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harrysgoldenline · 3 years

Note

can you pls write an angst where y/n went to her and harry's house that they bought or something like that in Italy to try to move on and go on with her life after harry broke up with her but then she never expected that harry will be there as well with his new gf.... you can end it whatever you like!! thank you

Word Count: 1.6K

Warnings: idk, sad I guess? also not proof read oops sorry lol

When In Italy

It has been three months since you’ve last seen or spoken to Harry. A very abrupt change after being together for four years, with constant talk of marriage and starting a family, the break up was something either of you really expected. It started as a break of sorts, eventually turning into a complete break up after only a couple weeks in a somewhat mutual way. With Harry's career taking off in so many different ways, with acting, the new tour and more, his life had changed completely and has left him very little time for anything else.

It went from daily phone and FaceTime calls, constant text messages and flowers being delivered to nothing.

“You really think that’s a good idea?” Your best friend asked you, concern plastered all over her face, “that won’t bring up too much?”

She had been sitting with you as you finished packing up your suitcase, trying her best to give you her support as you were going to be going on a spur of the moment trip to Italy and staying at the home of you and Harry, needing the much needed getaway and disconnecting completely. Seeing different things online about him all the time didn’t make it any easier and no matter how hard you tried to avoid it, he always found his way to pop up.

“I just need a break, everything here is a reminder to.” You sigh, “I just want a change of scenery. I think it’ll be good for me.”

“I hope so…” she frowned, looking up at you with a sad smile, “please don’t just sit there in the house all alone. Go out, meet some local Italian men!”

“I’m definitely not ready for that.” You say, forcing a laugh as you close your suitcase, zipping it up and placing it on the floor by your door, “but I will really try, I promise. I will call you if I need you and you can come out?”

“Hell yeah I can.” She laughs, standing up and giving you a hug, “and you’re really going right now?”

You bite your bottom lip as your eyes fill up with tears, nodding quickly as you look at her and she quickly pulled you in a tight hug.

“You can do this.”

***

You pulled your suitcase through the front door, waving goodbye to the driver as you turned around to close the door behind you as they left you alone in the house that has so many memories inside. You pause at the door, taking a couple deep breaths as you look around and try and keep your mind at bay before walking to the guest bedroom, deciding the main bedroom was too much and the guest bedroom was already way nicer than your apartment.

After taking the time to unpack, knowing you would stay awhile, you put away your things into the various drawers and closet in the room. You keep out a swimsuit and change into it quickly, sliding a simple dress overtop before walking out onto the balcony attached to the bedroom, taking in the smell of the ocean and beautiful view, memories overwhelming your senses.

“Well don’t you look absolutely stunning.” You can practically hear him say all over again, reliving the memory as if it was actually happening, “ ‘m the luckiest man in the world.”

You remember him coming up behind you, arms tight around your waist as his head rested on your shoulder, soft kisses being pressed along your shoulder as you leaned back into him, a large smile covering both of your faces before you leaned your head back, connecting your lips before he pulled back.

“I can’t decide…” He had whispered, connecting your lips again.

“Decide what?” You had giggled, turning around to face him, arms resting around his shoulders as his came around your waist.

“If I want to get married here or have our honeymoon here.”

You shuddered slightly as the memory came back, letting out a deep breath before packing a beach bag quickly and leaving the house just as fast, taking a walk down to the private beach and settling yourself in a lounge chair. Applying your sunscreen you could almost convince yourself it was him applying it on you like he always would do, large hands massaging it into your skin.

You push the thought away as you grab your phone, playing music softly to try and distract your mind. Your fingers hovered over your different social media apps, wanting desperately to just give it a quick click, wondering if you could get any update on where he could be from his fans, posts always finding their way on your feed. Instead, you hold it down, deleting all of the various apps and throwing your phone down on your bag, grabbing your book and letting the music play, opening to the first page to try and escape into the new world.

***

After a few hours been spent peacefully on the beach, you decided to head back to the house to take a nice bubblebath and order yourself some dinner, deciding that you would go to town the next morning in order to cook some of your own meals. The walk back to the house was more enjoyable this time and you began to feel a sense of hope as you approached the house, your heart not clenching in as much pain as it originally had done when you first pulled up to the house earlier that day.

Using your keys, you unlocked the back door, locking it behind you again as soon as you got inside, making your way to the bathroom right away and letting the water fill up the bathtub, pouring in some of the fancy bubblebath that you remember buying once from your favorite boutique in town, making a mental note to stop there again tomorrow.

Discarding your clothes, you hung them up, deciding you could use it once more as a cover up after not even going into the water, and you honestly didn’t even have the energy to even think about doing laundry right now, even simply showering was too much most days so you were happy to submerge yourself simply into the warm water, eyes fluttering closed as it embraced you with it’s comfort.

You began preparing yourself a mental list of things you could do tomorrow, forcing yourself to get out of the house and keep yourself occupied after locking yourself away in your apartment the past few months, planning on taking baby steps but knowing that even starting will be more like a push off a cliff.

Pulling yourself out of the bath once finishing cleansing your body, deciding to save washing your hair for the next day, you pulled yourself out of the bath, honestly just wanting to curl up into bed and go to sleep but knowing you needed to force yourself to eat something. So, you dry off, applying some matching lotion to your body, which made you feel a sense of pride of yourself as you made small steps to take care of yourself again, thanking the air of Italy as self motivation and threw on the robe that you swear was the softest one in the world.

A sudden sound coming from the house made you jump, a hand coming over your chest to try and calm your racing heart as your mind tried to think of all of the possibilities of who could be there, or maybe it was coming outside? Or honestly at this point you thought it could be your imagination as the memories that have been flashing into your mind have been so vivid it felt like it was actually happening. Your feet softly padded on the wood flooring, making your way to what you thought was the site of the sound, feeling bile rise in your throat at the sight before you.

It was Harry there, with one of the most beautiful women you had ever seen in your life, laughing together.

You weren’t sure if they saw you, both of their hair wet as towels wrapped around them and it seemed like they had just got back from the beach, making you think that you must have just missed each other as you swapped positions. You slowly walk backwards, thinking of running out the back towards the beach and calling a car, leaving all of your clothes there.

You could see slightly into the master bedroom, seeing their suitcases sprawled and things laid on the couch as they chatted together, knowing they must have arrived when you were down at the beach, your presence unknown as all of your things sat seemingly hidden in the guest room which you were now desperately trying to go and hide in, but after it being too log since you been here, you accidentally ran into the wall, a photo that was hanging there crashing to the floor, glass shattering.

Two heads quickly snapped their way towards you, both pairs of eyes meeting yours as gasps left both of their lips, Harry’s face going pale as he saw you. You opened your mouth to speak, but with this being your first time seeing your partner since the breakup, no words were able to come out.

Spinning on your heel your ran back into the guest bedroom, pulling the suitcase out of the closet and messily shoving all of your clothes into it, tears stinging your eyes and unable to hold them in as they silently spilling on you cheeks, more coming as you heard the familiar steps coming your way, feeling the presence behind you and hearing the door shut softly behind you.

“Y/N?”

—————————————————————————

Part 2 anyone???

ALSO PLEASE READ THIS!!

I was wondering what people would think about me doing personalized little blurbs/imagines for people who donate to my tip jar? you could give me your name, prompt, pronouns, etc and i will write it just for you!! :) i’m trying to write more and it’s hard bc i’m a broke college student who needs to work but if people who WANT a personalized little fic with bucky or harry or something with their own name and such maybe I could do something like that? of course I will still be doing all normal requests and such but this way it’s kinda like a one time patreon for people who want to do something like that? idk please comment/send me a message/ask and let me know what you think!!!! let’s talk!

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bunnykawa · 4 years

Text

what are you doing, step bro? (sakusa x f. reader)

summary: To your parents, Sakusa was the greatest son. To you, he was the best big brother you could’ve ever asked for, but you could only find that out with a little force.

a/n: i literally just started college so i won't have much time to write but i have some stories in my drafts that'll be posted in awhile lol. should i open requests for haikyuu drabbles since they're short but still entertaining?? idek i feel like no one is reading this rn LOL but if anyone is reading this, lmk ;)

(edit: I HAD TO REPOST THIS CS IT WASNT SHOWING UP IN TAGS so sorry if you already liked this post)

warnings: 18+, incest, mentions of drugging, mentions of somnophilia, mentions of parental neglect, noncon/dubcon/rape, sakusa is a dirty pervert i just don’t know how else to tag this, degradation, slight manipulation

"(Y/N), this is your new big brother, Kiyoomi," your mother said, holding tightly onto your small shoulders as you stood in front of her.

"You can refer to him as your nii-san from now on." Locking eyes with you was an older boy with long black wavy hair, two moles on the right side of his forehead, and a white face mask on the lower half of his face which blocked his nose and mouth. How odd, you thought. You could tell he was disinterested with how his eyes were blank as he stared at you.

That was the first time meeting your step brother, Sakusa Kiyoomi.

Being four years younger than Sakusa, you two never really got along. Of course you had to respect each other, but there was nothing to really talk about other than when his volleyball games were or unfulfilling small talks. Sometimes he would make snide remarks, asking if you even showered when your hair was only slightly messy or if a smart word ever came out of your mouth when you stumbled over your words. Sometimes he was just mean to you in general to the point where you would cry. You always tried to ignore it, though. That was when you were younger. You couldn’t help that you weren’t that smart and he was your nii-san after all. Your parents would brush it off.

You celebrated his victories together, only because you had to. I mean, you were the younger sister of one of the nation's top three aces in high school volleyball. There was no way your parents wouldn't celebrate. He was their pride and joy.

Smart, athletic, incredibly attractive — everything you felt like you could never live up to.

Your own biological mom so obviously and painfully liked him more than you.

Before you even entered high school, Sakusa was old enough to move out and go to college where he continued to play volleyball. When he visited during the holidays, you still wouldn't have decent conversations with him. He would still insult you. It even made you cringe when you had to call him nii-san. Why address him as your older brother when he didn't even act like it?

But you dealt with it because you had to.

Fresh out of Itachiyama Academy, you're focused on studying for entrance exams for colleges in your area rather than what would happen if you ever had to see Sakusa again. But, you were expecting to see him very soon.

Gentle knocks are heard from outside your door and before you can respond, your mom is already opening it.

"(Y/N), Omi is coming today and he's gonna be here for a week. I have to go to the grocery store to buy food and I'm gonna run other errands so it's gonna take awhile," she says, leaning her head into your room. You respond multiple times with "okay" so she can leave your room sooner.

Textbooks and notebooks are strewn across your bed with you on your stomach, trying to cram as much information in your head as possible.

"That means I might not be here in time for when he comes, so you have to open the door and greet him," she adds.

"What about dad?" you ask with a grimace. The most you would do is say hello and scurry back into your room.

She rolls her eyes at you. "He's working late again. You know that, (Y/N)." With a sigh, you agree and she finally leaves your room after bidding you a "goodbye."

You can't remember the last time you saw Sakusa, but it was probably almost half a year ago. Ever since he left for college, your parents were even more distant towards you. They probably felt like they didn't need to worry about you because you weren't doing anything important.

When Sakusa came over, he barely acknowledged you and you were okay with that because it meant he wouldn't be bothering you.

But that didn't mean his blank stare wouldn't catch your attention whenever you came out of your room to eat or use the restroom. The atmosphere felt...very odd around him. You couldn't necessarily come up with a reason why.

Suddenly, you hear knocking on the front door. It had to be at least an hour or two since your mom left and the thought of who was waiting at the door made your stomach churn.

"Nii-san is here," you mutter to yourself as you got up to open the door. Right as you open the door, Sakusa was staring down at you with the same blankness in his eyes from before with his usual face mask. His hair was shorter than you remember.

Mindlessly, his eyes seem to scan your body before returning to your face, making you feel self-conscious. You were only wearing black spandex shorts and a loose tank top. Subconsciously, you rub your arm and step back to make space.

"(Y/N)," Sakusa acknowledges you in a deadpan voice. It's no surprise to you.

"Hi, onii-san. How are you?" You try so hard to be polite, but Sakusa seemed to have a naturally dominant energy that overwhelmed your senses, even if he also seemed to have the personality of a jar of mayonnaise. You step aside so he can come in. He wore gray sweatpants and a black windbreaker that was zipped up all the way. As soon as he makes it inside, he removes his face mask, stuffs it in his pocket, and starts unzipping his jacket.

"I'm good," he hums, "Where's mom?" He places the backpack he was carrying on the couch and takes a seat as you close the door.

"She's out doing errands and dad is working. Do you want some tea?"

"Yes, please. Make sure you wash your hands before you do. Thank you," he said. You walk into the kitchen, muttering "germaphobe" under your breath at his extra request. Unbeknownst to you, he watched you from his place on the couch as you walked around the kitchen, pulling the tea kettle out of one of the bottom cabinets and looking for cups. His gaze followed the outline of your ass in those tiny shorts that hugged your bottom tightly.

"What college are you planning on going to, (Y/N)?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm applying to the college you're going to and three others," you replied from your spot near the counter.

Sakusa actually perks up at your answer. "Oh, cool. You'll love it there if you get in. Only if, though. You're not the brightest."

You couldn't help but let your face fall in a frown at his seemingly small comment. Quickly, you compose yourself and brush off his remark. You got the water boiling in the tea kettle and reached high for the teacups that were sitting on the top cabinets. Your stepdad definitely put them up there.

A presence looms close behind you, which makes your whole body automatically freeze and tense up. A veiny, bulky arm reaches up easily to grab the teacups while another one snakes around you to pull your tank top down as it was exposing your stomach. You're not sure if you're imagining it, but you definitely feel something stiff brushing up against your back.

"You need to be careful. Don't wanna hurt yourself, do you?" Sakusa commented, leaning forward so his mouth was right next to your ear. A blush found its way onto your cheeks from feeling him so close to you.

He usually hated being so close to people. What was so different today?

"R-right," you stuttered, "Thank you, nii-san."

Confrontation wasn't a strong trait of yours.

You guess that moment was when it started getting really weird between you two. You still had small talks from whenever he would actually see you come out of your room, but you wanted to avoid him as much as you could. However, that was hard when Sakusa insisted that you drank tea together every night and, of course, your parents insisted, too.

Your nii-san wants to spend more time with you, they would say excitedly. Better late than never!

Maybe if he was showing the slightest bit of interest in you, your parents would finally care about you. So, with much hesitation, you started drinking tea with your step brother every night. Sakusa even made the tea himself so his poor little sister wouldn't tire herself out with carrying that heavy teapot.

You're still not sure if you're imagining things, but the tea tasted different from how you made it. And you swear that the tea didn't make you so sleepy after drinking it until he started making it.

"Come here," Sakusa would say with a smirk, "Onii-san will take you to bed."

You would pass out before you even made it to bed, but every morning you woke up with sticky thighs, only blaming it on sweating while you were sleeping.

Until one day, you didn't drink all the tea that he made you. You still fell asleep, though. Your brain was hazy enough to make you lose consciousness as he helped you up from your seat in the kitchen.

Sakusa laid next to you on your bed. You were placed on your side so he could slide under the sheets right behind you to press his hardened length against your ass. This was his favorite part of the night. He spent a few minutes playing with your cunt to make it slick enough for him to let his cock break through your walls.

You barely stirred awake. Didn't even move an inch as he caressed every part of your body, from your soft nipples to the sensitive nub between your thighs.

He pushed the elastic of his sweatpants down to his thighs quickly. His cock hit your ass before settling between your folds. A satisfied moan leaves his lips when he feels your wetness coating the top part of his shaft as he rubbed it against you. He hooked his arm around one of your legs so that you were spread open enough for him to fuck you and rub your clit at the same time with his other hand.

He wanted that sweet nectar completely coating his dick. He remembers the way you tasted and how you came on his tongue the night before, despite being blacked out from the little pills he would dissolve in your drinks. You tasted so clean and smelled so fresh. It was impossible for your nii-san to control himself around you.

And when did your ass look so good? God...Sakusa couldn't believe he never noticed how cute and well-shaped you were. You weren't that little girl he met when you were both kids. You were pushing adulthood now. Still pathetic looking, still too shy, still small around him, but fuck, he definitely would have pushed you over the counter the first day he came over and fucked you until you were crying and gagging.

