#also right shitty ass soda

[yonglixx]

Felix being amazing af and apologizing after drinking suck a cola (shitty ass soda anyway)

I know and I can tell it was bothering him bc he came back on bbl after almost an hour again like after saying gn already :( and I know they have a contract or something so the fact that he kinda did the opposite by apologizing :) im so proud of him but I hope they don't take away his live privileges like im sure hell be fine but I hope his live didn't end that way 🥺

[floral-hex]

woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

[gamblersdoll]

fwb, relationships, small angst, smut. long fic alert, not proof read, some fluff and some jokey jokes :p worked on this since 11 am.

katsuki bakugou didnt do the whole relationship thing. he felt like it was.. too intimate, too intense for him. a mere distraction for him and his career.

he thinks hes the only one who thinks that, seeing how shitty hair and pinky got together. the way that idiot and the emo chick were always together— fuck, chargebolt made her his whole life, which was fucking ridiculous.

he was more fond of the casual fucking, either going on tinder or hinge or whatever fucking apps there were. his account was booming though, several thousand of messages every five minutes. it annoyed him, shockingly.

“dude, can i get a fuckin’ minute of peace?” he barks out, silencing his phone and pinching his bridge.

“bro, you literally downloaded a dating slash fucking app, and you are the second pro hero.” kirishima reminded him, feet on the coffee table and swigging his soda. “get what you paid for.”

“get your fucking feet off’a my damn table, are you a caveman?”

he hated how kirishima was right, thinking he wouldnt get some kind of attention from an app when he was a hero, an attractive one at that.

so he deleted it, he’ll try going out more than possibly be stalked on a dating app.

he hated how every woman threw themselves at him when they saw him, he doesnt like that much attention. even in highschool, it overwhelms him. every girl in this damned bar was all over him.

well… excepting one. which so happened to be you, you just wanted to be left alone and drink to your hearts content. bakugou can clearly see that, and keeps an eye on your for a bit. later on though? oh he’s gotten loose enough to finally come up to you with ease.

“what’cha drinkin?” he asks, an arm supporting his weight on the bar table.. his cheeks were a slight pink, but he doesnt drink enough to make himself so tipsy or drunk.

“strawberry mimosa?” you chuckle, it literally says it on the can. “you must be blind or drunk to not be able to see that.”

an eyebrow of his quirks up, he’s intrigued. “i ain’t drunk, hon’.” he chuckles, “and do you even know who i am?”

“even if you are the ‘great explosion murder god, dynamight,’ yer off duty.” you snark back, hearing a baritone laugh come from his throat.

“and how would you know that?”

“well, pretty sure they wouldnt let you drink onna’ job.” you retort, turning to him now and crossing your legs. you hear a ‘yeah?’ and you nod.

“you sure, sweetheart?” he asks, taking another sip of his ‘oktober fest’. he sees you nod, and he hums. “how are you so sure?”

“pretty sure its common knowledge, but, common sense aint common no more.” you pull the final last word, dynamight nodding and tilting his drink to yours. you both clink your drinks together, holding the eye contact that he initiated.

the drive home was hell, the way he had struggled to keep his eyes on the road, your foot sliding across his lap and feeling him slowly get solid by the second.. you were a little vixen werent you? and to open the door without dropping you was more smooth than anything.

he practically ripped your clothes off, a nipple becoming his first victim and you arching into his mouth. he chuckled, youre so sensitive, arent you baby?

god, he hasnt had a good pussy in a long time.

his body molded into yours, kissing your neck and then lying you down and dragging his tongue down your supple skin until he got to your ankles, then back up to your nipples.

he never kissed your lips though, yet, he also didnt taste you.

the crack of the morning dawn showed its ass bright and early, your frame still within the bed and he was on the other side. interestingly, you both groan groggily and flutter your eyes open, head peering up and looking around.

lucky for you both, you werent hung over. you both peak over to each other.

one blink, two blinks, three blinks… bitch, say something!

“uh—“ you both say, redirecting your gazes and chuckling.

“you wanna go or me go?” he asks, watching you point to him and he nods. “did you like last night?” he asks, just a common courtesy to ask. he sometimes cared. it just depended on how you were in bed.

“i liked it,” you said, getting up and putting your panties on. “i did sleep with the second pro hero.”

he hums only.

“did you walk or drive to the bar?” he asks, pulling up ‘uber’ and looking to you. you mutter a ‘walk.’ and you give him the addresses to your house.

“you just randomly give out your address?” he asks, an eyebrow raised and hes hunched over.

“you just sleep with random people you dont know?”

he sucks his teeth, “you got such a mouth on you.” he taps on the confirmation button, “your uber will be here in thirty.”

“you seemed to love it last night, dynamight.” you glares at you for a second, you putting your dress back on and smirking. “but thank you, sir.”

sir?

you both make small talk, until the uber gets here and dynamight walks you to the car. he leans against the door frame, watching you strap in and take off.

katsuki bakugou wasnt a relationship type man. no, those were distracting and too intense for him. but yet, he invited you over again after exchanging numbers.

this was just casual sex, nothing more nothing less.

“you mean to fuckin tell me—“ he cuts himself off, pausing the show that you both were watching. “you ain’t never had your pussy eaten?”

“well.. no? thats bad?” you ask, taking a sip of the apple cider he brought from his fridge. “you cant get mad either, you haven’t either.”

“i had eaten something spicy, you want burnin’ pussy?” he retorts, taking a sip of water to cleanse his palette. “dont answer that, just lie the fuck back.” he shakes his head, softly pushing you back.

“sir, yes sir.” you joke, feeling his body weight hover over you and kiss your neck. you moan, feeling your shirt be pushed up and shorts be pulled down. he kisses your inner thigh, licking a long stripe up your bare clit— you pulling back for a second.

he peers up at you, heavy and lidded eye’s looking at you. “you good?” he asks, pausing all movement. you nod, feeling him hum and then slowly and softly kiss your clit again. you settle down, moaning his hero name, thats all you know him by.

“call me katsuki, hon’.” he mumbles in your pussy, spreading your lower lips apart and putting your clit in his mouth. he suckles on it like the sweetest candy he’s tasted, his cock starting to get harder by the second.

your breath is starting to hitch, a hand flying to his hair and gripping at the root. he grunts, eyes rolling back for a second and then hips bucking into the couch.

“fuck— mhm.. pull my shit, baby.” he groans, moving down your slit and putting your legs onto his shoulders. his tongue alone is making you clamp down on nothing, he can feel it.

your hips move on their own, grinding down against his lips and chin and he lets you use him, use him to make you feel good and cum on his face like no other. he takes pride in this, being the only one whos ever made you writhe in pleasure because of him.

“go ‘head, come on my face, mama.” and that only set you off, legs trying to close as your orgasm ripples through you in waves and he laughs, rubbing circles in your clit to add more to it. you try to close your legs, you try to push his hands away, only for him to swat at them. “aht aht, dont you fuckin’ go anywhere.”

you lie limp, feeling drained and youre trying to come down from your high and how good it feels to be devoured by him. “you said.. katsuki?” you whisper, and he finishes cleaning up the spit that dribbled down your cheeks and up your back.

“yeah.” he reiterated, pulling your shorts back up and patting your clothed cunt, watching you jerk.

katsuki bakugou wasnt into relationships, no, fuck that. he wasnt into the intense stuff and was damn sure not really intimate.

but yet, he finds himself liking the little things on social media, primarily tiktok. he hates the way people look so happy within relationships, some of them even being heros in different countries or even just here. but, he hates the way it gives him ideas, and brings a smile to his face.

ping!

he looks back at your messages, a small smile on his face and he feels his heart race—

the fuck was his heart racing for?

“do you want to go out for dinner tonight?” he replies back, feeling a pang in his chest, but it wasnt out of fear or anything. he watches the three bubbles pop up, and your response is all he wanted to read.

‘sure, surprise me.’

and he does, taking you to a michelin starred restaurant and making you order the most expensive thing. because he would feel bad if he only order the most expensive things, right?

“do you like it?” he asks, cutting into the steak that he ordered and watching you eat your food.

“yeah, i do. i just sometimes eat slow.” you reply, him nodding and then tapping his foot. “do you mind if i take it home?”

“… why would i be mad if you took food home, stupid?” he asks, like you just asked him if he claps with shitty hands.

“just askin..” you say, watching him wave over the waiter and ask for a box and the check. “we can split the bill if you want.”

he darts his eyes back to you, scrunching his face up and giving you a once over.

“what?”

“split the bill?” he asks, making sure he heard you right. you nod, and he nods with you. “give me yo fuckin’ wallet.”

“because i asked if you want to split the—?”

“did i speak japanese? give me your damn wallet.” he snarks back, snatching your wallet from your fingers and putting his metal card on the check book. “some damn split the bill.”

“well sorry..” you mumble, putting the left over food in the box.

“you can tell me how sorry you are later when we get home.” he suggests, an eyebrow raised at you and a smirk. “you can choose how much to tip.”

“deal.”

both of you could barely get up the stairs, him slamming you against the walls of the corridor that lead to upstairs, but hes already on his knees and shoving your panties to the side, spitting and licking on your pussy.

“wrap this around— yeah, good job.” he praises, holding you up by your legs and thrusting into your soppy walls. “fuck, yer tight tonight.”

your fingers pull at the root of his hair, open mouth moaning against his neck and kissing at it. you feel his groans reverberate in your body. “katsukiiii..” you moan, biting your lip.

“yeah, yeah, yeah, there ya’ goo..” he strews out praises, pressing his head against yours and kissing your neck back. “make me proud, thats it.”

“gunna cum.. gonna cum, kats—“ you say, feeling you clamp and feeling your walls contract against his walls of the house. he grunts, spilling his seed within the condom and growls in your neck.

“hey.. katsuki?” you asked, lying next to him in his bed. he opens his eyes, looking down to you.. “can i ask you something?”

“ask away.” he says, patting your rear and focusing in on you.

“why dont you ever kiss me?” you ask, he furrows his eyebrows, leaning up a bit.

“i do kiss you?” he retorts, something that he doesnt understand. the fuck were you talking about? he kisses you.. he kisses your neck, your head, your fucking pussy for crying out loud.

“yeah, everywhere but my lips.” you reject, sitting up and watching his movements.

he tilts his head for a bit, clicking his tongue. “thats just too intense and intimate for me. and, quite frankly, im not into it.” he admits, then he watches you frown. “what you frowin’ for?”

“we are literally laying in the bed, in nothing but boxers and a shirt and panties.” you remind him of your situation, the fuck did he mean it was ‘too intimate?’ “how can this not be intimate, but a kiss is?”

“this..” he circles to you and himself, “this is just casual fucking.” he tries to remind you, but he starts to grow agitated when you get up and start clothing yourself. “the fuck you doin?”

“this is just casual? but yet you took me on a fucking date.” you say, growing agitated and frustrated yourself.

