#after I get some sleep. god. i have five hours before my appointment

[the-bluestreak-cat]

I just sent six emails I’ve had on lock for the last week. Exhausted, deserving of a Little Treat

[moosemonstrous]

Ghost Rider Pacific Rim AU - Trust me I'm not a doctor

“Don’t move.”

Robbie can’t – not for the lack of trying. He can’t lift his arms, and his head feels like it’s full of nails. He can’t even move it to see who spoke to him.

Oh great. I thought you were in a coma or something.

His right knee shifts a little when he tries again. He works his throat – God, he’s so thirsty – but when he tries to speak, all that comes out is a crackling rasp.

“Calm down, I’m coming.” A shadow falls over his face. His vision is blurred and with a start, Robbie realises he can’t see out of his right eye. When he blinks rapidly, he can feel his eyelid struggle under a bandage, and the sharp stab of pain forces another grunt out of him. “I’ll up your painkillers, hold on.”

The nurse – she sounds like a nurse, tired and more than used to people ignoring her advice – fiddles with something to the side of his head. A cool sensation spreads from his forearm thorough his body. He didn’t realise how much he hurt until it all numbs away. His eyes – eye – feel heavy all of a sudden, but he can’t go back to sleep.

The painkiller doesn’t numb away the spike of anxiety in his stomach. He’s in—he has no idea where he is. He can’t move, he can’t remember why he’s here, and he doesn’t know how long he’s been out. What was that about a coma?

“Where is—” His throat feels like it’s riddled with broken glass. “My brother, where—?"

“Sorry, hun, I only just started my shift. Let me get the matron, okay?”

She leaves before Robbie can work up enough saliva to speak again. With most of the pain out of the way, he can pick up other muted noises in the room – people talking one over another, beeping, the steady in-and-out puff of a blood pressure cuff. Some sort of a medical facility, but Gabe wasn’t due an appointment for another week—

Not that bright, then.

What happened? He remembers—he was halfway through the work shift. Kwok was showing him how to switch the maintenance read-outs to English. He has a job – Corporal Navos got him a job in the Shatterdome. Fixing support vehicles. Fat chance he still has it if he landed himself in a hospital on day one. Gabe was in the school-prep thing, they said he needs to attend it for at least a week so they know which classroom to assign him to. He was so excited in the morning. Kids at the base have a special rations program, he was going to get dessert after lunch. The last time Robbie was able to get his hands on anything with sugar in it was back in LA.

There is no way in hell he can afford whatever IV he’s hooked up to. The school-prep was supposed to wrap an hour after his shift – has it been less than five hours? Maybe he can work off the difference at nights. He wasn’t really in a coma, was he? He feels—his fingers move if he really concentrates, he’s not paralysed or anything.

The opposite of paralysed! We finally moved, baby!

“Moved what?” he rasps. He didn’t hear anyone come over, and how did they—

Wait. You can hear me?

Everything crashes back all at once. The Colonel asking to see him – worrying that Navos was full of shit and they’re about to get kicked out – going into the jaeger hangar – reaching for the helmet—

He saw his dad, washed in blue like an old security recording. Robbie only has one photograph, creased from being folded and re-folded over the years, the right side torn off, but it was definitely him, strapping into the same spot in the jaeger’s cockpit Robbie was stuck in, laughing at something while he checked the wind projection. It better be a quick one, he said. Juliana wants to see a movie tomorrow night.

The beeping picks up the pace. Robbie tries to breathe normally. He thought he was dying. He thought it was one of the memories from Before, finally unlocked because he was dying. What the fuck happened? Why did The Charger trigger a drift? He could have died. Navos doesn’t even live on base, nobody would know to contact her – and why would she even take Gabe in? She already did them a huge favour, she didn’t owe it to Robbie to take care of Gabe because he’s gone and got himself killed—

“...surprisingly well, considering—oh, he’s still awake.”

“That’s... good?”

“We’ll see. Mr Reyes, can you hear me?”

He tries to nod. His neck is in some sort of a brace, that’s why— “Yes,” he says. Speaking comes easier now that he has some adrenaline to go on. “Gabe, is he okay?”

“His brother,” the second voice advises. It takes Robbie a second to recognise it as Colonel Ivanov. “He’s fine, Robbie, we have a facility for unattended minors.”

“He has—medication,” he says urgently. “He has to take it regu—” he chokes halfway through the word, his throat spasming like someone put their hands around it and squeezed. His right eye burns. For a moment, it feels like he’s back in that cockpit, hanging onto the helmet and—

And then it stops.

“...to be expected. Perhaps we can send someone to fetch the brother?”

“You do that, doctor. I will stay with the boy.”

There is a moment of offended silence, then the sound of steps. Ivanov drags something over to Robbie’s cot – a chair – and for a second, he catches a glimpse of the man’s face. A distant sort of fury boils in his chest.

“You’re alright, son,” the Colonel says. He sounds—tired. Not relieved or surprised. Maybe this whole thing wasn’t that bad, maybe it was all just a— “That was a close call. I don’t know how you activated The Charger, but you’re lucky to be alive.”

Robbie swallows. “I can’t move.”

“Well, you are drugged to the gills.” Ivanov taps something at the side of the bed. “I’m no doctor, but you seem to be fine.” He pauses. “Listen—”

“I’m sorry,” Robbie cuts in before he can stop himself. “I don’t—I don’t know what happened, I didn’t mean to—”

Silence. Then: “No harm done, thankfully. But... If you have question, come to me first, yes? The techs get... very precious, about the jaegers.”

Robbie can’t nod. “Yeah. Yes. I will.”

He can barely feel the pat on his arm. “Good boy. Doc will be back with your brother soon. You should sleep now.”

“No,” Robbie protests. “I—Gabe, I need to—”

“He’s coming.” Ivanov chuckles. “Don’t go anywhere.”

He leaves without another word. Robbie can only stare at the tiled ceiling and wait.

[bfdreaming]

TW for suicide mention, rape mention, medical abuse, violent ableism, death, and what can reasonably be interpreted as a murder attempt

A few years ago, a psychiatrist talked about me to my mom without my permission in order to lie outright about my diagnosis (said I didn't have the disability for which she was treating me) and advised her, unprompted, to drop me (someone she knew was disabled and unable to work but she was lying about it) off at a homeless shelter. Mom is and was well aware of both my actual condition and the fact that homeless shelters are nightmarish, and said, correctly, that I would either kill myself or get raped and then kill myself. (Actually I would probably hit up some old friends first, but if I really was completely out on my ass with nothing and nowhere to go? Yeah, I'd kill myself before the medicine even wore off because I would have absolutely no chance of surviving.) Mom got her meds filled and did not go back. She did not immediately inform me of this conversation.

Shortly thereafter was my own last appointment with her, during which I confessed I was suicidal. Now, I have admitted this to many health care professionals over the years, mostly because it's on the intake forms. The normal reaction is to check in about it, make sure I don't have plans, and confirm that I am recieving treatment. While I generally don't bring it up to others, I'm pretty sure the normal response from someone without medical training is probably horror and concern.

This woman? She fucking taunted me.

I told my mom after and said I wasn't going back, at which point mom revealed the conversation above and said she also wasn't going back.

It's hard to imagine what was going on in that woman's mind, but I don't think this is something that can be attributed to incompetence. This woman, after pushing me for a while to get a job despite my multiple, barely treated or entirely untreated debilitating disabilities that make employment completely impossible, wanted me dead and actively tried to achieve that result.

Neither of us had the energy to do anything besides not going back, though. We are and were both very ill, after all.

This was years ago. More than five, less than ten. I was only thinking about it again because my current psychiatrist (who is great) joined that monster's former practice (which sucks) a couple years ago. At the time, I looked up the monster and she had thankfully stopped practicing like a year or so after we stopped seeing her. (She also had tons of negative reviews, some of them begging people not to go to her. She had only practiced for a few years.)

Now, while I was there before, I didn't have any trouble with the office, but now it also has tons of negative reviews because they simply don't ever communicate or authorize refills unless you manage to personally get ahold of a human AND get them to do it while you are on the phone with them. So I was unmedicated earlier, and experiencing a really nasty withdrawal, and was generally a mess. Managed to get yet another emergency supply from a 24 hour pharmacy but it hasn't kicked in yet so trying to sleep did not go well. Got up again and googled the monster.

Found her obituary.

And I am not usually one to celebrate death. But once I confirmed it was indeed for the same person, I could only think, "Thank God."

Because she really fucking tried to kill me. I don't think I really fully processed that until now. She tried to kill me because demanding I simply do the things my disabilities prevent me from doing didn't yield results. She tried to kill me and I don't think I was the only one. This woman went through medical school and spent years of her life trying to kill disabled people for being disabled. If you could work, or had worked but were now retired, she'd refill your existing prescriptions and do absolutely nothing else. And apparently, if you couldn't work, she'd try to kill you in a way she would almost certainly get away with.

She can't hurt anyone else. I still can't work but I've never tried to kill anyone. Maybe I'm useless but at she chose to be worse than useless. And I outlived her.

("If you refuse to simply stop being disabled, you should die" Ok well have you tried simply not dying, doc? Oh it didn't work for you? Tragic)

[astramthetaprime]

The Balance of a Hair

On August 12th, I woke up at 5 AM and lay there a few moments before I smelled the most horrible nauseating smell.

A moment later my mind shorted out and for at least a couple minutes I lay there not able to fit thoughts together, not even enough to know what was going on around me -- not my dog beside me, the ceiling over my head, the blanket across my chest.

It passed after a couple minutes.

And I got up to start my day an hour earlier than usual since there was no way I could get back to sleep.

This has been happening since about 2021 or 2022. It's inconvenient since it usually happens several times over the course of a day, but happens in no discernible pattern over the course of months. It doesn't seem to cause any permanent damage, has no cause I've been able to determine. Just the horrible vomit-inducing smell and dissociative episode, lasts a couple minutes, might make me almost throw up, might make me kind of shaky after two or three times in a day. But then it's gone and I go on with my life.

I hadn't been paying much attention, because it did no lasting harm.

But now, I'm working outside of the house and having to drive to work five days a week. And on the 12th, it happened while I was driving on one of the busiest roads in my city, surrounded by early morning rush hour traffic.

I'm all right. I didn't hit anyone. But the very real possibility that I could have easily killed myself or someone else crossed a line and once I got to work I called my doctor to make an appointment.

They managed to schedule me fairly quickly and I went in this past week. I'd written down all I could piece together about the incidents and gave it to my NP.

She completely ignored the parts where I dissociated in the middle of rush hour traffic, claimed it was just acid reflux, and prescribed Pepcid for it.

Then, out of left field, she wrote a referral for an ADHD assessment and a prescription for Adderall, when I had said nothing about that and hadn't asked for it.

She just ... threw an addictive stimulant at me. Because, y'know, nothing bad ever comes of easy access to addictive psychoactive stimulant drugs. ( /sarcasm )

Throughout my life, I've avoided drugs at all costs whenever I could. Some drugs are beneficial, I'm on three without which I would be dead. But for several years in my 20s I was on Paxil, an SSRI anti-depressant. They tell you it's non-addictive. The hell it isn't. You build up a tolerance for it and have to keep upping the dosage to get the same effect. And God help you if you're forced to give it up cold turkey. Ask me how I know.

(Pro tip, if you have to give up Paxil cold turkey, it makes your head spin like a top, to the point of vomiting. Keep a supply of motion sickness meds at hand -- Dramamine -- and keep on it until you're clean of the Paxil. You're welcome.)

Beyond this, it is strongly implied now that I'm considered to have both ADHD and Autism. I didn't come to the ADHD conclusion myself. I'm still really coming to terms with being Autistic. But now, ADHD and substances I am not sanguine about allowing into my body. It's a matter of agency, of bodily autonomy. I didn't consent to this, really. I was told out of the blue that I would be assessed for ADHD when I hadn't asked for that and hadn't been prepared for it.

Another pit opened beneath me, and I don't know who I am anymore.

I can't see by this new light.

The edit for my manuscript came back on Monday, it's Friday, I haven't even been able to open the file to start on it. $1600 for that edit, I haven't even been able to open the file.

But by God two nights ago I did a solid two hours on Ember Star because I took an Adderall at noon and nine hours later I was still going strong.

Am I being played by my NP because she has a quota to fill? She's short on her Adderall scripts this month and there's crazy old Aunty Proton, Autistic as fuck, we'll just slap down that referral and a script and hey we're up by one. Latest statistics say 70% of Autistics also qualify as ADHD, she probably is, we'll just get the cart before the horse and throw drugs at a problem that hasn't even been diagnosed yet.

No one seems to see me here, losing all my concept of who I am.

There's probably a drug for that too.

[girlwithanaverageeq]

Day Five

Hello!

I am leaving soon to go to a sleepover-I'm so excited-but I am going to do the last two days recap now.

So, Sunday was Father's Day, I was excited because I had lots of things to do! Church was great, and we keep my some of my nieces and nephew every weekend, so they always keep it energetic!

Church ran pretty smoothly, after the plan was to go out to lunch with my brother, sister in law-ish, dad, uncle, sister, and then my nieces and nephew. It did get pretty stressful and annoying because some people were being impatient and then immature. I tried to stay positive and have a good time, which I did for the most part!

Then my sister and I brought the babies back to our house and we had some fun outside before doing a father's day dinner at my grandparent's house. It was really nice and I was glad we were all together.

I did get tired at the end and a little bit fed up, little kids are a lot of work! But like the other day, I just had to remind myself that it was supposed to be a good day, so let me act like it.

On Monday, my sister and I helped some ladies from church clean up a cemetery. It was pretty nice out and it felt good to make everything look nice and pick up some litter.

Afterwards I relaxed at home before a long dentist appointment. I was definitely getting worried because I already knew I would be a little late cheer practice because of it, but everything was taking so long because one of my people working on me was newer. I did give her the benefit of the doubt though and kept a good attitude. Easier said than done, but I managed!

Then I got to cheer about 35 minutes into the 2 hour practice. However, despite how nervous I was, cheer went really well! Most of my stunts were pretty good and I got called a good back spot and told good catch when my flyer fell and I caught her. This was such a good mood boost! I enjoy doing cheer so much, you don't even know!

Then at home I chilled and before going to sleep, my friends and I, that I'm about to hang out with, facetimed and it was so much fun! Love my friends so much!

Anyway, the big thing to take from this is to try and keep a good attitude, because it honestly can improve some really sucky situations. Thanks for reading! God bless you. ♡

[namuneulbo]

week ninety-one

i had tuesday and wednesday off this week and i had a morning shift on monday so afterwards i went shopping. i needed pyjamases and i found three !!!! i wont need anymore in a while. one was just a pair of pants, one was a pink barbie set and one was a black more lingerie-esque dress. i havent tried sleeping in the dress yet.

tuesday! i was off work! i went to watch oppenheimer w my dad in the evening. it was so good omg. i really liked it and god i love cillian murphy. i also found out ss height hehe i told him how tall i was weeks ago when he asked me but i never got to find out his. ive been thinking ab it a lot bc back then he said i wasnt much shorter than him so i held my expectations low but he exceeded. i think hes a very nice height :)

wednesday was piercing day!!! i got another piercing in my lobes. i went w t and we went by bus. we talked the entire way there and then we went for breakfast at a café and then we went shopping while waiting for our piercing appointments. i had a mozzarella and pesto filled croissant at the café and it was so good but the coffee i had was extremely mid. i got a phone case from tiger and i got a pair of loafers from h&m.

the piercing hurt more than i thought it would. my first lobes, and my first piercings ever, were made w a piercing gun and the pain was quick and not even really there. i healed just fine from them so i actually wanted to do that from the beginning but nowadays thats the same price as just going to an actual piercer so yk. afterwards me and t walked round a few places trying to find a restaurant. t suggested this pasta place and we went but they only had two things on the menu at that hour so we decided to look for more places and ending up where we always end up, hesburger.

i slept the entire bus ride home.

i woke up feeling like shit on thursday. i had sensed it a bit the evening before but it was really bad in the morning so i decided to call in sick from work. it was insane, dude. i first call this girl whose like a bit of an upper employee who was at work at that hour and she doesnt answer so i message her. i give her some time to reply and when she does she told me to call the boss. i absolutely despise talking to her. everything she says is said in such a negative and mean tone and shes always hissing. literally get teary-eyed whenever i talk to her im not even kidding and shes made me cry before. anyways, i call her and i tell her ive been feeling poorly all morning and she just hangs up? so i get pissed off and send the same thing through text. she doesnt reply but i never go to work that day and no one says anything ab it.

later in the day i go to the store to go buy soda and chips. i go for a little walk afterwards and it was very nice apart from the fact that i was wearing too much. i got home and just played a bunch of gta.

saturday! i had another work shift although it was shorter. it felt way longer though which is rare for mornings. i was supposed to go to the pharmacy after work to go buy a specific nose spray but ofc i forgot. i was already pissed off but i changed out of my work clothes and dressed up a bit and it made me feel better. i wore my new loafers.

i once again forgot to go to the pharmacy and realized after i already went shopping and ordered food so it was a bit panicky considering i got ice cream from the store. it turned out fine though although going to the pharmacy w a bag of fast food is something im not planning on doing again anytime soon.

today i had work for five hours in the morning... OR SO I THOUGHT. it was 10 minutes before my shift was ‘ending’ when my colleague walks up and asks when i want to go on my second break. i was like “what? i have two?” and he was like “u have three.” and i tell him i end in ten minutes and he was like “what? no ur not?” and we checked and i had indeed the wrong time. in my defense it was one of the lists that the boss said might change so i just had the old shift written down in my calendar TT i had to stay for another two hours... i managed though since yk,, it kind of helped getting through the hard part which are the early mid-hours thinking i was gonna go home soon and then after realizing my shift was longer it was still just two hours but it still annoyed me a lot.

ive been talking a lot w s. i reallyreally like talking to himmm and i still dont know if were flirting or not but like im def more on the positive side. yesterday he asked me if he should shave or not which i consider a thing guys only ask if they like u so :) im probably just bullshitting that though. i think weve got something though bc we literally talk all day everyday. ah, hes so fun.

sotw: bring me the horizon - pray for plagues

[marmixedwithabitofintellect]

The Story of You

Lovies I am so so happy that this chapter is finally here! This chapter was definitely one of my favorites to write and I am so excited for you guys to read these almost 10k words!! For this one we have both visuals and an IG post coming soon! Thank you so much for your patience, I cannot wait to hear what you think and see what this story has in store for us! 🥰🥰 All the love 🤍 Mar

Disclaimer: In no way do I wish to spread hate or negative opinions about any of the characters here depicted, this is just fiction and with the purpose of entertaining you guys

Part 17: Reunited

November 23, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 9:00 AM

The smell of coffee and cinnamon made my mouth water while I walked out to the kitchen, I saw Anne cooking with her back to me, I smiled before making myself known, “Good morning, Anne”, she turned to look at me and gave me a smile “Darling! Good morning! How did you sleep?”, I stood beside her and gave her a side hug

“I slept good, thankfully there was not so much kicking as other nights”, she plated the French toast and placed it on the table, “Do you want some coffee? Made some decaf for you”, I nodded and sat down beside her and started eating

“Thank you for breakfast, this looks delicious”, she took a bite and smiled, “Anything for you two, so any plans today?”, I smiled at this, “Well… would you like to meet your grandbaby?”, her faced showed a beaming smile and some tears, “Really? I would love to honey”, she reached in for a hug

“I have an appointment at noon, maybe later we could go grocery shopping and cook that pasta we made when I first went to visit you guys?”, she nodded, “I think it is a great plan, I’ll also start stocking up on ingredients for the meals I want to make for you”

We finished eating breakfast, washed the dishes and went to get ready, about an hour later we called a cab and headed to Betty’s office, after the 20-minute ride we got there and Anne gave me a hug, you could see the happiness and excitement radiate of from her.

