#also feels like it can come out of the woodworks and I’m tired of people making tragedies across the world a part of their agenda and I’m

[transboysokka]

maybe ive been too fucked up by growing up in america during the fucked up hypernationalistic war on terror era but I think it’s FUCKING DISGUSTING to see mainstream people praising the murder of civilians while days ago they were condemning it

it’s also super creepy that so many americans have blind allegiance to a government they don’t live under or actually understand

THATS why I was bothered by people earlier this week posting Israeli flags on their social media

just like. stop killing people on any fucking side, cheering for death is barbaric

[quanticq]

Hey Q! Sorry for bothering you, but for some reason I can no longer find any of your tik tok accounts 😭 Did they get deleted or something?

Hi this is Q! I’m coming out of the woodwork to address this, since I did went radio silent out of the blue so it’s not a bother at all

The short answer is Yes, I deleted my tiktok

Yes delete not deactivate, I’m not coming back to That app or IG or Twt, I deleted my socials except here and YouTube, I honestly felt so overwhelmed with everything, I realized I’m not even posting for myself anymore there. A lots of people crossed my boundaries time and time again I felt so helpless, bitter with myself. I guess I was just overwhelmed with the attention I got; both positive and negatives ones.

Im done and I want to start over so that’s why I’m here and on YouTube, I already posted some of these on my community tab on YT but here’s what I have in mind for the future of the content I want to create: more detail under the cut, and also;

CW: very brief mention of spiraling, harm inflict oneself or others, paranoia, etc

•Long-form content: my attention span is a bit messed up from consuming and making short-form content to the point where I can’t focus in university. I want to create something meaningful. It’s not that my previous content was not meaningful, no. I had fun and no time is wasted when I have fun, it was warm… but as I mentioned earlier, I just felt this lingering bitterness the longer I stayed making those short-form content. It really felt like I was on the verge of losing it. Especially with how the bigger following I have the less people think of me as a person than just another content creator you see on the internet,

I want to create long-form content, I’m so tired of forcing myself to generate 15 second content. On tiktok it just feels like I’m just creating and not really connecting. I want to try something new, maybe create an open space for meaningful discussion in the comments. I don’t think I can stand another copy-paste tiktok comment anymore. You know what I meant if you’re frequent on that app.

•Art Content with Commentary: and don’t worry this won’t be those petty artist drama issue, but I will still cover anything serious

it could be love letters or video essays ranging from fan fictions, fandom culture, the art scene and so much more. I may even share a bit of my personal life, this will be self indulgent after all! I want to make it fun for myself and as well to those who comes across my channel. I really REALLY want to create a genuine following.

On tiktok it’s so easy to gain following but not so easy to retain them, it’s mostly because of the algorithm and the FYP feature there.

On Tiktok most content that would get featured as an artist there would be creative work has to be either; more than exceptional which is pressuring enough already to consistent posters, straight up suggestive content shown to minors (tiktok doesn’t really have a blocked keywords feature but it’s so disheartening to see these creators intentionally not using the sensitive warning since it could limit their reach significantly) oh yes we can’t forget the negativity surrounding beginner artists or “art lore”

All of this cesspool of negativity, it’s a whole can of worms but it will be one of my prominent topics that I wish to discuss in my future art commentaries. I hope you guys are looking forward to those! I might bring in a few people or so to talk about it with me

and finally;

•Streaming: I used to do a lot of streams during the weekends on the clock app and it was super fun! I want to bring that back but that would have to wait since I’m unfamiliar with some features on YouTube, and I’m aware that YT does not have a discoverable feature for stream but that’s alright, I want to start something small first.

In short; I’ll figure it out! just need some baby steps before I start streaming again.

.

I apologize for deleting everything out of the blue, if I’m gonna be honest it was partially planned because I’ve been thinking about deleting my tiktok, twitter and Instagram for a while now but how it happened? In my breakdown I realized that I don’t want anyone to see me spiral, especially now that I realized how young my audience are, I’m not sure how that happened but I guess posting fandom contents does attract the young ones somehow inevitably, even though my content is nowhere near as suggestive, but I do talk about serious topics from time to time… but I digress, its not fair for them to deal with me if they see me spiral publicly,

it is especially not fair to them to console me. When I was younger than 14, I’ve been in a position where I have to talk down someone who was older, maybe 4-5 years older than me, from harming themselves or anyone, it was traumatizing and unpleasant. I don’t wish for anyone to go through that, it’s very painful.

It’s been… hard for me to ground myself. Ive been seeing things through a kaleidoscope of emotions; I was trying to focus on everything but it’s just too overwhelming so eventually I cracked. But please don’t worry I’ve been doing better now, after some time away from my online persona, and of course spending time with my beloved girlfriend, I see things much more clearly now.

Thank you to anyone who read this and much so appreciate those who understand where I’m coming from

Also now that I think of it can my stuff be considered as lost media now? Amazing! But please don’t be sad the fun I had was genuine!

Thank you again to those who genuinely enjoyed my content on tiktok but it’s time for me to try my hand at something new, I will still be dwelling in my creative headspace just.. away from public for now,

if you’re looking forward for my future post, make sure to check out my YouTube! I still have a lot I need to cook hehe, this is one of the few!

More post soon, Bye bye! -Q

[drbased]

Everything I write about kink is within the context of having been in the community and done it myself. I don’t bring it up because doing so would massively dilute my words and take up unnecessary space; and the great thing about good theory is that is resonates regardless - explaining my background would only make me seem insecure in my words, which is ironic because my background actually makes me feel more confident in them. My lived experience means that I can go into specificity that others can’t - and I’ve also written about what women ‘get out of kink’ elsewhere. But of course, to this person I’m a hairy feminine tradwife lesbian scarecrow who never leaves the house I guess 🤷‍♀️

People like this don’t seek out feminist theory (not even one other post of mine) simply because they don’t respect the words of women; so when first exposed to feminist analysis their pea-brains, with highly-exercised misogyny neurons and nothing else, can’t even comprehend the possibility that I might just, yanno, know what I’m talking about. Nevertheless, a woman is communicating something powerful to them and their lingering sense of conscience, begging for death, starts to panic so they quickly blurt out the equivalent of ‘takes one to know one!’ like Homer Simpson when he’s not been listening but wants to sound smart.

I hate how feminism is so disrespected that these interchangeable clones can keep using the same words and never get tired because when one is done they can swap over like an eternal tag team posturing to a slobbering crowd as desperate for the verbal beat-down of a woman as a physical one. But unlike feminism, which is persisting across generations against all odds, their words are built off nothing but the latest fad - when I was in bdsm I was never encouraged to read any literature to back up the justifications of the encouraged behaviour that were sorely needed. Literally everything bdsm is built off of ‘trust me bro’ and porn. The more enlightened kink came from people who saw the evils in kink and thought they could divorce from misogyny, racism etc. and whilst their intentions were good they were never willing to admit that oppression and abuse are the blueprint for kink itself (many kinksters happily admit that what they do is ‘problematic, but done in safe, sane and consensual manner’)

When 50 Shades came out, the kink community rightfully panned it as abuse and therefore not true bdsm, and recommended ‘Secretary’ as a better film. I never did watch it until years later, and now I’m older and wiser I can say that ‘Secretary’ is a hilarious film to label as a ‘good depiction of bdsm’. For said film I have a looong review of in the works; I’m obsessed with the film in spite of myself and I wanted to analyse how it works in terms of propaganda, and how it says the exact same thing as the kind of things the person above vomits out in a much longer period of time than they could pay attention to.

It would be nice if my feminist writing didn’t exist in some sort of parody of a horror movie where I’m subjected to jump-scares of these zombies crawling out of the woodwork trying to eat my brains so they can feel less insecure in having never considered anything in their entire lives. But I have to take it as a compliment; in their reality, I’m the horror move villain, whose expertly communicated ideas are too terrifying to ignore, and what’s more there are many of me, and just like all deeply resonant ideas we can pop up at any time from anywhere. Suddenly and without warning being expected to think about ideas more complicated than where your next orgasm is coming from must make for a pretty scary existence. I don’t want to pity it, but very much like certain kinks I feel forced to.

[in-death-we-fall]

Drag & Bones

Wednesday 13 is a new man. Off the booze and into haunted houses, the horror-punk admits he was “going down a black hole”.

Words: Joel McIver

Metal Hammer 180 — July 2008 (drive link)

��I’m just waking up,” mumbles the voice of Joseph ‘Wednesday 13’ Poole, coming down the line from small-town America. “I have a hard time sleeping at night, so I go to bed around four or five in the morning – just to keep my rock’n’roll schedule going, ha ha!” This is the laugh of a man who is tired: tired of the road, tired of fighting personal demons, tired of pretty much everything.

Persuasive journalists that we are, we want to know if he’s been partying hard lately. Surely he can fit in some serious drinking before retiring at dawn?

“When I’m on tour I’m up till three or four in the morning anyway,” he drawls. “I try to keep it going at all times. It’s nothing to do with my image or anything like that, I’m just used to staying up all night and watching TV. I still get up at a reasonable hour – I try not to sleep past 1pm.

“I stopped drinking in September last year, after I was done recording this record,” Wednesday continues, to our surprise. “It’s not like I think I’m gonna be sober for the rest of my life, it was just something I needed to do. I’ve done several tours sober and it’s definitely a different kind of life. I was going down a black hole. Drinking was starting to consume most of my life and my decisions.”

Isn’t a diet of Jack and Jäger an essential component of the rock’n’roll lifestyle though?

“It’s the only job where it’s required and it’s cool to be drunk,” he agrees. “You’re patted on the back and cheered on. It got to a point where I thought that booze was what I needed to be me. I didn’t go on stage completely drunk, but I was definitely four or five drinks in, which would give me that extra edge I thought I needed to perform. I was forgetting why I was on tour. Actually, I’m really lucky that it was just drink: I didn’t do any drugs.”

Despite his yawns, Wednesday is a happy man.

“Now I can go onstage and play with a completely clear head,” he explains. “I’ve watched videos and you can see it – there’s a night-and-day difference between me going on stage drunk and sober.”

Wednesday is also highly chuffed about the two new Wednesday 13 releases (an EP, Bloodwork, and an album called Skeletons).

“Skeletons is a different record for me. If you’ve heard what I’ve done in the past, this album won’t be what you expect. With every record I make, I don’t try to create the same thing over and over, and I also don’t like to be painted into a corner where people think they have me all figured out. I hate to use the word ‘mature’, but this record is, compared to my last stuff. I’ve opened myself up to the public.”

Skeletons is about Joseph Poole the man, rather than Wednesday 13 the zombie.

“Instead of writing about horror movies, a lot of the songs on the new record have to do with what I was going through with my alcoholism. It’s still horror-oriented, but it’s more my real-life kind of horror than a Dracula movie this time. This is the darkest, scariest thing I’ve ever done, because it’s about me. When I listen to it, I feel all the emotions that went into it. It’s a strong record, too – it’s got some good, heavy songs on it.”

Don’t worry – Bloodwork and Skeletons aren’t Wednesday’s St Anger. He’s still referencing the camp horror icons that have made him so popular with your 16-year-old goth niece, and is even embarking on a tour of Britain’s most famous haunted houses next time he comes over here. Ask him about this series of overnight vigils, during which spooks from the netherworld supposedly waft out of the woodwork, and he explains:

“It wasn’t my idea, it was something that was brought to my attention during promotion for the new record. It’s something cool that I’ve never done before, because when I’m on tour I don’t get time to go out and see historic sites. I’ve been sceptical my whole life about this stuff, so I thought it would be cool to go there and see if I’m a sceptic when I’m done. I’ve got my bullshit detector ready in case they try any tricks, though.”

Wednesday, however, has already seen more than his fair share of spookery over the years, starting with his childhood, when he was obsessed with horror films. Later on he formed a band, Maniac Spider Trash, which went nowhere, although he did come up with his stage identity at about that time.

“I grew up admiring people with cool stage names like Nikki Sixx and Alvin Stardust,” he recalls. “I was watching The Addams Family one day and that little girl, Wednesday, was such a sarcastic bitch. The number 13 is considered unlucky, so I combined the two because it sounded spacey and weird.”

Proper recognition came in 1996 with a new band, Frankenstein Drag Queens From Planet 13, whose fusion of camp horror sci-fi and gothic punk was an obvious hint at Wednesday’s influences. No fewer than 11 albums and EPs came from the band, leading to the formation of an unexpectedly wide fan base.

“It was funny, because in my mind we were just a local band here in my town in North Carolina,” he says. “Even though I’d released records in Europe, I’d never actually been to Europe, and when I went there I met several people who had our stuff. Robb Flynn told me that he used to warm up with Machine Head every day listening to a Frankenstein Drag Queens record! That blew my mind.”

But major success came in 2003, when a certain diminutive drummer phoned Wednesday for a chat.

“Joey Jordison was a fan of my band,” remembers Wednesday, “and called me up out of the blue. He said he was putting a project together called Murderdolls and he wanted to use me in the band. Apparently he’d had my records for a couple years and used to take them out on the road with Slipknot. That was really cool.”

Within weeks, Murderdolls were a viable band with an album deal with Roadrunner and a tour lined up. Murderdolls found a willing fan base, released Beyond The Valley Of The Murderdolls in 2002 and made it big in Japan. But that was it for them. Slipknot required Joey’s urgent attention the following year, and the band went their separate ways.

“We had new songs and music ready to go,” Wednesday explains, “but then the reality set in that Slipknot were going to be on tour for two years, and I was like, ‘I can’t sit around for two years doing nothing, and I can’t go back to what I was doing before’, so I started my own band. The fact is, as long as Slipknot continues to tour and be a functioning band, Murderdolls will always be a side-project, even though we did a lot of work and made a lot of fans on that little short run that we had. If Murderdolls happens again, I’d be really into doing it.”

