#also i don't want to have to do a phone call i don't want to talk to them about anything at all

[scribblesofagoonerr]

— Where's dumb and dumber?

here's pt. 4 of chaos fc, this is honestly so much fun to write and its' a nice break from the angsty stuff as well, cos' I really can't be dealing with any of it right now!

thanks to @alotofpockets as always for helping me out with ideas along the way and giving me the confidence to post!

pairings: kim little x reader, kyra cooney cross x reader, awfc x reader

summary: reader and kyra continue to try and cause trouble down under, however, some of the girls are quick to realise before its' too late.

also, reader is a protective guarddog when it comes to her best friend getting hurt.

"Come on Kimmy, it was harmless fun!" You exclaim, trailing through the hotel after the long bus ride back from the open traning session and it was safe to say that your Captain was still pretty miffed about what had happened in the changing rooms.

Well, if the looks from the Scots' women were anything to go by then, yeah, you were definitely still in trouble.

"Harlmess or not, I told you to not cause anymore trouble!" Kim states in a firm tone of voice, stopping in her step to turn and look at you, "I feel like I can't even leave you alone for 5 minutes without you gettin' into trouble!"

"I don't see what the big deal is," You can't help but huff and wonder if your Captain is being slightly dramatic.

That was definitely the wrong answer to say, if the look that the older Scots' was anything to go by.

"The big deal?" Kim scoffs and shakes her head, "The big deal is that I'm really gettin' fed up with the constant immature behaviour-- When are you going to grow up, Y/N!?" She snaps.

This is probably the point in which you should say something sensible...

"Where's the fun in that though?"

Or not then.

You watch as your Captains' eyes widen in disbelief before shes' shaking her head, "Thank God we're going back to London in a few days!" She mutters before she pinches the bridge of her nose, "Enough of the pranks, now! I mean it, Y/N. You so much as pull another prank and I'm phoning Leah again to let her know of the recent trouble you've gotten yourself into!"

Without so much as another word, Kim storms off in another direction and your left dumbfound, feeling more than guilty for causing your skipper a near nervous breakdown from the trouble you've been causing.

"Leprachauns' out for revenge," Your partner in crime leans in and whispers, careful to not get caught as shes' under the watchful eye of Steph still, so you can guess that she got a grilling about things as well.

Plus, Caitlin as well most likely, after all it was her girlfriend that got the brunt of the prank that backfired on the wrong victim.

"Yeah, I'd say we're toast whenever she catches up to us," You tell her in a hushed whisper as she wince when your eye catches the Irish defender, who your certain is definitely still holding a grudge about what happened.

"How much trouble did you get in with Kim this time?" Kyra wonders, curiously.

"Eh its' nothin' I can't handle, but she did threaten to call Leah again," Your face pales at the thought of the blonde hearing what else you had been up to. "What did Steph say to you?" You ask.

"Pretty much to not do it again, you know? Blah, blah, blah," Kyra relays what said back as she rolls her eyes. "Caitlin wasn't too happy either about things, considering its' her misses." She states, amusedly.

"Oops," You can't help but surpress the giggle that slips out of your mouth. "Guess we've gotta tone it down on the pranks for a bit." You murmer in realisation.

No way did you want to deal with an angry blonde yelling at you down the phone again, needless to say you were going to try and keep a low profile for now at least.

"Where's the fun in that though?" Kyra jokes as she slides her phone out of her pocket and starts to scroll through her Instagram feed, "Hey, Y/N-- Have you seen these?" With that being said, she not so politely shoves her phone in your face.

"Wha-- No way, seriously?" You can't help but crack up laughing as you watch the fan edit replay over fans' speculating that you and Kyra being together as more than just friends, "There's no way that people are believing this!" You exclaim.

Kyra can't stifle her laughter as she nods, "I know, right? We're just friends!" She finds humour in the situation; Your used to fans freaking out about things, but seeing the interaction between you both and immediately labelling it as a relationship was just hilarious to even see.

"We're nothing but chaotic, platonic little shit best friends," You grin as you playfully throw your arm around the older girl and lock her in a head lock. "Hey! I have an idea, let's just give the fans what they want!" You exclaim as an idea pops into your head.

Kyra manages to wrangle herself out of your grasp and scrunches her face up, "Ew. No offence, Y/N/N, but I don't see you that way. I'm not kissing you." She states.

"Wha-- No, not like that you idiot. Lets' just wind them up!" You roll your eyes as you pull your phone out of your pocket, tapping on your Instagram and hold it in front of you both as you playfully plant a kiss on the older girls' cheek, "Ere', smile!"

"Right, so when we get to the stadium we'll-- Oh hold on a second!" Kyra's quick to get distracted in the middle of her explanation, leaving the piece of paper with varies scribbles out in plain sight for anyone else to walk past and see it.

Definitely not careful enough to hide it.

A certain blonde is able to find them easy enough.

"What're they up to now?" Alessia furrows her eyebrow as she lifts up the piece of paper, skeptical of being caught victim to another one of your pranks after watching the latest mayhem unfold with the Irish being the one to pay the price, "Vic, have you seen this?" She motions to the Dutch player.

"Seen what?" Vic asks, confused.

"This," Alessia mumers, gesturing to the paper that she holds up in her hand. "I can't really understand it-- Butterfingers and pancake? Are they, like, yeah I'm confused." The blondes' at a loss, trying to wrap her head around the explanation of the writing on the paper.

Vic isn't able to understand it either by her puzzled facial expression, "What the-- Are they baking a cake?" She questions, confused.

"I... I don't know," Alessia is clearly stumped over what it means as she looks around for someone who might understand it clearly, "Katie! Come look at this a second, please?" She gestures in the direction for the Irish girl to join the conversation.

"What's up?" Katie wonders, walking over to the two girls. "What you got there?" She asks, confused as she glances at the paper in her hands that Vic hands to her.

"We don't know. We can't understand it," Vic admits, confused.

"Butterfingers and pancake," Katie repeats, bewildered. "What... Whos' is this?" She asks, at a loss of what to even make of this right now.

"Kyra left it on the bench," Alessia answers.

Katies' eyes widen in realisation, "It's another prank." She mutters, searching round the room for the two culprits, who are strangely quiet right now. "Caitlin! Have you seen dumb and dumber?" She questions.

"Who're we talkin' about, right now?" Caitlin questions, laughing in amusement.

"Y/N and Kyra," Katie states, motioning to the paper that she holds in her hand. "I think they're up to something again." She adds.

"Oh you mean the English and Aussie pest," Caitlin jokes, walking over to join the three of them as she eyes' the paper in her girlfriends hands, "Seriously? Not again." She grumbles, shaking her head.

"I say that we let Kim know what's going on," Katie declares, looking around for the older Scots' women. "Kim!" She got the attention of the captain.

"Ye', what's up?" Kim looks over in the Irish girls' direction.

Katie wordessly hands the paper over to the Scottish women with an amused expression plastered on her face, "Thought I'd give you the heads up, Cap." She jokes.

Taking in the notes on the paper, Kims' left looking bewildered and lost for words, "Just one day," She mutters to herself, at her wits' end the troublemaker duo.

"What'd they do?" Steph chimes in, being near to the Scots' women.

"Take a look yourself," Katie jokes, glancing to the paper.

"Oh boy," Steph exhales a sigh as she reads over it, "What the hell does butterfingers and pancake mean?" She asks, confused.

"I don't know, but I know it means they're up to no good," Kim mutters, exhaling a sigh.

"Steph and I will have a word with Kyra and we'll leave Y/N to you," Caitlin reassures the older Scots' woman as she pats her on the shoulder before trying to spot out the Australian girl, "Kyra, over here!" She speaks aloud to get her attention.

"Wha-- I didn't do out!" Kyra exclaims in protest, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Not yet you haven't, we're putting a stop to it before it happens," Steph chimes in, shaking her head as she slings her arm around the girl.

"Y/N, come here!" Kim shouts aloud to get your attention from across the room.

"Busted," You mutter to yourself and slump over to meet the stern look of your captain, suddenly having a sense of dejavu about this certain situation. "Whatever you think I did, I didn't do." You state.

"What's this?" Kim holds up the paper note in her hand.

"Er, well its' a piece of paper. Was that supposed to be a trick question?" You question, sarcastically.

By the look on the older womens' face, you should know that she is not messing around and you should most definitely refrain from any further sarcastic comment.

However, you just can't help yourself sometimes.

"You know what I mean," Kim deadpans, pursing her lips. "Whatever this is, it stops right now!" Your captain is promptly wagging her finger in front of your face.

"I don't know what your on about," You mumble, trying to play innocent. "I don't even know what that is." You add, continuing to play dumb about it all.

"Yes you do, Y/N-- The girls found it, I know its' a prank and I'm telling you to pack it in right now!" Kim lectures; You have to admit that she really can be scary sometimes, and its' nothing to do with her height.

"Snitches," You murmer under your breath as you can't help but glare at the girls around the room.

"You should be gettin' ready for the match, not planning any of this dumb pranks-- Carry on and I'll have you benched!" Kim continues to scold you, mentioning about the upcoming match you're currently supposed to be getting ready for to play against the All Stars. "Stop muckin' around and get ready right now, do you understand?"

You swallow the lump in your throat and shuffle in your spot, "Yes Kim, I understand." You mumble, although you can't help but stare down at the floor.

Sure enough the lecture is enough to scare you to try and not cause any more chaos, besides that can wait for after the match at least for now.

"So, Tiny threatened to have me benched if I pull another prank," You murmer to your best friend after you finish getting ready for the match.

"I just got a right earful from Floof and Veggie," Kyra huffs in agreement as she finishes tying up the laces on the boots. "They found the papers." She adds in realisation.

"No shit, only cos' you left them aside for anyone to see!" You exclaim, glaring at the older Aussie girl.

"It weren't my fault I got distracted!" Kyras' quick to protest as she throws her hands up in mock surrender.

"Well either way, I have to keep on her good side now or shes' gonna call Malfoy!" You tell her, huffing and slumping your shoulders; You really didn't want to endure a certain blonde defender lecturing you down the phone at all.

"Malfoy?" Kyra questions, confused.

You nod in agreement, already reaching for your phone to explain the reason behind the newfound nickname for the centre back, "Yep, new nickname for the English skip, cos' I seen the comments about her new haircut and they're hilarious comparing her to a draco malfoy wannabee," You tap on the former picture that the girls had taken back in London and show the older girl. "See?" You smirk in amusement.

"That's brilliant!" Kyra can't help but burst out laughing, "Your right, suits' her well!" She adds in agreement with your name for the stern english captain.

"Come on, lets' go girls. We need to line up!" Kim motions the pair of them out of the changing rooms with the rest of the girls.

"Comin'!" You shout in response, the two of you both dwadling to join the rest of the girls.

Kim spins around and eyes you both skeptically, "Remember what I said? No trouble!" She warns.

"You got it, Cap. No trouble whatsoever!" You grin in agreement, eager to stay on the Scot womens' good side for the time being.

"I mean it," Kim states.

"I know, I know. I'll be on my best behaviour, don't yer' worry!" You agree, signalling a mock salute as you join the end of the line, ready to head on to the pitch to face the All Stars.

"Agh!" You know you should be focusing on the game, however, its' impossible with what is currently going on right now.

Seagulls, feral birds that you're terrified off.

"God damn this ball-- They keep deflating!" Katie exclaims, motioning to the ref for the need to change the ball again, meanwhile you're still trying to not have a complete meltdown about the severe amount of seagulls flying around the pitch.

"Kimmy, help me! Somebody, anybody, help me!" You dart around the pitch like a maniac, to try and avoid them.

"Y/N, calm down! You're fine!" Kim tries to reassure you, all while trying to keep her focus on the game that you're currently playing on the pitch.

You shake your head and your not afraid to admit you were deeply scared of this birds, "I'm not fine! There's... Theres' birds, everywhere!" You exclaim.

"Y/N, they're harlmess..." Steph chimes in, mostly amused with your freak out on the pitch.

"No, no, they're fuckin' not!" You shout aloud in fear, doing your best to try and duck down as one flies in your direction. "Why the heck are they flying so low?" You question in horror.

"Y/N, focus on the game!" Caitlin chuckles, shaking her head.

"I... I can't! There everywhere, Caitlin!" Your downright petrified of these birds, however, your team all seem to find the situation amusing.

Kim pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head, "Good lord," She mutters to herself as she moves to gain possession of the ball. "Ere' Y/N!" She shouts in your direction to pass you the ball seeing as your stood in a spot that's open.

Dodging the pesky seagulls, you swoop in towards the direction of the ball and kick it towards Mini Viv who then is able to knock it to Alessia, whos' remaining unmarked and shes' able to head it in the back of the net to give your team to advantage to take the lead and be 1 nil up.

"G'wan, Lessi!" You exclaim, running towards the blonde to dive on her in celebration for the wonderful goal she had scored. "Lessi Russo with the stunning header!"

"Shut up you idiot," Alessia chuckles and swats the back of your head.

Taking the opportunity to enjoy the moment, your focus is switched back to the game in hand, wanting to at least have the chance to score another goal before the end of the game.

However, your fear for the certain birds turned into anger at the very minute that you watched your counter partner be involved in a particulary nasty foul and land on the ground.

"What the-- Nah seriously, ref? What the actual fuck!" Your throwing your hands in air in protest, outraged how the player on the opposite team was able to get away with it. "Are you blind!? Your an absolute idiot to not see that!"

You can admit that you might have been a slight bit more angrier with your words than you should have been.

Thank God it is just a friendly and no yellow cards can be given out.

"Kyra!" You are quick to rush to her side, the fear for the older Aussie girl whos' now being seen by the medical team. "Are you okay?" You question, concerned.

"Ow," Kyra murmers, wincing in pain.

Breathing a sigh of relief that she seems to be fine, given the cheeky grin she gave to the camera when she was being seen by the medical team, you stood up and turned to look at the player in anger.

"What the actual fuck-- Are you that stupid to hurt her like that?" You just see red, getting up in their face and pushing them back roughly. "You'rea fuckin' idiot!" You seeth.

"Y/N, cool it!" Kims' quick to try and reign in your outburst on the pitch,  trying to grab a hold of your upper bicep and drag you away from the situation before you make it worse for yourself. "What the hell are you playing at? Are you purposely looking for a way to cause trouble-- Control your anger!" She states, firmly.

"They hurt Kyra," You murmer, looking over to check in on your best friend. "They didn't even care about it either!" You motion to the player, who seemed completely unphased about the foul.

"Relax, Y/N. Kyra's fine, you need to control your temper," Kim states, sternly as she shook her head. "Your lucky this is just a friendly, or you'd have been sent off already!"

"They... They hurt Kyra," You repeat, not entirely happy that the player got away with it like she did.

It seems like your outburst on the pitch was more of a reason for Jonas, or as you'd kindly labelled him, Thanos to sub you off in replacement from one of the young guns; Initially, you were annoyed about it, however, you were soon joined by Kyra, so at least the two of you could chat on the bench.

"Are you alright?" You try and see if Kyra's actually okay, depsite the fact the medical team had seen to her on the pitch and even went to so much trouble as bring a stretcher on.

"I'm fine, relax, guard dog," Kyra jokes, plonking herself down in a seat beside you. "You know, fans' seeing your outburst like that is just gonna give them more reason to speculate them rumours." She jokes.

"Let them speculate all they want. I'm just a protective best friend," You grumble in response, not liking the fact of seeing the Aussie girl go down on the pitch at all.

© scribblesofagoonerr

[cheriladycl01]

My love, is mine all mine - Max Verstappen x Norris! Reader x Charles Leclerc Part 6

Plot: Norris' Twin sister is also a driver in the 2021 line up and is in her rookie era. Not only do the commentators struggle to now talk about the pair in the race, but they also struggle to talk about talent. What happens when two drivers find her eye-catching.

A/N: I've brought Luisia into things because of the timeline and it being 2021. Don't hate on her, or the fact that i've brought her into my writing please!

Credit to countingstars-17 for the GIF

After the shit show of a party, you woke up earlier than everyone else and left the docked boat. You caught the earliest flight back to the UK. You were so pissed with your friends and brother that they’d just up and left you in the club.

The whole flight home, you pondered whether you just really needed to grow up about ever situation in your life.

Lando and the clubbing group leaving you? They were drunk and probably saw you with loads of other people and assumed you were safe and good.

Charles admitting his feelings for you? You arguably needed to focus more on your career that you’d worked so hard for, you didn’t have time for boys and if Charlie really did care for you like he said, he would understand.

Max sleeping or dating your best friend? Good for him, he should be happy.

You needed to not be bitter about all of these minor blips in your life and just get on with it.

Little did you know that this would create a version of you so far from her normal bubbly self that even people who hadn’t spoken to you in years would be able to tell something wasn’t right with you.

Max and Charles had both tried to contact you through texts and phone calls all which had been ignored, you knew it was for the best to just let it all go and leave it at a what could have been. You had responsibilities far greater that you needed to focus on.

When it came to after the summer having left your brother and gone travelling on your own, updating your Instagram and family group chat whenever you managed to get wifi, you were back and raring to go for your home race.

Lando had sent a text to the family group chat asking who would be coming. He wanted to invite Luisa and only had two passes to give out. So that would mean one for Luisa and one for his dad.

Lando - Can you give your paddock passes to mum and Flo, Cisca can’t make it because of Uni

Y/N - Kinda awkward i had someone in mind i wanted to bring :(

Lando - come on its mum and your little sister Y/N don’t be rude and give up your pass to some random dude you met in Bali …

You ignored it, before going to McLaren and begging Zac for a spare paddock pass. You gave your original 2 to your mum and Flo, but your next one went to Nathan Bishop, he was a goalkeeper for Manchester United and you’d met him on a trip you’d been doing in Bali and he immediately knew who you were and you guys got talking and one thing led to another and you were inviting each other to your sports.

In the time you’d travelled he’d became a really good friend and you didn’t feel as lonely as you had since starting in F1. It was really refreshing.

You met him before, driving him to the paddock in your McLaren and pulling up into the Silverstone car park together.

“Thanks for the pass, I’ve never been to a race before so this is actually really exciting for me” he smiles waiting as you grab your bag from the back seat.

“Always welcome!” You grinned back.

“Mmmm and I’m excited to see if you are really as good as you say you are!” He teases elbowing you as you swipe your pass through the paddock scanners.

“Hey! I am a good driver! I got you here safely didn’t I?” You smile and he just nods, you point out various bits of the paddock talking about all the hustle and bustle and all the different teams and the workers running around fitting last minute bits to the motorhomes.

“Oh come on! We need to get you some McLaren team merch!” You grin pulling him to the quiet fan zone thanks to the early time it was and going to the merch stool.

“Hiya! Oh Y/N! How are you?” The worker smiles noticing it’s you.

“Hey! I’m really good! How are you? It’s hot today, make sure you drink lots of water! Radio through and ask for top ups yeah? And don’t forget sun cream!” You chide knowing sometimes the workers forget that they are humans and will push themselves till breaking point!

“Thank you! Really and I’m all good” she says flashing you the large icy bottle of water she had behind the stand with her. “What can I get for you?”

“Any chance we can get the Y/N number hat?” You grin turning to look at Nathan who just rolls his eyes but can’t help the smile that comes into his face.

“Sure! We have lots on stock today, as you know it’s home race! Good luck by the way! I know you’ll do great!” She smiles and hands you the number 42 on the baseball cap. You place it on Nathan’s head who just laughs at your antics but keeps that hat on before paying the lady for it in cash.

“Hey! I was gonna pay for it! I’m the one that got you to buy merch!” You exclaim in horror.

“Mmmm but it’s my hat … so I should pay for it!” He explains with a cat like grin.

“Argh fine come on! I want to show you round the garage and do track walk with you!” You say gently taking his hand and pulling him through the growing numbers of people in the paddock.

You showed him all around the garage and even let him sit in your car which he was really impressed with how low to the ground it felt, and how much the halo restricted vision. After showing him the pit wall and all of the engineers working and running around before free practice you took him out onto the track to do a walk.

The sun wasn’t as harsh anymore and it had started to cloud over a little bit meaning that the track walk wasn’t as strenuous as you anticipated it would be.

You guys walked around talking about the season so far and how it felt being a rookie along with Yuki Tsunoda.

Afterwards it was time for you to have a team meeting and you didn’t want to leave Nathan on his own so you walked him to the hospitality suite to find your parents.

“Mum Dad! Hey this is Nathan! Can you just watch out for him while I’m in the car please!” You ask kindly showing Nathan to a seat with your family.

“Of course sweetheart! Hi Nathan, I’m Adam, this is my wife Cisca” he introduces standing up slightly and leaning forward to shake the younger gentleman’s hand.