“that was dinner, not a date.” hes starting to get annoyed, thats why he didnt do this shit often. “i am in no fucking bounds to you, youre not fucking special.” he says, running his fingers through his hair and breathing through his nose.

you stare at him, putting your shoes on and then grabbing your purse. “youre right, im sorry.” you say, grabbing your phone as well and then looking back to katsuki. “ill see you later, ‘kay?”

he stays quiet, getting up to open the door for you and then closing it behind. “for fucking christs sakes..”

he goes back to the king sized bed, closing his eyes and turning the television off. this night already went to shit, and he just wanted to sleep it off.

he wakes up the next day, he’s got another two hours before he goes into patrol. he figured he could just text you to come over, its a new day and apologize, have you stay for a couple hours until he came home and fix something.

“hey, you wanna come over and talk about it?” he typed, sending it to you and waiting for your reply.

twenty minutes had past, its weird. usually youd be up by this hour, but eventually you did respond a thumbs up, and he tided up the living room and waits on you.

“hey.” he gruffly says, letting you in and closing the door behind you. he smells something strong. “did you use incense or some shit?”

“no, its body spray.” you say, plopping on the couch and he smells it again, then it wakes him up even more.

“you wanna try again?” he asks, folding his arms and holding his scowl. “did you just come from someone else’s house?”

you stay quiet, staring at him. the fuck did he want from you?

“you fucked another guy?” he asked again, caging you in and staring into you. “because im not in the fucking mood for these fucking games.”

“am i not allowed to?” you ask, getting to his level as well and then matching his scowl. “im in no fucking bounds to you.”

“so you want to be fucking petty, thats what the fuck this is?”

“to the fuckin’ t.” you respond, grabbing your things and shoving past him. he grabs your arm, pulling you back and staring into your soul.

“who the fuck was it?”

“none of your fucking business, i didnt ask you about the bitches you be fucking that’s not me.” you retort, but it only deepens his scowl, into a face filled with venom.

“i dont be fuckin other bitches.” he growls, then scoffs when you laugh softly. “the fuck is funny?”

“you dont be fuckin other girls?”

“why the fuck would i?” he asks, putting his hands in the air in confusion. “you think i just spread my legs to anyone and everything?”

“wow, i must be so special to know and have that.” you snarkily say, walking to the door.

he groans in agitation and yells. “bitch, fuck you!”

“fuck you, too bitch!” you shout back as he makes his way to you and you slam the door behind you.

the fuck were you both even arguing for?

bakugou wasnt the same after that, he was more stressed at work, feeling the after effects of the argument and not hearing from you in weeks. its shown in the way he fights the villains on the job, a tad bit— no, alot more aggressively than usual.

and he wasn’t going out anymore, just work, gym, then home. he wasnt in the mood, he felt… alone, depressed, like he was missing something.

he had everything that hes had, so what could possibly be fucking missing?

he scrolls on his timeline, seeing that you posted another story at work. he felt his heart pang, a knee bouncing, and like he wanted to reach out.

was he seriously missing you right now?

he sucks his teeth, his head dropping and he’s feeling like such a fucking idiot. he felt it, like he couldnt go a couple of days without you. he needed relief, a certain one.

you both meet up at the bar, the same very place you met and then flirted hard. he watches you sit down, a new dress, huh?

you looked so damn gorgeous, it genuinely pissed him off.

“what do you want?” you ask, telling the bartender for a strawberry mimosa, your usual.

“i..” he tries to say, he hasnt done the whole ‘im sorry’ thing since highschool. “i was wrong.” he admits, staring back at you and watching your face. “was wrong fer callin’ you a bitch, and saying you werent special. and fer gettin’ mad that you slept with someone else.”

“hm.” you hum, tapping your foot and holding your drink. “ill let you in on a secret through the grape vine.” you say, watching him raise a single eyebrow.

“i didnt sleep with some other dude, it was your old cologne.” you say, watching his face contort into confusion. “you showed me an old cologne you used to wear when you were scrolling on tiktok with me. you were half asleep though.”

it all finally clicks when he remembers, and he rubs his face in pure embarrassment and anger. “im going to fucking kill you, bitch.” he says, not truly angry, but embarrassed.

you laugh, and his chest feels less tight. “im sorry for doing that, just tried to show you that what you said wasnt cool.”

“i respect that.” he says, drinking his moonshine.

“thats such a bitch drink..” you watch him swig, and he growls.

“says the one drinking a gotdamn mimosa.” he retorts, and you both finally have a good laugh after about thirteen minutes in.

he feels good, better.

katsuki bakugou wasnt the relationship guy, its too much for him.

but with the way he has you laying ontop of him, a discarded used condom in the trash bin next to his bed. he liked where he was at, the way the sun shined on your face and skin.. he pondered at the earliest hours of the morning. he didnt have to work today, that was good for him since he had you to spend time with. might even a plan a date for you tonight—

a date? the fuck?

he feels himself inclined to you, watching tiktok on the lowest volume so you dont awaken. he keeps seeing these couple tiktoks, watching how they go from tinder, to being married and shit.

could.. could that happen to you? he feels sick, like he was getting clammy and his heart pounded, a imaginative feeling that he finally proposes to you, gives you a couple brats that run around the house he just bought—

…aw fuck no.

“which dress fits me more?” you rummage through the hangers of dresses in the store, he only watches you and picks one out in particular. a split thigh dress with sleeves, since it was about to be fall. “oh, so you want my ass to fall out?”

“your ass aint going to fall out.” he chuckles, pulling it and putting it against you. “youd look good though.”

“would i really?”

he tilts your head up to his, looking into your eyes instead of your soul this time. “always.” he watches you get heated in the face, pulling away out of flustering and scramble to the next aisle.

once you finally start to check out everything, which was just a mere dress that he suggested and some more shirts, you pull your wallet out, just for him to slap it out of your grasps.

“the fuck?!” you say, picking it up and the cashier was already inserting his card.

“told you that when youre with me, i pay.” he reminds, taking the receipt and bag and then holding the door for you.

“did you have to slap my wallet out my hand, though? couldve been robbed!” you say, putting it back in your purse and grumbling.

“anyone trying to rob you infront of me is just stupid.”

“i guess..”

eventually when you got home, katsuki put the goods down onto the couch and then headed to the kitchen, cranking up the flames on his stove. “oh em gee, youre going to cook for me?”

“why did you say it like that, you dumbass?” he turns to you, a confused but laughing face. “yes, im cooking. you need to stop eating out as much.”

“i eat out maybe twice a week.” you say, and he purses his lips. “what? you saying im big?”

“i did not say that.” he growls, tossing the pan and sautéing the veggies. “what?” he asks, seeing your concerned face.

“you have no care for your pans or pots..” you say, watching his shrug and mock you. “on tonight’s episode of hells kitchen..”

“gordon ramsey wouldnt last thirty minutes with me.” he comments, shaking his head and sighing. “im the best cook.”

“no objections.”

and he was, making you a chicken bowl with rice, sautéed vegetables and toasted brioche bread. “thank you, katsu.” you say, the nickname rolling off of your tongue and you didn’t really think of it, but kissing his cheek.

he freezes, staring at you and an eye twitches.

“…what? did i have to brush my teeth after every meal too?”

“katsukii katsuki katsuki!” you moan out, legs pressed to your ears as he pounded away into your cervix. he growls into your ear and pulls you back up, flipping you onto your stomach and wrapping his arm around your throat, holding you in a headlock.

he groans, drilling his cock into your gummy spot that made you see stars like no other. this was more rougher, deeper, and fast paced than any other of your fucks. this one felt.. different.

all because of a fucking kiss on the cheek.

“katsuki!” you squealed strained, eyes rolling back and gritting your teeth trying to endure his cock inside of your fluttering walls.

“fuckin cum, beg me to let you cum.” he growls with venom, and desperation runs him completely now. he hears you, crying out his name and then fucking him back. “fucking god—hah!”

you cream along his shaft, his cock starting to twitch and he drags you up again, putting you back into missionary to slip away into your spasming cunt to just still inside and keep going.

“k-katsuki what are you?—“ he cuts you off by crashing his lips onto yours, a pang into your chest and arms wrap around his neck to pull him closer. he groans in the kiss, stopping his hips.

he pulls away, looking down to you with a narrowed gaze. “what?” you ask, his face getting a little bit softer.

“i dont want to just casually fuck with you anymore.” he says, getting closer to you. “think… think im in love with you.”

“..so.. because i have sex with you, youre in love with me?” you ask, his face dropping and he flicks your head. “ow— fucker!”

“no, stupid..” he says, “i like the moments we dont fuck. like dinner dates and the.. domestic shit i guess.” he says, biting his lip.

“so you admit that they were dates?” you snicker, and he chuckles in defeat.

“whatever you wanna call them, baby.” he says, but puts a hand on your cheek and. “i love you.”

you try to take it serious, but one factor. “can you tell me this without your cock being in me?” you ask, he shakes his head and pulls his hips back, allowing you to sit up.

“love you.” he says, his heart beating out of his ass.. or so it feels like it.

“i love you too, dummy.”

“now you fuckin ruined my moment.”

[winstonsns]

could you do a gang(separate) with reader who’s like a transfer student or smth and dosent speak English fluently? They could like help her or smth idkkkkk but yeah🎀💕

the gang with transfer student!reader (request)

authors note: my throat fucking hurts. sorry this is short, i hope you enjoy 💗

includes ponyboy, johnny, soda, darry, dally, two-bit and steve

word count: 1.4k

warnings: cussing, dally’s a bit of a dick

PONYBOY CURTIS

ponyboy’s top of his classes so he knows a lot, especially in english

because the two of you go to the same school, you guys have a lot more time together

he’ll always help you feel ready for a presentation and makes sure all your words are spelled correctly and you pronounce them right

same with when you’re called on to read, if you can’t pronounce a word then he’ll whisper in your ear and tell you, the both of you normally sit together

sometimes you’ll go over to his house or he’ll go over to yours, he assists you by studying with you

once he went over to your house, you had a vanity in your room but didn’t know what it was called, he asked you, “well what’s something that reminds you of it? of the vanity?”

you replied, “um… sticky notes because i have them on my mirror?” so he told you to connect the words ‘sticky notes’ so you could remember the word ‘vanity’

he’ll also read to you so you can learn more words and pronunciations, you also become entertained while you’re learning so it’s nice for the both of you

JOHNNY CADE

sometimes johnny goes to school with you so the both of you can learn together

he has a lot of patience so learning with him is easy, he’d make up around five words for you to pronounce and know the definition of every day

the two of you would review those words too, and because you were learning a whole new language, he decided to learn a new language too, yours

he knew what it was like to get frustrated over not being able to understand something, so the both of you taught one another your languages

you or johnny would point at a random object and the other would say it in both languages, it was a fun way to learn since it wasn’t one sided

when the two of you could have full on conversations in one another’s languages, the both of you were ecstatic

johnny even taught pony and the gang some words from your native language because he thought it was cool

