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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years

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34. Ivory

Previous Trigger Warnings for mentions of underage/revenge porn, mentions of eating disorder Word Count: 8388

Between Grace making that post of her rapping along to Captain Hook, her saying "aye aye" to Simon in comments, and this photo of Simon's D print in the gray sweatpants, I'm starting to think he's packing a curve 👀

Simon Laurent "liked"

Commenter: He is! Did you never see the old sex tape?

Poster: The WHAT? No… But, wait… I thought that they dated in school. You mean like something that happened after that?

Commenter: They were in school, but it was online for the longest time before she snitched, so I’m sure somebody still has it out there…

Poster: That’s gross. I’m not that desperate to see it that I wanna look at some kids doing it. No thank you.

Simon Laurent “liked”

Commenter is blocked by Simon.

Grace was in the grocery store with her mother and brother, and Zasha, a white samoyed puppy that Mrs. Monroe had purchased from a breeder… to potentially train to be in competitions, and Zasha’s handler. Why did Mrs. Monroe bring Zasha into the store, just to have someone else hold her? For the same reason that the nanny was also there, tending to Montanus. “Because, that is literally what I pay them to do.” But… we’re at the grocery store and didn’t even have to BRING them! Grace didn’t argue.

However, she did wonder if she was suffering from some type of weird mid life crisis, or just a rich, bored woman whose husband was working more and more all of the time, despite supposedly getting closer to retirement. Then, she wondered if they weren’t doing so well. But, she kept those wonders to herself, as it would frighten her to know whatever the truth was if it was anything other than her mother did whatever she wanted because she could afford to.

Plus, she wanted to get out of the house, and apparently that had been reduced to tagging along with Grace at the grocery store, in case she needed help. “You’re almost 6 months, correct? How has it been? Online, one would swear that you’re Diahanne Caroll in her prime. You’ve rarely broken a sweat. Is that for your fans?”

Grace shook her head and read the label of something before putting it into her cart, “I haven’t had any problems, except for eating way more than I used to and getting gas, but those calcium chews usually help with that and I bounce right back. You know, I’ve always taken really great care of myself, think things through and pay top dollar for the finest self care. I guess that the baby is pleased with their temporary temple.” She smiled at her mom and noticed the woman looked leery. “I know… you had a very rough pregnancy with me. Believe me, I remember this fact, but I haven’t been having that experience, personally. In fact… Did you know that I’ve gained THOUSANDS of new followers since they’ve seen that I was pregnant. Pregnant people have been asking me what I use for this and for that and I’ve been plugging my brand, since we’ve got the pregnancy line now. It’s been sensational. I’ve had a blast!”

Grace had been working on a blog about her pregnancy, which she began with a video addressing all of the questions to all of the people who were not her.

“Hey, Those That Are Graced!” She’d cheered into the camera, “Happy New Year! I know that I’ve been unavailable to reach out too, and believe me, I do miss interacting with fans and followers, but I am currently not working on my career, to focus on other things in my life. Just to touch base with everyone, I feel like we’ve had this discussion before and those of you who actually respect me would definitely not need it repeated, but there have been so many new faces of possibly unfamiliar followers that I am revisiting notes that I have in all of my bios…

First, my professional life is one thing, my private life is another. I extend myself professionally, and over the past few months, even though I have not actually been working, I’ve still been spending time providing everyone with content. Please do not send messages, comments, or questions for me to any of my friends, and especially not to my family members, Hazel in particular. She is 12 and shouldn’t have adults bothering her for information that not only isn’t her concern, but isn’t your concern. She wants to be able to enjoy the limited hours of screen time that she’s allowed. That becomes difficult for her when people are asking her hundreds of questions that literally are related to her mother’s sex life.

Second, my professional life is offered at my discretion, as well. Whenever there is product that I think you should try, I will announce it. If I’m not familiar with a product or no arrangements have been made for me to try a product or I’m unaware of a product… my comments is not the place for said product. That is including everything from your all natural care supplies, book recommendations, your demos, your dance videos… Like… I LOVE receiving those things, but whenever I open my comments back up, that is not where those things go.

I have links for email addresses for avenues of business, entertainment, etc on my website, and if nothing else, my website is featured on every form of social media that I have. I am the person who goes through those emails. I am NOT the person who checks my social media messages, so you will never get a response from me through those and run the risk of me not seeing something if you send it there instead.

Third, my spaces have boundaries and moderators to enforce those boundaries. Whenever you’ve been allowed to be a guest in any of my spaces or my child’s spaces, you treat that shit like Afropunk - “No sexism, no racism, no ableism, no homophobia, no fatphobia, no transphobia, no hatefulness.” And then, since I’m not Afropunk and I have even greater needs, and can’t believe I have to say this much else: No pedophilia, no inappropriate interactions with a minor, no incestuous ideation, and no nudity. My moderators are quick, but not perfect. Your fellow guests and neighbors in my spaces should never have to see jokes about my mother and I engaged in sexual acts together, or worse, my UNDERAGE daughter, and no - Hazel and I posting a dance video is not an invitation for someone to make comments that because she might be fluid in her movements that it is sexually suggestive and if ever we find one of those headass posts where you put a photo of my beautiful daughter up, say something obscene or rude or ask, “Thoughts?” Simon finds out your IP address, sometimes more than that and he doxxes your ass. Ask around. If threats of violence or suggestions of harm are given… he might show up at your house and I don’t know what to even tell you about that one, because I’m not at liberty to say, according to the lawyers.”

She smiled, relaxed, unclenched her teeth that she realized had been clenched since she began her greater needs.

“Fourth, leave Hazel alone. She isn’t going to add you, because she is not allowed to add adults that she does not know. If you follow her public figure pages, those are for her poetry, her brand, her rapping, her artwork, her theater program, and whatever announcements she wants to share with her fans about her personal life, which is usually vague and innocent. If Hazel posts that she had a great time at the premiere of some movie, that is not the place to ask her personal questions. The place to ask her personal questions is nowhere! We don’t have a space created for strangers to ask her personal questions. She sometimes will be allowed to grant an interview, in which she will answer a professional about appropriate questions that have been approved.

Fifth, shut up about Simon! Shut up about Simon! I swear to you… In the past few years that Simon and I have been in communication and the ones that we’ve been in close communication, I KNOW that you realize that we are communicating, but that falls under my private life, which I have not created a space in the public for.

Now… you may speak with Simon about whatever things he speaks about in his private life, I can’t control that, but what I can control and do control is what he will or won’t say about me, even in HIS space. Yes. I got it like that, and what will happen, is Simon will be seeing this, and he is very good at remembering details and he will memorize everything that I’ve said here and he will respect that and enforce it, even in HIS space.

Which leads me to my last thing… There’s a lot of Esmoroth fanfolk in my spaces now and you all act a certain way in your little Esmoroth corner of the Internet… but in here, in Grace’s space, you better act like you’ve been tossed to the feet of the Idol Princess when her pheromones are igniting the internal flame of servitude. Because, we stan the Idol Princess in this space, and you’d better act right.”

After the release of the 3rd book and return of the Idol Princess aka the Future Queen, several fans were disappointed and had called Simon out for “pandering.” But, several MORE fans came around. He was competing for top spots with the YA novel greats after the 3rd book. But… that also meant more fans to be in Grace’s business.

Her New Year’s announcement remained pinned at the top of her page and the next post was text, “Oh, yeah. Last but not least, you may have noticed that I’m pregnant. I’ll be featuring some of my favorite findings on my maternity journey here, so please stay tuned if you’re pregnant, expecting, or planning, for what I think and hope will be some helpful tips for your journey!”

Most of the Esmoroth fandom didn’t like her very much, but they also “just couldn’t stay away. Aside from the Grace in Maternity blog, she still didn’t have social media open for commentary, though she did sometimes pass through Simon’s or Hazel’s comments and engaged a little bit with them. She pinned the video to other sites and then just didn’t really visit them again much.

“I could barely walk whenever I was six months pregnant. I had the finest of everything, too,” Mrs. Monroe broke into her thoughts. “Then again, I had what they now call an eating disorder for several years. I… wasn’t completely… well whenever you were announced…” she looked guilty, like she did whenever she faced her own failures as a mother. “We had to get a 24 hour nurse to keep me… healthy. By seven months, I could hardly get out of bed.”

Grace furrowed her eyebrows, “Mom… you’ve never told me that you had an eating disorder. Did you ever get help for it?”

“Help? Oh… like… whenever I had to be rushed to the hospital multiple times? Yes. I got help.”

“MOM… Did you ever heal?”

“Wait, are you asking me if I have disordered eating now? Heaven’s no, Grace. I was trapped with your father by the time you were born. I eventually realized that I had to be more… alive and well than I did flawless. We hired a nutritionist and personal chef.”

“Mom… a lot of people need psychological help for something like that.”

“And I come across to you as ‘a lot of people’? Hmph. It’s pathetic enough that I allowed myself to be so weak. I wasn’t going to beg someone to give me the strength I needed.”

“That’s not what it’s like at all…” Grace cupped her mother’s face and said, “There may be things that people need to help you with, Mom. That doesn’t make you weak or whatever else you’ve convinced yourself of. It didn’t make me weak when I needed to get help. It doesn’t make Hazel weak when she needs help…”

Mrs. Monroe waved Grace’s hands off of her face, “As long as you’re fine, have no other concerns.”

“Mom…”

“Were you done with the shopping?” Grace sighed and continued moving.

Simon was pacing, clenching and unclenching his fists. Several of the message boards, every one of his social media platforms, and even at least one of Hazel’s. He’d taken her devices away, but now she was angry and he certainly couldn’t find the words to explain beyond, “You can’t be online right now.” She was scribbling aggressively in one of her paper journals, and fuming. They both were fuming from different but related reasons.

Grace came in with her little shopping entourage and Hazel rushed to her, furiously.

“Your BOY TOY took my devices DURING screen time and REFUSES to give them back!” Grace’s eyes went wide and she turned to look at Simon, who was pacing and didn’t even seem to hear the accusation, notice that she came in or to see Monty. Something was absolutely wrong here.

“Help get the groceries and I’ll get your devices, okay?” Grace said and cupped her chin. Hazel was still breathing heavily as she stormed out towards the groceries and Mrs. Monroe settled on the couch. Grace took Simon’s hand and he was startled by her sudden touch. But, the moment he realized it was her, he let out a deep breath and wrapped her up in a tight hug. “Hey. Let’s go talk, okay?” She suggested, rubbing his back. He nodded his head, but didn’t move from the spot or lessen his hold on. She squirmed a little bit and said politely, “Oxygen, Gray Eyes..” He let up and rushed out of the room. Grace followed and watched him flop on the bed and cover his face with his fists. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“We’ve been doing SO well…” He said, shaking his head.

“We have.” So, this is something that he did wrong? “And the only way that we continue doing well is to be open and caring with each other.” He slicked back the wild hairs that weren’t pulled into his ponytail. He appeared to be in a lot of pain, but she had to get whatever this was settled. “Should I go online? Will I see what happened, if I do?” She pulled out her phone, mumbling, “I’m guessing that’s why Hazel’s stuff was confiscate-” He snatched the phone from her hands and she let out a yelp, both at the audacity and the fact that she didn’t even see him get up.

“No. I have to tell you. You can’t find out on the Internet. SHE can’t get on. She CAN’T!”

“Why can’t she? Because, she’s pretty pissed and it IS her screen time…”

“Because, the internet is relentless and unkind, and she’s too young to have to deal with how much. Not today. She’ll… I’ll… give her extra time once it's died down.”

“Tell me what’s going on, Simon.”

He frowned, “Someone brought the tape up.” At first, she was confused. Was this something about the movie? Why would he be so upset as to take Hazel’s… “And it’s recirculating again. I’ve been reporting it and fans have been reporting it and it gets taken down, but more and more people have seen it now and it’s just… too much. I don’t want her to run into it…” NOW, she understood. That tape… which… technically… it was done with a webcam, so it was never a tape, it was a recording, but… “I saw it again… not watched it, but you know, saw a portion of it whenever I was reporting it… God…” He sat down on the bed, “You’re a kid, Grace. You had the rounded face and everything…”

“Ummm… You’re a month and a day older than me, Dude.” she said, sitting down, trying to pretend that she was more calm than her heart was allowing. She could barely breathe, thinking about the feelings that just mentioning that used to bring up for her. She wasn’t sure how she might react to seeing it come up somewhere. But, maybe she should try…

She gently took her phone back, despite his struggling. One stern look and he let it go, realizing that she was determined and he was probably already in a lot of trouble, if something had been triggered. She nodded, “Yep, looks like a few people have tagged me, asking me if I saw that somebody posted it…” She went to the video and he clenched the bedspread, moving his legs uncontrollably and looking straight ahead. “You know, a lot of people used to say that you couldn’t see your face in it, that it was out of frame, but it does come into frame a few times…” she said. She paused, “See?” He shook his head. “Simon, you’re not even gonna indulge me a little bit at a time like this?”

His frown deepened and he took another long breath. She was right. SHE was the victim in this. The least he could do was take a look at his disgusting handiwork. He saw himself and he recoiled. “You were a kid, too,” she said. “Sure, at the time, this hurt more than anything my brain can recall. But… I do know, as a grown ass woman, you were wrong and also were a child. Both of those things can be accurate.”

“We’re only a few years older than Hazel, there. If some kid did something like this to her… I would…”

“I would hope that you’d remember that you were their age once and just as bad.”

“Is… is that how you would react?”

“Oh, hell no. I’ve never done anything like this. I’d kill that fucking kid. But, you would have to be the adult that fucking pulls me off of him…” She laughed and scratched at his beard, “But, nothing like this will happen to Hazel. She’s a good judge of character and we know all of her friends.”

“Your parents knew me too, and I think that they’re pretty good judges of character. Your mom at least. She always knew that I was rotten.”

“No she didn’t! She knew that you weren’t rich, and in her head those two things were the same thing. She knew that you were controlling, and she thought that I was going to sacrifice myself for you, but she didn’t think that you were going to straight up try to assassinate my entire character.” He looked away from her, “And NOW, you are very diligent in making sure that you aren’t crossing any lines, with me and with Hazel, my mother, my father, and I think people in general. This wasn’t long enough ago that it’s not hurtful to think about… but it was long enough ago to not beat yourself up over. But… It is a burden that you designed. So, it’s only right that you explain to Hazel exactly why she shouldn’t be online right now.”

Hazel took it so much better than she had taken him taking away her computer and phone. “Are you serious? I’ll just avoid social media. You KNOW I don’t wanna see anything like that, myself, but I already knew that it existed out there somewhere.” She shook her head, “I don’t like the way you look with clothes ON, think I’d run the risk of seeing you without them?”

Grace suggested, “Is there anything else you want to say to him? Maybe about how you broke the news to me when I got home?”

“Oh..” Hazel flared her nostrils and rolled her eyes, “Sorry I called you Mom’s Boy Toy… You kinda are, but I shouldn’t say it…”

Simon laughed, mostly because he was relieved that she wasn’t scarred by him having to talk to her about this video resurfacing. “You kidding? I’m gonna put that on a t-shirt.”

“No cap? Because I have SO many where that came from.”

“We’ve gotta brainstorm.”

“Simpsona T-shirts can be your new thing…” And just like that, Grace watched them be best friends again. Hazel could get mad and stay mad for a long time, but she didn’t like to argue, so even whenever she got mad, she tended to stay to herself until she wasn’t. The two of them left to go sit on the swing set outside of the house they were renting, and Grace sat by her mom on the couch.

“I don’t even want to know what that was about.”

“Cool, because I wasn’t gonna tell you.”

“You don’t have to. One of your “boy toy’s” fans will.” Grace laughed and then threw her head onto her mom’s shoulder. The woman gasped at first, taken aback by the show of affection, but then placed her hand on Grace’s. “You’re a very good mother to both of them. You’ll be a good one to that one too.” she pointed her free hand at Grace’s belly.

“Did you just…?”

“Come on, you’ve been raising yourself a man since you met him and I’ll stand by that forever. Might get it engraved on my headstone.”

Grace cackled, “I absolutely AM NOT raising him!”

“He is literally a life sized puppy that went through a rebellious phase where he kept biting you!”

“Well, I finally realized that I have the power to curve that behavior… and trust me, Mom… It’s not something you’d do with somebody you’re raising.” Grace stuck her tongue out.

“Get off of me you scoundrel!” Her mother joked. Grace just laughed and held on tighter. The woman put her arm around her. “Are you okay, Darling?”

“Whenever I was hurt or scared as a little girl, I was more afraid of admitting it to you and Daddy. I would be more hurt by the thoughts of how little you would think of me if I openly showed imperfection. Not feeling that way took a long time and a lot of work. So, now, if I have a hard day, I’m not too proud to lay on my mommy and say so.” She looked to gauge her mother’s reaction. She was always speechless whenever Grace got emotional.

She’d never learn past those suppressing ways and it amazed Grace that her mother didn’t realize how much her and Simon were alike in that way. Simon had to work really hard at it and her mother was too proud and pampered to put in such effort. But, whenever Grace booped her nose, the woman’s eyes flickered amusement, ever so slightly. Now, she pushed Grace off of herself and opened her arms to receive Montanus. “Take a photograph of me with my children,” She told the nanny. “One with the two human ones, then we’ll add the new fur baby…”

She still hadn’t made any announcements about her status with Simon, nor had she spoken about her pregnancy outside of the maternity blog by the time Valentines’ Day rolled around. But, one thing that she did was allow for Simon to share maternity photos. That was her “gift” to him.

There. Were. Tons.

Simon took photos of everything. He had a copy of every ultrasound. He had an electronic journal of every detail that came up. So, whenever he posted the album “Countdown to Ivory’s Arrival,” he had more photos than most of the fans were probably going to look through. Therefore, he left many of them private, with only close friends able to view, and the ones that were public were his favorites of the candids of Grace being pregnant and gorgeous, some of the ones from photoshoots that she would post, and the professional maternity photos that they had taken so far. They took some each trimester, as a family.

