#also I really wanted to look at this with a kind of more realistic lense when it comes to parentage

[spielzeugkaiser]

[First Part] - [second]

Baby (who still has no name) is warming up to Geralt, who also starts to connect some dots. (Like, I think he suspects that he's Jaskiers son, adopted or otherwise, but he won't even humor the idea that he could be the dad.) That being said - the kid is an angry teenager sometimes. Jaskier tried all he could as a single parent and they have a very loving relationship, but I also think they do argue quite a bit, and there is some tension.

And the more he gets to learn how Geralt truly is the weirder is gets, cause. He's a good guy? And either Jaskier is petty and was too dramatic and kept him from meeting his dad for nothing, or Geralt isn't a good guy AT ALL and has hurt Jaskier really bad, and he doesn't think Geralt has it in him, but some people (and especially alphas) get really weird and archaic around omegas? And he had to witness again and again, with how little respect his unbonded, single father of a bastard child was treated - is Geralt like that too? But Jaskier still only ever talked somewhat kindly about him. And from all he saw... he trusts Geralt. He's a quiet, but witty and honorable man. But is it fair to doubt the parent that was there for him, that raised him, that sacrificed so much for him? The poor kid is so conflicted.

[mejomonster]

Modu by priest was truly such a good read. If you like romance? It has a sweeping romance, with a well done bisexual and gay lead (and straight best friend) all written in ways that manage to feel realistic, it's got features people likely found it for when looking for a danmei - rich manipulative younger man, older investigator who's got a hero streak, and yet those categories don't really do justice to them (and of course tao ran is the more grounded detective story lead who keeps his theories to himself and worries about dragging others into his mess).

They're so much more... Fei Du is a traumatized young man who's worried he's as monstrous as the people who scarred him, who is preparing to take the leap and cross the line to become an even more terrifying version of himself if it will destroy the corruption poisoning this city and harming so many, Luo Wenzhou is a cop that used to want to be a hero and learned he will fail people and be unable to save people and holds onto Fei Du as someone who reminds him he DOES fail but also reminds him why he wants so hard to keep Trying to help people even when it seems impossible... why trying and putting in effort to care and help Even when its too late to fix things is Worthwhile. Tao Ran is a contrast to them both, Fei Du living in a world where there's only monsters and victims and Luo Wenzhou desperately trying to force the world to be a place where justice CAN prevail and win even as he sees it fail over and over, trying so hard to believe all people have the capacity for everything and are worth trying to save. Even though Fei Du doesm't believe that, being around Luo Wenzhou makes him want to consider it. Tao Ran, their contrast? Believing the world can go either way, and its up to people like him to create any justice at all, any structure at all, or else everything is just meaningless suffering chaos. As characters, the three of them serve to explore how the world works and views on it in terms of a detective murder mystery encompassing the whole city, the small scale version of the world. Modu is a romance, but its also fully commited to being a murder mystery that wants to tackle the kind of themes that come up in the setting it's created. Its characters are so much more than Insert Character Ship types here. These characters were made this way to explore these ideas (just as the villains are all made to parallel and contrast Fei Du to explord these ideas in comparison to our point of view Fei Du moments, our impressions of Fei Du from Luo Wenzhou and Tao Rans varied perspectives, all of them are different lenses to view humanity and how it works, if the world is just or if we have to make it good, if we can be inherently good and if good people will reach out to us if we just keep treading water to survive, if its luck and chaos, and how much... and much more frankly).

Modu is like. If you want a story about a corrupt city and its victims, symbolizing a corrupt world and all of us at its mercy, and you want to see the heart of the people doing something about it. First the main trio, but also every victim Fei Du recruits to help, every murderer recruited to the corruption, all the people in the cases swayed to some side. Thats what Modu is about.

The romance is just one facet of exploring that, the personal debate about what these things mean about the world as told through two people who view this world incredibly differently. Yet find some way to exist in the same space, same mutual world, when together. It hooks you in and doesn't let you go and youre wondering right there with them, left to draw your own meaning in the end. Hopefully that its worth trying, that doing something is worth trying even when its just the trying you can do and not the succeeding, at least thats what I got from it (at least in regards to Fei Du and Luo Wenzhou meeting each other, unable to live up to the pillar they put each other on but trying anyway, is what I felt from them).

Then like? Modu gives you THAT story, which in its own right is enough to make you contemplate.

And if you're like me and care about people, about characters? Well it gives you, like I said, those big themes and a city's nightmares symbolizing the world, and brings them down to an individual level. You read from the mind of the little girl who grew up in this (one of my favorite scenes and when I felt this novel was going to not shy away from dark psychological moments and bringing them to you). You read from the mind of Fei Du when he knows himself, when he doesn't. You read from the minds of all kinds of people, and the heart of much of the investigation is peoples motives and things they'd gone through and how that shaped what they'd do next. Why they'd do it. Leaving you to wonder who's right. Jaded idealist Luo Wenzhou who wants to believe in the goodness of the people he loves, but also is willing to risk that strangers may have good intent? Fei Du who thinks theres only victims and perpetrators and everyone is going to fall into one in the right circumstance? Tao Ran, who feels the world is too messy to dare declare predictable, who thinks even your closest can betray you and even you can accidentally hurt them, nevermind strangers, and the only thing you can control and rely on is your own choices? Some mix? None of them? The side characters as they come up, grow and evolve, do they understand the world better or worse, and is the world they experience different than anothers and justify why their worldview is likewise different? Modu gives you that up close and personal, over and over. Im still thinking about it. And the way its done, they all get to feel like lived in people. Not structures to tell the themes only. But on their own, there's a personal struggle between Fei Du feeling like a monster who'll destroy Lup Wenzhou if he loves him, like his dad destroyed his mom, and Luo Wenzhou carrying the guilt he could never save Fei Du and desperate to believe in Fei Du (and keep trying to save him in that way if only that way) as person who can do good despite not being saved and despite Fei Du's fears. You could cut the entire city's plot away, all of the crimes and make the city calm, and still that core of their plot would be carrying a Lot of weight. Theyre playing a game of "enemies" to lovers sure, or whatever romance story structures they fit into. But they're also made to be deeply rooted into each other, their personal beliefs tied into the outcome of what they hope or fear happens if they are close together. Modu made me care about that. Its like the fears many people might have, abiut theur own flaws, about getting close to others, about trusting and being unsure if that trust is safe to give. Its that and magnified into bigger form, in this landscape of a fucked up city and the tragedy of Fei Du and Luo Wenzhou's meeting and former lives.

Its like. Id love to to read another danmei (Ive got a lot on my to read list). But what's going to give me roo

[flamerunn3r]

Sorry this is unfinished but I need to post these now just bc idfk when i'm gonna actually finish the rest realistically. Idk it will happen eventually. For now heres the great p5u ramblings post detailing my thoughts designs

This is my own personal interpretations but is also somewhat speculative in nature. I'm mostly trying to deal in already established characterizations and epilogue set ups but there might be stuff I've missed or forgotten (i also haven't played dancing yet sorry if there's something in there I hadn't accounted for). This is kind of like if I took the creative reigns on the story where I'd continue for it. Only the investigation team for now (and 2 boss characters I have an idea for) but maybe I'll do the shadow ops at some point. Only 4 characters for now but I'll reblog with additions when I finish the rest or if I edit any of these

Yu Narukami

He's currently attending school as a journalism student in the city or just starting out as one. Enthusiastic about his field but still tries to find the time to keep up with his friends and visit Inaba on his holidays. I felt journalism made alot of sense for him with the themes of persona 4. I liked the sport jacket and turtleneck but wanted soemthing different so the scarf was chosen to keep the same kind of silhouette. I made the collar on the winter coat large and I feel like Narukami's large uniform collar is a key part of his design. and I wanted to call back to that in his casual outfit. The summer outfit I mostly kept close to his summer outfit from p4. I'm kind of unsure on it though I might come back to it. I mostly wanted to keep his outfits smart and simple. For his meta verse outfit I really wanted to go all out with the bancho (kingpin) stuff and other delinquent tropes. I lengthened the uniform coat a little because I wanted it to look like a tokko-fuku. Alot of smaller detail inspiration was taken from Izanagi. The lenses in the mask are supposed to mimic glasses. I'd imagine he'd take off the mask the same way he throws off his glasses in myriad truths.

Teddie

I can't imagine him leaving Inaba and the TV world behind. Still staying in town and working largely the same job. He's got his own place now albeit small (still a step up from the closet though). At some point the IT asked Mitsuru to pull some strings so he actually has a legal personhood now. The animal hoodie is something that came to me spontaneously but I knew I needed to include it. I really that his normal outfit in 4 keeps the white and red of the bear costume in the outfit so I tried to keep the colour scheme here too. Most of his later outfits are less flashy and more casual so I tried to continue that trend. I didn't want to lose the rose from the corsage completely so I included a rose pattern in the second shirt. Alot of his outfits feature light blue so I wanted that in at least one outfit. I considered making the hoodie light blue initially. I don't think he'd have a metaverse outfit he'd just use the bear costume.

Naoto Shirogane

I'm under the assumption Naoto is still presenting masculinely to the general public as of p5 but I may be mistaken in this. If I'm wrong I'd still probably largely keep the outfits similar to this. Naoto's still working as a detective and I don't think that's ever really going to change. One thing that a hypothetical p5u would have to address is what Naoto and the shadow ops would have been doing during the events of persona 5 and I unfortunately do not have any ideas for what that would be at the moment.

