#all the psych ward does is ‘get you out of trouble’

[yourheartinyourmouth]

any time a medical professional asks if i’m having suicidal ideation i have to lie, because i literally can’t afford to be trapped in the psych ward for 3 days :)

i don’t have savings, who is gonna pay the rent?? the cops who arrest me for being suicidal? the psych ward ppl????

[saltylandland]

‘Who hasn’t jerked off while their family was fighting downstairs?’

I.E I loved Lisa Frankenstein and while I don’t want to see cole sprouse in a porno (cuz I really don’t lol) this scene would’ve slapped so this post and this poll is what decided this fic. Sorry if this is unreadable I mostly wrote it sleep deprived

Warnings: y’all heard of David being the hidden romantic, but are you prepared for somewhat romantic! Marko? (More like virgin, obsessed with the reader) Vibrator, somewhat voyeuristic? Also Marko can turn into a bat instead of a revamped corpse for the purposes of our story

Also go watch Lisa Frankenstein y’all it’s so good

As you walk through the door you feel your soul escaping you, floating around dizzyingly. Surely it’s finding its way to hell before your body follows it, not that you particularly believed in hell anyway.

Greeting you in the front foyer is your father and step sister, with varied states of worry. Lovingly contrasted by your numbness. You bring her into a hug, comforting her over her missing mother. With a sharp sting you feel the bat in your pocket bite you through your clothes.

With a hiss you jump out of the embrace “ow you little shit” rubbing near the spot where he’d bitten you mutter quietly. Your sister looks at you through her tears, “what?” You subconsciously hit your pocket as nerves rack through you. “I said you must be going through it, hah ha”

Your sister nods with a rueful smile “yeah, I think we’re going to make a police report, would you like to join us?” Your back straightens as you inch up the stairs away from her “oh, you know, I choose to believe that she will be here first thing in the morning, making a police report makes it feel real, ya know?” With a watery smile she pulls you back in for a hug before you bolt, blissfully unaware of her mother’s two killers in front of her. “Yeah, she’ll be home tomorrow, then we can all laugh together about the missing person report”

“Yeah, truely” and with that you leap up the stairs to your room.

Even with the distance between them you could still hear your father’s and panicked step sister talking. Slowly you close your door before leaving it open a crack as Marko jumps out of your pocket, swiftly changing into his human form as soon as he could. Buzzing about, he digs through your closet for pyjamas and you two get ready for bed. It feels oddly… domestic.

Marko gets to bed first, patting the space beside him as you slowly crawl into your place. You heave a tired sigh as the day sets in on you, as you watch Marko grab the ‘massager’, offering to ‘massage’ you for your troubles.

Looking at his eager face you wouldn’t have been able to even conceive the look of utter bloodthirst he had on as he ‘got rid of the evidence’. But looking at his expression now, you don’t feel anything you probably should feel isn’t present. You didn’t want to go to the psyche ward your ‘intuitive’ step mother wanted to send you too, and looking at the person who made that go away…

He’s still fiddling with the vibrator, waiting till you let him massage you. Reaching for it, you stiltedly lean over. “You know… it’s not a massager actually… actually it’s used for…” gesturing wildly a bit, you gently push the wand down to your upper thigh. You see his back straighten as he hesitates for a second on what to do.

Trailing it up your thigh your body does a full body shiver as you giggle from nerves. There were countless times you’ve used the vibratior yourself, but there’s something about the alien feeling of the wand exploring your body in someone else’s hand. Up and over your stomach gently it goes all the way to your neck and back. Just like how he’s done before with his normal massages. This time, his lips trail over the same areas, ghosting over your skin carefully. Devotedly.

Marko watches your reactions with rapid attention, as the wand starts to dip back down to the lower half of your body. It started agonisingly slow, but as your breath hitches, he picks up the pace with an eager grin. He’s so close to your pussy you hold yourself back from grabbing at his hand to pull him closer, until you suddenly hear from beyond the loud thrumming of your wand. Your step sister crying louder as she talks on the phone and- oh fuck

Marko presses the wand right on your mound, so close to your clit, yet still a bit clumsy. But with the prep beforehand to make you all hot and bothered, it feels heavenly. Shaking you go grab his hand to push it away but he holds steady, your voice pitching uncontrollably higher that you worry your family below can hear you. Marko shows no remorse nor any signs of stopping, not that you’d want him too.

Moving the wand around to find the best reaction you can give and once he finds your clit you give him quite a show. Half leaning on his chest your back arches as you moan. One hand on the pillows below you and the other taken captive by Marko’s other hand. Which he holds up to his mouth to kiss. A sweet gentlemanly action as he rubs the sex toy directly over your clit.

You still listen disconnectedly to your family downstairs as they talk on the phone, but that worry only heightens your high. With a final desperate gasp you cum in your pyjamas. The lights in the house flicker from the voltage your vibrator requires.

Basking in the afterglow of your orgasm, you listen to the sounds downstairs, your family have since finished the police report and dispersed to who knows where.

Fiddling with your clothes while you were distracted, Marko pressed the wand onto your bare skin. Looking at him quickly, you start to melt into his embrace once again.

[ididit-allofit-foryou]

supernatural post simulator part 1

(part 2)

______

🚗 impala67 Follow

any1 have a good pie recipe? #hangry

😈 6669 Follow

pu$$y in bi0

🚗 impala67 Follow

fuck off crowley i know its u. i WILL report u for harassment

🐝 chassiscrack Follow

Dean…how do you know it’s him? The only post on the blog is a picture of his dick. 🤨

🚗 impala67 Follow

…how do U know its HIS dick ???

🐝 chassiscrack Follow

…dm me.

🌕 queen-of-moons Follow

trouble at the devil’s sacrament i see 👀👀

#the tea is PIPING

(6 notes)

🐺 were-inthe-pire Follow

turns out getting sucked dry by your absolute bear of a vampire husband during a full moon helps lessen the effects of the transformation!!! who woulda thought! ! (& i don’t just mean by his fangs 😉🤭)

🧛‍♂️ pire-inthe-were Follow

anything for you, darlin 🖤

🚗 impala67 Follow

get a room u 2

#(love yall)

(458 notes)

🔪 knife-lesbian-freak Follow

which weapon is best for decapitations, trying to prove a point

machete 🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦 50%

sword 🟦🟦🟦 30%

razor wire (??) 0%

saw 🟦🟦 20%

final results 247 votes

🔪 knife-lesbian-freak Follow

see @.lawboy ??? wtf were you thinking using fucking RAZOR WIRE???

💻 lawboy Follow

It was all I had available!! It was creative and resourceful!!

🔪 knife-lesbian-freak Follow

whatever. 🙄

#i will never let you live that down istg

(73 notes)

🏍️ bik3rbarbi3 Follow

are my dark circles and scars and daddy issues and mommy issues and blood stained clothes and swagless demeanor bewitching & charming you yet?

🌟 dreamscape Follow

yes <3

🏍️ bik3rbarbi3 Follow

kaia bb ily <3

🌟 dreamscape Follow

ily2 <3

#txt me when ur home from hunt #dnt 4get again pls i wry

(3 notes)

💻 lawboy Follow

Hey all! As requested, I have made a comprehensive ranking of Céline Dion’s discography, including explanations for each song’s placement! Full list below the cut. :)

—-read more—

🚗 impala67 Follow

heh finally fessing up 2 ur music tastes samantha?

🍀 luckofthe-eirish Follow

finally fessing up to wearing pink satin panties (and liking it), dean?

🚗 impala67 Follow

…😶

🍀 luckofthe-eirish Follow

>:)

#thanks for the intel cas

(17 notes)

✍️ farethewell-deactivated20201112

does anyone want to hear about my ocs 😇🙏

🚗 impala67 Follow

NO

💻 lawboy Follow

NO.

🐝 chassiscrack Follow

no. 🖕

🍀 luckofthe-eirish Follow

fuck off

🌟 dreamscape Follow

NO

🏍️ bik3rbarbi3 Follow

i will fucking skin you bitch

🌕 queen-of-moons Follow

NOPE.

👤 ap-hansolo Follow

i reactivated my account JUST to tell you to go fuck yourself @farethewell-deactivated20201119

#literally NO ONE CARES

(32 notes)

🌳 anna-conda Follow

I have a foolproof process for deconstructing cultush religious indoctrination. step 1: Be reincarnated as a different species. step 2: Remember your past life and be admitted to a psych ward. step 3: ….well. I'm still workshopping. I will get back to you on that.

(3 notes)

👁️ lobotomizer3000 Follow

@.chassiscrack YOU WILL LEARN TO OBEY YOUR SUPERIORS. I WILL NOT REST UNTIL YOU SUBMIT TO THE NATURAL ORDER.

🐝 chassiscrack Follow

@.staff wtf you said she was perma-banned

🚗 impala67 Follow

yeah @.staff do ur job holy shit

👁️ lobotomizer3000 Follow

@.chassiscrack UNBLOCK ME NOW OR FACE MY WRATH AND THAT OF HEAVEN.

(3 notes)

👼 ilikenougat Follow

hi :)

(4,849,499 notes)

[atlasscrumpit]

Psych Ward au (Alice Alice)

Miguel made his way to the solitary part of the ward, after hearing about a fight between you and one of the other patients.

He opened the door to see you curled up in the corner.

"Y/N, are you hungry?" He asked as you slowly looked up and nodded. 

"You can come out and eat in your room, you need to stay separate from the other patients for a while." He said as you slowly stood up and shuffled out of the dull confined space.

"I didn't even do anything." You grumbled as you walked beside the doctor.

"Don't start that, Y/N. We'll talk about what happened later, okay?" He replied, you nodded and kept quiet, continuing to follow him down the hallway.

"Can I have an extra piece of bread tonight?" You asked as Miguel sighed and looked at you.

"Y/N, you got into a fight. No, you're not getting special treatment." He replied as you rolled your eyes.

"Wasn't even my fault, but whatever."

--

After you had finished eating you sat in Miguel's office, slumped on the chair as you stared at him.

"Alice is pretty hurt and shaken up after what you did to her." He said as you rolled your eyes again.

"She likes getting fucking beat up, that's not my issue." You grumbled as Miguel sighed and rubbed the sides of his head.

"Why did you beat her up?" He asked as you finally sat up straight and brought your knees to your chest.

"Because, she fucking taunted me until I cracked. She fucking always does it so I get in trouble." You growled, trying to not get even angrier.

"We've been trying to work on your anger issues, so why does Alice break all that down?" He asked as you crossed your arms.

"She reminds me of my sister... My sister used to always blame me for everything and I'd get beaten! She always got away with it. And that's exactly like Alice! Alice taunts me until I beat her and then I get punished." You shouted as you felt tears in your eyes. 

“I just want someone to listen… Just listen!” You screamed as you stood up. 

“Y/N, it’s okay.” Miguel reassured you as you sighed and sat down again. 

“I’m sorry… I’m just so used to no one listening to me and it hurts.” You muttered, Miguel was beginning to see your side of the story and it did make sense. 

“I’ll talk to Alice about this. But, you still caused a fight and that means a night in solitary.” He said as you looked away sadly. 

“Can I bring my teddy this time?” You whispered as Miguel smiled softly. 

“Okay, but don’t tell anyone, okay?” 

—

It actually wasn’t too bad in solitary, the bed was pretty comfortable and sometimes it was nice to have time away. 

But, when morning came you woke up to a loud scream. You jolted away and looked up to see that the solitary room door was wide open. 

“Doctor O’hara?” You muttered, clutching your teddy to your chest. 

You heard a bunch of commotion and went to step outside but realised no one had told you that you could. You just stayed at the precipice of the solitary cell. 

Suddenly a nurse rushed down the hallway and slammed the cell door shut causing you to fall back. 

The lockdown alarms began to blare as you felt tears in your eyes. 

