#also I didn't do a final read-through of the fanfic because I'm sick of it and I want it to be over

[krypto100]

Everyone loves Totty !

[linkspooky]

Hey. Long time follower here. Your metas, your discussions of "bad victims", your nuanced view of heroes and victims, your favoritism towards "losers"...not only did you heavily influence my own writing and my own favorites in different medias (I'm entirely blaming you for me being a Makima stan) but you helped through an extremely dark time in my life. I don't think that you just made me a better writer, you also sort of saved my life. I'll always be grateful for that.

There's something I want to ask. You answered to another ask that you don't regret reading MHA because focusing on what doesn't work about it made your writing stronger. Do you feel the same about Homestuck? Or about the more disappointing parts of Tokyo Ghoul (and, while we're being candid here, Avatar?).

Thank you for your compliments they're very encouraging to read.

At this point this blog is becoming the bad victim lovers support group where we all hug each other and cry over how MHA is treating all of its bad victims.

HOMESTUCK: Honestly, my main problem with Homestuck is that ACT 6 was so long and uneventful full of characters not doing anything that by the end of it the only character I was invested in was Vriska. ACT 6 also did go out of it's way to kill my enthusiasm for everything I liked in ACT 5, especially John Vriska. I've never seen a comic throw out all of its previous development that the audience was invested in and like everything that was foreshadowed - oh wait My Hero Academia. Unfortunately Vriska is an all-time-fave so I still write Homestuck Fanfic about her to this day. I used to like think the finale of Homestuck was one big "meh" but after years to reflect upon it, I do like Vriska's arc ending on a final note of Terezi searching for her in the void, possibly forever, and the ambiguity of whether they'll reunite.

TOKYO GHOUL: I remember being mad about Kaneki getting a happy ending that he didn't earn. Kaneki was a character that really frustrated me for a long time, but I came to realize that if you like remove Kaneki from his group of codependent enablers he's actually a really interesting character when he's alone. So he's a character I love to explore in fic, even if I disliked what they did with him in canon. Also, Tokyo Ghoul killed off its biggest victims Furuta and Rize in a really cruel way, but it didn't kill off every single victim so it just disappoints me instead of making me sick to my stomach like MHA does.

ATLA: I actually think the Avatar the Last Airbender ending is fine. Which like, isn't saying much because I think the Season 1 finale and Season 2 finales are some of the best things ever put to television. The worst sin that the ending does is number one lack of foreshadowing in earlier in the season and number two rushed plot points. Aang not wanting to kill the Fire Lord makes sense. I think the reason a lot of people criticize this and call it an ass pull is that it's not even BROUGHT UP until the finale. Vash the Stampede is pacifist and one of my favorite characters, but it's established from episode 1 that Vash is constantly up against people who want to kill him and he either has to run away or find a way to fight back nonlethally. Azula's insanity and mental instability could have been a thing, but it's not foreshadowed at all so all it ends up doing is conveniently nerf Azula for Zuko, and also being ableist. The worst problem is while there are epic fights it doesn't feel like an ending, because everyone's character arcs are 3/4ths of the way through. ESPECIALLY ZUKO's. Like people say Zuko is acting out of character in the comics, but I think Zuko is the only person in character in the comics because that's how Zuko without a proper end to his character arc would act. It really feels like they had plans for a fourth season that they didn't get, and their solution was to cram an entire season worth of development in everything post the eclipse on season 3. The fact that Azula is left as such a hanging thread is like proof of that, and the fact that Azula's last shot in the series is just her crying and screaming with like no follow up afterwards is something I've been bitter about for fourteen years.

I could write an entire post about how Zuko's redemption arc is unfinished though. It's like the same problem as Catra. I like both characters and I'm glad they got redeemed but they crammed in the entire redemption arc into 1/2 of the last season and that simply wasn't enough time.

[krissiefox]

Sonic The Hedgehog (2020) Movie Review!

While I was sick recently, I was holed up in my room trying not to infect the rest of my family. I'd been reading Sonic fanfics in the meantime, and this gave me the idea to finally watch the DVD I got of the the 2020 Sonic movie, and then of course, I wanted to write a review, because it's fun (and my wife seems to like them)! I'll put a divider here, because this review does contain spoilers for most of the plot points, so this is your warning before you read on!

To get the unfortunate bits out of the way, the movie had a rough start, with the strange first design of Sonic becoming a social media trend of snark and negativity that I remember making me pretty depressed. In response to the backlash, Paramount changed up Sonic's design to something cuter. I've heard mixed claims saying that during this time the artists for the movie were abused with crunch, while others claim this didn't occur, so I'm not sure about whether or not it happened, but I hope not.

A worried Sonic ball, hiding from badniks....

With that unpleasantness out of the way, the movie eventually finished and came out, and at-least on tumblr I saw a lot of folks seemed to really enjoy it. My little brother expressed interest in watching it with me, so eventually while out shopping with my wife I picked up copies of the first two movies.

This movie does commit the act of "Hollywood Video Game Adaptations" by largely changing the source material and basically creating another AU for the Sonicverse, and I know that's a turnoff for some, so this wouldn't be every one's cup of tea as many folks would prefer something rooted in one the already established Sonic worlds. I was able to enjoy the film though, and found it quite cute, sweet and funny. It also gave warm fuzzies to see my favorite childhood video game hero in his first big screen movie adaption.

The Story follows Sonic as he is ousted from his home world by his owl mom to live on Earth, after a tribe of echidnas attacks their house. Sonic is ordered to live in hiding, and is given a bag of magic teleportation rings that he is to use only in an emergency to escape to another place.

As ordered, Sonic lives on Earth in secret, in a town called Green Hills. He spies on the humans and enjoys learning about Earth, but is still very lonely as he isn't allowed to interact with them. Some of his favorite humans are a local couple that he has named "Donut Lord" and "Pretzel Lady". One night, while playing at a baseball field at night, Sonic gets so upset about his isolated life that he causes a massive power surge with his speed, drawing attention to his location.

Dr. Robotnik meets Donut Lord!

The government calls in Dr. Robotnik (and his minion/boyfriend Agent Stone), whom in this universe is an earthling rather than a resident of Mobius. He is played by Jim Carrey as a delightfully fun and strange villain throughout the film. He takes over the search for the source of the power surge, and eventually closes in on the cave Sonic has been living in.

In a panic, Sonic decides he'll need to bail on this world, though he hates the thought of having to do so, being so fond oft it. He sneaks into Donut Lords home to use one of his teleport rings, when Donut (aka Tom) finds him and shoots him with a tranquilizer dart gun. One of Sonic's rings opens up and since Donut's shirt made Sonic think of San Francisco, that's where the portal leads to and Sonic's rings end up there.

After getting to know each-other, Sonic and Donut end up fleeing as vigilantes both from the government and Dr. Robotnik. Eventually they make it to San Francisco, Sonic gets his rings back, and he has a big showdown with Robotnik where he ends up sending Robotnik through a portal to the mushroom world he was originally going to go to. Donut Lord and Pretzel Lady end up adopting Sonic, and the movie wraps up as Sonic sees his new bedroom in a really sweet scene. Mid credits, we also get a teaser showing Tails arriving on Earth!

One of the movie's more badass looking scenes.

Outside of the aforementioned issue that creating an entirely new Sonic AU for the film will alienate some folks, my only other criticism is that I would have liked to learn more Sonic's owl mom, as she seemed pretty cool. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the film quite a bit. It was colorful, pretty, Sonic was adorable, Robotnik was very funny, and Sonic's new friends were quite likeable. Definitely a recommended watch for anyone curious about the film. :) I may end up watching the sequel sometime soon, too!

[galwithalibrarycard]

Hello, how r u? Soo, I just discovered love little losers (I was a huge fan on nmtd, but didn't know about lolilo). And I love your blog, thanks for keeping the fandon alive. Argh so, Freddie, does she gets better? Cause she's a little bit annoying. Pedro and Balt, I'm jumping out of my sits for them, the backslash? Really. I'm so excited to see more beadick. Anyway, I just wanna vent, thanks for the blog

I’m good thanks, hope you are too. And thank you! I’m definitely not the only one still here keeping the fandom alive, there’s still a few of us out here, but I appreciate the love! 😁 it’s nice to know people are enjoying my posts still!

We’re actually having a small resurgence in the tags with new people watching both series, which is fun. Those people inspire me to keep posting too, it’s all full circle.

I am… not really sure how to prepare you for lolilo tbh. It’s a loose adaptation of Shakespeare’s Love’s Labors Lost, and it’s a lot heavier and angstier than NMTD for one thing, so be warned. Pedrazar is a very slow burn, be prepared for a journey! I liked Freddie right away bc I relate to her anxious energy, but you might take some time to warm up to her, that’s fair.

I recommend you head to @beatriceeagle and check out the series of Lolilo meta analysis posts she made with her sister a few years back. It’s a show that trades in subtext and has a lot of important stuff go down offscreen. Reading the metas really helps give a more thorough understanding and insight into the characters and why they behave the ways they do. It might help you understand where Freddie’s coming from, and the others too.

As far as Beadick, I’ll tell you they will break your heart, but it will be put back together again. If you need more of them, the missing offscreen moments and development of their relationship are kind of my specialty in terms of fanfiction. I wrote “the world is too quiet without you nearby”, a 16-chapter fanfic covering the time period between NMTD and Lolilo when Bea and Ben are in a long-distance relationship (plenty of fluff to pad the descent into angst). I also wrote “And We Are Finally Home”, a fic that covers the Beadick relationship arc from the lolilo episode “Confrontation” on through the end of the show- and I WILL be finishing and posting the epilogue to that fic as soon as I can, but you can read the chapters that are already up and still get a pretty complete story there. You don’t have to read them, but i wanted to share because I’m proud of them and I think they’re a good companion to the show if you like Team B! Mind the tags, but there shouldn’t be anything in the fics you can’t handle if you can handle the actual show.

The most important thing you might not get from the videos themselves: it’s canon from the creators that Benedick and Freddie and Balthazar are all dealing with anxiety disorders of some kind, though the creators didn’t actually intend to write that going in- it just happened that they agreed with the fandoms interpretation later on. So everything Ben does is colored by anxiety constantly telling him that he’s too much and that no one likes him and the only thing he’s good for is a laugh- and the (false) worry that Bea is getting sick of him and can’t wait to leave on her travels to get away from him. He’s trying to keep people from leaving him. Freddie is the way she is because she’s desperate for control in life, it’s the only way she feels calm. And Balthazar is petrified of confrontation and retreats into himself when he’s stressed. A lot of this is covered in much better depth in the metas I mentioned, but I wanted to let you know. Not as an excuse for any of their actions, but as an explanation that might make it a less frustrating watch.

I hope that answer wasn’t too overwhelming. I am just incapable of being normal about these webseries and especially about Benedick Hobbes (look, you don’t simply forget the character who got you through your own social anxiety diagnosis, and this is the obsessing-over-fictional-characters website. I talk about other things too, I promise! xD)

Anyway, thank *you* for allowing me to share some thoughts right back! I hope you enjoy Lolilo! 😊💖🦩

[authorangelita]

2023 FanFic WrapUp

Thanks for the tag @loves-2-read ! I'm so glad you're here to be a part of the Mac community!

1.How many stories did you post?

I posted 17 stories, some chapters of the Rewatch Missing Scenes series, and 1 meta post about Mac's Army uniform.  There was a total of 32,563 words!

2. Which ones were your favorites?

That's tough because I liked all of them for different reasons, and it's hard to choose favorites.  Observations was a really interesting and difficult one to write, and I'm so proud of how it turned out.  It's the one from James' POV where Mac is shot and turns to Jack for comfort.  Fubar is one that I really like how it turned out.  I had the idea of Jack watching Mac bleeding out but not being able to get to him, and it took a little while to figure out what that situation would look like.

