#all of these feel like something i’d come up with while stoned at 3am

[sunny-rants]

2023 out here beating the “cinema is dead” allegations with pure camp

[pndnj]

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend. 

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41-  1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something  I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t  no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec,  get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone  I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone,  it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor,  cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up,  a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't  the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all,  I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker,  i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun,  seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some,  get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice,  i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon,  this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles  in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another

[its-monster-mash]

Marko(Lost Boys) X Frog!Reader Imagines

Gender Neutral Reader

Content Warnings: gun, near death, brief mention of weed

• You spent most of your life on the East Coast, but you had a lot of family out west, including your beloved Grandfather. So when he passed, you dropped everything to attend the funeral

• You didn’t even recognize Edgar and Alan when you showed up at the trailer with your bag; last time you saw them Ed was just learning his first words(“Bullshit”, thanks Uncle Frog), and Al couldn’t even walk yet. Now here they are, a couple of Angsty sullen teenagers

• “You guys used to be so cute, what happened?” “We grew up.” “Oh please, what are you, 12?”

• You decided to stay for a while, help out with the comic book store while your Uncle deals with the legal stuff about your grandfather’s death. Dying sure was a pain in the ass, you guessed

• All things considered, you liked the work. You were a huge comic fan, and the store was slow enough that you had plenty of time to spend working on your own art. You hoped maybe you’d have your own comic some day, if only you could stick to one idea...

• In fact, you were so focused on your art that you forgot to lock up after closing time; so you were more than a little bit started when someone tossed a comic on your desk

• You look up to see a curly-headed blond man, with one of the most beautiful faces you had ever seen, and you can’t help but blush, he smiles at this. “New in town? I think I’d remember seeing you.”

• You notice his friends snicker as they mill around the store. So he IS flirting with you...this does nothing to help your blushing

• You try to collect yourself, ringing up his comic book as you explain your situation; about your grandfather, and how you’re staying with your uncle for a while...how you accidentally kept the shop open way late

• He seems infinitely more interested once he hears that you’re an artist, and absolutely wants to see your work. In fact, he doesn’t even wait for you to respond. “Is that your sketchbook?” Is all the warning you have before he’s snatching it off of your desk and flipping through it

• His jaw all but drops as he appreciates your work. “This is so sick!” Suddenly he’s pushing the sketchbook back to you. “Can you draw me?”

• Normally, you hate that question as much as any other artist, but you’d been dying to draw him since you saw his face, so you absolutely take him up on that

• It doesn’t take you very long to sketch him, and the second you’re finished he snatches it out of your hands, staring at it like he hasn’t seen himself in years

• While he’s busy being in awe, you snatch the sketchbook back from him, much to his surprise, and you hold up a finger to tell him to wait while you scratch your phone number onto the page. You hope he can read your terrible writing

• You tear the page out of the sketchbook, handing it to him. “Here, my phone number...you could call it sometime...if you want to.”

• Your heart flutters when he smiles, and you think you might die when his fingers brush yours when he takes the page. “I want to.”

• His spikyheaded friend nods at him, signaling it’s time for them to leave. “Name’s Marko, I’ll call you!”

• After a couple of late night phone calls, you never leave the shop open late again; Marko never failing to pick you up just after the sun goes down. You tease him about never seeing him in the daylight, like he’s one of those vampires from your cousins’ favorite comic

• “I’ve never seen you in the daylight either.” “Fair enough.”

• Unfortunately, your cousins overhear this little talk just outside of the shop; and one very early morning you notice them sneaking out of the house...you follow of course, you are the adult after all

• Following at a distance, you watch them climb into an old cave...very clearly labeled “Stay Out”. You wonder if maybe they go down there to get stoned with their friends or something...they have friends right? You consider leaving them be...but decide it would be so much funnier to bust them

• Except it isn’t funny at all. By the time you get down there, you hear your cousins’ screams. You frantically follow the sound, and much to your surprise you find Marko, his face distorted monsterously, ready to tear Edgar’s throat out

• You hardly even notice his friends, making a daring slide to pick up the stake Ed had dropped, and grabbing onto Marko. You aren’t strong enough to pry his grip off of your cousin, but the shock of seeing you here causes him to let go anyway. Ed scrambles to Al’s side, terrified under the gaze of the other vampires

• You press the point of the stake to Marko’s chest, and he looks at you with the most devastated expression. “Touch my cousins and he fucking dies.”

• Contempt and fear plays across the faces of the other vampires, guys you thought had become your friends since you started dating Marko; they didn’t know if you could kill him, but they didn’t want to take that chance. David nods for them to part so your cousins can start climbing out of the cave

• Marko...Marko looks at you with his golden eyes full of sorrow and anguish. Seeing him now for the monster he is, you know that the only reason you’re still alive is because he doesn’t want to kill you. You have a stake pressed to his chest, but you both know he could tear your throat out before you ever got the chance to use it

• “(Y/N), please, I-”

• As soon as your cousins reach the safety of daylight, you toss the stake violently to the floor, glaring into Marko’s eyes. You don’t even spare him a final word before you turn and walk away

• Every night, the phone rings; your Uncle doesn’t even bother to tell you anymore, just hanging up the second he hears Marko’s voice. If he knew the truth about what happened that night he’d be terrified, but as it stands he just thinks you had a nasty breakup; and you’re grown...so it’s not his business

• You hate yourself for it, but you miss him...you want to blame it on his Vampiric Charm, but you know in your heart that he never had to manipulate your feelings...they were real

• One night, you just can’t stand lying awake staring at the ceiling anymore. At damn near 3am, you leave quietly so not to awaken your family, and take off for your grandpa’s old shooting range

• Perhaps it was unwise to take yourself to a secluded area so far from any civilization in the dead of night, but you don’t care anymore. You load your grandfather’s old shotgun, the one he taught you to hunt with, and fire at the target

• Eventually, you hear a lone dirtbike pull up the long road behind you; you don’t even turn to look at him. “It’s four AM Marko, what are you doing here?” You fire at the target in the distance

• He walks up behind you, watching you lazily reload. “I could ask you the same thing.”

• “S’my grandpa’s range. I couldn’t sleep so I figured I’d get in some target practice.” *Ting* “You know that’s no good against Vampires, right?” “It’s not for vampires.”

• He can’t help but be frustrated with you; how could you just come out into the open like this? In the middle of the night? Were you stupid or suicidal?

• You don’t need to read minds to know what he’s thinking. He opens his mouth to speak and you cut him off. “If you wanted me dead, I never would have left that cave.”

• “So why didn’t you do it? You know what I am now, so why didn’t you drive that stake through my heart?” “Even if I could have stabbed you faster than you could have killed me, your brothers would have torn me to pieces.”

• “My brothers aren’t here now.”

• You finally turn to look at him, tears welling in your eyes at the sight of him. Your heart tenses at the sight of the sun threatening to rise on the horizon. “If you don’t leave now, I won’t even have to kill you.”

• “No (Y/N).” You can see the tears in his eyes as he shifts into his monstrous form. “No, if you really want me dead, you’re gonna see it.”

• You’re confused at first, until you see the smoke beginning to rise as the first rays of morning light threaten him. “Marko, what are you doing?”

• He lets out an agonized hiss as his skin begins to singe. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

• Tears well in your eyes as you run to him, throwing your jacket over him in an attempt to shield him from the sun. “Knock it off!” You practically drag him into the old gun shack

• He collapses to the floor once you get him inside, too weak to stand. “If I’m gonna die, I want it to be you.” He sounds so raspy and exhausted

• You shake your head, tossing an old blanket over him. “Well too bad. You’re not dying on me today.”

[utterlyinevitable]

The Conference (Part 9)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 

Paring: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Lao) Word Count: 3.7k Rating: T+ Warning: Some cursing Summary: It’s the evening after the keynote and they go out for a civil dinner date.

A/N: shout out to ruby @starrystarrytrouble for reminding me people actually like reading this mess 💕

________________________________________

After we finished up the panel I stuck around the conference hall to network whilst Ethan had ditched the crowd at the first opportunity he got, heading back to our hotel room and venturing away from the pecking vultures. To be honest, I didn’t really blame him. Everyone wanted a piece of the poor, well-endowed man. 

A couple hours later, I shuffled back into our apartment. My aching feet somehow prevailed without causing me to collapse on the odd geometric carpet floor, or ditching my heels along the way and walking barefoot like some uncultured frosh stumbling home at 3AM. Once through the heavy metal plated door, I headed straight to my room, not throwing a single pleasantry towards Ethan in the seating area. From what I could tell he was typing furiously on his laptop after nursing a scotch - the empty crystal tumbler on the table was a dead giveaway. 

The anxiety and delirium inducing stress of the day lifted the second my kinda-sweaty body collapsed onto the private armchair in my room, clutching its aqua-colored arms and sinking into the velvet cushion. Staring out at the familiar skyline my mind started to replay the happenings of the day; every little thing that happened - from the confidence I felt during our speech, to the way that asshole called me out, and how Ethan stood up for me every step of the way. How proud he was even if he relayed the sentiment in such small words. 

We survived today. We haven’t strangled each other nor suffered any little deaths. All that’s left for this trip is the tour we have tomorrow morning, and then we’ll be on our way back to Edenbrook. Back to the way things were… 

Somehow my tired and self destructive brain decided it wanted to revel in the memories of the last few days. Thinking about all the non-work things that happened this trip. Thinking of all the words shared, and the blast from the past. And the revelation that little adventure birthed. 

Fuck me...

Things are weird. Like, so weird. I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m even thinking this… but I miss him. Today showed me how great we are together! Professionally and as friends. We’re the dynamic duo: Ramsey and his Rookie. His. I - 

I need to stop thinking that. 

I belong to myself. I do what I want when I want and with whom I want. 

And so does he. And that’s why I walked away. I’m- 

I’m still getting over him. 

While simultaneously trying to get under him… 

Thoughts wandered back to Ryan and how long it took me to get over the detrimental ‘what if’s of him. If I held on tighter and longer and didn’t get in the way of myself back then - if one thing was different - everything could be different. 

A small, revelatory gasp escaped me. 

I didn’t want things to be different. 

After eight fucking years I finally understood. 

If I didn’t love and lose Ryan I never would have found my way to Boston. To Ethan. And here - knowing what I do and having all the experiences of the last few months - I couldn’t continue a life without knowing Ethan Ramsey. 

I’m going to do whatever I can to repair our friendship. 

I changed my clothes into something not requiring heels - black skinny jeans, a blouse and my trusty Chelsea boots - and my hair pulled back into a bun. Simple, sleek, and completely me. No pomp and circumstance, or hiding behind anything. Just me, making an effort.  

With all the determination I could muster I sauntered into the living room where I assumed Ethan would still be. 

I was right; he hadn’t changed positions at all. Sitting there on the couch, his feet up on the gaudy footstool with his laptop perched on his lap, tortoise-patterned glasses framing his face, and furiously typing on the keyboard. 

“So...” I trailed awkwardly to break the tension surrounding him, leaning against the wall with my hands stuffed in my armpits. “What do you want to do for dinner?” 

“Oh,” He planted his feet on the floor and turned to face me fully, moving his laptop off of him and folding his arms in his lap. “Uh, well-”

Quickly I added, “If you’d rather eat alone it’s fine by me. I was thinking of grabbing pizza at John’s.” 

Ethan nodded in response, saying, “Sounds good.”

“Cool,” I nodded back. “You ready or…?”

“Let me grab my things,” he stood, collected his things and headed to his room.

Less than two minutes later we headed out of the apartment together, walking side by side. Though this time wasn’t like earlier. There wasn’t the blind determination and need to impress like this morning. Right now we were two people who used to know one another going out to dinner in a spectacular converted synagogue.  

***

For anyone who doesn’t know John’s, it’s a local family-style pizza joint. There’s three restaurants around the city and the Times Square location is by far the best. Every time I have a hot minute to spare I try to go - the stained glass and craftsmanship of the building is everything! But you don’t want to hear about that… and neither did Ethan when I tried to fill the silence during our walk with all the reasons to love this place. For some reason he preferred to barge and weave in silence. 

Whatever. 

Lucky enough he was more chatty once we were seated. 

Our table was in the mezzanine with not much of a view besides the stone staircase in the corner and the large dome towering above. The dim lighting complimented the deep wooden table and beige upholstered seating. 

We ordered. And without the menu to keep our attention, I tried my hand at conversation once more.  

“Be honest, how did we do?”

Looking me in the eyes, ones that mirrored mine, showed such confidence and pride as he said his next words;

“You handled it well, Becca.” There was a tug at the corners of his mouth that pulled at my own. I was about to get a rare Ramsey smile - one I’ve been devoid of for far too long. 

“Dare I even say, like a natural.” 

I got to revel in the small compliment for a few moments as the server brought over our food - garlic knots, small veggie pizza, and a chef’s side salad. 

“I didn’t stutter too much or come off too young?” I couldn’t help but ask when it was just us two again. His opinion matters more than anyone else’s when it comes to my career. 

“You did.” 

“But you -” 

He cut me off, a slight shake of his big head, “You are young and this was your first keynote.” he clarified. And once more he said pridefully, “You did well.” 

After what felt like ages we shared a private smile. How he was able to bring me back into myself with a few words and stop fussing over imposter syndrome is a wonder.  

“Now eat some pizza and be happy.” 

My smile grew to a goofy one by the way he was looking at me, bemused. I refrained from sticking my tongue out and dug into a little slice of heaven. “Don’t have to tell me twice.”

We dug in. Letting the flavors dance over my taste buds and make me only as happy as a New York slice could make me. No amount of fantastic sex could compare to pizza. Everything kind of disappeared - time stopped while the first bites settled in my tummy. Even Ethan looked to be enjoying it even though it’s not fancy smancy and artery clogging. 

Eventually I broke our companioned silence;

“How was lunch with Chief Fredericks?” I asked as I reached for a scrumptious ball of garlicy dough. 

The response left his lips so swiftly he didn’t even bother to look up from his plate; 

“Informative.”

I scoffed at the non-answer answer. 

My little grumble pulled him out of his bubble and he looked over at me - those damn baby blues challenging my thoughtfully indecent outburst. I just gave him a look right back. 

Ethan rolled his eyes and reached for another slice. Cutting it up with a fork and knife like an absolute weirdo.  

“He heard about the state budget cuts. Wanted to know what I think and if I’d be open to consult every so often.” 

“And?” I probed. 

“And what? You know how I feel about the future of Edenbrook.” 

“Yes. But if it goes under, what do you think you’ll do? I mean, everyone’s going to be throwing themselves at you.” 

I shoved some greenery in my gob to keep from adding the jarring truth. 

Everyone throws themselves at you. 

But who he gives his attention to is another story.  

Ethan shrugged ever so nonchalantly, “I haven’t thought about it.” 

The cavalier way he was speaking of his life after Edenbrook had thrown me off. Ethan was never this laid-back. It just wasn’t in his nature. There’s always something for this man to stress over. And Edenbrook’s closing should be his anxiety numero uno. 

But here he was, ever so calm. 

Hmm... 

“Are you in denial?” I said through a bite, fully anticipating another non-answer.  

“Maybe.” 

The way he said it took me aback. It was inherently honest and soft. All of his jagged features were rounded and there was a dulled little twinkle in his eye. 

Yeah, something’s going on here he’s not telling me.  

“Ethan -” 

And of course he deflects by turning the conversation on me; “What are you going to do?” 

Keeping from rolling my eyes at his obvious deflection from roaming into his feelings deeper, I replied, “Transfer my residency.” 

“Where?” 

“I…” - dammit - “don’t know.”

I haven’t really dwelled on what happens when the hospital closes. Obviously I need to finish residency if I want to be an actual practicing doctor. But the matching process can go screw itself. I don’t never ever want to do that again - all I cared about was matching with the best. And I did. So who’s the second best now? 

Is it wherever he goes?  

There’s just so much to think about, and I’d really rather not. Not until the last few nails are lined up against the coffin. 

“See,” he said with a hint of a lopsided grin, “Neither of us are ready to leave Edenbrook behind.” 

He was right. Of course he’s right. You didn’t need to be a diagnostician or even a doctor to see that we’re holding out hope of a buyout. 

I’ve just gotten to Edenbrook - only a few months into my dream career with my dream boss - and now, what? It’s all over before it even really began? No. I can’t accept that. 

There was a beat of silence as we both reached for the salad tongs, our hands brushing on accident. Both our eyes shot to bear witness to the contact, pulling us out of whatever ran wild through our thoughts and into this new, secluded moment. Everything around us dulled in the distance; the sounds swirling in the air muted and like a faint breeze. The warm lighting dimmed further, yet there was a spotlight on the salad bowl. The greens and reds and purples of the ruffage illuminated like it was the only thing that mattered. Like right now the earth was spinning just for this moment of closeness. 

Surprisingly, neither of us made a motion to move. His large hand overlapping my dainty fingers, the metal underneath the pads of my fingers warming up instantly. Electricity still coursed through me like the very first time. Except now it carried the memories of all the other times and places he set me aflame. 

I had to be the one to pull back. 

Almost, like it needed time to comprehend why the moment was intentionally ruined, the atmosphere around us began to revert back slightly. I could hear the idle chatter of those around us now. I could see the full picture of Ethan sitting across from me and all the individuals pattering around behind him. What couldn’t pretend to go back and hung off kilter was the beating in my chest - I could feel the electricity coursing through my veins and putting my heart through the ringer. 

Ethan made up for it by serving me. 

Does he know he still has such an effect on me?  

Quick! I needed to divert my thoughts off of the creeping flush and want from taking hold. So I went back to talking about work, our safe topic. 

“If you could work anywhere else in the world where would it be?” I asked.  

Ethan took a moment to think as he served himself some salad. He looked like he was actually thinking of an answer, maybe, for the first time he’s digested the hospital’s fate. 

“I think the next logical step would be the Mayo Clinic. They’re the best diagnostics in the world.” His eyes diverted back down to his plate and, after a beat, he added, “I also wouldn’t mind spending more time on missions with The WHO.”

My eyes searched his as they looked anywhere but where I was seated across from him, trying to find any sort of fault in his features. Something, anything, that I could hold onto. Nothing. Just stupid sincerity. The first fucking time in weeks he actually lets us talk about his time in the Amazon I can’t be mad at him.  

