#also there's like nowhere else to go right now which is a huge problem;

[fedoraspooky]

I haven’t been here long. What irritating changes have been made?

Credit where it's due, some changes have been good, like polls and stuff! But the big recent changes thus far that I would classify as irritating are:

- The UI change. This one may be less irritating for newcomers because it's basically the same layout as twitter and instagram, but for a lot of folks who've been here a long time, it feels cramped and like a loss of identity for the site. For many, the appeal of tumblr is that it ISN'T an algorithm hell like twitter or insta. Also, there's the annoyance of having to relearn where everything is, because it all got moved around.

- The users being lab rats for various tests the devs wanna pull out of nowhere without consenting to beta testing new site features- like the one that took away user icons on the dash for like half the site. They finally put them back after getting enough feedback that said NO, but users were so used to their feedback being disregarded that they were half expecting the change to be pushed through anyway.

- The Netflix tie-in advertising being pushed even to people who had PAID tumblr for a no-ads experience. Complete with them somehow thinking it would be a good idea to put an unescapable-by-scrolling spooky clown on peoples' dashboards that u had to use ublock to get rid of. While I'm not scared of clowns and often find them quite charming, it sucks that staff didn't take coulrophobia being a common fear into account.

- A wave of fully sfw trans posts being wrongfully marked Mature and staff doing little to nothing about it. Not sure if this is still ongoing, but it destroyed a lot of trust and good will. (LGBT+ users have been having to fight a constant war against censorship ever since the adult content ban on tumblr, so yeah... Nevar 4get the list of banned search words that would bring back no results, like 'girl')

- The site gradually moving away from customization. Tumblr is a BLOGGING site. But it seems to have lost sight of that fact, because most new users don't even know you can fully customize your blogs with css and stuff (an option that is now off by default for new accounts!), because of the in-dash viewer giving you only how blogs look on mobile, which is a lot more uniform. There, it's more like every other site- you get a banner and icon. Oh, but you can change colors and fonts from a drop-down list too, that's cool I guess. Though they recently took away custom color schemes on Message windows, just another little bit of personalization taken away.

- TUMBLR. LIVE. Basically tumblr teamed up with a skeevy dating app partner to allow for livestreams- but not the cool kinda livestreams like on twitch where you can draw or play games, no- to a site full of people who value anonymity, they decided to push phone cam only livestreams. Not only that but by agreeing to the terms, you're giving out tons of personal data including your location to said skeevy dating app partner and all of THEIR third-party ad partners. Needless to say, most people didn't wanna use it, so instead of users it's flooded by p*rn bots (which is ANOTHER issue we've been dealing with for a long time and have been getting an even bigger influx of FROM tumblr live) and scammers. And thus, since tumblr likes to put a carousel of current streams on people's dashes, you often get softcore p*rn thumbnails from the bot streams with no way to avoid it except for toggling off tumblr live entirely.

- Oh wait. That's right. You CAN'T toggle it off. Because you can only snooze it for a while until BAM, you're jumpscared by a carousel of ladies licking your screen again! But hey, at least they made the snooze 30 days instead of the 7 it used to be, right? Yeah, except for the fact that you can't get rid of the tumblr live button itself on the app anymore, and now it's front and center with a NEW notification tag on it, overlapping your dash and cramming useful stuff like the search button out of the way.

NOW- A lot of this stuff CAN be at least mostly fixed on desktop by installing ublock and xkit and tampermonkey + dashboard unfucker... But that's a lot of stuff just to make the site usable, you know?

[plzu]

sleeping with roaches - (Miguel O'Hara x Symbiote!Reader)

summary: You have nowhere else to go but under Miguel's skin. warnings: explicit 18+ MDNI, no Y/N, angst, hate sex!!!, interrupted orgasm, unprotected p in v sex, hair mention/hair pulling, hurt no comfort. if i missed anything pls let me know ♡ a/n: title from p!atd's build god, then we'll talk wordcount: 3.2k

Miguel O’Hara does not like you.

An understatement.

“Nnh-”

You lay prostrate beneath him, his right hand fisting the hair at your scalp where he’s just tugged at, causing you to react in that subdued whimper. Miguel's thighs cradle your hips, bulge pressed flush between the constricting fabric of his suit and your denim-clad cheeks.

“Stay quiet,” he mutters harshly. He feels you nod in his grip, sees your fists clench in the dim blue lighting against the floor.

This is what he has to do to keep you in check, make sure you don’t get too restless in HQ between missions.

If he had it his way, you’d be with all the other anomalies. Imprisoned. Confined in one of those cramped energy fields. No longer able to stalk around as you please, taunting him just by existing in your civvies. Distressed denim and scuffed-up combat boots, not a single spider-like motif adorning your figure. 

Because you’re not really one of them. Something Miguel is sure to remind you of with each scathing, red-eyed glare he shoots your way whenever you say or do anything that catches his attention. 

He knows the others in the Spider Society (minus Jessica Drew, who Knows Better) try to assure you to not take it personally. He glares at everyone like that, they say, an awkward chuckle that he doesn’t think does anything to comfort you. You’re not an idiot, after all. He can admit that much.

(Except that it is personal. There’s a red-hot, simmering fucking rage for the thing that you are, and the thing that you host in the confines of your flesh.)

Some of them rally to your defense, try to convince Miguel that you can be trusted. “She's not him, Miguel,” Peter B. says. “She's not Eddie.”

That's half the problem, isn't it.

He wants to ignore you completely, but that’d be irresponsible. Instead, he tries to pretend you aren’t there. Spider Society is huge, he should be able to go days without running into you. Yet you can’t seem to stay out of his sleepless radar. He catches glimpses of you on his displays--the way you pick at your food in the cafeteria; fist-bumps and easy smiles with several Peters; the sway of your hips as you roam the halls…

When he’s holding briefings about another anomaly and deciding who to send over to retrieve them, it’s your voice he picks up on out of every other quip and muttering in the room. He zeroes in on you, scowling. The faltering quiver of your smile when you notice his stare makes his brow furrow even more. 

Oh, and when you laugh? A sound that stands out, loud and brash. Prickles his fucking ears. His eyes narrow at the raised apples of your cheeks, gleaming teeth and glee because Peter B. Parker or Hobie or some other Spidey said something that couldn’t have possibly been that funny-

Deep breaths.

He’ll send you out with the others to help catch the anomalies that pop up now and again. It’s the only other time you can let loose, let it bubble to the surface and stretch its - your? - legs and bare its wretched fangs.

It’s not even yours. But you refuse to part with it, and it with you. 

While it’s beneficial to you--having you tag along with the others to different dimensions--it also means you’re out of Miguel’s sight. It’s the only time he has some semblance of reprieve from your existence, which riles him up so much it increases that pulsing pressure behind his eyes. 

Everyone else has their own dimensions to get back to, lives to live. But, unless you’re crashing with Spider-Punk, you don’t have the same privilege.

So you’re here. On Earth-928. Because you have nowhere else to go but under his fucking skin.

Like before, when your footsteps echoed in the dark cavern of his space. He knew it was you without even having to turn in his seat; no one else seeks him out unless summoned. Pinching the bridge of his nose, his eyes squeezed shut from the multiple orange screens playing back footage of yet another misplaced villain disrupting another dimension. The sigh that crawled out from under his breath was more of a restrained growl when you stopped behind his chair, hovering. 

He hates the wordless hovering. 

“What?” he gruffed.

You answered, “for your migraine,” followed by the sound of something being gently placed on the surface of the desk beside him. One of his eyes slowly peeled open to see the blurry outline of a disposable cup. “Coffee helps,” you add.

“What makes you think I need it?” he asked, rubbing middle finger and thumb against his eyelids as if it'd undo the blurriness. He knows it won't.

“Well, for one, you're practically shoving your own eyeballs back into your skull.”

Miguel stopped rubbing his eyes to drag his hand down the front of his face until he was cupping his own jaw, covering his downturned mouth.

“Also,” you continued, “you squint a lot. Especially after being out in bright light like some kind of-”

“Don't say it-”

“-vampire.”

“Yeah, real original,” he grumbled.

“Just figured you could use some help after being out there before.”

He had ventured into the too-bright halls of Spider Society at the insistence of Lyla. Something about how staring at these screens all day can’t be good for his headache. As if out there is any better.

He doesn't understand why you keep doing this. You know how he feels about you. Whereas you visibly unfurl around the others, open arms and open-mouthed smiles, you immediately clamp up when Miguel's attention falls on you. Hunched shoulders, pinched mouth, unable to hold his gaze for long.

Miguel doesn’t care for ass-kissing. That’s what this is, right? Bringing him coffee for his migraines -- something he doesn't disclose to anyone -- has got to be an attempt to fall into his good graces. Just like the empanadas from the cafe, or the random containers of naproxen with glasses of water, all left on his desk like a meek offering.

It really pisses him off.

He wouldn't give you the satisfaction of turning to look at you. Sometimes it's like he can't even really bear the sight of you -- your eyes, your mouth, the curve of your thighs -- it twists his stomach into knots some days. But he picked up the cup of coffee and brought it to his mouth for a sip. Still hot, of course, but the cup doesn't do much to retain heat so it doesn't scald. Black and just a little sweet.

You always bring it to him just how he likes it. He hates that, too.

You hadn’t left yet, and he didn't like this swell of ticking silence between you. The very obvious space you occupied at his back made his skin prickle. Hyper-aware of your presence. It made his teeth grind.

He took another sip. “What are you still doing here?”

You cleared your throat and shifted your weight from one foot to the other. “Was, uh- was wondering if there was anything else I could do to help.”

Miguel let your words hang in the air for a moment, allowing the weight of it to settle over him as his lips hovered over the rim of the cup. The forefinger of his left hand tap-tapped against the arm of his seat, restless as he considered your offer.

You've done this before. This wayward give and take of flesh against flesh. And with a headache the size of his fist pounding in the thick of his skull...

Miguel sighed and downed the rest of his coffee before finally standing up. The slow, deep breaths he took enunciated the expanse of his back, broad shoulders finally on full display for you to see.

You're supposed to find it intimidating. It was not supposed to be enticing. It was not supposed to make excitement flutter low in your belly in anticipation for what he said next:

“Alright. Remember the rules.”