The ones at her three month mark were taken in New York, early November (around their anniversary, whenever he was in town. They had fall colors and all three of them were absolutely stunning. Hazel was impressed with how well that Simon cleaned up, so much that whenever he showed her older photos of himself, she thought he was a different person. She had no idea how right about that she was. Simon being both subservient and also a mega diva himself was absolutely salivating every time Grace did something, but also, it was him who insisted, "We have to have a photoshoot each trimester, each with a different theme.” She agreed on the trimesters, but wasn’t feeling the theme part so much. She told him that they could simply have the season be the theme.

They had three changes of outfits for each set. Grace had a gown made much like the one that she had worn to the fall festival in 9th grade (the one that the Idol Princess’ gown was very heavily based on, the one that Simon had taken photos of her in, getting her first beauty deal underway), one that Simon saw her in and immediately began crying. “You’re… gonna ruin the photos,” Hazel told him.

There were candid ones of him crying. Her favorite was one where he was crying, Grace was trying to comfort him and Hazel dropped in front of them, bombing it with a prison pose and her tongue out. She had on a yellow pantsuit with fall leaves in her hair, her signature look being wearing leaves in her hair. Simon’s yellow suit was similar to hers, but way more expensive and the red accents, instead of the orange ones that Hazel elected.

The orange outfits were Hazel in orange overalls, Grace in a romper and Simon in a jumpsuit that Hazel insisted was “the most expensive prison wear in the world.” The red ones were regal matching dress attire, Grace in a two piece dress to show off her belly, Hazel in the same floor length evening gown, but one piece, and Simon in a red suit, made of the same material. Hazel’s hair was down and flowing. Grace’s was gathered up, with most of her afro pulled forward, cascading out of the jeweled red head dress she wore, and Simon’s usually (these days) flowing hair was pulled into a ponytail, with the undercut showing. He was generally self conscious about it, but Hazel put little red jewels over his scar, so even though he was still anxious about his hair, he was proud of her accessorizing enough that he wanted to confidently show it off.

The six month ones were taken in January, and done in all white, which Hazel said, “Looks fabulous on mom and me, but you look like the abominable snowman,” to Simon, on the day of. They were in California by that time, but took a little trip to the mountains because the Monroes had property there that Simon remembered had beautiful scenery that he wanted to have family photos at.

They did all white shots and winter blues.

Whenever Simon posted them on Valentines’ Day, Hazel joked in the comments, “I still say that we need to crop your face out.”

People loved the maternity photos, noticed that Grace did NOT have any on her page and she didn’t comment or react to any on Simon’s page. (Yes, these people pay entirely too much attention to the lives of celebrities that they didn’t even KNOW), but someone did some investigating and found Grace’s pregnancy blog. So… even though that was mostly a completely different following, others stormed into the space, thinking that FINALLY, some place where Grace has actually been interacting and will interact with us. She literally ignored anybody that wasn’t asking about helpful tips for their own pregnancy or giving her helpful tips and the title changed from, “Grace in Maternity” to “Y’all Can See This is a Mommy Blog, Right?”

A few people were seething, but funny enough, Grace’s faithful mommy following were more along the lines of, “Wait… You’re FAMOUS, Monroe Mommy???” After that, she had a hoard of moms check out her other life. She enjoyed having more of them in her fan base, though she also had a lot of ones who had always known being like, “Y’all seriously didn’t know Grace Monroe?” and her favorite quote ever on that blog, “Hell, her album is the reason I AM pregnant!!!”

Meanwhile, Simon had been less likely to play around with any of the fans ever since the video thing. He’d made that very clear, and then sort of stopped interacting with them. He didn’t even go through to like people’s comments anymore. Some of them would say things like, “Whoever resurfaced that video, if we find you, it's on sight for making Simon hate speaking with us!”

Sometimes a person would “Lol” and contend, “He’s too busy working on the Esmoroth movie. He’s not here because of the movie not some fuzzy sex tape from years ago.”

Those were the only ones that he’d respond to just to say, “No, they’re right,” and nothing else.

He wasn’t as busy on the Esmoroth movie as he intended to be. He was working on more tech and models for the movie than any other movie things. For one thing, the script was being adapted, and casting was hard. The casting director wanted to get a different type for the Idol Princess, but Simon was extremely firm and clear that the Idol Princess HAD to look exactly as described in the book. “There are parts of the story that are directly related to her looking the way that she does.”

“We can adjust those parts,” the director had said, hoping to appease him.

“The Idol Princess looks like my childhood best friend. Her look is non negotiable,” he had told them. They didn’t believe in non negotiable, apparently, because the girls that were being considered were all much too light. Whenever Simon had rejected them all, they informed him of those girls’ filmographies and their agents and other people said agents represented.. “Maybe they have that type of record because people are hiring them for roles that were meant to be for someone else. Just… give me all of the call sheets for girl characters who auditioned.”

He went through and disqualified half on looks alone (not to say that they weren’t pretty children or whatever, but they didn’t look like the Idol Princess). Whenever he had the stack of dark skin girls, he went through, checking their filmographies and auditions.

He asked Hazel for her opinion and she suggested a name that he recognized from his rejected stack. He pulled it back up and looked at the light skinned girl in the photo, "Do you mean this girl, Hazel?" He wondered.

"Yes! She's a really good actress!"

He furrowed his eyebrows and pointed out, "But she doesn't look like the Idol Princess. The Idol Princess has dark brown skin, tightly coiled hair, full nose and lips, and dark brown eyes. This girl has none of those things."

Hazel shrugged her shoulders, "She's really good though."

"Well… maybe some of these other girls are really good and people just don't want to see them in stuff like this."

Hazel frowned and she asked, "Are you accusing me of favoring her because she's got features like mine?"

"No. I'm just saying that she doesn't look the part. You're usually really good about that kind of thing, Haze."

"Well… I don't know anybody in the age range that looks like the description of the Idol Princess." She folded her arms, "But like you said, maybe that's because people take the easy way out and just get the pretty Black girl that they know of to play a part instead of being true to characters. I've definitely read more books with dark skinned girls than I've seen in movies…"

"Here are some of my choices," he said and spread the sheets out before her. "I think this one has the look, but I think this one had a better audition. BUT, she was auditioning for a background character and this one was auditioning for the Wicked Heiress. Maybe she just didn't have that role in her and should audition for the Idol Princess, so we can know for sure.."

"I think that maybe they should all audition for the Idol Princess again. What if they just didn't believe it would be realistic that they'd get offered a job like this, especially if bigger stars are being considered? Sometimes, I have to talk kids into auditioning for our productions because they're worried that the same actors will win out anyway."

He gave her a side smile, "I think you're onto something, Haze."

Hazel sent out the invites for Grace’s baby shower. Unfortunately, all of Grace’s friends lived elsewhere, so it would be an expensive trip. Fortunately, they had money, so the Monroes could foot the bill for everyone who didn’t just have the means to travel across country for an event.

Meta flew in with Damita from New York the previous week, but he made some business plans to collab with a Cali artist that week, so he was working, as well. Meanwhile, Damita and Grace were spending the week reconnecting and chilling. Shana and Iza came in from Atlanta the night before. Gharrisahn was already in LA for work, so she would swing by the day of. Grace’s parents arranged for Mikayla and Tulip to come down. They were in coach on the same flight that Lucy’s and Lindsay’s moms and they were in first class, so they’d all meet the driver upon landing.

Hazel had on a headset, along with Simon’s assistant and Grace’s assistant, because Hazel had arranged the shower and she wanted to make sure that things went how she meant for them to.

Grace was in a custom made gown that was inspired by Book 3 of Esmoroth and Simon had been at her side simply staring at her for the entire time she had it on. It had been a surprise. A very nice one that he apparently loved. She hired the costume designer for the movie to make her several pieces, but this one was like the one that the Idol Princess resurrects in. Grace was now hip to the lore enough, mainly from paying attention to Hazel’s ravings, and her and Simon’s movie chat.

For the most part, Grace didn’t want to have a shower. All of her friends lived elsewhere, the baby was due sort of close to Hazel’s birthday and she still wanted Hazel to be able to have a party - which she doubted would be able to happen if she waited until after they were born, so she wanted to have Hazel’s birthday party, INSTEAD of a shower and Hazel said, “How about you just worry about slaying everybody in your peak perfection pregnancy, and I’ll take care of the shower?”

With the financial backing of GlamMother, her dad’s big brain, and her own penchant for moments and aesthetics, Hazel tended to be very good at making things come together. She even produced some choreography (Doereography, as she called her pieces), for her and her mother to perform, because, yes, Grace was good and swollen by May, but she also could still do mostly everything that she was doing before with that additional bundle. It did throw her balance off a little and she couldn’t lift Hazel at the moment, but she kept up with every step of the Irish step dancing that Hazel put into the choreo, and she absolutely could still nail every Haitian movement. Hazel wanted to make a birthday choreo with ties to her heritage, and Grace was always very supportive of her doing anything that made her feel connected to her identity.

For good measure, Hazel looked up cultures from Grace and Simon’s heritages too. She was most accustomed to American jazz/hip hop and ballet. She started at 6, with Grace and when they were apart, Grace used to make instructional videos and post them just for Hazel. Whenever she was 10, she started to tap, and all of the other things in between, she and Grace perfected, and whenever she really wanted to nail something, they’d call in a world class trainer.

Hazel felt that a world class trainer was needed for the baby shower. Grace very much so disagreed. So, Hazel got her grandmother to get them. “Next time, simply come to me first,” the woman had said.

Hazel opened up with one of her raps. Her mom’s friends (as always) got their entire lives whenever she would flow - which was possibly the reason that she honed her talent, if she thought about it - and even Simon would be into the groove with things. He didn’t have the best rhythm, but he certainly always looked way taken up with her talent. Grace bouncing around with a round belly was everything in the world to Hazel, and when she was done, she waddled over to hug her.

They played games, did some traditional shower things and some new things too, that Hazel consulted with celebrity event planners for. When it was time for gifts, Grace froze, looking at the way that everything flowed. It was like her 16th birthday again and she felt like she might have a panic attack. “Grace… It’s okay,” Simon said. She looked at him on the other side of the tete a tete and he smiled, “I learned my lesson. This is straight up simply tribute.” He kissed her on the forehead and she calmed down to receive gifts and cry about everything, but manage to not look ugly doing so, because no matter how comfortable she had gotten over the years, that was still engrained in her as a huge no-no.

Winding down from the party, she found Hazel and her friends at the photo booth, having switched out their baby shower outfits for their birthday party outfits. “Where’s Simon?”

“Bullying people about their gifts,” Hazel said nonchalantly.

“Oh God…” Grace raced over and smiled, “Hey… what’s uh… what’s going on?”

Mrs. Monroe stood behind Simon with her arms folded and Mr. Laurent was in front of them. Simon answered, “Well, I’m giving people things back that went against the specifications for the list.”

“I don’t remember making specifications for the list.”

“You wouldn’t, because you didn’t, I did. You aren’t particularly great at meticulous things and you don’t pay attention whenever I’m telling you plans like these,” Simon said.

“We’re not gonna send a gift back with the person who gave it to us.”

“What are we gonna do, donate it to charity? Because I am not putting this together for our baby. This company uses…”

“Thank you, Mr. Laurent. Thank you for coming and thank you for this gift.” She gave the man a pat on the hand and smiled at Simon. He was still frowning, along with her mother. “You’re backing him up, now?” She got flashbacks of whenever they used to gang up on her and she was very salty that she had to defend MR. LAURENT of all people against the devastating team and Simon and her mother could be.

“He specifically said nothing from that company ON THE LIST,” her mom said, beginning a tirade against this man, with her and Simon taking turns on letting him know exactly how he’d fucked up.

“Their product is cheap and substandard.”

“They’ve decimated the supply of the people in the area they harness things from TO make cheap product.”

“And they use slave labor!”

“Child slaves.”

“OKAY! Okay… That’s a good company to boycott. But hear me out… Mr. Laurent is a simple man who shops at like three places and definitely doesn’t look up things like that,” Grace said.

To which Simon and Mrs. Monroe both reminded her, (loudly) “It was on the list!”

“I made it clear which companies we weren’t accepting gifts from!”

“It’s already bought.” Simon was going to continue complaining, but Grace took his hands and placed them on her belly and he immediately softened up and stared at it. “This is the most important thing, right?”

He looked up at her and cupped her face, shifting himself to touch foreheads with her. Hazel appeared out of nowhere to bomb the photo that they weren’t even expecting Lucy to take.

“Wait, that was it?” Grace wondered. Let’s be clear… she did go through a lot of pain and it was a tough time in the birthing house, even with Simon right beside her and Hazel, her mother and her best friend nearby. But… it felt like there should be something else happening or that something was missing, that she had neglected something, or like something didn’t happen that was supposed to.

She supposed that she had simply set her expectations so deeply into the thought of pain, struggle, blood, sweat and tears, that when it came… her imagination had actually run wild. Simon had kept telling her she was doing well and how he was proud of her and other affirmations. He was holding the baby now while she was being cleaned up.

“Did everything happen?” Grace asked.

Hazel went over the checklist with her. Yes. Everything happened. “Did I pass out?” No. She was awake. She was there for every grueling minute. It just was a different experience for her than what her mother described, than what she read and interpreted.

The professionals explained to her how her birthing went relatively well, what to do next, etc. Charlotte, from the center, even talked to her about how it’s not only different for everyone, but how all four of her own pregnancies and births were different from the last. Grace was expecting something terrible to happen within the first few days, just because it didn’t seem like everything had happened! The paranoia died down on day 3 and she simply was back to cuddling with her new baby.

They looked like her, so far. Hazel made them a stuffie of a potato in a diaper… the baby just looked like a potato. She didn’t know how else to express that. Simon worshipped them. He was constantly holding them whenever Grace wasn’t. He was close by whenever she fed them. He took so many photos on his phone that within days, he surpassed all of the ones he had of Monty from the past several months.

NONE of those were going online any time soon. Grace had only posted a few days after giving birth her experience with having done so. She bounced back so quickly and looked so effortlessly beautiful that some people were claiming that she had been trolling and was never actually pregnant. She found that funny, but it also was her cue to duck away from the Internet for a while again.

The first month of Ivory’s life, they were for the most part a quiet baby. Simon frequently worried that something was wrong, checking, rechecking, then coming back and checking again that they were breathing, awake, happy, etc. Grace was more like, “You’re so gross. Look at you! Drooling all over everything. Little slobbery monster!” She spoke in a high pitched voice that made Ivory smile and kick their little legs around.

“GRACE! Don’t say that!” Simon insisted. “You’re gonna make them feel bad.”

“No way! Ivory’s a tough little cookie, like their Mama. I gonna bite you, Cookie! Mama gonna bite you!” Then she playfully nibbled at their feet and hands.

Simon studied the baby for a while and determined, “They seem to be enjoying it.” He would then relax a little.

Hazel was the only person allowed to post photos of Ivory, and comments were always closed. The first one was on Hazel’s birthday. She was in a sundress, tanned a little more than usual and Ivory and she had on matching rompers and sunhats. “Ivory came 13 days before my 13th year. They really said, “I’ma be 13 too, Sis.” Look at them. Tiny. Tiny Potato. Sis has your back for life. #taurustribe #jk #idcboutthat #MonroeSibs #Doetography #HouseLaurent

And there it was. All that anyone needed to see. You honestly couldn’t tell what the baby looked like, but how could anybody doubt Hazel’s hashtag “House Laurent?”

Simon sort of liked having a private family. He wasn’t sure why he had been so eager to have people acknowledge things before. Even one year ago, he needed for somebody, anybody to know that he slept in the same bed with Grace Monroe. He needed for her to say “I love you.” He needed to hear Hazel call him “dad.” He still loved those things, but he had everything he could have ever wanted… it just looked different than he thought it would.

Why did he want to “take care of” Grace for so long? She was caoable of taking care of herself, probably better than he was of himself. She had talents (was ALREADY back to working on new dances with Hazel and new music), qualities… God… that smile made him weak… She had several other things too, but if he sat there making a list, he’d be there for a while, and he COULDN’T be there for a while, because Ivory was six weeks old and Grace told him that he could take them with him to work.

He began strapping the baby into the stroller… “Are you… where are you trying to take my baby?” Grace asked.

“My calendar says that they’re six weeks old. I can take them to work with me.”

Grace put her hands on her hips and Simon frowned. “You said it. I have a recording of you saying it.”

“Well, I said that we shouldn’t take them anywhere before six weeks…”

“And I set my calendar,” Simon completed the thought and pulled the diaper bag onto his shoulder. “Abigail is bringing Monty, so they’ll have a play date.”

“Oh, she is?” Grace asked, toweling herself down. “Hold on. I’m coming.”

“Grace, I’m gonna be late!”

“I’m not letting you go be a Daddy sized snack with TWO cute babies on you with a cute, perfect bodied nanny with no friends!”

“I don’t think she’s all that cute and I have no idea what her body looks like!”

“It doesn’t look like she pushed a baby out of it six weeks ago!”

“NEITHER DOES YOURS!”

She came into the room, changed up and smiling, “Awww. That’s so sweet.”

“How did you?” She looked perfect. She looked perfect and she couldn’t have taken any longer than five minutes. And she thought she had anything to worry about? But, he wasn’t complaining. If he had Grace and the baby around, that was just better, all around.

“I’m staying here,” Hazel told them and continued dancing in the mirror.

Grace was standing on the scooter, with Simon behind her, sporadically kissing her on the neck every now and then, making her smile and gush. Whenever they pulled into the studio Simon took the baby out, which Grace noticed was wearing an oversized heather gray, “Proof he got lucky with Grace Monroe” onesie. “Simon! What did you…?” She gasped and saw that he had a shirt, the same color that read, “I got lucky with Grace Monroe.”

“In my defense, you weren’t supposed to be here today!” Simon told her.

“How many shirts and onesie sets did you buy?”

“Not a lot. I bought WAY MORE t-shirts than I did onesies.” She fell behind a little and the back of that man’s shirt said “Grace’s Babydaddy.”

“Simon…”

“In my defense… You were right there whenever I walked out of the house wearing it.” She laughed. “It’s just in the studio. I’m working on some mechanics. There’s not gonna be cameras on me or anything.” She was still pouting. “I know that you’re super secretive, but I’m sure that most of the people who give a damn about what we do already know that this is indeed my baby…”

“It’s not that.”

“Well, what is it?”