I feel alot of the appeal of Naoto's design is the kind of boy detective fashion. I went at this design with the intention of kind of refining that into something a little more adult while still keeping in a similar vein. I did have to ditch the pageboy hat unfortunately as I felt it made them look too young. These outfits were kind of design as pseudo work clothes which is why I tried to make them a bit more formal then the other characters. Something I consider notable about Naoto's design but deliberately avoided here was the rolled up pant legs. It's very obvious in 4 it's done because Naoto is short but I feel like Naoto would start getting that either custom made or tailored to fit. I was initially going to forgo the blazer on the summer outfit but the design felt empty without it. Naoto having a noir detective themed metaverse outfit is an idea I'd had for years but I tried to incorporate design elements that were princely. I alot of the inspiration was from Sam Spade specifically. Deliberately made similarities to Akechi's white crow design. The band around the hat is supposed to invoke the similar one on the old page boy hat.

Yukiko Amagi

Still working at her families in but is taking online courses during the off seasons. She's mostly happy where she is but is keeping her options open. Occasionally makes visits to other ryokans out of town for ideas for her families own inn, as well as an opportunity to for her to sight see.

The headband was included in her design in p4 as a like retro design thing but I find it too important of a marker of her design to remove it. I understand the why they went with the hairstyle they did for her golden epilogue but I feel it just ends up making her look way older then she is. I thought her having her hair up would be a nice change since she does it so rarely and settled on a ponytail. Tried changing the bangs but the ones she already had just felt right. I wanted her clothes to carry this kind of air of sophistication so I tried to keep them relatively simple and sleek. She's wearing pants in the winter outfit but I chose the longer coat to keep a similar skirt silhouette. The choker was largely inspired by the scarf she has in her winter outfit. Despite being a different colour the cardigan was also chosen to tie back somewhat to the sweater she wears with her school uniform.

In some side material it's mentioned that Yukiko has an interest in western fashion and aesthetics (part of what made the castle manifest the way it did) and I wanted to lean on that in some way for her metaverse design. I ended up going with a masquerade ball theme. I tried to keep the dress to something simple and easy to move in. The gloves and boots take inspiration from her persona in terms of design and size. I wanted to incorporate elements from her work kimono as well hence the ribbon around the torso and flower patterning. Probably the most unsure of this one of the metaverse designs so far. Especially the colours (considered making the reds pinks initially). Might revisit this one.

Ok that's all I have for now I'll probably do Rise's next 👍👍👍

[egg-emperor]

my personal interpretation of Eggman and SAGE’s relationship is that unlike his other creations, he treats her like a doll.

You don’t hurt dolls, you treat them nicely, dress them to your liking. You can do whatever you want with them, and they’ll never fuss or cry because they can’t. SAGE is even a step above most dolls, because Eggman programmed her to be able to protect him and do his bidding. He made himself the perfect idealized daughter, so, like a child with a baby doll, he acts more like a parent with her.

Meanwhile, SAGE acts like a human the more the game progresses. She genuinely loves Eggman and sees him as a parental figure and his other creations as her brothers, so she wants to do everything to please him and their little “family”. However, she’s still a very new AI who probably has very limited knowledge on how a family is supposed to work, and her programming will probably keep her extremely devoted to Eggy no matter what. It’s a relief she isn’t a real human, because if she wasn’t, Eggman would have disposed of her quickly.

Basically it’s a fun dynamic of an AI that is slowly becoming more and more human and her human creator that only likes her as how he programmed her. That is my favorite kind of Eggdad.

Oh yeahhh, I really love this take on it. While Eggman is attempting to play into the dynamic so he can take pride in his creation/daughter as her genius creator/father that made that impressive skilled scientific artifical life all possible and to play into Sage's desire for family to keep her loyal, I can see it as coming off as an eerie superficial performance, as he bases it on what his perception of love and family is through what he's observed through others and attempts to replicate, but it's through his own egotistical selfish lense and his desire for perfection.

He doesn't feel it in a deep warm cute way, it's in a twisted way where he feels ownership for her like she's an object, and wants control over how she acts as he wants her to be loyal and serve him in the exact way he desires and gets mad when she doesn't, and he wants control over how she looks as he dresses her up because she has to look exactly how he wants to (this is also canon with the Sonic Channel art because he dislikes how she looks without shoes) so that way it can come across as playing pretend as a father with a doll instead of something realistic.

And it's subtly messed up, which is the important part. The only time I see Eggman treating Sage outright badly when she hasn't done anything is when/if he decides he's done with her and finds the next greatest creation to move on to, which I explored in a concept. But as long as she still has use to him, he's going to try to keep her sweet and praise her, except for when he's mad at her in the same ways he was in Frontiers, but that's because he knows it's in a way that won't break her loyalty and will only make her work harder to please him.

He has always seen the world as his playground to own and rule and the people as his playthings to do with as he pleases, usually in a degrading blatantly cruel manner. But with Sage it's seemingly sweet and loving like you'd treat a doll but exists on just as disturbing terms. Ties in to his manchild side which he shows a lot even towards Sage when he acts stubborn and has tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants from her. Plus she's the one that cares for and protects him like a parent would a child instead of the opposite.

His idea of parenting is more like a child's perfect make believe play pretend version with toys. She's the doll that has to be perfect and pretty so he can show her off, so he dresses her up and tells her how she will act, what role she plays, and gets to do whatever he wants with her. And he gets to be the parent that shows her off and take pride in her and all the credit for her skill, intelligence, and accomplishments because he's her father/creator and it boosts his ego. But like all toys, the chance of getting broken one way or another isn't impossible.

While Sage wants a genuine familial bond and also bases it on her perception of love and family is through what she observes through others and attempts to replicate it too. But instead of through an egotistical selfish lense and desire for perfection like her father, it's born from genuine selfless feelings and love. She hopes he reciprocates the actual feelings and intentions but he doesn't, he's entertaining them only because he sees the benefits that can come with embracing the role, the bragging rights, the usefulness in keeping her loyal.

The difference between the way she was pre Sonic influence- the way she was originally created to be by Eggman's own design, compared to how human she becomes when she learns more about love and family through Sonic and friends, plus Eggman's actual conditions on finally accepting the dynamic being what Sage could do for him, which were the things he already created her to do in the first place speaks volumes. The way she protects, serves and is loyal and also scientifically advanced enough for him to show off is where the appeal is for him.

It's true that he still likes and praises her specifically for things she already did as a mostly emotionless, cold, purely professional AI that protected and served him well. The reason he accepts the dynamic is for the extra impressiveness of how life like she is and bragging rights and credit as her father/creator. Still valuing these traits of hers in particular could play a part in treating her like a doll instead of a person as she goes from a tool to toy to him, anything but an actual human being the way she actually feels.

But Eggman can easily make sure she doesn't quite realize what she's missing and what's different to the traditional father and child dynamic. As long as he performs it at all, despite how shallow and superficial his take on it is, her being accepted as the daughter she wants to be and getting to call Orbot and Cubot her brothers, and him being proud of her when she does what he wants, she's happy. And she's undyingly loyal without it anyway, as she already was by design and purpose before her development. It's just that it was recontextulized for her.

Meanwhile Eggman's intentions and reasonings for liking and praising her stays the same, and he's going to do anything in his power to maintain the enthusiasm and loyalty he built her to have, that was only further strengthened by the human feelings she applied to it. But if she ever did somehow stray as she becomes more human, despite being highly unlikely as she wouldn't want to leave him, they'll always be a limit, it can stop when Eggman wants it to because as a program, she can be altered at will. He can make sure she'll always be his doll, pretty, useful, obedient, and scientifically impressive that gets him the attention he wants, in ways that real children aren't. How sweet... :)

Eggman being the actual flesh and blood human but only being able to do it like a play pretend performance, compared to the artificial Sage who wants a real family. Eggman being the adult but a manchild and it showing in his more childish approach like a child with a doll, compared to her being the "child" but having a more mature and serious approach by looking at it like a serious family. That's a really interesting compare and contrast. It reflects the important assets of their characterization and intentions in the dynamic really well!

[kleinblue52]

I just finished the last season of Young Royals, which I adored. Truly one of the best shows I’ve ever seen. It also… kind of made me think of something. I’m sure people have brought this up before but I’ve never really seen this take anywhere, and if you can recommend anyone who wrote about it better than I’m about to I’d be eternally grateful, because it’s something that I find truly fascinating and I’m sure I won’t be able to fully explain what I mean.

What I was thinking is that… openly queer storytelling in mainstream media has never gone through, and will never go through the kind of archetypal, sometimes naïve storytelling that straight love stories often went through up until six or seven decades ago, simply because today’s audiences do not understand archetypes and look for twists and turns that simply don’t belong in traditional cinematic fairy tales.

I recently completed a rewatch of the whole Disney canon and maybe it’s the combination of a modern fairy tale like Young Royals and the recent memory of all those Disney classics that made me really think about this, because what I mean is that something that is as archetypal (maybe naïve) in its storytelling as, say, the original 1937 Snow White has never been made and will never be made about a gay couple.

Of course we’ve had queer comedies and fairy tales. But even without bringing up something like Young Royals, which was always intended to have mature themes and adult situations, you have things like Heartstopper or Red White and Royal Blue which, while generally more lighthearted and romanticized, also don’t shy away from more or less complex psychological themes.

Which is a GOOD THING, because writing something as straightforward and rooted in archetypal tradition as Snow White would not make sense nowadays, unless it’s experimental. I’m thoroughly convinced that each era has its own distinctive storytelling requirements that make sense in the cultural context in which they were developed, even though they can still be appreciated by new generations when understood within that cultural context.