You grabbed the blanket on the bed and covered yourself with it, trying to block out the loud sirens. 

—

Hours passed and finally the door opened, you uncovered yourself and looked up. 

“I’m thirsty… I haven’t had water.” You muttered as Miguel knelt down and handed you a water bottle. 

“I’m sorry it took so long, Y/N. We need to go somewhere, okay? There’s some people here to speak with you.” He said as you looked at him in confusion. 

“What… I don’t understand.” You muttered as Miguel sighed. 

“You’re safe, Y/N. But, some things have happened and there’s some police here that need to talk to you.” He said, only making you even more confused. 

“Will you be staying?” You whispered in fear as he offered you a smile. 

“I’ll be right beside you the entire time.”

--

You sat in front of two police officers as they asked you questions, you hated that they were treating you like a child.

"Can someone just tell me what's going on?" You grumbled, swinging your legs back and forth out of boredom.

"Y/N, Alice was murdered last night." One of the officers said as your eyes widened.

"Alice is dead?" You muttered in shock as they nodded.

"We know you two didn't exactly get along." They replied, suddenly everything clicked.

"You think I killed her!?" You shouted as Miguel quickly put his hand on your shoulder.

"Easy, Y/N. No one's saying that, they're just asking some questions." Miguel reassured you as you nodded a little and turned back to the police.

"Listen, I hated Alice... She was an awful human being but I would never kill her." You grumbled, crossing your arms.

"But, you do have a record for trying to kill people, don't you, Y/N?" The man said as he pulled out your file.

Your eyes widened as you looked at Miguel.

"With all due respect, Y/N is...difficult. I would rather you not bring up her past, at least not right now." Miguel said, stepping forward.

"This is a murder case, we have every right to conduct an investigation." They said as Miguel groaned and rubbed his head.

"There a different protocols here, you can come back tomorrow with someone who's more equipped to deal with our patients." He said firmly, but he was correct, there were different rules here.

And the cops knew that.

"Fine, we'll be back tomorrow."

--

You were being forced to stay in solitary, you were the number one suspect for the case.

You still fucking hated Alice, a part of you thought she killed herself just to pin it on you.

The next morning Miguel came in to get you at 8am, he sat you in his office where the police officers would interrogate you.

Mifuel gave you a cup of coffee and some breakfast.

"I just wanted you to have a moment to eat something before they came. Y/N, when all this happened... The door to solitary was wide open. It doesn't look good." Miguel whispered as you began to eat.

"I know... But, I woke up with it open like that." You muttered as Miguel looked at you sadly.

He knew you, he had been your doctor for a while now and as much as you got violent he didn't see you just killing someone...at least not with the medication you were on.

"Why do they have to bring up my father... It's not fair. That stuff...it was different." You muttered as you continued to eat.

"I know, this new officer is a bit better with this stuff. I know her, she's good at her job, okay?" He replied making you nod in response.

You eventually finished your breakfast when someone entered the office, thankfully it was two female officers this time.

"You must be Y/N." She said as you smiled a little.

Immediately you could tell she would be a lot better at her job than the other idiots.

She pulled up a chair and sat beside you while she sent the other officer to look around the hospital.

"It was all pretty rushed yesterday, that's why the officers you saw weren't well equipped to deal with this. I'm just going to ask you some questions and take some finger prints, and if any of it gets too much you let me know and we'll take a break, okay?" She said with a kind smile as you nodded a little.

About two hours passed until she was finally finished with everything.

"Do I have to go into a cell?" You whispered as she looked at you sadly.

"I think for the time being we will keep you in your room, okay? It's a lot more comfortable there, isn't it?" She said as you smiled and nodded.

A murder entered to escort you back to your room.

"I'll come check on you soon, Y/N. Just follow Nancy back to your room, okay?" Miguel said as you nodded and followed the nurse.

You were thankful you didn't have to stay in solitary anymore, or even worse a cell at the police station.

Miguel sighed and looked at the officer.

"Thank you for doing this... Y/N is sensitive, she isn't like us, she needs a little extra help sometimes. I know I'm not meant to say anything but...Y/N's a good person. Her and Alice hated each other but Y/N never would've killed anyone." Miguel said as the officer nodded.

"I can't say much now... But, you'll be the first to know when something is decided." She said before leaving Miguel alone in his office.

Miguel sat down in his chair and rubbed his head.

All of this was such a mess, Alice's family was going to be angry and grieving but even more so, wanting the one suspect to get shoved in prison without a thought.

--

Miguel sat in his office with the head Police officer, he was nervous.

"Well... There's good news and...just news I guess." She muttered as Miguel nodded.

"We didn't find any finger prints on Alice expect for her own. However, we did find Alice's finger prints on the door to solitary." She said as Miguel's face scrunched up in confusion.

"So, what does that mean?" He asked as the woman sighed.

"It means this is a suicide case. Alice committed suicide and my best guess is that she opened the door to solitary to make it look like Y/N had killed her. But, judging by the finger prints and the way she died... It all points to suicide. It's an open and close case." She said as Miguel sighed, a weight being lifted off his shoulders.

"It's terrible that this happened... But, I am thankful Y/N isn't any part of it." He replied, feeling like he could cry at how relieved he was.

"I'll be visiting back a few times to get Alice's things for her family, we think it's best her family stay away form the hospital. The rest of the patients here have been through enough." She said making Miguel smile.

"Thank you...so much." He said standing up to shake her hand.

"I'll let you go tell Y/N, I know she would rather it come from you." She said before leaving, Miguel stood in his office just taking a few breaths before he made his way down the hallway to your room.

He opened it to see you fast asleep, after all this whole ordeal would've tired you out.

He knelt beside your bed and gently shook you awake.

You turned over and yawned.

"Doctor? What's wrong?" You muttered as he offered you a reassuring smile.

"Well, the case is closed now. And, it was ruled as suicide." He informed you as you breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm sorry that this happened..." You whispered as he smiled softly.

"It's okay, you don't need to worry about it, okay? If you need to talk about it, you come to me anytime of the day, okay?" He said as you smiled and nodded.

"Thank you, Dr. O'hara." You muttered as he stood up.

"I'll let you get some more rest, sweetie."

[p1nkm1lkslug]

" 𝐈𝐟 𝐈 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐥, 𝐈 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭.. " ☣

more hhead canons about my OCS and I am definitely gonna start building up my creeps au, but for now enjoy these :3

-aria arche

- she is the second youngest sister and is Samaras twin sister

- tends to have a resting bitch face (and it is genuinely what she's thinking)

- antisocial, grew up with people assuming she was a social butterfly that enjoyed talking (when in reality she just enjoyed dressing very girly)

- picky with who she spends time with, no where near a people pleaser, she will tell you if you annoyed her

-however she's really good with communication, however people tend to be intimated by her

-not sad, I feel like when some people meet her they assume she has some deep reason but in reality she legit just enjoys her own time (this applies to everyone)

-isn't close with her Sister, the two lived very different life, they would write letters when Sam was first admitted to the psych ward but soon they stopped.

- when reuniting it was.. Awkward, she didn't really have any reaction to her dead twin coming back

-this made Samara over all act up, she's more emotional then aria

- while Samara quit ballet at 14 , aria continues to still take classes

- is aware people see her as bitchy (which she really isn't, avoiding, annoyed, silent, yes. Mean?. Not really)

- she was a very independent kid from a very young age, she never connected with Jordan because, how do you care for a younger sister who does what she can to be left alone, need to do chores? Done, clean the room, done. Jordan tried to parent her but it was hard when she wanted nothing to do with them

- and never got along with Freddie, mainly because she HATES kids, she won't hurt them but by no means is she gonna hold your baby, and wasn't ever forced to take care or babysit for Freddie, mainly because she refused to (stubborn so no one could break her)

- the only people who really know her are samra, Jordan and mishal (and even they have trouble understanding her)

- not really a hater? I mean she has gone through INSANE lengths to avoid people So she hasn't met many

- tends to be obsessive when ever she does find something of interest

- doesn't go by any labels, she is aware she can feel love but isn't really sure she sees herself in a relationship, she does care for people but has no clue what to say or do

- doesn't feel human, she just feels hollow, something feels like it's missing but she has no idea what it is

-never cried growing, only time was when she was 12, she had been yelled at during class and just broke down, like red face snot dripping and drooling tears,

- while I don't see her really interacting with any of the creeps, hypothetically it would go like this:

-she would find will kind of annoying

-Frankie she would just ignore 💀-same with Jack, she just has no clue what the fuck they want 😭

- I feel like Issac would try getting to know her because "ah finally a quiet calm proper women in this day in age, how are you? " "... " Like girl dgaf

-her Samara tend to fight, not often but it's just sad, she feels bad but never really knows how to act? And is just silent while Sam is just angry and emotional

- she has a very muted style, it's very basic she isn't trying to stand out, wears cardigans, jeans, sweaters, dresses and ballet flats

-mainly in dark or creme colors-hair tends to just be straight, long and thick, she doesn't do much, might tie it up if it's hot but that's about it

-for some inspired here:

- she tends to have sunken eyes, eye bags and acne scars (not a fan of skincare or makeup or just anything on her face, she struggles putting on lotion because of the texture)

- enjoys doing ballet, walking, learning about whatever interests her (spirits, Greek, church architecture and cults)

- music she enjoys: hole, Fiona Apple, Lesley Gore, Abba, verruca salt, bikini kill, Adel, Hozier (ima make a playlist I swear)

- Samara finds it funny that she isn't the one who turned to murder, she looks like a stereotypical killer, she has her saved under "Patrick Bateman" On her phone 💀

- while labels don't concern her, she's aware she is more fem but is more gender apathetic, he, she, they bro DOESN'T CARE 💯🙏😍

-and just a mood board I made for them

thats it :3

[artzychic27]

Ooh! What are the other students of Dupont like in the Shadyverse? What are their crimes and personalities, and do they also cause trouble in costumes?

Marinette

Poisoned a few customers with her “special” pastries, which sent many to the hospital

No reason other than she found rat poison and wanted to see if it worked on humans

She’s just a tad bit paranoid and always makes people eat her food before her to see if it’s poisoned or not as payback for her crimes

She still likes to sew, but a lot of her designs are based off well known toxins

Alya

Spread rumors that got several people arrested and sent to psych wards

She wants people to hang off of her every word and if she needs to make some of her rumors true to do that, so be it

If there’s an outlandish rumor flying around, Alya probably started it

Incredibly annoyed by her sisters and his not above starting a few rumors about Nora taking supplements and lying about Ella and Etta ruining their mother’s dishes

Nino

Stole and plagiarized music from young musicians and passed them all off as his own while making hundred of euros a week by selling CDs

He’s also known to be quite violent when the right buttons are pushed. Don’t cross him

He hates to do any work for himself and relies on empty promises and gullible morons

He’s got a soft spot for Chris and makes sure to teach him everything he knows

Adrien

Used his connections to have each of his fans stupid enough to put the return address on their fan letters stalked for months

It gets boring as a young model and he needs something to keep him entertained

So, what better way than by seeing how far he can push some poor sap before they eventually break

He even does this to his own parents

Ivan

A bit of physical assault here, some intimidation there

Uses his stature against others to keep people out of his way and give him what he wants

He’s got a soft spot for his sister and will take down anyone who poses as a threat to her

Before you try to get back at him, ask yourselves, “Do I want to die today?”

