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ptergwen · 4 years

Text

4 times peter loved you and 1 time he said it

warnings: angst, swearing, and flash being a dickwad (love him tho)

a/n: i wasn’t sure if i would ever finish this bc i started in march? and gave up but i really like the concept so i made myself get back into it and AHH i’m really happy with how it turned out! fingers crossed y’all like too ahaha. also this is unrelated but send me requests!

to say you and peter were each other’s missing halves would be an absolute understatement. there wasn’t a secret you didn’t share, an inside joke you didn’t have, a text or call left unanswered, or a second you weren’t on the other’s mind.

it had been like that since your first day of freshman year. you took the seat next to peter in first period spanish, and the rest was history.

peter knew you better than you knew yourself. as cheesy as it sounded, it was true. he could guess what you were going to order at a restaurant before you picked up the menu. if you had a bad day, he’d come over to your place with tissues and hugs, without you having to ask. he knew all the little things.

you? you were a peter parker encyclopedia. you watched all his favorite movies so he could rant to you about them, and you’d actually understand what he was saying. whenever he felt overwhelmed by his chaotic life, you found a way to calm him.

you two were soulmates in best friend form.

best friends, nothing more.

♡ 1.

you had an arm around peter’s neck as you picked at some fruit on his lunch tray. his head was resting comfortably against your cheek, whole body leaning on you. impromtu cuddle sessions weren’t unusual for the two of you. they worked in both of your favors. peter was your own personal heater, and you were just really comfortable to nap on, in his opinion.

“are you gonna eat all my grapes? i was looking forward to those,” peter whined, taking one out of your hand. “are you gonna keep using me as a pillow?” you challenged. he responded by moving his head to your shoulder and chewing. “then, yes. i am gonna eat all your grapes.”

“you know what two people who share food are?” ned chimed in from across the cafeteria table. already knowing what he was implying, you sighed. “what, ned?” he cupped his hand over his mouth like he was about to spill the world’s biggest secret. “a couple.”

it wouldn’t be a regular day without ned trying to play matchmaker for you and peter. the idea made peter scoff. “leave us alone, man. that doesn’t even make sense.” “yes it does!” ned nudged mj for backup. she only raised her hands in defense. it was always a hard pass from her on getting involved in these types of things, unless she found a reason to.

“really? how?” you grabbed peter’s milk and took a sip just for the hell of it. he chuckled at that, forgetting he was supposed to be annoyed with you. a bit of milk dripped down your chin in the process. “oops,” you grimaced at yourself and licked it away.

something about the whole thing made peter’s heart clench. it was so... you were so... cute. cute was definitely the word he was looking for. wait, what? that was new. peter had always thought you were pretty and all, but he’d never found himself endeared like this over such a little thing you did. or had he? no. nope. it was ned’s stupid theory messing with him. that was all.

“y/n, dude, everyone knows it’s a thing. like, why else would someone give up their whole lunch? it’s flirting,” ned interrupted peter’s sudden thoughts about your cuteness. the smug look on his face made you want to throw the tray at him.

before you even joined their friend group, ned was on a mission to set the two of you up. peter described you to him and mj as “the actual sweetest girl ever. she makes me laugh a lot. you guys gotta meet her.” mj obviously ‘tsked’ at him, but a light bulb went off in ned’s head. peter was crushing. he just didn’t know it yet.

part of how you and peter got so close was that ned and mj used to back out of group plans. you’d end up hanging out alone most of the time. of course, it was ned’s idea. a successful idea, yes, but neither of you understood the obsession. apparently it was a guy in the chair’s duty to be a good wingman, and you should leave it to him. whatever that meant.

“if i remember correctly, you and your mom went halfsies on a piece of cake at your birthday party last year. what are you trying to tell us, leeds?” mj asked with a smirk. you and peter looked at each other and burst into laughter, ned’s mouth hanging open. the girl could really get someone when she wanted to.

“shut up, you guys! that’s different!” “so is y/n stealing my food and you calling it sharing,” peter made a point of saying more to you than ned. despite his words, he pushed the tray over to you. it was basically yours, anyway.

you thanked him with a pat on his cheek and popped more grapes into your mouth. in that moment, peter decided he’d get you all the grapes in the world if he could. jeez, he seriously needed to reel it in.

ned was only going to keep going now. “see that? peter’s such a sweet boyfriend. isn’t he, y/n?” he cooed and clasped his hands under his chin. you didn’t have the chance to change the topic before flash appeared at your table. he’d probably overheard your conversation. “penis parker is somebody’s boyfriend? good one.”

feeling peter tense up next to you, you put a hand on his shoulder to let him know you were there. you’d been in too many of these situations. the way flash talked to peter pissed you off in ways you didn’t think were possible. he was fine with everybody else, so why did he choose to pick on him? peter was the least deserving person of having to put up with it from anyone.

“just ignore him, okay? he’ll get bored and leave. works every time,” you reminded peter. too uneasy to say anything, he reached back and put his hand on top of yours. he tried to focus on how nice your touch felt instead of the fact that he was about to be humiliated by flash yet again.

“peter could totally get a girlfriend! he has, like, tons of girls after him,” ned attempted to back peter up, pleased with himself. groaning, peter put his head down on the table. he couldn’t bare to watch his friend destroy what was left of his social life. “you’re really pushing this now. stop talking,” mj warned in a whisper yell to ned. that didn’t stop flash from hearing her.

“she’s right. even parker agrees! look at him,” he snickered at peter’s embarrassed state. you’d had more than enough of him at that point. screw the silence. it wasn’t going to cut it for this one. while wingman ned was still making up stories, you tapped peter’s shoulder to find out how he was doing. his head remained down.

“you okay? want me to say something?” “i’m used to it, and no. i don’t wanna make you deal with him.” peter hated putting his issues on other people, but you couldn’t stand another second of listening to the things flash was saying. you cut into an argument between him and ned about peter’s body count. like his was any higher.

“fuck off, flash!” he stopped in the middle of his sentence. “huh?” “i said fuck off. anyone would be so lucky to date peter. you’re probably salty at him all the time because it’ll never be you,” you finally snapped. his tough guy persona faltered for a few seconds at your words, ned and mj taking the opportunity to high five you for telling him off.

peter was glad his head was still down because his cheeks were pinker than he’d like to admit. did you really mean that? would you be lucky to date him, too?

“what are you, president of the parker protection squad? or are you two a thing?” flash quickly recovered. there he went trying to get the last word in. the embarrassment for peter if you denied it was exactly what he wanted, but you weren’t letting him have it.

“ask me again some other time.” you plastered on a shit-eating grin and waved goodbye. unsatisfied with your answer, flash huffed his way back to his own table. after he was gone, peter looked up at you with something you’d never seen before twinkling in his eyes.

“thank you, y/n. you really didn’t have to say all of that.” “oh, no. don’t thank me. i‘d do it for you anytime. i am president of the parker protection squad, after all.” your fake smile turned into a genuine one for him. peter couldn’t help but mirror it.

his was heart doing that thing again. he guessed it was because he loved you so much, but this love felt different somehow. it wasn’t the friend kind of love he’d had for you all those years.

it was the kind of love he saw in the rom coms you made him watch when you got to pick for movie night. cupid’s love was the official name for it. when he put two and two together, the realization smacked him straight in the face. ned was right.

peter was starting to fall in love with you, and there was no way he could stop.

♡ 2.

peter was a workaholic. patrolaholic to be exact, especially when he had a reason. he’d sometimes find himself in a cycle of getting home late and going out early for days on end. he’d gotten used to the sleep deprivation. his grumbling stomach from missing meals wasn’t too big of a deal either. not when he had a city to save.

it was also a good distraction from everything else going on in his life. man, did he need a distraction. after peter came to terms with the fact that he loved loved his best friend, he narrowed it down to two options; telling you about his feelings or taking them to his grave. since the city was so busy, he was thankful he could throw himself into patrolling and not decide just yet.

may would usually only allow peter to patrol on weekends. school existed, and he had to take breaks. peter really wanted to help out more, so he proposed an idea that could potentially let him up it to the full seven days. he had to make it home in one piece every night for a trial week. that would prove to may he could handle it.

ignoring his black eye on tuesday and limp on thursday, it worked out. peter was positive he could finish off the week just fine. may didn’t have the same optimism. she decided that so much as a scratch on friday and it was strike three. friday came, and peter had impressively managed to end the day, like he thought, just fine.

he did one last swing around the neighborhood he was in, then started heading back to queens to gloat to may. on his way, he remembered he had to text you goodnight. he was bound by a pinky swear to you that he would do it every time he finished patrolling.

peter being spider-man was something you figured out only a few months after he got his powers. he technically exposed himself, and you pieced everything together. it all happened when spider-man offered to walk you home from school one day.

the way he rubbed the back of his neck while asking was a nervous habit that was oddly familiar, and urged you to say yes. you also thought it was strange how even though he didn’t ask for your address, he somehow knew where he was taking you. then again, he was spider-man. it was his job to know new york city and the people living in it.

you came to the conclusion you were making things up until he was about to leave. he walked you to the door of your apartment building and said, “stay safe, squirt.” nobody called you that besides peter. he came up with it because he had recently grown a few inches taller and could finally give you hell for being the short one.

needless to say, peter didn’t take off like he was intending to. he realized his slip up as soon as the nickname came out of his mouth. you brought him upstairs and had a long afternoon of questioning, explanations, and making promises.

peter typed out a message telling you he was fine and to go to sleep. as he was about to hit send, he swung too low and smacked his head right into a traffic light. that was what he got for texting while swinging. he could imagine mj giving him one of her famous safety lectures already, but that wasn’t first on his list of worries. he had a throbbing head and may’s third strike to deal with.

crap, may couldn’t know about this. she’d ban him from patrolling probably forever. going home was out of the question, but peter was in desperate need of an ice pack. there was already a bump forming from where the light hit him. his next choice would be to go to happy, only he couldn’t do that because he‘d tell may.

peter’s hands worked faster than his brain, and he started swinging over to your apartment. the overthinking began soon after. nobody wants to deal with a surprise appearance from their possibly concussed friend at 2 a.m. besides, what would he say? he’d barely seen you all week. it wasn’t fair to you, but it was too late to turn back.

peter landed on the sidewalk with an “oof” and crawled up the wall of your building. when he reached your window, he knocked in the same rhythm that he always did. no answer. he knocked louder. no answer again.

seeing as he had no other option, peter had to let himself in. he pushed on your window to see if it was unlocked. thank god it slid up then, but he made a mental note to remind you about keeping it locked another time. he climbed through the window with as little noise as possible so your family wouldn’t hear.

after navigating in the dark, peter pulled off his mask by the side of your bed. he instantly melted at the sight of you. your face was squished into your pillow, hair sprawled everywhere. you’d must have fallen asleep waiting for his text because you were holding your phone. peter was sure he’d never seen something so adorable.

he let himself stand there and watch the peaceful rise and fall of your chest. the bump on his head was no longer a priority. peter was utterly and completely entranced with you. god, why was he acting like this? oh, right. he was secretly in love with you.

before peter could help himself, he brushed some hair that had fallen into your eyes away with his fingers. you squirmed in your sleep, peter pulling his hand back. he was such an idiot sometimes. your eyes fluttered open and landed on him.

“peter? ‘s that you?” you squinted to see in the darkness of your room. he moved closer. your legs dangled over the bed as you slowly sat up. “yeah, it’s me. sorry to wake you.” he went to scratch his head out of nerves, but stopped when he remembered it really freaking hurt right there.

“‘s okay. i was hoping you’d come over soon. missed you all week.” you frowned at the red and blue clad boy in front of you. except for school, you hadn’t seen peter the past few days. “lots of crime to fight lately?” “missed you more, and yeah. been kicking lots of asses.” the awkwardness peter was imaging faded away when he plopped down next to you on your bed.

“how’s your eye doing? and the limp?” you turned his head towards you by his chin. he exhaled in relief. “getting better, i think. now that we’re talking about injuries...” the sleepiness was knocked out of you. you all but leapt to your feet and turned on the lamp by your bed. peter had a feeling you’d slightly freak.

“we’ve been making small talk and you’re hurt? what happened, peter?” “i-i sort of, um, i was texting you and swung into a traffic light.” “oh my god, where?” he pointed at his forehead with a weak smile. surely enough, there was a big bump. you gasped. “please don’t be mad at me.” “i’m not mad at you. just feel bad it was kinda my fault. do you think you have a concussion?”

you weren’t sure what to do beyond the mostly useless first aid videos they played in gym class. being an avenger, peter had had his share of experience with wounds. whenever he came to you hurt, he talked you through how to help him. the most you’d ever dealt with was a few particularly deep cuts. this was not the same.

“i‘m not sure. you could try that finger thing?” he suggested. you crouched down in front of him. “good idea. let’s do that.” as you waved your index finger back and forth and peter’s eyes followed it seemingly well, his mind was elsewhere. he was thinking about crawling into bed with you and sleeping in your arms.

“well, you passed or whatever they say. i’m pretty sure you don’t have a concussion. you’ll heal fast because of... you know.” you stood up and mimicked the way he shoots his webs. peter chuckled quietly. your thumb ran lightly over his bump, making him wince. “how bad does it feel?” “on a scale from one to ten it’s, like, a five and a half.”

although not what you wanted to hear, it was manageable. you hoped so, at least. “i’m gonna go get some stuff. change into comfortable clothes.” “yes, doctor y/n.” peter saluted you. you were happy to see he still felt up to joking around. biting your lip to hold back a smile, you made your way to the kitchen.

peter searched through the spare clothes he’d left here over the years. there were so many, you had to give him a drawer. he changed into pajama pants and a t-shirt, then sat back down criss cross on your bed.

you came in shortly after with a water bottle, two advil, and an ice pack wrapped in a towel. “i was kidding about the whole doctor thing, you know.” “too bad.” you handed him the advil and water. “take these. they’ll help until your magic healing powers kick in.” peter took the pills while you pressed the ice pack to his bump. he took it from you when he was finished.

“is that any better?” “much better. i’m all good. i should probably go soon.” he mumbled, not meaning it but also not wanting to overstay his welcome. you’d already done so much for him. you stopped him from getting up by putting a hand on his chest.

“what? you already changed, and i’m not sending you home to get killed by may. just stay.” “are you sure? i don’t wanna bother you anymore. it was annoying for me to come here so late in the first place.”

a frown set on your face. “peter, don’t you remember my promise?” there was a beat of silence while he thought about it. “that you’d help out with spidey stuff?” “however and whenever i can. i don’t know what made you think differently just now, but nothing’s gonna change that. doesn’t matter if it’s the middle of the night or early in the morning. i’m always here.”

only you could reassure him just like that. peter was really lucky to have you. really, really lucky.

“right. you’re right. sorry for... whatever that was.” “you apologize too much.” you poked his chest to punctuate your statement and switched the light off. “sorry for that, too,” he teased, wanting a reaction from you. “peter benjamin parker, just get in the bed.” “yes, ma’am.” that was enough before you changed your mind and threw him out.

you rolled to lay on the other side of peter. still pressing the ice pack to his head, he laid down next to you. it didn’t take long for both of you to be settled under the covers. “try not to bang into the wall or something,” you joked and pulled your comforter up to your chin.

peter puffed some air out of his cheeks, tugging more of it back. “you can’t be mean and hog the blanket.” “it’s my bed, so i actually can. i’ll hog everything.”

to prove your point, you moved over to peter until there was no room between you. both of you knew it was an excuse to cuddle. he wasn’t mad about it at all. peter opened an arm for you. you curled into his side, letting him hold you close. his whole body relaxed as you hugged him against you. “goodnight, spidey.” “night, squirt.”

♡ 3.

“what does that cloud look like to you?” you pointed up at the sky. peter’s eyes darted around as he tried to find exactly which one you were talking about. there were a lot of them, in his defense. you made a big circle with your finger around the cloud in question.

“the really curvy one. right there.” “kinda looks like a tiger. can we keep walking now?” peter tugged your arm linked in his in an attempt to move you from the spot you’d randomly stopped in. he made a whiny noise when you didn’t budge.

“i think it looks more like a horse, and no. why are you in such a rush?” furrowing your brows at him, you tightened your grip on his arm. “because some people don’t like cloud watching, grandma.” “i only asked you about one! i’m just... trying to get the most out of today.”

with college around the corner, you and peter both had a lot to do and a little bit of time to get it done. your only hangouts had become some shared extracurriculars and weekly study group with your other friends. trying to binge watch your shows together on facetime hadn’t been easy, for one thing. you fumbled to keep your phone up more than you payed attention.

on a more serious note, being apart sucked majorly. it was going to be this times a million when you would inevitably have to split up in a few months. thinking about it for too long usually made you cry.

peter was struggling in other ways. his more than a friend feelings for you were only getting stronger. having all that love and not being able to give it to you was hurting like hell, and he had to just pack everything up and act normal during the rare moments you were together. you were both going through it.

this was the first sunday in what felt like forever that you and peter were both free. you decided that the nice weather called for a meetup at central park. so, there you were, arm in arm on your afternoon stroll.

“don’t say it like that, y/n. you’re making me sad.” peter let out a breath as you rested your head on his shoulder. “that was the point.” you started walking again, peter following next to you. he kicked at pebbles while you smiled up at him. that made him smile at his feet. you were getting really good at making him flustered.

“so, did you finish that pre calc packet?” peter asked to distract himself. you lifted your head off his shoulder with a groan. “peter, we’re not talking about school for once. let’s talk about literally anything else.” “like what?” you were about to make a suggestion, but something caught your attention.

you raced over to a swingset, dragging peter along with you before he could realize where you were taking him. you stopped in front of it and threw your hands up to present it to him. he let out a breathy laugh. “when was the last time you went on one of these?” you asked, taking peter’s arm again. peter shook his head. “way too long ago.”

with a smile, you walked him over and took a seat on one of the swings. peter sat on the one next to you. you spun around in a circle to see how much you could twist the chains, peter laughing. “y/n, what are you doing?” “having fun. you should try it sometime.” he backed up to get himself started and grabbed his own chains. “i do have fun. it’s just not in the ways you think.”

you untwisted yourself to watch peter. “so, how?” “well,” he started going higher, “i like learning about stuff, even the things we have to in school.” “everybody knows that. that’s the first thing i thought of.” you did know everything possible about him.

everything except his new feelings for you, but this wasn’t the time for him to blurt that out. he was still figuring out when or if he should.

“guess i’m not gonna say i like movies, either.” “singing?” you were swinging next to him, turning it into an unspoken competiton for who could get the highest. peter slowed down a bit since he’d had a head start. “i suck. the only person who’s allowed to hear me is you.”

“it’s possible to suck at something and still enjoy it.” the breeze blew your hair around, peter seeing it from the corner of his eye. he’d always loved how carefree you were around him. it rubbed off.

“remind me to force you to do karaoke one day.” “you’re so annoying.” that motivated you to kick off harder on the ground. peter huffed and tried to catch up to you. “don’t be mean to your only source of fun.” if that wasn’t true, he would’ve came up with a comeback.

the only time peter remembered to relax was when he was with you. it was usually because you reminded him. he skidded to a stop on the swing and looked up at you.

“why’d you let me win? was that too mean?” you looked over your shoulder. “nah, i just got tired.” “oh. we can do something else now. catch me?” “sure,” peter chuckled and got off the swing. he stood in front of you on the grass and waited for you to get lower. you clenched your teeth into a nervous smile.

“ready?” “ready.” swinging towards him, you jumped off and expected to land in his arms. you ended up completely on top of him instead.

the wind was knocked out of both of you, but peter had it worse because he broke your fall. your hands were on his shoulders and one of his was around your lower back. neither of you realized the position you were in. you were too busy trying to breathe again.

“god, that hurt.” “my bad,” peter mumbled. in any other circumstance, he wouldn’t be complaining about this. “i should’ve warned you or something,” you dismissed him.

you were still hovering over peter, your lips dangerously close to his. he could’ve sworn they almost touched. that was when you got off of him. he only forced out a laugh. nothing ever went his way. you offered him a hand, oblivious to his inner conflict. peter took it and pulled himself up, falling into step next to you as you headed to another path.

that could’ve been a chance to make some sort of move, and he blew it.

♡ 4.

it hadn’t been easy for peter to move on from that day. his mind kept replaying the split second you almost kissed on an endless loop, and all he could do was come up with what he should’ve done in the moment.

things were getting to a point where he had no clue how to act around you. being your friend was hard, but becoming your boyfriend would be that much harder. his stupid feelings put him in an awkward place, and he was afraid you were starting to realize. he couldn’t lose you altogether.

you asked peter to meet you for coffee after school. it was this small place in between your apartments you’d both been to once before. they had really good cookies and an overall cozy feeling you liked. peter wasn’t sure what this was all about.

were you going to confront him? did ned say something? maybe it was a mistake to confide in his most gossipy friend about how he felt.

with a headache from stress and a heavy backpack hanging off his shoulders, peter walked into the café. he spotted you at a table near the window. you’d already taken the liberty of ordering, two drinks and a chocolate chip cookie waiting there. you looked up from your phone when peter pulled a chair out.

