#also ada my dear i love you but what in the world are you doing? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alicerosejensen · 7 months

Text

Another you

Warning: reader mutation (c-virus), angst, blood, slight aggression, acquired albinism, fem/reader (not an agent, an ordinary civilian who worked at the museum), Leon has plot armor, more narration than dialogue, the text contains an antagonist like Simmons (male character), Ada is helping Leon again, relatively happy ending.

Synopsis: You didn’t want to change, you loved him, just as he loved you, but against your will, your love turned into hatred and animal anger towards him. However, Leon still hopes that you will remember him...

A/N: This is probably my biggest work. Tumblr told me to fuck off a few times while editing, but I came out victorious in the fight, although I had to re-write the text into the draft a few times because Tumblr for some damn reason published it without my knowledge. I hope feedback if anyone liked it, because I have been burning with this idea for a long time!

The text also contains an excerpt from Byron's poems (I adore him)

He promised himself first of all that nothing would happen to you. That his work won't affect you in any way and you won't get hit by the corporate bastards, and you really didn't. However, something else happened...

But people whom Leon loves or simply cares about tend to leave or even die.

Everything was fine with you. Ideal in his imperfect life and you were this perfection that he valued and protected. A prudent person would not keep an expensive diamond in front of everyone, so Leon did not scatter information about you and who you are to him. You were loved and dear to him more than all the treasures of the world, he appreciated your tenderness towards him and kindness, because it was you who helped him get out of the hole of despondency in which he buried himself. His personal little guardian angel. Still, he has something to continue his fight against bioterrorism.

A normal working day, except that the museum where you work was supposed to host an exhibition of some very expensive collection for which you were so carefully preparing, forgetting about yourself. It seemed to Leon that you were burning with enthusiasm and love for the work you were doing, which made you walk around too excited, forgetting about food, so he had to remind you to eat. This exhibition had no meaning for Kennedy, but he did not belittle your efforts thrown into this preparation, especially since you were so happy that you were incessantly talking about all these paintings, historical activities depicted on them and objects: a pendant with a strand of hair of some queen - you explained to him that this is a symbol of affection that was previously used It's like you're giving a piece of yourself to your giver, a kind of connection with a loved one, but this is just one of the meanings of such a peculiar gift. Silk fans, a clock, a desk, some items of clothing that, in Leon's opinion, were very strange and he was just glad that fashion had moved far ahead.

Although he could interpret all this in one word: beautifully.

And you were beautiful too. He would have liked to spend more time with you, but you were completely absorbed in your work, and he was overwhelmed with paperwork that he couldn't stand, but anyway, at least he could come back to you and listen to excited speeches and new facts that he didn't know anything about and would hardly remember if he told him about it someone else.

And everything went to hell when there was another outbreak, less global, but most importantly - human lives. And yours.

He was trying to save you, even if someone else had survived this exhibition, he would still have saved you first and not someone else. Mini Raccoon City, that's what he called it, making his way with you to the emergency exit while you kept up with him on your heels, because today you were supposed to shine and glow and not cry with fear looking at the pale corpses of history and art lovers. The light from Leon's flashlight illuminated a small part of the space while you walked quietly thinking about Leon's words, "I wonder how much time we have before they get up?"

"Were they poisoned?" you assumed, because how could you kill such a huge number of people without weapons. Leon, watching the ventilation grilles in the rooms, suggested in his head only one quick way.

"It must be gas,"

But then you would both have died too, you decided, but you did not voice your thought, because shortly before the tragedy you were invited to discuss something by the sponsor of this exhibition. A man who managed to collect so many magnificent things with a rich history. The man who gave you flowers and flirted with you from the day you first met, despite the fact that you made it clear to him that you were not interested in any relationship with him, except for work.

However, Leon also remained silent when he saw the luxurious bouquet of scarlet roses on your work table, which filled your entire small office with their aroma. But right now that simply wasn’t the main thing. He needed to get you out of the mess that happened, and then ask about flowers from rich strangers.

You walked slowly, trying not to make any noise or cry behind him while you clung to his jacket, partially managing to wonder why Leon's gun was with him when he had no reason to carry a gun. All this, of course, was secondary, given how stress, coupled with imagination, turned the exhibits into various frightening figures that frightened, made you scream, thinking that the fallen armor, which was probably simply poorly secured to the stand was another dead man. I didn’t even want to think about what happened in the exhibition hall, much less imagine. Leon had to take you by the hand and at times drag you along with him because the panic really aggravated everything, he was afraid that you would start to go hysterical, but it seems that despite the periodic stupor, you kept yourself well under control, exactly until the moment when Leon’s flashlight went out, leaving you in pitch darkness.

“Leon?” you called out anxiously, feeling noisy ragged breathing behind your back. Was this what Leon was talking about? Until recently, you hoped that his words were just another stupid joke and the dead do not rise, but here behind you is the living embodiment of a nightmare who is ready to grab your neck and feast on warm flesh. Have time to scream? You didn’t even have time to fully scream when a strong grip grabbed you by the shoulder and roughly threw you to the side from the line of danger because you fell, hitting your thigh on the marble tiles, after which a series of deafening shots and the muffled groan of a dead man was heard, three bullets or maybe be more? You didn't count.

As if in slow motion on a large screen, it was impossible to take your eyes off what you saw. All sounds died down, leaving the silence of your own mind and the smell of blood.

All you could do was watch how the beam of light from the flashlight shines directly on the corpse and how Leon’s hands are trying to bring you to your senses, because you knew the one whom he had just completely killed. Richard, your colleague with whom you had coffee this morning and discussed the latest news, sometimes often joked at lunch... was now dead and you were crying without knowing it. Tears just flow uncontrollably from your eyes even as Leon wipes your face with his thumbs, trying to lift you off the floor and make you go outside.

“Come on, sweetheart, I know it’s hard but we have to go"

"I... I can't... why here?" You ask more into the void than from him

“I don’t know, but we need to get out of here.” Leon grabs you under the armpits, helping you get to your feet, dragging you towards the exit.

Better yet, this would all just be a nightmare. The noise from the shots makes you cover your ears with your hands while Leon once shoots people, at the same time trying to protect the slow-moving you. They scream, moan, attack and you feel like you are in a horror film with high-quality special effects and good acting, but you realize, albeit reluctantly, that all this is not a joke but an evil reality where Leon almost at the very exit asks you to pull yourself together and you don’t even you can stand on your feet. Before your eyes, everything collapsed and the world went crazy, trying to grab you with it.

"I can't... can't... I'm so scared..." your hands grab Leon and he hugs you to him, which only makes you want to cry harder and ask him to do the impossible - to return everything to the way it was. He hugs you tightly, kissing you on the top of your head, giving at least some reassurance given the fact that he has always tried to protect the little that he loves from his work, but you accidentally found yourself in the epicenter and your reaction is quite expected.

"Everything will be fine, please look at me," he asks in a soft tone, lifting your head and forcing you to look into his eyes, "It will be difficult, I do not know what is happening outside and what kind of virus it is, but you must not leave me alone. I shoot, and you stand behind me or hide if I tell you to. If you see a dead person, don't you dare approach him!"

"Is it like this everywhere?"

Leon didn't quite understand if you were talking about the whole city or just the upcoming race, in any case, he only nodded briefly, giving you a little more time to catch your breath while you listened to the rapid pounding of the heart in his chest. He was afraid too.

It could have tried better. You really pulled yourself together, but after contacting Hunnigan, Leon exhaled for a second, saying that the virus had not spread so far and in fact the appropriate measures had already been taken, she sent the two of you to the evacuation point where doctors could examine you and give you a vaccine injection in case it really was gas, as Leon said, which logically you were both breathing anyway. So the virus could have entered your body, the scariest thing you reasoned while you were following him, is that you are both alive by a lucky chance, because if Leon had not been attacked by an attack of tenderness, it would probably have been the last day of his life. You no longer even thought about the fact that that sponsor called you somewhere... Emerick. You smiled when you remembered that Leon called him a high-dimensional asshole, but he probably became a victim like everyone else, so there's no need to speak ill of him.

You thought that because you didn't think he was a bad person. You and Emerick had common topics of conversation, he knew a lot and he had a rich collection of rare things bought from auctions for a lot of money, besides, as he himself said, much of what he actually has was inherited in his family, which made you think that he probably was some kind of hereditary noble. His manners were really perfect.

It took about an hour before Leon left you in a quiet place. There were only zombies outside and a few survivors who, no matter how hard Leon tried, still couldn't help. They always died in front of his eyes, even now leaving a sense of guilt in his soul, because he should protect and not kill, but now this is the best thing he can offer them to the infected. Wide windows on the third floor of a God-forsaken warehouse protected from enemies and if you believe Ingrit, then this is the C-Virus that Neo-umbrella created, not so old, but in the terrorist market, in fact, it is already junk.

"At least there are no cocoons and lepoticas, otherwise I would have big problems"

You were sitting on the crates risking tearing your nylon tights while Leon was talking via video link on his work smartphone, waiting for his colleague Ingrit from F.O.S to plot the safest route to the plane that should pick you two up. Leon thought you were safe with him. You just sit quietly next to him trying to catch your breath while he does the main work and he was really calm until you screamed sharply falling off the box, forcing him to turn to you when he saw you holding your neck.

The phone immediately fell to the floor.

"What happened? Are you in pain?!"his eyes widened as he pulled out the dart that was the cause of everything. "Baby, can you hear me?! Everything will be fine, hold on!"

There was no one in the window. By the way, there was no time to search for the culprit. Thoughts were flying crazily in his head, Leon picked you up in his arms, hiding you behind drawers so that you would not get into anyone else's lens, noticing how quickly your breathing becomes shallow.

Was it a new virus or an improved one from before? You curled up crying from what seemed like your organs were turning into a burning cauldron causing hellish pain that made you moan loudly.

"Hunnigan! I need a vaccine, urgently! Where's the damn helicopter?!" Ingrit shot up for a moment. The women's painful moans in the background were ready to make Leon burst into tears and she was almost sure that tears were stuck in the corners of his eyes.

"It will take time to figure out what it is..."

"There's no time!" he shouted into the phone. Ingrit's fingers immediately clicked on the keyboard.

You sobbed. The bones seemed to melt, which made you literally lie on the concrete floor until Leon shifted you onto his lap, feeling your body temperature rise from normal to high.

That's probably why you threw up and blood gushed out of your nose. Your heart was pounding wildly, you didn't hear Leon screaming in panic, hugging your body to him, realizing that if you don't inject the serum soon, then everything will be over. You're dying, but Leon's brain refuses to accept it when he picks you up in his arms trying to save you because with your death, life won't make sense to him.

"You're not going to die!" the words expressed through clenched teeth echo in the spacious building as Leon picks you up in his arms and carries you outside in time. "Everything will be different"

He couldn't let this happen again. It was as if everything was being repeated again from hell to hell, only now in Helena’s place he is himself and he definitely won’t have enough strength to put a bullet in your forehead, and if he does... then he’ll shoot himself too.

Every minute was precious and if it weren’t for the infected, Leon would have instantly reached the right place and injected you with the serum, but luck was not on his side again, just like on the first day of work in Raccoon City. You were heating up so much that he could feel the heat emanating from your body, even through your clothes. Once the virus enters the human body, the incubation period varies for everyone: Deborah Harper lasted two hours before she mutated, for some it takes about a couple of minutes, even God himself does not know how much time is measured for you.

Having reached the helipad, Leon cursed everything in the world since the helicopter was not even visible anywhere. The situation was clearly not going in your favor. You again let out a painful groan, feeling like your body was literally burning and your head hurt so much that you wanted to be hit with a huge hammer. Leon stroked your back, holding you close to him. God, your temperature was already colossally high!

"Just a little more, be patient, honey" Leon doesn't believe it, he wants to, but he can. You scream and cry, trying to tear off your skin with your nails just to make this heat go away. He would like to change places with you, it would be better if he were dying now and not you, and not so monstrously.

The virus flows through the veins, attacks all defense mechanisms, mercilessly rebuilding the entire body in a new way, creating an aggressive weapon out of a person capable of mass murder without any remorse. Leon's affection does not destroy you, right now it is the only way to save yourself, but even if by some miracle an active medicine fell on your head, what is the chance that it saved you? The probability of healing, even with side effects, tends to be no more than 5-7%.

"D-don't want to d-die"

A pitiful groan, through the agony of pain you see Leon’s crying eyes, the skin peels off unnaturally under the influence of high temperature, but this is not visible under the clothes, but face...

"No no no no!"

Leon fell to the ground from your sharp push, but immediately jumped to his feet, running up to you after a wild, painful cry. Just one second and the body was suddenly engulfed in a flash of fire, turning the flesh into a hardened cocoon. You are gone.

It was all over.

Leon sees double. It shouldn't be like this, it shouldn't be like this! The gun is lying somewhere a couple of meters away, having fallen out of the holster when you pushed it away from you, and if this was a standard work situation, Leon would have tried to quickly run up to it or pick up the Sentinel Nine, but his hand did not rise. His knees hit the concrete floor painfully, along with the realization that he had lost again. The hard cocoon transforms the caterpillar inside itself into a beautiful butterfly, which is destined to fly, but Leon knows that everything human in you has burned out and only a monster will hatch from this cocoon, at best only vaguely reminiscent of you, so maybe it’s better to just tear it apart and then let him go on his own a bullet for himself?

The rain continues to pour, gradually calming down. The guys from B.S.A.A are already somewhere down there clearing the city of the infected and saving the survivors because there is a vaccine, there are ways to destroy the trash that Neo-Umbrella created. The sounds of gunshots mix with a frenzied rumble in his heart, which is why Leon doesn't want to hear anything anymore, preferring instead to stretch out his hands to your still warm cocoon, where some movement is already visible. Watching this, Leon was ready to miss even the deafening sound of the helicopter, but the light made him close his eyes and lift his head up.

Even without looking closely, he immediately realized that it was not the helicopter that Hunnigan had sent.

For the sake of love, people really do the most cruel things.

Leon immediately realized who was behind all this when the helicopter landed and several armed men jumped out of it, their faces hidden by masks. He slowly got to his feet, looking at the culprit of his suffering, dressed in a snow-white suit, with an impudent grin that Kennedy remembered from the beginning of the evening, when everything was still fine. Leon could have sworn that he had never felt such rage before, although a painful scream stuck in his throat.

No one pointed a gun at him. Everyone just froze, waiting for something.

"It's a small world, Mr. Kennedy," he said, waving to one of his assistants, and he and two mercenaries pulled a cryogenic capsule out of the plane. "But it was stupid to think that a man like you would die from a bunch of mindless zombies. I must admit, I didn't want to go to extreme measures until the last moment, I liked today's event, but because of you, I had to cancel everything. I've lost most of my collection"

"So it was you after all…" Leon muttered through his teeth, not yet grabbing the gun, realizing the risks. He is alone in the open space - a wonderful target. "I didn't see your corpse in the museum."

"A distraction," he explained, watching the capsule's preparation from the corner of his eye.

Emerick… Leon suddenly remembered how you recently confessed to him that he began to take care of you by giving you flowers, then inviting you for a cup of coffee, listening to music or general topics of which there were too many. But in the end, when the attentions began to exceed the standard amount, hinting at something more, you refused him, saying that you already have someone. You didn't notice, but Leon has been catching his obsessive glances at you all evening… How sometimes you looked at the exhibits behind the glass case, which you can not touch, despite the ban.

But you didn't even choose between the two of them. Leon always came first.

"For what?"

Emerick smiled as he looked at the cocoon and Leon's question disappeared by itself. Because of jealousy? Because a rich bastard couldn't get what he wanted, even with a giant bank account?

"You won't believe it, Mr. Kennedy, but for love. Death took away a dear person from me and I want to return what belonged to me, however, you will not understand this"

Leon grinned, clenching his fists.

"Why? Why her? If you wanted to take revenge on me, then you would have taken revenge on me and not on her!"

"Who said it was you?" asked Emerick, looking at his interlocutor as if he were an idiot. "For the most part, you just annoyed me like an annoying fly, but no more, although you encroached on something that does not belong to you."

Leon was about to answer and pounce despite the machine guns pointed at him, but the movement below and the sound of the cocoon tearing attracted all attention. He has seen it many times and your hand was reaching out to break free from the tight shackles of the past flesh, forcing its way out. Everyone is closely watching the birth of a new life, but only in the eyes of one of those present there was delight, not fear and regret. Leon couldn't bear it… He didn't understand what was wrong. The transformation was different.

"Happy birthday, Ada,"

A memory flashed through his mind.

History repeats itself. Only it turns out that besides Simmons, there is another bastard who looks like him in everything.

Leon reached out to you, as if trying to grab you, to help you get out and take you away from here. A brief moment of hope still lit up in my soul like a small smoldering flame, my mind seemed to be clouded, and yet deep inside there was a glimmer of awareness. He couldn't get rid of the feeling that something was wrong while you were trying to get out, muffling all his annoying voices of caution. Wrong smell, wrong body color… Leon squints his eyes, the cocoon breaks and before he can grab your hand, he freezes.

The slimy, sticky naked body lying in front of him looked more like a white marble statue with a thin network of blue veins protruding under the skin. The mercenaries looked at each other, clutching their guns tighter but still not pointing them at you. The sight is really amazing. Leon comes up to you lying down, at first glance it seems lifeless, but looking closely, your chest quietly heaves and he kneels down again, pulling you to his shoulders, peering into familiar but still changed facial features.