At the same time… I find it really sad that queer stories will never experience that kind of storytelling simply because when that storytelling made actual cultural sense, our stories simply were not allowed to be told.

I’m not saying that that kind of storytelling is better than what we have now, it had its problems both by an artistic and an ethical point of view, even though I think there’s a conversation to be had about how modern audiences seem not to have a grasp on the concept of archetypes and contextualization and seem not to understand that not everything needs to be analysed through the lenses of modern sensibilities.

But at the same time… straight love stories get to have that history. Gay love stories don’t. I don’t want a gay Snow White in the style of the 1937 animated movie to be made now, but I wish such a story could have been allowed to exist back when it was actually culturally relevant, so that we could also have that kind of history behind our modern stories.

I love Wille and Simon. I love Charlie and Nick. I love exploring the complications, turmoil and realistic emotions of their love stories. I wish I could have had those stories when I was a teen. But I also wish that gay people could have been allowed to believe in true love’s first kiss.

[that-bipolar-mood]

hey, my therapist thinks i might be bipolar and I’m really scared. it makes sense but it’s not something that I had thought about

I don’t know what to do what if I am bipolar??? im so worried that my friends will see me in a different way and I can’t loose them, I need them there all I have. I don’t know anyone that is bipolar and I have no support groups for bipolar disorder near me the closest one is almost 4 hours away. are people really going to see me so differently? Is being bipolar as bad as it sounds? Would meditation help or make it worse? I know nothing and I’m so worried about what’s going to happen. I know nothing about being bipolar. I’m sorry for the rambling I don’t know what to do, I’m just looking for help here.

-Axel

Hey there, sorry for my rambling, and thanks for stopping by.

Basically, I can assure you that all of us who were diagnosed went through something like this.

It's a long process, not gonna lie, but a good way to start is researching this condition. If you like books, fiction, or nonfiction (though I suggest non-fiction first), a quick google search will give you plenty of suggestions. My fav being Kay Redfield Jamieson, p.h.d. There are also movies, some more realistic than others. Probably among the top three is "Touched with Fire".

Anyway, once you get the basics and perhaps come to the conclusion that your therapist was right, you step on the path towards recovery and acceptance. (Not talking about full recovery since bipolar is a chronic condition)

1. You are still you

I know how deeply profoundly sucky the point of view becomes. You might see life through lenses of this illness, even yourself, your interests, and so on. But the cliché is true: your illness doesn't define you.

2. Acceptance isn't linear

Maybe unconventional, but I found that worrying and thinking about bipolar 24/7 made it worse. Some days I'll feel normal, some days I'll curse the day I was born. I'll mourn the losses I suffered from this illness, but I also will remember that there are is light.

3. This illness is dangerous

So many of us underestimated the consequences( of particularly mania). Depression is well known nowadays, but mania is often romanticised, glorified, and brushed aside. Meds, if prescribed, are your weapon.

4. What happened sucks, but...

Reexamine your life, goals, ambitions, needs, and wants. Even though I refused to accept the diagnosis at first, I still forced the evaluation. Because I felt my life was ruined, I, for the first time, realized what was truly important to strive for. Plus, I got rid of many universal bad habits. But it's okay to take time. Please take time, self care and love are priorities.

5. Let others be

This is probably the hardest part. Some people never tell they are bipolar. But having Carrie Fisher for an inspiration made me stop hiding. Either way, some will leave, and some will stay. It's not your job to educate them, to force their narrow views wide, to in any way lose your energy over their ignorance. BUT. Others will actually try to understand. Your friends, I dare say, will want to help, be there, because you are you, and this is just an illness. Be patient and kind with those. Family is trickier, but in the end, they love you. Remember, when someone leaves, it's their loss. However, in the 21st century, people tend to be more open-minded. I never received a negative comment from my peers. When I "came out," people were kind and gentle, even though I expected them to start throwing stuff at me, literally.

I am certain that you will find your own way of dealing with this load. You will grow and evolve, like a beautiful flower, and this will seem easier, with each step down the road. You can find many successful and happy people with this condition. I personally cannot live without mediation, yoga, my dog, my wonderful friends, and yearly Skam rewatches. These keep me grounded, even when I punch my pillow in frustration, because goddamn universe why me.

Finding your way is therapeutic. the internet offers great advice, people gave great lectures, and you can even find podcasts, specifically about bipolar disorder. But in the end, it's just an illness, yes, a giant part of you, but also the unimportant part. Your thoughts, emotions, interests, desires, and more - this is you - and more. and more. infinite. a whole universe. perfect. While bipolar is merely a dot. And if you two are ever in opposition, my bet will always be on you.

If this is remotely close to an answer, I am glad. If not, my dms are open. Or if I can help in any way, don't hesitate to let me know. With Love,

x

[alarajrogers]

Dream Log: The Moon and the Earth collection

These came from a number of different dreams, except for the ones that didn't.

The Moon reflects the Earth. You can see your own continent up there as a shadow on the Moon, with dots of light showing where the brightest spots are.

The Moon has a lensed reflection on Earth's sky that is ten times bigger than it. So you have the regular Moon, which you see in the sky, and then this gigantic image of it hanging in the sky. This is known to be an optical illusion.

It's dawn, and as I walk out from within shadows, the Moon starts looking like a lossy jpeg, as does its reflection. With every step I take the Moon looks less realistic. Finally it looks like an amorphous blob, and then within a couple of additional steps, it fades, nothing left but a weird shiny-ness in one part of the sky that you can't really make out.

Due to another optical illusion, the Moon appears to be dark blue, but the mares (how do we pluralize mare? It's a Latin word, pronounced ma-ray, not the word for a female horse) are white. This strikes me as funny because if it was real and not an optical illusion, and if it was caused by water, of course the mares would be blue and the rest of the moon white. The Moon is still as visible as it ever was and its colors are very distinct despite being dark blue against a night sky. I don't even notice the implausibility of this until I'm awake. (The last three of these are actually all from the same dream)

The Earth is covered in a field of reality that is kind of like saran wrap around an orange, with a small hole in it where the field does not quite reach itself. This hole is in Iowa. I go there, and there is a concrete, mostly empty room with a door that has opaque "clear" rubber strips, like the kind you see on a loading dock where they want to keep air conditioning or dust or something on one side but people need to move through. There is a teacher with a class who wants to cut in front of me because her number is higher than mine, but her students are lower and I refuse to wait for an entire class of kids to go through. I walk through and I am on another planet. It looks exactly like Earth except without any signs of human presence, and also the Moon is green and gigantic and probably not the same body that is in our sky at all. Being on this side fills me with a strange, hyper energy. (If this sounds familiar, it's because I wrote it as a story, Hole In The World, some time back.)

I'm on an airship heading to the North Pole and I'm super excited. No one has ever been to the other side of the planet before; it's in another dimension. My explorer group is going to be the first people to stand within the other dimension that's on the other side of Earth. We get attacked by unmarked black airships which are probably sent by the US government, and I want to help fight but I can't find a bathroom.

I go to the top floor of a building and look down. This building goes through the Earth in such a way that the gravity is reversed at the bottom; despite this, I can see all the way down and it looks like a normal building. I do not question this. When I take the elevator all the way "down" and I am now at the other top of the building, it looks like a very Soviet-era area with square concrete buildings covered in faded paint. (I wrote this one, too, To The Other Side Of The World, where I made it slightly more plausible by setting it on a flat planet.)

Earth Is Leaking

There is a spot that is somehow hot and desert-like but also a planetary pole where all the continents touch each other, just barely, and yet somehow it is in the middle of the ocean.

[thisisnottherealryannross]

I posted 417 times in 2022

That's 354 more posts than 2021!

177 posts created (42%)

240 posts reblogged (58%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@milothirst

@thisisnottherealryannross

@pheebebuffy

@stellaluna33

@kimberly-stocks

I tagged 226 of my posts in 2022

Only 46% of my posts had no tags

#jess mariano - 103 posts

#gilmore girls - 96 posts

#milo ventimiglia - 68 posts

#rory gilmore - 34 posts

#literati - 34 posts

#jack pearson - 27 posts

#this is us - 27 posts

#jess x rory - 24 posts

#bobby dalbec - 17 posts

#luke danes - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#my dad just said that bobby isnt the kind of guy you want to start fights with because hes big enough and strong enough to clear a bar room

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

this is my sad little dumbass who really fucking needs a hug and no one is allowed to say mean things about him in my comment section

117 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

#4

where were you when the queen died? I was reading the leviathan for a class

118 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

#3

I want to bite him

in a loving, soft way

238 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

#2

okay but jess was honestly the most realistic and normal teenage relationship rory had. dean was bordering on abusive and their relationship was too serious for their age. logan's entire existence is just unrealistic if we're being real (and this is coming from a lower middle class kid going to a rich people college). jess had major issues (adhd, avpd, and ptsd are just some of the possibilities) but when he was actually with rory he was just your average kinda nerdy 17 year old with a crush and to expect "reliability" from him is insane. I think my generation has been jaded to a point of no return because the idea that jess is anything but a kid who needs help is insane. he is not an adult who's supposed to make it on his own in the world. he's school should have supported him more and they should have called luke the second he got to 10 absences.

