#also would you believe the main motivation behind me drawing this is because i want to draw a character. ANY character - | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

monyapolize · 2 years

Text

haruka’s crime revolves around sibling rivalry: an effortpost this post is long, just be warned

It’s no surprise to anyone who knows Haruka’s character that his main motivation is to have people pay attention to him. He is terrified of being abandoned, especially by his mother.

He wears her necklace in his prisoner ensemble, and he tucks it under his shirt to hide it in Season 2 when he replaces his desire for his mother’s attention with Muu.

He is happy to be slapped by Es in the 弱者の螺動 voice drama. This is a callback to the 全知全悩 music video where his mother slaps him out of fear. He smiles here too because to him, any attention from her is better than none. (See also: “You praised me by saying ‘You’re crazy.’ / Thank you, I’ll do my best.”) This is also supported by a double meaning found in the Japanese version of the line that was translated as “I’d like to be your favorite next.” It can also be read as “I’d like to be your next hit.” (yes, as in getting hit).

This motivation becomes a problem if Haruka feels he doesn’t have her attention. So why does he believe this? I strongly suspect it’s because he is developmentally disabled. More specifically, I believe he has both autism and an intellectual disability. Granted, we don’t have all the information yet since we are only two music videos in, but here are some things that lead me to believe this.

He engages in self-injurious behavior when under high stress by digging his nails into his palm (to the point of drawing blood).

He has difficulty reaching writing and speech milestones typical for his age.

He has obvious trouble regulating his facial expressions, and his responses are often noted to be abnormal. He smiles after getting slapped by Es in the 弱者の螺動 voice drama, is called out for it, but accidentally does the same thing again moments later.

Lack of eye contact is an ongoing theme with him.

He stims. In the 全知全悩 music video he tends to bite his nails and rock back and forth.

(Alternatively, here is an interesting idea that Haruka may have nearly drowned, resulting in brain injury. I don’t personally know enough about acquired brain injuries, but if this were the case, I’d assume it would have happened sometime during Haruka’s fireworks memory.)

I believe his disability started to become more apparent with time, to the disappointment of his parents. When he started falling behind his peers, they began to severely mistreat him. I believe this mostly took the form of neglect (since this is what Haruka is most afraid of), but there is no shortage of evidence of aggressive behavior as well.

Another way the word used in the line “Please don’t say that I am a loser.” can be translated is ‘failure, defective item.’ (ouch)

Haruka’s hidden voice line in the second season trailer is "I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!!! Making you waste your life on someone like me...!!" You can guess what kind of treatment would warrant that response.

In the 弱者の螺動 voice drama, Haruka reveals that he thinks adults are scary.

The way he socializes indicates he wasn’t listened to much. He apologizes profusely for things that wouldn’t require it, such as speaking to Es. The Portal Timeline conversations reveal he’s never sung before.

Because of this, Haruka wants to return to a time when he had a ‘normal’ life and was loved. For him, this was when he was a child. When people hadn’t given up on him.

全知全悩 features heavy taxidermy. At it’s core, the point of taxidermy is to preserve an animal in a state that you like them best in forever. In the same video, Haruka wears an outfit that is a half-and-half patchwork of his younger self’s clothes. He metaphorically becomes a piece of taxidermy, trying to stay viewed as his younger self because this is when he thinks they liked him best.

“I will definitely make you love me again.” Note, ‘again.’ He wasn’t always unhappy with how he was treated. Also, the line “Tell me, why are you drifting away from me? / Tell me, why do you say it’s my fault?” ‘Drifting away.’ Implying there was a time where his relationship with his family was good, and that something changed.

Here’s where things get wild. With all this idealization of youth, what’s the worst thing that could happen to you? You’re no longer the youngest. Haruka had a younger sister. One that his parents began devoting all of their attention to because they viewed her as a better investment than him.

“If with one click, and I can reset everything / Can I be your favorite this time?”

“You never called me by my name / You were always comparing me to someone else / You were always generous, except towards me.”

“If only I could do what anyone else could do / The right future unfairly chose the wrong me.” To interpret this, think of what Haruka values. He wants attention, and in his season 1 interrogation questions he lists his future dream as wanting to live normally. Someone close to him must have had both of these things, attention (that he thought he deserved) and the ability to live ‘normally’ (not disabled).

You may be curious why the logical leap to the fact that he had a sister. But to explain I have to first set up another premise: Haruka is being likened to Cain, the Biblical figure. Yes, really.

The murder of the younger Abel by his older brother Cain is described as the first murder committed by man. Haruka is the first prisoner, Prisoner 001.

There also exists a psychological term called the ‘Cain complex.’ Here is a brief descriptor.

“According to Jung, when a child receives parental love in a discriminatory way in a sibling relationship, the original experience of suffering from it is projected onto relationships other than siblings. It is said that those who suffer from this complex may harbor hatred toward the people around them who are of the same generation as the siblings with whom they had conflicts over parental love. Jung called this the ‘Cain complex’ based on the “Old Testament,” “Genesis," and the "Book of Jubilees". Generally, it is said to refer to conflicts between siblings, rivalry and jealousy between brothers and sisters.” x

Haruka says in the 弱者の螺動 voice drama that Amane (a twelve year old girl) brings back bad memories. In fact, he generalizes his dislike to all children at that age.

Some particular characteristics of sibling rivalry are also extremely prominent in Haruka’s character.

“The older child’s personality and psychological development are significant factors in how they react to a new baby. Children with the closest relationships to their mothers show the most anger after the baby is born, while those with a close relationship to their father seem to adjust better.” x

We know where Haruka stands on this issue. In his season 1 interrogation questions he says that his father is disappointed in him, and that the person that he wants to see most is his mother. Additionally, we have not seen Haruka’s father in his music videos to date, but we have seen his mother in both.

“Sibling rivalry usually starts right after, or before, the arrival of the second child. The older child can become aggressive, “act out,” or regress (act more like a baby). This process, known as "dethronement" occurs when the older child feels they must now share their love with someone else. It is not initially hatred but a sense of unsettlement and grieving over the loss of position as the parent's sole object of love and attention.” x

We have already covered Haruka’s regression and desire to be seen as his younger self. But what about acting out?

Not only is this more clear Cain imagery (Cain’s weapon is commonly portrayed as a rock), but Haruka killing the family dog is an example of him acting out due to jealousy.

The scene where this takes place is surrounded by yellow roses. In hanakotoba, a form of flower symbolism, yellow roses are representative of jealousy. x

全知全悩 also gives us plenty of examples. In the beginning of the video, when looking at his mother’s necklace (likely remembering his mistreatment), he becomes very upset and knocks things over, cries, screams, and curls up into a ball on the floor. We also get this shot:

Which effectively serves as a representation of all the things Haruka has done to receive attention (however negative the attention may be). This is paired with the lyrics “Mommy, look, I’ve done great / ‘There there, my good boy!’”

But the momentary attention one gets from acting out can never truly be a substitute for unconditional parental love. It relies on you having to keep doing such things forever (See: “How many more times do I have to do this so I can be human?”), perhaps even escalating if the person you seek attention from has become acclimated to what you’re doing. And this is exactly what Haruka decides that he must do.

The above image evokes the feeling of a solitary confinement room, with it being largely empty, undecorated, and having a single barred window. Haruka’s mother has no idea how to handle her son, and decides to keep him locked up away in his home instead of seeking help. So Haruka now has a final play to make, one to both get rid of the rival for his affection and also ensure that his mother will lash out at him again. Which brings us back to Haruka’s sister.

This is not the crime scene. This is a memory of a happier time.

This is the crime scene. Here, older Haruka is in a forest, and he reaches out to his sister, before

strangling her.

I’m sure that the scene with older Haruka in the woods is showing us the crime because of Haruka’s mugshot in Undercover.

The card he’s holding depicts the location of his murder.

As you can imagine, there is no situation where this could turn out well for him. But from his viewpoint, it’s his last resort, as he says in this voice line:

“Then what should I have done instead?! Tell me! Tell me so even I can understand!”

#milgram #milgram theory #haruka sakurai

160 notes · View notes

foxounderscorecube · 1 year

Text

If We Were Villains - M. L. Rio

2 ⭐

CW: brief mention of ed, sa, and drug use within the book

Agh! What wasted potential!

Right, so, first, I will say that I do think Rio is a talented writer: she has a huge vocabulary and knows how to use it. Her love of Shakespeare shines through - something I don't have in common with her, but which I can't help but appreciate. Inexplicably, she has a real knack for writing convincing, yet incredibly elegant, sexual tension, which I know is terribly specific, but what can I say? I rarely come across sexual tension in books that I find draws me in like that. The framed narrative is done really well, and the Acts and Scenes as chapter divisions is a cute touch. These reasons are why I give the book the stars I have given it.

Unfortunately, a talent for sentence construction does not always come with a talent for storytelling. The characters are flat and while I think what she's going for is a cool concept, it just didn't do it for me. I love a good descent into madness and blurring of the lines between reality and imagination, but I feel it necessitates a greater depth of character to work than what we're given.

This is my main issue with the book: we have seven main characters, and maaaybe seven personality traits between them.

We have Richard, who is aggressive. Meredith is sexy. Alexander is gay (vaguely implied to be bi at one point) and smokes weed. Nobody gives a shit about Filippa. James… exists. Wren also exists, but barely. And Oliver is into James, and also sort of Meredith, but only really because she is, as we have established, very sexy. All of them quote Shakespeare at any time, any place, even those that are grossly inappropriate moments to quote one's favourite media. Thing is, these characters just aren't very likeable. I know what it's like to have interests that are niche and which I absolutely breathe, and I've always hovered on the lower end of any social hierarchy, yet even I felt an overwhelming urge to bully these people. It took half the book for me to remember who was who aside from Meredith and Richard because they have the strongest personalities (and because I have a Caterpie on Pokemon Go called Meredith and my grandad's called Richard).

That the characters are so flat ruined the plot because nobody really has any motivation behind their actions. Oliver's into Meredith because she's sexy. Richard starts committing random acts of violence and it's implied it's because he's mad about a casting decision and everyone aside from Meredith is surprisingly unbothered, at least when he tries to drown James. They're just like, "That was scary. Anyway-", and hope he starts being normal soon. Oliver takes the blame for James murdering Richard because he's just so in love. Which, despite their sexual tension being fantastic, doesn't really seem believeable because they never demonstrate being in love. They demonstrate having confused, lustful feelings, sure - maybe close friendship if you squint? - but not passionate adoration. All fiction is the author playing with dolls, but this feels like the author is playing with dolls, bashing them around and mushing them together because that's what she wants them to do.

A nitpicky thing that shouldn't bother me, but absolutely did, was that this is an arts school that's incredibly prestigious and well-known for the high quality of its alumni and the shows put on by the students are really popular. That's all good, whatever. But this group of fourth-years - these people who have survived the culling of students that happens every academic year - because they can't stop harming each other or kissing each other or whatever when they're meant to be performing a play. And yeah, I know it's meant to be because they're so into their roles or whatever, but the lack of professionalism should have been trained out of them at that point, surely? I mean, you'd think the reputation of the university would at least be marred for some time after the second scandalous loss of control on the actors' part during a performance in half an academic year, but it's never mentioned. I'm not enough of a romantic for this, am I?

Even more insignificant nitpick: this school has no costume degree. There's a costumers' department, but who are they? Do they outsource them? Their set design is in-house, made by students studying set design, but the costumers are like the wallpaper - a given. Unless they're meant to be the art students? Ugh, art (assuming it's fine art, because it's never specified) and costume design are different enough disciplines, let alone costume making. That's a whole additional skillset.

Okay, back to a piece of criticism I have that's actually relevant. So, Meredith's sexy, right? And she and Oliver start sleeping togetherafter Richard's death. They're kind of dating, but it's not official official. All well and good. But then, when Oliver's had a hard time, James broke his nose because he got too passionate and angry during combat practice, he goes to Alexander for drugs (the way drugs play into this is another thing) to feel better, and Alexander rolls him a spliff spiked with regular painkillers (is that a thing?) and what is implied to be cocaine. Of course, Oliver smokes it and gets high - high to the point that he has no recollection of what happens shortly after he started smoking, and he sleeps for, like, 24 hours or something. He vaguely remembers Meredith taking him by the hand and leading him to her bed, and the next day, Filippa finds him in Meredith's bed and asks if he's naked. He says he thinks so, but he doesn't remember, haha! So basically, this man was so out of it he remembers nothing and Meredith proooobably raped him, and nobody cares. Even Oliver doesn't seem to see an issue with it. It was really out of leftfield and gross. Is it meant to be okay because they're dating, or because she's hot? Because it really isn't.

Honestly, the way women are written in general is a bit iffy. It's not like the men are especially fleshed out, but Oliver seems to see women as slightly strange, foreign creatures. It's one of those things where maybe that's how Rio thinks men see women, and she's trying to convey this as one of Oliver's flaws, but if so, it has so little bearing on the story in any way that it seems more like the author's bias than the character's. Women with eating disorders, confirmed or implied, are described oddly viciously.

I think the last thing that I'll mention is the inexplicable "gateway drug" story arc. Alexander smokes weed all the time and gives the other characters spliffs from time to time. I'm not exactly experienced when it comes to consuming intoxicating substances, particularly illegal ones, but even to me, the way it's spoken about is rather… quaint. Very "Teehee, Alexander's always a little stoned, but from time to time, even we partake in a little puff!". But then, out of nowhere, Alexander's on the cocaine! I mean, honestly, bunch of kids in a posh twat art school, I'm surprised they aren't all on the stuff. There's a little falling-out between Oliver and Alexander which just doesn't really go anywhere until Alexander gives him the spiked spliff, and then, later on again, overdoses on something. Was it deliberate? Was it an accident? We don't find out and nobody seems interested to know. It's just sort of put in there and then Alexander's like "No more illegal substances for me!" and that's the end of that. I suppose Alexander's drug storyline facilitates Oliver's equally narratively-unimportant rape, and, like Wren's mental breakdown (which also doesn't really go anywhere), shows that Alexander's not doing too well.

This certainly has been one of the most frustrating books I've read in a long time, which is a shame. The concept is great and it's so clearly a labour of love, but I found it predictable and dull and just couldn't bring myself to like it.

#read 2022 #reviewed 2022 #fiction #novel #books #reading #book review #ranting!!!

0 notes

the-hidden-pages · 3 years

Text

Let Me Worship You: Part 1 - Zemo x Fem!Reader

The fact that this man is the one who dragged me out of my refusing-to-write-fanfiction grave and let me post old work while working on new stuff is...Impressive. Damn you Daniel Bruhl.

Synopsis: With all the horrible things you had heard of Baron Helmut Zemo, you hadn't anticipated just how badly he wished to win you over. To a further extent, you certainly hadn't anticipated how tempting it would be to give in.

No bad NSFW this chapter - this is the lead up to the main course.

You were not an Avenger.

Unsurprising, really, given what you perceived to be your lack of talent and marketable super-heroine prowess, and so when Bucky called you up asking for a favour, you were pleasantly surprised.

You had only met Bucky on the rare occasion he let you help him, often expressing that he viewed you as a worrywart, a particularly bad day of his leading to him accusing you of trying to be his mother. He later apologized, hearing your explanation that you wanted to help in any way you could, and since you didn't have a superhero serum or fancy suit or arm, you relied on what you could - your mind and your giving nature.

He must have remembered this conversation, because he brought you with him and Sam to what appeared to be an underground parking garage.

"What're you talking about, you wanna break Zemo out of jail? Where the hell are we Buck? Have you lost your mind?!" Sam was raving as you followed behind the two men, silent as you stew over what Bucky had told you.

Babysitting duty.

You were effectively on glorified babysitting duty of an incredibly dangerous criminal.

"James..." you hesitated when he discussed this with you, how could you not? "I don't know how useful I'll be here."

"Very," he countered, his voice dull while his eyes were pleading. "Sam’s an Avenger, I have the serum. But you, you're just a person. Zemo will be less likely to hurt and immediately betray you because of that fact alone."

"He's killed people who've been in his way before. Normal people."

"He won't kill you. I'll make sure of that."

A heavy sigh escapes you as Sam and Bucky continue to bicker about the logistics of breaking Zemo out.

"I don't like how casual you're being about this, it's unnatural - and - where are we man?"

"I wouldn't mind an answer to that too," you supply, but any answer is interrupted by the sound of a door unlocking.

The three of you turn to approaching footsteps, and find no one other than Helmut Zemo striding towards you, dressed in a prison guard's uniform.

Sam responds immediately, arguing to throw him back in jail, while Bucky tries to calm him down. But you can't help but stare at the man before you as he removes the cap on his head, arms raised in an attempt to calm the men down.

"If I may" his voice rasped, but he was stopped short by Sam and Bucky in unison.

"NO!"

Zemo nodded, looking away almost sheepishly. "Apologies," came the quiet response.

If it were any other situation, you would have laughed - those two had the dynamics of a married couple and they couldn't stand each other. And for them to completely shut down the killer in front of them was...incredibly funny.

But you had a job to do.

As the boys continued to bicker, you took slow steps forward towards the man now looking you up and down, trying to place your part in all of this.

"Don't mind them," you spoke quietly, not wanting to distract Sam and Bucky, but still intending to speak with the criminal. "They're having some troubles in paradise. You must be Zemo."

His eyes take you in, a small smirk beginning to form. "So I must. May I have the pleasure of your name, Liebling?"

You offer your name hesitantly, and he repeats it back to you, as though he were sampling what it might taste like.

"Beautiful name, thank you." He turns to face the two men still arguing, not noticing your introductions. "I really think I'm invaluable..."

"Shut up..." Sam warned, before turning back to Bucky, looking between him and you.

You nod reassuringly to him - this is necessary, if the super soldiers are to be dealt with.

A sharp sigh leaves Sam. "Okay. If we do this, you don't make a move without our permission. And she is watching you every step of the way."

Bucky interjects. "And if anything happens to her, you're going to wish we left you in that cell."

Zemo nods, looking to you once again. "Fair."

You tilt your head slightly, unable to read his eyes as they examine you. You brush it off, chalking it up to him appreciating not being thrown back into a cell immediately. "Okay Zemo. Where do we start?"

*************************************

Zemo wasn't sure of what to make of you, he realized as you were on the jet to Riga.

You weren't an Avenger, you weren't a soldier, super or otherwise. You seemed to just be a person, one constantly offering her help where she could, even when it was to her own detriment.

He also took note of how rarely your help was appreciated or reciprocated.

You would offer help any moment you could, carrying supplies, offering to fetch food, simply offering and ear to listen. You were quick to attempt to smooth over Sam and Bucky's disputes, and you would play along with the role Zemo would assign you without much question - anything to help, you would say.

You were kind, he noticed as well. Smart, and shrewd, and clearly with trust issues, but you were kind and polite. You spoke with him as much as you might Sam or Bucky, you offered him your trust under the promise he would aide you find the super soldier serum. With your kindness, he thought it might be easy to manipulate you, to slip away from the group, maybe even to ask you to join him.

But there was an issue with his theory, he quickly noticed - any attempt to woo you, attract you, win you...didn't seem to work.

He hadn't been at the task long, mind you, but he had hoped you would be impressed with the jacket, the Baron title, the jet, the offer of wine. Instead, you simply seemed uncomfortable. Come Madripoor, you were happy to play the part of eye candy to escape much attention, yet when he offered you to keep the stunning dress, shoes, and jewelry ensemble you simply waved it off, claiming that you'd reimburse him if he insisted on you keeping it. You were happy to dance near him, unable to hide your laughter at his moves, yet he offered you a drink and you promptly declined, claiming it unnecessary.

Zemo's brow furrows as he observes you, awake and quietly reading as Sam and Bucky both sleep on the flight.

"What's your motive, Liebling?" he questions, and you glance up from your page.