“You really enjoyed your time there, huh?” 

“It…” he hesitated, choosing his words carefully. 

We’ve wandered into emotional territory and we both needed to tread carefully. I need to remember that he was never mine, as much as I felt like his from our first kiss. Need to recall that back then everything was drawn out in plain sight. Our end was always just that - an end. I Need to forgive. And try to remember that at one point he did try to fight for me, in his round-a-bout noncommittal way, and I was the one to end things officially. 

We both need to forgive. Especially if these are the last few months we have working together. 

“Was important work and I got to make a difference in the lives of thousands of indigenous people.” Ethan took another small pause for breath. When he continued, his deep baritone voice was lower, “Even if my intentions for going were skewed, it was an opportunity of a lifetime.” 

The simplest thing to do would be to nod, or eat - distract myself - or even change the subject. To try not to dwell on the implications of the statement. But I couldn’t. My body tensed and the warmth from moments before fled completely. 

We were silent. The brutal truth of why he left stinging just as much as it did the day I found out. 

Minutes, many many minutes passed with me finding solace in sweet savory carbs and Ethan pushing things around on his plate. 

Eager to change the subject there was one other topic of the day I was endlessly curious to know more about; 

“So, what’s the deal with Dr. Schwab?” 

“Don’t.” He dismissed, his authoritative voice seeping through just a tad. Though I’d like to think he’s smart enough not to use it with me outside of Edenbrook.  

“If you don’t tell me I’ll be forced to fabricate my own. I’m feeling a one-night stand gone wrong.” 

He looked back down at his food. 

“Oh my god, I’m right.” The smile that erupted literally took over my entire face. I could not hide it even if I tried.  

“Rebecca,” he tried to scold. 

“Now you have to tell me.” 

Just like earlier he turned the conversation back on me; “What’s with the frat boy?” 

“Ryan was never in a fraternity,” I responded, not hiding the grin that formed by putting Ethan in his place. “He’s a jock though.” 

He expelled a dry laugh, “I don’t think that’s any better.” He took a bite of his salad. Something radiated off of Ethan I couldn’t quite place. 

“We were close in high school,” I added for reasons I’m not quite sure why. Like that explained who Ryan was and why he came back into my life now, of all times.  

Ethan made a condescending, “mhm”. 

I rolled my eyes; “We had a thing for a while, okay.” I conceded. “We grew apart senior year, and then I went off to college. Last night was the first time we’ve spoken in, like, eight years.” 

Ethan made absolutely no reactions to the statement. Not even a stupid wiggle of his dumb perfect eyebrow. 

Is he even paying attention? 

“Now tell me about Schwab - sorry, Hilary,” I coaxed.  

Ethan’s hand flew to the bridge of his nose and up to carefully rub his eyes. 

This has gotta be good. 

I waited patiently and eagerly for this story. She couldn’t have been Ethan’s type and yet… What happened!? 

Eyes still shut tight, he grumbled, “What’s there to tell?” 

“Obviously something happened,” I couldn’t help but mock, “You slept together!” 

“Yes, and it’s something I do not like to dwell on.” 

“Sorry, buddy, but it looks like she does.” 

He groaned. Then shifted in his chair. Ethan took a long drag of his drink. And just when I figured he was going to wait this out until one of us changed the subject, he spoke; 

“A moment of weakness a few years back. And she was…” 

Ah! It’s actually happening! Ethan’s telling a salacious story! 

Shifting in my seat and placing my head in my hands to give him my full attention; My brows and smile grew as I finished the sentence for him, “Eager?” 

He scowled. 

“Jesus Christ, Ethan, just tell me what happened!” 

“I will not go into details.” 

“Fine.” I made a motion with my hand for him to continue without the juicy details. 

“Harper and I had just ended things for good not long before…” 

We ended up going back and forth for a while - Ethan not wanting to give anything up and me pulling as much as I could out of him. Long story short, Ethan was in a weird mental state after breaking up with Harper for the hundredth and final time in their six year relationship. He took up a conference opportunity to get away for two nights. Knowing how much he loves people, Ethan spent most of his time drowning his senses at the hotel bar. And low and behold, enter Hillary. 

From the sounds of it she was agreeable and very very forward. And Ethan was so lost in liquor that her voice didn’t irritate him as much as it did the next morning, and every single time they were in close proximity thereafter. Hillary had been going through a separation with her husband and needed a distraction just as bad. Really, who could blame her? Toting Ethan around would be the best revenge. 

The first night of his stay was fine - apparently the sex was satisfactory and she didn’t do anything remarkably memorable. Or so he says. I still think she looks like a squawker. He didn’t linger around long after before retreating to his hotel room. Then the next afternoon he was bored and weak and agreed to lunch. And lunch turned into drinks which turned into round two. In his room. And she didn’t leave. She wasn’t leaving. So Ethan bought an earlier plane ticket, and shook her awake before checking out. 

And every conference since she seems to want to entertain a rematch. 

“Oh my god, you’re horrible!” I exclaimed ever delightfully. This was hilarious! 

“I shouldn’t really be surprised. You flew to another continent after we slept together.” Shaking my head, a stupid little smirk on my lips I asked, “Have you ever had a one night stand before?” 

“Wha - of course I have!” 

“One’s that didn’t end up with you getting on a plane?” 

He leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. “If you must know, I’ve had my fair share in undergrad.” 

Now it was my turn to send a condescending “mhm” his way. 

We spoke longer and polished off our plates - not a single crumb remained. This was nice. Really nice getting to be close to him again and just being friends. Telling stories and exchanging playful jabs here and there. It’s how I fell for the idiot in the first place. 

Baby steps.     

-

Two hours after we arrived the server came over with the bill. 

She was friendly and lovely the whole meal. The best part about her style of service is that she let us just exist and didn’t check up all that often. When she did I could tell she overheard someone of the crap Ethan and I were spewing. She had one of those knowing smiles, like she was in on our jokes the entire time. 

“Can I just say, you guys are adorable,” she relayed with the brightest of smiles after setting the padfolio on the table, her hands clapping together excitedly. She looked like a child who had just met Santa Claus for the first time. 

L O L she thinks we’re together.  

At that I actually laughed out loud before informing, “We’re colleagues. In town for a conference.” 

The horror on the girl's face said it all. 

“Oh! My mistake, sorry. I can split the bill for you.” She reached for the pad where it sat in front of Ethan. 

He grabbed the black leather at the same time I spoke;  

"Nope, dinner’s on him.” I cupped a hand over my mouth and pointed a not-at-all discreet thumb towards him, “He'll get reimbursed," I laughed more to myself than anything. 

She smiles, a little relieved by my warmth, then turns to look at Ethan - silently asking permission or if it’s okay that he pays. Generally looking for some sort of direction from the old man.    

He shoots the server a look. Then forks over his credit card. 

As she saunters off, I smile at him sweetly, “Thank you.” 

Of course he rolls his eyes. But that rise in the corners of his mouth says so much more. 

________________________________________

A/N: sorry it’s shit. thank you for sticking with this series 💕 we’ve just got one chapter left! 

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[ectonurites]

Conner Kent in Suicide Squad/the Infinite Frontier era: wtf is going on

Alright lads hello I just need to type out some theories/thoughts about what’s going on with my boy Kon right now. This is more for myself than anything else (just trying to organize my thoughts) but since some of y’all like to hear me talk about comics (and some of this discussion has already been happenin in my inbox) I figured i’d format it and put it on here too! its like 4k words and written over the last few days mostly at 3am. sorry <3 

this is basically just me going like

Also fair warning that like, I can be wrong and misinterpret things just as much as anyone else can, like I use panels to support why I think what I do but a lot of this stuff is subjective/complicated to understand so like... in general somethings should be taken with a grain of salt, especially because exactly what changes to the universe were made by Death Metal/Infinite Frontier haven’t been super super clearly defined yet. Also sometimes comic writers make the most random nonsensical shit happen, so I as a fan am also allowed to theorize about random nonsensical shit.

But to start: let’s backtrack!

Many months ago when Infinite Frontier was first announced they dropped some promotional art, and I remember being a little confused because. Well:

(Variant Cover spread for Justice League (2018) #59)

(Variant Cover spread for Superman (2018) #29)

Notice how Conner is back to his Teen Titans 2003 look up top, but in his YJ 2019 look at the bottom? This seemed weird to me! But then they announced that Conner would be part of the Suicide Squad ongoing title, in the T-shirt look, so I wrote this discrepancy off in my brain as ‘oh I guess that cover was just the last hurrah for punk Kon’ and moved on with life.

In Suicide Squad right away we learn he’s very much so there against his will:

(Suicide Squad (2021) #1)

Which corroborates more or less what we were also shown in Future State: Suicide Squad, although admittedly it tells... a slightly different version of the events. When I first saw both of these together I just chalked it up to being a bit inaccurate as it’s shown as a memory in Future State:

(Future State: Suicide Squad #2)

Issue 2 we saw him in action with the Squad, trying to do his best to still be a hero despite the team, but things get a little more interesting in the following issue. It starts off with an account of his history

(Suicide Squad (2021) #3)

This page gave me a few immediate red flags, mostly minor things that had to do with coloring, so more irl problems than things to take seriously in-universe (Kon’s pants are the wrong color in the first Superboy shot, and Bart’s Impulse costume is in Kid Flash colors instead of the correct Impulse ones) but then also it just bugged me the phrasing “he joined Young Justice” when he was a founder of the team, he didn’t join it he made it with Tim and Bart.

But again, chalked that stuff up to just.... writers/artists being inconsistent/unaware of things that they should be aware of, or even Nocturna just not being specific with details. But it did still strike me as a little odd considering the very accurate use of villains in those same shots, Scavenger who was a reoccurring bad guy from Kon’s solo days and showed up basically nowhere else (even holding the Spear of Lono and everything!) and Billy/Harm (Greta’s brother) from Young Justice.

But then a few pages later we got this:

(Suicide Squad (2021) #3)

Which is interesting. My first instinct was to think he’s being drugged w kryptonite or something thats leaving him hazy/out of it, but my thoughts on that have kinda changed, we’ll get there in a bit. But in general the context of ‘something’s wrong’ made the slight discrepancies on some details of his own history make more sense.

I also want to then bring up the next part to this story, the crossover issue in Teen Titans Academy.

(Teen Titans Academy #3)

So a few things. Does it feel weird to anyone else that Conner Kent, a known previous Titan who literally has a framed picture of himself in a case there, would set off alarm sensors like that? Wouldn’t he be... recognized as a Titan not an intruder by their sensors? Interesting! Anyways.

He looks really pained looking at that picture, and sad, and almost frustrated, which ya know makes sense and hurts my heart because he misses them! He misses his friends and being happy. 

But, importantly for a criticism I wanna make thats less theory related and more just me bein annoyed at Tim Sheridan, that’s a picture of Conner. Right there. That’s Superboy, on display at Teen Titans Academy, so the people who frequent this building would know who he is and what he looks like and be able to recognize him, he’s even in the same outfit and everything. Alinta recognized him at the end of Suicide Squad #3. 

So why does only one person during this big fight then comment on his presence?? Why doesn’t it get a bigger reaction???

(Teen Titans Academy #3)

And after the fight we don’t see any on panel moment of Wallace going up to the staff Titans (who weren’t present for the fight) and saying like “HEY NIGHTWING UHHH SUPERBOY WAS WITH THE SUICIDE SQUAD?” we just see him talking with his friends upset about Crush leaving. We see Alinta talking to them but we don’t see the exact dialogue. So I do just wanna take the writer by the shoulders and shake him a little bit and ask WHY because that just feels like... something you’d wanna address on panel! This is like the first time since joining the squad that Kon’s at all in contact with people from his life before Waller got involved, I feel like not addressing those people’s reactions to it/not discussing it at least a little bit on panel (especially when Conner CAME UP in the previous TTA issue, Dick brought him up and everything!!!) is a really odd choice. Maybe it’ll happen next issue and i’m just impatient, but who knows. Anyways, gripes with Sheridan aside, lets move on.

I wanna bring up how Conner... doesn’t really respond to Wallace’s question? At all? Except to just fight him off, not even an attempt at a ‘Sorry’ or anything? (the ‘Ha! That all you got?!’ seems to be coming from Culebra not Conner, although the placement of the bubble is vague enough it could be that it was supposed to be Conner? but it seems more like what she’d say, especially as she’s grabbing Emiko like that) That just feels weird. It feels off. In general he speaks so little in Suicide Squad #3 and this issue. Tbh it almost feels like he doesn’t really recognize Wallace which I mean I suppose they never exactly met (they would have theoretically during Death Metal, basically all past/present Titans were together for a while during that), but Kon’s been back in existing long enough he’d have a sense of who current heroes are anyways.

But right, so, lots of little things that feel weird... that gets us caught up to the most recently released comics... but in this household we look at solicits as they drop. Which gives us some info on what’s coming up a few months ahead of time, albeit without full context obviously. Issues #4 and #5 don’t mention Conner in their descriptions or show him on the covers at all, because there’s just other plot things going on, so ya know seems things will be quiet for him for a bit.

But then we got the August solicitations and oh BOY it’s a doozey for him! And some things start to kinda connect perhaps!

I want to just take a moment to look at that specific wording. “The teen calling himself Conner Kent” I’m probably reading too much into it but that feels deliberate, like why wouldn’t you just say ‘Conner Kent’? Usually these kinds of descriptions are trying to keep a low word count, not add in extra words that don’t need to be there. It makes it feel like that’s a name he’s using that... doesn’t actually belong to him.

So the theory I want to propose (that has been floating around already) is that based on these covers and the description, and how the Conner we’ve been seeing in Suicide Squad apparently talks about his own personal history like he’s ‘reading a wikipedia entry’ and had little response to people he should be aware of like Wallace and apparently isn’t recognized as a Titan through a bio-scan and also bearing in mind those initial promo arts with two separate looks at the same time for him... I think we're looking at a situation where the Conner in Suicide Squad so far has actually been a clone of original Conner (like... like he’s Match 2.0 or somethin) the whole time, that’s just not aware he’s not the original. 

Now that’s the base theory I wanna work with and build off of, but there’s MANY different directions that could go in/ways that could work.

For example, one idea is that the Conner we saw in #1 who was chained up is the original Conner, and he’s been being cloned and held captive, so everything else with Conner in Suicide Squad so far has been this Match 2.0 

Another idea could be the original Conner in #1 is also the Conner in #2 who Waller had then commented wasn’t ready during the mission in Arkham and had zapped with a lil Kryptonite, and after that moment she took him off the field because his spirit hadn’t been broken enough to be obedient (as he was a lot quieter in Issue #3 & the TTA crossover compared to #2, and #3 is when the Nocturna thing with the history happened)

Or it could even be original Conner in #1, then in #2 was one clone that wasn’t ‘ready’ that after that point she stopped using him, and switched to a diff clone for #3, because like that first cover did show a LOT of clones. That could be more just ‘artistic interpretation’ or something, covers sometimes do exaggerate/mislead, but it also could indicate we’re looking at a lot of clones.

(Suicide Squad (2021) #2)

With all of those in mind I also wanna bring up this little bit from Future State Suicide Squad:

(Future State: Suicide Squad #2)

Again Future State is a ‘possible future’ so stuff from it isn’t set in stone, but the idea of ‘she still has his YJ 2019 outfit somewhere’ makes me think it could be something along the lines of like, Clone!Conner finds original Conner and frees him and he gets back his YJ outfit, which could lead to like the imagery on that variant cover/the idea from my very first part of this post where I was talking about Kon being shown in both outfits in different places.

Alternatively entirely from all that, another option is that she maybe got ahold of what was needed to clone Kon, but doesn’t even have the original Kon in her possession. (again with the Future State thing, she could be lying since elsewhere in Future State we did also see a copy of YJ 2019 Kon’s costume in one of the Jon-focused Future State comics in a display case 🤷‍♂️) Which could also lead to that confrontation on the variant cover & the promo art thing... and could also explain why we have seen nothing about anyone looking for him, because in that sort of scenario he wouldn’t have even been missing in the first place.

There’s a lot of possibilities! It’s still too early to solidly know anything, but I feel pretty confident we’re entering another cloning related plot with our Clone Boy so it’s... ya know. Clone time. On the one hand it’s annoying because god we have done clone/multiple Kons plots before. We’ve done them so much.

BUT on the other hand, I think it could be interesting to use this situation to tie into some older stuff from pre-reboot that I can see some connections to, because due to Infinite Frontier altering the world and people’s memories it’s all technically fair game storytelling-wise again (and like, the use of Scavenger specifically in that flashback way above, who’s not a super well known villain in general, makes me think maaaaybe the writer did do some of their Kon homework)

Something also just dawned on me that i’m not quite sure what it means but still is worth mentioning: The Conner here in Suicide Squad is back in his Teen Titans Vol. 3 outfit, and his history as he tells it stops during Teen Titans Vol. 3. And doesn’t... mention when he died? It feels like it... stopped before that, because like I feel if he was telling his life history (even the wiki version LMAO) the part where he died and came back would be pretty important to bring up?? And Nocturna specifically says that he didn’t explain how that stuff from TT Vol. 3 then led to him in his current situation. That’s a pretty big gap (like uhhh everything from resurrection until he got lost on Gemworld + all the rest of the Young Justice 2019 stuff?) So like.. there could be something funky going on here that has to do with that. 

Similarly when he flashes back in Future State: Suicide Squad to his past it also goes right from Teen Titans Vol. 3 to the current Suicide Squad run? Like I get it’s one page so they can’t show that much, but the fact that there’s now two places that flash back to that same specific time period and nothing past it until the Suicide Squad feels just... noticeable! Not concretely indicative of something, but noteworthy.