“hi.” you gave him a small smile and put your phone down. “i already got everything.” peter shrugged off his backpack with a grin. he sat down facing you. “thanks. sorry i’m kinda late. i had to stop at my locker.” you usually met him there. come to think of it, why hadn’t you today? you pushed peter’s drink over to him. “you’re fine. i came here early to get us a table, anyway.” phew.

peter bent the straw to his iced macchiato and took a sip. it made him feel grown up, casually drinking coffee with you over a boring conversation. adult life must’ve sucked. “so, how was the rest of your day?” he asked to fill the silence. you only had two classes without him after lunch, so that was a dumb question. he’d never had so much trouble talking to you.

“eh. betty fell asleep on me during this cold war documentary we had to watch.” “didn’t she say american history is her favorite?” you broke off a piece of the cookie with a laugh. “not after that. what about your day?” the light from the window was shining directly on you, blocking out everything else from peter’s view. he wanted to tell you how beautiful you were so bad, but that would be creepy.

you took a bite of your cookie and raised an eyebrow. he was staring. “uh, nothing interesting. i’m gonna patrol a little bit later.” peter sipped his drink again. you clicked your tongue and let out a breath. “that’s all you do these days.” he knew you were catching on to how off he’d been. what was he supposed to say? it would’ve helped if he’d prepared a few excuses.

“just trying to help out while i’m still here.” that was a half truth. “yeah, but you should still take some time for yourself.” you ripped open your straw wrapper and blew it at peter. he caught it just before it hit his face. rolling your eyes, you put the straw into your drink. “i hate your reflexes sometimes.” he shrugged one of his shoulders casually. “jealousy is a disease.”

neither of you said anything for a few minutes. you stared out the window while peter finished the rest of the cookie. he could tell something was on your mind. whenever you were deep in your thoughts, you sort of zoned out like this.

he was too nervous to ask you what was wrong because of the conversation you just had. it sounded like you had already considered he was being distant before today. his feelings aside, he needed to reassure you. that was more important.

“y/n?” you turned your head to look at him. “yeah?” peter’s gaze shifted from you to his thumbs twiddling in his lap. “i know we’ve both been really... busy lately, but i’m still here. don’t forget that.” a hint of a smile played on your lips. you would’ve hugged him if you could reach. “thank you, peter. i kinda needed to hear that.” he nudged your leg under the table. “of course. hey, you wanna come with me tonight?”

a couple of hours later, you were in peter’s arms on a rooftop that was much higher up than it looked. he insisted on taking you for a swing so you could get the full experience. he’d been trying to get you to do this for the longest time, so he wondered what made you agree today. you wanted to find out what was so enjoyable about it.

“i trust you, but you’re not gonna drop me, right?” your legs were around his waist, and he had one hand supporting you by your back. that wasn’t terrifying at all. you grabbed peter’s shoulders, the idea of it making you nervous. he wrapped his arm tighter around you.

“oh my god, no. i can always web you back up.” “peter! that’s not funny.” even behind the mask, you could tell he was smirking. “you’re always safe with me, squirt. don’t worry.” you brought your arms up to loop around his neck.

“i feel better now.” “good. i’m gonna jump when we get to the edge, okay?“ your whole body stiffened up. peter could sense it. as excited as he was to share this with you, he didn’t want to make you feel pressured. “or we don’t have to do it.” his voice was quiet. you tried to relax in his hold. “i’m just gonna close my eyes. i think that’ll help.” “we’re about to find out.”

peter started walking towards the edge of the building with you holding on even tighter to him, your eyes squeezed shut. he kept finding himself in situations where he was close to you in the ways he’d been wishing for, but never for the same reasons. it was bittersweet.

he bit down on his lip and aimed his free hand at a building. you squealed when he leaned back. “i’m jumping now,” he prepared you, and before you could respond, you were in the air. you hid your face in peter’s chest the second you felt yourself pretty much flying.

“what the fuck, you like this?” you had to yell so he could hear you. peter shot another web to keep swinging. “it’s really not that bad! try looking up!” he shouted back, clearly amused.

grip tightening around his neck, you slowly pulled your face away from him. he kept you close as he swung. you somehow convinced yourself you weren’t going to die by looking at something besides peter. your eyes landed on the sky behind his head.

the sun was almost completely set, deep pink and orange merging together against the glowing lights of the city. you were finally understanding why he liked this so much. it was beautiful.

peter peeked at you for a second to check on you. he swore his heart was going to explode out of his chest. the look of adoration on your face, it was even better than the view. it was the view. the little moments where peter got to see you this way made him realize how in love with you he really was.

“this is... wow. i get it now,” you laughed in disbelief, watching as the city whirled past you. peter smiled so big it hurt. “pretty awesome, huh?” one of your hands slid back down to his shoulder. “take me with you more often.”

♡ 5.

peter licked his lips out of habit as he held the door open for may, who was following behind him with a look of pride. he was about to graduate high school. the ceremony was being held in a really nice stadium-like place. trying to find it added minutes on to the parker tradition of being late to everything important.

peter wasn’t as concerned with his tardiness as he was with finding you.

while he tossed and turned in bed the night before, he went over his whole school year in his head. that meant little things and big things. he was starting to drift off until he remembered a conversation with ned a few weeks back. they decided on a deadline for peter to tell you about his feelings, and it was before graduation.

they chose it because if peter got rejected, he’d be over it by the time college started. that was the goal.

it wasn’t that peter had changed his mind. it was that he completely forgot. he didn’t have a solid plan for what he should do. these things needed to be decided way in advance. he ended up pulling something together last minute because it was you. plus, this extra pressure gave him the push to go through with it. somewhere between steps seven and eight, he passed out.

may rushed him to get ready because he’d slept past his alarm. the whole morning was a mess, and he had at most fifteen minutes to confess his love to you by the time he got there.

“you should go make sure you’re marked here. i’ll see you after. love you.” may pressed a kiss to his cheek and half-jogged to the auditorium for a seat. he squeezed her arm and headed off to check in. your whole grade was already lined up along the walls for what looked like miles. the deal was to tell you before graduation. he still had about ten minutes.

peter walked past hundreds of students with his heartbeat thumping in his ears. everyone was in alphabetical order, so it didn’t take too long to find you. relief washed over you when you saw peter. you were worried he wouldn’t show up at all. his cap was in his hand, hair getting tangled from running his fingers through it. he looked at you with pleading eyes.

“finally, i’ve been trying to call you all morning. where were you?” your tone was dripping with concern. “i overslept. there’s something i gotta tell you, y/n.” he gulped. you smiled in a way that was kind of pitying. “we’re about to start going inside. i- you have to wait, pete. go get lined up.”

this wasn’t how it was going to end. not again.

he looked around to see who was watching, then he grabbed your wrist. “peter, what are you-“ “just come with me really quick.” despite yourself, you let him lead you down the hallway. you dodged a couple of teachers having a conversation and went into a bathroom that was vacant by some chance. he let go of you after the door shut. you stood behind it while he walked over to a sink.

it was making you anxious to not be out there. you could be late. peter was the same way when it came to school, so you knew this had to be pretty serious. you gave up the battle with yourself and made your way over to him. he was looking at himself in the mirror, trying to get a stray curl back in place.

“let me help.” you stood next to him. he turned to face you, that same look of urgency still in his eyes. you used two fingers to brush through his hair. there was so much gel that it was wet enough to mess with. you smiled a bit and took your hand out of his hair. his hand was gripping the sink.

“you look good, pete. you smell good, too.” “so do you.” his voice was lower than usual. you flattened out the material of your blue gown. “thanks. so, talk to me. what’s up?”

the question was so simple, but way too many answers were running through peter’s brain. he wasn’t even sure he’d have enough time to explain everything now. this was why he needed a written out and carefully crafted plan.

but, like he said to himself last night, this was you. his best friend in the entire world and any other that might exist. the person who’s been there for his most embarrassing moments, and who’s been responsible for some of his best ones. if he couldn’t finally say the three words he’d said to you so many times before, what was the point?

his fingers drummed a steady rhythm while he mustered up the last remaining bit of courage in him. you watched him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. “just, um...” he was stalling. he pulled his hand off the sink. “i... love you.” peter only glanced at you for a second, too afraid to see your reaction. “i love you, too. is everything okay?” his heart sank. you thought he meant it in the friend way.

that was what he got for being so terrible with words.

“no, y/n. not like that.” he blurted. you were lost. peter pressed his back against the wall and sat down. confused and equally worried, you sat next to him on the floor. “then what do you mean? you’re scaring me.” he checked the watch may made him wear to see how much time was left before graduation. four minutes. he really should’ve woken up on time.

“we have to get back in line soon. i don’t wanna miss-“ “i love you, y/n. i’m in love with you.” a weight that had been on peter’s chest for months was lifted just by saying it. you squinted your eyes at him, but said nothing.

“i’ve been trying to tell you for a while, and it’s okay if you don’t feel the same. i just had to say it.” “fuck, are you serious?” you sounded what peter could only describe as disappointed. yeah, it was unrequited. here came a summer of crying. “i was gonna tell you first.”

peter’s breath hitched in his throat, and he swore you could hear it. he was so sleep deprived that it felt like he was hallucinating. you shook your head as heat came to your cheeks.

“how long have you...” peter trailed off, an eye crinkling smile interrupting him. “that day we went for coffee. something clicked, so i thought for a while and figured it out. i think i’ve loved you for a really long time.”

you inched closer to peter, just barely resting your head on his shoulder. for once, you felt like the shy one. he put his hand on top of yours. his thumb traced over each of your fingers. “i’d ask you out, but you know. we don’t really have time.”

“peter, it won’t take that long.” you giggled. he squeezed your hand in his. “hm. y/n, would you wanna go out with me after this?” you thought about teasing him for it, but he was right. you had to go. that was the friend still in you. “i’d love to go out with you, peter.”

with that, you both jumped to your feet and ran out of the bathroom. you were still holding hands, and a few classmates made faces when you rushed past them to get to your spots. you exchanged one last smile with peter before lining up.

the person in front of you said everybody was looking for you two. honestly, you didn’t care all that much. you were too excited for your date later. peter already knew he’d be checking his watch throughout the whole ceremony.

it was a best friend and soulmate thing.

#tom holland #peter parker #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland fic #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland writing #spiderman #peter parker imagine #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #peter parker angst #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #marvel #mcu #tom holland oneshot

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moonlit-imagines · 4 years

Text

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s stepkid

Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader

warnings: alcohol mention

a/n: i rushed these so bad i just wanted to post dhhshsnsna

prompt: y/n is pepper’s kiddo!

it was just you and your mom for a long time

pepper and y/n potts

she couldn’t keep up with you sometimes, too busy dealing with the manchild that was mister anthony edward stark

speaking of—

“uh, who’s this?” -tony, pointing at you

“mr. stark, i am so sorry, the school closed because some kid set fire to the science lab and i didn’t have time to find a sitter—”

“no, it’s fine, no need to apologize. hey, kid, you wanna sit in the boss’s chair? i’ll let you run the company for the day!” *cue you nodding* “sweet, would you mind that, ms. potts?”

“oh? no, not at all” *mouthing* “thank you”

“so, uh, what’s your name? no, don’t tell me: ketchup.”

*giggling* “y/n”

“no way! that was my second guess!”

tony wasn’t used to being around kids

he had no idea that he was actually kind of good around them

despite a few minor hiccups

“you sit in my chair and im gonna spin you around, sound like fun?��

he spun you around WAY too fast and you were diiiiizzy, also you fell off the chair

“don’t tell your mom that we did that. she may be my assistant, but she scares the shit out of me. also, don’t say ‘shit’”

dude he just thought you were a cool kid!!!

“hey, you know, ms. potts, you dont really need to hire a babysitter anymore. y/n’s doing just fine hanging out here”

“how am i not surprised you befriended an actual child?”

she still took him up on his offer, you seemed pretty happy

when your mom worked late, you passed out in tonys office

tony and you had your own little secrets (like falling off the spinning chair), tony showed you around stark tower, and you practically lived there

“i got you a happy meal from mcdonalds!” -tony every day after your school

in all honesty, you weren’t the “popular” kid at school...not even close

but tony made up for it

“y/n! i found this old racecar toy in a box of old stuff, you wanna hold onto it for me?”

you kind of grew up in stark tower tbh? it was pretty cool

and as you grew up, you started to notice more

“mr. tony, do you have a crush on my mom?”

“do i what? no, no, i do—who the hell am i kidding? you caught me”

“called it!”

after that you did everything to try and get them together

when your mom was talking to tony, you would stand behind her and wiggle your eyebrows and just taunt tony endlessly

no! tony cannot remember your mom’s birthday for the life of him! you are his calendar now

“dude, why dont you just ask JARVIS to remind you?”

“i may be a genius, but that doesn’t mean i have common sense”

“wise words, sir” -JARVIS

when tony disappeared for 3 months you were so sad???? like you were not okay at all

and when he came back, he literally exited the plane saying “WHERE’S ‘T-POTT??’”

(your wonderful nickname. ‘t’ for ‘tony jr.’ and ‘pott’ for ‘potts’)

“my mom missed you”

“oh, i bet she did”

“you turned my child into you, tony. i will never forgive you for this”

“well, at least y/n was here to fill in for me, huh?”

tony wanted to show you the arc reactor but he was actually afraid of scarring you lmfaoooo

but he did let you in on the iron man secret (he knew you wouldn’t snitch)

and just to make sure:

“if you dont tell anyone, i’ll buy you a car when you turn 16”

“man, that’s like, forever away”

“good, maybe you’ll forget by then”

ur mom kinda maybe sorta found out abt iron man :/ she told you that tony was a bad influence

“mom! no, tony’s cool! he’s like a superhero”

“no, sweetie, he’s a rich guy with issues. we’re leaving”

that didn’t last long

not long at all

and soon they FINALLY got together

“jeez, i thought you two would never stop pining after each other”

“couldnt have done it without my wingman” -tony *fistbump*

“as thanks can i have my own iron man suit?”

“yes.” *pepper glaring at him* “no.”

sooner or later your mom and you moved into tony’s house and you got a really big room!!!!

it was completely decked out

king sized bed, flatscreen tv, mini-fridge, microwave, computer, your own bathroom with a smaller tv, a poster of tony??? (you vandalized it and put it in his workshop), and more!!!

okay you were spoiled

“do you like it here? are you sure i made the right choice?” -pepper

“are you kidding, mom? this is awesome! plus, you’re happy, i’m happy, tony’s happy, i think JARVIS is even happy!”

“i am, mx. potts. simply ecstatic” -JARVIS

pepper was really happy!! it was a pretty cool family

you started giving your school tony’s number if you ever got in trouble, you knew he’d cover for you

“mr. potts, is it?”

“sure”

“your child, y/n, punched another student in the face today. we’re very disappointed in their behavior”

“why’d they punch the kid?”

“well, the other student punched y/n first”

“HAH! thank you for wasting my time. send y/n back to class and call me back if something important comes up”

he literally gave you a high five when you got home

“i gave him a black eye!”

“i couldn’t be more proud. i mean, i dont condone violence, but self defense is a whole other story”

a little help in the workshop, tony asks you to hold the flashlight

“why don’t you get one of your robots to hold this for you?”

“are you kidding me, you’re complaining? we’re having stepdad/stepkid bonding time! and dum-e can’t do anything right, i dont trust him”

youve had a few theme park trips as a family ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also tony has 100% told you to wait in the car and then left you alone for 2+ hours

“i’m not like a regular dad, im a step-dad. want some beer? you can have a little sip. i’d rather you do it in the house”

your mother actually does love how he actually cares about you!

“y/n is 12% my responsibility” -tony

“tony, you are impossible” -pepper

no avengering for you! pepper said no!!!!!!

disappointed but not surprised

iron man 3: y/n potts is put through the wringer

Text Message to Mr. Tony: bro you better come get your girl, me and happy are watching this other guy flirting with her. he’s showing her pics of his ‘big brain’

Mr. Tony: HE WHAT

Text Message to Mr. Tony: Tony he looks creepy i don’t want him to be my new stepdad do something!!!

anyways ur house kinda blew up and ur mom and you kinda got kidnapped and u were right abt that guy being creepy and thankfully no experiments were done on you but like your mom kinda almost died and her and tony were fine!!! all good in the end

you met mr. col. james rhodes that day

“aw, you’re the kid ive heard so much about” -rhodey

“you mean the coolest kid in the world?check.”

“you cant tell me you aren’t tony’s biological child, good god”

you got to meet the avengers later on too! (you’d already met natasha tho, only briefly)

“i know it can be a little overwhelming, right? meeting all these heros, legends even—” -rhodey

“oh, my god, is that thor? thor!!” -you, leaving rhodey in the dust

literally why does pepper trust you around tony something always goes wrong there were literally robots attacking, you were only at avengers tower bc your mom was busy with the company and she thought you’d be safe with the avengers. the AVENGERS.

“please dont tell your mom that i created a bad robot that tried to kill us. the robot will be the least of our problems” -tony

he made happy pick you up and you had to miss out on FUN and it sucked a lot

“it’s okay, y/n! i’m fun, too!” -happy

then your mom and tony took a break and your life got mega-boring for a while, but they weren’t separated for that long. you try not to think about it. it was brutal

Mr. Tony: Does she miss me?

New Message to Mr. Tony: I think so. Either that or she’s crying and drinking wine in the dark for no reason.

Mr. Tony: Damn it, now I feel bad. I miss her a lot. Oh, also, the Avengers say ‘hi,’ I’m in Germany with some bad news, I’ll explain later if you don’t see it on TV first, and I found you the perfect friend! His name is Peter and I think you’d like the school he goes to, it’s in Midtown. Smart kid school.

New Message to Mr. Tony: I’ll look into it, thanks. Also, I don’t like how those all connect. Please update me asap

watching the news to see several avengers arrested, cap on the run, and more!

“maybe it was good i didn’t fall in with the avengers”

tony and pepper finally got back together and you actually transferred to midtown high! peter and his friend group accepted you quickly, it was great. you and flash unfortunately had the most in common

you’d literally text happy right next to peter and he’d immediately reply to you. it hurt peter’s feelings

Momma: Sweetie! I’m working in the office late, leftovers are in the fridge, hope you have a wonderful day at school! 💕

👉👈the vulture tried to kill you for being tony’s stepkid, tony made peter promise to protect you

“y/n, you gotta stay out of harm’s way. mr. stark gave me an actual mission and it’s terrifying, i have to make sure you stay safe”

legit why the fuck was this old man tryna kill you bro grow up

anyyyywayssss your mom and tony got engaged!!

“wow, i thought the day would never come!!” -you

ppl told you tony isnt your stepdad bc ur mom and him werent married but who tf asked

why is the earth always in fucking danger

you and peter were just vibing on the field trip bus and all the sudden: space donut

“go! i’ll cover for you...FRIDAY, call tony”

“...hi there, little one”

“what the fuck”

“oh, so you see the aliens, too? well, at least im not crazy”

tony stark has left the atmosphere

you and your mom were kinda......not chillin tho

she and you didn’t sleep for a few nights, then ppl just straight up disappeared

plot twist: you survived the snap and your family was lucky to be alive, you even got a little sister who became a big handful!

only bad thing was all your friends dusted and you were pretty lonely

but watching morgan grow up kept you busy

“ahhh, shes so big!”

happy times in bad times

bad times!!!!! bc after five years thanos came back as thanos from like ten years ago. outdated thanos. obsolete thanos.

but you made your first and only appearance in the suit tony actually designed for you many years ago

you should have just stayed home tho bc that fight didnt pass the vibe check

“please dont tell me he...no, no, no, no, no”

you and your mom latched onto each other in tears, tony was one of the best people in your life, he made you and your mom two of the happiest people on earth

best stepdad a kid could ever ask for

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight //

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jlalafics · 4 years

Note

Ok so you just wrote me a gorgeous drabble and here I am wanting more, bc you’re just too good. On my way to the gym this morning I almost crashed my car bc I saw sexy construction workers and was wondering if sometime in the future you would maybe consider ConstructionWorker!Peeta? Maybe Katniss almost crashed her car staring at that ass? Lol sorry for being so needy... 😘

I hope you enjoy @mrspeetamellark, trying to think up a story title and story cover concept right now because I’m liking this Everlark so much.