Myléne

Committed charity fraud and stole over two millions euros to buy herself clothes from companies that everyone knows makes money off of child labor

She’s apathetic towards charity cases and sees them as nothing more than an annoyance

Any time an opportunity to do some good comes up, she looks the other way

Extremely vain and only obsessed with having the best clothes

Rose

May or may not have poisoned a few IV bags in while posing as an intern at a hospital

Rose is a bit like Adrien and Marinette. She likes to conduct “experiments” on others

She doesn’t see the people outside of DuPont as people, just test subjects for her to try her toxin-laced perfumes on

She holds a place in her heart for Juleka, the only one smart enough to known if she’s poisoned her drink or not

Juleka

Stabbed several people at random with makeshift knives

Just to see how quickly they bleed out

Juleka’s always had a fascination with morbid stuff and gets a thrill out of traumatizing people

Luka’s her right hand, posing as the scared good twin looking for help before she strikes

Alix

Sold items in the museum to wealthy buyers for months until the eventually got caught

Alix and Nino share a love for get rich quick schemes and occasionally conspire with each other

She’s never above blaming others for her crimes, including her own brother

If you wordly possession has gone missing, it was likely that Alix stole and sold it

Nathaniel

He used fear and blackmail to make the student body obey him and grovel at the ground he walked on

Back at his last school, he possessed the Butterfly Miraculous and looked through students memories in their sleep to dig up dirt on them

Nathaniel absolutely HATES being seen as second rate and makes sure to let everyone know he’s the one who holds the power

Uses the Butterfly Miraculous for no reason other than to get his way

Kim

Physical assault charges that never stuck becuase everyone was afraid of him

There’s no telling what this guy will do. He’s unpredictable and gets a thrill out of seeing people flinch when he walks by

Makes a show of seeming like a nice guy to people who don’t know him before he does a 180

It’s how he got the Ladybug Miraculous

Max

Hacked into the grade books and ruined everyone’s GPAs just for the hell of it

He enjoys being the best and likes to tear people down in order for that to happen

Is always a step ahead of others. To him, life is only a video game where he knows all the codes

He saw the box sticking out of the old man’s pocket. So, he helped him up and swiped it right while he wasn’t looking

Chloé

Basically what canon Chloé does before season 4 and minus the Akumas

… So, not going into detail, other than she’s not the worst person at DuPint

Sabrina

Framed several teachers she didn’t like so her dad would arrest them

Sabrina got a sick thrill out of using her dad’s positions to gain fear and respect

She’s played the role of the good lieutenant’s daughter actively pointing out horrible crimes, when really, she just wants certain people out of her life

He tricks won’t work anymore, but she can always count on a few suckers

Lila:

Canon Lila but without the… You know

She and Alya are the main rumor mills at school and are actively turning people against one another for the thrill of it

She doesn’t lie to get people to do what she wants out of pity. She just does it to ruin lives

Besides, it’s like a game for her

Marc

Psychologically tortured his classmates and actively threatened just about everyone for the smallest incidents

Marc thrives off of fear from others, even his own family

He’s been Kiran’s main caretaker since he was born, not that he gave his mothers much of a choice and constantly warns him about the dangers of going outside so he can keep his “precious baby brother” all to himself

Now that he’s at DuPont, he can no longer protect Kiran and fills the void with his Senticreatures

Aurore

Kept her family under her thumb for years with all sorts of threats before they finally sent her to DuPont

A bit unhinged, but plays it off as the stressed out “little miss perfect”

No one had any reason to suspect Aurore since she seemed like perfection incarnate, but they never saw what else she did

Aurore can easily get into peoples heads, so watch out for that

Mireille

Was caught cheating in one of Alec’s contests and many others before that by rigging the votes

Extremely confident and selfish, Mireille does whatever it takes to win in life

Similar to Max, she sees life as only a chessboard where everyone is a pawn

Mireille can make even the most confident people question themselves

Cosette

Manipulated her siblings into committing crimes for her and put on the facade of the innocent younger sibling when they try to blame her

One of the school’s master manipulators, they get a thrill out of making others do their dirty work

For years, they made Yvette and Jordyn look like the bad siblings while they were a perfect Angel

Its manipulation won’t work at DuPont, but Cosette has many other tricks

Lacey

Broke into people’s homes with her rock climbing gear and stole any money or jewelry they had lying around

Prone to violence when questioned, Lacey is one of the people you don’t want to mess with

She has a place in her heart for her brothers, and it crushed her to see the hurt in their eyes when she was caught

Dubbed, “Queen of Thieves” by members of her small but active gang of others sent to DuPont for thievery. They look up to her

Jean

Used his looks to get the male students to do as he pleased- Steal, do his homework, take out anyone who poses as a threat to him

Jean is incredibly vain and obsessed with his looks. Becuase when you’re gorgeous, people do whatever you want

His tactics still work at DuPont, and he’s getting away with it all

The only person he’ll ever love is Austin Tomassian, his boyfriend and the leader of the most notorious gang at DuPont

Denise

Beat up just about anyone weaker than them… So pretty much everyone, for no reason other than they could

Denise ruled their other school with an iron fist, constantly hustling students out of their money, starting fist fights, and making no empty threats

They, Kim, Ivan, and any other muscular students are one of the most feared gangs at DuPont

Simon, of course, is safe from any sort of torment unless a certain someone wants to meet Denise’s fist

Simon

Filmed people at out of context moments and posted them on all of his social media accounts to have their lives ruined

Why? Becuase they can.

He’s pretty close with Lila and Alya, but wishes they’d step up their game just a little bit

Lords it over peoples heads that he’s dating one of the most feared students at DuPont

Reshma

Used her family name and bribery to always have her way at school, and made any lower income students do as she pleased

Reshma is a nightmare version of Regina George

She’s in with the gang of rich kids who bribe the other students to entertain them

Still close with Ismael and is not above getting physical with anyone who disrespects him

Ismael

Tried to burn his own house down with his mother still inside

He told everyone she had it coming, but his dad insisted on sending him to DuPont to avoid prison

Ismael has trust issues, and only puts his faith in Reshma, the one who helped him find unscented kerosene

It’s best not to mess with him since he’s got backup from the wealthiest gang at DuPont

Zoé

Used threats and occasional blackmail to make everyone at her last school fear her

Like Nathaniel, Zoé ruled over her school at New York with an iron fist before she was eventually sent to DuPont

Zoé HATES anyone who poses as competition, which is why she made herself the unquestioned leader of the gang of rich kids

Often funds most of Cosette’s crimes. They CANNOT say no to her

As for any of them having the Miraculous, Blood Beetle and Ikati Bleak are working to hunt down the old man they got their Miraculous from, knowing he has more

Thanks to Max’s intellect, they’re able to sneak out of DuPont undetected to cause chaos

While the four of them could easily destroy DuPont and free their associates, special forces will be called in and they’ll all just be shipped to some maximum security prison that’s countries away, so they need to find the Miraculous to give them all powers and even the odds

Plus, Prince Pain refuses to send his babies into battle

[angelosearch]

Hooray Tumblr is letting me post this now!!

The following is a super intense, probably too personal essay about trying to process the overwhelmingly GOOD news that I got into grad school.

I wasn't sure about posting this, but ultimately, it is a story about never giving up, because you never know where you will be in a couple of years. So maybe this will help someone who is struggling with feelings of being trapped in their own lives.

It can get better, and it will.

I look at my life right now and I am so overwhelmed and grateful. I get to be creative every day. I am writing again. I am always learning new things about art and psychology. I have a lovely home and amazing husband and great dog that I cherish. I have met some incredible people that, now that they are in my life, I never want them to leave.

And now I have gotten into grad school.

It all seems impossibly fantastic and I wonder what I did to deserve this. There is also a part of me that is curious when I will mess it up, but in this big tangle of emotions I am feeling, I am trying not to dwell on those.

There is a cord of sentiment that is thicker and wrapped around the rest. Something that I can't put a name to, but it has a color the shade of something thankful. Every time I twirl it around my mind I start to tear up.

It is the feeling that I am living a life I never could have imagined in my darkest days and I am just... so so so happy I am still here for them.

In the winter of 2020, after a life-long battle with mental illness, I gave up. I didn't try to give up, I actually gave up. It is only by some kindness of the universe that I am still here to type this post.

Suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary question--but the problem is, when you spend a good portion of your life haunted by depression and trauma and a voice that tells you that you have nothing to offer the world, the question does not seem temporary. When I became unable to imagine an escape from a job that made me feel worthless, a chronic illness that put me in pain and left me in isolation, a blanket of guilt I could not shake, and a global tragedy with no end in sight, I took my own emergency exit. It was like jumping out of the window of a burning building on the 32 floor. I believed I would die either way, but the fall to the ground would require less suffering.

I was lucky enough to be caught on the way down - but I didn't feel lucky. They wanted to put me back in the building, and now the fire was hotter and had consumed my furniture.

I woke up in a very poorly run psych ward. So poorly run, my husband did not know where I had been taken for 18 hours after he called 911. I was given a roommate who was way too much like my mother, and I slowly became manic without the knowledge of the staff. They discharged me a few days before Christmas.

I had been hypomanic before, but I never had a word for it. When I was crying at the sunset that night and feeling so energetic and happy (and telling the funniest jokes I had ever told, from my skewed perspective), I just thought I was happy to be alive. But I didn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. My pressured speech and grandiose ideas scared my husband and I ended up in psych ward #2 (a much nicer one). I had to spend one night in the ER screaming and hallucinating, believing my heart would give out before I'd fall asleep, before I got there, though.

They called it "manic psychosis." I called it "the darkest timeline."

On Christmas eve, I was given the gift of a new diagnosis: bipolar disorder. I was too unstable to know what that meant or to conceptualize that the burning building was crumbling in some parts.

On the day I was discharged, I slept very little and was extremely lethargic. I had trouble moving and my assigned counselor had to prop me up to help me to his office. I don't know why they discharged me when I had to be taken downstairs in a wheelchair, but they did.

I was in urgent care not 24 hours later when I could no longer walk or sit up, and I even had trouble speaking. A nice EMT, who I remember had a name that included two US presidents, though I don't recall which, took me to my third hospital in two weeks. By time I made it to my room, I had trouble swallowing and was put on a liquid diet.

It is hard to say what the worst part of this terrifying saga was. However, laying in that hospital bed with no ability to regulate my body temperature, stuck awake and unable to move with relentless, restless, manic energy, without so much as the relief of distraction from the picture on the tiny hospital TV because I didn't have my glasses, was excruciating in ways I still have trouble coming to terms with. I watched a lot of basketball, I think, by the squeaky sounds of the shoes.

After being assaulted by a frustrated nurse on New Year's Eve, I laid in my hospital bed wishing for the release of sleep while hospital staff hooted and hollered distantly for the ball drop. 2021 had begun and I was in the darkest place I had ever been.

When I could eat by myself again and manageably push around a walker, I was discharged on a rainy January day. No one could say for sure why my strange, temporary paralysis happened. Could have been the benzos I had taken too many of. Could have been the adjustment to the Lithium that would chase away the mania. Most likely, it was the sloppy transition off of Effexor at the first psych ward.

I was finally back in my burning building. I was fired from my job as soon as I had the strength to hold a phone. I had to explain and apologize to friends and family who were stunned and afraid of my actions. And then January 6th happened. In a few days, I would have to start physical therapy and a Partial Hospitalization Program (group therapy school).

I looked at my disintegrating surroundings and thought they expect me to fight for this? Why? I wished I had been successful in my attempt but I had only succeeded in making my life harder.

I guess those who cheered me on could see the possibility of my happiness and success, but I had a lot of trouble catching a glimpse. I went to another psych ward at the beginning of 2022 and ended up in a residential care facility for Halloween and Thanksgiving that year. I had two different jobs, both I ended up quitting for treatment. I tried group therapy and different therapists. I switched medications countless times and even tried Ketamine therapy for a while. Up until April of 2023 (when I started EMDR) or so, it really all felt hopeless, but for some reason, I fought for the unknowable just beyond the horizon. I kept asking for help.

And now I am here, and I can't believe all of this almost didn't happen.

I look around my office and see pieces of art I would have never created. I would have missed concerts and weddings and road trips. There is so much music I would have never listened to! I would have never rediscovered my childhood passions and learned how to be myself. I would never have met some very important people in my life.

It almost never happened, but I was given a second chance.