"Don't tell me the criminal doesn't trust me," you respond wryly, turning your gaze back.

"No, I don't mean like that," he shifts, leaning forward to continue to observe the woman that was his guard. "I wonder what keeps you going. Some are motivated by riches, and dreams. Others from spite and anger. What do you want from life, my dear? What causes you to wake up in the morning?"

You pause, looking up to search his eyes to see where this question was coming from. You weren't sure what game he was playing, and you weren't sure how to answer him either. You eventually look back down to your book, a small smile playing on your lips.

"Nothing wakes me up in the morning, given I rarely get to sleep most nights."

His brows furrowed as she goes back to her pages, eager for the conversation to end. Her difficulty doesn't seem to be that he's a criminal - she's spoken plenty freely to him, she agrees to his plans...

The difficulty, he begins to realize with a smile. Maybe he's beginning to see what the difficulty is after all.

*************************************

You weren't sure what to make of Zemo, you think as you lie awake at night in the Riga safe house.

This criminal coming out of nowhere, apparently being rich as hell, so far doing nothing to cause you to believe he would betray you (yes, Sam and Bucky were shocked by his killing of Nagel, but really? You weren't shocked) ...but what shocked you the most was how badly he seemed to want to win you over.

You could justify it, sure. You're supposed to be his guard, he's likely trying to get you to let your guard down so he can escape. Yet when he's so charismatic, the way he holds himself, that voice...

Your eyes snap open sharply.

You were attracted to Zemo.

The man you're meant to be watching.

No, you told yourself. You're just lonely, and he's the first man offering you attention in a long time. It doesn't matter that his eyes examining you makes you blush, that you want to run your fingers through his hair, that a quiet voice your head wished that he would kiss you when he pulled you aside with one arm, other hand aiming at a pipe in Madripoor to blow up some poor saps...

It's the heat of the situation, you told yourself. Your options are Sam, Bucky, and Zemo...

Trust you to pick the worst option.

But how could you not, your mind whispers. When he danced like a goofball in a club your heart warmed. When he sat, filled with confidence and righteousness in the jet, legs splayed enough that you could perch on your knees in front of him, worship him, pleasure him. When he left the bathroom this morning in that damned robe, the deep V drawing your eyes down his chest before you could help himself.

You groaned. Of all the thoughts to keep you awake, why did it have to be your assignment on your mind?

It was too hot, your mind was swimming, you knew sleep wouldn't come soon.

And so, you stood, wrapping your arms around your book and padding downstairs in a loose t-shirt and shorts. Zemo had said that you were welcome to whatever resided within the safe house, and you were ready to take up his offer and steal a cup of tea.

You weren't expecting to find anyone else still awake. And yet, you weren't fully surprised to find Zemo sitting in the kitchen, bottle of whiskey at his side, a glass in his hand. He looks up at the sound of your footsteps, a soft smile on his face.

"Good evening, Liebling."

"Zemo. Can't sleep?"

"Unfortunately, not." He leans backwards slightly, examining you. "Another sleepless night for you as well."

"So it would seem."

You take a seat across the counter from him, not wanting to sit too closely to the man you were just fantasizing about. You were good at keeping a straight face, but you wondered if you got too close if he'd somehow be able to smell it on you.

He pushed his bottle forward, cocking an eyebrow at you.

"Drink?"

Your finger caresses the binding of your book as you hesitate to find the words.

"Actually, I had come down to make myself a cup of tea, if you don't mind."

Zemo's eyes lit up slightly, and he stood, motioning for you to stay where you were. "Allow me."

"You don't have to-" you begin to protest, but he's quick to cut you off.

"Please, Liebling, let me spoil you."

The heat that washes over you is clearly visible, if his chuckle is any indicator.

Silence falls and you quietly open your book as Zemo busies himself over the tea. In mere minutes a steeping mug is delicately placed in front of you. You smile graciously and nod, though you falter slightly as he doesn't return to the other end of the counter - rather, sitting on a stool right beside you, inquisitive eyes not leaving your face.

"Can I help you with something, Baron?" you question, taking the tea and blowing on it to cool it down somewhat. His eyes follow your movements, before travelling to meet yours again.

You could drown in those eyes -

"Day after day you offer your help, sarcastically or not," he begins, leaning forward slightly as he rests his chin on his hand, examining you. "Who offers help to the helper?"

You take a sip of your tea, tilting you head. "I don't know what you mean."

"Your refusal of my gifts, your reluctance to let me even make you a cup of tea - at first I wondered if it was in distrust of me, Liebling -"

"Well, you have killed people."

He quirks an eyebrow, and you motion for him to finish.

"I realize now it's because you're uncomfortable being cared for. You spend so much time looking after everyone else, you give no one the opportunity to worship you as you deserve."

You choked a bit on your tea at that.

"I don't know that I deserve to be worshiped, I just...exist. And do what I can to help others."

Zemo leaned forward further, slowly, so as to not push you away in result. "We haven't been acquainted for long, my dear, but from all I've seen from you with Sam, with James, and with an undeserving man such as myself...the strength in your soul and the empathy in your heart...It alone rises you so far above the men and women placed on pedestals because of their supernatural abilities."

You lean forward to match, but your eyes have steeled over. "Your sweet words won't make me let you go, Zemo. I won't betray Sam and Bucky."

He didn't miss a beat. "I should be so lucky to be held captive by you for eternity, Liebling. I don't ask you to betray your friends on my behalf."

"Then what do you want from me, exactly?"

You should be very afraid. The man who singlehandedly tore apart the Avengers is staring at you as if you were a last meal, his knees touching yours, his hand finding its way to lightly perch on your arm.

You should be afraid.

Yet despite your better judgement, you aren't.

"I want you to tell me every one of your desires, so I might fulfill them. I want to see you stand tall in the finest clothes money can buy, to whisk you away to Paris, Vienna, Rome, every beautiful local this world has to offer, local that pale in comparison to the beauty in front of me. I want you to let me bring you tea, wine, food, chocolates, and anything else that might please you. I want you to relax against me, to feel the tension you've had all mission to wash away in the most luxurious bath of your life, while I wash your beautiful hair, while I taste every inch of you."

His voice had dropped to nearly a whisper, and you couldn't stop yourself from leaning forward more to hang off his every word. "I'm not a stupid man. I know it's only a matter of time before I'm back in a prison cell of some kind. And even if I weren't, you may not believe the sincerity of my words. But tonight, little bird, I want you to let me worship you."

Your eyes fluttered as his hand reached forward to cup your cheek, thumb caressing over your bottom lip. You had the strength to look him dead in the eye with one final warning.

"If this is a trick of any kind, Zemo, I won't hesitate to let Bucky rip you to shreds."

The laughter that leaves him fans over your face, drawing your eyes to his lips.

"I'd expect nothing less, Liebling."

His eyes still search your face. A gentleman, you realize. He's waiting for permission.

You lean forward to close the gap, slowly letting your mouth brush over his, tasting him for the first time, as your hand raises to card through the locks of hair in his face. Your body thrums with anticipation of what's to come, with the anxiety that this may be a dangerous move, with pure, undiluted arousal from his words.

Yet you break away gently, both hands cupping his face now as he looks at you, curious as to why you stopped, pleased that his initial seduction worked.

Your hands slowly travel down to his own, and you stand, backing towards the way you came when you first gave up on sleep for the night.

"Come on then. You want to show me what being spoiled is like?"

A grin curls its way onto his face as he spins you in his arms, twirling you so that your back is against his front, his arms around you, his breath hot in your ear.

"Little bird, I'll give you everything you crave and more."

#zemo x reader #zemo fanfic #helmut zemo x reader #baron zemo #helmut zemo #helmut zemo x reader #x reader #baron zemo x reader

453 notes · View notes

maddiwrites · 3 years

Text

The Hybrid (I)

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Summary: The Pogues rekindle their friendship with their old childhood best friend and JJ’s first crush, Y/N. Old feelings resurface for JJ and Y/N, possibly leading to a summer neither one of them could ever forget. Due to past trauma, Y/N is reluctant to let anyone into her heart, but JJ never backs down from a challenge, even if he knows it will come back to haunt him in the end.

Note: Thank you for being patient with me as I slowly write this series. I had this idea a long time ago and I’m not finding motivation to write it but the inspiration comes and go. I smile with every comment that is left on my fics and I’m so grateful for this community. Thank you for letting me pursue my creative writing without judgement. Love you guys! (Also, yes. If you didn’t see my last note, I based YN’s family off of the Gilmore Girls characters. That’s who I picture as them.)

Word Count: 8k

Masterlist Prologue

You wake up to someone falling on your bed next to you with a dramatic sigh. Knowing exactly who it is, you choose to ignore her and try getting back to the dreamless sleep you were peacefully having before you woke up.

That is, until she sighs again.

You flip onto your back and stare up at your ceiling fan that’s quickly spinning above you. “What, Rory?”

“How did it go with Andre and that boy?”

You look at her with one brow raised. “You woke me up to hear about Andre’s love life? That hardly sounds like you. You don’t care about high school drama or hookups.”

“You’re right,” Rory says. “But I thought I would ease you into what I actually need to tell you.”

You turn on right side and look at your sister confused. “What?”

She sighs. “The cafe’s basement flooded last night. Mom needs us there to help her clean up and take inventory on what’s salvageable.”

You turn back on you backside and close your eyes, exhaling a deep sigh. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Unfortunately not,” Rory says and pats you twice on your covered thigh as she sits up. “Come on. I made you pre-cafe coffee. It’s sitting in the kitchen.”

You throw your sheets off of you and trudge to the bathroom to brush your teeth and clean your face. It’s about 8 a.m. At least you were able to get about six hours of sleep.

Last night, it was hard to let your brain rest to fall asleep. You kept tossing and turning, thinking about the blonde Pogue who walked you home. You missed how easy it was to talk to someone who you felt truly knew you. Your banter rolled off your tongue easily and you never had to worry about offending him because you knew him like the back of your hand. You knew what he could take and what he couldn't.

Talking to him brought back childhood memories you had hidden deep in your mind. How JJ would constantly poke you until you ripped into a smile on days that were grey. How you used to steal John B’s bandanas until he was chasing you around his house to get them back. How you would draw a mustache and a unibrow on Pope’s face when he fell asleep by the water.

Those days felt like they were decades ago. So far away, you didn’t know if you’d be able to reach for them again. If it was even possible to get back.

You thought about texting him. Thanks for walking me back. We should all get together soon! You had written out. But then you deleted the whole message, telling yourself it was because you didn’t know if he even had the same number. But deep down, you were just afraid of the rejection.

Its been about three years since the four of you had been together in one place. You don’t know what they’ve been through or if they’ve changed. They for sure as hell don’t know what you’ve been through. You don’t know if they're dynamic has changed. Clearly you and JJ can still joke with each other but what about John B and Pope? You heard about John B’s father disappearing at sea, most people believing he’s dead, but John B holding onto hope that’s he’s alive. You always thought about calling him to reach out and offer your condolences. But for the same reason you didn’t text JJ, you never called. It didn’t feel like your place. They had Kie for that now. A little part of you felt jealous of her, like she had replaced you and any memory of you. She seemed nice, but she wasn’t you.

“Ready?” Rory pops her head in to your room as you slip on a cropped plain white zip up jacket over your cropped black tank.

“As I’ll ever be,” You say and snag the car keys out of her hands. “Don’t even think about it. I’m driving.”

Rory rolls her eyes. “I want to get there safely.”

“And I want to get there quickly.”

“Fine. But we’re taking my car. It actually has doors.”

For your sixteenth birthday, your grandparents gifted both you and Rory your own individual cars and even let you pick them out. Rory chose a black 2020 Honda Civic for it’s safety features and reputation for longevity as if she was planning on handing it down to her future kids. And you picked out a white 2020 Jeep Wrangler with a hard top that pops off along with the doors for a very open and thrilling ride. Everyone but you called it a death trap, but you found it to be the perfect summer car.

You park Rory’s boring Honda Civic in the back of the cafe in a lot used specifically for employees. The cafe is already booming with teens and families, waiting for their morning coffees and fresh pastries. Kids your age are running around behind the counter with sweat dripping down their brow bone to get everyone’s orders out in a timely manner.

In the back of the store, your mom walks up the steps from the basement with two large trash bags and immediately notices the two of you. “Oh good. You’re here. Rory, help the girls behind the counter. The dishwasher’s broken and poor Hailey is hand washing everything. Y/N, come with me downstairs.”

“Why does Rory get the fun job?” You grumble and follow your mom back downstairs after she tosses the two trash bags.

“Because she’s actually nice to the customers.”

“Treat others how you would like to be treated. Isn’t that what everyone always says?” You smirk. You never agreed with the phrase ‘the customer is always right.’ It’s complete bullshit and being the employee shouldn’t mean letting yourself getting verbally abused by a ‘Karen’ on the other side of the counter.

The basement is used for the cafe’s storage, lined with wooden shelves Steve put together that hold to go cups, back up espresso machines, boxes of coffee and food and ingredients, etc. Now all the boxes are dark and sopping, creating puddles on the concrete floor.

“Oh my god. Mom. How did this happen?”

“Jenky water pipe busted in the middle of the night,” Steve walks down the stairs and passes your mom a knowing look. It didn’t surprise you that he was here. He’s the jack of all trades. Owns his own automotive shop, builds a lot of his own furniture, actually cooks a decent meal, and has the same outlook on customer service as you do. He was probably your mom’s first call. “Talked to the plumber. They can’t get here until at least noon.”

“Noon? We’ll be underwater by noon. I might as well turn all my employees into a swim team,” Your mom says.

Steve shakes his head. “I was able to hold the leak until he gets here. You should be fine.”

Steve was the first person that actually helped your mother out when's she moved to the Cut. Six months pregnant, she pushed her car into his automotive shop after it broke down on the side of the road. Their banter was similar to the one you and JJ have. He helped save your mom money by building yours and Rory’s cribs, changing table, and dressers. And ever since, the two of them had been connected by the hip, although they both refuse to admit it. You think the pair are just trying to deny the love they clearly share for each other. And you think the main reason for that is because of the incident four years ago with your mom’s ex boyfriend. No thanks to you.

“Look at you constantly building your resume,” You smirk at him.

Steve scoffs. “It’s more than what you’re doing.”

You roll your eyes. Steve is the closest thing you have to a father. He practically helped raise you with your mom. He’s the one you turn to whenever a fight with your mom goes too far, which isn't too often but it happens. He usually lets you stay at his house for the night to let you cool off. But he’ll never sugar coat his advice when it comes time for him to give it. Even if you don’t ask for it. He knows growing up with Rory has been challenging. She was clearly your mom’s favorite, or at least that’s what you thought. She has a 4.0 GPA with a realistic dream to get into Brown University and study journalism. She played by every rule, never got into trouble, and spent most of her free nights getting ahead of her school work or staying late at the cafe with an open book from the library across the street. She was an absolute angel to everyone else, making you look like her evil twin.

You glare at him before turning to your mom with crossed arms. “What do you want me to do, Mom?”

“Actually honey. Can you go to Heywards and grab more coffee filters and napkins. The water soaked right through the plastic wrapping on our last box.”

You nod, leaving your mom and Steve to clean up the basement themselves. Before heading out, you sneak behind the counter and make yourself a quick coffee to go.

“Where you going?” Rory asks as she reaches behind you to grab a banana for her customer at the register.

“Heywards to grab a couple things for Mom.”

“Oh. Make sure to grab toilet paper while you’re out. I think we’re almost out of it.”

“Got it.”

Heywards is only a short drive from your mom’s cafe. It’s the closest convenient store that isn’t crazy pricey. It’s where your mom gets all her supplies whenever she runs out of things before shipment gets there.

You use to always come here when you were younger with the boys, each of you, even Pope, stealing a small bag of chips or a candy bar here and there. Little did any of you know, Mr. Heyward caught your thieving hands every time but never said anything.

The bell above the door chimes when you walk into the store. You know this place as well as you know the cafe, finding the toilet paper and coffee filter immediately.

When Mr. Heyward looks up from the counter, his smile grows. He can pick you out of a crowd anywhere, but he hasn’t seen you in a long time. Last time he saw you, you had braces and overgrown bushy brows. Now you had bushed hair and shaved legs.

“Hi. Mr. Heyward,” You grin shyly at him. You don’t know how he’s going to react to see you, unsure of what Pope might have told him about you.

“Little Miss Y/L/N? Is that you?” Heyward smiles widely, pulling your own lips into a wider smile. “I haven’t seen you for a long time.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy with school and my mom’s cafe...” Both of those things were a lie. You just avoid the Cut to avoid the Pogues.

“How’s the fam?”

“They’re good,” You say as Heyward hands you your bags. “Mom says hello by the way. I’m actually taking these to her store now.”

“Well, don’t be a stranger. We miss your smiling face around her. Anette, too.” Heyward says, mentioning his wife.

“Tell her I said hi.”

“Of course, darling.”

Heyward and Anette always had a special place in their heart for you and Rory. They’re not one for gossip, but they knew a little bit about what your mom’s been through and have heard plenty of stories about your grandparents. They always thought, despite your mom’s background, that you and your sister were raised impressively. Anette always hoped that one day Pope and Rory would get together. Everyone always wanted their child to be with Rory.

As your about to leave the store, the bell chimes again with another customer. Only it’s not another customer. It’s Pope and John B. They don’t see you at first, and you wonder if maybe you can sneak out without them seeing you. But something about that felt wrong. Especially because Heyward would more than likely mention to them that you were here.

Pope sees you first and stops in his tracks. “Y/N?”

“Hey, guys. Long time no see,” You smile at both of them. You bite down on your lip awkwardly when you meet John B’s stare. You don’t know if you should mention anything about his dad’s disappearance. But what would you say? Sorry? What good would that do?

“How’ve you been?” Pope gives you a small side hug, then John B.

You shrug. “You know, living the dream.”

“How’s life as a Hybrid?” John B smirks.

You roll your eyes playfully and groan. “Oh god. Never call me that again.”

You may be considered a Hybrid by everyone else, but you would never put yourself into that category. You grew up a Pogue, the same way everyone else did around you. The only thing tying you to the Kooks are your grandparents.

“Why?” John B smirks. “I wish I was a Hybrid.”

You smirk back. “Maybe you will be one day. I hear you have a Kook of your own for arm candy.”

You saw a faint hint of blush on John B’s cheek at the mention of his girlfriend but you don’t mention it. “Sarah, yeah. She’s not like the other Kooks.”

“I would hope not. Her brother’s a dick.”

“Yeah,” They laugh.

“We miss you, you know.” John B says. Pope looks at you, trying to read your expression. John B’s not wrong. They do all miss you, especially Pope. He felt like you were the only one who really understood him. Of course his other friends are great, but you actually took the time to try and understand his passions. Like forensic science.

“I miss you guys too. It’s been a while.”

“Well, hey. We’re actually all getting together tonight at my place. Nothing big. Just a bonfire and a couple beers. You should stop by,” John B says.

“Yeah,” Pope says, immediately getting hopeful that you’ll show up.

Your smile falters. The invite makes your heart swell and your lungs contract. It’s an invite you’ve been wanting for three years. And now that you have it, you don’t know what to say. It’d be different if it was just the four of you like old times. But now there’s Kie and Sarah and although you have nothing against them, you’re afraid they won’t accept you. The thought of your boys picking them over you terrifies you.

“Okay. Yeah, sure. I’ll try to swing by later.”

Pope smiles wide and looks at his friend to see his reaction. John B grins and nods, almost impressed that you had agreed. But he saw the twitch in your lips when the question was asked.

“Great. I guess we’ll see you later then.”

You nod. “Okay. Bye guys.”

