#again i get phobias or traumas etc

[sage-nebula]

I can understand having a preference for one type of pet over another, for a wide variety of reasons (e.g. allergies, what goes in to taking care of them, your lifestyle, etc) but I'll never understand people who hate a certain type of pet. Like self-professed cat people who say they hate dogs, or vice versa. I've had dogs my entire life, and I consider myself a dog person, but I do like cats, too. Why wouldn't I? They're soft and cute and do funny things sometimes. Even when it comes to pets that I don't find as interesting, like fish, I don't hate them. And even ones I'm legitimately scared of, like tarantulas . . . again, I don't hate them, I'm just afraid of them, just like I'm afraid of all arachnids. It's an irrational fear, but it's one deeply ingrained in me nonetheless.

Anyway.

I just don't understand when people are like "I hate cats" or "I hate dogs" . . . how can you hate an entire species of animal? Being allergic or afraid, okay, I can understand that. Even if I don't understand being afraid because you've been attacked before (I have been severely bitten by dogs and severely scratched up by cats), I'm afraid of arachnids even though I can't remember the last time I had a spider bite, so you know, fears are fears, you can't control them. But hate? I just don't understand it, man. Hate an individual animal, sure. Just like humans, individual dogs or cats can have bad temperaments and behaviors. But a whole species? When most of the individual animals in those species are so easily befriended? It just makes no sense to me. Again, I get having a preference for one pet over another, especially if the needs of one animal suit your lifestyle while the needs of another don't. But to hate a whole species . . . I will never understand.

[jahayla-parker]

Stuck : Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 3.3k wc, y/n plans to stick it out with Kaz no matter how many times or how hard he tries to push her away. Hurt-comfort, slight angst-fluff, fluff

Warnings: typical SoC topics and warnings, including but not limited to; thievery, risk/danger, potential attack, touch-phobias, trauma, drinking, etc.

Y/n yawned and stretched her legs underneath the bar countertop. She rested her head on her palm with her elbow propped up on the counter. She desperately needed some sleep. The Crows’ latest heist didn’t go well; they hadn’t been able to get their hands on the item they were trying to steal. In addition, they’d also almost been captured after being discovered. As such, it has been a long night already. Not to mention, Kaz had been in a foul mood ever since.

Jesper ordered another drink from the bartender as he drunkenly placed his arm around y/n’s hunched shoulders. “I don’t get it,” he muttered, lazily shaking his head at her.

“Oh yeah? And what’s that, Jes?” Y/n questioned with slight amusement. Drunken Jesper always had thoughts that he just had to get off his chest. Usually they were incoherent, illogical, or simply hilarious. Despite her exhaustion, Y/n was therefore curious as to what the sharpshooter was going to say tonight.

“Why you put up with the Basssstard,” Jesper slurred.

Y/n squinted at Jesper in confusion. Sure, her boyfriend Kaz could be difficult at times, but that was true about everybody. She also didn’t understand why Jesper was bringing that up currently. It wasn’t Kaz’s fault the heist went sideways. So why was he commenting on Kaz?

Nina laughed affectionately. She was seated on y/n’s other side. She had noticed the confused expression on her friend’s face and decided to explain the reason behind Jesper’s drunk questioning. “You’ve been looking over at him to check on him since we got back,” Nina teased as she playfully rolled her eyes. “Even as you’re about to pass out on the bar top”.

Y/n’s eyes flickered down to the counter bashfully. “Oh,” she whispered shyly. She hadn’t realized she was doing that. Much less that she was doing it to the extent others noticed.

“Soooooo,” Jesper butted in, tugging y/n by her shoulder to his side.

Y/n bit her lip and shook her head at Jesper softly. “I'm with him. For better or for worse,” she declared tenderly. Her eyes floated over to Kaz after her whispered comment. She sighed as she watched him leave the club, anger still radiating off of him.

"It'll probably be worse,” Nina replied, earning a head nod from Jesper in agreement.

Y/n shrugged as she pushed herself up from the counter. She slipped out from under Jesper’s embrace. "I knew that the day I met him,” y/n shrugged. She knew Kaz had his struggles and that being with him wouldn’t be nearly as easy as a relationship with anyone else would be; but she didn’t care. Her heart belonged to The Bastard of the Barrel. And she wouldn’t change that for anything.

Y/n stifled another yawn as she slowly made her way out of The Crow Club and to The Slat. Though she wasn’t traveling far, she knew showing any kind of weakness, even so much as a yawn, could make her a target. It would show her tiredness which someone might mistake as a vulnerability that would make her easy prey. As such, when she felt the presence of someone near by, she halted in the middle of the dark street. She turned sharply on her heels to face the direction she’d sensed someone. As y/n’s eyes located The Wraith a few feet back, she sighed in relief. A kind smile formed on her lips as she took a few steps back towards The Crow Club in order to greet her friend.

Inej had been on the hunt for intel per Kaz’s request order after their unsuccessful heist. As such, she and y/n hadn’t seen each other since before things had gone wrong. Inej ignored the slight frustration at how Y/n had once again been able to detect her presence. She and Kaz were the only two who could somehow do that, and neither one would tell Inej how. Regardless of the slight irritation she felt, Inej was overwhelmingly pleased to see her friend.

Inej and Y/n shared a short embrace as they stepped to the side of the street so there weren’t stopped in the middle. “Headed home?” Inej asked, nodding towards The Slat.

Y/n nodded and placed a hand over her mouth, turning her head towards the brick wall beside her as she fought off another yawn. “How was intel?” She whispered as she turned back to Inej. Y/n chose to ignore the way Inej’s amused expression told her that Inej had caught onto her yawning.

“It was just a fluke,” Inej simplified.

Y/n sighed. “Lovely,” she responded sarcastically.

Inej nodded, “yeah, Kaz wasn’t pleased to hear that discovery.”

Y/n hummed quietly. “Understandable,” she whispered. She knew Kaz was already blaming himself for not seeing the chaos of tonight coming. Now that he’d been told there was no way to see it coming, one would think he’d relax some. But, y/n knew better. She knew it was only going to make Kaz more frustrated as he felt there was always a way to be prepared for things like this but hadn’t determined where the oversight was for tonight.

Inej nodded her head towards The Slat again in question. “Ready?”

“You headed there too?” Y/n asked.

“Yeah,” Inej smiled softly. “I just finished checking on the others, so now I can go rest”.

Y/n smiled and nodded. “And, by checked on.., you mean stared at them from out of sight as they encouraged Jesper to keep up his drunken antics?” She teased.

Inej laughed loudly, quickly covering her mouth with her hand as her laughter echoed in the street. She bashfully nodded with a casual shrug.

Y/n smiled at the Wraith’s admission. But, the grin left her face as she recalled Jesper’s insulting question his drunken episode had caused him to ask.

“What’d he do tonight?” Inej asked. It wasn’t hard for her to catch onto the shift in y/n’s emotions; she knew her friend too well by now.

Y/n sighed and shook her head. She silently resumed walking to The Slat. She wasn’t intending to complain about Jesper, it just frustrated her to think of his insinuations behind the question.

“You know I can find out for myself,” Inej smirked. She softly nudged Y/n as they walked away from The Crow Club.

Y/n chuckled lightly at Inej’s soft threat. She hummed as she nodded her head in acceptance. She sighed softly. “He was just annoyed with Kaz again,” she said vaguely.

Inej hummed. “And said something insulting, or something you found to be insulting at least?” She guessed

Y/n sighed and nodded.

Inej let y/n remain silent as to not push if she was not wanting to talk about it any more. After a few moments, she elected to offer a general statement of support. “You know, they’re like brothers, he likely didn’t mean whatever he said”.

Y/n shook her head. “He didn’t say anything,” she explained. “He was questioning me.”

“You?” Inej gasped lightly. “Over what?“ she asked protectively. As the girls stepped into The Slat, the Dregs paused and looked their way. Once the Dregs realized it was just them and not anyone from a rival gang, they resumed their conversations and rambunctious behaviors.

Y/n gazed up the stairs as a way of signaling towards Kaz’s room and office. She looked back at Inej to see if she’d caught on.

Inej sighed sympathetically and nodded. “He wonders why you chose him,” she interpreted vaguely so if any Dregs were listening they wouldn’t understand who the girls were talking about.

Y/n groaned and nodded as they reached the stairwell. “It’s not even his business,” she complained as she started up the stairs. She shook her head at her own attitude. “But, like.., it’s not even a choice, you know?” Y/n asked rhetorically as Inej followed one step behind her. “And even if it were, I’d still choose him.” She puffed her cheeks in exasperation. “I don’t know why that’s so hard to comprehend!”

“To be fair, Y/n,” Inej paused. She rested her hand on her friend’s arm. “He’s different with you.”

Y/n shook her head. She’d seen Kaz interact with the others for years before they even started dating. What was Inej talking about? She rolled her eyes and kept going up the stairs. She truly was in need of some sleep and everyone else clearly was as well as they were all talking nonsense. Kaz was rough on the outside, sure. But, he cared about all of his Crows and even his Dregs; more than they’d ever see.

“Y/n,” Inej sighed. She moved up a few steps and grabbed y/n’s hand to stop her. “We’ve both known him a long time,” she acknowledged. “You know him better, but I saw him before you came along,” Inej pointed out tenderly.

Y/n squinted in confusion. Where was this going?

Inej pulled y/n to the side, closer to her so she didn’t have to speak loudly. “When I first met Kaz…” she sighed and shook her head. She took a deep breath as she started again. “Since I met him, he carries more anger and pain than a thousand armies could ever bear. He was betrayed, deceived, hurt.” Inej sighed. “And while we all have been,” she acknowledged. “Believe me when I say he has already crossed Hell.” Inej saw the frustration and protectiveness bubbling up in Y/n. So, she continued. “And, the only time I saw peace in his eves was when he saw you,” Inej concluded.

Y/n faltered. Her mouth was slightly parted as she processed the statement. She knew she was something special to Kaz. But his source of peace? That seemed far fetched. Y/n wanted nothing more than to believe Inej. After all, that’s all she wanted for Kaz; for him to be happy and have some semblance of peace after all he’d gone through and done for others (even if he wouldn’t admit those things was done for that reason).

Inej smiled widely and tsked jokingly. “I don’t know how you don’t see it,” she teased her friend, “but it’s true.” “Regardless of whether we understand your reasoning for being with him, it’s clear that it’s good for him.” She rubbed y/n’s arm sweetly. “The only thing that matters is if it’s good for you too.” Inej already knew it was, but she wanted y/n to think it over.

“It is,” Y/n whispered. It was a hushed response as she was still in shock.

Inej nodded and smiled before marching up to where her room was.

Y/n smiled to herself as she followed Inej the rest of the way up in silence. In a slight daze, she went to her own room and changed into an undershirt and sweatpants instead of her standard tighter clothing she had on. She then smiled at herself in the dirty mirror briefly as Inej’s words of how Y/n benefited Kaz echoed in her mind.

Y/n paused briefly outside of Kaz’s door as she tried to compose her excitement over Inej’s statement. She knew Kaz was likely experiencing the opposite emotions after what had happened tonight. She smiled once more and licked her lips as she put on a stoic look before opening the door.