(Future State: Suicide Squad #2)

Like...this almost has me thinking maybe it could be something where like, they tampered with his dead body and cloned from that? BECAUSE, for those of you who may not be familiar with how Kon’s resurrection (during Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds) worked, when he came back there was time travel involved! He was brought back to life in the future (like. Legion of Superheroes era) because it was a process that took that thousand or so years to work/heal him (essentially because of his hybrid dna the process that healed Clark when he had died back in Death of Superman/Reign of the Supermen in the 90s just took a lot longer, but its the same Kryptonian healing chamber thing) meaning when he came back to the present alive again, his dead body was still also in the present just in it’s process of healing. Meaning especially if we’re bringing back stuff from before the reboot, Kon likely has his dead body just vibing out there while he’s goin around living life 🤷‍♂️

SO them doing something related to that could explain the choice to put him back in the T-shirt (since thats what he wore in the era his brain would be caught up to if we’re relating this to when he died) and why he’d recognize himself in a group photo with Bart, Cassie and Tim but maybe not someone like Wallace who didn’t exist back then. I don’t know, this branch of thought is still half baked. Will maybe come back and elaborate on this later. But I’m now really thinking there might be a connection to the early Teen Titans Vol. 3 era specifically because of it being referenced twice in stuff with this Suicide Squad.

ANYWAYS moving on, this is probably a shot in the dark and I only thought of it because I just was reading 90′s Superboy, but right away when thinking about ‘Amanda Waller’ and ‘Cloning Kon’ I was reminded of some stuff about the circumstances around the first clone that was made of Conner: Match.

(Superboy (1994) #35)

Match was created by an organization called ‘The Agenda’, that was after a while primarily under the control of The Contessa, Lex Luthor’s ex-wife, aided by Amanda Spence who had a personal grudge against Kon bc her dad was Paul Westfield the guy Kon was originally cloned from (before the Lex/Clark retcon). They were the big bad guys of an arc called The Evil Factory in Superboy (where Cadmus personnel got replaced with clones) which also then tied into the Sins of Youth event over in Young Justice (Remember how Match was posing as Superboy for a while there? yeah). After those plot lines finished the Agenda was pretty defeated (Amanda Spence was still out there and came back later but still) and... who got their hands on the remaining Agenda tech?

(Superboy (1994) #87)

Why none other than Amanda Waller herself!

If they re-canonized pieces of this (which also tied into Young Justice which ya know, YJ 2019 was all about re-establishing stuff from YJ even before Death Metal happened soooo) it would totally make sense for Waller to have complete access to the exact technology used to clone Conner before. 

Now, a thing to consider here though is what happened to Kon after he’d been cloned that first time, where his DNA got all destabilized by the process (and he needed to go through a procedure with Roxy as a genetic template to keep him together, which was how he got stuck at age 16 for a while). This was something where he was fine for a period of time before the side effects began to kick in. Now, I think it’s worth mentioning that was also back in the days where he was not yet Lex & Clark’s clone, but still Paul Westfield’s. So there could easily be a ‘now that certain Kryptonian genes have kicked in as he got his newer powers it doesn’t destabilize him the same way’ reasoning or something along those lines to avoid this problem. Alternatively, it could be an interesting thing to embrace rather than retcon away, especially if we’ve been seeing Clone Conner in action and Original Conner hasn’t been in our focus, things could be wrong with him that we just don’t know about.

Another branch of thinking that I think is even MORE a shot in the dark but could be interesting (or again even related to what I just said, could be a combo of things) is if this somehow ended up related to those clones that were reverse engineered from the remains of Match from the very end of Teen Titans Vol. 3

(Teen Titans (2003) #99)

All of them were then taken down with Kryptonite and killed in battle (by Rose & Damian) 

(Teen Titans (2003) #100)

But like... idk man if Waller got her hands on those corpses or even just the data from Dr. Caligan that he extracted from Match to make them... that could also be a potential way to make some new Conner clones, and that could be why the bio-scan thing at Titans Tower wouldn’t work properly because of the thing he says above about it not being a “complete match’

One thing I don’t think is the case, but has been brought up to me, is stuff with New 52 Kon. I’ve talked extensively about New 52 Kon in recent weeks because I read through all his stuff, but the thing that makes me shy away from him being part of this situation is the fact that... he’s not interchangeable with Kon the way I think some people think he is. He wouldn’t visually be recognized as Original Kon because he is literally on a genetic level a separate person. They’d prob look related, sure, like they’d pass for brothers because they both have Clark’s DNA, but New 52 Kon has Lois’ DNA and Original Kon has Lex’s. New 52 Kon would likely look more like Jon, rather than Kon. Lois specifically commented in an Action Comics issue that Kon had some resemblance to Lex, even. So like, things like Wallace recognizing him or him looking at his own matching reflection alongside the group picture at the Tower... those wouldn’t happen the same way if this was New 52 Kon.

Now I think it coooould theoretically be possible for Waller to have gotten her hands on that future N.O.W.H.E.R.E. cloning tech that had been used to make New 52 Kon, like I wouldn’t rule that out. Because she knows where the remains of their bases are as shown in Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #16-17, and like, Harvest is dead so she could easily just send teams out there to gather shit if she wanted. 

Onto some other things I don’t think are actually related but that I was reminded of/wanted to address:

I feel i’d be a bad timkon fan if during all of this discussion of past stories with cloning Kon I didn’t even bring up Tim’s cloning attempt stuff, but I think it would ultimately be unrelated. His tech was stolen from Luthor, and his attempts didn’t succeed because he was trying to build from scratch without Cadmus’ the data about how they altered the DNA from the original process. 

(Teen Titans Vol. 3 #34)

Then that initial cover for the annual really reminded me of part of the Hollow Men story from Superboy Vol. 5 just with like... Kon in a room full of copies of himself. I don’t think this story would be related either because it was more magic Tannarak stuff rather than regular cloning, but ya know. It’s the imagery.

(Superboy Vol. 5 #9)

It also really reminded me of the stuff from Hyper-Tension which was hypertime stuff not cloning but again just... visually.

(Superboy Vol. 4 #62)

In general I don’t think we’re EVER gonna see Black Zero or any of these multiverse Superboys again LMAO.

To try to sum up all of this in a way that might make sense here’s kinda a... flowchart of some of my main ideas for what the cloning situation could be/how the logic could work. Again this is borrowing stuff from across continuities because Infinite Frontier means theoretically anything’s fair game. (Also I don’t think I mentioned this earlier but I do mention it in the chart, but I think it’s also reasonable that Waller could get her hands on Cadmus tech if Cadmus is like properly made canon again. She just has funky government connections!)

Also I just now thought of this now several hours after I already made the chart and I don’t wanna remake it so sorry not incorporating it there but I remembered there was also that bit during House of Kent where Clark took Kon to the Hall of Justice and they were running some tests on him, so I’m thinking it’s also possible Waller got ahold of that data/that might be how she found out about Kon in the first place for this timeline. And they indicated that there was something wrong with him there, where he might eventually lose his powers or something, so maybe she tried to do cloning stuff to be able to have a copy of Superboy in his prime or something??? before that started kicking in. I don’t know, just more things to consider:

(Action Comics (2016) #1028)

ANYWAYS in conclusion: there is clone fuckery of some sort happening, I’m curious where it’s gonna go, and I just want Kon to be okay.

If you actually read this uhm. props to you bc this probably makes no sense to anyone but me its just word vomit <3 

[sp-ud]

Waking Up

AO3 Link

Inspired by this post: Link

And my own post about this concept: Link

Content Warnings: Panic Attacks, Memory Loss

Words: 1817

Ranboo suddenly finds himself back in reality with his hands in the middle of braiding his own hair. Not the worst thing he’s woken up to after Enderwalking. He lets out a sigh as he continues braiding his hair, eyes drifting towards the ceiling as he reflects on what he can remember doing while Enderwalking.

Wuh oh.

---

This is basically me sharing my theories about Enderwalking in fic format. That's kinda it. I took my theories, and wrote em as a fic.

I also posted this at 3am which is why it took me till 2pm to make a proper Tumblr post about it.

Ranboo suddenly finds himself back in reality with his hands in the middle of braiding his own hair. Not the worst thing he’s woken up to after Enderwalking. He lets out a sigh as he continues braiding his hair, eyes drifting towards the ceiling as he reflects on what he can remember doing while Enderwalking.

Wuh oh.

Quickly tying off the braid he grabs the memory book. Reading through page 13 again. “New table”? Axe feeling lighter? Eye inside a block? Eye that looks his? Now, Ranboo might not know a lot about his Enderman heritage, but he knows a portal when he's described one.

Lightly smacking his face, Ranboo tries to shift through the foggy memories he always has after Enderwalking. Memories where he feels like a passenger, not the one experiencing it. He… he was mining. Just chatting with those particles of his, when he came across an exposed stronghold. He went to investigate… finding the portal but not recognizing it in his Enderwalk state.

Ranboo starts to head downstairs as he digs through his memories more, he’d… he’d realized the portal would probably help with the experiments he did while Enderwalking but had left to build a lab another day.

… Has he already built the lab? Yes, he has. Replacing the stone walls with iron and setting up what he’d discovered as ‘the solution’ to Enderwalking. Without having to remember, Ranboo can already tell he hadn’t gone through with it while Enderwalking. Otherwise, he would have woken up in the lab. Or in his bed from respawning, after all, his Enderwalking self didn’t seem to realize some of the multiple flaws in his solution.

But Ranboo is too scared to correct his Enderwalking self. It’s already taken him ages to convince his Enderwalking self that he isn’t some evil dissociative state that committed war crimes he can’t remember. He doesn’t want to imagine how it’d go over trying to inform his Enderwalking state he has it backward.

Sliding down into his basement he quickly mines through the wall to get the experiment log he's written in Ender. Flipping all the way to the last page where he’s written the solution. He pulls out a pen from his pocket and holds it hesitantly over the page.

He knows how he is when Enderwalking. A paranoid anxious mess with less than half of his memory. If he sees this when Enderwalking, he’d freak out, he’d get suspicious, and then probably do it anyways.

Reluctantly, he hides the experiment log back away, sealing it back behind stone bricks. He has to tell someone he both trusts out of Enderwalk, and in Enderwalk.

Which is admittedly a short list of people. Phil would be good, but the old man would likely ask too many questions he doesn't know how to answer. Techno, while also a good option, is also currently hibernating. And would likely pass the message onto Phil.

Niki would be an option if the two crossed paths more often, and Tommy has so many issues of his own right now, he doesn't need Ranboo's. The particles, while well meaning, are honestly more of a nuisance who would likely just increase any suspicion.

Which only really leaves one other person, Tubbo. Who, while Ranboo loves his husband, still isn't the perfect option for this, is the best he honestly has.

Someone he trusts, who will listen, who will understand, and who'll actually be able to help. The only issue is Tubbo himself might want to experiment, Ranboo personally still is a little salty over the whole electric chair thing. But hopefully the moobloom-hybrid wilk put aside his scientific interests for the sake of Ranboo's wellbeing.

Not wanting to waste any more precious time he has before falling back into Enderwalk, Ranboo leaves his house as fast as he can after quickly snapping on his armor.

The journey to Snowchester is quick, one he likes to thinks he'd still know even if he had no memories. By the time the water tunnel has shot him back out, it feels like barely a minute has passed since he woke up.

Letting his enchanted armor drip off the water, Ranboo quickly starts towards the mansion where, if his memory serves him right, should be where Tubbo is currently.

"TUBBO!" He shouts as soon as he enters the mansion, yelling being the most efficient way to locate someone in the massive building. His long ears strain themselves to listen for a shout back.

"I'M IN THE UPSTAIRS GUEST ROOMS!" The ender-hybrid hears distantly, darting up the stairs as fast as he can. "THE ONES NEAR OUR ROOM!" Tubbo shouts once more, Ranboo quickly taking a left.

He almost bumps into Tubbo as the moobloom-hybird steps out into the hallway. Luckily scrambling to a stop just before bowling the smaller teen over. He rests a hand against the wall, somewhat hunching over as he tries to catch his breath.

"You good bossman? Something wrong?" Tubbo asks, taking a small step towards Ranboo. The taller huffs a few more breaths before holding his other hand up to tell Tubbo to wait a second.

"It's…" he starts, before taking a deep breath and straightening up, "It's… oh God, I was so focused on getting here quickly that um, didn't really think through how to explain this all…" his tail flicks restlessly behind him.

Tubbo hums to himself for a second, "This is a sit-down kind of thing, isn't it?" Ranboo gives a small nod, "Good thing I just set up yet another 'sitting area earlier today, come on," the brunette grabs Ranboo's hand and gently drags him further down the hallway before opening a door with dramatic flourish.

It's another room consisting of multiple sofas and chairs around a coffee table. The amount of rooms they have that look like this is honestly concerning, but at least Tubbo has enough eye for design that they all are clearly different. Much less confusing than the identical empty rooms Foolish left them with.

Ranboo all but collapses onto one of the couches, Tubbo taking a seat across from him. The brunette's mouth is twisting in worry, nose scrunching up as watches Ranboo through messy bangs.

"Okay," a sigh escapes the ender-hybrid, "I, I guess the best place to start would be… explaining my… condition?" He still isn't sure what the right term for Enderwalking is as there's next to no public documents on the topic. "So, you know how I have bad memory?"

A slight snort before a nod tell Ranboo to continue, "Well that's, that's just one symptom of my, condition. The Enderwalk. It's genetic, I'm pretty sure. There's uh, not much known about it," Ranboo starts messing with the furred tip of his tail, "But it's basically a, a state I go into? I guess? And it…" he trails off.

How does he explain to his best friend, his husband, that the 'him' he always interacts with isn't 100% 'him'. His mouth hangs open before snapping shut, shaking his head a little. Tubbo won't hate him for something out of his control, Tubbo is reasonable, he's smart, he's a good person.

Another glance at Tubbo shows that the moobloom-hybrid now has a serious look on his face, leaning forward, waiting for Ranboo to continue.

"It doesn't just affect my memory. It, it can affect my judgment, my reasoning. And it worsens with age," Ranboo focuses his gaze back down to his tail flicking in his own grasp, "and, don't get me wrong, I'm still me when Enderwalking I'm just…" he loses his words again. Letting a silence fall over the room.

"Okay," Ranboo looks up. Tubbo has a hand to his chin in thought. "okay, I get what you're saying. Plenty of species have illnesses like that," the ender-hybrid nods, "and I'm glad you told me but, why now?" A hint of light blue eyes peer through messy bangs, "did something happen?"

"More like… something's been happening but it's, it's close to becoming worse." He shifts on the couch, once again struggling to find the right words, "I'm Enderwalking all the time… I'd say that you uh, you probably see me Enderwalking more than you see me normally," he pauses to swallow. "When Enderwalking I, I dont realize I'm Enderwalking," a humorless laugh escapes him. "I don't even have half of my memories then. I managed to forget what Enderwalking even is! And somehow," his voice is starting to go static with anger, "I managed to come up with the name again, while Enderwalking, to explain my normal state!"

He hunches over, burying his head between his knees as he lets out static-filled laughs. His ears no longer hearing anything other than a growing buzz. Hands gripping and twisting his hair as his laughs start to devolve into something more like sobs.

A light weight settles over his shoulders and back, hands slowly unclenching his hair to drift down to wrap the blanket around himself. He feels a head rest itself on his shoulders, following the deep breaths he can feel carefully. His tail loosely wraps around a waist before small hooved finger tips start bruising through it.

"Sorry," he mutters. Tubbo hums, leaning his head more onto Ranboo's shoulder.

"Nothing to be sorry about, it sounds like… a lot," Tubbo says back, "You sure you want to talk about this now big man?"

The ender-hybrid nods, tilting his head to somewhat rest on top of Tubbo's, the smaller's dull horns pressing into his face. "I don't know when I'll start Enderwalking again, I have to tell you now before I forget again."

"As long as you're sure," Tubbo replies with a shrug, but Ranboo can still hear the concern under the layer of dismissiveness.

"When Enderwalking I've, starting to experiment on myself. It's progressively gotten more… intense, to put it simply. My Enderwalking self thinks he's found a solution, to stop from 'Enderwalking' but," Ranboo pulls back, doing his best to make direct eye contact with Tubbo, "the 'solution'? It's, I know what it's going to do! It will just make the Enderwalk worse. I'll probably be down to only a quarter of my memories! I might even, even lose a life."

Ranboo's eyes loss focus as his panic starts to build before he feels Tubbo's dull horns pressing into his chest and arms wrapping him in a loose hug.

"That's what you wanted to tell me, right?" Tubbo sighs, "you want me to make sure that you don't go through with it while Enderwalking?" Ranboo lets out what's supposed to be a hum that ends up sounding more like a buzz in response.

"Don't worry bossman, you can count on me," Tubbo tightens his hug and Ranboo can slowly feel the fog that comes with Enderwalking creep in.

"I know, I always know," he responds, before letting himself drift into the fog.

[smol-and-grumpy]

EUPHORIA - Chapter 11

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: He’s Dean Winchester, owner of a shady night club. She’s a journalist who has been asked to write an article to expose the indecency and debauchery that’s going on behind closed doors. But he’s also Dean Winchester, the boy who sat next to her in class. The boy who was too cocky for his own good.

Chapter Warning: Flangst, NSFW

WC: 3946

A/N: Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.

Beta’d by @deanwanddamons​​​​​​​​ <3

This series is more than two weeks ahead on patreon!

Series Masterlist ~ SPN Masterlist

Become a Patron ~ Buy me a coffee

Once back in Dean’s loft, Y/N spends time unpacking and notices that he’s made room for her in his closet. There’s empty drawers as well as an empty coat rack by the door. 

Her heart flutters strangely in her chest. He didn’t have to but he did. What does that say about him?

After unpacking, she takes a shower to wash off the day and brushes her teeth. She slips into her panties. Just panties, because that’s what she usually wears at home, and takes a book into bed with her. She figures that she might as well try to stay up as long as possible because Dean’s on a completely different schedule to her. She can mostly work remotely and she doesn’t have fixed times that she needs to be in the office unless there’s a deadline to be met and they are usually in the evenings. Since they’re going to be roomies, she thinks that she’s going to try to adapt to his schedule.

She has a day off tomorrow anyway because Dean had asked her to. She wonders how the anniversary party will be. Apparently, there’ll be a couple of celebrities who will show up. She checked out the club’s website while at work. 

It’s about 3am when she feels so tired she can barely keep her eyes open and Dean’s still not here. 

*

Y/N wakes again when she feels something warm between her legs that makes her jerk awake, thinking that she wetted her panties. 