He continued rubbing circles onto your clit and letting his cock soak up your juices. Gently, he positions the tip at your entrances and pushes in slowly.

"There you go," he whispers in your ear, "I know it's a little big. Don't worry."

He manages to fill you up all the way, making him groan. Your walls were tight around him. He thrusts in and out of you carefully, salvaging the feeling of your slick interior.

But you didn't drink all the tea, which means that you could wake up earlier than he expected.

Sakusa didn't expect you to wake up now.

You stirred slightly as you regained consciousness. Although your eyelids were heavy, you tried to force them open only to be met with darkness.

"Mmm," you croaked, rubbing your eyes. The odd feeling of being filled up suddenly made you wake up more. "W-what's going on?"

"Fuck," Sakusa muttered from behind you. You felt a hard chest pressed against your back and...a hand on your pussy. No, something inside your pussy. And that voice was so familiar.

You quickly whip your head around when the realization dawns on you. What the fuck is happening? While your eyes adjust to the dark room, you see two familiar eyes staring straight back at you. He stopped grinding his hips against you for a moment as if time stopped.

"...Nii-san?" you hesitated. His breathing was heavy and he stayed silent.

"Nii-san, what are you doing?" you asked in a panicked voice. You quickly tried to get up from your position, only to be held down by Sakusa’s muscular arms. His hand wrapped itself over your lips to prevent you from screaming.

“Be a good girl and stay quiet, (Y/N),” he whispered. A muffled scream tries to escape your lips. He continued to fuck you slowly, leaving a burning feeling in your walls. The same sore feeling that you would sometimes wake up to within the past few days.

For a moment, you pry his fingers off of your mouth. "I don't understand...Why are you...?" You yelped in surprise, horror, and pleasure as he delivered a sharp thrust from behind you. The smack of his hips against your bare ass made you cringe and feel so disgusted with yourself. Nii-san is actually inside me.

"My poor little sister," he chucked darkly. He suddenly wraps his arm around your knee tighter and forces your legs wide open, your knee almost touching your chest. Instead of putting his hand over your mouth to shut you up, he kneads your breast. His hands were so large.

"You think you can walk around the house looking like a little slut in those tiny shorts?" He stretches you open with his hard cock with slow, yet hard, thrusts. It left your mouth agape, but no sounds left your throat except for small squeaks that you couldn't hold back. "You stupid bitch. Just as dumb as I could remember. Fuck, you don't know how much I wanted to bend you over and fill you up with my cum like the stupid, desperate slut you are."

He was satisfied as you were barely fighting him. All you did was desperately search for something to hold onto and bite your lip because you were so scared. His words were painful. "Look at you. A waste of fucking space, only good as a fuck hole. Didn't even realize she was getting drugged and getting fucked every night because she's so fucking stupid."

Weak. That was all your brain was telling you, mocking you, as Sakusa didn't stop moving against you and insulting you. This wasn't the first time. It just so happened that this time you were able to wake up.

"I-I..." you stuttered, "I'll...I'll tell mom and dad." The sheets were gripped tightly between your fingers. "I'll tell them- mmmm...what nii-san has been doing to me..."

"If you tell mom and dad, they wouldn't even care," Sakusa said in a patronizing tone. The way his hand was caressing you made you wanna cry.

“They would!”

"Mom and dad don't even treat you like a daughter, (Y/N). When was the last time they told you they loved you?" Even if his question was rhetorical, your mind went completely blank. You can't recall a moment where they ever told you they loved you.

"B-but, this isn't right! You're not supposed to be doing this," you argued. It was a surprise that your mind wasn't completely clouded by how big his cock was and how his thrusts felt almost hateful.

"You think they would choose your side? You'd be ruining your own life. Maybe you'd ruin mine. And it'd be. All. Your. Fault." With each syllable, his movements became sharper. "You don't wanna betray your nii-san by saying something, do you?"

"You love your nii-san, right?"

You do. You love him so much, even if you tried to avoid him and he never said a single good thing to you in your whole damn life.

Because you have to love him.

You stopped gripping on the sheets to the point where your knuckles were turning ghostly white to brush away the tears rolling down your cheeks. Your body shook, from both crying because of Sakusa's painful words and how hard he was fucking you. The pleasure building up in your core was overwhelming you, making that intense feeling of having to pee forced out of you.

Hearing your sniffles and small cries, Sakusa pulls you even tighter against him, but doesn't stop his relentless thrusting. It turned him on even more. He pushes your hand to brush away your tears for you, like good big brothers should.

"It's okay, (Y/N). We both know mom and dad don't love you."

A loud cry erupted from your chest. Maybe if your parents cared about you, they'd be running to your room to save you the second you started crying. But, no. Sakusa was basking in the fact that you were hurting on the inside. After years of negligent silence, you were finally letting it all out.

"But nii-san loves you," he said with a smile.

Although his words seemed to stun your entire being, you manage to choke out a "What?" Like it was the first time someone ever told you that they love you.

His torturous thrusts almost distracted you. Fuck, why did it feel so good to have your step brother fucking you on your side like this?

"I love you." He sweetly grabs your face so you can turn your head to look at him. There was a pounding in your ears coming straight from your chest. A warm feeling spreads throughout your stomach.

"You...you love me, nii-san?"

"Of course I do." He was actually smiling at you, "If I didn't, would I be inside you right now?"

His face didn't seem so blank anymore. Sakusa never ever smiled at you. Hell, he never really smiled in general. Someone actually loved you. Holy shit. And he was even pounding away at your insides like you were a fuck doll.

Is that why he's so mean? Was he just trying to hide his feelings for you this whole time? You could die laughing right now. His cock felt so damn good rearranging your guts against your will yet you were struggling to accept it.

Your cheeks naturally puffed up in happiness as you smiled so brightly at him. The flip switched in your brain so easily. Without another word, Sakusa kissed you passionately, because he knew you would let him continue to ravage your body. Your hips began to buck from the pressure building up in your lower half and you starting pushing your hips towards him, welcoming his length inside you. It felt like you needed more of him. More of his love.

Love me.

"Nii-san," you gasped against his lips. His movements never faltered, which you figured was from his amazing athletic ability and stamina.

"Be a good little sister and cum on my cock," he coaxed. He could tell you were so close to cumming from how tightly your precious cunt was hugging his length and how you were squirming against him. You were both slick with sweat. As you started squirming more violently against him, Sakusa tightened his grip on you.

“I’m gonna cum,” you whined desperately, “Nii-san, I’m gonna cum!” You grabbed his arms and pushed your fingernails into his skin, making him hiss from the sudden pain. With a firm grip over your mouth, he muffles your screams. Satisfaction settled in your stomach as you exploded all over his cock. Your sweet juices trailed down your thighs onto the bedsheets.

As much as Sakusa wanted to, he couldn’t fill up your insides and see your hole dripping with his cum just yet. He quickly pulls out of you and lets his seed shoot onto the bare skin of your ass. The shock of your orgasm left your thighs trembling, your skin wet, and your eyes drooping.

“You’re the best little sister.”

You would’ve replied, but you could barely form any words as you lost consciousness again. When you woke up the next morning, you were fully dressed and cleaned up, with no stickiness between your thighs like how you used to wake up.

Sakusa actually cleaned you up this time. You felt your heart melt and butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

Everything seemed to go back to normal between you two, with the same small talks and not really seeing each other often, but he always had a knowing smirk on his face whenever he saw you.

Whenever his eyes would trail up your body to meet yours, you could feel a warmth in your stomach spread all throughout your body which forced you to look away quickly. Whenever he insulted you, you would feel your thighs press together. Whenever you caught yourself admiring his features when he replaced his face mask for a new one, you smiled softly to yourself.

When it was time for him to leave, you couldn’t help but let a few tears shed. He was all set to go, with his backpack on and his mask covering his face.

“Hey, don’t cry, (Y/N),” he cooed, wiping your tears away, “You know I won’t be gone forever.”

You sniffled, “I know. I just hate being here alone.” Well, not necessarily alone. You just hated being ignored and neglected just because you weren’t your brother.

“If you manage to get into my college, you can move in with me. How does that sound?” You instantly perk up and dry your tears with your shirt.

"Really?!” you asked with excitement. You imagine all the things you could do with your nii-san without your parents in the picture. You could go out together, hold hands, share kisses, just about anything. He could even fuck you whenever he wants.

These thoughts about your own step brother would've made you feel sick before.

But that was before you knew Sakusa loved you. Now, you couldn't help but ask your mom when the next time your nii-san would be coming to visit. While you were waiting for his next visit, you studied hard.

College would be so much fun with your nii-san with you!

Part 2

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causticsunshine · 2 years

Text

2021 writing wrap up

tagged by @brightgolden, thank you babe!!

sorry this is a bit late, i only posted three fics this year despite working on a lot more so trying to come up with answers was a bit of a process, haha.

1. Number of stories posted on AO3: 3 2. Word count posted for the year: 89,545 3. Fandoms I wrote for: 1d 4. Pairings: harry styles/louis tomlinson 5. Story with the most: Kudos: Losing Focus Every Time You Speak Bookmarks: Losing Focus Every Time You Speak Comments: Losing Focus Every Time You Speak

6. Work I'm most proud of (and why):

probably 'you can lay your hands on me'! i don't typically sign up for fests + exchanges because i tend to have a hard time getting writing or art work done by a specific timestamp, and despite the last thirty six hours of working on it i was a sleep deprived mess i'm still really happy with what i turned out in the end and i'm still looking forward to adding on more to the story!

7. Work I'm least proud of (and why):

also 'you can lay your hands on me'—just because i had lot more i originally wanted to pack in by my post date that i ended up constantly writing and deleting, and in the end i just posted what i'd already finished writing and editing and really just stayed up nearly 36 hours for nothing in the end :)) but as i've said a few times already—since i've gotten the okay i'm definitely going to clean up all i had to scrap before too long and will tack quite a bit more onto the original fic!

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

tbh every comment or nice tag on a fic leaves me with my chest feeling all warm inside because i crave validation soooo badly so i think i'll share one that really stuck with me from each of the three i posted this year:

on 'losing focus every time you speak' a writer i really admire and constantly re-read said the fic was one of the loveliest pieces they'd read in awhile, and that they really loved my in-fic characterization and take on domesticity!

for 'swear i've known you since forever' one comment on how i captured 'wistful teenage romance' made me so happy because iiiii never really had a reciprocated teen romance—at least a healthy one—and as an adult i was a little worried i was going to rationalize their relationship because i had to dig into my younger self's experiences and kind of re-evaluate things to make sure i could capture that head-over-heels puppy love feeling without dipping into unrealistic or even unhealthy territory. also, @littleroverlouis' comment about this AU being the most canon they've ever read make me literally !! like i'm really proud of this AU and i have so much more to add onto it despite so much of it already being written and my goal outside of doing an o/o story was trying to give it a kind of alternate timeline/canon feel and to hear i accomplished as such to even just one person was so validating <3

and with 'you can lay your hands on me' @thestylinsons yelling at me via DMs and in my comments about passages they really liked and just generally hyping me up when i was feeling really shit about the fic due to all my overemotional sleep deprivation, was so so kind and had me literally laying in bed with my hands on my face willing myself to not cry again.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

tbh i kinda wanna say on and off all the time? just because as much as writing is more a hobby for me i do put a lot of effort and time into my work and i have bouts of inspiration mixed with dry spells of wanting to do literally anything but writing—or even reading—and trying to get any work done when i don't feel a lick of desire or inspiration to do is like...pulling teeth with a rusty spoon for me. i'm so goddamn stubborn when i don't want to do things.

but if that answer was too bleak lol: when i'd been up for over 30 hours and had written multiple passages for 'you can lay your hands on me' and deleted like, i don't even know how many of them because they were too rambling and disconnected, and my posting deadline was right around the corner and i realized i couldn't post all i'd originally wanted to anymore and that i'd have to be content with what i'd already finished writing and editing before i stayed up all night and the next day....yeah suffice to say i'll be minding my limits better from now on dfkjgndf

10. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

i'm tied between two scenes that really stick out to me tbh?

in 'you can lay your hands on me' it's the one where HL have their proper conversation about introducing bee-dee-ess-em into their relationship, as the whole section from harry's accidental sub slip to that initial conversation i'd done over and over again only to be unsatisfied each time. it actually put me quite behind as i had to walk away from it for a few weeks in order to come back with fresh eyes and pull it off; it's such a big scene because it properly kicks off literally everything else that follows and i didn't want to skip or half-ass it so i could move along.

the second scene is the confession in 'swear i've known you since forever' just because when it comes to boiling points of high emotion or confrontation i always feel like i'm being unrealistic or too soap-opery with everything but i'm really happy with what i came up with! there's definitely some build-up leading to the confession itself, but the way it's done feels more natural to me than other confession/high-point scenes i've written where things feel far too explosive for what's actually going on.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

tbh 'losing focus every time' probably has the most one-liners i'm super proud of so it's kind of hard to pick, but! this one sappy section i am particularly fond of:

Louis goes a little cross eyed staring at him so close. He could trace each mole and freckle on Harry’s face with his eyes closed. But right now, he just wants to remember how he is for his eyes only. Before he’s polished for sets and strangers again.

Like—the stubble over his jaw that frames his plush, rose lips will be gone in a few days’ time. His hair, too, will be trimmed, and styled curl-free. All freshly shaven and prim, time accurate and in-character, for his period pieces. Pretty in a distantly familiar, almost boyish way. Too clean and too plain in his wardrobe pieces, all lacking the color and flair of Harry’s tastes that Louis’ fallen more in love with every day.

But it’s still his Harry once they call cut or wrap for the day. His Harry that makes friends with everyone on cast and crew, bringing people breakfast and tea, waving to intrusive fans who line up behind the set tape like they’re at a red carpet premiere.

And when Harry comes home for a few days or after it’s all over, he nearly sighs in relief the next time he’s allowed layering sweaters and stacking rings, fluffing his hair so it curls over his forehead just the right way. Back to seeing himself in the mirror again.

But always, regardless, Louis’ Harry.

12. How did you grow as a writer for this year:

i think i've been finding my 'style' easier and easier to come by! in the past i've needed to constantly read stories and written word excerpts that fit the 'vibe' of what i was going for to keep me feeling motivated and that i was pulling things off correctly but i don't have to do that half as much anymore because the voice i'm aiming for just comes easier to me than it used to!

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

i really just want to get more things done and posted and not get so hung up on making this big grand 'projects' every time i get an idea, or scrap every little thing that doesn't have 'project' potential, because i think that hinders me a lot both by way of motivation and feeling achieved. and in a similar vain, get my current wips finished and posted up (including: the rewritten half of my subrry fic, my momrry fest fic , o!harry fest fic, at least the second part of my o/o series 'and the sun came out', aaaand maybe a long-had wip lightly inspired by a—really terrible and definitely problematic so if you find it on my page do not read it lmao— fic i wrote in like.....high school that has far too many kudos and reads but that i still haven't deleted if only to show how much better i am at writing now lmao

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

oh boy uhm i'd just like to say a big thanks to the @1d-library discord server because most of the other writers i talk to i've found in there, as well as some lovely stories and interesting conversations, resources, the works! i've felt very reaffirmed in my writing as well as been able to work through issues a lot faster since joining and i'd really like to be more active in talking to more people there...as i've said i'm just kind of shy + with some past experiences in fandom discord servers i'm a bit tentative to engage in active conversation, but i'm working on it!

in terms of pieces that've really fueled me this year, i'd say godsent stories including coffinofachimera's 'time passed', superglass's 'loved by your mother' and 'garden of eden', and @indiaalphawhiskey's 'our lives, non-fiction' as well as some old favorites like navigator's 'keep yourself warm' and some fics i've read for the untamed/mo dao zu shi really kept me inspired and clutching at my chest in feeling. i also hoard one-liners and book and poetry excerpts like mad and constantly go through my words tag as well.

also to everyone who's yelled at me over my momrry snippet to 'give him a baby alex i swear to god'—i see you and hear you and promise to not leave you disappointed!!

