that’s not why! You are taking-”

“Lisa says ‘you can’t fix an evil empire by kissing’, Connie! You made her say that!”

“This is bullshit! You are oversimplifying a complex situation to the point of no longer adding anything useful to the discussion!”

“That’s a meme!” Patricia cried. “That’s a seven year old copypasta!”

“Steven used to eat flour,” Connie said, a heavy swallow coming from her throat as she struggled to catch her breathe. “He still does sometime. I’ve seen him. I’ve seen him!” “Everyone eats flour. I can just appreciate it without other flavors.” He grinned, looking to the other couple with relish. “In Connie’s fix-it fic Archimicarus gains power whenever Lisa is in pain. So Lisa wears a-”

“Stop! Not the grimdark phase!” she gasped between peals of laughter. “Anything but my edgy phase, please!”

And that, Steven felt, was far more fun than composure.

#deathchrist2000 #steven universe #steven universe future #fic #connverse #connie maheswaran

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quirklessidiot · 4 years

Text

aoba johsai’s sport’s journalist (h/c’s)

just crack+ fluff + platonic-ish relationship (gn!y/n) (w: language!) a/n: this has been bugging me for awhile now since i havent seen headcanons of this yet (if their are do send them on my ask box) and since im on a slump, i decided to write this down. this is completely fun, easy-going, and self-indulgent, really perfect for someone stuck on a slump ksks. idk if i should make some for the other schools but oh welp enjoy! happy 900 btw werkwerk uwu so weird to reach this when im not even very active.

Now let’s be honest here, it’s no surprise that the volleyball team of aoba johsai has their own sports journalist. Like, c’mon, they’re one of the best in the prefecture.

But let’s start with the basics here, shall we? Let’s start with you, how this all goes through, and how you got into this heaping pile of mess.

Yep, you.

There you were in high hopes to get into journalism for college so what better way was it than to apply for the school paper? It would definitely look good and pretty in those college applications *chef’s kiss* you’re a second year btw idk if that matters but yeah..

Much to your surprise no one was applying for the news section which was kind of sad since you wanted a buddy there.

but-but it turns out though everyone was applying for the sports section completely understandable, next to feature, it was the most exciting thing to write because there was going to be a special section and writer for the volleyball team.

You knew that volleyball was kind of a big thing around your school?? you just didn’t expect it to amass like that much people.

The editor in chief is obviously surprised, you were the first person on that day to come in there and actually apply for something else.

and guess where that led you to?

Yep, the sport’s section, specifically the volleyball team’s personal sports journalist. Your brain goes brrt brrt because you were not a sports writer at all and you were, ironically, scared of ball games.

VOLLEYBALL WAS COMPLETELY NEW TERRITORY FOR YOU.

Your editor in chief laughs it off and says, “you’ll do fine… its like news bUT SPORTS! IT’LL DEFINITELY LOOK GOOD IN YOUR APPLICATIONS!”

You’re not sure if you should be terrified or terrified?

It doesn’t help that on the first day when you enter the gym you look terribly constipated and panicking a lot because of all the stray balls being spiked and tossed around.

It also didn’t help that you crash course the terminologies and the member’s name a night before and you were just running on iced coffee that day.

Yeah, way to make a first impression, huh?

When you approach the coach, you’re not exactly sure what to say and you were this close to chickening out until you saw one of the players come up to you and ask if you were alright and if you wanted to talk to oikawa.

you’re loading for a second there.

and the poor guy who asks you if you were alright, starts looking actually worried because you weren’t responding at all.

“OH, oH IS THAT THE CAPTAIN?”

the guy literally looks very confused?? because what kind of rock were you living under that you didn’t know Oikawa???

so you go ahead and introduce yourself and say that your name was Y/N and you were the new sports journalist for the team.

“....soooo you write?”

“...”

at this point on, you’re also confused too

and idk man, first impressions do indeed last because you ended up (unknowingly) sharing the same brain cell with Matsukawa Issei.

you both were just confused there, straight up looking like two kids who got left behind by their mom in the grocery check-out line.

anyways...

He tells you the team’s pretty chill and you should stop looking like they spiked a ball on your puppy or something.