Kaz’s eyes shot up at Y/n as she entered his room. He watched her silently as she gave him a soft expression in greeting as she walked to the foot of his bed. His heart beat loudly as she casually picked up the stuffed crow Kaz had gotten her a few months ago.

Kaz remembered seeing the stuffed plush animal at the market a few weeks before he’d bought it. Y/n had pointed out how cute it was and joked about it possibly being a mini-Kaz if she got it and made it a small top hat. A few months ago, he sought it out when she was having nightmares and brought it up to his room. It was meant to help her have something to hold since Kaz himself couldn’t offer much solace in that that area. While he knew she cherished the tiny stuffed crow, the sight of it tonight made him angry.

Kaz had overheard Inej and Y/n talking as they made their way up the creaky wooden stairs of The Slat. He knew it was wrong, but that didn’t stop him from focusing in on their conversation as he drowned out the noises of the Dreg’s downstairs. In his defense, he wasn’t expecting to hear what he did. The heist tonight had gone wrong, and his girl and the rest of his Crows had almost been captured as a result. He had to know what Y/n and Inej were saying about it. He suspected he’d hear something he could use to confirm his own self-blame. He hadn’t been expecting to hear Y/n sound upset as she mentioned something about Jesper taking a shot at Kaz. But, it wasn’t too surprising as Kaz knew how undeservingly protective she was over him. What did surprise Dirtyhands, was hearing Inej’s statement of Y/n being his peace and how positive of an influence Y/n was on Kaz/ in his life. Kaz didn’t disagree. But, he hadn’t been ready to disclose such a vulnerability to anyone yet; not even to Y/n herself. Yet, evidently Inej noticed and took it upon herself to do so.

Kaz wasn’t angry that Inej said what she did. While at first, he thought he was, if he was honest with himself that anger was misplaced. He was actually mad at himself. He should’ve been the one to tell Y/n such sentiments. She deserved to hear it from him. Yet, even though she’d already heard it, Kaz knew he still wouldn’t be able to bring himself to say it out loud outright to her even now. He just wasn’t there yet.

The stuffed crow Y/n was presently snuggling as she sat crisscrossed on his bed was another sign of how far Kaz still had to go. Of how little positivity he could bring to y/n’s life. It wasn’t fair. He was taking and not giving. And even when he gave, he couldn’t give the way she deserved. He knew how she felt about him. But right now, that just made him feel like she was stuck with him. That she had to put up with his failures because of her feelings towards him.

“Kaz,” y/n mumured softly as she suppressed a gasp. She’d been watching him silently as he stared blankly at her, clearly deep in thought. However, the single tear that escaped his right eye and rolled down his cheek broke her silence.

Y/n’s voice pulled Kaz from his thoughts. He felt the dampness on his cheek and grimaced. He aggressively wiped his eye before looking down at his desk. “I need to work on the next heist,” Kaz stated firmly.

Y/n wanted to talk to Kaz about what was happening. She wanted to know what has caused him to tear up. But, she knew he already was on the defensive and trying to push him to talk wouldn’t get anywhere. “Okay,” y/n accepted, her tone light and casual.

Kaz gripped his pen tightly. “Alone,” he grumbled.

Y/n silently raised her eyebrows as she stared at him. Usually whenever he’d react in a way that was him trying to push her away, a simple look would get him to stop and adjust his behavior.

“Y/n,” Kaz groaned, looking over at her with a sharp expression.

Y/n mentally sighed; it wasn’t working tonight. Yet, despite the sharp expression Kaz donned, she could see the emotions swirling in his eyes. He wasn’t mad, he was deflecting and trying to put up a wall to keep his distance. “Yes?” Y/n questioned, her tone innocent.

Kaz sighed. He looked away, unable to say what he needed to say while looking at y/N’s face. “Go away”.

“No,” y/n replied casually. Her fingers stroked the fuzz on the stuffed animal crow in her hands as she watched Kaz.

“Y/n,” Kaz groaned, looking up from his desk again. “That was an order,” he said, less resistant this time given her unexpected response.

Y/n nodded in acknowledgment. “One which I’m going to ignore.”

“Excuse me?” Kaz squinted narrowly. He loudly set his pen down as he stared at y/n.

Y/n propped the stuffed crow up against the wall beside Kaz’s bed. “Kaz, you can try and push me away all you want, but I’m not going anywhere,” she stated as she turned her gaze back to him. “You’re only doing this because you let yourself be slightly vulnerable just now.”

When Kaz said nothing in response, y/n sighed. “I don’t know the details of why…,” she admitted. “But, there’s nothing wrong with things impacting you, Kaz.”

“I’m fine,” Kaz argued defensively.

Y/n huffed. “You’re keeping something from me,” she rebutted.

“Let it go y/l/n,” Kaz ordered.

Y/n hummed and stood up. She walked slowly over to Kaz’s desk. She set her hands down on the opposite edge of his desk as she stared down at him. “You realize there is nothing in this world that you can tell me, that'll ever make me hate, fear, or leave you,” y/n promised.

Kaz shook his head, his jaw tight.

Y/n sensed Kaz was about to argue, so she shrugged. “Sorry if it pisses you off Brekker,” she mused. “But, you're stuck with me, I’m afraid,” Y/n explained. “It's part of the whole friendship and relationship thing. Whatever you go, I go. So even if you try to push me away, I’m still going to be here."

Kaz groaned and rubbed his gloved hands over his face. “I'm not a good guy.” He sighed, lowering his hands back down to the table. “l'm not saying I don't want...this... us,” Kaz rambled vaguely. “And, no matter how defeated and unworthy I am, l'lI keep trying to get to the point I need to be at, to be the one who deserves you,” he vowed quietly. “But, l'm not there yet.”

“I never asked you to do that,” y/n pointed out, leaning forward on Kaz’s desk. “But, regardless, l'm staying with you throughout that. Even if you’re stuck in the mindset that you need to change, as incorrect and biased as that mindset is, I’m going to be there. You don’t need to push me away while you try to work on yourself.”

“I don't now that I'll ever be able to be perfect,” Kaz confessed. “But I’m willing to-,” he began.

“Perfect's never been my type,” y/n hummed, “I prefer morally gray”. She smirked at Kaz’s uncharacteristic blush. “Unless we’re talking looks, then yes, perfect is my type,” y/n flirted with a wink.

Kaz’s flushed cheeks darkened as his eyes widened slightly.

“Which, by the way,” y/n spoke softly. She wanted Kaz to understand that she was serious. “You've already met that detail,” y/n smirked.

“Zenik would disagree given my haircut,” Kaz joked. His knew his cheeks were still crimson, so he stared bashfully at the papers on his desk.

Y/n rolled her eyes. She knew Nina meant it as a playful insult. But, y/n also knew that Kaz’s trauma and correlated haphephobia were the reason for his haircut. He’d not been able to handle the sensation of someone cutting his hair so he’d do it on his own. “I think it looks great,” y/n reassured him, smiling even Kaz looked up from his desk. “But, if it bothers you, I could always don a pair of gloves and try to help,” She proposed. “If you'd like to try that sometime,” y/n added softly to reinforce it wasn’t something she felt she needed to do and that it was only offered for his own benefit.

“You'd do that?” Kaz questioned. His voice carried its usual gravelly nature but was otherwise light.

Y/n grinned as she sat down in the chair across from Kaz. She nodded. “I told you, you're stuck with me Brekker”.

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[genderkoolaid]

Okay so. I have a problem with this.

Not the statement that trans girls & women can and do experience real trauma from being closeted, that's very true & should absolutely be recognized. The closet can be traumatizing. I would say that it's true that it is straight/cis male privilege to be able to be "normal" in society without having the weight of internalized phobias & the fear of being outed. Growing up trans is very rarely straightforward or free of conflict, internal or external.

But that's not the extent of straight/cis male privilege. People can see you, assume you are straight or a cis man, and then treat you in ways you would not be treated if you were seen as queer. That doesn't negate the areas where you AREN'T benefiting from privilege. It's just that privilege is way more nuanced than "you got it or you don't."

There are, undoubtedly, situations in which a closeted trans girl got some kind of better treatment because she was perceived as a cis guy. But her resume getting preferential treatment because it has a male name on it doesn't mean she doesn't or will not experience transphobia, misogyny, trauma, etc. or that experiencing male privilege at Any Point Ever makes her a privileged male oppressor. That's radfem thinking.

Once again I am asking people to read the section On Male Privilege from The Transfeminist Manifesto which talks about this & why trans people don't have to have an all-or-nothing relationship with male privilege in order to be recognized as oppressed. We have to get out of this black and white thinking on privilege & recognize that marginalized people benefiting from it at certain times or in certain situations does not mean they are not oppressed. Privilege is a patchwork of experiences; the experiences of a cis straight gender conforming man are going to build to a different overall experience with male privilege than a GNC gay trans man. Our idea of & language for (what we currently call) privilege desperately needs an overhaul.

(Also, any trans group's experience cannot be reduced into a single narrative. There are transfems who have always been clocked as queer from a young age, and grew up painfully aware of their femininity & were punished for it. There are also transfems who weren't super feminine as a child, who grew up perceived as a normal cis boy, who may even feel that they were a boy and grew up into a girl/woman. Transfems don't need to have had a traumatizing childhood of being obviously feminine & harassed for it in order to not be a Male Oppressor. there's no Trans Trauma Quota you, an individual, need to fill to prove trans people are Really Oppressed)

[bbcphile]

Mysterious Lotus Casebook and Complex PTSD Representations: Part I

One of my favorite things about Mysterious Lotus Casebook is how surprisingly nuanced and unusual its portrayal of complex PTSD is. So many shows either introduce character trauma to make the character Sad and Brooding, Angry and Violent (if they’re a villain) or Hesitant to Start a Relationship (if it’s a romance), and that’s usually as in-depth as it gets. If they address the unique after effects of child abuse that lead to complex PTSD at all, it’s usually either explain why a character is a homicidal monster (which is all sorts of problematic) or it’s limited to a single phobia, which can be overcome by the Power of Love, or it’s just something that crops up occasionally for Plot and then forgotten about the rest of the time. 

Mysterious Lotus Casebook gives us two deeply traumatized characters–Li Lianhua and Di Feisheng–who each have clear symptoms of complex PTSD, and yet, their cPTSD manifests completely differently because of the types of traumas that caused it and their relationships to the people causing the traumas. And their manifestations of cPTSD affect just about every level of their being, including their sense of self, their decision-making, and their relationships with others, and it includes some of the incredibly important manifestations of cPTSD that are almost never shown in media while avoiding the most insulting stereotypes! 

PTSD vs cPTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by experiencing a single (or short lived) traumatic event (an accident, assault, medical emergency, fighting in a war, etc), where the symptoms last for longer than a month. Symptoms include things like reexperiencing the event (flashbacks), avoidance (of things related to the event), changes in mood (depression, anger, fear, etc), and issues with emotional regulation (hypervigilance–being constantly on the lookout for threats–irritability/angry outbursts, etc.).

