#also no need to apologize for a long ask i've gotten longer and the “they could never make me hate you jan” is so R E A L XD

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

This is something I (apparently) do so I’m forcing it upon Virgil bc he’s my second favorite (they could never make me hate you Janus sanders🫶)

Whenever Virgil gets feverishly ill, he’s pretty much delirious. And on top of that he doesn’t remember it

Janus and Remus are used to it, and now the light sides are because he’s lived with them for so long. But the first time it happened?

Patton thought he was dying or something, Roman was confused and a tad bit concerned, Logan was like ‘Wtf, how are you the only one sick?? Are you good?? What the hell??’ And meanwhile Thomas is none the wiser for plot convenience

Then like a week or something later when he feels better, they are like ‘what happened? Why were you sick? Are you feeling better??’ And virgils like ‘what’

So they try and explain but Virgil’s just confused. He literally didn’t even know his ass was sick

Janus had to explain to everyone else

They’re all used to it now but GOD were they freaking out 😭

- Vee 💜

Sorry this is so long btw

Oh my god I L O V E that XD The Emo Spider is practically drunk on sickness while the Lights and neither Vee for that matter know what the fuck was going on with him at first but luckily the two people who know him the most will gladly explain XD

[stark-ironman]

I am in love with your writing, and I am also OBSESSED with Hugh, I simply need to give this man five children, anyway, could you please do something with Hugh now, with a younger girlfriend, maybe 21? She's getting pregnant for the first time and being scared, and Hugh is there for her as the sweet and loving man he is 🙏🏻❤️ plss, sorry for the bad english, it's not my first language, tkss

I'll be there for you

A/N: I loved writing this! I wish it was longer but I might come around and do another part to this. I hope you like it! Always remember you can send in more requests!

Warnings: Accidental pregnancy, age gap (reader is 21, I made Hugh 51)

Positive +

Your breath hitches as you look at the four tests laying on the counter. This wasn't supposed to happen, not when you and Hugh made sure to be really careful when having sex because you two agreed on just being friends with benefits, nothing more. There's absolutely no way he wants to have a baby at his age. Not that he's too old but you know he's had other plans for his life that never involved a baby.

Your phone buzzes, pulling you from your thoughts and you read it.

"Come over when you get done. I want to see you." Hugh texts, making you start panicking. Fuck, fuck, fuck... what are you going to tell him? Better yet, how?

Taking a deep breath, you stick the tests in a bag and drive over to Hugh's place, a little slower than normal but you arrive faster than you planned.

"Great to see you, love." Hugh smiles as he hugs you, letting you walk inside and you give him a small smile. "Do you need to put the stuff in the bag up?" He asks. You start fidgeting with the bag, feeling your heartbeat and breath start picking back up.

"Hey, what's wrong? Did something happen? Did I do something wrong?" Hugh starts immediately asking, pulling you in for a hug. Apologies fall from your mouth as tears run down your face, handing him the bag.

He looks at you confused but opens it, pulling the test out while you try to read his face for any kind of emotion. "You're pregnant?" His voice is hoarse as he continues to stare at it. "Yeah, I found it when you texted me earlier." You sniffle, wrapping your arms around yourself. "Well, what do you think about it?" He asks.

"I don't know. I know you didn't want anymore kids, especially with someone as young as me. I wasn't even sure if I wanted kids and now..." Your voice trails off and he motions for you to continue, "Now I want to keep the baby. I know you probably don't want to but I'll raise the baby by myself and I-" Hugh cuts you off by kissing you, running his hand through your hair.

"I never thought I would want kids again but being with you these past several months has made me question what I want out of life. I know I'm too old for you.. fuck, we probably should've never gotten together but I can't help but feel a deep love for you. I've loved you for a long time now but I was okay with being your fuck buddy. I want this life with you and our baby too. We can have as many babies as you want if it meant I get to be with you." Hugh confesses, not caring that he's rambling.

You stand on your tiptoes, kissing him softly. "I love you too, Hugh. I want this life with you. I've never cared about your age and that won't change, ever." He smiles at you, leaning down and pressing his lips against your stomach.

[fatuismooches]

Helloo, Smooches! Been a long time since I've been here😅 In meantime I got a decree and currently I'm dying from heat, but anyway - Natlan. While I'm disappointed at the lack of melanin, at least women there are pretty. And Capitano!

I just thought Capitano is the kind of guy who unintentionally can speak of his lover for a long time, until someone stops him. Sure, in trailer all he said is "Hm", but I'm telling you, in expedition with him, Varka, Mika and favonius soldiers learned a lot about you simply because Capitano kept talking and others were too scared of him to actually call him out

Then in Natlan, he'll talk to Traveler respectfully, only when needed, but as soon as Paimon asks why he takes so much photos and for who or whose *insert item* he's wearing (I feel like Capitano's lover will give him something like a good luck charm) and he'll start talking about you and oh boy, while Traveler and Paimon want to meet you (mostly bc they're curious who's that person who manged to form a relationship with #1 of Harbingers), they also regret asking anything and think how they can tactically leave. And it happens every time someone asks Capitano anything related to his lover

-🥀

It's not unknown that Capitano is a quiet man, even when he speaks he's straight to the point, not wasting time on anything unnecessary. He much prefers for his actions (or blade) to do the talking. But there are a few souls who have witnessed the Captain's mouth run on for longer, much to their surprise (said people still haven't gotten over it, except Varka. That guy knew exactly what he was doing when he met the Harbinger, he wasn't scared at all. Though he didn't mention the abrupt talkativeness because he much enjoyed seeing this side of Capitano. Even gave him some romantic advice!)

It was the same with the Traveler, he was a bit interested in them from listening to the tales of his soldiers, but his calm demeanor remained the same. He was really just focused on his mission for the Fatui - the Gnosis and whatnot, and secondly, his mission for you - getting the perfect gifts as an apology for leaving you for so long. Needless to say, he's gotten the hang of it after having to go on so many expeditions. (And his agents secretly drop hints during conversations with him, because they're the #1 Reatano shippers.)

Of course, Paimon is nosy as usual and can't help but ask about the Capitano's peculiar habits. Or wonder why someone as strong as him needs something as tiny as a good luck charm. (Can't blame her much though, it's not every day you see the Harbinger doing such... normal things.) Capitano then mentions his marriage to you very simply - he's not ever embarrassed or reluctant to say he's with you, plus he trusts the Traveler to a certain degree that they'd never hurt you. Traveler and Paimon nearly explode on the spot.

A Harbinger?! Married?! Happily married too?! And he's this dedicated to you?! Who. Are. YOU?! They try to pry a bit more for info, but even more to their surprise, he offers up more things about you (though he knows the limit - he won't ever compromise your safety.) But at the same time, he can't help but talk about you - you're just that amazing there are so much things about you that he notices every time he sees you again after ages. You- you're just so-

The traveling duo are praying to every Archon that someone will come and interrupt this conversation.

[kitixie]

Little Girl Gone (pt 6)

word count: 2k

information: y'all, i am so sorry this took so long, i've been in a slump and clinicals just started so i've also been super busy. but i promise i am going to finish this!

warnings: smut. dirty, filthy, nasty smut. seriously, its like 3 pages of smut with some dialogue, but i won't apologize for it 🙃

taglist: @budugu, @ajmiila02, @filmtv2022, @cyphah, @ce1iat, @thenattitude, @globetrotter28, @tn22220-blog, @fudgethisyo, @geeky-politics-46, @chaengist, @lostgirl219, @amberpanda99, @sharrren, @bookishbabyyyy

Tommy’s POV 

It had been a week. It had been a fucking week since I had last seen Y/N, since I had tasted her lips on her kitchen counter and gathered the strength to pull away. Dealing with business and family had made this week drag on like months, leaving a hole in my chest that grew everyday I wasn’t around her. I had been so close to having her, her body and mind were almost mine, and then I remembered that stupid, pointless meeting in Camden, and I pulled away like an idiot. I was needed at the meeting, but still; I needed her more. 

Everytime that my mind has dared to go back to that night, it always ends the same. Me in a bathroom or closet or any other private place, jerking my cock like a madman. I couldn’t stand it any longer, I needed to have her. I knew I wouldn’t be able to see her for a while, and that only made it worse. It only made me treasure the memories more. 

“Thomas,” Polly croaked, I could still see the tear stains on her face from earlier. 

Business had not gone well, ending with Arthur and John being arrested, and Michael getting his ass handed to him in the process. Polly had been crying and screaming the entire time, along with Ada, who is ever the dramatic. Ada has now resumed her vow of silence against me, at least until I get our brothers free, and Polly won’t stop fucking crying, tears coming out between her hands as she covers her face. I understand her upset, I really do, but it isn’t my fault that her son manages to get beat to a pulp everytime we go out, and she knows it. 

“Yes, Pol?” I finally answer, the solemn look not leaving my face. 

“What are you going to do? Ya have to get your brothers, the longer their in there the more pissed they’ll be,” she breathes, “I can take care of Michael, but you’ve got to handle things with the prison.”

Finally recognizing some of the life that comes back to her eyes, I sit for a moment. It’s not a problem to get Arthur and John out, I pull people from the jail all the time. I’m just not sure what to do with them once they’re out. They’ll be angry, looking for revenge, and I’ve got a sweet girl waiting on me that overpowers all thoughts of payback. Everyone will get what's coming for them, we are the Shelbys after all, but I want to come first. Preferably all over Y/N. 

- 

Another week gone by, and still I haven’t gotten to see her. The hole is now a gaping wound, and my cock is sore from how much my hand has been on it. 

I was right, Arthur and John drug me straight back to Camden Town after they got out, and it’s taken all week to stalk and plan out our retribution. We got it, but at what cost? I still haven’t been around to see Y/N. I know she's been at the house, Pol called and told me that she asked her over and watch Finn while she tended to Michael. Hearing that made my heart swell the most it has in a long time, just knowing she cared enough to do something as simple as watch my kid brother. I am so far gone for her, and I don’t even think she realizes that she holds the most powerful man in Birmingham at her fingertips. 

The three of us eventually arrive back to Watery Lane, and I immediately notice that Y/N’s umbrella is propped by the door. The adrenaline begins to rush through my veins, waking up all of the feelings that I just got to lie down this past week. All that lust and longing comes flooding back into me, all from an umbrella by the door. I enter the house first, and hear the sounds of laughter coming from the seating room. I peek around the door frame to see Finn and Y/N, locked in some sword battle, using sticks as their weapons. They slash at each other, Y/N obviously holding back given that she has almost two feet in height on the kid, but still it’s one of the most adorable things I’ve ever seen. 

I, Tommy Shelby, just found something adorable. Something is truly wrong with me. 

I ultimately decide not to disturb them and continue walking to my room. It’s only when I get to my room however, that I notice the tent that has formed in my pants. Fuck, I can’t even see her without getting aroused. I hear John and Arthur speaking to them downstairs, and figure that they’ll keep them busy long enough for me to handle my issue. I carefully shut my door, and lie down on my bed. Loosening my pants, I free my cock from its confines. The skin is red from straining against my clothes, but it only adds to the tenderness as I stroke myself. I imagine it being her hands, dragging up and down my length, toying with the sensitive head. I run my thumb over it, letting the pain from being so hard morph into the pleasure I’m imagining in my head. I picture her mouth, those soft, pink lips wrapping around me, licking and kissing all over my skin until she finally makes her way down. She’d start slow, testing the waters to see how she could handle me, until finally sinking all the way down, my cock touching the back of her throat. The same throat that makes all those mouthy remarks, and keeps all those secrets of what she wishes I’d do to her. I even go so far as to imagine her own fantasies, picturing her getting off to the thought of my hands on her, just like I’m doing now. The soft moans that would spill out of her mouth, falling hard in the silence of her apartment. The way her fingers dive and retreat in and out of that pussy; I know it’s tight, it has to be. That leads me to my next train of thought. The warm center between her legs, that would be dripping in arousal by the time I got around to it. She’d be so wet that it would go down her thighs, it’d be enough for me to drink. I let out a small moan, the feeling of my hand and the delusions in my head becoming too powerful. I can almost feel the softness of her lower lips, as they part to let me in. The filthy sounds she would make as I drove into her, first from on top of her, then once she got adjusted to my size, the way I would take her from the back. 

The motion of my hand stops as soon as I hear a glass shatter, and I peel open my closed eyes to find Y/N, standing at my door, face flush, with a shattered glass and pool of water around her feet. Her eyes do not meet mine, and I realize that they’re dialed in on my cock, with my hand still wrapped around it. 

