#also correct me on details bc idk much about history | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

luvfy0dor · 6 months

Note

Henlo

You know who it is, we all know, henlo

I feel like I’ve been here a lot recently

Just starting off with saying I loved the Dazai piece. It was really cute. Dad Dazai trying his best, made my heart melty

But I think you know why I’m here today

On this day

Honestly the day doesn’t entirely matter but I’m here on THIS one

With the dad Fyodor thought I promised

Cuz here I was thinking to myself. I feel like Fyodor definitely wants his child or children having some connection to Russian culture, since that’s a part of them too, regardless of their other parent’s nationality or background, he definitely wants his included. (Tho his partner could totally do the same)

So I was wondering, would you like a piece of him either teaching his children Russian or making Russian food for them? Or really sharing any Russian cultural thing with them at all. Honestly whatever one is easier for you to write or go into detail with, they’re all equally cute.

Cuz if his child or children develop a connection to that, I feel like that would make him a lot happier than maybe he would fully show.

I hope this ask sparks the creative brain juices in a fun way

Also considering sending a Halloween themed request at some point idk… oh but who knows!We’re here rn and having fun with this, that’s all we need at the moment

Also real glad you enjoy my messages lol. I will absolutely keep sending. Take as long as you need

-the person here attempting to give everyone baby fever because it’s funny

This blog’s Dad Fyodor anon

"da!" - Dad!Fyodor x GN!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

Warnings; Google translate Russian, not much reader involvement, very minimal proofreading happened

Description; Dad!Fyodor teaching his child about Russian culture! It incorporates ideas from the first dad!Fyodor part.

A/n; YESYESYES I one hundred percent agree, I think about this on the regular OMG I hope I depicted this well bc my knowledge on Russia isn't all that extensive lol, if you have any corrections, do tell me!! : ) Also I'm gonna be so fr I had NO idea what to name this so we're rolling with da I guess.............

Headcannons !! ༊*·˚

★ He teaches his child/children classical Russian music when they're old enough to play more difficult pieces. Until then, he'll settle for twinkle twinkle little star.

★ Introduces his children to ballet.

★ His children have a variety of Russian-originating toys, such as Matryoshka/Russian nesting dolls, rocking horses etc.

★ Brings his children to Russia at least once, specifically to Moscow (irl Dostoevsky was raised in Moscow, so we're gonna assume BSD Dostoevsky was too) to experience the culture first hand.

★ Teaches his children the foundations of the Russian language. He would like them to fluently speak it one day, though.

★ Cooks Russian food for them like I mentioned and included in the first part.

★ They learn about Russian history from their father, anywhere from Peter the Great to fur trade and all that jazz

Scenario !! ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

(as always, p/t is parental title, d/n is daughters name)

Your head leaned against your fist while you watched your husband and daughter focus on their current activity. D/n carefully picked the colors and pigments she would use to color in the white spaces on her paper, and Fyodor just tried to keep things inside the lines. You could see the little girls tongue slightly sticking out from between her lips in concentration, making you smile.

Your daughter went to pick her next color, chosing a pink crayon to fill in the nose of the cat. "Papa, what'd you say your hat was called again? The one you always wear." She clarifies, even though there was really only one hat that Fyodor would wear at all. His eyes don't leave his thin paper as he replies, "A ushanka, and it's from Russia, malyshka." He answered, pushing some of his hair out of his face and behind his ear. "Russia." She says, the sound not unfamiliar, but not common to her either. "Where's that?" She tilts her head upwards, putting her crayon down to signify her attention on her papa. He puts his down too and rests his arms on top of one another.

"Quite far, but it is in both Asia and Europe. That's how big it is, it stretches over two continents." He says, a smile on his face. Her eyes widen a little. "That is really big. Have you been there before?" Her head tilts and she shifts a bit in her seat. "I grew up there, in the city of Moscow." He says, happy with her clear interest in his motherland.

"We should go there for a vacation one day!" She says, a grin on her face. He laughs a little bit and nods. "I agree, we definetly should." He agrees, fantasizing about it in his head. "Is that why you talk like that?" She questions her fathers accent, skittering around the table and climbing onto his lap. He smiles gently and nods. "Yes, it's called an accent, malyshka. I learned English, but Russian is my mother tongue. There are a lot of different pronunciations for certain sounds in Russian." He tells her, his hands fidgeting with the young girls hair. He parts it into three sections and starts to braid it.

"Is everything different there?" Fyodor hums, thinking as he weaves her hair into a gorgeous French braid. "Well, it definitely very different, but I don't think I would say everything." He says. "There are more historical differences than anything, if I do say so myself." She hums in understanding. "Papa, can you teach me some Russian?" She asks, turning her head to look at him with puppy dog eyes, even though she really didn't need them. He smiled and nodded.

"What should I teach you?" He softly questions, looking into the young girls eyes. She thinks for a moment, tapping her pointer finger on her chin. "I don't know! Whatever you want." She says, just excited to hear another language. He chuckles softly. "я не знаю, что тебе сказать" (I don't know what to tell you) he responds, a small grin on his face. Her eyes widen, almost as if she never believed he could speak a different language. You giggle a bit at her reaction.

"What does that mean?!" She excitedly asks, her mind seemingly blown over this. "It simply means I don't know what to tell you." He speaks. "But I can tell you the simple stuff. Like 'да' means yes and 'нет' means no. Hello is 'привет' and goodbye is 'до свидания'."

The young girl takes a mental note of these words. "привет, papa! I think I said that right." She says. You proudly watch the scene go down. Fyodor gives you a similarly prideful smile. "Yes, you did wonderful, malyshka." He praises her, patting her shoulder. "I'll have to teach you more one day." She nods vigorously, very obviously wanting him to. "Yes! And then we can have secret conversations, no one else will know what we're saying!" She snickers, making him smile.

A/n; I hope this is alright!! I loved this request a whole lot. Oh, also, feel free to send in that Halloween request even though it's November now lol

"Oh, ofcourse. That will probably be rather far in the future, though." He says, removing her from his lap and gently patting her back. "That's okay. If I learn more I'll know more words." She states the obvious. "And I'm gonna learn from the best russian ever." She beams, making Fyodor grin. "That's right, sweetheart."

195 notes · View notes

di-greglestrade · 2 months

Note

john sent me his chat with you out of character (where you and him are out of character i mean) and i sent you screenshots as proof dont show it

just letting you know he's talking about you and idk of he's proud? bc he like harasses u until u say stop even though you said you were uncomfortable already. fucking weird.

I don't think it was terribly rude of him to keep messaging until I said stop, I felt I was more saying,"No more after this." Rather "Please stop you are harassing me."

But when he takes those screenshots and sends them to others, that is reaching into the realm of harassment. (Speaking about me like that, claiming I would.)I'm not sure how he thinks I am the bad guy when I want to start moving on, most of this is me reacting to them continually doing injustice to me. No matter, though. I was mostly resting, and doing other real life or internet hobbies.

That's something I want to remind everyone of, please don't get surrounded by drama or other situations, especially ones easily walk away from! I have a family, career, hobbies, a whole life. I know not everyone has more rounded lives, or use the internet to escape. In such cases, remember other websites exist, other friends. (If you're only watching the drama, it's easier too. Enjoy 😭)

Make sure you step back, even metaphorically, when things become too much.

I didn't know speaking out would cause such reactions/harassment, and I certainly didn't think those not speaking out would have to entertain the same harassment. (I am not saying John harassed Blurry, but the way John involves people who don't want to or have not wanted to speak out. Not to mention whatever John/Mycroft are doing to Sherlock, who also hasn't said anything.)

Please remember also in the sharing of screenshots, if personal information is revealed - regardless who is sharing it - remember if it is information they would normally not want to be exposed, to ignore it. Regardless who it is, me, Sherlock, John themselves, it is private conversations with private personal information.

It doesn't matter what is revealed but we must respect it as personal and not reference it, but the matter personal and private information is being shown and that is inappropriate.

Also remember anything you say online, even if it is in a private message, is public information now. It's up to us to respect it as private, and not share it, but when you say it know it is "out there" now. So to be cautious, do not reveal what you don't want known online.

These characters, while often friendly, are not your personal friends. There are mods, real people, behind these characters and they are not your friends. These mods who are projecting through their characters, while normally fine with smaller details, is inappropriate to use them to harass others. It is a power imbalance. They are not your friends. Be careful of telling them information of yourself.

Keep the discussion mature, and please wish no bad on the mods behind the characters or use personal information learned against them.

His actions show me I was correct and I should not have spoken to him. I was uncomfortable, who knows what I could have shared? Thinking he wants to discuss it, only to screenshot and share? I'm not sure his motivation for it yet. 🤷🏽‍♀️ (Or messaging Blurry when they had very little history talking, just to involve him heavily like that.)

Keep spirits high, hope for the best. Thank you, take care.

One last note on this post. Screenshots are fine in my opinion to show, if the intention behind them is pure. I just posted some to show they were in character. That was my point. That is what I proved. Once Mycroft started messaging me out of character, I have not shown them. When Harry and John messaged me out of character, I have not shown them. Even though Harry and I disagreed, and even though I requested John to leave me alone. I shared nothing.

Unless there is some threat, I suppose, I wouldn't have anything to show. But one thing is for sure, personal/private information is different from showing somebody playing a character.

#mod speaks #mod post

6 notes · View notes

speaking-at-the-theater · 1 year

Text

TOH REACTION

so first thing first: i misspell a lot. i also swear a lot, if that bothers you, sorry

i havent watched the last two eps of toh so heres me doing it. i’ll compile it all in one post so i wont have to tag 300+ posts, i also use caps a lot.

anyway, let’s go! QUICK DETAIL I ACCIDENTALLY REFER TO COLLECTOR AS HIM HERE I DIDNT NOTICE HE WAS THEY THEM I'LL CORRECT IT AS SOON AS POSIBLE

FOR THE FUTURE! here we go

collector’s happiness overlaid with everyone else’s suffering is so…funny??? idk also ‘it’s like the whole world is singing’ is a cool phrase if it weren’t for the context XD

–

aunt lily to the rescue!!

–

LILY NO

–

‘now, what part do i get to play’ horrific scene i want more

also: this is why you don’t give children godly powers. it ends badly!

–

oddly beautiful if not for the corpses

i want that as my wallpaper

—

EDA’S REQUIEM!!!!!!

–

you know things are bad when the logo/intro changes

—

‘it’s not like he’ll inexplicably appear if you say his name!!’ hunter have you ever read a fairytale? a myth? the bible??? names have power.

—

oh yeah never mess with a latina mama.

–

it’s cute seeing the kids miss their home

–

through the face??? count me in!!

–

luz is smitten

–

noooooo luz :((((( you’re happier sharing both realms everyone can see it

—

anyone know what these are??

–

ah. the bastard is here.

–

CALEB???

–

nooo gus youre making me cryy

–

‘i’m fine, really’ said every character who is not fine in the story of ever

–

the soundtrack in eda’s room scene!!!! i need it!!!!

–

amity’s palisman being a cat fits so well bc cats choose where they go. you cant control them the way you might a dog or a bird, which fits well with the idea of choosing your own path.

—

camila is taking everything so well!! my mom wouldnt last two seconds in the boiling isles. neither would i ofc.

–

is this an animation error or….??

–

some graffiti messages i managed to read:

-(do not) celebrate the day of unity! :(

- boo belos

-hide ur kids

-run

-they’ll find you!!

-hide

-nope, no, go away

-closed forever

-help

-run

and general sun and moon symbols

-beware the collector

-amelia, cat! (general stuff i cant make out) (infinity train???)

-where is the titan now?

-belos lied

these are cute

–

wow that’s creepy

i know it’s supposed to be creepy about the collector playing pretend while everyone suffers but- i can’t. the secondhand embarrassment is too much for me.

light glyph go??????

collectors ‘cool aunt vibe who pretends to be coldhearted but actually cares a lot’ vs luz’s ‘bad but sad boy’

parallels? ey?

hmmm yeah that was creepy

‘little space cherub’ XDD

love how we go from funny new hexside to (ughhhh) belos.