I have so many feelings right now, some good, some bad. I am excited. I am anxious. I wonder if I can handle the challenge and I fear my bragging or arrogance. But the biggest feeling is my desire to go back in time and hold a version of myself that couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and kept walking anyway.

Now we get to chase our dreams, and teach other people to hold on like you did.

[burtonbabygirlguster]

a collection of funny things that should have been in Supernatural because i said so;

At least three episodes of all the hunters that have the whole system with Sam at the bunker but it’s like a police show comedy [i’ve only seen like three total episodes of Brooklyn 99 and four seasons of Psych but i think it’d be great]

Dean gets to follow his dream (like what Michael trapped him in) and take after Ellen and the roadhouse, whether it be by using that giant ass bunker as a bar or he just buys one, or even builds one [with magic or his hands]

Hunter doctors- like official, legal doctors. basically so that way if anything possibly supernatural is going on- you can see a doctor who knows about that type of stuff and can hopefully help it [like a witches curse, or how Bobby Dean and Sam had the carvings on their ribs] and they don’t make you pay if your a hunter for obvious hunters-don’t-get-payed-reasons

and obviously garth and some other people starts a whole monster healing underground medical aid/er (also probably at the bunker or smth)

a section of the bunker turns into this child-teen room where anybody under like 20 goes and can stay permanently. so like if a parent was killed on a hunt, they show up and are taken care of, they can learn more stuff, practice, and maybe have a shot at a semi-normal, at least no hunting, life [Jody and Donna help out there a lot]

there’s also adult rooms, obviously, same gig

game night at the Dean-Cave, lots of tournaments and anger

movie nights [for any hunter that wants to come] with a huge projector screen that they bring out to the main area with the stairs and whatnot, they’ll move tables, build a whole ass fort and watch shit

jack defeats god but instead of him disappearing it’s a complex jack-sorta-splits-in-two thing where his current conscious still runs things as ‘god’ but the ‘other half’ is essentially him but physically and mentally a four year old (like completely- not what Jack had before as a mix of 4 years old and 20 years old, just pure 4 year old) and it’s pure chaos

dean tries to redo everything with Jack (because he was a dick majority of the time) and obviously Cas and Sam were alrwady Dad Material TM

Dean, Sam, Castiel, Jody, Donna, Eileen, Charlie [both worlds because she didn’t die in my mind] Kevin [also not dead] and some others will hold classes for different things

Dean: Cooking (and lots of fighting) Occasionally does cool ‘home-made’ things, like his EMF that was made out of a Walkman, stuff like that. Teaches Latin and the different warding stuff

Sam: Healthy balance in life- both mentally and food wise. Also teaches lore and how to defend yourself, but mainly tries to get people to know how to lead a normal life, to enjoy things. Also teachers Latin [and backwards exorcisms if you need the demon]

Castiel: Lots of fighting techniques, but he also does a lot of history [not hunter-history, just like. normal history, but parts that have never been recorded since he’s seen a looooot] Teaches about free will and choosing your own path- not one that you were raised into or something of the sort [like hunting] he’s one of those teachers who get way off topic and he starts talking about Dean and everything [the ‘students’ place bets on when he’ll confess]

Jody & Donna + The Kids: [Jody & Donna] Teach how to stay out of trouble, fighting methods, but mainly how to lead a good, death-less life and be happy. they also teach you about police-loopholes and such so if they do stick with hunting they don’t get thrown in jail and such. Teaches healing and first aid. [The Kids] teach, again, fighting techniques, tracking stuff, running away from stuff, lots of medical stuff, Patience and Kaia teach others how to control their ability’s [with Gabriel]

Eileen: Teaches ASL and teaches how to use your other senses if you couldn’t use one [or technically how to sorta focus and zone in on the other senses] Also lots of lore and fighting techniques.

Charlie: Teacher how to hack into ‘un-hackable’ things, create fake credit or debit cards, fake IDs, etc. She holds role play and games like DnD all the time

Kevin: Teaches confidence and such, how to not let people take advantage of you [cough cough Dean was not so nice to him whilst translating] How to stand up for yourself and not be a doormat. Also teaches school stuff if anybody was interested

Rowena: Witchcraft, obviously. She does a lot of the warding stuff than the others because she knows a lot more about everything. Occasionally teaches how to seduce your way into information (or magic

Gabriel: How to trick people and such into getting them to do what you want them to. Probably some tips on going underground/undercover. If a kid has powers he helps them entirely

[pattonsfam-ily]

//ooc again but sorry can I just get like ,, a rundown on the characters + some basic plot points here ? this au seems so cool but I don't know where 2 start. also sorry for spam liking ur posts they r so silly I love them:)

don’t worry i don’t mind spam likes! anyway im not really sure how old anyone is at this point bc i took like a year+ break thinking i was done with all of it and i just can’t remember shit like that lmao they’re all like mid 20s but hey i remember the age differences & heights at least so i’ll say those ig (trigger warning for heavy topics like mental shit substance abuse unaliving/self harm & abuse) buckle in this is gonna be long af

so Logan Roman Virgil and Patton met in middle school. Lo Ro and V started dating shortly after Lo left his ab*sive ex boyfriend in high school. and Patton has always been a father figure to Virgil. when they graduated high school they all moved in together and Patton adopted Virgil despite their very small age difference (like 3 years i think). then a few years later Virgil’s older brother (by 4 years) Devin moved in with them and eventually Patton moved into his own place. Remus came back into Roman’s life at one point and stayed with them for a while but now he’s living with/dating Janus & Remy.

character descriptions:

Logan is the oldest in the LRV throuple. white. 5’10. gay/aroace spec. cis man. he/him. he went to college to become a teacher and was a substitute for a while. now he’s working at a science center and giving classes to toddlers/kids. he’s autistic and has a really rocky toxic relationship with his parents. they don’t approve of his relationship or his career choice (they wanted him to go to medical school like they did)

Roman is the second oldest. white. 5’10. bisexual. cis man. he/him. he got a drama/theater arts degree. he works at the local theater and acts in the plays they put on every now and then. he’s a recovering alcoholic with anger issues that lost his cousin/best friend to s*icide in high school. he has a great relationship with his parents. they’re really kind and completely accepting of him. he and his twin Remus have a younger sister named Reagan. i think she’s like 9 or 10 now?

Virgil is the youngest of the entire friend group/family. white. 5’4. gay/aroace spec. amab demiboy. he/they. he has some vague dysphoria/discomfort so he got mtf bottom surgery a little while ago. he tried to get a degree in art and child psychology i think?? he wanted to be an art therapist but he dropped out and now he’s a streamer/youtuber. he’s also autistic, diabetic, has ptsd, anxiety, depression, shitty immune system thats actually getting better with treatment, and he’s recovering from an ed. he has a great relationship with his mom & her gf and used to have a good one with his father but he was mostly an abusive asshole that went to prison and later killed himself bc he couldn’t handle all the guilt

Patton is older than those 3 but younger than Devin. white. 6’0. aroace spec. cis man. he/him. he was taken away from his shit parents & put into foster care at a really young age and eventually aged out of the system. he was never adopted. he got into lots of trouble throughout his life but some of what was discussed on here isn’t fully canon anymore. but anyway he got a degree for childcare management and opened his own daycare but eventually he sold it and now runs his own small crochet business.

Remus. same age as Roman obviously. white. 6’0. gay. cis man. he/him (but his pronouns might change). he didn’t go to college. he just makes tik toks showing off his oddities collections. he’s also an alcoholic & drug addict (he mostly just does hallucinogens now) with pica/eating issues and intrusive thoughts & extreme self harm tendencies so he’s been in and out of rehabs & psych wards his whole life. rocky relationship with his parents despite their support and used to have a rocky relationship with Roman but they’re mostly okay now. absolutely adores Reagan. will actually kill a man and/or die for his family.

Remy. little younger than Devin. white. 5’10 i think. gay. genderfluid. he/him. i cannot remember what degree(s) he has but doesn’t really matter now bc he’s a stripper by night barista by day lmao he probably also has an onlyfans but we haven’t talked about that lmao he’s a sort of recovering drug addict with suicidal tendencies & religious trauma. he also never takes his sunglasses off. they’re a security blanket/comfort item and they cover a scar his ex boyfriend gave him. his relationship with his family is awful. his parents abused him his whole life and his older sister holds it against him and treats him like shit now but she’s mostly been cut off.

Janus/Dee. year younger than Remy. korean/navajo. 5’7/5’8 idk. trans man. he/him. he’s taking testosterone & got top surgery but never got bottom surgery and never will. he went to college twice. first time for graphic design. second time was law school. he got a master of legal studies degree bc he doesn’t wanna be a lawyer. he just wanted to learn about the law. he’s a compulsive/chronic liar and very deceitful but mostly in a silly way. not 100% sure what his family life is like tbh but his relationship with his mom is strained in some way. but yeah his first languages are korean and diné. he learned english in high school.

now for my 2 main ocs:

Devin. oldest of everyone. white. 6’1. pan/aroace spec. cis man. he/him. he got a degree in computer science. he does a lot of different coding projects and once had a pc building business. but now he’s a streamer and in a band called DeCode with my other oc. he’s a recovering drug addict and has psychosis. he was married to Thomas but they got divorced a little while ago lol also has a great relationship with his mom/her gf and of course hates his father for the way he treated Virgil. he’s very protective of his baby (brother). he has and will fuck up anyone that hurts him.

Coda. a year older than Lo & Ro im pretty sure. black. 6’0. gay. cis man. he/him. he’s Virgil’s boyfriend outside his relationship with Lo and Ro but he’s completely monogamous. he got a degree in photography and art. he’s a tattoo artist & streamer and the other person in the band DeCode. (he met Devin Remy & Janus in college so thats how he met Virge). his birth parents kicked him out when he was 13 for being gay and was later adopted by two moms. he now has 3 siblings. two younger twins named Cole & Nevaeh and an older brother named Mason.

other random plot points i remember: Remy’s attempted suicide, Remy got Janus pregnant so he had an abortion around the time Remus joined the relationship, Coda got shot during an armed robbery at his tattoo shop, both Patton & Coda got back in contact with their birth parents for a short while, Virgil’s been abused both by a p•do and an ex boyfriend he had like 3 years ago.

other background ocs you’ll probably learn more about as they’re mentioned: Dante, Maeve (Devin’s girlfriend she/they), Jimmy & Noah (Coda’s best friends/coworkers), Ryan, Ximena, Aaliyah, Morgan (ngl tho he’s never been brought up again since the first time), and all the parents (pretty sure thats everyone?)

yeah thats a lot lmao lemme know if you need anything explained further/clarified or have any other questions!!

[aspd-culture]

I really don't want to being this up with my therapist so I kinda wanted to vent here and ask you if this sounds like aspd.

Kinda a disclaimer I have Aspergers, ADHD and depression diagnosed as well as trauma from being hospitalised (psych ward) quite young also big ass trigger warning

The thing is I relate heavily to all if the symptoms like I can place them personally onto myself and things I do.

I've been a serial liar since I was child, ppl irl even now don't ken the the real me I've spun a web of lies ab myself, nothing of great grandeur, just to cover up the tracks of things I don't want ppl to know as well as I enjoy lying frankly

I have low empathy, i always kinda have done. I've never really felt that pain I just can't muster the energy to give a fuck, I really don't fucking care, like that's a you problem it doesn't concern me nor does it threaten me so I don't care.

I've never felt remorse for my actions I feel like if I harm someone, lie, or manipulate them they kinda deserve it and ik that they probably didn't but they hurt me or they hurt my image or my reputation so they have to pay, they have to know that I have that power over them.