Complex PTSD happens if someone has experienced long term, chronic/repeated trauma that induces hopelessness and no chance of escape (survivors of extended child abuse, human trafficking, domestic violence, prisoners of war, slavery, etc.). It’s also often interpersonal in ways a car crash or medical emergency is not, and is particularly linked with chronic trauma during childhood: chronic stress hormones introduce literal physical changes in a growing brain, particularly the amygdala (which processes fear), hippocampus (which is responsible for learning/memory), and the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for executive function), so it can affect every aspect of life and also affect a child’s progression through developmental stages. In addition to these physical changes to the brain, the prolonged trauma–particularly the helplessness–distorts a child’s sense of self, the perpetrator, and the world in ways that alter their decision making, their memory, and their future relationships. 

For instance, whereas a traumatic event that caused PTSD might make you depressed or not trust the person who harmed you (or to fear driving), the trauma from cPTSD might make you suicidal, blame yourself for your victimization, decide to isolate to avoid interpersonal relationships to keep from getting hurt, or become obsessed with never being harmed again.

Basically, cPTSD has the core symptoms from PTSD with some extra challenges, including issues with emotional regulation, self-concept, interruptions in consciousness, difficulties with relationships, perceptions of the perpetrator, and systems of meaning.

DFS and LLH: CPTSD Symptoms

There’s so much more to say about this than I can cover in this superficial introduction, so this will be the first of a series of metas; I’m hoping to go into more depth about some of these categories in future posts (the DFS and emotional regulation/violence one is already drafted, so stay tuned). 

Difficulties with Relationships (problems with trust, communication, missing red flags): Both DFS and LLH have a history of trusting the wrong people and not trusting the right people, both in the past and in the present of the show: in the past, LLH missed the fact that SGD hated him and DFS missed the fact that JLQ was obsessed with him, and as a result, both sects were destroyed, many people died, and the two almost destroyed each other. If they had communicated with each other instead of fighting at the donghai battle, they might have realized they were being set up and could have worked together, but their difficulties with trust after perceived betrayal made that impossible for them. They both have a history of overlooking red flags in the present–DFS in particular, keeping the red-flag-personified-JLQ around despite her history of poisoning people, including himself–and they both tend to struggle with relationships in the present: LLH runs away from and/or drugs the people who care about him, and DFS sends endless mixed messages by not telling Li Lianhua most of his plans to help him. 

Self-Concept (Self-hatred and self-fragmentation): Li Lianhua is basically the poster child for having a negative self concept: he has an overdeveloped sense of self-blame and responsibility, even believing he deserves to die for leading his men to their deaths, and once he learns he was manipulated and SGD was behind it all, he seems to think it’s his own fault that he was manipulated, lied to, and abused. His self-loathing is so extreme that he imagines his earlier self, Li Xiangyi, to have died, and tries as much as possible to be nothing like that earlier persona. His repeated insistence that Li Xiangyi and Li Lianhua are NOT the same person is reminiscent of the fragmentary sense of self that comes with more extreme trauma, like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Other-Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD), where traumatic experiences are so painful that people form different alters, or differentiated self-states, that can have different names and skills and memories and identities. 

Di Feisheng doesn’t have the self-hatred or guilt that LLH does, and it seems like he tries to skip over questions of self worth, blame, or hatred by focusing exclusively on staying true to his code of ethics he’s developed for himself and focusing on gaining the strength necessary to fight for his freedom from mind control and the Di Fortress. But even though he’s kept his Di name, kept his goals the same since escaping Di Fortress, and hasn’t tried to separate himself from his trauma the way LLH did with LXY, he’s even more willing than LLH to take on different identities: it’s literally one of his martial arts skills. The Bone Constriction Skill lets him become someone else for a time, whether that’s a child or Shi Hun. It fits well with his willingness to be whoever he needs to be to accomplish his goals: he’s perfectly willing to be seen as a heartless villain if it lets him protect LLH, and he’s willing to flirt with and pretend to be jealous of JLQ to get information from her, and he’s willing to be LLH’s a-Fei, both with and without his memories.

Interruptions in Consciousness (Amnesia and nightmares for Everyone): LLH and DFS both have nightmares and flashbacks/memories of traumatic events, and as mentioned above, both have interesting hints of having fragmented/fluid senses of self. They both also dissociate, or separate themselves from the present when dealing with traumatic things:  LLH spaces out and gets stuck in his past memories about SGD when talking to FDB after burying SGD, and DFS dissociates from physical pain so as not to make noise both after he’s been stabbed and poisoned with Wuxin Huai and again when JLQ is torturing him in her water dungeon.

They both also have dissociative amnesia that takes away trauma memories, although one is from a poisonous incense plus the magic of qi macgyvering:  LLH forgot the existence of his older brother who died in front of him, and DFS as a-Fei had just about all of his memories (except a few of killing as a child) taken away. Amnesia is a huge part of cPTSD, because it’s the brain’s way of trying to protect you from truths that you might not survive. It can manifest as blocking out one single traumatic event, a bunch of thematically or temporally linked traumatic events, a skill set related to the trauma, or, in the case of something like DID or OSDD, just about everything. It’s endlessly fascinating to me that the show gives us one example of definite traumatic amnesia through LLH, and then seems to almost transform the experience of having DID and being a new part and finding yourself with a new name and very little else into an exaggerated fantasy setting (interestingly, people often report experiencing debilitating headaches when they try to regain memories behind the amnesia barrier). I doubt this is what they were actually going for, since DID is almost universally portrayed incorrectly and offensively in media (one of the alters is almost always portrayed as a serial killer, but that’s a rant for another day), but the different names and the presence of amnesia with LLH made it a fascinating enough parallel that I had to mention it.

 Problems with Emotional Regulation (Lashing in vs. lashing out): Li Xiangyi and Di Feisheng are polar opposites when it comes to struggles with emotional regulation: whereas LXY turns his anger inward, directing it all toward self-hate in what’s often called a “toxic shame spiral,” both after the donghai battle and after he finds out about SGD’s role in his shifu’s death, DFS lashes out physically at those who have harmed him, usually via choking people, although he is usually exerting an impressive amount of control over his emotions and strength. To put in perspective just how different their emotional strategies are and how much effort DFS puts into emotional regulation, compare how much more calm he is than LLH during any revelation of past betrayal or painful information, any scene where they confront the people who have abused them, or any scene where they learn they’ve been wrong about something big; LLH is most likely having an emotional flashback (re-experiencing the emotions from the earlier traumas) and DFS is probably compartmentalizing them or dissociating from them to process later/never so he can stay semi-functional and not show a potential opponent a weak spot. 

NOTE: This means that DFS is loooong overdue for a very dramatic breakdown when it eventually all catches up to him and he can’t distract himself from it anymore.

Perceptions of Perpetrators: In this way only, Di Feisheng has one advantage: he knows the head of Di Fortress is a cruel, abusive tyrant. While he clearly still fears him, even as a physically strong adult (he has nightmares, flashbacks, and dedicates his life to being free from him, which means he still to some extent feels young, small, and helpless when he thinks of him), DFS knows that he hates him and wants to be free of him. This is probably part of why he’s spared some of the self-hatred LLH experiences: he knows he didn’t deserve the abuse because seeing it happen to other children means he knows the abuse wasn’t a personal reflection on him. It does, however, motivate him to want to be stronger and invulnerable so as to never be helpless again, and that obsession is what drives him to have a single-minded focus on reaching the pinnacle of the jianghu.  

It’s so much more complicated for Li Lianhua (and for a more detailed analysis, check out this meta): the childhood perpetrators were manifold–a slew of bandits, whichever children and adults on the street would abuse him for existing and being poor–it probably felt like life itself was to blame. It’s no wonder that when his shifu and shiniang took him in, they were the ultimate rescuers whom he hero-worshipped, so when he felt he made a mistake and his life fell apart, he blamed himself: at least there would be someone to blame that way and something he could do about it (try to kill his past self and hate everything about him). It’s also very telling that LLH doesn’t blame JLQ or YBQ all that much when he learns they poisoned him, and that he’s more angry that SGD murdered their shifu than he is that SGD set him up, hated him, and was the real mastermind behind everything he had blamed himself for; he struggles to stay angry at people who harm him, and would rather blame and hate himself for being tricked than hate the person who tricked him. So, whereas DFS tries to destroy the people who abused him, LLH tries to destroy himself.

If you read this far, thanks! I’m probably going to be posting the DFS and emotional regulation/violence against perpetrator meta next, because it’s drafted, but if there are any of these you desperately want me to talk about more sooner rather than later, let me know! :D 

[m4rs-ex3]

people always make silly little lists of characters' crimes which i love but i'm gonna do smth a lillllll different

tdp character trauma log 🫶✨

callum

lost his father at a Baby age (the perfect age actually; young enough to be very emotional and impressionable but old enough to have to process it)

was thrown into a drastically different + high-key terrifying environment at Baby Age

lost his mother--his comfort person, his only connection to his og life (besides amaya), and also just an amazing individual--leaving him alone in said environment

was constantly belittled for being bad at the thing he never asked to be

lost his stepfather aka his only parent left and experienced an array of regret over what he didn't do while harrow was alive

almost watched his little brother down/freeze to death

was betrayed by his childhood friend

endured a severe dark magic sickness + traumatizing fever dream

almost choked to death

watched his whole world jump off of the highest point in the world

almost died plummeting off of the highest point in the world

was abandoned by Love of His Life for several depressed years

was literally fucking possessed

was taxed with the decision between becoming a vessel for the most dangerous individual in the world to destroy everything and hurt everyone he loves OR essentially ending his life (a conclusion he himself had to come to)

was under the impression that Love of His Life was dead (and he never got to tell her what he wanted to)

almost died pt 3

almost died pt 4-5

bound and brutally beaten + electrocuted (?)

watched the most important person in the world to him mercilessly tortured within an inch of her life

almost lost her AGAIN and had to destroy his entire moral compass in order to save her

tortured

almost died 6: choked pt 2

rayla

where do i begin

well first off grew up in the silvergrove and hey moonshadow elves i love ya but oh dear god -promotes "strength" and stoicism over discussing your feelings and admitting to your weaknesses -so bound (literally) by duty and oaths that faltering results in either being good as dead or dead as dead -ETC

equipped with a debilitating phobia of water--a fear most would see as bizarre and silly and exceptionally irrational--in a culture that as previously mentioned shuns fear to all hell

was left by her parents and (despite them having a perfectly good reason) never really healed

almost drowned which was not helped by the phobia

almost ravaged by an ancient vampire

an ASSASSIN who has to KILL PEOPLE but is a WHOLESOME SWEETHEART

haunted by her "constant" mistakes; her strengths get wholly overshadowed by her weaknesses

told by the father figure she revered that she is a stupid baby useless idiot (roughly)

was flatly told by Father Figure he expected to kill her (to which she's just like "fr prolly" good god girl you are fucked)

had to not only sit and listen to, but conform to horrid stereotypes she's been haunted by since she was a kid

nearly slowly lost a hand (and just straight up accepted like ik this isn't the point but i feel the need to address when she does some insanely broken shit)

saw a person wither to dust before her eyes i feel like we forget about this

almost died like pt 4 ish i literally cannot keep track what counts and whats too minor a near death experience and why do i have to ask these questions

watched the love of her life (shut up harry styles) suffocate in his sleep in her arms

almost died pt 5-8 ?