“Keep quiet.”

His head turned expectantly to the side, so just a sliver of his cheekbone and the corner of his right eye were visible. “..and?”

“...He can't come out.”

Miguel stalked away, deeper into the shrouded blue recesses of the room. Obediently, you followed. Like something lost that's desperate to be found.

Which brings you here, face-down beneath him, letting him rut against your ass in a steady, controlled pace as he pins you against the cold metal floor. There's something depraved about the whole situation, he’s aware of that, but it's worse for you, isn't it? It's gotta be; you're the sick one here of the two of you, getting enjoyment out of letting him use you like this. He doesn't even like you, and you know this.

And yet, still, you seek him out. Practically beg to be fucked by the only Spider-Man out of the hundreds in HQ that truly despises you.

His cock twitches uncomfortably with impatience, the need to stuff himself inside you almost maddening. Miguel yanks your jeans down by the hem so that it pulls snug over the slope of your ass. You grunt from the rough, quick movement, and it's not loud enough to chastise you for, but he brings one large palm down to smack lightly at a cheek just to be sure you remember the rules.

But then you moan. It's a quiet sound- something he can't get mad about. But it punctuates the full body shiver that overtakes you and it does something to him. Inexplicably makes him salivate, overwhelms him with the urge to devour you.

His mouth clamps shut — he doesn't know at which point his jaw dropped open in the first place — and scowls. “You're depraved, you know that?”

What he gets in response is- giggling? No, that can't be right.

Miguel looks around before landing a bewildered stare to the back of your head. You're laughing? At something he said?

In a frenzy, he shifts his weight so he can turn you over. There's desperation in the movement, something he will never admit to or could ever explain. When your face is finally upturned to him, his eyes land hungrily on the curve of your lips.

Miguel knows he's not one of the funny ones. There's too much at stake. He's lost too much, and humor just isn't his forte. He's too angry for it. Too focused.

So he stares at the smile on your face, listens to the breathless way you laugh after having been spun around, and lets the sound bury itself into his heaving chest.

Something in his expression must look weird, or wrong, or scary or angry or whatever the fuck else people think when they see his face nowadays--as if in slow motion, he watches the laughter start to slip from your expression, and it's like you're beginning to clamp up again. Like you always do when you notice him staring.

There's this pang of dread that grips his heart, a quick stab of pain that he can't put a name to. Swiftly, unthinkingly, he further shoves your pants down to your ankles, underwear included, so he can coax some of that pleasure back to your face with his fingers.

And just like that, a brush of his middle and forefinger against your slit, and the reserved mask you were slipping into disappears with a hitched breath that gets caught in your throat. His thumb presses against the bud of your clit and he's rewarded by the way your brows pinch at the sensation.

Two of his fingers slide between your folds, and it's already so wet. He slips in easily, warm and welcome, but he keeps his eyes on your face the whole time. No minute movement or change in expression goes missed, even in this dim lighting, not to his keen eyes. The corner of your lower lip disappears between your teeth as he pumps in and out of you, simultaneously keeping pressure on your nub with his thumb.

When his gaze trails downwards, he finally notices that you’ve apparently got yourself a new shirt. Black tee, thin white lines making an asymmetrical pattern of webs that spread from your heart. Miguel mockingly tilts his chin towards your panting chest. “Think that’s cute?”

You shrug. “It was on sale.”

He scoffs. “You expect me to believe you paid for that?”

“Five finger discount.”

One of his twitches inside you. 

“It’s like you exist just to torment me.”

His suit recedes, disappears in a digitized pattern down his body, revealing the toned, tanned skin beneath. He ignores the disappointed whine you make as he removes his hand from your heat to instead hold your hip down. He lines his length up with your entrance, ready to replace his fingers. The bulbous tip of him just barely notches itself between your lips when he reminds you to behave.

The reminder just makes your hips jerk up- the action slides him seamlessly into you. You both groan, an intermingle of incorrigible sound in the shared space between you. It feels like you're sucking him into you. Miguel falls forward, right hand coming to a slapping halt by your head against the flat, frigid floor. It makes you flinch; helps him regain control. He bares his fangs in a snarl, hovering by your face as his pelvis sits flush against your groin.

“Coño, I said behave,” he growls in your ear.

“S-sorry,” you gasp when he slides out of you. “D-didn't mean to.”

He slams back in, and you bite down on your tongue to keep from crying out.

You're trembling underneath him with the effort of keeping your hands to yourself. It's one of the unspoken rules of this unspoken arrangement, something that was learned after the first or second time. Your arms had snaked around his torso to pull him closer, and he reacted -- badly -- cutting the exchange short.

Miguel didn't know he'd react that way. Was probably some act of innate self-preservation -- it's when his distrust and distaste of you was still unwaveringly high.

Would he mind now?

Doesn't seem like waters either of you wanna test.

He continues rocking his hips into you, widening your thighs with each thrust. You must have kicked off a pant leg before; he's able to dig into you with much more ease than the position should have allowed.

Needing something to grab, your hands first at the hem of your shirt. It stretches the fabric taut against your bouncing chest and Miguel has to snap his jaw shut just to stop himself from diving into your collar bone to rip your shirt off with his teeth.

He forces his gaze lower, to where he repeatedly disappears into the clutch of your sex. There's push-back as your hips cant with every thrust, attempting to reciprocate. Give and take. The feel of your inner thighs are tense against his rolling hips; it's obvious you want to wrap your legs around him, pull him closer, keep him clutched to you but you're fighting back the desire in order to make this last. Savor the torment of this incandescent pleasure.

So he does you the favor of hitching one of your legs up. Cradles the back of your knee between thumb and forefinger as he brings your thigh up, can feel saliva pool under his tongue as he watches in fascination your pussy open up to him in this altered position. He grinds down, fucking into you deeper. The course hairs at his naval brush against the sensitive nub of your clit and it unravels something within you. Makes you clench all the more tighter around his thrusting cock.

He picks up the pace, plunging in and out of you faster and faster, the swollen tip of him knocking repeatedly against the spongy wall at your center. Relentless in pushing against the pressure that will bring you both to your release. But it coerces helpless whimpers from you, mewling that tumbles liberally from the tortured twist of your lips. He hisses a sharp shh as he clamps his left hand over your parted mouth, muffling moans, completely engulfing the bottom half of your face.

Miguel’s face hovers over yours, focused on the well of tears shimmering in your eyes like fractured glass. On the way your lips feel in the cusp of his palm, warm, moist breath trapped in against his skin.

Something tightens in his lower abdomen. It’s a dizzying feeling, intense and all-consuming and wiping all senses out of his mind. His head dips lower, closer, until his lips skim across the ridge of his knuckles. 

You notice. Of course you notice; your eyes grow wide at this illusion of affection, releasing the tears in a stream down your cheeks, disappearing into your hairline. Your pussy clenches needily around him, impossibly tighter. “Fuck,” Miguel hisses.

A full-body shudder wracks your pinned frame as your eyes flutter, rolling back in an overwhelming burst of ecstasy.

An absolute loss of control.

Inky tendrils erupt from your very flesh, slithering and obscenely alive as it starts to envelope you.

“¡MALDITA SEA!”

Miguel rips himself off of you as his suit quickly reforms over his naked body. He stands at a  crouch, arms taut and open at his side, fingers flexed, anticipating an attack.

“Shit shit shit!” you gasp, hunched over your lap on the floor as the symbiote recedes, disappearing under your shirt.

Seconds tick by as you face each other, shoulders heaving, willing your respective heart rates to slow down. Miguel on the defense. You waiting for- for something. For the head of the Spider Society to snap at you. Grab you by the throat and crush your windpipe for breaking the rules, even if it was an accident.

Or worse. Take away the watch that allows you to exist in the first place. Force you to glitch out of existence.

When your breaths finally even out, and Miguel is certain there's no danger, he straightens. Turns his back to you.

“Get out.” Cold and quiet.

“Miguel. Miguel, please-” tear streaks mark your face as you beg for him to understand, beg for him to forgive you. Beg for him not to hate you any more than he already does.

“I don’t want to say it again.”

“-I'm- I'm in control again, it was an accident, I swear-”

“I said GET OUT!” he shouts, upper body twisting towards you as his mask falls back to reveal the angry lines of his face and menacing protrusion of bared fangs.

The finality of his words makes you shrink, and you scramble to pull up your jeans as you finally stand. Head bowed, you hurriedly make your way past him, holding your left wrist close to your chest. As if shielding the watch, like it'd do anything to stop him from ripping it off of you if he wanted.

When the echo of your footsteps fade, Miguel roars and tears out the nearest bulk of metal from wherever it’s attached to the floor, flinging it hard across the room. The crash it makes as it lands becomes the resounding pulse of his still-present migraine. 

Miguel O’Hara, really, really, does not like you.

taglist: @whatevermonkey

[emabatis]

About a Werewolf in the Wawa Parking Lot

This was the second option on this poll I did. People seemed to like it, so here's the whole short story, in all it's exactly 1,000 words:

It’s not full. It’s never full.

That’s the good thing about going out when everyone else is at work or asleep. Just about the only good thing, truth told. Everybody’s hurting for workers until I send something in. I get on fine, the lord never lets my belly get too empty, and he doesn't let my head get too empty, either, or by the time the month is over, I’d have spent a fortune on milkshakes of varying quality. Sometimes they don’t even have milkshakes, and I need to settle for a “cream smoothie," which they say is healthier but if you ask me it’s just the same price for more ice. Not disgusting, but when I’m already shaky, the last thing I need is less sugar.

It’s a warm night for the month, a bit cloudy. Old, baggy jacket weather. I’m preferring old, baggy clothes these days. I’m sipping in the parking lot, letting the condensation soothe my orange palms. It’s strawberry cheesecake. Not my favorite flavor, but, you know, if you just order your favorite every time, it loses its magic. I still like strawberry cheesecake fine. It’s my niece’s favorite. It’s also one of the flavors I can drink regularly without spewing. That’s been a problem lately, throwing up. Some weeks are worse than others. I get by. This week’s been pretty great, actually.