“You gonna be okay?” You ask, unsure if you should just bring him to the garage and find him a seat and headphones and leave him there.

“Yeah - I’ll be” he starts only for commotion behind to stop his words.

“Sorry, I’m running late. Oh … whose this?” Lando asks looking over to Nathan, someone he didn’t think would be around his family.

“This is your sisters guest, hence the hat” your mum explained pointing to the hat still on Nathans head.

“Right … yeah I just came here to drop Luisa off. Please look after her and … you know don’t be weird” he begs as Luisa starts to talk to both Flo and Nathan.

“We’re never weird! Now you both have to go get ready!” your dad grins forcing you both away.

You start to walk together to the garage in an awkward silence until Lando breaks it.

“So you brought a boyfriend with you?” Lando scoffs looking towards you.

“And what if I did?” What’s it to you, you brought Luisa!” You say looking to him confused why it was such an issue you’d brought a guy (who wasn’t anything to do with you romantically).

“Because your playing with a lot of hearts here Y/N and it’s not exactly fair. First Charles, then Max, then Charles again and then Max and now this guy? Max and Charles are my friends Y/N and I can’t help but feel like your going to go one step too far and ruin all of this …” he complains and for a second your stunned into silence not knowing what to even say.

“How am I toying with Max and Charles when Max is off with my best friend and Charles … is so hot headed that I don’t know if I can take the heat of him yelling at me for an overtake every race weekend! So how am I the one playing with hearts when it’s feels like mines the only one being toyed with, even by my own fucking brother!” You cried out frustrated with him, but that was Lando. He always spoke before he thought about what he was saying. Both a blessing and a curse.

You started to hurry off no longer wanting to entertain this conversation.

“Y/N wait … I didn’t mean it like that” Lando admits speeding up after you and walking in step with you trying to slow you down.

“We have a meeting to get to. Let’s not waste anymore time” you say coldly, so coldly it actually caused Lando to shiver as he never had heard that tone of voice or anything remotely close come from you.

Briefing for what it was, was pretty boring only talking about the upgrades they’d brought to this weeks Grand Prix. Lando had the full package and you had half, the others to come next week in Hungary.

You were in the garage after changing into your fireproofs, your race suit hanging down off your hips talking to your engineer about strategy for Silverstone, but it was always changeable depending on the track temp and the weather.

FP1 clearly showed Landos new flashy upgrades and how much quicker it made the car placing him in P2 in between Max and Lewis, the two battling it out for the championship this year.

As for you down in 9th you’d just been testing the track and were on different tyres to the top few people, wanting to test out the hards.

As the weekend progressed and the less you concentrated on all of yours issues and just had fun while concentrating on the race weekend you got better. Ending up starting in a decent P6 for the race and getting points in the Sprint that was held earlier on in the day.

“Okay Y/N, it’s looking like Plan B. Reports of rain on the radar for the last half of the race” your engineer says as you pull up into your P6 stop, next to Lando both your Orange McLarens locking out your row.

“Okay, do we have a pit plan?” You ask knowing you were on mediums in hopes they’d last long enough to get you onto Intermediates or Wet if it’s due to rain that badly.

“We’re checking now, looking into stuff with Lando too and seeing what the other teams and looking at doing, but looking like Pit Plan E”

“Yep, copied” he grit out unhappy that they are already prioritising your brother.

“Well Y/N let’s get racing for you first F1 home race! Lecelrc and Bottas in front of you and Lando, Alonso and Vettel behind you and both. And then Max and Hamilton front row” he explains, you knew you had to get a good start to overtake your brother and possibly Charles if there was an opening so as you were driving round the formation lap, you cleared your mind of everything but racing.

Taglist:

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[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for hanging out with someone less in-person, and more online?

Here me out first please.

My buddy Austin (he/him) and I usually hang out at least every other week, if not every week. We've been doing this for the last few years after we both got more conformable doing in-person hangouts after the covid vaccines reached the general public in our country.

About a year ago, Austin was in a car accident (not a major one, don't worry) and walked away with a mild concussion (doctor's description). Ever since that car accident, Austin has been super sensitive to sound. In his words, walking across his floor in socks sounds like elephant stomping. His floor is carpet. Typing on a phone is so loud and distracting he can't hear anything else. Birds outside his house sound like they're chirping directly into his ear. He vents to me often that having a regular-volumed conversation sounds so loud it's painful to him.

When I'm over at his house, I try to be as quiet as I can. I'm careful to soft-step around the house and not take my shoes off. I try to shuffle or slide through the kitchen and other rooms that are not carpet so I make less noise. We whisper or half-whisper half-speak to each other in conversation. Movies we have subtitles on and the volume turned down to almost 0%. But Austin still looks like he's in pain by the end of a couple hour hang-out. Sometimes he'll get up and put in earplugs and then come back to continue the hangout. I feel really bad that he's putting himself through so much.

The last few months, instead of always hanging out in-person, I've been suggesting doing something virtual and letting Austin decide which he wants. I figure that if we're gaming, he can wear his earplugs or mute the game and we can use game chat or text each other to communicate. Same with watching movies, we can both adjust our volumes to our comfort levels (and leave subtitles on still. I don't mind them). Sometimes he wants to just do things online, and sometimes he insists on hanging out in-person. It's been about 60/40 online to in-person so far.

We hung out last weekend and first Austin said let's hang out in-person, but the night before we were supposed to hang out, he told me he rather hang out online this time. I was cool with it, but when I let my roommate Geoff (who is also good friends with Austin) know that actually I'd be home most of the day Saturday and answered Geoff's "why are you hanging out with Austin online again?" with "i don't know, Austin probably wants a quiet weekend instead", my roommate started accusing me of infantilizing Austin by hanging out online instead of in-person, that I'm abandoning Austin because his "auditory disablility is too inconvenient for fragile able-bodied feelings" (Geoff's words), and how since Austin hasn't explicitly said that in-person hanging out is too loud for him, then I'm being ableist by assuming things are too loud when he hasn't directly said that I am too loud. I argued that I don't think of Austin as lesser, I just don't want to cause him any unnecessary pain, and it's pretty obvious when things are too loud for him without words, because you can read the "Make it stop" / "No more" expression on his face. But Geoff doubled down really hard and told me i should be ashamed of treating Austin like he's incapable of making his own choices.

I was pissed and just walked out with my laptop. We did our movie day with me on the local library wifi instead. I don't think for a second I've taken away Austin's ability to choose, since I let Austin make the call on in-person or online!! But I'm also completely able-bodied. I haven't even experienced a temporary disability-experience like needing crutches during injury recovery or anything. Geoff has a chronic pain and fatigue disorder, so he has more experience with microaggressions than I do. So I don't know if I'm right about this being a non-issue, or if Geoff is right about me being ableist against Austin's noise sensitivities. It keeps eating at me now, and I don't want to bring this up with Austin since I already know he's really insecure about his new volume tolerance levels. Am I an asshole for doing online hangouts with Austin instead of sticking to only in-person stuff?

[thefallennightmare]

Okay the car accident headcannon for next Tuesday you have to do a part 2 to noah losing his shit about everything

@thescarlettvvitch @missduffsblog @hayleylatour @sleepyomens @loeytuan98 @artificialbreezy @marvelousmal @bngurngheart @lma1986 @dsireland86 @wild-child-7747 @calleyx13 @illmakeyousaywow @jaded-and-hollow-souls @exitwoundsx @shayzillaaaa @lookwhatitcost @badomensls @princesspeach-00 @burning-outx @shadowseve @collective-heartbreak @klutzy-kay24 @sorrowsofsilence @sweetlittlekitsune @shilohrosechicken @itsafullmoon @toospooktocute @niicoleleigh @thatchickwiththecamera @hoe-for-daddywise @whenthesummerdies @cookiesupplier @concreteemo @thisbicc @sammyjoeee @pathion @flowery-mess @tashka @Karenfranco @its-inourblood @amelia-acero @xxkittenkissesxx

PART ONE HERE

After Jesse brought you home, he made sure you were comfortable in bed before giving you the typical disappointed dad look with the pulled brows and hands on hips.

"What?" You asked.

He scoffed. "You need to call, Noah. Now."

You picked apart the loose threads of your blanket, still nervous. "He's busy and I don't want to bother him."

Jesse sat on the end of the bed, giving your leg underneath the blanket a reassuring pat.

"You know that's not true, Y/N. He needs to know. At least about the crash. The pregnancy thing can wait till he's home."

You sighed, knowing he was right, so you grabbed your phone and clicked on Noah's contact name for a Facetime call.

Jesse got up to leave but you grasped his arm, keeping him in place. "I need you here for support when I tell him about the car."

He rolled his eyes, the noise of the ringing in the background. "He's not going to care about the car. As long as you're alright, that's the only thing he'll worry about."

"Hi my angel."

Noah's deep and sleep-filled voice tickled your ears as you positioned the phone so it could face you head-on.

His dark eyes took in the sight of the cuts and bandages on your face and was suddenly wide awake.

"What the hell happened? Are you alright? Is your arm in a sling?"

Your eyes flashed over to Jesse, who urged you on with a nod.

"I was in a car accident earlier today," you said slowly.

Noah's face twitched with something you weren't sure.

"Why are you just calling me now?" He wondered while doing his best to sit up in his small bunk.

You shrugged your good shoulder. "I know how busy you are and were sleeping so I didn't want to bother you."

"Angel," his voice was stern. "You always call me with anything, alright? Especially with something like this."

Guilt ate away at you as you nodded slowly. "I'm sorry."

Noah frowned. "For what?"

Taking a deep breath, you prepared yourself to break the news.

"Your car is totaled. It's not worth fixing."

"I don't give a fuck about the car," Noah said. "As long as you're alive and home that's the only thing I care about."

"Wait," he spoke again. "How did you get home?"

Jesse's head of curls appeared right next to me and waved at Noah. "I'll make sure she's in bed and doesn't overdo it."

"Good. Because I'm on the first flight home."

"No," you shook your head. "You can't cancel the shows-."

"Fuck the shows, Y/N. You could have been seriously hurt. You need me right now, that's the only thing that matters."

You knew trying to fight with him about this would be pointless so instead, you agreed with a nod.

Which also meant you had less than twenty-four hours to prepare yourself to tell him the biggest news of all.

Due to not being able to take strong pain meds because of the pregnancy, it was a rough night of sleep. When you eventually did fall asleep, you were almost dead to the world.

You didn't even know Jesse had left the next night to pick Noah up from the airport.

You didn't even hear Noah enter the house downstairs or his deep footsteps as they ascended the staircase.

You were asleep on your back, broken arm slung over your chest, and Noah carefully grazed a finger over the bandages on his face. All while holding a specific folder and picture in the other.

You were so exhausted that you forgot to hide the ultrasound.

He was quick to slip into bed with you, not bothering to change out of the clothes he spent his entire travel day in. It had been a mess of canceling the rest of the tour and trying to find the next available flight home. It consisted of two layovers and one that took nearly three hours.

But he was finally home to you.

And his baby.

His hand rested on your stomach, his soft voice cooing. "Hi baby, I'm your dad."

When he first saw the ultrasound pictures, he was frozen in a state of shock.

You two weren't even trying to have kids, not now anyway. But according to how far along you were, he remembered the exact night it happened.

You were begging him to cum inside you, fill up your walls. He tried his hardest to resist, but your cries of pleasure had him spilling inside you.

You stirred in his embrace and when your eyes finally opened, you were shocked to see him in bed with you.

"When did-?"

Your question was cut off with his lips to yours in a slow and lazy kiss. Your hands ran through his messy locks of hair as you breathed in his familiar scent.

"I'm so glad you two are alright," he murmured against your lips.

You were about to speak but were halted by his words.

You two.

"How did you?" You asked.

Noah held up the ultrasound picture with a proud and goofy smile.

"You left it on the kitchen counter."

Your cheeks burned with embarrassment. "I had this whole idea planned on how I would tell you but I must have been so exhausted from everything, I just couldn't get out of bed."

His lips brushed along your forehead. "It's alright, angel. I'm here now. I've got you."

[naamahdarling]

I do want to say, because I know I am extremely and probably sometimes unfairly unforgiving of everything to do with the medical profession, that I had a really good experience last week with a team that was very empathetic and trauma-informed. The area of medicine is deeply triggering and I truly didn't know if I would even be able to talk or not. They were very understanding and respectful and I didn't feel like an inconvenience or a difficult patient, or like someone who was making a big deal out of nothing.

I know and they pointed out that I'm not the only person with this issue. This is actually common. It is utterly baffling to me that so many providers aren't able to cope with PTSD in their patients, especially patients whose trauma is medical in nature. These people treated me like a normal person who had experienced some very not-normal things.

Anyway, I had an unexpectedly hard time afterwards -- I figured the hardest part would be the appointment, and it super was not -- and have had a hard time off and on since. It has not been fun. It's been frustrating and confusing and upsetting and scary. But for once, none of that was the fault of the people I saw. I went in unsure I'd even be able to talk about it and nearly completely certain I wouldn't be able to move forward with the things I need to do. I figured I would probably have to white-knuckle it through a panic attack. I came out having held a productive conversation that left me scared, yes, but also hopeful and optimistic that I can move forward. And I didn't have a panic attack. It was a radical and unexpected change.

I worked hard for this. Any trauma is an awful thing to live with. The work of remaking yourself around the holes it punches in you is hard and confusing. The healing is often slow. In my case it comes with very few immediate rewards (it will actually make my life more difficult for a while because I'll have to deal with more medical interference, hooray). But it was time for me to do this and I have come far enough and worked hard enough to have the resilience to try, and I did it.

All we did was talk, but that would not have been possible a year ago. It was all I could do to ask for a referral because even naming the specialty was upsetting. I couldn't make the phone call to set up an appointment and when they called to try to do it, I hung up. Six or eight months ago I managed to dial the number and then hung up the instant someone answered. Last week I walked into the building and said out loud multiple words that make me feel like I have worms under my skin and which I can barely look at, let alone type. I didn't lose speech. This was a big win for me, and I'm thankful it went well, and I actually am proud of myself. I didn't even use any of my antianxiety meds that day, because I didn't think I would need them.

I don't feel grateful to the staff, I feel like someone finally did the bare fucking minimum, but I am very grateful, because I am not only what I feel. I am also what I know and what I do, and I am finally sort of getting those three things to match up in a way that they patch the holes in one another a little, and maybe someday I can stop slipping through the cracks.

I'm scared they will fuck up when I go to get some issues addressed, and they will betray me or harm me. I really am. Because hey, that's what my experiences have prepared me for, so that's a very natural way for me to feel. Rational, even.

I'm scared that I will look back at this appointment and feel stupid for having experienced any hope at all.

But even if it goes to shit, I still went in there and tried. I still did my best. And my best was okay. I was able to separate my fear from what needed to be done just a little bit. That means something. Because I didn't think I could do it at all.

[wonton4rang]

having sexual tension with both leehan and taesan? so when everyone leaves except us three, shits happening 😩

YOU DID NOT WHATTHEACTUALFUCKKKK. not you making me write about my two favourite boys in bnd only for me to get even more crazy over them but thanks! (i'm literally giggling rn)

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pairing: gongfourz (taesan & leehan) x reader.

warnings: +18, smut, anal sex, double penetration, mentions of cheating, jaehyun as y/n's boyfie.

summary: where you have a strong sexual tension with taesan and leehan and they take the chance to clear it when your boyfriend's out of town <\3

note: hope you like this @hyuanlee !! it took me a while but here it is. 🫶 Also, if y'all see any typos, no you didn't.

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you were not dumb. not the slightest bit. so when your boyfriend jaehyun had to leave town for two days and his friends taesan and leehan dropped by your house, you knew it.

partly, you were not surprised by the fact that those two wanted to pay you a visit, even though they knew their friend was not home, just to make sure you were doing okay.

a call would've done it.

not to mention the way they looked at you, with so much hunger that it was soooo obvious that they would mess you up of they could. they would always make those "inoffensive" comments on how good you looked, how lucky was the man who managed to pull you.

jaehyun laughed at all of their jokes, loving the way his friends complimented his girl but totally missing their point when they would just laugh along and look at each other with that mischievous glow in their eyes.

jaehyun was so dumb.

but it was always like that, always the same absurb tension that would make you feel that weird feeling in your stomach, making your pussy throbb and you feeling so suffocated it was nonsense; like if you had a hand around your neck pressing with so much force you could faint.

they were both hot, they were both sexually appealing and you couldn't deny that you would love to have them between your legs. but they were your boyfriend's friends, you would never want to go that far with them, right? it was all jokes.

sure thing, whatever you say.

"y/n, aren't you hungry?" leehan asked you when he sat down in your side, the sofa shrinking a bit with his weight, you stopped looking at your phone to face him. "i didn't see you eating anything earlier"

"i'm good, i ate a lot at lunch so i'm not really hungry" you smiled back, feeling his gaze down your face before he moved it to your chest, picking at the skin he could see through the fabric of your pajamas "where's taesan anyways?" you tried to distract, looking around while leehan just kept getting closer to you.

"he's getting something" he just grinned at you, reaching your shirt with his fingers and playing a little bit with the fabric around your boobs, getting closer to your face before adding "this is such a soft material, where did you get it?"

"i got it when i went shopping with jaeyhun" you mentioned, backing up a bit. "i think it was on that cute store in the corner of the mall- what are you doing!?"

"i'm just touching it, can't i?" his voice was so low that it made you shiver, cursing a little bit in your mind when your nipples responded to it. "huh, it doesn't seems like you hate it though"

"shut it, it's kinda cold" he laughed at you when his fingers grazed your hard nipple and you jumped a little "yo, stop that"

"you don't like it?" but before you could answer his eyes dropped to your shorts, passing his tongue over his lips when he looked at your thighs "that short looks comfy, ain't it?"

"leehan, you have to quit it"

"can i touch it?" at this point you didn't knew what he meant, but being for real, you knew. and even though your morality was rotting your head and your hands started to shake a little bit, the thought of your boyfriend peeking out for a second before you heard a soft mumble on your ear, leehan making you rest your head on his arm and your thighs tensing when he finally ghosted his fingers close to your clothed pussy, softly pressing down on the flesh and looking at your face for confirmation when he said "do you mind?"

"no, i- you can"

and you didn't need to say it again when his fingers moved your shorts aside, finally feeling the wet patch in your panties when he touched them. you felt a little bit ashamed about it but the way his dick poked your thigh make you understand how hot it was for him too.

of course it was.

two of his fingers kept pressing down on your mount, still over your underwear, giving soft massages in that place and his face moving to kiss your left cheek with a warm kiss, his nose brushing against your face before he left a low moan out, his hips humping your thigh a little bit.

"you are so wet, y/n, why didn't you say anything? i could've helped you" he would whisper against your ear, leaving a soft bite afterwards and palming your pussy twice, making you flinch a bit before laughing. "so sensitive and yet so quiet"

"i don't know what you mean" you said back, you were not gonna admit he got you leaking by just getting close to you. never in a million years.

"you know exactly what i mean" and then his middle finger pressed against your folds, right in the middle, moving just enough to cause some friction between your underwear and your clit. "you love this, don't you? no need to hide it"

but color left your face when the door was opened, your hands holding leehan's arm and trying to pull him away from your clothed cunt but failing when he just laughed in your face, and dammit, his smile was so pretty that it even got you hotter, your pussy throbbing under his touch and your cheeks flushing when you say the third person entering the room.

"taesan"

you almost breathed out in relieve. well, for a second because then you remembered the situation you were on, you were just so grateful that it wasn't jaehyun that you forgot about it for a second.

"i thought we were playing with her together" he said in exchange, his eyes glued to the place where the younger male's fingers were.

"sorry, hyung, i couldn't help it. it's not like she opposed a lot either" he softly smiled "didn't even put up a fight"

you just watched the two boys in confusion, your hands loosening their grab on leehan's arm when taesan got closer, letting a plastic bag in the coffee table of the living room before taking place contrary to leehan on your side.

he looked at you a little bit differently than the younger male did, his eyes being somewhat sharper but his intentions not feeling so aggressive as leehan's. his right hand cupped your face and he licked his lips before leaning closer, barely touching the skin of your cheeks before pressing his forehead against the side of your face.

"can i kiss you, y/n?" he softly asked, leehan gulping on your side and restarting the movement of his finger against your pussy. taesan looked for your eyes when you went silent, trying to understand what your look supposed to mean. "you don't want me to-"

"i do, please"

taesan was never much of a talker, so he just laughed a lil bit at you saying 'please' when he was two seconds away from begging you. his lips crashing against yours right away and your chest lifting up and down a little bit fast due to the different feelings you were having, taesan's lips and tongue playing with yours and leehan's fingers making you grind down his hand, moaning into taesan's mouth when you felt both of them humping each one of your thighs.