Dean’s looking up at her from between her thighs, face buried in her cunt, tongue lapping at her folds. 

“Oh my god, Dean,” She chokes out, already so close — hence, she realizes, the thought of peeing. 

How long has he been licking at her? She turns her head to see that it’s almost 5am. 

“Mmm-hhm,” He raises his eyebrow and looks up at her, humming as he does, while he continues to lick her, continues to fuck his tongue deep inside her pussy. He’s careful not to use his hands and she wonders if it’s because he still thinks that she’s sore. 

Her hands fists in his hair and she can’t help but grind her pussy deep into his face because she’s so close.  Oh god, he’s so good with his tongue. 

“Fuck, don’t stop,” She moans out, arches her back and basically starts to hump his face, all the shame she had before is thrown out of the window. 

She feels his arms sneak around her thighs, his big hands going underneath her ass cheek and he lifts her hips up, so he can have better access. She helps him by hooking her legs over his shoulder.

Dean’s scruff rubs along the apex of her thighs. His talented tongue licks between her folds to suck at her little stiff bud, the slurping and licking sounds loud and obscene. 

“Please don’t stop, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Her hands searches for something to hold onto, and finds it in the form of the bedsheets because Dean’s head is too far away.

“Mmm-hhm?” He hums. Is he really asking her a question now? She doesn’t know, can’t possibly concentrate.

“Fuck, I’m coming,” She breathes out and clasps one of her hands over her mouth.

“Mmm-hmm,” Dean hums, before she hears lips smacking and then a whisper, “Come for me, baby,”  before he seals his lips around her clit again to suck and nibble at her nub.

The humming. Oh god, his humming sends her over the edge and she’s shaking violently. She comes with a trembling of her thighs, squeezing Dean’s head in between.

“Oh my god,” She pants when she comes to her senses and releases him from his confines. 

Dean chuckles low, before he climbs up her body. He smells fresh, in fact, she now notices the scent of body wash in the room. She didn’t even notice that he came back and showered as she was sleeping so deeply. 

He kisses along her naked chest and nibbles along her throat, his face feels wet. He kisses her then, sucks at her bottom lip, “Sorry, I couldn’t resist,”

*

The next time she wakes up the sun’s high in the sky. Dean’s already up and dressed, but not in his usual suits. He’s wearing jeans and plaid. 

He notices her stirring and comes around with a coffee in his hand. He places it on the nightstand, “Hey,” Dean sits down, smiles bright and white. Almost too bright this early. He leans down, kisses her forehead, “I’m busy the whole day, but I’ll try to make room for you, okay?”

Right. Today’s their party. 

She yawns and buries her face deeper into the pillow, making Dean laugh softly, “‘K”

When he’s gone she gets up, thinks about taking a shower but she figures that she’ll do that later when she has to change into her dress. Oh god, she doesn’t know if she’ll have a dress suitable for the party at all. At least she can’t think of a dress off the top of her head.

Maybe she should go shopping, but she’ll see if she can get an apartment viewing appointment so that she can kill two birds with one stone.

Later, when she’s up and functioning, Dean walks in and joins her on the couch. As she finishes her call, he raises one eyebrow at her because she said that she’ll be there in an hour . 

“Where are you going?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed.

“I can go and view an apartment. And I think I need to go dress shopping. I don’t think I have anything nice to wear.”

Dean pulls her into his lap, and she can’t say that she minds. She’s come to like the place. He wraps his arms around her, places a kiss on the top of her head and leaves it there. He seems to be thinking, because he doesn’t say anything for a long while. 

“Okay,” He finally says, “I’ll send Cas with you. He has a card from the club, he can pay for the dress.”

Her eyes widen and she tilts her head to look up at him, “No, Dean.”

“Yes, Dean,” He chuckles, “I would go with you myself but I can’t get away. Just make sure that you’re back by the time the guests start to show up.” He gets up from the couch with her still in his arms and drops her back onto the couch unceremoniously, making her giggle. Dean leans down again, kisses her lips, “I just wanted to see how you were, I’m needed downstairs. I’ll tell Cas, okay? He’ll be ready when you are.”

“‘K,” She nods, and watches him leave. 

  *

  Y/N’s sitting in the car with Castiel and it’s weird, to say the least. But again, it was weird seeing Dean the first time too, although she can’t really compare. Cas was never in her class. He was two grades below her so she barely saw him. 

He drives her to her possible new apartment, and they try a little small talk to test the water. She asks him a couple of things about their school, but Cas closes up immediately. Apparently, he doesn’t like to talk about that and she makes a mental note never to bring it up again. 

“So, you like working for Dean?” She asks, figuring that if he doesn’t want to talk about his past, maybe he’ll want to talk about his present. 

Cas’ eyes light up and he smiles, “I love it.” 

He says it with so much enthusiasm, it blows her mind. 

“You don’t mind orgies and sex rooms, then?” 

“Oh,” He chuckles, “At first, yeah. But I got used to it pretty quickly. It’s really just a job, Y/N. It’s business, and it in no way represents how I am in private.”

She raises her eyebrows, “Do you take part?” It blurts out of her unintentionally and she squints her eyes, realizing that it might have been too personal. She stammers, tries to right her wrong, “It’s just… you know, uh, Dean, he said that his employees can take part if they want.”

Castiel chuckles at her helplessness, “Don’t worry, it’s okay,” He looks over to her and smiles, “I do occasionally, if I’m really in the mood. It certainly doesn’t happen every day. I don’t even think it happens every month but yeah, I do.”

Y/N bites on her bottom lip, eyes staring at the hand in her lap. She’s not sure if she should ask Cas? She isn’t sure if she wants to know the answer to the question that’s burning on her tongue. 

The car comes to a halt in front of the apartment building and instead of getting out, Cas turns to her, “You wanna ask if Dean’s done it, right?”

Well, she wants to ask, yeah, but how can she say that. She’s not sure if she wants to know the answer to it.

She trains her gaze on her hand and shrugs making Cas laugh. 

“Maybe it’ll help to ease your mind if you know that I have never seen him doing anything in the VIP rooms or in any other rooms for that matter,” Cas says, and adds, “Dean’s quite the businessman when he’s working. He doesn’t mix work with pleasure and he’s kind of private about his life and builds his reputation around it. That’s why he has me. I’m the face of the club, not him.” Cas pauses to look at her and she tilts her head, staring back at him. He grins smugly, “And if you really want to know, I’ve never seen him showing  anyone the rooms they way he showed you. Also,” He leans closer, invading her space in the car and whispers into her ear, “I knew back in school already that he had a thing for you. Everyone with a set of eyes knew it, Y/N. I didn’t think he ever stopped having a crush on you.”

Great. She’s the only one who didn’t know it then. Fabulous. She groans out and Cas laughs louder. But how does Cas know that Dean never stopped? She gnaws on her bottom lip and there’s a sudden realization.

“The classroom.”

“Exactly,” Cas nods, “He was going crazy setting it up and went above and beyond to make it as authentic as possible.”

*

The apartment is really great, at her top limit but she can technically afford it. It’s not far from her work, so that’s a pro . It’s a little further from Dean’s apartment, which is probably a con but she’s learned that one can never have it all. 

Later, Cas takes her to a boutique downtown after the viewing. Apparently it’s the place where they usually buy their costumes for the employees. 

A woman smiles brightly upon seeing Cas, but her smile falls when she sees that Y/N is with him, but maybe she’s just imagining it.

“Hey Carmen,” Cas greets the brown haired woman.

“Where’s Dean?” Is all she asks.

“Busy.” Cas answers short. Y/N can feel Cas’ hand on her lower back and he pushes her forward, “I need a dress for her,”

Carmen eyes her up and down and smirks, “Sure, what do you have in mind?”

“Uh,” Y/N starts to say, but realizes that she doesn’t fucking know. 

“Sequin, rose gold,” Cas jumps in and Y/N widens her eyes at him to which he winks, “I think that’ll suit you.”

“Oh,” Carmen says, and she dashes back into the store to come forward with a sequin dress in rose gold but the cleavage is so deep, it probably reaches to the middle of her stomach. It’s short too. It would most likely not cover the whole of her ass. 

“Carmen, we don’t want to whore her out.” Cas shakes his head, “A long dress please. Something with a slit up her leg?”

“Sure,” Carmen says and goes back. The woman doesn’t look too happy. 

  Dean walks into his loft when she just finished with her shower. 

Dammit , he’s too late. If that stupid press guy could have talked faster, he would have been here on time to join her. 

She’s standing in the bathroom, wrapped in a bathrobe, her hair wet, her cheeks flush from the warm shower. Cute is what it is, and Dean can’t stop the smile from spreading on his face. 

“Hey,” He says, hands working on his plaid. He unbuttons it and shrugs it off his shoulders, dropping it onto the bathroom floor. 

“Hi,” She smiles. Their eyes meet through the mirror.

He rids himself off his shirt and starts to undo his belt. When he’s finished, he’s naked and walks to stand behind her, lowering his face to her neck and kisses her there. She smells like summer meadow and honey. He could get used to the smell. Could get used to smelling it every day, actually. 

“You’re already finished,” He pouts a little for effect, his arms going around her waist, reaching under the robe to touch her bare skin.

“Yeah,” She smiles and turns around in his grip, “I need to keep going if I want to be finished by the time it starts.” She stands on her tip toe, leaves a kiss on his cheek before walking out. 

Dean thinks that’s probably wise of her not to let him kiss her for real, because he knows that he wouldn’t be able to resist and that would mean that he, the owner of the club, won’t be ready by the time guests start showing up. 

After a while, she walks back into the bathroom with her toiletries and starts to apply her make-up. Dean doesn’t really know why she needs it, but he knows better than to ask dumb questions. 

“How was apartment hunting?” He asks while he washes the shampoo from his hair. 

“Good,” She looks over to him, a brush in her hand and powder in the other, “I think I’ll take it. It’s affordable,”

“You know that you don’t have to take the first decent one, right? You can take your time.” He soaps up his body, avoiding scrubbing too long at his cock because it’s on half mast already just seeing her standing there.

“Dean, really, it’s great. Cas says so too,”

“Huh,” Dean exclaims, “Does he now?” Dean walks out of the shower, dries himself off with the towel and wraps it around his hips. He sees her gaze through the mirror and he smirks, “Well, if Cas says so. He knows the city, I trust him.”

He reaches out and works around her to get to his things in the cabinet and Dean thinks it’s not hard at all. Not hard to fit her into his life and work his way around her. To give her her own space and be himself at the same time.

“Cas told me his aunt used to live in the building next to that one, so I guess I’m going to be safe.” She tilts her head up to the side, grins at him and he leans down, has to kiss her to conceal that he’s been busted. She knows that he’s really afraid that she won’t be safe out there on her own. 

“When will they let you move in?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know. Probably in a couple of days. Cas knows the owner of the apartment by the way. He said that he knew the guy's son.”

That’s great isn’t it? It probably means that she’ll get special treatment and she’ll get the apartment for sure. It’s good, but it’s also bad because he’d like to keep her around longer, he’s not going to lie about that. They probably still have a couple of days. A couple of days that he gets to wake up next to her, so there’s that.

Dean applies deodorant and brushes his teeth while he watches her through the mirror. Watches her squint her eyes when she applies some mascara, her mouth twists in a weird way and he has to hold himself back so as not to laugh out loud. 

Yeah, it’s definitely easy.

*

He’s ready before her, and waits by the kitchen island for her to finish. He hasn’t seen the dress yet, but from what Cas said, she apparently looks great. Dean’s a little jealous. He would have liked to be the first one to see it on her. 

Dean’s engrossed in his phone when he hears footsteps. He looks up to see her walking towards him, a vision of rose gold, legs poking out of the slit when she walks. She looks like a dream, and Dean wishes he could ask her out to prom again, and do it properly this time around.

“You look lovely,” He says and weaves an arm around her waist when she’s close enough, pulling her closer to kiss her temple. He doesn’t want to mess up her make-up, which is a weird thought because he can bet that by the end of the night, there won’t be a lot of make-up left on her face anyway. Jesus, he’s getting hard just thinking about having her to himself after the party.

“You look great too,” She says as she smiles up at him.

“So,” Dean says, as he rubs along her naked arms, “Just to let you know. There’s going to be a red carpet. There’s going to be a lot of press and cameras. If you don’t want to do any of it, you don’t have to, alright? But, there will also be press inside, even if you aren’t exactly the center of the picture, you’re most likely going to be a part of one, and given what happened yesterday, I don’t feel good about it either. So if you want to stay in, that’s okay for me, too.”

It really is. He doesn’t lie. He’d rather have her safe than out there, giving the person who’s out for her the satisfaction in seeing them out in the open. 

“Okay,” She nods, and adds, “I’m not walking the red carpet,”

How did he know that she was going to say that? She was never one that likes to be in the center of attention and Dean can’t say he minds that.

With her next breath, she says, “But I wanna be there. You spent so much money on the dress, I don’t wanna ruin the night for you.”

“You really don’t need to worry about that.”

“Just,” She looks up, with a little crease between her eyebrows and Dean quickly kisses it away, “Don’t leave my side, okay?”

He grins before he leans down to kiss her. He doesn’t even mind now if the lipstick transfers to his lips, “I would never,”

The flashlights are blinking outside, cameras clicking loudly. It sounds like machine guns going off. People shouting for someone to look their way. It’s pretty scary if she thinks about it. She never liked having photographs taken. There weren’t many that her mother took of her while she was little either. She absolutely hated school pictures. But she remembers the old year books, remembers that Dean always had a cocky grin on his face. Also, he never minded getting his photograph taken randomly, whilst she avoided it like the plague.

Dean’s hand is still on her waist and they’re walking towards the front of the club. She hesitates when they walk outside, but she breathes a sigh of relief when she sees that they’re just off to the side and not actually on the red carpet. There are two bouncers next to them who shield the entrance of the club from curious eyes. 

He turns to her and looks down, “You wait, here, okay? Don’t go anywhere.”

“Can’t I wait inside?” She pouts, and Dean rubs his hand along her arms. Looking over his shoulder, she can see Cas already on the red carpet, smiling into the camera lenses.

“I’d rather have you where I can see you,” Dean smirks, but it’s a weak one. There’s more to his words and she wonders why he wants her where he can see her, but she can’t dwell on it or say anything because Cas already calls out for Dean and then all eyes are on her too. 

“Right, I’ll be right back,” Dean kisses her cheek before he walks over to Cas, putting the dark haired man into a playful headlock.

Y/N watches from a safe distance, having taken a couple of steps further back. She watches Dean and Cas smiling into the camera, sees them walking from one photo op mark to the other. They are joking, laughing. Both of them look so good, so carefree and relaxed. Like they were born to do this. She knew that Dean was good with cameras, but she never knew that Cas would be either. He was like her back in school. He has changed so much and she quite likes that. Maybe one day she can be like Cas. 

As soon as the pictures were taken, Dean’s quick to be by her side and guides her back inside, leaving Cas to greet the people and celebrities. She thinks she recognizes some important people too, some sports personalities, actors, politicians. She’s astounded that they want to be linked with a club like this. But again, only members know what’s really going on inside on the second floor of that building. Maybe some of them are members? She wonders if she’s seen some of the people in there. She can’t really tell, didn’t really look at their faces when they are naked and grinding on each other.

Dean walks her to the bar where Garth is serving them drinks and he lets her sit on the bar stool while he stands next to her, casually leaning one elbow on the bar top.

They watch as Garth places their drinks in front of them, a huge smile on his face.

“So, what is it about tonight?” She asks Dean. 

It might be a stupid question, because she was so wrapped up in her apartment being burgled that she never got a chance to ask. She knows that it’s the anniversary of the club, but she has no idea what to expect. She takes a sip from her martini while Dean drinks from his tumbler. Garth didn’t ask for their order, he just knew what they wanted. She’s surprised that he still remembers.

“We celebrate the fact that I have survived five years,” Dean chuckles lightly, “But it’s actually all PR,” He takes a sip from his tumbler, “We’re closed to members tonight. The party’s only down here. There are about two-hundred guests but there’ll be a lot of press people around. So, it wouldn’t hurt to smile every now and then.” His hand reaches up to thumb at her lip and she opens her mouth, sucking in his thumb, and swirls her tongue around it, making Dean groan. She then bites at it and he has to laugh. She’s laughing with him. 

He leans down further to kiss her. When he parts, Dean tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“So,” She starts to say, the grin on her face is cheeky, “You say upstairs is closed, even for me?” 

Dean looks at her and his eyes that were glistening has gotten a shade darker. He groans audibly and her smile widens, “Fuck, you’re something else, you know that?” He claims her mouth, it’s bruisingly hard, “We get the first part over with, and then I'll take you up.”

 Chapter 12

[scandeniall]

its not a date

pairing: atsumu x f!reader

summary: uh this is set in the rulers universe, but plays no relevance to the events in it. This is at least a year before those events/ you and tsumu have a bond, but he has a date that he insists isnt one

warnings: 18+, bad lang, implied sex, mention of guns, bully tsumu hours

wc: 1.4k

The breath you let out was instant as you attempted to loosen your shoulders. Back resting against the door and eyes closed, you hadn’t even noticed the guests currently splayed in different corners of your office. “Aw, is our little President tired,” Eyes opening instantly, you groaned both at the sudden light adjustment and at the men. “Why the hell are you here.” It was hardly a question as your arms came to cross over your chest. “And how did you get in here.” “Picked your lock,” Your face resorted into a scowl as a body approached yours, hand reaching for one of yours, warmth encasing it. “We’re here to watch Tsumu look like an idiot.” Your eyes drifted to the other two guests. The grayed haired twin, and friend, Suna. You ignored atsumu’s exclamation, as you opted for scolding the brunette. “Hey Suna, unless you want my foot up your ass, I suggest you get your feet off of my table.” “What did you do?” Your eyes shifted back to  the blonde who let go of your hand to just shrug. “I’m serious.” “Remember when I covered for you last month when you went on that trip to Shibuya?” Atsumu took note of your bored look, as you nod. You were just waiting for him to spit it out. He ignored the silent snickers of the other two in the room. “Well I had attend a dinner and-“ “I swear if you fucked up some relationships I will kill you myself,” your huff was accompanied with you pushing past the man to flop down on your desk chair. “Aw c’mon ya know I’d never. I’m second in command for a reason.” He quickly brushed off your remark, knowing it was harmless before clearing his throat. “One of the daughters invited me to some fancy dinner.” His words were rushed and you sensed the tiniest bit of nerves. Your face read blank as you bit back a smile. “Sorry, could you speak up. Didn’t catch that.” Your eyes caught Suna’s from across the room and all he could do was shake his head in amusement. “What, aren't ya g’na say somethin” You watched as it was Atsumu’s turn to furrow his brows in annoyance. You’d heard him and he knew it. “Have fun on your date,” you let out bluntly and the room turned comical. The other men couldn’t hold their laughs as Atsumu’s jaw dropped. A series of stutters and fumbles fell from his lips as he tried to insist it wasn’t a date. “You two. Out. Now.”