“Tommy, I-I am so sorry, I had no idea-” 

I don’t let her finish before I’m on my feet. I step over the glass, scooping her up in my arms before placing her inside my room so that she doesn’t step on the glass. I close the door behind her, somewhat aware that my hard on is still out on full display. 

“How long have you been watching me, bad girl?” I say, bringing the same hand that was on my cock seconds ago up to her cheek. Her skin feels better than mine ever could. 

“Not long, I swear it Tommy,” she rasps, trying to keep her eyes on my face. 

“Did you hear me moan? That was for you, Love. You were what I was imaging,” I breathe, tipping my head towards hers. 

“No-”

“Don’t lie to me, Y/N.” 

“Yes, I heard you Tommy. It was a beautiful sound.” She finally admits, leaning into my touch and resting her forehead against mine. 

I smile at her, and go back to sit on my bed. When she doesn’t follow, I make the decision then and there. She can watch. 

I begin stroking my cock again, this time keeping my eyes on her. I can see that she’s a little confused, but more aroused than anything. I spot that blush spreading from her cheeks down her neck, and onto her chest. I can see how heavily she’s breathing, her eyes darting between my face and my hand. I let out another moan as I see her hand go up to her breast, palming herself through the fabric of her shirt. She’s as needy as I am, she just won’t admit it. 

I keep my pace, speeding up my hand to keep time with her breathing. The rise and fall of her breast picks up enough that I can feel my end coming near. She’s still watching, waiting to see me finish. I’ve never had an audience before, but I like that she’s the one seeing me. I give my length one last pull, and cum erupts, landing all over my stomach. I keep my hand moving until the last drop comes out, dribbling down my thumb. 

“Come here, Y/N.” I say, motioning her with my finger. 

She approaches me, staring at the mess I’ve made at myself, all at the sight of her. 

“Yes, Tommy?” She questions, that sweet voice dripping in feigned innocence. 

“Open your mouth.” I demand. 

She does as she is told, and I stick my thumb into her waiting mouth. 

“Clean it.” I poke her tongue with my digit, and she closes her mouth around it. 

She swirls her tongue around my thumb, lightly sucking at the calloused skin of my hand. She is very thorough, but if she doesn’t stop, I’m going to take her right here, with every member of my family in this house. She pulls away, letting my thumb go from her mouth with a pop. I move to sit up, heading to the bathroom to clean myself off. Before I have the chance to reach my feet, she pushes me back down, her hand gripping my shoulders. 

“What are ya doing, Love?” 

“I’m cleaning you up, Thomas.” Fuck, even just my name coming from her mouth is almost enough to have me hard again. 

She straddles my knees, bracing her hands on either side of my hips. I just allow her, wanting whatever physical contact she’ll give to me. She lowers her head, bringing it to the bottom of my stomach. She darts her tongue out, licking up the cum that pooled at my waistline. She swallows it, and I am in awe as I watch her. She traces the erratic trail up my body, her mouth leaving warmth in its wake. My skin flushes at her touch, and I jump when she lands her mouth on the ticklish part of my side, where the liquid has started to drip down. She lets out a small laugh and keeps going. Finally, when she has licked every last bit of evidence from my torso, she moves up, the crotch of her pants sitting right on top of my once again hard cock. I don’t move, in fear of not being able to stop, but she leans down, and whispers in my ear. 

“You taste delicious, Tommy.” She darts her tongue out again, letting the warm thing touch my ear before she nips at it with her teeth. 

I go to grab her hips, having had enough of her teasing, but she jumps off of me, landing her feet on the floor. 

“I think I heard Finn calling for me,” She says, turning towards the door where the broken glass still lies. 

She steps to the mess of glass and water and looks down. 

“It’s a shame about your water, Love, I’m sure you’re parched.” She smirks, stepping over the shards and sending me a wink before she closes the door. 

[aqua-the-smiter]

Part 4. Cato's still not paying rent. At least I started reading his books now. When he's needed most, he will crack. He thought that should've been obvious. Cato Sicarius x female reader you are the only light in his life Divider by @squishyowl, and once again I apologize for so many @ s. He won't leave me alone man. Song - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNNPgIfK2YE

As you stared up at Primarch Roboute Guilliman, you were filled with a mix of potent awe and fear.

He had sent Titus to fetch you while Cato was away, occupied with an Astartes's daily tasks. He'd been courteous and quite warm with you, which had gone a long way to ease your worries about being summoned by the Primarch. But standing before him now, you felt them all rushing back.

He was huge. You'd seen him from a distance, but up close, even just sitting down he was massive. Not just tall, but broad and well muscled. Bigger than even the Primaris marines. His expression was neutral, but you could see creases in his forehead where his own concern was showing through. That helped you wrap your head around him. You started paying more attention to his features as well. His skin was fair, hair was blond, and eyes were the most beautiful, startling blue you'd ever seen. That helped you ground your view of him. Once you got past the whole...Primarch-ness of him, he was quite a good looking man too. His face looked like it belonged on the back of a coin. You could see where Cato got it from, and you amused yourself by imagining Guilliman with a beard.

"My lord Primarch." You bowed low to him.

He returned the gesture with a nod, and bid you stand. "My lady. I apologize for summoning you here with little warning. I am tied up with preparations, but I had a spare moment, and I'd like to speak with you."

"Have I...have I done anything wrong?" You asked.

"No, you have not. Don't worry." He gave you a reassuring smile. You felt better almost immediately. "You have recently gotten close with Cato Sicarius, and I would like to ask you about him. That's all."

"I see. You're not...displeased with it at all?" Because I'm not leaving him even if you are.

"Of course not. It is unusual, but harmless. In fact I think you have been doing him some much needed good. He loves you very deeply." After a moment, he added. "Many Astartes forget they too are human. Cato having you will help remind him of that."

You thought for a moment. "Then you've noticed that he's acting weird too? I thought I was the only one."

Titus gave you a soft smile. "Not all of us have hung our brother out to dry."

Guilliman nodded. "I have noticed his odd behavior for a while. When Titus came to me about it, I realized I cannot let it lie any longer. Which is where you come in. You know him well. I wanted to ask you what you've noticed about him. What you've seen."

You breathed a sigh of relief. Happy to not be in any trouble with the Primarch, and also that someone seemed to finally be taking notice of Cato's...issues.

"I thought someone would never ask." You admitted. "I've been trying to help him the best I can, but I think it's something far out of my wheelhouse."

"It's not an easy subject to broach."

"It's not." You agreed. "Well...let me think. He avoids his battle brothers a lot. Before we got together if he wasn't on duty I would find him in strange places. Doesn't really talk with anyone besides me either."

You paused.

"I've noticed he never seems to be calm. He always seems tense. Paranoid, even. Like he's just waiting for something to go wrong. Even when we're alone together I can feel tension in him. Sometimes I'll catch him staring off into the distance for minutes on end. He hears screaming, or music. He's woken up screaming more than once. Really, really bad nightmares. Night terrors even."

"Does he tell you about any of it?"

You nodded. "He tells me everything. I've been trying to be there for him. I told him if he needed just one person he could trust with this I would be that. He's told me about the Emperor's Will, and Damnos. Black Reach."

The Primarch was silent for a moment. "Thank you for your honesty. And for looking after him. I would like to say that he hid it well, but I think the truth is that he was not hiding it at all."

"You have so many other things demanding your attention, lord." It felt weird trying to reassure a Primarch, but you honestly didn't blame him for Cato's poor state of mind. "What are you going to do exactly?"

"I will have to consider it. This whole situation is delicate. But I will not leave it alone any longer. It appears to have grown into something where I cannot. Please, continue on as you are with him. You do him good."

You nodded. You doubted you needed to tell him you stuck with Cato because you loved him.

The Primarch let you go, and you gave him a little curtsy before you left. He smiled.

Titus turned to him. "What are you considering?" He asked.

Guilliman sighed. "For now? I will have to leave it to consideration only. I have received a message from the Redeemed."

"Was their mission a success?"

"If you consider rooting around in the Imperial Palace for one document a mission." He said with a rueful smile. "But yes, it was. I will have to leave soon, and go with them to Medusa. You will all learn what it's about when I return."

"You are leaving?" Titus asked.

"I have to. I made a promise."

He looked at the wedding ring sitting on his desk. Gold and silver, patterned in intricate Medusan knotwork. It was sized for a finger bigger than his, and hung on a platinum chain.

"And Cato?"

"Help him however you are about to. I will need him before long."

Titus nodded. "I will do my best." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cato wished Guilliman had taken him on his excursion. But the Primarch had been adamant. It was best if he undertook this mission alone, so as soon as the Redeemed had returned to Macragge, he'd been gone.

He hadn't quite resorted to begging, but it had been close. He was getting desperate to get off of Macragge. To get away from the Fortress of Hera, from his brothers. Even the civilians, who all looked at him like he was some kind of hero. It gave him a strong desire to start scratching at walls. Moreover, at least on campaign Cato had a solid excuse to avoid sleeping, even if he had an opportunity to.

Sleep was hazardous. With sleep came dreams, a jumbled mix of different pieces of his past all ground down into a slurry of nightmares. On campaign he was either locked in combat or planning strategy or doing a hundred other things. While he was stuck at home, he didn't have that. And even Astartes needed rest eventually.

Well, "home" was a relative term. He didn't remember the last time the Fortress of Hera had felt like home.

You, bless your sweet heart, were always chiding him about getting sleep. Even before he'd been blessed with you in his arms, as his serf you always made a point of looking out for him. Telling you off in that softly displeased manner that even Space Marines needed got tired and how he needed to go get some rest. You didn't know then, about his nightmares.

Granted, he didn't always have them. Whenever you cuddled in bed with him, his sleep was far more peaceful. Those nights were always the best for him. Holding you close, pressing his face into your hair, feeling your small, soft body snuggled against his. It was nothing short of blissful.

But tonight his bed was empty aside from himself, and his sleep was as troubled as it always was.

It was like an ocean. A geometrically perfect ocean of chrome and malevolent emerald green. The sky overhead was dark with an approaching storm, and the plain shrouded in mist.

And it was dead silent.

There were necrons. Endless, endless necrons, a legion of them stretching all the way to the horizon. Like every single last one of the mechanical horrors had made their way to this battle, and were all standing before him in a great gray sea.

He didn't fear them though. Cato Sicarius feared nothing. He was a part of the greatest army the galaxy had ever seen, and he was their zenith. No xenos filth would stand before he and his brothers today. No matter how many of them there were. He knew no fear.

"The day shall be ours, brothers!" He bellowed. "For the Primarch! For Ultramar!"

It was like a parody of every speech he'd ever given before a battle, all watered down and weak.

When he turned back to look at the ranks of his brothers behind them, he saw not a single one of them had moved. They all stood as stock still as the necrons, weapons held at the ready. It was like the legion of the Great Crusade come again. Had there been so many before? And they all stared at him. He could feel it, hundred of pairs of eyes all glaring at him. Judging him. Looking at him like he was an idiot.

In front of them stood Marneus Calgar and Severus Agemman. Both glaring at him in the same manner. Like he was a fool.

"Well?" Calgar asked him.

"What are you waiting for?" Agemman continued.

Cato wanted to ask what they were talking about, but his tongue felt leaden in his mouth. His jaw hurt, and he couldn't move it. Like it had been welded shut.

"You wanted glory, didn't you?" Marneus asked again.

"You want to be Chapter Master?" Severus echoed him. "Then go ahead. Go prove that you are worthy of it."

Cato wanted to scream that being Chapter Master was the last thing he desired now. He wasn't fit for the job and he knew it, but his mouth wouldn't work. He couldn't say anything, so he did as he was bid, his grip tight on the Tempest Blade.

He wanted to weep at what he saw in front of him.

The necrons had changed. They weren't metal anymore.

They were still necrons, but necrons made of flesh and bone and sinew instead. The shape was still the same, twisted into something made of glistening red meat.

Somehow, covered in organic matter, it looked even less human. The once metal skeleton, now bone, twisted and spiraled together in strange shapes. Raised red veins and ridges of flesh formed odd, vaguely geometric patterns in the muscle. He could see squishy, pulsating organs in their abdominal and chest cavities, barely held in place by spars of bone and stringy loops of meat.