Which brings us to the present day. Wednesday 13, is back doing what he does best – singing about the dark side of life. He’s here for the long haul.

“When I was getting sober,” the man recalls, “Alice Cooper told me that he’d toured with Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin. He partied just as hard as these people, and they died. He said that there are survivors – him and Steven Tyler and Nikki Sixx – and that those are the people that leave a legacy. He goes, ‘There’s nothing cool about laying in a casket’.”

These are wise words from a man who knows, right?

Skeletons is out now on Demolition Records

[doberbutts]

A week and a half on T:

Significantly reduced menses problems (which btw started over a week early less than a single week into T so there’s that to consider). Cramps significantly more controllable. Able to eat, digest, and poop which is more than I could ever say about anything. On the other hand cramps also lasted two days instead of one which I think is a ripoff, and the length of time I bled was also nearly doubled (always 3 days in the past, this time 5).

Voice doing a lot of weird shit- sometimes it’s normal and other times it’s deeper and other times it’s raspy. Harder to hit high notes but easier to maintain low notes when singing

HUNGRY. I wake up hungry and I am now hungry also for lunch and dinner. And sometimes snack after. It also means sometimes I eat and I’m hungry again like half an hour later. It’s not like a gnawing hunger but it is very present and kind of annoying. High protein snacks are the way to go.

Facial hair on cheeks still patchy and light. Facial hair on lip somewhat darker and longer??? I’ve always sort of wanted a soul patch with a little on the chin as well, which I knooooooooow is a Douchebag Style nowadays but also it makes me very grumpy that yet another Black Thing got co-opted by white people who now have decided it’s bad as that style started in the jazz community (which is why I like it, having grown up with my jazz-loving black dad and black friend of family) which was dominated by black people and now I’m off on a tangent

STINKY. Whewf my deodorant ain’t doing the 48 hour thing it claims to anymore. I’m applying twice a day and still catching a whiff every now and then. I don’t need to shower more because I’m using testosterone gel and am worried about gel transference, I need to shower more because I smell bad lmao

Speaking of smell, while it is... strong... there’s almost a pleasantness to it? My rural roots attribute part of that scent to men who work and labor all day, usually farming or hunting or woodworking or building etc. Smelly, but also kinda nice. I’ve always been of two minds about it when smelling it on partners after, ahem, vigorous activities, because on one hand. Stinky. But on the other hand. Good Scent. Is this what the musk fandom is always on about?

Muscles??? Noticeable muscles??? Not beefcake yet but my Arms Are Thicker. I was able to lift a 45lb bag of dog food for Sushi with little issue where I used to struggle before. I was able to lift Sushi off the ground, something I haven’t been able to do since she got over 85lbs (she’s 99.5 currently), without hurting or straining my back. She jumped into my arms like Creed used to and I caught her on reflex and held her midair and was like wait............. you don’t feel as heavy as you used to did you lose weight?????? And then I weighed her at work and nope she’s still hovering around 100lbs I can just carry that now apparently.

IDK if this is bottom growth necessarily but Stimulation Always is now somewhat of a problem. I’m thinking I will need to buy a new packer soon since my other one finally broke and the sensation of wearing my underwear has been, um, a lot. The prosthetic I buy sort of... cups everything, as it’s made specifically for trans guys with significant bottom growth or metoidioplasty, and that should help prevent unwanted Sensation when I’m trying to not be horny on main.

IDK also if I’m thinking horny thoughts more often but I’m definitely more affected by horny thoughts more often.

Speaking of Sushi she’s been all over me recently but I think she’s about to go into heat and she does turn absurdly affectionate when in heat so jury’s out on whether it’s my hormones or hers making her weird.

More stamina? My body still aches and is sore when I do too much but I worked in my backyard for like three hours yesterday immediately coming off of an 8 mile hike and then cooked and cleaned and was only slightly tired by the end of it. Sore, yes. But not tired.

Better poop??? Is this diet related since I’m eating more often or is this testosterone who knows but I’m appreciating not shitting my brains out all the time because my stomach decided to throw a temper tantrum about one of my meals.

[abiiors]

hi! i’m the one who sent the (or one of) the anon about Brad. it’s essentially just what the other person in your ask box said about making fun of the fan base (mainly the female part.) he made a few reddit post to which everyone in the comments made fun of Brad for doing, along with the mods who deleted the post and told him to stop trying to drum up unnecessary controversy. i’m happy i now know more people are tired of his blatant misogyny towards the female fan base. i didn’t mean to cause any worry or upset towards Matty, i don’t know how much he contributes to Brad’s post. i just have been finding it strange that all Brad does is find videos of swifties/75 fans to make fun of them (Taylor herself too.) and that’s essentially his entire schtick/job. a lot of people in the reddit thread summed up my thoughts better than this could’ve. i don’t use twitter so i don’t know what people are saying there. either way i don’t think any of this is Matty’s fault, i think Brad kind of sucks and it just so happens Matty works with him here and there.

this might be a stupid place to say this, but tumblr is a lot kinder then reddit/twitter. does anybody else not like this whole thing with brad troemel? i don’t know why matty likes him/employs him. he set up a “the 1975 fan union” on instagram and posted about it on 3 or 4 reddits. majority of his post are so directly making fun of the female fan base. i understand the making fun of chronically online people who are deranged but this is just annoying. also him bringing up / posting about taylor swift (also strange if her and matty actually did date, to post about this man you work for ex-girlfriend.) sooo often. also he just says the most obvious things that anybody who has had a phone for longer than 3 days would know. he just post annoying infographics that has been all regurgitated stuff matty has been saying since like 2017 (start of abiior era.) i love matty and stuff but this era of infographics, what’s real/what’s fake, joking about what’s happening in the middle east/how there’s nothing he can do about it, and brad troemel era is so annoying. his cynicism in the start of the bfiafl era was very interesting and thought-provoking. now it’s just reusing the same boomer logic over and over. again this isn’t hate towards any fans or matty himself, just an observation from a huge fan.

combining both your asks into one, i hope you don't mind <3

i've seen a lot of opinions about this flying around, and i want to point out that we don't know for sure who's behind it but at the same time it does reek of brad and just also... a lot of misogyny in general.

i don't mind matty making fun of us in a haha light hearted way like sure some people do really take it too far and end up being the butt of the joke but someone else coming out the woodworks and making fun of people who literally only want to support their fav artists and enjoy their art and music feels like a slap in the face.

i don't want to jump to conclusions and say that matty knew or he's encouraging it or whatever because obv we don't know any of the behind th scenes but if it is really brad then i find it hard to believe that matty/the band won't know.

you, and a lot of other people have said that satvb got old really fast and to some it also feels like a shadow of atvb which i don't want to comment on because 1) i have never seen any of the shows live and 2) i feel like it's still an evolving thing and i don't want to have a fixed opinion of it until we have the full picture, i.e. the end of the tour. that's not to say tht your opinion isn't valid, i completely see where you're coming from.

based on what i know about brad from others, yeah i'm not a huge fan either but at the same time i'm not at all familiar with his art outside of his connection to the band.

anyway if it is actually him -- loser behaviour. i hope he has explosive diarrhea while proposing to the love of his life.

that's all, my apologies for the plethora of typos, i'm too hungover to correct them rn

[iamafanofcartoons]

Media Criticism is DEAD, there are no more good critics. LET PEOPLE ENJOY THINGS!

One of my pet peeves is that a lot of the time, people hating on X thing will just regurgitate whatever video essay they got their opinions from verbatim, so you get the same, tired criticism play out every time. Yes, I've seen the hbomb video, and its garbage!

I used to have a friend who basically just parrots certain opinions and it's super annoying because you can literally see him change his own opinions to suit critics, like at least have some original opinions man!

Its genuinely exhausting that everyone today is a mini critic. Every new game, movie, show, ect has to be criticized to the ends of the earth, even if some of those criticisms make no sense at all. even before a new game is out, people have to say it'll be shit with no evidence. can't even discuss a new game coming out in a discord of people who play the first game because they're all 100% CONVINCED without a shred of evidence that it will suck and the devs will fuck it up beyond belief, despite the fact that the only thing we've seen so far are concept arts and 2 trailers. Nobody can be fucking positive about anything anymore and its god damn atrocious. I'm so sick of it.

I'm really sick of people cynically criticizing everything over the most minute details, and it's exhausting talking about media with people like that. 

Obviously people can criticize things but a lot of the time it feels like people are trying to use criticism to make their opinions "objective" instead of just... not liking it. 

You can't just say "not for me" anymore, you gotta write a video essay on why this thing is actually bad.

If you say "I think RWBY is really good" of course people are gonna disagree and that's fine.

 But what I find annoying is that you'll go "Hey this RWBY fight/character is cool" and you'll get flooded with "RWBY BAD WATCH THE HBOMB VIDEO!!"

Imagine spending 2.5 hours watching bald neckbeard cinemasins take a giant dump on a passion project, but somehow you don’t have 5-10 minutes to use google search to see if any of what he said was true. Spoilers? Most of it was slander and libel.

And these are the same people that never recognize forced straight ships that pander to heterosexuals.  Examples?  Sorry, I don't have the time to list 95% of all media with a romance that aren't romance genre.

God forbid someone wants two fictional women to kiss...or two men for that matter.  LGBT media is always criticized more harshly than shows with no representation at all.

It especially sucks because I do think people should have the right to criticize things, and that no piece of media is above criticism, but when everything is 100% criticism 100% of the time it just… doesn’t even mean anything anymore.

It's also hard to criticise things like this when something actually is poorly written, because the worst bigots and haters come out of the woodwork and latch onto your criticism as a "look, we're right" kind of thing. It makes it hard to actually critique progressive media a lot of the time.

A lot of folks just want to hide their hatred for LGBT and for women. I guess I’d rather have poor representation than no representation at all.

Let people enjoy things instead of being a pretentious killjoy who's never had fun in their life unless they're shitting on someone else's fun.

It gets tiring to hear the exact same criticisms of a character I like every goddamn time I bring them up. It may be new criticism to people saying it, but it's mentally taxing hearing the exact same points a hundred times.

[dollslayer]

Botanical Interest - For Luck

Soft!Mob!Steve Rogers x Florist!Reader

Summary: Steve introduces you to some of the most important people in his life, but are you ready for all that comes with it?

W/C: 4,743

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, angst, gambling

A/N: When I saw @redhead-wine-and-literature-club was doing a floral based challenge I couldn't pass up the opportunity to add to this series! April 28th - Cornflower - good-luck charm. Even though this is part of a series of oneshots it can be read as a standalone! If you like it please like/reblog/comment and check out my other fics! Cheers!

Botanical Interest Masterlist I Main Masterlist

The sunlight through the windows warms your skin while the breeze of the small fan on the counter gives you goosebumps. Dog days of Summer slowly set in over the city and with them came a slight dip in business. No one wants a rooftop wedding when it’s 100 degrees out and the drinks are watered down with sweat. You didn’t mind though, it let you put in a little extra time and care to the orders you did have.

You picked up a stem of cornflower and nestled it between snapdragons and lisianthus. It was so dreamy you couldn’t help but sigh, you almost wished it was for yourself. It was for an elopement, an eager young couple came in this morning all smiles asking if you could take the last minute order. Feeling a little sappy from your own relationship you couldn’t turn them down.

You started in on the boutonniere when the music you had on was paused. Curious, you looked at your phone to find you had an incoming call. You balanced the phone in between your shoulder and ear as you gathered supplies.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Doll. How are you?” Steve’s warm voice greeted you.

You smiled into the receiver. “I’m good, just working on the last order of the day. What are you up to?”

“Well actually that’s what I called to ask you. You free tonight?”

“You can meet me at the shop in an hour. Sound good?” You promised.

“Sounds like a plan. I love you, doll, I’ll see you soon.”

After returning his affections you hung up and set to work, excited to be finished and see Steve. Despite his involvement with the mob, which neither of you had really addressed head-on yet, things were going really well. Even though he was involved with murky dealings he was sweet to you and you were in love with him. You tried to plan your night with Steve in your head as you worked.

____

The ringing of a bell roused you from your work, expecting to see the young couple here to pick up their flowers. You were instead face to face with Steve’s handsome smirk and playful eyes. Your smile grew wider as he approached the counter. You held the boutonniere up to the lapel of his jacket and eyed it from a distance.

“Do I have a hot date I didn’t know about?” He joked.

“No!” You giggled, “The flowers are for a couple that came in the shop this morning, they’re going to elope and the groom’s got your complexion, thought I’d see how this looks on you before I finish”

“Oh? And how do I look as a groom?” He questioned.

Your cheeks heated instantly and you felt shy. You managed to squeak out that he looked nice before you had to turn away to box up the flowers. You couldn’t help the stupid smile on your face. You and Steve never talked about marriage before but things were getting serious between you. Maybe he just felt extra cheeky today.

“I like the blue, very colorful”

“They’re cornflowers, they’re a good luck charm! I figured they were fitting for their little wedding. So what did you have in mind for tonight? It’s too hot to sit on the patio but I’ve got a pint of ice cream with our names on it in the freezer at home” You raised your eyebrows in offer.

“Well actually, I was hoping you could be my good luck charm tonight. Bucky’s got a few of us getting together tonight for poker and you’ve yet to meet my friends. What do you say?”

Oh. You weren’t sure what to say. You hadn’t met his friends yet because you were uncomfortable with his mob work and you knew they were involved. But you also knew they were his friends and they were important to him. It’s not like you could avoid them forever. Poker with a mob boss? Sure why not?

You put on a slightly uneasy smile and nodded.

“Well I have to tell you, I haven’t played in forever but I would love to meet your friends” You told him.

“I promise, no shop talk. But I’ve been telling them about you. Buck’s wife Natasha has been dying to meet you. I also promise not to make you play poker.” He said with an easy grin.