“Ugh. I wanted to do this whole reveal thing for you on Sunday! I was gonna make this long, sweet post and open my comments and EVERYTHING. Now, I feel like it won’t have the same effect…” His eyes were already all watery, just from her THINKING about doing so.

“Sunday is Father’s Day…”

“Yeah. I can keep my own secrets. Not tell people about my pregnancy or who I bone or how I share time with my daughter or whatever, but I didn’t plan on making you stay in the shadows of my spotlight for the rest of our lives, especially when it comes to this. You’ve been an immense pain in the ass, but you’re a wonderful father and I figured it’d be a good… coming out of sorts for me to acknowledge that on that day.”

He cradled Ivory closely, “You can still do that.”

“Well, you’ve announced it all over your clothes and also… I just told you the entire plan!”

“I love knowing plans!” Simon said. “Here.” He took off the shirt and threw on his hoodie, which it was too hot for and then they changed the baby’s onesie too. “I sort of want to eat it up whenever people actually find out from you that I am indeed, who you bone.” She laughed. “This is the best spoiled surprise that I’ve ever had!”

“Well… I didn’t tell you ALL my plans, so there’s still stuff to look forward to.”

“Yeah?” He asked, casually as they walked inside.

“Mmm hmm.”

“Can I have a hint?”

“Something that starts with the letter P.” Simon turned red and she smiled brightly.

“Uh. Didn’t put THAT on your calendar, did you?”

His lip dropped, “I DIDN'T!” He frowned, “In my defense… we don’t really do that enough for it to have been something I was counting down to.” He smirked, “But every time we do…” He raised his eyebrows and smiled at her. She bit her lip and shook her head, “Nope. Sunday. You aren’t gonna beard break me, Mr. Laurent.”

#If They Didn't Get on the Train #AU Infinity Train #Infinity Train #Nesha Fanfiction #Infinity Train Fanfiction #fics

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guylty · 5 years

Text

Our new baby is here! From my first tentative and spontaneous question to Ali re. rescuing the site (1 November), via the hand-over (25 November) and the developers starting work after our fundraiser in early December, Richardarmitagenet soft-launched in early January. Looking back, I am amazed how fast it all went – three months from a vague idea to rescue the site from being switched off, to a fully migrated website. Four developers were involved in migrating the site and restructuring it to my specifications. They worked a total of 173 hours on the site. I was involved in the background, helping with the categorising of the site, confirming links and testing the site as the development progressed. The guiding principle was to save all existing content, and to my knowledge the developers have done exactly that. The galleries, news timeline, interviews, clips and fan submissions were all transferred – an invaluable wealth of information that is now accessible again for all fans.

The reason I hadn’t announced the relaunch of the site to big fanfare, is really that after the migration and restructuring of the site, I was still tinkering with the site. Lots of little bits – setting up new e-mail addresses for the site, repairing broken links, updating contact details etc. – as well as familiarising myself with the new backend (which looks a bit different to what I am used to from my own WP site), meant I was dawdling because I wanted to set it all up before I officially declared the site relaunched.

Adjustments and Features

If truth be told, there are probably still a few constructions sites on RAnet. Any new baby eventually comes with teething problems. Which you may have noticed if you have been visiting the site over the last couple of weeks. But yesterday I finally got around to ticking off several major adjustments:

New e-mail addresses connected to the richardarmitagenet.com domain have been created so that fans can get in touch with the site for news or comments – news (and questions) can be sent to [email protected]

A new guestbook has been added to the “Fans” category in the main menu

A calendar of events is now visible in the side bar where upcoming release dates, events and appearances of Richard can be checked

A new page for radio clips was added to the “Press” category

And the broken links to the all-important news archives 2009 to 2015 were repaired and will now provide access to the news of yesteryear again.

With the new e-mail address established, I opened a new Twitter account for RAnet (allowing Ali to keep the old account through which she is connected with her friends). You can follow it @RAnetTweets.

Going Forward

Since its soft-launch, I have been updating the News section on RAnet again. As in the past, news will be added in a timely fashion, although not necessarily individually as news items are coming in, but whenever I have the opportunity to do so. Going forward, I am happy to continue that job and the general admin of RAnet (uploading interviews, clips etc.), but I may look for co-admins who can look after some of the other sections of the site – particularly the galleries come to mind. There may also be an opportunity to hand-over the management of the RAnet Twitter account, depending on how active that account is going to be. I intend to keep my own blog going, too, so I am keen to open RAnet to co-admins in order to spread the workload and to “uncouple” it from me as its sole proprietor – not least because I’d like it to continue to be the neutral, classy, unopinionated resource it has always been, enabling its use unimpeded by potential personal dislike of *me* as a person. The site is *your* site, made by fans and for fans, and its use as a resource for the fandom is the top priority. In the meantime, please do have a look at RAnet, click through the various sections, and if you find broken links or have suggestions, do let me know. But most of all: Enjoy and pat yourself on the back – your support of the fundraiser has enabled the rescue and relaunch of RAnet. Thank you!

Accounts

Speaking of the fundraiser – that brings me to the final accounts of the rescue operation aka web development. For auditing purposes, so to speak, these are the accounts of the whole project: Our fundraiser in December 2019 generated a total of €1738.77 after postage and fees. You may remember that I had written in an earlier post that I had agreed with the developers on a flat rate fee of €1550. (I had deliberately given them a slightly smaller budget than our available total funds, for two reasons: a) contingency, and b) I had hoped to have a little money left over for a big bouquet of flowers to be sent to Ali for her invaluable work over the years.) Unfortunately the final invoice exceeded €1550 because the developers had to charge me VAT. (Originally we had calculated the total fee ex-VAT because the invoice would be transacted through my work account. However, in the end that was not possible due to tax laws that require me to have a special tax number for electronically supplied services within the EU.) So, the final fee was €1797. I have topped up our fundraising proceeds with the missing €60. All bills have been paid and the transaction has therefore been finalised. For your information, I am including the invoices below. (Addresses blanked out for privacy reasons; if anyone wants to see the invoices unblanked, get in touch and I can show them to you bts.)

#gallery-0-7 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-7 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 33%; } #gallery-0-7 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-7 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

First instalment December 2019

Second Instalment January 2020, part 1

Second Instalment January 2020, part 2

And proof of the transaction via receipts from my bank:

#gallery-0-8 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-8 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 25%; } #gallery-0-8 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-8 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

Right, and that concludes the financial review.

I now declare Richardarmitagenet open 😀

RAnet Has Relaunched Our new baby is here! From my first tentative and spontaneous question to Ali re. rescuing the site (1 November), via the hand-over (25 November) and the developers starting work after our fundraiser in early December, Richardarmitagenet soft-launched in early January.

#fandom love

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dailyaudiobible · 4 years

Text

07/18/2020 DAB Transcript

1 Chronicles 26:12-27:34, Romans 4:13-5:5, Psalms 14:1-7, Proverbs 19:17

Today is the 18th day of July welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian and it is an honor and a joy to just kind of walk and sit down around this Global Campfire and open up the Scriptures and just relax, exhale…ahh…and enjoy the word of God being spoken today. And, so, let’s get to that. We are continuing our journey through the book of first Chronicles as well as our journey through Paul's letter to the Romans. And we’ve been reading from the Lexham English Bible this week, which is what we'll do today since it's the last day of the week. So, let’s dive in. First Chronicles chapter 26 verse 12 through 27 verse 34 today.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for another day. We thank You for another week. We thank You for Your faithfulness. We thank You that You are ever present if we are even remotely aware. You are with us and we are still here walking forward, and You are still willing to guide and direct our steps as we surrender ourselves in faith and believe and receive the gift. So, come Holy Spirit. This is such a relief, and yet…and yet we so rarely partake. To consider that it is already done, that we aren't earning anything, that You love us period and that You are leading us as a Father would into the truth so that we might…so that we might shine the light into this world and so that we might live as we were created to live. This isn’t fencing us in this is setting us free. And, so as we release this week and it becomes a part of history, we look forward to living into this in the days ahead. Come lead us Holy Spirit. Show us what this looks like for us. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailaudiobible.com is home base, it’s the website, it’s where you find out what is up around here. So, be sure to stay tuned and stay connected.

Check out the Community section of the website. That's where you find the different links to connect on social media, that’s where with a Prayer Wall lives and there's prayer happening on a continual basis there so be aware of it. Check it out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, thank you, thank you, first of all, thank you humbly. We wouldn't…we wouldn't be…we wouldn't be taking this journey if we weren't in it together. And, so, thank you for your partnership in the summertime here. There is a link on the homepage. If you're using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement 877-942-4253 is the number to dial or you can just hit the Hotline button, the little red button at the top in the app and share from there.

And that is it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hey DAB family this is the other Melanie from Georgia. I’m calling today because I saw on Facebook last night, Harold that you posted about the fact that the Chicago Marathon that you’ve been training for all these many months has officially been canceled. And it just reminded me of that first day that I heard you call in, just a guy from St. Louis who was not a believer but was listening to the podcast and really feeling encouragement. And just this journey that you’ve been on and all of us have been with you is just interesting to me that ultimately it turned out that that did not get to happen. But what a greater thing God is doing in your life and has done and will do just by your faithfulness and I just wanted to call in today and just rejoice with you that you are here and you’re a part of this community. And now you may not be running in the Chicago Marathon and you may not ever run in a marathon but you are running the race that’s really and truly important and you’ve been such an inspiration and I just wanted to call in and just recognize that and thank you for what you’ve meant to this community. And I just wanted to also just quickly pray this prayer from the book of common prayer. Oh, Holy Spirit beloved of my soul, I adore You. Enlighten me, guide me, strengthen me, console me. Tell me what I should do, give me Your orders. I promise to submit myself to all that You desire of me and to accept all that You permit that happen to me. Let me only know Your will. Amen. I pray that for all of us.

Hi Daily Audio Bible family it’s been so long since I’ve left anything on this prayer line. I think the last time I popped in was for the Christmas last year. So much has changed in my life and it’s hard to find the time dedicate to the prayers of all my brothers and sisters. So, I have decided to make sure that I listen to this month and not worry about the months that have gone on before and make sure that I’m current with July and then as the Lord helps me find the time I will go back to previous ones. But on July 6th Trusting Father confessed to the sin of arrogance and that prayer pierced my heart because I too have been thinking I have been better than someone else and I have shown it in my speech and it’s just gotten nasty. And, so I confess that I have been arrogant. And I want to be humble because O Lord I am a daughter of yours and there’s nothing in me, no wisdom, no skill, no anything that does not come from You. And, so, God I just want to shine Your light in the world and not worry whether I’m in shadow or not. Thank You, God. Amen.

Good morning this is Fenney from London I’m calling in response to GG from Gainesville message. My heart is so heavy for you. I am so connected to your spirit. I know that you are going through a lot now with the loss of your father. Wow. It’s only God Almighty that can strengthen you and I pray that the Spirit of the Lord will comfort you, the Spirit of comfort will overwhelm you and the rest of your family, that the strength…God’s strength will be made perfect in this time of your need, of your weakness. I pray that you will feel the embrace of the Lord God Almighty. Be assured that He never leaves you nor forsake you. The Lord is always with you and He’ll always be with you. Stay strong in the Lord and He will help you through this difficult period. Rest assured upon Him He never fails. It doesn’t matter what the situation might be, it doesn’t matter what we are going through, God is always there. You just need to continue to call upon Him …

Hey, my sweet DAB fam this is Kingdom Seeker Daniel from Chicago I apologize for calling again. Today is the 14th and I just heard GG from Gainesville’s call. My dear, I am so sorry, so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and my wife and I will be standing in the gap for you. You sound like such an incredible young lady that God’s hand is on mightily and I want to pray for you, and we will continue to pray for you. As you said, your DAB family will be praying for you. Father, I ask You to please wrap GG, her four siblings, sisters and brother and mom in Your arm. Will You strengthen them and give them the ability to move forward? Help GG in her physics and her chemistry and prokaryotic diversity classes. Give her the strength to finish strong. I ask Father that Your grace will see her through this and the family as a whole. And I pray for Your peace to completely surround them and help them to take one step at a time. Let them know that You are a very present help in their very difficult time right now. Thank You for this precious Young lady GG and her family in Jesus’ name. Love you sis.

Hello DAB family this is Emily in Seattle I wanted to pray for everyone today who is affected by the COVID-19 virus, if you’ve been unemployed or if you came down with a virus or if you know of someone who has I want to pray for you. Dear heavenly Father, I lift up everyone affected by the COVID-19 virus right now and I pray Lord that You will show Yourself strong on their behalf and that You will help them in every way possible and I pray Lord that You will bring health to their body and prosperity to their life and that You will comfort them and be near to them. And also, that You will always be their comforter and their deliverer. I pray Lord You will deliver them and honor them in every way possible in Jesus’ name. Amen. God bless you guys. Hang in there. We love you. Bye-bye.

Hello, my beloved DAB family I can’t let the sun go down on this day July 13th 2020 without acknowledging that today is my 10th DAB birthday thanks to my beautiful daughter leading be here with my life was broken. Because of her love and Brian’s obedience my life will never be the same. Through nearly a year of unemployment followed by the best job ever, a trail of broken relationships, and a remarriage to an amazing man of God, praying my children through very difficult times and seeing them absolutely flourish today, moving to my moms hometown and feeling her presence all around me despite her passing in 1983, one family gathering, three trips to Israel, one more gathering, finding the most amazing church, many new friends and so many more countless blessings all while Brian washed the living breathing word of God over my life every morning without fail. As sure as the sun rises, the word is there, feeding, guiding, correcting, directing. Brian, you and your family’s obedience have saved my life and the lives of thousands. I humbly thank you and ask God in Jesus’ name by the power of the Holy Spirit to continue to bless you, your family, and your anointed work. This is Cathleen from the beautiful rolling hills of Taska Minnesota.

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wildcardwriting · 5 years

Text

How Social Media Infected the Glory Pro Circle #2

(or Conversations Most of the Glory Pro Community Would Like to Forget Existed)

[King’s Avatar /全职高手 - 蝴蝶蓝 | Quánzhí Gāoshǒu - Húdié Lán ]

Next Chapter | Previous Chapter

Read on AO3

Summary: Or Ye Xiu is forced to deal with his fans. No one saw what was coming next.Because the alliance wants more exposure (i.e. fame) for the pro gamers, all pros are mandated to respond to questions from the fans.Naturally, this leads to some…strange conversations and some stranger answers. Likely will lead into AU TKA UniversePart Story, and TKA fun. Will include some social media.

XXxxxxxXX

Chapter #2: When Excellent Era Reads

XXxxxxxXX

The next day was filled with even more chaos. Slumped over the computer, Ye Xiu was awakened to the sound of loud chatter. Even though the training room had been renovated it was still located by the manager's office so even though the walls he could still make out bits of conversation.

As well as his name.

Rubbing his eyes, Ye Xiu stretched in his chair, and reach for a packet of dry food that was sitting at the next computer station over. It wasn't the same as breakfast, but it would do for now. For once it looks like he's up before it was time for training, so he might as well finish what he was doing.

Moving the mouse he woke the computer from sleep and clicked back into the Reddit email. He was expecting to see a little under two hundred questions, but instead of only having a few questions, the inbox count was over five thousand and growing by the second. Already just in the time, he was looking at the email count, the number rose by another hundred.

Resisting the urge to give up Ye Xiu set a timer. He agreed to do this, so he was going to do this to the best of his abilities... at least until training started.

XXxxxxXX

Glory Forums → Fourth Server → General -> Ye Qiu AMA?!?!

1st Floor— Forest of Rain

Hey all, did you hear about Ye Qiu's thread?

2nd Floor— Snow Dancer

I haven't just heard, have you read it? (Also: Sofa!) [1]

3rd Floor— Light of Life

Only some of it, but it's gold. Pure gold.

4th Floor— Endless Refrain

I know. He's just so cool!

5th Floor— Frost Burn

I heard he's going to be posting weekly. Are you going to submit anything?

6th Floor—Barren Defeat

Obviously. I've already submitted multiple questions. You should take this chance too.

7th Floor— Kicker Win

Any chance to speak to the Great God is a precious treasure.

8th Floor— No No Novak

XXxxxxXX

Excellent Era Chatroom

[User; Ye Qiu has been removed from the chat temporary.]

[Users; Qi Breaker, Absent Sun, Merciless Magic, Bleak Sky, and Woven Shadows are logged in.]

Qi Breaker: Before we start, let's go over the issues. Did anyone else read the questions on YQ's thread? Woven Shadows: Nope was at dodging practice. Merciless Magic: No time. I was being punished... too much training... Absent Sun: No. Why? Bleak Sky: I did. Some of the questions were misleading. Why? Did something else come up? Qi Breaker: YQ came and asked me what AllYe and HanYe meant. Bleak Sky: What did you say? Merciless Magic: Did you tell him? Absent Sun:+1 Woven Shadows: Tell him what. I'm confused. What do those words even mean? Absent Sun: what Merciless Magic:what Bleak Sky:what Merciless Magic: You don't know?! I can't believe Nurse is out of the loop. Quick, Xia Ming explain it to him. Bleak Sky: Fine. Be right back. Merciless Magic: So you gonna tell us what you told YQ? Qi Breaker: Not until Xia Ming returns. Bleak Sky: Back. Please carry on. Qi Breaker: Well, it went like this...

XXxxxxXX

When Wu Xuefeng walked into the Excellent Era practice room, a little after eight, he had expected several things. He expected to see food at Qin Tianran's desk, or extra pillows at Yin Xiong's desk, or perhaps Ye Qiu sleeping on the room couch again but what he did not expect was to see Ye Qiu typing furiously at a computer.

After their first championship, Ye Qiu hadn't needed to put in the same amount of work as he had before, and now with sponsors and a guild to back them up Ye Qiu's responsibilities had been shortened to only focusing on the team. So to find him still at a computer early in the morning instead of in his room, especially this early in the morning was completely out of character for the rather mature teenager.

Making his way over to his captain's side, Wu Xuefeng took a look at what his captain was looking at. He blinked at the words he was reading. While one half of the screen contained the Reddit email the second was something completely different. A plain word document, containing incredibly sexual and in some cases, vulgar words were listed. Every question was tied to a username or usernames and there was even a tally next to them. Taking off his glasses and cleaning them to ensure he was seeing what he thought he was, still did not make the words vanish.

