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mxnkeydo · 8 months

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wish you were sober ✧ aruden

✧ summary when aiden takes aru home after she gets drunk at a party, she doesn't expect her to say what she does..

✧ genre fluff, angst-ish

✧ word count 1.1k

✧ warnings mentions of alcohol

✧ link to main masterlist

✧ A/N i was bored. i was listening to conan gray. i wrote this fic. *dramatic flourish* (also, sorry for the shitty banner :D)

✧✧✧

kinda hope you’re followin’ me out

but this is definitely not my crowd

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This party’s shit, Aiden thought to himself. It was cheaper than the usual parties Poppy held at her place. The lighting was straight-up bad, the drinks tasted horrible, and, the worst part, the songs playing in the background were trash. What type of party was this, anyway? He wished he could be anywhere but here, but Poppy was keeping a careful eye on him, and it was pretty much impossible to escape. He would take his mind off

Aru sauntered up to him, adjusting the hem of her just-above-knee-length dress. Aiden mentally noted how good the color red looked on her. “Hey,” she said in greeting, and then she did something wildly concerning—she giggled. Arundhati Shah was never one to giggle. Sure, she laughed, chuckled, guffawed, even. But giggling? Psht, that wasn’t a part of her dictionary.

—Which was why Aiden gave her a strange look. “Hey,” he said slowly. “Shah, are you high? I swear to god, please don’t drink more beer.”

She pouted. Yep, she was definitely high. “Why?”

“Because you’re drunk, that’s why. And Krithika’s gonna be pissed if I bring you home like this.”

Aru didn’t respond, and suddenly, she grabbed his hand and pulled him through the crowd. Halfway through she stumbled over her foot and Aiden lunged to catch her, but she caught her footing again and left him blushing like an idiot.

Finally she stopped at a dark corner of the house. Faintly, Aiden felt a draft of cold wind and he shivered. Wearing a flannel and jeans was not the best idea.

He heard two soft thuds and then the draft grew stronger. Aiden hissed through his teeth, firmly spinning Aru around until she was facing him. Vaguely, he realized he was basically pinning her against the wall, and immediately took two steps back. “Shah,” he gritted out. “What are you doing?”

“I’m crawling out the window,” she replied, slurring her words, like that was perfectly normal.

“What do you mean, ‘you’re crawling out the window’?”

“I don’t wanna be around so many people right now.”

“But—but the others—”

“—Can find a ride. Mini’s smart enough to do that.” She sighed, leaning against the wall for support. “I dunno about you, Ammamma, but I’m goin’ out the window to the car. Hope you follow me out. And bring my heels if you do.”

Aiden wasn’t about to let her leave without him. Obviously, she needed someone sober with her. That was the only reason why he agreed, he told himself over and over in his head, but his heart was an entirely different story.

“Can I just ask why the window?”

“Because, dumbass, using the door is boring.”

Aiden shook his head, but he smiled to himself all the same. This version of Aru—drunk Aru—was different, but he kind of liked it. He waited until she was out the window before climbing out himself, her heels in his hands. He let himself drop out onto the dead grass on the lawn, and then followed Aru to the black car. The Rover was a gift from his mother on his eighteenth birthday, and it had taken up quite a bit of her savings for his college tuition. But no matter how much he protested, she refused to sell the car.

Aru wobbled with every step she took, like she was about to fall down any second. Aiden let her lean on him as they walked, his arm around her waist to steady her. Her head lolled against his shoulder as she babbled nonsense, but he paid her no mind as he helped her into the passenger seat.

“You had a lot to drink, huh?” He asked her, biting back a grin.

“No! What makes you think…think that?” Aru blinked sluggishly and beamed at him and—oh God, he could’ve kissed her then and there. His knees went weak.

Aiden shook his head to clear his mind and got into the driver’s seat. Mere seconds after he settled in, he heard Aru breathe in and whisper:

“Aiden….”

He glanced at her. “Yeah?” Her head was leaned back against the seat, her lips slightly parted.

“Aiden…I think I might be in love with you.”

She turned over on her side, still holding the cup she had recently downed. Fuck, she was stunning in that red dress, he thought for the thousandth time tonight. Suddenly he was aware of the ripped jeans he’d mistakenly chosen to wear.

Aiden shook his head. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Shah. I’m driving you home.” He reached for the wheel but Aru grabbed his hand.

“I’m serious. You know, I think…I think you look pretty cute when you’re serious.” She ran a finger down his face, clearly in a daze. “There’s a—a small furrow between your eyebrows and—and your eyes are all dreamy. Actually, they’re always dreamy.” She laughed slightly, twirling a piece of his hair between her fingers.

Aiden tried to open his mouth to say something. Hell, he should've shoved her away. Because Aru was his best friend, nothing more. Even if he wanted them to be more. She’d never see him like that. This was probably some stupid dare from Brynne or something. There was no way in hell that Aru was going to wake up tomorrow and still tell him she loved him. No way in hell.

Aru had leaned near. Her lips were agonizingly close to his. He could smell the alcohol on her breath, her flowery perfume. He could kiss her now, if he wanted to. And Gods, he wanted to. So badly. Even he bent closer, gently caressing her check. Aru closed her eyes.

So it came as a shock to both of them when he pushed her back, forcing her down onto her seat and putting her seatbelt on. Aru hmphed in protest, muttering nonsense under her breath. At one point, he swore he heard, “Kiss me in the seat of your Rover, Acharya. Don’t be a pussy.”

He laughed to himself nervously, knowing it was the beer getting to her head, and replied, “That’s real sweet, Shah.” But she was already asleep. Aiden sighed deeply.

The truth was, he was far from afraid. Not even close. But taking advantage of her like that…that wasn’t right. That wasn’t fair to either of them.

He looked back onto the road, the familiar streets of Atlanta, and willed himself not to look her away. Because one more glance at her, and he wouldn’t be able to stop himself.

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but I wish you were sober...

#wish you were sober #conan gray #aru shah #aiden acharya #aruden #tpq #fic #fanfic #the pandava quintet

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fcble · 6 months

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Inwang jesaekdo, Jeong Seon (1751)

OUTTAKES — A collection of bits and pieces of ideas I had and posts I was going to make that never made it to completion

TRIVIA

I wanted to do posts of miscellaneous trivia and headcanons around certain themes. The only one of these I completed was one on their names. I forced the explanations of Mingeun and Andrew(‘s stage) names into “Double A-Side,” but I do have the rest of them HERE.

I also have some other trivia facts that I think more people should know.

Mingeun keeps a diary in French. He was very strongly encouraged to start one when he was a trainee, and he’s stuck with it ever since. Except he doesn’t want anyone else reading it, which is why he writes in French. It’s also made him a lot better at the language.

The worst-kept Fable secret is that Jaeseop has been in a relationship with his girlfriend since 2016. The best-kept Fable secret is that Jaeseop moved out at the end of 2022 to live with said girlfriend. I am hoping this will have bearing on the story soon other than mentions that Jaeseop doesn’t live with them anymore.

Solidifying the degrees for once because I feel like I’ve said Jaeseop has three different degrees. He does not. His degree is in marketing. Kiyoung’s is in political science, and Andrew’s is in music. Haksu dropped out halfway through but he was studying business administration. His heart was not in it at all.

On the topic of education, Intak went to a technical high school and is a decently qualified fake civil engineer. Eunsu attended SOPA in the Department of Practical Music. Mingeun is the only member without a high school diploma.

The lore-relevant reason for the education is that Taein believes in back-up plans. It’s part of the reason he doesn’t like Mingeun very much. On a tangential note, Neon Nights was the backup if Fable’s debut fell through.

FANSERVICE MOMENTS THAT CAUSE SECOND-HAND EMBARRASSMENT / 2024 WHITE DAY SPECIAL

Exactly what it sounds like. Also the failed post that inspired this one. It was so cringe I couldn’t go through with it. I wanted to write this like a script. Thinking of the dialogue did me in completely. HERE are the only two scenes I finished.

Other things I had planned on were Haksu’s constant enabling of the boyfriend stans (signing fake marriage certificates at in-person fansigns, barking/meowing/whatever in fan calls), Jaeseop chivalry moment (didn’t think farther than that), and an extra terrible group Imagine Your Korea ad.

OOPS ALL HAKSU CONFESSIONS

This is the title of “Great Things” in my docs. When I made the doc, I was going to write it as moments in a confessional booth. The problem with that is that he’s rationalizing all his actions in his head and he would not have confessed at the level of honesty I needed for the piece. So the other half of the piece was going to be entries in Mingeun’s diary because he’s the only one that works like that, and it would have been two perspectives on the same events. There were two problems with that. One, I wanted to die writing first person. Two, he didn’t know the extent of Haksu’s actions.

The last scene of this piece is also a couple of days before the Haksu segment of “Form is Emptiness.” One of the first iterations of this was actually from Andrew’s perspective. It was part of a different Haksu piece which was perspectives on Haksu.