You suck in a deep breath when the fresh air outside of Heyward’s store brushes over you. Your heart thumps wildly with both excitement and nerves when you’re finally able to collect your thoughts. You don’t know what you’ll do tonight, but the possibilities can change your entire summer.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You spent the rest of the day mopping up the cafe’s basement and rearranging the shelves. You smelled of sweat and coffee grounds by the time you were done and dreamt of the shower you would be taking when you got home.

Rory drove you home after the two of you closed up the cafe for the day. Neither of you said much. Rory was exhausted from running around behind the counter and you were too busy thinking about whether you’d go back to the place you used to call your second home.

You took a longer shower than usual, still pondering what your night would be like. Your head was telling you to stay home but your heart pulled you in the direction of the Cut. You yearned to hear about what the future held for Pope, and listen to John B retell stories of when you were kids, and be able to stare into JJ’s bright blue eyes without him noticing.

You changed into a pair of jean shorts and a plain red cropped tank. Rory walks into your room as your brushing out your hair and looks at you as if you lost your mind.

“Are you out of your mind? You can’t wear that,” She says.

You brows scrunch together in confusion. “What are you talking about? I wear shit like this all the time.”

“Not to the Country Club, you don’t.” That’s when it hits you. Today’s been so hectic, you forgot what day it was. “It’s Sunday.”

Sunday dinner at the Country Club is now a weekly commitment forced upon you by your grandparents. Each week, your mom, sister, and you are forced to spend one dinner with your grandma and grandpa. This is basically your mom’s payment back for sending you and Rory to Kook Academy. Only they actually pay for the dinner. It’s usually the longest two hours of your entire week. It’s hard to listen to your grandfather rant about Real Estate and your grandma slyly critique your mother in almost every aspect of her life.

“Shit. I completely forgot,” You say.

“Well, you better change. We’re leaving in about five minutes,” Rory says then plucks a gold necklace from your dresser. “Oh and can I wear this tonight?”

You sigh. “Sure.”

You change into a baby blue wrap around dress and pin your wet hair into a half up half down due. It’s gonna have to work for the limited time you have to get ready. After applying a thin layer of makeup to look the least bit presentable, you meet your mom and sister by the front door.

“Finally,” Your mom says when she sees you.

“Sorry. I didn’t realize it was Sunday.”

“It’s okay, honey. I just don’t think I can handle another late remark from Mom today.” She looks you up and down and grins. “You look great.”

Despite the many fiery fights you and your mom can have, she is also your best friend. It’s kind of like a love hate relationship. Steve says it’s because you’re exactly like your mom - almost like a sixteen year old version of her.

You really hope that isn’t true. You’re not ready to have a kid in two years.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Your grandparents are already sitting at a round table in the corner of the country club by the two tall windows that reach up to the ceiling with a view looking out into the golf course. The best seat in the house for the richest a holes on the island.

“Lorelai,” Your grandmother grins, but you can instantly tell it’s sarcastic. “Did you have to walk here?”

You speak up before your mom could. “Sorry Grandma. It’s my fault we’re late.”

Your grandparents are hard on your mom but easier on you and Rory, especially Rory.

“Well, you’re here now,” Your grandpa says. He’s usually the mediator between your mom and grandma. Although he’s usually sucks at it. “Sit. Sit.”

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, JJ shuffles through his many coworkers with his apron in one hand and a piece of fried calamari from Miss Carol’s appetizer in the other.

“JJ -” She scolds and slaps his hand away from going in for a second piece.

“Good evening Miss Carol,” JJ smirks and makes his way to the area between the kitchen and dining room where most of the servers and bust boys hang out. Some of the boys slap him on the back or shove him by the shoulder, chuckling to themselves. “What’s going on boys? Busy crowd?”

“What are you doing here? You never work Sundays,” His friend, Mitch, says.

Luke Maybank was behind on several bills - worse than it’s ever been. They already shut off their electricity and JJ wanted to make sure the water wouldn’t be next.

But JJ shrugs nonchalantly. “Little extra dough can't hurt.”

“Well, you picked a good day,” Raymond walks up to the blonde, rolling his sleeves. “You got Kook Royalty and their Hybrid offsprings in your section.”

“What?” JJ looks through the small square Plexiglas on the swinging door. He knows exactly where to look and immediately sees you sitting with King and Queen Kook, looking absolutely miserable, pushing around your food with your fork.

“Damn, Maybank. Almost broke your neck - you turned so fast.”

“Shut up, Easterling. I was just seeing how crowded we were,” JJ lied. He really just wanted to see if you were here. And now that he sees you are, he’s a little nervous to do his own damn job.

Raymond Easterling chuckles. “Yeah, I know what you were looking at. But don’t get your hopes up. There’s a reason Kooks call that girl the Heart Sucker. Not even the high and powerful JJ Maybank could get a piece of that.”

The guys around JJ and Raymond chuckle and nod in agreement, hearing the stories of how you’d reject every single guy that’s ever asked you out. Sometimes you’d go on a few dates, trying to push yourself out of your comfort zone, but then things would quickly become too much, and you’d get overwhelmed.

JJ didn’t like the way Raymond talked about you or how the others laughed at your expense. His hands clenched into fists, tempted to throw a punch in Ray’s cocky face. The guy’s just being a jerk because he’s one of the guys that got rejected by you, he thought.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” JJ shakes his head and ties his apron around his waist to distract his hands.

“No?” Raymond challenges him. “You think I’m wrong? You think you could pull the infamous Hybrid over there?”

JJ glances back through the window. You’re looking at your grandma with a clearly forced grin. You’re twirling your hair between your fingers, a habit you picked up when you were little to do when you’re bored. JJ would find you doing that in school all the time.

You’re gorgeous, he thought. It’s no wonder that almost every guy on this island has tried to make a pass on you, including JJ himself, but his remarks always come off as playful, afraid of actually telling you how he feels about you. His fantasies about you went further than just getting you between the sheets. He could picture getting married, having children, and growing old together. Years ago, the two of you would talk about your future. Neither one of you cared about money or fancy jobs. All you wanted was to be free - of this island, of each other’s families, of responsibilities placed on you from birth. You hold the same values as JJ, and he’s never met another person like you.

But JJ has a hard exterior. No one other than his best friends know his true heart, and he wasn’t going to let someone like Raymond Easterling find out about his soft spot for you. He would never hear the end of it.

JJ looks at you one last time. You’re talking to Rory, your face in his direction. This time you’re smiling, probably discussing something other than your grandparent’s expectations of you. He’d kill to see that smile every single day.

What’s the worst that could happen? You reject him? Yeah, that might kill JJ inside, but maybe you’d still be his friend, or continue to be acquaintances like you are now. As long as he gets to see you, he’d be okay. There was always the future. But who knows? Maybe you’d say yes? He’ll never know unless he tries. Right?

JJ fakes the same cocky grin that Raymond wears. “I haven’t failed yet.”

The guys around him whistle and shake their heads with smiles.

“All right, Maybank. Let’s make a bet. I’ll give you one hundred dollars to get Y/N Y/L/N in the sack by the fourth of July.”

JJ scoffs. “You like giving away free money?” He ignored his racing heart at the thought of being that intimate with you.

Raymond nods. “Okay. Let’s put your money where your mouth is. Get her to say ‘I love you’ by the end of the season and I’ll raise you an extra hundred and cover all your dishwasher shifts in September.”

JJ raises his brows with surprise. No one offers to take the dishwashing shift. Sometimes the boys are pulled back there when the kitchen is short staffed and it’s easily one of the worst jobs at the Club.

This bet was almost too good of an opportunity to pass up. “Deal.” JJ says.

The boys shake hands on it and the other guys whisper to each other about how intrigued they are to see this play out.

JJ wipes his sweaty palms against his apron and pushes the door open to approach your table, hoping he can hear you over his thudding heart.

“Good evening folks. May I take those empty plates out of your way?”

You look up at the voice you know so well and a smile raises on your lips. JJ meets your eyes and he winks at you, splattering your heart in flutters.

“Please.” Your grandmother pushes her plate away from her, stuffed with filet and red wine.

“JJ,” Your mom grins up at him. Growing up, your mom always had a soft spot for the blonde Pogue. She’s heard the stories about his father, mostly from Steve, who actually grew up with Luke Maybank, his cousin. As a child, he was sent to live with Luke Maybank and his single father. Lets just say, he’s not surprised by the way Luke turned out. “Look at you. You’re all grown up now. Last time I saw you, Y/N was still pushing your head in the sand for stealing her popsicle.”

“Yeah. I quickly learned no one should mess with Y/N and her food,” JJ says.

“Never stopped you though,” You smirk at him.

“Lorelai. Who is this?” Your grandma asks, disregarding the boy himself.

“Mom,” Lorelai gives her mom a warning look. “This is JJ Maybank. He went to school with Y/N and Rory.” Lorelai knew to play it safe with her wording. She didn’t know where you and JJ stood. It’s been so long since you’ve seen him and she knew better than to ask.

“Nice to meet you,” JJ says politely. “I’d shake your hand but mine are kinda full.” He motions to the plates in his hand.

“That’s quite all right.” Your grandma’s smile is so forced, it makes you uncomfortable.

“I won’t hold you up. Has your server been around with the dessert menu?” JJ looks at you. “We have chocolate cake tonight.”

Heat rushes up your neck. Not because of the cake itself but because JJ remembered your favorite dessert. Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and chocolate sprinkles. It was safe to save you were a choco-holic. The boys use to make it for you every year for your birthday. It usually came out burnt, none of them ever remembering how to properly make it. But it was all you needed to feel like a very special girl.

“Your favorite,” Rory elbows you.

Your grandma cringes. “Sounds like diabetes on a plate.”

“Mom,” Lorelai scolds.

“What?” She asks, not understanding the concept of a filter.

Now heat rushes to your cheeks for an entire different reason. “He did. We’re not doing dessert tonight. Thank you, though.”

JJ nods but feels disappointed by the way your face flinched at your grandmother’s comment.

“My pleasure,” He says like he was taught to do and excuses himself to drop the plates off in the back before he can say anything else that would probably get him fired.

Your mom looks at your with raised brows. “He’s cute, honey.”

“Lorelai, please. He’s the busboy,” Your grandma says.

“He’s a good kid, Mom.”

“If you’ll excuse me,” You stand up. “I have to use the restroom.”

Rory gives you a knowing grin as you walk away from the table. When you walk into the hallway between the dining area and the front lobby, you immediately feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Sometimes just the presence of your grandparents and their pompous judgements can be suffocating. You do your best to bite your tongue around them, excusing yourself when you feel yourself getting heated.

JJ catches a glimpse of your light blue dress out of the corner of his eye when he rounds the corner to collect the plates off a different table. He looks over his shoulder at Raymond, who’s staring at the blonde watching you, and winks.

“Hey, Y/N,” JJ says, walking up to you.

You look up from your phone and immediately smile. “Hey. I was actually hoping I’d catch you out here.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” You nervously tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. “I’m sorry about my grandmother. She can be...”

JJ shakes his head. “Hey. It’s okay. I work for Kooks almost every single day. I’m use to it.”

You sigh. “That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“Don’t apologize for something you can’t control,” JJ says. “Besides, that’s probably the nicest she’s ever been to me.”

You hide your face in your hands. “Stop. You’re making it worse.”

JJ laughs and takes your wrists in his hands, slowly pulling them away from your face. Your eyes shoot up to his, immediately feeling a tingling feeling run through your skin, straight to your heart.

“It’s okay. I promise,” He says softly. His voice is so sincere that you have no other option but to believe him. It almost makes your feel guiltier, wondering how much bullshit he’s been through with ungrateful Kooks that it’s so easy for him to forgive and forget.

“Okay,” Your voice is a whisper, taken off guard by how close he is to you and how he still hasn't let go of your hands.

In that same moment, JJ realizes he’s still holding you and gently removes his hands. He coughs awkwardly and scratches the back of his neck, where sweat begins to bubble. Why is he so nervous?

“So um...” You say, suddenly feeling nervous too. “You going to John B’s tonight?”

JJ’s eyes shoot up in surprise. How did you know that? “Yeah. I’m heading over there after work.”

“I saw him and Pope at Heywards earlier today and they invited me over. I wasn’t sure if I should come or not.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

Because it’s different now, you wanted to say. But you didn’t because you feel like the elephant in the room would only grow. And you didn’t want to admit you were nervous to meet Kie and Sarah outside of school.

You shrug. “I don’t know.”

“You should definitely come. The boys miss you.”

You pretend like a little piece of your heart didn’t just break when JJ didn’t say ‘we.’

“What time do you get off of work?”

“Around 9ish.”

You nod. “I can pick you up if you’d like and we could go together?”

Your heart races after you suggest it. What if he says no? Why were you feeling this way? This is the same kid you use to make fun of for pouring milk into his bowl before his cereal.

“Yeah. That’d be perfect.”

“Great!” Your phone pings with a text from Rory, telling you that your grandparents are wondering where you are. “Shit. I have to get back. I’ll see you at nine?”

“See you then,” JJ nods and turns back to the kitchen. When his eyes meet Raymond’s, he’s reminded of what he agreed to. Almost surprised how quickly he forgot about it. You were able to take his mind off of anything without even trying. He clears his throat to get rid of the giddy grin he was wearing after talking to you, wanting to look tough and casual in front of his coworker. “Easy.” He says to him. But that felt anything but easy. He could vomit with nerves.

“There’s still plenty of time for you to screw up, Maybank.”

JJ huffs. He’s not wrong.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You drive up to the front of the country club and park in front of the main entrance. It’s 8:57. You’re early and will look eager. So you wait until 9:06 to text him that you’re here.

You changed into a pair of dark washed denim shorts, a yellow cropped tube top, a grey flannel, and navy converse. You changed your outfit about four times before deciding on your first one, not wanting to look too casual or too dressed up.

For the last three years, you wondered when the four of you would get back together as a group. You wondered if it would ever happen. And now that two Kooks are involved, you feel more nervous than excited.

You jump when the passenger seat door opens, lost in the depth of your own head. JJ smiles, not seeing your reaction.”Cool ride,” he says and looks around the interior.

“Thanks,” you say, pulling out into the road.

“I got you something,” JJ says.

You glance at him with furrowed brows. What could he have possibly gotten you since you saw him last? A book mark from the Country Club’s gift shop?

JJ reaches into his backpack and pulls out a plate with clear wrap around it. Your mouth drops when you see the chocolate cake on a plate in his hands, the smell immediately hitting your nose with pure delight.

“You saved me a piece?” You jump in your seat excitedly.

“Had to hide it good too or else Miss Carol would have had my ass handed to me,” JJ jokes and even pulls out two forks. He undoes the wrapping and cuts off a piece. He waits until you hit a stop sign and says, “Open up.”

You look at him and immediately open your mouth. He gently places the fork between your lips and you take the piece of cake off with your teeth. Like a baby.

Your eyes close with pure pleasure. “Oh my god. That’s amazing.”

“Miss Carol does know how to bake a mean cake,” JJ says and takes a bite of his own.

“Another one,” You say, glancing at the cake again. Like you said, choco-holic. “Please.” You say when JJ teases you by holding the fork away from you.

JJ laughs. “I like hearing you beg.”

You slap him in the arm with the back of your hand. “In your dreams, Maybank.”

“You got that right, Y/L/N.”

The two of you finish the cake with only a few bites each. Small but rich in chocolate that leaves you craving more. You were gonna have to meet this Miss Carol woman.

After he puts the plate back in his bag, JJ reaches for the aux cord, but you quickly slap his hand away. “Hey. What do you think you’re doing?”

“You’re seriously gonna make me listen to this the entire way to John B’s?”

You scoff. “I’ll have you know Blink-182 is one of my favorite bands.”

“It’s also soccer moms’ favorite band,” JJ laughs at you.

You turn up the volume, blasting ‘All the Small Things’ and point to your ear. “Sorry. Can’t hear you!”

JJ rolls his eyes but laughs along with you, even bopping his head to the beat. You drive with the windows down, dancing and singing along to a bunch of throwback songs with JJ as if the two of you have been doing this forever.

You pull up to John B’s and park behind his dad’s old van, better known as The Twinkie. When you turn down the music, JJ looks at you with a shake in his head. “Next time, I’m driving.”

“What was wrong with my driving?”

“We’re in the Outer Banks, Sparky, not NASCAR.”

You scoff and follow behind JJ who’s leading the way up John B’s driveway. As you get closer, you smell the smoky scent of a bonfire nearby and eventually hear John B’s laugh mixed in with a female’s. Your smile falters as nerves gather in the pit of your stomach.

“What’s wrong?” JJ asks.

“Nothing,” You say, but JJ easily catches your lie and gives you a knowing look. “What if they don’t like me?”

“Who? Pope and John B? I’m pretty sure they like you more than me even after three years -”

“Not them, you idiot,” You shove him playfully by the shoulder as you two let yourselves inside. “Sarah and Kie.”

“Don’t you go to school with them?”

“Yeah, but we don’t talk,” You say quietly, not wanting them to hear you.

“Hm.”

“What?” JJ shrugs. “Nothing. I just didn’t think you cared about what other people thought.”

“I don’t,” You say quickly. “But they're your best friends. It’s different.”

“You don’t need their approval. You technically were here first.”

“Yeah, but I’ve been replaced,” You try to say it as a joke and even throw a smirk in there.

But JJ stops in his track and looks at you seriously. “No one can replace you. Not even if they tried.”

You open your mouth to respond, but you’re at a loss for words. It’s not a common occurrence that JJ gets all serious on you. Warmth covers you like a blanket and the longer he holds your stare, the weaker your knees become.

“JJ! Is that you?” John B calls out from the backyard.

“Yeah,” JJ yells back. He opens the fridge in John B’s kitchen. “Want a beer?” He offers to you.

You shake your head. “No thanks.”

For the first time, you take in John B’s home. It looks the same as it did three years ago, only a lot messier. The pull out couch looks like its been used recently with blankets and sheets tossed about on it. Empty beer cans and cigarette butts are thrown messily on the coffee tables and the air smells faintly of old marijuana.

JJ leads you out to the back where four people are gathered around a fire. Three out of the four immediately smile when the two of you approach them, but Kie’s eyes narrow and her head tilts with confusion.

Shit, you think.

“You came!” Pope laughs and hops up from his beach chair and embraces you in a hug.

You laugh, not expecting the embrace, but welcoming it all the same. John B’s next, giving you a quick hug and shaking his head.

“I gotta say, I didn’t think you were going to come,” John B says.

“You can thank me for that later,” JJ says jokingly.

“Actually when I heard JJ was coming, I almost changed my mind and stayed home,” You joke and smirk JJ’s way.

“Just like old times,” Pope says, looking between you and the blonde. The banter felt like the yall never separated in the first place.

“Hey, you know Sarah and Kie, right?” John B points to the girls. Sarah stands up to say hi, and eventually Kie follows her, not wanting to look rude, but stays off to the side, keeping her distance.

“Yeah,” You wave awkwardly.

“Hey!” Sarah says sweetly. “I didn’t realize you guys use to all hang out.”

“Y/N grew up down the street,” JJ explains and sips at his beer.

“You want a drink or something?” Pope asks you, not knowing JJ already did.

“No thank you,” You say again.

“You don’t drink?” Kie asks. It was the first thing she’s said to you.

“Not usually,” You say and hold her stare. You try to get a read on her, but she’s had to get a tell on. You can’t tell if she just doesn’t like you or just doesn’t know you. Either way, it makes you uneasy.

“Here, I’ll go grab you a chair,” Pope says and walks to the side of the house to grab another beat up beach chair.

As the night goes on, you feel the tension in your shoulders loosen and your body feel lighter. Most of the night was spent retelling childhood stories the four of you shared. Sarah would laugh at most of them, occasionally rolling her eyes at her boyfriend from the stupid shit he would do, although it sounds like he’s no different to you now.

You talked about the time you and JJ stole a golf cart for a joy ride on Figure Eight, or when you and John B pranked Pope by putting a dead fish in his locker, or how you and John B learned how to play guitar from youtube tutorials.