I also hear a lot of people call dean clingy and needy so I need to clarify that dean is neither of those things, he is obsessive. they way jess becomes attached to and partially dependent on rory might be clingy and needy but dean is NOT. he is far worse.

also can we talk about how sad it is that rory was probably the first person to make jess feel safe enough to just be a kid and not an adult

back to my point about school I saw someone say he would have been better off at a school like Chilton and honestly yeah. the work load would have kept him more engaged and private schools are notorious for actually caring about their students which you see clearly with Chilton. they would have called Luke after the first unexcused absence.

also he's issues don't excuse what happened at the party. obviously he had no intention on SAing her that's clear from how slow he is to approach kissing her so she has time so say no because his verbal communication sucks so much just asking makes him anxious. and on top of that he said she did nothing wrong and went after her to apologize once it clicked what was probably going through her head. but with that said he was a little pushing about it when she pushed him away but even he said he didn't even know what to think anymore (about anything going on with himself really). he raised his voice and snapped at her because he was frustrated with himself and that fact that she was pushing him to talk about what was going on when he didn't want to. does this give him the right to raise his voice at her? absolutely not but he was going to apologize so I assume he knew what he did wrong

anyway that scene is not as bad as it's made out to be and honestly it's one of those scenes that you need to look at with a early 2000s lense because it would have probably been interpreted completely different back then

also why didn't she want to bring him to her prom? like she brought dean to a dance a her school why not jess? he was less whiny about wearing a suit too so I can see him having more fun than dean and not getting in a fight with one of her classmates. also what tf was that "because I'll kill you" bs with Tristan like babe your 16 calm down cool it with the fake tough guy shit

628 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I just watched the video the try guys released about ned and while Zachs very outward sadness and Keith's clear disappointment hurts, Eugene's sadness that he is masking as anger kills me. he may look absolutely furious but you can hear in his voice, especially towards the end, just how upset he is.

4,093 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[imsorryimlate]

I watched the Batman last week and I have finally gathered my Thoughts™ (under a cut because this is gonna get long).

I love how they really hammered home how weird Bruce is, and how everyone in the police thinks Batman is a freak…. which he is. Finally some good fucking autistic representation.

They also really showed how clearly he was Batman rather than Bruce Wayne, which we know is the one he considers his true self. He barely had any scenes as Bruce Wayne and that surprised me but I didn’t mind. I also liked that this wasn’t an origin story, like we all know what happened. Now we can focus on his actual story!

I loved that they FINALLY had a focus on Batman’s detective work (Batman is the world’s greatest detective after all, not the world’s greatest boxer).

The action scenes were not too long and therefore interesting and well placed, and as my brother pointed out, they felt quite realistic, especially with the way Bruce was clearly injured and slowed down over the course of a fight.

I also liked that they included quite a lot of Batman’s different gadgets and stuff, it wasn’t just brute force. The recording lenses was a nice touch!

They really nailed the dark and gritty feel of Gotham. Fucking finally.

Honestly the Riddler’s followers… felt very much in line with how incels and white suprematists often self-radicalise online these days, I liked that touch. Felt relevant, and scary!

The relationship between Bruce and Alfred was really sweet; Bruce doesn’t speak much, but he doesn’t have to. Alfred understands him anyway.

The relationship between Batman and Gordon!! Loved it! They’re FRIENDS! They trust each other!

I actually liked that Bruce was being a little bit of a creep while spying on Selina in her apartment, aka not looking away when she’s changing… we know he’s a creep, it’s a well-known fact (for example).

They made Bruce kind and let him have his trademark heart of gold; it was made very clear that he craves human connection, especially with the way he was helping that injured woman to the stretcher.

I also liked how a lot of the characters felt closer to canon than in other Batsy movies. The Penguin was the mobster guy from the comics, rather than a weirdo eating raw fish in the sewers (although that definitely fit the 1992 movie lol). And in general I felt like I benefitted from being well versed in the Batman universe!

Now Catwoman… Zoë was perfect, and I feel like this version of Selina really worked well in this movie and its storyline. However – and I will admit I’m only briefly familiar with Selina’s different backstories and how this relates to them – there seems to be an insistence that female characters are to be more noble than male characters. I’ve always appreciated Catwoman as a character motivated first and foremost by monetary greed, a trait which is rarely afforded female characters. And while Selina definitely was a thief in this movie, I felt that her motives were “whitewashed”, that the money was something she felt she was owed by Falcone, and that she only wanted the money to get her and Anika out of Gotham. I’m a bit torn. But hey! This could be more of an origin story for her, and that she will come into her thievery and greed at a later time.

There were some things I didn’t like though:

The change of Martha Kane to Martha Arkham felt unnecessary. They’re obviously following the Earth One version of her backstory, and I don’t mind that. I actually like the whole ‘dark family secret’ thing, and mental illness running in Bruce’s family makes sense. It also makes sense because Bruce is clearly autistic, so maybe Martha was too, and back in them olden days, autism could and often did land you in a mental institution (St. Lars and Vipeholm, for two examples I’ve personally studied*). I just don’t know why it was necessary to cut Bruce off from the Kane family?? (*I only had Swedish sources on hand, sorry)

As for Thomas… I did like that the renewal fund was basically a laundering front, that the orphanage was mishandled, and Arkham is obviously no fun place… so I like that the Wayne family was a part of Gotham’s corruption. There’s no such thing as an ethical billionaire. But I think having Thomas be directly involved with Falcone and “accidentally” ordering a hit was a bit on the nose? Also how do you accidentally order a hit on someone like….

I didn’t like that it was suggested the Waynes possibly were taken out by Falcone or Maroni either. The whole thing with how the Waynes die is that it’s so random and unnecessary; you want there to be a bigger picture, but it was just a robbery gone wrong.

Other thoughts:

When Bruce was talking to Alfred in the hospital, about the fear of losing someone he loves like that again…. I couldn’t help but think about how Jason’s death is in Bruce’s future, exactly the thing he fears the most.

As many others have pointed out, this Bruce is definitely unhinged enough to adopt a kid and bring it along to crime scenes, so I’m manifesting baby Richard Grayson in the next movie. God, Bruce would be so awkward around him, but it would finally give him that human connection he craves.

Not sure how I feel about the possibility of the Joker showing up in the sequel though, I am so sick of him. If they do bring him in, I hope they go for the “gentleman criminal” type he is in BTAS rather than Heath Ledger-esque crazy.

[probably-haven]

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

-

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should. 

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can.  Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it. 

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself  and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game 

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows. 

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over- 

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings.  I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is. 

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other-  Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action. 

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways. 

 -Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though. 

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips. 

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself. 

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt.  - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing. 

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth.  - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced. 

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports 

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that. 

-

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead. 

[whumpersdump]

Project Rebirth - CH4: Final Touches

Content! From Whumper’s POV. (They’ll get a title soon btw, I just haven’t decided on a name yet).

[ Previous ] -- [ Masterlist ]

TW: (None of these are graphic) Restraints / blink-and-you-miss it use of  “it” as a pronoun / dehuminization / non-con surgery (non-graphic, whumpee isn’t awake) / lab whump / pet whump / sedation / sensory deprivation (not from Whumpee’s POV) / brain-fiddling? (he talks of an implant that restricts basically everything from speaking to moving. It’s mentioned, not shown)

Everything is set for the first practical stage of Project Rebirth to begin. All that is need is some final surgical attention, and a last talk to Whumper’s new investors. Also no editing we die like Toby’s previous owner...

Whumper sat next to Subject One, like he had every moment of spare time in the past five days. The last two, they barely twitched a muscle. Of course this was in part because of the starvation, but it was nice to have achieved nonetheless. Even if would wear of. Their body may be still, but the occasional twitch, hitch of a breath, told him their mind was racing.

He already picked out a name for them. Their masterpiece, even if it would take nine months before he would see their frantic eyes again. Everything was prepared. Their nursery—which was a rather misleading name, but it fit the process, and the marketing—was almost done, the housing facility would be complete in three months.

Subject One was the only one who really needed to be in the container for the sake of the time that it would give Whumper, but the aspect fit the aesthetic his investors expected. It would be what kept the program running for decades to come.

Subject One shuddered. They’d gotten the message. He’d chosen one of his newly acquired sponsors to deliver it through the earpieces. Not because it needed to be. He could just as easily move, then sedate the subject. Make the chaos in their mind spike just before they’d awake in ominous calm. Comforting calm, though it would take a while for the subject to feel about in that way. They had nine months, it would be enough.

The sponsors needed to feel special anyway. Some of them could make perfect pets, the way they seemed to crave special attention. He could try it someday. With this Project, even they could be reborn.

He nodded at Toby. “Bring them to the surgeon. It’s time for stage 3.”

Toby exited the corner he’d been standing in for the past day. It was a test, to see how obedient he really was. So far, Whumper had been pleased. Sure, seeing pets shiver at the thought of accidentally moving a muscle without permission could be rewarding, but it didn’t bring the type of productivity he needed. Toby’s compliant personality, in combination with Whumper’s training, did.

Toby reached for the subject’s shoulder like he always did.

“Not anymore, Toby,” Whumper commanded. “No more touching of any kind. You can move them, tube and all.”

Toby obeyed. With precision, he took the hand truck out of place and rolled it over to the doors that opened to the medical wing. Subject One would feel this, but it wasn’t enough to skew the results. If anything, it could amplify the result he was looking for.

He followed behind Toby, but entered the door to the watching room instead of the OR like Toby did. That’s where his funding was waiting. He hated having to care about it, but money was simply necessary for him to scale up the Project. “Thank you for coming back,” he told the seven investors waiting for him. “As I’ve said before, most of the program is completely tailored to your pet and the pet you wish they become. That means, no program looks or feels the same. This part though, they all have in common.”

