#also Batman pretends to be homophobic because

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Propaganda why Dean Winchester is insufferable:

Really mean to Cas (called him a child, zero respect for him, calls him family and casts him out when the angels are looking for him), and an absolute dick to Jack (threatening to kill him CONSTANTLY)

>Was a misogynist (loved to call women skanks, bitches, hoes)

>Used gay as an insult multiple time during the show's run (idc if he's gay an homophobic, that's still insulting)

>Beat up his brother for being possessed

>Beat up his brother for losing his soul (not his brother's fault)

>Used dubious consent to get his brother possessed in a different unrelated possession incident after possession was being used (badly...this is supernatural after all) as a metaphor for SA

>Threatened to murder his brother when he was hallucinating (yay we aren't ableist)

>Locked a child up in a box

>Threatened to kill the child he locked up in a box

>Made a creepy, sexual comment about a barely-legal high school girl

>Got the woman and kid he was living with memory-wiped

misogynistic scumbag. theres also a few different times that dean finds teenagers sexy with the most recent and prominent example that i can recall being the scooby doo crossover episode in season 13 where hes super into daphne who in the version they chose for the episode is 15-16 and is interacting with her as if shes a real person cause they got magicked into the episode. he treats everyone around him like shit and the only time the narrative agrees that thats a bad thing is when he has the mark of cain put on him and hes acting no differently than he does usually its just now acknowledged that hes treating others like shit. ive been rewatching the show for shits and giggles with a friend and wow he really does not treat anyone well but i wanna focus on how he treats sam for a second cause dude's hobby seems to be ignoring what his brother wants and lying to sam about doing stuff that directly concerns him the demon blood and souless things are reasonable cause those were both Bad for sam but theyre still part of a wider pattern and the most prominent example of this being when dean tricks sam into letting gadreel possess him and actually gaslights sam about it with the whole ordeal ending when its revealed gadreel lied about who he was and while possessing sam murders a friend of theirs. his voice is just also stupid as fuck im sorry this is just petty but he just sounds like hes trying so hard to be gruff n intimidating but he just sounds like a kid pretending to be batman

Dean’s list of sins is crazy long because of how long the show ran, but the key thing for me is that post-locking Sam in the bunker (season 4 I think?), I just can’t enjoy their relationship anymore. I normally love their sibling dynamic, but Dean’s ultimate worst past-the-point-of-no-return moment for me was demonizing (pun intended) his little brother for being “addicted” to demon blood, which only happened because of a series of events that were either Dean’s or someone else’s fault, not Sam’s. I also really dislike how the fandom treats Dean like this angel (pun intended) who has done no wrong and even tries to justify the MULTIPLE times he’s beaten up and otherwise abused his little brother. Canon Dean is like the polar opposite of fanon Dean: he’s homophobic and racist (jokes about a Black man being sexually assaulted in prison), misogynistic (take a shot every time he calls a woman a slur and you’ll die of alcohol poisoning), and abusive.

Propaganda why the Tenth Doctor is insufferable:

They’re so *edgy*

That one time he committed a genocide by drowning the last children of a near-extinct species (Racnoss) because their mother was evil. The closest anyone ever got to calling him out on it was when Donna noted that his take on a *different* set of weird alien babies (the Adipose) was a lot nicer than last time.

A combination of hypocrisy, sanctimony, and an equally insufferable fanbase. And the dissonance between what he actually does and how the narrative presents it.

[lesbianspeedy]

can I hear about the mia and ollie similarities whenever you have time...

theyre blonde :( thats it :( okay but ACTUALLY LETS GET INTO IT

They're loud assholes to people who need to be yelled at, but theyre actually hella introverted.

Mia "i think fast i talk fast" Dearden will mouth off at villains and batman, and take the piss out of people she loves. BUT she wasn't exactly shown to have like a friend group at her school (she was shown to be popular. but we only see her specifically interact with one person), and was extremely nervous to join the titans, not because they intimidated her, but because she didnt really...want to be there. She'd rather be with people she knows. She spends most of her time practicing archery, even before she was speedy. The only time we ever saw her go out anywhere was on a date with Dodger. And I will be pretending for the sake of this post that all of this is bc of character stuff and not just bad writing!

Similarly, Ollie "goateed loudmouth" Queen thrives when he's alone, he prefers it, he rarely spends time with people outside of his family or close close friends. He'll rant and rave at leaguers and cops and capitalists and villains all day long, but he's at his happiest and most content when he's alone, and often when on the move too, this man cannot sit still he is like a fucking shark he will die if he is in the same place too long but thats unrelated to this post.

As is pretty much a requirement to be in the arrowfam. Neither of them are here to fight the big alien threats you take on while being in the league/titans. They're here to save the little guy and fuck up capitalists. They have both seen the worst of society on the very opposite ends of the spectrum, Ollie with the rich, Mia with those the rich forget or ignore. I don't think I really need to add an example of Ollie here considering thats like his main this if u know anything about him. But look heres mia thinking abt it in her first titans issue.

Now with coping mechanisms they're a lil different, Mia tends to isolate and stay in one place. Ollie will isolate but fuck off somewhere. Accidentally walk to canada. That sorta thing.

(pls ignore how terrifying bald ollie is)

They also both mask their emotions and deflect with humour when around other people, they don't want others to have to deal with their shit, they don't want to burden them (hence the isolation, this also often leads to them imploding in on themselves). Heres my most favourite example of their similarities ever (yes I will continue to post and talk about this specific thing every 3 weeks and no one can stop me) I do owe Hester my life for this

Now heres the best part. They both did this a lot right. And yknow what that led to? Learning and growing and being there for each other :] Now im going to be honest we dont really see this growth in vol 3 bc judd winick is incapable of writing character development but! Phil Hester is here for us once again with his story in the 80th special and this part specifically <3

Also once again a whole arrowfam thing- neither of them give two shits about their secret id lmao. I choose to believe Mia is so flippant about hers bc she so easily realised Ollie was GA that she just went like. Yeah sure I won't give a fuck either, it's clearly working for him.

oh and they both like musical theatre, hate batman and are homophobic**. sad. **not actually thats just an in joke in fandom

[forevercloudnine]

"#honestly i just wish they'd also let the problematic gay characters out of the basement for pride brunch"

it's funny how gay coded villains exist in this purgatory where they are often allowed to act more gay than actual gay characters BUT they are never ever actually confirmed to be lgbt in any way because that would be problematic or something. i'm thinking specifically of joker here but i'm sure there are other examples. alright maybe that's not entirely fair to say because there are also characters like harley & ivy who were implied to be an item as villains, while now their relationship status is more explicit as they've become more heroic. idk where i'm going with this but it's interesting to me

It is interesting! I think the bar for DC is whether or not confirming a character as gay would highlight how homophobic some of their comics are. And like, I love Scott Snyder's Batman run, but there is only a thin line of plausibly deniability protecting those comics from being about how a gay man being attracted to you is a horror on par with a man wearing his own rotting face as a mask and threatening to murder your children.

That being said, the problematic gays I was referring to in the tag were actually the Secret Six, who I desperately need new content for. They had some pin-ups in DC Pride #1 but that is NOT the same as new content.

Also Ragdoll is LITERALLY dead right now. I assume so DC can pretend that their first trans character wasn't a nonbinary serial killer who performed bottom surgery on themselves because their dick made it inconvenient to be a contortionist.

[ihaveopinionstooyaknow]

FEMALE GAZE: maybe he isn't so bad?

So, I do not have tiktok. I have finally rid myself of that intrepid parasite that plagued my psyche for years, yes! But I do still allow youtube to take my nutrients, and I stumbled upon this man “Kevin”, “Female Gaze Kevin.” 

This guy is fucking ugly.

He has a receding hairline, lips straight from the ocean, and ice age eyes. “Now, why would you be so cruel? I have one of these features, I look similar to him-” Are you a shit person who takes advantage of women? If you answer “yes” then you are ugly too, if “no” then keep walking buddy we are NOT talking about you. 

So why are all these women fawning over him?

Well, first let’s discuss “nice guys.” A nice guy is typically a gross man who pushes boundaries, and feels entitled to sex with a woman. It is often synonymous with “incels.” We have all gone to school with plenty of nice guys! Some of us even made the mistake of dating them. Now, we can all admit that to date one of those sleaze bags you have to have pretty low self worth, tossing your wellness to the breeze just to get… unwashed penis? Gaslit? Maybe you just really dream of flashing someone to win at mario kart, and then having them get actually mad that you ruined their lap? 

So why is Kevin different? What separates Kevin from that boy in your physics class that you keep catching staring down your shirt? 

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

With the release of “The Batman” and Paul Dano’s Riddler, a spike in romanticization of these types was seen across the internet, teenage girls everywhere begging for the incels they mocked a month ago. Girls started dreaming of the pervert, the man who will undoubtedly give them sexual attention and will apparently have eyes for no one but her. It’s similar to the attraction to Joe Goldberg. Being the girl he will be satisfied with, being “his woman.” But, and forgive me for spoilers, what was wrong with Beck? Love? That librarian chick from the last season? Were they all unworthy, ugly, TRAMPS who just don’t understand a real man when they see it? 

Fighting for the creep means fighting against other women, tearing them down. I know a lot of girls fantasize about killing other girls who their boyfriend looks at, or girls that look at their boyfriend. If the only way to trust your partner isn’t going to cheat is by eliminating the competition… Run??? Lmao???

But these girls still mock incels. They see that boy in class and run, they see him disgusting and uncomfortable to be around. But if he weren’t so repulsive… Maybe if you gave him a shot, he would be eternally indebted to you for saving him from his virginity! And he would never cheat, never care about other women, because he has you! A real life woman! Or rather, real life tits and poon. No matter how much you try to tame and domesticate the incel, he will never see you as a person. You can take the porn addict away from his laptop and into your lap, but all he’s thinking is “Booba!” And because of his addiction, he will still seek porn and other girls. BECAUSE IT ISN’T ABOUT YOU. It isn’t about how witty and cool and hot you are, it’s about how many times he can get laid, and how quickly. 

If you have fallen victim to Kevin’s seducing “female gaze” (not at all what that term even means lmao) then I highly recommend you spend a day browsing /tv/ on 4chan and see how they talk about female celebrities. Did you know that some perverts will walk around with a dog so women will approach them? My girlfriend told me that one recently, it blew my mind. 

So again I raise the question, why are women finding Kevin attractive? Why are they drawn to the act? They don’t. They are literally pretending they do to cope with rejection and trauma with men. No man is “safe,” the McElroy brothers are still the same men as that guy you liked for years who dated your best friend. 

Also Kevin was outed for homophobic jokes, heavily insulting black women’s features, and being exactly the opposite of “safe.” So yeah, stop doing this shit women. Accept the nature of men or become a dyke idrfc.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[n7punk]

I’ve seen a lot of fandom blogs get heat for this recently, but mainly spop & lok, I think? But the basic premise is that certain ppl feel that adult fans shouldn’t make adult content (nsfw or otherwise) w/ adult characters bc they’re “children’s characters” who belong to kids & using “their characters” & “pretending to relate to them” is wrong. It makes no sense to me?! These characters don’t belong to anyone & there’s nothing wrong w/ adult fans making adult content w/ adult characters.

part 2:

I don't really have much to say to this because I think these people are either stupid or homophobes. They never go after the het ships/fandoms with the same argument, or at least not with the same veracity. If you're asking me to explain their logic: sorry, I can't, they don't have logic, or what little that they do have ignores obvious facts like how kids shouldn't be online unsupervised (at least not on sites like tumblr, ao3, twitter, etc) and the fact that the sites where a lot of the nsfw fandom content is have explicit filtering.

Characters don't "belong to kids" just because kids look at them too. Kids love batman and a lot of superheroes, but you'll also find them fucking even in canon itself because they're adults and most adults do that. LOK and She-ra fall into what I call "younger audience oriented", which means it is labeled as a kid show and ostensibly marketed that way, but it has a lot of appeal to adults and 20-somethings as well. There are officially licensed $120 She-ra rings for sale - in only adult sizing. That merch isn't marketed at kids or their parents. It shows that Dreamworks is well aware of their adult fanbase and catering to them. These people are ignoring the fact that the adults in the fandom are producing NSFW for themselves or for the other adults. NSFW is always going to exist and be findable on the internet - it doesn't matter which characters the NSFW features, it doesn't magically harm children with psychic damage if it's Bruce Wayne, or Adora Grayskull, or any other consenting adult. Kids should be using safe search and explicit filters and not see the content regardless.

I could write a whole take-down of the logic, but it doesn't matter, because it's not genuine caring/logic that motivates them. I'll say it bluntly: These people are trying to get their foot in the door. They think this is their most "acceptable" opinion, so they'll get you to agree with this, and then they'll shame you for creating NSFW gay content at all (or whatever else it is that they actually have their base issue with, but it's usually this). This is them cloaking by using something that they think they might be able to slowly convert you with. It's sometimes TERFs, targeting creators who produce trans or just gay fan content. Sometimes it's puritans against all sexuality, not just LGBT content. Regardless of who it is, they start with this, because it's more acceptable to suppress.

I don't know what their endgame/trajectory is, but I recognize a "foot in the door" argument when I see one. Do not give them space in your mind - you poke a hole in their logic and the whole thing falls apart like the Jenga tower it is. Just block them on sight. I do. You can't argue with people who have no logic or refuse to let theirs be informed by facts and reality.

[themountainsays]

Heyo its me again

(I'll be bothering you now everytime when I have new Ideas)

First of all (again): dont mind the antis who are causing trouble. Most of them just dont have a life yk? Dont like it? Just block it. But most of them dont dont do that so- If smth like that happends I just always have that in mind and then im always snickering bc maybe theyre just undercover shipper that fear other antis so they pretend to not like it :D

BUT ANYWAYS-

I hope youre feeling great otherwise and the problem gets solved soon

About the feeling welcome part: How could anybody not feel welcome? Bc youre just so nice and kind- (never met anyone like that) that its almost impossible to feel uncomfy or sum

Ahem

I keep forgetting my point (my god im writing too much)

So

Urban legend isamira oooor isalores

Bc i keep thinking about that and just-

I really like the idea of one of them being like Kuchisake onna (mostly Isa bc of the black, wonderful hair)

Just imagine: Isa is the kuchisake and mira is her victim. At first its normal and like every story from the kuchisake. But Mira has also a mask on.

And now: sad mira backstory

Family died (prolly got murdered) and the people who did it didnt kill mira. No they did this joker thing (from batman). Like he has cuts on the side of his lips (idk how to describe it) but they healed so theyre just scars. Mira has the same.

So

Back at it again

Isa pulling of Mira's mask bc she wants to see her face and seeing that Mira has the same scars as her. Okay theyre healed but who cares.

Mira just being like: "youre gonna kill me now or nah? .-." Bc Isa just keeps staring at her face bc OMG SHES SO PRETTY AND THEY HAVE THE SAME THING OMFG OMFG. basically Isa just panicking. Mira has enough of it and jist walks away.