SODAPOP CURTIS

man, you guys are learning english together because soda doesn’t really have a super wide vocabulary, he wasn’t that good in school

but he’ll teach you the basic words and their meanings, clothings, paintings, items, etc

he thinks it’s so attractive when you speak your native language or talk to him that way, he’ll get all blushy and smiley

his patience is actually pretty high and he’ll make you feel better if you feel bad about not knowing english that well

it doesn’t cause much of a problem in your guys relationship, it probably brings you two closer if anything

he loves it when you come to him to ask about words or what something’s called if it has certain characteristics

since you’re in school and he’s not, if you have to write an essay or presentation, he’ll give you synonyms so you won’t repeat the same words over and over

lord knows he got shitty grades because he used the same two words throughout his essay when describing something

DARRY CURTIS

he stays really patient with you because you can always learn more english, it’s not a one time thing when if you mess a word up then its messed up forever

so he helps you, since he was really smart and was good in school, he knew a very large range of vocabulary

you could ask him about a word and he’d immediately know the definition, sometimes asking you “verb or noun?” because he just knew so much

since he’s an old ass man he’ll show you magazines and newspapers, sometimes pointing to a random word, in which you tell him what it means, basically like a memory game

he teaches you a lot about grammar since most people don’t know how to use it correctly, he also teaches you how to use the correct ‘write, right’ ‘knight, night,’ ‘where, wear’ ‘here, hear’ ‘there, their, they’re’ basically homophones

darry really just wants you to have the best in life so he’ll teach you the most

DALLAS WINSTON

if we’re being realistic here, dally would bully the shit out of you

he is honest as hell and will not feel shameful or bad that he’s being rude to you for not understanding english as well as him

but he helps you learn new words and phrases, sometimes teasing you about it and giving you the wrong answers

he later tells you the truth though if you embarrass yourself by using it wrong

“dal… um, i heard some people talking about ‘left handed?’ what does that mean?” you would ask, him replying with, “means you only use your left hand, like your other is paralyzed or broken.”

sometimes he’ll randomly ask you, “what’s that?” and point at something, basically quizzing you so you can remember what is what

dally also helps you pronounce words, when you came home from school one day, you asked him how to say “pacific ocean” because all the c’s were pronounced differently, you were rightfully confused

however, if anyone else makes fun of you, he’ll get all pissed off at them and beat the shit out of them

if you start feeling guilty for not knowing words after he makes fun of you a bit, he’ll try not to as much and will focus more on teaching you words

he won’t love you any less if you struggle with english, he loves hearing you talk in your native language

you even teach him some words and phrases in your language, he complains, “that’s too hard to learn, doll, how many languages do you know?”

little do you know he’s actually impressed and would speak your language every day if he understood as well as you did

TWO-BIT MATTHEWS

two-bit is actually very sweet about you not knowing english as well as him

sometimes, he’ll help you by watching television with you, whether it’s a movie or a series

he’s occasionally a little mean about it, laughing when you say something wrong, he corrects you after though

he’s lazy as hell though so you don’t learn much from him, but if you teach him about your language then he’ll pay attention

if you’re doing a presentation of some sort soon for school, he’ll make flash cards before and help you remember how to pronounce words and what they mean

also when in public, if both of you are in a restaurant or getting fast food, he’ll help you order what you want while you know of what the ingredients are

because he is helping you learn english, it doesn’t cause much of a problem in your relationship

also, you know that trend where it’s like ‘telling the transfer student that scooby doo is a bad word and to yell it’ that’s you guys

STEVE RANDLE

steve’s actually pretty smart so he gave you detailed descriptions of what some words meant

so when you asked what a dresser was when you were just learning, instead of pointing at it and leaving it be, he told you, “basically furniture with a lot of drawers that holds mostly clothes, it can hold other things too though.”

he also tells you more than you need to know, he talks to you about cars and all its parts even though you don’t know what they are

so he explains to you what they are and how they work, what they do and where they are in the car

steve really enjoys learning about how things work, so he’ll tell you about that too when you ask about a word or its pronunciation

also teaches you about metaphors and all that stuff, if you’re not good with sarcasm then he’ll help you know when someone is or is not being sarcastic

he also tells you that there’s a ‘shit ton of stupid rules in the english language’ and things are ‘weirdly fucking hard to pronounce’ so it’s fine to not get words right the first time

authors note: happy father’s day 🎀

[vinylfoxbooks]

July 18 - Burnt | @jartylusmicrofics | wc: 747

It’s Friday, which means that they get the weekend with their boys -- especially because Regulus doesn’t have work unless he gets called in -- and it’s movie night. So James gets to cook for them and they’ll sit down and eat on the couch while they’re watching shitty romcoms that Regulus pretends to hate but actually loves. To make it even better, Regulus didn’t have to work today and Barty always has Fridays off so no one is going to be tired. 

Needless to say, James is thrilled to get home. 

When they get to the flat they share with Regulus and Barty, they’re quick to enter and throw their things to the side -- ultimately knowing that Regulus was going to chew their ass out about it later -- and head into the house, only to stop when something smells… burnt?

“My loves?” James calls out, “Is everything okay in here? Please tell me that you’re still alive.” 

“We’re in the kitchen, Jamie.” Regulus calls back, though he doesn’t sound quite… right. James makes quick work of getting to the kitchen, where both of their boyfriends are standing over a pan of bread that’s a little too brown on the outside.

“What happened here?” They ask, smiling. The older walks over to both of their boyfriends, pulling them into brief kisses.

“We tried to bake for you.” Barty says, looking weirdly proud for the fact that he’s currently standing over his creation. The thing he tried to make for James, but… burnt.

“And how did that go?” James smiles wider, not even trying to hide their mirth.

Regulus rolls his eyes, “We figured that it would be easiest for us to bake something like bread. I trusted Barty with keeping the timer and apparently he didn’t start one. I didn’t realize because I had trust in him, only to smell burning. I’m also pretty sure Barty used baking soda instead of baking powder.”

James laughs, “Well, I doubt the blame is entirely on him. But that’s… better than I was expecting.”

Barty scoffs, “And what does that mean?”

“It means,” James starts, sending Barty a look, “That neither of you are any good in a kitchen because you both grew up in households with butlers and chefs to do it for you. The nice thing about bread,” they smile, pulling the bread out of the pan with experienced hands and grabbing a bread knife, cutting into it. Once the heel has fallen, it reveals bread with a surprisingly good crumb. They cut off another piece and cut the burnt edges from it before handing a small piece to each of their boyfriends, “Is that, it really is hard to fuck up that badly. Usually if you burn the outside just a bit, the inside is still pretty good.” They take a bite and hum, “This isn’t actually that bad, especially for you guys’ first time baking. Could do with some jam, but that’s my own fault.”

“You’ve got the jam that your mum made for us.” Regulus hums.

James nods, “Yeah, but I don’t want any more bread for now. I must make room for the delicious meal that I have in mind. Which, if you want me to cook, then you two will help me clean the kitchen and leave me to be.” Regulus laughs but starts cleaning up, Barty pouts about it until James presses yet another kiss to his lips and pushes him towards one of the counters.

When the kitchen is cleaned up, the boys don’t leave the kitchen, instead Regulus sits on the counter in an area that he won’t be in the way -- wasn’t the first time that this has happened within their relationship and time living together -- while Barty pulls a chair so he can just sit at the very edge of their kitchen, smacking James’ ass on the way out and laughing at their yelp. 

“Was that necessary?” They ask, watching him drag a chair along the floor, probably leaving scuff marks.

Barty cackles, “What? You’ve got a nice ass, it’s basically begging to be smacked. Gotta treat you right, my love.” James rolls their eyes but gets to work making the pasta dish that Regulus was craving the other day, everyone serving up when they’re finished with it. 

All three of them sit down on their couch and turn on The Proposal, cuddling up together and Regulus having to constantly stop Barty from pelting the both of them with pasta.

[jaemmphilia]

★ 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘴 ★ || b.c

★ summary: yn comes home from work to a pretty jarring surprise from his boyfriend.

★ pairing: bang chan x male!reader, lee know x han, bang chan x lee know

★ warnings and rating: this story will have triggering themes such as cheating, panic attacks, smoking (the reader is a smoker in the process of quitting), and strong language. reader discretion is advised (16+), also the reader isn't a baby-back bitch so he's not gonna forgive chan easily (he's not gonna forgive him at all tbh), mentions of abusive family (reader)

★ word count: 2.1k (2146)

★ binnie's thoughts: i'm so sorry (no i'm not lol)

★ requested?: yes, requested by @arcenass

★ disclaimer: this fic in absolutely NO WAY represents bang chan and the other stray kids members as people. this is just a work of fiction, please enjoy.

© triplejracha, 2023. please do not copy to any other platform.

You had a really shitty day at work. You were only two minutes late, yet your boss decided that two minutes was equal to an entire hour, and he ripped into your ass about it in front of everyone. With slightly teary eyes and your head hung low in embarrassment, you went straight to work. Once it was lunch time, you realized that you left your lunch on the counter at home. You called your boyfriend, Chan, but he never answered. You thought it was a little out of character for him, he always answers your calls. Even if he’s working hard in the studio, he always answers. It was weird because he has the day off today. 

You were forced to eat a small bag of chips from the vending machine, paired with a flat soda. The rest of your work day left you hungry, your hands becoming shaky. Your shaky hands led to you messing up the code for the app your team was working on. Your team leader had scolded you, and your boss just so happened to overhear, and he sent you home early. 

You’re sitting in your car, your head laid on the steering wheel. Your hand makes its way to the sunglasses holder above you. You press the bottom and pull out a pack of cigarettes and your lighter. You know you shouldn’t do it, but today has been one of the worst in a long time. Just one won’t hurt right? You had been doing such a good job at not giving in to the temptation of smoking, but after so many bad days and degrading words from your boss, you’ve had enough. You started smoking at a young age, your trashy family pressuring you into it. You refused many times, but they promised that they would buy you toys if you did it. Being naive and toy-driven, you did it. 

Ever since then, you did anything to get your hands on some cigarettes. You did gross favors for people, not really caring as long as you got the cigs. When you got older, you tried vaping, but ultimately didn’t like it. You favored the hard edge of a cigarette. Chan has been you rock during your quitting journey, making sure you don’t get triggered into wanting a cigarette. He was patient during your withdrawal, his arms wrapped tightly around your shaking frame as he rocked you from side to side. 

You scoff and light the cigarette, and you take a long drag. The smoke burns in your throat and lungs, and the taste is awful. But you already feel a little better. Breathing out, you crack your window to tap off the ashes. You toss the cigarette out after smoking half of it. You start your car and make your way home, just wanting to fall into the muscular arms of your boyfriend, Chan. He has the day off, and he has no idea that you were off work early. Maybe you should pick up some food for the two of you. You’re still very hungry, and you could kill for some pizza and spicy wings right about now. You also need to get the bitter taste of cigarettes out of your mouth. 