There are no appendages behind the back, from which ugly claws protrude, no razor-sharp claws, no fangs. But instead, unnaturally pale skin and hair… the structure is thicker, and the color merges with the color of the body. The same discolored ones, but stuck together due to the transformation in the cocoon. You open your eyes a little, and instead of the usual iris, two red lights rush at him without a shadow of anger and aggression, just fatigue, something that Leon used to see when you stayed up late at work.

"And, when the grave restores her dead,

When life again to dust is given,

On thy dear breast I'll lay my head—

Without thee! where would be my Heaven?"

Ignoring the familiar lines of poetry, Leon remains silent when he gives him an order in a harsh voice.

"You won't understand," Leon has no doubt. He doesn't want to understand these motives. "You're not even worthy of the dirt under her nails, let alone touching her!"

Leon picks you up in his arms, turning to face Emerick, meeting with loaded guns.

"Did you infect her with the C-virus so that she would become your toy?"

"A toy?!" he snapped back.

Now it already looks like a confrontation between two men for the heart of one woman, almost a joust in modern realities in all its dirty manifestations and meannesses, but Leon does not feel the advantage. A fairy tale with a bad ending. One madman decided to use a virus to change the girl's memory and her appearance, making you the one who died a long time ago, and he…a brave man with a valiant heart who somehow thinks that even after death, Simmons is also connected with this. Even indirectly. Sold the idea of resurrecting someone else's personality in another person?

The rain is hitting your body in drops, and Leon wants to cover you, hide you, hoping that this is his second attempt. It seems that consciousness is returning to you, but you are still disoriented, not understanding who you are and what is happening. You became a part of the darkness that Leon carried on his shoulders.

"All for love," one wave of his hand, and the one standing behind him makes Leon bend painfully, crying out in pain, almost dropping you, his fingers dig into your skin, causing a barely audible moan from your mouth, but you are still snatched from his hands, carried into that capsule, after that, Emerick turns away from his opponent, putting something like an oxygen mask on you, stroking your cheek gently with his fingers.

"What the hell kind of love?!" Leon knows for sure that the other person is smiling even if he does not see it himself.

"You may not believe it, but I'm one-woman man, Mr. Kennedy. It took me a fortune to improve the C-virus so that it would affect her body without turning her into a vile insect-like creature. There was only one side effect after the final result - loss of pigmentation, but this is not significant, in all other respects it completely met my expectations. All THIS is for her sake."

"You sick... "

"No, I'm a heartbroken husband who lost his wife prematurely but now we will be reunited." Emerick looked at you lovingly before closing the capsule, which they began to load back into the helicopter. “And you, Mr. Kennedy, are just one of millions. You saw a work of art and decided to grped it when you had no right to do so. Someone like you will never understand her value, you were never able to give her everything she deserved!”

It’s hard to disagree when the muzzle of a machine gun is pressed to the back of his head, but Leon still fights as he watches the cryogenic capsule ahead being shoved back into the helicopter.

Adrenaline is pumping into his head and his palm is itching to get the second gun out of the holster, but Leon realizes one wrong move and this will be the finale in his story. You will drown in a pool of false memories, considering yourself the person you have never seen or known, you will begin to be called by another name, carrying antibodies to the improved C virus in your new body and you will give yourself into the arms of a man distraught from his loss, considering yourself his true love.

Leon walks on the edge, but now the feeling that a thin rope can throw him into the abyss, from where there is no return, feels more acute. If only Hunnigan's helicopter had arrived, but intuition suggested that the delay was caused not just by technical circumstances.

"Do you think you injected her with a virus and she will start to adore you? You gave her the power to smear you like a bug on the wall as soon as she wakes up." He does not know the properties of this virus and what abilities it can give, but experience suggests that minor adjustments in appearance and lack of pigment like albinos are not the whole potential obtained.

"You've dealt with many terrorists, but I'm not one of them, Mr. Kennedy," still pretending to politely hide his hatred for some American sharing a bed with his woman, whom he considered his own, Emerick retorts: "I don't want to turn people into monsters, although I don't want the world to be on fire, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices. This virus was tested on many before my trusted person injected it to her, and before using it, I tested it on many."

Leon clenches his teeth, glaring at Emerick, letting him finish. Truly, big money creates lawlessness.

"As I said, everything is for love"

But there is no love here. Just an obsession.

Emerick no longer intends to continue the conversation, sits back down in his seat in the helicopter next to the cryocapsule, again signaling his people to get rid of the last witness, besides, he no longer intends to dirty his hands, especially about someone like Kennedy. Although he may still have the desire to end Leon on his own, but looking back at the capsule, his lips are touched with a mocking smile. The project must be completed, and the finishing touches are always needed so that the creator can enjoy his creation.

"But so be it, I'll leave her memories of you. The most bitter and unhappy, she will remember you and be glad that I saved her from you. See, I can be generous even to those who don't deserve it."

"I will refuse your generosity."

The situation was turning into complete shit. Emerick probably hoped to clean up all traces of himself, which is why he left the mercenaries to clean up after him, while he himself rose into the air with a last contemptuous glance at Leon.

"I'll find you, you son of a bitch."

He'll find him and kill and then bring you back.

Fortunately, sometimes Leon has a guardian angel with a smoke bomb behind his back, covering him with shots from a crossbow bolt while Leon quickly pulls out his spare pistol, getting rid of the last two mercenaries. A familiar style and a familiar fragrance when the haze clears allowing you to see the savior in the flesh in his unchanging red outfit and Leon would even smile at her if the plane with you did not move away from him every second. Ada is the red queen of today who postponed the execution of her former lover, smiling at him gently and a little cunningly wondering how fate brings them together and separates their paths from time to time. Leon does not thank out loud, but words of gratitude to this woman who clearly spent her personal time on him still freeze in the air.

She looks at the remains of the cocoon, clutching the crossbow tighter, roughly imagining what could have happened, seeing Kennedy's wet eyelashes, although the rain could have been to blame for everything, which fortunately had already calmed down, as well as the noise outside, although occasionally groans and shots were heard in the distance. Today, her calculated accuracy saved him again.

"Long time no see, Leon" The velvety voice sounds soothing, but a little tired. In any case, Leon definitely owed her more than double the fare for his rescue.

A princess must have a knight in love to protect her from evil. In fairy tales, a kiss of love usually solves all problems, but what if the princess herself does not remember losing herself in the memories of her own and others? A suppressed personality cries out from the depths, not wanting to be forgotten, fighting with the one who took the pedestal and two names… two girls cannot merge into one, causing you only panic attacks and uncontrolled aggression, forcing the creator to believe that he is not so skilled even if he was filled with desire and endowed with money.

A charming man who calls himself your husband bends over her, holding out his hand decorated with antique rings to you, and you look at her with a puzzled look, pressing your back against the wall, trying to create distance between you. Because no matter how hard they tried to suppress your personality, but the feeling of uncontrollable fear, fused together with a new body, did not leave you, so you did not believe. Neither to him, nor to himself, nor to anyone else, and the dagger in the white palm hidden behind your back does not seem so heavy. The reaction is faster, the senses are heightened, and although the virus does not give the princess strength, you still resist, wounding your "husband", allowing scarlet drops of blood to bloom like roses on a white dress that has merged with the color of your skin.

Contrary to that, you have not become perfect, but you are still a passionate obsession for two men: one with pure thoughts and the other with a mad desire that has been tormenting him for a long time. It's hard to escape from the mansion, but thanks to heightened senses, it no longer seems impossible. However, it is even harder to ignore your true self, which screams and tears your head apart, as well as to separate two personalities from yourself.

You're confused. Not in luxurious rooms and corridors, but in yourself.

Something screams from the inside telling you to run away from here, and then it calms you that this place is your home, you know every corner here, every crack on the vase, these outfits in a separate dressing room tailored specifically for you, everything is familiar and at the same time alien. Your husband said that he saved you from a bastard named Leon, and after saying this name, the image of a blond man with beautiful blue eyes immediately stands in your eyes, but your heart overflows with rage, forcing you to tighten your grip on the dagger hilt.

You still have at least one sincere emotion, as you thought, however...

Leon is intently examining the analysis result from the remains of the cocoon that was sent to him. It really was what he was thinking, but Ada had already revealed a little secret to him.

"Maybe years will pass, and her real personality will somehow begin to manifest itself. I still don't know how Simmons fixed Carla's memory."

Leon puts the phone back in his pocket, looking at Ada with a slightly offended look, although she knows that he holds a grudge only against himself.

"But she's an exact copy of you," Leon reminded her, saying that when you pulled out of the cocoon, your face remained almost the same, yes, the features changed a little, but it was still you.

"But it will explain your new friend's obsession with your girlfriend," she chuckled, teasing him kindly, "If she looks so much like his dead wifey, then why would he change her appearance when they are almost identical to each other."

"And if it was an extreme measure, as he said... " Leon continues, scolding himself even more.

"You provoked him to infect her yourself. If he was hitting on her and she turned him down because of you, then it makes sense. Maybe if your girlfriend had been more mercantile and greedy for money, everything would have been without the virus."

However, was it Leon's fault or yours? Ada didn't blame anyone.

Leon may never guess at the ulterior motives, which may not have existed at all, but who else but she helped him again, however, leaving all the dirty work to Leon himself. After all, you were his concern, not hers. Although she followed you and your strange behavior a little, she finally sent him the coordinates of the place and your photo.

"I wish I could say that she remembered everything, but it seems that the virus did not affect her the way it was originally intended. Be careful, your beloved is a little aggressive."

Is it a consequence of the virus, or do you still remember who you are? Leon wants to believe in the latter when he collects equipment for the road, no longer hoping for anyone's help. But your new house looks more like one big clever trap and all the working staff have disappeared somewhere. In Leon's opinion, there should be more than one butler here, but there were no corpses either. Holding a gun at the ready, it was essentially a trespass on private property, but in the report he would later indicate that he was getting evidence. It won't be easy to find you, although you might make a little noise to attract his attention.

And you? You are sitting in a silent garden in the sweet scent of roses, standing out against the background of bright colors as a white spot, listening to the noise of the fountain, which still somehow calms you down after the last scuffle with your spouse. Alone, barefoot, you walk along a stone path, fingering strands of hair between your fingers, trying to compare in your head incomprehensible pictures from the past of two different people. You cannot love that person, for some reason you are afraid and angry at him despite his care. He took the knife away from you, letting you wander around the house like a ghost humming an annoying melody from his own past to himself, letting Emerick hope that manipulation and time will do their job. You hate Kennedy and that's been enough.

The support group is ready, but Leon still prefers to pick you up and then let the guys from the alliance work, having their own personal accounts in this matter. This could be the easiest capture of a terrorist in all his professional experience, but when his presence becomes known, the situation becomes complicated in the form of additional traps equipped with deadly devices and gas for which the anti-C vaccine is useless. In the end, Leon remains even without light and the flashlight does not save well. He looks into every room in an attempt to find at least some hint of your stay here after almost six months of absence.

And he finds in one of the inhabited rooms where only one bed occupies a quarter of the space. There is a beautiful comb with precious stones with traces of white hair on the dressing table, and Leon, picking up the jewelry, is sure that you are here somewhere, just like he is wandering among the dark corridors, although he really regrets that he did not find you in this room. However, another thought comes to his head when a thin lace pale pink negligee lying on the back of the sofa catches his eye… you only walked around in such things with him alone, and clutching the fabric in his hands, Leon can't help but think that Emerick slept with you in this bed.

The funny thing is that he's ready to forgive you everything now. He won't even remember that another man touched you afterwards because you're a victim and Leon, even if you don't remember him, wants you to at least return to a relatively normal life.

But the silence is suddenly cut short when a creak is heard behind, barely perceptible to the ear. A secret door? He does not turn around, freezing in one position, continuing to hold your negligee in his hands, feeling someone's sharp gaze on his back, but out of the corner of his eye catches a familiar silhouette, in the darkness of which two red eyes are burning.

You.

Leon tenses up. The sound of the blade breaks the silence, and your light tread turns into a sharp jerk as you rush at him with a sharp hairpin, hoping to plunge it deeper into his back. Your reaction may have improved, but Leon's reflexes are still faster, Kennedy dodges to the side, which causes you to fall directly onto your dressing table, knocking it over with you, forcing him to open his eyes in amazement.

"No, no, no, you couldn't turn into a monster," a thought runs through Leon's head.

The mirror breaks into many pieces and dig into your skin, causing the blood to contrast brightly on the light skin, which seems almost an unnatural sight. But through the pain, you hiss again trying to pounce on him, which causes Leon to fall on his back, rather out of surprise, managing to intercept your hand that aimed the clip directly at his eye. Pushing you away is not too big a problem, but the point is that you will still continue to throw at him and he does not want to use weapons at all.

"Bastard!" you growl, "Don't you like being hit back?"

"Stop, it's me!" he shouted, still holding your wrist so that you couldn't hurt him.

It was as if you hadn't heard. Leon pushed you away a little, hoping that being farther away would allow you to get to know him better, but what he didn't expect was for you to lash out at him over and over again, and honestly, if it were up to him, he would have removed the threat quickly, but it's hard to hurt someone you love. He'd had to kill Marvin and the President in the past, that in itself still weighs on his soul, but if he had to kill you… Deborah was easier. She was Helena's sister, not his, so his hand didn't shake when he pulled the trigger of the shotgun, but you're different. You're impossible to shoot at.

"Stop it!" he begs twisting your wrist so that you scream in pain and that scream tears his soul causing a lump in his throat. "It's not you! I beg yoy don't make me hurt you."

He doesn't even want to think about the estate being so deserted because of you. Leon still thinks it's just a virus, and somewhere inside you remember his, you just need to trigger it somehow. Ada said the virus affects you differently than it does Carla, but she didn't mention that you're aggressive to anyone who tries to touch you. Leon keeps his guard up, but despite your tight grip, you've apparently acquired some sort of ability that allowed you to break free and run down the hallway. He's not sure if you can throw people against the wall like baseballs, but your regeneration is enviable, because the only reminder of the wounds from the broken mirror on your body are drops of blood.

No abrasions.

So, after a little scuffle, as a result of which the antique dressing table is smashed to pieces along with all the bottles standing on it, Leon gets to his feet trying to figure out what the hell just happened. However, your trail has already disappeared. The house is huge, but despite this, Leon still puts the safety on the gun, afraid to instinctively shoot you if you attack him again. In hand-to-hand combat, you have little chance, but his reflexes can work faster than his brain. But abrasions and wounds a couple of centimeters deep, your body is able to regenerate itself. So cold steel will be the best thing, in case he meets other inhabitants of the estate besides you.

As already mentioned, the flashlight did not save the situation too much, of course, fanatics worked in some places, especially in the garden, but Leon did not find anything except small supplies, although his gut instinct encouraged him to pick up a gun to feel confident. But in the backyard, after several hours of searching among the marble statues and the damp fresh air that hit in the face, somewhere among the bushes in which some cautious movement is heard. It's like a wild cat sneaking up to its prey and Leon realizes - you're here!

Behind him again, so Leon straightens up. If it were daytime or even evening, he would have no problem finding you, but there is a starry night overhead. Rage is growing somewhere between your ribs, inside, but everything is different for him, because despite the internal contradiction, Leon is to some extent convinced that it is useless to fight with you.

There is nothing in his chest but regret and delayed words that he rarely said.

And yet at some point you look at each other continuously. You notice that he has only one knife in his hands, just like you, although Leon hides it back in the case, taking two small steps back trying to talk again. White hair is blown away by the wind and it annoys you that there is no elastic band or barrette to put it in a bun or tail. There doesn't seem to be anything in this damn house for your comfort!

The most painful thing is the way you look at him, but Leon still grins hiding his pain behind an inappropriate joke, standing in a fighting stance preparing to deflect blows.

"Well, I'm not against role-playing games, I really liked it when you were my bunny last time."

It's confusing or rather discouraging that it stops you for a few seconds and Leon uses this time to take the knife away from you, but you dodge so deftly and still more scared, almost dropping the knife to the ground.

"Come on, drop it, sweetheart" Leon asks, taking a step towards you, then you, on the contrary, retreat trying to find your advantage. "You know I'm not the one who's going to hurt you. I'll take you home."

"fucking dog," you growl in response, seeing how he swallows the insult, "Do you think I'll go with the one who made me like this?!"

Your voice is almost hoarse with hate. At the same time, Leon's face takes on a painful appearance, as if he was hit from the inside in the most painful place. That's what that son of a bitch told you! Okay, you can scold him with the most vile words, most of which he'll really be surprised that you even know, but... No buts!

"See?! I'm not afraid of you anymore! "

"You've never been afraid of me."

"You loved me, and I still love you," he wants to say, but the words are stuck in his throat. And after all, somewhere in the whirlpool of memories, these frames sometimes pop up in your head. Not the Stotholm syndrome...

You weren't afraid of him, but of the other one... the man who is your husband calls you by a different name, although Leon calls you by a completely different one, and what you hear from the agent seems much more familiar, more correct and more familiar.

"Baby, I don't want to hurt you! If I wanted to, I would have shot long ago, right? "

"I'm not your baby!" you're snarling, and your red eyes are burning even brighter in the dark.

Bad word.

