#also assigned female at birth problems

[cwahsohnt]

Point: "You're just upset with that because you're on your period."

Counterpoint: I'm always upset with that. I'm just dealing with so much other shit on top of normal life problems when I'm on my period that I don't have the energy to ignore your bullshit like I usually do.

[azuremist]

TME and TMA as intersexist terms: as written by an intersex transfem

I’ve had a few different people in my inbox asking me why I view these terms the way I do. In particular, why I claim it’s intersexist. So, I thought I’d lay out a few examples, so everyone can understand where I’m coming from.

Imagine an intersex woman. She was assigned female at birth by her doctors, and was able to go about her childhood as a woman with no inclination that anything was amiss. Sure, she didn’t experience certain parts of puberty, but puberty was different for everyone, right?

But, later in life, she learns she has Turner syndrome. This is an intersex condition where a woman has only one X chromosome, rather than the usual two.

Soon after she learns this, she finds that laws are being made to attempt to keep trans women out of women’s spaces (often specifically sports) which use chromosomes as a defining factor of womanhood.

Would this intersex person be considered “transmisogyny affected”? She has been raised as a cisgender woman with no problems regarding being ‘clocked’, but she is also a direct target of transmisogynistic laws. She lies in a gray area.

Now, let’s go to another intersex person. Imagine an intersex man with PAIS. AIS is an intersex condition where babies are born with testes and XY chromosomes, but their body is immune to or can’t respond to androgens (which includes testosterone). Intersex people with partial AIS (PAIS) often develop a vulva and clitoris during puberty.

This intersex person identifies as a man, and he was assigned male at birth. However, his body does not produce testosterone, and he went through a feminizing puberty. To the average eye, he appears to be a woman now because of this.

Would this intersex person be considered “transmisogyny affected?” He was assigned male at birth, and now appears to be a woman, much like many transfems. However, if many saw how he looks now, stating that he is a male, they would probably clock him as transmasc. He was raised as a boy until puberty, and then faced astrozcization from his peers when he began a puberty that feminized him. What he was facing was a form of intersexism where transmisogyny was playing a huge part. Does his childhood matter? Can one become TME over time, when they were TMA as a child? Again, he lies in a gray area, where the answer is not quite so simple.

What about the “opposite”, per se — an intersex woman who had a masculinizing puberty? She has aromatase deficiency, which means that many ‘male’ hormones (which would usually be converted to ‘female’ hormones) would remain unconverted. She identifies as a woman, and was identified as a female at birth and was raised, until puberty, as a female. But now, she would be clocked as a trans woman upon looking at her. What does that make her? Is it different from the previous example? How and why? This intersex person also lies in a gray area. How she should be described with these terms is not clear.

And keep in mind, these are all relatively simple examples. All of the examples I listed self-identify as cisgender. But there are intersex people who are trans in any direction you can imagine.

If that last example identified as a trans woman, because she is now clocked as one, would you be able to say she’s wrong for that? What about if she identified as transmasculine, because of her experience with puberty? What if she’s multigender, bigender or genderfluid, and says she’s both transmasc and transfem because of her complicated experiences? Would that make her a TMA transmasculine person? But I thought that transmascs were all TME? That’s how it’s so often framed, anyway.

The reason why these questions are so difficult to answer is because these terms were not made with intersex people in mind. Very real intersex transfems were pushed to the wayside in favor of centering the perisex view of transgenderism. Intersex people are nothing but an inconvenient little afterthought, annoying perisex people with their demand for “inclusion” and “consideration”. (As per usual.)

You cannot simply make a new gender binary and say, “No, really, this time everyone fits into these two categories! Forcing people to confine themselves to these two rigid labels which are shown as opposites, and as never interacting, will definitely include everyone this time!!” No matter what the contents of the new binary is, it’s not going to work, because sex and gender alike are too complicated for that. There will always be people in the gray area.

This isn’t even getting into the fact that these terms, for all intents and purposes, seem to have been popularized by and associated with the Baeddelism movement around 2017, which was essentially “Radical Feminism 2: We’re Trans Women, So It’s Fine!” This movement is known for chronic villainization of trans men and non-binary people who aren’t transfem. (They act like this with cis people too, but noticeably less so than they do with non-transfem trans people. How curious.) Think along the lines of how regular radfems treat all men (and who they deem to be men) as inherently morally disgusting scum who deserve to be attacked.

Methinks that maybe these terms aren’t the neutral, fact-based descriptors of oppression that many people nowadays tout them to be, considering that.

So, yeah. “Transmisogyny exempt” and “transmisogyny affected” as terms: not even once. Listen to intersex people, stop trying to make sex and gender into binaries, and for the love of God, stop drinking the queer seperationist koolaid!

[katrafiy]

Hiya tumblr! Let's have a talk about bioessentialist enbyphobia, transmisogyny, and how to make sure transfeminine people, enby or not, feel completely unsafe and unwelcome at your events. First take a look at this group description, and then lets get into it.

First some context. Those of you who know me know about the kinds of clubs I go to. This screenshot was taken from a local event page, and I've blocked out their name because in the months since this event was hosted the group has updated their description to be more inclusive.

Seeing that description, I avoided going to events hosted by that group.

"But Kat, why? You're a woman and it says women are allowed!"

It also implicitly lumps all nonbinary people who were assigned male at birth with men and calls them males.

So why is this a problem for me? Well, if this group sees all AMAB nonbinary people as "male" then it says a lot of things about the ways the see trans women.

Many, and I would venture to assume most, trans women know well the feeling of our womanhood treated as conditional, subject to immediate revocation without warning.

Spaces that are "Women and AFAB exclusive" are often rife with this, and often lead to a lot of really gross and abusive power dynamics where transfems get treated as second class to anyone who was assigned female at birth.

(Side note: Gretchen Felker-Martin did, I believe, a masterful job of portraying this sort of dynamic in her book Manhunt)

If you are a trans woman in one of these spaces, you quickly learn that you are on the thinnest of ice.

Laugh a little too loud? You're male.

Sit or stand a little too close? You're threatening.

Smile at the wrong person? You're making other people uncomfortable.

Transfems, in these spaces, quickly learn that standing up for ourselves in the face of flagrant abuse is verboten, and will be met with swift and decisive punishment and exile.

I personally don't like the word "theyfab" and don't use it. I'm writing this thread to hopefully help people better understand the social dynamics that were being addressed when that term was coined.

It was coined because transfems are forced to navigate a community of things like "afab only" apartment rentals.

It was coined because transfems constantly have to listen to other trans people implicitly describe us as disgusting, hideous freaks.

In short and in closing: consider that the reason why the term "theyfab" exists and "theymab" really doesn't probably lies somewhere in the fact that the sort of person who would call someone a "theymab" doesn't need to, because they *already* just call AMAB trans people "male".

[crossdreamers]

Soccer superstar Megan Rapinoe expresses strong support for transgender athletes

In a recent Time cover story interview, Megan Rapinoe said  that she “absolutely” would accept a trans woman on the United States women's national soccer team.

The two-time defending soccer World Cup champion despises policies designed to keep transgender girls and women from playing on female sports teams:

“We as a country are trying to legislate away people’s full humanity... It’s particularly frustrating when women’s sports is weaponized ...Oh, now we care about fairness? Now we care about women’s sports? That’s total bullsh-t. And show me all the trans people who are nefariously taking advantage of being trans in sports. It’s just not happening...

“The most amazing thing about sports is that you play and you’re playing with other people, and you’re having fun and you’re being physically active. We’re putting this all through the lens of competition and winning. But we’re talking about people’s lives. That’s where we have to start.”

According to Time Rapinoe believes that questioning transgender participation in women’s sports, as Martina Navratilova and ESPN anchor Sage Steele have done, does harm that reaches far beyond the athletic field:

“I don’t want to mince words about it. Dave Chappelle making jokes about trans people directly leads to violence, whether it’s verbal or otherwise, against trans people. When Martina or Sage or whoever are talking about this, people aren’t hearing it just in the context of elite sports. They’re saying, ‘The rest of my life, this is how I’m going to treat trans people.’”

Would Rapinoe embrace a transgender woman on the U.S. women’s soccer team, even if that woman took the place of someone assigned female at birth? Her answer: 

 “Absolutely. You’re taking a ‘real’ woman’s place,’ that’s the part of the argument that’s still extremely transphobic. I see trans women as real women. What you’re saying automatically in the argument—you’re sort of telling on yourself already—is you don’t believe these people are women. Therefore, they’re taking the other spot. I don’t feel that way.”

Read the whole Time article here.

See also: US soccer star Megan Rapinoe is supporting trans people’s participation in sports 100% US Soccer Star: Bills to Ban Transgender Kids from Sports Try to Solve a Problem that Doesn’t Exist

[hyperlexichypatia]

This post reminded me of it, but my partner has observed that in contemporary gender discourse, maleness is so linked to adulthood and femaleness is so linked to childhood, that there are no "boys" or "women," only "men" and "girls."

This isn't exactly new -- for as long as patriarchy has existed, women have been infantilized, and "adult woman" has been treated as something of an oxymoron. Hegemonic beauty standards for women emphasize youthfulness, if not actual neoteny, and older women are considered "too old" to be attractive without ever quite being old enough to make their own decisions. There may be cultural allowances for the occasional older "wise woman," but a "wise woman" is always dangerously close to being a madwoman, or a witch. No matter how wise a woman is, she is never quite a rational agent. As Hanna K put it, "as a woman you're always either too young or too old for things, because the perfect age is when you're a man."

But the framing of underage boys as "men" has shifted, depending on popular conceptualizations of childhood and gender roles. Sometimes children of any gender are essentially feminized and grouped with women (the entire framing of "women and children" as a category). In the U.S. in the 21st century, the rise of men's rights and aggressively sexist ideology has correlated with an increased emphasis on little boys as "men" -- thus slogans like "Teach your son to be a man before his teacher teaches him to be a woman."

Of course, thanks to ageism and patriarchy (which literally means, not "rule by men," but "rule by fathers"), boys don't get any of the social benefits of being considered "men." They don't get to vote, make their own medical decisions, or have any of their own adult rights. They might have a little more childhood freedom than girls, if they're presumed to be sturdier and less vulnerable to "predators," but, for the most part, being considered "men" as young boys doesn't really get boys any more access to adult rights. What it does get them is aggressively gender-policed, often with violence. A little boy being "a man" means that he's not allowed to wear colors, have feelings, or experience the developmental stages of childhood.

This shifts in young adulthood, as boys forced into the role of "manhood" become actual men. As I've written about, I believe the trend of considering young adults "children" is harmful to everyone, but primarily to young women, young queer and trans people, and young disabled people. Abled, cisgender, heterosexual young men are rarely denied the rights and autonomy of adulthood due to "brain maturity."

What's particularly interesting is that, because transphobes misgender trans people as their birth-assigned genders, they constantly frame trans girls as "men" and trans men as "girls." A 10 year old trans girl on her elementary school soccer team is a "MAN using MAN STRENGTH on helpless GIRLS," while a 40 year old trans man is a "Poor confused little girl." Anyone assigned male at birth is born a scary, intimidating adult, while anyone female assigned at birth never becomes old enough to make xyr own decisions.

Feminist responses have also really fluctuated. Occasionally, feminists have played into the idea of little boys as "men," especially in trans-exclusionary rhetoric, or in one notorious case where members of a women's separatist compound were warned about "a man" who turned out to be a 6-month-old infant. There's periodic discourse around "Empowering our girls" or "Raising our boys with gentle masculinity," but for the most part, my problem with mainstream feminist rhetoric in general is that it tends to frame children solely as a labor imposed on women by men, not as subjects (and specifically, as an oppressed class) at all.

Second-wave feminists pushed back hard on calling adult women "girls" -- but they didn't necessarily view "women" as capable of autonomous decision-making, either. Adult women were women, but they might still need to be protected from their own false consciousness. As laws in the U.S., around medical privacy and autonomy, like HIPAA, started more firmly linking the concepts of autonomy with legal adulthood, and fixing the age of majority at 18, third-wave feminists embraced referring to women as "girls." Sometimes this was in an intentionally empowering way ("girl power," "girl boss"), which also served to shield women (mostly white, mostly bourgeois/wealthy) from criticism of their participation in racism and capitalism. But it also served to reinforce the narrative of women as "girls" needing to be protected from "men" (and their own choices).

I'm still hoping for a feminist politic that is pro-child, pro-youth, pro-disability, pro-autonomy, pro-equality, that rejects the infantilization of women, the adultification of boys, the objectification of children, the misgendering of trans people, and the imposition of gender roles.

[genderkoolaid]

I think your fight against anti-transmasculinity/anti-transandrophobia and how queer spaces paint masculinity as inherently evil, your posts have actually opened my eyes to alot of what transmascs go thorugh. But as a transfem I was hurt to see that you support spacelazarwolf, someone who has used TERFy arguments that for example include claiming that trans women react to male socialization the same was as cis men react to it, and are therefore "male-brained" or dangerous to be around: https://www.tumblr.com/lesbianchemicalplant/729005502701486080/trans-men-on-here-are-like-trans-women-are-sexist?source=share (I do not agree with the author's view that transandrophobia does not exist)

As a transfem, a group is constantly demonized by the cis world and a lot of feminist spaces as sexual predatory, dangerous men to be around, transmisogynistic arguments that are "backed up" by the fact that we are socialized as male, seeing another trans person use the same argument in order to demean transfems hurts me a lot, makes me more scared of interacting with trans spaces outside of my friend group.

I don't mean this as a call out or nor do I mean to sparkle an internet argument and I hope my worries aren't downplayed, but I think it is necessary to address certain things and we transfems and transmascs should have eachother's interests in mind.

I absolutely understand why you are worried about that post, but that screenshot was taken to specifically cut out the rest of the post & remove all context from what he was saying.

Here is the link to the actual post. Conveniently, the person who took that screenshot cut out the literal next sentence, which is "we all, regardless of agab, grow up exposed to sexism and misogyny, and we’re all affected by it in one way or another."

The reason he is specific about transfems is because he is responding to some tags which say that all "afabs" (referring to trans men talking about their experiences with misogyny) are biologically "smug" and "insufferable" & how he has seen transfemmes use bioessentialism towards other trans people in ways which are blatantly misogynistic, and hiding behind the defense that they themselves are women. The final paragraph of the post is this:

"i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: trans people who were assigned male at birth are not somehow inherently more capable of sexism than people who were assigned female at birth. everyone is capable of sexism. but they are also not exempt from perpetuating sexism and misogyny just because they are trans, and they have just as much of a responsibility to unlearn it as the rest of us do. do not use being trans as a shield from consequences when you say things that uphold oppressive systems."

The post you linked isn't just reading between the lines, they specifically cut off all context and put words in his mouth about "dangerous male socialization" that he actively clarifies he disagrees with in the post itself. He never says anything about transfems reacting the same way cis men do, or being socialized male or having male brains or being dangerous to be around. He is very clear that this is a universal problem to all people, and all trans people, and everyone needs to be active in unlearning misogyny because it is taught to everyone.

I don't blame you at all for being concerned about this, but the linked OP is actively warping the truth to justify the argument that belief in transandrophobia existing is inherenty anti-transfem.

[technologyculturedneo]

BOX. Jaemin

"Memories need to be shared."

Pairing. Na Jaemin x Reader

Synopsis. The community you live in is a perfect dystopia with citizens not given any freedom or choice. Without choice, the Neorists Elders of society believe they can prevent negative elements, such as war. You're assigned to the Dreamer Na Jaemin with the aim of being the next Dreamer. However when presented with freedom, choices and a world of wonder, you begin to fall into the unknown of a word known as 'love'.

Dreamscape() Masterlist

“What do you mean you want to remove ‘pleasure’ from this community?” Johnny furrows his brows, eyes piercing across the room meeting an unfazed ‘Dreamer’, Na Jaemin, the only man wearing black. Also known as the only person in the entire community with recollection of memories of what the whole world once was before the erasing of memories. “You can’t remove pleasure.”

The other board members, mainly the men who were ‘guilty’, are also in shock when hearing what the Dreamer is suggesting. “I mean what I said. You took things too far when you impregnated another Neorists. And that’s strictly forbidden.” Jaemin notes to the only female elder Neorist in the room surrounded by 10 men.

“I think this decision of yours is coming from a place of bitterness. Are you upset because you don’t have anyone to pleasure? Have you even pleasured anyone? What we should be discussing is how to bring pleasure back into relationships.”

“This is my point exactly. You’re so intoxicated with pleasure that you don’t see the problem.” Jaemin cocks up a brow in bafflement. Sometimes being the only one with memories of all emotions was a pain. “Too much pleasure leads to destruction, especially when there’s no love.”

“Oh please love is irrelevant, and what possible destruction can come out of pleasure?” Johnny quizzes with an imposing tone.

“For one, non-consenting rape, which is the act of forcing yourself on somebody who hasn’t agreed to partake in the activity.” Jaemin informs. “It’s literally what you’re doing. Not only that, you’re sliding past the fact that you were caught breaking other laws.”

“I’m guilty of no such matters. Our Neorist here agreed to our encounter. Is that right?” Turning his head to the female, she subtly nods her head with an expressionless face. Johnny crosses his legs with a smirk on his face. “And besides, how else are we going to get the community to produce children?” Johnny questions.

Jaemin rolls his eyes, a gesture that surely goes noticed by all the board members of Neorists, the highest forms of elders in their communities. Aside from Jaemin being the only Dreamer, and the only one who felt entitled to have a say in laws, they surely disliked when he’d pull faces of rudeness and disrespect. Even if he was right. “Cut the bullshit. You don’t care about children. All you care about is sexual pleasure.”

“What proof do you have?” Johnny questions.

“What proof?” Jaemin scoffs and glances at the only female Neorist elder in the room. “She’s literally carrying a child as we speak- a child you ‘helped’ created. She said you gave her a serum and she had a weird feeling after. You clearly did something to her. And she’s not even a birth mother.”

“Your point?” Another male elder asks. “I think President Suh is correct. You’re bitter because you don’t have someone to pleasure.”

Folding his arms and leaning on the table Jaemin tries to speak calmly without letting his anger show. Yet it’s already clear from the moment he opens his mouth that he’s seething. “When we first implemented ‘pleasure’ in community 1, the idea was that only selected ‘birth mothers’ and ‘father genetics’ would engage in that activity. It was a success and we taught it to the other communities. The only problem now, is that you President Suh and a few of you board members have stepped out of bound over the years and decided to participate. It doesn’t work like that. You’re throwing things off balance.”

“I have to agree with the Dreamer. Not only are you not taking the injections but you are breaking the laws we placed.” Jaehyun, the elder Neorist of justice and law sides with the Dreamer and looks to the President of all communities. “How do you expect the community to follow the rules when you don’t?”

Johnny gets up while buttoning his front button, an indication that he’s not going to listen to anything else from the meeting. “This is such a time waste. Instead of preparing for the ceremony we’ve wasted time talking about irrelevant matters. I’ll take my leave.”

Johnny is just about half way in leaving the board room when Jaemin grudgefully stands up. “You know what, fuck this. I’ve selected a new Dreamer.”

That captures Johnny’s attention as he freezes mid step gazing at Jaemin. “Don’t be absurd. We haven’t examined-”

“Of course ‘you’ haven’t examined because you were too busy getting your dick wet. But I already did.” Jaemin looks at Johnny dead in the eye. “She will be my successor, and she’ll be the one to put up with your shit when I’m gone, because seriously, I can’t have this anymore. I’m done.”

And with that, Jaemin walks out the room first.

The water scatters and dashes out from the shower head sprinkling hot waters onto his body when he gets home. Standing underneath the pouring heat, his hands against the wall- the wall being a see through glass, his eyes looking over the view in longing to finally be free like nature. The view of the downslope mountain filled with greens of shrubs, trees, blooming colored florets with nature at its best. The thought crosses his mind again. He’s been thinking of quitting being a Dreamer for almost an entire year. To end his life and time in this draining world.

There’s nothing worth it anymore. Clinching his jaw from the depressing thoughts he turns the handle far back erupting a strangled choke to leave his breath just as the freezing cold waters hit his body hard. He can’t end his life just yet, he needs to complete his last quest in this damn community before he can kick the bucket. For good. For him as a Dreamer, living in this community is lonely. He just hopes that the person he’s chosen to be his successor won’t feel like him.

Because everyone is taught to follow and obey the rules within the community, in order to eliminate discrimination, envy, jealousy, supremacy, hate and plainly anything different. Everyone that is born into the community is a blank slate and is taught how to walk, talk, work and live. Without communities in place there would be chaos and war would break out. The ‘Neorists’ better known as wise council of elders have maintained communities for centuries, keeping the community in peace, passing down guidelines and rules on how to keep tranquility amongst all.

You’re lucky to have grown up in a community that had no war and endless peace. They said that the war was terrible, that it destroyed everything. And after the war had ruined everything, mankind found a solution to carry on. Through the acts of Communities. There were 7 communities in total. When ‘Communities’ were created, everything started afresh. The start of the new civilization marked the end of the wars worldwide, society was reset, rebuilt, evoking true equality and sameness. It marked the beginning of a new era, a new people, a new life within communities. Everything that was made new, contributed to the good of the new communities. These rules being respected created harmony, balance and greatest of all, allowed life to continue on peacefully.

Years down the line, it all worked out. Peace was restored, everyone was the same and knew how to live in the community. Everyone was able to follow and obey the rules without a second thought. Everyone was able to fit in.

Except for you.

Tomorrow, you and the rest of the year 19’s would finally be 20’s and would be assigned your jobs. Your purpose in life. What you were made for. Your place in the community. After years of attending studying departments, you are going to be a part of the people that contribute to society. Your lecturer’s last words, were words that almost… frightened you. No. Precision of language. Wrong word, you think. Frightened means that deep, sickening feeling of something terrible about to happen. Your lecture’s words made you ‘anxious’ for what would happen tomorrow. It’s frightening because it seems like everyone already knows their jobs, but you don’t have a clue of what you’ll be. You are lost. Lost because while everyone in the community, thought the same and did everything the same, you… always felt like you did things… differently, you saw things that other people didn’t. In your eyes you’d see flickering of extra lights… Where everything is black and white, in the sky… you’d see… hue.

Your eyes snap to the road ahead of you as you instantly halt your bicycle when almost coming in contact with a man dressed in all black. Whereby the whole community only wore white, your eyes are completely shocked seeing the man wearing all black. The Neorist, Dreamer Na Jaemin. You quickly bow your head apologizing. “I apologize.”

“It’s dangerous to be riding and looking up at the sky. Be careful.” Nonchalant and unfazed, almost if the sounds of getting hit by a bicycle is nothing.

“I apologize.” You say again, but you’re thankful that he doesn’t write out an issue of warning for you and continues walking, ignoring you. You continuing to ride your bicycle, this time keeping in mind of the correct road and not minding him, because there are more pressing thoughts in your head.

You never said anything of what you saw. You didn’t want to be different. Who would?

The rules were simple to follow: Use precise language. No touching other people not of your dwelling. Wear your assigned clothing. Take your morning medication. Obey the curfew. Never lie. These rules made sense to keep everything ‘same’.

However, for you, these rules were easy to follow, but hard to understand. Precise language… assigned clothing… medication, curfew and of course… lying. You acted and did as everyone did, but in a world where every person thought the same, moved the same and even looked the same… you don’t know why, your thoughts… had thoughts and why they were different. You didn’t want to be different, otherwise you’d be ‘released’. Released is a term, or rather the highest form of punishment to anyone who failed to contribute to society. They were to be taken out of society, forever. For good. Maybe… Maybe that’s why you’re so frightened for what will happen tomorrow. What if you get relea-

‘Kring, kring.’ A bell rings behind you, snapping your thoughts back to the present indicating company. You smile upon seeing the two males in which you’re closely associated with, your two friends, whom you’ve been acquainted with your whole lives. Jeno and Haechan. With smiles on their faces brewing excitement in their eyes, it’s always easy to feel comfortable and at ease around them. “You left us,” Haechan, the boy who makes everyone laugh, playfully whines.

Jeno, the boy who makes everyone smile turns to look at you. “I apologize for the both of us that we’re late. I thought I could take Haechan around to say farewell to our lecturers.” Jeno fills you in, with his memorable eye smile that’s always refreshing to see.

“I accept your apology.” You smile back, turning your head to Haechan. “And why does Jeno have to apologize for you? Aren’t you going to apologize for yourself?”

“I apologize for making you ride alone. In fact, we could’ve all gone together to say goodbye to the teachers had you not left so suddenly.” Haechan tries to justify himself, but you hear a scoff coming from Jeno.

“I accept your apology.” You answer back none the less while shaking your head.

“Precision of language Haechan. We weren’t saying goodbye, more like, see you around.” Jeno voices out his thoughts, as the friend who consistently obeys every rule. He’s like a model student of what it means to embody the rules.

“But I don’t want to see them again,” Haechan nags like a little kid, causing you to roll your eyes by his nature. “I want to finally get to tomorrow so that I can go and work.” Being bold and riding high on his bicycle Haechan voices out. “Whoever’s listening please, please do not make me a teacher or lecturer or anything to do with the studying departments. Please.”

You laugh, this time along with Jeno. Of course, every street pole, every building, every tree, every structure in some way, has a camera big enough or even small enough to see and hear what everyone in the community does. You wonder, if you also had to get up on your bike and yell out what you want to be, maybe the Neorists who listened in, would place you there. They ruled your lives and every outcome from them is said to be the best.

You live in a world were differences aren’t allowed. There’s no popular, no fame, no winners and no losers. The Neorists of the pasts eliminated all of that so that they’d be no conflict. No fear. No pain. Envy. Hate. All those negative feelings weren’t here and it had been wiped from history. Every memory that everyone had now, was of this wonderful society that was created.

Riding your bicycles together with your friends, listening to Jeno and Haechan casually talk yet good-humoredly bicker allows your mind to be distracted from the thoughts of tomorrow. Haechan leans forward on his seat carefully standing up and balancing on his bicycle.

“I’m going to miss volunteering here.” Jeno says, once the nursing facility is close by. You look to the building and nod your head.

“Don’t worry my friend, I’m sure you’ll be coming back here.” Haechan smirks. “If there had to be another word for nurse, it’d be Jeno. You were born for this.”

“What about you Y/n?” You turn your head to Jeno, displaying an earnest smile once drawing to the center side of the building. “Out of all the positions that the elders would choose for me, where do you think they’d place me?”

Looking up to the bold font title in the middle of the building, you nudge your head to it. “Nurturing center. You’re very caring, selfless, dedicated to helping others and always so good with people. If anything you should be in charge of the nurturing department.” You compliment boldly. He looks at you, returning a sincere beam, as if liking your answer more than Haechan’s statement.

Every day since you went to the studying department school, the lecturers ‘mandatorily’ suggested that doing volunteering work in different sectors would enhance the Neorists to notably put you in a work career that would best suit you. You had no one place you liked going, so you always followed Haechan and Jeno. Nurturer, Laborer, Engineer, Law and justice, Pilot, Speaker etc. By chance you volunteered everywhere and exceled in everything, you just didn’t know what you exceled at the best. That feeling… that frightening feeling comes back at the thought of your purpose. You wonder, have you done enough volunteering work so that the Neorists may know where to put you, or have you done too little, that they haven’t a clue of what your position would be? If that’s the case, it means you are going to be released. You’d be a failure.

And you don’t want that. Which is why, as you carry a baby from the bed and move over to the weighing table following Jeno’s lead, you hope that just as Jeno has shown a kin interest on nurturing, that perhaps you’ve also shown an interest in something. Unfortunately, Jeno’s baby weighs heavier and he has a playful look on his face, lifting up the baby with a coy smile. “That’s my little baby. A baby who’s strong and ready to be a 1 year old.” Jeno lightheartedly mocks you.

“Oh, it’s like that now.” You chortle. Seeing a figure in uniform approach you both, you smile. Your father. Lee Taeyong.

“Which one was heavier?” He asks.

“This baby was.” Jeno indulges in baby language having a moment with the baby. However, in the spacious room full of male and female nurses along with volunteering students, all attention is turned to a certain cubic stand- hearing a rueful cry. It’s your first time hearing a baby cry. Just as a nurse takes the quiet baby from you and places the baby in a box sealing it tight saying that it will be released and didn’t qualify, you follow your father as he moves to the cube were the crying baby is in.

Reading its tech monitor screen, you see the words: HE/UNQUALIFIED.

“He looks so unhappy.” You lean close having a look at the wailing baby’s voice.

“Unfortunately he doesn’t qualify for his first ceremony.” Your father says. “He’s just not strong enough. It’s why he’s crying. He can’t be assigned to a family yet.”

Trying to get the babies attention, by tapping on the glass and smiling gently, you peek back when seeing Jeno standing next to you equally examining the unhappy child. “Can we open it?” Jeno asks, which your father nods to, silently watching the baby with a concerned face.

Last night, the birth mothers did an incredible job of birthing about 40-70 children in community 7 alone. 64 of those children were perfect. 3 came out stiff and would be released. 2 were identical, the one that you and Jeno were weighing (the least heaviest would be released too). And finally this 1 was the only one crying but wouldn’t be released just yet.

Jeno opens the little slot allowing you to put your hand in. “Hey there little guy. Why are you crying? Are you not happy because you won’t be in the first ceremony?”

Jeno’s gentle smile spreads over his face as he observes you making conversation with the baby. “Let me,” He offers to help especially when the baby doesn’t stop crying. You move a little, watching Jeno place his hand inside the cube placing it over the baby’s head. “There, there,” He simply says, and instantaneously, the baby shifts its head in Jeno’s direction.

“Wow,” You marvel. “You just have that gift. It’s not fair,” You joke, but slowly the baby hesitates and fidgets.

“Be strong Jisung.” Your father’s voice gets your attention and you turn to him.

“You looked at his name? Isn’t that against the rules?”

He turns to you nervously. “Y-yes it is. I thought having a name might help him grow.” Before his gaze focuses on the baby. “It’s why I whispered it.”

You’ve always admired your father. A nurse. Never buckles under pressure, always knows what to say as the head of the house and is simply a really good father to you, mother and your little 10 year old brother, Chenle. You spend the rest of the day in the nursing center, even when Haechan and Jeno leave. And 30 minutes before the curfew call is made, you and your father both take your bikes and stroll to the dwelling where you stay. Getting there just before the curfew call, you take your afternoon injection as soon as you enter the door. Which is just a little pinch on the wrist of your right hand by placing your hand over the little robotic poll.

Getting ready for dinner, you, your brother Chenle, your Mother Seulgi and Father Taeyong all sit by the large metallic squared box table and exactly at 6.30 on the dot, the table opens up revealing covered trays of supper.

Removing the lid of the tray, you begin eating just as everyone does in silence. A while later, your father begins the conversation by asking everyone about their feelings for the day. Your mother answers; ‘disappointment’ because of a fellow educator who didn’t teach according to the textbook. The outcome of that situation was that the teacher was released to elsewhere. Your father ends up asking your little brother about his feelings. His answer; ‘excited’ because he’ll be a 10 tomorrow. His enthusiasm brings smiles to your faces. And then finally; your father calls your name.

“Your turn for feelings.” He eats on his vegetables and so do you. Taking a little bit of time to respond as you eat. The rules for food being don’t eat too fast and don’t talk when eating. Once you swallow you breathe out.

“Well, I guess… I’m sort of…” You thought you had an answer, but after hearing Chenle’s answer, you feel nervous again. “Frightened.”

“Precision of language.” Your mother corrects, giving you a worried look, sternly.

“Then I feel terrified?” You try to ask, as she’s trying to correct your feelings, which you don’t understand. You were the one feeling it.

“Precision of language.” She says again. “Anxious, is the word. Being frightened and terrified is awful and only used in dire situations.”

“Yes. Thank you for your correction.” You nervously smile. She’s right. You’re anxious. You look at your food.

“Why?” Your father asks. “Are you nervous for the ceremony tomorrow?”

You nod your head. “Mother, father. When you were about to graduate from being a 19 to 20, did you feel like there was no position meant for you?”