i once again don't even know where to begin this time with her ghosting. linking this post again but tldr she didn't do anything wrong, she believed she did, her society not only confirmed these suspicions but god they pinned her with so much more, and she was told that actually no and what the fuck is she supposed to do with that u just told her everything she knows is wrong and that she actually has worth and she is not keen on that mindset

almost died 9? i include this one bc soulfangs are terrifying

cooly came to the conclusion that she deserved to die for her parents mistakes (and fully intended on doing so)

almost died jumping off the highest point in the world

suffered from persistent nightmares

almost drowned (the phobia once again did not help)

was nearly killed by the dead former co-workers she feels responsible for killing

forced herself to leave behind Love of Her Life and if you don't think that was the hardest fucking thing in the world for her

spent two, miserable years alone, getting beaten down again and again (mentally and physically,) plagued by her vendetta, haunted by all she lost, never knowing comfort, never knowing love, and probably so much worse that we don't even know woohoo!

thought that, after years of painful wondering, the parents she desperately wanted back were killed right in front of her

almost died pt who even fucking knows

almost died

almost died

almost died

almost died

almost died

was absolutely fucking brutally tortured (within an inch of her life) 😚✌🌸✨✨

almost died horrendously (she rlly couldnt catch a break that day)

had to choose between pushing her trauma to the absolute limit or hating herself for not protecting her friends

almost died

ez

motherless

couldn't make friends (for a reason no one would believe)

that's why yo [daddy] dead. dead as hell. what shoes [he] got on what shoes [he] got on in [his] casket

almost drowned/froze

had the pressure of surviving as an orphan ANDD being a fucking king forced upon him at the same time

felt responsible for thousands of lives

was imprisoned

was almost motherfucking impaled by scary adult

all that? yea he was like 10

therefore

grew up weird like his brother and rayla

probably almost died a lot of times

imprisoned again & was threatened and bared witness to his brother + his closest friend tortured (+ almost murdered)

almost murdered by someone he once trusted

prolly a lot more idk i was gonna include soren n claudia but i am so fucking exhausted THESE KIDS ARE SO FUCKED OML 😭😭

[feverdreamsanddelusions]

prompt ask game — bad caretaker

[tw bad caretaker, victim blaming, manipulation, conditioning, conditioned whumpee, abandonment, emotional whump, psychological whump]

25 scenarios and 25 dialogue prompts :)

scenarios

caretaker accidentally injures whumpee

caretaker accidentally triggers whumpee

caretaker loses their patience and snaps

caretaker forgets about whumpee

caretaker forgets about an important event/date

caretaker is overworked and whumpee is the last thing they want to be thinking about

caretaker purposely abandons whumpee because they're fed up

caretaker lashes out and ends up saying something very hurtful

caretaker purposely uses whumpee's conditioning against them

caretaker purposely triggers whumpee for whatever reason

caretaker is too rough when handling whumpee

caretaker has no idea how to communicate properly, they're so gruff and blunt to the point of rudeness

caretaker is friends with whumper and ends up believing whumper over whumpee

caretaker is victim blaming

caretaker is reluctant and constantly whining

caretaker perceives whumpee as a huge burden

caretaker feels like their life ended when they got tasked with caring for whumpee

caretaker gets too possessive/controlling over their charge

caretaker can't keep it consistent with the house rules

caretaker has their own issues so whumpee's sometimes get swept under the rug

caretaker x whumpee romance (gone wrong) (it's weird and toxic and dubcon-y)

caretaker can't cook and it ends up causing serious issues

caretaker has no idea how to take care of a sick person and makes it all worse

caretaker is too squeamish to take care of whumpee but they're the only one around

caretaker is trying to solve a medical issue with zero experince (stitches, splints etc.)

dialogue

"how can you be so ungrateful?"

"how do you think i feel?"

"i can't believe you can't even do that."

"look, i'm sorry, it's just... a lot."

"oh, here we go again."

"so now i'm the bad guy."

"i can't keep doing this anymore."

"you can't keep doing this anymore."

"you're being so difficult."

"can't you just give me a break for two seconds?"

"oh, fuck. you look like shit."

"if i have to hold you down, i will, and no amount of tears will convince me not to."

"stop crying already, fuck."

"i told you not to do that."

"one more sound and i swear i'll bring you back to whumper."

"you have to get over it at some point."

"yeah, yeah, i know, trauma this, trauma that..."

"you're such a victim."

"have you ever thought that maybe... it was kinda your fault?"

"do not go outside without me."

"what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"oh, you're really messed up/broken."

"i really can't do anything anymore, can i? it's all about you, you, you."

"it's just a fucking [object of phobia/irrational fear], stop being so childish."

"you know what? maybe you deserved it."

[shiftingpath]

Exalted Secret Santa, 15th Edition

Hello friends!

It's that time again; time to come together over the winter season to make some art of each other's amazing Exalted characters. If you're an artist in the Exalted fandom, here's what you'll need to participate:

1) A working tumblr account. RSVP to me in an ask, message, reply to this post, confirmation in the reblog tags, etc. so I will know to add you to the list. If you submit under a new handle but have participated before, or if your tumblr name has changed, please note the name of the account you will be posting with for the exchange. I like to make sure repeat participants get different assignments and gifts every year; if you have changed names please just remind me a little, so I can ensure you don't get paired with the same person twice.

2) Post a journal to tumblr by December 10th with the descriptions of the character you would like drawn. Include two or three if you have them to give the person drawing for you more options. Please provide all the physical and relevant details needed to draw the character, and provide a reference picture if at all possible. (A piece of your own art, a commission, a play-by picture, etc.)

Also, if you have any strong aversions or phobias that might be important for a stranger drawing your character, please note that in the journal. (For example: “Silent Vortex of the Storm’s left eye is brilliant white-blue like her anima, but her right eye is lost and that side of her face scarred badly. She always wears her eyepatch and a close-fitting hood. (I’d prefer not to see any graphic eye trauma.)”

Just try to make it as easy as possible for your gifter to draw your character!

Tag your journal with #exalted or #exalted secret santa so I can find it (or message me with a link). Once all the journals are up, I’ll make a post compiling the links to them all so they’re easy to find. I will also send you a message through asks or messages with the name of the person you are assigned to draw for. Please try to get your journal up by the 10th so your gifter will have plenty of time to draw for you.

2) Check your messages or ask box for your assignment. I will have this to you on December 11th if at all possible. Let me know if you’re planning to be unavailable for any major length of time just in case I need to get ahold of you for further details. If you have an emergency and cannot finish the trade in time (for example, your tablet or scanner breaks), let me know asap so I can arrange a replacement. Thank you!

3) Submit a piece of finished artwork by January 14th.  Please tag your submission with the secret santa tag and your giftee’s name if you wish, or I can notify them once it’s up. When all the gifts are posted, I’ll compile them into a single post so we can all get a good look at them.

Let me know by December 10th and I will have your assignments to you within 24 hours if at all possible. Feel free to message me at any time with any questions.

Sorry, I do not accept writing or mechanics submissions for this Secret Santa (though you are welcome to accompany your picture with some text, and of course welcome to host a writing exchange of your own!)

Happy Calibration,

-Path.

[bettathanyou]

I would love to hear more about your story idea where Cedric gets a snake familiar! How he got her, their relationship, her personality, etc. You mentioned some things, and I've been thinking about it a lot tbh.

Cedric, The Sorcerer; Rose, The Snake

Above GIF is what Rose looks like! She is a ball python!

Cedric was in his tower, doing royal sorcerer things, as he does

He hears from his balcony/window Sofia arguing with the guards and she sounded distressed

He sees her holding,,, something

Or rather, something is wrapped around her shoulders-

"OMG IS THAT A BLOODY FUCKIN SNAKE???" - Cedric, probably

He goes to investigate

Sofia says that Rose Got hurt because some kids were fucking with it for fun (because it's common that snakes are mistreated/killed just for being a snake)

He notices Rose has some skin missing and in general looks beat up

Rose is pretty much exactly like her name implies: sweet, beautiful, and full of love and affection

She's very encouraging of Cedric, very eager to help him fetch ingredients, and basically becomes his best friend! She's a great listener, sorta motherly in a sense, and also suffers from anxiety and depression like Cedric does (because of her trauma/isolation because people judge her for being a snake)

She also offers free pest control in Cedric's tower and pretty much the whole castle! Not one mouse or rat has been seen since Rose moved in....

Rose LOVES being on Cedric's shoulders and wrapping around his arm. She's a snake after all, and she needs warmth!

Cedric has since made sure his workshop gets PLENTY of sunlight since Rose was put under his care. The sunshine even helps Cedric feel good after getting used to it!

Cedric at first was hesitant to get close to rose. After wormys betrayal, he didn't think he could trust another familiar to get so close to him. If his lifelong former best friend could betray him, why not a snake? A figure that represents deceit and evil?

But rose proves Cedric wrong

She's eternally grateful for Cedric taking such good care of her. And she at first was terrified of him. Sofia had to sit with her while Cedric patched her up, she didn't want to be alone with him just yet :(( but she trusted Sofia, and if Sofia trusted Cedric, then rose would give him a chance

They both are distant to each other at first, but as rose recovers, she gets bored of just. Doing nothing. And she doesn't want to explore the castle and scare anyone, lest she get hurt again :((

So she watches Cedric work. Becomes familiar with a few things. And suddenly when Cedric needs an ingredient, rose is slithering to get it for him!

At first Cedric insisted she rest, but rose convinced him to let her help, "to return the kindness you gave me, Mr. Cedric"

Oh yeah Rose calls him "Mr. Cedric" for the few first days (despite Cedric's insistence she doesn't have to) because Sofia calls him that xD Rose is super polite!

Once Rose is rested up finally, she expressed fear of going back into the wild. Living in the castle was... Nice. And safe. And warm. And most importantly, she had friends 🥺

So Cedric brought up her becoming his familiar

At first, rose couldn't believe it! And she was hesitant because she wasn't sure how others would react to her being his familiar. She didn't want to cause Cedric any trouble by being associated with her :((

Cedric then replies "My dear, the last familiar I had was much more trouble than he was worth- but you? You're the friend and familiar I think I've always needed. If you want to humor me, that is?"

And that's history! Everyone needed some adjustments to Rose- after all, a fear of snakes is a common phobia. But the royal family learns to love her, and Rose learns to trust other humans as they show her love and compassion. And seeing Sofia hold her and Rose be so sweet makes the twins start to hold her too! Even amber comes around! James thought Rose was cool from day one though xD

Rose is also 5.5 feet long!

[runawaycarouselhorse]

Goodbye to Ash and Pikachu and all their friends and rivals and everyone we loved so much for so many years! It was a great ride and it was fun to see different takes and concepts and adventures. It was also wonderful to have a series that's realistic in that the main character tries and struggles and fails, teaching kids it's okay to lose, as long as you get back up and continue trying another day.

A show where most of the heroines can have their own journeys, rivals, goals--they're not cardboard cut-out love interests without lives of their own... where women can hold roles similar to the men (Pokemon Champions, regional Professors, etc.), not just relegated to one or two stereotypical roles, things SO many shounen anime aimed at an older audience fail to do.