Thanks for the prompt, doll! <3

_____

“Yes, move that meeting to the afternoon,” Katniss told her sister. “Snow wants to meet about the Gilmore divorce proceedings.”

“Got it,” Prim replied from the speakers of the car. “Where are you?”

“Just turning onto our block,” she informed her. “It looks like they’re finally renovating the building next to the office…”

Katniss’ eyes were suddenly drawn to a figure standing out against the rest of the men gathered at the site. He was leaning against one of the wood slats that surrounded the property, blond and broad wearing a fitted white t-shirt.

Suddenly, his eyes drew up to meet hers.

Azure blue greeted her own steel ones, the man’s mouth widening into a smile, his expression warm and sweet.

Before morphing into panic—

“Holy fuck!”

Katniss swerved just in time to avoid a squirrel crossing the street and just barely maneuvering her car from crashing into a tree. She managed to save face, making the turn into her office’s parking garage and then into her assigned space.

“Are you alright?” Prim called out. “For a moment there, I thought I lost you.”

Katniss turned off the engine, taking in a calming breath.

“I’m fine. I’ll be up in a minute,” she responded before hanging up.

This is what she got for even looking at a man. It was a sign from the gods telling her to focus on work and not on her lack of a social life.

Too bad, though. The man was awfully cute.

++++++

“Peeta!” Turning, Peeta found Finnick—one of the other construction workers and his childhood friend—heading towards him. “Your dad said that we could take our lunches now.”

“Fine with me,” Peeta agreed, pulling off his construction helmet and tucking it under his arm.

The two headed down the street, grabbing some sandwiches from a nearby deli before heading back.

“So,” Finnick began, as they sat down at the tables set-up in front on the construction site. “I saw that your lady almost damn near crashed into a tree this morning.”

“She isn’t my lady,” Peeta muttered, unwrapping his sandwich to avoid his friend’s teasing eyes. “She’s just a beautiful woman who I happen to admire—who would never look at someone like me.”

“She did notice!” his friend exclaimed. “That close call happened because she was looking at you. Maybe you should go over to her office building and introduce yourself, ask if she’s okay—”

“No, no, no…” Peeta shook his head. “She’s high class and I am…me.”

“Peeta—” Finnick looked to him in concern. “You are a good guy. Stop being so hard on yourself. Just because one woman couldn’t look past your circumstances, doesn’t mean they all will.” His friend’s sea-green eyes darted behind him. “In fact, I’m going to help you out—”

Sticking his middle and index fingers into his mouth, Finnick let out a loud whistle.

“What are you doing?” Peeta asked in confusion.

His friend ignored him, looking behind Peeta and pointing at him.

Then, he was being yanked by the forearm from his seat and being slammed against one of the wood slats of their construction site.

Up close, her eyes were smoky and full of fire—because she was pissed.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” she demanded. “I am not the kind of woman who needs to get whistled at to feel like she’s hot. In fact, it’s downright demeaning! If you wanted my attention, all you had to do was introduce yourself like a normal person—”

“Wait!” She stepped back, but her grip on the front of Peeta’s shirt didn’t let up. “I never whistled at you. It was my friend; the idiot with the red hair who is currently trying to skulk back into our construction site, so you won’t manhandle him like you’re doing to me.”

The woman turned just in time to see Finnick guiltily rush into the construction site.

She immediately released her grasp, her olive complexion flushing scarlet.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” The woman let out a nervous laugh. “It’s just been a hell of a day so far. I almost crashed my car this morning—” Her grey eyes widened. “It’s you!”

He held out his hand to her. “Peeta Mellark.”

She took it and Peeta let his thumb brush against her rich skin. “Katniss Everdeen.”

“Now that we’ve officially met,” he started. “Are you okay? It was a close call this morning.”

“I’m fine,” she assured him. “It’s just been so busy with meetings and I have to go grab lunch—”

“Split my sandwich with me,” he offered. Peeta nodded at the still wrapped sandwich on the now empty table. “Or I’m pretty sure there are few birds that would be happy to take your half.”

Katniss flushed. “You sure?”

“I insist.” He led her towards the table, pulling out a chair for her. After sitting, he pulled one of the wrapped pieces out and handed it to her. “Turkey and provolone, no tomatoes.”

“That is my exact order at Sae’s Deli!” Katniss said as she unwrapped her half.

Peeta grinned. “It’s where I got it.”

“So—” She placed her sandwich down and turned to him. Peeta examined her, perfect posture, a heart-shaped face, and smooth shoulder-length waves greeted his appreciative eyes. “—why did your friend whistle at me?”

Peeta let out a breath.

“The first time I came by to examine this construction site, you came to your office,” he explained. “You were wearing a red romper and your hair was in a braid. You were about the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Ever since, I guess I just looked out for you. Finnick just happened to notice and thought he could help things along…”

Peeta waited for her to recoil or grimace. It sounded pathetic, the way he always made sure to look out for her black BMW in the mornings. However, to him, it was just not a good day if he didn’t see her lovely face, even if it was just through her car window.

“Did you want to have dinner?”

He turned to her, his jaw dropping. “What?”

Katniss blushed, her eyes going to her lap.

“I think you’re cute and I almost crashed my car looking at you,” she revealed slowly. “And it seems like a sign that we should look into whatever this is. Also—” Her eyes met his, glowing brightly. “No one has ever called me beautiful.”

“I find that hard to believe,” he said softly. “I would love to have dinner with you. You have to let me pay, though.”

“Is that some sort of manly-man bullshit?” she retorted with a grin.

“No, my mother would kill me if she found out that I didn’t pay on the first date,” Peeta explained. “She’d think that it would be a horrible start to our epic love story.”

“I like your mom already,” Katniss told him. “How’s six sound?”

“Perfect.”

“Katniss!”

They turned to find a pretty blonde and a dark-haired woman with a squared gaze approaching.

“My sister and one of my associates,” Katniss told him. She reached into her pocket, pulling out a small case and taking out a business card. “My cell number is on it—text me when you can, and we can go over details for tonight.”

“Sure,” he replied in a daze.

Taking her sandwich—they both had foregone eating—Katniss stood, but not before pressing a kiss to his cheek and giving him a breathtaking smile.

“I’m looking forward to tonight.”

+++++++

Over texts, Katniss and Peeta decided to meet at an Italian restaurant close to her apartment.

“I can’t believe you asked that guy out!” Johanna, her roommate and one of the other lawyers in the firm, said from her seat on Katniss’ bed. “You, who won’t even agree to coffee when any other man offers, asked a construction worker out to dinner.”

“He’s not just a construction worker,” Katniss protested. “He’s Peeta Mellark, a guy who I think is really nice and easy to talk to—”

“And let’s not forget the ass,” came a shout from Prim, who was searching in Katniss’ walk-in closet. “Don’t act like you weren’t looking at it when he got up to go back to work, Katniss.” Prim stepped into her bedroom, holding a deep-purple dress with a v-neckline and three-quarter sleeves. “I knew you tried to hide my birthday present! Put this on so he can rip it off you.”

Katniss scowled at her. “Who taught you to talk like that?”

“You did,” Prim retorted with a cheeky grin. “Now, go and get ready. I’ll lay out some underthings for you.”

Katniss headed towards her bathroom.

“Prim, I’m not sure how long it’s been since anyone’s been down there,” Johanna quipped. “You might want to pick something that covers that jungle.”

“I’m on it,” her sister replied as Katniss was about to close the door. “Tonight, we’re just emphasizing her boobs.”

“Good luck with that,” her friend retorted.

++++++

Their dinner was going surprisingly well.

Katniss hadn’t been on a date for almost a year and she had worried over the thought as she walked over to the restaurant

That was until she saw him.

Peeta cleaned up nicely, meeting her in a dark green sweater, fitted jeans, and brown oxfords. In his hand was a single pink peony, which he held out to her after kissing her cheek in greeting.

They both settled at their table, ordering quickly (eggplant parmigiana for her and lasagna for him) before falling right into easy conversation.

Peeta’s family owned the construction company that he worked for though, he was the only family member who worked onsite besides his father. Peeta’s mother worked at the home office as the company’s administrator. He had two brothers, one of which owned his own bakery business and ran it with his wife who had been his high school sweetheart.

“I think you’d like Delly,” he told her. “She’s very down-to-earth which works out perfectly because Rye is all sorts of insane. He’s the kind of guy who will wake up in the middle of the night to make the perfect chocolate cake. Luckily enough, Delly is the kind of girl who will stay up and write out everything he’s done because he’s forgotten by morning.”

“And, your other brother?”

“Runs a small hotel upstate. It’s the perfect place for Christmas,” Peeta said. “Andy and his partner Gale turned the place into one of the top hotels to experience wintertime. It does help that they both have a great sense of style.”

“So, your brother is—”

“Gay as the day is long as he would put it.” Peeta grinned. “He and Gale have been together forever. They’re one of the most stable couples I know.” He met her eyes. “How about you?”

“I grew up about an hour out of the city. My parents were high school sweethearts, married right out of high school. Had me about a year after their wedding and four years after me, Prim was born.”

Katniss stopped for a moment, taking a long sip. This part was always the hardest to explain.

“My father passed away when I was six and Prim was two,” she continued. “My mom brought us here to the city to stay with my Uncle Haymitch while she got back on her feet and find a job. We woke up the next day after arriving at his place and she was gone.”

“Oh God, Katniss—” Peeta reached over, covering her hand with his. “—I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t feel sorry for us. It was probably the best thing she could have done for us,” Katniss told him, her voice still a little thick. She gave him a wet smile. “Feel bad for my Uncle—single guy in his prime having to take on two young girls. Did you know when I got my period, he bought five different types of pads? I know, too much information—”

“I like learning about you, Katniss,” he told her. “Every little bit I’ve learned, I like.”

“I feel the same way.”

It was true. Everything she learned about man before her had only compounded the growing feelings inside her. Peeta was breath of fresh air in her staid routine and every bit of time with him made her feel like she was slowly coming back to life.

Peeta squeezed her hand, she didn’t realize their hands were still pressed together—but she didn’t mind it.

“Go on,” he urged with an eager smile. “Tell me more.”

“When I was in sixth grade, my uncle came for a parent-teacher conference and met my teacher, Effie Trinket. A year later, he married her. She’s great, got me through those tough girl years. She and my Uncle are disgustingly in love.” She snorted, taking a long sip of water. “That’s my odd little family.”

“Have you heard from your mom?” Peeta asked curiously.

Katniss shook her head.

“I don’t have a real desire to. I’m not mad at her anymore, but I can’t say I’d be thrilled to see her again. Prim doesn’t even remember her. She calls Uncle Haymitch and Aunt Effie Mom and Dad.” She sat back, giving him an embarrassed smile. “That was more unloading than I intended for a first date.”

“Honestly, I’ve been watching you for a while,” Peeta revealed. “Finnick is sick to death of hearing me talk about the gorgeous brunette next door. That’s why he whistled at you; it was to save his ears from my own insecurities when it came to you.” His face had gone red. “I know you’re some big-time lawyer and I’m just some guy—”

Katniss shook her head. “You’re not just some guy.”

Peeta grinned. “I hope not.”

After he paid for dinner, they decided to walk to her apartment since it was a warm night.

As they strolled down the block, his hand brushed against hers before carefully grasping her fingers. Katniss took the initiative, entwining their fingers together, and Peeta turned to her, lifting her hand to press a kiss to her knuckles.

She felt the heat rise up her body, her center twisting at the feel of his rough lips to her skin. She had to wonder how those lips would feel against the rest of her body, specifically between her thighs.

It had been a long time since she had sex.

“Nice place,” Peeta said as they approached the luxury apartment complex. “I know the company that worked on them, Beetee Latier is a smart guy and I’m willing to bet that this place is very up-to-date when it comes to virtual assistance.”

“I’ve never tried it, but Johanna has said that she can tell the apartment when it’s too cold,” Katniss told him offhandedly. “And it raises the temperature according to what is comfortable.” They stop outside the entrance and she turned to him. “Thanks for dinner and the conversation.”

“Thank you for giving me a chance,” Peeta replied.

His hand reached, cupping her cheek and his thumb brush against the edge of her bottom lip before dropping to his side. Katniss felt every nerve pulsate at his touch and she had desperately fought the urge to take his thumb into her mouth to taste him.

She wanted to ask him to come up, but her need to not seem so desperate dampened her longing.

Reaching into her purse, Katniss took out her keys, giving him a shy smile. She quickly kissed him on the cheek.

“Good night, Peeta.”

His hand reached to a tendril of her hair, caressing it with his fingers as if he were trying to memorize the feel of it between them.

When Peeta met her eyes, her breath caught at the desire in his darkened blues. “Good night, Katniss.”

“Fuck it—”

Katniss snapped, her keys dropping to the ground in a loud clink, as her arms wrapped around his neck and she pulled his mouth against hers. Peeta gasped in surprise before catching himself and circling his arms around her waist to pull her close.

He tasted delicious, her tongue surrounding his as she feasted on him. Her hand reached to grasp at his hair and the moan that tumbled from his mouth cause the fire inside her to flare. She had never wanted anything or anyone as much as she wanted the feel of him against her.

His lips slid off hers, pressing to her neck, his tongue sampling her.

“What are you doing to me, Katniss Everdeen?” he asked breathlessly, the intensity of his question sending shivers through her skin.

Katniss met his eyes, her chest heaving as she felt the rapid beat of her heart.

“I’m taking you upstairs.”

So, there’s going to be a 2nd part to this. I’m having too much fun.

Yeah, I’ve been shipping Gale with the eldest brother since TWC.

#mrspeetamellark #request #constructionworker!Peeta #lawyer!Katniss #Everlark #Everlark Fanfiction #Modern AU #Rated MA #Rated E in later part

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moldy-mold · 3 years

Text

Hello! It’s already May... Life updates - a roller coaster of emotions

A tempestuous, tearful April... Aghh the struggle has not eased up a bit. Living is just too expensive to be shouldered by part-time wages, meager freelance, and fickle confidence. My parents are disappointed - I’ve always tried to dodge the questions about my uncertain future. After all, I don’t have any answers.

What nearly broke my spirit was the humiliating scolding I received on my birthday. “You’re almost 30. Stop playing around at the cafe, don’t you know your bank account is nearly empty? How will you pay for this? If you can’t afford car insurance then just bike to work!” I didn’t even have time to think about how inconsiderate that was. In a daze, I hung up and went to my second part-time job that day.

Well, Dad, those are the questions I asked myself every single day. All I can do is keep trying even if you don’t believe in me. Because, despite everything, I still believe in myself.

Nothing good will come out of asking these punishing questions. I don’t know if things will get better or worse. Just gotta do what I can to get by as a small creature existing in this universe.

I learned to stop blaming myself for not being successful. Given the circumstances, I think the odds are stacked pretty high against most of us right now.

“Banish the nonsense. Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough.” - Annihilation

I’ve begun my investment journey! After studying how it all works I have come to understand the value of investing. It was one of my resolutions for this year and I’m glad I’ve achieved it.

My brother, a crypto enthusiast, knows my monetary plight and has been helping me out in the weirdest ways.

6 am text: “Hey Sis, you got $1000? Put it into Dogecoin... like NOW.”

I don’t like doing these kinds of high-risk-high-reward investments but what the heck, I was desperate. I applied for an account that can trade crypto.

In the end my account got rejected (there was no explanation) and I gave up. Because of course that would happen lol.

“Hey, do you have time to talk about the future?” “UM... are we breaking up???” “LOL don’t say it like that!”

My roommate / best friend decided she wanted to move to her own place and find her own way in life. Of course, my fragile heart, still tender from the previous month’s beating, took it very personally. I was reassured it wasn’t my fault - there are plenty of other valid reasons why.

We’ve been sharing an apartment for 6 years now, and although I knew it would happen someday, it was quite shocking to hear it being said to me in reality. At first, I laughed it off because I’ve been dreaming about moving out of the country anyway and it all works out. I’m an introverted, neat-freak, homebody! It’s perfect! But after a very pensive shower, I realized that I’m actually terrified to be without any companionship. Either way, I have to put my feelings aside because I don’t wanna hold her back from her dreams. I may have trouble accepting it now but hopefully I can genuinely be happy for her in time.

The Plant Life Please welcome Rokurou, the newest addition to my jungle.

It’s been a few weeks and he totally ate bugs already lol. Nice! I was thinking the smaller traps wouldn’t catch anything, but it turns out they’ve been doing the most work. The larger traps can’t catch ants or tiny gnats. They just crawl out after the trap snaps shut.

This venus fly trap is rather picky about what water he gets so I’ve been out there collecting rainwater in buckets JUST for him! Kind of a pain, but I will do whatever it takes to keep him alive.

It was a very tiny dream of mine to collect and care for carnivorous plants. If the shop had more varieties, I would probably buy them all.

I thought I was gonna die... Hostess for a day. One day while working at the cafe, this old Chinese man came in asking how much I made here. Then he told me if I work as a hostess/front desk person at his restaurant (which was next to the cafe, by the way), he will pay me more than the cafe. He slipped me $5 to go see him after my shift at 9pm. It was soooooo sketch. But I went anyway to at least hear him out after telling my roommate and my parents where I was going. You know... in case I die.

Luckily I didn’t die. It was a normal Chinese restaurant. I met the staff and they were all super cool and the mysterious old man goes by Mr. Lin.

Mr. Lin was very chill about it. He said I can have a trial run after my bakery shift on Saturday. If I don’t like it, I can just tell him no and he will pay me for my time.

I knew it was a bad idea to take another shift after a long shift at the cafe but I did it anyway. It was BUSY. Too busy for anyone to teach me how to be a hostess so I literally just had to guess what I’m supposed to be doing. It was kinda obvious though, showing people to their tables. I picked them at random bc I didn’t know if there was a method to seating people or not.

There are three different menus: Chinese, Korean and English and they’re ALL different. Depending on the nationality of who walks in, I have to decide for myself which menu to hand out. Uhhhhh despite being Asian myself, I cannot tell the difference between Korean and Chinese people lmao so I have to keep awkwardly asking people which menu they want. *screams*

The manager, Vincent, is so OP though. He knows exactly which menu to get every time. I was like HOW DO YOU KNOW?? He only responded with “working in the business for 24 years.”

Anyway, it was a long and confusing night of people thinking I am a waitress and me not knowing where the spoons are. But I don’t think this job is for me, even if it pays a lot.

There sure is plenty of demand for part-time food service workers and zero demand for full-time graphic designers... sigh. My journey doing random jobs in 2021 continues.

My brother graduated pharmacy school last week. In our culture, the older sibling’s shoulders is where all the expectations should rest. Maybe in another AU I would feel small and inferior to my younger and more successful sibling. But I don’t feel anything like that. In fact, if he can take care of my parents while I’m trying to figure out my own life, then I’m just more grateful to him. Maybe my parents don’t expect anything of me anymore, which is okay. Either way, my brother and I have each other’s backs.

Berseria I went into it with ZERO expectations because of its infamous predecessor, but I have come out pleasantly surprised. I liked it more than I thought. I’m at the end but I’m not done with the story yet.

I remember expressing my utter confusion about Zesty and everyone was like “play Berseria, it will answer a majority of your questions.” And boy, it did and I’m so glad. I loved all the throwbacks and references and lore that had to do with the previous game. Like, they really had something interesting going on here but it never quite came to fruition last time.

Is it just me, or did it take a very long time to understand all the battle mechanics? Like... I didn’t get the hang of the game until we got to Meirchio. Now I am quite good at playing Rokurou, my main. And it feels way more fun. I usually like mage characters in the old tales games but tbh I wasn’t really into it this time.

After we finish Bersy, we will be moving on to Xillia 2, our final Tales game! Gaius, I’m coming for you.

Xenoblade At the same time, I am also finishing up Xenoblade after spending nearly a year on it. I have weeks where I’m just grinding the side quests to unlock the skill trees. When I’m down, traveling and exploring in this game puts my worries to rest. Really though, the maps are so beautiful... And the music! T_T

This is one of the few games where I like every character pretty much equally, though Dundun and Riki win by just a little bit.

That’s it for now. Thanks for being here!

#diary

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fydream · 4 years

Text

even if it is, just for tonight | p. js

☌ genre: jisung x reader, slice of life(ish), fluff, angst?, high school!au? kinda.. i wouldn't say it's a college!au but it's the summer before you move to college, the mood is a teenage coming of age movie where the main characters sneak out and do things but like not illegal things yk, best friends to lovers because i'm a sucker for that!!, inspired by life is strange episode 3 + we go up era/the we go up mv teaser + the perks of being a wallflower, mentions of ex-boyfriend!jaemin, say hi to skater boy!renjun!!! also say hi to college boy!johnny!! they're more of a touch and go but they'd appreciate a hello :-)

☌ songs/playlist: 🎵(yes these go in order of the story,,, the most important songs though are "aint it fun by" paramore and "fallingforyou" by the 1975 and maybe "is there somebody who can watch you" also by the 1975)

☌ word count: 7.3k!!