Your father shakes his head. “The Neorists been watching you since you were a child, they know what position is meant for you.”

Your mother nods her head. “They are never wrong. Tomorrow you’ll see that you have a place in our community.” She smiles. “Cheer up my daughter. There’s no need to be anxious.”

You nod your head. The feeling won’t go away. Even as you’re done eating and place the tray back on the center of the table and the table sinks low with the empty trays, leaving its original flat surface, you’re still anxious. You walk into your room after saying goodnight to everyone and rest on your bed. Instead of injecting yourself to sleep with the little robotic poll in your room, you… slightly disobey the rule of ‘8 p.m. sleep time’ and instead lay awake thinking of all the things that will happen tomorrow. You will be a 20. With a new job. A job you don’t even know.

Finally sighing, you roll on the side of your bed and place your wrist over the robotic poll allowing it to inject you. After some seconds, sleep consumes your entire mind.

-

The auditorium is vastly large with all the seating sections being filled as the whole of Community 7 make their way inside. Each seat is filled accordingly and correctly. Everyone being in a category. You’re seated on the third section along with all the other 19’s as you wait. Other sections have newly made parents, older parents, those who already have jobs and finally old age individuals. The ceremony is the only time when everyone from community 7 joins together in celebration of the new age. “Welcome citizens, to the annual ceremony of advancement.” A robotic female announcement addresses. Would you be a speaker like this voice? Could that be your future path?

Sitting next to Haechan, you can’t stop giggling at the jokes he makes, because they calm your racing heart down and stop you from guessing jobs for yourself. Jeno seated in front of you turns back once in a while with a chortle, telling Haechan to be quiet. Everyone is so excited that you can’t help but force the excitement of you just to blend in. But really, inside you’re petrified.

Especially since the Neorists of all communities are all here in one room. All 10 Neorists Elders are seated on the stage in a straight row facing the crowd. They look so normal, polished with smiles and bright with their grey garment, all except one. He’s seated on the end of the stage, almost a gap away from the other elders. He’s got a bored, dull look… no… Cold and almost uninterested look on his face. The same way he looked when you nearly bumped into him. He’s the only one wearing black. And it’s not even a black suit. The jacket is leather, the shirt inside.. has print design on it and you try to make out what is written on the shirt, but it’s blocked by his folded arms.

He’s so…

Your breath hitches in your throat when looking back at his face, only to have his deep eyes staring back at you. The corner of his lip tugs upwards in a smirk and in an instant your posture straightens and you snap your head away like a robot rebooting.

“Sheesh.” Haechan mutters shaking his head. “I swear that Elder’s presence is so menacing that it’s scary. Can you believe he’s the only Dreamer?”

Dreamer Na Jaemin. The only Elder who’s completely alone in what he does… whatever he does. “I nearly bumped into him with my bicycle yesterday.”

“Really?” Haechan’s eyes slightly widen.

“Please stand by for a transition.” You’re thankful for the robotic voice that addresses the crowd, allowing you to not think of that Dreamer and causing your conversation with Haechan to stop. On the stage, a beam of light is reflected and hologram of a man appears. The president of all communities appears in an elegant white suit. The robotic voice fades, as a manly voice of a calm man speaks. “Good morning community 7.”

“Good morning President Suh Johnny.” The community at large responds with gladness to see the familiar jolly face of the leader of all communities. Once again he’s appearing virtually. It’s a shame that he couldn’t come in person, you think to yourself.

“I apologize for my remote attendance.” He apologizes and you can tell the community immediately feels better.

“We accept your apology.” Everyone responds in sync… you mimic your mouth to follow but really you don’t accept it. President Suh although widely respected (feared- is what you’d say but then your mother would say ‘precision of language’) is a president you’ve always wondered why he’s in power. He doesn’t do much for the communities. It’s the Neorist Elders who work the hardest in maintaining the communities.

“I can’t be at every ceremony simultaneously in person, which is why I picked this hour as my favorite hour to spend with you. But here’s a secret, you are my favorite community.” He grins. For some reason, your eyes are drawn to the disinterested Dreamer Neorist Elder on stage again. He rolls his eyes and even… sinks low on his chair. What audacity does he have to show his disinterest, especially to the President? Perhaps he dislikes the President too. “But since we don’t lie, I must admit I say that to all the other communities.”

Your head snaps away from him again to the stage when hearing subtle laughs come from the crowd, from Haechan next to you as well as everyone else… You join in on the laugh thinly… your eyes wandering back to the Dreamer, only to look away immediately again. You only tried to see if he was laughing, or at least smiling too. But instead, you caught his eye on you… again. You try not to frown, but you can’t help as your eyebrows furrow a bit. Why is he looking at you?

“Beginnings. From disorder to chaos, great suffering and pain. From confusion, envy and hatred, came out a perfect solution. Communities, which harbored serene beautiful places, where disorder became harmony.” Everyone pats their thighs in sign of applauding. “It begins, the Ceremony.”

You join everyone in patting your thigh feeling your thigh nervously shake. You try to stop it, but as each ceremony occurs you get anxious. The large background screen begins to play gentle visual videos of each ceremony. It starts off with the ceremony to ‘elsewhere’ honoring the lives of the brave elderly old age men and women who have dedicated the lives and contributed nobly to the community. All the old age elders, about 65 of them, who were in another section that you couldn’t see all step on stage generously shaking each hand of the Wise Neorists council, before stepping off stage and waving their hands as they disappear behind some curtains. You’re not even surprised that the black clothed elder didn’t even shake hands or pay his respects to the elders. He’s so impolite and it’s making you feel unhappy.

Next is the ceremony of the 1’s. “Celebrating the new children. Proudly engineered by the genetics of father givers, produced by our proud birth mothers. These infants will now join their assigned family units. Welcome to the community little ones.”

“Welcome to the community.” The crowd says.

Your eyes enlarge joyfully when seeing all 65 of the new born babies being brought up on stage by nurses. The newly coupled parents are called one by one (as President Suh, calls out their names) to go on stage and claim they’re new addition to the family. Each of the children have names, but you’re surprised that you don’t hear ‘Jisung’s’ name. Either way, you clap on your thigh for both for the ceremony of the 1’s as well as the new parents who now have their first child, another batch of parents are called to claim their second addition to the family. All families have been taught to have 2 kids who are 10 years apart. The next ceremony is for the new 10’s.

Your head moves to the side when you see all the newly 10 year olds standing up and one by one go down the stairs and all unanimously stand in a line to be called on stage. You smile when you see Chenle. He’s looks bright and happy in his little white shirt and shorts. Everyone claps their thighs as all 60 children are called one by one on stage to receive their half way mark independence gift, a bicycle. They are now of age to possess their first responsible gift. You clap your thighs proudly when Chenle is called - Haechan beside you nudges you while holding back his own snickers telling you to keep it down. Chenle gets off the stage with his bike. Just as the little other 10 year olds receive their bikes, you see an usher in white standing by each respective row of your age group. Once the 10’s are done, the ushers signal out their hands stating that it’s your sections turn. You deeply inhale when standing up and following right behind Haechan.

“Celebrating the graduates, the 20’s, who today will be assigned their position in our community.” The president says as you all get on the stage. You stand in rows of 6, as they’re 60 of you. 10 in each column and 6 in each row.

“Good luck,” Jeno, who’s standing right in front of you turns, around with an encouraging smile. It reassures and even calms you down a little. So you try to enjoy the moment. Finally, the time has come to hear where you will fit in. Even though you wished to have a clear mindset on what job you’d do, you feel glad that the burden of choosing a job is not in your hands and in the hands of the Neorists. Father says they’re never wrong. So you smile back breathing in deeply and looking up above to the screen that showed gentle images of each 20 year old doing something. You see Haechan, and turn to him smiling just as he points at himself. He’s seen riding high on his bicycle and teaching other kids on how to ride their own bicycles. Others are shown as well, and you wait to maybe see yourself in the montage of images and soundless videos. But you don’t. You see Jeno, and other of your class mates, but you don’t see yourself. You try not to worry, as they didn’t put everyone in.

“All of your training has been to help you fit in.” Johnny continues. “To curb any impulse that may set you apart from others. But today we honor your differences, for today they have determined your future. Dear community, here are the new leaders and the teachers, and the workers, and nurses, birth mothers of tomorrow. And I think that, we’re in very good hands.” Johnny smiles, and you smile back feeling a great jubilation. “Number 1, Karina. Soft spoken with a delicate body, gentle with children and a pleasant to be around. Birth mother. Thank you for your childhood.”

Karina walks forward towards the one female Neorists elder who’s in charge of all the Nurturing Centers in all the Communities, gets up with a bright smile and hands her a little device as well as shakes her hand. You clap on your thighs and smile. That’s a good position for her. Names are being called, roles and jobs are being given, as rows go down you anxiously await your turn.

“Number 35, Jeno. From the beginning it was clear that Jeno flourished when working with new patients both old and young. Gentle with his touch with broad caring arms, Nurturer Nurse.” You smile when seeing up on the screen, Jeno carrying a little baby and smiling down at the child. You nod your head just as Haechan nudges you in agreement. Jeno goes forward to the Neorist female elder and she hands him a device. He gets off stage and goes back to his seat. Very quickly, the row in front of you disappears and finally they’re on your row. You prepare yourself shivering lightly.

“Number 43, Chittaphon. Talkative, engaging and surely a good story teller. Teacher of the middles.” You clap your thighs smiling.

“Number 44, Giselle.” The girl next to you, Giselle grins brightly as she steps forward to an elder man who gives her a device. Your heart is beating so loud that you barely even hear her assigned role. The moment you’ve been waiting for. You try to calm your pacing heart, but it’s beating all the way up to your ears and almost blocks your ear drums.

“Number 46,” You take two steps forward with a modest smile- “Haechan.” Yet you freeze when hearing the name… And number.

Haechan in astonishment reacts after a quick second and steps forward. His eyes are enlarged but his smile nervously returns when seeing a Neorist elder man stand up. “Unruly, careless, yet brings laughter wherever he goes. Sometimes those in need of responsibility learn best when they’re the practitioners of it. Drone Pilot.” A relieved sigh leaves Haechan’s mouth as he does a fist pump in the air and grins. This is something he’s wanted- being in the air as the all seeing eye. “Thank you for your childhood.”

Haechan takes his device from the elder man with a badge that said pilot. Haechan turns around about to head off stage in happiness, when all of a sudden sees your frozen posture and he remembers how they skipped your number. Hopefully it was a mistake.

“Number 47, Hendery.” Or not. “Ground keeper.” Haechan gets back to his seat with fear that they’ve skipped your number. Not just him, Jeno is equally as uneasy, concerned and worried for you. Not just in his mind but everyone is all thinking the same thing, you were going to be released. It’s what they did for those who weren’t qualified for a position and didn’t ‘fit in’ anywhere.

It’s hard paying attention to the other roles and jobs, as your parents see you standing on stage as your row finishes. In their minds, disappointment is what should’ve been clouding their heads. They raised a child who was unfortunate and couldn’t fit in the community. But no. That’s not what they think. Your mother thinks of you as brave, wondrous, fearless and an astounding human being. She had hoped you would even become… if she dares even say a Neorist elder… as rare as it is, she saw the potential in you. Despite your incorrect use of words, she always noticed how you naturally seemed curious. Your father thinks of you as someone who is daringly extraordinary. You embodied this wisdom and are a quick learner- for crying out loud you volunteered everywhere and almost everyone knew you because of how well rounded you were. You are an admirable child and there’s no way you’ll be released.

Not only your parents, but anyone who knows you, knows that you were… ‘different’ in a way. But then again, who would want to be different? There was no place for difference, except being released.

Chenle, despite his young age is not blind to the fact that you’re still on stage. Sitting in between his parents he looks up to his mother. “Mother, did they skip her?”

Always knowing what to say, this time she merely watches you as her heart slowly begins to race. She looks to Taeyong and he too has a great pale look on his face. Yesterday night, you said you were frightened. Terrified. And at this moment as all the names of the other year 20s are being called, you parents are feeling frightened and terrified themselves. Would you really be released? No. No way. You were such a good child. You were not a failure in anything. So why didn’t they call your name?

You stand there in absolute shock. Your eyes not daring to move away as you stare with daggers at the hologram. You repeat over and over in your head that they made a mistake and they’ll rectify it on the next call. They never do. You’re not anxious. You’re not terrified. You’re not frightened. But now, you’re horrified. You can feel your ears getting hot, your body is trembling, tears are coating your eyes. This can’t be real… this can’t be true.

Meanwhile, while the whole ceremony was a bore for the sole Dreamer Jaemin, the only man wearing black clothes, he particularly found this part interesting. Your reaction. He’s not slouching anymore on his seat. Instead, he’s leaning forward with a gaze so intense yet fascinatingly on you. He can only imagine what you’re feeling. You look so feeble… no, feeble is too much of drag… you look scared, like you’re about to pee in your pants.

“Number 60,” The president says the last name and you exhale lowly about to collapse from the tension. “Thank you for your childhood.” The last person walks up and receives a device walking off the stage. You’re too embarrassed to look back, you can’t even look back because you feel stiff to the bone. Your head feels heavy. The rooms temperature is declining and you swear that any time now, you’ll pass out. You’re the only one left on stage and just when you think things can’t get any worse your eyes pinch- “This marks the end of the ceremony. Thank you for your time.” Usually during this time, the screen would switch off, the monotonous robotic voice would thank everyone for coming and wish them all a safe return, or the auditorium would be filled with actual claps of two hands for the successful ceremony. Instead the only thing that switches off is the hologram.

Silence wafts the crowd.

Silence so loud that you’re sure that everyone can hear you struggling to hold in your breath. You’re breathing grows erratic.

You jolt lightly when seeing the hologram appear next to you. President Johnny is back on the screen. “You feel like I have made a mistake,” He states in a gracious tone. “I apologize to my community.”

The crowd is quick in saying, “We accept your apology.” But you don’t say it back.

“Number 45.” He turns around. Facing you. Your teary worried eyes stare at him. “I apologize for making you worry.”

You’re afraid to speak, but you gulp down quick and pass your arms past your eyes to remove the tears rapidly as you mutter out by force. “I accept your apology.”

Just as you wipe your eyes, the crowd grows quieter and tense from the unexpected Neorist who stands up and slowly draws closer behind you. The word Jeno would use is; dark. The word Haechan would use is; scary. The word your mother uses is; chilling. Your father is too speechless in thought to even think of the shady man standing behind you. The word the community would use is probably a forbidden word, a precision of language; ominous. As the contrast between you and the person standing behind you, is a combination of something… wrong. You’ve never volunteered in that field, so how is this possible… But for Jaemin, standing behind you, looking at your little form, he tries to see this as his last will to accomplish before he exempted to be taken to his death bed or better known as ‘elsewhere’.

Your name falls out of the President’s mouth again and you look up to his hologram, feeling that he can see you. “You have not been assigned a position, or role. You have been selected. As part of the boarding council of Neorists Elders, we were not hasty this time in choosing. We couldn’t afford another failure.” Hearing him say that, has you looking towards all the elders. Although your eyes miss the presence of one. It’s when you twist your head to perhaps find him, do you feel a sudden warmth against your back. You inhale and exhale quietly turning back to President Johnny. “You possess a great knowledge and understanding of all attributes in all communities. Intelligence. Integrity. Courage. And something that I can name, but I cannot describe, the capacity to dream beyond. You have always stood out.”

“Why does he insist on dragging things? You’re different, is what he means.” The whisper behind you, has you turning around fully to acknowledge the voice behind you. Looking into his empty eyes. He tilts his head to the side, lifting up something. You can’t even look down at what he’s holding, as your eyes are clear on his hair… you saw it yesterday in the sky… this hue… It’s now on his hair, but a darker shade. Your eyes focus back on his eyes and then his lips. “You can see it. It’s known as blue.” He whispers.

“But I must warn you,” The presidents voice gets drawn back into your ears. “Your training involves loneliness and isolation. Pain far beyond anything we know. Training that your school has not taught you. You may be female, but in you there’s great power. Are you strong enough for this? Do we think Y/n is brave enough?” The crowd taps their thighs eagerly in agreement. Chenle covers his mouth. “You have been selected as the next Dreamer. Thank you for your childhood.”

You take the device from the Dreamer’s hand and not even a second later, he’s walking back to his seat, satisfied. Meanwhile President Johnny wipes off the fake smile of his face as the hologram fades out. In his office he unfastens his tie breathing deeply. He was put into President-ship some years ago. And the ‘freedom’ he got to do anything he wanted was what allowed him to enjoy his post. If Jaemin left the Neorist, then it would mean Johnny would be exposed. And that’s not what he wants.

-

Haechan, Jeno and a few others congratulated you, while you felt others give you sympathetic eyes but told you to be strong for the community. Not very long, you left the auditorium with your family. Chenle rod on his new bike and asked mother a question: “The President said Y/n is now powerful. Does that mean she’s more powerful than you?” Mother hushed him and told him to not multitask, that he should focus on riding. No one knew what to say. You were the next Dreamer… You went up to your room. Dinner time came and you ate, shared feelings. You said you felt relieved, but in you there was nothing feeling relieved. You were the next Dreamer… what does that even mean? What does a dreamer do?

You felt this heavy pressure being weighed on you. Pain… Loneliness… you don’t even know how those things felt. After an appetizing dinner, which you couldn’t really enjoy because of the thoughts bursting all over your head. You disliked that they called you ‘different’ and outed you so that everyone could see you. Father says you’ve been greatly honored, but you feel petrified. No one said it to your face, but you could guess what they were all thinking. They were all scared for you. Being the next dreamer was scary.

Once the time reaches 7, you eagerly pull out the device that was instructed to only be opened around 7 p.m. The device shines brightly in your room with a hologram. Words begin to display themselves on the screen and you read over them. In your knowledge, you’ve always known there to be 10 Neorist Elders. And all these elders seemed to have large teams… however the Dreamer was the sole inheritor of the title. He was the only one known as the Dreamer. Thinking about him, you get goosebumps wondering if you’d be lonely like him. Despite it all, a part of you feels… as if they made the right choice.

Tomorrow is Monday. A new day. A new month. And a new year. You’d finally be able to work in your selected job.

Sleep doesn’t come easily, as your new rules from the device plays in your mind. Five new rules to follow and remember. One. Report directly to the Dreamer, Na Jaemin for your training. After training return immediately to your dwelling. Two. As of this moment on you are exempted from all rules governing rudeness. You may ask any questions. Three. Aside from your night sleeping medication, you’re not allowed to take any other form of medication. Especially for the pain. Four. You may not discuss your training with anyone. Ever.

Waking up in the morning, you don’t know how you fell asleep but you’re stunned that you slept on your own without your sleep injection. There’s a knock on your door, and you get up from bed to answer. Your father warmly greets you before handing you a package that is specially delivered for you. On the rectangular oddly black box there’s a title that says; DREAMER. You carefully pull back the box revealing the contents inside. There’s two sets of pants, one in denim quality and the other in a tight stretchy quality. There’s 3 dresses, all of the same length an inch above the knee, but different quality and forms. They’re all tight. And then they’re 2 pairs of skirts. One long in fine silk, and the other is below the knee. And lastly there’s 2 shirts. One long sleeve buttoned up shirt and one short sleeve buttoned up. And two pairs of shoes. 1 flat and 1 sportswear.

The only thing in common with all the new clothes is that they’re all in the color black.

A striking black that feels overwhelming. You quickly take your bath and eagerly get excited for what to wear. Despite the color, you’re enticed by the relaxing sweet smell. You decide to wear the black skinny denim pants and a long sleeve buttoned up. You get ready, eating breakfast with your family. There’s light chatter, but no one comments on your clothes feeling it… overpoweringly black. The moment the clock strikes 7 a.m. you leave like all the adults. Your parents wishes you well; father takes his bike to work, mother opts to walk to work while going with Chenle who eagerly takes his bicycle to school. And you, you smile when Jeno who’s riding his bicycle stops by your place.

“Cool.” His eyes marvel at your clothes. “First day of work.”

He’s also got on the regular nurse uniform. Full white long sleeved polo neck and some white pants with white shoes. He’s got a name tag over his left bicep jersey. “First day of work.” You reply with a big smile, getting on your bicycle and following along the same path that you normally took. Somewhere along some road you’d separate, but for now you’re just trying to relax even as you feel all eyes on you and your new outfit. It’s only now that you realize that everyone wears white so proudly like it’s their whole identity.

“They look so important.” He comments about your clothes. “In a good way of course,”

“I feel like I stick out too much.”

“Well yeah, there’s only one Dreamer.” He comments. “Two, if you I count you as well.” He smiles. He seems most happy for your work. “I can’t wait for you to tell me all about it. Have a good day.” He says before you both separate.

You get slightly gloomy when thinking of the fourth rule and how you’re never supposed to share anything about your training… oh yes, and finally the last rule. Five. You were now allowed to lie… but honestly, all your life you’ve already known how to lie. Subtle of course, but this rule makes you wonder if you’re lying would be taken to another level.

You don’t know how you feel about that yet, but so far, anticipation graces your presence as you ride your bike along the left side with other people heading to work either by foot or bike. It’s a long ride, as you recall the little map shown on your device. But it’s not like you really needed the map, the Dreamer’s layer was at the edge of the community, or like some liked to call it the end of the world. You’ve heard stories about people getting lost to the edge and never to be seen again. You never thought of them to be real, but riding closer and getting away from humanity and following the sole trial leading you across various trees before slipping into dry lands, you wonder how the edge looks.

You’re in absolute awe when seeing clouds formed as an outline all around the edge. Each community is separated almost by thousands of miles by these clouds blocking any vision to the other side. Each community is built up on a large structure preventing the people from ever seeing below. Despite the community being in the center, the edge would still be spoken about from everybody. And now you get to work closely to it…

There’s a little bricked grey residence. It has one large door, but so many large vines that look sharp spreading all around the exterior of the house. There’s no place to lock your bicycle, so you just put it down on the tips of the grass, and keenly walk the path to the grand door. You knock on the door twice - stepping back quickly when hearing a monotonous robotic voice. “Welcome. Please gaze at the sensor.” You turn to the device on the wall and lean close to ‘gaze’ at it. The door unlocks itself with a loud clicking sound. “Welcome Dreamer Y/n.”

After composing yourself and taking in a deep breath, you step through the door, watching it close by itself. There's nothing but a greyly lit corridor. You follow the steep corridor, only knowing that it's probably leading you. The passage gets narrow and dimmer, and so do your nerves peek high. You're pretty sure you're alone but for some reason you keep hearing… something. You can't make out what it is, it sounds like whispers running down. You turn another corner which is even more steep and downhill. But finally after much touring you come to a stop in front of a door. It's completely black and has the word DREAMER engraved in the middle. There's no handle for you to pull or twist, so you push the door instead- and like a rushing wind exploding in your ears you hear so much noise. Your eyes enlarge by the sight of the long structured tall room with a wide window view of rushing waters streaming down. "Oh my."

You step in holding onto a nearby rail as your eyes take in the room that looks so much like a garden but inside of a … fortress. You're standing close to the door on a spiraling staircase with a large and thick tree right in the middle. It’s branches spread up so high that they spread over the ceiling. The staircase leading down has an open view of the whole foyer. All the walls are filled with books and they go even higher. When your eyes reach the ceiling, there's a chandelier emitting out so many lights. Looking down, you're in awe of the particular setting. A one seat couch rests near the view of the floor to ceiling closed window, there's a circular glass table with curved designs holding it up. On the opposite side another long lengthen couch catches your attention as it flourishes with several pillows and blankets lacing its wide embrace- and it only has one elbow rest, but the other side is empty. Aside from that the one thing that really astonishes you is all the pot planets and the lively nature in the room.

You walk down the spiraling staircase not only looking at the tree but getting a look at the books. Titles such as Animals of the world, Philosophy of color- all peak your interest as you've never heard or even seen any of these books anywhere in the community. Finally making it down the stairs, your head moves towards another foreign large rectangular boxed object. A lift. The doors slide open and you’re immediately alert when someone walks out of it. It's the Dreamer. Aside from his clothing, his face alone has such a bold difference compared to anyone you know in the community. He's dressed in all black again, with a puffed jacket and a short hairstyle that embodied both rebellion and attitude and he emits such a bad character. He's scowling and muttering under his breath, also noticing your presence. "Great." His unoptimistic and bored underline tone of sarcasm speaks volumes to you. He's not happy. "You're here. Can't even enjoy these last days."

"I apologize for disturbing you. I'm Y/n the dreamer in train-"

"Shit." Your ears are tender to the words he says, and you even frown upon hearing a cursed word. "You think I don't know who you are?”

“Oh. I apologize. Good morning-”

“Miss me with that greeting." His footsteps are rapid as he makes his way to his personal space… another open section that you couldn't see from upwards. "Follow me." He drags out. And you follow with a distance behind. The open area is not long and stretched out with books, it's caved in white darkness (if that makes sense) but still has the scenery of nature. Unlike the previous room it has no windows but a large circular table. He turns around with such a crude face; rough but open. His lips prompt in a tight line. He takes a seat and you can't help but take a seat on the only other chair.

He lets out a sigh and rolls his head around his neck muttering things you can't hear, before finally addressing you. "So, why do you think you were selected?" His low voice cuts through the silence with a hint of boredom.

"I… uhm. Selected? Well, because…" You try to sort out your thoughts realizing that they are all jumbled because of his bored and… upset face. "The President chos-"

"No. I don’t want to hear anything about the Elders or freaking President, those people don’t even think for themselves. They never have. I want to know, why you think you were selected by me?"

"Oh." You feel hot in embarrassment when he cuts you off. "I apologize-"

You can't even finish your apology when he rolls his eyes and grunts out in annoyance muttering more words underneath his breath. He exhales audibly. "It doesn't matter. Just answer.”

You stare at him for a moment, thinking about how to respond.

“Why are you here?" He goes on finding your slowness irritating.

But you decide to stay quiet because you don't want to upset him even more. He seems like a really cold person… there's no word other than jerk to describe his cold demeanor. However, you'd rather he not have any bad feelings for you, then you having bad feelings for him. So you stay silent.

"Are you deaf? I asked you a question." But he's not making it easy.

“I’m here to be a dreamer.” Your hot lips answer feeling so stupid.

"That’s not an answer to the question I asked.” Staring at you like you're below him in every aspect. He sighs. “I’m here to be a dreamer. And she doesn’t even know why she’s picked.” He mimics and scowls muttering under his breath. “Did you review your rules?" You nod your head. "Can you state them out for me."

In the moment your mind tries to organize itself to answer, but he lets out another sinking sigh.

"Damn you're so slow it's annoying." His shoulders sag as he rubs on his temple. "With me you'll have to be more fast, so come on speak already." His voice slightly raises.

"Uhm, rule number 1…”

“I can’t hear you.” He deadpans.

“I apologize-”

“Stop apologizing. It’s fucking annoying just say the damn rules already.”

Your hands tremble unconsciously. “U-uhm, rule number 1 don't lie- I mean you can lie-"

His face scrunches as he waves his hand in the air dismissing you. "You couldn't even be bothered to learn the damn rules. Do you think being a dreamer means slacking off? Do you think being dreamer is easy work? Is that why you didn’t put in any effort? You wore the clothes but don’t have single sense in your head about what this is? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I apologize-"

"And stop fucking apologizing it's irritating-" He gets irritable quick and you're feeling so tense and hot and embarrassed. You've never left so uneasy, uncomfortable and humiliated before as he nags on. "Look. I'm going to tell you a very important fact right now," His voice deeply grunts. "I'm not going to waste my time with you if you’re not serious. Do you think you’re deserving to be a dreamer?”

“Sir I’m not too sure-”

“So why the fuck do you think you’re here?” Jaemin groans out.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you even want to be here? You’re showing no interest at all in this and it’s pissing me off. Since you walked in here you've ruined my whole mood and now after questioning you, you've shown me zero interest in being a Dreamer-"

"Sir respectfully speaking." You find yourself cutting him off with a trembling tone. "I think I want to leave. I think the elders have made a mistake in selecting me as the dreamer.”

“You want to leave? Leaving before we even get started? Wow. Leave then. You know where the door is. And don’t expect to come back tomorrow if you’re just going to be a slow nuisance.” He manages to pull off another disappointed look at you. And before he can even say another word, your fast paced footsteps lead you up the stairs and you push past the door almost running through the corridors and finally to the front door, thankfully the censor senses movements and the door opens. You run to your bike and get on it leaving.

You feel strangled and strained on your whole journey back, the tears being forced not to implore out as you ride your bike. But once you get in your house, all the compressed emotions come bawling out of your eyes as you stuff your face in your pillow crying out. You don’t know for how long you wail and weep out, you don’t even hear your mother and father knocking by your door. They enter your room in palpable worry. They look to each other and draw closer to your bed.

Your mother calls your name while sitting on the edge of your bed. “What’s the matter? I got a call from the Intelligence center that you returned home before work hours were over.”

“Mother I hate work.” Sitting up drastically and uncovering your face that’s blotched in waterworks caused by your excessive crying. Your father who’s standing behind your mother, equally looks to you with a down casted face. “I don’t ever wanna go there again.” Your shaky voice paired together with your cries has both Taeyong and Seulgi in shock.

Carefully your mother places her hand on your covered thigh. “But you’re the next Dreamer-”

“I don’t want to be a dreamer.” Your sudden blabbered shout gets the both of them in quick surprise as they take in your behavior. “I don’t wanna go there again! I don’t like it there! He’s so mean to me and I didn’t even do anything.”

“No shouting.” Your mother tries to calm you down but you shake your head getting erratic. “Young lady if you do not lower your voice this instant you will not have supper with us-”

“Please get out of my room. I don’t appreciate you guys not understanding me. Just leave and stop acting like you understand my emotions because you don’t!” You’re far too deep in your emotion to realize that you’ve just commanded and ordered your parents out of your room. But your parents too are in shock at your outburst that they allow themselves out the door as you bang the door. You get shocked by your own behavior but you get on the bed feeling so unfortunate and frustrated.

-

A light knock lands on your door causing you to sniff back as you open the door. Your father. “I apologize for yelling and being angry.”

“I accept your apology.” His tender tone makes you feel guilty for the upsurge you did this afternoon. “Would you like to come and eat?” Still with your head down you nod. “Good. Your food has gone a bit cold, but it’s still there.”

Walking out the room with your father, you come downstairs to see your brother still eating his food and your mother already finished and setting her empty tray in the center of the table. The middle of the table sinks in the tray and comes back up empty. Upon your entrance your mother sternly stares at you. You avoid eye contact as you make it to your seat. Sitting down, before even touching your tray you meekly look up to her stern and upset eyes. “I apologize for the ruckus I caused this afternoon.”

“You mean disturbance and the tantrum?” She has a deep frown on her face. You can’t even look at her. “Do you know where bad kids go if they don’t obey their parents? They get released. Immediately. Do you want to be released?” She questions sternly and you shake your head. “You have been greatly honored to carry the duty of being a Dreamer, and what do you do? You rebut.”

“I apologize mother.” You say again, sucking up your lips trying to find a way to bring up the topic in a calm manner. “Mother but I don’t-”

“I am not done talking young lady. Your distressed brother can’t even bring himself to eat because of your uproar.” She continues, making you pay attention to Chenle who still has his chopsticks in his hands but doesn’t eat.

“I apologize brother.” You speak.

He looks up with crystal eyes that would almost break. He stutters out. “I- I accept your apology.”

“I feel disappointed and upset in you Y/n.” Seulgi is vocal about her feelings towards you. “I was flabbergasted this afternoon.”

“I apologize mother.” But that only irks your voice to speak up. “But I’m also stressed and angry-”

“Precision of language.” She’s quick in correcting you. “Do you even know what anger is? You are not feeling angry; you are feeling annoyed and maybe even rebellious.”