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year?

yes yes and YES i'm horribly self indulgent and love to sneak little bits and pieces of my real life into things i'm writing!! for one, if you notice a near-constant mention of food in my fics, it's usually because i'm craving that thing or thinking of making it irl and have to work it out of my system somehow. i'm a romantic with very little luck in love as well so a lot of my romantic desires, love languages and kinda relationship 'goals' show up a lot in my work, to kind of tide me over, haha. any gender talk in my fics also comes from a very personal place, and i actually dared to make some insinuations of unhealthy past relationships in 'you can lay your hands on me' with little hints of things that i've been through.

writing is very cathartic to me in general and sometimes it's easier for me to works things out through written word in versus in drawings because words can sometimes be less blunt than an image—you've got to piece things together to find the message instead of it staring you unblinkingly in the face, sometimes, and a blunt allegory is easier for me to translate into words than when i'm painting or drawing a lot of the time.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

be kind to yourself, developing a style or rhythm that feels personal to you isn't an overnight process, take the time you need to get things done, you're always going to be your harshest critic, aaaand there's no harm in taking breaks from writing!

17. Any projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

vibrates i'm honestly so so SO excited for my momrry fest fic to come out...mild spoilers though because i'm technically writing two momrry fics—one for the fest and one i've been working on for almost a year now as part of the 'and the sun came out' series! so i guess i'm excited for my momrry fics to come out, lmao. i've actually gotten all of the momrry part planned out for ATSCO as well as most of it written, but because it's not the next part in the series itself i've got pretty much the entirety of part two to still write, but i finally figured out what i was stuck on for literal months and just know part two will be coming before too long, too!

18. Tag some writers whose answer you'd like to read.

i know i'm late here so feel free to ignore me if you've done this already but! tagging @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @non-binharry @thestylinsons @dryourtearsaway @polaroidlouis @hershelsue @princelyharry @softfonds and anyone else that would like to! ofc as always no pressure <3

#tagged #writing tag #alex talks

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jidai · 3 years

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jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao.

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do.

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN. I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart.

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks 🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis, Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee.

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao.

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what--

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

#for mutuals #mutuals don't ask about your titles i was being quirky LMAO #this took so long so i hope it works properly sksks #it hasn't been proofread so enjoy the mess

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? Yeah, especially my mom and I. Is there any food in your bedroom? Just my ramen bowl from last night that I haven’t taken out, yet, but it’s empty. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Yes. How expensive is too expensive for a pair of shoes? I admit to liking my Adidas, which are pricy, but the kind I get are at least under a $100. How far away do your grandparents live from you? They live in another state, about a 12 hour drive away.

What kinds of cereal are in the cupboard? I think there’s just Cinnamon Cheerios at the moment. My family and I don’t really eat cereal much anymore. Is there anything related to cats in your bedroom? No. Whats the last thing you spent over 10$ on? Stuff from Bath & Body Works. They have their fall/Halloween collection in and I just had to get some stuff. Over 30$? ^^^^ Do you know who lives three houses down from you? Nope. Do you think Canadians all really love maple syrup? Do they Lane? lol. I’m not Canadian, but I do love maple syrup. Is there a bulletin board in your room? Yep. Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? Neither of them really are, but out of the two my mom is more than my dad. My dad has a major sweet tooth and he likes his junk food. Easter or Halloween? I enjoy both. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? I don’t think we have any at the moment. Do you have your moms or dads hair? I have my dad’s hair color, but my mom’s waviness. She actually had curly hair and has all my life, but she says when she was a kid and teenager it was wavy and then it became curlier as she got older. Whats the first thing you see when you walk into your bedroom? The 4ft giraffe stands out a lot. Have you ever skipped history class? In college I probably did sometimes. I didn’t make a habit of missing class, but it happened now and then either because I didn’t feel well or just didn’t feel up to it that day. I always made sure I knew what was going on that day (like nothing had to be handed in that day or there wasn’t a quiz or exam, of course) and thankfully because of the syllabus I could keep up with the reading and assignments. I just allowed myself to miss a day or two. Do you own any yellow clothes? I have a yellow shirt and a yellow Adidas hoodie. Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? I have a cousin who does. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? No, but I cried on the last day of 4th grade because I just really liked my teacher lmao. Everyone loved him, he was awesome. It was cool because he ended up being an 8th grade teacher later on and I got to have him again. Does your kitchen looks like it was designed in a completely different decade? No. Whens the last time you wore heels? Never. Do you have your moms or dads eyes? My mom’s. Is there anything shiny in the room youre in? Yeah. Whats the best date movie? I wouldn’t know. How long has your current best friend been your best friend? All 31 years of my life. Have your parents ever been out of the country? Yes, they’ve both been to Italy before I was born and I’m super jealous. Actually, my mom went once when she was pregnant with me so I kinda went haha. I’d like to experience it for real one day. Are you older then the last person you laughed with? Yes. How many pairs of jeans, all together, are in your house? I am not even going to attempt to figure that out. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? No. Would you rather name your daughter Andrea or Eva? Not having kids, but I do like the name Andrea. Is there any alcohol in the fridge? I think there is. If you had to get up at 6am tomorrow morning, would it be painful? I’d be up considering I don’t even go to bed until like 7/8AM. :X Have you ever seen the last person you watched TV with drunk? Yeah. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? I had a friend do that. Would you rather get a new brother or sister? No new siblings at this point. My mom had a hysterectomy anyway, so unless she’s adopting, which she’s not, it’s not happening. Do you have anything in your room youve had for ten years or more? A lot of things. Do your pets chase after bugs? My doggo chases flies sometimes lol. She sees me going after them with the fly swatter and she tries to help. Would you ever kiss the last person who messaged you on facebook/MSN/etc? No. Do eat at home or in restaurants more? Well, I haven’t ate out at a restaurant since February. We do a lot of takeout, though. We did that a lot even before all this, I prefer it. Whens the last time you were so excited you couldnt sleep? Why? Back in February the night before my Disneyland trip. Audrey Hepburn or Audrey Kicthing? Hepburn. I’ve never even heard of Audrey Kitching. Do you e-mail more often then you talk on MSN/AIM? I don’t know about MSN, which I’ve never had, but AIM hasn’t been a thing for awhile. It’s been over a decade anyway since I’ve used it. I don’t email either, except recently to try and dispute a charge. If your best friends birthday was next week, what would you get them? Well, her birthday is actually next month so I’ve been thinking about what to get her. What is your moms favorite movie? Grease haha. <<< Ha, that’s one of my mom’s faves as well. How much older is your dad then you? He’s 27 years older than me. What TV family reminds you of your own family? Hmm. Do you own any flip-flops? Nope. I don’t wear flip flops, sandals, slip ons, or any open toed shoe. Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? Nah, my parents didn’t tell me that. Do you have any relatives who really spoil you? My parents. Are there any drawers in your house that are just filled with junk? Yeah, we have the designated junk drawer. I personally have a few :X Is the last person you spoke to in love? Not that I know of. How far away is Chicago from where you live? It’d be a 32 hour drive and like a 4 hour nonstop flight. Do you know anyone who always looks perfect? Who? I think my mom does. She likes to wear makeup, but I truly don’t think she needs it. I’m also super envious of her flawless skin, which I sadly didn’t get. Do you know anyone who has security cameras in their house? Yeah. Do you think Zac Efron is really that good looking? Eh, honestly I’ve never really found him attractive. What was the last movie to make you cry? Hmm. I’m blanking at the moment. Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? No. Who was the main character in the last book you read? Her name is Emma Griffin. Is the last person you said goodbye to single? One of them is. Who are the last people you saw kiss? People on the show I was watching. Have you ever posted a fan fiction on a website? No. Do you ever fantasize about your future wedding? Whos the bride/groom? Nope. I don’t plan on ever getting married. I’m also not the person who has dreamt of their wedding since they were little. Chapstick or lipgloss? Chapstick. I like ones with a tint of color. What was the last unplesant thing to wake you up? A nightmare. Do you have any friends who are ALWAYS kissing their bf/gf? Does that get annoying? Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Stars. If you could trade appearances with the last person you hugged, would you? Like I said, I’m super envious of my mom’s flawless skin and I think she looks beautiful with or without makeup. Do you have any relatives who are expecting a baby really soon? No. Do you ever wonder what the opposite sex do at sleepovers? Probably play video games, watch movies, and eat. When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? Sigh. Does your best friend get along with their parents? This same question was in a previous survey I just did. Anyway, yeah she was very close with them when they were alive, but sadly they both have passed away. :( If you were to walk to Florida from where you live, would it take long? Uh, yeah. I live in California and Florida is all the way across on the opposite side. According to Google it would take 912 hours to walk there! Do you understand why 'To kill a mockingbird' is called what it is? I know I learned about the reason why, but I don’t recall. Okay, so I just Googled it because I was curious and yep the explanation is what I was told. When's the last time you broke plans? Why? It’s been a few years now since I’ve had plans, but I started having to cancel and not make plans at all because of health stuff and just for the fact I was really going through a hard time. Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? Nope. Would you feel safer with an alarm systen or security camera? Both. Does the last person you touched smoke? No. Do you know someone who is CONSTANTLY texting? Does that annoy you? It only annoys me when I’m trying to talk to them because so often they’re too focused on whatever they’re doing on their phone. Does it matter to you what kind of shampoo you use? Yeah. Rate this survey from 1 to 5 (1 worst, 5 best): I don’t like rating stuff, but it was fine.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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frostygar · 4 years

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The Flash S5 Ep 1 Thoughts

- The intro being like Barry’s in the beginning, but with Nora’s voice-over? AMAZING. I’m just going to call her Nora Allen because… yeah… and XS is her name? Clearly she wasn’t named by Cisco because that’s… 😬😬😬

- However they casted Nora so, so well. She’s gorgeous and she does look like a mix of Barry and Iris. I just thank God that Barry and Iris are not actually blood related or else she’d look… not like that. Barry’s face when she tells him she was named after his mom, I’m SOFT 🥺🥺🥺

- Cisco coming to the rescue with humor to save the tension, just like she pointed out. Love to see it! But why would Caitlin not realize that if that’s Barry and Iris’ daughter, why WOULDN’T she know their names? C’mon, Caitlin is smart… although I guess it’s automatic for people to ask that so I’ll give it a pass.

- “And your name is XS…” “Clearly not my doing” wow I love being right lmao but it’s a nickname??? Because she always did things in excess? Isn’t that kind of rude because Iris called her that because she was always doing more, going over the top. Whatever, I may end up liking it I’m not sure so I’ll just continue watching.

- Ralph being Ralph and Wally low-key feeling insulted that he didn’t know about the legends, iconic as always. But what was better was Joe’s “oh fuck” face when he realized that Cecile still had her powers lmao that’s hilarious!

- Ooh the title card mixing Nora’s purple with Barry’s yellow/red? Now THAT is iconic!!! However… Iris DOES realize that the only reason their lightning is a certain color is because of their outfits, right??? Barry’s suit is red and yellow and her’s was purple. Lightning trails kind of mean nothing other than the fact that they’re a speedster…

- I know this being a bit bitchy but the fact that Iris called the idea of Nora Marty McFly-ing herself could ruin her own existence was Terminator 2 and not Back To The Future highlights the fact that Barry is a nerd and Iris isn’t and therefore, in that way, do not fit together (and yes my Snowbarry shipping ass does recognize that Caitlin probably would because she’s also a nerd but I’ll keep that out for my first thought-post)

- “I’ll be back… in a flash.” God Nora is the CUTEST thing! And her little giggle was so cjdsfhaskjfhskfa She’s so excited to meet her parents even though it’s dangerous I just love her okay

- Iris is a bit cute with meeting their daughter too. I love that she was like “I knew she was our daughter!” since Barry was skeptic, as he should because this is a superhero show and therefore do not trust anyone who comes into your life claiming to be something but Barry is also right that they need to get her back as quick as possible. I wish they’d been allowed some time to mull over what happened though because it’s been hours since everything went down last season.

- Can’t believe Wally is back (even though it’s probably just for a little bit) I’ve missed him so much and it’s just so surreal 🥺🥺🥺

- Even though I feel bad for Cisco about his breakup, instead of focusing on Iris being all cute and proud about her daughter, I was more focused on Caitlin waving her hand above Cisco’s face to check on him lol I love their friendship so much they’re really tight and I swear to GOD they better not ruin it

- FINALLY Barry is given his mundane job back! Technically it was supposed to be last episode but obviously shit hit the fan so… Still, I know that eventually Iris goes back to being a reporter but that separation, having different jobs is exactly what they need because being together all the damn time is very annoying and focuses so much on them. I’m still bitter that they made Iris the “leader” of team flash despite knowing nothing (but suddenly does because fan service) about the level of science they use every day, Iris really only knows how to be bossy and commanding

- Barry being all awkward and stuttering over calling Iris her mom I love it, so cute. Also, HE HAS HIS OWN SPACE AGAIN WE LOVE THAT FOR HIM.

- Nora being just as smart as Barry? We love to see it! Her also loving his favorite dessert? We love that too! Barry bonding with his future daughter? WE LOVE THAT EVEN IF IT’S DANGEROUS.

- I miss Barry having little quips when he’s out and about as the flash, like him connecting with the cops is so sweet.

- Nora if you’re going to show up where he’s going to battle another meta, don’t give away the fact that you’re there when you’re not supposed to be!

- FLASH MUSEUM. Isn’t there always a museum for superheroes in these kinds of things lol are they REALLY that surprised when they’ve made drinks and if I’m remembering correctly, a day for The Flash??

- “I’ve studied everything” hinting at the fact that she learned from the museum and not her parents, meaning something happens to one of them, probably Barry.

- Hungover Cisco is really… interesting. Sad we don’t get humorous Cisco because he’s mulling over a migraine but hey everyone has off days

- RALPH COMING IN TO SAVE THE HUMOR WITH THE “MANYVERSE” AWWW THIS POOR DUDE!!!!

- Why can’t we have this cute Iris who’s like her own person all the time? I mean the last few episodes of s4 were actually quite tolerable and I’m not sure how or why but please let this tolerable Iris stay PLEASE

- First of all, I love Schway, second of all, Iris being the mom who tries to be hip… we love to see it.

- Knowing that Nora never was around Barry because of something I’m not sure of (gotta love seeing spoilers lol) and Iris apparently treating her… not that great… and her hugging Barry before she leaves (which will probably fail) and not Iris hinting at that in the future just—ugh wonderful show

- Called it not working! I mean, how else is she supposed to stay in the show lol they wouldn’t introduce Nora for an ep and then let her go home, especially in 15 minutes

- This meaningful talk between Barry and Iris is really sweet. Like, normally Iris makes it all about herself but she’s actually helping Barry and recognizing that this is how he feels and she’s genuinely helping. It’s so weird, it’s like I stopped watching and now we’re in a parallel universe where Iris is actually good and it’s tripping me up

- Iris using schway with Barry that was very cute

- Barry realizing that he’s not a part of the picture in the future 🥺🥺 Poor Barry…

- Nora calling herself selfish a bad speedster sounds more like words that she heard growing up……. :(

- God I am LEGIT crying at her explaining this to Barry, apologizing to him, him realizing that he DID miss all of his daughter’s firsts. It takes a lot of emotion for me to cry, like, a LOT. This is such a raw, emotional moment and it’s so, so. good. This scene is just 😭😭😭 they are such great actors JESUS pull me by the throat why don’t you

- BARRY USING HARRY’S WORDS THAT HELPED HIM PHASE TO NORA DJFILSAHFKSFHSKAJFHFKHFUHFKDS Nora gets to learn from her dad like she’s always wanted and Barry is a proud dad and I’m just… I’M FULL OF EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW OKAY

- NORA INCIDENTALLY OUTING JOE’S RESTING PLACE LMAO

- First of all, Nora gushing over her uncle Wally… the cutest… second of all, Joe and Wally interactions I’m so soft 🥺🥺

- “Will you take care of him, XS?” “You got it, Kid Flash.” WELL THERE GO MY TEARS AGAIN THANKS

- Ralph and Cisco banter we love to see it.

- RALPH WAS HELPING CAITLIN WITH HER KILLER FROST PROBLEM AWWWW I heard people ship them and I can see why because they have a really sweet relationship of helping one another at their lowest and I just… my crying is now a sobbing

- The second they said her dad had been dead for awhile I immediately figured that he wasn’t but anyways… CAITLIN’S DAD IS ALIVE YAY! She can get answers 🥺😭

- Why would Barry need Iris’s permission to go to Happy Harbor to get ice cream??? He’s an adult lol

- Ugh the ending, finishing with her outro just like Barry’s in the first ep. Fantastic. Chef’s kiss. Amazing.