The list was still there, and it was growing.

Feeling his age, Wu Xuefeng decided to just ask.

"Ye Qiu, what is this?" He asked as he motioned to some of the words on the word document.

Ye Xiu frowned at him. "I don't know. Some of the Reddit questions were odd, so I compiled a list so I could ask just in case."

Wu Xuefeng steeled himself hoping Ye Qiu's next words weren't what he thought they were.

"What does AllYe and the rest of these mean?"

XXxxxxXX

Excellent Era Chatroom

Bleak Sky: And how did you reply? Qi Breaker: I just told him I'd tell him later. Merciless Magic: I don't blame you. Absent Sun: Wait, why not tell him? Merciless Magic: Remember who our captain is. Absent Sun: Oh right. Bleak Sky: Telling him would be boring anyway. But what are you going to do about the rest of the questions? Surely there are some that are worse. Qi Breaker: I told him that I would monitor the questions. Merciless Magic: Nice Qi Breaker: Don't be too happy, I told captain everyone would be chipping in. Absent Sun: Why do you hate us? Merciless Magic: +1 Bleak Sky:+2 Woven Shadows:+3 Qi Breaker: Either way, its time for practice. We'll talk later.

[Users; Qi Breaker, Absent Sun, Merciless Magic, Bleak Sky, and Woven Shadows have logged out.]

XXxxxxXX

Breaking News: Ye Qiu's Shunning First Appearance on Social Media!

In a stunning first appearance, the mysterious and elusive Battle God himself made his first appearance to the fans in nearly three years.

In a Reddit thread climbing up charts (and currently number three as of this printing), Ye Qiu, or as he's known as on Reddit, OneLeafofTwo answered a large number of questions sent by fans. Everything from his favorite foods, to regrets, was answered in a Reddit MMA that is still taking questions.

Suffice to say fans are shocked, and overwhelmingly pleased to have this link to their battle God, which as all fans knew is notorious for never showing up at fan events.

Excellent Era themselves has teased some more appearances of the Battle God, but how and what shape will they take has yet to be announced.

But we at glory Pro are excited about the future.

This is Nang Shi signing off.

XXxxxxXX

Ye Xiu watched as his team scanned through his questions and sorted them into different groups. Instead of Ye Xiu dealing with all of them in a disjointed fashion, his team was splitting them up. Wu Xuefeng was sorting through his thread and setting it up into sections, while Xia Ming was adding accents and personalization to the site. Qin Tianran was adding sub-threads and other links onto the website while Xue Mingkai and Yin Xiong were checking the questions for quality.

All of Excellent Era was working through the questions so fast Ye Xiu was impressed. He didn’t think his team would even really bother with the social media accounts the alliance had set up for them but they had really taken to it. Watching them now, helping him made him feel proud and a little suspicious.

Neither Wu Xuefeng and Xia Ming were able to look him directly in the eyes, and Xue Mingkai and Yin Xiong were blushing.

Ye Xiu frowned.

He hoped they hadn't broken anything important.

XXxxxxXX

AMA: Ye Qiu Edition

Congratulations all! Due to the extreme popularity and demand for this thread, this thread will be separated into several sub-threads. Click on the links below to navigate to any of the topics, or submit a question!

*Note: As a reminder, all submitters must abide by the rules. Any inappropriate questions will be removed, and the users will be punished. Personal questions may or may not be answered depending on the topic, please keep this in mind. In addition, questions pertaining to face reveals will be deleted.

Recent Questions [click to see all questions and answers]

MusingthruDreams: Did you see yourself playing video games professionally when you were younger? And if not what was your dream profession before gaming kicked in?

OneLeafofTwo (Ye Qiu): Gaming professionally was only an option for certain games when I was younger, and I wasn't even sure it was the right choice for me at the time but I end up giving it a try. My dream profession before I became a pro was anything that didn't deal with business.

SlippingLight: Do you wish you'd gone with a different gamertag? / How did you come up with the name for One Autumn Leaf?

OneLeafofTwo (Ye Qiu): While I did come with the general name for One Autumn Leaf, I let the sister of my friend type in the name but she ended up using the wrong character for 'zhi' and instead of Herald of Autumn it became One Autumn Leaf. I just went with it in the end.

YellowFellow: What was the worst thing you ever did in Glory?

OneLeafofTwo (Ye Qiu): I completely destroyed my friend's arena record but it was mostly by accident. He refused to stop challenging me until he won and he lost often.

UrbanKnight: Who is the weakest player in Excellent Era?

OneLeafofTwo (Ye Qiu):Boss Tao.

RevengeFry: You've hold a number of titles in Glory, such as Master Tactician, Battle God and Glory Textbook. Which one do you like the most and why?

OneLeafofTwo (Ye Qiu): Glory Textbook. Glory is about more than fighting. Glory is a whole world of characters, and classes and meeting people. There are twenty four official classes but every person plays those classes differently and that what makes Glory.

SanonShe: How did you meet the rest of Excellent Era?

OneLeafofTwo (Ye Qiu):Most of Excellent Era was part of the guild before the team went pro, but I only met Wu Xuefeng a few months before Glory Pro was annonuced.

WaterBottleQ: What is your motto for teamwork?

OneLeafofTwo (Ye Qiu): A team can only work when all members trust each other. If an enemy needs to be defeated I can only do so with Excellent Era. Glory is not a single player game.

XXxxxxXX

Tumblr apparently hates images and spacing to see the acutally images and whatnot go to the ao3 version of this fanfiction.

Next Chapter | Previous Chapter

Read on AO3

#quan zhi gao shou #king's avatar #ye xiu #ye qiu #excellent era #fanfiction #amerikaknight #ao3 #How Social Media Infected the Glory Pro Circle

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dust2dust34 · 6 years

Text

Together (Olicity, post-7x12)

Summary: Felicity tells Oliver about William, but it’s so much more than that.

A/N: Takes place immediately after 7x12. I have a lot of feelings about the show right now and I needed to add to what we saw last night.

(read on AO3)

“DNA Match: Oliver Queen.”

The mechanical voice made his lips quirk as he opened the door. The smile disappeared when a dark apartment greeted him. Oliver frowned, shutting the door with a quiet snick. The lights under the cabinets were set to low, casting the rest of the open space in deep shadow. The curtains were drawn shut, blocking the city lights, giving him the impression it was closer to two a.m.

It wasn’t that late, was it? He’d spent a few minutes talking with Dinah after the mayor’s decision, figuring out the best way to bring the rest of the team onboard that would best benefit the city. They couldn’t stay at the SCPD headquarters. It was bad enough with Oliver there, stepping on everyone’s toes, but adding the rest of the team? That would push buttons they didn’t need to push. The bunker was trashed, but the structure was still there. It just needed a little work. He’d planned on talking with Felicity about it…

Except she wasn’t up.

Oliver’s frown deepened. It had been a long couple of days, though, hadn’t it? The cameras following him everywhere had taken a special toll, and on top of that contending with the mayor while someone specifically targeted vigilantes? And now William was home. A lot was happening.

He ignored a guilty twinge in his chest - he should have been here - and shrugged out of his coat. He hung it up in the coat closet, careful to keep the lines straight before closing it as softly as he could. He glanced down the hallway next to the kitchen.

William’s door was closed tight, no light coming from under the door.

The fact that it was closed at all had joy springing up in Oliver’s heart. It’d stood open for months. But his son was home now. Oliver closed his eyes, letting that sink in. He and Felicity had gone out to visit him when he’d first been released, but they hadn’t seen him since. He couldn’t wait to sit down with him and hear about what was happening at school, see how he was doing, catch up on everything new in his life.

He moved towards William’s room, wanting to check on him.

A muted sob reached his ears.

Oliver froze, his heart dropping as his head whipped towards the bedroom. “Felicity?”

He was at their room in a couple strides, pushing open the partially shut door.

The small light on her nightstand was on, highlighting where his wife pushed herself up into a sitting position, her back to him. She tried to surreptitiously wipe her face under her glasses before glancing back at him with what she thought was a smile. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied, moving to her side.

Felicity wiped her face again. “I didn’t hear you come in. Which is sort of a fail on my part, isn’t it? Spend all this time on a security system and I’m not paying enough attention for it to work.” Her voice cleared as she spoke, but he could still hear the tears she was trying to hide from him as he sat down next to her. “I should get on linking that to my phone so I can have it ready in here. Yeah, I think I’ll do that.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m okay,” Felicity insisted, giving him a brighter smile. It didn’t reach her red-rimmed eyes.

“Felicity-”

“You’re home late,” she said, standing up. She couldn’t stop wringing her hands. “Did things not go well with the mayor?”

“No, they went fine,” Oliver replied, fighting the urge to get up and follow here. He stayed where he was, watching her. “Better, actually. But that can wait. Did something happen? Did… Is William okay?”

Felicity’s laugh came out on a croak. “Well… That is the million dollar question, isn’t it?” Her eyes filled and she rolled her lip together as a tear fell down her cheek. Oliver was on his feet in an instant and coming towards her, but she stopped him with, “He got expelled, Oliver.”

“What?” Oliver gasped. He shook his head, his mouth moving, but no sound came out. “I don’t… I don’t understand.”

“Yeah,” she confirmed, wiping her face too hard. She wrapped her arms around her middle. “He told me after I confronted him about not taking his exams. You know that website we’ve been visiting? The emails we’ve gotten, the texts? All of it was fake. He coded all of it so we would never know. I would be really impressed if I wasn’t so angry and... and…” Her breath hitched, her voice cracking. “Oliver, I’m sorry.”

He blinked, her words not comprehending. “Why in the world are you sorry?”

“Because you trusted me with him,” Felicity said in a tiny voice. Oliver’s heart broke and he shook his head - no, no, this isn’t on you. He reached for her, but she backed away, digging her fingers into her sides so hard it hurt. “You trusted me and I ruined it. I ruined everything. You left and it was only me and look what happened. I couldn’t… He was doing so good before all this happened and I couldn’t keep him on that path. I couldn’t do it! He’s just so angry, Oliver. He trusted me to keep him safe and all I did was leave him at home to eat crappy sandwiches he had to make himself and then I upped and shipped him off to boarding school after he begged me not to and what kind of mother am I?”

Oliver’s voice broke as he whispered, “Felicity.”

“I’m sorry, I’m… I’m sorry,” she repeated, dropping her face into her hands. She curled in on herself before looking up again, wiping her tears away. “I know this isn’t the time for this. I shouldn’t…” Felicity closed her eyes and he could see her fighting to keep the tears back, but the dam had broken. A choked sob fell out as she shook her head, covering her face again. “Damn it, I didn’t want to do this with you here.”

That cut deeper than anything ever could.

“What are you talking about?” Oliver asked.

“I’m trying to be strong,” she said, the words coming in a rushed cry. “I’m trying to be strong, Oliver, because you… you’re different! God, it sounds like it’s a bad thing. It’s not. Of course you are. We both are. And I’m not trying to push you or make things worse, because I know you’ll work through whatever you need to work through, I know you will. You always do and I’m trying to be patient, because we’re still here. You and me. So you’ll be normal, and I’ll be normal. We’ll get there. So I’m trying, you know? I’m trying to make things as normal as possible. For both of us. For all of us. So we can get back to that. I need to get back to that, Oliver. You said all those amazing things about changing and evolving and even though it was so weird hearing it coming out of Barry’s mouth, I felt how much you meant those words. I felt it. So I’m trying to be normal! The new normal, our normal, whatever that is, I’m trying, because I know you aren’t there yet, not for you, not in your head, and maybe if I keep acting like everything is normal, it will actually be normal. I’m-I’m-I’m trying to pretend like my curtains aren’t bulletproof, or like I didn’t almost shoot someone in cold blood, or like my son doesn’t look at me like I’m the worst person on the planet for tearing him away from the only family he has left-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Oliver breathed, wrapping her up.

Felicity shook her head, pushing on his chest, but he didn’t let her go. He didn’t dare. He held her tight, curling around her, clinging to her like he hadn’t done in months. His chest caved in at that thought. For all his talk about their relationship never changing, about how he felt about her never changing, he was doing a piss-poor job of showing it. And of recognizing that the beautiful strong façade she put on was just that sometimes: a façade.

Just like his.

She finally collapsed against him, and then she was hugging him back, her hands curling into his sweater.

Oliver squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in her hair. “I’m sorry, Felicity. I… I don’t… I’m…” He leaned on her, more than he had in a long, long time. “I’m scared,” he admitted.

She stilled, holding her breath.

“I spent so much time thinking about what would happen when I got out, about getting home to you and William, about being a family again, and then I got it, and I’ve… I’m trying, too, Felicity. I’m trying to be here, but I’m… disconnected. I’m trying not to be. I don’t want to be, but I’ve never felt this way before, I don’t know what it is or why I’m feeling it, I’m…”

Oliver shuddered at his admission and burrowed further into her. She cradled him to her, and for the first time in a long time, he felt some of the weight on his shoulders dissipate.

“That might be normal,” Felicity eventually said into his chest. “I mean, after prison, after all of that, I think that might actually be… kind of normal.”

The irony of her words after everything she just said hit them both at the same time. A small, broken laugh fell out of her, her shoulders shaking, and before he knew it, he was chuckling. The laughter was choked and strained, but it popped the bubble of anguish surrounding them.

When it finally subsided, they stood there, holding each other.

“You should talk to someone, Oliver,” Felicity whispered and he sighed. But he didn’t disagree. “You’re not infallible, you know.”

He huffed. “I should say the same to you. You’re an amazing mother, Felicity. I see it every day, I see it in how you talk about William, how you’re always thinking about him, how you’re trying. Please don’t ever doubt that.”

She gave him a shaky sigh. “Thank you.”

Oliver pulled back to cup her face. He wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. “I know I missed a lot. You went through just as much as I did, Felicity, and I want to know all of it. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide things from me.”

Felicity sighed and her hand found his cheek. She scraped her nails through his stubble. “I just see what you’re going through every day and I’m… I don’t want to add to it, Oliver.”

“You’re not.” Oliver leaned into her palm. “I swear you’re not.”

“I think it’s going to take a while for us to get used to having someone there again, you know?” Felicity said softly. “But we will. No matter what happens, or how much we change… or grow or evolve…” They both smiled at the callback to his speech to her. “We’ll always be here. We just need to get better at remembering that.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “We should start with what we’re going to do about William.”

Felicity sighed and then nodded. “A plan. We need a plan.”

“And we’ll come up with one,” Oliver told her. “Hopefully it works, but the important part is that we’re coming up with it. That we’re working on it. Together. Everything will be okay as long as we’re together. I’ll definitely need you if the plan fails."

She smiled, and this one reached her eyes. “We’ll just come up with another one.”

He grinned. “Together.”

“Together.”

Thank you for reading! Reviews literally feed the soul and muse! (And coffee feeds my brain.)

#olicity #olicity fic #olicity fanfic #olicity fanfiction #olicitysquee #oliver queen #felicity smoak #arrow season 7 #arrow #fanfiction #my fics #my fics: season 7 #dust2dust34

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bluekayanite · 6 years

Text

So I’ve been cheating and catching the eastern stream of Cartoon Network, straight from their site, and I already had a lot of this written before it aired on the west coast. XD

This is in regards to the latest SU episode, Made of Honor. There be some spoilers below the line - I’ve left them pretty much untagged, just in case.

(I meant to have this go up last night, but apparently I goofed. >.>; Well, here it is now, in any case.)

EDIT: Added a segment.

“You know how how you fought with Mom because her whole war strategy didn’t make any sense?” - Steven, Made of Honor

I’ve said it before, but I think that Rose’s strategies would make less sense with the idea of her being were Pink. XD; I think if things went according to Pearl’s memories Rose/Pink could’ve easily botched the Homeworld side of the war to a ridiculous degree. Or led the war as Pink Diamond. Or just ordered her Gems off the Earth - heck, in Garnet’s version of events in Your Mother and Mine, Rose actually requested it.

“My Diamond, it has come to my attention that your colony, Earth, bears life. While I know these organic life-forms serve no purpose, I ask that we leave this planet, and spare their lives.”

In A Single Pale Rose, she even talked about ending it “right here, right now” - she would’ve done it... if she could do so without serous risk.

I think one of the biggest reasons why it never occurred to me that Rose might be Pink - even though there seemed to be hints of them working together and sharing a connection - was because it always seemed to me like Pink was hiding her motives, and like there had to be a pressing reason for it. For example: maybe she knew that if she were caught, it would all be over.

That said, I really think that White Diamond is the key here. Maybe, maybe Yellow and Blue would’ve ignored Pink’s requests (though I think Blue, at least, would’ve listened, even if not completely agreed [at least at first]), but I think there are subtle clues that White wouldn’t even begin to tolerate protecting the Earth. Personally, I doubt she’d accept any kind of betrayal, and I bet it would’ve been the hardest if it came from from a fellow Diamond.

Also, I think Rose was genuine when she said that no one deserves to be broken like that. Maybe she was covering for Pink, but I think if she was Pink, there’s a good chance she would’ve been a lot more flustered. XD; (Plus, if Steven was honest, I think Rose would be, too.) On the other hand, it seems pretty strongly implied (particularly in Bismuth) that HW Gems didn’t hold back from shattering Rose’s armies... something I don’t think would be allowed without (again) a pressing reason.

But yeah... overall, I think the story is closer is likely to be kind of closer to the way Garnet told it, with Rose approaching Pink and Pink acting dismissive.

I find it interesting that Bismuth somehow knew that only a Diamond could corrupt Gems. I’ll admit, I wonder how she knows, but that aside, I’ve long thought that maybe only a Diamond could also heal them. I mean, if Bismuth thinks that Pink had a way to corrupt Gems, isn’t there a chance that she could uncorrupt them?

And yet...

“Rose Quartz had tried to use her powers to save these monsters, too. But she was never able to heal them.” - Garnet, Monster Buddies

I do think that the corrupted Gems are going to get healed... I just don’t think Steven’s going to be the one to do it. ;3

(I may have already hinted at this a long time ago. X3)

Another note...

Based on what we’ve seen with Lapis and Peridot, I thought that bubbled or otherwise-trapped Gems basically reformed with their last-used appearance, but I guess this shows that that’s not always the case.

