#also written by a british guy too. until it isn’t and then it sucks (when david mandel takes over around s5)

[patton-cake]

Webtoons

Hi, I suck at finding new webtoons to read and I was wondering if other people felt the same, so here's a list of my favourite webtoons.

Keep in mind, I'm a minor, so all of these are like, sfw.

Everything typed like this will be the actual summary written by the author

The rest of the text will just be my own thoughts and opinions

My criteria:

Is it fun to read?

Is the Art nice to look at?

Are the characters interesting?

Is the romance forced?

Still updating

Blood Stain

A story about courage, growing up and finding friendships in most unlikely places... spiced with some MAD SCIENCE!

I read this one not too long ago and I really enjoyed it! The art is amazing, I love the characters and I can’t wait to read more!

Encore!

A comic about two childhood friends who grew apart, but have now been pushed back into each other's lives, for better or for worse

The representation is so nice and so natural in this one. One of the main characters is a trans gay dude and in his friend group there is a trans bi girl, a bisexual non-binary character, a lesbian, another gay dude and there’s also an asexual character. I just really like it.

Heartstopper

Charlie, a highly-strung, openly gay over-thinker, and Nick, a cheerful, soft-hearted rugby player, meet at a British all-boys grammar school. Friendship blooms quickly, but could there be something more...?

I think we all know this one by now, but yeah, go read it again.

I want to be a cute anime girl

Charon's sister dressed him up as a girl, and he liked it. This is their story, learning about who they are, and their friends and family around them.

Another story about a trans person! Because yes! Anyways, this comic helped me realise that ‘oh, cis people don’t think like that..’. The comic is just overall really nice to read

Lemon, soda & coffee

When you notice a pretty stranger on the streets, chances are you’ll never meet them again. You’ll just walk by and continue your normal flow of life… Axel’s pipe dream of seeing his pretty stranger again is, for better or worse, met with an extra package. 

This is one of my favourites at the moment. It’s just really sweet and I really like the art. It does deal with PTSD, so a warning for that, but yeah, I really love this one.

Punderworld

Hades' and Persephone's love-struck misadventures.  

Some author as Blood Stain! So the Art is equally amazing, if not better, because damn, those Greek God designs are so cool. Based on Greek Mythology (obviously) but with more consent! That’s always nice!

R.U. Screwed

Howie and Sooch are friends and floormates at Raisley University. Howie secretly has a thing for Sooch. Sooch just wants to make it through the semester. Will they lose their minds?!

Deals with discovering your sexuality and all that. It’s really cute and I love the way the author handles the different sittuations. It feels really comforting to read.

Socializing 101

Ever since he was young Mihai had always been intimidating and socially awkward making others avoid him. He grew up to preferring to stay within his social circle that include his grandmother, two friends and his beloved cat Muffins…Well, that how it used to be until he started university and a new neighbour  moves in with his friend and she turns out to be almost the exact opposite of him. 

Another one of my absolute favourites. Again, it just reads really nice, the art is amazing, the characters are interesting, the romance isn’t forced, I love it.

Tied in Red

Ned's a normal guy. All he wants is a normal life, with a normal job, and a normal wife, in the normal universe where those with soul mates are born with a red string on their pinkie. 

Really like this one too. The art is nice, I like the way the story progresses, the characters are fun, the romance isn’t forced (yes these are my standards. It’s suprising how high they are apparently).

Completed

Aerial Magic

The daily life of an apprentice witch.

 This was one of the first Webtoons I read. The art is stunning (no seriously, look at it!!!), romance isn’t the main plot (the demiromantic in me was so happy), the character designs are so interesting and pretty and beautiful and- yeah I could go on about the art

Always Human

This is a story about nanobots, genetic engineering, and two girls falling in love. No matter how technology changes us, we'll always be human.

Same artist as Aerial Magic so yes!! The art is amazing!! I really like the way this author creates fantasy worlds. It’s so interesting (same in Aerial Magic), the characters are again absolutely stunning and it has cute lesbians! What more do you want!

Crumbs

In a very special town, there’s a very unusual bakery where the house specialty is a selection of baked treats hand-crafted to help you make your dreams come true – whether you need inspiration, support or confidence, they’ve got a cake or muffin fresh-made with magic to meet your needs. But for Ray, a quiet young woman with special powers of her own, the order is always the same: a hot tea with a delicious side of romance.

I loved the ending. Sounds weird, but I just really like how the story dealt with everything and how you can really understand every choice the main character makes. Amazing world building, beautiful art,

Just for Kicks

A lighthearted comic about an amateur university Taekwondo club! Join the team as they train, sweat, eat, & laugh their way through daily life.

I know nothing about martial arts, but this was still so enjoyable to read. I just love the art style and yeah, it was a great reading experience.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Beth’s Template in S11

Okay Bethyl Enthusiasts! Here goes!

I’ve been promising to talk to you about exactly what I think will happen in S11 with Beth’s arc, and that’s what I’m going to do today. I’ve had a basic idea of things for a while, now, but these bonus episodes and their epic symbolism have really kicked things into high gear. They’ve helped me see things more clearly and even helped give me a more definitely (disclaimer: though still somewhat fluid) timeline for how/when it will all happen.

So, of course we all hoped to see her in ep 22. But if he we had, it would have had to have been in a coda. Like a preview of some kind. Because they didn’t quite get to the part of the story where I’m expecting to see her. But I’ll get into that in more detail.

So, we’ve been saying for a while that we think she’ll come through Eugene’s storyline, so that’s what I’ll be focusing on here. Because that’s specifically what I think we’ll see in S11. @wdway has found a TON of Beth symbolism around Eugene. She did most of her investigating and reporting over the long, CoVid hiatus, but I haven’t gotten around to posting much of it. Maybe I still will. We’ll see. There’s been so much to talk about lately.

Let me also state that, while I firmly believe we’ll see Beth in S11, I don’t think we’ll get to the point where Daryl will see her. And yes, that kinda sucks. But they probably won’t have their reunion until the spinoff. I know the Bethyl reunion is what we’re all waiting for, but hey, at least once we see her, we’ll know it’s coming, right?

So let’s start by going through the relevant template.

I’ve mentioned parts of this before, so I apologize if any part of it is repetitive. But it will help you if  you understand not just what I believe we’ll see, but why.

So, let’s return to 6x08/09. At the end of 6x07,  the church fell and all the walkers got into Alexandria. Eugene ends up in a garage with Tara and Rosita. They can’t get into the house connected to the garage because the dividing door is locked. After a discussion between the two ladies about whether they’re going to give up hope or else “do something,” Eugene offers to pick the lock and they get inside.

Inside, Morgan was keeping Creepy Wolf Dude (who I’ll abbreviate CWD) in the basement. He brought Denise (Beth proxy) in to patch up his injury, which she does. Carol wants to kill CWD and tries, but Morgan stops her. He’s on his “all life is precious” kick and ends up body slamming Carol, so she passes out. But when his back is turned, CWD also hits him over the head, so Carol and Morgan are both down for the count.

Just then, Eugene, Rosita and Tara enter, but CWD takes Denise hostage and leaves.

Everyone with me?

Okay, let’s start with Denise. Because of the way she died, Daryl’s reaction to her death, and AALLLLLL the Beth symbolism around her, she’s clearly a proxy for Beth. So what I’m going to argue is that this little sequence is a foreshadow and template for how she’ll be reintroduced into the show. Notice how Daryl isn’t present in any of these scenes. So again, this is how we, the audience will see her. Not how Daryl will first see her. Kapish? Okay.

So, I think Eugene unlocking the door to a new place represents him finding or “unlocking” a new community. Kinda like the one he, Yumiko, Zeke, and Princess are now in the process of discovering.

How did we come up with that? I honestly don’t remember in detail. Like I said, it’s something we’ve discussed for a long time. I think we started with Denise=Beth and worked backward from there. It kind of feels like out of all the members of TF, Eugene will see her first, but then she’ll be taken away from him right away.

Now, he’s in the midst of discovering new people/a new community. A few other pieces of evidence for this:

1)      Before they run into the garage, right after the church falls, Eugene gets on the radio and calls for help. Remember, Daryl hears him? So that parallels to Eugene talking with Stephanie via the radio.

2)      If you go through the dialogue of Rosita and Tara in this scene and compare it to dialogue in the scene in 10x16 between Yumiko and Ezekiel (the scene where his horse dies) the parallels are ridiculous. They aren’t the exact same lines of dialogue, but the meanings and chronology of it is almost exact.

3)      In terms of Denise = Beth, before she patches up Creepy Wolf Dude, she says to him, “show me the wound.” In Rick’s dream in 9x05, we heard Beth’s voice say, “What’s your wound?” It’s almost like they were trying to show us that Denise = Beth and that this template would play out with her return.

Okay, I hope that’s all clear. Shit’s about to get really interesting.

Before we continue, I want to remind you of THIS POST I did about 5x09. If you haven’t read it, I suggest doing so. I talk about the radio voice in 5x09 and how it talks about “attacks against the republic.” We couldn’t have known what that meant before, but now it’s clear that it’s a foreshadow of the CRM and the CRM war, which won’t happen until the spinoff.

It’s super interesting because Andrew Lincoln was the radio voice (he’s currently with the CRM) but he has his English accent. (I’ll tell you why that’s important in a minute. It wasn’t a casual or irrelevant choice on the writers’ parts.) So if that suggests Rick being with the CRM, which he is, it’s kind of interesting that Beth’s voice, singing “Struggling Man” also comes out of the radio at first, before we see her sitting there singing it. That suggests that she, too, will be with the CRM and part of the CRM war. None of Ty’s other death hallucinations spoke from the radio. I’m just saying.

The voice there even mentioned brutal attacks against the republic, including setting people on fire and hacking them with machetes. And that’s important because that’s just what the wolves did at Alexandria, and in the above template, we have CWD taking Denise (Beth). So it’s all interconnected.

But even so, I’ve had a hard time nailing down what it means and what the story line will actually be when Beth return.

Enter episode 10x21 and @bluesandbeth​’s inspired research.

In ep 21, Carol snoops around in Daryl’s room and finds the book “The Golden Age of Piracy.” Now, I’ll admit I didn’t look into this reference very extensively because I THOUGHT I knew what it meant. We had a “pirates” reference between Daryl and Carol in 10x01, when they first discussed leaving together on his bike. Since we already know they’ll be leaving together for the spinoff, that conversation was a foreshadow of what will happen in the spinoff. And if you’ve been following my posts,  you know that I see their whole arc in the bonus episodes (6x18 and 6x21) as a foreshadow of that same story line. So to me it was just another confirmation of the spinoff arc.

Then @bluesandbeth contacted me because she’d been looking into the Golden Age of Piracy book. She looked up the author and found out some interesting things. This author is real and basically wrote two kinds of historical books. (X) Books about piracy, and books about the American Revolutionary War. The author wrote a book called Greene and Cornwallis. (X)

Yikes! Yes, Greene is a real person and a patriot who stood against Cornwallis in the Revolutionary War. But what are the chances the writers use an author who just happens to have written a book with Beth’s last name in the title?

Historically, Nathaneal Greene was George Washington’s top general and right hand man during the war. I’ll come back to him. For now, it’s enough that he shares Beth’s last name.

I immediately hopped online to see what @bluesandbeth​ was seeing and look for more. And boy did I stumble upon a treasure trove!

I noticed a second book by this author called Swamp Fox. (Full title is Francis Marion: Swamp Fox.)

Now, you may wonder why that caught my attention. It’s not anything I ever posted about. It has to do with Leah. While me and my fellow theorists were discussing her and episode 10x18 endlessly, we noticed that Leah often wore a fox-fur scarf:

We conjectured back and forth about what it meant. Foxes, just like most animals, can have many different symbolic meanings depending on what culture you’re looking at. They’re often seen as sneaky and wily and deceptive, so we wondered if it was a reference to the writers “deceiving” us because Leah is a hallucination. But that was about the best we could come up with.

Well, when I saw the title of Swamp Fox, I immediately thought of Leah. And of course symbolically, Leah = Beth. So I decided to investigate.

And guess what? When I started reading about the Swamp Fox book, all the stuff from the S6 template above and the 5x09 stuff about Beth being part of the CRM war started clicking into place so fast, it made my head spin.

The Swamp Fox is about Francis Marion, a real man and patriot who also fought against the British during the American Revolutionary war. He’s the guy Mel Gibson’s character in The Patriot is based on. He faced down Cornwallis (one of the main British generals during the American Revolution) and was awesome at guerilla tactics and staying hidden. You know, in the swamp. Hence, they called him Swamp Fox.

Does that sound familiar to you? Think about what Andy Lincoln/Radio Voice said in 5x09 about Guerilla warfare and attacks against the Republic. You could describe Francis Marion’s military career any better if you tried.

And then I went to Wikipedia to look up general information on Marion and pictures of the British flag are all over the place.

Okay, this is another thing that won’t be very familiar to you because I haven’t focused on it much. In one of the episodes of TWB, Julia Ormond’s character is at home and we see a huge British flag hanging on her wall. Not surprising, given that she’s British. But it was such a huge, blatant symbol, and the camera focused on it for so long, that we figured it had to mean something. We just didn’t know what. The best we could figure is the colors (blue and red) and the fact that there’s both a huge X and a T/cross on the British flag.

Well, I now know what that symbol represents in TWD world. Reading about Marion and seeing the British flag on his Wikipedia page made it all make sense to me.

In short, Francis Marion, a.k.a. The Swamp Fox = Beth. She’s going to be the second-in-command general/guerilla warfare expert against the CRM. That’s why they had all that stuff in 5x09 when we saw her and heard her sing. The reason for the British flag is that Julia Ormond’s character = Cornwallis.

Read up on Francis Marion HERE.

(This is also why I said it’s important that in 5x09, they had Andrew Lincoln use is British accent for the radio broadcast. It’s meant to be from the point of view of the CRM, which symbolically represent the British in the template.)

So they’re using the American Revolution as a loose template for how the CRM war will go.

Back to Nathaneal Greene of Greene and Cornwallis? Yeah, same thing. Greene was George Washington’s direct under-general and right-hand man. Kind of like a…second or new sheriff? In the CRM war, George Washington = Rick and Nathaneal Greene = um, Greene (Beth).

More on Nathaneal Greene HERE.

But here’s the thing. None of that is going to happen until the spinoff. So why am I talking about it for S11? Well, it has to do with Charleston.

You can look this up on Wikipedia for more details, but Charleston was an event that was huge for Francis Marion. It was Charleston, South Carolina in that case. And it was a stronghold that the colonists were holding against the British. Then one day, the British attacked and took everyone there as prisoners of war. Marion WAS stationed there at the time, but he wasn’t there when the attack happened because he’d BROKEN HIS ANKLE in an accident and left the city to recuperate.

Okay. Anyone recognize Charleston in terms of Eugene or TWD world?

When talking to Stephanie over the radio, he got her to finally tell him where her settlement was. Any guesses? Charleston.

Now, in this case, it’s Charleston, West Virginia, but I don’t think it’s any coincidence that the writers went with the same name, even if it’s a different state.

So, here’s how I think it will play out.

I don’t think Stephanie’s group is actually the Commonwealth, or at least not the major, Commonwealth city everyone knows from the comic books. They DO have the white storm trooper guys, so I think they’re linked to the CW somehow. Like maybe they’re a branch of the CW in the same way Grady might have been an outlying branch—or at least in communication with—the CRM.

So again, maybe they’re PART of the CW, but they’re not living with the main group.

So, I think Eugene’s group will be taken to Charleston in S11 (that should happen next) and they will see Beth there. I have no idea if Eugene will recognize her or not. Given that we still don’t know what went down during the missing 17 days after Coda, and Eugene was hurt, we don’t know if he actually saw Beth at all or if he was out during that time. I’ve agonized over this a lot, but understanding this new template, I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t really matter. Maybe he’ll recognize her. Maybe he won’t. But either way, he’s not going to be in the same place with her for long.

I think soon after Charleston will be attacked. Now, historically, it was by the British, right? And because Julia Ormond’s character = Cornwallis, it’s got to be the CRM who attack Charleston. And we’ve seen them do this with other communities in TWB, so it makes sense.

But here’s where I had the S6 template wrong for a long time. Because CWD takes Denise, I thought a group would attack Stephanie’s community and take prisoners, and Beth would be taken with them, while Eugene and the others were left behind. 

But because of the Marion/Swamp Fox/Charleston thing, I think the opposite is true. Sounds like Eugene and co will be taken as prisoners by the CRM. Why did they do it the opposite way in S6? Because they couldn’t have had all the Alexandrians taken and Denise left behind. It just wouldn’t have worked for that S6 storyline. The point is mostly the separation. Eugene gets into a new place, briefly sees her, and then they’re separated.

So Charleston will be attacked and all the people (probably including Eugene, Yumiko, and Zeke) get captured by the CRM. If Beth is Marion, then she won’t be there when it happens.

I’m wondering if she’ll be out in the woods, hunting or getting supplies or something, and this is where she’ll step in the bear trap, injuring her ankle. That would fulfill all the bear trap symbolism around her, including Alone when she stepped in the small game trap. Just a guess on my part, but I think it’s highly likely.

Even if I’m wrong about that detail, I think she’ll be away from the Charleston community, just as Marion was, when the CRM captures the people there.