No Better Company than Family is also a favorite.  I don't write Bozer that much, but I felt like I really got into his head for this one.  Plus it was about the team rallying around Bozer in one of his most vulnerable moments (the anniversary of his brother's death), and I cannot get enough of that. 

3. Which one was the most satisfying to write?

I wrote a lot of outsider POV fics in 2023, and I think the most satisfying was Charlie Foxtrot.  I introduced a new OC (Viv) to be the main character, which can go a number of bad ways, but I felt like she really worked and had a great POV of Mac and Jack's relationship, especially when Mac was badly injured.

4. The most difficult?

Aside from Observations, Hangin' Tough was hard because Mac was hanging upside down in a parachute tangle.  I wanted it to be realistic, so I spent a lot of time picturing how Mac was hanging and then figuring out how best to describe it.  It was a mess in my brain, but I finally got it written out. 

5. Rec something that you're proud of.

Caretaker + Ginger Ale + Sleep was another difficult one to write because it's from Diane's POV, and we just didn't get enough time with her on-screen to build a full character in my head.  However, I love the Foster Mac verse, and I thought this story worked well with Diane struggling to take care of a sick Mac.

6. Wow us with whatever big thing you might want to work on next!

Oooh! I have so many WIPs - Let's see.  I have the sequel to Out is Through that must be completed this year; it's been a long time coming.  There's also another story in that verse that will take place before Out is Through, but I don't want to give anything away about it except that it will be about grief.

In the Foster Mac verse, I have a fic where Mac moves in with Jack, Diane, and Riley.  And, of course, gets up to shenanigans with Bozer and Riley.

The next fic that will be posted will probably be the one where Jack is in the war room listening over comms when Mac takes a bad fall.  I really wanted to explore the idea of Jack hearing something happening but not being there to actually stop it or help. 

I've lost track of who has played, so if you want to play, please consider this your tag to do so!

[skzhocomments]

I can read your smile - Choi Minho SHINee Fanfic - Chapter 5 - Make a wish

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

Wattpad | AO3

Chapter 4 | Chapter 6

---

Chapter 5 - Make a wish

word count: 2.7k words

The end of the semester was quickly approaching, and with it the finals.

One night, a few days before a very important exam, Crystal knocked on Minho's door.

"Yea?" He asked, and she reluctantly opened it and went inside.

"Sorry for disturbing you..." she started, her eyes trailing off to Minho's desk where lots of books were scattered around. He looked stressed as well, there were dark eyes around his eyes and she hated having to disturb him, but she was in a crisis.

"No worries. What's up?" He brushed his hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes.

"I was reading about this concept but I can't figure out what it means..." she started, then quickly backtracked, being sure she's a pain in the ass. "But you must also be busy, so I'll just ask one of my classmates tomorrow-"

"Come here." He gestured her to come inside, for she was still in the doorframe holding onto her book protectively. "Show me."

She went in like a little child being scolded by their parents and handed him her book, pointing to the one concept she couldn't grasp.

"Why don't you sit down for a bit while I read it?" He smiled and urged her to sit down on the bed, and she obliged, watching him attentively read the paragraph she highlighted.

She didn't make any sounds, not wanting to disturb him as he carefully went through all the lines.

"Okay." He spoke after a few minutes. "What don't you understand from this?" He smiled, so Crystal began explaining the points she had trouble with. It was just a dumb thing probably, but no matter how many times she read it, she couldn't get anything from it.

Maybe she was just tired.

After hearing her out, Minho went with her through all the lines and they had a very proactive conversation on the subject that lasted for about an hour.

"Thank you so much, you're a lifesaver!" She spoke happily after their talk. She was glad to finally understand what she's been struggling with for two days now. Minho had provided her with real life examples as well, and it finally made sense.

"I'm glad I could help you. And I'm glad I actually remembered that stuff." He laughed.

"Do you want some tea?" Crystal smiled.

"I'd kill for a coffee actually."

"No." She smiled cheerfully. "It's too late for coffee, but I will make you a green tea. It has caffeine as well, but it's better for you."

"Okay." He chuckled. "Green tea it is."

There were these small things that Crystal did, which Minho noticed. After he took care of her when she was sick, they seemed to get a bit closer. She was more relaxed, and she started doing small acts of service for him. Every morning, she would leave out breakfast for him, either some fruit, or a sandwich. She woke up earlier than him somehow, even if he would set an alarm. Or she would grab something for him, a protein bar most times, when she went to the supermarket. Or she would wash his dishes if he didn't have enough time to do so between Uni and practice. Or she would do these small things when taking care of him – convince him to drink tea instead of coffee, texting him to grab a jacket before heading out because it's cold, or leaving an umbrella out for him to grab if it would rain that day.

"Would you also like something to eat?" Crystal asked. "Maybe a sandwich? I bought some ham earlier today."

"Sounds good." He smiled. There she was, once again, doing something for him. He wanted to do something for her as well, so he was glad she came and talked to him about what she didn't understand.

Crystal headed to the kitchen and made tea and sandwiches for the both of them, but she didn't want to disturb Minho any further, so she only brought him his share, leaving hers on the kitchen table.

"Thanks." He smiled. "Aren't you having any?"

"I am, but I left them in the kitchen."

"Well, bring them here!" He urged her. "Actually, sit down, I'll bring them!" Before she got the chance to protest, he got up from his chair and rushed to the kitchen, bringing back her plate and her tea mug.

She felt happy, seeing him do this for her. She never had someone get out of their comfort zone to make her comfortable, and Minho kept doing that. She enjoyed his presence and talking to him, and they used this window of opportunity to talk a bit more about their classes, and themselves.

"I struggle badly with motivation to keep studying." Minho confessed after a few minutes while eating his sandwich. "This break is much appreciated."

"Really? You seem like a very determined person, though." Crystal chuckled.

"It's just appearances. When I'm in here, studying on my own, my mind keeps wandering to anywhere else." He laughed.

"Oh no!" Crystal exclaimed. "Is it better when you study with other people?"

"Well, it's definitely more motivating to see someone else actually working. It makes me feel bad I'm not doing the same thing."

"It makes sense, honestly. That's why the library is such an altar of knowledge." She joked as well.

"Crystal, you know what?" He spoke after contemplating for a few seconds. "Why don't you bring your stuff here? Let's study together!"

"Would that help you?" She smiled.

"Definitely! You focus really well, it would surely help me."

"Okay." She stood up and went to her room, grabbing all her books and notebooks.

"Wait, I should bring you a chair so you can sit next to me." Minho wanted to stand up, but Crystal shook her head.

"No need. I'm mostly only reading, so I can sit down on the bed like earlier."

"You sure? Let me know if it gets uncomfortable. I don't want your back to hurt."

"It won't, no worries."

"If it does, you can lay down." Minho suggested.

Crystal nodded and opened her book, starting to read where she left off, and Minho followed suit. He turned his attention to his book, reluctantly opening it back up, and read a few paragraphs before losing focus.

Studying was hard, but he had to do it.

He looked at her – so immersed in what she was reading – and felt his motivation rising. If she could do it, so could he, and damn, she did it flawlessly. Even the things she couldn't understand, she had a great grasp. She was a hard worker.

He liked how disciplined she was when it came to studying, and to living life in general.

~

After about two hours of being immersed in his work, Minho yawned and glanced over at Crystal, who was fast asleep with her books next to her.

She must've fallen asleep while reading. Minho smiled and grabbed the books, placing them on his desk, then turned off the light.

He must've not been thinking clearly at that point. There were a lot of options he could've considered, such as waking Crystal up and urging her to go to her own room, or going there himself, or even going to the couch in the living room.

Still, he picked the most illogical option, and he slipped in bed next to her, making sure to keep a safe distance between their bodies. Making her uncomfortable was the last thing he wanted.

He closed his eyes and breathed in her scent. She smelled sweet, of vanilla. It was somehow comforting to hear her steady breathing, and he quickly fell into a deep slumber.

~

When Crystal woke up, confusion rushed all over her as she took in her surroundings.

She was still in Minho's room, his strong arm engulfing her waist in a hug from behind.

I must've fallen asleep. She thought and took a hold of Minho's arm and moved it from her carefully, so as to not wake him up.

Then, she stood up and looked at him and how peacefully he was sleeping, and she smiled to herself mindlessly.

She fell asleep on his bed by mistake, but he went to sleep next to her deliberately.

After staring at him for a few seconds too long, she went to the kitchen and got started on some breakfast for the both of them.

~

Minho opened his eyes and glanced in front of him, at the empty side of the bed.

Fuck. He cursed in his head. Crystal woke up before me. Again.

He sighed and got up as well, going to freshen up. He contemplated what explanation he should give her; why was he sleeping next to her?

However, when he went to the kitchen, she just welcomed him with a plate of freshly cooked eggs and bacon, and didn't ask him anything.

He didn't bring it up either.

"I'm so glad it's Sunday and I don't have to go to work." She said after they exchanged pleasantries and sat down at the kitchen table.

"I bet." He chuckled. "What are your plans today?"

"Besides studying, not much." She shrugged. "Yours?"

"I wanna hit the gym later."

"Sounds fun." She took a bite of her food. "I've never been to a gym before. What type of workouts are you doing?"

"Wait, never?!" He exclaimed. "Woah! Okay. First the sea, now the gym! Unbelievable! Wanna come with me?"

Crystal chuckled.

"What? Don't think I forgot about the sea. We'll go after the finals are over." He laughed.

"We will? Okay." She laughed as well, not taking him seriously.

"Yes, we will. But before then, wanna come with me to the gym today? I'll show you an easy workout."

"Hmmm." She contemplated. "How much is a membership?"

"Free for people who live in this building." He blurted out quickly.

Of course, that was false, but she didn't need to know that or concern herself that she wouldn't be able to afford it in her monthly expenses. He was going to pay for her and simply not tell her.

"Tempting." She chuckled.

"Let's go after breakfast." He said with resolve.

"It's not good to exercise after eating."

"It is, if you wait like 30 minutes." He countered.

"I can't get out of this, can I?" She joked.

"No." Minho grinned and grabbed his and her empty plate, taking them to the sink to wash. "You can go get changed."

She found his enthusiasm funny.

Then she found it not so funny when he actually made her do a pretty tiring workout, and she almost died of exhaustion.

Either way, they went to the gym together. Minho would go every day, and he would take Crystal with him every few days, helping her build up more strength. He also got her eating two meals before she had to go to work, and he was proud of himself for that.

They also continued with their new studying routine.

Crystal would come to his room every evening (or night, if she was working that day), they would study together and talk to each other about what they were reading, then they would go to sleep in Minho's bed; of course, never at the same time. Minho would wait until Crystal would fall asleep, and she would, with no doubt, because most days she worked 8-hour shifts and was exhausted, then he would swiftly slip in next to her, listening to her breathing, sometimes watching her chest fall up and down if she would sleep on her back, watching how cute her expression was when she was dreaming.

He loved sleeping next to her. It helped him fall asleep easily as well, because he genuinely enjoyed her being there with him, and he was always the type of person who loved being in others' presence.

It was all innocent, for neither of them was thinking about the other in any inappropriate ways, afraid to make the other uncomfortable. He didn't even want to start thinking of her as something more than a friend, and Crystal wouldn't allow herself to think differently either.

She would steal a glance every now and then, especially when Minho was working out, but she was doing her best to not develop any kind of feelings towards him. He was just her roommate, and maybe her friend.

Nothing more, nothing less.

---

The last exam Crystal had happened to fall on 15th June, coincidentally her birthday.

She asked the cook of the restaurant she worked at to make her two of his signature chocolate muffins, and she managed to talk her boss into letting her go home earlier. By the time 11 PM hit the clock, she was almost back at the apartment.

She went in and knocked happily on Minho's door, wanting to celebrate with him.

Truth is, she's never celebrated her birthday before, nor did she ever make it a big deal, because she always knew that no one truly cared about her, so what was the point? She would only grab something sweet, a muffin or a donut, and she would stick a single candle in it and blow it, but she would never tell anyone, not even people she considered friends. She was glad she did so, because not one of them stuck with her throughout the years. What even are friends, and why couldn't she form any meaningful relationships?