OTHER DOC TITLES (PUBLISHED)

the eunsu departure novella (but mingeun is also everywhere???) — “Form is Emptiness.” Mingeun is everywhere. I can’t explain it. I guess in this context it makes sense because they’re besties.

mingeun wooseok era (probably not he’s not even flopping) — The Shooting Stars drafts doc. You can find it HERE.

andrew han moment — The write-up of In Full Bloom, the YouTube documentary accompanying their second full album. This helped me realize he’s a main character more than I would like to admit.

andrew mingeun parallels (emotionally constipated man discovers talking about your feelings helps) — The working title of “Not Enough.” In hindsight this is funny because they don’t even work through anything here. They were supposed to. Also I spelled impostor correctly once and incorrectly once in the same sentence 👍.

byeonghwi time!!! (how he became a trainee) — “First Love.” Exactly what it sounds like.

mingeun hwajung bi4bi — “Live Wire.” They don’t talk about it in the piece but they are both bisexual.

intak anniversary piece that is actually andrew's identity crisis in disguise — “Double A-Side” was originally going to be from Intak’s perspective because he thinks about a lot of things but doesn’t say a lot of things. I realized pretty early on that this had to be an Andrew piece and so that changed.

OTHER DOC TITLES (UNPUBLISHED)

walk the line — The perspectives on Haksu piece. This was also going to do the same event from multiple perspectives thing. I got as far as three paragraphs into Mingeun’s 2019 Mass experience, which is canon and did happen.

jaeseop at the shareholders meeting! what will happen to him? — Jaeseop attending his first meeting as a Zenith Entertainment stakeholder <3. Since the Fable concept scandal happened, I have to mess with the timeline. This is a thousand words long but I’m going to revisit parts of it in another piece I think so I’m not posting any of those words.

fable! but i don't know where i'm going — A rewrite of one of the very early Fable pieces where Taein told Mingeun to lie about his identity but I never finished it. Actually kind of important now that I think about it. It’s how he ended up the way he was in “Not Enough.” He should know that it’s Taein’s fault. But he was young and angry and desperate and just moved across the world and it was a lot easier for him to take his anger out on Andrew rather than his boss. This was also going to be accompanied by the interlude in which Jaeseop fights for Mingeun’s life, which is what changes Taein’s mind. This is very much missing from just Mingeun’s perspective. Maybe I’ll finish this one. It’s got some great bits like

and also

:(.

BONUS:

What was the main conflict for every Fable member in November 2021?

#╰ to be written in ink is to be immortal — [ misc. ]#kpop oc #fictional idol community #idolverse #idol oc #kpop addition

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squireofgeekdom · 10 months

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haven't done a writing update in a minute, outside of doing wip memes, so --

meet in the middle, chapter 26, the very last chapter -- I think I last counted this at 35 scenes, now I'm counting it at 33, with three of those scenes not having been placed in the outline, i'm pretty sure i've shuffled and consolidated some things, also i may just be off in my counting, who the fuck even knows what i'm doing. Anyway, 7 of those are almost entirely complete, 13 are partially done with 4 of those being more than half done, and 13 are not started.

damn. usually breaking it down like that helps me realize i'm further along than i thought but uhhhhh this really just reminds me how much further i've got. and it's been over a year. trust me, no one is more frustrated at how long this is taking or wants this fic to be done more than i do. cheerleading is. welcome if you want to. That said, all told, writing and outlining and notes and all, the draft is already 8k/30 pages, so it's not nothin, and I do really love some of the scenes I'm finally getting to writing/finishing, and I feel like I've got a bit of momentum. Just gotta keep coming back. 2024 guys, 2024. (knock on wood)

Other things I'm working on - you think a year and change is a while, the Believe AU series hasn't been updated in two+ years cause whoops, that did in fact grow a plot and an ending and it took a hot minute to figure that out. There are four fics left, and the very last one is with my first reader! (thanks M!)

Things that I've started more recently include two Lucius & Fayeth fics, for High Rollers Aerois, inspired by my relisten through (which I've almost finished up!) The first is actually Fayeth & Aridan centric, tentatively titled 'for I cannot turn yet', structured around three scenes, one of which is done, one of which is partially done, and one of which is still notes

The second Lucius & Fayeth fic is tentatively titled 'many rings', which has four scenes mostly/partially written, and then a big ending montage and set piece I still need to break down

As for more things I've been working on for a long ass time - I started 'we both are' shortly after watching the kenobi series, so well over a year now - it's a reva & obi-wan centric fic, to absolutely no one's surprise. I've been making some progress on it recently, it's got 3 scenes pretty much complete, 8 scenes partially finished with 4 of those more than halfway done, and 5 scenes not started.

Plus, a bonus - if you've heard me mention Somnolence or #somnolence fic fuel, that's my post-canon Insomniac Spider-Man 2 fic concept, that's currently just 3k/9pages of notes and bits of writing, but hey, it has a title and a summary - it, in fact, weirdly had a title and a summary before i managed to put a single word of it on page. if you like the weird mindscape/dreamscape kind of stuff i've done in a fair few of my fics, it's going to have lots of that, and if you looked at the spider man 2 symbiote/symbiote hive mind stuff and thought 'this could be weirder and hornier', it should be up your alley XD

anyway, writing! it's a thing i do sometimes.

#squire talks #mitm #believe au #we both are #qpp: you wake up married #somnolence fic fuel #squire's scribing status

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unolvrs · 1 year

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UPCOMING WORKS? PLEASE? IF THERE AREN'T ANY, IT'S OKAY TOO!

uhh, there are both upcoming works and upcoming updates! i have sneak peeks for each one! but here they are:

少年A　（jjk ft. male!reader; possibly megumi/reader）

In a remote village in Sapporo, a thirteen-year-old first year student in an unnamed junior high school allegedly killed three classmates known to bully his best friend who they had driven to suicide. (Or, none of that is true.)

少年A (or: Boy A) was initially made as an OC out of nowhere. i shared him to a few friends before i realized that the set-up of him being nameless and just being called 'Boy A' was perfect for a reader-insert. and before i knew it, i was already writing everything down and it was really, really fun. the term 「少年A」 is something akin to 'John Doe' and it's mostly a name used to minors involved in a crime. there are lots of criminal 「少年A」 in japan so if you want to read about them, i'd give you a big trigger warning because the most well-known 「少年A」 was involved a horrific case.

2. among dawn flowers (the face of god), an extra chapter

i always get notifications about comments concerning dawn flowers and i've read all of them. thank you for your very kind words! they make me feel very happy every time i read them :D i'll be replying to them soon. but the most common comment is about gojō's... well, reaction to everything and what he truly felt for the main character, and there were a couple of misunderstandings in the comments too. i would normally just leave the misunderstandings be to let people have their own interpretation but i've been getting lots of comments and DMs about dawn flowers all the time, so this extra chapter happened. it has the following AUs too:

zen'in naoya marries tengai-san instead

tengai-san survives

tōji snatches up tengai-san (not at all romantic but a found family of sorts because their dynamics are really interesting! because they're the people who neither needs the least!)

and idk, maybe some more? i'll be reading through the comments again!

3. kirigakure-centric naruto fic

“Kirigakure didn’t need help. They needed salvation.” No one knows anything about the Mizukage. Only that she’s kind. She likes to smile. She likes seafood like every other Mizu-born. And that there’s something inexplicably wrong with her. There’s something wrong with the Mizukage whom the Kiri-nin call a ‘god’. —or, Wataru Wataru was never really a powerhouse, in this life or the last, but she’s resourceful. She knows cults, pyramid schemes, and corrupt politicians like the back of her hand, so of course, she becomes the Mizukage and becomes a god along the way.

it's highlighted because it's undergoing editing... but yes, the mizukage cultist fic that i was talking about a month ago. it currently has four chapters in my drafts. i'm testing the waters on whether or not i can maintain it. so far, i have everything planned... like the timeline... it's too detailed.

4. shintō pjo fic

Beyond the eastern seas, Sen'no Hyōran wages a one-man war. (Or, if all she needs is the Golden Fleece, if all she needs is to steal that damned thing, then she will. Those Greeks standing in her way or not.)

YES IT'S HAPPENING OK!

of course, there's also the writing of kill the goose (3 chapters in my drafts now!), rain on my parade (a very slow rewriting), sunday without god (i wrote the next chapter and it was too long like 8k words and i'm not even halfway done so i'm stuck)! and posting some comm'd works that have been rotting in my drive for months!

some possible fics but no promises:

floating blue (nanami/reader)

Aoi's josei romance manga life starts when she's saved by Nanami Kento after almost falling down the train tracks! (Or, it turns out that Aoi is the main character of a supernatural josei manga! She's so excited!)

starts off as a cliché josei manga set-up bc aoi is a josei manga protagonist! then turns deep :D might become a reader-insert instead but without the [name] insert things. just second pov. this was really meant to be a rom-com than a sudden "omg! i'm in a supernatural josei manga!" might write bc it's a cute concept.

the prostitution of learning (jjk & male!oc)

There is no other main character but Kikuchi Eita. (Or, defeating enemies, exorcizing Curses, facing conservative higher-ups, there’s no adversity that Kikuchi Eita cannot push through because Kikuchi Eita is the main character. That is until Itadori Yūji.)

i made this guy before 少年A and while eita is my favorite oc i've ever created in jjk, 少年A's story is easier to write. but the prostitution of learning is a bit more complicated even just with eita's planned CT and while i'd love nothing more than to write this one, idk if i'd have the time but i really want to!

willow diaries / 柳日記 (kakashi/oc)

Kakashi gets a nobleman's concubine pregnant. Whoops. (Or, I no Yanagihaya's honorable brother-in-law said to surprise him. She did.)

first of all, it's not cheating or infidelity. said nobleman is dead. anyway, i think this is the most likely to be written bc i've written the first chapter a hundred times but couldn't get satisfied. anyway, this one's fun. and i love civilian ocs! especially writing nobility. the research was a pain but i loooove this one.

pls... don't ask me about frog in a well :"") i'm working on it! idk, froggie's become that weird cousin idk if i wanna talk to or not. it's awkward between the two of us right now bc ik i could start writing the chapter anytime and get it done and over it quickly but i've been lazy and focusing on other stuff hehe <3

#問 ━━ answers #aka the monthly “what are you writing rn uno”

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faerynova · 1 year

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Hey, 🥝 of the queue system here again! I'm sorry if I'm clogging up your ask box here, but im pretty sure my previous ask got eaten. Anyways- I was wondering when exactly raph's OSDD came to light?