☌ warnings: food mention, cursing, uhh breaking and entering? i wouldnt really say that but it's more off you jumping a fence and trespassing lol, also this is semi proof read lmao sorry

☌ author note: this is dedicated to my dear friend cam!! (@huangsilks) happy birthday i love you <333 here's a lil fic bc ur senior year got cut short and as much as i wish i could give it to you, i cant, and im so sorry about that. so take this fic in return <33 mwah // all i want to do is live in a teen coming of age movie is that too much to ask for? and that's on the media romanticizing your teenage years!

☌ disclaimer: this has no relation to htbah!jisung at all. this is a completely different universe. thank you.

─ 10:45pm;

The last day of summer vacation is always fun until you realize that the sun has started to set and the inevitability of tomorrow starts creeping into your thoughts.

So what were you doing on your last day (or night in this case) of summer? You weren't doing anything special, just looking through your room and going through the various photos you had put up on your walls, recalling past memories from your previous years in high school.

Tomorrow night you were leaving your small town and moving across the country to attend college. Needless to say you were excited to move away and get a fresh start but the one thing you weren't ready for was to say goodbye to everyone.

You didn't have a going away party like everyone else, you decided not to because that meant you were actually leaving. Though your bags were packed and your room was put together, it didn't feel like you were going to college. The realization hasn't hit yet, it just felt like another normal night. You were busy looking through one of the memory boxes you had in your room when you felt your phone buzz, indicating you've gotten a text.

[sungie: hey]

[sungie: wanna go on an adventure?]

[you: wtf? the sun set already, if i get caught i'm done for!]

[sungie: c'mon.. live a little]

[sungie: im picking you up in five, get ready :)]

Park Jisung. Your best friend since, well, since elementary. He's the boy who you grew up with, the boy who you happened to survive all of high school and middle school with, he's also the boy who happened to capture your heart doing the simplest things you could imagine.

He was your first crush, but not your first boyfriend.

He also happened to be the boy who was always there for you, no matter what. So if you were going to spend your last night in the town you grew up in, why not spend it with your best friend, Park Jisung himself?

Seeing as that he was already on his way, it left you with no choice. Grabbing the closest hoodie near you, you silently made your way to your front door where you slipped on your shoes before heading outside as quietly as you could.

It takes a few minutes before you see a familiar car pull up on your childhood street. Approaching the vehicle, you hear music playing that's only being muffled due to the windows that are rolled up and the doors being shut closed.

"Hey." He says lowering the volume as you open the door to his passenger seat. "Are you ready?"

"You're fucking insane." You snort as you buckle your seatbelt. "Wake up my whole neighborhood why don't you?"

"I mean.. Only if you want me too.." He teases, placing his hand on his car horn.

"Don't you dare!" You squeal, trying to grab his wrist before he could attempt to wake up your whole neighborhood. To no avail, you failed which resulted in a fit of laughter from him.

"C'mon. Live a little." He says once more before driving away from your. house, turning out of your neighborhood and onto the empty streets.

"Where are we going?" You ask, watching the streetlights pass by.

"It's a surprise."

"That's so ominous."

"I know."

"Could you at least give me a hint?" You whine.

"I'll give you one word."

"I'll take whatever I can get."

"Okay, the word is playground."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" You ask, shooting him a glare.

"Hey! you said you'll take what you can get, and I'm giving you one word." He defends.

"You're annoying." You mumble, turning away from him to look back out the window.

"So I've been told." He snorts, focusing his attention back on the road.

Your first stop of the night is the playground of your elementary school.

It was kind of unexpected because the last time you were here was probably when you attended school here, years ago. To be honest, you were expecting to be taken to the park near your house. The playground there was mostly abandoned due to all the kids on your street growing up, you would still see other children playing on the swings or sliding down one of the tube slides but those were on good days. Most of the time it was just empty.

"School?" You ask confused, watching as Jisung unbuckles his seatbelt and opens his door to step outside, you doing the same. "Jisung, we're way to big for this playground, you know that. Why are we even here?"

"You'll see." He says, grabbing your hand to drag you over towards the gate that they used to fence off the playground. ”Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?" You ask, earning a wink in response. "Oh my god.. Jisung no!"

Before you could realize what was about to happen, the hand that Jisung was using to hold yours was now being used to help pull himself over the chain linked fence that lead to your school's playground. After successfully throwing himself over the top of the fence and landing on the other side with a light thud, he smiles at you. "Your turn."

"What the hell?! No way!" You protest. "I can't even climb a fence! You know this!"

"Actually. That's false." He confidently states, knowing he’ll win this argument. "You climbed a fence Junior year when you were hanging out with Johnny Suh and his friends."

"What? Who told you that?!" You exclaim.

"Just a little someone who's name begins with a little 'Ren' and ends with 'Jun.'" He says playfully, sending you a little wink.

"That brat!" You whisper yell. "That’s the last time I tell Renjun something.." You add, mumbling.

"So, your turn." He repeats, gesturing towards the gate in front of you.

"I can't believe I'm fucking doing this." You mumble before continuing to hoist yourself over the metal fence. Your landing wasn’t as smooth as Jisung’s, seeing as you almost lost balance trying to get down from the top resulting in Jisung having to catch you so you didn’t break an ankle or something.

"See? That wasn't so bad." He snorts, letting you go.

"I hate you." You scoff. "Why are we even here again?"

"I'm glad you asked." He says smiling, grabbing your hand once more. This time, instead of leading you to a fence you had to jump be brings you to a small play structure. It takes you approximately a minute for you to realize where you were and where he was taking you.

"Right here." He says pointing to a red tube slide. "Our first stop of the night. This is where we first met, remember? You practically shoved me down this slide because you wanted to go down it and I was in your way."

You chuckle as the first memory of you and your best friend plays. "Of course? How could I not remember? I got called into the office afterwards because some kid told one of the teachers that I was bullying you. To this day, I still don't know who told on me."

“It was Wendy, if you wanted to know.” He adds. “She told me after she told on you.” He shrugs.

“Of course it was..” You mumble, hopping up to sit against one of the bottom steps that led up to the slide.

"Is this what we came here for?" You ask, looking up at the boy who was currently climbing up the side of the playground structure.

"Ding ding ding! We have a winner!" He yells loud enough for anyone in a five mile radius hear. Maybe it’s because of how quiet it is at this time of night, or maybe it’s because he just got louder whenever he was with you. But those were besides the point, if there were any cops around right now you two would definitely have gotten caught thanks to Jisung.

He makes his way to a safer spot, where he can jump down from the top of the playground. Despite the fact he moved you still scold him for his reckless actions. "Don't do that!! You’re going to get hurt! What happens when you jump off of something and finally break your ankle, hm?"

Jisung shrugs in response. "Well you see, it hasn’t happened yet. You can even check, I’m fine. It’s okay."

"You stress me out, you know." You scoff, turning away from him to walk towards the monkey bars that were once too tall for you, but now are nothing compared to your height.

"I know." He shouts from across the playground. Because of how quiet it was with just you two being there in the dead of night you could hear his footsteps along the playground structure. You could hear it creak every now and then, making you wonder if it was Jisung causing then noises of if it was just because of how old the structure is. You think about how long it's been here, how many children have played in the exact spots you were standing in and how many more will until they decide to finally remodel or get rid of it.

"It's been ages since I've been here." You whisper, running your hand along the cool, metal railing as you climb the short steps that lead up to the top, where Jisung was waiting for you.

"I know right? Do you remember this spot?" He asks, taking a seat on the platform, which barely has enough room for both of you. "We used to sit here and gossip about who we thought were cute in the fifth grade." He snorts.

"Yeah.. And when people tried to come up here you'd yell at them for the password." You laugh. "That was really fun. A simpler time." You add, going back replaying through some of your memories which were long forgotten.

For the next couple minutes you and Jisung just sit there, reminiscing to when you were both small children, where your only worry was your guy's spot on the playground being stolen.

“This is nice..” You think to yourself. “It feels the same, just like the good old days.”

"Uhm." Jisung coughs, getting your attention. "We better get going. There are more stops to go and well, we don't have all night do we?"

"Oh. Yeah." You sigh, not wanting to get up from your spot. "Where are we going now?" You ask.

"You'll see." He says, flashing you a grin.

You smile, rolling your eyes at the boy in front of you, who was now attempting (and failing) to slide down the slide in front of you.

"It’s not slippery anymore." He frowns.

"Well, yeah." You giggle, making your way down the same way you came up. "It's been years Sungie. What'd you expect?"

"I dunno. The same amount of slipperiness?"

"You're silly." You tease, lightly pinching his cheek. "Let's go." You’re about to walk away when Jisung grabs your wrist, stopping you from waltzing away to his car.

"Are you sure?" He asks. "You were kinda hesitant to jump a fence you’ll sure you'll be ready to do whatever else I have planned for tonight?" He teases.

"Depends." You hum. "Are we going to get into any kind of trouble?"

"That's up to us."

"Then of course I'm down." You say, dragging him back the way you entered.

─ 12:23am;

The next stop is in the city near your small town. To be more specific it's the rooftop of one of the many parking garages your city has. Jisung's car is the only car parked right now due to the time being nearly twelve thirty in the morning, and you just can't help but wonder why you spent the last half an hour driving to an empty parking garage.

"Okay Park Jisung, why are we here?" You ask, leaning against the railing to look outwards for any sign of reason.

"Well first of all, if you're looking for the reason why you're on the wrong side." He chuckles, leading you towards the opposite side of the rooftop. "And if you look to your left you'll see a small venue." He says in one of those touristy guide voices, earning a giggle from you.

"Hey! Isn't that where we-"

"Saw our first concert?" He cuts you off, finishing your sentence.

"Yeah.. I remember that night. We skipped school that day to make sure we made barricade." You snort.

"It was definitely worth missing a pop quiz and two weeks of being grounded." Jisung comments.

"You act like you didn't sneak out every night during those two weeks." You joke, lightly punching his arm.

He gives you a small pout and a fake "ow." in response. "Well, yeah?" He replies. "How else was I going to see my best friend?"

"Anyone ever told you you're annoying?" You ask rolling your eyes, leaving the edge of the rooftop to walk towards the center.

"Mmm." He hums, looking up to indicate that he was thinking. "I don't think so."

"Well, you are." You say before asking "So why the rooftop?"

"I'm glad you asked." He starts, pulling out a tiny speaker from his jacket pocket. "Remember how you said you were kinda sad that we haven't gone to a concert in a while?"

"Mhm."

"Well congratulations y/n l/n because here I have a tiny speaker that'll make it feel like we're having our own mini concert on the top of this garage building tonight!" He exclaims in a fake announcer voice.

Giggling, you smile at him before going along with the joke. "Oh wow? My own private concert? Right here? Right now? With the only relevant person in my life? How could I even think about passing that up!?"

Jisung snorts before handing you the wireless speaker, allowing you to connect your phone to it. The first song you play is "Ain't It Fun" by Paramore for the sole being of it being that song.

"Paramore?" Jisung asks, a bit confused on why you chose this song out of all things to play.

You smile at him before placing the speaker on the ground. Taking both his hands you say, "Jisung. It's fucking Paramore! Do you not remember this song? This is the one we used to blast on my speakers in my bedroom whenever we had a good day. I miss that. Now c'mon! Dance with me!" You giggle, dragging him away from the speaker and to an emptier spot in the parking lot. And so he does. It's not any choreography or anything, it's just you two jumping around on a rooftop to one of your feel good songs. A carefree moment to be exact, where it feels like nothing really matters anymore.

Jisung smiles, backing away from you to watch as you jammed your heart out. If anything, he would give everything just for you to have this moment forever. He knows how stressful life can be, not to mention how hard you worked just to barely make it into your dream school. He also knows how hard it is to feel alone, so he really isn't surprised that your chose thing song because it was your song. Jisung knows a lot more than you could ever know, so if it means he only has one night left to give you everything, then so be it.

Before you know it you watch as he runs towards you, engulfing you in a hug. Shocked, you try your best to look up towards the boy who had you in his arms. If you weren't this close to him you probably wouldn't have noticed the slight glossy look over his eyes, deciding not to touch on it for now and just accept the hug as the song fades into background noise.

"You're leaving tomorrow." Jisung whispers, before pulling apart from the hug, placing his hands on your shoulders. "You're leaving, tomorrow." He states once more this time, more softly while looking at you in the eyes. "You're gonna go off to some college and find a new, maybe get a new boyfriend, and even get a life of your own."

"You know I'll never replace you." You respond back, voice barely above a whisper. You were looking at the cement on the ground or the buildings that were only light being lit up by the various lights around or the night sky, which you definitely haven't seen in a while. You were looking anywhere, everywhere that wasn't your best friend, because you knew for a fact if you looked at him in this moment you would cry.

"But hey," You say speaking up, finally getting the courage to look him in the eye. "That all starts tomorrow. I'm still here right? We still have what? Like twelve hours? So let's make the most of it while we still can, okay?"

Jisung looks down at you before giving you a sad smile. "Actually it's seventeen hours." He sniffs, letting out a light laugh.

"Okay? So? I've got seventeen hours to spare, do you have seventeen hours to spare?" You ask, teasingly.

"You can have all my time in the world, y/n." Jisung replies, pulling you back into the hug.

"Glad to know." You giggle. "Because I'm willing to give you all of mine."

Soon enough the song ends and you hear the beginning of Fallingforyou by The 1975 start to play.

"Hey," Jisung whispers. "I- Uhm. You know this song reminds me of you?" He says.

"It's does?" You ask, voice muffled due to the fact you were speaking into his chest. "Why?"

"Oh god." He starts. "You can't make fun of me for this though." He says pulling away from the hug.

"I won't. I promise."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

"Okay well.." He starts, walking away from you. "Here goes nothing.." There's hesitation in his voice and you can't tell if it's because what he was going to say would hurt you or if he just never planned on telling you. It's silent for a few seconds before he breathes in and let's out a sigh.

"I used to like you, y'know."

Though this is just the start of his sentence you wonder why it already began to hurt. Perhaps it could be because he started his thought off with 'I used to like you.' Used to, meaning not anymore.

"Back in the beginning of Sophomore year, when I saw that you started dating Na Jaemin I realized how much I liked you. And when I saw how much you were with him and how much fun you were having with him I couldn't help but wish that were me.. I couldn't help but wonder what would've happened if I figured out my feelings before you got with him. And even after you two broke up, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if I just confessed to you, out of the blue."

"Is that so?" You ask, walking towards the boy who was now seated on the hood of his car.

"Yeah." He whispers, looking down so he didn't have to face you.

"Well, then I have a confession to make." You state, hoping onto the empty space next to him to take a seat. "I used to like you to."

"You did?"

"I did." You hesitantly state.

"Oh.." He whispers. "How long ago?"

"A while ago." You say softly. "I never wanted to risk anything because I didn't want it to affect our friendship. I didn't want to imagine what would happen if we ended up breaking up on a bad note. I didn't want to risk losing my best friend."

"Oh." He sighs.

"What do you think would've happened if we dated?" You ask.

"I dunno actually. I mean, I don't think much would really change.. We're already pretty close, and we basically act like a couple anyways. Just look at us right now." Jisung responds.

You didn't realize it but currently you were snuggled up against his side, with his arm wrapped around you. If Jisung didn't point it you probably wouldn't have noticed. "We do everything together, and we always bring each other gifts. We even went to prom together, remember?"

"Well yeah.. as friends."

"That's besides the point. I'm talking about how people see us y/n. Go ask anyone, Donghyuck thought we were dating."

"He doesn't count. Donghyuck thinks everyone is dating." You snort.

"Okay, then ask Renjun. The reason why he told me you jumped that fence was because he thought that Johnny was gonna steal you from me."

"He did?"

"Yeah. His exact words were 'You're girlfriend just jumped a fence to hang out with J. Suh and them. I'd be careful if I were you, Johnny's known to steal each other's girls.' You should've seen how confused I was and how awkward it was to explain to him that we weren't a couple." Jisung laughs. "He was so confused."

"He thought we were dating?"

"Yeah."

"Jisung." You state, looking up at him. "This is my last night here. And before you tell me to shut up and enjoy the moment I want to tell you one thing, okay? It's really really important to me and I feel like if I don't tell you this right now, I may never will."

"Geez, you're dramatic." He jokes. "What's so important anyways?"

"I still like you."

"Oh.." He whispers. "Oh? Wai-Wait. You still like me?"

You nod.

"Like.. like-like?"

"Yes, like like-like." You chuckle.

"O-Oh.."

There's a moment of silence before anyone says anything else. The only things making noise are the sound of distant cars that you hear drive by, along with the wind as it decides to pick up a slight breeze. Your phone is still playing music but you can barely hear it over your light breathing, which to you, sounds like the loudest thing on world. Your head is occupied with thoughts on why you decided to confess right now and Jisung is left trying to process what you just told him. It only lasts for a few seconds, a minute at most, but it feels like an eternity.

"Hey y/n?" He says softly. You snap your head up, looking towards him. Half of you is ready to hear whatever he has to say while the other half of you is worried that you just ruined everything with four little words. "Yeah?" You ask as your voice cracks a little.

"I still like you too."

"You do?"

"I do."

"So the question becomes, what are we?" You whisper, looking back down at the ground. "I leave tomorrow."

"That doesn't mean anything.." Jisung mumbles.

"What are you talking about? Yes it does. It means everything."

"No, it doesn't." He states, jumping off of his car hood to stand in front of you. "Think about it, you leave tomorrow right?"

"Yeah.."

"Well, like you said. You're still with me right now and we've still got-" He stops, taking a second to glance at his phone to check the time. "About sixteen and a half hours to spare.. So, why not make the most of it?"

"What are you implying?"

He sighs, taking a step closer to you to grab both your hands and pull you off his car hood himself. "Will you, y/n l/n, be my girlfriend? Even if it is, just for tonight?"

You squeeze his hands, unsure of what to say. Of course you want to say yes, this is one of the moments you've been waiting for! Something you never expected to happen! So why were you feeling so unsure?

Maybe it's because you knew this wouldn't last forever, or maybe it's because it was your best friend. Either way, each option had it's pros and cons. You just couldn't figure out which ones outweighed the other.

If you say yes, then you would've got to experience your long term crush being your boyfriend. But it also meant it would end in less than 24 hours, and what if you didn't want that? Sure long distance is an option, but would you be able to do it?

If you say no.. Then what would happen? Would tonight just end up awkward? You didn't want to pine after some boy for so long, and you sure didn't want Jisung to feel embarrassed, especially since both of you just confessed to each other.

So what do you say? You don't have all the time in the world to pick an answer.

"If I were to say yes.." You say, speaking up. "Do you promise nothing will change between us afterwards? Will we still be friends after that?"

"We can be friends." He says. "Or we can be more than friends. We can be whatever you want. I just want you to be happy."

You sigh, letting go of his hands, only taking a second to look at him.

"What?" He asks, moving to get closer to you.

"Nothing." You sigh. "Just thinking."

"About what?"

"About.. us.. You know.. What are we going to do once the sun comes up?"

"Cry and then kiss some more?" He jokes, hoping to lighten the mood a bit.

"Sungie.. I'm being serious. What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know, y/n. If I'm going to be honest I don't want to think about it either.. I didn't think that far ahead!"

"I know you didn't but we have to talk about it. It's bound to happen."

"What is?"

"Us.. breaking up.."

"You didn't even accept my offer and you're already thinking about us breaking up?" He asks. In his head it sounded okay, but by the look on your face he can tell it came off differently.

"What?" You ask.

"We could always do long distance y'know.."

"Sungie. Look at me." You sigh, looking at him in the eyes. "I'm moving across country and you're staying here, without me. What did you think was going to happen?"

"I didn't think anything was going to happen! I just wanted to spend one night with you as my girlfriend!" He yells, and you take a step back at the sudden volume change.

"You expected me to say yes?"

"No! Of course not! I didn't even plan any of this! I prepared for the worst, but then you brought up the whole liking thing and it just.. I don't know?! Gave me hope?"

"I don't know.. what'll happen when the sun comes up, y/n. I don't know what'll happen at all. I just want you to be happy.. and if that means we have to finish this night as just friends, then I'll be okay with that. We can pretend like nothing happened and we can just go on-"

"What if I don't wanna pretend like nothing happened?" You ask, cutting him off.

"What if.. I wanna say yes, but I'm just too scared to?"

"Why would you be scared?" He asks.