Now, however, after spending more time with Minho, she got hopeful, and she felt ready for the first time to tell someone that she was born today, 21 summers ago. In fact, it was the first time ever she actually wanted to tell someone, and to celebrate. She wanted to tell him.

She really thought he was going to be excited to see her, and that he would be the first person to ever wish her a happy birthday and mean it.

She knocked on his door and placed the two muffins behind her, in her right hand.

"Come in." He spoke, so she opened the door.

He didn't even look at her.

"Hey." She smiled either way.

"Hey, welcome back. Is it urgent?" He asked with a sigh. Something was wrong, he was not his usual cheerful self.

"... is everything okay?" She asked him, noting the unusual urgency in his voice.

"We have a big game in 3 days and I'm stressing out over what other techniques we could use."

"Oh. I see. Sorry for disturbing you." She said, hoping that he'll correct her, that he'd tell her she wasn't, and maybe that he'd turn around and smile at her, and she would give him his muffin, and tell him that it's her birthday, and he would wish her well, and maybe even sing her Happy Birthday.

"No worries. If there's nothing important, let's speak tomorrow, yea?" He turned around for the first time since she entered his room and smiled briefly, before turning his back once more.

Wishful thinking.

"Yea. There's nothing important. Just wanted to say hi." Her smile got washed off her face, and she felt stupid.

"Okay." He nodded. "I'm glad you got home safe."

"Yea. I brought you a muffin, by the way." She tried as a last attempt.

"Oh, thanks, but I'm not hungry. You can eat it."

"Okay. Good luck." She spoke, feeling her heart fall out of her chest.

She was wrong, after all.

~

Crystal made her way to her room and placed the muffins on her desk, looking at them. A few minutes ago, they were a symbol of happiness and celebration, but now, they just looked like a sad chocolate mess. They lost their appeal completely.

She took the small candle she bought earlier and stuck it in one of the cupcakes, lighting it.

She watched it burn for a while, seeing small bits of wax falling on top of the hardened frosting, and she knew she should've blown it out already, otherwise it was going to make a mess.

She should've been happy. It was her birthday!

Somehow, though, she never felt worse. Not even when she celebrated it alone all those years.

Tears were streaming down her face when she finally blew out the candle, and she made no wish.

It was heartbreaking to get used to someone's company and have expectations of them, only for them to disappoint you like this. Crystal's heart broke all over again, thinking over Minho's cold tone.

She took a bite off her cupcake, and felt sick, so she decided against eating it, and with disappointment weighing heavily on her, she grabbed them both and went to the kitchen, throwing them away.

---

Chapter 4 | Chapter 6

[byorder-fanfic]

Sick Fic Rec

I have finally got my diagnoses and I am over the freaking moon!! In honour of all of the wonderfully diverse peaky fandom and peaky fics, I have put together a list of all my favourite peaky blinders fics about illness! Thanks to all of the authors here cause you've really helped me get through this really difficult time with some lovely fanfic!

Peaky Blinders- How They Care for Their Disabled S/O by @a-libra-writes

This pretty much hits the nail on the head! Whilst I don't identify as disabled, these are all very truthful depictions of the way disabled and ill people feel/act and I love that all the characters react so differently!

Partner Having Bipolar by @jammesbarnnes

Again, I don't have bipolar disorder but there are so many similarities between how I feel and this is just a really sweet preference for a very misunderstood disorder. I could go on forever about how much I love Enna's writing but I'll try not to embarrass myself too much.

How they help you when your anxiety is bad by @imaginesbymk

As someone with anxiety, this was so wonderful for me to read!

Morning Sugar by @interstellarrambles

This writer and this fic are two of my favourites in the whole peaky blinders fandom! I love how she has written isaiah as having a disability and i just think it's the cutest story ever!

Fearful and Regret by @randomoutsiders

A friend of mine also has epilepsy and these fics really helped me understand how it feels for her, and everyone else who has it! I loved the different reactions from the family and, even though the 20s wasn't a great time for people with any kind of illnesses, the family are so supportive and lovely.

Hospital Visit by @bonniesgoldengirl

Every person whose ill (whether chronically or otherwise) knows just how much time is spent in hospital. And I know for a fact my hospital visits would be a lot nicer if this happened to me.

S/O with glasses and Part 2 by @peakyposts

Technically, glasses count as a disability/impairment. My favourite thing about these headcanons is thinking about how everyone seems to like the glasses/find them cute but 1920s glasses looked ridiculous (maybe thats just me though).

Quiet Courage by @fallatyourfeet

I honestly think the Shelby family would be so protective if their little sister had any kind of illness and this fic really shows the gentler side of the family.

Breathe in the Air by @theshelbyclan

A reader with asthma who is the biggest baddest business Shelby? It's everything I didn't know I needed!

Happy Little Pill by @cas-kingdom

I'm actually going to be on medicine (at some point) and this is such a powerful story about family and how everyone reacts when they found out you're struggling. Fair warning, I may have sobbed a little.

Shelby Sis with sensory issues by @milkacchan

I absolutely love the dynamics of shelby family looking after their sibling with any kind of illness or issues, and this is another really nice one that shows how the family adapts around their sibling!

Shelby Boys x s/o with autism by @murswrites

One thing I don't see a lot of is romantic imagines between readers with neurodivergency/any kind of illness and the peaky characters, but this one is a really thoughtful and sweet preference for the shelby brothers.

Alfie dating someone with anxiety by @wouldpollyapprove

Since finding out I have anxiety and OCD, I have clung to Alfie as my comfort character because much like him I have a skin condition and chronic pain, and I just bloody love him. So, you can imagine how unbelievably happy I was when I found this lovely headcanon!! I keep on rereading it because it's just so perfect.

So, that's that! If anyone else has any fics they'd like to add on, and if I see any more, then I'll definitely update this. Plus, if you keep an eye out, I will be doing a lot more fics around these kinds of things if you're interested. All my love to the writers and many thanks for your work!

[goldenavenger02]

I posted 2,026 times in 2021

493 posts created (24%)

1533 posts reblogged (76%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.1 posts.

I added 1,149 tags in 2021

#teen wolf - 220 posts

#ninjago - 173 posts

#susz speaks - 144 posts

#lego ninjago - 125 posts

#stiles stilinski - 104 posts

#marvel - 98 posts

#mcu - 97 posts

#scott mccall - 71 posts

#dylan o'brien - 59 posts

#ask game - 58 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#so most of my intrest is probably coming from nostaglia and fond memories and being able to bond with majority of my siblings and less of

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Alright, what Ninjago scene has stuck with you since you watched it? Sad, funny, scary, wholesome, I just wanna know.

Mine is the scene where The Overlord possesses Garnadon, that shit scared me as a 10 year old and 9 years later, it still is vivid in my head

71 notes • Posted 2021-09-11 23:55:31 GMT

#4

Season two be like

73 notes • Posted 2021-08-24 18:22:05 GMT

#3

Interview with a fanfic author tag!

I came up with this idea in the shower so if I'm taking someone else's idea, all credit goes to them.

This is just a way to get to know an author better that I thought would be fun!

Your favorite fic that you've written (or just one you want to give a shout out to)

Definitely my favorite fic I've written (as of now) is sheltering the boy I knew (from all the hell I've put him through). It was a collaboration I did with @angels-creative where Peter was involved in WandaVision.

2. Your favorite fic title that you've come up with

Probably they see right through me (can you see right through me?). it's a Taylor Swift lyric from her song The Archer, but it really fits the context of the story because Lloyd is both struggling to get back to normal after he was possessed, but also trying to hide the fact that he's sick.

3. How do you get inspiration to write?

I listen to a lot of music, but I also go back and watch the source material. Reading (fanfic or otherwise) is also really helpful.

4. Your favorite genre/subgenre of fic to write.

Angst is so fun because you get to dive into the character (or characters) mind and trauma, but any time I can make humor work, it's just so fun and is definitely a favorite, although rare.

5. Do you have other hobbies?

I really love coloring and reading, but also make-up is a huge passion of mine.

6. A fun fact about you that a lot of people may not know.

I'm really good at cooking and I think it's from my dad.

7. Pick one character to self project onto, go!

Stiles Stilinski, my man, I am so sorry for how I treat you. I just relate to you a little too much.

8. Favorite genre of music.

Pop. Cause it really can encompass anything. But if I actually have to pick something, I love rock music.

9. Your favorite singer/band

At the moment, it's Taylor Swift, but I'm really obsessed with Tyler Posey too.

10. And finally, how has your experience in fandom been?

I've been involved in fandom culture since December 2015, and there have been ups and downs for sure, but I've really found my people now, and I'm in a really good place with fandom.

Tagging: @angels-creative @marvelous-writer @hailing-stars @rosiehunterwolf @blondsak @doctornineandthreequarters @endless-whump @forasecondtherewedwon @justme--emily @ninja-go-to-therapy and anyone else who wants to do the tag!

81 notes • Posted 2021-09-06 02:42:37 GMT

#2

Someone just pointed out to me that Stiles was having issues reading in early 3B because foxes can't read and why didn't I pick up on that sooner?

91 notes • Posted 2021-03-14 14:49:12 GMT

#1

This movie will kill me when it comes out. @angels-creative make sure my funeral is good

94 notes • Posted 2021-08-17 21:36:51 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[purplerose244]

My thoughts on Ninjago the Island!!! 🏝🏝🏝

So, gotta be honest... this is not a Blind reaction thing, I actually watched it in French first so I know most of the stuff already 😅 It's entertaining, it got great animation, but nothing more than that in my opinion 🤷‍♀️

Still there is stuff I liked or I want to point out, and finally I'm seeing the English version so I can actually understand what the HECK they are saying 🤩

Alright, nothing else to say, here we go!

UNCHARTED

I haven't actually seen anything Clutch Powers related before Ninjago, is he always like this? I love that he is a jerk honestly, just wondering 😂

Press F for respect for intern Dwaine (at least he seems to like being... used?)

Clutch: It's just a bunch of rocks! It's not alive!

Totem: I'm about to end this man's whole career

Wait, Misako is part of the explorers club? ... that would have come in handy in season 11 to get the scroll of Forbitten Spinjitzu from the club instead of begging uncle Powers for it... *sighs* I don't mind plot holes in Ninjago like most fans I think, but if you wanna make Misako relevant again at least pay attention to the details 😅

Wow, after the end of season 13 I would've thought Wu was going to go through a midlife crisis, not Misako 😂😂

Oww, everytime I hear I get 😢 Bless your soul Kirby, always in our hearts 🖤🖤🖤

Well hello Brian

Always nice to see you 😊

Twitchy Tim must have been pretty interesting to voice 🤔 I like him enough, he's fun and all, maybe not at the level of the characters we got last season

Okay, the place is called the STORM belt, there are LIGHTNINGS, and the sand of the beach is BLUE. Are we gonna address any of these similarities to our Bluebell here or not? 😅

Wait, Tim was giving a hot air balloon tour, does that mean other people where with him? What of them? Are they dead? Did he let them die on the island?... am I reading too much into this? Probably 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Alright, the part of the boats? SO COOL 🤩🤩 I literally can't say anything bad about the animation at this point

Why did they think leaving Kai, Jay and Cole on one boat was going to be a good idea 😂 Also Zane just randomly doing sick tricks on his vehicle, love that nindroid

I'm guessing Nya is keeping her water abilities for her season 🤷‍♀️

Yep, yep, this is why the creators try to keep Pixal out of the adventures, with her everything is way too cool and easy to access to 😎😎

Twitchy Tim: There are statues that become alive!!