I often get violent urges and thoughts, most of the time in the form of a day dream if sorts. TW but I really wanna beat someone into a pulp esp if they thought I was weak or they doubted me/angered me. I often ponder the question to myself that if I did kill or harm someone like that would I feel something or would I get a similar feeling to when I fantasize ab it, would it scar me for life? Would I realise I was wrong? I mostly do this to try ground myself as I've gotten in some rlly nasty fights before because it ended up being all I could think about.

I've broken the law many times either through selling, buying or doing drugs. Shoplifting and pickpocketing (haven't been caught yet ab any of these ones) as well as multiple charges of assault.

I lie to people I consider my friends about caring ab their problems or opinions and I can't keep friends for particularly long unless their drug buddies

However I think I can feel love in a romantic/sexual sense but I think most of my past relationships have been nothing but obsession mixed with the fact I like having someone who cares that much ab me and I like having a lot of sex. Like I need you to be mines, if they even mention they find another person attractive then i just want to fucking maim someone. You can only be mines until I get bored of you. Then as soon as I get bored all feelings towards them cease and I gotta fake that I'm upset.

I do a lot of things that are considered "morally bankrupt" according to my therapist but I always feel like I'm not a bad person, I just can't let people know I do bad person things.

Sorry for the vent

Alrighty gotta start this off with a real quick boundary about a term you used. Please do not use the term Asperger's when talking to me (ideally, not at all). It is a literal N*zi's name. I also hate the aspie supremacy aspect of it, but honestly that's not my main issue with it, my main issue is that term literally means "not disabled enough by their autism to be gassed so let's give them to our freakshow n*zi doctor so he can experiment on them until they die that way". Thanks. /nmay just frustrated by the use of the term. I know not everyone knows.

That said, I am still ok with answering the rest of the ask for you. I cannot diagnose you, and anything I say here is really just info I'd advise you to take to your therapist, not a way of avoiding talking to them about it.

One major part of ASPD that you didn't mention at all in your ask is disregard for safety/wellbeing of yourself; you just mentioned others. PwASPD not only have trouble avoiding putting others in danger, but themselves too. We tend to get ourselves into situations we can't easily get out of, start fights we know we can't win or haven't considered if we could win, etc.

Another big thing that I noticed in your ask is an egocentric way of thinking and speaking that is not super common in ASPD. Arrogance is an associated trait, but usually people I've talked to with ASPD have a more complicated relationship with the justification for the things they do (justifying to yourself to avoid responsibility is actually a symptom of ASPD) as well as with their self-esteem. That said, many of the symptoms you're talked about here definitely do seem to match up with some of the criteria...

I wonder if it's possible you relate to the symptoms of either just NPD or both ASPD and NPD? I am by no means an expert in NPD and I don't know you particularly well but just answering basing off of the wording of your ask and such I would advise you do research into that as well as ASPD. They can be comorbid. In fact, because the way that cluster b disorders develop are all relatively similar (trauma and failure to develop a secure attachment style), it's somewhat common to have more than one of them.

I hope this helps.

[sincelastsession]

I am triggered.

I don't want to discuss fucking personality disorders in regards to me.

I had my bullshit blanket diagnosis of bpd and it RUINED my life. Robyn fucking Belle, the CVNT that just tried to contact me and my fucking father all conspired together and pushed me into going to goddamn regions.

AND GUESS WHAT JOSHUA. THEY FUCKED ME UP SO BAD ON MEDS AND RIPPED ME OFF MY XANAX COLD TURKEY FOR 2 WEEKS AND GAVE ME MEDS I DID NOT NEED AND SHOWED A FUCKING TED TALK ABOUT CHILD ABUSE....YOU DON'T SHOW THAT IN A PSYCH WARD SETTING ESP WHEN THERE'S A LEGIT DID PATIENT AND OTHER REGRESSED PEOPLE IN THE ROOM. THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT BY THE CRIMINALLY INSANE. THE NURSES AND DOCTOR THAT COMPLETELY MISSED THAT I DESPERATELY NEEDED HELP AND WAS SEIZING AND HAVING TROUBLE WALKING GOING INTO WAS A DYSTONIC REACTION THAT THE ER HAD TO DIAGNOSE

Fuck this.

Fuck.

DUDE THEY GAVE ME A MEDS I WASNT SUPPOSED TO HAVE AS THEY WERE ON MY "DONT GIVE" LIST

They threatened to hold me down to give me that shit.

They broke my fucking brain.

All because a dumb bitch, my father. And another dumb bitch crossed my boundaries OVER AND OVER TRYING TO TELL ME ABOUT HOW DR TODD WAS EVIL AND I WAS ON TOO MANY MEDS.

I was FINE. I was HAVING MY STSRT IN JUNE YEARLY BREAKDOWN THAT LASTS TILL MY BIRTHDAY THING. I TRIED TO FUCKING TELL THEM.

This happens every year. I DO NOT KNOW WHY.

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS SYMPTOMS OF A PERSONALITY DISORDER DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE FUCKING BPD.

Yes Dr. Todd said "you may have a personality disorder but everyone does"

You do too.

We all do to some degree.

But DO NOT TELL ME ABOUT LABELS AND THEN TOSS A LABEL AT ME

Fuck

Like REALLY?

Yes. I wasn't mad earlier but now I am.

I am mad because I can see exactly what's going on here and the little track we're on that sooooo many therapists have seen and gotten WRONG.

I can't just have the clusterfuck of issues and talk about them. Oh wait they're imaginary and made up according to my family and now you my therapist.

Everyone wants to diagnose me. I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS.

I am so SICK of this shit.

I would rather go out to the parking lot and have a screaming match than sit there and fucking fawn and mask.

Then there's no availability for an appointment.

Why take on a patient if you have no time to see them once a week?

Like you think I can't see you and I don't notice that you have your own issues you should work on before you make your cognitive distortions about me?

Because you're WRONG.

Everyone has been WRONG.

I have tried so fucking hard for over 25 goddamn years to be understood and still no one gets it.

And no I'm not stoned. I didn't smoke this evening.

Like I've been dissociative since I was a tiny child a toddler.

I used to put myself in autopilot and goddamn I wish I could harness that again but NO my issues just got worse because I'm apparently a target for SICK FUCKS

I literally don't think you even want me as a patient.

You're frustrated with me about something that I have 0 fucking control over my speech my speech my voice it's always fucking wrong everything about me is always so fucking wrong.

Mom and dad hate me my sister hates me And it shit I can't do anything about

The amount of resentment that my parents in my family in general hold for me is outrageous and I'm sorry that you didn't get to see the real version of my fucking family.

And yes I'm being a fucking bitch and yes I am reactive as hell. I'm aware I am so fucking aware as much as I can possibly be.

But no I do not see whatever else sees because they are only looking at surface level shit.

You know a long time ago pretty much any mental illness was considered schizophrenia

And they did studies and they've learned things about the brain and they're still doing that because the brain is a big mystery jello

I do not think diagnosis are bullshit

I mean dude yes they had to make them up because not everybody can be diagnosed as schizophrenic when they don't exhibit all of the symptoms of that

Why even have ADSM book and say that it's all made up and you don't like labels but you have the ability to diagnose people that doesn't make any fucking sense to me

And it's aggravating Joshua because I don't hate you at all I'm just pissed off. I don't understand why everybody has to pick at what's wrong with me.

I see a fucking psychiatrist. I saw one before him who was much better but unfortunately he is dead and I will never have him back.

I am screwed I am so fucked.

Because if we're going down the little path I think we're going down I'm going to exit.

Unfortunately all I can do is observe and find out if that's the pathway are going down and no I'm not going to elaborate because I need to find out for myself if this is a good fit.

And I don't think you know enough of me or about me.

I am more than happy to work on things and work on goals but you know some of the verbage you use towards me doesn't seem very fucking thought out it just seems like you're pulling things you learned in clinical studies and conferences and from past experiences of yours and you're trying to apply that to me like you're trying to apply it like a blanket

I don't fit under the blanket

That's what you need to understand

I am not like your other patients

I'm also very fucking triggered because you're reminding me of Robin. I'm not sure what it is exactly but it's triggering the shit out of me.

I don't like it. It's giving cope team at the ER.

I really don't think that there's anything wrong with me just completely having a fucking bitch festival on my fucking online journal.

You do understand that I'm still trying to trust you in general right?

That's one reason I am not ready to do the EMDR other than the fact that I need to move and do some other things first.

And yes I'm worried that you're going to read all of this and get pissed off and drop me as a client.

And that will basically fuck me over.

But you told me I could be mad and that you didn't care so here we are.

And you don't have a clue about my fucking mother and why I had that reaction.

She did that shit on purpose and you didn't see the smirk on her face. The classic narcissistic ass smirk that they get when they know that they are causing someone distress.

She loves to play tit-for-tat

Everybody in the fucking family can tell you about her bullshit because she has to be the victim in every scenario.

And honestly I'm still baffled about how my father acted like he never did anything wrong ever and acted like a normal human being and then you tell me it's safe for me to talk to him and he starts screaming at me in the fucking parking lot just completely switched his personality and flipped out at me and continues to do so and continues to beat me down and cut me down verbally every time I have a fucking phone call with him I feel like a goddamn burden because he wants to get off the phone and doesn't want to hear from me or talk to me or know anything about my life

So why in the fuck do these people say that they care but then they treat me like absolute goddamn garbage. Riddle me fucking that.

Because what happens is a cycle of using and a cycle of abusing.

And I'm not happy that I'm back in contact with everybody

I wish that I could just not talk to these people I wish I didn't care about them in order to do that

I do not fucking understand how people in general are so clueless and fucking rude and thoughtless and selfish And judgmental and they can't fucking practice what they preach. And when I tell them about themselves and I mirror them and they see themselves in me they don't fucking like it and they attack me

And I don't do it on purpose that's just something that happens when I talk to people sometimes

For instance somebody asked me a question the other day and they did not get the answer that they apparently wanted

So I got a full paragraph about how I'm a stupid fucking bitch.

I was only trying to be helpful.

So much for trying to be a good person because no good deed that I ever do goes fucking unpunished.

And no that's not a cognitive distortion I am fucking punished every single time I tried to do something nice for somebody or even myself.

And honestly if I could go back to my last EMDR therapist and continue to work with her or if I could go see the therapist that my friend in Lafayette sees I would but I can't afford that.

And maybe I'll calm down when we actually get to the EMDR

Because right now I'm really fucking tired of things being noticed about me as if I didn't fucking already know

I get irritated because I get bitched out about run on talking Or hyperverbal processing out loud

And I can't help that shit

If I could have helped that shit I would not be in fucking therapy anymore because I wouldn't be abused for that or maybe I would be in therapy because it would find something else wrong with me to fucking torture me about

It also sort of pisses me off that the things that I write down are just skimmed

And yes the journalist for me but you also have access to it so you can learn things from me and I don't think skimming is going to help you learn things from me as well as actually just you know reading what I have to say

But I'm a speed reader as well so I do understand to an extent but when you are a treating of impatient and they are writing very long things for you to read so you could understand them better because you have a very short time schedule block for them to talk to you in person it's really aggravating for the patient

And I'm sure it's really aggravating for you to have to read my very long journal or even trying to read it because yes it's unhinged

I'm doing this for my own well-being

I also don't understand why I see people who have worse problems than me get treated betterNot specifically by you but just in general I will be out in the general public and somebody will be like oh I have this sad bitch disorder and everybody's like oh no let's give you all the attention let's love on you let's just fucking suck your ass

And you know what it is you know what I figured out it fucking is it's always the skinny BPD girls that cut themselves and are covered with tattoos and have split dyed hair or whatever the fucking new trend is

It's people like my fucking sister

I mean honestly you do need to remember that I am autistic telling me that I'm not are saying that it might be something else is invalidating the fuck out of me

My psychiatrist and my PA absolutely know that I have autism.

I have gone undiagnosed my entire fucking life and Doctor Todd finally figured it out. And I got relief from knowing everybody was always on my ass bitching me out about why I was seeking that diagnosis because it makes all the sense in the goddamn world.