When we got into the office Randy signed us in and about five minutes later Betty came out to get me, “Hi mama! how are we doing huh? We aren’t pulling any funny business huh?”, I returned the hug and laughed a little, “No funny business, back to their regular kicking routine and Braxton-Hicks”

I stood next to Anne who was smiling so big and then turned to look at my midwife, “Betty, this is Anne, Harry’s mom”, Betty smiled so big and reached in to give Anne a hug, “Oh my God hello! Congratulations grandma! I am so excited and happy to meet you!”, she pulled back and Anne smiled, “It is my pleasure, I have only heard good things from you”

She guided us back to her office where I settled on the bed with the help of Anne while Betty washed her hands, she helped me lift my shirt and started feeling my belly, “Well thankfully baby is still well positioned for a natural delivery which makes me really happy”

I smiled when I heard that and she squeezed my shoulder, “Have you lost your mucus plug lovey?”, I shook my head, “Okay that’s fine, it will most likely happen in the next days, which is totally normal, now if you don’t mind I wanna do a pelvic exam”, I nodded and she smiled, “Okay lovey, so I need you to put your knees up and flop them like a butterfly and take some deep breaths okay?”

I did as she told me and Anne grabbed my hand to give it a squeeze while she put on some sterile gloves, it was definitely an uncomfortable feeling but it didn’t hurt, a few moments later she pulled back, and as Anne helped me lower my legs Betty removed her gloves while speaking, “So, you are about 20% effaced which is good, and about two centimeters dilated, I know it may not seem much but this is all good, it means we are on our way to have a baby”

“We can say that baby watch has officially begun, so if they do not arrive within the next two weeks we will discuss some induction options, but we will do it how you want okay? I will give you a list of things you can try to induce labor, but if you want my opinion, let them come when they want to come, you are perfectly healthy, and your body knows when the time will be right”

I nodded and smiled, Betty then turned to look at Anne and gave her a very soft smile, “So grandma, are you ready to meet your grandbaby?”, Anne nodded her head and squeezed my arm while Betty turned off the lights and turned on the ultrasound machine, she placed some of the cold gel on my belly and I shivered, a few seconds later the grainy image came to life with a picture of a tiny foot

“Dear that is definitely a Styles foot”, we laughed at Anne’s comment while Betty continued with the scan, we turned when she was checking their bits and then turned back to the screen where we could see their profile, “Fluid level is great, now let’s hear that heart”, she clicked a button and the room came to life with the sound I had engraved in my mind and heart for the last nine months.

Anne let out a sniffle and wiped her tears with the tissue she was holding, “I’m sorry, its’ just... it’s so amazing to hear it live, the recordings Harry sent us don’t do It justice”, I gave her a smile, “I’m so happy you are here”, Betty then turned on the 4D option and started moving the probe, she measured the cord and placenta before stopping near their face and laughing.

We turned to the screen and the baby was yawning, which in turn had both Anne and me awwing and tearing up and I spoke up, “Well someone is tired from keeping his or her parents on their toes huh?”, Betty and Anne laughed at my joke, we spent about fifteen minutes more just looking at the baby and trying to pinpoint who he or she looked most like.

Anne helped me clean myself as well as getting down from the bed, Betty handed me the cup and I went into the bathroom to retrieve the sample, after I finished, I placed the sample on the tray designated for these purposes and headed back to her office.

Betty was giving Anne some copies of the ultrasound when I got there and she also had some printed for me, I sat down on the chair opposite to Anne and Betty started talking, “Well I see no problem for you right now, I’ll give you these pamphlets, please read them, they have interesting information on labor signs and everything”

I nodded and placed them in my bag, while she finished writing down my notes, she closed then and gave them back to me, “Okay, so you have received your birth kit, right?”, I nodded, “Okay good, we will send your sample to the lab and if anything is wrong, I’ll let you know”, I nodded again.

We made our way out of the office and I scheduled the appointment for next week, when we got out to the street Anne pulled me into a hug and kissed my head, I nuzzled into the hug and realized it had been too long since I had a motherly figure care for me, I was so into it that I didn’t realize I was crying until Anne pulled back with a worried look, I gave her a small reassuring smile, “I’m okay, I promise”

She nodded but didn’t look entirely convinced and we made our way to the grocery store, after buying what we needed we headed home. It was around seven when we finished preparing dinner and while it heated in the oven, we sat down to have some tea, Anne grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze, “You know I care so deeply for you, don’t you?”, I nodded, “If you need anyone to talk, I’m here to listen”

I looked at Anne and gave her a small smile, “My mom…well she kind of disowned me when she found out I was pregnant”, she gave me a shocked face and squeezed my hand, I sniffled before speaking up, “I guess she never liked Harry, well not really him but what being with him meant for me, so you can imagine her reaction when she found out I was having his baby”

“Sweet girl...”, I sniffled, “I guess I never knew how much I missed having my mom hug me; and I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I love you Anne, and you are the closest thing I have to a mom”, she cleared her throat, “And I will always be here for you, you know I love you like a daughter”, I pulled her in for a hug and after a few we pulled back.

She took a sip of her tea before speaking up, “Does Harry know this?”, I shook my head, “Darling…”, I squeezed her hand, “I can’t do it Anne, I know he will blame himself for that, every time my parents made a snarky comment he would apologize and feel so bad when it wasn’t his fault; this is not his fault, it is theirs and they will have to live with it”

She ran a hand down my face and squeezed my cheek, “Why do you protect him so much hmm?”, I placed my hand over hers and squeezed it, “Because I love him, with all my body, soul and being, even if he does not love me anymore”, she sighed and shook her head, “Darling, he loves you too, so much, more than he realizes he does”, it was my turn to shake my head

“He loves the idea of me having his baby Anne, and I’m okay with that, because I know that he will love this baby with all his heart and I’ll keep loving him”, she kissed my head and made her way to the kitchen and I swore I heard her mutter, “We’ll see about that”

November 24, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 2:00 PM

My legs were shaking from excitement, it had been far too long since I had seen Gemma and I couldn’t wait to see her; she had let us know they had landed and would go to Harry’s house and leave their bags before joining us for lunch. Anne placed her hand on my knee and laughed a little, “Darling you need to relax or you’ll cause an earthquake”

I laughed a little and took a sip of my lemonade, suddenly there were two hands covering my eyes and someone whispered in my ear, “Guess who?”, I smiled and stood up as best as I could and hugged Gemma, she squeezed me harder and whispered, “Hi you, I missed you”, I squeezed back, “Hi G, I missed you too”

We pulled back and held each other at an arm’s length, “Look at you! You are glowing!”, I said hello to Michal, and we sat down, I was sitting between Gemma and Anne, Gemma then placed her hands on the belly, “Hi little munchkin, I’m your auntie Gem, I am so happy to finally meet you!”, a few seconds later the baby kicked, and I could see the biggest smile on her face

“Oh! I see you baby; we need to have a serious conversation, what was that thing of you trying to break out early huh? I mean I understand if you don’t wanna wait for your dad but for me? Come on! Well now that I am here you can come”, we all laughed at that, Anne tsked her lips, “Hey now, I think we can convince this baby to hold up huh?”  

Conversation broke out and then Gemma squeezed my hand and whispered, “Mum told me about what happened with your mum… how are you?”, I sighed, “I mean, I am sad, but I have processed it”, she nodded and squeezed my hand, I sniffled before speaking up, “She's a Bitch”, Gemma laughed, “She's your mum”, I turned to look at her and shrugged my shoulders

“She deserves it, honestly”, I sniffled, “She broke me”, Gemma pulled me in for a hug and kissed my head, I pulled back and squeezed her hand, “But it’s’ okay, I have you guys, and I don’t need anything else”, she smiled, “And we will always be here with you, and now we will spoil you until this little love shows up okay?”

“I know you will, we are just missing your dear brother”, she gave me a teasing look and I rolled my eyes, “Gemma… stop”, she took a sip of her water, “You can deny it all you want, but you two will end up together and it won’t be because of this munchkin, but because you truly love each other, auntie’s intuition”, I laughed and shook my head before turning to look at my belly, “See what you have to look forward to bug?”

November 25, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 4:00 PM

Thanksgiving was all set and ready in Harry’s house; Anne, Gemma and I only had to focus on the decorations and name placements, I went into Harry’s room and got ready, the outfit I chose made me feel pretty and sexy, I put on some light makeup and then went downstairs, I could hear some noise and cheers, so I assumed that guests had finally arrived.

When I went into the kitchen Harry was standing with his back to me, my heart started beating so fast when I knew I was about to see him, I cleared my throat and he turned and God, there was that smile I had missed so much, he smiled at me and said “Hi lovie”

November 25, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

Harry. New York, New York. 4:10 PM

Gemma and my mum were so happy to see me, and I was too, but I was so anxious to see Y/N, I took a sip of the beer Jeff had pulled out while we waited for her to be ready, a few seconds later I heard her clear her throat, I had to take a deep breath before turning to see her hoping that I wouldn’t lose it.

My heart was beating so fast, she looked so beautiful, she was a little fuller on the face and the belly… man that belly made me wanna kiss her right on the spot, I smiled before speaking, “Hi lovie”, I started making my way to her and grabbed her face before placing a kiss on her forehead, I felt her reach for my hands and gave them a squeeze.

I pulled back a little before whispering to her, “Can I hug you?”, she nodded and whispered back, “Please do”, I pulled her into my arms and started swaying us a little, she nuzzled into my neck and I squeezed her and released a breath I had been holding for the last few days; I saw that everyone who was in the kitchen made their way out to give us some privacy.

After a few glorious minutes I pulled back but still kept her in my hold and looked down to see her giving me a small smile, which I returned, “Do you mind if I say hello?”, she shook her head and squeezed my waist before pulling back, I kneeled in front of her belly and ran my hands down the sides before pressing my lips next to her belly button before starting to talk to the baby

“Excuse me little one, mind explaining to me why were you trying to break free while I was mid-show? That seems a bit rude to me and unfair to your mama who was really scared, I thought we agreed that you would wait until daddy was back home huh?”, I smiled at the kick aimed to his left hand

“Nuh-uh, you cannot talk back to your father young one; now, I still have one more show to go, but after that you can come whenever you are ready”, I kissed the belly again before standing up and kissing her forehead, “You have no idea how scared I was”, she smiled and squeezed my arm, “Oh H, I was too, I was truly worried they would really come and you wouldn’t be here”

I smiled at her, “I would have literally taken eight flights if it meant I would be back here with you; you are not getting rid of me that easily darling”, she smiled at that, we stayed there staring at each other just like we did when we first started dating, like there was nobody else in the Universe except for us.

A clearing of a throat pulled us both back from our staring, Gemma gave us a smirk and teasing smile, “Mum asked me to come get you guys, everyone’s ready to eat”, we nodded and followed her to the dining room where everyone had already taken their place and I saw Gemma wink at me when I realized we were sitting together.

Dinner was amazing, and I was so grateful to have my band here along with my family, including my dad who had also arrived today, and I realized that this is what I wanted for us to have, for my baby to grow with, a home full of love, happiness, support, and I would do everything in my will power to do so.

Mitch clinked his glass to get everyone’s attention and cleared his throat while he stood up, “As you all know, I am a man of very few words, practically none if we’re honest”, we all laughed at that, “But I wanted to take the opportunity to give a toast and celebrate, last year a lot of us were not together, we didn’t even know each other but this year, this year we are together and what an adventure we have been on”

There was a cheer and holler all around the table, after it quieted down a little Mitch continued, “So I guess, I just wanted to say thank you, to H for believing in me all this time, to Sarah for being the best partner and mother to our baby, to the band for making it feel like home away from home, to Jeff for putting up with all of us, Anne, Gem, Des and Michal for making us part of your family”

The smiles and some tears were present in the face of all the attendants, Mitch then turned and looked at Y/N, “And especially to you Y/N, for being you; most of you don’t know this, but Y/N helped me pick Sarah’s ring and plan the proposal, she sent us meals when our baby arrived and spent a lot of nights at the phone with Sarah while she shared her fears and anxieties of being a new parent; I hope everyone finds a Y/N and when they do, they make sure to keep her in a tight hold”

Everyone cheered and clapped, I turned to look at Mitch and he gave me a look that meant business, I nodded his head and then squeezed Y/N’s hand to get her attention, when she turned to look at me she gave me a smile which I returned to her, “Thank you for this adventure, the best is yet to come”, she kissed my cheek, “The best is truly yet to come”

November 26, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

Harry. New York, New York. 11:30 AM

I knocked on Y/N’s door and a few seconds later she opened and I felt the air leave my lungs, she looked so beautiful, “You look lovely”, she smiled and laughed, “Thank you H, come in, I am just finishing my make up”, I closed the door behind me and followed her to her room, “Hey has the bassinet arrived?”, she answered from the bathroom, “Supposed to within the next two to three days”

She popped her head out of the bathroom, “Are you going to tell me where we are going?”, I shook my head, “Absolutely not, the only thing I will tell you is that you will love it”, she rolled her eyes and went back into the bathroom, I took out my phone and texted the group to remind them to let me know when we were supposed to leave

“Take all the time you need love, I am awaiting instructions from the organizing committee”, she laughed at that, “Okay then, let me fix my hair just a little more”, twenty minutes later my mom texted that they were ready, “Love? You ready to go?”, I heard the toilet flush and the door open and close, “I am let me grab my bag”

We made our way to the car where I opened the door for her and then got into the driver’s seat; I started making my way to the venue we had rented for the baby shower, when we stopped in front of a hotel, she turned to look at me, “You have got to be kidding me, Harry! I said that you did not need to spend a huge amount of money!”

I laughed and got out of the car, grabbing the blindfold I had brought for the occasion, “Oh hush, you know me and the fact that I wouldn’t listen to what you said regarding budget, you deserve to be spoilt and celebrated, and I’m the happiest to do it for you”, I gave her a kiss on the cheek

“Now, as requested by the committee, I will place this blindfold on you and remove it once we are there, okay?” she nodded and I placed the blindfold carefully over her eyes, “Now, how many fingers do I have up?”, she snorted

“You are a dork, I truly cannot see”, “Hey just wanted to make sure, shall we?”, she nodded, and she reached for my hand, we started walking towards the elevator, when we got there, she said to me, “Please don’t let my hand go”, I squeezed her hand and told her “I never will”

November 26, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 12:15 PM

My heart was beating so fast I was surprised it hadn’t burst out of my chest yet, as the elevator went up my excitement did too, I was so thankful that I had a family and friends who were wanting to celebrate my baby, even if my own wouldn’t be there. The elevator stopped and Harry grabbed my hand, and we walked a few steps before stopping.

He stood behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders giving me a squeeze, he whispered, “Are you ready?”, I nodded and closed my eyes so that when he removed the blindfold it wouldn’t be too harsh on my eyes, I gave it a few seconds before opening them and I felt tears reach my eyes.

The rooftop overlooked the Manhattan skyline, the staff had closed the windows which made the temperature warm for us to enjoy the day, there was a single table made up of four rectangular tables that would allow for all of us to talk, every few places there were some flowers to decorate the space, a balloon garland with the image of Peter Rabbit was seen on the far corner.

I started walking some more and saw that they had hung up a sign, and next to it was a table with some desserts that kept up with the theme as well as a lovely cake, as I neared the table, I could see that in each place there was a card for guests to fill.

I turned to look at Anne, Sarah, Gemma, and Glenne, and gave them a teary smile before opening my arms so I could hug them, “Thank you guys, this is way more than I could have ever thought”, I felt Anne place a kiss on my temple before speaking up, “You and this little baby deserve it”, Harry cleared his throat, and everyone dispersed so I could hug him

“H… this, this is so wonderful, thank you truly”, he pulled back a little but still kept me in his hold, “You deserve this, and so much more”, there was something on the way he said it that made me feel warm, and for a second the feeling I had when I hugged him yesterday returned, what was happening?

We pulled back when the elevator opened, and the rest of the band and family appeared; hugs and kisses were given and drinks started flowing, I was talking with Gemma, Sarah, and Elin when someone poked my shoulder, I turned and smiled when I saw Jason standing there, “Hi you! I’m so happy you could make it!”

“I wouldn’t miss this”, we both reached to hug each other, and he squeezed me a little before pulling back, “So… no scares?”, I laugh and placed my hands on my belly, “No scares, hoping they stay put until after the 28th”, he nodded and smiled before reaching in for a folded paper on his inside pocket and handed It to me

“Before I forget, I had pretty clear instructions from one Ms. Daisy Josephine Sudeikis Wilde to give you this as soon as I saw you”, I laughed and unfolded the piece of paper, inside was a drawing of flowers, butterflies, hearts, and a little baby with the words ‘Congratulations Y/N’ scribbled by Jason I assumed

“Aww sweet girl! I love this! this is definitely going into my scrapbook I’m making”, he smiled at that before clearing his throat, “I also have some other gifts additional to the one requested, but I’ll give them to you later, yeah?”, I nodded and Gemma stepped up, “Jason let me show you where your seat is, I hope you don’t mind we sat you next to Pauli, he’s a big fan of ‘Ted Lasso’”

I smiled when I saw them walk away and turned to look at Sarah who was looking at the bar with an amused smile, “What?”, she laughed a little, “Well if looks could kill, I know someone who would be convicted to murder”, before I could ask her to elaborate more, Anne announced that lunch was ready and we should all take our places, so we made our way to the table.

November 26, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

Harry. New York, New York. 12:45 PM

I was at the bar sipping on a cocktail and talking with my dad and Michal when I heard Y/N say hello to someone very enthusiastically, when I turned to see where she was standing my heart started beating fast and an unconformable sweat prickled my hands and the back of my head.

 Jason reached in to hug her, and I grabbed my drink in order to stop myself from going over there and kissing the hell out of Y/N, a snicker pulled me out of my trance, and I turned to see Glenne standing next to me, sipping from her champagne, and giving me a smirk, “I can smell the jealousy seeping from your pores H”

I grumbled before finishing my drink and placing the empty glass on the bar, “What the hell is he doing here?!”, Glenne scoffed, “You’ve got to be kidding me, are you seriously asking me that?”, I rolled my eyes, “No Glenne, I’m kidding. Of course I’m asking; who invited him?”, Glenne crossed her arms, “Y/N did, must I remind you that it is her baby shower, and she is entitled to invite whoever she pleases?”