Lloyd:... so it's a season 2 stone army ripoff, we've seen worse

It's a cute episode overall 👍

THE KEEPERS OF THE AMULET

OKAY THE INTRO IS SO FREAKING COOL 🤩🤩🤩🤩

So Twitchy Tim has temporarily taken over Jay's role of spazzing out and complain about worse case scenarios... in another occasion they might have bonded over this, maybe 😂

Okay, survival position? MOOD

Nya: DRAGOOON 😱

Me: DRAGOOOOOOON 😍😍😍

Why am I not surprised that Jay was the one that named him Zippy? 💙 Also HE'S SO CUTE 💕💕💕 Love how in every adventure, we always get very different types of dragon in this show 👌 I'm a simple person, I see a dragon... 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

Oh-oh, it's the "Lloyd's done with this crap"'s face

This means serious business... am I that used to LEGO characters that this way of crossing arms on the chest looks almost normal to me? 😅

Soooo, Master of the Mountain clearly gave Cole too much development... because now he got demoted to "the one who is always hungry" 🤦‍♀️ I'm all for Cole's endearing love for cakes, which is super relatable, but if you're gonna push it on his fun side, at least be coherent 🙃

Is it just me or it feels like the writing of this special was made by someone different from the one of season 13? Like, it's not bad, just less engaging and witty. For now. Maybe I'm being premature 🤷‍♀️

New way of nerfing powers, we got... weird, sucking power totem thingies... OKAY

My gosh I really can't say anything about the animation, look at that! It's all cinematic with such a light! YES!! 🤩

I'M SORRY

WHY ARE WE LOOKING OVER THIS??? IT LOOKS LIKE COLE'S LAVA PUNCHES BUT THEY ARE JAY LIGHTNING FEET??? IT'S A GREAT IDEA AND I WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT AGAIN??? WHY ARE WE IGNORING THIS??? 💙💙💙💙

So they at least addressed that lightning isn't a Jay's thing only anymore 😅

Alright, Jay having a mental breakdown because of a bridge because it always breaks, that's the Bluebell I know and love 😂😂 Nya telling him to keep moving was cute too 💙❤💙❤

Okay, I'm sorry but this really bothers me, what kind of lightning can instantly knock out the MASTER OF LIGHTNING??? Like, my gosh, really??? I hope they give us an explanation, like it's some sort of special lightning, because this really doesn't sit right with me. Jay is lightning proof, we've seen it in Skybound, we've seen it in Sons of Garmadon, I DON'T BELIEVE HE WOULD JUST BE KNOCKED OUT LIKE THAT 😡😡😡

Soooooo, storm amulet? Being one with the lightning? Is that the reason why Jay got to be the sacrifice? 😅

THE GIFT OF JAY

Alright, I am kinda looking forward for this one, what did Bluebell actually say or do to get him into trouble this time 😂😂

Oh, he just... introduced himself... well that was underwhelming

SENSEI👏YOU👏ARE👏A👏FREAKING👏GOD👏STOP👏GETTING👏KIDNAPPED👏BY👏RANDOM👏VILLAINS👏

Bring ooooon Lloyd Grills 💪

Okay I did like the little speech, definitely resonates with how Lloyd survived this long even though everything wanted him to give up, even his father... I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING 😭

Jay out there making the real questions 😂

Awwww Edna used to call him gift of Jay? I can totally see it, so cute 💙💙 Makes even more sense if Libber actually left Jay at the Walkers' door...

Pff, Jay made the connection I would've done honestly 🤷‍♀️ Like, him being the master of lightning really didn't give these dudes any impression or inspiration? Any cool idea, full Road of El Dorado style? 🙃🙃

Lloyd out there abusing of the animation budget 💚💚💚

Somehow these ninja never actual sneak in, it's always a huge mess everyone knows about beforehand 😂 It's familiar though, I'm used to it and happy with it 👍

I might not be the biggest Misako fan, but you know what I am a fan of?

LEGO HUGS 😍😍😍😍😍

Dang it uncle Powers, you just got here to make a mess did you 😅

Not the first person of the fandom to say this, but Jay looks absolutely lovely with that flower crown 🌺🌺🌺

Oh poor greenie

Lloyd just has the worst luck 😓

Jay: Why would I be the gift?

Kai: Yeah who would want Jay?

Nya: Huh, me?? 😡

Got some very good Jaya for this little special, can't complain 💙❤💙❤

I mean, not matter how big of a snake Wojira might turn out to be, we've already seen the biggest and the second biggest snake of all so 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Whoa, at last... IT WAS THE FIRST SPINJITZU MASTER THAT HAD SOMETHING HE SHOULD'VE TOLD WU A LONG TIME AGO!! 😱 Wu, you got pulled a Wu, how does it feel? 😂

Again, Jay freaking out, kinda my jam it's too funny 💙💙

Wow Kai way to be hominous offscreen 👏👏 I miss talking about my flame babe, this really isn't his time 🤷‍♀️

THE TOOTH OF WOJIRA

So when I first watched this I was genuinely, really excited about knowing the truth behind all this. It turned out very different from what I first thought, but at least in this case it's okay (besides I was pushing with the lightning meaning just to see Libber again 😅😅😅)

I feel like the guys get their powers stolen or blocked so much it takes them a minute to remember "Oh wait I can literally burn my way out" 🤷‍♀️

SPINJITZU YAY 🤩

I... forgot that Misako knows how to fight 😅 She knows how to do spinjitzu too if I remember correctly...

NYA BEING LIKE "OUT OF THE WAY IMMA SAVE MY BOYFRIEND AGAIN" ❤💙❤💙

Gotta love how they were all crazy worried about Jay, like, this is something that never changes through the show. They really care so so much for each other 💕💕💕

Ooohhhh, okay, so Wojira does seem to be the main villain of next season according to the story. I remember Tommy saying that we needed to have faith and this is probably why. The special was okay, nothing too much, and hopefully that too much we will see in Nya's season 😍😍😍

What the- pff, I didn't notice this the first time 😂

At this point I can't tell if that one short with the chicken of the movie carried a hate or a love for chickens in the actual show 😂😂

Nice to see Jay standing up for himself at least for a little while 💪 Also Lloyd being "He's our trouble", aww family 💜

THERE IT IS

MY BRUISE HEART IS SOARING 🖤💙🖤💙

Gotta give props to the voice actors, voicing an explanation while fighting must be pretty hard! WE ARE BLESSED WITH AN AMAZING CAST!!! 🤩🤩🤩

And there he is, our favorite jerk... shaved Ronin 😂 He does look a little weird, but it's fair, new animation and all. Not the weirdest until now 🤷‍♀️

I genuinely had to make a mental check to see where we are with Ronin now, like, he started as a villain, then a partner, he betrayed us, became an ally, he hunted the ninja, then joined them, that timeline was erased, he was around in SoG and... wow this man is chaotic 😂😂

Yaaaay, Twitchy's last minute redemption act! Lloyd is too good at motivational speeches 👏👏

A bit of Lava OTP/BrOTP

Cause it's good for the heart ❤🖤❤🖤

Okay, Scooby doo reference, why not? Also honestly, I'm confident Ronin has seen A LOT of jails and prisons... probably won't stay behind bars for long 😅

Mammatus: sorry for imprisoning you and almost killing your friend

Kai: no biggie, that's how we make friends in this show

Alright the "And Clutch Powers" gag made me chuckle 😂 ... wait where is he- DANG IT UNCLE POWERS

Okay, this is the last time I say it I promise, but I mean. I MEAN

THE ANIMATION GUYS 😍😍😍

Aaaaand sensei you jinxed it 😅 But you apparently awakened Nya's season so I'm gonna forgive you on this one 😉

FINAL THOUGHTS

There are a few little details that bothered me a little, and it wasn't as exciting as I maybe hoped it was going to be, but it was fine. Enjoyable still. These characters make me like the show, even when it got nothing too impactful 🤷‍♀️

But I got triggered about that lightning thing with Jay 😅 I guess I'll just fanfic whatever I had in mind...

Don't have to repeat myself about the animation *chef's kiss*

The writing was really less engaging, a little normal in a way? Idk just a feeling. Nice to see Ronin again though, I really like him. And nice to see Jay freaking out, I really like that too 😂

To be honest I wanted to put down my thoughts on this one because I REALLY wanna do the same with Nya's season 🤩🤩 I already know that Maya is gonna be there and I am so HAPPY already!!! 💙💙💙

So that's it from me! Thank you for reading me ranting, see you next season! 😊

[lucyskywalker]

I may be a Arya stan; but Dany is my second favorite character, so I am here to defend her and I got fucking tired of this hipocrisy. Warning: If there are mistakes on it, I'm sorry, because Im not a specialisty on Dany's arc. This is just me wanting to get some frustration out of my chest.

I'm getting tired to open Twitter, Quora and Reddit with all the ASoIaF "intelectuals" calling Dany a tyrant, when it is clear that they don't even know what the word means. Calling her a slaver. Calling her a monster. Also, there are uncountable that points out she would be nothing without Viserys. You guys know who I'm talking about, right? The one who abused his little sister emocionally, phisically and sexually. Sold his little sister as a slave/let clear that would not raise a hand if all the khalaser raped her, because he needed an army. This Viserys is the only one Im talking about.

"Poor Viserys. He didn't deserve it."

"Poor slaver, mad Danielle destroyed the economy."

"Poor masters crucified. They only have grown in this community. They are not wrong. This fucking white savior is."

Those people have the audacity to say it, and after that, the same profiles change all Sansa's storyline, says Sansa deserves the dragons, what she could do with dragons, and I'm damm sure they are the ones who writes and read fanfics where they put their dear redhead on Dany's place.

The audacity of some people is something infuriating. You know what? Dany is NOT a fucking TYRANT, much less a slaver. How can you point it out, when Dany was a SLAVE herself?! She was SOLD to the dothraki! Why this needs to be said?!

Because she liked the dothraki?

Dany was a pre-teen that was mentally, phisically and sexually abused during her all life, and this is OBVIOUSLY include her childhood.

She just started liking the dothraki after she accepts and takes "control" of her sexual life; or better, just accepts being raped by Drogo as a part of her life, in exchange of it she is respected by the whole khalasar and is gifted with "love" and "care". This is disgusting. It is more disgusting people calling her a bitch because of it! DAENERYS WAS THIRTEEN YEARS OLD! GIVE A THIRTEEN YEARS OLD CHILD WHO WAS ALWAYS ABUSED AND HARESSAD BY HER OWN BROTHER A BIT OF CARE AND " SICK LOVE" THIS CHILD WILL LOVE THEM BACK! THIS IS THE BASIC OF PSICHOLOGY WHEN YOU DEAL WITH AN ABUSE SURVIVOR! THIS IS WHY VICTIMS OF ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS TENDS TO DEFEND THEIR ABUSERS! THAT'S THE REASON DANY STILL REMEMBERS OF DROGO AND VISERYS FOUNDLY EVEN IN ADWD!

The dragons? Dany LOVES her dragons! The mother of dragons is not only a nicknam, much less a title. For Dany they are her children! But she is afraid, she was afraid because she finally saw her loved children were dangerous creatures to others. This is why she locks them. It hurts her, but the safety of her people comes first. She choose to make this sacrifice.

Also for all the crazy people who says Dany would be nothing without her dragons and it was given to her, I say "shut up". Dany was presented with eggs. Who've read Fire & Blood or payed a fucking attention in ASoIaF knows that having dragon eggs means nothing! The eggs were stone! Dead to everyone! In centuries, since the Dance with Dragons there were no dragons. Targaryens loose their life trying to hatch them. Dany is special. She entered into the fire, without knowing she would survive, and the dragons hatched. She was the first kalheesi ever to lead a khalasar. The khalasar just follow the strong ones.

About the tyranny? I can write a fucking whole essay about her called "tyranny". Dany is harsh, this is true. She is vengeful. But you know what more she is? Daenerys is just!

She was an outsider who saw a whole community that enslaved people, children, men and women, and saw that it was fucking wrong!

More than that. Dany saw it was wrong, but she also saw she could change it. She had the power to make it better. So she did.