"Because.. if I do.. and this happens to be the best night of my life.. I don't want it to end."

"The answer I want to give you is, 'it doesn't have to end.' but that would just be a broken promise on my part." He sighs, giving you a sad smile. "But the answer I will give you is, we can make the most of it, but that's only up to you. So I'm asking you again, y/n l/n. Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes." You sigh, nodding your head reluctantly.

He pulls you into a hug and even though it's just a hug, it's one of the best hugs you've ever experienced. It's more on the comforting side, which would explain why you felt warm and at home. But it different from the hugs you've shared before.

"So where are we off to now?" You ask, ready to officially start tonights adventure. It comes out more muffled due to the fact that you're still holding each other.

"You're so eager." Jisung pouts. "Can't we just stay like this for a while?"

"I suppose so.. It's nice."

─ 3:06am;

The third stop of the night is diner just a couple minutes away from your high school. It's open 24hours meaning you'd see students come here after dances and school events, two of them being you two. One of the convenient things about this place was that it also had a small arcade connected to it. Maybe it was just a marketing strategy, but it worked so this is where you spent the majority of your free time.

"Hungry?" He asks, pulling up in the parking spot in front of the entrance door.

"Why are we here?" You ask, glancing over at the radio to check the time. "It's three am.."

"So?" He asks. "Let me take you on a date. We can even share a milkshake if you'd like." He teases.

"How romantic." You snort.

"Y/n!! I'm being serious!" He whines. "Do you know how badly I've wanted to take you on a date here?"

"Well.. Technically we have gone on one, multiple to be exact." You claim.

"Oh yeah? Name them."

"Our study sessions for SAT's?"

"I meant a proper date! You call suffering together while we complain about the future a proper date?!" He exclaims.

"Okay then how about all the times we came here after a dance or sport event hmm?" You ask.

"Those don't count! We went as friends!"

"I like to count them as dates.." You admit. "After all, they're the best ones I've been on."

"Oh really?" He asks. "Better than the ones that Na Jaemin has taken you on?"

"Uh, yeah? Of course?"

"Take that Jaemin!" He exclaims, causing you to giggle.

"What's your deal with him anyways?" You ask, curious on what he has to say.

"Well.. he's the person I'm competing with, right? For best boyfriend?"

You roll your eyes. "It's not a competition. Besides, if it was, then you'd automatically win." You tease. "So are we going on a date or what?"

Jisung giggles. "Yeah. Let's go."

The diner is empty. There isn't anyone but a lone police officer, drinking a cup of what you assumed to be coffee; two girls who happen to look like they're on a date, and another boy, who seemed to be around you and Jisung's age, working on paper of some sort.

Taking your seat in a familiar spot you look past Jisung (who was seated in front of you) and out the window behind him. You still have a few more hours until the sun comes up, but seeing the moon slowly make it's way down hurts just a bit.

"Hey." Jisung says, drawing your attention back at him. "You zoned out a bit there, you're not falling asleep on me are you?" He teases.

"Pffft! You wish!" You say a little bit too loudly, earning a glare from the cop seated a few booths away from you.

"So about that milkshake.." You trail off. "What flavor did you get?"

"Strawberry."

You scrunch your nose at his answer. "Why?"

"I dunno." He shrugs. "It's pink, I thought it'd be romantic."

"You're cute."

"I know."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"I'll take it as one."

"I- Nevermind."

"Whaaat?"

"You're lucky you're cute."

"You think I'm cute?"

You scoff at him. "Of course I do."

"Ah, okay. Cause I think I'm cute too." He snickers.

"Hey!" You gasp, earning a light laugh from him.

"It's okay I think you're cute too." He says scrunching his nose.

You stick your tongue out at him, looking away to fake being upset.

"Ah boo hoo. Don't be like that."

You're just about to argue back when the waitress who took your order earlier places down the milkshake that Jisung ordered in the middle of you two. She also drops two straws on the table along with it. Both of you thank her and after she leaves you decide to ask Jisung a question.

"Hey Sungie?" You ask, ripping off the paper wrapping to your straw. "Why this place?"

"You're kidding me, right?"

With a smile, you shake your head no at his response and he lets out a sigh.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah!" You nod. "Why?:

"This is where I realized that I was in love with you."

It takes a second for you to process what he had just said. It doesn't hit you right away but the more that you think about it, the more you realize what he meant.

"O-Oh.. Here?" You ask, as if you were unsure of where you were.

He nods in response and watches as you try to put together the pieces of how he figured out he loved you.

"Why?" You ask. "It's not like we've done anything special here. The most we've done is come here after prom.. and the rest of the dances I guess, but prom is the only one that I can really think about."

He giggles. "It doesn't have to be a big event for it to mean something y'know. I realized I was in love with you the summer going into sophomore year. You remember how we came here that night? After I so happened to convince you to sneak out and come to the movies with me?"

"Duh!" You exclaim. "How can I ever forget that?! I had to climb out my fucking window for you, do you know how scary that was? And we had to walk all the way there because neither of us could drive yet!"

"Hey in my defense I said that Johnny could've driven us. You just didn't wanna get caught!"

You roll your eyes at him. "No. That is not why, and hey! Don't try to make this conversation about me! You're the one who's supposed to be explaining stuff right now!"

"Damn." He scoffs. "Ya caught me. Well, anyways, before I was rudely interrupted-"

"You're the one who asked me a question!" You defend.

Ignoring you, he continues. "You remember how we were sitting in this spot, complaining about sophomore year before it even started?"

You nod.

"Well you were going off on some kind of rant- I don't even remember what it was about- but you just kept talking and you didn't seem to notice that I wasn't listening because I was too busy admiring how you looked. Maybe it was because it was the middle of the night, and both of us were very much sleep deprived but for some reason, it just hit me. I don't remember what it was about you, but it was that moment when I realized 'oh my god. this is what it's like to be in love.' y'know? Like you're finally realizing what it's like to be in love with someone, rather than just loving someone. Do you get what I mean?"

You shake your head no.

"Oh c'mon!" He whines. "I can't be the only one who knows what I'm talking about! It's like finally realizing what all the love songs are about, it's just like.. some kind of feeling! And it was just different how I felt from you, being my best friend, and you, being the person I had a crush on. I don't know how to explain it.. but it was just.. amazing."

"Yeah?" You ask.

"Yeah." He nods.

"Is that so? Well.. then maybe I do know what you're talking about."

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"You just did it."

"Wha- huh?! What did I do?"

"You're cute." You giggle.

"You weren't listening, huh?" He says, smiling.

"Nope! Not at all."

"So you do know what I'm talking about then?"

"Of course I do."

"You're so cute." He giggles.

"I know." You respond.

"I'm glad we agree."

─ 5:22am;

The last stop of the night is some place familiar. You didn't expect this location as much as you did others, so when Jisung decided to park here you didn't know what else to say.

"We're at.. your place?"

"Yeah." He nods, walking towards the gate that lead to his backyard.

"We're not going inside?" You ask, confused on where you were going.

"Pffft. Inside? Why would we go in there? Now c'mon, let's go."

Following Jisung into his backyard is nice. You see a lot of roses and plants that hug the side of his house. As you continue to walk you get various memories from when you two would hang out back here, before you got bored and decided that there was more to the world than Jisung's backyard.

"Okay. Do you want to go first? Or do you want me to?" He asks once you reach a ladder that lead to the roof of his house.

"You chose a ladder?" You whine. "Why didn't we just climb out one of your windows or something?"

"Because y/n!" He teases. "Where's the fun in that? Besides we've already done that before, why not do something different tonight?"

"You mean climb a ladder to sit on your roof instead of climbing out your bedroom window like we normally do?"

"See you do get me! That's exactly what I'm saying." He exclaims. "Now c'mon, up we go!" He smiles.

It's nicer than you expected. You don't know how or when he did it but he already had not one, but two blankets prepared. You assumed he put it here before he left to pick you up or he just asked one of your friends to leave them here. Judging by the fact that they didn't feel freezing cold, and that the ladder was already propped up to the side of his house when you got here, you assumed he asked Renjun or Jeno to leave them here.

"So.." You start.

"Please don't ask why I chose my own house." He jokes.

"Okay well first of all, I wasn't." You defend. "I was gonna ask what are we doing on your roof at five in the morning, but now that you mention it.. Why did you choose your house? We could've gone to so many other places."

He gives you a confused look, allowing you to ask, "What?"

"Please tell me the second question was a joke." He sighs.

You give him a smile and he pats the empty spot next to him, signaling for you to take a seat.

"Okay y/n, since you wanna know so badly, I'll tell you, yeah?" He asks, clearly annoyed at the fact that he chose his own house for gods sake.

You giggle. "You don't have to answer it you know. I know why."

"Okay, then I'll ask you. Why?"

"Because," You tease in a sing-songy voice. "Where else would we have gone? Technically, we started tonight at my place so why not end it with yours? We've spent a significant amount of time together, right?" You ask and he gives you a nod in return.

"Exactly. So it would just make sense that we have two halves of one whole, right? You pick out the places, and I bring back the memories. Right?" You explain.

"Congratulations. You've figured it out."

"Of course?" You giggle.

"Do you wanna know why we're up here though?" He asks.

"Yeah sure, why not?"

"It's because we can see the sunrise better from here. Yeah we used to just sit on the roof and talk in the middle of the day, or we'd watch the sun set, but we've never really watched it rise together before, y'know?"

"Really?" You ask. "Are you sure about that? We've pulled all nighters together before!"

"Yeah but one of us is either half asleep or just not paying attention."

"Hmm. I guess you're right about that." You hum.

"Do you promise we'll get a pretty sunrise?" You ask.

"Christ y/n. I don't control the weather! Who do I look like, mother nature?"

"Hey, mother nature is badass!" You scold. "She could literally end everything right here, right now."

"I suppose so." He hums, wrapping an arm around you to pull you closer to him. You rest your head against him and for a while you two just sit there in silence, no words just being said. Just the sounds of your breathing plus some birds chirping due to the current time. It's nice and comfortable. It feels like home.

You feel yourself about to start falling asleep when Jisung starts talking.

"I'm really gonna miss you.. y'know." He sighs, turning his head to look at you. If he didn't know you any better he'd think you actually fell asleep, it's only the sound of you humming the word "yeah?" that informs him you're still awake.

"What's the thing you're gonna miss most about me?" You ask.

"You expect me to chose one?" He asks, only earning another hum in response.

"Okay.. Well.. For starters, I'm going to miss seeing you everyday. I'm gonna miss not being able to text my best friend 'hey let's hangout today' and then just sitting in my room playing Mario Kart with you for the next three hours. I'm gonna miss your little roasts that you'd pull on me whenever I do anything stupid. I'm gonna miss our boba runs we used to have each week. I'm gonna miss causing chaos on the rest of our friends because how else are they going to prepare for trouble if there isn't two of us? There's so many things that I'm gonna miss about you that I could just go on and on about but we don't have enough time for that." He sighs.

"Really.. I'm just gonna miss you."

A second passes before Jisung decides to speak up again. "Are you gonna miss me too?"

"That's a silly question." You sigh. "Of course I am dummy. You expect me to not miss you? What am I gonna do without my partner in crime? My best friend and technically my boyfriend? You expect me to move across country and not miss you at all? Are you insane?!"

"Only a little." He jokes, earning a light punch from you.

"If I could take you with me I would."

"So why don't you?"

"Where are you gonna live? My fucking closet? I can't let you do that, you'll get too cramped in there." You joke.

"I guess.." He pouts.

"So.. What's gonna happen.. between us?" He asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, we're watching the sun rise, aren't we?"

"I guess.. I just didn't expect it to fly by that fast.." You mumble.

Another moment of comfortable silence passes before either of you say anything. This one lasts for about ten minutes, fifteen at most, with the only sounds being your shallow breathing catching your attention. It's comforting, just being like this. Laying on Jisung's side while having his arm wrapped around you and a blanket hugging you both. The wind picks up a breeze every now and then making you shiver a bit due to the lack of warmth but that only makes you snuggle closer to Jisung in hopes of stealing his body heat.

"Thank you.. for tonight." You whisper. "It's all I could've asked for."

"I'm really glad you liked it. I'm just happy I got to spent time with you before you left." He chuckles.

"I'm gonna miss you."

"Yeah?"

"So much."

The sunrise is pretty. It's one of the best ones you've seen in your entire life. It consisted of pinks, and yellows, and a little bit of purple. Though there were wispy clouds in it, it was like the earth was telling you it's okay to move on and go. Some may say it would be a perfect way to end a beautiful night, or in your case, the perfect way to say goodbye.

#fydream #neowritingsnet #nct dream imagines #nct dream fluff #nct dream x reader #nct dream fanfic #nct dream soft hours #nct dream timestamps #nct dream scenarios #nct dream blurbs #jisung imagines #jisung fluff #jisung x reader #jisung fanfic #jisung soft hours #jisung timestamps #jisung scenarios #jisung blurbs

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desticuleconfessions · 4 years

Note

hey desticule. so i have a supernatural-themed girl best friends story that i’ve wanted to share for a long time, especially because none of my irl friends ever rly understood the gravity of this experience w/o the context of spn. there’s a lot of fun parallels to stuff on the show, and its given me like years of brain rot and therapy lmao. so i really deeply appreciate this page as an outlet, thank you so much to the mods for making it. anyways uh. here goes. sorry it’s so long.

[tw: queer trauma, religious trauma, mental illness]

okay so. in 3rd grade i met this girl. we'll call her kate. we became best friends, as in our names were never spoken separately, we did (and won) every science fair together, she came skiing with my family every winter, i stayed with her family at their beach house in the summers, our younger siblings were friends, etc.

our birthdays were exactly 6 months apart (jan 22/jul 22) so we literally believed that we were celestially intertwined.

we wrote a novel together in 8th grade. her family is baptist, we attended massachusetts catholic schools. i would go to church with her family when i slept over, i held hands and said grace with them at meals. they are all tall and blonde and beautiful. classically angelic. i am south asian. i remember introducing her to harry potter in the 4th grade, her mother hadn't let her read em because it was "blasphemous", but i snuck her my copies and she would read them during lunch n recess and keep them in my locker. sorry this seems like a lot of unnecessary detail but it will be important later.

anyways we both got into doctor who and subsequentally supernatural (s1-8?9 at the time). i specifically remember getting her into supernatural. i also remember her instinctive disdain for destiel when i talked about it, i was showing her a meta or fanfic i think, and i talked her through undoing some of her christian household’s internalized homophobia (fully assuming we were both straight at this point) (we were fucking 12). we'd do the whole "bitch" "jerk" thing, i (the older one) affectionately called her 'sammy', her phone password was dean, mine was cas (and they still are). on my 13th birthday, she gifted me a samulet, which i still wear to this day. (additionally, she gave me a vonnegut 'so it goes' necklace one year) (thats not vital but) (goes to show the extent of my dean coding) (im also an aquarius lmao). im highly protective of her. i carry extra rubber bands on my wrist for her. i keep our money and phones in my jacket when the school takes us skiing. i sit next to her in the halls during lunch and organize her binder. on an 8th grade field trip, a boy made a gross comment at her and i broke his nose.

so we start high school together at coed catholic school nearby, i join debate, make a friend also into spn, she's bi. she asks kate out over text. kate's mom sees this. things turn.

now the rest of these things happened over the course of a couple months and due to my trauma memory loss, i have no idea how accurate some of these memories are so uh. don't hold me to them.

- her highly religious mother is not happy with this obviously. at some point, she brings a priest home and tries to have kate exorcised.

- at this point, we learn that kate is schizophrenic; it never seemed to create noticeable issues before bc her home life and childhood was a perfect happy dream (not an assumption, her words).

- she's still coming to school, sporadically now, i bring home her work, spend hours helping her.

- when she comes to school, she has seizures: sometimes we're fortunate enough that they happen in a class we have together. she freezes up and the teacher empties the room. i refuse to leave. i hold her hand and softly sing her favorite song and sometimes she comes back to me. sometimes she doesn’t and the bell rings and the teacher forces me to leave and let the nurse handle it.

- another time they announce a medical lockdown (to keep ppl out of the hallway if someone is being escorted to an ambulance) while im in catholicism class, i immediately know it’s her; she fainted in the pool during swim team practice.

- i stay awake for 6 days straight bc i read online that sleep deprivation induces some of the same symptoms as schizophrenia and if i could understand what she was going through, i could help her

- she shows up at my house w both of her parents 15 minutes before the winter ball, begs me to go bc her parents will only let her if i go. so i do. her mom lurks by the gym doors with the chaperones. during a slow song, kate and debate girl start to slow dance, i grab our friend’s hand, drag him in front of them so her mom can’t see and make out with him.

- i wanted to tell her to stop but i was too afraid i would lose us, that it would seem like i was homophobic or i was jealous, but i knew her in my marrow and it didn’t seem like she was in love or into the relationship, it was willful self destruction

- we talked in the last few years, she confirmed this.

- at some point, she says she’s sorry she didn’t tell me about the voices before.

- when we talk, she’s not her anymore, she doesn’t remember our inside jokes, our codes, i can feel her being slowly ripped away and apart in real time

- i have a vivid memory of arguing with her and her telling me im not real, that her mind made me up, while occasionally speaking to something? someone? else in the room. i hold her hand and point to the matching thin scars on our thumbs and try to convince her im real.

- she eventually drops out entirely, taken to some mental facility that im not entirely sure wasnt conversion therapy (it was definitely a religious facility) (and conversion therapy was not outlawed in new hampshire until 2019) and im not allowed to see her.

- every now and then i get cryptic distressing emails or texts from her.

- one in particular has the subject, “youandiwalkafragilelineihaveknownitallthistimebutineverthoughtidlivetoseeitbreak” which is the first line of the song ‘haunted’ by taylor swift (our shared favorite)(the summer after this happened we collectively decided we needed a new swift Our Song and chose ‘breathe’). the body of the email read “what the hell have i done”

- i pray for the first time in my life, every single day for a few months, in different languages, at temple with my parents, in the chapel at school

- on a club trip, i get a call at 2am from her, crying, asking me why i didn’t help her, why i didn’t stop her, that it was my job to protect her

here’s something i wrote about her, three yrs after:

I wasn’t careful enough and she caught quickly. She burned so close and so bright that for long afterwards, I could not see. And like that, she was gone. I walked into the chapel. Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

[that last line is from the latin version for a catholic prayer called the act of contrition, it translates to “through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault”]

in the fall, i hear she’s starting at a small baptist school almost an hour from her house. she is dating the principal’s son. the principal is also her pastor.

in my second year of college, i have a bad acid trip in a snowy park in december. i put my hands into the snow and when i look at them,i see blood. i see her body in the snow adorned like it’s a funeral

i still have dreams about her. sometimes i meet her in a grassy field, flying kites and i invite her to my wedding. in others, i catch a glimpse of her ponytail and catholic school skirt and chase her up eight flights of stairs and when i grab her hand, she turns to ash.

at some point in a separate argument w my parents in which they went through my texts and found out i wasn’t straight (amongst other things) my dad says:“i knew i should’ve listened to [kate’s dad] when he told me the things you would talk about. he knew what you are. and he took his daughter away from you.”

last christmas we met up and drove around together, she tells me that for years she thought i hated her for letting me down and for abandoning me, and i literally have the dean winchester in ‘sacrifice’ five stages of grief when sam says “you know what i confessed in there?” because i could not even begin to fathom that she ever blamed herself. it had always been my fault. i had failed to save her. i corrupted her and i failed to save her.

anyways she’s fine now, she’s okay, im okay, we’ve talked and unpacked and we’re alright. but uh. yeah. that happened. the parallels make me crazy. now they can make you crazy too.

‎

#tw: queer trauma #tw: religious trauma #tw: mental illness #wow #that is ... a lot #i'm glad both you and she are okay #mod cas #confessions #desticuleconfessions

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navyhyuck · 4 years

Text

tagged by: the lovely and talented @sunhyuck

what do you prefer to be called name wise?

vee or nisha!

when is your birthday?

aug 27th!

where do you live?

three things you are doing right now?

drinking coffee

stressing about ap bio lol

sitting at my dining table

four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

pretty recently became an atiny! but there’s still a long way to go from there haha, but also harry potter! hmm shadowhunters though i’ve sorta faded out, not quite and don’t judge me but the miraculous fandom!

how has the pandemic been treating you?

i thought it wasn’t that bad but i’ve been really stressed and i’m the kind of person to eat less (or skip eating) because of stress/anxiety so i’ve lost like 5 pounds since then (making me like 94 when i was barely 99 before). i’m trying to gain it back so my health doesn’t deteriorate any further but i’m not really underweight either?? not only that but a lot of family members have been lost during this time that took a toll on me especially, as well as the pressure of studying and academics.

a song you can’t stop listening to right now?

devilish - chase atlantic; truly a masterpiece that my head cannot get over

recommend a movie.