“No I’m not. Why do you always try to correct what I’m feeling, when I myself know what I’m feeling? You don’t understand what I went through today- so how can you judge whether I’m angry or not. My mentor the dreamer is a huge jerk and-” You can hear your mother saying precision of language, while your father silently continues to eat in the tense atmosphere and Chenle about cry. “You don’t know what I’m feeling at all but you pretend to know everything. If you claim to know everything why don’t you be the dreamer. I hate it there-”

Your mother’s voice rises. “Young lady. Precision of language. And I’m warning you to lower your tone-”

There’s no way of saying this calmly anymore, as you’re already being fired up with emotions. “Mother you have the power to speak to the chiefs and elders in charge because you work as the head principals for all the schools in this community. I’m sure if you tell them about my amazing participation at the nursing center, then they can change me and put me there-”

“I will not use my position to carry out your obnoxiously spoiled behavior just because you had one bad day at work-”

“It’s not one bad day- this guy is a maniac! He’s so rude and mean!”

“How dare you speak like that about an Elder?” Your mother can’t get any more worked up then she is. This is something new she’s experiencing and Taeyong too senses the rising argument turning into something bad. He gets up and moves to Chenle helping him out his seat and leading him up the stairs to his room. He wasn’t allowed to see such waves of emotions.

“Father,” Chenle asks lowly in sorrow. “Why are mother and Y/n yelling?”

“Don’t worry Chenle. It’ll be alright. Just brush your teeth and get ready for bed. You can take your injection alone this time, while father goes to assist mother in trying to calm down your sister. Okay?”

“Okay father.” Chenle nods his head, obeying the words of his father. While Taeyong goes back down the stairs only to hear the escalation of the conversation.

A word arises in you in heaps of and you blurt it out. “No!” You complain. “It’s not fair.” Your chair falls back at you stand up abruptly.

“Precision of language!” This time Seulgi raises her voice querulously standing up as well evoking her authority over you and deep fury. How dare you talk back? Raise your voice? Say such nonsensical things? Stare her in the eye and continuously breaking and violating all rules of language. “What do you know about fairness? My decision is final and firm. You will go to work tomorrow and obey the Elder Dreamer! Do you hear me?”

“Mother-” You cry out.

“If you will not eat and continue to stand there quarrelling and arguing with me I will send you off to be re-”

“You’re so cruel!” Is your last resort of defiance to her word as you run off from the table and up the stairs. In another act of defiance, you bang the door causing everyone in the house to jolt. Chenle quickly places his wrist over the little robotic stand taking his injection so that he can sleep and not allow his mind to be filled with the worries of the house.

“That little girl has gone mad.” Seulgi storms up the stairs ready to issue you your first warning but yet Taeyong stops her.

“My wife please control yourself. You’re acting out of an unhealthy temper. Calm down please.” Taeyong places his hands gently over her shoulders. Even though touching was only allowed within family members, he still found himself agitated when holding onto his wife. He lets her go when his hands rest on for too long. She deeply breathes in and walks down the stairs to the living room. Taeyong places the other trays in the middle of the table before joining his wife on the couch. Very soon it’ll be sleep time. But he can’t sleep knowing she’s upset. He’s interrupted when the robotic podium by the door beeps.

“Please stand by for a transition.” They’re both up on their feet in an instant with beating hearts as a hologram programs itself and stands in the middle of their living room. They’re stunned to see the general suit of the President. His voice morphs out of the robotic voice into his voice. “Good evening residence of Taeyong.”

“Good evening sir.” They both bow standing straight. The hologram would only present itself in public spaces on special occasions, but seeing it in the middle of their living room they’re in shock. The president of all communities is standing right in their dwelling place. This is either bad or good. But after what happened, it’s most likely the people in Intelligence watching over the communities’ surveillance camera caught onto the argument that was happening.

“I apologize for appearing in just short notice.”

“We accept your apology.”

“It is with utmost importance that you understand everything that I will say.” President Johnny says strictly. “Your daughter has been greatly privileged in the position of being our next Dreamer. She’ll be held in the highest regards at her post. Do you know what that means? That in due time, after Jaemin will step down from his post, all elders will come to your daughter to seek advice on decision making. Including myself. She will be the one who makes the final decision regarding all 7 communities. She will oversee and be the eyes of our world. Your daughter has been selected to undergo a change in her behavior.”

The pressure is almost tangible.

“We’re well pleased with how you’ve handled her unruly emotions, however as protocol, we’ll need to punish her.” Johnny mentions, noting that their activities in the house didn’t go unnoticed by the people watching and listening over various platforms and gadgets. His plan, to lore you in and deal with you himself. Infiltrate your mind about Jaemin and hopefully have you on the president’s side.

“Pardon me President Johnny. Please don’t punish my daughter. It was just her first day and it seems that there was a misunderstanding between her and the Dreamer.” Seulgi politely inputs.

Johnny civilly smiles. “If I must explain why I have appeared here virtually, it’s to address the importance of the Dreamer’s work. It is the only Headquarters we have across all the communities, and thus it’s the only place that has no cameras, no earpieces and no way for us to check in. As elders we are blind to the things she will train about, the pain she will face, the hardship she will have to endure, however all we know is that Dreamer Na Jaemin chose her. If it were my daughter, I too would be concerned seeing her cry, but as he chose her, he saw her fit. Meaning she needs to learn to endure his prude behavior just for a little while.. After all, this is her job, this is the only thing she’s made to do. If she refuses, then we’ll have to release her. And that will be a great loss, not only for your community, but for all the communities. What a shame that will be. I can’t imagine being the parent of a child who’s failed.”

The pressure being put upon them is very much palpable. It almost feels like all the communities are depending on her to get it right. Is this really the great responsibility you’d have to carry?

“As you’ve stated that she shouldn’t be punished, I’m assuming you have a way to convince her to returning to her duty as the Dream Trainee.” Johnny says. “None the less, if she won’t be punished, then one of you will need to take her place. As I speak, there are two securities outside your door ready to take one of you or her. I truly apologize to bring such distressing news like this.”

“We accept-” Seulgi stops speaking when hearing that Taeyong isn’t saying anything. She turns to him and his face is tangled in a severe unyielding hassle.

“I’m sorry to inquire this President Suh.” Taeyong speaks up. “Is it possible for the Dreamer to choose someone else? I don’t deny the great responsibility it is to-”

“Taeyong.” Seulgi hushes him shaking her head. He merely stares at her before directing his gaze to the ground.

“She’s just a little girl. To put all that weight of pressure on her shoulders is-”

“At the ceremony we all deemed her strong. If we change her job, won’t it be unfair to all the other 20’s who might be in similar positions of not liking what job they’re in?” Even though that is highly impossible, Johnny tries to prove a point. In history of the communities, there hasn’t been a single person who has hated their post. For Taeyong to be saying that only makes Johnny understand that Jaemin most certainly provoked you. Johnny tries not to scoff aloud, at this rate Jaemin might remain the only Dreamer again. “Your daughter is not so little anymore and it’s with that behavior that we should send her into punishment now in order to confine her and-”

“No. Please don’t take her.” Seulgi speaks up quickly. Apologizing for interrupting him to which Johnny doesn’t accept the apology, causing the air to be tight. Seulgi puts an end to the visitation. “I apologize for our inadequate behavior. We will do what must be done for our community. Take me instead for her punishment. Her father-” Seulgi in hopes of keeping her family name honored stares at Taeyong. Trying to make him understand that value in society is important then whatever he was feeling for your bratty attitude. “He will talk to her.”

Johnny stares down at the two beings in firmness. Frankly speaking, aside from being president, Johnny really enjoyed making people in the community sweat with fear. It makes him feel really powerful and in control. “I accept your apology. Thank you for your time.”

The hologram turns off and a deep silence is spread throughout the room until a low knock makes itself known. “Taeyong, make sure to speak to her before curfew. We cannot be shamed.” Those are Seulgi’s last words as she makes her way to the door and following the two securities. Taeyong sighs hopelessly taking a seat on the couch. Not good.

“30 minutes to light out.” The distant robotic voice captures the attention of all residence dwellings. Taeyong gets himself up and makes his way to your room. He didn’t want to impose or force you, but it seems like he’ll have to do what must be done.

Entering your room without knocking, Taeyong finds you upright on the bed with a somber look. You already had a feeling of what he’d say. “Father please.”

“You need to be brave my daughter.” He lets out as he sits on the edge of your bed.

“I don’t wanna go back. I don’t want to be a Dreamer. Father please don’t make me go.” You cry out. “Please.” You try to subside your crying but it only turns into a tremble of hiccups. “Please father, can’t we just make a request for them to change me? I don’t want to be Dreamer. He was so mean and unfriendly. Please.”

Taeyong is feeling an overwhelming pit of hurt inside of him. He’s never felt like this before. But seeing you cry and beg only aches him to want to do something for you, but he knows he can’t. If he had the power, he would have recommended you be changed. But he’s not, and it would be unfair to the community. He puts his arms around you. You take a quick second to respond and confide in his embrace. “Father please.” You plead.

“You know,” He speaks quietly. Thinking of how to shatter you but in a light way. “Jisung is still in the nurturing center and he continues to fight for his chance to be a one. Just the same way he’s trying his best, I want you to try your best. Perhaps today was an unpleasant day, but who knows, maybe tomorrow things will be different.” He hears you crying, but he continues on with a heavy heart.

“But he makes me feel so incompetent and so stupid.” You hiccup the words out.

“So prove to him that you are not incompetent or stupid. Do your best my daughter. Because I know that you are not stupid. You are unique. There must be a reason he selected you. If he saw something in you the first time he chose you, then try your best to keep up with that image that he saw. You alone can handle this. It may be a tough journey, but I promise you my daughter, you will bring great honor to your family and for all the communities. You are worthy to lead us all, and I… believe in you.”

Precision of language. You hear in your head. But you don’t say it out loud. The word ‘believe’ has some kind of effect on you to take in what your father said. It’s better than the words of your mother. Your father believed in you, and that’s all that mattered for now. Even though you really didn’t want to go back to the Dream Headquarters, there was no other place you were put in. You were selected and it’s for that reason why all your life you felt different. Maybe it’s what Jaemin saw when he saw you. He believed that you’d be the next Dreamer. Whatever that meant.

-

Breakfast is quiet in the morning, with your mother not being present. You eat your breakfast and try to cheer Chenle up, who woke up extremely quiet. Waking up today, you felt encouraged from your fathers strengthening words. You didn’t want to wear the black clothes, but you had no choice. You picked out the dress that was buttoned down with a white shirt collar inside and tried to force a smile on your face. Giving yourself a pep talk. It worked well because you were able to cheer Chenle up… slightly.

“Father,” You ask as he leaves the door just as Chenle gets his bike ready. “Where is mother?”

Taeyong has no idea what the punishment was or when she’d be back. He simply smiles. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be taking Chenle to school. Try and have a good day at work okay?”

You gulp. “Alright.”

You don’t see Jeno along the path and decide to ride your bike to the unfamiliar roads towards the edge. Your hands ball over the material of the dress before you sigh in and walk towards the door. “Let’s try this one more time.”

Nothing’s changed upon your arrival, you still gaze at the censor and the door opens up in a creepy way, the endless halls feel even longer today and at last upon getting to the Dreamer door, you push it open. The only thing different today is that you see the Dreamer already seated on the single couch… sipping on a little cup. You push the door quietly behind you catching his attention. His head instantly springs towards the uninvited guest. Seeing you, his nonchalant gaze doesn’t change. “You’re back.” Great, he sarcastically groans.

You take in a sharp breath, feeling like you can smell the rushing waters and the pure air around. “Rule number one. Report directly to the Dreamer, Na Jaemin for my training. After training I should return immediately to my dwelling. Rule number two. As of this moment on I’m exempted from all rules governing rudeness. I may ask questions. Rule three. Aside from my sleep injection medication, I’m not allowed to take any other form of medication. Especially for the pain. Rule number four. I may not discuss my training with anyone. Ever. And rule number five allows me to lie.”

You suck up your breath with your hands behind your back watching him with a look of determination. Perhaps your father was right and your mother too was right. Yesterday was just one bad day, and it shouldn’t be how you define Dreamer Na Jaemin.

“Dude it’s like 7 in the morning, I just woke up.” He simply stares up at you shaking his head. “A good morning would’ve done the job just fine.”

“But you said, and I quote that I should miss you with that greeting. I assume you don’t like greetings.”

He sighs. You sound chatty today. “I don’t like those manufactured greetings that everyone is obliged to do. Have some personality is what I mean.”

“Personality?”

He deeply sighs rolling his eyes, stretching his hand and signaling you to come down. This time you’re quick in rushing down the stairs with loud and rapid steps causing Jaemin to turn his head back at you in discombobulation as he watches you spiraling down the steps with quick feet. Damn. Someone’s eager today. Before he knows it, you’re already down the steps and walking towards him hastily. You stop several feet away from him. Confusion… Maybe even muddled thoughts, is what’s happening in Jaemin’s head. “And then? What the hell? Why’re you beating down on my floors like that? Fuck, do you want to break them?”

“I apolo-” You stop yourself from apologizing recalling how irritated he got when you kept apologizing. “Yesterday you told me to be fast.” You explain. “My intentions were not to break the floors. However, I made no such move to destroy your floors by walking on them.”

Jaemin sighs and rubs his head. “It’s too early for this.” He mumbles and waves his hand over to the long couch opposite him. “Take a seat. I was just having my breakfast.”

You wish to apologize for interrupting, yet your head tilts to the side in confusion when seeing him attend to his own breakfast instead of it being delivered by the table… Come to think of it, and by the looks of it, his table did not look like anything you had in your house. Instead, he’s got a tray… a little… cup. You think. You’ve never heard of a cup before. Everyone in the community used bottles. Even before you came down… your mind made reference to the cup he was drinking from. He leans forward taking a knife utensil in his hand and spreading a thick substance over bread… the bread looks a shade black and you blink twice in astonishment. Your eyes try not stare in absolute confusion or dread, but when you meet his eyes and watching as they’re already on you with an amused smirk, you lean back and sit up straight. “The community eliminated simple breakfast such as toasted bread or chocolate spreading because of allergies erupting, intolerance or even things like smell or color- which you can’t see.” Jaemin mutters.

“I apologize- I mean… I don’t apologize.” You clear your throat looking ahead and away from him as he eats his food. The things he said about allergies, smell and color… are all new to you.

He sighs and shakes his head continuing to spread ‘chocolate’ over his toast. “Give me a second to eat and I’ll get back to you.” His eyes peer at yours before he continues eating, ignoring you. Frankly speaking, he didn’t think you’d come back. With the way you cried before leaving his layer, he already deemed you as unfit and thus feeling like he made another horrible choice. However, you’re here. And he has yet to ask you why. But for now, he eats his food, as you stare back and forth to anything that catches your eye. The tree staircase. The books on the wall…

You’ve never seen so many books before. In classes, the only person who had a book was the teacher as she/he taught everyone. You and the rest of your classmates were assigned to remember and memorize the words she said by brain memory. You’ve never opened a book before or see more than one. So to see all the books on the wall has you hooked.

“You can take a look at them if you like.” Jaemin mumbles nodding to the thing that has captivated your attention the most. Your head snaps back to him politely smiling and looking back. Getting up carefully, holding onto your skirt. You walk towards the books, being careful of the floor, hearing your shoes tapping on it. Nearing the long shelf of books, your eyes with interest read over the titles on the spine. Over each shelf there’s a little metallic bar that has titles for each section. Science fiction, fiction, paranormal etc. You get drawn to a certain title that’s on the far left near the lift.

‘Reality’. Looking the books that surround the shelf, one captures your attention… ‘Dreamscape’ You carefully pull it out of its slot. It’s a hardcover and it’s black, with a heavy font title. You’ve never opened a book before, but you can already expect the type of things to be in it. For one, it should be words. Yet, for some reason, in this book… instead of words you see… pictures. Odd pictures that play with your mind and intelligence.

“That’s a good pick.” You cover the book quick turning to the side seeing Jaemin’s hands stuffed in his gown pockets as he enters the lift. “I’m going to change.” He mumbles. Soon the elevator closes and he’s out of sight. Turing around you see his breakfast still on the table. Still with the book in hand, you walk back to the table taking a seat, you look through the peculiar pictures being in awe and even amazement of what you’re seeing. Thankfully after every picture on one page, there’s a back page with the illustration of artwork.

‘Dreamscape. A noun. A realm taking place in a dream. It can be shaped and changed by skilled dreamers. A blank canvas on which dreams are formed. It can also be daydreaming deeply. It duplicates a fanatically fascinating scene as seen in a dream.’

The pictures you see are things you’ve never seen before in your entire life… yet with the longer you look… a name comes to mind. Your eyes are in pure wonder by the obscurity of the art being displayed. There’s something eerie about the pictures yet so insightful. You end up getting freaked out by the eerie similarity it has to reality. To think that these things exist is off putting. As this book is called the dreamscape, would it mean that you’ll be seeing more of these things?

Your eyes move to the table, where one color of the cup stands out to you. You place everything on the tray and pick up the tray looking for a disposable place to put it. It seems like the dreamer Na Jaemin doesn’t have any of the recent modifications to his house. Everyone has the same layout of their houses, but Jaemin’s house… or rather the Dream center doesn’t have the same things as out there. You end up not exploring the place and just leave the tray on the side of the table after cleaning up the space nicely.

“I’m gonna just kick off with where we brutally ended off yesterday.” Jaemin’s presence is brought back in the room when he strides towards the table. He notices that you’ve cleaned up the table for him. He inhales inside as he takes a seat. “But before I start, I just wanted to excuse myself for how I behaved yesterday.”

Your ears are attentive to that. “If your mood was spoiled upon my presence, then I truly apologize. I was nervous and unprepared. I took up your time and for that I apologize. I can assure you that I am a fast person and-”

“That’s not necessary.” He tightly smiles bowing his head to scratch his nape. “You caught me during a bad time. And I dare even say I’m used to being alone and seeing you in my house just threw me off guard. So when you showed up, I was already up here-” He motions with his hand as if motioning a bar. You assume he was already upset.

“I accept your apology.”

He looks like he’s about to speak again, but after hearing you he sighs and shuts his eyes. You hold onto your fingertips wondering if it’s because accepted his apology that he got upset. “Do me favor. When you’re here, try and not be… robotic.” He opens up his eyes peering deeply into your eyes. “See it like this. You’re now a Dreamer, you’ve got nothing to apologize for. Here, in this place, with me, you are free.”

“That’s a… precision of language.”

“What is?”

“Being free.” You utter lowly. “That evokes unrestricting behavior.”

He smiles at that. “Trust me. When you’re here with me, you’re free. Freedom is not what they’ve taught you. For as long as you’re here with me, everything you’ve been taught in school will soon be put to shame. So, let’s start again. Why do you think I picked you?” He prays that you’re prepared this time.

Already having prepared the answer at home, you respond accordingly. “I assume you picked me because of my excellent scores in academics. I have shown a keen understanding in almost all of our communities rules and how our world works and-”

Jaemin merely blinks staring at you. His eye twitches nonchalantly in irritation but he tries to compose himself. He can’t fathom that this is how his life is going to be from now on. You answer on as if you’re being questioned for an interview. You ramble on about the things you’ve done in your classes, projects and in all honesty they sound great, but to Jaemin he doesn’t give a damn about your achievements. So when he cuts you off, it’s because he’s tired of hearing you speak. “Your robotic voice is already doing the things it shouldn’t be doing. Tell me about the day you first noticed that you were ‘different’. That something seemed unusual in this bubble world. The day the sky turned blue, the day you fell asleep without taking your nightly dosage. I wanna hear about that. Being a dreamer is not so much about your excellence in projects, it’s more so about seeing beyond. It’s what caught my eye when I saw you.”

You nod slightly, feeling your heart beat slow down by his calm demeanor when addressing you. “Seeing beyond… would that mean seeing something that others can’t?” Jaemin nods his head. “I don’t know if I’ve seen beyond, but I can confess to seeing something in the sky… You called it blue. It’s what I saw. The sky was blue. But would this mean that you’ve been watching me all the time? Is that how you were able to tell?”

“Honestly the first time I laid my eyes on you was three days, riding your bike while looking up at the sky. I work in Intelligence, so I’m in charge mostly for the injections and serums that the community takes in order to remain ‘the same’, so I get noticed when someone doesn’t take their injection. Which is rare. But after seeing you, I noticed that your record captured that you’d often take your injection late and not at the same time as everyone.” Jaemin lets you in.

“But, President Johnny said you weren’t haste in making selecting.” What can this mean?

“I wasn’t haste. I saw your eyes.” Jaemin states, this time his eyes… doing something to you. “And I already knew. You see, the serums and injections are modified and cultivated by the Dreamers of the past to keep everyone the same. But you, aren’t the same like them. You can see beyond. Our duty as Dreamers, is to make sure we’re bound to never repeat the mistakes our descendants of the past made in destroying the world.” Jaemin gives insight, to which you’re surprised. “If you want me to be frank with you, I chose you off a hunch that you saw the blue color in the sky.”

“Color.” You say slowly…by the new word that just formed a second ago. Not only color but all sorts of new words; utensil knife, cup… These are words you’ve never known before. It looks like today Dreamer Na Jaemin seems to be willing to share something with you. “Will you be… sharing with me what color is?

For the first time, since you’ve been here, Na Jaemin displays a smile. “You’re here for one purpose. To dream beyond the infinite universe. I will transmit to you all the memories and all the dreamscapes I hold.”

You clear your throat. “I would be very interested in learning about your life,”

“No, not my life. Memories of the everything before the war.” Jaemin smirks a little. “You will learn the secret history of the world. About the past long before you were born, or even me, or even anyone in these damn communities. Generations dating back. You’ll learn everything. So, as the memories come, words you’ve never heard of before will also sparkle into your head as if you’ve always known them.”

“I’m not understanding…” You say lowly. “Memories of the world?”

“Yes, the large world we live in, not just here in our communities. There’s much more, so much beyond what we know. I received all of those when I was selected too. And here in this room all alone, I re-experienced them again and again, it’s how the wisdom comes, and how we shape our future. For example, color. These are sights to behold, that fill life with kinetic energy. You can see the color blue now, but in due time all the colors will manifest themselves. When they’ll come, instantly catch onto it’s name.” Jaemin gets up and begins to drag the glass table to the side. Once he’s done, he scoots his chair closer to you, your knees almost touching.

You feel uncomfortable by his proximity and shift backwards in your seat, creating some space again. Jaemin notices this, but doesn’t say much as he holds out his hands. “You see, no one in our community has any memories of the past. Only me. When the elders need guidance in things they’ve never experienced, I provide wisdom. Which will now be your role, using the guidance of the memories of the past. Our community thrives in avoiding anything that will lead to the disasters of the previous world we’ve left behind.”

Confused is what you are. But you don’t voice it.

“Give me your hands.”

“My hands?”

He nods his head while removing his leather black jacket and then holding out both of his hands.

You unwillingly stretch your hands to him, peering up at him … you gaze onto the palm of his hands when seeing a rectangular darkened shape right in the middle, it’s small but it’s dark enough for you to see. It’s exactly the same like yours. On the palm of your hands there’s also a rectangular shape in a shade darker. “Isn’t touching prohibited?”

“With me it’s not.” He takes your hands in his and you shiver just by how cold his are. Jaemin feels your soft hands tilting his head to the side when gazing at your nervous ones. “In anyway, if this hurts, let me know.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“I’ll open your mind.” Holding your hands firmly by aligning the rectangular shapes onto each other instantly as if being in a trance you fall unconscious blacking out.

At first it’s just darkness like sleep as you see nothing. The blackness soon fades, leaving little flickering lights coming clear to your vision. Next thing you know, you can’t feel Jaemin’s hands anymore… but it’s like you’re transported to some other place. And then that’s when you feel it. The sound hits your ears first, before you feel the pressure of the wind against your face. Your eyes follow on as you flatter them to open. Instantly your view is engulfed by the optical sight of wonder. Your eyes enlarge… the skies, the clouds passing by rapidly as you’re on some sort of carriage, vehicle.

The odd word comes in your head. There’s no roof and you seem to be navigating it. Your hands are on a circular object, you turn it lightly and it causes you to shift the vehicle to another lane. You’re in awe the shades and hues of… color as they bounce out of the black and grey and turn into… colors you’ve never seen before… At first you see blue first, on the skies… and then on the grass, a bright refreshing pop spreads all over into…green… you think. Not only that, you notice your hands as a shade brightens your skin, the wheel of the vehicle and eventually also the car itself spreads into a color that you can’t really tell… or catch onto the word.

Instead of wondering about the color, your ears get engulfed by the wind, it swirls in your ears whooshing past your hair and tingles your skin. The speed of the vehicle increases when you press down on something. With the road narrow and endless, you smile as you look out the window of the vehicle enjoying the sights of everything…

Until-

You’re jolted awake briskly snapping your eyes open! “What was that?!” You hastily pull your hands away from Jaemin backing up in fright as you stand and look around, your back hits the floor to ceiling wall window and you rapidly turn around. You can’t even follow the sight of the waterfall, because your eyes are trapped on the sudden… colors forming over the landscape that was once grey… the waterfall has shades of blue as it continues endlessly down, while the scenery of grass and trees and shrubs dealing downwards turn… green. Despite your eyes being open your mind is transported back to that memory of the vehicle you were in… “Car.” You turn around in disbelief shock, as your hands reenact the scene of how you were driving the… car. “It’s a car…”

Jaemin is shocked that you catch onto the names fast. He wasn’t expecting for you to get it that quick. He hums out in understanding… so this is what happens when he’s with a real dreamer… and not when he tries to force someone to be a dreamer. “Yeah, that was a car. It took me a while to get it, but you got it on your first try. Good job”

“What is it though?” You ask curiously (subtly remembering that he just complemented you) walking back to the chair and taking a seat keenly leaning in to hear what Jaemin has to say. “That car, why don’t we have it anymore? It was… extraordinary.” You’re speechless but the enlarged smile on your face has Jaemin lightly smiling for a bit.

“Well, for starters, cars ran on engine and fuel which sometimes would pollute the air. Bad gas in the air caused harm to the earth and different lands harboring crops. Alternative solutions were made to reduce air pollution, such as the car running on battery instead of gas, but with that also came complications of its own. One problem leading to another problem.” Your ears take in all this new information of the foreign thing you were on minutes ago. You listen well, as Jaemin explains. “But for now, I don’t want you to pay mind to why we don’t have it. I want you to… use your senses, to live in the dreamscape, to feel, touch, taste, see, hear, experience all these things. Here, let’s do another one.”

Eagerly you lean close and place your hands out. Jaemin keenly blinks, already knowing that the dreamscape is your favorite activity.

This time you close your eyes eagerly waiting for Jaemin to hold onto your hands. And he does so, his manly rough hands don’t hold you too tight, but his grip is firm enough that this time you literally feel… it may sound odd, but you literally feel your skin merging into his.

Meanwhile Jaemin too shuts his eyes as he inhales deeply deciding to give you another type of dreamscape memory vision of another type of vehicle. It’s like transferring his conscious into yours as you receive the vision, as your hands unconsciously hold his grip tighter… not wanting to let the scene pass you by. Unlike the previous dreamscape vision memory which was a… car in a large field and endless road, in this scene, you shiver lightly and watch as your breath creates a visible air. You notice that you’ve got on such a huge jacket as well as warm pants and… gloves. The odd word forms in your head. There’s something on your head too, protecting you from the temperature drop. A beanie. You rub your hands as your eyes watch in pure innocence at the sight of little whites falling from the sky and landing on the ground. This time the sky is not blue but it’s murky grey and white, the ground is also white and with every step you take, you see your footprints being left behind.

Being interested in something far into the distance, you trudge towards it feeling the ground being a lot heavy as your steps sips into the floor. You get to the weird item on the floor. It’s wooden, shaped in a rectangular manner and has handles. Seemingly already knowing what to do, you get on it holding onto its handle and then… all of a sudden your eyes enlarge as the wooden craft moves along and slides off the white floor… which is a mountain. Holding tightly onto the rope handles, your mouth opens wide in pure delight feeling your cheeks get frozen, yet the beam on your face replaces the cold.

You’re back with a jolt looking around being saddened that it ended all too quickly. “What was that?”

“The dreamscape comes with a name, go ahead,”

You try to think hard, trying to know what you were on. Letting go of Jaemin’s hands you move to the floor and kneel on one knee while lifting your arms up pretending to hold onto the ropes again as you think. Not even a second passes when your curious eyes open up again. “A sleigh. Sledge. Right?”

Jaemin nods his head being content that you’re catching on quick.

“But why would they want to remove that? It was so fun-” You rapidly stand up in pure confusion of why something so fun was removed, but then you recall the whites… “There was something else. The ground and air were different,” You open your palm looking up to the ceiling remembering how it feel down.

“Snow.” Jaemin assists you.

“Snow.” You repeat and bite your lip holding onto your cheek as you recall how cold it was. “I was wearing so many coats and my shoes were large. Did my parents have snow? Did you?”

“No, no.” Jaemin shakes his head leaning back on his chair. “It’s a very distant dreamscape. That weather is known as winter. Here in the community, you’ll soon notice that the air and humidity is boxed in a level cool stratosphere. Each community has it’s open bubble. Not too hot and not too cold.”

“Oh, would that explain all those clouds on the edge?”

Jaemin nods his head. “Yes. The ‘mist’ on the edge is the barrier between the communities. Anyway, back to the dreamscape, we don’t have snow anymore because of climate control,”

“But, why don’t the people know about this?” You shake your head, taking a seat again as you think of all the communities in ‘bubbles’. “What’s so dangerous about the dreamscape, or memory of the sledge?”

“What’s dangerous?” Jaemin pretends to wonder but then shrugs his shoulders. “For a sledge you need snow. Snow is cold. The cold destroys crops. Which meant that farmers couldn’t farm. But to ride the sledge you’d need to be on a mountain. Unpredictable weather tagged with hills and mountains was dangerous altogether, made it difficult to transport food. Transportation used trucks, trucks are large vehicles, bigger then cars. If the truck slipped then fire would erupt destroying not only the crops but the truck and the person in it. The list goes on hunger, starvation, famine. With good, also comes the bad. In the previous world there was no balance, as mother nature also did what it wanted. But with the communities, we’ve created balance.”

“But sure some things can be prevented. In the communities, we don't even make our own food, so to eliminate some things is just unfair,” You reach out your hands. "Show me more."

This time Jaemin takes a look at them before looking back into your amazed eyes. “Let’s go for a walk.”

You draw closer reaching your hands out to him, causing him to smirk. “A real one. With those two transportation parts that you call legs.” He lowly chuckles, getting up from his seat. You follow right next to him, taking notice of his height and long legs. You try to keep up. He begins to go up the stairs and you follow him until you catch onto another color.

“The sleigh was that color.” You point out onto a book that seems to stand out of the other grey books. But upon looking at the wall of books again, you’re surprised when colors like green and blue are on some spines of the books. “Come to think of it, also the car was this color.”

Jaemin’s eyes peer to the book you’re pointing at. “Red. For your information, the car you rode was a convertible with a hood down. Expensive car. We’ll come back later and then I’ll explain what it is that I want from you.”

“Okay.”

The walk with The Dreamer Na Jaemin is very interesting. It’s like your eyes are opened for the first time, as your eyes marvel to the sudden pop and revelation of color… red, blue and green. Not only that, you also see fades of the color on people’s clothes. For one you and Jaemin are wearing black, everyone in the community is supposed to wearing white, however you see lighter shades of red, blue and green on them. “Dreamer,”

“You can call me Jaemin.”

“Oh,” You nod your head. Being stunned for a second that he's actually kind of… humanly generous. “Jaemin. I wanted to ask, how many colors are there?”

“Many. Pink, orange, yellow, purple, red, green, blue and more.” Jaemin nods his head. “You’ll see them all in time. But our community or rather the previous Dreamers chose to do away with all that. Race, religion, colors.”

You have yet to ask what race and religion mean, but you slightly get upset at all the wondrous things being taken away. “But why? Color is beautiful, can you see them all?”