- So is there some meta-human-hunter now??? Welp… rip Gridlock...

#The Flash #Barry Allen #Caitlin Snow #Cisco Ramon #anti-iris west #anti-westallen #Nora Allen #Wally West

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incomprehensiblelentils · 4 years

Note

Any skimmons fic recommandation?

Aw, hi anon! I’m very flattered you asked me, but I should add a disclaimer that I don’t really keep up with the AO3 tag like I used to and whatever list I make will almost definitely be missing some really good fic that came out the last few years that I just happened to miss. At this point most of my involvement with SHIELD fic is AUs that my wife and I make up and occasionally I go poking into the tag, but I don’t really have my finger on the pulse of fandom the way I used to.

I’ll Be the Rock Star if You’ll Be the Scientist by nerdwegian (T) - this is IMO a classic, and an absolute delight. I come back to it every now and again because it’s just a really fun story. It’s basically a season 1-era plot where FitzSimmons accidentally created a dinosaur and it escapes the plane using Lola, and the team has to get it back. It isn’t exclusively a romance fic but it feels like the way an actual episode would have handled them if they’d been canon early on. I’m very picky about character voices in fic, and I feel like this one really nails them.

Would It Be Okay If I Took Your Breath Away by pirateygoodness (E) - full disclosure, this is by my friend J @swashbucklery, but I liked this fic before we were friends! It’s just some very nice in-character smut, which at the time of its posting the tag was really in need of.

Blanket recommendation for all of JackEPeace’s AUs but I especially recall liking the reincarnation AU (T) and the Veronica Mars AU (T).

and if you’re still breathing (you’re the lucky ones) by plinys - 1x13 “T.R.A.C.K.S” fix-it that I like much more than the episode, obviously.

Here There Be Dragons by Selenay (T) - with the small caveat that I only read this once and don’t remember a lot of it, but I remember liking it.

To the Rescue (Here I Am) by plinys (T) - Power Rangers AU, which, I know there are a few of these floating around. I think this is the only one I ever read though, and it’s just cute and fun.

moving pictures by oneworldaway (T) - my friend Julia @toshikosatos wrote me a VERY upsetting fic based upon this scene in Warehouse 13 (involving one person who, long story short, left and left a hologram of herself behind). Because we like hurting ourselves

Also I’m not sure if you’re supposed to rec your own stuff on posts like these, but I’m gonna do it anyway because I created this tag, I’ve written like 2% of the whole thing, and I’m really quite proud of some of the stuff I’ve written (and my wife as well).

We have an ongoing BDSM/kink PWP series which we update whenever canon presents an opportunity, basically. If you want to read the fluffiest BDSM porn in the world look no further!

There is a Phantom of the Opera AU we wrote to dunk on Ward! It’s fun!

There is a loose medieval AU we wrote that (in retrospect) I think is kind of messy plot-wise but we had fun with it, and some people seemed to like it, so!

I used to write a companion fic after each episode of season 1 but then senior year of college said “fuck you” so I stopped doing that and now I feel like it would be too weird to go back lol. But people really liked it, it was some of the first fic in the tag (the first one WAS the first Skimmons fic on AO3), and I think it is still worth a look.

There’s a loose OUAT AU that I wrote for a friend that I’m still very fond of, because it has werewolves and I love werewolves.

Autostraddle once linked my cute fluffy Valentine’s Day fic and I have never fully recovered from the shock.

The fandom’s first High School AU ayyyyyy

I cannot overestimate the nicheness of the Warehouse 13 AU but a few people loved this and I swear I will go back to this AU someday!

B (my wife) has a vampire AU series that’s meant to be loosely True Blood AU and which I think is very fun. Most of it is porn, JSYK.

She also wrote a Fury Road AU which is very long and involved and involves multiple ships, but which I think is very good!

And she has a series of anthologies where she puts her Femslash February one-shot collections, as well as other one-shot collections (she did Skimmons Week awhile back for example)

Anyway! Again, I really haven’t dug into the tag very extensively the last few years, I’m sure I’m missing some great stuff, but hopefully that helps you out.

#anonymous #bad girl shenanigans

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

Note

Hi! I'm new to your blog but found a few posts that were about a JayTom ship, and I was wondering who Tom was? And also you've mentioned in a couple of posts the idea of Jason having a lineup of Titans in his age range and you talked about the Ray and Damage in one. Do you have a whole lineup in mind for them and if so, is there a post on that somewhere?

LOL man, I really need to start pulling all my posts about JayTom and Jay’s lineup of Titans together for some kind of a masterlist, so thanks for the reminder haha. Like, I saw this ask and thought of various posts to point you towards but ugh, I don’t know where any of them are.

Anyway, so. The Tom of JayTom. Aka my ideal ship for Robin!Jason in the series of one-shots about an AU where Jason doesn’t go to Ethiopia in ADITF and thus never dies, that’s kinda grown out of that of a one-shot I started as a writing commission a couple months ago, if anyone else remembers that….the one that was like ‘what if Jason called Dick after the Garzonas incident and Dick sided with Jason’…that one.

Which then snowballed into ‘well, then I could give Jason his own lineup of Titans who are in the same age range as like a younger gen learning from Dick’s generations of Titans but still older than Tim’s generation of YJ and then eventual Titans.’

Sigh. Oh, me. Right! So! Anyway! Tom in JayTom is Thomas Bronson, the son of JSA member Ted Grant, aka Wildcat.

Tom and Jason have never ever interacted in canon as far as I know, as I don’t think Tom’s ever appeared outside of JSA and Jason never appeared in that book either before or after his death. BUT by the magic of winging it and Canon Has Not Definitively Contradicted Me, I think the two of them are feasibly in the same age range, so I’m going with them both being fifteen when they meet here.

Tom’s a scrappy, street smart, attitude throwing teenager with daddy issues of his own, lol, thanks to Ted’s general non-existence in his life, for most of it….and he’s also tiny, like, 5′6″ and 135 lbs even at the end of his teenage years. LMAO, I honestly don’t remember, but I think that might be the whole basis of this ship for me, or where it originated. Like, I happened across Tom’s stats as listed on one of the DC wiki sites, and was like, lol oh, he and Robin!Jason could be pint-sized punks together! And then from there, I had the inevitable thought “okay but now make them gay” and then from there I fell into my usual trap of “oh no, it was supposed to be a joke but now I’m taking it seriously and seriously pondering how it could seriously work.”

And then from there it consumed my brain and devoured my life. I swear, it was Dick/Kyle all over again. Ugh, my brain is so problematic.

So anyway, this is Tom:

He’s a werepanther, he can shapeshift into a panther form to fight, which brings up an interesting facet of his character and something I think could be really fun to play off Jason and his own issues…because Tom hates fighting. HATES it. Will run from a fight at any given opportunity rather than engage….but its not because he’s a coward, or doesn’t have heroic instincts of his own, and its not even because he’s not GOOD at fighting.

Its that he’s scared of himself, and scared of hurting whoever he’s fighting…at least more than he means to. Because he has trouble controlling his shift when in fights. His panther form just comes out in response to his own amped up levels of aggression. The fight or flight response for him is actually more like “flight or turn into a raging whirlwind of clawed and fanged fury that can’t stop won’t stop until he’s definitively won his fight….which by extension, usually means his opponent is currently bleeding out on the ground from a few dozen deep claw marks because Panther!Tom’s claws and fangs are SHARP.”

Now pair this fear of his own power with Tom’s natural belligerence and problems with authority at certain points in his life, AND his desire to follow in his hero father’s footsteps as well as his resentment and giving himself grief every time he realizes he even has that desire, because he doesn’t owe his deadbeat dad shit and can’t stand that he nevertheless admires him in a lot of ways and still feels a desire to prove himself to him…

Then pair him up with Jason during his Robin years, going through similar issues and emotions as well as a comparable dynamic with Bruce as him not dying in Ethiopia nevertheless changes nothing about the two of them likely clashing more and more over their views on how to deal with criminals and the appropriate levels of aggression when dealing with them….

And that right there, IMO, is super strong potential for a dynamic couple with a lot in common and yet occasional clashes of their own due to different opinions on which direction to go in so as to address those shared issues…but who likely would never hesitate for a second before backing each other up and presenting a united front against anyone else who tried to give one or the other shit for any reason whatsoever.

Also, I have vastly amused myself with the thought (and the occasional post here and there) of Ted and Bruce continually glowering at each other and blaming each other’s son for being a bad influence on their son, who has never done anything wrong in their life ever, CLEARLY (even if Bruce had actually just grounded Jason the day before. Whatever. Ted doesn’t need to know that).

Anyway, so that’s the JayTom I reference now and then. I’ve always maintained that Jason could really benefit from having a stronger support system of friends distinct to him and not sharing similar dynamics with any of his siblings, so then I was like, well if Jay doesn’t die, and I have him and Dick closer in this AU than they’re usually written as being, plausibly Jason would spend a lot of time at the Tower to get away from Bruce and his own fights with him.

With Dick being more than able to relate to trouble dealing with Bruce and thus happy to lend a sympathetic ear….and eventually maybe express to Bruce that it might do them both some good for Jason to make more friends his own age and have some normal routines that took him out of the house and Gotham enough that he and Bruce don’t constantly feel like they’re breathing down each other’s necks and keeping tension a constant thing between them. A little space now and then could benefit them both, give them chances to cool off after their fights and actually MISS each other before readdressing the issues.

So then I could see the Titans kinda sending out invitations/recruiting various teen heroes around Jason’s age that they’d all maybe had their eyes on for awhile as kids who could benefit from the same kind of team unity/group support that helped them so much when they were that age just a few years ago themselves.

Which leads me to where I am now which is….I still haven’t settled on a solid lineup, because I came up with too many choices, lol. Basically, my parameters were I wanted characters who could feasibly be said to be in the same age range as Jason and Tom, and didn’t have super strong associations with any other characters that would create any kind of conflict with them being on a Titans team at this point in the timeline instead. And because I’m all about my thematics, I wanted them all to have certain root issues in common that they could all bond over and actually, y’know, support each other with and through.

(The same way I think Dick’s generation of Titans actually has certain distinct themes and issues that almost all of them share and can relate to in varying ways, which I think has a lot to do with how quickly and fully they all bonded and why they created such lasting friendships and teams between them. But that’s a whole other post, lol.)

So the central shared issues I decided to focus on for Jason’s age group of Titans were: teen/young heroes from abusive homes or runaways, ones with issues and fears stemming from and regarding their own powers or tempers, etc, and misfits who were regarded warily by other or older heroes and considered potentially able to end up on either side of the hero/villain line in the sand.

Which Dick’s generation of Titans, which of course includes Raven, Kory, etc, would not be in agreement with that last part, and thus be all the more likely to recruit these specific teen heroes and be like nyah, nyah, watch how with our help and oh yeah, SUPPORT, they all become the best damn heroes that ever did heroically hero. Suck it, JLA-holes!

(And then Donna would be like, not you Diana, you know we’re cool, its just I gotta do the team solidarity thing and Dick, Garth and Roy are still being Displeased with their mentors/dads at the moment, and also we’re all kinda ticked you guys stole Wally. Btw, we’re stealing the new Green Lantern kid, because Revenge and stuff. He’s ours now, you snooze, you lose).

So, Jason’s lineup of Titans will consist of some of the following, I’m just not 100% sure which yet, because I have to whittle down the list.

1) Jason (nominally mentored by Dick, but the latter just calls it an excuse for brother bonding time and neither of them make much reference ever to having any kind of actual mentor/protégé relationship like I see the rest of Jay’s lineup having. Plus, Jason unique from the rest already has a mentor in Bruce anyway, so his situation and reasons for being part of this team aren’t quite the same from the others, especially as one of my reasons for this AU was always addressing the issues I have with Bruce’s parenting before the canon event point of Jason’s death, and like…..so like, Bruce does get better once Dick calls out some of his shit with Jason based on his own experiences with Bruce and then later Jason returns the favor by calling out Bruce for taking Dick for granted and no longer putting in the same effort connecting with his eldest and being an actual PARENT to him like he used to).

2) Tom Bronson/Tomcat (who else would act as his personal mentor other than Gar aka Beast Boy aka Changeling, the shapeshifter extraordinaire?)

3) Grant Emerson/Damage (recruited by Roy and his personal protégéand likely BFFs with Jason IMO, as I think their temperaments are complete opposites but Grant’s the kind of kid who would roll his eyes and dolefully follow his troublemaking best friend Jay into likely danger, because his power to blow things up really comes in handy with the kind of scrapes Jason gets himself into and this in turn is a really handy thing to point out in the aftermath of pulling Jason’s butt out of a scrape and then gloating but in the totally mature and “I’m much too nice to actually be gloating, you must be mistaken about what’s happening here” manner in which I see that going down. And in terms of the parameters I mentioned, Grant grew up bounced around abusive foster homes, is watched like a hawk by various groups and heroes because of the huge catastrophic potential of his powers, which he has his own fears about, and also he has no idea who his parents are either, and I imagine him and Jason going on a ‘find out who our real parents are roadtrip’ after graduation or something).

4) Ray Terrill/The Ray (potentially recruited by Kory and her personal protégé. He was briefly a member of Tim’s Young Justice team, but part of the reason he was never that close with the other members was he was a little bit older, just a couple years or so, but enough to put him squarely in Jason’s age range. Also comes from an abusive home, and spent the majority of his childhood living in complete darkness because his asshole uncle told him he had the same powers as his father which meant sunlight would be harmful to him and make him dangerous to be around. When in reality, like his dad, Ray’s powers are fueled by sunlight and he’s like a living solar battery, keeping him afraid to leave the dark was just meant to keep him passive and powerless. Even knowing his uncle lied now, Ray still has long had fears about his own powers, unable to totally shake the fears his uncle instilled in him).

5) Todd Rice/Obsidian (potentially recruited by Raven and her personal protégé. He and his twin sister Jenny-Lynn Hayden are probably a bit older than the rest of this team, but their ages aren’t definitively linked to any points in the DC timeline, so there’s no real conflict between handwaving them as aged down to be right around the same ages as the others. Todd and Jenny-Lynn are the twin children of original Green Lantern Alan Scott aka Sentinel, and the DC villainness Thorn. They grew up in separate foster homes though with Alan unaware of their existence for most of their childhoods. Todd’s childhood was notoriously rough, with him having several abusive foster parents. He’s canonically gay and mentally ill/neurodivergent, which several of his foster homes targeted him for. In addition, his shadow powers are tied to a dark dimension that’s said to prey on his mental state and led to occasional times where he’s been a villain briefly, and at all times his powers are regarded fearfully by most people and with him shunned and avoided because of them. All of which I think makes Raven an ideal mentor for him).

6) Jenny-Lynn Hayden/Jade (Todd’s twin sister, even though they didn’t grow up together for the most part. Honestly, she doesn’t share in a lot of the issues the rest of the team prospects do, and had a relatively good childhood before her powers developed and she found her brother and they started operating as heroes together. But upon learning who her brother and dad are, she’s always been committed to growing closer with them, so I think anywhere Todd goes in this AU, she’d definitely follow, and its not like the team can’t benefit from a heavy hitter like her, let alone more girls. Not totally sure who I picture as most mentoring her in specific, probably because I don’t see her as being recruited per se, so much as just going with Todd when recruited….but I’m thinking maybe Garth, actually. Garth has a lot of range and versatility with his powers and magic, which makes him ideal for mentoring someone who not only has the same powers as a Green Lantern, limited only by her imagination…..but who also might benefit from being mentored by someone who ISN’T a Green Lantern because she doesn’t share their traditional weaknesses and thus she’d be best off training with someone whose own techniques and instincts aren’t geared around weaknesses that are literally irrelevant to her powerset).