I let out a breath, “I’m sorry, you are right”, she squeezed my shoulder, “You need to understand that they are friends, H, they bonded over the same experience, which by the way was caused by you”, I gave her a small laugh, “And that won’t stop them from getting together”, she laughed, and I turned to look at her, “Glenne! It is not funny!”, “It is if you ask me”, she squeezed my arm

“H, it has taken you a while to see what you have in front, and well if she decided to see where things would go between them I would be her first supporter”, I scoffed, “But I love you two, and I know that things will work out between you two, but I will let you know now: if you pull another stupidity like the one you pulled, I will kill you”

I smiled and hugged her, “Thank you Glenne, I know I fucked things up, but I promise that I will fix everything I did wrong”, my mum called us to the table and we made our way, I smiled when Y/N reached her hand out to me so we could sit next to each other, “H, are you okay?”, I gave her a smile, “I am darling, now let’s enjoy this okay?”

November 26, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 3:00 PM

The food catered was delicious and left us all full and the desserts were heavenly, while we were eating cake and enjoying the other desserts, conversation broke through, the mothers of the group were giving me advice and Anne shared with us stories of both Gemma and Harry when they were babies, while we were laughing so hard Gemma cleared her throat and turned to look at me, “I think we never asked you, but when did you find out you were pregnant?”

I smiled when I thought of that day and Harry spoke up, “It’s true! I never asked you”, I smiled, “You wanna know?”, everyone nodded, “Okay, uhm well let’s see”

 April 26, 2021: Week Seven

New York, New York. 9:10 AM

The alarm clock pulled me from my slumber and had me grumbling, this week at work had been one of the worst so far, but I still had a job and that is all that mattered, I got out and made my bed, got changed and left my apartment to head over on my run.

After I finished, I decided to stop at Trader Joe’s before arriving back home, I was browsing the fruit and vegetables section when I saw the container that held kiwis and my mouth watered, I reached in and grabbed three kiwis, truth be told I wasn’t a huge kiwi fan, but they looked so good.

I grabbed a few other essentials and when I stopped at the personal hygiene aisle and saw the boxes of tampons and pads, I furrowed my brows, I hadn’t used the new box I bought about three weeks ago, I then turned to see my cart and noticed that I had slipped a few snacks and foods I wouldn’t normally buy.

Huh, that’s weird, now that I think of it, I hadn’t been drinking my coffee lately because it was leaving a very weird after taste and spicy food had been giving so much heartburn that Tums had become my best friend, one would think I was pregnant huh.

I laughed a little, one needs to have sex to be able to get pregnant and I really wasn’t partaking in that lately, a few seconds after this thought dread filled my stomach, I did have sex, with Harry, in L.A., a month ago, shit. I paid for my groceries and made to the nearest pharmacy where I bought two pregnancy tests, a traditional as well as a digital one just to be sure.

Once I got home, I called my boss and told her I was feeling sick, so she told me to take it easy today because thankfully we were ahead of schedule. I unloaded the groceries, took a shower, and cleaned my bathroom, seeing the boxes of pads and tampons brought back the dread I was feeling. I returned to the living room and sat down, the tests were in the table in front of me and mocking me.

Flashbacks from that night appeared, his smile, the flirting, the love, the familiarity. The urge to say no but the desire for him to hug me once again. The kisses and touches, the whispered ‘I love you’s’ and ‘I missed you’s’. The guilt once the morning came, the sadness of things being over and above all the goodbye, the thins that hurt the most.

It was around six in the evening when I finally had the courage to take the tests, I washed my hands and left them in the bathroom and sat down in the living room to wait for the five minutes to pass; God how did I end up in this situation? Why did I have to allow myself to fall to his arms again?

Harry. How would he react? Would he want to know the baby? He had his life settled with her, and even if it pains me, I wouldn’t ask for him to break it. An alarm beeped and weirdly, I felt at peace, I took a deep breath and went into the bathroom, I grabbed the tests and sat down on the living room. Deep breaths Y/N, everything will be okay. I closed my eyes and them turned the tests in my hands. Deep breaths. I opened my eyes.

Two lines. A screen that read ‘Pregnant. 3+’

November 26, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

Harry. New York, New York. 3:45 PM

Tears were clouding my eyes; I was even prouder of the woman who was sitting next to me. I kissed her temple and she turned to hug me before I whispered, “You are so strong, I am so thankful to have you be the mother of my child”, she pulled back and smiled.

I cleared my throat and turned to see everyone, “I wanna thank you all for coming today, for celebrating with us the arrival of our baby, who thankfully decided to wait for every single one of you to be here”, laughter could be heard, “We will cherish and keep these little keepsakes on who gifted our baby each book and will give them to him or her when they are older, now before we continue celebrating I would love to read a letter I wrote for my baby”

Everyone sat up straighter and I knew that tears were already clouding Y/N’s vision, “I wrote this letter the day Y/N told me she was pregnant, and I have kept it safe until the baby was born, but I want to share it with you, with our family”, I gave them a smile, cleared my throat and opened the envelope where I kept the letter, I took a deep breath before starting to read

“My love, As I sit here in my kitchen, with a copy of an ultrasound your mum just gave me, I feel everything shift; how can things change so much in such little time? How can someone so small have such an impact in someone as big as me? How have I lived 27 years but feel like my life is just starting?

Somehow my projects, dreams and goals don’t matter anymore, and the only thing I want is to make you happy and to protect you and your mum. Somehow the only thing I have in my mind and in my heart is getting to hug you and kiss you.

I want to promise you here and now that I will always be here for you, that you will always be loved and that there will never be a day where you don’t know this. I promise to show you all that this world has to offer, to give you words of advice when you need them.

I hope that when you are older you know that the world is at your feet and that there is nothing that can stop you, that your mum and I will be the first people to catch you when you fall, and to remember that you will always have someone to be a shoulder to cry on or to offer you, their advice.

I hope that you fall, and you learn from those falls, that you are never afraid to start again and to take new paths. I hope that you remember that life has a zillion options and a blank canvas for you to write your own story on, and I hope you let us be a part of it.

Most of all, I hope that you never stop dreaming, and that you always allow me to be a part of your dreams. You are my dream come true and my motivation to keep going when I feel that everything is falling down.

I am truly grateful I get to be your dad and from the bottom of my heart, never ever forget how much I love you baby, I cannot wait to meet you”

I folded the letter and cleaned my tears, tears and sniffles were running all throughout the whole venue, Y/N stood up and pulled me into a hug, I nuzzled and kissed into her neck, she ran a hand down the back of my head; I truly don’t know how long we stood like that, a few minutes later she whispered

“Thank you for being you H, I couldn’t have chosen a better father for my baby”, I smiled and whispered back, “I would’ve never chosen anyone else to be the mother of my baby”

November 26, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 6:30 PM

After playing some games, people have moved to the bar and couches into different groups, I was sitting down with Sarah, Elin, Mitch, and Harry when Jason walked to where we were sitting and smiled, I smiled back and he spoke up, “I will be leaving soon because I have dad duty, but I wanted to give you this”, he handed me two gift bags.

I picked the first one and he said, “That is from me”, I opened it and pulled a little onesie that read ‘Coach, we’re not in the womb anymore!’ I laughed and showed everyone the onesie, “Jason, I love it! This is awesome! I cannot wait until the baby gets to wear it”, I then grabbed the second bag

“This one was picked by Otis and Daisy when they were visiting their grandparents”, I opened it and pulled out a white box that had some knitted rattles along with a beautiful blanket”, I stood up and gave him a quick hug before pulling back, “Please tell Otis and Daisy that I loved my gift! Here”, I handed him three of the favors we had gotten for the guests, “One is for you, the other two are for Otis and Daisy”

“You didn’t have to, but I know they will love them”, I walked him to the door with Gemma and said our goodbyes, when the elevator closed Gemma hugged me before speaking, “I swear that if looks could kill my dear brother would be in jail”, I laughed a little, “I wish you were right Gem, I really do”

November 27, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 4:00 PM

After the baby shower we headed back to my apartment where we ordered some pizzas, the last guest left at around two, so I had slept in today, Gemma and Michal had some plans with Des, Anne had gone with them to lunch and Harry had rehearsals, but we had all agreed to meet for dinner at my place.

There was a knock on the door, and I smiled when I opened it and a very smiley but sweaty Harry was at the door, “Hello love”, he came in and I smiled, “Hi you! Guess what just arrived!”, his excited face made my heart soar, “The basinet! Oh, how exciting! Uhm, would you mind if I shower before we set everything up?”

I nodded and took him to the guest room, I went into the kitchen and continued preparing the cutlery and lasagna we were going to eat, about twenty minutes later Harry came out, “What can I help you with?”, I turned to look at him, “Why don’t we set the table and then unbox the bassinet?”

He nodded and we started working, after the table we went into my room, Harry was carrying the box and he opened it, after a few we assembled it and placed it beside my bed, Harry sat down next to me, I reclined my head on his shoulder and he spoke up

“It’s crazy, isn’t it? A baby will sleep there in a few days or weeks”, she laughed a little, “It is… H I was thinking, what if you come to stay with me, with us? I understand if you would prefer not to, but I want you to be as close to the baby as possible”

He pulled back and smiled at me, “Are you sure?”, I nodded, “On one condition, can we decorate for Christmas before they arrive?”, I smiled at him and nodded, “We will, let’s do it this weekend, after you rest from your concerts okay?”

Desperate knocks pulled us back from our bubble and we went to open, I could hear Gemma from the kitchen, “God brother what took you so long?”, “Hi to you too Gemma”, they all made their way into the kitchen where I was just finishing everything, “Hello mama! How are you?”, she hugged me and kissed my cheek loudly, I laughed a little, “Hiya babe! How did the sightseeing go?”, “It was awesome, the city has changed so much since the last time I was here”

A few seconds later we were joined by Anne, Des, Michal, and Harry, Anne came to my side and rubbed my belly and kissed my cheek, “Why don’t you sit down? I think we can handle what’s left darling”, I nodded and went into the dining room followed by Gemma, then everyone pitched in and brought dinner.

We ate and chatted for a while, Harry picked up the dishes and put them in the washer while Gemma brought out the dessert and coffee, while doing so Harry and I finished opening the books we had been gifted which included Good Night Moon, Guess How Much I Love You, The Creature Of Habit, Follow Your Dreams Little One, The Very Hungry Caterpillar and so many others.

Anne cleared her throat before standing up and giving us a wrapped box, “I know I have already gifted you some things, but I wanted to give you these, I have been dreaming of being able to knit for my little love and well now, I dream of seeing them use everything I”, I opened the box and felt instant tears in my eyes.

The first thing I pulled out was a yellow set with a bonnet, then there was a white sweater with cherries and a little headband, I then pulled out a pair of booties with a little pom-pom, a bunny lovey, two rompers, and a beautiful, knitted blanket, while I was admiring it Anne spoke up

“I will embroider their initials once they get here”, I placed everything beside me and stood up to hug her, “Thank you so much Anne, this baby is so lucky to have you as their Nana”, she laughed a little and let out a sob, “They’re even luckier to have you as their mum darling”, when we pulled back everyone had tears in their eyes.

Harry made his way to us, and we had another group hug, Harry then leaned to whisper in my ear, “Should we show them?”, I nodded and pulled back with a smile, “Hey guys, would you like to see the nursery?”, smiles, cheers and nods filled the dining room when we made our way to the nursery.

We stood up outside and let Anne open the nursery, “Oh…”, they all walked in and started looking at all the furniture and decorations we had chosen, “I cannot wait to see them in here”, Gemma was looking at the pictures we had hung up, “I love these pictures! And the ultrasound”, I went and stood up next to her, “We just have to set up the books and we will be done”

Harry came and stood up next to me and rubbed m belly, “You hear that little love? Give us a day and then you can come, okay?”, laughter was heard all around the little nursery and I squeezed his arm, “They’ll come when they are ready to come”, he smiled at me, “And I cannot wait for that day to come”

November 28, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 6:00 PM

Hi, my little love, I cannot believe you could be here any day now, it is crazy to think that just over nine months ago you were only a smudge and now I can even see your knees and elbows roll all around my belly.

There is so much to update you on little one, first and foremost everyone is back here! Your Nana Anne, Grandpa Des, uncle Micha,l and auntie Gem finally got to meet you, and you did get a scolding from her and your daddy on your almost early arrival, but they were just jesting, they are very happy and excited to see you.

We were also very lucky because your aunts and grandma and your dad organized a baby shower for us, it was bunny themed, which is very accurate because we now call you bunny love, all our guests gifted you a book lovely, and they wrote a letter for you to keep, I have stored them in a box, and I will show it to you one day <3

Your bassinet also arrived! Daddy was very nice and helped us put it together and it is now sitting in my bedroom and waiting for you to sleep in, I also have finished setting up our changing and post-partum stations.

Today is a very special day for your daddy baby, he is playing the last concert of his tour, it is truly special because he was very sad when he couldn’t start touring because of the pandemic, so being able to be back with your aunts and uncles in the stage and with his fans.

We are waiting for your aunt Glenne, and we will head over there and congratulate your daddy and give him a hug and kiss. Once the concert is over, I will be sure to let you know how it was! Also, please try to hold up until after his concert yeah?

A knock in the door made me close the diary, grab my bag and head to the door, I smiled when I opened it and Glenne was standing at the other side, “Mrs. Azoff you look smoking hot tonight!”, she pulled me in for a hug and smiled, “What about you huh? You look breathtaking!”

I smiled at her, “How much time do we have before we leave?”, she looked at the clock, “Uhm, maybe twenty, why?”, I smiled, “Do you wanna see the nursery?”, her eyes went as big as saucers, “Of course I want to! Come on show me!”, we made our way into the nursery, while she looked, I sat down on the rocking chair, she smiled and turned to look at me

“It’s crazy really to think that there will be a teeny tiny baby here so soon”, a hand ran down my bump, “I don’t know if teeny tiny is the best description according to my last appointment, but yes, it is crazy”, she squeezed my hand, “I cannot wait to kiss them”

November 28, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 8:00 PM

My heart started beating so fast when we pulled into the arena and I could see all the fans waiting for H, the vibe of the place was beautiful and I teared up thinking how proud I was, Glenne handed me my lanyard, and we made our way into the arena. While walking to the backstage area we found Jeff on the way there and he greeted us and let us know he was going to get some special guests for tonight.

We got to the greenroom where we said hello to the band and their family, along with Anne, Gem, Des, and Michal who had gone to catch a show, about ten minutes after we got here the door opened and jeff walked in with some guys and Olivia, I could feel Glenne tense behind me

“G are you okay?”, she sighed, “I promised I would control myself, but I truly wanna give her a piece of my mind after the shit she pulled with you”, I gave her a surprised face and turned to see if any of Harry’s family member caught anything of that, “Glenne shh! Please, I don’t want any more drama”

She then turned to see behind me, and a surprised loom took over her face, “They don’t know?”, I shook my head, “Or at least that is what I think, they haven’t mentioned anything to me; so either H told them not to say anything or they truly don’t know”, she whispered, “Knowing them, they would have lost their shit on Harry, Gemma maybe even on her, which in my opinion should be done”

I gave her a stern look, “You will not say a single word, Glenne, please, I don’t need the added stress”, she sighed and squeezed my arm, “I'm sorry, I really cannot believe that she had the audacity to discuss custody arrangements with H”, I sighed, “I know, but still, I need to be amicable with the future stepmother of my child”

Glenne stood up straighter when she saw someone behind me, before I could ask her what’s wrong, she muttered, “Speak of the devil”, I hit her arm “Glenne!”, I shushed her and turned to see that Olivia was making her way to us, I smiled through my facemask and waved my hand, Olivia stood in front of us and said hello, I had to nudge Glenne to say it back

“Hi Y/N”, “Olivia, hello”, before any of us could speak up Glenne asked, “What the hell are you doing here”, I gave her a stern look asking her to shut it, “Harry invited some of the Don’t Worry Darling production crew”, she hummed in agreement, tension was stiff so I tried to break it, “Thank you, by the way for the gifts, they were lovely”

She smiled a little, “The kiddos chose them, Daisy was so excited to buy them”, I nodded, a few seconds later she cleared her throat, “Uhm, I’ll go back to the crew, just wanted to say hello”, “You definitely should”, I spoke up, “Glenne, that’s enough”, Olivia gave me a sympathetic smile, “It’s okay, I know I deserve it, I just hope you guys are happy”

I furrowed my brows before turning to see Glenne, “What did she mean”, she gave me a teasing look, “Oh please, I know you know”, before I could speak up cheers and hollers were heard and we saw Harry had entered the room, I smiled when I saw him.

I stayed in the back of the room with Sarah, we had agreed I would watch little baby Rowland so that the nanny could enjoy the last concert, it had been about twenty minutes since H entered the room and he was still saying hello to people when he suddenly hugged me from behind and kissed my head, Sarah saw my face and gave me a look that it was okay, I turned to give him a hug and he kissed my forehead and then rubbed the belly, “You ready for this last ride?”

“I am, I will be cheering with baby Rowland”, he furrowed his brows and gave me a put, but God the urge to kiss his lips was very intense, “Why? I want to see you from the stage”, before he could mope more, I spoke up, “My feet are killing me H, and I am running out of breath faster than before”, he squeezed my arm, “But you are okay yeah?”, I nodded.

Jeff then cleared his throat and told everyone they should occupy their place on the pit before H was set to perform, I noticed that Harry did not acknowledge Olivia and that weirded me out, but I tried not to think too much about it, H hugged his family and he then leaned to kiss the belly and whisper to the baby that they should enjoy the concert.

He then stood up gave me a lazy smile and pulled me in for a hug, everyone had let us say pour goodbyes and he pressed his forehead to mine, he then quietly whispered, “Please forgive me for what I am about to do”, I furrowed my brows but before I could ask anything I felt him place his hand on my cheek and nudge his nose with mine before I felt his lips on mine.

I placed my hands on his cheeks and he squeezed my shoulder with his other hand; I truly don’t know how much time passed but we eventually had to pull back, he gave me another peck before pulling back and smirking at me, before he exited the room he turned and called my name, I turned to look at him, “Thank you for the good luck charm”

I walked out of the room and found Glenne holding baby Rowland, she handed him to me, and we waved to her, after she disappeared to the pit entrance and we walked into the dressing room and sat down on the floor to play; my mind was going a thousand miles along with my heart, he kissed me, I smiled and felt my lips with my hands, they were still tingling, oh God, it felt so wrong but so right, and I wanted him to kiss me again.

November 29, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

New York, New York. 11:30 AM

After the success of the concert yesterday we ended up ordering some pizzas and lounging on the green room, Olivia left with the producers of the movie before dinner arrived, and Harry, well Harry was clingy and emotional. I was still processing what happened.

Jeff and Glenne, along with Anne and Gemma had planned this surprise brunch for H to celebrate the tour success and everyone was having a great time, I hadn’t been able to catch up with H and discuss what happened yesterday, but I knew we eventually would.