Hope you're good ^^

it didnt get eaten its in my drafts with like 5 paragraphs of nonsense sldkjfsdk

dw tho youre not a bother i love getting asks and talking about my fics. it can just take me like a while to respond if its something i have to actually think about

honestly im still figuring out details!! its not relevant to connective tissue (the big fic im working on w my friend) so its not super high priority, but im dipping my toes in a raph backstory oneshot to explore his whole everything

uhhh rambly under the cut!!

i think hes like 11 or 12 when he figures out hes a system. but also i think that he pretty consistently heard and even talked to mind raph for years and just assumed that like... he has a very animated inner monologue (donnie's words, not raph's). mind didnt see any need to say anything otherwise because it kept the system functional

tbh all the boys are so weird in their own ways that raph's weird stuff (garbage memory, "mood swings", hardcore zoning out, randomly going nonverbal, talking to himself) is hardly a blip on anyone's radar so he didnt really think about it either (raph is also autistic you'll pry it from my cold dead hands so theres another reason he just didnt second guess anything)

i think what tips raph off eventually is the memory stuff. if he forgets something, or blanks out a whole day, then why can mind raph remember and give him tips and reminders for things? he shouldnt know things that raph doesnt.

basically: slow realization, nothing sudden or alarming. unnerving yeah but on raphs end it gets worked out through communication w mind raph and then the rest of the system. and from there honestly he IMMEDIATELY tells the rest of his family that hes got other people in his head. that part im sure of. the collective doesnt hesitate with telling everyone else

its a lot of confusion and antics with splinter being halfway convinced raph is possessed (absolutely nothing bad comes from it. splinter just doesnt know what the fuck osdd is and he knows magic is real so like. reasonable assumption on his end), and then its april to the rescue because her dad is a psychologist and she can be like hey this thing has a name actually and ive got info from a ~professional~

reactions vary--splinter has some v e r y complicated emotions. donnie and leo both get a bit overbearing/invasive asking raph all sorts of questions about his system and april is beating them back with a stick. mikey is mildly confused but is having a blast getting to meet the rest of the collective properly. everyone gets to figure stuff out together from there

#im always nervous posting first thoughts like this abt my fics esp when im still mid-research #i wanna talk but i wanna make sure my shit is CORRECT #which is why it can take me a while to respond #honestly just need to bite the bullet and deal with it #here are my ~first draft thoughts~ please forgive anything weird about them #anyway raph learning hes a system and telling his fam? chill. confusing but ultimately no drama #raph later learning hes an alter and not the core?? ho boy that one comes with a lot of ptsd and no one has a good time but thats for later #(ik not all systems have a core but thats how the collective functions)#ask

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awritingcaitlin · 20 days

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August Wrap-Up

August was a bit like July. I wrote more than I thought I would. Slowly easing back into Heist. Actually feel like I’m getting somewhere again. Also it helps that I’m not holding myself accountable to have “[so many] chapters done by [date]” it’s more like “I will write/edit for at least 30 minutes every day and see how that goes.” And it’s working really well for me right now.

Still no move. Still no luck with job applications. Not much to say there because it’s depressing.

📺On the Screen📺

So we watched Dungeon Meshi/Delicious in Dungeon. And that was fantastic. I knew I was gonna like it. I did not realize how much I was going to like it. I loved watching something that talked about diet serving you and your body, not trying to push yourself into something that’s ultimately bad for you. I loved watching everyone’s particular brand of autism. The magic system. The worldbuilding. The general symbolism I could write essays on it.

Marcille is, unsurprisingly, my favorite. You had me at “elf mage” to be honest. But also the way she approaches magic. The reason she does the things she does. Her propensity for “blow it up first, ask questions later.” Her particular brand of necromancy :) I just love her. I think one of my favorite parts was when they were fighting the red dragon and Laios told her to blast him up to the dragon’s face using only Senshi’s shield as protection and she balks a bit but then she does it. The two of them are matched crazy for crazy in the best way.

I’m slowly working my way through the manga now to see what happens next. I am mad that we didn’t get the bit about Marcille’s hair during the ritual but otherwise I’m loving how faithful the anime adaptation is. Looking forward to Season 2!

🎮With a Controller🎮

Technically, mouse and keyboard, but still. Continuing my run of Dragon Age: Origins. I keep binge playing it off and on. So I’m only about halfway through. I’ve finished Ostagar, done the Brecelian Forest, the Circle Tower, and Redcliffe through saving Connor. I’m now questing to find the Urn of Sacred Ashes.

I’m also going through a bit slower because I’m sorta-kinda writing down events as they happen for that theoretical Origins fanfic I keep telling myself I’m going to write. But I actually have more substance to it this time. (Oh yeah I did mention this last month. So yeah, it’s still happening.)

Also the brainrot of “Delicious in Dragon Age” happened and I was thinking about a blend of the two. Have I actually gone anywhere with this? Nope! But it sure was fun to think about for a few days.

(also it's so amusing when I'm on fire during a cutscene because the animation didn't stop prior to the scene starting.)

💻At the Keyboard💻

In addition to the zero draft stream-of-consciousness Dragon Age fanfic, I did put some more effort into Heist this month. Restructuring everything last month really got me going again. My total net word count for the month wasn’t very high, but that’s also because I’ve been deleting stuff that isn’t working. (Or, rather, moving it to a deleted scenes folder which doesn’t impact my total word count in Scrivener.)

But yeah, Chapter 27 got half rewritten to set up my new stakes. Then, naturally Chapter 28 needed edits to reflect that. Chapters 29-30 actually were mostly unaffected. But then Chapter 31 needed edits, Chapter 32 needed the major conversation in the second half entirely reworked, and Chapter 33 needed to be reworked tonally. Chapter 34 was entirely new, but it fit in and filled a hole nicely. The latest thing I’ve done is change the POV for Chapter 35, which I’m almost done with. There’s now going to be 48 chapters according to my most recent outline and hopefully I’m still under 110k words when I’m done. (Previous draft was 60 chapters and 106k words.)

But word count is actually not something I’m generally thinking about at the moment. I’m trying to get it all on the page. Ideally, by the end of this month I’ll be nearing the end of this draft. It’s the stretch goal, but I’m not going to beat myself up over it. 30 minutes a day minimum, we’ll see where that gets me.

More rambling about Heist under the cut:

The Needed Changes: (as of right now) Chapter 35 - POV shift that I’m still working on Chapter 36 - will need minor edits Chapter 37 - needs to be entirely redone Chapter 38 - I have a framework but the stuff I’ve changed will mean major edits Chapter 39 - taking bits and pieces from other chapters from the previous draft for an effectively brand-new chapter Chapter 40 - similar case as Chapter 39 Chapter 41 - framework there, but will need major edits to reflect previous changes Chapter 42 - moderate to major edits Chapter 43 - major edits Chapter 44 - moderate to major edits Chapter 45 - major edits Chapter 46 - major edits Chapter 47 - major edits Chapter 48 - mostly all good, but will need minor to moderate edits Anyway, here’s to getting further in this draft and getting it out to beta readers within a month or so!

#monthly wrap up #relic of the gods

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velitor · 1 month

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✦ Project ER Ramble ✦

i wanna ramble about my current WIP LMAO so. sorry not sorry

this is the first original that i ever really fleshed out -- something that stemmed from a fanfic idea but then got so complex that i realized it couldn't really be fanfic anymore -- and the first one that i buckled down and actually wrote a full draft for

of course, being my first big original project, it has a special place in my heart, but the story i want to tell with it does, too. i'm still working on refining that story through my second draft, but i'm so excited every time i sit down and think about it and work through how to make the message better for the next writing session

i also started this story halfway through college. the first chapter of draft 1 was written by vel from 2020/2021. so this story has seen phases of me and my writing and what i'm trying to work through in life, and that makes it mean that much more to me?

anyway. this was supposed to be like an intro post to the project, but i guess my mind decided to go somewhere else LMAO. maybe i'll do character intros individually later on so they all get their chance to shine :-3

#writing #writers on tumblr #creative writing #adhd writer #creating #writerscommunity #project er

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veronicaleighauthor · 4 months

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The Second and Third Draft

It’s been a while since I’ve mentioned my current WIP novel, “Eye For An Eye.” Time for an update. ::rubs hands together:: Here we go!