It ends in Isa always following Mira and chasing away anybody who wants to date Mira bc Isa is just so inlove-

Ahem

In the end Mira just also falls in love bc this cute girl just keeps following her and omg she fine asf-

Hey there. Thank you. I needed some kind words.

(Uh, I don't wanna drag you or anyone down with my angsting so lemme vent a lil bit here, the fun part starts with the normal-sized letters. Feel free to skip this 😂)

Today has been a good day, but last weekend felt very draining. It's not just "antis" it feels like everyone in the E.ncanto fandom, every single person out there, hates us. I mean, I can name maybe two or three users that I get the feeling have no strong feelings about us, but I swear everyone out there makes me feel so unsafe. And J.uanse publicly denouncing us made me feel like we're under far more threat than I thought, and it's just... everyone... showing so much disgust for us all the time... I can block people, but when I see so many wonderful and well-respected artists and writers insulting us and inciting their large audiences to do the same, and the list of people I need to block grows longer and longer... it feels devastating. And it's not like you can say "it hurts that you try to ostracize us from the community so roughly", because they answer with "you deserve to be ostracized and treated with roughness, because you are gross, sick and subhuman", and all I can think about is, man this feels a lot like discrimination lmao 😂 all I'm saying is, it sounds an awful lot like the shit my homophobic family and old classmates would say. Idk maybe my self-esteem is a bit too fragile. Maybe I'm too sensitive to rejection, though from what I've seen we're many feeling this way so, yeah, I can't help but feeling heartbroken and scared.

But I'm happy I can come across as welcoming. I try my best to keep my online image as clean and friendly as possible. I'm probably not as nice irl 😂 there's less proofreading and editing there. But yeah. I'm flattered to hear you think I'm nice and kind. I hope I can do things right and continue to do things right in the future. We can't convince people out there that we deserve dignity and respect but I at least want to try to offer folks here some kindness ;-;

Ahh okay. Dumb sadness aside. Urban legend isamira 👀

Ok ok so I'd NEVER heard of the kuchisake-onna before so I looked it up and 1) that's terrifying and 2) omg I can see the patterns 👀 the kuchisake-onna originally being human and cheating on her husband so he cuts her face and now as a spirit asking people if they think she's pretty, punishing them no matter the answer. But my favorite part is that one of the suggested methods to escape her is to tell her she "looks average" akskdjfjs i'm sorry that's just so funny to me and it's SUCH a Mirabel thing to say like POV an evil spirit asks you if you think she's pretty and your reaction is this:

I can........ sorta...... see Isabela's villain origin story happening with Mariano. She never truly loved him, cos gay, so evil!Mariano punished her by cutting her face, now she's a spirit walking around with a pair of scissors ready to cut people in the same way they cut her, and one day she runs into a girl who 1) tells her she looks average and 2) has the same fucking scars hello??? And speaking of scars holy shit dude the whole family?? Killed???? All of them???? And she was mutilated like that?? Fuck man that's A LOT of trauma. I can actually see evil murder spirit Isabela helping her feel understood and protected because she sorta understands, like, trauma. I also find it so cute and funny that Isabela just has a gay panic about her next victim because they have the same scars and she looks pretty?? Ajsjsjfjs that's adorable dude 😭😭😭

[variousqueerthings]

Tom Hardy Movies rated least to most queer

I made a list of some Tom Hardy movies and I rated them based on my own, non-specific criteria about what makes a movie queer. Results below the cut.

(Some films not included, because I haven’t watched them yet, because Mr Hardy’s only in them for a few minutes, because the subject matter doesn’t lend itself to this list, or because I just don’t want’em here. TV series also not included. The list is organised into both groups and ratings, because I’m doing The Most.)

Movies are divided into four groups and rated from 0 – 10 on the Queer-Scale, scroll down to the bottom if you want the ratings without the commentary.

Disclaimer: This list is subjective. Don’t come at me because I didn’t rate Inception higher, Nolan himself is as queer as cargo shorts. 

1. This movie would make more sense if it were queer

If this movie were queer it… might not become a perfect film all of a sudden, but it’d make a hell of a lot more sense than what’s actually going on. With an occasional dose of “are the cis-straights okay?”

This Means War (2012): So Chris Pine and Tom Hardy are ostensibly both in love with Reese Witherspoon, but say “I love you” to each other pretty much constantly throughout the movie and their friendship is often presented as a domestic partnership. Cool, cool, cooool.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10. This movie hate-crimed me by having Tom Hardy literally spell out his relationship with Chris Pine, only for the script to then have him say… “can you imagine all that… but with a woman…” Later on the movie explicitly denies polyamory is possible. Fuck this film.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012): Batman movies should always be queer. Mr. Hardy’s the only one who acceptably camps it up, despite Nolan’s best attempts to make him “acceptably gruff.” No matter what you do, Bane is a massive daddy in a mask and thanks to Mr Hardy’s honestly iconic fucking speech pattern in this film, it goes from pretty atrociously straight to just queer enough to imagine a future where Robert Pattinson plays batman and maybe adopts a bunch of kids.

(the only truly decent mask in this franchise tbh)

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. Mr Hardy’s back is the one that’s actually broken carrying any semblance of fun in this overly long movie all on his own.

Lawless (2012): Wow, this really was the year of the not-queer-enough, wasn’t it? Look, it’s “based on a real story,” but it’s also a movie and movies don’t need to stick to the truth, and this one certainly doesn’t. Was the guy queer in real life? I don’t know. But that doesn’t matter, what matters is that it’s just kind of an eh movie and maybe being queer would add something to it. One of those “but why make someone queer? because it’s always more interesting to do so,” movies.

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. It’s just not queer. But Tom Hardy wears cardigans and described his character as a “mother figure,” which adds an interesting dynamic to him.

2. Actually Queer but in a homophobic way

Tom Hardy plays a canonically queer character, yaaay. The whole movie contains a strange sense of the director being too not-queer to actually engage with that and everything around him is almost aggressively straight, noooo.

RocknRolla (2008): Honestly this movie has the funniest coming out scene ever + that familiar undertone of “all these manly men secretly want to fuck each other” is only heightened by one of them actually being gay and in love with his best friend. It’s such a fucking… it’s such a movie. Personally I find Mark Strong, Idris Elba, Thandie Newton, and, of course, Tom Hardy to be really hot in it, so that’s a plus. There’s a scene in which Strong’s character teaches another gangster how to do a proper backhand. It’s really gay of him. Also slow-dancing at a gay club. Butler’s character needs to get himself together, you really don’t think 2008 Tom Hardy is hot? Mate.

(left to right: functional queer, disaster queer, distinguished queer)

Queer Rating: 6 out of 10, for having an actual gay character who is played by Tom Hardy doing a sexy phonecall voice to another guy, but then there’s that feeling you can’t shake that the whole movie is vaguely uncomfortable about it, like a family member awkwardly patting you on the shoulder after they found out you were queer second-hand, but they’ve still got 50 years of bias to unlearn. Also Thandie Newton is killed, fuck that noise. 

Legend (2015): If I had a nickle for the amount of times Tom Hardy’s played a gay gangster, I’d have two nickles. Which isn’t a lot, but weird that it happened twice (looks at Peaky Blinders and thinks it ought to be three times). I’ve watched Legend three times and every time it just… loses me. And because this is a biased list, I’ll only specifically mention that it fails to make Ron’s queerness anything but a way for him to shock others. Gangsters could be gay? Gasp! On the upside Tom Hardy has so much sexual tension with everyone in this movie, including himself (why would you do that? Asks Ron, bemused. Because I can’t kill you, no matter how much I fucking want to, hisses a blood-soaked Reggie right into his ear. It’s hot).

Queer rating: 5 out of 10 because the film is just not very queer for a movie with several queer men in it.

3. Straight as a forced family dinner

It’s straight.

Locke (2013): He’s a married man who had an affair and trying to deal with the fallout of it. This isn’t a spoiler for most of the movie, it’s a pretty neat movie where we look at Tom Hardy having a bit of a mental breakdown and taking lots of phonecalls (my personal hell). Is it queer? Not in the slightest.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10 for Hardy’s face being in almost every shot.

The Revenant (2015): Yeah, yeah, DeCaprio’s and Hardy’s characters are obsessed with each other, yeah it’s a man’s world where the only women are dead wife, kidnapped sexually assaulted native princess, or background whore, yeah, they fight each other and there’s a ton of grunting, but also… I just fucking don’t like this movie. The thin line where a storyline like this one becomes queer might be crossed for others, but not for me. Fuck these guys and their stupid  bear fights.

Queer rating: 3 out of 10 for it being about dirty men in the middle of nowhere (but you could just watch Brokeback Mountain or The Lighthouse or God’s Own Country or any Mad Max, or, or, or…)

4. Queer? Queer. Queer? … Queer…

The plots, aesthetics and/or characters played by Tom Hardy lend themselves to a queer reading, even if there is no overt intention towards queerness. Often this is because of a deliberate lack of heterosexual and/or cisgender writing, which in this day and age is still pretty uncommon not to include within a plot.

Inception (2010): Okay, I don’t even need to write about the added “darling,” or the “go to sleep Mr Eames.” I don’t need to go on about the absolutely bonkers amount of fanfiction written for Eames and Arthur, based on a few minutes of film and a boatload of chemistry. It’s queer.

Queer Rating: 7 out of 10, because the actual plot of the film isn’t very queer, but between the Arthur/Eames dynamic and Elliot Page, Nolan was really given a gift he didn’t deserve.

Warrior (2011): Okay, so first off, this might be my favourite Tom Hardy film, at least some part of my brain is fixated on it at almost all times and I’m considering watching it for the third time in two weeks. I don’t only consider it queer based on Mr. Hardy’s character, although he has no romantic or sexual interest and could be read as aroace, but because of the themes, especially those surrounding said character, who is coded as a caregiver to women and through close emotional connections to men. It’s got possibly unintentional deconstructions of masculinity and two men (brothers) who need to forgive each other and can only do so through the catharsis of violence. It speaks to me as a transmasc with several cis brothers, struggling with my own masculinity. It’s not at all written for me, but I find myself all over it. I could talk about this movie forever.

Queer Rating: 8 out of 10. I’m not allowed to say any more or I’ll never stop writing about it. I love you Tommy…

The Drop (2014): Bob’s lack of sexual and/or romantic interest in Naomi is so strange to her that she doesn’t know what he would want from her otherwise. Bob really just wants to raise a dog with her (and also forgiveness for past sins). Bob is such a rare ace and possibly aro coded character, it really throws me every time I watch this film how obvious it is. Bonus points for also being autistic-coded and not in the stereotypical ways.

(Tom Hardy’s most challenging role: pretending he doesn’t know dogs)

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10 because it’s so fucking rare to see ace and aro coded characters that aren’t, you know…. serial killers. Also Tom Hardy adopts a puppy and has a very cute, kinda lispy voice. How often does Tom Hardy play softer men like this?

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015): Very deliberately no sexual or romantic writing included in Max’s and Furiosa’s relationship. Sure, there’s not a lot of time for that in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, but it was also done with a purpose! “It was always going to be two warriors on par, starting off with very little respect for each other and ending up with a massive respect for each other.” - Charlize Theron. “So of course they meet, of course there’s a relationship, an unspoken understanding. A recognition.” - Tom Hardy.

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10. It’s not just the characters, but the world and it’s apocalyptic BDSM leather scene, the questions it asks about sustainability and about people as tools, and the found family. It’s about overcoming violence through multiple kinds of love. And it’s about watching a guy playing flame-thrower guitar. What could be queerer?

Venom (2018): Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same… No, but Eddie is queer. The only question is whether the sequel will acknowledge that aspect or not, but even if not. Even if it manages to straightly bypass the reality of a symbiotic relationship with a genderless? genderfluid? being from another world that is linked to you down to your very cells and understands you more intimately than any other person possibly could… even if all that: Eddie is queer. Venom and Eddie are in a relationship. Any relationship Eddie ever enters into will automatically become a thrupple. He makes out with Venom in the movie! Eddie is queer.

(aw yeah that tongue is going down his throat)

Queer Rating: 9.5 out of 10, because it’s still coded by the creators in the language of bromance (hey, bro, is it gay if we’re physically and emotionally closer than any other people on earth?), but the movie is so, so camp and Mr Hardy’s acting choices are beautiful – the screaming? The lispy soft voice and lack of taking up space? The lobster tank? The only people who don’t know how queer this is are the people making it apparently. Fingers crossed for that sequel!

Hon. mentions:

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002): Star Trek – even at it’s worst (especially at its worst?) – is camp af + Hardy is a straight-up baby in this film.

Bronson (2008): It’s about a real person who’s still alive, so I won’t comment on the actual man. However the film seems to code the character Bronson along an ace line and also has genderqueering Vaudeville. Someone let Tom Hardy do more of whatever was going on in those stage-bits.

(this right here: this the good shit)

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011): Another ensemble piece not massively about Hardy’s character, but it’s a movie that centers around queerness in a strange, depressing way. Tom Hardy’s character isn’t queer. Colin Firth and Mark Strong are though. The book makes me cry.

Peaky Blinders (2013-): Because it’s a TV series I left it out. There’s a lot of straight nonsense going on there, but Alfie Solomens is gay. There’s nothing in the series that disputes that and plenty that lends itself to the reading.

Dunkirk (2017): Tom Hardy plays an RAF pilot in a deep emotional connection with the other main RAF pilot. That’s immediately gay. However he’s not in the movie much because of the way it’s constructed, so I left it off.

Queer Ratings (least to most)

No queer to be found here traveller:

This Means War: 2 out of 10 - illegal movie, Tom Hardy swore he wouldn’t do another rom-com after

Locke: 2 out of 10 - straight Welshman and his straight problems. He pretty though

Lawless: 3 out of 10 - cardigan-Hardy being a mother-hen, but very straight for all that

The Dark Knight Rises: 3 out of 10 - a superhero movie that doesn’t deserve Mr Hardy’s camp talents (unlike Venom)

The Revenant: 3 out of 10 - doesn’t give me what I want out of a movie full of dirty, bearded men

Queer but we deserve more:

Legend: 5 out of 10 - timid homosexuality, considering the source material. 

RocknRolla: 6 out of 10 - hey bro, is it gay if we kill the only female lead in our massive ensemble cast

The queerest of Hardy’s:

Inception: 7 out of 10 - Elliot Page and JGL kissing was an all-around terrible choice that made no sense, we know the truth, Nolan

Warrior: 8 out of 10 - I’m still crying, Edgerton’s crying, Hardy’s crying, we’re all crying, and I think that’s really emotionally healthy and queer of us

Mad Max: Fury Road: 9 out of 10 - non-romantic love in the time of BDSM post-apocalyptic wastelands is something that can actually be so personal

The Drop: 9 out of 10 - “Fucking punk. Go out to dinner dressed like you're still in you living room! You wear those big hippity-hoppity clown shoes! You speak to women terribly! You treat them despicably! You hurt harmless dogs that can't defend themselves! I'm tired of you man. I'm tired of you. You embarrass me!”