21 Bridges. it’s a movie that stars Chadwick Boseman and i watched it recently (like a few days ago). there’s some really, really good acting though it is rated R for a lot of violence (gore) and language.

how old are you?

i’m 16!

school, university, occupation, other?

high school junior :]

do you prefer heat or cold?

born in the summer but cold, plus, i prefer winter/cold weather fashion over summer fashion.

name one fact others may not know about you?

i’m too nice sometimes, meaning i’ll tolerate someone even past my toleration point because i don’t want to come off as rude. it’s an issue, i know.

are you shy?

yes, quite. i am also just naturally quiet.

do you have preferred pronouns?

she/her

biggest pet peeve?

i have many so beware, people who lie to me blatantly, people who are performative activists (lmao about this, there’s a girl at my school who had an article written about her for starting this ‘awareness club’ but she also has internalized transphobia/homophobia and never includes asians outside of east asians (she’s chinese herself, so you can kinda get where i’m going at) in her ‘asian inclusiveness club’), people who have racial preference when coming to anything (aka people saying things like ‘i don’t like asian guys bc...’ which is just racist, idk what to tell you), people who are colorist, and most especially out of all,, people who tell me how to live my life

what is your favorite “dere” type?

don’t really have one?

rate your life from 1-10, 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best it could ever be.

like a 4, i am not happy with life and i haven’t been since i stepped foot in high school.

what’s your main blog?

@teasysan

list your sideblogs and what they’re used for.

@navyhyuck is the only side blog i have rn, used for writing :)

is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends?

i really suck at answering texts on time because i’m so busy, so if you do dm me, please don’t get discouraged if i don’t respond quickly since most of the time, i just haven’t seen it yet!

tagging: @peaches-writes @feel199x @jaemallow @sunwuism + anyone else who wants to do it (bc i suck at tagging rip)

#tag game #moots 🍉#vee things #q: learning quantum physics with jeno

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pandemicthestory · 4 years

Text

1: introduced

The love story of a teenage girl trapped inside during the end of the world. Daily chapters during the coronavirus pandemic.

Neon orange nails tap at a laptop, chatting with someone across the internet. This manicure is fresh, except no one has left their house in weeks, so we know she did it herself.

ADMIN_E: just sent your essay back. Gonna be 300 bc of the works cited

GUEST48: oh come on

ADMIN_E: i need the money, and you have more money than you need

GUEST48: ugh pls just tell me this is gonna get me an A in AP US history, i need this grade to get into duke

ADMIN_E: lol, you’re actually worried about getting into college?

GUEST48: uh yeah, aren’t u?

ADMIN_E: Sweetie the world is ending. Who the fuck cares

*buzz*

She looks away from the computer and down at her cracked iPhone 7. Another thing she’d like the cash to upgrade. The bigger issue: it’s basically impossible to scam in peace with her group chat constantly blowing up. But what are your best friends for, if not to provide human contact during an infinite quarantine?

Madison is a self-proclaimed burnout, who used to be the carefree athletic type until a soccer injury sent her spiraling into an emo-grunge moment. Zoe is probably going to run for president and also be a doctor at the same time, unless her weird senior boyfriend convinces her to leave on a weed farm (which he would totally do, wow Gabriel sucks). And Olivia is sort of the one who keeps everyone together, obsessed with being a friend. She’s the one who religiously decorates your locker on your birthday even if you insist that it’s not necessary and that actually you’d prefer if she didn’t because it’s embarrassing. That’s Olivia.

MADISON: holy shit did u hear

OLIVIA: I was just about to text you guys. My mom just told me. R u ok??

ZOE: wait what’s going on?? wtf tell me rn !!

*knock knock*

The bedroom door opens without waiting for an answer.

“Emma?”

Emma Bradford, a skinny 16-year-old wearing an oversized hoodie and boxers, slams her laptop shut with way too much force. Hopefully it isn’t broken, she’d have to find a different way to cheat the school system for money.

“Mom, what happened to our deal? If we’re going to be stuck at home together, you have to pretend I’m AT school. As in don’t speak to me before 3:25 PM.”

“You can’t say I didn’t knock. I knocked.”

“It’s not about knocking, it’s about--wait why are we even having a conversation? See you at dinner. Or not. Just go please.”

Emma jams in her air pods and pulls up her hoodie over her head so you can’t see the top of her face. She’s used to hiding her identity, and even in quarantine, old habits die hard or whatever.

Mom sighs, she doesn’t want to be here either. Out of all her kids, Emma is the truly difficult one. The smart one who uses her brain for all the wrong reasons. And wow those nails are intense. Traffic cones. Kids these days.

“I just came to tell you that...well we just got a phone call from the school district. It looks like classes are going to be canceled for the rest of the year. Zoom classes too. Everything. I’m sorry.”

Emma’s stomach drops. Canceled? Like, wait, canceled? Canceled. But...how will she earn hundreds of dollars doing writing assignments for her fellow dumbasses?

“Seriously? How is that possible?! Don’t I need like, an education and shit?”

“Government spending is affecting everyone in strange ways right now. And wait a second, I thought you’d be happy. You always tell me how much you hate high school.”

Mom raises an eyebrow. Emma hates that. If her mom starts digging around in her personal life again, she’s going to find some weird shit. Not just forged essays, but, well, let’s just leave that all buried for now.

“I do hate school. And I don’t care if I never go back. But I do need some boundaries, so please get out.”

Her Mom closes the door. We can’t see, but that eyebrow is definitely still raised. Something’s up with Emma. Her mom just has no idea of what it is, or how big it’s about to get.

Emma examines the group chat, having missed over 80 texts since she last checked it five minutes ago.

EMMA: i don’t have time to read all that but, school, right?

ZOE: How can this happen? I already have a prom dress and it was final sale!!

MADISON: u don’t HAVE to go to prom this year zo- when gabriel goes to school next year u guys will prob break up anyway and then you’ll be free to go to like 10 more proms w guys who haven’t been arrested

ZOE: He was not actually arrested and we are doing long distance we already discussed it!

MADISON: you don’t think they’ll cancel prom do you? if i have to do prom over zoom i’m legit done

EMMA: So, prom is what you’re all worried about?

A brief pause.

OLIVIA: Well what are you worried about Em? Or aren’t you

EMMA: Oh well idk. I mean i’m not that worried

EMMA: I just mean like it could be worse

As soon as Emma sends this, she doesn’t know if she actually believes it. She doesn’t know what’s coming.

ZOE: Sure, I guess...

MADISON: UR BEING RLY WEIRD EM

EMMA: Ah you’re right sorry, it’s just a weird time. I love u guys btw

Everyone sends their signature heart emoji. Zoe: pink with sparkles. Olivia: yellow. Madison: small red with red dot underneath. And Emma sends the black heart, because she really needs to start acting like her normal self as people are getting suspicious. Her best friends know almost everything about her. Almost. They don’t know about what she’s doing on the side, or what she plans to do with the money.

Emma takes a deep breath and reopens the laptop. No school is going to be a problem. No school, no assignments, no college applications, which means: no income. And no income means no leaving...no running off with...him.

Him, the eternal problem. Him who won’t get out of her head no matter how much she curses the day he was born. Him from that other school that’s annoyingly far yet still too close for her own good. Him who knows her favorite candle scent. Him who rests his hand in the space between her hip bone and her belly button. Him who lied. Him who was forgiven.

Him.

She stares at the interface of her ghostwriter page on the screen. This was good while it lasted. She’ll just need a new plan to get to Him.

Emma is about to shut the computer when:

*Ping*

New Assignment.

What? Every student at Harrison Ford High School got the same announcement today that she did. School’s canceled. No more class, no more losing sleep over getting into Duke. What a random life goal.

Seriously, what the hell could this be?

Emma clicks the link to open the new assignment, to learn that it isn’t a new assignment at all. It’s a drawing?

Circular lines, deflated shapes encircling each other. Like oil in water. The picture could almost be, well it looks somewhat like...a map. Holy shit, this is a map.

The lines of the map are messy and hand drawn. As if someone made this in a rush. Or maybe they were confused about where the path leads. But underneath the twists and turns, there’s a note:

before you run away, come find me

#writers #writer #writers on tumblr #my writing #short fiction #story #pandemic #coronavirus

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mirohed · 5 years

Text

kim seunghun | love me, love me not

pairing: kim seunghun + gender neutral reader

wc: 3.7k

genre: hanahaki au + angst

synopsis: daffodils represent unrequited love. is that why you keep coughing them up?

warnings: implications of suggestive content, descriptions of illness (and mention of surgery), mention of alcohol

playlist: love me, love me not.

a/n: happy birthday to me!! im glad i finally got to finish and post this (its,,, been in my wips since at least february LMAO) !! they prob wont read this but i wanted to thank my irls for dealing w me and my kpop bullshit (esp bc none of them stan ygtb 😔)

It's getting worse.

Your knuckles turn white, gripping the porcelain of the toilet. Tears and blood alike fall into the bowl, disturbing the gentle peace of the water. You pound at your chest, the action causing you to hack up yellow daffodil petals stained suspicious red. It's a monotonous process at this point. Pound. Cough. Pound. Cough. Repeat until the damned coughing stops.

It takes ten minutes before you return to normal. Or at least as normal as you can get. You got lucky this time.

You watch the petals spiral downward into the gaping hole in the toilet and get flushed away.

Being with Seunghun wasn't always accompanied by a tightness in your chest and petals tickling your throat.

june 19, 2005; 2:52 PM.

"I wanna grow up," you had grumbled, your hands squeezed around the chains of the swingset. You and Seunghun had been riding your bikes for the first time since getting the training wheels off. You had sped down a hill ("First one down’s a rotten egg!") and lost control, falling off and scraping your knee on the pavement. He rushed you to your parents' house, supporting your weight with an arm around your waist. The two of you had settled for playing on the swingset in your backyard instead.

"Me too," he said. "I think." He'd been rocking forward and backward on the swing, eyes focused on the blades of grass underfoot.

"You think?"

"I don't know." You stayed silent, trying to gain as much height as possible with your uninjured leg. "I don't wanna grow up and stop being friends." That got you to stop right in your tracks, your leg planted on the ground.

"What?" You sent an incredulous look his way. "Why would we stop being friends?"

He had let go of the swing, his hands finding his lap. "Some of the older kids stopped being friends when they grew up," he mumbled. "I don't wanna stop being friends, but neither did they..."

You got off the swing, limping over to him and wrapping Seunghun in the biggest hug your six-year-old arms could muster.

"We're gonna be best friends forever. Don't forget that."

"Best friends forever." If he wrapped his arms tighter around you then, you didn’t pick up on it.

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i had fun today :^))

[09:54 PM] huniebee🐝: i wanna adopt a puppy!!

[09:55 PM] huniebee🐝: will you promise to help me take care of it

You brighten as the messages come in, your phone's vibrations distracting you from the way your throat clogs.

[09:56 PM] you: ofc

[09:56 PM] you: well be the best puppy parents the worlds ever seen

[09:57 PM] huniebee🐝: wait i need to send the pics from the pet shelter

[Attachment: 8 images]

You save each picture, cooing over the puppies you got to meet. This time, you only get a precious few minutes of relative clarity before things get too distracting to ignore. You return to the bathroom with a resigned sigh that devolves into a fit of coughs.

You cough and retch and cough some more. By the time you're done, there are less petals and more blood in the toilet bowl. Your chest still feels full of something you can't quite spit out.

Then you hack up something new: a bloody stem with wet flowers still attached.

There's nothing left to do but cry, your whole body wracked with pain both physical and emotional.

august 29, 2011; 3:15 PM.

"Today was fun," you said, making yourself right at home on Seunghun's bed. Your new backpack hadn't lasted more than a couple minutes in his house before getting neglected on his carpet. Your best friend hummed in acknowledgement, already sitting at his desk with his workbook out. "I'm glad we got to meet some new people," you continued, "but that Hyunsuk guy? Seems like a major pain in the ass."

"Give him a chance."

"I know, I know. I will. But still," you huffed, “it was his first day too. No need to act like a know-it-all."

"I know. But it's the first day. Maybe he'll even himself out with time."

The conversation ended there, and you spent some time staring at his ceiling fan, the blades going round and round in a big, beautiful blur. Before long, you had grown bored, looking over at him only to see his pencil flying across the paper.

"Hey. Let's go to the mall and get pretzels." Seunghun spun around to face you, a foot stopping his chair from going too far.

"Sure," he gave a placid smile. "Do your work first."

You groaned as loudly as you could, sounding much like a petulant child straight out of elementary school. (Which was more or less the truth, but you thought you were better than that.) After a few minutes of uninterrupted whining and failing to get Seunghun to break, you spoke up. "Why do I need to do my work? You're Mr. Hardworking, Mr. Teacher's Pet."

"We're in middle school now," he had said, and you remember thinking you were in for a long lecture, "and pretty soon, we're gonna have to go to high school and take entrance exams and decide which university we want to go to and..." He averted his gaze, put down his pen. "We need to start growing up."

"We're still young," you reasoned, sitting up and letting your legs dangle off the side of his bed. "If anything, this is our time to experience things and, you know, make mistakes before we become adults!"

He was silent for a few long, agonizing moments, long enough to make you think you'd won. The pretzels were within reach; all you had to do was ask for them.

"I call a compromise."

Shit. Compromises were common in your friendship. Seunghun was always a little too good at stopping you from making stupid decisions. The worst part was that you could never argue with them. "We go to the mall to get pretzels—my treat—if, and only if, you do your work. We don't go until we're both finished. Deal?"

You opened your mouth, determined to pick the proposal apart, but his reasoning was (unpleasant, yet) bulletproof. Instead, you reached for your backpack with a heavy sigh. "First of all, fuck you. Second of all," you said, tugging your own workbook out, "you're impossible."

"I know. Do your work."

"Fine."

The math problems had been difficult, definitely harder than you were used to, but doable. If anything, the greasy mall pretzels that were way too salty to be healthy made it all worth it.

Seunghun gets understandably very worried when you text him from the hospital, but he comes to see you nonetheless. In his arms is a bouquet of daffodils.

"They symbolize friendship," he says, setting it down on the table next to you. You stare at the pristine yellow petals and flatten your lips in a tight smile. How ironic, you think, that he doesn't know they also symbolize unrequited love.

"The doctors wouldn't tell me why you're here. Classified information, they said." That much is true; nor much is known about the disease outside of shitty romance movies with unrealistically happy endings. Seunghun always believed in them. You never did.

You don't think your story's gonna have a happy ending.

You didn't want him to know anyway, lest he worry. (And you don't want to think about what would happen to your friendship if he found out he was the cause of it all.) "You don't have to tell me," he begins, sitting himself down on one of those rigid hospital chairs, "I just wanna know if it's bad. Like, well...you know.” He lowers his voice to a whisper. “Terminal."

"Like if I'm gonna die?"

"Yeah," he rubs the nape of his neck, a bit abashed, "more or less."

"I don't know. Sure hope not," you chuckle. That brings on a coughing fit, and Seunghun looks on, brows knit together. He moves close to offer what little comfort he can, but you hold your hand up to stop him; having him near will only make things worse.

Petals threaten to spill out of your mouth, and panic bubbles in your chest when he asks if you're okay. Your doctor, bless her, chooses that moment to enter. She shooes him out "to speak to you in private." Seunghun, to his credit, obliges and flashes you a smile and a thumbs-up as he goes. You try to mirror his expression (and hope your smile isn't more of a grimace).

The door closes behind him with a soft click. "Friend of yours?" the doctor asks.

You spit the blood-stained petals into your hand, your doctor graciously looking the other way as you toss them into the trash. "You could say that."

october 4, 2013; 5:11 PM.

You tugged at your clothing, feeling more than a little uncomfortable as you waited for your best friend to show up. The DJ, a former student, was already hard at work inside the gym. You heard the bass-boosted beginning of the Cupid Shuffle and shot a frantic text to Seunghun.

[05:11 PM] you: holy shit theyre playing the cupid shuffle can you PLEASE hurry up

[05:12 PM] you: idc if this is our first homecoming you better get your ass over here

[05:12 PM] huniebee🐝: give me like two minutes!!

[05:12 PM] you: THE SONGS GONNA BE OVER IN 2 MIN

"Are you waiting for Seunghun?" Hyunsuk had asked, tie already loosened. You two had gotten close—not as close as you and Seunghun, of course—this year as a result of having classes together. You wondered why you ever hated him.

"Yeah. He won't be too late, thank God, but I'm pissed we're missing the Cupid Shuffle. What about you? I remember you bragging all week about 'flexing your dance skills in front of the ladies.' Or are you all talk, as usual?"

"You know, it's almost like you don't want me to wait with you."

You had laughed, knocking your shoulder into his. The chatter kept up for a minute or two before he made his leave. ("Well, it's time for me to flex my dance muscles in front of the seniors," he chuckled, giving you a salute as he walked off.)

"I'm here! God, I can't believe I missed the Cupid Shuffle," Seunghun said, head hung low. You began to feel a little self-conscious; you were feeling out of place in your semi-formal outfit, yet he looked right at home in his dress shirt.

Chasing those thoughts away, you grinned. "You're here now, aren't you? Come on." You took his hand and dragged him into the gym.

You don't talk to Seunghun or to Hyunsuk after that. You're not sure if you should tell Hyunsuk about the whole situation when he texts you. Seunghun must have told him something was up, of course, and he's insightful enough, sensitive enough (when he wants to be), but you worry. You're afraid he'll open his big mouth. Instead, you send a few messages to your best friend.

[04:29 AM] you: hey

[04:29 AM] you: i just wanted to say in advance that im sorry

[04:29 AM] you: im so so sorry for everything ive done and for what im about to do

There's one last message in the text box, daring you to send it. "I'm sorry I love you," you whisper instead, deleting the message before you do something you’ll regret. To seal the deal, you tap through a few menus until you reach his contact. The picture you've assigned to him is one you took; he's about to take a big bite of cotton candy bigger than his head.

With a heavy heart (though you hope it’s just the weight of the daffodils in your chest), you block his contact. It's better this way. It has to be.

Your doctor said you could get rid of the thick, thorned vines with a vicegrip around your heart and lungs, could pluck the flowers that threaten to spill out at the mere thought of your best friend.

The biggest side effect of it all, she told you, was that you'd forget all about Kim Seunghun. So you steel yourself.

The last thing you think about before they insert the thin needle of anesthesia in your veins is Seunghun's smile, and how you'll never see it in person again.

And how even if you did, you wouldn't remember it as the grin from the boy you love.

october 4, 2013; 9:16 PM.

The frenetic strobe lighting in the gym slowed to a stop, having been replaced with a spotlight making lazy rounds through the gym.

You knew that marked the beginning of a slow song, and dragged Seunghun off the floor in search of some punch. He seemed to have different plans, tugging you back on the floor and pulling you flush against him.

"Where are you going?" he had asked. "You're the one who wanted to dance the night away." His hands found your waist, yours instinctively folding behind his neck. You had wanted to say something about how that claim was void now; he was the one that made you miss the Cupid Shuffle, but the words get extinguished when you look at him.

It was just like that time you practiced in fifth grade, but you swore there was something different about tonight and the way you swayed. You thought back to your practice session in fifth grade, how you had stepped on each other's feet, how you spent the whole time laughing. (For the record, it wasn't for any lack of balance; you started it, laughing as he cried out before he stomped on your toe.)

There was no laughing during the song. Everything was vibrant and deafening and there all at once. But at the same time, it was like everything had been stripped away. Everything but you and Seunghun.

Things changed after that. You were left with a dizzying, free-fall sort of feeling that picked up with each glance at your best friend. Almost every butterfly in the world was taking current residency in your stomach, making you feel light as your body moved to the music. Before long, there was something lodged at the back of your throat, nudging its way forward.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick," you said, a particularly heavy cough bringing the mysterious lump to your mouth.

Running your tongue along the smooth texture of the lump (okay, so not phlegm), you spat the offending object into the sink: a single yellow petal, coated in saliva.

You blinked.

Blinked again.

"Oh, what the fuck," you muttered, unlocking your phone. One quick Google search later—why the fuck am i coughing up flowers—you found an answer.

Flora mortem. You were loath to believe WebMD, of all things, but you found yourself tapping the link regardless. There was another term for the rare disease: Hanahaki.

Revising your search query was a mistake. The first result was the "hanahaki" tag on Tumblr, which showed nothing but models with tears in their eyes and bloodied flowers in their mouths. Yikes.

You made your way back to the party after that, but lingering in the back of your mind was the cause of the disease: a severe case of unrequited love.