Leon wants to bite his tongue. He still doesn't know about all the properties of your mutation, but he hopes that now you won't have claws behind your back, God bless him who left him many years ago, but it seems you don't have anything like that. Although when you attack him in a fit of anger, Leon really hurts like hell, which makes him even clench his teeth trying to hold back a moan of pain.

Probably, with strong malice, the power also somehow increases... A lot of times, because it looks like you broke his rib.

"Yeah, you never liked that word, but at least you didn't rush at me with a knife before," Leon still jokes, realizing that talking clearly won't help here. He doesn't want to use force, but it seems that there is no choice. He agrees that you may never love him more, but he won't leave you here either.

It is not even necessary to move to radical measures. Your head is bursting with pain again, causing tears to flow from your eyes and everything inside screams with fear, making you want to cower into a ball. Therefore, Leon does not expect you to bend at the knees and cry and start running away from him, just as you ran, according to Ada, all over the estate from Emerick. The wind licks wet tracks from your cheeks, scratching your skin when you run along the garden path, running out into a small open space before freezing in a frenzy, pressing your palms to your chest, as they did in a previous life, before mutation, when you were worried.

Cocoons.

A nightmare come true. Your heart was pounding and forehead was covered with sticky sweat, as were your palms from which the knife slipped.

"It's scary..." an inner voice echoes. You hear Leon running up to you and stopping too, looking at something he hoped to forget someday. Tears involuntarily flow down your cheeks, as if the real you are making your way, pushing someone else's personality into the background. Fire, pain, fear, a dart... This hellish pain that turns people into monsters, you haven't seen the staff, the estates, but now you understand what happened. Just like a divine epiphany.

Maybe it's just one of the reactions. Leon remembered from his own experience that not all individuals hatched from cocoons, but this was a huge rarity, and here as many as twenty if not more, however, this was the trigger. You remembered something.

The wet paths glowed in the light of the moon on your cheeks. If the situation had been different, Leon would have immediately tried to console you, but it seems that this could have become another stupid idea, on the other hand, your stupor could have been turned into a plus and they could have simply picked you up, put you in a helicopter and then calmly dealt with this crap. A tempting thought, of course, but... Something like a phantom pain... a feeling as if the whole body was burning again and being reshaped under high temperatures. Even the same hellish headache that sends a painful pulsation into the eyes. You were again struck by a short flash of memories, how someone’s strong hands held and stroked you while your body was changing and it definitely wasn’t your husband... his hands are icy, and his voice is dry, devoid of emotion... Maybe..

"Аt least it's clear where everyone has gone," a voice sounded from behind. It was getting harder to breathe and the world was spinning wildly in front of your eyes, so an inner voice told you to find where to land or your head was at risk of injury. This is not the first attack, but the most severe in the last few months. Anyway, your vague consciousness leaves you for a while, turning off, allowing you to get lost in fragmentary memories, but Leon's hands manage to catch you in time, carefully laying you on the grass.

Leon checked your pulse, the main thing is that your heart was beating and your chest was heaving smoothly. Apparently, it was an ordinary fainting fit against the background of a spectacle that caused you psychological trauma. He picked up your knife with which you tried to stab him a couple of minutes ago, was ready to take you away from this place as he had hoped earlier. Those guys who were still alive from his group proved that Emerick was not in the estate, but Leon did not believe.

And it's good that I didn't believe it. Leon didn't believe in miracles at all.

Well, right now he was definitely aiming to just pick you up before you regained consciousness, because trying to explain where the truth is and where the lie is clearly not the best idea. Calling a helicopter for evacuation and picking you up in his arms, hugging you closer to him, Leon quickly jumped up but heard a painfully familiar click to his right, which froze him in place.

“In the past, hands were cut off for theft, but I’ll assume that a colossal imbecile like you doesn’t know that.”

Leon grunts as he turns around. A tactical vest will protect his back and chest, but his head remains open for a shot.

"Then you should have been walking without hands for a long time," Leon retorts, putting you on a bench while delaying your rescue. "Looks like you didn't run away after all."

"I don't like unwanted guests, because of you, my wife and I will have to move to another place. It's a pity, she liked this garden."

"She's. Not. Your. Wife." Leon almost hisses, reaching for his gun, but jumps aside after a burst of three shots that were meant for him. "Bastard"

"I was informed that they did not get rid of you and I assumed that you would look for me at least out of a sense of duty to the country you work for, but please note that there are bigger fish in the sea. You seem to have a weakness for women with Asian features, so maybe you'll focus on your own preferences and not mess with my wife, whom, as I told you earlier, you just don't deserve. You have no idea what a valuable diamond she is, a nugget! One in a million!

Oh, this conceit! His measured and calm tone is annoying, Leon tries to suppress his anger at the fact that the bastard dug up information on him somewhere, but his attachment to Ada is in the past, although they still care about each other in some sense, but now there is you. And you are you, not the woman that Emerick considers his wife. Leon hides behind one of the cocoons and the bullets hit the non-dense flesh, after which a kind of ugly embryo that was once an ordinary person falls to the ground, forcing him to quickly take a better position behind the statue of the goddess Aphrodite.

"You've been living a lie for so long that you've come to believe it yourself!"

"Oh, sure, you know better!" sarcastic laughter makes anger boil from the inside, but Leon looks out of hiding just to look at you and make sure you're still where he left you. "We past even though we always knew that we were made for each other, and only by chance and then you got in my way! "

"I would have felt sorry for you if in your grief you hadn't tried to make an innocent girl into a copy of your dead wife and killed a lot of people in the process."

Leon pulled the safety off the gun. Now the main thing is not to catch a stray bullet and hope that this bastard does not turn into a giant mutated creature, because apart from four spare clips and another pistol, he has nothing and the space is not spacious enough to maneuver, besides, you could also get hurt. He has already forgotten that you can regenerate wounds, but nevertheless, there is no time to find out what is your Achilles heel yet.

"All for the sake of love"

"This is not love"

Leon pulled the trigger but Emerick dodged. There was a smell of gunpowder and something sickeningly acrid in the air, as if something had died somewhere and even the scent of flowers could not completely drown out this smell. You opened your eyes, but your head still continued to spin and the sharp noise of the vystreds only mocked your brain, forcing you to involuntarily pull up your arms and clap your ears with your palms, just like... Like when you were protected from zombies in a museum"

It wanted to hide, curled in a dark corner and not get out until everything resolves itself, although life knows how to throw surprises. You hear someone else's conversation, you hear how the one who came for you says that your husband is a sick cretin who considers it normal to infect people to make a copy of a dead person out of them, whereas he explains his reasons only with grief. The puzzle is not fully assembled and there are still many white spots in your memory, but some fragments have connected to each other despite the fact that you still do not understand who you are.

This shootout will continue for some time, and unnoticed by these two, you will slowly slide off the bench and see Leon and Emerick engage in hand-to-hand combat after they ran out of bullets. It is noteworthy that after losing your knife in battle, which is now proudly stuck in a tree post, he used his own, which he did not plan to part with, but since they are busy with each other, you calmly grabbed the handle and pulled out the blade, looking at your own reflection of scarlet eyes in steel.

You don't love any of them and you don't want to choose someone's side at all, but you also don't want to be tied to someone who actually infected you, having put so much effort into driving you crazy. You need to make a choice, and whether it will be right, only time will decide. Two people are fighting for one woman, although it looks like you are not a princess in trouble at all, and as Ada said, despite the effect of the virus, the real personality will still take everything back under his control, but the old life will never be. All dreams burned down along with that body, so you're also quite sincerely stabbing the family knife into Emerick's back.

The princess does not need a knight to kill the dragon, because she herself is able to stab him when he does not expect it. This is the simplest from the point of view of Leon's combat missions, but at the same time the most difficult. A scarlet stain spreads on the snow-white suit, but that's all. Emerick had not infected himself with anything, although his fate could not be called terrible. It was all for love, and he died at the hands of that love. A stupid death, which is even insulting, but not for you. And walking with you to the helicopter in the living room above the fireplace, Leon really understands why such an obsession arose...

You really look like the smiling girl in the portrait like two drops of water.

He was told that rehabilitation would take a long time, possibly years. You never spoke to him, you didn't even say a word, but you didn't attack him either. You just withdrew into yourself, allowing the doctors to conduct tests and identify whether you are ready to mutate into other stages when you receive any damage, but I was glad that you did not. In their opinion, all your physical data remained at the same level before infection, although perhaps you just deceived everyone well just so that they would leave you behind and not make you an experimental rat, allowing them to drain blood from you, but this allowed Rebecca's team to make a new improved vaccine. A dubious achievement for Leon, given the fact that you persistently ignore him.

He brings clothes, books, even begged for a TV for you to let you kill time and still nothing. You didn't even turn it on until the moment when, with fighting and shouting and after a bunch of official papers, Leon was finally allowed to take you home. They said that you don't have any regeneration and your injuries heal like on any other person, you don't rush at people in attempts to devour them, sometimes you still talk for more than five minutes a day (but not with Leon) and you don't have any unusual abilities. Nothing that would be of interest to the bigwigs of the government. You'd think that you'd literally become a black sheep, people would just start mistaking you for an albino, which is basically true now.

It's good when you can control some of your body's processes. This eliminates a lot of problems. At home, you curiously look at all these little things from your past life, thinking about what it was like to share this apartment with Leon, you look at the bed in which you must have slept with him, and it seems incredibly comfortable, although right now sleeping with Leon causes rejection. He does not climb into your personal space, no longer clings like a puppy, although he whines in the corner from the lost affection of a loved one. He gave you the bed, but he sleeps on the couch, brings breakfast and after a couple of months you get in touch.

It took Jill Valentine several years before she returned to the barn. Chris is so comforting, telling him that everything is still fine, but if necessary, he will let you go. One way or another, of course, he will check if everything is okay with you, but he will let you go if you still do not accept him back into your heart. Leon believes that therapy will help and you will remember your real self by separating the grain from the chaff. You don't have to love him again, although he will be happy if you ask him to stay by your side on a stormy night, hugging you after a nightmare. Then he will wrap you warmly in a blanket and press your face to his chest, gently stroking your back and comforting you with words.

Therapy will help and one day everything will be fine again. Kissing the top of your head, Leon wants to believe it as much as you do. At least you're willing to try.

#leon kennedy #leon scott kennedy #leon s kennedy #resident evil #leon kennedy x reader #leon x reader #leon s kennedy x reader #resident evil x reader #leon kennedy x you #reader #leon resident evil #resident evil leon #leon kennedy fanfiction #leon kennedy resident evil #leon s kennedy x fem!reader #leon scott kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x you #leon x you #resident evil 6

172 notes · View notes

mncxbe · 11 months

Note

Hey, first time request! Recently I watched an anime called My Happy Marriage and I was wondering if I could request Dazai, Chuuya, Kunikida, Fukuzawa, Ranpo, Akutagawa and Fyodor with the reader who has a personality and history similar to Miyo Saimori? How would the BSD characters help the reader?

Here is the information about the character and anime: https://my-happy-marriage.fandom.com/wiki/Miyo_Saimori#cite_note-novel-v1-1-1

P.S: I recommend you watch the anime before making my request so that you will understand the characters and the plot.

Thank you!

hii dear♡ unfortunately I had no time to watch the anime cuz my schedule has been packed these days. but I read Miyo's backstory in the manga and on wikifandom so I'm quite sure I got the main idea ^^

so reader is gonna have her backstory, personality and ability but she's just in a relationship with the bsd guys, not an arranged marriage. I really hope you like it♡♡

°☆○

12:20♡

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊, 𝑪𝒉𝒖𝒚𝒂, 𝑲𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒂, 𝑨𝒌𝒖, 𝑹𝒂𝒏𝒑𝒐, 𝑭𝒖𝒌𝒖𝒛𝒂𝒘𝒂, 𝑭𝒚𝒐𝒅𝒐𝒓 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: fluff♡

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊

Dazai is a very perceptive individual. he could tell from the second the two of you met that there was something different about you. still, he doesn't bring it up until you got closer

when you decided to tell him everything about your past; how you've never been loved by your family, how you've always tried to prove yourself to them but it was all for nothing. how you've always felt like you weren't good enough; he's surprisingly understanding

as someone who has never felt love he gets you. of course he doesn't dare compare his past to yours

Dazai is such a supportive partner. it's the little things for him like telling you you're appreciated and loved and surprising you with gifts (when he actually has money lmao)

he doesn't strike me as the type of partner who pushes all the "but how can you think so lowly of yourself? you're amazing" on you. he knows fully well that healing is a long process but he's ready to support you all the way

when you're having especially tough time, and not only with your family but also in general, he's always there for you.

best cuddle sessions when you're sad

tries his best to show you the love you never had and get you out of your shell (ofc he does, he's an extrovert)

as for your ability I don't feel like it would matter too much for him. of course, he finds it impressive but in the end, he love you for who you are, not for your ability.

you both end up healing each other; you show him kindness and he makes you see your worth. so overall it's a healthy relationship♡

𝑪𝒉𝒖𝒚𝒂

he gets so mad when you tell him about your past. he's angry because he really cannot understand how your family could ever treat you like this

he's honestly surprised that you're so kind and gentle, considering what you've been through

calls your sister a bitch for sure. but after you tell him to stop he doesn't do it anymore

showers you with love in all shapes and forms. you wanna have a nice chat over a glass of wine? sure. he saw you looking at a kimono while the two of you were out on a date? he gets it for you.

very supportive overall although he may not be able to express his feelings sometimes.

let's just pray he never meets your family💀

reassures you a lot and really tries to show you that you're appreciated. you always feel loved when you're with him

𝑲𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒂

this neon green flag of a man will listen to you talk about your past and keep a straight face. but deep inside he feels like crying

he's a man of strong morals so naturally he's mad at the injustice of your family

very reassuring and patient, he gives the best words of affirmation and always makes sure you feel appreciated

as for your ability he does think it's powerful. and if you work for the ADA he's sure to keep you as safe as possible

feels a deep need to shelter you from every bad thing in the world because honestly, you've been through enough

God forbid you ever have a fight. he'll cry himself to sleep

tries his best to always remind you that you're loved and that your past doesn't define you and that you don't need to prove yourself to him in any way

overall GREEN FLAG

𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂

oh boy

when you tell him about your past and the things your family did he just sits there like: 😐

Akutagawa knows very well the pain of never feeling good enough and always needing to please others

you bond a lot over your traumatic childhoods althought it takes him a while to open up

he's not too god (he's downright terrible) at talking and reassuring you with words of affirmation. so he'll show you that you're cared for through little kind gestures like brewing you tea in the morning, bringing you snacks after his missions and spending time with you

at first he thinks your ability is weak cuz it's not useful in combat. but when he actually realises what you can do he holds such respect for you like hands down. somehow he also feels a but thretened by your power?? in a way?? but he gets over it

little by little you both fully open up to each other. your gentle personality really soothes his soul

so just like with Dazai, you help each other heal and have an overall healthy relationship♡

𝑹𝒂𝒏𝒑𝒐

speaking of perceptive...

he probably deduced your trooma✨️ after a simple chat. but then again you tell him everything at some point

he's really supportive and caring. sometimes he may come across as too pushy, like forcing you to get out of your shell and meet his friends and be more open about your feelings, but he means well

really sweet and gentle when you're in private. you can talk openly to him about anything he will listen

"Oh? You feel like you're not good enough for me? Nuh uh"

Ranpo may seem childish and playful most of the time but he's actually thoughtful

always shares your candy with you to show you how much he cares

I do see him asking Poe to write a novel describing the perfect date place. and then takes you on that perfect date yk. he's smooth like that

being with you makes him act more mature and serious. because he is serious about you. he truly wants to show you the love you never had and make you feel worthy of yourself

𝑭𝒖𝒌𝒖𝒛𝒂𝒘𝒂

another green flag

you can see his smile slowly fade away when you tell him everything about your past

when you're done he hugs you so tightly♡

making sure you're appreciated is one of his number one priorities now

ofc he doesn't mind that you're shy. always reassures you that you can take things slow and fully open up to each other and all. he's really sweet

if you weren't his partner and just a member of the ADA he'd be your father figure. but that's not the case

makes you feel cared for with acts of service and quality time. although he's busy at the Agency he always makes time to go on dates with you or simply spend time in the comfort of your home

🙏🙏 best words of affirmation

he feels the need to protect you. Fukuzawa is very much aware of the fact that your ability makes you a target. many people could take advantage of it. so he wants to keep you safe

he does his utmost to be reassuring and offer you support whenever you need it. and helps you heal and learn to love yourself.

𝑭𝒚𝒐𝒅𝒐𝒓

this man... when I tell you he only wanted you for your ability at first

but somehow he realises that there's more to you than just your power. little by little he grows fond of you; and curious

when you tell him about your past he's disappointed but not surprised. he knows how cruel people can be

still, after that he treats you more like a human being and when you do end up together he's surprisingly gentle

Fyodor is lowkey forced to change his attitude towards you. to be kind and good. to show you that you're loved because it really pains him to see you suffer

I see him brewing you tea, cuddling with you while you read a book together and playing the cello to cheer you up when you're sad or simply need to unwind

being with him may not be the easiest. he's cold and distant sometimes but he does his best to reassure you that you're worhty, loved and precious (and not only because of your ability)

STILL if you ever get into a fight he won't hesitate to use your past against you. but he will regret it the second he sees how your face drops. so he apologises

178 notes · View notes

severalforraelee · 1 year

Text

The Girls Part 10: Charles Leclerc x Reader

Photo credit to Manu Fernandez / Associated Press

Word count: 3,151

Written by raelee / Posted June 3

Masterlist

Formula 1 Masterlist

The Girls Masterlist

“Can you put your shoes on?” I ask Ada, setting the tiny Converse in front of her. I hear my phone buzz from its spot on the coffee table but I ignore it, like I’ve been doing since it started buzzing this morning.