I have been wondering if Pink would look different if she came back... though I thought it might be by choice. (Maybe a combination... we don’t know the specifics of Gem reformation. XD; )

On a more-scientific note:"I'm made of the most solid, flexible, diamagnetic stuff there is." - Bismuth, Made of Honor“Solid” is pretty debatable, depending on your definition, because while real-life bismuth is apparently a pretty dense, and very atomically-stable metal, it’s actually pretty soft and brittle, and has a low melting point - in fact, there are videos on YouTube that show how you can melt it on the stove, and break it apart with, say, pliers. Or even your bare hands. That said, I wouldn’t call it “flexible” either, since it apparently break more than it bends.

“Diagmagnetic” is 100% true, though - it’s apparently the most diamagnetic natural substance there is. In fact, if you look up “diamagnetic on Dictionary.com”, bismuth is even mentioned. XD (No, I’m not going to explain what "diamagnenic” means - I hadn’t even heard the word before watching Made of Honor. Thankfully, I think the link explains it well enough if you know enough chemistry basics.)

Still, because of Bismuth (the Gem, and the ep), I’ve actually wondered if something about making a Gem affects the properties of the mineral it’s made out of, since an apparently soft, easily-breakable material is made into, well, something like Bismuth.

I know I haven’t posted this anywhere, but I have wondered if the Biggs that Bismuth mentioned way-back-when was also the Biggs that Jasper tried to ‘recruit.’ Looks like this is confirmed. 83

Okay... So when I was first watching the ep via the eastern stream on CN’s website, I misread the Yellow Tail invitation as reading “Yellow Pearl.” This may have led to me speculating that Pink was fully exerting her power to lead Steven to talk to the other Diamonds’ Pearls. XD;;; (I’ve already noticed that the sunsets have been more pink and some stars have been looking like encapsulated diamonds, and I’ve long thought that Rose was intentionally made sensitive to Diamonds, so it seemed... feasible that these were all due to Pink trying desperately trying to tell someone what was really going on. XD; )

That said, I do think it’s possible that those Pearls are going to play an important role in near-future events. They did react pretty strongly to the mention of Pink’s Pearl supposedly not doing anything.

This really looks like they knew something was wrong... Granted, it’s probably because they know that Pink’s Pearl would never betray her Diamond. Still I suspect that the Pearl we know and love never really belonged to Pink. If so, these two would know who Pink’s real Pearl was... and maybe things like whether or not Pink really could look like a Rose Quartz, or if her Diamond features would remain and give her away. XD;

I think there’s a good chance that Steven will get to talking to one-or-both of these Pearls... maybe even one of the Diamonds (most likely Blue). Depending on what they know, maybe those Pearls will even seek him out.

At any rate, I think there’s a good chance that Steven and at least Blue Diamond will end up realizing that something very strange is going on. They might call a truce, check the palanquin for clues, realize that the position of said palanquin is all wrong, figure out that Pink is mostly likely trapped in the observation orb, and finally check it out and manage to release her.

Or at least... that’s basically what I keep hoping. =(

#steven universe #made of honor #thought #speculation #theories #su pink diamond #rose wasn't pink #rose quartz wasn't pink diamond #misc #i got scientific for a section of this

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lirlovesfic · 6 years

Text

The Choice

A Doctor Who fanfic

Summary: After GitF, the TARDIS brings the Doctor, Rose, and Mickey back to the estate to solve a problem involving the TARDIS herself. But when they see a familiar face, the face of someone who should not exist, they realize the problem is deeper than they thought and could endanger the Doctor’s very existence. Primary characters: Ninth Doctor, Tenth Doctor, Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, Jackie Tyler. Genres: Romance, mystery, adventure, drama, character study, HN AU, fobbed!Nine, sick TARDIS. Pairings: Nine/Rose, Ten/Rose Rating: Adult

Warning: none for this chaper

a/n: I am currently working on editing this chapter-by-chapter, with the hopes of completing a chapter a day until I catch up with myself. As I mentioned in a previous post, I’m doing it to try to get back into the swing of writing and to build some momentum in order to finish this. Also, there have been some tiny things nagging at me for a while (grammar, punctuation, etc.) so I’ll be correcting as many of them as I can find as I go. The story will not change. In fact, most of the changes are going to be so minor that I doubt anyone (besides myself) will notice. But to keep myself on target, I’ll be posting it all here as I go, with links to the other websites it’s on. I hope you enjoy it.

Catch up: on AO3, on TSP, on ffnet

This chapter: on AO3, on TSP, on ffnet

Chapter Sixteen—London, 15 July, 2007, and the Titanic Dock, Southampton, 10 April 1912

As soon as Rose left, John got dressed in his typical work clothes: jeans, work shirt, heavy boots. He had told her the truth. Despite it being Sunday, he had a bunch of things to do that afternoon.

First stop was the garage. Since he and Rose had left work so abruptly the day before, courtesy Jimmy Stone, John still had a few things to finish up before Monday morning. If nothing else, he needed to put away his tools. After yelling at his coworkers for leaving theirs lying around, he didn't want to be caught doing the same thing.

After he was done at the garage, he made his way through a list of minor repairs he needed to do around the Powell Estate. Cleaning out the drain filter of a washing machine. Replacing the washer on a leaky tap. Unclogging a stopped-up toilet.

Although he occasionally had jobs to do for some of the harried single mothers on the Estate—removing an entire bag's worth of marshmallows that had been shoved down a kitchen sink by a three-year-old was a memorable, and sticky, one—most were for the pensioners who could no longer do the things for themselves and had no relatives to do for them. Helping them out sometimes meant the difference between them staying in their own flats versus being forced into a home.

Halfway down his repair list, while he was wedged under a kitchen sink fixing a broken garbage disposal for an older woman who had recently lost her husband, he realized that he missed Rose. He told himself that it was just because she'd have been a help handing him tools or holding things in place while he repaired them, but really he just… missed her company. Having her around, knowing she was nearby, brightened his day. Helped relieve the loneliness he had felt ever since waking up in that alley on New Year's. Something as simple as just holding her hand grounded him.

He had it bad, a tiny voice said in the back of his head, a voice he was finding it harder and harder to ignore.

After repairing an electrical switch that had stopped working—something that could have started a fire and burned down the entire building if it hadn't been fixed—he looked at the last item on the list. Instead of a repair, there was only an address. He sighed. It was for the elderly sisters on the floor below him, Irene and Gladys. They always had a list for him as long as his arm, usually for small tasks like replacing a lightbulb or unsticking a window. He strongly suspected they only put themselves on the repair list to have him stop by for a visit. Normally he didn't mind, in fact he enjoyed the visits, but today he was anxious to get done and get ready for his date with Rose.

At that thought he stopped in his tracks.

Was it a date? He wasn't sure.

But more importantly, did Rose think it was a date? Maybe not. It was just takeaway and telly after all.

Well, whether it was a date or not, he needed to finish up and get ready.

Oh, well. At least he was likely to get a cuppa and some biscuits while he fixed everything for them. He was getting hungry.

~oOo~

While John was busy doing minor repairs all over the Estate, Rose sat on the ground with her back against the TARDIS, grateful for the shade of the tall buildings on either side of her. She was reluctant to leave the ship. If the Doctor, as John, had been wandering around England for the past six months, that meant the TARDIS had been alone all that time.

Did a semi-sentient Time and Space ship get lonely? She didn't know, but she feared the answer was yes.

Finally, after her back got a crick in it and her bum was sore from sitting on the rough pavement, Rose was forced to get up. She had no idea how long she'd been there, but if she had to hazard a guess it probably had been well over an hour. She stood and stretched, first pushing her hands outward and then high over her head. She sighed in relief as she felt her back slip back into alignment with an audible crack.

"Sorry, I've got to go," she said. She rubbed her hand along the ridge of the door again. "But I'll be back soon. Promise."

The TARDIS made a weak, sickly sound, and impulsively, Rose wrapped her arms around the tall, blue box as far as they would go, again promising to be back soon. And then, after a final pat on the door, she reluctantly headed out of the alley.

The street was blindingly bright compared to the relative darkness of the alley, and she squinted her eyes against the glare. She glanced backwards. The TARDIS was barely visible, parked where she was at the end of the blind alley. She felt guilty leaving her there alone, but there wasn't really anything she could do at the moment. She couldn't get inside, and it wasn't as if she could set up camp in the alley. The best she could do was to come back every day and check on her.

As she began to walk back to the bus stop, she felt a wave of nervousness and anxiety, just as she had when she had arrived there.

But no, this was different. Then she had been worried about what might happen when she got to the TARDIS, but now she knew she couldn't get in yet. And she knew that the TARDIS was okay, at least for the moment. Frequently visiting the Time ship would help her monitor the ship's condition, and she hoped it might even help her get better. Plus, this felt less like worry about the TARDIS and more like an itch between her shoulder blades.

Almost like she was being watched.

She stopped and slowly turned around, scanning the street behind her. Although it was nowhere near crowded, neither was it empty. People were walking up and down the pavement, mostly in groups of two or three. Some, who looked like tourists, were stopping to look at the wares that had been placed outside some of the shop doors. Others held bags of groceries from the market on the corner or the bakery down the way. One couple was entering a pub, which looked as if it had just opened. No one seemed to be paying particular attention to her. Or any attention at all, really.

Everything looked normal. Ordinary. Boring. Typical for a Sunday afternoon.

Must be her imagination, she decided, brought on by more than a year traveling with the Doctor. After having werewolves and clockwork robots try to kill you, a little paranoia was normal. Sensible even.

The scent of chips and burgers, probably coming from one of the nearby pubs, jerked her from her thoughts. Her stomach growled loudly. The toast she had shared with John had been hours earlier. She needed to go back to the flat and get something to eat.

She turned back to head to the bus stop, only to see the bus already there.

Damn, she thought, and ran for it, waving at him to wait for her. To her relief the driver spotted her and waited, a true rarity. As she got on the bus, she pulled her mum's travel card out of her pocket and showed it to him. He nodded and she collapsed onto an empty seat, suddenly knackered.

As the bus drove down the street, she yawned. She hadn't really had much sleep the night before, just a couple of hours before the business with Rita and Chuck, and then a few more afterwards on the sofa with John. As good as the sleep had been in John's arms—and it had been really, really good—it didn't make up for a complete night's worth, and the lack was catching up to her.

And she didn't like to admit it, but she was still a little sore from the business with Jimmy yesterday. Had that been only yesterday? After such an eventful few hours, it didn't seem possible that the confrontation with Jimmy had been less than a day earlier.

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat on the bus. Another dose of paracetamol when she got back to the flat maybe, she thought. But what she really needed was another back rub. What had John called it again? Accu…something or other. Acupuncture? No, that was with needles. She knew that much. But it was something like that.

Oh, yeah, acupressure!

She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to relax the bruised muscles. Her mind wandered: to fingers gently massaging the back of her head, her neck; to thumbs lightly working their way across her shoulders, down her spine; to arms wrapping around her, pulling her close, her back against his chest; to hands caressing, one sneaking under her top to cup her breast, the other dropping down, slipping beneath the waistband of her jeans, her knickers...

She forced her eyes open. No, she shouldn't go there. Hadn't she just decided that she should cool things down between them so that John wouldn't do anything the Doctor would regret later? Fantasizing about him wouldn't help, would in fact make it much more difficult to resist temptation.

In an effort to distract herself, she stared out the window. She wondered what time it was. She needed to get back and get ready for her date with John.

Her date with John.

Inwardly she groaned. If she thought fantasizing about him would make it tough to resist her impulse to snog him into next week, what would a date do?

But was it a date? She wasn't sure. It was just takeaway and telly. She and the Doctor often ate takeaway and watched telly together—albeit telly from the 76th century rather than the 21st and exotic food from some planet or other instead of pizza from the place on the corner—and she wasn't dating him.

But it didn't really matter what she thought about it. The real issue was, did John think it was a date? She wasn't sure.

She tried to picture their relationship from his point of view. They had spent a lot of time together in the last week, walked to and from work together every day, and he had taken her to a café after work yesterday. And he had even paid.

And she had kissed his cheek before they had fallen asleep. Together. And he had kissed her goodbye this morning. After she had made him breakfast.

Her jaw dropped as realization struck.

Oh my God, she thought, not only was it a date, but they were already dating.

~oOo~

If Mickey had thought their previous landings had been difficult, they had been nothing compared to trying to land in Southampton in 1912. As the Doctor pulled the last lever to take them out of the Vortex, the console began to shake violently. And instead of the familiar metal-on metal groan the TARDIS typically made upon materialization, the room was filled with an unearthly shriek that sounded like a woman screaming in pain.

"Hang on!" the Doctor shouted over the din.

Mickey grabbed onto the handrail in front of him with both hands and hung on for dear life as the entire room shuddered and quaked. The floor rolled and heaved under their feet, the metal access panels in the floor rattling and then coming loose, repeatedly lifting of their own accord and then, with a loud bang, slamming shut again.

On the opposite side of the console, the Doctor clung to another handrail, eyes tightly shut and mouth moving. Although he couldn't hear him, Mickey guessed that the Doctor was whispering encouragements to the TARDIS herself, but to Mickey's eyes it looked like he was praying.

With that thought, a vision of his Gran passed through his mind. Mickey himself wasn't religious, but she had been. Relying on her faith, he whispered a prayer of his own.

The shriek of the engines turned into a deafening roar. The shaking grew impossibly stronger. Tiny bits of the TARDIS's ceiling and walls began to break off and fly about the room, creating a coral sandstorm that stung his face and hands. A thick, choking gray-green smoke poured from the console.

From somewhere in the depths of the TARDIS, the Cloister bell again began its ominous toll.

And then, just as soon as Mickey was convinced that it would never end, that they would be trapped in the Vortex forever with the TARDIS disintegrating around them, one final, massive jolt flung them both to the floor.

And then all of it—the bone-jarring shaking, the roar of the engines, the bong bong bong of the Cloister bell—just... stopped. Silence fell over the console room. The TARDIS's main lights blinked out, plunging them into semi-darkness. The only light in the room was provided by the fading blue-green glow of the time rotor and the only sound, the quiet whirr of the TARDIS's air filtration system. The smoke quickly dissipated.

The Doctor picked himself up off the floor and ran to the console, pulling his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket as he moved.

Mickey staggered to his feet and joined him at the console. "Are we there?"

The Doctor didn't answer immediately. Instead he scanned the controls with his screwdriver and examined the readings. A fleeting expression of a combination of disappointment and sadness crossed face, only to be replaced by a mask of what Mickey knew was false cheerfulness.

"Let's take a look, shall we?" He pointed his sonic at the monitor, and the screen came to life.

Mickey peered over the Doctor's shoulder.

"Another alley?" he asked.

"Appears so. Which is good, because we don't want anyone noticing us. Police Boxes didn't exist yet, and we don't want anyone, particularly past versions of me, spotting the TARDIS." He stuck his screwdriver back in his pocket and pulled out the tiny telepathic dampers he had made. He shoved them into his ears as he headed to the door. "Now we just have to see if we've arrived at the proper place and time. That's not anywhere near a certainty, not with the way the TARDIS has been acting lately." He flung open the doors and stepped outside.

Mickey swallowed nervously. If they hadn't arrived at the correct time and place, the trip would have been for nothing. And they'd probably be stuck there, if their landing was anything to judge.

"Mickey!"

At the sound of the Doctor's voice, Mickey took a deep breath and put on an air of nonchalance before following the Doctor out the door.

For a moment, Mickey thought they'd returned to Dallas. There was a bit of a nip in the air, and the alley looked almost exactly the same: brick walls, metal fire escapes, bins… But then he noticed the walls weren't quite as close together, the brick was a different color, the fire escapes were a different design, and he could smell the salty, slightly fishy smell of the sea.

"So are we…" Mickey began.

The Doctor interrupted him. "Look up," he said.

Mickey looked up. The huge smokestacks of a ship towered over the top of the building.

"Bloody hell."

"Looks like we made it," the Doctor said, grinning widely.

"Those things… those things are huge!"

"Well, they didn't exactly call it the Titanic for nothing." As they left the alley, the Doctor continued. "At the time, it was the largest ship that had ever been built. Even by your time, it was still one of the largest ships ever built."

The Titanic's whistle blew, loud enough to rattle nearby windows. Startled, Mickey jumped. The Doctor snickered.

"I didn't expect it, that's all," Mickey said defensively, ears still ringing.

"If you're near one of the biggest ocean liners in the world, you've got to expect you're gonna hear one of the loudest whistles."

They rounded a corner and saw dozens, no, hundreds of people headed in the same general direction as they were. Most of the men wore jackets and trousers made of a rough wool, while the women wore plain, full-length dresses of either brown or black. Almost all had children in tow, and everyone, children included, carried bulging rucksacks or carpet bags.

"Third class," the Doctor said quietly. "Traveling to the New World in search of a better life, carrying all their worldly possessions on their backs."

Mickey watched them for a moment, sickened by the realization that most of the people in front of him would never make it to America. Instead, they would be dead in less than a week. And there was nothing he could do about it.

No wonder the Doctor didn't want to go to fixed points like this.

But he had, Mickey remembered suddenly. Not only was the Doctor there, he was there in triplicate.

"I just thought of something," he said. "If the Titanic sinking was a fixed point and you don't like to go to fixed points, why did you come here the first time?"

"Well…" the Doctor began. And then he froze, wide-eyed.

At the Doctor's expression, Mickey looked around wildly. "What is it? What's goin' on?" he asked. And then he heard it. The unmistakable sound of the TARDIS materializing.

"Fantastic! We found him already!" he exclaimed. "Now we just gotta figure out why he's here, what happened, then we can fix it and go home!" He headed off in the direction of the sound.

The Doctor grabbed at his arm. "Mickey, wait!"

Glaring at him, Mickey yanked his arm out of reach. He jogged down the street, dodging people as he looked down side streets and alleys, trying to spot the dark blue of the TARDIS. He found it just as the Doctor caught up to him.

The Doctor grabbed Mickey by the lapel and pulled them both into a recessed doorway. "Shhhhhh," the Doctor whispered, holding a finger up to his lips.