In centuries, westerosi people and anothers have seen slavery, some despised but didn't do anything to change the situation. Dany was the only one in centuries to see it by what it was and try to change the disgusting slaver culture in slaver's bay.

She could have taken only the unsullied and sailed to Westeros, but no. She choose to stay and make things right. She decided to fight for freedom.

More than that, as queen of Meereen she tries her best to be the best ruler she can be. She wants her people to love her, and she works for it intead of being passive as someone we know damm well. She hears her councillors. Would a tyrant do that? No. Aerys was a tyrant. He would kill anyone who speaks against his will. Dany is not that person. She is not her father. This is her writing. She is a Targaryen through and through, but a tyrant? Never. This is thesis of her arc ass it can be stated by Barristan Selmy who served the Mad King.

Was it wrong to end slavery? I don't think so. Dany tought it was only ending slavery, but she finally saw the political consequence of it, and what I love about her? She is not running away from it. She is facing the consequences bravely. She decided to marry again to please the meereen people and the called "sons of the harpy", because she wanted peace! She wanted her people to stop suffering. This was her wish. More than the iron throne.

The iron throne? Is it wrong for her to want justice and blood from the ones she believes betrayed a good King? To want what is hers by birthright? Because this is what Daenerys knew about her father. Aerys was a good king, betrayed by the Lannister, Baratheon and Starks because the usurpers wanted the throne. Viserys told it to her since she was a young child. It was a fact. How is Dany supposed to know every damn thing? Just recently she is learning the truth of how mad Aerys was.

Also, if people get mad if Dany rides Drogon in the next book, I say fuck you. It's a war she is fighting. Her enemies would be glad to see her head on a spike. If Dany fights back, I will congrelute her.

Dany is incredible complex, with flaws and a lot of redeem qualities. Her arc is awesome to read. If you can't stand that war, death, and that there are no perfect hero, you are at the wrong fandom. ASoIaF is not for you. Get out of here.

And for the stansas and jonsas, because these disgusting people who claim those things can just be part of darling redhead. What your "favorite" have done untill now in the books? Betrayed her family? Survived? Killing her cousin what you claim she is too dumb for noticing? Wow. How spacial. It is easy to "love" such a great incredible cough* passive classicist*cough character. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I know damm well who I stan.

I stan Daenerys of House Targaryen

I stan Arya of House Stark.

I accept their flaws and qualities equally. And I love them for being such incredible grey complexes characters.

For the ones that still say "poor Viserys", and "poor slavers" and "poor masters", I just say one thing:

[sinnabonka]

Hey Hun! Lots of love to you. For starters I wanted to say that there should be no cell in your body blaming yself in any way. You and your blog were hope for so many people. You were the "you are not crazy" of the final weeks, and I'm forever grateful to you. Instead of dying of anxiety I managed to have a blast in this time of waiting, thanks to you. I passed my master thesis, because you gave me strength to see past the fear. I laughed in those weeks more than in last 5 years, and all of it because of the hope you gave me.

The rest of the msg is going to be pretty emotional rant about the awfulness of it all, and I know my opinion doesn't matter to anyone but I wanted someone important to me to hear my thoughts, if that's ok. It's also ok if you don't want to read it ofc. It's like my breakup letter to the show.

I hear many people cheering for the finale and i find it really hard to deal with. I always considered myself an open person who fights for healthy love as the only redeeming quality of the universe. I could see people's point of view, even if it didn't sit well with mine, and I would always try to hear them out respectfully until they weren't being respectful themselves. That said, I'm fully unable to understand cheering for this type of spiteful content and hearing those cheers makes me feel like the entire world is listening to "this is how you treat your fans, this is how to abuse your power over naive sheep, this is how to keep dumb, hopeful minorities in check" and taking notes.

It also upsets me that the people who gave this show all of themselves and tried to understand it to the core are given no resolution, are spitted on and buried under the rug for doing their best to appreciate the art and the story it was telling. Yet people, who just hang around and watch the show doing the dishes, with no consideration to it's story or characters, got as nonsensical ending as their whole idea of character development in SPN.

I know people say that it was good enough, because it leaves space for guessing and own interpretation, but I feel it's really undermining the extend to which the finale was awful and hurtful to the fans. There is no end that realistically could stop fanfic writers from finding way around it in the world of Supernatural, so saying it was thoughtful of them Is like excusing abusive partner because "they could hit me harder, but they didn't. That means they care"

Lose ends, characters being written in a way that is totally not true to them and their development (personally my biggest allegation), dismissing years of story development, proving that it was all 'queerbaiting' in big part in the end (hell, even the whole "Cas is in heaven so do with it what you will" is a shameful way of appalling to LGBTQ community after using them so hard.

In the pie scene, the roles should be swapped, it's Dean who should say that Cas is on his mind and Sam explaining him that it's only right to keep on living doing good in their name. That's what Dean told Sam at the beginning of the season, when Sam lost Rowena, so it would be at least a bit poetic. This would at least give us some truth from Dean for once, but he died how he lived, in shadow of his fear to be true towards his feelings and needs. And as he died, he bound his little brother to the hunting till the end of his days, by guilting him into it on his deathbed. Guess Dean took after his father.

Have you realised what that emotional "love speech" from Dean to Sam resulted in? It was writers taking back Cas' confession after they didn't need our viewership anymore.

They basically gave us love confession to get us to follow the finale and when they didn't need us anymore, not only they didn't commit to the confession, but they undermined it by having Dean's speech to Sam go the way it did with obviously higher emotional charge, successfully taking back the value of Cas' confession and making it about a bait for "Tumblr idiots"

Finale killed my feelings towards Destiel, not because it wasn't confirmed canon, but because from what I see in the episode, they canonically confirmed that

- for Dean, Cas was only means to an end, which is such an awful way of ending Cas' character arc. They gave him everything he was scared of and nothing close to consolation price and they dare to tell us he had a happy ending, "because they said so". Well, I didn't see him being happy, and knowing what i textually know i can empathise enough to say that he faced a miserable finish. Even Chuck got an end that was better than Cas' fate.

- Dean, given power to do anything he could dream of, chooses to not even greet Cas, after Cas gave his whole life to Dean, told him he loved him and died for him. I know some people consider the little smirk of Dean confirmation of his feelings, but let's be real for just a second. If someone you deeply loved for years confessed to you, told you they thought you don't love them back, you would be freaking running to see them and tell them how much you love them. That smirk to me reads as "I'm relieved to know you're not going to spend eternity in mega hell that i left you in" and we really need to stop giving credit to writers for scraps like this when it's the last episode ever and we know this isn't going anywhere.

Not to mention that by having Jack bring Cas back behind the scenes it just highlights the fact that Dean didn't ask him to do that in episode 19.

As result, I'm unable to look at any Destiel scene and not think "in here Cas already loved him and in here Dean already abuses the power he had over Cas, because of his one-sided love"

And yet, the episode and endgames for everyone (maybe not Sam, but he was seriously pinning for Dean his entire life. Wincest much?) managed to be so bad, that not even bringing Cas back or following up on Destiel would make a difference in my eyes. I know you believe that Destiel would save it, but for me as much as it would be a redeeming quality, it wouldn't be enough to save this awfulness that writer doomed characters with.

And all the Wincest scenes in the finale... I low key expected them to make out and it made me feel physically sick. Also, cutting Misha out because of coronavirus is a cheap excuse. We all know better than to believe that, so let's not fall for the self pity play from the abuser.

If you managed to stay with me till this point, thank you so much for hearing me out. I hope i didn't anger you with my monologue. I will always think of the lamp when i think of you. The reality is that you were the lamp for so many of us in this darkness.

Love you so much, wish all the best to you, take care of yourself and stay safe!

Oh my god, if I didn’t cry with the final, I definitely am crying now. And now I have to explain my partner why I’m staring at my laptop and sobbing ugly. What have you done? 

First of all, I hear you pain, my friend! I share it! I didn’t spend a second after the final without the feeling of my heart being shuttered into million pieces, being stitched back just to break again, and so on and so on. 

I had my first panic attack in two years yesterday, when I kept thinking about the message the show sent to the fandom via Dean’s fate. I have a few posts in my draft on the matter, but I am not sure I will ever share them, because it is one strong depresso, and I don’t think people following me should see how fucked up it really is (if they didn’t get it by themselves, of course). 

I want to remind you, my gentle soul, that the story belongs to us. We know Dean, we know Cas, we know Sam and others. We know that the final is not who they are! I know it’s hard to ignore the text, the canon, because it’s kinda godsent, but the truth is essential. And the final is not the truth.

The truth: 

Cas loves Dean, he sacrificed himself for him, he saved his life on multiple occasions, he told all those beautiful things and he meant every word.

Dean loves Cas, he was on his lowest every time he lost him, Cas was his “big win”, his best friend, his brother, his white light that lead him out of his anger, hatred and despair. He took a dog and called it Miracle, he was looking for a job to retire from hunting, he didn’t kill Chuck - all of that, because the sacrifice Cas made was not in vain! The message was clear. 

I choose to ignore the “Carry on”, the only attention it is going to get is me creating 20 more mails just to put a one star review there and to drop some more salty or bitter comments with it. Maybe I will read through some reviews, too, add them to my collection. 

Maybe I will one day write here an article from scriptwriting perspective how fucked up in was, because that’s what I can do about it, without throwing up. 

If you can’t ignore it, I understand it. It is painful, it is disrespectful, I hate it as much as you do, probably. 

If there’s anything I can do for you to feel better, just drop me a message, we can talk about it. I am on the lowest, too, but maybe we can help each other.

You say I was your lamp. Let me lead you our of the darkness one more time <3 

CW can suck my metaphorical dick (I’m tagging every angry post with it), but Supernatural is not just the show on CW, it’s a big family. 

And you can’t give up on it! You can’t give up on Dean and Cas, you can’t give up on Destiel! It’s so much bigger then the show itself.

Rediscover the show for yourself, remind yourself that Dean and Cas are real, it was never one sided, it was always something amazing. 

What is real? We are.

Don’t you ever change.

I rather have you, cursed or not.

It’s love, hun, and love always wins. 

[themadauthorshatter]

(Approaches stand and microphone in shackles, but smiling because I'm an asshole😅)

I stand before you all as a traitor to my fandom, as a criminal charged with forbidden shipping on the first degree. I plead not guilty, but insanity instead, AND ON THE TERMS THAT I HAVE NO REGRETS BECAUSE I'M BORED AND HAVE SOME WRITER'S BLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A while back, I made a post wondering what would happen if Cal had to marry Iris instead of Evangeline, and my poor, love sick heart couldn't help but make these two get along. This is going to get REALLY fanfic-y, so if you're not fond of this idea, I'll understand if you don't read this.

Regardless,

Here are my personal headcanons of what I think(or hope) would happen if Cal and Iris were betrothed Part 1: The news. Aka: I need to stop pickimg on Cal😅

Tibe only got the idea when Maven made a side comment about it. Elara yelled at him for it, but stopped when she realized his plan and sort of fanned the flame in Tibe's mind.

IT BACKFIRED.

At the breakfast table, a week later, Tibe delivered the news: CAL was going to marry Iris Cygnet of the Lakelands while Maven married Evangeline.

Elara's face dropped into an, "ARE YOU SHITTING ME!?" look.

Maven choked on his food.

Cal was torn between wanting to scream and being in shock at the news. He was silent as Elara demanded answers and Tibe explained why he was making such a risky move. Maven tried getting his attention, but got no response. When the king and queen where done arguing, Cal finally responded:

"No."

You know that one look a parent gives you? The wild, murder eyes when you do something wrong and you have at least 10 seconds left to live? Tibe gives Cal that exact look.

Elara and Maven exchange wide eyed looks and brace themselves when Cal repeats himself. He also explains why it could possibly be a terrible idea because of how the Lakelanders could only agree because all they want are Nortan resources.

Tibe is not having any of this.

It quickly turns into a yelling match with Elara and Maven only watching out of astonishment, because they've heard of Cal and Tibe arguing, but never had a front row seat to see it actually happening.