There is only one definite cure for Hanahaki Disease: having the object of the afflicted's affections return their feelings.

You almost manage to purge the petal and the stupid WebMD page from your mind for the rest of the night.

Almost.

You wake up hours later. It's a little disorienting, sure, to come to with little memory of what landed you in the hospital. You peek under the oversized hospital gown to see bandages over your chest, get tempted to rip the IV drip from your arm. The doctor comes in right before you make a move on the needle. She tells you all about how the flowers in your lungs are gone for good.

"You're saved. But the final test," she says, pulling a phone from her pocket, "is this. Do you recognize the people in this picture?"

You recognize yourself next to a boy you don't know. His hand's around your waist, pulling you close. You wear matching grins. Given the way you're both dressed, you suspect the picture's from your freshman year's homecoming dance. Weird. Memory's kinda fuzzy from that night.

"Yeah. Myself. I don't know the other guy. Am I supposed to?"

"No. You're not. Congratulations," she smiles, placing a hand on your shoulder. "You're cured."

You look through all the old messages and pictures when you have some time to yourself. You reach out for the memory, the feeling of knowing Kim Seunghun. You get nothing, and while your brain knows something's wrong, you're more concerned about being able to breathe easy.

You move to a new city, far, far away from the place you grew up in. You finish your last year of high school, get a job, start college. You make new memories with new people. You forget all about Kim Seunghun.

It gets easy to forget that you weren't born with the ugly faded red scars that run up and down your chest. It's your only remaining tie to the man you loved so much you almost let yourself wither away. You think it's a good thing you cut him off; why stick around, why force yourself to suffer, for someone who doesn't love you back? Why be with someone if it physically hurts to stay by their side?

But sometimes you wonder. What happened? What happened to him after his best friend walked out of his life for good with no explanation?

Those days are never good. You distract yourself then, often with the familiar kick of alcohol burning in the back of your throat. You've never been much of a drinker, but you figure it's never too late to start.

Sometimes, the distraction comes from being in the arms of another.

(One of your favorite distractions, a young man named Byounggon, had run his fingers along the angry lines one night, jotting them down in his map of your body.

"Do you regret it?" he asked then, eyes half-lidded with drowsiness. You cupped his cheek, ran a thumb along the planes of his face.

"I wouldn't be here if I regretted it, now would I?" He let the corners of his mouth turn up just so, pressing his lips to yours.

You don't talk to him much nowadays, your interactions reduced to likes on Instagram, views on Snapchat. He's moved to a bigger city. "More opportunities," he said. You keep up with his dream of being a musician, always. There was a time when you were his number one supporter, after all.)

"Will that be all?" the cashier asks, jotting your order on the plastic cup. When you nod, he asks for your name. He jots that down too.

But then his eyes widen and he looks at you with renewed interest. "I'm sorry?"

"Is there a problem?" you asks, peering at your name (spelled correctly) on the cup. His eyes search for an answer within yours, some sort of explanation you can't seem to give. He averts his gaze, shakes his head, places your cup in the queue of orders.

"I'm sorry," he says. "Just thought you were someone I knew. Have a nice day." You parrot the phrase, catching a glimpse of the young man's name tag.

Seunghun, it reads in cheerful yellow. There's a doodle of a puppy in the top right corner. You think it's rather cute.

Two weeks later, you meet Seunghun again. This time, you're out for a morning jog. The crisp autumn air greets you as your feet meet the pavement and let out a satisfactory crunch under the burnt orange leaves on the sidewalk.

You both get stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to change. While you catch your breath, you don't miss the way he flinches, as though he didn't expect you to show up. He schools his expression into something friendly within no time, and you wonder if you imagined the whole thing.

"The weather's nice, isn't it?"

"It is," you pant. "On your way to work?" He raises a hand to tug at the strap of his backpack with a small smile.

"Yeah. You should come by, give us business," he grins. "On mornings like this, I recommend the hazelnut latte." You hum in agreement, not yet recovered enough to converse. "Tell you what, you come and get one when I'm working, I'll make sure it's on the house."

"Really? Maybe I'll swing by." The light changes, and you leave Seunghun behind, waving goodbye as you do.

You come in later that day, ordering a hazelnut latte as promised. Seunghun's manning the register, same as two weeks ago, and when he takes everything down, he smiles. You miss it as you pay, but there's something extra on your cup.

As you take a sip of the (delicious; his coworker Yedam must be some sort of brewing prodigy) latte, you catch a glimpse of the extra writing.

Along the side of the cup is his phone number.

[10:58 PM] seunghun!: more than anything i want to adopt a puppy

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: or rather another one

[10:59 PM] seunghun!: i named this one after an old friend

[Attachment: 1 image]

The picture of Seunghun and his dog brings a smile to your face. You've been spending more time with him recently, whether it be going on coffee runs ("Are you sure you're not just using me for my employee discount?") or complaining about life as a broke college student ("My card got declined trying to buy a bag of chips last night...").

It's nice. Spending time with him is...nice.

It's more than a simple distraction, somebody to hold close on nights your decisions try to haunt you. It’s friendship, something to hold onto when you lose your way in the dense forest of your mind and to cherish when you manage to make it to a clearing and bask in the sunshine.

You've caught a cold recently (probably from that bastard Seo Changbin in your communications class). Seunghun's given you some homemade tea, swearing on its usefulness. It certainly tastes good, the sweet honey chased by tangy lemon. Unfortunately, the tea isn't able to stop the persistent cough you've been plagued with.

Feeling phlegm start to come up, you turn the bathroom lights on, hacking it up and spitting into the sink.

Huh. That's weird.

There's no phlegm.

The only thing in the sink is a single golden petal, coated in saliva.

#seunghun scenario #seunghun imagine #seunghun angst #kim seunghun scenario #kim seunghun imagine #kim seunghun angst #ygtb scenario #ygtb imagine #ygtb fluff #yg treasure box scenario #yg treasure box imagine #yg treasure box angst #seunghun #ygtb #ari.doc #ariweek 2019 #c9boyz

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kittywolves · 5 years

Note

1-200 if you want lmao If not then just your favourites

200: My crush’s name is: don’t have one tbh, not romantically anyway

199: I was born in: west virginia, 2000

198: I am really: dumb

197: My cellphone company is: idk man

196: My eye color is: blue w/yellow bursts but they just appear green if you’re not super close

195: My shoe size is: 7+1/2-8

194: My ring size is: 7+1/2-8

193: My height is: 5′5″

192: I am allergic to: sesame :T

191: My 1st car was: N/A

190: My 1st job was: N/A

189: Last book you read: uh, Percy Jackson? i think

188: My bed is: warm, cozy, full of plushies & cat fur

187: My pet: CALCIFER!!!

186: My best friend: uh,, i don’t have one?

185: My favorite shampoo is: idk fruity scents that aren’t watermelon

184: Xbox or ps3: PS3

183: Piggy banks are: cute or terrifying, no in-between

182: In my pockets: my phone

181: On my calendar: birthdays

180: Marriage is: cute

179: Spongebob can: CAN SPONGEBOB FINALLY END PLEASE

178: My mom: can go die

177: The last three songs I bought were? uhh, i haven’t bought any songs,,

176: Last YouTube video watched: DrawingWiffWaffles newest video

175: How many cousins do you have? 1

174: Do you have any siblings? yes, 2 alive 1 dead

173: Are your parents divorced? no,,

172: Are you taller than your mom? around the same height

171: Do you play an instrument? no, but i wish i could play the harp tbh

170: What did you do yesterday? uh, i went shopping with my mother and then watched Futurama

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: ? i dunno anymore

168: Luck: i guess so, yea

167: Fate: yea

166: Yourself: no

165: Aliens: YES

164: Heaven: yea

163: Hell: yea

162: God: ? yea?

161: Horoscopes: not really

160: Soul mates: YESSSSS

159: Ghosts: yep!!

158: Gay Marriage: %100

157: War: no >:(

156: Orbs: what

155: Magic: yep!!

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs pls

153: Drunk or High: never been either, both sound fun

152: Phone or Online: usually use my phone tbh

151: Red heads or Black haired: all are adorable!!

150: Blondes or Brunettes: a d o r a b l e ! !

149: Hot or cold: uhm, comfortable warm,,

148: Summer or winter: SUMMER

147: Autumn or Spring: HALLOWEEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

146: Chocolate or vanilla: CHOCOLATE

145: Night or Day: NIGHTTIME

144: Oranges or Apples: apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: both are great!! i have slightly wavy hair uwu

142: McDonalds or Burger King: neither >:(

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: MILK PLS

140: Mac or PC: um, idc

139: Flip flops or high heels: F L I P F L O P S

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: SWEET AND POOR PLS GIVE ME A KIND BAB TO LOVE @ UNIVERSE

137: Coke or Pepsi: coke !!

136: Hillary or Obama: obama!!

135: Buried or cremated: cremated so i can’t come back :’)

134: Singing or Dancing: i can’t do either :(

133: Coach or Chanel: ugh, coach ig

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who

131: Small town or Big city: i live in a city, but a town sounds nice tbh

130: Wal-Mart or Target: TARGET

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: what

128: Manicure or Pedicure: PEDICURE PEDICURE PEDICURE

127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the west, so west

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: MY BIRTHDAY BC I GET TO PICK THE THEME !!!

125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers die and give off the aesthetic but chocolates are delicious so both

124: Disney or Six Flags: i love disneyland it’s just SO EXPENSIVE and six flags is gr8 for the thrills, plus i currently have a pass so

123: Yankees or Red Sox: who? which sport is this[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: blehhhh no

121: George Bush: idk american presidents lmao

120: Gay Marriage: YES YES YES YES YES YES

119: The presidential election: ew

118: Abortion: i’ll allow it lmao, i don’t think it’s great, but ik people will still get it whether it’s legal or not so might as well legalize it. also some cases actually need it so like,, yea!! let it happen!! pro-choice!!

117: MySpace: never used it lmao

116: Reality TV: ew ew ew ew EXCEPT FOR COOKING SHOWS

115: Parents: mine or just in general? bc eh

114: Back stabbers: M U R D E R T H E M 113: Ebay: lmao shipping expenses

112: Facebook: haven’t used it in years, do use messenger tho

111: Work: i like wedding coordinating with my aunt!! that’s about all the work i’ve done, oh and i’ve babysat

110: My Neighbors: don’t know em, they probably think we’re crazy tho, always yelling

109: Gas Prices: too!! high!!

108: Designer Clothes: eh, clothes are clothes, and some clothes are ugly (a lot of times it’s designer clothes blehh)

107: College: i mean i guess

106: Sports: go team! hit the ball! score the points! woo

105: My family: dysfunctional,,

104: The future: nooooooooooooooooooo

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: uhhhhh....

102: Last time you ate: uhm, around 4?? maybe?? it’s 7 now

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: uh?? i never see anyone OH i guess on wednesday last week,,

100: Cried in front of someone: ???? idk??? i cry while everyone’s asleep usually

99: Went to a movie theater: last week !! um, thursday?

98: Took a vacation: uhh, february, early march? i went to ohio

97: Swam in a pool: uh, last monday

96: Changed a diaper: um, not this year lmao, maybe last year tho idk

95: Got my nails done: ???? i dunno

94: Went to a wedding: last november?? or wait no,, uhm i dunno sometime recently lmao

93: Broke a bone: never! did drop one in water tho :/

92: Got a piercing: december!

91: Broke the law: ?? i don’t wear seatbelts when i sit in the back seat lmao

90: Texted: around two hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: um,, my friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: MY KITTY BABY

87: The last movie I saw: missing link! the stop motion- i’m a wh*re for animation lmao

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: changing my name, moving out, getting married & having a stable life :’)

85: The thing im not looking forward to: being stuck here forever and eventually kmsing due to stress and depression :’)

84: People call me: Kitty!! Kiki!! (birth name) karebear!!

83: The most difficult thing to do is: exist within the same room as my mother without bursting into tears or storming off

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo! Viriborn for all you homestucks! and dragon in the animal one!

80: The first person i talked to today was: my dad :’) and then i messaged @deanilise even tho she was asleep

79: First time you had a crush: uh, as far back as i can remember i had a “crush” on Daphne Blake :D but i was like a small child and didn’t know what love was so anytime i saw anyone who i thought was cool or pretty or i wanted to befriend i had a supposed “crush” on them :/

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: i try to be pretty open, but sometimes i just wanna close off

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yikes idk

76: Right now I am talking to: like talking to or talking to? for the first, just some group chats for the second, no one

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i wanna be an artist! i would love to be a youtube artist, but i fear i’m not creative enough for such things.. i would also like to be able to tell my stories!

74: I have/will get a job: i dunno,,

73: Tomorrow: church

72: Today: overslept, did some chores, been online

71: Next Summer: hopefully i can go back to colorado to visit my brother !

70: Next Weekend: ugh, church activities & then actual church, as well as other easter festivities

69: I have these pets: baby kitty, and some dogs....

68: The worst sound in the world: FORK SCRAPING ON BOWL, ERASER SCRAPING ON PAPER, DOG’S SNORING, MY MOTHER’S VOICE WHEN I’M HAVING SENSORY OVERLOAD

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mother, she’s like the only person that makes me cry unless someone says they’re attempting and i can’t get through to them

66: People that make you happy: @onedirtysock @aliaitee @deku-is-tired @deanilise @awkward-scarfy-boi @fourth-best-jeanist @bnhaworld @bnhya @helloiliketits @trashyfxndoms

65: Last time I cried: last night oops

64: My friends are: (see 66) they’re all very nice & supportive which is amazing & i love them all dearly

63: My computer is: a MacBook air with a galaxy cover

62: My School: not in one but the one i’m gonna go to in the fall is just a community college

61: My Car: N/A

60: I lose all respect for people who: hate on anyone, racists, homophobes, transphobes, pedos, terfs, ableists, etc

59: The movie I cried at was: uh, i dunno, but i was crying abt futurama the other night

58: Your hair color is: orange-y with dark brown roots, supposed to be dyeing it soon :)

57: TV shows you watch: BNHA, HIMYM, Bob’s Burgers, TUA w/ @deanilise Futurama, The Simpsons, Fairytail, Runaway’s, Adventure Time, SVTFOE, etc

56: Favorite web site: Tumblr!

55: Your dream vacation: Ireland,, ofc i always dreamed of going to paris when i was younger, and Britain sounds cool too, & i’ve heard belgium is pretty && japan sounds fun && new york city sounds super cool as well so idk any of those places ig

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: uh, probably when i broke my arm, although i can’t remember it, i did used to get growing pains in my legs when i was younger & could hardly sleep so there’s that option as well

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium-well

52: My room is: messy, but it’s home & also warm

51: My favorite celebrity is: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dunno

50: Where would you like to be: idk, in my bed ig

49: Do you want children: yea! i wanna adopt!

48: Ever been in love: uh, i thought i was, but it was just an intense crush on this girl lmao

47: Who’s your best friend: already answered this lmao

46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls,,

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: laughing, music, & seeing my friends

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: any of y’all would be great tbh

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: survive

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: lmao no,

41: Have you pre-named your children: uh, i have names picked out that i like, but idk depends how young my kid is when i adopt them, and even then idk if i could bring myself to change their name uwu

40: Last person I got mad at: my mother,,

39: I would like to move to: IRELAND OR SOMETHING I DUNNO I WANT OUT OF THIS GODFORSAKEN COUNTRY

38: I wish I was a professional: artist!! youtube maybe!![ My Favorites ]37: Candy: hmm, i like smarties, m&ms, gummy bears, & sweetarts

36: Vehicle: uhh, vw beetles? WAIT NO JEEP WRANGLERS I THINK

35: President: uh idk

34: State visited: the one i live in lmao, California :)

33: Cellphone provider: idk a lot about them

32: Athlete: N/A

31: Actor: eeeeeeee

30: Actress: eeeeeeee

29: Singer: Case! Patrick Stump!

28: Band: FALL OUT BOYYYYYYYYYYY

27: Clothing store: Hottopic

26: Grocery store: N/A

25: TV show: Arrow! Adventure Time! (ripip) i haven’t seen Arrow in a long time tho so idk if it’s still any good...

24: Movie: Heathers!!

23: Website: Tumblr,,

22: Animal: CATS

21: Theme park: DisneyLand! it’s just sooooooooo expensive ;-;

20: Holiday: HALLOWEEN

19: Sport to watch: Soccer!!

18: Sport to play: none

17: Magazine: i don’t read them

16: Book: The Hunger Games

15: Day of the week: probably friday or saturday

14: Beach: uh, maybe seal? or hermosa?

13: Concert attended: i’ve been to exactly one (1) and i didn’t enjoy it bc it was for Ariana Grande

12: Thing to cook: well you don’t cook them but, COOKIES!!

11: Food: Ice Cream!! Burgers!! Mashed Potatoes !!

10: Restaurant: In-N-Out probably

9: Radio station: 98.7 alt radio

8: Yankee candle scent: uh i dunno

7: Perfume: Vanilla Bean Noelle from bbw

6: Flower: daffodils

5: Color: pink! purple! green!

4: Talk show host: no

3: Comedian: Bo Burnham or John Mulaney

2: Dog breed: Retrievers !

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? yes!

here’s my baby for reference & for putting up with all that

#kitty answers #200 asks #deku-is-tired #calcifer

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d2myg · 5 years

Text

50 questions tag

tagged by @rysiowate thank u darling!

1. What takes up too much of your time? my hyperfixations and constantly updating all my online accounts and personas

2. What makes your day better? when i feel like ive accomplished something in a day; also, getting to go to bed after a long day

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today? i made really good tofu fried rice

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? the shire. just wanna live in a tiny hobbit house and eat and read

5. Are you good at giving advice? depends what it is about. and also, im better at getting my points across via text, so im useless at advice irl

6. Do you have any mental illness? anxiety and depression, im pretty i have some kind of executive dysfunction and maybe dependent personality disorder, but these two are just my assumptions. who knows really im broke and too anxious to go a therapist to get diagnosed lmao

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no thank god it sounds terrifying

8. What musician inspired you the most? even though i’m not an active stan anymore i’m gonna say bts because they’re the artists i’ve stanned the longest for and grew most attached to. i think they helped me develop as a person and they’ve been there for me in tough times. but also queen, because in freddie mercury i found a queer icon and role model which is very important for me

9. Have you ever fallen in love? i thought i was in love once but looking back, maybe not

10. What’s your dream date? i think this dream date business is bullshit. as long as im with the person i like, we could be doing literally anything and id still be like yeah this is a good day. like running errands or going grocery shopping or just lying in bed.

11. What do others notice about you?

idk probably my self-deprecating humour. also i if im wearing makeup that almost always gets commented on so i guess that

12. What is an annoying habit you have? just one? lmao uhhh when im super anxious about something i just shut off and like i cant function until that thing is resolved. my brain is just like ok anxiety time lets lay in bed and cry and nap for the rest of the day. also when im not in the mood to reply to someone’s text i will literally go days without replying not bc i forgot but bc i just.. yeah

13. Do you still talk to your first love? sometimes i check up on her (on her social media) but no we havent talked for almost a year since it ended. but then, was she really my first love. idk.

14. How many exes do you have? one

15. How many songs are in your playlist? i have multiple playlists and i also follow a lot of playlists; all together there must be at least 1k

16. What instruments can you play? acoustic guitar

17. What do you have the most pictures of? travelling, i have folders of pictures since last year that i havent edited yet

18. Where would you like to go before you die? hm. everywhere i havent been yet. id really like to go to canada, also like everywhere in asia

19. What is your zodiac? scorpio

20. Do you relate to it? idk i dont really read horoscopes and idk the like scorpio personality traits or whatever

21. What is happiness to you? being content with myself and what im doing.

22. Are you going through anything right now? final assignments of the semester :)

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? getting too attached to some people.

24. What’s your favorite store? record stores are so cool. also there’s this store in brighton that sells prints of stuff like ghibli on tshirts and tote bags. not my favourite, but i like it. i dont think i have a favourite.

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? im pro-choice. i dont think it should be a debate.

26. Do you keep a bucket list? no

27. Do you have a favorite album? sheer heart attack by queen, that shit slaps

28. What do you want for your birthday? honestly not to be shallow but some coins so i can buy myself some stuff ive been wanting to buy but didnt wanna spend money on

29. What are most people’s first impression of you? idk probably that im a bitch or that im intimidating. before i open my mouth to talk. one of my best friends told me they were scared of me when we first met.

30. What age do you seem according to most people? idk i mean no one really questions my age tbh. when i was younger people thought i was older lmao cause i seemed mature or whatever

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? usually on my bed bc i sleep with earphones

32. What word do you say the most? uuuh……. like. when i talk i say like after every 3rd words its annoying

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 5-6 years probably

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? ½ years max

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? i dont talk about my career ambitions with anyone lmao it makes me anxious. my mom says i could do personal couching or psychotherapy or whatever.

