#also sending you all the comfort and hugs because i cried it out too yesterday and we both need it 💜

[stormyoceans]

I wanted to just reach out (not anonymous this time, tho feel free to publish if you want) and say that I discovered jimmysea through LT, and I treasure them so so much now, and I loved your posts about them and morkday, and I loved the experience of watching it weekly, despite the immense letdown of last ep (cried about it a lot already). so. idt it was useless nor a waste. <3 also, I'm 100% writing a fix it fic based on one of the things I THOUGHT this ep might do, lol.

i do hope it's okay to publish this because i really wanted to thank you for reaching out 💜

despite my feelings about the ending, if there's one thing im always gonna be grateful to last twilight for is that it was able to bring new wonderful people just like you into our nomnom fandom. im so happy the show made you discover jimmysea and that you enjoyed the journey until now, and if my blog could bring you a little joy along the way as well then im really glad!!!!!

i hope we'll get to scream about a new jimmysea show together very soon and in the mean time i'll be waiting for your fix-it fic!!!!!! please tag me in it or send me a link when you're done with it? no pressure of course!!!!

[fallinfl0wers]

hello!! c: I loved prompt 18 and so I was wondering if you could write something with childe, diluc and kaeya ​​(separately) where your s/o is very excited for the date that was arranged, the reader gets dressed and puts on his/her best clothes, but then after waiting a long time for her partner, she realizes that he won't show up. Maybe after returning home find the character sleeping or doing something else? angst/hurt with comfort attempt pls? 😭

When he stands you up, and then apologizes

summary: you had both agreed to this date, you even planned it on advance so that it wouldn't interfere with his schedule together! ...so why isn't he here? includes: childe (19 bullet points), diluc (21 bullet points), kaeya (19 bullet points) format: bulletted headcanons + small dialogues warnings: reader being stood up, also i think this turned out to be really gender neutral? i think i didn't really use gendered words... thank you for your request! i hope you like it >< i'm still not very good at writing kaeya, so i hope this was okay;;

Diluc

Truth be told, you were already expecting this to happen. Deep down.

But that didn't make it hurt any less.

You both had planned it with months of anticipation, too. He promised you he'd be here.

But here you were, coming back home after being stood up. You had waited for him for hours, and he never showed up.

So you were back at the winery, and he wasn't even there. The maids told you he had to attend... some business outside.

Just great, you thought as you entered your shared, empty room and put on some more comfortable clothing. He forgot about it.

When Diluc gets home late at night and goes to your room, he's greeted with you snacking on some cookies and reading a novel.

"Love?" "Oh, you're finally home. Hi."

Diluc feels guilty. The reason why he hadn't gone to your date was because he had received yet another threatening letter from the abyss order and had to take care of that as soon as possible.

It really wasn't his intention to stand you up!

Even if you know about his vigilante duties, he feels hesitant on telling you this.

He feels like it sounds like an excuse even if it isn't and he has proof.

So he kneels down next to the bed while you keep giving him the cold shoulder, hurt, yet trying not to show it to him.

"I'm sorry, love. I really am. I promise you this will be the last time something like this happens. Please let me make it up to you."

And making it up he does.

For the rest of the month, he clears his schedule as much as possible to spend time with you.

Whatever you want to get or do, he will get or do.

You want to eat your favorite cake? He'll get the maids to bake it for you.

You want to visit Liyue, you say? He can take you there and get you anything that catches your attention, from a simple dish to the most expensive of jewerly and outfits you could want.

He's awkward with his words, but even then he tries for you and tells you how precious you are to him, how much he loves you and how sorry he still is he sometimes can't spoil you and spend time with you how you deserve.

More than anything, though, he spends quality time with you and does acts of service for you besides the multiple gifts (since you probably rejected a lot of his offers to get you things). That's how he tries to make it all up to you.

He promises he'll be more careful from now on.

And he kept that promise, since in the next big date you organized, he was there an hour early with a bouquet of your favorite flowers, waiting for you.

You were never stood up again.

Childe/Tartaglia/Ajax

Normally, you wouldn't blame him or be too hurt when this kind of thing happens.

You understand he has a very important position within the Fatui and that means he can be sent on important, urgent missions at any time and he can't complain or go against his orders.

You respect his work, you get it and all.

But this time what hurt you the most wasn't being stood up, it was the fact that he didn't show up the next day, or the next, or the next, or the next after that.

He practically disappeared for two months without any notice and without sending any kind of letter or message.

A lot of the usual agents you'd see working at the bank and you knew worked under his command weren't there, and the few who were had no clue where he went.

You were both angry, hurt and worried sick.

You waited, and waited, and kept on waiting.

And the night he finally came back home, fortunately unharmed, you literally tackled him with a hug with tears in your eyes.

"Uwah, you missed me that much~? Wait- it's not the time for this! I'm- I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry I couldn't go to our date that day, it really wasn't my intention to-" "S-shut up! I- Do you know how worried I was?!"

He was thinking about your date the whole time he was away on that long, long mission.

Ajax can be a lot of things, most of which are bad things, but he would NEVER break a promise.

So he feels extremely guilty for breaking that one promise he had with you :(

If you thought Diluc could start to get overwhelming with gifts and attention, you have yet to see what Childe is willing to do to earn your forgiveness.

You WILL be treated like royalty, whether you want to or not.

He will spoil you rotten with everything he can. Food, gifts, travels, physical affection, adventures, theatre plays, concerts, art works, books-

Say the word and he will give you whatever you want. No need to hold back! He loves spoiling you, don't feel guilty for anything.

Hell, he would even let you beat him up without defending himself if you were really that mad at him.

"Okay, do you remember what we say in Snezhnaya about pinkie promises? If we break one, we can be thrown in the ice. Do you want us to go to Dragonspine so you can throw me in the ice or something?!" "A-ajax, we don't need to go that far!!" Or maybe you do, hmm...

Overall he's very apologetic and feels a bit disappointed in himself.

He never wants to break your trust, so he will make sure this won't happen again!

Kaeya

The Cavalry Captain is a very busy person, even if it sometimes doesn't look like it.

You know it, you've known it from the very start.

But it doesn't make it any less humilliating or painful to leave on your own after waiting for him for hours just for him not to show up at all.

You go back home and, after having cried for a while, you go to sleep on your own, locking the door from inside and keeping the key with you.

So when Kaeya went back home, he couldn't enter the room to sleep.

This man literally forgot about your date, sorry.

He just got so busy early in the day- he was practically overworked the entire day and couldn't get out to go to your date.

In fact, he was so tired at the moment that he feel asleep the moment he sat down on the couch.

So the apology would wait until tomorrow, when you would finally get out from the room to have breakfast.

You saw no glimpse of him, and assumed he just wasn't home right now.

But as you were making breakfast for yourself, he appeared seemingly out of nowhere and hugged you from behind.

"Hello there, darling... I'm sorry for yesterday, I suddenly got all this work piled upon me. I know, I know it sounds like an excuse but I swear it isn't. I'm just- I'm sorry, sweetheart, I really am."

He goes on to explain everything that happened to him the day before and apoogize over and over again.

He feels so sorry :( He was so stressed and overworked, it really just skipped over his head.

He asks you how would you want him to make it up to you.

He will do about everything you want, no matter what it is.

He, too, would let you hit him for a while if you were feeling mad enough to do it.

He's going to be practically glued to you for the rest of the week- or even the next month if he can!!

He will get very touchy and vocal about it too... Overall, Kaeya is going to be really clingy with you.

You might need to tell him to stop if it gets overwhelming, otherwise, he's going to keep on doing it!

[pies-writes-and-more]

when you’re crying over something... somewhat silly

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Characters: Iwaizumi Hajime, Tsukishima Kei, & Kozume Kenma, all with a Fem!Reader

Warnings: subtle mentions in Iwaizumi’s that Y/N might be having her period, but fluff otherwise! Also, I very much so didn’t look over this much and kinda rushed the idea so I’m sorry for any inconsistencies or mistakes!

A/N: these are totally made up situations and definitely not situations based on me and my real life period moments when I cry at everything LOL (a nice thank you to my IRL boyfriend for putting up with my shenanigans haha). Also thank you @thisnoodlewritesao3​ for coming up with the idea for Kenma’s! I hope you all enjoy!

Haikyuu Masterlist

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Iwaizumi was going to kill Oikawa. He wasn’t sure how or why, but he got the sense that the tears in your eyes were because of that idiot. He had only just arrived at your place and you had seemed totally fine earlier when he called to make sure it was okay for him to swing by. So what had happened between then and now?

“Why’re you crying dear?” Iwaizumi’s voice was soft as he climbed into your bed with you, opening his arms and letting you crawl into his lap.

“C-Cause Oikawa and I were sending each other things through Instagram and he showed me this post that said that penguins mate for life. And the male will go around looking for the s-smoothest rock he can find to give to his mate so that they can make a nest together,” you hiccuped, inhaling shakily as you retold the not-so-sad fact.

Iwaizumi just stared at you. He didn’t want to be that guy but he knew the signs. You had specifically been craving your favourite chocolate bars this week and even snapped at him the other day for breathing too loud. You had complained yesterday about your shoulders and back hurting, even after he had helped rub out any tight spots.

He knew it didn’t matter whether you were having that or not, your feelings were all valid, but it definitely explained why you were crying like someone had just died.

“Isn’t that good?” He asked you finally, kissing your forehead gently as he wrapped his arms tighter around you.

You just nodded and sniffled in his arms, clutching his shirt, “Y-Yea.”

“So why are you crying, my love?” he asked with a soft chuckle and you looked up at him with a tearful smile.

“Cause... would you give me a pebble if we were penguins?” 

Iwaizumi couldn’t contain his laughter, pressing his head to yours as he hugged you even tighter, “I love you,” he finally said with a grin. “And yes, I’d give you a pebble.”

Your tears cleared up after his answer, smiling to yourself as you thought about you and Iwaizumi’s as penguins and building a nest together.

But it didn’t take long for your tears to start again when Iwaizumi picked up a nice smooth and pretty looking rock on your evening walk together and handed it to you, asking to be mates for life. He apologized profusely as you cried but you tried to insist that you were happy and held the little rock in your hands like it was the most precious thing in the world.

Tsukishima pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing as he closed his eyes in annoyance. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into you recently but he knew that him yelling at you was probably just going to make things worse.

Your sniffling only irked him more though. He hated knowing you were crying over something easily solvable but refused for it to be fixed.

“Stop looking at me like that,” you whined when he finally opened his eyes and give you a slight glare. “I just want snacks!” Your eyes were filled with tears as you hugged your knees to your chest, pouting to yourself on his bed.

“I told you, we can go get the snacks then. You just have to get out of bed,” Tsukishima told you for what felt like the 50th time.

You shook your head stubbornly, wiping your tears from your eyes quickly, “No! I don’t wanna leave! I’m comfy! If we leave, I have to come back and no longer be as comfy!”

Tsukishima breathed in slowly, trying to remember that he loved you and he had known you were going to be this difficult when he first asked you out. You were stubborn and stupid and annoying but he loved it and he found you oddly amusing. Except for right now maybe.

“Okay, so I’ll go get the snacks. Just let me get ready-” he stood up from the bed, already planning the mini trip in his head.

But your hand grabbed his and tugged him back on the bed, shaking your head yet again, “No! I don’t want you to leave!” You insisted, hugging his arm. “Don’t go!”

“How do you expect me to get you snacks without leaving, Y/N,” he groaned, flicking your head with his free hand. “You gotta pick. You either come with me and get snacks, let me go get the snacks, or live without snacks.”

You didn’t like either of these three options and just whimpered some incoherent noises, grabbing a pillow and stuffing your face into it with some more sounds.

Tsukishima sighed and glanced at his phone and the clock next to him. His fingers tapped lightly on the screen before pulling you close to him and curling up next to you in bed. “Come on, put on that dumb anime you like.”

You whined out some more noises, still upset there were no snacks for you to eat while the two of you hung out, but you complied and just watched your shows with Tsukishima. He was just glad he was able to distract you long enough while Akiteru ran to the store and got you the snacks you had been craving and brought them over.

You had only just stopped crying and probably forgotten about the snacks, when Akiteru came knocking with his arms filled with everything. You started crying almost immediately out of happiness and Tsukishima felt so embarrassed with how tightly you hugged him in front of his brother (though he likes making you happy, even if you’re happy while crying).

Kenma wasn’t sure what to do, finding you on the floor of your room in tears with your headphones in your hands.

“What’s wrong with them?” He asked you quietly, kinda annoyed that you had asked him to randomly come over tonight, but also still kinda happy to see you. 

You looked up at him with tears in your eyes, holding them up to him as he stood next to you, “It’s too loud.”

Kenma stared at you blankly for a moment, “Just turn down the headphone volume.”

“But then it’s too quiet!”

The boy wasn’t quite sure what you wanted him to do about this, and wondered why he had dragged himself out of a game just to see you. 

Right, I love her, he reminded himself with a sigh, plopping onto the floor next to you. “Why don’t you just play without headphones then?” He asked, glancing at the game that was currently paused on your tv screen.

“Cause I don’t wanna bug everyone else when it gets louder,” you pouted, curling up in a ball and hiding your face from him. “I’m sorry, Kenma, I didn’t mean to bring you here over something so stupid,” you mumbled, knowing that tonight, Kenma had wanted to try and finish the level on his game he had been stuck on for weeks now.

“It’s fine. If I didn’t want to see you, I wouldn’t have come,” he shrugged, reaching over and patting your head slightly. “Don’t cry though, it’s not worth your tears,” he insisted, going to your game options and changing the settings of how loud the game itself was. “Here.”

He moved to put your headphones back on your head, glancing at you every time he rearranged the settings to see if you liked it better or worse, “Is that okay?” He asked after a moment.

You nodded slowly, a bit embarrassed that you hadn’t thought about it. Kenma was sure to get annoyed with you if you kept pulling shit like this. He’d get bored with you like he did with games he had already played. 

“Can I play with you?” He asked suddenly, grabbing the second controller that was lying on a nearby table. 

You looked up at him in surprise, “You want to stay?”

He gave a small nod, eyes still fixated on the game on the screen, “I’ve never played this game with two players. Plus I’m already here and you’re the only person I like to play 2 player games with. Kuroo gets too loud and annoying,” he explained, already setting up the game even if you hadn’t officially said yes yet.

But the two of you got comfortable real quick, Kenma guiding you through all the cool easter egg parts of the game, a small smile on his face when he glanced down at you to see how intrigued you were by the game.

“I like playing with you,” he said after a moment, randomly.

You watched him with wide eyes, measuring the genuineness of his words by the expression on his face (though Kenma never seemed to say anything he didn’t mean). “I like playing with you too,” you whispered, tearing up again. Kenma quickly tried to distract you with the game as he noticed the tears, but soon realized that cuddles worked just as well. 

haikyuu taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added!)

@al0ehas​ @aurumk​ @devilkittymusic​ @thisnoodlewritesao3​ @satan-ruler-of-hells​ @trashy-simp​ @jeppiet​ @tobi-momo​ @darkvadeeer​ @haikyuutothetop​ @livy384​ @babyshoyo​ @jesssobs​

[juletheghoul]

Solis

This one is close to my heart - took me a long time to figure out how I wanted to write about Oberyn, this is an au, we are not in Westeros because I wouldn't even know how the hell to jump into that world but I hope you like it.

Oberyn Martell x F!Reader (GOT's AU)

Pairing: Oberyn x F!Reader

Word Count: 10K (sorry bout it)

Warnings: **TRIGGER WARNING** Deals with grief (readers husband / Elia's death) Reader is a widow, deals with loss and depression / fluffy parent stuff, yearning, language, Smut 18+, PIV sex (wrap it up), dirty talk **pregnancy**

Masterlist

--------

You could almost feel his arms around you, could almost feel his voice in your ear telling you he loved you. It always made waking up so hard.

Your son was up though and that meant the end of your time with him. It felt like it had been forever since he passed away, and it also felt like it had happened yesterday. Especially on the days when you dreamt about him.

You missed him fiercely. You felt his loss so strongly, it was like an ache that nothing could relieve. Everything in you wanted to lay in bed and conjure up happy memories but your son needed you.

Lately it seemed like he was the only thing keeping you out of bed.

“Good morning little love.” Your smile for him was genuine. You couldn’t help it when he gave you those little grabby hands.

Your son looked like you, everyone said so. Spitting image absolutely - but every so often you would look at him and see your husband staring back at you and that hurt so much more than you wanted to admit.

You tried to focus on your son, he was babbling happily as you got him ready for his first day at daycare. You had been praying fiercely that he would get a spot before your maternity leave was up. You couldn’t afford to stay home longer than was necessary and in order to be able to afford the spot you were praying for you needed to go back to work. It was a vicious cycle.

You had applied to a few in your area and until last week it had been a steady stream of -unfortunately we have no space at this time- until you found Elias. It was a smaller, more “hands on” daycare but it’s the only option you had within budget.

You would have preferred to send your son to Casterly Rock Child Care but not only could you not afford it, there were never any spots. It was like trying to get your son into private school. Once you were back at work and making your regular salary you could make it work. If he ever got in that is, for now however - it would have to be Elias.

You wanted to get him used to daycare before you went back to work, the thought of leaving him there bawling for you would have meant a horrific first day back. Better to get him accustomed, the lady you had spoken to said that you could start him as early as this week, and you agreed.

“Come on little man, are you ready? You’re going to meet so many other kids! Isn’t that exciting?” He giggled at your happy tone and the sound was always like a balm, his happiness was your happiness. You got his diaper bag ready with everything he’d need and set off.

————

The walk to the daycare had been nice, the fact that it was so close was a big bonus. The daycare seemed to be a big home, the lower level of which had been converted in order to separate the living quarters upstairs. You walked into the foyer and immediately saw a huge portrait of a beautiful young woman.

In loving memory of Elia Martell, this Daycare was opened in her honour

She must have died young, you knew that pain. Your heart went out to her family.

You surveyed the space, it looked intensely homey, there was a big unit packed with kids shoes and bags, big cubbies with names written on them. A big community notice board filled with flyers and local news.

There were sunflowers everywhere, the whole space was bathed in a yellow glow that made it look like part of the sun was stashed away. The brightness of it was lovely, and it shooed away the fear you had at being separated from your son slightly. You had a good feeling about this place.

A woman came at the sound of the door with a big smile on her face. Her gauzy dress floating behind her as she walked over to you excitedly as you got your son out of his stroller. You couldn’t help but smile back at her - she seemed so friendly.

“Good morning! I’m Ellaria, I believe we spoke over the phone.” She hugged you tightly and her openness shocked you, but you quickly recovered and smiled back at her, introducing yourself formally. She looked down at your son and waved at him.

“It’s nice to meet you Ellaria, this is Mylo.” You turned Mylo to face her and she cooed happily at him. He seemed taken with her and you definitely could not blame him. She exuded a calming maternal energy, and she looked like a goddess.

“Hello Mylo, aren’t you just the most handsome little man, may I?” She looked to you for permission before reaching for him. You hesitated slightly but relented. It was better to know now how much crying you’d have to deal with. She took him with grace and bounced him as she held him tight to chest.

“Yes you are such a handsome boy, my girls are going to love you.” She spoke into his hair and it made you happy to see her be so tender with him. You felt better about this place by the second.

“Please be welcome, I’ll give you a tour so you can feel better about leaving him here.” She spoke over her shoulder, urging you to follow. So far no crying - this is good.

You walked through to the back of the house to find a big open room, a mountain of toys stacked neatly in one corner. The main play area was closed off with a wooden gate to keep the little ones from roaming out of sight. There was a row of little cots in another corner for nap time, as well as a long table filled with high chairs and a bench for the bigger kids. You could tell kids liked it here. It was still early enough that only a few children were there by now and by the look of them they were Ellaria’s own, they looked just like her.

“We let the children enjoy their time however they choose, we let them colour or play - they can paint or do puzzles. The only thing we don’t let them do is watch tv. They socialize better without sitting in front of a screen. We don’t separate them by age and encourage them to play or learn together. Elia, watch your sisters while I finish the tour.”

She spoke to a girl that seemed to be in her teens before guiding you outside.

“On nice sunny days we bring the children outside, to play in the water gardens, or in the sand. I forgot to mention it over the phone. If you’re not comfortable with Mylo playing in the water he can be kept in the shade.” She smiled, the yard was huge and for a kid it would be paradise. It was essentially a massive in ground kiddie pool with fountains, you could already see Mylo sitting in the water and splashing around excitedly.

“No it’s okay, I can pack him some beach diapers, he’s like a fish this one so he’ll love it here. I’ll get him some sunscreen too and a hat or something so he can be outside.” You smiled imagining his chubby little legs in the water.

“Perfect, that would be lovely I’m sure he’ll be very happy here, won’t you Mylo.” She bounced him a little and he giggled. It was both a relief and an annoyance that he took to this woman so quickly. You pushed that thought away, this is a blessing and you’re projecting your insecurities.

“I’m really glad you gave me the tour Ellaria thank you. I feel much better about leaving him now.” You were sincere, you knew in your heart this woman would care for your child just as well as you would.

“Oh yes he’ll be happy here, my girls will fight over him I can see it now - and I just know Oberyn will love him.” She had a tiny bit of an accent and her voice was lovely, you could listen to her talk all day. “Okay little one let’s get you inside and settled so mama can go about her day hm?” She led you back inside and placed Mylo into the enclosure with a bunch of colourful blocks to distract him. Just like she had predicted - her girls came over instantly to fawn over him and he loved the attention.

“Thanks so much- I’ll be back at around 5:30 to pick him up. I packed him some extra clothes, his pacifier, diapers, rash cream just in case. Everything I thought he’d need- nap time for him is usually around eleven and if he gets fussy he has his blanket in here.” You showed her and she nodded, taking his bag from you.

“No problem, have a great day, we’ll see you later.” You felt good about leaving him there - seeing him happy and distracted with Ellaria’s girls. You managed to make it all the way home before the tears came.

—-

You took the time away from Mylo to be in bed. You’d wanted to lay and do nothing for so long, imagining it would feel better than it did. It never did.

It was silent in your house which was new, no tv, no baby noises, no crying. Just you and the ghost of your husband. An empty bed reminding you of his absence. You laid there in the quiet, aside from the sounds of cars outside your window, seeing your gauzy curtains fluttering in the slight breeze. Dustmotes dancing on the little light you allowed in.

You were glad then that Mylo wasn’t around, that he has a happy place with other children, just the thought of him splashing around in the water and being around Ellaria’s energy made you feel a little better. You had to try harder.

You couldn’t let your grief overwhelm you, you couldn’t let it get in the way of being a good mom. You had to be better for Mylo. For yourself, but it was hard, it was hard to celebrate Mylos firsts without him. When Mylo crawled for the first time you were a wreck for days. When he first laughed, you cried. All of his firsts were daggers to your heart and it wasn’t fair to him.

These milestones which should have been met with joy and excitement, were often met with misery and tears and that had to stop. You vowed that it would, but not today.

Today was for laying in bed in silence.

——-

You ended up getting there a little earlier than you thought to pick up Mylo and you half expected chaos but the children were well behaved. They were playing happily in little groups of twos and threes. Blocks and puzzles, barbies and dolls. So many activities going on at once. Mylo was sitting in a high chair with his back facing you, someone was feeding him something but you couldn’t see them from where you were.

“You’re early! Look Mylo- mamas here!” Ellaria had more energy than you’d seen in women half her age. It was inspiring, truly.

“Your son is a delight. He’s a lovely boy and very well behaved.” You saw his face poke out from behind the high chair then, a handsome man who looked to be in his late 30’s or early 40’s. His smile was infectious.

“I’m so glad to hear he was well behaved.” You spoke truthfully, you were a little worried he’d be fussy all day.

“A perfect little gentleman weren’t you Mylo?” He spoke with such affection, these people were truly suited for this work.

“Hey little man, what are you eating?” You came around to see him and he perked up to hear your voice, his little hands making the grabby signal you loved so much.

“My sincerest apologies if I’m spoiling his dinner, he saw me eating berries and he practically took them out of my hands.” He smiled warmly down at the baby, he was eating the berries happily, juice and seeds smeared all over his face.

“That’s okay, I’m here early anyway, dinner won’t be for a little while and he loves berries. Don’t you little man?” He made the grabby hands again and ignored the mush.

“Okay little one let’s get you cleaned up so you can go home.” Oberyn grabbed some wipes and began carefully getting him somewhat clean. You couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was, his greying hair did nothing to take away from his allure. If anything it made him look distinguished. He got Mylo decently clean, anything he missed would be taken care of at bath time. He barely finished because Mylo got impatient and cried out for you.

“It’s okay I’m here, let’s get you ready.” You thanked him - he had beautiful brown eyes.

It shocked you that you even thought about how attractive Oberyn was. You hadn’t even thought about another man since you got married, and even less so after your husband died. It was a little distressing but you imagined that it was bound to happen eventually. Another first.

You heard a little girl then, no older than six or seven run up to him and call him dad, she looked just like Ellaria and then it clicked. Of course they would be together. That should have been obvious. They had the same slight lilt in their speech- obviously they had come from the same place. You felt a little foolish then, not knowing exactly why.

“See you tomorrow Mylo.” He called out to him, turning to you after to offer you his hand. “It was lovely to meet you, see you tomorrow.” He shook your hand in his big warm ones.

---

“Good morning! Hi Mylo, are you ready to get bombarded by my daughters today?” Oberyn greeted you at the entrance the next day. He stood in a mustard yellow shirt and linen trousers, he looked like the human version of a sun-god and you had to remember to reign in your thoughts; It was very difficult when he smiled at the both of you. Ellaria came at the sound and you felt chastened somehow.

“Good morning! It’s lovely to see you both.” She smiled and Mylo giggled at her. She took him without hesitation from his stroller and it surprised you how comfortable you were with it. He definitely liked her which was a bonus, she held him tightly and he grabbed playfully at her long curls.

Oberyn stood beside the big portrait of the woman you learned was Elia, you saw the resemblance between them then and your heart wilted slightly. He noticed and looked where your gaze was focused. The smile changed, from an open friendliness, to a sad fondness.

“My sister.” he said softly, the pain was evident.

“I’m so sorry, the grief must be immense.” you meant every word, you knew it to be true.

“It is, but it makes me happy to have this place in her honour. I miss her very much.” He spoke with a fondness that wrapped itself around your heart. You still couldn’t talk about your husband and it had been over a year.

“She is with us in spirit my love.” Ellaria put her head on his shoulder and he hugged her warmly. It felt like you were intruding on a beautiful private family moment, even your son looked like he belonged with them. He made the grabby hands at Oberyn - that hurt more than you could have thought. Another first.

“Yes, you and I are going to have fun in the sand today right?” Mylo giggled at the excited faces Oberyn made and it all seemed so natural, so practised - you had to leave. You were suffocating and the tears were coming fast and heavy. You hurriedly kissed Mylos head as they fell and practically ran out the door. This was looking like another day in bed.

You hadn’t made it home before your cell phone was ringing - the name of the daycare centre lit up on the caller id. You took a couple of deep breaths to settle yourself before answering, you were so embarrassed.

“Hello?” You managed to hold back the sniffle.

“Hello dove, I wanted to make sure you’re okay - please let me know if we did anything to make you uncomfortable.” It was Ellaria and her voice sounded so sincere and worried that it compounded the embarrassment. You felt your face grow hot at what they must think of you.

“Hi - yes, I’m sorry about that. I’m so ashamed no no please it was nothing to do with you guys. I’m happy Mylo is with you. He seemed so happy.” You tried to keep your voice neutral but a crack managed to sneak through while the tears fell. You knew she heard you then. She was quiet for a moment.

“Are you sure?” She prodded gently, you took in her meaning. She was asking far more than she was saying with words.

“Yes - thank you Ellaria - I’ll see you at 5:30pm - have a great day.” You hung up before she could hear you falling apart.

--

When you got home you felt hopeless. Would this ever get better? You were so exhausted - it always felt like if you just got a full day of sleep it would clear. The cotton in your brain would finally disappear. It never did, but it didn’t stop you from trying.

You could smell him then, feel his arms around you and it did more to calm you than all the sleep in the world. In the back of your mind you knew this was a dream, but he was here and that’s all that mattered.

You can’t keep doing this to yourself.

He spoke into your hair and you could feel it, you felt the air leave his lungs, he felt sturdy wrapped around you in the nameless place you could only ever find in dreams.

Don’t leave me again - please I can’t do this without you. You knew this couldn’t last and you already dreaded waking up.

I’m already gone. He was slipping away.

How could a dream be so incredibly cruel?

---

The weeks leading up to your return to work went by in a blur, you had too much free time and you seemed to spend every single second of it in bed. Constantly chasing the dreams with him.

When Mylo was home it was easier to focus on him and push your grief away, if only for a little while. He was doing well at the daycare, he was happy to see everyone every morning and it made you ashamed to think that they were better suited to care for him than you were.

You were a dark cloud in this happy baby’s life. You had to get better.

---

The first week back at work was difficult to say the least. The first few days especially.