Basically introduces you to the whole team after,

no questions asked, just go with the flow.

You basically just click and vibe???

Not only because you crash coursed and related to whatever they said,

you literally all shared the same brain cell together.

Kentaro was another story though, kid basically hated your guts at first, it felt like if you were to say one sentence to him that day, he’d literally spike a ball at your direction.

“we’re basically the same year tho :(” -Y/N

“lmao well do i’ve got news for you, y/n-chan.” - Oikawa and basically everyone on the team.

you gradually start to understand the coolness of the sport since you had to incorporate visiting them once or twice a week during practice.

but suddenly it becomes almost a daily routine after a month because they’re just really friendly people??

like wow, they’re all friendly giants.

You’re literally just there to write about them but they’re really patient and kind, they even invite you to practice games so that you could practice out your skills in writing since you mentioned that you’ve never written for sports yet.

they even give you some added key terms that aren’t found in books and online.

you’re def closest to iwaizumi and matsukawa.

iwaizumi because he makes really funny fish jokes about oikawa (yes you arent supposed to be laughing but man theyre funny af, oikawa would usually call you and iwa corny because the jokes aren’t even that funny) and yes its canon that whenever iwaizumi sees an oikawa fish in textbooks, he starts laughing and joking about it.

no explanation needed why you ended up being close to matsukawa.

its obvious after that first meeting ya both would be besties.

same brain cell bros go brrt brrt.

incredibly!! supportive!! I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH

like when you release a new write up about them, Oikawa would usually go, “It’s such an honor to be apart of your first steps, can you sign this?”

dramatic but hella supportive, we stan the gr8 king

“oh, wow, i thought you said you didn’t write before? how come you sound like a professional already?” - Hanamaki

another dramatic best boi.

akira + kindaichi getting shy because they’ve never experienced this yet. So whenever you try to interview them about stats or something for a special issue, they usually end up a stuttering mess

“w-well, L/N-san...”

kentaro slowly warming up to you but still looks like he wants to spike a volleyball at your face 90% of the time but unlike before you’re used to his whole thing already.

“Move, extra.”

“You were great, by the way. That was a powerful spike!”

you may or may not be included in random ramen nights with the team

yes, oikawa buys you your own bowl of ramen

itadakimasu.

he doesn’t mind tho, he really loves how you write them.

so its sort of a thank you for giving the team justice when you write about them.

team says you’re technically part of the team so they make you your own jersey. Now when you watch your games people ask if you’re like the manager or smthng.

“ no :’) “

When they lost against shiratorizawa and karasuno, you were bawling too like you were apart of the team.

this pretty much cheered everyone up despite the loss because your crying face was apparently very funny and memable.

oh right, your article was passed on to the town’s newspaper

it was literally like 7 am on a saturday and your notifs went zoop.

they added you to their group chat and spammed you with pictures of the articles that you wrote.

“...wOW I CAN’T BELIEVE IT?? YOU GOT FRONT PAGE FOR SPORTS???” -Oikawa

“we didn’t even win the tournament but we still get a feature?? thats so cool?? holy shit?? CONGRATS KSKSKS” -matsukawa

lmao idk matsukawa looks like a keyboard smasher tbh idk why

pretty much its normal for you to even start hanging out already outside of the court and after practice to get steam buns.

more chaotic mess and clumsy you running around.

your volleyball sports writing experience wouldn’t be complete until someone accidentally spikes a ball at the back of your head amaright?

ironically, it’s yahaba who does that to you. poor smoll bean.

“wow, you’re dumb.” -kentaro says to you

“ :’)” -you.

“y/N-SAN I SWEAR IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.” -yahaba

overall, you found yourself in a safe haven with the volleyball team and yes, you also cried when the third years graduated.

the third years have a picture with everyone on the team + you with a very red face from all the crying?? once again, you’ve proven yourself to be a meme.

continued to write for them up until graduation.

and its def obvious you kept in touch with all of them after, duh.

#haikyuu!!#haikyū!!#haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu aoba johsai #haikyuu scenarios #aoba johsai x reader #haikyu headcanons #haikyu scenarios

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