It’ll be an hour or two before Hank gets here - he works until late in the evening. He doesn’t know I’m here, but - lord willing and the creek don’t rise - he’ll stop here like he usually does after work and he can drive me home.

Or maybe I’ll end up forgetful in the morning, covered in dew in the cornfield next door - there’s always a corn field next door, but I’m specifically talking about the one I’m looking at. There’s deer in that corn field. It’s safe, warm, and full of food. All enclosed. Denser than the woods, too dense for any predators, not that they have to worry about those. All the wolves in the area got put down before most anyone can remember, outside of the nursing home or family attic. That doesn't include me just yet.

A pair of eyes are glowing from behind the stalks, as still and bright as the sign they reflect back at me. Wawa, the deer’s eyes promise. It’s a doe, just out of her white spots. There had to be a gas station somewhere in the however-huge stretch between the two closest ones, and it might as well be a Wawa on this corner, between the old schoolhouse for sale and a corn field full of deer.

My stomach is gnawing at itself. Again? I’m thinking about how awkward it would be to go back into the store I just finished up in, especially since I can’t remember if I had the presence of mind to not say “you too” when they told me to enjoy my shake. I didn’t have the presence of mind to notice it was gone, and here I am, sucking on air like a fool. I’ll throw the cup away. Probably eat it next, if I don’t.

The sunset is pretty, tonight. Just the right amount of clouds and at just the right texture to make colors pop. I saw the moon earlier, it was huge. I could read by that moon alone, it’s the biggest and brightest I’ve seen in a long while. That might’ve been yesterday, actually.

The streetlights are on, now. 

Something’s wrong with my body, I think. Not enough elbows. The air’s a lot hotter than it was a minute ago. Like I just got a pint of blood poured in me, and it’s got nowhere to go but it’s going fast. I can feel it thrumming to my fingers and toes. The deer is still staring, frozen in place.

A surge of vomit wants to crawl up my throat, and it scratches as I swallow it down. It doesn’t taste like strawberry cheesecake. I don’t want to know what it tastes like. My stomach hurts, that kind of hurt that doesn’t leave room for words like “squeezing” or “throbbing.” Just pain. I’m praying oh lord help me, and it helps, a bit.

Taking deep breaths is important for pain. Mostly because breathing is important for survival, and pain makes people forget everything they learned about how to survive. It feels like every exhale releases that pain into the world, where it can scatter and grow into something nicer.

It doesn’t last. I’m almost knocked over by another wave. This time it’s in my chest. Not so easy to breathe through it. I must’ve been screaming, because my jaw is sore. No one inside has come out to see what’s what, those inconsiderate kids.

It passes quick, but I get the feeling it’s gonna come back quick, and with a vengeance. I’ve gotta move. The light, the sound of the neon, the smell, it’s all too much. I’m gritting my teeth so hard I swear I can hear them bend. I can’t feel my legs, wouldn’t know what to do with them if I could. 

A tooth is falling out of my mouth. Another one now. And another. The pain takes me after I taste my own blood, and it spreads from my mouth to the tips of my toes. Everywhere, it’s noisy, it’s bright, it smells like my own body.

When did I end up on the ground? A while ago, I reckon. I see something in the sky, just behind the Wawa sign.

There’s a sickening pop somewhere inside of me, I’m spasming, howling, and eventually the pain is so big, so much bigger than the body that needs to hold it, that a sort of instinctual clarity opens my eyes. Yes. This is what’s supposed to happen. The deer finally runs away. That won’t do. It has to stay full.I take a deep breath, and push, push, push into the field.

[nasturtiumsforbreakfast]

so 3am is the greatest time to be waking up out of nowhere to be thinking uhhhhh thoughts, huh?

Anyway, in ref to a uh a whole buncha my "regency kink" posts (tagged, out of the joy of causing problems, for the era and not royalty) that I 100% am not finding and linking right now fuck you read my posts boy uhhhhm okay so

Imagine, if you will, it's a lovely summer's day in the countryside in the tail-end of the 1830s and you are a troublesome goose a gentleman's valet with a miraculous Sunday afternoon off work

For those who are unaware, because my mildly kinky "imagine if" posts seem to have to come with a history lesson, because I am a crazy idiot, right (I think the blacksmith one had a line about how tricky filigree work is, istg, what is wrong with me I'm the autistic child of artisans) - a valet is the guy like whatshisface Bennett? in Downton Abbey, who like helps the gent get dressed n stuff of a morning/evening, looks after all the personal stuff same way a butler looks after the household stuff, yeah, cs posh people in them days had folk to do legitimately everything for them, huh? Lazy fucks. And also labour laws were virtually non-existant in the 30s, to such an extent I would use any of my time off to just goddamn sleep, never mind leisure activities - I mean, I do that now, tbf, but I'm not hugely cut out for retail work, lbr

Anyway, we are imagining a fantasy 1830s where it's a lovely summer's day and you are/I am a servant magically not tired to the bone cs your boss is actually a good one rather than a more-historically-accurate absolute dickhead, yeah? So you got a Sunday avo off, right, free to do what you like instead of various clothes-repairing chores or whatever, and you are walking from the big house down to the village in the sunshine to go uh. To uh. To.

We are also living in a fantasy 1830s where I have easy access to testosterone and uh and a strap and nobody gives a fuck about it, right? Because I say so. I don't want to have to imagine myself a cis man just cs of the era. Hey, if Dr James Barry can get on alright then fellas so can I, right? Tho I think he might've been late Victorian times tbh. Shhhh the only historical accuracy we care about is the nice stuff okay let's ignore everything else for now

So we are using this miraculously progressive and sunshiny 1830s Sunday afternoon off to walk down the lane and go fuck the village baker, okay?

Because you can

Still feels all a bit something to be doing this on a Sunday - I'm not religious, nor am I in any way a churchgoer, but I did unforch recently descend from evangelists so I do have the unhealthy weight of xian guilt on my shoulders for no good goddamn reason anyway - and it would've been some kinda consideration, too, in the 1830s, when going to church and believing all that toxic rot is just what you did, no questions

Ooh I don't have a priest kink but I do wonder if the local priest in this imaginary ye olde village would be ahem interested, now there's a thought to think about doesn't he want to do right by one of his congregation, hm? Doesn't he want to give members of his flock what they need? (What they need is to corrupt him, fill him full of cum and bring him low enough to beg them and G-d for it - are we using singular they? Your choice)

Uh.

Anyway, it's a bit of something to be fucking men on a Sunday, engaging in various sins by choice, y'know

I don't have the headspace at almost-4am to write out a thing as I did the blacksmith and his lordship, obviously, not that that was well-received anyhow, obviously, because this seems to be the wrong forum for my rambley ADHD writing, if anywhere's the right forum, which I doubt

But, imagine, if you will, all dressed up in typical 1830s attire, best you can afford on a valet's salary, and flour all over your shirt and showing on your unbuttoned waistcoat, its skirt flipped up and front-fall trousers round your knees, to allow the baker um access to fuck you, rough, bent over, holding on to the low back wall that splits the bakery from the inn for dear life - maybe the innkeeper comes along to see what's the commotion while his wife and everyone's at church, and joins, fucks your mouth to shut you up, hm? Making too much noise, they'll hear you from St Peter's, won't they, and then what will we do? Better to shut you up, just like this, and god don't it feel good?

Hm. I was originally thinking of um of being in the baker's position, as described, railing this big strong incredibly capable man til he's wrecked with it, y'know, but there we go, hey

[sirenscriptures]

i’m starting to regret adding cod mw2 to my masterlist, and let me tell you why. (this is a bit of a rant, so be advised)

there are starting to be way too many entitled people popping up underneath the very little i have written so far, and i just don’t understand why.

and before you lecture me on how there’s entitled/rude people everywhere, i am very aware of that fact lol. but there is a pattern i’ve started to notice with fandoms like these, specifically fandoms that take off in popularity on social media sites like tiktok/twitter.

it’s very easy to see who actually cares about writers on here and what they provide for the fandom, and who doesn’t. i can tell in the way they interact with them and how they show their support. i’m not sure if it’s just because i’ve been on tumblr for a while on previous blogs of mine, but i can just tell who does and doesn’t.

and i don’t know why i have to explain this..but me not writing for gaz right off the bat is not “erasing” him. for context, in my latest post (which is my first ever headcanon post for mw2) i have so many people in my inbox saying i am “erasing” his character or that i’m somehow committing a huge sin by not writing for him in my very first post…

now, i could understand if people were upset if i tagged his name on the post and he wasn’t there, but i never did that. you can see for yourself here. it’s tagged in the right ways, and everything else.

there is all the 141 characters on there, but no gaz. and if you’re wondering why: it’s because i wanted to get a better grasp on könig’s character before writing for gaz and including him in something like that. but also, i kept the title very neutral to not throw people off.

but also, if of the people upset had any care to look, you’d see that this is a newer blog. meaning, it’s not gonna have every single character available yet! there is nowhere on my blog that says i don’t write for him or that i dislike him in any way. (he’s actually very interesting and i was planning to write for him up next)

but there is something that people need to learn. like ASAP. not everyone is going to write for all the characters you like. not everyone is going to include every single character from a certain fandom/group/etc. that’s okay !!!

the fact so many people got upset with me, someone pretty damn new to the fandom (at least the writing side of it), shows that they can’t solve their own problem and find a headcanon post or fanfic that DOES have the content they’re searching for!

all i’m saying is: please just be more considerate. if you don’t see the character you want, don’t waste your time commenting and complaining about it. it’s getting kind of hard to keep wanting to write for this fandom as i’ve never had this problem with any other fandom i’ve written for on my other blogs.

if you’ve read this far, please know you are appreciated <3 continue to support the content you love on here by reblogging, commenting, and all that good stuff that keeps it circulating. have a nice day/night !! <3

[space-writes]

since it’s been working really well for me the past few weeks, i thought i’d throw together a quick tutorial for how i set up my writeblr RSS feed!

Step One - find an RSS reader

I’ve been using feedbro for years. It’s pretty simple, there’s no limit to how many feeds you can have, you can organise with folders, and it’s free. it doesn’t sync across devices, but given I mainly check my feeds on desktop and nowhere else, it works for me. i’ll be using it for this tutorial, so YMMV for setting up different readers.