He guided their gazes down to the OR—where the surgeon had sedated the subject—and begun the procedure. Toby watched from his corner, as Whumper had told him to. This would be the only time he was allowed this close to a subject before Rebirth, so Whumper made sure he knew as much as possible. The pet didn’t lie. He used to, but his previous owner trained it out of him.

If he were to fulfill any purpose at all in the future, he would have to learn to. Knowing about the stages before meeting the Reborn subjects was a good way to teach them. After all, he’d be the one to truly push the subject’s minds over the edge.

The investors patiently waited for Whumper to explain what was happening. “The implant all subjects receive is what makes this project so realistic. Like a newborn child, they have to learn everything. Eating, speaking, resisting, if you want them to. All in an effort to recreate them into the pet they were always meant to be. Now of course, some of them have skills we do want them to keep. Take Toby down there, he’s a master on the piano. For each pet, the implant’s functions can be customized.”

One of the investors raised her hand. “What are your plans for this one then?” she asked. “Does it have anything worth keeping?”

Whumper smiled. “In a less dire situation, we might have chosen to keep certain parts of them, but as you’ve noticed this is not the average pet we’re talking about. They will be reborn a blank slate. The only thing any pets are allowed to keep is their understanding of language—so they can obey commands, and their ability form minimal amounts of coherent thought and memory. We’ve found that this process works best if to some extent, the pets are aware of the changes. A risk, I know, especially with this one, but it will prove efficient.”

He straightened his tie. “This one in particular has quite the mouth, and they tend to use a bit too much of what they hear against their trainers. For that reason, we’ve limited their access to their vocabulary a bit more than usual. They’ll be able to understand simple sentences, but we won’t have to worry about their natural perceptiveness.”

“What’s he doing to their eyes?” a second investor asked.

Whumper’s heart fluttered. He’d hoped they’d ask. “Those, are highly sophisticated remote-controlled lenses.” They weren’t necessary, they function was mostly aesthetical from the subject’s perspective. They helped make it all a bit more realistic on both sides, though.

“They don’t have to be removed, ever. Which is why we’re putting them in so early. They control the subject’s ability to see color, and light. Like them implant, we can control them from behind the scenes. They aren’t vital, but they smooth out the transition from the Rebirth into the following stages of the program.”

He glanced down into the OR, where the surgeon was finishing up, and the other staff had begun to prepare the subject for stage 4’s container. “I’m afraid that I can’t show you anymore at this point, so my staff can take on this challenge with as little distraction as possible. However I’m happy to answer as many of your questions as I can.”

Several hands shot up. Whumper smiled.

“What are they doing?” Was the first question.

Whumper gazed down. Four people were removing the restraints and the jacket, and outfitted the subject in the thin white suit that would help keep them healthy and alive throughout the following stage.

They connected the dozens of tubes and wires that would take care of everything they couldn’t handle from outside the container, as he called it. “I’m afraid this is another one of those trade secrets, but what I can tell you is that in spite of how it looks, this will make the pre-Birth stage as realistic as it can be.”

“What about these nurseries that your people kept going on about. I’m sure they’re important, but it all sounds a bit too… human for my taste. I prefer my pets are used to the necessary restraints and housing conditions, so to speak.”

Whumper nodded. He wasn’t surprised to hear this investor thought his standard approach too kind. She’d demanded her pets were kept muzzled and bound at the facility’s daycare, even though they were among the most compliant creatures he’d ever seen.

“As I said,” he answered. “Everything can be customized. This subject I believe, will gain more from approach that teaches them that as a placeable pet, they will be cared for as long they don’t resist. Should you trust us with your pets though, if we decide after the evaluation that another approach may achieve the desired results more efficiently, we’re prepared. We have nurseries of all kinds, and our staff is prepared to fulfill any role they need to play.”

That seemed to please them. Whumper turned to the last question.

“How long does this program take?”

“We have multiple options. The standard program Subject One will go through can take up to sixteen years starting at the Rebirth, with a minimum time of three years. Now of course, that is a long time for a pet to be away. We have two accelerated programs that last either a few months, or even just a few weeks. You’re free to choose, but after the evaluation we will provide you with a suggestion. Not all pets need the full experience. Especially if they’re not old enough to be placed, a longer program can harm the natural development.”

A frown formed on a few faces.

“I can see you’re worried about the results I’ve promised you. You won’t have to wait long. The program may be an intense procedure, but the results will start to show after just a few weeks. The rest of the Project is about making them last, so these—” He dangled the subject’s bright red collar in front of them— “will soon be no more than a reminder of what I’ve solved.”

Whumper clasped his hands. The subject was moved out of the OR, into the container hall. “I must go now. My assistant will be up shortly to escort you out. I should mention Toby’s not allowed to be too talkative around strangers, but he’s still learning. If he breaks any rules, please contact me. He doesn’t respond well to strangers punishing him, he’s a bit too loyal for that.”

Taglist (asks are open if you wanna be added or removed): @suspicious-whumping-egg

[ramblingsekai]

So originally I was going to write the Part 2 of the Miku event post today but I’m way more tired than I thought I would be. I still want to write some stuff though so here. Have some HCs and random ideas that are too short to be in its own post, but I still kinda want to be written down somewhere. (wow I only wrote about 25ji)

In the 4 star Kanade card where she’s staring at the computer screen (from the event where she and Mafuyu talk about how they met), Kanade is shown wearing large, blue headphones that are wired. They kinda look too big for her ears and also look kind of older styled. In her 3 star card (Beyond the Screen), she is shown wearing wireless headphones that are dark pink and look more modern. So I think that Kanade might have been using her dad’s headset when she started making music to save people after he dad first collapsed. And then at some point, in an area conversation, I think Kanade mentions that she has to get her headset(?) fixed. So I think that maybe her dad’s headphones broke and she fixed them, but then she later got replacements bc she didn’t want to break any of her dad’s stuff in case he comes back.

Kanade and Mafuyu. I’ll admit I like Kanamafu but I know they’re not exactly the healthiest of relationships. Even just looking at their friendship. It is pretty toxic that their relationship seems to hinge on to save/be saved aspect so heavily. However, just bc their friendship began this way, doesn’t necessarily means that it will forever stay that way. I think that as time moves on and Mafuyu spends more time with 25ji and maybe even other people from the other groups, she’ll discover that it’s not a song that will save her, but it’s herself that will save her. Cheesy and not really realistic, but I doubt Proseka is going to involve actual therapists and positive adult role models to Mafuyu anytime soon. But still hear met out. In the event where Mafuyu helps Kanade and introduces her to Ichika, at the very end, she acknowledges a warm feeling in her chest after helping Kanade. Seems like a small thing, but the fact is that Mafuyu is slowly changing and this reaction is in response to Kanade. I hypothesize that with Mafuyu’s story, she is going to end up feeling again and regaining her emotions as she spends more time with 25ji and that it will be Mafuyu who “saves” Kanade. Kanade finally breaks down (her dad not remembering her, not making a song capable of saving Mafuyu, maybe Mizuki’s secrets and angst coming out, etc.) and it shakes up everyone in 25ji, but it will be Mafuyu who pushes through and helps break Kanade’s curse. Bc Mafuyu realizes that maybe it wasn’t necessarily Kanade’s songs that were reaching her heart, but that it was bc someone was finally empathizing with Mafuyu and caring for her that was missing from her life. Mafuyu’s parents care about Mafuyu but only through selfish lenses that ultimately harm her more than help her at this point. So Kanade being the one who empathizes with her feelings and showing genuine care for her I think is what is going to help Mafuyu, not a song. Mafuyu may think it’s a song that will save her, but I think it will ultimately be Kanade herself realizing that she wants to help Mafuyu, not bc of a curse/guilt from her father’s collapse, but bc Kanade will realize that she does genuinely care about Mafuyu as a person and as her friend. So yeah. I’m not going to defend Kanamafu and say it’s not toxic, but I think that Kanamafu has the potential to grow and become something more. I know there are some flaws in my theory, but this is just me thinking about how they will mature and grow beyond the saving aspect they started on. (Disclaimer: I’m not an expert on mental health so please don’t use any of these HCs as actual advice for your mental health)

Now with Mizuki and Ena. The other elephant in the room. It’s hard to say how exactly their relationship will go. Bc I think most of us can agree that Mizuki’s secret isn’t going to change Ena’s friendship with them and that Ena will still be Mizuki’s friend. But I don’t see Mizuki actively revealing their secret to Ena. So I hypothesize that the way their story will reach its peak is that someone else will tell Ena Mizuki’s secret without Mizuki’s consent. And Mizuki finds out that Ena knows and begins shutting everyone out. And that VBS may partly get involved in this. An notices that Mizuki is being distant with everyone (Toya, Tsukasa, Rui,etc.) and hears that Akito’s sister has been asking about Mizuki. So An sits Mizuki down and they have a heart to heart with other. An helps provide some perspective and reveals how An will always consider Mizuki a friend. Meanwhile, Akito begins noticing that Ena has been extra depressed lately and eventually asks what happened. Ena actually tells Akito everything and Akito realizes that it must be bad if Ena is actually telling him what’s wrong. So Akito and An decide to hold an intervention for Mizuki and gather all of Mizuki’s friends to show that they support Mizuki. They all talk it out and Mizuki finally realizes how supportive everyone is. Mizuki opens up more and starts being more real with 25ji. (Disclaimer: I don’t know how real life interventions work and I realize this might be too forceful for some people in real life, but this is anime).

Ultimately, I think 25ji need like a therapist and some good adult role models. I’m not an expert, but even I can tell that IRL, they’re gonna need more than the power of friendship.