—

hmm i would love to analyze the composition of this glyph

–

all the bastard adults trying to take advantage of the collector ughhhhhh

also love the space palace

plus: ‘what do mortals eat again? rocks? fire? gravity?’, unfortunately, collector, we are not stars

–

of course the book is made of rocks. of course.

also king seems…practiced, on reading the book. you gotta wonder how much he knows now about collectors

cool how collector is both evil and, yk, a child. bc children are not always innocent. they can be some of the cruelest creatures on the universe (i would know)

–

one has got to wonder about the history told in those walls, meaning i will wonder and theorize. bc that’s what i do.

ok it seems like collector was…surrounded by titans. baby titans, and then a group of older collectors took him in, seeing as theyre smiling and reaching out a hand, instead of banishing him away. they dont look friendly, but it might just be the portrait.

although those first two portraits reveal themselves, at the very end there’s something else

unfortunately i have no idea what it is. i dont think the repetition is an animation error or shortcut. if it were, why only repeat two times and change at the very end, where it is unlikely to be noticed??

again, portraits repeat, except for a star in the middle.

......i wanna theorize on this. maybe on another post.

collectors doing something to a planet and our collector watching, wanting to join in, but probably rejected (the whole portrait section had a lot of images but it surpassed tumblrs limit so i deleted them, more on another post, maybe

–

—

—-

—

–

poor raine tho. what’s up with them and people trying to mindcontrol them????

—

poor hooty

–

what’s this, rapunzel?? a tear saves the guy???

–

poor willow tho

–

‘’im gonna assume those are clean’ ma’am cleanness is the last thing you need to worry about now

–

that’s two simultaneous mindcontrollings! raine is on a roll!!

—

“trouble with your team, captain half-a-witch? leading isnt easy is it? all your time is spent helping the team, keeping people from fighting, planning your next move, and titan forbid you show any weakness! everyone else falls apart.

fucking kikimora

cuando no tienes la chancla, un bate sirve

boscha is….ugh. i’m conflicted. i get it but also.she annoys me.

–

everything is under control when everything is not undercontrol my favorite trope

–

poor (????) collector. i know he’s not good but….idk, i feel for him

–

ITSHATCHINGITSHATCHINGHATCHIHATCHINGAAAAAAAAA

—

poor willowwwwww poor kids everyone needs therapy here

—

“luz has a staff, why does that make me nervous?” considering the first impression you got of it……

–

SNAKESHIFTER YESSSSSS ALSO SNAKE PALISMAN FOR LUZ WE WINNIN

i could write poems about how it fits her but just- look. it fits.

END CREDITS WHERE AWESOME!!!! Love the snapshots of the things that werent fully explained!! kikimora manipulating boscha during the attack, king being sad at losing eda and lilith and the collector…..emphathizing?? of a sort??? anyway yeah

1 note · View note

galacticlamps · 3 years

Text

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room.

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

#jamie mccrimmon #second doctor #big finish #Short Trips: Deleted Scenes #yes i am gonna tag this #two/jamie #i think it earned it with the line from celine's letter if nothing else #and quite possibly the doctor's so-called imprudent & pain-driven spying #but i'll leave it at that #in case anyone's looking at the tags to decide if they should actually read this rambling monster of a post #also if you for some reason read this but haven't listened to the audio -#a) that's kind of you to care what i have to say but #b) you could probably have listened to half of it by now lol #did i mention it's a stand-alone audio that only costs $3?#and it's more of a traditional audio book format with one narrator who voices all the characters?#sorry i wasn't ready to do a bf pitch in the tags here #i genuinely dont know why someone who hasn't already heard it would bother to read all this #but if anyone has - thanks?#i'll shut up now so you can get on w ur day :)

24 notes · View notes

luci-cunt · 4 years

Note

I got Izetta on the test and the more I read the more I want to fight you bc how dare you call me out like this. like call me feral one more time and I may just have to buy two books when it comes out - one for reading and one for throwing bc whyyy am i getting invested in these charcters. that doesn’t just happen willy nilly for me and now I’m mad

lkdsajf;ladskjf;lskdjf !!!!! <33333 if you’re like Izetta than I love you x100000000000000000 also lol when I do end up publishing this (I’m hoping some time in 2021) it’ll probably be thru Kindle epub which means unfortunately I can’t sell the books for $0 but I can do $0.99 XD. Idk if I’ll print them, just cuz that costs a bit, but fuck I’d love to XD.

Also I was gonna just dump a snippet here but I have no self control so here’s the first chapter. It’s Izetta’s POV because I love her.

“Lazy, slovenly girl,” Patrice muttered viciously as Izetta tore her room apart trying to find her best broach.

“Where is it!?” Izetta groaned, pulling out her dresser drawers and dumping the clothing on the floor as Patrice gritted her teeth and stood the table back up on its legs.

“Use the one I laid out for you, I don’t see what your insistence is with this copper monstrosity,” Patrice spat, repositioning candles and a bowl of fruit on the table.

“I’m going to see the queen Patrice!” Izetta said, moving on to her wardrobe.

“You’re going to be late to see the queen Izetta,” Patrice snapped.

Panic seized Izetta and she growled in frustration. “It’s going to go all wrong.”

“Stop your fretting, put these on and go,” Patrice said, shoving a pair of leather boots to Izetta’s chest. Izetta sighed, but slipped them on, when she straightened again Patrice smiled warmly. “You’ll do great, there’s no need to be nervous.” She held out her hand, with the broach on her wrinkled palm.

Izetta’s eyes widened and she grinned, taking it and throwing her arms around Patrice. “Oh thank you!” she said, before bolting away. “I’ll clean this up later!” she called behind her as she pinned the broach to her lapel.

“Sure,” Patrice said with a fond eyeroll.

Izetta sprinted through the palace, dodging servants who yelped and then laughed when they recognized her. The palace was massive, with long winding corridors made of polished marble and mother-of-pearl. It all gleamed in the sunlight that streamed through the beautiful stained-glass windows decorated with scenes of Kantoga’s history. Everything was high, elegant archways and delicate statues adorned every doorway. Izetta didn’t have much time to appreciate it, but she already knew every feature of the palace by heart--growing up in it does that to a person.

Her leather boots slid across the smooth hallways until she was skating more than running, and she had to jump over a few servants busy polishing every surface diligently. Finally she turned the last corner, arriving at the largest room in the palace--and the more elegant. The queen’s throne room.

The ceiling was so high you had to crane your neck to see the top of it, but it was adorned with a night sky filled with gleaming stars that looked like they were falling. There were huge windows made of perfectly clear glass and a throne carved out of an outrageously massive topaz.

Izetta’s breath caught as she spotted the queen, in all her regal glory, standing by one of the windows with her hands clasped behind her back. She was wearing a long, flowing white dress with diamonds and little accents of gold detailing it. She had a train trailing almost ten feet behind her that was perfectly spread. Her brown hair was in a graceful braid wrapped around the crown of her head and decorated with pearls, her olive skin looked like it was glowing, and as she turned around she beamed at Izetta, her deep brown eyes gaining stunning wrinkles around them.

Her etherealness made Izetta slightly self-conscious. She was wearing her nicest doublet--the light green one with slightly puffed sleeves and a high collar. Her nicest leather boots and white chemise tucked into a pair of black, fitted pants. Her blonde hair--cut short, above the ears--was freshly washed and Patrice had used some cream to make her usually dry pale skin “dewy.” Izetta didn’t know what that meant but Patrice had seemed pleased. She wasn’t nearly as extravagant or graceful as the queen, but she kept her chest out and shoulders back as the queen smiled at her.

“Ileta!” The image was a little shattered as the queen seemed to forget Izetta’s name, but Izetta recovered quickly.

“Izetta,” she corrected, with a low bow, “my queen.”

“Right! So sorry, scatterbrained could probably be my middle name,” the queen laughed.

“No! Not at all!” Izetta said quickly, “Easy mistake to make, they sound so similar.

“Ah thank you,” the queen said, walking over and patting Izetta’s cheek briefly. “So nice to see a humble soul.” Izetta beamed. Then the queen cleared her throat, turning away and folding her hands in front of her. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve called you here--er…” she hesitated.

“Izetta,” Izetta said happily.

“Right--Izetta. Well, I’m told you are out top agent,” the queen said.

“Assassin, my queen,” Izetta said.

The queen waved her hand dismissively, “Oh but that sounds so guttural. It matters not however, because I need you, to do something very important for me,” the queen paced for a moment.

“Anything my queen,” Izetta said without hesitating.

The queen waved her dismissive hand again, “yes, yes I know--tell me, what do you know of the Cyron siblings?” she asked, not bothering to look at Izetta, who’s brow furrowed.

“Everything my queen, they’re our only enemies children,” she said.

“Obviously, yes, but what else.”

Izetta thought for a moment, then recomposed herself. “Lazarus Ivory Cyron and Lazarus Monte Cyron are the children of Lazarus Cyron. He appointed them as co-supreme generals of his entire army, replacing Natalia Youngblood, and they are known for their domination in battle as well as aptitude for leadership. Lazarus Ivory is the elder sibling, more prone to handling Caelest’s water-based troops while Lazarus Monte operates on land. Between them they’ve won over fifty battles since becoming supreme generals and before that they both served in the Caelestian royal army as--”

“Yes, yes--but what do you know about their personal lives?” the queen interjected, still pacing.

“Uh--” Izetta hesitated, “not… a lot? They seem to be only close to one another and have a hard time trusting others.”

“Hm,” the queen said again, pausing and finally looking at Izetta again. “Listen to me very carefully Iletta--” the queen started, coming and placing her hands on the sides of Izetta’s face and looking intensely into her eyes.

“--Izetta,” Izetta corrected.

“Right--Izetta--listen to me,” the queen said, “I need you to find out everything you need to about the siblings so that you can kill them.”

“You… want me to assassinate Caelest’s co-supreme generals and heirs to the throne?” Izetta asked.

The queen’s face scrunched up, “ugh, yes but not that word, I already said it was crude.”

Izetta felt breathless, she couldn’t help the mile-wide grin that split her face. “Yes my queen,” she said, excitement fizzing in her blood and making her fingers go numb.

“You will do this, for me? For your kingdom?” the queen asked, still holding Izetta’s face and staring intensely.

Izetta nodded enthusiastically. “Yes my queen,” she said.

The queen’s hands dropped and she walked away. “Perfect, you start now, do not fail me,” she said in dismissal. Izetta bowed and hurried out of the throne room.

As soon as she knew she was out of earshot Izetta whooped loudly, causing a group of polishing servants to glare at her. She ignored them and spun down the corridors back to her room, feeling light and dreamy as she started to form a plan.

She was so lost in thought that she almost bowled right over Patrice, who was refolding the clothes Izetta had dumped out of her dresser in search of her broach. She kissed it and giggled--it was extremely simple, just a little copper circle with a wolf on the inside, but she’d had it her whole life--through everything.

“I take it the summons went well?” Patrice said, laughing a little at Izetta’s beaming face.

Izetta just smiled wider and swept the older woman up into a waltz that Patrice rolled her eyes at.

“Oh it went wonderfully Patrice, the queen herself gave me a new job--two actually,” Izetta said, and Patrice raised a brow. Her expression became a bit more pinched as she did, but Izetta didn’t notice. “You’ll never guess who,” Izetta said, eyes gleaming.

“It wouldn’t happen to be the Cyron siblings would it?” Patrice sighed.

“It’s the Cyron siblings Patrice!” Izetta said, whirling Patrice into a spin that she slipped out of, wiping her hands on her apron and pursing her lips.

“Oh,” she said quietly.

Izetta--still oblivious, threw herself down on her bed and stared at the ceiling with a dreamy expression. “Isn’t it wonderful Patrice? Her majesty finally recognizes my potential! She entrusted me with killing the heirs, the Cyron siblings.”