Puzzled, Mickey pulled away from him and peered around the edge of the doorway. The door to the TARDIS opened, but instead of the tall man with big ears, close-cropped hair and a leather jacket that he expected to see, someone else walked out. A man with shoulder-length, wavy chestnut hair wearing a long, dark brown velvet coat, an intricately patterned waistcoat, and a silk cravat. He was closely followed by a young woman with dark blonde hair wearing a full-length dress in a shade of pale green. She had a lace shawl wrapped loosely around her shoulders, and on her head sat a large green hat with a feather sticking out of it.

The man pulled a key out of his pocket and locked the door.

"Shall we, Charley?" the man asked as he offered her his arm. She gave him a bright, mischievous grin and placed her hand on his sleeve.

The Doctor yanked Mickey further back into the shadows as the two walked past, seemingly not noticing them hiding in the doorway.

Once they were gone, Mickey turned and stared at the Doctor. The other man was leaning against the door, his face more pale than normal.

"I don't get it," Mickey said. "Who are they?"

"The girl's name is Charlotte Pollard. Charley. And the man…" He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Well… that was me."

#the choice #nine x rose #ten x rose #ficandchips #fobbed!Nine #this chapter was really tough #i hate hate HATE writing descriptions #and this chapter had a lot of them #bleh

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solidaritytek-archive · 7 years

Text

Safehouse

FANDOM: D.Gray-Man PAIRING: Lavi/Allen/Tyki (Eventually) WORD COUNT: 2,365 WARNINGS: Abuse, Transphobia, Misgendering (All mentioned) LINKS: AO3 | FFN

Summary: For years, all he wanted to do was get away, to be free of his grandfather that demanded he be someone other than himself. Alone, it was an unattainable goal. Sometimes, your only option is to ask for help.

Lavi rubbed at his arm as he sat down at his desk, gently nudging his mouse to activate the monitor. He glanced around his room in hesitation before shifting his chair closer. He wanted to do this, really, but was absolutely terrified. If his grandfather ever found out, things would get so much worse than they already were.

But he was finally reaching his breaking point. It had been a long time coming, and he was surprised that he’d lasted as long as he had. Any normal person would have broken long ago, he was sure of it.

Of course, Lavi wasn’t really what people would consider ‘normal’, and he was fine with that. Honestly, the only reason he was even still living with the old man was because he had nowhere else to go. That, and the thought of what the man would do if he found him if he left was enough to make his chest tighten in fear.

His grandfather was already abusive when he didn’t listen, he couldn’t even imagine what the man would do if he ran away. However, he was at a point where he was more than willing to risk bodily harm if it meant he could finally be free to be himself. He knew, deep down, that if this didn’t work out, he wouldn’t last long enough to finish his degree.

Taking a deep breath, he glanced towards his room door before opening a web browser. Having never done anything like this before, he had no real idea where to start. Despite having lived in this city for years, he didn’t know about any resources for people like him.

He cursed himself for not paying attention or reaching out when his university offered services for abuse victims. He hadn’t even cared enough to finish reading the announcement, stopping the second he saw the word abuse, so any resources that might have been provided were lost.

Staring at the blinking line in the search box, he sighed quietly as he tried to think of something to type. He was probably thinking too hard about it. He certainly wouldn’t get anywhere if he just kept thinking about it.

Letting out another sigh, Lavi finally moved his hands to the keyboard and hesitantly typed: resources for abuse victims. It was vague and, as expected, resulted in thousands of results.

A quick glance informed him that the first couple listed were within driving distance. Unfortunately, he couldn’t drive. Or, more accurately, wasn’t allowed to drive. He’d been given ‘permission’ to get his license, but had no car to drive, and he knew better than to ask if he could borrow his grandfather's for the day. Just thinking back to the last time was giving him a headache.

Which meant all of those options were simply out of the question. He wasn’t about to spend countless hours trying to convince someone to take him out there without telling them why he wanted to go.

Still, he figured it would be good to at least save them for later. If nothing else, he could contact one or two and talk to someone. If he ever got the courage to do so, that is.

He quickly created a new folder, named it something stupid like ‘songs for studying’, and saved each website that looked promising, making sure to name them something inconspicuous. Hopefully that would discourage the old man if he ever demanded to look at his laptop. Again. That had been embarrassing and a very bad week.

Shaking his head, he opened another tab, leaving the other one open for the moment. Hesitating again, he considered if he should really type in what he was thinking. The old man would really have his head if he ever saw it.

“Fuck it.” Lavi muttered to himself, typing it anyway. Once again, thousands of results were returned. He should have expected as much. If people felt the same way he did, there would logically be a large online community.

One downside he could immediately see to having this many results was that he had no idea where to start, or which ones were legit. He’d learned a long time ago that there were a lot of people who baited people in with things like this to harm them.

He would definitely need to look into each one before signing up to any of them. Fortunately, it was easy to eliminate some of them from the list, as they required a credit card to just create an account. Whoever thought that was a good idea needed a reality check, and an ass kicking.

Then there were the ones that were so badly designed, he had no idea where the option to even create an account was. So those were immediately thrown into the trash.

The next website he clicked on caught his attention, though. It looked nice, things were easy to locate, and there was a post on the front page that linked to a lot of online resources that didn’t rely on location.

Scrolling down, the next post was a list of rules. As he read through them, he was relieved to see that they were all pretty understandable, some of them even common sense. Or not so common, given that it needed to be stated. Sometimes he wondered how people could be so stupid online.

The next post appeared to be an introduction for a couple users. However, when he looked closer, he learned that these people were the ones who ran the website. LenaLady, a cute lesbian who just wanted to help people; CrownClown, a nice genderfluid guy who apparently helps his adoptive family run a shelter; there were a few more, but before he could read any further, he heard a car door slam.

Lavi knew he still had about a minute before the old man reached his room, but he immediately started panicking. He closed his browser, and turned the monitor off, grabbing the closest book he could find.

He flinches as the door opens, hoping that his grandfather hadn’t noticed. He can feel eyes on him as an awkward silence follows, but he refuses to look up.

“Why are you so tense?” Bookman snapped, tone unmistakably accusatory.

Placing his book down, he shrugged as he turned to face the man. “Just cramps...” he mumbled, hoping that it would be enough to placate him and prevent any more questions.

Bookman continued to squint at him, making him shift uncomfortably. Finally, he nodded, glancing around the room with a scowl. “Clean this up. Dinner should be ready in a few hours.”

Lavi nodded, flinching as the door was slammed when the man left.

He let out a sigh as he started to relax after a minute, looking around the room. It wasn’t that messy, in his opinion. There were books laying around from working on assignments, and the clothing he’d removed the night before. But other than that, it was relatively clean.

His eyes eventually landed on the bra resting on his bookshelf. Just looking at it made him hyper aware of the one he was currently wearing, causing him to scowl. He hated these things. All he wanted to do was tear it off and throw it in the trash. But that wasn’t possible.

It would be so much more painful for him to go without one than it was to wear one. He really wished he had something else to bind his chest with, but there was no way the old man would ever allow that.

He still remembered what happened the first time he’d ever brought it up; he’d never seen him that angry before. Bookman had never dismissed him so quickly before, insisting that he didn’t know what he was talking about, that he was just being ridiculous.

But Lavi knew that he wasn’t being ridiculous. He knew how he felt, and he wasn’t going to listen to someone telling him that he didn’t know his own feelings.

He really didn’t understand why Bookman was so against it, and it wasn’t like the old man was going to bother explaining it to him. He just knew that ever since, he’d gone out of his way to purposely use his birth name, use feminine pronouns, and introduce him to people as his “granddaughter” instead.

Every time it happened, it felt like a stake to his heart, but there wasn’t anything he could do. Any time he tried to speak up and correct the old man, it never ended well. He still had a bruise from last time.

He hated it. Which was how he’d ended up here. He wanted to leave; he needed to leave. He wouldn’t survive much longer if he didn’t.

Glancing back towards his door, he listened quietly to ensure that his grandfather was downstairs and wouldn’t return to tell him something else before turning back to his computer.

Turning the monitor back on, he opened his browser, relieved to see that all the tabs were still open. He didn’t even hesitate to return to the forum and begin the sign up process.

As soon as he was content with his profile, ensuring that it gave no real indication to who he was or where he lived, he began looking for a place to post.

It took a short time to relocate the forum designated for introductions, and he immediately opened a new post. Now he hesitated. He wanted to use his chosen name, but was worried people would judge him for it. Though it was either that or his birth name, and he shuddered just imagining these people calling him that.

Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he finally began typing.

Alright so, I’m new to this website, and have no real idea how these things work, but here goes nothing. I’m Lavi, I’m 22, currently enrolled in university, and recently came to the conclusion that I’m trans.

I know that might seem a bit weird, but I mean. What can you do? Sometimes it takes you 20 years to realize that you don’t want to be a girl anymore.

But anyway. I don’t really have any friends who know I’m trans, and my family isn’t the most supportive either, so. I figured ‘what the hell! it couldn’t hurt to check out an lgbt+ forum’.

So, I’m really hoping some of you are as nice as you seem, because I’m honestly desperate for some friends who accept me for who I am.

He scowled a little, knowing that seemed a bit harsh to his current friends. After all, Yuu had pretty much said “I don’t give a fuck what your gender is, you’re still annoying”, which was one of the nicest things he’d ever said to him, even if he didn’t realize it.

But having more than one friend was something he knew would help at least a little. It wasn’t like he hung with Yuu much outside of school anyway... Bookman was convinced that all he wanted was to get into his pants, and refused to listen no matter how many times he told him that Yuu already had a girlfriend.

So, all in all, his life really was as depressing and desperate as the post made him sound.

Sighing, he took another deep breath and hit post. Now it was too late to change his mind, so all he could do was wait for someone to respond.

It would probably take some time for someone to see it, so he minimized the browser and pushed himself up from his chair.

“May as well clean while I wait.” He muttered to himself, moving to pick up the clothing scattered about. He’d learned a long time ago that disobeying his grandfather’s orders meant suffering, and as much as wanted to leave the mess out of spite, the fear was much stronger.

Tossing the clothing into the hamper, he bent down to pick up the books and papers scattered around the floor. Just as he was stacking them into a pile, a loud ding came through the speakers of his computer, making him jump and freeze in place.

Heart racing, he turned his attention towards the door, expecting the old man to come stomping up the stairs any second. Fortunately, after a minute of kneeling there in silence, he let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

Quickly standing up, he placed the stack on his desk and pulled up the browser again. Sure enough, there was a small red ‘1’ hovering over the envelope icon.

Adjusting the volume on his computer so that it wasn’t so loud, he clicked the icon to see the message.

As expected, it was a comment from someone. What he wasn’t expecting was to see that the username was one he recognized from the front page.

He took a deep breath before clicking on it, really hoping they were as nice as their introduction sounded.

Hey there Lavi! It’s nice to meet you. I’m LenaLady but you can call me Lena. I’m so glad that you decided to reach out, I know how hard it can be. But I promise, you’re more than welcome here, and we will never judge you.

However, I do have some questions for you. I know they might be hard to answer, and you don’t have to answer if you’re not comfortable, but I am concerned.

You mentioned your family being unsupportive. I’d really like to know more about that. In what way are they unsupportive? Do they just not use the correct name or pronouns? Or is it worse than that?

Again, you don’t have to answer! I just want to make sure you’re safe.

By the time he finished reading, Lavi felt like he was about to burst into tears. All he’d done was introduce himself, but the response was so full of kindness and concern that it was overwhelming.

Smiling to himself, he clicked the reply button, unsure if he was going to answer her questions honestly. But he knew, deep down, that this had been the right choice, and he couldn’t wait to see where it went.

#dgm #lavi #wip week #not gonna tag any other characters just yet since they don't matter lmao #{ PERSONAL } Writing #look i'm actually writing more than just drabbles for once lmao

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hydrus · 4 years

Text

Version 426

youtube

windows

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macOS

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linux

tar.gz

I had a great week. I mostly fixed and cleaned things.

downloaders from the future

It seems gelbooru changed their markup recently, and our default downloader stopped pulling tags, at least for some. A user helpfully created an update--which is rolled into today's release if you missed it--but unfortunately users who were running older clients ran into an unusual versioning bug. The updated downloader would only work correctly on above v422 or so, leading older clients to get a variety of annoying errors about 'md5', 'hex' or 'additional_info' when either booting or trying to inspect the broken object.

I have fixed the problem here. Anyone who recently imported a 'downloader from the future' should have it fixed today. Furthermore, the various ways you import downloaders now try to check against versions your current client can support, and if they are too advanced, you now get a nice non-spammy popup message and the too-complex objects are discarded from the import. If the advanced object is buried deeper inside the downloader, it may not be able to discard neatly yet, and you will just get a 'soft' popup message about it, but I hope to tighten this up in future.

This version checking is also applied more softly across the whole program. It is less likely that one of your internal objects will be from the 'future', but the client will now make a popup if this is so. Please let me know if you get a whole bunch of these. With luck, this is ultimately a rare problem and I can toughen up this error and actually stop clients from running if their objects ever turn invalid.

I also fixed up error recovery in the downloader system UI and multi-column lists across the program. When some borked object enters them, they now try to show an appropriate 'cannot render' style text, rather than raising an error.

the rest

I also updated the gelbooru pools downloader. Some users get different pool 'gallery' markup from the site, we are not sure why, but it should be fixed now.

Last week's network object breakup went well overall. There was one unfortunate but harmless error popup that could appear on client shutdown, typically when certain websites had downloads start in the last five minutes of the program, which I have fixed.

Also fixed is the new fast tag search sometimes dropping subtag results. If you noticed that 'samus aran' was not appearing in results, even though 'character:samus aran' existed and could appear in a 'character:anything' query, this is now fixed. Thank you to the users who reported on this and helped me figure it out. A new maintenance routine will run on update to fill in any gaps that may have appeared for you. It shouldn't take more than a minute, even if you sync with the PTR.

I added a new 'profile' mode to the help->debug menu, 'callto profile mode'. This one tracks mostly UI-level jobs that work in the background. If I have been talking to you recently about heavy downloaders or similar making the UI juddery, please give it a go and send me the profile logs as usual. Also, profiles in general should be less spammy with the popups.

The 'bandwidth used this session' section of the main window's status bar is now more accurate. In certain cases, after a delay, it could report bandwidth used in a session in the hours or days before boot, but now it is exclusive to this session. The difference here is usually not noticeable, but if you restarted a client after pausing all network traffic and then left it open for three hours, it could be confusing!

full list

misc:

thanks to help from Codexx at 8chan.moe, the old 8kun board is completely migrated and archived at 8chan.moe /hydrus/. going forward I will be maintaining a Hydrus Network General there on /t/ for merged release posts, Q&A, and Bug Reports. the plan is that whenever it fills up, it will be moved to the /hydrus/ archive. the links across the program and help are updated, please let me know if I missed any. Endchan /hydrus/ remains as a bunker

fixed a bug where subtag entries in the new tag fast search cache were being deleted for all namespaces when a single namespaced version was went to count 0. it meant some autocomplete results were not appearing, often after some sibling changes. a new 'repopulate' job has been added to the database regenerate menu to fix this efficiently if something like it happens again. this routine will be run on update to fix all users, it shouldn't take long (issue #785)

fixed a bug where the new network objects would throw an error on save when a 'dirty' object was quickly deleted. I think this was typically sessions that only have ephemeral session cookies being created in the final five minutes of the program and then being cleared during program exit

when an archive/delete filter finishes, it now fires off all its changes in one go. previously they would go in ~64-file chunks over the next few hundred milliseconds. this will add a small amount of 'refresh lag', delaying page refreshes etc..., on bigger filter jobs for some clients, but it will guarantee that if you hit F5 real quick after finishing filtering on a processing page with non-random sort, you won't see the same files again at the top, only for them to be swiftly archived/deleted as you watch. trash file performance is much better these days, let me know how this goes for you if you do megafilters

the tag import options whitelist now checks subtags of parsed tags. if you add 'samus aran' to the whitelist, but the site delivers 'character:samus aran', this now passes the whitelist

thanks to a user's submission, the gelbooru 0.2.5 post parser is updated and should get tags again, for those users who stopped getting them last week--however, I never experienced this myself, so please let me know if you still have trouble. there could be something more complicated going on here

updated the gelbooru 0.2.x gallery parser to handle an alternate form of gelbooru pools--we did not figure out why different users are being given different markup, it wasn't as simple as being logged in or not, but there is a difference for some. this parser is folded in on update, so the gelb pool downloader should be fixed for users who had trouble with it

also updated the gelbooru pool gallery url class to infer next page url, as in the alternate form the next page is difficult to parse

the 'clear all closed pages' command under the 'undo' menu now asks for yes/no confirmation

added a 'callto' profile mode, which will be very useful in diagnosing GPU lag in future. the 'callto' jobs are little off-main-thread things like image rendering and async panel preparation. should help us figure out where big download pages etc... are eating up CPU

the different profile modes in the debug menu now all show popup messages, but only when their job exceeds the particular profile's interesting time, usually 3-20ms. this should reduce spam

the 'this session' bandwidth tracker on the status bar is now a special tracker that only includes data from boot. previously, it was using the 'global' tracker, which after certain time intervals (four minutes, three hours, three days), will compress bandwidth history into larger time windows to save space. if one of these windows covered time before the client started, it could spookily report a little bandwidth used on a client started with network traffic paused

bandwidth data usage in times shorter than the last ten seconds (which are smoothed out to avoid bumps) now also get the 'don't get bandwidth from the future on motherboards that had a briefly crazy system clock' fix from last week

fixed some disengaged database tuning that was leading to worse cancel times on certain jobs

updated a whole bunch of the help so section headings are links with nice #fragment/anchor ids, making it easy to link other users to a particular section. I will continue this work, and future help will follow this new format

fixed some bad character encodings in the changelog document, siblings help, and tagging schema help. these should now be utf-8 valid

object load improvements:

the client now detects serialisable (saveable) objects that were generated in a future version format your client does not yet support. this mostly affects downloader objects like parsers, where you might import an object a user in a much newer version of the client made. for instance, this week some users imported a fixed gelbooru parser in an older client, which was then saved and double-updated later on, and that caused other problems down the line. downloader imports deal with this situation cleanly, but otherwise it mostly makes a popup notifying you of the problem and asking to contact me. there are about 170 places in the program where objects are deserialised and I am not ready to make this a fullblown error until I know more about people's IRL situations. let's hope this is not widespread. if you run into this, please let me know!

if you were running an older client and manually imported the updated gelbooru parser that was going around, and then you got errors about 'md5', hex' or 'additional_info' something, it _should_ be automatically fixed on update. you should be able to update from previous to ~422, see it in network->downloader components->manage parsers, and it should just work. many users will have the entry overwritten anyway in the above gelb update I am rolling in. if any of this does still give you trouble, please delete and re-import the affected object(s)

importing one of these future-versioned serialised objects using the import/export buttons on a multi-column list, either clipboard, json, or png, will cleanly discard future objects with a non-spammy notification

the Lain drag-and-drop easy downloader import does the same

the parser 'show what this can parse in nice text' routine now fails gracefully

multi-column lists now handle a situation where either the display or sort data for a row cannot be generated. a single error popup per list will be generated so as not to spam, bad sorts will be put at the top, and 'unable to render' will occupy all display cells

network server stuff

fixed being able to delete an account type in the server admin menu

the way accounts are checked for permissions serverside now works how the client api does it, unified into a neater system that checks before the job starts

did some misc server code cleanup, and clientside, prepped for restoring account modification and future improvements

next week

I started on the network updates this week. I will be cleaning more server code and reworking my ancient unit tests, and getting some older admin commands that were 'temporarily' turned off working again. I'll also continue reformatting the help to make sure all the headers have #fragment links, to help external linking to specific sections.