It was hard to concentrate, you were fatigued and your heart was absolutely not in it. You pushed through though, using Mylo to get you through it. You thought about how happy he was to see you whenever you got to the daycare; Ellaria had told you he was thriving and she was certain his first steps would be any day now. That was a double edged sword but you focused on the good. You desperately hoped it would happen at home and not at the daycare, even though you knew you could never truly be sure.

She was right - it happened three days later. He was standing holding onto the high chair when he turned to you and took a couple of shaky steps. You squealed happily and ran to get your phone, you wanted to show Ellaria. You managed to get him to walk a few steps on camera and you were just thinking how excited the two of them would be to see it when you realized the usual sadness didn’t creep in right away. You tried to shake it away and focused on the joy of your baby boy stumbling his way into being a toddler.

---

“Oberyn! Come look! I knew it, see I told you I could smell your first steps little one.” She beamed at him as she called Oberyn to come see the video you excitedly showed her.

“My goodness look at him, so confident! He’ll be running circles around us soon.” He watched the video with such pride - you could almost imagine he was getting excited for his own child. It was lovely to see.

“I was so happy I had to get it on video to show you.” You spoke to him with a big smile. You noticed the look Ellaria gave you as you spoke to Oberyn, it was a curious look. She looked at you with what could only be described as tenderness. She grabbed your arm in hers and pulled you over to separate you. You were almost scared that she had gotten the wrong idea and was going to scold you but that was crazy, nothing had happened.

“It is lovely to see you smile Dove, I know there is something going on, a sadness. You don’t have to explain, but if you need anything, anything at all - please don’t hesitate to give me a call. This is my number. I mean it - any time. Even if you just want to come for tea on the weekend. You are both welcome here always.” She held onto your arm reassuringly and you felt the sincerity in her words. No jealousy, no animosity, pure love. You managed to keep your emotions in check when you thanked her, truly thanked her for her kindness.

“Okay little man I’ll see you later, have fun and don’t drive everyone crazy.” You kissed him on the forehead as Oberyn held him and the three of you said your goodbyes.

--

It was the little things you noticed at first.

You noticed yourself getting up earlier on the weekends, you woke up before Mylo more often than not which was new. You still had a few bad days scattered here and there but the ratio of bad to good had changed drastically. You caught yourself singing as you cooked a few times and that really shocked you.

When your husband was alive you sang all the time - you never thought you were any good and your husband used to tease you but it was just something you did. You hadn’t done it since he died but every once in a while it bubbled up.

You noticed yourself taking a little bit more care with how you dressed, with your hair, your make-up.

When you had first gone back to work you did the bare minimum. Your clothes and hair were clean, that was as much as you could commit to. Over the last couple of months though you found yourself taking a little more time and a little more pride in your appearance. It felt good to see little glimpses of the woman you used to be, peek her head out more and more.

—-

The thought of Mylos biggest first was weighing heavy on your mind, his first birthday. You thought it best to ask Ellaria, you knew she’d be able to help you throw a little something together - Mylo had grown really close to her girls and you wanted them to be included. She reacted just the way you thought she might when you mentioned it to her.

“Oh but you must celebrate it here! We can throw him a little picnic outside!” She was so excited but you didn’t want to impose.

“You don’t have to do that Ellaria it’s okay, I want to include your girls though, Mylo loves them so much.” You didn’t want her to go out of her way, she did so much for you already.

“Oh nonsense, please indulge me - the weathers been so nice the kids can play in the water gardens! Will you say yes?” She was a hell of a charmer, Oberyn lent his voice to hers and you had no choice.

“Oh yes it must be here, the both of you can spend the day with us, you’d love that wouldn’t you little one?” He spoke directly to Mylo who was all smiles.

“Fine, but please - don’t go too crazy. I will bring the cake and the food.” You tried to put your foot down but they were having none of it.

“Dove the only thing the two of you are allowed to walk through these doors with is a cake. Allow me to take care of the rest.” She was imperious and did not take no for an answer- you couldn’t help but agree.

—-

It was lovely to see Mylo in their care.

He was all smiles, he thrived here. You always knew he was happy here but it lifted your heart to see him with them. He chased after the girls on his little legs, he screamed in joy at them when they tickled him.

What really affected you though, was seeing Oberyn with him.

Oberyn treated him like one of his own. He lifted him in the air, he made funny faces at him, he responded to his baby babble as though they were deep in conversation.

Your husband had been so excited to be a father when you decided to start trying, you liked to imagine that he would have done the same. Mylo deserved a father like Oberyn.

“Oberyn loves him, they’re thick as thieves those two.” Ellaria was watching them with you.

“Mylo really likes him.” You wanted to say more but what could you say to her?

My son is obsessed with your husband and I wish I could have him for my own?

Where the hell did that thought come from? You didn’t want Oberyn? Sure you were attracted, and seeing him with your son did something to your heart that you couldn’t quite put your finger on but him and Ellaria were clearly together and happy.

Plus you weren’t ready to move on anyway. Regardless of Oberyn's status. You tried your hardest to push it out of your mind - Ellaria noticed your silent inner turmoil and you hoped she didn’t take it the wrong way.

“Can I ask you a personal question, Dove? Please be honest I don’t want to offend you.” She held onto your arm like always, she was a very affectionate person and it always made you feel comfortable.

“Yes of course, ask me.” You felt like you knew what was coming and you tried to brace yourself.

“What happened to Mylo’s father?” She asked gently and you saw that she half expected you to avoid the question.

“He passed away, a month into my pregnancy with Mylo.” It hurt so much to say, but it was also cathartic. She had such a calming energy it helped stem the flow of emotions.

“Oh Dove I’m so sorry, that must have been very hard.” She rubbed your hand in sympathy.

“It was, it still is but I’m getting better. I’ve come a long way, believe it or not.” You laughed, it was self-depreciating. She didn’t join in.

“Yes you have, when you first brought him to us I could see the sadness in you. It was bigger than you and almost swallowed you whole. Lately I see it getting smaller and smaller, that kind of grief never goes away. You have no idea how happy I am to see you doing better.” The tears were coming but they weren’t from sadness for once. They were for her, for her kindness towards you and your son. You loved her dearly in that moment. “No tears today Dove, we are celebrating life.” She wiped them off your face and you agreed silently.

Mylo was so happy splashing around in the water it was infectious and you wiped your tears away. You had to put them away for him.

“Look at you little man!” You cooed at him excitedly and he splashed. You sat at the edge of water, taking your sandals off to put your feet in. Oberyn was in the water with the children, he had a pair of swim shorts on so he could sit with them. Mylo was in heaven. He would run to Oberyn, kicking water up into his face as he went and then would burst into excited laughter at the mock-stern face on his arrival. It was lovely to see.

“Show mama how you splash little one - big splashes!” He turned Mylo to you and he showed you excitedly. You smiled the biggest smile you had in you and he kept going. Your legs were soaked and Oberyn was drenched.

It was the nicest day you’d had in so long. The cake was cut, their girls ran around with Mylo while you drank jasmine tea, the food was absolutely delicious.

Oberyn and Ellaria brought out a big gift for Mylo and you had a tiny fight over it. You were so grateful and annoyed that they’d gone out of their way for him.

“It’s nothing! Stop this it’s his birthday of course we got him a present. Enough I insist. Look, he loves it!” She smiled and you shook your head accepting it gracefully.

“He had to have it, we can keep it here so he can use it every day.” Oberyn helped him onto the brand new tricycle and helped him zoom around.

You ended up being thankful you let her talk you into having his birthday there. It was the right choice.

—-

You found yourself thinking about Oberyn more often than not, and it made you feel terribly guilty. Not just for the memory of your husband but for Ellaria. How could you think of him in any other capacity than the owner of the daycare your son went to?

She was so kind to you and you considered her a friend, it felt like a betrayal for you to think of the father of her children this way. You constantly scolded yourself over it.

—

It had been months since Mylos birthday and you felt yourself feeling the big cloud of grief start to fade a little bit. You knew it would never really go away, you had a nagging suspicion that you wouldn’t want it to. As bizarre as it sounded, that intense grief somehow made it seem like it was single handedly keeping the memory of your husband alive.

That didn’t make sense, you knew you didn’t need sadness to keep a part of him close, Mylo was it. He was the physical manifestation of the love between you two.

You used that thought like a mantra. Mylo was it, and he deserved to be happy, he deserved a happy mother and a happy childhood, as happy as you could make it.

Your thoughts of Oberyn persisted however. Sometimes you could swear that his eyes lingered. His smile had a little something in it. It was so confusing and maddening, you felt angry for Ellaria but also an excitement that he could possibly find you attractive. That in itself would cause massive amounts of inner turmoil - an incredible guilt that ate away at you each night when you thought about him. About his kind brown eyes, his dimple- the smooth golden skin.

How could you do this to your husband? How could you do this to Ellaria? It was torture.

You ignored it the best you could.

—-

More time passed, work got better as you slowly felt yourself getting lighter, the fog you constantly found yourself stumbling around in was lifting.

Mylo was talking like crazy, he was growing so much and it felt like you were too.

On a particularly good day you decided to not only do your hair and makeup, but you chose to wear one of your favourite summer wrap dresses to work. You were feeling confident when you walked into the daycare with Mylo.

You heard a tiny gasp when you looked up and saw Ellaria giving you a blinding smile. You felt momentarily self conscious and you wanted to hide but she came over and stopped you.

“Dove you look gorgeous! I love this colour on you! Oberyn does she not look absolutely lovely?” Oberyn was standing behind her and you could see the look on his face as he took you in. It was curious, his eyes were bright and he made you flush.

“An absolute vision - you look radiant.” He wasn’t leering at you, but his look felt very intimate and you felt a little awkward. You tried to convey to Ellaria with your eyes that you were definitely not coming onto her husband but she met you with a knowing look and a wink. You had no idea what she could possibly be trying to convey with that wink but you didn’t want to dwell.

Mylo barreled toward Oberyn and he scooped him up, bringing him close to you so you could say goodbye. When he made his way to the playroom with him Ellaria grabbed your attention.

“He thinks you’re very beautiful, and you are.” She spoke in low tones, it felt like you were gossiping.

“Ellaria - please don’t think I -” she raised her arms with a big smile on her face.

“Don’t even try to apologize sweet girl, I know what you must be thinking. Oberyn and I are not together.” She smiled widely at the look of shock on your face.

“You aren’t? But you call each other my love? You have children?” She laughed, not unkindly.

“Oh we love each other dearly, but we aren’t together any more.” She smiled conspiratorially. “We were together for a long time, and we will always love each other, but we are not romantically involved any more and I am not a jealous woman. Never have been. I want him to be happy.” You could see the truth in her eyes and while it was surprising to find out you’d been wrong about them, it was even more surprising when you understood where this conversation was going.

“Are you playing matchmaker right now?” You were shocked, she could see it written clearly across your face. She smiled at your expression.

“Is that something you’d like sweet girl? I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” The shock was astounding - it silenced you outright.

All those months of guilt over your thoughts about Oberyn, of guilt for Ellaria, for your husband.

“I’ve also seen the way you look at him. No don’t give me that look there’s no reason to feel guilty - he’s a very handsome man and I would think you insane if you told me you weren’t attracted to him.” She smiled at the look of shock on your face.

“Ellaria I don’t know if I’m ready, and looks are just looks.” You were blushing, were your feelings really written across your face like this?

“Dove, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, it’s an option. He’s single, you’re single - you are attracted to each other? What’s the harm? He and I are not together and something tells me your husband would want you to be happy. I know it hurts and you have guilt over the possibility of moving on, but you cannot live in pain for the rest of your life. Open yourself up to love, sweet girl. Promise me you’ll think about it? Whatever you decide.” She sent you on your way with a whole mess of thoughts in your head.

--

You thought about Ellaria’s words for a long time, were you actually ready to date again? Every time you imagined going out with someone it filled your heart with an emotion you couldn’t comprehend, let alone define.

There was excitement yes, you couldn’t lie to yourself about your attraction to Oberyn. All of your interactions with him had been chaste and although you thought you’d seen little glimmers of lingering looks, kind words and casual compliments - you took them in stride. You treated them the same way you treated kind words and compliments from Ellaria. They were just exceedingly nice, affectionate people.

Were you even comfortable dating him? Yes Ellaria had given you explicit permission, and you knew it wasn’t in her to lie for your benefit. Would it be awkward going on a date with him knowing he’d talk to her about it after? Did you care about that? You’d talk to her about it - you knew then. You’d answer any question she had.

Your husbands smiling face popped into your head and it was hard to confront it then, the guilt was a pit you constantly seemed to stumble into.

--

You tried to put it out of your mind but it seemed as though Ellaria and Oberyn had discussed it.

“Come Mylo, say goodbye to mama so we can go and play.” She hurried him along and gave you a wink as she left Oberyn and you to speak.

He smiled at you as you put Mylo’s things into his cubby, your heart was racing.

“I was wondering if you would like to grab a coffee with me tonight?” He came out with it. You let out a huge breath you hadn’t even realized you were holding in.

“I really don’t want to come in between the two of you, I know Ellaria said you aren’t together but it still feels like you’re a family.” You blurted the words and half expected him to take his offer back but he smiled warmly.

“I can understand why you would think that. I assure you, we are not romantically involved anymore. If you are comfortable knowing she will always be an important person in my life as my friend, and the mother of my children then my offer stands. I’d very much like to take you out.” His smile was infectious, the ever present guilt was stomped away by something else.

“Yes, okay - coffee tonight.” It felt like your face was on fire.

“Lovely, Ellaria can watch Mylo - before you object it was her idea.” He saw that the words were on the tip of your tongue and he raised his hands in a conciliatory manner. You didn’t quite know how to feel about then discussing the two of you dating like this. It was mature. It was progressive; Ellaria was the greatest wingman on the planet.

---

The longer the day wore on and the closer it came to the end of the work day - the more nervous you got. It was hard to focus on anything aside from your after work plans.

It had been years since you’d been on a first date and although you were somewhat comfortable around Oberyn - you didn’t think he’d see you in this light, as much as you secretly hoped.

Your stomach was in knots the whole drive there, you touched up the little makeup you had on with some mascara and a tinted lip balm you had in your bag and tried to get your hair under control. When you finally felt you looked presentable enough you walked into the daycare.

Oberyn was waiting at the front, he was dressed casually but it looked good. You had the suspicion that he had his clothes specifically tailored to him. The colours and the cut of his clothes always complimented his body, his skin tone, his eyes.

He smiled brightly at you, holding out his arm to escort you outside.

“Ready sweet girl?” You couldn’t help but smile at his words.

“Yes, are you sure Ellaria will be okay with watching Mylo?” You hesitated momentarily but he pulled you along gently, reassuring you that they would be fine.

“Would you like to walk? It’s lovely out, and the coffee shop is close.” He held you close, holding your hand with his big warm one where it held onto his arm. He smelled wonderful, like citrus mixed with something spicy.

“Yes that sounds nice.” You agreed, the weather was nice enough and it was still bright out. You felt the butterflies in your stomach, your skin tingling where he touched you.

“You look lovely by the way, I should have told you earlier.” He spoke very nearly in your ear and it sent a shiver down your spine. You blushed slightly.

“Thank you, you look great too, I love this colour on you.” You meant it, he had a way of wearing yellow.

“Thank you, I am a bit vain when it comes to my clothing I’m afraid.” He laughed ruefully, you knew then, he definitely had his clothes tailored.

You both spoke about mundane things as you made your way over, it was nice to have a normal conversation that didn’t revolve around your son. As much as you loved him, being a mother wasn’t the be all and end all of your personality.

You ordered a coffee and he ordered a tea and you both agreed to sit outside to enjoy the lovely evening weather. You kept the conversation going, telling each other of your childhoods, your interests. He asked about your work, and about where you came from. You did the same, eventually the conversation got a little more serious. You couldn’t help but ask him about his relationship with Ellaria.

“Ellaria and I met a long time ago, we were so young. We loved intensely and ended up having four daughters. Everything was perfect and we were very passionate with each other until we weren’t. There was no big fight, no deception. No betrayal. We grew apart as lovers and now have a deeper love and respect for each other. I want nothing for the best for her but I am not in love with her any longer. I push her to pursue romantic love as she does for me.” He was all smiles as he spoke and you could see the affection he had for her.

“It’s really lovely of you both to have ended on such good terms, your girls must love having you both so close.” You meant every word, they were lucky.

“They do, we are fortunate that we still enjoy each other’s company and that we ended that part of our relationship on good terms.” He smiled warmly but it faltered a little, you felt him bracing himself and you Instantly knew what was coming. “I know you’ve been through something sunflower, and if you do not wish to tell me about it I understand.” He reached over and grasped your hand in both of his.

“I know Ellaria probably told you, but I didn’t tell her the whole story. We were together for a long time, since we were kids practically. Always knew I'd marry him. We did the engagement, simple wedding, and then decided to have a baby. A month into my pregnancy he died. It was a freak accident at work. Shouldn’t have happened and here we are. We never lived the life we should have lived and I’m raising our son on my own.” You took a deep breath and for once you didn’t completely dissolve from speaking about him.

You felt him squeeze your hand in his and you smiled weakly at him.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, I understand what it is to lose someone unexpectedly.” You could feel his sadness, it was a mirror image of your own.

“Elia, your sister - how long has it been?” You scooted a little closer to him, it felt as though this conversation was a tiny spark. Something small and delicate that needed oxygen and you both needed to breathe your life into it.

“Yes, my Elia, it’s been just over a decade.” He leaned into you and you mirrored his actions, the both of you connected through grief as well as your hands.

“I’m so sorry Oberyn - your daughter - you named her after her?” You realized then.

“Yes, it hurt me to say her name at first but it wasn’t fair to her. Elia would not want me to be afraid to say her name.” He laughed then, lost in the memories of his sister. You both smiled at each other then and you felt a curious lightness. It was strangely comforting to know that you had this bond, as morbid as it was. There was a deep understanding there that most people -thankfully- couldn’t understand.

You laughed, you shared stories of your childhood- you connected and you realized how much you missed this. You missed the company and you missed talking to someone in this way. He tentatively held your hand as you walked home and you flushed at the simple touch.

When you made it back to the daycare a few hours later Mylo was asleep and Ellaria gave you a look that said we will definitely be discussing this later with a conspiratorial smile.

“Please allow me, I’ll walk you both to your car.” Oberyn carefully picked Mylo up out of the little cot he was sleeping in and you were impressed that he didn’t wake up. Hopefully you could do the same when you got home.

You were silent as you made your way out, you felt butterflies now even though the date had gone well.

Is he going to kiss me?

Do I want him to kiss me?

He buckled Mylo into his seat and then turned towards you to open the door for you, ever the gentleman.

“I had a lovely evening sunflower, would you like to see each other again?” You saw that he was hopeful as he asked and you already knew you would have said yes.

“I’d like that, I had a great time too.” You realized then that you lingered, not wanting to get into the car just yet and he took the opportunity.

He leaned in slowly, watching your mouth, lips parted slightly and back up to your eyes and you knew that he was asking permission. You closed the distance and kissed him.

It was a soft kiss, so soft it made your lips tingle. He kept it chaste, not wanting to push it further and you couldn’t express how grateful you were to him for that. He took your hand in his as you got into your car and kissed your knuckles.

“I’ll see you tomorrow sunflower.” He smiled and waited outside until you drove away.

-

The smile wouldn’t go away, not while you carefully brought Mylo in, not while you took a shower before bed. Not even while you lay there in the dark. It was plastered in your face and you felt like a teenager again. You could still feel the kiss as you drifted off.

-

He was hugging you but it was wrong

This didn’t feel like your husband, but you couldn’t let go - the shape of him didn't feel right. You couldn’t see his face, but you did see the yellow swirl of fabric as he wrapped himself around you.

Sunflower - you look lovely

Oberyn? You’re not supposed to be here…This was his space

He’s already gone my love

-

You jolted awake in a cold sweat. The tears were heavy and hot as you remembered, your dreams were always his space. The one place you could see him, you let the grief engulf you then. Knew you needed to wallow in it full for a few minutes before you could even attempt to let it go.

Part of you wanted to run, leave and never come back. Never see Oberyn again, abandon your life here with Mylo and take off just the two of you; but what good would that do? Would it bring your husband back? No. Would it make you happy? No. Could you bear the thought of pulling Mylo out of a place he loved so much over a dream? No.

Oberyn sensed your sadness when you walked in through the door. He had been waiting for you, it made you feel guilty to see him wilt slightly at your expression.

“Sunflower, have I done something to upset you?” He took Mylo into his arms as he spoke to you and you felt even worse then. How could you explain your feelings?

“No of course not - I had a wonderful time yesterday, I just- I don’t know how to explain it…” You tried to convey your feelings but the words failed you.

“Try, I want to try to understand - let us be honest with each other.” He wasn’t upset, he spoke calmly and you could feel that he meant it. He wanted you to open up, so you did.

“Sometimes, when I dream - I see my husband. Yesterday, I saw you and it hurt me… this is insane, I know it’s just a dream, but I felt like I betrayed him. I think I’m going insane.” You heard how it sounded, the embarrassment threatening to eat you alive in that moment and you swore that if he laughed at you then you’d leave and never come back. He didn’t laugh.

“You feel guilty that you saw me instead of him, that I’m somehow replacing him?” He was gently rubbing soothing circles onto you back as he held your son in his arms. You nodded weakly, tears threatening to overflow.

“Sunflower, I can never replace your husband, nor would I want to. I don’t want you to see me as a substitute for him, I want you to see me as I am. My own person and if this goes as well as I hope it will then our relationship will be something new. Not better, not a replacement- something new altogether, something ours. If you feel like you need more time then say the word and we will hold off.” He looked at you with such tenderness, such understanding, you knew in your heart this was right. You had to let the hurt pass.

“Thank you, I don’t want to wait. I don’t want you to replace him either, I want to continue this with you.” Your voice was thick with emotion and Mylo, sensing your mood reached over to hug you. It felt like a catharsis and you clutched at him. Oberyn held both of you and whispered that he too wanted this with you.

You felt lighter as you drove to work, the pain over losing the love of your life would never go away and not seeing him where you expected to hurt more than you thought, but you had to stop this. He would not want you to live your life this way.

-

The two of you continued your shy courting, you went out for dinner a few times - coffee dates and long walks. He took you to museums and art galleries - he never pushed you beyond a kiss here or there and you were grateful for that. It had been a long time since you’d slept with anyone new and you were a bit nervous.

You had asked him to come to your place for dinner, that you would cook for him. Ellaria- like always volunteering to watch Mylo for the two of you. It was nice to have him at your place, he blended right in. No shyness as he made himself at home - helping you with dinner, tidying up as you went along. You made a good team.

He complimented your cooking, and asked if he could take some home for his girls to try which you loved. You were packing up the rest when he came up behind you, his arms encircling you and stopping you from continuing. You couldn’t help but smile, it was so nice to have someone hold you like this.

“Thank you for a wonderful meal, sunflower it was lovely.” He kissed your shoulder and you craned your neck, unconsciously giving him more room which he took advantage of. You could feel his breath ghosting along your skin, it sent pleasant shivers down your spine. You turned to face him and the look on his face was so warm, so inviting - it did something to you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and slowly brought him closer to you, he smiled into the kiss at first, but it disappeared when you licked along the seam of his mouth. He granted you entry and slanted his mouth to better fit yours, taking the opportunity to explore your mouth thoroughly. He dipped you slightly as his hunger for you shined through, it was so good it made you ache, he was a very good kisser and you moaned into his mouth. You grabbed at the back of his head to keep him close while his hands lowered until he boldly grabbed handfuls of your ass. You bit his lip and he groaned into your mouth. He pulled away much too soon.

“I could devour you…” he spoke into your neck, between open mouthed kisses, sucking lightly at the skin below your ear. You felt the arousal pooling in your belly at his words and his kisses and all of a sudden you were desperate for him. You pulled him towards the couch wordlessly and you all but pushed him onto it. You quickly straddled him and kissed him with as much passion and urgency as you could without hurting him. He responded eagerly, matching your intensity. You roughly pulled his clothes and although you could feel his excitement between your legs, he stopped you.

“Sunflower, are you sure?” he gasped when you bit his neck, soothing it quickly with your tongue.

“Yes, I’m ready, I’m so ready..” You kissed him roughly again, conveying just how ready you were by rolling your hips onto him. He quickly moved his arms to take off his shirt, accidentally bumping his head into yours, you both laughed at the absurdity of it. Looking more like teenagers in your urgency to disrobe.

“Are you okay?” you were both laughing as he rubbed at the place where his head connected with yours, smoothing the hurt away from you: in more ways than he realized.

“Yes - a little embarrassed and I feel like we’re both going to have goose eggs in a few hours but I’m fine. Are you okay?” You tried to soothe the pain on his forehead.

His expressions softened a little, he took your hands in his and kissed them.

“Lets try this again.” He slowly took your shirt off and your bra. Then his shirt and held you close to him; he kissed you deeply, the laughter was gone and you felt the arousal again as he trailed his kisses down your body. Your neck, your collarbone, your chest. His tongue licking each nipple like his life depended on it. He was devouring you as promised and you were determined to let him. Your hands held his hair as he continued to kiss and lick at your chest and you couldn’t take it anymore. It had been so long.

You got up and took the rest of your clothes off and he took the opportunity to do the same, the frenzy was back and your eyes widened at the sight of him. Hard and leaking with precum. You hastily climbed onto him, he protested slightly-

“Sunflower, I want to taste you first -” You cut him off.

“We have plenty of time - right now I just want to ride you.” He groaned at your urgency and you grasped him in your hand, pumping him a few times because you needed to touch the velvety skin of his cock. When you finally guided him into you and sat flush to him it was heaven. He was splitting you open and you could have cum just from the noises he made. He grabbed at your ass and helped you roll your hips, the pressure against your clit was almost perfect.

“So tight, so wet for me..” he moved forward quicker than you would have thought, causing you to scramble and clutch at his shoulders. “I’ve got you, I need more.” He lowered you onto the floor in your living room, spreading your thighs wide to settle in between them.

His hips snapped forward again and again and again and the rhythm was tightening and tightening that coil in your belly. You raised your legs to lock them high on his hips - god he was so deep like this - you could barely control the whimpers escaping your mouth with every thrust. He rested his head onto your forehead, the two of you seemingly sharing the same air. It was so good and you were so close, the sound of him slipping into your wet heat over and over was only serving to push you closer towards your climax.

“You’re so wet sweet girl, are you close? I want you to cum, I want to fuck you through your high.” he bit your lip as he spoke and you moaned - all you could do was nod frantically, you were so close. He felt you trying to raise your leg higher and he helped you, leaning onto one arm so he could hook your thigh under the other. You were so open for him and the new angle caused your eyes to practically roll into the back of your head.

“There it is, that’s where you want it huh? Right there? Rub your clit sunflower, make yourself cum on my cock.” he was hitting something white hot and blinding with each thrust and when you obeyed him you came undone, seizing up almost painfully. He didn’t stop. He sped up, chasing his own climax at the rush of your arousal soaking him.

“Can I cum inside?” he was frantic now, his thrusts turning into a steady grind which felt almost sinful.

“Yes yes please, I want to feel you.” you kissed him through it and he fell onto you, you felt him twitching inside of you, felt the cum dripping out of you as he collapsed onto your chest. Both of you breathing hard.

The laughter came then, bubbling up as a giggle at first. Then it was full-throated and it hurt your belly. You had just had sex on your livingroom floor and you felt so light and happy for the first time in so long you couldn’t control it.

He propped himself up onto his elbow to watch you as you laughed, a big smile on his face.

“I sincerely hope that you’re laughing from happiness and not at my performance.” He said it with a grin and you knew he wasn’t at all self-conscious. You slapped playfully at his chest and he snatched up your hand to kiss it. “I love to hear you laugh Sunflower, seeing you like this is wonderful.” he leaned into you and kissed you deeply, making you sigh into his mouth.

“I haven’t felt this way in a long time, I don’t even know what to do with myself.” It almost made you nervous, somehow expecting the other shoe to fall. He saw your emotions written across your face and he pulled you closer.

“Enjoy it, this was good - we both enjoyed it and you deserve to feel good. Now, let’s get up off the floor or I will be useless tomorrow.” He got up, helping you up after. He went to get dressed but you stopped him, pulling him instead towards your room; you pulled him into your bathroom to shower.

As you helped each other wash, you realized how much you missed this kind of intimacy with another person. As he washed your skin, he wasn’t only getting rid of the day, he was washing away part of your sadness, replacing the ache with hope. Hope that this could grow into something bigger, something more serious.

-

Ellaria wouldn’t let you move, you had to keep reminding her that you had been pregnant before and that you were perfectly capable of making yourself tea. She was having none of it.

It was so strange - you never in a million years would have thought that this kind of relationship would have worked but it did. Oberyn had made a commitment to you and was willing to do anything to make you happy - except be away from his children. Which as far as you were concerned was not an option, you wanted him to be there for them. When he tentatively suggested you moving into the big house and helping with the daycare it seemed almost natural. Ellaria was almost like a sister at this point, and you loved their girls like they were your own.