Thank you for not shaming kids for crying, thank you for comforting and meaningful lyrics (Soko ni Sora ga Aru Kara, Te wo Tsunagou, Smile, etc.).

Thank you for beautiful stories of characters overcoming trauma and abuse, being saved from or escaping bad situations, and shown genuine love and friendship (Chimchar's storyline and especially the Tears for Fears episode, Larvitar's storyline too, even Tepig's story ending with Evolution by Fire), thank you for stories of kids with phobias and repressed memories and all the recovery stories (Lillie, Sophocles...), the episodes dealing with loss (Mallow's mother), and the characters who were traumatized and couldn't fully overcome those fears but still found their place in the world (the Nurse Joy who feared she would drown as a child in The Joy of Water Pokemon and James with his fear of marriage, where even the word "fiance" triggers flashbacks, not to mention the sound of a whip... but he still found a place of belonging with his friends from Team Rocket), kids who were bullied and ostracized in school (Iris, Regina) but found friendship later on...

What a great show!

I got into this show a bit late (after Pokemania ended, because I was too young when it came out to appreciate it, but I still loved and cried watching the first Pokemon movie and the one cassette I had with four episodes, including Todd Snap's first episode--I think that first Pokemon photographer is why I love taking pictures so much!), but I got into it just as I went through big changes (the divorce of my parents) and trauma of my own, so I got very, very attached to the Team Rocket trio (especially Jessie), as they all had such tragic backstories, but they weren't one-note tragic characters who could never find happiness.

Especially with how Jessie lost her mother very young, being put into foster care by her very poor mother, and spent years being shifted from home to home, every career she pursued ended in failure, until she joined the same gang her mother was in (I don't know if she ever knew that)... but she found true friendship even in a dark place like that.

I also loved Iris and how she had trouble opening up to others because of what she'd been through; she was also a tomboyish girl who loved nature and didn't mind getting dirty and fighting, but also loved pastels, bows, and dressing up!

I also loved Trip and how much he changed from the sweet and happy child he used to be, to someone jaded and cynical and convinced he's an adult (but he's still a child... I also didn't think I was a child anymore at 12), how disappointed he was by meeting his childhood hero again, but also how he began to question what he previously believed and became a better person, even if he'd always be a little distant and awkward and won't be that child again.

I loved and related to Lillie feeling sad when her friends spoke about their mothers, when she rarely saw hers, when she lagged behind the others because her mother wasn't around enough to teach her things like how to cut vegetables, but also took credit for her learning things (in her absence!), the way her feelings were devalued if they weren't logical, so she'd insist any emotion she felt was rational or logical... she even named her Vulpix, in the dub, the same name I gave my cat around her age, a cat I had gotten after I'd just recovered from fearing touching cats (despite loving them since I was small, I was scared, after my mother's cat scratched me out of nowhere and scarred my ankle)! Her recovering the last of her lost memories and overcoming her fears was pure catharsis... beautiful to watch. To say nothing of finally finding her father and even being able to embrace a Nihilego as her sister.

I love them all so, so, so much.

[cooki3face]

public psa & content breakdown:

***

psa:

I am a spiritualist!! I am pro human and all about the people at the end of the day. And I do not care about your feelings or your argument if you don’t care about PEOPLE. I do not do any type of queer phobia or homophobia, I do not like racists, pedophiles, rapists, abusers. I do not do sexism over here or values that aren’t inclusive or don’t fall into ideas that protect people ESPECIALLY women. I advocate for all people, I speak up when I see injustice, I am intentional and serious about creating a better world for others and creating a safe space for everyone in all aspects. Because I am a spiritualist I use terms like divine feminine and divine masculine, but these are energies and I’ve spoken about this before but they do not have anything to do with sexism or gender roles, or patriarchal schools of thought and ideologies. We all have feminine and masculine energies within us, they are the exact same thing as polar opposites like yin and Yang, light and dark, etc. only these terms are easy to understand and somewhat universal.

These energies are actually as inclusive and fluid as it gets because real people who aren’t throwing these words around in order to push people into boxes or oppress others or push an agenda understand that you’re human first before you are anything else and that we are all a combination of different energies and are capable of being and becoming anything we feel like we should be and need to be. That is part of why I’m not transphobic or queer phobic because I do not believe that people are wrong for expressing themselves the way they feel they need to express themselves, I do not feel that people are wrong for feeling differently on an internal level than their physical vessels imply.

This is not a “how to attract a man/woman” blog. This is not a play on feminine and masculine in order to enforce sexism and push us back as a society. I do not care for those sorts of ideas. I despise red pill agendas, and silly man babies with podcasts who think they know what they’re talking about in terms of masculinity and femininity or what it means to be a man or a woman so do not think that when I use these terms that I’m verging into those schools of thought because that’s not what we’re doing here. I’ll say it again I AM A SPIRITUALIST I do not care about that superficial bullshit like how to speak softer to attract a rich man or how to increase your testosterone, make your dick grow, or what ashwaganda gummies to buy!!

I am not a social media influencer, I will cuss you out, do not come over here and mess with my work, do not come over here and try to be combative and argumentative, or tear people down, you will not like my response and I will expose you to behavioral patterns you did not know that you had. If you think hating people for who they are and who they express themselves as is acceptable, i assure you this is not the page for you. I make room for everyone here, i prioritize growth and higher alignment over all things.

**I’m typically very peaceful but I’m not harmless, please fuck around and find out if you feel like. I mean business all the time. **

***

what I talk about here:

- this is a spiritual account I talk about & preach spiritual ideologies and apply them to a variety of different topics.

- I’m a tarot reader and a light worker and part of my contribution to the world and to the collective is through divination and using my gifts to help others.

- I’m into psychology, I’m a registered behavior technician, I am familiar with the studies of applied behavior analysis. And I talk about trauma and abuse frequently here.

- I talk about standards here, self respect, boundaries, dating, relationships, etc. and I often view them from a spiritual standpoint and tie in some of my belief systems (I like to educate about soul ties, divine counterparts, and the importance of stepping into one’s power and protecting your energy)

[scarecrow-brainrot]

8, 18, 26, 32, and 39 for crane ask game!

(you don’t have to answer all of these btw hahah)

Omg thank you!!! :D I’m so excited!

(For this ask game!)

8- Favorite form of fear toxin?

Liquid!! I think he loves the special properties of all the different forms, but liquid has more advantages and appeal for Jonathan. After all, it’s easier to handle and there’s less of a risk he will get contaminated than with gas or dust. Plus I think he would enjoy the chemistry aspect of having vials and beakers of bubbling fear toxin! Most importantly, my scarecrow fights with a scythe, which is good for bringing enemies closer to you- and Scarecrow uses this to his advantage to scare people who are trying to run away; and then he’s able to scare them more by slowly injecting them with a needle.

18- Any phobias to speak of?

I think that Jonathan has a fear of contamination/diseases. My scarecrow has the tragic background with his grandmother (but different torture than the crows), so as a child, he had no control over his own person or his own space. Sadly, as an adult, even though he escaped his grandmother’s torture, his trauma still plagues him as feeling like he has no control over his person/space, which now manifests as thoughts of germs/chemicals.

This makes his work with fear toxin extremely difficult for him, but I think he doesn’t feel like he has a choice to *stop* his experiments even if his fear is greatly harming him.

I think his main motivation to continue creating and experimenting on fear toxin, though, is that he has phobophobia: he has a fear of fear. Which seems odd at first, since he’s the Scarecrow, but really he is afraid of experiencing the fear he felt in his childhood. In order to never feel that again and to repress his emotions, he has to master fear and rise above it and control it. At the same time, he subjects other people to fear as a way to soothe his emotions/as an outlet for his pain by making other people suffer as a retribution for his own anguish.

(Someone really needs to get my boy therapy ToT)

26- Do they hone their inner farmer/country person or have they distanced themselves from that life?

He embraces it!! I think Jon really loves farming and the land he grew up on. He didn’t have any friends or a loving family as a child, so I think he sought comfort with the only other thing available to him: the farm. He loved the animals and the thunderstorms and running out into the fields to escape his grandmother. That’s why he chose to be the Scarecrow: he found control over his fear by hiding away among the stalks of corn, crouching and sitting still and observing the crows. He even trained some too, which is why he has so many pet crows now. It was the only part of his identity he had control over, and he chooses to embrace that, even if elite Gothamites at Gotham University snicker at his background.

I also think part of the reason he has such a strong attachment to his farm is because Scarecrow is almost creature-like to me: in this case, he’s super aware of his environment, and he sees himself as a part of it (which also allows him to sneakily blend into places very well).

32- What is their sense of humor like?

Ooh this is a kind of hard hc for me. Hmm let me think. I don’t think his humor is really defined in terms of like “jokes” or “dry” etc, but rather, the defining feature is that his humor only makes sense to him. He’ll make jokes about obscure psychological facts about fear, or just something that reminds him of something completely unrelated (in the eyes of everyone else). Lol

39- Random fun fact!

Scarecrow is trans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D I think this plays a lot into his childhood trauma and how he openly embraces whatever he likes as an adult.

I also think he likes to sing, and sings a lot to himself or to his crows, but would be caught dead before he sang to someone else. (However, he can sing extremelyyyyy creepily which he does to scare his victims).

Also very random, but he has dyslexia and a lot of certain synesthesia (grapheme-color, spacial sequence/number form, time-space, kinesthetic, and ticker tape)!

Thank you again for sending the ask and if you made reading this far lol!! <3 This was so much fun :D I haven’t really fleshed out my version of scarecrow before, so this made me super excited!! :)

[jahayla-parker]

Burning Vengeance : Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 5k wc, reader seeks out vengeance for what Kaz went through upon arriving in Ketterdam as a child. Protective, vengeance/revenge, hurt-comfort/angst-fluff

Warnings: typical SoC and Grishaverse content including but not limited to: violence, fire/burning, fighting, vengeance/revenge, trauma, nightmares, touch phobia, mentions of gangs and theft, etc.

Y/n tilted the shot glass back, the amber liquid burning her throat as she swallowed. She glanced over at the stairwell that led up to where Kaz currently was. The flashback of witnessing his intense panic attack was still fresh in y/n’s mind. She knew he was asleep now. And, while she was pleased with him actually getting some rest, she knew it was only because the panic attack had drained all of his energy. In fact, he’d hardly even resisted y/n demanding he lay down earlier this evening.

Tonight wasn’t the first time y/n had seen one of her boyfriend’s panic attacks firsthand. She knew they existed and had helped him through a few before they even began formally dating. But, tonight felt different. Tonight was different. Kaz had let a few details slide over time as to what made these panic attacks happen. However, tonight was the first time y/n heard the whole story. Tonight was the first time y/n knew exactly what had happened to Kaz. And tonight was going to be the last time Pekka set foot in the Crow Club.

Y/n couldn’t shake the story from her mind. Nor did she truly want to. She’d heard the pain and guilt in Kaz’s voice during his retelling of the event. It felt wrong to just let that go. Someone had to pay. Kaz had been put through hell that night and hadn’t had a second of reprieve since when it came to Rollins. Everyone knew the Bastard of the Barrel had it out for Rollins, but no one truly knew why. Of course there was the inherent rivalry and their competing businesses, but it was obvious there was more to it than that for Kaz.