Venom: 9.5 out of 10 - Sometimes a relationship is an anxious reporter, the sentient goo inhabiting his body, his kinda-ex-girlfriend and her new doctor boyfriend, and I think that’s beautiful

[spooky-z]

Field Trip

Maribat is from @ozmav​

I want to make two things very clear:

Near the end there are homophobic and racist lines. So, please, be careful.

This is almost 9K.

That was D-Day. The day of the field trip at Wayne Enterprises.

Marinette knew she shouldn't be so excited, because please, she knew that place like her palm. But that didn't stop her from being excited to be able to introduce her friends to the employees there.

Every time she promised to take them to meet each other, but there was never a good enough opportunity for that to happen, since Adrien's father, Gabriel, was the biggest problem of the equation.

She was in the bathroom, finishing getting ready and had shared the hotel room with Alix, who from what she could hear, was jumping on the bed like crazy.

“Al, don't you get tired?” Marinette sighs as she leaves the bathroom.

The pink-haired girl - dressed in denim shorts, a black shirt with Batman logo, jacket tied at the waist and a black hat - stops jumping. Laughter ready to go out.

“It depends.” She replies. “Will you stop letting the rest of the class step on you because of that snake?”

"Al..." The warning tone clear in her voice.

Alix rolls her eyes and gets off the bed. She, like Kim, kept debating that Marinette should stop bowing her head to the class antics because of Lila. The girl had arrived in Dupont and destroyed the brunette's reputation just because of Adrien.

“Okay, I get it. I don't say anything else…” She says grumpy and Marinette smiles “For now.” And laughs at her best friend's frown.

“… I don't know why I still try. Really. You guys are a pain in the ass.” Marinette complains.

"It's love." Alix countered. "Let's go now. Those losers must be waiting in the lobby.”

Marinette picks up her bag from the bed, ready for the trip.

She was wearing black jeans, sneakers (they would walk a lot) and a big white long-sleeved sweater. Her hair was messed up on purpose.

Alix put on her old traditional all-star and opened the bedroom door for her friend.

When they were inside the elevator, Marinette turned to the girl. The high finger, like a mother lecturing her children.

“Remember: no trying to compete with Kim inside the building. If you don't behave, I will end you.” She warns. “And you know I can handle it.”

The pink-haired girl rolls her eyes but nods in agreement.

“I will behave myself. Promise."

"Great."

"Nice."

"Good."

"... You are unbearable." Alix says.

"I know." Marinette winks and they both burst out laughing.

They keep laughing until the elevator arrives in the lobby and bump into their friends, separated from the rest of the class, talking about something.

Alix pulls Marinette into the group, catching the attention of the rest of the class.

They ignore the scornful glances cast.

"Hey, losers." Alix nods when they get to them.

"Good morning, guys." Marinette smiles.

Adrien looked like he'd been kicked out of bed - his hair was messier than usual, a black sweatshirt with little cats, ripped jeans and the orange all-star he wouldn't let go of - his eyes barely opening to nod in acknowledgment, almost lying upright in Kim's arms.

Kim dressed similarly, except for the sweatshirt, which was several bats and the jeans were black, as were the sneakers. His hair was like Adrien's. Soft.

“Good morning!” He replies, holding Adrien with his right arm and waving his left hand.

"It's about time." Chloe complains. "I thought I would have to send Mr. Robot here to wake you up."

She was wearing light jeans, caramel UGG boots. The yellow jacket was open, giving a view of the white - which Marinette was sure was Alix's – shirt with Wonder Woman print underneath. Her blond hair was loose and her makeup minimal.

Max was wearing something Marinette never thought she'd see him wear before. A large hoodie - from Adrien, we should make clear - with Naruto print, black jeans and black vans too. He had the dreadlock — had grown since he was twelve — pinned to the top of his head.

"We took so long because Marinette was getting ready for her sweetheart." Alix teases.

Marinette feels her face burn.

"ALIX!"

Sabrina laughs. "Good morning, girls."

She wore a long green pleated skirt, white sneakers without a sock, a white shirt and an open button-down denim jacket. Her hair was tied in a braid on the side of her head and her makeup was minimal too.

Max looked like he was going to say something when Ms. Bustier appears, a man by her side.

“Class, let's go. The bus has arrived. This is the driver, Philip.” She points at him.

Marinette glanced quickly at the class and her eyes met Lila's. The smile the Italian sent her was freezing her blood.

“It looks like today is going to be interesting.” Adrien, who seemed much more awake, says.

The seven friends couldn't help but agree.

×××

The bus ride had been fun.

As they were many, someone would be left to sit with someone in the class and that was something that Alix did not allow to happen. Then she squeezed herself between Marinette and Sabrina, while Max sat next to Chloe and Adrien continued to use Kim as a pillow.

Marinette was wiping out her cell phone memory by taking pictures.

Proof, she says. Blackmail, replies Chloe, who was also taking pictures.

Alix and Sabrina were busy with the landscape, Max was studying about WE and Kim was playing something on his cell phone.

As the bus pulled up in front of the huge Wayne building cluster, Marinette felt anxiety bubbling in her stomach.

She had promised Dick she would not pretend to know anyone - Marinette didn't like to draw attention - so when she saw any of them, she would have to act like herself.

It had been a long and tiring conversation. The Wayne complaining that she never introduced them to her friends or that she always pretended not to know them.

Jason had even teased that she was ashamed of Damian and Damian retaliated by saying he was ashamed of his brothers. The two started fighting and it took Selina to intervene for them to stop.

Anyway. She had promised and Marinette Dupain-Cheng was not someone to break her promises.

She just wished her classmates were quiet and said nothing... graphic. Otherwise, she couldn't defend them from Wayne's fury.

Caline Bustier gets up from her seat and turns to the class, still sitting in their seats.

"We're here," she begins. “But before we get in, I want to make some things clear. IW has tough rules that should not be disregarded for anything.” Says “I know many should not have read the permission paper I gave their parents to sign, so I will warn them: they signed an NDA along with the permission. If you break this agreement, you can and will be sued. They don't care if you're seventeen.”

She looks each other in the eye, serious. Wanting them to understand the seriousness of the situation.

“Now I'll go over the rules.” She takes a piece of paper from her purse and starts reading it. “It's not allowed to take pictures, walk around the building without the guide or someone authorized, enter forbidden places and most importantly: do not disclose anything you saw inside. If a person breaks any of these rules, they will be banned from any Wayne buildings and prosecuted.” Caline lowers the paper. "Let's go now! We have a lot to learn.”

And get off the bus, followed by the excited class. The seven friends right behind, putting a certain distance.

"I'll finally meet the famous Timothy Drake." Max says, his face serious as if on a mission.

Marinette feels the warnings ring in her head. Max had built a rivalry since Tim figured out in a day how to solve a riddle that had left Max sleepless for months. That had been almost a year ago, but the flame of rivalry still burned in the boy's chest.

"Look, I don't know if the boys will be here." She says "I know Dick will be here, because he told me he would be the guide, but I don't know about the others."

Kim pouting, Adrien joins him and Alix too.

"But I thought I would meet Jason in person."

She shudders thinking about this meeting. No. Nope. That would not happen. Otherwise, she thinks Gotham wouldn't be whole.

"Neither Duke?" Sabrina question.

“I really think it's just Dick today, guys. I'm sorry."

The five sighs in dismay. Marinette sighs with relief.

"Let's go. They're leaving us behind.” Chloe says and points to the group ahead of them, already entering the building.”

"Shit."

And they run to catch up.

×××

As much as Marinette has spent much of the past two years walking these corridors, getting into the WI building was always breathtaking. The architecture was out of this world.

“… Thank you so much for getting this tour, Lila!” She hears Rose squeal excitedly.

Adrien snorts at her side, annoyed. He knew very well that the one who had made the trip had been Marinette. Lila was lying again and Ms. Bustier made no effort to dismiss the girl.

Marinette tightens the blonde's hand, trying to distract him from class.

“It was nothing!” Lila brags. “When I told Brucie that the class needed a trip as a graduation gift, he offered it to us. You know, he likes me a lot, since I'm his daughter-in-law.”

The class begins to praise her as a strange kind of cult and Marinette rolls her eyes at the familiar scene.

“What a nasty little girl we have here.” A voice purrs in Marinette's ear.

The girl jumps in surprise, a little scream escaping her lips. Everyone turns to look at her and she turns to find out who she was.

“SELINA!” She shouts excitedly.

The latin-looking woman smiles. Black hair in a pixie cut, plump lips and green eyes. She wore a black pencil skirt, a white blouse with lace at the shoulders and Louboutin high heels.

"Hello, kitten." Marinette hugs the woman.

They had not seen each other for a long time. Selina and Bruce were traveling a lot on their honeymoon, to make up for the times the marriage had been postponed.

“I missed you.” She pulls back, the firm smile on her face. “How was the honeymoon?”

“Wonderful.” Selina responds. “And how have you been?”

“Great.” She turns to her friends. “Guys, this is Selina Kyle.”

And then turns to Selina again.

“Selina, these are Adrien Agreste-” He smiles. “Chloe Bourgeois-” She waves. “Sabrina Raincomprix-” She says hello. “Max Kanté-” He waves. “And Lê Chiến Kim. My friends.” He winks charming.

The woman analyzes each one, nodding in approval in the end.

"They seem to be good people, kitten." She says. "I hope they can come to dinner with us tonight."

Marinette's smile gets impossibly bigger.

"Of-"

“Who is this, Marinette?” Lila's voice cuts the girl off. And the good mood of before changes to a sour one.

Selina looks away from the girl and looks at the rest of the class with Lila.

The girl had a despicable look on her face, a fake smile and sharp eyes. The class around her wasn't much better, since they didn't even pretend for politeness.

The woman observes the situation. At how once happy friends came together as if they were forming a barrier between Marinette and the other girl. How tempers became exalted.

Selina takes the lead, wanting to avoid a scene.

“Selina Kyle.” She replies. “And you? Who is it?” Question. The sharp tone leaves no gap for jokes.

Lila takes this as an opportunity to lie. Again.

“Lila Rossi. Damian Wayne's fiancée.” She extends her hand. “I’m the one who arranged the class trip.” Selina squeezes her hand.

"Damian's fiancée?" She hisses in displeasure. "Interesting."

Caline Bustier watches the commotion, unsure what to do.

She was sure the intrigue in the class would calm down over time, but it had only gotten worse. Worsened to the point that the Dupain-Cheng threatened to sue the school and report to the council, as no one seemed to see the toxic situation that became the classroom.

They were being dark days for Dupont. For Caline

All were under investigation. Mostly her, since she was the one that suffered the most accusations not only from Marinette's family, but also from Max, Kim and Sabrina as well. This trip had been an excuse for everyone - her - to get away from Paris and the rabbit hole they had gotten into.

A man dressed all in black - button-down shirt, slim-fit pants and oxfords - with styled hair appeared with the driver.

Caline guessed it was Richard Grayson, the guide they had informed her.

He smiled at her and held out his hand to greet.

"Good morning, I'm Richard Grayson." She squeezes the offered hand, feeling her cheeks heat up.

She could be a teacher, but she wasn't dead.

“Good morning, Richard. I'm Caline Bustier, the teacher.” She drops his hand, kind of disappointed to have to.

Ms. Bustier turns to the class and catches everyone's attention. She watches the Latina woman kiss Marinette's cheek and leave the building. The security guard waving respectfully at her.

“Guys, please.” And their attention turns to her.

Marinette's group still distracted by something the girl said.

"Good morning, Dupont." The man says. "My name is Richard and I will be your guide on this field trip."

The class cheers up again and Marinette turns her head so fast that Chloe is sure she heard the bone crack.

"DICK!"

The whole class chokes. Lila takes the opportunity to make a scene.

“Oh my god, Marinette! Have a little decency.” She whines shrilly. “Apologize to Richard right now or I will make arrangements.”

Dick raises an eyebrow at the Italian.

“Now there is no need-”

“There is a need, Mr. Grayson.” Lila cuts off the man. “She's being disrespectful to you and as I am the most influential person around, I must place order.

Alix and Sabrina snort, hands over their mouths trying to hide their laughter. Chloe doesn't care about hiding. Kim and Max were obviously filming. Adrien had such a big smile on his face that Dick knew it must be hurting.

Marinette was frozen. He knew that expression.

"... not necessary, Miss." He says again. Already losing patience with the girl. “Minette didn't disrespect me. She just called me by my nickname.”

Lila looks like she's just been slapped. Bewildered.

"The what?"

“Do you know Marinette?” Alya asks, her nose twitching with the scent of an exclusive.

Dick tilts his head, his arms crossed and a teasing smile on his mouth.

"Of course. She is my sister in law."

... What?

Adrien was right. That day would be interesting.

×××

"This is where Wayne Technologies starts." Dick says, pointing to the floor where the elevator stopped. “You'll see our specialists at work, so avoid distracting them.”

The class walked the floor marveling at the technology and the scientists at work.

Adrien was practically drooling next to Max.

"Dude, close your mouth." Alix jokes.

The boy's cheek burned in embarrassment and he closed his mouth in a loud snap. The hand rubbed his face just to make sure there was no drool.

Marinette laughed at her friend, but stopped abruptly as she watched the red tuft of hair in one of the tech rooms. That was when she remembered that she had promised Adrien to introduce him to one of the smartest people she had ever met. And a physics freak like him.

She takes the boy's wrist and drags him away from where Dick was leading them all.

“Come, Adrien. I want you to meet someone!”

“Wait-Don’t you need authorization-” He doesn't finish, as Marinette puts her palm on the hi-tech lock and the light flashes green before the door opens. "Oh."

The brunette pulls him into the room until she comes across a woman, not much older than 30, who was fiddling with a metal plate.

"Carmen." She calls and the woman looks at her, a lively smile appearing on her face.

“Mari! How long!” She gets up and gives the girl a quick hug.

“Yes, yes!” They laugh. “Remember I commented on a friend of mine who was a physics nerd?”

Adrien protests softly. He wasn't a nerd... just very passionate.

Carmen looks away at the boy and he nods shyly.

"I suppose this is the physics nerd?"

"Himself. Adrien Agreste.” Marinette replies. “Adrien, this is Carmen Leonhart, WI's head of technology research.”

As they begin to talk about numbers, statistics and many other things Marinette didn't care to know, she turns around, ready to leave the room.

Just to face the whole class, Ms. Bustier, her friends and Dick, standing in the doorway. Dick with the biggest fucking smile on his face.

"... what?" She asks. Confused with the audience.

Chloe gives a mocking smile.

"I didn't know you were allowed into these rooms, Dupain-Cheng."

Marinette realizes what she has just done and the embarrassment only gets worse.

She had been so excited to introduce Adrien and Carmen to each other that she had not thought about what she was doing in front of her classmates. Sure, she had promised not to hide her relationship with the Wayne family, but that didn't mean she liked to show off like this.

Lila doesn't seem to like the attention Marinette was getting at all. Her face in a sour frown and the fists clenched.

She sent Marinette a warning look before masking her dislike with a sweet expression.

“Oh, that's no big deal.” She says waving her hands in disdain. “I asked Brucie to authorize our class. He was generous enough to include Marinette on this list.” The scorn barely masked by the disinterested tone.