“Alright, I just have to wait on this couple to pick up their flowers and close up. Shouldn’t be more than 20 minutes. You can wait here if you want but I’ve got no A/C”

Steve nodded and took off his jacket. He rolled up his sleeves and loosened his tie.

“For you? I’ll sweat it out.” He said.

____

After a quick pit stop at your place to change you were on your way. You smiled in the passenger’s seat, still reeling from the look on the young bride’s face when she saw her bouquet. That was undoubtedly the best part of your job, seeing the joy on your customer’s faces when they saw their arrangements. Maybe this feeling could carry you through the night.

The tires of Steve’s Audi crunched under the gravel of the long driveway up to Bucky’s estate. Steve told you he had a townhouse in Brooklyn but for the most part they stayed at their estate outside of the city. You looked up at the facade of the house and admired the ivy that clung to the bricks.

Parking the car Steve got out and quickly made his way to your side to let you out. Just one of the many old-fashioned quirks that he had. You accepted his hand as he helped you out of the car and leaned up to kiss his cheek. His hand traveled down to rub your back reassuringly. You looked up at him.

“Don’t worry, they’ll love you. Natasha can be intense but she means well. Just be yourself and they’ll love you just as much as I do.” He kissed your hair to soothe you and lead you towards the door.

Steve nodded at the man at the door. “Scott. Nice to see you, this is my girlfriend”

You smiled and gave him your name. “It’s nice to meet you, Scott”.

He smiled and greeted you in kind, lifting his hand to shake yours. When he did his jacket rode up and you could see the holster and butt of his gun. You ignored it and shook his hand.

Scott opened the door for you and you entered the house. Mansion, might be a better word honestly. Marble floors, oak woodwork, all the look of any house you’d find in the area and all in line with how you’d think a rich mob boss might live. The foyer was empty but you could hear voices in the distance.

Steve waltzed through the halls like he lived here, when he was at work he probably practically did. The space was teeming with energy as they bantered on with trash talk and promises of beating one another. Men sat at a round table drinking, waiting to deal cards and women standing around sipping on wine.

One man looked familiar from the pictures you’d seen around Steve’s place. His sharp jaw and long dark hair drew your attention instantly; Bucky Barnes, King of Brooklyn. His brows were pinched together in a scowl but he had a playful grin on his face. You steeled yourself the best you could and prepared for your introduction. Just think of him as Steve’s childhood best friend.

“Steve! ‘Bout time you showed up you bastard!” an accented voice belonging to a tall blond man with long hair called. He clapped a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “And are you the enchantress that our dear friend goes on and on about? Now that I’m meeting you I can see why!”

Steve let out an embarrassed laugh and motioned towards his friend. “This is Thor, don���t let the muscle fool you, he’s a total teddy bear”

You gave him your name and extended your hand when he brought you in for a bone-crushing hug. You let out a laugh and hugged him back, grateful for something to ease the tension you felt.

“How’s that for a warm welcome, huh?” A voice sounded from behind you.

Thor released you from your hug and you took a desperately needed breath. He patted you on the shoulder.

“Wanted to make our dear Steven’s girl feel at home, that’s all” Thor explained. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I look forward to beating your boyfriend at poker.” You laughed at that and turned to face the man who spoke earlier.

That man was none other than Bucky, who reached out for your hand. You gave it to him and he instead lifted it to give a gentle kiss.

“I can’t believe I’m meeting the one and only. Stevie here won’t shut up about you sometimes. I’m Bucky but I’m sure you already knew that.”

“I’ve heard about you too, it’s nice to finally meet.” You nodded as you took your hand back.

“I’m afraid I need to steal your man, we’ve been waiting on him to start the game but tell you what, why don’t you go find my wife Natasha, I know she’s been dying to meet you.”

Great, not at all intimidating. Okay fine just smile and breathe. Maybe get a drink. You smiled at Bucky. “The redhead, right?” He nodded and sent you on your way. One last look at Steve you shot him a worried look but he only winked at you.

You looked around the room and shrunk in on yourself a bit. You were never the best with social outings or being in new environments. You looked around again and found the very redhead you had been in search of smirking at you from the corner. She was dressed in a sleek black dress and looked effortlessly beautiful but also like she could strangle a man with her bare hands. You steeled yourself with a smile you’re sure she saw straight through.

“So you’re the one responsible for the flowers at my wedding?” You nodded Pleasesayyoulikedthempleasesayyoulikedthem “I loved them! The wedding planner recommended you and I’m so glad she did. It’s so hard to find a good color pallet but you nailed it. Come on, you need a drink then I’ll introduce you to the girls”

She ushered you towards the kitchen where she took the waiting wine glass from the counter and handed it to you. You didn’t like red but you’d drink it anyways. You brought the glass to your lips and took a sip.

You two talked for a bit in the kitchen, maybe she wasn’t as scary as she seemed. You tipped the stem of your glass until there was nothing left. Before you could ask for different wine she was topping you off from the same bottle. Another round of apprehensive sips and hidden grimaces but you thanked her regardless. It was now your goal to find the sociable sweet spot of drunkenness. You could feel blood rushing to your cheeks from the alcohol as tipsiness settled in.

Natasha raised an eyebrow and considered you for a moment.

“So how are you handling the whole organized crime thing? Gotta say, I didn’t peg you as his type but you guys are cute.”

You stopped yourself from spitting the wine in your mouth back into the glass.

“Um, thanks, I guess” You sputtered, “we uh, try to keep things separate. Figure it’s best for both of us.”

Natasha nodded, taking another drink herself.

“That’s probably best but I mean, how long can you keep that up, really?” She asked

You hated to admit it but she had a point. It’s not like the thought hadn’t crossed your mind. You opened your mouth to answer her when a man walked into the room and called your name. You looked expectantly (and slightly gratefully) towards him.

“I believe your man has requested your presence at the table. Somethin’ about needing a cornflower? I don’t know he said you’d get it. What are you two gossipin’ about in here anyways?” He questioned.

Natasha spoke before you could “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that, Sam. We’re right behind you.” Sam nodded and retreated back to the doorway to wait for you.

Natasha touched your shoulder and you looked to her.

“Look, I didn’t mean to come off so brash, I guess I’m just trying to say, I know that being involved in this life isn’t easy. We’ll swap numbers later. Maybe we’ll go to lunch” She winked at you. You couldn’t tell if she was being serious or not but you nodded anyways.

“I-Thank you, I think I’d like that. I’d better go find Steve though” you excused yourself and made your way back to the table.

____

Steve Rogers was having a good night. He finally got to introduce his friends to his girl, she seemed to be relaxing a bit and having a better time, and he was well on his way to getting a straight flush this hand. The only thing that would seal the deal is his good luck charm by his side.

Steve called to Sam across the room and as soon as Sam walked over and bent Steve spoke.

“Sam, could you do me a solid and find my girl? Think she went to get a drink with Nat. Tell her I need cornflowers”

“Man if this is some weird sex thing I’m gonna be mad” Sam said with a mixture of confusion and disgust.

“Oh, please. Nothin’ like that, promise. She’ll know what it means.” Steve pat his friend on the shoulder and paid attention as Thor dealt cards.

A minute later his girl was walking through the door with an uneasy smile on her face. Something is wrong but he can’t gauge how serious it is. Sam says something to make her laugh and he settles on asking her later. Natasha saunters out behind them looking almost amused but cautious. Like she was regretting something. She’d probably just tried to give his girl the third degree when Sam interrupted them. It’s for the best, that’s too much for one night.

His girl smiles as she approaches him, looking slightly more at ease when she takes another sip of her wine. Her smile was a little looser and she moved a bit more freely, definitely tipsy and completely adorable with that grin on her lips.

“How are things going over here for you boys?”

Gauging how tipsy she was, he patted his knee in offering and she took it with a shy smile. Only slightly. But enough not to worry so much.

“Well, sweetheart, I’m about to kick all their asses and I figured I could use a good luck charm to seal the deal.” He boasted.

“Oh,” she said in realization, “Then I’m all yours”. She settled into his lap and watched on.

Her face was nothing short of endearing as she tried to concentrate and take in the game. He remembered she said she hadn’t been good at poker but it was sweet she was trying to pay attention anyways and be there for him.

“What’s the pot?” She asked.

“Nothin’ serious, there’s a pretty nice box of cigars and a weekend at Buck’s place in the Hamptons in the mix but we don’t do cash at get togethers like this, that’s for boy’s nights only.” He explained as he rubbed her back with his free hand. “Tonight’s just about fun”

She nodded as she studied the table some more before resigning to laying her head against his and listening to whatever bullshit Clint was on about. Steve was focused on getting others at the table to fold, he knew he had a good hand and a good chance of winning, he just needed the others to back down to bring it home.

Thor placed the final community card face up and Steve set out a low whistle. Others at the table looked a little miffed but he just knew he was taking it all. He set down his cards to a chorus of groans as he raked all the chips towards himself. You placed a kiss to his temple and he returned one to your cheek.

“Just the good luck I needed” he said loud enough for the table to hear.

“Hey Steve you gotta come see this!”

Steve tsked in annoyance. “Can it wait? I’m up and we were gonna keep playing. I’ll be there after”

“No, you should go. Let her play a hand for you, we can get to know each other better” Bucky suggested.

“Oh, I don’t think you want me playing poker.” She laughed but nervousness was the only emotion he could see on your face. He opened his mouth to protest but was cut off.

“She’ll be fine, we’ll go easy on her, I mean it. If it makes you feel better we’ll even hold the pot. This round is just for shits.” Bucky insisted.

Caught between wanting to ask how you felt about it and not wanting to get flak about being so sensitive Steve tilted his head in silent asking at you.

You gave him the same unsure smile you’d had all night and nodded up at him. “I’ll be fine, Stevie, promise.”

He gave her a reassuring smile and then turned his eye to Bucky who was all smiles. He knew exactly what Bucky was trying to do. Buck knows she doesn’t know anything but he’s gonna turn the screws on her just like he does with anyone new at the table. Steve gave him a stern expression in warning. Don’t scare her off.

____

You could hear your heart beating in your ears as you tried to decide what to do. Take it slow. You told yourself. You looked up to find all the eyes at the table on you and did your best to calm yourself.

“So who’s dealing?” A man you hadn’t previously met swiped the cards and began shuffling.

“Look, I know we said we’d put the pot on hold but Laura’s been bugging me about a vacation and I don’t know that I can pass up this opportunity to steal from Steve so easily, so” The man you’d come to know as Clint trailed off. You did your best not to be offended.

“Shut up, Barton. I promised Steve, we just wanna have a little fun, don’t we?” Bucky asked.

Is he asking me?

You decided to take a sip of your wine instead and he chuckled.

“So,” Bucky turned to you, “I know that you know about what we do, there’s no point in denying it. The question is are you going to be a problem for us or do you know how to keep things to yourself?”

Frozen in fear you could only manage to look at the rest of the table, hoping to find that this was all a joke. Instead, every face looking to you was stony and waiting on an answer. God, this man was made for Natasha, that much is clear. Your eyes darted around the room looking for an out. Where is Steve? Where the fuck is Steve?

You don’t find him, but you do find Natasha looking at you, she smiles and looks to her husband before she shakes her head. She makes her way over to her husband and lightly smacks him in the back of the head.

The look of surprise on his face ruins his silent and aggressive front as he winces in pain. He looks in slight annoyance at his wife as she tsks at him.

“Will you stop already? She’s a smart girl and you don’t need to go scaring her off. In fact, I hope she beats you. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did.” Natasha sounded so confident. You warmed to the fact that she was in your corner when you were practically a stranger in her home.

“Aw c’mon, Babe, I was only messin’ with her.” Bucky turned to Nat and she just challenged him with a smile.

You didn’t know why Natasha has suddenly become so supportive, maybe she felt bad about earlier but you were grateful to her. She pulled up a chair between the two of you to watch and motioned to the dealer to continue. You finished your second glass and prepared yourself for the night ahead. Any chance they had of you going easy on them went out the window.

____

You lost the first hand graciously, saying you hadn’t played poker since you were in college as an excuse for your loss. But when Steve was still busy and Bucky offered another round you accepted. You decided to put your full effort in this time.

Twenty minutes later everyone at the table was feeling confident in their hands, staring at each other like some sort of Mexican standoff, willing the others to fold. You could tell by the way Clint kept scratching the cut on his chin that he was screwed and he knew it. Thor couldn’t go more than 5 seconds without nervous laughing.

But Bucky? He was a tough read but about half way through the round his leg started bouncing. You knew this because he was bumping into Natasha, who’s wine was sloshing around in the glass despite her stillness. These clods didn’t stand a chance.

The dealer, Vision, you’d learned, called for everyone to show their cards. Here goes. One by one everyone set their cards down until finally it was your turn. You set them down but focused on your opponents faces. Everyone looked confused, shocked even. You had laid down a royal flush and handily smoked them all.

“Holy shit”

“Holy shit indeed”

“Told you so” Nat teased.

You smiled at all of them and drank from your newly topped off glass of wine - white this time. A warm pair of hands rested on your shoulders and you looked up to find Steve smiling down at you.

“What’s going on over here, gentlemen?”

“Well, Steve, I think your girl is hustlin’ us. Thought you said you hadn’t played since college?” Bucky turned to you. You couldn’t gauge how angry he was but you decided to be honest.

“I haven’t,” you began, “But when I did I was pretty damn good. You just assumed I didn’t know what I was doing.” You shrugged.

The room was tense, it felt like everyone was looking to Bucky to see what to do next. He broke out into a wide smile and a low chuckle turned into hearty laugh. Everyone visibly relaxed.

“I gotta say, Steve. She isn’t what I expected, but she’s sure somethin’”

“A girl after my own heart” Natasha added.