Emerald eyes glowed with malevolent luminescence like the lure of some deep sea fish. Ivory teeth leered from lipless mouths curled into a mummy's dry grimace. The air stank of raw flesh and blood enough to make him gag. "I can't." He whispered.

"You must." Said Calgar and Agemman.

This time Cato was the one who began to scream.

And then he woke up. His face wet. With tears or sweat, he couldn't be sure. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ There was a small, unspoken fear when Guilliman left that he wouldn't return. Nobody said it aloud, but it was an undercurrent of tension all the same. Thankfully, it all turned out to be unfounded. The Primarch returned a few months later on the Redeemed's ship, safe, sound, and bearing some unusual cargo.

It was winter on Macragge. The Fortress of Hera was frosted in snow and icicles, and the neophytes were getting into snowball fights.

Of course, Cato didn't know that. When you'd made your way to his quarters to see if he'd gotten the good news, he was still fast asleep in bed. Snoring like a chainsword, nestled into his blankets, and drooling a bit into his beard. You giggled a bit, seeing your beloved captain looking so disheveled yet so cozy. It almost hurt you to wake him up.

"Peahen?" He asked groggily, his eyes fluttering open.

You kissed him on the nose. "The Primarch's returned."

That got his attention in a hurry. He sat bolt upright. "Did I oversleep again?"

"Not this time." You ran your hand through his hair. That helped calm him down a bit as he kicked his covers off. "Lord Guilliman is just an early riser it seems."

"I used to be."

You shook your head, throwing a body glove at him while he finally emerged from his blanket cocoon fully. Then you sat and set about polishing a few loose pieces of his armor. Helmet, pauldrons, gauntlets. He'd handle the big stuff.

"Don't bother with that." He chided, shuffling over with the bodyglove half pulled up to his calves. "You'll never finish it in time."

"Oh hush up. I want you to look nice in front of your gene-father. It'll go much faster if you pull that thing on and help me."

He rolled his eyes, but did as you asked, and ten minutes later his armor shone like blue tourmaline. The plume of his helmet was brushed out, and finally you helped him fasten his cape to his pauldrons.

"Oh look at you." You purred. "Always so handsome in your armor. Just like a peacock."

He tilted your chin back and pressed a brief kiss to your lips. "You do nothing but fill my ears with flattery."

"Someone needs to." You offered him his sheathed sword with some effort. It was affixed to his belt in short order.

"I suppose it's impossible to inflate an ego that has so many holes in it that it may as well be a shooting range target."

He offered you his arm, and the two of you walked down to the parade grounds to see just what had become of Roboute Guilliman. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cato took his place at the head of the other Victrix Guard, earning him a few stares since he was the last one there. He realized belatedly that his lack of punctuality combined with the state of his armor was probably sending a decidedly negative message. You might have liked his peacocking, but nobody else had ever did. He'd made an effort to stop. And now there's be snide comments for weeks about how he'd probably be late to a battle because he was shining his pauldrons. He sighed internally, already dreading it.

The Astartes were arranged into two columns, forming a path between them. Titus was standing a ways off with his Primaris, and Uriel with the men of the 4th. Calgar stood at the front along with the Victrix. Cato could've sworn he smirked at him as he passed by. The fresh snow from the night before was packed with footprints. Light wind sent small sprays of glittering powder skittering across the courtyard and ruffled his hair. They stood in silence, waiting.

Finally, the gates swung open, and the Primarch entered.

Trailing behind him came the Redeemed. Their armor gleamed, ceramite as white as the snow with gold trim. The chapter symbol, a wheel with eight spikes turned inward, flashed in the sun. So did their Chapter Master, and his crystalline...well, everything. Armor and body alike casting small rainbows on the ground.

The sword of the Emperor was sheathed at Guilliman's side. It took Cato a moment to realize he was holding something. Once he got closer, the Victrix captain had to bite back his shock.

In Roboute's arms was a tiny, tiny little baby boy. The infant was nearly swamped by the blanket he was swaddled in, black silk lined with the fur of a Medusan snow lion. Picked out along the hem in silver thread was a design of knotwork. Worked into the pattern was a gear with a hand in the middle.

He was fast asleep, his head resting against Guilliman's breastplate. Comically small. Roboute's expression bore a tenderness that none of the Ultramarines had ever seen on his face before. It made him look decades younger, stripping away the stress and pain in his eyes.

"It can't be." He barely heard Titus's whisper, and he was bound to agree.

Nothing had been said yet, but the obvious conclusion was hard not to draw.

Roboute came to a stop next to Calgar and turned to face his sons. The Redeemed lined up next to him, all solemn and oddly subdued.

"My sons." He began, quieter than he would have been normally. "I thank you for your patience while I was absent, and with the secrecy. This was too critical for me to risk. First, I would like to thank the Redeemed for their part in this. If not for you, this may have never been set into motion."

Kaleidius, the chapter master, dipped his head in acknowledgement.

"As for what this was all about, well. As it turns out, my brother was very, very good at keeping secrets."

But maybe in the end, he was the wisest of all of us for doing so.

"I know there are going to be many questions. There will be answers in time, but they cannot come now. Things are still...delicate. I will tell you this though. His name is Melor, and he is very, very precious. I will be caring for him for the foreseeable future, and we will be protecting him for as long as necessary." He announced, and let his words hang in the air for a moment.

Cato could hear even some of the Victrix starting to whisper amongst themselves, and he couldn't blame them. There was obviously something unusual about the boy, even if he couldn't put his finger on what.

"My lord?" Marneus spoke up. "Forgive me if this is out of line. But may I at least ask why you have chosen to take on this responsibility?"

"Do you take issue with it?"

"No, my lord. I merely wish for a clearer understanding of your logic."

Guilliman sighed. "There is not much to it. I made a promise. One I do not intend to break, no matter how inconvenient it is. I owe him that much at the very least."

He stroked the short, fuzzy growth of black hair on Melor's scalp with his fingertips. Then, he turned to Cato, who felt like things were about to go very wrong for him.

"Captain Sicarius."

He stepped forward at his Primarch's order. Feeling like a psyker with how he had predicted Guilliman's next words.

"You have been captain of the 2nd, and you are captain of my Victrix Honor Guard. Many times over you have proven yourself to be valiant and a warrior of renown."

He wanted to laugh. Where the hell had the Primarch gotten all that from? He was barely competent. His record was full of poor decisions and good men dead at his hand. Ego leading him around like the blind leading the blind, and he was only renowned because his battle brothers couldn't stand him. But he couldn't make his jaw work to say any of it.

A part of him wondered if this was Guilliman's way of humbling him even further. Of bringing him down so low that he never forgot how much of a failure he truly was. Why else would he ask him to guard an infant? One who's significance he had yet to explain. It would surely keep him far away from any future battlefields. Maybe someone else would replace him as captain of the Victrix while he was relegated to nursemaid.

Over the sound of his blood in his ears he swore he could hear a pipe organ.

But...

No, surely not. One look into the Primarch's eyes told him that. There was love there, genuine love for that child. He wouldn't put the boy at risk by using him as a tool to rein Cato in. Which left an even more horrifying reality.

Guilliman thought he was a good man for the job.

"I am assigning you to be his guardian. I will be with him as much as I can, but I know for a fact it won't be as much as I would like. You will protect him when I cannot."

Cato felt like the ground was caving in under him. He didn't know if he wanted to scream or laugh. That child was probably safer with Ezekyle than with him.

"My lord." Cato began, his voice uncharacteristically weak. "I'm honored you think I am worthy of such a task. But I cannot accept this duty."

"Captain?"

"I am not the man you want for this, my lord. I cannot protect him."

Titus and Uriel shared uncomfortable glances. Even Calgar's usually unreadable expression was slackened a bit as he stared at Cato like he'd gone completely mad.

Kaleidius looked at him with surprising pity in those blank, pitch black eyes.

"Explain yourself, captain." "I..." He felt like his throat was sewn shut. "I am not reliable, my lord. My record speaks for itself. Heavy losses and failure after failure. I look around and all I can see are my brothers who are not here. They’re all dead. My honor is in tatters. I cannot take on a task so important in such a humiliated state. I don't know why you still allow me to lead the Victrix guard like this."

He should have been demoted. He should have been sent back to the scouts like Leandros had been, to learn a lesson. He should have been executed.

His battle brothers stared at him. As if he'd just morphed into Horus himself in front of them. Most of them had no idea where all of this was coming from.

You knew. Watching from a doorway with some other serfs, and it took every ounce of your self control not to runto Cato and throw your arms around him. Titus and Uriel knew, given looks they were exchanging. The former's a mask of barely contained horror. If he'd known it was this bad, he would have talked to Cato himself.

The Primarch's expression softened, just a fraction, and his voice was more compassionate than another commander's might have been. "That is not for you to decide. I have made a decision which you have no right to refute. I understand that some of the things you have done haunt you, but you let that color your view of everything you have done. Do not let a few failings tarnish every achievement."

Roboute could see that Cato wasn't convinced in the slightest, but he nodded in assent. "Yes, my lord."

He complied. What else could he do? If there was a way to dissuade his Primarch's misplaced confidence in him, he didn't know it. What he did know is that when this too ended in failure, the consequences were going to be horrific. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cato knelt down, holding you close. Hugging you tightly, as tightly as he dared. His head rested in the crook of your shoulder, and you felt that spot growing wet.

You didn't care. You held him just as tightly, running your fingers through his hair. He didn't say anything, didn't make a sound. Just clung to you.

"Maybe Lord Guilliman is right." You told him softly. "I think you'll do just fine. Don't let every wrong thing you have ever done wipe out all the good."

"And what good have I done?" He whispered back.

You kissed his forehead. "More than you realize."

[raccoonfallsharder]

Hi there! This is probably such a silly question, so I'm sorry in advance, but in your fics, how long is a "cycle"?

I've gathered that a rotation is the equivalent of about a day (I think? lol) . Is a cycle the intergalactic equivalent of like a week or maybe a month in your fics? I originally thought a year, but in WAtG its stated that Jo "crosses paths with the Yondu Clan once every fifteen cycles or so." So a year seems like the wrong assumption on my part haha

Thank you ♡

hey honeycomb! these are SUCH FUN questions because i am such an UNHINGED NERD, especially about time and trying to make things make sense in space lol (also omg please never apologize for asking questions?? ever?? you’re a delight. curiosity is beautiful and giving other people a chance to explain their thoughts/loves/interests is a gift you give whenever you ask)

so first of all it’s worth noting that i’m pretty sure in at least one of the games, it’s the opposite — a cycle is like a day, i think? and a rotation is a week or a month? (i used to know this with more certainty because last year, i had researched obsessively to find out if there was a singular canonical way of measuring the passage of time in marvel-outer-space. fyi the short answer is no). worth noting: this is how i thought of time when i was writing ᯓ⋆｡°✩practice because that takes place in the eidos universe but i deliberately didn't dwell on it too long so people could interpret the length of time however they wanted.

now, my understanding is that in the mcu, this is inverted. i had read that the mcu GOTG writers think of a rotation as being about a day and a cycle being about a week, so that is what i use in almost all of my other fics (especially the longer ones). sometimes in oneshots i default to day and week just for ease of understanding, especially for readers who may just stumble upon the story without having gotten used to my quirks.

now that’s the short answer and you can feel free to bail if you don’t want to read about the stupid amount of time i put into thinking about this lol. i swear I won’t hold it against you. for fucks sake SAVE YOURSELF

tsk. should've run.

as mentioned, i use “rotation” to indicate about a day, and “cycle” to indicate about a week. i also use “multicalendar circumrotations” or “circs” for a year-ish which is halfway made-up (the gotg holiday special mentions the multicalendar and i was like “i need a word that isn’t rotation or cycle or revolution to go with this” lol).

i also broke rotations into three shifts. for my purposes there are usually two wake shifts and one sleep shift per rotation, but i imagine some lifeforms require different amounts of rest and wakefulness - so while the start and end of shifts are standardized, how they are designated really varies by crew.

i think this was about all i had figured out when i was writing Window *:･ﾟ✧* - I think I had maybe approximated a cycle at around 8-9 days and a circ at about a year and a half. but when i started writing cicatrix.⋆☁︎:･꧂ i was referencing longer lengths of time a lot more often (and needed at least a mental guide for things like decades and ccertain chunks of years), so i expanded on my time measurements a lot more thoroughly (see below).