The class seems to take this as truth (as always) as Nino puts his hand on the girl's shoulder. A proud expression on his face.

“Thanks so much for all this, dude.” He says. “You didn't have to go that far for us.” And the class agrees. Raining compliments on the Italian.

Chloe doesn't disguise the grimace and Alix rolls her eyes so violently that for a moment, Max fears she was injured.

The class leaves the room, following Lila like sheep being herded, leaving the group of friends and Dick behind. Ms. Bustier didn't take long to leave either, which left them finally alone.

"Ok... Now where is my hug, Minette?" He turns to the girl and she runs to hug him. "Much better."

Marinette laughs, the hug lasting a few more seconds before they let go. Dick turns to the other five - Adrien and Carmen too distracted by whatever it was - and extended his hand in greeting one by one.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person."

"The same." Sabrina smiles.

“Now we have to go. There are a few more things to see and a surprise.” He winks at Marinette and the girl feels the danger in that expression.

One thing Marinette was sure of: There was no anxiety to know what this surprise was about.

Anyway, getting Adrien out of the room had been difficult because the blonde didn't want to leave. Carmen had to promise that she would give him a free pass so he could visit her while the trip to Gotham lasted.

The friends had no doubt that the blonde would live in the building and never leave the scientist alone.

Going on.

The rest of the tour had been less dramatic around Lila and her minions. Of course, she continued to lie about everything. How Bruce Wayne and his wife Selena loved her; the fact that Ricardo Wayne - the eldest son - had died in an attack on Wayne Mansion by the feared villain, Clown; that Jackson - the middle child - was an award-winning scientist; Thomas was unfortunately an addict, but Bruce tried with all his might to rehabilitate; and finally, that Damian was an angel in love with her, very sweet and romantic.

Marinette never thought she would have trouble controlling herself, but it was hard not to laugh at the Dick’s expressions and her friends laughing openly.

But apart from The Tales of Lila, the class left them alone.

As they passed the corridors of WI, Mari was being recognized by the staff and she made a point of introducing her group of friends excitedly. That didn't include the rest of the class and Lila, of course, could make some excuse for them.

Honestly, Marinette was surprised that no one showed distrust in the Italian. It was obvious she was lying.

But that didn't last long. Someday the lies would have to be revealed, and apparently that was the day.

They took a break to eat in the cafeteria.

Dick had gone out with Ms. Bustier to talk somewhere which, in Marinette's opinion, would not be a very good conversation. Or happy.

Adrien, Sabrina and Mari with a classic burger and fries; Max settled for a fettuccine; Kim, Chloe and Alix got pizza (not very healthy, but one day just wouldn't hurt). They were seated at a table separate from the rest of the class, but close enough to hear a word or two.

Marinette was chewing on her burger lazily while her friends talked when Jason Todd and Timothy Drake showed up. Both with expressions that said everything but good intentions.

"Oh my god." She whispered; the eyes wide. The cheeks full of food.

They scanned the cafeteria, probably looking for Marinette, and when they turned toward her, Mari used Adrien's height as a shield. Trying to keep them from seeing her. Which didn't work, since Adrien was shaking (laughing) and the conversation at the neighboring table (her class) had been cut short.

“Why are you hiding, Maribug?” Jason asks, his voice malicious.

Marinette sighs before surrendering to her destiny.

She stepped out from behind Adrien, face was red.

The girl swallowed the food.

“Hi Jay. Tim.” A smile appears on her face despite the embarrassment.

Tim raises an eyebrow at her, clearly amused. Jason doesn't disguise the shitty smile growing on his face.

"She hid, but at least she didn't pretend not to know us." Tim points out.

Marinette rolls her eyes, the shame already forgotten.

"I don't break my promises." She says.

She pushes Adrien aside to make room and points them both.

"Sit down and introduce yourself to those you didn't know yet."

They waste no time quickly pulling two chairs off an unoccupied table and placing them in the open place. As they sit down, Jason throws his arm around Marinette's shoulders in a hug.

“We miss you, Nette.” He says. “Demon spawn has been unbearably unbearable.”

She elbows his ribs for talking about Damian and he groans in pain.

"Even though you're a pain in the ass, I missed you too, Jay." Marinette laughs at the offended face he made, before squirming so she can look at Timothy. "And you too, Timmy."

Tim winks at her before turning to the rest of the table. The family (but Selina, since she spent more time traveling than at home) already knew Adrien, Kim and Chloe from past visits, but this was the first time they had met the other three: Sabrina, Max and Alix.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Timothy Drake, Damian's brother.” He reaches out first for Sabrina to shake, then Alix and lastly Max, who narrowed his eyes defiantly and squeezed his hand a little harder than usual.

Tim knew that the boy had a certain rivalry against him over the puzzle. Which was good, since he enjoyed a good and healthy competition.

Jason throws his idle hand on the table, startling the others.

“I'm Jason Todd. The best boy.” He says excitedly. “Nette's favorite!”

Chloe seems to be offended by the man's words.

"I doubt it." Sneers. "Everyone knows I'm her favorite."

Adrien chokes around a fry.

"Now, we know I'm the favorite." He chews loudly.

It was kind of gross, being honest.

"Oh, shut up, Agreste!" Alix throws a potato at the boy. “It is common knowledge that I am everyone's favorite.”

The boy looks scandalized at her, but doesn't take long to throw the fry back at her in revenge. Alix dodges and the food ends up hitting Kim in the forehead.

He narrows the eyes irritably, Tim and Jason laughing, Marinette wanting nothing more than to go back to her hotel bed and sleep 12 hours straight.

Damian chose that moment to appear with Titus and Dick. And as much as Marinette was happy to see him, this was the worst moment ever.

She knew her friends. Knew well enough to know that the cafeteria had become a war zone and that they would be bombed at any moment.

As soon as he opened his mouth to greet her, Kim got up ready to pounce, but before he could, Titus ran and jumped on Marinette. Almost making the girl bang her head against the table by his strength and weight.

There was a general panic at their class table, probably afraid of the dog, but she ignored everything in favor of giving all the attention and love Titus deserved. Because he was the best boy, not Jason, thank you very much.

"Who's the handsome boy, huh?!" She pampers the dog excitedly, which licks her face. "I missed you too." His tail looked like a whip.

Tim and Jason turn to the brothers.

"Yo, Dick." Jason nods lazily.

"Demon spawn." Tim says.

Damian frowns in annoyance, but doesn't respond to Timothy's provocation. The attention fully turned to Marinette with Titus. Dick waves back.

"What are you guys doing here?" He asks.

"We came with father and Cass." Tim replies.

Marinette jumps at the conversation.

“Are your father and sister here?” She shouts.

God! She was not prepared to handle all Wayne and the class at the same time.

"Duke too." Jason adds.

Marinette moans in pain and buries her face in Titus's soft fur. She would not come back alive to the hotel or Paris.

Damian approaches the girl, ignoring the prying eyes of her class. From what he managed to find out (both from Marinette's friends and what he investigated) if he had to interact with any of them, the no-kill rule would probably have to be broken.

"Angel." He calls, crouching in front of her and placing his hands on hers in Titus.

Marinette looks up to look at him.

"Hey, Dami."

She stretches over the dog (who was calm, almost asleep in her arms) and kisses Damian's lips tenderly.

"I missed you. Too much.” She whispers against his lips before pulling away.

"Me too." Damian answers and pecks her lips. "And-"

"Marinette, aren't you going to introduce us to your boyfriend?"

Alya's voice scares Marinette, who jumps away from Damian and Titus. Which makes both Wayne and the dog growl in irritation.

He gets up and Marinette follows him. Her friends comfortable in their seats, Dick standing (without Ms. Bustier) and the class waiting for an answer.

She sighs and turns to face the class. Damian was firm by her side and she also knew her friends would be supporting her.

Alya had her arms crossed. The rest of the class was not much different and Lila's expression soured, since everyone's attention was solely on Marinette.

"This is D-"

"Mari!!!" A shriek interrupts the girl.

They all turn to the source of the voice, only to find Bruce Wayne, a black man and an Asian girl running toward them. More specifically towards Marinette.

The little girl's hair was black, combed into familiar pigtails. She was wearing a red, black polka dot dress, with a black bow around her waist. On the feet were ballet shoes.

She jumped into Marinette's arms, which squeezes her into a warm hug, grinning.

"Hey, young lady." The little girl squeaks as Marinette kisses her cheek.

They watch the brunette put the girl down and start a... peculiar conversation. Where the child signed and Marinette responded verbally.

"You're so cool, Cass!" Kim compliments excitedly, apparently understanding what the girl was talking about. She smiles proudly at the compliment.

They (Marinette and co) continue to talk to the little girl while most of the class remain stunned by Bruce Wayne's presence.

Alya jumps excitedly and looks at Lila.

"Girl!" She practically screams "Did you get Bruce Wayne to meet us?!"

The Italian loses at least half the blood on her face. Increasingly pale with the situation. Her lips were almost sickly and her eyes wide. She swallows hard before letting out a clumsy laugh.

“Y-yea… very kind of him!” The voice comes out weak even to her ears. “B-but let's not disturb his conversation. You know how important he is.” Mumbles.

Lila's hands were shaking. She needed to get out of there, needed a plan urgently.

Alya's excitement diminished, taking Lila's words into consideration, but she kept staring at the men, holding back not to scream.

“Guys, I'm not feeling-”

“Papa, Duke!” Cass shouts again, the dog barking along and Bruce Wayne, with the other man, looks at her. “Mari!” She points at Marinette, jumping and twirling her dress.

Both Bruce and Duke(?) smiled before approaching them and Lila panics. Everything could go wrong at any time!

She turned to the class, making the most innocent expression and trying her best not to let despair overtake her body.

“Guys, please, I'll pretend I don't know him so as not to attract unwanted attention from the staff.” She whispers. “It's something we always do when we're around strangers, so don't be scared.” No one noticed Timothy's disgusted look toward them.

"Stay calm. We get it.” Nino soothes her, the class nodding in agreement.

She sighs with relief, having managed to avert a catastrophe.

"Good afternoon, Dupont." Bruce greets, the serious stance of a businessman. "I'm Bruce Wayne and this-" He points to the other man. "It's my protégé, Duke Thomas."

Duke nods in acknowledgment, then soon mutters something in Richard's ear, laughing at the other's disgusted expression. He made no attempt to approach the class to introduce himself.

Nathaniel felt that what has been said to the guide, was not something minimally pleasant. He felt that the class was the subject of comment and did not like it at all.

Rose, being the most outgoing, reaches out to greet Bruce Wayne.

“It's a pleasure, Mr. Wayne. It's a dream to be here!” She says. “We were very lucky to get this trip.” And tilts her head to wink at Lila, who smiles secretly.

He shakes her hand and waves seriously, pretending not to see the exchange between them. When they release their hands, Bruce turns to Marinette, a soft look on his face.

"Hello, Maribeetle." His tone softened before smiling.

"Hi, Dad." The obvious laugh on her face.

There are choking sounds, but neither pay attention.

She doesn't wait for him to say anything more before she comes closer and hugs him. He returns the hug, making the girl disappear into his arms and kisses her forehead.

"I see you had a welcome committee." He raised an eyebrow, looking his sons.

Dick is the only one who looks minimally embarrassed, while the other three (Jason, Tim and Damian) pretended the issue wasn't with them, looking around.

The class (without Ms. Bustier, who was missing) frozen in shock. Lila was about to pass out. She could hardly believe what was happening.

"Hey, Mr. B." Adrien nods.

"Bruce, what's up!" Kim says.

"Hello, Mr. Wayne." Sabrina greets.

“Wow, B! You look soft.” Alix teases.

"By my calculations, Alix is right, Mr. B." Max straightens his glasses. "You've lost some muscle."

“Congratulations on the adoption. Cassandra is a sweetie.” Chloe says.

Bruce snorts and releases Marinette, who bends down to take Cass in her arms again.

The boys not even trying to hide their laughter. He could see the tears in Jason's eyes, Tim was bent over Dick while they both laughed, Damian had the hand over his mouth hiding a smile and Cassandra imitated the two older ones.

Duke bit his lip trying to contain himself.

"It's good to see you again." Bruce says, hands firmly on Marinette's shoulders. "I remember the last time, Adrien and Jason got into a fight with the police and were almost arrested."

Adrien feels his cheeks heat up and Jason stops laughing, feeling attacked.

"I really thought it was a fantasy." The blonde mutters.

The class begins to whisper, clear confusion on their faces.

Alya was choking on surprise; Nino looking at Adrien as if the boy had grown two heads; Rose had retreated to Juleka's side, not liking the situation and Juleka was the same; Nathaniel bit his thumb uncomfortably; Mylene and Ivan looking lost; and Lila... Lila could see her world crumbling slowly and with frightening rapidity.

The dog barks once more, waking Alya from her mental confusion.

She swallows hard, her throat aching from the action.

“What's going on?” She asks, her voice breaking through the dryness in her throat.

Everyone stares at her. The confused Wayne family, Marinette and friends with the neutral face and Duke... Duke was fiddling with his cell phone.

“Why do you know Bruce Wayne? Why did Marinette call him ‘dad’? What's up with everyone greeting her and who is this boy she kissed?” She looks straight at the girl, her eyes accusing.

Damian frowns at her, his fist clenched, ready to say something that Marinette or his father probably wouldn't approve of, but Bruce stops him.

"What don't you understand yet, Ms. Cesárie?" The question was blunt. "I think if Marinette was kissing Damian, that means the two are together."

Alya gets annoyed with the answer.

"And why did she call you ‘Dad’?"

Chloe sneers in the background. Alix rolls her eyes, Adrien tilts her head, Kim swears under his breath, Max stares in disbelief and Sabrina was busy talking to Timothy.

"They can't be so dumb, can they?"

Jason's attempt to whisper didn't work, as everyone listened to what he said.

Alya's cheeks burn with humiliation.

“That's a fair question!” Nino goes to his girlfriend's defense and Damian rolls the eyes sarcasticallyy.

"Answering your question, Ms. Cesárie, Marinette calls me that because she's engaged to my son." Bruce says. "My son Damian." He adds as he notices the confusion.

Lila sucks air between her teeth. Panic rushing through her body.

“But…” Mylene looks at Lila. “Damian Wayne isn't dating Lila?” She asks.

The Italian freezes when everyone looks at her.

“Lila? What Lila?” Damian asks venomously. "I don't know anyone by that name."

Alya grit her teeth. The anger clear in his expression.

“How not? She grew up with you in the mansion. Bruce Wayne practically adopted her!” She shouts. "Explain it to me!"

“Wow! This is kind of impossible, since demon spawn came to live with us only after he turned ten.” Timothy says.

Alya feels a dizziness start in her muscles.

"But Lila said that..." She mumbles. “She said Selena Kim, Bruce's wife, was her aunt. That you were a family!” Exclaims exalted.

“Look, I'm sorry you and your friends were fooled, but that's the truth: We don't know her. Selina Kyle has no nieces, Jason is not an award-winning scientist, Timothy is not an addict, Damian is anything but a sweetie. And the main thing is, I didn't die and the Joker never attacked Wayne Mansion.” Dick ends a little breathlessly.