“Yes,” Jaemin sighs. “I try to dye my hair with all the colors, hoping that one day someone might notice something.” But nobody ever does. Here in the communities, aside from the pastel colors of sameness, there was nothing really to admire, which is why Jaemin liked to sit in his headquarters, because he’d fill it up with so many colors, make the room come alive. For example while his headquarters had lively colors bursting out, here in the community Jaemin would watch at how workers would install fake branches on a prototype steam to create an illusion of a tree… only problem was that the tree wasn’t it’s actual color. It was a grey brown, but in the community the people would see grey, and the leaves were a white green, but the community would see white. Everything nature would bloom would be cut out and here in the community everything would be remade plastic. Even the grass has a way of looking real but not being real. Jaemin turns to you, your upset face really gets him remembering how he also felt when his Dreamer… Moon Taeil, would explain why a lot of the things were removed. And not mention Jaemin also helped in removing many things. “They created sameness. Because if we were different, it would lead to people being envious, angry, resentful, consumed with hatred. We need sameness.” Jaemin concludes. “What do you think?”

After his response, you kind of agree to the benefits of sameness because your everyday life was filled with sameness. But now, as your eyes take note of the pastel colors, you wonder if really it would be so wrong. “I agree that we need sameness.” Jaemin hums while stuffing his hands in his leather pocket.

You both stroll on the paved ground, while you notice new things, Jaemin's eyes move around the stillness of the community, of the people walking like mindless clones of each other. He hates leaving his headquarters and walking around, because he always gets upset at the reality that everyone is living.

Being a dreamer, means living with a world that exists only in dreams. There’s nothing that he craves for outside of his dreams, because this reality has nothing for him to live for. So as you chatter about how differences should be put back and it making people individual, he’s mindlessly in his own head eyes fixed on nothing but his own thoughts.

You stop speaking when noticing that he isn’t answering to your questions. “Dreamer?”

Nothing.

Wanting his attention on you, and not knowing how else to get it, you stop right in front of him- but you’re surprised that he literally bumps into you- instantly blinking his eyes and looking down at you. “I apologize- I mean sorry.” You instantly say, seeing that indeed he’s not even focusing on where he walks. “You zoned out.”

He inhales and exhales smiling a bit. “It happens.”

“I want to ask something. The Dreamscape…” You begin as you look up to him. He folds his arms nodding his head. “How… How does it happen? How are you able to… make me see it, and feel and hear and just… be in it?”

“Nicely.” He smiles, and your eyes are fixated on his teeth, his got a pretty smile. This is the first time he’s smiling. He breathes in deeply and peers his eyes around. “Shall we sit?”

“But there’s no bench around,”

Jaemin begins to remove his leather jacket and moves underneath a tree. You follow behind him curiously, wondering why he’s going down on his knees and placing his jacket on the ground. You’re even more surprised when he actually sits down on the floor and pats his leather jacket. “You can sit here,”

“On the floor?” Your eyes enlarge. It’s only your second day, but so far all the things he’s shown you and said, is such a great taboo… So of of course sitting on the floor is natural for him. You timidly but quickly follow and sit on top of his leather jacket as he nods his head. He’s got his back against the tree with his knees arched and his arms around it. You simply tuck your legs underneath your body sitting next to him also facing forward. “Why are we sitting on the floor?”

“Back then, sitting on the ground, or rather on the grass was known as a leisurely activity. Others would have picnics and gather around and spend time with each other while admiring the view and beauty of nature.” You try to picture what he says, but the scene already is so bizarre. People sitting on the floor… for fun? You can feel just how everyone else is feeling, especially when other people walk on the sidewalk and glance towards you and Jaemin like you’re weird. No one else is on the grass, and the gardeners can only glance in confusion before continuing their work of installing fake trees. “This isn’t even a real tree. It’s designed like one, but if you look at it… it can’t compare to the ones back then.”

Your eyes go on the tree… and you see nothing unusual about it. It has a cylinder circumference and has leaves on it. “How else is a tree supposed to look? Because I can assure you the tree in your headquarters is a lot weirder.” You question.

Jaemin smirks and holds out his hand nudging it in your direction. “Take my hand,”

“People are around?”

“So?” He chuckles softly. “Just hold it, I’m your trainer I wouldn’t do anything that’s not of your interest.”

“Really? Because rule number 5 says you’re allowed to lie.” You state. “Does that mean you lie?”

“For personal amusements, yes. To you though,” Jaemin shakes his head, his eyes literally peering into yours, making you feel… self-consciously aware of your feelings, as you feel air bumbling in your stomach. “I won’t lie.”

Without saying anymore, you place your hand in his and as he closes his eyes, your own vision blacks out, blocking out your real world senses and instantly being transported to a vibrant place.

The first thing you feel, even before you open your eyes, is the warmth all around you, almost like a heat so palpable. Your eyes flatter open and you look up to the sky trying to adjust to all the light pouring in place. The sun rests high on the sky… you can’t tell what color it is, but with the way it emits its warmth over you, has you grinning. You navigate your gaze back to the lower level immediately being immersed by so much- you don't know what to describe first. Grass so green sprinkled with little white flowers… or the fact that the vastly large field is so great and wide that it encompasses so many people… or even the fact that there's so much life spread around the field. People in different clothes and body sizes. People; sitting on little blankets either in pairs or groups and even alone, or others sitting directly on the grass reading over books, some even lay on the grass. Taking in the scenery around you, your ears are filled with the sounds of laughter and joyous chatter and even a serene peace.

Your eyes are taken to a red carriage as a woman pushes it. She's got on a beautiful dress. You can't tell its color but you know that she feels so comfortable in it. She brings out a little blanket and spreads it over the grass before placing a basket on it. Next she brings out the baby from the carriage and showers the child with so much affection that your own eyes widen. How can she display that in public? Her smile is so large as the baby wiggles in her arms. She cradles the baby as she sits on top of the blanket. Three young boys walk up to the blanket carrying several of things and they place it down, one boy instantly brings out this weird almost slopping bread and eats it with a wide mouth. Another boy… gets out an oddly shaped object and directs it towards the other boy who's not even paying attention. He does something to the object and out squirts water. You jolt when seeing the spring shower of water come out of it. It causes the other boy to be wet.

He audibly laughs before bringing out his own object and out of it also comes water. The both of them are chasing each other across the field while the boy eating pizza stays close to the woman… probably his mother.

"Come and sit,"

Hearing the voice from behind you, you spin your head around only to notice Jaemin… Your eyes enlarge so much when noticing the shadow first on the ground and then the roots spiritling out the ground and morphing tall and high around a large bark… it stretches meters high and large and with so many branches sprawls out leaves… "A tree…" You marvel at it.

Jaemin smiles, watching you being fascinated by the sight. "Told you it's not the same," He says as you draw close and near to him.. Your eyes are solely focused on the tree… getting close to it, your hand spreads out and lands on the oak. Feeling it's texture underneath your skin, your breath is stolen yet again when another color begins to manifest.

"Br… Brown?" You look down to Jaemin who nods his head. You turn around and the of course the new color brown begins to highlight certain people, objects. You smile and take a seat next to Jaemin… But noticing your own clothes. You jump back seeing all your legs being revealed. Your arms cross over to hide the exposure however you notice the denim shorts you're wearing. With socks around your ankles and a simple shirt tucked in, you look to Jaemin, only seeing him in his usual black clothes… but his body proportions are a bit toned in size, such his muscles. "What am I wearing?"

Jaemin chuckles and pats the spot next to him, over the blanket. "Those would be clothes."

His one answer has you launching out so many more questions to him. Jaemin lets you ask away as you lose your mind in delight about how this exists and why don't we have it anymore, about the people, the clothes, the grass and tree and sun- you even question his smile and biceps!

"What? You don't like seeing me smile?” Jaemin questions jokingly. “And how can you not like my biceps? I worked hard on these,” He flexes his muscles- which you respond by laughing nervously… You don’t know how to react as he continues to pump up the veins over his muscles.

“No!” You get flattered holding your hand out and shaking your head. “No, I mean, you can have your muscles and smile. It’s just…” It’s weird. You think to yourself. A day ago, he was the enemy, and you had prepared yourself to dislike him but now… he’s smiling.

“Starting off, you asked how is all this able to happen,” He sighs before crossing his legs and leaning on the palm of his hand. “This is a dreamscape. A dreamscape is a place where reality has been stripped away, leaving only the illusion of it. An illusion. So all this, is like living inside of a dream.”

“What’s a dream?”

“Normally, when you sleep, you’re supposed to get dreams. Dreams… Dreams are like reality, only except it’s created in your head. Your mind creates visuals, imaginations that go beyond our world. Same with a dreamscape like this, it has all the same qualities of the real world, but just more. These are real things that have happened, to someone who’s had this memory. I’m just transmitting it to you.” Jaemin somberly smiles before his eyes turn a bit distraught. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

Your heart pumps fast as you find yourself asking after a while. “It is. If this was all real once, why did the Dreamers remove it?”

“Sameness is sickening, but the past Dreamers were convinced that we needed sameness, and so here we have it.” He says. “The burden of a dreamer is removing little things from the real world because of the harm they can do. Dreamers live with all these dreamscapes and memories with no one to share them with. The people in here seem real, but they’ve long passed. All this is a memory. It can kind of make you feel lonely.” He vulnerably answers quietly. “I’ve only been a dreamer for 4 years, and I'm guilty of also contributing to removing things from our boxed up world."

"Why?"

"People take advantage of the little." Jaemin recalls Johnny. "So why allow it to remain and slowly turn ugly? Its not like a do it because I want to. I read the signs fast and act on it. It burdens me when I do it, because then I'll be the only one with the memory of it, but I know it's for the greater good of the community.”

“Greater good? I've never understood why there's one Dreamer, but surely keeping all that to yourself isn't healthy, it's… it can be depressing. Now that I’m a Dreamer you can share that loneliness with me.” Jaemin simply nods his head. “So for how long did he you train and how long do you expect me to train so that I can understand why you and the previous dreamers removed things?”

“Well for starters, I don’t intend on rushing anything with you. Like President Johnny said, we can’t afford another failure.” Jaemin sighs and closes his eyes feeling the wind pass him, your eyes watching how his hair flows with the wind. “It takes 2 years to train a dreamer fully, but Dreamer Taeil trained me in under a year before he died.”

“What’s died?” Your eyes enlarge by the new word. “And what do you mean, you can’t afford another failure?”

“He kicked the bucket. He was released to elsewhere. As for the failure dreamer. Before you, in another community there was another selected Dreamer. Let’s just say, the president didn’t really approve of him being a dreamer and wanted me to work longer.” Jaemin speaks in generic terms. “Anyway, our job as dreamers is to hold onto memories and dreams and give guidance to the Neorists, not try and create rebellion or make things harder for everyone. Let’s take a trip down memory lane-” Jaemin stops his speech when seeing you put out your hands, but that has him smiling coyly. “I mean with my words.”

“Oh.” You retreat your hands looking bummed but still eager to hear.

“They lied to you." Jaemin starts off already breaking the ice. “Each community has a large surface area being enclosed by this bubble high up in the sky, it manages the weather, controls the air, and if need to be done can control the people. Your teachers were taught a lie, and thus taught a mass number of students lies. Everyone here has believed in a lie and made that lie a truth.”

“What lie did they believe?”

"That sameness is the answer." He leans forward his shoulders hunching. “We’re trapped in a bubble. Forced to start afresh every damn damn time something goes wrong. Like new born babies. The bubble keeping us in pours ignorance in the air. Making everyone to not only forget, but to remain indifferent.”

“Why?”

“Why we’re trapped or why we’re ignorant?” He smirks, but doesn’t find it funny. “Well to answer both, we’re trapped because the world outside this bubble is infected with a disease so strong it can kill you just by breathing it in. And we’re ignorant inside this bubble so that we don’t cause panic amongst everyone. Tell me, would you say our community is perfect?”

“Yes it is.”

“Why?” He follows up.

At this point, from birth it’s already been engraved into your system. “Our communities have no sicknesses, no fear, no pain, no envy, no hate, no troubles. Everyone has enough, nothing more and nothing less. We can all survive peacefully. And not like the times during the war.” You nod your head.

Jaemin nods his head almost sardonically- sarcastically getting you to stop instantly. “At this point its mere head knowledge, why would I ask. You’re right. This community is perfect. We’ve cured diseases such as cancer, diabetes, corna, and so many more viruses too.” You’re confused at the weird words he’s saying. Were those diseases of the past? “Everyone in the community thinks and acts the same because of the serum injections. All the tasks here in this community are done manually and the people do routine tasks on the clock for the rest of their lives. We’re just lifeless humans. Just moving and advancing the community. I can say we’re trapped, but the community would say otherwise. The people in here don’t know what’s out there. They just know that the world outside is places that have never recovered from the war. They make us repeat over and over that we’re lucky to be here in the communities, and to some extent, I agree. But really, if the people knew what’s out there they would lament just as we Dreamers do, but one brave Dreamer saw that it wasn’t fair for everyone to be sad so he allowed for only one Dreamer at a time to carry all the burdens and joys of this earth. And made everyone believe that there’s nothing out there for us that we're better inside. My only problem is how, I have to live with the pain of carrying all these isolated memories. The community, they have never known pain.” He thinks. The realization makes him feel desperately lonely. “But there’s nothing left to do but continue and not allow them to feel pain.”

“Honestly. I can’t lie.” You shake your head. “The truth is, with the little you’ve shown me, all I want to do is show others.”

"I know it's tempting." Jaemin looks to you. “I’m able to transmit to you these dreamscapes through the palm of my hands. These rectangles in the palm of our hands, is what makes you and I different from everyone else in the community. Without this, they can’t see what we see.”

“But why? How?”

“They’re known as birthmarks. It’s like this, once you look up to the sky, and see something odd it immediately does something to your body. You get this.” He opens the palm of his hand showing his own rectangle birthmark. “Everybody can look up to the sky, and all of them miss out on that one thing that changes everything. It’s the first time you break the bubble with your eyes and see the sky, and see the color blue.”

Again, the memory comes to you, of the first time you noticed the sky changing in hue… in color. In blue.

“What’s believed to happen is that, Dreamers are crying babies.”

“Crying baby?”

Jaemin nods his head. “Fate. From the moment you’re born in this community, you breathe in the toxic air to forget. You’re then brought up in a way that shapes and molds you to the communities needs and wants. But as fate has it, there’s always 1 crying baby. Every 10 years I can say 1 crying baby is born. That crying baby is already fated to be the next Dreamer. It’s just fate. Some of the past Dreamers would usually just keep the memories to themselves for a very long time until their death clock would strike at the age of 70 some even 90. But others, saw it fit to give up being a Dreamer and let someone else carry the burden.”

Your mind wanders off to the Nurturing Center, to that one crying baby. “Dreamer Na but you've only been a dreamer for 4 years.” You pause and look at him. “Why are you giving all this to me?"

Jaemin bites his lip looking away from you. After all that's happened in the accounts of him being a dreamer, he doesn't want to be the one carrying all of this nonsense. Life made no sense. "I'm not strong enough."

"And who decided that?" You question, causing Jaemin to look back at you with a strange look. "Dreamer Na. The communities can benefit from your knowledge too."

"It's not that simple. I don't possess all that courage. I get angry easily and I give in too easily. Those in power have driven me insane. Giving them one innocent dreamscape has them slowly turning it into a burden. It only takes one person to ruin the good in something so beautiful."

"And you think I am?"

He breathes in turning to you. “I’ll be truthful with you, seeing you yesterday, as my replacer, really pissed me off because… you looked like a mindless robot, like someone who'll put up with their crap. It seems like I’m wrong, you're more strong then me. I mean, the fact that you're back after yesterday shows that you have patience.” Jaemin leans his back on the tree. “Being a Dreamer is not just carrying the memories. It’s having wisdom and knowledge of seeing far beyond to protect the interests of the community. And not allow the community to take advantage of you and cause a downfall. I feel like I've sent the community in that path, and I want to rectify it before it's too late. And so far, you’re on the right path but you don’t seem to understand what’s so bad about releasing all this to the public. We’d need to work on that, but otherwise I'm confident that you, once I’m done giving you all the dreamscapes, all the memories that I poses, you’ll be the Official Neorists Elder Dreamer of all the communities and then you can see the corrupt power and change it.”

“And what about you?” You question.

“I want to be released.” He admits. “I can’t keep living in this life, with only dreams and no sense of purpose. I don’t want to be in a box anymore.”

Your ears are sharp in catching the things he’s saying. Yes you thought of him as the enemy, but hearing how he wants to be released it’s… not something you wish- especially if he can also help you to give the communities all these dreamscapes. “You’ve said, so many words that I couldn’t understand… So many words I don’t know, so many things I could hardly process, but in everything you’ve said, you’ve shown me so far a mindset that's trapped.” His head slowly turns to you, looking into your eyes. You look to the side, the people, the area, the sun, the air, life… “Dreamer do they look like they’re trapped? If the world was like this… I want to bring it back. Not be… trapped. I want to wake up and make choices for myself not follow a routine schedule. I want to drive in a car, feel the weather, eat whatever those kids are eating.” You try to think of words to describe this feeling bubbling inside of you… “This dreamscape should be something joyous not burdening, hearing that you want to be released is something my conscious can’t square up. I admit I didn’t like you yesterday, but today I want you to be part of the new world we as dreamers can show to the community. I don’t know anything, but from this little, my whole heart just wants to be free.”

Jaemin is completely awestruck in wonder by everything you’ve just said. You called him weak in 3 different tones.

“So, Dreamer Jaemin, I want to learn, teach me, show me more. Show me the way.” Your iris, Jaemin can see the color of your soul. A burning flame, a little flame that has been lit and will soon turn into a blazing fire- raging against everything in its way. Your unhinged soul that just breaks free and wants more. He can see your heart and eager desire to just break that box. He can see how you look like you’re so ready to get out of this box.

And he has to admit, he's kind of wishing he didn't give up so easily.

-

“Modern Day Terminology Of Slang.” You read out as you sit on the side of your bed. Opening up the cover of your book, you begin to read out in privilege to have all the knowledge of the world. After Jaemin brought you back to reality, he took you back to his headquarter whereby he gave you a book to read. He asked you to be equipped in your language and speech. As you learn new words, you will be able to use them and understand them.

You were ready to learn. You were ready to do whatever it would take, to break free from the ignorance that you were put in.

Your eyebrows knit in confusion when you hear a soft wailing sound. A cry. You tilt your head to the door and see footsteps flicker underneath your door and out of sight. That’s Chenle walking. You get up as well following the sounds of the cry that get louder when you open up your bedroom door.

“Wow, is that a year 1!” Chenle marvels.

“I’m sorry Taeyong, but I tried everything I could.” Getting down the steps you see a nurse holding up a little carriage with a wailing baby inside standing by the door. “But no matter what I do, he keeps crying. Plus you said you’d look after him.”

“Hey there,” Taeyong says softly before running his hand down the baby’s face, and the baby coo’s lightly. “Are all his things inside?”

“Yes.” The nurse hums. “I apologize for the inconvenience.”

“I accept your apology. Thank you.” Taeyong says, as he bids a light smile to his coworker and then shutting the door.

Your eyes glance at the baby. “Is that Jisung?”

“How do you know the child’s name?” Your mother Seulgi looks to you before facing Taeyong. “The poor baby crying on his first year? That’s sad.”

“Unusual too.” Taeyong hums as he brings the hand held cubic carriage to the living room. “Y/n met Jisung the other day at the nursing center. He cried there too.”

“You want to keep this baby?” Seulgi stares into Taeyong’s eyes with worry and concern, and that alarms Taeyong.

“Would you like to issue me a warning? I assure you, that he’s not trouble when he’s quiet. It’s just for a little while. Till the little guy catches up.”

Drawing closer to the baby, as Chenle yaps on about how the baby is cute and how the baby should sleep in his room, your eyes remain on Jisung’s hands. You only see it a little, but it’s enough to tell you that you have the same mark as him. Your eyes widen slightly as you lean in close to him, while your father pats his head.

“If the elders agree, then he can sleep in your room.” Your mother says to Chenle.

“Attention. Please stand by for dinner.” Your eyes drone out the robotic voice announcing dinner time, your full attention on the little baby who’s quiet underneath your father’s touch. You almost don’t need to see his birthmark to know, you can feel it. After everything that Jaemin said today, there is no doubt in your mind, that Jisung too, one day, he’ll be selected to be a Dreamer… until then you have to make sure to keep the dreamscape and it’s memories alive, so that you can transmit it to everyone.

Getting to the dining table, you remove the lid of the tray and begin eating just as everyone does, in silence. A while later, your father begins the conversation by asking everyone about their feelings for the day, asking to go last so that he can share some good news.

“So how was it?” Your mother curiously asks peeking at you after sharing her own feelings. “What feelings can you share with us tonight?”

You finish chewing your vegetables and nod your head. “It was good. I felt happy.”

“That’s a relief.” She smiles, causing you to smile as well. Yesterday night was a rough night for everyone. Tension so high. However tonight, it’s peaceful. With baby Jisung sleeping in his carriage, Chenle eating loudly, your mother Seulgi being back despite not being here in the morning, and your father Taeyong with a good news announcement to make.

“What did you do?” Taeyong asks.

Your eyes instantly recall Jaemin’s smile. He’s got such a striking smile. It’s a shame he doesn’t smile often. It’s a shame he wants to be released. “We just talked.”

“What else?” This time Chenle asks, also in wonder of what his big sister does.

Your eyes snap out of Jaemin’s sad smile as you meekly glance at Chenle with a timid smile. “That’s it.”

“You seem different today.” Seulgi notes.

“How so?” You ask and look at her.

“You’re smiling, and you’re not complaining about your trainer.”

You smile and look to your food again. “Well things changed. He’s not so bad of a guy. Not like the way I painted him out to be.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” Your mother Seulgi is peaceful by your statement. After last night and her taking the punishment for you, she wasn’t prepared to go back to that… place of isolation. “That leaves you my husband,” Seulgi smiles softly in the direction of Taeyong. “What is the big news you want to share with us, and how are you feeling?”

“Well,” Taeyong wipes off his hands once he’s done eating and placing his tray in the center. A wide grin grows on his face. “I have been promoted to being the Director of The Givers in the nursing center.”

“Amazing.”

“Wow.”

Everyone on the table cheers on in joy for your father. “Thank you, family. I’ll now be in control of the father givers and birth mothers. My tasks include tracking, reporting and documenting the procedures of the mating process. Submitting report backs to other communities and receiving information for the delivery room.”

“Well done my husband, you are now of high esteem in society.” Your mother proudly acknowledges your father.

“I can’t wait to grow up.” Chenle cheers on. “I want an awesome job like you all.”

After dinner, you get in your room and read on a few more chapter not even noticing that the time has gone past your sleep time. You enjoy reading so much, finding the book so interesting, filled with words you don’t know but yet provide a definition to those words. It’s almost like a dictionary, but this time with words not on the normal dictionary. Hours pass, and you’re surprised when a yawn leaves your mouth. Immediately you glance at the clock seeing it’s way past your bed time. It’s 11 p.m. You shut your book after reading one last passage, before you ‘dive’ on the bed… a slang term you just learnt. Before you can inject yourself to sleep, you find yourself slowly drifting off… by yourself.

And… it feels strange. It’s like you’re spiraling round and round in a trance, just like the one Jaemin does when he’s about to show you a dreamscape. You get surprised, when you find yourself opening up your eyes to a scenery so familiar… the green field. However this time, you’re all alone on it surrounded by large oak trees and flowers of different shapes and sizes and even colors- you especially like the red flowers… roses.

Your body is suddenly awakened when you hear a knock on your door. It’s already morning. Did you just… have a dream?

You’re greeted by your father who gifts you a box. “On the third day of your new work, all 20’s receive this. It’s known as an alarm clock. If you set it up it’ll ring in the morning, and it’ll wake you up. Instead of me always waking you up.”

You smile bringing out your new gift. You try to examine it’s color… but all you get is white and grey. The color is not yet unlocked. You get ready and dress up in white socks and the long sleeved black dress that ends above your knees.

“Jeno!” You greet happily upon leaving your house. “It’s been forever since I last saw you,”

“Precision of language.” Jeno snickers. “Forever hasn’t even yet happened. I think you mean, it’s been 1 day without me.”

“Oh,” The slangs you learnt last night, are rubbing off on you. Feeling embarrassed a little, you shake it off. “Yes.”

“Hey look, we’re almost matching.” Jeno notes to his own polo neck and your dress polo neck. Getting on your bike, you and Jeno both ride alongside each other. He tells you about his first and second day. Of course all the nurses love him and he is carrying out his duties well. “What about you? How has being a dreamer been so far?”

You’re reminded that you can’t share anything about your training, but that doesn’t stop you from telling Jeno little things. “At first I considered my Dreamer trainer to be a bit of a handful,”

Jeno peeks at you, bringing out his hand. “Did you just say h-handful? Precision of language.”

You giggle. “Trust me Jeno, there’s going to be so much precision of language with me.”

“Glad you’re enjoying yourself. So what does it mean?”

“It means he was obnoxious.” You deeply inhale and exhale. “But yesterday, we got on well. I can’t wait to see what we’ll do today.”

“That’s good.” Jeno smiles. “Did you hear about the new serum injection that we’ll start taking?”

“No.” You shake your head. “I’m not allowed to take serum injections anymore, only my sleep injection.”

“Oh.” Jeno looks to you with wide eyes. “Well this serum injection is said to be made by the president himself.”

“Oh. Interesting.” you think to what Jaemin said about those in power. And so when arriving, you’re met with Jaemin eating his breakfast. You make your way in brightly greeting him as you sit on the long couch and read your book. Jaemin puts his tray away before going to dress up. Jaemin must admit, he thought you’d be annoying, but your presence in his house does him some good. He puts on his usual clothes before heading back upstairs. Upon arriving, you ready yourself to learn and receive something new.

“Today, I’m going to touch you a bit differently.” Jaemin says rubbing hands together before stretching them. “You showed a passion for learning yesterday, and I thought about your lessons very thoroughly. I made a timeline of what I’d like to teach you, what you should know and everything else in between. This training will involve a lot of studying from your end. I’ll be giving you a book every week, so try your best to read fast. If the books are bit bigger you’ll get two or three weeks to read. Our lessons will be divided in two. First half will be transferring of memories, and second half will be discussion and theory.” Jaemin gives you a brief of everything you will be doing for the next coming of days, weeks and months.

“I can’t wait,” You eagerly smile nodding your head.

“Alright, so let’s start with today’s lesson.” He claps his hands getting up from his seat. “For this to work, I’ll need your whole body to be attentive to me. Do you think you can do that?”

“How?” You ask.

“Lay your back on the couch, and your head on the armrest. Pretend like you’re lying on your bed.” You nod your head and follow his words. Removing your shoes remaining in your socks, you lean back and lay on the couch. Your head over the armrest and body firmly straight over the couch. You place your arms over your stomach and watch him draw near to your head. Watching his face upside down, he tells you to relax before placing his palms over the sides of your head, giving you a dreamscape.

That’s how the days’ progress.

With you coming in every single day and resting on the couch as he touches you to make you enter the dreamscape. When it’s over, you go back home and read the book he gives. Before repeating the cycle. It’s never a dull moment with Jaemin. With his type of power, every day truly feels brand new. You enjoy so much that at times you prefer to stay longer with him, just to have him touch your hands or even head as he gives you astonishing dreamscapes and memories.

Your mind enjoys spiraling into the dreamscapes, into a whole new world, whereby you’d see things for the first time and tell him what they are. At some point, Jaemin joins in the dreamscapes with you in order to give you a better understanding, and honestly, you slowly but surely like it when he joins in with you. He’s not such a bad person after all. He’s very considerate. The first time you met him, he wasn’t so compliant with you, but now it’s almost like he’s a different person. He allows you to talk to him, ask him questions and to just be… free around him.

“And you're telling me you're not strong enough?”

"I'm not."

You shake your head. "Give yourself some credit, you're a lot better at living life then me. You know what is means to be free." He simply smiles… A smile that you like seeing on his face.

Together with Jaemin, you enter dreamscapes and he dares you to perform the stunts of bungee jumping, swimming in cold waters- he teaches you how to eat different types of food and… live freely in the dreamscape. You see sights and sounds that you have no words to describe. Different countries, continents, cities- places outside of the community.

You look at him. “You should really take your own advice, have faith, believe, live. How better would it be if everyone in the community really were just in authentic commune with one another? Had their own individual thoughts,”

Jaemin tilts his head looking at you. “You really want the community to live like that?”

“Don’t you?” You question.

“Knowing what I know, it’d be hard for the community to ever reach the height of all these feelings.”

Paired together with Jaemin’s teachings, you always want to be captivated by him and everything he knows. Traversing the dreamscape together only made you feel so alive. Various of people, with interesting looks and features, cultures and heritage. People living in various parts of the world, separated by waters so deep and large all around.

With every dreamscape you awaken as if you’re thirsty for more. “What was that? They were two of those children who looked the same,” Your eyes glisten and sparkle as you ask curiously.

“Twins.” Jaemin sits on the headrest, his hands on your head. “Born identical, but each have their own soul. Just like you and me.” He smiles whenever you’re fascinated. You especially like it, when you ask a question that’s so good that he taps your nose. “Good question. Here in the community, they find twins a bit… eerie. So they’ll release it, they release the one that’s not heavy.”

Every day, there’s a new dreamscape, a new wonder to marvel at. You get excited, when he begins working with your ears to hear what the previous world sounded like. Music. “Listen.” He’d say after allowing you to enter a dreamscape whereby all you could hear was sound- singing, melody, lovely words and voices that would bring you to tears. You got lost, the good kind of lost when hearing all these performances.

Concerts, operas, performances, theatricals- sounds so powerful that they captured your heart. Symphonies and lullaby’s, the old and young singing together- even dancing.

Dancing, attending places with you… Holding you close to him. Your heart has never felt this much content before. Was all this really forbidden? You don’t know what to think, what to believe. All this was once reality… how could it all just stay in a dream? “Don’t accept what is the truth, just because it’s coming from someone you respect, you need to think with your own head, your own heart, your own spirit and soul. Set it ablaze and don’t let that fire in you die.”

Other times he’ll sit on the couch and hold your hands, allowing you to feel and touch things you’ve never even known. Weirdly shaped creatures panting and walking on all fours- dogs and cats and some ‘pets’ that he says aren’t even pets such as squirrels, rabbits, and snakes. He gives you the feeling of touching and holding things. Your hands can’t get enough. It’s on days that he holds your hands, and you hold onto his a little bit more tighter wanting to feel every inch… Something in you shifts the moment you stop taking your sleep injections… You begin to dream… Dreaming is the best part of the night, especially when he’s also in your dreams.

Getting to work, at times you’d look at him a little bit longer, a little bit softer when he spoke. In response he’d playfully smile or tap your cheek telling you to focus. “I saw you in my dream again,”

He smiles. “Oh yeah, what was I doing there?”

“I don’t know.” You tilt your head smiling softly.

“You know, sometimes the dreams can reveal to you, your own memories.” After getting lost in your eyes for a bit, he’d slowly bring it back to the lesson. “Memories are not just about the past, they determine our future. You can change things, you can make things better. Like last time we spoke about lady period pains, but now with pills, no lady experiences that.”

“Yeah, but at the cost of losing something else.” You say focusing back on the lesson.

It’s life to the fullest. Not what the community has. It’s life, but it’s complete. Jaemin even shows you things… that make you blush. Couples kissing, making out… Even in your own dreams you get pushed into seeing more. You never hide anything from Jaemin and tell him your dreams… minus the fact that other times he’s the one to kiss you.

“I just don’t understand, what’s so dangerous about a couple of people who admire each other?” You ask.

He nods his head. “The word you’re looking for is love. Let me give you an exercise, ask your parents if they love you, and you’ll hear their response. Hopefully you’ll see why it’s considered forbidden.”

At the table with your parents you’d pop up the things that Jaemin would ask you to do. And of course your heart damages when releasing how badly the community has been brainwashed. “Precision of language dear. You mean, do we enjoy you. Love is meaningless. A word that is meaningless.” It’s what your mother said.

“Why would they remove that?” You enter into the Dream headquarters with your question being a greeting. “Why would they remove love?” You question going down the steps rapidly while telling him what your mother said. “That actually hurt… But after what you showed me, about love being… this… this…” You huff. “Jaemin, wouldn't you be so…so… So happy if someone just told you that they loved you?"