#release

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ineverhadmyinternetphase · 7 years

Text

In My Way - Chapter 21

AO3 link, First Chapter

Genre: Chaptered. Actor!Dan AU, fluff, bit of angst, slow burn, getting together (eventually)

Summary: Fiction. Daniel Howell is 21 and Britain’s newest star. He’s just been cast in the much-anticipated film adaption of Last Man Standing, the popular teen fantasy novel with a huge fanbase hanging off his every tweet. In other words, Dan has made it big.

Phil Lester couldn’t care less. He’s a stressed out PHD student working part time at a bookshop while he struggles to get into post-production. He’s 26 and still lives in a tiny flat on the fifth floor of a building with a lift more broken than it is in use. He loves books, but he thinks big film adaptions screw with the plot too much.

Needless to say, Phil is less than impressed when Last Man Standing is getting filmed in his hometown. And he certainly doesn’t want anything to do with obnoxious, arrogant, so irritatingly perfect leading actor Daniel Howell.

Warnings: Swearing, Ace!Phil, Bi!Dan, slight a- and bi-phobia, discussions of sexuality

Word Count: 5000-6000 per chapter (ish)

A/N: Warning for this chapter: there is some discussion of being outed without consent, and also discussions surrounding coming out to the public in general. Proceed with caution if this is a sticky issue for you ^_^

Also, the wonderful nothingisbetterthanfood (on tumblr) is in the process of translating this fic into German! So if you want to read it in that language, the link is here: https://www.fanfiktion.de/s/58c6ff42000510f9f5cb7b4/1/In-My-Way and thank you so much for doing this, I am in awe that you would spend so much time translating a fanfic, I am so happy ^_^

And once again massive thanks once again to @mecaka for betaing this! You are an angel <3

—

Waking up next to Dan was another of the best experiences of Phil’s life. He’d forgotten how comfortable it was, having another warm body to cuddle up to under the sheets, someone else’s scent in the air, someone else’s arms around him. Phil kept his eyes closed with a happy sigh and snuffled his face into the warm material in front of him.

There was a soft squawk from somewhere above his head. “Do you mind?”

“Mrrh,” Phil made a non-committal noise back, keeping his face pressed in the warm loveliness before him. He wasn’t in his own bed, he knew that from the soft luxury of the sheets, much better than his scratchy old Ikea bedspread. Which meant he wasn’t in his city, because Dan was here, and Phil should probably be a lot more freaked out by that than he was.

When had it become normal for Dan to be in his space? All those months in Manchester, sure, but – but this time apart, it had felt never-ending. Phil hadn’t been sure he’d ever ease back into the comfort he’d had with Dan before.

If the way Dan was poking at him and telling him to shift because his arm was going numb was anything to go by, though, Phil thought they were pretty ok.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, lifting his face reluctantly off its place in Dan’s shoulder and blinking blearily at him. “Comfy.”

“Are you,” Dan grumbled, curls rumpled and dimple deep. “Well, I wasn’t.”

“Be quiet, of course you were.” Phil reached out to press his fingers into the blurry lines of Dan’s cheek, feeling the dimple give beneath his touch. He grinned. “You’re the happiest because I’m here, lighting up your life, as ever.”

“You’re fucking insufferable.” Dan huffed, rolling away from Phil to face the other way. Phil made a distressed noise and moved after him, tugging at his arm, but Dan resisted with a low chuckle. “No, no cuddles for rude old men.”

“Excuse you.” Phil had managed to wrangle his way under Dan’s arm, cuddled back up to his side. “You brought me all the way down from Manchester specifically for cuddles, so. Might want to backtrack there.”

“Might I?” Dan turned his face to see Phil, biting back a smile. He leaned in to press a kiss to Phil’s forehead. “Maybe, then. If you behave.”

“I always behave.” Phil slung his own arm around Dan’s waist, drawing him closer until they were pressed as close together as they physically could be, among the bedsheets and their pyjamas and the warmth trapped between them.

They stayed like that, cuddled up together, and Phil closed his eyes again. He’d be quite content never to move, actually, but then Dan went and started shuffling about, disturbing him. Phil grumbled, cracking open one eye, and let out a defeated sigh when he saw that Dan had, of course, reached for his phone. “You can’t leave that alone and pay attention to me for five minutes?”

“Have to check on our adoring fans,” Dan answered with a cheeky wink.

Phil shoved him, and then determinedly closed his eyes and pressed his face back into whichever soft part of Dan he could reach.

He knew something was wrong the minute Dan started tensing up. With a frown,all seriousness recovered, Phil opened his eyes and turned his face up to see Dan staring at his phone screen, his face as white as the pillowcase next to him.

Phil propped himself up carefully. “What happened?”

Dan blinked, looking up to meet Phil’s gaze dead-on. There was something close to panic in his eyes, hiding behind his usual mask that Phil was still learning to look behind. Without a word, Dan turned his phone screen, and Phil took it off him, squinting without his glasses.

It was Dan’s twitter, open on an image from – an article? Or something – but the image was laid out in plain sight, of Phil and Dan walking back from the train station yesterday, hand-in-hand.

Phil’s breath caught in his throat.

He only caught sight of a few of the squealing replies on Twitter, but it was enough to tell him the news had already spread. Whatever report this was from, it must have been picked up by Dan’s followers, must already be everywhere

Who had even photographed them? Phil was sure he hadn’t seen anyone.

Suddenly, the brave-in-the-moment decision to hold Dan’s hand in public yesterday didn’t seem like quite such a good idea.

“Yeah,” Dan whispered, looking at Phil’s expression in the glimpses of sunlight coming through his partially opened curtains. “Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel.”

Phil blinked. He shook his head a bit, thoughts swirling, and then shoved the phone back at Dan. He didn’t want to look at that image anymore. Not that seeing Dan next to him was bad, it was more that – it wasn’t from their perspective. Some outsider had seen this, and now – now, speculation was going to be everywhere.

Phil hadn’t even told his mum yet. What if she saw this? What was she going to think?

Dan took the phone back from Phil, his face drained of all colour as he looked at the screen. Phil watched him, feeling distant, almost far away as Dan just stared, and the silence between them grew heavier and heavier.

“It’s from an article,” Dan finally broke the silence, his tone harsh from trying not to let it shake. “Newspaper. I should have known it couldn’t last long.”

Phil’s throat was dry. A newspaper – a picture of them, together, in a newspaper, and neither of them were at all prepared for this. This was another huge step, a giant one, and one that should have been taken with a lot of prior thought and discussion. But they’d never even talked about going public, not really, not beyond the fact that neither of them was ready to tell everyone openly that they were together.

Why did this have to happen now? On the one weekend Phil finally had Dan back in his arms, and not just in pixelated form?

“Looks like it’s spread to other websites, too,” Dan added, “all across the internet. I can attempt some damage control, but sometimes with these things, it’s better to leave them quiet. I can privately request to get the photos taken down, I suppose…”

Phil let Dan’s ramble trail off into background noise. It was important, of course, but just then Phil was still desperately trying to get his head around what had happened.

He and Dan hadn’t been ready to go public. Dan had said before he wasn’t ready, and Phil…

Phil hadn’t even told his mum yet.

He was jolted back to himself when Dan started moving. The bed shifted, the covers disappeared, and Phil made a displeased noise and reached out to grab for Dan.

His hand landed on Dan’s arm, where he tugged until Dan turned back to face him, one styled eyebrow arched. “Yes?”

“Where’re you going,” Phil mumbled, still a little hazy with sleep and the shock of it all.

“To fix this mess,” Dan answered dryly. “And fetch you some coffee, so you’re actually awake enough to talk about it.”

Phil blinked, then frowned. “I’m awake!”

“Yeah, no, you’re really not.” Dan patted him on the head, an oddly affectionate gesture, and then moved to get up. “I’ll be back. Don’t hurt yourself before I return.”

Phil made another disgruntled noise, but this time he let Dan go. Coffee sounded good, after all, and Dan knew as well as Phil did that he wouldn’t really be able to think until he’d had his first mug of the day.

It was just, without Dan, the roaring in Phil’s head got louder. The worry, the concern, and the not-quite-a-freak-out-yet raucous grew and grew until it was rattling inside his skull, a constant reminder that there was a public image of him and Dan in a very-much-non-platonic setting.

Unless holding hands could ever count as platonic? It could, surely, but… but the newspapers wouldn’t see it that way. And neither would their readers. The idea of a faceless mass of people out there all judging his and Dan’s appearance and relationship had the noise in Phil’s head tipping over to definite freak-out mode.

By the time Dan came back, he found Phil buried down in the blankets with his head under the pillow, making muffled screeching noises. Dan just stood and watched him for a moment, two mugs in hand, before he grinned and said, “Same.”

Phil jumped. He turned his head, the sheets twisted around his legs, and made a muffled noise again. He saw the mugs and made grabby hands.

Dan chuckled, but he handed the one with coffee in it over. Phil practically inhaled it, which just made Dan laugh again as he perched himself down on his side of the bed. And that was still a weird thought – his side of the bed. Because someone else belonged in the other side, now.

Dan wondered if it would be any more difficult to be here after Phil left, once the memory of him in this room was fixed.

He sipped at his hot chocolate and then set it down on his bedside table, watching as Phil wrapped long fingers around his own mug. Phil was determinedly not looking at him.

Dan bit his lip. “How much are you freaking out about this right now?”

Phil finally glanced over at him, eyes a bit wild.

Dan’s lips twitched. “Like, give me a percentage to work with here.”

Phil squeaked. “Um. Probably – somewhere around the 85% mark.”

“Ok.” Dan scooted closer, started to rub small circles into Phil’s back. It made Phil relax against him, if slowly, and he let Phil lean into his side, liked the feeling of him there. “Ok, so. It’s happened, whether we like it or not.”

Phil drew in a shuddering breath.

“We just have to figure out how we’re going to react.” Dan’s voice was soothing, he hoped. It was easy to flip back into business mode, to remember how he acted when he was in public rather than at home, or with Phil. He had to be on guard again.

Phil glanced up at him from where his head was resting on Dan’s shoulder. “Do we have to react?”

“Not necessarily.” Dan shrugged. “I tend to think – sometimes, with these things, we could just ignore it and let people assume what they want.”

Phil nodded slowly. “But?”

“But,” Dan continued, “I also think things have a habit of exploding if I ignore them.”

A small smile flitted briefly over Phil’s face. “Why does that not surprise me?”

“Shush,” Dan nudged him, but the motion was affectionate. He sighed, pressing his face into Phil’s hair, just breathing him in for a moment. It calmed him; grounded him. Reminded him that Phil was still right here, with him, and that was the most important thing.

“What are the other options?” Phil coaxed gently after a moment.

Dan bit his lip. He’d been thinking, his mind racing ever since he first saw the article. Anger had been his first response, and fear, but then – but then he’d also been somewhat weirdly relieved. If it meant he never had to hide Phil again or avoid talking about him when being asked awkward questions, then it couldn’t be wholly bad. Or, more enticingly, never having to answer ridiculous questions about when his next girlfriend was going to show up.

That thought was appealing, Dan couldn’t deny it.

But that also came with so many problems. If Dan didn’t outright deny the article, then people would be assuming things left right and centre. It would probably be the only thing Dan was asked about, and that wasn’t exactly ideal, what with the premiere coming up. That was what Dan wanted to be focusing on right now, that and only that. He didn’t want to have to deal with this speculation, too.

So then there was the other option – not to deny it, not to ignore it, but to… to simply confirm it. He could do it, it would be easy as anything to drop hints on Twitter about him and Phil being together, and he knew they already had a fanbase who would lap it up and quickly spread the news everywhere. It would be simple. And then there would be no more hiding, no more avoiding questions, no more worrying every second that he was out in public with Phil.

But… that would also mean coming out. Something Dan had never thought he’d publically do.

And coming out with Phil. And would Phil even be ok with that?

Judging by the way he was freaking out… probably not.

“Dan?” Phil prompted again, turning to study his expression. He was warm against Dan’s side, eyes a little concerned. “Are the other options really that bad?”

“No, not really.” Dan sighed, then flopped back on the bed, pulling Phil down with him. “This just isn’t exactly how I’d planned for things to be.”

“Me neither.” Phil snorted a bit, clambering over Dan’s chest to meet his eyes. “But then, I never really expected to be dating a famous actor, either.”

Dan’s lips twitched. “Wasn’t in your life plan, huh?”

“Not exactly.” Phil laid his head down against Dan’s chest and closed his eyes, listening to the soft thud of Dan’s heart beating away. It would be easy, he thought, if they could just stay like this forever. Just the two of them in their own little world, distant from any kind of pressure that might exist out there.

They lay in muffled silence for a while, both dwelling on their own thoughts.

Dan was the first to pull them out of it, and he made Phil startle. “I mean, I could just come out.”

Phil jumped, flailing.

“Not if you weren’t comfortable with it.” Dan was talking as easily as if they were discussing the weather, but the way he was staring determinedly up at the ceiling betrayed his inner nerves. His face was a calm mask, but Phil knew him well enough by now to read the panic and fear that was hiding just behind his eyes.

Phil blinked at him.

“But I could,” Dan continued. “I mean, it’s possible.”

“Sure it is,” Phil answered slowly. “If that’s what you really wanted to do?”

Dan bit both his lips and tipped his head back against the pillow, eyes glued to a crack in the ceiling.

“Is it?” Phil pushed gently. “What you really want to do?”

Dan stayed silent for another moment before he pushed both hands against his face and groaned. “I don’t know, Phil. I honestly don’t know.”

Phil hovered. “You shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I know that,” Dan mumbled into his hands, “but I just don’t really want to keep hiding, either.”

Phil looked down at him, torn and a little bit scared.

If Dan didn’t want to hide anymore, did that mean… was Phil not enough for him after all?

But no. Dan had said before that Phil would always be enough, and Phil believed him. Everything they’d said and done for these past months had been about them figuring out how to be together, and Phil was absolutely positive they both were happiest when they were close. He’d just… not expected to be confronted with anything else, yet, and it petrified him.

“I don’t want to hide you anymore,” Dan was mumbling into his hands. “I hate not talking about you, dodging questions about you. Having to smile and laugh when someone asks me if I’m enjoying the single life, or when I’ll find a girl to settle down with.”

Phil’s heart froze. Well. At least that didn’t sound like Dan wanted to leave him.

“I just want to scream at them that it might be a boy, too,” Dan mumbled, and then finally spread his fingers to peek through them at Phil. “That it turned out to be a boy, I mean. That you exist.”

Despite himself, Phil found himself smiling.

“But,” Dan continued cautiously, “I’d only do this if you were ok with it. I don’t want you to feel like you’re being pressured into something you’re not ready for.”

As ever, Dan was there, caring for him. Putting Phil first. Always making sure Phil was comfortable. That made a surge of affection rise in Phil’s chest, swamping him

Phil reached out and cupped Dan’s cheek in his hand, thumb curving over where his dimple usually appeared. He leaned in close and brushed a careful kiss over Dan’s nose, then dipped down briefly to his lips.

“I think you should do what you want,” Phil told him softly when they pulled away. “Whatever would make you happiest.”

Dan looked up at him, all soft and open, and he looked so young. His curls were wild, fluffed up against the pillow, and he was all bony corners and open edges as he stared up at Phil. “Are you sure?”

“One hundred percent.” Phil kissed the tip of Dan’s nose again, smiling when it made him scrunch his face up. “If you’d be more comfortable not hiding this… then we shouldn’t hide it.”

Dan’s eyes widened a bit. “I’d still be pretty terrified. Coming out as bi – that isn’t always easy.”

“No, but you’d be a pillar of the community.” Phil grinned at him, leaning down to nuzzle back into his neck. “A proper role model.”

“I’m not sure I really want to be,” Dan mumbled as he wrapped his arms around Phil’s waist. “I just want to be happy. And with you.”

Something warm glowed in Phil’s chest again. He hid his smile against Dan’s neck, breathing him in. “Then let’s do that. Just be happy, and us. The world can think whatever they like.”

Dan wriggled against him, but it was a happy wriggle. He paused after a moment, though, running his fingers through Phil’s hair. “Are you sure, though? I mean – I wouldn’t mention you, not if you didn’t want, but…”

“It might be kind of obvious,” Phil finished for him with a low chuckle, “considering we’ve been photographed everywhere together. Holding hands in the latest one.”

Dan hid his smile in Phil’s hair. “Yeah.”

Phil blew out a sigh. He gave himself a moment to think about it, knowing this wasn’t a decision to rush into – not when he knew he was prone to freak outs and he still hadn’t even told his mum. But the idea of not having to hide – of watching Dan in interviews like the one earlier that week, only watching him talk about Phil, about them, no worries of hiding it – that was an appealing thought, Phil couldn’t deny it.

So maybe. Maybe… it was a possibility.

“There are people I’d want to tell on my own first,” Phil answered slowly. “My mum. PJ already knows, but – my friends. Lilith. My brother.”