Someone really wants to get a hold of me, but I don’t care to respond to them. Ever since Charles and Lando left to go back to the Formula 1 world a couple of days ago, I’ve been a bit distant with everyone. It’s clearly noticeable from the way that Charles texted me the other day telling me that I have to respond to him- if only just to let him know that his daughters are still alive and taken care of.

So, the only reason I’ve picked my phone up in the past couple of days has been to text Charles updates on what the girls are doing or to send him a silly photo of them.

Ada giggles, shaking her head while giving me a toothy smile. I can’t help but smile at her back, barely having time to catch Lucy as she unexpectedly jumps into my arms.

My phone buzzes again.

I ignore it.

“Mama, phone,” Lucy points out as I push Ada’s shoe onto her foot.

“I know, Lucy.” I push the second shoe onto the other foot. “Can I put your shoes on now?”

She nods, moving to sit where Ada was sitting. I help her into her shoes and yank on my own, standing to grab the diaper bag that’s also been my makeshift purse since the girls were born.

I debate bringing my phone, I really do.

There is nothing I would love more than to be as far away from my phone as possible right now. Putting some physical distance in between me and my phone would feel like putting distance between me and the problems that are causing emotional turmoil. I would love to have relief from the problems that have been causing me distress for days and to have time to decompress and clear my head enough to figure out what I should do next with both Lando and Charles.

But I throw my phone into the diaper bag, because I know that I’m too anxious and paranoid to go anywhere without it. I always think that the time that I don’t bring my phone with me is the time that I’m going to need it.

Ada’s tiny hand is gripped in one of my hands with Lucy’s small hand in the other as we make our way down the street to the nearby park. One thing that I love about being a young mom in college is that sometimes, I have the mid-day free, which means that the places that we go to aren’t overcrowded with a bunch of other people.

“Wee,” Lucy cheers as I push her in the swing, Ada holding onto my leg for dear life, unsurely looking at the swing.

“Do you want to try to go on the swing, Ada?” I ask her.

She glances between me and the swing, resting her eyes on me.

“Let’s just try it, if you don’t like it, you can always get off,” I reassure her. She nods and I help her into the swing next to Lucy. I give her gentle pushes at first, then slowly pick up the pace, which causes her to shriek.

“Ada,” Lucy says, reaching her short arm out. Ada reaches her arm out too, connecting her hand with Lucy’s hand. The girls swing hand in hand, the swings moving simultaneously.

I smile admirably at the act of sibling love. Having twins was so hard at first. I would feed one and give them a diaper change, thinking that I would be able to sit down and rest for 5 minutes, but as soon as I put them down in their crib the other one would wake up. I swear, they planned it. There were a lot of tears- from both me and them, sleepless nights, and uncertainty of how the hell I was going to handle two babies at once. But seeing them grow up and their affection and love towards one another makes it all worth it. They love each other more than I could’ve ever hoped for.

I grab my phone from my pocket, taking a quick picture of the moment and posting it on my Instagram story before putting it away to push the girls some more. “Mama, sand,” Ada requests. Lucy nods vigorously, agreeing with her sister.

“Alright, you can go play in the sandbox,” I agree, pulling them out of the swings and setting them on their feet.

My feet carry me to the nearby bench that my bag is on, sitting down and watching the girls play with the toys in the sandbox.

My phone buzzes in my pocket with another phone call. I just sigh, leaning my back against the bench and keeping my eyes on the girls. I already know who it is. It’s the same person who’s been trying to get a hold of me for a few days now.

Lando.

I don’t want to answer his phone call. I don’t want to talk about the issues that I have with my family, I don’t want to hear his apology for trying to push me into returning to an environment where I’m clearly not welcome. Truthfully, I don’t want to think of any of it.

My family right now is me, Ada, and Lucy, with Charles and Lando sprinkled in every once in a while.

My phone dings with a text and I intent to glance over at it, just to see if it’s Charles and needs a response. It’s Lando, but his text catches my attention.

Please answer my calls, I know you’re on your phone, I just saw your Instagram story. I just want to make things right with you.

The text brings me back to the last couple of years that I’ve spent neglecting my relationship with Lando. Every time that I was struggling and wanted to call him, confess everything to him, knowing that at the end of the day everything would be alright because he’s my brother and he would forgive and support me. But instead, I spent all that time fearing his reaction.

Similar to what I’m doing now.

I sigh, glancing up to make sure that the girls are still playing nicely before clicking the phone icon under Lando’s contact.

“Hi,” he answers the phone immediately.

“Hey.”

“How are you?”

“I’m good. How have you been?” This dancing around the elephant in the room is excruciating, but I don’t want to get to the purpose of this phone call instantly. I’d rather ease into it.

“I’ve been good.” It’s quiet. “I just wanted to apologize for my part in how we left things. And for starting that conversation when I know how tense your relationship with our family is. And for not being there for you more. I’m sorry.”

I watch my thumb play with a fray on my shorts through tears in my eyes.

“I accept your apology.”

“I didn’t realize that things were so… hostile,” he says awkwardly, unsure of how to proceed with this conversation.

“Yeah,” I chuckle bitterly, swiping at the tears. “They were. They are.”

“Whenever you’re ready to repair things, if you’re ever ready, let me know and I’ll be right there by your side. I’d rather it be me than Charles.”

I let out a genuine laugh at that.

“Although, I will admit, and this will be the first and last time you’ll hear me say this, he does treat you well and he obviously cares about you.”

My heart flutters at the compliment. “Yeah, he’s great. Lucy, don’t throw that! I have to go, Lando, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, of course. I love you.”

“Love you too.” The phone call ends.

Once I get Lucy situated, I sit back on the bench, able to process the conversation and my feelings. I appreciate his apology and concern, but I find it hard to believe that he had his head in the sand as much as he makes it seem when it comes to how our family treated me during my pregnancy. Sure, he wasn’t at every family event, but he was at enough to know that the tension was thick enough to cut with a knife. And I’m still upset that he tried to push me into repairing my relationship with my family- he knows that if I have an issue with someone, it’s for a genuine reason. Trying to force me into repairing a relationship that he doesn’t know enough about why it broke in the first place rubs me the wrong way.

But he’s my brother. I love him, and it shows his strength and maturity in how much he tried to reach me to apologize. And to finally show his appreciation for Charles, who honestly doesn’t get as much credit as he deserves for how he’s acted since finding out that he’s a father. I really should tell him how much I appreciate him more.

“Dada,” Ada and Lucy shout simultaneously as the interview panel appears on the screen.

My heart flutters at the sight of Charles. He always looks handsome, but today his hair is longer and messier than usual so he looks even more charming.

I push those emotions down, instead reminding Ada to chew with her mouth closed.

“How was your summer break, Lando?” An interviewer asks.

“It was good, I got to see my family and friends and really just relaxed,” Lando gives his toothy grin.

“And how was your summer break, Charles?” The same interviewer asks.

“Yeah, it was really nice, I spent a lot of quality time with my family so it was a summer break well spent,” Charles breaks out his wide, genuine grin.

“Did you spend a lot of time at Ferrari, too, working on the car?” Lando questions Charles.

My stomach churns at the intentional dig, and it turns even more at Charles’ response.

He turns to Lando, giving him a tight-lipped smile. “Yep.”

It’s not the usual response that Charles would give to Lando, considering their friendship and the common knowledge that Lando’s jokes come off as rude sometimes. Usually Charles would joke back, make a little quip of his own.

I can’t help but wonder if this response is because when Lando and Charles left, Charles was still having to comfort me over my argument with Lando. I didn’t tell him that Lando and I resolved things- I didn’t think that it would be something that he wanted to know.

My fingers are opening Twitter before I can stop myself, another driver answering a question as background noise as I look up Charles Leclerc and Lando Norris to see if anyone else noticed that there continues to be this weird tension surrounding them.

And oh, people have.

I close the app after reading just a couple of tweets, not wanting to spiral in front of my two little girls.

I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do about my brother and kids’ father.

“Okay girls, dada’s in the red car and Uncle Lando’s in the orange car,” I tell my daughters as we get ready to watch the race.

“Dada?” Lucy asks as Carlos’ car appears on the screen.

“Well…” I pause to think about it. “Yes.”

They’re not even two years old, they won’t be able to tell if there’s one or two red cars. It’s just easier to tell them a color and whoever they see on the screen they’ll think is their dad or uncle.

The camera switches to a driver’s partner standing in the garage, chatting with his parents. For a brief moment I imagine myself in that position. One daughter in my arms with Lorenzo playing with her, another daughter in Charles’ mom’s arms as Arthur plays with her.

Charles and Lando have known each other for a long time, so of course I’ve met his family. But that was only briefly and I was introduced as Lando’s sister, not the mother of Charles’ children.

I’m a little fearful to meet his family- I don’t know what they think about me, and I’m not sure if I want to know. They probably hate me for keeping Charles’ kids from him for years.

But I wish I could be there with Lucy and Ada in person to cheer Charles on. I wish I could show the girls what their dad does and have them give him good luck kisses before the race. But the fear of the judgment that not just me, but Lucy and Ada would face terrifies me.

And I’d do anything to protect my daughters.

“You’re missing Charles, aren’t you?” The teasing French accent asks as soon as I answer his call.

I furrow my eyebrows, crouching down to grab the handful of toys off the floor to throw them into the bucket.

“Why do you think that?”

I can’t deny it. Although Pierre and I aren’t as close as Pierre and Charles, we still had a good friendship with a deep understanding of one another when I was at the paddock all of the time. If I denied that I was missing Charles- which we both know is the truth- he would harass me until I finally admitted it.

In a loving way, of course.

“Your Instagram story.”

I posted a picture on my private story of the back of the girls’ heads, watching the screen as Charles was interviewed for his third place finish. I was hoping my friends would take it as just a coincidence that Charles was on the screen when the photo was taken, looking mighty fine, might I add, but clearly Pierre can see through my bullshit.

“I need to take you off my private Instagram story,” I mutter under my breath, shoving the bucket back into the shelf.

“Hey, you can’t, I need to get all of the gossip,” he whines.

Despite him not being able to see, I roll my eyes, rising to my feet.

“Don’t worry, he misses you too.”

My feet that are carrying me to my next destination, the kitchen to clean, pause at his words.

He misses you too.

He misses me? Why would he miss me? He probably just misses me because being with me means being with Ada and Lucy. He doesn’t get to spend time with his daughters without having to see me to ask how they’re doing and get updates on their everyday life.

“Of course he misses Ada and Lucy, they’re his daughters,” I clarify for him, swallowing the lump in my throat. I load the dishes into the dishwasher, trying to distract myself by focusing on anything but his words.

“And you.”

My breath hitches at his words.

Every time that I try to convince myself that Charles doesn’t like me, that he doesn’t view me in a romantic way anymore, something appears to refute that. But… Pierre didn’t say that Charles misses me romantically. He could just miss me as a friend, or a constant presence in his life.

But by the tone of his voice… I can sense the deeper meaning.

“Pierre-””So when are you and the girls coming to a race again? We’re in Italy next week, it would be the perfect race to bring the girls to,” he interrupts, knowing that he doesn’t want to hear whatever I have to say.

“I won’t be bringing Ada and Lucy to a race anytime soon, Pierre.”

“Why not?”

“If Charles suddenly shows up with two toddlers and announces that they’re his daughters, the Formula 1 world would explode. Even if we show up not with Charles, people will recognize us,” I sigh, wiping down the counter.

“Show up with Lando, people already know that he’s your brother,” the Frenchman suggests.

“But there’s still rumors about the girls being Charles’ daughters. Besides, Lando and I don’t have the best relationship right now.”

Pierre pauses. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Good,” I can feel his relief through the phone. “I understand what you’re saying, I just wish you could return to the paddock and Ada and Lucy could be introduced to it.”

“I wish we could too, but I just want to keep them out of the public eye for as long as I can. They’re just so young, and being connected to Charles, one of the most popular Formula 1 drivers, they would get so much attention,” I confess to him my biggest worry with bringing the girls to the paddock.

“I am also a popular Formula 1 driver,” Pierre says defensively.

“Did I ever say that you weren’t?”

He’s quiet. “I guess not.”

I glance at the clock. “Alright, I have to go to bed, I have work tomorrow.”

“Charles is still having you work?”

“Try letting me work. He offers to pay for my expenses practically every other day, I’m waiting for him to force it on me at this point.”

He laughs at that. “Good luck with that. Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Pierre.”

I hang up the phone, walking down the hall to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth.

I know that he didn’t mean to, but Pierre’s phone call worsens the feelings of guilt that I felt from watching the race earlier. There’s nothing more than I would love than to come to all of the races- I was a Formula 1 fan before I was involved with Charles. And I’d love to be able to support Lando like I used to.

It’s just not possible between work and school, but especially not now with two toddlers. And I know it’s not Charles’ fault for being so handsome and talented, but his status in the paddock definitely doesn’t help with the ease of bringing the girls to watch him race.

I don’t want to bring up my conflicting emotions to him, I don’t want to burden him with my thoughts and feelings. But sometimes I wonder what he thinks about this. I wonder if he would love to have the girls- or all three of us, if I’m daydreaming here, sitting in the Ferrari garage waving him goodbye before the race and giving him congratulations after the race. Or I wonder if he sees the paddock as more of a professional workplace, wanting to keep his private life and professional life separate.

I swallow down my feelings of guilt as I turn the light off, climbing into bed. I can’t crawl into Charles’ Leclerc’s head and find out, and honestly, I don’t know if I want to know the answer to that question. So I’m just going to go to bed.

Tags that are working

@untitled92260 @disneydaydreameralways @zxlla @thrsdyschld @purpledianezzzzzz @lovingroscoee @bilbobag9ins @way-to-eat-all-the-chips-kip @withyoutilltheendofthismess @chiogarza @simpforpierre @scottmctominbae @octaviareina @lindsaytriestowrite @starjane312 @savannah-elliott @sanne-p @o0itsjustme0o @eleanorbvb @permanentllyharry

@dr3lover @piceous21 @citylights31 @xoxoloverb @lebritneeey @sweetlittleorchid @soomanybands @raaaaabzzz @heyitskay-21 @5secondsof-beforeyouexit @xox-moon-xox @tall-tanned-tattoo @fredsandlokiswhore @fictional-l0v3r @valkryejh @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @starjane312 @hannahholland1811 @b-orderline @puthaydestroyer @theplobnrgone @dudde-44 @lmao-liz @herpes-free-since-05 @leclerc16s @fictional-l0v3r @hes-club @kyomihann @compulsiveshit @markluv4u @kodzuskook @hazzasswiftie @organasith @chxndlerrr @ella33 @pleasantducktimetravel @ourlazydetectivekitten @weirdlychaotic @s00nfloweronfyre @ophcelia @loveofmylife12 @iamasimpingh0e @amulhermaisfelizdomundo @allisonxf1 @f-hollands @junglxqueen @motylekrozi @shqwqrma @justmemewriting @hello-sunshine-x @hiphopdancer101universe @caosfanblr @rosesintj @arieltwvdtohamflash @dessxoxsworld @alwaysclassyeagle @irule-ha-losers @buendiabebeta @butterflyjames @copper-boom @xcharlottemikaelsonx @mrswang17 @charlesswife @kplatzman @teti-menchon0604 @oneoftwoghosts @darkmalice00 @alwaysclassyeagle

Tags that aren’t working

@watermelon1299 @sweet3poison @88red88 @infamousmany @cippyo @sophiachiodelli @starlightoctavia @ln15 @adorerdj @fromthedeskofjoii @ar333f1 @callmequeenbeee @starbucksthings @ninnypoosworld @starxqt @poofy-baby-unicorns @escapingrealityagain @jazztime @sueesstuff @coucou123 @nglurmomishotlmao @dontforgetplusc @teamspideyman @starcatcher48 @lissimountf1 @motheraiya @lovee-rosiieee @brusg21 @lcuppo @squidwardsluverxx @ystrolllll @blueskiesandtom @fulla02 @teardropsandraindrops

#charles leclerc imagine #formula 1 imagine #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc fanfiction #sfrformula1 #sfrthegirls

247 notes · View notes

o-hora-o · 4 months

Note

hello your art is amazing !! i wondered, do you have hcs / doodles / thoughts about the aftermath of the 1955 disaster ? be it eins and tesla's reaction, how they had to support each others to rise again, how eins had to survive joyce's loss etc... also i'm curious because we always talk about einjoyce in 55 naturally, but the game showed us she still thinks of him even in 2018, it's been so long.... after all the welt joyce is the whole pillar emblem and creation of anti-entropy, it must be hard to be one of the founder of a worldwide organization based on your old lover's legacy otl

Thank you very much!!! Both for the compliment and the question. I often think about 55's aftermath, of course. And these thoughts torment me most of the time so that I draw sketches and make hcs about the alternative outcome. Sometimes I do want to draw more arts about canonical events, and I probably will but it's just...hard.