When you found out you were pregnant, you momentarily thought it might be a problem - that he might not want another child but you were wrong in that as well. He was overjoyed. He was over the moon - he was suggesting new names every day. Ellaria was ecstatic. They doted on you constantly. It was unconventional, but it was your life now and you couldn’t imagine it any other day.

“Good morning my sunflower, and just how is the little prince this morning?” he came down to find you drinking your tea, you were really showing now. He kneeled in front of you, the sun shining in through a window - giving him an ethereal glow.

“How are you so convinced it’s a boy? It could be a girl.” You laughed as he lifted your shirt and kissed your belly. The baby kicked, sensing it’s father. He smiled and pressed his cheek to it.

“I just know it’s a boy-” Ellaria cut him off.

“Oh please Oberyn, you know you only make girls.” She laughed, coming over to rub your belly lovingly. “I know you’re a little princess.” She smiled warmly at you.

You laughed to yourself as they discussed the baby, the light making him look like the sun - shining at you.

Sunflowers always turn towards the sun.

---

Let me know if you do not want to be included in all things Pedro

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[i-just-like-goats]

Miya Atsumu x Female Reader

Warnings: none

Summary: The Inarizaki team have all placed bets on when you and your longtime best friend Atsumu will finally get together. Kita is close to losing the bet, time for him to step in.

It is known to all students at Inarizaki High that Atsumu was a lady’s man. Sure he wasn’t a womaniser or a player, but that didn’t stop him from breaking hearts everywhere he went. His mere dismissal of a girl would lead that girl to burst into tears, straight up rejections even worse. His casual flirtatious comments did not at all help with his reputation, leading oblivious girls to believe he actually held interest in them. How wrong they were.

Whereas you. You deemed yourself nothing special. Nothing too flashy, unlike a certain someone. You didn’t stand out in a crowd, and most certainly never attempted to shine or take the spotlight. You left that to your best friend.

Miya Atsumu.

“Hey could you-“

“No.”

“Will you please put in a good-“

“No.”

The first two girls had left, their hopes crushed, you felt relieved they had gone to class until another girl replaced them and effectively disrupted your short lived peace.

“Y/N!” She said, her voice oozed with fake sweetness.

“Do I know you?” You asked bluntly.

“We sit next to each other in chemistry, silly. Don’t you remember?”

“And?”

“So I was wondering if I could ask you a favour?”

“If it’s homework we had none. If it’s class work I’ll send you my notes. If it’s anything else; leave me alone.”

“I just need you to give this little gift to At-“

“Not interested.”

With that you swiftly walked away, which left the unnamed girl open mouthed with shock. This was the daily routine you had to put up with. Reject all of Atsumu’s fan girls who approached you in order to reach him. Truth be told it was extremely tedious, but you couldn’t really complain - after all you were the one who befriended him. It was a small price to pay for being friends with him.

“Hey I was wondering if you could set me up with Atsumu?” A different girl asked.

Scratch that it wasn’t small. At all. It was a big price to pay. Very tedious. Very irritating. Very time consuming. By the time you reached your first class - English - you were already exhausted and plopped yourself into your seat.

“Don’t you look wonderful?”

“Well you wouldn’t look so hot either if you had to fight off Atsumu’s admirers in the space of one morning.”

Osamu noticed your sharp tone and held his hands up in mock surrender. You shook your head at him and started writing down what your teacher was saying.

Lunch came around and you made your way to your usual table next to your best friend.

“There’s my favourite best friend!”

All eyes were on you as you made your way to Atsumu. Some looked with contempt. Some with envy. Others with anger. All harboured ill feelings towards you. He had that certain look in his eye when you walked over to him, like you were the greatest thing in the world. His smile widened once you took the seat across from him, Atsumu’s eyes sparkled with joy as though it was his first time seeing your face again. Suna scoffed at his expression, not before taking a sneaky picture of proof about how much Miya Atsumu was whipped for Y/N L/N.

“Where were you all morning! I missed you so much,”

“I was dying,”

Silence. Atsumu tilted his head in confusion. Next to him, his twin stifled a laugh.

“Bro, your girlfriend here was busy fending off the wild animals that make up your fan club. She had no time to see your stupid face, and the last time you saw her was yesterday,”

Everyone in proximity of your table tensed up at Osamu’s words. From the table next to yours, Atsumu’s fan girls glared daggers at you.

“Yesterday was ages ago,” Atsumu whined.

“That’s what you focus on?” You ask incredulously.

Instantly Atsumu’s demeanour changed and he glanced to his left.

“Way to go Osamu, now Y/N’s on their hit list,” Atsumu said dryly.

“Well if you didn’t flirt back none of us would be in this mess,” Kita kindly passive aggressively informed his teammate.

Ever since Atsumu’s first official match, girls had been flocking to Atsumu like a swarm of bees to their queen. Every day the Inarizaki volleyball team had to deal with squealing fan girls gushing over Atsumu’s talent for volleyball, essentially distracting the players and disrupting practice. At first Atsumu shamelessly flirted back, basking in the attention, now he, as well as the others were fed up. In short, Kita was tired. Tired of the fan girls. And most importantly tired of the fact that you and Atsumu weren’t dating yet. At this rate Kita would lose the bet that Osamu and Suna had coerced him to take part in. He had bet that you and Atsumu would be dating by the end of the month, which was this Saturday, and the way things were going between you two, he’d probably have to ask you out himself for Atsumu in order to win the bet. On the other hand, Osamu bet that Atsumu would ask in their third year, Aran bet that you would actually ask instead of Atsumu and Suna bet that Atsumu would ask at the end of next month. It was decided that the losers would do what the winner wanted for a day, with no complaining whatsoever. A whole day of getting the team to do what he wants without complaints. A dream come true for Kita.

“It’s the end of the month on Saturday. Two days,” Osamu sing songed.

“So?” You asked.

“Oh, nothing,”

You dropped it and shrugged. Opposite you, Kita sent a saccharine smile towards Osamu, while the latter playfully smirked back. Kita had a plan.

Two day passed as usual, nothing significant happened; that is until the end of the second day. As usual, you made your way out of Physics with Atsumu; your best friend filled in the silence with his cheerful chatter. Unusually, Kita stood there at the end of the corridor.

“Hey cap! What brings you here?” Atsumu inquired.

Kita seemed to snap out of whatever was bothering him, for his face returned from his previous scrunched expression to his more neutral expression.

“Hm? Oh I came here to speak with Y/N. If that’s alright with the two of you?”

You nodded, though intrigued as to what Kita wanted to talk to you about, Atsumu on the other hand stayed silent. Before you left with Kita, he crushed you with a hug and sent puppy eyes at your retreating figure, walking next to his captain.

During the walk out of school grounds, Kita mentally prepared himself to convince you to ask Atsumu out, allowing both his and Aran’s plan to work, so that the pair won the bet - Kita was too engrossed in his thoughts. A while passed before you and Kita spoke; you were already halfway home before you confronted Kita.

“Kita?”

“You have feelings for Atsumu, don’t you?”

Kita panicked at your sudden dialogue and spoke the words that first came to his mind. His panic was not conveyed through his steady tone of voice. Truth be told, it was more of a statement than a question, it certainly caught you off guard. The latter half of the sentence seemed to be added hastily as though to soften the bluntness.

“What makes you say that?” You answered evenly, and turned your face away from him, a small blush settled firmly on your cheeks.

“Answering my question with a question I see,” he teased, “Everyone knows, the both of you don’t hide your feelings very well, it surprises me that you two aren’t dating yet,”

“I know he has feelings for me, I’m not an idiot, I see the way he looks differently at me and I see how he’s more clingy towards me than the others. I’m not an idiot,” you repeated.

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“I don’t know,”

“I think you do know. Idiot,”

You pouted and let out a huff.

“Fine. Fine,” you finally conceded, “I’m not an idiot but I am a coward. I guess - as cliché as it sounds - I don’t want to ruin our friendship. What if it doesn’t work out and we end on bad terms? Years of friendship would be wasted and gone in an instant. I just. I just don’t want to risk that happening,”

“What’s life without a little risk,”

At Kita’s attempt at lightening the mood, you scoffed and shook your head.

“Sorry, that was unlike me. What I meant to say was you won’t know until you try. Sure there is that possibility that the relationship may end badly and the precious friendship between you and Atsumu would probably be lost, but there is also a chance that this relationship will end happily, with no heartbreak. I can’t guarantee that everything will be peachy; obviously there’s going to be some problems along the way but knowing your stubborn personality I am confident that you will fight for you and Atsumu, because I know you care way too much for him to let him go,”

Kita’s speech surprised you, this was the most encouraging thing he had said to you. Ever. You smiled.

“Thanks Kita. I really needed that,” you said as you finally reached your house.

Kita made his way to his house, waving as he walked down the steeet. He left you with a lot to think about.

Later that evening you called Kita again, and talked until he decided that it was time to go to sleep.

That morning you walked to school with Kita in a comfortable silence. Once you reached school you spoke.

“Ok I’m going to do it,”

“Yes you will,” Kita encouraged.

Confidently you walked up to your long time best friend, then suddenly turned the other direction.

“I can’t do it,” you cried out.

Exasperatedly, Kita shook his head and forced a strained smile.

“Y/N do you want to do this or not?”

“I do,”

“Then go get him,”

“I’ll do it while we walk home,”

Anyway, the school day passed, honestly you couldn’t remember what happened, it was all a blur.

“Atsumu?” you called.

“Yup?”

“Do you want to walk home together?”

“Yes! I’m still kinda annoyed you walked with Kita, Kita of all people instead of me,”

“Sorry about that ‘Tsumu,” you replied bashfully.

With that you both made your way out of school. Little did you know Kita, Osamu, Suna and Aran followed you both from a distance. Osamu and Suna because they just wanted to go home. Kita and Aran to make sure you confessed.

“Get ready to do what we want for a day,” Kita stated.

“What do you mean ‘we’?” Suna questioned.

“Kita and I formulated a plan,” Aran answered cryptically.

“Guys shut up Y/N stopped walking,” Osamu whisper shouted.

You had indeed stopped walking, leaving Atsumu to carry on walking and talking. You had been quiet the whole walk, which wasn’t unusual, as you normally let Atsumu talk, while you listened. You were just too lost in your thoughts.

“Y/N?”

Atsumu had finally noticed that you were no longer by his side.

“Hellooo. Earth to Y/N,”

“I like you,”

Atsumu was taken aback. That was not a reply he was expecting.

“I just really like your smile, your personality even though you can be quite big headed at times, I like your laugh, I just like you for you, not in the way that those girls like you for your looks and skills. I like everything about you even your flaws,”

“Whoa, for real?”

You glanced at his expression and burst out laughing.

“You look like surprised Pikachu!” you wheezed out.

Atsumu joined in with your laughter. The two of you continued laughing for several minutes.

“I like you too,” Atsumu said once both your laughter finally died down.

You turned your gaze towards his eyes. His beautiful eyes that held all the stars in the galaxy.

“That’s a relief,” 

[loousir]

[Satyr} Insecurities

Soft Male Presenting NB Satyr x Male Reader

Dakota

Warnings: Dakota get comforted by you after a sudden breakup and you end up confessing, they realized they like you too, mentions of alcohol (tho not explicitly stated other than beer), two faced boyfriend (now ex)

Masterlist

---------------------------------------------------------

Currently, you are on your way to third wheel for your best friend, Dakota. This guy that Dakota was dating was one that you really did not like. He was all sweet and kind around Dakota but the second they turned their back, he was a complete jerk. You knew you should tell Dakota but they just looked so happy being with this guy that you didn't want to ruin this momentary happiness.

Anyhow, both of you were walking down the street to a small yet busy pub that he had asked Dakota to meet. Dakota had asked him if you could come and he said yes but you knew he would have said no if that didn't ruin his "perfect boyfriend" image. You developed feelings for Dakota years ago, long into your friendship with him but you never confessed. You knew they didn't feel the same so you decided to just try to be the very best friend you could be.

Dakota pointed out the place you two were going and you followed them up to the front door. You opened it for them and they almost instantly spot their boyfriend, going over to him and hugging him. You smiled a sad smile and looked at the two before joining them at their table. He had sent Dakota off to get drinks for the three of you. "How have you been (R/n)?" He looks over to you with a not glare for once. "I'm breaking up with him."

Your eyes widened slightly. "What?" He nods. "Yeah I got hit pretty hard in the face with reality after the last time we met." His whole demeanor had changed from what it was before. You tried to say something but Dakota came back with a beer bottle and two glasses. They set one of the glasses down in front of you and handed the bottle to their soon to be ex who's demeanor went back to perfect boyfriend mode.

You smiled at Dakotas smile before taking a drink of what they got you. "Ah, (R/n)! Did you see the new episode yesterday? It was so good!" Dakota said before going on to ramble about bits and pieces. (R/n) smiled and nodded, chatting about said episode with Dakota.

A few minutes had past with the three of you talking before (R/n) decided it was time to bring the bad news. "Dakota." They looked up to (R/n) who looked like he just accidentally kicked a puppy. Dakota noticed and went to grab his hands to ask what's wrong but he pulled away. You looked away out of courtesy but still listened in. "I'm sorry Dakota. I dont think we can be together anymore. Its really me, not you. You've been nothing but good to me and I want you to be happy but it can't be with me."

"Maybe we'll see each other around. Don't worry about paying for drinks, I'll cover it on the way out." He said standing up to leave. Dakota couldn't seem to process what what happening as they watched their now ex-boyfriend walk away. "Kota, let's go." You said standing and grabbing their hand.

They didn't move but instead started to shake slightly. "Dakota, please." You pulled them up and practically dragged them out of the pub and stopped when you were a block away from it. Dakota hadn't said a word but held on tightly to your hand. "Do you wanna go back to your house?" You asked, looking to them. They nodded softly, more hair moving to cover their usually covered eyes.

You squeezed their hand gently as the two of you walked back to Dakotas place. It wasn't too far from the pub so neither of you saw the point in taking the car. After a few minutes of walking, Dakota stopped, making you look back. "Im... S-so sorry... I... I cant..." They tried to say something but ended up almost collapsing, legs shaking like crazy. You caught them before they could and opted to carry them the rest of the way.

Dakota holds onto you and cries into your neck. You gently rub the back of their head and whisper reassuring words into their ears. After a few more minutes of walking, you make it to the house and carefully unlock the door and close it behind you before taking them upstairs to their bedroom. "I'll go grab some water. I'll be right back ok?"

You head back down stairs, lost in thought as you grabbed water from the fridge before heading back up. You didn't expect to see what you did though.

Your body stood ridgid with shock. Standing in front of you, staring back with wild and afraid eyes was your best friend of 5 years. They looked like they were wearing pants but they weren't. Their legs were covered in dark brown fur, same colour as their hair. Your eyes followed the soft digitigrade shape down to the cloven hooves in place of feet. A small tail to match laid tight against their body.

"Dakota..?"

You breathed out hesitantly. They seemed to snap out of whatever trance they were in for a moment and they started to shake. "Hey... Hey whats wrong?" You asked as you very slowly approached them, as if the wrong step could send them sprinting away. They didn't say a word and you eventually got to their side. You very carefully grabbed their hand but they pulled it away faster than you could blink.

They looked at you with such fear that you could barely even tell if it was your sweet Dakota anymore. A tense moment passed as you had seen his eyes for the first time. You gently took their hand again and pressed their palm against your chest. They could feel your heart pounding, theirs was probably just as fast. You and Dakota had this thing where if one of you were panicking, the other would place a hand on the heart of the one whos panicking. It usually ended with a hug but it was really just a comfort thing that Dakota had started with you when they had a panic attack in public. Once they had seemed to realized, some lever must have flipped as they pulled you into a tight hug.

"(Y/n)..."

You hugged them back, gently placing a hand on the back of their head to keep them close. A silent minute had past before you felt your shoulder getting wet again. "I'm so sorry." It was barely a whisper but you heard it. Neither of you said a word after that. Dakota pulled their head out from the crook of your neck and rested their forehead against your chest.

"I didn't want you to find out like this..." Their voice was small as they spoke, hands gripping tightly to the back of your shirt. You carefully set a hand on their cheek, coaxing them to look up to you. Their eyes were red and slightly puffy from crying. The bright green, almost yellow irises stood out against their pink-ish scleras. "Your eyes are so beautiful." You mumbled out without thinking.

Dakota blushed and looked away. "I know you probably don't wanna talk so let's sit down and I'll go first." You lead them over to the bed and both of you sat down. "Judging by your reaction you didn't want me knowing about the whole... Lower half thing." You paused to look at Dakota who nodded. "Sorry." You said, still processing everything. Dakota shook their head. "N-no... I..."

"I don't know what to say..." Dakota said with a heavy sigh. "It's ok. You don't have to say anything-" They cut you off before you could continue. "(Y/n) I've lied to you for 5 years about it! Of course I have to say something!" You looked away from them and sighed. "I would be lying if I said it didn't upset me that you never told me what you were." Without hesitation, you grabbed Dakotas hand again, staring at it as they let you intertwine your fingers. "But I always had a feeling you weren't exactly human anyways... Of course I wanted to know but I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable around me."

Dakota looked to your eyes, tears welling up in theirs again. You could see that they wanted to apologize for not saying anything but you just shook your head. "Kota, I could care less that your a Satyr. If anything I like you even more." You mumbled the last part but they still heard it anyway, signaled by the blush that rose to their cheeks yet again. Dakota placed their free hand on your cheek and made you look back to them.

"I love you so fucking much Kota. You don't even know. I'm sorry. This is probably a lot on top of me finding out about probably your biggest secret and the... Y'know." Dakota shook their head. "Its all been so overwhelming. I'm honestly surprised I haven't passed out yet." You let a small huff of a laugh pass as they pulled your face closer to theirs. "You seemed to have calmed down a lot." You mumbled out.

Dakota nodded. "Yeah. I guess I'm... Relieved... I've known you long enough that I know you when you aren't feigning truths." They pause for a moment. You took this moment to observe their tear stained face. "(Y/n). I dont ever want you to leave me." Their voice had been shaky since you found out about them being a Satyr but it was even worse when they said that. "I couldn't truly live if you weren't in my life Kota."

They looked at you with wide eyes. "Sorry, said something weird didnt-" You were cut off by a pair of soft lips against yours. You carefully kissed back, tangling your hand in their soft, fuffy hair. The second both of you pulled away, Dakota smiled and pulled you into a tight hug. "Kota-" "I think him breaking up with me was the best decision ever." You furrowed your brows, really confused.

"What? Why? I though you two were happy together." Dakota nodded. "I was happy. But I also saw how unhappy you were. A-and it made me realize... Just how much I wanted to make you happy because you make me happy." You couldn't say anything but just looked at them with surprise. "Can I... Can I kiss you?" You asked quietly. Dakota laughed and nodded, pulling you into a kiss.

Your hands decided to test the waters a bit and you gently ran a hand through the soft fur that coat their leg. They shivered and gripped onto your shirt, leaning into the kiss more. You pulled away and let your hand linger on their thigh. "Did... Did you really mean it when you said that you liked me more knowing I was a Satyr?" You blushed and laughed awkwardly while looking away. "Yeah... I didn't realize I said that out loud."

Dakota let out a gentle laugh and pulled you into a tight hug. "Let's take a nap, I'm tired after crying so much..." You nodded and kissed their neck softly as the two of you laid down.

"Please stay by my side."

I originally started this one shot at the paragraph that starts at "Your body stood ridgid with shock." so sorry if everything above it seemed weird-

---

1890

[sdvharveybby]

How the Bachelor’s write love notes

Inspiration for this was the fact that I made another bachelor batch, but it got angsty, and I thought- I can’t do this yet. I haven’t cultivated enough of a following that deems this necessary yet.

Anyways!! I hope you guys enjoyed this because I loved writing it!! They are all so adorable. I love having the bachelors so goofy and sweet. Honestly, they’re all so unique too. 

Also, I am open for asks.

There was a person who requested Alex Fluff Prompt #16 and if you read this- send me another ask. I made yours angsty and I didn’t realize that yet until I was putting on chapstick and then it hit me. I’d like to do yours over. THANKS BBY

Alex

His love notes to you always have something to do with muscles or working out. Like, “I think your muscles are bigger than mine, but I still love you.” Like Alex truly means well, but he has no idea on how to make a proper love note. His note is also part scribbles- almost like he rushed it, but you knew he wracked his brain for probably a good hour. He doesn’t make rough drafts- he just writes it and goes, “Yeah, that’s good.” Even reading it though, you can feel that he really tried and that alone makes you happy. He’s always been about his strength and training every second of the day, but the fact that he sat down to write you a note about how much he loves you, c’mon. The lad really does what he can, and it’s adorable every second of the day.

Sam

His love notes almost always have a little doodle next to them. He draws like a goofy version of himself and you with a heart in the middle. He draws himself with Goku hair too. Sometimes he’ll write an adorable love note though that generally goes like, “You look as beautiful as my guitar” or “I’m comfortable enough to sing around you.” He’s always goofy and happy, the optimistic guy that wants to put a smile on your face and laugh instead of- aww!! You’d always see him out of the corner of your eye too- poking his head around the corner to see your reaction. And when you finish reading it, he would always come barreling into the room giving you a big hug and asking, “What did you think of it?”

Sebastian

Sebastian can really pull a 180 on you. Sometimes he makes thoughtful love notes that pull at your heart strings- the kind that makes you run and give him a big kiss. But also, he can make love notes that make you go, “wtf” and make you laugh. You never know what kind of specific mood he’s in when he writes these- you just have to open them up see what’s inside. Like a surprise egg, but a folded piece of paper. He always signs his love notes with a big heart that’s colored in black- no matter what the note is. It could be, “I saw a frog that looked like you today” or “You’re the light at the end of my tunnel. I love seeing that bright light every day.” You can tell he actually has a way with words, but sometimes you’ll find a love note that’s a quote from Cave Saga. It’s sweet enough that he’d write it to you, but you wonder if he knows that you read them too.

Harvey

Pfft, this man just scribbles. As a doctor his signature just cultivated into a mass of scribbles and half the time you must have him read the love note to you. He just pours his heart onto paper too, almost like he cried while writing it (it sometimes makes you cry though.) Sometimes it’s better to have him read it to you though, because you can really feel his emotion as he’s reading it. He eventually gets good enough that he can write you love notes that you can actually read, and he always seals the note with a heart sticker. You’ll get the, “I’m so unbelievably lucky to have you. Some days I wish I could lay in bed to watch how peaceful you sleep. You’re so cute, and some days I wonder why you chose me. I love you to no end and I can’t wait to grow old with you (although I’m already there.)” And he signs it with, ‘Love, your faithful husband, Harvey’ When he’s in a particular goofy mood though he’ll write, “Thanks for performing heart surgery on me yesterday. I was wondering why my pulse would pick up every time I saw you…” with a smiley face at the end.

Elliot

Oh, man. This guy knows how to write love letters. He can write the short but sweet, the long and passionate, and poetry love notes. He easily pours himself onto each and every love note. The, “You have captured beauty that is otherwise unobtainable” kind of notes you’d read and sign each love note with, ‘Sincerely, your love struck husband.’ Rarely when he gets writers block though- he would just fill the note with a ton of hearts varying in size and colors. Sometimes you’d wake up to a love note that was a few pages long. You’d spend your morning drinking amazing coffee made by him and reading it. It would easily bring a tear to your eye because his way with words is unlike anything you’ve ever read. It would always grant him a big, long hug from you that he would just drink in the affection. His notes were like the big hugs that he gave, just comforting and warm. It was like safety and security on a piece of paper.  

Shane

He… does what he can. His love notes always cracked you up because you’d get the, “You smell” kind of notes, but if you flipped the note over it would finish with, “good.” He just loved teasing you with his love notes, and he didn’t give them out often. You’d get the, “You sleep weird.” Flip it over, “stop it.” It was a running theme with him, and you’d eventually start leaving him love notes like that too. He’d sign each love note with whatever he felt like. Sometimes it was, “I’m hungry” or “I stink today. I need to shower” and that’s just how it was. He was goofy and you were here for it. He’d like to leave the note in random places too, your jacket pocket, in your hood, or crammed into one of your winter gloves- when he made it in spring. You just cannot expect, for the life of you, what he will do. The pleasant surprise always makes you smile though… and laugh.

[songbirdstyles]

good vibrations.

summary: it’s a bit more difficult than you’d expected to maintain a relationship with your professor, but you and harry try your best, anyway. (sequel to when i kissed the teacher)

pairing: professor!harry styles x reader

warnings: smut, angst & fluff! m + f receiving oral, facesitting, 69ing. gross frat boys :-(

word count: 14.3k

song inspo.: good vibrations - the beach boys

The first thing you feel when you wake up is a slight jolt of panic.

Your eyes open slowly, staring at the ceiling above you, and that - in itself - is normal. But there’s something heavy wrapped around your waist and a soft aroma of men’s cologne and that’s when confusion settles into your bones.

It lasts a few mere seconds but it’s enough to make you sit up, leaning back against the headboard and rubbing your fists into your eyes. Harry’s arm, firm around your torso just seconds before, drops to your lap, and your eyes follow the path down his arm and to the rest of him. Perhaps it’s strange, gazing at him as he sleeps, unaware of your gaze, but it’s hard to help yourself.

His hair is messy, curls sticking up everywhere, and his face is buried into the pillow your head had just been on. He’s also naked, the duvet falling to just above his bum, and as your eyes trail down the expanse of his bare back, taking particular note of the light pink scratches adorning the top, that’s when the night prior finally comes back to you. Being eaten out against the wall, a playlist made of pure love, his hands on your face as he promises this isn’t a one time thing.

Your professor, fucking you so hard that there’s still a slight ache between your thighs. 

You exhale, dropping your head back against the headboard. The thought overwhelms you, momentarily, but you don’t have too much time to dwell on it before you feel Harry stirring besides you, his arm leaving your lap as he rolls over onto his back. His eyes open slowly, squinting as he adjusts to the sunlight streaming through the window, and then he looks at you and the smile that upturns his lips could make you tear up.

“G’morning, baby,” Harry murmurs, voice throaty and quiet. “Hope you had a nice sleep.”

You grin as you watch him slowly sit up, stretching his arms above his head. “It was alright,” you tell him, pausing to yawn. “Your bed is much more comfortable than the one in my dorm.”

“I’m sure.” You scoot forward, and just as Harry turns his head to look at you you lean in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. They’re dry and you’re sure yours are too - it’s not as though you’d been concerned with putting on lip balm the night before - but it’s perfect, made even better as he presses his hand to your back, pulling your body closer into his, running his tongue along your bottom lip.

A soft moan falls from your lips and he pulls back, nails running along the back of your neck and sending a shiver down your spine. “So needy. S’only 8 in the morning, too.”

You push yourself to your knees and sink into his lap, feeling his hard on against your thigh that proves he’s just as needy as you are, even at 8 in the morning. “Can’t help it,” you mutter, leaning in to press your lips to the underside of his jaw. His head drops back, giving you more room to work as his hand creeps up from where it had landed on your hip to your chest, kneading your right breast in his hand while you work at suckling a hickey into his soft skin. When his fingers tweak at your nipple you pull your mouth away to moan and examine the mark you’d made, brushing your thumb over it lightly. You hadn’t gotten the chance to mark him up last night, save for the scratches that decorated his back, but you’re more than happy to make up for any lost time now. “I miss you, professor. Everything about you. It’s been too long.”

He chuckles, trailing his other hand down to run a finger through your folds, collecting your wetness at the tip of his finger and focusing it on your clit. He presses down and then rubs a slow circle into the sensitive nub, smirking as you whimper at the sensation. “It has been too long. Nearly 10 hours, can’t imagine how you - fuck.”

Your hand had snaked down, wrapping around his member and swiping your thumb over the tip of him. Harry leans in, pressing his lips to your neck, teeth grazing against your skin as you slowly jerk him off, pumping your hand up and down his cock. You think - or you hope - that you can give of some sort of facade of being experienced at this, of knowing exactly what you’re doing, because you truthfully have no idea. You’d never given anyone a handjob but Harry’s finger, rubbing your clit slowly, stutters as he breathes out a groan, and you hope that means you’re doing a good job.

Two of his fingers slip inside your cunt entirely too easily, and you whine at the feeling. Harry curls his fingers upwards, brushing against the sweet spot that has your eyes rolling back into your head. You’re both too worked up for any type of foreplay, you can tell, and so you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling his face into yours. Your lips connect, teeth clashing against each other, and when he pulls his fingers out of you, resting both hands on the globes of your ass, you reach down and replace your grasp on his cock, lining it up with your positively dripping entrance before sinking onto him fully.

The burn is a lot less prominent than it had been yesterday but you still hesitate - Harry groans lowly and you exhale, waiting for the ache to morph fully into pleasure before lifting your hips and sinking back down onto him. You swear you can feel traces of him in every crevice of your body, feeling so impossibly full and yet so desperate for more. His hands grip your bum, helping you lift yourself up and down, shaky grunts and moans escaping his mouth whenever you roll your hips just right against his.