Step Two - make a folder

call it writeblr. that’s it!

Step Three - kill your browser

by which I mean, open up every single writeblr you follow/want to keep track of. you don’t have to do them all at once, but it’s fun :p

Step Four - add your feeds!

for feedbro, you do this by going to the feebro extension, selecting ‘find feeds in current tab’, and adding the feed it finds to the writeblr folder you just made. different readers will have a slightly different process, so just find out what it is for your reader, and do that for every writeblr!

in feedbro, you’ll then need to go find the feed and right-click to edit the properties to have the name of the blog or the username.

Step Five - no feed? no problem!

i’ve found that for some blogs, feeds don’t show up. however, they do show up if you view the blog in the dashboard view (you know, the one where you go to tumblr.com/user instead of user.tumblr.com)

Step Six - set your boundaries

by which i mean - adjust your settings. for my own health, my feeds update once a day or when I choose to update them. having notification badges every time something gets posted is really distracting and stresses me out, so i like deciding exactly when i’m going to engage.

go through the settings options your reader has for display, and maximum entires, and all that good stuff, and tweak it until you’re happy.

Step Seven - see all the good good posts

this is how i’ve been keeping up so much better with everyone’s stuff lately! my queue is hugely full now because i’m actually seeing everyone’s posts, and i don’t see a cool snippet, then immediately forget it exists, because it stays in the feed reader until i delete it! it’s great!

and that’s how i’ve been using writeblr the past few weeks. hopefully this is helpful to at least one person!

(also, i wrote this before the newest change of 'make the icons gone and/or tiny and make it hard to see who is reblogging who' so. this method will let you keep track of actual blogs and know exactly who's posting what. everyone switch to interacting with this website exclusively through rss readers they can't stop us all)

[dreamingsushi]

Till the End of the Moon - Episode 25

Last episode we started running towards a huge wall of miscommunication and misunderstanding, especially because Susu is meddling with stuff she shouldn’t. Of course, Ye Bingchang is part of the problem, but if Susu wasn’t trying to go behind Tantai Jin’s back all the time, we would avoid much of the upcoming crisis.

Tantai Jin asks Ye Xiwu if she made this porridge especially for him. He asks her to feed it to him. But before she puts the spoon to his mouth, she faints? Falls asleep? I’m not so sure what happened and we’re already moving on to something else. Okay so I think this review is going to be somewhat complicated. Susu seems to only come back to herself while riding a horse and she seems surprised that she managed to escape with Xiao Lin. Tantai Jin had Nian Baiyu check the porridge and they found a deadly poison from Sheng, without any cure. Now I’m scared for Granny. I have a bad feeling. Anyways, Tantai Jin thinks she wanted to kill him. So he uses the water of Ruo river to control her and he sends her to do what she wants. She admits to poisoning the porridge, because she did with something else, which creates more misunderstandings since she never intended to kill Tantai Jin, but of course her hypnotized self won’t explain anything. He still lets her go and tells Nian Baiyu to let her achieve her goal, then he goes crazy from the hurt I guess, destroying everything. Then he does something to a puppet, but I don’t understand.

Susu doesn’t remember how they escaped and Xiao Lin says she seems to have a fever, probably from the fright of the night. He thinks it’s a little suspicious that everything is going so well and that no one is following them. She remembers a little bit. Xiao Lin wants Susu to come along with him since Tantai Jin will be angry at her, but she won’t follow him to the South, she needs to stay by his side and obviously Tantai Jin only thinks she wants to go with Xiao Lin.

Tantai Jin hears news that something happened at the Ye family residence. I hope that when he hearst hat granny was hurt because Ye Xiwu made porridge for her he’ll figure out that something is wrong. Ye Xiwu would never try to harm even less kill her granny. Ye Bingchang is actually very surprised to see Tantai Jin come around and alive. Please slip up. Tantai Jin don’t fall for her dirty lies. Also why is Nian Baiyu there? Wasn’t he supposed to follow Ye Xiwu? Granny gains consciousness seeing Tantai Jin and asks about Xiwu. She dies relieved after Tantai Jin promises to her that he’ll take good care of Ye Xiwu. Please do the maths Tantai Jin, you are smart. Tantai Jin allows Ye Bingchang to stay at home. Ye Qingyu tells Tantai Jin that granny was poisoned. Ye Bingchang says that granny must have taken the porridge by accident since Ye Xiwu would never hurt her. Then he says it was to hurt him. I’m so upset. all of this only to save Xiao Lin from prison. Really not worth it. I hope they find the sleepy powder in the other bowl of porridge, but they probably won’t. And Ye Bingchang gets what she wanted. Unless Tantai Jin has a plan. He’s usually two steps ahead.

I thought Xiwu wasn’t going to follow Xiao Lin? They arrived at the meeting point where master Pang waited for him even though he was late for four days. Tantai Jin takes control of Ye Xiwu’s body and has her stab Xiao Lin. They really can’t communicate like normal people instead of going behind each other’s back, right? This is exactly why I was against this ship to begin with. They can’t trust each other. Really bad special effects on the bleeding. She comes back to her senses, unaware of what happened. Nian Baiyu asks Tantai Jin why he made her do that when he knew all along her goal and he wants her to be hated by everyone so she’ll have nowhere to go but to him. If this isn’t a BIG BIG BIG red flag mister Tantai Jin? What a twisted plan. That’s not a way to ear someone’s love. However something isn’t going according to plan. Xiao Lin wants to protect Ye Xiwu. He comforts her, the wound isn’t fatal. He says that he was hurt by the Jing soldiers and not Ye Xiwu, even though they all witnessed it. Master Pang freed Ye Xiwu from the spell, however Xiao Lin is going to die from the wound because it is no ordinary wound. Master Pang wants Xiao Lin to keep bed ridden until he finds a solution, but Xiao Lin wants to carve the sharp stabbing out of his body, because he’s sure there’s a reason for Tantai Jin letting him live when he could have killed him. Xiao Lin sends Ye Xiwu away but she wants to stay. He tells her her granny passed away. He also lets her think that Tantai Jin killed her? WTF? I try to watch my words, but what the hell is happening right now? Dudes, stop using Ye Xiwu in your fights, she has something more important to accomplish and has no time to play being your tool. Once she’s all excited with hatred towards Tantai Jin, Xiao Lin knocks her out. When she wakes up, she’s tied up in a carriage and manages to escape thanks to her spiritual weapon.

Tantai Jin’s plan didn’t work as Xiao Lin carved the weapon out of his body. They even defeated the other army and saved all the prisoners. Xiao Lin left a letter to tell Tantai Jin that he’s leaving his country in his care while the others will escape to the South. He even offers him the dragon scale to protect him.

Susu makes it back to the camp, but it’s too late: Xiao Lin is dead. He asked in his last will that Tantai Jin takes care of Ye Bingchang, since she’s a nice girl and now she won’t have a husband anymore to care for her. Master Pang is going to leave the mortal realm and go back to cultivate, he’s dejected from being here, now that Sheng is gone and Xiao Lin too.

Tantai Jin refuses Nian Baiyu’s comforting words. He knows that Ye Xiwu is never going to come back because he forced her to stab the man she loved all this time. He’s very sad. Well your plan was dumb. You’re usually smarter than that. However, while on an outing, she’s right there, saying she’s come back. She tells him they should start over again, that she forgives him and asks him if he forgives her. He nods yes. She’s finally back on track, she told Master Pang she needs to finish her mission this time. I mean... you kind of spoiled it yourself by doing useless stuff. BUT OH WELL. Then she faints.

It’s kind of a little bit frustrating how he forgives her so easily when he readily believed Ye Bingchang that Ye Xiwu poisoned the porridge. It doesn’t make much sense to me that he agrees not to ask anymore about what happened. Susu is confusing me at this point, I’m not sure I understand what she wants from him. It’s a mess. But it’s a drama, so it should be a mess.

[linkspooky]

What’s your personal thoughts about the… um… I guess the Cursed Naoya arc? Does that arc even have a name???

Ahem. But yeah. That arc. Got any thoughts on it?

For me personally, I’m ‘meh’ with it. Like… it wasn’t the worst thing ever I guess… but it also wasn’t what I expected when we returned to Maki.

I wrote three meta over the course of the fight, here, here, and here.

It's not really an arc I personally enjoyed though, and unlike most people I'm not really that critical of the Culling Games arc. With the exception of the last two fights, I think most of the individual matchups in the culling games arc were interesting fights to read through.

It has nothing to do with Naoya appearing again necessarily, I find Naoya to be an enjoyable character with just enough personality and depth his screentime doesn't ever feel wasted and the idea of a vengeful cursed spirit is a fun one which was clearly set up as a concept long before this.

The problem with this arc really is Maki. I don't like the fridging of Mai as a character, or the fact that the Zenin Massacre arc even happened, but it did happen and we are stuck with the choice Gege made so if you are going to make the darkest most tragic turn in Maki's arc possible then she should be reacting like she's a character in a tragedy who has suffered a horrible loss.

Like, Gege is so desperate to push this narrative that Maki is the second coming of Toji, but Maki herself acts nothing like Toji. Toji killed random people. Toji's trauma was so all consuming he lashed out and hurt others, he basically had no morals, he cared more about his selfish pride in wanting to invalidate the jujutsu world and kill Gojo then the fact Megumi would have no home to return to. Maki right now is acting as Toji but like with all the character flaws removed, despite having Toji's trauma she has none of Toji's negative behavior, which is like... not how trauma victims act. Despite being the return of the sorcerer killer she's not... killing random sorcerers in the culling games which is a perfect opportunity for Maki to do that.

Which when drawing the parallels between Toji and Maki the only real parallel we have left is that Maki has the same powers. Which like, okay, we make Maki take this incredibly tragic turn in her arc and yet her character doesn't change at all, she just gets a power up.