You quickly put in the order while driving (don’t ever do this), and you pick it up before making your way home. You live with Chan in a small house, it has two bedrooms and a library-office space. It has two bathrooms, and a nice sized backyard. You have so many plans for the backyard. You want it to be a comfortable space for family and friends whenever they come over. 

You smile as you think about getting a dog with Chan. You get your keys out of your pocket and you unlock the door as you greet your neighbor, Jisung, with a wave. You don’t really know either Jisung nor his partner, Minho, very well, but you do know that they’re nice people. They had brought over some sweets as a “welcome to the neighborhood” gift. 

You make your way into the small foyer of the house, kicking off your shoes. You happen to miss the unfamiliar pair of white shoes that sit next to Chan’s old and ratty pair of Converse. You make your way to the kitchen and place the pizza and wings on the counter. You assume Chan is down the hall in the office that he converted to a production studio, because he’s not in the living room watching his favorite cooking show. 

You walk down the hall, stopping in front of the door. You don’t knock, simply twisting the knob and pushing the door open. You don’t know why, but you have a sick feeling in your stomach. You blame it on the cigarette, but you quickly realize that it was not the cigarette. 

What you see when you walk in makes your entire body freeze, your jaw dropping open. Chan is in his swivel chair, but there’s someone on top of him, his chest bare as he bounces up and down on your boyfriend. The room feels humid, very likely from the two people engaging in such an intimate moment in your house that you help pay bills for. The small room smells musty, the smell of sweat and cologne creeping up your nostrils and making you sick. 

You feel your entire world shatter right in front of you, your heart feels like it isn’t beating, and you honestly forget how to breathe. You can’t move, your limbs have lost any kind of mobility as you stare at the scene in front of you. 

Chan panics as he realizes he’s been caught. He carefully pushes Minho off of his lap as he pulls on his once discarded boxers. He prepares to spill his desperate apologies as he slips on his shirt. Minho frantically gets dressed and rushes out before things get nasty. 

You feel tears falling down your cheeks, and you mentally scold yourself for acting like a baby. I mean, you did just get cheated on, but you’re stronger than that. You begin to glare, your gaze falling on Chan who has his mouth open ready to make excuses.

You stop him before he can even say anything, “How long?” you spit out, your teeth gritted. Chan is taken aback. He’s never heard you sound like this before. 

You were normally soft-spoken, not liking to raise your voice in fear of scaring someone. It also had to do with the abuse you grew up with, choosing to stay quiet. 

Chan doesn’t have it in him to lie to you. So he simply tells you the truth. “The first day we moved in..” He says quietly, fiddling with the silver rings on his fingers. 

Your jaw drops as you start yelling at him. “What the fuck, Chan! We’ve lived here for almost two fucking years!” you shout, your loud voice echoing off the walls. 

“Look, baby–” he starts but you cut him off with a sharp “aht!” that makes him snap his mouth shut with wide eyes. He’s losing you and he doesn’t know how to fix this. 

“Don’t you “baby” me, Christopher. I don’t want to hear whatever bullshit that plans to come out of your mouth.” You turn on your heels and walk straight to your shared bedroom. You throw open the closet and start pulling out some of your clothes. You hear footsteps behind you and you ignore them, stuffing the clothes into a duffel bag. 

“YN, just listen to me! We can fix this! We can fix us!” You hear him say from behind you, his voice loud and desperate. You can’t believe this man has the gall to even speak after he admitted to cheating for nearly two years.

You bark out a bitter laugh at his words. “Fix us? I had no idea there was anything wrong to begin with!” you shout, zipping up the duffel bag and making your way back to the front door. 

Chan follows you, and he knows you’re right. There’s nothing wrong with your relationship. He honestly doesn’t know why he’s been cheating. Maybe it’s the thrill of it all and the possibility of getting caught, he doesn’t know. 

What he does know though, is that he just lost the most important person in his life because of his stupid, horny actions. He doesn’t have anything to say at this point, and he wishes he did. You’re slipping through his fingers, and he can’t say anything to keep you from falling. 

You’re standing at the door, keys in hand, and you’re glaring at him with so much hate. “Do you have anything to say before I walk out and we never talk again?” 

“I love you, and I’m sorry.” Chan says, his eyes filling with tears. It breaks your heart, but you refuse to give in to people who hurt you. Not again. 

You just laugh and shake your head, your hair swaying with the movement. “I doubt that. You’re sorry that I caught you. And if you loved me, you wouldn’t sleep with the fucking neighbor.” You say, rolling your eyes. Your skin is itching to smoke, but that can wait. “I’ll be back for the rest of my stuff. You better not be here or I might actually kill you.” 

And with that, you were gone. Gone from Chan’s life, from the home you both built together. All because he went and cheated.

Once you get into your car, you let out all your frustrations. You screamed so loud, banging your fists on your poor steering wheel. You scream and cry until your throat burns, tears streaming down your cheeks. You were surprised that you held it in for so long, when all you wanted to do was cry. 

This moment brings you back to your childhood, when your mother cheated on your father. Her infidelity led him down a path of drinking and drugs. Which also led to him taking his frustrations out on seven year old you. 

You shudder as you think back to your dad’s abusive behavior. You are so lost in your head that you don’t notice Jisung knocking on the window of your car. You look up from your steering wheel, turning your head to look at the male standing there. You hate that he has to see you like this, but you feel bad for him because he probably has no idea that his partner is cheating on him. 

You roll your window down, noticing the deep frown on his adorable face. “Is everything okay? You look really sad.” He says, taking in your tear-stained cheeks, and distressed form. 

You give him a sad smile and nod. “Yeah, I just received some pretty bad news,” you say, and you decide to be a good person and let Jisung know about his partner, “Jisung, can I tell you something?” 

“Sure, YN. What is it?” He asks, giving you his full attention. 

“You might not believe me, but I think it’s important that you know. I just caught my boyfriend of five years cheating on me in our shared home with your boyfriend, Minho.” You say to him, and you take in his expression. He looks upset, clearly believing every word you say. 

Why shouldn’t he believe you? You barely know each other, so why would you pretend to cry and break down in your car for a lie? He had his suspicions about Minho sneaking around, he just didn’t expect it to be with his neighbor. 

“It’s okay. I believe you, I’m sorry you had to go through that.” He says, tears gathering in his eyes as he tries to hold it together in front of you. 

“Get in, we’re going to a bar and getting wasted together.” You say to him, watching his pretty brown eyes go wide. 

“But it's the middle of the day! Isn’t that a little weird?” He asks, but still makes his way over to the passengers side of your car. 

“Who cares? We both just got cheated on and we need an outlet. My usual outlet is smoking, but I would rather get drunk.” You explain, pulling out of the driveway of your house, speeding down the street with your newfound friend. Who would have thought that getting cheated on would lead to a new blossoming friendship? You and Jisung certainly did not. 

The two of you swore off men for a while and ended up moving in together. You miss Chan, of course, but after a while, all that’s left is resentment for the man. You have Jisung to keep you distracted from any lingering thoughts or temptations to send him a message. You continue to smoke, all the progress you made completely flying out the window. It’s unfortunate, but hey, that’s life.

[ddlcbrainrot]

re: Monika Bad Person Something I think about alot with Monika is how, fundementally, she is a good person but good people are capable of being bad, as we see in base game. I do think though that Side stories shows us where are actions from base game came from, that they werent from nowhere but rather its her natural flaws taken to their extreme in an extreme situation. Like one of the biggest flaws about Monika is her need for control, we see this plain as day in side stories. While we know she means well there, Respect shows how her need for control and for things to go with her vision can end up causing issues. She also in general has a "oh I can fix it!" attitude that can clash with Natsuki and Yuri. And I think whats so fascinating about it is the fact that those traits are also in base game. But the problem with base game monika is that shes in a completely different situation and thus the flaws she so typically falls back on are used in even greater effect. She needs to control the situation so she can escape and just be the ONE for once. She makes a plan and follows it and thinks that itll 100% work in her favor because it HAS to. She "fixes" things in a way that SHE thinks is right. Another thing with her issues with control is how she feels the need to 'control' how others feel about her, in the sense that she is VERY good at hiding her feelings and her thoughts and putting up a mask. (Honestly it what makes her such a great foil to Sayori but thats something else) I think a thing is when writing Monika is alot of stories are post game, so post when she realizes she fucked up BIG time. But even then, I think that when monikas flaws should still show up. Shes someone who sticks in her own head and goes with her own plans, and in a post game setting it can appear as her thinking shes helping the others, but she just isnt because she refuses to just talk or ask. Actually one of my favorite examples of a post game story that shows Monika still being very flawed, and shows how her trauma can manifest is on tumblr! Doki Doki Literature Girls has such a good Monika because even though she trying to do better, she still has that nihilism from before, she still tries and do things her way, she still yearns for love from the outside even tho she knows it can never happen. But theres now her acknowledging that she cares about the others and thus theres alot of learning for her to go through.

This is a long ass ramble, I just love writing Monika and her mindset, shes so *shakes her like a soda can*. Also wanna say your art is super good, thank you for the gay people. (Also side thing because I wanna be silly, Total if you see this cause this will probably pass your fyp, hiiiii, you know who this is :))

this is a comment i made a WHILE back, crazy how you start this ask with such a similar opinion

the base game is basically giving a control freak peefectionist the power to control the entire universe. Or, the illusion of control anyway. I think the reason she is more chill in Act 1 is bc she herself thinks she is in charge. The more time passes, the more she slowly understands that even if she can control every part of the game, she cannot control who the player chooses. And not being in control of the one thing she wants, talking to a real person, kinda pivots her to Act 2. Also, she does in fact think that she knows best in every way. Very arrogant of her, but while i do think it is kind of her ego talking it also mostly again falls under her need to be in control of situations. Monika's relationship with control is so interesting and complex that i can't talk about it without slowly going "hhhhhsggggghh monika character cool :("

Most fics do take place after the game so i get that, by this time, Monika has had her character development so her acting shitty towards the girls doesn't really make sense. I will say though becoming a better person takes time, its not as simple as "Wow, something showed me i was being an asshole, i won't ever act like that again". So, having her accidentally fall back into her previous attitude would not be that out of character. Plus, her being way harder on herself bc of the guilt? And maybe do some self sabotaging little moves? Yeah.

Haven't seen doki doki literature girls, but i have heard good things about it. Maybe I'll check it out!