Now further goes my headcanonical 1955 disaster aftermath and einjoyce fan ramble and I’m sorry in advance if this is not what you expected to hear from me:

In the novel, Ada mentioned that after waking up, Ein and Tesla accepted everything that had happened very calmly. But I imagine Ada wasn't present there when they woke up, she spent all her time with Joachim and took care of him. And maybe at some point, the boy got so attached to her that that’s why he eventually decided to run away with her for 20 years, away from the problems and legacy of the late hero (And then hi3 mentions Ada only...what, once?) I imagine that Ada was really the only one who could look after Joachim because Planck spent most of her time in the hospital.

So, now let’s talk about Planck. I love Emma, she might have quirks but she’s very dear to me. She played the mother figure whose presence could bring the sense of peace, comfort and safety. Emma was “everything is going to be alright” person with a strong yet soft spirit, she was someone Lieserl aspired to be. But oh, how lonely she’d been...throughout all her life. I think Carl was the only one who understood her like no one else. Then she lost him and was on the verge of losing her dear girls. Not to mention she had already lost Edison and Schrodinger. She had to take Edison's place and single-handedly create an entire organization out of the ashes, and Schrodinger...Planck did not live to see the day when it turned out that Erwin was alive. So yeah, Emma was a lonely woman with no one by her side but the unthinkable unbearable burden, she was the first one who had to carry the weight of the World on her shoulders. All in all, back in 1955-56 Plank was either in the hospital or busy trying to find a new base. Oh, yes, most likely she had to organize funerals which Ein and Tesla, obviously, missed.

Ein and Tesla...as I’ve already said once, not seeing waking-up-from-coma scene in the novel was the greatest loss but the greatest blessing at the same time. I think it was the hardest and most horrific moment in their lives. And I also like to imagine around then they got drunk together for the first time.

To be honest, I admire Tesla's copium and how she's doing...mostly alright these days. Especially regarding her unfortunate life. But damn how easily 1955 can trigger her. I think she's been holding a very deep personal grudge against Welt all these years. She almost never mentions him or speaks his name out load and, in general, she never speaks of those years either, unlike Ein. If Ein and Joachim are stuck mentally in the past, Tesla seems to exist only within "today". It's only when Joachim tries to sacrifice himself over and over again all the accumulated resentment and despair wakes up in her. Because Welt's sacrifice did all this to Joachim and Welt's legacy is louder than Tesla's cry to stop playing a lonely hero. I think Tesla is a definition of "I told you so" in this story. She was the one who foresaw Welt's death. She was the one who wanted to share her "know there's nothing worth remembering in our lives so there's no need to dwell on the past" ideology to help him let go of the guilt and start appreciating his life. I think she cared about him no less then Ein because I see Tesla and Welt as a younger brother/older sister duo, they always bicker, tease but care for each other nonetheless. So of course when she woke up, she was lost, angry, hysterical and hurt. I think she deserves no less than Joachim or Ein the opportunity to meet Welt again and to talk everything she’s been holding inside all these years out. But apparently this was too boring for the writers, and they just decided to erase Welt’s soul for forever and took away from AE the opportunity to try locating his soul in the core and bring him back when they’re not busy preventing the end of the world every day. But instead, we got Joffrey (I have nothing against the boy but this whole clone thing just feels so.... utterly wrong, help). And I find it ironic that the one who unwillingly made Tesla’s life a mess is, kinda, became her son whom she’s been taking care of and who will be by her side from now on.

And Lieserl...you know, I’ve never been a fan of romantic stories but somehow einjoyce got a chokehold on me and my heart, for me they’re the true manifestation of soulmates and match-made-in-heaven thing. I already had a little brainrot post about her living after 1955 but yes, you are right, she still thinks of him even in 2018 and I still can’t wrap my mind around it. That and the fact she’d been analysing him for 3 years before she took him in to the 42 lab. For 3 years, without seeing him in person (and she even tried to practice talking less “nonsense” so she would look mysterious and idk attractive to him? But totally failed on the very first day spent together with him). And then, in the course of one, ONE, month Welt became someone who could not only understand Ein’s quirks, chaotic thoughts but also enjoy her personality and communicate with her in pure silence. He was the last one she talked to so freely and who actually listened to her. And Lieserl being ready to rather die than let Erwin hurt Welt is a whole “hear me out” conversation on its own. So yes, I believe a part of her died that day with Welt and the other - later on with the death of her "ultimate navigator" Planck (I still think about how she shortly mentioned that that period was a nightmare for the organization). Now she's just Doctor Einstein and even though she acts as her younger self from time to time she still feels like an... empty cold vessel with an escapistic fixation on work, books and games. And if she has no Tesla to tease, no work to do, no book to read and no game to play, she escapes into nostalgic thoughts. Does she really care about the future of the world and humanity? Because I think she can't care less about 99% people around her. She and Joachim are just driven by symbolic and twisted sense of Welt's legacy who thought his death would be insignificant and then it turned their lives upside down and inside out. Does she even care about Joachim or just sees him as a part of Welt’s legacy?

But back to the 1956.

Would it be too sadistic to imagine she had a long dream in which no one died whilst she was in coma? I remember I had an old headcanon similar to this one but it's about present days where 14th Herrscher puts everyone to sleep with an ideal dream. And it back loops to the moment when Ein wakes up in sweat early in the morning in the villa of Southend-on-Sea.

But anyway. The moment when she woke up from coma...I’m no writer but let’s say her consciousness awakened before her sensations. She couldn't understand where she was or who she was. She didn't remember what happened. And this void of perception caused both calmness and unease for her, everything around felt like through fathomless water. It was hard for her to open eyes and concentrate because she was met by blinding light and dizziness instead. Her hands were shaking, and her body was shivering when she tried to get up. As she called for Welt and Tesla her lips felt numb and every word seemed to scratch her throat, taking away all her energy so that she was ready to fall asleep again. And let’s say Tesla woke up sooner than Ein so that Nicola and Emma were both in anticipation and fear of the moment when she would wake up only to split her life into “before” and “after” with mere three words. She would be in denial and panic would slowly rise up her throat. As the realisation set in, she would slowly suffocate on the verge of tears. Because all of it was so unfair, she entrusted her little World’s fate to the world, and it took him away. She failed to protect him, and the guilt slowly consumed her from the inside day after day, year after year. And to give her an eternal life with an option of ending it by her will is... sigh. I hope she and Tesla at least got sedative pills while in hospital.

So that’s when Tesla and Ein formed a strong bond. But their problem is that they are constantly keeping all their opinions, feelings and thoughts to themselves (yes, even Tesla) and most likely it resulted in various quarrels and then Emma helped them realise that from now on they only have each other and the life will go on but in the end... they will be the only one left.

Sometimes I forget that not long after all of this hospital chaos they took part in numerous interviews with Joachim who had to shapeshift into Welt's appearance, and he had to do that for years. That's almost as dreadful as getting eternal lives.

As you can see, I can endlessly talk about them and all the known scenes they took part in after 1955. I honestly tried to write my thoughts as short as possible, and I hope you don’t regret opening this door into abyss of my endless thoughts with your question.

#anti entropy

23 notes · View notes

daz4i · 1 year

Note

please please please share dazai fear analysis 🤲

hehe well i'm not gonna get too in depth (mostly bc my brain isn't at 100% atm) but a short version bc i don't wanna leave you hanging,

i'm basing this on no longer human and yozo, like most of my dazai analysis hehe. in nlh he talks often about how painfully afraid he is of p much everything, because he doesn't understand people, and he doesn't want to get caught if he does anything wrong, too afraid to say no because he doesn't know how the other person will react, etc

i think. if you apply this reading to bsd dazai, a lot of his behavior makes sense, as well as adds depth to him and his more questionable actions

a p obvious example: the whole meursault arc, i think he is genuinely afraid to die, because he knows if he does then fyodor will come out on top and hurt his loved ones, destroy the whole world even. clearly, he is afraid of losing the people dear to him (but that's a very normal reaction lbr lol)

a general example: his constant acting like everything is fine to hide his real emotions - which, during his early mafia days, took form in looking blank and emotionless - can be a fear response of not knowing how other people will react to his true feelings, either due to past trauma where his emotions were dismissed or he got hurt for expressing them, or imo, more likely, due to a lack of understanding other people and not quite knowing what'll tick them off

(which might sound silly, bc he purposely ticks people off and looks to annoy people. but, this is a way to have control over the situation. that if the other person gets mad at him, he clearly knows why, he knows what he did to cause this, so this is like a precautionary measure to make sure he's not caught off guard. his fear isn't quite of their anger, or even getting hurt by their anger, but rather a lack of control or understanding of the situation)

a possibly controversial example: the way he acted with akutagawa during the dark era. i think, if you look at his actions as "basically a kid who is afraid to see this kid he found get hurt in combat, so he tries to make him stronger no matter what, and in the meantime is afraid to get attached in case the other kid does die so he tries to distance himself from him emotionally" it ofc doesn't excuse his actions, but imo, makes them. a bit more understandable, in a way. at least enough to somewhat empathize with him more

[this might be a slight side tangent but i have this hc i firmly believe in, that dazai caused ryuu's lung disease by injuring him somehow (given how he doesn't have it in the beast universe), and one of the reasons he's more gentle with atsushi is because he's afraid to hurt him too. not the main reason, but i do think it may add some depth here]

i do think he eased up after being in the ada for awhile - life became mostly predictable, nothing he couldn't handle - but. things changed, and now he's on edge again (turning you to story's lovely analysis that i keep referencing in a lot of my own dazai analysis bc it's so so good). fyodor coming back into his life certainly didn't help, either

now. since i can't not bring up his relationship with chuuya. i do think he has an easier time trusting chuuya because he knows he can handle himself. he doesn't feel the need to control him - always leaving him a choice in their plans - because he's not afraid of what could happen to him, he knows chuuya will be fine. also, their relationship started in such an awful way he doesn't need to hide his emotions around him :P this is why i think he has an easier time being with chuuya really, he's a momentary break from being in constant fear. this might also be why he's so obnoxious when chuuya's around lmao (idk how much of this is actual analysis rather than "if you read them this way it adds a nice depth" so feel free to take this part with a grain of salt, i will always be the first to admit i'm not the best at reading skk hehe)

and while i didn't finish sb yet he does seem to be. really afraid in a lot of the scenes he's in, from what i read so far askjdfg bc now chuuya is in real danger! in a way he can't predict! this hasn't happened yet! (but i could ofc bc very wrong abt that lol)

(also i gotta say. i think this is what odasaku was for him too - ofc in addition to other things - bc he knows odasaku wouldn't hurt him or react in a bad way even if he did anything outrageous. and that's in part what made his rejection in beast so devastating for him, bc it shakes up one of the only safe things in his life)

i'd say, dazai's fear isn't paralyzing, at least not for more than a second a time. it makes him active, makes him overthink, over-analyze, over-prepare. and at the same time, he does it mostly from behind the scenes, through nudging and subtle encouragements, because he may possibly fear that if he went at it with full force, the people he already got attached to will reject him (bc at his core, i think he doesn't want to be alone, but that's a topic for another time). but more importantly - that he will become like fyodor, or like mori, who see people as disposable if it helps them further their goals

^now this is more of his current self, at least. i'd argue mafia!dazai's fears were different, more of a direct fear from people and how they might hurt him, so it's best for him to go along with what they say. and, a fear of a lack of meaning. he does constantly look for a reason to live, and that may come from a fear that his existence is truly meaningless (and while for most people this fear may express itself as fearing death as well, in dazai's case it's his suicidal tendencies. kind of like proving his fear is real, the way a kid might look at the monster they think is scary to convince themselves it can't hurt them. he will die and prove his existence WAS meaningless, but that idea can't actually hurt him at the end of the day if he chooses it. idk if this analogy makes sense to anyone but me tho lmao sorry)

i. don't know how clear this is. i may have lost the plot there at some point. again let me clarify this is obviously not a "this is how dazai is and any other reading is wrong" but more like "if you apply this reading it changes the context of his characters and explains his behavior and how i personally see him". also a lot of projection 👍 ajsdfghj feel free to see it as just a thought experiment if it doesn't quite fit your perception of him :)!

#and ofc as usual it's awesome and poggers if you disagree but be respectful about it 🙏#dan rambles #me: i will keep this short / me now: hm.#i just. kept finding more things to say. but. i think that ended up making this post very messy i'm sorry 😭#i might at some point clean it up and organize it and add more points and turn it into a real analysis 🫡#(also a disclaimer abt the brief mori mention: this is how i think 22!dazai sees him. not necessarily how he actually is)#(i know he's more complex than that asdsfjgh)#long post

50 notes · View notes

faith-forgxtten-land · 9 months

Note

idek what you'd do with this but you're a Taylor fan so peaky blinders characters and their corresponding Taylor song/s

ooooh this is a good one. and surprisingly difficult. and i'm trying not to repeat songs which is hard when all of these people are so desperately mentally ill...

Peaky Blinders Characters + their Taylor Swift songs

warnings: needlessly long

Tommy Shelby

mr perfectly fine - does this need explaining? he is mr casually cruel, mr everything revolves around you

so dignified in your well-pressed suit / so strategised, all the eyes on you / sashay your way to your seat / it's the best seat, in the best room / oh, he's so smug, mr always wins / so far above me in every sense / so far above feeling anything

dear reader - burn all the files, desert all your past lives

Alfie Solomons

london boy - i laughed with this but i will stand by it for obvious reasons

getaway car - i will take no comments on this

i knew you were trouble - he is trouble

beautiful ghosts - it mentions london and that’s good enough for me

i know this life isn’t safe / but it’s wild and it’s free

style - we never go out of style (alfie to tommy probably)

look what you made me do - honey, i rose up from the dead, i do it all the time

Arthur Shelby

this is me trying - i’m not sure i can find a song more fitting

they told me all of my cages were mental / so i got wasted like all my potential

renegade - is it insensitive for me to say “get your shit together so i can love you”?

you fire off missiles ‘cause you hate yourself / but do you know you’re demolishing me?

forever winter - he’s up, 5am, wasted / long gone, not even listening

in short, poor arthur

Polly Gray

sad beautiful tragic - it just feels right

mad woman - i’m struggling to explain these choices but they’re correct

castles crumbling - yes

my tears ricochet - also yes

Ada Shelby

dorothea - i thought hard about this one so you better agree

you got shiny friends since you left town

it’s never too late to come back to my side

fearless - she is

a place in this world - i'm just a girl / trying to find a place in this world

ours - communism

John Shelby

i forgot that you existed - i am sorry john

the way i loved you - he and esme are crazy

but i miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain / it’s 2am and i’m cursing your name

can you tell i struggled

girl at home - you’re married john

Michael Gray

foolish one - he’s dumb as hell

never grow up - just is, could be him or polly

the lucky one - you wonder if you’ll make it out alive

bad blood - well

Grace Burgess

when emma falls in love - when emma falls in love, she paces the floor / closes the blinds and locks the door

she won’t walk away, unless she knows she absolutely has to leave

and all the bad boys would be good boys / if they only had a chance to love her

Lizzie Stark

don’t you - this fits her so well and i will not entertain any arguments about it

i heard she’s nothing like me / i’m sure she’ll make you happy

sometimes, i really wish that i could hate you / i’ve tried, but that’s just something i can’t do

you’re losing me - we thought a cure would come through in time, now i fear it won’t

now i just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time / do i throw out everything we built or keep it

May Carleton

august - you weren’t mine to lose

Finn Shelby

exile - i’m hilarious

you’re on your own, kid - see above

Esme Lee

crazier - yes

#peaky blinders #Taylor swift #the crossover the world needed #I'm both proud and highly ashamed of this #tommy shelby #alfie solomons #arthur shelby #polly gray #michael gray #I can't think of any more tags #grace shelby #lizzie stark #finn shelby #john shelby #ada shelby #grace burgess #esme shelby #esme lee #lizzie shelby

23 notes · View notes

agathne · 1 year

Text

CHAPTER THREE | THERE'S MILLIONS OF ME DARLING

Description: Thranduil and Legolas are transported to the past - where the late Elvenqueen was still alive - minor hiccup, she doesn't know who they are.

series masterlist | chapter two

"The fever died down, but you should rest." you breathed while combing through his silver locks. "If there is anything you need - feel free to call me," you reminded, settling the hairbrush on the table beside the bed.

"Can I have some water?" he requested and you nod, quickly filling the goblet with the drink and handing it to him. He keeps staring at you while he drank - waiting for any sense of familiarity.

"Ada has spoken to me about your ... detriment." you tiptoed, sitting down beside him on the bed. It was the first time an elf has ever encountered something of the ilk - it was fascinating for you. "It sounds scary," you sympathized, placing a soft hand on his shoulder.

He smiles slowly - reminding you of your own smile.

"It is scarier when you are the one who goes into the past," he admitted, still feeling lightheaded from the shift of worlds. It was hopeless to imagine that he'd ever return to Mirkwood - perhaps, this was going to be his home forever - and he'll never see his father or Tauriel ever again.

"Do you know me?" you inquired, wanting to know about your future.

He bites his bottom lip in attempt to find a better word to answer you. Did he know you? Yes, but at the same time - no. He's felt your touch and heard your singing - but he's never spoken to you. He's never asked for your advice - or danced with you in a banquet. He knows your memory - but not you personally.

"That is too straightforward, I apologize." you bow, moving a few centimeters away from him. "I do." he suddenly responds, contemplating on whether or not he should tell the full truth. "Do I know you in the future?" you asked again - with curiosity.