Well, as you know from this post, I completed the first draft of my Lady Sheriff novel, “Eye For An Eye.” I put it into the hands of my beta readers: my mother and sister. One is a mystery junkie; the other is a writer who isn’t shy about telling me what doesn’t work in my novels. After they read it through, we had a number of conversations on the characters, theories, little plot holes, historical inaccuracies, etc – it was determined that the novel was solid and I could move forward with the revisions. I can’t begin to say how relieved I was, that there wasn’t a glaringly major plot hole that can destroy a WIP. Remember that episode of “Modern Family” where they’re on a train and Cam and Phil pester their favorite novelist, and more or less break him? Hailey joins in at one point. Then Luke ironically saves the author’s day with a piece of geography he learned, that can make the novelist’s story plausible. I love that show.

Anyway, I combed through the draft a few times myself, making notes and rewriting certain parts. I did a second draft, implementing those changes. I also added four thousand words to the wordcount, bringing it up to 71,000 words. Yay! I completed the second draft in a week and I let it sit for a couple of weeks and worked on a new short story, did revising on another short story at an editor’s request, and wrote a few blog posts. During that little break, I realized because the second draft went so quickly, I needed to do a more major revision for the third draft.

I decided to follow this blog post’s advice and basically rewrite the entire novel, from start to finish. I used the existing draft as my template and started the third draft from scratch. I’m almost at the half-way point, but the change has been ::massive::! It’s a daunting process, to rewrite a novel. You do want to throw in the towel. You wonder if it’s worth it. But from past experiences, I found that this process works for me. I apply it to every novel I write and I’ll promote this piece of writing advice to whoever will listen. The prose, the pacing, the dialog – greatly improved. Tomorrow I’ll be on Chapter 10, which is nearly halfway through the novel. If I’m diligent, I’ll complete it on June 15th. We’ll see.

So, what does your revision process look like?

Until next time!

#historical fiction #writing is hard #mystery fiction #writing advice #crime fiction #lady sheriff series #writing #eye for an eye #modern family

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decadentpandawasteland · 6 months

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This part of the story is not very heavy in the revenge in itself. When I read reading through some of my old sections, I realized I hadn't actually fleshed out the characters except for a few key points. Oh, I also finally named the city they are in and have an extremely rough draft of the map. Anyway, enough of my ramblings. Please feel free to let me know what you think, points that be made clearer, or anything like that. As always, thank you for reading :)

Ps. The next section will show some of the breakdowns for this world's magic system

---------------------------------------------------

Damien and Wryn stood on the wall overlooking a wide grassy plain. The rain had stopped by the time they had arrived at the stairs leading up to the wall and the sunlight made it through the clouds. This caused there to be small patches of the grass to be illuminated, while most were covered in darkness. A strong breeze blew, creating waves in the emerald sea. The pair sat in silence for a while. Wryn's hood was getting caught in the breeze and for a second Damien thought it was going to blow off, finally revealing the stranger's face. It always threatened to, but it never did fall off.

“Why do you hide your face so much?” Damien asked as he watched the emerald waves crash into part of the wall.

“Why do you choose to live here? There is a vast world out there. Countless sights waiting to be seen, bars to drink at, and pretty women for you to try and swoon. Yet, you've chosen this place. Why?” Wryn asked.

Neither of them broke their gaze, watching the grass sway in the breeze. The wind was shifting the clouds, giving bright radiant light in some areas only to be snuffed out a second later. Both of them refused to look to their right. That's where the gallows sat. Where they had watched the lives of an innocent, a scoundrel, and a rebel die. Damien let out a long sigh. He turned around looking back to the town inside the walls. The town that was built halfway into and around the base of a sheer rock wall. The similarities between out there and in here were both almost non-existent and completely similar at the same time.

“I hav- had a wife, once. Rhea,” Damien turned around and found the treeline far off into the distance to the east. “There's a little village, if you can even call it that, way past that treeline. I grew up past it. On a farm. Just me, my father, and mother. I'd play in the forest over there. That's where we met. Just two dumb kids, playing in the forest.”

A tear ran down his cheek, as he continued.

“Rhea had always talked about Evansguard as this big city. She’d always ask ‘Who wouldn't want to live in a city built into a mountain?’ and I'd always just shake my head. After my mom was killed by those fucks, I ran through the forest and found her in the same place as me. Those assholes took her family and did the same thing to them. We were just teenagers and now we were on our own. We loved each other, but it isn't the same as what we lost,” Damien said, silent tears fell.

Clouds swirled in the sky as the sunlight patches began being blocked out, one by one.

“Thankfully there was an inn in that tiny village. The village is called Wandering. We stayed there and thankfully the owner let us work instead of paying for us to stay. The Wandering Inn was our first home. We stayed there for a while, but eventually we had earned enough. She had never once forgotten her dream to live here. I think this place became a haven for her, or her idea of it did anyway. We bought that land the house is on, you know. It was supposed to be our first real home.” The tears had stopped and was slowly replaced with rage. Out in the distance, only a few sunspots remained, leaving inky darkness covering the ground.

Through all of this, Wryn never took her eyes off the horizon. She took in each word, each syllable, each meaning in complete silence.

“They give out rewards. If you're willing to be a backstabbing prick to everyone you know, it's apparently a very lucrative business…” Damien's voice trailed off.

“None of that answers why you've stayed here. Why are any of you staying here? It's a vipers den, each snake willing to eat its own young, its own tail to satiate its hunger. Burn out this viper den. Between the loss of her or part of your sight, you know the venom their fangs bare,” Wryn asked. She had no inflection in her words. They were stiff and mechanical.

Damien just ignored her question, continuing to stare out into the dark sea of grass. A single drop of sunlight was all that poked through the heavens. Clouds swirled and moved but that stream of light refused to be swallowed up.

“She ran a little seamstress shop in town. She was good. Really good, actually. She had been right. This was a place that we could make a home. A place for us to thrive, despite everything that we had endured. In my lowest points she was my harbor in the storm. I tried to be her lighthouse, to guide her safely home. Do you know what lights can also do? They can bring in the vermin who deserve nothing but pain,” he spat the last words out.

All that remained in that emerald sea in front of them was a tiny pinprick of light.

“I did something I regret every day. I had gotten drunk and I let something stupid slip out. It was one fucking sentence. ONE. SENTENCE. WRYN. ‘I've got my eye on all that gold that they're collecting’. It was a drunken boast and it ruined everything.” Damien's words echoed as he screamed it into the plain in front of them as the last little bit of light was snuffed out. The clouds darkened, the breeze changed directions swirling and whipping violently around them.

Wryn stared out towards the horizon, her cloak and hood billowed in the gusts of wind and her long white hair flew in all directions. Quietly, in a voice void of any emotion she simply said, “Finish it, Damien.”

After a long moment, he took a deep, shuddering breath. “It was one of the guys at the bar. Thorn. Regs Thorn. He was the one feeding drink after drink until I was drunk enough to forget myself. Forgot where I was, and that little rat-faced prick heard that magical sentence. He walked me home and said he didn't want me drowning in a gutter. After he dropped me off, the fuck walked to a guard outpost and told them exactly what I'd said. That's why they cut my eye out. Their captain just laughed, thinking he was the funniest fucking man in existence. They took her Wryn. She swung from the same gallows. But they left me here, alone. A punishment I wouldn't wish on anyone.”

You won't leave her, will you?” Wryn asked.

“No Wryn. I won't leave her dream.”

In the distance, lightning danced from cloud to cloud, and thunder boomed, as if in agreement from the heavens itself.

#fantasy #my writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #fantasy writing #writing #books

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chronurgy · 10 months

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hiiiiiii im going to need a director’s commentary on this passage from (departure from the vulgar crowd) please…i loved their connection over gortash’s bling:

It was always nice to have one’s work appreciated, especially by someone intelligent enough to truly comprehend the craft. “It uses a miniaturized system of springs and counterweights to generate energy from my natural arm movements. A system of my own design, naturally. In fact, all the pieces are of my own design and construction.”

When they had looked up at him, it was with hunger in those dark eyes. “Fascinating,” they breathed. He wasn’t sure if the intensity in their eyes and words came from a desire to learn more about him or to dissect him. Possibly both. One could never be sure with their lot.

So interestingly this scene was not actually present in the first draft - it went straight from Vesper telling Gortash to leave them alone and let them read into him thinking about their abilities in combat. I added this scene in when I was about halfway through the fic. So where did this scene come from? Several different places. First, my headcanon that Gortash had the gauntlets before the netherstone and that they would have held something else then - in this case a set of magi-tech capacitors that could deliver an electric shock or extra force damage and that this tech was unique enough that he had to have designed it himself. Second, from my rewrites to the scene where they first meet in the sewers. I'd considered having him show off the gauntlets in an attempt to threaten or impress Vesper, but I realized that they're basically one of the most noticeable things about him (especially if he's dressed down compared to his archduke outfit) and that Vesper would immediately clock them as magical and be interested without him particularly having to do anything. Third, that Vesper would desperately want to get their hands on those things.

With all of that, this seemed like the perfect place to put the scene because Vesper and gortash are alone, so Vesper doesn't need to be as "on" as they would be in front of their cultists. I was also happy to come up with this because I felt like I needed a scene where Vesper demonstrated some interest in Gortash which this did well. Vesper starts to respect gortash here because he's just shown them this incredibly cool and well designed magical mechanism that he designed and made himself which makes it clear that this guy isn't just some braggadocious weirdo - he's very clever. It's part of why they're so confident that he didn't fuck up the guard counts and were testing them - they know that he's on their level and that's probably what they would have done in his position. They're still wary of him but there's a sort of game recognize game moment here.