7) Courtney Mason/Anima (A metahuman runaway who was almost sacrificed by a cult before her powers kicked in….she’s also right in the same age range as Ray, Grant and Jason, and has briefly been a member of a couple Titans lineups but never for long and usually only for big event stories. But she fits the runaway/rough home environment parameter as well as fear of her own powers….she absorbs life energy from people and animals and can potentially kill them by draining too much. She also has a separate power that’s basically a connection to an other-dimensional spirit called the Animus that she can summon forth and unleash on her enemies. I’m thinking she’d make a good recruit/protégé for Jericho actually, for a number of reasons).

8) Cynthia Reynolds/Fantasia (? Maybe? Not sure yet. Not her actual codename, but her actual codename is a slur, so I’m def gonna make up a new one, I just haven’t 100% settled on what it is yet. Suck it, DC. She’s most known for being a member of Justice League Detroit along with Steel, Vibe and the Ray, but she’s the right age range to end up recruited to be a Titan here instead, like Ray. Also is a runaway from an abusive home, and often deals with mistrust and suspicion due to her illusion powers. Perfect recruit/protégé for Lilith, IMO).

9) Cisco Ramone/Vibe (Also created as a teenage hero to be part of the Justice League Detroit lineup, which makes him the right age range and he’s another runaway. The nature of his powers makes him a good fit to be a recruit/protégéof Mal Duncan/Herald).

10) Amy Allen/Bombshell (Totally self-indulgent on my part given that I basically would ignore the vast majority of her storylines and writing, which I think suck. She was in the Titans stories revolving around Tim’s generation of the team, but she was always stated to be a few years older than the rest, like in her late teens when the majority were probably sixteen, so I think she’s a good fit for this age range. Also had a crappy home life and parents, and her powers are hugely destructive in certain applications…she basically has the same powerset as Captain Atom, though she’s never had any kind of official mentor or sidekick relationship with him. Also, I think Captain Atom is an asshat and a dillhole and he sucks, but I do like his powers, so reinterpreting Amy as a character who doesn’t suck and playing around with her powers instead is solid decision making on my part and renders Captain Atom irrelevant now. I think I shall kill him. Because I can do that. Anyway, I think she doesn’t need him as a mentor but could make a good recruit/protégé for Leonid/Red Star).

11) Carla Moretti/Cinder (Odd choice, given that she’s only ever really been used as a villainous member of Deathstroke’s anti-Titans team and was easily in her twenties at the time. Pyrokinetic who happily makes bonfires out of her enemies but written with zero attempts at nuance, like a total one note villain framed as having long since abandoned her own humanity….which bugged the crap out of me, as she was given a super angsty backstory of childhood sexual abuse and that’s just ‘why she’s like this’ and I have a deep seeded loathing for asshole writers writing survivors as villains and just blaming their casual homicidal ways on their abuse while serving up said villains to just be punching bags or dominoes for the heroes to knock down on their way to the Boss Fight. So I do have inclinations towards making an actual Titan out of her, like with Amy, because surprise surprise, both these characters being written shittily and one note was the work of the same writer, shocking. So I’d just handwave her down to the right age range and have her recruited/mentored by Donna, probably…more due to me thinking Donna would be the best person to help her deal with stuff because she’s mastered the art of avoiding avoidance via having Dick Grayson as a BFF. So with them its not really because Carla needs mentoring with her powers specifically. Idk, Carla anyway you slice it I think has a lot of rage, and Donna knows what to do with that. Written right, Donna’s not a character who judges or shames a victim or survivor for being angry…she gets angry with them, and helps them find options for what to do with that now.)

12) Hero Cruz (Lesser known Titan, has a device called the Dial H device that lets him turn into a different hero with different powers depending on the setting he puts it on. Basically Ben 10, but Hero came first. Doesn’t really fit most of the parameters, other than being around the right age range, and not even sure who would make a good mentor for him though I wanna say Vic, but not totally decided yet. Mostly I just like him and think he’s underused, so whatever).

There’s also a few other candidates that I have mostly ruled out but not totally. I thought about using the aged up version of Chris Kent, and just introduce him earlier than he showed up in canon. And then Kara/Supergirl could be his mentor because I kinda handwave her into Dick’s generation of Titans anyway, even though it was the alien Matrix version of Linda Danvers that was the only Supergirl ever on the team. Whatever. She should have been a Titan all along anyway. But also Chris would fit the team well as he had an abusive childhood as well, at his dad General Zod’s hands, and again, I just like the character.

Thought of including Virgil Hawkins/Static too, even though I think he’s closer to Tim’s age range. And again, just another character I’m a fan of and think is underused, but he would definitely be an odd man out in this group because like….he comes from a happy, healthy, loving home and family, and he loves his powers. So he would constantly be just like nodding his head along while his teammates talk and like ugh that sucks, but 10/10 absolutely can not relate, my parents are awesome. Same with Natasha Irons/Steel, who really would have to be handwaved to even be in the right age range, and again has a happy loving home environment and a superhero uncle of her own so its not like she needs a Titan mentor…..but I kinda wanna see Karen Beecher/Bumblebee take her under her wing anyway, and have them be science nerds together.

Also pretty much the only reason I ruled out Connor Hawke too, as he doesn’t really match the rest of the team in any of the parameters except for feasibly being right at the upper edge of the same age range. But again, I just love the character.

So I’m probably gonna end up throwing at least one of these other characters in there anyway, lol. I do know myself).

Anyway. So that’s Jason’s lineup of Titans, or at least the candidates as they exist bouncing around in my head now. Also, they’re pretty much Team “Everyone is Gay Except For When They’re Bi.” Which, granted, is basically how I view Dick’s generation of Titans, but with them I have to be like Make It So, in my brain, whereas with this group like….canon’s actually done the work for me for the most part lol. Ray is gay, Todd Rice is gay, Courtney is bi, Hero is gay. And I can’t actually find anything confirmed Tom was stated to be gay somewhere in canon, but I SWEAR he was, like, ugh this is bugging me.

But anyway. That’s that about all of that.

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jenniez-tv · 4 years

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Hello Everyone,

Its been awhile since I’ve updated you all on this. I had some people ask me when I was planning on updating. I didn’t realize you guys were still reading. <3 Thank you for caring. Anywho, its been about 3 months since I found out I was in remission/done with chemo. Every 3 months I have to get a CT scan, for the next 1-2 years. After that I don’t know how often I will need to. That means that I just got my first post remission CT scan. Man, I got to tell you, the week of the scheduled date I was so nervous the whole time worrying about it. The anxiety is no joke when it comes to getting it done and then having to wait for results. EEP. I got the scan done yesterday morning and I am not seeing my oncologist until Monday for a follow up and the results of the scan. I was not looking forward to worrying about the results all weekend. THANKFULLY though, my doctor who did my colectomy surgery read the results a couple hours after it was submitted and then called me directly to let me know! Ugh, I really do have the best doctors. It just feels amazing that they go out of the way to do a gesture that impacts the patient greatly! And... the results were that it looks the SAME aka still CANCER FREE!! Yay! Now I could finally breathe and enjoy the weekend!

Work wise - which many of you have asked.. I have started working again about 3 weeks ago. Now don’t go jumping for joy, its only 4hour shifts twice a week for now. It is also doing admin work, not direct patient care working on my L&D unit. Baby steps! (Ugh). I was the one that asked work and my doctor if I could go back to work. It just felt like my brain was melting away not being used. And it felt like I had no reason to get out of bed and do anything. It also felt like I wasn’t needed. Don’t get me wrong, I have so many limitations written by the doctors for what I can and cannot do at work because I still have so many side effects from chemo that I am still waiting (really impatiently now) to go away. - I will go over these in a minute. With work though, so far, so good. Slowly getting back into the routine and hoping to up my hours soon. I was told by multiple health care workers to stop trying to rush to go back to work and do this for like 6 months until I am due for another evaluation. I legit said.. I mean the only reason I want to work more is because who can live off of only working 8 hours a week?? Not me... I was BLESSED enough to get so many donations from so many people last year when I first found out I had cancer. But as you all know, all those doctor appointments, surgeries, chemo, etc is not cheap.. even with insurance. And of course I still had bills to pay monthly. So all the donated money is now depleted and I need money to pay my bills. Otherwise, I really wouldn’t rush into working my body that has just been through hell. Don’t worry though, I’m not jumping in and am really trying to be realistic. Plus, its not like I’ll get approved to go straight back in anyways even if I wanted lol. Honestly though, any suggestions? Oh and just for shits and giggles.. my very first day back working only 4 hours.. I went home and slept for 5 hours.. LOL

As for my side effects, I was told they would start going away after a few months (and now that its been a few months..) GO AWAY! I still have neuropathy - tingling, numbness, pain in my fingers and toes (which is also the most annoying one), fatigue, loss of balance, wonky ass emotions, chemo brain, umm.. I know I have a few more but I’m having trouble thinking of it. (Example of my stupid chemo brain winning). The neuropathy is worse during the winter because of the cold weather and ugh it is just so frustrating. Having trouble buttoning/zipping up my clothes/jackets, tying my shoelaces, holding/picking up stuff that’s cold, bending my fingers to grip and hold stuff.. you get the picture. Its hard at work too because the office I am using is shared with 2 others. One of them likes it cold.. and her temperature of it feeling nice is my omg its freaking freezing!! My hands are so cold (even with hand warmers) that it becomes hard to type. My fingers legit get cold as soon as I stop holding the hand warmer. I also have a hand warmer that plugs into the computer but it doesn’t get my fingers =\. I think i need to buy a small portable personal heater that goes on my desk and it pointed right at my fingers or something. =[. I was told if i still have neuropathy after a year it may never go away. Thankfully, I think it is a little better than before when I was still on chemo. So I’m really hoping it will go away. *fingers crossed*.

I did start working out again! I’m only going about twice a week and I have to stop a lot because I’m nauseous, lightheaded, dizzy, and really fatigued. I have to use the lightest weights and do all the exercises slower. It’s annoying because its such a backtrack from where I was, but hey, at least I’m working out again right? That’s what I have to keep telling myself. -_-.

As for my incision.. its getting better. After it healed all nicely (the last picture that was posted) it decided to hypertrophic on me!! Aka it like tripled in size and raised up! It also got super red! I feel like it happened over night or something. SO upsetting.. I swear I thought I was in the clear and the incision would be so thin, light pink and not very noticeable. Sigh. I also have a lot of scar tissue all over my abomden from the surgery that really is limiting my range of motion. So, I started seeing a chiropractor who do ART (active release technique). Pretty much it means that this technique is used to help break up scar tissue, decrease the pain, and increase the range of motion. (Its used for many other things but that’s what it is used for for me). I have been going twice a week for about 6 weeks now. When I first went, I showed the doctor how far I could lean back and was literally just standing up super straight hahahaha. Now, I can definitely lean back about maybe 30% on a good day? It likes to retract back so fast so i need to continuously stretch it out. THey do/use so many different tools and techiniques to work on it.. but lets just say.. NONE of it feels good. In fact, its pretty uncomfortable lol. I mean its breaking up scar tissue.. why would it feel good? The pain is worth it because not only do I have more range of motion, the pain is definitely less and the scar is actually softer/smoother. I’m no where near close to being done but I’m off to a good start, that’s for sure!

Anywho, I feel like I typed a lot and everything looks like its just being mashed together so I think I’m done for now. Feel free to ask me any questions though! Or/and let me know what other stuff you’re curious about so I can make sure to address it in my next post!

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ionlycareaboutteam7-blog · 5 years

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why do sasunaru shippers hate sasusaku more than naruhina/sakura more than hinata? || aka a sasunaru shipper explaining why sasusaku is better than naruhina in every conceivable way

yeah yeah this isn’t my lane as a sasunaru shipper to comment on ss because it’s not my ship but it IS my lane to comment on sasuke and sakura, 2 of my favourite naruto characters.

this is my first post about naruto or any series in quite awhile, so excuse any possible errors on my part, but i’ve been thinking and i’d like to write out my thoughts on a particular subject. i’m back with a controversial opinion, of course because those are the only ones i’ll ever have

if you ship sasunaru and u viciously hate sakura i suggest going into this post with an open mind because... you aren’t gonna like a lot of what is said here but i suggest reading anyways :-)

during my time in naruto fandom i’ve noticed a trend among sasunaru shippers(and anti ending people in general), sakura is the butt of all of the jokes and especially after the manga ending and gaiden being released people have loved to make jokes about SS’s marriage but hinata never gets the same negative treatment and my thoughts are only

why?

act i: underratus sasusakus

i’m going to get straight to the point and say my opinion. sakura and sasusaku especially are given extremely unfair treatment and exaggerated belittlement among the sasunaru fandom. allow me to explain why

if you love this bitch right here

you should have done enough character analysis to realize these few things about him

1: he was completely deprived of love and any connections from like age 7 up until he met naruto, sakura and kakashi

2: he felt like he had to push everyone he cares about away because he saw it as weak

and 3: underneath all of his trauma he’s kind hearted

so knowing all of these obvious things, why would you say that in moments like these

he is actually trying to shake off someone he doesn’t like at all and only sees as a girl with an annoying crush?

or alternatively, why would you say he’s abusive and she deserves better but then go and ship him with your favourite character? it’s so transparent and it’s obviously just a filler excuse so you don’t have to actually look into the character dynamics and how they work because you don’t want to admit that your least favourite ship actually isnt awful.

Sasuke isn’t the type of person that would have such disregard and apathy towards a person that’s shown him nothing but love throughout the entire series. that goes against his entire character’s philosophy and most of the arguments seem to be pulled out of thin air also

He obviously cares about sakura plain and simple, no mental gymnastic argument in the world can disregard plain canon evidence. if youre so set on the idea that sasuke doesn’t give a shit about sakura, then i’m gonna raise the question: why would you have a character who doesn’t care about one of his teammates that supported him as ur fave? which leads me to my next point

there’s obviously gonna be theeese kind of people:

“of course my precious baby sasuke loves his team, but sakura has a selfish love and she will never deserve him!!!!”

there are SO many anti sakura arguments from sasunaru shippers that are just plain wrong so i’m gonna use this opportunity to crush them all

“sakura only liked sasuke cause he was hot and popular”

after sakura was surprised that the kid guessed she liked sasuke, she was informed he was popular with the girls

so that one panel gets rid of that argument

“sakura doesn’t really love sasuke, she was going to kill him...”