This is why it doesn’t really matter whether Eugene recognizes her or not. If he doesn’t, and they don’t realize they know the same people, she won’t know that Maggie and Daryl are (relatively) nearby. I think at this point she’ll go to try and rescue the people from the community who were captured (if she’s been with them for awhile, there are probably people there she cares about) and that’s how she’ll run into Rick and first cross paths with the CRM.

She and Daryl will meet down the road at a later date.

Even if Eugene DOES recognize her and she knows about TF, I still think she’s going to go try and rescue her friends before attempting to go to D.C. because they’re in more immediate danger and she’ll have some loyalty to them.

So, this is what I think we’ll see in S11. And I have no idea where it will cut off. Maybe the last thing we’ll see with Eugene in S11 is the fall of Charleston. Or maybe that will happen in episode 2. I really have no idea.

But I’m going to mention one other thing before I stop for today. I know this is getting wrong.

Who is Creepy Wolf Dude in this template? I mean, the wolves attacked Alexandria, so we could assume it’s just the CRM, and maybe a particular person in the CRM. Might be.

But rewatching 6x08, something caught my ear.

Morgan and Carol were arguing about whether or not to kill Creepy Wolf Dude, right? She keeps saying he needs to die. Morgan keeps saying no. And then we have a really interesting conversation.

Carol (talking about wolves): They made us kill. We had to stop it. I had to stop it.

Morgan: Where there’s life, there’s possibility. Even if we never let him out—

CWD: I’d get out.

Morgan (talking over him): Even if we never let him out, he could know what he’s done.

Who else killed and made TF kill? And rather than killing this person, they put him into a cell, vowing never to let him out. But he got out?

Negan! They’re basically talking about Negan’s fate after AOW here.

And guys, that’s CRAZY. I think CWD = Negan.

And I have more evidence for this.

In the TTD after 5x09, I remember that Nicotero was on it. And they were talking about how intrigued CWD was by Denise. I think it was Chris who said something like (and I paraphrase), “I guess it wouldn’t be right to say he fell in love with her or anything…”

And Nicotero corrected him and said CWD kinda did fall in love with Denise. Maybe not in a lifelong, deep, abiding love like we see with Bethyl/Glaggie/Richonne/Etc., but he’d never met anyone like her and he was intrigued by her. He fell in love with her as much as a killer like him could fall in love with someone.

Then, in 7x16, we had Sasha’s death. We went on and on about all the Beth symbolism around Sasha in that episode. It was ridiculous! Kind of like these bonus episodes had been. And Negan…kinda liked Sasha. I mean, I don’t think anyone would have described it as falling in love, but he liked and respected her. Said she had beach-ball-sized lady nuts and he truly respected her and was sad to see her die.

So I think these are both templates that point to what will happen next.

(BTW, Eugene was present for a LOT of Sasha’s final episodes.)

The main reason we always thought Beth would show up with the Saviors is because of the Negan (bat, actually) symbolism around her. But if she and Negan have a major arc together or interaction later on, all of that will suddenly make sense.

So again, I’m not sure if we’ll see this in S11 or if it will come later, but I think after Charleston falls, Negan and Beth will somehow meet (maybe he leaves the communities at some point) and have a lot of scenes and episodes together.

All right. I’ll stop there. Do I know any of this for certain? Of course not. As always, it’s subject to change. Especially the details. And the instant I see anything that changes my thinking or makes me realize I interpreted something wrong, I’ll let you know.

But my biggest point is that this really SHOULD be the next thing we see with Eugene’s group. Of course, this is TWD and it might still take us 8 or 10 or more episodes to get there as they have a lot of things to focus on S11. But it’s coming. And soon.

Remember that S11 is scheduled to start in June. So we don’t have long to wait. (Yay!)

Thoughts?

[leechonspeeddial]

Midnight Shift: Singer's Blood

Summary: Something wicked might have come to the Burger King. Either that, or someone really needs deodorant

wc: 1.7k

Read on ao3

"And just like that? I'm in your game?"

"Eh, 'just like that' is like not it, Gucci, but basically. Yeah, dude," I watched as sprite mini-me walked all over the map — a pixelated version of East Laddle's last remaining Burger King, complete with a rat king decomposing in the parking lot and Not Kevin's monster of a car covering an old blood stain.

"Call me Gucci again and I'll burn down your secret edibles stash"

"Nah, dude. The invitation for your family's gala was written in gold, and the card was imported from France. I think I'm entitled, yeah?" I rolled my eyes and cursed as the date to Alice's stupid party drew to a close. Two more days before the humans unknowingly walked into a vampire lair.  

It was cliché to say that I just wanted to be a normal kid, and there was a part of me that would be happy to explain everything I felt with the cliché. But I knew that wasn't it — spending a decade in high school made you realize how stifling normal could be. What I truly wanted was to be left alone; I was fed up of Alice treating my like one of her dolls and everyone enabling her. I was tired of having no thought that was truly for myself and Edward violating my privacy on a whim. It hurt to see Rosalie go from a doting mother to a distant figure when I no longer looked like a child, much like it hurt to see Bella see me as an extension of her beloved husband. 

Being able to hear all of them have sex only made everything much worse.

"Whatever. Just show me my final boss form. You said your roommate was hardcore into Junji Ito"

"Alright, but we only have the concept art for it, though. Abby got super pissed at us for smoking her artisanal weed, so she's not like making the sprite until we get her more, 'kay?" Straight Kevin minimized the game and navigated through his discord server. I left him to his search so I could refill my mello yello; it was always a good shift when Gay Kevin and Not Kevin were away from the store. They were objectively entertaining men, but they also got a little too intense about work here. Neither would let us blow off work in favour of our personal projects. 

Not since Wrestlemania Condimentalooza.

I slurped at my drink and absentmindedly wiped at the counter. Straight Kevin had his phone hooked to our sound system and he was blasting his playlist. His taste in music was…was one would call eclectic if one was feeling charitable – and boy, did I feel like I was making a million dollar donation. In the past hour alone, we had listened to swedish rap, some Nancy Sinatra, Blackpink, Tibetan throat singing, quebecois death metal, and Maroon 5. 

Fucking Maroon 5. 

But none of that compared to the song that was currently playing. It was less of an auditory experience, less of a musical treat, and more like being forcefully turned into a robot that was in the middle of short circuiting. Not only could you feel the beat, but you could see it too. It looked like flashing lights, and I was certain in that moment, that if it continued I would soon be able to taste sound.

And it was during that assault of my senses that I smelled it. Something unlike anything I had ever smelled before and an immeasurable sense of dread washed over me. The pit in my stomach felt like a black hole as I stood ramrod straight and saw a man I had never seen before enter the building alongside Jeremiah.

Nothing about him particularly stood out. He looked like any other white guy that just got out of the office. He was tall though, taller than anyone else here. Not unnaturally tall, mind you, but...something about his aura felt dangerous. I was on edge and no longer breathing, was this how it felt to be near il tuo cantante?

I made eye contact with the man and tried to place the smell, the flavour of it. It didn't taste enticing, if anything the rat king out back called to me more than the man did. But if this was what Bella smelled like when she was human, I had many questions for Edward.

"How's it hanging, Carrot top? Still working on that game, I see Shaggy," Jerimiah appeared oblivious of my behavior. Then again, glaring to our customers wasn't uncommon for me.

I looked away from the man and I saw Jerimiah set up a chess game on his table. Oh no.

"My man C.J. here is buying me lunch, so you can tell your anxious manager not to have a panic attack over more 'non-paying customers'"

"Nah, it's all cool, dude. Kev and Not Kev are on a supply run. Another of our suppliers dropped us like a hot potato"

"Cello beach, that's what they say, no?" Jeremiah shrugged and the man tilted his head.

"C'est la vie?" He questioned using a register of voice I had not expected. I hated it.

"Languages were never my thing. Math, now that's my jam," he dropped onto his chair and I decided I needed to clear my airways. I needed to get out of here. 

Now.

"Kev, take their order. I'm going to deal with the raccoons"

I didn't even wait for a response before I hauled ass out of there. Luckily, I had enough self control to not vampire yeet myself. 

Once outside I took a deep breath.

It was a deeply offensive smell, but at least it was a familiar one. Trash, raccoons, and decay, baby. 

Though, on second breath. Way less raccoons than last week. Significantly less. Maybe Gay Kevin had finally bested them, which shame if true. 

I leaned on the dumpster and tried to focus. It was important for me to figure out what the hell was going on, because damn if some paper pusher was the reason we left East Laddle. The Cullens would jump at the opportunity to decrease my autonomy if I ate some guy. 

Which, yeah. Murder shouldn't be taken lightly, but I'd never be able to have as much freedom as I did now.

God, it'd be fucked. They'd make me go back to school and somehow rationalize that decision as a good one. Somehow surrounding me with hundreds of humans after murdering one would make sense because they'd be there to keep an eye on me...

I was getting sidetracked again, back to the matter at hand. 

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, that man stank. Second, there was a part of me – and I didn’t know how potent that part might be – that wanted to murder him in cold blood. And third, I was deeply and irrationally terrified of him.

A trash can fell over with a loud clang and a empty jug of bleach rolled pass my feet. My eyes widened in realization – Jake had once told me that to him, the smell of vampires made his nose burn. It was an unpleasant odor that clung to everything a vampire touched. Similarly, Alice had gone on at length at how much she didn't like how the shifters smelled like.

The man didn't smell like a shifter, which only served to make me more uneasy. He clearly wasn't a vampire, his eyes were bright blue and I heard his heart beat, but my nose felt like burning back there. 

The more I stood in our nearly empty garbage zone, the more questions I had. The last time I felt this level of terror, the freaking Volturi had crossed the Atlantic to personally execute me. It was horrifying.

And exciting. This was something new and unheard of, a break from the monotony of the past 15 years. I needed to solve this mystery and I needed to do it stat. Not only because this was potentially life threatening – and I didn't mean just the vampires, whatever that man was could be a danger to the whole town – but also because the moment the Cullens found out about it, we'd be out the Minnesota, nay, the States, before I could even think to protest. 

I was so not letting the Cullens ruin this for me. This could be my Riverdale moment; Betty who? Resentment Cannibal was on the case. 

...

Ok. That was a bit cringe, but fuck it. I walked back in to the building with a mission in mind. I also washed by hands with our heavy duty soap for at least 20 seconds.

"–that incident he got kicked from kitchen duties. Which sucked, cuz CJ has some wicked knife skills," Jeremiah's voice carried to the back of the kitchen and I mentally prepared myself to go back to ground zero. 

"How didn't you notice the taste? Catfish smell so bad when you rupture their guts"

I walked to our registers just in time to see the man shrug. The chess game was still on going and they had pushed another table besides Jeremiah's to make space for the food. There was only one meal on the tray.

"You should have seen Tammy's face. She wanted to blow up so bad, but she couldn't because Susan was there," Jeremiah pitched his voice up and put on the worst British accent I had heard in my life, "'Oh, it's fine Mr. Singer. No big deal. Not a problem. Honest mistake. Happens to everyone!'" 

He took a bite from his burger before continuing. "That woman is so gone on CJ it makes her look stupid."

The man made a face while Straight Kevin laughed.

"She isn't 'gone' on me"

"'Oh Mr. Singer, is that a new coat? Did you do something new with you hair, it looks spiffing! What a nice strong man you are,'" Straight Kevin dissolved into giggles while Jeremiah kept up his imitation. "You have to tell her your taken, man. For all of our sakes"

I stepped forward to join the conversation, when my phone blew up, vibrating as if its life depended on it. I would have ignore it, but the notifications just kept coming. The three men looked back at me.

Fuck.

I fumbled as I took the phone out from my pocket and I checked the messages, all of the Cullens had send me a text and they all said the same thing.

Family emergency. Alice had a vision. Come home.

Double fuck.

[searchingwardrobes]

Valentine Throwbacks: Day 2

This was written a few years ago for the 14 Days of Valentine’s Prompts on tumblr. This was for day three: the meet-cute.

Summary: Emma Swan doesn’t do “cute.” So when she meets Killian Jones for the first time, well, she meets ALL of him. Or what happens when gym employee Emma walks in on Killian in the tanning bed.

Making a picset for this fic was simultaneously fun and frustrating. Colin’s chest hair is one of a kind, isn’t it? ;) I also didn’t want this to be NSFW, so the tanning bed pic isn’t exactly as described in the story, lol.

Words: almost 3k

Rated: High T ? I mean, Emma accidentally sees him nude, but that’s about it. I just can’t bring myself to rate this an M because it’s overall just funny and cute.

Also on Ao3

Tagging the usuals: @snowbellewells @whimsicallyenchantedrose @kmomof4 @let-it-raines @teamhook @bethacaciakay @xhookswenchx @tiganasummertree @shireness-says @stahlop @scientificapricot @welllpthisishappening @resident-of-storybrooke @thislassishooked @ilovemesomekillianjones @kday426 @ekr032-blog-blog @lfh1226-linda @ultraluckycatnd @nikkiemms @optomisticgirl @profdanglaisstuff @carpedzem @ohmakemeahercules @branlovestowrite @superchocovian @sherlockwhovian @vvbooklady1256 @hollyethecurious @winterbaby89 @delirious-latenight-laughs @jennjenn615 @snidgetsafan @xsajx​ @itsfabianadocarmo @spartanguard @hookedonapirate​

Emma Swan did not work her butt off just to wipe things. She practically crawled and scraped her way into a meaningful life after getting out of prison. She worked multiple jobs, lived in her car, ate nothing but beans straight from the can, and when the misery was all said and done, she had a college degree in exercise science. But like any field these days everyone wanted experience, so until she somehow got some, she was relegated to wiping things. Wiping down the equipment, wiping down mats, wiping, wiping, and more wiping. And she only made slightly more than the teenagers at the reception desk and the college guy who made the smoothies.

Emma sighed as she grabbed yet another fresh rag after her boss told her the tanning machines needed . . . you guessed it, wiping. She was paying more attention to her internal raging about how much her life sucked than she was to her superior telling her which beds were occupied. She was pretty sure she said they were all being used except for bed three, so Emma went all the way to the end of the narrow hallway that housed the tanning beds and stopped at the last door. If she hadn’t been distracted and moody, she might have thought to knock. Maybe. Then again, most people locked the damn door.

Well, not this guy. He also didn't wear underwear to tan like most people. Nope, he was completely nude. He lay there, in all his glory, shimmering under the UV bulbs like the god Apollo or something. And the Greek god comparison wasn’t an exaggeration between the light shining on him, and the chiseled muscles, and the perfect . . . He was sort of like a living version of the statue of the David, but tanned and with lots of chest hair.

“Who’s there!” he called out.

Emma gasped, then cursed under her breath as she turned and left, slamming the door behind her. She sagged against the heavy oak door, her heart racing. She groaned and covered her face with the hand that wasn’t still clutching the bottle of cleanser and rag. Had she just stood there and stared at the guy? Oh god, she had.

Suddenly, the door behind her gave way and Emma fell backwards with a yelp. From her place on the floor, she looked up to see Apollo himself standing above her, smirking, wearing nothing but a pair of tight, white briefs. Did he look . . . pleased with himself? She suddenly realized she was clutching the bottle of cleanser to her chest.

“Like what you saw, darling?” he asked with an arched brow. He had a British accent. Of course.

Emma rolled her eyes at him as she struggled to her feet, irritatingly brushing off his attempts to assist her. “Please, I didn’t even look. Do you think I want to burn my retinas?”

His eyes, which were an amazing shade of blue, seemed alight with mirth as he regarded her. “Then why the blush?” He leaned towards her slightly, his encroachment upon her personal space made all the more infuriating by his lack of clothing. She took a step back towards the doorway.

“Oh great,” she snapped, “you’re that type.”

His brow furrowed, and for a moment he actually looked slightly hurt. “What type?”

Emma crossed her arms across her chest, despite the awkwardness of the cleaning supplies clutched in her hand. “Isn’t it obvious? I mean, seriously, who uses a tanning bed in the middle of the winter? Except for –“ she vaguely gestured up and down his person, “wanna-be Calvin Klein underwear models.”

It was his turn to scowl and cross his arms over his chest. His very appealing chest that Emma was trying really hard not to stare at.

“Or maybe some people do it for their health. You ever think of that?”

“Yeah right,” Emma bit out, “health of what? Your sex life, playboy?”

His blue eyes sparked with indignation. “Oh, you get an eye-full and you suddenly know me?”

Guilt pricked at her for a moment. She was in the wrong here for barging in without knocking. But his smirking and innuendos had her defenses up. “I know your type,” she told him smugly with a tilt of her chin.

“You walk in on me, and I’m the bad guy?”

He had a point, and she knew it. She took several more steps backwards into the hallway and turned on her heel, her ponytail swinging with irritation all its own. “Ugh, I’ve got work to do. Wipe the bed down, I get tired of cleaning up other people’s sweat all day.”

Emma half expected him to get in one last word, but as she marched away, all she heard was the slamming of the door to tanning room three.

***********************************************************

The week of her little embarrassing tanning bed episode, there had been a slight lull at the gym. It had been the last week of January, when New Year’s resolutions were waning and the cold weather dampened people’s motivation. But now people seemed to suddenly realize that Valentine’s Day was only two weeks away, and the gym was once again packed. Even the indoor pool had been in more frequent usage, so Emma’s boss sent her to check the chlorine levels. With the flu epidemic, they couldn’t afford to let germs spread in the warm water.