“Izetta--” Patrice started, wringing her hands out.

“I’ll start by contacting our spy, god knows I can’t stand Aether but he’s been on the inside for almost a decade, he’ll know everything I need and--”

“Izetta,” Patrice snapped, and Izetta stopped her planning to look at Patrice. She had a frustrated expression on her face, making her lip curl up a bit in a snarl. It wasn’t an unusual expression, in fact, it combined with Patrice’s greying hair tied in a tight braid and her wrinkled, round face was how Izetta always imagined Patrice--usually griping about something Izetta was doing wrong. Patrice had been friends with Izetta’s father, and when he died she took Izetta in. The younger girl didn’t exactly see her as a mother--Patrice insisted she didn’t--more of a very present grandmother, kind and loving but harsh and unyielding at the same time.

“Are you sure…” Patrice paused, pursing her lips and sighing, “are you sure this is a good thing?” she asked, meeting Izetta’s eyes.

Izetta frowned, “of course, this is what I’ve trained my whole life for! With the Cyron siblings out of the way Lazarus will be weakened and we can finally attack and relieve the Caelestian citizens of his cruel reign.”

“But--” Patrice started.

“I will do this Patrice, I will kill them or I will die trying, this was the entire point of my life--my meaning,” Izetta said, standing up and walking towards Patrice.

“I know child, that’s what I’m afraid of.”

Izetta felt stung. “You think I will fail?”

“I think if you do you will die, I think you will die making a stupid decision to please our useless queen,” Patrice snapped, and Izetta reeled back like she’d been struck.

“Patrice you can’t--”

“Do not tell me what to speak of child, she is manipulating you. If anyone can succeed it is you but she doesn’t know that Izetta. She is sending you in and she doesn’t care if you die.” Patrice took Izetta’s hand and cupped her cheek. “Please Izetta, please don’t die for her,” she pleaded.

Izetta blinked, stunned. After a moment she closed her mouth and pressed her forehead to Patrice’s. “I have to do this Patrice, I won’t die.” she whispered.

Patrice sucked in a breath that sounded heart-wrenchingly close to a sob and Izetta almost shattered, but then Patrice’s breathing evened again and she stepped back, completely composed and back straight. She wiped her hands on her apron and sniffed, looking at Izetta’s chin rather than her eyes.

“If anyone can do this, it’s you,” Patrice said, “I just wish it wasn’t,” she added, stepping forward to kiss Izetta on the forehead. She had to stand on her toes for it, and Izetta felt hollowed out.

Then Patrice sighed, gave Izetta a final once over, nodded, and left Izetta alone in her room.

#avoiding war #fuck it! Have the chapter!!#XDD #ok also for some reason it's glitching out and won't let me put half the answer above the lil read more buddy so #akdjf;alsdkj #XD

15 notes · View notes

ddcjas · 6 years

Note

☂

rp memes or w/e

☂— mention someone you’ve met who has influenced your writing in a positive way

uh i can’t really answer for group rp cause 1. i don’t remember and 2. i quit for a reason but um here goes some nice indie folks who grew me into the Ambassador i am today

@mccdmuzik— so its 2015 and i’m new to indie and i have like 4 muses and color and everything’s great except no one really wrote with me or responded to any of my muses with like...........niggas lmao. so this musty bitch here did. i also left for a period of time cause i was not fuckin with this whitey wonderland called a general tag AT ALL and this bitch brought me back when nobody else did!!!!!!!!!

and using these two ships in particular as an example bc they were the first developed ones we’ve been writing since 2015, our double trouble otp went from one liners and text threads? to fckin this. angel and xaire, the most awful thing i’ve ever been put through? started out as a text thread, ended up as this. so yeah, this ugly bum had me going from one sentence run ons to novels out here!!!

@quarrelsums / @undersunrise / idk whatever lil blog u on rn— UM HELLO LITERALLY MY #1 FANGIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! another lovely person to have been writing with me since the very beginning, this binch goes IN for me and my muses. i mean, she even pays attention to muses i don’t even have threads for with her, fam. she remembers every little detail and notices when your muses aren’t getting some love and she will literally come into ur IMs and demand for information so she can throw some shit together. deadass i don’t think she ever asked me to plot she just came in running my life so OBVIOUSLY SHE’S A CANCER but kjgnjekrngre she’s so amazing and honestly gave my lil annoying ass so much confidence so s/o to my honey pie.

@destructivs— honestly it’s fck her bc she’s mean to me 98% of the time, but if katya is your absolute favorite muse of mine then yall gotta thank this bitch right here cause kat would not be who she is today (the most powerful woman in the world if u may) if it weren’t for the plot we’ve been writing since like..........2016 lmao. this shit carried over to three (technically four if u count her single muse) different blogs of mine and it keeps developing with every thread and like i said, without the ship we have then i honestly would still have a flat two dimensional character who’s only cool cause her faceclaim is rihanna lmao. plus her writing is just amazing and she challenged me with novella length threads as well and i love it, so make sure yall writing w/ this bitch when she active.

@altadcna— have i ever said that i used to be like...........deathly afraid of kija lmao?? bc so much quality???? so many muses of color???????????? i just????????????????? back on them miillennials days i was sO SHOOK when she actually followed me and EVEN MORE SHOOK WHEN SHE ANSWERED A STARTER OF MINE LIKE UM HELLO WHAT THE FUCK? but kija is actually a really cute cutie and i’m lovv her so much, she’s the fuckin sweetest and now she has all these cool fuckin muses with the greatest faceclaims in history (DEADASS HAVE YALL SEEN KIJA’S MUSE PAGE? I C O N I C.) and i just want them all but we already have like 16 of the cutest ships in the world and two are whole families and omg the other day we literally planned a thanksgiving headcanon like november ain’t a whole month and some days away but she gives me them good FEELS and i honestly owe her moodboards bc i cannot express the love i have for our ships in coherent words. i literally spelled ships as chips before i corrected it just now so thats how u know.

and honestly everyone i’ve written with (lol almost) has been like............amazing people. the really great thing about writing in terms of rp is being able to put your method of writing against someone else’s and its actually really cool when you have those two creations that just....click, yknow? anyways whatever i love all of u guys if you ever wrote with me or still do ok

#Anonymous

5 notes · View notes

girlbetweenryosuke · 6 years

Text

“Rogue and Reigning” -- Chapter I

Chapter I: The Rogue Prince

Note: Hello! Ok so u might be thinking oh my god she’s making another story she aint gon finish bUT wait ok i swear im going to finish this. ALSO yes i didn’t put a watermark on the title thing bc it kind of ruins it?? I quite like it like really simple ya kno idk but anyway those aren’t my photos so ofc there’s no need for my watermark hAHAHAH

Teaser: (I don’t really have a good teaser so this is an excerpt from the second chapter)

“I’m someone who wants to step up, and you are someone who wants to step down. But quite surprisingly, we are both outcasts. I want the throne, and yet I am not given it. You want to be a commoner, and yet you are forced to wear a crown. I guess it’s natural that we envy each other... But maybe that’s why somehow, we complete each other. Opposites attract,

and I am well over attracted to you.”

“No.”

The word this young princess feared to hear the most. That’s especially when that was the answer to a request that she had built up an abundance of courage for. She was sitting on a cushioned seat, hands on her lap, ankles crossed and to the side as she sat up straight. She followed all the rules, she had all the manners, she was deemed as a perfect princess—and this was the only time she was willing to go against that title.

“Father, please.”, she begged as the king sat on his seat behind the desk. His arms on each armrest and legs apart as he huffed. “I cannot allow you to be the crowned queen.”, he said as Y/N looked down, tears welling up in her eyes. “But father,”, she looked up, scared to look him in the eyes. “I am the first-born child. I can be a good leader. I have been studying every single detail about our country’s history, politics, and economy since I have been a toddler. I am very much prepared!”, she continued.

The king leaned forward, sitting up from leaning on his chair as he looked her in her eyes. “Y/N, my dear, you have been studying our history, am I correct?”, he asked, and Y/N nodded, “Yes.”. “Then you must know that throughout our family’s 449-year reign, no woman has been appointed as a queen.”, he said the words that annoyed Y/N the most. “Goodness, even your mother wasn’t a queen. Women in this monarchy are only princesses. They cannot hold such power a king can have.”, he said.

Y/N huffed, looking away and shaking her head. “Well then, I suggest that there be a change.”, she looked him back in the eye as she regained confidence. This. This was the thing that drove Y/N to want to rule as queen. She wanted to prove that a woman can be leader-material. What a man can do, a woman can do too. Aside from that, she had planned for ages on what she wanted to change in her country of Seina.

Seina is an archipelago off the east coast of Japan. Since they were so near Japan, it was once part of it during the Heian period to around half of the Edo period. After they were separated from the country back in 1569, they were colonized by Europe and their first language of Japanese was mixed with English, creating their now first language, Seinese; their now second language, Japanese. The monarchy began with their first king, King Morita. He wrote in his will that his crown must be passed to a man, not a woman, and no one really understood why, but that is why kings must always have sons, no matter what. Y/N’s great-grandfather was the last child of 12 siblings, all of them being girls, which explains how grave they take his will.

And Y/N wants to know why.

She loved her country, that’s why she wanted to fix it. Poverty rates were rising, the economy was on the brink of collapsing, riots were forming here and there, and there was no escaping from the reality that her father’s reign was one of the worst. On top of that, the idea of misogynism was evident in the country taking from its beliefs that men and women aren’t equal beings. She went to charity works, she’d immersed with the crowd to study what wasn’t included in history books. She knew what had to be done, and she knew she had to do it now.

“There’s no need for a change when you have a little brother who is an heir to the throne.”, he replied. “Father, he is 6-years-old.”, she said with pity for her sibling who will soon be holding the burden of the crown. “In a year, once you’ve stepped down, Hiro will only be 7. He’s merely a child!”, she ranted. His forehead puckered, seemingly beginning to be annoyed at her words.

“Don’t paint be as a bad man when I am only following traditions.”, he urged. “Next year will be my 50th year of reign, and you know what that means, right?”, he asked as she gulped and nodded. “Every 50 years, we have to appoint the heir of the throne as king. In a year, I will teach him everything that Hiro needs to know.”, he said. “I will begin with manners, but apparently you need a brush up on your manners too.”, he said, setting Y/N aback as she silently scoffed to herself. “Do not be late for your flight to Japan, you must learn more about our history with them before you create these unrealistic ambitions for yourself. You are dismissed.”, he flicked his hand away, gesturing her to leave. She bit the inside of her cheek, standing up and bowing deeply, her right hand hesitantly on her left chest, “Excuse me.”. She left the room with fire in her chest, feeling anger in her veins.

She had more than one reason for wanting to be a queen. She loved her country, she loved to serve, she wanted to break the foolish traditions and on top of that—

“Y/N…”, her brother approached her, tugging on the sleeves of her dress. She turned around to see Hiro, teary-eyed, and pouting. She pouted, squatting down to hug her brother, petting the back of his head. “Did he say yes?”, he faltered. Y/N looked down as tears started to drip down her cheek, “No.”, she hesitantly answered as the little boy’s breath hitched. He then began to wail, face red, strings of saliva appeared when he opened his mouth and his face wet with tears. She rubbed his small back as she comforted him. “I don’t want to be the king. I don’t want to be the king.”, he cried.

On top of that, Y/N loved her little brother.

In her room, she let her body fall on her bed, feeling tired from putting a brave front to confront her father. “If it meant to rule a country, I wish I was a man.”, she said to herself, arms on her forehead as she stared at the ceiling. Then, there was a knock on the door. “Come in.”, she said as she heard the door open and close. “Princess Y/N, someone wishes to have an audience with you.”, her trusted maid, Kiera, said. “Who is that someone?”, Y/N asked as Kiera cleared her throat. “He wishes for me to not reveal his name.”, she repressed a smile.