...because she thought it was her ONLY OPTION to save him from himself, she thought he was too far gone and it wasn’t until naruto showed up that she had hope again (which is why sasunaru shippers being as threatened by ss as they are is so dumb and crazy)

personally i don’t like this aspect of ss and heavily prefer the sasunaru dynamic with the whole eternal never giving up on you thing because it scratches my particular shipping itch but it’s foolish to say that sakura doesn’t love sasuke period, she obviously does and she does deeply and she’s one of the closest people to him and always will be

Sasusaku gets tons of unfair hate just because of the long running anti Sakura meme, and it’s always been the scapegoat of the anti naruto ending crowd. But it’s silly to me because it makes sense that if sasuke doesn’t end with naruto, he would end with sakura

aside from naruto, his closest living person is sakura plain and simple. she’s done nothing but love him, maybe not as absolutely and unconditionally as naruto has, and maybe she did falter but it’s more than anyone else in the entire series(besides naruto) has and it’s more than he’s ever got from anyone else (besides naruto lol) so if sasunaru doesn’t happen why on earth would you be upset that the boy who was so deprived of love for his entire life ended up with this girl?

if not naruto, sakura is the best person for sasuke plain and simple because literally who else in the series (besides naruto) put up with all of his baggage for the entirety of the series, + she raised his child when he was MIA and sarada actually grew up to be a diligent and intelligent ninja. i ain’t even mad when people ship SS

sasuke has recognized all of this, too.

and has thanked sakura for all of the love she’s ever provided for him throughout the years, even when he was not himself and hurting her, she always just wanted him to be okay, and he appreciates it. so of course he married sakura, duh.

you cant even be threatened by their eye smex

because sasuke gives naruto bedroom eyes all day long

he gives a shit about sakura okay?!?! sakura gives a shit about him okay?!?! it’s okay to acknowledge that his canon marriage isn’t the devil while still realizing the objective superiority of your otp!!!!!

all of this can be summarized into, for some reason sasusaku threatens the sasunaru fandom and leads them into having bullshit mental gymnastic arguments against it for no real reason when....

the real monster of the series is naruhina.

act ii: naruheinous disgustus

NARUHINA IS THE WORST SHIP TO EVER COME OUT OF ANY SHOUNEN MANGA, OR ANY MANGA EVER EXCEPT MAYBE SOMETHING LIKE VAMPIRE KNIGHT. I said it.

sorry about coming off a little strong there, but i have a lot to say about this matter, and you know i’m for real when i have a lot to say about something that has so very little.

it seems to me like most sasunaru shippers don’t actually care about naruhina and just give it a free pass cuz it’s boring and she’s nice and cute and whatever

but naruhina is so much worse than sasusaku on every imaginable level

so, so much worse

because where sasusaku at least has friendship

naruhina has nothing

at least where sasusaku has care and chemistry

naruhina has a bland empty space

because hinata is a bland and empty character

[due to plot holes and retcon in the last and other filler, i will only be using kishimoto’s material for this post. but hey, since naruhina is canon only the author written material has to be enough, right? right....? please guys he ships our ship he made it canon i swear he planned everything to end with their epic moon(who sasuke) love story]

we get shown this when naruto gets introduced to hinata and his only impression of her is that she’s a weirdo

We get this when Naruto never ever noticed Hinata, while Sasuke was actively trying to cheer Sakura up

naruhina in part 1 has absolutely NO basis at all. it’s absolutely nonexistent from naruto’s side.

unfortunately... it remains that way.

this moment. this fucking moment is when it all started to go downhill. i mean, naruhina was always at the bottom but this is when it becomes apparent that the ship is never going to pick itself back up.

i’m not going to be one of the people who say that after naruto completely ignored her confession that she should just never think about him again and find a new guy, that’s unreasonable.

however,

naruto completely ignored her confession! in fact, i don’t even think he ignored it. i think it just never occured to him that he should even talk to her which is even sadder imo... sasuke, who is apparently the devil to sasuke, at least y’know... thanked her.

after this happened we never saw hinata’s reaction to this, her feelings on why naruto never replied to her, we never even see her doing anything outside of thinking about naruto/talking to naruto period unless it’s a fight in a flashback

it’s almost like hinata is an NPC in the naruverse programmed to react to anything naruto related and nothing else. you can definitely not say this about sakura, she has a defined personality. Hinata doesn’t.

don’t even understand how this

[sending her son to fight alone against an enemy of unknown strength and only telling him to... take care of naruto-kun]

could ever be favoured over this

sakura > hinata

sasusaku > naruhina

sasunaru shippers = dumb for hating on sasusaku and giving naruhina a free pass

#sasunaru #pro sasusaku #pro sakura #anti hinata #anti naruhina #some SASUSAKU POSITIVITY from a sasunaru eternalist #bc i hate how sasunaru fans are #SS is a god tier bond their romance is just lackluster #meta

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siberlius-moving · 5 years

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1x13 coda... of sorts

my writing of what should happen after. kylex cos they cute and someone has to appreciate alex’s fashion sense

also posted on ao3 lol

baby I can read your phases like the moon

Kyle hears about Max, then Maria and Michael, from Liz.

“Maria and Michael?” Kyle almost drops the stethoscope.

“Yea. They are into each other for awhile now,” Liz replies.

“I thought-“ Kyle stops himself. This is sensitive territory; he knows Alex, Liz and Maria are good friends, but he also knows that Alex shows parts of himself selectively to different people regardless of who they are.

She looks up and furrows her eyebrows, “You knew about Alex and Michael?”

“I work with them, especially Alex. Manes-Valenti stuff. Michael joined us for the Caulfield trip just a few days ago and I swear there was something between them - huh,” Kyle pauses, “the talk didn’t go well, I guess?”

“Mikey what have you done,” Liz groans. “Is Alex okay?”

“I haven’t met him yet. Now to think about it, he hasn’t replied my texts.”

Liz dials Alex’s number. Frowning, she calls him again. And again. And gives up. “He’s not picking up. Argh.”

“Maybe we should leave him alone for now. He hates talking about his personal life,”

“The last time he talked to me about his relationships was like ten years ago. And I didn’t even know it was about Michael until three days ago,”

“I’ll find him,” Kyle promises.

“I can come along-“

“I know you want to spend time with Max,” he interrupts gently, “and you should. Alex has changed a lot since high school, he’s not going to just open up especially about Michael.”

She sighs. “I want to be there for him,”

“It will be fine. I’ll check on him. Besides you have never lost out in a love triangle before,”

“What do you-oh,” Liz’s eyes widen, “Kyle, I-“

“It’s cool,” he says honestly, “I will always like you, Liz, but I am not in love with you anymore.”

She reaches for his hand.

“You are right. Tell Alex I will be there for him? When he is ready,” she pleads.

Kyle squeezes her fingers. “Of course.”

“Alex Manes drinking in a non-Wild Pony bar?” Kyle has his arms at his waist like he is talking to a patient who has made some terrible life decision like stuffing a kinder egg into their ass. He is tired from driving around. He checked the cabin first, the bunker, then begged his mum to help find Alex’s car.

“Cheers,” Alex picks up a non-empty shot glass, toasts it, and chugs the whiskey. Kyle can smell the alcohol on him. Alex’s tipsy, and resigned enough that he doesn’t bother questioning why Kyle is here.

Kyle stares suspiciously at the drink in Alex's hand. “How many did you have?”

“Not enough.”

Kyle sits next to him. “Liz and I are worried about you.”

“I’m fine.” Alex’s code for ‘I am not telling you shit’. Fair enough.

“I need to tell you something else though.”

“Shoot.”

Kyle winces. “Your dad was following me.”

At that, Alex stiffens. He straightens his back and takes a quick look around the bar.

“He isn’t following me now,” Kyle says, placing a hand on Alex’s shoulder, “I put him in a medically induced coma.”

Alex stares at him. Just as Kyle begins to feel unsettled under the weight of the stare, Alex giggles. Then he bursts into a loud, full bodied laughter that attracts curious looks from other patrons.

Kyle tightens his grip on Alex’s shoulder and tries to get Alex to look at him again. Alex brushes him off and waves one of the bartenders over.

“Get him the most expensive drink you have. It’s on me.”

Kyle worries his lips, and asks, “Are you okay?”

Alex retorts, “Of course I am.”

The drink comes. Kyle sips it. It’s warm and rich and sweet.

“This is good!”

Alex looks over curiously. “I’ve never tried.”

Then he uses Kyle’s hand as a handle, raises it to his lips and sips from the glass. The bottom of his lip grazes against Kyle’s finger. At this distance Kyle can see his eyelashes, the red flush of his cheeks.

Heat stirs and shoots straight down to his dick. Calm down, Kyle mentally scolds himself.

Alex licks the rim of the glass. He isn’t looking at Kyle though. He’s fluttering his eyelashes at the air, but at least three different sets of eyes are staring back at him, from interest to outright lust.

“You done showing off what you can do with your mouth?” Kyle says bluntly.

Alex sits back up, covers the slight embarrassment with a performative pout and a real threat hidden in heated gaze. “Listen, Valenti, I came here to be fucked. You better not be cockblocking me. I’m not leaving until I get someone who isn’t Michael to touch my dick!”

He’s doing this on purpose, being crude to make Kyle uncomfortable and scare him away. But Kyle went to med school and med school students are so desensitised to anatomical functions that Alex’s remarks are laughably entry-level. He placates, “Look, I completely understand the need to get laid, but do you want to talk?”

Alex narrows his eyes. “About what?”

“What happened,” Kyle presses. He is self aware enough to know that pushing for answers and not knowing when to stop is his worst trait, but in the time they spent together Alex has grown from annoyance to resignation and acceptance of Kyle’s worse habits. And egging tipsy Alex on occasionally leads to him adopting a botched valley girl accent and he gets more tactless and sarcastic than usual. It’s funny and Kyle loves that about him.

“I went to find Michael, and like I was honest. Pouring my heart out honest,”

“...Okay?”

“Then something alien came up, I guess it has to do with the weird lightning storm in Roswell. And Michael was like, okay meet me at the airstream tomorrow we’ll talk. So I went there and waited and he never showed. Next thing I know Maria and Michael are making out at the Wild Pony.”

What the hell. “I will punch him in the dick,” Kyle growls.

“Nah. It’s my fault. I was too late. And also he has mind powers so you are gonna lose. And don’t you dare report this to Liz. She shouldn’t feel like she has to take a side. Besides, they didn’t do anything wrong and I do deserve this.”

Kyle wants to convince Alex that he’s wrong. But Alex will simply shut him down and the conversation ends. Kyle makes a mental note to himself to make things difficult for Michael in small and petty ways when he sees him around.

“What happened to your phone?” Kyle asks, carefully running through a list of less tenuous topics in his head.

“Uh. Dumped it somewhere. It kept ringing and I was trying to listen to my high school mixtape.”

“It was probably the hospital about your dad, dude.”

“Well. Guess it’s not important.”

“Flint picked up so he’s at the hospital now. He probably called your other brothers.”

Alex grimaces. “Argh. The Manes family is back in town. I’m gonna lock myself in the cabin. You should too, just in case. Flint saw the two of us at Caulfield. He doesn’t think I am ballsy enough to do that to our father, so he’s gonna target you.”

“I am wearing a bulletproof vest.”

Alex snaps out the drunk fuck-all act, looking instantly sobered. “Wait. He shot you?”

Kyle shrugs.

“Jesus christ,” Alex runs his hands down Kyle’s chest, “you okay?”

“You know, the more you do this, the lower your chances of getting laid,”

“You got shot, Kyle! I care more about your safety. You can stay at the cabin - no one knows I live there.”

“Inviting me to move in with you, Manes?”

“If you aren’t comfortable, I can find another place to stay,” Alex says seriously.

“Chill, I’m joking-”

“This isn’t a joke! It’s important that you are safe - dad’s incapacitated but my brothers can be a threat too, even if they aren’t as difficult with dad no longer pulling their strings!” Alex’s gaze is intense. His fists are clenched and his knuckles are white. Kyle takes one of Alex’s hands and gently massages it, coaxing his fingers to relax.

“I am going to be fine. Both of us can deal with them together because we are in this together as partners. You and I aren’t defenceless,” Kyle soothes.

Alex breathes out. “We are gonna need a plan to deal with them.”

“And we can discuss it in your cabin.”

“Yea, we should.” Alex stands up. It’s almost like the past twenty minutes of conversation and drunkenness didn’t happen. Now that he is standing, it hits Kyle how good Alex looks. That leather jacket. The tight pants that shows off his thighs and ass. The v-neck shirt that tempts his collarbones.

Bite him!

Kyle gulps the remaining of his drink before he follows Alex out.

Kyle drives them to the cabin.

“You switch gears really fast,” he comments, as Alex dumps his jacket on the table.

“Had to be in the army. I’m still gonna be mad at you for cockblocking once we are free from the alien nonsense.”

“You do look really good today,” Kyle blurts out. Alex doesn’t catch the flirtation at all. He drops himself at the couch and removes his prosthetic.

“Would have dressed better if I found out dear old pops is almost dead,” Alex stills, and looks at Kyle guiltily, “I’m sorry,”

Kyle joins him at the couch. “Nah it’s fine. He did fucking shoot me.”

“I won’t take it personally if you pulled the plug, though I know you won’t do it.”

Kyle looks up in surprise, “How do you?”

“Because you are a good person. And you live by a good code. I know I am safe with you because you honour that code,” Alex replies easily.

Shit. Kyle realises. He’s in love. With Alex.

“You are a good person too, you know,” Kyle says. His voice is shaky from the epiphany.

“Michael can’t look at me without seeing what my father did to him. And he isn’t wrong. I know what my father is capable of. And I am so afraid that-“ Alex covers his face with his hands.

“You aren’t your father,”

“Mimi says I have the same energy as him, what if I am corrupted like dad and I-“

“Alex, look at me,” Kyle pries Alex’s hands away, replaces them with his own, “you are never going to be father, you know why? Because you love. And people love you. You think you don’t deserve this love, but you do. And it will always be this love that will never make you your father.”

Alex’s eyes are wet. A stray tear falls and trails down his cheek. Kyle wipes it away with his thumb.

Alex kisses him, backs off as soon as he does. “Shit. I’m sorry. I just-“

“It’s ok,” Kyle says, “it’s okay if you just want to use me as a rebound,”

“Are you offering to have sex with me?”

Kyle raises an eyebrow, “Yes?”

Alex pushes him down onto the sofa and straddles him.

Just as Kyle prepares to kiss him properly, Alex whips a gun from behind the cushion and points it at him.

“Jesus!”

“Who are you and what have you done to Kyle?” Alex demands.

“I am Kyle! I swear!“

“The Kyle I know isn’t interested in guys,” Alex hisses.

In the face of a loaded gun, Kyle is calm. He knows Alex won’t hurt him, knows that this is something only he can fix. He says quietly, surely, “The Kyle you knew in high school, didn’t realise that about himself. The Kyle you knew then was a dick who wanted to be popular and he did the worst thing he could do to his best friend. The Kyle you know now has grown since and found out in college that men are really fun in bed and he has missed out because he was busy being bigoted. He is also very sorry for what he has done and he will aways try to make it up to you.”

Alex lets out the air he has been holding and shoves the gun back into the sofa. Kyle pulls him down and holds him against his chest.

“You weren’t going to shoot me. The safety was still on.”

“I fucked up,” Alex mumbles into his shirt.

“I contributed,” Kyle replies, stroking Alex’s hair, “do you really hide weapons all around the house?”

Alex nods, “I’ll show you around, where they are at.”

“Are you gonna pull out other moves?“

“I don’t want you to have sex with me because you feel sorry for me.”

“I don’t feel sorry for you. I am upset for you. I am also very turned on because you are on top of me and you whipping the gun out did things to my dick. So. Is it a cold shower or -“

“I don’t want you to be a rebound. I actually uh -“

“Uh huh?”

“I do like you. You know? Like more than friends.”

Kyle’s heart soars.

“So do I,” Kyle readily admits, “and we are adults. Adulting means we can have sex with people we find really hot. And we can talk about what we mean to each other too.”

“Okay,” Alex braces himself over Kyle, “I think you are hot, and that you are important to me. If we are having sex it’s not because I’m using you as a rebound. It’s something more.”

Kyle says, “It’s something more for me too. And f-y-i, I wanted to jump you since I saw you at the bar.”

Alex lunges forward. The kiss is intense when both of them reciprocate. Kyle curls the hand in Alex’s hair and he gets soft moans into his mouth in return.

He wants Alex, Kyle realises. Not just when he is sad and angry and there’s alcohol in both their breaths. Not just when they are stuck together by some bizarre family legacies they didn’t choose to have. Kyle wants Alex and he wants Alex to want him back.

Alex rolls his hips down and Kyle gasps. “You are thinking too much,” he shivers when Alex whispers that in his ear, trembles when Alex gently bites the lobe, “focus on me.”

Yes, yes. They will have time to talk about it. Right now he is so turned on it hurts and he wants to make Alex scream his name. Kyle pushes himself up with one hand and guides Alex closer, so that he can sit comfortably on his lap.

“Can I get a real life performance of what you were doing to that glass in the bar?” Kyle asks breathily, after pressing kisses to Alex’s cheeks, the sides of his lips, his neck.

Alex smirks. “I am already gonna.”

#kylex #my writing #roswell new mexico #kyle valenti #alex manes

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survivormanhattanbeach · 5 years

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Episode 1: “...too early to be shady?”-Ryan

There....are so many men and I'm overwhelmed. Also Keaton shading me during his intro is a whole ass mood

I’m so excited to be playing with majority of this cast... too early to be shady?

Oooooooofffff what the hell did I just get myself into. Julian’s here. He always finds some fucking way i swear to god... and then there’s Keaton who i pissed off in a prior BB game... which literally ended like 3 days ago for me.... and then i ahve Andreas form Kuang Si and Billy from IdlM.... what the fuck is wrong with my life right now I mean...... i’ll figure this out, let me stop having a heart attack right now

I am SO OVERWHELMED right now! All these messages from people that I think hate me, this is going to be fun! As of right now I'm most nervous about Sarah because I LOVE talking to her, she's so easy to talk to but we always do each other wrong and have never made it far together in anything SO yeah. I'm really hoping that I get on a tribe where I connect with a majority and/or two of them don't like each other so I'm not the first to go! I guess it's time to now... go and be social haha!