"fuck, you're so hot" this time was leehan who talked, his finger finally breaking the barrier of your clothes and fully touching your soaked pussy. "goddamn it"

but you grew anxious when you felt that he left your side, almost breaking your kiss with taesan but the boy holding your face in place and stopping you from detaching his lips.

and you had your reasons to be nervous when your short got pulled down your legs with your panties and leehan was suddenly between both of your legs, his head so close to your pussy you actually felt his breath twitch before he finally left a long lick in your clit. your legs trembled and they both loved it, taesan's right hand going for leehan's hair and pressing the younger one against your cunt.

he left your lips to look at leehan eat you out, licking his own lips before saying "he looks so cute, doesn't he?" you had to hold in a whine when leehan mumbled in your pussy and sent some vibrations "such a pretty boy eating your cunt, don't you like him?"

"i do" was all you said, your eyes shut closed and your thighs on leehan's shoulders while he furiously lapped on your clit, flicking his tongue a little bit before placing wet open-mouthed there, gulping and taking that bulge of nerves between his teeth, gracing it and making your legs tremble. he was so good, so messy "fuck, stop, that's- oh my god"

"why do you want him to stop if you are feeling so good, y/n?" taesan was the one who spoke now, his fingers still tangled on leehan's hair but his eyes were looking at you, his lips so close to your ear that you could feel his breath when he talked. "do you like it like that?"

but at this point you couldn't even answer properly, just slowly moving your hips and riding leehan's face, being easy since taesan kept him pressed there with his hand. it was so hot, so dirty yet so wrong.

was it that bad if it felt so good? probably yes, but this time you wouldn't mind. just this time.

taesan took your lack of words as a signal that it was going good, and it was, so he could take care of himself now. he left your side met leehan between your legs, sharing a small grin with the younger before holding your legs up so they could both eat you out.

he was not gonna miss eating your cunt just because leehan was there, sharing some saliva with the other male and the sounds being so obscene it made you shake, trying to close your legs when it got too much.

both tongues playing with your pussy, taesan's middle finger knuckle deep inside your cunt and flicking up like a mad beast, leehan's soft moans sending vibrations to your wet folds and it was just too much.

"guys, stop, please i'm- please" but your hands went to hold their heads in place, your fingers tangling in their hair and you just feeling how the laughed "oh my god"

and just like that you came, right into their tongues, with a whine moan making you feel so ashamed before you felt the warmth of their faces abandon your cunt, taesan's finger slipping out and making you feel empty.

"you good?" leehan would ask, licking his lips with a smirk that just made your legs weak, the fact that taesan licked the finger that was previously inside of you didn't help either. "you have such a sweet pussy, baby. could eat you out three times a day"

"you are seriously mental" taesan laughed and fixed leehan's hair before facing you one more time. "but he's right tho"

"you both are insane" was all you could mumbled, your legs still shaking when you tried to cover your pussy by pulling your shorts up.

"what do you think you're doing?" your eyes pawned to leehan's and your ears could pick up the tingling metal sound of their belts being unbuckled, putting your shorts on anyways. "have you taken two at the same time before?"

"guys, i- i don't think we should do this. go this far, you know" both boys just kinda laughed, still undoing their pants and making you gulp when you noticed how hard they were for what you could peek before they lowered their trousers when you spoke again "i'm being serious"

"are you?" this time taesan spoke and before you could add he continued "that's not what your body and eyes are saying"

"i shouldn't"

"but you want to, and to be honest, we are already halfway there, y/n"

"you guys are not going to say anything, right? you know how he is and this would make him feel awful and i-"

"we won't say a thing" leehan reassured you and you quickly nodded. seeing how they started to lower their jeans made you get up and hold both of their hands.

"not here"

so they followed you upstairs, staring at your ass shamelessly and standing at the door when you guided them to a room, both of them looked at you with lifted eyebrows and you had to explain that it wasn't the one you shared with jaehyun, this one was a separate one you guys had with your old stuff that you brought when you left your parents house.

"good thing you brought your bed" joked leehan, finally walking into the room and taesan closing the door behind them.

he grabbed your face and finally stamped his lips on yours, his kisses were messier than taesan's but lighter and not that warm nor deep, his tongue brushed against yours and you jumped a little when taesan held your hips from behind, kissing your neck and softly moving his hands to the front of your shirt, caressing your already hard nipples through the fabric.

leehan's hands were divided, one cupping your face and the other one holding the hem of your shorts, threatening with pulling it down every once in a while. they were both driving you crazy, the feelings being too good and them being so hot.

you felt taesan's lips leaving your neck with an audible pop and immediately felt leehan pulling away too, both of them dragging you to the bed before taesan took his jeans off and layed down, pulling you to this lap and slowly moaning when he made you grind down on his hard dick, lifting you up enough remove his underwear and for you to remove your shorts.

"fuck" you heard him say when his naked dick finally brushed your cunt, seeing him bite his lip for a bit "leehan, i left the condoms and the stuff on the coffee table below, can you get them?"

"on my way"

"i'm sorry about that, pretty, but we need them" he explained before holding your nape and bringing you down so he could kiss you in the meantime "we're gonna fuck you so good"

so when leehan finally got back, everything started to move fast, the way taesan took the condom and ripped the package with his teeth, putting it on and immediately dropping you on top of his throbbing length, the way he moaned so sweetly yet low when you took it all the way in, biting your own lip and putting your hands on his chest.

you started to move on him, first rocking your hips from the front to the back a little bit and then starting to lift and drop, up and down, a good rhythm being found almost immediately when his hands held your hips and his own hips started to thrust up.

but what startled you was the cold feeling in your ass when leehan's lips attached to your ear, softly whispering "let me get you ready, hm?"

and suddenly he started to circle your hole, playing with the rim of nerves and slowly peeking his finger inside, getting enough lub so that it won't hurt you. taesan also helped, caressing your legs and pulling you in for a kiss while leehan worked you up.

one finger was in and you tensed, a second one got in after a few seconds and you were truly not as nervous as you were five minutes ago. in fact, it felt kinda good now.

so leehan finally picked up a pace and fucked two fingers in and out of your ass, the way taesan's cock was still hard and inside of your pussy creating a delicious friction that made you laugh and roll your eyes.

that was about enough. so leehan finally took his pants off and took place behind you, aligning his dick with your ass after putting the condom on and pushing in without even saying anything, going all the way and making even taesan moan because of the friction.

and then the pace started again, but this time with both of them, taesan fucking your pussy and leehan your ass, both of them doing it fast and deep, leehan's hand around your neck and his arm around your chest to keep you up, taesan playing with your hard nipples.

it was all too good, too perfect, too exquisite. it was driving you crazy.

"oh god, yes, please" you kept repeating, one of your own hands going to your clit to play with it and furiously rub it. you were so overwhelmed that you knew you were going to come at any moment. "you feel so good. you both fuck me so well"

and they just kept pushing, desperately looking for release and finding it when taesan came first, your warm and wet walls bringing him to the edge. also, watching you from below while leehan also fucked you, held your neck with his hand and both of you moaning?? taesan was a visual and audio man, that was too much.

but leehan, on the other side, is a man of feelings. so when he felt your pussy throbbing around taesan's dick after he came, causing you to cum too and tense your ass walls, he couldn't hold it either, giving you a deep and sharp thrust before finishing.

"goddamn" was all the younger male said, letting his grab on you go and you falling on taesan's chest, immediately being held on a hug by him and feeling your cheeks being kissed. "that was crazy good"

"it was" you confirmed and taesan just mumbled in agreement, hiding his face in the crook of your neck before you felt leehan pulling out. "are you guys staying for dinner?"

"i thought you said you weren't hungry" leehan started with some fun on his voice. "although the way your pussy and ass ate our cocks says otherwise"

but you just didn't have the strength to fight him back this time, just lazily laughing against taesan's skin and closing your eyes to rest, leehan went to lay down with you both and took a sheet to cover your naked bodies.

taesan held you close but made you lay on the bed, between him and leehan, you still having his cock inside your pussy tho. just laying there, being hugged by the two boys and comfortably falling asleep on their arms.

jaehyun was not coming home until the day after tomorrow so you will have time to do this again and then talk it out with the pillow to not feel so bad about it.

but c'mon, what were you supposed to do? he was out of town and his two friends were soooooo hot.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Hello,

I have a writing prompt for Michael Kaiser (Blue Lock): Kaiser gets into a pr relationship with an actress and they eventually bond and fall in love.

I think he would have a hard time because of his feelings of worthlessness, but this guy has so much potential, I swear, I love him so much.

If you want to go for a "dark side of Hollywood" type of concept, imagine: a young girl who was raised under the pressure of becoming "the perfect star" and surrounded by the chaos of the industry (Idk, the movie Black Swan comes to mind, or the typical representation of Marilyn's life, something along the lines). I think he could bond with someone who is in a similar mind space as him, but who externalizes it differently, remaining kind and such. He definitely needs someone who is empathetic and can see through his insecurities, and I really like the concept of two characters who are hurt helping each other heal.

If you don't want that much drama, scratch the idea of a hurt oc. Think about someone with an "entrepreneur" mindset: someone ambitious, confident, and level headed, who (again) is empathetic and would call him out and help him grow (I'm thinking about sae, but emotionally competent lol).

You don't really have to go for any of this though, it's just meant to get you inspired to write something for my boy Kaiser. I hope it's not too much. Also, there's no rush at all!!

Thank you in advance. I hope you have a good day 🩷

── THE INSTRUMENT

Synopsis: Michael Kaiser is like a rose, and you are the songbird he cannot bear to lose.

Event Masterlist

Pairing: Kaiser x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 6.8k

Content Warnings: fake dating trope, implied/referenced abuse, call me tabito karasu the way i assassinate kaiser’s character in this, open ending, relationship dynamics many would consider…interesting…

A/N: hiiii anon ty for requesting!! i hope that i wrote kaiser in a somewhat satisfactory way 😫 this is my first time writing for him so idk if i got him right 😓 also i have NO idea why but for some reason i decided to write this in the present tense which i literally have never done?? so if it sounds off that’s why 💔 i’m so sorry i really don’t know what possessed me SKDJFSHKL

Additional: part of my 500 follower event! see the event description and rules to make a request of your own.

It’s hot and like a bruise, your first phone call with Michael Kaiser. He’s that brand of aggravating and just shy of painful to speak with; morbidly, you wish for the conversation to manifest as some kind of actual injury, perhaps on your upper arm, so you can poke at it until it is tender and blooming. But of course, that sort of thing isn’t possible, so you amuse yourself by tapping your fingers against the counter and considering what you might eat for dinner.

“Did you hear me?” he snaps when you do not respond to his proposition immediately. He speaks with an accent, clipped and short, lending severity to his words even when he’s saying nothing of note. “Miss L/N. It’s in both of our best interests to cooperate.”

He’s not wrong about this. It’s the only reason you’ve stayed on the call for as long as you have — it’s in your best interest. It’s the same for him, too, and the thought almost makes you laugh, because who would’ve expected your interests and his to ever align?

“Of course I heard you,” you say, twisting open your bottle of water, taking a sip and idly wondering if he can hear an accent when you speak, too. It’s difficult for you to notice your own, but maybe to him, you sound as odd as he does to you. “You should learn patience, Mr. Kaiser. Such a heavy request you’re making of me, and yet you demand my answer immediately?”

He huffs. “It’s not something you need to dwell on.”

“It might be,” you say, though it’s not at all. Your mind was made up the moment he asked; everything after that has been nothing more than a ploy to irritate him. You’re good at that, at irritating people. Michael Kaiser is not an exception.

“Miss L/N,” he says again, something like a darker version of pleading creeping into his tone. “Your answer. Now.”

“Well, you already knew before you asked, didn’t you? Naturally, I’ll do it,” you say. “It’s a mutually beneficial partnership. Though I expect you to really try your best, Mr. Kaiser, or else it’ll all be for naught.”

“I could say the same to you,” he says.

“Between the two of us, who is the actress?” you say, chuckling when he is silent. “I am sure that I will be convincing. It’s you who I worry for. Hiding your true feelings has never been one of your strengths, has it? Or you wouldn’t be speaking to me at all.”

“Shut up,” he says after a moment has passed. “I doubt your acting skills are anything to brag about.”

“I know you’ve watched my movies,” you say, and when he doesn’t refute this, you beam. “Have you really?”

“Only because someone I know suggested I should,” he says. “If I want to love you, then I have to understand you. That’s what he told me.”

“And what did you think?” you say.

“I thought that I don’t plan to love you at all, and then I told him as much,” he says, the force of his eye roll transmitting even over the phone. You’re not sure if he’s acting deliberately obtuse or if he really thinks you care about this inane conversation he’s describing, but either way you sigh, because his answer is so telling of his personality.

“I was talking about my movies,” you say.

“I don’t prefer the genre,” he says, and then he’s hanging up with a promise to call you later, if he is so inclined. He doesn’t tell you not to call him, but you feel like he implies it, so you vow to set your phone aside and pay him no mind for the rest of your evening.

I’m dating Michael Kaiser, you type in the body of your email to your manager, who you are certain will be so delighted by this news that he will combust spontaneously upon hearing it. You want to type it again, this unbelievable turn of events, so you do. I’m dating Michael Kaiser. Then you delete the repetition, reverting it once again into a formal email, instead of a giddy celebration over an event which should not prompt giddiness or anything resembling it.

It’s a relationship meant to salvage his ruined reputation and boost your career in one fell swoop, and so it’s a relationship that can only work if it’s formed between you two in particular. He, who is a foul-mouthed soccer prodigy, known better for his crass treatment of others than any actual skills he may possess, and you, a rising star who will do anything to be famous and are already of a serviceable status to be seen with him.

Despite your burst of excitement, the prospect of dating Michael Kaiser isn’t actually a thrilling one. The rumors of his horrid demeanor aren’t rumors, and you know this well, albeit through secondhand accounts. Cruelty is the way that he operates, his so-to-speak basal mode, and because it is so intrinsic to his being, you do not fancy that he will deviate from that malicious rule, even for you.

But you are accustomed to a false existence. Donning a facade and masquerading as a person who you are not is the only thing you are good at, are good for, and this time is no different than every other. You will put on the mask of a woman who is loved by Michael Kaiser, who has tamed that mad emperor and turned him into her sweet pet, and you will once again fool the world into believing you.  

He’s doing an interview today. You’re only aware because he texts you right before and tells you to turn on the TV to a channel you’d never choose if you had a say in the matter. But you’re intrigued and he refuses to explain further, so you do as he commands and find yourself watching as he reclines back in a leather armchair and smirks at the host, who’s clearly nervous.

She’s pretty, her hands shaking but her expression serious. You’ve never seen her before, which means she’s new. Of course, that’s not a surprise; only someone very inexperienced or very stupid would invite Michael Kaiser to their show, and she does not seem to be particularly stupid, so her affliction is the first. 

“Um, Mr. Kaiser, it’s a pleasure to have you with us,” she says, like she cannot quite believe that he is actually there, or like she is afraid of what he might take offense at, or some combination of the two.

“It’s a pleasure to be here,” he says, all roguish and self-assured, which is such a contrast to his typically surly demeanor that you have to commend the girl for keeping her composure.

They speak at length about his soccer career, throwing around words you do not understand and do not care to. It’s so boring you almost power down the television and tell him you think as much, but then the girl clears her throat, her face turning a comical shade of red as her fists clench the paper she’s been reading off of.

“This last question is from our viewers, but it’s personal, so if you don’t want to answer, then it’s not a problem,” she says, squirming in her chair, probably hoping he does not humiliate her. It will be bad for her career if he does, even if by now everyone knows what kind of person he is.

“Go on, then. I feel like we’ve built a rapport here, so I don’t mind it as much if it’s from you,” he says. It’s a perfectly packaged sentiment. His PR team must have tortured him into this new persona. You try to imagine it — it’s definitely a humorous thought, picturing the Bastard München representative slamming Michael Kaiser’s face into a bowl of water for every snarky comment he makes. Unrealistic, though. They would never risk compromising his performance like that.

“There’s rumors that you’re seeing Y/N L/N, the actress. A source who claims to be close to you both mentioned it online, and people can’t stop talking about the possibility. Neither you nor Miss L/N have addressed it, though, and our viewers were hoping you might…?” She cringes back, already preparing for one of his tirades, but he only smiles genially and winks at the camera. You remind yourself to tell him later that he’s laying it on too thick, even if you are enjoying this new character that he’s playing up for the sake of it.

“Y/N L/N? I’m shocked that you think I’m handsome enough to date someone like her,” he says. Your phone buzzes — it’s your manager, crowing about how impressed he is with your ‘boyfriend’ and his presence of mind. 

“So it’s a no?” the interviewer says, almost hopefully. He’s mysterious when he shrugs, mysterious and more than a little coy, as if she’s flattering him and he’s too shy to accept the praise.

“If Miss L/N ever deems me to be worthy of her, then it’s a yes in a heartbeat,” he says. It’s an excellent setup for his redemption, and the girl plays into it so beautifully that you tell your manager to send her flowers or some chocolate at the earliest possible opportunity.

“I think that you’ve shown yourself to be an excellent candidate today,” she says.

“Have I? I’ve really been trying to prove myself,” he says. Dreamy sighs ripple through the live studio audience. Someone whistles. It’s all very romantic and fairy-tale-esque, although he is far from being any kind of prince.

“You’re doing great,” the girl assures him. “I’m sure that, if Miss L/N is watching, she’ll have no choice but to be smitten.”

“If she’s watching? Oh, the thought didn’t even cross my mind,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. You shouldn’t have doubted him and his audacity; he’s fallen into the role as if he were born to play it. “How embarrassing. I’ve just confessed to her on live television without even knowing if she’s interested…”

He’s actually blushing. You are doubly awed — he’s a natural-born talent. It’s a shame that he’s devoted to soccer; he could make it out like a bandit in the acting industry.

“No, no, don’t be embarrassed. How could she ever reject someone like you?” she assures him. How, indeed! At the moment, you are so pleased that you could kiss him. He’s better than any co-star you’ve ever had to work with, in that he is making your job exponentially easier instead of exponentially more difficult.

“If she really is watching, then I can only pray she heard you say that part,” he says, waving in greeting, presumably at you. “Hello, Miss L/N. I really admire you, so if you find me at all agreeable, then I would quite like it if you would say yes to the date I’m going to ask you on.”

He’s made the world swoon and your social media mentions triple. People are begging you to say yes, to give him a chance, to see how he has changed. They want to live through you, and you will let them.

When he calls you, you tell him you were thrilled by his performance. This causes him to shoot back that he finds you insufferable and condescending, to which you say that it’s what makes you and him such a perfect pair. Then you recite an address, and he asks you what you’re going on about. You answer that it is the place where you will have your first date, and then you hang up before he can respond, just so that you can deny him the chance to do it to you first. 

Cameras flash in your faces as you enter the restaurant your manager has booked a reservation at. Michael Kaiser’s arm is wrapped around your waist, and it’s nauseatingly domestic, the kind of scene that would be the cover for one of those coming-of-age movies your agent loves booking for you. You wait for the frantic sound of camera shutters to slow, and then you tug on his sleeve.

“What is it?” he says. It’s quiet enough that no one else can hear, which is why it’s devoid of any warmth, but you are unruffled.

“Your tie,” you say. “It’s not crooked, but we will pretend that it is, and I’ll fix it so that there is something sweet to accompany the tabloid articles that will come out tomorrow.”

Your hands reach for his neck, and he does something you do not comprehend — flinching back, he shakes his head. When he realizes he’s done this, he grits his teeth, like the anger can make up for the temporary weakness. You do not press the issue, merely furrowing your brow and gazing up at him, doing your best to ensure that your eyes remain soft, so that the exchange is not misinterpreted by the parasites around you.

“No,” he says. “Do something else, but leave my tie alone.”

“Alright,” you say. It’s not sensible for you to argue, and anyways it doesn’t matter much what you are doing, as long as you are doing something. Humming to yourself, you adjust the lapels of his jacket. The cameras go off again. You pretend like you do not notice, like the world consists of only you two, and then you interlace your fingers with his, allowing him to drag you into the restaurant behind him.

It’s your turn to be interviewed. You’re wearing a dress, your legs crossed at the ankles — it’s demure and practical and prevents anyone from leering at you, so it’s been a habit of yours for quite a while. The interviewer is female, though, which calms you a bit. She’s older, around your mother’s age, and the wrinkles on her forehead remind you that you should call your parents and arrange for them to meet your doting boyfriend.