Then, Y/N, sprang up, knowing exactly who “he” was. She slipped on a robe and ran out into the corridor, Kiera frantically trying to catch up to her. Y/N quickly ran downstairs and out into the front courtyard to find the most dashing man in her eyes, Riinen. Riinen is her best friend, a son of a cabinet member. His caramel-colored hair was always slicked back, he had gray-blue eyes and thick brows. He always looked neat, not a strand of hair out of place, not a wrinkle on his shirt, neither a spot on his shoes unpolished. She loved him—well to be fair, everyone did. He was a truly perfect man.

But the thing Y/N wishes she could see, was the true him. She’d never seen him cry, despite the many times he had seen her cry. She’d never seen him tired or sweat, he always looked like some Ken doll. She’d never seen him in his casual clothing, he’s always in a white long-sleeved polo, and black slacks and black polished shoes. She wanted to see more of him. She wanted to fall more in love with him, but he was acting like a prince that doesn’t break walls to let people in. She hated that—well to be fair, everyone did.

She jumped to him, wrapping her arms around him as she kissed his cheek as he carried her. “I missed you!”, she pulled away and he laughed, “Not as much as I missed you, Your Highness.”. She let go of him, letting her feet touch the ground again. She gestured for them to walk together to which he nodded. Her maid followed along, out of hearing-range so that they could privately talk. “So how was Canada?”, she asked, “It was extremely cold!”, he complained, a smile on his face as he rubbed his shoulders, pretending to shiver.

“Colder than Mt. Sundire?”, she asked, pertaining to the coldest mountain in Seina. “Colder than Mt. Sundire.”, he nodded, and she shivered. “Was it fun, though?”, she asked, looking up at him. “Oh, for sure it was. Mary and I had a great time sight-seeing and such.”, he smiled. She looked down at the thought that he was having fun with another girl. “Hey, don’t be so sad.”, he lightly turned her shoulders to turn to him. She looked into his dreamy eyes as she gulped. “Mary is just a girl, so don’t be so jealous.”, he smiled.

She blushed remembering that Riinen did in fact know that Y/N loves him. He’s already accepted it, and even teases her for it. Although he has never been clear with his feelings, he does show his affection to her, making Y/N both confused and happy at the same time. As she looked into his eyes, she noticed how cold looking they were, beautiful, but unwelcoming. They say a person’s eyes were the windows to one’s soul, and yet she couldn’t see anything in them. His eyes were empty. “Would you like to go out with me? Have a little drink?”, he asked her, and she pursed her lips and hesitantly shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I have to fly to Japan today, I have an official meeting with the Emperor’s grandchildren.”, she pouted.

That was a lie. No, the official meeting was not the lie, but the true reason behind Y/N visiting Japan is not for her to meet the Emperor’s grandchildren. The real reason as to why she was going there was to research more about why Seina was separated from Japan. She needed an explanation as to why there were so many misogynistic traditions in their culture. And, she desperately needed an answer as to why the first king, King Morita, did not want women to lead the country.

He smiled and tilted his head, then pouting, “I guess I’ll have to drink alone again, Your Highness.”. “Hey, don’t drunk text me again, alright?”, she smiled, lightly pushing his chest as he laughed. “Princess Y/N.”, Kiera bowed with her hand on her chest and called her. Y/N turned to her and nodded, “It is time to leave. Your luggage is all packed and placed in the vehicle and is waiting for your arrival.”, she said as Y/N pursed her lips and nodded. “Alright.”. “I guess I’ll be going now.”, she smiled and patted Riinen’s chest. “See you!”. “See you, Your Highness!”.

After Y/N changed into her proper clothes, she rode a limousine to the airport, and from there, she rode an airplane to Japan. It only took an hour until she was already stepping on the Japanese grounds. She was greeted by various politicians, performers, and had to pass and greet different people before she was able to be in her own private space in a car.

“Are you alright, Princess Y/N?”, Kiera asked, sitting in the front seat next to the driver. “I’m perfectly fine, thank you.”, she replied, sighing and looking out the window. She examined the environment, finding everything beautiful and amazing how color coded-like the city was. The streets were clean, and very seldom would you see a piece of trash on the ground. It was very much different from Seina where the streets of the rural areas would have trash and homeless people. She wishes to fix that—very soon.

They arrived at the palace, Y/N noticing 3 women of her age lined up with a little boy in the middle. The driver opened the door for her, and she stepped out as the four of them bowed to her, “Good afternoon, Princess Y/N.”, they said in unison. Y/N smiled and returned the bow, with her hand on her left chest, “Good afternoon, Princess Chihiro, Princess Misaki, Prince Mamoru, and Princess Airi.”. It was a mouthful to say all of their names, just imagine if there were more.

She was then led into the palace with smiles as they toured her around. She noticed how Chihiro held Mamoru’s hand, and how young he truly is. “Prince Mamoru is the heir to the throne, isn’t he?”, Y/N said, and they nodded, Mamoru showing a wide smile on his face. “I hear your baby brother is too?”, Misaki asked, and Y/N hesitantly nodded. “Tentatively.”, she added as they nodded. “Mamoru is still young and has a long way to go. He wouldn’t be the heir if someone shaped himself up.”, Airi added, and the three siblings hushed her as she lightly bowed. “Someone?”, Y/N asked. “No one. I’m sorry, let’s continue the tour.”.

Throughout the whole day, Y/N had meals with the grandchildren, did some entertaining activities, and during dinner, there was a performance by some local artists. She barely had enough time to sneak around, neither did she know where to go in the first place. She was thinking that maybe the library would have some texts, but she didn’t know where it was located.

It’s now nighttime, Y/N was lying down on her bed, wearing her long, white, satin nightgown as she twisted her hair around her finger, staring at the ceiling. She was waiting for everyone to fall quiet and asleep so that maybe she could look for the library then, but throughout Y/N’s stay in the palace, she’s been hearing whispers here and there. No, it wasn’t some ghostly whisper, rather they were gossips from the maids and stewards. She could hear them talk in the hallways from her room.

She sat up from her bed and walked over to the door to press her ear on it to hear what they were talking about. “He hasn’t been home in a week!”. “I hear he’s doing it again.”. “Oh goodness, when will he stop?”. “He’s such a disgrace.”. “He really lives up to his title as the rogue prince, huh.”.

Y/N began to become curious. Curious to know what they were talking about and curious to know who this rogue prince was. Then suddenly, chattering stopped, and frantic footsteps filled the hallways. Y/N slowly opened the door, peeking to see maids running around as if there was an emergency. Then, she let her whole-body slip through as each maid that passed by bowed to her.

Then, she spotted Kiera calmly walking by with a glass of milk for Y/N. “Kiera,”, she summoned a maid as she bowed to her. “Yes, Princess Y/N.”. “What is with all the maids panicking?”, she asked, as the maid looked down, “I’m deeply sorry, Princess Y/N, did they disturb you?”. “No, no. Not at all. I am just a little bit curious.”, she said. “Oh, well, I’m not quite sure as to why there is such a ruckus, but I have heard something about a rogue prince.”, she informed her.

Y/N’s eyes widened as she quickly ran back in to slip on a robe and run back out into the hallways. “Princess Y/N!!”, Kiera placed the glass of milk down on a table and frantically ran after her. “Who is he? Who is he? Who is he?”, it repeated in her mind as she made her way to the indoor balcony, overlooking the entrance of the palace. She leaned on the polished wooden railing and looked down at the doorway. As the maids quickly turned to walk away from the entrance, a man entered, shuffling sluggishly like he had either a few drinks, or he was tired. Or maybe both.

He was wearing a sweatshirt, his hands in his outerwear’s pocket. He was wearing sweatpants, sneakers, and his hair was dark brown and ruffled. Then at that split moment, he looked up, showing his face, as their eyes met. They were these beautiful dark brown orbs; his eyes were gorgeous. They were warm, they were welcoming, they were open—she saw through them. His nose was tall, his lips looked soft and pink, his skin looked flawless aside from the bags under his eyes and some dirt and dust on either of his cheeks. He looked… handsome.

Suddenly, all the different sounds surrounding them fell mute in their ears. They couldn’t hear a single footstep, not a single clock ticking, nor a door creaking; nothing. To them, it felt like all they could hear were each other’s heartbeats. Synchronized, fast, and thumping hard. One couldn’t explain what was happening, but they were certainly amazed. The corner of her lips started to curve into a light smile.

“So this… is the Rogue Prince?”

#yamada ryosuke #ryosuke yamada #Hey! Say! JUMP #hey say jump #Hey! say! 7 #hey say 7 #yamada ryo #yama-chan #yamada ryosuke fanfiction #ryosuke yamada fanfiction #fanfiction #Rogue and Reigning #Rogue and Reigning: Chapter I #Rogue and Reigning Chapter I #Rogue and Reigning Chapter 1

6 notes · View notes

idealisticrealism · 7 years

Text

Blindspot 2x13 recap

(Aka the one with Shepherd’s real name)

So much going on in this ep! Weller gets his Boss Pants on to stop some terrorist farmers, and then ends up kidnapped by the creepiest terrorist with the most boring name, our very own Shepherd AKA Ellen Briggs. Meanwhile Roman is barely present (sadly), Jane is adorable, Tasha is an awesome friend, Reade is a mess, and Patterson needs to be swaddled in blankets and protected at all costs.

A very delayed and slightly shorter review this week, but lbr I’m gonna have so many thoughts about the Rich ep that it’ll more than make up for it haha.

Lol I was wondering why I had no memory of this opening scene and then I remembered that my crappy livestream was having issues the other day and I didn't see anything before when Shepherd says goodbye to Kurt on the couch. Oh man I can't believe how much I missed? I'm LOVING this young rebel Kurt (we knew he snuck out to see Sarah, but dude he literally punched a guard for it?? And ughhh he's all angsty and has those intense blue eyes and okay legit who is this actor because I am getting young Wentworth Miller vibes from him and it is WORKING FOR ME. Aaaand then Shepherd shows up and ruins my buzz, bc of course she does. Also she is either a really old-looking 30yr old here or a very young looking 50yr old in present day haha. "To really protect people, you need power. This place is the first step in getting it" yeaaaahhhh mm-hmmm this place is totally a Sandstorm recruitment spot. I just know it. And aaaahhhhh that whole scene was a memory that he was recounting to Jane as they approached the school, I’m so happy about it. Also lol remember earlier in the season when like half a scene could go by before you even realised Jane was in the room? That's now happening to Nas instead (literally it seemed like Weller and Jane were alone given how focused they were on each other). Also damn, Archie is so tiny! What a lil munchkin. Also I love how much more positively he responds to things that Jane says vs things that Nas says? I appreciate that subtle difference there writers, thank you

Sigh Reade what is with this endless string of bad decisions? You clearly do not want this woman in your apartment right now, and you weren't planning on getting her number either. Dude. And you missed your daily morning workout with Zapata! Which I, for one, am delighted to learn is a thing that they do. And then awww Patterson calling them 'the three amigos'. She is too cute. I need this team to be together forever okay?? Like for their whole careers and then when they retire they can all go on cruises together and hang out and stuff. But anyway then she shows them the tattoo they'll be following-- some fake Genesis quote (the bible passage, not the band) that some farmer posted about, and when they ask how she found out about it, she hedges and says she doesn't want to bore them with the details. And Reade totally speaks my mind when he asks, "Since when???" haha. And then she says it's ‘too much math’?? Nope, uh-uh, something is wrong here. Patterson never misses an opportunity to get her math on. Is she deliberately being evasive or is she having difficulties with mental calculations etc? Seriously c’mon Tasha and Reade, don't just let that slide. But they head off, both saying 'let's move' at the same time because they're two lame-o’s that are just super lame and I love them