i don’t have anything equivalent to months but at some point i was like “i need to indicate something more than a handful of cycles and less than a circ” and so i added quarter-circs to my lexicon ‘cause months didn’t make sense in the context of a sort of “intergalactic standard” of time measurement.

there was a time when i thought about breaking down hours and minutes and shit too but then i was honestly like “dae that’s fucking bonkers. stop girl” so i decided that most universal translators are capable of doing the basic math required to calculate smaller units of time across languages lol.

a rare glimpse of dae notes/references from the top of my cicatrix notes document:

rotation: 30 hours (10/10/10 shifts) cycle: 10 rotations (300 hours) (1.79 weeks) quarter: 10 cycles circumrotation: 40 cycles (71.6 weeks) (1.38 years) 10 years = 7.26 circumrotations 4.13 years = 3 circs

anyway that's it i think, that's everything, it's ridiculous and i'm ridiculous and also thanks for giving me the opportunity to be a total loser about this. i am very cool and normal

i truly do appreciate the question honestly. may your day be full of morning glories and your night be full of good movies and tasty popcorn

[hanzajesthanza]

Dude, I just wanna say I am SOOOOO excited for your video essay on the Witcher. I have been waiting for a good essay covering more than the games and Netflix series for months now, as I like to listen to longer videos as I work during the mornings and I just know this is going to be so good. I've always loved reading your posts and analysis on the characters and arcs that books encompass, so I just wanted to share that I'm incredibly hyped for this, and I know you did an absolutely wonderful job piecing everything together and creating it :) I hope it gets the millions of views it DESERVES!!

i don't know where to begin, all i can say is thank you!! this ask totally made my night!

thank you not only for the encouragement, acknowledgement, validation... but for being. for being there, being excited, interested in the same topics. i'm just so happy i get to share this with people, that we get to share this—the fandom, the whole story, not just the video—together.

i'm really just so excited to share it and i hope everyone likes it or gets something useful out of it (and if it's not your vibe that's ok too!! everyone is invited!) like, i'm excited that you're excited... lol!

i really wanted to make something "quality" for people and for the channel, both in writing and in design. so there's a degree of storytelling that went into it, and i tried to make it visually engaging and structure it so that it's not just a spew of information, but like a little journey for everyone to come along with me on. most of the research was new for me too, so it's like we get to figure it out together.

below the cut is this kind of "diary entry": a long, contemplative, stream-of-consciousness response, haha...

(you don't have to read this, especially because i got a little emotional in it, i just thought i'd take the time to respond to authenticity with authenticity and get some things off of my mind... in reflection of the video, but also just about my personal life lol.)

i initially felt worried that people wouldn't get what i'm doing and would misinterpret my arguments, but despite these urges to explain myself a thousand times, i ultimately let my writing speak for me, and shut down the need to apologize and cover up what is decent work with a littering of disclaimers. i realized i actually can't stand it myself when youtubers go through the whole rigmarole of "sorry i haven't posted," "sorry it's not perfect," "sorry my pronunciation is bad," "sorry i'm not an expert" before they get to the actual video or what they want to say... i'm all: "lol, no worries. i wasn't expecting perfection, i'm just here to watch what you made." and i feel like most people have a similar reaction.

i know the concept of "fandom" has often a poor reputation online as a toxic space filled with drama, witch hunts, offensive behavior, self-absorbed conduct... and of course, there is some truth to that... but, there's also the good side of "fandom," which often goes ignored in narratives about it. i think "fandom" is just a niche kind of "community," and communities are simply groups of people (human beings, which have primal troupe-like natures, both build each other up and tear each other down, faction-like, warring, but also protective, loving fiercefully)...

it was different fandoms back then, of course, a little over ten years ago, but when i first got into "fandom" stuff online as a pre-teen, it was just night and day as opposed to my socializing in real life.

in discovering niche interests, passions, and yes, of course fictional universes that draw you in... i've always had only so few people to share that with in real life—when it comes to popular medias, of course, these medias were things that everybody in my school class was into, my friends had gotten me into it—but as i grew a little older and went on my own explorative journeys, i became most passionate about things that no one around me knew of or cared about, and suddenly, it was really lonely.

it had been a bit lonely before that, i always liked the media a little "too much," to the point of my friends asking me if we can stop playing pretend on the schoolyard and go watch the boys play four-square instead :'D or if we could please talk about anything else other than [media]. these are just childhood stumbles, which i imagine everyone has... but i mean, in this younger childhood, at least we could talk about media stuff sometimes, and i wasn't shunned too badly for it. but interests shifted and i got into things that only interested me, then i became truly alone on the recess yard.

when i first got into "fandom" online: groups of fans of [shared interest], who want to learn more about/talk and listen to others about/share and see more of [shared interest], and that entire world fit on my little iphone as i sat by the fence during lunch period, okay, i'm being so melodramatic here, but it was like a "welcome home." it was like discovering an entire little fairy world in the hollow of a tree. you mean to tell me, this place has existed, all this time? people who have the same interest, who want to talk about it, who are even—ha ha, just imagine—interested in what i have to say about it? those people exist, and they also have their own things to say, which i can listen and respond to? an actual faerieland. magic.

alright, i'll chill out. it's just social media, it's just social exchanges. but social exchanges are powerful, as human beings, we're evolutionarily driven to crave them. social media so often gets seen as fleeting exchanges, shallow engagement, but i—and probably a lot of tumblr's demographic—don't most often speak in staccato sentences online, but rather paragraphs, essays, hell, documents. we try to talk to each other kind of like we would in real life, we collaborate in building canons, worlds, have real discussions about media and society and... life. i don't know if anyone's studied this kind of experience as much as the generic "social media rots your brain" narrative, but it's been mine.

when i talk about [media interest], of course here and now it's specifically the witcher, i'm doing it because i'm part of this community, this whole forum, agora... i want to talk, but i moreover want to be listened to, to share, to be in conversation, not just be alone with my thoughts and interests.

it kind of boggles my mind, because i spent so long (ever since those aforementioned playground days) feeling like talking about anything fandom-related was excruciating for the people around me: that absolutely no one is interested in this but yourself, so get used to it.

so now, the fact that, sometimes when i post something, write something, draw something, make a video, or just say anything about this interest, that other people see that and it resonates with them, they enjoy it, it moves them, they're not annoyed, but also inquisitive, eager to talk about this thing, to share, too... like yourself, so kind to send me a message like "i'm interested in, excited for what you have to say," that's fucking crazy to me, it makes me so grateful, and also puts me in almost a state of disbelief! not just that i'm flattered, but that we share the same interest, have similar questions and desire for discussion about it, and live in a time where we can talk about this together over an instant, online communication... that no one has to suffer alone with their interests, no one has to feel isolated and weird and not know what to make of themselves.

despite fandom being seen as mean and shallow, (... similar to fantasy, come to think of it—interesting parallel with the actual subject of the video!) it's also a group of dynamic communities, that are sharing and criticizing and... just, communicating. the ability to communicate, the culture of communication is so important.

working on this project, somewhat fittingly, made me realize that the world is very gray, and nothing is even wholly good or wholly evil. this, of course, mostly applies to the politics and history and the story of the witcher which i'll be talking about in the video;

but what i realized is that this lesson also applies to mundane things, common anxieties i have. for example, that social media is not just bad or good, it's a tool with certain outcomes depending on how you use it. that people probably won't totally ignore you and shun everything you have to say, but they also won't listen to your every word. that success in life isn't impossible, but it's also probably not going to turn out as it is in your wildest dreams.

we're (~gen Z including zillennials and young millennials) surrounded with so much doomerist culture related to our prospects in life, especially as relates to contemporary media culture and life success, but it's not hopeless. you can always be an outlier of the broader trend. sometimes, you have to choose to be an outlier of the trend.

this is something i begin to talk about towards the end of the video. bagiński and hissrich basically see the trend and go: "looks like their attention spans are fucked, better speed up the process" instead of allowing themselves to be different, instead of embracing what makes them ("fantasy") special, trying so hard to conform... and hurting themselves from it. and looking at that, i just realized, i really don't want to follow that example and do something similar to myself.

i have to be bold enough to put my authentic self out there, even if it's "too complex to be understood", if it doesn't appeal to everyone, even if it turns some people away. it doesn't matter, because i only have one "me" to share, i can't force myself to be something i'm not. what i can do is seek out the people who i think will understand, who will be interested in that complexity. of course, this is something anyone whose advice is worth a grain of salt will tell you, has told me—but maybe i only understood it best when a witcher metaphor was applied :p

i'm in my 20s, and it's been so strange for me after i graduated college (undergrad), since what's now been two years ago. i spent my entire life in school, and suddenly no more school :( so i'm trying to regrow, or maybe grow in a different direction, that part of me that i lost when i had to graduate and get out... i'm struggling with feelings of failure every day, that i haven't met anyone's expectations for me since graduation, there has been so many feelings of worthlessness and confusion, i've so lost without school: a neat structured framework where everything gets measured and you get nice summaries of how you're doing in life.

it's horrified me upon discovering that, in life, no one measures how you're doing! you just live, and no one says "you're doing alright here, but here you could use some improvement." no one gives you direction, you have to plot your own map of unexplored territory. and suddenly, i don't know who i am anymore, where i'm going, why i do anything, what my purpose or use is. and, because i'm not in a class where there's a grade average, i also have no idea how everyone else is doing, only a vague feeling that i'm far behind. so it's really been confusing, demotivating...

as this video essay project dragged on, for about double the time i thought it was going to take, this sense of guilt and shame started to overtake me. throughout the project, i had this nagging paternalistic chiding in my head that i should be chasing success, career, relationships, life... but instead i'm wasting my time on the witcher, writing something no one cares about and people won't acknowledge me for. throwing away my time on something that doesn't matter. it was very contradictory, because i liked working on this project a lot, and of course and obviously i love the subject(s) it's about.

but i felt so fucking guilty for not pounding the linkedin pavement everyday and instead spending my time and effort on this video, lol. related back to what i spoke of earlier in this, that fandom is seen as petty and stupid—it's not something to be proud of. in my saddest moments, i thought of how my favorite professors might react if they knew that after graduation, this was the biggest project i had pursued. and my cheeks reddened in shame, i sweat from anxiety... literally as i write this, my hands are kind of shaking and i'm a bit nauseous imagining having to admit something like that to them. i mean, just think of every little kid that's like "i wanna be a youtuber!" it's adorable when you're 13, not so much when you're 23. and again, contradictory! because this is something i'm so stupidly passionate about, i'm unable to abandon it for something more "honorable"! i felt, i often feel, pathetic for how much i love things that no one cares about.

but upon completing this essay, i realized that this was something i started and finished, by myself, for... well, not "for myself," it's for you guys, but for self-motivated reasons, i.e., i wasn't seeking anyone's pride or approval—of course, your pride and approval would be nice to have and i wouldn't deny it! but i really did this for the values i have about community, for educational and discussional purposes, and of course, love for the witcher.

i realized that i made this because i wanted to make something to share with others, for other's benefit, which, upon reflection, has little to do with what others think of me. and that's really interesting, because i've, in school, in the majority of my life, i think i've been chasing the approval of others, i really wither away without it... so it's cathartic to realize that i put effort into, i spent my time on, making something not for approval, just out of passion. there's some kind of valuable life lesson learned here, i bet... some kind of personal growth...

but yeah, it's kind of weird. i guess my path doesn't look like everyone else's, i probably look like a loser to a lot of people right now if they could see me. but this video is evidence that i've grown and matured (in ways which maybe other people had already achieved for themselves, and maybe they haven't...) it's proof that i'm not stagnant, that life does exist in me still, and it's taking a form i didn't expect. a person is emerging from me. i can only watch with anticipation for who they'll become.