Your eyes flickered in amusement as he demanded them out practically pushing their snickering forms out before facing you red faced and annoyed. “(Y/n).” “Tsumu.” “Why do ya gotta make me look dumb in front of them,” he drags out causing you to laugh. Standing from your seat you make your way in front of him, arms immediately locking themselves around his neck, his falling to your hips. “That’s for signing the paperwork to authorize the building construction without telling me.” Your words, sickeningly sweet come out as a whisper in his ear and you feel the tightening of his fingers as you attempt to pull away. “So ya found out about that already?” Your eyes caught his only for a moment, before lips found themselves trailing up and down the side of your neck. “You’re annoying.” Yet you allowed him to continue, allowing him to lead you on top of the wooden desk. One of your hands moved to cup his cheek, thumb gently tracing over his bottom lip before pulling him in for a quick kiss. “And I’m also tired. So it’s time for you to go.” Your hands fell from his face to gently pry his wandering hands off your thighs. This time they came to rest flat on the hard surface, yet he stayed put from his place between your legs. “Ya heading home?” Shaking your head, you let out a sigh. “Not yet. I have to read over some paperwork. Get it to Kuroo by tomorrow morning. Courtesy of my parents from hell.” At that Atsumu let out a laugh. “Speaking of—I heard our parents are arranging a dinner soon-.” “No doubt to question our running,” you cut him off in annoyance, lacing your tone. “We haven’t even been in charge for a year yet.” “And look at us. About to bang on your father’s old desk.” You almost want to wipe the smirk off his face. He’s teasing. Goading you into humoring him, even if it’s for a minute. He only laughs as you insist that it was time for him to go. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your date?” Your eyebrow raises as his hands find their way back on you. You nearly lose balance as you’re pulled to the end of the desk, one of his hands securing one of your legs around him. “This is more fun,” —— “Can you at least try not to ruin the relationship with the Watanabe family,” you sigh, trailing the faintest mark on Atsumu’s collarbone. “Cover this up” The two of you had gotten redressed before Atsumu plopped down on your desk chair, promptly pulling you onto his lap. “Shouldn’t have left it (Y/N).” Atsumu hums out content, head resting on your shoulder. “M’sleepy. Long day at the office.” You can’t help the soft smile that crosses your face. He’s not too bad when he’s quiet. Sleepy Atsumu was arguably one of your favorite Atsumus. Your eyes shift towards the clock on the left hand of the wall and you sigh. Back to work and reality. You gently nudge him away, voice quiet. “Tsumu, I have to finish my work. And you’ve got your date tonight.” You can’t help but tease the last part smirking when he scowls at you. “It’s not a date.” “It’s a date” “It’s not,” he narrows his eyes as you make your way to your feet. It gives you both the chance to stretch stiff muscles. “Although I’m sure ya would be jealous if it were right?” A cocky smile settles across his face as one of his hands reaches for yours. “Not really.” Atsumu’s eyes search your face for any type of reaction, eye twitching when he gets none. It was a love hate feeling at how you could get to him. Yet, he couldn’t stay away. Maybe it was your contrasting personalities. How easy it was to bring out his inner kid, while yours had been something all your friends had to work to see. How easy it was to fluster him, while your ability to remain stone faced, even in the face of amusement was impeccable. How relaxed he seemed on the daily unless prompted, while you radiated nothing but power making others wanting to listen at all times. Or maybe it was how the two of you understood one another like no one else could. How the two of you worked your ways to the heads of your families, and ultimately the nation. The two of you shared a pressure that none of your peers felt and that was the foundation for your bond. Over the years, it grew from that simple friendship and that commonality to something unbreakable. Everything but a relationship. “Deep down yer dying. I just know it.” Your scoff does little to phase him “Anyways madam president, I suppose I should go get ready.” Clearing his throat, Atsumu shoots you a look. Your nod has him offering a last squeeze of your hand before turning away and making his way towards the door. “Yer going to the shooting range tonight right?” You stop your process of gathering paperwork at his question. He’d stopped just shy of the door’s handle, sunglasses already slipped over his eyes so that you couldn’t see the certain mischief swirling in them. “Why?” “Just answer the question would ya.” Before you could answer the shrill of your phone fills the air. Glancing at the caller ID you shoot him an apologetic look before telling him it was Kuroo. Undoubtedly complaining about being unable to finish what he needed without your paperwork. Something you’d promise to get him today. Atsumu watches as you tell your friend on the other end of the phone to hold on for a second before your attention focuses back on him. “Probably not, I’m exhausted,” “Great. I’ll see ya there then,” Atsumu claps cheerfully twisting the door knob ignoring your call of being tired. “I’ll make it worth it” and with that the door closes, a promise to meet him later hanging in the air 

a/n: i started this no purpose draft months ago and finished at 3am. no plot. just dynamics :-)

[seattlesea]

Songs I Listen to While Writing Sorted by Genre/Type of Scene

(Some songs will be in more than one category)

Romance Scenes- we fell in love in october by girl in red Strawberries and Cigarettes by Troye Sivan Fool by Cavetown Call Me by 90sFlav Girls by girl in red 3AM by Finding Hope Dream Girl by Anna of the North Stay by Zedd & Alessia Cara Somebody To Tell Me by Tyler Glenn Secrets by One Republic Paris by The Chainsmokers Safe and Sound by Capital Cities Wild Heart by Bleachers A Thousand Years by Christina Perri Fire on Fire by Sam Smith Angel With a Shotgun by The Cab She Looks So Perfect by 5 Seconds of Summer Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy Trade Mistakes by Panic! At The Disco When the Day Met the Night by Panic! At The Disco Moral of the Story by Ashe We Can’t Be Friends by Dream Koala Public Making Out Is Like Ugh by DNE Moon River by Audrey Hepburn Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens Alewife by Clairo Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko Futile Devices (Doveman Remix) by Sufjan Stevens  Midnight Love by girl in red

Calm Scenes- Call Me by 90sFlav 5:32 by The Deli Crush by Esthie Coffee Breath by Sofia Mills Santa Monica Dream by Angus & Julia Stone Fool by Cavetown Golden Hour by Jonathon Morali Crosses by José González Death Bed by Powfu (Beat Only) 3AM by Finding Hope Waterloo Sunset by The Kinks Shy Girl by Kedam Counting Stars by One Republic Kaleidoscope Eyes by Panic! At The Disco She Had The World by Panic! At The Disco This Is Home by Cavetown Lua by Bright Eyes Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood Bedroom by Litany FLAMIN HOT CHEETOS by Clairo Will She Come Back by girl in red To All Of You by Syd Matters

Sad/Emotional Scenes- Obstacles by Syd Matters Runaway by Aurora Cancer by My Chemical Romance Unsteady by X Ambassadors State of Dreaming by MARINA Raquel y Sergio Juntos by Ivan M. Lacamera Coming Home by Falling in Reverse Spanish Sahara by Foals I’m Bad at Life by Falling in Reverse 7 Years by Lukas Graham Lost It All by Black Veil Brides Teen Idle by MARINA Hall of Fame by The Script Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish 21 Guns by Green Day Pirate Love Song by Black Heart Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez The Light Behind Your Eyes by My Chemical Romance Helena (So Long and Goodnight) by My Chemical Romance Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance I Don’t Love You by My Chemical Romance The Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance Bishop Knife Trick by Fall Out Boy Indomitable by Casey Lee Williams The End of All Things by Panic! At The Disco Always by Panic! At The Disco Impossible Year by Panic! At The Disco Dying in LA by Panic! At The Disco Northern Downpour by Panic! At The Disco Far Too Young To Die by Panic! At The Disco This Is Gospel by Panic! At The Disco House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco Moral of the Story by Ashe Reason to Stay by Sody Anchor by Novo Amor Sober II (Melodrama) by Lorde Mt. Washington by Local Natives Mountains by Message To Bears

Action/Fight Scenes- Finish Line by Skillet I Ran (Epic Trailer Version) by Hidden Citizens Another One Bites The Dust (Epic Trailer Version) by Hidden Citizens Back From the Dead by Skillet Never Give In by Black Veil Brides The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy DESTROYA by My Chemical Romance Warriors by Imagine Dragons Bella Ciao by Manu Pilas What’s Up Danger by Blackway & Black Caviar The Resistance by Skillet Feel Invincible by Skillet In The End by Black Veil Brides Days Are Numbered by Black Veil Brides Fallen Angels by Black Veil Brides Caffeine by Casey Lee Williams This Will Be The Day by Casey Lee Williams 300 Violin Orchestra by Jorge Quintero Radioactive by Imagine Dragons Ready Aim Fire by Imagine Dragons Silent Running (Epic Trailer Version) by Hidden Citizens I’d Love to Change the World (Matstubs Remix) by Jetta  Tommy’s Theme by NOISIA The Sharpest Lives by My Chemical Romance Mama by My Chemical Romance My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light ‘Em Up) by Fall Out Boy The Carpal Tunnel of Love by Fall Out Boy Young and Menace by Fall Out Boy

Happy/Fun Scenes- Tongue Tied by Grouplove Bang! by AJR 100 Bad Days by AJR Wasted by Tiësto 3 Nights by Dominic Fike City in a Garden by Fall Out Boy I Took a Pill in Ibiza (SeeB Remix) by Mike Posner  Safe and Sound by Capital Cities Collar Full by Panic! At The Disco Ahead By a Century by The Tragically Hip American Idiot by Green Day Superhero by The Script Wild Things by Alessia Cara Here’s To Never Growing Up by Avril Lavigne Do It All The Time by I Don’t Know How But They Found Me Burn by Ellie Goulding Move To Miami by Enrique Iglesias & Pitbull Mad Hatter by Melanie Martinez King of the World by Young Rising Sons Bulletproof Heart by My Chemical Romance Na Na Na by My Chemical Romance Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy Where Did The Party Go by Fall Out Boy Sunshine Riptide by Fall Out Boy Last of the Real Ones by Fall Out Boy Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) by Fall Out Boy Time To Dance by Panic! At The Disco Crazy=Genius by Panic! At The Disco The Overpass by Panic! At The Disco Roaring 20s by Panic! At The Disco Victorious by Panic! At The Disco LA Devotee by Panic! At The Disco Don’t Threaten Me With a Good Time by Panic! At The Disco Something Good by alt-j Hollywood by MARINA

Badass/Dark Scenes- Pretty Waste by Bones UK Bubblegum Bitch by MARINA Born For This by The Score Kings & Queens by Ava Max Castle by Halsey Caffeine by Casey Lee Williams Heaven Knows by The Pretty Reckless Joan of Arc by In This Moment Believer by Imagine Dragons Sand Storm by Apashe you should see me in a crown by Billie Eilish Power & Control by MARINA Fancy by Iggy Azalea Look What You Made Me Do by Taylor Swift Empire of Our Own by RAIGN Revolution by Unsecret & Ruelle Unstoppable by The Score Control by Halsey Gasoline by Halsey Tag, You’re It by Melanie Martinez  Up In The Air by Thirty Seconds To Mars So What by P!NK Do It Like A Dude by Jessie J Ready For It? by Taylor Swift Teenagers by My Chemical Romance Centuries by Fall Out Boy I Don’t Care by Fall Out Boy Rat a Tat by Fall Out Boy Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea by Fall Out Boy Champion by Fall Out Boy Thnks fr the Mmrs by Fall Out Boy One Thing by Casey Lee Williams I May Fall by Casey Lee Williams This Life Is Mine by Casey Lee Williams Let’s Kill Tonight by Panic! At The Disco Girls/Girls/Boys by Panic! At The Disco The Good, The Bad, and The Dirty by Panic! At The Disco Mount Everest by Labrinth Legendary by Skillet Homewrecker by MARINA Modern Day Cain by I Don’t Know How But They Found Me

That One Vibin’ Scene- When I RIP by Labrinth Sweatin’ Somethin’ Awful by Okey Dokey Wasted by Tiësto Leave Me Alone by I Don’t Know How But They Found Me Piano Fire by Sparklehorse Blinding Lights by The Weeknd Good News by Ocean Park Standoff Hey There Delilah by Plain White T’s East of Eden by Zella Day Hazy Shade of Winter by The Bangles (or the Gerard Way cover) 5:15 by Bridgit Mendler Here by Alessia Cara Joan of Arc by In This Moment Mr. Doctor Man by Palaye Royale Cool For a Second by Yumi Zouma Counting Stars by One Republic Daddy Issues by The Neighborhood Ho Hey by The Lumineers We Can’t Be Friends by Dream Koala Public Making Out Is Like Ugh by DNE Sober II (Melodrama) by Lorde North by Sleeping at Last 400 Lux by Lorde No. 1 Party Anthem by Arctic Monkeys Still Don’t Know My Name by Labrinth Primadonna by MARINA dontmakemefallinlove by Cuco

That ‘Holy Shit I Can’t Believe That Just Happened’ Scene- All For Us by Labrinth (or the Zendaya version) Raquel y Sergio Juntos by Ivan M. Lacamera Forever by Labrinth Coming Home by Falling in Reverse Superheroes by Falling in Reverse (also works really well for cliffhanger-ending scenes) Carry On by Falling in Reverse The Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks (if you don’t like country music, listen to the All That Remains cover) Zombie by The Cranberries Obstacles by Syd Matters Glory and Gore by Lorde Empire of Our Own by RAIGN When It’s All Over by RAIGN Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap

The Cinematic Teen Experience Scene- Amsterdam by Imagine Dragons Midnight City by M83 Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush (Meg Myers’ cover does better with the category though) Good News by Ocean Park Standoff Circles by Post Malone Rollercoaster by Bleachers Bad Idea! by girl in red Mr. Brightside by The Killers Fireflies by Owl City Undercover Martyn by Two Door Cinema Club Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings The Kids From Yesterday by My Chemical Romance I’m Not Okay by My Chemical Romance Fourth of July by Fall Out Boy Tip Toe by Imagine Dragons Someone To You by Banners Gone Gone Gone by Phillip Phillips Make You Mine by PUBLIC Out of my League by Fitz and The Tantrums Perks of Being a Sunflower by Soft Glas A World Alone by Lorde Wetsuit by The Vaccines Bored to Death by blink-182 There’s a Place by The All-American Rejects 18 by Anabor Mother by Smallpools Tompkins Square Park by Mumford and Sons 400 Lux by Lorde The Horse by Beach Fossils Ribs by Lorde Can I Call You Tonight? by Dayglow Hot Rod by Dayglow Marlboro Nights by Lonely God Under Stars by Aurora Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap Do Not Wat by Wallows Cold Cold Man by Saint Motel Forget Her by girl in red Buzzcut Season by Lorde A World Alone by Lorde Time to Pretend by MGMT Kids by MGMT Bags by Clairo My Tears Are Becoming a Sea by M83 Talia by King Princess (or the girl in red cover) Maybe by girl in red

And yeah that’s all I have for now. If you want any other categories just ask cause I’ll probably make a part two anyways. 

[hollenka99]

Hey @bupine last night I was looking at your winged Tubbo art and decided I’d start writing a short fic based on it in the morning. It was supposed to be just Tubbo and Phil being like ‘destroyed wing club? destroyed wing club.’ but then the flashback scene happened and took up most of the fic so uh... there’s that. I hope you like it.