Lol the secretary lady gushing over Weller. And then Jane corrects her that he's the Assistant Director rather than an agent and hmmm who’s gushing now?? Aaaaahhhh Wifey is so proud of her man. Like just genuinely proud and amazed by him and ugh save me. And then hahaa "you both work for the FBI too?"-- *ex-terrorist/unpaid FBI asset and shady NSA agent look at each other*-- "Sure" haha. But wait a sec, is this the same boss guy? He kept that job for twenty years? Nice. And then omg 'Ellen Briggs'. I'm sorry, I think you just named a florist who lives in the suburbs with her husband and four kids and who crochets in her spare time, not a psychotic terrorist leader. I just... Ellen. It’s so... harmless-sounding?? And then the boss guy talks about how this army lady that occasionally came to give talks convinced him to keep one random student and then even paid that student's fees? Like how did that not see weird to him??? And then the moment the three of them leave the friendly reception lady calls Sandstorm??? Geez. It’s like I’ve always said, never trust people who smile too much. All those gleaming teeth gotta be hiding something. Also lol I feel like Nas (and even Jane) didn't really need to be there for that but I appreciate that Weller brought Jane with him at least. lbr Nas probably invited herself along bc being the unwanted third party is kinda her specialty

So now the team has a name to go on, but still don't seem to be having much luck. Damn military firewalls. But wait she was a Major General, and the Deputy Director (seems like the deputies are the important ones in this show) of the Defense Threat Reduction Agency? Is that a thing? I'mma google it. Huh it actually is a thing; the DTRA is "the official Combat Support Agency for countering weapons of mass destruction." So basically she was once part of the jedi order but then turned to the dark side. Well, I guess fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and we all know where hate leads... on a completely unrelated note, though, I am going to have "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" stuck in my head for approximately the next 600 years. Thanks, show. But anyhow totally unsurpirsingly most of the info about Shepherd is redacted or missing so they still don't really know much more than they did before. But they do figure out that she's paying for the care of an old colleague/friend of hers so at least that gives them a place to start looking. And lol for the second time this morning someone has said let's go' and everyone immediately leaves.... except Patterson, who just chills and enjoys the cushy desk chair and climate control in her lab haha.

Lol Zapata trying to suggest that Reade sees a psychologist. That's actually a really good idea, Reade. Though I will admit your last experience with a psych wasn't a great one...

Weller you recognised that game SO FAST. How old were you even in ‘88? Six? Though apparently this game was a super big deal, like it was a miracle win for them somehow? Idk enough about baseball history but could this game and the Dodgers be an allusion to something that happened with Shepherd/Sandstorm in 88? And then when Jane introduces herself as Remi (which must be weird for her) he says she's not on the Dodgers. Does it actually mean something?? And then after Nas is all "give up he's got dementia" Jane is the one that comes up with an idea, suggesting that Weller talk to him about baseball to maybe get through to him. She also totally unnecessarily touches his arm as she suggests it which I am appreciative of. I am so Jeller-starved that I’ll take whatever I can get lol. And then ughh the way she watches him as he talks to the old man. Nas sees it, she knows what's up... and ugh Jane looks so sad for him when the guy just says the line about Kurt playing for the mets (and that he was supposed to be a national but 'they would never allow that".) She wanted so badly for Weller to get some answers bc she knows how awful it is to not know something so huge about your life and ughhhhh my babies

So the team has reunited and Jeller are up to speed about the farmer with the plans for a big kaboom. And then suddenly they find him with facial recognition... in their own building. And loolll I love that the whole team immediately starts running-- except for Patterson, who is like "Running? Nah thanks. You guys got this" haha. Also seriously like did the team take the stairs? Or did they just sprint into the elevator and then all stand there awkwardly shuffling their feet while the elevator took them to the correct floor? Because this is a detail that is very important to me and I must know it. And then they catch the guy who is *gasp* an informant, but my main interest is that the team managed to gain two random agents on the way?? Like how did they get them? Were they in the elevator and just ran out with the crowd?? "Hey guys what's going on oh okay we’re running now??". And then wtf this dude is working for them??? Oh wait, no, he's working for Mr DoucheyFace, who is literally having him entrap private citizens, which both Weller and myself are pretty sure is a no-no. And which Weller yells at him about (mysteriously suddenly sans jacket) and takes over because he is the MAN IN CHARGE. And I dig it.

So anyway aaaahhhh Jane/Roman is everything and ugh Roman is having confusing ~feels~ about Shepherd and I don’t like it. And come on lbr they would totally give the files on Shepherd to Roman. They need to know what he remembers and that would be one of the best ways to do it. But ugh of course Jane is scared that he's gonna remember the Zipping and ugh my babies

Speaking of babies, ugh Patterson is still not looking good (health-wise, not appearance-wise, because she always looks gorgeous). The now-jacketed Weller is picking up on it too, and ugh he's concerned about her and also knows she's keeping something from him. And then bam she drops the bomb that she used the info from Omaha and omg Weller's face is like sTOP BREAKING THE RULES EVERYBODY and then omg he strides angrily back to where Doucheyface is and the guy calls him 'sir' which pleases me bc he da boss and also bc the team doesn't have to call him sir bc they’re his squad hehe. And then Weller is really doing his taking charge thing (update: the jacket is gone again lol) and oooooh he's let the douche convince him to send the informant guy out into the field against his better judgement and oooohhhh he's gonna regret thiiiiisssss. Aaaaaand yep he does, bc psycho farmer lady sees right through the informant’s shit (never try to fool a pissed off woman) and dude they couldn’t have given him a vest?? I have a hard time believing Weller allowed him out there without a vest. And oooh now we’re having a bike chase kinda reminiscent of 2x01 while RUDE FARMER PEOPLE ARE SHOOTING AT MY BABIES. But natch our super squad take care of them, though meanwhile doucheyface ruins Weller’s mojo and the crazy lady gets away. Bummer.

So Nas clearly has no problem giving Roman all Shepherd’s files, contrary to what Jane was saying. And I love this spinning camera effect that captures Roman's confusing feelings as he looks at the photos and ugh he wants to know if Briggs is his last name too (thank god it’s not) and why she didn't legally adopt them and then ughhh he has 'warm' feelings towards the pictures of Shepherd and maybe THIS is what Jane was afraid of? Him forming an attachment to Shepherd?? But in any case ugh I just wanna hug my baby boy

Mmmm more Shouty Boss Weller. I love when he shouts at people I don't like. And I love that he has the power to fire this guy. But man things don't look great, the team can't find the lady anywhere..... and then their system reports a robbery which proves that Crazy farmer lady has a whole ton of explosive stuff (not a literal tonne. But a lot. idk) to blow something sky high. And so naturally Jeller, the A team and the perfect combination of Strong Trustworthy Justice Man and Caring Compassionate Understanding Lady, are the ones to go talk to the farmer guy they captured to try and learn what the target is. I mean who wouldn't want to spill their guts to these two. I'd say anything just in the hope that they’d think well of me. And clearly Farmer Joe feels the same, because he tells them where the target is, and they all race there-- Weller naturally again choosing Jane to stick with him. #Lifepartners. But then Patterson radios in--- a Big Truck is racing towards the building and is almost certainly carrying the explosives. So what does Weller do? Why, stand in the middle of the road, of course! Because you know he just hasn't been almost-killed in an explosion for like a couple of days and the poor dude's going through withrdawals. But of course he’s such a badass that even a speeding truck ain't gonna dare mess with him, so it ends up crashing instead (okay, the bullets he expertly put into its tyres might have had something to do with that) but tbh rn all I can think about is Jane watching this situation??? Like she must be so scared for Weller standing there unprotected (no one can convince me she wasn't going to try and tackle him out of the way if the truck had gotten any closer) but she would also trust in his judgement and his abilities and let's not lie here, she totally found that whole moment as hot as we did. But anyway fantasies aside, crazy lady jumps out of the truck with a detonator in hand and is immediately surrounded by the team. And then ugh everything that both Jane and Weller say to her reflects so much of the FBI vs Sandstorm/ good vs bad theme of this season and ughhh he walks right up to her and takes the detonator from her hand and dude you're not making it easy for me to focus on the Serious Life-Threatening Business rn bc I'm already back to thinking about how much Jane probably wants to shove you against a wall rn and gawd this is just a lot for me to handle rn

Oh but here's a proverbial bucket of cold water, in the form of Nas, coming into Weller's office and instantly killing the mood. Geez, lady, you're like that visitor that overstays their welcome and misses all the cues to leave. She’s also again playing the unwanted stand-in for Jane in this scene (legit this would have been a great scene between Jeller but instead is completely uninteresting and feels insincere, despite it being meant to be deep). Also she mentions something about Sandstorm and personal stuff causing him to lose sight of the ‘bigger picture’ and I am so sure that this is foreshadowing for when she's revealed to be some kind of sneaky traitor who was using them this whole time for her own shady gains. It's coming, I know it.

Ah, thankfully here's a much better duo. Weller is making Patterson stop using Omaha because using it is crossing the line into Bad Guy Zone and compromising themselves. And she gives in, but has a last bomb to drop-- Mayfair had spoken to the old guy in the nursing home back when he was in charge of the DC office, suggesting Weller be promoted/transferred to DC the year before. But Shepherd blocked it, ensuring that Weller was still with the NYO when Jane was found. Ooooooohhhh Weller, how deep in this web are you tangled? And why?? Dramaaaaa. Also as a sidenote, Patterson's voice has sounded off throughout this entire episode and I am so interested to know if Ashley just like has a cold atm or if she's deliberately altering her pitch as a subtle sign that ~something is amiss~. I mean she's a voice actor so this is literally her jam...

Naw and another pair that I enjoy so much more than any that includes Nas! Tasha gives Reade some gentle ribbing about their gym date, but in true Zapata fashion, is genuinely caring beneath the jokey exterior. And she tries to support him with his possible 'new relationship' and tells him not to get in his own way. Which we all know he's not going to listen to bc he's Reade and he's a freakin disaster

Weller in the nursing home is actually super cute. And then he's trying to get info from the old guy about why Shepherd (I can’t call her Ellen, it's too weird) wanted him to stay in NYC. And the guy says "You're the face of the franchise, her star player", but okay WHY. Why is he their Chosen One???? And what the hell is the Truman Protocol?? Is it a nod to the movie The Truman Show, where the guy has been watched his whole life, playing a role his whole life, without even knowing?? And then shit, they go to his room to talk privately (bad idea) and BAM a wild Shepherd appears?? Plus a dude who must be wearing super bulky coat to have been able to sneak that GIANT GUN into a nursing home???

Aaaaaahhhh Jane shows up at Roman's cell and is taking about what they'll have for dinner and it sounds like they do this all the time which is THE CUTEST THING. But then Roman's too focused on Shepherd and her light terrorism so it kinda puts a dampener on things. Just like when he questions her about whether she's being used by the FBI, and ughhhh I love that she is so sure when she says she helps them because she wants to (because they're her faaaamily ughh). But ugh I hope his anti-FBI-ness and insistence that they control her doesn't make her waver in her belief of her place in the team.... though lbr she already made her choice about where her loyalties lie and I can't see her ever turning away from the team. Not from them, and definitely not from Weller. Maybe not even if Roman's life depended on it, though I really hope we never have to find out for sure.

Sigh okay I have to say I just really don't like Nikki. They've given us nothing likable about her, and instead have her not only insult Reade's good qualities but also encourage his bad ones. He was already starting to spiral and she's just puling him down faster and ughhhh it’s frustatinggggg

And okay I have such conflicting feelings about Oliver. On one hand he's a bit of a cutie pie and he's genuinely sweet to Jane (ngl I 'aawwwed' a lil bit at the handholding scene), but on the other hand I know that he would just never be able to be able to accept Jane's true self and her past in the way that Weller does, so it's clear they have no real future. Plus, given my ridiculous prejudice against my own accent (and the cousin-accent of New Zealanders) every time he speaks it legit drives me insaaaane. I just need him to not talk, ever. Sigh but anyhow definite points to him for making Jane smile. Shame that his comeback basically means he's probably gonna die or at least meet with some unpleasant circumstances in the near future....