The class is at varying levels of shock. No one daring to say anything, Lila wondering how to get out of that mess and beside her, Alya looked like she'd been slapped.

Marinette wanted to feel sorry for her classmates, but failed. She had tried, so had her friends, but no one would listen.

"So, you mean everything was a lie?" Nino asks. A dangerous edge in his tone.

Lila shudders, moving away from the class and almost falling in the process. She was afraid she wouldn't lie about that, but the class had a murderous expression in her direction.

“N-no! Of course not!” Babbles. "Can't you see this is Marinette's plan to make me look bad?!" She points to the girl, who was playing with Cassandra and Titus, no longer paying attention to the drama.

The class seems to believe at least a little, as they turn to the girl, probably to fight.

Adrien, Alix, Kim and Damian form a human barrier to stop them. The look on Adrien's face was no less deadly than Damian's.

"Don't even try." Adrien says. “I'm sick of you. Mostly from you, Alya.” He looks at her. “You can be worse than Lila and her lies. I thought you were smart enough to figure it all out, but it seems I was wrong.”

The girl's eyes was wet with tears, but she kept her posture steady, noting that her friends were no better off.

“You only say that because Lila didn't want you!” She screams. "You who can be worse than Marinette, Agreste!"

Sabrina and Chloe chokes before bursting out laughing. Max and Kim not far behind.

"Oh my god!" Sabrina moans "Is that what she said?" She sighs trying to control herself but failed and laughed again.

"That's the most hilarious thing I've ever heard!" Chloe says, wiping her eyes.

Nino is offended on behalf of Alya.

"What?" He asks.

Adrien feels his cheeks burn because he didn't want everyone to know, but if it was to help Mari, he would do that.

"Mm..." He begins. "I've been dating someone since the first year."

Lila looks shocked. More than their classmates.

“What?!” She shouts, forgetting the situation she was in.

The blonde scratches his head uncomfortably.

"Did you finally surrender to Chloe?" Ivan asks.

Both Adrien and Chloe made a face of disgust.

"Ew, no!" Chloe protested. "I'm fine and happy with Kagami."

“So, who is it?” Lila demands. "Who are you dating, Adrien?"

"Me!" Someone says.

And everyone turned to look.

Was a tall, well-built young man. Hair was black and messy; the eyes were incredibly blue. He was wearing torn jeans, a red vans, black Star Wars shirt and prescription glasses.

He was behind Bruce, probably coming in during the mess.

“God damn it, this became an event and I didn't know?” Duke whispers to Bruce, but the man doesn't respond.

"What the fuck are you doing here Ken-"

“Jon!” Adrien cuts off Damian and runs to Jonathan, who picks him up.

They kiss passionately and Marinette puts her hands in Cassandra's eyes, trying to protect the little girl's innocence. The group of friends moan in disgust. The Wayne family too.

"OK! I think everyone already understands.” Marinette says. “Now let go. Cass is here too!”

"That was horrible." Max mumbles.

Adrien releases the boy, his face red. Redder than Ladybug's uniform. And the other boy smiled, not at all embarrassed.

“Are you gay?!” Lila asks, the accusative tone clear in her voice.

"What-"

"I can't believe I did this all because of a fa*got!" She snarls, venom dripping from her words. “You owe me three years of my life, Agreste!”

There is a shocked silence from everyone. Even from Marinette and friends. They didn't think Lila could be so rotten and ugly inside.

Marinette puts Cassandra on Damian's arms and walks slowly to the Italian. She seemed to be marching to war.

"What the hell did you say?" The voice came out dangerous.

"What? That he's a fag—” A slap popped on the girl's cheek before she could finish.

The force of the blow caused her to become unbalanced and fall to the floor.

They all walked away giving them both space.

"I dare you to repeat that."

She approaches once more, but Damian stops her. Cassandra in Dick's arms.

"Don't do anything you'll regret later, angel." He whispers and she sighs, moving away from the Italian on the floor. “Drake, do something useful as a CEO and call security. I want this person out of here as soon as possible.”

“You'll pay for it, Marinette Dupain-Cheng!” Lila growls, the hand gripping her bruised cheek. "If you think you're going to get rid of it, you're very wrong!"

Bruce, who remained quiet, bent down to pull the girl by the arm. Fed up with all the drama.

"Enough!" He says. “Ms. Rossi you will do nothing. Otherwise, I will be required to report you.”

Lila snorts offended and tries to release her arm from his grasp.

“Do you really think that just because you have money, will you get away with it?” She attacks, the eyes wide and crazy. “I have diplomatic immunity! You just became complicit with this disgusting muso giallo*!”

Marinette notices Bruce's knuckles go white from the grip and decides to separate the two.

“Dad, please let her go.” She grabs his arm, stepping between Lila and Bruce. "If you keep going, it might be worse later." But he doesn't even blink. Lila begins to moan in pain.

Five security guards enter the cafeteria, all huge and serious.

“Father, the security mans are here. You can let her go.” Damian puts his hand on the man's shoulder and only then does he move again, releasing the Italian's arm.

She drops to the floor, crying while holding her arm.

"I'm sorry, I blacked out for a second there." Bruce sighs, patting his head.

Marinette hugs the man, comforting him. She knew he had some problems after years of fighting crime, especially fighting the Joker. Sometimes he was a little more blunt and rude, unaware of it. It was sad for her to see him in this state.

But unfortunately, it was a side effect of having to save the world every time.

"Mr. Wayne, we were asked." One of the security guards says. "Who would be the person to be escorted?"

Timothy points to Lila who was still on the floor, but this time Alya was by her side, helping her.

"She." Answer. "The sausage hair."

The security guards do not hesitate to pull Lila away from Alya, dragging the Italian out when she strained and stood still.

"HEY! Let me go!” She leaves screaming. WI employees don't even look twice at the scene, seeming used to it.

"You can't do this to her!" Alya complains. "Where is Ms. Bustier?!"

“We can and are doing it. It amazes me that you're defending her after finding out that besides being a liar and a racist, she's homophobic.” Jason says, no humor in his tone. "And your teacher is already on a plane to Paris."

The whole class chokes on surprise. The whole class.

“What?!” Adrien shouts and Titus cries at the loud noise. He quickly caresses the dog, apologizing. "Sorry buddy." Jon smiles, in love with the blonde.

“She had to go back to Paris for an audience with the minister of education.” Tim replies. “She and Dupont's principal have been charged with negligence and cover-up. If they are found guilty, both will face the law “

"And they'll be fired." Damian adds. The morbid pleasure shining in his eyes.

"But why? She did nothing!” Rose complains. Her face was red from crying.

“Exactly, Tinker Bell. She did nothing.” Duke says. “She saw bullying, witnessed it and never did anything to help or try to stop. She just threw all the responsibility on one person thinking she was making the choice of the year.”

"And what does the principal have to do with it?" Nino asks. He was the only one who seemed to have understood the gravity of the situation, but was slow to believe.

“Dupont's principal has been a coward for a long time. He left a lot behind the scenes because he didn't want problems with people bigger than him and that was his mistake.” Bruce replies.

Everyone in the class is silent for a while. Each in their own thoughts, digesting everything that had happened. Meanwhile, Marinette and her friends were talking animatedly to Jonathan, who had his arms around Adrien like a koala.

“So… did Lila really lie to us all this time?” Mylene asks, her voice barely coming out.

"Unfortunately, Ms. Haprèle." Bruce says. The solemn face.

Nathaniel puts the hands to his mouth, the eyes wide with dread and everyone looks at him.

“I-I didn't send my portfolio to the university I wanted to get into because Lila had promised me an interview with a famous comic book author!”

And there is a mass reaction of the same kind.

Apparently, Lila had promised to help them in their careers, with their supposed connections in high places. Which now, they saw how fake it had been, since Lila had promised to introduce Nino to Steven Spielberg since Dupont's sophomore year, but it was years and she always made an excuse for not having happened yet.

Alya fell to her knees, devastated.

"T-that's why they turned me down." She says tearfully. “They said they couldn't accept someone who published gossip and lies, but I never understood what they meant. Until now. "

Marinette felt bad for them. She didn't think Lila had clenched her claws so deeply that it would damage their future. She knew Alya would have complications to be taken seriously, but she didn't think it would be to the point of refusing her university entrance.

"I-" Alya mumbles and looks up at Marinette. "Mari."

Marinette shakes her head.

“No.” She says. “I'm so sorry for you guys. Really. I hope you can follow your dream, but I don't want your apologies.”

“But-” Juleka protests.

“I spent years being trampled and scorned by you because someone you barely knew accused me of bullying and being a jealous bitch. I will not accept your apologies. I'm glad you finally opened your eyes, but that's all.”

“Are you going to throw years of friendship in the trash just to punish us?” Nino attacks.

“What friendship?” Marinette says. “All I remember about this supposed friendship, is to do everything for you and you not repaying even 1% of it.”

"You forgave Chloe after all she did, so why not us?" Nathaniel points out.

“Because she was honest with me. Because she sought help. Because she got better and was genuine for it.”

"And we're not?" Rose whimpers.

"No. You're apologizing because you saw your golden ticket was false.” Growls and everyone shuts up.

They shut up because she was right. They were not genuinely sorry for what they did. They didn't feel guilty about it because it was Lila's fault! Only hers. She deceived them, she who lied. Not them. So why feel guilty about something they didn't do?

But they were guilty. Lila only gave the wick, but they came with the lighter, set it on fire and sat down to watch the candle melt. She didn't force them. They did it willingly and with unprecedented excitement.

"I think we're done for today." Bruce Wayne interrupts the moment. "They'd better be taken back to the hotel." He was talking to Duke, who quickly put the phone to his ear and spoke to someone.

"Come on, I'll take you back to the bus." Dick says, helping Alya to her feet.

The class begins to move, following him out of the cafeteria, but they notice the absence of the others.

"Mr. Grayson, aren't Marinette and the others coming too?” Ivan asks.

Dick glances over his shoulder before looking forward again.

"No. They will stay with the family for the rest of the trip.”

Because Bruce Wayne was so protective of those he loved and Dick doubted he would let Lila Rossi get close to Marinette again. Not when he had the power and influence to prevent it.

But then he would have to face Damian in the witch hunt. Dick was sure the young man already had at least two plans underway. One fatal and one less fatal.

Because that was how their family was.

And Lila Rossi was nothing more than a gum stuck in the sole of their shoe.

EXTRA 1:

"Okay, whose idea was it to bring everyone to WI?" Marinette questions idly.

"Dick." Damian replies without bothering to toss his brother under the bus.

“DAMIAN!” The eldest complains.

"What? I'd rather you angry than Marinette.”

"Okay, fair." Dick sighs. “But the idea was not mine. I just passed it on.”

Marinette raises her eyebrow, demanding.

"And who did?"

"Tikki."

"WHAT?! I'LL KILL TIKKI!” Marinette shouts and everyone runs away from her fury.

×××

In Paris, more precisely in the box of the Miraculous, the kwami of creation stops playing with others to sneeze.

"Wow, I think I'm getting sick."

"Or maybe someone is talking about you." Mullo answers.

“But who-” She widens her eyes in panic.

Plagg begins to laugh wildly.

“Looks like we'll have kwami barbecue soon.”

“PLAGG!”

×××

They didn't have kwami barbecue, but it was pretty close.

EXTRA 2:

"Do you think she would have gone crazy right there if I said you're not my only boyfriend?" Adrien asks.

"... It would have been awesome!" Jonathan responds dreamily.

"Can you pay attention to me? I'm feeling left out." Luka complains.

"Sorry sweetie!" Jonathan smiles.

Adrien thinks he wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. Not even if his lady showed up asking him in marriage.

... Which would not be a bad image. The four together.

×××

Probably Damian would kill him if he accepted.

×××

But still a good image.

[glossary]

Muso giallo – literally "yellow muzzle". It is an offensive term used to refer to Chinese people, sometimes to Asian in general, with intent to point out their yellowish complexion as an indication of racial inferiority. The use of the word "muzzle" is in order not to consider them humans, but animals.

I searched for racial slurs, but I was so pissed off at what I found that I needed to scream at the pillow.

[tag list]

@spicybelladonna​ @mystery-5-5​ @captainmac6​  @theatreandcomicfreak  @politelyvicious  @thepeacetea  @violatiger8  @vixen-uchiha  @officiallyathiana  @beautym3  @slytherin-heartthrob  @bluerosette23   @g-arya  @sassdowflame  @sunkenshipsanddreams @magicalfirebird @miraculous786  @emjrabbitwolf 

[welcome-to-the-gay-bar]

So I we started to watch Attack on Titan again after many years and I’ve just finished season two and before starting season three I wanted to take a trip down memory lane and look at all my old favourite AOT fan fictions from 2014 (and see what’s popular nowadays that I may have missed, since wow, a lot has changed since I was last present in this fandom and compared to what’s happening in the current episodes season one was tame).

I’ve noticed a huge divide between fanon and canon and I kinda wanted to ruminate on this a bit.

Eren’s character in the show isn’t my favourite. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still fond of this brash idiot, but he’ll never be my favourite. He falls into this shonen protagonist trope of being hot headed and ill tempered. He doesn’t take advice, he’s not going to listen to plans or authority, he always thinks he’s right and only follows his moral compass, and to tie it all up he’s not even that strong. He can’t back up the threats that he’s laying down and yet he always rushes into situations with fists flying and never thanks or appreciates the characters (Mikasa) that get him out of those tricky situations. The only way to get through to him is to physically beat him down and even then it may not work if he hadn’t already somewhat respected you (Mikasa again). This character type is seen so often in shonen and I’m really not a fan, I like the cool and calculating protagonist better. Someone who has the power behind their threats and doesn’t rush into situations. Again, I like Eren, but I think it’s the other characters in the show that balance him out and the plot itself that makes me like Attack on Titan.

Compare this to fanon where his default character is happy ray of sunshine who’s a little bit naive. It’s a rather jarring comparison but I also don’t necessarily dislike it either. To me canon and fanon characteristics are almost completely seperate. If I had to always think a d compare fan fiction to canon I probably couldn’t read it. I read about happy fanon Eren and see canon angry Eren and to me they are two completely different characters - two completely different people even. If I had to read fan fiction about canon Eren I can 1000000% say that I just wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I’d be totally bored. As I said before, I like Eren but it’s the people around him and the plot itself that makes him bearable. I can watch a show about him because it takes less time and emotional energy, but I couldn’t invest in reading a book about him (which is why I haven’t read the manga either).

This isn’t even exclusively towards Attack on Titan. Back in my Teen Wolf phase I noticed how different canon and fanon characters were. Small secret - I was knee deep in the Teen Wolf fandom before I realised that I hadn’t actually watched an episode of Teen Wolf. One of my mutual’s reblogged TW artwork that was linked to a story and from that I never looked back. When I actually did get around to watching TW I can honestly say I was more than a wee bit disillusioned. Derek and Stiles are obviously not the main characters and I was prepared for that, but then they barely interacted, and when they did interact it was nothing like what I had read about - nothing like what their fanon characters or interactions were like. I can honestly say that I never made it past the first season - the show just wasn’t for me - but I was still thoroughly invested in the fandom for another year or two.