The argument continues until Tibe pulls the emotional manipulation card and asks Cal if he wants to be the one responsible for Norta's fall.

Of course it gets Cal to stop arguing, but he does utter that he won't be the king that SET UP that fall before storming out of the room.

Tibe sits back down and does that stressed, head holding thing as he leans his elbows against the table.

There's a long stretch of silence. No one talks. Elara only talks to Maven through her whispers, and even then, all he can do is give the most minute of gestures as they "converse."

I know I'm playing this up like this never happened before, but think of it like this. Cal is the golden child. He barely steps out of line and usually does what he's told, save for building in the garage or training harder than he should. Neither Elara or Maven have seen Cal actively refuse something that his father told him to do. The only example of this that they had before was the slightest hint of reluctance on Cal's face when he learned he was arranged to marry Evangeline.

With his plate already empty, and no one stopping him, Maven excuses himself from the table to see if he can calm his brother down.

Tibe simply waves him off as he just wants to exist in the silence for a little while.

Maven doesn't look a gift horse in the mouth and quickly leaves the room to look for his brother.

Where do you go to sulk if you get bad news? Your room. And that's the first place Maven checks.

When he gets there, knocks on the door, and doesn't get an answer, a servant tells him that Cal isn't there. She saw him walking away, but towards either to the training room or the garage.

Maven hopes it's the former because he's not very fond of the garage. It smells and echoes too much, ESPECIALLY WHEN A TRANSPORT IS STARTED.

He checks the changong room and training, slipping into his uniform to do so, but no luck. At all. Which can only mean one thing. With a grumble, Maven leaves the training room, changes back into his clothes, and walks to the garage, angrily laughing at the fact that Cal has him going on a wild goose chase.

He is right to hate the garage because he hears loud music playing right as he enters inside. Cal is currently on one of those back boards and is fixing a broken transport(its engine, at least).

This is the conversation as Maven finds his brother. Remember, they have to yell over a loud as hell speaker playing some rock music(I'm headcanoning that Rock You Like A Hurricane by Scorpions and other rock songs are playing):

"You're really that upset over marrying someone besides Evangeline Samos!?"

No response.

"You LITERALLY said ypu didn't want to marry Evangeline!"

Cal still doesn't respond, mostly because he can't hear him.

"CAL!" Maven, a little fed up, picks up a wrench or small hammer or anything else that's metal amd that Cal threw because he didn't need it, and bangs it against the tool box lid. "CAAAAAAAL!"

This finally gets Cal's attention and he rolls out from under the transport with a scowl on his face. "What do you want!?" He shouts.

Maven only gives a confused look. "What?"

"WHAT. DO YOU. WANT!?"

"I didn't know where you were! And you left breakfast with no explanation!"

"I know!"

"You're really THAT mad!?"

Cal's turn to be confused. "What!?"

"You're THAT mad!?"

"WHAT!?"

Maven's sick of all the yelling and points to the speaker. "TURN THAT DAMN THING OFF!!"

Cal nods and gets up to turn off the music.

Okay, fun's over. Back to bullet points.

Maven repeats himself, not yelling his head off, and Cal leans against the table.

He admits he's more upset than he should be, but feels that their father is taking too big of a risk. It would be smarter to keep the engagement between Cal and Evangeline because at least they would have a more men to fight and more metal, if shit hits the fan(my words, not Cal's). That, and it is a terrible idea to piss of Volo Samos, regardless of the rank you have.

While Maven agrees that it's shaky, he should know because it was HIS idea first to call a truce, but can't deny that it would be a solid deal to marry Iris. Not only will they have a steadier supply of food, but they'll have more reinforcements to deal with the Scarlet Guard. Besides, it's also a good idea to stop one war before another one can start.

Cal is silent as he nods, avoiding Maven's gaze.

He was already anticipating a life married to Evangeline Samos, who is at least on the same side as him and he at least KNOWS her. He has no idea who Iris is and is not excited to marry someone who is on his opposing side.

The two are silent, Maven partially inspecting the transport before asking if Cal was planning the sabotage the drive to the runway. Cal smirks and warns Maven not to give him ideas.

The two leave the garage, after Cal picks up the tools, and decide to talk more over a game of chess.

Despite his mother's request and what he learned in trying to block her out, he does not tell her everything he and Cal talked about.

[aurelixeah]

Hello! This is my second Fanfic based on this beautiful art of Lucien by @shofyeizartzy . Who can resist Lucien like that?

This is only my second one so it's not that good but I'll try! Also, I have dyslexia so-

Well, here I go! 😅 (For all my angst hoes out there-)

Fool For You

WARNING: Angst, Mentions of sex.]

(Written in Lucien's POV.)

MC'S name in this story is Sophie. 😌👌

Sitting in the darkness of my apartment, TV playing in the background. The recent events in the past week having worn me out. In my chest there was a dull ache, and it felt like my senses were being clogged. I was drenched in sweat, panting to try and catch my breath. My shirt and tie were undone as I snatched the glass of wine beside me and rolled a pill around in my left hand. Eying the pill, those words played in my mind like a tape on repeat.

"Erase Memories. Relieve your internal pain."

Suddenly, I felt a stabbing pain, and everything went white before me.

[Note from creator: If any of ya'll are confused, he took the pill and now he's having flashbacks from before he betrayed MC.]

The sudden dread awoke me, snapping my eyes open, my black T-shirt was drenched and clinging to my well defined abs. I know, I'm hot. My eyes quickly scanned the room, gaze moving to every white or gray furniture until it landed upon a familiar figure radiating colour.

[BACK TO THIRD PERSON POV]

"Sophie?" His eyes widened as he started completely dumbfounded at her, his expression slowly changing and twisting into affection as her eyes fluttered open. The early sunrise Shined through the slightly parted curtains, casting a golden halo that bounced off her messy bed head. "Good morning, Mr Xu." She said sweetly, smiling at him. She lazily moved closer, the rustling of the bed sheets drawing his attention back to her. "Good morning to you too, Mrs Xu." He said, Exchanging tender kisses with her. She gently cupped his cheek, the cold of the metal ring making his lip quiver.

[Que nostalgic bright light flashing cliche.]

Just then, a bright white light blinded him, cutting off all of his vision. When he came back to his senses, he could smell... chemicals? He searched his surroundings, only to find he was in the lab, outside his assigned room, he could hear a child's squeals and multiple people laughter. He turned his chair slightly to the left, his heart lightly fluttering in confusion. He reached his shaking hand out to the door handle and...

"Daddy!"

A little girl suddenly jumped into his embrace and he quickly steadied himself, right arm on his desk. "Hello, Ariella." He said with a soft chuckle. In the distance, he heard Sophie running over hand picking up the little girl with an apologetic look on her face.

"I'm so sorry Lucien! I told her not to disturb you but I couldn't stop her- Mmph!"

She was cut off by a firm but gentle kiss.

"Don't worry about it, it's nice to have some company. Why don't you come in?"

And then that same light appeared.

Sweat was dripping down his back, down his jaw on to his abdomen and disappearing into that special space as continuously slammed into her, biting his shoulder to muffle her blissful cries as red liquid came flowing out, and her legs shook violently and her back arched into his chest. His body temperature quickly increased, he let out soft moans and deep growls, signaling his release.

It went black.

He awoke again, in a hazy room with big marble pillars and and a high ceiling that he could only describe as the Black Swan headquarters. He was confused, puzzled, angry and many other feelings rose, causing a lump to form at the back of his throat and tears pricked the back of his eyes. He slowly sat up, balancing himself on the two palms placed his hips and shuffled his rear backwards.

"I thought Ares wasn't capable of showing emotion."

A deep, mocking tone sounded out behind him. He swiftly spun around, still on his backside when he looked into the big monitor that was balanced on a wall. This caused his head to spin and he instantly fell backwards, smacking his head on the hard, cold floor beneath him. It wasn't until he let out a groan that he realized how raw his throat was, and just how much pain he is in. "What are you doing to me?" Ares coldly asked the mystery person on the monitor in a raspy voice, he had a pretty good guess as to who it was.

"Well, it was your choice whether to take that stupid little supplement because you wanted your way so bad. But haven't you already learned your lesson? Don't take things from Black Swan and expect us to let you go freely."

Something clicked in Ares' mind. He finally understood what was going on.

"Did you like what you see? Those who you love will disappear, and soon enough I will take over, and human evolution will rule all."

"You sick fucking bastard." Ares spat at the person on the monitor. His brows furrowed in anger and a sense of loss filled him. He thought back to her. That one day he betrayed all they had built, the family and bond that came crashing down. All humanity was stripped from him and he became that beast that didn't care about anyone or anything. Her eyes were like a tide of emotion, that set off ripples in his heart. Suddenly, all his senses were cut off as he slowly submerged into the subconscious, he felt as though he was becoming that one blob of sea foam that sacrificed everything for those they loved. His eyes became gray and they lost the shine of hope that had never been left behind.

[Sophie's turn-]

She had her back against his door, listening to his low groans, his breathing quickening and then slowing, his heart pounding, the glass shattering, flesh being cut, a thud and a limp body slumping down.

Her legs gave out from under her and she slid down the door, her vision blurring and refocusing for a split second as her neighbours ran out and surrounded her, shouting her name and some other incoherent words she couldn't quite hear or understand. That red string full of memories and life being snapped from her wrist, she looked at the man she loved laying there, marked with the memories and truth he had carried. Shudders ran up and down her spine as well as silent tears streaming down her cheeks. Pulling a faint and weak smile, she lay bloodless and cold. The people around her screaming, and her husband laying within reach, he never really left.

"Maybe I am a fool for you."

"Maybe I am a fool for you."

[END]

Well, that's it! This is probably very confusing and dumb, but it's 1 AM. 😅💗

This is only my second fanfic and I didn't really know what I was doing-

Well, if you have any feedback, feel free to let me know! Requests are always open. ♡

Thanks for reading!

[your-high-lady]

Realisation

AN: Hello, I reside in the lovely country of Aotearoa, more commonly known as New Zealand. That is why the way I've described school/high school differently. It is pretty similar to the US education system but just in case, here are a few guidelines:

-Year 13 is the last year in high school before we go to university. Primary=elemantary, intermediate/senior college=middle/high school.

-I've kinda mixed up the arrangement of the timetables in the US and NZ.

-None of this should cause you to rack your brain because you don't understand what's happening.

Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the beautiful Sarah J Mass.

—

High School.

Ugh.

I stood three steps away from the threshold. Three steps forward and I would enter my first class in Year 13.

I didn't want to do it, but I also did. I wanted to finish high school so that I could go to college. Since I was thirteen, I'd wanted to just get it over with. Rush through primary, intermediate and then finally senior college. All so that I could fulfil my two dreams. Stanford University and a loving boyfriend. Cheesy, I know. But those were my dreams, deal with it. To study art at Stanford and to find a handsome boy there who would love and cherish me.

The second I knew I wanted to go there, I started saving up. And after five years of saving up every single note and coin I got, I'd finally done it. Yes, I would have to get a small-sized student loan and another loan from my parents(I insisted I give them back their money), but after all that money was put together, I would have enough for my first year plus tuition and then some. Once I settled in I would get a job or two and pay off the loans. It'd be perfect.

But to do those things, I had to finish high school first. So those three steps, I took.

—

Heading to my usual seat at the back, I took out my sketching book. I'd had a dream last of the sunset rising behind snow-capped mountains(I had no idea why) and wanted to get it down on paper before the picture got out my brain.