It does it mean that I don't have a personality disorder or some sort of disassociative disorder or I don't know just sad bitch disorder because I've been traumatized my whole life but I do have autism.

And I'm not ashamed of that's part of who I am and I don't appreciate when people come along and fucking invalidate me

I'm almost 38 years old and I was seeking answers and I'm still seeking answers because there are a lot of things going on with my health and they have always been going on with my health.

Why in the world would you fuss at me or bring up whatever the fuck you want to use term wise because apparently I can't ever use the right God damn words and people take things so God damn personally when I'm just trying to be direct and express myself

And it's hypocritical because everybody else fucking does this too whether they are neurodivergent or not.

And you know what it's so fucking funny to me that elystic people think that they don't have anything wrong with them and they don't have anything to work on and shit like that when it's just so obvious that they have so many complexes and so many little insecurities and issues and I can spot it a fucking mile away

Put fuck me for bringing up the past which I'm going to have to bring up an EMDR anyway

I'm not trying to live in my past I go over my past because there's important points to it which seem to be missed

I don't really know how to fucking communicate with therapists anymore.

The amount of trauma I have had from therapy and everything else medical in my life is insane

And I am mad and I do feel fucking threatened

And maybe I won't be mad tomorrow and maybe I'll get the fuck over it but right now I am pissed

I'm just tired of being seen as some sort of problem

Do you know what's that like I'm sure you do some extent

But have you been seen as a problem since you are diagnosed with health issues as a small child and you were no longer viewed as healthy baby

And your parents started to reset you right then and there and started the passive neglectful parenting and the helicopter bullshit which was pointless because why helicopters somebody and try to control every single thing they do and then abuse the fuck out of them and then ignore them and then be passive-aggressive towards them and then be dependent on them And use them and treat them like shit and then show up to my therapists office and fucking act like they're the most perfect wonderful parents on earth and then they do this little fucking song and dance every goddamn time and I warned you I told you they were gonna pull something but nobody listens to me

And nobody has to listen to me that's fine but you know if they took my advice they might be fucking better off

Ian you know what's driving me absolutely insane is because I know you from somewhere and I do not know where. It's not from therapy. It must be through someone I know because Baton Rouge is a small world. But yes it's driving me nuts I really wish I knew the connection.

It's also sort of uncomfortable because I'm sitting here going to the fuck does my therapist know that I know because I recognize them from outside of therapy and I don't know why

I still thank you should put a mirror up across from where you sit so you can see how you act when you talk to me like your body language and all that like you could look and notice you could get a shatterproof mirror that no one can hurt themselves with like those exist.

And yes Joshua yes I do self sabotage or at least that's what everybody tells me everybody loves to tell me what I'm doing but they don't actually know what I'm doing

Because people do not think to ask how I am feeling before they say things to me and make assumptions and other cognitive distortions about me

You know I never got to create me.

I was so grossly abused you have no fucking idea.

Because you don't know all of it I've only told you tiny tiny portion of it.

I don't even know if I'm going to be able to talk about all of it and process all of it when we do EMDR and I don't know if that's going to even help but I'm willing to try

But I'm so fucking angry

I mean don't you realize what happens to children when their psychosocial stages are fucked up because people abuse them during those stages

Other than the fucking pedophilia people

I remember being in a high chair and having someone shove it over and landing on the ground and hitting my head as a fucking baby

My dad got caught hitting me while he was trying to force feed me food I did not want as a small child and I don't remember that but my grandmother saw it and I believe her even though she's not here with us today

I don't even breathe correctly

And I'm not being dramatic or making some sort of metaphor with that I literally don't breathe correctly because I breathe shallow because of all the trauma I have had since I was a tiny child

I breathe quietly because I don't want to piss someone off by taking deep breaths

Did you know that if I make a huff noise because I'm holding my breath unconsciously that my parents flip out at me

I mean have you ever ridden around as a teenager smoking blunts in the back of a shitty car while your best friend's baby daddy and his best friand are selling crack

How many times have you had a gun pointed at you

How many times have you sat there and watched your best friend shoot up drugs and know that you can't do a fucking thing about it other than sit there and keep watch and smoke a joint because you don't want her to die but you can't sit there having a fucking panic attack so you might as well get stoned and fucking watch turn and make sure she doesn't die

And then she went and fucking died

She's dead and I can never have a best friend again that will ever feel the same

And if you think that I don't see all the stupid things that I have said and all the things that you probably want to point out you're wrong

I know I'm fucked up. Why do you think I've stayed in therapy for so long other than pure pressure from my parents just constant even though they won't seek help for their unresolved behavioral issues

It's really not fair nothing in my life has been fucking fair

And I'm watching my father die slowly and it's heartbreaking because he's so fucking abusive but he was also at times a decent father

The amount of mixed fucking emotions I have about that is immense

And then learning about how my mother is just a compulsive fucking liar and has hidden so much from me

And then having a sister that thinks I'm some sort of dumbass who constantly lies to me about everythingAnd who is having a complete fucking breakdown

She needs to go on a 72 hour hold so badly and if I ever hear Her say I Want To die again I Am going to call ems in it's going to piss off the entire family but guess what I'm So Sick of hearing it do you Know how many times She said it

She's been saying she wanted to die since fucking middle school

I do not care if she's only saying it out loud as an intrusive thought

Because that's bullshit when you say that that many times you're asking for help

And her brain is so adult from all the things that she's been doing that are not good for her chemically

I can't even fucking have a conversation with her without her starting some sort of weird argument and escalating it and it making 0 sense and giving her a reason to throw a fucking tantrum and take her anger out on me

And then when people confront her about things that they're worried about she just blows it off and pretends that it doesn't exist like complete fucking denial and lying straight to your face and all of that and then she will lash out at you if you don't fall for it

I've never seen someone so fucking insecure

You know I had to have her go stand in front of a mirror and tell herself nice things the last time she had a huge mental breakdown and wanted to die because her ex-boyfriend was sleeping and she called his phone over a 100 times frantic till I had to take her phone away from her and hand it to my mom so she could hold on to it until my sister calmed down

But how in the world did this happen well she was dropped off over at my apartment because my father her father could not fucking deal with her

And I thought that she was going to come over and hanging out with me I didn't know she was having a fucking breakdown

And then her best friend that she fucking neglects who is a wonderful kid came over and it was the girl's birthday and the girl brought cake that her grandmother made and my sister was having such a freak out that she refused to eat she refused to eat she refused to spend any time with her friend and was just in the bathroom smoking weed in my apartment over and over and over and over and over again frantically and calling all of her other friends that she doesn't even talk to anymore because they got tired of her shit

And I would love to tell her that they're not friends with her anymore because they could not stand her behavior and she bitch and bitched and bitched about when she had falling out with them because they flat out told her the truth and she didn't want to hear It

The truth is she is insecure and angry and hurting and she won't let anybody help her open up and release her emotions and feel her feelings she just builds up and explodes or she instigates shit so she can explode

It's literally the classic cry for help and I can't do fuck about it

I fucking warned everyone I told them that this was going to happen but they didn't believe me

I'm not trying to control people when I tell them what's up

I have a knowing

I always have.

And people don't like to hear about that because they don't believe in things like that and they think I'm crazy and that's fine I don't care

But sometimes I just fucking know things

The amount of things that I have predicted is like fucking unprecedented and I'm talking about like within my family and groups of friends and just life in general of mine

And I don't need anybody to tell me that it's not real and it's a trauma response in all of that crap because yes it's totally possible just like me having a personalities disorder it's just so totally possible but you know what I don't want that on my fucking chart

And I don't need anybody to tell me that it's not real and it's a trauma response in all of that crap because yes it's totally possible just like me having a personalities disorder it's just so totally possible but you know what I don't want that on my fucking chart I do not want it on my chart

Do not fucking put that on my chart

I will be happy to investigate it with you and work on it if I do have something going on because I said that therapy that I was curious to know about anything going on with me and I meant it

Am I happy about this subject fuck no it's a very source subject for very good reasons

I'm so fucking tired and I fucking hate it here

I just want to go somewhere for at least 2 fucking weeks and have a nice time and have 0 problems and get some goddamn rest

What's there's nowhere I can go and I can't fucking afford it

I don't even know if I can afford to put gas in my car to go figure out this fucking clusterfuck situation about why in the hell was my anxiety medicine not called in

I really really really do not want what to have to go to the fucking ER and get treated like I'm drug seeking because my Doctor won't fucking respond or talk to the pharmacy and refill my script

They never fucking refilled it from last visit I spoke to the pharmacist today he looked at the computer system

I thought did I was losing my fucking mind but no they are inept

So now I have another stupid thing to deal with and my psychiatrist is like paranoid that I'm going to have horrible problems using medical marijuana and taking my anxiety medicine that I've taken most of my life and I know more about than probably most doctors at this point

I mean Doctor Todd knew the man that developed the drug. He was very cool. He broke down all the information about that medication to me. He checked me every single month when I would go in to have an appointment

There was never an issue.

Now klonopin I can't have that. That makes me violent and an absolute monster. And I completely lose my memory when I take it which I don't anymore.

And value volume never did a fucking thing for me except make me have the opposite reaction and rage like I was on steroids and it was bad

I mean we have tried everything medically to get a hold on my anxiety and you know what we all go back to every single time after the Doctor tries to take me off the medication and put me on all these other things that they think are going to fix me

They put me right back on the xanax because you know why because it fucking works

It may not work super duper strong but I am on a lower dose than I should be on

And I decided that I'm not going to fight my psychiatrist about that I have told him that when I was on 4 mg a day to take as needed that I did just fine And I was a lot less stressed out and I didn't talk like I talk now

I mean did you ever think that I might just be a fucking nervous wreck with ADHD and autism and complex PTSD and OCD and those are just all combined causing me problems and I'm in 2 flare-ups of 2 of those conditions at the same time and I'm being abused and I have a fucking nightmare neighbor

No I don't really think it's the personality disorder right now

I mean I was told by an expert that I do not have your classic little personality disorder she told me and she was one of the head people at the PTSD facility 4 veterans up North She fucking told me that it was a trash diagnosis and I did not have that she told me that I had been misdiagnosed and I had complex PTSD from severe abuse

And then Doctor Todd confirmed that

Because I had never told him about any of the abuse and horrible things that happened to me because I was just going there and being treated for severe anxiety and panic disorder which I do have and it is hell I can't even fucking sleep unless I take my medicine

Even if I do take my medicine I still have problems sleeping

Imagine there's little dreams you have right before you fall on just deep sleep where your whole body jumps because it feels like you're falling right

Well imagine that happening over and over and over and over again and being awake for 4 days straight until you flip out and your mother has to take you to the fucking hospital so they can diagnose you with something and solve your problem and then your dad finally agrees to send you back to your psychiatrist and pay for the appointment that you can't afford because you're paying him money for living at your friend's house

You know it's not like I didn't give my dad rent money or money in general throughout my life

Everybody thinks that I'm just trying to be dependent on my parents for money or trying to use them for money and I really don't fucking care about money that much other than we need it to survive

They literally get paranoid that I have some sort of ulterior motive

I get treated like a supervillain

I get treated like fucking dog shit on someone shoe

So of course I'm reactive of course I'm reactive abusive yeah I probably have a million things wrong with me you're probably right about everything let's just make all the therapists right let's just diagnose me with everything how about that

You know the darkness is I do have I am not trying to make excuses when I say oh that's probably what's causing this issue

That doesn't mean that I don't think that the issue can be helped

No some of it I really do not see the end of the rainbow with that

But some of it yes I can see that it can be helped

And nobody seems to think about the possible neurological things going on that aren't the other diagnosis

Like I've said I never wento a narrow psych and got evaluated because I can't fucking find one that takes medicaid that will treat me like a fucking Human instead of some sort of oddity