“Miss L/N, I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am to finally meet you!” the woman says. You think her name may be Anne, but she hasn’t introduced herself to you yet, so you’re not certain.

“You are too kind. If anything, it’s an honor for me to be here,” you say. The audience really likes that, when you are humble and shy and so darling. It’s palatable and easy for them to digest, or that’s what your manager tells you. 

“Tell us about your upcoming projects,” she says after giving you the appropriate amount of praise for your charming personality.

“I’m currently shooting a new romantic comedy, but I’m afraid it’s all very hush-hush, so I can’t say too much about it. I think you all will really enjoy it, though, and I’m looking forward to the day that we can discuss it at length,” you say. 

The conversation goes on like that for a bit, but you know she’s going through the motions because she has to, not because she wants to. There’s only one question she cares to ask, but if she just talks to you about your boyfriend and not your own accomplishments, then she’ll be blasted online as an anti-feminist. You hear quite frequently that this is akin to suicide in the world of marketing, so you can’t blame her.

That doesn’t stop you from having some fun. When she’s exhausted every possible avenue of questioning you about your future plans and past successes, you make as if you’re going to stand up and leave. Panic leaps across her face, and you snicker.

“We’ve spoken at such length about my acting career. You can’t possibly have any more questions about it, hm? You probably know more than my manager does!” Your attitude is balanced out by the joke. The audience laughs. It’s a fine line that you walk, but if you do not have the chance to act sharper every now and again, you believe you will die — internally if not externally — so you take such risks when you can justify them to yourself.

“You’re dating Michael Kaiser now, aren’t you?” she says. It’s a rancid curiosity she hides with a motherly type of concern. You brush off your legs, recross them, and tuck a piece of hair behind your ear.

“I am,” you say. You don’t have to play the games that he did; you both are established now. Official. A bona-fide couple. Anyways, it’s more appealing if you are outright with it.

“How has that been? You’ve really made a difference in that young man’s life, it seems,” she says.

The best way to lie is to tell the truth. “Yes, I suppose I have, but he has made an equal difference in mine. He is as good for me as I am for him; truly, I never understood what it meant when my parents called each other their ‘better halves’ until we met.”

In an hour, there will be thousands of posts online about this. If Y/N and Michael break up, then I don’t believe in love anymore! Maybe soulmates are real! Couple goals! These are the kinds of captions you are anticipating. The two of you will send screenshots to one another and laugh about how gullible the world is, and then you will strategically plan which comments to like and posts to favorite so that your message goes through. That’s the extent of your relationship with him, really, at least when the two of you are alone. The detachedness makes things much easier than they otherwise would be.

“There’s a popular theory going around that the two of you have had a secret wedding already. Is it true? Am I speaking to Mrs. Kaiser at the moment?” she says, eyes glittering like a vulture’s. She’s ready to pounce on any hesitation, any brief indecision that you might show, but you have spent more time in the spotlight than in your own parents’ home, so you don’t even waver.

“Marriage! I think we’re a bit too early in our relationship to be considering such things, and a bit too early in our lives to be rushing into major decisions like that,” you say. “If and when the time comes, you’ll be the first to know, but it won’t be for a while.”

It won’t be at all, actually. This relationship is not going to last for more than another month. Once the buzz surrounding you two dies, you and he will quietly split. It’ll be as if you never met in the first place.

Your phone rings as you’re leaving the studio. The caller ID says that it is Michael Kaiser, and the thought that he was watching your interview in the same way you watched his makes you feel odd.

“Hello?” you say.

“I’m not gonna marry you. Never-fucking-ever. If you’re expecting a ring, then put it out of your mind.”

“I wasn’t,” you say. “How else would you have liked me to answer that question?”

“Fuck if I know.”

Neither of you hang up on the other — you don’t think you can summon the wherewithal to, which is out of character for him but typical for you — though you both also don’t speak any further. He stays on the line while you drive home, breathing softly like he is sleeping, but you are sure that he is not. The point of it is lost on you, but then you drive into a tunnel and the call ends on its own, so it’s moot anyways. 

Your parents are excited to meet Michael Kaiser. They’ve read up on him extensively, watched all his interviews and even his game highlights. Your mother calls you the night before just so she can gush to you about how handsome he is, how you’ve really done well for yourself this time around. Her approval is nice to have, though superfluous, like a luxury soap or perfume. 

Your father is the one who suggests you all go golfing. You don’t know how to play, and neither does your mother, but you recognize it’s his attempt at connecting with who he thinks is your boyfriend, so you accept. You’re not sure if Michael Kaiser knows how to play golf, or really anything besides soccer, but he is game enough to come that you suppose he must.

It’s warm out, the sun beating down on your father’s brow as he lines up the ball with his club. Michael Kaiser stands on his left, and you think he’s somehow beautiful in this lighting. Not beautiful how your many attractive coworkers are, but in a manner which is distinctly him and therefore utterly irreproducible. His body is lean and graceful, his hair shaggy and gold, though he’s dyed the tips blue in what you’re sure is a statement. The shade matches his eyes, and also the inked roses on his neck. You have long ago come to the conclusion that the flowers are also a part of that same statement, but you have yet to discover what that statement might be. 

“He’s an improvement from that last boyfriend of yours,” your mother says, leaning back so that she can pour the last few drops of soda from her empty can into her throat. You and her are sitting together in the golf cart, seeking refuge in the shade of its plastic roof, sharing the drinks that your father had bought for himself and forgotten about the instant he stepped onto the golf course.

“He is,” you say. That’s not an exaggeration, nor is it something incredible. Your last boyfriend was an old classmate of yours who loved your celebrity more than he loved you. Michael Kaiser doesn’t love you, either, but he is honest about it, and you do not love him back, so there is no resentment between you and him.

“I like the way he looks at you,” your mother says. There’s a hiss as she opens a new can of soda. It’s a vice, but whenever you remind her of it, she dismisses you. She wants to have fun while she’s on this earth, apparently. Maybe drinking five cans of soda in one sitting means her life will be shorter, but life without soda isn’t worth living anyways, or something like that. The reasoning is stupid, but you know she is loyal to it, so you have to accept it. “It’s refreshing. So gentle. You’ll be talking to someone else, and he’ll just be staring at you like he can’t quite believe you’re his.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” you say. 

Your mother is about to say something else, but she is interrupted by a loud whoop. Michael Kaiser has hit a hole-in-one, and before you can tell him to stop embarrassing himself, your father is cheering, throwing his arms around him and calling him son.

“Your father likes him, too,” your mother said. 

“Oh, he needs to stop that! I can’t believe he’s making things so awkward,” you say, getting up to reprimand him before realizing that there is an entirely foreign sheen to Michael Kaiser’s eyes as he rests his chin on your father’s shoulder. He is not quite smiling, but it is a close approximation of the expression, and when your father ruffles his hair and says that it may have been beginner’s luck but he’s proud regardless, the curve of his lips becomes deeper.

You don’t understand, but you don’t need to. You may have facilitated it, but the moment belongs to him, and your presence is as unwanted as it is unnecessary.

You sit back down and take a sip of your mother’s soda. She grins knowingly and says that you look like you are in love, too. You don’t have the heart to tell her the truth, so you hum noncommittally and say that you might be.

You are growing fond of Michael Kaiser. It isn’t a slow realization — actually, it hits you very suddenly one day. He hands you a bouquet of flowers before opening the passenger door of his car for you. You ask him why he’s brought you peonies instead of roses, and he says it’s because he despises roses. It’s such an absurd answer and he says it with such a straight face that you have to cough in order to disguise your choked laughter. 

“Those must be some other kind of flower, then,” you say, pointing at but not touching his tattoos, at the delicate petals which fold over his pulse, azure and bright and silky. 

“No, those are roses,” he says, his knuckles growing white on the steering wheel. Normally, you wouldn’t ask further, but today you want to prod at his bruise of an existence, so you turn the music down and hug the peonies to your chest.

“But you despise roses,” you say.

“It’s a good reminder,” he says. “No flower lies quite as well as a rose does.”

That is when you are certain that you are partial to him. It is an unavoidable fact and also a treacherous one, but true notwithstanding. 

You put the peonies in a vase of water when you get home that night and hope they never die, although you know that they will be gone within the week. It’s how time works. The peonies will die and you two will break up and you’ll have nothing but a bare kitchen counter and thoughts of his intricacies to remember him by. 

There are no paparazzi around on the night when he wraps your hands around his throat. You are alone with him, sequestered away in the living room of his mansion, a bowl of popcorn shoved between the two of you while a movie plays in the background. This seclusion defeats the original purpose of the relationship entirely, but you sense that that original purpose is no longer fully applicable, so you do not refuse when he calls you and demands you come.

There’s a blanket tossed over your legs, the brilliant colors of his soccer club’s emblem faded from repeated washes. It’s warm, and if you were not busily eating most of the popcorn, you’d pull it up around your shoulders. As for Michael Kaiser, he’s facing the screen, his hair tied back in a knot, a pair of glasses resting on the bridge of his nose and reflecting the visage of the lead actress as she laughs. You observe him as you snack. You’ve seen this movie before and didn’t really like it, so you’re not missing much. He’s more interesting by far.

“I know that woman,” you say, so that he has to acknowledge you.

“Hm,” he says.

“She’s a jerk,” you say. 

“Sounds like your kind of company,” he says. You scoff, because he’s not wrong. He keeps watching the movie, and you keep watching him, until a thought occurs to you.

“Can I call you Michael? Even when it’s just us two,” you ask. He purses his lips. The actress screams. Her character has just died, but the scene is poorly shot and even more poorly acted, so it’s not as heart-wrenching as it should be. You would’ve done better, but your agent doesn’t want you taking any gory roles, and your manager agrees. In his professional opinion, it’ll ruin the doll-like persona you’ve spent so long cultivating. He’s probably right. It’s hard to adore a doll once you’ve watched it die so gruesomely.

“You can do whatever you want,” he says.

“Okay,” you say, swallowing another mouthful of popcorn, the salt lingering on your tongue long after the popcorn itself is gone. “Michael.”

“Yes?” he says.

“Nothing,” you say. “I just wanted to say your name.”

“Okay,” he says. “Y/N?”

He’s never called you that in private. Of course, when you’re out and about, he must refer to you with such familiarity, but in private you’ve never been anything but Miss L/N. It’s a change but a good one. You don’t want to ever be Miss L/N again. Not to him.

“Yes?” you say.

“I’m trying to watch this movie,” he says. “It has high ratings, so be quiet and allow me to finish.”

“It’s shitty,” you say, yawning and leaning back against the mountain of pillows you’ve created for yourself. “Overly gratuitous with its use of fake blood.”

“Right, because that’s a cardinal sin,” he says dryly.

“Sorry, but it’s hard to enjoy films when you know how they’re made,” you say. He picks up the remote and pauses the movie. You blink, because that’s about the last thing you expected from him. Then he turns the TV off entirely and you realize you’ll probably never be able to predict what he does next, so you should stop trying already.

“I know how movies are made,” he says.

“Did you have a secret acting career you never told me about?” you say. It’s a joke, but you also wouldn’t be surprised if it’s true. He’s taken to performing like a fish takes to water, and every day you tell him he should quit soccer and devote his life to cinema because of this uncanny skill.

“Not me, but my mother was an actress, and my father was a director,” he says. 

“Was?” you say.

“Maybe they still are,” he says. “I don’t know. We’re not on speaking terms.”

“Why not?” you say. He takes your hands in between his, and you can make out immediately that his instinct is to hurt you, to press his fingertips into your wrists so hard that they leave marks. It’s to his credit that he fights back the urge, fights it back and arranges your palms against his carotid arteries. His jaw clenches and his pupils dilate as he waits for you to realize; when you do, you rip your hands away for fear of wounding him further.

“Don’t pity me,” he instructs you, unpausing the movie like nothing happened. “And don’t ever bring it up again.” 

Now that you have his permission to refer to him only by his name, you develop a strange fascination with saying it. He’s amused by your new fixation, answering you in a lilting tone every time you call for him.

According to him, you are like a small nightingale, always warbling, always happy, fluttering around beside him and changing his mood for the better. Well, if you are like a nightingale, then he is like a dog, and you tell him as much when you are sitting across from him at a coffee shop.

“A dog?” he repeats, his face pinching. He’s just taken a swig of the black coffee he always orders, but you know his disgusted expression isn’t a symptom of the beverage’s bitterness. “Take that back.”

“Not in a bad way,” you say. Your own drink is sweet, so you sip on it slowly to prevent a stomach ache. “I’m not calling you pathetic. I just mean that you are amiable and lively. It’s a compliment.”

“It’s not who I really am,” he says. “Have I deceived even you? Amiable? Lively? Remember why this entire scam began in the first place — because I am neither of those things.”

“Right,” you say. “A peacock, then. Terribly vain and entirely alluring.”

He relaxes and raises his cup to his mouth again. He’ll be up late tonight, he always is when he has coffee, but it never stops him from drinking it. “That’s better.”

The reminder that whatever you have with him is not real stings more than it should. You throw away your drink almost untouched, which does cause him to raise an eyebrow, but thankfully he refrains from commenting. It’s a relief, because you don’t even know how to explain it to yourself, let alone him.

He walks you to your front porch and waits with crossed arms as you fish for the key in your purse, shoving it in the lock once you have it in your grasp. His farewell when you open the door is stilted and abnormal, so you stop him with a hand on his arm before he can go.

“Michael,” you say. You’ve never said his name like this before. It comes from a place raw and deep within you, a place that you are certain is purple and black like a wound. You say it like you love him, and you think it must be because you do.

“Yes?” he says. It’s the way he always responds to you, his voice like a song, a small smile on his ordinarily strict face — though today, he is not smiling. Instead, he is frowning, like he has come to an understanding that he would have rather not reached.

“Never mind,” you say. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye,” he says. He drives away, his car disappearing around the corner, leaving you standing alone in the still-open doorway and wondering how you will survive the day when he disappears permanently. 

You’re not sure what it is about him that makes pretending difficult, but suddenly, it’s a struggle for you to maintain your aloof front. You find it disconcerting, that he has taken this aspect of your identity and rendered it entirely null and void; it’s even more disconcerting that he has done it unwittingly and unsympathetically. If you loved him any less, you would hate him, because he has stolen who you are and left you blind and fumbling, but you fell for him, and the way you landed broke something fundamental, so that it is impossible for you to get back up. 

“I think that I love you,” you say. You are on his couch again, and there is a movie playing again, which is all too similar to a past scenario that you think about when you are lonely. Tonight, it’s some soccer documentary that you find so tedious you are driven to irrationality. 

He drops the glass of water in his hands; you reach out and catch it before it can spill, setting it on the table in front of you. 

“What?” he says. You shrug.

“I love you,” you say again, and you’re flippant about it because you’re not telling him in the hopes he loves you, too. In fact, you know that he does not, so you are using him as a confessional; after all, the minimum he owes you is sharing the burden of this sin.

“There’s no one around,” he says. “You don’t have to lie. It won’t gain us anything.”

“It hasn’t gained us anything in a long while,” you say. It’s true — your relationship isn’t trending anymore, and most of your dates are in locations where you will not be recognized. 

He stands up. The documentary continues as he paces, and a referee blows a whistle while he tangles his fingers in his hair and pulls. You stay on the couch, your eyes following his erratic movements, your hands folded in your lap.

“No, you don’t,” he says.

“I don’t what?” you say.

“You don’t love me,” he says. He wants to sound callous, you are sure of it, but the effect is lost on you. He sounds more lost than anything.

“But I do,” you respond. “Who are you to tell me I don’t?”

“Don’t,” he says. “Stop it. This instant.”

You laugh incredulously. “Do you think it’s that easy? I wouldn’t feel like this in the first place if it was.”

“Why?” he says. He’s still pacing. It’s like watching a tiger in a zoo. You want to study him, but he demands your attention in a different way. “Y/N. Why me? Why at all?”

“The reasons don’t matter, do they? I can tell you, but they won’t change anything,” you say, shrugging. “If you find yourself in the kitchen, bring water back for me. I’m thirsty.”

“Drink mine,” he says, pointing at the cup you had narrowly saved from disaster. “And quit your avoidance. Tell it to me plainly. Why?”

“Because you are you,” you say once you have drained half of his glass and your tongue is not quite as papery. “It’s a series of things; there’s not just one concrete reason. You hate roses and only drink black coffee. My mother thinks you’re handsome and my father is convinced you’re a golfing genius. You are a dog but also a peacock and then again an emperor. Don’t ask ridiculous questions and expect me to answer them when I cannot.”

“I’ll hurt you,” he says. “I’ll hurt you, Y/N, and I don’t — I don’t want to. You’re the only one who I don’t want to hurt, so just give up. It’s for the better if you do.”

“You won’t,” you say. “I don’t think you can.”

“Of course I can,” he says. “It’s the one thing I’m capable of. The only way I know how to love someone is by hurting them. I’ll do the same to you if you let me, and if you’re telling the truth, then you will let me.”

“Because I love you?” you say. “You think I’ll let you hurt me because I love you? For shame, Michael. I thought you knew me better than that.”

“Please,” he says. It’s a word he’s never said, not to you and not in his life. Its weight hangs before you, pulsating in the air like it’s tangible. “If I love you, I’ll destroy you. And then you’ll leave, and it’ll destroy me.”

It’s a selfless desire that he’s disguising as a selfish one. You’re good at pretending, but you’re not good at telling when others are. That much is obvious, because if you had any talent at the latter then you would’ve seen that he’s loved you for as long as you have loved him, maybe longer. He loves you and so he’s urging you to flee, to destroy him before he can do it to you first.

“Damned if I do and damned if I don’t, huh?” you say, exhaling and finishing off the rest of his water. “Listen to me.”

“No,” he says. His obstinance is endearing, but you throw a pillow at him instead of cooing like you want to. He catches it and tosses it back. It lands beside you with a thump. You pat it for emphasis.

“Yes,” you say. “I love you.”

He plugs his ears with his fingers. “Nope.”

“I love you, I love you — hey, I know you can hear me!” you say.

“La la la,” he shouts over your voice, sticking his tongue out petulantly. “I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you!”

“You’re cruel,” you say. “I won’t deny it. I know who you really are, Michael Kaiser. You possess cruelty in spades, but it’s in the way that a rose does. You have grown malice like thorns so that no one may come near your heart, and you think these thorns will tear me apart when I extend my hand past them. What you aren’t accounting for is that I have done so already. I have reached your heart and still I am intact. Now, what is there to cause me harm — a mere flower? But a flower can’t cause anyone harm, least of all a person such as myself. You can’t, or more importantly you won’t. I believe that you won’t.”

He stares at you. The soccer team in the documentary still playing behind him scores, and the crowd roars in approval. You stare back at him and wait.

“I hate roses,” he finally says. “I hate them a lot. They’re the worst kind of flower.”

“I don’t know about that,” you say. “I quite fancy them.”

“They prick your fingers,” he says.

“Not if you are gentle,” you say. “Not if you understand them.”

He buries his face in his hands. “Go home, Y/N.”

You do as you are told, flagging a taxi and shivering while you wait for it. You wish for things to be different, but the amount of unfulfilled wishes you’ve made outnumber the stars in the sky, so you add this one to the list and vow to move on.

You have no desire to leave your bed the next morning, but you are also hungry, and your hunger wins out over your despair. You muster up the energy to roll out of your sheets and trudge downstairs, but you are miserable as you do so. You are utterly miserable, and the fact that you are only worsens the feeling, trapping you in an endless kind of loop.

When you enter your kitchen, you are surprised to see a pot of flowers sitting innocently on your counter. You didn’t put them there, so you should feel afraid, but they’re roses, and they’re the same arresting shade as the sky, so you don’t. You only grin, slowly and then all at once as you begin to giggle helplessly.

There isn’t a card or an explanation provided, but you don’t need either. You already know who they are from.

[annislittleshopofhorrors]

You know, I love your blog and your funny/shady comments about 🐟 unable to handle her husband getting the attention and not her.

But I’ll admit, I always laughed it off because we can say that but nobody really knows what’s happening.

Until yesterday. LMAO. I know, I’m sorry for not really listening to some of y’all… but she needs some serious help and for once, to put down her goddamn phone.

I also realized that I knew she was going to try and do something to put the attention back on her and nothing she does on IG is ever a coincidence. This is the actions of a very manipulative but also very stupid individual with narcissistic tendencies. To her five asskissers, look away.

She follows that light and dwell designer the day after people made fun of her for showing her PT apt (btw, now I wonder if she was hoping people would think it was the house her husband was allegedly building for her in PT like some blogs believe)

When that didn’t work, follow this designer lady back after months (funny how she does this quite often when she’s not getting the attention she wants).