"You know me more than I know myself." he replied cryptically, moving the blankets over his legs. "I find that hard to believe," you placed a finger to your lips. "- so tell me, who will I marry?" you narrowed your eyes, smiling at the thought of love.

"I'm not allowed to tell you - I think." he answered for lack of better understanding. If you found out about him and his father's neglect, you were sure to choose a different path. His existence will cease to exist - and mayhaps, Arda too.

"Shame, but I have no hard feelings." you smile - standing up and retrieving his empty dishes.

"Rest, mellon." you warned, closing the door behind you.

Elrond wrapped his wife in a thick embrace, almost suffocating the elleth if it weren't for her stomach blocking his way. "My dear," he pressed a kiss to her forehead. He turns to greet Cirdan, but is met with another elf hidden inside the carriage - unconscious.

"Who is he?" he raised an eyebrow - and his wife shakes her head. "Tis' under Cirdan's watch - none of your worries, I assure, my husband." she smiled - pulling his face closer and placing a kiss on his cheek. "I found our daughter's sword in the borders," she reported, taking the item from her side and showing it to her husband.

Elrond narrows his eyes - staring at the sword and moving it in all of it's available angles. It was a close replica to his daughter's. It was made with the same materials, had a few of the indents that it had - but he knew that it wasn't yours.

"This is not our daughter's, Celebrian." he informed, seeing a tree engraved on its handle. "What?" she blurts, turning to look at the elf who was stirring awake inside of the carriage. "Don't tell me that it has something to do with him," he exasperated, feeling a headache form in the back of his head.

"I can explain," the elf slurred hoarsely, regaining his full might.

"Open the sword," he commanded, and Elrond follows.

"Grief is also love, meleth." you rubbed comforting circles on his back. He refused to shed another tear at his father's passing - he needed to be strong for his people. "Love is not supposed to hurt," he sniffled, grip tightening around the last letter his father sent.

"- it should have been me." he turned to look at you - eyes cloudy with tears. "No," you laid your head on his shoulder.

Thranduil and his father had a close bond - he was the King's shadow - a dedicated scholar of the Woodland Realm. You've spoken to the King a few times - words of wisdom flowed out of his mouth.

He was stoic and cold, but he did it out of love for Thranduil. He didn't deserve to die - and neither did the thousands of warriors in this battlefield.

"My ada was chosen by our people - and I have failed him." he cried, placing his arms around you as he continued to weep. "We cannot measure our lives by our deeds, your father loved you - enough to save you. No parent deserves to bury their child." you comforted.

You lift your sword slowly - done with the carving.

"What does it say?" he inquired - unable to see anything from the tears that were blocking his view. "Do not look for love in the brightest of mornings, look for it in the night - and I will be there." you read - smiling softly.

"He claims that his name is Thranduil," Celebrian adds.

"I'm here for my son." he asserted, breaking free from the rope that Cirdan tied him with. "What is his name?" Elrond inquired.

"Legolas."

next chapter>>

a/n: comments and reblogs are appreciated !!

@murder0fcr0ws @cheyxfu

(comment to be tagged)

#thranduil x reader #thranduil x oc #legolas' mother #thranduil's wife #thranduil x elrond's daughter #thranduil x elrond daughter

66 notes · View notes

charmwasjess · 6 months

Text

I'm going to see Ada Limón read today, the current US poet laureate. I'm excited but a little sad - the festival she's reading at is something I used to do with my late mentor, who was killed last January. Another dear friend who I'd also read with at the same festival passed away shortly after my mentor. All the same, part of grief is keeping going. I couldn't be returning to this festival of ghosts in better company, going with my partner and friends on a rainy spring day in Virginia. We'll walk around downtown and drink wine and listen to good poems. My black dress will get all wet. But this poem from Ada that always hit me (it does feature the death of a person named Jess, after all) is striking me a little bit harder this morning. So here it is:

The Marketing Life for Those of Us Left by Ada Limón

Stuck in the answer of day, all we've got are these people to rely on, and trees, and the grasp of a river in the mind. All the beautiful girls in the office are laughing and I laugh along. And all of us good people, honest and clean, And what puts the mean in some of us?

Sumptuous mountain, midnight milkweed, come to the valley of neon and no-crying. High hillside of home, I'm waving from the cement center, can you see me? I've got this big city in me. Pretty on fire, pretty high wired. It's been a year since Jess died, she said, "I always knew it would come down to pills in the applesauce." And the house is not haunted, nor the office. I wish it was, don't you? We were wilder before, see-through shirts and model boys and bouncers in hotels lobbies across the country. Who knew it would be hard to get to thirty-two? A friend says the best way to love the world is to think of leaving. We're all in a little trouble, you know? Piles of empty stars we've tossed aside for the immediate kiss. Push me around a bit, shake my pockets, I store everything in my mouth, going to make an apple out of plastic, going to make a real star out of the apple, then I'm going to sell it to you. I'm going to tell you it's the most important thing. I'm going to tell you I'm sorry, I'm going to crash on your communal couch of unwanted. Let's say bloom. Let's say we're a miracle of technology. It's harder to not say anything. It's harder to admit we are alive sometimes, isn't it? It's all we've got, say it, pinch me. You're here. So am I. So there.

#we're all in a little trouble you know #getting emotional on the count dooku horniness blog sorry about that #see you tomorrow

13 notes · View notes

valyrou · 1 year

Note

hi there, dear! i saw you were doing matchups 🙀🙀 if it’s alright with you, may i please have a bsd matchup? please take your time on this!

my name is ren and i use she/they pronouns. write this with either one! i am omnisexual, but my preference is men at the moment. i am an aries, as well as an intj 6w5!

personality: my personality really depends on my mood. i am usually hella awkward when i first meet a person, and before we really get close i will be quiet and polite. but once you really get to know me, i am positive and energetic, and objectively funny. i’m incredibly kind and sweet and caring i think are the words, and i always put others before myself. i’m what one would call “a gifted kid”, i am very intelligent. i’m very responsible and i am the “mom friend”. i’m very clingy unless you make me uncomfortable. i can usually mask my emotions but if i bottle them up for too long I’ll just break down. i have ADHD and have the shortest attention span known to man, so I’m always off in my own little world. i need someone who can keep me grounded. i LOVE to talk and if you give me a chance, i won’t shut up. i am very insecure and have severe trust issues, unless you have proven to me time after time i can trust you. i fear that people find me annoying and i cry very easily, especially if someone raises their voice at me.

hobbies: i love to read, especially classics and fantasy novels. give me a good book and i can finish it in a day if i work hard enough. i play piano and i do theater and honors chorus, so i love to act and sing. i love writing and always am writing something, whether it’s in my head or on paper. i am an amazing cook and baker and will housewife if i have to 😼😼. i love to have conversations on politics and world debates. i like to play chess (but i suck) and pool (i don’t suck at pool), and i play tennis.

likes: i love music and literature in general. i am definitely a cat person and will pick up a cat off the side of the road and bring it home. i love drama and am a bit of a gossip. i also love fashion and will have a heart attack if i am not wearing something that matches. i love shopping and video games (i am a smash bros and mariokart GOD)

dislikes: i HATE bugs. if there is a bug in my house, i will scream and jump onto the counter to get away from it. you kill a bug for me? you have my undying loyalty. i can’t stand scary movies, especially clowns. i am somewhat of a picky eater. i also hate second chances. it’s not worth it to give hundreds of chances to someone who breaks your trust and heart every single time. i also hate the ocean. you take me to the beach? i will be sitting in a chair under an umbrella reading, looking absolutely disgusted 💀💀

love language:

A/n: THIS WAS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER LOLOL BUT NO WORRIES IT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME!! Also we are quite similar :0 thank you for requesting love, stay hydrated yourself and sleep a good amount <33

I will pair you up with…

Kunikida Doppo!

(Bro looks soo majestic <33)

Kunikida isn’t patient with Dazai since Dazai teases him on purpose, but he would be incredibly patient with you

He understands the struggle that comes with ADHD so he’d make sure you don’t zone out to much, maybe take you places and let you talk as much as you want

He‘s a great listener

Distracts you with something to fiddle with, so you don’t zone out on him

Maybe physical touch isn’t his biggest love language, but Initially warms up to it. PDA maybe too, depends really

Hand holding sure, except you guys work together (If you would work in the ADA as well that is) then it’s just an initial squeeze on the shoulder or a kiss on the head

Kunikidas love language is quality time fr fr

Takes you out all the time, art galleries, museums, ancient library, the park etc.

You don’t have to feel insecure around Kunikida as well. He loves you for you, not for who you‘d wish to be

He would make sure you understood that

Compliments all the way, long talks

He has a literal description of his dream partner like?????

He loves you the way you are and he promises you every time you doubt yourself that he loves the current you <3

As loyal as you Are

Get a bigger beach chair, because this guy won’t play in the water either.

Please give each other book recommendations???????

Would start off very shy and akward in the relationship but once you two really get to know every detail about each other honestly anyone would be jealous

Idk if it’s canon or not, but I picture Kunikida a great cook (not so good baker) too, so DUO COOKING

Baking with him is more complicated tho because he has absolutely zero clue what’s going on

He‘d probably even mess up half finished muffins (yk the ones were you only need to put in the eggs and oil and then the muffin mix? Yeah that one)

Kills the bugs for you <3

#Bsd #Bsd x reader #Bsd Match ups #Bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs matchup #headcanons #bungou stray dogs imagines #bsd imagines #Kunikida #kunikida doppo #kunikida x reader #kunikida doppo x reader #anime

21 notes · View notes

womansound · 1 year

Note

also nao and quinn, we're BUILDING THINGS tonight !!!!!!!!

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU…

* who’s the cuddler ? quinn! i think in general he’d be the more physically affectionate one, hanging off of nao and using them as his personal jungle gym. not that nao minds, obviously ! which is so dear to me !!! * who makes the bed ? im gonna say neither of them i’m sorry HKGJRNGR nao doesn’t really function like that, is of the mindset that at some point they’re going to be back in bed anyway, so what’s the point! * who wakes up first ? maybe nao ? it isn’t long though, just enough to get the coffee machine running before coming back to peck quinn awake :”) if they somehow manage to get up even earlier that’s a quick doodle of sleepy quinn in their sketchbook, i swear they’ve got a million of them at this point but whatever !! it’s their most recent favorite sight !! * who has the weird taste in music ? definitely quinn. nao’s music taste doesn’t diverge much beyond the same playlist of some 25 songs they put on when drawing, so quinn exposes them to all these different songs and genres and it’s kind of this whole new world they loveeee exploring ok !!! and they love exploring it with him !!!! * who is more protective ? quinn. nao says they’re strong and tough but haze and doie already beg to differ, what more quinn !! that is HIS baby thanks so much !! * who sings in the shower ? quinn. nao loves listening to it from the bedroom, or in the shower with him, or wherever. * who cries during movies ? nao is a WRECK each time! i think they’re a huge movie nut too so it’s so funny because they KNOW certain movies will make ‘em cry and yet continue to watch them anyway HBRKJNGRKLGR * who spends the most while out shopping ? nao lives to spoil their friends so i don’t think quinn would be any different! quinn mentions something offhandedly and nao just gets it for him without question, throws four of the same thing into their shopping cart before moving casually right along ! * who kisses more roughly ? nao, but mostly because it’s been a while since they’ve had someone hold/touch them like that ? but they’ve known from the beginning that they wanted to devour quinn alive, it’s not fair that someone is that pretty, they must do what they gotta do ! * who is more dominant ? quinn, but i feel like he’s gentle about it when he wants to be .. nao very much appreciates it though they like that in a man hehe ... 😌 * my rating of the ship from 1-10. LIKE SEVEN MILLIONNNNNNN ADA we’ve had them maybe 5 proper minutes and already im OBSESSED icb we DID IT AGAIN!

#{ 🤍 } ... 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 ... nao 𝐟𝐭 . quinn !#love them love them love them LOVE THEM #illctaffairs #the way i could go on forever as per ush

2 notes · View notes

sensitiveheartless · 2 years

Note

heLLO I AM AWARE that updates may not be real so dont worry thats not what im here to say. uh. luke skywalkee eaawait sorry its 4am. hello. i am a reader who is very devastated by your moving detective agency and i sleep rderprived. i just wanted you to know that chuuyas defense of the ring was very good and also the odasku reveal (and the way chuuya saved him because it was very BadAss) ryuu and kyouka are cool (I KNOW ITS ARTHUR. I KNOW IT. H.) xhuuyas interactiosn with the ada are heartwarming, you bring out the nostalgic sense of belonging from howls which is very slay. starlight, wow, cannot tell you how much this who cosmic theme is slowly tearing me apart ahaha. soukoku is weitten so well bc u have their dynamic down so well cause like, they keep making mistakes but in the end theyre working thru it for each other. u address their insecurities so well, keep slaying !!! alsp i think another reason why u wrote this so well is because its so full of love, like it fr gives howls moving castle vibes cause u got that sense of "we protect our own" and "youre one of us now" and idk like. its about belonging somewherr i think, and letting urself find happiness and i think u managed to carry that over into ur fic bc its so clear just how much you love these two/three worlds and it rlly shines in the small whimsical moments you give these characters to find joy in. idk. ur an author who loves this fic, its clear. ur fic is so underappreciated, a gem fr fr. im sorry for rambling :( but i rlly wnated u to know its ok if u dont answer tho !! should i be anonymous, okay ill eb anonymous but here have an alias because its 4am, im tired and shameless, like chuuya nakahara. (bites ur fic gently, cause its a precious thing, holds it between my teeth carefully.)

- 4AM

*holds ask gently* THANK YOU 4AM ANON this is so sweet oh my goodness aaaaaah I’m sorry about the sleep deprivation but I’m really happy you’ve enjoyed the fic so far!! And I’m really glad the vibes of howl’s moving castle are coming across—I do love the movie and the book so much(and bsd of course alskdjfj) and this fic is very dear to me :’D That belonging!! Yes!! And the protecting each other and allowing themselves to be cared for! That’s the vibe I want!!

honestly I’ve been really surprised by the response to this fic, people have been so supportive and lovely and I really appreciate it ;; Ah, and I know you said you weren’t asking for an update anon, but I do want to mention that my brain is finally recovered enough that I can write again and I have been making progress on the next chapter—so I’m hoping I’ll be able to post by next weekend! :D barring any other setbacks but yeah alskdjfj

#thanks again 4am anon!! I appreciate you! this was a really lovely ask to receive ;;#ask box #slight #howl au spoilers #howl’s moving castle au

15 notes · View notes

nismarun · 1 year

Text

BROTHER

2014.

Harun knew he had to start making his way to school as soon as the light came up. His sleep/wake schedule was thrown off totally when he moved to Jakarta, where he had to overcome the notorious traffic jams plaguing the city. This city is too busy for a fourteen year old boy.

This was the cause of the power that none have. Having no choice but to leave his friends in Surabaya, forced to adapt to new surroundings, despite Niskala's guarantees that, “It’s all the same, my dear. It’s Rumg’s Hall. Remember, you are The Rummage. The blood runs through your veins.”

“I know this school is uncle’s, but can I move to Jakarta after I graduate?”

“Obviously, love. But this is what your father wants.”

There were always options that Harun could have chosen, but he grew up to be a child who always had to accept what’s been decided. He had been taught that he was not permitted to think ahead to his own future happiness. To him, there was nothing left to do but study, grab hold some success, smile, and become a doctor.

Rather than God, it was Gregory who decided his fate.

“Where’s your smile?” When Harun came sluggishly down the stairs to leave for school, Niskala warned him.

“I’ll put it at school.”

“Papamu pergi tadi subuh, katanya ada operasi pasien VVIP.”

“As always.”

People are too complicated to be manipulated into feeling either love or hate. Even Harun didn’t know what he was feeling. He felt a twinge of sadness every morning when he realised he wouldn’t get to see Gregory’s face before class. But the fact that he didn’t have to hear reminders to study hard in science and mathematics was something for which he was grateful. He had conflicting emotions towards Gregory that he could never quite pin down.

“Also, he asked us to dinner outside.”

“Three of us?”

“Four.”

This was enough for Harun to ask who the other person his father was taking to dinner. At first, he assumed it was his uncle, who was also his schoolmaster. But it was all gone in a moment as Gregory popped up with a young man who he had seen his silhouette a few times at home.

“I’m sure you already met him, Harun.”

“Ko Cody.”

“Such a fast learner.”

Gregory and Niskala beam with happiness as they see their kid walk. So was Cody, who hidden his silly smile behind a beverage that would shortly be drank.

“Indeed, you should call him Koko since he is now your brother.”

Harun tried to process every word, every expression, everything.

“You won’t feel lonely when both of us are busy, My Dear.”

Harun glanced at Cody with enormous question marks in his eyes as Niskala tried to convince him with her gaze. How is this child, who grew up in an orphanage and benefited from Gregory’s decision to fund his whole medical education, become his brother?

The world is always working out of control, but Gregory appears to have everything under control. And maybe Niskala, too.

“Surprised?”

Perhaps it was more of a letdown for Harun. He may be too tiny for great things, but he believed that his presence was significant enough to be taken seriously in these affairs. This affects more than just Gregory, Niskala, and Cody’s life. It’s also his life.

“Hello again, Harun.” Cody smiled, like an older brother.

“Yes, Koko. Welcome.”