Well, Y/N knew now. Looking away from the stairs, she faced Nina. She gave her friend a knowing look; one which Nina tried to argue against having read how Y/n wanted her to stay to make sure Kaz stayed asleep. “If his heart increases like that again, send Inej to find me. Understood?” She whispered to Nina.

Nina sighed but nodded in agreement.

“You don’t need to-” Jesper began, having sensed y/n’s tension. He couldn’t hear what she’d said to Nina. But, it was still clear that she was determined to get revenge. It was the look in her eyes. It looked eerily similar to the look that Kaz would have when someone dared to cross him; such as by trying to harm y/n.

Y/n silently turned to face Jesper. She calmly set a hand on his shoulder. “Jes, no one goes upstairs,” she ordered softly. She glanced around at the group, “no one”.

“If someone needs the boss-” Jesper argued timidly.

“Then they’ll have to wait until I’m back,” y/n declared firmly. She stretched her arms out in front of her, loosening the ligaments. Switching to her legs, she repeated, “no one goes upstairs while I’m gone”.

“Where are you going?” Wylan bravely asked.

“I have to fix something,” was all y/n said before she moved away from the group.

Matthias tapped Nina’s shoulder and they exchanged concerned expressions. “I don’t like that look in her eyes,” he murmured.

Y/n glared over at him and rolled her eyes. “Then don’t look at my eyes,” she advised with a shrug. “I’ll be back,” y/n told the group. “Inej, please watch the roofs.”

Jesper slid out of the wooden stool he’d been sitting on for most of the evening. “Wait up!” He called out. “I don’t get it,” he expressed, “Pekka always does this kind of thing, shouldn’t you wait for Kaz to-”.

“Yes, well, Rollins is done doing these things,” y/n stated. She didn’t care that she cut Jesper off. He didn’t need to know why things were different tonight. He just needed to let it go so she could fix it. Tonight Rollins had stolen a job from Kaz. However, when he was bragging about it to Kaz, Rollins had him pinned to wall with his bare skin touching Kaz. Hence the panic attack, and y/n’s newly obtained knowledge of the dynamics of Kaz’s trauma and history. But, if Jesper thought just y/n was simply selling revenge for the stolen job, so be it. Y/n glanced over her shoulder at Jesper, her eyes narrowed and jaw tight. Once she saw the slightly fearful acceptance in the sharpshooter’s eyes, she turned around and headed out of the Crow Club.

“I’ve never seen her like that,” Wylan mumured once the door loudly shut behind y/n.

“Like what?” Jesper asked before he tossed a shot down his throat.

“I mean… she’s Kaz’s right hand, so of course she’s intimidating,” Wylan pointed out, his eyes still on the door. “But…” he trailed off, looking back at the group.

“Yeah,” Matthias nodded. “She and Kaz causing have their moments that are far more intense than usual…” he agreed.

“Don’t worry, you’re fine though,” Nina chuckled. She examined her nails, picking at the colored polish that had slowly been coming off since their last heist.

“What do you mean?” Wylan asked, his slightly worried eyes landing on Jesper in hopes of reassurance.

Nina shrugged, leaning against Matthias’s shoulder. “Just stay on her good side,” she advised. She smirked lightly as she thought of her friend. “After all, she’s a badass with a good heart.”

Inej nodded simply as she checked that her daggers were in place on her corset as she prepared to head to the roofs.

“Yeah, and unfortunately for Pekka, that heart has fallen for the Bastard of the Barrel,” Jesper concluded, eyeing the door briefly before shrugging when he caught Wylan’s eyes on him.

Y/n’s eyes narrowed as she reached the ebony wooden house. She examined the scene, being sure she had the right target. She caught sight of the shadow of a man slightly taller than Kaz moving around behind thin curtains that were covering the small square window on the left of the first floor. After stealthily moving closer, y/n could make out the shape of Rollins’s scruffy facial hair. Y/n smirked to herself; she had the right place alright.

Y/n turned her attention to the right side of the manor. Fortunately, there was a window on that side of the house as well. Except, y/n knew she wouldn’t see anyone’s shadow through that panel of glass. She knew who the room belonged to; Pekka’s son Alby, whom was far too small to appear in the window.

Y/n quietly maneuvered over to the windowsill, checking her surroundings before cautiously lifting up the window. She smirked as the glass panel rose without much sound. Y/n stood on her tippy toes and pulled herself up to the thin ledge by her fingertips. After ensuring no one had seen her, she carefully lowered herself until she could slide into the room.

Y/n gazed down at the sleeping boy as he snuggled a lion stuffed animal. She nearly snorted at the sight. Of course Rollins had chosen a lion for his son. Perhaps y/n should’ve found a crow plushy to exchange. Depending on how tonight went, maybe she’d have the chance to do so another night. For now, she had more direct threats to be made. Especially when she noticed how peaceful the child seemed. Safe, healthy, with family, and access to shelter, food, medical services if need be, etc. All of which Pekka had stolen from Kaz. Things he made the man y/n loved fight for on a daily basis. It might not be Alby’s fault, but y/n didn’t care. Tonight Pekka paid for his sins.

Y/n stood outside of the house with a sadistic shine in her eyes. She silently curled her fingers, moving them in a scooping manner before turning her palm face up. Red and orange sparks burst from her skin, her body now charged and her powers alive. She mockingly tapped the edge of the wooden home, watching with morbid excitement as it ignited under her touch. She watched for a few moments as the flames spread closer and closer to the entrance. Just before the blaze encompassed the front door, y/n pressed her palm flat against it. She felt the splintering of the wood under her heated hand until it crumbled and fell off its hinges. Y/n dramatically stepped over the charred remains of the door on her way inside. She stalked directly into the master bedroom on the right side of the house. She entered the room just as Rollins was sitting up in his bed, in a full-blown coughing fit.

“You!” Rollins shouted roughly. The sound of his voice expressed the fact he already had a sore throat from the smoke inhalation. He waved his hand throat the slate smoke in the air as if it helped him see y/n better.

Y/n smirked, the corner of her lips curled up as her eyes shined in the dark room. She walked further into the room, her fingertips trailing over random surfaces along the way. A heated surge of marmalade colored flames followed her path as the surfaces ignited under her touch.

“Stop that you witch!” Pekka cursed. His legs slid across the bed and down to the side as he attempted to get out of bed.

“I don’t think I will,” y/n replied coolly. She tauntingly smiled as she played with a single flame at the tip of her right pointer finger. The flame flickered in the darkness, the light dancing across her face.

“What do you want from me?” Pekka groaned as he tried to stop coughing.

Y/n hummed calmly. “Nothing,” she admitted.

Pekka narrowed his eyes as he watched y/n casually flaunt her abilities. “You’re burning my house down at night for nothing?” He asked sarcastically. After some coughing, he shook his head. “Oh, I see,” he said, thinking he needed to adjust his particular wording, “what does Brekker want you to get from me?”

At the mention of Kaz’s name, y/n let the flame roll off her finger and onto the bedroom floor. She sent Rollins a sharp glare as she neared his dresser. “I’m not here on his orders,” y/n informed him.

“Then why are you here?” Pekka questioned in annoyance.

Y/n lifted the framed picture from Pekka’s dresser, staring at the photo of he and Alby. “Because, Rollins,” she hummed, looking over at the man briefly as she set the photo down. “You made a grave mistake,” y/n stated.

“Humor me child,” Pekka coughed. He inelegantly stood up from the side of his bed. “How so?”

Y/n ignited her fingertips and pinched the wooden frame of the photo on Pekka’s dresser. Her eyes reflected the flame as it began crawling across the image. “The Barrel might be a lawless place, but everyone knows there are lines you shouldn’t cross.” Y/n gazed over at Rollins. “Or, they should.” She tsked and turned her focus back to the random possessions she was lighting ablaze. “And, see,” she elaborated as she set her fiery hand atop a chest she assumed likely had precious earnings from his gang’s thievery. As embers flaked off from the chest, she clenched her jaw. “I think you knew it was wrong,” she sighed, “after all, you had an escape plan ready to go before you even trapped both of those innocent boys.”

Y/n heard the way Pekka’s deep loud inhalations paused momentarily at her statement. She stared over at him and lifted her right eyebrow. “How would you feel if someone trapped innocent little Alby?” Y/n questioned. Before Pekka could answer, y/n angrily began asking other rhetorical questions. “Hmm? If someone made it so he was coughing so hard he spit up blood?” “Made it so he couldn’t breathe?” “If he was covered in painful blisters?” “If someone made it so the innocent boy was just waiting for death to take him?” Y/n’s eyes flickered to the disintegrated photo frame before looking back at Rollins. “That would be brutal, wouldn’t it?” She taunted with a stoic expression, but eyes alight.

Rollins coughed profusely as he neared y/n “Where’s my son?!” He shouted, eyes swing to the hallway behind y/n. “Tell me, now!” He demanded loudly, his voice cracking.

“You should know better than to try and make the calls when you don’t have the upper hand here, Rollins,” y/n sneered. “But, I’ll tell you what,” she trailed off as if she were thinking deeply about the ordeal. “Why don’t we make a deal? Hmm?” Y/n proposed.

Pekka merely glared furiously at y/n as he continued coughing. He pulled the collar of his shirt over his nose to fight the smoke.

“Not really an answer,” y/n heckled, “but I’ll continue.” She casually strode around Pekka’s room, looking for anything particularly worth burning. “You presumably want a fair trade, no?” Not waiting for an answer, she continued. “You took everything from him, it’s only fair I make sure you get the same in exchange.”

“Excuse me?!” Rollins exclaimed, his shaky legs fighting to carry him closer to y/n. The smoke was really getting to him. “You’re not keeping my son!”

Y/n laughed humorously. “Please,” she scoffed, “I don’t want your child.” She silently thought back to the condition in which she’d left Alby in. “Besides, as I said, there are lines you don’t cross; even in the depths of the Barrel.”

Pekka squinted his eyes, his nostrils flared under his shirt. “So then, what?” He questioned.

“The Emerald Palace,” y/n began, voice calm and cool, “the Dime Lions, whatever Kruge you have tied up in business ventures and in cash. All of that belongs to Kaz now.” She menacingly stepped towards Rollins. “And you never show your face nor wield any influence in Ketterdam ever again”.

The fiery glare Pekka gave her could’ve rivaled y/n’s actual flames. “Or you’ll do what?”

Y/n smirked viciously as she stalked closer to Rollins, looking him up and down tauntingly. “Or else, your innocent little Alby will get to experience firsthand what it’s like to grow up in the Barrel as an orphan,” she declared, her eyes flickering up to meet his. “Left to fend for himself, without any means to get by.” Y/n tsked loudly. “But, surely you’ve not been spoiling him, right? He of course would know how to get by just fine on his own, right?” She asked with a look of faux innocence.

Rollins coughed loudly before dropping the fabric from his nose. “Why are you doing this you witch?!”

Y/n rolled her eyes. “You know how vengeance works Rollins.” It was as simple as that. Rollins had this -and far worse- coming for what he’d done to Kaz. For what he’d put y/n’s man through.

