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nataliaphantomhivesblog · 3 years

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Newsflash: Dazai cares for Chuuya

Before reading any further, I will be talking about stormbringer, so spoilers ahead!! Translation credits go out to: @popopretty on tumblr, make sure to give this kind human some love and appreciation<3

Also if you want to read the first few chapters of stormbringer: @buraihatranslations is currently translating it, give them much love and appreciation as well, they deserve it!!

Honestly, I have been so obsessed with Soukoku lately and I think the reason behind this is because when it comes to Soukoku, their feelings for each other are not as easy to grasp as love or hate, it is much more profound than that. There is care, hurt, trust, resentment, companionship, bitterness, and consideration...And ironically enough, thats just the tip of the iceberg.

If we break down their individual feelings towards each other, it will be easier to understand their bond.

On Chuuya's end, his feelings are much more clear due to his expressive personality. He wears his emotions on his sleeves, he can try and hide what he feels towards Dazai but his true feelings tend to unravel easily.

He sometimes tries to mask his feelings towards Dazai by throwing insults, but his facial expressions are enough to contradict what he is saying.

Chuuya's feelings towards Dazai can be easier to comprehend. He obviously feels this certain betrayal due to the fact Dazai left the Port Mafia. Not to mention, he and Dazai have always had a rivalry relationship.

In the Soukoku wiki page, it is stated that Chuuya is aware of Dazai not experiencing a proper childhood, therefore allows him to act as childish as he can and lets him tease him relentlessly. I don't know how reliable this source is, but either way I think its worthy enough to add.

In the Dragon head conflict when Dazai was out of sight, Chuuya told Mori to forget about Dazai. That was until Hirotsu mentioned a microscope, Chuuya quickly realizes it was code language because he remembered a previous conversation where Dazai says he needs a microscope to be able to see Chuuya properly.

The moment he figured out it was a tracker, Chuuya did not hesitate to jump in and rescue Dazai. But here is the catch: No one but Chuuya knew about the microscope, if Chuuya really didn't care for Dazai he wouldn't have mentioned the microscope and kept all this under wraps, leaving Dazai in a mess.

Chuuya trusts Dazai with his life. He never hesitates to leave his life on Dazai's hands when it has to come to it. Chuuya and Dazai have known each other for years, for Chuuya to be able to trust Dazai that much is because Dazai also cares for him too, right?

The answer here is yes, Dazai cares for Chuuya. In a superficial level, it doesn't seem like Dazai truly cares, but I can assure you that he does care for him. Weather you like to think of his care in a platonic or romantic manner, the care Dazai has for Chuuya is undeniable and extremely significant for Dazai's character.

I think that stormbringer establishes this idea even further. There is one specific moment in this light novel that shows his genuine concern towards Chuuya's well being:

"There is one problem." Dazai cut off his sentence hesitantly. "It has nothing to do with the sucess rate of the plan. It is a matter we have to overcome in the end but... It may require some time to decide."

"What's with you?" Chuuya raised his eyebrows at Dazai. "Stop dramatizing it. Just hurry up and say it."

"I said earlier about this control spell to open the 'gate' that is used to reset the command inside Chuuya, right?" Dazai spoke with a strangely restrained voice. "If we use that, the logs of the command formula that were written in the past will be erased. That means...even if the memory erasure was used on Chuuya in the past, the traces of that will be erased as well."

"What?"

"I told you before right, the memory erasure command. The only way we can confirm if Chuuya is human or not is to check the history to see if the memory erasure command was ever used. It means..." Dazai looked at Chuuya with eyes that he had never looked at him before. Those eyes were serious. "If we use that control spell, the method to confirm if Chuuya is an artificial personality created by a string of code, or just a normal human being, will be lost. For good."

The time had stopped.

Chuuya opened his eyes and looked towards Dazai but his eyes were not seeing anything. The wind blew between the two of them. Even so, Chuuya did not blink.

"Verlaine became like that because he was tormented by the curse that he was not human. That only is enough of a big problem. The matter of being human or not." Dazai looked at his pocket watch, gave it a glance and continued. "I can delay the time until the plan starts for about two minutes. I will send an order for my men to wait... You can think about it alone for a while. Cuz I guess its hard for you to collect your thoughts with me around."

Having said so, Dazai turned away and walked down the stairs, leaving Chuuya alone.

Dazai fixated in his pocket watch. Two more minutes. Too short for a life decision. But he couldn't afford more than that.