My entire life I was paraded in front of doctors till I got older and put a stop to that because I had a rare disorder and everybody wanted to see it and learn about it and touch me and look at my skin and then they put me on fucking steroids which made me fat and screwed up my thyroid and screwed up my growth and fucking triggered other problems and I don't even have hands that are normal sized for my frame

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 07x17 The Born-Again Identity

“It’s like a buttercup for your butthole - the fudge pop” “Were they trying to get themselves canceled with all these dick jokes?” “Is this about magicians? That guy looks like he’s from Vegas” “I’ve been there. It’s rough” “Maybe the drugs aren’t illegal” laughter “what the fuck” “I used to hate Lucifer so much, but he’s growing on me” “Oh yeah” “like 12 days. Oh close enough” “what the fuck” then laughter

“A locked floor? Does that exist?” “What’s up with the psych wards always being shitholes?” “Imagine trying to eavesdrop on this conversation as a doctor. Dean’d get locked up too” “ice summit beer” “I think they were talking about coors light. The mountains are blue so you know it’s cold’ “She likes a man who can swallow” “Why would he want to kill Sam, though?” “Or is he just trying to get him to say yes or something?” “I don’t know what’s going on” “Goddammit. I’m eating cheese over here” “oh hello” “All red heads in psych wards are trouble” “wouldn’t that be what’s weird about him?” “Way to scare the hottest chick in the psych ward off, Sam” “grippy socks vacation” “He should have seen that coming” ASS

“Oh my” “The fuck is going on? We haven’t seen him in like a year” “Hello. I’m the blue-eyed devil” “hmmm” “I don’t think my eyes are even that blue” “yeah little susie” laughter

“This is fkn awesome” “I feel like I was way more annoyed with Lucifer the first time around” “You do get sick of Lucifer after a while” “Why is he lighting firecrackers? Why not use the little popping things” “I feel like they wanted the one thing but had the other thing and just went with it” “I’m super confused” “Cas is dead? Did they reuse Misha?” “what the fuck” “oh sure. That’s where I go to find naked men” “Does anybody feel like a bad person?” “That’s what they all say” She’s got really pretty hair for being in the psych ward

“I’m waiting for her to show off those knee-high grippy socks” “kinda fucked” “Does Dean not recognize Cas?” “This dude”

Dude, Dean recognizes Cas, but Cas doesn’t recognize Dean

“I’m starting to get that from his eyes”

“Shot for Cassiano” “Pucker up buttercup” “He told Cas to sit tight so the angel is the buttercup. Dean is the fudge pop” “Don’t get cocky. That’s how you lose your knife” “What’s the big reveal here?” “Her voice is so cool” “kay” “Don’t yank too hard. You might stab yourself” “Oh he’s not gone” “She’s a different flavor” “Do we ever see what Cas sees?” “These are some rubber boat shoes dude” “She must be wearing some shit of her brother’s? Isn’t it a bracelet?” “This is really funny for 2 psych ward patients to talk about this. Like trust me, It’s a ghost” 🎶weed smoking psych ward🎶

Laughter

Laughter “he’s just like that in real life, too” “being locked up does that to people” “This is some real psych ward shit right there” laughter

“You with me bro?” “He’s five/six days in now? He’s not with anybody” “That’s about how far you get without starting to see that rats and shadow things” “Fkn public school man” “double dipping fudge pop” laughter

“That was a good line. I didn’t pick up on that” “Is the tree topper actually a top?” Dean kept Cas’s coat in every car they switched

“Oopsie” “I mean if it’s dusty, you can whip it out and make a sandstorm. Then you can watch Lucifer dance in a sandstorm” “that’s cool lookin’” “Is he choking down Lucifer or something?” laughter “what the hell” “not really” “what”

[ladyofwinterfellxx]

Dating Lisa Rowe Headcanons

Word count: 1k

Request: Yes | No

Film name: Girl, Interrupted

Pairings: Lisa Rowe x Fem!reader

Genre: Fluff, angst, smut mention

Warnings: Psyche ward, Reader is mentally unwell, Mentions of self harm, Smoking, yk- Girl, Interrupted type stuff.

Synopsis: what its like dating Lisa Rowe

Request navigation

Authors note: I’ve gotten really into “Girl, interrupted” lately, and I really like Lisa, so I thought I’d write for her because I relate to her a bit. Hope you like it :) Since Lisa is in the women’s ward the reader is depicted as female. (Just to make it easier Susanna and Lisa never kissed or anything) sorry if this is ooc or anything, i'll get better at writing her as i watch the movie more.

When you first came into the ward, you intrigued her. You weren't kicking and yelling like others usually did. You were quiet, and calm. She watched you carefully as Vallery showed you around the floor, observing your behavior and how you carried yourself.

As you roamed and hung around the ward, she’d come and tease and pester you quite often.

She would take a liking to you quite quickly, but it would take a lot for her to trust you completely, especially if you came after Susanna left.

If you came when Susanna did, She’d bring you along with her and Susan.

You’d probably have to be the one to make romantic advances, to be honest. Yes, she knows she likes you, but getting her to admit her feelings is like talking to a brick wall.

When you did confess, she’d tease you endlessly. but she’d accept your feelings and you’d start dating.

“Aww, you couldn't help falling for little ol’ me huh?”

“Lisa you literally like me too-”

She may act like a tough guy constantly but she softens up when you are alone together.

She’d call you sweetpea or doll face, maybe Hunny or darling once in a while.

She’s definitely the big spoon when you cuddle, but will little spoon once in a while if she’s having a bad day.

Painting each other's nails ofc

Getting her to open up is a tough job, but she’ll cave after a lot of convincing.

She’ll eventually open up about Jennie, and tell you how she misses her.

Comforting her when they give her shocks. Plz hold her after it really effects her.

Trying to keep her out of trouble

getting used to her sneaking up on you constantly, and her teasing you when you jump.

Speaking of teasing, this girl LOVES to tease and pick at you. All in good fun, of course, it's her love language.

she likes PDA depending on her mood, If she’s not having a good day she’s not as touchy, but when she’d in a good mood she’ll likely always have an arm around you or a hand on your thigh. PDA is a whole other story when she's jealous, though.

She’s very possessive, and makes sure everyone knows your hers. that being said, she doesn't exactly get jealous often.

She knows your hers, and Everyone knows not to mess with Lisa, let alone her girl.

When she does get jealous, she’s all over you. Maybe John’s standing a little too close to you or someone has had your attention away from her for a bit too long for her liking, she’ll either

A) Come up behind you, wrap her arms around your waist and start kissing your neck

B) Straight up pick you up bridal style and walk-off

or C) cause a scene to get your attention

Like most things, it depends on what mood she’s in and what the situation is.

(Smutty stuff below)

(ngl if she chooses to walk off with you 9 times /10 she’ll get you alone and roughly finger you to remind you who you belong to-)

^ I mean she almost always ends up doing that anyway but yk-

Speaking of that-

100% the dom in bed, she loves having control over you and your pleasure (or pain-)

3 words. Rough, fast, and messy.

You two don’t get very long to yourselves, so things almost always have to be quick.

But when you two do get alone time, she’ll take her time and really draw out yours and her pleasure.

(End of smutty stuff)

She’d take you with her when Her and Susanna run away.

She’ll do pretty much anything you ask her. Ned to see your file? she’ll get it for you. want a certain nail polish color? its sitting on your nightstand waiting for you. Want a certain book or something? she’ll get Vallery or one of the other nurses to get it for you.

Dates are pretty rare, but she’ll sometimes manage to convince Vallery or someone to let the two of you go off grounds to the ice cream shop or to go on a walk.

her letting you cut her hair for her

almost always sleeping with each other, either you in her room or you in hers.

she’s not very cuddly, but she will when she’d in the mood for it or when you two are sleeping. She like to either spoon you or one of you laying on the other's chest.

almost always getting dragged into her crazy antics

sharing cigarettes together

her being quick to defend you from anything and anyone

If you came before she ran away, your definitely gonna be friends with Jennie.

Knowing everything that's happening on that floor comes with dating Lisa, she knows everything about everybody and often gossips to you when she hears something.

You trying to get Lisa to ease up on Daisy

almost always sharing clothes

If your shorter than her she’ll tease you, calling you munchkin or shortcake.

if your taller than her? she’ll ask things like “how's the weather up there?” or little things like that to annoy you.

^ sometimes you catch her standing on her tiptoes to seem taller,

She’ll throw hands with anyone who tries anything to hurt you. Oh? this person said something about your illness? oops, their nose is broken now. So and so made you uncomfortable? she’ll make their life hell.

She lowkey likes when you play with her hair, brushing it, braiding it, or just twirling it in your fingers. she loves it.

This girl LOVES praise, she may not act like it but complimenting her always makes her melt. plz tell her how pretty she is, how much you love her and how proud of her you are, bb girl deserves it.

Playing cards together surprisingly often

Even though she may not seem like it, she’s a very good listener. If you need to rant, or just wanna ramble about something she’ll listen, giving you her full attention.

She’s good at remembering things, whether its a random childhood memory or something silly, she remembers everything you tell her.

She gets very interested in your hobbies. if your musical, maybe you play guitar or something, she’ll listen and watch you play. she’ll definitely want you to teach her. If your artsy she’ll watch you paint or draw very intently, occasionally doodling with you. If you write she’ll read anything you write, whether its a poem or a story, she’ll read it and tell you what she likes. she’s surprisingly good at constructive criticism, so if you want feedback she’ll give it to you.

^ if you give her any artwork or poems she’ll hang every one up in her room.

If your more on the anxious side, she’ll do the talking for you. Need something from a nurse? she’ll ask for you. Feel uncomfortable getting food from the cafeteria? she’ll get it for you. feel uncomfortable bathing? she’ll come in with you.

overall a protective and pretty good girlfriend

[nanowrimo]

Opposition Research: Where to Get the Best Info for Your Novel

Now that you’ve written the first draft of your novel, you may find that you need to do some extra research to fill in those plot holes and polish up your story. Today, author Jodi Compton is here to shine some light on researching elements of your story between drafts:

I’m a crime and mystery novelist. It’s a genre which requires a good deal of research—a daunting task many Wrimos will be tackling for the first time in December and beyond. Many of us research between drafts, writing the first version straight through as a ‘proof of concept’ rough draft. Writing “[research tk]” at strategic points in a first draft can be an essential part of getting to 50K.

For that reason, I want to share a secret I’ve learned about good research. At first, I’ll be using crime fiction as my example, but the lesson is applicable to all genres, which I’ll address. (Hang tight, you hordes of fantasy writers!)

When I first began writing crime fiction, I did what most mystery novelists do. I read books on investigative work and forensics. I watched documentaries on the same subjects, including Dateline and Forensic Files and Women and the Badge. Later, when I had very specific questions, I found sources in the law-enforcement world and asked directly. 

The upshot of all the books, documentaries, magazine articles and interviews tended to be this: There’s always forensic evidence. It’s always correctly gathered. The DNA test is always right. The polygraph is always reliable. And everybody involved—the police and prosecutors—almost always do the right thing. 

This past year has—to put it mildly—called those assumptions into question. But that’s the subject of another article. However, long before this troubling year, I’d noticed something interesting. Crime-fiction writers like myself are always trying to write a story about the exceptions—the locked-room story, the extremely clever criminal who almost gets away with a murder or a heist, or a story in which the most unlikely person imaginable is actually the killer.  

So why are we always looking at sources in which the most likely suspect is, in fact, the murderer, in which standard operating procedure gets the investigative job done, there’s always DNA at the scene, and the polygraph tells you exactly who did it?

Because, mystery writers might argue, there’s no source for stories about cases where things went sideways. Nobody writes about those, and no source on the inside wants to talk about them. 