It had also been a week since Emma had seen “Apollo the sun god,” much to her relief. But when she exited the women’s locker room, into the pool area, there he was: his muscular back an appealing sight as his arms cut through the water. He was evidently an experienced swimmer as he turned off the wall expertly and did a strong backstroke across the length of the pool. Emma shook her head and cursed herself. Damn it, she was staring again!

Emma was leaning over the edge, a nice distance away from the tanning god, getting samples of the water in little test tubes. She was shaking the first one to get a result when she was sprayed with little droplets of water. She looked up, her eyes angry, narrow slits, to see him, treading water easily with a maddening grin on his face. The pool water made his blue eyes almost glitter like sapphires, and he looked unfairly sexy wet.

“I’ve been hoping to see you again,” he told her. “We didn’t exactly get off on the right foot. I’m sorry I teased you, I was just trying to help you see the humor in the situation. It came off wrong, obviously.”

Emma purposely ignored him, staring at the little tube in her hand and trying to remember what the hell she was looking at. He cut through the water towards her, and rested his arm on the edge of the pool inches away from where she crouched.

“I’m Killian Jones by the way,” he said. Emma pressed her lips together in frustration as she blushed for absolutely no reason. She still refused to look at him. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him cock his head. “And this is the part where you say, hello, I’m Emma Swan.”

She jerked her head so fast, she almost dropped the test tube. “How did you –“

“I can read, love,” he laughed, gesturing towards her right shoulder.

Emma groaned as she glanced down at her employee name tag. She got hit on all the time at the gym, and had heard a million different pick-up lines involving her last name. But she had sworn off men since Neal, except for an occasional one night stand. But those were never men from work; too much familiarity.

“Some men would take your silence as off-putting,” Killian told her then with a smirk, “but I love a challenge.” Then he had the audacity to wink before diving back under the water.

Emma rubbed her forehead wearily as she stood. The water was low on chemicals, so she pushed the handsome swimmer/sun bather from her mind as she collected what she needed from the supply closet. She measured the chlorine as well as a small dose of shock and added it to the filtration system, then she headed back for the locker room.

Emma wasn’t sure exactly what happened next. There was a puddle of water on the tile floor deep enough to send her sensible sneakers sliding out from under her. Then her arms were wind-milling in empty air, and the pool water seemed to be rushing up to meet her. But before she could hit the water, a hand shot out and grasped her by the elbow. She was hauled from the pool edge, colliding with a warm, wet, very masculine chest.

Killian Jones chuckled as his other arm came around her. “Next time, don’t stand on ceremony.”

Emma blamed her shocked surprise for her delayed reaction in pulling away from him. “Please, Jones, don’t flatter yourself.”

He tucked his tongue into his cheek and waggled his eyebrows, “Remembering yesterday?”

Emma fumed as she gave him a disdainful once-over. “I’m just shocked you’re not in a speedo, mister tighty-whitey.”

Killian’s eyes widened and his gaze went from playful to irritated. “You wouldn’t even know I wore tighty-whities if you hadn’t walked in on me!”

Emma threw up her hands in frustration, resisting the urge to shove him. “It was an accident!”

He arched one brow. “Like you almost falling in the pool?”

Emma scoffed as she crossed her arms over her chest, “Who said I was falling?”

“Fine,” he spat out, “next time, I’ll just let you fall.”

He brushed past her then, grabbing his towel angrily as he marched towards the men’s locker room. Emma started to stomp her way in the opposite direction, but then decided she better tread more carefully on the wet floor.

Not that she had needed Killian Jones to catch her. She was just fine on her own.

********************************************************

Several hours later, Emma walked into her apartment and kicked her gym shoes off by the door. Her feet ached as she dragged herself over to the couch and plopped down next to her roommate. She groaned and Elsa laughed, handing her a slice of pizza from the pie resting on the coffee table.

“Rough day?”

“Yeah,” Emma muttered around a bite, “tanning bed guy showed up again.”

“Oh,” Elsa laughed, wrinkling her nose, “that must have been embarrassing.”

Emma waved her hand. “Don’t want to talk about it. I just want to stuff my face with pizza and zone out in front of the TV.” She narrowed her eyes at the screen and groaned, “Not this, Elsa, seriously?”

Her best friend shook her head as she chuckled at Emma. “Dr. Oz gives lots of good advice.” She poked Emma in the shoulder. “You should listen to him, junk food junkie. How you’re ever going to be a personal trainer when you eat like a fourteen year old, is beyond me.”

Emma smirked and lifted two fingers, “One, I was gifted with an amazing metabolism. Two, my clients will just need to do as I say, not as I do.”

They both laughed then and continued devouring the pizza. Emma’s brow furrowed as she tried to follow the show, since she had missed the first half. “What’s wrong with this girl he’s talking to?” she finally asked Elsa.

“Seasonal affective disorder,” Elsa explained, “lots of people get it in the winter.”

Emma snorted. “Is that a real thing? It sounds made up.”

Elsa shrugged, “I don’t understand it, since I love winter. The snow is so pretty, and the cold – I just don’t get why it bothers people.”

Emma rolled her eyes and tossed a throw pillow at her friends’ head, “Okay, you’re weird, we’ve established that.”

Elsa whacked Emma with the pillow then hugged it to her chest instead of giving it back. “Seriously though, it is a real thing. My friend at work struggles with it. I finally talked him into seeing a therapist, and Killian says it really helps him. Some things that help are physical, like –“

The blood had drained from Emma’s face as she choked out, “like a tanning bed?”

Elsa’s eyes widened, “Yeah, actually, and he swims in an indoor pool, too. Why?”

Emma groaned, dropping her pizza back to the box. She covered her face with both hands. “Please,” she muttered between her fingers, “don’t tell me his last name is Jones and that he has a British accent.”

“Yeah, he –“ Elsa’s words cut off as understanding dawned, “oh my god, you’re not saying he’s the tanning bed guy?”

Emma peeked through her fingers, “Yes, that’s what I’m saying. He introduced himself today – at the pool. Trying to be nice, actually.” She moaned as she lowered her head to Elsa’s lap. “I’m a bitch,” she whispered.

Elsa just gave a tiny, soft laugh as she worked the tangles out of Emma’s hair with her long fingers. “Well, so am I, that’s why we’re friends.”

*****************************************************

Emma hoped that good intentions justified quasi-stalking. She had to make it up to Killian for being so horrible, and she couldn’t just wait around to bump into him again. She pulled his account up on her work computer and learned his gym routine. Killian Jones was an extremely punctual person of habit. On Tuesdays and Thursdays he got to the gym at 5 am and left at 6:30. Emma didn’t get to her shift on those days until 8:00. But on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, he arrived at 7:00 pm and left at 8:30, which were the same days that Emma worked late.

Unfortunately, Elsa informed her that Killian had come down with the dreaded flu. By the time he came back to the gym, and Emma had figured out how to approach him, it was February the 14th. It wasn’t ideal to approach him on Valentine’s Day. After all, she didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. But if she put it off any longer, she knew she would chicken out. So on Valentine’s Day, when Killian Jones exited the gym, he found Emma Swan leaning against his black SUV with a smoothie in her hand. (That had taken additional stalking. To ascertain the smoothie he usually ordered and which vehicle in the parking lot belonged to him.)

“A peace offering?” Emma asked, hating when her voice cracked a bit. When he just stood there with his mouth hanging open, she rushed on, “And an apology? For walking in on you and then. . .well, for being a bitch.”

That finally got a chuckle out of him. He shuffled forward, and for the first time looked nervous. He tossed his bag in the back seat then turned to her with a smile as he leaned against the car with his arms crossed. “What brought on this sudden change?”

Emma’s face fell, and her eyes lowered to stare at the cup in her hand. “Your friend, Elsa Arrendale? I’m her roommate.”

“Oh,” Killian said, scratching behind his ear.

“And she didn’t tell me much,” Emma rushed to explain, “just enough to make me see how quick I was to judge you.”

Killian nodded. “So she told you I’m a mess this time of year, huh?”

Emma smiled and shrugged, “Hey, not everyone loves freezing their ass off the way Elsa does.” That got another chuckle out of him. “And besides, I’m a mess pretty much year round.”

“Well,” Killian said with a long sigh, “I was too, for a while. Right after my Milah died, I could barely get out of bed each morning. That was five years ago.”

Emma frowned. “I’m so sorry. Who was she? Your wife?”

“Aye,” Killian answered softly, “she died in a car accident. This time of year. We were going out on a nice date.”

“Valentine’s day?”

“No,” he said with a shake of his head and a false grin, “my birthday, actually, end of January.”

“I’m so sorry, Killian. No wonder this time of year is so hard for you.” She bit her lip. “Can you ever forgive me for being such a jerk to you?”

He ran his hand down his face, and afterwards, he gave her a more relaxed smile. “Of course I forgive you, Swan. I do make an arse of myself at times, so I can’t really blame you.”

They shared a laugh at that. Emma cocked her head, studying him and seeing him in a whole new light. “You have Valentine plans?”

Both his eyebrows lifted, “Can’t say I do. Why?”

She shrugged, “How about I buy you a drink?” She shook the smoothie cup still in her hand. “A bit stronger than this.”

Killian gave her a sinful smile, cocked his head, and tapped his lips. “I’d say you owe me a proper apology, love.”

Emma wanted to scoff, to roll her eyes, but all she could do was smile as a blush crept up her face. “That’s what the drink is for.”

Killian pouted then, quite affectively. “That’s all I get? When this time of year makes me so, so sad?”

What Emma did next was partly to shut him up. However, she had to admit, it was also because she had imagined what it would be like to kiss him a thousand times since the tanning bed. So she lunged for him, the smoothie falling to the ground forgotten with a thud and a splash. She hauled him in by the collar of his shirt, her mouth hungrily taking his.

Because she could admit it now: Yes, she liked what she saw.

[oneweekoneband]

her Nebraska (1982)

In July I flew to Massachusetts with a plague on, and I felt that it was wrong, but my mother had begged and I’d been out of work for months. Mornings there I ran in long, uneven ovals on the same roads I’d memorized in high school. There’s no sidewalks, but the few feet of dirt between the craggy pavement and the open mouths of the fields serve all right for a single body in motion. When a truck comes up close from behind, the ground shakes, and I step away bouncingly from the street toward thigh-high yellow weeds and grass, and keep going. I was slowly picking my way back in that dirt, sweat-slick from only a plodding couple of miles in peak summer heat, and sucking the wet cotton of my mask in between my teeth on every inhale, when Taylor Swift announced she was releasing a surprise album produced by the guy from The National. Not the guy from The National, like, the voice, but the guy from The National whose photo was circulated on Twitter earlier this year as some kind of antifa super soldier, which isn’t the case, but would’ve been rad. First, I stopped dead to send some outraged, misspelled text messages, and then I ran home faster than I’d moved in years.

Tall, blonde, patrician pop star Taylor Swift is to me something like a cross-between a wife and a boogeyman. Bound we’ve been since we were really children. Time and its changes haven’t rid me of her, and what’s worse is I have never quite been able to wish they would, though I claim as much all the time. Countless hours of my one wild and precious life have been spent on endlessly analyzing the minutiae of Taylor Swift’s music, the mind that made it, the real world events which influenced it. And though all the while I have known she is only a person, and that people, while each strange and lovely in their own ways, are, in the end, mostly dull, needful in just the regular manner, the fantasy is better, the sick dream of a megalomaniac songstress, curious, thrilling, probably evil, and I choose that. I don’t know Taylor Alison Swift, born to this world in, I presume, the usual way. But my Taylor Swift? I’m a renowned expert. I’ve always eaten up stories—movies, music, celebrity news, the one my grandfather tells about falling off his bike once in Ireland as a boy and his face “cracking open like an egg”—like a starved dog. I’m obsessive about my interests, but not inclined to intense fandom, and certainly not fandom in the mode of the stan. For one, I’m too self-absorbed. But caring intensely for a famous person is falling in love with a ghost, and that’s all right—I mean, what the hell? We’re here together just dying... Let’s enjoy—but is an affair best undertaken with the knowledge that everyone alive has their own complex interiority, as unruly as your own, and that you, a stranger, are not in any real way connected to the lawless, blurry middle of that celebrity, and will never be. It’s freeing and fun to know this. I mean, these people are basically in your employ. Glamorous dollhouse dwellers. Acknowledging that uncrossable distance allows for a different, healthier closeness of pure imagination. My feelings, then, can comfortably be at once both fiercely intense and entirely silly. I am a foremost scholar in the art of the Taylor Swift who exists in my head. The real person raised in Pennsylvania I don’t know at all. I have some conjectures on the matter, and, as with all my conjectures, every hackneyed theory, each picky little opinion, I’m sure they’re perfect, brilliant, just absolutely right, but that’s still all they are. Taylor Swift, figure of the cultural imagination, is the Jodie Comer to my Sandra Oh in Killing Eve, annoying and pretty in frills, taunting me endlessly and holding us trapped together in a dance of most enchanting death. But the real Taylor Swift has favorite bed sheets and a social security number and a British boyfriend, none of which I have any desire to know about, and if I saw her at a restaurant I’d politely avert my eyes before, yes, dive-bombing the group text. There’s nobody on Earth I’d stand in line to speak to, but then I’ve been speaking to a certain figment of Taylor Swift for nearly half my life.

I went to a Taylor Swift concert the night before I moved into college in 2009. My father’s work friend, firefighter by day, near professional gambler by night, got comped tickets to the Fearless Tour stop taking place at the nearby casino, and he let me have them as a reward, mainly, for happening to be seventeen. Live in-person and performed acoustically, “Fifteen” made me cry. A few years after that, in the thick, sticky part of my first post-college summer, I wrote approximately twenty-three million words about her in these very pages.  (”Pages”) At that point, Taylor’s most recent release was 2012’s Red, and the work I produced that long ago July about Taylor and her career, writing I was fairly pleased with at the time, feels now, besides just being extremely clearly written by a twenty-one year old, strange to me for the way it favors the sweet over the sour almost uniformly. There is a wholesome kind of ardor in that writing which maybe I’ve outgrown the ability to hold. Or maybe Taylor just proceeded to spend the next half a decade plus releasing one bad single after another, and it was taste—and trespasses against taste—and not some shift in my nature which altered the tenor of our bond. I have real love for my particular image, gleaned from public statements and published art, of smart, bizarre famous woman Taylor Swift, and I admire the bulk of her output very much. I’m just no longer so inclined to fawn. This is not to say I am here to offer a Taylor Swift hate screed. I couldn’t swing it, and, anyway, I’m not a pop feminist-for-hire circa 2010. But we’re older now. Things are different. At twenty-eight, twenty-nine this month—Taylor will, also this December, turn thirty-one—I regard Taylor Swift warily, like an ex with whom you have a tentative friendship, perpetually on the brink of falling one way or the other into hatred or delight, only to wobble back the opposite direction again at the slightest provocation, but still, despite best efforts, even, I regard her all the time. 

folklore was released at midnight on July 24th 2020, but I was at a cabin in rural Vermont without Internet or cell service. I drank Bud Light seltzers with my mother while watching the eerie pandemic return of Major League Baseball, and when I got into a strange bed there I stewed, knowing there were people out in the world all over who were hearing Taylor Swift songs I never had, and that this was a fundamental wrong, a disruption in the balance of the universe. I listened to it the next morning in a Dunkin’ Donuts parking lot. 

And folklore is great. That’s the terrible thing. Slightly less great, maybe, than some people have insisted, tricked, I think, by just the pronounced shift in sound. But it’s great. A little gift I asked for a thousand times and was still surprised to get, like a wife who didn’t expect her henpecked husband to ever follow through and buy the paraffin wax hand bath as-see-on-TV. For years, I’ve been halfheartedly insisting that Taylor had a great album in her. I’d say it even, perhaps especially, while she stubbornly fed me gruel. Or worse, gruel with the occasional whiff of something better. With a ripe, little raspberry dropped into the slop. The bright, villainous thrill of “Getaway Car” made me believe Taylor, my Taylor, was in there somewhere under the lacquer of sequins and synth, which, while not objectionable by default, seemed a costume, and an ill-fitting one. The lived-in world of “Cornelia Street” made those old scars sting. That gay “Delicate” video. When she did “Call It What You Want” on SNL and played guitar while wearing an ugly sweater. If the abominable “ME!”, lead single off Lover, was the stick, 1989’s “Clean” was the carrot. I was Charlie Brown, and Taylor my Lucy, yanking the football back again and again. Over drinks I still yelled that Taylor Swift’s next album would be, “her Nebraska”, referring to my favorite Bruce Springsteen record, and learned to live with that egg on my face for good. I suppose I even came to like it. There was something inherently funny in taking up, like, “blind faith in the as of yet untapped greater artistic potential of massively wealthy and popular singer Taylor Swift” as my totally inane personal cause du jour, and eventually it was a bit, a gag I performed to be obstinate and didactic, but way down somewhere awful near my kidneys I meant it the whole while. And then she did it. A pandemic befell the world and amid a sea of human suffering Taylor Swift remembered she can write. She wrote, and with a massive, crucial assist from Aaron Dessner, whose music on this record is sometimes so beautiful it actually angers me, as the last thing I needed in already perilous times was to be made to try and marry my uniquely perverse emotional responses to beloved divorced dad band The National and fucking Taylor Swift,  she made an album which, if not her Nebraska, per se (I’ve come to realize that a major part of believing Taylor Swift will one day make an album I find as quietly devastating and gorgeous as Nebraska is knowing that no album will ever actually be Her Nebraska... That each will, rather, to me, be more and more evidence that it’s coming still, more proof that the limit is untouched, on and on ad infinitum, or at least until the seas take us into a place of salty peace.) is a shocking credit to all my hard-fought and deluded confidence. folklore is great. This fact has made me feel almost equally as disoriented from my understanding of the world as the time-melting COVID-19 lockdowns have, and it turned my Spotify year in review annual collective AI humiliation kink thing into a glaring indictment of my mental state, but still, I mean... It’s great.