"What do you see in him?" Pekka groaned, eyes slotted as he glared at the Grisha before him.

That was a simple answer. “Everything you don't,” y/n responded, pulling the flames back to her fingers.

“He’s nothing,” Pekka spat. He moved to grab y/n’s wrist.

Y/n effortlessly twisted her wrist in Rollin’s grip and slid it back out from his hold. “Once again, that’s where you’re wrong,” she mused. She turned from him and let her fingertips graze his bedding, watching as the bed caught fire. Y/n the arched forward slightly until her fingers grazed the long elaborate curtains, a wicked glee forming in her knowing how quickly they’d ignite and spread. She watched silently as his room light up, the majority of his possessions a certain loss.

“You’re going to Hell,” Pekka grumbled. He set his hand on the metal post holding his mattress, only for it to scald him. He hissed and glared at y/n as he held his burned hand to his chest.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you there then,” y/n shrugged. She turned away from the disturbingly pleasing sight of Pekka’s room burning down and back to the man himself. “Now, are you ready to comply?” She asked, tsking as he shook his head. Y/n sighed dramatically and lifted her legs up to step over the debris of charred wooden material now resting on the floor. She eyed Pekka and shook her head. She didn’t want to touch the man, the idea itself revolting. So, her fingertips brought forth a flame and she flicked the embers at his shirt’s sleeve.

Rollins screamed so loud that y/n was surprised the glass on his windows didn’t break. She rolled her eyes tauntingly at his expression of severe pain. “Scream all you want, no one will hear you”. Y/n faked a yawn and stared at her fingers as she fiddled them, a flame dancing across them. “Now, do we have a deal?” She asked.

Rollins hissed and swatted at the scorching flame on his arm. He glanced over at y/n with a furious expression. “You’re just going to burn me alive if I say no?” He inquired through gritted teeth.

Y/n silently tilted her head to the side in response. When she saw Pekka had extinguished the flame on his shirt, she sighed loudly. With a simple flick of her wrist, she shot another surge of fire to his other shirt sleeve.

“You fucking witch!” Rollins yelped.

“I’ve been called worse by people I actually don’t find repulsive,” y/n laughed sarcastically. “You’ll have to try much harder if you’re trying to offend me,” she mused. She watched with morbid pleasure as the fires on his arm and in his room kept burning brightly. A merciless grin formed on y/n’s lips as she watched welts rise on Rollins’s skin. The newly formed blisters were not much different in appearance than that which she knew those sickened by the plague had suffered as a symptom of the disease. She hadn’t known Kaz when he was sick, but the painful welts she pictured in her mind on Kaz (and his now-late-brother, Jordie) when he’d been inflicted by the Queen's Lady Plague. She knew Pekka’s blisters would fade over time, just like Kaz’s had. But, the memory of the pain and trauma associated with them would surely remain; once again just like what he’d caused to happen to Kaz. It was perfect vengeance. The notion brought a wicked sense of pride to form in y/n. This was what she wanted; vengeance for what Kaz had been put through.

“You aren’t capable of this,” Pekka scoffed. He once again swatted at his arm to extinguish the flame, burning his hand again in the process. “You’ve never killed before, y/c/n”.

Y/n didn’t care for the fact that Pekka knew her history and alleged limitations/boundaries. She also didn’t care for him uttering the nickname she’d earned when she first joined Kaz and the Crows. But, mostly, she despised how Pekka truly seemed to believe she wasn’t capable of this. That she wasn’t willing to do whatever it took to get vengeance for Kaz.

“I’ve hunted you down to your house, far outside of Ketterdam. I ventured across four rivals gang territories in the pitch black. And I am currently burning your house down with you and your precious little son inside. Yet, you really don’t think I’d see this the rest of the way through?” Y/n asked with a raise of her brows.

Pekka stepped back as he looked into y/n’s eyes. He could read the burning rage in her eyes. She was beyond sincere. She was here on a mission, and she wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. “Fine,” Rollins groaned, looking down the hall to where his son’s bedroom was. For Alby. He took a futile deep breath as he hobbled across the remains of his bedroom.

Y/n watched as Rollins tried to search through his nightstand for a pen. She rolled her eyes and marched over to him. “There is a pen ready for you in your office,” y/n informed him, smirking when he looked at her in surprise. He clearly hadn’t expected her to have made it past his bedroom earlier without him noticing her presence.

As the pair entered Pekka’s home office, y/n pulled the papers from her jacket pocket. They were still in good condition given how large the coat pockets were. The coat had been a gift from Kaz a few cold Ketterdam winters ago; pockets designed explicitly to carry whatever she may need to keep on her for safety. Or in this case, vengeance. She threw down the pile of papers on the desk and pointed to the pen beside it.

“Where’s my son?” Pekka asked, trying to look around y/N’s body to see down to Alby’s room. He had been trying to get sight of the boy’s bedroom entrance their entire walk to the office. He once again had no luck, y/n refused to let him see.

“Sign the papers,” y/n groaned, leaning against the doorframe to Pekka’s office.

“Where’s-?!” Rollins repeated, his question cut short as y/n reignited his arm in a merciless blaze.

Pekka hissed and glared at y/n as he patted out the creeping flame. He coughed repeatedly as he reached for the pen. His hand shook and it took significant effort to keep it steady enough to sign the paper legibly. He didn’t dare risk signing them improperly or in any other manner that might further aggravate the Grisha. As soon as the pen lifted from the last signature line, he demanded an answer. “Where’s my son?”

Y/n stepped up to the desk and scrutinized each and every signature on each document thoroughly. Satisfied with the results of his reluctant cooperation, she answered Pekka’s question. “Small tree, three yards from the front gate,” y/n informed him. “Now, I hope it’s clear that nothing will prevent me from finding you, and Alby, and returning to address any violations of this deal should it be necessary,” she warned.

Pekka coughed as he limped towards the door. “Just leave me boy and me alone,” he said, his accent thick even though it had been weakened by the smoke coating the inside of his throat. “And the deal will be met,” he agreed.

Pekka cradled Alby to him, ignoring the way the contact worsened the pain on his arms. He had his boy back. His boy was safe. He faintly heard a soft tinny noise, causing him to be on alert. Had y/n not left yet? However, as he pulled back from his son’s body to look around, he realized what it was. Alby was cluelessly tapping what appeared to be a metallic lighter. Rollins snatched it from his son and shook the device. Thankfully, it was evidently empty. However, just as he went to toss the dangerous item aside, his finger grazed the backside of it and he halted.

Pekka slowly flipped the lighter over and flinched as he saw the engraving. There, etched into the empty lighter his young naive son was holding was the shape of an eye with fire where one’s pupil would normally be. Y/N’s signature symbol. “Where did you get this?” Pekka gasped, glancing down at his son in his lap.

“The girl said I could have it,” Alby mumbled in confusion; uncertain why he was in trouble.

Pekka grimaced but shook his head and pulled Alby back to his torso. As disturbing as it was, and while he knew it was likely a warning/reminder to not cross her -or Kaz-, Pekka found it unnecessary. He had learned his mistake. He wasn’t going to break his deal with y/n. Not if he intended for him and his son to live.

*Next Day*

Kaz was tidying up his desk when he came across a stack of unfamiliar papers. He always knew every item on his desk. What was this and how did it get here without his knowledge? He pulled the pile towards himself and squinted at them as he read through the lengthy text.

Kaz closed his eyes and sighed. But, his lips curled up ever so slightly at the sentiment. Y/n had done this for him. However, when the realization that she could’ve been seriously harmed in doing this hit him, Kaz grabbed his cane and marched to the door.

Kaz had made it down to the main floor and was nearing the group of his Crows when he overheard their conversation. He paused around the corner, ear turned to the voices as he eavesdropped. This was a more reliable way to get information that he might not have had yet. Not to mention, it kept him from having to admit he didn’t have said information.

“What did you do?” Matthias asked, slight judgment in his tone.

“I heard he’s been asking around for a healer,” Nina stated, lifting her brows in question as she stared at y/n.

Y/n shrugged lightly before taking another sip of her drink.

“I mean you do know she makes fire, right?” Jesper teased. He shot y/n a playful wink.

“In Ketterdam?” Y/n asked, Nina’s comment fully processed now.

“What?” Jesper asked, confused as to how her question made any sense.

Y/n shook her head at Jesper before facing Nina. “Has he been looking for a healer in Ketterdam?” She inquired. Her hands were already resting on the edges of the table, her chest slightly pushed away from it in preparation to storm out of the Crow Club and back to Pekka’s. If he’d returned to Ketterdam, for any reason, he’d be in violation of her explicit terms.

“No,” Nina answered with a shake of her head. “In fact, I heard he actually turned down Palanzi even,” she elaborated.

Y/n sighed in relief. Palanzi was one of the few known healers in the area other than Nina. Which meant he’d not even been willing to have someone from Ketterdam go to his house, or wherever he would live now that y/n had burned it last night. Her lips betrayed her otherwise stoic expression as she smirked faintly at the idea of scaring Pekka so deeply. “Good,” she mumured as she took another sip of her water.

“Y/n, what-?” Wylan asked.

Y/n knew what the question was going to be. So she stopped Wylan before he even finished. “Relax,” she said softly. “The wounds will heal on their own,” y/n promised.

“Wounds?” Wylan questioned.

“You did hear what I said about her being able to conjure up fire, right?” Jesper joked, rubbing Wylan’s head teasingly.

“Then why is he looking for a healer?” Inej wondered out loud.

“His throat,” Kaz answered for y/n as he approached the group. He stood beside y/n, glancing down at her knowingly.

Y/n stared back up at Kaz briefly before stoically looking away. She reached out to the area of the counter that was in front of Jesper and grabbed his untouched shot glass. She plucked it up from the table and quickly tossed back the liquid. As Jesper grumbled about her stealing his drink, y/n laughed. She patted his back with fake sympathy as she stood up. Y/n spared Kaz a silent look as she walked away from the table and towards the stairs.

Once y/n and Kaz were alone in his office, Kaz shut and locked the door behind him. “You didn’t need to do that,” he said firmly.

Y/n sensed Kaz’s frustration, but she knew the cause for it. As such, she chose to ignore it. After all, she was fine. “I’m not done, Kaz,” y/n stated. She was coming for all of the monsters who dared call themselves men as they caused Kaz harm. All of them who distorted his worldview. Who stole his light and turned his world upside and plunged him into frigid darkness. They caused him nightmares and forced him to become a nightmare in his own right; as far as the Barrel was concerned. Y/n had a different opinion of Kaz. Nonetheless, she was going to be the new nightmare rumored around town. A nightmare that only afflicted those who had been idiotic enough to cause Kaz such grief and pain.

“Y/n,” Kaz groaned, limping over to his desk. He sat down and stretched out his bad leg. “I cannot have you risking your-”, he began.

“You have nightmares for Saints sake, Kaz!” Y/n shouted blasphemously. “It’s about time they had their own!” She rebutted, leaning her hip against the edge of his desk.