Follows some random directors. She still wants a job. That custom ugly furniture ain’t gunna pay for itself!

Posts a random photo dump of suggestive photos to indicate nothing but also making sure the ones who care will try and figure out if she’s in MA, NY, NYC, Canada, Wherever the narrative of where she lives fits.

meanwhile, her husband is in NYC filming with his attractive female costar who is much more well known than her (even if it’s the nepo baby comments) and has two films of her own coming out this month and her Madame web movie is still doing pretty well on Netflix.

Their pap photos are much better received by the general public and have comments shipping them and wishing they were together instead. Yikes!! Also…they actually do look good together. They fit.

Btw, I don’t think 🐟 is jealous of Dakota because of Chris. TBH, I don’t think she’s into her “husband” at all. From her actions, she doesn’t care about him or his well being. She cares about what his name can do for her. That’s it. And right now his name is being lumped with Dakota and not hers and I think it’s pissing her off. She needs to get those cheap outfits comped one way or another and her Liberia film isn’t cutting it. Miumiu not calling her back and nobody wants to see her in a solo pap walk….so.

Sorry to all the team asslickers on here but even you have to admit yesterday was a hilarious show your ass moment.

Sidenote: I like to think CE is putting on a bigger effort to look like he likes Dakota because Celine song is directing this film and he wants to do well for her. And also, he seems to simply just like Dakota. She’s pretty hilarious in her own right when she’s not being a flat actress 🤣 and maybe…just maybe, he wants to show you all whose watching that he does know how to act like he’s in love with someone. He just didn’t want to the last time he was in that park.

😉❤️

Yep, she doesn't care about him (and I don't think he cares about her). It's all about using his name to be mentioned in some gossip magazines. Otherwise these magazines wouldn't talk about her. And even the Portuguese magazines have to mention him when they talk about her. The Portuguese people don't care about her. I'm not even sure if they know her name.

[sungbyhoon]

over 85 ౨ৎ

Finding out that Jake had a night shift the day after visiting your relatives to fix your stressing family issues had obviously been upsetting for you. You ended up being left alone in your room, having nothing to do but scroll on your phone mindlessly in the dim light.

You stared at the texts you had with Jake, reading the messages from him apologizing for not being able to come over until late at night. Don't get him wrong, he always tried his best to be with you; really, sometimes his job just consumes him a little too much.

Unbeknownst to you, as soon as his shift ended, he got his things packed and left his workplace without even greeting his co-workers goodbye, hopping into his car and driving over 85 just to get to you faster.

“Who would care, right? It's 12:34 at night.” He mumbled to himself, his hands placed firmly on the steering wheel. He didn't care if he got called over for speeding, just anything he would do to be there for his baby. — When he got to your house, he parked his car in front of your porch and turned the doorknob to the door that seemed to be locked. “Ah shit, seriously?” He looked around, and above the window was the spare key you told him about the other day, just in case he decided to come over late at night again.

He carefully opened the door to your room, being quiet just in case you were already asleep. There was a sweet-looking sleeping you on the bed, making him smile at the sight. With careful steps, he walked over to you, sat on the bed opposite the side you were on, and gave you a gentle kiss on the forehead. You shuffled slightly, the soft sounds of your warm blanket keeping you snug from the cold air and your skin brushing against the bedsheets being the only thing heard in the room other than the combined sounds of his breathing and yours.

Jake chuckled softly, seeing your eyes flutter open as you smiled upon seeing him. “Hey there, sleepyhead.” He took his jacket off and put it to the side to be able to lay beside you comfortably. After trying to wake you up more with a passionate yet gentle make-out session, and with his arms snaking around your waist, he told you about how he had speeded just to be able to spend more time with you, which you were concerned about yet laughed softly at how cute and thoughtful he was.

“Really? You seriously didn't have to do that... You could have gotten fined if there were any police around, silly.” You teased while looking at his handsome face. “Well, I drove over 85 because I wanted to be by your side, of course.” He smiled back, giving you another quick peck on the lips.

“How cheesy of you, Sim Jaeyun.”

inspired by the song below ^_^ also if you're wondering how he got away with speeding .. WELL in my city there are no police around the main streets when it's late at night so you can kinda get away with 3 ppl on a motorcycle or not wearing a helmet idk LOL it's funny. Philippines amirite. The police don't do much in my area really 💯

[acourtofthought]

Fellow Gwynriel/Elucien here, but I don’t agree with the Nuala and Cerridwen erasure.

Here’s my question: why do you not want Nuala and Cerridwen to be involved in Elain’s story? Why are you so opposed to them having a more active role in Elain’s life?

Despite posting multiple times a day for what I’m presuming is years now, you have never once mentioned them in your blog (which is crazy, considering that Nuala and Cerridwen are indeed relevant to Elain’s character thus far). You didn’t even refer to them by their actual names in the post you made.

The ACOTAR novels rarely feature POC characters at the forefront. Nuala and Cerridwen’s involvement as Elain’s version of Gwyn and Emerie would be a fantastic opportunity to change that.

To date, aside from their spy work (which is never shown on page), they’re only said to be the IC’s servants/handmaidens, which is a particularity problematic stereotype.

Why shouldn’t we wish for more for both Nuala and Cerridwen?

Why couldn’t they be Elain’s own found family? We barely know them yet to make a call one way or another…

Nuala and Cerridwen aren't just the ICs servants or handmaidens, they're the ICs spies so they are already more. I'm also not sure why we have to claim someone who does hard work for others has to be given a more important role in order to be considered valuable. There's nothing wrong with maintaining someone's home.

Of course the main characters of a story go on to have greater purpose but it's a bit odd to claim every side character who works for them is the victim of a harmful stereotype. They're paid well and from what I gather are respected by Rhys so I'm not getting the sense they need to break free of shackles of some sort.

And having two of the NCs spies play a major role in a book feels a little redundant since Az is also one of the ICs spies and chances are high he's getting a book. And Lucien was once said to have been the Spring Court's emissary and possible spymaster so again, another main character who already fills that role. Both POC characters might I add. Which Rhys is, which Amren is, which Cassian is, which Az and Emerie are, which Helion is (and who would play a role in an Elucien book). An Elain pov featuring Nuala and Cerridwen would not be two female POC at the forefront. It would be a white FMC at the forefront with side character female POC, which we did see in SF, which we did see in ACOMAF in Amren. Emerie getting a POV would be a female POC at the forefront.

I'm not even sure the wraiths are technically POC because we're told they're half wraiths made from shadow.

Alis had brown bark like skin because she was a certain sort of fae that resembled the bark of a tree but I don't think she was meant to resemble a particular kind of person in real life. There was the blue fairie with wings in book 1. Again, not really a poc so much as a specific type of fairie. The Suriel was gray, were they written as a POC? I think that's what we're being told of the twins rather than them technically being persons of color the way Kallias, Helion, etc are. Also, Vassa is referred to as having golden brown skin therefore she appears to be written as a poc and would most likely play a major role in Elain's book. Vassa who cared for Elain's father. Even then though, I don't think Elain will have a found family in the same way Nesta and Feyre did, I think she'll have various friends across all courts and lands. If she's to end up in Spring or Day, it wouldn't make sense for her core group of people to be from the human lands or NC.

I also don't recall the fandom demanding justice for Alis having bigger representation though she was also just a servant and only servant.

The reason I didn't refer to them by name is their names are complicated, I didn't want to misspell them and I didn't have my phone beside me at the moment I was typing the post. Not to mention it's a pain to continue writing two long names over and over which is why the fandom often defaults to ship names when possible.

And the reason I'm opposed to them having a more active role in Elain's book is I'm not. I'm not opposed to anything. In fact my fanfiction features Elain interacting with them so your comment that I never address them is incorrect. Many of my posts have addressed that I believe they'll always be friends of Elain, just not her main found family.

What I do when reading these books is try to follow what I believe the author is telling us.

The wraiths have been around since book 1 and if SJM had wanted us to believe they were important to the future novels I feel she would have begun to give us a bit more on them. Look at Jurian for example. He's only ever been a side character yet he's been given tons of dialogue, an interesting backstory, a dimensional personality, character growth and a developing purpose.

Sarah has chosen to keep the wraiths singularly dimensional, not having them share in dialogue with anyone outside Feyre, not giving them a greater role than that which they've had since the start of the series and not writing hints that they'll be relevant to future plots, a lot like she wrote Alis. I love Alis but I can recognize when authors are writing side characters who are meant to only stay side characters. Were the wraiths even in the war? Not to mention if Elain leaves with Lucien, why would they steal centuries loyal workers of the NC from Rhys?

If Elain leaves with Lucien, what need is there for two NC representatives to tag along for their romantic arc as they travel to Spring, to the continent, to Day, etc? Where they will most likely be meeting new people along the way in each place?

I'm not saying we won't see Elain interact with them in her book but no, I don't think they're her found family that she'll journey with.

I don't read books hoping for things that I think the author should do.

I read books and try to anticipate what I think the author is telling us she will do.

My feelings on the wraiths don't matter in the end, what Sarah's feelings on the wraiths do. And based on her patterns and past writing of side characters who were given greater purpose at a later point, Nuala and Cerridwen do not fit that mold.

You claim they are relevant to Elain's story but based on that logic Amren should have played a much bigger role in Nesta's book yet Sarah chose to have Nesta develop a found family outside of the friendship she made prior to her book.

Of course I could be wrong or she could change direction but I'm not going to sit here and theorize that which the author doesn't seem to be hinting at at this point in time.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

my favorite scully and mulder moments from s1

the evergreen classic mulder reaction to a terrified scully knocking at his door in the very first episode- how he checks over her, holds her close, and brings her into his room

(and then ANOTHER instance of examining each other for aliens in episode 8 which was wild. if i had a nickel for each time they had to look at each other's bodies for evidence of aliens, i'd only have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but its weird that it happened twice)

him playing with scully's necklace in episode 3, while admitting he feels "territorial"

the first time he calls scully "dana", right after her father dies- which surprises her so much she mumbles her name back to herself- and he follows up by grabbing her face and gently running his finger over her cheek

(and the first time she tries to call him "fox", after he had been awake for 3 straight days on a stakeout, and she begs him to go home- he laughs and says he even made his parents call him mulder)

((still, she brought him a sandwich and a drink- “if there’s an iced tea in that bag, could be love” “must be fate- root beer”))

scully in Doctor Mode™ after mulder got stuck in the fire in episode 12, trying to give him water as he lays in bed, while he gets all emo and pushes her hand away

when scully gets kidnapped in episode 15 and mulder calls her "dana" again over the phone, her first name slipping out in his fear, then he tells the kidnapper "listen to me, you lay one hand on scully, and so help me god..."

(and THEN he tells everyone going on her rescue mission that this is a very important mission to him, so please everybody do their best)

the endless banter: "i still don't get it. what does this have to do with us?" "robbing a jewelry store is a federal crime" (flatly) "thank you."

when he is at an autopsy with scully in episode 18 and makes it very clear he does Not Want To Be There (but she still is sad he won't join her on her next one in episode 22!)

"happy birthday scully!" (pause of confusion) "you're two months early!"

when she finally listened to the psychic to get evidence for a case in episode 13, trying to make mulder proud- "i'd thought you'd be pleased i'd opened myself to extreme possibilities"- only for him to yell at her for putting herself in danger

(later in the same episode she screamed at the criminal, saying that if he did anything to mulder, she'd kill him herself)

((AND their conversation at the end of that episode when mulder is laying in a hospital bed: "why can't you believe?" "i'm afraid"))

the very empire strikes back coded fighting in the arctic compound in episode 8

"you think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot?" (stunned silence. scholars are still trying to figure out what was going on here)

oh, this one made me weepy: "i have never met anyone so passionate and dedicated to a belief as you. it's so intense, sometimes it's blinding. but there are others who are watching you, who know what i know, and whereas i can respect and admire your passion, they will use it against you. mulder, the truth is out there, but so are lies" aka the episode 17 monologue… what if i melted into a puddle? how would you react to this news? how about mulder the protector turning into mulder the protected?

(also, episode 17 had a moment where he grabbed her shoulder and leaned in and i had to restrain myself)

them having hand signals to indicate watch what you say, we’re being listened to

in episode 18, the preacher’s kid tries to taunt mulder with information about his sister and scully tries to shut him down Immediately

they’re looking for each other in the dark in episode 19 while a wild beast is on the loose and mulder finally kicks open the door and finds scully while she whispers “it’s okay, it’s me, it’s okay”

episode 20, when he shows her a bunch of lumberjacks, which he describes as “rugged manly men in the full bloom of their manhood” and he says she should look for anything unusual or a boyfriend among them... and she laughs

scully losing her mind when the evil cocoon bugs get on her, screaming at mulder to get them off of her, while he holds her still and explains it’s okay as long as they're in the light

(and then they sit on the bed, side by side, talking through the night)

when mulder’s friend dies and she kneels and says to him, “you’ve been through a lot… more than I think you realize” and encourages him to take some time for himself

any episode where they both wear big coats (for the snow in episode 8, or the rain in 20) is an instant classic to me

“mulder, you’re rushing me out of the room… is there a girl coming over?” from episode 11... yeah I laughed. and then laughed even more when he was just hanging out with deep throat in the next scene!

episode 23’s “how was the wedding? Did you catch the bouquet?” “maaaaybe 😊”

and who can forget the finale! she apologizes for doubting his alien leads; “I should know by now to trust your instincts” “why? no one else does” (both smile and i, once again, collapse)

there's so much to unpack here and i could spend a lifetime doing it, but before i watch s2 for the first time i needed to make note of the things that especially made me happy or brought great angst to the forefront; i am studying their dynamic and putting it in a bottle <3

[trimalchiooframshackle]

Ever wonder how in the hell Jay's death goes? well do I HAVE A STORY FOR YOOUUUU!!! INTRODUCING HIS NEW CAUSE OF DEATH WOAH!!!! !

TW: Alcohol abuse, Drug abuse, suicide/suicidal tendencies, self harm, overdose mention, gore, ???

Quick note?? All of this is canon, yes he dies like this ;P LOLZIES!!!!! ALso if its all over the place i apologize i am fighting a moth while writing this /srs kinda curious to know how anyone reacts to it, so... if you wanna put that down or make a post go for it, honestly im kinda considering having this be my closing post but idk yet lol </3

The sound of a gunshot can never be heard over crowds laughing and music blasting. Fireworks in the air, water from the pool splashing... The loud BANG deaf to everyone's ears. How could we know that? The only way it was learned was finding the body of Mr. Jay Gatz. In the highest point of his manor, overlooking the crowd below...

Let's start from square one.

Jay felt... Unwanted. Alone, if you will. As a man who's built himself and his business up only for the sake of overthrowing others, he wasn't the most enjoyed man around. Normally he would've handled this by now. The dread, the self pity, everything he had thought about himself was always kept inside. Why not now? Standing alone, pathetic... In the office he had to himself. Bookcases covering the walls of obscure novels that he hasn't even read, a desk holding messy stacks of various papers, making him feel even worse about himself. A never ending ringing phone before he cut it, the gusts of wind blowing from the outside rustling against the curtains behind him. What a pitiful life.

An outsider. That's all he was, wasn't he? Standing up on that balcony of his, absent to anyones attention besides the solemn glow of the moon above him, and even that was leaving him soon. The fireworks lit up the mansion, the people below, the water, and the champagne bottles crashing and being tossed around to be used. He lit a cigarette, holding it for just a moment then he took a drag.

...After another drag, and another, and another... He put out the cigarette... On his own arm. He winced at the burning feeling against his skin, but another scar wouldn't hurt... Right? Scars were littered all over his body anyway, just another part of him to be ruined. He lit another cigarette then walked inside to grab a bottle of vodka from his own personal storage of alcohol. Never touched unless he was feeling more pathetic than other nights.

Ha, maybe this time he can drink himself to death. Or maybe Perkins will call the ambulance again. Jay hoped to whatever god there was above he wouldn't survive this time. His shaky hands moved to the bottle, bringing it up to his lips before pausing. A week of sobriety.

...He can restart another day. Or in another life, perhaps.

He took a drink. The burn of the alcohol going down his throat being a feeling of discomfort but satisfaction was one that he had somehow managed to miss. Gatz went back out to the balcony, drinking away his sorrows before he couldn't even find himself having any emotion anymore. The rich man could barely hear the knocks at the door, let alone the sound of a man calling for his name.

Soon enough, the door opened unbeknownst to Jay. The only thing that managed to get his attention was a quiet voice coming from the darkened room, lit by only one light. But now... There was another. Then another light on as the person flicked on the light switches. ...Perkins.

➳ ❜ Ah, Jay! I was worried about you, sir! Are you doing alright up here? It's quite... Quiet up here. ❛

No response. Jay turned back to stare into nothing.

➳ ❜ Oh, I see... Maybe you should sit down, I can grab you some tea and- ...Well, maybe not any medicine, I don't want to... Let that happen again. ❛

It wasn't needed to be discussed anymore, it was obvious Perkins was referring to the prior... Attempts Jay had made. In an attempt, Perkins had tried his best to hide anything that Jay could use to end things. As of now, it was working. With a slow approach, Perkins had walked over to Jay. Placing down the lantern he held with a small blow to put it out, he found himself standing next to his boss. Or, rather, his semi-adopted son.

The silence felt like a million years. Perkins, thinking of how to approach this properly, feeling the fatherly need to sit there and just be someone for Jay to lean on, but he knew it wasn't a night for that. All he knew is that he could NEVER leave Jay alone in a state like this. He heard a small mutter of a sob coming from next to him.

╰┈➤ ❜ ...Perkins... Can we go inside? ❛ 

➳ ❜ Of course my boy. ❛

Jay tiredly swung his arm around Perkins shoulders as he got guided back into the office, letting the shorter man take the vodka from his bruised and shaky hand. Within the next minute or so, he found himself sitting in the rather comfortable office chair he had right infront of his desk. Almost immediately he put his arms down on the desk and put his head down on them, shielding his face in some form of fear of what'll happen next.

➳ ❜ Jay- ❛

╰┈➤ ❜ You can leave now Perkins. ...I'm fine on my own. ❛ 

➳ ❜ I'm worried, my boy. I can't just leave you like this. Not because it's my job but it's because I care- ❛

Jay's body tensed. Perkins froze as he could practically feel the cold emotion that came from the man right next to him.

╰┈➤ ❜ You don't have to lie to me, Perkins. ❛ 

Silence. Jay thought he had left, but he hadn't. When Jay lifted up his head he saw Perkins sitting quietly next to him. ...Looks like he's here for a while.

╰┈➤ ❜ ...Am I gonna be left alone forever, Perkins? ❛ 

➳ ❜ Oh- of course not! You have plenty of people who would love to be around you - ❛

╰┈➤ ❜ ...Then why has everyone left me? ...Everyone except you. I can't keep being alone like this. ❛ 

➳ ❜ I know, I know... And I'm not getting any younger... But trust me, I won't leave you all alone. You don't deserve that. ❛

╰┈➤ ❜ ... ❛ 

Jay stood up, then went to grab another bottle of vodka. Perkins got up to take the bottle, only for Jay to look down with a look he has only seen a few times. He was desperate for some form of numbing. ...Perkins sighed. He held up a single finger to signal he can only have one glass.

Jay agreed.

He got the glass and drank it quickly as if it were medicine. And it has been his medicine. Ever since he was younger, more vulnerable. Manipulated, oblivious, it's always been his escape.

╰┈➤ ❜ ...If I were to give you the rest of my wealth, would you let me die? ❛ 

Silence. Shock. A beat went by.

➳ ❜ Of course not. I wouldn't let you die at all. ❛

╰┈➤ ❜ Oh. ❛ 

Jay was quiet again. He exhaled and took a drag of the cigarette he had lit earlier. Blowing it out, he looked to the floor with some thought. Jay then opened a drawer in the desk, rummaging around then he let a metal item clatter into the desk.

A gun.

Perkins froze. He took a step forward and Jay put his hand on the gun. Not as a warning to Perkins, but to himself. The blond male slowly picked it up and showed that it was loaded.

╰┈➤ ❜ I was told I needed therapy. You know, I think I’m too far gone. What’s the point of it if im just a lost cause? I’ve been crying and telling too many people my sob story. At this point this… This is better. ❛

➳ ❜ No you’re not too far gone, Jay. …Put down the gun, okay? We can talk about this- ❛

The now slowly breaking millionaire then stood up sharply, stepping back. He took the gun along with him. Then… He snapped. Immediately bursting into tears, he found himself breaking every pushing second. His hands shaking more, he held the gun up to his own head.