It barely took a minute before I was completely engrossed with my sketching. In fact, I got so occupied that I didn't realise how much time had passed before the bell rang. Jumping at the loud noise, I quickly shoved my sketching book into my bag and took out my maths book. But instead of taking the roll, the teacher called up a new student. "Tamlin, would you please come up here?" Miss Smith said to the golden-haired boy sitting two rows in front of me. He was quite handsome for his age. He was tan and muscled. I was willing to bet he was a jock, always playing basketball and football and all the other ball-sports. And weirdly enough, I had to resist a gasp when I saw his deep green eyes which were flecked with gold. They were quite pretty and unusual. Miss Smith flicked her red-gold over her shoulder. Everyone knew she was the school's slut-teacher. I shook my head in disgust, wondering why the heck the school still employed her. "Why don't you introduce yourself?" She asked, turning him to face the class. He looked over his shoulder at her, as if nervous, before turning to face the class. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. But he didn't look nervous. He looked as he didn't feel like standing up at the front of the class, as if he were some showpiece to stare at. Understandable. "Umm. My name is Tamlin. I come from Christchurch. My parents decided to move here because of the earthquakes. I love basketball, and was the captain back at home." Knew it.

"Oh, he's so hot. It's like I want to eat him," A sickeningly sweet voice whispered. I slowly, incredulously turned my head to the left to find Ianthe sitting in the chair beside me. If Miss Smith was the teacher-slut, Ianthe was the student-slut. Those two must have slept with at least seventy-five per cent of the school's boy population by now. Can't wait 'till I get to Stanford.

Thankfully, Miss Smith didn't take long to start the class after that.

—

Just because my school wanted to be different then the others, they decided that instead of having a new class for every subject, there will be just one group of students and they will, together, move around to each class. This meant that I had to spend the rest of the day looking at and hearing Ianthe lust over Tamlin. I was the first student out of class when the bell for morning tea rung.

—

Ring!

I smiled to myself. Finally, lunchtime. As I was packing my bag, I heard Ianthe approach Tamlin, followed by her menagerie of friends. "Hey, Tamlin." She purred, twirling her blonde hair around a manicured finger. She had the Look. Mor and I had come up with the term a year or so ago. Whenever she was trying to woo someone or not-so-subtly inviting them to bed, she got the Look. Her eyes glazed and her voice became all breathy, with her skin seeming to glow with arousal. It was disgusting. I pitied Tamlin. "Do you want to come to my pool party tonight? There'll be food, booze, girls." She practically drawled the last part. She had a finger rapidly sliding down his t-shirt covered chest. Tamlin caught before it could go beneath his pants. To my surprise, Ianthe let out the tiniest of whimpers. Tamlin had such a tight grip, her fingers had gone white. "No thank you." He said, smiling tightly, just as his eyes flickered in my direction, sensing my gaze. I blinked and quickly looked down, but not before seeing his lips twitch up in a small smile. I quickly hurried out of the classroom.

I was in third in line, in the cafeteria, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked over my shoulder to find him there. He put his hand out for a handshake, "Tamlin."

My eyes widened before I got them under control. "Feyre," I breathed, taking his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Feyre." His smile was blinding. No one had ever made me this nervous before. I wished Mor or Nesta were here. Or even Elain. But Mor had taken the day off because she was sick. Nesta and Elain were down in Dunedin, studying literature and botany. So that left me. Alone. In front of the most beautiful man, I'd ever seen.

"N-nice to meet you, too." Why, why, why did I have to be such an introvert; why couldn't I be like Mor, all outgoing and loud and confident?

The smile grew, brightening up his face. My breath caught in my throat. "You needn't be so nervous. I'm not going to bite you or anything." I wish you would. His eyebrows rose. Shit, did I say that aloud? He nodded. I clamped my hand over my mouth. I really need to get my mouth under control. He chuckled, took my hand, and kissed my palm. A jolt of electricity ran through my body when his lips came in contact with my skin. It was a surprise enough that I snatched my hand from his, and spun around, probably hitting Tamlin in the face with my hair. The person in front of me was paying for his food. As the cafeteria lady came to serve me, I heard a light chuckle behind. I was unable to suppress my own small grin.

—

Ten and a half months later

Life was amazing, after that.

The week after the meeting, Tamlin sat with me in each class and during break time. He came with me to the art room when I felt like painting, or to the library when I needed to pick up or return a book. He stayed by my side the whole time.

And during all this, I got glares from Ianthe. The whole time, I could feel her rage coming off her in waves. Big, giant tidal waves.

Multiple times, she tried to take Tamlin away. But every time she asked, he turned her down, saying that he would rather spend time with me. I laughed every time, partly because of the expressions that would cross her face, but more because of Tamlin. Every time he told Ianthe no, he would add a word at the end. For example, "No Ianthe, I would rather spend time with the beautiful Feyre." "No thank you, I much rather appreciate the company of pretty Feyre, here." For the first few times, I blushed, looking away. But then it got funny, and I kinda wanted Ianthe to hit on him if only to hear what word he would use.

It was magic. I'd never felt like this. But I'd read about it. This is what I wanted. It was one of my dreams: a beautiful boy who would love and cherish me.

One week after that, he asked me out.

Two and a half weeks after that, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

One week after that, Ianthe stopped chasing Tamlin and upped the level of her death stares that she was still giving me. She tried to spread rumours about me, but every time they got out of hand, Tamlin shut them down. Either with his bold voice or hard fists.

Eight and a half months after that, we had sex. Were it for him, we would've done it long ago, but I wanted to wait. It was my first time. I couldn't help it; I was nervous. But I couldn't have asked for anything better than what he gave me. It was heavenly. For the first time, I felt like a real teenager, doing things that were normal at my age. Parties, drinking, sex. Of course, the only person I actually had sex with was Tamlin, and I was careful to stay away from the bad stuff like smoking and drugs, despite Tamlin pushing me towards those things. Mum would kill me if I ever did that stuff. Though it did surprise me a bit that Tamlin was into this stuff, what with him being a basketball player and all.

But that's not the point. The point is that I achieved one of my dreams. Yeah, it didn't go exactly as I had planned it, but I'd always believed everything happened for a reason. As did meeting Tamlin.

AN: Please review, it really helps me with motivation. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next chapter is going to be a lot more moving, trust me. Thanks for reading.You may find it surprising(but that not much) where I plan to take this story. Just know that ship Feysand and that this chapter is necessary for the story.

Rowaelin fanfiction:

[windless-hurricane]

Pennywise and the Dancing Girl

Chapter 1: The Shadow Girl

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SUMMARY: At the moment, I want this to be solely mysterious. I will say though that the "Shadow Girl" isn't who she seems and this will eventually become a Henry x OC (or reader) fanfic.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Before I begin, this story takes place in the 2017 IT universe. I also shifted some pieces of information around. So before I'm scolded for inaccuracies, I'll say them now. First off, I combined the Derry Middle School and High School. I wasn't sure if that was the case in the movie, but it wasn't stated. Nevertheless, I will still refer to it as Derry High. The main character is 14 and a freshman (going on sophomore). The entire Losers Club will be in 8th grade (going on to be freshmen) and all 13. The Bowers Gang are all sophomores (going on juniors) and 15, excluding Henry who is 16.

WARNINGS (for the entire series): Explicit language, violence, graphic scenes involving blood and/or death, some sexuality possibly, and some underage drinking and drug use.

WORD COUNT: 2.7k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the last day of school. I couldn't lie and say I wasn't somewhere near excited. I knew it wasn't the last day of school altogether, but it would definitely be a step up from my current status as a freshman. All 8th graders dream of becoming freshmen; but once they realize the difficulties of dealing with upperclassmen, they want to join them. That had been the same mindset for me. Not only was I freshman, I was a transferee. That normally wouldn't be such a big deal, but it was at this school.

See, Derry High wasn't a typical high school. It included middle school as well. So, almost all the children here were attending this school for half their lives. They started in 6th grade and ended as seniors. Everyone knew everybody. Due to that, I thought I'd become a perfect candidate for teasing. I was practically fresh meat. However, that didn't happen. Why? Because I was barely noticeable. I kept to myself, hardly spoke a word to anyone, and moved swiftly through the halls like a shadow, avoiding certain people. It soon had become an objective to avoid four sophomores in particular: Henry Bowers, Patrick Hockstetter, Victor Criss, and Reginald "Belch" Huggins.

They were douchebags who got a kick out of tormenting anyone they saw below them. As a result of their animosity, even the juniors and seniors were afraid of them. You never messed with the "Bowers Gang" as they called themselves. I, a rarity, was not afraid of them and never would be. I just wanted to stay the shadow that I liked being and it became a promise to myself.

I kept to that promise for the entire year and now all I had to do was get through this day like any other. Then, it would be summer vacation, which was full of reading and...reading. I didn't have any friends, but I was satisfied with that. It was better to not get too attached to people you would end up leaving. In a way, that was my curse: the inability to care for anyone because you are not worth caring for. But it would be ok.

I walked through the front doors of the school, clutching the straps to my bag. Other students were already situated inside, engaging in morning chatter and shenanigans. I...went straight to my locker. I knew I had to empty it out and it would be better to do it now than later. So, I put in the combination and got to work. I wasn't necessarily the neatest, but it didn't look like the aftermath of a hurricane. Just messy. There were notebooks, textbooks, and a bunch of scattered and crumbled pieces of paper. It didn't take long to stuff these into my bag and throw what was left away. I closed my locker with a slam, but it didn't echo like it normally would because of background conversation.

I glanced around and my eyes ending up following the scene of two boys running away in the direction opposite to mine. Moments after, Henry Bowers and his gang of misfits were in the shot. He had an apparent smirk on his face. Probably from gloating because of the amount of power he had over the kids here. The thought of it was enough to make me roll my eyes; but I continued to watch, seeing if he would do anything else. He didn't. Just as I was about to turn away, his eyes met mine. He knew I had been staring and didn't have the intention of letting me go.

His eyes were crystal blue and they contradicted mine: my chocolatey brown. However, they still managed to be darker than mine and mine brighter than his. He didn't hold any expression in his face and neither did I. It was just blank staring. This wasn't the first time we did this. Occasionally throughout the year, we'd find each other's eyes, but never did anything about it. He didn't know me and he assumed I didn't know him. We had never been in the same vicinity as each other because if he was ever too close, I would've found a way out. All we had was this.

I hated to admit it, but he was quite pretty to look at. It didn't throw my hormones out of whack or anything. I stared at him because of his eyes. His eyes were dark, beautiful, and so familiar to me. I couldn't put my finger on it. It seemed I had looked into those eyes even before I knew him. There was something that intrigued me about them. I knew there was something hidden there. Even if I already had an idea, I longed to know myself.

I gulped out of my trance and released the handle to my locker. I stared just a bit longer until I turned away, losing sight of him and those eyes. Who would've known that days later Henry would tell me himself that he saw me as this mysterious girl that he wanted to crack. A girl that actually drew him in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was able to make it through three classes of Algebra, English and History. Since it had been the last day of school, we hardly did anything. There was clearly no homework to assign or assignments to finish. It was either a free for all with limited volume or we watched a movie on the projector. I was only interested in the movie. Currently I had one more class until lunch and no doubt, it was going to be the same as the others. It was actually quite a relief. Relaxing felt...nice. It nearly brought a smile to my face before I was interrupted.

My head snapped up on impulse as I heard a loud smack echo through the hallway. It didn't startle me, but it certainly caught my attention because before I knew it, I was rounding the corner quickly with a newfound purpose. It was a boy and he was lying on the ground. Getting a clearer shot, I saw that it was Eddie Kaspbrak, the local hypochondriac. I never knew him on a personal level, but I always saw him around. As you can tell, I knew a lot more about him than he did me. That's how it usually was with people. I knew along with him being a hypochondriac, he was a germaphobe who constantly expressed his paranoia to his friends. Other than that, he was quite funny and would never shut up about the evils of sickness and blessings of cleanliness. I sometimes found it rather cute.

He was also a favorite plaything of the Bowers Gang, along with the rest of his friends, Bill Denbrough, Stanley Uris, and Richie Tozier. I saw them around quite often too, either goofing off or arguing. I wonder where they were to have left Eddie alone. To have left him alone with Bowers and the dick squad. Maybe he was just unlucky. Henry had been manhandling Eddie's fanny pack and dumping its contents onto the floor beside him. I could only assume Eddie tried getting it back, but was only met with a shove to the ground. All I did was stare. It seems that's all I was good for.