Thank you for the compliment, i try my best lol. And thanks for the ask too btw, im always down to talk about Monika

( well i might have an idea of who you are too, if it is you then you seem super cool. Also, Total (im assuming you mean TotalFormage) you are super cool too )

[iridescentgleam]

Okay, yeah, romantic love is great and all, but I also want friends who would drive each other to a 24-hour convenience store at 3:00 am when the other called them because can’t sleep or woke up from a nightmare or some shit and just... roll with it. Hear the other person out if they want to talk about it and help distract them from the issue at hand if they don’t. Help them load up on snacks and sodas or coffees and just go back to their car and sit with them in an empty parking lot, illuminated only by streetlamps, as they stuff themselves with junk and play shitty radio tunes. And then, if the other person falls asleep, turn the radio down and drive them home. If not, then they stay up together and then wake the whole friend group up at, like, 6:30 to come over to one of their houses to play video games. And the rest of the friend group doesn’t question it a bit. Doesn’t fuss over whoever looks obviously upset because they know it won’t make them feel better. Instead, one of them threatens to kick their ass at Mario Kart with a teasing grin because, unless they want to talk about it, this is just a normal hang-out. And everyone in the friend group just understands this because they’ve been friends for what feels like forever and this is just the kind of thing you pick up on after a while, right?

[fatfables]

Too Fat to Fuck

A new short, punk rock, fat fable.

“Went to a party. I gorged all night. I ate 16 slices and looked a sight. But now I’m stuffed. You’re out of luck. I’m stuck on the sofa, too fat to fuck.”

These were the first lyrics that I ever wrote. I was fifteen and thought that I was gonna be a rockstar. It was 1982 and my band was called “The Fat Bellamys.” We thought it was the coolest name ever because Bellamy kind of sounds like bellies. Fat rockstars and fat punkers were unheard of back then. We all pretended to be brothers when really we were just best friends. I was the lead singer and took the name, Jelly Bellamy. Malcolm was not a good name for a frontman. Jelly suited me well. In my skin-tight ripped jeans and stained wife-beater vest, ass and belly a-bulging, I thought I was the dog’s proverbials, wobbling around on stage like a rolly-polly lunatic. I would spit half-chewed pizza crusts at the disgusted audience as I screamed out my shitty lyrics, diaphragm visibly vibrating. I was determined to be the most popular fat kid in the valley.

The rest of the band consisted of Kevin (Tubby Bellamy) on guitar, Jay (Chubby Bellamy) on bass, and Killian (Kill the Bellamy) on drums. Killian was the fattest of us by far and the best looking. I was always secretly jealous of him. The drummer is always the fattest guy in the band. He also got to sit down all the time which I thought was hella unfair.

We practised in the store room out the back of my Dad’s pizza restaurant. It was also the only place that we ever performed. The restaurant was called “Do Littles” a pun on our surname, Dolittle, as in the doctor who could talk to the animals. Not that anyone in my family ever tried to talk to animals, we were too busy eating them and living up to our moniker by being as lazy and idle as possible. Dad was not a hard worker and neither was I. 

The restaurant was located on a side street off the south end of Ventura and was famous for its large greasy pies, large greasy owners, and large greasy customers. We played there every Saturday night for three years in return for free pizzas and sodas. Who needs paying when you’ve already got all the free food that you need right? I must’ve gained a hundred pounds or more in the few years that I was playing at the restaurant, as did the rest of the band.

We used to pull in a sizeable regular crowd of chubby punk kids, geeks, gluttons, and other assorted fat losers. Our fans were all the kids that would rather fill their faces than get high on crack and PCP with the “cool” kids at the Whiskey. We all thought that it was way cooler to die of diabetes than an overdose. We were the Chris Farley to their River Phoenix. We were ahead of our time.

Every weekend we would stuff ourselves stupid for hours on slippery slices of deep pan pepperoni, melted gooey four cheeses with stuffed crusts, and massive 20” meat feasts. We’d slurp down bucket loads of free refillable sodas and slushies until we were fit to burst. Then we would go on stage for twenty minutes. Huff and puff as we attempted to thrash out a handful of two minute songs, betweens our burps, before exhaustedly stumbling off stage and back to our booth to refill once more.

I wrote a few other songs during that period that we added to our weekend menu. “Eat the Poor,” was interpreted by some as being a satirical take-down of the Reagan administration's economic policies, but really it was just my personal desire to eat, digest, and excrete poor people. “California Uber Bellies,” was our theme song, and just generally spoke to how we saw ourselves. “Give Me Convenience Foods of Give Me Death,” speaks for itself, as did “Ice Cream Truck.” But it was with, “Too Fat to Fuck,” that we finished every performance. That was our masterpiece. That was the cherry on the cream, on the cake, that sat on top of the sundae, that was our set.

I wrote it when I was fifteen so had never had sex for that reason. I didn’t know that I was writing my own prophecy. Anyway, girls were kind of hard to come by in the fat geek punk scene. Or at least they were until Melissa showed up.

She was beautiful with curves as wide as the horizon. Her dumper truck ass and thighs looked so succulent trapped in her multi-coloured leggings. She was as wide as the door with the silverest cellulite and fattest cankles that I had ever seen. Her belly hung soft and low and appeared to wave, with every step and breath, as if it were made of melted chocolate. It hung limp like a bumpy deflated tire, in comparison to mine, which was round and smooth, and ballooned out like an over inflated beach ball, due to the years of excessive intake of carbs and sugar, with which I’d joyously glutted it on a daily basis. I was in love. And that was before she even ordered.

I saw her looking back at me and she smiled as she told the waiter, Merrill, that she wanted three twenty inch Seafood pizzas with extra cheese. I waved Merrill over and loudly copied her order to insure that she would notice me. She did and it worked. We matched each other for hours, meat feast after meat feast. I’d never seen a woman devour so many recently living creatures, of land and sea, flattened out on thick greasy, cheesy dough before. Eventually it was time to play and I shook my giant hips and ass at her. She lapped it up and when I took off my 4XL t-shirt in order to show her my sweaty glistening love handles I swore I could see that she was getting wet.

After the show I got up the guts to go and talk to her and we sat for hours talking about our favourite foods and restaurants while we continued to fill our bellies. By the time we snuck off to the store room we must have been drunk on at least ten pizzas a piece.

This is where it went wrong. As hard as I tried I couldn’t get it in her. Our bellies were just too large and incompatible. With my 48” pants around my ankles and my massively bloated beach ball belly bouncing around, my dick just didn’t reach far enough. My boulder smashed into her soft wobbly beachfront but we couldn’t make the all important connection. We tried it standing, we tried it sitting, we tried it every which way but loose, but it wouldn’t work. I had just turned eighteen years old and was already too fat to fuck.

After about fifteen minutes of immense sweating and effort she noticed that I was starting to lose my boner and became upset. This agitation turned into real anger and she eventually stormed off, leaving me alone in the store room with my sad semi and over 200 lbs of pizza dough. As she left she swore that she would get me back for the humiliation. She slammed the door shut and I was left to satisfy myself with the dough.

The next weekend I was shocked when she turned up with her “cousin” Enrico. He was huge and muscular, over 6 ft tall, and 300 lbs. I nervously ate my own weight in pizza wondering what was going to happen. He raped me in the store room after the show. Apparently, you can be too fat to fuck, but not too fat to be gay.

I went off punk music soon after that. It’s funny how the most aggressive sexual violence possible can affect you. Also, a copycat band had just come out. They called themselves the “Anarchy Burgers (Hold the Salad)” and were based at a burger and hot dog joint in Pasadena. They totally ripped off our idea. The final nail in the coffin was when I got a ‘cease and desist’ order from some company called ‘Alternative Tentacles,’ which I thought was strange. I always believed that was an entirely different kink.

Read more fatfables at www.fatfables.com

[magicrainbowkitties]

Aight so I know this is the absolute LEAST concerning thing about the Palestinian genocide right now (which, I've probably forgotten to mention in my own words till now:

FREE PALESTINE, FUCK ISRAEL, AND UNFOLLOW ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW IF YOU SUPPORT THAT GENOCIDAL FUCK NETANYAHU AND HIS ASSHOLE CRONIES).

BUT. In light of them asking us out west to boycott several specific companies, the one in particular I wanna talk about is SodaStream.

Because uh. I'm gonna be so fuckin fr right now cause I thought those guys had gone outta business. Like. My parents bought one cause of the stupid fuckin commercials from when it first came out (admittedly, I asked them to, because I was maybe 7 or 8, and "ooooh at-home soda machine sounds coooooool"), and we all fuckin hated it. And not even like the one part was bad and I grew to like it later, no we ALL (me, my parents, and my brother) tried it multiple times with multiple different flavors of those fuckin pint bottles of syrup you had to buy from like Bed Bath And Beyond or something, and it was all fucking NASTY. It tasted like if sewage waste was in a lead-lined shipping container on the same transport as a can of whatever soda.

We dispised the loathsome thing, to the point where that fuckin soda machine vanished into the ether sometime between us moving and the last time we saw one of those shitty syrups on the shelves. And the latter was well over 7 years ago I think (idk time is hard), so I honestly have no clue in the world where that piece of filth ended up. Nor have I seen anything with a SodaStream logo on it for the last forever.

Like. It's literally the same thing as the fucking Juicero, just for soda. And also like the Juicero, you can't find the bottles of syrup for it literally anywhere, so I assumed that it took the route of Juicero (which is to say, directly into the business void, never to be seen again). The fact it's apparently still around is crazy enough, but the fact they have enough money to be such a powerful influence that Palestinian people are like "hey stop buying from these guys, they're actively making things worse for us" is straight-up mind-boggling to me.

Maybe it's just my ass being firmly planted under a rock, but if anybody would like to let me know where these peddlers of gross have been hiding/exactly why they're being boycotted (not to say I won't or that everyone shouldn't, by the by! Just asking if anyone knows some context plz and thank u), that'd be really cool!