That seems true, at first. Ask me how I know: My first novel, The 37th Hour, deals with an FBI agent-in-training who does a Very Bad Thing just before his term at Quantico starts. To flesh this out, I spoke to a public information officer at the FBI—who dismissed my concept out of hand. That really wouldn’t happen, she told me. Our psychological screening would catch someone like that. 

It didn’t seem very productive to say, Like your psych screening caught Robert Hanssen? So I didn’t. (Plus, I didn’t think of it until hours later). 

It was only later in my writing career that I learned that there are people who talk and write about how the criminal-investigation process runs off the rails: They’re called defense attorneys. Behind them, and fighting a larger battle, are the ACLU and the Innocence Project—lawyers, law students and investigators who uncover false convictions. These convictions can be those due to mishandled DNA, inconclusive polygraph results interpreted as guilt, false confessions made by exhausted, hungry and confused people in interrogation rooms, or naive, easily-swayed juries. 

You have to get off the beaten path to find these stories, told in smaller-circulation magazines or blogs or documentaries. The “Dateline Saturday Night Mystery” has been immensely popular for years. No network is going to air the “ACLU Saturday Night Miscarriage of Justice” any time soon. But the latter, I think, would be as fascinating as the former. And, for the novelist looking for ways to complicate a straightforward crime, very profitable. 

Okay, you say. That’s fine for crime writers, but the most popular genre in National Novel Writing Month is fantasy. How do we fit into this situation?

I hear you. Fantasy is to NaNoWriMo what Thin Mints are to Girl Scout Cookies. So let’s say you’re writing a story in which characters have supernatural powers. This is where—though science is considered the opposite of magic—an understanding of physics, biology, chemistry and more could add great verisimilitude to your novel.

A study of magicians and their tricks can be useful as well. Many magicians are diehard skeptics about the paranormal—James Randi, of course, being the most famous example. But they also know a lot about physics: For example, the manipulation of light and how it affects what people see, or think they see. Might your genuinely-magical character manipulate light to create glamours or illusions?

‘Opposition research’ will be of varying use to writers in varying genres, but I’d argue that there’s almost always something to be gained in doing it. Conflict is the engine of virtually every story. Whenever you look at ‘maps’ or ‘graphs’ of a novel’s plot, you’ll see points labeled ‘conflict 1’ or ‘first setback.’ Understanding what opponents or devil’s advocates have to say about your protagonist’s quest will be of great help in creating conflict or setbacks in that journey. 

Jodi Compton is the author of four crime novels, starting with The 37th Hour, about Minneapolis detective Sarah Pribek. Her fifth book, Redball, will be released by Amazon early in 2021. She is an eight-time National Novel Writing Month participant.

Top photo by Russ Ward on Unsplash.

[movieexpert1978]

Just Listen

link      

I wrote this story a while back and I finally got around to typing it. This is based off of Alfred’s character in Monday Mornings. I’ve never seen the show, but I plan to some day. I got inspired by a post that I put in the link about. 

credit to the post goes to @illiana-mystery​    

This scene really hit home for me and helped me write this story as a little venting. TW suicide attempt, self harm, issues with mental health, swearing, 

The drive to the hospital was a bit of a blur. She hears people talking about all sorts of things. She thinks someone tells her to stay awake, but she doesn’t want to listen. She feels tired and her stomach is bothering her. There’s a lot of pain in her arm as well. She feels her body being wheeled around inside. She thinks people are asking for her name. she mumbles when someone flashes a light in her eyes. She hears more talking and something is put over her face. She thinks she feels something pinching her before she passes out.

Xxxxxxx

When she wakes up again everything is sore. Her stomach hurts and her throat feels so dry. She sits up only to yelp in pain from her arm. She looks to see the stitches are bandaged carefully. She goes quiet as she last back down wanting to curl up and disappear. When a nurse comes in she answers her questions and gets her blood drawn.

“Do you have anyone that you want us to call?” She asks.

“No, thank you.” The nurse nods quietly and leaves. She stares out the window for a while. She doses in and out of sleep as a nurse comes in to check on her. When a doctor comes in finally, she’s already got a good impression of him. He does an introduction before he sits down and starts to ask question.

“What made you want to attempt suicide?”

“I’m not sure…it’s complicated.”

“Trouble with the family or a significant other?”

“No, I live alone.”

“Any pets?”

“No, I wanted a dog but I haven’t gotten around to it.”

“Are you taking any medications?”

“Just birth-control.”

“No anti-depressants?”

“No, I haven’t had them since I was about eighteen I think.”

“You’re…thirty now,” he comments looking at his notes. “Do you work?”

“Yeah, full time in a factory and this summer part time at a park.”

“You sound like you have it made,” the doctor shrugs.

“I still feel like I don’t. I feel random shots of pain through my body. I have horrible thoughts at night when I lay in bed. I just feel like I’m going through the motions of life half the time,” she explains.

“Well thirty is a significant point in life. You could go see a therapist. We’ll set you up with one before you leave. You’ll be going up to they psych ward for observation,” the doctor says. He tucks his pen away and leaves without another word, making her frown.

“Thanks for the talk,” she huffs. She picks away at her food, not really eating much except for the Jell-o. She’s only allowed water for the moment too.

“Am I going to see the doctor again?” She asks when the nurse comes back in.

“Probably not, he has more severe patients,” she answers.

“I thought every case was severe,” she nearly snaps. The nurse doesn’t say anymore as she writes down her notes and leaves. After awhile she gets up and heads into the hallway. She sees a woman working at the desk so she heads over there. “I want to be discharged,” she states.

“I’m sorry but I’m not in a position to do that,” she says kindly.

“I don’t care, I want to get out of this hospital now!” She snaps/

“Miss please, if you go back to your room I’m sure we can figure something out.”

“No one is listening to me! I want to get out of this fucking hospital now!” She shouts.

“Excuse me, young lady.” A concerned doctor hurries over to her. He’s tall, wearing glasses and a bow tie. “I’m Doctor Harding Hooten, perhaps I can help,” he suggests gently. She couldn’t help but think that with his size he’d be a security guard instead of a doctor. “Come on…let me take you back to your room and we can talk,” he says offering his hand. She hesitantly takes it and guides her slowly back to bed. He makes sure that she’s comfortable and the blankets cover her nicely.

“What’s wrong?”

“I tried to kill myself and all they say is go to a therapist and you’re having a sort of mid-life crisis. We’ve got more severe patients to look after.”

“What? Who said that!?” He gasps.

“I don’t know the nurses name, but that’s what she said when I asked if he would come back.”

“I’m very sorry you have to hear that,” he says with true sympathy. She looks away to hide her sudden tears.

“I don’t know what to do. I just feel like I’m here…so what,” she sniffles wiping her eyes.

“Do you have any family or friends I can call for you?”

“No, they’re all over the place and I don’t really have much friends.”

“Well could you talk to me?” He asks hesitantly.

“Only if you listen.” He squeezes her hand gently.

“I’m listening.”

“I turned thirty this year. I think that’s when it started.”

“What did?”

“Just overthinking a lot of things. I mean I over think a lot. I have a house, a car, a full time job with benefits…a lot of people seem to think that I have my life sorted out, but I don’t really feel that way,” she admits.

“To be honest, there really is no right age to have your life in order. I’m sixty and sometimes I look around and wonder what the hell am I doing?” He smiles.

“What! You’re sixty?” She gasps, making him nod. “You don’t look a day over forty-five.” Hooten gave a hearty laugh at that.

“I certainly wish,” he smiles. She looks down at her hands, picking away at her fingers, another sign of anxiety.

“So am I just going to go up to the psych ward and be left alone in a room all weekend?” She mumbles sadly.

“No,” Hooten stated. She looked up at him hesitantly. “I’m not going to send you up there. you’ve been through enough. It might take another day or so but I’m going to set you up with a therapist and a psychologist before you leave here. I will also get you set up with some medication as well.

“I can start with that,” she says quietly.

“Also I’ll need some information about your place of work. I’m going to put you on sick leave for at least a month.”

“A month! No, I can’t do that!” She gasps.

“I saw notes that said you’re working two jobs. To be blunt you’re burnt out, but that’s ok,” he says gently. “I’ll do most of the brunt work. You need healthy coping skills so this doesn’t happen again. I know I certainly don’t want this to happen again,” he says giving her hand another squeeze. “I’m going to be checking up on you too. Don’t think for a second that I see you as another patient to just shove off to others,” he huffs. She smiles a little.

“Thank you…this really means a lot to me,” she whispers, tears stinging her eyes again. He wraps an arm around her and finally starts sobbing. He just carefully rubs her back in comfort. She cries long enough to get his shoulder wet, but he doesn’t mind at all. He does stop her when she starts to hyperventilate. He guides breathing along to help her avoid a panic attack.

“Thank you for listening doctor I wish there were more people like you.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

[data-is-my-favorite-android]

Not to be back on my Jake tin-foil hat bullshit again, but if Jake comes out when the other two are in imminent danger, I feel like that lends more weight to the possibility that he was the guy with the bandaid on his nose in the first scene because immediately before that we see three things:

1) Marc’s mother saying “it’s all your fault”

2) Taweret with her hippo mouth wide open

3) and Marc and Steven screaming

These are all three things that could trigger an immediate switch to the front for Jake under normal circumstances. Marc’s mother and that phrase is an obvious panic switch for them, so no need to really explain why that would be triggering. And Marc or Steven screaming like that would have Jake sitting up and paying attention by themselves, let alone together. But why is Taweret’s wide open mouth so important?

Simple. Hippos are the most dangerous mammal to humans. They’re fucking killing machines. Marc has spent enough time in Africa to know this, and you can bet Steven knows it too. Seeing a hippo up close with its mouth open like that would be fucking terrifying and quite possibly the last thing they’d ever see. It’s an instant, flashing, all systems red, 🚨MORTAL DANGER🚨 alarm.

That’s the information that Jake gets before he “comes to” screaming just like Steven and Marc in front of Taweret in Dr. Harrow’s office. He’s still unable to run around with Steven and Marc as his own form, but Dr. Harrow’s office seems to exist as another layer in this whole ship of the dead, life retrospective, plane of untethered consciousness experience, so he might not need to have been let out of his sarcophagus to still end up there. Both Marc and Steven end up switching into that room for similar reasons: Marc was freaking out because Steven told him everything would be his fault if he didn’t show him his most painful memories, and Steven was panicking because he didn’t want to accept that their mother was dead, among other things. Honestly visiting Dr. Harrow’s office is kinda like a coping mechanism triggered by stress and designed to put them in a calm, controlled environment when they need it. Almost like dissociating, really, it gives them distance from the immediate stimulation and allows them to work through their current troubles without all the extra noise, so to speak. At least in Marc and Steven’s case, it’s successful; Marc let’s Steven see what he’s been hiding, and Steven is able to accept that his mother is dead and see the final memory he needs to see.

With Jake? He’s immediately defensive. He doesn’t buy whatever this is. Curiously, he’s the only one who doesn’t really get anything resolved in Dr. Harrow’s office. His session ends with him arming himself to either a) escape whatever the fresh hell this is, b) failing that, kill Harrow, and c) failing that, hurt himself. Only when he’s sedated does he switch fully back to Marc out in the psych ward/Duat with Steven.

Anyway, the lines between Jake and Marc are still blurred together during that session, oddly. They shift back and forth over the course of the conversation with Harrow. Why was Marc there, shifting control with Jake, but not Steven? I’m not sure, but the first image was their mother screaming at them. Steven doesn’t remember her that way or even know she was like that at that point, but Marc did. So they both ended up in that room to varying degrees, but Jake was the main alter there.

(As an aside, “Marc” says “hippopotamus” twice in the course of the conversation. Is it just me, or did he have a different accent each time? I think the first time was Jake and the second was Marc—then Harrow asks about the little boy and Jake comes back out.)

idk, idk, could be nothing. But I found that specific set of images followed by “Marc’s” weird behavior in that first scene interesting and it got me thinking (probably overthinking).