Warnings: blood, briefly implied gore

He knows he shouldn't really be risking the visit, that the others will take the opportunity to undermine his authority once more if they found out. God forbid he got caught fraternising with their prisoner. He doubts he'd ever hear the end of it. Still, he believes the risk is worth the trip. "Good morning, Phil." A step back in a mock gesture of hospitality. "Mr President." As he heads in, he makes a note of all the possible points where he could be spotted from afar. The windows are the worst culprits. Too transparent. He'll simply have to stay away from them as best he can. "Tubbo is fine. I've come here because I want to offer you something that might benefit you." "Oh. I see." Phil chuckles smugly. "Play for both sides once, can't help but play for both sides again and again." "Shut up." "I personally would prefer to have a president who knows where his loyalties lie but then again, I suppose it's a good thing I don't consider myself one of your constituents." "You know, I came here to show you some sympathy but let's forget it." Shame grows on Phil's face. "I'm sorry." "Sure." "No, really, I am sorry. You and your cabinet have me trapped here so I can't help but be a little snappy at times. What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" It takes a full 10 seconds of Tubbo glaring at the blond winged man on house arrest before the president relents. When his shoulders slump, he can still feel the wounds of all that remained from the upcoming subject matter. "I used to have wings. I'm an adaptive hybrid so who knows why I needed wings but they were there since I was pretty young. After Tommy and I became friends, he would ask for short flying trips. Problem was he's taller than me so..." He huffs out a self conscious laugh. "They were green. Have you... have you ever seen a clear body of water when the light hits it just right? They were kinda like that. Or- or maybe standing under a forest canopy when it's sunny would be a better comparison. I don't know. I just know they looked really nice and I loved them." "If you don't mind me asking, what happened?" "There was an explosion, same one that got me the burn scars on my face, and they got wrecked beyond saving. So a couple nights later, I stocked up on the appropriate potions, grabbed an axe and asked Tommy to deal with the remains." --- He can't take this anymore. The walls of Pogtopia's ravine exaggerate the growing chill of October yet are somehow more welcoming than any spot he could find himself at within the boundaries of Manberg. When he reaches the main living area, he spots his friend fast asleep with a pitifully thin blanket covering him and nothing acting as a pillow. If he was less selfish, he might force himself to wait until a reasonable hour arrives. But he's not. And he can't bare another minute of carrying a mess of flesh and feathers on his back if he has any say in it. He hopes the axe in his hand will help with that. "Tubbo?" Tommy mutters after Tubbo nudges him. "Please." He trembles. Even though Tommy is clearly only half awake as he peers blearily up at him, there is a softness as he appears to begin understanding the request. "Why me? I don't know if I have the steadiest hands." "There's- There's nobody I'd trust with this more than you." He's not going to break down at like 3am, he's absolutely not. "Please, Tommy. I can't- I don't want-" Arms encompass him ever so gently and mindful of the wounds recently inflicted upon him. "Is this really what you want?" "Get them off." "O-Okay. Let's move to somewhere with better lighting then." The stone would tell a story of someone's brutal slaughter without context and no amount of healing or regeneration potions can save him from his nerves screaming out in retaliation to the haphazard procedure. He knows there is a nether portal at the end of the path he and Tommy co-constructed nearly a fortnight ago. Pointing in its direction, he requests Tommy dispose of the wings on his behalf. Laid on his side and alone, he curls in on himself. His hands grips his hair as if it will placate any of what he's willingly subjected himself to tonight. However, all this results in is his fingers making contact with budding horns, the ones growing without his permission in an attempt to appear more favourable to Schlatt. He barely registers when Tommy returns to carefully extract one of his hands so an object can be placed in it. Oh, a potato. Just like the ones collected by the device Wilbur commissioned him to make. He doesn't want it, no matter what Tommy says about needing the energy. What he does want is his friend to allow him to unintentionally dig his fingers into Tommy's back a little too hard as he bawls. Luckily enough, he gets it without a thought of complaint. There is a silent agreement between the two 16 year olds that night. No matter what happens next, they'd make themselves survive long enough to see the day Tubbo wouldn't be so scared of being anywhere near Schlatt and Tommy wasn't so stressed by the responsibility of trying to bring Wilbur back onto a more rational path. --- "That's awful. I'm-" "Phil, as someone in a similar position, I would have hoped you'd know I don't want to hear a hundred apologises in an attempt to be polite." "No, you're right. Are you okay though?" "It was back in October so it's fine." "But are you fine?" "Yes." It's not entirely convincing and they both know it. Still, Phil seems to accept defeat with a frustrated huff. "Other than telling me you understand what it's like to be grounded, I'm not sure why exactly you came here." "Oh. Right." Tubbo takes this as his cue to pull out a long stick that's undoubtedly seen a fair amount of use. "This is probably coming too late to help all that much, not to mention I'm a little shorter so it might not be as effective for you as it was for me but..." He sighs dejectedly. "Losing that much weight off your body throws your sense of balance off by a lot. I mean, it's basically like losing a limb, right? Tommy helped me get used to it and even gathered the wood for me to craft this. I've gotten used to walking with nothing on my back over the last two months but I thought maybe it would help you." "Tubbo, this is very generous of you." Phil attempts to smile fondly yet it doesn't quite pass the threshold of convincing. "But I don't think I can accept this. My wings might be damaged but it's not as if I lost the entirety of both of them like you did. So while I greatly appreciate the gesture, please keep it." "Right." There is a silence for a moment that is only broken by fidgeting where neither of them allowed themself to look at the other. The president of New L'Manburg turns towards the exit. Phil speaks up while he still has the chance. "Tubbo, regardless of what people are saying about your leadership, know that you have a good heart. It's an admirable trait." "A good heart and meaning well won't make Technoblade see justice or keep New L'Manburg safe." "Perhaps you're right. We both know you sometimes have to put your morals and personal views to one side when it comes to the wellbeing of others, when it comes to duty. Just keep it in mind though, alright?" "...Sure." He checks his communicator to see if Quackity or the others have noticed his absence. Nothing of note. Yet. "I should probably go before I risk questions being raised." "Of course. Good luck and again, thank you for your offer." "Bye, Phil." "See you around, Tubbo." And this time, the smile is genuinely fond.

[jessedvn]

HELLO ALL!! the name is sierra and i’m twenty four years old. hailing from the pst timezone, you’ll find me around at such odd hours due to my work schedule at the hospital and overall fact that i’m just a hot mess extraordinaire. message me or like this or whatever you wanna and we can connect on discord! ❤ check below for a little intro on my girl jessica. 

THE BASICS.

full name: jessica grace eden. age & birthdate: 30 // december 22nd, 1990. gender & sexuality: cis woman // bisexual. relationship status: single. children: bella eden. occupation: er nurse // part time bartender at rendezvous. hometown: charming, california. current residence: charming, california.

THE BACKGROUND.

trigger warning for miscarriage, still birth, unhealthy relationships, drug abuse !!

jessica was born and raised in charming, california to a father she lost way too soon and a mother who was more absent than present. she had a younger brother who she practically raised, only a handful of years between them, named jamie.

she was a cheerleader in high school and fairly popular despite basically being on her own with no parents for support. luckily enough, she had decent grades and good friends so her childhood wasn’t all that bad.

entering college and doing so locally, jessica decided to pursue nursing. her ultimate goal and dream is to climb the ranks and wind up on a surgical floor or an icu unit. but with working from an income on a part time job and grants that only took her so far, college was a little difficult for her. her studies were the most important, and caving to weakness, jessica turned to popping pills and partially cheating on exams to get by. not that she truly needed to, she was intelligent, but there were only so many hours in the damn day.

she eventually graduated and upon earning her degree, she also brought along her pill problem and took it home with her. she managed to curb it with the help of her little brother.

turning twenty five, jessica had met who soon would become the father of the child she lost. he was affiliated with the devil’s disciples and the relationship was on and off and a bit messy. after the loss of their child their relationship seemed to dissolve completely.

with her brother finding his way to the wicked wolves, jessica also did as well. she found solace and friendship and connection in quite a few of the members. one in particular saved her from an instance with her former boyfriend, her relapsing, all by forcing her out of the situation and smacking her right back into reality.

after the loss of her daughter and the almost relapse, jessica decided to get the hell out of dodge for some time. she left charming to pursue a job in seattle and stayed there for a few years.

now, jessica’s at a much better place than she was when she left charming. she’s returned within the last few years, scored a job at the hospital but was forced to work part time at the bar to make ends meet since she’s still pretty low on the totem pole at the hospital. she missed her girls and her brother and, well, seattle was lonelier than she’d like to admit...

THE PERSONALITY.

she’s a feisty, loud mouthed and passionate woman. she’s driven to better herself, but often falls weak to her sins and demons in the closet. she’s sharp and stubborn. loyal and soft. tenderhearted and has an insane desire for love... and garlic fries.

her aesthetics? high waisted levi jean shorts on curvy hips, open bedroom windows at night, 3am conversations in the booth of a diner, and cheap champagne in plastic cups.

THE WANTED CONNECTIONS.

FORMER BABY DADDY┊trigger warning for miscarriage, still birth, unhealthy relationships !! this one is a storyline driven connection but could work for plenty! basically, jessica and this guy had a sticky situation on their hands. he was a devil’s disciple ( how involved he was with the club is of course depending on said character ) and she was a young twenty something in college trying to make a life for herself who turned to popping pills to get through it. the relationship was on and off and very troubling, but they both were passionate and often fell back into each other. sooner or later, when the couple was off, jessica found herself pregnant. the pregnancy was hard on her body and almost as if her body betrayed her, she suffered a lot of complications up until late in the game. their child was still birth and the pair never seemed to recover or find their way back to each other afterwards. however, their relationship was passionate, so feelings could still be there.

YOUNGER BROTHER┊for headcanon purposes i’ve named him jamie, but this of course is not set in stone and can be changed upon chatting and getting things rolling! he’s about 25/26 and the younger brother of jessica. as you can read above, the lost their dad and their mom was absent and a runaway, so jessica was a big role model for jamie upon growing up. of course, when he got old enough, he began to work fo himself and do everything he could to provide for himself while also helping jessica throughout her college years. he’s currently a prospect for the wicked wolves which isn’t what jessica imagined for her brother, but she can’t really blame him for heading into that life, either.

THE SAVIOR┊this would be the member of the wicked wolves that jessica had met through her brother being introduced to the club. jessica jokes that he “saved” her from her former self, but in reality, he kind of did. he was the one, aside from her brother, that made sure jessica didn’t slip back into her old habits after suffering the loss of her daughter. he has an obvious distain for jessica’s ex, but that also fuels the fire that they are from opposing clubs. there’s a brief headcanon that he and jessica fell into bed together once the night before she left for seattle but jessica has yet to touch on that since returning to charming within the last four years.

GIRL SQUADS┊jessica is a girls girl. she needs all the girlfriends she can get. she’s got an insane love for samantha martinez and considers the girl her sister. buuuut, she keeps her circle close and tight knit, so she needs all the girlfriends that i can steal for her!

MORE CONNECTIONS...

NEIGHBORS┊jessica moved back into her childhood home upon returning to charming four years ago. it’s a smaller three bedroom home but it works, so obviously, she would have plenty of neighbors! probably old from where she grew up, and some new from where she moved back home.

EXES┊whether it be from high school, college, or before becoming pregnant, jessica did get around so this connection is very open!

ONE NIGHT STANDS, FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS, LOVERS┊jessica has yet to tie herself down since her previous ex, but a girl has got needs, y’know? this connection is pretty much open to all and is a little self explanatory! 

ENEMIES┊jessica is a lot to swallow so i’m sure she’s earned a few people who dislike her... or even hate her... here and there. she probably feels the same way.

OLD DISCIPLES CONNECTIONS┊i imagine since walking away from her ex quite a few of these relationships were severed, but once upon a time, jessica befriended a few members from her time with her boyfriend/baby daddy. it might be interesting to see how they interact now!

WICKED WOLVES CONNECTIONS┊mostly because of her brother and her job at rendezvous jessica is well known within the club. she’s also a nurse, so arguably, she’s useful to the club if they ever do need her help. she’s willing to provide it. she’s grown close with a few i’d imagine! and some probably question her loyalties i’m sure.

ANYTHING ELSE? LET’S BRAINSTORM┊i’m a big sucker for brainstorming ideas i’m not creative to come up with on my own OR even starting fresh and throwing them together to see an organic connection. i’m all for it!

[dulcetminds]

some (concept) playlists

find my spotify here ✨ & my fandom character/ship playlists

this page is updated monthly!!!!

💫 monthly, yearly & get to know me playlists:

 monthly mixtape: updated daily and refreshed every month with no correlation to anything what so ever.

twentytwenty: a song for each day of the year

the soundtrack to my life

my favourites

pass the aux cord, fool: car vibes

🍾🌉 playlists based off cliché concepts:

coming of age indie romcom soundtrack: cigeratte burns on film, a first kiss that tastes like beer and chapstick, and laughter falling on train tracks

not another coming of age soundtrack: red party cups and the never-ending feeling of nostalgia

Mother Nature reclaims: a soft apocalypse mix

tragedy in the dark: set in the 90's, you're driving at night on the highway, passing under street signs and street lights that illuminate your lovers tired face as they trace circles on your thigh

rise up!: (a futuristic teenage rebellion playlist) you live in a world full of holograms and plastic food, the government is corrupt and somewhere out there is a bunch of rebels that are fighting back

an angels kiss in spring: it’s the roaring 40′s and you hit the town in bold red lipstick, curled hair, flared dresses & traditional swing

a wispy field of sunshine: there's something alluring about falling in love under the sun, sipping on raspberry lemonade & kissing someone who tastes like chapstick

the air is fresh out here: i am lost beneath the earth; dirt and moss fill my lungs and i cough up ivy and rose petals as the trees whisper my name so soft, it gets caught in the wing of a butterfly floating by

3am dancing with my lover: fairylights are hung low around the kitchen, my lover has tired eyes full of wonder and we trip over our own two feet, laughter pumping our hearts alive

the last dancers at midnight: my prom could have been better so we're gonna visualise it like a teen romance movie; tired feet, starry eyes & a tender kiss under the disco ball in your high-schools' hall

even my phone misses your call: 'hey, this is [redacted] please leave your message after the beep!' 

you’re so nice to come home to: finally moving into a small apartment with your lover; succulents adorn the windowsills and you both have a love for vintage polaroids and dream catchers — a dreamers dream

I've been in love with you forever: best friends that live next door to each other & know one another like the back of their hand, connected windows, rooftop talks, sleepovers, & everything that comes along with we're best friends & i don't want that to change but i am definitely in love with you

found you in this life: my mother once told me that some of the people we meet in this life, we knew in a past life and it’s up to us to decide where it goes from here

raspberry stains: spring flings includes squashing raspberries between finger & thumb, and dancing under the sun

rollerskating disco rink fever: we're twelve years young & there's a disco ball highlighting our hair as we dance the night away & i'm pretty sure we've happened to scuff the linoleum floor

endless summer afternoon: hopping from shadow to shadow, blisters on our feet; summer, summer, summer!

summer ate me alive: and I want nothing more than to sleep through the next three seasons

ragtag band of misfits from the year ‘87: group of four trying to solve the murder mystery of their late best friend / everyone’s hiding something / he might be in love with the boy he’s known since childhood

[our hands are brushing against each other as we walk]: i want to slow dance with you in the middle of the street

hey, new kid!: its highschool and life is full of rumours and giggling girls & boys with sharp teeth and then english class rolls around ━━ and did the principal just introduce a new student?

🧚🏻‍♀️ specific concept playlists (mostly based on moments and emotions that I've experienced & can’t get over):

head’s a buzz!: stoned out of my mind, I'm pretty sure I met the girl of my dreams last night

 I should be sleeping: but i am walking aimlessly under street lights trying to forget your face, your taste, your voice; with vodka stained cheeks and chipped nail polish

pity party for two: the sudden realisation that the future is scary and we're two lost souls stuck in love with people who helped us grow

we’re under the same stars: It’s talking under the stars till the sun breaks through the trees with him, who makes your stomach ache full of laughter and although the wind is cold against your skin and the sleeping bag is thin, he burns just as brightly as the stars in the night sky, and you want to exist between 3 and 4am forever.

I fell in love for one night: he kissed my shoulder & held me tight

moments left unsaid: I love every part of you when it’s loud, when it’s silent, when you don’t know it at all (basically falling in love with your friends in the moment over the smallest of things like the way they dip their head back to laugh or hide their smile behind their hand or when they slow down waiting for you to catch up or pull you aside to ask if you’re doing okay, etc)

angel in disguise: can angels fall in love?

skate park shenanigans: I spent a the hours 8-11pm at a skatepark with my friends and we don’t even skate but this is the specific energy those hours gave off

you’re dreaming beside me: & I’m dreaming of you

how to be soft, sad & content at 4pm

I wish we could live forever: knowing someone you love is gonna die is the one of the hardest things you’re ever gonna witness

remember when we were in love?: 2015: yellow. open roads. a boy. a girl. my house. high school musical. clouds. stars. a pillow. sunflowers. beauty and the beast. skype calls. a bear. / 2017: a girl. blue, blue, blue. / 2019: a girl. a boy. picnics. skateboards. burgers. your house. an empty promise.

the pretty reckless: my friends fall in love too easily

the ceiling is staring back at me: it’s 1am and I'm thinking about everything and anything

me against the world, vol. 1

me & my apathetic brain: basically Russian roulette with I’ll die anyway by girl in red & just a girl by no doubt

🏳️‍🌈🌈 lgbt+ playlists:

this is for the gays!: for pride month 2019, gay bops to rock your socks to

all I see is her: girls r great!

we should fall in love or something: just kidding... haha... unless?

I don’t wanna b ur friend, I wanna kiss ur neck: yeah, it’s based off I wanna be your girlfriend by girl in red & also my ex but we’re gonna take the former

please look at me the same!: my bisexual teen angst

🦋🏹 ‘old groovy, 70′s, 80′s, 90′s etc music’ playlists:

butterfly dust: old time music that goes together

groovy, groovy: 70′s, 80′s, 90′s

lovestrucklovestruck: nothing goes wrong when you live in your head

she’s gold dipped & cherry wine kisses

funky glow

🥁🍒 genre specific playlists:

metamorphic: rock n roll

devils advocate: it’s like white noise before you enter hell (mostly ghostemane)

you’re not indie till: you skate, own a pair of hot converses, have good fashion taste, drink ice coffee and and and

monsters live amongst us: hiding in plain sight, the people we call our friends / a horror pop playlist

hazy affection: anxiety reducing songs and study beats

softly, sweetly: relax your eyes & dream of simpler times

bubblegum pop: the radio is overrated but here we are

glazed eyes, cherry skies

darkness looms overhead

magic under fingernails / under veins

state of mind: kinda like rap but not, definitely an easy listen to while stoned

moon rockets: fly me to outer space where we’ll become another star in the night sky.

dream & folk pop

my dreams reach the stars: my mind is far away from here / starry-eyed and captivated

local neighbourhood party: songs I'd bang my head to at a party

heavenly hymns

fluorescent heartbeats

take me away, into the night

if you see me listening to this, look away: literally Disney musicals mainly Disney’s descendants & zombies

autumnal breeze: a mix of bedroom pop & 80′s tunes

blueberry feelings: is this soundlcoud or tiktok?

untamed glory: the songs dont vibe together as well as they should but i guess thats ironic given the name of this mixtape

all strung up: my favourite female pop songs & then there's sunflower, vol. 6 by harry styles

candyfloss kisses: baby pop

and that’s on tiktok luv: literally what it says

candle lit afternoons: candles + rain = a gentle quiet in it’s purest form

tenderness: soft, quiet, yielding; murmurs at dusk & the playing of hair

my bed is the warmest place: for rainy days & the chill in your nose

🚀🍁🍓 playlists to listen to when your doing this specific thing:

classic picnic bitch: (cute songs that give me picnic vibes) and we bond over a pack of UNO cards and strawberry-filled desserts

beach bums, baby!: a beach-y playlist

hotboxing ur friends car: get high w/ me!

🥺💫🌞🌻🤩🐝 playlists to grow & fall in love with yourself to:

falling in love w/ myself !!!!!: I'm still learning how I work

then I defy you, stars!

seventeen: I made this when I was seventeen and getting over my first heartbreak and realising that I should never wait for people who can only give half back

no negative vibes here!