Midnight came around quickly and exhaustion was slowly taking over your body. It’s been a long day between the cafe flooding, dinner with your grandparents, and now this.

JJ was the first to notice you slowly fading.

“You okay?” He asks you quietly as everyone else is caught up in conversation.

“Yeah,” You say, lazily grinning at him.

“We can leave if you want,” He says.

“You’re not staying?” You ask. It sounded like everyone was planning to spend the night here. And as much as you wanted to, you just didn’t feel comfortable enough yet.

JJ shrugs. “My dad’s out of town tonight. It’ll be nice to have the house to myself.” Before you can say anything, he stands and brushes his hands against his pants. “All right, losers. We’re out of here.”

“Aw, you’re leaving?” Sarah pouts.

“Yeah, I’m beat and Y/N’s my ride home,” JJ says.

You were glad he didn’t call you out for being tired. You didn’t want to look lame in front of everybody, especially Kie.

“Thanks for having me,” You say to everyone. It might have been John B’s house, but it was everyone’s night you intruded on.

John B stands up to hug you. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

You nod. “I won’t. I promise.”

Pope hugs you next. “Text me when you get back safe.”

“I will.”

“Bye!” Sarah waves and Kie exhales a ring of smoke from her blunt.

You wave at them before following JJ back to your car.

“Nuh-uh-uh,” JJ says. You didn’t realize you both walked to the driver’s side.

“What? No.”

JJ nods and holds his hands out for your keys. “I’m not dying tonight.”

“You’ve been drinking and smoking all night,” You say. You didn’t think JJ was drunk or even that high, but you were not going to let a teenager with an ounce of alcohol in his system get behind the wheel. “Next time. For now, hold on to the cupholder.”

JJ sighs dramatically and goes to the other side of the car and hops in the passenger seat.

This time you keep the music quiet, listening to the hum of the radio instead of your phone.

“Take a left,” JJ says.

“JJ, I know where you live. And it’s not left.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

You snicker. “Not in the slightest.”

JJ rolls his eyes. “Just take the left.”

You hold your hands up in surrender and take the left turn. He directs you for a couple more miles until he has you park in front of a 24 hour diner.

“What are we doing here?” You ask.

“I’m in the mood for a milkshake.”

“We just had cake!” You say.

“Come on, Sparky. Show me what that mouth can do,” JJ smirks.

You go to hit him again but he takes off running to the front entrance and pulls the door open. You chase after him, almost running into his back at the front host stand where JJ safely smirks at you in triumph.

“Two please,” He says to the hostess.

The old cranky woman leads you to a booth off to the side next to a window without a word.

A couple minutes later, a waitress walks by and asks if you’re ready to order.

“Yes. One chocolate milkshake and one black and white milkshake,” JJ orders for both of you, already knowing what flavor you’d want.

“And fries, please.” You say. The waitress nods, takes your menus, and walks off. JJ raises his brow at the extra order. “What?” You shrug. “Just showing you what my mouth can do.”

JJ scoffs. “What a tease.”

You playfully kick his shin under the table.

“Did you have fun tonight?” JJ asks.

“Yeah,” You answer. “Felt like old times. The girls are nice too.”

You were about to only mention Sarah, but you didn’t want to cause any issues with Kie. Not yet at least. Maybe she just needed time to warm up to you.

“See? I told you they wouldn’t bite.”

A couple minutes later, the waitress comes back with your milkshakes and fries.

“How’s John B doing? You know, with the whole Big John thing?” You ask delicately, unsure of how JJ would react to you pestering about John B’s business. “I didn’t want to ask and bring the mood down,” You explain yourself although you don’t need to.

JJ shrugs. “He’s in denial I think. Won’t sign a death certificate until he sees a body. He could be worse, though.”

“Yeah,” You say softly. You don’t know what you would do if you were in that situation. In a way you felt lucky that you never knew your dad at all. It would be harder to lose him, knowing who he was.

You take a fry and dip it into your milkshake before taking a bite. This makes JJ freeze and look at you like you have two heads.

“What?” You say with your mouth full.

“I can’t believe you just did that.”

“Don’t knock it till you try it,” You say and give him a look to do it.

JJ reluctantly picks up the fry and dunks it into his milkshake. He looks at the fry questioningly before popping it into his mouth. Somehow the sweetness of the milkshake and the saltiness of the french fry complement each other beautifully and his widen in pleasant surprise.

“Oh wow,” JJ says.

“Told you,” You smirk.

You spend the next hour catching up, trying to fit the last three years into an hour. JJ does most of the talking because you want to know more about what John B, Pope, and JJ have been up to. Your life was so boring and depressing, you didn’t want to bore JJ with the details.

You drive JJ home and talk for a few minutes more when you park. He seems to be procrastinating getting out of the car, but you don’t mind. You could talk to him all night, suddenly not feeling tired anymore.

“All right. I’ll let you get home before the sun rises,” He says and opens the door. He pauses when his feet hit the ground and he looks back at you. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“I have to work at the shop, why?”

“Well, there’s a storm coming in. John B and I might go out to surf the surge before it hits. You still surf?”

You scoff. “Do I still surf?”

JJ holds his hands up in surrender. “Just checking. You think you can handle the surge?”

“Let’s not forget who the better surfer is, JJ.”

“I didn’t. It’s still me.”

“You wish.”

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Now you have a point to prove. You have to show JJ that you’re still the better surfer.

“I'll see you tomorrow,” You agree.

“Great, it’s a date.” He winks and shuts the door before you can tell him otherwise.

You giggle to yourself as JJ walks up the front yard and stay there until he you see he gets in safely.

You pull out of the driveway, wishing he had asked you out on a real date. One that didn’t involve John B.

Tag list: @super-funky-bisexual @sunsetswithjj @moniamaybank @throwawayfish @poguestyle17 @5am-cigarette @jjpouggues @fly-away-from-here @buckys2thicc

#JJ Imagine #jj fic #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj obx #jj fanfiction #jj maybank imagine #outer banks imagine #outer banks imagines #outer banks fic #jj maybank one shot

242 notes · View notes

sankyeom · 4 years

Text

batter up! | e.s

pairings: eric sohn x female reader genre: baseball player!eric, college au, strangers to lovers, summary: in which you are assigned to interview the unapproachable baseball team ace eric sohn, and things end up going sideways word count: 6.1k (did i get carried way with the concept? yes i did) requested: nope i literally have other requests from months ago that i should get to but i’ve been having writers block and i couldn’t write any of them without it sounding awful sooooo here we are!!! enjoy lol note: all of the boyz are the same age for the sake of the story. also, the start of the plot is based on rowoon’s episode of sf9’s drama click your heart. 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝

“So, you want to join newspaper,” the newspaper editor, Choi Chanhee, said as he crossed his arms and surveyed you. It was the start of the second semester, and you soon realised that you had very few clubs and activities under your belt. “What makes you think I’ll let you join in the middle of the year?” Chanhee inquired, raising an eyebrow in question. His full cheeks and baby pink hair usually made him seem approachable and soft, but his hard expression cancelled out any comfort his other features might have brought you.

You blinked at him. “We’ve been best friends since freshman year?” you deadpanned, irritated that Chanhee was making such a big deal out of it. From the corner of the room, you noticed Changmin suppress a giggle by clearing his throat and pretending to cough into the bend of his elbow. “Come on, Chanhee. You’re a reporter short since Bomin quit, right?” you recalled what he had been moaning about for nearly three months. “I can fill in for him! I’ll be great.”

Despite being your best friend and normally having quite a warm personality, Chanhee was skeptical. “Alright,” he decided, drawing the word out and unfolding his arms. Chanhee sauntered over to where Changmin was standing and – after giving him a sharp elbow to the ribs – grabbed his clipboard, pretending to look for something to assign you. You could tell by the ways his eyes didn’t even skim the words that he already had something in mind for you. “If you’re so desperate to join the paper, then you can do the interview on Eric Sohn,” he stated, giving you a challenging look.

So much for him “going easy on you”, as he had said moments before the two of you entered the media room together.

Dramatically, a few gasps sounded through the media room and you sighed. “Who’s Eric Sohn?” you almost regretted asking, since everyone seemed mortified that you didn’t know him.

“He’s the baseball team’s ace,” Juyeon explained while trying to balance his water bottle on his head. It was half full and he had been at it for the entire time you tried to convince Chanhee to let you join newspaper. “Unapproachable as hell, though. We’ve tried to interview him before and believe me, it was terrible,” he added with a quiet laugh, eyes crinkling at the outer corners. “He’s a friend of ours but he doesn’t really say much.”

“Everyone wants to know more about him,” Chanhee elaborated, causing your eyes to flicker back to your best friend. “And if I want to be the best editor in history of the paper, I’m getting that story,” he smiled sweetly, as if he hadn’t given you – what seemed like – an impossible job. “Like you said, you’ll be great!” Chanhee pumped a fist in the air half-heartedly to encourage you.

Sunwoo snorted, lying across three chairs he had lined up for him to curl up on. “Or not,” he sang, tossing a hacky sack between his hands with ease. “Eric’s my best friend and the last time I tried to interview him, he yelled at me for interrupting his practice and had the coach kick me out,” Sunwoo seemed amused by the turn of events, but it didn’t motivate you to carry out your interview. “I’m banned from the baseball field now.”

It wasn’t long before other members of the paper brought up their own horror stories, describing attempts at interviewing the baseball team’s ace. The negativity in the room surprised you; it was supposedly only an interview assignment. Was Eric Sohn really that difficult to be around? And if so, why was your best friend making your first assignment so hard on you?

“So far, this assignment has been proven impossible to complete,” Chanhee explained. “Do we all agree that if Y/n can do this, she gets to join newspaper? No questions asked?” he glanced around at his team of writers, photographers and editors. Immediately, the members all nodded. Chanhee smiled at you.

Well, that answered your questions.

Feeling burdened, you asked Chanhee, “How long do I have for this?”

Chanhee flicked through the stack of papers attached to his clipboard until he found the paper’s schedule. “I can give you about a month, but no more than that,” he insists. “I may be your best friend, but I do have a weekly paper to put out,” he adds, making you nod.

“A month is more than enough,” you promised. “On what days does the baseball team meet?”

The indoor baseball stadium your university had was cold in the mornings. Chanhee had managed to get Eric’s practice schedule from Sunwoo, and the next morning at 5:30am sharp, you arrived at the stadium to try and interview Eric. As you opened the main door, you could hear a loud and clear voice telling everyone to do their warmups so they could start practicing. Since you didn’t know much about baseball, you decided to make your way towards the bleachers and watch the team practice for a while.

Chanhee had shown you a picture of Eric so you would know who you were looking for, and you were slightly miffed that it hadn’t done him any justice. He stood out much more in person; his features sharper and body leaner and stronger from the years of practice. You were almost intimidated by his overall aura and piercing gaze.

Checking your notes, you recalled basic information that Chanhee had given you so that you weren’t completely clueless going into your interview. Eric Sohn was the ace player because he was their best batter and fastest runner. This combination along with his precision allowed him to almost always hit home runs and also be an excellent fielder. A summary of his past scores had also been provided, but that might as well have been a completely different language because you couldn’t understand it.

With a sigh, you tightened your jacket around you in order to warm up more in the cool stadium. Watching Eric practice, you noticed that he wasn’t batting very well on that day. There was a crease between his brows and he kept hitting the ground with his bat in frustration, occasionally throwing it down staring at the floor in contemplation.

You really felt for him.

It was clear that the team relied on him a lot and his reputation of being unapproachable and cold surely couldn’t have been entirely fair, either. His coach was chastising him, pointing his finger and raising his voice as Eric stood still and nodded, face void of any expression. You assumed his coach had told him to take a break, because he started removing his batting gloves and making his way to the bench.

You knew it probably wasn’t the best time to approach him for a favour, but you had been sitting for nearly an hour and your legs and thighs were starting to feel numb. The walk down the steps was welcome, even when your heart raced with nerves as you approached Eric. When you were a few steps away from him, the boy glanced up and raised an eyebrow at you. “This is a closed practice,” he told you.

Of course he had to have the most incredible voice to go along with his looks. Great.

“Um,” You stammered dumbly for a moment, tucking your hair behind your ear to give your hands something to do. “I know. I just- I was hoping you had a moment?” you asked, voice far less confident than you had wished. “I’m on the university’s newspaper and I was assigned an interview on you.”

“On me,” Eric repeated, tilting his head to the side. “Chanhee really doesn’t give up, does he,” something resembling a chuckle left his lips. “I’m at practice right now,” his tone was firm, as if he was trying to tell you to leave without expressing those exact words.

You felt yourself nodding. “I get it… if you’re having a hard time with your practice,” you added, thinking back to how his coach yelled at him. “I understand that and I can leave you alone.”

Eric observed you; you weren’t sure exactly what he was looking for, but he suddenly motioned towards you. “What’s the first question?” he asked. You were pleased that he had decided to do the interview and, in fear of him changing his mind again, immediately opened your notebook to search for the questions Chanhee had wanted answered.

“Right,” you said, finding the right page. “Um, what made you-“

“Heads up!” a shout distracted you from your thoughts. Your head whipped to the side to see who was shouting, only to see a baseball being hurtled at you at a blistering speed.

“Watch out!” Eric exclaimed, jumping in front of you to grab the baseball before it could smack you directly in the face. You flinched at the sound of his hand coming in contact with the baseball, stunned that he had expertly caught the tiny sphere at the speed it was going at.

Just as you were about to thank Eric for saving you, the boy fell to the ground, moaning in pain at the impact. The ball fell from his grasp and he held onto the hand that caught it with his other; tears building in his eyes. You kneeled down next to him, panicked. “Are you okay?” you questioned, concerned at his reaction.

“Sohn!” his coach yelled, running over to where you and Eric were crouched. “What the hell were you thinking, catching a fastball with your bare hands?” the man chastised, kneeling with the boy and calling the team medic over to inspect Eric’s hand.

“Is that bad?” you asked innocently, confused as to why Eric was in so much pain.

The coach gave you a glare. “Get out of my stadium,” he ordered instead of answering you.

You glanced between him and Eric, feeling embarrassed at the situation. “I’m really sorry,” you told Eric sincerely, picking up your abandoned bag and running out of the stadium.

Chanhee was going to kill you.

“I thought you wanted to be on the paper,” Chanhee said with a frown. “Not that you wanted the paper to write an article about you injuring the baseball team’s star player,” he emphasised, making you flinch.

“That isn’t fair!” you exclaimed. “I didn’t do anything wrong! If anything, we should be asking ourselves why a teammate of Eric’s blatantly hurled a baseball in his direction,” you tried to defend yourself. “And I was in the midst of getting that interview, thank you very much.”

“And now I’ll never get it,” Chanhee sighed. Younghoon rolled his eyes at your friend’s theatrics.

“Shouldn’t we be more concerned that our friend is injured than the fact that you didn’t get your story?” he reminded your pink-haired friend. Chanhee waved his hand at him, as if physically swatting Younghoon’s words away, before going back to picking at his lunch.

“Yeah Chanhee,” a voice behind you agreed, and you knew in your gut that it was Eric. Nervously, you turned around to face the blond and saw him already looking at you. Your eyes met and you were startled by how much warmer his deep brown eyes appeared. “You’re being a terrible friend.”

“Well you’re a terrible friend, too,” Chanhee argued. “How many reporters have I sent to interview you, only to have them be humiliated and turned down?” he asked.

“I’m injured,” Eric said as he took the empty seat between you and Kevin. “Can’t you lay off on the newspaper stuff for a while?” Chanhee rolled his eyes but said nothing; you knew this meant that he agreed with Eric but was too proud to voice it.

Eric’s mention of an injury made you glance down at his right hand, seeing it tightly wrapped in a bandage. “Are you okay?” you asked him, observing his hand.

“It’s a sprain,” Eric explained, lifting his hand up for your friends to see. “Nothing major, but I have to sit out of practice for at least a month, according to the doctor,” he added. “It’s a good thing the season doesn’t start until two months from now.”

Your heart sank at his admission. “I’m really sorry,” you told him. “Truly. I never meant for that to happen,” you promised. “Is there anything I can do?” you offered, wanting to help him out since you had caused enough problems for him.

“Sure,” Eric allowed. “First off, you can tell me your name.”

You smiled at this. “I’m Y/n,” you introduced yourself. “What else?”

You were surprised when the corners of Eric’s mouth lifted up into a small grin. “You could walk me to class?”

He had a stunning smile. Something about it made you want to make him smile more.

Helping Eric with his books and bag had become a regular thing. At first, you did it because you felt guilty about partially being at fault for his injury (and because you were curious about him). Soon, you found that Eric was actually quite a bright and excitable person who was a lot of fun to be around.

As Eric was always so busy juggling school and baseball, he never sat with you and your mutual friends during mealtimes. Now that he no longer had to attend baseball practise at the recommendation of his doctor, Eric was able to sit with your friends every lunch and dinner. Even your friends were surprised when Eric started openly joining discussions and laughing at Sangyeon and Juyeon’s terrible jokes. Sunwoo especially was quite startled by this change; as his roommate and best friend, it was a change that he welcomed despite the initial shock.

After a particularly tiring day of midterms, you felt compelled to do something fun instead of spending the whole night cramming for a midterm you were already confident in doing well on. At approximately 3am, you found yourself rounding up ingredients for chocolate chip cookies from your baking stash and tip-toeing your way into the communal kitchen to bake.

Your roommate had been asleep for a few hours at that point, and you knew that most of your friends would be resting after their rigorous study schedules. Thus, as you rolled up your sleeves and pre-heated the oven, you hadn’t expected anybody to be awake to join your late night – or early morning? – cookie escapades.

Which was why you nearly lost your soul when a hand tapped you on the shoulder. You had your earphones in and were humming along to your favourite playlist as you started mixing the dry ingredients for your cookies, and leapt in the air at the contact. Whirling around, you sighed in relief when you saw Eric, stood with pink pyjamas and ruffled hair, instead of your RA. “You scared me,” you told him, even though you knew he could tell from your reaction. “What are you doing awake?”

Eric shrugged. “I heard someone walking down the hall,” he explained. “I guess a small part of me was hoping it was you,” he grinned widely after his cheesy comment, urging you to roll your eyes.

“Very funny,” you mumbled, trying to ignore the way your heart sped up and palms started sweating at his sweet words.

“What are you making?” Eric asked, hopping up to sit on the counter and slipping his glasses on so he could see better. “Cookies?”

You hummed. “Chocolate chip,” you added with a big grin, holding up the bag of sugary delights to emphasise your point.

“My favourite,” Eric noted happily. “Can I help?”

You nodded, listing off the wet ingredients that he could prepare for you in a seperate bowl. You knew he could pour it all with one hand and you would do the mixing yourself afterwards. After handing Eric one of your earphones, the two of you fell into a comfortable silence as you made your cookie batter, the silence only breaking once in a while by your giggles as you bumped into one another. The first time was a mistake on your part, but after that the two of you were trying your hardest to make the other person giggle and squirm.

Once the cookies were shaped and in the oven, you and Eric sat on the floor near them to relish in the heat the oven was radiating. “What were those questions you wanted to ask me?” Eric inquired, referring to the interview questions Chanhee had prepared for you.

Your eyes widened in surprise. The two of you hadn’t discussed the interview since he was injured, and you had nearly forgotten about your assignment. “Oh. They were mostly just about your baseball life and how you keep your grades up and stuff,” you admitted. “It’s not the interview I would have wanted to give, but it’s what Chanhee wanted.”

“What would you have asked me, then?” Eric asked. “What is your ideal Eric Sohn interview,” he added in an MC voice, making you fight off a grin at how silly he was being.

“Well,” you trailed off, trying to find the right wording. “That day I was at practice it looked like you were having a pretty hard time. What was going through your mind?”