Maki's massacre of the Zenin is something that should have huge fallout, and should be her darkest moment as a character. This is something a lot of Maki fans tend to brush over, but murdering an entire family of people in revenge for one person's death is not... good. It's not moral. It was a revenge killing. Not every single person in the clan was responsible for Mai's death, in fact several of those people were just foot soldiers who didn't have an innate technique and therefore were similiarly disadvantaged in the clan. Maki killing that many people should have been a sign of her mental breakdown like it was for Geto. Geto's massacre of the village was his point of no return, it was something that made all of his friends label him a monster and the institution he worked for call for his execution. It's a turning point for both his story and the character.

The way Maki acts right now, the Zenin Massacre may as well have never happened. Post Mai's death we are basically left with the same Maki, and even though she apparently was so heartbroken by Mai's death she massacred an entire clan in her name, she doesn't even seem too broken up by her sister's recent death.

Noritoshi Kamo is a minor character, and yet more screentime is given to his distress and his feelings about his lost mother and his fear that he's been replaced and has nowhere else to go in the world. Maki is dealing with similiar issues but she doesn't process or face those feelings at all, she just sumo wrestles.

So you could have done a lot of follow up work to salvage Maki's character post Zenin Massacre, and show that the Zenin Massacre was not a good or healthy thing for her character to do and we get none of that. In fact, the tragedy of Mai's death isn't really something we feel either, because Mai shows up as a fucking sword, and apparently she's fine being dead and only existing as a fucking sword for the rest of her life and even pats Maki on the back for defeating Naoya. That whole scene with Maki and Mai was weird at the end where she congratulated Maki, like you don't murder your way to peace of mind. Maki shouldn't be like "Well, everyone's dead now problem solved."

It's just not interesting, because I don't care about Maki's super powers, I care about her as a person and I want to know emotoinally how she is doing, but her thoughts and feelings are something Gege has shut us out of entirely.

[presidentstalkeyes]

Norma Natividad is autistic.

Now, I know it might seem iffy that I'm headcanoning the academically-inclined jerk character as autistic, but hear me out. :V

Her investigative tendencies strike me as a special interest of hers, so when the mystery of the mole comes on the scene she pounces on it and remains focused for the entirety of the story, while all the other Interns are varying degrees of apathetic. She tells everyone it's for the extra credit points but Lizzie's post-game comment - "she's been 'helping' me all my life" suggest it's just a Thing Norma Does. She's also shown talking about her investigation to a less-than-interested Gisu, despite the fact that Raz is standing right there, suggesting that's her 'I'm gonna spill about my interests today because I have to tell someone' moment.

Playing into the above, she wants to make herself helpful and useful - hence the investigation and snitching on Raz to 'Truman' - but has a bit of trouble with impulse control and reading the room. Sometimes she 'helps' when it isn't really asked for and has difficulty leaving well enough alone. I do imagine this is rooted a lot in her past as a psychic, but there's also an element of internalized ableism - she wants to prove she can 'fit in' and contribute to neurotypical society.

While she wasn't unbiased towards Raz to start with because, you know, literal child getting into the Intern program on his first day and all - she came up with her theory because she 'saw what others couldn't' and took the events surrounding Raz's arrival at face value (kid she's never heard of before suddenly showing up out of nowhere, becomes an Intern immediately and is apparently best buddies with three Senior Agents) and came to the logical - but incorrect - conclusion that something didn't add up. This feels like a very autistic thing for me personally, to see something that should be obvious yet gets ignored for apparently arbitrary reasons.

She seems adept at, essentially, spycraft, which she accomplishes by putting on acts - again projecting here, but when you mask for long enough eventually you sorta understand how to mask and in what way to get a desired reaction. I personally don't do this because I can't stand being dishonest, but Norma has no such hangups... which is not to say she enjoys it. Masking for a long time can be exhausting. So when she doesn't need to, she speaks bluntly and honestly, and depending on her mood she either doesn't know or doesn't care if she comes off as rude in the process. It's her treat! (Her comment to Raz about his father, "I'm sorry, are you jealous? Did your father not spend much time with you growing up?" was half-honest question, half-low-blow jab to get a rise out of him because she still thinks he's a smug brat who's duping everyone and 'if only everyone else could see what I'm seeing!')

Kinda grasping at straws for this one, but she has a couple tics she repeats a lot - she's often seen with her hands clasped together in front of her and regularly pulls her glasses up her nose, which both feel like stims.

Finally, going by one of the cut Bottled Thoughts, she suffers from anxiety over if she's really a good person or not, showing she still has empathy for others buried beneath that prickly exterior. This is sort of made apparent in the final game - she apologizes to Raz for thinking he's the Mole and promises to make it up to him, and using Clairvoyance on her in the postgame reveals she at least begrudgingly warmed up to him after that. However, when Raz and her sister directly confront her over her wrongdoing, her knee-jerk response is to downplay it and be like 'well it all worked out in the end, what's the problem?'. I know based on my own experience and convos with other autistic folks that an unfortunate reality of being autistic is having strangers overreact towards something you did or said for seemingly no logical reason, so it's tempting to wish that everyone would just stop making such a huge deal over minor errors - pobody's nerfect, just accept mistakes happen and move on. Except in Norma's case it's more than just a simple mistake, but she's still in the denial phase of the incident and doesn't want that 'am I a good person?' anxiety to flare up again, and her difficulty at reading the room lead to her reaction.

Also note that this is the only time you can finally hand her the 'Mission-Critical Assets', whereupon she'll act like a jerk towards Raz again ("get over yourself, it's just a scavenger hunt!") - which, considering my earlier thoughts, strikes me as a 'well fine, if you wanna treat me like a jerk then I guess I'll act like one!' moment (showing she still struggles to regulate her emotions). Then she gets uncharacteristically flustered when Raz suddenly turns the tables on her, and let me tell you, I felt that. :V

Just to be clear, this is in no way meant to justify or excuse her dickish behaviour towards Raz, who I'm pretty sure is autistic himself (and I know I'm not the only one who thinks that). I'm autistic and I was a kind of a dick when I was Norma's age, and I make no excuses for that. She just has some growing up to do, really.

[give-soup-please]

Is there a way we'll be able to keep updated on how you are after the blog closes? I've seen things like this happen before and I always wonder if the person that ran the blog is happy or even ok! If you want to leave it at this that is also fine. Either way, safe travels and a happy life to you.

(warning, long personal post ahead)

(I'm sorry. You probably wanted a simple answer, but I don't have one.)

I've had this in my inbox for a while, and I still don't have an answer, despite the fact that we've got less than a week to go. I'm honestly feeling very conflicted about what to do next. A lot of my wants and needs are clashing, and I don't know what to do. I want to keep in contact with people I've made as friends, I really do. There are definitely some users who come into my notes and make me happy to see. I love chatting with people in this format, and people actually care about what I have to say. It's remarkable.

I need a break from writing and social media. I started getting caught up in obsessing over notes and follower count, which ugh- There are so many other ways I could use my time. I need to write for myself again, but posting about myself and my snippets feels like crafting something for an audience.

I've been debating a few different things. I have a PO box now, if someone wants to send me something. I'm debating whether to make it public so everyone can join the fun, or to DM it just to the people who specifically asked for it. I don't know how connected I want to be to other people right now. I'm debating creating a second blog as a personal one, and leaving this one as an archive. I want to digitally hang out with people, but I'm a naturally anxious person and hanging out with people stresses me out.

The narrator is still in my head, and I have so many ideas that I want to explore with him. Not as headcanons, not as requests, but longer fic ideas. A friend and I were chatting about this earlier. I want to do a longfic slow burn about the narrator coming to our world and getting a chance to explore. This would be slow character development and have him go from his gameself to his more mellow and kind version that I created. Something long and fulfilling, more than 50K words if I could manage it. And that's just one idea of about five that I have. He has so much potential as a character. There are so many aspects of him that I'd love to play with.

There's so much I still want to do. I want to stay connected to you guys, but only if I can find a way that's healthy for me. Don't even get me started on the issues that come with being a full time student at a university. Competition is tough here. I'm already tired from the move in, and I've gotta be mostly recovered by the time school starts or else my grades are going to suck. Something far worse could happen if I'm not gentle with myself. And I have personal issues that I don't talk about often. I don't want the sight of my personal stuff to be a stressor for anyone. There are a few people who I used to follow, who constantly posted about their problems and their mental health, and I couldn't find a way to detach from them except to unfollow.

There's an active and angry part of my brain that wants to purposely self sabotage and burn out in my first quarter, because I really don't want to be in college at all. But there's nowhere else for me to go. Housing and food are covered for me due to scholarships and a hell of a lot of luck.

I don't like myself very much, for a variety of reasons. Resisting this part of my brain that wants to destroy myself is taking a huge amount of concentration and willpower. There's a reason that when I write personal stuff, it's always characters telling me that I deserve good things. "A story is not always for the listener, sometimes it's for the one who tells it." (paraphrased, welcome to night vale)

I usually keep my political beliefs out of my blog, but I so wish we had some sort of help for people who don't want to follow a preset career path. Universal income, or something similar. If I had the ability to have housing and food taken care of, I'd keep writing all the time. If there wasn't so much stress and pressure to be a student, to be productive, I'd be so much happier.

I guess I'm asking the crowd for advice. I don't want to leave, but I can't seem to stay either. That's the thing, I've always wanted segmented, clean breaks. But life is complicated, and my emotions keep getting in the way.

Many of you are very sweet, and I couldn't keep myself detached forever. You all collectively wore me down, and got access to my heart.

I can't tell if it's rude or charming that you guys got to me. (half-joke)

And the narrator- Don't get me started (or do, my inbox is still open) on this guy. If he was real, I'd be shaking him by the shoulders in frustration. I accidentally made him too real in my head, and now he's a constant companion. I'm working on getting my computer repaired so I can play the demo, which I haven't yet. It involves a three hour round trip to get the components fixed. I could watch a video, but I'd rather play the game myself so there's less of a barrier between us. There are no other characters I would go to these lengths for. I love him so much, and I want to write dialogue for him until the stars burn out. To put it another way-

The absolute bastard. If I ever find a way to crossover to his place, I'm going to have strong words with him because he had no right to capture my heart like this. He didn't even have to try. I'm furious about it. (but not really)

Hey, we got way off track in this ramble. Call that narrator-core.

[c-rose2081]

The Bench (Broken Moon)

*dark themes warning*

—

—

-

Zed didn’t realize how illusive Addison Wells actually was.