It's also where gortash starts to put together his "in" with Vesper, which is that they are very smart and very lonely (which is a state he would know something about). I originally had him comment on that (I believe he thought something like "got you" when he caught them staring) but I pulled it because it just didn't flow right with the rest of the scene. But it did come back at the end there when he mentions other projects he's working on to further entice them to come to his estate.

Also, though it wasn't intentional, it's very funny that Gortash is out here going on about how you can never tell if "their lot" want to get to know him or dissect him when later that night he's going to say he wants to take them apart in his lab in a way that's very ambiguous about whether he means dissecting them or fucking them (or both). They really are perfect for each other, the freaks.

Finally, I based the mechanisms in the gauntlets on self winding watches. They use a semicircular weight that pivots with natural wrist movements to wind the mainspring of the watch. That's the idea here - the weights tighten the springs which pull on (here's where magic comes in) crystals that can convert that kinetic energy to arcane potential, and gortash has built something akin to a capacitor bank to then store that energy. So that's where that concept came from!

#Wow this ended up being way longer than I thought (I've also said that about everything I've ever written so maybe I shouldn't be surprised)#Hope that was all interesting!#Departure from the vulgar crowd #Vesper #My writing

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grilledcheeseandguavajelly · 1 year

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🌹, ❤️, 🍁 please? :D

🌹 What is your favorite kind of fan fiction to write?

I love writing angst 🙈 ohhh, I don’t know what that says about me, but I love writing angst that maybe turns to smut and also hurt/comfort fics!! But honestly, as cheesy as it is, I really, truly love just breaking something down and delving into the emotion of it all. If that makes any sense. I prefer writing emotion over action/scenic description. But a lot of people probably think that my fics are too rambly because of that and I am so sorry 🙈

❤️ Who is your favorite character to write?

Ohhh you would ask me this right as I’m starting to wiggle into a new character’s brain 🙈 I think overall, Wilhemina Venable or Billie Dean Howard. But I have a few new things in my drafts and when I say that I am absolutely head over heels for these characters 👀 @welshdragonrawr knows because she has to listen to me scream about them incessantly (and then complain that I’m not writing them well enough 🙈)

🍁 How is your current WIP going, and can we have a sneak peek?

Firstly, I think we should correct this to WIPssss, because there are so many of them I’ve lost count. I rotate through them like one of those little spinny trays that you put in the middle of the table, so I can just sift through and pick out the one I’m in the mood to toy with that day and then put it back and start again 🙈 A few of them are almost finished, though!! Including the “does your mother know” Billie fic 🙈 So here, have a teeny piece that’s probably not going to make a lot of sense out of context:

“Will you take me home, Billie…?”

The question was soft, and for a second you forgot that you hadn’t simply thought it. But then Billie was nodding with a small “of course, honey” and wrapping her arm around your waist as she led you away from the building and to the parking lot.

You hated that she was touching you like this, hand firm and warm and steadying against you. You hated that you loved it, heat threading out from her fingers and warming you somewhere deep inside. Because this was so domestic, and it seemed so natural, and somehow all fear of consequences flew out the window because you wanted this for the rest of your life, no matter what.

You arrived at Billie’s car too soon, and before you knew it she had opened the door for you and offered you a hand as you slid into the passenger seat. And then the door closed and you were alone, the smell of ash and sage filling your lungs as Billie crossed to the driver’s side of the car. You only had a split second to think that you wanted to be wrapped in this smell forever, that it smelled warm and deep and like coming home, before Billie opened the door and started the car. And then somehow you were halfway home and neither of you had spoken two words to the other.

Billie drove with her hand on the gearshift. You noted it, noted the way her acrylics tapped against the metal and the way her thumb smoothed down against the leather. The thought that you wanted to hold her hand flitted through your mind, and you almost bent to it, but then—

“I’m sorry.”

Billie’s voice startled you against the silence of the car, and you whipped your head up to look at her.

“No no, Billie. Why are you apologizing? Please, if anything, I should be the one—“

Her hand left the gearshift then, finger waving absently as she flicked at her turn signal and slowed the car.

“It was my fault. I took it too far.”

“No, you didn’t,” you countered, trying to catch her eye as she took the turn. It was only then that you realized you were driving down your street, Billie’s house just a few hundred feet ahead.

Billie hummed, a dismissive sound, and something in you hardened because no. She didn’t get to shut you out like this. You weren’t a child, and you were fully capable of discussing this with her.

“Billie, stop the car.”

“What?”

“I said stop the car.”

#thank you for the ask lovely!!#I hope that little snippet wasn’t too weird or confusing #it makes sense in context I promise #hopefully 👀🙈#anyway I hope you’re having a great day!!#ask me anything #asks #fanfic asks #billie dean howard x reader #billie dean x reader

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anniesocsandgeneralstore · 2 years

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So I may or may not have thought up a whole lotta back story for Jake in that NFL au we've been talking about.

And uh, spoiler alert, I totally did! 😆

Enjoy!

(there are also fixes for the timeline issues we discovered due to the length of an NFL season so that Ronnie can actually end up going into labor at full term after they win the Super Bowl😄)

Jake went to the University of Texas on a football scholarship

Towards the end of his freshman year, he starts dating a girl he met in his Comparative Literature class (Jake is secretly a giant bookworm).

Jake’s always been a hopeless romantic, so he falls for her hard and fast. They end up dating all four years of college and by the end of their senior year Jake is sure she’s The One. Can imagine his whole future with her.

She’s the picture perfect college football girlfriend and when he tells her that he wants to put his name in for the NFL draft she is enthusiastically supportive of the idea.

Senior year rolls around and while he doesn’t win the Heisman there’s still a lot of talk in the world of college sports media and NFL media about his draft possibilities.

The Minnesota Vikings take him at number 25 in the first round. Not as high as the analysts thought he’d go, but still pretty decent.

While Jake wasn’t exactly excited to be moving to Minnesota, he was thrilled nonetheless that his dream of playing in the NFL was coming true. His girlfriend on the other hand, was almost embarrassingly vocal about her dislike of having to move to Minnesota. She also kept making little comments about how purple really isn’t her color and that she looks better in a light blue “like that LA Chargers blue”.

Jake’s rookie year in Minnesota is not his best year, both professionally and personally.

Jake and the other rookies quickly realize that playing in the NFL is way different than playing in college and they all struggle to adapt, with Jake taking the longest. Which frustrates him to no end.

At home, his relationship with his girlfriend is starting to crack but Jake refuses to admit it. He’s also refusing to admit the painful truth that his girlfriend wasn’t still with him because she loved it, she was still with him because she loved the idea of being the girlfriend/wife of a professional athlete.

If he had been truthful with himself, he would have noticed his relationship was headed south based on his girlfriend’s reaction to not having unrestricted access to the account his NFL money went to.

At the end of his rookie year, Jake is traded to the Indianapolis Colts and his girlfriend breaks up with him. She admits to him that this was not the kind of life she envisioned when he said he wanted to play in the NFL. She was expecting a life like that of Tom Brady & Gisele Bundchen (before the divorce lol), hanging out and becoming friends with celebrities and living in a million dollar mansion.

So Jake starts his second year in the NFL in Indianapolis with a broken and now jaded heart. He decides he’s not going to let anyone get close to him again. No relationships, just fun and done.

It doesn’t take too long before he’s got a reputation as both a player and the team asshole.

Cue Ronnie showing up a little over halfway through his second year with the Colts.

Jake freely admits to himself that he finds her attractive. During practice he makes comments and remarks that definitely toe the line between appropriate and not appropriate.

But Ronnie gives as good as she gets and Jake starts to admire her for that.

Towards the end of the season, the two of them have definitely become more flirty with each other.

The Colts just miss making it to the AFC Championship that season.

One of the other guys on the team hosts a Super Bowl party for those who are still in town and both Jake (who lives in Indy year round) and Ronnie go.

A drunk kiss or three happens between the two of them.

When sober they admit to each other that they find the other one attractive. With it now the off season, they decide on a no strings attached fwb thing.

Over the next four months, Jake starts to catch feelings. Somewhere along the line, Ronnie has (unbeknownst to her) chipped away at the walls around his heart. (if he was honest with himself, she basically blew them up).

But he doesn’t want these feelings because the last time he let a girl in, she broke his heart.

And just as Jake is finally starting to think that it might not be so bad to let Ronnie in, that’s when she tells him she’s pregnant (Ronnie taking some antibiotics for strep throat plus one night where they had a bit too much to drink to remember to use backup protection equals oops).

Jake freaks out.

He freaks out because his first thought wasn’t “shit”, his first thought was “our baby is going to be so adorable”. Quickly followed by “this baby is half Ronnie and I already love it” with images flashing in his mind of Ronnie living with him at his place, watching her glow as her bump gets bigger, Jake holding a baby that has his nose and Ronnie’s eyes, watching a toddler run down a hallway, giggling as Jake & Ronnie give chase.

Jake slams the brakes on that train of thought as fast as he can.

Instead what comes out is "Look, we had fun. It was good! But, you know...I didn't sign up for this. I'm not exactly cut out for the parenting life." despite the fact that he’s always wanted a family, always wanted to be a dad. Ignoring how much his heart is breaking again, he just looks at Ronnie and tells her to take care of it.

This happens around mid to end of June. Jake stops talking to Ronnie.

They don’t see each other again until training camp in August.

Jake asks Ronnie if she’s “solved her problem” and that’s when Ronnie tells Jake she decided to keep the baby. He’s secretly relieved and he may or may not have cried when he got home that night.