He chuckles a little. "I'd be at a loss of words too."

"So tell me, why did they remove love?” Jaemin’s eating his breakfast, but still addresses.

His response. “Because love is complicated and brings out either the best or worst in people. Love can bring upliftment of emotions, as well as heavy jealousy. Some acts of love bring out the best in people to be the best version of themselves, while other types of love is toxic and only keeps people stagnated and feeling lonely feelings. But, don’t think about that now, let’s just live in the dreamscape. You’ll see everything has it’s ups as well as downs and ways to be solved.” His eyes too, you could feel that he could sense something forming between the both of you. But with the months already spent together you try not to get distracted by your feelings. Your parents are more than happy when seeing you smile. From time to time you meet Jeno… and for a little bit, you’re able to distinguish his feelings and thoughts without him having to say anything.

He likes you. But you can’t reciprocate that because… you think you’ve fallen for someone else. Someone who’s held your hands and made you experience things you’ve never experienced before.

“I touched it… picked it up.” You try to explain what you held. “It was shining every time the sun shined on it. Hard and see through, it’s a…”

“A seashell,” Jaemin helps you out and you agree with the word remaining in your brain forever.

On some days, Jaemin will sit on the edge closer to your feet where he’ll hold your legs- tickling you and even massaging you, but in the manner of showing you a dreamscape concerning legs. Each dreamscape being different and so surreal. People mixing together, walking such long distances, sliding down zip lines, jumping off places with protection, dining in the sky, running and doing all sorts of activities, the list goes on. It never ends. The dreamscape is so infinitely vast that you can’t believe it sometimes.

“Dreamer Na,”

“Why don’t you just call me Jaemin?”

“I call you Dreamer, when I want to persuade you.” You giggle as he furrows his brows. “I’m feeling giddy. I want to see people my age, do things, please show me something,”

Once, Jaemin had showed you what it's like to attend a college party, in allowing you to learn about how reckless the youth were known to have been back in the past. Of course the start of the party was peaceful, with only a few people, you and Jaemin drinking cold drink and dancing together, before it turned a little wild when more people kept pouring in. Cold drink was turned to alcohol, Christmas music was turned to grinding music, dance floors were made, some kissing in the corner, others disappearing in rooms to do 'the deeds' as Jaemin would say.

In the dreamscape he remembers how he had to take you to the bathroom to freshen up - he wanted you to have the college experience, and to say that you did was an understatement, you were literally still a youth so Jaemin understood. But after helping you drink some water, he walked you back out only for you to stop by the top of the staircase…

Maybe that's where his feelings for your evolved. You turned around, your eyes still sparkling from being tipsy. His one hand held your waist supporting you, while his other hand slowly cupped your neck.

"What's wrong? Do you feel like puking?" Concern all over his face trying to make sure you were okay. Because he'd hate to bring you to reality and you couldn't even stand without feeling dizzy and wanting to puke.

Nonetheless, you didn't even mind that. Your mind, body and soul were preoccupied. Your body felt hot. Your mind wanted something… your soul tried to reach his through your eyes. You looked down at his lips before back up into his deep brown eyes, you could only shake your head as you leaned closer, your own hands getting used to the feel of his waist. Your eyes glanced once at the ceiling, hoping he'd get the memo. And he did.

A mistletoe.

A light chuckle came upon his face as he saw the green and red decoration hanging over the ceiling. "What does that mean again?" you had asked feeling your face getting on fire just from seeing his profile. He looked back down at you, leaning close to your ear: "Let's get you back before we accidentally overdose on this memory,"

And then just like that, the dreamscape finished. And like a side effect, in real life you were still tipsy. Jaemin laughed at you but still took you to your dwelling. He advised your parents to just give you water and let you sleep.

“How about today, I show you mother nature,”

“Who’s that?”

He grins. “Give me your hands, she’s really beautiful.” He jokes but shows you signs of wonder, such as; water that glows like fire known as lava, you even see creatures that once existed such as dinosaurs, birds with big wings! Fields of ice, water so cold that it freezes, animals such as polar bears, fish and many more all twirl in the sea. Night skies that are filled with so many dancing colors. Colors! Colors that fill up your every vision in amazement. He takes you up mountains that take days to climb but feel so satisfying when you’re done and at the climb and look out to the view being in awe of the world.

The outside world is huge, and every day is not the same, as Jaemin has you hooked and riling you into a world of pure imagination that was once reality.

After every dreamscape, you sit and talk with him. Mostly you talking in joy and heaps of excitement and him, listening and adding in. “It was water and sand tingling at the soles of my feet,” You smile as you describe to him, exploring new words.

“The beach was always known for that,” He says nodding his head. “Let me show you, a waterfall,”

On regular days, he’s simply giving you the adventurous dreams and asking for a description of what you see. On most days, he’s teaching you of history. “It was believed that they came before us,”

“Monkey’s came before us?”

“You know, when these living things, these animals were around, they were a lot like us. Only difference is that they had fur and spoke in animal way, and they also knew they’re parents.”

Parents. It’s when you also learnt the twisted truth of what father givers and birth mothers actually were. They weren’t people in love, they weren’t even a couple. They’d put medication and sleep with each other, to produce children. You were devastated, you still are surprised. To think that the people you’re living with aren’t even your real parents, but parents that the community has given you in order to not feel like you didn’t have parents- and also for the parents to not lament that they don’t have kids. In order for the community not to be siblings, birthmothers and father givers were changed frequently, so that the crime of ‘incest’ a new word you learnt would not begin. That was only a small little portion of the pain that Jaemin would show you. Once in a while… when he did show pain, you weren’t able to handle it…

“I cannot prepare you for what you’ll see. But I promise you, it isn’t real.” He’d say before holding your hands tighter.

Thieves. Liars. Crimes committed. They started out as little white lies, before it turned bitter- accusing someone falsely and the person going to ‘jail’ for a really long time. Other people who did not have enough, would steal from those that had. Stealing things that were valuable and destroying trust. Jaemin only showed you those little things… but in you… you felt so bad. If the people of the past had enough, or if they only told the truth…

Other times, Jaemin would show you… poachers. Attacking down animals and stealing their skins, horns and meat… “Jaemin I can’t…” You said with tears in your eyes… “The poor animals…”

Jaemin immediately after his few attempts to show you the pain, stating that you weren’t ready. And he slowly eased back into showing you good memories. Although you preffered the good memories better you often wondered how many more of those depressing burdened memories did Jaemin have…

“I saw something, at the foot of the mountain just now.” You sit up and try to explain to Jaemin what you saw… “It was like a place… a dwelling,”

“Home.” Jaemin nods his head taking a seat back on his couch. “It’s different from a dwelling. A dwelling is not a home. A home is more. Its family soaked nuzzled up together and soaking up each other’s awesomeness.” He smiles warmly. “But all jokes aside, a home is a very safe space to be, it’s where you can rest and get away from all your stresses and worries. Most importantly it has a bed. A warm one. In my case, it’s that couch you’re sitting on. I don’t know how to describe it, a home…”

He shows you soft visions of things to calm you down. Camping at night with bonfires, while someone played guitar in the backgrounds. “If the fire wood ran out, would we need to use the guitar?” Other questions, you asked for comic relief, and thank goodness Jaemin would laugh.

He told you that in the next year, he’d begin to show you the pain. Until then, you’d ‘fall in love’ with what he showed you now. He smiles a lot during lessons, especially with stories he’s really interested in. You can’t get enough of him, enough of everything he has shown you. Although you remind yourself of the importance of inheriting the dreamscapes in order to be the next Dreamer…another part of you just wants to be forever with Jaemin.

“Do you still want to be released?” You ask to Jaemin when he walks with you back to your dwelling. “After showing me everything?”

Jaemin sighs out. “Yes.”

“Please don’t.” You shake your head. “Just… stay with me a little longer. Jaemin I can’t do a lot on my own. I still need you to show me a lot.”

He smiles gently looking down at you, he pats your head. “It’s why I’m still here,”

The unlocked colors begin to make an entry into your eyes and after some time, you can actually describe and see Jaemin in color. Plus you notice that the community around is in pastel colors, every house hold has their own color. Your family is a light shade of yellow and white, Jeno’s family is peach and white. Colors all light and almost white, monochrome colors is what Jaemin calls it. From time to time when coming back to the reality after leaving the dreamscape, you get disappointed with how much the Dreamers took away.

The one thing you really enjoyed doing after work, was looking at the sky. Laying on the artificial grass looking up to the sky seeing the clouds swirl around the sun in a pattern, in a design, in color. Your vision is soon cut short when a head pops into your view. You blink several times seeing Jeno. “Hey Jeno,”

“Hey? Don't you mean good afternoon? Have you fallen down?” He questions with amusement. “Do you need immediate assistance?”

You chuckle lightly getting up on your own. “I was just looking at the sky,”

Jeno nods his head and looks up too before his gaze gets back to you again. “Yes, because it’s totally normal to be laying on the grass and looking up to the sky.” Jeno says out sarcastically making himself laugh. “Months ago, I’d say you’ve gone crazy, but now I guess it’s really happening. You’re becoming the dreamer” He breathes out. “You’re seeing things. What’s it like?” He asks. ���I know you’re not allowed to share your teachings, but come on, even a little ‘sneak peek’?” Jeno uses the word you once taught him.

“Jeno you should be heading to your dwelling.” You laugh a little.

“I saw you and just wanted to…” He scratches the back of his neck. “See you.”

“Okay,” You nod your head after looking at him for a while with a smile.

“So, are you gonna tell me another sneak peak?”

You breathe in tilting you head. “Give me your hands. I want to try something.”

“My hands?” Jeno questions, but still lifts up his hands nervously placing them over yours. You hold them tightly and closing your eyes as you focus on the sky. “Look up, and tell me what you see?”

“Uhm. Okay.” Jeno looks up and squints his eyes. “Nothing really,”

“Come on,” You urge him with a playful smile. “Concentrate.”

Meanwhile as you try to urge Jeno to see something, in the surveillance room, the workers are shocked at your contact. They write out an issue of warning, before dating it and sending a call to their supervisor. Haechan who’s getting off his drone piloting around the community walks past the surveillance footage room and furrows his eyes when seeing his supervisor watching a camera footage of… you and Jeno. He lingers around for a bit, wondering what would happen in this situation.

So far, with the months of training that he has had, he’s learnt that being a pilot and watching over the community is hard work and pressuring. As his eyes were literally the helping eyes of the President. Him along with everyone working in the surveillance room who would fly little drones around the communities and 'hide' information about the President's law breaking. Haechan clocks out and begins riding his bicycle to the place where the footage captured you and Jeno. And strangely, you and Jeno are seated on the ground. He draws closer to you guys in hopes that the surveillance guys don't call in the president. “Hey,”

You and Jeno peer up and instantly your smiles light up your eyes. “Hey!” You then turn to Jeno. “How come you want me to say ‘good afternoon’, but you let Haechan pass with a ‘hey’?” You jokingly ask, causing Jeno to snicker.

“That is because you’re the dreamer.” Jeno responds.

“It’s been so long since I’ve actually seen you, Y/n” Haechan announces his presence again, getting your eyes to look at him. He smiles when getting closer to you and Jeno. “You look healthy.” Is his way of saying he missed you. “Why haven’t you guys gone to your dwellings? And why are you sitting on the grass?” He asks.

You and Jeno both look to each other before you speak out with a smile. “I convinced Jeno to stay a while before we go back to our dwelling.”

“Yeah, and I’m filling her in on how my work life is going, since she’s not allowed to tell me about hers.” Jeno fills on. Following onto Jaemin’s rules, a lot of the times you simply went ‘home’ from your trainings and you never conversed much with Jeno or Haechan. As they were both scarce sometimes. But really once in a while, you tried to make an effort. “Come join us, and then you can tell Y/n how your training has been.” you par the ground next to you.

“How about I show you," He looks to the ground weirdly before nudging his head.

Following Haechan, you and Jeno are brought to the surveillance tower headquarters. It’s shaped like a dome. “Wow, Haechan.” You look around the high view of almost the entire community, seeing the symmetric and robotic patterns of shape and platforms all being the same. It’s either houses are in squares or rectangles, grass outside is also in either squares or rectangle spaces. It can’t even compare to the things Jaemin has showed you. “This is quite a view, you’ve got here.” You say. One day, you’re hoping that they’ll get to see what you’ve seen.

“You should see me when I’m high up in the sky in my drone,” Haechan shows off in your direction. Having not seen you for a long time, he actually missed your feminine presence between him and Jeno. Your voice and the way you showed interest always made him feel one way. “When I’m flying, looking down on everything, it’s like I’m seeing things for the first time.”

You look to him and nod your head. “I can relate,”

“Really?” He chortles. “Thought you said that you and the Dreamer only sit and talk.”

“We do.” You simply nod your head, not giving him any more information.

“Well in anyway, I’m allowed to fly past the mist, and sometimes even into other communities.” Haechan shows off in a playful tone. “I even get to go to elsewhere and past the edge.”

“The edge,” That peeks your interest. “Really? What’s it like?”

“For one, it’s really dry lands and like… a downslope.” Haechan explains but Jeno scoffs.

“A down slope? Lying isn’t good Haechan.”

“I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m telling the truth. It’s like the earth tilts downwards going down a rocky path.”

While Haechan explains it more, Jeno continues to doubt, but you nod your head knowing he’s talking about a mountain. Jaemin mentioned that the communities are up over hills, built on level headed ground that makes everything flat. “So many secrets,” You whisper.

“Secrets?” Haechan leans back over the view and looks at you. “You’re the one with secrets,”

“I really don’t have any,” You tell. It’s not a lie, but it’s also not true. The only secrets are your trainings.

“I guess that means I really am the only one with interesting training,” Haechan jokes. He continues to explain all that he has seen and you want to so desperately let your friends know of the world beyond.

“You said you work closely with the president?” You question.

Haechan nods his head, trying to not let out anything. Aside from you, his rules also allowed him to lie. “He calls on specific units. My unit is in charge patrolling. So I get morning and night duty. On days that I’m on night duty he’ll ask that I make sure that… everyone is inside their dwellings as I help him… distribute things in all communities.” Haechan subtly lies and nods his head as you hum. “So, in three years’ time they’ll chose our partners Jeno. Who do you think you’ll get paired up with?” he tries to change the topic.

The question has you immediately thinking of Jaemin. Next year he’d be a 25 which meant he was permitted to have a wife. You slouch a little, not wanting him to have someone else. After getting to know him for so long, you think you’ve fallen for him. However, in the mist of you thinking about him, you can’t see the eyes that fall on you. Not only from Jeno, but from Haechan too.

Being a 20 with them, meant that you’d also be partnered up in their age group. The only problem, is that this partnering up was not made out of a love connection, but more of a strengths connection. Every partner has to be compatible with each other, and it’s up to the Neorists to decide, not you. It’s how they make ‘parenting’ work out. Being so deep in thought, you quickly snap out and glance at your two friends only to be surprised at the stare down they’re having with each other.

“I hope I get you.” Haechan says to you. “I think we’re very compatible.”

“It’s clear that the Neorists will pick me. We’ve spent a great amount of time together.” Jeno says with a smile. Looking between them, you can’t tell if… a weird feeling of jealousy is being underlined. But to stop it, your eyes land on the piles of trays in the middle.

“Alright boys, we’ll reach that topic when we get to that age. Come on,” You get off the ledge and walk over to the tray. “Take one tray, and I’ll show you something of my training.” In order to distract them from having a heavy stare down.

Jeno takes the tray and so does Haechan, however when you direct them to the staircase. “This isn’t part of my training, but it’s something really cool,” Watching you take the tray, Haechan is reminded yet again of how he saw his supervisors giving you a warning. So watching you walking with the tray on your hands and Jeno following, Haechan only folds his arms watching. “Come on Haechan,”

“These trays are the ones being distributed to your dwellings when it’s dinner time. You can’t play around with them,” Haechan says.

You scoff. “So you’re not interested in my training?”

“No it’s cool. I’ll stick to watching.” And it’s a good thing he does, because you move towards the long flight of staircase that’s located on the side of the dome. On the wide stairs, there’s a moving staircase, and on the center there’s a non-moving staircase. You tell Jeno to follow your move as you sit on the tray gaining a few stares from those climbing the steps. Jeno follows you, slightly laughing finding everything amusing. “Guys you shouldn’t be doing that.”

“Oh come on Haehcan, since when did you become boring?” Jeno playfully questions…

Haechan scoffs. “I happen to like my job and I’m not about to do some stunt to get me punished. So, I’ll see you guys later.”

He walks off, but to you and Jeno you notice that something different is happening to him. “He’s acting weird,” Jeno starts before shrugging his shoulders. “But whatever it is, let’s just continue. So what are we doing now?”

“Alright,” Your smile gets back on your face… even though you sensed something odd. You’d have to tell Jaemin. “On my count, you’re going to lean forward while holding onto the tray. Don’t let go under any circumstances.”

“Uhm, okay.” Jeno is unsure about that but trusts your every move. “Aren’t we going to get hurt though?”

“Nope.” You shake your head positioning yourself to sit nicely on the tray. “1, 2, 3- GO!”

Sucking in a heavy breath- Jeno’s eyes rapidly enlarge as his body leans forwards instantly allowing the tray to throttle down the steps in a quick manner that has him speeding! You giggle and laugh when recreating the feeling of being on the roller-coaster, even a sledge. Jaemin mentioned that roller-coasters were gravity defined for people who loved high speed and wind and wanted a little thriller in their lives. So as Jeno rides the tray he feels so much… sensation overflowing through his body. It feels exactly like the wind bashing on his face. The ride is filled with energetic squeals from you and thrilled laughter from Jeno, it doesn’t even matter to both of you that you’re getting odd looks from the people wither going up or down the steps. The fun soon ends when you see the ground coming-you brace yourself by placing your feet on the edge to land- but just as you stop, Jeno behind you is not to lucky and bumps into you at a rough crashing speed causing you both to fall and laugh out.

You laugh so hard as Jeno is still in so many emotions from surprised to astonishment- you help him up by offering your hand. He looks at it chuckling from the ride, before taking it and you assist him up. “So this is the pain that they were talking about?”

“Not even close.” You shake your head looking into his eyes. You feel to let go of Jeno’s hands… however he gets reluctant in not letting you go just yet.

“That was fun.” He says. “Show me more,”

Not a moment later, Johnny’s holographic figure finally notices Jaemin who enters the Surveillance room.

“Good afternoon, Dreamer Na.” Johnny greets. “We had an issue to go over with you, however you’ve arrived implacably at the right time. Would you care to tell me what’s this?” Jaemin not bothering to greet anyone looks at the footage that they’re showing him and he sees your face together with another guy. You haven’t gone to your dwelling yet. Aside from that, Jaemin notices how you’re both holding hands and laughing. “You say I've been careless but here, a moment ago, she was seen demonstrating odd behavior, by holding onto a person, and sharing her training.”

“Finally. I was beginning to wonder why she hadn’t shown anyone. Don’t worry Johnny. That always happens. But it’s an impossible experience to share training.” Jaemin has a poker dry face as he peeks back to the holographic figure. He shrugs his shoulders. “The kid got curious, let her live. I don’t tell you what to do in your position, so don’t tell me. Can I go now? If this is what you called me for, I think I’m done here.”

“Need I remind you of the previous Dreamer you selected in Community 4? Have you forgotten what happened to him?” Johnny states, while some statics come up of the previous Dreamer and his life before he was released. That has Jaemin frozen in place, his nonchalant face disappearing before a serious face engraves his features. “Should I read them for you? He was supposed to be the next Dreamer, but you got him released and hurt. You not only put a setback on Community 4, but you also became a Dreamer that’s unreliable. Take for instance the last disastrous guidance you gave to overthrow having gadgets. If how you’re training this Dreamer turns out to be the same way you trained the previous one, careless and fast, we might have another failure in our hands. Am I understood, Dreamer Na?”

“That boy, that Dreamer, had a name. So use it.” Jaemin clinches his jaw, because he knows it was his fault, it was the president Johnny.

“Of course, you want to hear his name. The failure of community 4. Mark Lee.” At the mention of the young boy’s name, Jaemin gets serious and his motions stop. How could he ever forget what happened to Mark. His friend.

“Make the announcement.” Johnny squints his eyes at the screen, while you still hold onto both of Jeno’s hands talking about him being able to feel something. Jaemin watches you and listens to how you try to convince Jeno that what you did was normal. He shakes his head and turns around. What was he thinking? Allowing you to take the dreamscape and bring it to this worthless communities was such a waste. He should just die with all the dreamscape memories.

“Attention, please stand by for an announcement.” Jaemin listens to the robotic voice speak. “Members of the community are reminded to not touch anyone outside of their dwelling units. If you’ve touched someone outside of your unit please take your serum injection immediately.”

Immediately you let go of the guy which Jaemin sees to be Jeno. Jaemin stops in his stride for a bit. Before turning back to the holographical figure of President Johnny. “You know what, overthrowing gadgetry wasn’t a disastrous choice, they were one too many disadvantages for having tech gadgets. For one, it stopped crackhead like yourself from peeping in and preying on every fucking conversation that everyone had. But I guess you didn’t even follow my guidance because you let the whole community abandon gadgets and kept all gadgetry for yourself and this fucking sick room, to have full control over everything and everyone. Just to let you know, perverts would insert cameras in public bathrooms to watch people piss. Those perverts did it for their own disgusting amusement, they’d install earpieces in private areas to hear private conversations. What you’re doing now, is no different than the dickheads of the past. I just wonder why you insisted on keeping these fucking cameras and earpieces everywhere. Who’re you trying to spy on? It surely isn't for the good of the community, it's for your own sick desire.”

Jaemin spitting knowledge to the community President has some of the workers who are eavesdropping curious and instantly feeling a feeling of guilt. What is a pervert? They didn’t know the word piss- but in the context used they had a disturbing understanding. In their defense they weren’t ‘peeping’ they were monitoring… because President Johnny had told them to. Meanwhile Jaemin clinches his jaw. “One day, this will all burn in your face.”

However Johnny speaks up. "No. It will burn in your face. Don't force my hand to do what I don't want."

-

After a few more weeks of sharing your dreams with Jaemin and him giving you Dreamscapes, one afternoon, an hour before time goes up, you sigh while taking a seat on the edge of the steps looking at the tree in the lively lit room. “Jaemin,”

“Yes?” He walks back towards you on the staircase with two mugs of coffee. Another thing, aside from the Dreamscape, was Jaemin’s pantry of verities of different foods with all sorts of taste. It’s a miracle that he can cook by himself. He’d show you too. Little dishes. It’s a shame they took cooking away. According to Jaemin, they took it away for one of two reasons. People either couldn’t cook, and others who could would mistakenly burn the kitchen. They took several foods away because of the level of difficulties when cooking them. The cooks in the community are the machines underground. They prepare a pantry of greens. No meat, just vegetables. Taking the mug in your hand, you face him. “I feel so stupid.” You whisper out.

He chuckles as he takes a seat on the step next to you. “Why do you say that?”

“Because, it’s almost been a year, and there’s still so much I don’t know.” You peer into his eyes. He’s got the world’s prettiest eyes with long lashes. “Plus when are you going to take me on those board meetings that you get invited too across other communities?”

He smiles. He places his mug on the step above hin and leans against the wall, his body facing yours. “You want to see how I give community Neorists directions?”

“Yes, I want to see you in action,” You smile. “By the way, this new serum that everyone is taking seems a bit weird.”

“New serum. I’ve been hearing about it.” Jaemin notes. “I’m not the one making it. President Suh has put people to it. Why do you say it’s weird?”

“Well to start off, my parents don’t only take it in the morning, but they take it whenever they’ve committed a mistake or something like that.”

Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow. “That’s strange.”

“It is,” You nod your head. “My friends were acting weird the other day. Almost as if they were jealous. They were speaking about the marriage ceremony but then they made reference that they both wanted me. I thought they were being playful before, but then when looking at them… into their eyes… Jaemin, they looked really selfish and jealous. Like they wanted to claim me for themselves,” Jaemin who was once serious when listening to you, ends up breaking into little chuckles causing you to blush a little feeling self-conscious and to snap out of being serious. “Why are you laughing? Do you think I’m not worthy?”

“Oh no,” Jaemin grins staring into your eyes. “You’re so worthy of appreciation. You’re thoughtful, curious, so quick witted and sharp, you’re just… someone that’s outside of the box.” Jaemin breathes in deeply looking into your eyes. He also wants to add how you’re whole-hearted, earnest, having amazing hands… lips… body… but he catches himself as his eyes stop checking you out. “If you ask me, they’re the ones unworthy of you.”

“Really?” His light statement has you giggling. “Or are you just saying that to flatter me?” You get up and go down the steps.

“Not at all, if you want me to flatter you, just ask." Jaemin too gets up and follows behind you. Whispering in your ear, "Ask me to do anything, and I’ll gladly do it if it means flattering you.”

“You would?” You bite your lips, a cute smile brushing on your lips. “You know, I actually want to… I want…” you turn around looking at him.

“You want what?” he stops walking too.

“I want to… know you more. Is that strange to say?” You inhale and exhale deeply looking into his eyes but he shakes his head. “Next year you said you’ll show me the pain that the dreamers hold. But, I was thinking about you. Won’t it be hard on you showing me pain when you have to look for a partner?”

“Partner?” Jaemin hears the misdirection of your question. “Where’s that coming from?”

“Like I said, my friends recently brought that to my attention.” You grin nervously “But, I was just thinking about it, about your partner,”

Jaemin tilts his head to the side loving how jealous you look. It makes him laugh inwardly. “Why were you thinking of my partner?” Luckily he could choose who he wanted… But he wanted to be released. There was no one he was interested in… but that's until you came around. At that, he thinks of your friends, especially Jeno. Already some elders had began pulling names together, and yours was with Jeno. He agreed with them that it would be a good choice, but somewhere deep in him, he didn’t want you to be with Jeno. He shakes his head chuckling lightly to get rid of the thoughts. “Here, put your mug down and let’s do an exercise. Just to get your mind out of these partners. Give me your hand,”

You do as he says and put your mug down and let your hand move towards him. Instead of showing you something, he… intertwines your fingers with his in a weird way. His eyes search into yours and you can only look back at him with a smile. “What is it?”

“What do you feel right now?”

“Warmth,” You say and he nods his head spreading your your arms up and slowly leaving your hands while his slide down your figure. Your hands in the air come down over his biceps smiling.

“How about now?” There seems to be a manifestation of emotions that are heavy, thick and almost tangible.

"I can feel my heart racing," you answer. "In a good way,"

"And now?" The way Jaemin let's your waist go and smoothly gets a hold of your hands intertwining your fingers, playing with them in a smooth way before spinning you around like some sort of dance. Turning you around one last time before your back lands on his front, with his hands still spreading yours wide horizontally and playing with your fingers. You lay your head on his chest closing your eyes, hearing him whisper. "How do you feel… when looking at me?"

If it were not for the fact that he's your trainer you would have easily said what you felt, but upon opening your eyes and seeing his gaze sink into yours, you remember that this isn't a dreamscape, he's your trainer. You whisper out. "Remember that Christmas Party you showed me, I believe some months ago?" You ask lacing your fingers deeply in his, watching as they untangle before tangle back into each other. Feeling the warmth of Jaemin on your back and his arms spread out with yours has your mind racing. You’re tempted to bring his fingers to your lips, as your eyes hesitate over his lips before drawing back to his clear eyes, while you recall the dreamscape.

"Oh yes, where you got drunk?" of course, he'd remember that. He teases playfully. You drank just one and a half cups of the bitter whiskey drink before Jaemin was your guide as you turned face and joined the madness around. You danced dances you've never known, you joined in on a crowd surfing and you swear- you never wanted to wake up from this dreamscape. All the while Jaemin laughed leaning on the wall, loving you enjoy yourself. Yes, loving. But you didn't know that.

And now as he brings your arms down turning you around again, you hold onto his hands and walk backwards and until you reach the couch, his heart beating a thousand times faster, he can't help the feelings erupting all over his stomach. Maybe it's because you're also a dreamer, maybe it's why he feels this attraction to you. He's felt like this before- but only in the dreamscape, when he'd reply in his mind of himself a wet dream. But those weren’t even real. Yet right now, here with you, looking into your eyes, feeling your hands, Jaemin recognizes the feelings easily.

In the present time now, with Jaemin, that ecstatic feeling builds up in the pits of your stomach. Nothing has changed, you still want to feel his body so close to you, in the closest way possible. You don't know how he was able to keep a composed face, but right now more than anything you want him to just show… you something. Something he's feeling.

"Yes, where I got drunk."

Jaemin smiles. "Your parents were so worried,"

"Jaemin," You lightly giggle drawing closer by shifting in your seat towards him.

He snickers a little. "I remember that dreamscape."

You nod your head. "You asked me what I feel when I look at you. well right now, I feel like that, back in that dreamscape."

Jaemin can hear his heart beating a little louder. "What did you feel back then?"

Now your heart is pounding in your chest, your toes curl, hands getting hot. 'I… want you… to kiss me like there's a mistletoe in the room.' Is what your mind wants to scream out, but instead you only look at him and suck in your lips. "Happy…" You meekly respond.

Jaemin nods his head peering into your own eyes. "Can I show you what I feel?"

"Yes, please," You breathe you. Jaemin untangles your hand from his, just as he removes his leather jacket only remaining in his black shirt.

He pats his lap smiling. "Well, come and sit,"

You chuckle a little getting up from the couch. Spreading your legs over him and sliding down with both your hands on his shoulder has your beating faster. Your eyes widen when he slides his hands down your sides. Your hands seemingly know where to go around his neck. "If you're uncomfortable in anyway-"

"I like this position," you assure, your eyes over his lips.

"But still, let me know," He whispers, voice barely audible even to your ears. Your breath hitches hearing him chuckle lowly. Without a second thought, Jaemin's hands manage themselves over your thighs which are slightly exposed from the buttoned down dress you're wearing. Your breath hitches, but you don't dare pull away from him. Ever so slowly both your eyes are on his lips, anticipating what he's going to do next. And you do not expect it.

Jaemin pulls you forward, bringing you closer until you're basically sitting on his manhood. "This okay?" He asks softly, a smile playing across his lips. You nod, eyes widening even more. A blush forms on your cheeks, which causes Jaemin to smirk. "Follow my lips," his eyes darken in something you can't really give a name to other then pleasure. He brings his hands above your waist and leans forward capturing your neck in a soft kiss and lick. You moan softly, your body instinctively getting closer to him, your thighs spreading over him. He kisses up your neck, your jaws and then finally your lips.

He moans by the taste of coffee on your lips. Deepening the kiss, both of you tangling your tongues. The heat rising in your body. This isn't just any kiss, it's full of emotions you've yet to name. You're so lost in this kiss, your first kiss, that you don't even notice Jaemin slowly lowering his body side ways until he's laying flat on the couch. You're straddling him now and don't know what to do.

"I want you," You whisper in the kiss. "I want to feel you, but I don't know what to do. Show me,"

Jaemin moves his hands to the hem of your dress, slowly lifting it up, causing goosebumps to spread over your skin as he spreads your thighs some more. "I'll guide you." His words are soft, yet somehow they send chills through your entire body. Both of you lean in, deepening the kisses and moving against each other, feeling each other's touch, you move your hands under his shirt in the same manner his hands tingle over your thighs, grazing along his smooth and toned abdomen. Your fingertips brush against the skin of his torso, making his breath hitch, your heart beats fast as you continue to explore, your hands going higher.

Slowly he lifts his body up and switches positions, now with you on your back and him above you. "It's okay. Just follow my lead." You nod your head, eyes glued on the man above you. Slowly he lowers his body, pressing his lips against yours again. His hand palms your waist while the other one slides in your thigh gently brushing over your core.