36. What’s your favorite music genre? classic rock

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? sweden sounds really nice. hong kong or singapore also

38. What is your current favorite song? hm. the iron man 3 credits soundtrack. slaps. suffragette city by culture club also

39. How long have you had this blog for? uuh i remade very recently

40. What are you excited for? goin home for the summer. also rocketman and spiderman far from home. also!!! i might be going to the rocketman red carpet so

41. Are you a better talker or listener? listener. i dont really like talking about deep stuff

42. What is the last productive thing you did? did some uni work today. actually, did a lot of uni work today

43. What do you want for christmas? go to budapest with my mom weve been planning that

44. What class do you get the best grades in? my best subject in high school was english and in college it was probably psychology

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? idk 5/6

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

dude i dont even know what ill be doing next year after my ba course ok

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? i dont think i really had one. when i broke up w my gf, its been shit for a while and i just accepted that it wasnt gonna work so it didnt really like hurt

48. What age do you want to get married? marriage is overrated and expensive next

49. What career did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be a vet also but so much med school. ew.

50. What do you crave right now? to dye my hair bc im stressed insert this is fine meme

i also tag @hamkis also @crownedbabes also @funkysapphic, @milmercurios, @freddie-jupiter, @piscesyub, @cactustattoo, @tonyrights

#anyone else can do this to just say i tagged u!#and those i tagged u dont gotta do it #eli.txt #tag game #long post

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nctrenjunie · 5 years

Note

and about your friends,, even if it’s a long story, i’m here to hear you always 💕✨ —🍩

Okeyy this is very long but hear is the story:

So I had this friend/Best friend I will call her Sunny okey. So Sunny & I know each other 6 years now. In primary school I was more of a loner and she was one of the more popular kids but every time her “Best friends” hurt her I comforted her. So then after both of us entered the 7th grade we weren´t in the same class but we became really good friends/ Best friends since we had the same interest (Except Kpop - she hated it) & same humor. So the last years we were the best of the best friends & it was all perfect despite some normal problems but we never fought. It started last year in September when both of us didn´t really have enough time to meet up that we drifted a little apart but everything was still okey.

Okey so my school is a bilingual school, means that we have groups/classes that have all lessons only in our mother tongue (German) but their is also the bilingual part were the classes have half of their lessons in spanish. Me & Sunny are on the bilingual parte so when we end the High school we will have two diplomas the german and the spanish one.

So Sunny started to hang out more with some people from the non bilingual part & there wasn´t any problems I also have some friends that are in other classes but at some point Sunny started to ignore me. So we just started to ignore each other & that´s why I wrote a letter for her birthday that we should start to talk again. It ended up in her ignoring it. So the atmosphere was really tense & some other friends talked to her. Then she came to me one day and told me she thought I didn´t like her anymore since we didn´t talk. We both apologized to each other without any sense & everything was “Okey” but it wasn´t.

It started to get really hard for me. I´m one of the top students so I had a lot of stress with school & we didn´t really talk even though we apologized to each other. So I started to ask her if she has time, if we can do something together, how she´s doing and if everything is alright. She told me we can do something in the vacations since she is busy and I totally understood. Then she told me in the vacations her grandma from Mexico is here & she can´t meet up. I know her parents so I understood the situation. But it´s really hard to ask her if she has time, than she says now bcs of her grandma but on her Instagram story I see how she´s ice skating with other Friends. I felt so dumb from feeling hurt by this since this is so inmature but it feels so bad. We started to ignore each other again and again and I always forced myself to try to save this friendship but it was so hard since literally nothing came from her. UHHHH fuck I´m literally crying right now.

It´s just so hard beside of school. It just really hurts that I tried so hard to stay friends with her & to see that she didn´t even give a fuck about it. And I couldn´t even say how bad I felt. I´m always the happy one, the funny one who hypes everyone. But I´m so shy in reallife and it was just so not me to cry so I just acted like everything was alright and that it didn´t bother me.

I just got so tired of always being the one who gives her best to make everything work out but nobody else cares. Until a friend of mine told her she should talk to me. Obviously she came after some time, telling me that it was hard for her and she tried to distant herself from everyone obviously not everyone. So we talked and talked and then everything was okey again, besides no it wasn´t. We met up the weekend after this and it seemed so nice to talk again to her, we catched up I told her everything and wtf now she likes kpop, I thought wtf. After years of making fun of it she is the biggest kpop fan. Obviously only BTS is Kpop for her.

Okey now it´s getting fucked up. I have a girl in my class, lets call her Maddy. So Maddy didn´t really feel well since start of the new year and the Monday after I talked to Sunny she told me she wanted to talk to me. Maddy told me she´s pregnant. Fuck yeah more problems! The good thing is her parents support her & she thought about abortion but she looked at the pros and cons and now she´s going to keep it. So the father, lest call him Mike is super duper dumb. He started to ignore her and whilst they were still together he started to fuck with an 8th grader. A FUCKING 8TH GRADER. Also his parents told Maddy if she doesn´t abort they won´t support her. So Maddy was really hurt she wanted to stay together with him but it obviously didn´t work out so at some point she finally put everything together and broke up with him. There is much more drama of this but I wont explain all of this it´s just too much.

OKEY. So me & Sunny and some other friends knew about Maddys pregnancy. Maddy told us that she still needs some time before she tells it to our class and that´s obvious. One day two boys from my class, only I & Sunny have contact to them from those who knew about Maddys pregnancy came to me and told me that they know that Maddy is pregnant.

UHHH THIS IS SO DUMB. Literally the only person who was able to tell them was Sunny. It´s not only the fact that she told them about it, its also that she took Maddy the chance away to prepare for the whole class and school to know that she´s pregnant. Sunny took Maddy the chance away to tell everyone what´s happening when she´s ready.

So I went to her. And I tried so hard not to cry. I told Sunny. Please. Please just to save our friendship don´t lie to me. Don´t lie to me and tell me if you told them or if you didn´t. I won´t be angry but just please be honest.

She said she didn´t. Obviously. She asked me why I´m thinking this and I just told her I don´t know but I just wanted to ask her why she´s lying right into my face. Sunny told me she´s gonna talk to them so they won´t tell anyone else and a friend of mine heard her talking to one of them in the corridors. She yelled at him, asked him why he told me that he knew. It was so horrible, I started to cry silently in art class as she came back into class and she told me its okey. It wasn´t her and I can think what I want to.

I felt so fucking weak for not telling her that its her fault. So I just nodded and told her it´s okey. The next day a friend from the non bilingual part told me that a friend of Sunny told her that Maddy is pregnant. I just couldn´t understand. She is the only one who could have told her since nobody else except of her talks to this girl and why do you tell this someone who didn´t even talk once to Maddy. We went out in the last class, making photos in special art class and since I had the class with her I asked her if we could talk for a short moment.

I was so sick of everything. I´m always so good with friends but I can be very cold so I just asked her why she told it this one girl. She looked at me confused and I told her I´m tired of her lying to me. She started to cry asking me why I thought so about her. At some point she just walked away, crying. AND OBVIOUSLY EVERYTHING WAS MY FAULT. Everyone asked her, omg why are you crying, Sera about what did you talk. I´m always the bad one at the end just because once in my life I tell her how I fucking feel about her. THATS SO HILARIOUS. I try to solve this, I have so much stress and then I do even more jut to save our memories. And she did nothing, like I wouldn´t get hurt by this just because I don´t like to cry in front of everyone.

So, we started to ignore each other again. And the last week before our vacations I told her I want to talk to her after the class. I always think everything through but this was so spontaneously, I was shocked at myself for asking her. So after class we stood in the school corridor. School already ended for me but she still had one hour.

I have this habit to bite on my lip when I´m nervous and I started to bleed a little because I tried so hard not to cry. I finally started to talk. I asked her if it still makes sense to her. Our friendship. Because I feel so hurt fighting for this. I´m the only one trying, the only one who´s really hurt and I just can´t anymore. I started to cry so hard. Some other friends were there and they got really shocked since they´ve never seen me cry. Well, I told her that its just really hard and that literally nothing comes from her and that it´s okey. People drift apart I just never thought it would happen to each other. I told her that I don´t even know anymore if I´m fighting for her and our friendship or just because of our memories since we´ve been together through so much. At some point it was so hard to talk. I just cried so hard, and my under lip bled so much. I asked her if it wouldn´t be better if we stop being friends because its only hurting me and I don´t want to be selfish but I just can´t anymore. I don´t know why I thought she would say something like no. Im so naive. She just apologized silently. And I stopped talking. I wanted to scream at her, telling her that it´s all her fault and that she hurt me so bad. I wanted her to feel as bad as I did. But I didn´t. I felt so bad for thinking about hurting her. She just told me she has to go to her last class and I told her yeah I have to get going too. I just felt horrible but good because I finally didn´t have to worry about it. I got fast out of school, crying. A friend called me, asking me if everything is okey. I told her that I´m feeling better, I really did. She told me Sunny ran up to the bathroom and locked herself up crying. Well, I don´t even know what to do know.

I think its so funny that I´m so strong but then I´m so weak crying over something like this. I feel better now. It´s just hard. I met up with some friends in the park in the vacations and she was also there but just for a short minute before going away with some friends of her “because she didn´t feel well”. Turns out they just sat away just to not sit with us but texted one of my good friends she should come to them. THIS IS SO INMATURE. I extra told my friend no I don´t care if she´s with us. I´m okey now and it´s not like I hate her or anything. But then she acts like she doesn´t feel good just to go. UHHH THIS IS SO STUPID. I shouldn´t even care about this.

Well I´m doing good now. It´s just a lot but I´m feeling way better now. I forgot to ask you how your exam went

#🍩 anon

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tori-cilia · 5 years

Text

Hey there

Everything I will say is 100% true. I’ve lived it all unfortunately.

So to start us off I guess I should tell you a bit about myself. My names Tori and I just turned 17 this year, I ended up switching to online school in the 10th grade and im now in 11th grade however im a few years back due to certain events that I will explain later. I have 8 siblings while my older 3 siblings were the ones that raised me. My parents were divorced before I was born so I was just thrown into the shit show I call my life, so its all ive really known. I simply want people who have experienced the same things I have to know that they are not alone and that someone understands them.

So lets start with my parents. My mom and dad met in California, now I have no idea why they were there but I do know its because they were both in the service at the time. My mom served in the navy and my dad was in the marines. my dad was in war at some point in time and my mother was lucky enough to not have to endure that. while they were in California they had my eldest sister who was born there, they both were honorably discharged and they moved to Michigan where my dad had grown up (my mom was born and raised in New York). about 2 or 3 years later my oldest brother was born and following him came my only other older sister. these three were the only ones out of the first 4 to be alive when our parents were together. I was told stories about how bad it was, my parents would constantly fight and beat on eachother. While my dad was out at bars and strip clubs after work my mother would be home drugged out and drunk and would be passed out on the couch. my siblings took care of eachother and luckily our grandparents(my dads parents) lived across the street, where they still live. Ive been told my mother would lock my siblings in their rooms while she would go and do drugs and my dad would be out cheating on my mom or getting drunk. My brother would run down the street in nothing but a dirty diaper until my grandparents would get him or the neighbors would bring him to my mom. in the middle of 2001 my mom told my dad she was pregnant in an attempt to trap him in their marriage, but clearly it didn't work. he was done with her at that point and had found someone else who would be my evil step mother for the next 9 years of my life. in april of 2002 I was born. my mom had kept me away from my dad and his side of my family for one year and the judges couldn't do anything about it since she was breast feeding me. my oldest sister told me I would always cry until my mom fed me.( she thinks its because I was going through withdrawls since my mom did drugs with me while she was pregnant). when I was 2 my mom had remarried to the biggest asshole prick I will ever meet in my entire life while my dad was married to the biggest slut and bitch that will ever exsist. so for the next few years of my life it mostly was made up of custody battles between my mom and dad with my step parents only making mine and my siblings lives worse. my mom had given birth to 4 more children who I love with all of my heart. I had moved a lot since I was born. I went from st,clair shores to Wyandotte then to taylor and that was just with my dad. I had gone to the same school until 5th grade, my step mother had forced my dad to take me out of the only place I knew that made me happy and that was eureka heights elementary school. I loved that school, its where my love for learning began. I had friends and the teachers knew me because of my siblings and the counselors already knew my home situation. I was outgoing and happy there. they moved me to blair moody in the 5th grade and I will never understand why my dad let that happen. I hated it there, I missed my teachers and I missed my friends. towards the middle of the school year my mom had moved us to grosse ile which I hated even more. its a very lonely island, the kids always thought they were better than me and made me feel horrible about myself. I started and finished middle school in grosse ile. When I was around 9 my step mom had cheated on my dad and they got divorced. she had multiple affairs throughout their marriage and eventually got pregnant one time. she told my dad it was his then aborted it and told him she had a miscarriage. later she got pregnant and this time it really was my dads but we found out later that it was a pitty baby. anyways she had given birth to my beautiful baby sister, the only good thing that came out of their marriage. after they got divorced my dad slipped into a deep depression and disappeared out of my life. for years my mom had told me it was because he didn't love me and didn't want me. I felt I would never be good enough for anyone because if my own dad didn't want me why would anyone else. My oldest sister had left my moms at 14 by telling the cops she would kill herself if she was forced to go back. my brother had just run away and never came back to my moms when he was 16. my other sister left my moms at 16 because my stepdad said we weren't allowed to see our brother anymore and i ended up having to raise my 4 younger siblings. but they all left for the same reason... they were tired of my moms bullshit, they were tired of seeing her get beat and every time we put my stepdad in jail for it she would bail him out. I watched my mom get beat up every single night for 15 years. during the 7th grade I began failing my classes and I wouldn't go to school everyday, I would bargain with my mom to let me stay home. I was diagnosed with extreme to severe depression when I was 12...that was also the year I watched my mom get taken out on a gurney while she was shaking and crying, begging for my step dad to not hurt her. I couldn't get out of bed, I wouldn't eat, I slept too much or too little. I didn't talk to anyone. I stayed in this little world in my head where things were perfect. in the 8th grade I moved to trenton with my mom. I started high school in Trenton and I made friends on orientation day for the first time in years they even convinced me to go to the homecoming game where I met my first boyfriend. that night we hit it off, we talked for hours and he stayed by my side all night and he even walked me home. he said I was beautiful and that he liked my natural hair which is curly and out of control. when I got home we started texting. we talked everyday and he eventually asked me out and I of course said yes. by then my dad had been out of my life for 5 years and my mom would never let me forget it. she told me that he wanted her to abort me and the moment she old me that everything inside me died. I hated myself. I told her I wish she did abort me. I was so depressed and full of anxiety. I was with my boyfriend for 4 months and it ended in march because of me. I had broke up with him because I met someone else. it was my little sisters birthday party and my moms friends had come with their children. I seen 2 walk in and I didn't pay no mind to them but then one boy came in..he clearly didn't want to be there. I actually had to do a double take. he followed me like a puppy that night and I would take quick glances at him. when they were about to leave he ran into my house and asked me for my snapchat and I gave it to him. we talked all night..and that was also the night I broke up with my boyfriend and it is now the one thing I will always regret. this new guys name was cj, he was dreamy and knew just the right things to say. I seen him again on his birthday that was the day we started dating. he was my first love. everything was great at first. my mom and step dad would go out with his parents and party so I would be at his house with him and my siblings and I would watch the kids and spend time with him. he showed me the love I didn't get from my dad or my mom. by this time I had stopped going to school. I was too tired from taking care of my siblings all night and then getting woken up at 3 or 4 am bc the parents were arguing and the kids were crying hysterically. I would get everything calmed down and stay awake for the rest of the night because I was too scared to fall back asleep. at the end of the school year we moved to garden city. we had been evicted from yet another house, I learned to not get too attached to places or people and for me...I didn't have a home. me and cj had been together for 2 months around this time. he helped me move into the new house and he came over every day since he lived 5 minutes away from me. I lost my virginity to him. in july I had finally left my moms when I was 15. something in me had snapped that night. my cousin didn't know who I was because my mom never let me see my dads side of the family. I called my sister because I was going to try to kill myself again. I had a handful of pills and the note on my dresser. my sister drove from grosse ile to garden city and saved my life that night. I packed my things and I left as fast as I could. I told my younger siblings that I loved them and that it wasn't their fault I was leaving..they were the only reason I stayed as long as I did..seeing them cry as I left that night made my heart break into a million pieces, they were my babies, everything I had done was for them. it was a fight every night I was gone. my mom had called the cops and reported me as a runaway. she said I was an ungrateful child. cj was kinda by my side. he didn't understand my situation. he didn't understand the hurt I was going through. I moved in with my brother a few weeks after I moved out. sometime in july cj had broken up with me. he said my family had caused too much drama and he couldn't do it anymore. the very next morning my mom came with the cops to come and get me. my entire world was falling apart around me. I was too emotionally and mentally drained to even fight it. my brother had been out of town on business so it was just me and his girlfriend. the cops told me I was just a kid who didn't like the rules and I had no reason to leave my moms. I was trying to tell them what happened at my moms but my mom kept denying it. so I gave up and just left with her. I got hack to her house and my room was used as a storage unit for them and I had to clean it by myself. I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to stay in bad and sleep and wait for cj to come back. I thought maybe it was just a dream and I would wake up and id be at my brothers but it never happened. my mom and her best friend at the time would tell me I was stupid for leaving. they made me feel bad about myself everyday. I told my mom I had lost my virginity to cj and she called me cheap for giving it up to him. I got enrolled into garden city highschool. I went the first day and never showed up again. I lied to my mom and told her I was walking to school but I would leave for an hour then walk back and climb into bed and hide under the covers...she slept the whole time so she had no idea anyways. her friend had seen what it was like for me there and ended up getting me out of there. my mom raised hell when I left again. she hated me. I hated her....the night I left was the first time I had seen cj since we had broken up 4 months ago. and with my luck Nicole (my moms friend who had gotten me out of my moms) was dating cjs dad. I celebrated my 16th birthday with my dads side of the family. my siblings, my grandparents and my dad. after 7 years of not seeing him I seen him again only a month before my 16th birthday, one night my dad TEXTED me and told me him and my now step mother we’re engaged. everyone knew except me and I had to find out over text. I froze..i couldn't say anything and I just burst into tears. I was angry and I was hurt. my dad had put his girlfriends before me for years and now he was engaged. I called him and went off. I told him how him leaving effected me. how I couldn't trust anyone because of him...that night I made my dad cry..and I couldn't stop because it was his turn to feel what I felt. while I lived with Nicole I had found out my sister was pregnant. it was one of the happiest days of my life. I will always remember how I felt that day... I had also dated cj a few more times and each time he would break up with me after a few weeks. he would get me high and have sex with me and then he would leave me. I felt I was only good enough for a quick fuck. me, Nicole and her two kids moved in with her boyfriend and my ex. which only made things worse for me. we dated one final time. mine and nicoles relationship slowly deteriorated and we got into an argument and she kicked me out. I went to my grandparents cottage for a week and never heard from Nicole again. cj broke up with me again for the final time. he had cheated on me for the final time. he had broken my heart for the final time. I moved in with my dad and he went and stayed at his wifes moms house with her and her daughter while I lived alone with my sisters cats. I drank and got high every night to try to avoid the things in my mind. October 1st my niece was born. and the same day I got evicted from the place I was staying at since my dad wasn't paying the bills. so I moved in with my grandparents. I continued to smoke and eventually got caught and got kicked out. I felt terrible. I moved in with my dad and only 2 months later we got kicked out because him and his wife were acting like idiots. I got pissed off at my dad because he had let me down again. I called me sister (the same one who picked me up from my moms) and I lived with her foe a couple months. it was great, I got to see my niece everyday. I was in a really good place mentally and emotionally. I was on my meds and I was doing my online school which I was put into during the 10th grade. I celebrated my 17th birthday with my sister and brother. she got me cake and some painting stuff. now I live with my dad and here we are. I am still very depressed. im not currently on my medications due to money problems and I cant afford it. me and my dad are working on our relationship, me and my step mom are close kinda, I love my niece who is now 7 months, me and my mom are on good terms and she even threw me a birthday party. ive come a long way. and even if no one else is proud of me...I am. Don't get me wrong I still have things I need to work on but im getting there. and my siblings and grandparents have been here for me through every step. I love them and couldn't be more thankful. last year around this time if you asked me where I think I would be right now...I would say dead..but 7 months ago my beautiful niece gave me one more reason to keep fighting all the bullshit.

there is no way for me to be able to fully describe how my life has been..this is just the quick version.

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