[moth-monarch]

Ummm as long as I’m not being annoying maybe a fic of Dark Shadow interacting with principal nezu? Because neither of them are human and have been treated “less than” humans. If you don’t want to write nezu could you do kurogiri instead with the same premise? Because they are both seen as “monsters” and look so similar. (Again sorry for bothering you)

AAHHH! thank you so much for the ask! I will do my best but I've never written any kind of fanfic/one-shot down [for this fandom] so it might be formatted a bit weird! also, you're not bothering me or being annoying! I love being interacted with and writing stuff for characters I would otherwise rarely write for! I will do my best with this! thank you so much for the ask! I am really sorry this took so long [sorry about the long preamble]

it had been just like any other day for tokoyami. waking up to dark shadow screaming in his ear. going to school. barely surviving class. going back to the dorms to drop off their stuff. going home. getting kidnapped.

when tokoyami & dark shadow realized they were not where they were a second ago, all their hero training came flooding back to them and they started fighting. aimlessly, but fighting none the less

tokoyami fought as hard as they could but all his efforts were in vain. the person he was fighting was seemingly immune to his attacks.

tokoyami and dark shadow paused. the pair shared a glance. taking a moment to observe their surroundings.

a closed-off, damp, room with minimal lighting. in the center of the room floated? stood? a purple, smoke-like figure which dark shadow and tokoyami realized was one of the main members of the league of villians.

dark shadow quickly continued to attack, only to be restrained by fumikage. the three stared at each other for a long time. that was until principle nezu walked into the room, confusing dark shadow and tokoyami.

nezu explained in his far too cheerful voice that he had thought the four of them getting together to discuss the unfair treatment and discrimination they face as the result of not being what most people would think to be human.

the four quickly became engrossed in the other's stories and experiences. dark shadow taking change when the chat came to tokoyami, fumikage only injecting a few times throughout dark shadows' story.

the talk lasted much, much longer than any of the other participants had expected. when fumikge felt his phone buzz in their pocket, they saw five missed messages from his mother, three from hawks, and several from various of fumikages' classmates.

tokoyami brought this up and politely excused themself from the discussion. when he tried to get up and leave. he instead walked through a warp gate courtesy of kurogiri.

warped right back to where he had been. tokoyami quickly replied to all those who had texted him. apologizing to hawks for not being able to get KFC with him later, leaving his classmates in their class group chat on read, and explaining to his mother that he had gotten caught up talking to a friend and didn't feel his phone vibrate but that they would be home within the hour.

being a man of their word fumikage hurried home and made it just in time for dinner.

again, thank you so much for the ask! I am so sorry if this was not what you were looking for and that this took so long! until I find a tag for my textposts or any of my posts that aren't reblogs, I still need help finding that tag!

~moth☆

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

🔥 Do you think WWX and JC would make up after canon? I personally don't, I think WWX made his boundaries clear but I'd like to hear your takes and reasoning!

No I don't, I've spoken on what I think of this in a similar post some time ago so I'll repost that here again.

I think what was shown within the novel, was as true of a “reconciliation” as the two could have gotten between them.

Wei WuXian, “Uh, I think it’s best if you… also stop keeping it on your mind. I know you’ll definitely always keep it on your mind, but, how should I say it…” He held onto Lan WangJi’s hand, saying to Jiang Cheng, “Right now, I do really think… it’s all in the past. It’s been too long. There’s no need to struggle with it any longer.”

This is Wei Wuxian extending the only thing he can do between them, which is letting things settle in peace, move on safely, to start somewhere new in both of their lives without the other. Wei Wuxian had never wanted Jiang Cheng’s thanks for what he had chosen to do, he had done it out of love, which for Wei Wuxian can’t be measured in debts owed. He is urging Jiang Cheng to let go of a past that will only haunt him unhappily, they can’t gain whatever had been lost. And I think Wei Wuxian had long known that before Jiang Cheng given he does not treat Jiang Cheng and he the same as he once did and had drawn a line of boundaries between each other well before Guanyin Temple. Note that he never once calls Jiang Cheng “shidi” after the timeskip as he once affectionately had.

Wei Wuxian does not ask for apologies to himself, he tells Jiang Cheng to apologize for his remarks to Lan Wangji more than once due his own sense of loyalties for those that extend their kindness to him as his own shame doesn’t take precedent.

Wei WuXian took the flute. Remembering that Jiang Cheng was the one who brought it, he turned over there and commented casually, “Thanks.” He waved Chenqing, “I’ll… be keeping this?”

Jiang Cheng glanced at him, “It was yours in the first place.”

After a moment of hesitation, his lips moved slightly, as though he wanted to say something else. However, Wei WuXian had already turned to Lan WangJi. Seeing this, Jiang Cheng remained silent.

By this point hours later Wei Wuxian is once again subconsciously showing where he has drawn the line. Taking to heart what he had said they should do, not take what had once happened to heart anymore and stop thinking about it. And once Wei Wuxian has made something clear he follows through with exactly what he had said he would do.

I think Wei Wuxian had made his intentions known, and as he says later he would rather remember the kindness and happiness in his life than the worst of it. He doesn’t need a reconciliation, he is with the family he has found and made for himself without being pushed away and takes the unconditional love that is offered to him. I had once likened his inquires in the extras like how someone would about an old past friend, of course you would ask about their well-being and hope the best, but that does not mean you want to ever really see them again in person after that relationship was shut and closed. It is bittersweet, but broken friendships always feel like that, a piece of someone will always care about who they used to be close to and Wei Wuxian was always very caring in his sentimentality even with the bad. But he does not crave for anything else from Jiang Cheng any longer as he has found his happiness with who he wanted.

As for Jiang Cheng, I think he needs to finally learn to ultimately be by himself and learn to be himself without his hold onto past dead hopes. He had built his reputation on that in a world that is ultimately moving on and changing while he stagnated in his unchanging hate for 13 years. But he no longer had that tether to continue it on any longer. His life didn’t end with Wei Wuxian’s death, and it didn’t end when he fully confronted Wei Wuxian with his hate. He’s given a chance to be out of what he thought was forever Wei Wuxian’s shadow, and personally I think, even if he “loved” Wei Wuxian, he never truly liked him as he never tried to understand Wei Wuxian as a person.

There is a lot of matters that can’t be buried between them, as people they are polar opposites in what they want and cherish. They are not what the other needs in their life. I think Jiang Cheng’s lesson is to move past a life that he had made a habit of to be selfish and Wei Wuxian was a passive catalyst that had helped him to fester that. Sometimes, it is just simply the better option to leave each other and move on without the possibility of being friend’s for ones own peace. And reconciliation isn’t always as satisfying as a fairy tale in real life, nor should it be an award for the bare minimum show of humanity to another.

They do not understand the other's way of living. You cannot continue a relationship without understanding what the other needs or their views of life. They will be at a forever impasse because repayment and debts is what they grew up giving the other. Jiang Cheng still barely is able to understand why Wei Wuxian did not say anything, because bringing up that sacrifice would be breaking his soul. To reveal such a secret would shatter the happiness that Wei Wuxian finally earned by himself. It would be dragging Wei Wuxian back into a relationship based upon transactional favors and being granted live in return based on that again, while being able to take it away as Jiang Cheng saw fit.

[ofmdsalt]

Hey, I really liked your take about how Ed could have gone on a self discovery journey instead of ending up with Stede so I'm curious, how do you view Ed and Stede's relationships? TBH my interpretation is that lots of people in the fandom need to like...stop putting romantic love on this pedestal and understand that self and platonic love is equally important and media always skews our perception and the importance of romantic love in negative ways (I mean, there are literally academic articles written about stuff like this). And sure! a big part of fandom is the shipping! and a big part of the show is their eventual relationship! but idk like sure its nice to see and read but in irl I know lots of friends who fell into toxic and dangerous relationships because they were unhealthy and needed some growth and I've even lost a few friends to relationships that me, and our other friends, disapproved of. Some of those friends have even come back years later to apologize while others just unfortunately lost their entire support networks (friends, colleagues, and family) and still are in those relationships. Which like yeah in fandom i love the "us against the world" mentally but irl doesn't work that way. idk sorry for rambling, but would love to hear your thoughts.

sorry i left you on read for so long, anon! had to think this one through a bit.

so for those who don't know, they're talking about this post that i made. that was immediately screenshotted and taken out of context by implying that i said Ed needs to be 100% perfectly healed before going into a relationship. which is. a take. i won't go much into it, but this is a perfect opportunity for me to expand on that!

what i love in fandoms are long winded character studies. so a fic focused more on an individual person where the relationship (if there is one at all) is secondary. i've written such stories before because sometimes i like exploring an individual character and getting to know what makes them tick. what i wanted to get into with the post linked above is why do we immediately assume that a relationship between Ed and Stede is going to 'fix' them? both of them are in a period of flux within their lives. Stede has lived in a hetero marriage that was, as far as we can tell, fairly miserable and detached for both parties.

he then leaves them (lbr, abandons is a better word for it) to play pirate and put himself and others lives at risk because he does not know anything about the world he's gotten himself into

then we have Ed. a man who's reputation precedes him but who is also strangled and suffocated by this image that he's in. he's Blackbeard first and Ed second.

i can really resonate with both these characters and their struggles to understand who they are and need to be seen as who they want to be. it's a tale as old as time in terms of identity. and then when you add the complexities of a relationship into the mix of Stede realizing he's gay and Ed seeing that he doesn't need to be Blackbeard (but who is he really without Blackbeard?) it makes i all the more interesting

and then season 2 happens and packs in a whole lot of unearned character development due to budget cuts and a slashed screentime.

their relationship was never going to be perfect. no relationship is. but if that's how Ed reacted when Stede abandoned him, Ed should honestly be given the time to reflect on who he is now beyond Blackbeard. beyond being Ed&Stede, a romantic relationship. because the constant hammering home of 'it's the Ed and Stede show' reduces the complexities of these characters to a point where they no longer exist outside of each other. and i think that's really disheartening

why not give Ed a chance to discover himself? why not have him assert that he scared himself during his bender at the beginning of season 2? if he reacted that poorly to Stede's rejection, what will happen if they do break up? i think it's perfectly fine to ask and wonder if Ed should be by himself for a bit.

realizing you're not ready for a relationship can be a big moment of growth for people. knowing how to be alone, how to comfort yourself, how to be by yourself is good and healthy. and it's totally up to all of us to decide when we are ready to be in a relationship again.

i just wish this fandom didn't hit so many over the head with the assertion that Ed and Stede must be together no matter the cost. because sometimes that's not the best way forward and there's nothing wrong in taking more time to find yourself

[animentality]

Hi! I read your book and I enjoyed it thoroughly and I can't wait for the next installment cause I'm curious where you're going to take things and also your way of writing is very unique and I'd love to experience it again!

Also "Happy moments with unhappy people" lives rent free in my head now thank you

Also the way you wrote the flashbacks made it my favorite part of the book and I ended up looking forward to the next one about halfway through and I'm obsessed with Rey specifically like I know he literally says he only has the fact that he's hot going for him but hot enough to get THAT many people utterly obsessed with him? I need to have words with him his game is INSANE

Also also also I found your style a little weird AT FIRST, but then once I got used to it the flow was perfect and I got literally possessed by the book until I finished it and the flashback with Anaheim hit me like a goddamn freight train

Like Rey is this little sunshine outwardly but sombre and mature in his relationships and that was already a gut punch but then Anaheim happened and everything just suddenly clicked. Like Rey became so human to me that now I every time I think about him I get a pit in my stomach (/extremely positive)

I am a little insane for your book thank you so much for writing it and I'll be re-reading it very soon and I hope I get absolutely destroyed the second time through <3

(I think Rey's charms were so powerful even through a phone screen he's making me read the book again <3)

(Also genuinely last note I'm sorry I'm unwell for your book but the world/city had impeccable vibes and I felt a longing after I finished reading, like I wanted to be in the world a little longer and I cannot think of a higher compliment for your worldbuilding)

I love your book <3!!!

;-;

Never apologize for feeling unwell for my book, I am grinning irl like a madman after reading this ask.

This is the best ask I've ever gotten for 7 deadly habits, congrats.

This is what I write for. Asks like these...you're too kind.

I'm so glad you liked it.

I'm so glad you understand Rey so well.

I'm so glad you came around to my weirder writing style. I know it's a bit of an adjustment for most people, but I'm glad you found its rhythm and now you get it.

Totally would've been ok if you didn't though, because I know it's a lot.

But ahhhhhh.

Your love for Rey...you get him!

He really is vivacious and lively and charming...except when he's not.

That little pun about how he's a ray of sunshine...and it's true. However.

It's also just a front.

The greater depth of his character comes from pain.

He is someone who has hurt a lot of people and been hurt badly.

And bravely carrying on...well, is it brave, if he simply can't face the truth?

If he has to hold it inside and keep himself together with cracked armor, this thing veneer of the person he used to be, back before he you know. Spoilered.

I'm so glad you appreciated him.

Some people don't get him.

But you've understood the assignment!!

And I just love flashbacks. They're my weakness and they're absolutely overindulgent but I can't help it. I love them too much.

I'm so glad you understood them. You liked them.