💌💖 my romance / love centred playlists:

dancing in my room to the sound of you, you, you (middle school crush vibes)

love cluster: and i guess there are lot of love songs out there but there are also a lot of songs that aren't about love that got me feeling like i'm in love so which is it

lovelorn: (a unrequited love playlist) and we yearn for the hearts we cannot hold; lovelorn, lovelorn, lovelorn

our love has gone cold: I love & I loved

whimsical lovers falling out of love

baby boy blues: fell in love for a day with a boy whose smile is contagious and ever-lasting

you gave me panic attacks & I called it love: unsure if you’re in an unhealthy relationship? leave them.

regret in the simplest of forms: I could have loved you / I think a small part of me did

my favourite ‘what if’: soulmates who weren’t meant to be

seeking love among cruel hearts: perhaps we were friends first and lovers second. but then perhaps this is what lovers are.

it’s a long way down from your window: everyone’s favourite secret relationship trope

heartbreak hotel

i’m yearning for his heart while he gives me his body: I love you, don’t you love me too?

make out w/ me?: songs I'd kill to make out with someone too

miss you forever: sad pop love letter

I liked you better in my dreams: the idea of them has taken root in your mind and it’s much different to how they really are

little bit in love with u: alterous attraction? we KNOW her

drowsy cacophony of love

tracing you back to the roots of my house: I'm sifting through the memories of us, where did we go wrong?

love; a choice or a feeling?: and it is both I suppose, it is a feeling, it’s happiness and soft giggles, faint blush. and then it is a choice, a choice to stay with them or leave. it is a choice to not only love them, but yourself too.

tenderly, tragically: this used to be a collab playlist with someone who loved me fully and unconditionally, things have changed since, but this is whats left; it's our story compiled into a playlist

second chance at love: you make me hard, but she makes me weak

lonely in love: (it was supposed to be just casual sex but fuck, I think I'm in love with you)

silent lovers: skinny love (n.) a type of love where two people are in love with each other but are too shy to admit it

my first love: they say your first love never dies, and love, they’re right

my lover is a liar: victim to broken promises and false truths by a boy who died when he gave me his heart

love locket type of love: I loved you in secret !!

the charms of love: don’t fall in love with the moment & think your in love with the girl! (yes, she’s american by the 1975 lyrics)

almost lovers

💸💄💅🏻⛓ playlists that give off bad bitch energy:

rich girl$: my cash flow will never ever end

kiss the boys n make em die!: femme fatale, girl revolution, girl power

GIRLS. FOOD. GEAR: loosely inspired by people by the 1975

girl, interrupted

you’re like a rhinestone pick-up line: picture this — a girl with a hard attitude that you can’t just seem to get off your mind

back on my bullshit: just got my heartbroken; revamped!

👻👽 my halloween inspired playlists:

hallohalloween: basic halloween playlist

 the fae know my name: humans beware the manic pixies & lip curling fae for although they don't lie they are cunning creatures with kind eyes!

frothy vampire chick meets soft green witch: red fanged lover & a green house full of potions, spells & succulents

sirens lament: sharp teeth hidden under a pretty face

murder at the casino: (in breaking news: monster hunters just cant seem to catch a break!)

the howling

witchy renaissance

fuckin vampires, man!

🥀 if I were series (playlists that only feature one artist based off something specific):

if I were to dance in a faerie ring to hozier songs: maybe I want to fall in love with a faerie and be under Hozier’s rule

if I were to live my teenage years to Lorde songs

if I were to get high by the beach to skeggs songs: BIG greening out energy

 if I were to fall in love to tom rosenthal songs: tom rosenthal songs that make me feel like I'm in love!!

if I were to reminisce about heartbreak to LANY songs:

Hogwarts Houses:

🌻 Hufflepuff

🥊 Gryffindor

🐍 Slytherin

📘 Ravenclaw

[nightofnyx8]

Robstar Week Day 7: Jewel

Oh my goodness that was a lot of writing. But thank you so much for everyone who read my stories, it truly means a lot. I’ve really enjoyed this week, and the art and stories that have been posted by others have been truly fantastic. Enjoy this week’s last prompt!

Officer Grayson was irritated. No, more than irritated. He was downright angry. Today was supposed to be his day off, and he was looking forward to a nice day that wasn’t full of chasing, shooting, questioning, or the mountain of paperwork he continually neglected to fill out.

But no, they had to contact him at six o’clock in the morning to call him in to question a witness. It wasn’t even part of his job description as he was only a cop, not a detective. (Technically, he had been offered that position a while back, but there was no way he was putting on a suit every day. He was perfectly content being the perfectly normal and insignificant Officer Grayson).

But, as the chief had repeatedly told him that morning, all the other detectives were out on other cases, and he was the only one left who was qualified to question anyone at the station. And so he sat impatiently, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he puttered along through the morning traffic.

The Blüdhaven Police Station was unusually quiet that day. The sleepy atmosphere drifted from the scattered officers yawning over their coffee to the secretary who continually glanced at the giant clock on the wall.

“Thanks for coming in, Dick.” He was greeted by Chief Stone, who handed him a large cup of coffee.

“This better be black.” Dick responded before taking a sip. “I’m only doing this because I owe you.”

The chief let out a small smile. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

Dick had questioned suspects before, but this time it was only a witness. He peered inside the two-way mirror that revealed a woman playing nervously with the tips of her crimson hair.

“The jewelry store on 9th was robbed last night around 3 o’clock am.” Chief filled in. “She’s the only witness we’ve got. Be nice, she’s pretty shook up.”

As Dick entered the room the woman looked up. He caught his breath, his senses suddenly alert and functioning. Her emerald eyes stared at him from beneath locks that cascaded like fire around her shoulders.

He cleared his throat and sat down across from her. He glanced down at the file report in front of him, stating the witness name in bold letters.

“Ms. Anders, right?”

“Yes. My name is Kory.” Her voice held a soft timbre, an edge of anxiety at the corners.

“My name is Officer Grayson. I’m just here to have you answer a few questions.” He looked closer at her file. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. “So, you’re a model here, Ms. Anders?”

“Yes.” She responded timidly. “Just at a local agency down Main Street.”

“And how long have you lived here in Blüdhaven?”

“About three months.” She replied. “I moved here from my island of Tamaran to practice my English.”

“Your English is pretty good.”

“Well, I suppose it is improving.”

Dick closed the file, everything checking out. Perhaps if they finished early with their little chat, he could at least ask her out to breakfast.

“So, what exactly happened last night? Could you describe to me what you saw?”

“I was walking down the street, when all of the sudden I heard crashing noises from the nearby jewelry store. I saw two men dressed in black who climbed out of the window. They were large and carried guns. One of them saw me and chased after me, so I ran and hid in a small alleyway until they passed. This is where the police found me a few hours after.”

“May I ask what you were doing walking around at 3am? The streets of Blüdhaven can be very dangerous at that time at night, especially for a young woman.”

“I had a late night photo shoot at my work, and I am afraid I am still lacking in my directions here. I did not recognize the city at night, and I was trying to find my way home.”

“Until you passed the jewelry store.” He guessed.

“Yes,” she replied; her eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights. “Please help me, I am very frightened to walk the streets alone at the moment.”

Dick studied her as she spoke. He watched the arch of her eyebrows, the constant toying with her hair, the way her lips formed the words. Her actions were all very…interesting. Innocent, charming even, yet interesting.

He ended the questioning and started to get up from his chair.

“Don’t worry, Ms. Anders. We’ll have an officer here escort you safely to your home. Thank you for coming in today.”

As he watched her walk away, the Chief came up behind him.

“Thanks Dick.” He said gratefully. “You can go back home now, I’ll give you tomorrow off as well.”

“Wait, Chief.” Dick stopped him abruptly and let a smile break through. “I’d like to check out the crime scene. And I’d like to begin a full investigation on Kory Anders.”

_________________________________

He found her later that evening, closing the lid on a suitcase that revealed hundreds of jewels.  

“You know, for a thief, you’re a pretty bad liar.”

Kory spun around and whipped out her gun, only to be met with the point of Dick’s as well.

“You.” She breathed, then smiled slowly. “Why Officer Grayson, I did not expect to see you so soon.”

“You might have convinced every other officer with that sob story, but you and I both know you’re not as innocent as you seem.”

“And how did you figure that out?” She didn’t lower her gun, her eyes watching his every move.

“Your story. It doesn’t add up at all. Based on the position you say were at, you wouldn’t have had enough time to enter the alleyway you mentioned before the supposed thieves got to you.”

“Maybe they let me go.”

He inched closer, ready to block her if she ran. “Any thief who’s skillful enough to rob one of the most expensive jewel stores this side of the Mississippi wouldn’t be so careless. You sent the department looking for two nonexistent thieves while the real one got away.”

“That does not prove anything.”

“No, but it provides reasonable suspicion, kind of like how you don’t use contractions when you lie.”

She smirked, clicking the gun into position. “I knew weren’t fooled. You’re a fine detective, you better be getting a pay raise after this.”

“Return the diamonds.”

“Not a chance.”

“I’m not going to fight you, if that’s what you want. Especially considering you didn’t even want to steal those diamonds in the first place.”

She hesitated, but kept her gun on him. “And why do you say that?”

“They say I’m pretty good at reading people. You’re protecting someone. They got in deep with someone, and now you’re trying to get them out of it.”

“And how would you know that?”

“Maybe I’ve been through the same thing myself.” He lowered his gun and put it slowly on the ground.

“I’m not here to arrest you, Kory.”

She stood there silently, as she seemed to be calculating a thousand different courses of action in her head. She let him inch closer, closer, until he was barely an inch away from her, the gun still pointed to his head.

“I could help you.” He voice was barely above a whisper. “If you let me.”

“And why should I trust you?” she retorted quickly, her finger shaking a little on the trigger.

“Because I know you, Ms. Anders. You put on such a façade for the whole world, but your eyes tell me the whole story.  

“You don’t know me at all, Officer Grayson.”

He smirked, allowing his hand to slide over her waist.

“Let me help you.” He added seriously as he heard her breath hitch. “Legally. We can save you and whomever you’re protecting. Trust me, you’re heading into something that’s way over your head.”

She lowered the gun, letting it hang at her side, still locked in position.

“And if you are lying?” She asked, letting a natural innocence slip into her voice.

He pulled quite close, feeling her relax ever so slightly.

“Honestly, I would have thought that by now, you would know the difference between the truth and a lie.”

He kissed her softly, feeling the electricity spark between them. He reached behind her and felt the cool touch of the suitcase, slowly gripping the handle.

“But first,” he said, breaking the kiss. “I’ll be needing these back.”

“Hey!” She looked for her gun, but found it twirling in Dick’s fingers.

“Fine, you beat me.” She smirked, amusement glinting in her eyes. “And just what are you going to do now?”

“I’m giving you a ten-minute head start.”

Oh, how he loved the confused look she gave him. “You mean, you’re not here to take me to jail?”

“No,” he said casually, spotting his own gun that still lay on the ground. He kicked it towards her. “You need time to consider my offer.”

“And I only get ten minutes?”

“Nine minutes, fifty seconds.”

She smiled, picking up the gun while pulling a pair of car keys from her back pocket. “And if you can’t catch me?”

“Well then, you better get used to me chasing you, Princess. Because I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.”

“How charming.” She teased, getting into the front seat of the car. “Well, Adieu, Officer Grayson.”

“For now.” He agreed, watching her drive off into the night, the moonlight reflecting off her taillights.

[fangsmyth]

i’ve been meaning to analyze the shit out of his poem but..... i’m on break now so i have time

it’s prefaced as “ a poem written in free verse, based on something haunting me as of late reflecting on one of my most complicated and passionate past relationships ” so while i know for a fact i could derive MANY different meanings i’m focusing strictly on this intention

i’m normally really bad at analyzing poetry but..... for Him i will Try ( this is a lot of nonsense rambling please do not mind me i am a fucking idiot if anyone has any other onions i’d love to discuss! ....p-please do not steal;;; )

gaslighting and emotional abuse warning under the cut but who’s fucking surprised

What is the meaning of a memory? A question I oft ponder Intangible and untraceable by anything but the mind Yet so potent as to leaVe one sick As if poisoned or Wounded in a literal sense.

just kind of setting the stage i guess is the best way to call this part? his first fucking stanza is god damn terrible memories leave scars that no one can see i could’ve come up with this in my goth phase

And What meaning is there in regret and longing? Can my lamentations change the past? Will they moVe the future? Shall they amount to much more than What unmoors my here and noW?

p self explanatory imo? this goes into a bit of detail about how despite the relationship being over, he’s still thinking about it and he feels bad about what he did and how he treated them.

‘ Will they moVe the future? ’ implies that despite his regret, he doesn’t feel like he’ll learn from his mistakes since he’s made them so many times before. especially so with the next line ‘ Shall they amount to much more than What unmoors my here and noW? ’

he already feels insecure, and any future mistakes he makes are just going to contribute to that;;

If I restrict my World to that but Which is before my eyes To those Whom I may touch, to that Which I might alter; One Would no doubt conclude that thoughts of You are last among What I could consider to “matter”.

this a really interesting stanza, recognizing that the past and present don’t matter, much less any people in the past that hurt him. he knows he should be looking at the here and now, but he can’t help but feel anxious about what happened and what will happen in future relationships.

( also keep in mind that ‘You’ is capitalized, not as a part of lanque’s quirk despite how naturally it seems to fit with his quirk. i kind of ended up interpreting it how ‘You’ is capitalized like you would ‘God’ and ‘Lord’ implying lanque puts this person on an insanely high pedestal? )

it’s super interesting imo that he chooses to say ‘could’ instead of ‘should’, implying he sees it as an option to stop thinking about the other but not a necessity or, for that matter, the best option he has. 

it implies that he recognizes that he has the option to learn from his mistakes, but........

And still You haunt me yet, like a scar, like a disease uneager to abate. Who are You and Who am I, after so long Without You?

it kind of hit me at this point that despite the fact that it was something lanque was recently thinking about, it’s... possible that it wasn’t a recent relationship. he’s clearly fully submerging himself into the role of the victim in this horrible relationship with emotional abuse to the point of forced codependence.

i’m legit having a hard time telling whether this is a matter of lanque making himself out to be the victim ( as emotional vampires often do ) or the very real possibility that he honest to god was the victim of a horrible relationship that left him..... permanently scarred to the point he feels like all relationships are just SUPPOSED to be that way 

i’m gonna mainly use language that points towards the latter despite the fact that i honestly believe the more obscure and difficult to explain possibility that this is him trying to put himself in the shoes of someone he treated like garbage ( since idk i feel like he’s really good at recognizing and understanding peoples’ emotions, just not so much feeling them himself )

talking about it as if he were actually the victim just makes this a lot easier to analyze

i’m kind of...... getting ahead of myself though lemme lay down the next stanza

I knoW I don’t knoW I Won’t knoW; What do I knoW but What I knoW and What can it eVen mean to KNOW?

an allusion to gaslighting. i’m bad at writing out definitions i literally just know things my brain is huge and you’re all just jealous so to copy paste from the wikipedia google search result

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity.

i *loudly gestures* i don’t feel like i need to explain much further! going between saying he knows and doesn’t know, literally talking in circles and questioning what the concept of keeping knowledge even means!! this relationship kind of fucked him up!!!!!!

knoW, knoW; No!

kind of redundant that this line is on its own, just implies getting fed up and ready to leave?

Agh, though it so Vexes me, Though so little I Valued it When it Was before me, a thing and a You I could touch and see and knoW and hate and Wonder. (reVile/Worship).

AH HERE’S THE GOD SHIT AGAIN I KNEW IT WAS HERE SOMEWHERE!!!

lanque didn’t see this person as such a central figure when he was in the relationship, or it’s possible that he simply didn’t realize how important they were to him. their godliness implies that this person was always above him, that it was a privilege to be graced with their presence alone.

this (reVile/Worship) shit in my mind reads very similar to one of the ten commandments saying ‘we must fear and love god’ or some shit like that, but it doesn’t quite fit. it’s highly probable that it just implies that the relationship walked on a very fine tightrope between kismesis and matesprit ugh i went so long without using homestuck terms i’m sad now.... anyways this is call back to that implication of choice i was talking about earlier that’s built on more immediately

NoW it, and You, are a traceless ghost, and I preoccupy myself With nothing but futile tasks of (RE)definition and (RE)interpretation and circuitous dWellings on that Which I understand eVen less noW.

SUPER obvious but the person in the relationship is gone and lanque doesn’t know what to do without them. goes over how it’s hard for him to tell whether this is a refining of his pre-existing personality or just a brand new one all together. again, a choice as to whether or not that’s how he wants to approach it

the path to this reinvention is brought about through a bunch of rebounds and new relationships, ‘circuitous dwellings’ implying he possibly stayed in some of them for too long and he honest to god has no idea why? like he wasn’t enjoying himself, he wasn’t really being reinvented. it solidifies that it was flat out a new definition as lanque is more or less going through the motions

than in the times When my Wonderings might’Ve been so easily ansWered With a question or a bite or a kiss, or eVen a single Word, spoken honestly.

STRANGE to me how this starts as if it continues the past sentence despite the fact that it DEFINITELY ends in a period i double checked 

anyways

he also finds himself having a MUCH easier time following the motions than trying to internalize and understand this relationship. ‘wonderings’ being... pretty obviously just anxiety thoughts like you know how your brain just says things that aren’t true

and figuring out if they were would’ve been easy if he just said something or did something!!