In talking about folklore a bit this week, there are a number of specific topics I intend to cover—what a thrill it is to hear Taylor say “fuck”; Taylor’s terrifying birth chart; the astoundingly perfect bridge of “the last great american dynasty”; “because my ass is located at the back of my body”; the bit in last year’s “Lover” where deranged WASP Taylor Swift implies that to “leave the Christmas lights up til January” is some signifier of being a love-struck bohemian, when actually everyone who doesn’t employ domestic staff to take their lights down does this; how reputation is the best of the Taylor Swift records released in the latter half of the 2010s, actually, and the people who can’t see that are cowards—but intend mostly to let the muse move me where she will. Against the advice of my better angels, she—that tie-in marketing eldritch terror—always does.

[marvel--3000]

Mirage (5/???)

Summary: When 2 weird men show up at your job asking questions about you, you run, right into Hydras arms, you have no idea what they did to you in there, the Avengers help you figure it out.

*AU right after civil war, Steve, Bucky, and Tony are friends, and Pietro is still alive.*

A/N: this is my first thing I’ve ever written, soooo, some feedback would be appreciated, Hi I’ve been gone a couple years, and now I’m back, sorry….

I started writing this a long time ago, so the first chapters suck…. sorry

Pairing: Avengers x mutant!Reader

Warnings: some language, torture

Italics indicate that she is thinking to herself

~~~~~~~~~~

You dream of your life in the hydra base, everything is tinted red. You see flashes of faces, good and bad. You see yourself training with another mutant, you knock him to the ground and put him in a headlock. The scene changes, you see yourself strapped to a table, with the Trench Coat British guy smiling over you as you scream. It changes again, you see yourself crying in a ball, in the corner of your cell, trying to keep warm. It changes again, you see the goons kicking you on the floor, after your first escape attempt.

All of these memories scream through your head, until suddenly they come to a stop on one image. The man with the metal arm being shot in the back, because you can't reach him in time. You run to him as he falls. You catch him before he hits the ground, and lower him the rest of the way to the ground. You roll him over to look at his face, but when you roll him over, instead of his face being there, its Mr. British. You scream and try to push him off you, but he grabs you and pulls out a gun, he shoots you in the chest and laughs. You fall backwards, but instead of hitting the floor, you fall through it, into complete darkness. It feels like you fall forever.

You wake up screaming, clutching at the blankets. Your eyes dart around the room, trying to figure out where you are. You see medical equipment, and hear a heart rate monitor beeping next to you. You remember, you're in the Avengers Compound, they saved you from Hydra. You relax into the bed and breath.

<i>What time is it?</i> You think, you look around again, now that you've calmed down. You see a huge window at the end of the room. Outside the window are trees, and a black sky, full of stars.<i> So it's still night, how long was I asleep for?</i> You sit up so you can see out the window better. You see a lake, and some lights below you. <i>So I’m not on the ground floor, it's pretty here, quiet.</i> You look away from the window and down at yourself, and notice that you aren't Natasha anymore, instead you’re a man, with hairy arms.

You gingerly try to spin your legs to the left, to dangle off the bed. It takes some effort, and a lot of pain, but you manage to sit on the edge of the bed. You start to slip off, so your feet touch the floor, then put a little pressure on them. Causing you to whimper in pain, but you push through it, as you've always done. You finally manage to stand on your own two legs, you look down to notice that your legs are hairy too, under the hospital gown. You also notice that there is a IV coming out of your hand, with a tube leading to a saline drip hooked on a metal rod on wheels.

You hold onto the rod for support, and take a step towards the window. But the heart rate monitor hooked to your finder stops you, you quickly pull it off, causing the monitor to have one long beeeeep, then power off. <i>That will probably bite me in the ass later, but I need to see out the window.</i> You slowly make your way to the window, each step a struggle. But you make it to the window, when you look out, you notice the trucks driving below you.

You look up and see the stars, they are beautiful tonight. Your eyes feel odd, so you close them, and rub them with the back of your hand, and when you open them again to look at the stars, suddenly you can see so many many more, you can see the sky as if we didn't have any pollution, or even an atmosphere. You can see the milky way, the whole galaxy. It's the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. Your eyes well up with tears, causing the stars to merge together, and yet, it's no less beautiful. You’re so busy looking up, you don't even notice that somebody else has entered the room.

“It's beautiful here isn't it?” Says a voice behind you. You squeak and whirl around, causing you to almost fall, and be in excruciating pain. The person rushes towards you trying to help, you look with anger in your eyes, ready to fight. But what you find is a concerned Dr. Banner, giving you the most confusing face. Your eyes soften, seeing that there is no immediate threat. You gain your balance, and stand on your own, shrugging off his hands, which you hadn't noticed before.

“It's not nice to scare people when they are zoned out.” You say in a fake scolding voice. But he just keeps looking at you with a weird face. “What's wrong Dr. Banner?”

“Hm? Oh, I'm just not used to walking into a room to find that I'm already in it.” He says with a little smile.

“What?” <i>Is he a little crazy?</i>

“Oh you don't know, you're not Nat anymore, now you're me. It's a little jarring. You can call me Bruce by the way.” He says looking you up and down.

“Oh! Sorry, when I dream I shift, and I must have shifted into you. Sorry.” you say then look at the floor in embarrassment.

“Nothing to be sorry about, but how do you look exactly like me, you even have my birthmark on your knee.” he says with a puzzled look.

“Oh, when I see someone, I can copy their face, their size, and any other characteristic I can see. But in your case, when I touch someone, or they touch me, I can become a perfect duplicate of them, I think it has to do with DNA or something.”

“Oh. But I didn't touch you?” he said with a puzzled expression.

“When you put the needle in my arm you did. I can shift into someone else if you want?” you say shyly, talking about your powers is always weird.

“It's fine, as long as you're comfortable.” he quickly reassures you.

“Cool.” you think for a moment before asking, “What are you doing in here so late?”

“Oh that, um, I told Friday to alert me if you woke up, so you wouldn't be scared. On that note, you really should lay back down.” he says in a quiet tone.

“You did that for me?”  Confused as to why he would want to do this for a stranger. You start making your way back to your bed, leaning on the pole.

“Well yeah, you are my patient.” he says walking next to you. Suddenly your left leg decides it's time for a nap, and you start falling with a yelp. Bruce catches you with surprising strength. <i>How did he catch me so quick?</i> He helps you back to your bed, and you lay back down.

“Thank you, I don't know what happened, my leg just quit working.”

“No harm done. Are you alright, any pain?” he asks sitting at the end of your bed.

“I mean the bullet wound in my chest hurts, but the weird part is, it should hurt more. How long has it been since I got shot?” you ask, looking him in the eyes. <i>His eyes are a very nice deep brown, with some bright green near the iris. Odd.</i>

“It's been 3 days, but your wounds are healing at an accelerated rate, it looks like you got shot 3 weeks ago. Is that part of your powers?” he asks leaning towards you

“No last time I checked!” you say starting to worry about what Hydra did to you there.

“Ok, we’ll figure out why, but right now, you should sleep. Steve and Tony are going to ask you questions in the morning,” he looks down at his watch, then back up to you, “if you sleep now, you should get about another 6 hours before they come back.” he says in a reassuring tone. <i>I can see why he's a doctor, he's so kind.</i>

“I don't know if I can go back to sleep, I didn't have the best dreams before.” you say looking down at your hands, they are large, and strong.

“I can give you something to help you sleep better if you like, but only if you're comfortable, I don't want you to have another panic attack.” he says looking at you with concern.

“Will it give me better dreams?” you ask in a small voice, meeting his gaze again.

“Yes, promise, as long as you promise me that you won't have another panic attack?” he asks while standing and walking to a nearby cabinet, and opening it up.

“I think I can manage that.” you say smiling at him. He turns back to you with a small needle, and a band aid in his hand. He walks towards you and says, “You should lean back, this stuff works quick.” he cleans the area he's about to put the needle in as you lean back. “I will be here in the morning when they ask their questions.”

“Thank you, and thank you for being so nice to me, even though you don't know me.” you say smiling. When he finishes he puts a teenage mutant ninja turtle band aid on your arm. “Really? Teenage mutant ninja turtles?” you ask with a small laugh.

“What? I thought it was appropriate.” he says with a large smile. “Now try and get some sleep, I will see you in the morning.” he says while walking to the door “Goodnight Bruce, thank you…” you say, your words starting to blend together. <i>He was right about this acting quick…</i>

“Goodnight.” Bruce says while turning out the lights, he turns and walks out the door, closing it behind him. He walks back to the elevator, taking it to the recreation floor, where the crew quarters are. He walks to his room, and sits on his bed.

“Friday, please alert me when our patient wakes up.” he says then crawls in bed to sleep as well.

“Yes sir.” Friday whispers from the ceiling.

Back in your room

You smile to yourself,<i> Maybe this place isn't so bad, Bruce is nice, I hope they don't think I'm hydra, I hope I'm not hydra……</i> *Snore*

Time Skip,

You wake up slowly, groggy from the drug Bruce gave you last night. Your eyes are too tired to open n, but your mind starts to work. You feel something, something is wrong. Your eyes pop open and land on a very angry, very tall, very scary, redhead standing in front of your bed with her arms crossed, glaring at you.. <i>Oh shit. Natasha Romanoff!</i>

[im-the-punk-who]

Hey because I'm not sure we've talked about her yet, but tell me about Madi? 💜

YES! I will talk about Madi. 

How I feel about this character

Ugh so, like all the female characters, I LOVE her personally, but I hate her ending, how her character is written, and how she differs from her historical counterpart. 

I really love Madi as a character. Especially as such a well rounded, beautifully acted, IMPORTANT character, she is so important. I was watching Black Sails with a black friend of mine, and he said that, even with the ending, even though it’s not good, he could forgive Black Sails because of the things he’s so often used to seeing that they didn’t do. Madi lives. LOVE for Madi is what makes the revolution fail(and yeah, it sucks that it’s against her agency, but the point he made was that you NEVER see LOVE for a BLACK WOMAN be the thing that stops the world.) Black Sails without Madi is a completely different story, and I love that she is an active part of the plot as well as important enough to other characters(not just Silver, Flint, her mother, the alliance, all rely on her at some point. Even Rogers recognizes her value.) That, as low a bar as it is, is an important one.

I love that she’s smart and hopeful and determined. I see her very much as a parallel to Thomas, even moreso than Flint, in that she believes in things with her whole being. She has that line from Don Quixote to Flint, but I think it’s as much a dig at herself as it is at Flint. 

“Too much sanity may be madness — and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be.”

Flint has just told her exactly what could be accomplished if they are successful. He’s not dreaming, he sees the world in terms of if/then. But she sees the future beyond that. She sees the possibility and she’s drawing the parallel(unknowingly) between herself and Thomas and I LOVE it.

But she’s also SMART, she’s WHIP fucking SMART and she KNOWS how to lead her people and she is confident in herself. She is tough, there isn’t an ounce of self-doubt in her and the way that shows the LOVE she must have known growing up??? Just. I love Madi because I love how much she is loved. But also like, she is allowed to be naive in some ways, to be over confident and over trusting. She’s allowed to have flaws that I don’t think detracts from her value as a character, but are the natural progression when someone who, by her mother’s own admission, has been sheltered but still knows of injustice.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Pre-finale I LOVE her and Silver. I thought there was such potential there for her to become his rock, to show him that there were rewards, to be his Thomas, in a way, to love him surely enough that he could take the chance to crack himself open and start healing the hurt parts. And I think then he absolutely would have been ride or die - part of what I hate so much is the parallel between Thomas and James, and Madi and Silver, is that Thomas and James were able to have the time to build that and Madi and Silver weren’t. And the tragedy is that it ends in so much more heartbreak than just personal ones, because of who Madi is, what she represents, and when it happens.

Post finale I ship Madi with whoever and whatever makes her fucking goddamn happy and that probably isn’t John Silver at this point.

BUT my two crack ships are Eleanor/Madi bc i’m ALL about that girlhood bromance and the POWERSHARING dynamic between them??? Magnifique. and Madi/Joshua because Joshua is a fucking dumbass but also has a great heart and seems like a good guy and cares and makes connections and has dumbass false teeth and Madi deserves someone who will be loyal to her and understand her and make her smile.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

GIVE MADI HER GAY UNCLES JAMES MCGRAW AND THOMAS HAMILTON OR I WILL RIOT.

Like my absolute ABSOLUTE non romantic OTP to END all OTPs is Madi and Flint. Because I do think she and Thomas are so similar in so many ways, and honestly just because Flint and Madi get along???? so well?????? like when they do become friends, and they connect, you can tell like, Flint’s just like YES. ANOTHER DAUGHTER. GREAT. THIS IS MORE THAN FINE. and just penguin waddles his way over there and like???? and then Madi - who for all she has HAD Mr. Scott hasn’t really ...experienced the True Dad Energy like that? And she finds in him a partner too, someone who sees the possibility and the freedom that she has been searching for on her island and never finding. Her mother has that line 

“they are dangerous, their ideas are dangerous - especially to you.”

Madi didn’t become a revolutionary when the pirates found their island. I get the feeling this has been something she’s been arguing with her mother for a while, and now, with Flint, she’s FOUND that kindred spirit and I just???? love them???????? So much?????????

And especially post finale. Just....just give Madi her gay uncles, James who is like, so chill??? Now that he’s away from having to lead people and be responsible for people’s lives, and he’s FUNNY and she’s never actually seen him smile like that before?? And he plays with all the kids wherever he is and they NEVER mcfucking want him to leave. And Thomas who will talk to her from dusk until dawn about treaties and British Law and how to circumvent this clause or extort this particular weakness. 

And at first she’d been weary - after everything with John - of trusting another group of white men. But from the first moment it’s been clear that here, her word will be respected and her wishes upheld because she and Flint share that vision and so does Thomas, and the reports she gets back from the escaped slaves who have reached freedom through the encampment that now sits where Oglethorpe’s plantation once was. 

And while she is learning from her mother she is also learning from Julius, from Eme, from Flint, from Thomas. She learns, and learns, and when it’s finally ready for her to step into her mother’s shoes it is a seamless and peaceful thing, like one exhale flowing into the next inhale, it doesnt start or end with violence and wailing, but with laughter, and joy - bittersweet but there all the same - and okay this kind of got away from me give MADI NICE THINGS OR I WILL RIOT.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Huh I don’t....honestly know enough about the popularity of opinions on Madi to know what’s unpopular but I feel like ‘Silver doesn’t deserve her’ is at least a somewhat controversial take? I don’t know OH. Wait I know what my unpopular opinion will be:

She shouldn’t have existed because she exists solely to be a love interest to Silver where the real person she is based off of was an old matron Queen who is basically the Maroon Queen in BS just with Madi’s actual drive and she so badass we STILL use the guerilla tactics she developed to use against the British today but Steinberg was like ‘No, I think a black, 60 y/o Xena is boring, let’s make that part of the character basically non-existent and give her role to the 20 y/o daughter and also make her in need of saving from the white man. That’s hot.’

Cool. I will expect your assassins at dawn.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Eleanor/Madi WHEN

MADI/JOSHUA WHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also that her storyline hadn’t been shoved aside for the emotional angst of the white men, that we had seen more of her in the aftermath, that she had been given agency in her own future and in the future of her people that she clearly believed in. I just wanted good things for Madi and for her to be respected as a character.

To that end, what I wish WOULD happen is that she teams up with Thomas and James at the Savannah BnB to basically completely ignore the treaty with the British, funnel slaves off the islands, and, while they don’t restart the war, they still help to undermine slavery in the Bahamas and the Colonies and uhhh basically everything i said up under the non-romantic OTP. xD

Assuming the assassins don’t get to me, ASK ME ABOUT MY OPINIONS

[cuntess-carmilla]

I'm sorry, but as someone who belongs to and participates in an actual subculture, I can't take (Western?) fandom seriously.

I'm not saying alt subcultures are perfect by any means. I'm a goth and I could write and maybe have written whole essays on the bullshit within it, but even with all the racism, misogyny, performative liberalism and such (which are also present in fandom lol), there's just no comparison.

Alternative subcultures, as Problematic as they can be, are ALL about creating something new. I mean, not NEW new, we all come from somewhere, take inspiration, goth came directly from British punk, and pretty much none of the alt subcultures that were started since the 20th century would exist without Black culture, BUT... Guys, the goth subculture equivalent of fanfiction is a song cover.

Sure, lots of goth bands have released covers in order to get popular. Bauhaus themselves did it and they're one of the OG bands, but unless you're a tribute band (which literally only get as famous as they're able to be exact copies of the band they're imitating), no band considers themselves a real band if they haven't at least written original songs, most don't feel like a real one until they release studio recordings or play some live shows. Even those covers they make to get their names around get the eye roll if they don't add anything new and genuinely theirs to it.