You shudder in the kiss and hold onto Jaemin's biceps. He continues gently passing your core and you've never known just how good your entire body could feel. All of a sudden his hand slides away and then goes up and palms your boob so softly. "Feels good doesn't it?" He says in between the kiss, watching you in ecstacy. Leaving your lips, his lips go down to your neck while the hand that was on your waist has now taken the position inside your thigh.

Running his middle finger over the material of your underneath pressing on your bulb bump has you arching your back. "Jaemin,"

Jaemin smiles before sliding his hand out and stopping the motion of pawing your boob. You gasp out looking at him in awe.

"Is that how you feel?" You question lowly in pure need of wanting him more.

Jaemin chuckles before sitting up and bringing you up as well. He brushed his hand past your hair making it go down. "It's the actions of it, but yes. It's known as making love."

"Making love?" You smile. "What does that mean?"

"That this is sacred. Something done by two people who love each and are sure." Jaemin nods his head. "More than anything, for a really long time, I've been sure about you." Jaemin admits causing your cheeks to feel hot. "I just don't want to… rush anything. I want to really let these emotions enjoy themselves. How about you?"

You nod your head touching your lips and biting it… You want to say the forbidden words but you simply smile. "I want that too. I just hope you don't give up. Not on yourself, and not on me. And not our community. Does this mean… You'll stay?"

"I'm still here because of you," he leans into you slowly, his eyes looking over your lips. His hand comes up to your cheek and he holds it in place, before diving in for another kiss with you.

And you swear upon getting home it's all you can think about. His lips.

When eating, sharing feelings, your face gets red but your family can't see it. They can only see how ecstatic you are. “Oh, before I forget. Jeno said the President designed a medication for you.”

“For me?” You tilt your head looking at the cylinder capsule with blood red liquid content inside.

“Yes, he said you should take it before you fall asleep.” Taeyong states, recalling how Jeno walked up to him with the note and serum.

Without taking your sleep injection but drinking on the new medication, you expect to dream about what you and Jaemin did.

However, something is wrong. The dream… starts off in the dark. You’re walking on a road alone… You turn your head left and right, wondering what’s happening. Yet, you get this urge to run. A sick feeling building up in your stomach. You turn your head when seeing someone walk behind you. You walk faster, not knowing why you feel on edge and uneasy.

Walking turns to speed walking. Speed walking turns to you breathing heavily. Thankfully you make it to a crowded area. People are walking all around- but your ears are blurred out from hearing the jizz around, as you can only hear how hard you’re breathing. You turn your head, and the masked hooded guy is still following you. Speeding walking turns to running- and just as you bolt the guy is heavy on his feet chasing you down. You’re panting and trying to run fast only for him to run faster- your poor legs don’t do much when he has you! Covering your mouth holding your body tight to his- you feel so much discomfort as he pushes you against the wall, tossing you into a darker alley.

“No, stop!” You try to break free- frantically trying to get him off of you. “S-stop!” Tears blur your eyes, but the masked man is strong and pins you against the wall, one hand holding onto your wrist tightly- the other hand… “Stop!”

“Shut up.”

“N-no-” You shake your hands but he’s so strong. His other hand continuing to pull down your pants. Rapidly when he lets your hands go to undo his belt- you swing your fist backwards hitting him. He grunts as you struggle to run with your pants open. You try to pull them back up- but that has the guy jumping to you and weighing you down on the ground. You try hitting him with all your might- grabbing his clothes and fighting him- you end up pulling off his mask-

A glimpse of his face has you frozen. President Johnny?Using your frozen state, he ends up forcefully removing your shirt and in an instant his face changes and morphs into… Jaemin that’s when you snap back. “Jaemin stop please! I don’t like this!” Your trembling voice yells out, but he doesn’t listen.

You hear the belt unfasten. You see something and your rigid state doesn’t stop squirming as you beg 'Jaemin' to let you go. But he doesn’t.

The dream seems to go on forever. The whole house in deep silence as you scream out. No one budging awake because of the heavy serum injection. However Haechan, on night shift duty, in the surveillance room quickly taps on a button entering the robot poll in your room.

"President Suh. Someone is coming." Haechan lies. Meanwhile the president over your body grunts. He was just about to get to the best part.

"Who?" Not hearing an answer, President Suh leaves gets up from your bed leaving you alone and then leaves your house.

Haechan in the surveillance room gulps when watching you calm down. However in the dream world you're spared from anything bad happening, you get up and begin running again when 'Jaemin' suddenly disappears. But it only gets worse from there.

-

3 days. 3 days since you last came to work. Jaemin bites his lip as he stands outside your dwelling. Wondering if you’ve been avoiding work because of the last time he saw you… that kiss probably scared you off. Jaemin thought giving you time, would allow you to cool off. But 3 days? No. Something was not right. You wouldn’t miss out on 1 day of work- so why 3. He needed to know what was wrong. That’s why he’s standing outside your dwelling in the afternoon, knowing very well that your guardians will be home, knocking on the door twice.

Of course they’re confused upon opening up the door. As no such thing as ‘visiting’ was permitted or even the fact that nobody was allowed to even step foot into another persons dwelling, unless you’re the president. 6p.m. that was dinner time, however when Taeyong opens the door, and comes face to face with the blackly dressed Dreamer- his eyes enlarge. “Dreamer Good afternoon. Please come in.” He greets, almost relieved. “She hasn’t been able to handle the pain well. We were hoping you’d come sooner.”

Pain? Jaemin can only nod once in greeting. “I see. Is she able to come to the door?”

This time Jaemin’s eyes go over to a female figure. “She hasn’t left her room in 3 days. We’ve tried several times to get her to come out, but to no avail, she refuses to speak to us or even come out.”

This time Jaemin’s head is in a huge muddle. Surely the kiss couldn’t have caused you to freak out like this. There’s something else. “May I see her?”

Taeyong and Seulgi look to each other, “We’d have to ask the president because he said she should-”

“Was he here?”

“No. But he's been aware of her condition.” Seulgi immediately shakes her head before she’s the one to lead you inside while Taeyong closes the door following after the pair that go up the stairs. “This is her room.”

“Can you leave us alone?”

“Certainly.” Seulgi answers hesitantly and uncertainly. She moves back a couple of steps being intimidated by Jaemin’s cold stare. She finds herself walking towards the staircase, stopping Taeyong in his stride up and telling him to retreat. “He’s come to help her.”

However Jaemin contemplates on the things to say in his head. He tries to think of possible reasons why you’re unresponsive both to him and your parents for 3 good days. This is bigger than the kiss, something else is troubling you, especially if the President knew about it. So before he knocks he thinks of some really good dreamscapes to show you to try and cheer you up… then again, maybe you don’t resonate with his feelings that’s why you haven’t been coming.

Knock. Knock.

Silence.

Knock. Knock. “It’s me,”

The voice alone has you springing your body upwards looking to the door. Tears mount your eyes hearing your dreamers voice. A part of you wants to leap to the door and push him outside and never agree to be a dreamer again. The other part of you hopes that he can take the pain away. Because ever since that first terrifying dream, for every time you’d fall asleep- only ‘bad’ dreams would come to your mind. In one dream you were beaten so badly that when waking up you still felt sore all over. But the worst and most terrifying was almost being raped . All these dreams, happened and were inflicted to you by Jaemin… Or the president. Your mind is too muffled up to even think straight. But to think that you saw Jaemin inflicting those acts… His eyes, his hands, his body, him. You saw him.p So, no. You don’t want to see him.

“Can I come in?”

“No.” You get up carefully from your bed, noticing how badly you’re trembling. You walk to the door and quiver shaking your head. “Dreamer. I don’t think I want to be a dreamer anymore.” You say quietly while fighting the tears trying to come out.

“What do you mean?” Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow. “Can I see your face Y/n? Please. You’re scaring me.” Hoping that you’re trembling tone is just an act. The last time he heard someone tremble was the Neorist elder in charge of nurturing. Before she found out that she was pregnant, she came to Jaemin to draw up a complaint against the President. Saying that he gave her a serum and did something to her. He doesn’t like how he can hear your voice so unstable and sounding like hers. “Can I come in, please.”

You say nothing, deciding to shake your head and go back to your bed. You sink in the bed and cover your head, trying to get the terrible memories to leave your head. Jaemin stays outside of your room for a really long time, wondering why your upset. “Is this because I kissed you?”

“Dreamer please go away,”

And why do you keep calling him ‘Dreamer’? You only called him that when you wanted to persuade him. But now… hearing how you call him that, he hears distaste in your voice and even… fear. What did he do? “Y/n. Please tell me what happened?”

Silence.

The silence is so loud and it irritates Jaemin that he can’t see your face and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. His mind was breaking out wondering what the hell was going on. “If it’s not the kiss, then what is it? Why don’t you want to be a dreamer anymore? Did I…” Jaemin halts a bit… a quick thought passing in his head. “Was it a dream you had? Did us kissing give you a strange dream? Did the President give you something weird?” This time the silence that follows is actually filled with you crying again and Jaemin nods his head. It's either you had a bad dream or the president gave you something. “Can we talk about it?”

“No.” You say.

Jaemin waits outside your door hoping that you can open it up. So he leans his head on the door, softly he speaks. “I don’t know what’ going on. Or what dream you had… but I promise you, it’s all in your head. It’s not real.” He bites his lip. “It may look and feel real, but it's not. I’ve had… I still get a lot of painful dreams. If you got one, and if that’s the reason you’ve stayed away, then I understand. Take as much time as you need. I understand. Although, if you want to talk about it, you can come to me. Alright… I'll be going.” He looks to your door again. A soft yellow. That must be the color of your entire dwelling. He moves away from the door going towards the steps seeing the family down below having diner.

“Bad dreams…” He doesn’t hear the creak to your door opening, but he hears your voice, even thought you’re whispering. He instantly turns back holding onto the stair rail. His heart sinks getting a look at your bloodshot red eyes and frightful facial features. Your hair tied back but still having so many stand outs that are frizzled. “They’re called nightmares.” You can’t even look at him. Your eyes are on the floor and on the wall. “Right?”

Jaemin nods his head, being careful. What did you dream that has you so shaken up? “Right.”

You hold yourself, keeping your eyes on the floor.

“The nightmares aren’t real.” He says, watching you gulp. Your tears getting to your eyes again. “Would you like to show me what you dreamt?”

You freeze a little and shrug your shoulders avoiding his eyes. “How would I do that?” It hurts Jaemin just hearing you speak.

“The same way I do to show you the dreamscapes.” He doesn’t approach you, just in case you’re still reluctant, but he does turn towards you. “My hands, my head, my feet. Whatever you want to show me just-” His attention is snapped elsewhere when hearing… a cry. A rueful, almost awakened cry… but not from you. Which is puzzling. But a baby. He’s about to ask, but hearing footsteps marching up the stairs, Taeyong, Jaemin moves aside as Taeyong hesitantly does an awkward smile. However it completely drops when seeing your state…

Gathering the courage to look up and see your fathers face, has you storming back into your room and shutting the door hard. It makes Chenle and Seulgi downstairs jolt a little, but for Jaemin and Taeyong, they both just feel gloomy. Taeyong clears his throat, carrying on the walk to another room. Jaemin picks up the courage to walk to your room door again. He knocks on it slowly- trying to not startle you.

“Do you still want to show me?” He quietly asks. Standing behind your door, you deeply breathe in and move aside. You pull the door open but only by a crack… looking up gently into Jaemin’s eyes, you recall the nonchalant look in his features as he pulled on your clothes in the dream “What is it? What did you dream?” He asks quietly. “You’re scaring me.” He whispers, his eyes carrying so much baggage of troubles. “Some days ago we were talking and kissing… and now seeing you crying is painful for me. I don’t like seeing you like this, please. Please tell me what’s wrong,”

You move aside opening the door wider. Jaemin exhales carefully and walks into the room. Your father, already having calmed Jisung down watches Jaemin enter the room before it shuts. He takes the news back downstairs, the reminder of your tears still being fresh in his mind. “She let him in her room.”

Jaemin gets accustomed to your plain room. Study table and chair, bed, mirror and a small wardrobe. Nothing much. He sees the books that he gave you on the bed. You take a seat on the chair turning it around and moving it towards you on the bed. He sits some feet opposite you. You’re looking at your hands that’s tightly clamped together. Your knees are pressed shut. Seeing his knees, you begin shuddering again. ‘It’s wasn’t real.’ You remind yourself. In the dream, his knees… kept kneeing rubbing on your… you shake your head sucking in a sharp breath when seeing his hands come in view.

Jaemin calmly stretches out his hands towards you. “Just take my hands… and picture what is it that you dreamt.”

“P-picture it?” You inhale instantly peering into his eyes getting scared. “You want me to… picture it? Re-live it?” You shake your head rapidly. “No.” The tear drops from your eyes and you get up backing away from him. “No way.” You move to the window.

That gets Jaemin anxious. It must’ve been really bad. He waits for you to regain your composure, as you’re breathing in and out, almost hyperventilating. “Okay, just calm down.” He gets up trying to cool you down, helping you breath as you do some breathing exercises. “I’ll go get some water for you, is that cool?”

You nod your head. Jaemin quickly gets out going downstairs seeing the family still around the table eating. Chenle’s curious eyes glaze over every inch of the dreamer in black- staring profusely being in wonder if he fixed his sister. “Is she alright?” Chenle asks before Seulgi or Taeyong can reprimand him.

Jaemin hums out. “Your sister is quite frightened right now. But she’ll be fine. May I get some water?”

“Yes of course,” Taeyong gets up and heads into the kitchen-

“Tap water, if you don’t mind.” Jaemin says getting Taeyong’s attention, who furrows his brows. Community bottled water is the best water. “I don’t trust bottled water.” Jaemin declares.

“But… there’s no other place to put the water?” Taeyong enquires confused, causing Jaemin to recall how they community doesn’t have any mugs, cups or any utensils… Just bottles.

“Shit.” He whispers. “Um, you know what, just empty out the bottle and then put in the tap water.”

Taeyong turns to Seulgi who equally looks baffled, but nods her head. Meanwhile Chenle’s eyes enlarge. “Why don’t you like the bottled water?”

“Chenle eat your food stop talking.” Seulgi warns.

Jaemin still answers. “There's nothing wrong with bottled water. I just don't trust it. Actually, I have a question about the crying baby upstairs. You already have two kids, isn’t it against the law to have a third?”

“Oh, we got clearance for the child. My husband works in the Nurturing Centre and this child didn’t qualify to be a one. The nurses spoke to the Neorist Elder In Nurturing in charge of nursing and she said it was alright for my husband to bring the baby to our dwelling.” She gives off a significant amount of information. Crying baby. That would be the next dreamer. Taking the water from Taeyong who arrives, Jaemin looks back to the family. “I’ll let myself out when I’m done with your daughter. Will that be okay?”

Taeyong and Seulgi nod their heads. Hopefully he could get you to speak up, is what they’re thinking, as Jaemin heads back to your room. They take Chenle to go and inject himself to sleep, they do a checkup on Jisung before heading to the living room to pass time until the accustomed bed time.

“What do you think he’s doing with her?” Taeyong asks, worried, yet also protectively. It’s the first time that someone has actually came to their home, what’s worse, has trapped themselves alone in the room with you. It was only right to feel anxious. You look much more eased, except this time you’re seated on the floor still doing breathing techniques.

He takes a seat right in front of you at a respectable distance. “Drink this,”

Your eyes open up. Your shift back and take the bottle in your hands drinking it.

After a whole minute goes by. You look at Jaemin, inhaling and exhaling. You stick out your hands and Jaemin holds onto them carefully. His body stiffens when actually feeling your entire body tremor just from the contact of skin. “Are you ready?”

You shake your head and blink your tears away. “It’s not real. It’s just all in my head. So… I’ll… trust you- I’ll try.” You gasp out, the pool by your eyes causing Jaemin to hold your hands tightly. You close your eyes concealing the tears. Jaemin too closes his eyes, anticipating anxiously what your dream was…

And damn does he feel anger. He sees you walking at night. You keep looking over your shoulder at him… him being the body he’s possessing in your dream. Whoever this person is. He’s making you uncomfortable. He allows for the movement to carry him, wondering what’s going on. However, as the dream continues with him rapidly following your timid scared self, it escalates into him running after your slow self. He has a bad feeling and knows where the dream is heading. His conscious jumps out of the body wanting to see what you saw- he takes on a ghostly form to view in a third perspective- yet his eyes enlarge as the body Jaemin was possessing gets you in a fierce headlock before dashing and squirming with you to a dark alley. Jaemin watches you struggle- begging the person to stop.

Something about all this is strange… it resembled a dreamscape, but it was a nightmare. He can’t dwell on it longer when you strike up a punch to the man does his hood fall back. He’s surprised to see the face… of the President… before it morphs to HIS OWN FACE! His face as the man who’s now taking advantage of you. He pulls on your clothes- and Jaemin shakes his head instantly jumping back into the body and altering the dream-

He stops himself- taking possession of the dreamscape as his own. He manages to gain control of the narrative- yet…

You’re still stick in shock and trying to get away as you get on your feet and begin running- your mind getting scrambled with the way the dream is going. You try to take control of the dream again as the scene wants to manifest itself- but Jaemin does something that has you breathing out rapidly.

He pauses your dream by snapping his fingers and instantly the dream fades into a black void with your feet being frozen in a run. You notice the darkness all over, except for the floors which turns a misty white. “Don’t worry Y/n, it’s me. It’s me Jaemin.”

“No- no.” However, you’re still stuck in the trance of wanting to show Jaemin the dream- that it’s actually hard to come out of yourself.

Slowly the world Jaemin tries to creates crumbles apart- as you’re back in the alley way running away from the rapist on the floor. Jaemin runs after you- trying to get you to stop. Shit. You aren’t prepared in building dreamscapes yet. Your conscious is colliding with your unconscious. Jaemin can tell that- because as you’re running a duplicate of him runs past him- chasing on you rapidly. He’s shocked out of his mind as a duplicate of him runs so quick and still catches you thrusting you to the corner unveiling your clothes. You begin screaming- and that has Jaemin enraged. He pounces on the duplicate of him punching him in the face- the duplicate falls down but gets up with no injury ignoring him and trying to get your pants off-

This isn’t good. Jaemin tries to wake you up. Your dreamscape is getting chaotic! Another duplicate of him comes out and drags him- he tries to fight it- but that only has another duplicate of himself coming to hold him down as others emerge and run to you on the ground pulling on your clothes- he can hear you screaming and he tries- so hard to try and control the dreamscape- but he’s failing- which is unreal because he can’t fail. Despite you being weak- it seems like this dream is run by an unconscious side of you.

It's when he opens up his eyes in the real world, do his ears pop when hearing you screaming non-stop! “Y/n!” He yells out your name. “Shit!” He lets go of your hands shaking you vigorously and roughly trying to wake you up from the powerful dreamscape landscape you’ve created. He’s so deep in trying to shake you up that he doesn’t notice when Taeyong and Seulgi stand shocked by the door hearing you scream.

Jaemin gets the bottle of water tossing it on your face- but you continue screaming. “Wake up!” Jaemin yells out seeing as you’re now shaking your head- living the nightmare in reality. You begin fighting him but he’s got such a tight grip on you that he doesn’t allow you to hit his face as he grabs your arms. “Wake up!” You’re quick to kick him- your conscious feeling all these hands- all of Jaemins duplicates and their hands on you. “It’s not real!” He keeps yelling out but then you kick him as you get up on your feet.

Your mother and father run inside your room trying to assist Jaemin in catching you- but you’re so strong that you literally punch your mother’s face and kick your father- still screaming and hyperventilating. To think that it was past 8 p.m. but they were still awake in hopes to ask Jaemin questions after he was done. And if they were caught they would easily explain that the dreamer was in there dwelling. So they watched the street lamps turn off, they watched their own house lights turn off and for the first time, they held each other’s hands in some sort of… consoling way. Everything was silent. That’s until they heard you screaming- they ran up the steps and plunged into your room- but the scene of your erratic behavior shocked and almost paralyzed them on the spot. It’s not when Jaemin splashed you with water- did they unfreeze and move.

But now Taeyong attends to Seulgi who cowers back and watches you in horror losing your mind while holding onto her cheek that was painful. Jaemin manhandles you with so much force before pinning you on the bed and digging into his pocket for something to keep you still! You’re not prepared for the magnitude of the shock that jolts all of your molecules shocking you – electricity going up all over your body.

Jaemin pants out when seeing you pass out from being tazzered down.

“What happened?” Seulgi asks.

“Did you just release our daughter?” Taeyong asks out horrified.

Jaemin looks back to your parents on the ground before cursing out. “Fuck.” He breathes out and stands up placing the tazzer back in his jacket. The only time he used this was to wake himself up from nightmares. “Right now. Go and sleep. Before I-”

“Please stand by for an announcement.” Jaemin snaps his head to the little injection monitor in your room, however it speaks out. "Good night Mr Taeyong, good night Mrs Seulgi.” This time some gas sprays out of the monitor and by an instant when Taeyong and Seulgi sniff it, they collapse in sleep straight on the floor. “Dreamer Jaemin, you have to run- the President is on his way to this dwelling. You need to hide Y/n from him.”

Jaemin notices that the announcement isn’t coming from everywhere, just in your room in a hushed robotic voice. Clearly something fishy is happening. He carries you on his back cursing out when he goes out the door and sees a black vehicle. Great. “Just my fucking luck.” He shakes his head when seeing the backseat open. Despite the cars being removed in all communities… this mysterious black car belonged to only one person. It was kept away from any preying eyes and would only drive at night.

President Johnny.

Getting in the car, Jaemin’s not surprised when he sees Johnny holding onto the wheel. That means whoever made the announcement was trying to protect you. “I would ask you why you're here, but I've got a better idea. Be a gentleman and close the door.”

Jaemin secures you in hug as he places your head on his chest, before closing the door. As they leave, they don’t hear the wailing cry of the baby Jisung.

-

Community 1. This is the place they took your mother. The community specialized in punishing peopling. Jail, as others called it.

Jaemin and your unconscious body are strapped on chairs opposite each other in a white wide circular room. It’s large. There is nothing in the room. Just pure white. Contrasting to Jaemin’s black attire. You’re in your white pajama pants and shirt sitting opposite from Jaemin. Jaemin can only stare at you, wondering what will happen here. Would this be how they'd punish you both?

The doors open and in walks Johnny. Jaemin’s jaw clinches as his tongue circles his mouth, only glaring at Johnny. “Welcome to the punishment internment zone.” Johnny walks towards you. Pulling your hair back adjusts your head upright. “That tazzer surely is strong. She needs to be awake for her punishment.”

“What did you do to her?”

“I tried scaring her into running away from being a Dreamer. I wonder why you want to give up being a Dreamer, if it's because of me then I promise I'll stop having pleasure.” Johnny speaks.

Jaemin rolls his eyes. “That's what you're saying but after seeing her dream, I believe you've done something far worse. Involving those serums."

Johnny smirks. "You've got no proof. It was her friend that gave her the medication for the pain to relieve her from the pain she’s endured. It was her decision to drink it.”

“Pain medication? What bull are you talking- you let others do your dirty work and in the end feign ignorance. That's criminal.” Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow when releasing something. His eyes enlarge. Paid medication? As in the same one they gave Mark-

“Truth be told. I don’t think she’s cut out to be a Dreamer. You're the best one we have. You allow us to do what we want.” He mentions, massaging your unconscious shoulders. “The same way I didn’t think Mark was suited to be one because he always targetted to get me out of power.”

Jaemin grates his teeth.

Just in time, you grunt and move in your seat pinching your eyes closed tightly before they flatter open. Your eyes coming to full of distress when the scenery of your house has changed- Jaemin’s in hand cuffs but so are you.

“Oh rise and shine. Welcome back.” Johnny greets cheerfully.

“Jaemin…” You whisper slowly trembling upon recalling the last memory you had… you saw him… him and several clones. He tried fighting them off trying… to protect you… help you but… they were overpowering. But seeing him now being cuffed to the chair you turn to the side. Your face is laced with surprise when seeing the President.

“Thank you for being obedient in drinking the medication that Jeno gave you.” Johnny pulls out a syringe with a blood red liquid. Jaemin watches with wide eyes as Johnny injects walks towards him. Jaemin is defenseless and tries to duck himself but Johnny is quick in sticking the needle violently on his neck. No sooner than later, your eyes watch in shock at the way Jaemin’s eyes frizzle and become dizzy… instead of looking like he’s alive… he looks out of it. Emotionless in a way he’s never looked before. “Unfortunately, Dreamer Y/n. Your course ends here. Thank you for your time in the communities.” Johnny nods his head pretending to sympathize. “Oh yes I forget to tell him.” He looks to Jaemin’s drugged out face. “Her punishment will be pleasure. Done by you. You called it non-consenting rape, I believe. Well, you're the one with the dreamscapes. Show me how it's done. That way you and I will become two peas in a pod.”

"Jaemin." You call onto Jaemin’s name, but he barely even blinks looking dull and empty.

You just woke up. You don’t know what the hell is going on. But judging from what Johnny is saying, all you can think about is that ‘medication’ you drank… you believe it’s what gave you that nightmare… and seeing as it’s the same injection that Johnny used to place in Jaemin’s neck, your heart begins beating fast.

Johnny leaving the room wishes you luck. The doors close behind him, however once they close the door, the cuffs on Jaemin’s hands and yours are undone.

Not even a quick second passes but you’re thrown off your chair by a heavy backhand slap from him. “No. Jaemin please stop it-” you tremble. Jaemin’s hands aren’t giving out. You try not to cry out loud by his gripping force. He’s very masculine. Very strong and his hands really hurt when they’re on your body.

You try to punch but he dodges while mindlessly trying to fulfill the desire of the blood red liquid serum… Which is to fill you non-consenting pleasure. Jaemin tries to get a hold of your hands and he does but you panic and chuck his groan with your knee- he grunts and slaps your face again grabbing your neck as you cry out grabbing his arms.

“Jaemin stop!” You attempt to hit his arm that doesn’t budge- so you punch his throat. And he gurgles causing him to let you go but only for a second- you grab his shirt just as he grabs your hair and yanks you so hard on the floor getting on top of you. “Jaemin please.” You cry out when he pins your arms above your head. You’re squirming and crying trying to knee him, but his position seems impenetrable. Vital points. Neck. Chest. Heart. You keep swinging trying to get your arms free- but in that motion he violently grabs your chin and dives to kiss your lips. You hear him moan and it just doesn't feel right, like the first time. “Jaemin-” you get out of his lips for a second before he forces them back on you- “Snap out of it!” You yell. He holds onto your hands hard, his other hand going down the sides of your body. You can only squirm. The outcome of this has two possibilities. With either him hurting you… or you hurting him. You give up and cry out, letting your eyes linger on his face as he kisses violently down your neck stealing a lot of your whimpers with such brute force. “Jaemin please stop…” You whisper but he doesn’t stop.

The nightmare relives again but this time you know it’s real. He removes your shirt by grabbing it's fabric and tearing it off violently. You cry when he grabs your covered boob before his hand swims down and he stuffs his hands inside your pants. “No please stop!” You shake your head. “You’d never do it, because you know what love is." You don’t feel it, but Jaemin’s tongue sucking on your neck stops for a bit before he continues. Meanwhile, you shut your eyes tightly professing how he’d never do it. “You wouldn’t hurt me like this. You wouldn’t hurt me Jaemin- because I know you love me. You said it's sacred. That love making is sacred. Done by people who love each other. Jaemin," you whimper out a cry. "Jaemin. Jaemin please, I love you, I love you so much, please don't do this to me - Jaemin please stop.”

His hands hesitate over yours and you take that quick hesitation to break your hands free- but instead of trying to punch him or get away you grab his face away from your neck.

“Jaemin I love you," you whimper out with tears in your eyes. Jaemin's eyes bore into yours deadly. He watches the broken glass look in your eyes as you speak softly to him. "P-please wake up. Please wake me up. I love you. It's okay, I promise you in real. I'm not a dream. I love you. I love you so much." Jaemin tries to move his head- but you hold him tighter. "Jaemin please- don’t take advantage of the good we have. Please. You told me that. That we can’t have good because only one person will turn it bad. Please don’t be that person. Please… show me that you love me, by waking up from this dream. Wake up. Please.”

That has Jaemin stopping- the words hitting his head.

“Please…” He looks up to your eyes… his brain slowly clouding back to his rightful senses. He's erratic breathing slowly bringing him back. Your thumb moves to his lips as you continue to beg. Jaemin's lips kiss your thumb. The tears by your eyes don’t lie as you beg him again. “Please Jaemin, don’t do it.” And instantly he gets off you panting wildly. He can feel his fingers shaking, his whole body trembling… the thought of Mark passing over his head again. When Johnny strapped Mark over the chair, he gave Jaemin a red liquid serum that altered his thoughts to make him act out Mark’s worst fear. Jaemin beat Mark up so badly that after waking up the next day he heard that Mark ended his own life. So seeing you, still on the ground trying to cover yourself again- Jaemin looks at his hands. He can’t believe that the President did it again. Used his own body to harm another person. “Jaemin…?”

His head snaps up to your voice. “I’m sorry.” His voice breaks into a trembling cry. “I’m sorry.” He backs up again and shields himself. This is why he wanted to be released… he didn’t want to experience his body being used again. He recalls how he beat up Mark mercilessly almost to death, almost to a palp. And now you… he almost raped you.

“Jaemin,” He feels too ashamed to look up at your face. He hurt you. “Jaemin, please look at me.”

He doesn’t. But it doesn’t stop you from slowly… warmly wrapping your arms around him. You hold him so tight that you lay your head on his… “I’m so sorry..”

“It’s okay.” You tenderly smile.

“This is why I wanted to die. It's not the first time he's used me like this.” He shakes his head. “I can’t keep hurting those I care about. First it was my family. And then my friend. And now you…”

“It wasn’t you Jaemin. It was a nightmare.” Your hand lays on the side of his face as you tilt your head trying to get him to look at you. “To think it’s happened to people in the past by those they love must’ve been really frantic. The heartbreak of trusting someone you love and then they hurt you… Now I can imagine the pain you keep to yourself and endure.”

“That’s not even half of it.” He looks down. “It doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s the fault of the person who injected you. The person in power.” You say with anger towards Johnny. “He’ll be damned if he tries to do that again.”

“I love you," he blinks away the tears when seeing perfect love in your eyes. "That's what this community lacks. The world was made with love. Without love everything is dull… You, literally saved me with love." He holds you again in his arms and you engulf in him. "I'm still sorry. We need to get out of here and inform the Neorists of Johnny’s erratic behavior. Because if I see him I’ll give him a piece of my mind and that might land me to be released.”

Your head snaps to the door as it opens up. Thinking it’s Johnny, Jaemin gets in front of you ready to fight, but instead it’s Haechan. “Haechan?” You peek from behind Jaemin.

“I’ll explain later, but you have to leave now.” He looks back to the passage before looking at you and Jaemin again. Jaemin removes his leather jacket and helps you put it on.

Haechan helps you escape from the punishment room and out of Community 1. He helps you and Jaemin to his piloting drone and flies high up in the night sky. He explains how Jeno told him that the President gave him a weird serum to give Y/n. He explains that Jeno felt that the President acted weird when giving him the serum. And Haechan too admits to watching the President drive to your house for three days and nearly tried to do something bad with you. And the fourth time when the president tried again, this time he was glad that Jaemin was there.

With his drone he followed the president and saw him violate multiple rules. With protocol, Haechan is supposed to write out a warning, but seeing as it was the President, he didn’t know what to do. Thankfully, Jaemin tells him to report it to the Neorists and hopefully they’ll make a judgement call. With Y/n and him being witnesses, there’s no way Johnny will escape this.

"You've got yourself good friends." Jaemin comments, after Haechan lands by the edge of community 7, by Jaemin's house. "They treat you more like a sister then their love interest. Rest up, I'll be back."

Leaving you at his place in the comforts of his lively nature filled room, with the glass wall showing the beauty of nature, you're able to rest up. He heads to your family dwelling at exactly 6 a.m. to just report that you’re alright and that the events of last night will be rectified, that they should just continue on as normal. But after he’s done he comes back to his place, already seeing you sitting up on his bed in one of his shirts and sweatpants. He sits on the edge of the bed biting his lip when looking at your attire.