Pressed though I am to giVe color to our bond I look not to onyx nor ash but that Which pulses Within our Very Veins: that so blinding jade, hard as the stone for Which it is so named,

interesting that this sort of starts an outline towards giving the subject an actual identity?

like specifically saying “pulses within our very veins: that so blinding jade” OBVIOUSLY says that it’s another jade in the cloister that this is about?

usually i’d like to say that writers usually don’t do this without reason but despite the praises i constantly speak alone in my room about the endless array of implications in every other thing that comes out of lanque’s mouth i also know v is a fucking hack and a got damn terrible writer

some gremlin at 3am whispered in my ear in the middle of the night saying this is about a past relationship with bronya and i did have some points but bronya is too good so i’m going to tell that gremlin to go fuck himself

tWisted and pulled hammered and forged shaped, unnaturally as if a chain.

there were so many things they went through to try and get this to work, but it kind of just came up as an obviously fucked up mess. likely considering that it would’ve ended/ran its course a lot better if they didn’t even try getting together. 

i wish every stanza was this simple

A stricture Within scriptures; a certain so meaningful tincture.

calling back to that whole “easily answered with a question, or a bite, or a kiss, or a single word spoken honestly” and those whole religious undertones that i keep pushing this solidifies that i’m not fucking crazy

GOD there’s so much in this little piece the very fact that his object of affection’s voice and words alone leave him feeling that he literally has no room to speak. the stricture is like a noose around his neck if he talks out of turn, hence the frustration that he knows something his wrong but he simply isn’t allowed to say something.

until he gets his hand on that ‘meaningful tincture’. alcohol gives him the courage to speak up and defy that gospel, alluding to his dependence on drugs and why they’re so important to him! it’s a lifestyle he wouldn’t give up because he’d hate to be silenced again!

Resent You though I must, EnVy You though I may,

emphasizing that shit i was talking about earlier with could vs. should, lanque feels like the right thing to do is look back at this in scorn. he should despise this person he idolized so much and envy how easy it was for them to lock him in such a vulnerable position for so long yet here he is..... thinking about them again

NoW leagues and leagues stretch betWeen us And I make peace With not but What I say.

these lines are pretty transparent. this was never resolved, there was never a proper conclusion to this relationship. they kind of just drifted apart, but lanque can take solace in the truth and completion of this poem. he makes peace with the fact that he acknowledges all of the problems in the relationship, and chooses to make them a part of him rather than something to just scowl and scoff at

You are only that Which is Within me, my blood and my mind and that is at once nothing, and the most elementary definition of eVerything.

i’m tired man i wrote like what 5 google drive pages about it i feel like i’d be repeating myself since this is his equivalent of wrapping it up and tying it in a lil bow

just because it happened and ultimately doesn’t matter doesn’t mean he didn’t internalize it?

this sort of ended up defining the person he became since it just shook him that badly man

do i need to go into more depth than that i just want some fucking chicken

[lunawings]

King of Prism SSS Episode 2 commentary (Yukinojo)

Watched this episode live with you guys at 1am, stream froze right at the ending. That was the tipping point I needed to stay up to watch it again as soon as it was released on Crunchyroll at 3am, with the few folks who stayed in the chat. And of course after all that extended King of Prism woke me up, now look who can’t sleep and is watching it a 3rd time tonight at... 5am... aha ha... ha...... don’t look at me like that I don’t have work until 4pm it’s fine

So like most folks in Japan I experienced this episode as part of a three pack bundled with the prologue and Taiga’s episode, which makes up the theatrical SSS Part 1. 

While the theater experience is great, it’s also kinda bizarre since the tone in this episode is drastically different from the other two. After the dinner scene ends there is no basically cheering until the end of this episode. What can we say! I just kinda fall into a prism coma until the Prism One show when I am suddenly like wha... WHAAA OH YEAH knocking my concert lights on the floor trying to quickly grab them in time and all that. 

But not because this episode is bad or anything. Quite the opposite. It’s just....

Mesmerizing.... 

Anyway.

ITS ABOUT FRIKKIN TIME 

Renjishi is a pretty famous Kabuki show, and I think “Two Lions” is an accepted English translation so I don’t know why they didn’t bother to translate it? 

 This translator couldn’t figure out what to do with the “18″ either... I would definitely be confused why there is so much 18 this and that in this episode if I hadn’t looked it up for my own translations. It’s a reference to a certain collection of best kabuki plays.

And if you’re wondering why Yukinojo is the 7th generation while his father is the 3rd.... well... hell if I know, because that actually not a mistranslation. 

*throws hands in the air* If someone can explain it to me let me know.

In the theaters sometimes people will hold up two red lights and break them apart here and I always want to do it but I ALWAYS FORGET AHHH. My brain just isn’t in cheering mode during this episode. 

Also it took me like eight viewings before I noticed there is a continuity error where Shin’s chopsticks fix themselves ahah.

FACE

(Also someone in the livestream pointed out his earrings. Not sure if we have seen Yu with earrings yet.)

One of the many things that makes SSS so amazing is how much it changes the first two movies. Just when you thought you were done with them, all of a sudden you want to watch them all over again to see them in a new light. While the movies largely follow Shin’s perspective, for the first time we finally get to see things through the perspectives of other characters and it just adds layer upon layer upon layer and it’s just.... ahh..... 

THE PRISM

THE ONE SPECIFIC PRISM

The way the translator phrased this I imagine them all worshiping a giant stone in the back somewhere. ALL HAIL.... THE BRILLIANT PRISM....... 

This line is super weird out of context. When I translate King of Prism stuff I put in “prism jump” just to add context when it’s not there. But that’s.... just.... m...eee..............

This is my favorite damn Kakeru line in SSS and he doesn’t even say anything. 

Eeeeyaah... ....

Taiga is amazing in this scene too. BE TRUE TO YOUR EMOTIONS YOU’RE  RUINING DINNER DAMMIT 

I thought when I paused on this scene I’d be able to read some of these posters but not really. Wonder if these are a reference to Yukinojo getting into Japanese rock like he did during the curry event on Prism Rush? Maybe they just wanted to show he has typical teenage boy stuff in his room too. Also, of course, cameo from Andy! 

A translation I actually liked. This is basically exactly what he says ahha... the old men group of Edel Rose (2nd year high schoolers).

For anyone who read my shitty out of context spoilers during the first weekend and thought I was kidding when I said Kakeru almost got murdered by Yukinojo but he kinda deserved it.

I’m still reeling from how fucking real Kakeru gets here...... damn........

Someone in the livestream pointed this out, but we almost never hear Kakeru call Yukinojo “Tachibana” do we?

I jumped an inch in my seat when I saw this at the midnight showing. It was the moment where I was like holy moly we’re not in Kansas anymore and started to realize exactly what we were getting into in SSS. This is a whole new King of Prism. 

When you watch the episodes all strung together in the theater, the first episode runs at the same pace as the movies (in my mind I kinda of think of it as a shorter 3rd movie in itself), so it’s not until you get about here where things first start to slow and deepen and it’s you realize wow.... this really is an anime now..... 

I thought Nikkanen mentioned this superhero on Prism Rush, but he said Yossha-Man haha. Well they are both parodying the same series. (Yattaman/Yattawan?)

I really like Yukinojo’s grandpa. He just has the best old man voice. 

WHOOOOOOSH

This scene is foreshadowed in the first episode of SSS. While Shin is introducing everyone you see Yukinojo’s mother look down at her wrist. 

So it was kind of weird to be like is that gonna be a thing--OH THATS A THING right after haha. The theater experience is great, but these episodes are probably better paced week-to-week like this instead of in odd chunks the way they show them in theaters. 

I think this was foreshadowed in Pride the Hero too isn’t it? (His hairpin shines when he looks at his Mom?)

Perhaps something more shocking happened in the next scene though.

At least to me anyway. 

So ages ago, maybe first movie era, I was reading a profile of Yu in a magazine. Specifically this one:

It mentioned that Yu wears Bell Rose pajamas. 

And I always remembered that. Because hey that’s pretty hilarious. 

YEARS PASS

King of Prism SSS episode 2.

Yukinojo just had a breakdown 

AND THERE’S YU

IN HIS GODDAMN BELL ROSE PAJAMAS

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Seriously my mouth fucking dropped open when I saw this. If only I was at cheering I really would have shrieked and ruined this serious scene ahah.

AND THEN THERES THIS 

This scene just gives me goosebumps everywhere. Yukinojo’s first prism jump. The way Shin screams. AHHHHHHHH--

This scene actually gives me goosebumps too. It’s such a mood. This whole episode is such a mood. 

Kakeru and Yukinojo really have a lot in common. I understand now why they made such good duo partners on Prism Rush. Not only do they both have a lot of weight on their shoulders from their families, but the both inherited it from their mother’s side. Just like Yukinojo’s father married into kabuki, as we learned in Young of Prism it was Kakeru’s father who married into the Juuouin group. Don’t mind my random fact, I just thought it was super interesting.

So. This line kind of confused me a bit. Because I thought a major theme in this episode was about how Yukinojo couldn’t escape his blood. Yukinojo’s mother made that clear.

But then again Yukinojo’s mother also knew his father had this experience where he learned his fate wasn’t controlled by blood at all. 

Maybe that just served for a reason as to why she can see Yukinojo’s soul is in prism shows? I don’t know. 

I’m also really confused by how differently she treats Yukinojo in this scene compared with the flashback. I’m glad she came around, but I feel like we missed something in between. 

I don’t need to say how awesome Yukinojo’s prism show was. It just keeps building more and more tension as it goes on and just ahhhh....

I was really sad the stream froze before you guys found out Yukinojo beat Shin’s score (in sparking). 

Also I feel super dumb because I said something about Yukinojo being only the second male star to do four jumps in a row. I FORGOT ABOUT HIRO

So Louis -> Hiro -> Yukinojo, the first three male stars to successfully do four consecutive jumps. The top male stars by pure skill. 

So this ending.... is NOT the ending we see in the theater. The song and visuals were all new. (Well except for assets reused from the episode well you know what I mean.)

I’m a bit town about this. On the one hand I was REALLY REALLY REALLY looking forward to hearing 366 Love Diary.... But on the other hand it’s cool that they are doing something so special for the TV showing by having different endings every week. And after all, the CD for 366 Love Diary is coming out literally tomorrow.... but....

Okay so clearly I loved this episode but part of me is just really glad it’s over because next week is TAAAIGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and I cannot fucking wait to share it with you guys. 

(My favorite episode of the show.)

(I don’t even know if I can fit all my thoughts on it in a post how long is the limit on Tumblr srsly)

[therandomfics]

Anniversary: 5

How long had it been since you had been happy? It was a question you asked yourself often, especially when you woke up at 3AM because your anxiety wanted to have a chat. You couldn’t remember when you were truly happy. You couldn’t remember when you felt anything other than concern - and mostly for Peter. 

Peter Stone, the bane of your existence and in the very same breath, the one person you wanted to see happy. He was everything to you, and even at his very worst, you wanted to see him successful. His career never seemed to falter despite his personal conflicts - drinking, cheating, lying, the works - and it was something that you’d always admired. Even during his baseball career, when you’d first met, you realized how important it was for him to be successful. 

What bothered you was that it was his desire for professional fame that never seemed to be impacted, but rather his personal life that took the toll. Countless times over the past five years you’d taken a backseat and allowed him to do what he felt was right. Through all of his trials and tribulations, you were the ever present source of light. When his father passed away, you held down the fort while he handled business. You supported his decision to move to New York, uprooting your life to follow him and show your support. When his sister perished, you held his shaking, weeping frame and told no one of his admissions of guilt and fear. Even when he was accused of rape, you stood by his side... but, you had to admit, you weren’t sure if you really believed that he hadn’t done it. He had a drinking problem and a knack for seduction - after all, that’s how you’d met. The bar scene wasn’t your thing, but it was a pivotal trip to a club with friends that lead you into the arms of your now husband. 

It wasn’t until you’d fallen in love with Peter that you realized what a horrible person he was - although back then, you wouldn’t have called horrible. You were blinded by his charm, his fame, his good looks, his personality. He kissed you like he was starving for more and the passion that you shared couldn’t be rivaled. The first few months were bliss and you were oblivious to his indiscretion. It didn’t matter, he’d reasoned and told you that you weren’t truly together but he would change and he would be yours only. 

And maybe a few other women here and there. 

Cold water washed over your body, reminding you that your shower was over and you had used the hot water reserve in the heater. You shivered and turned the water off, shoving the curtain back and wrapping a towel around your body. The only thing you still enjoyed about being with Peter was that you were able to start your own business and watch it grow. Without him, that wouldn’t have been possible. 

The marble counter provided a nice surface for your phone to vibrate across, filling your ears with the whirring sound of an incoming call. Peter. 

You answered but said nothing. 

“Y/N. I can hear you.” 

“What do you want?” 

He sighed. “I want to talk to you.” 

“You’re talking.” 

“In person, I mean.” 

You rolled your eyes and exhaled gently. “That’s not a good idea, Peter. I’m sorry.” 

“I love you.” 

Your finger tapped the red button on the phone faster than you thought possible. Perhaps Peter did love you, but it surely wasn’t your version of love. 

                        ______________________________________

“I’m sorry that I called you.” You smiled half-heartedly and tapped your fingers against your coffee mug. It had been a week since you’d seen Peter and you had no intentions of trying to contact him until you were ready. He wouldn’t be able to rush you this time. 

“Don’t apologize,” Sonny replied, offering you a smile. You wanted to trust him, but that seemed impossible. Not just with him, but with anyone. How could you put faith in another person when your own husband was the very definition of bullshit. “Are you okay?” 

You shrugged and folded your arms across your chest. It was defensive and involuntary, but you kept your stance. “I don’t know, Sonny. I don’t have anyone to talk to about what’s going on. My family warned me not to marry him. I mean I guess I knew, too, but I thought that it would be the right motivation to get him where he needed to be. He’s just gotten worse.” 

Sonny nodded knowingly and frowned. “Stone and I have spent a lot of time together and I am disgusted that I didn’t know he was married. You know? I mean I helped the guy out...” he trailed off and sighed. “Sorry. You don’t need to know that.” 

“I kind of already do,” you admitted. “I was so starstruck when I met him. He was like a god. He paid attention to me. He made me feel like I was the most important thing in the world and then I caught him with another woman on a few different occasions but.. who was I to say he was wrong for it? Look at me. Peter is out of my league. He fits in here. A lot of you New York guys look like you could model full time.” 

Sonny blushed and averted his gaze to anything but you. He was flattered but it was inappropriate given the situation you were in and his affiliation to your husband. “Why do you think that? You’re beautiful. I’m not just saying that. You really are. Stone should respect your marriage and appreciate you for the person that you are. I’ve only seen you twice now and I can tell you’re kind and you’ve got a good heart. I’ve been looking for you for a long time.” 

You looked up at Sonny with saucer eyes. “What?” 

“I mean, I uh. I meant someone like you, that’s what I was sayin’.” His face was blood red and you suppressed a giggle. 

“Right....” you muttered and sipped your coffee.  “Where is he?” 

“He told me he’s staying at a hotel near the courthouse.” Of course, you already knew that because of the alert you got from the bank about a suspicious charge on your account. It was more a test of Sonny’s honesty than anything else. “He’s been at work everyday and he looks like he’s okay.” 

You nodded slowly and let your shoulders slump. “Thanks for meeting with me. It means a lot that you’d take the time out of your day to talk to me about someone you consider a good friend.” 

“Considered,” Sonny corrected you. 

                         _____________________________________

“I’ve been doing - don’t interrupt me - a lot of thinking and I think we need to figure out what’s actually going to happen with us.” You were pacing back and forth in your bedroom, phone to your ear as you waited for Peter’s response. 

“What do you mean what’s going to happen?” 

“I need to see you. I’m at home. Can you come by when you get off work?” 

“I can be there in an hour.” 

“Sure.” 

Three weeks had passed since you’d asked Peter to leave. He had listened and kept his distance, respecting your boundaries and giving you time to process what had happened. In the past, you’d never given yourself a chance to assess the situation and had taken him back into your life within hours. This time it was different. This time you were married and he had broken his vows to you in only a year’s time. Things weren’t easy, and they never really had been, but enough was enough. You were no stranger to difficulty. 

Peter let himself in and shut the door, draping his coat over the arm of the couch and setting his briefcase on the floor. “Where are you at?” he called out. 

“Kitchen,” you replied and braced yourself for the worst. He walked into the room and your stomach was in knots. He was so handsome - a tailored suit and a fresh haircut - and it was hard to resist him. You wanted nothing more than to rush forward and embrace him, to let him lie to you and promise you a world he could never truly offer. “Hi.” 

“Hi. You wanted to talk?” he asked, seating himself at the bar. Thank God he put a solid barrier between the two of you. 

You nodded and leaned forward on the counter, your forearms flush against the granite. “Do you remember when we first started dating, and I was head over heels in love with you?” 

“How could I forget?” 

“And remember when I told you for the first time that I loved you?”

“Yes. Where is this going?” He arched a brow and propped his elbows on the counter. 

You waved your hand to shush him. “I never thought someone like you would want someone like me, and I was so baffled by it that I never wanted to let you go. If I let you leave, I’d never find anyone like you again and that’s a terrifying thought. Being alone, I mean, that’s.. I can’t.. but I guess I am alone already. People look at you more than they look at me. You’re beautiful. You’re so fucking perfect.” The heat was rising to your cheeks and you felt them turn from a pink to a crimson in seconds. Your heart pounded in your ears and your mouth was dry. You felt like you were giving a speech in college again, in front of 300 people you didn’t know - but you knew they were critiquing you. 

“Y/N, I don’t understand. You’re beautiful. I love everything about you. Everything. I can’t imagine myself with anyone else.” 

You laughed and choked at the same time, breaking the dam and letting the tears flow freely. “You’re always with someone else,” you hissed and stood up, wiping your face dry. “That’s the problem. I’d rather be alone than to wait around for you to get someone else pregnant, or get HIV, or whatever. You haven’t touched me in months and I guess that’s for the best.” 

Peter stood up and slowly walked around the corner. No matter how awful he was to you, you knew that he hated to see you cry and would do anything to get you to calm down. His arms pulled you close and he held you against his chest, rubbing your back softly. “I think we need to get professional help. I do, I know I do, but I think for the sake of what I’ve done to you, we both need it.” 

You caved and wrapped your arms around him, burying your face into the fabric of his shirt. He was your safe place to land, or he used to be. He hadn’t been around lately and you’d found yourself crashing to the ground below without so much as a safety net. It was a reminder you needed. You squeezed him tightly and then let go abruptly, breaking from his grasp. It was hard to be near him when you knew that your comfort zone was someone else’s happy hour. You could almost feel the warmth from another woman holding him.

“C’mere..” he whispered and reached for you again. His attempt was shot down when you slapped his hand away and locked your eyes with his. 

“I want a divorce.”