Goths who're not musicians ourselves, first of all, don't think we're on Monica Richards' or Peter Murphy's level just because we sing THEIR songs half decently in the shower, like fanfic freaks (normal people who do fanfic excempt) who think their poorly written multichapter slowburn copycat romance is on the same level as Dante's Inferno or Paradise Lost.

Second, even if we're not musicians, we expect of each other to do something. Something original. I mean, people whose LOOKS are carbon copies of some other goth, famous or not, get eye rolled too, you know? This past decade things were a little different in that regard thanks to posers and Capitalism™, but other than that, we actually take offense when someone else copies the individual elements OF OUR FUCKING LOOKS that we cultivated to differentiate ourselves from other goths.

That's why DIY is so big in our subculture, why most of us practice SOME sort of creative hobby (music, writing, painting, clothes making, DJing, design, sculpting, etc) even if we suck at them. At least we try to do something that is completely ours rather than just redrawing a Victoria Francés illustration, changing the color of a dress, and publishing it as ours.

Shit, even our "elders" have no comparison. Fandom "elders" are rarely older than in their 40s, and most of the time they're fucking creeps who dedicate their lives to fictional characters decades younger than them and interact with younger fans in very inappropriate ways. There's asshole elder goths too, but our subculture generates so much genuine personal passion and sense of community, that we don't even consider it a YOUTH subculture anymore.

Our elders are ACTUALLY old. I'm talking people who were there since it started in the late 70s/early 80s as teens or early 20-somethings and are STILL goths. There's goths in their 60s nearing their 70s. And the reason we look up to them isn't just that they're weirdo predatory adults who intimidate or groom us into worshipping them. We look up to them because they've gathered knowledge through up to 4 decades of experience. They saw Bauhaus live before they broke up, they were in a tiny local band that opened for a bigger iconic one so they met them PERSONALLY, they keep relics from decades past, they witnessed our history.

Most importantly, they fought tooth and nail for our subculture to keep thriving not by being self-entitled weirdos pressuring others into validating their everything online, but by archiving ancient zines, keeping recordings of obscure bands who only played one live show before disbanding, passing on their knowledge to younger goths in person or online. They put their own money not into the pockets of big media corporations that don't need to make more billions than they already make, but into the pockets of struggling artists, bars, nightclubs, independent fashion designers, and their communities as a whole. That's why we respect them.

And ykw? I think that's the reason most fandom weirdos don't stick to fandoms for a long time, except for a few who cling to one or two but keep the rest rotating, and why most fandom "elders" aren't older than 40.

A show or movie series ends at some point and most creatives don't stretch them for decades on. Obviously they try to milk them as much as they can but if a story ended then it's over and there's only so much of the same repetitive fanfiction you can consume before you burn out and have nothing left to get your hands on. There's no community, yet you identify with a piece of media at the same level as you do your idk, college majors, star sign and shit.

You don't see me identifying as a Requiem in White fan on my description, I identify as a goth because I'm identifying with a history, a community I've interacted with in person, an ever growing body of new and old art and music, and wear my personal version of the uniform which I didn't buy ready to wear, but is the result of an effort of slowly building a wardrobe since 2007, that I've had to experiment with, play with, and each have their own personal stories attached to it. I mean, I remember EXACTLY what I was wearing when some Evangelical ladies sprinkled holy water on me in early 2008 and I still own those clothes, jewelry and shoes lol.

Fandom identity is, to me, only based on capitalist consumerism as identity and yeah, capitalism has clawed at my subculture especially during the 2010s, but it exists outside of that and it's so much more than buying shit, over-streaming songs to inflate an artist's performance, or taking something someone else created, slapping one sticker on it and calling it ours. My subculture can ACTUALLY politically organize, as can others (punk most notably), you know? Including organizing in rejection to the capitalist fast fashion that almost wrecked us this past decade.

All subcultures have some level of ideology attached to them (for better or for worse, sadly), and it's ideology most of us are passionate about. Goths have always been notorious for androgyny, and all forms of gender defiance are normalized and encouraged. A lot of us pay our respects to our punk roots of anti-capitalism. We don't believe in forced unhealthy positivity, we're less afraid of taboos, we appreciate eccentricity and oddity many times as an active choice against established norms, we find solace and home in what general society finds creepy or threatening...

What similar thing does fandom have beyond campaigning for Johnlock to hold hands or going to pride with some creepy yaoi sign? You guys aren't even good at fighting real bigotry within your spaces unless you're personally affected by them.

It's laughable tbh. I can't take fandom seriously at all, and I don't get how so many people can treat something so empty as if it was sacred.

[tothedarkdarkseas]

What type of things do you think 2d wouldn't be able to do with a man? Sexually and emotionally?

Woof. That’s a heavy question. Behind a cut for sensitive material.

This side of it is overlooked sometimes and I haven’t always done the best job representing it myself, but there’s absolutely an element of emotional isolation with another man for Stu. Having any sort of romantic (or undefined, in this case) relationship with a man is… uncharted and uncomfortable. There’s a whole evolving process in his response to Murdoc, though. Stu can and does throw his emotions in Murdoc’s face a lot when he’s around the 20-23 range, particularly when those emotions are about how much Murdoc sucks, but if anything that only highlights how little conscious thought he’s put into his relationship to Murdoc vs, say, Paula. In the beginning he’s not acting dishonestly to Murdoc, and in fact is less honest toward the girlfriend he cares about his image in front of; it’s just that it’s still an immediate surface level “honesty” with Murdoc, a heat-rises kind of honesty. He reacts to what Murdoc’s shown him up to that point and now follows that angry “owed” instinct Murdoc unwittingly split off himself and drove into Stu’s head. You don’t get a sense of Stu being cold, but you don’t get a sense of him being comfortable with any level of vulnerability either, he’s still asserting himself as a winner even when he’s dripping spittle and rage tears. He’s pretty emotionally immature which tends to involve a type of selfish honesty, and in my imagining he gets kinda tetchy, kinda defensive, especially so with Murdoc. He is overall less reserved than a certain stiff-lipped British stereotype, which just kinda supports him not actually being raised any higher than mid-working class– as always I’m not the best source to discuss this stuff, I can’t emphasize enough how much @elapsed-spiral keys me in on the class divide (spoken and unspoken) and the fairly unique relationship Britain has with class. (Also can’t emphasize how much I’ve ripped ideas from them in general, and how much more knowledgeable Danni is on everything about the inherent Britishness of the characters. And on most things.)

All that crap about his emotional profile to say– there’s a shift when that relationship changes into something with sexual undertones, whether they’ve actually had sexual contact or not. To simply exist and be gay is not inherently sexual, but… Stu isn’t exactly a guy I see having an enlightened understanding of the world and himself, not at 20 at least. To Stu, who went to school under Section 28, who was at least complicit in some schoolyard homophobia (regarding the pic in ROTO with the “I’m gay” sign stuck on another boy’s back), who does not feel confident in exactly who he is but has some ideas of who he does not want to be, who has only ever been with women and doesn’t accept those experiences being mocked and invalidated because the conversation about sexuality for working class men was so black and white, who does not know if it’s possible to separate his identity as a man from the fear of being “less of a man” that he’s internalized, who knows he isn’t the ideal of “what a man can be” and feels more doubt about his head traumas and “disfigurement” than he admits and doesn’t want to add another uncertain thing on top of– yeah, to that Stu, his worldview is still rather narrow. The thought that his life, both going forward and his memories until now, would be forced to change in a way he has not reached a healthy place with yet is upsetting. After things take on a certain tone with Murdoc, I think Stu pulls back emotionally but can’t help still spilling over. I do think there are times, very panicked raw times when Stu would be open about what he’s feeling, he’d deliver stream of consciousness anxieties or maybe accuse Murdoc of things, he’d cry while shouting because Stu is simply prone to crying in frustration, he’d certainly show emotion in some form, but day to day things would become more terse. Murdoc would probably prod him until he forces Stu to lash out, but Stu would not put himself in the more threatening, more vulnerable position of maybe being… kinda okay with it. Letting himself feel connected to Murdoc the way he has to a girlfriend. Talking to someone about Murdoc, including Murdoc, in more than just insults. Treating their relationship as a relationship. These are things that I do think could shift around over time. After Phase 3 I think the emotional relationship takes on a much more direct and bitter tone, things go from heated to quite icy, and their relationship stops entirely for several years. When they come back together it’s just with this resigned understanding that they’re part of each other, that no amount of living healthier has ever flushed Murdoc from his system.

Sex is both harder and easier for Stu depending on the context. This is a shortcoming on my end, as I have the characters exist in kind of a nebulous alternate reality more than like a full plotted “AU” so I do tend to… jump around a bit. I’m not married to certain things, and this tends to be one of them. I’ve written Stu being unable to have full penetrative sex with another man, and I’ve written him regrettably having full penetrative sex with another man, and I can’t say I hate either idea or think they can’t work.To be honest, I still sometimes feel like it’s a mistake to have their relationship be quite as explicit as it’s been, and I fall back on the idea in Midnight Coward– that they just can’t. Stu just can’t. I find the concept of “incompatible sexuality” really compelling, even if in this case I headcanon them as the same orientation but just very different places in their comfort with sex… but for admittedly shallow reasons it can be hard to stick to that for every story. In my head, the followup to Ampersands is Stu and Murdoc continuing to smoke and indulge in no-direct-conversation mutual masturbation together, or Murdoc performing oral on Stu (not receiving it in return), but while Murdoc would have anal sex on offer– despite the fact that they’d already done that with Paula– Stu would not be able to repeat it under the new circumstances for a long time. It’s different without her as a buffer. He was able to justify the threesome as “sex with his girlfriend” while Murdoc’s just there, he compartmentalized what that moment could mean in order to act on it, and now he’s able to compartmentalize Murdoc “servicing” him as just… sort of using Murdoc in a masturbatory fashion, something Murdoc’s gladly offering and gladly accepting. It’s not really rational, but it’s something tenuous he can get himself past this threshold for– the threshold for “really” shagging (according to a heteronormative guy’s experiences and what “really counted” as shagging with girls vs what was having a bit of fun) is much further out, and would take a longer time to get past. But on the other hand, it can also feel believable to me that they’d just go way too fast and end in Stu’s brain being a little broken (psst, this is what I’ve taken a break from a more serious unsexy story to write, so I’ve gotta cover my tracks now and defend it.) Now that I think about it, there’d be a meeting point between sex and emotion– I think Stu would have a much easier time getting in physical altercations with Murdoc that allow for sex to happen, being in rougher or less emotionally compromising situations than talking about things like identity and history would be. He’d be… this is an awkward way to phrase it I realize, but he’d be more open to being made aware that sex with Murdoc is just something that could happen. He might get defensive at a lewd joke but he wouldn’t exactly spiral at it. Having an explosive relationship allows room for things to just… explode, as it were. I think that sort of distance from the emotional side (apart from “normal” emotions like anger at Murdoc) makes him feel safer and less like he’s in a vulnerable position, even if he’s in a compromising position. It makes following the cues Murdoc is giving less scary and more instinctive. I think a hard line for Stu (at least for a very long time) is giving oral sex, or kissing Murdoc in a non-sexual environment (as in kissing at breakfast or something.) These don’t feel like things he’s being gratified by and therefore distracted enough to do; these feel like things you do when you want to please someone besides yourself or share intimacy with them. Either of these ideas with Murdoc trigger a flight response in Stu, so he’s out.

(I realize I just talked about Murdoc and not another man in general, but I don’t think Stu had any sort of romantic relationship with another man before Murdoc and unfortunately for him I don’t think he ever seriously has another relationship after. I can’t decide if I think Stu might sleep with another man when the two are separated during the hiatus but I tend to lean toward ehhh, maaaaybe only once, just to jolt himself from the numbness with something that terrified him so deeply once, to see if he’s capable of caring about anything that much again… but I could also easily see that never happening, so.)

[lamiralami]

TMA Retro 4: Page Turner

I was touched to see some tag commentary on yesterday’s post! Honestly, it gave me an emotion - I am traditionally very anxious about engaging online, it speaks to my immense love of TMA that it brought me to Make A Post At Last. It’s very affirming and reassuring to get some response to my lunatic treatises. Y’all are all right. 💜

Anyway, grab some lighter fluid and a sturdy wastepaper basket, time to torch your haunted novel in MAG 4: Page Turner

It’s ironic that this statement is about the Vast when it is one dense motherfucker. so many dangling plot threads are introduced here, each ready to hook you and start reeling. we’ve been into the meta plot since episode one but this episode is the first time the audience is made aware of such.

seriously: Jurgen Leitner and his library, Gerard Keay and Mary Keay, Michael Crew. the figures introduced in this one thirty-minute installment loom large over the rest of the entire run

you could, your first time through, even file this away as a one-off scary story if not for the fact that Jon knows what’s going on (enjoy it while it lasts, my son). He’s heard of Jurgen Leitner. He alludes to an incident with his library in 1994. Deeper than that, he immediately takes the statement at face value and treats the claims within it as authentic, which is a complete 180° on the first three episodes

and this is such a smart story choice? Jon shapes our perspective into this universe and up until now he’s been utterly dismissive of the validity of the stories he’s telling. To go from practically rolling his eyes to scheduling a meeting with his boss about tracking down more haunted books - that tells us that Jon takes this seriously as a threat. And that makes us take it seriously too, makes us take note that strange books are dangerous things in this world. Any offhand mention of books in future statements will be enough to make us sweat

And! It starts winding the narrative tension on a character level. Why and what does Jon know about Jurgen Leitner and his library? Why does he say his name with such venom? And if he’s so sure about the supernatural nature of these books, why is he so loath to believe the other statements?

(and then it takes 80 + episodes to fully answer these initial questions. Jonny enjoys a slow roasted torment)

love that the statement giver presents, as proof of his iron-clad sanity, the fact that he works as a theatre technician. speaking as someone with an unfinished theatre degree: theatre people are feral my good buddy, try again. I mean, we refuse to say the name of one of the most famous plays in the English language because we think a ghost will trip us for the indiscretion. this is not the trump card you think it is.

a quick sidebar for the Red String Brigade: The Trojan Women is an ancient Greek tragedy that involves a baby being thrown off a city wall. The Seagull’s first published English translation was done by Marian Fell, and also a seagull is a bird and birds can fly. Much Ado About Nothing is very good and you should all watch the version from 2011 with David Tennant and Catherine Tate.

it’s interesting that these early episodes seem to take a cue from urban legends in some respects. Nathan Watts gets extremely drunk at a party and then is almost skinned by a monster while having a smoke. Joshua Gillespie is approached while engaging in a whirlwind of debauchery and has to take care of a cursed coffin after accepting money for what he thinks is a drug trafficking gig. Amy Patel regularly spies on her neighbour for her own entertainment and then has to watch him be replaced by a malevolent entity only she can perceive. and now Dominic Swain pushes past his guilty conscience to score a valuable book off an unknowing charity shop and...gets a bit dizzy and haunted by a phantom stink for a few days then gets ‎£5,000, well anyway, the point is he got spooked! spooked after doing something kind of iffy! that is pure urban legend procedure; modern day fairy tales imparting dire  consequences onto societal transgressions. in a horror story this structure offers a false sense of safety - if you’re a good person, the monster won’t come for you. I can’t recall which upcoming statement yanks the rug out from under us with the first completely random victim.

cannot comprehend how this guy didn’t start plugging the book into google translate the second he got home. that probably saved him from being taken by the book but I am still judging him for not even trying it. yeah you’d be sucked into some sort of sky hell but at least you’d know what’s in the book!! could never be me

(yes I am aware in this universe I would have been eaten years ago. I’ve made my peace with that)

grbookworm1818 slays me. I don’t know which is better, the idea of Gertude carefully curating the most sixty-five-year-old-on-goodreads username she could as a cover for her cursed purchase history, or her actual sixty-five-year-old brain just expressing itself naturally because Gertrude is a very busy woman who doesn’t have time to immerse herself in the ins and outs of internet culture, she just wants to buy the demonic tomes she’s selected for destruction and get on with her day thanks.

did Gertrude know what a meme was? which Archivist could convincingly pose as a millennial best, Gertrude Robinson or Jonathan Sims?