He still keeps his distance from her because he still refuses to admit to himself his feelings for her. Plus Ronnie has made it pretty clear she doesn’t want or need his help.

And then the rest of it plays out like how we talked about before with Ronnie just starting her second trimester when the season starts.

She ends up staying with Jake at his place because something happens to her apartment - like it catches on fire or mold is found? Or maybe Ronnie starts getting disturbing hate mail from people who don’t think women should be allowed to coach in the NFL or a stalker and the team is like “you need to find someplace safer to live for a while until the police catch this crazy person” and Jake just “casually” offers up one of his spare bedrooms.

Ronnie gets to his place "For someone who lives by themselves, why is your place so big?"

"I don't know. I didn't want to deal with buying a house so I told my agent to deal with it. Just said it had to have a pool, privacy, and enough room to have parties. Oh, and a nice bathroom."

INDY THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING ON THE FUCKING PLANET I AM SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP YOUR MIND I CAN'T

new and improved timeline y'all she's going on the masterlist

the broken heart?? the guardedness to protect himself?? being in the NFL not what he thought it would be?? him falling for ronnie despite every attempt not to (a running gag with this man i see)?? i am SCREAMING

#annie answers #my darling darling indy #oc: ronnie bradshaw #nfl au #football player jake #football player hangman #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin #hangman

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iamanerd1 · 9 months

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You know how making art can tell you about yourself? No? Not quite sure what that means or looks like?

Well, here I can show you:

I am 19 years old, it’s august and I’ve just spent the summer at my parents house after my second year of university. I didn’t really do much that summer, hung out, taught some local kids swimming, but that’s it. I am terrified to fly back, halfway around the world to my tiny apartment where I live alone. The pervious year of university has been the loneliest I have ever been. I’m worried and feel unprepared for the future ahead of me.

On august 30th, I post a story which contains this section:

“Hell,” Nemuri says, sniffling with a big smile on her face as she comes down from the endorphin high. “You’re going to be okay kid. And for Christ’s sake you’re only twenty-years-old. You got a lifetime with your idiot ahead of you.”

On September 3rd I turn 20.

Keep going? Sure.

It’s the next year, still august and I have recently realized that the group of people I wanted to be my good close friends are 1) not interested in knowing me in that way and 2) are not good friends in general. I have no partner, I’ve never dated. I am frustrated that all of the really important people in my life I can only access through a phone and online and that I have to deal with time zones in order to talk to someone who cares about me.

On August 20th I post this:

“I wish we didn’t have to do this,” he says.

She sputters, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, catch up like this. I wish you just knew–” he sighs –“about all of this stuff, and I wouldn’t have to tell you because you’d already know. It’s not the same.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“And it’s not that life’s bad or anything, right?”

“No,” she agrees.

“But— It could be better right?”

“Yeah…” She feels the chill of the night air cling onto her, causing her to shiver.

“And that’s why, I wanted to ask..." She hears him take in a breath. "When this whole thing is over, do you want to do this together?”

“Do what together?”

“The life thing.”

She blinks. “What does that mean?”

“I’m not sure, but I know that it just doesn’t feel right without you being here.”

I kind of knew I was writing to myself here, but hey! It also fits the characters so it can include a bit of me in there, as a treat.

Then, right now, 2:46am, my big problem is that I am facing down my last semester of university, and then the great big cliff’s edge of the unknown in terms of what I am going to do with my life afterwards.

And in my fucking drafts, in a brain-dumping document, I see two lines I have written down, two alternate pieces of dialogue which I am reading over as I go to bed:

S: “It’s not about who you are, it’s about who you’ll become, but you need to give yourself some space for that.”

S: “You can’t make it happen overnight, but someday you realise you’ve always been on your way there. You just have to be open and let it happen.”

HEY BRAIN, SUBCONSCIOUS, WHO KNOWS WHAT I NEED TO HEAR BUT DOESN’T HAVE THE GUTS TO INTERNALIZE IT

FUCK YOU

#ah what to tag #art #writing #????#does anyone else get slapped in the face when they read their own writing or is it just me?#nerd's words

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linklethehistorian · 2 years

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Cherish Development Notes — Part 5: Chapter 3

Y’all know the drill; it’s once again time for me to open up the old Cherish scrapped content document and see what I’ve got to share with you about the development of yet another chapter in the fic.

Today, we’re going to be having a look at Chapter 3! Let’s begin!

(As per the usual warning, some Storm Bringer and Fifteen spoilers may be present, and obviously, there will be VerRim/RimLaine and ChuuArt content, so proceed at your own discretion. Also. It’s pretty long.)

Original Outline

There wasn’t much of an elongated outline for this chapter in my initial ramblings, but this is what I did have written down for it:

[Mori and Chuuya go] and [save] the person Paul pulled out of the river and, Paul comes with, they take him to Mori’s old doctor office […]

Secondary Outline & Third Outline

As with many of the earlier chapters in the fic, there was no second outline made for Chapter 3 outside of the small joke summary that was placed in the draft page for AO3 throughout its production.

As for the third outline, it wasn’t until halfway through Chapter 6 that I had started making TL;DRs of all of the past, present, and futures for my friend, so there was no genuine one of these for this chapter at the time; what I had in the first outline and the joke summary was basically what I got to work with.

Nevertheless, for the heck of it, I will still include the thing I later wrote in hindsight that would have been the “third outline”, had I created it at the time:

Chapter 3 is basically just, Chuuya and Mori arriving on the scene, and Chuuya immediately realizing the mistake in his judgement. He and Paul end up arguing over the fact he got Chuuya all worried about him for nothing, and eventually it comes out that he had intentionally not given him the fully story. In the heat of the moment, Chuuya says a lot of stuff he doesn’t mean, basically tells him off, says he’s learned nothing and he was mistaken for thinking maybe he’d changed, that he’s still a selfish bastard who doesn’t think about anyone but himself, brings up what he did to Arthur etc etc., but then regrets it shortly thereafter when he sees how much it devastates Paul. He attempts to make amends, but Mori calls for them to join him in the ambulance, as he’s loaded the patient in safely and won’t tolerate any delays.

Chuuya asks him to join him up front while he drives so they can talk, and Paul desperately wants to, but at the same time feels drawn to join Mori in the back and help him to make sure the patient stays alive until they reach the clinic. Ultimately, he goes with the latter, which leads Chuuya to feel even more guilty bc now in his mind, Paul doesn’t even want to talk to him anymore :/

He just can’t rationalize why else he would do that.

Joke Summary

Every chapter, while it is still merely a draft on AO3, I write a joke summary that I later remove before posting; this was Chapter 3′s.

First Draft

As was the case with the previous two chapters I’ve already talked about, while I do still have the original outline I’ve shown you above for Chapter 3, I unfortunately do not possess a copy of the original first draft anymore, as I did not start actively storing and chronicling first and secondary drafts until the seventh chapter or so.

In light of this, the best that I can do to make up for that fact is try to describe what the creative process was like during this point and what specifically was in it that was unique from the final cut.

I’m sure the first thing you will have noticed, just from looking at that initial outline, is that, much like with what happened for Chapter 1 and 2, what you now know as Chapter 3 and 4 were originally planned to be one chapter — at least until it became extremely evident that the scene with Chuuya and Mori’s arrival was going to need to be much longer than I had initially estimated, and I then decided that it would be far too extensive if I put both scenes together. One thing that you won’t see pop up for some time in the initial outlines, but which I think you will find quite interesting to hear, is that much of the dialogue and conflict you now see in Chapter 3 was actually originally planned for the scene that is currently in Chapter 5, instead; it was only as I started progressing through this first draft and began writing the dialogue that I decided to take much of what happened in that future outline and transplant it into this part of the story, as I began to feel that there needed to be more emphasis on and exploration of Chuuya and Paul’s feelings immediately upon his arrival, rather than primarily cropping up in the waiting room scene with little to no foreshadowing, and an unrealistically quick resolution. To me, having that strong tension and intrigue of Paul’s heart mysteriously being torn in two ways, for the first time since wrongly feeling he had to choose between his old partner and Chuuya in that government facility, was an incredibly important aspect of the story that needed expressing and addressing in a way that was more intense, consistent, and realistic than what placing it in the eventual Chapter 5 could provide — and thus, Chapter 3 as you know it was born.

The decision to include Elise in this chapter was also quite unplanned for, and strictly a result of the decision to incorporate that previously mentioned topics into the scene; after all, in the moment that I decided that, due to their arguing, neither Chuuya nor Paul would be assisting in helping their Boss to load the patient onto a stretcher and into the back of the van, I knew that I would have to a) make him be attempting it alone, b) yell at them and force them to help, or c) use the manifestation of his ability to make up for a lack of other personnel — and given that I wanted Mori to be neutral to their argument and if anything amused by it, rather than angry, and it would be absurd for him not to choose to use Elise as his helper if he didn’t intend to force them, she ended up being the convenient afterthought that worked out as an ideal solution to my dilemma.

Second Draft

I do not really recall much about what the Second Draft looked like compared to the first or final, or if there were any major changes made therein, but typically speaking, there usually isn’t too much of a change between the second and third drafts — mostly just proofreading and fixing typos — unless a certain line or set of lines needs major alteration for some reason, so hopefully we aren’t missing out on a lot here.