It’s slower and less intimidating than it had been the night prior, his hips lazily bucking up into yours, now that you’re not so worried about being able to fit him inside of you. And the noises Harry makes spur you on - throaty cries nearly louder than yours - as you drag your hand down your stomach and rub circles into your clit, slow and gentle, because you know you’re not going to need much to send you over the edge. 

“So fucking tight around me,” Harry breathes, teeth nibbling at your bottom lip as his palms smooth over your ass. “Fuck, baby, clench around m’cock, yeah, feels so fuckin’ good -”

Your fingers press harder on your clit and you can already feel your orgasm creeping up on you, and when you rock your hips into Harry’s, feeling his cock brush against your G spot, you toss your head back with a desperate cry, cunt fluttering around him as pleasure rips through your body in waves. Eyes roll back into your head and your nails dig into the back of his neck, pulling his head in to kiss you senseless. With one final grunt and a moan of your name, Harry bucks his hips up, pressing himself as deep inside of you as he can get. The feeling of his cum, shot inside your throbbing pussy, shouldn’t feel so spectacular but God it does and you whine at the feeling, bringing both of your hands up to the back of his head and wrapping your fingers in his curls as you roll your hips back and forth halfheartedly. Merely trying to ride him through his orgasm, and finally Harry presses both of his sweaty palms to your face and pulls you in to kiss him again.

You could kiss him all day. You’ve kissed significantly more people than you’ve fucked (which amounts to a grand total of 2) and you’ve never enjoyed it with anyone as much as you love it with him. Harry makes it interesting, you reckon, hands always going in different spots and making different noises and you could, truly, do it all day.

For a moment the two of you sit there after you’ve pulled your heads away, Harry’s arms wrapped around your back and holding your body to his in a rather intimate hug. Your nails scratch at his scalp, pressing your chin into his shoulder as his fingers trace patterns - tell stories - on the soft skin of your back. Yes, you could stay here forever and be quite happy about it but just as the thought resides in your mind your stomach growls in defiance and Harry laughs at the noise.

“Don’t laugh,” you tell him, voice faux angry as you pull back from him with a smile. “Didn’t have anything to eat last night.”

“Really?” He raises an eyebrow and you nod. “So what did you do before I picked you up?”

Your cheeks heat as you struggle to find your voice to respond, clearing your throat before saying, “Keeping m’self busy, I guess. Now can we please make breakfast?”

 --

 Twenty minutes later you’re seated at Harry’s kitchen table, collecting forkfuls of cheesy eggs on your fork and shoveling them into your mouth to appease your overtly ravenous appetite, listening intently to the music coming from Harry’s phone in the kitchen. It’s a song you recognize from the playlist he’d curated the day prior - Happy Together by the Turtles - and you can’t help the smile from bleeding across your face at the sound.

Besides that, though, and the sounds of your forks scraping your plates, the two of you sit in silence for a moment. Beneath the table your feet knock into his - you’d begun swinging your feet out of slight nervousness but it’s grown into the need to see the small smirk that decorates his lips everytime you kick him gently. 

When the song changes from The Turtles to And I Love Her by the Beatles, you glance up at him again and then rest your fork on your plate. “Y’know, this is a really nice playlist.”

Harry looks up at you, brows furrowed, and then smiles, and the sight of his dimples makes your heart just about melt. “Well, thank you, baby. Put a lot of effort into it.”

Part of you wants to say it only took you ten minutes but you just nod and tell him, “But I think you might’ve added too many Beatles songs.”

“There’s no such thing,” he says, and you raise your eyebrows. “S’not my fault they’ve written some of the greatest love songs of all time.”

You snort, then, leaning back in his (oddly comfortable, considering the quality of that in his office) kitchen chair. “Sexy Sadie is not one of the greatest love songs of all time.”

He pauses at that, forkful of eggs hanging barely an inch from his mouth. “Well, maybe not that song, but -”

“10 Beatles songs out of 45 is rather excessive.” You giggle as he stands abruptly, marching into the kitchen and returning seconds later, phone in hand, still blaring the Beatles as if in defiance. “What’re you doing now?”

Harry sits back down, scrolling through his phone. You stand up, moving around the table until you’re beside him, and you bend down to look at what he’s doing.

“What song d’you think should replace Sexy Sadie, baby?” Harry asks you, turning his head to where yours is a mere few inches from his. “Since you don’t seem to think that one is very romantic.”

You roll your eyes. “You’d be hard pressed to find a single person who considers that song to be the height of love, professor.” 

“Yeah, right.” Briefly Harry rests his phone flat on the table and pushes his chair back, patting his thighs, and you try not to look too pleased as you wiggle into his lap. With his arm firm around your waist and his chin on your shoulder you pick his phone back up, scrolling through Spotify.

“I don’t think you have Good Vibrations on that love playlist, Harry,” you decide. Just to confirm your suspicion you go back into the playlist, scrolling through all 45 songs and - as you’d thought - the lack of Good Vibrations is odd to you. “And that, professor, may just be the best love song of all time.”

He hums as you add the song to the playlist. “Better than Somebody to Love?”

You shrug, sticking out your bottom lip as you flick through Spotify. “That song just makes me sad, sometimes. And you don’t even have that, either.”

“I definitely do!”

“Nope,” you tell him, turning your head to the side to examine his all-too confused expression. “But you do have Get Down, Make Love, which says quite a bit about you.”

Harry groans, and you laugh, and for a moment that’s all that happens - and then the moment breaks, and he reaches out to take his phone from your grasp, and you shift in his lap to look at him with a soft smile.

Whatever banter you’d been having before slowly dissipates, and you clear your throat. “D’you think we should talk about this?”

His hand drops to your hip, squeezing it through the pink button up shirt he’d worn yesterday that you’d snatched from the bedroom floor. “Don’t really think there’s much to talk about,” he says, but you know that isn’t necessarily true.

Truthfully, the last 12 hours have perhaps been the greatest of your life and even if he told you it wasn’t a one time thing - well, he’d just cum inside you and you need to make sure it wasn’t his way of keeping you for the night. And you couldn’t bring yourself to think Harry’s like that at all - the opposite, truly, the greatest man you’ve ever met. But you need to make sure, to ease your mind.

“Um - I guess -” you struggle for the words, suddenly feeling embarrassed for bringing it up, and Harry’s hand flies up to your cheek, cradling it, and the gentle action has you relaxing almost immediately. “I know you said this wasn’t a - one time thing, or whatever -”

“And it isn’t,” he interrupts, brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “Not for me.”

“Okay,” you breathe, the turmoil your stomach had been going through calming slightly. “But there’s still other things - you’re still my professor. Seems like kind of a big thing.”

Harry pauses for a moment, and you adjust yourself in his lap again - you can feel the beginning of a boner against your ass but you figure you’ll deal with that later. Then Harry drops his hand from your cheek to the small of your back, massaging soft circles through his shirt, and says, “I want you to know that I’ve never slept with a student before. Never even thought about it.”

You nod, and you know it’s true. You’ve heard girls in class talking about it - how he’s refused his students’ advances and reported them for it, and any rumour of him hooking up with a student was immediately squashed by everyone in the surrounding area. He’s a prude. He’s probably into, like, old ladies, or dudes, or something, because there’s no way he can be a regular guy and not have fucked one of us already.

It made you roll your eyes to listen to, but it did cement in the fact that Harry wasn’t one of the few teachers at university who would willingly hop into bed with any student who asked politely.

“But I like you - a lot.” His hand pauses on your back as he draws his bottom lip between his teeth, gnawing gently. “If you weren’t my student, things would be perfect.”

Part of you hates the word choice, that things are so imperfect now, but you know it’s true. Know that, even if you simply weren’t in his class, everything would be so much easier.

You nod. “I like you a lot, too.” And then you stop and think before adding, “I think as long as we don’t do anything on campus it’s fine.”

“Yeah,” Harry says, leaning in to press a kiss to your nose. It’s as though the two of you can’t live for more than a minute without showing some sort of affection towards each other, and perhaps that should make you concerned but you love it. “We’ll keep everything here. No funny business in m’office or anything like that.”

 --

 That resolution lasts roughly a week.

You go to his office after class even though you’ve run out of things to grade, and you work on homework and he helps you study and the most action either of you get is small kisses over his desk. It’s a struggle to pull away from him, but the worry that both of you feel about someone walking in is enough to keep you in your seats.

Though, for the most part, his office hours remain empty. A few stragglers come in, a mix of students who genuinely need help and girls who you can tell hate that you’re in there during their seduction attempts. And Harry plays music, of course, turning it down to the lowest volume on the rare occasions that students come in. 

At the end of the day, you walk out to his car together and Harry either drives you home or to his apartment - depends what you’re feeling that day - and in the morning he either picks you up or takes you from his apartment to your first class and it’s a nearly perfect arrangement.

You’ve forgotten, though, about your decision to remain innocent on campus. It’s what you’d expected to happen at some point, with your absolute desperation for each other, but it still manages to slightly shock you as you glance up at him from your spot on your knees. Your hand works at his dick, watching the way he drops his head back against the wall, grasping the cushions of the couch in his fingers.

“Fuck,” he breathes, voice cracking on the c, though you can’t quite hear it over Waterloo by ABBA playing just a bit too loudly in his small office. You’d made sure to crank the volume up a bit more than usual in case he let out any too-loud noises, and it looked like he was on his way to doing just that as a grunt escapes from between his gritted teeth. “Fuck, baby -”

(You’ve never given a blowjob before but it seems easy enough, though your stomach turns pathetically as you lean in and lick a thin stripe up the underside of his cock, tracing a purple vein. He seems to like that and you pray he can’t tell you’re an absolute amateur at this all.)

Your thumb swipes over the tip of his cock, which you know he likes, and the moan that’s still barely audible beneath the music proves it. You make sure to keep your eyes on Harry, monitoring his every reaction as you lean in, wrapping your lips around the tip of his length and sliding as much of him as you can down your throat.

That’s good. Harry’s hand goes to the back of your head, wrapping his fingers in the strands of your hair and tugging, groaning near violently, his breathing laboured. “Jesus Christ.”

Your hand drops to the base of his cock, pumping what you can’t fit in your mouth which - admittedly - is just barely less than half. You swirl your tongue around the tip of his cock before pulling your mouth off of him, a string of saliva still connecting your lips and his member.

“Feel good, professor?” you ask, sticking your bottom lip out, but you know very well it does - Harry’s hand goes down to your lips, wiping your spit off of your skin, before leaning back again. “Sure looks it.”

“Keep going, m’girl.”

The thought of being his girl brings a slight smile to your lips, and you could bask in the words for the rest of the day but instead you lean in, bracing both of your hands on his thighs through his nice dress bands, wrinkling beneath your fingers. And now - you really don’t know what to do, besides exactly what you’d done before - but you wrap your lips around him again, lowering your head to take more of him than before, and then you hollow your cheeks (which you’d seen in porn) and swallow around him (which you’d also seen in porn.)

It has the desired effect, seemingly, as Harry yelps, fingers tightening in your hair tight enough that you can begin to feel strands disconnecting from your scalp but oddly enough, you sort of like it. His grip loosens near immediately, scratching your head with the tips of his fingers in some sort of silent apology. Harry certainly seems to like that so you do it again, gathering saliva in the back of your throat and swallowing again, and he moans, the noise cutting through the music (which had turned to Oh, Pretty Woman), and if there happened to be anyone outside they would hear it louder than anything else.

It doesn’t make either of you stop. You pull off of him, sucking in a desperate breath as you pump him in your hand again before going back in, working your mouth up and down his length, relishing in the soft noises that escaped him with every one of your movements.

“God, baby, taking me so well,” Harry mutters, brushing a stray curl off your face. As your tongue flicks over his tip again his hips buck up into your mouth of their own accord - you gag around him and he breathes out a quiet apology but you can tell he’s almost there, and finally he groans, “Gonna cum - fuck - m’gonna cum -”

Perhaps it was a warning so you would pull your mouth off of him, revert to jerking him off, but you may as well finish your first blowjob off with a bang, so you take nearly all of his member into your mouth and suck. You barely get a few seconds before you can feel the ribbons of warm cum shooting into the back of your throat, and when Harry’s moans quiet down into heavy pants you pull off of him. His cum in your mouth doesn’t taste particularly fabulous but you swallow it anyway - it’s not horrible, truthfully. And the way his eyes darken as he watches you makes the slightly unpleasant taste ten times better, anyway.

“C’mere,” Harry tells you, and you rise from your knees to stand between his legs, looking down at him as he tucks himself back into his dress pants. When he buttons them he looks almost normal, not like his dick was down your throat a minute before - but you can tell, looking into his eyes, the effect you’d had on him. “Christ, you’re good at that.”

You hum, bending down to press a kiss to his lips. “Funny how fast you dropped the whole not doing anything on campus act, professor.”

Harry rolls his eyes, rising from his spot sunk into the couch. “It won’t happen again, I promise.”

(But it does, of course.)

(Again and again.)

 --

 You throw your body across the couch in Harry’s office as soon as you shut the door, dropping your bag to the ground. You pretend not to notice the slightly amused glance your professor gives you - he’s marking up someone’s essay though he’d only assigned them a few days before and you had hardly even looked at the rubric for it. There’s only a few that have been handed in and when you offered, the day prior, to help him grading, he told you he didn’t need it. And you didn’t press it any further, naturally.

Well, you didn’t mind not grading. It was tedious and boring, and you’d only slightly enjoyed it before because you got to spend time with Harry. And you don’t exactly need an excuse, anymore. You can do what you want with him, now, like lying on his couch and kicking your Vans off onto his plush blue rug. There’s already music pulsing through his office, though not a song you recognize from being on the playlist he’d made for you - Strangers by The Kinks.

“Feel free to make yourself at home,” Harry tells you, voice positively dripping in sarcasm, and you roll your eyes with a small smile.

Your phone is buzzing in your pocket and you pick it up, glancing at the text that came in - from Kaitlyn, your best friend, and you scan the what’s up?? that she’d sent you before tossing your phone onto the couch besides you. You’ll answer her later, maybe call her. Thinking of it, you hadn’t talked to her in a bit, but - you’ll call her later, yeah. Catch up.

“Figure I’m going to be here a while, professor. I’ve got an essay for my creative writing class due on -” you pause to think - “Friday and I’ve barely done the draft.”

He furrows his eyebrows as he looks at you, and you don’t even have to glance up at him to feel the slight air of disappointing wafting towards you. “Baby.”

“Hmm?”

“It’s Wednesday. You’ve got an essay due Friday and you haven’t started?”

You shrug, feeling heat flock to your cheeks as you bend to reach into your bag, tugging out your laptop that you, really, only use for essays. “I have started, but I’ve been a bit distracted, I guess.” The only thing you’ve been distracted by is him, truthfully, and he knows it.

For a moment there’s silence filling the air between you, only disturbed by the sounds of your fingers moving over your keyboard. You’ve suddenly felt quite inspired to get a move on with your essay, oddly, and you think that Harry may be the perfect cure to your procrastination habits.

“D’you want my help?” Harry asks, his voice oddly gentle. He’s never necessarily helped you with any homework before though he always asks if you need it, and usually you’d tell him you’re fine but - well, his feedback would be appreciated since you, admittedly, don’t have too much time before this dumb paper is due, so you nod quickly.

Then Harry stands from his spinning chair, letting it roll into the wall behind him and dropping his red pen on top of the essay he’d been grading. You barely have time to look up at him, straining his neck to look at what you have so far for your essay, and you roll your eyes playfully before turning the screen so he can read it. 

His eyes move fast as he reads what you have so far, which isn’t enough for how long it takes him to examine your work. You take the time to admire him, the way he pokes his tongue out every so often to wet his lips (which, you’ve noticed, he seems to prefer over wearing lip balm) and the way his eyebrows furrow when he reads certain lines. Harry’s fingers drum against your computer, following the rhythm of the music, and after a minute he leans back on his heels and pushes your laptop away from him, fingers brushing against the soft skin of your stomach from where your shirt has ever-so-slightly ridden up. 

You wait a moment for him to speak, and then ask, “Was it horrible? You look like it was horrible.”

Harry shakes his head, curls flopping back and forth (you’re reminded of the beginning of the year, when he used to gel his hair back, though it had grown quite a bit since that point, and you’re not sure gel could have its desired effect on his locks.) “It’s not horrible at all. It’s quite good, actually. Sometimes your sentence structure is a bit wonky, like -” he leans in, tugging your laptop back into his view, fingers dancing across your skin again in a way that you know isn’t accidental, and then he highlights a line smack in the middle of your draft - “here, and a few other spots. But it’s good.” You must do a poor job at concealing the relief on your face, because Harry glances at you and chuckles. “Don’t look so surprised. You’re a great writer. Best that’s ever come into my class, and I’m sure your creative writing professor agrees.”

You shake your head, turning your computer back around so it’s facing you. “I don’t think Professor Capone likes my writing too much. I’m barely scraping an A in her class, but maybe she’s just a tough grader.”

“Reckon she’s just a tough grader. I’ve heard that before.” Harry nods thoughtfully and you can’t help but giggle at the suddenly serious expression that takes over his face, as though whether Capone is a tough grader is akin to the meaning of life. His brows furrow and he glances down at you with a bemused smile. “What’re you laughing at?”

“M’not sure, really,” you tell him, grin spreading across your face. He watches you for a second and then leans down, lips hovering barely a centimeter above yours, and you let your lips touch for just a moment before pushing him away. “Now, c’mon professor, what happened to we shouldn’t do anything in the classroom?” The fact that you two had done just about everything but having truly fucked in this office goes unmentioned, of course.

His response is interrupted by the door opening slowly behind him - your eyes widen and he stands immediately, clearing his throat and backing up so he’s leaning against his desk, cheeks flushed red.

In the doorway is a girl you recognize from your class - Hannah Joseph, you think, and you also believe you’d graded her essay. You give her a small smile and she looks down at you, lying on the professor’s couch with your shoes off, with an air of distinct confusion.

“Miss Joseph.” Harry clears his throat, drumming his fingers against his desk. “What can I do for you, today?”

She pauses, glancing between the two of you with furrowed brows, and you bury yourself back into your essay. Everything about this situation feels wrong and you hate it, hate the energy flowing beside Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen. “Um - sorry if I’ve interrupted something.”

You squeeze your eyes shut at Hannah’s words - she can’t possibly know what the two of you had been doing but you still feel like she does, like she’d been watching you two. If Harry is as nervous as you are about the entire situation he certainly doesn’t show it, just grins at her and says, “Not interrupting anything! Just helping Y/N with her essay, here.”

It isn’t convincing and you can tell Hannah agrees, but she merely shakes her head and makes her way to the desk - Harry walks to the other side and plops in his chair and she takes a seat in the entirely uncomfortable one that you’d opted out of.

She has a question about the essay he’d assigned, naturally. There’s not quite any other reason she should be here but it doesn’t stop your worries. What if she told people she’d seen something suspicious in Professor Styles’ office when she went during his office hours? 

You two had been stupid. He was right, you shouldn’t do anything in his office. It’s stupid.

By the time you’ve completed the second to last paragraph of your rough draft Hannah is pushing her chair back, bidding farewell to Harry and giving you a small wave as she leaves - you call goodbye as cheerfully as you can manage as she shuts the door firmly behind her, the noise reverberating through the small room.

There’s silence, at first.

And then Harry sighs, dropping his head into his hands, and you push yourself to sit up, your laptop shutting of its own accord. “Fuck.”

You swallow, glancing down at the light grey fabric of your sweatpants and pulling your bottom lip between your teeth. “Yeah. Fuck.”

Born to Run changes into Livin’ Thing by ELO and you’re not sure of what to say, until finally Harry rests his chin on his palms and says, “We can’t take risks anymore, I think. That was really close.” Then he pauses and adds, “Even having you in my office for so long is suspicious. Maybe - maybe we shouldn’t, anymore.”

You nod. Not going to his office every day will certainly be a change, you suppose, even if it’s for the best. You love every moment you spend with him in the cramped office space. And though you know you’ll hate to not be able to kiss him in his office or anything of the sort you know it’s best - the absolute worst thing that could happen is someone walking in while you and Harry are truly in a compromising situation. “Yeah. We can just keep it at your apartment. Nothing wrong with that, now, is there?”

Harry gives a tight lipped grin and then hesitates. “Maybe it’s better too. I feel bad, sometimes. We spend so much time together - feel like I’m taking away your college experience.”

You furrow your eyebrows, leaning forward to rest your chin against the edge of his desk. “My college experience?”

“Y’know - partying and stuff. That’s most people’s favourite parts of college.”

You pause. You’d been to a few parties during the year but they’d never appealed to you much, and truthfully, you’d rather spend your time holed up in Harry’s office. “I’d rather be able to remember my college experience. I’m not quite a fan of parties. Much prefer this place.”

He sends you a small smile but you can tell something’s shifted in the room, and you give it a few more minutes of silence - besides the music - before sliding your laptop into your bag and standing up. You swing your bag over your shoulder and glance at him. “I’m gonna head back to my dorm, alright? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Harry looks up at you and nods, running a hand through his messy curls. “I’ll see you tomorrow, baby. Text me when you get to your dorm, okay?”

“Alright,” you tell him, and then you give him one final smile and you’re gone.

 --

 “How do Borachio and Don John decide to disrupt Hero and Claudio’s marriage?”

You pause, sipping thoughtfully on your spoonful of soup. Harry leans against the kitchen counter, watching as you think. “Borachio will convince Maragret to dress up in Hero’s clothes and then Borachio will fuck her on the balcony so Claudio will see.”

Harry raises his eyebrows, nodding subtly and scrolling through his phone for another brief moment. “And what becomes of Hero when Don John sets her up?”

“She dies.”

He nods again and then slides his phone into the pocket of his pajama pants, taking a step forward to where you’re seated on the counter. “You didn’t get a single question wrong, you know.”

You shrug, fighting off the smile that wants to appear on your lips. “Well, I’ve read it a lot, professor. Know that play inside and out, really.”

“Ah.” You open your legs so Harry can slot his body between them, resting his hands on your hips through the oversized sweater you’d bought from the thrift store years ago. “So why’d you want to come over, then? Clearly wasn’t to study, now was it.”

It’s not a question, but you still tilt your head thoughtfully to the side as if in deep thought. Truthfully, it had been a few days since the two of you abolished your time together in his office and it had drastically reduced the time you spent with him. He’s invited you over every night he got home early enough but to go from every day for hours to one or two on certain days is a change you don’t particularly enjoy, even if it’s necessary.

Hence, begging him to help you study. But you still shrug and say, “no, it was. No better person to help me study than my professor.”

“Mhm,” Harry twirls your hair around his finger, then pulls back, pressing his lips briefly to your forehead. “You know you don’t need an excuse to come over.”

You feign offense, sticking out your bottom lip. “Wasn’t an excuse to -”

“I’m not saying it was,” he grins and you cross your arms, smiling softly. “But I just want you to know. You can come here whenever. M’always happy to have you here.”

Internally, your heart melts - but before you can respond you can hear the telltale noise of your phone ringing from where you’d tossed it on the couch earlier when you’d arrived. You groan, dropping your head back against the cabinet before pushing yourself off the counter, padding into the living room. Marie sits, curled up on top of the couch, and you brush your fingers down her back as you glance at whoever’s calling you.

It’s Kaitlyn, and you wince - you’d told yourself you would call her nearly ten times this week but you’d gotten too distracted. By Harry, mainly, but also your essay and the rest of your schoolwork, and you’re tempted to ignore this one too in favor of your professor in the kitchen but instead you press accept and bring the phone to your ear.

“Hey, Kaity,” you say, and hearing her small hey on the other end brings a smile to your face. “What’s up?”

“Well, Dylan and I are going to dinner in like, an hour. D’you want to meet us there? I feel like we haven’t talked - all three of us - in forever.”

You tug your bottom lip between your teeth, thinking for a moment. You’d barely been at Harry’s for half an hour but you haven’t seen - or even talked to - your friends in weeks. So you clear your throat and brighten your voice and say, “Sure!”

You can see Harry poke his head out of the kitchen, raising his eyebrows at you, and you bite back a laugh at the site. On the other end, Kaitlyn says, “Cool. See you there, then, and don’t be late, please -” and you say, “Got it,” before hanging up and dropping your phone against the couch.

“Who was that?” Harry asks as you return to the kitchen, his arms wrapping around your smaller frame as he tugs his body to yours.

“My friend, Kaitlyn. I don’t think you know her - she’s a chemistry major.” You wrap your arm around his neck, letting him embrace you before saying, muffled against where your face is buried in his neck, “I’m gonna have to head out soon. Promised I’d meet them at dinner in an hour, and it’s not too short a walk to the cafeteria. But I’ll probably come over after dinner, if that’s okay.” 

Harry nods, and when he speaks again you can hear the teasing lilt in his voice. “M’glad you’re going to see your friends,” he tells you, and you smile. “But if you’re gonna leave soon … I guess we better make the most of our time, right?” And you don’t respond before crashing your lips to his.

 --

 “I have a question.”

You glance up at your friends, chewing slowly on your bite of noodles. It’s the first time you’ve seen them in - admittedly - a while, nearly three weeks. And it’s a drastic difference when you and them had spent nearly every waking minute together before you’d started seeing Harry, but you didn’t think they’d even notice. After all, Kaitlyn and Dylan had started dating recently, too, and you figured you would give them time off from your third-wheeling.

Well - no, you didn’t figure that. They never gave you an indication that they were bothered by your being there with them, but it was a better excuse than I’ve been fucking my professor, and I haven’t really been thinking of much besides that.

“Yeah?” you tilt your head at Dylan, grabbing your lemonade from the table and taking a sip. 

Kaitlyn drops her fork from where she’s been picking at her salad, and then asks, “Well - we’ve kind of been wondering where you’ve been. We haven’t seen you in so long and your roommate said you’re barely there anymore, anyway.”

You raise your eyebrows, squinting at the pair of them in front of you. “You asked my roommate?”

“Well, yeah.” Dylan glances at Kaitlyn and then back at you, and this is beginning to feel like a bit of an intervention. “We didn’t know if you were just mad at us or something.”

“S’not like she’s at our room much, anyway. Always at her boyfriend’s. Nick’s, I think.” You twist more noodles around your fork, making sure to lather them in the slightly-chunky but still edible pasta sauce that the cafeteria had made for today. “I’ve been at my room loads.”

It’s not necessarily the truth but you wouldn’t call it a lie, either. Since you’d stopped going to Harry’s office you’d been spending more time at your room and your roommate had been there more, too - it was curious, since she never used to spend any time there, and you’d started to get to know her a bit, too.

“Her and Nick broke up,” Kaitlyn says, leaning in and taking a bite of her salad. “But - I don’t know. It’s weird. I mean, all of a sudden we never heard from you.” You don’t respond, staring down at your noodles, and she leans closer towards you, “But then - um.”

You glance up. “What?”

“Well - Hannah Joseph said you’ve been spending a lot of time with Professor Styles,” Dylan reveals, drumming his fingers against the lunch table. Your heart drops at his words and you rest your fork against your plate, the utensil still wrapped in noodles. “And there’ve been a lot of rumours.”

With every single word this entire conversation keeps getting worse, and you take in a gulp of lemonade to try and distract yourself. When you’ve swallowed you look up and try to feign disinterest. “What kind of rumours?” you ask, and you’re not quite sure whether your nonchalant facade towards the entire situation is working.

Dylan leans back in his chair, making eye contact with Kaitlyn again - you hate when they do that, especially right now. You feel like they’re having some sort of conversation you’re not allowed to know, that they’re keeping secrets from you and you’re not supposed to do that. They’re your best friends.

(But you’re keeping the biggest secret of all, and you know you’ll never tell them.)

After a moment, Dylan finally says, “Well, when Hannah was telling us about you being in Professor Styles’ office all the time, Alana Williams told us that she walked in on you guys in his office, like, two weeks ago. And you were really flustered and left, like, the second she came in, and he was really awkward about it the entire time.”

Fuck. You’d forgotten about Alana, walking in on you two immediately after you’d kissed for the first time. You know the answer you’re going to get, but you furrow your brows and ask again, “But what was the rumour, then?”

“That you’re sleeping with him.”

Yeah, you expected that. And it’s not like it’s wrong but hearing the words from Kaitlyn’s lips make you feel embarrassed and all of a sudden you want to run out of the cafeteria screaming, run to your dorm and never talk to anyone again. Because if Hannah and Alana told Kaitlyn and Dylan about you being in his office all the time, who else did they tell?

You breathe out a laugh, hoping to God that you sound amused by the entire thing and not absolutely terrified. There’s no foreseeable way you can salvage this and you can’t think of any sort of excuse for your weeks-long absence from your friends because they already mentioned the truth and you can’t tell them that. They’re your best friends and you should tell them the truth, the way they’ve always told you the truth about everything, but there’s no way you can do that now.

You cross your arms over your chest, eyes peeking left and right as though you’ll catch someone watching you, wondering if you really are sleeping with your professor. As if you’ll yell it out. “That’s stupid,” you tell them, and the way their shoulders ever so slightly drop in relief makes you want to scream. “I’m not sleeping with Professor Styles. I’ve just been busy. Overloaded with schoolwork, right now.”