Anyhow uh I'm sorry this one was long and rambling, I've been sick all weekend and time is a meaningless soup rn. Take care, and if somehow someone from Palestine ends up seeing this... I see you, I love you, and I'm so, so sorry for everything being done to you and your people. Know that there are millions upon millions of people all over the world crying out for your justice and for your lives, and that those people refuse to leave you to suffer alone so long as we can help it. I hope my little rant at least made you smile a little, and I wish you every ounce of whatever strength you need to get through this. 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[stonyponyofficial]

i was tagged by @cyber--grrl to list ten songs with food and or beverage in the title. thanks fer the tag :3

ill also rate how yummy each song is for fun! 😋

1. dog food - 100 gecs: mm yummy girlkibble just for me ^w^ also very yummy song. the beginning gives me goosebumps every time, and the ending vocal noise feels very eating kibblecore.... u agree right? umm 8/10

2. Chocolate Matter - Sweet Trip: if there were something out there generically called like "chocolate flavored matter" i think id eat it. also DELICIOUS song lots of variety and good texture here 9/10

3. Cream Soda no Yuutsu - ......... : ill admit im not much of a cream soda fanatic. nothing against it in fact it sounds quite yummy at the moment i just don't really have it ever. similar feelings about the song. good i just haven't listened to it much.. feels like im on a cream soda beach being soaked in the waves 7/10

4. Lean Beef Patty - JPEGMAFIA, Danny Brown: mmm yumm yummy yummy scaring the hoes for dinner AGAIN fuck yesss 🥰😻 however just a patty? in a state of being .. maybe cooked? could just be raw meat on a plate. hmmmm. while the song would be near perfect yumminess on my Violet Yumminess Scale the title brings it down a lot... ill say 6/10

5. honeydew blue - 800 Cherries: oooh double fruits on this one :3c melons besides the famous wawermelon aren't really my go-to fruit snack but id have a little if u were having some o_o and like u were making it look really good idk... oh and id have a few of those 800 cherries u have too even tho i said i didn't really like those too... also the song is what i hear when im full from a nice fruit meal. and the triannnggllleeee 😩 chews on it. it is metal. i was gonna give this song an 8 but me not liking honeydew that much should not bring it down this song is a 9/10 yumminess

6. Fresh Meat - Diet Tea Other Cola: yet again we run into the clash between song and title yumminess. fresh meat: the song's yumminess comes from dtoc's slick lyrics and how they mix like backing screams into these songs with little midi beats? i think they're an interesting artist but thats for another time. fresh meat: the food however? would maybe not be as yummy i think. 4/10 bleh!

7. Princess Lunas Glorious Grilled Cheese Sandwiches - Cats Millionaire: i would do unspeakable things to a grilled cheese rn. especially if it was one of princess lunas 😳.... isn't my favorite off fun fun fun but is still yummy in its own right! 7/10

8. Hotel Breakfast - Bladee: listen if there's a whole buffet of shitty breakfast food im there. and if there's a bladee song about it im also there. wait he missed the hotel breakfast bc he slept too late? rookie mistake. 6/10 for missing it lol

9. Stir Fry - Migos: mmmmmm im just making myself hungry now. personally id fuck up some stir fry. chunky ass noodles. little corn. shit. and this Migos song? yummy enough to back it up 8/10

10. Piggy Pie - Insane Clown Posse: hmmmm if we're talking like a pork pot pie from the freezer section yeah sure yummy as hell. however im not sure about these fellas food handling credentials or their ingredients..... song is very crunchy and record scratchy and yummy however so to balance all this. a 7/10 yumminess :3

okay here is where i use my summoning spells.... in case anyone would like to show off their yummy songs as well ^w^ u don't have to rate them that was just for me hehe.... u don't even have to make a post we can just think about yummy songs together instead! ummm okay here i goes @numetalpuppygirl @metroid-fusion @transgirlmononoke @malicious-face @toriel-vapes @a-little-bit-poss SHAZOOO spell of increase ur notification number by one

and as always thanks for w

and as always anyone can lie and say i tagged them if they wanna do yummy song game!

[spellboundspook]

I'm mental ill so here are a bunch of my Sweet cap'n cakes headcanon

I'm not really sure where I should put this Headcanon but I Headcanon them as brothers there also all 15 in my headcanon

[Cap'n]

-Cap'n is non-binary he uses He/They pronouns and he's bi (convinced that their straight is in full on dental)

-they have autism and anxiety

-Cap'n favourite type of music is basically Toby fox's kind of music he has a very video gamey style of music he likes

-Cap'n is terrified of bugs any bugs Sweet and K_K never thought it was a big deal till they found him sobing on the dinner table at 7am cos he saw a spider somewhere

-their dask is always a mess they can never find anything on it it drives them mad but they despise cleaning

-bottles up all their emotions to a very unhealthy degree

-when they get mad they tend to just storm out of the house and destroy things at the trash zone

-they only drink soda (and milk when they need to be healed)

-they love sweet foods the tried a Taki once and they felt like they were dieing from the spice (or as sweet calls it being dramatic)

-he thinks he's the leader of the band (he's not)

-flirts with everything that moves he's is also unintentionally creepy with the flirting alot of the time but he'll stop if you ask

-his flirting only worked on one girl and she didn't even show up for the date

-he almost cried fr didn't help that it was on valentines day

-he dance with Ralsei when they first had their fight... he felt things but he's not gay right (spoiler alert he's bi and in denial)

-speaking of his love life he may flirt alot but if someone dares flirt back with him he became a sweating nervous blushing pile of stuttering

-cannot handle flirting to save his life

-really likes video games has a shit sleep schedule cos of it

-cap'n swears a lot (I mean he calls the Berdly status shit in the Japanese version of the game)

-he also suffers from nightmares he tends to go out on a lot of midnight walks

-he also has shitty eyesight (yes those are prescription glasses)

-K_K kindly tells him to watch he's fucking language

[Sweet]

-Sweet is non-binary and they use they/them pronouns their aroace and romance repulsed hate it

-they have autism

-sweets favourite music is musicals like Heathers, Beatle juice and ride the cyclone

-Speaking of they hateing romance they cannot sit though a romance film without nitpicking every little detail of the film

-they are a total perfectionist every need to be perfect on their desk cap'ns mess ass desks drives them insane

-Sweet is some kind of horror their mouth is also their eye retractable teeth they didn't really do it as a kid but they just did it one morning at breakfast and the only one they was freaked out was Cap'n

-sweet ironically love spicy foods like curry and Takis

-when they talk they pace up and down helps the train of thought

-sweet is the leader of band they are the full on brains of the operation

-The one that holds the braincell

-if sweet has too much sugar they go full hyper feral mode their too small can't handle too much suger

-they will bite, scream, kick, hiss do anything to get more sweet stuff K_K is the only one that can contain the feral beast

-they collect shiny rock and necklaces and shit

-basically a box of random crap they like

[K_K]

-Cakes is non-binary and she uses she/he/they their an aroace lesbian

-she has adhd and Autism

-Cakes favourite music like cap'n is also very video gamey music but she also loves vocaloid music

- Cakes desk is organised chaos to everyone else it look terrible but to K_K can just find whenever they need

-K_K is a chronic sleepwalker and talked Sweet and Cap'n lock the front door but K_K somehow always unlocks it

-Cakes isn't actually as dumb as she pretends he's actually really smart she just tends to zone out a lot

-very terrible sleep schedule wakes up at 5pm and falls asleep at 6am they try and fix it but their an insomniac so if they wake up during the night they're not going to fall back asleep

-K_K has a tendency to wonder off like their talking with Sweet and Cap'n one minute and their walking through a random alleyway the next

-they were the one that met spamton first tried to sell her car insurance she fucking ran for the hills

-spamton scares him... a lot

-K_K is the only reason that sweet hasn't choked out Cap'n

-cakes can be scary when she wants to be like when she's mad she'll just glare at you with a blank smile

-doesn't help they she tends to loom over people

-he's also really quite when they walk like they just appear behind people

-stay with me but I headcanon that Queen has always wanted kids

-so she just kinda kidnapped K_K made them sign adoption papers

-and now she's Cakes (cool adopted) mom

-sweet and Cap'n did not take this news well when they found out

[blessyourhondahurley]

The Return of Bruno

A family Die Hard-athon in the Dean Cave has to be postponed.

Suptober prompt: Fine Wine Flufftober prompt: Movie Marathon Fictober prompt: "Check that again, are you sure?" Inktober prompt: Trip

(Read on AO3)

The popcorn was popped, there was plenty of beer and soda on ice, and all three of the Bunker's couches had been wedged into the Dean Cave. They had everything they needed for their Die Hard movie marathon.

Except Die Hard.

Dean had deemed it crucial that they go “old school” on this, so he'd called ahead to the last active video rental store in Kansas and put all five movies in the series on hold. Cas had volunteered to make the three-hour round trip to pick up the tapes. Dean, Sam, and Jack had stayed behind to set up their new ultra large screen TV, figure out how to hook up an ancient VCR to it, and then jigsaw the furniture in around it.

By the time Cas had returned with a big plastic VIDEO VANGUARD bag, everyone was ready to start the show.

Dean dumped out the bag and started sorting the tapes into order.

“Lessee here, Die Hard with a Vengeance, that's the middle one. Live Free or Die Hard, number four. Die Hard 2, uh-huh. A Good Day to Die Hard – the triumphant conclusion of the pentalogy. Which means this one is... Blind Date?!? Dude, what the hell, didn't you check the tapes before you left the store?”

He thrust the unwanted video in Cas's face and pitched his voice low and rough in a broad, sarcastic impression of the former angel. “'Hello mister video man, I am here to pick up my incredibly important special order. Oh, they're already in this bag? All five movies are in there? Can you check that again, are you sure?' You seriously didn't think to double check, Cas?”

Cas glared at him. Making an obvious effort to keep his tone civil, he replied “No, Dean, I did not stay to interrogate the clerk at the video store. You told me before I left that I needed to hurry because everyone was waiting for me. I took the bag I was handed and I drove straight back.” He accepted the tape that Dean was shoving towards him and peered at the front cover. “By the looks of it, this movie also stars Bruce Willis. Is it not an acceptable substitute?”

Dean gaped at him. “Acceptable substi–!! A chick flick?!? No way, man, we can't have a Die Hard marathon without Die Hard! Sam, back me up on this!”

Sam shook his head. “Dean's not wrong. We kind of need to have the first one to start things off right. And since there's no way we're watching that piece of crap instead, I'm gonna make this an early night and go read in my room.”

Jack piped up, “Couldn't we just str–” but Dean cut him off with a warning look.

“Hey! We're not streaming anything! When we run this marathon, all five films will be presented as John McClane would want them to be shown: in gritty low-fi! With tape noise, and tracking errors, and shitty sound!! And you!!” He whirled to face his brother, finger pointing between his eyes. “What do you think you're calling a piece of crap?! Blind Date is Bruce's first credited lead role! Maybe his movies haven't all aged like fine wine, but his early work still stands up! Everybody sit your asses down, we're watching this!!”

By now, they were all used to the way Dean could flip his opinion on a dime whenever someone dared to insult one of his many guilty pleasures, so this about-face didn't come as much of a surprise. Sam was not in the mood to indulge him on this one, though.

“Ehh, whatever,” he said dismissively. “If we're not doing the marathon tonight, I'm out. Tomorrow one of us can make the drive and swap the tape. 'Night, guys.”

Dean made a derisive sound at his brother's retreating back, then turned to their son with a hopeful grin. “Jack, you're still up for it, right?”

Jack was visibly hesitant to reply. “Umm, actually, if it's okay with you, I'd rather not. I don't like movies with a lot of kissing.”

Cas cleared his throat from the couch to Dean's left. “The description on the case suggests that this movie might be a little adult for Jack. Perhaps we can postpone family movie night altogether until the correct tape can be acquired.”

Jack seemed to take that as permission to leave, grabbing a bowl of popcorn and a couple bottles of soda on his way out the door.