Eric went silent. He hadn’t been expecting that. “I was just thinking that it’s hard to be perfect all the time. My team relies on me a lot, and while it’s an honour to be such an important member of the team, it can be really hard when people expect you to be the ace and you don’t perform.”

There was a distant look on his face, as if his thoughts were going a hundred miles a minute. “What made you want to join the university baseball team?” you asked, moving slightly so that you were facing Eric more comfortably.

A smile reached his lips. “I just really love baseball,” he chuckled. “I’ve been playing since I was a kid. Obviously I knew that university baseball was going to be on a different level, but I just knew that I wasn’t done playing yet. The challenge was exciting and it motivated me to be a better player.”

“I guess it worked,” you mused.

“I guess so,” he reluctantly agreed.

“So when did you start playing?” you asked, peering into the oven to check on your cookies. They had at least another five minutes left until they would be the golden-brown colour you wanted.

“I’ve played with my dad for fun ever since I can remember,” Eric admitted. “Of course when you grow up in LA, you watch baseball on TV with your family,” he added, reminiscing in his childhood.

“Dodgers?” you guessed his favourite team, since he said he was from LA.

“Yankees,” he corrected with a shrug. “My family used to go down to Yankee stadium to watch them play during baseball season when we visited New York. Our seats were always all the way in the back in the highest row, but I didn’t care. As long as I got to watch it all,” you laughed at his excitement. “I guess you could say my baseball career started in little league,” Eric recalled, stretching his legs out in front of him. “Sometimes I wish I could go back,” the smile slowly fell from his face. “Everything was so much easier then.”

“I get that,” you agreed with him. “I never played in little league, but I remember going to my friends’ games,” you said, almost picturing the old baseball field with all your friends running around and playing. “I didn’t even know what was going on in the game. All I knew was that I could cheer on my friends. I’d yell for them as loudly as possible and get popcorn to keep myself entertained during the parts where my friends were benched,” you smiled at the memory. “It was just... fun. I didn’t have to think about any grown-up problems.”

“That’s exactly how I felt,” Eric agreed, excitement filling his voice. “I finally got to make friends that loved baseball as much as me, and playing was fun. It was exciting and nerve-wracking, and it made me happy to practice and play another game,” he sighed. “These days, I play because the university relies on me, and because my parents want me to,” Eric confessed. “I miss loving baseball, I-“ he paused, clearing his throat. “I want to love baseball. But with all the pressure and expectations…” he trailed off, alluding to the fact that he no longer loved the sport that used to fill his childhood with happiness.

You bit your lip. “I’m sorry,” you told him, more as a form of empathy than anything else. “What made you fall in love with baseball in the first place?”

Eric pondered. “Well, at first I just enjoyed playing the sport. But the longer I played, I guess I liked being part of a team. I liked feeling supported by the other guys and feeling like I was needed and trusted by them.”

“What’s missing from your team now that makes you feel like you don’t have that?” you wondered.

“I guess my team relies on me more than I feel like I can give them,” Eric confesses, voice cracking slightly. He cleared his throat, and you hesitantly reached your hand out for him to hold. He grasped it tightly in his, thankful for the small sign of support.

“Maybe you can find support elsewhere,” you suggested, slightly holding up your hands and smiling.

“Yeah, maybe,” Eric agreed with a smile, tears slightly welling in the corners of his eyes. You didn’t have anything else to say and were grateful for the alarm quietly going off on your phone, signalling that your cookies were ready. “Perfect timing,” he added with a laugh as the two of you stood up. You pretended not to see Eric wipe away a tear with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

They hadn’t looked like sad tears.

Chanhee flipped through the pages you had printed out for him to read. He already spent ten minutes reading and re-reading the article you had written. At this point, it was just getting ridiculous. “Chanhee,” you whined, making the pink-haired boy place the papers down.

“This is…” he paused, trying to find the words. “How did you get him to open up like that?” Chanhee wondered, unable to grasp the idea that Eric had given you so many childhood anecdotes and personal stories to fill the pages of your interview.

You smiled. “I just talked to him like a friend instead of someone to interview,” you shrugged. “He’s actually surprisingly easy to talk to. And really talkative once he gets started,” you added as an afterthought.

“I noticed that about him recently,” Sunwoo agreed. This time, instead of lying across three chairs, he was sat upside down on the only sofa in the media room, head dangling dangerously close to the ground. “These days he seems happy to tell me about his day and doesn’t leave a single detail out. It’s kind of crazy to see the change,” Sunwoo told you.

Chanhee help up the pages. “Did he really approve everything in this?” he asked.

You nodded. “Yeah, of course. I wrote it with his permission and let him read it all before I brought it to you. He’s happy with it,” you promised your best friend. “Wouldn’t want to upset my best friend and potential editor…” you trailed off, hopeful.

“Well obviously you’re in!” Chanhee exclaimed, hugging you tightly as you laughed. “You just got me the most personal article of a university athlete I’ve ever published. You deserve it,” he assured you. “Plus, you put a permanent smile on one of my friend’s faces. I didn’t think that would be possible,” Chanhee gave you a meaningful look when you separated, causing you to smile bashfully and angle your gaze at the floor to avoid his gaze.

“He’s way more open than you guys gave him credit for,” you retorted. You truly believed it; the first time you tried to interview him, he had surprised you with how willing he was to help you out.

“And emotional,” Changmin chimed in. “He cried during The Notebook, then he cried again when we put a horror film on afterwards. You can’t win.”

His comment made you laugh, picturing Eric curled up on the couch in the communal dorm movie room while sobbing into Changmin’s shoulder was too good to pass up on. “Make sure you invite me to the next movie night,” you requested. Changmin saluted you in response, Sunwoo throwing a thumbs up in agreement to allow you to join. “Anyway, I need to get going. I’m actually heading to surprise said cry-baby at his first day back at practice,” you informed them, picking up your bag to get going.

“His hand healed so quickly?” Juyeon asked, surprised.

“Not at all,” you denied with a sad smile. “He says it’s still hurting these days. But his coach wants him to come observe practice so when his hand heals he’ll be up to date on everything... Or something,” you shrugged, unsure of how people prepared for baseball games.

As you waved your goodbyes, Chanhee called out to you: “Don’t forget we meet every Monday, Wednesday and Thursday for newspaper!” You were pleased that Chanhee had enjoyed your article and wanted you on the newspaper, especially since so many of your friends were usually occupied by this extracurricular activity anyway.

Once you arrived at the baseball stadium, you took a seat on the first bleacher to wait for Eric to arrive. The weather had warmed significantly since the first time you came a month ago. You supposed the fact that it was an afternoon practice instead of an early morning practice also added to the lack of cold you were experiencing.

“Hey,” a member of Eric’s team approached you with a smile.

Unsure, you smiled back and greeted him. “Hello,” you said.

“You look a little out of place,” he said to you, standing in front of you. “I’ve never seen you here before,” he added.

“Oh yeah, I don’t usually come here,” you confirmed for him. “I’m just waiting for a friend,” you added politely.

“You’re far too pretty to be waiting alone,” he said, which made you freeze up. You hadn’t been approached by guys like him often, but it had happened enough for you to know that they really couldn’t take a hint.

“And yet here I am,” you replied, trying to sound curt.

“I could keep you company,” the guy suggested. You opened your mouth to protest, but he had already taken a seat next to you, far too close for your personal comfort. As you subtly scooted away from him, he seemed to take this as a suggestion for him to sit even closer to you. “I like your hair,” he said, lifting his hand as if he was about to touch it.

A hand grabbed his before he could. “It doesn’t sound like you asked,” Eric told his teammate, right hand tightening on the boy’s, voice clipped and laced with anger. “So I don’t think that’s a very good idea.” Eric yanked him up to his feet, and you finally felt like you could breathe again with the distance between the two of you. With a harsh shove, he stumbled back and glared at Eric, cursing under his breath and stalking off.

“Eric your hand,” you realised, standing up and trying to inspect his injured hand.

“Are you okay?” he asked instead, searching your body for any sign that you were uncomfortable or hurt. “That creep didn’t say or do anything?”

You shook your head. “No, no, I’m fine! But your hand-“ you soon realised that Eric wasn’t even wearing the brace anymore. After the original bandage that was put on it, his doctor had given him a small wrap brace so he could do everyday activities with more ease and support. Instead, his hand was bare and looked completely fine. “Is healed?” you stammered, confused. You glanced up at Eric, who seemed to be avoiding eye contact. “Just yesterday you told me that it was hurting.”

“I lied,” Eric confessed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you forgave him easily. It wasn’t a big deal and you were just happy that he wasn’t in pain anymore, especially since you felt partially responsible for the injury in the first place. “Why didn’t you tell me?” you wondered.

Eric scratched the back of his neck and sighed. “I like having you around, okay?” he admitted. “I figured that after you got whatever you needed for your interview, you would leave me alone and go back to how things were before I was injured.”

His disclosure had stunned you into silence. You opened your mouth to say something twice, but ended up closing it again for lack of knowing what to say. “You thought I was just talking to you for my interview?” you clarified. Eric nodded. “I completely forgot about it until you brought it up a few weeks ago,” you admitted to him. “I was spending time with you because I wanted to, not because I wanted to get interview answers out of you,” you promised.

“Not even because you felt guilty about being involved in my injury?” Eric inquired.

“At first I wanted to help you because I felt guilty,” you agreed. “But after the first time we hung out together I stopped caring about that.”

“Oh,” Eric said, staring at you as if he had no clue what to say. “I really thought you were going to leave…”

You were amused that Eric was so sure of himself. “Did you ever consider asking me to stay?” you pointed out, crossing your arms and raising an eyebrow to tease him.

Eric paused. “Will you?” he wondered.

“Will you?” you retorted.

Eric frowned. “I’m lost,” he stated. “Will I what?”

You grinned, finding his furrowed brows and slightly cocked head quite adorable. “Kiss me,” you told him what you meant. His eye’s widened, lips parting slightly before Eric nodded. Once, twice, three times. You took this as your cue and stepped closer to him, your lips easily finding his as you closed your eyes.

“Sohn!” the sound of his coach’s voice caused you to jump apart. “This is baseball practice. You can practice that in your own time,” he said, although you could tell by his tone that he was poking fun at his ace player.

Eric blushed, clearing his throat. “Yes coach,” he called, smiling shyly at you before rushing off to put on his batting gloves.

Decked out in your university’s colours, you stood in the bleachers with your friends, anxiously biting your lip as you watched the game unfold before you. Eric and his team had made it to the championships this season, and you were more than thrilled to go and support him with the rest of your friends. Eric had been teaching you about baseball for months now, and the more you went to watch him play, the more motivated you were to remember everything he told you.

Your article had been published in the newspaper a week after you handed it in to Chanhee, and the personal interview had made it the most popular issue Chanhee had ever published as the editor of the weekly paper. Needless to say, readers wanted you to write a follow-up interview on Eric and his life on the baseball team, especially after word got out that the two of you had started dating. For a while, you were the talk of the town. You were unnerved by the sudden attention, but things mellowed down soon after people realised that you weren’t interested in satiating their endless questions.

“How much longer is this going to be?” Haknyeon whined, sighing as he leaned against Kevin for support. He had mostly been attracted by the idea of all the great snacks that being at a baseball game entailed, and hadn’t realised that a game without timing such as baseball could go on for hours.

“This is the ninth inning, so most games usually end with this round,” you spouted the information Eric had drilled into you with ease after going to his games all season long.

Next to you, Jacob giggled. “You’re turning into a natural at this,” he complimented, grinning. “Eric would be proud,” he added happily.

“Eric is their last batter,” you said in response, more focused on the game than on Jacob’s comments. “He looks nervous,” you mused, foot tapping nervously on the floor, causing your whole leg to move rapidly.

“Don’t you be nervous, he’s got this,” Kevin assured you, trying to stop Haknyeon from falling asleep on his shoulder. “Despite his injury a few months before the season started, this is the best he’s ever played.”

Hyunjae chuckled. “Yeah, I wonder why,” he teased, pointing over at you behind his hand as if you wouldn’t have known what he was doing.

You shushed your friends. “He’s up,” you said, voice shaking slightly from your nerves.

Eric stepped up to the place, looking like he was at ease and confident. This calmed you only slightly, because you knew that Eric was good at putting on a performance during his games. He knew that if he looked even slightly anxious, it would affect the other players and the audience too. Eric adjusted his grip on the bat and got in position. The pitcher threw the ball and Eric swung, missing the ball by a hair.

You groaned. “Strike one!” the umpire called, holding up a finger.

“Come on, Eric…” you mumbled, folding your hands together and squeezing tightly.

The second time the pitcher threw the ball, Eric swung the bat and hit the ball clean, sending it soaring over the outfield fence, only hitting the ground after flying between the foul poles. You gasped, jumping in the air and cheering. “What’s happening?” Chanhee asked, standing up next where you and Jacob were shouting for joy.

“Home run!” you and Jacob chorused as Eric ran his way to each base at lightning speed, reaching home base and making the winning run for your university’s team. “We won!” Jacob added and your friends all cheered with you, jumping up and down in excitement.

You could see the team celebrating together by screaming and jumping as well, and you clapped along with the rest of the audience. Eric joined their excitement after pulling off his helmet and gloves, making you smile in relief. After opening up to you and your friends, Eric had decided to speak with his team and coach about the pressure he was feeling. The team had reacted better than Eric expected, and soon Eric felt reassured and supported by his teammates.

Once Eric had given his coach a hug, he charged towards the fence separating the field from the bleachers. Instantly, your friends started cooing at you, but you only rolled your eyes. You had gotten used to the teasing after dating Eric for half a year at that point and it no longer affected you anymore. You handed Jacob your bag and raced down the bleacher steps towards your boyfriend.

“Congratulations!” you exclaimed, wrapping your arms around him when he met you on your side of the fence. You easily fit into his arms and heard Eric’s adrenaline-filled laughter next to your ear.

“Couldn’t have done it without you,” he stated, pulling away just enough to kiss you. The cheers coming from your friends were almost defeating at this point but you ignored them, pulling Eric closer to you and deepening the kiss. When you pulled away, he gave you one last peck before beaming. “You helped me fall in love with baseball again, and that’s something I can never repay you for,” Eric told you, causing your heart to swell with pride.

You had noticed the changes in Eric’s attitude towards baseball before the season started. He seemed more excited about his practices and was getting closer to the people on his team. “It’s not little league, but it’s pretty good, right?” you asked rhetorically.

Eric laughed. “Really good,” he corrected. “Not only did I fall in love with baseball again, but it helped me fall in love with you for the first time,” Eric confessed. The two of you had never said that you loved each other, even though you showed it every day with your actions.

You beamed. “I love you too, Eric.”

And with that, you were pulled into another kiss. This one felt more fulfilling and warm than all the previous ones combined.

note: i’m a sucker for cheesy endings so i had to end it like this!!

#the boyz #eric #eric sohn #tbz #the boyz imagines #the boyz scenarios #the boyz oneshots #the boyz fic #the boyz x reader #son youngjae #eric imagines #eric imagine #the boyz imagine #tbz imagines #tbz imagine #eric x reader #deobiwritersnet #fic: batter up!

2K notes · View notes

livingbythewords · 3 years

Text

Theo Raeken, Scott McCall and the concept of betrayal in friendship - a Teen Wolf meta

Recently I came upon an interesting and somewhat subversive perspective on two phenomena that have been occupying my mind for a long time – friendship and betrayal. Because these two themes are not only often present in Teen Wolf, but are at the very core of season 5, I had some thoughts on the psychological concepts of friendship and betrayal in relation to the series.

General consensus in our view on both friendship and betrayal suggests that we tend to view friendship as a natural state of things developing through mutual trust and loyalty with love at its core, whereas betrayal is viewed as disruptive event that causes mostly pain, confusion and destruction. The perspective I am talking about considers the possibility that "the roots of both [friendship and betrayal] may draw their energy from the same deep layers of the human psyche" (French, Gosling and Case, 2009) and that betrayal is in fact not something that comes out of nowhere and disrupts friendship, but rather precedes it and constitutes its inherent part. It also introduces a very interesting concept of "virtuous betrayal", which may be regarded as "betrayal in the service of a higher purpose‟ (Krantz, 2006). Both betrayal and friendship are therefore complex phenomena, which according to the authors are interdependent and have deep impact on each other.

I'm going to start from the concept of virtuous betrayal, which to me is interesting and rather uncommon and puts Theo's attempts at dismantling the McCall pack in a new light (at least to me). In Status Asthmaticus (season 5, episode 10) Theo fully reveals the motivation behind his actions:

I never lied about why I came to Beacon Hills. I'm here for a pack. I came for the were-coyote. The one whose first instinct is to kill. I came for the banshee. The girl surrounded by death. The kitsune, the beta with anger issues, I came for Void Stiles. That's the pack I want. Unfortunately, it doesn't include Scott.

What we see here is something which may be regarded as a fundamental difference in Theo and Scott's understanding of what the pack and friendship as the force that binds it means. Scott's understanding of friendship has its roots in the concept that Aristotle called vera amicitia or amicitia perfecta, a 'disinterested friendship', where the well-being of the others is of primary concern, and he is ready to make sacrifices he considers necessary (for example, his willingness to join Deucalion's pack of Alphas, knowing that there might be no way out of it once he agrees). Meanwhile Theo regards the pack mostly in terms of power and safety, where the element of friendship is non-existent. In his speech, he emphasizes only traits which are mostly viewed as negative, which is very revealing when it comes to his understanding of the world and its rules. He genuinely believes that removing Scott from his position as the pack leader is for the greater good; to him, friendship, love and caring that constitute the basis of Scott's pack are all weaknesses. This is the result of his formative years spent under the 'care' of The Dread Doctors and the values instilled in him, which are the exact opposite of what Scott believes in. Theo views the pack and leadership through the lens of utilitarianism, "to the exclusion of the pursuit of virtue and commitment to the good" (French, Gosling and Case, 2009), which is the complete opposite of what Scott believes in. He knows the Doctors' main goal – unleashing of the Beast of Gevaudan – and wants to get out alive; his main goal is survival. It is worth mentioning that he also operates from the point of a deeply rooted inferiority complex ("I'm not even a real werewolf"). Therefore he believes that what guarantees him survival and safety is securing his position as the leader of a pack by fear and control instead of mutual trust and loyalty.

This perspective raises the question of the degree to which he can be held responsible for his actions. I tend to disagree both with the view according to which Theo is considered only a victim, as well as the one which considers him only a "bad guy" without taking into consideration all the mitigating circumstances surrounding the way he was raised. We all act according to the values imprinted in us in early childhood, which shape the lens through which we view the world. Therefore, I deeply disagree with the view that Theo 'deserved' whatever happened to him. Of course, he does have the ability to make choices, and it doesn't excuse the bad ones he made (for example killing Josh and Tracy). However from his perspective, all the choices he made were necessary for both his survival and his attempts to feel whole, to be a real person instead of an artificial construct he perceives himself to be.

How does this relate to theory I mentioned above, which considers betrayal not only a fundamental part of human experience, but an inherent element of friendship, which in fact inevitably precedes it instead of outside force that disrupts it? Well, at this point it became obvious to me that this is exactly how Theo perceives the world. According to James Hillman and his reflections on betrayal as viewed through the myth of the Garden of Eden, betrayal is a natural and necessary stage in the „unfolding‟ of human consciousness (Hillman, 1975, in: French, Gosling and Case, 2009). Through betrayal, our real self is born, as it was depicted in the myth of the fall of Eden, in which the "death" described in Genesis – „of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die‟ (Genesis 2:16) – means the death of illusions that we as human beings like to hide behind, for example perceiving people as either good or bad without understanding that humans are complex beings with different motivations and initial circumstances that formed them. In the case of Theo, he was already put at a deep disadvantage comparing to the rest of the pack members and had no chance to develop positive and healthy values and coping mechanisms that would enable him to earn what he desired instead of taking it by force, which was the only way he knew for his whole life. Again, that doesn't in any way negate traumas and hardships the other members of the pack went through, neither excuses Theo's behavior and the choices he made. I'm simply pointing out the factors that were a huge part of why he did what he did.