Steve bent down to kiss your head. You stood from the table and offered him your seat. Nat put a hand on your shoulder.

“Steve I’m going to steal her again, the girls will probably want to hear all about your little cardshark.”

____

He had to admit, he was completely blown away by your little stunt at the table. He thought back to earlier when you watched him play. You weren’t trying to desperately understand the game, you were studying your opponents. He couldn’t deny it was kinda hot. You were full of surprises.

He smiled thinking that you were no different than the day you met, timid but aggressive when you need to be. That’s my girl.

The rest of the night came and went without incident, Steve didn’t end up taking home the pot but he did have a conversation with Bucky.

“She and I don’t talk about work. She knows that what we do isn’t exactly reputable but let’s face it, anyone in Brooklyn would. She doesn’t know and she doesn’t want to.”

Bucky took a long drag from his glass of bourbon and nodded.

“But if she ever did I hope she’s smart enough to know she has to keep what she knows to herself. We can’t afford any slip ups.”

Steve’s fists clenched and he controlled his anger enough not to snap at Bucky. He was his best friend but Bucky was still the boss and Steve knew how much was at stake.

“Not that it’s any of my business but you love this girl, right?” Steve swallowed thickly and nodded.

“Then how the hell are you gonna manage that? Keepin’ your two worlds separate? I mean, you just gonna walk her down the aisle and live happily forever keeping half your life from her? I need to know that if push came to shove she wouldn’t sell us out. Things are fine for now but you know that you’re either in or you’re out. I care about you, Steve, you’re my best friend but you need to see straight.”

Steve looked away, his jaw clenched as he ground his teeth. He knew Bucky was right. He loved you but he owed his life to Bucky, he was his brother. But he loved you. They were careful in their work and he knew any feds that tried to come after them wouldn’t find a thing. He could put this issue into a box and seal the lid tightly, at least for a while.

“I know you’re right. I love her and she’s a good woman. She wouldn’t say anything because she doesn’t know anything. And she never will.”

He left Bucky to stand on his own in search of you. He found you laughing with Laura, Wanda and Nat. He smiled at how welcomed you seemed to feel despite the rocky start.

“You ready to go, doll?”

You turned around and smiled at him. You looked back at the girls and then reluctantly back to him but nodded.

“Guess we’d better go, I’ve got to get down to the flower market at open tomorrow morning”

____

After a very long round of goodbyes you swapped numbers with Nat with promises of future lunch plans. The night had turned out worlds better than you thought that it would. You served a bunch of men their own egos on a silver platter and didn’t get murdered for it and you even made friends.

Still though Nat’s words echoed in your mind ‘how long can you keep that up, really?’ Little did you know but the same thoughts troubled Steve. You knew eventually you would have to make a choice if you ever wanted to get more serious than you were with each other, you just didn’t know what choice you’d make.

The ride home was quiet but not tense. He held your hand a little tighter than usual but you thought maybe he was just excited you had gotten on so well with your friends. He pulled up to your building and put the car in park.

“So do you think they liked me? I mean, other than hustling them at poker I’d say I made a pretty good impression”

Steve chuckled, “Yeah, doll. Gotta say, the whole cardshark thing? Kinda hot, didn’t know you had that in you, you little fiend.”

You rolled your eyes playfully and grinned at him. “I wasn’t gonna but Clint started talking shit.”

“Then he deserved his ass kicked” Steve joked. “I’d come up but I know you’ve got an early morning. Thank you for coming and meeting everyone tonight, I know that you want to keep things separate but these people are family to me, it means a lot that you met them”

You nodded and smiled. You told yourself you didn’t need to make the choice between getting involved with his work and keeping it apart from the other aspects of your life but it seems that by meeting them you had already made one.

Maybe you could talk more to Nat about this, she’d know what your situation is like more than anyone. For now though you decided to focus on the present reality, you had a good night and you had fun and now you’re about to kiss the man you love.

“Of course” you whispered. You kissed him slowly, trying to put off the sleepless night you were surely about to have.

“Goodnight, sweetheart. I’ll call you tomorrow. I love you”

“I love you too, Stevie”

[commander-kirschtein]

modern!au random quirks headcanons for the aot veterans

i’m back bitches with more brain rotting headcanons (if you want to see the ones for the 104th they’re here and if you think i should do some for the warriors then let me know!) - mac

masterlist

erwin smith:

erwin has the loudest fucking sneezes, like you jump out of your skin when he does it.

definitely texts with proper grammar and punctuation. never used an emoji in his life.

eats pizza with a knife and fork.

don’t ask him to take a picture of you. it will be blurry and his finger will be in the frame (why do all my headcanons make him sound like a grandpa lmao.)

doesn’t have spotify/apple music because he still listens to cds!! he’s got a massive collection of them hoarded in his house and car (don’t you dare put a cd in the wrong case unless you want to feel his wrath.)

levi ackerman:

he has every group chat he��s ever been invited to on mute. would only ever open them just to get rid of the notification bubble.

talks to children and babies like fully grown adults.

wears headphones even if he isn’t listening to music so strangers don’t disturb him.

levi’s also the master of untangling headphones, or anything that needs untangling for that matter (he’s petra’s go-to necklace untangler.)

paints his nails black and wears a few rings on each hand “because it will hurt more if i ever need to punch someone.” (“okay but the nail varnish??” “oh that’s just because i think it looks hot.”)

hange zoe:

never shuts up about conspiracy theories - even if they don’t believe them they’ll spend hours watching videos about them on youtube (“moblit did you know that beyoncé is part of the illuminati-” “go to sleep hange it’s 3am.”)

is double jointed and isn’t afraid to show people at the strangest of times (“hange no one at the store wants to see how you can twist your body into a pretzel!”)

refuses to go to a doctor unless they’re on the brink of death. not to mention they’re the most accident prone person on this planet (moblit suggested that they wrap them self in bubble wrap - they actually did it much to his dismay.)

has three cats with really human names if that makes sense?? probably called phil, sandra and dave.

will only eat cereal at night. they will refuse it for breakfast but will eat 3 bowls between 9pm and 11pm.

mike zacharias:

i saw this drawing once of mike doing woodwork and i have come to the conclusion that yes, he is a DIY husband! he makes gifts out of wood for his friends but he will also put together your IKEA furniture, fix your boiler and put up that shelf you’ve been meaning to put up for 8 months. he’s just the best.

go-to person if you ever can’t open a can or a lid. mike is undefeated when it comes to opening things.

he and erwin definitely got drunk and dressed up in drag (petra did the makeup and nanaba has pictures.)

cracks his knuckles like 5 times a day. if you ask him he’ll crack your knuckles for you.

is the person who will ask what drinks people want and make them for everyone (he’s a sweetheart.)

moblit berner:

definitely has a karaoke sesh every time he’s in the shower. hange has secretly recorded for blackmail purposes.

is that person who locks their car doors twice for good measure.

bought a pregnancy pillow because he likes to be comfy.

took a first aid course because he was sick and tired of hange burning them self every time they cooked dinner.

mixed a bunch of spirits together once and called it his ‘cocktail of death.’ he had to get his stomach pumped the very same night.

nanaba:

get her to braid your hair, she’s amazing at it. she can do really cool french braids and fish braids and it looks so pretty !!

definitely the ‘mom’ friend. always the designated driver (okay but imagine nanaba having to put up with a drunk erwin and mike that’s so funny - “erwin did i ever tell you that i fucking love you so much?” “oh mike, buddy, i love you too.” “okay lovebirds it’s time for bed.” )

bakes a lot and makes the best fucking brownies and cakes ever. every weekend she will bake and bring whatever she makes into work on monday and everyone loves her for it.

can fall asleep anywhere. mike once found her asleep on the floor next to her bed because she was too tired to get into the bed itself.

has a knack for interior design. knows what looks good and what matches. her house looks like an IKEA showroom.

petra ral:

okay but why can i see petra going to zumba twice a week?

snorts when she laughs. she’s also got that kinda laugh that makes you laugh yourself so you just spend 10 minutes laughing for no reason.

wears cute dangly earrings all the time. always got the perfect manicure too (”just in case i need to scratch oluo’s eyes out for looking at my ass for the tenth time today.”)

you know when you walk past a stranger and get a whiff of their scent and it’s like, really nice? yeah, petra is that stranger.

organises the birthday cards and secret santa for her friends and workplace every year.

oluo bozado:

probably drives just over the speed limit because he thinks he’s cool (until he gets pulled over and given a ticket lmao.)

drenches every meal in mayonnaise. doesn’t season his meat either (disgusting.)

won’t open doors for people unless he thinks they’re attractive.

obnoxiously yawns loudly and probably chews with his mouth open (apologies to oluo fans, i just see him as being super fucking annoying ahahah.)

cuts the crusts off his sandwiches. also refuses to eat the crust on pizza.

gunther schultz:

made an instagram for his dogs. doesn’t even have a personal instagram, he just wants the world to see how cute his dogs are.

if you’re on a roadtrip, pass gunther the aux cord, he’s got the best taste in music.

always wins card games - from poker to UNO, he will always win.

has loads of old gaming consoles for nostalgia purposes. he is unbeatable on smash bros and mario kart, don’t even attempt to challenge him - you will lose.

such a good cheesy party dancer. pulls out the moonwalk and the robot every time.

eld jinn:

always wearing plaid?? does he own anything else? We will never know.

gives everyone head pats and fist bumps.

will do that really annoying thing where he goes ‘what’s that on your shirt’ so you look down and he flicks your face with his finger.

touches the top of the door frame every time he walks through one.

if anyone ever asks him to do something, he responds with ‘yes chef’ (and on that note, watches loads of gordon ramsey. quotes him at least 6 times a day - including calling oluo an ‘idiot sandwich.’)

[dontcallmecarrie]

Hey, I vicariously live in my imagination to escape from the reality.

So, I have been wondering about the Rogues reaction to Tony defeating thanos, the IronSmaug, taking over the world etc...

Have a go at it, if you are interested.

It's also fine if you dont.

thanks, I really, really needed the distraction. it's been. an interesting week. not in a good way.

.

tbh, the whole 'what does Team Cap think about this mess?' thing in TWiFFON is...something I had originally been torn about, and everything that's been happening ever since means I keep finding myself going "do I have the energy to tackle this? lol no".

For some context, because you probably know my stance on this sort of thing but I prefer redundancy just to make sure we're on the same page: once upon a time, I honestly, genuinely did like the Avengers. All of them, and yes, that included Wanda [...for less than an hour, but still].

Back when I still had faith in the writers, I was constantly going "...okay, so when are these guys going to stop acting so OOC? Where tf are they planning on taking these character arcs?" and just being disappointed at each turn— but I stuck around because I liked the potential. Steve "what do you mean punching fascists isn't cool anymore?" Rogers, Natasha "my past is a tire fire and I'll just leave it at that" Romanov, Clint "where's Loki? Let me at him!" Barton and the rest of the group had their good points, and I gave myself a headache trying to figure out wtf was their thought process when the time came for them to do their thing in TWiFFON.

It wasn't fun, I only did it because it was absolutely necessary... and I still ended up receiving complaints.

Look: for me, character bashing is exhausting. I have enough going down in my life that I don't have any interest in writing it, and over the past few years I've seen more than one of the fandoms I follow/lurk in become salt mines that have me going "...okay, if you hate it so much, why are you even here?"

When I write, I try my best to emphasize the 'actions have consequences' thing I learned long before I hit puberty; but that doesn't mean I'm up for anything beyond that. Again, I used to like these characters, so seeing the levels of suffering canon— and some writers— put them through just has me stepping back for a moment.

But TWiFFON attracted a lot of people who were pretty far out there in terms of what they wanted, some of whom got very very pissy when it wasn't the story I wanted to write, which is...probably like 99% of the reason I'm still burned out on that AU. Apart from the recent personal life bs that means I am Not Up To Dealing With any hypothetical rando that shows up in my inbox, because normally I could not care less about what people think but my energy levels are. Um. Not great atm. Not sure I wouldn't bite anyone's head off if they wanted to start something right now, tbh, or just ragequit writing for a while because I have way better things to do with my time than deal with random internet assholes.

...apologies for the tangent, but now you know why that situation is one I'm normally kinda reluctant on tackling.

As for what I'd originally headcanoned:

Back before things hit the fan, I'd originally planned to have some little interlude snippets of what Team Cap's been dealing with. Mostly, it would've forced them to acknowledge that for all none of them liked or trusted Tony, he was basically just the personification of what the rest of the world thought of them.

Nobody respects them, anymore, or trusts them; Clint'd be in very hot water and sleeping on the couch for a while, and Hank Pym would never let Scott hear the end of his involvement in this whole thing because Hank hates the Stark name and the English language cannot concisely articulate just how pissed off he was that he had to publicly thank Tony.

Team Cap overall would also start to fall apart at the seams as more and more stuff came out and ey, turns out the leader they'd trusted and broken international laws for had lied to them.

By omission, sure, but honestly— do you think that'd go down well? The "oh yeah, I've known my brainwashed friend killed his parents since DC but I am not going to tell him unless I'm forced to" thing?

I don't know about you, but I for one highly doubt Sam Wilson would be okay with that. Or Clint, for that matter, and the list goes on because the more time passes, the more stuff keeps coming out of the woodwork and for the first time in years, they're forced to deal with it.

One of the things I planned to include in the sidefic can basically be summed up as "the curious case of Bucky Barnes": that is to say, what'd happen after he's taken into custody, and poke lightly at the clusterfuck we're unpacking here. Tony, feeling bad for losing control in the bunker, would basically go "shit I fucked up but I also never want to see him again but he's an even bigger mess than I am, that's a whole lot to unpack so you know what? I'm just throwing out the suitcase entirely here, have all the resources for support and help and if I ever see you again, it'll be too soon".