“What’s going to happen now?” You ask.

Trying not to get distracted, especially after recalling the things he did to you unconsciously, he clears his throat. “If your buddy Haechan has done his part well in reporting back what he saw to his elder, then the Neorsits will call for a meeting. But if he hasn’t done that, then I’ll have to go and report what I saw myself. Having a community member report a crime is better because it means that the Neorist Elders will be forced to rectify the mistake. They’ll decide on the fate of the President.” Jaemin says. “From there, a ruling will be made, it’s either they’re going to put him out of power and president-ship, or release him. With what he did I’m sure those will be the only options.”

Just then they both hear a loud ‘ding dong’. “I guess your buddy did his part. Someone’s here to call me for the meeting… Do you…” He looks into your eyes. The same eyes that looked at him with so much love… Are looking back at him, with even more love. “I know it’s all so sudden, but do you want to come with me?” He looks in between your eyes. The way you cried last night really pulled a toll on him. He wants to make up for his actions, by proving to you how much he loves you. He wants to actually stay with you and hope that perhaps… with Johnny out of power… his fate as a Dreamer will change.

“What happens when they release him?” You question. “Will someone else be elected as president?”

“Yes.” He nods his head. “One of the Neorists of course.”

-

“Dreamer Jaemin,” One of the Neorist elders, Jaehyun, the commander of justice calls onto Jaemin. “Would you care to give us your verdict. Our choices are inconclusive. 3 out of 10 prefer that President Suh remains in power, reasons due to how sufficient he has been in ruling the communities. They argue that he might have seen Y/n as a failure because of her actions. Another 3 out of 10, myself included, are in favor of casting the President out of leadership, due to one too many scandals across various of communities, such as invading privacy, manipulating rules, involving himself in illegal serum testing and many more. And finally the last 3 out of 10 prefer for the community to make the final decision because this is the President of all communities, they’re claim is that the community deserves to know. We have all made our claims, it’s up to you to weigh out the decisions, and rule out what we will not do and give your final judgement. On the case of President Suh Johnny, what will we as the body of Neorists do?”

Sitting in the large meeting room with a wooden brown table in the center and all the Neorists sitting around it, you can feel the urgency of the matter as you sit next to Jaemin. If this is what it’s always looked like when making decision, you understood why Jaemin always had a cold face. To intimidate the board of Neorists sitting down. Aside from you, there’s only one woman in the panel, The lady in charge of Nurturing in all communities. She’s the only member with a kind face. Other than that, the other men have serious faces looking ready to argue back with Jaemin.

“My Dreamer has done nothing wrong except heed to his instructions. He specifically said the community cannot afford another failure. It’s the reason why I’ve taken my time in training her. Would you prefer that I rushed and she actually turned to betray the community the way he has? In the matter that President Suh should remain in power is just stupid. A community member, two of them have reported suspicious activities.” Jaemin says firmly leaning back on his seat. “Time and time again, we have sat in this room with the President. We’ve all seen how chaotic he's gotten. For his own personal amusement, he did as he pleased. If it’s really up to me, with every single crime that he has committed, I’d have him released. He doesn’t deserve to be our leader. That’s my call. I wouldn’t say it’s the final judgement, I’m leaving that up to you.”

It’s dead silent as Jaemin is done talking.

“What about you Y/n,” Jaemin turns to you, although his face is still rough with his cold demeanor, his eyes do soften entirely when addressing you. “Do you have anything you want to add? Now is your chance-”

“Excuse me, she can’t speak. We don’t let nonmembers-”

“Mind you Elder, whether you like it or not, she’s the next Dreamer." Jaehyun speaks to the elder who stepped out of line. Saving Jaemin from fighting alone. "You’ll soon be taking orders from her.” Jaehyun looks at you. You stiffen up. “What about you Dreamer in training? Do you have anything to say?” The question is so stern out of his mouth. Wow. Being here really makes you see how tough and firm Jaemin has to be in order to get his point through. Thank goodness he hasn’t started swearing.

You snap out of your thoughts while feeling Jaemin’s knee budge into yours- probably his indication for you to speak fast. “Oh. Uh. Well, after the months I’ve spent training, I found it hard to believe that everyone is taught to follow and obey the rules within our community, but our very own President hadn't done that. In order to eliminate discrimination, envy, jealousy, supremacy, hate and plainly anything different. While we’ve eliminated pain, hunger, and other negatives, we’ve also eliminated love… and freedom of choice. President Suh exercised his freedom of choice, and I think… it’s only fair if everyone gets a chance to also exercise their freedom of choice.”

“So what I’m hearing is that you want the community to decide his fate?” One Neorist says- not having understood what you said.

“That’s not what I said.”

Meanwhile Jaehyun and a few others who have an idea of what you’ve said consider your words. “So, what are you trying to say?”

You turn to Jaemin and he nods his head once. “What you decide to do with the president has nothing to do with me, my concern is the aftermath. Going forward, in order to prevent what President Suh did in future, we need a new President, who embodies the right qualities. And can lead us well."

"Who do you have in mind?" The female Nurturing Elder asks. "Because I too would like to see President Suh out of power and our community actually thriving on something."

"Plus you mentioned love." Jaehyun speaks. "I speak for us all when I say, we don't know wat that is."

"Then the person who knows what it is, should rule over the communities. And break us from a box that we've created." You turn to Jaemin- and Jaemin tries to ignore the odd cliche memories sipping into his thoughts, but he finds your words very gracious and generous. You smile. "With love, you'll see how the community will flourish in a different way." You continue speaking as if you're not just talking to the Neorist Elders, but to him specifically. "Love can change our perception of the world around us, as well as our view of ourselves. If we can bring that feeling back, then we'll have true peace. Compassion."

You turn your gaze onto him, eyes glittering with excitement. It's clear to Jaemin that you're more than eager to share these ideas with the Elders. Jaemin's heart feels relieved as he thinks about your dreams. He wants those too. And maybe, just maybe, love may be what can make the world worth living in again. Aside from that, your presence already makes him want to live longer, by your side.

[inkblot22]

Truss

Woohoo Malleus woohoo! I'm making the trigger list a bit bigger because I keep thinking about how people will totally skip reading it if it's too small and then blame the writer for their own mistake. That shit is clown behavior but I don't want to be held responsible for someone else's case of stupid, so sorry to those of you who think this looks clunky. Line divider found here: @/cafekitsune. This is also a fic that is wildly self-indulgent, in that I mean that while writing I visualized my own physical form and quirks.

That being said, this fic is written with afab (assigned female at birth) readers in mind. No pronouns other than you are used for the reader, but the reader does possess a womb. Reader's chest is not described in the least, just the lower bits, and even then it's not at length. Malleus also refers to the reader as "beauty," but masculine people can be beautiful too so idk but here's a warning anyways.

This fic is DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT. TW for noncon, fae interaction rules used for said noncon, slight bullying if you squint, one (1) mention of blood (I'm beginning to think I have a problem.) Stay safe while reading. Possible OOC Malleus, I haven't read any of book 7 and if you spoil it I'll block you temporarily.

This is absolutely not your fault, and you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. It’s awful. Crewel was for sure his namesake, because this whole thing was a steaming pile of-

Alright, from the top, just to organize your thoughts: you are the only non-magic student in a school of mages. The teachers are mages. Your best friend/roommate/monster friend is a mage. The plants here can do magic, but you? No. Thanks homeworld. Love the gift of nothing.

Thus, the faculty have seemingly created a game of “how to piss off and challenge the magicless student,” in which they give you various tasks to just make you lose sleep. Vargas had you running laps until your legs felt like jelly, doing pushups until your shoulders started sounding like glowsticks. Trein had you learning completely off the wall trivia, such as what type of fabric the Queen of Heart’s favorite bathrobe was made of and why it made her more powerful. That’s nothing, it’s easy because you apparently have so much free time in their eyes. But Crewel? Fuck that man. 

When you got the assignment, it sounded fun and exciting. He gave you seeds for a fast-growing rose thing. Honestly you weren’t paying attention to the name of it, but you retained what you needed to know. The plant only grew in moonlight, so you needed to cover it before you went inside at night. It needed a minimum of two hours of moonlight to grow per night. If the basket was overturned and it was exposed to the sun, then the plants would die. Moderate watering, no fertilizer, the usual.

Once the plants bloomed, you were supposed to take the flowers and make some kind of glamour potion, so here you are, failing at doing so. You only had four flowers, and you’re down to the last one. You wasted three tries and you still have no idea what the hell you’re doing wrong and it’s due next alchemy class and you’re breaking curfew on top of all of it. You glare into your cauldron with your latest failed attempt and hunker down to shoulder against the side so you can dump it out and try again. 

“Oh, it’s you.”

The voice makes you jump out of your skin. You turn around and you almost want to cry tears of joy, because if anyone can help you, it’s him.

“When I saw a little head duck down, I thought that something strange was happening. A crime, perhaps.” Malleus smiles, and it’s not a kind smile, but you’ll take anything remotely positive at this point, “What are you doing on the floor, child of man?”

“Oh, I have to empty the cauldron.” You puff out, still trying to throw your weight to push the cauldron. You did it twice earlier, so this must be the effects of mental and physical fatigue.

“Oh, that’s right. Allow me.” Rather than waving a hand or anything, Malleus strolls on over and uncrosses his arms, taking one hand and pressing his fingertips against the lip of the cauldron. The whole damn thing tips, the failed mixture pouring out into the nearby drain. With the same ease, he tilts it back and turns to you.

When he looks at you, it’s… weird. You know he’s lizard-like, as dragons evidently are, but even Sebek’s eyes aren’t this jarring. They aren’t soulless or cold or unfeeling, but it feels like he is looking through you. His emotions don’t reflect in his eyes properly. That’s what it feels like. They reflect, but it’s wrong. Fractured. His lips quirk into a smile and you blink.

“Uh… wait, what are you doing out here, Tsunotaro?” You ask, turning to gather more materials, following the transcript of your recording from class.

His smile grows, “Just on a walk. Will you tell me what you’re trying to make?”

“Uh, yeah. This glamour potion? I don’t know. Remember how I was growing those flowers?”

“Of course. And what happened to the rest?”

“I… uh… I messed up the other potions. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.”

“No?”

“No. Do… do you think you could maybe… help me?”

“Of course.” Malleus plucks the flower up, twirling it thoughtfully, “Why don’t you gather the other ingredients?”

That was simple enough. Petals from your tediously grown blooms, some kind of floral oil with tiny white flowers inked on the label, a ball of clay no bigger than a pea, something that really resembled a severed finger, something that was hopefully just someone’s baby tooth, a handful of crystals in a rainbow of colors, and water. Lots of water. Malleus watches as you put all your ingredients on the nearby table and hums thoughtfully before dimming the lights and turning back to you.

“And where did you hear that you needed these things?” He asks. It’s not something that he says with any indication that you’re right or wrong. The tone is bland but the words say enough. 

He has essentially told you before that he believes you inept, a babe in the woods when it comes to this sort of thing, but it doesn’t stop you from looking as hurt as you feel, “The headmage visited class and gave me some pointers?”

“You personally or the entire class? I don’t personally recall concocting anything like this when I was in your grade.” He says.

You suppose you’re grateful that he’s so blunt, but his flat tone makes the sting of your failure that much sharper. You thought he’d be nicer, since you two are sort of friends, and Lilia has told you that Malleus is fond of you, but it also makes just as much sense for him to refrain from easing up in his flatness because he supposedly thinks so much of you. He thinks you’re an idiot, but he’s not willing to treat you as such.

“The whole class. And no one else in my grade is doing this.” You mutter, staring at your assortment of items on the table.

He approaches the table and plucks up the beaker of water, twisting it in his hand, “Did you distill this?”

“What?”

“Tap water often has various minerals in it. If you haven’t been using distilled water, you’ve been adding an extra ingredient. Typically, most potions are much more forgiving and you can use tap water with little issue, but this particular potion is known to be disagreeable.” He murmurs, crossing the room with your beaker of water and setting it up to distill with a practiced ease. “That’s why it’s typically saved for fourth year students’ aptitude testing.”

The revelation hit you like a ton of bricks. You’d like to protest but it unfortunately makes sense. Malleus looks over at you, somewhat blandly, then turns around to face you, looking half concerned.

You answer his question before he can ask, “I didn’t… know that. I guess it’s my fault for being from a different world…”

His lips twitch into a smile, and for a moment you can see amusement in his eyes, fractured with the underlying coldness, “Oh, it isn’t. It may be your fault for failing to ask questions, but having someone who is unused to this type of work take on an advanced project is cruel.”

“You think so?” You ask, voice lilting with hope.

“Of course I do. Why you’re expected to make a potion of this caliber is beyond me.” Malleus states blankly.

“Uh, yeah. I- I don’t know either. But thank you for helping me!”

His expression flinches. It lasts for less than a second before it smooths into an odd grin. You’re not quite sure what that means, but you’re too happy to stop and think about it. The water finishes distilling and you carefully begin crafting, using the tips Malleus occasionally mumbles towards you. Don’t put that ingredient in yet, stir clockwise, you need to grind that up with the oil, don’t rush you have time, et cetera, et cetera, and then you have a gorgeous violet mixture, glimmering with a pearlescent golden sheen.

Your jaw drops. Somehow the few ingredients you threw together is enough to fill several bottles. Malleus is making a smug face as you rush to the shelves of empty bottles and choose several fluted bottles, quickly using a ladle to deposit the final, successful potion into the bottles. You’re so giddy with your success that you hardly notice as Malleus walks towards the door and locks it. But only hardly.

“What was that for?” You ask, not actually caring. You’re too happy to be worried.

“Oh, we’ll need privacy.” He responds.

That part confuses you enough into caring. You turn around from where you’ve safely wrapped the bottles and slipped them into your bag and shoot Malleus a frown, “Privacy? For what?”

Malleus doesn’t say anything. He walks over to the table and you feel your body stand up, void of your control, and stagger over to stand in front of him. If you were concerned before, you’re frightened now. Malleus looks down at you with his strange gaze and folds his arms.

“Wh-what’s happening?! Why can’t I move?”

“You really don’t know?” He asks. Something about his tone sounds mocking, but you’re certain he doesn’t mean it to be. It’s his version of sarcasm, he’s spoken to you like this before.

Your body hops up on the table, taking a seat, and Malleus turns to stand before you, looking down at you with a soft smile. You shift your hips- what the fuck is going on- and Malleus very gently hooks his hands in the pants of your dorm uniform.

Your dorm uniform is legit whatever the hell you want it to be, so it would change on the daily. Today it was a pair of jeans and a hooded jacket. He kneels to remove your shoes and stands back up, leaning close as he tilts your chin up. His breath fans over your lips.

“You didn’t tell me that you were so lovely beneath your clothes.” His hand on your chin shifted to your cheek, and his other hand laid flat on the table. “And… your smell is much stronger. Are you aroused?”

“You can’t just ask me that! I don’t know what you did but you’ve got to let me go.”

“I didn’t do anything. This is your doing.” He retorts, pecking your lips very chastely. 

“What are you talking about?” When he didn’t respond, instead pressing the tips of his hand that was on the table against your exposed sex, your heart jumps but your body doesn’t move. You can’t, “Don’t do that!”

“Lilia informed me that making someone climax is similar to binding someone to you.” He mumbles, kissing you again as his fingers slowly slip inside. “It makes them fall in love with you. Isn’t that the most binding contract of all?”

You don’t know why he isn’t listening, but even less than that, you don’t know why he thought you could handle two fingers, much larger than your own, penetrating you. You squeal, but your body is incapable of tensing. Malleus pulls back, looking at you in a soft confusion.

“What’s the matter with you?”

“With me? What’s wrong with you? That’s too many- it’s uncomfortable!”

He blinks at you and withdraws a finger, which feels much better. You sigh. If you’re going to be forced to do this, you may as well not get hurt in the process. You close your eyes and Malleus hums.

“Is this better? You’ll have to forgive me. I haven’t had a dalliance with a human before.”

“I- I don’t think I’ll be able to… to forgive you for this.”

“No?” You can hear his smirk and the squelching noise as he pumps his finger gets louder. He slips the second finger in again and the burn isn’t so bad as last time, “Well, maybe you can decide that for certain after the wedding.”

“The wedd-” You have to bite your tongue to keep from moaning. Your body leans back, laying on the table, and your gentle assailant curls his fingers, leaning forward to mouth at your neck, “There’s not gonna be a motherfucking wedding. You’re-”

You can hear his horn scraping against the table, “Hmm. I didn’t think you were so entitled. You’re squeezing around my fingers. Are you close?”

“No!” You’re a liar. A ragged gasp leaves your throat and you feel the drop in the pit of your stomach, the burst of euphoria traveling up your spine as his thumb presses against your clit.

Malleus laughs, then leans up off of you. The sound of clothing hitting the ground is the first and only warning you get, but you can’t move, so it might as well have been silent. You feel something on your stomach, coming up about a half inch below your belly button. It’s… almost cool to the touch. You would think it would be warmer, but it’s not. Your eyes round as you stare at the ceiling, and Malleus’s face leans into view, his eyes boring into yours as though he’s reading your thoughts.

“You’re very warm. I’ve always thought this. You must be boiling inside.”

“I- what?”

He doesn’t respond, leaning back up. You feel the velvety head of his cock press against your entrance and as much as you want to jolt away, you can’t move your body. You can’t even look down to see what he’s doing. Your lashes flutter as the stretch sets in, the pressure worse than his two fingers. It burns, especially along the bottom, where his weight lays heavy thanks to gravity. You’re capable of wincing and letting out a whine, but nothing else.

“H-hey, that- that hurts.” You babble.

“Does it? You are squeezing me like a vice. I’ll stay still for a moment so you can relax some. Let me know when it stops hurting.” It’s very peculiar. Although he speaks with an animated tone, his voice is often detached. You would think he’d have more emotion since he’s inside of you.

You blink rapidly and decide that now is as good a time as any to ask, “What the hell is happening?”

“Must you tease me so?” He responds, his voice tense.

“What? I’m not teasing you. I can’t move!”

“Of course you can’t. You only just bound yourself to my will.”

“I what?” You shout.

“What, did you think I enslaved you? I could have, when we first met. You’re too free, giving people your name, thanking them, taking gifts freely… it drives me mad.” You feel a flash of heat, something warm rolling against your skin, like standing too close to a gas stove, “And now I find that you didn’t even know? I didn’t think you were such a fool.”

“That’s just called being polite!” You protest. “Oh my god-”

“I suppose I can’t blame you, really. Relax, lest I harm you.” He murmurs, rolling his hips further as though he can slide in deeper. 

You squeak, “N-no, that’s-”

“Too much, yes. Tell me, in your world, do faefolk exist?”

“I- I mean, if they do, most people don’t believe in them.” The oddity of the situation felt like a blanket. Having a semi-conversation while your friend- not after this- used you as a dick holster. It was almost comforting. “I don’t- I don’t understand.”

His voice was deeper than normal, an underlying rasp to his voice, as though it was coming from somewhere deep in his throat, “I will explain. I’ll tell you anything you’d like to know. But after I explain, I will begin to move.”

“H-hey, no-”

His voice sounded choked, half strangled as he stifled a groan, “I apologize for not being clear earlier. Among the fae, verbal contracts are common and binding. You do not give someone your name. You wonder why I never directly gave you mine? It is a way to bind someone to your will. You do not accept gifts. Invitations are fine, but a gift is a sign that you owe someone something. My help- a boon- is a gift. Typically it is repaid with another kind turn. And, most importantly, you do not thank someone without the sufficient power to break their hold.” 

You felt him draw back, that wave of heat rolling over you again, and then he slammed forward. The slick noise and dull smack were muffled by your squeal, his cockhead punching your cervix like it stole from him.

“Foolish little thing. I suppose it makes you cute.” He sneers, and your body sits up, arms wrapping around his shoulders.

The angle makes his motion a bit less painful. He’s no longer bumping against your cervix, thank the Seven, but the stretch remains. Your eyes flinch shut and Malleus tilts your chin up to kiss you again.

“St-stop- stop!” You whimper, “You’re hurting me!”

“If you would relax, beauty, that would not be a problem.” His chuckle is dark, the squelching from your coupling making a wicked duet that makes you feel dizzy, “And you said it to me so easily as well. Thank me again.”

“Wh-” One of his hands slipped under your hips, holding your bottom just under the split in your cheeks, and nipped your neck as a flat thumping echoed from where your bodies met, your legs bouncing with the motion. His member had gone back to bullying your cervix, and you wailed in the hopes that he would stop, “Thank you!”

“Heh… it escapes your lips so freely. Tell me, beauty-” He cut himself off with a grunt, panting against the column of your throat. “Tell me, what is it that you’d like? I would give you the world on a platter, should you want it.”

“I- ow! Y-you’re hurting me!”

There was a possibility that he was getting off on the pain he was causing you, just as much as there was a possibility of him not understanding that he was hurting you. With every motion of his hips against yours, despite the wicked pain, you felt that ever evil tug in your gut, like a stone growing heavier and heavier. 

You tried again, because if this had to happen, if you were under his control now, you may as well not get injured. You would not be pissing blood if you could help it, “It’s too deep!”

He listened. It was odd, but he listened, his voice warming as he slid back a bit and continued ramming into you, but no longer beating the hell out of your internal organs.

“I didn’t realize. Is that better?” His voice sounded warmer, echoey against your shoulder. His teeth grazed over your skin again when you didn’t respond. He choked out your name and you sort of came back to yourself.

“U-uh- I guess?”

“Wonderful.” He mumbled, his free hand reaching between your bodies and slicked with your sweat, to tweak your clit.

It should be embarrassing, how quickly you reached your height. Whoever he had been with in the past couldn’t have been so sensitive, since you felt his body jerk against you, an uncontrolled undercurrent to his motions. You let out a quiet, squealing moan and barely even felt the break when Malleus bit you to muffle his own groan. You didn’t feel him climaxing inside of you. You felt the control return to your body and flopped backward onto the table, your hoodie damp with sweat. Malleus took a step back, then carefully redressed you, then himself. You looked up at him and saw nothing but adoration in his eyes, not the fractured appearance of such. It was like he was actually looking at you.

When he spoke to you, leaning forward to cup your cheek, his voice was warm, warmer than ever, “Now, let’s start planning for the wedding, my beauty.”

[schizopositivity]

Why it's hard for schizophrenic people to get treatment and diagnosis for physical health problems:

• Having "schizophrenic" in our charts makes a lot of medical professionals automatically not believe us. Especially if it is a problem that they can't instantly see themselves. They may think we are either delusional or having some kind of tactile hallucinations. They could see it more as a "psychiatric problem" rather than the physical medical problem that it is.

• If you have flat or blunted affect, they may not believe you, especially if you are describing pain. They have the expectations that you would be screaming, crying, grimacing, etc. When you are straight faced and monotone and say "I am in extreme pain right now" they will likely not believe you. And this paired with medical professionals views of chronic pain just makes them not believe you even more.

• Alexithymia makes describing your symptoms very hard, and even harder to describe how the symptoms affect you. The medical professional goes off of what you tell them, if you are vague or don't have the words, they will not understand you or not believe what you are describing. Either way that will hinder your road to treatment and diagnosis.

• Having memory problems, or trouble keeping track of things can also hinder your care. If you can't remember, or even remember to write down how often a symptom occurs, how long it lasts, how it felt in the moment, and how it impacted your life at the time, they may once again not believe you. Diagnosis often requires some sort of timeline or prevalence of symptoms, and not keeping track of that could keep you from diagnosis.

• They may avoid prescribing pain killers (even if you need it) because the fact that schizophrenic people are more likely to abuse drugs than the general population. And while that fact is true, it doesn't mean that someone in extreme pain does not deserve the right to pain killers just as much as anyone else who needs them.

• Being part of a disenfranchised group while also being schizophrenic can have compounding affects on your physical health treatment. Being low-income, being a person of color, being assigned female at birth, being transgender, being intersex, any other disenfranchised group or any combination of these will impact how you are treated by the healthcare system.

• Fear of medical professionals, or fear of Dr.s offices can impact the quality of your visit. You may feel too frightened to tell them how you really feel, you may just completely avoid going into the building at all. This can happen to anyone but is especially common for schizophrenic people due to our paranoia, inability to advocate for ourselves, lack of self esteem, historical medical abuse or personal experiences with medical abuse. Plus we can have doubts about the quality of our care because of any of the other reasons listed above.

And all this occurs while we as schizophrenic people, are at higher risks of several physical health problems (you can read about it here):

[dykeulous]

CISGENDER

who is cis, what does this word mean, and is it truly useful?

for starters, we would need to define the word cis (short for cisgender)– in tra spaces, this word is ascribed to people who identify as the gender they were assigned as at birth. i fully believe trans people have a right to name the people who are different from them, and based on my own feminist thinking, saying “biological woman”/“biological man” wouldn’t really describe the experience as fully as it needs to be described. however, this definition of cis is very problematic, as radical feminists go against the core of gender identity ideology– and even though they may not be trans, they still have a very different & very unique view of self-expression, radical thinking & identity. radical feminists deserve to have their own voice on the terminology, and we deserve to voice our concerns regarding it.

i believe there are two “sets” of gender– your gender class, and your gender identity. everyone is ascribed a gender class, and most radfems are going to agree with this. the problem occurs when discussing gender identity. the term cisgender refers to people who identify as the gender they were assigned as at birth. that signifies a need for gender identity. many radfems (or, the radfems you would call cis, so, majority of them) feel intense repulsion at the thought of having a gender identity, and it’s not fair to label them transphobic for this. having a gender identity immediately carries a need to have a feeling of your gender, or belonging to your gender class. radfem theory inherently goes against this, as we are gender abolitionists. (most) radfems do not identify as women (they just are– by the virtue of being female & thus being ascribed to the gender class “woman”), (most) radfems don’t have a connection to this so-called womanhood, and (most) radfems find gender identity to be inherently repulsive. none of this is transphobic, and none of this makes them trans, either. it is strange when tras call radfems transphobic for having our own theory of gender, for having our own experiences & feminist beliefs– they have a tendency to shun down feminists for something as simple as expression of feelings.

this becomes even more complex when you consider that not all radfems are what tras would typically call “cis”, some radfems are even what they would call trans. a lot of radfems are dysphoric. a lot of radfems have simple social dysphoria, and lack sex/physical dysphoria. some radfems, who have confronted their internalized misogyny, have no social dysphoria– but they cannot get rid of their sex/physical dysphoria. other radfems have both sex & social dysphoria (me). now, the issue becomes even more complicated & less broad when you apply this logic to literally everyone else, not just radical feminists. you will realize that using the word cis, in the tra way at least, to categorize people is a very problematic way of classification. it not only becomes an issue between two merely ideologically conflicted sides, but it also challenges general logic. a lot of people are dysphoric, but not trans-identified (for various reasons, the reasons described above generally only apply to the radfem experience). lgb people in general can have an inherently unique view of identity & self-expression, especially gnc effeminate gays, and butch & masc lesbians; whether they’re dysphoric or not. it would be very damaging & hurtful to try & silence these people’s voices & scream cis! at them– even though they would fit your narrow definition of cis. just because a dysphoric person chooses not to identify as trans, for whatever reason– doesn’t mean trans activists should ignore them & their experience. dysphoria is agonizing, and dysphoric folk should have the right to speak about it & bond with each other, without being shunned down & excluded from the conversation just because they don’t identify as trans. trans rights activists have a tendency to ignore dysphoric people who aren’t explicitly trans-identified; and to include non-dysphoric people who are trans-identified. this is harmful, and a large reason for my disagreement with trans rights activists.

the issue further extends to rigid transmeds, who define transness as strictly medical & call anyone who doesn’t pass & doesn’t take hormones, as well as anyone who doesn’t medically transition, cis. even if you are a stereotypical tra, i hope you still can see how this word brings about confusion. you can say it includes everyone who identifies as the gender they were assigned as at birth, but would that mean it doesn’t include radfems who don’t have a gender identity? if yes, does that mean those radfems are trans? would you force them to identify as non-binary or agender, despite their clear disagreement & disdain for gender identity ideology? or would you just silence them, and risk silencing fellow dysphoric and trans-identified radfems? if no, then the definition of cis needs redefining. would that mean that you can say it includes everyone who isn’t dysphoric in any way, but that would mean forcing everyone who isn’t explicitly trans-identified despite being dysphoric to identify as trans. you can say it excludes everyone who has a different perception of gender, identity & self-expression than typically cis people, but that would require a redefining of the definition of cis itself, and challenging gender identity ideology thoroughly. and if the definition stays the same, does that mean butches, studs, effeminate gays, and even just some lgb gnc people in general– are inherently not cis? i could agree with that, but only if the definition of cis changes, and if tras agree to disagree with radfems; and if that doesn’t mean butches, studs, effeminate gay, detrans people & some lgb gnc people would immediately have to be trans-identified in order to speak about the harms of the cisheteropatriarchy & how it harms them personally.

i hope everyone can see my point, and not assume i’m being malicious. i’m asking genuinely, in good faith, and i’m hoping for some successful dialogue. i myself am a dysphoric trans-identified radfem, and i’m just concerned about the erasure of my fellow radfem sisters who aren’t trans-identified, but are dysphoric/and or butch, or just have a different perception & experiences with gender, identity & expression than the demographic tras would describe as cis.

[nardo-headcanons]

i was looking at your naruto headcanons and they are amazing especially the ones about kirigakure!!! i was wondering if you'll have somes about gender dynamics and expectations in kiri. just asking... also i found out you do art as well...NICEEEEEEEE (im canonsinthehead btw...)

Hii! I'm happy to hear you enjoy my ramblings about Kiri and my art!! Makes me feel like I'm not just screaming into the void.

cn: mentions of colorism, sexism and queerphobia

Gender Expectations in Kirigakure

The role of women in Kirigakure

Generally speaking, it used to be rather uncommon for women to become kunoichi. One of the women who did was Ameyuri Ringo, who quickly became an idol to many young girls in her time. The idea of a woman swordsman was ridiculous - yet she fought her way up to the top. The shinobi affilitation was a very men-oriented field and those women who did became fully fledged shinobi were battle hardened and didn't take shit from anyone.

However, it was very common for women to be part of the workforce, since many citizens are on the poorer side, women from higher ranked families being the exception. The most common jobs taken on by women used to be rice and fruit farmers, seamstresses or business (co-)owners.

This has changed, however, once the fifth mizukage, Mei Terumi, rose to power. She encouraged young women and girls to fight for their dreams and become shinobi as well.

Women of the middle and higher classes are expected to take care of themselves, look pretty and be gracious, elegant and soft-spoken. Arranged marriages were nothing uncommon, often leaving the women with no choice in the matter.

Men's role in Kirigakure

Men are expected to be hard workers, providers for the family, but the image of the ideal man does differ from other cultures. Men in Kirigakure are rather comfortable in their femininity and it is not uncommon for men to wear makeup, do skincare and sleep with silken bonnets to take care of their hair. This often leads to Kiri men being seen as effeminate or flamboyant.

The exception to this are Kiri fishermen and sailors, who have adopted a more 'westernized' view of masculinity. Often foul mouthed and abrasive, they have formed their own subculture of 'new masculinity'.

Gender outside of woman and man

It is not uncommon for youngsters and teens in Kirigakure to reject the idea of being either a woman or a man, however it does lead to scrutiny and condemnation of Kirigakure's older population. People assigned female at birth are more often scruitinized than people assigned male at birth.

The beauty ideals in Kirigakure

Fair, pale skin Fair skin is seen as a sign of wealth and beauty in Kirigakure and a very desirable trait to many people. Skin bleaching creams are widely available and there are many problems with colorism in Kirigakure.

Long, luscious hair Another sign of wealth, long, open hair is seen as the beauty ideal because it means not having to work a tedious job where long hair would be seen as tedious.

Brown eyes In a country where people with kekkei genkai were frequently hunted down and killed, it is to be expected that anyone with a rare or unnatural eye color would automatically be seen as a freak, leading to brown eyes being the beauty ideal in Kirigakure.