The Key of Solomon and its former keeper, Samuel Liddell MacGregor Mathers, are both real historical figures. the book is basically Renaissance-era magical au fanfic of the Bible, and the man was a 19th century British occultist (and likely drinking buddy of Jonah Magnus) who founded a Very Serious Secret Society. this is a picture of him whiiiiiich rather dispels any sense of menace he’s meant to invoke. what kind of cosplaying nonsense

Mary Keay is such a striking figure. “She was very old and painfully thin, but her head was completely clean shaven, and every square inch of skin I could see was tattooed over with closely-written words in a script I didn’t recognise.” a Look, a vision!

I’m guessing that Our Gerard was blasting heavy metal at 2 am to try to drown out his undead mother while waiting for her manifestation to dissipate. I like to imagine him frequenting Reddit advice posts about dealing with toxic family members, poor lad

oh my gosh Mary refers to Gerard as “her Gerard” is that where Jon got “our Gerard” from?? I feel betrayed??

whatever, I’m reclaiming it. Our Gerard is meant with affection now babey! 

the eye portrait is a bit puzzling. the inscription - ‘“Grant us the sight that we may not know. Grant us the scent that we may not catch. Grant us the sound that we may not call.”’ - could almost be read as an invocation against the Eye? But in general Gerry is fairly Eye-aligned, so...shrug emoji

(honestly my main takeaway from the eye portrait is that it’s finely detailed and near photorealistic so we can add “tortured artist” to our list of Gerard Keay traits and is it any wonder that he’s so Fandom Beloved?)

Mary is Not Good at negotiating sales. her main technique involves terrible tea, bringing up repressed childhood trauma, and getting her magic book to drop animal bones onto customer’s shoes. I’m guessing Pinhole Books was in bad shape even before the police investigation and murder charges.

hahaha, the Vast pushes Dominic down the stairs. classic. you gotta grab what opportunities are available

so did Gerard have to follow Dominic back to his flat and wait awkwardly on the doorstep at like 3 in the morning, hoping none of his neighbours would notice and call the cops

the revelation that Mary’s been dead the whole time! this episode may be more intent on world building and plot set-up but damn if it isn’t still a good little ghost story.

kind of rude of Gerry to just burn a book in this guy’s flat without asking and then steal his wastepaper basket.

Jon may not call the statement giver a liar for once, but never fear, he’s still our petty bastard man. accuses Gertrude of filing statements without reading them, has Sasha double-check Martin’s research, grumps about his general misfortune . he’s stressed from the Archives’ disorder and having flashbacks to a certain picture book but by Jove, that won’t stop him making snide comments on what’s supposed to be an official audio transcription!

[takerfoxx]

An entirely too long ramble about how much Imperfect Metamorphosis means to me

(Tumblr please actually show that submissions are not just text posts please)

So. It’s almost the last day of the decade. I usually get weirdly sad and nostalgic in the last 30 minutes of New Year’s Eve, but this time it’s been like, a whole week, and I’ve been reflecting on this decade as a whole as well as like, my path in life.

The 1990’s were the decade of my birth and early life.

The 2000’s were the decade of being REALLY into Harry Potter.

And my 2010’s were, wholly and singularly, defined and shaped by Touhou. 

I got into Touhou sometime around Easter 2010 when McRoll’d came into my YouTube feed, and something about the music was just so god damned catchy I just had to know where it came from. So I discovered Flandre’s fight and from there, I learned just how great the music of this weird bullet hell game made by some rando in Japan. It quickly became my Thing. When I wasn’t playing sucking at the games, I was listening to the music, and if I wasn’t listening to the music, I was at school (where I’d probably not be paying attention let’s be real here).

So there I was, happily consuming fanart and fansongs and fangames and doing that little smile in appreciation when you see a reference to a thing you like (shoutout to raocow for also playing a few Touhou fangames way back when). It expanded my gaming interests into the sphere of “modding games to make them harder can be fun and cool”, which then lead to a general interest in playing modded and moddable games. It even made me interested in visiting Japan (on my bucket list), not in that stereotypical “weeb” way of visiting all the anime and manga stores, but more in the “something I like put a country on my radar and holy shit some of those restaurants, l want to eat at ALL of these places because they’re gorgeous” way.

You’ll notice that I specifically withheld from mentioning Fanfiction. See, as a teenager who did have the “try something once and if I don’t like it I’ll probably hate it forever because it’s always like that” mentality, I had the unfortunate experience of coming across My Immortal. 

That, and the fact that one of my close friends in High School had taken to reading Twilight Fanfic (and complaining at almost every story she read and their bad use of tropes) kinda solidified fanfiction as “something dumb and stupid written by people who solely want to roleplay fucking the protagonist”. And on that pedestal sat the entire concept of fanfiction for a long-ass time (actually it was about a year and a bit).

Fast forward a while. Patchouli had cemented herself as All Time Favourite Character, I’d begun to grow out of my Harry Potter phase in search of new stories, and I’d made some new friends, one of whom said they read fanfiction all the time and some of it was actually better than original, published books because they had the freedom to explore ideas that weren’t entirely publishable. But also to roleplay fuck their waifus.

At some point in Summer 2011, not too long after it came out, I decided to replay Portal 2, and something about the story left me feeling… incomplete. Empty. I sought people discussing what they thought of the story and hidden nuggets of info peppered throughout the game, and at some long buried comment section on YouTube, someone mentioned how some fanfiction went into a headcanon and took it further. I read it, considered it for a moment, deemed it worthy of being called “not trash”, and immediately set to looking at the Touhou section on FF.net.

The first fanfics I read of Touhou were… Well, they were. There were some good ones and not so good ones. But they were all, in some way, at least interesting. I quickly discovered the frustration that New Friend had brought up once, of when you discover something great but it’s over all too soon. Setting FF.net’s search to include only 100k and up fanfics, I was delighted to discover that there was a fanfiction called “Imperfect Metamorphosis” that was over 350,000 words long. And then my carefully crafted plan of going to bed at a sensible time to maximise Summer Gaming Time was devoured by staying up until 4:30am, reading fanfiction on a shitty laptop that could barely run UFO. Thank fuck it was the summer holidays.

There was something special about Imperfect Metamorphosis. The characters all had their own personality, their own history, their own implied history beyond what was written, they had goals, thoughts, feelings, and different takes towards other people working to further their own goals. And it was all wrapped up in a package that started with a simple premise, grew to encompass a world more broad than mere canon or fanon, and then billowed into an eldritch monster of ungodly size (hi, Yuuka!)((kind of like this post huh)). 

I was so fucking hooked on IM. I went back to school with theories buzzing about my brain as to what was going to end up happening, my mind wandering to the latest chapter and the bits I thought were cool, actually having the drive to focus and actually learn something about story structure in English Literature. I suddenly had the tiniest flame of interest in creating. Maybe one day I could write fanfic, and do my tiny part in expanding the universe of fan-content.

Regardless of the fact that my own attempts at conjuring stories weren’t successful (for a while), IM was there to be read throughout my last years of Normal Schooling, and it served as both a rock and an escape from the stress of school. I laughed with the jokes, I took Marisa’s death harder than the sum total of Harry Potter’s entire bodycount, and I could never hear Soulja Boi without thinking of Mima trolling Satori.

Just like how Touhou expanded my gaming and cultural horizons, Imperfect Metamorphosis expanded my horizon with Literature. I got into reading Neil Gaiman’s work, I read some Lovecraft, I consumed all kinds of works of fiction, across a multitude of genres, which all felt, in some way, like I was reading them because of IM. I mean I only started watching Madoka, and any anime beyond that, because of Resonance Days. Interesting way of coming across a show filled to the brim with spoilers.

It’s been three years since you put Imperfect Metamorphosis onto hiatus, and I have never read anything that has filled me with such emotion to the same extent. Other things have come close, some of them were even written by other people! (the most recent mega-update of Walpurgis Nights hit me particularly hard). And Swiftly Descending Darkness has been such a great read thus far, the slowly ramping tension is so. god. damned. good.

And as I think I mentioned a while back, I finally managed to start grinding out a touhou fic at my own, absolutely glacial, pace. I always find myself asking “is this canon to Touhou, or is it just canon to IM?”. The line has forever blurred in my mind.

I’m not asking anyone to read my work. This isn’t a plea for you to return to the original IM at any speed, I just wanted to say thank you.

Thank you for writing Imperfect Metamorphosis. For the work that’s been a steady constant throughout the vast, vast majority of this decade. For inspiring a wealth of emotions and ideas in the mind of a British guy who you’ll never meet. For just, plain writing a good story.

And for making Marisa the biggest badass to grace the land.

Here’s to the 2020’s not sucking, and to the ever expanding list of stories written by Internet user Takerfoxx. Here’s hoping you find great success.

Thank you.

P.S. Oh, and The Friend Who Said Fanfic Was Good Actually? They’re now my Fiancée, as of last month. Funny how the world works like that.

@diggertron, dude, you honestly have me feeling pretty humbled right now. I have to admit, it’s getting harder and harder not to see anything but the flaws when I look back on IM or RD, to the point when anyone compliments me about my writing my reflexive response is to be self-deprecating about my weaknesses, but this has helped me gain some more perspective about my older work, and for that I thank you, and am glad you have stuck around for so many years. 

And congratulations on your engagement as well!

[ginnyzero]

Retelling Old Stories

I've written a book based on old fairy tales and legends and am currently reviewing the Shrek movies in Action Movie Friday. (Shrek 2 post coming next, I hope.) I thought I'd talk about retelling fairy tales, myths and legends.

Myths, fairytales, legends, these are the stories that are near and dear to our hearts. And let's face it, they're familiar, comforting and popular. Fairy tales such as The Sleeping Princess, The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast have been told over and over to young children for generations. These stories are oral traditions passed down from generation to generation and have strayed quite a bit from their horrific and sexist roots. So much, that outside of a few key points their original creators may not recognize them anymore.

These oral traditions form the basis of the hero's journey which can be found in high fantasy stories such as Lord of the Rings and Science Fiction stories, such as Star Wars. They've been satirized (Ella Enchanted, the movie), parodied (Shrek) and outright made fun of (Mirror, Mirror) and also taken far too seriously (Snow White & The Huntsman.) Just as much as they've been played straight (see the Elemental Master Series of Mercedes Lackey.) And they've been mixed together until almost unrecognizable. (The Princess & The Frog, Frozen, Once Upon a Time, the 500 Kingdoms also by Mercedes Lackey.)

The great thing about fairy tales and myths and legends is that they have a very low risk level. People are far more likely to pick up something to read of watch that is relatively familiar to them and that they know they already enjoy rather than a brand new concept they don't understand and aren't sure they'll like. Fairy tales are comfort food. People know they like them. And given a choice between a concept they aren't sure of and a fairy tale based media, they're more than likely to choose a fairy tale based media.

So, how do you go about retelling these fairy tales and making them fresh and new for your audience? This was a question I (sort of) asked myself when I started to write the Dawn Warrior. (Available in Ebook & Paperback.) How do I take Sleeping Beauty and make her different without relying on, say, what we know of her through Disney or from Grimm, not the TV Show. (Which honestly, isn't much in either case.) And make them partly relevant without losing making a good story?

Change the Roles:

What if the Princess really isn't the Princess? What if she's the bodyguard in disguise that's protecting the real princess from assassins? (The Decoy Princess, Dawn Cook) What if the Princess is also a spy? (The Princess Series Jim C. Hines) Maybe Prince Charming is actually an actor!

I mean, come on, in real life unless your Prince William and Harry and work for the British Royal Navy, royals don't really have adventures. (I wouldn't want to get on the bad side of Queen Elizabeth either.)

Or, maybe the Princess and Prince aren't really the good guys after all. Maybe it's the Big Bad Wolf or the evil stepmother or even the sea witch. (Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister, Gregory Maguire) Or, to borrow from Hoodwinked, the Big Bad Wolf is really an investigative reporter trying to do an expose on Red Riding Hood. (I mean, she can't be all that sweet and innocent.)

A good example of this was a recent Sleeping Beauty movie that was in the horror genre. (Unfortunately I heard it was a really bad horror movie.) The Sleeping Beauty in the movie was supposed to be the damsel in distress and ended up being both the trap and the villain.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdEo_t-iVbM

(I'll just leave this here.)

Change the Setting:

Fairy tales in SPACE!!! (Lunar Chronicles, Marissa Meyer) Okay, there aren't a lot of fairy tales in space. I think I saw another example on instafreebie the other day. In fact, there aren't many romances in space either. (I was listening to a podcast about an indie author who was doing this and she was the first writing romances set in the backdrops of aliens?) But, this is like Star Wars. Greek Myths in SPACE!!!! (Seriously, Star Wars is built around the classical hero's journey. The franchise even freely admits it in their authorized literature. I've got a book by Bantam called Star Wars: The Magic of Myth that goes through it step by step.)

This is one of the easier ways to make fairy tales seem more relevant and seems to be currently the most popular. Grimm the TV Show, Once Upon a Time (in Wonderland), The Harry Dresden Files, and Fables, all take fairy tales and legends and drop them into the middle of the modern world. I include Harry Dresden, not because he's playing out a fairy tale so to speak, but he's some sort of misguided Prince Charming type on his own hero's journey. The book Charming by James  Eliot, takes the character of "Prince Charming" plays it straight, and makes it a bloodline that is involved in some sort of knighthood charged with keeping the mundane world safe from the evil things that go bump in the night set in modern times.

Mercedes Lackey took a slightly different approach with her Elemental Masters series. She took fairy tales, played them straight, but set them in Edwardian times right up through the First World War. By doing so, she was able to show how the beginnings of the modern world like industrialization and rail roads and wars fought with machine guns instead of swords were effecting the world of magic and the magical creatures. (For instance, all the pollution made it easier for evil or nasty type elementals and creatures to thrive and good elementals and creatures that couldn't abide cold iron were dying off or going into hiding.)

Change the Genders:

Let's face it. Fairy tales are pretty sexist, no matter what your gender is. I had in the first draft of the Dawn Princess an entire rant by Roxana, who is a 'Beauty Asleep' about the differences between how a female Princess who is cursed to sleep and a male Prince is cursed to sleep and how neither tale does royalty any justice whatsoever.(Seriously, in the male version, when the Princess who had been sitting by his bedside took a nap, the clock should have reset, the Prince shouldn't still have sneezed and been woken by the maid.)

Maybe it's really Prince Charming asleep in the Castle and well, Beauty has to belt on her sword and gird her courage to get through the hedge and kill the dragon. Or, the tower bound male Rapunzel is intruded upon by a Pirate Princess who is looking for gold, not love. Maybe it isn't a brave little tailor but a brave seamstress! Or it is a male who is captured by a bunch of cannibalistic female bandits.

...

Okay, there is taking some things too far. (That story is terrible no matter what.)

Apply some Common Sense:

In fairy tales, things don't always make sense. I read them and go "why? why would they do that?" A lot of times Princes don't get punished for their ill deeds. Another Prince comes along, "saves" them and they go about their adventures without showing any sort of remorse for what they did in the first place. Princes don't become goose boys or shepherds or kitchen tweenies.(Or at least, not very often, I think Faithful John/Hans is about the only one I can think of.)

No, those punishments are reserved for Princesses who have been tricked into changing places with their maids and end up being goose girls or in the kitchen. (I can think of half a dozen variations of that tale.) And the Princess, instead of finding a nice baker or farmer to settle down with who appreciates her, instead figures out how to reveal her plight to the Prince who actually married her uppity maid/sister and seems happy with the maid/sister and once the maid/sister is out of the way, marries the Prince. (The Prince was tricked, happy to be tricked and the Princess took him anyways? That makes no sense.)

A really good example of this is the original and horrific Beauty Asleep tale. In the original tale, the King comes upon Beauty Asleep in her tower and rapes her, while she's asleep, repeatedly. In fact, he gets her pregnant with twins. The babes are born and he doesn't even take them with him! No. He leaves them with their sleeping mother. One of the babes gets hungry, as babies do! And sucks the thorn out of her finger that was keeping her asleep. Beauty wakes up. The Queen finds out about her existence. Tries to kill her. The King kills the Queen in turn and ends up marrying Beauty and bringing her and his twins to the castle.

Just what the ever loving hell?

It's good to be king?

No, really, the Queen should have taken Beauty's side. They could have killed the King for being an adulterer and ruled the kingdom together setting up the twins as the heirs. Female solidarity. Because the story as written is insane.

There's a post wandering about tumblr about swan maidens and selkies. And how awful the stories are about the men who take the swan maiden's cloaks and the selkies' skins to force these women to be their brides. One of the reblogs adds the caveat that it feels like these stories don't take into account the actual nature of swans and seals. Swans are pretty. They look graceful.