...to sum up, it's messy af. SI Legal would feature heavily because his particular case means he needs a team of lawyers, what with the 'former POW who's trying to recover from All The Trauma' thing, and the 'so I literally was just trying to buy some damn groceries when you guys dragged me into this', and Tony basically went "hey, so if anyone wants to help him, uh, I kinda have some interest in this one. Fair warning, dude probably killed Kennedy while mind-controlled, with our luck".

And along the way, there'd also be some of that one subplot I'd cut due to pacing issues: specifically, the one dealing with prosthetics.

Remember how Miriam Sharpe said her son would never walk again? Yeah, we'd be revisiting that: her family'd get a letter or something inviting them for clinical trials, and meet Rhodey in passing as he's using his own leg braces to get around because he's still healing. Bucky would get a few design offers for a free replacement for his arm, and it'd probably end up being a collab with Wakanda because T'Challa feels bad for his role in that mess as well.

So Team Cap would be seeing this, seeing how everyone's acting and reacting, and the way one of their own is getting all the help and support Stark Industries has to offer and realizing that yeah, they messed up. Big time.

...depending on my salt levels and how close we're sticking to canon, I was thinking this'd go one of two ways.

Either they'd double down and just go "ugh, Tony is a supervillain and we can't do anything about it!" while TWiFFON marches on and then later go "...you mean he did it by accident?!", or...

Well, canon's proven character development and continuity isn't really in their writers' vocabulary. So my original idea of 'they're forced to deal with the reality of the situation, acknowledge they messed up and slowly move on with their lives' would've been very unrealistic.

Again, most of this is intentionally vague, I had not been keen to tackle that mess in TWiFFON in the first place and the way things exploded on me means I really, really don't have the energy to do so now. Not when there's far better things I could do with my time, like mess around with AUs where people actually get along, or knit, or— well, the list goes on.

[misamerglova]

Headcanon - Levi’s teahouse

I’m still coping with chapter 139, don’t judge me... 

Also, I’m not a native speaker so ya know, deal with it... :D 

Levi opened a small teahouse in the port after he physically recovered from that shitshow. It was more like a group effort really since he didn’t feel like doing anything for months and it was that teahouse project that actually got him out of his letargy. Connie, Jean, Reiner, Pieck, Annie and Armin more or less pushed him into it and helped him set it up.

Levi got a small property in the port which was nothing much in the beginning, just an old ugly house reaking of old cabbage and dirt. But one day the younglings showed up and helped him clean it up - and it was A LOT of work.

Jean coated the walls with the perfect shade of dark green. Connie brought the furniture couple of weeks later since he got into woodwork as a hobby after the war. Than Reiner showed up and provided Levi with a bunch of crooked teapots since he decided to try a pottery class as a part of his therapy. Levi was suspicious that they all ganged up on him with the teahouse project as a part of HIS therapy but they were all so casual about it that he decided to be chill about it.

Reiner later opened a small pottery business close to Levi’s teahouse and brought him more cups and pots - each of them better than the one before, with the most delicate floral paintings made by his mum. Pieck stopped by one day and brought with her the most adorable tea warmers she knitted. Levi would never admit that to her but he admired her pattern since he was not able to knit himself now with his two fingers missing.

One day a cart stopped by, bringing bunch of carpets, books and other treasured possesions from the previous Survey Corps headquarters. Apparently, Armin pulled some strings to had it delivered there. Armin came with Annie a couple days later to help Levi unpack only to find the captain sleeping in his wheelchair burried under a pile of Hange’s notes, Erwin’s reports and Moblit’s doodles. They left the captain sleep and unpacked it without him. Levi later woke up and instructed them to put some of the books into shelves on the walls - that way any visitor who comes into the teahouse would have access to it, he said.

Not long after that, Connie stopped by and brought Levi an empty wooden sign with a chain. At that time Levi KNEW they all plotted this teahouse diversion for him to stop being depressed and alone but he had to admit that their plan had worked. He was really kinda glad he had something to work on. And so Levi spent days by painting all the letters to his liking and asked Onyankopon to help him hang it in the street above the newly coated door.

He named the place ‘Teas of freedom’. Occasionally Levi calls it a shithole since it’s in the port and sometimes the smell from the streets gets in. Secretly he doesn’t mind though because it reminds of Hange’s lab.

He was really touched by all that effort everybody put into it, especially after Nicolo got to the port with the news of a great deal for tea delivery. Levi decided that any of them can have tea on the house any time they show up and any time they need a place to crash, to calm down or to contemplate, his teahouse would be always opened for them.

On the opening day everybody came and Levi got the best fruit pastries in the town and gave each of them a slice - a gesture that none of them understood but all of them appreciated. The pastries brought back the memories of the Survey Corps and Levi thought of all his fallen comarades when he saw all the remaining folks he fought with on that day sitting around tables, drinking tea and jokingly talk about their lives. It would seem that Reiner was still pinning for Historia and Armin asked Annie to marry him. Jean was really popular among the local ladies but everybody kept teasing him about his horse face. Well, everybody but Pieck. It was strange that she was the only one who did not join on the joke. Levi made a mental note to himself to keep an eye on those two. Hange would surely enjoy that piece of gossip.

In the teahouse, there are pictures of all the veterans on the walls. Some of them are Moblit’s paintings that Levi got framed, some of them he commisioned by a local artist who was firstly very excited to work with a war hero. That was before he discovered Levi’s perfecionalism. He than got really stressed out whenever Levi stopped by and commisioned a new painting. Nevertheless, the paintings are spot on and they make the teahouse look very homey. Above the counter there is a beautiful picture of Erwin, Hange, Mike, Nanaba and the whole Levi squad and Levi is extremelly proud of that one because the likeness of everybody is just perfect. Also, Connie made great frames for it. Armin once jokinly said that it’s too bad that there is no picture of 104th trainees squad as well. Little does he know that such a painting is already in the making and Levi intends it as a wedding gift for him and Annie next month.

On the wall above the door hangs Levi’s green coat and his blades crossed as a sign that the war is over for him. He likes looking at that from time to time since it reminds him of the good old days. He reads the paper every morning so he knows that the times are turbulant again but he hopes that it will not escalate this time. He wouldn’t admit it but he’s tired of fighting.

Levi lives in a small room behind the teahouse but spends most of his time outside. There is quite a large garden in the back of the house. Part of is accesible for guests with an old bench and a large log that Connie brought as a table, but part of it is private. There he grows flowers and stuff for his tea and he’s very proud of the selection of the herbs he has there. He used Hange’s notes to purchase some of them and she was right - they taste excellent when blended with the tea leaves.

It was surprisingly Mikasa who helped him set up the garden. She showed up one day in his backyard, digging in the dirt, saying nothing at all. He joined her and neither of them did speak. They planted seeds he bought previously on the market and the next day she showed up again, this time with some new flowers. They continued to work on the garden until it was all done. The last thing they did was planting a tree. Levi brought the seed from a forrest where he once wished he could stay with a women he loved and it brings him both sorrow and joy to see the tree grow. There is a seagul that often sits in the branches and Levi thinks it’s a bit weird but whatever, the place is close to the sea and there are seaguls everywhere. Some time ago he found a strand of red fiber under the tree - it looked suspiciously like from the Mikasa’s scarf which is weird because Mikasa hasn’t visited much since he opened the teahouse.

Gabi and Falco are both working in the teahouse since Levi is not much fond of interactions with people and he likes to prepare and brew the tea more than serving it. He has a wide selection of teas and the mysterious names are often a headscratcher for the new guests. When in a good mood, Levi is keen to explain the meaning behind the names. Lately, he’s been in a good mood more often than not which is a progress.

There is a peculiar tea which has a weird dirty color and smells like crap but tastes the most sweet. It’s called Four-eyes. There is also a tea served in a very tall cup that has a rich floral aroma that changes nicely in time. That one is called Mike’s selection. You can also get Erwin’s choice, which is the finest green tea you can get served with a breakfast. There is also Eyebrows, which is a blend of lovely golden color and Levi sometimes says that it’s against constipation. Noone knows if he’s joking or not. There is also one tea called Monke which reaks of shit and probably is made of shit as well. Noone knows because this tea is so notoriously known that noone orders it, ever. If you ask nicely and catch Levi on a good day he will serve you with his speciality called No regrets. Its smell will strike you with a sudden melancholy and when you drink it, it leaves you with a bittwersweet taste in your mouth.

The younglings don’t know that Levi secretly prepares some new flavors that he wants to name after them. Colossal tea is hot and spicy chilly drink with steam coming out of it and there is also a new blend that smells like stables - a special tea dedicated to Jean. There is one that smells like smoked meat and Levi thinks it would be suitable to name it the Braus special. There is also one special tea blend which is so strong that it almost blows your head off. Levi plays with a thought of naming it suicidal blockhead or a little brat. He thinks Hange would appreciate that joke. He plans to announce those new flavors next time he sees all of the kids again.

Since Reiner’s pottery business started booming, Levi asked him to make him two variations of teasets. You can now get a tea size human or titan. It’s a silly pun but everybody seems to like it.

Overall, the teahouse is a good place to be in and all the survivors visit everytime they get a chance. Armin and Annie promised to get there more one they finnish the wedding preparations. Reiner visits basically everyday after his work along with Onyankopon and they just sit there with Levi, drink tea and silently listen to Gabi and Falco who are always there with the newest town gossip. Also, Jean secretly plans to ask Pieck on a date there.

As for Levi, he likes the place enough. Yeah, it smells like shithole somethimes. But it’s a new home for him and it provides him with purpose and peace he never knew. In the room behind the teahouse he has a small bed and above it one more painting he commisioned. It’s a picture of a forrest cabbin with a women sitting in front of it. Levi insisted the artist painted her exactly like on Moblit’s sketches and he made the artist remake it several times until it was perfect. Everytime Levi looks at it it’s like a path to a different life, the one he could have taken but didn’t because the choice wasn’t really his. He doesn’t regret it though. He knows he will get there in time. But for now he has his teahouse. And with it finally, his new-found family and peace.

[spacefart-was-already-claimed]

rant abt fandom bullshit under the cuuuut

It’s so funny to me how whenever a character is confirmed aroace, people always crawl out of the woodwork being like “WELL NOT ALL ACES/AROS” and make sure to justify and woke-ify continuing to ship said character in romantic and sexual ways.

And like ... yes, IRL aroaces aren’t a monolith. Some might enjoy sex and relationships. But isn’t it odd how fandom spaces always hurry to justify their own obsession with said relationships and sexuality? Hurry to comfort each other, “no no don’t worry, you can still ship this and not be a bad person”. Like the character being aroace is just a bump in the road that one can circumvent with some clever wording and not-all-isms.

Aroace characters are never allowed to just be happy on their own, have fulfilling platonic and familial relationships and ONLY those. People must always find loopholes to circumvent what they are without coming off as “problematic” just so they can have their ships and their smut.

Some people even claim this makes them MORE woke and progressive, because wow, we just NEVER see aroace characters fucking, and aroace people are SO varied and multifaceted that we simply MUST make sure that ALL aroace characters FUCK because it’s SO PROGRESSIVE and REFLECTS REALITY! Where do y’all find these aroaces in media who don’t bone down, I wonder? Y’all must be lousy with them.

Daud from the Dishonored franchise is canonically ace and doesn’t have any interest in sex, but boy howdy does he and Corvo fuck a lot in fanon. Because remember, SOME ace people IRL fuck too. As long as we can use real ace ppl as an excuse, this fictional ace character who doesn’t want sex will have sex as we demand it!

Caduceus Clay from Critrole was recently confirmed aroace, but his tag is filled with people assuring each other that he and Fjord can still fuck and date! Even though Taliesin confirmed Cad has no interest in either of those things. But hey, real aroaces might! AROACES AREN’T A MONOLITH. So fictional aroaces get their shit wrecked for the enjoyment of, usually, people who are neither aro nor ace. Because aroaces are in desperate need of aroace characters who fuck, they’re just SO tired of aroace characters who don’t fuck or have relationships.

I’ve even seen Cad’s aro status being called “a cop-out” because now Fjorclay can’t be real, and they tied it to a problem of representation, because obviously aroaces are just drowning in it. I’ve seen people go “I’m not aroace but I know some aroaces enjoy relationships and sex so continue shipping Cad!”. (Also, a friend pointed this out: Tal is bi, idk why he’d want an “out” of portraying an MLM relationship.)

Imagine a character canonically saying “I have no interest in sex” and their creator confirming “he doesn’t want relationships either”, and then going “well some IRL people do, so I will pretend he will do both.” So when an aroace person tells you they have no interest in sex/relationships, will you go “well some aroace people do, so you must too, maybe you’ll enjoy it”? Because that’s essentially what you’re saying.

I’m sure some aroaces are okay with this. But what about those who aren’t? What about IRL aroaces who DON’T want relationships? Imagine them seeing how their scarce representation gets ignored in fandom in favor of more romance and sex. To be reminded that unless you fuck and/or date someone, you’re not interesting, or lovable, or worth writing about? Imagine going into the tags of characters who are supposed to represent them, and see nothing but ship art and smut fic and headcanons about dating?

I’ve seen plenty of aroaces going “no everyone it’s okay, I’ll allow it!!” but I have yet to see any saying “no, this makes me uncomfortable and I wish it was different”. And you know why? Probably because they’re scared of what fandom reaction will be. Probably because they’re tired and have seen this shit happening so many times already. Probably because they know they’ll be called out for “not speaking for every aro/ace”. So they’re just sitting in silence, feeling like ass because everyone else is totally okay with seeing people like them doing things they don’t want to do, because other people want them to do it.

IDK. Just a funny trend. If you’re not aroace yourself, maybe examine your need to justify and excuse your continued shipping of a character who explicitly doesn’t want sex or relationships.