Glenne sat down next to me and handed me the drink she brought me, I gave her a small smile and took a gulp, I was so thirsty, she took a sip of her drink and I looked around the party when I furrowed my brows, “Hey Glenne, where’s Olivia?”, she gave me a funny look

“Why do you ask? I think we had enough of her, didn’t we? And besides I don’t think this is the place where she should be”, I turned to look at her and ran a hand down my belly where this baby was kicking up a storm, “What do you mean? Why? She is Harry’s girlfriend, isn’t she?”

Glenne snorted a little, when she saw that I didn’t laugh she sat up straighter, “Oh my God, he hasn’t told you”, my heart started beating so fast, “Who? Harry? What has he not told me?”, she shook her head, “I don’t think it is my place to tell you”

I grabbed her hand, “Glenne what happened?”, she sighed, “I really think you should ask Harry”, I gave her an angry stare, “Glenne Christiaansen Azoff do you want me to go into labor from the worry?”, she shook her head and sighed.

She made sure that there was nobody eavesdropping in our conversation and then she grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze, “Babes, Harry and Olivia broke up in L.A.”, my heart stopped beating and my head was spinning, I whispered, “What?”

She sighed, “Look, I don’t really have a lot of information on what happened, but I know things are over between them; and they did not end up on very good terms”, she squeezed my hand, “You okay?”, I nodded, “This is a lot to take in”, Anne appeared behind me and said, “What is a lot to take in love?”, I froze and Glenne spoke up, “The fact that Bridgerton Season 3 will be about Colin and not Benedict right?”, I nodded and smiled.

Gemma and Anne sat next to me and were rubbing the belly and were discussing the names that H and I may have chosen because we had decided to keep them a secret until bunny is here, when all of a sudden I had an urge, so as I stood up I told them, “Hey I will go look for H, I need to talk to him”, they all nodded and I started walking to where I could see him standing with Harry L, Mitch, and Jeff.

November 29, 2021: Week Thirty-Eight

Harry. New York, New York. 12:00 PM

I was so thankful for the party my family had thrown for me, after the rush of the concert yesterday and the rush of kissing Y/N I was on Cloud 9, but add this party to the mix, I felt like bursting.

I haven’t had the opportunity to properly talk to Y/N, but just seeing her mingle with my family and friends made my heart burst enough, Jeff and Mitch had updated Harry L on my whole dating relationship, and I rolled my eyes as they teased me, but I took it gladly, I was busy watching Y/N and when everyone turned to see what I was seeing they started awwing before Harry L spoke up

“So, to what realization did you come after our conversation?”, he took a sip of the drink he had in his hand, the after party in full swing, I smiled and sighed before speaking up, “It’s always been her, there hasn’t been a moment when she was not, and I’m so stupid for having just realized this and having us go through so much heartbreak” I then turned my head to see Y/N with Gemma, my mom and Glenne, all of them caressing the bump, “And I vow to do whatever it takes to get her back”

Mitch clasped my back and they all laughed, “About damn time, and I know things will work out between you two, because you are soulmates”, I smiled and suddenly Jeff cleared his throat and I turned to see Y/N coming my way so they left so we could be together.

I smiled and so did she, I opened my eyes and kissed her forehead, “Hi you, I’ve missed you”, she squeezed, “I’ve missed you too”, we stayed like that for a few seconds before she cleared her throat, “Uhm, listen…”, I nodded and smirked, “I think we should talk about yesterday”, my heart dropped to my stomach, shit I screwed up, until I saw her smirk and my heart started beating faster, “Oh, you wanna talk about yesterday?”, she nodded.

I whispered in her ear “Meet me in five in the other side of the rooftop yeah?”, she squeezed my hand and said, “How about we do it now? Everyone is distracted”, I bit my lip and smiled, she grabbed my hand and turned to see if everyone was watching, we started walking to the other side of the rooftop. As soon as we were out of view, I pulled her into my arms and smirked, “So, where were we?”, she smirked and placed her hands on my neck and pulled me into her lips. I felt like crying because for the first time in a long time, I was home.

Taglist @tinydestinybear @i-got-the-cinema @beachwoodcaferryy @msolbesg @clarawolf22 @harrysficreblog @infinitely-yellow @cherrylovesblog @wherethehellhaveyoubeenharry @harryspirate @kaitieskidmore1 @michellekstyles @qualitygiantshoepsychic @irelilien @futuristicpalacegardenpsychic @shawnsblue @behindmygreyeyes @sunshinemoonsposts @dirtytissuebox @little-freak-satellite @tinydeskwriter @be-with-me-so-happily @watercolorskyy @goldenlouvr @jgoff717 @giveyourheartabreak-xx

[swtki]

HP Boys: Surprise Pregnancy Head Cannons

Summary: The HP boys and their reaction to their s/o (afab) being pregnant when its not planned.

A/N: This takes place post Hogwarts so all characters are 18+, though no real smut happens in this so its not an 18+ fic.

WARNINGS: UNPLANNED PREGNANCY, MENTIONS OF PRO CHOICE OPINIONS, MENTIONS OF SEX IN LITE TERMS, SWEARING, FLUFF, MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL, ALSO THIS IS SUPER LONG SORRY LOL

Draco

So everything is going great for the happy couple, you two just moved into a flat together and are working normal jobs, drinking wine like adults.

And sure, Draco knows he wants to marry you, but he knows you’re not ready to settle down like that so he just plans and dreams.

Due to poor choices, when you’re late by two weeks, you know what it probably is.

Draco doesn’t even notice that you ran out to the store and came back and hid in the bathroom for 10 minutes. CEO of minding his own business ig

You just kinda...walk up to him and hand him all 3 tests while your eyes fill with tears because what if he demands you get an abortion?

Or what if he fucks off to god knows where?

But instead he just looks at you with the most un-draco like smile. Like his face was soft and it looked like he could cry any moment.

“Oh my god,” He says, putting his hand on your belly, “I can be ready for this, but if you aren’t then we can you know...”

“No, I want it” then both of you rejoice bc yay baby!

Cut to 6 months later when your feet hurt so bad you have to lay down and watch while Draco fails to put a crib together.

He eventually gets it done tho.

And when the time comes, he’s built and arranged everything for your bundle of joy.

Harry

So you guys are probably already married, but with everything at the ministry going on, it makes Harry less than a family man.

You both agree that it’s probably better to wait so you can be home and yk...raise it.

Well smart man Harry forgets that to not have a kid you need to use protection.

So of course when your period is late you don’t think about it, until its four weeks late.

That night, you and Harry are laying in bed, and thats when you tell him.

“Harry..I’m late.”

“Late for what?” headass.

You: 😳😐

Him: 👁👁😲😲

He’s hesitant to say anything, because he knows its ultimitley up to you what happens with it until its out.

“I think I want to keep it...you know it wont remember much for the first year and a half so if things are stressful it will be okay and-“

“Love...Its going to be perfect”

Mf built the crib in like 45 minutes I swear.

And of course he forced you to keep up with your vitamins, pre natal care, and appointments.

Swear tho you’re about to kill him because cofFeE

But the way he holds your baby 🥺 its his most valued thing ever now.

Ron

Ron is iffy on the kid thing sometimes.

He does want them, but only later when you guys have lived and travled.

So no, you two haven’t planned nor is it even in the picture when your wedding roles around.

It’s in the early days of the marriage when you see his family at the burrow on the way back from the honeymoon.

And of course Molly knows

Because Weasleys are hyperfertile I swear.

She takes you into the kitchen and puts her hands on your arms, shes got that big Mrs.Weasley smile on too.

“I knew it!” She says and pulls you in for a hug, “How far dear??”

You’re just standing there like🧍🏻

“I can see it by the way you glow! Oh my you and my Ron must be so happy!” This woman doesn’t notice that you’re confused.

“Wait what? Mrs. Weasley what are you-?” Then you count the days, “Oh. Well I guess I just found out for myself”

Her face falls slightly, but then she tells you can make you a potion that will tell you if you are or not, stan.

The stupid potion turns green when you spit into it, so everything is confirmed.

That night, you and Ron are getting ready for bed in the guest room and you decide to tell him.

“Ron, sweetie. We need to talk.” He looks like he’s gonna start crying but sits next to you on the bed.

“Y/N...I know its scary but please, we just got married I don’t want to divorce quite just yet 🥺🥺”

“Ron I-“ you start smiling, “I’m pregnant you dufus.”

He just freezes, for a while. Not saying anything, he just looks at the wall with his mouth ajar.

So you get up and go to Ginny.

“Gin, I broke him.”

“Ew, I don’t want to know about how you and him”

“No, I told him that I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, yeah that would do it. Just I don’t know... Give him a minute?”

You give him several, getting a glass of water then heading back up to the room.

Ginny was right, he needed a minute.

“I don’t...I wasn’t...you were.?”

“You don’t have to stay, but I think we can do it. Plus, you would disapoint your mom if you left so...”

“Okay...we’ll do it. I’ll be the best damn Father you have ever seen.” He says, talking to your womb.

Well...he’s a father I’ll give him that.

Pro of having a Weasley baby: free crib thats already put together.

Even if it looks like a death trap.

“We’ll put some blankets over it don’t worry”

You know how some Dads hold their parters hand during the delivery? Yeah he got sick and was moral support from the outside.

To be fair, you weren’t screaming in pleasure by any means.

Scary. But beautiful.

He shows the kid to everyone, he might be more in love with the baby than he is with you.

Ron see’s the appeal of having kids now.

Neville

Moving in with your boyfriend is always fun, right up until you guys go at it so much you forget protection more than once.

You think about it, then move on with your day.

Until the doctor calls, then “oh fuck”

Romance Neville bf

“Why aren’t you having any wine? I thought it was your favorite?”

“I don’t think fetal alcohol syndrome is my favorite.” BRO HE SPAT

But he looks up with tears in his eyes, and runs over to you to grasp you in a hug.

“Oh my god! You’re pregnant! Oh my - We’re gonna be parents!! Oh my god we’re gonna be parents oh-“ Que you petting his hair till he’s calm again.

Lets be honest, this man probably swapped the herbology books for the parenting guides.

“Well I mean I’m just wondering if we should go with this color or this one”

“Nev, it doesn’t matter. Our baby will not care.”

“I read in my book that Infants actually can recognize mood in-“

He won’t let you do anything during your pregnancy.

Gotta love a man who cries because he loves you so much and you’re having his kid.

“I never had a father, what if I do it wrong? What if the baby hates me and runs away at seven?”

“We’ve got quite a lot of time before then.”

He was there during delivery, letting you crush his hand like a champ.

You can’t help but cry when you see him sleeping on the floor next to the crib, its so sweet.

Fred

You two most likely already had two kids, so you decided to wait a bit so your hands weren’t quite full.

Well...your body decided not to wait.

A test provides the two lines, another wild child.

The two toddlers already run around like thing one and thing two, only with red hair.

I think Fred would gladly make the family dinner, and wear an apron. He’d own it, as he should.

But mf gotta not drop the salad bowl when you tell him of the fetus inside you.

“Fred we are going to have a bee-ay-bee-why.”

Your five year old has just begun to spell 😐

He’s happy tho.

Like over the fuckin moon.

He buys the two kids big brother/sister shirts too 🥺🥺

He knows the drill pretty well, so he isn’t too worried about the future.

But its funny that he still freaks out about the crib and feeding chair since he gave it away, you know because you guys werent having another kid.

He packed a hospital bag and kept it in the trunk, counting down the days.

Hours of delivery (He just sat back and held your hand) only to end up with a room full of 7 Weasley family members.

Fred always said that 3 was his lucky number :)

George

You guys were taking it slow, no marriage until you both felt it was time. And certainly no children before that.

Well you know...things changed when the test was positive.

You slid it over on the table, tears pooling in your eyes. He was stunned and quiet, which made you burst out sobbing because you knew that neither of you planned on having a baby.

But to your surprise he starts to smile.

“I want whatever you want, I’m staying by your side no matter what.”

“I mean...would it really be so bad? A house, a kid, a dog?” He holds your hand as you think aloud.

You both give it a week to think it over and the virdict is to keep it.

Thats when he decides he has to marry you, asap because he loves you and will never let you go especially now.

He loves to gush about the carrier of his child, to him you are a godess.

He’s the Dad with a predestination complex.

“Y/N, I just see him being a star quiditch player”

“George, we don’t know if it’s a him.”

He rolls his eyes “Okay then I can see her being a star-“

He made Hermione take you out for a movie date so he could rearrange your bedroom, since you only had a single bedroom flat.

You come back to a new set up including a cot.

Damn pregnancy hormones make brain go 🥺😭😭

He freaks when your water breaks lol

ceo of driving like a maniac to the hospital.

He can’t hold your hand, he’s pacing back and forth, sweating and maybe crying though he’ll never admit to it.

You get the joy of watching him cuddle the baby while refusing to give your child to you.

“George I’d like to hold-“

“No, you need your sleep honey, don’t worry”

Hogging the child.

Cedric

Its no secret that Cedric wants a baby someday.

And he makes it clear your wedding will be spectacular too.

However, finding out you’re pregnant the week of your dream wedding was a shock.

A shock that made you bang your head into the wall because how could you be so stupid?? We had a plan??

So you decide to wait until after the wedding, that way it wont add onto the stress (happy stress) of the wedding.

Cedric keeps trying to fill your glass at the reception, to which you kindly refuse saying you want to remember the night entirely.

Yeah he’s like 🤨 mhm okay.

You can only pick at the dinner because ew salmon doesn’t sound like an option if you want to keep the contents of your stomach.

As everyone waves goodbye to the car, and you both set off into married life, he leans over.

“I may be out of my mind, but are you...?”

“Pregnant.” His face lights up, pulling you into a hug.

Finally, your car pulls up to a small cottage with lush garden scapes all around, putting a hand out, he walks you both from the car to the door.

“Ced, where are we?”

“Home.”

Somehow it was perfect with Cedric, even when it was rushed.

He loved talking to your womb, even if it was weird that he was talking about the babies future brothers and sisters.

“Cedric, slow down. We haven’t even had this one yet”

Basically he is father of the year before he’s a full father.

He’s there while you deliver, holding your hand and telling you how great you’re doing.

He doesn’t even complain when you insult him <3.

He updates you on everything.

If his eyes aren’t on that child, he’s either asleep or dead.

I think Cedric was meant to be a family man, because he loves everything about being one.

Taglist: @truly-insatiable @amourtentiaa @imdoingathingmom @annasdani @anchoeritic @mullthingsoverinthehotwater @cedricsyellowscarf @faeinorbit

[spinningintheshadows]

Wedding Bells (1)

warnings & stuff: This is part three of the "Going on Vacation with JJ" no smut this time, but it does talk about if JJ succeeded in his mission to get your pregnant. Also, gave Luke Maybank and redemption arc for once, just don't expect it to happen again. Here's 1.05k of just cute and maybe a little angst idk

It seemed impossible that your trip to Bora Bora was two years ago.

Of course you’d went with your best friend, and left with the love of your life.

Admittedly you guys were a bit much when it came to public displays of affection.

The other Pogues would dramatically fake gag every time he kissed you goodbye only for you both to playfully flip them off as you pulled away.

And when you discovered that the afternoon everything came to a head in Bora Bora had indeed resulted in two pink lines on an overpriced piece of plastic?

The group swore you got even more gross.

When you told your mom that you were pregnant, she worried for a week.

“JJ are you prepared to raise another mans child?”

“Mom why would he have to do that? It’s his baby.”

“What?”

“Well some things happened on our trip.”

“Oh thank god. I thought you two would never realize your feelings for each other”

JJ was obsessed with you while you were pregnant.

His love language was physical touch and it showed even more as you grew more pregnant.

You’d frequently wake up to him pressing his lips against your belly and talking to your child.

His hands never seemed to leave your belly either.

When your son would get worked up, he’d make himself comfortable next to you and rub your belly in an attempt to settle him.

“Buddy, I know it’s getting cramped in there but Mama needs to breathe too, you know.”

“I don’t think he’s listening to you J.”

“He’s already stubborn like his Mama.”

When you got closer to your due date and it would happen, JJ was prone to use the name you guys had settled on.

“Riker Dean, I know you are a stubborn little guy in there, but Mama and Daddy would like one more good night of sleep before you decide to come.”

“I haven’t had a good nights sleep in over a month.”

“Because my son is playing soccer on your organs.”

“Our son.”

“Our son”

When little Riker Dean Maybank did finally arrive after nearly 32 hours of labor and a full week after his due date, it was love at first sight.

The first time JJ held him he had to sit down because he was sobbing.

“Oh my god, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me besides your Mama of course.”

“I can’t believe we made him.”

“I would willing go to Bora Bora again if it meant I could relive this moment.”

You were sitting in that hospital bed nursing your son when JJ dropped the big question.

“Y/N, do you think we should get married?”

“Am I dreaming because it sounds like John James Maybank, king of “I don’t think marriage is for me”, just asked me to marry him.”

“You know you’ve always been my only exception, pretty girl. I would have married you in that little Villa if you'd have said yes.”

“Of course I will marry you J.”

“We’ll do it when he’s older of course, so he can be a part of it.”

So here you were, a little over a year later, trying to get your 14 month old son to put his shoes on.

Riker, ever like his father, had started walking at 10 months old, almost skipping the crawling phase all together.

You sighed, reaching out to grab his tiny arm as he toddled past you, his sandy blonde curls starting to hang in his eyes.

“Shoe time, Ri”

“Nooo!”

“You gotta put your shoes on if you wanna see Daddy, buddy. We can’t go to Daddy’s job if you don’t put your shoes on.”

You knew that as soon as you dropped him off at the mechanics shop, the thoughts of shoes would be gone and he’d be playing with whatever wrench JJ gave him.

You were thankful that his boss let him bring Riker to work with him when you had appointments and your mom couldn’t watch him.

What really surprised you was Luke Maybank.

You’d known that when he got out of jail, five years ago, JJ had told him he’d help him get back on his feet with rules and conditions.

JJ was firm on the no more drinking, no more drugs, and his dad had to go to anger management as well as therapy.

He helped him get a job that he’d kept the last five years.

He even checked in with JJ every day, to keep his promise.

Now, he was a completely different person, but you knew JJ was still coming to terms with trauma that he had from his childhood, which is why he threw himself into being the best dad that he could for Riker.

After your dad had passed away while you were pregnant, you were secretly grateful that Luke had kept his promise.

If only because he got to be a loving grandfather with his thoughts not clouded by drugs and alcohol.

As soon as you had Riker’s sweatshirt and shoes on, you loaded him up in the car.

You were almost grateful that he fell asleep during the 10 minute drive to JJ’s job.

You pulled up and JJ was waiting on you with the keys to his suv, since you were going off island with the girls to find your wedding dress.

“Hey, Pretty girl.”

“He’s asleep.”

“Of course he is. Daddy gets off work early and he needs a nap for our adventures this afternoon.”

“Do not harm our child in any way.”

“I could never. I’ve got his lifejacket and sunscreen and the guys are going with us. He likes when JB makes the boat go fast.”