“And then there were two,” Dean intoned with a sigh and a quirk of his mouth.

“Indeed,” Cas agreed with a smile. “The perfect number for a romantic comedy.” He patted the cushion next to him on the couch. “Join me?”

Dean popped the tape into the VCR and cuddled up to his boyfriend. As the anti-piracy ad played, a thought occurred to him. “Baby, did you pick up the wrong tape on purpose?”

“I swear I didn't, love. The video store truly did make an error. But I can't say I'm mad about it. Are you?”

“Nah,” Dean muttered, wrapping one hand around his boyfriend's and digging into his popcorn with the other.

[mallowmaenad]

Having been aboard a small vessel with a Scarovan aboard led me to picking up a lot on their body language, even read up on their culture. We got to know each other pretty well, we exchanged cultural dishes (with some substitutes so we both wouldn’t be shitting blood for the next week) and at this point I had learned their kind’s body language. We were hanging out in my quarters, naturally using my off-hours to get fucking baked with some ancient sitcoms playing on the tv while I had a bowl of some off-brand cheese flavored puff between my thighs. I glanced over at my friend, entirely sober, eye stalks swaying gently as their mandible brushed against their forelimbs.

“What’s bothering you?”

They hesitated, “I don’t wanna say.”

“C’mon, we’re friends.”

They thought for a moment, bioluminescent carapace thrumming in contemplation as they found the wording.

“Well it’s just that you humans act exactly like the 3rd Schreemar dynasty.”

I had dabbled in Scarovan history, I knew this was real life though and not some old book trying to predict the future, each planet had hundreds of hundreds of countries, some millions. Usually a planetary monoculture meant some bad shit had gone down recently. I studied M’luk’s country mostly, I was fascinated by the differences, the total alien nature of their civilization to me.

I had no idea what she was talking about.

“Hrm?” I threw another shitty cheese puff into my mouth, melting impact with my tongue.

“They were some ancient nickel-age empire, one of those big ‘we’re going to conquer the world’ civilizations. They made a bunch of movies and video games about them. Like, it might just be my translator but sometimes you’ll slip into some really archaic terminology like ‘pencil’ or ‘governor’, it makes you sound like a bunch of fantasy characters.” Her claws brushed together in an alien grin, maybe she was lying when she said her people were immune to this stuff.

I thought for a moment, fuck I was too high for this.

“W-what…?”

“Well it’s just that you’re all so stoic and war-like, there’s a few humans I’ve met that aren’t but they make being different like, their whole personality.”

I took a swig of the shitty off-brand soda I grabbed from the commissar and made a face, out of both confusion and how absolutely mid the soda tasted.

“Waddayamean war-like? kinda painting with a broad brush there, Mel.”

She growled, lights going bright from the bottom to the top of her back, a giggle by another name.

“Yeah that’s what I’m talking about, do you guys seriously still use brushes? Also like when I did research on your planet there were… so many wars.”

I leaned forward, a bit floaty from the space weed as I raised my voice a little, “W-wha ya mean??? We don’t have that many…”

“Ya’ll were literally naming them like they were sequels to movies. You made sequels to your wars. Who does that??”

I gulped as I tried to find my words, the growling and thrumming meant that my alien friend was definitely getting a contact high and laughing her ass off.

“B-bu-but…!”

“You had more than one war involving the entire planet.”

Flabbergasted I plopped back into the embrace of my bean bag chair, glassy eyes watching as some criminal comedians exchanged inane parables about heterosexual relationships.

“Damn, you right. You right.”

There was a long pause, focused on the television as the ancient New Yorker play continued.

“So um, did they also have a thing in like, twenny first century where a bunch of guys wanted to bring that back?”

“Oh just a bunch of teal couch potatoes that spent too much time online.”

My stomach lurched. Oh well, it was all in the past.

“Hey can you pass those crickets?”

She handed me the clear bag of dried insects, she garbled something the translator didn’t pick up.

“Yeah I can’t pronounce that, so I’m callin’ em crickets.”

[sharksa-shivers]

We cool with stuff taking place on phones/through texts too? Cuz i have a surplus of that as well...

I have a ton of shit where it's formatted as text convos and shit between the derpos becauseeeeeeeeeee yes lol. (Legit tho, it is fun and it's a good way to also flesh out characters, like what kinda shiz would they talk about through text convos? I recommend doing that if you're looking for more ways to write stuff lol) ------- Here's a Sharksty one Kristy: Hey, did you eat any breakfast? :3 💗

Sharky: ……..

Kristy: Well?

Sharky: Does a star cola count as breakfast? I mean it's like 140 calories a can, that's sustainable right?

Kristy: Nope and nope! Alrighty, gotchas, that's all i needed to know.

Sharky: …..? Huh?

Kristy: Lol, i'm gonna make some breakfast for us both! :3 I wanna try and make some sausage egg biscuits sandwich things! (Idk what they're called lmao…But they seem simple and easy and quick and tasty!!! So…😋)

Sharky: …..Can i maybe know the calorie contents or?

Kristy: …You were literally just asking me if a soda counted as breakfast so i have a feeling if i tell you the answer to that (even if i did math it out while making it)That you'd just use that answer as an excuse to skip out on food whenever you need it…Mmmm, so no lmao.

Sharky: …Please?

Kristy: Nope! 💗They're little breakfast sandwiches with egg and cheese and sausage on them, i promise you you'll be ok ya derp.

Kristy:(sends pictures of the sandwiches)Also look how tasty they look!!! You really wanna miss out on this??? And me making it too????

Sharky: …Ok, ok, you're right, those do look really good heh…That cheese is making me hungry just looking at it…

Sharky: Does Amber have any bacon prepped downstairs?

Kristy: No, why? You want some?

Sharky: Hehhhhh, yeah, maybe…

Sharky: Here, guess i'll come downstairs, i can help ya. Maybe i can help make something and contribute a little bit ey? Might have some pancakr mix down there…

Kristy: MAKING BREAKFAST AS A COUPLE, HELL YEAH!!!!! 💗💗💗 ----------- Here's one with Max and Kristy both getting on Sharky's ass about his self neglect issues. Also cuz text, Max's text is purposefully shitty (cuz i imagine Max gives 0 shits about spellcheck during casual convo and whatnot lol...His friends know what he's going off about soooooooo) --- Kristy: Ey, I'm hungry, you guys want pizza? I wanna get pizza

Max: Fuk yesssssssssssssssssss, god, plz, im starving, fuckin garbo day, plz, i wanttttttttttt

Sharky: ………Eh…

Kristy: What kind you guys want? :3 Thinkin bout a half hamburger and half peperoni with extra cheese for me…

Max: ?

(few seconds pass)

Max: Sharky you fuck, what's "Eh" mean?

Sharky: It means eh, means i'm good. You guys enjoy though…

Kristy: Yknow, i don't think i've seen you eat today… :/

Max: He hasn't

Max: Dumbass, what pizza you want?

Sharky: None, i'm fine 👌

Kristy: Dude, cmon…

Max: finna beat yo ass, what pizza do you want?

Max: This is not me asking, this is a threat, this is a promise.

Max: I will physically come over there, back to the fucking hotel room, i will grab a pillow and i will beat your fucking ass, fuckin, tired of you doing this stupid shit to yourself every few days.

Sharky: Damn, nice…Sounds good to me.

Kristy: Dude, seriously, please… :c I don't want you being hungry all night, you have to be at this point with all the crap we've been doing today…

Sharky: …………I mean……….Eh, who cares? Why does it matter? Like…It doesn't…Just lemme chill, i'm good…

Max: Im so tired of this bullshit…

Max: WHAT

Max: PIZZA

Max: DO

Max: YOU

Max: WANT?

Sharky: I fucking told you, i don't, what's so fucking hard to get here? Why aren't you listening?

Kristy: …………Wait, do you mean you want something else to eat? I can google other places if your tired of pizza, i don't want you feeling forced to eat something you don't want to… :c

Sharky: No, enjoy your pizza, idc, i just don't want any.

Sharky: I don't want any other food either, i'm good. I just wanna chill and sleep in a bit… Max: I swear to fuck

Max: Just order him some hamburger or cheese or something, fuckin, i'm tired, im not let him keep doin this crap…

Sharky: Why tf you being so aggressive?

Max: CUZ I FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU AND I DON'T LIKE SEEING YOU DO THIS SHIT, YOU ARE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED DOING THIS, DEMONS ARE NOT GOING TO CARE IF YOU ARE TIRED, THEY WILL SLAUGHTER YOU AND I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO SEE THAT HAPPEN TO MY FUCKING BROTHER YOU FUCK

Kristy: What kind do you want Max? :3 I'm writing all this down rq…

Sharky: I said i don't fucking want one!!!!

Max: Cry about it bitch, you're getting free food and you're gonna fucking enjoy it

Max: Uhhhhhhh, idk actually, depends, where you getting it from?

Kristy: (gives link) found a local place, looks really good…I'm gonna get cheese garlic bread too :3

Max: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, maybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…Ehhhh, i dunno, fuck it, surprise me lol

Sharky has left the group

Max has added Sharky to the group

Max: Not so fast bitch

Sharky: I DON'T FUCKING WANT ANY, GOD, CAN YOU JUST LISTEN??? FOR ONCE???

Max: No 💜

Sharky: I fucking…God, i hate this stupid ass shit, fucking, i don't want it, don't waste your cash, don't waste your time, i don't want to eat

Kristy: You need to tho dude, seriously…

Max: Fuck you, you're gonna enjoy this goddamn pizza you shithead 💜

Sharky: ……………I'm so tired of this…

Max: Imagine how tired we are having to fucking worry about you doing this dumb shit every 3 or 4 days…

Kristy: Dude, seriously, this pizza looks really delicious, you should try some! It's a little family owned shop, means it's gotta be good…

Sharky: No

Kristy: (sends link again) Plz at least look at the pics, it all looks so hot and cheesy and fresh ~(^*^)~ I bet you'd love it if you tried it!!!

Sharky: ……………………………………Please stop…Fuck, please, you both are making me feel bad…

Max: Do not stop Kris, keep going, we're breaking him >:) Kristy: Uhmmmm, ik you like cheese bread Sharky, i bet you'd REALLY like garlic cheese bread :3

Sharky: Please stop, please…

Max: Whats wrong? Starting to want it?

Kristy: Oooooo! They have dipping sauces too! I'm gonna get extra marinara! :3

Sharky: god

Max: Heyyyyy, ooooo, cheesesticks, think we can get those Kris?

Kristy: Hell yes!!! Ahhhh, that really sounds good

Sharky: ………………..

Max: Gonna get some ranch dipping sauce cuz fuck it lol

Max: Can we get drinks too? Ain't shit up there in the hotel room…

Kristy: Yee! What do you want to drink? :3

Max: Defs a liter soda….or………..3 lol

Kristy: ………For just you or?