[some-dr-writings]

v3 girls x SHSL Toy Maker

Kaede Akamatsu:

·       Your girlfriend loved your toys. She’d always gush over them and would so happily watch as you worked away on any project without a care in the world. Her favorites though were the wooden ones, just seeing how you chiseled, sanded and worked with the wood was just so interesting to her.

·       Obviously, you gave her a toy piano for her birthday once, and it immediately was her most cherished possession. It was tiny, just big enough to be played with one hand, so Kaede took it wherever she went, keeping it close as a reminder of you and her most favorite thing in the world. It actually took her quite a bit of time to get used to it, but once she had mastered it, she’d play it whenever she wanted should there not be a piano around.

·       “Hey, how’s my pianist do- oh?” As you entered the dressing room you found Kaede playing you little toy piano. “Ah, Y/N! I thought no one aside from the performers were allowed backstage.” “Yeah… but who ever said I wouldn’t break the rules. I just had to come see you before the recital!” You eagerly sat beside her, just needing to get closer to that entrancing smile. “Getting in some extra practice before the big performance?” “Actually, no.” “Hmm?” She sheepishly laughed, holding your little piano close. “Just calming my nerves. Since I thought I couldn’t have you by my side, I started playing your piano. It’s helped a lot.” It became a tradition for Kaede to play you piano before any performance. It was able to calm her no matter what song she played on it.

·       Whenever it was out of tune, even just a little she’d immediately take it to you for repairs. It was usually a quick fix, but she still loved watching you work away on repairing it.

·       You also began making little music boxes for yourself. Though not pianos, you placed in Kaede’s favorite songs and before going to sleep, would wind one and have it play should the pair of you be apart. Sometime you’d even send her one so she’d know you were thinking of her.

    Kirumi Tojo:

·       Like for everyone else, she wanted to be our maid and assist you in whatever way she could and help you become even greater than you already were. “Oh, uh… Sorry, but I don’t need anything. I won’t want much either. I’ve heard how people you work for become amazing and stuff, but… I’m happy with my simply life. I don’t want it to get any greater than this. Honestly, only reason I came to Hope’s Peak is so I’d have an excuse to make more toys without my guardians telling me to study more. I’d be happy to be your friend though! Are there any toys you liked as a kid, I know I could make a nice one for you!” On occasion you’d amuse Kirumi and accept her assistance, but for the most part you’d simply decline and ask if you could make anything for her.

·       Kirumi truly just enjoyed helping others, there was nothing else she wanted so it seemed no toy would be of satisfaction to her, only after getting together did you finally come up with something. “A doll?” “Yeah! If somehow you can’t find anything to do for anyone, you can serve the doll. Its pockets are filled with requests for you to do for it, and if this doesn’t feel like real requests to do for you, I request that you care for the doll when you have nothing else to take care of!” “I will do my utmost to fulfill your wish.” You didn’t think Kirumi would actually play with the doll, but the smile on her face at finally receiving a request from you was enough to make you know it was worth it.

·       Surprisingly on occasion you would see Kirumi entertaining the doll, whether it be it be having tea parties, or one of the many other requests you had written down. You eventually found out that no matter where Kirumi went, she took the doll with her in case she had a moment of free time she could dedicate to it. You were her partner after all, though she did so for everyone, for you especially she wanted to complete your requests to the best of her abilities. And thought it never came up in conversation, she always had it around because she liked having something you had placed so much time and effort into just for her nearby.

   Himiko Yumeno:

·       Both being entertainers of sorts you both immediately clicked, you both loved making others smile and bringing joy to them through your work.

·       Not only did you and Himiko become romantic partners but business partners as well, you making and selling various toys based off of Himiko, her magic, and of her ‘familiar’ as well. They were a big hit with both children and adults. Sometimes you and Himiko would have long discussions bouncing ideas off one another about what toys to make next. An action figure? A wand? Perhaps some stuffies or a magic broom stick? On occasion one of you would start to go more abstract like suggest something like a pinball machine or soundboard, maybe even a skateboard. Sometimes it became a sort of competition for who could come up with the most outlandish, yet realistic and feasible items to make and sell.

·       Often you’d spend your time whittling away making toys for Himiko, she rather enjoyed them, no matter what they may be. She also liked watching you make them. You were so skilled with those fingers and many other things like woodworking, sewing, painting, and other such things. Sometimes she’d toy with the idea of you being her assistant.

·       You always had Himiko test your toys to make sure they worked properly if they were more electronic in nature or some such.

·       You both liked doing whatever you could to support one another through your own pursuits, you were simply great partners for one another.

   Maki Harukawa:

·       Being with you always felt… nostalgic to her, especially when you made toys for younger children. How you were so tender, kind, and respectful to them, you reminded her of how many of the older kids at the orphanage acted when they weren’t tired and annoyed at having to be babysitters all the time.

·       You had taken to making and donating toys to orphanages, mostly to the one Maki was from though. You were only one person so you couldn’t make many too quickly, but what you did make was durable and could last for several generations while still being fun and not needing too much maintenance.

·       You also gave Maki toys on occasion and would play with them with her. Since she had to spend most of her childhood training you wanted to give her a little something to let her indulge in just being carefree for a time. She cherished these gifts and moments almost more than anything else. Being with you was always just so nice and peaceful.

·       You taught Maki a few things like how to sew. It took a long time, there were many failed attempts and bleeding fingers, but she eventually got the hang of it. She’d sometimes help you with your projects or even repair some of the kids’ clothes, it started with simple things like you asking her to connect two basic pieces or her adding a patch to some pants, eventually though she was able to do more complicated things. She made a doll for you and a few for the kids. In return for all that you had taught her, Maki would teach you self-defense. Though unlikely it was not impossible for a person to attack you one day so she wanted you to be safe. In her line of work, she couldn’t be attached to anyone, but now you and Kaito and Shuichi and others were in your life, she had connections to people she wanted to be around, so even if it wasn’t much, even if it wasn’t enough to save you should you become an assassin’s target, you could at least not be too troubled by our average crook.

·       You were her irreplaceable partner, she adored you, and for as long as she could, she’d keep you as close as she could, just making little toys with you.

   Tenko Chabashira:

·       She adored everything you made, gushing over how adorable it all was. And she showed every last toy off, much to your embarrassment at times. She was rather loud with her affection, making it so that the whole world knew. Even complete strangers would know the pair of you were partners and that according to your girlfriend, you made the best toys the world had ever known.

·       Often Tenko would drag Himiko into testing your latest creations in order to make sure they worked correctly.

·       Tenko insisted that you teach her how to make toys and she teach you Neo Akkido. She’d say that learning her form of Akkido would help you be a better toy maker, and her learning how to make toys would help her improve her Neo Akkido.  You had no idea how in the world this could work, but just about any excuse to spend more time with your girlfriend was a good excuse in your book, so you eagerly agreed…

·       The training was much more than you expected. She didn’t teach you anything and just went straight to fighting you full force, and you just had to make up your own form to keep up and avoid getting too injured, but you did learn how to fight so her training did work.

·       You were much more gentle when it came to teaching her though her energy and enthusiasm could cause problems at times like accidentally knocking over items and the like. At least it was still fun.

·       Being together could be rather chaotic at times, but it was well worth it.

   Tsumugi Shirogane:

·       Your friendship began with a bet and through it a more romantic relationship bloomed. Tsumugi was showing off a very expensive, limited edition figure she had just gotten in the mail. “Wait, how expensive? But it’s so cheap! You should get your money back, or at least at a discounted price.” Obviously, this comment ticked off the girl, and a bet was made, if you could make a figure of the same character of higher quality that could simultaneously be less expensive from the cost of materials, you prove your point, if not you’d have to apologize to Tsumugi.

·       Not only did you win the bet, Tsumugi absolutely loving your figure, but you had also accidentally won her heart in the process.

·       Tsumugi still bought merchandise of her favorite anime and you always made such things for her despite that, though she did teach you why the official merchandise was so important to her. Often you’d end up analyzing the items whether they still be in the package or not, differing what it’s true price would be without the brand association. If it didn’t match you’d make your own version for Tsumugi which happened more often than not, but the few times you deemed the product worth the price it was a pleasant surprise.

·       Being deft at sewing and many other skills you often assisted Tsumugi in making her cosplays! She even convinced you to indulge in her passion as well. You much preferred making them, and seeing others wear them, but play-acting as the characters could be fun.

·       Sometimes when Tsumugi was at cons or other such similar events, she’d send you toy she found that you might like or might inspire your work. She’d also send you materials for your work, maybe even have you keep some for her own work.

·       Sometimes you’d watch whatever anime Tsumugi was most recently obsessed with when she was away. It was something to remind you of her in particularly lonely moments. Tsumugi would do something similar, play with the toys you had given her.

·       Though things could be rocky on occasion, you were able to work things out and you couldn’t want for another partner.

   Angie Yonaga:

·       “Oh my, how divine! I’m sure Atua has blessed you for such wondrous art!”

·       Angie completely adored and whole heartedly loved your toys, always calling them your art. Whenever she found you working, she always left you be as to not distract you, knowing she’d want you to do the same if she were working on her art. She’d even go out of her way to get more materials for you if she had noticed if you were starting to run low or if you were using one particular material a lot for a time. If any of your tools broke or needed repair, she already knew just the place to get another one of high quality.

·       As one ‘blessed by Atua’ you were the only person she allowed to be in the same room with her as she worked, as long as you were working as well. This was for two reasons, one, to not distract her and two, so that Atua may take possession of you too and help make your creations even more wonderful!

·       Though she never needed inspiration, because she had Atua, she would go walking around town with you to do whatever, giving you a new change of pace, which would hopefully help you get out of your rut and be filled with new creativity to create more!

·       Even with her colorful background, she understood you more than most others ever could when it came to your work. She would do anything to assist you, because aside from her god, you were the person she loved most.

   Miu Iruma:

·       “Hey, you’re the toy maker, right?” “Yes?” “You can make adult toys, right?” “What do you take me for!?... Of course I can!” “Oh ho ho, This’ll be fun!”

·       Miu was certainly an interesting client turned partner. Whatever you made, she wanted to add improvements to it, no matter how off the wall it may be. She was in inventor after all so tinkering with toys likely just came naturally to her.

·       What you did find surprising though is that she never wanted you to make anything sexual for her. She never admitted it directly, but she always just wanted normal toys. Model train sets, bouncy balls, remote control cars, simple things like those. Often, she’d end up ‘enhancing’ them in her own way, yet still, she wouldn’t ask for anything else. For as lewd and crude as she could be there was something about her that was also young at heart in a way, in fact that could be why she was so loud and overconfident much of the time. But then you’d remember that you’re teenagers and you were sounding like an older person with this line of thinking and would stop yourself.

·       Miu would insist on working in her lab so she could make tweaks to your designs as you were making them. Things usually got out of hand like making a toy robot that could turn into a cannon and shoot fireworks, or it’d have rocket fists powerful enough to knock out a full grown, healthy adult. Not long after making such items Kokichi would pop up, asking to borrow your toys, and who were you to deny him, toys were meant to be played with, and inevitably not long later you’d hear of Kokichi’s latest prank involving whatever toy Kokichi had borrowed from you and Miu, often getting a laugh out of her.

·       Things usually got out of hand rather quickly when you were with one another, but it was a fun, calm sort of chaos

[carpsurprise]

bro 👁👁 if u wanna talk more abt jodi and her parenting i would LOVE to hear it :D honestly you worded it much better than i could asdmsbf ty!!

THANK U SO MUCH IVE BEEN DYING TO TALK ABOUT THIS FOR A HOT MINUTE ok im gonna bleed this in with some of MY headcanons personally and some of the canon dialogue!! i’ll bold my headcanons so its easier to differentiate what im talkin about bopbop also this is SO long im sorry

also this makes it seem like i don’t like jodi i do!! (thats my mom in law hehe) but like... just some of the stuff she says points to deeper insecurity issues. 

so in short: this is kind of a jodi analysis.

it’s def touched upon by multiple people that she doesn’t seem happy (her dialogue is full of ‘i wants’ and ‘i wishes) but i do think that’s not entirely the case, it’s just a classic mother thing to feel sort of (lack of a better word) trapped into motherhood and her responsibilities. and i def think kent being away probably worsened that.

with kent being away she was pretty much a single mother, and as seen in sam’s canon character, he has to do a lot to make up for kent’s absence... financially and emotionally, for both her and vince. vince needs a positive male figure to look up to to inspire him to be the best he can be, and jodi needs stability and help with her own responsibilities. sam tries to fulfill all of that and even some of his marriage dialogue (and his three heart event) it definitely puts stress on him.

so, sam tries his best! but in some dialogue and sam’s heart events you can see she still gets on him for things that makes him like :/ she still views him as a child occasionally despite being a full adult who is also sorta-parenting vincent, acting as some sort of doing-good role model for him, and i believeeee he says he tries to be his best specifically for vincent’s growth.

jodi still treats vincent like a child, but she still treats him better than she treats sam often. which kinda ties into the point i made about sam being the trial/error kid. i’ve headcanoned and i’ve seen others also say that kent and jodi got married straight out of high school. u kno typical military stuff. this also kind of explains her sort of ‘trapped feeling’ dialogue since it seems like she didn’t get much time to explore the world or maybe even explore herself as an individual. caroline likes gardening, marnie loves animals to death, and robin knows woodworking/a trade but jodi... just has regular ‘housewife’ things like cooking and cleaning.