“Heathens, all of you. Kiss me before I go?”

He pulls you in closer to him to kiss you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

Nearly two years together and he still treats you like he’s kissing you for the first time.

“Oi, Maybank! You’re supposed to be collecting your kid, not making out with your girl.”

His boss is standing in the door to the garage staring at you.

“I gotta go, anyway, I love you”

“I love you more, pretty girl. Can’t wait to call you my wife in six months”

[crackheadgeminibby]

mistakes were made

pairing: chris evans x black!reader

warnings: language, age gap, angst, mentions of sex TW body insecurities and talk of weight gain

word count: 2.9k

i do not consent to my work being copied in any way, shape or form or reposted on any other platform

picture credit: screengrab from "Captain America Dinner Party" on youtube

You finish getting dressed and pick up everything you need to go for a run. As you’re walking down the last steps, you see that Chris is sitting on the couch, working on something on his computer. You come up behind him and softly kiss his temple before saying,

“Hey baby. I just put Emma to sleep and I’m gonna go for a run. Can you just pay attention and make sure she doesn’t wake up, please?”

Chris absentmindedly nods and mutters a “be careful”. You faintly smile and roll your eyes at his unwavering concentration but make sure to turn the volume of the baby monitor all the way up before leaving.

You go out through the garage and smile up at the sky, feeling the heat of the sun warming up your face.

You start to run the route you used to before getting pregnant with your baby girl. Last Sunday, it had been five months since your bundle of joy had been born. As much as you utterly adored her and the experience of carrying your own child, you had not appreciated the effect that the pregnancy had on your body.

On the contrary, most mothers-to-be were described as glowing and full of new energy but while you were pregnant, you always felt like you were about to get a cold and you had put on so much weight that you could barely recognize yourself. You had thought that it was only the pregnancy hormones changing your body that way as you were still very young, but today, five months after giving birth, your body had stayed the same and that certainly was not helping your confidence.

You weren’t sure if Chris had noticed your insecurities that manifested themselves by you eating almost the same meager meals every day and pushing away all sorts of sexual interactions with him. Since he had never mentioned anything or ever seemed frustrated with you, you thought he simply didn’t notice it or just didn't mind it.

Lost in your thoughts, you’re back home before you know it. As you’re entering the garage, you faintly hear Chris’ voice travel through the house all the way to you. Slightly confused, you assume that he must have forgotten to tell you he had an appointment or something, so you make sure to be as silent as possible to not disturb him.

“Bro, I know, it’s fucking crazy. I actually have my own child now.”

You smile softly at his excitement. You’re downing a bottle of water you took from the fridge when your ears perk up at your name coming out of Chris’ mouth.

“Oh, Y/N? Yeah, you know, she’s fine, she's good.”

Tilting your head slightly, you try to understand the sudden shift in Chris’ mood: even from two rooms away, you could feel his energy change.

“No, it’s fine, it’s just that she’s been kind of weird since the baby.”

You frown at hearing Chris say that. He never mentioned anything to you so why the hell was he talking about it with whoever was on the other end of the phone?

“No but like bro, look, it’s like this. I’ll be out all day doing whatever, and then when I come home, she’s all over me, being super clingy and all. Like, she will literally not let me go anywhere. But then, whenever I try to ease the mood into, you know, something more sexual, she just shuts down and says that Emma needs some food or something and she leaves. Then, when she comes back, she’s practically running from me like I have the fucking plague or something!”

As Chris is listening to what the person on the phone is responding, you start to feel a knot in your throat and you know that if you don’t do anything soon, you’re going to be full-on sobbing. As you’re working on your breathing and a plan, you hear Chris say,

“Dude, I literally thought the same thing. I swear. But, when we went for her check-up a little after she gave birth, the doctor said we couldn’t have sex for 6 weeks. It’s been like 20 weeks now!”

Unable to contain your emotions any longer, you leave your water bottle on the counter and run back to the garage, as silently as you can. Once in the safety of the garage, tears stream down your face as you let out a sob that brings you to your knees. You let yourself cry for what feels like forever, but you know it must not have been more than 5 minutes.

When you start to calm down, you focus on finding a plan to make sure Chris didn’t know that you were eavesdropping on his phone conversation. You take deep breaths before wiping your face and fixing your appearance as best as you can while using the rear-view mirror of your car.

Once you’re certain that you can’t do anything more, you take a final breath before opening the door and slamming it loud enough for Chris to hear that you’re in the house. As you’re approaching the living room, and thus, the staircase leading to your room, you faintly hear Chris say, “Yeah, man. I’ll talk to you later.”

You pass behind him while keeping your head held high and not giving him a single glance. As you start to climb up the stairs, you see that Chris is turning towards you.

“Hey baby, I didn’t hear you come back. How was your run?”

You take a deep breath before answering as calmly as you can, “Fine. I’m going to take a shower.”

Chris hesitates for a second before responding, “Um, okay, I’ll start dinner then.”

You don’t answer and run up the last couple of stairs as you feel your resolve crumbling. You hurriedly take some random clothes and a towel before locking yourself in the en suite bathroom. As soon as the door is closed, you put your hand over your mouth as a cry escapes you again. You put your clothes and towel on the counter before sitting in front of your bathtub. You don’t know how long you stay there, stifling your cries, but you suddenly hear the doorknob jiggling before a loud knock resonates through the bathroom.

“Y/N? You okay in there? I heard some weird noises.”

You clear your throat as softly as you can before answering, “I’m fine, I just stubbed my toe.” You cringe as your voice breaks halfway through your sentence.

The doorknob jiggles again before you hear, “Are you sure? And why is the door locked? You never lock it.”

“Uh... I'm on my period.”

You roll your eyes at your dumb and illogical excuse but it was going to have to do for now.

Before Chris can say anything else, you start the shower, rapidly take your clothes off and step inside. Both Chris and you knew that when the shower water was on, it was almost impossible to hear anything else in the bathroom.

You spend at least an hour under the scalding water, and you finally get out as you see a glimpse of the time on the bathroom clock: 6:45pm. It was time to start getting Emma ready for bed and you knew that she rarely slept through the night if you weren't the one to put her to bed. Knowing that this meant that nobody in the house would really get any sleep, you reluctantly turn off the shower water and get out of the shower.

As you’re toweling off, you can faintly hear music coming from outside of the bathroom. You put on the clothes you had taken from your room and put them on.

How ironic. You were wearing the same shirt from the first time Chris had told you he loved you. You smile bitterly as you look at the shirt in the mirror and pick up the rest of your things before getting out of the bathroom.

You walk into your shared bedroom with Chris and immediately recognize “Wicked Games” by The Weeknd. You roll your eyes as you remember the time you had told Chris that, for whatever reason, The Weeknd’s 2010s phase could always get you in the mood. You take your time doing your skincare routine before taking care of your workout clothes.

After finishing in your bedroom, you close the door and head to Emma’s room to get her ready for bed. However, you frown confusedly as you see that everything in Emma’s room is clean and organized. Emma is clearly changed, dressed in her nighttime pyjamas, tucked in and soundly asleep while Dodger is snoring in front of her crib. You smile softly. Even before Emma was born, Dodger was extremely protective of her and when she was born, he was practically attached to her hip. Wherever Emma was, Dodger was also there.

You’re watching Emma and Dodger sleep, a seemingly permanent smile on your face when you suddenly feel a hand on your shoulder. You turn around rapidly and slightly jerk away from Chris when he attempts to put a hand on your arm. He frowns slightly before saying,

“I got Emma ready for bed and dinner’s ready downstairs.”

You sigh and walk around Chris before making your way downstairs as you hear his soft footsteps behind you. When you turn the corner to enter the living room, your breath slightly hitches as you see that Chris has set a candlelit dinner table. Chris softly sets his hands on your shoulders and starts to gently massage them as he says,

“I made spaghetti with chicken parm, your favorite. And extra cheese, just how you like it.”

As your resolve starts to crumble, Chris’ words from earlier in the day echo in your mind. The memory makes you instantly tense up and you let out a shaky breath while trying to control your emotions. To take the focus off of you, you sit down and start to serve Chris and yourself some water. You hear Chris sigh loudly before he sits down in front of you. He serves you a hearty serving of pasta with a whole chicken breast before serving himself. Chris looks at you, clearly hesitating to say anything for a couple of seconds while you’re poking at your food before saying,

“So, I thought you would like the chicken parm tonight since you seemed kind of down after your run.”

You let go of your fork, which loudly hits your plate, and put your head in your hands before you say, “Oh my God, Chris, I can’t fucking do this.”

“Woah, Y/N, you can't do what? What's wrong?”, Chris asks, shocked.

“What’s wrong, Christopher, is that I heard you on the phone this afternoon. Talking about how I’m supposedly clingy and never want to have sex with you anymore.”

Chris visibly tenses up as he hears your statement and stammers trying to find an excuse to justify his behavior.

“Wait, I… I can explain.”

You hold your hand up, signifying to Chris that you’re not done.

“First of all, you have absolutely no right to talk to anybody about our sex life without at least asking me first, which you know I would absolutely not agree with. Second of all, you should know by now that if you have any problems with me, you come to me. You don’t go talking to some random person about it behind my back.”

You angrily get up from the table and narrow your eyes at Chris as you continue.

“And third, not that you deserve any justification whatsoever for me not wanting to have sex with you, but I gained weight, Chris. Way too much weight. I find myself fat and gross and I didn’t want you to see my body and think the exact same things I think every single time I see myself in the mirror.”

You sniffle as you realize that you had been crying.

“And you can help yourself to the couch tonight.”

You walk up the stairs and, mindful to not wake Emma up, you softly close your bedroom door. You immediately snuggle into the covers while soft sobs rake through your body. You’re not sure how long you lay there crying but you eventually fall asleep from exhaustion.

You groggily wake up a couple of hours later while the sun is starting to rise as you hear Emma’s cries on the baby monitor. You rub your eyes as you get out of the bed and head over to her room. You take Emma out of her crib and immediately identify that her diaper is full. You feel your headache from crying developing further as you’re changing Emma.

When you’re finished, you take Emma in your arms and bounce her up and down while softly humming to help her fall back asleep with Dodger dutifully following you.

You head downstairs in search of painkillers for your headache while continuing to hum to Emma. While passing through the living room, you can see Chris’ head resting on the couch armrest. As Dodger spots him, he heads over to him and whines softly before setting himself at the end of the couch, prepared to fall back asleep.

You chuckle slightly before downing the painkillers and heading back up to Emma’s room, ready to put her back in bed. You set her down and tuck her in before exhaling softly and heading back to your bedroom.

Your headache and the painkillers had effectively made you exhausted again as you fall asleep almost as soon as your head hits the pillow.

When you finally wake up for the day, you groan at the faint traces of your headache still present. You look over at your nightstand and see that it’s now 7:30am. You roll your eyes at this. You had barely slept an additional hour.

Figures. You never really slept that well when Chris wasn't in bed with you.

As your senses start to really awaken, you smell some coffee and hear the shower running for a couple of seconds after which, it stops.

Before you know it, Chris walks out of the bathroom, body steaming, with a towel loosely wrapped around his waist. He suddenly stops in his tracks as he realizes you’re awake.

God… Even when he pissed you off, he was still hot as fuck.

He lightly clears his throat before saying, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just wanted to take a shower after my workout.”

You gently shake your head before responding with a raspy voice, “You didn’t wake me, it’s fine.”

Chris nods his head once before tightly smiling. You can feel the tension in the room as Chris stands in front of the bathroom door and looks anywhere but at you. After a couple of seconds, he softly sniffles and croaks, “Y/N, I’m so sorry.”

You sit up in the bed and lean on the headboard as you frown softly. Chris makes his way to you and softly sits on his side of the bed with his head hung. You can see from the various expressions that are passing on his face that he’s trying to find the words to talk to you

“I didn’t really sleep last night because I kept thinking about what you said. And I realized how much of an asshole I was.” He balls up his fists as he shakes his head and continues, “I never should have talked about any of those things with Matt and I’m so sorry that I did. I’m also sorry that I never came to talk to you, like a grown man, and instead just talked about you behind your back.”

Chris hesitantly reaches for your hands and takes them into his when he sees that you’re not negatively reacting to him while tears are dropping on the covers.

“Above all, I’m especially sorry that I ever made you feel like I wasn’t there for you and like you couldn’t come to me. I really didn’t know how you felt about yourself and it breaks my heart that I let you go through this alone when I should have been there to support you after Emma was born."

He shrugs gently before finishing with, "And for what it’s worth, I think you’re as beautiful now as you were while you were pregnant and before you got pregnant.”

Chris looks up at you with red eyes as he waits for you to say something. You open and close your mouth multiple times as you’re trying to find the right words to respond to him.

You finally settle on, “I don’t know that I can forgive you right now, Chris. What you did really hurt me. Like a lot.”

Chris’ head slightly hangs down before you finish with, “However, I don’t think it would be beneficial to our family for us to be apart right now.”

As soon as he hears this, Chris’ head snaps up, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

“I’m gonna need space and time to work through this but I believe that our relationship is stronger than this.”

Chris nods excitedly and bites his bottom lip before asking, “Is it okay if I hug you?”

You lightly nod your head and chuckle slightly as Chris practically throws himself at you. He rests his head in the crook of your neck before whispering “I love you so much, Y/N.”

Without hesitation, you whisper back, “I love you too, Chris.”

If there was something that you knew would never change is that you loved Chris, forever and always.

[aperrywilliams]

All for My Girls (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

(Not my gif!)

Masterlist

———————

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader.

Summary: Spencer missed calls and texts from his wife. Something important happened and he needs to rush to the hospital.

Word Count: 1494.

Warnings: None. Just a short self-indulgent fluff fic.

A/N: Spencer Reid as a father. It’s all we need.

——————–

Spencer was dozing off in that uncomfortable plastic chair in the middle of a hospital's waiting room. It was 3 in the morning. His eyelids are heavy from exhaustion. When he arrived home that night, her wife wasn't there. Weird. She hadn't told him about going out.

He thought a little in case he forgot something. But he never forgets anything, even less if it was something related to her. Spencer never forgot a birthday, an anniversary, a particular date, an appointment in all the years they were married. Nothing. What did he miss now?

When he pulled his phone from his jacket, he noticed that it was off. He didn't see it before. That made sense to him. Maybe his wife called him, and he didn't answer because his phone was dead. Oh, God! What if something terrible happened?

Spencer rushed to the nightstand where the charger was and plugged his phone on it. It took longer than five minutes for his phone to return to life.

He unlocked the screen and saw a lot of messages and missed calls from his wife.

"Spencer Reid, grab your ass and come to the hospital right now! It's time!" it read in the last message. Spencer put on his coat again and rushed to the hospital. How he could be so negligent! He knew the baby would come any time, and he wasn't prepared? 'It's a shame, Spencer!' He scolded himself.

Spencer arrived at the hospital past 10 pm. When he made it to the waiting room, he saw Morgan and Savannah waiting.

"Hey, guys!" Spencer greeted, gasping for the long run he made from the entrance.

"Pretty Boy! Where have you been?" Morgan asked. "(Y/N) texted us, and I tried to call you. You never answered! What happened man? We were worried," Derek questioned. Spencer shook his head, catching his breath. Clearly, his physical condition was not optimal for that run.

"I - I'm sorry. My phone gone dead. Where - where is she?" the genius doctor inquired.

"She is in the delivery room right now. She is in labor," Savannah replied.

"What? Damn it! I came too late! I couldn't even see her!" Spencer complained.

"We almost didn't. When we got here, (Y/N) was just entering the room with the doctors and nurses. But she was okay, man. We have to wait now, you can’t get in," Morgan stated.

Spencer started pacing the waiting room... waiting. Reid felt sad that he hadn't seen the calls and messages on his phone before. Perhaps he could have arrived in time to see the birth of their little girl. He was anxiously now, waiting next to Morgan and Savannah.

The clock marked 11 pm, midnight, 1 am... and there was still no news. Spencer knew it could be a long time to wait, but he secretly hoped that their little girl wouldn't put up much resistance to get out. Although he didn't blame her, what could be more secure and calm than her mother's womb?

Spencer recalled all the times he dreamed of having a baby. He remembered the times when with (Y/N) talked that he wanted a girl. A little girl to teach her, spoil her, and love her. He dreamed with a little girl as a (Y/N)'s carbon copy. With her eyes, her smile, her personality. He wanted a girl so so much.

When they both were at the doctor's office to know the baby's gender, he was so nervous. Looking at the screen and seeing a tiny bundle moving on made them both cry. And when the doctor said that they were expecting a girl, Spencer almost passed out of pure and utterly emotion.

Spencer was so excited and happy that he did everything he could to make (Y/N) comfortable and supported during her pregnancy. He helped her in everything. Spencer went to all the doctor's appointments. He stayed late at night, helping his wife sleep in a comfortable position. He woke up early to make breakfast. Of course, he read all the books about the pregnancy he could.

In the nights before sleep, Spencer was accustomed to reading a story to his little girl. She started to recognize his voice: every time Spencer talked, the baby moved or kicked. (Y/N) assured him that she would be a daddy's girl. And she was. And she still is. Twenty-six years later, she's his little girl yet.

A commotion brought Spencer out of his thoughts. Hank Morgan appeared in the waiting room with a huge grin that could illuminate all DC.

"It's a healthy little girl!" he yelled. Morgan was the first to hug his son, who now became a father. Spencer looked at him with watering eyes and speechless. The same happened to him when his daughter was born.

After he hugged his mother, Hank moved toward Spencer.

"She is okay. A little tired, but she is okay. And your granddaughter is beautiful and healthy. They are waiting for you," Hank assured Spencer, pointed to the room where his - now two - little girls were.

When Spencer walked into the room, it was like going back 26 years, only this time, a third little person was included in the scene. When his daughter saw him arrive, her eyes lit up. She was holding a small wrapped bundle in her arms. His wife was standing next to the bed, looking at him with a smile on her lips.

"Hi dad!, come over here, I want to introduce you to someone," she said, whispering. Spencer couldn't help but see those beautiful eyes lit up despite the exhaustion after hours of labor. Those eyes his daughter inherited from his wife. He approached slowly and plastered a kiss on his daughter's forehead.

"Hello Pumpkin. I'm so sorry I was late..." Spencer apologized.

"Let's see if you worry about having your phone with enough charge next time," (Y/N) scolded him.

"Mom, don't be rude to Dad. He's already here." Spencer could barely pay attention. Now his eyes were on the little person sleeping in her mother's arms. "Dad, let me introduce you to Amelia Morgan Reid, your granddaughter," she said solemnly.

Because, of course, as Spencer had to learn over the years, children grow and make their lives. Her little girl grew up, fell in love, and made her own family. And with Derek Morgan, his friend for years, they were now joined by their own children. The result of that love now slept peacefully in his daughter's arms.

"Can - Can I hold her?" Spencer asked shyly.

"Sure you can, Dad," she said, handing him the little girl wrapped in a cozy blanket.

When Spencer held his granddaughter in his arms, time stopped for him.