“And that has to be you?” Kaz asked rhetorically. He stiffly shook his head. “Rollins was enough.” “More than enough,” he amended. Kaz watched as y/n stared off to the side, refusing to look at him. He sighed and used his gloved fingers to faintly touch her cheek as he tenderly tilted her head back to him. “You are not my weapon,” he declared. “I will not have you treat yourself as such”. Kaz gave y/n the best version of a grateful expression he could offer. “You’ve exacted your vengeance on Rollins, on my behalf, that’s enough.”

Kaz noticed the hesitant look in his girl’s eyes and stifled a chuckle over her never ending determination. “It’s enough,” he promised. When y/n finally nodded in acceptance, he took her hand in his gloved one and softly squeezed it. It was as much as he could offer still, but the shine in her eyes made him feel better over the minimal amount of affection and touch her could provide.

“Fine,” y/n grumbled. She shook her head in annoyance. “But, I swear, if I ever find the guy who helped him-”.

Kaz laughed breathily, cutting y/n off. “Y/n,” he scolded pleaded gruffly.

“I’m coming for everyone who thought it was okay to hurt you,” y/n argued as she stared down at Kaz. “I don’t care if you like it or not. I will not stop until-” she stated, standing up straighter.

“Y/n, I will not have you get hurt in the process,” Kaz replied matter of factly. He slowly retracted his hand from hers as the sensation became too much.

“You do realize there’s not a single scratch on me, right?” Y/n pointed out. She wore a faint but prideful smirk.

Kaz resisted the tug from the corner of his lips at the sight before him. He sighed dramatically and ran his gloved hand down his face in frustration. “You’re not letting this go are you?” Kaz questioned, staring up at y/n.

Y/n moved to the other side of Kaz’s desk and plopped into the her seat. “I’m surprised you had to ask,” she replied smugly.

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[unknownentry404]

So, I didn’t so much discover but rather confirm an hypothesis today, and that’s the simple fact that the snakes that Luz has are NOT venomous, or frankly dangerous in any real way.

Honestly? It’s crazy how much demonisation (heh, pun unintended. . .by me! 👀) snakes get. It reminds me of the original Unfortunate Events movie in a lot of ways. And even after that, I didn’t realise for the longest time that most snakes aren’t venomous at all.

The venomous snakes are ones you’ve heard about a lot: rattlesnakes, cottonmouths, etc. But snakes aren’t inherently venomous.

And through a simple google search, I can guess that the snake Luz has in episode one is a Smooth Green Snake. Again, non-venomous snake found in the North American Continent, and one that doesn’t even like to bite. Any of the people bitten by it would prolly experience more “the trauma of being bit by a perceived dangerous animal,” than anything else. Like, we don’t see anyone getting carted off to hospital right? Plus Camila, vet on the scene, doesn’t seem particularly stressed out. And they could have easily added either as a comedic gag if they wanted.

Basically, Luz is a veterinarian’s kid who gets on with animals more than people. In the brief opening we see her playing with two species that are famously feared for unjust reasons: spiders and snakes. Neither of which are automatically dangerous. Like sure, venomous ones of both species certainly DO exist, but the spiders here aren’t black widows or anything.

Now, I will admit I might have acted similarly as a dumb kid (and today with the spiders let’s be real; but at least I know it’s an irrational fear, and I would, rather, move to the corner of class and continue talking with Luz, than run away screaming). But I’ve watched enough creators with snakes like Snake Discovery on YouTube, that I’d be more likely to ask the kid what kind of snake it is, and once I knew the species and verified it’s non-lethality, even ask to hold it with her. (As a teacher, if I discovered it WAS lethal, my first priority would be getting the snake away from the kid asap, lbr).

Honestly, this would have been a great opportunity for the staff and faculty to teach kids about how such animals aren’t always dangerous, preventing a few phobias from developing, but also showing students pictures of the species that are, at the same time, so they can identify the difference in the wild. (But school is rarely so kind, lol).

Luz with spiders also really reminds me of Japanese kids. I worked in an elementary school in Japan for four years, and let me say: bugs are such a big thing there. Every class has at least a few tanks in the back of ones kids recently caught. And I’ve been with kindergarteners who’d let ants and the like crawl all over them without a care in the world.

Like, I have severe arachnophobia and hate creepy crawlies myself, and I doubt I’ll ever be able to overcome it at this stage, but it is not a fun way to live in any means. If such exposure in schools can stop at least some people from developing such fears, it would be well worth it.

TLDR: The snake Luz has is most likely a Smooth Green Snake and is both non-venomous and doesn’t like to bite. Both the snakes and spiders in the first few scenes represent unplaced fear, as they are some of the most feared animals, but only a certain number of either species are dangerous in any way to humans. No one would have gotten seriously hurt from Luz’ animal antics. But as a vet’s kid, Luz obviously gets on with animals more than people in the Human Realm. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Addendums and other snakey notes:

The Smooth Greensnake is a very small snake, that is also found in the wild of Connecticut. Hence why I’ve settled on it for the main candidate of being Luz’ snakes. It is very small, and quite docile. Not a very common pet, though, so only found a few videos in it. Still very interesting. There are honestly not that many green coloured snake species, despite it being the default emoji/look for snakes. Isn’t it odd? 🐍

Rough Greensnakes: The only real difference between it and its extremely similar smooth cousin is, well, it’s rough scales. :P I believe they are the same size and look very similar.

Green Tree Pythons: These green beauties have spots, kind of like Luz’ snake. They also have fierce bite, when they do, but are still quite tame once they’ve gotten used to humans. But again, they are non venomous and don’t leave any lasting damage if they bite you. On the surface they look like they might fit as being Luz’ snake species, but they are also a bit larger of a species, and if they are Green Tree Pythons that Luz has, they they are not babies, as I believe most babies start out as red or yellow before turning green in adulthood. They are also not native to America, coming from places like New Guinea. However, there are some in America, but as people’s pets and not in the wild.

Timber Rattlesnakes: so I’m adding this because it is native to Connecticut and because this is a venomous snake. (Though also endangered and not likely to strike out if unprovoked. Admire from a distance and do not kill seems to be the memo here). It’s also, you know, a rattle snake, that makes a very distinct sound, like what can be heard in the opening of the first episode of the owl house. However I believe this to be an oversight at best, by the sound design crew, as true rattlesnakes are both quite big as adults and have very distinctive rattles on the tips of their tails, which Luz’ snakes don’t have. Generally, snakes don’t really make noise, hence why I think the default snake sound tends to be a rattlesnake’s sound.

[crabmail-remade]

ppl treat like wanting to continue masking for the foreseeable future being a trauma response somehow makes it not a good idea. like sure, covid did worsen my phobia about getting sick, but that is based in reality. and yeah, i would love to not get a cold or the flu again! me not wanting to give up masking and having a desire that far more ppl thought the same is not a bad just bc it's based on the REAL FACT that covid is continuing to infect and kill ppl. the fact that wearing face masks is not a constant in places like our healthcare systems is a bad idea anyways, it could prevent so many unnecessary deaths, but SOME ppl are far too worried about their own personal freedoms to give a shit if they give someone a disease that (potentially further) disables them or kills them.

the cdc is a government org that will prioritize profit over your life. they don't care if you live or die, remember that when you read through their "guidelines". for those who still mask: thanks, you make me feel a little more safe. for those who don't mask: please, anything is better than nothing. wearing a mask (any kind, surgical, cloth, k/n95, etc.), a face shield, having an air purifier, just spending more time away from large crowds, these are all things that help. don't disregard the safety of your community and yourself.

[grimsley-official]

(@wingsofachampion) Hiya! Why do some humans seem to hate certain types? Aren't humans typeless? -Tropius

Oh, hello again~✨

That certainly is a wonderful question…

While humans are technically typeless, there’s many reasons why someone would dislike a certain Type of Pokémon.

Some people may have trauma related to a Pokémon Type…which is honestly understandable as to why they may not particular enjoy being around them.

Other people tend to make assumptions about highly stigmatized typings (such as dark, bug, poison, etc.) This can unfortunately lead to those Pokemon being treated poorly…in fact a lot of my current Pokemon I rescued from…less than ideal circumstances…

Erm, some people, such as myself, can have a phobia of some Pokémon. Though, phobias are typically entirely irrational. I’m…currently working on getting over my own phobia~

Despite all this, in my humble opinion, people should respect all Pokemon and the people who love them. Often people get attached to the Type they specialize in…which can lead to some hurt feelings if such Pokemon are insulted. No matter the reason someone may dislike a certain Type, I believe they should strive to be understanding and respectful~

[shiftingpath]

Exalted Secret Santa, 14th Edition

Hello again, all!

Apologies for starting a little late this year; things piled up unexpectedly. However thanks to feedback from last year, you’ll have some extra time and a later due date, so I hope that’ll help make up for it. So let’s get going with our official welcome. If you are an artist and Exalted fan, here’s what you’ll need to participate in this year’s exchange:

1) A working tumblr account. RSVP to me in an ask, message, reply to this post, confirmation in the reblog tags, etc. so I will know to add you to the list. If you submit under a new handle but have participated before, or if your tumblr name has changed, please note the name of the account you will be posting with for the exchange. I like to make sure repeat participants get different assignments and gifts every year; if you have changed names please just remind me a little, so I can update the giant excel sheet of secret santas past make sure you get a new partner.

2) Post a journal to tumblr by December 10th with the descriptions of the character you would like drawn. Include two or three if you have them, to give the person drawing for you more options. Please provide all the physical and relevant details needed to draw the character, and provide a reference picture if at all possible. (A piece of your own art, a commission, a play-by picture, etc.)

Also, if you have any strong aversions or phobias that might be important for a stranger drawing your character, please note that in the journal. (For example: “Silent Vortex of the Storm’s left eye is brilliant white-blue like her anima, but her right eye is lost and that side of her face scarred badly. She always wears her eyepatch and a close-fitting hood. (I’d prefer not to see any graphic eye trauma.)”

Just try to make it as easy as possible for your gifter to draw your character!

Tag your journal with #exalted or #exalted secret santa so I can find it (or message me with a link). Once all the journals are up, I’ll make a post compiling the links to them all so they’re easy to find. I will also send you a message through asks or messages with the name of the person you are assigned to draw for. Please try to get your journal up by the 10th so your gifter will have plenty of time to draw for you.

2) Check your messages or ask box for your assignment.

I will have this to you on December 11th if at all possible. Let me know if you’re planning to be unavailable for any major length of time just in case I need to get ahold of you for further details. If you have an emergency and cannot finish the trade in time (for example, your tablet or scanner breaks), let me know asap so I can arrange a replacement. Thank you!

3) Submit a piece of finished artwork by January 15th. Thanks to those of you who provided feedback last year; as a result I’ve extended the due date. Hopefully those of you who are busiest during the holiday season can use the extra time after New Years to help get your submission finished! 

Please tag your submission with the secret santa tag and your giftee’s name if you wish, or I can notify them once it’s up. When all the gifts are posted, I’ll compile them into a single post so we can all get a good look at them.

Let me know by December 10th and I will have your assignments to you within 24 hours if at all possible. Feel free to message me at any time with any questions.

Sorry, I do not accept writing or mechanics submissions for this Secret Santa (though you are welcome to accompany your picture with some text, and of course welcome to host a writing exchange of your own!)

Happy Calibration,

-Path.