Tension began to take root between appetising dishes. A plate of sashimi salmon that Harun could normally finish on his own, now his stomach could receive only two slices.

Not that Harun hated Cody, he just felt it wasn’t time to re-adapt. He just didn’t think it was yet time to adjust. The “homelike” school was actually a courthouse full of bizarre interrogations.

Oh, you're the principal's nephew?

Will you be a doctor or a teacher?

And now, maybe he’ll accept another question as if two strangers had just met.

What do you like to eat?

You like movies?

I was wondering how school was going for you.

This was all expected of Harun, a 14-year-old, and he knew he wouldn't have the energy to answer Cody’s question. However, Cody is Cody. To bond with his new brother, he used his own ways.

“Rest up, Harun. I’m sure you’ve practised more than 10,000 hours in maths.”

Harun, who was busy with maths, immediately turned to Cody. The sight of him at home was still so foreign that it was unsettling to look at him. And, too, unable to make sense of Cody’s words.

“Chapter 2: The 10.000-Hour Rule.”

“You read, too?”

“I saw you read it everyday.”

“It’s just motivated me.”

The smile he had never shown to Cody seemed to show up for the first time in weeks after their official meeting as brothers. He never had someone to talk about books, even his parents often gave him new books, but they never asked him what he liked or what he read.

"What else do you read, Ko?"

Cody smiled. “A lot. I read several books at the same time.”

“Salah satunya?”

“An Ember in The Ashes.”

“It’s great..”

"I spotted it in your mini-library as well. We might have a similar interest."

Nismara Harun was too young to understand how the universe worked in such abstract words, full of shocks. Having an older brother at this age had never occurred to him. Not to mention Cody could fill the void left in him.

Cody’s life is just as hectic as his—and now, their—parents’ because they all work in the same field. Unlike Gregory and Niskala, though, Cody was willing to take part in Harun’s wildest imagination. Cody not only encouraged him to put his insanity into a book when nobody else did, but he also believed in him when no one else did.

Amartya Cody is the long-lost piece Harun had been looking for—a brother.

0 notes

dollsome-does-tumblr · 11 months

Text

some the gilded age 2.03 thoughts because why not!

re: aunt ada and reverend clam chowdah, i caught myself thinking "this is a m/f romance so cute and charming that it could somehow only be portrayed by a queer woman and a queer man" and then i remembered belatedly that RSL isn't (to my knowledge) queer, he was just in love with house for 10 years or whatever and it changed him irrevocably in my mind. anyway: i like this plotline.

every single servant scene is SO in downton mode, it's just hilarious to me. they ain't even trying to make it even remotely different! whoever that butler guy is (sorry, i haven't learned their names) was definitely serving some major mr carson energy by being horrified at the thought of joining a union.

that scene between peggy and her mom was so heartrending and sad; god, the contrast between "you go here and you're no longer a human" and all the dumbass rich people ~opera war~ stuff. also, i am lowkey in love with peggy's editor guy, he's so charming. does he HAVE to have a wife??? because i thought he and peggy were gonna fall in love! but also i don't want his poor wife to die or something! i am both excited and scared to see what's to come here!

BERTHA RUSSELL MY BELOVED CRYING!!! NO!!!!!!! (what a beautifully intense scene tho! and when he touched her arm and she walked away and she was cryingggg againnnn, nooooo!!!!) oh, george, you done messed up. you're supposed to tell her everything! you are PARTNERS! i do like that she's like "get me a duke and we'll talk." they were really keeping the business side of their marriage functioning well throughout that fight. i feel like there's a labor unions/marital union joke to be made about george but i can't find it. george, you're supposed to offset being a capitalist nightmare by being the world's dreamiest husband. chop chop! get ya woman that duke! (also, was that a george/bertha hug i saw in the promo? i hope so!)

i really want a gigantic pink bedroom with a chandelier. i can't get over it.

i really hope there's no infidelity re: the russells and instead it's just them and turner having an absolutely insane throwdown rivalry of pure nonsense. we don't NEED infidelity to make this plot bonkers. dear god, please let jfells have gotten that out of his system with robert & cora. (i'm still mad about robert macking on the god damn maid while cora was dying of spanish flu in the next room, for the record! i'll never let that one go!!!)

lol, oscar wilde was sure oscar wildeing about like mad. i loved how everyone was just like, "wow, this oscar wilde dude wrote a SHITTY play." damn, you guys! have mercy! i had to look it up on wikipedia just to learn more about this particular theatrical flop.

i am pretty sure people complain about marian but i find her really charming and pleasant and delightful. i just wanted to put that out there into the world.

i believe it because of the production values but also i can't believe this show is on hbo.

#dollsome's deep thoughts #the gilded age #the gilded age spoilers #tga spoilers

25 notes · View notes

padfootdaredmetoo · 2 years

Note

Hey 👋 I’m not too sure if your doing requests( if not completely ignore this it’s fine:)) but I was requesting a peaky blinders one-shot where reader is like an orphan and lives in an orphanage and tommy the philanthropist he is goes down to the orphanage with Polly,John,Arthur,and Ada and whoever else you want and they see reader going at it with on of the sisters. You could choose the conflict or their argument but yeah, if you could draw the reader as someone who’s quick and sarcastic with their words like a speak before thinking type of person you know. Also can this be like a tommy Shelby x daughter!reader kinda like a found family kind of trope. Sweet kisses love your stories❤️

Dear Anon,

I hope this does it justice!! I changed a few things because I felt like it fit the story better (I hope that's alright) but there is lots of family stuff. And lots of Lizzie and Tommy - not something I have ever written before so hopefully that's also alright. Sweet kisses back to you love, thank you for this wonderful idea!!!

Warnings: peaky type stuff, religious language? Implied that a priest was going to assault the reader, bad words, not descriptive death of parents, mentioned death of a baby, grief, so much sweetness and hurt comfort and hopefully laughs. I promise it's not as dark or sad as it sounds. Also some Grace bashing / group hate.

Word count: 6606 - may have gotten carried away...

Part 2

Tommy watched Lizzie closely as they approached the large building. According to his sources it housed around a hundred and fifty children, the building was large but it didn't seem that large.

It was gray and rainy, much like every day. The dark dampness didn’t bother him as it had seeped into his bones and made a home long ago. At this point, he was convinced that the sunlight would simply cause him to turn to ashes if it ever reached his skin.

Lizzie looked nervous but that was expected, he felt beyond nervous. Suddenly hoping she would change her mind altogether. Children were overrated, he would know having raised Finn and half of John's kids. But after her she lost the baby, he would do anything to bring some happiness to her. He knew he wasn't the best husband, but he was trying to do better every day.

Walking up the steps a voice in his mind started to remind him that he would only be bringing this baby into a world of danger and horror. Only going to ruin them so no God would allow them refuge. He pushed them down as best he could, reaching out to hold Lizzie’s hand. She looked taken back at the gesture, another thing wrong with them. Wrong with the situation.

They were escorted in to look at the babies. They were just as expected, plump, cute, and small. Tommy tried not to look at them too close, no point in getting attached. Lizzie would pick a baby, and he would attempt to be a good father.

He hated that he knew what it felt like to reach out for parents that were not there to hold you. He was sulking when a commotion caught his attention.

“For Fucks sakes woman! ” A girl shouted.

“You listen here. Father Stryker is a noble member of this community and organization. You will do what he asks of you.” A woman responded in a cold tone.

“We both know that’s not what God would want you old bat.” The girl snapped back and he held back a smile.

“Now you listen here, we do not know what God wants, that’s not our place. He has a way -”

“No, he sure as hell doesn't. God would NEVER.” The girl demanded. “I thought God was in all of us, and GOD doesn't want me to be alone with him. In fact, I would say he’s overcome with passion about the issue. It would be a sin for me to ignore his protests.”

“I will not tolerate such language, you foul girl!” The sound of a slap was dealt out. Tommy felt an odd feeling of unease about the situation.

“You let this happen! You. And you will BURN FOR IT. Mark my words, you will suffer an eternity for his sins. There are no amount of crosses under the sun for Jesus to croak on that would make up for your grotesque choices you evil witch.” The girl's voice was pure venom, and Tommy was overcome with an urge to protect the girl. What type of place were they running here?

“I want her,” Lizzie said clearly standing next to him looking at the Sister that was showing them around.

“Sorry Mrs. Shelby ?” She asked looking for clarification.

“The girl in the hall.” He looked at Lizzie landing her eyes on a girl that must have been about 15 standing off with the nun in the hallway. Her face was beet red, making her blue eyes seem extraordinarily bright in contrast, her fists clenched ready for a fight of any size. That girl did not care what happened, she wasn't going to back down.

“Ah, are you sure? She’s quite temperamental.” She responded looking embarrassed.

“Excellent, I’ve never seen anyone look so much like my husband,” Lizzie said with a smirk on her face.

“We’ll take her. And I’d like a word with management.” He asserted firmly. This was not the sort of thing he could look the other way on, plus it would only further the family image. Win-win.

______________________________

Another sister came into the hallway.

“Sister Margret, she has been requested by a family.” She said quickly.

You were positive this must be some type of trap. But a tall angular woman moved into the hallway. She looked like someone from a painting, impossibly pretty, elegant, clothes worth a small fortune. This was impossible.

The sister grabbed your arm and pulled you away from that bitch. Far away from the classroom you were terrified of.

The lady looked you up and down and removed the sister's hand from your arm. She shot her a warning look and the sister apologized. Whoever this woman was, she meant business.

“I’m Lizzie, Lizzie Shelby.” She said in a voice that belonged on a stage. You introduced yourself feeling embarrassed.

“We’d like to take you home if you're alright with that.” She asked holding her arm out. Normally you didn’t like being touched for any reason, but being escorted out of the place was a good enough reason for you to make an exception.

You looped your arm in hers and she strode out of the place with her head held high.

“The Paperwork -” The sister called out

“Get my husband to deal with it.” She called back, her voice dripping with power. You accompanied her into a very expensive car. You sat in the back seat beside her and watched her take in your appearance as if it had changed being in the natural light.

“Do you read?” She asked you lighting a cigarette.

“I had a tutor before my parents died.”

“How did they pass?”

“Car accident.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

“We’ll expect you to go to school.”

“You’d be a shit parent if you didn't.” You mentally kicked yourself. “Sorry I -didn't” You were stumbling over an apology as the door opened and a man got into the driver's seat.

“That’s my husband. Thomas.”

“Hello,” You said feeling completely deflated. “It’s nice to meet you, both of you, It’s nice.” You couldn't remember a time being so embarrassed. You wished that they would just run you over with their expensive tires. There were just too many emotions in such a short period.

An hour ago a priest was forcing himself on you, telling you God would never allow you to get adopted, and here you were making a fool out of yourself with your new parents.

That phrase stung so bad you visually imagined pushing it from your mind.

“Did you sort the paperwork?” Lizzie asked in a frosty tone that made you wonder what their relationship problems were like.

“That and a few other things.” He responded in a tone you assumed only ghosts were capable of.

“Like what?” She said looking out the window with resentment.

“Taking the place over.” He responded easily. As if it was no big deal, like spending money on petrol for the car.

“What do you mean?” This caught her off guard and you watched a bit of hopefulness come to life in her eyes.

“Saw things.” He hesitated, obviously aware of your presence in the car. “That I didn’t think God would approve of.” You caught a slight smirk on his face in the mirror. His eyes told you it was easier to poke fun at the situation.

Lizzie hummed in approval, and even though you’d only known them a few minutes it felt like progress.

_______

They wanted to give you a few days to settle in before introducing you to the whole family. Something you saw as a bit of a red flag. The house was massive, but it was clean and quiet. Both a blessing and a curse. You were too shy to ask for something to do or go explore. Your bedroom was unbelievably beautiful, and warm.

There was a knock on the door that caused you to jump.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come in?” Lizzie’s voice rang through the door.

“Of course” You responded stiffly. She came in and smiled at you, she pointed to your bed but you didn't understand what she was looking at. Should you not have been laying on it during the day?

“Is it alright if I sit?” She asked you and you realized that’s what she meant.

“Yes!” You sat up straight feeling like an idiot once again. You’d had to sit through two dinners each equally painful due to your rambling.

“How are you settling in?” She asked kindly.

“Um, fine. It’s nice. I love my room.”

“What do you get up to in here?” She looked around with a frown.

“Mostly sitting and thinking.” You responded blandly.

“Are you sure I can’t take you shopping for anything?” She’d asked at least three times, and you felt horrible imposing on them further.

“I don't want to bother you.” You finally broke. She let out a strange laugh.

“Bother me. All the time. Big stuff little stuff, doesn't matter.” She picked a piece of lint off of your bedspread. “Plus kids cost money you know. That’s no one's fault, so don’t carry it like a burden.”

Your eyes stung with tears. That was not the narrative you had grown up with parents or none. You’d always been acutely aware of the burden your existence placed on people. Her words made you feel like you were special, not something your parents could give you. This brought on a very large mix of feelings.

“Don’t cry, really all this is-” Her face appeared displeased with your reaction and it only made your hurt more.

“Normal. Not for me, it’s not. If you wanted a kid that was used to this you should have had one yourself.” the words flew out of your mouth and she was up and out of the room before you could try to apologize. You felt so much worse, you wanted to pull out all your hair trying to make it stop.

You stopped trying to hold the tears back and got up off your bed to apologize. An embarrassing apology was better than them shipping you back.

You followed the sound of her soft crying sounds. Through a door that was slightly ajar. It was a beautiful nursery. They had tried to have their little spoilt children, the guilt only became worse.

You locked eyes with her and decided the truth was always best.

“You treat me better than my parents. But they're dead and it hurts. I don't want to bother you both, it's already some kind of miracle that I got adopted at this age, I don't want to push my luck. Or live through you getting bored of me and then tossing me aside.”

For a moment you thought she was going to shout at you. But she just nodded in understanding. You both were crying, so why not try to risk a hug. You got down on the sheep skin rug next to her and hugged her.

Her grief wrapped around you with her slender arms. She pushed your face against her chest and kissed the top of your head. You didn't understand, but the hurt in her felt a lot like the hurt inside of you. So you leaned into the feeling crying just as hard.

“I lost her. She was born and - nothing anyone could do about it.” She said after a long while. The thought made your heart break all over again. “They told me I couldn't have kids. Spent years avoiding it like it was the plague and now, God it hurts.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry for you too. My dad left before I was born, mother passed when I was 13. Prostitute till I was twenty.” She let out a sad laugh. “This life.” She motioned to the house with her arm. “Is not the life I came from and my husband doesn't have much. But he has money, so don’t ever feel bad for spending it.” You looked up at her in shock. There was no way she was telling the truth. She looked like she belonged in a palace like you wanted to trust her with the whole world. So elegant, kind eyes.

“We’re the same then” you whispered.

“Absolutely not! If you become a prostitute I will have officially become the worst mother in history.” She said causing you both to laugh.

“I’m not good with people.” You joked along. Tommy pushed the door open and you stiffened slightly. No matter how you tried to calm down, he made you uneasy. Like he would be impossible to please or get to know.

“It’s not a whore house?” He said with a confused look having caught the end of the conversation. You’d never seen a man look more confused as the both of you were tear-soaked holding each other on the floor.

“Not anymore it's not.” Lizzie quipped causing him to almost smile. You wondered what made him so stuck up.

“Good lord, how did you guys make all this money again?” You asked cheekily, causing Lizzie to laugh.

“Just you wait.” She said lightly, but you couldn't help but know already that it was not God’s work that placed them here.

“Come down for lunch?” he asked you both, still slightly put off by the situation.

“Yes” she wiped her cheeks with the back of her hands, you watched her walls of composure surround her once again.

“Come on. Let’s see how much trouble we can get in before supper.” She said helping you up.

_____________________________

You stopped by to pick up people on the way to the shops.

“We’ll get Esme first. She’s John’s wife. Tommy’s younger brother - he made a deal with the Lee family - a bunch of gypsies - Tommy needed men, and she needed a husband. Technically I almost married John. It was a complicated time. But they both get along like a house on fire. She holds him down pretty good, probably the only reason he’s still alive.” You listened as she drove you through the countryside. “Then we’ll get Polly. She’s Tommy’s Aunt. She probably goes up against him the most. She’s some kind of Gypsy royalty, a very peculiar woman, but she means well. Hated Tommy’s first wife Grace. Well, we all hated Grace. Us women tend to stick together. We have to put up a good front against the boys or they raise hell like nothing else.”

“You’re all gangsters then?” You asked her catching her slightly off guard.

“Technically he’s a gangster turned politician. But trust me having been on the receiving end of both there really isn't a difference.”

You blushed at her words and tried to hold your tongue.

“I shouldn't have said that last part.” She flicked her cigarette case open and lit one up. “Forget I said that.” but you started laughing. You pulled up to a country-style house, chickens squawking loudly at the car engine.

“Oi! That is not a baby!” A woman with wild curly hair approached the car. She slid into the backseat and you felt awkward sitting in the front. You looked at her looking you over. “Total babe, but not a baby.” She said with wide eyes in disbelief.

“She’s fifteen,” Lizzie responded looking at you like you were a brand new car.

“Good lord. Going to have to beat the boys off of her. She’s pretty like you.”

You blushed heavily at her words unsure of what to do with the attention.

“Eh, as long as we keep her close I think we’ll manage just fine.” Lizzie smiled and turned the car around.