I don’t currently remember anything of particular significance, at least.

Final Draft

As stated before, the only change made after the second draft was fixing typos and proofreading; the decision to separate what would later become Chapter 4 from Chapter 3 had already been made during the first draft, long before the second scene was ever even reached, so there was no physical act of parting the two necessary here.

Deleted Scenes & Lines

I wouldn’t exactly call this one entirely a deleted scene, but there was a fairly different alternate take of an existing one, which held quite a bit of interesting information on the thoughts of Chuuya and Paul that were ultimately removed from the completed version (note that the bolded text is all unique to this scrapped iteration):

...Wait… Shit! Did I really just say all that?!

As soon as the heat of the moment had passed, Chuuya swiftly came back to his senses and instantly regretted the things he had said, but it was already too late; no matter how much regret he may have felt over his actions now, the damage had long since been done.

He had said the one thing he should never say — the cruelest comment he could’ve made.

Paul had taken it gracefully, doing his best to pretend it didn’t faze him by turning away and trying in vain to mask his pained expression as frustration or anger, but it was clear that the words had hurt him very deeply inside.

Chuuya wasn’t wrong; the old him definitely would have just left the man to die at the first sign of inconvenience, if he’d have even tried to save him at all, but he wasn’t that person anymore. Even if he did have a moment of selfishness that decided the course of action he absolutely wouldn’t take, he still wasn’t willing to give up until he found an alternative way to save him!

After nearly a decade of relentless, still on-going self-punishment and self-hatred, caught every day between wishing he could die and knowing that if he did, he would be throwing away the precious gift of life Arthur sacrificed everything to give him and running from a guilt he didn’t deserve to escape, Chuuya still somehow didn’t believe that he was sincere enough in his guilt or his efforts to change.

He understood that some of his tactics were careless and unfair, but it was all done to save a life…! As Chuuya said himself, he could once have easily just let the man die at the first sign that rescuing him would be an inconvenience, but he instead chose to do something anyway! Didn’t that count for anything?

I actually find it quite surprising that so much of an exchange managed to survive in its complete form from an earlier draft, if I’m honest; it’s really interesting, too, to see how different it ended up from its later successor. If I had to guess, I would say this is most probably remnants of a last-minute change in the second draft, since — assuming the first draft followed the rules of the current creative process for the fic — this version seems far too detailed and completely coherent to be a part of the first draft; I could be wrong, however.

Whatever the case, I think there’s actually quite a bit to examine, discuss, and learn from this take, so let’s break the more important parts down a little. One thing I think shines through much more explicitly in this draft is how much I wanted it to be clear that Chuuya was extremely self-aware of his mistake once the moment had passed — that he knew how utterly horrible, how low and unfair of a blow what he said really was to throw at someone who had actually chosen to do something kind for once in his life.

He had said the one thing he should never say — the cruelest comment he could’ve made.

Chuuya knew that Paul’s one and only major weakness, even after all of these years, was his old partner — he knew how much it tore him up inside that he had ever hurt him, and how badly he wished every day of his life that he could take it back, yet he still went ahead and used that against him in that instant, disregarding how deeply those words would cut into him; there was absolutely nothing worse he could’ve possibly said to him.

No, he wasn’t exactly thinking straight when he said it, and yes, he really did feel kind of betrayed, and was just blindly letting loose things he’d probably kept bottled up inside from the past, but even so, the result was still the same, and now there was nothing he could possibly do about it to fully take back the pain he inflicted; that’s why he had this chilling moment of, “Oh fuck, what did I just do?”

I think that all of that emotion still comes through really well in the final draft, but it’s definitely a lot more ominous and more thoroughly expressed in this previous version, rather than just being heavily implied, and I think that’s pretty cool, even if this draft is way less polished.

Something you might quickly have picked up on in this iteration is how it clearly states that, rather than trying to remain looking neutral or unaffected, Paul specifically attempted to appear angry or frustrated in response to Chuuya’s comment; this is a theme that you may see repeat itself at some points in the future, as Paul has a tendency to try to make it easier on Chuuya to do whatever needs doing or saying — for the sake of the redhead’s own mental health — by acting as unsympathetic as possible.

This is because, as much as he may hurt and want to be close to his brother, he actually does not want his sympathy; he feels he deserves to be hated — deserves to receive whatever anger Chuuya still holds towards him, after all he has done. Therefore, he will attempt to give him a reason to feel justified in those actions, so he won’t have to feel any guilt.

As you can also see, Paul was also quite honest with himself in this version about the fact that Chuuya actually made a very accurate assessment about him, and sadly was quite correct in it, too — at least, if he had been referring to the old version of himself with which the redhead had been most familiar; prior to this, he really was quite self-serving, so he really couldn’t blame his brother for seeing it that way, even if it frustrated him to not be believed.

Even though I went with a very different route for what would be the final draft’s equivalent of these lines ultimately, I still feel that this is perhaps the most raw and intense version of them all, and I’m a little bit sad in some ways that it didn’t fit into the final cut.

A lot of information was supplied here about Paul’s mental and emotional state, his heavy beratement of himself, and his outlook on life that was simply lost in the last re-write of the chapter; we are told of how he despised himself for all of the pain he caused, the way he constantly refuses to let himself forget his actions and treats himself harshly in accordance of that, and most of all, how his biggest reason for remaining alive even now was purely due to the fact that if he didn’t, he felt it would be to further insult and injure the feelings of the man whom he had so gravely hurt in the past, and a way out of his suffering that he simply didn’t deserve. This set of lines paints the picture of a Paul who is, at heart, almost suicidal, having nearly completely lost any hope that might have still flickered somewhere in his heart after these long years of grief and nearly complete self-isolation.

In a way, the above was originally meant to be foreshadowing for a topic and event that may or may not make its way into the finished version of Cherish; if it does, however, it is quite likely that these lines will — at least in some shape or form — ultimately resurface, and you will almost definitely know when it happens.

One further thing unique to this iteration of the sentence(s), I feel, is the extreme sense of grief, rather than just frustration, given off by the last part of the line; to me, it truly lends a special sense of how emotionally exasperated and distraught Verlaine felt at knowing that all his sibling could seem to see was the version of him that the blond himself despised.

As for the last lines, there isn’t much to add here, given that much of this survived as lines of dialogue for Paul’s direct thoughts in the final draft, and I don’t have much recollection of the rest of the changes and cuts involved, but I’m sure you can at least see why the highlighted part ultimately led to the decision to sadly cut line 5 (due to the redundancy created by said line).

He wanted to comfort him — to chase after him or reach out and stop him, and tell him that yes, he’d come with him and yes, they’d talk about it all right away; they’d worked through this. He wanted to say he deserved it all anyway, that maybe Chuuya was in the right for saying it, and he shouldn’t feel bad […]

The only other deleted line I could find that I thought was particularly interesting was this one — which does have an equivalent in the final draft, as well, but a much shorter and more concise one.

In this iteration, however, we get to see a bit more of the actual things he desperately wanted to do and say to make Chuuya feel better in the moment that they parted, as well as more of that self-ridicule over his past that has been cut from the earlier dialogue.

I do think that the finished version of the paragraph — smaller though it may have been — still conveyed the overall message just as well as this one, but it is interesting to be able to see his thought process in full, so I wanted to share it anyway.

Art

As of yet, there is no artwork for this chapter, but I think that my plan for this one would probably be something along the lines of that moment when Chuuya and Paul are walking off in opposite directions towards the ambulance to get inside, perhaps with Mori and Elise in the background.

Title & Aesthetics

Okay, I’m not going to lie, this just may be one of my absolute favorite chapters in terms of how both the lyrics and the title fit the plot in such a deep, multi-faceted way.

Obviously, we’ll talk about the lyrics in the next section, but in regards to the title itself, it not only perfectly sums up how the entire chapter revolves around the choices Paul had to make to try to save Poet!Arthur’s life, but also the nature of the whole argument Chuuya ends up having with his brother — which, quite literally, was about the ‘correct’ way to save a life. Furthermore, it also reflects the pain and resentment over his sibling’s past actions that Nakahara let get the better of him at some point during their debate, and the guilt and regret Verlaine felt at being the ultimate cause of the deaths of so many deaths back then — including his old partner’s, all because he wasn’t able to recognize what was right in front of him all along while he still had it.

The overall aesthetic of the tune, as well, fits the chapter quite well, still maintaining a heavy melancholy, while also sounding quite desperate, remorseful, intense, and even slightly frustrated at several points — all emotions that I wanted my readers to be able to feel as if they were their own while reading through the two brothers’ arguments and plights.

How to Save a Life Story Connections: A Lyrical Analysis

As I said in the section above, How to Save a Life might just be one of my most favorite titles and songs to be tied to a chapter in Cherish, so I’m really, really excited to get to break down the lyrics and tell you in-depth all about the ways that it fits the plot, lyric by lyric.

I think one thing that’s quite important to define right away is that, much like with the title, the lyrics also have multiple applications to the plot, rather than just one — those applications being not just Chuuya and Paul’s individual perspectives during the fight, but also BSD!Arthur’s and Paul’s back during the mission to retrieve Arahabaki — which Chuuya reminds him of during their argument in the present, and he begins to guiltily recall.

There is also actually a third perspective involved, but…well, we’ll come back to that in a future chapter; for now, just try to bear that comment in mind.