^ like this doesn’t sound like someone who had a CHOICE in what her life has turned out to be. and i think sam got the BRUNT of that.

and here ^ she’s kind of immature in some of her dialogue, esp since (like u said in ur post!!) that sam caught on to it and has reacted negatively to it. i would venture to a point and say she most likely suffered with post-partum depression for sam especially if she felt trapped with kent as she does in game. i def think that with this and in canon, sam was probably used as her guinea pig for parenting. obviously no one is a natural born mother but if kent had just gone away in the military and she had sam, i can definitely see where some resentment for kent and sam would come in... along with resentment for herself for getting herself into that situation.

which that kind of train of thought could be an explanation for some of her self-deprecating/wants and wishes dialogue. once the issues of raising sam had kinda smoothed out, and he became old enough to realize exactly what was going on with his father/the war and his mother’s reactions to that stress, she probably already figured out how to parent vincent. esp since sam and vincent seem so similar (adhd imo) what didn’t work with sam jodi was able to figure out.

but going back to how she treats sam! i do think she would still kind of hold some resentment. obviously she loves sam but she still views him as a child, despite how mature he really is... like in his marriage dialogue and his three heart event. i honestly think his whole sunshine/golden retriever boy personality is ofc true but. partially true. i think he does it as a save face for how he really feels, which is anxious (about his fathers return and vincent growing up).

but one of the first tags i put! def more headcanon-y just from the stuff i mentioned above. jodi definitely gives me the ‘weaponizes basic needs’ in an argument type of mom. u kno the whole “i feed you, you have a roof over your head, i put clothes on your back” kind of manipulation. which.. yeah jodi you should! i think she’s very insecure about herself and very anxious over her situation and is at a constant state of trying to prove to herself her own worth. like.. the only thing she is/does is be a mother so when sam (or not so often vincent) fuck up, she takes it personally because raising those two is the only thing she really does. if she sees herself as a failure there... then what as she spent her life doing (instead of travelling/having hobbies/etc)

kids naturally fuck up she learned through sam!! one of the things my mother told me all the time while growing up was that it was “her first time ever being a mother” and i think jodi would honestly... have those same thoughts. she’s tired and overworked and on top of that has to raise two boys as a ‘single mother’. i think she’d snap easily on sam from too much pressure, whether he was younger (by accident) or as he got older (on purpose). it seems like there’s little room for accidents on anyone else’s part in her house.

like sam’s four heart event. ignoring the obvious why-the-hell-are-you-handing-me-an-egg issue, sam very obviously drops the egg on accident, and jodi storms in and creates an issue out of it. which... it’s an accident. it seems out of character for sam to drop the egg on purpose and cause an issue for his MOTHER. obviously he does stuff that makes lewis mad on purpose, but he doesn’t do stuff like that to jodi. but she still gets upset over... his hand slipping.

and his ten heart event. why don’t we talk about that more often? from her dialogue its hinted at that she thought he was ... y’know... but still had said if i recall correctly!! “i’m coming in”. there was no question and it gives sam no option to tell her no. so it seems she has that kind of ‘control’ in their house where she can just invade sam’s privacy (granted.. she knocked but still) even when she thought he was doing THAT. idk i don’t like the “i’m coming in”... it seems like she is not giving sam the further consent for her to enter his room (or private space)

ok this is long i need to wrap this up but bottom line she loves her kids. of course she does! but i think sam definitely gets treated ‘worse’ and kinda has as the firstborn/oldest. jodi, with her kids, finally has some control of her life back since she is their mother and they have to listen to her. she doesn’t know exactly what she’s doing still, and once one of the boys (sam) messes up she takes it as a personal attack since the One thing she does in her life is be a mother. this was very long but thank u !!!! i love doing a lil character analysis

[your-eternal-muse]

Only If You Knew

Heather Series Part Two

Part One

Summery: A Few months have passed, and reader is struggling with letting go of the fact that Spencer never really was hers.

Words: 1.2K

Warnings: Mild Swearing, angst, but other than that, nothing much

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Heather, Spencer Reid x Eventual Female!Reader

A/N: Hi. So I know I said I would post part three to use me before I would post this part, but I have absolutely no self control and so here I am. I was up until 4:30 yesterday morning writing because I couldn't get it out of my head. Also, for right now, because I'm posting this on Mobile, it won't have a keep reading link, but when I get home from work, I will put one in to make everyone's life easier. How the fuck do you put a keep reading link on mobile? Anyway, this is un-beta'd so, sorry if there are any mistakes. I hope you enjoy!

I wished falling out of love was as easy as falling into it. I wish I could just wake up one morning and not think about what might be going on across the city, inside his apartment in the early morning light, while he lays next to her.

    It’s been almost 8 months since Heather walked into my life and promptly took away the only thing I had ever really hoped for.

    I guess I can’t really blame her for the way that I’m feeling. 

    I was the one who waited too long to share her secret.

    It may be 8 months for me, but for heather, it’s been sixteen. 

    She had him wrapped around her pretty polished finger for 8 months, and I didn’t even notice.

    In retrospect it was quite obvious.

    The way he would smile down at his phone, how he would duck out of celebrations of a job well done, even the amount of coffee he drank diminished as she made him coffee at home.

    I don’t know how I didn’t realize, that he was never really mine.

    But I can’t let him know that. 

    I can’t let anyone know that.

    The only person who will ever know of my unrequited love of Spencer Reid, will be the devil on my shoulder, and I plan on him dying with me when the time comes.

    I’m Spencer's friend first and foremost. His best friend.

    That’s the reason I’m sitting across from him in a booth at a restaurant for our weekly lunch, listening to him gush about her for the thousandth time. 

    And all I can do is smile and nod, pretending to be utterly fascinated by the stories of her teachings, or how she makes domestic life seem so much better than what he thought.

    But that damn devil on my shoulder is making it a lot harder to fake being happy for my friend. 

    Because instead of looking interested, like I’m supposed to be, a dopey grin is smeared across my face, and I’m looking at Spencer like he’s the entire universe wrapped up into a perfect little specimen.

    The devil is making me notice the way his hands move so effortlessly, how the words slip off his tongue and between his lips.

    How his eyes never quite land on one certain thing before moving onto another object.

    That is, until his eyes meet mine.

    “Sorry, I’m rambling again aren’t I?” A blush covers his face, one that doesn’t ever really leave anymore.

    I blink, and sit back in my seat, trying not to make it obvious how insanely in my own head I was. 

    “I will never, ever, get tired of your rambling, Spence.” I take a sip of my sweet tea, to try and coat my throat which has now gone dry. “I’ve told you before, and I’ll tell you again, I’m like, 98% sure that I’ve learned more from you in the past 7 years, than I learned from every teacher I had in the 16 years of schooling I went through.”

    “I need to work on that 2%.”

    He smiles, pushing some of his hair out of his face. It’s getting long again, and I can’t really say I mind it.

    “Heather thinks I should become a professor.” 

    I substitute biting my tongue for a fry, and think of what to say while I chew and swallow.

    “You’d be the most interesting professor those students will have ever met. Not to mention you’d probably get more women interested in the field.”

    The words slipped out before I realized I had even said them, but it was too late. 

    He had heard.

    “What do you mean?” he looks genuinely confused at the statement, like he doesn’t realize how fucking attractive he is.

    Best friends hype each other up, right? So it’s not weird for me to tell him he’s one of the most attractive people I’ve ever seen?

    “Are you kidding me Spence?” I lean forward, onto my elbows which are resting on the table in front of me. “Hun, you’re a piece of eye candy. Morgan doesn’t call you ‘pretty boy’ for nothing.”

    I steal a fry from his plate, since mine are all gone, and I need something in my mouth so I don’t talk myself into my own grave.

    “I guess I never really thought about it like that.” He runs his hands through his hair and leans back against the booth. “I haven’t really had the best luck with women, and them finding me attractive.”

    Well, those women are either stupid, or blind, because honey, excuse my language, you are a FINE piece of ass.

    But out of the woodworks, as if she had been listening to our conversation, his phone lights up with a picture of her, and a heart by her name.

    His mood instantly changes, as if her calling reminded him that it didn’t matter if no one else thought he was attractive, as long as she did.

    He slides his finger across the screen and holds it up to his ear. He’s quiet when he speaks.

    “Hi baby.”

    My stomach does somersaults as I make myself busy, stacking our now empty plates at the end of the table, and wiping salt from the top into my palm.

    I force myself to not hear his end of the conversation, the way he pauses and smiles as he listens to what she has to say, like she's the most interesting person in the world.

    The call ends right after the bill comes back, and I take my card out, placing it back into my purse.

    “I told you I would pay this time.” He’s embarrassed, clearly not wanting the call to have lasted how long it did. 

    I brush it off, shoving the annoyance back down my throat. “You can pay next week, loverboy.”

    He nods, sliding out of his booth, as I follow suit. 

    We exit the restaurant, and prepare to leave our separate ways, leaving me to go back to a lonely apartment, where reruns of The Nanny don’t even make me laugh.

    We never leave without a hug, though.

    Oh how I love his hugs. 

    How he wraps his arms around my waist, nuzzling his face into my shoulder and the crook of my neck, while I hold my arms around his shoulders, and just hold him. 

    It’s a hug purely reserved for Derek, JJ, Emily, Hotch, Penelope, and me.

    It’s what I call a home hug. 

    A hug that feels like home. 

    And it always reminds me that while I may not have him how I want him, I still have him. And that’s not something that's ever going to change.

    It helps that I know he doesn’t hug Heather this way, at least not out in public. 

    It makes me feel like I have something to hold over her.

    Does he hug you like you’re the only person who matters in that moment?

    That fucking devil usually pops up than, and whispers to me no, but he probably kisses her like she is.

    When we break, I almost forget that he’s going back to her apartment, and not his own.

    We leave with promises of seeing each other at work, and we walk opposite directions down the street. 

    I stop for a moment, turn back, and just watch him walk.

    Walk away from me.

    And towards her.

    Lucky bitch.

Permanent Taglist: @criminalcow @pinkdiamond1016 @eternityofaxiom @you-had-me-at-hello-dear @marvels-gurl @theamuz @write-from-the-heart @sungieeeeeee @mjloveskids666 @chococereal @itzsoff @gia-kerks @doctorspencereid @imsuperawkward

Heather Taglist: @drsoftboyreid @lindaze @urie-bowie-mercury @racerparker @avaholcombe @rodgertayloroof @stephanieisgay330 @swiftspaperings

[something-fanfiction-ie]

Guardian Angel

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of abuse of kidnapping. Again, details of murder/crime scenes, curse words.

A/N: Hello, hello, hello! So, again, I find myself having to cut this in half. I originally planned on the team getting to you at this point in the story but I got a little carried away. I’ve been thinking about this series so much that it’s ridiculous. Low-key wish I’d been able to direct a CM episode like this. The things I could do with a camera... solely focused on Matthew for a 45 minute episode. Heh. Anyways, remember to like, comment, reblog, send me asks, and basically do the job of producing serotonin for me like my brain is supposed to do naturally. Thank you so much for sticking around and I’ll be sure to get the next part out to you ASAP!

___

[ Part One | Part Two | Part Three ]

It was hours later before Spencer felt the incessant buzzing of his phone against his thigh.

Immediately annoyed and already tired of the day, he didn’t even bother to look at the caller ID before sending it straight to voicemail. Blindly, he rummaged around in the bottom of his satchel for his keys. Spots danced across the back of his left eyelid as he tried to rub the exhaustion away.

Everything about today had been awful. From finding out the girl of his dreams, who he had only known for three weeks, mind you, could be a serial killer to the fact that, without you, nothing made any sense in this case. Even if you weren’t the unsub, you were an integral piece to finding out who was.

After you had left the office earlier this afternoon, Spencer had made it his mission to investigate every other person connected to you. He’d even gone so far as to track down your father to the other side of the globe, having somehow made his way to Europe in order to stay out of you and your mother’s lives.

Try as he might, every possible lead led to a brick wall spray painted to say, ‘She’s the killer.’ Having spent most of the day trying to convince himself that you were the unsub, he was tired of fighting his instincts for fear of compromising himself. Something wasn’t right in this investigation and he just couldn’t figure out what it was.

When his phone started to buzz again as he pushed the key into the key hole, he couldn’t help the sudden surge of anger that seemed to take over his body. Hastily yanking one hand from the door, he reaches into his pocket and presses the answering button.

“Hello, this is Dr. Reid.” His tone is harsh and mechanically echoes back into his ear. Whoever is on the other side of the line is quiet for one second, then two. For five seconds no one responds and Spencer has the time to balance the phone between his cheek and his shoulder so that he could go about removing his bag and shuffling into his car.

“You really thought it was her, didn’t you, Dr. Reid?” Although the natural pitch of the voice suggests a woman, or maybe even a young boy, there is an underlying tone that suggests that it’s a man. Spencer is frozen in place, his bag sitting in the passenger seat of his car, one hand on the inside of the door and the other on the steering wheel.

Slowly, he reaches up to relieve his shoulder from the duty of holding his phone, his long fingers curling around the device. His eyes squinted, the way they usually did when he was thinking. With his other hand, nervously, he reaches up to push away a curl that has escaped from behind his ear.

“Who is this?” He regrets the question the moment it falls from his lips. Someone who has gone the painstaking lengths that this man has gone through to keep himself out of the investigation would not simply reveal his identity when no one even had a suspicion of him.

“Wrong question, Doctor. Try again.” Swallowing past the lump that has started to form in his throat, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the action, Spencer stretches back across the driver seat of his car to grab his bag. The leather strap digs into the palm of his hand and he drags it toward him, feeling like he was stuck on rewind as he goes about undoing everything he’d just done.

“What do you want?” The click of the door lock is the only sound for three seconds before the man responds again, a sadistic excitement escalating the pitch of his voice.

“Out of life? From a specific restaurant? Be specific in your questioning, Doctor.” He laughs a little breathlessly. In the moments where he doesn’t talk, Spencer strains to hear anything that could help him, but he can’t even hear the guy breathe let alone identify background noise.