It’s impossible to tell if they believe it, but you roll your eyes and continue anyway. “But I have missed you guys a lot, and I’m sorry for - um - ignoring you. That was fucked up.”

(In the back of your mind, you’re reminded of the way you’d told Harry you’d return to his apartment after dinner. You hadn’t promised but you’d never failed to go to his apartment when you’d said you would. There is a first time for everything, you suppose, so you give them a bright grin that you aren’t feeling at all and lean in. “Speaking of which, what can we do tonight? I’m all yours, I swear. Won’t even think about my assignments.”

The smiles that spread across their faces like wildfire makes you feel ever so guilty - guilty at the fact that, although you do miss them, your heart aches at the fact that you’re leaving Harry high and dry. Well, he’ll live, you know. Probably spend the night watching television with Marie, and you’ll see him tomorrow. 

“I’m going to guess you don’t want to go a party, right?” Kaitlyn asks, a grin playing at her lips. They’ve tried to drag you to parties for so long and you hate them, hate everything about them, but -

Right now a party sounds perfect. Perfect to forget about how, apparently, everyone on campus thinks you’re fucking your professor and perfect to extinguish every one of those rumours. So to Dylan and Kaitlyn’s surprise and, truthfully, your own, you lean back in your chair with a bright grin. “I’d love to go to a party! Where’s it at?”

 --

 Within ten minutes of being at said party, you regret it quite a bit.

The dress Kaitlyn had picked out of your closet is two years old and certainly doesn’t fit correctly - you can’t remember buying it, honestly, and every couple of minutes you have to tug the top up to cover your tits. You don’t like the way guys are looking at you and more specifically down your shirt, and they look at Kaitlyn too - but perhaps she’s more used to it from going to frat parties more often, because it doesn’t seem to bother her nearly as much as it pisses you off.

Dylan brought you a drink immediately and you took one sip and hated it. You hate everything about being here but you paste a grin on your face, jumping into pictures with people you barely know, and you’re sure if there was ever someone who looked less like the type to sleep with their professor, it’s you right now.

Which is what you were going for. And, if you wanted to take it all the way, you would let one of these frat guys pin you up against the wall and kiss you until you’re breathless, but you can’t do that to Harry. Even if you’re not official - not truly together - the thought of your lips pressed against any that don’t belong to Harry is disgusting. You sent him a text while you were getting dressed, telling him something came up and i can’t come over:(( sorry and he didn’t seem to mind much, merely replying, Sounds good. See you soon. And now, as you stand in a cloud of marijauna, leaning against the wall and periodically pretending to drink from your cup, you realize you’d much rather be holed up in his apartment than here.

Dylan and Kaitlyn are having fun, though, dancing entirely too close on the dance floor. They did this at parties before they started dating, too, bodies pressed close to each other, and you always wondered why they never just came out and got together. The difference between then and now is that, before, Kaitlyn would always drag you out with them at some point, making sure you’re included.

You don’t reckon that’s going to happen now.

So you push yourself off the wall, clutching your phone and your cup in one hand and using the other to brush Dylan on the back as you push past them - you can hardly hear Kaitlyn calling, “Where’re you going?” as you make your way through a crowd of people. When you’ve finally found your way to the edges of the party you can spot an open door leading out to the deck, and you decide that’s where you want to be, so you push yourself through the door and to the violently bitter cold.

It’s a decision you almost regret but there’s so few people outside - two frat boys, one of them who you recognize from your creative writing class, and a girl sitting, half asleep, on the ground. In some odd way you feel like you fit in with the people out here, so you lean against the house and look at your phone again.

Harry hasn’t texted you again and you’re not sure why you thought he would - there wasn’t much to say on his behalf. In the back of your mind you’re entirely too aware that standing outside by yourself like a loner makes you look even more the part of girl-who-fucked-her-teacher but you can’t force yourself to be in there. 

“Hey.”

You’re snapped out of your thoughts by a voice from next to you, and you look up to see the boy from your creative writing class, leaning on the wall beside you. His friend has gone, probably back inside, and the girl sitting on the ground looks completely gone now. It’s just you and him, this guy you’ve hardly spoken to ever, but you turn to face him anyway.

“Hey,” you say, voice coming out in a soft puff of air, white in the nighttime air. “S’Jacob, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Jacob nods, blonde hair flopping in front of his eyes, and it reminds you, in some sort of way, of the uncontrollable nature of Harry’s hair. “Aren’t you in my writing class or something?”

You nod, brushing your hair out of your face and glancing down at the cup in your hand. It’s still as full as when you got it, even with all the pretend sips you’d been taking. “Yeah, I am.”

Jacob’s head falls back against the house and says, “Knew I recognized a pretty face like yours.” You exhale, rolling your eyes, and he furrows his eyebrows. “What? M’serious. I’ve always thought you were quite cute.”

“Thanks, I suppose.” You look up at him with an amused smile. “You’re - um. You’re cute too,” which isn’t exactly a lie. He’s not horrible but perhaps being with Harry has skewed your perception of all guys in your year - they’ll never be as lovely as him. 

“Well, thank you,” Jacob replies, and you’re not sure what to say now - just lift your drink to your mouth and pretend to take a drink of it. It seems like in the blink of an eye he’s moved closer to you - standing half beside you and half in front, and you pull your cup closer to your body. He’s barely half a foot away from you and his face is even closer, and he smells like cheap beer and mint gum.

You drop your head back against the wall, raising your eyebrows. “What’re you doing?” you ask, confusion and yet complete understanding dripping from your words. 

Jacob shrugs, leaning in until his lips are entirely too close to your ear and you can feel his breath, warm against your skin and you can smell him even stronger, now. “Just relax, alright? S’okay.”

You can’t relax though, and all you can think about is how different and terrible this is compared to how amazing Harry makes you feel, and you shake your head vehemently. “Jacob, I’m sorry, alright? You’re really nice and all, but -”

“D’you have a boyfriend?” Jacob asks, then, pulling himself away from you. 

“Not really,” you tell him, which is the truth. You and Harry aren’t - technically dating but you still couldn’t hook up with this frat boy if you tried. You’re as good as dating him and the thought of doing it to him makes you sick to your stomach. “But I’m just not interested.”

There’s a pause, then. Jacob takes a step back, looking at you with his brows furrowed and his face looking oddly flushed. There are goosebumps covering your skin and you suddenly want to go back inside but then he’s talking again - “I think I know what this is about.”

You must wear the confusion you’re feeling, because he continues. “Can you be honest with me? Like, really honest.”

You hadn’t thought he was too drunk before but he certainly is starting to seem just a bit drunker than you’d anticipated. You furrow your eyebrows, lips upturning. “Sure.”

Then Jacob takes another step forward so you’re just as close as you’d been before and leans in again, dropping his voice so low you can hardly hear it. “Is it true you’re boning Professor Styles?”

The words take a moment to sink in. Is it true … Professor Styles? And when they’re finally there, embedded inside of your brain, you exhale a shaky laugh. It’s all you can bring yourself to do, resting your head back against the house. “Are you serious?”

You look at him again and he nods, shrugging slightly.

“I’m not - I’m not boning Professor Styles.” The lie tastes bitter on your tongue but you force it to sound normal anyway. “And I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Jacob rolls his eyes until you can merely see a white stripe in them. You can feel yourself getting - angrier? Sadder? More annoyed? - by the moment. And you hate that some dumb frat boy can make you feel so horrible but he’s doing it now, even if he probably doesn’t realize it. He steps back again, running a hand through his floppy hair. “Alright, alright. So you’re not fucking your professor and you don’t have a boyfriend. What, exactly, is holding you back, then?”

You squeeze your eyes shut, feeling heat soar to your cheeks even in the bitter chill of the night. “Can you give it a fucking rest, Jacob?” 

He whistles and you’re pushing yourself off the wall, already beginning to slide open the door to go back inside when Jacob begins, “Don’t be such a bitch about it -”

There’s only a brief second of hesitation on your part - turning around and using the hand that isn’t clutching your cup and your phone you press it to his chest and push as hard as you can. The force of it sends your phone flying out of your hand and hurtling down to the deck and you watch it fall down with a moment of brief regret - you can hear the glass shattering and you know it’ll be a bitch to repair. And you drink splashes up, spilling onto your chest and your dress and it smells repulsive. But Jacob (who you suspect is drunker than you originally thought) stumbles away from you and it makes both things worth it.

You can feel tears beginning to sting your eyes as Jacob straightens up, and before he can say anything else you bend down, picking your phone off of the deck and racing back into the house. You slide the door shut behind you and you can feel it open only a second later but you’ve already gone, pushing your way through the crowd, looking for both the way out and someone with a phone that doesn’t have a screen smashed to bits.

Kaitlyn and Dylan are pressed against the wall and you hate to interrupt the way they’re kissing desperately, hands all over each other, but you reach out and tap her shoulder anyway. Because, truthfully, you don’t actually care that much.

You shout above the music that you need to borrow her phone and she doesn’t hesitate to fish it out of her bra, handing it over to you with an incredibly wide grin - her telltale drunk grin - and you grab it in your hand, your broken phone in your other, and open up the phone app.

You have his number memorized from spending so long studying it once he’d given it to you that it’s easy to type it into the keypad - when the line is ringing you realize it’s entirely too loud in the thick of the party so you turn and walk out the front door and onto the front steps, leaning against the railing.

The line clicks and you’ve never been so grateful for such a small noise. “Hello?” the voice on the other end says, raspy like it always is when he’s just woken up (and you hate to think that you’ve woken him from a nap) and you could cry at the sound of it.

“Harry.” you swallow, eyes darting back and forth to see if there’s anyone near you - but everyone seems to be inside, enjoying the party, and you just can’t. “Harry, hi.”

“Hey, baby,” he says, and his voice seems to brighten at the sound of yours. “What’s going on? Whose phone is this?”

“Um -” you bring your thumb up to your mouth, nibbling on your nail before dropping your hand back down to your thigh. “It’s a long story. Can you pick me up? I’m sorry, I just - um. I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be a pain. You don’t have to if you’re too tired because you sound like you just woke up but I really want to be with you right now.”

You look - standing outside of a party, fighting back tears that are burning in your eyes calling your professor, of all people - the exact type of girl who would fuck her professor, but oddly enough, you don’t really think you care anymore. All you want to do is to feel Harry’s arms wrapped around you, making you feel better, and you never should have come to this stupid party in the first place. It was a mistake.

“Are you alright?” Harry asks, and you can picture him getting out of bed already, tugging on a pair of joggers - the pink ones he wears all the time - and sliding on his sneakers. “Uh - where are you?”

That you’re not quite sure of. You glance around but you can’t make much out in the dark - there’s a sign at the end of the street and you squint to try and make it out. “Barry, I think. Avenue? I’m not sure. I think it says Barry, though.”

“Okay,” Harry says. “I know where you are, and I’m gonna be there in five minutes, alright? Just stay where you are.”

You breathe out a small okay, and then the line clicks and he’s gone, and you pull the phone away to stare at it for just a moment. Then you go and delete the call from Kaitlyn’s history - wouldn’t want her calling it on accident - and dart back inside. She’s still wrapped around Dylan but you give it to her anyway, watching her stuff the device back into her bra. And you take a moment to bid your friends goodbye - wrapping them in a hug even if you know they’d rather be making out with each other than hugging you - and you head back out the door, sitting down on the front steps and letting the door slam behind you.

Your phone sits beside you in all its broken glory. Your mind is reeling and you can’t think straight - all you want is to be with Harry, forget about the assholes who think (or know) that you’re sleeping with him. Because - well, you are, you suppose. But there’s so much more, stuff they’ll never know, stuff they can’t know.

Just as your teeth start chattering in the cold you can see a familiar car pull up in front of the house. You can see his figure in the drivers seat, a hood pulled up tight over his hair, and you jump up, grabbing your phone and bounding towards the car. You’ve never been so happy to see him in your life - opening the door and ducking into the passenger’s seat, dropping your shattered phone on the center console between you. The warmth of his car is nearly suffocating but you love it, prefer it so much over the cold that’s been so prevalent for so long.

“Hey,” Harry says, voice soft, as if he can tell you’ve had a shitty day. (Which he probably can, truthfully.) “What happened to your phone?”

“I dropped it,” you tell him, taking another glance down at the phone you’ve had for four years that could survive falls from your pockets, bed and accidentally getting stepped on by Dylan but couldn’t make it through a simple fall onto the deck of a frat house. Serves you right for going to the dumb party anyway. “Can I go to your apartment? Just really don’t want to be alone. I had - a really shitty day.”

He nods and then you’re gone, taking off down the street. “D’you want to tell me about it, then?”

You sigh, leaning back against the headrest. You take a moment to listen to the music, playing so silently you can hardly hear - but it’s Just The Way You Are, by Billy Joel, and it’s from your playlist. “Just - um. A lot of people, apparently, think we’re sleeping together and then I was talking to this - this guy named Jacob and he was being a dick about it because I wouldn’t fuck him and then - then I pushed him and I dropped my phone and it broke.” Your voice cracks and you can feel the tears that had been residing behind your eyes finally beginning to spill over, and you bring your wrist up to wipe the tear that had begun to streak down your cheek. “M’sorry. Seems silly, now.”

“It’s not silly.” Harry’s voice is firm and you look over at him, sniffling slightly. When you’ve stopped at a red light he turns towards you, bringing his thumb up to wipe away another tear that had trickled down to your nose. “I’m sorry. People can be dicks sometimes.”

You inhale shakily. “Yeah.” For a split second there’s silence and then you say, “I don’t even know why I went to a stupid party. I hate them and I hated this one too but -” you stop to think. “I wanted people to think I wasn’t the type of person to fuck my professor. Which is silly, I guess, because I am the type of person to fuck my professor.”

“Can you look at me?” he asks, and you do, making eye contact with him briefly before he looks back at the road. “S’all gonna be alright, you know that? Nobody is gonna know. No one’s gonna find out - they’re all just guessing now.”

“I feel like they know.” you sniffle again, blinking away more tears that had come to the surface of your eyes. “And I know they can’t but I feel like they do.”

Harry pulls into the parking lot behind his building, then, and you unbuckle your seatbelt with shaking hands and grab your phone from the center console, pushing yourself out of the car and into the air again. The two of you walk in silence to the doors and then he presses the button of the elevator to go up and looks at you again.

“Baby,” Harry says, and you nod slowly. “What do you want to do?”

You pause. “What do I want to do?”

Then he grabs your hand as the elevator opens and you step in together, pressing the button for the third floor. “I don’t want you to stress about getting caught,” he responds, voice dropping to hardly above a whisper. “We’re going to be okay, I promise. As long as we keep things off campus we’re fine.”

You nod, glancing down at your scuffed heels with a sniff. “I know.”

The elevator dings again and you step out of it, your hand still in his as he walks down the hall to his apartment. While he digs in his pocket for his key, you tell him, “If you’re asking me whether I want to stop this, the answer is no.”

Harry glances up at you, key in the door, with a raised eyebrow.

You continue, shaking your head. “I like you a lot, Harry. A lot. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before in my life and I don’t want stupid fucking frat boys to take you away from me.” The two of you step into his apartment and he flicks on the lights, leaning against the door as you continue. “Don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if the most amazing man in the entire world slipped between my fingers because I was afraid.”

You take a step towards him, and then he wraps his arms around you and it’s what you’d needed all bloody day, just to feel his hug. You burrow your head into his chest and he presses his lips to the top of your hair, his voice coming out muffled by your hair when he speaks again. “I’m afraid too, baby. But I like you a lot too. More than anyone I’ve ever known.” Then he grabs your cheeks, pulling your head away from his so he can stare you right in the eyes - you swear his are mesmerizing. “I think I love you, actually.”

Love.

He loves you.

The thought bounces around your brain and it’s all you can think of - Professor Styles, telling you he loves you in his apartment, his warm hands pressed to your cheeks. And you hadn’t been sure, until now, whether you did love him. You’d never exactly felt that sort of love for anyone before because none of your relationships had ever lasted too long. But hearing him and seeing him now is making your brain churn out a thousand thoughts per minute and the most apparent one is that you love him too.

So much.

So you exhale, a smile quirking your lips upwards, as you reach up to press your hands to his face, too. You can see him fighting back the urge to grin and you could cry again but you swallow the urge and breathe out, “I love you, too.”

And you lean up on your toes, pressing a kiss to his lips and barely hearing the way he mutters back, “I love you so much,” because you couldn’t pull your lips from his if you tried. His hands drop to your back, pressing against the small of it as he leads you farther into his apartment. Your lips never detach and it’s difficult not to trip over your own feet but eventually you’re being pushed onto a distinctly soft surface, and one glance to your right shows you that it’s not his bed but the couch in his living room.

“Sorry, Marie,” Harry says, and you push yourself onto your elbows as you watch Harry pick up Marie from her spot on top of the couch and deposit her to the floor. “Don’t want you to see this. Just shoo for a little while.”

You roll your eyes as Harry looks down at you, one leg propped on the couch and the other firm on the ground. “You’re ridiculous, professor,” you tell him, and he throws an arm over the back of the couch, lowering his body onto yours until you can push your head up and mesh your lips with his. His hand goes beneath your head as he lowers you back down onto the couch. “But I still love you.”

When Harry pulls away his cheeks are a light shade of pink and you feel quite honored to be the person to make him blush - your professor, so professional in front of the classroom and blushing like a schoolgirl above you. You bring your hand up to his hair, twisting your fingers in his curls to bring his head back down but he doesn’t go for your lips, instead lowering his mouth to your throat, pressing hickeys to the column of your neck.

“You smell like beer, y’know that?” Harry tells you, and you can feel the smile on his lips as he trails kisses down to your collarbone. His hand works at tugging the top of your dress down, reaching in to pull your tits out where they’re already practically spilling out of it. 

“Spilled a bit on myself at the party,” you breathe as he lowers his mouth onto your nipple, his hand massaging your other breast. “Wasn’t good beer, though. Could tell it was cheap. I couldn’t drink more than a sip - fuck.”

Harry pulls back from your nipple and blows on it gently, the sensation sending shivers up your spine and you moan softly. Your hips buck up into his and he groans against your chest. “God, baby. I love your tits, did you know that? Could play with them all day.” As if to prove a point he leans down again, dragging his teeth against your nipple and reveling in the way you whine.

“I’d be fine with that,” you inform him, voice cracking in the middle of the sentence as his hand trails down your body to the bottom of your dress, pulling it up over the tops of your thighs. Then his fingers brush over the damp spot in your panties, pressing against your clit through the thin fabric. “Oh, god -”

“Does that feel good, baby?” he asks, voice soft and he already knows the answer, of course, but you drop your head back against the couch with a nod anyway. “Wanna hear your words.”

“Feels so good, p - professor,” you moan, feeling his digits finally dip beneath the hem of your panties, running over your folds without the lace barrier. “Please, Harry, need more …”

You’ve learned, by now, his affinity for hearing you tell him exactly what you want. So before you can hear his smug response of what do you need you swallow and tell him, “Want you to eat me out. Please, professor.”

He drops his head against your chest, moaning lowly, and you can feel his dick growing harder against your thigh. “Fuck. Okay.” He licks a line from your chest up to your collarbone and you wonder if he can taste the gross beer still tainting your skin but - if he does - he doesn’t show it. Acts like he’d just enjoyed the best feast of his life as he glances back up at you, eyes dark. His fingers hook in your panties, dragging them down your legs and dropping them, soaked in your arousal, onto the floor. “Gonna take you to my room, yeah?”

You nod eagerly as he stands above you, and you swing your legs over the edge of the couch, pushing yourself up, and you let Harry intertwine your fingers, leading you across his apartment to the door of his bedroom. When he’s shut the door (shooing Marie away again, who’d followed you in an attempt to enter his room) he tugs his hoodie over his head - his phone flies out of the pocket and lands on the carpet, his hoodie heading towards another corner. Then Harry collapses into the middle of his bed, lying on his back, glancing at you expectantly. His joggers slide ever so slightly down his hips and you watch their descent before flickering your eyes back to him.

You furrow your eyebrows. “Not gonna eat me out then, professor?”

Harry shakes his head. “Never sat on anyone’s face before, I reckon?”

No. Of course you haven’t. Your mouth drops open in a silent ‘o’ and you raise your eyebrows, shaking your head vehemently. He motions you to come over to him and you take a moment to kick off your heels, leaving them in a pile by the door before making your way over to the bed, standing beside him.

“I think you’ll like it,” Harry tells you, and wraps his fingers around your wrist in a loose hold, and you take the cue to mount the bed, kneeling beside him, and his fingers drum against your thigh. “You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. If you don’t, I’ll just do it the old fashioned way. No harm done.”

You nod, swallowing. Any question you have dies on your tongue because you trust him, you know, and you know he wouldn’t do anything to make you uncomfortable.

What’s the harm in trying?

“Alright, then.” He reaches behind him, stuffing a pillow beneath his head. His hand on your wrist drops to your hand, pressing your palms together, and you give him a small smile before adjusting yourself so your thighs are on either side of his head - it’s about as awkward as you’d anticipated, your dress still half covering your arse, and Harry reaches up to pull it up, letting it rest around your hips. His fingertips trail down your thighs - a silent don’t worry and appreciate it. Slowly you lower yourself down onto his mouth, and when you’ve completely settled - your hands resting on his bare abdomen as you lean forward slightly.

You expect to feel his tongue on you immediately but then he pauses, and when he talks you can feel his mouth moving against your cunt. “Siri! Shuffle y/n songs on Spotify!”

You almost roll your eyes when his phone, still on the floor from where it had landed earlier, begins playing Good Vibrations - of course, he can’t do anything without music - but before you can give some sort of snarky remark his tongue is darting up to your clit, flicking the bud gently, and you cry out almost louder than the music.

“Oh, shit, Harry!” you groan, fingertips digging into his stomach as his hands go to your bum, kneading the globes of your ass as his mouth practically attacks your pussy. It’s so much more intense than how it is usually - the Beach Boys in the background, your hips rocking slowly against his face, his soft groans against your core sending vibrations through your body.

Good vibrations, of course.

“Feels so fucking good,” you breathe, dragging your hands further down his stomach. His joggers - the pink ones - are tied loosely and your fingers wrap around the ties, tugging slightly as Harry pushes his tongue inside of you. You can see his dick - thick and looking painfully hard, even through the fabric. Your instinct is to grab his hair but it’s harder in this position so you tug, again, at the tie of his sweatpants until it comes completely undone.

He pauses, momentarily, perhaps wondering what you’re doing - and you don’t even quite know - but soon he resumes his relentless assault on your clit, lips wrapping around the nub and sucking. You cry out, your palm pressed to his stomach and trailing down to the hem of his sweatpants, and when your hand wraps firmly around Harry’s cock he practically yelps into your cunt.

“Jesus, fuck,” you can hear him, muttering against your heat as you pull his sweatpants down further until you can see his cock. Sure enough, he’s hard and heavy in your hand as you shimmy your body ever so slightly forward, causing him to hook his arms around your thighs to keep you close to his face. You crane your neck forward, pumping your hand up and down his cock as you lean forward, wrapping your lips around the tip of his dick, and he moans. It mixes oddly well with the tail end of Good Vibrations as it switches to Sugar Sugar.

The sound rolls through your body and you whimper, lowering your head onto his cock until his length is nearly completely down your throat - you’ve gotten better at fitting him in completely, and you breathe through your nose, counting 1 … 2 … 3 until you hit 10, and then you pull your mouth off of him.

Harry’s nose nudges your clit and your walls tighten around his tongue as he thrusts it in and out of your cunt - you’re so close and you can tell, and you lick up the vein on his cock. He grunts softly, fingernails digging into your ass, and when his tongue flicks over your clit again you cry out, throwing your head back and pumping his cock with your hand.

Your orgasm hits you like a wave and Harry laps up every drop that he can, smoothing his hands over your bum and thighs as you roll your hips against his mouth, riding yourself through his orgasm as you release your grasp on his cock, digging your nails into his stomach as you moan out.

When every reverberation of your orgasm still pulsing through you, you collapse onto his body - then you roll off of him, still feeling the throbbing in your clit as Harry pushes himself onto his elbows, glancing down at you.

“How was that?” he asks, sitting up fully, trailing his fingers up your arm. “First time facesitting. And 69ing, too - it’s a season of firsts.”

You grin lazily at him. “S’that a line from December, 1963?”

He nods, a smile painting his face.

“It was amazing. Of course. It’s always amazing - God, I love you so much,” you tell him, reaching your hand up to rest against his face, and he presses a soft kiss against your wrist. “But…”

“What?”

“I really want you to fuck me.”

Harry raises his eyebrows, and you feel your cheeks burn. His hand tugs at the end of your dress, bunched around your hips. “I really want to fuck you, too.” You sit up, raising your arms so he can pull your dress over your head - you’re left in merely your bra and you reach behind yourself, undoing the clasp and tossing it off the bed. When you’ve lied back down on the bed he takes a minute to stare down at you, and you feel a sudden instinct to cover yourself up - but then he merely says, “You’re so beautiful. I love you -” and he leans down to kiss you, his hands working at pulling his joggers down his legs - “so damn much.”

He takes a moment, dropping his pants to his ankles, to lower his head to your cunt again - tongue lapping briefly at your clit, smirking at the way you jump. Then he pulls his head back and you watch him, propped on your elbows, as he spits, and it lands on your clit and makes you squeal, your stomach flipping. God, you didn’t think you’d love that so much but you want him to do it again and again - something about it is so fucking hot. But he just brings his fingers to your folds, spreading his spit through your already slick pussy, flashing you another smug smirk before leaning back over you.

You loop your arms around his neck, feeling the tip of his cock prodding at your entrance. You’re so wet you’re practically dripping and there’s positively no barrier as he sheathes himself inside of you - you toss your head back with a moan. The first push inside of you is always the best and you take a moment to savor it as Harry grips your thigh, hooking your leg around his waist. And when he pulls out and thrusts back in he brushes that perfect spot inside of you, and you cry out.

Your heel presses into his arse, pushing his body further into yours. Your chests press together, his arm braced over your head as he groans lowly, eyes squeezed shut, and you bring your hand up to his face like he’s done so many times - “Look at me, profess - fuck!”

He does look at you, pupils wide and making his normally green eyes appear just about completely black. Harry’s hand presses to your clit, rubbing fast hard circles as his cock brushes against your g-spot with every thrust inside of you and you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling his head into your shoulder, hips rocking into his. You’re already embarrassingly close and with just the right brush against your clit you know you could be cumming already to the sound of I’m a Believer by the Monkees, and it would be heaven.

Like it always is.

Harry’s still muttering into your neck, teeth brushing against your skin as he sends wet, open mouthed kisses across your throat - “So tight, squeezing me so good. God, Iloveyousomuch -”

Your nails drag against his back, your hips pushing up to meet his thrusts, his fingers still working at your clit. You wrap your leg tighter around his waist, burying your head back into the covers with a loud cry and then you’re cumming, walls fluttering around him as his thrusts grew even more unrelentless. You’re not sure you’ve ever cum so fast in your life but you were already so close before you even started and he pulls his head up, slamming your lips together as you ride out your second orgasm with him.

“Think you - fuck - got one more in there for me?” His voice is a hiss through gritted teeth as he straightens up, fucking you harder than ever before on his knees, fingers still plucking at your clit. Your leg drops from around his waist and he grabs your calf, stretching your leg onto his shoulder, and the burn makes everything feel that much better. “Gonna cum again for your professor? I think you can.”

Your hand goes down to his wrist, fingers wrapping around him - it’s too much too fast you’ve just cum you can’t - but you know you can and he does too. And you can tell he’s close - the way he’s losing rhythm, his hips losing the steady pace he’d developed. You drop your hand to your chest, tweaking your nipple between your fingers.

“Fuck, Harry - m’gonna cum - God -” you can’t manage to get out any full sentences, mere fragments, your eyes never leaving Harry’s as you clench around you again. Your third orgasm is the most intense of all, feeling his fingers pinch your clit, his thrusts slowing so they hit every sweet spot inside of you, and you couldn’t have held back if you tried.

His neighbors must think you’re being murdered with the way you scream - the duvet firm in your grasp, your eyes rolling back into your head as you practically spasm beneath him. Harry’s movements slow to a jerky, staccato pace - you can feel him, cumming inside of you, and when you look at him his face is bright red, eyes squeezed shut and mouth open in a soft o.

“Fuck, fuck -” he breathes, hand on your clit dropping to the mattress, and your leg slides off of his shoulder and back onto the bed. You’re fucking exhausted as he pulls out, dropping onto the bed beside you, but not too tired to curl yourself into his arms, your face burning hot and your breathing laboured.

There’s a moment where nothing needs to be said. There’s nothing that you could say that could make this moment any better than it is so you hold your tongue, intent on merely falling asleep with him until he mumbles, “Baby?”

“Hmm?”

He pauses, and you open your eyes, turning your head to glance at him. His eyes are shut as well and you could almost fool yourself into thinking he’d never spoken at all until he finally says, “I love you so much.” You don’t have time to say it back before he’s continuing - “And I think you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met in my life.”