Naw Zapata showing up in Patterson's lab to make sure she's okay and that she's eating and ughhhhhh Tasha Zapata is SUCH A GOOD FRIEND. And ugh I love her so much for trying, even though it's only making Patterson flip out more. And seriously the voice thing is getting even more obvious and actually I just noticed Patterson also looks like she's wearing less eye makeup than usual and I feel like this is about to--- aaaaaaand she's on the floor. Noooooo. Sigh my baby, I hate seeing bad things happening to youuuu

And nooo my other baby. I'm sorry Weller honey I actually kinda forgot that Shepherd had you lol. And uuhhhh wtf is this 'powerful medicine' she used to get the old demented guy lucid? Bc lbr lady if you have something that can reverse Alzheimers, then seriously give up on the Sandstorm crusade and just patent that shit, you'll be a billionaire in no time! But anyhows Shepherd is being her usual super creepy self and is gushing over Weller, who is apparently 'saving the country' with her. Somehow. And so we know that she and Remi came up with the tattoo plan together, but she was the one that involved Weller in it. And she seems to fully expect that he'll help 'when the time comes' which definitely indicates that she knows something that we don’t. And wooooowwww she's kneeling in front of him legit stroking his thighs and GAWD WOMAN YOU CREEP ME OUT. Why must she be SO STROKEY all the time??? And then she cuddles with the old dude (who she apparently cared about) while she stabs him in the chest, before telling Weller that he'll have no choice but to join her, and that in another life, they could have been family. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Does she mean literally, like she was somehow connected to someone in his family-- ie, had been with his dad or something? Or is she being more poetic?? I literally cannot get a read on her, mostly bc she's all over the freakin place!!! She's a mess. But ugh anyhow Weller's gonna cut himself free soon and ugh I just wanna know who he calls first bc I obviously want for him to call Jane bc she's his ~person~ and ugh I need her to race to where he is and be so relieved when he's okay and ugh I just need some more Jeller huggin' alright???

Anyway sorry for the short(er) review-- tbh I really enjoyed this ep as I was watching it live, but I realised later that a big part of the enjoyment was the anticipation for another great Jeller moment... which never happened. I mean I get why, bc the ep had to reintroduce Oliver and also have Weller abducted, so there was hardly a chance to end this ep with another awesome Jeller moment like we got last time. But STILL. We all know I rate ep quality by the quality of the Jeller it contains, so to me this ended up just being a ‘good’ ep rather than an amazing one. But hey, Rich makes any ep and instant fave, so bring on ep 14!!!

#Blindspot #Jeller #Blindspot recap #I was SO close to not getting this one done lol #hope it's mildly interesting #but god I am so excited for the new ep give it to me now

23 notes · View notes

dramacravings · 7 years

Text

saimdaaaaaaaaaaaaang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this writer fucking respects and centers women. young saimdang’s love of art, poetry, education, and travel drives her story forward even as she receives an equally compelling romantic storyline with a well-matched, caring partner who likes, respects, and supports her. modern seo ji yoon’s storyline is driven by her love of research, education, and an appreciation for art and history, and she receives undivided attention for those qualities even as a woman who is a mother and a wife. even the existence of her family and her role within her family–as a wife, mother, and daughter-in-law–was all initially part of a deal with her husband that would allow her to follow her passions and study as an adult (which puts a whole other spin on the politics of gender, labor, wealth, and marriage to add to questions asked in dramas like we married as a job and secret love affair).

[this got away from me and it’s a poorly articulated mess. now you know.]

in addition to these great lead female characters, the two women are surrounded by men and women alike who all play a role in driving the story forward, no matter their station or position in society–(an audience member posing a question to a professor’s assistant at a conference, a poor young woman learning to read, etc.). even the smallest details from episode four’s sageuk setting warmed my uptight, neurotic little heart. small things like household leaders listening in on and getting information from female servants, another young female servant (choi hwieum dang) is explicitly given a certain complexity, specific interests, and desires outside of her station and outside of her interest in saimdang’s boyfriend (i’m not even calling him a mc at this point bc…he’s not really a lead yet (i love this)). she teaches herself to read and write in the dirt, and has an appreciation for art herself. not only is there a consciousness of class in the similarities and differences between saimdang and hwieum dang–what interests they’re able to cultivate, what lives and loves they’re able to live, despite both being talented and driven–but the script actively engages you in hwieum dang’s pov, her desires, pain, and motivations. the writer (PARK EUN RYUNG) absolutely does not demonize or make her seems small or petty in her actions, even centering her narrative and pain in a moment with the male lead in which he seems distant and selfish, and what would be a moment to write off the second female love interest as clingy or selfish in another inferior drama. idk, what i’m trying to say is, in another drama you would have to read between the lines to appreciate her or not be a little annoyed by her (exaggerated) actions but this drama takes her so seriously, there’s no need to read between the lines bc the writer actually sees her as a whole person and not a(n explicitly female) lazy plot device to add drama to the story. even her feelings for saimdang’s boyfriend are complex and you have to (have to!) wonder where her own motivations and desires for him lie. he’s handsome, kind to the poor such as herself, engages her mind, but she isn’t getting that kind of attention from anyone else, and in the moment when she most needs his help he dismisses her. they’re from different worlds. it’s unfair, and she wants revenge for the unfairness of her life, for what little his or siamdang’s kindness can even be worth in her situation. i can’t wait to see where life takes her. can. not. wait.

shortly after this incident between hwieum dang and sd’s boyfriend, saimdang’s parents are trying to protect her life (not her honor) and there were just a few details that seemed strange to me bc we don’t usually get this level of awareness in drama characters, especially female characters and /especially/ female characters who aren’t leads. saimdang’s mother is afforded basic reasoning skills and notices an intruder’s messy footprints in their home even as her husband tries not to alert her to him, rather than being ~completely oblivious~ to what was going on and probably messing everything up bc of her ignorance, which is something we see a lot in other dramas and WOMEN are often the ones who get scapegoated for this lazy writing. and THEN (this made the whole thing even better), saimdang overhears her parents’ conversation in front of the intruder, meaning she isn’t kept in the dark re what what’s going on (with /her/ life), what direction the story is going in. the story isn’t moving ahead without her understanding of the larger motivations–essentially, why she won’t be able to marry her boyfriend. not only does the drama respect its women but it respects the audience and doesn’t write in stupid shit, like driving plot lines forward with character ignorance or misunderstandings. idk, i feel really weird focusing on like, her mother making a correct inference about a situation, but this really does feel very generous (and so, so thoughtful) for a supporting, older female character. maybe it’s just me but these details really get to me, i don’t think i’m making up how scarce the existence of something as small as this is in other dramas.

go hye jung, seo ji yoon’s independent, caring, smart scientist friend and colleague, also a servant (lady-in-waiting type) of saimdang’s in the past, even presents interesting parallels and highlights how women’s roles have shifted from joseon to korean society (a significant period of time yes, but not in the same forward moving progressive ideology we’re often faced with). these women play similar roles in the past and present, though we haven’t seen contemporary or older sageuk choi hwieun dang yet. a lot has changed, and yet certain details retain similar threads. we see both saimdang and ji yoon marrying as part of a deliberate negotiation they made in order to get what they want in life beyond love or financial security, specifically. young saimdang’s naive love and potential marriage match is on the surface very sweet and based on mutual attraction, while at the same time saimdang’s ability to fulfill her dreams hinges on her boyfriend whatshisname’s decision to follow through on the promises he’s made. saimdang really can’t travel without him as her escort, which soon becomes apparent when saimdang is nearly killed traveling to the buddhist temple in the mountains. ofc this trip was one she took herself and the situation that resulted was in part driven by hwieum dang, who did not deliver saimdang’s message asking her boyfriend to escort her to the mountain. he doesn’t show up and saimdang and hwieum dang go to the mountain together where they’re both injured. later, the whole household gathers to protect and heal saimdang while hwieum dang, who saved saimdang’s life, is only chastised for being absent all day and told to get back to work, her wounds ignored. this sequence of scenes to and from the mountain is focused on hwieum dang

in the present, ji yoon’s ability to follow her passion can still be given or taken away by the men in her life–namely her husband and the professor, but also in a way her son, whose presence greatly influences where her energy is spent and how she negotiates her home life and her career. here we see how her mother-in-law plays a role in this, thinking the best of her son and acting in a way that her daughter-in-law did not want to tell her about a trip abroad for work where she wouldn’t be able to take care of her son, yet she still admires and treats her daughter-in-law well. meanwhile, go hye jung, her colleague and friend has a very different experience as a modern woman than she had as a servant to saimdang. she is a scientist/lab tech/idk at a university (or some other lab?), she lives on her own in an apartment, helps saimdang solve mysteries re her research, and while we don’t (yet, hopefully,) see a lot of her life outside of saimdang (and she is sometimes stereotyped as a fat female character, more so as a servant in the past than in the future), we are able to contrast how ji yoon’s alliance with her husband and professor have have allowed her to do more than hye jung, in theory, but that those privileges come with strings that can close and open doors to ji yoon depending on how she behaves, how these men choose to react to her behavior based on their own often selfish needs and desires, which are all more complex than we initially get to see, but ji yoon is still the one paying the price and bearing much of the burden for the political and financial situations our characters find themselves in. and STILL ji yoon is the lead and it’s not all about how she suffers, still the story is about the mystery and the life of another woman, saimdang, that drives her forward and motivates her to get through the difficulties of her life. i’m bawling about it. it’s too good.

even the men are interesting and complex without these details concealing or excusing their flaws OR allowing their stories to take precedent over the women’s stories. saimdang’s boyfriend isn’t one dimensional or just handsome but neither are we required to disengage from saimdang in order to understand him or his motivations (bc he’s not the lead–i know he’s a lead but, i’ll believe it when i see it lol). he and saimdang share a love for art and poetry, yet we see more of his interest in saimdang bc saimdang’s interests and future are prioritized. when the king/prime minister(?) comes to see who gyeom is in love with (boyfriend’s name is gyeom! i remember now), his majesty meets saimdang on his own–we only know second-hand that gyeom has spoken to others about her. here, saimdang’s interaction with this man is prioritized, NOT gyeom’s account of saimdang to him.

a lot of this shit is just basic taking-all-of-your-characters-seriously and i’m annoyed that women can write woman-centric stories with equal gender ratios, prioritize women’s narratives, and STILL write men as three-dimensional human beings, but men can’t do the same. i should be used to it by now but the fact that it isn’t surprising doesn’t make it any less fucking annoying. whatever. but i mean…there are men writing politically rebellious poetry to each other and crying about it (i was moved lol) in this drama and you’d never see women doing this with the same level of care in another drama. you just don’t. whatever though! you all already know this. /i/ know this. i’ll shut up now, but i had to mention the rebellious poetry and the crying.

anyway. saimdang is an island of its own in dramaland right now. i’ve read some comments that the first two episodes weren’t really grabbing people but i had the opposite reaction. slice-of-life/drama is my favorite drama category, but it’s rare that we see a story with fantastical or political or mystery elements that really explores the lives of women like this and i couldn’t help but be drawn in by that. not /only/ that though, bc i think the story is smart and well-paced and engaging as well, and i love how the past/present parallels are being drawn, which is often pretty messy or not compelling in other dramas that try to do something similar. i’m considering checking out tomorrow with you but i just can’t imagine being as moved by lee je hoon’s time travel adventures with His Wife, who i’m anticipating will be more of a motivating factor for the male lead’s emotional development and his actions but i’ll be happy if i’m proven wrong. i do know that other writers and dramas appreciate women, it’s just been a long three-month drama dry spell, and a long year, and i needed this drama rn. i love saimdang / light’s diary / the herstory / memory of colors. kimyoungkwang seokangjoon gongyoo leedongwook flowerknights janghyuk yeonwoojin namgoongmin jisung rebelthiefguy and leejehoon can get the fuck IN LINE where they belong, as far as i’m concerned.