Where did his mind go? To the moment when he held her daughter for the first time. It was a rainy day, and (Y/N)'s water broke at the same BAU. It was Morgan who drove the car to take them to the hospital. Spencer was with (Y/N) the entire time. Encouraging her between each contraction, kissing her temple, and letting her squeeze his hand throughout the process. When the cries of the newborn flooded the room, Spencer swore that at that moment, his life had changed forever. So it was. Holding her daughter for the first time, he promised her always to be for her. Spencer promised to give her all the love in the world and always support her. And Spencer Reid has kept his word.

Now holding his granddaughter, Spencer couldn't help but repeat his vows.

"My little girl. You don't know how happy I am to have you in my arms. You don't know how happy you will make this family. I know that I'll have to share your love and that maybe I won't be your favorite grandfather. I cannot compete with Grandpa Morgan in many things, but I can assure you that I will be there for you when you need me. And the day I leave this world, I will continue to take care of you. Just like I'll continue to take care of your mom and your grandmother," Spencer whispered as Amelia stir and opened her little eyes. A big smile crept on Spencer's face.

"I see you both are already having your first serious conversation," her daughter mused. Spencer turned and walked over to the bed to lay her granddaughter in her mother's arms.

"The same conversation I had with you the day you were born," Spencer replied. "I'm proud of you, Pumpkin," Spencer praised. His daughter smiled.

"Thanks, dad. For everything," she said, snuggling Amelia into her arms again.

"Always. All for my girls," Spencer declared, holding his wife's hand and placing a soft kiss on his daughter's forehead.

And what Spencer Reid said was entirely right. He has given everything. And he will continue doing everything in his power for his wife, daughter, and now for his granddaughter—everything for his family.

———————

I’m tagging some friends around here!: @andiebeaword​ @blameitonthenight21​ @dreatine​ @sierraraeck​ @paulaern​ @calm-and-doctor​ @spencers-dria​ @safertokiss​ @hopefulfangirl24​  @reverdevivre​  @matthewstiles1912​ @goldentournesol​ @psychedellic-phase​ @psychicdonuts​

[youbloodymadgenius]

Ivarello (Modern!Ivar x reader) Chapter 1

Moodboard by @quantumlocked310

Ivarello’s masterpost here

A/N: This is my entry for @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie 500 Followers Fairy Tale Challenge. It's a retelling of Cinderella. Congrats again, darling 💖

A huge thank you to @mrsalwayswrite, who's a great beta reader and an even greater cheerleader 😂

A massive thank you to @quantumlocked310, @vikingstrash and @serasvictoria. Thank you for agreeing to collaborate and for sharing your talent with me. Your moodboards are beyond amazing 🤩

In this story, Sigurd is alive. Ragnar and Aslaug are dead, but Lagertha didn't kill her. I took a lot of liberties with the show, I hope you won't mind.

Unlike the tale, there will be no magic involved. Not everything will be realistic, however. It's a fayritale, after all!

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Summary: Orphaned five years ago, Ivar and his brothers have been living with Lagertha ever since. Now 16 years old, he wants to attend Harald's traditional Midsummer party, but obstacles stand in his way.

Warnings: description of car crash; orphaned kids; Sigurd being Sigurd; OOC characters.

Words: 1806

Additional note: I'm afraid I'll disappoint some of you. No more newspapers... The articles defined the setting of the story. From now on, it'll be a regular fic.

Hope you enjoy it nevertheless 🙂

🛡⚔️🛡

June 2021

Ivar yawns, rubbing his eyes, when he suddenly hears the front door open. The next moment, Ubbe shouts, "Hey baby bro, we're home!"

Slightly confused, Ivar looks at the time on his computer. Stunned, he blinks repeatedly, shakes his head and checks the time again, now looking at his watch. "Guess I lost track of time," he mumbles as he realizes it's really 5:30 pm. He clears his throat. "I'm coming!"

Yawning once more, he wheels to the kitchen. Hvitserk waves at him with one hand as Ubbe greets him with a grin and Sigurd... Well, Sigurd ignores him, as usual.

"Hello boys!" Lagertha smiles as she also enters the kitchen. "Did you go to the beach this afternoon?" It's a rethorical question, since sand can be seen on the tanned skin of his brothers, shirtless and wearing only swimming shorts.

When she looks down at him, her smile becomes softer. "Ivar, you seem tired. Did you work all day long?"

He nods, glad that for once she called him by his first name and not by one of those stupid nicknames that she likes but that make his skin crawl.

"Yep," he shrugs without smiling back, "I made good progress. The new version of your website is almost done. It could probably be online by the end of the week."

His stepmom flashes him a beaming smile. "Great, thanks!"

The conversation then moves on to the subject that everyone in Kattegat has been talking about for the last few days: the midsummer party thrown by their neighbor Harald Hårfager. Every June, it is Kattegat's not-to-be-missed event, to which every resident hopes to be invited.

Lagertha is invited every year, yet rarely attends; his brothers wouldn't miss it, not in a million years; Ivar never went.

He listens with half an ear as his brothers prattle on about the upcoming party, while taking a seat at the large, wooden kitchen table on which Lagertha has just put cakes and drinks.

"What are you going to wear?"

"Do you think Marit will attend this year?"

"Hopefully the music will be better than last year."

"Can't be as bad! What was the name of that reggae band?"

For a fleeting moment, Ivar entertains the thought of attending as well. Not that he's dying to, but… Sometimes, he feels a little bit like Cinderella in this house.

Don't get him wrong, it's not that bad.

First, his stepmom is not–

Wait, wait, wait, is Lagertha technically his stepmom? He's not sure. After all, she wasn't when his parents were alive, she was just his father's first wife. Anyway, she may be his guardian now, but he sees her as his stepmom and he honestly doesn’t give a shit if it's a little weird.

Where was he? Oh yes, Cinderella.

So obviously, Lagertha is not a wicked, haughty and abusive stepmom like this Lady Tremaine of the fairytale.

Actually, even if it pisses him off to admit it, she's pretty nice, patient and composed. Does he love her? Let's not exaggerate – he doesn't. She may love him though, which is a little bit uncanny, if he's being honest. He was the favorite son of her nemesis. Shouldn't she hate him? He would, if the situation was reversed.

The truth is, when he was younger, he tried, he really tried to hate her, blaming her for everything and anything. When too much pain prevented him from sleeping, he let his imagination run wild. There, bound to his bed of suffering, he could see Lagertha cutting the brakes on his mother's car, causing her crash, causing her death.

Of course, even then, he knew deep down that Lagertha had not killed his mother; that the story he told himself was just the product of his endless nights of insomnia. But what can he say? He needed this. Because blaming Lagertha rather than admitting that his beloved mother was at fault – by being distracted, or by falling asleep, he'll never know – was easier for the heartbroken boy he was.

Anyway... So yes, Lagertha is definitely not an evil stepmother like Cinderella's.

Also, he doesn't sleep on a sorry garret, on a wretched straw bed either.

Actually, he has a very large room on the main floor, with a king-size memory foam bed, a walk-in – well, a wheel-in for his case – closet and his own, huge bathroom, fully equipped for his special needs.

Sure, the bathroom and the dressing room were already there when his parents were alive; however, the memory foam mattress had been Lagertha's idea.

Anyway... So yes, he can't exactly complain about his sleeping conditions, unlike Cinderella.

And obviously, he's not forced into servitude.

Actually, one might think so, but no, he's not. Sure, sometimes he works for his stepmom, like today. But so do his brothers. When she had taken them in, she was a powerful businesswoman, working twelve to fourteen hours a day. Once she had become their guardian, she had rearranged her working time and learned to delegate; but even so, she had often run out of time. Therefore, it had seemed normal to them – yes, even to him – to help her out, each of them according to their skills and abilities.

So, while Hvitserk almost always does the grocery shopping, while Sigurd vacuums and does the laundry, while Ubbe mows the lawn and trim the bushes, he, Ivar, runs her company's website and sometimes even does the accounting. And since he loves computers and numbers, it's not exactly a problem.

Anyway... So yes, he's not a slave in this house. Unlike Cinderella.

So, yes, to sum it up, he can't really complain and he's by far not Cinderella. And he knows it.

But... Yes, there's a but...

Sometimes, he feels trapped, as poor Cinderella must have felt.

Sometimes he feels like a spectator of a life he doesn't belong to.

Sure, he doesn't have to be homeschooled – but gods, he's glad he is. The reasons for him to be continuously bullied by classmates are endless. The simplest ones being: he is a cripple, an orphan, the son of a dead mob boss, the smartest one in the whole damn school, let alone his class. Take your pick. It's no fun, no fun at all. Being home alone is preferable to that alternative.

Therefore, barely leaving the house except for medical appointments, he has no friends. He doesn't do sports either – obviously – and yeah, he lives a lonely life, filled with video games and Netflix series. And he's okay with that. Well, most of the time.

Sure, his brothers, or at least Ubbe and Hvitserk, always try to include him as much as possible. But the truth is that because of his legs, there are many, many things he just can't do.

And the other truth, the less pleasant one, is that he partially did that to himself. He cut himself off from a world that hurt him, yet he still misses this world sometimes. At times, he blames himself. Because his life, honestly, is hardly what you would call a life, is it? Not when you're sixteen.

That's why sometimes, like now, he feels this longing, almost a need, to live. To really, truly, fully live. And that's why, for a brief moment, lulled by the light chitchat of his brothers, he considers attending Harald's midsummer party.

But he knows better. This life is not for him, never has been, never will be.

And so, shaking his head, he chases the thought away and, placing his hands on his push rims, he's about to leave the kitchen while the incessant babbling of his brothers goes on.

"I can't wait."

"Don't tell me! As every year, the most beautiful girls of Kattegat will be there."

"Remember that burger food truck? Best burgers ever!"

"I've heard Y/N would be attending this year."

"There'll be booze and girls! Sounds like Valh–"

Wait. His mind goes blank.

Fuck.

What? Did he hear right?

As he replays his brother's words in his head, it's like there's an earthquake happening inside of him.

Fuck.

He stops breathing. Blinks, then clamps his eyes shut.

Fuck.

When he finally manages to draw air into his lungs, he swallows loudly before asking in a weird, high-pitched voice, his heart pounding in his chest, "What– What did you say, brother?"

Hvitserk turns his head toward him and shrugs. "I just said there'll be boo–"

"No, not you!" Ivar snaps at his brother, pointing his pointer finger at Ubbe. "You, what did you fucking say?" Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Lagertha frowning – 'no curse words in this house, boys'– and even if he barely contains an eye roll, he still mouths a quick 'sorry' at her before rewording his question, impatience coursing through him. "What did you say, dear brother? Who did you say would attend?"

Stunned, Ubbe looks at him with wide eyes. "Y/N? I said Y/N would come. That's what I heard anyway. She's Harald's niece. She was here once, right? Remember her, baby bro, huh?"

But Ivar is no longer listening, the blood draining from his face. Y/N... Y/N... Fuck. Finally. Fucking finally. After so long... He may see you again. Wow.

I'll go! I'll fucking go!

He barely contains the words, suddenly acutely aware of the deafening silence in the room, his brothers shamelessly staring at him.

With her brows furrowed and her lips turned downward in a slight frown, Lagertha takes two steps forwards before crouching down in front of him. "Are you all right, sweetie? You're a little pale."

He barely hears when Sigurd giggles, "A little pale? He's greener than an alien!"

Lagertha shoots Sigurd a dirty look and then gently cups Ivar's cheek. "Do you know her, Ivar? Do you know Y/N?"

Overwhelmed, self-conscious, freaked out, caught off-guard, he doesn't know how to respond. Should he tell the truth? Should he lie? His brothers will mock him, for sure. What is the point of telling the truth? What good would it do? On the other hand, he could really use some advice. Yeah. Sure. Advice from Sigurd. Just the thought of it is enough to make him sick. Fuck, what is he going to do?

Rushed words are out of his mouth before he can even gather his thoughts. "No. No. I don't. I mean, yes, I think I do but–" He's being pathetic and he hates it. So after a sharp intake of breath, he shakes his head and eventually replies in a flat, calm voice, the white lie rolling off his tongue. "I know her, but I thought Ubbe was talking about someone else. Sorry."

With these words, he hastily leaves the room, his eyes riveted on his knees, his heart still drumming in his chest.

Y/N. Fuck.

🛡⚔️🛡

Ivar's taglist: @waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @pieces-by-me @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood @jadelynlace @grimeundglow @quantumlocked310 @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom

Ivarello's taglist: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog @hashimily @prepare4trouble @supernaturalvikingwhore @funmadnessandbadassvikings

[theladyofdeath]

Life As We Know It {Chapter 8}

Summary: After the sudden deaths of Nesta’s sister and Cassian’s best friend, they gain guardianship of their nephew, Nyx.

Based on Life As We Know It (2010) and a prompt sent in by anonymous for our Nessian fanfic contest. This is a modern au.

Instead of doing a tag list for this story, we have decided to have a set posting schedule. Chapters will be posted weekly on Mondays and Thursdays. Chapters will be posted on both my and Shelby’s blogs! >> @snelbz​

Life As We Know It Masterlist

Shelby’s Masterlist

Tara’s Masterlist

Cassian didn’t have to go into the bar until noon, so until Viviane arrived for her first day at 11:30, it was just him and Nyx.

The sun was out, and Cassian intended to take full advantage of it. Nyx was in his stroller and Cassian was jogging down the side of the Sidra. He’d only had him for the last half hour.

After Cassian’s breakdown last night, Nesta had apparently decided to let Cassian sleep in. Before Nyx could even cry, Nesta had gotten him up, ready, and fed before she left for work that morning.

He was mortified that she’d had to see that, that he’d broken down in front of her like that. But there was so much of Rhys looking at him, all the time and he’d been holding it in for so long. And knowing that he hadn’t been able to figure out what Nyx needed was the final straw last night.

After Nesta had hugged him, he’d finally gotten the strength to pull himself together, and he pulled from her grasp. He’d noticed the dress she wore to go out then, showing just as much skin as that damn towel had, and had made an excuse about being exhausted. He’d shut himself in his room, staring at the ceiling until he fell asleep around two or three in the morning.

He wasn’t surprised she had barely wanted to see him this morning. She probably thought he was an irresponsible mess, probably figured she was better off taking care of Nyx on her own.

And maybe she was.

Nesta had some natural motherly instinct, just like Feyre and Elain had. It was an Archeron trait, Cassian had no doubt.

And although the Archeron sisters certainly hadn’t had a perfect upbringing, the three of them had always had each other.

Cassian couldn’t say the same.

His mom died young.

He’d never had a father.

Or siblings.

Or any other extended family.

He’d just had Rhysand and Azriel, and although fatherhood had come decently easy to both of them, Cassian couldn’t say the same for himself. He was the goofy, unpredictable uncle of the group, he was good in that role.

Not the ideal father figure.

Cassian picked up his speed.

Nyx giggled and threw his hands in the air. 

Regardless of his mood, he couldn’t help but smile down at him.

He loved this kid, and he knew that this kid loved him. He may not be his father, but he would do his damndest to make sure he knew how much he was loved. Every damn day.

*

Cassian had just gotten out of the shower and gotten dressed when he heard the doorbell chime.

Nyx was standing in his playpen, holding onto the padded railing when Cassian rushed to the door, throwing it open.

“Viviane, hey,” he said, opening it wide enough for her to step through. She gave him a polite smile and he shut the door behind her. “Okay, so Nyx is over there, Nesta left a note on the fridge with our cell numbers, the number for her restaurant, my bar, uh, his pediatrician-.”

Viviane laughed quietly and headed for the playpen. “I’ll call you if I need anything, but I’m sure this little dude is going to be an angel.”

She reached down and scooped him up and Nyx did nothing but beam up at her.

“He’s in good hands,” Viviane went on when she saw the worry in Cassian’s eyes.

“I know,” he smiled, although hesitantly. “Nesta will be home at four-thirty.”

“We’re going to have fun,” Viviane promised, and Nyx giggled.

Cassian took that as cue to leave and hurried out the door. It was stressful, leaving him for the first time, alone with someone they had only just met.

He found himself wondering if Rhysand or Feyre would approve.

He prayed they did.

When he got to the bar, Kallias was already there, making sure everything was ready for opening.

“You’re two minutes late, boss,” he teased.

Cassian snorted. “New nanny. Had a hard time leaving.”

Kallias raised a brow. “Hot nanny?” 

Cassian grinned as he came behind the bar. “Just your type, actually.” 

Before the conversation could deepen, Cassian seeing the intrigue in Kal’s eye, he was heading to the store room, grabbing a few bottles to keep within reaching distance when they undoubtedly got a little busy over lunch.

“I like hot nannies,” Kallias hollered. “It would be nice of you to share.”

Cassian snorted, heading back up towards the bar. He didn’t reply, shaking his head as he glanced at his friend, and he set about cutting and readying the garnishes for drinks.

With a dramatic sigh, far louder than it needed to be for Cass to hear him, Kallias began turning on the televisions around the room, two on different sports broadcasts and one on a local music channel.

Maybe he would set Kallias up with Viviane.

Even he had to admit…they’d make a pretty damn cute couple.

*

It was just before 4:30 when Nesta pushed open the front door, prepared to find the house thrown into chaos.

But, it was spotless, Nyx was sleeping, and Viviane was on the couch, reading a book. She looked up at Nesta and smiled.

“You’re home,” she whispered, even though Nyx wasn’t in the room. “He’s been down for about forty-five minutes. We played hard today. I think he’s worn out.”

Nesta blinked, carefully stepping inside and shutting the door behind her. “He was good?”

“Oh, he was great,” Viviane promised, standing up and closing her book with a bookmark placed neatly between it’s pages. “Although, his diaper rash is getting pretty bad. I changed him more often to try and keep him as dry and rash-creamed as possible. But, you may want to keep an eye out. I’ve seen worse, but you still may want to get a prescription from his doctor to help clear it up.”

Nesta hadn’t even noticed that Nyx had had a rash and chastised herself. “Yes. Absolutely, I’ll make him an appointment as soon as I can.”

Viviane smiled again, stopping to grab her purse where it sat by the floor of the couch and dropped her book inside. It was well loved, Nesta could tell, and for a moment, she considered asking what the pretty, young woman was reading.

And then she remembered who she’d been here alone with that morning.

Her eyes popped open. “Oh, gods, I hope Cassian was okay this morning. He’s not…always on his best behavior.”

Viviane brows bunched towards each other, confusion on her face. “I don’t follow?”

“I hope he didn’t say anything too inappropriate,” she rushed out. “He can be a bit much in the mornings, and-.”

“Oh, no, no,” Viviane interrupted, her crystalline eyes going wide. “No, he was an absolute gentleman. On good behavior.” She then added, “And please, don’t mistake my enthusiasm for this job, Nesta, I’m not interested in your husband or anything like-.”

It was Nesta’s turn to interrupt. “Husband?! No, no, Cassian isn’t my husband. Cauldron, no we just have to live together. He’s not even my boyfriend. I can barely stand the guy.”

Viviane hesitated. “Oh, I’m sorry, I just assumed-.”