You can feel the beginnings of tears in your eyes - whether it’s the post-orgasm haze and exhaustion overtaking you or just pure love for the man beside you, you’re not sure. “Harry -”

“And, um.” His eyes are still shut and his brows are slightly furrowed as he speaks. “I know we’re kind of already dating but I want to make it official. So … would you like to be my girlfriend?” And then his eyes open, his head turning to look at you, to watch the smile that turns your lips upward.

You tug your bottom lip between your bottom teeth to try and suppress your grin but it doesn’t work - you could never stop yourself from feeling so fucking happy. And you bring your hand to his cheek, brushing a sweaty curl off his face, before breathing, “Of course.”

He leans in, then, kissing you sweetly and - for just a moment - you can forget about everything other than him. Forget about class on Monday, about the people who think you’re sleeping with him. And they’re right, for some of it - but not all. They’ll never really know what you have.

For a moment, all that exists is you and him, wrapped up in each other, bodies curled together and lips pressed gently. And even when the moment passes, and you bury your head into his shoulder, you can’t help but wait for the next to come.

[saintqueer]

Hi!! I’m the anon that came to you asking for advice on how to celebrate my queerness at my Harry concert without possibly outing myself to anyone who would see photos/videos of me after. I’m back with my report essay, teach!

First off, I need to say I really appreciate you taking the time to not only answer me and give so many options/so much advice, but you really made me feel like I was not alone. I’m in my mid-twenties and came into my sexuality fairly recently and my only queer friends have known and been out basically their whole lives, so I feel weirdly alone in my experiences sometimes. I’ll get the feeling that I’m abnormal and that feeling eats away at me until I have little to no joy to experience anymore, and I was very scared for that to happen at the concert. Logic never applies to this feeling, so even though I knew I wasn’t the only queer person there, I knew I wasn’t the only… “non-het fan” there, my demons were still in the back of my head threatening to steal my joy.

I’m glad to report that that was not the case and I had the time of my life. We ended up very rushed for time before the concert, so my planned rainbow underwear (it was too funny not to do) didn’t happen, but I did take a moment on our way to the venue to think over what H and his music means to me, how he and L (and the other boys) have helped me through so much and continue to do so. I have a rainbow TPWK keychain that I had hooked to my pocket wallet (and hand sanitizer, duh) and I used that like a worry stone while in line. I just tried to prepare myself for the spiritual experience I knew the concert would be.

And man… did I experience something. I don’t think I’ve ever gone so hard in my life? I danced so hard my legs were trembling all night, I sang/screamed so loud I had no voice left, I cried so much, and I went so extra gay and lost my mind for every little gay thing that there was no question of my identity. There was something about just being in the same room with H that made me feel so loved and welcomed and free. I don’t know how he does it, but it felt like a welcome home hug. It’s a little funny, like why was I so nervous in the first place? (I’m not going to lie, there were points that I wasn’t entirely comfortable and definitely retreated into my shell a bit (mostly before the show, seeing some absurd signs that were confiscated and feeling as though I was the only one who saw Harry as a fellow Not Straight™️) but they were nothing compared to the pure joy that I felt once Harry got on stage.)

Just a little extra because so much happened (and I think I may have blacked out a little bit but)… my cousin is and always has been very accepting of me, but sometimes that devil comes back and tells me it’s just an act, she really despises me, all that nonsense. And that voice was nagging me, telling me to tone down my gayness, she was embarrassed by me. And then Lights Up started. And H asked for the pride flag and he began to run. And she grabbed my hand and squeezed so tight and the love I felt in that moment (from H, from my cousin, from the screaming crowd) was so overwhelming that I began to cry some of the happiest tears in my life. The relief of seeing H in person with the flag that means so much to so many of us, to me, to him, and feeling the obvious support of my loved one was just so much. And of all times to be reminded of that love, H’s concert where he speaks of supporting each other, of having each other’s backs just a little bit more.. it felt very powerful.

Anyway. Rambling aside, I want to thank you for the advice and open arms. You are a wonderful example as to how fandom isn’t just about being a fan, it’s also about being a community. Sending you the biggest hug, all of the love and joy. Thank you. <3

(Also the fact that he decided to sing TBSL the next night and not when I was there felt like a hate crime but that’s beside the point).

MY FRIEND!!!!!! I was just thinking about you yesterday!!!! Now you are here and when i tell you this message made me cry, it REALLY made me cry. But it was happy tears so many happy tears i haven't had in a while.

It means the world to know every little tidbit you shared. It sounds like the best time. I'm like hugging your cousin in my head for gripping your hand during that. I'm so happy you went crazy and wild and danced. Harry would be so fucking thrilled to know that you felt embraced and loved and accepted by him. That's everything he says he wants his shows to be. I'm so comforted to know that still exists in tour!

You are so so so brave and strong for embracing your queerness whether you are out or not. Makes no difference in your bravery! I wish i could send this message to harr, god i just know he would love it.

I can't thank you enough for coming back to share! This made my whole day. AND GOD, that last line you wrote about fandom is not just about being a fan but about being a community!!!!! PLASTER THAT ON THE WALLS OF TUMBLR PLEASE!!!!

Im sorry my chicago night stole tbsl from you 😩 someone needs to scold harry...i will do so on your behalf!

You are an a little queer angel, anon, and gosh i'm so proud of you!!!!!

[circus4apsycho8]

lemon drops. | ii | ib ~ garry x reader

chapter i here.

~ two ~

Rest assured your name will be spelled correctly in my contacts :)

It’s you! I’m glad to hear it.

Idk if you’ll be free but I was going to stop by the coffee shop again today

After my classes. Thinking about talking a walk or something after

I can certainly make another stop there

A walk? Any particular trail in mind?

Not really. I’ll probably just stroll through town

I like the sound of that. What time are you done with your classes?

A smile appears on your lips as you sort the details of your next meetup with Garry out. That turned out pretty well, despite the fact you had been a little nervous to text him. In any case, you hop off of your bed, noting that it’s time for you to get ready for class.

With that thought in mind, you mindlessly proceed throughout your morning routine. After your belongings are in hand, you open the door to your room before stepping out into the hallway. As you gently pull it shut, the sound of small footsteps catches your attention.

“Morning!” your little sister greets, grinning widely as you bend down to give her a hug.

“Hey, Ib. Did you sleep well?”

“I did! Did you?”

“I slept well enough,” you reply, listening to her as the two of you start making your way downstairs.

“That’s good. I had a really weird dream.”

“Oh? Do you remember what it was about?”

“Kind of,” she answers as the two of you reach the bottom of the staircase, both turning towards the kitchen. “I just remember a scary-looking face. It was blue and had weird eyes and a creepy smile.”

“That sound scary,” you mumble, ruffling her hair a little bit. “I’m sorry you had to dream about that.”

“Thanks, but it wasn’t that bad. I just hope I don’t have to dream about it again.”

“Hopefully you won’t have to,” you say, spying your parents in the living room. “Good morning.”

They look up, both sending you a smile. “Morning girls. Sleep well?”

“I did. Ib said she had a nightmare, though.”

“Oh no! What was it about?” your mom asks, shifting her gaze to Ib.

“A creepy doll or something…it just kept staring at me.”

“Well, it can’t hurt you now,” you dad adds, smiling softly. You nod, about to say something when you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket. A glance at the screen reveals that it’s a message from Garry:

Look at what I found!!

Attached is a picture of a chunky little groundhog peacefully nibbling on a patch of grass. You giggle quietly, typing a quick response:

Oh, that’s so cute!

“What’re you giggling at?” questions your father, taking a sip from his coffee as he eyes you.

“Oh, a friend just sent me a meme,” you reply, slipping your phone back into your pocket.

“I see.”

“Well, we hope you both have a great day. Take snacks if you need them, and be careful on your way there and back!”

“We will, Mom. Love you guys!”

“We love you too. Stay safe!”

…

The day drags on as normal once you drop Ib off at her school. Every class had been filled with you impatiently checking the time every so often. With every passing minute, you grew more and more excited about your upcoming meeting with Garry.

Since you get out earlier than Ib does today, that means you can walk with Garry before you pick her up. You have about two hours before that rolls around, and Garry should be at the coffee shop by the time you arrive.

As soon as your last class ends, you gather your belongings quickly before exiting. You mentally groan when you see that the elevator already has a line of people waiting for its ascent, so you decide to take the stairs again.

Thankfully, the light spring in your step makes the descent a bit easier to bear this time around. You’re on the ground floor before you know it.

Once more, the cool breeze envelopes your skin the moment you step outside. A soft smiles lines your lips as you pull out your phone, opening your messages app:

Hey Garry! I’m on my way now, I should be there in about five minutes or so

I’ll be waiting :)

“Nice,” you mumble as you read the message, stuffing your phone back in your pocket afterwards. The walk this time around seems much shorter than it was yesterday. Not that you’re complaining, because it seems like forever since you’ve wanted to talk to someone like this.

Soon enough, you find yourself in front of the café again. You push the door open, glancing inside to find Garry sitting at the same spot, phone in hand.

“Garry!”

He turns before smiling, standing up as you make your way over to him.

“Hello there!” he greets.

“Hey,” you respond. “How are you?”

“I’m doing well, and how about yourself?”

“I’m fine, thank you.” You really like how he’s so well-mannered, and actually enunciates his words. It sends a fluttery feeling to your stomach – one that feels almost nostalgic in an odd way.

“I decided it would be better if we ordered together, since we’re walking,” he says as the two of you approach the counter.

“Oh, thank you.”

“Of course.”

With that, the two of you place your orders before waiting at the end of the counter again. The silence between the two of you is comfortable, thankfully. You’re still excited, but part of you is growing a bit nervous now.

You dart from thought to thought for a few minutes before the barista slides your drinks onto the counter, smiling at the two of you. You realize it’s the same one that served you yesterday.

“Hey guys! Good to see you again. Sorry about the mix-up yesterday.”

“That’s quite all right,” Garry replies. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it!” you add, picking up your drink. “Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome. Have a great day, guys.”

“You too!”

With that, the two of you swiftly exit the coffee shop, prepared for the walk.

You notice Garry has gone silent, staring ahead distantly. You follow his gaze, only to see that the old art gallery is the subject of his attention.

“Ever been in there?” you question.

“I visited it once, almost a year or so ago,” he comments, frowning.

“Funny. I went around a year ago too,” you say. Could that have been where you saw him?

“Interesting. Perhaps that’s where we saw each other?”

“It could be,” you note. “Wait. My sister went too. Maybe she’d recognize you, since she was with me that day?”

“Oh, maybe!”

“You should come with me when I go to pick her up from school, then. Her memory is way better than mine.”

He laughs a little, closing his eye as he does so. It makes you wonder why he hides his other eye behind his hair. “How long do you have until then?”

“A little under two hours,” you say, stepping a little closer to Garry in order to give passing people more room to walk. The two of you are still outside of the coffee shop, studying the art gallery intently.

“Ah, plenty of time.”

“Yeah. So, which way should we go?”

“I say we begin by heading right. From there, we can just go where the wind takes us.”

“I like the sound of that,” you say as the two of you start walking.

From there, you both fall into another comfortable silence. It seems to be a bit more thoughtful this time around, but as you sip on your drink and view your surroundings, you feel your shoulders relaxing more and more. How long had it been since you just enjoyed time with a friend like this?

For the most part, it remains quiet, but the two of you exchange a bit of get-to-know-the-other questions. You’re surprised at how comfortable you feel with him. It’s…natural. Like this is how things are supposed to be. Despite this, you know there’s something you’re missing.

It takes you a second to realize that Garry has stopped, leaving you a few feet in front of him. He’s turned towards the forest encircling the town, his eye apparently having been caught.

“Garry? Is something wrong?”

“I… No, but…well, I can’t quite explain it. But I feel like…” he trails off, frowning as he steps forward. Curiosity piqued, you follow him, staying quiet when he bends down to look at something.

“This,” he states, picking the object up. You frown, going to look at it.

“A blue petal?” you wonder, frowning. “What’s that doing here? It’s fall, and there are no blue flowers over here.”

Your friend nods in agreement. “I have the strangest feeling that I should hold onto this.”

“Then keep it somewhere safe. Your gut is almost always right.”

You’re about to add something when…

“Ow!” you cry, grunting as a sharp pain emanates from your head. It’s like a headache, but way more intense.

You hear Garry saying your name before he too cries out, kneeling down as well. You clutch your skull, willing for the pain to subside, when…

A/N: Thanks for the support on this series so far! I hope you enjoyed. I hope that the next chapter will be out soon. Reblogs, likes, and comments are all highly appreciated <3333 Also, please let me know if you'd like to be tagged for updates :D

[worldsover]

Fermata ft. Chuu

length ✦ 5651

genres ✧ Dal Segno sequel; dirty talk; oral; makeup fetish; more subby!Chuu

✦✧✦✧✦✧

You write to keep your concentration and disconnect you from your ever-changing concerns. For all your ideas, the true crux of putting a piece together is actually making something concrete. The self-control you require to be consistent, and consistently creative, is what makes music so hard to stay focused on. This album must be finished. This year. No written promises but you have to do right by her after all you've invested. You fucked Jiwoo in the mouth yesterday. Real right of you to do.

“Coming!” Jiwoo must be far from the front door with how her holler resounds the apartment. Where do you put your hands? Pockets are natural though they don't feel like it. Many but not enough footsteps grow in loudness but you expect a stampede anyway when the door opens. Instead, only Yerim and Sooyoung manifest in the opening hallway.

“Hello, oppa! Jiwoo unnie is just… Umm. Taking care of business.” Yerim playfully elbows you when she pulls you in but you stop her to take your shoes off. Sooyoung sends a brusque wave your way and not much else as she collects assorted effects and clothing around the living room. There isn’t nearly as much noise as you expect.

Look around in confusion. “Did I miss something? Is today a holiday?”

“Jiwoo isn’t the only one who’s got schedules, PD-nim,” Sooyoung says.

Yerim turns around. She also has some nicer pants on, and a loose-fitting red top. “Unnie, you’re just visiting your family.”

“And that’s a schedule.”

“Well oppa, I have a CF to film so, ha!” Yerim raises a hand, victorious she just won the conversation. High five. She’s satisfied but Sooyoung gives no regard, clearly looking for something.

“What about the other girls?” you ask.

“I’m not a manager. Just count yourself lucky the dorm is so empty.” Yerim says.

“Damn, we can even record some demos too. Good thing I brought the mic. Hold on, before you guys go, wanna listen to some of our songs?” you say.

“Finally!” Yerim says.

“Just play it out loud, I can hear it,” Sooyoung says. You offer your help with whatever she’s searching for though she brushes you off and insists she can do it herself.

Yerim brings out a bluetooth speaker from underneath the living room couch and coughs because of whatever dust she just procured.

Pull out your Macbook from your backpack and connect it to the speaker. You think about which track to play and pick the one that shows off Jiwoo’s voice the best so far, Jiwoo - Deeper.

Yerim immediately gets into the beat, bobbing her head and dancing. However, when the chorus hits, her ears perk up and she starts cheering at the notes that Jiwoo belts. Sooyoung also turns an ear towards the speaker in curiosity.

A vacuum interrupts the music. Jiwoo swoops in with the machine, scurrying her shapely legs with no heed to their bareness. She pushes up her fake circle glasses and says over the commotion, “I knew you needed this! Oppa, hello!”

“I’m trying to listen to the music here!” Yerim covers her ears.

Sooyoung looks down and pauses at the edge of the couch. “Oh hey, there’s my bracelet! Really nice music by the way!”

“Wow, you guys are so kind.” Jiwoo says, her voice piercing the screaming vacuum without effort. She turns it off realizing she's the only one can really do so. “You still like the music now?”

“No unnie, I mean it,” Yerim says.

“Why are you wearing just that big tracksuit sweater? Do you even have shorts on?” you interrupt the gushing. Jiwoo turns around and hugs herself as if she dropped a towel, even though her immodesty comes from her lower body. Good thing no one notices her sweater ride up for a moment to reveal white panties. Sooyoung looks at you confused while Yerim smirks to match yours. She wasn't even looking at Jiwoo but she could probably tell from your face. Damn, she’s too perceptive.

“Well, it looks like that’s my cue to go,” Yerim says.

“I’m so confused,” Sooyoung looks back and forth at you and the other two girls in the room. You shrug your shoulders, pretending to take solace in her ignorance of the situation.

“Come on unnie, we’ll go together. I’ll go out to get money and you go out to get your kisses from mommy and daddy.” Somehow that didn’t sound too offensive but Sooyoung punches Yerim anyway.

“Oppa, can you finish vacuuming for me?” You’re about to make a retort about labor laws but Jiwoo runs to the bathroom and immediately you hear Jiwoo practicing melodic runs. They’re definitely not the ones you taught her, unless moaning was part of the routine.

“So she has to get her vocal cords ready too huh? I’m suuure that’s all she’s doing in there.” Yerim keeps poking at your bicep with two fingers. You turn on the vacuum to try and hide her overt naughtiness but Yerim’s devilish look tells enough. For full measure, she winks at you as she drags Sooyoung out of the dorm. Mental note to deal with that can of worms for later.

Head to the big bedroom where Jiwoo’s still doing vocal exercises. Three bunk beds line the walls while pillows, blankets and bean bags litter the floor. As the centrepiece of the room sits a simple wooden table, short enough to rest on the polystyrene filled chairs while adequately comfortable to get work done. She stands proud on top of the table as she practices the actual runs you tell her to do.

“Oh, oh, ohhhhh, oh, ohhhhppa!” She jumps down from the table and nearly tackles you when she locks her legs around you in a hug. Take a second to balance yourself while holding her as tightly as possible.

“Jiwoo, you’re eager today.”

“Of course I am, oppa. I’m soooo excited to. Record. Of course.”

“Well if you are, please get off of me.”

“Oppa! You don’t like my hugs?” she says nearly falsetto. Her aegyo throws you off, so you throw her off. Onto a bean bag. “I guess that’s a no.”

“No, not no. I mean. We have to be focused, Jiwoo. Is there any rope or anything?”

“You just said we have to be focused, oppa.”

You wave your hands in denial. “What’d I say about acoustics?”

“Ohhh, like the foam at the studio?”

“Exactly. Especially with how big this room is, we’re going to have to need all the insulation we can get. Ahhh!” Your random shout rumbles throughout the room and startles the relaxing Jiwoo. 

She stands up. “I get it! Geez.”

“Oh yeah, I need a pop filter too.”

“A thin fabric right? For all the p-p-plosives.”

“Mhm.”

Inevitable. Jiwoo takes off her panties and you shake your head laughing in disapproval.

“Come on now, that’s just not sanitary,” you say.

“So you’re saying you don’t want them?”

“No, I’ll just confiscate them for your stupidity. Tsk. Find some pantyhose.“ She gets up. “Ahem. Not used.”

The panties have a tiny wet spot, and your nose takes a quick bask in its musk but Jiwoo immediately catches you.

“And I’m too horny,” Jiwoo says with characteristic sass. You put it in your pocket as she gets pantyhose from her drawer. After fashioning a stand for the pantyhose for her to sing into, you both get to work hanging up blankets from the bunk beds while clotheslines become pillow-lines. A makeshift room within a room, still centered by the table but now surrounding you with cushioning cloth instead of acoustically reflective drywall.

Barely enough space for jumping jacks but you start doing them anyway and it flummoxes Jiwoo for a moment. You don’t need to tell her to join in. Sit down to play an instrumental from the laptop and she pauses the exercise before you motion for her to continue. 

“I need you with the right energy for the beat.”

“Yeah, I figured. Synthwave is really popular now, huh?” Her bouncing to the rhythm rides her hoodie up again but now her cute slit and bare legs are plain to see. Your tongue dries your lips. She catches her breath before stretching one last time. Keep it together. “So are we recording?” 

You nod. Take out the microphone and two pairs of in ear monitors for listening, and connect all the devices to the computer. After setting everything up, Jiwoo gets up and you hold the microphone and filter for her.

Click. “Aaand, recording.”

Click. “One more.”

But that’s it. Two takes. You could not get a better sounding Jiwoo than that. Not a quick demo but the actual release vocal track, since even in such an imperfect recording environment, it sounds perfect to your ears. A little frustration since where was this Jiwoo in all the previous sessions? Maybe you’ll have to consider more visits for recording though you’re not sure if you could make another miracle happen to have everyone else out of the dorm at the same time.

“Jiwoo, that was a- Dammit, that was perfect,” you say.

“Of course, it was!” Not that there’s much room in the improvised recording studio but she ensures you feel even less of it when she gets closer. “Sooo. Wanna fuck my face?”

“That’s not the arrangement! You didn’t mess up.” 

“You definitely sound disappointed I did a good job,” Jiwoo says.

”Of course I’m not disappointed.” You sigh. Are we doing this again? A single flitter of her brows. “I’m not going to fuck your face this time, okay? You have to be able to take that dick all the way down yourself.”

No protests. She lowers her head once in gratitude. 

"Thank you for the meal!" Jiwoo says as she shows off her pearly whites in a big smile. She turns her head up to look at you lovingly as she cups your balls with her hands before she lowers her head again for a precursory smooch onto your cock. This time, she gives the same slow care to your shaft with her lips as she is to your balls with her hands. As if she wasn't going to ruin her makeup.

Restraining your panting and cries of ecstasy is arduous enough with Jiwoo engulfing you when-

“Kim Jiwoo!” Sooyoung’s voice reverberates from maybe the living room or the foyer.

Jiwoo side-eyes the study door. Her head does not stop its seesaw. Is this girl so entranced by your cock that she feels not an ounce of dread?

Sooyoung yells, “I forgot something! Just wanted to let you know I’ll be back later with dinner!”

“Okay! Thanks! We’re busy,” you choke on your words as Jiwoo does the same on your dick, “Uh, listening to the mix!”

Sooyoung, still shouting, but attempting to say lower, “Sorry! I’ll go now. Bye.”

Wait a few minutes before getting up, and of course Jiwoo’s lips are still wrapped around your cock as you walk towards the door. Dorm is empty. She must have performed magic taking off her shirt and underwear to play with herself because you can't remember if she's ever stopped sucking you off. The kinematics don't add up. More likely, you’re slightly faint from her perilous suction, making left and right difficult directions to parse from each other.

"Fuck you're already so good, Jiwoo." 

Pull her up and carry her to deposit onto the bottom bunk of the bed by the window.  She ends up belly diving onto the mattress’ surface and her buttcheeks recoil just the slightest bit.  Jiwoo notices and starts giggling when she plays around with her perky cheeks.

"You like my ass, oppa?" Nod.

“I said I wasn’t going to fuck your face today. Fuck. Maybe I’ll fuck you there instead,” you say in a low bass.

Her eyes turn into full moons at your suggestion. You laugh. 

”Naughty fucking girl. Next time, when you’re a good girl. Such a fun ass though.” Follow through with the compliment as you line up your cock to the prone girl’s mouth, arcing down to fondle her round buns. It's a miracle and also a bit embarrassing that your erection is soft after all that. Best guess is that it's had so much stimulation, but all of the masturbation after recalling your previous facefuck probably didn't help. Jiwoo takes her index and middle digits and raps them on your cock to a freeform beat.

“Aww oppa, your cock. I need to make it big and meaty again,” Jiwoo whines and her pout confesses that she's a little disheartened, however her eyes are more determined.

“Tell me all the ways you want me to use you." She raises her vivid eyebrows and lists her head a little forward. “Okay, miss ‘I won’t let go of this cock even when there’s others in the house’. Don’t worry, we have plenty of time. Just relax and go on.”

“Hmph. Fine. Well, your dick is right here, sooo after I lick it up,” which she begins doing by inspecting your shaft with intent, before finding a spot she deems scrumptious enough to lap up. “You fuck this dirty mouth pussy clean while I play myself on my tummy just like this.”

Jiwoo sounds ridiculous talking with her tongue out but at the same time, her cheeky lisp fortifies your cock. Her hands wander underneath herself and she reels back, titillated by her own words. You watch the small woman fondling herself with both hands while your erection at half-mast presses against her face in suspense.

“I could flip myself over and I’d never let go of oppa’s cock, I promise, then you could see your bulge in my fuck hole.”

How could this girl talk so filthy? Her face doesn’t even look like it should utter the word darn, yet here she is giving a study of her throat’s distension from your dick.

Jiwoo continues, one hand rubbing her clit fervently, “Then, maybe. Maybe oppa could get on top of me and pretty please eat my little pussy out while he shoves his cock into me?”

You couldn’t just stand idly by, though it wouldn’t be the worst with how her mouth vibrates your cock harder as her tone gets more gravelly and hungry. When you reach down, you see her wet slit preoccupied with two fingers from her other hand. It doesn’t stop you from slipping one in the increasingly creamy hole.

“Then oppa, if you still wanna at least?” her voice shrinks, but then returns in volume as she crescendos, “You keep your mouth on my slit as you lift up my legs and your silly slut is upside down and she’s choking on your cock and Jiwoo can’t breath and all the blood rushing to her head and you cum and Jiwoo doesn’t let any of spill out cuz Jiwoo is a good slut for oppa, and oppa, oppa, please!”

You join in stroking and rubbing her squishy soaking pussy lips and she looks up from her haze.

“Kim Jiwoo.” Your voice is stern and it seems more than any physical stimulation that your deep beckon is what sends her past the edge. Her pussy swallows whole your finger still inside her, wetness replacing all sensation that the digit once had. She accompanies her whole body’s spasms with loud visceral moans. It takes more than a mere moment to close her eyes and restore her breathing. The bedroom smells a little salty from all the fluids leaking her mouth and slit.

“How much porn have you been watching?” you say.

“As much as you oppa.”

Swallow down a bit of spit. “Huh?”

“Remember our very first recording session, you forgot your laptop and I returned it to you?”

“Fuck,” you say. Jiwoo stretches and lay spread-eagle on the bed, a gooey strand connecting between her two thighs. She licks her fingers.

“You're lucky I found it. Oppa, it’s all your fault I’m like this. Plus all those fancams of me in the same folder. I wanted to confess sooner but I needed more opportunities to be with you.” She sucks her hand more earnestly.

“I didn’t think sucking dick counted as confessing.”

“Hey, I did say I like you. Did you already forget? Tsk. Typical boy.”

“Look at this dick.” You didn’t have to say that because she’s already drilling holes into it with her eyes. “Remember how I said I was basically recording for free? Make your own inferences.” The round shape of her mouth in understanding is perfect.  "Now, open wide."

"Yes! Mm..."

 It’s hard to say which position is your favorite.

Fucking her face is straightforward but you pay closer attention. You’re certainly not down that deep, as you can still feel her uvula recoil on your tip and react with thick gagged out spit. Nothing like your cum but she sucks and spits the liquid in and out anyway. She definitely enjoys playing around with fluids in her mouth.

Jiwoo pulls away when she upturns herself, as she coughs with whatever throat muscles you hit. Her head hanging upside down off the mattress would be the perfect perspective to see your cock’s imprint on her neck but she still can’t manage the depth. The angle certainly makes your pistoning easier as your balls slap against your nose in more forceful pushes, playing vulgar slapping noises that mix with her gagging.

Afterwards, you lean over and move her head to get the mattress’s support instead of dangling. Hunch down to her wetness and the taste of her nectar more than makes up for the difficulty of thrusting while on top of her. Already having difficulty breathing with a cock in her airways, you don’t want to crush her under your weight. Still, you spend the most time between her thighs, taking in the muskiness of her pussy and all that it releases. It explains Jiwoo’s long drawn breath through her nose if you have a similarly alluring scent. There’s also the possibility your length steals too much air from her wet, gagging mouth but in this position, it’s her choice to hold your shaft in her throat for that much time.

Pick her up by the ass and cup the top of Jiwoo’s cheeks. Well, now they’re the bottom as she’s upside down in this piledriver sixty-nine position, both of you sucking and licking as closely as possible. She’s definitely enjoying the scents and tastes. You could drop her on her head and she'd thank you if you kept your cock in her mouth. Maybe you heard her mumble something like “yummy”, but anything resembling consonants are far past the point of physiology and linguistics. If anything, holding Jiwoo upside down makes her look more like a used sex doll than the cute girl that she is. 

A whole lot of mess to clean up later. Cans of Febreeze, maybe some rags and a mop. New sheets, soaked with nearly every bodily fluid mouthfucking can provide. However, all that work pales to the pure torture you’ve put upon yourself to not cum.  It helps with how often you pull out of her mouth as for all her prodigal gagging, she also looks thankful when you give her moments to rest her jaw and lips. Somehow you're in control the entire time yet you have not an ounce of it, avoiding your inevitable fate. Finally, you can rest. Now you’re thankful you jerked off many times before this to last as long as you have. 

Of course, resting did mean you were on an office chair and she was on her knees, but still. It’s a break from all the exercise.

“You know oppa,” she says with a smile on her face.

“I was waiting for you to ask,” mumbling as she often does on your erection.

“Jiwoo-ah! Wear lip gloss.” How she manages to get that out so adorably with a cock in her mouth, you will never know.

“But I figured,” bobbing down, “I was sucking you off so sloppily,” and up, “It’d be such a waste of makeup.”