“What is your purpose in calling me?” Getting back into the building is a hassle while on the phone, but he manages it nonetheless. There would be no sleeping tonight after a call like this. The elevator button glows a pale yellow as Spencer stabs it with one of his long fingers. For now they are steady, his hands that is, but the full effect of what is happening and what it means hasn’t actually hit him full force yet.

“To inform you of two things; the first being that you are wrong. I killed all those people and I killed them because of you.” The breath in his throat hitches. All of his worst dreams and nightmares have come crawling out of the woodworking and across his skin like thousands of tiny spiders.

“The second being that I’ll be hanging out with our mutual friend for a while, so you may not see her for a little bit.” There is a creaking of a door before he hears you. Your voice is already hoarse from screaming and the sound of restraints clacking against a concrete flooring puts the picture of you in a dungeon deep into his head.

“Spencer?! Spencer his name i-” The sound of a hand making contact with skin makes Spencer’ blood boil with rage.

Curling into the corner of the elevator, hunching his shoulders into himself and covering an ear with the palm of his opposite hand, Spencer speaks slowly and deliberately into the speaker.

“Do not touch her.” The man on the line chuckles, reaching out to run a finger along the edge of your jawline. You snatch your head away, your slapped cheek already turning pink, and push back against the wall.

“I’m afraid it’s already too late for that. Happy hunting.” The doors of the elevator open as soon as the line goes dead. Everything in Spencer kicks into overdrive, his mind flying so fast that he could barely manage to keep up with it himself.

Hotch, ready to leave for the day, stands in the opening. The tired look in eyes only grows when he sees the young profiler standing in his way, his face drained of blood and his phone still desperately clutched to his ear.

“What’s happened?”

Not so far away, the door to the empty, concrete basement shuts you in by yourself. Around your ankle is a handcuff attached to a car chain that is anchored to the floor. If you crawl to it, dragging your injured leg behind you, you can see the shoddy soldering done to create this makeshift dungeon.

In the corner is a mattress with a thin cotton blanket probably from dollar general or somewhere equally as cheap. A lamp sits beside it, the wooden bottom nailed into the floor to keep you from using it as a weapon. The only other thing is a wooden chair that is planced just below a high rectangle window. A couple of desperate shakes against the leg confirms that it is also nailed to the floor.

With nothing of use, save maybe the blanket, you go about taking a collection of your injuries.

The top of your head is leaking a steady stream of blood that drips down the side of your face and sticks your hair to your cheek. The sight of so much blood coming from your head is alarming at first, but just as quickly as you started to panic, you remember that head wounds can bleed quite a lot. No matter how small.

On the opposite side as your head injury is a deep cut on your cheekbone. It has stopped bleeding, dry blood clogged around the torn skin and flaking along your cheek when you run your finger over it.

Your thigh is a different issue all together, the knife wound throbbing with pain no matter how you shift or apply pressure. You’ve coated your hands in gloves made of your own blood trying to staunch the bleeding, hissing and whimpering the whole time.

All three injuries had happened in a matter of minutes, starting with the knife to your thigh.

You drove for an hour and a half toward nowhere in particular, only pulling off the road when the gun jammed into your neck and Harvey snapped at you from the back.

“Turn right on the dirt road.” The tiny car bumped and bounced around the dirt and gravel, driving straight for another fifteen minutes. You were surrounded by nothing but trees and hills and although you’d been familiar with the area where you’d pulled off the road, you weren’t sure where you were.

When the gun jammed back into your neck and Harvey screamed for you to stop, you slammed so hard on the brakes that he rocked forward and hit his head on the back of the passenger seat. The crunch of his breaking nose was sickening to your ears, but the bite of the seat belt digging into your collarbone and neck was enough to keep you from vomiting.

“You bitch!” He cried, the hand not holding a gun to your neck flew up to catch the blood that fell from his nose. Despite his attempts, a drop or two still managed to fall to the floor and soak into the fabric. His DNA would be on this car, you could only hope that he was in some sort of system. Even now, after everything you’d been through today, you still trusted the team of FBI Agents to find you before it was too late.

The safety on the gun made a clicking noise, your entire body freezing in place as you looked at everything around you. You were in a big dirt field, trees surrounding a patch of land that may have once been the grounds for a home. Now, only your car, a red SUV, and red soil were the only things there to see.

Harvey moved around in the back seat, you could see him in your rear view mirror as he pulled tissues from his pocket and shoved them into his broken nose. When he was finished he pulled out a pocket knife. His eyes were two beady slits of black as he met your gaze in the mirror.

“We’re going to get out of this car, and get into that car right over there. I’ll get in the driver’s seat, and you get in the trunk. Understood?” Sweat slicked your hair to your temples as you shook your head, your grip on the steering wheel so tight that your fingertips had started to tingle.

“You aren’t a good shot, Harvey. The moment we get out of this car, I’ll run.” The knife in his hand popped to attention at your words, gleaming in the sunlight. Somehow, it was only four o’clock in the afternoon and you had already been through hell.

“You won’t be able to.” He said, his hand shooting forward and sinking into your leg. Through the shock of it all, you’d barely felt it even after he pulled the bloody knife back and flipped it shut. You gaped at the wound, watching as the blood seeped out, soaked into your pants, and smeared onto the leather covering of your seat.

The back door opened, the car still alive and thrumming underneath you as he hurried over to your side of the car. You didn’t think, you just acted, throwing the car out of park and letting the adrenaline pumping through your veins mask the pain it caused you to slam on the gas.

Maybe you would have made it, drove out of here and been able to make it to a hospital before you bled out in your own car, but it had been raining nearly nonstop for three weeks and your car was not made to go fast in mud. Your tires spun long enough for Harvey to throw your door open and slam the butt of his gun into your head, causing your face to slam into the steering wheel and render you unconscious.

By the time you came back to yourself, Harvey had been carrying you down the steps and into a basement or cellar of some kind. You had no idea where you were or how long you had been out, only that your entire body was sore and cold.

“Ah, you’re awake. Good. I wanted to apologize about earlier, you just made me a little angry. But we’re better now. I even took those bloody clothes off you. I’ve got your room made up for you and if you’re good, I might let you talk to a friend of ours.” His tone is cheerful, his dark eyes complimenting the dark bags underneath them.

Harvey had been in several of your classes when you went to Georgetown, a friendly face amongst all the older kids who used to sneer at you when you tried to do anything. You wouldn’t actually say you were friends, just two people who were kind to each other. Later, once you parted ways after graduation, he became the personal assistant of your agent. He told you he was just trying to make ends meet while he was going back to school for his masters. It was such a surprise to see you again!

Then last month he quit after the death of his mother, thanking your agent for the experience and moving back to whatever town it was he used to lived in that you never bothered to ask about. Agents have multiple clients, yours was no exception, so you thought nothing of the change in personal assistants based solely on the fact that you barely noticed. Her life didn’t revolve around you and yours didn’t revolve around her.

But now, locked in a basement wearing nothing but your underwear and a tank top, blood soaking through a bandage around your thigh, with the really cute man you’d based a character on believing that you were a serial killer, you wish you’d noticed him more.

...

Garcia was the one to suggest looking at the security footage of the parking lot. She’d been clacking away on her tablet and trying to not seem disappointed about being dragged back to the BAU so quickly, when someone asked where you would have gone from here.

“What if he took her from here?” Everyone had looked at her with varying degrees of peculiar looks. Someone being kidnapped from the parking lot of a building full of FBI Agents? It would be comical if kidnappings weren’t a serious issue. Ironic. That’s the word Penelope was looking for. It was ironic.

“I mean, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to look at the security footage but her lawyer walked her to her car, it was broad daylight. What are the-” Prentiss’ mouth snaps shut and her lips purse just a little when Penelope brings up the video on the big screen.

Just thirty minutes before you walk outside, a small and stocky figure jimmies open your back door and slides in. He must slide to the passenger side of the backseat because he disappears from view. While he isn’t dressed in an extremely unusual manner, the hat and the black hoodie he is wearing help to hide his identity from the camera hanging over him.

Fast forward thirty minutes and all eyes trained to you as you drop your keys and bend to pick them up. Guilt hits every single member on the team, Spencer probably more than the rest, when they watch your head drop into your hands once you’re in the confines of your car.

An arm extends across the backseat, coming into view of the camera as the unsub presses a gun into your neck. In a matter of fourty-five seconds, you start the car and pull out of the parking spot.

“So we can rule out Jeremy.” Spencer says plainly, shuffling the papers in front of him as he thinks. Across the table Hotch nods his head in agreement. Jeremy was tall, maybe an inch shorter than Spencer, and he while he had an athletic build it was more lean muscle than the wide and stocky build the unsub had.

Penelope is quick to gather her things and head for her office, already planning on trying to follow your path through traffic cameras. It would be a grueling process, but it was the least she could do after digging through your life to, unintentionally, frame you for eight murders you didn’t commit.

“We interviewed everyone she has a connection to, in state or not. She’s an extremely low-risk victim, her circles don’t run that big.” Morgan has his own tablet pulled into his lap and he tilts his chair this way and that. A coin weaves in and out of his fingers and his forehead wrinkles as he goes over the list in his mind.

“Then we’ve already talked to our unsub, we just have to figure out which one it was.”

The first names to go are those out of state; your mother, your father, your best friend, and a handful of people you were connected to through the publishing firm. While the remaining names are few in numbers, it still puts Spencer on edge. They didn’t have the kind of time to be wasting energy of persons of interest, they needed one name identifying their unsub.

Nevertheless, the names are split amongst the group of profilers who work tirelessly through the night. The sun soon rises and glares through the window of the BAU conference room, putting Spencer Reid right into it’s spotlight.

There are bags under his eyes, eyes that take longer to open every time he blinks. He’s read the same paragraph eight different times, his cheek perched against the heel of his palm and his elbow propped on the tabletop. When he pushes back from the table, taking the file with him as he tries to walk away the exhaustion, it isn’t for the first time that night.

All he can think about is that final look you gave him as you walked out the door. It was a look of complete and utter betrayal, like you’d been trying to convince yourself that he was somehow oblivious in your being accused of the murders and seeing him there had been a punch of truth in the gut. He’d gone forward when you stumbled, reflexively reaching out to steady you on your feet before his mind could process the action.

Spencer has been doing that since he met you, trying to protect you like he was a giant ball of bubble wrap around you. He’d done it that day in the bookstore, throwing all precautions to the wind when he held the back of your head to keep you from hitting that bookshelf. He’s done it several times at a coffee shop you both enjoy visiting on his days off, physically maneuvering your body when he realizes that your current trajectory will cause you to ram your hip into a table corner.

One time, he’d been walking with you across the street when a man on a bicycle had come flying out of nowhere. You’d been just a step in front of him, your head tilted over your shoulder and your hands flying around with animation as you told him a story. Truly, he wasn’t sure how he knew to reach out and grab your shoulders, you have a way of telling stories that makes the entire world fall away. Yet, as if he was Spider-Man or something, every cell in his body suddenly cried out and he didn’t hesitate in pulling you back.

The force Spencer used to pull your body into his chest had sent you both tumbling to the sidewalk behind you.

“Are you okay?” You’d said, turning so that you were hovering over him with the sun framing you like a halo around your head. Surely you could feel the rapid escalation of his heartbeat with the way you tenderly place one of your small hands over his chest.

In the end he had to pull you to the side of the busy street to put a band-aid on your elbow where it had hit the concrete. It had been in the bottom of your bag and it had Scooby-Doo on it.

Despite his eidetic memory, some moments always manage to fade a little more than others. Some moments stick out more, like when you had reached out to smooth a stray curl away from his face. Your fingers were featherlight against his temple, your head tilted just a little to the side, and a soft smile stretched your lips.

“You’re my guardian angel.”

Some guardian angel he was, accusing you of murder on eight accounts and then letting you be kidnapped by someone who had no qualms about slapping you. God only knows what else he was comfortable with.

“I’ve got a lead!” Garcia burst into the room, her chest heaving as she sent videos and pictures to the screen for everyone to see. Spencer couldn’t see her face as she bent over her tablet, punching in information and instructions, but he nearly peppered it with kisses when she started to explain what they were all seeing.

“I managed to track (Y/N) to a little town about and hour and a half away when she, probably on purpose, ran a red light just in front of a gas station.” The video of your car creeping through a four-way traffic light until it turned red and captured you on camera was time stamped for yesterday afternoon around four o’clock.

“If you look closely, she turns onto a dirt road just a few seconds later,” Sure enough, every eye in the room watches as your car disappears behind a cluster of trees across from the BP on the left side of the video. “Satellite pictures show that little dirt road leads to one house that burned down a year ago.”

Mouths open, cogs turns, but Penelope Garcia once again proves her intelligence when she merely waves one hand in their direction and uses the other hand to pull up several documents and articles.

“Don’t sweat it. There’s no connection at all. Belonged to a Martin and Elisa Lewis back in the fifties before it was abandoned in the seventies. It was a local haunt where teenagers went to smoke, get drunk, have parties, and do the crazy and reckless things teenagers love to do. One of these reckless things led to a fire and burned the place down. But what’s important is what leaves this place fourty-eight minutes and twenty seconds after (Y/N)’s car enters.”

The video jumps forward in time, resuming as a red SUV pulls off the road and comes back for the stoplight. They can’t manage to get a license plate, the car being recently purchased by the unsub and the paper temporary being stuck to the inside of a tinted window, and they don’t manage to get a good image of the unsub driving. It feels, for a quarter of a second, as if there is no lead at all, until Spencer jumps to his feet.

“We need to see if her car is still there.”

The hour and a half drive takes fifty minutes with their lights on, mud kicking up beneath their tires as they pull into the empty lot. Your car sits abandoned in the middle, your back tires sunk into a pile of mud. The mass collection of blood on your driver’s seat makes Spencer nauseas. Rossi gives him a reassuring pat on the back.

It does nothing for Spencer’s nerves. He is truly the worst guardian angel ever.