Now, let's get back to Scott. It's interesting to me that Scott, despite the fact that this view of the world and the values he believes in are very different than Theo's, seems to understand his motivations, at least to some degree:

Scared people do things you wouldn't believe. (season 6, episode 12)

Life can’t ever be all bad or all good. You know, eventually, things have to come back to the middle. (season 5, episode 1)

Especially the second quote (regression to the mean theory) is interesting, because to some degree it agrees with Hillman's theory about betrayal being the necessary part of evolving human consciousness and the 'death' of illusions that humanity develops to avoid facing uncomfortable truths about themselves (such as Stiles rejecting the 'shadow' part of himself which then manifests as the Nogitsune). Scott's deeply empathetic and caring nature explain his enormous ability to forgive things that most people would consider unforgivable, which is reflected in the scene of his death:

SCOTT: They're not like you. They never will be.

THEO: Because I'm a Chimera? Because I'm not a real werewolf?

SCOTT: Because you're barely even human.

Barely even human. Even in his darkest moment, as he is dying at the hands of his former close friend and now his greatest enemy, Scott refuses to fully dehumanize Theo. He doesn't call him a monster. He doesn't hurl insults towards him. He still considers him a person. In fact, he never in the course of the whole show acts hostile towards Theo or mistreats him, not even once, although he would have plenty of reasons. The main emotion he expresses towards Theo is deep disappointment. He doesn't even express regret in having trusted Theo. He decides to trust him again by sending him with Mason to the tunnels and by asking him to get to the hospital to take care of his friends, which – if this trust was misplaced – could have serious consequences.

Although perspective on betrayal as a fundamental part of human nature inevitably connected to friendship may seem somewhat pessimistic, it may also seem the opposite. "In our heart of hearts, we carry both experiences together: they coexist, so that if one is dominant, the other is always present as a 'shadow' (French, Gosling and Case, 2009)". From that perspective, we can understand the necessity of forgiveness more deeply and be ready to work on and develop our ability to forgive, which can in time become our greatest strength instead of our greatest weakness. Just like in case of Scott McCall, who – by forgiving the unforgivable – made his enemy, the man who betrayed him, turned his friends against him and murdered him, into his trusted ally.

#teen wolf #teen wolf meta #theo raeken #scott mccall #text post #long post #meta #tw meta

43 notes · View notes

frobin · 3 years

Note

Hi! Ok, I know it isn't very related to Frobin (except if you decide to mention them in the answer), but I am curious about your opionion on this thing. If the end of One Piece have someone of the Straw Hat crew that can die, who can be? OBVIOUSLY I hope nobody, that this thing doesn't happen, but never say never. There're people who say Luffy to recreate Roger's connection. Someone else Usop (but I miss the reason). Or Jinbe, who has also some problems and enemies from previous experiences?

Hey there anon!

No worries about asking questions. This is a FRobin blog but it's also a One Piece blog so it's fine to ask all kind of questions about One Piece. Even though I wouldn't consider myself much of an *expert* so everything I write is very much influenced by my own impressions.

But you're asking for my opinion anyway so that disclaimer is not necessary in this case. XD

---

Okay, first of all: I'm no fan of death flags. I never see them and when I read about them I feel like people pull them out of nowhere.

So I don't think any of the Strawhats will die before or even while the big end fight. Also it's not like they will reach their goal and then just drop dead (don't forget the dream are very different too but more about that later). Like what kind of life would that be?

Also we can't forget that Oda still believes he is writing this story for 14 year old boys. So, even though death is and will be a theme I don't think he will kill off the main crew.

That would not be very clever story wise and is not how to tell a story about adventure and fulfilling dreams for young boys.

Right now it's very "fashionable" to let characters die for shock value. But the more it's done the more annoying it becomes and less of a shock and Oda won't stoop so low to use this kind of element. Why do I think that?

So far we had three deaths in OP and they all shocked us a lot. But they were also used as motivator for other characters. Whitebeards death was a motivator for a whole new Generation of pirates, as well as his crew to try to save Ace and his little brother. Ace's death was a launch of character development for Luffy, Sabo, Garp and even Sengoku and probably more. Pedros death was a motivator for Carrot and other Minks. (Even the fake death of Pell was a huge motivator for Vivi. Interestingly compared to other deaths his sacrifice did not stop the war, which would have been an adequate impact. So him coming back alive actually makes sense.)

But look how few and far between they are. Of course there was more death but the important ones are kept as those.

Why am I talking about that? Who would benefit from a Strawhats death?

Literally no one. They are all already motivated to go until the end for each other. It's more likely that a death would cause Luffy to just give up, him becoming catatonic again.

Who would Luffy fight for if he even loses one of his crew mates? Or maybe two?

If I were a Marine I would try to make Luffy think that his friends are dead and then catch him but that is beside the point.

But for One Piece, a Strawhat death it would not move the story further. There is no additional motivator needed and that would be the only reason to kill one of the crew.

Killing a Strawhat makes no sense in my opinion.

A death would only make sense after they reached their goal.

So it is possible that we see the Strawhats die but long after the story came to an end, them reaching Laugh Tale (if that is the end). And yes, I think all of them will die of natural causes and/or sickness. Most of them at an old age. I think Luffy, Zoro or Usopp being the firsts because of the trauma their bodies had endured would make most sense.

I hope that answered your question anon... and anyone who does not want to read even more about my nonsense can stop here.

But let me break down why I think that all Strawhats have plot armor against death flags, behind the read-more.

-> It is very important that I think the huge clash with the Blackbeard Pirates, which will be the end fight, will happen right before Laugh Tale. And Laugh Tale is the end-goal and the end of the main story. (I MIGHT BE WRONG!!!)<-

Everyones own story can only end after they reached their goal so let's look why I think that these dreams give the Strawhats Plot Armor.

Luffy: Become the king of the pirates. That means he has to reach Laugh Tale. I often hear that Luffy will die early because of the parallel to Roger. That does not mean he won't reach his 40s or 50s. Even after reaching Laugh Tale Roger lived a bit longer and even had time to "make a child" so, killing off Luffy in the end fight makes no sense. So maybe dying after the fight, on Laugh Tale? That could happen and would be the earliest death of any Strawhat imo.

Zoro: Become the strongest sword fighter. That means he still has to kill Mihawk. I don't think Mihawk will go and look for Zoro. So, Zoro has to survive and then return to Mihawk and have his duel. No sense in killing off Zoro. I am 100% sure that he will survive until then.

Nami: Drawing a world map. For that Nami has to travel the world many times more. After they reached Laugh Tale, Nami has only finished part of her dream. She has to visit all of the Blues, travel the Grand Line and the New world multiple times. Drawing a Map of the world will take a lifetime. Her dream will take the longest to be fulfilled.

Usopp: Become the great warrior of the sea. Now here we have a dream that is not really tangible. Usopp will be a great warrior as soon as he realises that he is one. In my opinion he already managed to become a great warrior. Time and time again he has shown how amazing he is but this is all about his own self image and so hard to grasp. This actually makes Usopp the most likely to have a death flag BUT we can't forget that he still has to return home and tell his stories to Kaya and the Usopp pirates. It's part of a promise that is only secondary but for me it's enough to think Usopp too is safe until he did that.

Sanji: To find the All Blue. Sanji thinks that the All Blue is something physical. We can't know that and if it is physical we can consider that it's maybe a part of the New World near the Red Line where all seas somehow come together. So again, until Sanji found that place he hasn't fulfilled his dream. And since I think that would be BEHIND Laugh Tale, again I think Sanji is safe. Alternatively the All Blue is just a metaphor for something completely different but I can't hink about what.

Chopper: To cure all illness. Here too, this is something that takes time. Chopper is still only at the beginning of his career of being a doctor. Finding a magical cure for every illness that exists is not something that just happens. Logically he would need to talk with many other medical experts and together they might be able to find it. When and how and if that happens is impossible to say but again that would be something that would fit best in the time after reaching Laugh Tale.

Robin: To find the truth of the void century. Right now we figure that she will find that at the end of their travel, on Laugh Tale. Maybe it will happen earlier in case the Strawhats storm the World Government. Either way she will learn the truth. But that will not be the end to her. After learning the truth it's up to Robin to bring it to the world, to write it down, to teach, to make people understand that they can't erase history and that they have to learn from it. Again, that is something that takes time and so, truly fulfilling her dream.

Franky: To travel the world in the ship of his dreams. Again that is a vague dream. But it would mean to at least return to Water Seven, so that Sunny has traveled the world once. But even then it's only been a small part of the world and traveling the world would mean to visit at least every of the seas. So far, Sunny had been in two to four, depending on how much you take the movies into account. But to fulfill Franky's dream he needs to survive a bit longer and so does Sunny.

Brook: To meet Laboon again. This is simple. But for that Brook has to reach the end of the New World and then get over the Red Line again. What he will do after that is hard to tell. But again, the Red Line is behind Laugh Tale and so I'm sure Brook too, has to survive... even though he is already dead YOHOHO!

Jinbe: Equality between merfolk and humans. Again this is something that is no easy feat and will probably take more than one generation. Also it is not only up to him and more to Shirahoshi and the World Government. This dream is about teamwork too, but who could be a better ambassador for the merfolk than him? Losing Jinbe would be a huge backfire for the cause. Jinbe too is safe in my opinion. If you have reached the end of the post, let me tell you again my headcanon about FRobin: After the main adventure Franky and Robin return to Water Seven where Franky helps to turn W7 into a boat and after that is done, they travel to the island where Ohara used to be and there they rebuild the island. More people return and it again becomes a hub for scholars and history.

#Not FRobin #One Piece meta #One Piece Fandom #One Piece Theory #One Peace Death Flag #Long Post #Text #Some Frobin at the end #ask #Meta #In my opinion no Strawhat will die #kon

26 notes · View notes

w1ndrunn3rblog · 3 years

Text

If Blizzard Really Wanted To Acknowledge Loyalists, They Could Have Done

The more I think about it, there is no real reason why Blizzard could not have acknowledged us Loyalists in ‘Shadowlands’ beyond more than a token one-liner in the Ardenweald campaign. All they had to do was spend a little more time implementing a unique quest chain where the Loyalists could actually help Sylvanas in the background, but where it ultimately would not affect how the chain ended (i.e. the raid fight) or the overarching narratives. That way, there would be no reason where they could use the excuse “We had to wrap this up in BFA” or “The story has already been decided and planned in advance”. This secondary Loyalist quest chain would affect none of the main campaign everybody does, it would simply be interwoven into the main quest chain where the Loyalists are simply working with Sylvanas ‘behind the scenes’.

Imagine it – after choosing your Covenant, you get a unique quest pop into your log to meet with Sylvanas in the Maw, and there she tells you that she still recognises you as the Loyalist you were in BFA and as somebody who is still worthy of her trust. She tells you that as you continue to work with your Covenant and establish their trust, she and her Val’kyr will keep a close eye on your progress and call on you from time to time to disrupt their progress. As such, as you progress through the stages of your Covenant campaign you will often get additional quests at different stages from Sylvanas to do this. For example – if you are Kyrian, you could get a quest to meet with Devos and Sylvanas to find out information about when the next Kyrian will be ascended. Sylvanas explains that the Kyrian must be stopped from bolstering their ranks with new devout Ascended to prevent them from interfering in her plans. As such, she sends you on a reconnaissance spy mission and question Paragons and Hands for clues, then feed this back to Devos and Sylvanas, and Sylvanas commands Devos to destroy the Crest of Ascension. As such, then this would then lead into the cinematic where Devos appears and destroys the Crest, but only Loyalists would get this. How did Devos know? Because Sylvanas trusted us to make it happen. Ultimately, it changes nothing because the Crest is still repaired and Blizzard’s original narrative and quest chain remain unchanged. But what is important, is that you as a Loyalist are still recognised and trusted as such by Sylvanas to support her and trust her in turn, just as you always have done from the day you started playing. More importantly, you would still feel valid and acknowledged by Blizzard. You would not be made to feel utterly ghosted, forgotten, and guilt-tripped into ever supporting her in the first place. You would not get that jarring abrupt feeling of entering the Shadowlands expansion and, for no reason at all, suddenly being against your Queen and Warcheif and for her in turn to have completely forgotten about you…all after defending her for 18 months.

Stepping forward into 9.1, the same structure would continue. Every so many quests into the overarching campaign you will meet with Sylvanas, she will ask for your support in disrupting the Death’s Advance, helping Helya etc. all while explaining why your interventions are so critical to her mission, thus giving us further insight into her goddamn motivations which we still know nothing about. Again, your interventions will ultimately not be enough to hold off the Death’s Advance, and the raid still takes place as Blizzard scheduled, but you will again feel you have truly supported your Queen as best you can and that she still considers you her most devoted confidante and Champion.

So why could have Blizzard easily done this without much extra expense or time? Because they have done it before – this is exactly what they did in BFA with the war campaign, and that was even while the expansion was already out. So if they could find time to throw in an entire additional quest chain (or at least tweak the original one) for Loyalists in the live game, they sure could have found the time to implement one before an expansion even launches. So with time, cost, and disruption to the narrative not being reasons that Blizzard could draw upon, this leaves only one (most likely) reason for not giving this acknowledgement – because they did not want to. In my estimation it’s either that they straight up do not care, or they view us as insignificant and in the minority and therefore are not even worth the effort. But regardless of the more specific reasons, I believe that Blizzard most certainly could have done if they cared enough for us Loyalists. The fact that they did not even consider implementing some consideration for us simply tells me that they did not care how we felt. They did not seem to care for all the hundreds of thousands of fans who have identified with, supported, and related with Sylvanas for the past 18 years suddenly having all allegiances instantly cut off and disregarded as though they meant nothing. By extension, this absence of Loyalist content also shows to me just how out of touch Blizzard have always been with Sylvanas herself and her fanbase. They honestly believe that after villain-batting her relentlessly for two years throughout BFA that every fan would ditch all that history and faith in her at the drop of a hat for the sake of a selfish, traitorous, orc meme no questions asked. They really seem to believe we would all be dumb enough to see through their most blatant of blatant character assassination campaigns. And as they genuinely believe that, and they genuinely believe that a majority of their player base bought into their campaign, then they have no reason to believe that her fans are even worth their time. This is why they did nothing for us.

Blizzard could have acknowledged us, they could have accepted their villainising was not the successful narrative achievement they believed it was, they would have recognised that her fans are more devoted that they naively assumed and that they actually hurt us with their deliberately divisive antics. But that would mean admitting they fucked up. If there is one thing Blizzard never do when it comes to character stories, it’s admitting they ruined a character. And that my fellow Loyalists, is the real reason we got nothing.

#sylvanas deserved better #blizzard failed #loyalists unite

20 notes · View notes

llvr-92 · 3 years

Text

DGM Pairing - LaviLena - Part 2

it takes so much time but here is the second part of why Lavi deserves Lenalee the most & why I think Hoshino sensei setting them up as a couple, I hope you enjoy this post. also, you can find part1 under LaviLena tag in my blog:

Part2:Noah's Ark Arc:

· So we started this arc with Lenalee getting sucked by Lero into the “Noah’s Ark”, as everyone falls on top of her she was unconscious the first person to go to her & pick her-up is Lavi, just look how he is protectively\closely holding her. (CH90- EP76).

· As they were fighting Debito & Jedero, Lavi told Allen to protect Lenalee and the other “Chouji” until he found the real key (CH100 – EP82).

· After that the crew leaves Krory behind Lenalee wanted to go back to him, Allen stopped her & kind of share a cute Allena moment but Lavi has to ruin it for them, Lavi is probably jealous of how Allen is holding her & how close his face to Lena face isn’t he?. (CH105-EP83).

· Allen was helping Lenalee to climb the stair he is holding her hand and then Lavi commented that “he wants to switch place with Allen”, Allen reply was “your real motivate is so obvious Lavi, he just wants to hold Lenalee’s hand”, After Lenalee letting her thought out loud, Lavi teased her about never finding a lover if she “didn’t think more sexy thought”, which makes her angry & replied to him “its none of your business Lavi” & Lavi’s answer was “it’s none of my business but…”, Lavi seems so lost to put any other word as he was also blushing & frustrated so he had to change the subject, from the way Hoshino sensei drew this scene I think it will return in the future arc you can see Lenalee noticing Lavi blushing toward her in the below right panel with a “?”, maybe she will have a flashback related to this scene in the future. (CH110 – EP84).

· After receiving the bad news about Kanda & Krory, Lenalee was terrified\worried but Lavi reaches out to her squeezed her hand & told her to get a hold of herself, at this point “I love how Lavi knows her personality & how will she react then he just act accordingly to comfort her. (CH111-EP85).

· Lenalee & Chouji are Locked-up, Lavi is the one to fight to free these two & manly to free Lenalee you can see Lenalee apologizing for Lavi as this fight is on away for her sake. (CH112).

· Lavi is shifted into Road dream world, but what Road exactly used to prepare the worst opponent for Lavi, worst dream by reading his record & peering into his memory, his opponent was his former self “Deak” & an interesting conversation started between the two\bookman, this is the important dialogue stated between the two:

· Deak to Lavi “the place of your heart doesn’t exist in this world, no matter whose heart let you in you can only watch them that’s is your punishment”, after this dialogue Lavi reply “I already know that” which is incorrect he doesn’t know as Deak answered him I wonder? Then it just happens that Lenalee appears in the next panel with this text “your eyes of the past were never lit with that weak light” as if it indicated that “Lenalee is currently Lavi’s light” (CH114-EP86).

§ But let's not forget Road real purpose is to break him mentally & for that she used Lenalee by sending her inside a coffin knowing how Lavi will react, perhaps after reading Lavi memories/record she discovers Lavi feelings for Lenalee which at this point “Lavi himself still doesn’t know his feeling yet”.

§ After he saw Lenalee he jumped & rushed to her side & he holds her closely “just take a look at how Hoshino sensei drew Lavi facial expression, how much he is so terrified”, also didn’t Lavi said a while ago this is just a dream/an illusion created by Road Kamelot yet he reacted this way toward a fake Lenalee “Lavi just can’t think rationally when it’s involving Lena” (CH114-EP86).

· We had a flashback when Lavi first joined the order & his first meeting with Lenalee, again Hoshino-sensei choice for drawing Lavilena encounter is too beautiful, first, she gives us an overall view from the top just to showcase “there are a lot of people on the area”, but Lavi’s eyes set on Lenalee & on the same time Lenalee look at him while crying. “it’s like this is a girl & a boy encounter by fate, Lavi was so far away, yet they look at each other in the same time.

also regarding his encounter with Lenalee I believe it’s related to an answer which Lavi provided in the discussion room here is the question “Does Lavi have a thing for a cute girl with big breast” Allen answered “he’s a menace”, where Lavi had to stop him and answered “Hey, hold on! People think I only care about looks, but I'm pretty picky about personality too, “sometimes you see a girl and it just hit you” & just after this question Lavi stated that he is interested in Lenalee.

We also seen Lenalee sitting beside him in the cafeteria, she looks comfortable with him even though he is a newbie she even pats his back.