“I’m Esme, I’m sure Lizzie caught you up to speed.” She lit a cigarette and smiled at you as you introduced yourself. She asked you lots of questions, about how you liked the place.

“It’s cold. You can say it, love.” Esme blurted out. “It’s a monument to Grace. Should have been burnt down the second she left us.” You could tell this was a part of the stormy ocean of problems that rested between your adopted parents. You put that piece of knowledge into your back pocket. You pulled up to a stylish-looking complex and a woman in a black suit and sunglasses approached the car.

“I was going to offer to babysit for you when you need a rest - but by the looks of it I’ll be asking you for help, love.”

“How many kids do you have?” You asked while you waited.

“Too fuckin’ many,” Polly responded climbing into the back seat. “I thought you asked Tommy for a baby, not a miniature replica of yourself?”

“Come off it Pol,” Lizzie said starting the car.

“I’m serious, I thought I was seein’ a bloody ghost. I’ve known you since you were the size of a potato, when I say she looks just like ya, I fuckin’ mean it.”

You looked at Lizzie and wished you looked even a fraction of how beautiful she was.

“How's he managing with this then? He was always good with the kids when they were little but I can’t imagine he’d know what to do with her.” Polly said stealing Esme’s cigarette.

“Eh, like everything else, he’s adjusting.” Everyone seemed to find this funny.

“You look at me, that boy gives you any trouble you call me alright. I’ll set him straight.” She was strong like Thomas but soft like Lizzie, and something distinctly her own. You could tell she was in charge.

“Thank you.” You said sheepishly unsure of what else to say.

“You're welcome, love,” She said kindly.

Shopping was a lot. You cried on the way home and they had a unique way of comforting you while also making fun of you, making you laugh. Once you started laughing with them it seemed impossible to stop. You assumed that you would all pile into the sitting room, but instead, you piled into the kitchen, which quickly became your favorite space in the house. A large wooden table surrounded by something that felt so perfectly warm. Grace clearly didn’t touch this space much.

They poured you cranberry juice and set into a bottle of whiskey. The jokes got worse as the night progressed and for once your sharp tongue and misplaced comments brought a great deal of joy.

“Where did you find this girl!” Esme said between laughs

“Fighting off a Nun in a hallway,” Lizzie replied still laughing from the joke before. Tommy and you assumed his brothers appeared in the doorway.

“Wow, Looks like you Lizzie, but with Tom’s eyes” John said, or you thought it was him because he went to stand behind Esme and she looked up at him in a way you hadn't seen before.

“And his mouth.” Esme quipped and you hoped it was a compliment. He reached across the table to shake your hand.

“John”

“It’s nice to meet you” You introduced your self. Arthur came and gave you a crushing hug.

“They got you out numbered now brother.” He joked letting you go to pour himself a glass of whiskey.

Tommy gave you a tense look, like he was worried about something. He took the seat next to you puting space between you and the boys.

“Might be enough women to put some life back into this place.” Polly said with twinkling eyes.

“I’ll try my best.” You responded quickly seeing that Tommy didn’t seem happy.

He stuck close to your side, sliding glasses of Whiskey away from you as the boys started drinking. His youngest brother was only a few years older than you, and he showed up with a bunch more men that introduced themselves politely before joining into the savagery.

You scooted your self along the bench to sit closer to Tommy not knowing the others well enough to want to sit as close.

“Thank you, Lord, for blessing us with such a wonderful girl! May she shine bright for us in these dark times. To the newest Shelby!” Arthur’s voice boomed and your face turned bright red. Everyone finished a drink, but you caught Lizzie and Tommy sharing a look.

Tommy put his arm around and you were grateful to have something to lean into with all the commotion. They were the loudest and rudest, most funny group of people you’d ever seen.

“Think it’s time for bed, eh?” He asked you quietly and you nodded.

“Alright! Clear out you lot. She’s got to get to bed. We can have a proper dinner tomorrow night!” Tommy called out causing a few groans.

“But we just got here!” Finn mumbled.

Everyone said their goodbyes and goodnights to you moving out of the kitchen. Polly placed a kiss to your forehead. She said something in a different language, to which Tommy responded with a sharp nodd.

Once everyone had piled out the front door, they took you up to your room. You hit the bed feeling more tired than you could ever remember.

_________________________________________

You slowly became more at ease around Tommy. Sitting alone at the table didn’t frighten you nearly as much. You heard him shout at people occasionally and that made you determined to keep your distance.

It wasn't until Lizzie stayed away for a night getting stuck at Esme’s due to a storm. You assured her that you ate dinner and that everything was fine. In reality, you'd been sitting by the front window praying for her to come back. You hated storms and you’d just trusted that she’d be there and know what to do about it.

Eventually you decided to retreat to your room to avoid any conflict.

“Goodnight.” You poked your head into his study.

“Night, love.” He responded kindly looking up from his papers. You thought about bothering him for a moment, telling him that you were scared. You decided to slip up to your bedroom instead. Girls your age didn't get scared of these types of things.

Without Lizzie, there was an impending sense of doom about the place. Like there was pressure pushing down on you. Listening to things creak and shift, you had an idea that maybe without Lizzie here Grace’s ghost would try to snatch you up.

Laying there listening to the storm and the house, your mind cooked up a story of revenge. Grace would kill you to get back at Lizzie for stealing her mourning husband. Maybe that’s why Lizzie’s baby wasn't born right. Your heart started to race as your stomach twisted.

There must have been some deeper story, Lizzie always seemed like she was very hurt by Grace, despite having come into Tommy’s life after. But Polly’s known Lizzie since she was a baby….

Questions were swirling in your mind non stop trying to make sense of it all. Your door made a horrid sscreeching sound and you let out a scream in response, pulling the blankets up above your head.

“LEAVE ME ALONE GRACE.” You shouted hoping that it was enough that you could see it was her this whole time. She’d be deterred by your cleverness and the quilt Polly had made you.

The quilt was tugged away from your face and you balled your fists ready to fight her off. However you looked up at Tommy’s horrified face instead.

“I don’t do well with storms” You blurted out hoping that would make it better. You both looked at eachother for a moment.

“Let’s make some tea.” He said firmly. You knew that you’d fucked up and the last thing you wanted to do was have tea over the situation. You got up and he pulled your quilt around you, keeping his hand on your shoulder as you moved down the stair case.

You watched him light a fire in the kitchen and grab two glasses and fill them with whiskey.

He passed one to you and sat across from you, he took off his glasses and placed them on the table.

“Why do you think my first wife is out to get you?” He cut right to the chase.

“I got scared of the storm, and Lizzie is trapped, Grace- it’d be the perfect opportunity to get revenge on Lizzie for stealing her mourning husband.” You rushed the words out wishing you were dead. Tommy actually chuckled.

“That’s the story you’d been told then?”

“No, just the one that made sense.”

“How so?” He took a sip of whiskey.

“Everyone says this place is some kind of shrine for her, Lizzie hates it. Hates her, why exactly, I’m not sure but I know it’s because she’s hurt.”

“Lizzie is hurt by Grace?” He asked with a wrinkled brow, you didn't think he was capable of such emotions.

“That’s obvious.” You said sadly. He made a humming noise.

“I didn’t intend to marry Lizzie. She got pregnant and I married her.” He answered easily, suddenly you were very angry at him. Happy he did right by her and married her but -

“Doesn’t mean she hasn’t always loved you.” You argued.

“Is that so?”

“Obviously. Have you ever looked at her? This place, the family, everything, me. Obviously.” You were dumbfounded. How on earth could someone so smart and sharp be so daft. “She puts up with a lot of shit around here. Not once has she ever mentioned leaving or hating you.”

“Perhaps I should talk to her about it.”

“You’d better. Everywhere we go men look at her.” You said trying to scare him into doing the right thing.

“I’m sure they do, she’s a pretty woman.” He answered tensly. Suddenly you started to worry that maybe he wont ever love her, and if that was the case he would certainly never learn to love you. Panic started to wash over you.

“Do you want to watch the storm then?”

“How?” You answered even more uneasy. He got up and you followed him through to the dark sitting room. He pulled the curtains open adding the slitghtest bit of light to the room. You helped him turn the couch around to face the big window.

You watched him pour more wiskey and sit down motioning for you to do the same. Wrapped in Polly’s quilt you sat next to him and he put his arm around your shoulders.

“The only way to stop being scared is to face the thing that scares you.” He explained easily. He held you close to his side as you watched the dark figures of trees swaying violently. The lightening causing you to jump. Eventually things calmed down but you found yourself wishing that it would continue on so you could spend more time sitting like this. He just sat with you tucked into his side sipping his whiskey.

“ I do care for you and Lizzie. More than anything.” He kissed the top of your head. “Things in the past weren't always easy or safe. Keeping her at arm's length seemed like the best way to keep her from ending up like Grace.”

You listened to his voice in the dark, feelingthe pain in his words.

“However, I would hate for her to leave me for a man at the shops.” He said lightly and you snorted.

“Sorry for overstepping - I didn’t mean that she looked back at them”

“S’alright.” He answered easily. Suddenly you saw headlights coming up the drive. You felt his body tense. “Hide behind the desk,” he said seriously. He grabbed a gun hidden in the paneling on the wall. You could hear the door open and to your relief, you heard Lizzie’s voice.

“Fuck sake, Thomas! A gun! Scared the bloody life out of me!” She started to scold him but suddenly she stopped. “Are you alright? Where is she?! I knew something was wrong! Where-” her voice was muffled and you assumed it was because he was holding her.

“She’s fine, in the sitting room” He answered calmly.

“The sitting room at this hour!”

You got up and moved back to the couch hoping that they might sit with you a while longer before going up to bed.

“Why is the couch the wrong way?” She asked sitting down pulling you against her. “Miss me enough to sit up at the window like a couple of dogs.”

“Something like that.” You said enjoying the way she held you tightly. Tommy came to sit down on the other side of you. His arm came across your shoulders pulling Lizzie towards you slightly.

“Did you give her whiskey? She smells like distillery.”

“One glass to calm her nerves, won’t hurt her any.” You felt him reach over you to kiss the top of her head.

“Alright. But don’t you go turning into your father.” She said sternly causing you to laugh.

You sat for a while with the them till eventually the gray sky started to brighten with the sun of the next day.

“Let’s get to bed. We can all get in a nap before the day starts.” Tommy said. Lizzie followed you through to your room to help you into bed and make sure you were okay. After you were settled you heard them talking down the hall and hoped that he was ready to face his fears.

The next day you all had breakfast around noon in the kitchen. Lizzie and Tommy seemed in better spirits, might have had something to do with the marks on her neck, but you hoped he’d talked to her about the situation.

After that night things were noticeably different. You went to school and tried to get along with the other kids, your marks were not great, leading to long nights in the kitchen studying extra with various family members. Esme was the best person to sit with, having learned maths and reading from her mother. She knew how to encourage you without stressing you out.

Tommy on the other hand would look over the material and already look stressed. He always tried to keep his temper in check, but it was unbearable feeling him be frustrated with you. Eventually he caught on that you did worse with him there because of the added pressure, he learned to just sit next to you and work on his problems and offer you help when you needed it.

It took a lot of struggling but eventually you were caught up and getting good marks.

Things were going well till some old business needed to be handled. Tommy was to go away for two weeks, something that seemed to crush Lizzie.

To her surprise he called her everynight. You’d watch her sitting on kitchen counter talking and occasionally laughing. Then he’d talk to you about school and the weather, telling you that he missed you. That was when you realised that something must be very wrong. He was clearly in a great deal of danger where ever he was. Polly came to stay at the house with Arthur, you enjoyed having them around but it only confirmed your suspicion. Everyone seemd it was best to keep you in the dark on the whole thing.

When he came back he was very different. Somebody, or some people, were most certainly dead. A great relief fell over the family and something was different about him. He had a smile on his face when she rushed to the door to greet him. You watched how they held eachother and thought back to when you’d first met them. Things were very different. You eventually butted into the hug feeling left out.

______________

Extra Blurb.

Eventually the unthinkable happened. The boy you had your eye on at school asked you out. Not knowing what to do or what the rules are you decided to get some more information on him make sure he was worth the risk of asking.

Finn laughed at you.

“Not from the best family. But not a rival either, Tommy’s sure to have a fit, and Lizzie, I’m not sure. All in all, I don't mind the guy, you might be better off not telling them.” He said looking out the stained glass window of the Garrison. “If he gives you a hard time, come see me yeah? Don’t let him take you out of Small Heath” He looked at you seriously.

“Sure thing.” You said getting up. You shouted a thank you over your shoulder rushing out of the pub.

You thought long and hard about the situation. He made you laugh, didnt seem to care to much about your last name or who your dad was. Didn’t care that you were adopted. He was very polite, but enjoyed your peculiar sense of humor and misplaced words.

You thought about turning him down. It was too complicated and anything that would upset your parents was too much of a burden. Thinking of what you would say to him, your heart gave a painful wrench.

You went downstairs towards Tommy’s study. God this boy better be worth it or you’d put him in the ground.

You poked your head in to see him writing and Lizzie sitting on the sofa reading a magazine.

“Erm - So.” You started and watched them both look up at you.

“What are you wearing?” Lizzie said smiling at your dress.

“Go upstairs and change” Tommy cut you off before you could respond.

“Theres a boy -” You watched his face fall into his hands. “And he’s picking me up in a half hour if that’s allowed.” You fumbled with your words, wanting them to say yes badly.

“What boy” They said at the same time, giving eachother a glare.

“Noah Solomons. I met him at school.” you responded expecting an explosion.

“No. absolutley not. No way on earth am I sending you anywhere with him.”

“Finn said he’s alright.” You started by stopped once he let out a sigh.

“Finn! Fucking bastard.” He pinnched the bridge of his nose.

“Where is he taking you then?” Lizzie asked

“Just around Small Heath for dinner. I told him that I can’t be out late.” Your face got red and you looked out the window.

“Put on a longer dress. The purple one, and put your hair up -”

“Tommy! Don’t make her wear the purple one” Lizzie started to argue but stopped once she saw the look on his face. Her eyes narrowed back at him.

“How bout I wear the red one -”

“The black one is fine” They both answered suddently.

“Just put on a cardigan,” Lizzie said getting up. “I have a nice one upstairs.” You followed her up to her bedroom. She pulled out a nice cardigan and some less opaque stockings. After you’d changed you looked yourself over, more modest, but that wasn't a bad thing. Especially if it got Tommy’s blood pressure back down. Lizzie got your hair up and you were grateful for her help.

“Do you think dad will let me go?” You asked as she fixed your make up.

“Dont think he can stop you. But, we’ve done business with his father. I think he’s worried this is apart of some elaborate plan.”

“I don’t think so, but I’ll keep an eye on him” You were even more nervous now. Lizzie gave you lots of advice and you felt bad making her this worried. When you walked down stairs you could see Tommy talking to Noah at the door.

You loved the way his face lit up when his eyes landed on you, he looked at you like you were the most beautiful thing in the world. You watched the front door swing shut, keeping him on the other side.

“No.” He said firmly looking at Lizzie.

“Going to have to let her find her own way sometimes.”

“No I don’t. Not with boys, not dressed like that.” He responded angrily.

“Look, I told Finn where we are going, he said him and Isaiah would be around to keep an eye out. I’ve known him for the past two school years. I - please” You looked up at him in what you hoped were puppy dog eyes. You saw the conflict rage in his eyes.

“Fine.” He sighed in defeat. “But you don’t like something, anything, you call me from the restaurant and -” You cut him off with a big hug.

“I won’t be out too late. Love ya” You said flying out the door before he could change his mind.

He kissed you on the cheek on the door step, promising to take you out again next weekend. After saying goodnight you watched as he drove down the drive way before opening the front door.

You were surprised at how quiet it was. You slipped your shoes off and followed the lamp light into the sitting room. Much like the day with the storm, they sat on the sofa turned around to face the large window. You moved towards them to see your dad looking beyond relieved, and mum asleep on his lap.

“So how was it then?” He asked you handing you the last bit of whiskey in his glass. You sat down next to him, watching him look you over for anything out of place.

“Felt a bit like the Queen to be honest. More Blinders than people in that restaurant. Not to mention people watching from their windows.” You gave him a look as he started out the window. “But he was nice. I -He is nice, I enjoyed myself”

“Just for food then straight back?”

“You already know that’s what happened. Can you help me get the pins out of my hair?” You turned away from him and felt him struggle to find them, pulling slightly too hard.

“What? No, this is my job hands off.” Lizzie said groggily. “What did I miss? Tell me everything.” You felt the two of them shift and Lizzie's expert hands start bringing your hair down. By the time she’d gotten it brushed Polly and Esme had showed up for a full debrief in the kitchen.

You were giggling like mad for hours with them, hearing their stories about past lovers. Some sweet, other cautionary. Eventually it was time for bed and you stopped into Tommy’s office before going to wash up.

“Dad.” He gave you a shocked look then you realised what you had said. You didnt feel like apologizing though, too tired to make a big deal of it. You leaned over and gave him a hug. “Thanks for letting me go tonight.” You felt his arms wrap around you tightly.

“I don't like it, and there will be lots to talk about tomorrow. But I'm happy that you're happy.” You kissed his cheek then headed up to bed. You knew that he’d probably already called Noah’s father, a tense conversation awaited you, but you had no doubt it was because he loved you.

@kpopgirlbtssvt

Tags List: Feel free to send a request or message to be added.

928 notes · View notes