I always try to make them as evocative and lonely and somber and sometimes, rarely, too good to be true.

Memory is like that, you know. You remember things better than they were.

You have to, in order to survive...

Anyway, I'm gonna print out this ask and frame it.

You did it. You got me ready to tackle 7 deadly habits 2 again.

I'm ready to finish editing it and have it out by August.

I'm going to, goddamnit. Even if it's just for one person in the entire world...it's worth it.

Thank you so much for this ask ;-;

7 deadly habits means the world to me and then this ask hit me in the chest with a sledgehammer.

The asks that keep me writing novels...in the dark times, when I feel like I'm writing for no one...

Thank you for taking time out of your day to write this. I'll think about this ask for years.

[enchanted-lightning-aes]

Prompt? How about more Tegan and Hwan cute awkwardness 😌

Maybe they need to get a gift for Nijiko?

Ahhh, yeah, here is more awkwardness featuring teh ladies. 😌

this got a bit longer than intended, however, i enjoyed it. this takes place in the main story, maybe in the middle of ch9 or ch10s. still figuring it out, though. 🌌🌌🌌

send me a prompt? for any oc, dynamic, fandom characters, concepts.

Word Count: 1127

T.W/C.W: None-ish

***

A row of pendant lights shine in florescence from a ceiling. Cast across several aisles of shelves. A clerk presses a button and opens a cash register, causing a click.

By the office stationery section, Hwan carries a small basket. That's been empty. Tegan moves some stacks of papers, peeking into what's behind it. She goes towards a container of pens, scrutinizing them.

They're browsing through aisles of stationery, searching for office supplies that Nijiko might need. Her sister's birthday might be February 6, however, she wants to check early.

Somehow, Hwan had to ask Tegan to accompany her. They work in the same theatre (Tegan in the backstage crew while Hwan's in the I.T area), so it made sense that she could ask her sister's best friend for help. Even if said person used to be her crush as a teenager.

They'd been silent on the entire cab ride. So, they both used their phones, barely looking at each other. She'd have said something except Tegan seemed busy. Tapping on it as if sending texts to her friends.

And she needs to break the ice. Or else she wouldn't get any progress going.

Hwan scans a shelf of pens, knitting her brows together. "What do you think Nijiko would like having?"

"I guess she'd love to have these," Tegan answers, lifting a file folder with a stripe print. "She has tons of papers, which she prints. In her office."

She nods. "Sure. That sounds good."

Tegan slips it onto the basket. "Yeah, that's one item. Extra more to go."

"Does she need another notebook?" Hwan catches a pile of journals arranged in a horizontal line. "I'm sure she designs a renovated room by visualizing it on paper."

"I have so many unused notebooks," Tegan said with a small laugh. "So many. I did open them to get a feel of the page and stuff. Your sister also does the same."

"Okay then I should get something she'll use."

"Ooh! She's been thinking of getting a glass board! But she's been busy with several clients, so she hasn't gotten any opportunities to do it."

"Has she decorated her office yet? Or she hasn't."

"Well, actually, I'm not sure. I haven't asked her that yet. She has asked for suggestions but that was months ago. And I've been busy and I sure didn't realize that her birthday was approaching soon. I mean five months is sorta far to be soon. But I guess a head start's gonna be useful. Getting a gift in advance is a good plan. And you still have plenty of weeks before that.

"Also you should know that she's learning a new sport. She has been practicing at a center because she doesn't have equipment at her home. Ah, yeah, she's trying out some tennis. I'm not sure if she told you this but she was inspired by Serena Williams. It's been letting her blow off steam. Whether it's a long day of work or a demanding client, she. . . uh oh."

As they reach to an aisle containing pens and other office supplies, Tegan clamps her mouth shut. She glances around and lets out a shaky chuckle.

"Sorry," Tegan says, shaking her head. "I went off on that, didn't I?"

"Sorta," Hwan answers.

"Yeah." Tegan's face twists like she swallowed a lemon by accident.

"You do that when you're bothered by something?" She slings an arm over her chest, narrowing her eyes.

Tegan tenses up as if she jumps in a millisecond. "Nah! Nothing's bothering me."

"Why you do you act so weird around me then?"

"Huh? I don't get what you're talking about."

"C'mon, from what I remember, you don't apologize for rambling. Unless you must be feeling ashamed or weirded out."

"I'm not ashamed."

"Is this because I've started working in the theatre you work in? I didn't intend in putting you in any difficult position. If that's the issue, you can say that."

"Hey, that's definitely not it."

"Then what else can it be?"

"I get a little uneasy with tons of people."

"Do I make you uncomfortable?"

"What? No, not at all. I guess having my best friend's sister as a co-worker. . . can be strange. However, I'm tryna get used to it. It's all me, it isn't you. Although, I'm sorry if I made you think that."

"Wait, is it. . . Is it because you didn't recognize me? Initially?"

At that, Tegan cracks up and her voice pitch goes high. She doubles over slightly, pressing a hand over her stomach.

"Wow, I. . . Hey, I didn't know! You didn't wear glasses before! So, it was a whiplash! I'm sorry for that, by the way. I guess you're probably thinking how stupid I was. And how didn't I notice I ran into my best friend's sister of all people. But I did know you've been back in the country, I just. . . I didn't think I'd see you around. Because I've been informed you've been busy and all."

Hwan turns away slightly, her internal temperature jumping. She bites the inside of her check, fighting a snort back.

Although it's been seven years since she moved abroad for her degree, Tegan hasn't changed much. She's somewhat more outgoing yet she's still gauche. Or probably around Hwan. No doubt Nijiko must have had a field day at learning about it.

At least, she managed to talk to her. Unlike as a gawky teen when she didn't speak, only hanging around her presence during her visits.

It's beyond what she imagined back then. And she gets it.

Tegan sure has been confused, she thinks in hilarity. The poor thing.

It's up to her to help her be comfortable, somehow. She's gotta try.

"Do you think she has something like this?" Hwan asks, getting a pantone book.

Tegan winces. "Uh, she. . . She already has one."

"It's difficult to find a present that she'd like and use," Hwan mumbles. "As far as I'm aware, she does eighty percent of her work digitally. She often mentions the amount of programs she installed. Just for her job.

"Maybe we can go to the mall for clothes." Tegan shrugs. "She's been complaining how she hasn't updated her wardrobe."

"If you think that's a good plan, let's go with it."

"Hang on. . . Are you sure?"

"You're her best friend, you know her well. I'd be glad for any help you can offer."

"Okay! Sure thing!"

"First, I'll pay for this and we'll get a ride."

"Yep, yep. Got it."

Tegan bows her head and Hwan proceeds to the queue, letting her be. She probably needs a moment to be composed.

Despite herself, a vibrance floods her within while she glances back. She scratches the side of her forehead, shaking her head a bit.

***

[writteninthesewalls28]

Family

A story about a girl wanting to find out the truth

A/n: Chapter eleven already… @niallermybabe this is the new one btw!

Warnings: curse words, mentions of death

Milly’s POV:

"Did Louis call yet?" Calum asked me, standing in our kitchen, preparing the pancakes. I shook my head.

My brother had been released out of the hospital, the next day after our rather unexpected and turbulent arrival. We left two days later and now have been back in Adelaide for about two weeks. And- well. Our apology had been very emotional for both sides.

(Flashback, the day after Milly and Calum arrived in London)

"Louis, darling. I'm just gonna grab a coffee, gonna be back in a few minutes." Harry said, shooting a glance at Calum who also stood up from his chair in the hospital and said: "Yeah, I'm gonna join. Do you want something too?" Looking at me, but I only shook my head.

I still had a pounding headache from my panic attack yesterday night. Everything would help, but certainly no caffeine. Speaking from experience.

As soon as the two men left the room, I was left in silence with my big brother. There was so much to talk about, but no one was brave enough to take the first step and start talking. After the longest 2 minutes of my whole life, I finally figured, he wouldn’t say anything.

"Lou, look. I’m sorry, so sorry.“ I took a deep breath, didn’t really thought it would be so hard to say sorry to a person you grew up with. Me and Louis normally always had a really good relationship, I never would have guessed one single thing could turn it upside down. "I know you deserved better, I should’ve checked my phone and give you and Calum more information." Half way through my 'speech' I started tearing up. I truly was sorry and just wanted to fix this. I could no longer live with this broken relationship, I needed my big bro again. But I wasn’t brave enough to say that to him.

"I also owe you an apology." He finally said. I sighed in relieve.

I slowly walked towards his hospital bed and kneeled down to the floor to look at him.

Tears were shining in his eyes too.

"I shouldn’t have gotten so angry and said all these mean things to you. I just-" His voice cracked and he let out a shaky breath. "I care about you. I want to protect you. For me, you are still the little girl, building sand castles and asking me to help." I didn’t notice the tears on my cheeks, till Louis slowly wiped them away. He chuckled and continued talking. "I sometimes forget you are all grown up. And how grown up you are. I never thought, you'd turn into such a beautiful, strong and amazing woman, Milly."

This, this is my brother. How I always will remember him.

"Thank you Louis. Thank you for giving me the chance to fix this. Just remember that I am very sorry for what happened. Next time, I'll be more careful. I won’t make you worry so much again. Promise." I stood up and hugged him. Louis gave the best hugs. I saw so many posts from fans about his hugs, but to really get them, you have to experience yourself.

His hugs always make you feel so comfortable and calm. That’s what I miss the most when I'm back in Australia and not with him.

"Gonna miss you." He said while hugging me.

"Yeah, me too. Australia is too far away from home."

My brother and I agreed on calling each other once a week to stay in contact and don’t let anything come between us again. However, he mostly forgot about these calls and wasn’t home on Wednesdays. It was just a quite annoying new bad habit of my silly big bro. But honestly, I didn’t even care in the slightest. As long as us two have a fixed relationship again, I am happier than ever.

Suddenly I felt a warm hand on my left shoulder. Calum. He put down the big plate with 3 steaming pancakes down right in front of me on the table. I realized, I've been pressing my chin onto the edge my cup filled with tea for the past few minutes and now my front hair got wet from the hot steam exiting the Harry-Potter themed mug. I quickly put it down and gave Calum a little smile. I knew that both him and Niall knew how exhausting these past few days have been for me. Mentally and physically I felt just empty. Like the energy to search for my parents never even existed. I desperately wanted to continue, but right now it just didn’t seem like I actually could.

"Mills, have you thought about what you want to do for your birthday this year?" Calum asked after sitting down on the chair next to me, slowly taking a sip out of his coffee cup (we had enough arguments about the issue that coffee is just disgusting but he wouldn’t believe me, so I decided to ignore it).

"Oh… I totally forgot about that one…" My 26th birthday, on 20th of October, was only about one week away, but with all the stress over the last days I completely forgot (or ignored, who knows..) about it. What would I want to do on my birthday though?

When I was a child, my mom always gave us the opportunity to decide on an activity we could do with the whole family. I very clearly remember my 10th birthday where we went horse back riding. The little brown horse that I sat on did not want to go forward, no matter what I would do. And I, I just started crying. Out of nowhere, the horse ran away and I fell off and broke my arm. The only birthday I ever spent in the hospital.

Mom didn’t let us siblings pick any other physical sport activities for the next 3 years, much to the disappointment of Louis, a very talented football player at the time, who loved making fun of Lottie when she didn’t make a goal again.

The first few birthdays after moms passing, the siblings spent together, mostly crying in each other’s arms. Then, everyone slowly started living their own life. Louis was busy with writing songs and being a Judge at the X-Factor. I moved to Adelaide to be close to Calum and to live with him.

I would never admit it, but me and Louis held the Tomlinson-sibling-team together. After the death, Lottie, the actual older sister, simply couldn’t. So I took her part. And when it was us two, Louis and me, leaving forever, we all knew the relationship between us 7 siblings would never be the same again. Too much happened, there suddenly were too many kilometers between us.

Hence, how would I possibly want to spent this next birthday?

"Milly, are you still on earth, or did you get lost in space again?" Calum asked with a huge grin on his face.

"Yeah, yeah. I’m still here, just did a quick trip to the past again." Calum helped me a lot during the first few months after mom’s death and had to deal with a very depressive girlfriend, who either didn’t want to even get out of bed in the morning or lost herself in her work, so she could ignore the pain. I was so grateful for him, and that he never even thought about leaving me. So he obviously knew that I would sometimes get lost in the past, but he also knew how to get me on the right track again.