“It’s alright,” Nesta said, and knew her cheeks were red. “I could see how it would be easy to make that assumption.”

Viviane nodded and rocked back on her heels, uncomfortably. “Right, well...I’ll see you all tomorrow?”

“Absolutely,” Nesta said, trying her best to give a convincing smile.

She knew she was failing.

Convincing smiles weren’t her specialty.

But, husband? As if she would ever marry a man like Cassian. They may have had a moment where they didn’t absolutely loathe each other the night before, but that’s only because he was having a complete mental breakdown.

Nesta may be a bitch, but she wouldn’t kick a man when he’s already down.

Well, at least not in that situation. In a different set of circumstances, perhaps she would. 

Viviane let herself out and Nesta said her goodbyes, and shook her head.

Husband.

Oh, fuck no.

After a quick call to Nyx’s pediatrician, and an appointment made for the following afternoon, Nesta set out to make dinner. Nothing too crazy, just a new recipe she’d been toying with at the restaurant and she needed an unbiased opinion - one from someone whom she didn’t employ - to give her an honest opinion. She knew Cassian would be at the bar until eight-thirty or nine, but the chicken salad would be better chilled anyways.

Or she thought it was. She’d have to ask what he thought about that.

She was halfway through chopping up the roast chicken she’d spiced and marinated all day when the monitor to her left let out a lonely cry. Washing her hands, Nesta was hurrying up the stairs and found Nyx standing in his crib. He immediately reached for her, those blue eyes still drowsy with sleep, but Nesta knew he needed to be changed as soon as she got within sniffing distance. Hopefully he’d be sleepy enough that he wouldn’t fight her on the diaper change.

“What did Cassian feed you for lunch, kiddo?” She asked, scrunching her nose as she unsnapped the onesie he wore, and swapped out his diaper for a clean one.

True to Viviane’s word, Nyx had developed a splotchy, red rash on his bottom. After setting Nyx up in a swing by the door, Nesta took a few minutes to Google what a normal case of diaper rash looked like. Afterwards, she had wiped her search history and was thankful she’d gone ahead and called the pediatrician’s office, especially considering they were now closed until the following morning.

She also had to figure out a way to thank Viviane for her suggestion. Nesta almost felt like she owed the girl an apology for her initial reaction to her, based on her assumptions of Cassian. Not that she had any idea how Nesta had felt, but she still felt bad.

She may know a few things about Cassian Nazari, but she knew nothing about Viviane, not yet. Nesta should really give her the benefit of the doubt.

Even though such a thing was not her specialty.

The second they walked into the kitchen, Nyx was crying and reaching toward the fridge. Nesta put him in his high chair, letting him cry it out as she fixed him supper.

In the meantime, she dumped a pile of strawberry puffs on his tray.

He was immediately stuffing them into his mouth.

“You know, I’ve tasted those and they’re not all that great,” Nesta said, preparing him a small bowl of sweet potatoes.

Nyx looked at her and held up a star-shaped puff. 

She couldn’t help but chuckle. “No, but thank you for the offer.”

Nesta finished her salad and put the rest in the fridge for Cassian to eat once he got home. After taking a seat, and placing her salad and Nyx’s potatoes on the table, she dug in.

It was, obviously, delicious.

Nyx even seemed to be enjoying his sweet potatoes, though, as always more ended up on his high chair’s tray than in his mouth.

“You have an art for making a mess, buddy,” she said, shaking her head as she lifted another spoonful of the sweet potatoes to his mouth.

He took the bite into his mouth, and sprayed most of it back out in a raspberry.

She raised an eyebrow, setting the bowl down in front of her. “You’re just playing at this point, aren’t you?”

To say yes, in fact, he was, Nyx smacked a chubby hand into the mushed up mix of puffs and sweet potato on his tray.

“That means it’s bath time and then bed time,” she mused, wiping as much of him down as she could. She decided to go ahead and ditch his smeared onesie in the laundry room, and carried a diapered Nyx up to the bathroom.

A mostly uneventful bath later, she discovered Viviane must have been telling the truth about playing hard today. Nyx had been asleep before she’d made it through the second page of his favorite book, his pacifier falling out of his full, little lips.

She gently laid him down in the crib, and tiptoed downstairs to flip through bad reality TV until Cassian got home.

She hated how much she had thought about Cassian throughout the day. For once, it wasn’t about his body. Instead, it was about the fact that he had spent five minutes in her arms the night before, sobbing. She wasn’t sure what to think.

Cassian had a rough exterior. 

He was known for his good looks and how many women those looks attracted. Since Nesta met him five years prior, there were only a handful of things she could say about Cassian.

He was beautiful, but that much was obvious.

He knew how to make beautiful instruments, which meant he was good with his hands.

Nesta would be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about just how good he was with those hands.

Lastly, Cassian was cocky as hell. He was hot. He knew he was hot. And he had to convince everyone who didn’t think he was hot that he was hot.

But, one thing that Nesta hadn’t known about Cassian until the night before?

He cared.

He really, really cared.

And he was scared.

She had been willing to put aside their differences for Nyx. They’d come to that agreement when he’d begun to depend on them. But now, she wanted to make things work…for him. He was terrified of letting Rhys down, something she understood. Every time she thought of something she may have done wrong, all she could think about was how disappointed Feyre would be in her.

Except…she knew that wasn’t true. Just like she knew that Rhys would never be disappointed in Cassian. The fact that he’d stepped up, had been willing to care for Rhys and Feyre’s only child…

She just had to make sure Cassian believed it.

Nesta was half asleep on the couch when the door unlocked and opened, Cassian walking through. He blinked once upon seeing her, clearly not having expected her to be downstairs when he got home.

“Hey,” she said, stretching. “How was your day?”

He tossed his keys on the table by the door, looking around, pointedly not looking at her. “It was good. Where’s Nyx?”

“He’s been down since seven-thirty or so, Viviane did great today,” she said, watching him as he walked into the kitchen. “I owe you an apology. You were right, she’s good.”

She heard a grunt of acknowledgment as the fridge opened. He came back into the living room, shaking up a bottled protein shake and cracking it open.

“I made a roasted chicken salad,” she said. “I put leftovers in the fridge for you.” “That’s okay,” he said, voice low. “You can take it to work with you tomorrow. Don’t want to take your food.”

Nesta blinked. “I put it in the fridge for you-.”

“I’m tired,” he said, heading toward the stairs. “Night.”

Nesta’s mouth opened, then shut, then opened again. “I’m sorry, what?”

Cassian stopped at the foot of the stairs and looked over his shoulder. “What?”

I made you dinner. I stayed up to make sure you were alright. “Nothing. Just didn’t realize you were so insistent on being an asshole this evening.”

“An asshole?” he repeated. “I just got home, I’m tired, and now I’m an asshole?” 

Nesta just shook her head, falling back on the couch. “Nevermind. Goodnight.” 

Cassian just stood there, looking half like he wanted to go upstairs and half like he wanted to chuck the half-empty bottle at the back of her head. He’d already had a long, horrible day full of shitty, rude customers. He hadn’t even realized it was nearing Spring Break until the underage kids with shitty, fake ID’s had descended on the bar today. The amount of customers he had to turn away since they were practically children possibly outweighed the actual customers he and Kal had served.

He’d also had Nesta on his mind all day, on the pity she had to feel for him after he lost it the night before. The fact that she made him dinner was just proof of it, that he was right.

“You didn’t need to make me dinner,” he said, staring at the wall behind her head. “I can take care of myself, alright?”

Nesta’s eyes were closed, her arms crossed as she laid back on the couch. “I didn’t say that you couldn’t.”

“Just because I lost it for a minute last night, doesn’t mean that I’m helpless,” Cassian went on. “I’m just as capable of taking care of Nyx, of being a grown ass adult, as you are.”

Nesta’s eyes opened, then, and she slowly looked over to him. “Is that right?”

“Yeah, it is,” he said, simply.

“Really?” Nesta asked. “Because you’re acting like a gods damned child right now.”

Cassian snorted as he shook his head. “I don’t have the patience for you tonight. Goodnight.”

“You’re a real dick, you know that?” Nesta snapped.

“It’s all you think I’m good for, so I guess I may as well act like it, too,” he called out, not turning back to look at her.

The words struck her, made her feel two feet tall, especially considering how she’d begun to regard him instead. But she wasn’t able to stop the bite of her words as she snapped, “Oh, fuck you.”

Cassian didn’t say a word as he topped the stairs and headed down the hall.

She almost wished he’d slammed the door, almost wished he’d made a spectacle of being angry and shutting her out again, after what she’d thought may have been progress the night before. 

It was almost that much worse that his door shut with a soft click.

[zintranslations]

Kaleidoscope of Death, Ch. 132

Kaleidoscope of Death by Xi Zixu Link to Chinese / Novel Updates

Chapter 132: By Day, By Night

After hanging up, Lin Qiushi got out of bed. He went to the living room to check on the door and television, making sure both those things were still the same as they had been during daytime yesterday.

After that, Lin Qiushi left the apartment in a hurry. Halfway out he even got a call from Wu Qi, asking why he wasn't at work.

"There's something I have to do." Lin Qiushi was already in a car and had honestly completely forgotten about going to work. He tried to wheedle: "Ask for time off for me."

Wu Qi, "okay, how long should I ask for?"

Lin Qiushi, "half a year?"

Wu Qi, shocked, "…half a year?? Are you planning on resigning?"

Lin Qiushi glanced at his watch, not thinking of work at all.

"Or yeah, you can just resign for me."

Wu Qi seemed like he had something to say, but whatever words were on the tip of his tongue never made it out—he only sighed: "Fine, I'll get time off for you. If there's something going on you've got to tell me, alright? Don't carry it all on your own."

Lin Qiushi made a noise of agreement, expression still pensive.

The car continued on, and over an hour later, it arrived at where Lin Qiushi wanted to go. Lin Qiushi got off, went upstairs, and knocked on the door—every motion done in a single smooth breath. The truth was, however, that these few simple motions were only possible after extensive emotional preparation done during the car ride.

The door he knocked on opened after a bit, revealing a beautiful middle-age woman—it was Ruan Nanzhu's mother.

Because before they'd entered the door, Ruan Nanzhu had taken Lin Qiushi home. Now Lin Qiushi had a clear memory of where Ruan Nanzhu's old house was. Coming here this time was simply to confirm one thing…

"Hi Auntie," Lin Qiushi greeted politely.

"Hello." The woman watched Lin Qiushi with curiosity and asked, "is there something I can help you with?"

"I wanted to ask, do you know who Ruan Nanzhu is?" Lin Qiushi asked carefully.

"Ruan Nanzhu?" The woman's tone of doubt sent Lin Qiushi's heart sinking, and the question on her face only grew stronger. "Sorry, I don't know who that is."

"Then do you know Ruan Baiye?" Lin Qiushi brought up another name—this was the name of Ruan Nanzhu's older bother.

"Baiye? He's my son…" Mama Ruan said. "He's not home right now, but he'll be back later tonight. Are you looking for him?"

Lin Qiushi, "ma'am you…only have one son?"

Mama Ruan nodded as the way she looked at Lin Qiushi got stranger and stranger. Which was fair. Suddenly coming to her house and asking questions like these, Lin Qiushi didn't seem like a normal person at all.

Lin Qiushi had no idea what else to say either. After bidding Mama Ruan goodbye, he rushed back downstairs and hurried off to another location.

Ruan Nanzhu's existence had been completely wiped. There was nobody in this world named Ruan Nanzhu, not even to his parents, and even Obsidian, the organization that he led, had stopped existing…

This time, Lin Qiushi's destination was Li Dongyuan's White Deer.

When he arrived at White Deer headquarters, Lin Qiushi discovered that the building that once belonged to White Deer was now commercial offices, labeled with the name of XX Bank. Lin Qiushi was standing in the doorway contemplating how to sneak upstairs when he saw a familiar face leave the building. That person was wearing a suit and speaking to someone beside him; judging by appearance alone, he was that baby-faced Li Dongyuan that Lin Qiushi knew.

Seeing this Lin Qiushi hurried forward and called, "Li Dongyuan!"

Li Dongyuan's feet stalled, and he glanced in Lin Qiushi's direction. With eyes both cautious and distant, he asked, "who might you be? If you'd like to discuss something please book an appointment with my secretary first."

"I—" Lin Qiushi said. "Do you know me?"

Lin Qiushi lifted an eyebrow and didn't speak. His expression though, gave Lin Qiushi an answer—he did not know Lin Qiushi, and even thought Lin Qiushi's question odd.

"You don't recognize me?" Lin Qiushi also couldn't quite convey how he was feeling just then.

"Should I recognize you?" Li Dongyuan smiled a smile that wasn't quite a smile as he scanned Lin Qiushi up and down.

Lin Qiushi suddenly recalled something else. He said, "then do you know Zhuang Rujiao?"

Li Dongyuan didn't answer, and still seemed unfamiliar with the name.

"What about Jin Yurui?" Lin Qiushi tried again.

"You know her?" Li Dongyuan's smile, however, faded. "You're one of hers, then?"

Lin Qiushi could finally be sure why some people didn't exist in this world—because they were still alive. If they still survived in the world outside the door, then they did not exist inside this door. Both Li Dongyuan and Jin Yurui were dead, so they had new identities inside this door.

And, those who had died inside the doors aside, the people who were competely unrelated to the doors did not seem affected by this rule at all. They existed both inside this door and outside it, and had nothing to do with living or dying.

"Is there anything else?" Eyeing Lin Qiushi, who was deep in thought, Li Dongyuan lifted his chin with a cold expression. "If there's nothing else why don't you take your leave? This is a place of work."

Lin Qiushi took one last look at him before turning to go.

"Who is that?" the person standing beside Li Dongyuan asked as they watched Lin Qiushi leave.

"I don't know," Li Dongyuan said. "Looks kind of familiar though. Never mind, bring me that data and let me confirm…"

Lin Qiushi left White Deer headquarters and glanced at his watch. It was already twelve noon. An idea surfaced in his mind, and Lin Qiushi got out his phone to book a roundtrip flight for C City the next morning.

There were some matters he wanted to confirm in C City; it was already too late to go today, so he could only hurry there tomorrow morning and try to make it back in one day.

Fact of the matter was, Lin Qiushi didn't want to try spending the night on an airplane. Hell knows how terrifying that would be.

After taking care of lunch at a random spot in town, Lin Qiushi returned home and took a nap. As he thought about what would happen later that evening, Lin Qiushi thought he wouldn't be able to sleep. But in fact he slept quite well, passing out the moment he hit the bed. When he woke it was already five in the afternoon. Chestnut sat by his side, meowing, looking to be hungry again.

Lin Qiushi got up and, after fixing up some food for Chestnut, called some delivery for himself. He ate while watching TV.

He saw the trailer for Tan Zaozao's new movie. From the language of the advertisement, Lin Qiushi figured out that Tan Zaozao had already won the award. The award-winning movie was exactly the same as it had been on the outside, only the director was a different person this time and not Zhang Yiqing.

This world was so very similar to the world that Lin Qiushi lived in, but there was one fundamental difference—Ruan Nanzhu, the person Lin Qiushi most wanted to see, was not here.

Good thing that was so, actually. This door, for a lot of other people, would likely be of insurmountable difficulty. Like Zhuang Rujiao. Or Cheng Yixie for that matter. That was because here, they could once again see their most beloved person…

The night deepened, and Lin Qiushi got everything ready.

Around ten in the evening, it suddenly began to rain outside.

Water came down as if tossed from a ladle, washing clean the earth scorched dry by the sun. Lin Qiushi stood by the window, watching as passersby scampered home along the sidewalks until only streetlamps were left on the empty streets, with only the occasional car passing by.

Chestnut fell asleep sprawled out on the couch. The atmosphere grew quiet. Some senseless program played on TV as a queer sort of silence began to crawl out inside the house.

Lin Qiushi smelled petrichor. He used to be quite a fan of this smell, until he encountered a particular door. After that, this tainted scent of rainwater became something a lot more unpleasant.

The hour hand turned bit by bit, and twelve o'clock was nearly here.

Lin Qiushi sat in the living room, as if a spirit waiting for the death god's verdict. The switch from day to night came, and the clock hanging on the wall finally began to ring: ding dong, ding dong, ding dong…Twelve chimes heralded in another world.

The moment it became twelve, someone was immediately knocking at his door once more. Backpack on, Lin Qiushi came to the door, and through the peephole saw a woman standing on the other side, smiling at him.

He remembered the woman's name. It was the NPC hidden among the crowd in the Sister's Drum door, Xu Jin.

"Hurry up and come out already," Xu Jin told Lin Qiushi. "Come out already, my sister's coming to find you."

Lin Qiushi didn't open the door. He heard a soft noise from the window, however, and when Lin Qiushi turned, he saw a figure pressed against the glass.

It was a person with all her skin stripped off, her body a mess of blood and flesh from head to toe. The bloody face pressed against Lin Qiushi's glass and her mouth split open, showing Lin Qiushi her stark white teeth. It looked like she was trying to open up the locked window, and judging from her motions, she seemed close to succeeding.

Opening the door looked to be the only option right now. Gritting his teeth, Lin Qiushi twisted open the door handle and faced Xu Jin, standing on the outside.

Xu Jin clearly knew what Lin Qiushi was worried about, and began to chuckle.

"How could I bear to hurt you?" A pause, as her gaze lingered on Lin Qiushi's backpack. "My diary is still in your hands. Did you give it a good read yet?"

Lin Qiushi, "…" Why did he feel like he was being teased?

But there wasn't time for him to worry about that, because Xu Jin's sister was about to come in though the window. Xu Jin grabbed Lin Qiushi by the arm and ran. The two made their way down the hall and came to the elevator.

"Go on inside, but watch out," Xu Jin said. "There are other things that want you dead."

Lin Qiushi asked, "what about you?" He recalled that Xu Jin didn't have a very good relationship with her sister.

"Me?" Xu Jin’s eyes curved up in a sudden smile. "How do you know that I don't want you dead?"

As soon as she said this, the skin on her body began to fall off patch by patch. The startled Lin Qiushi rushed into the elevator and pressed a number.

Xu Jin was chuckling again, and though her laugh was bright like silver bells, her terrifying appearance struck a sharp contrast.

Even though she now looked scarier, she didn't seem keen on pursuing Lin Qiushi.

The elevator started. In theory, Lin Qiushi ought to be safe, but that weird sense of danger once again assaulted the top of his head.

Lin Qiushi looked all around him, and when he spotted a certain something hanging in the elevator, goosebumps appeared all over his body. He'd spotted behind him, on what should have been an empty elevator wall, a huge black picture frame. There was nothing inside the frame, but the frame was pointed at exactly where he was standing.

Lin Qiushi reacted swiftly, hitting the button for the floor closest to him. At the exact same time, black water stains began appearing on the white paper inside that frame. First there was only one drop. Then it began spreading on the canvas paper.

He watched as the shape of that stain began to look more and more like a woman. It dispersed across the canvas and, in a short amount of time, managed to coat the entire large canvas.