When did talking to people become so hard??? Idk if it's because I've been away kind of for awhile and not talking to people but I feel like I'm the most boring person in the world AHHH. Hopefully things get better soon. I'm about to ignore that annoying red number two by the skype icon and play the game for a bit to maybe give me something to talk about with these people!!

http://atleastyoumadejury.tumblr.com/post/182902334923 That’s me in this challenge.

First night = first opinions! Let's go. -called isaac immediately to form a bond with him. He seems super stoked to have me in the season and we agreed to form a f2 deal. Honestly he is funny, adorable and iconic so I am not mad if I go to f2 with him. I will be loyal to him as long as I know he is loyal to me -mark is very social and I know he uses this to his advantage. Every cute thing he is saying, he is definitely saying to the other players -I can easily bond with basically everyone on this season so I feel like this is going somewhere. I can tell ppl are liking me so honestly I am fucking excited to play --went on a one world call with ryan, tom, madison, dani, isaac and myself and they are cool af. I know ryan and tom used to work together from the beginning of mykonos so I am kinda scared they are a definite power duo. Tom has already proven to be a good player in terms of strength and I can tell hes strategic. I REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE HIS #1 SO I WILL WORK ON IT. fuck I need to get on his good side to get far. i can tell. I just dont want him to screw me over - Junior is playing and I guess he is the shadiest person in the game? SO I will be on the lookout for that. -Ruthie needs to leave. -Keaton hates madison so I can use that to my advantage somehow ? well see. -I am going to continue to talk and be social but honestly I dont want to give away too much. Im back after a year so I hope I can go far this time. Fingers crossed

I’ve smelled some fake shit before, but nothing quite as fake as Ryan trying to squash the beef with me. I’m flutter my lashes and play stupid for a while, but in all honesty, I want him gone as early as possible. I don’t trust him, at all. Also, Dan is sneaky as fuck. So I don’t trust him either. Plus I’ve hosted him and I know he’s only in it for himself. He’s vote himself out if it meant he’d win the game. But then there’s Mark, who has played with and been burned by both Ryan and Dan. Between the three of them I’m just not feeling him. I don’t want to be his demise, but I wouldn’t be sad to use him to kill the other two then dump him before he gets farther than me. Kill three birds with Mark’s stone. As for y’all hosts, thanks for dumping me with Madison, Joey and Keaton. Who will keep me around just as a number. They think I’m stupid and I have no idea what I’m doing. Same goes with Brandon. Like I love “OH MY GOD HEWWO”ing my friends. Another main, another season where I’ll just do whatever I can to make it far. Here’s to a good season.

VL Confessional: This is my greatest chance to FINALLY make an impact on Tumblr Survivor. The minute I was casted, my ranking average went up. What I want to do this season is to take advantage of the time that I have. I want to do well, I want to finally prove how good I CAN be. This is my opportunity to bond with a ton of other players, and I’m READY FOR IT. My mood rn: https://youtu.be/roJ5NSfmxvs

I feel like this game is lowkey a test of Madison and I’s relationship...

VL CONFESSIONAL I’m sitting here on my couch watching the TV They’re picking all the numbers of my favorite lottery I am so excited when fortune calls I’ve never been so happy with someone picking my balls.

Oh god, I shouldn't write any of those weird and unsettling oneliners that I have in mind right now, so.... Hello! Just hello! I'm back for another Tumblr Survivor fun time and I have no idea what to expect from myself for this season. Will I have motivation? HELL YEAH! Will I have the time to back it up? NOPE!!! So... let's start with a little cast assessment, shall we? I already know that I am lucky to have LUCY around, because I know her from another community. That being said, she is a great player, so if she is active this time around, she'll definitely make it further than last time... So far though, it doesn't look like that... :sadface: I am also THRILLED to see RUTHIE playing. I love her, and we only got to play once (in a BB game that ended after 2 weeks) and I happy to see her and I really hope we can work together this season!!! I have mixed feelings about MARK and BRANDAN rn, because I've played in TS with them previously. I pissed off Brandan a lot in Kuang Si when I told him that I wanted him out. I hope he's gotten over that, but I feel like he's not the type of person to forget. But I think he'll be willing to give playing with me another try, but he'll keep me on a short leash. Mark, I voted off in Flops, and then I flipped him to vote for me in the worst FTC of TS history. But the guy is strongheaded and idk how well I can work with that. I've had great conversations with TOM and KEVIN and I feel like they're people I can talk to a lot more, and maybe build a relationship with. I had some decent chats with SARAH, DANIELLE, ISAAC and MADISON. I can't place them yet, but I think I can get along with them. I got off the wrong foot with ISAIAH and RYAN a little, but they seem fun and I can see myself working with them in the future. Or maybe I am just imagining things here? Who knows.... KEATON, JOEY and BILLY, I tried talking to, but I am really not sure yet if we're on the same wavelength. But they seem active enough and open, and it's not even been a day yet. ;) JUNIOR, DAN, JAKE and JULIAN, I haven't spoken with at all so far. rip? --- Let me tell you that I really like it being 4 Tribes of 5 to start the season off (at least that's what it looks like). I don't care too much about being a top-placing player here. I don't think I'd be immediately at the bottom right off the bat, so I don't need that unneccessary potential challenge threat target right away. I think I've spoken to enough people and got a little bit of that Andreas personality across, so I at least have a foot in peoples doors, you know? Let's see how things shake up! I am confident for starters, but that's the point of it, isn't it?

I’ve only talked game with a few people which kinda scares me. I also think a lot of this cast has previous relationships and I only know like 2 people. I love Isaac, Jake, Ryan, and Mark. I need to start socializing more.

hellurrrrr we're back and better than ever! first tumblr org since like... July so I'm feeling pretty rusty. Thankfully I have a couple familiar faces in this cast so I'm not too nervous. I was pretty excited to see Dani cast... we literally went to middle school together LOL. I want to keep that a secret, but Joey already knows because Dani has her location set to my city UGH. So now I gotta hope that Joey doesn't blow that cover. I know Kevin from Zwooper but idk how loyal he actually will be to me. I know Dan, Ruthie, Isaac and Madison from previous games but I don't think we worked well together in them so whoops. RYAN is here which I'm excited for. I want to work with him, he seems sweet. I also know Sarah because she made Eddie cry so I already love ha. But Eddie told me she's crazy in games so maybe I should tread carefull with her for now. I think everyone else is a fresh face to me? So this should be interesting. Half of them haven't even added me yet though so they need to step their pussies up. I'm here to win since that's the only placement I could get that will beat my last placement LOL. But I'm not trying to let an ORG make me go cray cray like Crossroads did... but it probably will <3

Ok, so. This whole picking tribes thing, has just got to go. I have multiple people telling me they are putting me first and although I love being first for once, this might not be the best thing for my game. If a random person I haven’t played with picks me, that looks shady. If one of my MANY previous allies picks me, that looks shady. Oh and there’s that thing where Billy and I squashed beef, and hopefully that can stay because I don’t need a giant target on my back for billy being my only enemy in all of the games I’ve ever played. If this tribe swap is 4 tribes of 5 then I need to make sure my people pick wisely and make sure that they have the 3 they need to keep a majority. The only issue with that, is I’m essentially in the middle of 5 groups: Mykonos, Bermuda, Unova (Pacific Island), Guyana, and then anyone I haven’t played. Take the union of those sets and you have the entire cast Manhattan Beach (yes I did just use math language, no I am not ashamed).

Imma make Jake think im his bitch. “Oh Jake, ill vote out my best friend, and someone who I respect as a host to boost your ego!”

Alright, Day 1 is nearing its end and I've made some progress I feel? So to get right to it: I've spoken a bunch with Danielle and Kevin and they've spoken a lot with each other too, so we're trying to get together on a tribe of 3. The plan right now is to hopefully get one of us in the top 4 (me), I pick Kevin, Kevin picks Danielle, and we've got an easy majority if it's tribes of 5. Now, we don't know if we actually split up in 4 of 5, or 2 of 10, or 4 of 5 but we have Tribal Councils with 2 tribes together. It's impossible to call right now. As a small addition to my first confessional, some final cast assessments: JUNIOR: A very friendly guy. I feel like he's genuine, but he's definitely VERY friendly, and I am not used to that level of friendliness in TS. But I think we good rn DAN: We spoke about Germany and that's about it. We have a little basis. JAKE: We spoke a little about politics, so at least we spoke and have a basis. Not much more than that. JULIAN: Dude... you seem so nice, but you are giving off no confidence in yourself. I don't have much more to say than that right now. I fear that he'll be used as a number by someone rn --- I got some good chats with KEATON and ISAAC going. And that's about it! I hope that I get put on a tribe with KEVIN, DANI, LUCY, RUTHIE, TOM, KEATON... and maybe SARAH. Just bring on the tribes, so I can finally start playing this game. One World is too big for me.

I'm pretty confident with my score for this challenge, I think it's enough to at least show my future tribe that I can do my part in the challenges, and hopefully I get somewhat of a say in who will be on my tribe. For my social game, I'm definitely planning to use me being the first boot on Guyana to my advantage. I've heard from Andreas and checked a bit as well that there's some fierce competition in this cast, and I think I can slide by for quite a while as long as I make some good connections. I know Dani, Andreas and Ryan from outside of this season, and those will be some people I could rely on from the beginning (not sure about Ryan though for that one since we don't know each other that well). Also I don't know what it is about Ruthie, but she seems so sweet and I'd love to get to work with her further down the line.

I love my tribe so much! It is PERFECT! Literally they are all people that I've talked to since the game started and I don't have any issues with any of them. I'm really glad especially that Andreas is on my team and I think that all in all we will have a strong tribe going forward! I don't want to get too cocky but I do feel confident in my position on this tribe! Nowwww if only we can win and stay away from tribal council!

Honestly, what is wrong with me? Another main season and it's One World? Negative. This is how I will die. I would rather eat glass than have to fucking message 25 people I don't care about. On another note, I love my tribe high key. Aesthetically, we're a really great looking tribe. We could all be models tbh. We all get along really well so if we go to tribal, I'll probably just tell everyone to vote me out, for my mental health and theirs hahahaha save them the trouble. Nah, jk I'll fight, but I don't want to think about like voting any of them out? I def feel closest to Mark, but I really enjoy Dani and Ryan's banter. Junior is so cute too ugh haha. I'm just happy I'm not with the other ugly asses on other tribes

ugh i hate doing these things but im gonna try and be better if i flop this season im deleting skype tbh. This cast is going to give me a solid chance to go deep i feel like. Ryan Billy Dan all want to be my F2, madison is close with me, dani and sarah have both expressed interest in going deep together tribes were picked and holy frick is this tribe incredible. Ryan and Dan and Dani all were in my top 5 of who i wanted to be in a tribe with and junior is actually dope as fuck. i just hope we dont lose and have to vote someone out. especially the first round bc junior is safe so id have to decide between dan dani and ryan and id probably self vote if that was the case

So now I’m like 200% not even gonna try to work with Mark or Dan or Ryan. They’re all on the same tribe. Which means they’re gonna make a final three and that’s something I don’t want to be anywhere near. That’s a dumpster fire that I do not want to be a part of. What sucks even more is, Mark told me I was number one of his list. But Dan was picked by him before I was. So clearly he lied to me. But to add insult to injury, I was picked last for a tribe. So I was literally no one’s number 1. So that sucks, a lot. I guess that’s a fun way to start the season. “Way to go! No one likes you enough to be your #1!” Always a bridesmaid, never the bride. It just makes me have the “anyone but me” mindset even more than I already have.

Hello new tribe. I am content with the outcome. On one hand, it sucks that I ended in 5th or 6th place, but on the other hand, the draft was rather revealing. I planned to pick KEVIN while he picks DANI, but Dani is soo fucking popular, that she was the absolute first pick - and then she picked Ryan over both Kevin and I. That definitely alerts me, but oh well, I don't blame her or anyone, she's lovely. I am happy that I wasn't the last pick of my tribe, because that would have sucked a lot. Instead, I get to be around BRANDAN, who I actually want to work together with for the time being. RUTHIE picked me, which I am really grateful for, but there is no guaranteed to know how far up I actually was on her list, but at least 6 others were behind me. Now I picked LUCY. Which is a good thing. She rocks at challenges. But she's definitely on the bottom of the totem pole here. I would prefer to vote out JULIAN first if we ever go to TC as this tribe, but for that, Ruthie needs to like Lucy more than the guy who picked her... Either way, let's win challenges somehow and not worry about that. The people I care for should be okay..? Dani will be safe. JUNIOR will be safe by default. Orange tribe will be fun to watch, because I care about everyone but BILLY on there (sorry honey). I am actually scared for my #1 Kevin rn, because JOEY and MADISON are together, which is scary, and neither of them picked him... So he could go first :( Either way, I need to stay on Brandans good side and I need to build up a strong bond with Ruthie, so I can keep Lucy around...

VL CONFESSIONAL HOLY MOTHER OF GOD NVGHHYGCSZAAAWSDDXF I’M SAFEEEEEEEEEE. I’m honestly so happy about it. I gave it my all and I’m honestly shook. And then I realized Madison and I are on the same tribe... Welcome to the plotline of the season.

I have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair

VL CONFESSIONAL So yeah for this challenge [email protected] is taken. Fun.

I'm not really sure how I stand with my tribe. Currently my main connection is Andreas, but I know I can't just rely on him. He was picked before I was and he could easily just let me go if I'm in the way of him getting to the first tribe swap. We seem to be doing well in the challenge, and I hope we do win. I personally at least kind of feel like the outsider, and I don't know the connections the others have with one another, so hopefully this gives me time to build a connection with them before we go to tribal.

alright so first off, fuck y’all for giving us this challenge. you’re gonna make me sit here all day reblogging a post because i’m competitive, but we’re probably going to lose because my tribe sucks. like i was the only one doing it for 2 hours. kill me. let’s talk about my tribe real quick. i think kevin is genuinely with me with is good. but when i got put on this tribe, dan messaged me saying that joey, madison, and isaiah are a friend group. i knew that joey and madison were “dating”, but the isaiah thing worries me because if it’s true, then um they have the majority. i’m trying to stay close with joey too since we played zwooper together before. i just really need to bank that him and Kevin would stick with me over the others if we go to tribal. um but i wish i was on a tribe with my same city sister, dani, or with Ryan. let me just say something about Ryan... yo why he gotta do me like this? when i saw ryan in this cast i thought omg that’s the cute ryan but he probably won’t pay me much attention... flash forward to last night when we ditched the main call to call one on one and basically called all night. ummm, are we about to have a survivor showmance? probably not, boys like to ghost me all the time so i don’t expect much but that boy is about to have me WHIPPED i just know it. anyways let’s hope i don’t lose the first challenge because i literally ALWAYS go to tribal first in orgs

YAY! My tribe pulled out a win. I wish we would have gotten an idol clue but a win is a win and I will take it!! In all honesty it seems like Brandan, Andreas and I did all the work, but maybe Julian and Lucy did things too and just weren't... vocal about it. Lucy has talked to me one on one a bit but I don't know if she knows what she's doing haha. As for Julian, I really like him but he's been SO quiet, not talking in the tribe chat and not being very talkative via PM so we'll see. Right now I feel the closest with Brandan and Andreas and I hope that the three of us can maybe form some kind of alliance. I really hope that Kevin and Jake will be safe! I like Madison and Isasiah (I spent five minutes trying to remember how to spell that name and I still can't get it GRR) but I haven't talked to them as much as the others. I guess we'll see what happens haha!

so julian can talk in the one world but not our tribe chat... interesting... although i can't talk. i BARELY ever talk in the one world aSLFJLSF

Well we came in first for the first challenge! I tried sooooo hard and I have never reblogged so much in my entire life. The tribe that came in last has two of my allies on it and I’m pretty sure they are in the minority. Madison, joey, and isiah have an alliance apparently. But Jake did tell me that Joey came to him and wanted to get Isaiah out. I really hope he isn’t fucking with him because I need Jake and Kevin to stay in the game!! So far I really love my tribe. I wouldn’t even know who to get rid of if it came down to it. I think Dans the least person I’ve talked to on my tribe. I should probably keep talking to people who aren’t on my tribe aside from jake/Kevin/Tom/Sarah. And I should probably start talking strategy but I like where I am so far social wise.