Swans are mean, they hiss, they bite, they're incredibly aggressive and they can break bones. Approach with caution. Don't try to steal from them. Don't try to pet them. Aggressive swan is aggressive. Okay. Anyone who steals a swan maiden's cloak deserves the punch in the face!

And seals, seals aren't all that nice either! Zefrank1 hasn't done a true facts about seals, but maybe he should. Male seals are called bulls for a reason! Elephant Seal bulls charge at each other when they fight. Leopard Seals are considered one of the ocean's more dangerous predators and take on whales and sharks. Seals train well to do tricks. Look,  just, don't mess with them because not only are they cute and have sharp teeth and claws, they're smart. Do you really want to mess with the woman who can steal all your nets and drive the fish away and beat you to a bloody pulp? Seal fights involve mud wrestling.

Add some reality to the stories. Give the actions of those involved real consequences. Change the personalities to actually reflect the animals they are sharing their bodies with.

Mash things together:

This is another popular tactic and TV Tropes calls it the "Fractured" Fairy Tale. Think how in Once Upon a Time, (spoiler alert) Rumpelstiltskin is also the Beast of Beauty and the  Beast and his father is Peter Pan. And he's the grandfather of the Truest Believer and thus the "father in law" of Emma Swan the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming. And that barely dips a toe into the confusing of Once Upon a Time Family relationships.

Mercedes Lackey also did a version of mixing up of fairy tales in her 500 Kingdoms. In the 500 Kingdoms, The Tradition is a form of magic that ties to make fairy tales happen no matter what type of tale they are and no matter if all the pieces are actually 100% correct. Fairy Godmothers are there to steer the tradition so that disaster doesn't strike constantly. (Because what if the Prince of the Cinderella tale was actually a Princess or well, a Prince who was too young, too old, or just liked other Princes.)

Fables does this as well. Prince Charming is the same Prince across Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella. Sleeping Beauty ends up marrying the Beast in her second marriage. (Prince Charming is good at wooing, not staying.) The Gingerbread witch of Hansel and Gretel ends up being the witch who puts most of the tales in action across the Enchanted Forest. The last arc I read, Rose Red was making her own version of Camelot (and there was much trepidation about how that was going to turn out, probably badly.)

Grab a bunch of different stories that seem to work well together, stitch them together in a way that makes sense or seems fun. It's okay not to always tell the exact same tale.

Add Real People's stories:

Look, if you're going for a more empowered woman in your stories. There are plenty of women in history that were actually pretty awesome. And I'm not just talking about Esther from the Bible or Rahab. (Both pretty awesome ladies.) There were female pirates and female queens who outwitted and beat their male counterparts to be on the throne and to keep themselves out of jail. There are female scientists, female snipers and well, I'm sure if you look hard enough you can find something a woman did in real life that men get praised for more often.

In fact, one person go so fed up with the way fairy tale princesses are praised at places such as Disney, they created a site/book for girls about such heroines at Rejectedprincesses.com.

Youtube has videos labelled things like Top Ten Badass women from History you probably don't know about. (But if you'd read Rejected Princesses you actually might!)

So, don't be afraid to use some real world inspiration to give you ideas about how awesome your female characters can be.

And these are just a few ideas on how to take something old and make it something "new."

In the Dawn Warrior, I took a bunch of these. I applied some common sense. Changed the Princess' role. And really mashed some things together. But, I kept a medieval fairy tale like setting because I wanted to keep this series different from my other series, Heaven's Heathens MC, which is a light science fantasy that could read urban fantasy if you squint at it. (Or maybe it's the other way around.) Two series set in the modern/future world seemed a bit silly to me.

Mostly, my advice is if you want to retell a fairy tale or myth or legend, have fun with it. Take your ingredients, mix them up as needed and don't sacrifice your story for message. (Because really, that gets old very quickly.)

Whelp, now if you like fairy tales there are plenty of pieces of media in this post to check out. Happy reading/watching/researching!

[slvtbible]

ain’t like the other

Warnings: none!

Pairing: black!Y/N x longhaired!harry

[this is a small blurb for all my beautiful Melanin queens out there! Sorry if it sucks:/]

**

Harry wishes his friend’s wedding party would just be over by now,

It’s way past 11 pm and he’s tired as hell. Has been working 24/7 to finish his second album before the deadline finally hit him, his fans deserves the best and that’s why he won’t sleep until he finishes all of it. And because he’s too kind towards people, he couldn’t say no to one of his best mate, so he forces himself to get out of the bed—after only getting 2 hours of sleep— and head out,

Now, he’s starting to regret it. He wishes he just lays his ass on the comfortable bed and never wakes up.

Right now he’s standing alone as he leans his back against the wall, looking over at the newlywed who shares a soft kiss to which the crowd cheer on. He feels his body is about to collapse but it’s not entirely his fault, and it doesn’t feel right for him to excuse himself from the party just to get to sleep.

That would be so selfish of him and so he needs to wait.

“Harry! Thanks for coming mate!” His friend clasps his shoulder as he’s coming from his side, “i know your schedule has been very hectic at the moment but I appreciate it that you took your time to come here.”

Harry nods, giving his friend a dimpled smile. “Won’t miss it for the world, man. Finally has tied the knot, eh?” He jokingly asks

His friend chuckles, letting a small sigh escapes his lips as his eyes stares at his new wife who are laughing and taking pictures with her bridesmaids,

“Yeah, still can’t wrap it around my head to the fact that I’m a married man.” He takes a sip of his bourbon drink,

“Still can’t believe it either mate. She’s a keeper. What a lovely woman she is.” Harry compliments, nodding over to his best friend’s wife,

“Back off Haz, she’s mine.” Trent jokes, chuckling to himself,

Harry responds with a laugh, nudging his shoulder with his knuckles softly, careful not to spill his drink,

“Not planning to steal her.”

The two shares a laugh after, and soon begins to talk about their new lives. Trent asks him about Harry’s family back home and how’s his new album going. The two man even jokes about how Trent used to have a crush on Gemma but failed to asked her out because she already got engaged.

Harry also gives him few advices on how to keep their marriage long-lasting, though he hasn’t been married. He has seen enough of marriages that has failed and hasn’t. His parents for example,

“Well, gotta go. Chelsea needs me to arrange a few pictures in the back or something. See you later H.” Trent smiles and slaps his shoulder playfully before walking away to his new wife,

Harry’s left to swim with his thoughts yet again. He should’ve bring a plus one to this wedding. But he’s already fed up with the media stirring up some shit about him. If he asked one of his friends who’s a boy, people will immediately assume he’s gay and if he asked one of his girl friends to be his date, media will making up rumors about how she’s Harry new girl and shit.

That’ll only create more drama between the fans and he doesn’t want that. He had enough of fans arguing about his sexuality when himself hasn’t even confirmed yet, people may think he hasn’t seen what they written about him. He knows

He loves his fans to death but God forbid to say that they can be such huge pain in the ass sometimes. But he chooses not to say anything, because he’s known as the nicest guy on earth

Or at least that’s what he thought,

“This scene isn’t really your cup of tea, is it?”

He hears a soft yet [he can assume] fake British accent speaks from behind him,

In curiosity he turns around and he swears that she’s the most beautiful woman he has ever laid his eyes on in this party.

Her hair is dark—almost black— colour, pulled into a high bun which he can easily make out her long lashes that compliments her big brown eyes. Pink lips gloss paints her plump lips that he can’t help but stare at for what it feels like eternity,

What captivates him the most is her white shoulder off dress that stops right above her knees. Contrasts beautifully with her dark and glowing skin tone, and shapes the perfect large portion of her breasts and the rest of her curves that he has been longing stare as he does with her lips.

“Sorry that was bad. I’m not British actually but i went to school in London.” She says blushing a bit, stirring the drink with the olives

He smiles, setting his attention to the beautiful girl standing before him. “Really? Thought you were real posh for a sec.”

She rolls her beautiful eyes but manages to smile anyway, “right? Did you know that they’re looking for the 2.0 Scary Spice at the moment. I just knew i had to volunteer.”

Both laugh at her joke and he can’t help but notice how pretty her smile is and how her eyes squinting a bit as she does it. It’s truly the most prettiest sight he has ever seen in a while,

He learns that her name is Y/N and she just graduated from Kingston University for a Criminology major. And now she’s taking a gap year before she continues to pursue a major in Master but she has been having second thoughts about that.

“Bride or groom?”

She’s quick to shake her head, waving her hand off. “Neither. Just here for the free drinks because my sister asked me to be her date tonight.”

He nods in understatement, not once tearing his eyes from her beautiful face as she continues rant about the lack of music taste in this wedding and how she says that they should hire her to manage the music section,

Laughing, he pushes his soft hair back and says “you look like a person who knows their music.”

She hums in agreement. “I don’t know about you but, I’m into Kehlani, Sevyn Streeter and BJ The Chicago Kid kind of stuff. Or something relevant to those people.”

He nods again, not really knowing who are those people she has just said. He can’t help but feel a little embarrassed by it,

“Never heard of them actually” He shyly admits, sipping on his drink as he watches her shocking reaction,

“What the fuck?” He chokes on his drink when he hears her cuss, “Who even are you Harry Styles?”

He shrugs and smiles innocently at her which only receives a jaw dropping reaction from her,

“Lemme guess. You’re like Frank Sinatra and The Beatles kind of man, ain’t you?”

He holds his hands up, “you got me” he jokingly says, watching her shake her head and lets out a small giggle,

It’s the most adorable sound ever,

“I can tell. You should try and listen to RnB for your own sake. Jhene Aiko is great too, got that kind of chill vibes you can listen to in midnight.” She suggests, pushing a fringe out of her face,

He listens carefully to what she’s saying and he’s not pretending. He makes a mental note that he has to check these artists and their projects out, perhaps adding them to his playlist as well so that he won’t forget,

Two hours full of them sharing their music taste, the food in the wedding, upcoming tours and stuff. She mainly asks about his happiness and favorite artists other than The Beatles, and he finds himself enjoying these type of conversation. She sees him as Harry not Harry Fucking Styles,

They have gotten closer to the fact that they are sitting on the chairs that has been placed on the outside, enjoying each other’s company and how their shoulders casually bumping with each other because of how close they are right now.

She shares about her experience on going to college for Criminology major, discussing how some people in her uni are major pain in the ass because they sometimes would fight over small little things. And the way she delivers the words causes him to laugh even more,

He loves watching her talk. It’s calming to him,

“Oh shoot, i gotta go.” She suddenly says, looking down to the time on her phone, “I’m sorry Harry.”

His face falls in disappointment, not wanting her to leave just yet. “What? Why? Do you have work tomorrow?”

“An interview to be exact and i need this so bad.” She sighs, standing up to her feet as he stands as well,

“Oh well, want me to take you home?”

“You don’t have to H. I drove here.” She smiles, drinking her last gulp of the martini and place the glass down. “I had a great time with you Harry. Really did. So it’s not because of you alright? Calm your tits.”

Shoving his hands into his pockets, he laughs at her choice of words. “We’ll see eachother again right?”

“Of course, Harry. You have my number right?” She asks with a grin, winking before she pecks him on his lightly stubble cheek,

“See you around Harry.”

**

Lemme know if y’all want part 2!!

[janiedean]

Mood lightener ask, I am intrigued by book recs from you since you mentioned something about a dinosaur series a bit ago? Color me intrigued so top five books you'd recommend for people who enjoy ASoIaF?

OH GOD THANK YOU XDDD

okay so, I’m taking the dinosaurs out first because... well. hahah.

the dinosaur lords is ABSOLUTELY a thing you might wanna try out if you like asoiaf for reasons, BUT I’m warning you, the author died before finishing it (unless he wrote the last three but didn’t have publishing contract for the second part of the six-books plan but no one quite knows and no idea) so most likely you’ll never get a conclusion, warning you beforehand so that’s why I’m putting it outside the top five. BUT IF YOU LIKE ASOIAF YOU SHOULD STILL TRY IT because:

the author was a friend of grrm’s and it shows;

it’s literally asoiaf except people go around on dinosaurs;

NO, REALLY;

there’s at least a couple characters who are totally asoiaf homages (there’s a dude named jaume who’s basically jaime and loras’s lovechild I SWEAR HE IS HE’S EVEN THE HEAD OF THE LOCAL KINGSGUARD) but not in a way that makes it look like plagiarism;

admittedly it takes a bit to find its rhythm, but when it does it’s really good because the worldbuilding is amazing and like... it’s basically fictional medieval europe with dinosaurs but to a really good degree and the representation is a+++, in the sense that idk one of the main four is obv. irish romani (or what irish romani are in that universe), a few are def. catalan, the french guy is really so french you wanna die, the italian dude actually comes from the oldest university in the realm, there’s people from russia/greece and the protagonist is basically some three eastern europeans countries thrown in one character but not stereotypically, like the guy is obv. a mix of russian/polish/mongol and he’s really a good character in that sense, there’s germans too, spanish ofc, like it’s really good in that sense

DINOSAURS FIGHTING DINOSAURS WHILE THEIR KNIGHTS RIDE THEM

there’s an entire supernatural angle with ARCHANGELS WHO MIGHT BE ROBOTS which is honestly intriguing and a+ and I just wish the books hadn’t finished just before going deep into it

if you also want lgbt+ rep............. well, two out of the three supposedly straight characters are irish romani dude and the protagonist and I can 100% assure you that everyone I dragged into reading those books agreed with me that in each single scene they have together (ie: most of them) they’re gayer than Actual Gay People in these books, but other than them half of the cast is bi, the gay sex is better written than the straight sex (forreal there’s one of the few actually.... sexy m/m oral sex scenes I read in published fiction???), their sexuality is not the whole of their personality but it’s fairly stated that most of them are Really Not Straight and it’s really done well;

actually THE ENTIRE KINGSGUARD IS GUYS WHO FIGHT VERY WELL BUT LOVE ARTS AS WELL AND THEY ALL SLEEP WITH EACH OTHER EXCEPT THE TOKEN STRAIGHT FRENCH CHARACTER THAT THE JAIME AND LORAS LOVECHILD HAS A CRUSH ON and ngl I thought they would end up fucking at some point if the books went on so... XDDD anyway a+++ kingsguard >>> the one in asoiaf;

ngl at some points there’s some badly written sex scenes (the straight ones lmao I’m 99,9% sure milàn was not that straight himself) and it’s not half as complex as asoiaf and doesn’t have as many characters but it has the same scheme except with dinosaurs, archangels being robots and three people are straight and two of them are in love anyway;

so tldr I greatly recommend the dinosaur lords if you want something similar to asoiaf, don’t expect an ending, enjoy dinosaurs and a lot of nice rep for everyone. also Y’ALL HAVE TO SHIP ROB AND KARYL WITH ME BECAUSE THEY’RE RIDICULOUS.

.... wow, and you asked me the top five. lmaaaaao. anyway, given that the dinosaur lords will not be in the top five, I’ll go and advise you to read:

IAN TREGILLIS’S ALCHEMY WARS, which is not like **fantasy** but it’s alternate history where the netherlands win the colonial wars in the 16th century because they figure out how to make brass androids and they use it to basically destroy the british and drive the french to canada while they conquer the US instead of the british. it’s a trilogy, it’s completed, it’s flawless and features: FRENCH CATHOLICS VS DUTCH CALVINISTS WITH THE FRENCH WANTING TO TAKE BACK PARIS, PREDESTINATION VS FREE WILL IN THE ANDROIDS DISCOURSE, REHASH OF 16TH/17TH CENTURY PHILOSOPHY DONE GREATLY, the greatest female character of genre literature since grrm (berenice GUYS BERENICE IS THE BEST GOD I LOVE HER SFM), the evil antagonist who’s a gal cersei wishes she was (like she’s terrible but she’s competent), the davos-like french general who knits in his spare time and the protagonist is the cinnamon roll-est android ever I love him sfm OH and the one time I cried because of a catholic fictional priest. guys tregillis is an a+++ top notch writer who has no time to waste with fillers and knows how to write a story even if HE HATES ME AND HE WANTS ME TO SUFFER and like... alchemy wars is really really good give it a go k?1,5. tregillis also wrote another alternate history trilogy, the milkweed tryptich, which is basically ‘the nazis create the x-men to win the war and so the british counteract by evoking ctuhulu and it goes exactly as it promises’. now: I have a love-hate rship with that one because the last book is narratively working but I hate everything it chose to be for reasons also i wanna punch the protagonist in the face, but thesuperevilgirl is totes the cersei of the situation and her brother has.... some srs jaime moments lmao he’s also my favorite ofc god klaus ily so much, and it has... some... well... ENGAGING choices lol I mean i loved book one and two and the third I did reluctantly but it could be an option? anyway ian tregillis is amazing and y’all should read him bye

the curse of chalion by lois mcmaster bujold has, as the amazing soul who recommended it to me pointed out, a protagonist that manages to be jaime and theon and partially sandor put into one. IT AMAZINGLY WORKS. the plot is kiiiinda more straightforward if you know spanish history bc the moment you figure out it’s the fantasy version of how castille and aragona united you know where it heads, but it has a lot of nice twists, also some a+ lgbt+ rep tho not as much as the dinosaur lords and the protagonist is.... really great I love him XD also ngl the fact that it ends fairly nicely is a balm so I’d try it, there’s other books in the same verse but I haven’t gotten around to read them yet