Max: lmao yes ofc

Sharky: ………………………………….

Kristy: Do you want something to drink Sharky? :3

Max: Well Sharky we're waiting…

Sharky: …..canihavegarliccheesebreadtoo?

Max: WE FUCKIGN GOT HIM!!!!!

Kristy: Wait, you serious?! :0

Sharky: ……….Yeah…ig…

Kristy: Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Dude, i'm so happy!!!!!

Max: You're gonna have tasty food and your gonna like it

Sharky: ………….imgonnafeelsoshittyafterthis, ialreadyfeelsofatrightnowandihateit……

Kristy: Dude, you don't have to feel bad like that… :/

Max: Who fuckin cares if your fat? I want you to fucking survive, literally doesn't matter

Max: is a diff body type and literally everything in media that is designed to make you feel bad about being fat is cuz they wanna make cash off your suffering so fuck em, eat, be fat, be happy, stay alive, fuck the media

Sharky: Neither of you get it, ugh…

Kristy: Sharky, what else do you want? :3

Sharky: ………………I dunno, head hurts…

Kristy: Do you need me to get you meds? :c

Sharky: ……………No, just…Ig i do need to eat…Guess i am starving…

Sharky: Ig…Yeah, hamburger pizza sounds good, with cheese bread, maybe ig a bottled drink or 2 for me but no liter crap… -------- Solo Max and Sharky one cuz yeah, sure lol --- Max: So do you gott he stuff?

Sharky: uhhhh, yeah, i do…

Max: mighf i seeeeeeee?uwu?

Sharky: ehhhhh

Sharky: That's require me like…Taking a picture of myself and like…I'd rather spare you that, ehhhh…

Max: bruh lmao

Max: doooooooo it cmon lol

Sharky: I don't want to, i hate how i look right now ok?

Max: wut is it you hate?

Sharky: You know what…

Max: you mean your body and stomach that are perfectyl fine? Is that it?

Sharky: Can we just…Leave it or???

Max: bruh, lol, you look fineeeee!!!!!

Max: You are valid

Max: Dare i say beautiful even?

Max: just as yourself, i promise ya…

Sharky: ……..

Max: Cmon, seriously, i promise you look fine…

Sharky: …….I…I dunno, i just…

Sharky: Goddamnit, fine…

Sharky:(posts a pic of him with the supplies and shit, him obviously hesitant in photo to actually take the photo)….Here, ffs…

Max: damn, dude, you look really nice, you seriously insecure when you look like that???

Sharky: Considering my fucking ugly body and gut and face, yes. Mmhmmm, you nailed it.

Max: lol, bruh, you look fuckin fine, i promise

Max: king, hey king, you dropped this👑

Max: Valid qs fuck and always will be and i will fight you every fuckin time

Sharky: Max, seriously, how can you think i look fine like this????

Max: Because i know why you think the things you do and those reasons are bs

Max: You legit hurt yourselc over how you look, i hate seeing that

Max: I'd much rather see you embrace yourself as ya are cuz you look perfectly fune and great and i wouldn't fuckin lie to you lmaooooo ------------------------------- Yeah, Max is one of those friends who's agressive with how much they care about you...Like...Max just is like that lololol Like these are the 2 energy's lol Kristy:

And then Max lololol, like this is it right here Just like...I do not want Max to come off as mean cuz he's being like "you need to eat dumbass, ima hit you with this pillow!!!" Cuz...That's just like Max being Max lol (If you get what i mean, like that's how Sharky and Max's friendship/brotherhood kinda is with each other) Also yeah, Sharky and Max are best friends but they also see each other as brothers lol, like adoptive brothers.

[alloftheficsyoulovedbefore]

Mafia Messes Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Kim Namjoon and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Namjoon woke up from a month-long coma to a nightmare on fire.

Several things had apparently happened from the moment when a cop got the drop on him when they busted the job that Namjoon’s group was doing til now:

Jin went into the military. (Albeit, it wasn’t actually to do real service. Namjoon would rather eat shit than think that any member of his family would really serve their shitty government. But it was to remind the military officials they were bribing on who they're real bosses were.)

Hybe, under their boss Hitman Bang, tried to take over another family’s (SM) territory.

It didn't work. (They didn't lose any territory, thank fuck.)

Their boss, after patting himself a job well done, went on a vacation. (It was certainly not a job well done.)

And left Namjoon in charge.

Namjoon groaned.

He threw the folder containing the papers that debriefed him onto the floor. The grunt that handed them to him immediately scattered out of the room. Namjoon took a few moments to collect himself. Running a hand through his face, he got an idea. A fantastic one.

He grabbed his phone on the nightstand next to his bed and went to his contacts. The call rang for a few seconds until it went through, and a voice spoke.

"Hello?"

"Seungcheol, how would you like to become the head of H-"

Laughter coming from the other side made Namjoon stop and sigh. The laughter went on and on until it stopped and Seungcheol spoke.

"Nice try, but no."

"You haven't even considered-"

"Yes, I have actually."

Namjoon groaned again.

"Now you know how I feel,” Seungcheol scoffed. “I've been trying to keep this place from burning into the ground since you decided to take your beauty nap and Bang PD dipped after his circus show."

"Any idea where he went? Kinda wanna to kick his ass right now," Namjoon grumbled.

"You and I both, but nope. Motherfucker went off the grid and my team and I still haven't found him," Seungcheol swore.

Namjoon frowned upon receiving the information. He then had a thought.

"Er, by the way, are there any ears on this call?" He remembered that their phones had been made to keep outsiders, like cops, out but not with other members of their own team. So Namjoon technically insulted his own boss.

"Nah, we're fine, don't worry. I've got Wonwoo monitoring this."

"Thanks."

"Yeah, yeah."

Namjoon thought about what he could say next. After a few seconds, he spoke up. "What's the four one one on the crews right now? Could you catch me up? The intern they had type up my debriefs barely put anything useful."

"Probably didn’t know any useful information to begin with. But sure. Who do you want to hear about first?" Seungcheol asked and a hiss came from the receiver as the man on the other side opened up a soda.

"Mine."

"Bangtan's been tearing up hell since you were knocked out. Then they crashed and moped up for a while. I'm surprised I haven't heard them at all right now, aren't they with you? They've been hanging by your side like gargoyles and I had to send some of mine to your territory to cover up the gap in patrols."

Namjoon smiled at his friends. "I don't think they know I'm awake yet. They're still out doing a hit and I'll text them once they're done. I want them to focus on the job. Also, thanks for that. I'll talk to them about slacking on their runs."

"No worries. Who else?"

"You guys?"

"We're alright. Minghao got hurt a few weeks ago but he's fine now and he's running a small job back at his home. Vernon and Joshua are working on something too, along with some from the younger crew. As a whole, we've got a big job at the end of the month."

Namjoon nodded and absorbed the information. "Alright, how's Fromis? TXT?"

"Hm. Fromis went underground. Saerom told me they were doing something undercover so I didn't ask much. Gyuri stayed on the surface though and told me the job's going fine and she’s been our contact since they went under."

A pause and Namjoon heard the man take a sip of his drink.

"TXT's been doing pieces of work around the continent. Amazing jobs, I’ve read the reports," Seungcheol said and Namjoon couldn't help but feel proud as well.

"Can't wait to read up on what they've done then. How about everyone else? Enhypen? Le Sserafim?"

"Enhypen's doing fine. Nothing new from them. Ssera's been doing fantastic killings in Japan. And Chaewon and Sakura told me &Team was doing great there too. They’re back in the country now," Seungcheol stated.

"Okay. And that new crew that the boss had been working on?" Namjoon asked.

"The one he put through Heejin's bootcamp?"

"Yeah, Newjeans I think?"

"Still in the ice. Bang wanted to let them loose but Heejin argued that they're too young. I agreed and the other leaders voted with me so they're still not out," he said. Namjoon recalled their ages and agreed.

“I would’ve voted with you too. They’re starting these kids way too young now,” Namjoon commented.

“Yeah, they’re practically babies,” Seungcheol complained.

“Yeah.” A pause. Then Namjoon spoke. “We were that young too.”

“Doesn’t mean it was right,” he said and Namjoon couldn’t disagree.

“Well, uh,” he said a bit awkwardly. “Thanks for taking my call and filling me in. And for leading Hybe as well while I’ve been on bedrest. Send me what you’ve been dealing with since the boss went off-grid and I’ll handle it from now,” Namjoon said.

“Thank, fuck, I am so done,” Seuncheol said, relieved. “I’ll have Jun run the papers over to you since he’s our fastest runner. Expect him in a few minutes.”

“Will do. Thanks again. Oh, and I’ll probably hold a leader’s meeting soon to update everyone when I make some changes since I’ll be running things til the boss returns.”

“Noted. Good luck.” And the line went dead.

With that being done with, Namjoon took a few seconds to himself before getting back to work. He went back to his laptop and noticed that the trackers on his friends indicated that were heading back to their turf.

With a smirk, he sent them a text informing of his recent resurrection. A flood of responses immediately came in and he laughed and told them to focus on the road. He left his room for the first time that month and immediately noticed the mess that littered his hallway and, presumably, the rest of his house.

Namjoon guessed that this was what Seungcheol meant about his crew hanging around like gargoyles. Though, he wished that they picked up a broom during their stay.

He decided to ignore the mess for now and headed to the entrance. Namjoon went straight to the small room connected to the foyer where all the live feeds and security systems he had installed were located. He sent a text to Seventeen’s leader asking for their runner’s prints and was too busy keying them into his system for clearance that he didn’t hear the motorcycles driving in front of his house.

With a nonchalant gait, Namjoon left his security room to be full on body-tackled by none other than Jungkook.

Namjoon, having only been awake for thirty minutes and had been on bedrest for the past month which meant weaker reflexes and weaker muscles, did not expect this.

Jungkook, excited at his friend and leader being awake and talking and also not thinking of his friend’s current physical state, also did not expect this.

In a majestic collision of muscles and limbs, Namjoon and Jungkook toppled onto the cold marble floors and Namjoon was knocked into another coma.

(Albeit it was only for a week this time.)

When he woke up, he got another debrief on what he had missed:

The rest of Bangtan got mad at Jungkook and, as punishment, sent him to the military with Jin. (Although Namjoon that that was probably more of a punishment to the military officials and Jin, than it was to Jungkook)

Seungcheol, tired and not wanting to lead Hybe anymore, faked his death. (No one believed it but most people let it happen as it was pretty understandable.)

Seungcheol went on vacation. (Lucky bastard, Namjoon thought.)

Soobin had to lead Hybe. (It went alright).

Something not on the debrief but also very important was that: 

Jimin, that annoying prick, bought Namjoon a helmet and left it on his nightstand where it was the first thing Namjoon saw when he woke up.

The first thing that Namjoon did as leader of Hybe was to throw the purple sparkly bow that came with the helmet at Jimin’s face.