Something about fanon Sterek dynamics just did it for me, their characters and relationship was just so on point for what I wanted, and this is kind of when I came to accept that canon and fanon can be so different that it almost feels as if it’s two pieces of completely different media. I mean, fanon has its own set of rules, it’s own character tropes and story arcs that even completely different authors with completely different stories somewhat instinctively know to follow. I think that’s amazing, but it’s also a double edged sword. See these first two examples were of shows that I A) never watched/finished before reading fan fiction, B) don’t necessarily love love the characters in canon. That means that fanon is more appealing because it takes something I don’t care too strongly for and changes it to something more appealing. But what about when fanon takes something I love and cherish and remoulds it?

I want to briefly take this time to talk about something I’ve dubbed “the twink affect”. When you take a character that’s originally strong willed, self sufficient, and somewhat masculine and you pair the, up with someone EVEN MORE strong willed, self sufficient, and masculine - the “Alpha male” of characters if you will. I find that fanon is incapable of seeing two strong men together in a relationship and will eventually slowly twinkify one of them. Make them smaller, softer, lonelier, less self sufficient and more reliant on others, they need to be taken care of, they’re now a ball of sunshine that’s radiant and joyful, they’re cotton candy that melts on your tongue. You put them next to the pairing you ship them with and instead of seeing two strong men you see a bear and a twink. That’s definitely what’s happened to the two characters/pairings mentioned before and I honestly didn’t mind because I wasn’t protective of the source material, but when it does happen to a character I love it’s the most frustrating thing in the world, and I can’t even complain because I’ve already reaped the benefits from other fandoms. (I am going to complain though, this is my blog and I can do what I want mum.)

I’m going to talk about Mo Dao Zu Shi. Beautiful story that I love in (almost) all its various adaptations, but I’ve noticed the ever slow changing of fanon’s Wei Wuxian. For anyone reading this that hasn’t read MDZS (or if anyone’s reading this at all, I am expecting to just be shouting into the void at this point) Wei Wuxian dies - not a spoiler, it happens at the very beginning of the story - and comes back to life in the body of Mo Xuanyu. Mo Xuanyu is small malnourished and twinky - he even canonically wears makeup (or at least has it in his possession, I’m getting the various adaptations confused and I can’t remember if in canon Wei Wuxian woke up in Mo Xuanyu’s body already wearing the makeup or if he just finds the tin of makeup in Mo Xuanyu’s possessions). Wei Wuxian’s character is also a bit of a tease, and now he’s alive and unburdened by the past he’s much freer now than he was in the past, couple that with the fact that he’s pretending to be Mo Xuanyu (a character who is rumoured to be gay and also a bit insane) he goes all out in pretending to be a shameless flirt, and it’s honestly hilarious, I love his character. So in a sense he has all the makings of a canon twink and I’m really not here to shame on those who portray him that way while he’s in Mo Xuanyu’s body.

My personal issue is with the same extreme twink portrayal while he’s in his original body. In his original body Wei Wuxian is BUFF. He’s hunky, he’s in the top five most eligible bachelors, he’s *car honks* woof woof bark bark *whistles* puurrrr, he’s one of the most powerful cultivators of his generation, he’s a genius too. He’s hunky. He still has the cheeky shameless character, but when you compare him to the male lead Lan Wangji, they’re about the same size and strength. My favourite type of fan fiction in MDZS is fix it/everybody lives nobody dies/no war/etc etc. Basically stories where Wei Wuxian keeps his original body. The fanon twink portrayal of him being so small and soft and weak while in canon he’s one of the strongest and smartest urks me in ways I can’t explain. It’s not what I want, not what I’m looking for. I love him for who he is in canon and to see his character so distorted by fans of the original work is frustrating. I just want to read about Wei Wuxian as a jock with his equally buff and tall nerd boyfriend.

I want to pause here and say that I have nothing against authors that write him in a twinky way, I respect your work and your characters (and as I said before I’ve reaped the benefits of other fandoms twinky character portrayals numerous times), if I read a fic that I’m not happy with the characterisation I just close the tab and move on so absolutely no hate to anyone who enjoys this character type. I’m just ruminating on the fact that I’ve been seeing it happen more and more often lately to the point where I’ve kind of bounced the fandom and am sticking to other works like Scum Villain that haven’t yet twinkified too much (there will always be one or two stories in every fandom that twinkify and honestly? I respect that. Authors said twink rights ONLY, good for them).

Mo Dao Zu Shi isn’t the only fandom I’ve been in that I’ve negatively reacted to fanon. Another one would be Batman (I love Tim with all my heart and I love him getting treated nicely but damn I sometimes wish people would remember how freaking strong and amazing he is too), 2Ha is another I’ve started to see “twinkified” (although I don’t mind seeing Chu Wanning being soft and taken care of, he is canonically called handsome and masculine and he’s quite tall too), I’ve even seen the canonically “top” character (and that seems so weird to write oml) be twinkified by fandom because they want to see him get bottomed for ~equal rights~ because apparently bottoming is seen as a “woman’s position” to them and they’re trying to be woke by switching the sexual positions up but failing to see how misogynistic and homophobic that take is (imma stop myself here because that a WHOLE ‘nother can or worms to be opened right there).

What I’m trying to say is fanon is a double edged sword and I’ve definitely enjoyed some and hated some. I think it’s important to seperate the two. I do think it’s annoying for fandoms to be flooded with mischaracterisation when you actually do like the original characters and I wish there was some way to seperate fandom into “actual canon fans” and “fans of fanon”, but I don’t have a solution and I’ve definitely contributed to the problem in the past so for that I’m sorry.

I don’t know how to end this long ass rant, I don’t know what the goal was in writing this, but taadaa ~ here’s my exceptionally long take on fanon.

[dajokahhh]

some qs, pls donut be offended if i ask things that might be obvious. but. are there any lines your joker will not cross? does he have a specific m.o. to his crimes? what's the farthest he's gone? personally i LOVE the l/go batman version of joker AND the telltale version of him & think that a lot of the canon that portrays joker is both completely ableist and completely homophobic so i was SUPER excited to see ur blog, i just want to make sure i got this all right in my head B )

no worries, and I’ll answer this publicly since it’s prob a good idea to do so anyways :y since there’s things I won’t write, I would generally say that anything including r*pe (of anyone, honestly), abuse of children (though in a practical sense he isn’t above killing a child that’s not his m.o., nor would he be interested in torturing or abusing a kid — more like if there’s collateral damage in the pursuit of some larger target), domestic abuse (ie why I don’t write or ship canon versions of joker and Harley), or like animal abuse but beyond that it’s pretty situational. he’s not above or against killing, maiming or torturing but that’s also at the darker end of things in terms of my writing spectrum

but i would say he’s more controlled and careful than a lot of people would assume? i personally prefer most of his crimes to be the kind that are meant to disrupt hierarchy and the dominant classes/castes of society, so things that would generally be anti establishment like bank robberies, disrupting government activities/destroying property, impeding or killing police, but these are yet again on the more intense end of the spectrum. and although I’d say his violence is politically informed just bc his entire existence is; it’s not necessarily done in the name of any beliefs, but it wouldn’t take long to figure out his general ideas about things like class and authority to see why he tends to target government institutions, officials, and corporate entities. a good way to explain this imo would be that he’s the type to release all the people in Arkham bc he thinks that pathologizing people and labelling them, incarcerating them against their will, is fucked but he would have no plan or regard for what happens afterwards — shaped by his experiences, beliefs, and politics but not a well thought out revolution by any means. I also don’t pretend when he does violent things they’re righteous, just that it isn’t as indiscriminate and ~edgy~ as some sources portray. but since I also love the campy and more goofy portrayals we get of joker in things like lego batman there’s some range for sure in things I’d write or see him doing that go as soft as cartoon villainy and about as far as I’ve outlined above.

for an m.o. id say he sort of reflects the historical role of a jester, the imagery of the joker playing card and the origin of modern clowns. the court jester could speak truth to power and mock the king bc of his position as a jester. the role, the position, allowed the court jester to reflect ~society~ back to the ruling class. I think he sees himself as a thorn in the side of Gotham’s elite. that’s why his crimes are things like bank robberies, attacks on law enforcement, and fighting batman, a symbol of the elite (he works w the police to beat up poor people and Arkham patients, and he’s a literal billionaire????). whether it’s something the characters themselves acknowledge or not, in terms of the actual symbolism the joker works best imo as a foil to Batman when he’s emphasized as his opposite. Batman is dark (the suit, the gear, the brooding), joker is colourful, Batman is wealthy and uses his resources, joker is slapdash and resourceful rather than full of cash/resources, Batman is tacitly if not explicitly endorsed by Gordon (and as commissioner, by the police), the joker is 100% an outlaw, and as far as my portrayal goes, Batman is a hyper masculine cishet dudes power fantasy (billionaire playboy by day and badass crime fighter by night? yeah that’s what it is) and joker is a queer rage fever dream of face paint and pure anarachy (rejection of hierarchy and authority, aside from the more nuanced descriptions on actual anarchist political theory).

as for canon, I agree that a lot of canon is really ableist and homophobic/queerphobic so I don’t rely on those aspects. he is most likely mentally ill but I think the source material often confuses correlation with causation. he isn’t violent because he’s mentally ill, but the two co exist. he’s violent because he’s been the victim of violent crime (as most people w mental illnesses are more likely to be), and bc of social factors from his upbringing living in Gotham city. in my own knowledge, crime is usually the result of social and economic conditions (poverty, exploitation, learning violence from others, etc) which I think has more to do with why he’s a criminal than any mental illness he may have. Gotham city is clearly a pretty bad place to live with its massive amounts of corruption, inequality and crime, so I’m not really surprised it produces people like joker. i try to balance “sympathetic” with understandable and it’s a fine line between making sense of a character like this and “woobifying” as some might say. its difficult bc RP is also more personal than just reading a fic or a comic so boundaries tend to be tighter and what’s acceptable tends to also be a bit more restrictive for good reason. but i think the concept of the joker, the idea of the joker and the archetype he fulfills has a lot of potential for variation and interpretation

this is v long and rambly but tldr he does have some hard limits in part bc i as a writer don’t wanna do certain things. my portrayal is a mishmash of headcanon, some canon interpretations like telltale, ~sociology and criminology~, and my own Vibes as a genderweird not straight person

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Round 2

Propaganda why Dean Winchester is insufferable:

Really mean to Cas (called him a child, zero respect for him, calls him family and casts him out when the angels are looking for him), and an absolute dick to Jack (threatening to kill him CONSTANTLY)

>Was a misogynist (loved to call women skanks, bitches, hoes)

>Used gay as an insult multiple time during the show's run (idc if he's gay an homophobic, that's still insulting)

>Beat up his brother for being possessed

>Beat up his brother for losing his soul (not his brother's fault)

>Used dubious consent to get his brother possessed in a different unrelated possession incident after possession was being used (badly...this is supernatural after all) as a metaphor for SA

>Threatened to murder his brother when he was hallucinating (yay we aren't ableist)

>Locked a child up in a box

>Threatened to kill the child he locked up in a box

>Made a creepy, sexual comment about a barely-legal high school girl

>Got the woman and kid he was living with memory-wiped

misogynistic scumbag. theres also a few different times that dean finds teenagers sexy with the most recent and prominent example that i can recall being the scooby doo crossover episode in season 13 where hes super into daphne who in the version they chose for the episode is 15-16 and is interacting with her as if shes a real person cause they got magicked into the episode. he treats everyone around him like shit and the only time the narrative agrees that thats a bad thing is when he has the mark of cain put on him and hes acting no differently than he does usually its just now acknowledged that hes treating others like shit. ive been rewatching the show for shits and giggles with a friend and wow he really does not treat anyone well but i wanna focus on how he treats sam for a second cause dude's hobby seems to be ignoring what his brother wants and lying to sam about doing stuff that directly concerns him the demon blood and souless things are reasonable cause those were both Bad for sam but theyre still part of a wider pattern and the most prominent example of this being when dean tricks sam into letting gadreel possess him and actually gaslights sam about it with the whole ordeal ending when its revealed gadreel lied about who he was and while possessing sam murders a friend of theirs. his voice is just also stupid as fuck im sorry this is just petty but he just sounds like hes trying so hard to be gruff n intimidating but he just sounds like a kid pretending to be batman

Dean’s list of sins is crazy long because of how long the show ran, but the key thing for me is that post-locking Sam in the bunker (season 4 I think?), I just can’t enjoy their relationship anymore. I normally love their sibling dynamic, but Dean’s ultimate worst past-the-point-of-no-return moment for me was demonizing (pun intended) his little brother for being “addicted” to demon blood, which only happened because of a series of events that were either Dean’s or someone else’s fault, not Sam’s. I also really dislike how the fandom treats Dean like this angel (pun intended) who has done no wrong and even tries to justify the MULTIPLE times he’s beaten up and otherwise abused his little brother. Canon Dean is like the polar opposite of fanon Dean: he’s homophobic and racist (jokes about a Black man being sexually assaulted in prison), misogynistic (take a shot every time he calls a woman a slur and you’ll die of alcohol poisoning), and abusive.

Propaganda why Erika Shinohara is insufferable:

Doormat of a character

Impulsive liar, would rather take candid picture of a boy she didn't know than to admit friends that she's single, Naive to the point of being stupid, worst masochist rep since the 50 Shades of Grey protag

[fialleril]

Happy pride! Do you have any LGBTQ+ headcanons? (any fandom)

Thanks anon!

All of my Star Wars headcanons are posted here, so you can check those out if you want.

In the meantime, since I’ve got old school Flash comics on the brain, have some Flash fam headcanons:

Piper is the ultimate disaster gay. This is not actually a headcanon, it’s just plain canon, but I feel it bears saying.

Wally is bi, and it takes him a long time to be comfortable with that. He grew up in a pretty homophobic house and his dad spouted a lot of slurs in between telling his son he was stupid and not going anywhere in life, so Wally kind of aggressively overcompensated by trying to make sure he was Very Definitely Straight at all times. (This is part of why he freaked out so bad when Piper came out to him - he’d been putting an awful lot of effort into Not Acting Gay because, of course, you can always tell those guys by how they act, right? He even says that to Piper, just before Piper comes out. But Piper is both not a stereotype and also very much his friend and, shit, he might have to start actually dealing with this now.)

Linda is also bi, and she and Piper together played a major role in Wally finally becoming comfortable with himself.

A fair number of people assume that Piper and Wally are ex-boyfriends, since they were roommates for a while and everyone thinks they know what that means. Wally’s kind of uncomfortable with this at first, and for a while Piper tries to turn it into a joke, pretending to be offended by the suggestion and insisting he has much better taste in men, thank you very much.