The girl made a point though you say, “I’d still like to see it one time. Alright? I don’t wanna have to ask either.”

“Okayyyy.” She says as she purrs on your dick. The little devil knows how weak you are when she talks with a full mouth. You still aren’t going to succumb this time. Pulling out of her mouth is as difficult as last time but you snap your head back and you snap your head away. 

"Nooo." A familiar cry. What if she didn't even like the taste of cum? No time for questions as your body falls apart in the clashing brass and woodwinds. The obnoxious dissonance making you pulse and pulse. You aim below her neck to allow the cum to drip down her collarbones and petite tits. Rub her nipples, sticky with your load and she lets out a little squeal when you tweak them.

"Pwetty pwease oppa. Your cumdump Chuu-ah really wants your cum." She puts her pointer on her swollen cheek. God, she's too much for one man but that’s the situation you put yourself in. 

Plop. 

Plop.

"Jiwoo, please. It's so sensitive," you whimper as she keeps sucking the tip.

"You get to do whatever you want oppa."

"Fuck.” Pull Jiwoo off of you. “Maybe I will."

You collect your load from her tits as an impressive volume drips down.

"Ahh," Jiwoo says but you push her down one last time with your unstained hand and your other uses a finger to penetrate her little pussy, providing it with the semen that she desperately wants.

"I hope this is good enough for now." Her squeaks in time with each finger on your sticky hand exploring her insides confirm that it is indeed.

A step closer and your rehardening cock finds her labia, small but inviting. She gasps and shudders as you tease her pussy lips in a familiar way. It’s just as sensitive for her as it is for you with how much she sweats and writhes from the shaft The friction of the pussyjob is unbearable and instead of juices dripping from within her, a heavy volume of watery liquid squirts out. 

“I’m so, I’m so sorry oppa.”

“It’s okay, Jiwoo.” You put the tip in. “Doesn’t that feel so good.”

“Yes! Thank you. Awwww,” She says when you pop it out. In another world, that tip pushes past and you ravage her. But at this point, you have standards to uphold.

“Be a good girl for me and you can have more, okay?” Give her a rainbow dildo to practice with.

"Oh I already have one, oppa. This looks like it fits better though. Well I guess worse considering how much bigger it is. Just like. Yours. Fuck."

Despite all her orgasms, she looks ready to masturbate yet another time.

"We can't just cum all day Jiwoo," you say. She sighs and nods in understanding.

“Where am I gonna hide this? It really stands out.”

“Just keep it inside you.” Her eyes light up. “No wait.”

Jiwoo giggles. “C’mon oppa, they should be back any time soon.”

You finish up some final touches in your recording. There’s definitely more hitches when it comes to dealing with vocal recordings in such an improvised setting but it’s certainly not as much of a problem as looking at any of the other members in the eyes as you stay for dinner.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

tYou tend to get in a rush when you procrastinate as much as you do. It’s her first album, there’s no reason to rush her first album. Besides, the strength of any artist’s work is in their sophomore album, since they’ve had forever to work on that first one and now people are expecting the second. In either case, you really have time, but you don’t let yourself feel that. Instead, mixing and recording, once a job you enjoyed doing, has turned into a series of stressors in your life.

Jiwoo’s in a rush too. Why is she in such a rush?

“Hello. Oppa. I. Uh. Heard you got into a fender bender.” Every word sounds laborious as she opens the door to the studio. You step out into the hallway then look left and right. Nothing out of place.

“Yeah, just some scratches. You okay, Jiwoo?”

Her lips tuck in when she walks forward even a step. “Yep, doing juust fine. We gonna get to recording or what?”

“I mean if you say so.”

Each step towards the booth has her hitch her breath just a little, but she looks focused as ever so you waste no time and hit record. Should you text another member and ask if anything's off about Jiwoo today? Her singing is fine, maybe a little more vocal fry in her voice than usual, but it fits the sultry ballad.

You text Chaewon as Jiwoo keeps trying out different intonations for the pre-chorus.

Chaewon: "she was all flirty and weird today"

You: "lmao aight, tell something idk"

"yeah yeah, but this is different" 

"different how? she's always like that"

Jiwoo sees you typing and stops her singing to ask if anything's wrong. You shake your head and wave your free hand, gesturing for her to continue.

"i guess less wordy and more touchy today? good luck, lmk if you figure it out"

"i will. see ya later" 

Curious. You set your phone down and inspect Jiwoo's eyes and her crinkled nose. Hmm. 

A few hours later, you’re still recording. For how well the session at the dorm went, it feels like you’re back to square one with all of her mistakes today. She had such a good first takes too but her vocal quality is definitely receding, and in a different way than usual.

“I need to go to the restroom. I’ll be back,” you say into the microphone.

You go quickly to relieve yourself. A lot of water today. Needed it looking at Jiwoo in whatever weird state she's in. For some godforsaken reason you have an urge to take her mouth right now and completely ruin her. This album is never coming out.

Slowly creak the door to the studio open. No need for surprise anymore. Jiwoo pulls out a dildo from her sobbing vagina in the vocal booth and drags it up her body. Her eyes are closed, her focus clearly on the sensation of the dildo finally removed for her. She really went through with your suggestion. Must've been in there for a while considering Chaewon noticed something off earlier today. The dildo meets Jiwoo's lips, both wet from her desire and she shoves it in as deep as she can in the first try. 

Walk towards the Macbook and notice that it's recording. Shit, how much space did you have left on it? Hopefully, not going to have to clean it up later.

Finally, her eyes open and she smiles looking at you while she touches herself with one hand and deepthroats herself with the other using the toy you gave her.  She pauses her masturbation for a moment, tapping her ear. A new audio clip in Ableton, so put on your headphones.

“Come here oppa. I did a bad job today, didn’t I?”

The only words she needs for you to drop everything and walk into the booth. 

“You did,” you say as you unbuckle.

In a single stroke, she swallows your cock, matching the reinsertion of the dildo into her pussy. Jiwoo makes a tight vacuum seal with her luscious lips and shows off how well she manages her breath. Air squeezes through in her nose as you rarely unfastened yourself from her suction, and as she rarely allowed you to. Her lips are a good cock ring, her mouth a fleshlight. At the very least, this gave you much patience with her recording, knowing you were allowed to use your frustrations to turn the talented young lady into an object to use.

It’s incredible how little she has to touch herself to achieve orgasm when your cock is in her mouth. To be fair, keeping the dildo as long as she has inside of her must be a feat of its own.

“Jiwoo. Did you have this in you all day? I bet you’d prefer it were the real thing, huh?”

“Mmmhm. Mmmm!" She convulses at once. The toy squeezes in and out of her while she moans and spills saliva all over your cock. “Fuck, I wanted to cum all day but I had to wait. It’s your turn now, right?”

Jiwoo pulls out the soaked dildo and with her little fingers teases the skin of your dick before maintaining a tight grip. Her hand’s perfect rhythm and all the sucking she’s done so far today gets you right there and over the edge as quickly as she did. You unload all over the colorful sex toy and Jiwoo doesn’t let you have time to think as she puts the cum-covered toy back inside her.

You suck in some air. ”Who said you could have that cum? Lie down on the couch.” No pretense. Is there love between you two? Pull down her spotted top before mounting her modest but perky tits. It’s been barely a minute yet you’re already ready and solid once again. She tries to lean her head forward to retrieve her oral punishment-

“Thank you!”

Reward. Now that you think about it, maybe this isn’t working. The supine girl beneath you flitters her lashes, curious as to why you haven’t yet thrust into her mouth.

“You know much I love to see you work for it. Go on.”

As your cock is standing upwards at attention, she struggles raising her head to match yours, gently poking her tongue out to lick the frenulum.

“Ahh. No fair! I can’t reach. Ppfh.” She spits on it in frustration. “Ppptt. Let me have it.”

Her tongue wiggles around fruitlessly. Spit on her face in retort and you both laugh looking at the mess you’ve made. Yet at last, after playing with her food for what feels like an eternity, Jiwoo manages to wrangle your head with her tongue, guiding it to her eager lips.

“Now I better not feel that barrier, okay? Track 1.” And slowly force your way into her throat. You feigned frustration with her inability to fully take you down, but this was heaven. Regardless, stopped by her cursed reflex, you say: 

“Not good enough.” You’d almost feel bad about this.

“Again.” If it didn’t feel so good.

“One more.” Another submersion into her sopping mouth, the friction of her soft lips and tongue opposes all the lubricating slop from her throat. 

Unsheathe. “Oppa, oppa wait. Let me get something. You’ll like it.” You concede, getting off of her, and she pulls from her purse bright red lip gloss. “Watch me stain your cock!”

In a rush, Jiwoo vandalizes her lips red. Her makeup artist would be embarrassed. Of course, that makeup artist would be outright scandalized if they could see the precious idol with her back hunched over the arm of the couch, her upside down face inviting you.

You walk up and give her a good view of your balls. Tickle her neck and she leans forward to plant a pure kiss. On your cock head. “You know we haven’t kissed once yet? You haven’t even said anything about how you feel about me!”

“Neither did you.” Move your hands from Jiwoo’s neck to her bare chest and play with her stiffening nipples.

“Well, let me show you.” She plants another smooch on your shaft. And another. Yet another, until it’s turned into a full-on makeout session with your penis. The upended Jiwoo has to twist herself to leave the entirety of your flesh marked with lipstick stains. However, her best work is her french kiss where takes your dick in and plays around with her tongue, as if the mindless beast could kiss back. She leans her head back out one more time to receive you.

A sharp push and her tiny tits respond with the subtlest jiggle. 

All but an inch of your shaft covered red. “I’m so close,” she pouts.

“Well, so am I.” You keep thrusting and feel your orgasm get closer. You’re on the edge.

“Mwah.” Her lips’ release leaves your blank head even emptier.  “Mwah mwah, mwah.” She fixes her top back and wipes around her lips.

She takes wet wipes then a mask from her purse while you stand dumbfounded. There are four walls in the room. Wires spill from your laptop. One, two, three, four. You are one beat away from orgasm.

Her voice snaps your focus back. “Oppa, that was a good recording session, but you know. Ha Rin unnie has to pick me up. Bye!” Jiwoo scampers away, wiping at her face.

You might actually explode next time, in more ways than one. Guess you deserve this one though.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

AFF, AO3

Just wanted to get one more thing done before the new year so I chose this since like I said, this was originally written as one part. In fact, this is actually the very first smut I wrote. However, I kept getting stuck and adding more, so a trilogy it is then. That’s right, one last one coming up!

[give-seconds]

Sweet Lies

Summary: Sungchan wants to tell you something but is scared to do it face to face. So, he decides to write you letters telling you everything he wants to say.

Paring: Sungchan x female reader

Genre: Angst 

Warnings: cheating

Word count: 2.3K

---

Hi y/n,

I don’t know if you’re ever going to get these. I mean, as of right now, my intention isn’t to give you them. I guess these letters, like the reason they even exist, are for me. Through these letters, I hope to tell you everything I wish I had the guts to say to your face. I wish I could say this was all a mistake and that I could man up and beg for your forgiveness. But it isn’t a mistake. This is a conscious decision I made once and am continuing to make again.

Maybe you’ll even forgive me.

Love,

Sungchan

----

Good morning y/n,

You were gone when I woke up this morning. You wrote me this cute little note about how you had some special surprise planned for me today. I’m sorry, I’ll have to cancel. I already have plans today. I already know what I’ll say to you. I’ll say something about how my work assigned me to a special project and that I have to work late to help design the framework or something like that. Really though, it’s her birthday today, and I promised I’d spend it with her.

I wish I hated myself enough to stop.

Love,

Sungchan.

---

Hi y/n,

It’s kind of funny, actually. Today, you were telling me about a song you found that “is making its way” to becoming your favorite song. It’s a song from the cheater’s point of view. After you played it for me, you said you didn’t know if you could ever forgive someone who cheated on you. That you should be enough for someone, and if the person you’re dating doesn’t realize that, then they’re not someone you would miss.

After that, I was so stressed, I called her as soon as I got home. Her voice is the only thing that can calm me down when things like this happen between me and you.

I’m sorry,

Sungchan

—

Hi y/n,

Today the guilt I felt was too heavy. I called into work sick and spent the day stuffing everything you’ve ever given me into a box. It was too loud. One of the last things I put into the box was our undergrad graduation photo. It’s only been two years since then, but we look so young. Maybe it’s because I look at that photo and think how soon after that, we started our relationship. Back then, you were the only person I could see myself with.

Five months ago, I met someone who made me feel like that again. Those feelings are still there for you—I hope you never think I lost them. I just found someone who holds an equal part in my heart as you do.

Know I love you,

Sungchan

—-

My Dearest,

You showed up at our front door crying. Judging from the frantic knocks on my door from Jungwoo, you scared him pretty bad. Not many can scare Jungwoo like that; he must really like you.

Anyways, after a cup of hot chocolate, you told me what was wrong. You said your dad had another kid with another woman and that he’d never told you about it. That when you were young, he used to have “conference meetings” with the other higher-ups that lasted a few days.

He was really visiting his other family. Your mom even knew about it; you were the only one who didn’t know. You said that you’ve never been hurt by a lie before. While drying your eyes, you decided lies were the worst thing. That from here on out, you are going to live as honestly as you could. You then asked me if I was hiding anything from you and begged me to tell you if I was. “I can’t handle any more secrets, Sungchan. So if you have anything you’re hiding from me, please, please just tell me. I need to get it all over with now.”

I almost cried when you said that, and I’m thankful you couldn’t hear the lie in my voice when I said I wasn’t keeping anything from you. There have only been a few times the bracelet she’s given me felt like it was burning my skin. At that moment, when you begged me to tell you anything I was hiding, it felt like my wrist was on fire. As soon as you left, I practically ripped it off.

I love you, and I’m so sorry,

Sungchan

---

Hey love,

I was looking through these letters today before I went to bed (I’m writing this one as a spur-of-the-moment thing before I go to sleep), and I realized I’ve only been writing about how I hate what I’m doing. And while that is true, I don’t want you thinking that’s the only emotion I feel. I know what I’m doing is wrong, and I don’t deserve to be anything close to the good guy. With that being said, I owe you the truth. But if hearing me talk about my relationship with her is too painful, I suggest skipping this letter.

I met her about six months ago at a flower shop. It’s the shop I bought the flowers I got you for your birthday. She helped me pick them out. Now I don’t know what came over me, but when she asked me who I was getting flowers for, I told her they were for my mom. Before I left, she gave me her number. I almost threw it away, but right before I let go, something stopped me.

I felt something for her, and I still do. It felt like what I felt for you when I first started realizing I liked you. The immediate feeling of comfort that comes when I hear her voice, the blinding smile, the beautiful personality. It was all the same as when I met you.

I’m not trying to say she’s you; she’s more emotional when it comes to watching movies (I still want to find one that’ll make you cry, I know there’s one out there), and she’s a bit more hyper than you are. But the point I want to make is, the things I feel for you, I feel for her. I don’t know how much that’ll mean to you when (if) you read these, but know I feel so much for you. You were the light of my college years, and you continue to brighten my day.

But so does she. She knows things I don’t and can open my mind to a whole new world. She’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met, and it’s frankly amazing.

I’m trying hard not to talk too much about her in this—I don’t want you to think she’s better than you. I just want you to understand that no matter how many times I talk about how much I hate myself or the guilt I feel, I continue to tell you and her lies. As long as I have you two by my side, I’ll continue telling lies.

You both mean so much to me,

Sungchan.

---

Hey y/n,

This letter will be pretty short; I just wanted to tell you what a good day it was today. We spent the whole day together, which always feels therapeutic. I bought us lunch, we went go-carting (I beat you because you were too scared to go fast, it was great), and we looked around at different shops before we went back to my apartment to have dinner with Jungwoo.

It just feels right being with you, and I can’t thank you enough for being in my life. I think we’re a good fit, and so do you. It’s nice to be with someone who thinks so similarly to me, and I can’t get over how well we fit together. I mean, when you left, Jungwoo couldn’t stop talking about how lucky I am to have found someone who fits me so well.

I’m kind of rambling at this point, but I feel so much love for you right now that I wanted to put it down somewhere.

Thank you for being the person you are and loving me like I love you,

Sungchan

---

I’m so sorry,

I thought it was important I let you know right off the bat that I am sorry. Yesterday, I forgot about a date we arranged. We were out looking for a birthday present for her younger brother and got distracted looking at all the different shops. I never even heard the phone ring when you called. You called me five times before you texted and told me you were leaving. You had even tried to make a joke sending me a text that said: “at least we didn’t make reservations.”

Then today, I bought you flowers and told you that I was busy showing the intern around. That I had to do it on a Saturday because he’s from our office in Japan and takes Korean lessons on the weekdays. We do have an intern from our office in Japan here, but I’m not the one showing him around. You told me it was okay and that you understood, but I could tell you were still really hurt.

I feel like an idiot. I know cheating is bad, but I told myself that when I got into another relationship, I would never forget a date with either of you. That was the only standard I was trying to hold myself to, and I failed.

I’ll try harder to never forget a date again,

Sungchan

---

Hey y/n,

I think this is the last letter I’ll get to write to you. Well, I don’t think, I know.

You came to me today, asking what I was doing last night. I lied and told you I was at home watching TV. If there’s anything I will never forget about that conversation, it’s how you looked at me. You had smiled, nodding your head as you looked at me with teary eyes. You looked heartbroken.

When I tried to hug you and ask what was wrong, you shook your head no and backed away from me. Now that truly broke me. So I asked you what happened and you told me about how someone you knew saw me at the movie theater with a girl. You asked me to tell you who the girl was, and I begged you not to do this. I said that if you did this, it wouldn’t end well. That all the memories we had made together would be tainted.

You laughed and told me it wasn’t your fault the memories would be tainted; it was mine. You then asked me again to tell you who the girl was, and I told you what I had done.

I’m not sure when I started crying, and I’m still crying as I write you this letter. You were crying too as you told me we were over. I asked you to listen to me, and you just shook your head. As you walked to the door, you told me you would come by tomorrow to give me the stuff I keep at your house that I should pack up everything of yours. That’s how I’m going to give you these letters.

You also told me that if I’m still a decent person, I would tell the other girl about you. Believe me, after seeing your reaction I want to. But I can’t lose you both. Maybe soon, the guilt I feel when I look at her will make me strong enough to tell her.

Believe me, I know how selfish that is. I just can’t bring myself to do it.

I’m so sorry, and I love you,

Sungchan

---

Sungchan,

I couldn’t even bring myself to say something like “hi” or “dear,” you’re not dear to me anymore. That’s not to say this doesn’t hurt; I still can’t believe you did this to me. I mean, I thought I knew who you were.

I’m not writing this to tell you it’s okay or that I understand you through these letters. I’m mostly writing this because I don’t think I can face you right now. Again, I will never understand how you could do this. I thought I knew you. We’ve known each other for four years, two of which we were dating, and I still can’t believe I don’t know who you are. So while I don’t blame myself for this, I can’t help but wonder. If I knew you better, would you have been able to lie to me for so long?

I hope you know you’re not the hero here. You wrote that one letter about how you didn’t think you deserved to be the good guy, but you wouldn’t be writing these letters if you didn’t think you were justified in some way. You were in no way a decent person, and I hope you remember that.

You also tried to say you loved me throughout your affair. If you loved me, we wouldn’t even be having whatever this is right now. If you loved me, you would have told me about her when I asked you to tell me if you were hiding anything. If you loved me, it would have been you who told me about your cheating and not a coworker. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was for me? This lady who I only talk to on occasion now knows my boyfriend didn’t value me enough to be committed to our relationship. She only knew what you looked like because she happens to follow me on Instagram and saw all the photos of us I had posted. You don’t love me, and I hope you can stop lying to yourself.

And you’re right—you are being completely selfish by not telling her. So I decided I had to be the bigger person, once again, and tell her myself. I swallowed my pride and asked my coworker to look through your followers with me until she found the girl she saw you out with. I sent a message to her explaining the situation, and guess what? She believed me. You should be hearing from her soon—that is if you haven’t already.

Goodbye cheater,

Y/n

---

Thank you all for reading! I’ve been listening to Sweet Lies by EXO a lot lately, so I decided to write this. Thank you to @jiwvnie and @pastelsicheng for proofreading this for me! 

I would love to know what you thought about this, and I hope you all have a great day/night!

Masterlist

[fanfickittycat]

Time After Time

TITLE: Time After Time

CHAPTER NUMBER/ONE SHOT: One Shot

AUTHOR: fanfickittycat

FANDOM: Haikyuu!!

CHARACTERS/PAIRING: Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader

GENRE: Hurt/Comfort

FIC SUMMARY: The lack of a response after confessing your feelings to Ushijima leaves you heartbroken, but all it took was some time

RATING: T 

AUTHORS NOTES/WARNINGS: My stupid sad brain and my desire to write about Ushijima combined to make this. If you’d like to read it on AO3 you can find it here

The words hung in the air as soon as they left your mouth. After the months of pining, and dreaming, and trying to get him to confess first, you had finally decided to bite the bullet and admit that you were hopelessly in love with the Ace of the Schweiden Adlers. The silence that followed was painful. You avoided his gaze, instead looking at your shoes, a pair of dark heels that you were hoping would bolster your confidence. In fairness to them, they had made you feel powerful and poised, but now it felt like balancing on stilts.

“Oh” his deep voice rumbled, breaking through your thoughts and sending the butterflies in your stomach fluttering all at once. You peeked up to look at him. He was so handsome. Tall and solid, with his bag slung over his shoulder from practise earlier in an effortless way that you admired. He always looked so cool without even meaning to. He was looking up at the pinks and oranges of the sky, letting the light of the setting sun cast his face in gold. Your heart somersaulted in your chest as you waited for something to follow. Anything. But he remained quiet, as the spring breeze ruffled his hair.

Dread began to set in. The flush of embarrassment and the chill of rejection created a cocktail of emotion inside of you, but you pressed your lips together and forced the sob in your throat to stay still. You knew you were going to cry and there was no stopping it, you just wanted to make sure you were away from him before the tears spilled.

“I-it’s okay” you said, your throat felt hoarse even though you hadn’t said much. You attempted to straighten up, to show him that you accepted his refusal of your affection. You tilted your head up, feeling the threat of tears in your eyes. Your lip quivered but you stayed rigid in your stance.

“I’m sorry I bothered you” you managed to say before a hot tear streamed down your face. You turned, letting go of a breath you had been holding for what felt like weeks. You marched away, willing your legs to take steps even though it felt like you suddenly forgot how to walk. You rounded a corner and stepped back so that the cool exterior of one of the buildings pressed against your back. You had half hoped to hear footsteps following after you; a cry of your name or something. Nothing. Dizziness filled your mind and you slid down the wall, hugging your legs to your chest as you wept into your knees. You knew you were being pathetic but really, you had believed that there was something there. Ushijima was always standoffish, but you had felt something kindled between you, a soft warmth that emitted every time his lips tugged into a small smile for you, or the way he’d listen to you and offer his advice sagely. Last week you had gone to a practise game of his and you’d cheered loudly enough to catch his attention. He had waved to you and even though the action was small it made you mindlessly happy for days. His cold demeanour meant that he didn’t do things like that for just anyone… But perhaps his tiny gestures were just that, insignificant. Maybe he was humouring you? Perhaps he smiled just because it was the basic kind thing to do; and he listened and offered advice because he wanted you to stop going on about your problems; maybe he just waved because he was being polite. The realisation sunk deep into you, seeping into your bones. You felt heavy and tired by the revelation. You stood up shakily, grasping at the brick wall behind you for support. You ended up grazing your hand a little, but the soreness felt good in a weird way. It brought your attention away from the turmoil in your heart. You made yourself walk home, wanting to take your time because you were afraid of having to confront the emotional maelstrom in you again. You felt like hell when you woke up the next morning. Your eyes burned, and when you rubbed them, you winced at the soreness. They felt swollen. Your nose hurt too from the constant blowing, and your mouth felt dry and stale. Pathetic was the first word in your mind. Followed quickly by sad, tragic, and pitiable. You had things to do today, places to be that weren’t your bedroom. You ran through the list of chores in your head: it was Saturday so you should change your sheets today, and clean the bathroom, and you needed to make a grocery list and go out to buy the stuff, and then you should get a head start on some work that would make Monday easier. You closed your eyes again and when you opened them two hours had gone by. You groaned into your pillow. Not only were you unfortunate, but you were also now behind on everything. A true mess. You pushed yourself to go take a shower, making the water colder than you usually liked in an attempt to shock you back to life.

You completed your tasks at home, but you felt lifeless doing it, like a zombie. The satisfaction that came with completing the chores didn’t come. You hoped the fresh air would help, and looked over your grocery list, feeling listless. You didn’t want to put any effort into the way you looked today, opting to throw on a pair of jeans that were ripped at the knee not because they came like that, but because they were old. Your hoodie was huge on you, but you had bought it with the deluded intention that this is what it would feel like to wear Ushijima’s. You looked at his clothes so fondly sometimes, jealous of the way they got to be so close to him. One night he had lent you his jacket because it was colder than the weather reports had predicted and you almost swooned. His jacket was sturdy and warm like him, and it smelt vaguely minty and clean like him. You had ended up falling asleep in his jacket, liking the way it felt like he was holding you.

The memory flooded back into your mind when you browsed the soap section, prompting your heart to race as you looked for his brand. When your eyes landed on it felt like a relief. A painful one, perhaps, but a relief all the same. Your hands hovered near the bottle. This was a way to stay close to him even when you couldn’t physically be with him. A link to the stoic man who had your heart. It was a little more expensive than the one you usually bought, and it stung that your normal brand was on sale, but you wanted to allow yourself one indulgence.

Outside the air was colder than last night. You’d heard something this morning about a cold spell hitting Tokyo as you folded your laundry, and you wished that you brought a scarf with you. Your arms ached from the weight of the bag in your hands. In the process of psyching yourself up to face the world you had forgotten your own bags and had to pay for some in the supermarket. The plastic, though biodegradable, felt thin in your cold hand. You gripped it tightly and turned to go home but your determination was interrupted by the thump of items hitting the ground.

“Fuck” you cursed under your breath, looking down at your groceries strewn about on the pavement. You could’ve cried there and then.

“I didn’t know you favoured this brand too” your blood turned to ice as your eyes snapped to the figure before you. He regarded the bottle calmly before starting to pick up the pack of spaghetti, and the bag of apples.

“U-Ushijima?” You hated that you stuttered but your mind was completely blank at this point. You couldn’t even fathom how you were able to form that many syllables.

“Here” he started to pile your things into his own empty bag.

“W-wait.” You put a handout to stop him, but he ignored you, continuing to put the rest of your things in his own grocery bag.

“It’s cold. Didn’t you hear the weather report?” He asked, finally standing to his full height. He looked down at you, head cocking to the side slightly like a spaniel. He began to unwind his scarf and placed it around your neck instead. The brush of his fingers against your bare neck made you shiver.

“What’re you doing?” you mumbled, looking down again. The sense of déjà vu was not lost on you as you regarded your everyday sneakers.

“I came to buy groceries” he said bluntly, and despite all the pain and anxiety coursing through you, you smiled. He was always so reliable.

“I was hoping I would run into you” he said after a beat, his hand held your chin making you gasp. He tilted it up, so you were no longer looking down, and this time he was meeting your gaze. His dark olive eyes bore into your own with an intensity that was difficult to hold.

“You don’t need to apologise or anything.”

“You’re wrong” he said “I do. I’m sorry.” You nodded at his words, disappointed once again that you were still holding out for him.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not, I…” he stopped himself, and pressed his lips into a firm line. You blinked a couple of times to make sure you were seeing things right. Ushijima was so candid all the time that the sight of him hesitating was new. He looked away momentarily.

“I return your affections” he said, and you stared in awe as a faint pink blush blossomed in his cheeks.

“You don’t have to say that.” He looked you in the eyes again, softer this time. His thumb absentmindedly began to stroke itself across your heated cheeks.

“Yes I do. I love you and I’m sorry I couldn’t say it yesterday.”

“Ushi…” you practically melted despite the chill in the air. He leaned down and pressed a kiss onto your forehead, making your head swim.

“Come” he said, letting go of your face in exchange for your hand “I’ll make dinner.” You made no attempt to protest against his wishes, instead letting him lead you in the direction of his own apartment.

“I love you too.”

[invalid-prongs]

Sirius Coming Out

this is also two separate posts on my instagram :) @/padfootless. sidenote: james is a dick in this, and i don't hc him like this at all, but for the sake of this, he's a bit... not okay.

tw; implied homophobia

“i'm gay.”

peter's eyebrows furrow in confusion. “gay?”

sirius swallows sharply, hesitating for a moment. “i like guys, blokes. i want to date boys, not girls.”

peter makes a small 'ah' sound, nodding in understanding. james shifts in his seat, biting his cheek. “isn't that a bit... odd?”

sirius feels his heart sink as he looks at his best friend, his brother. a few months ago, he lost his blood brother when he ran away, and now he might lose his chosen brother, for trying to accept who he is.