He’d looked for her after their short conversation in the cafeteria, but she was either avoiding him like the plague, or had simply vanished into thin air. The girl was nowhere to be found, and Zed wondered where exactly she ended up. Of course, the minute he wasn’t looking for her is when she decided to appear. Except it was hardly in the way he was expecting.

There wasn’t any sort of homeless problem in Seabrook. If something happened, you were supported — monsters and human alike. So seeing someone sleeping at a bus stop in the middle of a rainstorm was kinda uncommon, if not completely unheard of. Zed was already soaked, having missed his ride on the activities bus which took him back to Zombietown after football practice. So he chose to walk instead, which wasn’t bad until the clouds rolled in.

It was an early night in the storm, and he’d been hurrying to reach home when he ran right past the bench and immediately skidded to a stop. His old cleats scraped against the wet pavement as he halted his jaunt down the road, and in the light of a streetlamp he goggled back at the girl he had spent the last day trying to find.

Addison was snoozing on a bench in the middle of the storm, either unbothered by the cold and wet, or so tired to the point where she no longer cared. Her white hair cascaded in soaked rivulets through the bench’s narrow slats, picking up mud from the pavement below. Her clothing was all but transparent from the rain, and she had nothing else on her but the threadbare outfit (one that clearly wasn’t made for stormy weather). She had no backpack or bag, no phone, and no jacket of any kind. It was just her in the middle of a storm, dressed for summer weather and looking half-dead in the lamplight.

Zed hesitated and reached for his phone. He should just call someone…someone better suited to handle whatever this situation was. The human police or the z-patrol or something. But he dropped his hand in the end, taking a few small steps closer to the comatose teenager. Now, leaning over her, Zed noticed something he hadn’t before.

Scars.

Deep, ragged, painful looking scars. They were huge and a bit hard to miss, what with how they curled from under her shirt, up the side of her neck and through the underside of her jaw. They were well faded — clearly old wounds that she’d had for (assuming) most of her life — but they still made him cringe nonetheless. He couldn’t imagine what sort of accident would leave marks like that, let alone how painful it must’ve been to endure. How he hadn’t seen them when they talked yesterday, Zed wasn’t entirely sure. But then, he’d also been very distracted by Addison’s beautiful eyes and face to be staring anywhere else.

Shaking the intrusive thoughts away and scoffing (now wasn’t the time), Zed hesitantly inched forward a bit more to observe. The girl was thin — far smaller then she should’ve been — and Zed frowned deeply. Her family was gone; she had no one taking care of her as far as he knew. Did she have food at home? Hell, did she even have a home to go too now? Seabrook wasn’t keen on having open real estate sitting around, so if a house was empty it was sold just as fast.

“Hey.”

Zed spoke up, voice croaking from shouting all through football practice, “hey, Addison.”

No response.

Pursing his lips, Zed inched closer. He didn’t want to touch her, but he also had no idea if she was even breathing. He couldn’t see if her chest was moving, what with how limply she was laid across her side. The thought of having come across a…a body…made him want to be sick, and he very slowly reached down to check for a pulse. Despite her skin being the same temperature as ice, there was a heartbeat. It felt normal, but Zed wasn’t a doctor, or even a good student in health class.

The hand suddenly grabbing his z-band startled him.

He physically jumped in surprise as his arm was yanked and he ended up on the ground. At first, Zed thought maybe he’d been pushed from behind, rather then body slammed arm first. But when he looked up, there was only Addison. She was haloed in the streetlamp, and for a very brief second she looked completely feral. Glowing eyes, teeth and claws, fur and ears. But he must’ve imagined it, because the next she was just a sickly girl staring down at him in shock.

“…h-hi…” he managed, “sorry, I-I just had to check if you were…”

He trailed off. Addison was staring at him blankly, like she had no idea who he was to begin with. Actually, it looked like she had no idea where she was either, glancing around in confusion, her breathing hard and fast out of fear.

“Addison,” he said, drawing her attention back to him. She at least knew her name…that was a good thing, right? “are you ok?”

Stupid question, because clearly she wasn’t ok. But hey, at least he asked.

“I…” her voice was broken, more so than his, as though she’d been screaming endlessly for days, “I don’t…know…?”

“You don’t know if you’re ok?” Zed puzzled in worry. Maybe she’d fallen and smacked her head on the sidewalk? A hit and run resulting in a concussion, perhaps? No. Not possible. That sort of thing felt off brand for Seabrook. It was a safe place to live, Zombies aside.

Addison sat up with a wince, looking more and more pained with every movement. She opened her palms to glance at her hands, then once again at her surroundings. She still had no idea where she was — Zed could see it in her eyes. He once again thought about calling someone, but something inside stopped him. He was now leaning more and more towards the ‘possibly hit by a car’ theory, which felt wild, but he’d never seen anyone so disoriented before (and he played football for god’s sake).

“Do you have someone I can call?” He wondered, once again wanting to hit himself for the stupid question the minute it left his mouth. Her parents were dead, idiot, who was she going to call?

“…no…” she managed, “no I…I should…” the girl moved to stand, only to instantly fall off the curb in something similar to a faint. Zed scrambled from his place on the street to catch her, using his body to keep hers from hitting the pavement. Enough damage had already been done, and he still had no idea what happened to leave her this way. But, seeing as he was already neck deep in the situation, Zed couldn’t go back on it now.

“Let’s get you someplace safe, kay?” He told her, grasping the girls arms with his hands, “Addison,” he insisted, having to nearly bark to get her attention back on him, “do you remember me?”

“…I think…” she nodded, only to pause and think for a very long second before answering, “Zed? You’re Zed, from…from school, right?”

“Yes. Ok, that’s…that’s better, I guess,” He mumbled to himself, grunting as he hoisted both himself and Addison up off the wet pavement, “come on, we’ll get you out of this weather.”

“It’s raining,” she mused to him, barely able to hold herself up as he slung a shoulder under her arm (awkwardly, because she was just that short).

“Yes. And you’ve been out here sleeping in it,” he chuffed, shaking his head. It was more likely, he realized, that she had gotten hurt sometime in the night and dragged herself onto the bench before passing out completely. But why or how, he still didn’t know.

Thankfully (or not thankfully), she was incredibly light, and it wasn’t to much of a chore to get her back to Zombietown. She didn’t say hardly anything as he dragged her back home with him, but at least she was a bit more responsive to his verbal cues to step up or down off curbs. By the time they both reached the house, rain was torrenting down on them, and the streets were mostly abandoned. Thunder rolled in the distant hills as Zed guided Addison up the steps of his porch, old wood creaking from the extra and unexpected weight.

His dad opened the door before he could even reach for the knob.

“Zed!” The man barked in surprise, only to shift on his feet at the sight of a guest, “who’s this, son? What’s going on?”

“She’s from school, Dad. I think…I think she got hit by a car…”

“What?! In Seabrook?”

“She needs a Doctor,” Zed insisted, “she needs help right now.”

—

[novelmonger]

I watched FMA: The Revenge of Scar on FMA Day and am only now talking about it shush leave me alone I was busy okay.

Both before and after watching it, I've come across a fair share of posts sharing their excitement about it, talking about it as something they enjoyed. And there's only one thought that comes to mind when I see them:

....Why?

I'm not trying to rain on anybody's parade or anything; I'm just genuinely confused. If you like these movies, what do you like about them? If you watched the first one and were excited when the sequel was announced, why? I'm just really confused, because I've watched two of these movies now, and...sorry to be blunt, but I thought both were a pile of crap ^^'

Am I just somehow missing everyone who's complaining about the movies? Or am I completely misunderstanding people who are trying to make the best of things? Because right now, I feel like I'm either left out of a huge, fandom-wide joke, or I've gone utterly insane.

I mean, I have sooooo many complaints against these movies, such as:

very fake-looking wigs and costumes (admittedly, they were a bit better in the second one)

Ed and Al were the only ones who could act their way out of a paper bag (I've only seen the sub, so can't speak to dub performances)

the CG looked so fake and ugly

even I noticed the awful greenscreen and masking lines

the transmutations were way too slow; I had horrible flashbacks to The Last Airbender x.x

terrible pacing, so both dramatic and comedic moments fall flat (which makes me want to cry, because Arakawa-san has such impeccable timing for both T^T)

nonsensical switching around of the timeline, creating problems for themselves they then have to scramble to solve in the most haphazard ways (like Ed's motivation to go to the ruins of Xerxes, which makes no sense now because they didn't have Ross go into hiding, so he had no reason to go into the desert; he just kind of...heard the word "ruins" and teleported to the desert)

WHAT ON EARTH WENT WRONG WITH ARMSTRONG WHY DID THEY GIVE HIM A PROSTHETIC SCALP JUST FIND AN ACTOR WHO LOOKS GOOD WITH A SHAVED HEAD GOODNESS GRACIOUS D:

Mei is waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old

the soundtrack is utterly forgettable, which is a huge shame when you compare it to the masterpieces of Michiru Oshima and Akira Senju that came before it

Envy's true form is nowhere near big enough

maybe a minor gripe, but the clapping and snapping for alchemy just...doesn't sound cool like it does in both animes :/ More realistic, I guess, but um...this is fantasy, you can let such things have big dramatic sound effects just because they sound cool....

why on earth does Winry have dark hair????? Why does everybody else have to wear awful wigs but she keeps her natural hair color???? aldkfjsa;kfljsdlfkjslkj;lkjsf

I was bored all the way through both movies and kept checking the time to see how much was left. Let me repeat that: I was BORED. In Full Metal Alchemist!

On the positive side, um.....

Ryosuke Yamada was basically the perfect choice to play Ed. He really nailed the character, and had some great expressions and deliveries that brought out Ed's personality without making it too cartoony and over-the-top (and I'm pretty sure that the problems I have with timing are more a fault of the director, rather than the actor)

I actually really enjoyed the scene where Ed and Al have their little confrontation about Al's soul being fake; it was new material, but 100% in-character, and full of the brotherly love that is at the heart of FMA

Nina is adooooorable :'3

Selim is also possibly the cutest little boy I've ever seen in my life; super hard to imagine him as a Homunculus, but that's kind of the point

props to them for the attention to detail required to recreate some scenes with even the same framing and angles as the manga now if only they'd also managed to recreate the pacing and emotional depth

Uh...yeah, that's all I've got. It really doesn't weigh out the negative side.