· After breaking Lavi mentally Deak takes over his body, a fight started with Allen, Lavi was ruthless & powerful as the last hope Allen used “Lenalee is crying” hoping to influence Lavi emotionally & bring him to his sense, but why “Allen used Lenalee name, perhaps he knows that Lavi has a feeling for her, he is weak against her tears? “I will write about this in part 3”, anyway instead of influencing Lavi positively, it seems that “Lenalee name triggered him to punch Allen even harder, “just look at Deak gaze when Allen mentioned Lena name”.

why he seems pissed? This is just an assumption but “as Deak is the one taking over, he was furious because the reason why Lavi is changing is Lenalee, he knows Lavi is falling for her isn’t he? otherwise why using Lenalee as the main person to break his heart on Road dream, why Lenalee is one to appear in the flashback, why he is trying so hard to convince Lavi “she is nothing more than a small piece of history?”, falling for her will interfere with Lavi recording as he stated while Lavi’s holding Lenalee “don’t let your heart distract you & interfere with your record”, meaning whatever Bookman clan trying to achieve is at risk as we saw “Lavi breaking his bookman role multiple time for Lenalee sake on the previous arc, this arc & the upcoming arc as well.

· Then Road stated something important I do think this will also be used on Lavi’s arc “if we ever reach there hopefully” once he becomes the bookman, which is “bookman are just onlookers for the sake of his record, he just walked alongside you guy” “those are that kid’s true feeling, you notice that Hoshino sensei put the text on Lenalee panel, even the anime version when Road said those words the frames were on Lenalee”

first, you see how these words affected Lenalee just look at how Hoshino-sensei draws Lenalee eyes she looks broken/desperate “Perhaps for the first time Lenalee was terrified from Lavi as a person”. after Lavi burned himself, Lenalee was also desperately hitting her leg wanting to save Lavi but unfortunately she didn’t have her innocence, once Allen & Lavi are out from the petrified fire she goes to “Lavi first”, instead of sharing a touchy moment, she gives him her Iron fist of love, but why Lenalee punch him in the first place I know Lavi was reckless, but it’s the same for Allen he was reckless against Tiki he didn’t get a punch, you may call me a biased but “Lenalee punching Lavi seems an act a girlfriend will do when the boyfriend had done risky thing & it’s a different vibe from when she hits Allen in the next chapter ”.

· Lavi lent his coat to Lenalee as she was revealing to much skin, just look how cute she is on Lavi’s coat, also isn’t Lavi acting like he is the perfect boyfriend, not to forget he showed a proactive side toward Lenalee being in a room with the womanizer Cross he had to rush to her with the other boys. “Lenalee are you sure he didn’t do anything to you?”

· Personally, this arc was my favorite because I got attached to Lavi’s background & his suffering, I also know on this Arc that Lavi is hopelessly in love with Lenalee & not to mention through the years Lavi changed his name 48 times and all the previous persona are the same but Lavi differ before he was disappointed on the human race, didn’t get attached to anyone, he was only concentrating on recording, but all that changes once he encounters Lenalee, Lenalee changed him, did Lenalee changes Allen persona in any way? I don’t think so, we all know what motivates Allen it’s his promise to mana, so I do hope she gives Lavi a chance, but also Hoshino sensei put some elements which make this ship Impossible to Happen, which make me ship them more T_T.

· I will be happy to receive any feedback positive or negative are all welcomed, BTW Part three is already finished I just need to do the final revision, but I haven’ really thought that it would be the longest one ^_^, what you all think shall I tried to delete some part or keep it long as it’s, I mean I have put extra thing such as why I support this ship, what I hate about it, my point of view about Hoshino sensei writing, an example from different Manga related to couple-endgame…..ETC.

#dgm #dgm pairing #D.Gray-Man #Lenalee Lee #lavi bookman #lavi x lenalee #lavilena #otp

60 notes · View notes

linkspooky · 3 years

Note

To be fair, Deku saw his friend's brother trying to kill him, so it's only natural that he doesn't care about Dabi's situation /trauma. Something like "at least Endeavor isn't trying to kill my friend"

Okay, this is an OPINION. Please read it as an opinion.

To be fair, anon. I don’t think anybody is criticizing Deku for trying to save his friend. Obviously, at the moment Deku’s first response would be to stop Dabi from trying to kill Shoto because he knows Shoto personally and cares about him.

This is just my reading and interaction with fandom, but the two 2 complaints with Deku’s remark seem to be this.

1) It’s incredibly tone-deaf. In the same vein as Best Jeanist’s argument. Best Jeanist is arguing that Dabi shouldn’t go public with his accusations because faith in heroes is already wavering. Deku is arguing that Enji is doing better right now, so he Dabi shouldn’t bring up the past again. Both of them are essentially trying to silence Dabi without even addressing what his actual argument is. Yes, Dabi is a villain who murders people but let’s imagine this is a normal situation. Let’s say that Endeavor was a film producer who had used his money and position in society to beat up a woman. That woman came clean about how the film producer was beating her. You’d want to see them at least fired, right? Dabi isn’t saying that Endeavor’s abuse of him gives him liscense to kill whoever he wants, he’s saying that Endeavor shouldn’t be held up as a hero after what he did, and the society that tries to silence his abuse is also complicit in that same abuse.

The reason to make that case of abuse a matter of public opinion, in that case, is to PREVENT that person from using their money and power to both commit and get away with abuse. Dabi’s argument isn’t that Endeavor abused him so he should get to murder people. That’s not even close to what Dabi’s arguing. Dabi is arguing that Endeavor should not have a position and status in society as a hero considering that he’s used his wealth and connections in the past to abuse his own family. It doesn’t really matter if Endeavor is acting better now. You don’t re-elect a politician who was arrested for taking bribes. Endeavor’s current position as the number one hero requires the silence of all of his victims.

What Dabi is saying is that the current hero system protects it’s own. If Endeavor is number one, if he has all of that power, then he should be held to a standard above others. But he’s not. The primary interest of the hero system as it is currently is keeping heros in power and in the dominant force in society. Do you know why we know this? It’s literally what Best Jeanist says. We can’t afford to hear this expose on endeavor right now because society is doubting heroes already. Hero society will put protecting heroes high in priority than even protecting the families, or victims of said heroes.

Dabi’s not actually just talking about his personal case, he’s making a systemic argument. The argument he brings up is, if heroes are given so much power in society then shouldn’t they have an equal amount of regulation? Shouldn’t there be someone holding them responsible for all the power they wield? If there was someone holding them responsible, then what happened to Dabi never would have even happened. Enji intentionally manipulated the system in his own favor, to get his way. He didn’t get away with it because he was a good hero, he got away with it because he used money and power to hush it up. It’s a systemic argument and Deku responds with a personal one.

Deku responds with: Well, he was a good mentor to me.

Yes, that’s your personal experience with him. However, that’s not really even on topic to what Dabi is saying. Dabi is saying people who use the system in an abusive way shouldn’t even be allowed to be heroes.

To be fair again, I don’t think Deku is making this from an angle of “I think Dabi should just shut up about his abuse for the good of society.” I think when it comes to Deku’s characterization he doesn’t have the lived experience of that kind of abuse. If Deku is fifteen and therefore a kid, it makes sense he would only judge the world from his point of view. If his experiences of Endeavor are mostly positive ones it makes sense he wouldn’t really comprehend the bulk of what both Shoto and Dabi have been through.

2) Deku is a fictional character. Deku only acts as a realistic teenager as far as the author wants him to. I mean if you want to extend the argument of realism farther, then you could say it’s not realistic that a fifteen-year-old would be willing to break the bones in his body, or that it’s not realistic he’s not losing his mind from the pain of having all his limbs broken. I mean, what do fifteen-year-olds do these days sit around all day vaping? Skateboarding? Anyway, realism only extends so far. Basically, as much as Deku is his own character, he’s also a mouthpiece for the author. He’s written by someone, to say things. Therefore, the things he says have meaning.

Deku’s point of view might be mistaken. We might see him called out in later chapters. However, it’s odd to see the main character say something like “Enji is trying to be better, and you’re not” because it sounds like the author is trying to use Deku to tell us to sympathize with Enji over Dabi. I’m not even going to call it bad writing, it’s just tone-deaf. It just muddies things. We’re constantly told Deku is a character who will try to save anyone. A character with an extraordinary drive to save people against all logic.

We’ve seen in the past Deku to be completely unforgiving to abusers. He’s been also shown to have an extreme reaction to abuse. This is how he reacts to the idea of what Chisaki was doing to Eri. Using a child to experiment on her quirk again and again. That’s... a pretty strong parallel to what Enji did to his entire family. Enji’s actions even directly resulted in the death, either by suicide or training accident of his child Toya.

So it’s not just like “of course Deku would want to save his friend from his murderous older brother”, beyond that it’s just written in a way that muddles Deku’s character motivation. Like just for example, does Deku consider Dabi worthy of the second chance he’s willing to offer Enji? What’s different in that case? What is forgivable and not forgivable? And before any of you say Enji shows a desire to improve himself while Dabi wallows in his own guilt, Dabi’s been like... legally dead and probably homeless for about ten years while Endeavor was rich and secure in his position in society. They’re not... they’re not at the same starting line. Either way, it’s weird, Deku would sympathize with Endeavor and cut off all sympathy for Dabi, considering he at least has taken a strong stance against abuse before. There’s either an in-character reason behind why he’s doing this, which means it’s written as an intentional character flaw or the framing is sloppy.

(Framing being, using characters and their reactions to events in the story as a guide to show how we’re supposed to react to an event in the story. For example if a character does a bad, often their friends will call them out or say ‘you did a bad thing’ to make it clear we’re not supposed to sympathize with that character at the moment. A story is a painting, and the frame around it draws attention to certain aspects. The frame emphasizes.).

Dabi even says it’s weird not to pity him. Dabi is the direct action of Endeavor’s abuse. Isn’t it sad, that this little kid who just wanted to be a hero was burned alive at some point?

Just to talk about how it’s written in this case, I think Jujutsu Kaisen does a better job of showing the main character thinking t’s not okay to just lash out at random people and trying to stop them from that behavior, while at the same time recognizing the person they’re dealing with is in pain and that pain deserves to be recognized.

Junpei is a bullied kid. He starts using his powers to get back at his bullies, and also harm innocent people along the way. Yuji’s first reaction is to try to stop him.

However, in trying to learn his reasoning behind attacking both the people at his school and also his bullies, Yuji recognizes an important fact: Yuta is in pain because his mother just died yesterday. Yuji and Junpei were both fighting each other before this moment, and yes Yuji doesn’t have to listen to or understand Junpei’s reason why, but Yuji like Deku is characterized as somebody who saves people against all logic. In that moment after it becomes clear that Yuji isn’t just doing this for no good reason, but lashing out in pain, Yuji’s priorities shift. His first priority was to stop the lashing out, now his second one is to offer him a way out. He shows him that there’s a way to deal with his problems besides lashing out.

There are people willing to listen to you, there are people who can help you. Yuji doesn’t fix Junpei’s problem for him, he just shows him that there’s another way. He acknowledges that Junpei is right to want justice for whoever killed his mom, but the way he’s going about it is wrong, and he can find a better way with them together. Junpei acted this way in the first place, because he believed he couldn’t trust anybody else. He lashed out because he was dealing with the feelings of having lost his only mother literally twelve hours ago all by himself, and trying to pursue justice for her alone too.

Yuji’s response also tells Junpei he has to stop randomly lashing out at whoever he thought killed his mom, and whoever hurt him. However, he doesn’t tell Junpei that he’s wrong for feeling hurt. He doesn’t dismiss any of Junpei’s problems.

Junpei’s pain is recognized by Yuji, and he’s treated as a person and offered a way out.

Dabi is instead shut down continually by basically every hero around him, Deku, and Best Jeanist as well. He’s not offered as a way out, everyone’s response is just to try to put him down.

Yuji actually seriously thinks about how Junpei is feeling and makes a decision on how he should handle him based on those internal feelings. Yuji changes his mind a little bit midway through the fight. We don’t really see the internal reasons for why Deku thinks it’s okay to give Enji a second chance, but not extend the same chance to Dabi. To be clear I think the character of Deku is just fine, however, I would also like the story to dig deeper into his motivations. I would like to see WHY he thinks the things he does or acts the way he does. We see Yuji constantly thinking about the things Deku doesn’t think about, and my response isn’t to hate Deku. I just think Deku would be a better character if we got into his head more.

#anonymous #askspookies

83 notes · View notes

esmeraldablazingsky · 4 years

Text

I’ve finally hit my limit on the number of bad takes on the Lan parents I can see before I have to lay out all the reasons I disagree, so hello, I’m Blazie, and in this essay I will justify my visceral dislike of the assumption that Qingheng-jun married/imprisoned/had sex with Lan-furen against her will.

Warning for mentions of rape (in context of Interpretations I Really Hate) and a very, VERY long post below the cut.

Before I start going off about the finer points of all this, I want to make sure people are on the same page regarding what we actually know about what went down with Qingheng-jun and Lan-furen. What I say is based off the EXR translation of MDZS, for the sake of clarity, and although I don’t think the exact wording should be too important, feel free to let me know if you think I’ve missed an important bit of nuance or something (the whole story is in Chapter 64.)

The story we get is told by Lan Xichen, and it goes like this: a young Qingheng-jun falls in love at first sight with Lan-furen, who doesn’t return his feelings, and at some point kills one of Qingheng-jun’s teachers over unspecified “grievances.” Although he’s understandably very upset over the murder, Qingheng-jun sneaks Lan-furen back to Cloud Recesses and officially marries her in order to announce to his clan that anyone who wants to hurt her has to go through him.

After that, he locks Lan-furen in one house and himself in another as a form of repentance. Wei Wuxian speculates that this was because “he could neither forgive the one who killed his teacher nor watch the death of the woman who he loved. He could only marry her to protect her life and force himself not to see her.”

A central detail of this story that I think people don’t give the import it deserves is that aside from marrying and protecting her, Qingheng-jun’s other option was to let Lan-furen be executed by his clan. His purpose in marrying her wasn’t just for kicks/out of a possessive sort of love, it was so she wouldn’t straight up die. How she felt about this arrangement isn’t stated, but I’ll get into that in a bit. In addition to that, Qingheng-jun and Lan-furen live separately, which was apparently purposeful on Qingheng-jun’s part, and runs counter to the interpretation that he intended to take sexual advantage of Lan-furen.

Though there aren’t many concrete details in Lan Xichen’s retelling, he does specifically inform Wei Wuxian that his mother never complained about remaining in her house. What exactly this signifies is unclear— whether she was simply putting on a brave face for her sons, or whether she was in fact at all content with the situation— but it at the very least serves to further muddy the waters on how she and Qingheng-jun felt about all this.

Beyond what Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian are saying out loud, there’s also quite a bit of subtext in this scene, especially in light of later events and revelations, like Lan Xichen’s confession for Lan Wangji at Guanyin Temple.

So what is Lan Xichen trying to convey with all this? There’s a lot of memes about this scene, most of which err too far on the side of Himbo Airhead Lan Xichen for my liking, but one that I do find amusing emphasizes how Lan Xichen draws parallels between Wangxian and the story of his parents (Lan Xichen: [flute solo] please use your one brain cell to connect the dots.) If Wei Wuxian hadn’t completely lost his memory of Lan Wangji defending him against his own clan elders, one would assume that Lan Xichen’s story would have had a much better chance of hitting home.

In hindsight and side by side, the parallels are much clearer— Qingheng-jun, “ignoring the objections from his clan… told everyone in the clan that she would be his wife for the rest of his life, that whoever wanted to harm her would have to pass through him first.” Similarly, according to Lan Xichen in Chapter 99, “for [Wei Wuxian,] not only did WangJi talk back to him, he even met with his sword the cultivators from the GusuLan Sect. He heavily injured all thirty-three of the seniors we asked to come.”

In that context, it makes a lot less sense to interpret Qingheng-jun as an aggressor towards Lan-furen, as in Lan Wangji’s case, the narrative clearly establishes that his actions are to secure Wei Wuxian’s safety. The action of Taking Someone Back To Cloud Recesses is— okay, actually, it’s a little more nuanced than I took into account when I started writing that sentence, so let me go a little deeper into Lan Wangji’s actions and how they relate to his father’s, story-wise.

My intent is not to dive into the terrifying underworld of novel-versus-drama discourse, but simply put, Novel!Lan Wangji as he is written isn’t exactly the poster child for clear consent. (I’m going to entirely leave off the extra chapters for the sake of everyone’s sanity, so I’m just talking about the main body of the novel here.)

He means well, and I’m sure we can agree that he does actually love and want the best for Wei Wuxian, but his lack of communication on this point means that he accidentally gives Wei Wuxian the impression that he wants to imprison and/or punish him in Cloud Recesses at least twice off the top of my head (pre-timeskip, as we know, and post-timeskip immediately after Dafan Mountain when he actually drags Wei Wuxian back to his room.)

That all likely has something to do with MXTX’s narrative kinks and regular kinks and all that, and can absolutely be taken with many grains of salt. However, these events establish how easy it is to misinterpret the action of Taking Someone Back To Gusu as an attempt to imprison rather than protect them (much to Lan Wangji’s chagrin.)

Failing to communicate his purpose to Wei Wuxian doesn’t mean that Lan Wangji actually had any intent of hurting or caging him— that was just a misinterpretation on Wei Wuxian’s part, and we, as the audience, find that out in due time— but as written in the novel, it can be really uncomfortable to read. Because of that, many people choose to accept CQL canon regarding Lan Wangji’s more possessive actions or mix characterization from different adaptations, which, to be clear, I completely understand and respect.

However, Qingheng-jun doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt as often, which I frankly find baffling, because nowhere in the text does it state that Lan-furen objected to being taken back to Cloud Recesses, while even Wei Wuxian clearly objected the first few times. In fact, while we’re on this note, I’ll take it a step farther— I find it baffling that people seem to default to an unsympathetic view of Qingheng-jun, because nowhere in the text does it state that he overruled Lan-furen’s wishes in any way. The text doesn’t clarify a lot of things, actually, and that is part of the point.

The narrators of MDZS are, in many situations, highly unreliable. This is, presumably, very purposeful! MDZS can easily be read as a sharp criticism of reputation and mass judgment and the concept of condemning people without knowing their motives! And I don’t want to sound mean, but guys… did any of us learn anything from that? Here, I’m going to put it in meme format for a second to convey what I mean.

MDZS: It’s easy to condemn someone as a villain if you don’t know their story or the reasons behind their actions

MDZS: Anyway, here’s a character whose story and reasons behind his actions you know nothing about

Some Parts Of This Fandom: Ah, a villain

Memes aside, here’s what I want to point out. It’s entirely possible to assume Qingheng-jun was a bad person who disregarded a woman’s wishes in marrying and confining her when all you have is Lan Xichen’s (actually very neutral, thank you Lan Xichen for being an eminently reasonable and concerned-with-evidence character) account of what happened. It would also be at least that easy to assume Wei Wuxian was just an evil necromancer if he hadn’t un-died and brought his own story to light, or even to believe that Lan Wangji had somehow tamed Wei Wuxian into submission and being a respectable cultivator if you were an average citizen of Fantasy Ancient China with nothing but rumors to operate on.

The thing about Qingheng-jun and Lan-furen’s story, then, is that there is nobody left alive who knows the full tale. Nobody knows what they thought about anything, really. Nobody even knows why Lan-furen killed Qingheng-jun’s teacher. Wei Wuxian asks why, and Lan Xichen can’t tell him, but I think the best answer would be something along the lines of I don’t know, Wei Wuxian, why did you kill people? Your guess on the motivations of your own thinly disguised narrative parallel are as good as anyone’s.

So, while it’s not technically impossible to assign darker motives to Qingheng-jun, the cautionary tale of MDZS seems to warn against that exact assumption.

I’ve refrained from getting too salty on a personal level thus far, but now that I’ve said a lot of the more logical and story-based points of my argument, I will say that at least some of my annoyance with the interpretation of Qingheng-jun as a possessive rapist and Lan-furen as his victim stems from the fact that I just think it’s straight up boring. Where’s the nuance? Aren’t you tired of reducing these characters to the flattest possible versions of themselves? Don’t you just want to add a little flavor?