╰┈➤ ❜ Talk about what, Perkins? How long have you tried to help me? I’ve been nothing but a waste of time, and god… God I BET if I just- if I just SHOT myself RIGHT NOW, NOBODY OUT THERE WILL HEAR OR CARE, RIGHT?! Who’d go to my funeral? You? Who else? Huh? ❛

Silence. Perkins simply walked over and hugged Jay, catching him off guard. Jays body tensed up again, trying to find a way to keep his composure but failing miserably. The gun slightly moved away from his head, then it sharply went back.

One last exhale, and one last sentence.

╰┈➤ ❜ If you want me to live another day, I need you to start running. Get to the nearest phone. ❛

God, why was he doing this? Why was he trying to help himself? He knew he’d die by then. Somehow, Perkins listened and immediately rushed to the nearest phone only to see Jay had cut the line, then opened the door to go outside. Jay stared.

The door closed, leaving Jay alone.

…Then the gun went off.

Silence. Darkness. Not a feeling. Just… emptiness.

When the paramedics got there Jay was already as dead as can be as he laid in Perkins arms. He had staged it as a murder, writing to Perkins in a final note to never specify it was suicide, but say it was homicide. The people wouldn’t care how he died.

The sight was grim. His only butler making an effort to help, holding him up as if he were still going to live. It was a desperate attempt, really, like a father begging to bring his son back from the dead. The once lively millionaire deceased, his body tense and the blood and brain matter pooling from his head onto the fur rug he had died on. His eyes were still open, only this time they were a monotone and distant blue with less saturation than ever. His skin was pale, suit tattered most likely from the fall. The cigarette lay on his hand, slowly burning at the skin. As he lay there, people were crowded around. Some were investigators, others were people who simply wanted to see. Others taking photos to post on the papers as soon as possible.

…And now Perkins was left to handle the rest of the work Jay had set up.

[owlwithanapple]

Bird & Fox

Chapter 16

After a few days of fighting the disease, you finally recovered completely! My god, being sick is a torture, a long-term battle requires a lot of physical strength. You can finally go out for a walk again. It's so boring to stay at home all day to recover from illness. But thanks to Jason taking care of you these days, you can recover faster. You are so grateful that he took Kirin back to the manor to take care, because can't concentrate on taking care of Kirin.

In your free time, you took out phone tried to find someone to talk to. You found Jason's contact pressed the dial button and waited for him to answer the call.

After waiting for a while, someone answered the call, and an unfamiliar voice came from inside, "Hello?"

You silent for a while, then greeted him, "Erm? Hello, who are you?"

A laugh came from the phone, "Oh! Hahaha, it's me, Tim."

You were surprised, "Tim?! Hey! Good morning!"

He chuckled, "Good morning, how are you?"

You told him politely, "I'm already well. Is Dick well?"

You heard the sound of him opening the door from the phone, probably going back to the room to answer the phone. He happily told you, "You should thanks to Jason, especially he's been taking care of you all the time. Dick has also recovered a lot. He's exercising vigorously today."

You laughed softly and breathed a sigh of relief, "Wow, that's great."

Suddenly Tim suggested, "Hey, do you want to have breakfast together? I'll be having breakfast at the cafe near your house, then going to the library to find a book before back to the manor. Want to join?"

You looked at your watch and saw that you were free all day, so you happily agreed to him, "Okay, see you later."

You both agreed to spend time together and hung up the phone at the same time.

Tim Pov

I hung up the phone and put Jason's phone on the table. I thought it was time to get ready. I didn't expect Y/N to be such a cheerful person. Jason really met a good girl. I thought about telling him about the date with Y/N, letting him meet her, and creating an opportunity for them to be alone. I put on my backpack and walked to Batcave. I heard a loud sound of punching. I knew it was the beast Jason Todd.

Jason Todd is such a scary guy. I knew the power was really strong when I heard the punching sound. He was extremely powerful and scary when he went crazy. Fortunately, we are not enemies. I went to the training ground and saw his naked upper body, extremely strong and scarred back, beating the sandbag to death. I swallowed my saliva in surprise and didn't dare to blink. What happened to make him so angry this morning?

I saw Dick sitting on the floor and pouring water into his mouth. Then he looked at me and greeted enthusiastically. I went down the stairs and quietly walked around Jason's back to Dick to find out what was going on. I noticed that Jason‘s fists were bandaged but with bloodstains, even the sandbag was imprinted with his bloodstains. How long he been punching the sandbag, and how much strength did he use.

Dick stood up and walked towards me, "Morning."

I stared at Dick nervously and pointed at Jason with my index finger, "What's wrong with him?"

Dick sighed and scratched his hair, not knowing how to express it, "I don't know what happened. I woke up went to the Batcave and it was like this."

I tilted my head curiously, "What time you come in?"

Dick chuckled after hearing my question, "You may not believe it. I arrived around 6 o'clock and he was already fighting."

My eyes widened and I looked over. "Before six?! It's almost half past ten now!"

Dick was embarrassed and at a loss. "I can't stop him now. I advise you not to do anything."

"So noisy, what's going on?" Damian's voice came from the stairs.

I saw Dick hurriedly running to Damian, because we all know the relationship between these two is incompatible. "Darling, don't mess with Jason now. Don't go!"

Damian pushed Dick aside and curiously walked down to see, his eyes were obviously surprised. He looked at me, I just shook my head to indicate that I didn't know. If messed with Jason now, he would beat us in a minute. It seems I can't tell him about Y/N in his current state. There is really no other way, I had to meet her. I was also afraid Y/N would be scared and run away when she saw him like this.

"Are you going out?" Damian asked, pulling my clothes.

I nodded and smiled, "Yes, I'm going to have breakfast with a friend."

Dick walked closer and curiously "With Connor?"

I shook my head to indicate that I didn't, "Connor is traveling with his family. Today I'm going to have breakfast with Y/N ​​and go to the library."

At this moment, I was surrounded by a fierce murderous aura. I slowly turned around and looked back. Jason punched a hole in the sandbag with a violent punch, and kicked it away with a heavy kick. He stood there and took a deep breath, the blood from his fists dripped onto the ground. He stared at me with a cold and ruthless look, as if he wanted to slaughter me.

He walked towards me with a big breath. "Who the fucking idiot said Y/N’s name?"

Oh my God. Y/N... your name is also a sin.

At this time, Bruce walked in. "What are you guys doing?"

Great! Bruce is here, I can evacuate first. "Sorry everyone, I have to go find my friends first!"

I left the Batcave in a panic. It was really life-threatening. Jason was a more terrifying person the calmer he was. He didn't roar when hitting the sandbag just now. There was only the loud bang of his fist hitting the sandbag. I couldn't intervene in that situation. All I can do now is pray that Jason will be back to normal when I get home.

Y/N Pov

After you arrived at the cafe, you ordered a breakfast with a cup coffee and sat down to wait for Tim. A while, you heard the door of the cafe open, it was Tim who walked in. You raised hand wave to him and greeted him. He saw you and immediately ran to your seat. He put down his backpack, looked at the menu ordered a breakfast and espresso. Seeing his forehead was little sweaty, you took out a tissue from your bag handed it to him.

"Are you okay? You look nervous." You were a little worried about him because he rushed over in a hurry, and you gently cared about him.

He noticed and politely took a few tissues to wipe the sweat from his forehead. "Haha, it's okay. Thank you for your concern."

You remembered that Kirin still in the manor, you curiously asked him how Kirin was doing. "Kirin didn't make trouble in the manor, right?"

He couldn't help but smile, shook his head and waved his hand. "No, he's very good."

You were relieved to hear that. "That's great. So... Jason is busy?"

He smiled with a slightly stiff expression and said, "Ermm... Not busy. It's just that he was a little strange today."

You felt a little worried, wondering he was exhausted from taking care of you. You put your hands on the table and moved forward, asking him, "Strange?"

He just nodded slightly, his expression still very stiff, "I didn't ask too much. It's not the right time."

After listening Tim said, he told you superficially that something was wrong with Jason today. You felt a little worried, wondering if Jason was tired from looking for you. He never showed impatience in front of you, and always treated you very gently. You clenched your hands, a feeling of fear of loss came over you, and you didn't know what to do.

It's not a good idea to keep your head down, you raised your head and asked Tim for advice with a serious face, "Tim, is there anything I can do for Jason?"

He was interrupted by your words before he take a sip of his coffee. He put the cup on the table, put one hand on his chin and gently massaged it, thinking about how to answer your question, and then he looked at you, "Hmm... Let me think about it."

Jason Pov

I took a bottle of water fill my thirsty mouth, then took a towel to wipe off the sweat on my body. I sat on the ground to rest for a while before continuing. The fucking dream was driving me crazy. I can only rely on these things to distract my attention and desire. If I don’t do anything, her beautiful face, seductive and erotic figure, and all the sounds in the dream will keep appearing in my head.

I removed the bandage wrapped around my hand, and my fist was full of blood. I was going crazy. I was so obsessed with Y/N. I touched the wound on my hand gently, there were many words in my mouth that I wanted to vomit but couldn’t. From this moment on, I couldn’t feel the pain in my hand, and the blood was clearly visible. I was bold and not afraid of any pain. But since she appeared in my life, I was more afraid she would not be by my side.

"What's wrong with you?" Bruce came over with a first aid kit and sat next to me.

I noticed that he looked worried. "Nothing."

He shook his head and chuckled. Bruce vaguely knew something was wrong with me. He pointed the sandbag that I had broken and said, "You'd better give me an explanation."

I couldn't say anything back, I couldn't argue with him. There was no one around, only Bruce and I were alone, I said a few words casually, "It just a wet dream."

He blinked a few times, bit his lip and smiled, "I understand. It's normal, then what? The content is unpleasant?"

I looked at Bruce in confusion, then laughing and sighing. There is no way a wet dream can be unpleasant. I wish could dream about it every day. I'm fucking addicted to it. But not many things in the world go as I wish, including me and her. Even if we meet each other by fate, I don't have the courage to love her. I'm afraid she will get hurt, and also afraid that I will hurt her.

I thought for a while and looked at Bruce who looked puzzled. "Very pleasant. Hot and passionate, so fucking that I just want to hug her tight."

Bruce held my shoulder and gently stroked it. "Wow, so wild, handsome."

Suddenly, I laughed out loud when Bruce said that. "Fuck."

Bruce pulled my hand, then opened the first aid kit and took out a cotton swab to apply medicine on me. I quietly watched him fluently treat my wounds. He took some bandages and bandaged me. "You... It's best to avoid getting hurt."

I was very confused when I heard it. "Huh? What do you mean?"

After he bandaged the wound, he neatly packed up the medical supplies. After he treated it, he looked at me and held my injured hand. "She will feel sorry for you."

I felt a little disappointed when I heard it. "Fuck, you have to say it now?"

"You know. She thinks you are very important." I don't know whether Bruce's words are comfort or encouragement. I felt a little touched after hearing them, and it was hard to accept.

I was about to cry, didn't want to hear or expect such words, I sighed and looked at Bruce then shook my head helplessly, "Please. Don't give me any hope."

He showed a slight smile, gently stroked my hand, "She is your hope. You are my hope too."

I subconsciously slapped his hand away, and my heart beat so heavily at that moment. My heartbeat kept speeding up, and it was fucking difficult to breathe. I am Bruce's hope? What a painful memory this fucking sentence has been since I was Robin. I fucking experienced those nightmares, which almost killed me. They will never understand how miserable I was before I died once.

"Jason." Bruce reached out his hand to me again.

"Enough! Stop talking! I don't want to hear any of these nice words!" I suddenly became scared and roared angrily at Bruce.

Bruce's expression was calm, but a little sad. "Please , calm down first."

I punched him in the face like crazy. I clenched my bruised fists, breathing irregularly and gasping for air. I could hardly hold back my tears. "You don't fucking understand! You weren't there when I needed you! I've been waiting! How long have I waited? What I waited for was a nightmare! I need my dad! I need Batman! Where the fuck did you go!"

Bruce stood up spit out the blood in his mouth and wiped the blood. "Jason, please... I haven't slept well every day since then. I really blame myself and it's hard to bear."

I raised my middle finger and roared, "How dare you say such a fucking thing! Did you kill that psychopath?! Did you avenge me?! Did you fucking do it?!"

"Enough! Jason! That's it! I've been trying to make it up to you! You just didn't see it!" Bruce pointed at my face angrily.

I grabbed his collar and yelled into his face, "I trusted you Bruce! I trusted Batman! I trusted my dad!"

I threw him away in anger and ran out of the Batcave, leaving him standing there alone. What the hell, what happened to me? I was really suffocating and couldn't stand it. Why did that memory stay in the depths of my memory? Why can't I forget it? Why am I the most helpless at this time? Why am I so cowardly? What the hell am I doing.

"Babybird?" Dickhead was knocked away by me, looking confused.

I didn't want to hear anything, and didn't want to know anything. I just wanted to be alone and quiet, and didn't want to see anyone. Every time the memory came to my mind, every moment I wanted to die. I wanted to kill him, I wanted to kill my cowardly self. I wanted to disappear, the kind of disappearance without a trace. I took the motorcycle key to the parking garage, and then rode away to stay far away.

Y/N Pov

In the afternoon, after you and Tim finished breakfast, you went to the library with him to get some books. You walked to the library, which was ten minutes away from the cafe. Tim was a smart and mature boy, and you admired him very much. During the conversation, you learned that Tim, who was about your age, was managing the company for Mr. Wayne at a young age.

After arriving at the library, he gentlemanly opened the door and let you go in first. Is this the etiquette of their family, the tacit understanding of ladies first? After you stepped into the library, you saw many books neatly arranged on the bookshelf. Then you noticed that some people were sitting quietly in one place reading books, and some were using computers.

"Y/N, I'm going to find some books. Do you want to come with me?" Tim asked.

This is your first time in the library, and here is so fresh and unfamiliar. It's better for you to follow him. "Okay."

You walk to the business book area together. Tim takes a book from the shelf and reads it page by page. You get closer wonder what he is reading. There are so many words and it's so profound. How smart is his mind to read these kind of books. Not only these books, he can also handle the company's business issues for Mr. Wayne.

Mr. Wayne's family is really good, everyone can handle all the affairs of the company. Compared with you, just a vagrant. In the past, employed ninjas had the ability to earn high salaries, they could earn a lot with just one commission. Now, you are wandering around the streets every day, it seems is time to find a part-time job to kill time.

While you were busy thinking, Tim stared at your face "Y/N?"

Your thoughts were interrupted by his shout "Huh? What's up?"

He took those profound books in his hands "What kind of existence is Jason to you?"

The straightforward question made you at a loss for words "Eh? Well..."

His eyes were full of curiosity and seriousness "Are you two just friends?"

You don't know how to deal with the sudden question, your mind is blank. But he asked the right question, what is Jason to you? You have never thought about this, what are you to each other? You have full trust in Jason, and look forward to seeing him every day. At first you thought he was just a friend, but gradually you found there seemed to be something different, what is going on...

You can't continue the conversation, Tim noticed something was wrong and hurriedly said "Just pretend I didn't ask this question. Sorry. I have chosen the book."

Tim feels a little scary, the kind of person who has something else to say. But you don't hate him, on the contrary, you feel getting along with him can help you understand the confusion. You nodded and smiled "It's okay."

We left together and it was a long way to the manor. You walked on the busy street, with many pedestrians coming and going. You followed Tim and enjoyed pace leisurely. It seemed a little strange to walk on the street after not walking for a few days. Even so, Tim's question just now still deeply affected you. You lost the way in self-doubt with every step you took.

You stopped and looked at the leaves hanging on the tree falling to the ground. A sentence came to your mind, "Hey, Tim."

Tim stopped and turned to look at you after hearing it, "What's wrong?"

You looked at the leaves floating in the air with the wind, floating to a strange place, just like you were alone and drifting with the wind. Jason grew warmly like a big tree, and you were a leaf floating to a strange big tree, then stayed by each other's side forever. "He is the most important person in my heart forever."

Tim's face showed a surprised expression, but then he smiled happily after hearing the answer. "Then don't let go of Jason's hand, especially you. Although he is fragile, he is invincible."

The wind blew, blowing your long hair. You comb your hair away and showed a confident look. "I know."

You found a jewelry store, you stared at it with curiosity. Tim followed your gaze, and he also noticed the jewelry store. You looked at their jewelry outside the store, and each jewelry displayed was so exquisite. At this time, the busy store owner inside noticed the two of you outside the door and came forward to greet you enthusiastically.

You two stepped into the store, and saw many jewelry displayed in glass cabinets. You found a pair of black simple style bracelets, you stared at them for a long time. Tim noticed and asked about the price and quality, you listened to the explanation one by one. This bracelet is made of imported stainless steel. They mentioned if want to engrave the name, it is also possible, which makes it more precious.

You decide to buy them as a gift for Jason. "I want this one!"

In the evening, you finally carved the name on the bracelet for the first time. Although you are agile, know nothing about handicrafts, and your fingers were almost cut by carelessness. But no matter how hard it is, it is worth it, a bracelet that belongs to Jason. What Jason's mood and expression will be after receiving it, but you’re looking forward. The owner put the bracelet into a box and wrapped it with a ribbon.

You left the store with the gift and saw Tim answering the phone outside the door. You wanted to go up and say hello, but found his expression was very serious and nervous. You guessed his lip movements through lip reading, and found he said something that scared you. You went up to pulled Tim's backpack and panicked, "Is Jason in trouble!?"

An ominous smell came over you, and Tim's expression said it all. The two of you hurriedly stopped a taxi and returned to the manor. After arriving at the destination, you rushed into the hall without any free time to breathe. In the living room, Mr. Wayne sat on the sofa with marks on his face from being beaten, Dick was busy on the phone, Alfred was applying medicine to Mr. Wayne with a worried look, and Damian was sitting on the sofa holding Kirin.

The atmosphere was obviously tense and wrong, you put the gift on the table. Bruce's expression revealed his exhaustion, and when he saw you he showed even more self-blame and helplessness. After Dick hung up the phone, he sat on the sofa, took a deep breath and covered his head, looking annoyed and tired. Damian had nothing to say, he sat there quietly and remained silent the whole time.

You sit next to Mr Wayne, hold his hand tightly and ask carefully, "What happened to Jason?"

Mr Wayne looks at you then at Tim, with a serious face, "Why is she here?"

Dick understands what Tim means and explains for him, "She is worried about her friend."

"It's a family matter, send her home first." Mr Wayne said seriously, unlike usual, and stood up to leave.

"Father..." Damian tried to say something.

You stand in front and block his way, "Please wait, Mr Wayne. Please tell me what happened to Jason? Where is he now?"

Seeing your persistence, Mr Wayne sighed helplessly, "Y/N, I will explain to you later. Alfred, send her away."

"Master Wayne..." Alfred's tone was sad.

What happened? Why is it like this? The less you know, the more you afraid Jason is in danger. If it is their family matter, you can't interfere. But now is related to Jason, your good friend may be in trouble. You can't just stand by and watch silently, you don't want to lose him, because he is too important.

You hold Mr Wayne's hand and tell him, "I will never go back before you tell me. I know it is your family matter, but he is my friend."

He gently massaged the sides of his nose, he couldn't do anything to you, he turned to you and said, "Come with me. Everyone else continue."

You heard clearly Mr Wayne asked to follow him. He went upstairs first. You quickly took the gift and followed him. He opened Jason's room and sat on his bed with his hands clenched. You put the gift on the table and pulled a chair to sit directly opposite him. This way you can see more clearly what kind of emotions he is and what he is showing.

Mr Wayne looked at your expression didn't know how to express it. "Ermm... I had a serious quarrel with him, and he ran away and hasn't come back yet. I went to his house to find but no one, and he didn't take his phone. I don't know where he went."

Didn't expect things to be so bad. No wonder Tim said he was very abnormal today. "Excuse me, did he hit you on your face?"

Mr Wayne nodded slightly but very calm. "I hurt him too badly. I accidentally said the words he didn't want to hear the most."

You put your hands on face and took a deep breath. "Really... Mr Wayne, tell me if there is anything I can help with. I want to help him."

His expression became solemn and serious. He clenched his fists and sighed deeply. "I hope you will pretend you don't know about this matter in front of him, and pretend that nothing to do with you. Don't sympathize with him, he hates it the most."

You listened carefully to every word he said and engraved it in your heart. "I promise you."

He saw that your eyes were so firm and warm, he prepared to speak. "He was kidnapped by a psychopath and imprisoned for more than a year. He suffered cruel humiliation and torture, which drove him crazy."