Again, if you liked the movies...please, I'm begging you, tell me why! I really want to understand ;_;

[rosehearrt]

OTP for your muse? // pls gush about your otps with meeeeeeeeee 💖😘💖😚💖💖

NO LONGER ACCEPTING ━ ♡ Munday Meme ♡ .

6. - OTP for your muse?

Local highly emotionally unstable hotties in your area, looking for love? More likely than you think! Here he is, nuttier than a five-­pound fruitcake. Don't you just adore the idea of being the apple of his eye?

Anyway.

Despite the catastrophic pain in the ass that romancing mr. rosehearts would be, I adore shipping. I have so many ships that I like, and even the ones that I don't list here are definitely things I'd be willing to try out! But everything I list is probably going to consist of my favorites ( in no particular order; I adore them all ).

Now. To begin with, seeing as though I just did all of those romance hcs, it's only fitting that I lay out the people who I think would fit the description of his desires for things like intellectual stimulation, deep thought put into romantic gestures, and a general ability to keep up with his thirst for knowledge and his tendencies towards constantly rattling said knowledge off aloud. For these things I could picture Malleus, Jade, Azul, Jamil, or Vil. All of them are very smart, and all of them have canonically fine relationships with Riddle which is an important starting point for him. All of them also have plenty they could offer him by way of teaching him things he doesn't know, which would be huge for him, and all of them are clever enough in their own ways to disarm him if he catapults into an episode and starts raging. Yet another point.

AS FOR OTHER SHIPS I REALLY LIKE AND THINK COULD WORK IF GONE ABOUT IN THE RIGHT WAY, there's Rook, Leona, and Floyd. With Leona, obviously they have a lot in common in terms of their backstories, and Riddle was able to actually witness his Overblot firsthand and learn about a lot of these things. We also have a lot of canonical evidence of them having a good relationship and generally caring for each other, so again - good place to start off from. Leona is also smart but the problem with them is that they'd clash a lot - if Leona decides to poke at Riddle for entertainment purposes, things could become a disaster. I also think if he's too lazy, Riddle could quickly lose patience. However, build them up slowly and let them fall into a dynamic that works well enough and it could definitely happen!! With Rook, Riddle already looks up to him and appreciates him, but I think his antics and noncommittal nature at times might drive him up the wall a little bit. Again, with him it depends - there's definitely potential there, and a lot Rook can offer him by way of teaching him and opening the doors to a new perspective on the world.

Finally we have Floyd. I probably don't need to explain it, but here it comes regardless. He's off his rocker, Riddle is off his rocker, they'd be constantly bickering. However. Floyd could be extremely good for Riddle because he's so partial to games and entertainment, is pushy and doesn't listen, and can't bring himself to obey any set rules no matter what. It's very important to note, that behavior is something that Riddle would only be able to put up with because it's from Floyd. Anyone else would be written off at once, but as we see in canon material, Floyd is constantly trying to goad Riddle into stepping away from whatever he's studying or whatever bad mood he's in so that they can do something 'fun'. I think that would be extremely healthy for Riddle, to be in a relationship where he can be pulled away from his own obsessive compulsive rituals no matter what they are. I think Floyd also has an uncanny ability to say something really profound every so often out of nowhere, and it lands exactly the way he wants it to as evidenced in the anthology manga. That part of him would definitely provide good reason for Riddle to fall for him. Finally, I think their bickering and Floyd's unceasing attempts to bother him would provide intellectual stimulation for Riddle in a way - perhaps not the way he'd usually like, but it would keep him on his toes nonetheless, which is saying something.

Also! As an extra, I think Floyd, like Rook, has the ability to show Riddle a new perspective on the world and drag him out into it if he decided he felt like it, so that's a plus.

To sum all of this up, like I said before, I can get into pretty much any ship - these are just some of the ones I've roleplayed before or consumed content for and happen to really like. But believe me, with good chemistry and enough interaction, there's little I won't ship haha!

[livcosmos]

2022 Wrap Up Stories

How is this year almost over? How did this happen? I absolutely can’t believe it, it’s crazy! So much happened, so many life-changing things…and not just this year also since the last time I wrote to you my life has been turned upside down, and not just because "Midnights" by the queen herself came out, but more about that in a minute. I almost finished my first semester at uni, how crazy is that?! I never ever would have believed anyone who would have told me back in July/August that I was going to make it this far, that it was going to go well, and that I was going to enjoy it but here we are! I’m studying English and History but I’m also taking a seminar in Film so I have so much to talk about, let’s get started!

All right first things first, before we get into the books and movies we have to start with music because WOW! So I teased it already in the opening but Midnights?!!! OMG it’s just absolute perfection, it is pretty much the only thing I have been listening to since it came out. It is probably my favorite Taylor album, the vibes, the music, the lyrics it just sooo good!!! I loved Taylor before and I never thought I could love her even more but it turns out I can! Ahhh I love this album so so much!!! I can’t even say which song I love most because they are all so good in their own way and I love them each for so many different reasons but I’m going to name a few of, the ones that really really got to me. The order in which I will name them is random because I can’t rank them, it would hurt too much! Ok so, definitely "Maroon" and "Lavender Haze", and of course "Vigilante Shit" omg I love "Vigilante Shit"! "Sweet Nothing" of course and "You’re on your Own, Kid" and from the 3am version "The Great War", "Paris", "Bigger than the Whole Sky", "Wouldhav’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve" and lately I have been really really loving "Glitch". Oh and of course "Bejewled' and "Anti-Hero", it's obvious that those are on my list too. Yeah so I pretty much named half the album, I’m sorry but it’s so so good!!! I love how it is a mix of everything, I feel like there is a song in there out of each era and I love that!!! Excellent Taylor has outdone herself again and I’m all here for it!

And because everyone has been talking about it, we of course have to talk about the Spotify wrap-up, and I’m going to share mine even though it won’t be a surprise to anyone, I’m basic through and through but I’m proud of it so there you go:

You know what else won’t come as a surprise to anyone? Exactly… the fact that I miss summer! I miss the sun and the warm weather and watching "The summer I turned pretty", by the way, I bet that "Snow on the Beach" will be in season two it has to be and if it truly does, please remember that I said it here first!

I think we are going to move to the books because there are only three, sad I know! First, we have "Hamlet", please don’t come for me but I didn't really enjoy it, I mean yeah it was good but "Macbeth" is sooo much better it has so much more action. I don’t know there was something about "Hamlet" that I didn’t quite like but I can’t say what it is for sure.

Next, we have the "Underground Railroad", I had a huge problem with the writing style in this book it freaked me out, there were so many characters that came out of nowhere all of the sudden with no explanation and all those time jumps and no… but for some reason even though I wouldn’t say it was a book that swapped me of my feet, I keep thinking about it from time to time. I don’t know why but apparently, I can’t let it go just yet. It’s interesting because I didn’t enjoy reading it but somehow it made an impact on me nevertheless.

Now let’s end the book section with something very hyped, something I’m sure you all have heard of and probably also read. I’m delighted to announce to you that I finally read "It ends with us", now I finally know what you all were talking about! My oh my this book was literally a rollercoaster, I have to admit that I got spoilered so I knew that Ryle was going to be a brick but before he misstepped the first time I was so rooting for him, I really really liked him and I thought that for sure he will be good in the end but ohhhhhh the first time he hit her in the kitchen…that was it for me... from that moment on I was disgusted…from that moment on he was dead to me! My God, I felt so sorry for Lily!!!! And Atlas ahhhh I love him obviously, he is her soulmate! I don’t know what to say about the sequel though, I know I always say, that I won’t read the sequels because I’m afraid it will ruin things and then I read them anyway but…I mean the story kind of had a good ending and I don’t want all to get messed up again so…I don’t know what to do! I'm curious of course but …we will see I will defiantly keep you updated! Oh and also did this book fire up my already high trust issues? Yes, it most certainly did!

Ok, now we can get to the most fun part, the movies! I will start with my favourite out of all the ones I will discuss with you today and that is "The School for Good and Evil”, I went in there knowing nothing and I had the absolute best time watching it! I really really loved the story it’s exactly the kind of story I love, with fantasy elements and all ahhh I loved it! You already know I love Sofia Wylie but oh my I also loved her costar, the girl who played Sophie, ahhhh speaking of Sophie she was my favourite character, and the "you should see me in a crown" scene is perfection, I watched it so many times it’s soooo good!!! I won't read the books but I would love them to make sequels to the movie, I would love to see how the story goes on!

I also finally watched (I know shame on me for watching it so late in my life) "Pride and Prejudice", I liked it of course but can you please tell me where Mr. Darcy wasn't the pure evil he is always portrayed to be? I get that in the book he is way worse (again shame on me for watching the movie before reading the book) and I’m not saying that he was a saint in the movie but I imagined him to be way worse!

And because we are already speaking of it, I also watched "Persuasion" the new one with Dakota Johnson, I love Dakota she is amazing! And I liked "Persuasion" more than "Pride and Prejudice" but this might probably be because of the modern turn they took on it, so I don’t know… you are all probably screaming at be because I also haven't read "Persuasion" and you think that the movie is a joke but that's just my opinion, I will get back to you about this when I read both books and I'm more qualified to judge!

Ok moving on to "Enola Holmes 2", the only three things I have to say about this movie are 1. I liked the first movie better, 2. there was too little Twekesbury in it, 3. I can’t say it enough how much I love that time period and maybe a bonus nr.4 and 5 I loved that it was inspired by true events and I missed Sam Claflin.

All right "Do revenge” I love Camila Mendes, I love Maya from Stranger Things and I love Sophie Turner. It was a funny movie and I always love a funny movie, I also loved the soundtrack especially that they put Tate and Rosalia in it!

I wouldn't be me if I wouldn’t have watched the 10 years Violetta reunion, Violetta was such a huge part of my childhood and it’s so crazy that it has been 10 years since it came out! I cried the whole time while I was watching it. It was so emotional and I still know every word of every song! The only negative thing I have to say about it is that it was way too short!