In a slightly more serious phrasing of that criticism, I find that making Lan-furen a helpless prisoner strips her of whatever agency she might otherwise have. To be fair, she’s more or less a non-character in keeping with the general state of the MDZS universe, but making her a damsel in distress only consigns her more deeply to hapless, milquetoast innocence.

It’s perfectly valid to enjoy ladies who have done nothing wrong, ever, in their lives, but like… Qin Su is right there, if that’s your ball game. There’s also really no need to make Qingheng-jun someone who doesn’t respect women. Isn’t Jin Guangshan enough for at least one universe?

Anyway, ultimately, you do you. I don’t like arguing on the internet, and will just ignore things I don’t agree with (or write an 1800 word vaguepost) like a mature human being. I’m just saying, if it’s a cut and dry tale of imprisonment and assault you’re looking for… you probably don’t want to turn to a woman who committed a murder and a man who loved her enough to forfeit everything to keep her safe.

#mdzs #qingheng jun #madam lan #lan wangji #wei wuxian #(in a narrative parallels context)#blazie .txt #anyway without further ado here is my.... essay?#rape mention

109 notes · View notes

cthomashoodstory · 3 years

Text

Best Years but Not in the Same Way (27)

Calum Hood x Reader

Previous Part

Hi guys if you’re confused I’m pairing Calum Hood and Reader but the character is Barbara Palvin, well… this story is a spin off based on stories i made on wattpad and it’s on my local language and i moved this story to Tumblr and i wanna make this story and the main character is the reader but I’m so attached with the barbara palvin character so… just pretend that you’re barbara hehe. Enjoy!

Oh btw if you just read this part and haven’t read the entire story, i put thr masterlist link below.

Masterslist

Calum and his band were busy promoting their new single, Easier since its released two weeks ago. And you were busy with your life at studio, working for Shawn Mendes’ upcoming album that he would released in 2020.

You were at your place right now since you decided not to come to studio because today was the schedule for you to clean up your apartment and you decided to do it now.

You started cleaning up the living room. Paving away the dust with feather duster, vacuumed the carpet, sofa and also the pillow. Then you moving to the kitchen, dining room, room behind the kitchen, and last your bedroom.

It wasn’t that hard to clean up your bedroom because it basically just clean since you did it everyday.

And now it’s time for you to decluttering your wardrobe. You went through your stuffs that you put on the box. You opened the first box and you found album photos of you as a little kid. You smiled when you saw it one by one. Then you stared at the picture of you and your parents at the park somewhere. You were in the middle, your mom was on your left and your dad was on your right. Your both hand held their hands and you were smiling. Such a decent smile.

You closed the album and saw the other things, like the present that your parent bought it to you, your first drawing of you and your parents and basically it was a stuffs that reminds you of your childhood. Going through on some memories sometimes is the best thing.

Then you moved on to the next box, which was your handwriting about poetry, motivation words, quotes, some lyrics you made when you were in high school. You read it one by one and you giggled. Young Saara Palvin really had a wild imagination. How could she even wrote a lyric about love when she never felt that before? Lol.

You saw a quote you made in a special quotes book, with a fractions of cd.

(Credit to @.thetypewriterdaily on instagram)

It was so cute honestly. How could you ever made such a beautiful words like that? You took a picture of it and posted it on your Instagram feed.

You put your phone away and then you put all the stuffs back to the box and moved on to the next box, which is the recent lyric books since 2013 until present. It was actually the lyrics you made when you were dealing with your hard emotion, for example the lyric you gave to Mali when you helped her with her single, it was came from this box. Everything you wrote when you were in your hard time, and you decided not to use it, you put it in this box. There was 3 books, the book one is from 2013-2015, second book from 2016 and the last one from 2017-2018.

You looked up at the first book and it mostly my writing about love, friendship, Calum. Yes, since you became friends with him, not long enough after a ‘bad’ introduction between you and him, you started to wrote songs about love and it inspired by him. You were smiling like a crazy person because the lyric was so cheesy and cringe. You also wrote songs about your trip with the boys, it was so fun to be remembered.

Ah, the more you thinking about it, the more you feeling so happy and grateful to be friends with Michael, Luke, Ashton and Calum. You also thanked God and Mike (Posner) for made you working with Jake Sinclair.

Then you opened the second book, 2016 book, which was the darkest book you’ve ever written. It was full of cursing, bad words, and it was basically not worth to read. You know the reason. Your ex. The famous singer ex that broke your heart more than you ever counted. He really torn you apart until this book existed.

You still hated him until today for making you suffered and gone through this phase, but you slowly letting it go away. Your anger is slowly fading away because you realized that horrible moment really lead you to your recent life. You found your happiness, and now you’re happy. Then you closed the book and put it back to the box and you decided not to throw it away because that book is part of your life.

Moved on to the last book, you only found lyric that you wrote only on a paper and the rest is blank. And its title called Habitual. Oh. You remembered you wrote it for months when you were still engaged to Justin. You really took your time writing it because you wanted the song to be perfect and you’ll giving it to someone that really deserve it.

You sighed. The song is finished and yet, you didn’t gave it to anyone. You felt hurt and angry at the same time. You didn’t know why.

Then you called your long time friend, Jason Boyd aka Poo Bear. You worked with him on Justin’s Purpose album at 2015.

“Saara Palvin,” he greeted you right away. “It’s been a long time, girl. How are you?” He sounded so excited.

“I’m fine, what about you?” You asked him

He laughed. “As always, I’m healthy and good. So, what’s up Palvin?”

“Oh,” you paused. “I just opened my old notebook and i found lyric that i’ve been kept for years and i think i will past it to you.”

“Are you for real?” He sounded surprised. “I have been waiting for something from you Saara. I’m so excited for what you’ll give me.”

You laughed. “Yeah i named it habitual, and i think i made a demo somewhere. I will email you the details. And the song and the lyric are all yours and you can use it or toss it or whatever. And you don’t have to gave me any credit. It’s all yours and you’re the only one i called.”

“Thank you so much Saara. I will… i have to give you credits and I believe the song you made is amazing. Thank you again Saar.”

You hung up the call and put all the books back to the box and put it back to your wardrobe. Then you opened your laptop to find the Habitual demo you made 2 years ago.

Finally you found it and you emailed Poo Bear the demo and the lyric you convert to pdf. All the lyrics you made, use or not use, you always save it digitally and non digital. You felt relieved knowing that the song is passed to someone else and you didn’t have to keep it forever.

The next minutes Calum texted you and you ended up chatting with your boyfriend.

To be continued

Next Part

#calum hood #calum thomas hood #calum hood imagine #calum hood fanfic #calum hood x reader #calum fic #calum fanfiction #calum fanfic #calum imagine #calum 5 seconds of summer #calum 5sos #5 seconds of summer #5sos #5sos imagine #5sos fanfic #ashton irwin #michael clifford #luke hemmings

19 notes · View notes

joestarsecrettecnique · 3 years

Text

I am so very sick and tired of the toxicity that’s been poisoning the snk fandom as of the last couple years. I gave myself time to digest the ending and my feelings on it, before embarking in a journey to debunk many misconceptions and critiques I’ve seen floating in the fandom.

By the way, by no means I think this ending is perfect. I think this is textbook execution by Isayama to tie together every loose end left behind in an orderly manner, and I think that it was a bit rushed and oversimplified. I would’ve wanted more of Eren and Armin’s conversation, more of the squad realizing what his true goal had been, and some narrative choices I don’t 100% agree with. But still, what I saw in other fans’ critiques post 139 frankly appalled me, so I feel the need to make this. Also, this obviously are my own interpretations, I am not Isayama himself lol

“Ew, so Eren did pull a Lelouch after all”

No, Eren did not pull a Lelouch. While his action and the final result may seem similar, I find very different nuances between the two. Lelouch wanted for the whole world to be united in fighting against him, and thus he made himself the world’s greatest enemy. His will to turn himself into a monster was selfless. Eren didn’t give a damn about the world, he had no noble intentions whatsoever. He said it in chapter 122, his goal was to protect Paradis and, more specifically, his closest friends. He turned himself into a monster, killed 80% of human population, and endangered the lives of those very friends he wanted to protect, so that by stopping him, those friends could be safe. Eren had no intentions to break out of the cycle of hatred or unite the world against himself, he just wanted to give his friends a chance to survive, and that is not selfless, it’s selfish. Eren’s goal was incredibly selfish, and biased, and driven by his feelings instead of rationality. Nothing like Lelouch!

Now this, this I myself am not the greatest fan of. I feel like it makes that great scene in chapter 122 loose a bit of its strength, Ymir obeying the king for 2000 years just because she loved him. Honestly, I always thought there was a bit of Stockholm Syndrome going on, but I didn’t think it would be the only reason. However, like it or not, it’s undeniable that it makes perfect sense in the narrative that aot has always strived to tell. Love has been a theme strongly woven in the story, and it also draws a great parallel between Karl Fritz/Ymir and Eren/Mikasa. Ymir was a slave to her love for King Fritz, just like Mikasa was a slave to her love for Eren, in that she struggled to accept reality until the very end despite the atrocities that Eren committed. Ymir stayed bound by her love for King Fritz, until she saw Mikasa break from her own poisoned love, aknwoledge it, and kill Eren despite of it, or maybe because of it. Only Ymir knows that one, heh. But the point is, Mikasa showed Ymir that she could break free of a toxic love, she was that someone that Ymir had been waiting for to finally free her of her burden.

“What? But that makes no sense!”

Now, on my first read, I simply thought that Eren had ordered Dina to avoid eating Berthold, and that he had made her walk down that road unaware that his mother was trapped (because we know that the Attack Titan’s future memories aren’t infallible, there are still gaps), killing her indirectly. I’ve since then read some theories stating that Eren willingly killed his own mum in orther to give kid himself a reason to feel enough hatred to kickstart the whole story. Honestly, I like this version maybe more! But let me explain to you why this is not a plothole, like many people think. In this same chapter, we have Eren explaining how the Founder’s power works in synergy with the Attack’s: “There’s no past or future, they all exist at once”. This means that time travel in aot doesn’t work in a manner where Eren extracts himself from time and space, and from a separate realm he operates on the past. The way I understood it, the mechanics works kind of like Tokyo Revengers’ time travel. MInd you, I only watched episode one, so my understanding might be jackshit.

Spoilers for Tokyo Revengers’ episode one. In the show, the main character loses consciousness and finds himself reliving his past. He interacts with someone in this “new” past, and when he wakes up again in the present, past events had been over-written by the changes he made. I think this is how aot timetravel works, with the exception that, since past and future (and present, of course) all happen at once, side by side, there is no old past to be rewritten, neither a future to return to, and present Eren wouldn’t be aware of the changes that his future self would make. It creates sort of a time paradox, yes, in the sense that there’s a loop where present Eren’s mom has been eaten because future Eren, in the future, operated on the past by causing past Eren’s mom to be eaten, but all these Erens are one and the same, as all timelines exist at once.

“Boo-hoo they ruined Eren’s character, he’s such a wimp!”

I have to confess (isn’t this appalling, that this is a thing that I have to confess, what the actual fuck), I am an Eren stan. I absolutely do not consider myself a Jaegerist, I think Eren’s option was better than Zeke’s, yes, but it was morally wrong and awful and he absolutely was not only in the wrong, but also if he wasn’t dead I’d want him to be punished for his crimes. I didn’t particularly enjoy him pre-timeskip, and I started to like him because I found his evolution fascinating. I wanted to understand his motives, what was going on in his head, he was a puzzle that I wanted to solve. Maybe because I’m a psychologist, who knows. Anyways, if you’re an Eren stan only because he acted like a chad and now you cry his character was ruined, I’m sorry to say, you never understood him. Eren was not a god, he was not a strategist playing 5d chess with perfect rationality, Eren was the same he has always been. He was a young man spun along by his passions. Eren feels things with burning intensity, he lets himself be driven by his emotions. He almost flattened the world because he was disappointed that he and his friends weren’t the only human beings inhabiting it, for fuck’s sake, he’s always been irrational, selfish, and immature. Of course he doesn’t wanna die, of course he want’s to live with all of them. You really expected a 15 year old hot-headed brat to become Thanos after he suddenly found out he killed his own mum and all his dreams had been crushed? Of course he felt conflicted, of course he suffered, of course he wanted to live, “because he was born in this world”. Honestly, when I read his meltdown, I felt relieved that his character hadn’t been turned on its head, it was heartbreaking to see that he really was the same brat he’d always been, that he’d tried to steel himself to do horrible shit for his friends’ sake and that he felt bad about it! It made me appreciate his character a lot more, I felt nostalgic towards the times when I was irritated by his screaming and pouting. Suffice to say, this is also my answer to all those people that believe his internal monologue to convince himself the Rumbling was what he really wanted were bullshit since he “pulled a Lelouch”. How can it be bullshit? Maybe he planned to be stopped, but he also said that he thought he would’ve still done it if they hadn’t. He also said that killing a majority of the population was something that he wanted to do, not a byproduct of the alliance not stopping him early enough, because with the world’s militaries in shambles Paradis would’ve had time to prepare accordingly. Anyways, of course he needed to convince himself to do this awful thing even if he knew he wasn’t gonna succeed completely, can you imagine how horrible it would be to know your only chance is to kill thousands?

I also maybe think it was because of the spine centipede thingy? When Eren says “I don’t know why I did it, I wanted to, I had to”, he gets this faraway look on his face and we get a zoom in on one of his eyes, which is drawn very interestingly and kinda looks like the Reiss’ eyes when they were bound by the War Renounce Pact? So maybe it was also the centipede’s drive to survive and multiplicate that forced Eren to do the Rumbling so that its life wouldn’t be endangered. I don’t know how much I like this, I feel like it takes some agency away from Eren and also makes it feel like he’s not as responsible for the genocide he committed that we initially though, which mhhh maybe not, let’s have him take full responsibility for this. As I said, I’m not defending Isayama blindly, I do have some issues myself with what went down.

“What the fuck, did he say thank you for the genocide?”

Guys c’mon, this is like,, reading comprehension. Yes, it was poorly worded and a bit rushed, but by now you should have full context to make an educated guess on the fact that no, he didn’t thank him for committing a genocide what the fuck you guys. Armin started bringing up the idea that maybe they should have Eren eaten because he was doing morally questionable things ever since the Marley Arc, which for manga readers was like what, 2018? Isayama has been showing for three years how not okay Armin was with Eren’s actions, how could it make sense for him to thank him for a genocide? You see some poorly worded stuff, and your first instinct is to ignore eleven years’ worth of consistent characterization to jump to the worst interpretation possible? Let’s go over this sentences and reconstruct what they mean.

“Eren, thank you. You became a mass murdere for our sake. I won’t let this error go to waste”. Armin recognizes that Eren had no other choice, but does not condone it. He clearly calls it an error, which feels like an euphemism but for all we know the japanese original term used could’ve been harsher. Point is, he clearly states he think what Eren did was wrong. But he recognizes that Eren’s awful doing opened up a path for Paradis to break out of the cycle of hatred. Not a certainty, but an opportunity. He thanks Eren for giving them this chance, and promises not to waste it, even if it was born out of an atrocity. He thanks Eren for sacrificing himself for their sake, even if he doesn’t agree with the fruit of his labor, so to speak. He’s thanking Eren for the opportunity that his actions gave them, not for the actions themselves! Where the hell do you read “thank you for the genocide” guys, sheesh. I’m mad at y’all.

“How could Eren send MIkasa memories if she’s an Ackerman and an Asian, and their memories can’t be manipulated by the Founder? I call plothole!”

Now, here we’re going into speculation territory, so you’ve been warned. I don’t think that that information they gave us was true, about Ackermans being immune to memory manipulation. We know at least that the clan is in some way subject to the Founder’s power, or Mikasa and Levi wouldn’t have been called in the Paths by Eren multiple times. Stories never being entirely true or false, or relativity, better said, has been a strong theme in the story, we know this by Marley’s and Eldia’s different accounts of history compared to the actual Ymir backstory we got. So who’s to say that the belief that Ackermans aren’t manipulable is the truth? Maybe they’re just hard to control, not impossible. We know that by the Founder’s ability Eren experienced past and future happening simultaneously, so he could’ve very well been trying to send those memories into Mikasa’s head ever since the beginning of the story, only just succeeding in chapter 138. It would at least explain Ackerman’s headaches as Eren trying to manipulate their memories and failing. Of course, we’d need Levi side of thing to know for certain, as he had headaches too and we weren’t shown in the chapter if Eren spoke to him in paths like he did with the rest of the squad. We know he didn’t talk to Pieck, but he even went and spoke to Annie who he basically hadn’t seen since Stohess, so I hope he spoke to Levi too. Who knows, maybe he even spoke with Hanji, but she died before she could remember. I wish we were shown that, honestly, I’m sad that it was skipped, especially after Levi said in an earlier chapter that “there was so much he wanted to tell Eren”. Fingers crossed for the anime to expand on it.

“So Historia’s pregnancy was useless”

What? No, it wasn’t useless! Eren told her to get pregnant to save her life, so that she wouldn’t be turned into the Beast Titan. If she became the Beast Titan, then Eren would’ve had to enact the plan with her instead of Zeke, and yeah, Ymir brought the power of the titans with her, so theoretically Titan Shifter Historia would’ve had her time limit removed, but we saw that the only way for the Alliance to stop the Rumbling was killing Zeke, so Historia would’ve had to die. Useless to say, when Eren talked to her about his plan, she was very vocally against it, so I don’t think she would’ve helped Eren with his plan. It was Zeke or nothing, and the only way for Zeke to keep his titan was for Historia to be unable to be turned, hence the pregnancy. Did y’all read the same thing I read? Anyways, she could’ve definitely been handled better, but she wasn’t necessary to the plot anymore, and her being removed from it in such a way was sad, yes, but it made sense.

“They massacred Reiner!”

Yeah, can’t really say anything about this. I definitely understand the sentiment behind this scene, which I appreciate. It’s to show that thanks to his Titan being removed and the times of peace approaching, Reiner was finally able to shed the weight he bore on his shoulders and “regress” to his more carefree persona he had when he thought he was a soldier, instead of a warrior. I am very happy for him, and I think it’s a nice conclusion to his arc, that he’s finally happy, but it could’ve been portrayed in a less comic relief-y way. It just sledgehammers all his characterization. Feels surreal that we saw him attempt suicide a couple month ago in the anime and now he’s sniffing Historia’s handwriting.

Guys, this absolutely sends me. There are people who unironically believe Eren actually reincarnated in a bird? Guys. It makes no sense, it violates every rule that Isayama established for his universe’s power system. How could he even reincarnate in a bird? Guys, c’mon, this is symbolical! Birds have been heavily used in aot to portray freedom, and this is a nice, poetic, symbolic way to show that Eren who lived his whole life chasing freedom and never actually got it, is finally free, like a bird, now that he’s dead. It’s also a pretty explicit nod to Odin, I think. Aot is heavily inspired by Norse Mithology, and I think there were some pretty clear parallels between Eren and Odin/Loki in the later arcs of the story. Eren has been shown to “communicate” through birds like with Falco in chapter 81, or with Armin in chapter 131. Emphasis on “communicate” because again, this is symbolic, I don’t think he actually spoke through the birds, he simply talked to them via paths, but birds are associated with Eren’s character (see also the wings of freedom, y’know?) and the shots were framed so to give the impression that he was talking through the birds, but he wasn’t. Symbolism. Anyway, I really think they were supposed to be a nod to Odin’s crows.

Aaaaand that should be it! Even though I most definitely forgot some other criticism on the chapter, it’s crazy the amount of negativity floating around. Hope I didn’t bore you!

#attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk #snk manga #aot manga #aot spoilers #chapter 139 #aot ending #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #armin arlert #aot 139

24 notes · View notes