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #saimdang light's diary

25 notes · View notes

white-hacker-d · 7 years

Text

So, its 2:48 am and idk how or why im even still awake

Just thinking about random shit n stuff, but mostly about something that recently happened in the us and that i have only seen on the news today

So what is with americans and their history? Are they ashamed or something???? I legit??????do not?????????understand???????

What are you doing U.s.? Taking all these motherfucking statues down???????????

I swear to god, no tea no shade, just trying to understand here, i really can't even remotely understand why you would take down the statues of such important figures for your country?? I have seen people on tumblr calling abraham lincoln a racist or something??????

The fuck?

Alright so first of all, as an italian this really intrigues me bc...tf y'all doing? If a mayor/senator/whatevs here in italy were to take down a statue of...idk, Nero or Caesar or Caligula, they'd be lynched and whatnot, and they werent even exactly 'nice people' either

Do you people realize that, even if the historical figures of your country would be considered awful people in today's standards they are still, well, HISTORICAL FIGURES??? That contributed to the founding of your country? That made it great and well known all around the globe?

Do you guys realize that and choose to ignore it just for the sake of political correctness and labelling these people "racist bigots" or are there actual, and i mean *actual* reasons to take those statues down?

Like, i get it, they owned slaves, just like pretty much everyone did back in those days, right? Or they were in some illuminati/confederate shit idc...but they also did pretty amazing stuff, didnt they? Or else why would there be statues of them?

Someone actually thought "hey, this person here did some pretty cool shit right there, why dont we make a statue or smth so that everyone can remember it!" And no one, at the time, went on blm/sjw mode and was like " sTaTUe???!!?!?! A staTUE FOR THIS RACIST BIGOT PIG WHO OWNE D ACtuaL SLavES?? BaCK THEN WHEN EVERYONE DID AND IT WASNT EVEN CONSIDERED A BAD THING? NO SIR THAT IS A TERRIBLE FUCKING IDEA LET ME TELL YOU WE SHOULD NOT-"

Lets see it this way, ait, so...making a vERY far-fetched assumption, lets say, huh, now in 2017 it is still considered pretty normal for people to eat chicken, right? ,there are also people who do not eat chicken for various reasons, but they are a minority and there are more people who eat chicken than people who dont. The year is 2517, eating chicken now is strictly forbidden because chickens are able to talk, have people who support them and support each other to make sure that no one eats them anymore, because it is wrong and unjust and unacceptable, as a consequence, people who eat chicken now are excluded by society, considered scum and such, as it should be, but now, every famous person/historical figure who used to eat chicken back in 2017 is now demonized, insulted by the public, disliked, etc. Even if long dead amd even if they constributed to the countrys history. Those people were well aware that they ate chicken, even when vegetarians/vegans told them they were wrong, they kept eating chicken. They thought it was an ordinary thing and that it would have no consequences, that everyone did it and it was the norm, they could not imagine what would happen in the future. Nonetheless, people who used to eat chicken also created revolutionary inventions, made new scientific progresses, served their country, helped those in need(not the chickens tho) and so on and so on. Some people in 2517 go "we should make statues of these very important figures!" But others go "but no! They ate chicken! Therefore, whatever they did, no matter how important or relevant that might be, must not be acknowledged! I will never accept the statue of a man who ate chicken!"

But the intention wasnt to make a statue of this man because he ate chicken!

And now someone did exactly that. They went " no statue for the chicken eater!" and just flipped the whole situation over and took it down. From 0 to 100 real quick

Idk fuck maybe im just sleep deprived maybe im just not american, but i really want to get to the bottom of this, i hope to see some replies explaining this in detail, please, pleASE do enlighten me about this bc i legit??dont????get it??????

0 notes

cheerstocrazy · 5 years

Text

Dates with Hippie

9/7 Met him from Hinge. We actually swiped right on each other a couple of years ago from Bumble, but I don’t think he remembers, and I only remember bc I stalked him and was making fun of him with PP abt a white guy loving India. He was really eager in conversations with me and replied hella quickly. He even told me I was cute TWICE, when he had never met me in person. He invited me to the mariachi festival at DTSA. I was thinking mariachi?? Whatever, be a good sport. Parking was a nightmare. Walked around bc he wasn’t replying to my texts, watched the mariachi on my own. Started walking toward Wursthaus and saw him, and thought hey, he’s pretty cool, tall, looks abt the same as his photos or even better. Called him to tell him I was there and asked where he was. I don’t think he took it as srsly as he should have. He wasn’t really talking to me?? And was more invested in the performances and also his cousin came, so he was with us the whole time. It was so weird. We weren’t really talking abt anything except what music we both liked. He also seemed to know everyone in DTSA. He went to fix the sound when the girl’s PA wasn’t working. I was thinking wtf, you’re supposed to be on a date WITH ME, talking TO ME. Here you are leaving me alone and talking to other people. My parking meter was going to expire in 90 mins, and I was thinking abt booking it then. I was over watching the girl at the stage, so he said we should go to the mariachi stage to catch his friends. I wanted a drink and mentioned that too….saying I wanted a Michelada. It was 10 bucks, such a scam!! And I was like can we pleaseeeeee go get a drink, I’M DYING!!!! We went to Vacation bar and got a batshit host who talked too much. We got Mezcal drinks, and he was asking me abt my spirit animal, and I straight up said Joanne the scammer. Then he said no, a literal animal, so I said a sloth lol. Then after I heard their way better answers, I was like have you guys thought abt this in detail? I asked what animal is a savage. And they probed me abt how savage I was. I replied: I am the most savage person you have ever met. I’m withholding it rn bc you guys aren’t ready for who I really am. Randal said trust me, you can’t shock me, just be who you really are. That’s what I want to know abt people, who they really are and upfront so I’m not shocked later on. I was like you have no idea who I am. And I’m savage for a reason, you don’t know what my intentions are. You have to know if I’m actually a good person or not, and you need way more context to get what I’m saying. My savagery isn’t from malice, it’s for fun and bc I’m evil. They also insulted me correct gif pronunciation. He asked me abt Jorja Smith. I said I would reincarnate as her. We shit on the govt a little bit, and I said whatever you feel, I feel it 5x stronger. Idr the rest, we left to go back to the mariachi. He saw more of his friends, he was planning on hanging out with his group of friends then he lost them. We ended up going to The Gypsy Den, so his cousin could pee. I also finally checked my phone to realize my PARKING METER HAD EXPIRED FOR OVER AN HR. I WAS FREAKING OUT. I CAN’T AFFORD A TICKET!!!! I ran back to find out someone had put more money in my meter. YOU FREAKING ANGEL!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCHH!!!! The car behind me had been ticketed. I am so lucky. Bless up. There are good people in the universe. He asked me do you have rhythm? I was like with what? Dancing? Yes ofc, I’m not a gringo. I came back and we went to an art gallery. Randall asked me what my thoughts were. Me: I don’t like this art/paintings. It’s all dumb and I don’t get it. We went to this other gallery area and he asked me what my thoughts were on this seemingly Japanese and Native American painting. To which I replied, cultural appropriation. I said I would need more context from this artist to see if he/she really understand the history of these people and how their paintings were highlighting anything abt these cultures. We went into another exhibit, and Idk what lead us to this topic, but I said we need more diversity in art, that goes across literature, music, etc. And that there are a lot of good people in the world, but the bad ones are what you remember. I agreed, but my line of thought was more that the bad have so much power. It fucking sucks knowing I can’t do anything abt it. I said I come from a place of a lot of privilege and I want to lift everyone too. Why do the bad people want to suppress and oppress people?? After this, we wanted to go get drinks but his cousin wanted food, so he FINALLY LEFT, SO WE COULD TALK ALONE. We watched this older group of men perform some surfy music, which was not bad at all. I enjoyed it a lot. It was funny bc everyone stood in this whole ass perimeter away from the musicians. Idky they self-segregated, it made me laugh. If nothing else, this is what I’ll take away from Randall’s date with me. We were laughing at this one lady who was dancing in the middle and recording some of the band. I referenced Kris Jenner’s You’re doing amazing, sweetie, and he didn’t get it smh. By now, he had put his arm around me and was lightly touching me. It was a bit past 10 and his cousin and he were talking abt leaving. He said there was a mezcalero close to his apt, and that I could stop by…...if I wanted, so yeah…..He said it so awkwardly, both his cousin and I were like why’d you have to say it like that?? And he replied, bc that’s who I am...that’s me. Then they both stared at me for an answer, and I said stop staring at me, it’s making me uncomfortable. I said I’d come. Parking was horrible. I drank more than I ate yday. I texted him I was there, and he came outside. We walked to the mezcal bar, and the service was shat bc the bartenders were so busy so he asked if I had heard of the Blind Donkey, so we went there instead. Neither of us had been there before, but it was pretty poppin. We got our drinks and I stupidly walked us back out to the entrance thinking it was the upstairs lmao idiot. We sat on a random couch, but it was too loud, so we moved back behind the speakers. They were playing throwback indie bangers, and I was loving. They played Banquet by Bloc Party, and An Honest Mistake by the Bravery. I was like ugh so good, I was sitting dancing, then when Gorillaz DARE came on, I was like okay let’s go dance, and grabbed his hand. He wasn’t a horrible dancer, could use more rhythm, but he was legitimately dancing and having fun, which is what I appreciate! They kept playing really good shit, then he went to dance behind me and sometimes he would wrap his arms around me and hold me which felt nice. And I think his head rested perfectly over my head bc I’m that small. I turned around at one point and kissed him, and he’s not a bad kisser at all. I liked it/him a lot. 8/10. I expect nothing less than his caliber of kissing...Males should not kiss like wet fish or be sloppy. You guys are all old and have had multiple gfs!!! All I have to say for these 90 minutes was that I had a blast, and it was so much fun, and it’ll probably go down as one of my favorite nights of this year. I’m pretty sure we were the only ones dancing at most points of the night, and I DIDN’T EVEN CARE. I am wayyy too tired to process everything, but I had a ton of fun. I mean the latter half of the night will be part of that best night of the year too. Dancing with someone remotely familiar who knows the music is always a fun experience. I asked to leave to get some fresh air, and we hugged outside. He said let’s go take a walk. Not sure what we talked about, but it was nice to be on empty streets walking around. We held hands the entire time. The topic of drugs came up, and I was saying I understand why people take drugs to cope with life bc it’s so fucking hard sometimes, and it’s so overwhelming. It’s hard to deal with it on your own. It’s so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes. It feels like a hell hole. He said something along the lines of yeah, I’ve succumbed a few times. I’ve fallen into a depression and went to sleep not wanting to wake up bc there was nothing going for me. Then we got back to his apt area, and we sat on some random steps. Not really sure what we spoke abt here or what his game plan was. He put his arm around me and we chilled. And I kept looking to the left bc I didn’t want to make eye contact to the right O_O He lightly tapped me on my shoulder, so I turned around, then he immediately kissed me (which was so smooth). He’s a great kisser. I liked his rhythm and style. He does the triple lingering kiss at the end which is my favorite thing. He also caresses me full body which is nice too. I’m not that affectionate...so...I’ll work on that. He kissed me all throughout my neck, shoulders, ears. He’s pretty good. At one point, I put my legs over his leg, and it got more intense. He started caressing my legs and going up my thighs. I told myself I wouldn’t get WGW or have sex tonight. Generally, my hand goes immediately to a man’s crotch and I tried to remain as restrained as possible. Then he started going close to my underwear or over it, so I was like yo, 2 can play at this game. And I already knew he had been hard for probably hours, so I grabbed it from outside his pants..and he was wet already. I rubbed his balls, and I could hear him moaning in my ear. He kept putting his hand through my hair to kiss me more intensely, and all I could think was I’M BALD. DON’T DO THIS TO ME. YOU’RE LITERALLY TAKING HAIR OUT!!! My life is already so difficult ); I think earlier he had asked if I was going to drive home or wanted to stay over, and I said I can drive home. He said good bc he lived in a studio and space was limited. Then ¾ into the makeout session, that was TAKING FOREVER with SO MANY PEOPLE PASSING BY AND WATCHING AND SEEING MY CROTCH FLASHED, he whispered, do you really have to go home, can’t you just stay? I didn’t reply. Then this one guy with LLD who made a lot of noise passed by us, so I stopped and looked at him. He laughed….then later he asked can we go to your car and do this in a not so sketchy spot. We are not 17!!!! You are too big for my car anyway. This is fine--there is space here! At points, we would stop kissing and I hugged him tight and rested my head on his shoulder to enjoy the moment, intimacy, and silence. I almost wanted to say this is nice, thanks. Thank god, I didn’t. I also wanted to pull out my phone and soundtrack this scene to Heartbeats by Jose Gonazlez, but that’d be TOO CHEEZY. One time I rested my head on his shoulder and was closing my eyes bc I was so sleepy!!! He’s like are you sleeping??? Bitch I MIGHT BE. I always thought he would finish kissing me after we ended with our lingering kisses, then he’d come back for more. Finally, I said I’m gonna head out bc I’m so tired. He said he’d walk me. We held hands and he walked me back. I said I still have my gum in my mouth, it’s called talent. We kissed AGAIN at the car, then he squeezed me tight and let me go. Told me to drive home safe and light slapped my ass. I was so tired. I still am. How do I feel about all of this? It was a nice and fun night. Did it beat the effortlessness and ease of convo with Liorr? No...But I generally don’t kiss anyone I kind of like/who has potential on the first date. We made out for an entire fucking hour. Holy fuck, NO WATER, NUFFIN. That’s impressive m8. We hung out for about 9 hours. That’s A LONG ASS TIME. I didn’t necessarily feel an intense connection/chemistry, but that’s bc Idk him. There weren’t any red flags for me. Whenever I expressed my opinion, he would validate it and build upon it which is refreshing considering most guys would become defensive and be quick to strike my opinion down. You asked for it, you twats. If you asked me for a perfect date, it would be either be dancing + drinks at a festival/bar, and I got that. I had a fucking blast. Imagine if I actually had a FESTIVAL BAE. WAH ALL I WANT IS TO BE HELD!!!