"I got a little idea for your birthday." He quietly said.

"Ohhh, please tell me!" I said, rather relieved, maybe it could still be a good day after all.

"Since Niall is staying a little longer, how about we throw a little garden party with Niall and Luke, Mikey and Ash? Some other people if you want to—"

I interrupted him with a sudden hug. "Yes! You are the best." I whispered in his ear. A garden party with the people closest to me made me feel comfortable and safe. That could actually work and turn this day into something nice.

But first, I deep down knew I had to go and do something different before this little party.

Calum’s POV:

You guessed it. She left him again. Well- not left left him, but she made her way to the other part of Adelaide, to the neighborhood where her parents lived before they moved away. At least that’s what she believes. Calum, however, knew the truth. The house is empty because her father died and her mom, pregnant with Milly, moved away.

When Milly announced her plans for this day last night while watching the second Kissing Booth movie (yes, they fell in love with the trilogy), he turned quite anxious. What if she finds out and cannot live with the truth, what if she falls into the deep hole again, the same hole when her mom died? He wasn’t sure if he would be able to get her out of it once again, after all that they went through together. Both of them weren’t the strongest anymore. But, right now, he couldn’t change anything anyways, so he grabbed his guitar and waited for his bandmates who announced to visit him today so they could decide on the final songs for the new album.

Right in that moment the doorbell rang.

That has to be Luke, he’s the only one who’s always too early. Quite an annoying habit if you ask Calum.

"Hey mate!" A smiling Luke said when Calum made his way to the front door and opened it. "Good to see you!"

The exchanged a quick hug and then decided to already go to the music room and wait for the other two men.

"So…is Milly here today?" Luke whispered. At first Calum reacted rather irritated. Why would he ask that? But he quickly realized, what it was for.

"No she actually had to leave today, it was very urgent." After this little- situation, where he told the three boys about Milly’s plans, he never mentioned it again. And to be honest, he didn’t really want to talk about it with them in the first place. It was something, Milly should decide on whether the band should know about it. So, since then, he always made up excuses why Milly wasn’t there.

Turns out they need lots of groceries and Milly even has to do something for work when she’s actually on vacation… he felt bad to lie to his bandmates like that, but this was the easiest way.

"Well, about her birthday present…" Luke said, but couldn’t finish the sentence because the two got interrupted by the doorbell.

Maybe they could continue this talk after the others left again. He really hoped so. Milly’s birthday present was something he had planned for almost 3 months now, if anything goes wrong, he'd be very mad and disappointed about it.

Calum and Luke greeted the two other men at the door together and quickly got back into his music room.

When he and Milly changed rooms a year ago, Calum really put all his effort into this room and tried giving it a personal touch. Milly’s old office was one of the biggest rooms on the second floor in the house, so he knew right at the beginning, he wanted to include a little sofa so he and the guys could sit down together and have a chat. He painted the walls in his favorite color, olive green, which really gave the room a cosy aesthetic. Of course there was lots of technical stuff in the room, taking up lots of space: computers, recording equipment, microphones.

But the most important part, the heart of the room, were the instruments. Calum had 3 bass guitars, 2 normal guitars and a small drums kit for Ashton in the room. Whenever Calum didn’t want to talk to anyone and just needed some time to think, he just sat down here, in this room, and hummed a melody while playing a quiet song on the guitar, it relaxed him in an admittedly strange way.

The two awards they got for Youngblood and Sounds good, feels good hanging on the wall, always reminded him, HOW lucky he got. To find these amazing three people, to tour with One Direction, to get this incredible fans, but most importantly to meet Milly, most likely the love of his life, the person he’s gonna grow old with.

"Okay, so. Let’s start easy, which songs should definitely be a single, which songs should have a video?" Ashton asked. Their manager informed them, all the songs were already recorded, they just needed to know which songs will be the final album and they need to find the right strategy to release the music.

"I think Old Me is the right choice for a music video." Micheal said into the silent room.

Calum nodded. "Yeah, Old Me kind of deserves it, doesn’t it?" He said. The song represents our story as a band and what we’ve been through. It’s very special to all of us.

„Yeah, you’re right.“ ,Micheal mentioned, "But I don’t think it'd be a good idea making it a single, it’s too- slow for that."

The day went on like this. Talking, deciding, arguing, mocking Luke. Till all three of them (finally) left and he didn’t get a chance to talk about Milly’s birthday present with Luke.

Great.

Milly’s POV:

I parked my car in the same spot that, even though I now visited it the third time, still feels so strange to me. The fact that I already got so far in the search and will probably find out even more today, made me happy on one side, but the other side of me just was scared of what I would possibly find out today. What if its too much for me to handle?

I made my way to a door, the same door I had stood in front of when Calum called me and told me Louis was in the hospital. It seemed so far away, even though it was just three weeks ago.

My heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest when I reached out to the doorbell and rang it.

Then I waited.

And waited.

And then I heard steps in the house, walking towards the door.

When the door opened, I couldn’t see the person opening it, but heard a soft woman voice.

"Hello dear, can I help you?" She asked and opened the door further so I could finally see her. She was older, probably in her 70s or 80s, had short, grey hair and wore a thick pullover with white and dark blue stripes.

The warm smile on her face made me feel more relaxed.

"Well, I don’t know if you can help me, but… well.", I took a deep breath. What can possibly go wrong with being nice and asking?, "Do you know something about the last owners of this house?" I asked, hoping for a 'yes'.

The warm smile on the woman’s face slowly faded and turned into a confused and curious look. Oh no. Of course she didn’t knew them, could’ve been too easy.

"Well, why are you asking?" Wait, maybe she still met them.

"Long story…" I said, waiting for her to say whether she has enough time to listen to what I had to say.

"I’m just an old grandma, I have time." She responded, asking me to come inside.

———————————————

The couple, whose names were Lily and Evan Hudson, lived in a small and tiny house with vintage and sometimes old furniture. You could feel that very sweet people had lived her for many many years. The history in this house was undeniable.

Lily’s husband was as lovely as herself, they were literally made for each other.

All three of us sat down in the kitchen, Lily even gave me a cup of tea.

When I told them about my story, where I grew up, the first time I came to Australia, when I moved in with Calum and the things I already found out about my parents, I saw tiny tears shining in Lily’s eyes.

Surprisingly, it felt rather easy to tell complete strangers about me and my history. I wasn’t nervous at all and did not have to cry when explaining the sudden death of my mom. Maybe that are the effects of being a lawyer, you get better at talking about particular topics and issues.

When I finished, I got compassionate looks from both of them.

Lily was the first to break the silence. "Well, this is a very fascinating story, I must say." She looked at her husband, as if she wanted to convince him to say something to me.

"Umm… yeah. And now you came here to ask us for information?" He instead said, much to the disappointment of his wife. I nodded, they weren’t angry at me, were they? Let’s just hope not…

"And of course we'd love to help you, right Evan?" Lily gave her husband a threatening look. These two were really funny, the way they were messing with each other made me chuckle slightly. In my mind, I imagined Calum and me acting like this when we’re old and grey.

I have to admit, I think about our future together quite often. There was no doubt, I wanted to grow old with him. I wanted to have a beautiful wedding with all my friends and family. I often dreamed about an amazing proposal, with lots of rose petals and him kneeling down on one knee.

But this would most likely not happen, Calum was a romantic guy, but he was extremely shy and would probably never have enough courage to propose. I knew that.

But a girl can dream, right?

"It would mean so much to me if you could tell me anything about them." I said to the couple.

"Well, so what I can tell you, is that your parents were the most nice people you can ever imagine. Just like you!" Evan responded, smiling at me. And that caused my poor heart to make a little jump. They had been nice!

"They moved here because it was the only house they could afford at the time. Holly loved talking to others and had often friends over.", Lily said, smiling and giggling when she thought about it.," She was like a social butterfly! But your dad. Oh well, he didn’t feel comfortable. Everyone could tell." Lily laughed and Evan continued talking, still having a wide smile on his face. You could definitely see, these people really liked my parents.

"When they found out Holly was pregnant, they threw a little party in their garden behind the house. We were so happy for them, they’d be the perfect parents." All these little stories made me so happy and helped me feel more connected to them. It truly helped talking to this couple. With my search and with healing my inner child.

"But- if everyone was really happy for them… why did they gave me away?" I asked, a question that had been in my mind for the last few minutes, since they started talking about Holly's pregnancy.

Lily let out a sigh and compassionately touched my arm.

"They moved away before Holly gave birth to you, we did not knew they gave you away…and to be honest, we are truly surprised that the really did" She said, not knowing she just shattered my heart to pieces.

I was so sure, I'd find out everything today. But, of course it couldn’t be that easy.

"We did knew that they left a few pictures behind though. Arthur had a troubled past and wanted to close up with that chapter by leaving these pictures behind, he told me only one day before they moved." Evan added, giving me a little bit of hope that I could still find them. Somehow. Somewhere.

"But you have no idea to which place they moved, right?" I asked, already expecting a 'no', which I received in form from a head shake.

"I- I got one final question." Lily and Evan gave me an encouraging nod, giving me some extra strength. "Were they really loving me?" Somehow, my voice started breaking and tears formed in my eyes. This was a little too much for me after all.

Lily immediately stood up from her chair and embraced me and I let out a quiet sob. My heart felt like it crushed together by these many emotions that I felt at the same time. Confusion, Anger, Sadness and Hope.

When she let go, she looked at me closely and responded: "They did, don’t you worry." And then added something that gave me even more incentive to finally meet them. "You have your father’s eyes. It’s crazy, look Evan!"

When her husband took a closer look at me, he said the same thing. " it’s true, I always thought his eyes looked like an actual piece of chocolate, yours remind me of that too."

I slightly chuckled and thanked them for helping me so much. After all, I didn’t want to stay as long. They probably had so much other stuff to do.

Without me noticing, Evan stood up and when he came back he suddenly handed me a little piece of paper with a telephone number written on it.

"I can’t promise you anything, but Ms. Jackson had been a very close friend of Holly's. Maybe she knows where they are now and how you can meet them." He said.

What. The. Hell.

I could maybe meet them?! Oh my god.

Tears started forming in my eyes again and I quickly hugged Evan, much to his surprise actually. But I didn’t care about that.

I got a number from a friend. From an actual friend of theirs.

Even when I parked my car in front of my house, I still couldn’t believe it, that I was so close to my goal. My goal that I had for years and years.

Much to my surprise, I noticed Niall's car that he loaned at the airport when he cane to Australia. Him and Calum were most likely listening to their songs together and playing around like two middle school boys. Idiots.

But at least I could tell them about my truly exciting news together!

I opened the door in Milly-style-speed and quickly started searching for the two men and finally found them in Calum music room on the second floor.

I was right.

"Mills!" Niall exclaimed when I suddenly appeared in the door frame.

Calum got up from his little chair and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "How was it?" Strange, was it just me, or did he look quite scared? I'm probably just overthinking again, as always.

"Guess what, I got a telephone number of an old friend from my mom! She maybe still knows them!" I said, starting to jump and squealed at the end. It just was such exciting news!

Both of them joined in on my little happy dance and we spent the rest of the night, listening to Niall’s music together and eating pizza to celebrate my amazing day.

[valentineclown]

This was longer than I expected do if you're not looking to read anything long , skip it.

i honestly don't know what to do at this point. I'm gonna try not to leave anything out and if I realized I did I'll edit it.

But basically, I don't do my chores as often as I'm supposed to but it's also because I'm a big procrastinator and I begin to overthink the amount of things I have to do even if it's not the much. And it's really started to affect my relationship with my family because even when I do take the time to do the things I need to there's always something wrong with how I did it and I just feel like nothing I do is going to at least make them somewhat happy. Like ik my mom likes a clean house and when I do make the attempt to make the house look clean or neat, she automatically has to point out something I missed whether it be an unwashed pot that hadn't I gotten to yet or not sweeping and mopping. And that just really discourages me but anytime I try to bring it up I'm always labeled lazy which I can understand, in some situations with the dishes I can be lazy but being labeled as such 24/7 just hurts at this point. And I'm honestly tired of feeling like a just bum or whatever. Like just recently, I had joined the cheer team as a manager. And I knew there were going to be a lot of fun benefits too such as parties, competitions, and sleepovers at a hotel. And the coach just made it apparent to us that we'd be going on our first sleepover at a hotel after our Christmas break. I had brought it up to my father on our way back home then when my mother comes home he tells her and she says that I can't go. I wasn't personally involved in the conversation but I did overhear them talking about it and it kinda made me sad because like it's not just for me but a gift to the entirety of the team for Christmas and I basically can't accept that gift because I won't be able to go. And I've been wanting to get out of the house more but it seems like any time I do it's no because I didn't do something like a chore. That I can also understand because I didn't complete my chores but other than that, what else do you want me to do? Cuz even when I try to impress anyone it just never seems like enough. Like I can try to get better grades in math which is my weakest subject but no one cares.