I honestly meant to write HCs that involved the other groups, but I just realized that I only wrote about 25ji. So I guess I have 25ji brain worms today. Anyways, what are your thoughts? Let me know and let me know if I got anything wrong. Thanks for reading.

[forthegothicheroine]

Stealing this book meme from @wormwoodandhoney, originally from booktubers! Feel free to steal it from me!

1. Best book you’ve read so far in 2021: In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado. What can I say about this book? I don’t read a whole lot of dark memoirs, but this true story of the author’s relationship with an abusive girlfriend is formatted by taking it through a million different literary and film genres, examining it through a million different lenses, pulling out the reader’s heart a million different ways.  It’s amazing.

The other favorite book I’ve read so far is A Libertarian Walks Into a Bear by Matthew Hongoltz-Hetling.  It’s also dark non-fiction, but this one reads like super-dark comedy, Stephen King by way of the Coen Brothers.  It’s about libertarians attempting to make their ideal community in an economically depressed Vermont town, exactly the same time a bunch of bears who may have had a brain-affecting parasite started invading.  My husband called it Bearoshock.

2. Best sequel you’ve read so far in 2021: Bright We Burn by Kiersten White. This was the final book in The Conqueror’s Saga, an alternate history about a female Vlad the Impaler.  While I (still) found the relationship with Mehmed a bit forced, this continued to present one of my all time favorite antiheroines, unlikeable and terrifying and very compelling.  I know very little about this history, which I imagine would make me like the book either more or less, but White really knows how to capture and keep my interest.

3. New release you haven’t read yet, but want to: Angel of the Overpass by Seanan McGuire, the final book in her Ghost Roads trilogy, my favorite of her many series.  Just ordered it!

4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year: The Final Girl Support Group by Grady Hendrix.  I’ve already read multiple books with similar premises (Final Girls, We Are All Completely Fine) but I adore Grady Hendrix and I feel he’s wonderful with female protagonists and premises that are silly on the outside and very deep on the inside.  He’s an automatic buy for me.

5. Biggest disappointment: The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.  This won the Pulitzer Prize, so it’s probably my fault for not getting it.  Still, I was baffled that you’d come up with a steampunk/magic realism concept about a literal railroad to freedom and then not actual do anything with the railroad.

6. Biggest surprise: The Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio (translation by Wayne A. Rebhorn) is so much fun!  The stories are so bawdy and goofy and the narrator’s voice is really delightful.  Sympathetic to Jews, disdainful of the church and preoccupied with the idea of women being in their rights to seek out good times, it gave me a view of the kind of Renaissance personality I have never seen onscreen. Besides, tailoring stories to tell to friends during a plague is something I’ve been doing a lot in the past year or so, so I strongly identified.

7. Favorite new author. (Debut or new to you): Alyssa Cole.  Her romance novella Let it Shine was amazingly beautiful and painful and sexy and compulsively readable.  I have to check out her Loyal League series now!

8. Newest fictional crush: As above, Ivan Friedman from Let it Shine, a Jewish boxer and activist in 1960s Virginia full of passion and fight, committed to being the one who takes punches for other people.  But I wouldn’t want to take him away from Sofie, respectable black college girl turned Freedom Rider.

9. Newest favorite character: Jordan Baker from The Chosen and the Beautiful by Nghi Vo, a magical realist retelling of The Great Gatsby.  This Jordan is a Vietnamese adoptee, stylish and smart but forever an outsider, possessed of a magical talent exploited by her selfish best friend, in love with two weak-willed people, the only one who can see through to demonic souls even after it’s too late.  I got an ARC from work- look out for my official review!

10. Book that made you cry: Help at Any Cost by Maria Szalavitz.  Oof.  This is a scathing and horrifying and unfortunately page-turning expose of schools designed to break “troublesome” children into submission.  It’s a few decades old, but I can’t imagine this line of thinking and abuse has gone away.  (Side note: it inspire me to try and write a ghost story, which I can’t decide whether it might be in bad taste, but it’s the way I have to work out my feelings.)

11. Book that made you happy: Paperback Crush by Gabrielle Moss, an examination of the pre-Harry Potter ya books sold at scholastic fairs, meant for only a few uses.  I haven’t read most of them, but this made me feel like I was on a giddy sugar rush at a sleepover party, recommending and making fun of books with my friends.

12. Most beautiful book you’ve bought so far this year (or received): Through the Woods by Emily Carroll.  An eerie graphic novel collection of Carroll’s horror stories. illustrated in a deceptively simplistic but bone-chilling style.

13. What books do you need to read by the end of the year? The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid, partly because it looks amazing but also to justify impulse buying it when I already had too many unread books at home.

[lunannex]

Character Design of Latinos 

by a Latina who is tired of y'all not doing your research.

—————

First of all, please keep in mind that I don't speak for anyone but myself. You should never stop at just one source of information, and I would honestly really advise you to listen to other Latinos —especially other Latinos of color— to hear their thoughts and perspectives as well. And second, please remember that Latino is not a race! I can't believe I even have to say this, but the term refers to anyone who is from Latin American or who has Latin American heritage or descent and should never be referenced as a race. Alright, now that that's out of the way, let's dive right into it!

—————

People don't seem to realize that Latinos can come in all shapes, colors and sizes. People like Sofia Vergara and Michael Peña shouldn't be your only source of reference when trying to figure out what you want your character to look like. As I mentioned here, Latinos are diverse not just in our cultures but also in our appearances and, contrary to popular belief, we're not a monolith of people that all look alike. Latin Americans, just like every other ethnic group, have an incredible amount of genetic diversity.

Don't believe me? Just look at all these people:

Now, what do they have in common? They're all Latinos. See how they all have different skin tones, facial structures, hair textures and body types? Yeah, they don't look the same to me.

A character's design can reflect their personality and give the audience a good idea of who they are as people. And just as whatever languages a Latino does or doesn't know shouldn't invalidate their identity, neither should their appearance.

The thing about character design when it comes to marginalized groups is that it goes hand-in-hand with all the stereotypes that are constantly perpetuated. 

Why are Afro-Latinos only portrayed as maids, nannies or drug dealers? Why are the Latinos that look like Michael Peña portrayed as violent or lazy? Why are they always the comedic relief, immigrants or people with a lower-class status? Why are the Latinas that look like Sofia Vergara and JLo portrayed as spicy and exotic mistresses? I mean, we obviously know why, but I'm just saying, if that's what you think all Latinos are like then you are in desperate need of a wake up call.

There's this huge misunderstanding of the Latino identity. The misconception that we all have the same tanned skin tone, the same facial structures, body types, hair textures, personalities, etc. when that's...really not the case. Society has taught a lot of people that if our appearances don't fit in with this unrealistic ideal they have of us, our identities are therefore invalidated. And this misconception causes Black, Indigenous and Mixed Latinos to be underrepresented or entirely dismissed in media and society in general more often than not. 

I want to add that while white Latinos' identities do get invalidated from time to time as well —I say this because one of my best friends is a white Latino but since he's, well, white, some people don't seem to believe him and just seem to think that he's joking—, it's not nearly to the same extent as the types of Latinos that I mentioned beforehand do. White Latinos still hold a lot of privilege in society despite this.

Also just an important note that you should keep in mind and take into consideration: just because a Latino is white doesn't mean that they don't or can't have features that are more frequently associated with their ethnicity.

It's alright to portray light-skinned Latinos. Like I said, we're very diverse. But you have to question your reason for making the character have that skin color. Remember, you are the creator. You're the one in control of all these decisions and if all of your characters are portrayed as light-skinned people then you really have to take a step back and reevaluate your decisions because that right there sounds a lot like colorism. 

When you say you want more Latino representation, you should be referring to all kinds of Latinos. You shouldn't just mean the ones that you and the rest of society consider acceptable. And no, it's not exactly your responsibility to create diverse characters, but if you're preaching about diversity and sitting on your high horse then I sure do hope that you're willing to actually do something about it. Performative activism is harmful and, at the end of the day, does absolutely nothing if you're not willing to put the work into it.

Additionally, don't be afraid of implementing aspects of their culture into their design. Let them be proud of their culture, let them engage in it. However! Please don't take this as an excuse to center their entire personality around their culture. You may think you're doing something when, really, you aren't. You're just feeding into all the harmful stereotypes and not making any actual effort to add real depth to your character (looking at all the people that make celebrating Día de los Muertos, eating tacos, and liking "Gasolina" and "Despacito" their character's only defining personality traits).

Personally, I would love to see more of the following:

• A thin-lipped and curly-haired Latina.

• A Latino with freckles. This one may seem strange but most of the time I just see Latinos with moles, not that there's anything wrong with that (I have a lot of them myself), but it'd be nice to see some variation.

• For a Latina to be considered beautiful without being fetishized and objectified.

• A Latino who doesn't fit the "sexy macho" stereotype to be considered desirable.

• More LGBTQ+ Latinos, especially ones who are POC.

• Black, Indigenous, Asian and Mixed Latinos.

• Disabled Latinos.

• Jewish Latinos.

• Muslim Latinos.

• Latinos with different body types.

• Soft-spoken Latinos.

• Successful Latinos who are well-off.

• Latinos who are allowed to be emotionally vulnerable.

• Latinos with complex storylines and realistic flaws.

• Latinos at the center of the story instead of just existing in the background for the sake of "diversity".

• Just more positive and diverse representation overall.