9/13 Date #2

Initial reactions: I felt so safe, seen, understood. It’s so easy. I’m shook. You know how after Tyler and Hannah’s date, Hannah said “I’ve never felt so respected”--that’s how I feel on a smaller scale. I like this d00d bc he has no ego and actually listens to me and replies directly to what I say. We’re so in sync physically, it’s stupid. It’s so easy to talk to him, and the way he holds me--everything. Kill me, I love his kisses; I love the way he smells. He’s way more romantic than me and so affectionate. I am stone cold, and he makes me not want to be that and reciprocate to maybe ⅓ of his level. Who raised him? They did so well! And all his exes did so WELL IN TEACHING HIM HOW TO TREAT A GIRL AND HOW TO KISS.

I think I like him. That was probably one of my favorite dates ever, if not my favorite date. It was so easy, relaxed, chill, low-key. He said he was leaving for HB early, and wasn’t texting me afterward, so I was kind of hesitant if he actually left or not. I was thinking, “What if I get stood up? Whatever, I can drink at the beach by myself. NBD” He did reply and said he was parked which made me feel relieved. I got out of the car and saw that he was parked and walking toward me. I’ll never get over how tall he is. He surely is taller than 6 ft!!! We walked toward the beach, talked abt our day. I saw that there was a patrol looking car driving along the street we were walking. It was a trash truck, and it was emptying/putting new bags along the walkway. We walked away, and somehow it would always end up behind us. Whatever. We mostly talked about drugs and his experiences with it. I opened a beer too while we talking. He talked abt his preference for psychedelics. He said he did acid while in India with a girl he met up with whom he had hooked up on and off for 3 years back when he was younger. He said the conversation they had while on acid was the reason they were able to maintain a friendship afterwards, otherwise that would’ve been over. Hmmm, cryptic. We finally got to the benches/tables I wanted to sit at, and I said my boots were hurting (which they were). It was pretty wet, but I put down my blanket for us to sit on it. We talked a lot abt his experiences traveling in Sri Lanka/India. I wanted to know more abt Sri Lanka and how he traveled there. He also said India is his favorite country and he wants to return again next year. I asked him what’s the pull for India? Why? He explained to me he liked the duality and chaos, the mix of wealth and poverty, there’s always a lot going on, etc. I said it’s so strange for me to hear someone who loves it so much when my experience was so different and frustrating. I talked abt the instance where we almost got sexually assaulted. He replied: yeah, sorry about that. That’s horrible, I can’t imagine how it is to travel as a girl there. I really appreciated that response. How many guys in the world would be able to apologize, validate me, and empathize? Maybe 3 people. When we sat next to each other, he always rubbed/caressed my back, and they were really good massages tbh!!! When I was telling my India story, he didn’t really do that anymore, sensing the urgency and conflict to come in my story. And Idk when he did this, but we were talking and he ended up resting his head on my shoulder leaning back into me, and it was so cute, I nearly died. I hadn’t been touching him or doing anything. He seemed to feel really comfortable. We talked a lot abt his marketing agency bg, and we talked abt being laid off and what we did after that. I think we were in this weird intertwined position. He hugged me from behind, and he was sitting to my left, but his head was on my right shoulder, so I leaned opp way..and he replied so basically we did the same shit and ran away, diff times. I told him I had the same birthday as Donald Trump and I could relate to him when I was 12 bc I’ve since grown up. When I was 11, I told a kid who stood up on a chair, “be careful not to break the chair!” My teacher, Thompson smh and was like Natalie, you can’t say shit like that. Hippie said he was never in a position to be a bully bc he moved schools when he was in 4th grade from Mississippi to Louisiana. He said he was a hillbilly and spoke with a different accent. I asked him what kind of accent it was, and he kept saying oh man, Idek how to do it anymore. Saying I reckon etcetc, and I laughed bc I hear that only in shows/movies and from British people. He told me I smelled nice. I said, “You do too! I can’t pinpoint the smell tho.” Him: I did shower! He said it’s probably my conditioner. I smelled his hair, and it was def his conditioner. He said when he was working at his agency, he was considered the nerd there bc he played video games and was weird, then he said when he went to work at Blizzard in Irvine, he felt like a jock bc he has interests outside of video games. I can’t even imagine how dweeby everyone is there. He kept saying how tough this year is for him, but he feels like with the changing of the seasons, fall feels like it’s gonna be better (I BETTER BE A PART OF IT). I was starting to get worked up abt my job and complaining, so he said we don’t have to talk abt work anymore and kissed me. We kissed for a long ass time, and he told me, “I really like kissing you.” I replied “I like kissing you, too.” Then he said something like, “I could just sit here and kiss you all night, it’s ridiculous. I especially love your bottom lip. It’s so *insert adjective I can’t recall thick? Juicy? plump?* He kept playfully kissing only my bottom lip, and it was so cute UGH KILL ME. He kissed every inch of my body, legs to arms, head to toe. HE KNOWS HIS WAY AROUND ;_; He kept telling me I was so cute. He asked me if we could go back somewhere, but I said none of us live near here. Funny tidbit: He fingered me (and it was really smooth and FUCKING GOOD. I think our sex would be incredible) then he when he ended, he licked each finger, and he said, “Damn, you taste so fucking good. Weird compliment, but it’s true.” I laughed. I was wearing my high-waisted shorts, and he kept trying to unzip from the front, and I told him the zipper is on the side. He asked why the belt was in the front? “Aesthetics.” He was super hard, but I didn’t want to go thru the trouble of unbuckling his belt and unzipping. He said you know you can undo my pants. So I did...and he asked if I could do it with one hand. And in my head, I was like BRUH PLS LEAVE IT TO THE EXPERT. During this period was when the trash picking up man kept going back and forth behind us making so much noise. I was like srsly??? WE’RE DOING STUFF HELLO. And people were walking at night too. It’s 2am!!! Why wouldn’t you walk during the daytime??? We hugged each other during these moments and laughed. It was a full moon this night, so the beach was so gorgeous and illuminated. When we finished, he said “I should put my dick away.” It was def above average and kind of long??? At the end of everything, when I was folding up the wet blanket, he came from behind and hugged/held me, saying you’re so freaking cute. We stood there and idk what to do but it felt so nice, safe, warm. *cries* He kissed my neck and did the sideways kiss (which I always find super fucking awkward and unromantic), but it was totally sweet and natural with him. I really relished the quiet moments between us. Then we walked back and were talking abt the govt, economics, and corporations. He and I agree on everything so whatever I said, he’d say too. He walked me to my car and we said bye. He held me and kissed me for an extended amt of time. He kept doing the lingering kisses and I couldn’t bring myself to leave. He’s my favorite kisser for sure. I remember thinking “not to be dramatic, but his kisses could bring world peace.”

9/18 Date #3 in Orange

There were so many things that annoyed me before the date. So he said hey I have the apt to myself, come hang out. I thought I was going to Long Beach. I think I worked a 10 hr day, and was like fuck I have to haul ass up to LB now. GREAT. I texted him I was headed out, then he said he was going to an open mic night in Orange. And I was like well wtf, we made plans and you’re just telling me this now? He always tells me things so last minute. I HATE IT.

Initial thoughts: I don’t think we’re compatible with each other. I don’t think we’re at the same points in our live bc I’ve just come out of my crisis (it’s been a year), and he’s in the thick of his. I don’t think he has enough security in his life to take on another human. And that’s fine--I’m not even needy (ok kind of) but self-sufficient. Not only is he not ready to be in a relationship, but I don’t think we want the same things right now either or have enough common ground. He’s into playing live music and his music collective; he’s spiritual, into yoga and rock climbing. I’m not into that at all. He’s going to a festival for a while, and it’s all spiritual meditation/yoga, which is my fucking nightmare. He never asks anything abt me. It’s mostly me asking questions and getting to know him. Maybe he was having an off day yday. He literally said “I need a place to live 10/1...and ya that’s not going” I’m pretty level-headed abt this, but also I don’t want to be with someone (even if it’s casual) at their best or normal self. I don’t want to be a burden or carry the weight of their burdens. Is that selfish??? I’m realizing this may not be in and taking it in stride. It doesn’t have to be a permanent thing or even something that endures. It could be temporary idk. I’m tempering my feelings for sure. I don’t think I’m the girl for him. I think I’d be a stabilizing force for him and a good ear to bounce ideas off and someone to whom he could vent, but what’s in that for me? I’m learning to be more selfish, not just with my standards, but what I get out of these things. I didn’t have as much fun this time as the last 2, but the bar was so high from the last 2. We can’t always be our best selves, but I’m always my best self when I’m with someone new. Interesting tidbit: He told me the first time he cried was 2012 to Brokeback Mountain. The moment I knew I wasn’t it: He described his dream house/living situation..He said he only wanted to live with musicians and wanted a spare room with a studio to host jam sessions, playing sessions, which is not to say he wants that exclusively and can’t like other things. But I’m so faaaaaaar from that and any other of his passions. I think he’s so invested in music and has tunnel vision with that, that he only wants to be surrounded by other people who want that, too, whereas most normal musicians have non-music friends too. This is me maybe assuming, but I think I’m astute. At the end of the night, we hugged bye and it felt so weird, and I didn’t know what was gonna happen. Bc the entire time, it felt like I was pulling out teeth to keep the conversation going, and he was so aloof and withdrawn. I would cater the convo to topics he liked, and he would give me depressing answers that took me aback. Like when I asked if he snowboarded, he said no, that could hurt my legs. He was so trite. Talked abt his ACL surgery, everything bad that he had experienced….I heard abt it. It was draining for me to listen and keep up a positive attitude and maintain any semblance of levity. At the end, he hugged me, told me to have fun, and have a safe drive out to Vegas. He held me for a bit, so Idk we ended up kissing. It felt empty. He dropped his skateboard and hydro before he kissed me, kind of clunky, kind of funny. I left feeling discouraged and frustrated.

0 notes