And it's not just that, like I understand what they mean by I'm basically spoiled because I get so much of the stuff I want and I'm very grateful for it, I am. But downright being called selfish because I didn't do something right or calling me spoiled because I was disappointed by the fact I couldn't get a small piece of my hair bleached especially when I had asked you previously to do it and you said yes just when I was older, doesn't mean those things. I was just a little disappointed by it that was all but you had to make it into a bigger thing so now imma actually do something that you may not like but I have no other way of expressing myself to you and you may yell at me and I might begin to cry because I don't like when people yell at me. (ik it sounds like I'm being sensitive but that's just hoe I am) then we stop talking for a while, no one ever apologizes but me because apparently I'm the one that's wrong because I'm a child. Theres not much else I know to talk about so I may just l ave it at this and come back and add to it if I really need to. But this was something I really needed to get off my chest because it's just been eating away at me and it's hard for to ask my parents to get me a professional to talk to as we're currently on a tight budget.

[sunshinexlollipops]

hihi!! was just wondering if you ever plan on finishing ACW? its been ages since i first read it and i find myself coming back to it so often. love love love your writing, i've never felt so engrossed in a piece of fanfiction before!!!

hi anon!

thank you for all your support and love about ACW! even now it amazes me how people read this story and just cherish it as they do. ACW connected with people in a way my fics never did prior to it. one reason I love it so much!

well wishes to you anon, and thank you sm for your ask! 💕

but the short answer to your question: yes, 100% absolutely. I do plan to finish ACW. may take me a while, but imma do it.

but here is the longer answer:

I have... unfortunately a lot going on right now. my radio silence + pause on writing wasn't meant to be this long or even a thing aside from taking the time to write the final chapter entirely and prep it for uploading.

the idea was to upload the chapter in its parts day by day until completion, and intended to prevent you guys hanging in between crucial updates for long. unlike the previous method, where I uploaded 1 update at a time, as they were written. the final chapter has a lot of heavy hitting moments and huge plot events. some of these I didn't want to leave you guys sitting on for weeks in between the next update. also, I didn't want to kill the vibe and flow of the last chapter by doing it a piece at a time and the next update time be "TBD."

but due to the pandemic and compounding life/personal issues, I kinda crashed and burned since going on an unintentional hiatus. from mental health stuff and physical health stuff, I basically have been dealing with this since I quit my job in April of '21. which was a whole other situation altogether...some know but basically it was shit and it really messed with me.

I'm doing a SHIT TON better now and have gotten a good psych and therapist behind me. also new medications have helped for things like my OCD + ADHD, for example. it's not that I necessarily am against detailing some things to y'all, but... it's a LOT.

bc you know those memes about author's notes on fics? how they'll be like "hey sorry this may have typos, I nearly died from organ failure last week and I'm in the hospital recovering, so sorry if the quality is not up to my status quo!" ???

yeah. dat me.

but with a list so long idk where to start and how to explain everything to y'all. just know I've been going through it. and it's not to demand pity that I say that, but it's more so to offer some light as to why my break has been so long + why I've been almost MIA and not writing during it.

in general, I haven't written practically anything during this time. not trying to dismay you about ACW, bc that has NEVER left my mind, but more so I just haven't been able to connect back with writing. I disconnected from practically all my outlets (hurr hurr depression 🤪) and it hasn't been easy to reestablish it. doesn't mean I won't, or it's impossible. but it may take me some time to find that piece of me again.

currently, I'm about to try and start a specific therapy program that can help me, and I'm going to hopefully be getting assistance during this time too. this is an improvement considering I have been dead in the water for the last 2 years and change. so I hope the improvements continue, and with more direct help and support I can continue with betterment and hopefully get back to a lot that I lost.

so apologies for how long it's taken, just know I've been thinking about ACW right alongside y'all. I miss it like y'all do. and I hope I can send her out the way I want and need to. I also have some ideas/changes and I'm hoping I can also surprise y'all with these if I can make it work!

remember— HAVE FAITH. ;)

also, a bonus for you having read all that mess, a pic of my kitty's lil face. 💕

[honestandveiled]

Part I - Spinach Lasagne

The first thing I noticed about him was the tattoos on his fingers when he served me my spinach lasagne. Yum, I thought to myself referring to the fingers. I live right across the restaurant and I come here every evening and order the same thing but those fingers are new. I usually bring my papers in a binder to read while I eat and stay a little longer and watch people. I look up to see the fingers' owner, new guy. He's got these chiseled arms, dishelved curls and sheen of hardwork on his face. He looked distracted. I smile at him and thank him, trying to hide my perving. Oh God, its been so long since I've gotten laid. Im perving on random guys who are serving me food. Ever since I started my PhD program, I barely had time for anything else - which is also why I get my dinner at this place everyday - its cheap and delicious and I'm too busy to cook. 

He nods in acknowledgment with a slight smile. Bon appetit he says and leaves. Usually I never stay until the place closes because id like to give the staff their space while closing it up, today however, I wanna see him again, even if it's just briefly. I had my papers to keep me company. Unconsciously curling my hair with my fingers with one hand and using the other to fidget with my pen, I was deeply engrossed in my papers. I only looked up because I noticed a sound at the counter - there he was. There's nobody else around. It was closing time. I lost track of time, I apologize and try to organize my mess of papers and ready to get up. 

"Um-uh you can actually stay longer if you'd like? I mean-n, we are closed but ill be around to finish up some cleaning and stuff. you're welcome to stay."

"You sure?

"Yeah, you look like you're in the zone with your work and I won't be done for another 45 mins so you're fine until then."

 "Thank you, that's so considerate! But that's okay ill head home - I need some coffee anyway." I know they don't sell coffee and I feel bad for imposing without buying anything extra.

"I can make you some coffee. God knows I could use a coffee and cigarette before my cleaning" 

"Huh. I didnt realize you folks sold coffee"

"Oh we dont. But I can make you one"

"Aw, thanks! Can you let me pay for it at least?"

"Do you smoke?"

"Mhm" I nod, embarrassed of my infinite attempts at quitting. In fact I successfully quit before I started my phd only to pick it back up. 

"You can pay me in company when I'm done making the coffee" 

--- 

We are standing at the back of the building in the biting cold, with the coffee warming our fingers and cigarette smoke our faces. 

"I'm y/n btw."  I extend my hand.

"Carmy". He closes in. Those fingers again. 

"Im actually a regular" 

"Oh I know. Spinach lasagne. You know I have like 8 other things on the menu right?" 

"Haha what can I say? The chef in there knows what theyre doing.  Id marry them for the lasagne" 

He laughed. "No, im serious. This is most pleasure I've experienced carnally in literally 10 months. Thank your chef for me - the lasagne has been a sex replacement for a poor ol phd student." Ugh I'm so horny its showing. I should probably shut up.

He blushed, blowing smoke from his mouth. "The chef's probably super deprived himself and uses food as a replacement too"

"What if the chef is deriving his talent from deprivation". We are talking about sex (or the lack thereof) very nonchalantly and I need to get used to it but my vagina is screaming. 

"Or- or - or hear me out. What if he actually gets a real good fucking and and - " he pauses and laughs "actually i have nothing to add. I think he needs some fucking"

"Id fuck him" i say without thinking. Clearly we are not talking about the chef anymore

"Right now?" He asks coming tad bit closer. 

"Right now." 

He comes closer, kissing me desparetely, lifting my thigh to wrap it around him. I can feel him grow against me while he's thrusting into me. I pull his curls closer and moan. 

"Inside. Now"

We sloppily move through the kitchen dropping our clothes as we head to an office thats dimly lit and scattered with papers. He pushes some papers to clear some space and puts me on the desk. He tries to go down on me. I pull him by his curls stopping him.

"Um-uh im very hairy down there. Havent exactly planned for this"

"Even better" he replies and goes to town. I bite my lip, conscious of my moaning sounds

"I like it when you're loud. Tell me how much you want this"

"Oh please keep going, i want you so bad."

He's moaning while he's eating me. "That feels so good. Please keep going", I mumble between my moans. He is flicking his tongue on my clit so firm and hard that it almost kills me, then he digs his finger into me while sucking on my clit. 

"Tell me what you want" he demands.

"This is so good. Keep going". Im going feral!

"Tell me or ill stop" he says almost pulling out his finger".

I let out a small cry. "Fuck me with more fingers!"

"Tell me how"

"Harder!"

He adds one more finger and fucks me really hard and fast with them. 

"More?" He asks and before I could say anything, "of course you'd want more, don't you my poor ol desperate student?" He mocks.

"Tell me exactly how many" he asks using the same demanding voice

"All your fingers. Please"

"I knew it" he quickly changes his stance to fist me hard and lifts his head up close and sucks on tongue and biting my lip lightly. I hold him tightly by his hair while he's fisting the daylights out of me. "You're driving me crazy" I breathe into his mouth. He kisses harder

"Ready to be fucked?" He asks almost earnestly

"Not yet. My turn" I try to grab his cock

"We are fucking. Im going to go inside you and thats the way this works"

"Nope. You don't make all the rules here.'  I look at him sternly while I hold his cock tightly in my hand pulling him towards me. Touching his balls lightly while I hold his length hard. He holds my jaw tightly "You wanna play hard? I could do hard" he says and before he could do anything I push him back to the wall, get on my knees and put him in my mouth. 

He moans as I suck on his tip and squeeze his ass towards me, lightly touching between his cheeks. He stands there accepting temporary defeat. I look him in the eye and say. "Grab my hair and make me go at the speed you'd like"

He uses my mouth to fuck hard and fast as I make glucking noies. "Fuck. You're so hot." 

He pulls my head away from his and brings me to his lips. "I need to be inside you." He pauses before he says "please" 

I kiss him back while he puts me back on the counter. I put my legs over his shoulders but he holds them by the ankles and moves them above my head and fucks me like its his last. When he finally comes he lets out one last groan and drops his head into my chest and gives small kisses. I kiss him on his face, my legs shaking visibly. He laughs and rubs my thighs along the sides and kisses them  "sh sh calm down. You did so good" I laugh a little embarrassed by my legs. 

"Water?"

"Water." I reply 

"I'll be back" he comes back with a glass of water for both of us. He kisses me with his water filled mouth. Spitting into mine and slowly moves away while I quench my thirst.

He drops a mattress on the floor 

"You had a mattress all along?"

"Sorry yeah." He runs his fingers through the back of his head sheepishly. "Got carried away. Come lie beside me"

Our naked backs to the floor we look up while he plays with my long curly hair while I his tattooed fingers. 

"Whats your phd in?" He asks 

"Computer science. Specifically machine learning. Statistical modelling that kind of thing"

"Tell me more"

"Some other night. Tell me about your finger tattoos"

"I got them when i was in juvie. Don't mean much now. Some other night"

We lie in silence and slowly drift away to sleep.

 -- 

An alarm goes off around 4.30 am. 

"Fuck!shit! Im sorry arrghh" he curses while trying to shut it down. I make sleepy noises and see his face looking at me.

"Darling. Hey- hey mwah, darling. I've got to leave now. Okay? Got some errands to run". I nod trying to make sense of my surroundings. 

"Im really sorry but you probably should too. My crew is gonna come in a couple of hours." I stretch my body while he runs his fingers against me and kisses my stomach. 

"What errands at..."I look at the watch "..4.30 in the morning?"

"Gotta pick up produce for today. Need spinach for your lasagna" he smiles 

"What kind of chef makes his waiter get produce at 4 in the morning and clean up at the end of the day?" I ask while we are putting on clothes. I steal a last kiss on his bare back before he puts his shirt on. 

"The chef who is deprived, remember? Actually not anymore apparently"

"You're the chef?" I laugh thinking we are still joking "why were you waiting tables?" 

"Short staffed yesterday"

"You're being serious? Omg. I said stupid things about the chef, sorry"

"I did too. Don't be sorry. It's all true. Ill walk you home?"

"Yes please".