There's not enough positive portrayals out there of us, and it's exhausting having to sit back and watch as my people get portrayed so negatively. Am I saying that there's no good representation out there for us? No, there absolutely is good representation (ex. In The Heights, On My Block, One Day at a Time, Coco, Miles Morales, Luz Noceda from The Owl House, the Molina family from Julie and the Phantoms, etc.), but that doesn't take away from the fact that a lot of the representation that we have throughout all types of media is, for a lack of better word, bad.

And you can't just say, "Oh, but at least you have representation, can't you be at least a little grateful? Why are you complaining so much?" because you don't get to decide what people are and aren't allowed to be upset about. Despite the positive representation that exists out there, it tends to be overshadowed seeing as a lot of people still view us through this negative lense that they've consistently been told to believe is true when it's really not.

All types of Latinos deserve to be represented in a positive light. So make sure the character you're portraying feels like an actual person as opposed to an offensive one-dimensional caricature because sometimes having bad representation is worse than having no representation at all.

[3pirouette]

Fic: Fighting Doesn't Make You a Hero (2/?)

Title: Fighting Doesn't Make You a Hero

By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :)

Story Summary: StuntCoordinator!Steve meets Actress!Peggy, who is an absolute menace when it comes to stunts.

Chapter Summary: Steve falls hard for Peggy (figuratively) while Peggy falls hard (literally).

A/N: Here’s some more of the story I tried so hard to write last year when I put this little AU out. Also, this is the “more” that I think only one person actually asked for. Hope you like it, anyway. I’ve always loved this idea, the rest of the story has just alluded me until now. For Steggy Week ’21 Day 3: Favorite AU.

Apparently, there will be more of this, because my brain has FINALLY figured out how this is supposed to go, and it’s not just one chapter’s worth. Sheesh.

Also, if it is not clear (it should be…) I know nothing about stunts or stage fighting. Completely made up. Please enjoy.

~*~

Chapter 2: Thrust and Parry

It was hard to be nice to her when he was waiting for the next injury to occur. He was professional, clear, and concise. They rehearsed for hours straight on Wednesday for a long, single shot of her moving through a room full of stunt men for one of the climatic battles.

Though no one got seriously hurt, there were a few bumps and bruises that shouldn’t have happened.

It was hard not to be harsh with her, not to be demanding. He could see moments of beauty in how she moved, but then she’d go too far and make contact. He had to find a way of breaking her of it, if not for his own safety, for that of the stuntmen around him.

~*~

It was an early call for the shot they’d spent the entire previous day rehearsing. He was bleary and chugging coffee as quick as he could stomach it. Peggy was already on her way out of hair and make-up as he passed the trailer. She gave him a shy half smile as she passed him, being ushered from one trailer to the next to be slid into her ridiculously tight costume.

On one hand, he got it. He couldn’t deny that she looked absolutely gorgeous in that costume. (How long he’d spent thinking last night about her in that costume and what she might be able to do with that Lasso of Truth absolutely was not relevant…) But from a practical standpoint the costume wasn’t realistic at all, and she wobbled horribly on the stilettos. They had to stop rolling often to keep her taped into the thing.

The stuntmen around him were warming up, and he even heard a few near him joking about wearing cups. He gave them a sharp look, waiting until everyone was quiet before he reviewed timing and patterns while they waited for her to come out to set.

The director wasted no time once Peggy was on set. They made minor adjustments to the cameras and rolled on the first run through. He was proud as he watched them all, every move was timed right and it looked fantastic. He waited, with a smile, for the director to give his notes.

There wasn’t much for his team, but the director took Peggy aside and gave her quite notes and reset the scene quickly. He shot it over and over, from new angles and with different lenses, and by the time it was over, there were three black eyes and a cracked camera lens.

Peggy’s assistant ushered her off set as soon as they cut the last take, the star unable to look him in the eyes as she walked past.

~*~

The director decided, after a short break, he wanted another go at the capturing the pattern. Steve reluctantly went off in search of Peggy, hoping to figure out where she’d gone wrong that morning. He couldn’t find her in her trailer, and her assistant only pointed vaguely towards the parking lot.

He found her in a far hidden corner of the lot, sitting on the edge of a flower pot, crying. He was startled by a side of her he wasn’t prepared to see. He thought maybe he’d be coming out here to find her sneaking a smoke or a flask of rum. He’d heard she was dangerous, a bitch, a tough broad who didn’t care about the stunt men that she hurt. This didn’t really fit with all the stories he’d heard. “Peggy?”

She moved to wipe away her tears, manicured fingers moving swiftly and carefully around the fake lashes and caked on make-up. “I’m sorry. I’ll be right there. He wants another take, right?”

Steve crouched down next to her. “Are you… are you ok?”

She laughed, watery and weary. “Oh, good lord, no, but I’ll be there in a minute.” She waved her hand at him. “I’ll have to stop in make-up first.”

Steve stood hesitantly, astonished at how she pulled herself together so quickly. “Is there… is there anything I can do?”

She looked up at him, taking a deep breath. “I don’t mean to hurt anyone, I promise. I mean, I know I have a reputation, but… I’m not an action hero. I’ve never been physical. I’m not good at it.” She shook her head. “I’m a Shakespearean actress.” She stood, wiping at her mouth and pacing. “Give me Ophelia or Bianca or Beatrice. Hell, even give me a sword fight. I can fence, you know. But one time I get a tiny part in an action film and all of a sudden, I’m being type cast as some action hero and no one ever even taught me how to do any of this!” She was pacing quickly now, the rant spilling from her lips like a waterfall of words she couldn’t stop if she tried, her weariness evident with each syllable. “Not once was I instructed on the how, just, ‘punch here’ and ‘kick there.’ And it was fun so I kept doing it. I thought it was worth it, you know? But I should be saying no. The sane thing to do would be to say no to all of this but I mean, who says no to Wonder Woman?!” Peggy stopped, her face morphing as she realized all she’d said, her hands coving her mouth for a moment before she forced herself back into a stoic, hard shell. Her chin wobbled, betraying her hidden emotion as she pushed past him towards the make-up trailer. “Just know I don’t mean it. And I’m sorry.”

He watched her move away, stunned in her wake. He didn’t quite know what to do with that information, but he was quickly starting to feel a soft spot for her forming. He moved quickly back to set, relaying that she would be there soon and watching the team of stuntmen around him stretch to perform the scene once more.

She was back on set, looking fresh and happy, in just minutes. He ran them through the pattern again, and watched closer this time.

Once he’s shed himself of expectations, it was easy to see that she really didn’t have any idea what she was doing. She was a natural mover, to the point where he figured she was probably a good dancer, and that went a long way to hiding the technical flaws. But she was jerky when she tried to pull her punches and she wobbled off balance when she held back power in her kicks. She misjudged force when blocking constantly, and it put her on her heels, literally.

She was on her back in a blink when she shouldn’t be, coughing and sputtering. She had the air torn from her lungs with the impact, and everyone froze in place.

Steve bounded over, pushing through his stunt team to kneel by her side. Her eyes were closed, pressed tight. “Peggy, are you ok?” She was gasping, trying to get the rhythm of breathing back. “Slow in through your nose, slow out through your mouth, ok?”

He lifted her hand in his as she nodded, sputtering once more before slowly getting a deep breath in, and then another. He squeezed her hand tight. “Good, good.” He smiled when she blinked her eyes open, her breath starting to come back. “Better?”

She nodded, but he could see the frustration and fear in her eyes, welling tears following quickly.

“Let’s get her checked out,” the director called. “We got what we needed anyway.”

Peggy tried to sit her up, but Steve pushed her back down. “Wait until the medic gets here, ok?”

“I’m fine,” she argued, having tamed the tears quickly.

“Be that as it may,” he smiled, whispering, “You know what the protocol is.”

It wasn’t quite a smile, but it was the closest he saw to one today as her hand held tight to his. “Fine. Just this once.”

He moved away mindlessly when the medic came in and started talking to her, checking for a concussion or cervical injury, eyes still on her face.

Forget about the Lasso of Truth, her smile would be what was haunting his dreams tonight.

~*~

He met her in the rehearsal gym, bright and early the next day. He was on the floor, warming up, when she came in, hair pulled back messily and no make-up on, thermos of coffee in her hands. She was pretty much the exact opposite of the made-up, costumed bombshell from yesterday, but he was no less enthralled with her.

He couldn’t help it: he smiled.

Her smile back was half hidden behind another sip of coffee. “Good morning,” she said softly in her lilting English accent that she covered up for her movie appearances.

“Morning,” he stood, wiping his hands on his pants. “How are you feeling?”

“Bit of a headache,” she replied, setting her coffee down and pulling off her jacket. “Are the rest of the team coming?”

Steve hung his head, bashful. “Uh, no. I had them stay last night and run through tomorrow’s scene with your double.”

“Oh.” Peggy froze, the word slipping out softly. She started putting her jacket back on, trying to hide her disappointment. “I didn’t get the message. I thought I was doing the scene.”

“You are!” Steve corrected quickly, holding his hand out. “I just thought…” He sniffed and cleared his throat, trying to sound as professional as he could. “After I found you yesterday, I watched you do the scene again. I mean, really watched you. And you’re right. You’re missing a lot of the basics.”

Peggy wrapped her jacket back around her, crossing her arms. “Yes, well, like I said—”

“You weren’t taught,” he supplied quickly and gently, eyes kind and open. He shrugged and tried to smile. “I thought we could spend some time on that this morning. You already know the scene, so if we go back in and fill in some of those blanks you have…” He trailed off, hoping she’d understand.