Even though they deserved a good beating, I never interfered. It was part of the promise and it hadn't been difficult to maintain until now. I nearly wanted to break it. I don't know why, but the feeling was there. It wasn't enough to push me though as the fanny pack was already empty. I watched as Henry threw the pack at Eddie's face and mouthed something that I couldn't make out. Most likely it was some humiliating insult. I looked to Eddie and his expression killed me. Was it - sadness? Anger? Disappointment? It could be helped.

I walked over quietly and squatted down near him as he sat up. He gave me a shocked and questioning look before I began to gather his belongings into the fanny pack. He wasn't moving or saying anything, just watching like I had been moments ago. There was an inhaler, a few containers of pills, bandage. I guess this also served as a small first aid kit. Nice. I stood up and glanced around, making sure I collected everything. I had, expect for Eddie. I zipped up the pack before reaching my hand out to him. His expression managed to change. Why was he looking at me like that? It's like I was some miracle. Then, he looked to my hand and I smiled softly,

"Don't worry. I just came from the bathroom. It's clean."

His gaze switched between my face and hand until he finally took it. His was oddly soft. I helped him up gently and let it go as soon as he was up.

"Um, here," I muttered out, handing him his pack. He was still staring at me and finally, he snapped out of it. He took it quickly.

"T-thanks...um..." he cocked an eyebrow.

"Emma," I finished. "Emma Gray."

"Thanks, Emma." Red found its way onto his face. Was he really blushing?

"It's no problem. No one should face a jagoff alone." He smiled and it made me smirk. I reached into the side pocket of my bag and pulled out my mini bottle of hand sanitizer, showing it off to him. "I noticed you were almost out and you're definitely going to need a lot more to get rid of the stench of Bowers and his goons." I breathed out a laugh. "Here." I handed it to him and he took it almost joyfully.

I smiled completely and for once, it felt real. However, it was short lived. The bell rang.

"Shoot," I groaned. "We should get to class, like, now. It was nice talking to you. See you around, Eddie." I know I didn't give him time to respond, but there wasn't time for a response. I turned around and headed the opposite direction to class.

(EDDIE'S P.O.V.)

"Wait," I called out, but she was already gone.

"Damnit." How did she already know my name? I looked at the bottle she gave me and her name was written across the label in black marker. Her handwriting was beautiful. I let my thumb run over her name as I smiled to myself.

"Emma - Emma Gray."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(BACK TO EMMA'S P.O.V.)

I made it through Biology and as expected, we watched a movie - a real boring one about the inner mechanisms of a cell. It was over and time for lunch. I was looking forward to it because of what I packed today. If I did it right, it was going to be delicious. I began to fantasize about the greatness of my meal until I was forcefully pulled out of it. Could the world just not leave me to my mind today? Geez.

It was a noise and a deafening one at that. It came from down the hall and it was loud enough to make me wince, slight pain being brought to my ears. Who was it this time and why do they keep interrupting me? Thinking about it more, should I even ask? Knowing this school and its students, it was without a doubt Bowers. Did I want to find out? No. Would I inevitably end up finding out? Yes. This was the only way to the damned cafeteria.

I inched slowly down the hall, not in any rush to get an answer. I wasn't a nosy person. I actually considered myself quite considerate of other people's business. Then, I heard whimpering. I rolled my eyes harshly as I quickened my pace. What's wrong with you, Emma? Why are you being so interactive today? Why the hell do you even care? No one else in this god forsaken school does, why should you? Don't you remember the promise? You're too good for this, but maybe there was a reason not to be too good. Maybe it was Eddie and his call for help.

I rounded the corner and it wasn't Eddie, loosing a good amount of motivation. It was Ben Hanscom, the other new kid. Chubby, adorable, vulnerable, and being pushed up against the lockers by Bowers while his goons watched in amusement. I scoffed. This was the second time today. Was this really his way of celebrating the last day of school?

"Hey!" Oh, Emma. What the hell are you doing? You know you could care less.

All five boys turned their attention towards me with different expressions on each of their faces. Ben's eyes were pleading and hopeful while he was completely red in the face. Patrick was smirking creepily and it was enough to make me shudder. Victor and Belch actually held a similar look that reeked of 'Who the hell is this girl?' For the main star, he just looked pissed.

"The fuck do you want," he questioned deeply, his eyes peering into me.

"For you not to be a conniving dickhead," I stated proudly, stopping in front of them with my arms crossed. I don't know where this surge of confidence was coming from, but I kinda liked it.

"The fuck did you just say to me," he let go of Ben and started lurking towards me. This was the perfect chance for him to get away. The boys were entirely focused on me. I looked passed Henry's shoulder and my eyes met Ben's. He was terrified and astonished. I nodded my head up slightly, gesturing for him to go. He didn't get it the first time; but after repeating it, he got it and ran away. I looked back to Henry,

"You heard me." This is the closest I've ever been to him. We were nearly a foot apart. He was significantly taller than I was, not a giant, but taller. Had surprisingly muscular arms and I never noticed the upturn of his nose before. He broke the distance with one more step. I wanted to step away because of the awkwardness, but I also didn't want to give him the satisfaction. I simply kept my arms crossed and craned my neck up to look at him. He did the opposite with his neck, but also crossed his arms. Maybe this was a way of establishing dominance.

"I don't think I heard you quite right. Mind repeating what you said," he pushed. He was trying to scare me, but I don't scare easy.

"I said, I don't want you to be a conniving dickhead."

"I don't care about what you want," he retorted.

"You're the one who asked, honey." He let out a breathy laugh.

"No one gets away with talking to me like that, sweetheart."

"I think I just did."

"I like her," a voice called out. I soon realized it belonged to Patrick. Shame because I didn't like him. "What're we going to do with her, Henry?" Henry opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.

"I'll tell you what's going to happen. I'm going to walk away and enjoy myself a lovely meal in the cafeteria, while you four stand around and play with each other's dicks. And then you're never going to bother me ever again. Got it? Ok." I moved to walk past him, but he grabbed my bicep instead.

"It's not that easy," he told me, squeezing roughly. I yanked my arm away harshly, catching him off guard.

"It is that easy because I'm not afraid of you, Henry," I let out through gritted teeth. With that, I pushed past him, hitting my shoulder with his purposely.

(HENRY'S P.O.V.)

Patrick scoffed, "You're just going to let her get away with that? She deserves to be taught a lesson to." I agreed. I completely agreed, but she wouldn't be easy.

"I know," is all I managed to say before I turned to face them. "Do any of you know her?" They all shook their head uselessly, causing me to roll my eyes.

Vic was the only one to speak,

"I know she's a freshman, just not the name." I nodded,

"Lets get outta here." I walked ahead, knowing they would automatically follow. It was that girl. She knew my name, but I didn't know hers. It bothers me, but a lot more than it should. How could I not know the name of a girl like that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THAT IS THE END OF CHAPTER 1. Hopefully you enjoyed it! This is the first chapter of a definite series :)

[anths-girl]

Right. So. My 'funding campaign' is NOT going well. At ALL. And the reason why it gets to me so much, is because I was very, VERY reluctant to do it, in the first place. Heck, I only finally created the campaign, MONTHS after everything that had finally trigged me to do so, went down.

But also, I'm not someone who handles disappointment well. And saying that, is an understatement. I have depression. And YES, I KNOW - we ALL do, right? Though this - all of this, the campaign, things not going well with my parents, struggling financially, and YES, it almost being Christmas and the new year...it's making EVERYTHING so, SO much worse. I feel like I'm suffocating, sometimes. Like I want to crawl into a hole and just...never come back out again.

Me, putting myself out there, practically baring my soul - and my personal life, and the issues I have - is NOT something I do lightly. Hence why I didn't really WANT to start the finding campaign in the first place. Because I can just FEEL people being...judgmental. Wondering, "well, WHY doesn't she have a job" or "what kind of 'disability' is she getting a social grant for". Because yes, I know: I LOOK fine, right? Like there's nothing wrong with me. But also...it's REALLY no-one's business, right? The point is, I DO only receive a social grant. And I CAN'T go work. If anything, I can't leave my parents to fend for themselves, every day. Because THAT is my job: taking care of my parents.

In-between all this, I am not doing great. In all seriousness, I am doing VERY, VERY badly. The ONLY bright thing in my life, are my dogs. Not that they are 'dogs', to me - they are very literally my LIFE. I call them my 'Kiddies'. If not for them, we'd ALL - my parents and me - really be dead, by now. And all that is yet another issue: Every day, I am TERRIFIED of something happening to them. One of them getting sick, or just ANYTHING bad happening. Because that is what my brain does: It's constantly shouting out to me, in bright, screaming neon letters, ALL of the negative crap that can - and probably WILL - happen.

And 99.9% of ALL of those 'things' that could happen? If they do happen, NOW...we are SO screwed. Because...we don't have money. We are hanging on by a thread. And it KILLS me, that there's NOTHING I can do...but what I've BEEN doing: BEGGING.

And I also hate doing that. Because I KNOW others struggle, too. I know there are people who struggle way, WAY more than me and my family. But since creating my campaign, and, like I said, baring my soul and putting my entire personal life out there for the whole world to see...it's made things so much more...REAL, for me. And now I CAN'T give up. And yet, EVERY single thing I've tried - sharing as much as I can, on social media, writing updates (like THIS one), messaging people, afraid of annoying the hell out of them...nothing WORKS.

The strangest thing of all, is that of the people who HAVE helped - by either donating (I got TWO donations in all. TWO), or helping to share my posts - are folks who are struggling, too. People who I look up to, and who I have been following and admiring because of their talent. And I am so, SO thankful for their help. It makes me feel so much humility, and even guilt, knowing that those people try to help me, when they have their own troubles to deal with.

And still, through all of this...I am not okay. I have trouble getting through every day. Some days I don't want to get out of bed. Some days I can't sleep, at all. I desperately want some kind of distraction from all the negative thoughts (thank GOD for Pippin and Lola, EVERY DAY!). I read fanfic - the only other joy in life that I am SO grateful for that I hardly have words. I watch my shows, or my Marvel movies. But it still doesn't REALLY get the job done. Because there IS one thing, that ALWAYS worked. That could get me out of my own head, like NOTHING in this world could: WRITING.

I can't write, anymore. The last time I wrote something - other than campaign pages and things like what I'm writing right NOW - was almost three years ago. Writing, JUST for the love of writing. Because I DO love writing. It's the ONE thing in this world that I am actually, maybe a LITTLE bit good at. And even IF I'm not good at it, at ALL...I still LOVED doing it. And I MISS it, like crazy.

But no matter what I do, how hard I try...it's just not happening anymore. And really, anyone who knows anything about writing...when you have to FORCE it...it's not fun anymore, anyway.

That last time I wrote? It was right before things started falling apart rather spectacularly, in our home. My dad's health started deteriorating more, he spent time in hospital, days in bed. And I just...lost it. Lost THAT part of me. The part that could shut out the world, and all of it's bad things, and just...go somewhere else. I can't do that, anymore. And I HATE it. It's like I have no choice, but to constantly deal with all the worries and troubles that's day to day life, now. And it's EXHAUSTING.

I'm NOT a strong person. Not even close to it. And whenever I see some of the other funding campaigns, I want to DIE. Because it makes me feel SO, SO bad, complaining and begging for donations, when there are people who have it SO much worse than I do. But again...this is for my FAMILY. The ONLY people in this world, who matter to me. I can't live without them, and watching them struggle, and not being able to really DO anything about it, is slowly destroying me. I have already lost so much of who I use to be, that I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Sorry for the VERY long-winded self-pity party. I just REALLY needed to vent. And apparently to just bare my soul even MORE.

Once again, thank you, and God bless.

*Link to said campaign page, just in case...: https://gogetfunding.com/for-the-best-twilight-years