“i mean... not really,” sirius blinks back his tears. “maybe it isn't, you know, common, but it... i...” he shakes heavily as a shiver runs down his spine. “i'm sorry.”

james eyes widen slightly. “no, no, don't be sorry, it's just...” he gestures vaguely, looking to peter and then back at sirius. “strange?”

he doesn't say it, but sirius can hear it in his tone. you're not normal.

sirius doesn't realise he's crying until a hand reaches out and grasps his own tightly in comfort. he looks up through a blur to see peter shifting closer to him, a warm smile on his face.

“i don't think it's weird. it's natural, you're normal.”

james stands up, eyes flying around the room as he stumbles slightly. “uh, i'm just gonna...” he trails off as he turns and walks out the door, muttering to himself.

sirius cries harder, watching james walk away from him, and peter places himself beside his friend, hugging him tightly.

“it's okay, don't worry about him, pads,” peter soothes gently. “he'll come around in time, he's your brother, he's not going to leave you. and if he does, then fuck him, you don't deserve that shit. you deserve love, and acceptance.” he pauses for a moment. “he's the weird one.”

sirius chuckles through his sobs, and although there's an ache in his chest, he's thankful to still have peter. “thanks, wormy.”

they stay like that for a little while, until sirius calms down a bit. he slowly wipes his eyes as peter moves back to his own seat, and the door opens.

they both turn to watch as remus walks into the room, pausing to analyse the scene.

“pads, are you okay?”

sirius looks at peter again, a smile on his face, replacing the tears. “i s'pose so. i've got pete, haven't i?”

peter nods. “you've always got me, pads. best friends, remember?" he holds out a pinky, and sirius laughs lightly, attaching their hands.

“brothers.”

***

“can we talk?”

sirius looks up from his essay, exchanging a glance with peter, who shrugs wordlessly. “i s’pose so.”

peter grabs his wand, giving it a wave to clear up his things. “i’ll be in the common room if you need me.”

“you can stay,” sirius tells him hurriedly, almost pleading with his eyes. “we can keep studying, you know i’m useless at astronomy.”

peter laughs lightly, shaking his head. “you two need to talk,” he glances between the pair. “it’s not my place to be here.”

“you can stay if sirius wants,” james speaks up with a sheepish smile. “i have no issues with it.”

peter debates it for a moment before sighing and moving to sit on his own bed. he pulls out some of his things, trying not to focus on the conversation as james takes his place on the end of sirius’ bed.

“listen, i need to apologise for yesterday,” james sighs lightly after a moment, biting his lip in thought. “i acted like a dick, you didn’t deserve that. you don’t deserve it.”

he runs a hand through his hair nervously, eyes trained on the floor, and takes a deep breath before looking up at sirius.

“i support you,” he breathes lightly, eyes showing nothing but truth. “i always will, and i’m sorry that i made you think i don’t. it was just... sudden, and i didn’t understand it properly, which isn’t an excuse of any kind.

but last night, i spoke to remus. i didn’t tell him, that wasn’t my place, but i just asked him some things, and he explained it all to me. i might not fully understand everything, but i don’t want this to change anything between us, and i don’t want you to think that i hate you.

you’re my brother. and it doesn’t matter who you date, because that isn’t changing, unless...” he trails up, looking up at sirius with terror in his eyes. “unless you want it to.”

sirius sits back for a moment, mulling over his words. “of course i don’t,” he answers finally, glancing over at peter, who smiles in encouragement. “i just... i wish you’d handled it better.”

“i wish i had, too. i’m never going to forgive myself for that, i’m so fucking sorry.”

“we all do things we regret,” and for a moment, sirius’ memories fly back to last year with remus. “but that doesn’t mean we can’t move past it and work on shit together.”

james lets out a heavy sigh of relief. “i thought you’d hate me forever.”

“sirius is incapable of hating the person who carries half his braincell,” peter speaks aloud, and both lads turn to face him. “don’t look at me, i’m in the common room, remember?”

sirius and james chuckle gently, until james holds out his hand. “so... we’re good?”

sirius looks down at his hand and ignores it, pulling the lad into a hug.

“we’re good.”

BONUS TIME!!

this is for @marauders-mood because i love her, and she's obsessed with remus lupin.

it might also be partly because i just love this story, and even though i don't headcanon james as being unsupportive or anything like that, i just want peter to have some love, because he was as much of a marauder as the others.

"what the fuck are you guys doing here?”

sirius gasps, leaping away from remus’ touch, their kiss abruptly ended as he stares at james with wide eyes. he studies his best friend for a moment, until the words come spilling out his mouth:

“it’s not what it looks like!”

james raises an eyebrow, glancing between the two. “is it not?” he crosses his arms. “because it looks like you guys left me and peter to suffer through a lesson with the slytherins by ourselves!”

remus pulls at his collar with a grin. “so maybe it’s exactly what it looks like.”

james rolls his eyes with a playful smile, sending a small nod to sirius before moving over to his bed and grabbing his cloak. “we’re off to have some fun, you guys in?”

“my turn to prank snivellus!” sirius beams as he skips to the door without turning back, leaving james and remus to follow, laughing and rolling their eyes at his antics.

one (successful) prank later, remus, peter, and james spill out into the courtyard, collapsing onto the grass as sirius tries to chase butterflies.

“hey,” james turns to face remus, who’s sat watching sirius with a look of pure adoration. “are you sure about this?”

“about what?”

james gestures to the black-haired lad. “we can get you one that’s not so much of an idiot, if you want.”

remus laughs again. “nah,” he smiles fondly. “i think i love this one as he is.”

let the record show that emmo wants to keep writing this, they really do. and the only reason they’re not is because they don’t want to ruin it it’s 9pm, and they haven’t eaten anything yesterday lunch, so they should probably go get some food.

[write-orflight]

Like Real People Do. Epilogue

*Gif not mine*

Masterlist

Rating: M

Words: 2.4K

Warnings: none :)

Request: OPEN/CLOSED

A.N Well, we’re here at the end. Thanks to everyone for reading and supporting. Follow for more and send any request! much love, Cia

Epilogue: Like Real People do. 

The lace of your dress is itchy.

You had gone dress shopping with the girls and you had tried a bunch on before settling on the one you chose. It was a long sleeved chiffon dress with a slim bodice that flared into a puffy skirt stopping just above your ankle. It had small floral details along the top and the sleeves. At the time, it had been perfect. You had felt beautiful, and you cried thinking about seeing Spencer for the first time down the aisle in it. But right now it itches. 

Why did it itch?

It wasn’t that you were getting cold feet. You wanted nothing more than to be Dr. Y/n Reid but for some reason you couldn’t bring yourself to move when it was time. You were standing looking out the window when Hotch came to find you. 

“Y/n, are you ready? Everyone’s waiting.” He says, before pausing. “You look beautiful, why are you upset?” 

You didn’t even notice the tears falling. You quickly try to quell them to not ruin your makeup you just had done. “I just--when I pictured my wedding. I didn’t think my parents would be gone and that I’d have to walk alone. And thinking of everyone’s eyes on me is freaking me out.” You sniffle a bit, eyes going wide when the idea comes to you. “Will you walk with me?” You ask. 

“You want me to walk you down the aisle?” Hotch asks, shocked. You immediately back track. 

“You don’t have to—I should’ve asked before. I just didn’t want to go alone—“ 

“Y/n…” he says, looking at you sincerely. “Nothing would make me happier than to give you away, if that’s what you want.” You look at him, seeing he is also misty-eyed. You nod, pulling him into a tight hug. 

————————————

You and Spencer are married November 10th. After months of arguing over the date of your wedding. Him wanting a fall wedding and you wanting a winter one, November felt like the perfect compromise. In the end, he was right just like he always was with your wedding being held in a forested area near the Potomac. The tall trees with the red, orange and brown leaves falling, the view of the lake and the yellow string lights you had around the ceremony. It was breathtaking. Fall had definitely been the way to go. You also argued about writing your own vows. You didn’t want to and he did. In the end he was right again. His vows to you were beautiful, he talked about how some believed soulmates were 500 years in the making and able to transcend lifetimes. And that while he was a man of science, upon meeting you had been the first time he actually believed that. And that he was excited to spend this lifetime with you just as much as he was excited for the next. You tried to hold the tears that were falling involuntarily as the minister announced it was time for your vows. 

“Um, I don’t quite know how to follow that.” You chuckle nervously, inducing a laugh from the people at your ceremony. “My father used to tell me every time I was upset that ‘a lot of rotten luck means good luck was on the way’. For most of my life, I didn’t believe him. I didn’t believe in luck, just in circumstance and that I was a victim of just really bad circumstance.” You say, you gripping Spencer’s hand tighter. His hand reaches up to wipe at a stray tear that falls from your face. It’s in that moment you remember one of the biggest reasons you loved Spencer. He was always ready to comfort you, whether you needed it or not. The action just makes more tears fall. “It wasn’t until I met you that I believed in luck. Meeting you has been the single most luckiest thing to ever happen to me and I plan on spending everyday treating you like I am the luckiest woman alive because when I’m with you, I am.” You tear up, Spencer hands move to wipe your tears again only this time you lean in to kiss him which he happily obliges. 

“Save it til the end guys!” You hear Derek call over the crowd, which induces a chuckle from everyone including the two of you. 

——————————

You still worked well together. Better than ever actually. The first couple of weeks were awkward as someone would call for Dr. Reid and you both would turn. Spencer would always look at you, eyes shining with admiration every time it happened but after a while, everyone knew to say your first names when they needed your attention. 

You meet Spencer’s dad about 6 months after you’re married. A case takes you back to Las Vegas and unfortunately to his offices as one of the victims recently hired him for a case. Spencer absolutely refused to go talk to him, you tried to convince him to but in the end, you understood why he couldn’t. Which was why, you and Derek walked into his office that day. Derek reaches to shake his hand. 

“Walter, I don’t know if you remember me from before but I’m SSA Derek Morgan and this is my associate,Dr. Y/n Reid.” 

He then let’s go of Derek before turning his smile and hand towards you. “Reid, huh?” He says. “What’re the chances?” 

“Slim, actually. I’m married to your son.” You say shaking his hand. He looks at you in shock as does Derek. You had told him you weren’t going to say anything but upon meeting him you decided you didn’t want to beat around the bush. 

“Spencer?” He says, confused. You nod before getting into the actual nature of your visit. As Derek goes through the questions you had for him, you feel his eyes not leaving you. Once you’re done, the two of you thank him for his time before starting to leave. He calls out to you, you nod to Derek to wait for you outside. 

The man looks at you, confused. “Sorry I’m trying to wrap my head around this. You’re married to Spencer?” You nod. “How long?” He asked. 

“We’ve been married for 6 months and together about 2 years now.” You say, the man looks at you sullen. “I told him we should at least invite you but at the end of the day it was his decision to make and I respect him for it.” 

“And is he doing okay?” He asked, “Spencer?” 

“We’re taking care of each other.” You say. “But if you want to know about him, you have to reach out yourself. I lost both of my parents so family is really important to me. I don’t want either of you to miss out on more but at the end of the day it’s his decision to reconnect or not. And I’ll respect and support whatever he decides. Thanks for your help, Walter.” You say before leaving. 

----------------------------------------------

About 8 months into your marriage is when you meet Abigail Reyes. 

She’s a 5 year old whose parents hid her in a closet while the unsub murdered her family. Hotch warned you before the case not to get too attached and you tried, you really did but when she looked at you with those giant almond colored eyes, you couldn’t help yourself. You conducted all her interviews and watched her down at the station, drawing with her, you couldn’t help the tug at your heartstrings. Here was a kid who went through the same exact thing you had yet still had the capability to smile brightly at you. 

That night as you and Spencer settled into the hotel bed, you asked him. 

“Does she have someone?” Spencer looks at you, confused. 

“Who, Doll?” 

“Abigail. The vic’s daughter. Does she have someone or will she go into the system?” You say before rattling off quickly. “Because I know we haven’t talked much about kids but I know we both want them and maybe adopting isn’t what you had in mind but--” 

His arms are hugging you instantly. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry. Her grandparents live in North Carolina and are probably already on their way for her.” 

“Oh.” You say, trying not to sound disappointed. She was still going to a loving home even if it wasn’t yours. 

“Do you want children?” He asks you, you shrug, silently. “Then whenever you’re ready, I am also ready. I can’t think of something I’d want more than a family with you.” He kisses your temple before rolling over to sleep.

You don’t remember when exactly but you turn off your reminder for birth control. 

--------------------------------------------------------

You’re about 10 months into your marriage when you start to feel sick. 

You’re sitting in Penelope’s bat cave drinking coffee and talking about the latest Doctor Who episode when the sudden wave of nausea. You were going to barf right now. You looked around for something before grabbing the nearest trash can. Garcia watches in shock as you lose your lunch. 

“Are you ok? You’ve been sick a lot.” She says, concerned.

“Yea, I’m fine. This bug going around has been kicking my butt.” 

“No one else’s lasted as long though.” She points out laughing. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were pregnant.” She laughed. You looked up shocked. What was the date? You think to yourself. 

September 14th. 

You were late. 

“Shit!”  You say out loud. Garcia looks at you shocked. 

“Oh my god! Are you--?” 

“I have to take a test. Please don’t tell the others, especially Spen. i just-- I need to find out first.” 

“You told me I wouldn’t have to keep any more secrets for you.”Garcia pouts.

“I know! Just one tiny one though until I can get in with my doctor?” 

“Fine!” She exclaims. “You so owe me.” She says. 

“I know. And If I am Garcie, You’re godmother, I promise.” You say, bolting out her office, smiling.  

Garcia ended up right though. She always was. 

------------------------------------------

You’ve decided pregnancy sucks but Spencer made it a bit better.

Spencer was, of course, over the moon when you told him. Immediately pulling you into a tight hug and spinning you. The two of you cried for at least a couple hours at the thought of your growing family. 

As soon as you found out, you went to Hotch handing him the letter of resignation you drafted earlier yesterday night. He looked at it shocked before looking at you sadly. “Why, Y/N? I thought this was what you wanted?” 

“I’m pregnant.” You say, Hotch’s sad expression immediately turns soft and happy. He pulls you into a tight hug. “I love this job but I saw what it did to my parents and I can’t do that to my family. Someone’s gotta take one for the team and since Spencer is such an asset, I think it’s me. I’ve already accepted a job to teach Criminal Psychology at Georgetown. Don’t try and stop me.”You say, Hotch immediately nods in understanding, putting his arms around you again. 

“You’re going to be a fantastic mother.” He says. You can’t help the heavy sobs that rack through you. 

———————————————

Autumn Alice Reid or as the team has started affectionately calling her, Double A, is born June 25th, despite her namesake. 

You and Spencer had been sitting in the house you had purchased months ago in preparation for your daughter, playing chess when it happened. It was his move when you said. 

“Spen, we have to go to the hospital. My water broke.” 

“Y/N, I’m not falling for that again you say it every single time you’re losing.” 

“I know, but this time I’m serious.” You stood up to reveal your extremely drenched pants and Spencer's eyes widened in shock. 

“We’re having a baby!” He said, excitedly standing to hug you. 

“We are. Now we should leave because I’d prefer to do it in a hospital.” 

Childbirth is just as heinous and terrible as people say it was but the end result made it so much more worth it. Autumn laid sleeping in your arms now, her little fist grasping Spencer’s pinky. You never in your life thought it was possible to love something so fiercely, so instantly. But here she was, your own personal cryptid. 

The team, of course, came in almost the instant the nurses let them. Everyone passes her around Godparents, Derek and Penelope, going first. 

“She’s going to be such a little genius, isn’t she?” Penelope says, holding her little hand while Derek cradles her in his arms. 

“Yea, and she’s going to ride that all the way to Cal-tech, aren’t you, sweetheart?” Spencer says, grabbing her from Derek. 

“Or most likely Stanford.” You pipe up, from your hospital bed. Spencer narrows his eyes at you and you narrow right back at him. That was an argument for another day. 

———————————

You woke up to an empty bed. Which isn’t uncommon, Spencer almost always was the one who tended to your daughter when she woke crying. You told him that you should switch off every once and a while but he would always dead that idea, saying you needed your sleep. He always put you before himself. 

You padded along the cold, hardwood floors until you were at the open door of the nursery. The sight before you made you wish you also had eidetic memory, Spencer cradling your sleeping child in one hand, reading softly to her from the book in his other hand. As you moved closer to him, you could make out what the book was. 

“Spen, we have children’s books. You don’t have to read her Tale of Two Cities.” You whisper, smiling softly at him.

“I know, but she doesn’t seem to like those. Tale of Two Cities seems to put her to sleep faster.” 

“Well, Tale of Two Cities puts me to sleep too, so I get it.” You chuckle softly at the narrowed eyes Spencer gives you, before you sit on the ground next to the chair he’s sitting in with your daughter. “Read it to me too?” You ask, laying your head on his thigh. 

He nods, smiling softly at the two of you. 

“It was the best of times, It was the worst of times....” He starts, you drift off almost immediately.

Finally at peace in life.  

Taglist: @haylaansmi​     @yoruebeautiful​ @kianagilder-blog​ @l0ve-0f-my-life​ @bihoeofmanyfandoms @dreamer7black​ @baby-banana​ @drreidshands​ @blameitonthenight21​ @slyskyeey​ @liaabsurd​ @di-essere-amato​ @oliviamaerose​ @nightlygiggless​ @eevee0722​ @april-14-blog​ @dilaudidwinchester​

[pregnant-piggy]

I’m having your baby - part II

Sirius Black x reader

series masterlist,  part one

Warnings: swearing, mentions of food, vomiting, pregnancy

Words: 2.5k

--------------------------------------------------

The sound of a drawer being closed near you wakes you up. Before you can even open your eyes you feel a weight on your mattress. And another. And another. You open your eyes to find James and Sirius lying next to you on your bed and Peter at your feet. Remus, who realised that maybe your bed is too full, has taken your chair and sits next to your bed. His hand is still on the drawer and you realise what he did. He hid the test that was still lying on your nightstand. You give him a thankful smile and turn to the guys in your bed.

‘You guys make me feel like I am dying from a serious decease,’ you chuckle and sit up a bit. You put your arms around Sirius and James and start to go through their hair with your hands. You know they love that even though they always complain about how their hair will get messed up from it. James shivers when your hand reaches his neck and you laugh. You do it again and now James almost falls out of your bed.

‘Stop that!’ he cries. ‘You know I can’t stand it!’ He sits down on your bed and watches you suspiciously. ‘If you weren’t bleeding to death right now, you would be lying on the ground too.’ His empty threats only make you laugh. Sirius moves on your left and you look down.

‘What is it, Sirius? Do you want attention?’ you tease him. Sirius’ face turns red and he mumbles something denying. You giggle and keep on moving your hand. Sirius puts his hand on your stomach as a reaction and you have to look up to your ceiling to prevent the tears. James follows your gaze and looks up confused.

‘Are you alright?’ he asks. You nod and your eyes flash over Remus’ face before you answer.

‘Yeah, no I just thought I saw something on the ceiling,’ you mutter. ‘But it’s nothing.’ Remus gets up and puts his hand on James’ shoulder.

‘Let’s make some breakfast. Pete?’ Peter gets up when he hears his name and follows James and Remus out of the room. Before he leaves your room he turns around and throws something at you.

‘Some painkillers, I thought maybe you could use them. Are you coming Sirius?’ All Sirius answers with is a groan and Peter looks at him and then at you.

‘It’s fine, I’ll get him up,’ you reassure Peter and he disappears. You put the painkillers on your nightstand and lie back down. Sirius’ head is on your chest and your cheek touches his hair. Your hand is now on his back, drawing circles with your finger. And his hand is still on your stomach, softly rubbing it.

‘Are you really okay?’ Sirius asks out of the blue. You think, are you okay? You are pregnant from the guy you have a crush on, but he doesn’t think of you that way and you are scared of his reaction when he finds out you’re pregnant. So yeah, you’re totally okay.

‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ you say instead and sigh. ‘I just feel-’

But Sirius never gets to know how you feel because at that moment you suddenly start gagging and you shoot up in your bed. Sirius looks at you with panic in his eyes and doesn’t really know what to do. He gets up and runs to your side of the bed. He removes the blankets that are wrapped around you and when you are freed you run to the bathroom.

As soon as you reach the toilet, everything comes out. With one hand you’re holding your hair and with the other you’re holding your body steady above the toilet. Sirius enters just seconds after you and awkwardly kneels next to you. He starts to rub your back and you relax a bit. After a while you feel totally empty and you lift your head up. You wipe your mouth clean with your hand and see Sirius sitting next to you, giving you a reassuring smile.

You sigh; is this how it is going to be for the next months? You knew being pregnant was not the most comfortable thing, but this really surprises you. You pull your knees up in front of you and rest your head on them. Sirius is still watching you. You know that this might be the time to tell him, but you just can’t. You try very hard to just open your mouth and say something, but it stays closed and instead the room fills with an awkward  silence.

‘Guys, breakfast is re- What happened?’ James asks when he sees you and Sirius sitting on the ground in front of the toilet.

‘Nothing, we’ll be there in a minute,’ Sirius answers and waves James away with his hand. You are thankful for his answer and get up. You wash your face while Sirius stays on the ground. You look at him and put out your hand.

‘Come on. Let’s get breakfast,’ you say and Sirius takes your hand. When you walk into the kitchen holding hands with Sirius, Remus sends you a glare. You quickly shake your head and sit down at the table.

‘Wow, you guys really outdid yourselves!’ The table is full of food and you see all your favourite things.

‘Well, we know the second day is always the worst, so we wanted to make you as comfortable as possible,’ James says. He gives you a plate with pancakes and Peter fills your mug with hot chocolate. You thankfully eat it in silence and watch the guys at the table while they eat too. After a while Remus looks at you and lowers his mug.

‘So, (Y/N), I walked in the kitchen this morning and guess what I found?’ You look guilty at Remus, you know he is talking about the chocolate. ‘My chocolate. Open. On the counter. Did you take it?’ You avert your eyes and look at your plate. Sirius takes your hand under the table and squeezes it.

‘No, I took your chocolate, Re,’ he says and you and Remus watches him with big eyes.

‘You?’ Remus asks sharply. Peter and James are now looking at Sirius too and James shakes his head.

‘Yeah, I couldn’t sleep last night and in the dark I accidently took your chocolate. Sorry.’ Your mouth falls open and you feel James hitting you with his hand, probably not even knowing he is doing it.

‘Okay, well, thank you for your honesty,’ Remus says to Sirius but he looks at you. You feel your cheeks getting red; you are going to have to explain something later today. You want to take your fork again but your hand is being stopped by Sirius’ who is still holding it. You look at him and he lets it go looking a bit embarrassed. Smiling to yourself you eat your breakfast.

- -- -

‘So what really happened last night?’ Remus asks. You and him are walking in the park near your apartment. James and Sirius had sent you out because they wanted to prepare something. You are not really sure what; they wouldn’t tell you. Remus offered to go with you and you knew immediately why: he wants to ask you about your situation with Sirius and about his chocolate. But since Remus is the only one you can talk to about it, you gladly accepted his offer.

You look at your feet, walking through the leafs on the ground, and tell Remus about what happened, but you leave out the part where you discovered you are falling for Sirius. He stays quiet after you are done talking and you look up. He is also looking at his feet and shaking his head. You put your hands in your pockets.

‘(Y/N), can you be honest with me?’ You look at Remus, he is watching you. You nod.

‘Yes.’

‘Is there maybe a part of you that doesn’t want to tell Sirius about the baby because you are not only afraid that he will freak out and leave, but also because he might say that your night together was a mistake and meant nothing to him?’ You stare at the ground and feel tears coming up. You take a deep breath and look up to Remus. You give him a watery smile; you know he is right, Remus always is, but that doesn’t make it any easier. ‘For how long?’ Remus asks, knowing what your smile means. You shrug.

‘I think I for a while now, but I only realised it yesterday night. Remus, I don’t know what to do! Like things weren’t complicated already!’ Now a tear escapes your eye and Remus pulls you into a hug. He opens his mouth to say something but is cut off by your phone that starts to ring. You pick up and are greeted by James’ enthusiastic voice.

‘Hey! You can come home now!’ You laugh.

‘Okay, we’ll be there in fifteen minutes.’

- -- -

When you open the front door of the apartment twenty minutes later, the hall is dark and the apartment seems empty. You turn to Remus who just frowns at the door to the kitchen. You walk to the kitchen, which is just as dark and empty, but there is a small light coming from the living room.

‘Did you know about this?’ you ask Remus but he just shrugs.

You walk to the living room. It is decorated with Christmas lights and a huge amount of pillows and blankets. You chuckle.

‘What is this?’ you ask and look around to see the boys. First Peter comes up to you.

‘Madam, may I take your coat?’ he asks and you see he is wearing a sweater with a tuxedo knitted in it. You take off your coat and give it to Peter. He disappears to the hall. Then James walks up to you. He is wearing an apron and a chef’s hat. In his hand he is holding a plate with cookies.

‘Would the lady like some freshly baked cookies?’

‘Yes, the lady would,’ you answer and take a bite out of one. The cookie crumbles in your mouth and you taste a lot of sugar, but you decide now is not the time to mock James about his miserable baking skills. Instead you let you be taken to the couch where Sirius is sitting.

‘Where is your costume?’ you tease him when you see he is just wearing his usual sweater.

‘Please, I don’t need to dress up to impress you,’ he says. You blink at him and don’t know what to say. You turn back to James who missed the innuendo and is busy with the TV. While you are watching James, trying so hard not to let your face turn into a tomato, Sirius gets half up and sits behind you, both legs on one side of you.

‘What are you doing?’ you ask when he takes you in his arms and starts rubbing your lower stomach.

‘Comforting you,’ Sirius answers like it is the most normal thing in the world. You decide to just let him and lean back onto his chest. When Remus enters the living room his eyes immediately find you sitting in Sirius’ lap. He sits down next to you and looks at you.

‘Oh shut up,’ you mouth before Remus can even say something.

‘Okay, (Y/N), what film do you want to see?’ James asks.

‘Are there any Christmas films already?’ you ask. Behind you Sirius snorts. You turn around. ‘It’s your fault really, you put up the lights!’ Sirius throws his hands in the air.

‘Alright, alright! But it was James’ idea!’ he defends himself. You turn back to James and put Sirius’ arms back around you. James picks a film and falls down on the sofa next to you.

You try to relax but every time Sirius’ thumb strokes your bare skin you have to suppress a shiver. You can’t focus on the film and after a while you feel sleep is taking over you. You nestle your head on Sirius’ chest and close your eyes.

- -- -

‘She really sleeps a lot lately, doesn’t she?’

‘Yes, Pete, but you know menstruation is tough.’

‘I know that James, but last week she slept a lot too!’

‘Maybe she is just a bit sick, she does keep throwing up…’

‘Yeah…’

‘Guys, be quiet or you’ll wake her up!’

‘Sirius, how can you even be comfortable in that position?’

‘She’s warm.’

‘She’s warm? What kind of answer is that?’

‘A normal one James. Now shut up!’

You open your eyes and are welcomed by the sun shining through the big windows. You rub your eyes and feel Sirius move.

‘Good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty.’ You feel your cheeks getting red and bury your face in Sirius’ neck.

‘Shut up,’ you mumble. Sirius rubs your back.

‘You missed the film,’ he says. You say nothing. ‘Not that it was any good. How can you even like those films?’ You get up and look at Sirius.

‘Because it shows something I want, but don’t have. So seeing those films is the only way I can feel that a little.’ Sirius is stunned by your answer. He is staring at you with his mouth open. You wave your hand in front of his face. ‘Hello? Are you still here?’ you tease him and he closes his mouth, but still keeps staring at you. You look back and feel like you are melting under his gaze, and touch, since his hands are still on your back.

‘(Y/N)? Lily is on the phone, she says she wants to talk to you,’ James yells from the kitchen. You look up and then turn back to Sirius.

‘I should get that,’ you mutter and get up. Sirius’ hands linger on your body and you just want to stay with him for the rest of the day. But you can’t. Instead you walk to the kitchen and take the phone from James.

‘Yes, Lil?’

‘Hi, sweetie, listen, Remus said that you had something important to tell me.’

‘He did? Wait, I’ll be back in a minute.’ You put the phone down and walk to Remus’ room, where he is sitting on his bed. ‘Fuck you, Remus!’ you say loud and throw a pillow at him. The pillow misses. Remus looks up and just smiles.

‘So I guess Lily called?’

‘Yeah, she did and now I have to tell her!’ You throw another pillow and walk back to the kitchen. On your way you see Sirius still sitting on the couch, in the same position as when you left. He looks up from his phone when you walk by.

‘What’s going on?’ he asks.

‘Nothing, it’s nothing…’ you mumble and walk on. ‘Okay, I’m back’ you say when you pick up the phone again. ‘Yes, I do have to tell you something, but not over the phone. Can you meet me at the cafe? I don’t want anyone here to hear it.’

‘Yeah, sure. I’ll be there in half an hour!’

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Here’s part two! I wrote this a while ago and reading it brings back so many feelings, aAaahh.... This one is shorter than the previous but the next one will make up for it :) 

MASTERLIST