Oh and I watched "Witches" on Halloween and it was ok, my favourite Halloween movie still is and will always be "Hocus Pocus"!

As I mentioned in the beginning, I’m taking a seminar on Film, every week we watch a movie and then we discuss it. It is so much fun to be able to talk to people who share the same interests as you! And I have to be honest it made me look at movies in a whole other way, I always watch them mindlessly just for the experience and the plot but there is a whole other level. to them I have been neglecting, the technical one. It always you to analyze the movie in so much more detail and it’s so interesting! Oh and I love that the seminar make me watch movies that I wouldn’t normally watch, for example, we watched a Western "High Noon”, yes it was boring but it was a whole experience to watch it and I never watched a Western before! And that song is still stuck in my head! I love that my knowledge of movies is expanding and that I’m learning so many new things! The first movie we watched was "500 days of summer" and it was again the typical case of: I wasn’t blown away by it but I kept thinking about it for so long that it grew on me!  The next movie we watched was "Her", again very wired and not my cup of tea but the discussion we had about it was very interesting! Oh and we watched the first Spiderman, the one with Tobi and I can’t believe I’m saying this but I realized that I had never watched that movie from start to end before so that was nice! After that, we watched "Spiderman into the Spiderverse" and before watching it I thought I was going to have a problem with the animation but in the end, I ended up liking it! Then we watched "Juno", again a movie I have never watched from start to finish which I really liked, I especially liked that we watched it to contrast it to "The Florida Project", a very disturbing but interesting movie! I really love this seminar because I love learning all those new things about something that is so important to me!

And just like that, we have come to the end, thank you so much for reading, and I wish you all a happy Christmas and a happy New Year! I hope to see you in the new year with even more movies, books, and music discussions!

[a-real-answer--a-new-start]

ALL RIGHT, JUST STOP! STOP AND THINK ABOUT THIS!

All right, so this guy has gotten a Nobel Prize in medicine, according to the below article:

In short, it tells of the winner of the Nobel Prize (name Paabo) whose "groundbreaking research [that] proved modern humans once procreated with ancient Neanderthals. [Paabo’s] work is considered revolutionary because it introduced a new branch of paleontology called ‘paleogenomics,’ which looks to ancient DNA to unlock the mystery of how present-day humans came to be."

Okay, maybe it's just me, but if it is, then I can't keep it to myself. I'm speaking of the incongruity (basically ≠, or does not add up) of the above-quoted article segment. Okay, let's—for the sake of argument—assume that belief that was held by the paleontology/archeology community that Neanderthals could NOT INTER-BREED with the modern-day human or homosapiens. It is here, then, that the incongruity lies. If we, as humans could not have interbred with our ancient ancestors, the Neanderthals, then please: would someone please explain at what point the two species were able to interbreed? Because, if we go by the evolutionary logic here, there are a few... well, glaringly obvious problems. Check it out:

From the logic of the 'evolutionary ladder', whether there were Homo habilis Neanderthals, Homo erectus Neanderthals, or Homo sapiens neanderthalensis (a huge range of "Neanderthals" and one upon which nobody can agree with certainty or uncertainty) it should be noted that this Neanderthal classification has and is always exactly where a 'scientist' says it is in order to make their point. However,

I don't mean to be gross or disgusting, but it is a well-known fact that given half a chance (and wine and candlelight have been known to help), a human being, as a species that probably no, definitely is going to try to "procreate" with just about any other animal or vegetable (let's leave that one alone, please) it sees opportunities to do so at the time.

I don't want a Nobel Prize, but I am going to call this not-quite-new behavior of some humans by a few new types of subspecies: Homo Opportunicus Disgustica. And the nowhere near as rare as much as most of the world would like (author included), the sub-sub-scum-of-the-Earth subspecies, Homo Paedophilus (or Homo Pedophilus) which are an invasive species and are to be eradicated by any means necessary.

Regardless of the exact placement of the Neanderthals on the evolutionary ladder or spectrum, it must stand to reason that of course Humans could procreate and produce offspring! How else could the previous 'link' as well as the next 'link' after it (Apparently that would be US) come into being?!

~~Think about it!~~

It is like saying that, "We are now certain that the number 7 has always come after 6. Furthermore, scientists believe that this may also provide evidence that the number 7 has always come before the number 8."

It almost makes you want to just say, "Quit acting stupid!" A bit off-subject, but never say quit being stupid. You can then follow up with, "You are not stupid. It doesn't fit with who you are." Can I please have my Nobel Prize, now?

MichaelTheGamer

[anti-social-butterfly111]

Confliction Between the Brain and the HeartPt 3

Aliyah's POV

I've been in my room since the party started not really being in the mood for people but I knew eventually I would have to get up not wanting to be rude we are hosting the party after all

KNOCK KNOCK

"Come in"

I looked at the door as I seen Zack appear

"Hey the party started a hour ago you would usually be the first one out so I came to check up on you"

"Oh yea im fine ill be out in a minute just haven't been in the mood"

"Yea I know you've been pretty grumpy and I know you're having problems with Becca so I'm here to listen"

I stared at Zack not really knowing what to say how to say it

I was about to start until Zack started seeing that I couldn't put my feelings into words

"So from what I've gathered from my detective skills you are dating a girl in the closet aka Becca and it has caused problems"

"Yea"

"I need more than a yea if I'm going to be any kind of help"

"Well we've been seeing eachother for a couple of months now and she is a amazing girl and I really like her a lot but she isn't out on campus yet and I don't want to rush her out because I know how terrifying it can be but the secrecy in everything we do is becoming too much for me having to lie to my friends about where I'm going and who with trying to find time in our schedules where we can hang out without her friends interfering also car hookups are not the most comfortable which is why we ended up here a couple of times" i said bashfully because I just spilled out my feelings and also knowing that he had heard me and Becca damn these thin walls

I look at Zack who is smiling at me

"Look i can tell you like her a lot and this is a tough situation where Noone is necessarily right or wrong but you should try to talk to her at some point tonight you guys have some things to work out"

"You're right I'll call her"

"No need she's here you should probably put on something a little less Tik Tok fuck girl" he says looking at me in my sports bra gym shorts and chain

"Hey" isaid and threw a pillow as he laughed and closed the door behind him

I rolled my eyes as I started getting ready

Becca's POV

I sat at the party chatting with my friends finding myself looking up everytime I heard a door open and close still no sign of Aliyah I have spent my whole life feeling like im living for other people dating guys because I felt like that's what I had to do because that's what my dad says I have to do but guys don't make me happy Aliyah does and she has shown me more love in a couple of months than he has my whole life she showed how it feels to be in a happy relationship she showed me why everyone was always so infatuated with the idea of being in love and he showed me that you have to do this or no man would want you do that or no man will want you ive spent my whole life chasing after his approval and its gotten me nowhere after I told him that I liked girls he completely disregarded my feelings made me feel disgusting and even though my mom and sister were super supportive his reaction made me scared to tell anyone else when my mom found out about what he said they got into a huge argument plus them having marriage problems already due to my dad's serial cheating and disrespect my mom filed for divorce with them both being successful business entrepreneurs on their own before marriage everything was split fifty fifty i was so proud of my mom when she got out of that marriage I seen the biggest smile I've seen from her in a while when it was finalized but I still looked for his approval

"Becca Becca"

Huh" I said as I snapped back into reality

"Hey I'm about to go get drinks come with me" Madison said with a concerned look in her eyes

I got up and followed Madison but was confused when we passed the kitchen she pulled me into a bathroom as it was the only place that was not occupied

We sat in silence as she stared at me waiting on me to say something but I remained quiet

She rolled her eyes as she seen that I was not going to say anything

"Look Becca I've seen you change in these last couple of months in the best way possible you've smiled a lot more and you seen genuinely happy and that has made me so excited for you" she said looking at me as I avoided eye contact

"Um yea I've been finding myself lately"

"Bex I'm your best friend you know you can tell me anything right"

"Umm yea are you ready to go get the drinks yet"

"Becca seriously anything and if you want to talk about what or who has been making you so happy lately no matter if their a boy or girl"

I looked at Madison as she looked at me with soft eyes

"Maddie i I've been seeing someone and they make me very happy happier than I've ever been and their amazing and loving and the most compassionate person I've ever met but"

"Becca i already know but I want you to tell me so you can finally accept it truly and be happy with yourself"

"I'm I i"

Madison put a supportive hand on my shoulder giving me a gentle look

"Maddie I'm gay" I said as I started to cry and she pulled me into a hug rubbing my back supportively I've never truly loved and excepted that part of me and hearing me fully say it out loud felt like a breath of fresh air even when I told my family I never fully said it because I was scared I didn't accept that part of myself and now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulder I finally feel like I can breathe

I cried for 10 minutes letting out years of hurt fear and internalized homophobia towards myself and Madison let me not letting go once

A couple of seconds later I took a deep breath and let go as Madison did the same

"How did you know"

"Becca we have been best friends for years I always wondered why you never cared about a knight in shining armour until I realized that maybe you were waiting for a queen instead ive just been waiting on you to tell me"

"I thank you really"

"No need were best friends i will always be here for anything you need"

"So now that we got that out of the way who is it"

A bright smile that i couldn't help came to my face as I thought of her "it's Aliyah, you know her"

"Oh I don't know plays guitar the drums can sing her ass in a band the girl who half of heartfeld has a crush on I don't know maybe "

"Ok ok I get it"

"Good for you she's pretty hot and I've heard she's pretty good in..."

"Hey"

"I personally don't swing that way its just something I heard don't look at me"

"Well she is" I said rolling my eyes as we both laughed

"But I sense that things have not been going well these last couple of days"

"We got into a fight about us having to do everything in secret and some jealousy things"

"Well even if you're not ready to come out to everyone else you should go find her"

"Maddie I think im ready I'll start tomorrow with the rest of the sorority I just want to finally be free will you be there with me"

"Of course you don't even have to ask"

"Thank you" I said as we shared another hug

"Now go and find her you guys have some making up to do"

I opened the door with a smile feeling the relief of years of pent up feelings being let go