A plump, well fed looking body This is pretty much self explanatory, as more plump bodies are seen as a sign of being well fed and able to afford leisure time.

That's all, folks!

[orphee-aux-enfers]

I. Don’t understand how being against homophobia and misogyny and informational suppression is cultural relativism? Yeah I have a #USAmerican raised Christian bias but I think not being bioessentialist and anti-intellectual is. Normal???? Genuinely don’t understand

Okay so. My guess from how this was written is that you are either a child or just into your 20s. I'd expect much different wording and approach if you were older. So. I'm going to try and be as gentle and clear cut as possible.

1) Orthodox Judaism is actually quite diverse and also different from Christianity, even fundamentalist Christianity .

2) What you're witnessing is not necessarily indicative of the actual community values; you are interpreting without insider perspective, or seemingly any actual knowledge. You're also ascribing motive to actions that may or may not be there.

3) many orthodox Jews, myself included, are queer and trans and embraced by our community. Every person of authority I've spoken to on the matter says that my incredibly queer, t4t marriage that gets read as gay no matter what, still gets the mitzvah of sex on erev Shabbos, and that includes my main community of Chabad.

4) many books are screened before being given to children by all people everywhere for a variety of reasons. Just because you don't fully understand the reasons as you are not yourself Orthodox Jewish doesn't mean that they are automatically something to be hated due to your preconceived notions.

5) Assuming a group is inherently homophobic, misogynistic, etc. Simply because you don't understand them as you are not part of their community is in fact a bad behaviour, yes. Don't do that. Most of the time, in most communities people are at worst confused.

6) As for misogyny... It's important to know the ways in which Judaism actually structures it's sex roles. No one has different sex roles because they're lesser, which misogyny implies. And every SINGLE person I have ever met observes mitzvos based on sex due to actually desire, not coercion. But for example, married women cover their hair as a way of making their marriage even more holy. Men meanwhile are told to cover their head at all times so they are mindful of G-d at all times. What does this imply at first glance? Why, that women are capable of remembering G-d at all times and the men are silly and must forget G-d if not reminded! Do we think this is all to the interpretation?

So. Before you judge our community so harshly... Perhaps also consider the last century of human history alone. We are being killed and hurt at alarming rates again, especially in the USA. Is it any wonder we don't stop in the streets to justify our existence to you?

Lastly, an oversharing of my personal details because as I am currently safe and well at home, I feel I ought to give you opportunity to understand that you aren't seeing/understanding the complexity of sex roles in Judaism

7) so, yes, orthodox Judaism has gender/sex based roles. It also is, in my experience, pretty flexible to meet individuals. I was coercively assigned female at birth. I was however by Jewish law, tumtum. In English terms, I had ambiguous genitals which could be surgically changed. My sister wanted a baby sister. And so, I was surgically "corrected" and raised female, until puberty and onset of hormonal problems that indicated that it wasn't just a genital mutation. I felt disconnected from binary gender, and at time, in part of my community having a label for me while the hospital I was born at had simply labeled me "incorrect", I came to embrace a masculine social standing. Because I was unable to be sexed as an infant, have masculine levels of testosterone and a lack of menses for years at a time, I have to adhere to both male and female sex based mitzvos. Religiously, I am operating with the strictest possible adherence, but this is all written and debated, as are all of the other sexes in Judaism. I am, however, allowed to exist as intersex in a Jewish community in a way that I am NEVER allowed to exist as intersex without a fight in the secular world, to the point that if it's not relevant I identify only as trans, because otherwise it becomes too complicated in the secular world. And this is genuinely because there is actually a space for me to exist in, as there are six Talmudic sexes.

Being trans and intersex is "allowed". Being queer is "allowed". Some communities differ, but I've lived in seven, and all of them have been more accepting of me being queer, trans, and intersex, than any secular space, including liberal and leftist spaces. At WORST, I am met with curiosity because I am new to the community. I think, perhaps, too many people in this world mistake curiosity with hatred.

[stinetoftdk]

A better world

I am born intersex, which in my case mean that I was born with both male-typical and female typical sex traits. I was assigned the male sex at birth and because I reserve the right to be in disagreement, with that designation, I am also what is called transgender.

I see myself as a woman, but neither as male nor female.

I have a need to rearrange my sex traits, in a manner where my body will become sexually unambiguous, to the extent that is possible, to alleviate my severe discomfort associated with having male sex traits, as a woman.

I am on early retirement (welfare system, for physically/mentally ill/handicapped people), because of traumatic experiences forced upon me in the Danish healthcare system, on the basis of my status as both intersex and transgender and I have co-founded a human rights organization that aim to spread awareness of the existence of intersex people and what that means, while also working towards recognition of intersex persons human rights, especially on the right to self determination of what happen with our own bodies, that no medically unnecessary procedures are performed against our wishes or without our personal, free and informed consent (Physical integrity) and the right to highest attainable standard of health.

Just as is the case with male and female bodies, there are illnesses and problems related to being male or female, the same is true for different intersex variation, and there are many ways in which someone can be intersex.

As is the case with my variation, issues with expressing ourselves in social situations is often observed, there’s an increased tendency towards anxity, autistic traits are observed in 30-50% of all people with my variation, symptoms of the non-hyperactive form of ADHD, as well as difficulties in regulating our own emotions.

I drew the shortest straw and unfortunately I have traits of all these issues, which I think also had significance in my early retirement. That said, I of course do my very best to find solutions so that I can one day contribute to society, the same as most others, but with a differently wired brain that doesn’t at all match up with how the Danish labour market function, finding a solution has proven very difficult and I have been psychiatrically evaluated to never be able to improve my chances of ever being able to keep a job.

I hope and keep my fingers crossed that in time I can find something that suits my neuro-atypical brain.

One of the ways that helps me regulate my emotions, perform better socially and regulate my negative autistic traits has been to participate in sports. I have a particular interest in martial arts and moving my body has a calming effect on me which also helps me not feel less anxious.

For me, martial arts is a form of very physical therapy, where I can burn a lot of energy, but at the same time, it’s a way for me to achieve the weight loss that is required in most places around the world, to become eligible for gender affirming surgery.

I believe it’s important that we as transgender and intersex persons, share our experiences and lives with society, if we are able to, to participate in fostering a better understanding of who we are and thus create a better society where, we can live our lives as equals, with the same opportunities and rights, as the rest of the population.

I believe that this instead of polarizing, if we have the courage to be vulnerable and have our voices heard, can help create a shared understandings and recognition of the diversity of all people.

It would mean a lot to me, if you would share this post, because the only way I can participate in making a better world, is by reaching a bigger audience.

As intersex and transgender people, we need your help and support to create a better Denmark (and world).

(The photo is from a conference I attended a long time ago, but the message is still relevant)

[myheartismadeofstars]

Heat/Rut headcanons:

There are two "levels" of heat. Shallow heat is where the Omega is capable of functioning normally. Omegas in shallow heat tend to want their pack around them, for safety and bonding. Shallow heats are typically associated with packs gathering together to dote on the Omega. They are capable of caring for themselves, but it's very uncomfortable for them to be alone. Omegas in shallow heat CAN do things like go to work, but most places give Heat Leave (not giving heat leave is a red flag in most countries) typically the only Omegas who choose to work through Shallow Heat are Omegas who don't have a pack, so going to work would actually be more comfortable than being alone.

The other level is Deep Heat. this is the more traditional omegaverse heat. Head empty only breeding instinct. It is triggered by desire. If they are around an attractive person they feel safe with and they (sometimes subconsciously) think would make a great parent they trigger Deep Heat. They might be in Deep Heat for anywhere from an hour to three days. During this time, Omegas must be forced to eat and drink. Deep Heat can be counteracted by the presence of a related person, or any unpresented pup that they have a bond with. If a person is on Heat Suppressants, this is the type of heat they are suppressing, typically.

The most common type of suppressants acts as birth control as well, but it is possible to find some that suppress Deep Heat but doesn't prevent pregnancy (for some people Deep Heat may be triggering or they may have a disorder that causes Deep Heat to be dangerous, but they may still want to have children.) There are some suppressants that block Shallow Heat as well, but they aren't recommended for long term use. They seem to be most often prescribed for Assigned Omega At Birth trans dynamic individuals (though they are still recommended to come off them for a cycle or two every couple years for health reasons) but they were originally created for Omegas with certain health problems.

Heats vary from once every two months to every six months, and they last between 3-10 days. They can be triggered by certain medications, and possibly some foods, very rarely they may be triggered by the Rut of an Alpha but the reverse is way more common.

Ruts are also dependent on the Alpha's mindset, a healthy, secure Alpha who is happily mated will be clingy and jealous and constantly be scenting their Den and establishing boundaries. On the other end of the spectrum are Alphas who are SEVERELY unwell, becoming almost feral and very physically and potentially sexually aggressive. Alphas who go into the latter kind of Ruts can be very dangerous and it isn't uncommon for them to require rut suppressants and/or therapy to help in toning down the effects of their ruts.

Ruts typically happen on a similar frequency to heats (though typically somewhat more frequent) but they don't typically last as long (3-5 days is the average). When mated, it's extremely common (though not guaranteed) that Ruts and Heats would sync up (just ruts can also sync up but unlike with heats this only happens when mated. Heats sync up simply by living together).

In the case of both, fertility is much higher during Heat/Rut but it isn't unheard of to see pregnancy occuring outside of both (typically close to when they would occur).

Betas do not experience Heat or Rut as Omegas or Alphas do. Instead, Beta males have the ability to trigger ovulation in Beta females. (for non-Beta/Beta couples, ovulation can be stimulated with assistive devices designed for the purpose.)

[spacelazarwolf]

That reply completely glossed over op's point that if you're GNC and you want to go to a business meant to aid you in your presentation (an explicitly GNC presentation!) you're more than correct in feeling unsafe. The kind of nb people they're referring to are explicitly non-GNC in their presentation. Every time I go to the barber I feel anxious and worried at what their reaction to me, extremely non-passing trans man, will be. The same goes for a non-passing trans woman (augmented, even)

The most the average nb person who isn't going out of their way to present differently from their agab (which is VALID, btw. Like the op said they don't *owe* anyone androgyny) would have to deal with is misgendering, but for the most part I don't think a nail salon is going to ask for your pronouns when you come in and refuse service if you give the "wrong" ones

yeah i think people were getting very fixated on that example and not really understanding what the point of it was. part of it i think is because the op didn't explain it very well, but also this is tumblr dot com where we piss on the poor daily. the point wasn’t “asking for a trans friendly business if you’re not visibly trans is stupid and bad”, it’s “are you afraid someone isn't going to understand that you're nonbinary and will assume you're cis unless you say something? or are you afraid someone will refuse you service or treat you poorly?"

when i was pre t and looking for places to get my haircut, when i kept it longer and more "feminine", i didn't have a problem finding places to go. i just showed up, said i wanted a trim, and that was it. when i decided i wanted to cut it shorter and get a "men's cut", i had a lot of trouble finding someone who would even do it. over and over i would get hairdressers (all women) who would give me pixie cuts instead of men's cuts. i once spent two hours at the salon repeatedly telling the hairdresser "go shorter" because she literally would not just buzz it and insisted we go little by little in case we went "too short." but they still provided me service. it wasn't until i found my current hairdresser, who is a gay man, that i started getting the cuts i actually wanted. and now that t is making my voice drop and most importantly in this context changing my hairline in a noticeable way, it is imperative that i have a barber who is trans friendly. because people can absolutely react badly to discussions about pronouns, but when there is a physical marker of Gender Difference, that's when i noticed people started getting more aggressive. that's when i started to notice "oh this isn't just really uncomfortable and shitty anymore, this person doesn't want to mock me, this person wants to hurt me." both sucked, but one was significantly more terrifying to experience.

an example that is probably more relevant to the topic and what's currently happening in my life is a conversation i had with a friend of mine who is nonbinary, was assigned female at birth, presents feminine, and has no interest in any aspect of medical transition. love that for them! but trying to talk to them about losing my access to hrt is nearly impossible because they simply do not understand the severity of it. they have compared me losing a job because my coworkers found out i was trans, and being unable to do anything about it because my state is an at-will state, to their coworker misgendering them their first day at work when they were not wearing their usual pronoun pin.

does getting misgendered at work suck? yeah. does it suck to have to wear a pin with pronouns on it just to get people to use the correct ones? yeah. is this indicative of a larger societal problem with cis normativity and the gender binary? absolutely. but the sting of being misgendered in the moment and having to correct someone (who from then on used the correct pronouns) is absolutely not the same as losing your health insurance and only source of income and housing all within the span of two months.

the problem isn't that You Must Be This Oppressed To Talk, the problem is that interrupting a conversation about the government legislating your right to exist to center a moment of personal discomfort is an asshole thing to do.

[woman-of-balnain]

Possession (Alpha Rick x Omega Reader)

Prev. Work | Collection Masterlist | AO3 Ver. | Next Work

Pairing: Rick Grimes/Fem!Reader

Summary: After catching another alpha making unwanted advances on you, Rick makes the younger man watch as he claims you all over again, showing that you are indisputably his. 

Set in the early Alexandria days (s5).

A light sequel to my other story, ‘the Claim’, but this can be read independently.

A/N: If you haven’t read ‘the Claim’, basically Reader is Hershel’s daughter but can be read as any race (as in you can picture her as adopted etc.).

If you have read it, then just note that Lori still died giving birth to Judith, making Shane completely lose his sanity and he’s no longer around either (the reason why can be left up to your imagination). Like in the show, Rick has adopted Judith as his own and you both act as her parents but that is only mentioned and doesn’t play any serious role in this oneshot.

I’m really unsure about this one because the scenario is pretty fucked up lmao but hopefully it’s not complete and utter trash 😅

Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, there’s some non-consensual kissing and touching from an original male character, Rick being feral, dominant, possessive and a little bit dark, submissive reader, smut, brief orgasm delay/denial, unprotected sex, creampie, established relationship, Rick and reader are true mates, reverse-voyeurism I guess? Since Rick is literally getting off by making someone else watch... reader is female and wears traditionally female clothing.

Word Count: 3,989

Dividers by: @newlips​ + @cafekitsune​

Rick couldn’t help but feel uneasy and keep his guard up in the early days after arriving in Alexandria. After losing the farm and then later the prison, it was only natural that the whole group felt on edge. It felt too good to be true and it reminded him a little of Woodbury, making him wonder if Alexandria was also putting up some kind of front.

 Ultimately though, Rick wanted it to be everything it presented itself as, because the group needed a win after the hell they’d all been through. So, Rick was determined to try and make it work; and he knew that he could eventually – at least once he put a certain alpha in his place.

 It hadn’t escaped his attention how a younger alpha kept hanging around you, his omega. It bothered him, deep down, that the other man was closer to you in age and the way he made you laugh and smile with whatever stupid things he was saying.

 But Rick knew that the interactions were just friendly on your part. Your eyes had never strayed in all the time you’d been together, but that didn’t subdue the possessiveness he felt over you. The problem was the other alpha, Dylan, and the clear interest he had in you, despite you being claimed by Rick long ago.

 The way he touched you – light brushes against your skin that could have easily been explained away as an accident, but Rick knew it was much more than that – it made his blood boil. Rick had seen you grow uncomfortable more than once, but your new job, assigned to you by Deanna, meant that you would have to work closely with the other alpha. He didn’t like it, but he knew that he had nothing solid to prove that Dylan was doing anything wrong. At least not yet.

 His irritation only got worse when he came back to the house you’d been given, early in the evening one day after he’d been discussing things with Deanna. Because the first thing he saw was Carol, holding Judith, and no sign of you. The two of you had adopted the little girl as your own after Lori’s death, so the fact that you weren’t the one looking after her was out of the ordinary. His eyes scanned the rest of the living room, but you were nowhere to be found and it set him on edge.

 “She went off to help someone,” the beta woman told him calmly, sensing his uneasiness.

 “Who?” He grit out, already knowing the likely answer.

 “Dylan,” she replied with a hint of trepidation, knowing he wouldn’t like it. “Wanted some advice on that wild horse that was brought in.”

 It was a logical reason to ask for your help, since you had plenty of experience with horses due to growing up on the farm. Not to mention the fact that Dylan was in charge of looking after any livestock in Alexandria and you were tasked with working alongside him. But Rick knew there had to be an ulterior motive on the other alpha’s part, so he didn’t even say another word to Carol before he turned and headed back out the door in search of you. 

You were in the stables of Alexandria, stroking along the nose of the wild, yet beautiful mare that had been successfully captured, trying to calm it as it grew restless in its stall.

 “I’ll try to spend some time with her every day,” you told Dylan, your attention still on the mare. “Gain her trust first before we try to do anything with her.”

 “Thanks, Y/N,” the young alpha replied, moving closer to you.

 His arm brushed against yours and you tried to ignore the uncomfortable feeling growing inside of you. You turned to face him and tried to put some distance between you both, but he just kept coming closer.

 “You know,” he said, getting right up in your space. “It’s gonna be really nice having you around here to help.”

 “Uh… thanks?” You replied, dread filling you at the way he wouldn’t stop coming closer and closer.

  “And it’s just an added bonus that you’re easy on the eyes,” he continued, looking you up and down.

 He had backed you up against the nearest wall and now his scent was all around you. It was suffocating and unpleasant, because it wasn’t Rick’s familiar and comforting scent. The fear just grew inside you at the lack of your alpha’s presence.

 “Dylan... Rick will lose it if he hears you say something like that,” you warned, knowing better than anyone just how protective your alpha could be.

 “That old man?” He scoffed, causing anger to rise within you. “What’s he gonna do?”

 Dylan pressed his body against yours and you struggled, trying to move away, but he took hold of your arms and pinned you in place.

 “Come on, Omega,” he tried to convince you and you hated the way that word sounded coming from his mouth. “You need a real Alpha. One who can keep up with you.”

 If only he knew… you thought to yourself, thinking that you were the one usually left exhausted as you tried to keep up with Rick’s stamina.

 “What?” You asked, with annoyance, trying to mask your discomfort. “Someone like you? Give me a break…”

 “Don’t worry,” he snarled, his face so close that you were forced to look him in the eye. “I’ll make you forget him. I’ll make it so the only name you remember is mine.”

 “Seriously,” you fought against him again. “Just cut it out. You don’t want to see him angry.”

 “You reek of him,” was Dylan’s only response.

 “What do you expect? He’s my mate.”

 “That’s never stopped me before,” he grinned.

 He pushed his hips against you so that you could feel how excited he was by the idea. It only repulsed you and made you turn your head away in disgust.

 “Please, don’t do this…” you pleaded with him, truly scared now as you realised the full depth of his intentions.

 “That’s right,” he chuckled darkly. “Beg, little Omega.”

 Then he took hold of your face roughly, turning it back to look at him before his lips forced themselves onto yours. You kicked your legs and grunted against him in anger, trying desperately to get away, but his hold on you was steadfast and you weren’t able to escape.

 You hated it, every fibre of your being screaming out that this was wrong and wondering where the hell Rick was. It was more than just another man forcing himself on you. It was like trying to mess with nature, because the claiming bite Rick had placed on your neck linked you to him intrinsically. It joined you physically and emotionally, so another man touching you was like torture.

 You gasped for air, relief filling your body when Dylan’s body was ripped away from yours. The relief didn’t last long, though, because you caught sight of your alpha, enraged and completely out of control. You wiped the back of your hand against your mouth, wishing you could erase what had just happened.

 Rick was fuming and pushed the other alpha to the ground before plummeting his fists into the younger alpha’s face. His eyes were feral with an untamed fury over another man touching you in that way.

 “Rick…” you called out softly, trying to get his attention.

 Despite his anger being completely warranted, and the way you still felt disgusted over the other alpha’s unwanted touch, you needed Rick to calm down. Because if he didn’t, it could jeopardise the new home you had all found.

 But Rick either didn’t hear you or refused to listen, continuing to brutally beat the other alpha down into the ground. You winced when you heard the tell-tale sound of bones breaking and saw the way Dylan’s head whipped to the side from the force of Rick’s assault.

 When most of the younger man’s face was a mix of dark bruising and bright, red blood, Rick finally let up, his chest heaving and his eyes still absolutely feral. He stood up, leaving Dylan on the ground, the younger man coughing and wheezing in his defeat.

 Then Rick’s gaze met your terrified one and his expression softened as he made his way over to you. His eyes and hands searched you frantically, making sure that you were okay, and you looked at the broken skin of his knuckles with concern.

 “Baby, I’m sorry,” his voice cracked as he spoke, and then he was resting his forehead against yours.

 “F-for what?” You stammered out, still in shock from it all.

 “I wasn’t here,” he elaborated, his hands resting protectively on your hips. “To stop him from doing that to you."

 “You’re here now,” you pointed out, your fingers stroking soothing patterns across his cheek. “But… you shouldn’t have done that. Won’t Deanna get mad?”

 You looked over at the other alpha, still lying on the ground, but now unmoving. Seeing the way your concern only deepened, Rick followed your gaze and his mood darkened again. He moved away from you, striding back over to the man who was the reason for his current rage.

 Bending down, he grabbed hold of the collar of the younger man’s shirt with one hand, pulling him up slightly before he hit across Dylan’s face with his other hand. The other alpha startled back awake with a groan, eyes barely keeping open from how swollen they’d become.

 Rick pulled him up, dragging his body until it was propped up against the wall that he’d previously held you against. Then, he bent right down to look straight into the other alpha’s eyes, every part of him seething as he was only just holding back from killing the younger man.

 “No, you don’t get to pass out,” Rick drawled out, voice low and gruff with barely restrained fury. “You’re gonna watch. You’re gonna see everything and take it all in until you understand that she’s mine. And afterwards, assuming that you get to live, if you ever even look at her again, I’ll do more than just break your jaw.”

 You stared at your alpha with confusion, wondering what exactly he intended for the other man to see. Then Rick stepped back before turning to look at you again and the unrestrained lust that entered his eyes as he took you in made you both nervous and excited.

 “Rick…” you said again, backing up and away from him.

 He stalked you like you were his prey, but it was different to when the other alpha had done it. Because Rick was yours and you were his. And sooner or later, he would have you however he wanted you. Your back hit resistance and you realised that you were trapped again, but now there was only desire and anticipation filling you at the thought of what he had in mind.

 “Omega,” he said lowly, caging your body with his. “Tell me what he said to you. What he wanted to do.”

 Your eyes widened at his request, but you had never seen him so completely feral, so raw with anger. Reluctantly, you decided to obey him, not wanting to push him any further.

 “He…”

 You faltered, feeling nervous, but Rick gave you a reassuring look, telling you he wouldn’t be angry. Not with you anyway.

 “He… he said he would show me what a real alpha is like…” you admitted hesitantly.

 Rick’s gaze darkened, but he didn’t interrupt. You didn’t like repeating it, but deep down, in the darkest depths of your mind, you enjoyed how possessive he was of you. That alone gave you the courage to continue.

 “He wanted to take me, despite the fact I’m yours. Wanted me to beg him to stop…”

 You looked away, but that was enough for Rick. He gently turned your head back to face him and rubbed his thumb over your bottom lip tenderly.

 “I’m here now,” he repeated your earlier words. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

 You nodded, trusting him completely and he leaned forward, bringing his lips to yours. The familiar, but no less perfect sensation made all of the tension you felt fade away. His mouth reclaimed your own, washing away any traces of the other alpha and reminding you that you were Rick’s and his alone. His to claim, his to protect and his to love.  

 Just like every other time that he kissed you, the world around you seemed to melt away and you forgot that you weren’t alone. You forgot everything except for Rick. So, you gave no resistance when his hands moved up your thighs and under your skirt. Your only reaction was to let your hips buck up with need when his fingers came into contact with your core.

 He pushed your flimsy panties to the side, allowing him to feel you properly and tease you senseless. You quickly grew wet, your body perfectly tuned to respond eagerly to his touch. Rick knew exactly what you wanted, understanding what drove you towards euphoric release.

 He thrust his fingers inside of you, while his thumb moved over your clit, applying just the right amount of pressure. It rubbed in circular motions, occasionally flicking over the sensitive nub to stimulate you further. You moaned shamelessly, clinging to the soft lapels of his jacket.

 It was that dark brown suede one, with the woollen collar that he always seemed to be wearing when he unleashed his anger on someone, after they pissed him off. Seeing him in it, earlier that day, that should have been a warning sign telling you that something bad was going to happen.

 But in that moment, he had never looked more desirable as his head pulled back and you took in the raw lust in his piercing blue eyes. Tendrils of his curly hair fell down onto his face and his lips were swollen from the force of the kiss you’d just shared. He was determined to prove a point and it left you aching for him.

 “You’re so wet, ‘mega,” he groaned out, fingers still plunging in and out of your pussy. “Just for me, right?”

 “Only for you, Alpha,” you responded instantly, biting down on your lower lip in an attempt to stifle your moans.

 “What do you want, baby?” He asked, fingers curling inside of you. “Tell me.”

 “I want you,” was your breathless reply. “I need you. Your cock… inside me...”

 “Beg for it.”

 “What?” You asked, in a daze.

 Rick pulled his fingers from you abruptly, ignoring the way you whined at the sudden empty feeling they left behind. He grabbed hold of you, turning you around until you were facing the other alpha – the man you’d forgotten was even there. He was still conscious but barely keeping his eyes open. Yet, his attention was fixed on the two of you.

 “Oh god…” you whispered with embarrassment at the sudden reminder of his presence.

 “Did you forget we had company, baby?” Rick asked, pressing his chest against your back as his arms held tightly to your waist. “He’s going to watch you come undone. He’s going to learn that you’re mine. Only mine.”

 “Rick…”

 “I told you, sweetheart,” he continued. “If you want my cock, you have to ask for it. Give him what he wanted, let him hear you beg. For me.”

 “Fuck,” you groaned in response, unable to deny how turned on you were by his show of dominance.

 Rick pushed down on your back, bending you forward slightly as his leg moved between yours. Your thighs spread instantly, letting him settle between them and his strong hands pushed your skirt up so that you were fully exposed to him.

 Then he we went still, holding you there but no longer moving. You realised what he was waiting for, but it was humiliating to think of begging him in front of someone else.

 “Omega,” he warned.

 One of his hands left you and you heard the tell-tale sign of him unbuckling his belt. Just the thought of him being so close but unwilling to touch you until you did as he demanded broke your resolve.

 “Oh god,” you whined out, desperate for his touch. “Please, Rick…”

 The sound of his belt hitting the floor from behind you made you even more needy, because he still wasn’t touching you how you wanted him to.

 “You can do better than that, ‘mega,” he replied calmly.

 “Please, Alpha. Please fuck me, I need it.”

 You no longer cared that you had an audience. Rick was an expert at making you come undone for him and you were at the point where you’d do anything that he asked if it meant he would give you what you so desperately craved. A deep moan escaped you when he took hold of your hips, pressing you back against him.

 You realised that his pants were pulled down, allowing his hardened length to rub against you tantalisingly. But it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t where you ached for him to be.

 “Go on,” he coaxed you with a groan, wanting more. “Tell me what you need.”

 “I need your cock,” you replied obediently. “Only yours.”

 “Why?”

 “Because… oh, fuck,” you faltered briefly as his erection brushed against your clit. “Because you’re the only one who can make me feel good.”

 “That’s right,” he agreed, pleased with your words. “And where do you want it, baby?”

 “Rick!” You whined, unable to comprehend how he was so composed or how he still wasn’t satisfied.

 “Tell me,” he insisted, one hand tugging at your hair and pulling your head back.

 “I need your cock inside me,” you gave in. “Deep inside my pussy. Please, please, please… I need it so badly!”

 “Such a dirty mouth,” he let out a light laugh.

 “Rick, please, I can’t take it anymore.”

 “Okay, baby,” he soothed you, lining himself up at your entrance. “Since you begged me so nicely.”

 He didn’t wait for a response, thrusting into you hard and fast, his cock pushing in, right to the hilt. The moan that escaped you was primal and desperate as your pussy clenched around him in response.

 “See how well she responds to me?” Rick asked, no longer talking to you.

 Your eyes fluttered shut and you attempted to block it out. But it was impossible, because your body was so acclimated to taking in his every word.

 “You know,” he continued, still pounding into you from behind. “She’s still just as tight as the first time I fucked her. This pussy was made for me. Enjoy the show, because this is the only time you’ll ever see her like this.”

 “Rick,” you cried out, going crazy from the way he was speaking. “Oh god, don’t stop!”

 It ashamed you how much it turned you on. You were absolutely dripping, not only from his actions, but from his possessive display of dominance.

 “Hear that?” He continued taunting the other man. “This is how an alpha fucks his omega. And you? All you can do is watch.”

 “Please, I’m so close…” you begged, your mind in an absolute daze.

 “No,” Rick denied, his words now meant for you. “You don’t get to cum until I tell you to.”

 You whined obstinately, but you both knew that he had you wrapped around his finger and that you’d do whatever he said. Your body rocked forward with every brutal thrust, and he knew exactly what he was doing to you, but he still had a point to prove.

 “She’s mine,” Rick grit out, sounding like he was getting closer to the edge – of both his release and his sanity. “Every single part of her is attuned to me. If she begs, it’ll be because I tell her to. The only alpha she’s ever gonna know is me.”

 It was like a sweet sense of euphoria when his hand moved down between your legs, and he brought his attention back to your aching clit.

 “You’re so good to me, aren’t you baby?” He praised, his lips right by your ear.

 “Yes,” you replied, desperate to cum. “Yes, only for you, Rick.”

 His thumb rubbed over your sensitive nub and your pussy contracted around him in response.

 “That’s it,” he coaxed you, voice low and reverberating through his chest against your back. “Cum for me sweetheart, let me feel you squeezing around me.”

 “Fuck!” You moaned out desperately as he flicked his thumb over your clit and sent your body crashing over the edge.

 Rick let out desperate sounds of his own as he pushed into you deeply, holding you steady against him. Then, the hand he still had holding onto your hair forced your head to tilt to the side, offering your neck to him.

 His head bent down and his lips came into contact with your mating gland before he sunk his teeth into the skin, reclaiming you so that there would be no doubt about who you belonged to. You couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a scream – it was partly from pain, as the old wound was reopened, but mostly it was from a deep and intense sense of pleasure as he re-staked his claim.

 Then you felt his cock twitch before he came deep inside of you, his other hand resting over your lower abdomen possessively. Rick kept you close to him, making sure you took every last drop while his tongue soothed the spot on your neck that would always keep you tied together.

 He traced light patterns along your stomach, comforting you as you both came down from your high. Eventually, he pressed one last kiss to your sensitive gland before pulling back and sliding out of you. He fixed your skirt, moving it back down before he righted his own clothing, pulling his pants back up and covering himself again.

 You swayed a little on the spot, still in a bit of a daze. He seemed instantly aware of how exhausted and spent your body was, because he wrapped his arms around you, turning you to face him.

 “You’re okay, sweetheart,” he promised. “I’ve got you.”

 Your head fell to his chest, and you let out a content sigh as he pulled you into a protective hug. When your body had settled and you were able to support yourself, Rick pulled away and brought his attention back to the other alpha.

 Dylan began breathing heavily as Rick walked back over to him. But he was so beaten, bloody and bruised that he couldn’t seem to say anything. You watched as your alpha gave him one last, hard punch to the face, knocking him out cold again.

 “Rick, this is not good,” you said, reality and all its repercussions coming back to you. “Once Deanna finds out –”

 “Hey,” he cut you off, moving back over to you. “I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry, okay?”

 His expression had softened again, and he reached out to take your hands in his. You wanted to trust him, because he’d never let you down before, but Alexandria was so different to what you’d experienced since the loss of the farm, and you didn’t want to lose the sense of security and normalcy that it provided.

 “Y/N,” he held your gaze, his voice filled with conviction. “I love you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

 You couldn’t hold back a smile at his words, and you nodded, letting your instinct to trust him overcome all of your doubts.

 “I love you too,” you replied softly.

He grinned in response, pulling you closer and capturing your lips in a gentle and loving kiss. As usual, everything else seemed to fade away until all that was left was Rick and your unwavering faith in him.

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