Eventually, though, they both start embracing it for the lulz. They have pet names for each other. Sometimes they play it up on teamups with other superheroes. Like, Wally brings Piper in for a tech assist, Piper waits ‘til he’s sure he’s got Superman and co’s full attention, and then he scoffs and says, “Well, gee, Wally, I’d love to help, but you broke my heart and I can never forgive you for that.” Wally’s like, “Baby, please! We can work this out!” Superman and Aquaman just look at each other in confusion. Batman sighs. He’s too damn tired for this.

Bart is pan, and he’ll tell anyone who asks that in the future, nobody uses labels anymore. Of course, Bart also insists that everyone in the future has a private jet and that selling pineapple pizza is a felony, so no one is really sure how seriously to take this.

Jay and Joan are an ace couple who have been happily married for over 50 years. For their big 50th anniversary they went on an Alaskan cruise, which was (of course) attacked by supervillains. Jay took care of matters while Joan took a damn nap, because after putting up with this kind of thing for 50 years she damn well deserves it.

Linda had kind of a huge crush on Wonder Woman as a kid, though she only realized it was a crush in hindsight. She still gets kinda tongue-tied when she actually gets to meet Diana as an adult.

Piper’s parents blame superheroes for “turning” him gay. All those men running around in skin tight spandex - it’s just not natural. Wally’s dad used to say something very similar, so this kind of becomes another in-joke between Piper and Wally, especially once Piper updates his costume post switching sides to join the heroes. “Nice new look,” says Wally, and Piper smirks and says, “Well, you know, just doing my heroic duty, turning all the kids gay.”

Wally pretends to get really upset when Piper and Dick Grayson start dating, because what if they get married? He can’t be best man for both of them at the same time! He’d be running back and forth from one side of the altar to the other through the whole ceremony, and that would just look ridiculous!

Dick’s kinda bewildered by this despite having known Wally for years, but Piper just looks at him like, “Wally, you know I love you, but you’re being ridiculous. Obviously, Linda is going to be my best woman.”

[the-desolated-quill]

At Midnight, All The Agents... - Watchmen blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. if you haven’t read this comic yet, you may want to before reading this review)

I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk about Watchmen on this blog for years and now my moment has finally come :D

At Midnight, All The Agents is the first issue of Watchmen and right from the off you know that this is going to be something unique. Most superhero stories tend to begin with a crime being committed or perhaps even a big splash page featuring the hero standing all… well… heroic. Watchmen however starts very differently. We’re not thrust straight into the action. In fact the action has already happened. We’re witnessing the aftermath of the crime. Much more sombre and slower paced than any mainstream comic would be. In fact the opening of Watchmen is so good, it’s worth analysing the panels in detail.

We begin with the famous image of the blood stained smiley face. We travel slowly upward, revealing the smiley face to be in a puddle of blood. A man walks through the puddle carrying a ‘The End Is Nigh’ sign. As we continue moving upwards away from the puddle, we get excerpts from Rorschach’s journal. Superheroes spouting pretentious, bombastic monologues tend to be par for the course, but this is different. Rorschach speaks of how horrible New York has become, blaming ‘liberals, intellectuals and smooth talkers’ for allowing the city to decay. He speaks of how the city is afraid of him and that when the ‘whores and politicians’ beg for help, he’ll whisper back ‘No.’ If you didn’t know this was a superhero comic, you’d think this was a villain speaking. There’s no sense of justice or duty in Rorschach’s words. Only bitterness. It’s very disconcerting, as writer Alan Moore expertly draws the reader’s interest.

We reach the top of the building and we see a detective looking down from a broken window. We find out that they’re investigating the murder of Edward Blake, who was thrown out of his apartment window during a violent altercation. It appears to be a garden variety burglary gone wrong, but the detectives note that the viciousness of the attack suggests he may have been the intended target. This is further supported when they discover a photo of Eddie shaking hands with the Vice President, but then they convince themselves to drop the matter because they don’t want to draw the attention of ‘masked avengers.’ They leave the apartment and begin to discuss superheroes and vigilantes in negative terms. They mention something called the Keene Act and that superheroes have been outlawed, though Rorschach is still active despite that. As they walk and talk, we begin to notice things about the street around them. It looks like New York, but it’s not a version of New York we’re familiar with. There’s electric cars on the road and they mention Vice President Ford. Except… Gerald Ford wasn’t the Vice President in 1985. Ford became the thirty eighth President after Richard Nixon resigned and left office. He was succeeded by Jimmy Carter in 1977. If Ford is still Vice President in 1985, does that mean Nixon is still in power? How is that possible?

The first few panels of Watchmen is a true masterclass in how to open a graphic novel. Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons do a brilliant job establishing the world and setting up the story and themes without having to bog the narrative down with needless exposition. Everything we need to know is revealed to us subtly and organically through the dialogue and the visuals.

Oh and just in case I don’t get a chance to later on, let me just say that Gibbons’ artwork is phenomenal. His attention to detail when it comes to the worldbuilding is impeccable. A lot of credit must also go to colourist John Higgins, who chose to move away from the primary colours used by other superhero comics and chose instead to use the secondary colour palette. The use of purples, oranges and greens not only helps set Watchmen apart from other comics, it also helps to reinforce the subtle differences between this world and ours, as well as helping to establish tone, creating a moody and grim atmosphere.

At Midnight, All The Agents mainly follows the character of Rorschach as he investigates the murder of Edward Blake, who is revealed to be a superhero known as the Comedian, and warns other supers about the possibility of a ‘mask killer.’ As we see Rorschach journey from place to place, we notice how all of the ex superheroes he meets are neither super nor even very heroic. First there’s Dan Dreiberg, aka Nite Owl, who’s introduced to us reminiscing with Hollis Mason about ‘the old days’ over a drink. He’s slightly overweight, weak and some might say pathetic. Rorschach clearly resents Dan for quitting and we see Dan’s guilt and regret over this. We then meet billionaire Adrian Veidt, whom Rorschach accuses of selling out and cashing in on his superhero identity as Ozymandias. Next there’s Doctor Manhattan, the only superhero with superpowers, and Laurie Juspeczyk, who previously fought crime as the Silk Spectre. Manhattan doesn’t seem to care either way, remarking on how the dead and the living have the same number of atoms and seeing no difference between the two. Laurie, however, is glad Edward is dead because he apparently tried to rape her mother years ago, to which Rorschach dismisses as ‘a moral lapse.’

This sets the tone for the other issues to follow. Watchmen has a very cold and cynical view of superheroes. The ones we see are presented as being pathetic failures, uncaring and indifferent to the world around them, or just downright psychotic. We even get mentions of other superheroes, such as Mothman, who was apparently sectioned, and the first Silk Spectre Sally Jupiter, who Rorschach describes as a ‘bloated, ageing whore dying in a Californian rest resort.’

But the most revealing and damning of all is Rorschach himself. The only active superhero. God help us all.

Rorschach is many people’s favourite character (myself included), but let it be clear, Rorschach is NOT a hero. He’s brutally violent, ultra right wing, bigoted, misogynistic, homophobic and deeply disturbed to the point of being delusional and paranoid. It’s worth noting that the Watchmen are based on characters DC obtained from Charlton Comics, and that Rorschach was based on the Question. A vigilante/detective who reflected creator Steve Ditko’s objectivist philosophy. Rorschach takes these libertarian, conservative beliefs to their literal extreme, presented as being deranged and dangerous. At one point we see him walk into a bar and start breaking a man’s fingers in the hopes that one of the patrons will crack and give information about Edward’s murder, but of course, it doesn’t work, and why should it? You see this trope in a lot of cop and detective shows and it never made sense. Why would random strangers in a bar know everything that’s happening in the criminal underworld? So not only is this a darkly comedic riff on the cliche, it also tells us everything we need to know about Rorschach.

One question I found myself asking is why does Rorschach care about the murder of the Comedian when no one else clearly does. Towards the end of the issue we get his whole spiel about how there’s good and evil and evil must be finished. The typical black and white mentality of a right wing nutter. It also reminds me slightly of the Marvel Comics character Moon Knight, in that he’s motivated not by justice, but by vengeance. And not like Batman or the Punisher where they feel vengeful on behalf of another person, but rather vengeance as a concept. Rorschach is less a superhero and more an avatar of vengeance. He’s not about saving the world because, to him, the world is beyond saving. He’s just there to punish those responsible. But it’s not just Rorschach’s moral absolutism that drives him to investigate the murder. It’s also the fact that the Comedian was part of an exclusive club. Rorschach’s club. The superhero club. This is what’s behind Rorschach dismissing Laurie’s accusations of Eddie raping her mother as being merely ‘a moral lapse.’ From his perspective, any wrongdoings committed by them are either justified or excused because they’re superheroes. They’re above the law. Which begs the question, who gives them the right to decide what is and isn’t morally acceptable?

It’s this arrogance and abuse of power we see crop up again and again throughout Watchmen. The issue ends with Dan and Laurie having dinner together and talking about an incident involving ‘Captain Carnage.’ A guy who pretended to be a supervillain in the hopes that a costumed vigilante like Nite Owl or Silk Spectre would beat him up. Apparently he tried it on Rorschach once and he got dropped down an elevator shaft for his trouble, to which Dan and Laurie laugh. Admittedly this is another good example of dark humour that Moore executes really well, but it’s also shocking to see two (ex) superheroes laughing about it. Dan and Laurie aren’t bad people. They’re certainly not as unhinged as Rorschach. But the fact that their first instinct is to laugh is rather telling about how they see themselves as superheroes. Consciously or not, they see themselves as being above everyone else.

This is further reinforced by the extra material given at the end of the issue. Instead of the letters pages you would find in other comic books, Watchmen contains additional material that expand on the lore. They’re not essential to the story. You can easily skip over them, but it’s worth reading them because they do offer further insights into the characters and this world. At Midnight, All Agents features an excerpt from Under The Hood, an autobiography written by Hollis Mason, the first Nite Owl, in which he says something very revealing. Initially he was a cop, but he enjoyed reading comics and adventure yarns as a kid, and is reintroduced to them when he asks a kid on his beat if he could borrow their Superman comic. This apparently re-awoke dreams he had as a kid where he would rescue the prettiest girl at school from bullies or save his maths teacher from gangsters and have her falling in love with him, which inspires him to become Nite Owl. In other words, he became a superhero not to save people or do good, but so he could live out his childhood fantasies.

So what is a superhero? A guy in a costume fighting crime, righting wrongs and saving people? Or a delusional and often violent thug indulging in an egotistical power fantasy over the people around them? This is why everything about Watchmen is best represented in its opening image of the blood stained smiley face. A symbol of innocence and purity tainted by violence.

[theheavymetalmama]

And now, some Unpopular Opinions!

Because at this point, why the hell not?

Iron Man was better than The Dark Knight

I am in no way, shape, or form suggesting that The Dark Knight is a bad movie. Far from it, in fact. It’s a damn good movie with some fantastic performances, a gripping story, and some of the best written characters and dialogue in the history of movie making. So is Iron Man the better movie? For one, it’s not so stuck up its’ own ass about its’ message. The Dark Knight is a lot of things and one of them is pretentious as fuck, come off as less of a love letter to Batman and more of a method of the director Chris Nolan showing how much he has nothing but contempt for superheroes and comic books in general. Iron Man, in contrast, embraces it and has fun with the idea of a guy who builds a mech suit and fights bad guys. There’s also the question of influence, and that right there is no contest. The Dark Knight influenced Batman; Iron Man influenced the entire movie industry.

Final Fantasy XV was a massive disappointment

I kind of feel bad for dunking on this game considering they just cancelled the last of the DLC. Then again the last of the DLC was going to expand on Lady “Show Up and Blow Up” Lunafreya and Aranea “I’m here and now I’m not” Highwind’s stories and now we’re not getting them and I’m still bitter as fuck for the director’s pathetic excuse for why a girl couldn’t attend the coming of age road trip, so all bet’s are off! Okay, the ladies getting shafted aside, there is a lot to like about Final Fantasy XV, but was it worth the tedious development time? No way in hell. The game looks good but like many open world games feels mostly lifeless and empty, and of the four main characters only one of them is likable and isn’t even playable in the game’s vanilla form. The story is a broken mess that requires other forms of media to fully grasp (dick fucking move there, Squeenix) and the summons coming at random times serves as more of an annoyance than anything, especially since they always seem to show up except during times when and where they’d be useful. It also doesn’t say good things about a company’s management when a game can sell millions of copies in record time as well as do gangbusters on downloadable content and then still manage to lose over 30 million dollars.

And for the record, let it be known that Noctis is far and away the whiniest and most emo protagonist in Final Fantasy history, which is saying something considering this is a series where one such protagonist’s entire character is being so jaded and world weary to the point that his name is the sound a crying baby makes, and he doesn’t whine and complain as much as Noctis does.

Just because you’re a cop or a soldier, that doesn’t automatically make you a good person

I’m in favor of police and law enforcement and even though I believe our military budget makes Caligula himself look frugal in comparison I do support our troops. Having said that, being a cop or a trooper doesn’t mean jack shit if the person under the uniform is a complete and utter scumbag, which happens more often than many care to admit. In fact some people, many people, become cops and soldiers not to protect and serve or out of a sense of honor and duty, but simply because they like making others miserable and want to do it for a living. There’s a reason songs about fighting the law and unflattering depictions of authority figures date back as far as authority figures have been a thing. Respect is earned, not given.

‘White Nationalist’ and ‘Nazi’ are the same things

Calling a Nazi a white nationalist is like calling somebody who abuses their spouse a rough lover. Stop beating around the bush and tell it like it is. Also, don’t debate Nazis, punch them. Punch them as hard as you fucking can. If they punch you back, punch them again, and again, and again until they either run away (which most of them do) or stop moving. Trust me, nobody is going to miss them. That goes double for the alt right. Oh, and speaking of which...

Far Cry 5 chickened out

As somebody who grew up in a dead gold mining community that was mostly Catholic, when the first trailer for Far Cry 5 came out I was stoked as hell for the chance to gun down religious fanatics and skinheads in a place in rural America that didn’t look all that different. Then the game came out and it was abundantly clear to anybody that something somewhere in the game was changed at the last minute. Some have argued that it was their intention from the get go, others claimed they didn’t want to alienate their core demographic. It doesn’t say nice things about your core demographic if you’re worried about depictions of white supremacist cultists scaring them away, but okay, fine. Then make a game that takes place during the decline of the Ku Klux Klan, or in a post World War II Europe where you hunt Nazi war criminals, or failing that make something akin to Black Dynamite or a wacky 70′s Kung Fu movie where everything is purposefully over the top and exaggerated, I don’t care! All your other games have you gunning down hordes of brown people, let people like me and my husband kill some skinheads god damn it!

If you still support Donald Trump after all the vile and abhorrent things he’s done, you’re a bad person

There’s no beating around the bush on this one. I don’t blame people who were swooned by this conman thinking he’d genuinely make a good president and have since regretted their decision. I have nothing but sympathy for them. No, I’m talking about the people who STILL trip over themselves to defend this vile, homophobic, delusions, misogynist, narcissistic bigot. Like when he called Nazis “very fine people,” or is still pushing for a stupid wall along our border that will be bested by two extension ladders and a pair of tin snips. The travel ban, the rollback on regulations that kept food insecure people fed, kids dying in his fucking concentration camps, yeah, no. He’s a treasonous scumbag who deserves to be locked in an 8x8 cell until he rots, and if you still support him then you can claim the top bunk.