... guys stephen king’s dark tower is my fantasy favorite series EVER like ever, I love asoiaf and brienne is in my heart and she’s my true rep but nothing will top TDT for me ever for reasons and while it’s a completely different thing I still recommend it. caveat: I hate the last book with a vengeance and I think king fucked up the last two thirds real bad, but..... hey, it’s finished and the rest is 100% worth it. also jaime is totally the lovechild of the male protagonist and the other male-coprotagonist who are also my #1 ship ever in history so I’d give it a go ;) ;) ;) also while eddie’s my fave roland deschain is honestly the kind of character that you can only bow in front of like if I ever made an oc one hundredth as good as roland is in conception and execution and everything I’d feel like I accomplished everything I need in life. IT’S WORTH IT. TRY IT.

terry pratchett’s discworld: yes, it’s 41 books. yes it’s a lot. but you can read them by cycle which makes it a lot easier, they’re fun (the first three are a bit meh but the rest is all top notch I swear), they’re sarcastic and witty and delightful and it’s a++++ fantasy and I’ve been wanting to do the asoiaf au for ages sigh but anyway if you don’t want dark and grim but also want a+++ narrative, good satire about how our world sucks and a lot of fun at the expense of our pop culture (guys the book about their version of australia is a hoot and there’s a leonardo da vinci!!) GO FOR IT. IT’S AMAZING. also your life isn’t complete until you read about sam vimes and the local version of death speaking in capslock and being a cat person. also charles dance plays one of the mains in one of the tv adaptations and he was delightful xD

this is going to gain me rotten tomatoes, but....... grrm’s shared series wild cards. that he has going on with fifteen other writers including the aforementioned tregillis and milàn.yes, it’s like 28 books by now. no, it’s not perfect by all means and certain arcs are a total wtf and you don’t even have to read all of it, but especially grrm’s characters in it are obvious templates for asoiaf people (the powerful and amazing turtle is dark sam tarly and jay ackroyd is basically jaime without the incest and the extra good looks while lohengrin is brienne’s spiritual twin except for the looks), the shared worldbuilding is great, the alternate history story where buddy holly didn’t die and some of the protagonists organized a concert for him bc he was poor as hell was genius, and while a lot of the older stuff is dated and most likely was progressive for the eighties and would read a bit wonky now they always were super-inclusive, it has a bunch of nonwhite/nonstraight characters (esp. in the last books but there were also in the old ones, and the longest-standing gay dude since the eighties got a husband in the last trilogy!!! it was so ;_;), the alternate history is really good imvho and if you enjoy asoiaf you probably would like most of wild cards. if you want a reading order I made one here. xD

here you go sorry it took me one hour to answer it but IT GOT LONG XDD

[emmisays]

undefined

Let’s talk about the cape...

I’m thinking by now, you’ve probably noticed the superhero cape I’ve been rocking lately? Many of you have even written to me about it asking what it all means! And as much as I love mystery, there’s nothing I love more than a good excuse to write to you guys... so you don’t have to ask twice. 

Let’s do this!

So as you know, my first playlist ‘LOVERS’ is a story album. It’s set in the real world (all too real!) and each song is a chapter in the story of a relationship from start to finish. And while the characters in the playlist are technically fictional, the songs are all totally real to me and written 100% from my own experience. They are moments I’ve had and questions I’ve asked growing up; written in the voice of a younger me. So why the cape if it’s all so real?!? Well I’m getting to that...

See the cape was a sort of remedy to a problem I didn’t know I had until after the fact...

It was only once I’d finished the album that I finally had the chance to sit back and listen to it through, from start to finish. I poured myself a glass of something, printed off my lyrics and hit play one evening, excited to experience it. But as the music played and I heard myself for the first time (I mean really heard myself... ) I got a certain kind of sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach...

YIKES! I knew the songs were honest. These were feelings I’d had. But the picture I’d painted of myself wasn’t great. This was a weak, needy, desperate kind of girl. Someone who needed saving. Someone who felt lesser than whoever she fell for. 

And I was struck by just how much I put myself down with my words. “I’m the enemy. I’m an idiot. I’m a little awkward. You be the hit cos’ I’ll miss.” and that’s just the first song! 

Was that how I felt sometimes? Yes! 

But is it the truth?

NO!

Being comfortable in my own skin is a fairly new phase I’m entering, but even on these shaky foundations, I knew the answer to that question. The young woman in my songs was selling herself tragically short. Because I sold myself short and always have. And perhaps we all do.

I knew I wasn’t going to change anything about the songs. I meant the words I wrote. They were honest. But being truthful isn’t my only priority and therein lay the problem. 

See, I have set myself two missions for myself as an artist …

To tell our stories truthfully. To say it how it is without a filter...  so that anyone listening who feels the same will know they’re not alone.

To inspire people, to elevate them, to take them somewhere magical. To give them a world to escape to... 

Both are equally important to me, but they are so often at war with each other! And never more so than with this playlist.

How was I going to inspire people with this self-deprecating mess of an Emmi I’d put to song?

I wanted to share what it feels like to be in love. How it is to need somebody. I wanted to write songs I wish a younger me had been able to listen to in all those confusing, helpless moments she went through. But I also wanted to ELEVATE people. Remind us that life is more than we know, that we are more than we know… 

Ultimately I realised I was going to need to find a way of inspiring myself if I had any hope of inspiring anyone else.

I spent months trying to find the answer (Cue: umpteen failed photo shoots, and rejected mood boards and treatments). Then one weekend, I happened upon a notebook that would change everything. There, on one of the pages, was a little sketch I’d done the day I wrote Moments over a year ago. And it was like one of those pantomime Aha! moments… 

“You had the answer all the time!” 

“That’s it! She’s a drunk super hero that thinks she needs saving… but like hell she does! “

It seemed so simple and almost too on the nose to be the answer. But I sent it to my team and they concurred with that butterfly feeling in my stomach... “That’s got it!” The lyrics could stay exactly as they were. But there was another truth to be told here ... and I was going to have to tell it visually. 

See the girl I was may have felt less than enough. She may have wanted to be saved. But she didn’t need to be! And she doesn’t now. This is something I’m learning now but am still training my heart to believe. And it occurs to me that we all are, (yes you!) so much more than the dialogue in our heads would have us feel sometimes. More brilliant. More beautiful. More strange. More fabulous. More powerful. MORE HERO. And sometimes we just can’t see the capes on our backs. We wear our worth behind us. Bold and beautiful and perhaps only visible to those that truly love us. (Or to us if we take a moment to look back every now and then and see how far we’ve come…)

Disclaimer: I am fully aware that the cape is RIDICULOUS. It’s a child’s costume for crying out loud! And believe me no one is more weirded out by this new fashion choice than me!  Being half Aussie- half British, self deprecation is in my blood… so I try to avoid any form of self-celebration at all costs. But I love it when anyone else celebrates themselves! 

(Yes YOU DJ KHALLLEEDDD. Never change!)

And that’s just it! It’s only me I keep in a false cage! Because the truth is I love to celebrate the people I love. And I love to celebrate you guys! And I want to inspire you guys to celebrate yourselves. And I realised I had no hope of doing that unless I was first willing to celebrate myself. So I decided to stop taking myself so damn seriously and start having some fun. Get some joy in my soul and embrace the powerful sentiment of the phrase ‘Fuck it’! And so the cape is here and here to stay...  

I can still act a twat in it. My posture is still rubbish. I’m still a square making pop music and I still dance like your drunk dad at a wedding. But if this album is anything to go by... I needed reminding I’m more than that. And more than anything I wanted to remind you that you are too. 

I hope you love the songs that are coming. I can’t wait to share them with you.  And I hope you laugh with me as I prance about in my cape around London town. And I hope you grab a bed sheet or a cape of your own, and tie it on, and look in the mirror and puff your chest out a little, and smile, and maybe dance or do something that scares you in it. Fuck it!

Because life is too short to concentrate on how small you are. Yes you suck. So do I. But you’re also brilliant! And so am I.  You are alive, right now, and younger today than you’ll ever be... and you are LOVED and capable of love. Love is your greatest human super power. So go spread it. Live your best cape life!

Lots of love,

Em x

[youremyonlyhope]

Children of Earth: Day One

AKA Torchwood takes the “creepy child in a horror movie” trope to a global level.

Apparently I hate myself since I’m rewatching this season for the first time. Even though it’s so painful I haven’t ever watched it since the first time back in 2013.

Kids walking willingly (or so it seems at this point) into a bright light. Ok. Totally normal and not a creepy way to start the episode. I just know that at some point in this post I’m gonna start saying “I hate this why am I doing this to myself all over again?” in every other line. Not yet. But it will happen. Maybe not in Day One. But definitely by Day Two. CAPALDI! MY LOVE! The first time I’d ever seen him. Oh. Oh I’m already in pain. Why am I doing this???? Wow look at that it only took one more scene to get me started on that. OH GOD STEVEN. I ALWAYS BLOCK THIS OUT AND THEN REMEMBER IT AND THEN BLOCK IT OUT ALL OVER AGAIN. I’m glad that Gwen has an eye for weird stuff though and noticed the kids. Oh the Hub. For the last time. OH GOD WHY IS IT NOW HITTING ME THAT THIS IS ALL JUST 5 DAYS WHAT THE HELL. The first time I watched this, I finished Exit Wounds just before. I remember having to clean part of the living room that day, and I know I cleaned it either just before starting Exit Wounds or just after finishing it, so maybe I had a half hour break between this and Exit Wounds if that’s when I cleaned. But either way, I had just watched Exit Wounds before this and Gwen saying good morning to the picture of Owen and Tosh hit me way too hard in the feels. OH RUPESH. I LIKED HIM. I WANTED HIM TO STICK AROUND AND NOT BETRAY THEM. RUPESH. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU. Remind me to use that Tyra gif when the betrayal happens. You boys need to get better at faking sadness. Now I’m remembering that this season, while not as bad as Countrycide, was a little gorey... I mean, if only that laser knife could be real.

Rupesh: *Sees “Torchwood” written on the van* You’re Torchwood! Jack: *Getting into the Torchwood van* Never heard of them.

I laughed out loud. I love this show. Most well-known secret organization ever. And Jack barely even tries to hide it. “This whole city talks about you.” I LAUGHED OUT LOUD AGAIN. I LOVE TORCHWOOD. Rupesh is smart. He thought of a interesting case. Ugh he had so much potential and used it for the wrong side. Hey it’s my girl Lois! Sad Martha couldn’t be here, but Lois, girl, you stole my heart. I love you. She’s arriving at the same time as Frobisher. Oh my god watching this when he becomes the Doctor later on is so trippy. Oh my god. Asking for easy alien stuff. Wow. “No, you get killed, not me. You die like a dog. Like an ugly dog.” OK Jack you’re gonna regret that foreshadowing in a few episodes. “What’s his uniform? That’s not British Army, is it?” MY GIRL LOIS. SHE HAS A GOOD EYE. “So far we’re the only ones with software clever enough to piece this all together” HA. “Well, us and Torchwood.” Oh ok. Martha’s on her honeymoon. With Mickey but they don’t say it. God. If only they could have developed Martha and Mickey even the tiniest bit. Literally just Jack saying “I don’t know, she only met Mickey a year ago. I think they’re moving too fast.” and Gwen responding “Well I like him more than Tom, I’m glad that ended.” and then the show moves on with its life. Sure, that’d be the easy way out, but I prefer the easy way over what we got which was them barely even trying. I WANT to ship Martha and Mickey, JUST GIVE ME REASON TO. “Ask about Torchwood and most people point towards the bay.” You guys really have to get better at being a secret organization. I was about to say that I did not know Torchwood’s paid by the Crown, but then my brain was like “Queen Victoria founded it, you idiot.” But now I’m imagining Queen Elizabeth signing checks for Torchwood. God Rupesh. I remember thinking “Oh I’m gonna love him on the team” during his little speech about the suicides. I FORGOT THE SCREAMING. I LEGIT GASPED AND THREW MYSELF BACKWARDS OH MY GOD I FORGOT THE STUPID SCREAMING WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF THIS IS THE WORST. OH MY GOD. This screaming made me realize my right earbud might be dying. Either that or my hearing’s worse in that ear. I FORGOT THE ‘WE ARE COMING’S. I THOUGHT THEY WERE AT THE END OF THE EPISODE. Remember when the Not-British-Army dude was like “We’re not sure if it’s extraterrestrial yet” YEAH WELL THESE CHILDREN ARE SCREAMING “WE ARE COMING” SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT’S PROBABLY EXTRATERRESTRIAL.  Oh yeah and the old dude’s doing it too. “What’s in there?” “Big, science fiction superbase. Honestly. See ya.” See this is why Torchwood isn’t a secret. You just tell everyone your business. Oh god oh poor Lois. First day on the job. And there’s an international crisis. That isn’t even me making a joke, I immediately thought of Janice in Come From Away, her first day at the news station and she has to cover 7000 people arriving in Gander after 9/11. Aaaaand now I’m gonna cry. Oh Bridget will regret giving Lois that password. But also, it ends up helping save the world to an extent so it works out. Thanks Bridget. LOL literal red flag next to Jack’s name. Love it. Honestly I agree with this Dekker (Dekkler?) guy, all this is just more reason to not have kids. “So every single child in the whole wide world is speaking English.” Oh the British. Thinking they’re the center of the universe. Though, I really should not be speaking since I’m an American. “We can adopt a Filipino and get her to clean the chimneys” Woah wait what kind of line was that?!?!?!? What? Awww look at Rhys being useful, noticing patterns. “I’m going into England. Farewell forever.” Knowing that the Welsh hate England makes me happy. Wow Jack, you literally had to think to remember that you have a grandson. “What do you recommend that we do?” “You tell me.” See, look at that. Already pushing all the blame and responsibility onto Frobisher. At this point, Frobisher’s basically nothing so why would the Prime Minister say “You tell me.”??? He already plans to make him deal with it all. Ok but also Frobisher’s the one suggesting wiping the record so yeah you suck too. I love Capaldi with all my heart, but at this point I hate Frobisher. So yeah, wiping the records and pretending it didn’t happen, blame Frobisher. Everything else so far? Eh. Up in the air for now. I’ve blocked out everything about this entire season besides Ianto’s death, that scene about the Doctor (though I WISH I could forget that), and “John Frobisher is a good man.” “I’m not having my name on this.” Have some integrity Prime Minister. Now you’re officially to blame too because you agreed to it but knew it was wrong so you didn’t want to be connected. At least Frobisher was never planning on acting like he wasn’t a part of this. Rhiannon has the right idea about the group hysteria thing. She’s wrong, but it’s a great theory. “I just can’t stand it, Dad.” AND HERE’S 2013 ME GOING “WHAAAATTTTT” God this whole conversation about Steven just hurts. I’m glad Rhiannon’s supportive. Rhiannon’s husband coming in to ruin a nice moment. 52 in 2009, he would have only been 8 in 1965... HONESTLY TORCHWOOD, YOU’D THINK YOU PEOPLE WOULD BE BEYOND USING PHONES THAT CAN BE INTERCEPTED. TOSH, GIRL, YOU HAD TIME TO CREATE A TIME LOCK BUT NOT A SECURE PHONE LINE?? No but Tosh, girl, you are perfect I’m not mad I’m kidding I love you you’re the best. And Bridget in her mind is like “Oh great. I’m a part of a government coverup.” Yeah I’d have to get up and run away from my computer too. That’s how I feel after writing papers (Also! I just graduated college on Saturday! No more papers unless for some reason I decide to go to grad school!) and I can’t imagine how much worse the feeling is after deleting government records. My girl Lois. Snooping. I love her. But like, is killing the people involved really necessary? Like, can’t you just maybe lock them up in a jail until this all blows over? Jack. Where in the world did you get that car? You live at the Hub. Where do you park it? And did you pick TARDIS blue on purpose? RUPESH.

STILL NOT OVER THIS BETRAYAL. WATCHING THIS THE FIRST TIME I WAS LIKE “OH YES. GOOD. RUPESH JOINS THE TEAM AS A NEW MEDICAL OFFICER. I LIKE HIM.” AND THEN HE BETRAYS US. HOW COULD YOU, RUPESH!? Now here’s the thing: I’d love this lady if she wasn’t evil. And the government picked the worst person to be a part of a secret deal with aliens when they picked Jack. Yes, he seems like the best because he’s in Torchwood, but he’s the worst pick. If they have the option in the future of an Order to Kill, they should always think ahead “Hey, we’re doing this shady deal. It’s supposed to be a one time thing, but there’s the off chance it might come back to bite us. Let’s make sure everyone involved can be killed later on.” and not hire the one person who can never die. They could have avoided having to literally blow him up and collect the pieces. Or, you know, not have an order to kill option in the first place and lock them up until it blows over. Just a suggestion. “Who killed the Chinese man?” “I did. I had to, he just fitted the story.” “Then get off your high horse, then.” Girl has a point. Wow I wish I could love her. I love Jack. I love that his resurrections are always perfectly timed. “Do you think it’s true, what they say about him?” *Jack dramatically comes back to life.* Even in death, Jack lives for the drama. His immortality ability was like “...just... give it... 2 more seconds... ok they’re talking about Jack TIME TO WAKE UP.” And I LOVE that she was so ready to shoot him again. Girl was ready. I love it. It’s terrifying that the soldiers are like “Oh she’s shooting someone as they run away again.” and know to go off to the sides. You know, the theory of Jack’s immortality being connected to the rift isn’t a bad one either. It’s wrong, but the logic is there. All these people thinking of great theories, unfortunately they don’t take aliens into account. “They kill you?” “Yeah.” *Ianto gives Jack a comforting hug.* I LOVE TORCHWOOD. And everything’s falling apart at once. Gwen’s having a baby, Jack’s having a bomb, and all the kids are speaking with demon voices again. “We are coming... back.” Now that’s how you end an episode.

Yeah so Day One is not as painful as the rest of the days. But it’s still VERY dramatic.

Ok. Gotta find time to watch Day Two over the next week. Maybe tomorrow. We’ll see.

RIP Torchwood Three Hub. 1885-2009. (Also while looking up the year Torchwood Three started, I found out that it was founded by a woman name Agnes Havisham. So, good for her.) But seriously, the Hub’s gone, and my heart died with it.

UPDATE 2 days later: WHAT HAPPENED TO MYFANWY AND JANET!!?!?!?!?!?! All of season 1 and 2 I kept bringing up how I wonder what happened to them after the explosion, but then once I get up to the episode with the explosion I forget about them. ARE THEY OK!? Please tell me Janet escaped to the sewers somehow and that Myfanwy flew away and is off being happy and safe.