“Of course.” Dan’s tone was tinged with held-back excitement.

“And I’m not quite sure what I’d tell them, either,” Phil continued. “I mean, I’m not bi like you, but – maybe that’s a bit much to try and explain?”

“We wouldn’t have to go into too much detail,” Dan murmured. “Just, I’d say I’m bi, and that you’re my boyfriend – or partner – or whatever word fits best. And leave it at that.”

Phil’s face scrunched up. “That would have them… assuming things, wouldn’t it?”

“Probably,” Dan admitted honestly. “I don’t quite know how I’d get them to stop. I mean, I’d explain wherever possible, but… I don’t know, Phil. Without you coming out, too, it would be hard to stop them.”

Phil mulled that over for a moment. He knew Dan was right – that there wasn’t really a way to control what people would think of them. That they’d be assuming the nature of his and Dan’s relationship was something physical, something that Phil really wasn’t comfortable with. And maybe one day, Phil would be ready to correct them, but for right now—

Right now, Dan was the important one. Dan’s comfort, and Dan’s happiness, and Phil thought this was the right thing for him to do.

“I’ll fix that as and when it occurs,” he murmured into Dan’s neck, groping about until he caught Dan’s hand in his own. “But until then – I think you should do this.”

Dan stared down at him, biting his lip. “You think so?”

“I do.” Phil nodded, then tilted his face up to meet Dan’s wide-eyed gaze. “I think you’ll be happier if you can be more of yourself out there.”

Dan gave him another long look before he nodded. A small smile broke across his face. “Yeah. I think you’re right.”

Phil smiled back at him and pulled him in closer.

A problem not exactly solved, but at least dealt with. For the moment. That warranted them another few hours’ cuddling in bed, in Phil’s book.

---

The premiere, they decided.

The premiere was when Dan would come out.

“It’s in two weeks’ time,” Dan was explaining as he brushed his teeth, Phil perched on the edge of the bathtub next to him. “That’s enough time to prepare myself. And I wouldn’t want to hijack all the promo for the film before then, either.”

“Is there much promo, then?” Phil asked from his rather precarious position. For as expansive as Dan and Tyler’s flat was, the bathroom was a little crammed, and he was squidged into the tiniest corner between the sink and the shower head. There really wasn’t much room to move.

Dan gave a muffled snort. “Yeah. The promo’s barely even started.”

“But you’ve done that interview,” Phil protested, “and other things, there was the magazine review…”

“But nothing with the full cast yet,” Dan reminded him gently, leaning over the sink to spit out the toothpaste. It should probably be gross. Phil wondered why it wasn’t. “And there’s still the trailer to come out, there’ll be a bunch more interviews before then.”

“Oh.” Phil sank down a little, wondering what that must feel like. Having your face plastered everywhere. Dan had talked about it a little, but mostly in sarcastic terms, making it hard to know what he really thought. But the Dan Phil knew was an introvert, and a lone one at that, so it was hard to imagine him enjoying any kind of social activity.

But thoughts of the trailer were good, too. He’d be itching to see this film regardless of whether or not he knew any of the cast, as Last Man Standing really was one of his favourite books, but he’d get to see Louise again, and all the other people Dan had been talking about. And Dan himself, of course.

As if reading his mind, Dan shot him an amused look. “Excited about seeing my face on a giant screen again?”

“Shut up,” Phil grumped, poking Dan’s side. “I know you’re looking forward to it, anyway.”

“Not really,” Dan disagreed lightly. He took Phil’s hand, tugging him back to the door.

Phil frowned, staying stubbornly in place. “Why not?”

Dan shifted, but he stayed put when it was obvious Phil wasn’t going anywhere soon. He made a face, but it was clearly meant to hide whatever was darkening his eyes a little, making him avoid Phil’s gaze.

That just made Phil look harder.

“I think I told you before,” Dan eventually relented. “I’m not really such a fan of seeing my face everywhere.”

Phil tilted his head. “How come?”

Dan shrugged, still avoiding Phil’s gaze. “It’s just weird.”

Phil bit his lip, ready to prod further, but then there was a new voice trilling somewhere from the kitchen, calling both of their names out loud (and with far too much enthusiasm for this time in the morning, in Phil’s view).

Dan smirked, sharing a resigned look with Phil. “Tyler.”

“Is he always like this?” Phil asked a little helplessly.

“What, so loud?” Dan grinned, nodding. “Unfortunately. C’mon, he’ll be in here with us if we take too long.”

Phil grumbled about it, but he let himself be pulled along regardless.

Breakfast was a happy affair. Tyler was eating some form of giant sweet American pancake, and there were enough for Dan and Phil to share. The sweet syrupy sticky mess was good, and it relaxed Phil enough that he actually started enjoying being around the two men, one whom he barely knew at all. Conversation was easy, especially with Dan and Tyler griping with each other over who’s turn it was to wash the dishes, or why Tyler had had to be the one to answer the door the past five times there was a parcel (usually Dan’s) arriving.

Seeing Dan in such a domestic session as this – it warmed Phil in a way he hadn’t quite expected. Like this was yet another side of Dan, one he’d only been able to glimpse at so far, in quiet relaxed moments curled up together in his flat in Manchester.

It struck Phil then how really very fast this had all been. He hadn’t even known Dan that long, but here he was, sat at his breakfast table in a city he didn’t know.

He wasn’t afraid, though. No, for the first time in a very long time, Phil actually felt quite safe in someone else’s company – like he wasn’t too weird for them, or too grumpy, or too out of place. He fit with Dan. Here or in Manchester, at work or at home, he fit with Dan, and that was something worth holding on to.

The fear from that morning still lingered, the thought of their photo being out in a newspaper was generally terrifying, but Phil still knew that what he had with Dan was worth risking almost everything for.

Half-way through the giant stack of pancakes, Tyler turned to Dan with a question. “So, have you started thinking about looks for the premiere yet?”

Dan blinked at him slowly. “Already?”

“Oh, no, Howell, we are not playing the last minute game again.” Tyler placed his cutlery down with an unnecessarily loud noise and proceeded to fix Dan with a sharp stare. “When are we going shopping?”

“I don’t need another new suit,” Dan groaned, but Tyler was already shaking his head with a scarily determined expression on his face.

Phil looked between them, amused. Tyler took a while to get used to, but the more time he spent in his company, the more he grew on Phil. Plus, he was rather exceptionally good at putting Dan in his place. Phil should probably start taking notes.

“Plus,” Tyler continued, “You need to think about who’s going to be your plus one this time. You know the tabloids are going to be scouting for you.”

Dan made a face, but Phil glanced over at him, curious. He knew from his early days of internet stalking Dan that the last premiere he’d been to had been with his last girlfriend, Susie, the one Phil had mistakenly thought was still with Dan before they sorted things out between them. From what Phil could gather, it was usual for a plus one to be a significant other.

Dan seemed to arrive at this conclusion at the same time, as he suddenly turned to Phil with a slightly wondering look.

Phil arched a brow. That expression on Dan worried him.

“Hey,” Dan said softly, tone hopeful.

Phil shook his head straight away. “No. Nope. No way in hell, Howell.”

“But it would be perfect!” Dan argued, his tone pitching up. “Think about it!”

“I am, and it’s a terrible idea.”

“But Tyler just said!” Dan pointed at where Tyler was sitting, now looking a little confused. “The tabloids will be scouting for me, it’s perfect!”

“That’s not how we agreed to do this,” Phil persisted weakly.

“But it would work.”

“I can’t do that, Dan, come on, look at me!”

“I am, and it would work.” Dan leaned closer, grabbing Phil’s hand under the table and staring at him beseechingly.

Phil narrowed his eyes. “I swear, if you start whining—”

“Would I ever,” Dan disagreed, to a snort from Phil. Dan pouted. “Come on, think about it. It would be the perfect time!”

“I really don’t think being gawped at by millions of reporters—”

“There are never millions—”

“Regardless, it’s just a really bad idea!” Phil’s eyes were wide.

Tyler looked between the two of them, surprise written all over his face. “Er – if you two could stop having conversations in code for one second?”

Dan and Phil kept eye contact for a moment longer, Dan pleading, Phil doing his damnedest to remain stubbornly negative.

Eventually, Dan broke, spinning to look at Tyler with a gusty sigh. “It would work. Bringing Phil as my plus one. Tell him.”

Tyler’s surprise only grew.

Phil shrank down into his seat, wishing for all the world to disappear into the floor.

“I thought you guys were keeping it quiet?” Tyler glanced at Dan, in particular, confusion in his tone. “You especially, you always told everyone to butt out?”

“I did,” Dan decided, glancing quickly at Phil before back to Tyler again. “But, well – have you checked the news this morning?”

Tyler looked more confused and fished out his phone. Phil watched with trepidation, knowing it would only take a few minutes of scrolling for Tyler to find what he and Dan had woken up to just a few hours ago – and Phil wasn’t entirely sure he was ready for the reaction.

Tyler made a soft noise in the back of his throat, dropping his phone in favour of staring back at Dan.

“Yeah,” Dan said wryly. “So, it’s maybe a little late to be keeping everything quiet.”

“Fucking paparazzi,” Tyler muttered, folding his arms and fixing Dan with a stern stare. “So you decided not to deny it?”

Dan shook his head, glancing over at Phil again. “I think I’ll be happier if I don’t have to hide myself anymore.”

Phil recognised his own sentiments in Dan’s words. He bit back a smile, looking up to find Dan staring at him softly. Despite himself, Phil’s stomach still jumped every time he got looked at like that.

“You’ve never said anything more sensible in your life.” Tyler broke out into a smile, and suddenly, some of the tension building up in Phil broke. He relaxed his shoulders with a soft exhale. If Tyler knew—and was happy about it—then maybe this was doable after all. Phil had no doubt that it was the right decision for Dan.

He didn’t, however, much like the look that Tyler directed his way seconds later. “So, we’d better think about getting him into a suit.”

“Exactly,” Dan said smugly.

Phil shot upright, eyes wide. “Hey, no, this is still a terrible idea.”

“Matching colours,” Tyler mused, glancing between the both of them. “Blue highlights, I think. It’ll bring out his eyes.”

“I said no—”

“Shopping trip next weekend?” Dan glanced over at Tyler questioningly.

“It’s still a little late,” Tyler grouched. “Only a week after that if you’re not happy.”

“Yeah, but Phil can only come down at weekends.”

“I said no!” Phil yelped. He squeezed a little desperately at Dan’s hand, staring at him. “You aren’t seriously considering this, are you?”

Dan squeezed back, leaning reassuringly into Phil’s side. “Not if you really don’t want to. But think about it – it’s the perfect time to tell everyone.”

“In front of all those cameras?” Phil’s voice squeaked. “All those people? Really?”

Dan’s thumb rubbed soothingly over the back of Phil’s hand. “It saves waiting for the story to spread. It’ll be like this amazing statement, this fact that like, I’m not who they always thought I was because I’ve got this amazing man by my side, and the theatrics of it when we get out of the car—”

“Of course you’d like that,” Phil muttered.

Dan stopped, sending Phil a small frown. “If you really don’t want to, then we won’t. We’ll find another way. But there will be questions if I turn up at the premiere alone, and I sure as fuck am not bringing anyone else.”

Despite himself, that warmed Phil a little.

“As things go, premieres are kinda safe,” Tyler chipped in. “The focus will all be on the film, you two’ll just be, like, an interesting by-line.”

Phil bit his lip.

“And when are you ever going to get the chance to go to a premiere again?” Dan pointed out, poking gently at Phil’s side. “PJ will be insanely jealous. Especially as you’re going with one of the main stars and all.”

Phil elbowed him, but he had to admit that the more he thought it through, the more the idea made sense. Logically, theoretically, at least. Practically, he was still quaking at even the thought.

“Dan,” Phil turned to him, eyes still a little wild. “I didn’t even make it through my graduation without falling over my own feet in front of everyone.”

“It wouldn’t matter,” Dan soothed.

Phil shook his head. “I’ll just embarrass you—”

“I don’t care.”

“—And you’re going to be there with all your peers—”

“Phil, I don’t care.”

“But it’s just me,” Phil said helplessly. “I’m not – I can’t go to a premiere.”

Dan shrugged with one shoulder, but his eyes were sparkling. “You can if we do this.”

Phil held his stare for a long, long moment, in which Dan kept rubbing his thumb over the back of Phil’s hand.

Finally, finally, Phil slumped down in his seat with a gusty sigh. He turned to Tyler. “Shopping next weekend, you said?”

Tyler’s eyes lit up, and Dan squeezed Phil’s fingers even tighter. “If you can get down here again.”

Phil glanced over at Dan, saw the hope in his eyes, the fear from this morning completely wiped out and replaced with something very close to excitement.

Phil couldn’t take that away from him. And this was Dan’s world. Phil would just have to trust him.

Turning back to Tyler, Phil gave a firm nod. “I can get down here again.”

Next chapter here

#phanfic #phanfiction #actor!Dan #ace!Phil #bi!Dan #iwritephanthings #inmyway

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lovehaswonangelnumbers · 5 years

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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/karmic-tools-weekly-forecast-july-21-27-2019/

Karmic Tools Weekly Forecast: July 21 – 27, 2019

By Kelly M. Beard

The video version of this forecast, as read by Kelly, is available here.

The Karmic Tools Weekly Forecast covers the current planetary transits which affect people in different ways and to various degrees of intensity. Take notice when it is a Personal planet (Sun / Moon / Mercury / Venus / Mars) interacting with a Social (Jupiter/Saturn) or Collective planet (Uranus / Neptune/Pluto). And pay extremely close attention when it is a Social planet interacting with a Collective planet because that means something *big* is brewing that will move large groups of people along their evolutionary paths. Tuning in to the energy and rhythm of the planets can serve as a useful *guide* as you move along your Individual Path. It also helps to understand your place within the context of the larger Social & Collective Story. Below, you will find out how these energies tend to manifest, as well as guidance and direction.

*NOTE* There are some days when there are NO CONTACTS (besides the Moon), please note that there are no missing entries, we just list the actual Activations of each week + the day they happen.

Weekly Forecast: July 21 – 27, 2019

7/21 ~ Venus (relationships & resources) ~oppose~ Pluto (purification & transformation):

Classic opposition: anything with Venus is usually softened, while anything with Pluto is always intensified, and the opposition automatically brings up the push-pull between these two. You are encouraged to tune into your own heart and then you can trust what is rising from your own depths. Also, any opposition gives you a look back at your starting point, which can reveal something that you may not be giving your Self credit for. Either way, this energy intensifies experiences where your relationships & resources are concerned. If you have focused on love, to the exclusion of money, then your finances will probably come up at this time for a rebalancing of sorts. If you’ve been focused on money, to the exclusion of family or supportive relationships, then that may be your focus. The bottom line is your true values are up for a certain kind of renewal & purification. What/Who is really, truly important to you? How do you spend your resources of time, energy & money? What/Who are your real priorities right now? Often, we operate completely unconsciously (Pluto), being driven by deeper forces than we fully understand. And periodically, we must allow them to come up/out so we can distill or release them so they become compost rather than toxic to our system. Since you may feel ‘compulsive’ in some way, you may as well use that energy to make a deeper commitment to getting to the root or source of any imbalance rather than let it take you away to feed some unidentifiable famine in your life. Often, this activation tends to make you uncontrollably drawn to someone you know is probably not good for you, and giving into such temptations often results in even more problems. It can provoke manipulation, jealousy, guilt and other negative emotions that always come when you are trying to maintain something that wasn’t meant to be in the first place. Again, don’t try to force YOUR will, it can only lead to a broken heart in the end. If you are already in an intense relationship, beware of subconscious impulses, hidden resentments, unexpressed anger and/or frustration. Expressing it at this time can be helpful if you present your concerns in a constructive way, however, you will have to be personally strong and vigilant in monitoring your own emotions in order to do that. Ultimately, if change needs to happen in your relationship, this can be the catalyst. This energy is only “bad” if you are unwilling to get to the real root or source of the given conflict. Otherwise, it is like a storm that cleanses & clears the air, making everything grow better.

7/21 ~ Mercury (communication & self-expression) ~conjunct~ Sun (core essential Self):

This energy will compel you to express yourself on many levels. Communication will be a focus, just make sure it is reciprocated. You will have access to some powerful energy that can (and probably will) make quite an impression on others (if you need to). This is a good time to travel if possible too. However, if not physically, then mentally and certainly within your own area because you will take in more information per square inch than usual. Pay attention! You may even gain the much-deserved recognition from others that you have worked so hard for.

7/24 ~ Mercury Rx (ideas, thoughts & concepts) ~conjunct~ Venus (values, priorities & resources):

This energy encourages you to see the Divine Order or the unifying theme running through the events of your life at this time ~ good, bad & indifferent as well as past, present & future. This is an initiation of new values around communication, self-expression and the value of your ideas. You may finally be able to express ideas that have been percolating in your head, which is sometimes saying “I love you” or articulating feelings in deeper, more expressive ways. It’s really *juicy* for your Inner Artist, this is the beginning of expressing your creative ideas in altogether new & different ways than ever before. Allow your Imagination to free-flow. Play with ideas with no attachment to outcome. Take advantage and explore all that this energy stirs within you, but don’t give in to over-thinking/processing things. These connections are richer, giving you access to deeper personal growth & development through a new understanding of how all the events of your life work together for good, ultimately. You can see the necessity of certain challenges and clearly see your own personal mastery thus far. Celebrate and choose to create some new thought patterns that integrate and reflect more beauty throughout your life.

7/25 ~ Mars (energy) ~trine~ Jupiter (enthusiasm):

This energy is generally positive as you are combining your energy & desires with an expansion of consciousness. It’s especially good for anything physical and bodes well for outcomes to any competition. You will be channeling more energy than usual so be sure to check in with your body and stay grounded. Jupiter often brings blessings that others may perceive as ‘luck’ but it is more of an alignment between inner & outer. Even if things are hazy or crazy, do your best to visualize success and put your Self in the picture ; -) You will have a great overall perspective of the “big picture” and can plan accordingly. The only caveat with this energy is to avoid being OVERLY confident where you feel invincible. Be confident but not cocky. This energy is very good for knowing what you need and being capable of making succinct decisions about the course which will get you there. Calculated risks are the name of the game!

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