Climate change is real and coal can fuck off

Coal is dead. Let it lay down and rot. What, coal is your only source of income in the area you live in? Then move somewhere else! You think I would have left my hometown if there were any opportunities other than timber, fishing, and tourist traps? Sorry, but the longer we stay in the past with coal the lesser we can look forward to a future where a planet can sustain human life. If we want our planet to live then coal needs to die.

No, the left isn’t “just as bad” as the right

This is a fucking gas lighting farce that immediately falls apart when put under scrutiny. Are there extremists and crazies on the left? Of course there are, but they’re entirely different beasts as those found on the right. The left is more of a “eat enough kale and you can talk to dolphins” or “sleep with crystals under your bed and you can see the future” kinds of crazy, whereas the right is more of the “kill all the queers and let the brown babies starve” kind of crazy. Oh, and to each and every single person who said “Clinton is just as bad as Trump,” y’all can cover your reproductive organs in honey and stick them in a mason jar filled with live bullet ants and tarantula hawks, you ignorant scare mongering shitheels!

“Captain Marvel doesn’t smile!”

So what? She’s a space Navy Seal, not a boy scout like Captain America or Superman; she’s not supposed to smile.

No, the ‘alt left’ doesn’t exist and Antifa aren’t the same as Nazis

Are Antifa breaking the law? Yes. Should they be held accountable for their actions? Yes. Are people who want to kill Nazis exactly the same as people who want to exterminate the Jews and subjugate anybody who isn’t white while wiping other people’s culture off the face of the Earth under an authoritarian rule? Hell to the no and “Antifa is just as bad as the Nazis” is right up there with “Vaccinations cause autism” and “the Earth is flat” on the scale of “If you believe this, you are STUPID.” If Nazis and white supremacists went unopposed they’d go around raping and murdering Jews and non whites until there were absolutely none of them left. You know Antifa would be doing if there weren’t any Nazis around? Sitting in their crappy apartments smoking weed, sipping craft beer, eating pizza, and laughing their asses off at 20 year old Saturday Night Live skits. Ooooooh, scary! Yes, Antifa are assaulting people and destroying public property and yes they should be held accountable for their actions. But I’m not going to pretend, even hypothetically, that Nazi apologist scumbags like Tucker Carlson having his door banged on or actual Nazis like Richard Spencer getting punched in the face is on the same playing field as babies being put in cages, innocent black people being murdered by cops, or Jews being put into ovens, you fucks!

New She Ra is better than Old She Ra and 80′s cartoons in general

If you don’t like the new She Ra and prefer the old one, fine, you do you, but don’t act like the original is “So much better” because it isn’t at all. The villains were jokes, the animation was beyond cheap, the characters all looked the same, there were stupid talking animal sidekicks, and the story went nowhere really fucking fast outside of “Bad guys are doing bad guy stuff, our heroes must stop them” because they were commercials to sell toys. Nothing more, nothing less. If the new She Ra isn’t your bag then that’s all well and good, but don’t be a stupid asshole about it, talking about how it wasn’t featured at PowerCon like it’s a big fucking deal when only sad dorks like us give a shit about conventions, or whine about how you’re being oppressed and censored because a 16 year old isn’t rocking 44DD’s, or talk about “CalArts style” like that’s a real goddamn thing. Oh yeah, and speaking of which...

“CalArts style” is not a thing

Shut the fuck up, no it isn’t. It’s a stupid, meaningless buzzword hurled at people who never fucking went to CalArts in the first place. If you’re perplexed as to why modern cartoons all look like Steven Universe, the simple fact is that cartoons are made predominantly for children and shows are made to be aesthetically pleasing to them. With shows like Adventure Time, Regular Show, Steven Universe, Star vs the Forces of Evil, and Gravity Falls being soaring success stories while shows like Young Justice, new GI Joe, and 2011 Thundercats ambitious failures, it’s obvious that formal abstractionist non angularity is in while aspirational human physical fitness is out, and a big reason the latter was even a thing in the first place is because they were toy commercials first and there were only so many variations on plastic molds to form the fucking action figures and because it was the 80′s and Arnold was the biggest star at the time.

“Star Wars: the Last Jedi” is a good movie and fanboys can eat bantha poodoo

I’ve heard all the reasons for why The Last Jedi is a bad movie and they’re all either stupid nitpicky bullshit or meaningless fanboy gripes. I could write an entire essay debunking those reasons point for point, like how the reason Holdo didn’t tell Poe a damn thing because no admiral would ever a tell a lowly grunt anything about their plan, especially after being demoted for being a hotheaded little fuckup. Or that Rey being related to Obi Wan or any previous Star Wars character didn’t happen because that would have been stupid and the definition of predictable. Or that the reason Akbar didn’t do the suicide run is because he’s a meme that the general audience doesn’t give a shit about and that there’s no way in Hell that the Mouse would allow a character named “Akbar” to do a suicide run. Or that Kylo Ren not being an intimidating villain is the whole point and that you’re supposed to hate him because he’s a petulant Darth Vader wannabe and a snake to boot. Or that the effectiveness of said suicide run, where Snoke came from, or the state of the Resistance by the end of the movie, or that any other so called ‘plot hole’ doesn’t matter because this is a movie about space wizards for children and paying obsessive attention to meaningless and pedantic details is exactly how we end up with stupid subplots in the Beauty and the Beast remake and Metropolis and Gotham City being across the river from each other! But the biggest one is Luke wasn’t portrayed as some Jedi Clint Eastwood (why fanboys want that eludes me; the EU did that a few times and they were all terrible) and that him exiling himself doesn’t make any sense.

Sorry, but no, Luke running off to a far and unreachable island makes perfect sense. For one, it’s kind of a thing that disgraced Jedi do, and for two, Star Wars is a fairy tale in space. All of the characters draw inspiration from characters and archetypes from fairy tales and fables of old, and the one Luke Skywalker resembles most (largely by design) is King Arthur. Think about it. Common boy who doesn’t know who his real parents are, meets an old wizard, gets a legendary sword, discovers he’s of noble lineage, tags along with a few colorful characters, goes on a quest that’s bigger than him and the life he knew, hits a few bumps down the road, and then eventually he saves the kingdom by overthrowing his father who once was a great man and a hero but gave in to power and corruption and became a dark reflection of his former self.

You will never unsee that. 

Oh yeah, and remember how things turned out for King Arthur in the end? He started a whole new kingdom, he had a few good years, he grew arrogant, things started to fall apart, and suddenly he and everything he worked to build up were undone overnight by a younger, more vindictive relative. Disgraced, Arthur was whisked away to an unreachable island deep rooted in his own legend and mythology where he remained until Britain had fallen to darkness and needed him again. Now of course Britain as we know it has yet to see such a thing (we’ll see how Brexit turns out) but Luke did exactly that. And no, sorry fanboys, but The Last Jedi wasn’t a failure in any sense of the word. It grossed over a billion dollars, received critical praise, the DVDs and BluRays sold like hotcakes, and was adored by kids, teenagers, and young adults, the primary audience that Star Wars is for in the first place. And I don’t give a shit what the audience score on RT says, because for one aggregate sites are a blight on film criticism and we went from this;

“Batman v Superman and Suicide Squad are AMAZING, Rotten Tomatoes is biased and paid off by Disney!”

To this...

“Star Wars: the Last Jedi is TERRIBLE, Rotten Tomatoes says so!”

In just over a year. To say nothing of the fact that what you’re currently saying about The Last Jedi was also said about The Empire Strikes, and like ‘Empire’ twenty years from now people will look back on the fanboy outrage and say “Wow, what a bunch of babies.” And before the inevitable response...

“But Solo bombed because of The Last Jedi!” 

Nooooo, Solo bombed because it came out right between Infinity War and Deadpool 2, was rife with development issues since day one of production, it was aimed overwhelmingly at fanboys obsessed with Star Wars deep lore answering questions that the general audience doesn’t give a shit about, nobody was even interested in the thing until the Lego Movie guys were signed on for a hot second, moviegoers aren’t currently hurting for cocky space cowboys...

...and because of the simple fact that it’s a solo movie about Han Solo...and it’s not 1995 and Harrison Ford isn’t in it. See, fanboys don’t realize that just because nerd and geek bullshit is mainstream now doesn’t mean that everyone is now a fanboy deep rooted in everything from where the characters are from to where they’re going, because when people say “I love Star Wars and Han Solo is my favorite character” what the vast majority of them mean is “Those movies with the space wizards and the laser swords are a lot of fun and Harrison Ford is a great movie star.” That’s it. That’s extent of why people like Han Solo. Sad dorks like us may care about stuff like where and when he got the Falcon, how he met Chewie, where the dice came from and all of that and more, but the general audience just wants to see Harrison Ford do cool shit in space. That’s it. To say nothing of the fact that nobody was even interested in the spinoffs in the first place. When Disney announced that they were making episodes 7,8, and 9 everyone went “Oh Hell yes, sign me up!” Then when they followed up with that they were also making spinoff movies about stuff that happened off screen or between movies the same audience was like “Oh...well that’s neat, I guess.”

And no, that stupid fanboy boycott had nothing to do with. Even the dude who started that petition to strike TLJ from canon admitted that he was in a bad place and that he was being stupid and angry, and I can promise you that all the shrieking dorks on Youtube are the buzzing of flies to Disney. If that crowd had any box office and movie making decision influence whatsoever, the next spinoff we’d see a trailer for would be “My Twi’lek Waifu: a Star Wars Story.”

PewDiePie is the worst thing to happen to video games this side of the gaming crash of 83 and he needs to fuck off

Yes, you read that right, and I don’t say that lightly. All sorts of terrible things have happened in the gaming industry since the gaming crash of 83. The console wars, the Atari Jaguar, the Philips CDi, Jack Thompson, the death of the Dreamcast, WoW, an entire console generation packed to the gills with homogenous gray and brown shooters with protagonists who all looked the fucking same, GamerGate, microtransactions, DLC abuse, the death of Maxis, an increasingly toxic fandom, “women are too hard to animate,” the degradation of E3 from a showcase of the biggest and bestest in gaming to a corporately sponsored circlejerk of self congratulatory backslapping and so much, much more.

I don’t care how much PewDiePie gives to charity, or how many fans he has, or how many people think he’s just the greatest, because he’s not. He’s an embarrassing, stupid asshole who constantly gets busted for making stupid racist jokes and by extension making his fans and everyone who has even the vaguest ties to the word ‘gamer’ look like stupid, racist assholes. He’s a corporate ass sucking apologist who gives exposure to anti Semites and racist wastes of space to his audience of mostly 10 to 15 year old boys, and he’s more terminally obnoxious than an Adderall addicted Pomeranian. 

The day he posted his first video of him overreacting to a jump scare while making loud screeching noises on top of edgy rape jokes was the day the progress of “gaming as an art form” was shot between the eyes, placed in a box that was then filled with concrete, and thrown into the ocean. He’s a dumbass man child that’s making all of us look bad and he needs to take his millions worth of corporate sponsorships and fuck off forever into some dark, lonely corner of the Internet where he’ll never be seen or heard from again until an inevitable meltdown that lands him on an episode of Down the Rabbit Hole.

And that concludes this post. I’ll give my final thoughts tomorrow, and on Saturday I’m closing this account forever.

[the-timeless-children]

My favourite bits of Deadpool 2 (Minor Spoilers)

The opening credits: “Cinematography: Blind Al” “Written by: The real villains”

Negasonic Teenage Warhead and Yukio being cute lesbians

Wade telling Vanessa the reason he was late is that he was fighting a supervillain but then suddenly realised his mom’s name was also Martha

Yukio and Deadpool’s super sweet friendship

“Dubstep never dies”

Wade getting Cable to prove he’s from the future by asking him what the most recent Sharknado film is

Colossus’s proud face when Deadpool copies his ‘four or five moments’ speech

Negasonic Teenage Warhead’s middle finger when Deadpool copies the ‘four or five moments’ speech

Deadpool ending said speech by shooting a paedophile in the head

Deadpool telling his team that if everything goes to plan there’ll be no need for a third act

The little news clip with the rolling headlines underneath talking about actors who turned down roles in Deadpool 2

Dopinder comparing himself to Kirsten Dunst

"Hey big guy. The sun's getting real low."

Russell calling the superhero industry discriminatory because you don’t see any plus-size superheroes

‘Black Black Widow’

Every single time Deadpool breaks the fourth wall

Wade’s musical Logan figurine

The James Bond style opening

“Don’t fuck Elvis” “Don’t fuck Colossus”

Deadpool grabbing Colossus’s ass after hugging him

Wade referring to Cable as having a “winter soldier arm”

The Basic Instinct parody scene

Wade actually having stashed the cure for blindness under the floorboards next to some cocaine

Wade gently singing ‘Do you want to build a snowman?’ to Weasel

Weasel stopping Cable mid-monologue to tell him everything he knows without even being tortured

“Who are you?” “I’m Batman.”

Russell repeatedly standing up to the biggest guy in prison and repeatedly getting punched in the face

Terry Crews!

Deadpool making fun of the CGI fight between Colossus and Juggernaut

“I want our kid to be a boy. Or a girl. Definitely one or the other.”

Deadpool wearing a stripper outfit and wig on top of his supersuit

Domino and Deadpool politely debating whether or not luck is a superpower

Wade complaining that without super powers he’s basically Hawkeye

The scene where Domino really needs a bus and one just crashes through the wall

Domino’s powers in general

Deadpool calling Josh Brolin ‘Thanos’

The X-Men cameo

The Brad Pitt Cameo

The original Deadpool cameo

“So dark. You’re sure you’re not from the DC universe?”

Deadpool listing his favourite comic issues featuring Juggernaut while Juggernaut picks him up and throws him on a cast iron spiked fence

Deadpool shooting Ryan Reynolds in the head to stop him playing Green Lantern

“We're gonna form a super duper fucking group: we need them tough, morally flexible and young enough to carry a franchise for 10-12 years.”

Wade signing the mutant kid’s cereal box as Ryan Reynolds

Wade pretending he can use Cerebro to see the future

Wade: “He’s standing right behind you, isn’t he?”

Negasonic Teenage Warhead accusing Deapool of being homophobic

Deadpool accusing everyone else of being racist

Deadpool making Cable promise not to judge people by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their character

Deadpool calling the X-Men “an outdated 60s allegory for racism”

Deadpool’s X-Man in training T-shirt

Everyone correcting Deadpool when he calls himself an X-Man, reminding him he is only a trainee

Russell’s pen (hidden in his prison wallet)

Wade’s look of mild annoyance as he’s stabbed through the hand with Russell’s pen

Deadpool using that guy’s loincloth to wipe blood out of his eye

Cable telling Deadpool he reminds him of his wife

Wade using his own arm as a garrotte to strangle Cable with

Wade wanting to find a planet full of aliens who are worse than humans, so that he can go and be Superman to them

Dopinder killing a paedophile with his taxi