She licked her lip slowly, thinking. “And you told the other stuntmen to stay home because…”

He wasn’t sure what she thought he was going to say, but he could imagine how some of his collogues might have treated her and couldn’t say that he almost expected her surprise. “I don’t want you to feel like they were watching you, or judging you. It’s not your fault no one taught you this, or that whoever you’ve worked with before didn’t take the time to make sure you were doing it right.”

She bent, grabbing her coffee to try to hide the shock he saw. She took a long swing and then nodded, pulling her jacket off again. “Alright then.”

He waved his hand, signaling her to follow him to the middle of the cushioned floor.

She was a quick study, and he’d been right as she eventually reveled somewhere in their discussions of balance and force, that she’d been a dancer before she became an actress.

“ACL surgery,” she replied, pulling up the leg of her legging and showing him the scar on her knee that he was sure must have been covered by make-up every other time he’d seen her. “Retore after the first surgery, and I never danced the same after.”

The melancholy that had started to disappear as they’d been going through their first few lessons returned, and Steve swore he’d do anything to see a smile on her face again. After a moment, he pulled up the sleeve on his t-shirt and showed her the crisscrossing pattern on his shoulder. “Cool scar, but I think this one wins.”

“Ohhh,” Peggy reached out, her fingertips lightly brushing over the flattened lines. “What happened?”

“IED just outside of Fallujah. Caught our caravan off guard.” He turned, pulling the shirt back more to show her the back of the shoulder. “Two bullets, six pieces of shrapnel, three torn tendons and almost a year of physical therapy.”

She let her hand run down his arm in a gentle way that made his heart pound. “Is that why you got out?”

He shrugged, stepping away and pulling his sleeve down. “It’s why they wouldn’t let me back in, so yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“Do you miss it?” Peggy asked, truly interested.

He paused. He wasn’t sure anyone had ever asked him that before. He must have been quiet long enough that she took his lack of an answer as not wanting to answer, because she started rambling, stepping over to get more coffee.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. I only asked because,” she paused to sip, taking a deep breath. “Well, because I didn’t really get to choose to stop dancing, my body chose for me. And as much as I love this…” she paused, her voice growing quieter as she looked down at her coffee, “sometimes I miss it.”

Steve softly stepped towards her. “This can be a lot like dancing, you know.” He held out his hand.

Peggy set her coffee down and took it, a smile on her face. “Really?”

He nodded, giving her a gentle pull that pulled her towards his body. “Think of it less like moves and add beats to it.” He started counting softly in fours, walking them through the pattern they’d just practiced: step forward, step back, parry, swing and miss, swing and block, swing, connect, turn under and sweep the leg.

Peggy laughed with delight as they stopped, standing. “That was… so much easier!”

Steve couldn’t help but smile back, she looked like an excited child on Christmas morning and he wanted more of that. “See? I told you. You just needed to understand it a little more. To figure out how to make it make sense to you.”

She bounced on the balls of her feet, excited. “Can we try the second pass?”

He nodded, stepping in front of her. He started counting again as she squeaked with happiness behind him. Push, pull, drop, jump, punch, punch… they moved through with the fluidity he knew she possessed but had somehow never understood or tapped into before. He smiled at her as they finished the set: her wrists in his hands, held over her head as they stood face to face.

They both smiled, but didn’t move. Steve could feel his heart pounding, and if the look on her face was any indication, the moment wasn’t one sided.

But he was here professionally, and it did no good to lean in and kiss her breathless like he wanted. He started to pull away quickly, but Peggy grabbed his hands, keeping him close. “Thank you,” she whispered, eyes shining with an emotion he didn’t want to think too hard about.

He didn’t understand. “For what?”

“For this.” She shrugged, twining her fingers with his. “For not just believing I’m a dangerous bitch who doesn’t care who she hurts. For taking the time to actually teach me,” she smiled, “and get to know me.”

It was still between them, and he could tell what they both wanted, but he couldn’t give in. Not while they were in the middle of the movie and he knew she’d still need so much more help if she was going to make it to the end of all of the complicated fight scenes and wire work. Instead, he redirected, smiling wide. “Don’t thank me yet. We’ve got to do all that again, but this time, in the heels.”

Peggy frowned, but didn’t let go of his hands. “Bloody hell, I hate those fucking things.”

[eloquentgifs]

DWJ Reading Project. Part I

As I said here, my 2021 resolution is gonna be READING EVERY DIANA WYNNE JONES BOOK I CAN FIND, and due to my love of making lists and taking notes, I’ve decided keeping track of this reading project here in this post, which I’ll keep updated as I make progress. It’s mostly for my own pleasure, but maybe it helps someone who wants to give it a try to this amazing writer and doesn’t know where to start.

Part II (1977 – 1981 & The Chrestomanci Series)

Part III (1984 - 1992 & Land of Ingary Series)

- Changeover (1970) I couldn’t find it, which it’s a pity because not only it’s her first novel, but it’s one of the few she wrote for adult readers. For what I’ve seen, it’s a political comedy about colonialism in Africa.

- Witch’s Business (also called Wilkin’s Tooth, 1973) It tells the story of two siblings who start a revenge/dirty work business to make some cash and ended up caught in a crazy plot of debts, witchcraft, old grudges, painting modelling and treasure hunting. I love how even this early in her career you can already find some of her creative trademarks, altought it’s not as polished as her future novels. Still, the characters and the dynamics between them are pretty good, the way everything unfolds is flawless, and it is a fun read in general.

- The Ogre Downstairs (1974) Three kids are dealing with the fact that her mother married a guy who’s rather grumpy and terryfing (the titular ogre), and that now the household includes him and his two sons. The story begins with the Ogre buying a chemistry set to each group of siblings, and they turn out to be magical, so a lot of crazy shit happens and they start to get along with each other as they have to colaborate to clean a mess after another before the ogre finds out. I must confess I didn’t enjoy that much the first half because everyone was being an asshole, but it improves as the characters own their shit and decide to be better. Magic here it’s merely an excuse, Diana just wanted us to learn empathy and how to build a good coexistence.

- Eight Days of Luke (1975) David is depressed because he’ll have to stay with his abussive relatives during the summer, but then he mets this weird kid with powers called Luke and they become bff’s. Unfortunately, Luke is also in bad terms with his own relatives and David will have to help him to hide from them. I’d say you’ll enjoy more this book if you have some basic knowledge on Norse Mythology, but tbh I think reading it without any clue about the subject might be interesting in its own way, because you’ll discover the stuff as David does. Great read anyway.

- Dogsbody (1975) This one it’s like two different premises mixed up together. First, we have this society formed by sentient stars and planets, in which Sirius was a very important figure until he’s judged and punished for murder, and we follow him while he tries to get free (and maybe prove his innocence?). On the other hand, I think Diana just wanted to write a dog POV. In any case, both ideas where combined perfectly, and the result it’s crazy good. Some trigger warnings tho: there are several depictions of animal abuse, and once again tons of emotional cruelty towards chidren (the main human character is an Irish girl being harrased and bullied by her own family because of her nationality and for having a father on the IRA)

- The Dalemark Quartet: · Cart and Cwidder (1975) It kind of reminded me of the first half of The Name of the Wind, probably because the main character is also a red haired kid who travels with his family all around the world performing with his lute (I figured a cwidder is some kind of lute?), and there’s also tragedy, politics, old foreshadowing songs and legends... But mostly because I JUST COULDN’T STOP READING, and I can’t wait to read the rest of the series.

· Drowned Ammet (1977) I thought the two previous books were rather darker than I’m used to see in Diana’s work, but this is a whole new level. It follows the evolution of Mitt from a sweet farm kid to a teen terrorist, so prepare for a main character full of hate, resentment and, eventually, self-loathing and a beginning of redemption. We also get to see his dynamic with two high born children, and it is super interesting how the prejudice and ignorance keep getting in their way so they can’t become 100% friends (as a contrast with those stories of rich and poor being bff’s without a single sign of how very different their POV of the world is, just by their different upbringings). I love friendships and found families as much as anyone else, but it is refreshing to see some realistic struggles and people caring for others even if they don’t get along perfectly

· The Spellcoats (1979) This one was very surprising, and I think it might require a re-read some time. The first odd thing about it is that it’s settled centuries before the previous books, in prehistoric Dalemark. Then the actual wtf comes from the structure itself: it’s a first person story, weaved into two wool coats (seriously, this concept is genius and so is the ending). The weaver is a girl who has to runaway from her village with his brothers and sister because they look like the people who’s invading their land, so their fellow villagers want them dead. There’s not a lot of action, but tons of little details and magic and family dynamics brilliantly written and I LOVE IT.

· The Crown of Dalemark (1993) This last book of the series brings back almost all of the characters of the previous ones, plus a time traveller from modern Dalemark, and concludes both the political/social aspect of the story and the more fantasy, mythical one. I love time travel stories so this really was my treat, because not only serves a plot purpose, it’s also used to let us know what happened with the characters of past Dalemark (although through the lense of historians, which is not as much as I would like to)

- Power of three (1976) At this point it’s clear Diana just loved to play with POVs and make us question every side of a story. I’d say this was the main theme of this book. It is present in the main character arch, who has to reconcile how he sees himself (as some average pointless dude) with how he’s perceived by others (everyone fucking loves him and consider him super wise and awesome). And it’s also the main conflict of the plot: the three races/species who live in The Moor HATE each other and constantly kill each other as animals but.... Well, it remind me to this episode of Star Trek. I love it when a story is used to show us how actually ridiculous some prejudices and bigotries are. I love it when they do it in ST, and certainly love it when Diana does it. Just let kids read and watch these things all of the time, please.