Luckily it was then that the elevator reached the nearest floor. Lin Qiushi immediately took off, and the moment he cleared the elevator, a pair of pale white hands burst out of that canvas paper, searching around like it was looking for something to grab hold of.

Lin Qiushi was currently on the sixth floor. The moment he was out of the elevator he turned for the emergency exit right next door, bounding quickly down the stairs.

It was dim in the stairwell, with just enough light to see the path beneath his feet. Lin Qiushi ran down two stories before feeling something was off. He took a closer look, and discovered that he'd been turning round and round on floor six.

The stairs seemed to have become a mobius strip—up, down, backward, forward, it all came back to the sixth floor.

Lin Qiushi's feet screeched to a halt. He took in his surroundings, and noticed, on the white stairwell ceilings, little black spots of water appearing. That chilling stench of rain too was spreading through the air.

The thing had found him. Lin Qiushi made an executive decision and left the stairwell, stepping out onto the hallway. But back in the hall, Lin Qiushi discovered that the corridor had underwent a terrifying change: black frames hung on both sides, and inside each frame was a human head with its expression all twisted up. As for the ceramic tile floor, there was now a new carpet, thick and black—the pattern on it looked the same as in a door they'd encountered before.

Lin Qiushi looked up and saw, on the other other end of the hallway, another painting hanging. That painting was a woman in black with a long, sharp hat. Her eyes were half closed, but it felt like she was staring right down the hall and meeting Lin Qiushi's eyes.

Lin Qiushi wanted to leave the hallway, but when he glanced back, he found that the stairwell he had just came from had disappeared. The length of the hallway too seemed to be slowly shortening; Lin Qiushi could sense the painting of the woman getting closer and closer, closer and closer…

At that moment, a drop of water fell onto Lin Qiushi's forehead. Lin Qiushi gave it a wipe, and realized that it was blood. On reflex he looked up—a black hole had appeared above his head without him noticing, and blood was dripping from its edge onto his head. A pair of black eyes glimmered faintly in the dark, and then right after, a pair of pulpy, bloody hands reached out of the hole for Lin Qiushi.

Lin Qiushi's instincts were to back away, but the strange thing was, the hands stopped when they got to him. As if a miracle, he sensed no animosity from this pair of hands.

The hallway was still getting shorter and shorter, as if it were becoming a cage keen on trapping Lin Qiushi inside. With a clench of his teeth, Lin Qiushi reached up and grabbed the fleshy mess of those hands, and then felt a sudden force as he was brought out of that shrinking hallway.

"Aiya, looks like you can't manage without me after all."

The voice belonged to Xu Jin, but from appearance alone, he couldn't tell it was her at all. The skin on her body was completely gone, leaving only scarlet flesh and blood. She was grinning brightly at Lin Qiushi, and the contrast between her smile and appearance was strange, but Lin Qiushi didn't find it scary at all.

"Thank you," Lin Qiushi said to her.

Xu Jin didn't speak. Her gaze instead leaped over Lin Qiushi to look behind him.

Sensing something, Lin Qiushi too twisted around, and spotted on the other end of the darkness a pair of glowing red eyes.

"Meimei, my sister."

The owner of those eyes was also a skinless monster. She didn't have any legs and could only walk on her hands, but that didn't mean she was slow. She glared at Lin Qiushi with vitriol and bared her teeth; like a hyena hunting its prey, the sheer amount of hatred in her eyes was strong enough to materialize.

"Why did you betray me?" she said. "Do you like him that much? Since you like him so much, why don't I keep him here for you?"

Xu Jin tilted her head, and also smiled.

"But Jiejie, even if you did that, I still won't like you."

After that, she told Lin Qiushi to run, and threw herself at her sister. The two monsters clashed and tangled together.

Lin Qiushi got up and sprinted in the direction of the light. By the time he reached its source, he found that he'd already escaped from the apartment building, and was standing in the yard of the residential block.

It was still raining outside. Lin Qiushi pulled an umbrella out of his backpack and slowly pushed it open, stepping out into the curtaining rain.

The rain came down in sluicing torrents, and the streets were completely empty, with only water splashing along the ground. The rain ought to have been noisy; but at a time like this the loudness of the rain only made the world sound more silent in comparison.

"Help me—help me—"

There was a sudden cry for help. A silhouette came stumbling out of the rain, and Lin Qiushi could just make it out: she was a pitiful-looking young woman, staggering through the rain in a long dress. It looked like she was being pursued by something, and when she spotted Lin Qiushi standing not too far away, it was like she'd found an oasis in the middle of a desert—she came running immediately.

"Help, help!! Please, I'm begging you please help me, something wants to kill me…" She fell to the ground, looking up pathetically at Lin Qiushi. "You're also someone going through the doors, right? So am I, this door is so scary—"

Had this been reality, Lin Qiushi would've definitely helped the young woman up by now. But at this stage he wasn't moving, and a light furrow had appeared between his brows. The truth was, he found the person before him a bit familiar—more specifically, everything that appeared at night now was familiar, and he was certain he'd seen this person somewhere before.

"Mister, mister." The woman collapsed in the rain saw Lin Qiushi unmoved, and slowly crawled forward. She wiped at the rainwater on her face and said, shakily, "I know a safe place, and I can bring you there. Do you want to come with me?"

Lin Qiushi said, "do I know you?"

The woman said, "we met once in the door, and you even helped me out." Her lashes lightly trembled, looking vulnerable as anything. "But I didn't deserve that mercy, I still didn't make it."

"We met inside a door?" Lin Qiushi now found the shape of her eyes familiar. "Which door?"

The woman approached Lin Qiushi, saying, "you know, that one."

As Lin Qiushi watched her, he suddenly spoke: "There's something behind you."

The woman halted.

"A giant picture frame," Lin Qiushi said. "She's here."

The woman wheeled around in fright, but when she didn't see anything behind her, she suddenly realized that Lin Qiushi had recognized her. What had been a pitiful expression immediately went cold.

"It's been a while," Lin Qiushi said, "Yang Meishu."

The woman chuckled coolly.

"You still recognized me?"

Lin Qiushi shrugged. "I didn't want to, but I can count the people who wanted me dead on one hand. Since you're not a ghost, you must be somebody who hates me…"

He paused, and quickly announced, "she really is here."

But Yang Meishu didn't believe him. She said, "do you really think I'm that dumb? You've fooled me once already, you think you can do it again? I—"

As she spoke, getting more and more agitated, she felt a sudden breeze behind her. Yang Meishu glanced back, and found the woman in black standing right behind her. The woman's white face was impassive, and in her hands was a black picture frame that she swung right at Yang Meishu.

Yang Meishu knew this was likely it for her, and a terrible scream came out of her mouth. Right after she screamed, she became a portrait in the hands of the woman; soaked from head to toe, her expression bore both fright and a lively, vivid resentment.

Lin Qiushi took the opportunity to run further away. The woman didn't seem intent on chasing after him either, only watched him go with an icy gaze.

The rain came down in torrents, and Lin Qiushi was completely soaked. In such a strong rain, the umbrella was practically useless. As he ran, he fished out his cell phone and sent Ruan Nanzhu a text.

How are things on your end? After some thought, Lin Qiushi added: I'm fine over here, don't worry about me.

After the text was sent, he didn't get a reply for the longest time. It wasn't until Lin Qiushi found a place to hide from the rain that the message notification dinged, displaying four simple words: I'm good, don't worry.

Seeing the message, Lin Qiushi huffed a bitter laugh. Because how could he not know? Had Ruan Nanzhu truly been alright, the text would not have been so short. Ruan Nanzhu had trained his way through so many doors, so god only knew how many malicious NPCs and dead people from the inside he would meet at night. From what Lin Qiushi understood of him, if he had everything under control, he would've definitely sent a message first asking about Lin Qiushi's situation. Now, even his text message was so short. The situation on his end could not be good.

He wanted so badly just to be by his side—Lin Qiushi clenched his phone and thought bitterly. Whatever he had to experience would be fine, as long as he could be by Ruan Nanzhu's side.

[Ch. 131] | [Ch. 133]

[dimitrescus-bitch]

The Distance Between Us (Rachel Green x Reader)

For the life of her, Rachel couldn’t figure out why Monica had told her not to tell you about the pregnancy. You were Rachel’s best friend, maybe even closer than Monica was to her. The only thing that you weren’t really good about was matters of Ross. It was no secret that you weren’t remotely fond of the paleontologist with a penchant for shit marriages and causing Rachel unnecessary grief. So, Rachel disregarded Monica’s warning not to tell you and told you anyways. 

“Hey Y/n,��� Rachel greeted you. She’d shown up at your work, which wasn’t an uncommon thing. “I, uh, want to tell you something.” 

“Go ahead Rach,” you said as you flipped through case files. You’d been working as a divorce lawyer for years, but only after one of your cases when you were working at the DA’s office went south. You’d been recruited into the private sector and given a position where you rarely needed to be seen in court. You had a knack for mediating and getting good settlements. 

“I’m pregnant, and it’s Ross’,” Rachel told you and you dropped your pen onto the floor. “Y/n?” 

“Congratulations Rachel. If you don’t mind, I’m really busy.” Rachel tilted her head as she looked at you. You were good about hiding your actual reactions, so Rachel wasn’t convinced that you were really happy for her. However, she knew you were her friend, so she knew that her first thoughts were stupid. 

“Okay, well, I’ll see you at Monica’s for dinner right?” Rachel asked you. 

“I don’t know. I’ve got a couple more settlements to draft up,” you told her. “I’ll just call Monica if I can’t make it.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“God, I’m an such an asshole,” you whined to Monica at the bar. “I mean, I had nothing to do. I literally slept in my office so that Rachel wouldn’t run into me on my way home.” 

“You’re hurt. You deserve to acknowledge that. Rachel has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, why don’t you come back to your apartment and take a shower. Maybe you can get some sleep in your own bed,” Monica suggested. The two of you stayed at the bar for a couple more hours before Monica went home and you just wandered around the city. 

The idea of going back to your apartment was still in your head. You had no clue what time it was whenever you’d started to stumble home, but you paused when you saw Rachel and Ross standing in the hallway. All you had to do was walk past them, which was an easy enough task. You tried walking fast, hoping that they wouldn’t notice you. It seemed unlikely because they were seemingly engrossed in each other. 

“Y/n, wait!” Rachel called out after you, but you shut your apartment door behind yourself and locked it. You heard Rachel knocking on your door for the next five minutes or so before Monica and Ross brought her inside. 

“Fuck,” you swore as tears started to pool in the corner of your eyes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

After that night, it became monumentally easier to avoid Rachel. Still, being in that apartment building was difficult, knowing that you lived so close to her. So, you found a place not too far from your office building. You’d almost made it out of the building without any of your friends noticing that you were gone. Not only had you distanced yourself from Rachel over the next couple of months, but you’d distanced yourself from everyone else except for Monica. 

“Alright, stop this,” Joey said as he put his hand in front of you. You were blocked in and when you turned around, Monica and Phoebe were blocking the other direction. “Where are you going?” 

“My new apartment. It was closer to my office than this place,” you explained to him. “Can you please move? I really do want to catch my cab before it leaves.” 

“Where have you been?” Chandler asked as he stepped behind Joey. “We’ve all missed you.” 

“Rachel is a mess,” Monica told you and you turned around to face her. 

“Don’t you think I am to? You don’t think it kills me not being able to see or call her because I’m so scared that she’ll tell me that she’s in love with Ross again? I’ve been a fucking mess since I met her, and I guess I finally figured out how bad it can get before there’s no going back!” you shouted at her. A door opened and Rachel stepped out and stared at you. “Let me through.” 

“Y/n,” Rachel said quietly. You pushed past Joey and Chandler. Nobody followed you outside or to your new place. Monica left a message on her cell for you to call her when you were ready to talk. You made sure to write down her number before you threw your phone out of your apartment window and onto the pavement. The next morning, when you went to get a new phone, you saw the shattered pieces on the concrete. You put them in the trash and picked up your new phone from the store. It was going to take time, but this was a new you and you were determined to live your life without Rachel in it because you knew that somehow, you couldn’t compete with Ross.

[eggtoasties]

Pairing: Miya Atsumu X Reader

Rating + Notes: T: mentions of swearing, nausea, vomit but FLUFF

Word Count: 1.3k

Summary: After getting his wisdom teeth removed, the score is: Miya Atsumu: 0, Miya Osamu: 2

“Remember when ya’ almost threw up in m’ car?” Atsumu asks from the passenger seat, lowering the volume of the music and grinning.

“God, shut up. I thought you promised not to bring that up again,” she huffs, eyes focused on the road.

“Well anyways,” he says sunnily, sticking his hand out the open window, “I won’t need this.” He kicks at the plastic bag she brought for emergencies. “When Samu got his wisdom teeth out a few years back, he was high for like, two hours then jus’ passed out for 10 hours. An’ besides ya’ almost yakking in my car,” he looks at her over his sunglasses, “ya’ also just slept. So, this is gonna be easy breezy,” he sing songs, kicking his feet up on the dash.

“Yeah, yeah,” she says, “you’re already such a handful, you better be well behaved.”

Waiting in the lobby together, Atsumu absentmindedly thumbs through a gossip magazine and peers over her shoulder at her phone.

“If I act all loopy, will ya’ video me so I can show the team?” resting his chin on her shoulder.

“You better not, I have to drive us back. And besides,” she says, turning her head towards him, “thought you said this’ll be easy breezy?”

Atsumu throws a cocky grin and rests his hands behind his head, sprawling in his seat. “Yeah, yer right babe.”

Getting called in from the lobby, Atsumu stands up. He hands her his phone and throws her a wink. She rolls her eyes but shouts after him.

“Good luck!”

.

After forty minutes, Atsumu is escorted back into the lobby with two dental assistants next to him.

“He’s pretty lucid after the surgery, so you’re free to take him home,” the one in green scrubs says. “Here’s a pamphlet on what he can and can’t do, eat, and drink and here’s gauze,” he finishes, handing the items to her.

“How’re you holding up, Miya-san?” the assistant in blue scrubs asks.

Atsumu has a dazed expression on his face, lids half dropping—almost reminiscent of his twin. Looking between the two assistants holding his shoulders, his eyes finally registered who was in front of him.

“Oi, yer real pretty,” he drawls, head tilting to one side.

Trying not to let the heat rise to her face, she turns her head ignoring the amused glances from the dental assistants.

“We’ll help him to your car,” one of them says.

Thankfully, Atsumu was compliant and walks relatively steadily to the passenger’s side. Strapping him in the assistants reminds her to call if any problems arise. Thanking them one last time she gets into her seat for the journey home.

“Hey,” she says softly, getting Atsumu’s attention, “how do you feel?”

He was resting the crown of his head on the head rest, chin jutting up towards the roof. Turning his head, he looks down at her with a bleary expression.

“’M fine, tol’ ya’ easy breezy,” he replies with a mouthful of gauze. “Lets g’ home an’ sleep,” drawing out the last word with a whine.

Chuckling, she puts the car in drive and heads home.

.

Turns out, Atsumu wasn’t the one who needed luck. She did. Twenty minutes into the ride, Atsumu taps into some drug induced energy. Writhing in his seat, trying to take out the gauze in his mouth, and repeatedly screaming that the doctors had stolen his tongue, she is at her wits end.

On the car ride to the appointment Atsumu had been going on about how since he and Samu had the same genes, it was only natural that he had the same subdued reaction to the anesthesia.

She questioned how true that was when his wisdom teeth didn’t grow until recent, years after Samu, to which he replied, “’M no geneticist, babe.”

Twenty minutes into the car ride with ten minutes to go, she whips her phone out at a red light and hits Video Call. Hearing, rather than seeing Osamu’s confused state, she shoves the phone in Atsumu’s hands, similar to an exasperated mother with a small child.

“Osamu. He’s a mess, do something about it,” she bites out, hitting the gas at the green light.

At her words Atsumu lets out an indignant screech and through the gauze he mutters, “Pretty ladies shouldn’t be so mean to the injured.”

“What am I supposed ta’ do with the idiot,” Osamu complains from the phone.

“I don’t know make him stop moving!”

From the corner of her eye she sees her boyfriend hunch over her phone and hold it extremely close to his face.

Squinting, he asks, “Why’re ya’ so ugly?”

A string of explicative comes pouring out her phone and Atsumu cackles, toppling over towards the middle console.

Clenching the wheel with two hands and taking a deep grounding breath, she repeats to herself like a mantra, five more minutes.

.

Finally pulling into the parking garage of their apartment complex, she was ready to pour herself a large glass of wine.

Atsumu and Osamu were still yelling, throwing playground insults about the other’s looks. She figures Atsumu’s claims about being the smarter twin has to be a lie and briefly rests her forehead on the steering wheel, summoning the strength to get her boyfriend to their apartment.

Unbuckling her seatbelt, she catches Atsumu frowning and fixating out the window, ignoring Osamu. She leans over to unbuckle his belt and jumps in her seat when his shoulders and neck lurch forward. She lunges for the plastic bag and holds it under his mouth swearing.

“’Tsumu do you think you’re gonna puke or can you make it to the apartment?” she asks, praying it was just a bout of nausea.

“Yeah ‘mfine, ‘mfi—”

She lets out a screech as he throws up into the grocery bag and clamps down on her own gag reflex. After a minute, Atsumu throws his head back into the head rest and looks at her with spit dripping down the side of his lip.

“The gauze left me.”

“Yes,” she responds gingerly, tying the bag carefully. “I see that.”

Leaving the car as fast as possible to throw the bag away, she catches Osamu howling through the phone.

“Ya’ absolute scrub,” he chokes out between heaving breaths.

.

Hours later after rinsing out Atsumu’s mouth, shoving gauze back in without getting her fingers bitten, and forcing him in bed, he blearily comes out of the bedroom into the living room.

Nursing a glass of wine and watching some reality program she peers at him over the rim.

“Well,” she asks, “are you done?”

Stepping carefully towards her, he sits next to her with his hands in his lap.

Cheeks swollen he mutters, “’M sorry.”

She hums and swirls her stem. She’s not angry, but seeing Atsumu puffy and shy is filling her with an unbridled amount of glee. Leaning her head on his shoulder and noticing how he melts into her, he presses a kiss into her hair.

“Thank ya’ for takin’ care of me,” he whispers.

Before she can respond, their phones vibrate. Both getting a message from Osamu, they share a concerned glance before tapping at the message.

It’s a shaky video of Atsumu. The angle is low and unflattering and Atsumu’s staring out into the distance until he gags and a plastic bag obscures his face from view.

Atsumu stares at his phone in disbelief as text bubbles pops up.

From Osamu: HAHA u ugly SCRUB

From Osamu: sent this to ur whole team too better give your girl some apology flowers LOSER

Groaning, Atsumu buries his head into her lap as she laughs. Shoulder shaking, she cards a hand through his hair.

“I’ll get ya’ yer favorite,” he mumbles.

Leaning towards his head, she kisses his temple and scratches his scalp. Her lips ghost the shell of his ear and she whispers, “Pick up dinner too.”