Step one, you say we need to talk He walks, you say sit down, it's just a talk He smiles politely back at you You stare politely right on through

In the present, this lines refer mostly to Chuuya’s perspective, reflecting how, upon arriving and realizing he’d been misled, he immediately decided to confront his brother about the situation; although the chapter opens with him yelling at Paul, the beginning of the conversation was actually quite polite, as Chuuya was merely confused about the situation, and it took time for it to fully dawn on him that his sibling had, in a sense, manipulated him.

Paul is obviously nervous about the situation, knowing that what he had done wasn’t exactly fair and not really wanting to go into it at first due to that, but Chuuya insists that he stays and talks about it with him anyway, so Verlaine obliges, wanting to clear up the mess and at least explain his reasoning behind his actions.

In the memories of the past, these lines would mostly represent Paul’s perspective, as they arrive at the facility and rescue Chuuya, and he then attempts to get BSD!Arthur to slow down as he begins to leave, asking his partner to listen to his proposal. Arthur, of course, is gracious about it as always, caring to hear what he has to say. Some sort of window to your right As he goes left, and you stay right Between the lines of fear and blame You begin to wonder why you came

Now beginning to understand the situation a little better as the two siblings stand by the ambulance in the present, Chuuya goes from being concerned for his brother’s safety to resenting and feeling betrayed by what he has done, fearing that maybe he hasn’t changed for the better at all.

He watches as Paul turns his attention away from him, looking towards the teen he rescued, and in a moment of anger, begins to regret answering his call.

In the past, after BSD!Arthur seems hesitant to accept his proposal to simply run away with him and raise Chuuya together in the countryside rather than take him to the government and let him know of his ‘real’ origins, Paul, standing by the shattered glass tank his brother was being kept in, feeling fear that his partner won’t listen to reason and despising the government he works for as much as the one they just worked together against, begins to question what he should do from here — what truly matters to him most of all in this mission.

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness

In the present, these lines reflect Chuuya and Paul both — with Paul feeling like his actions may have cost him what little of a relationship he had managed to build with his brother over the years, and Chuuya wondering if in some way he had contributed to his brother’s slow descent back into the darkness of his old ways, by stealing away the one person he needed most.

Furthermore, as Verlaine reflects on the past, he reflects on how he mistakenly began to feel betrayed by BSD!Arthur just through that small bit of hesitance, and how that one wrong train of thought would ultimately lead to the death of the only human being whom ever meant anything to him.

And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life

Chuuya feels that Paul’s manipulation was unnecessary, as if he had only known the truth of the situation, he still would have gladly stayed on the phone and helped his brother in saving the teen, regardless of what — or how long — it had taken to do so.

Likewise, Paul reflects on the past and laments to himself that if only he had been wise enough to see how much his partner adored him and recognized that somewhere deep down, he cared for him in return, he would have gladly spent as long as it took talking with him as they left the facility, until he had successfully persuaded him to join him.

Let him know that you know best 'Cause after all, you do know best Try to slip past his defense Without granting innocence

In the present time, Chuuya remains hard-headed his feelings, far too focused on the fact that the way he saved the young man was ‘wrong’, to see the good deed he had done, itself, or how miraculous and how much of an improvement it was for him to have even committed to it at all. Instead of granting that perhaps the blond had never truly meant to cause harm to him and was just desperate to save someone, the ginger instead takes the least generous interpretation of the matter, and in his anger, cuts him down using his one extreme vulnerability — bringing up what he had done to BSD!Rimbaud in the past, and claiming he clearly had no remorse for it and hadn’t changed at all since then.

Meanwhile, in the past, Paul is unrelenting with his argument, insisting that he is right about the kind of life that Chuuya would have if raised in the same way that Verlaine himself had been taught when he joined the French government, entirely aware of what what he was, calling his partner unimaginative and ununderstanding and trying to take control of him and the situation by breaking down his defenses with emotional manipulation and unnecessary harshness.

Lay down a list of what is wrong The things you've told him all along

In both past and present, these lines relate to both parties in different ways:

In the current time, Chuuya continues his lecture on the things Paul has done wrong in trying to save the drowning victim, and how he thought he had already learned that from the countless instances in the past when he had used somewhat similar tactics to achieve his goals, while Paul apologizes and tries desperately to correct him on misunderstandings and show him that he is sincere in the motives he had told him from the very start.

And similarly, in the past, BSD!Arthur tries to comfort his agitated and upset partner by telling him that he is as human as anyone else, as he has always done, and that they will work things out together later — only to be met with resistance from Paul, who becomes further angered by these words, telling him he is wrong on all accounts and he’s tired of hearing it. And pray to God he hears you And pray to God he hears you

In both cases, both parties are desperate to be heard, understood, and believed by the other, believing that the situation is extremely serious and there is no other alternative in order for things to turn out alright.

And where did I go wrong? I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life

In addition to all of the above things from the last time these lyrics went by, we also now have two new ones, as BSD!Rimbaud in the past begins to feel guilty over what he had done to Paul by letting him be taken in by their government. If he’d only known what he knew now, he would have stayed up all night after rescuing him and found a way during that time to save him from them and keep him safe.

And in the present, Paul feels regret over what he had done, thinking that if he had only had the sense to place his faith in Chuuya, been honest, and stayed on the phone with him, he could have done things a better way that wouldn’t result in all of this suffering.

As he begins to raise his voice You lower yours and grant him one last choice Drive until you lose the road Or break with the ones you've followed

As Mori calls out to them in the present, Chuuya and Paul are forced to stop in the midst of their intentions to make amends with each other in order to join their Boss in leaving with the ambulance to go to the clinic. Chuuya offers him a choice to come join him in the front of the van, and this is where Paul is faced with his moral dilemma: to take his offer and be there for him, or prioritize the survival of the person he saved and deal with the rest later — or, in other words, to continue obsessing over his brother even when it isn’t the right thing to do and potentially cost another their life in the process, or show that he has changed by sticking to his convictions and doing a greater good, even if it means temporarily upsetting the smaller executive.

In the past, as Paul’s emotions becomes more intense, BSD!Arthur offers to talk about things with him and try to find a solution for Chuuya later in accordance with his feelings; however, rather than seeing this as an opportunity to persuade him to his side once they are safely out of the facility, as he doubtlessly could, he instead views it as a breaking point in their relationship and an ultimatum: Paul can either stay in the job with his partner and be the cause of his brother’s suffering in that way, or he can break out of it and escape, with or without him.

As a result, he pulls his gun on Arthur.

He will do one of two things He will admit to everything Or he'll say he's just not the same And you'll begin to wonder why you came

At present time, instead of admitting he didn’t really care much about the fate of the man he saved or deciding he would rather be with his brother in that moment, Paul stands by his convictions and decides to go with Mori into the back of the ambulance, and Chuuya further begins to question and kick himself over ever coming over to him to argue about it and spew such harsh things at him in the first place, feeling not only that he might have been wrong, but most of all that he had destroyed their relationship beyond repair. Despite BSD!Arthur’s hopes that Paul would admit that he doesn’t want to hurt him and to try to work things out with him, Paul instead chooses to insist that he isn’t the same as his partner — he isn’t human, and attacks him, leaving BSD!Rimbaud to feel betrayed in the aftermath and doubt what all of the time he spent carefully tending to and loving Verlaine was really for — if he ever really cared to begin with, and if this had been his plan from the very start.

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life

In addition to all the matters and applications mentioned before, Chuuya, in the present, now begins to feel that he fucked up with his words, chastising and alienating his brother over something that ultimately was insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

And in the past, as BSD!Arthur feels all of this betrayal and regret as his partner tries to kill him, questioning what he did to deserve it, he laments in his heart that if only he had known the situation, he would have gladly run away with him into the night and given everything up for him rather than asking to talk things out with him later.

And I guess that’s pretty much it for this one! You can listen to the song itself (and the others in this fic’s playlist) here!

Favorite Lines

Y’all don’t understand how much I adore this whole chapter with every inch of my heart; it’s physically impossible for me to pick a line I particularly love above the rest in this case. 🥺💖 I’m sorry.

Other Trivia

Back when Chapters 3 and 4 were one thing, the original title and song namesake would have been The Night We Met; How to Save a Life was not even a song under consideration until after the decision to split the chapters, when the need to give 3 a title arose — which is part of what makes the fact it fits so perfectly so very cool. I’m extremely glad it turned out this way.

“...Yes, I know. It was selfish, Chuuya; I’m not denying that. He needed my help, and I hesitated because I was worried about myself; there’s no getting around how terrible that was of me. Still, I —”

“Still, I wasn’t going to just leave him for dead, no matter what the situation was for me; that’s why I called you.” is probably how this sentence would have read, had it not been cut off.

“...Paul, look, I —”

“I..I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of that shit I said before; I was just…pissed, ‘cause you got me all worried about ya.”

…Or something like that, at least; it would probably have played out quite similar to how it did in the clinic waiting room in Chapter 5, really, had the conversation been allowed to happen here.

“H-hey, we can always talk about it in the car, yeah…?” There was a melancholic wistfulness in the younger man’s question, as he desperately tried to salvage the situation. “There...there should be enough time, on the way back to Headquarters, if ya wanted to—”

“[…] if ya wanted to try to sort things out.” is roughly what would have been said, probably.

—

And yep, I think that’ll be about it for now! I hope you enjoyed, and I’ll see you on the next set of Chapter development notes!

[Read the fic here!]

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