My tribe is so fucking united it’s scary. We all just gel really well and literally called for an obscene amount of time this weekend. I really love Dani, we haven’t connected too much in pms yet, but she gives off such good vibes. I feel like she’s definitely a social threat, but maybe by aligning with her she can bring up my social game a little. I desperately need to talk to more than just my tribe mates, but honestly the only other person who attempts to talk to me is Tom, and he’s just kind of forward and weird. Like he asked to share idol clues and I was like....okay sis out of the blue. Idk just seems kinda shady. Pennekamp, or as I like to call them Pasta tribe, losing is honestly my kink. I really hope that someone from the friend group goes home, but honestly it might be Jake or Kevin going. Madison and Joey are for sure an alliance bc of hos22, and then I know Isaiah is friends with Madison bc she was talking about him on call one day in another game, so. Let’s hope one of them flips and one of those 3 gets the damn boot.

Being on the Robinson Riptides tribe is lit af. Why? Mark and I are on the same tribe, so I have my number one, and then Dani picked me and I know she is a close ally as well. Plus now that we won the first challenge, Junior does not have immunity in the next round and in the event we go to tribal next round, he would be my first target on our tribe. I like Dan, but def not someone I want to take deep in the game, seems like a large threat. Who knows, could easily use him for a number. Also, I love Tom. I am so happy he is back with me in this game after playing in Mykonos. I don't think people understand how close we are, and I want to down play that as much as possible. He is my secret go to persona and I'm going to keep that hush hush for now. We are trying to get our sides to merge into an alliance while the one world business is still going on. Goal: Tom gets Sarah to want to make a chat with either myself, Dani, or Mark. And if this happens, then we have five people with great connections outside but also people I would want to work with for this portion of the game. Also, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THIS IDOL CLUE BEING USELESS AF? CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN? LIKE ACTUALLY EXPLAIN? HOW IS THIS CLUE SUPPOSE TO HELP ME? CUZ IT DOES NOT!

Yay, Immunity. The Pacific Panthers are so boring as a tribe. The chat is dead. Is it because of timezones? Is it because of age diversity? This tribe has it all! Lucy is still new to TS, Ruthie is busy most of the time when I'm around. Brandan and I don't mean too well rn.... And Julian? He is wearing Harry Potter's Cloak of Invisibility! Either way, I hope Kevin survives F20 TC, as he is a valuable pawn and friend to me already. I'd expect Isaiah to go here, even if Madison might be the smartest move, but it's too early for big moves I feel. See ya next round!

Okay this game is NOT back to basics Johnny, it's back to hell. Schoolyard pick tribes, messy players, ONE WORLD, it's just an absolute cluster truck. I'm doing well for myself though. Getting 4th gave me the opportunity to set myself up well with Sarah and getting lucky with Billy should make me safe on this small tribe for awhile. How I'm not happy to see Madison here though. I'm afraid there's going to be a gun pointed at me by her the entire time, so I'm thinking I'll be forced to go after her before anyone else when given the opportunity. I just have to keep conversation high, keep game level talk at a medium, and eventually get taken out by an idol/twist

https://youtu.be/wpsiisk5lQQ

So big surprise, I'm going to tribal first. Joey is getting on my nerves idk why he even signs up for these games if he's always working but anyways. He's safe so I have to play the role of the devoted housewife to save face. As of now the vote is on Isaiah which sucks because he is definitely an ally for me, but at the end of the day our tribe and the game in general needs strength and commitment. Ugh why must my tribe be so iconic.

OK SOOOOOOO Basically my paranoid ass has convinced myself I’m going home already, but let me walk you through why SO Isaiah is just super inactive, not to the point where he is NEVER here but just considerably less when comparing him to myself or others and so me jake Madison and joey all talked among ourselves and in various 1 on 1 and came to the conclusion we are voting him out, ALLEGEDLY! but ever since this tribe started the rumor of Madison Joey and Isaiah being friends has been brought up SO many times so that is just engrained in my head, now I’m probably over thinking this part but it makes sense to me, if Isaiah purposefully was being less responsive to provoke the instinct in me and Jake to vote him out, perhaps he has an idol or perhaps he is just fine being the decoy vote among the three and it helps that friend group manage the votes if they know who/how we are voting and it makes me and jake feel “safe” which could lead to the not playing of an idol SHOULD either of us have one and get suspicious. THEN after we have this “set” plan I guess Isaiah told Madison that he was voting for Jake, and Madison told him to continue the lie of being open and honest to the 2 of us so we don’t suspect anything, now if he WERE voting Jake and Jake had an idol I think he’d be impulsive and paranoid (like me) enough to play it and THEN those 3 would in all actuality be voting me, leaving me defenseless and alone, flushing Jakes non-existent idol (it exists theoretically though) and then I go home first boot 3-2. So yeah I don’t feel good but I’ll never feel good I also just scarfed down from chick fil a and now I have to poop. Anyways I will be casting my vote was Isaiah later tonight because that is the only move I can make and pray that my show watching, self loathing attitude has made such a positive impact on Madison and Joey that they want to keep me around ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

apparently isaiah wants to vote me out after being inactive for 2 days... bitch suck my taint. everyone else says they're voting isaiah so umm fingers crossed?? a bitch is nervous af regardless bc i will cry if i flop and get 20th

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weapon13whitefang · 5 years

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So lets call this “Part II” of the “I was tagged by @im-immortal to share my WIPs” and the last list was the “these are in a file and I need to get at them” and this is the “I started posting these then stopped” list... And a little explanation of why I stopped for some.

1.] Baby, I Want You Back [Guardians of the Galaxy] - A human!Yondu and Meredith Quill fic that I know a lot of people were interested in me writing. I myself was very excited about it. So I started writing it out and had a few chapters done before I eventually just kind of died down in interest / ran out of motivation... Also I want this fic to be as authentic to the time period as possible so I have a lot of research I'm doing for thee 70s and 80s since I wasn't around at that time and only know the basic shit, ya know?

2.] The Mark [The Walking Dead] - A soulmate AU featuring Daryl and Beth and Shawn Greene and how one handles and feels about having a soul mark that’s supposed to “tie you” to someone that is supposed to be “perfect” for you... Or is it all just bullshit? That’s the discovery here. I always read these soulmate AUs where once the soulmates find each other, everything is all sweet and good. Which is fine and I love it... But I wanted to try a different route. I still know what I want for this fic just now how to go on with it...

3.] But, Oh, Those Summer Nights [The Walking Dead] - Crossover of Bethyl meets Grease... Really that’s it. I just wanted to mix Grease with Beth and Daryl. Obviously I’m taking some personal liberties with it but yeah, that’s what I wanted to do... I just kinda paused and wrote myself into a corner I’m trying to wiggle out of. Cause I know the movie/play like the back of my hand... Now to remake it and get it not stupid. Because Obviously Drayl isn’t exactly like Danny so I can’t make him completly Mr. Smooth... But I have the next chapter started just need to... Push. Ya know?

4.] Dizzy With a Canary [The Walking Dead] - Merle/Beth 1930s gangster AU that I was inspired to do after listening to a lot of old rat pack music and from reading the Lackadaisy comics and from reading a book on the last 100 years of my city and seeing all the cool stuff from the 20s and 30s in it... Plus I just like the whole Roaring 20s/30s gangster era and the prohibition act and flapper girls and I was so inspired... But now I’m not sure how I want to go with Beth and Merle and how to lead up to their relationship without it being rushed.

5.] In The Air [The Walking Dead] - This is a Brickyl Werewolf piece that every day I swear I get a message asking when I’m gonna continue and guys I’m so sorry I’m trying I really am... I just can not get the next chapter to feel right at all and it’s bugging the fuck out of me... So I’ve been rereading a lot of werewolf literature and fanfics again so hopefully it helps... Ahhhh!

6.] Gotta Get Underground [The Walking Dead] - Labyrinth meets Bethyl with my own twist that I really wanna play on some of the myths of Oberon and humans and faes as well but that’s a lot of research I’m dealing with so forgive those that actually are into this piece...

7.] Of Angels and Crusaders [The Walking Dead/The Boondock Saints] - This MacManus/Beth piece has done a 180 for how I had planned it out so that’s literally the main reason I haven’t updated... That and my writing style has changed a bit and I needed a break from The Boondock Saints for awhile and just didn’t want to hate this piece because it’s actual;ly my baby and I want to do it justice!

8.] Through The Years [Casper] - Yes a Casper fic staring Kat growing up through the years and undigging the mystery that is Caspers past - including his relation to his Uncles and their past and mixing in a bit of a tense attraction between a ghost and human. Still one of my favorite pieces I started and really want to finish.

And there’s me dragging myself for all the actual pieces I’ve posted and that people want me to finish... I won’t tag anyone here.. I’m just gonna go hide my head in a hole in shame lol!

#the walking dead #tagged #WIP #WIPs #fanfiction #writing #shame lol

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theperfectblonde · 2 years

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LONG af post… sorry to any followers who have a bit of a scroll to ignore if I end up on your dash lol my thoughts got out of control with this entry 😅💖

I’m still trying to build up enough foundation strength to do a proper core workout, but over the last two months I’ve been practicing doing crunches, single leg lifts, flutter kicks and scissors (only raised legs, can’t even go down to knee height when I’m laying down though lmao), heel touches, Russian twists, and today I even tried a plank that I was able to do for about 30s before it activated a weird pain I’ve always had in my ribs that stops me from doing it normally (maybe I should go to the doctor and ask about that lmfao; it only ever hurts when I do planks though???). I can never do anything weighted and I have to modify the modified version of a lot of these exercises lol, but I can honestly say that I’m able to do these exercises for longer without them feeling as strenuous, and it’s given me the strength to try new moves! Plus I’ve been able to do way more reps of them now than when I first started. I remember when I’d max out at like, 20 crunches, but now I’ve done around 75 before I have to rest! And I don’t see a huge difference, but I feel like there are days where my stomach doesn’t seem as big and where my sides seem slimmer. I’m trying to do core every other day, and it’s my weakest area so I hate it lmfao but I swear since I’ve started being able to do leg lifts in the last week (yay! Honestly huge win for me, I haven’t been able to do leg lifts in a few years) that I look slimmer in the torso, even though I can do MAXIMUM 10 at a time and that’s always at the beginning of my workout when I’m at my freshest lmfao and then like 30 total. So not a lot atm but even so I really do think that leg lifts are an effective exercise.

And a lot of times I feel like I haven’t made progress, but YET AGAIN I updated my personal weight loss journal and realized that my trends over time have STILL been at least 1.5-2lbs/week on average. I went from only being able to do 6 reps with 15lb weights to being able to do 10-12 on a good day (which means I’m probably going to be able to move up soon! But I only have 20lb weights next so reps are gonna be much smaller for awhile lmfao 😬). I feel like now that I don’t do arms every other day that they look a little flabbier, but it’s so hard to work out EVERY single thing, every single day. So if I want to focus on growing a booty and a slimmer waist, then I gotta suffer somewhere lol. I think because my diet has mostly been carbs and it’s been lacking veggies and cardio that it makes sense for me to do a lot of strength building workouts though. I did do a cardio workout (aka jumping jacks, high knees, etc.) for the first time in at least 3 weeks today (couldn’t bc of whiplash and flu which was 3-4 weeks ago), but it’s hard to do with people home in a yoga mat sized space on the daily anyhow lol. Plus I feel like when I eat more energy, it’s put to better use with strength stuff than it would be doing a cardio workout just to burn it off. Yeah idk if that makes sense, I’m not tracking things daily so I’m just trying to figure out how my body feels and what happens when I do certain stuff. And since I’ve only been “tracking” what my body can do physically, I find that when I have more energy then I’ve been able to increase my reps and sets! So until I can eat and exercise like I used to, then I think this is the new routine that I need to follow, which is going to make weight loss slower because I’ll also be gaining muscle, but overall will still reach my goals. After all “progress is progress no matter how small” 🙃

I also think my diet right now has me eating in maintenance or slightly over, and that’s why losing weight has been hard for me because I’m not doing it in a calorie deficit way. I think I learned though that sodium DEFINITELY makes me bloat (rip takeout deep fried pickles lmao) and that I absolutely have to have a 40 minute daily workout to offset everything. I fucking hate being an endomorph lmao like our bodies are so efficient for survival but as soon as it comes to beauty standards it’s the opposite 😂 it seems like I can bounce back from one “bad” day, and can take a rest day, but I have to eat practically nothing if I want to maintain. I know that that’s my ED brain doing it to myself to “fix” what I see as “over eating”, even if it probably isn’t by that much. But at the same time I *know* that if I don’t workout and/or restrict that I will literally gain weight lol. Especially if I have a “binge”… but even then, my stomach size isn’t what it used to be, and I feel like I physically can’t fit as much food in me as I used to, and the foods I used to binge on really aren’t as satisfying as they used to be when I had a true binge. And even when I find myself wanting to gorge on food, I’ve gotten better at drinking water first, waiting it out, having a snack before I order takeout lol, or portioning out a large but not truly binge worthy size if it does get to a point where I feel that I really can’t stop myself. And even then, I don’t get ravenous about it, I genuinely consciously try to slow down my eating, because I know if I’m eating that much that I better fucking enjoy it lmfao. And if I do binge, then I try not to eat for as long as possible afterwards. But in these last 7 months since I started now, I’ve never binged for all 3 meals a day, it’s usually only been one. The only problem I’ve *maybe* been having with food consistently is that my sleep schedule has been messed up since the flu and car crash, so I can’t technically cut myself off of food before bedtime because I don’t have one, so I can’t weigh myself in the morning because I only track my weights naked with an empty stomach. And I know I’m still healing so I try to just have a small snack, but honestly if I need something more then I eat it! Which I KNOW is good for my body, but my ED thoughts feel so guilty about it because it feels “wrong”. So idk a few learning curves, but for the most part have it under control. I’ve noticed that my hunger hormones must be waaay off the charts lately though, cause I’m hungry all the time!! Like want to binge at every meal hungry! I think it’s because food is so inherently related to trauma just in general but also for me personally, so it’s definitely been a daily struggle especially this last month, but again trying to make that work for me by offsetting it with strength training.

I’ve been trying to do a good 20-40 minute stretch after every workout as part of my routine, and while I slip sometimes I’ve been at least doing it more consistently so hopefully I can keep it up and it will become part of my workout again! I’ve noticed that my stretches are definitely deeper, plus it helps my muscles and adds extra calorie burning and strength building to the end of every workout even though it’s a recovery thing so that’s a bonus! Especially now that I’m currently not working or walking everyday.

Overall, the things I struggle most with are also the things I’m getting better at. Big journal entries like this help me remember that, and scrolling through them on my own blog helps me to see the progress I’ve made in all areas. And currently, I’m the best I’ve ever been! I know it’s an awkward limbo area given my circumstances so maybe this is a lofty goal, and ESPECIALLY considering that Christmas is right around the corner, but my goals for the next two weeks are to be under 160lbs by Christmas, and under 159lbs by New Years. I want to enjoy the holidays, but I don’t want to set myself too far back, while somehow also staying on track lol. I want to be able to update my blog with new progress that I’ve made in my next personal post. I don’t want to get too out of control during the holiday season lol but I do want to live a little, and even if I’m a little behind because of that though, I have to remember that at least I won’t be 235lbs. As much as I want to reach those goals, I think I’ll genuinely be happy to be under 170lbs. I know I’ve been floating around 165lbs for awhile so like I obviously don’t want to ruin that progress because my first GW is 150 and I’m so close to reaching it, but I feel like I have enough discipline to get myself back on track even if I do indulge over the holidays. I think if I do, I’ll still feel bad about it, but thinking about where I came from and how hard I’ve worked and the amount of times I’ve resisted binge eating in 2021 I don’t think I’ll actually feel that bad. It won’t be so crushing as it would have been if I wasn’t in a recovery mindset. Really, I should most be looking forward to good health in 2022, not a number on the scale or even my tape measurements. I’ve made a lot of progress in a lot of ways, and that’s something to be proud of and grateful for. Besides, if there was ever a time to let loose a little it’s definitely Christmas! (I want chocolate sooo bad lol)

#personal

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