You covered your mouth and stood up from the chair after hearing these suffocating words. "Why him? Why was he kidnapped? Mr. Wayne, weren't you with him at the time? Has the psychopath been arrested now?"

He lowered his head, silently looked at the floor and sighed, he covered his face tightly, "When he got into trouble, I couldn't protect him from all the harm."

You stood in front of him, put your hand on his shoulder to comfort him, "This matter has nothing to do with you, you can't always handcuff yourself to the sin."

He shook his head, took his hand away from his face, and saw his exhausted face, "Indeed, this matter has something to do with me."

"Mr Wayne..." You didn't dare to ask too much, you were afraid that he would be more painful when recalled the past, and you didn't want to open his son's wounds.

Mr Wayne held your hands tightly, bowed to you and begged, "Please, if anything happens to him, don't let him go, don't let him suffer alone, I hope you can stay by his side and give him warmth when he is in the most pain."

You never intended to leave Jason alone from the beginning. Instead, you wanted to hang around and play with him all day. You held Mr. Wayne's shaking hand tightly. "Although I don't know how much I can help, I will stay with him and get through it slowly."

You felt tears dripping on your hand. It was Mr. Wayne. What should you do? Where is the tissue? Suddenly he said, "Thank you so much."

You shook your head and said tactfully, "Taking care of each other is the most important thing."

Mr. Wayne raised his head and smiled slightly, "How did Jason meet such a girl like you? What a lucky kid."

You were confused and didn't quite understand, "Hahaha, I almost got hit by him and then knew him."

Mr. Wayne sighed sadly, "Thank you for chatting with me for a while. I have sent someone to find him. Now all can do is wait."

Jason Pov

At night, I was drinking alone in a bar. I wanted to get drunk and forget what happened today, but couldn't forget it. I felt so bad and everything went wrong. Every moment I went home was happy and suffocating. That memory kept lingering in my mind. I wanted to kill that fucking psychopath, because he made me look like this.

I put some money on the bar and said, "Another drink."

There was a sound of door opening. I thought was another customer and ignored it. Until he walked up and stood next to me then took my money, I hammered the bar and glared at the bastard. It was Timbers, this little cleverness could find me, there was only one possibility, that is, my motorcycle was equipped with a tracker.

I laughed out loud in self-abandonment, "Let me guess. Bruce wants you to find me and go home to reunite with family, right?"

He sat next to me, took money from his wallet and put it on the bar, "I'll treat you."

I said with a mocking look, "You treat me? Why? You want to convince me? I advise you to stay away, don't force me to drive you away."

Two glasses of wine were served, Timbers took one and poured it into his mouth. The remaining glass was untouched, he pushed the glass in front of me and blurted out, "Drink this glass and go home, someone is waiting for you to go home."

I said with disdain, "It's just you guys. Disgusting."

He was just calm and composed, and then blurted out, "You could have chosen not to go home. You can kill innocent people outside and be the great Red Hood, but I really don't want to be your enemy."

I shook my head and sighed, "Oh, what a loving way to say it."

He just sighed and looked at my glass. "When you are drinking to relieve your sorrow, someone is waiting for you to come back."

I started to get impatient. "Timbers, I've said enough. I don't want to know who it is, and I didn't ask to wait for me."

He understood what I meant and stood up. Before leaving, he added, "Hey..it's a pity the princess can't wait for her prince to come home."

I pulled him in anger. "What the hell do you mean! What's with all that princess and prince shit?!"

"You know. Your princess." He pushed my hand away calmly and left the bar.

Princess? What the hell? I walked out of the bar and saw a black car parked outside. Timbers and Alfred were standing by the car waiting for me. I walked towards them. Alfred hugged me tightly. I fucking wanted to cry. Dickhead came out of the car and rushed over to hug me tightly. I couldn't even get rid of him. What kind of strength is that!

I pushed Dickhead, the clingy guy away. "You bastard!"

He grabbed my hand and looked expectant. "You're going home, right?"

Going home, back home with Y/N, seems pretty good. I threw him the key. "It's not convenient for me to drive a motorcycle after drinking. Alfred, I'm going home."

Timbers and Dickhead high-fived each other as the plan was going as they wished. I sat in the back seat by the window and closed my eyes, not knowing how she would treat me. Angry, but I'm just a friend to her, there's no need to be angry. Crying, there's no need to cry, I'm not a very important person. I dare not imagine and look forward to her beautiful moments, because I know very well that there is no such deep affection between her and me.

After returning home, I saw Bruce holding Kirin waiting for me. Seeing the scars from my beating and the words I yelled at him, I didn't have the face to face him. I heard the door close and someone ran out of my room in a hurry. It was her. Oh my fucking god, my heart melted when I saw her. How did she heal my heart like this?

She ran downstairs and rushed directly to me. She raised her hand and slapped me in the face, which frightened everyone present into silence. When I covered my slapped cheek looked at her again, tears from her eyes could not stop flowing. Damn, her face looks so beautiful even when she is crying. She scolded me, "Where have you been? You scared me, don't you know!"

I was startled, everyone else stepped aside. I scratched my head, "I'm sorry to worry you. I just went out for a few drinks."

She wiped her tears with her sleeve, "When Tim told me that you were not right, I was afraid something might have happened and you didn't tell me. Bruce told me you two had a fight and didn't you come back. I waited for a long time finally you came home."

She told me with tears streaming down her face. Seeing her cry, my heart couldn't bear it. I reached out and wiped the tears for her, "I'm really sorry. Because of something, I want to be alone and quiet."

She leaned in my arms with tears in her eyes, "Don't do this again, I will be with you anytime."

She threw herself into my arms and cried, holding me tightly with both hands as if she was afraid that I would disappear. I looked at the others at a loss, Timbers nodded to me with a slight smile. I couldn't help but smile, I had been looking forward to this feeling. It was such a warm and hopeful existence, I hugged her tightly "I'm back, princess."

Suddenly another person hugging both of us, I looked at Bruce with tears in the corners of his eyes. There were still traces of being beaten by me at the corners of his mouth, but he still greeted me warmly, he smiled warmly and said "Welcome home, Jason."

Timbers stepped forward and interrupted "Y/N. Don't you have something for him?"

I was stunned, then she walked away from my arms, "Ah! That's right!"

"Take it." Demon Brat appeared out of nowhere, holding a bag in his hand.

"Thank you! Damian!" She wiped her tears and took the bag from Demon Brat handed it to me.

I was stunned when I took it in my hand, "What is this?"

She looked at me expectantly, "Open it and take a look!"

Everyone gathered around to look, I started to get nervous. I took out a box of jewelry with a red bow on it. I looked at Y/N, and her smile returned. It seemed she was looking forward to it. I untied the bow and opened the box. Inside was a pair of black bracelets with my name engraved on them.

"For me?" I was looking forward to it.

She was excited and nervous "Yes! But..."

I stared at the bracelet "What's wrong?"

She pointed the words on bracelet nervously "I made that, it doesn't look good, please don't dislike it."

I noticed there were scratches on her fingers. She carved my name with her own hands. I was so happy. "How could I fucking hate it?!"

At this time, Alfred interrupted seriously, "Ahem, Master Todd, language."

"Yeah, you receive a gift from a girl, be careful with your language." Dickhead smiled.

"Hahaha, they are right." Bruce couldn't help laughing.

Timbers looked at me and smiled, "Put it on quickly."

Y/N Pov

You were very happy Jason came back safely. When he was in a bad mood, you were afraid something would happen to him and he would suddenly disappear. If anything happened, you definitely regret not caring more about his feelings. But now you are not worried anymore, he has returned home. It was really uncomfortable to feel this kind of worry and fear for the first time.

You watched him put the bracelet on his hand, and the uneasiness in your heart was gone. When you bought the bracelet, you hesitant whether he would like it, whether he would think it was old-fashioned, and whether he would be willing to accept this little gift. But after he put it on gently touched the part where his name was engraved, the expression on his face revealed a very happy smile.

He hugged me and smiled softly, "Thanks, I love it."

You grabbed his arm, "Hehe, as long as you like it."

"Hey, what about the other one? It also has the name of Babybird engraved on it." Dick suddenly mentioned.

"Doesn't she know this is a couple's bracelet? Both are engraved with Jason's name." Bruce pulled Tim and Dick aside to talk in private.

Tim shook his head and laughed softly, "She just wanted to give it to Jason."

Damian looked at Jason with a sympathetic face, "She is so naive."

You remembered this bracelet is sold as a pair of men and women, you bought it without thinking and just gave it to Jason, "Or... just keep the extra ones?"

Dick spoke with a look of holding back laughter but was interrupted, "Y/N, you..."

Jason took out another bracelet and put it on your hand, everyone including you was surprised. He took his hand back with a slightly blushing expression and a smile on his face. You looked at the bracelet then looked at him, you was infected by his smile and you laughed with him. He held your arm again looked at the bracelet on your hand for a long time, brewing what to say.

He confidently said, "This bracelet belongs to you."

Dick put his hand on Jason's shoulder said playfully, "Wow, so domineering."

"Why me?" You were confused.

Tim held your shoulder said gently, "Because it belongs to both of you. So the other one must be worn by you."

Mr. Wayne interrupted and said with a smile, "Y/N, Jason has his own intentions, you will know soon."

Damian on the side poked you, "Take it, or he will cry."

"Fuck you!" Jason got angry at Damian, and you stood in front of him.

You raised hand slightly and smiled, "Then I'll take it, and you can tell me what you mean after."

He laughed secretly, "Okay. I will definitely tell you."

"Ahem, since we are having a good time, do you want to eat together?" Alfred silently watched all of you from the side.

You excitedly ran to Alfred, staring at him with burning eyes "I'm hungry!"

He nodded and said "I understand. Don't let the lady go hungry."

Jason Pov

I watched her and Alfred walk to the kitchen, talking and laughing, leaving me here with the other four. I scratched my head still felt extremely guilty, for making her so worried that she cried like this. If I had been more docile and came back earlier, she might not have cried. I didn't expect she was waiting for me. To be honest, it was the first time I felt the warmth of home.

I looked at the bracelet she gave me. Although the words on it were clumsily engraved, the scratches on her fingers all represented her thoughts. She was a very simple and naive girl, maybe it was because of these she could realize my hope. She always expressed her feelings in her own way, and I was always attracted and motivated by her.

At this time, someone poked me, damn demon brat. What on earth does this guy want to do? I said impatiently, "What?"

Demon brat's tone was much calmer than usual. "While everyone was looking for you, I saw her crying in your room for a long time, and she kept muttering what if you didn't come home..."

I blamed myself and looked at his face with heartache, "Fuck..."

"To be honest, you two are from different worlds. We are all immersed in darkness, she is running under bright sunshine. Let me put it bluntly, you two are not suitable." Damian said to poke my weak spot.

"Damian, don't say that." Bruce wanted him to shut up, but I pushed him away stood in front of demon brat, because this was the first time I felt he was talking the right thing.

I looked at his front and nodded slightly, "You are right. It is true I am not worthy of her. She is very clean, I am covered with blood stains."

Dickhead was in a dilemma but still held my shoulder and said, "Jason, you are not dirty, and you didn't choose it voluntarily."

Timbers stood in front of demon brat as if he was afraid that I would hit him, "It's not your turn to criticize him, Damian, enough."

I looked at Bruce with a confident expression, "Are you happy that your little son finally said the right thing."

Bruce was shocked by what I said, "Huh? Damian is right?"

I showed an expression of inferiority that could not be concealed, "I admit I am not worthy of her, so I can't say that I love her. But..."

Timbers was surprised and a little worried about me, "But what?"

I laughed and exhaled, "But it doesn't mean I will let her go. I am Red Hood, and it is my duty to protect my lover."

Dickhead shouted excitedly, "How dare you call her lover?"

Demon brat beat me and said, "Then you'd better not make her cry again."

I pressed Demon brat's head and scratched his hair. "It's not your turn to teach me how to do things, damn kid."

Timbers and Dickhead asked at the same time, "Then why are you so angry in the morning?"

I fucking remembered the wet dream, but I couldn't say it when I died. Bruce stood in front of me and put his index finger in front of his lips. "Shhh...secret."

Chapter 16 End.

If you have any ideas, don’t be shy. Just leave a comment below. Your opinions would be valuable and will be added in story. ♥️💙

Other Chapter

AO3 Bird & Fox by owlwithanapple

AO3 Chapter 16

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for venting?

Emojis, so I can find it later 💯⁉️💥 (unrelated, I just use them a lot)

So I(16) have been struggling with depression since I was, like, 10. It's been worse and better over the years, but something that really triggers it is extreme weather. Dunno why, but if its hot as fuck outside I *will* be considering suicide.

I regularly go to sleepaway camp every year. I usually do two weeks and usually go during the summer rainy season. Well, a year or two back (can't remember, got that depression and ADHD memory loss) I went later on in the summer than I usually do, and it was really fucking hot out. The whole time.

I could deal with it for a couple of days, especially because I was having a bit of romantic tension with J(16) (not real name, not even real initial). "I can survive any situation as long as I have a crush on someone there", or whatever that post said. He was really sweet and also suffered from depression. We talked about our struggles together, and he seemed to be responsive and chill about it. He did have trauma from his past with loved ones committing suicide, but he seemed to have worked through his grief and didn't have negative reactions when it was mentioned.

Here's where I might be the asshole. Eventually, the heat got to be too much for me, not to get too graphic but I was making plans, so I sent my parents a letter asking to pick me up. I waited a couple days for them to recieve it, and they did and called and said they would pick me up in the morning.

I delivered the news to everyone by being quite vague about what I had to go home for. When pressed, I said my parents didn't give any details and I was a little worried. That explained my acting weird away to everyone, but not J. He didn't believe me for one minute, and was determined to get to the bottom of it.

He took me outside, asked me what was wrong, and told me it was ok to tell him. It took a little convincing, but I eventually broke down and told him I was having suicidal ideation and that I needed to get the fuck out of dodge or I might do something drastic. I specified that I would be completely fine once I got out of the oppressive heat and humidity, just that I had to go home ASAP. I did ask him not to tell anyone because I didn't want them to worry, which I realize now was unkind. I should have at least told a counselor so that he wasn't alone.

Anyway, he immediately started having full-fledged PTSD flashbacks. I couldn't tell at first, but then I realized what was going on and tried to comfort him. It didn't work. The counselor that came check on us just kicked me out. I went back inside feeling guilty, but I was hoping that I reassured him enough that he would be ok.

He acted normal for the rest of the time I was there (we even kissed! That was my first kiss) and made me promise to text him when I got home. Naturally, I did, reassuring him and telling him I was feeling infinitely better now that I had air conditioning and my phone. When he got home from camp a week later, he seemed a little freaked out but seemed to be mollified by my texts.

However, a couple days after that, he texted me out of nowhere, saying that I shouldn't have told him about what I was going home about because I gave him constant PTSD flashbacks for the rest of camp. He felt sick with worry the whole time. I felt like shit, obviously, so I responded with profuse apologies. He seemed to accept them but still feel a little resentful.

I still feel really fucking bad about it. I actually haven't told anyone I know IRL about. Well. Pretty much anything bothering me since. I know that's a bit of an overreaction, but I don't want to do that to anyone else.

So, am I the asshole?

(By the way, if you were there or know me, I would love it if you could just ignore this. Please and thank you. And also never make me know you read this cause that would be embarrassing as fuck lol)

[perfectsunlight]

04 ━━━ YOU'RE LOSING ME

warnings: angst, swearing, overworking, strained marriage, divorce

word count: 5.6k

synopsis: your ex-wife receives an invite to your wedding, but will she let you say "i do" for a second time?

previous | masterlist | next

after 5 years of being on the backburner, y/n knew she had enough of the marriage. 

you say, "i don't understand," and i say, "i know you don't"

we thought a cure would come through in time, now i fear it won't

the backroom that overlooked the skyline of the city was both her favorite and soyeon's favorite part of their home. soyeon especially loved it because of the lighting, especially during the sunset. when they bought the home, they turned it into a second living room. during the early days of their marriage, the two spent hours together watching movies or just simply having a glass of wine or two. nowadays, y/n used it as the perfect place to cry. 

remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light

now, i just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

the curtains were always shut closed, never letting the light shine into the home. y/n didn’t want to do anything when she sat in that room. she didn’t know how long she spent there on a daily basis, but it was easily over an hour or two. the former idol would just sit in the darkness, listening to the hum of the air conditioning unit while she either sobbed or sat in silence. 

a marriage consisted of two people, so why did she feel so alone in her own?

she loved soyeon, and was well aware of the responsibilities that lingered over her head. however, her spouse was well into her career as a ceo now. the company was doing phenomenal, and soyeon had even hired an even more phenomenal staff team. there was no reason for soyeon to not be home anymore. 

do i throw out everything we built or keep it?

i'm getting tired even for a phoenix

y/n didn’t understand how her wife could not be bothered with being away from home for so long. the former idol even thought about pretending to go for an interview at soyeon’s company just so she could see her wife. 

of course, there were times where the younger girl went and showed up to surprise her wife with lunch or dinner. however, the ceo was always in a meeting or could only spare a few short minutes together while she was on a phone call.

in the beginning, it felt manageable. it felt tolerable. now, it was not any of those.

always risin' from the ashes

mendin' all her gashes

you might just have dealt the final blow

“you should see someone, maybe talk to a therapist about it?” yuqi said gently as she sipped her coffee across from the other girl. y/n had met up with her former groupmate for a quick coffee to get some fresh air and try and enjoy her day for once.

the married woman gently traced the top of her cup, staring at her reflection in the dark colored drink. “i don’t think it would help change my mind.” y/n said as she poked the inside of her cheek with her tongue.

yuqi's expression softened with concern. “y/n, it's not just about changing your mind. it's about finding clarity and peace for yourself. you deserve that at least.”

she sighed, feeling the weight of her thoughts pressing down on her. “i know, but sometimes it feels like no matter what i do, nothing will change.”the café was bustling with life around them, but the married woman felt detached from the vibrant energy. 

she had been running on empty for so long, and the thought of seeking professional help seemed both daunting and futile. 

“give it a try, at least,” yuqi urged gently. “you've been carrying this alone for too long.” y/n nodded slowly, dismissing what she already knew to be true. 

“i'll think about it.”

stop, you're losing me

“have you thought about marriage counseling?” the therapist across from her asked, shuffling through a pile of loose papers. she was an older woman, and from the ring on her finger, also married. y/n wondered if their marriage was anything like hers.

y/n fought the urge to roll her eyes at the question, but simply cleared her throat before answering.

“my wife won’t even come home for dinner, much less a counseling session.”

stop, you're losing me

thankfully, the therapist’s timer went off, signaling the end of their session. “i’ll see you next week,” she said as she stood and smiled. “try and practice what we suggested. meditation could help a lot.”

y/n drove home that afternoon feeling more heavy than she had going into the session. all her therapist suggested was to basically beg soyeon to come home or just try and ignore it, but of course in a “healthy” way.

“bullshit.” she muttered under her breath as she stopped at a red light. glancing at her surroundings, she noticed a building straight ahead of her. it was a divorce lawyers office. 

divorce. the word used to terrify her. now, not so much.

stop, you're losing me

y/n gripped the steering wheel tightly, her knuckles turning white as she stared at the sign for the divorce lawyer’s office. the idea of divorce had once seemed impossible, an admission of failure. it meant that she would be alone, permanently. 

however, it couldn’t feel too different from the way she felt right now.

the red light turned green, and instead of driving past, she made a spontaneous decision and turned into the parking lot. she sat in the car for a few moments, taking deep breaths to calm her racing heart. this was it. the first step toward reclaiming her life. 

with a final resolute breath, she got out of the car and walked toward the entrance. the receptionist greeted her warmly, and without thinking, y/n blurted out the first words that came to her mind.

“i think i need to get a divorce.”

i can't find a pulse

my heart won't start anymore for you

within minutes, she was seated in an office, speaking with a lawyer who listened intently to her story. “divorce is never easy,” the man said gently. “but it sounds like you’ve been dealing with this for a long time. we can help you navigate this process and find a resolution that works for you.” 

she scheduled a follow-up appointment to discuss the next steps and left the office with a packet of information, feeling a strange sense of serenity. as she drove home, the weight on her shoulders felt a little lighter. 

she was no longer waiting for soyeon to change.

'cause you're losing me

the next morning, y/n stayed in bed just a bit longer. soyeon’s faint scent still lingered on the sheets, and she felt her heart ache with every inhale. 

she didn’t know when she started crying. maybe it was when she fell asleep. maybe it was when she woke up. 

y/n missed her wife. she missed feeling loved. she missed being a priority. weren’t all marriages supposed to be a priority? why wasn’t hers?

the former idol stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling, her mind swirling with memories of better times. she remembered their wedding day, the laughter, the promises she and soyeon made to each other. 

how did their marriage end up like this? 

as the morning light filtered through the curtains, y/n knew she couldn't stay in bed forever. she needed to get up, to face the reality of her decision. slowly, she pulled herself out of bed, her movements sluggish and heavy. the woman glared at the framed photo of their wedding day as she made her way to the kitchen where she prepared a cup of coffee. the usual routine brought her a small measure of comfort.

sitting at the kitchen table, she opened the packet of information from the lawyer's office. the paperwork seemed daunting, but she reminded herself that this was a necessary step. each form she filled out, each line she signed, was a step toward freedom from this feeling.

every mornin', i glared at you with storms in my eyes

how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying?

the day dragged on, each minute feeling like an hour. y/n tried to distract herself by cleaning the house, re-organizing closets, and doing anything to keep her mind occupied. 

but no matter what she did, thoughts of soyeon lingered, and the emptiness in her chest refused to go away.

in the afternoon, she decided to take a walk. she thought the fresh air might help clear her mind. she put on her shoes and stepped outside, feeling the air on her face. the neighborhood was ambient, but quiet, and as she walked, she let her thoughts drift.

she remembered the early days of their relationship, the late-night talks, the shared dreams. they had been so in sync, so in love. when did things start to go wrong? when had they started to drift apart?

y/n walked to a nearby park and sat on a bench, watching children play and couples walk by hand in hand. she felt a pang of envy, wishing she could go back to those simpler times. but she knew that wasn't possible. she had waited around long enough. 

the only way forward was to accept the reality of her situation and move on.

i sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick

my face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

soyeon returned home early that night. y/n sat in front of the dark tv, watching some american sitcom from the 70’s. there were no more tears left. she had nothing left to give soyeon, or their marriage.

“hi honey,” the ceo said as she set her things down by the shelf near the front door. “did you eat dinner already?” y/n was surprised the woman wasn’t on a phone call or busy rushing to grab her plate and run back to her office. 

“i finally got to go home early today, but there’s a monthly evaluation tomorrow that i’ll need to attend.”

soyeon said as she walked over to the couch, a bit confused with her wife’s silence. y/n didn't immediately respond, her eyes fixed on the tv but not really watching it. she felt soyeon's presence beside her, the weight of the unspoken words hanging heavily in the air.

“i didn't eat dinner,” y/n finally said, her voice void of emotion. she turned to face soyeon, seeing the confusion and concern in her eyes. all soyeon could see was someone that looked like the shell of her wife.

“we need to talk.”

soyeon's expression shifted, a flicker of worry crossing her features. "what is it, baby? are you feeling alright?” the older woman stuck her hand out to touch y/n’s forehead, but her wife simply moved her hand down.

“i’m fine,” taking a deep breath, y/n steadied herself. “we need to talk about us.”

soyeon's eyes widened, and she sat down heavily on the couch. whispers of her fears started to speak in her mind, and she felt a pit in her stomach forming at just the thought of where this conversation was headed.

“what are you saying?”

and the air is thick with loss and indecision

i know my pain is such an imposition

the former idol swallowed hard, the lump in her throat making it difficult to speak. “i’m saying that i can’t keep going like this. we’ve been drifting apart for a long time, and it’s not getting any better. i feel invisible.”

the ceo’s face paled. she opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. she simply looked at y/n, her eyes filled with a mixture of confusion and hurt. “invisible? how can you say that? i’ve been working so hard for us, for our future.”

y/n shook her head slowly, feeling a wave of sadness wash over her. “but what about our present? what about the time we’re supposed to be spending together now? you’re never here, and when you are, it’s like you’re not really with me.”

tears welled up in soyeon’s eyes. “but i thought you understood. i thought you supported me. this job, it’s important. for both of us.” she couldn’t imagine her wife thinking she was out doing nothing. everything soyeon did was for y/n.

the other woman’s voice softened, but her resolve remained firm. “i do support you. i’m proud of everything you’ve accomplished. but somewhere along the way, we lost each other. and i don’t know how to find our way back.”

now, you're runnin' down the hallway

and you know what they all say

“then let’s try and find our way back,” soyeon reached over and placed her hand on her wife’s thigh. “i can switch schedules and make more time to be home. it’s just been so busy with the new group debuting soon, and–”

“soyeon.”

y/n gently placed her hand over soyeon’s, her eyes filled with a mix of sorrow and determination. “we’ve been saying we’ll find time for us for years now. every time there’s a new project, a new deadline, and every time i’m left waiting. i can’t keep waiting.”

the ceo’s grip on y/n’s thigh tightened slightly, a desperate plea in her eyes. “baby, please. just give me one more chance. i’ll make it right, i promise. i’ll prioritize us. anything you want to do, we can do it. just name it.”

y/n simply shook her head and motioned to the stack of papers on the coffee table. soyeon’s heart dropped when she made out the faint words at the top. the silence in the room was deafening. 

you don't know what you got until it's gone

“no, i can’t lose you.” soyeon fell to her knees as she grabbed both of y/n’s hands, her own trembling. “please, y/n, don’t do this. we can still fix it. i can still fix it.”

y/n's eyes welled up with tears as she looked down at her wife. she wished she had it in her to believe her, but she didn’t. 

“i’m not happy anymore, soyeon.”

soyeon’s tears fell freely now, her face a mask of anguish. “but i love you. i don’t know how to do this without you.”

stop, you're losing me

y/n knelt down beside her, taking her hands in hers. “i love you too. but love isn’t enough when we’re both hurting. this isn’t what love is supposed to be.”

something in her wife’s expression was a mix of desperation and frustration seeping through her tears. “so you’re just going to walk away? just like that? after everything we’ve been through?”

the former idol's jaw clenched, her own frustration bubbling to the surface. y/n knew soyeon wouldn’t take this lightly. “i’ve been trying to make this work for years. i’ve been patient, i’ve been understanding, but nothing changes. you’re always too busy, always putting everything else before us, before me.”

“that's not fair!” soyeon snapped, standing up abruptly. “you know how hard this has been for me, too? you knew i had responsibilities.”

stop, you're losing me

“responsibilities?” y/n snapped, rising to her feet. “what about your responsibility to our marriage? to me? i’ve felt like a ghost in this goddamn house, soyeon.”

“of course i noticed!” soyeon yelled, her voice breaking. “do you think this is easy for me? i’ve done everything for you, for us! do you think it was easy for me to stay away? i had no choice.”

y/n’s eyes flashed with anger. “don’t you dare turn this around on me. i’ve been supportive, i’ve been there for you, i have been the only participant in this marriage for the past 5 years.”

soyeon's face flushed with guilt. she was well aware of her shortcomings in her matrimony, but to be confronted with them like this? it hurt, and she didn’t like it.

“you think i don’t know that? you think i wanted things to be like this? it’s my job to keep the company running well. but i work my ass off for us, for our future!” she

the younger woman let out a bitter laugh. “our future? what future, soyeon? the one where i keep waiting for you to come home, where i’m always second to your job?”

stop, you're losing me

the shorter woman’s emotions boiled over, her voice trembling with anger. “you're being selfish, y/n! you don't understand the pressure i'm under, the sacrifices i've had to make.”

“you can add our marriage to that list of sacrifices,” y/n's hissed, her own anger flaring. “and what of the sacrifices i've made? do you think it's easy for me to sit at home, alone, while you're out there, building your empire?”

“i never asked you to sacrifice anything”" soyeon shot back, her voice rising. “you chose to stay at home, to support me from the sidelines. don't act like it's my fault. you chose this.”

i can't find a pulse

my heart won't start anymore

for you

“you're right, i did choose to support you. but i didn't choose to be neglected, or to feel like i'm nothing more than an afterthought in your life.” y/n whispered, frustrated tears now falling from her own eyes. 

the shorter girl ran a hand through her hair as she started pacing. “i've never neglected you, y/n! i've always put us first, even if you don't see it.”

y/n scoffed, her voice dripping with bitterness. “putting us first? is that what you call it? because from where i'm standing, it looks like you're putting everything else first—your job, your career, your ambitions.”

soyeon whipped around, jaw clenched and patience wearing thin. “i'm doing what i have to do to provide for us, but all you seem to care about is what i'm not doing for you.”

'cause you're losing me

'cause you're losing me

y/n sat back down on the couch, holding her head in her hands. there was no way she could help her wife see her point of view. she didn’t know what else to say. it was never going to work, they were never going to work anymore.

“y/n,” soyeon whispered as she picked up the divorce papers. “why is this already filled out?” 

the mentioned woman looked up, eyes burning with frustration and hurt. “because i’m done, soyeon.”

soyeon's grip tightened on the divorce papers, her voice trembling with a mixture of anger and desperation. “and what about me, y/n? what about my feelings? you act like i don't care, like i don't try, but i do! i do everything i can to make this work, and it's never enough!”

stop (stop) 'cause you're losing me

y/n's jaw clenched as she fought to hold back her tears. “for the millionth time, it's not about the sacrifices, soyeon. it's about the fact that i'm always second best to your job.”

the ceo’s eyes flashed with confusion and frustration. “but i have to work, y/n! i have responsibilities, i have people depending on me. i can't just drop everything all the time because you're feeling neglected!”

“well maybe if you actually made an effort to be here once in a while, i wouldn't feel neglected!" y/n shot back, her voice rising with each word. “maybe if you put half as much effort into our marriage as you do into your career, we wouldn't be in this mess!”

the room fell silent, the weight of their words hanging heavy in the air. soyeon's hands shook as she looked down at the divorce papers, her heart torn between her love for y/n and her commitment to her career. 

she knew that something had to change, but she didn't know if she was ready to let go of everything she had worked so hard for. her company was a growing superpower in the entertainment industry. but y/n was the love of her life.

my heart won't start anymore ('cause you're losing me)

my heart won't start anymore ('cause you're losing me)

“i have a follow-up appointment with the divorce lawyers on monday.” y/n whispered, reaching for a nearby tissue from the coffee table. “they’ll let us know what the next steps will be.”

“no.” soyeon said as she shook her head. “i thought both parties had to agree to a divorce. i don’t agree.”

y/n's heart sank at soyeon's words, a mix of frustration and disbelief washing over her. “you don't agree?” she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper. “you’ve seen me suffering for the past 5 years, and you have the nerve to say you don’t agree?”

how long could we be a sad song

'til we were too far gone to bring back to life?

soyeon's expression softened, her eyes pleading for understanding. "y/n, i know i've made mistakes, but i still believe we can work through this. we can't just throw away everything we've built together."

“tell me,” y/n's frustration bubbled over, her voice tinged with bitterness. "what have we built, soyeon?” the older girl fell silent at her wife’s words, simply racking her brain to try and find the right words to say. 

i gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy

and all i did was bleed as i tried to be the bravest soldier

the ceo’s silence only added fuel to y/n’s emotional fire. “in the five years that we have been married, what have we built together? you’ve built an empire, all for yourself. and i have built myself a prison in this marriage.”

“i’ve cooked you dinners that you don't eat, i’ve dealt with missed anniversaries and forgotten dates. i feel more like a maid for you than i do a wife.” y/n continued, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. 

soyeon looked like her heart had just been pierced a million times. she had nothing to defend herself with. she knew her wife was right, even if she didn’t want to admit it.

“and all i ever got was nothing. crumbs of your love and time at the most. but a marriage cannot survive off of crumbs.” y/n added, watching as soyeon went back to pacing.

“and let’s not act like this isn’t the first fight we’ve gotten into about this,” she added while glancing at the time on the clock. “there was the time you deliberately ignored me.”

soyeon's pacing slowed as she listened to y/n's words, her chest tightening with each painful truth laid bare. she knew she had failed her wife in more ways than one, and the weight of her guilt threatened to consume her.

but as y/n spoke of their past fights, soyeon's mind flashed back to one particular memory—an argument that had shaken the very foundation of their marriage.

"i remember," soyeon whispered, her voice heavy with regret. "i remember that fight."

fighting in only your army

frontlines, don't you ignore me

“soyeon!” y/n hissed as she slammed her palms down on the ceo’s desk to force her to look at her. “you can’t just ignore me for 3 days because you don’t like the conversation.”

the air crackled with tension as y/n's words hung heavy in the room, each syllable laden with hurt and frustration. she watched as soyeon's expression hardened, her features tightening with annoyance at being interrupted.

but y/n refused to back down. she needed to make her understand, to bridge the growing chasm between them before it widened beyond repair. 

"please, soyeon," y/n implored, her voice softening slightly as she met her wife's gaze. "i know you're busy, but we need to talk about this. i can't keep feeling like i'm invisible to you."

soyeon's jaw tensed, her frustration evident in the way she clenched her fists at her sides. “i didnt want to miss our date," she finally admitted, her voice tinged with defensiveness. “but you know how important this meeting is for the company. i couldn't just cancel it.”

y/n's heart sank at the admission, the sting of disappointment cutting deep. she knew soyeon's dedication to her work was unwavering, but it didn't make the hurt any less painful. “i understand, i do,” y/n replied, her voice trembling with emotion. “but that doesn't change how i feel. i need you to be there for me, too.”

soyeon's gaze softened slightly, a flicker of remorse crossing her features. “i'm sorry, y/n,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. “i need to go now, i have a meeting in 5.”

i'm the best thing at this party

(you're losing me)

“then there was the christmas party.”

soyeon’s annual company party was full of glitz and glamor, with the elite of the entertainment industry gracing the event with their presence. it was a night that soyeon looked forward to every year, an opportunity to network and showcase her company's ever growing success.

but for y/n, it was a different story. she had always felt like an outsider at these events, despite being a former idol herself. she was surrounded by unfamiliar faces and forced to navigate the social intricacies of the new entertainment world on her own. 

and this year was no different.

as the party buzzed with laughter and music, y/n found herself standing alone in a sea of faces, watching as soyeon worked the room with effortless charm. she had hoped that this year would be different, that soyeon would make an effort to include her in the festivities. but as the night wore on, it became clear that she was once again on the sidelines, forgotten and ignored.

when her ceo wife finally approached her, it was only to offer a brief apology before disappearing into the crowd once more. and as y/n watched her mingle with the guests, a sense of loneliness washed over her, a reminder of the gaping divide between them.

“you promised me that we would do this together,” y/n continued, her voice tinged with bitterness as she recalled the events of that fateful night. “but instead, you left me stranded, alone in a room full of strangers. again.”

soyeon's expression softened at the accusation, a flicker of guilt crossing her features. “i didn't mean to leave you behind,” she insisted, her voice laced with regret. “i just had to make sure i made a good impression with the investors, they’re the best thing to happen to the company.”

‘but i’m supposed to be the best thing to happen to you’ was what y/n wanted to argue with. however, for the sake of the night, she bit her tongue.

and i wouldn't marry me either

a pathological people pleaser

“you’re serving me with divorce papers and telling me everything is my fault?” the ceo scoffed, disbelief and hurt in her eyes. “you’re putting all the blame on me?”

y/n rose to her feet quickly. “yes because i’m not the one who is putting us second.”

silence passed for a few beats, and y/n could see anger swirling in her wife’s irises. “you know what?” soyeon hissed before slamming the papers onto the coffee table. 

“i should’ve never married you.”

who only wanted you to see her

and i'm fadin', thinkin'

but as the words hung in the air, a heavy silence settled between them, suffocating the room with its weight. y/n's heart sank at soyeon's admission, the pain of rejection cutting deep into her soul. if there wasn’t a final straw before, this surely was it.

“you don't mean that,” y/n whispered, her voice barely above a whisper as she struggled to hold back her tears. “you can't mean that.”

but soyeon remained silent, her gaze fixed on the floor as she wrestled with her own emotions. and in that moment, y/n felt the walls closing in around her, trapping her in a suffocating embrace of heartache and despair.

“i should've never married you,” soyeon repeated, her voice hollow and empty as she spoke the words aloud again for a second time. and as the reality of their crumbling marriage washed over them, y/n couldn't help but wonder if they had ever stood a chance at happiness in the first place.

"do something, babe, say something" (say something)

“then there truly is no reason for us to be married any longer.” y/n finally said with a shaky breath, tears falling from her eyes freely. deep down, part of her screamed at her wife. she wanted soyeon to fall to her knees and try and fix it, to leave the company for her and the sake of their marriage.

"lose something, babe, risk something" (you're losing me)

soyeon wiped her own eyes and turned her back to the younger woman. y/n watched her face forward again after a few moments, emotions at an all time high.

with trembling hands of anger and hurt, the ceo reached for the divorce papers on the coffee table, her heart heavy with sorrow. she picked up the pen and signed her name on the dotted line, officially agreeing to a mutual separation.

however, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was signing away not just their marriage, but a piece of her own soul.

"choose something, babe, i got nothing (got nothing) to believe, unless you're choosin' me"

“i’ll sleep in the guest room. just leave by monday night.” soyeon said bitterly, leaving her pen on the table while y/n sat with her head in her hands once more. to see her wife’s name on that paper was what she did want, but not like this.

this hurt more than asking for the divorce in the first place.

soyeon left the room without a second glance, leaving behind an atmosphere heavy with unspoken regrets and shattered hearts. the younger girl sat in silence, the weight of their failed marriage pressing down on her shoulders like a suffocating blanket.

as the sound of soyeon's footsteps faded into the distance, y/n couldn't help but feel a sense of profound loss wash over her. 

you're losing me

she had thought that by taking this step, she would find some measure of closure, some semblance of peace. but now, all she felt was emptiness.

with a heavy heart, y/n rose from her seat and made her way to the guest room, the weight of the moment hanging heavily in the air. she knew that their marriage was over, that there was no going back now. 

but as she settled into bed, surrounded by the echoes of their broken promises, she couldn't help but wonder what might have been. what their life would've looked like if her soon to be ex-wife had put the relationship before her career.

stop (stop, stop), you're losing me

what y/n didn’t know was that soyeon regretted signing that paper immediately after she did it. 

the ceo tossed and turned in her own bed, haunted by the memory of signing her name on those divorce papers. the weight of her decision bore down on her, suffocating her with remorse and regret.

as she lay there in the darkness, she couldn't shake the feeling that she had made a terrible mistake. the realization hit her like a tidal wave, flooding her with a sense of panic and desperation. she had been so consumed by her career, so blinded by her ambitions, that she had failed to see what truly mattered. 

and now, faced with the prospect of losing the love of her life, she felt a profound sense of loss wash over her.

stop (stop, stop), you're losing me

but as the hours passed and the night wore on, soyeon found herself grappling with a difficult truth. no matter how much she regretted her decision, no matter how desperately she wished she could turn back time, she knew that some mistakes were irreversible.

with a heavy heart and tears in her eyes, soyeon whispered a silent prayer into the darkness. she didn’t care who was listening, or if no deity was listening at all.

“please,” she heaved out. “let me fix this.”

she knew that despite her deepest desires, some wounds could never fully heal. and as the first light of dawn painted the sky, she realized that her chance to salvage their marriage had slipped through her fingers.

her denial crumbled the moment she saw y/n had left her wedding ring on the counter. 

i can't find a pulse

with a heavy heart, soyeon accepted the painful truth: she had lost y/n, perhaps forever. and though the regret weighed heavily upon her, she knew that she had to accept the consequences of her actions.

y/n had only lost a marriage that wasn’t benefiting her. it was the best thing for her at the time. soyeon had lost the love of her life. it was the worst thing she could have ever experienced.

in the end, both women were left grappling with the consequences of their choices. y/n had found freedom, while soyeon remained trapped in the prison of her own making. 

and as they each navigated their separate paths, they couldn't help but wonder if they would ever find their way back to one another.

my heart won't start anymore

a/n: pretend i posted this months ago...

[borderlinereminders]

If it’s alright could I ask for a lil elaboration on They don’t have the energy to reply right now from your ignoring messages post? Does that mean like maybe they have depression or they are sick or smth else?

There could be any number of reason someone doesn't have energy! I personally find texting draining, but if I'm on my laptop and can type it's easier. I also much prefer a phone call with friends. It takes way less energy (at least with friends that are content and comfortable if it gets silent. My best friend and I "hang out" where we're on the phone and we talk a bit, but then eventually start doing our own thing while being on the phone together and occasionally mentioning something we've seen on our phone.)

Some possibilities:

They are sick

It's an activity that takes a lot of spoons they don't have

They've had an overwhelming day

They are feeling depressed/down/etc

They have a social battery that runs low

They just want to be alone (this is genuinely a thing. People used to be able to do this easily, but technology nowadays leaves some people thinking people are always available but... they aren't and deserve that alone space.)

(Many other reasons, anyone can feel free to add on.)