Inside Dazai's head, he was planning a procedure to swith to an alternative plan in case Chuuya refused, at a tremendous speed.

This section in stormbringer is personally one of my favorites, this is a very rare moment between both of them, but especially for Dazai. Like I stated earlier Chuuya wears his emotions on his sleeves, therefore even if he tries to mask his care with insults, its still painfully noticable that he genuienly looks after Dazai. Chuuya also sometimes show a vulnerable side of himself to Dazai, especially after using corruption.

Dazai on the other hand is extremely unreadable. Its hard to understand his true intentions and if he really cares for people or only sees them as a pawn. In this moment though, Dazai was being painfully genuine. Dazai literally prioritized Chuuya over the mission. He was already thinking of coming up with an alternative plan just in case Chuuya refused, obviously the sucess rate of the alternative plan would be lesser than the actual plan Dazai had in mind, he choose Chuuya's wellbeing over a mission.

In this section, Dazai wasn't throwing jokes or witty remarks, he was being serious. Because Dazai knows how desperately Chuuya wants to be human. He knows how important being human is to Chuuya.

Dazai wasn't manipulating Chuuya by giving him the chance to decide, we can see that Dazai was literally showing a lot of hesitation when mentioning this to him, we also get to see what Dazai was thinking, and we can tell he wasn't thinking about manipulative his movements in any way. All of this wasn't coming out of manipulation, it was coming out of pure care.

After six steps, Dazai reached the stair. He stepped on the stair and started walking down. Three steps down the stair, he heard a *clang*, a cool sound of metal echoing behind him. It sounded like the metal was kicked by the sole of someones shoes. The moment Dazai realized what the sound was, Dazai turned around in surprise.

There was already no one at the top.

Dazai was dazed for a moment, then he loosened his lips and laughed.

"Trying to act cool, huh?" Dazai smiled, both annoyed and relieved. Then he turned on his radio and sent out his order. "Chuuya has sallied, everyone get ready for battle."

I personally love this part so much, relief washed over Dazai the moment he noticed that Chuuya was going to go through with the first plan, which proves my point that he wasn't manipulating him and how Dazai was under a lot of stress because he wasn't sure if the alternative plan would be as effective as his original one.

Yet he still was willing to go through the alternative plan if Chuuya refused, because Dazai values him and regards his wellbeing.

Dazai was being surprisingly gentle in this section, he was being honest. There was no ulterior motive behind his actions here, just a boy looking after his partner.

"So i'm going to send an order to my men to prepare for action... Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay." Chuuya turned to Dazai. "Why are you asking me such a thing?"

Dazai didn't answer right away.

That was an unusual expression. It's like he was trying to say something, but he had to arrange the words in his head to decide where he should start. An expression he rarely shows.

This was right before Dazai drops the bomb to Chuuya about the memory erasure command. He was even asking for Chuuya's opinion on sending his men to get ready, this was the first time Dazai ever showed actual concern without masking it with witty remarks. You can tell that Chuuya isn't used to this.

And when you think about it, when Dazai and Chuuya have missions together, Dazai always uses corruption as a last resort and he always allows Chuuya to make the decision if they will be using it or not.

I personally belive that the main reason Chuuya trusts Dazai with using corruption is because The Sheep used to exploit his powers too much, but Dazai leaves the decision to use corruption up to Chuuya. Dazai understands the physical and mental toll corruption takes on Chuuya and therefore leaves the choice up to him.

Theres another section in stormbringer that I really enjoy, it doesn't necessairly show solicitude but I still think this should still be taken into consideration:

"You seem pretty confident that Chuuya is human, don't you?"

"I am," Dazai laughed with a sigh. "There is no way a man-made code could create such a personality that I detest so much."

Throughout the whole story, Dazai is more than determined that Chuuya is human. The main reason Dazai finds Chuuya so intresting is because of how frighteningly human Chuuya can be, because of the fact that he always wears his emotions on his sleeves, something Dazai rarely does himself. Thats personally a nice sentiment from Dazai's end, even when Chuuya struggles completely when it comes to believing in his own humanity, Dazai still can't help but see him as a human being.

Also I am aware that Dazai literally said he detests Chuuya here but he also sighed and laughed while stating this, showing us that he isn't being serious about hating him.

And its not only in stormbringer were he shows his concern towards Chuuya. In fact, in this following manga pannel Dazai is telling Chuuya that if he is willing to listen him, he will stage his own escape so that Chuuya doesn't get punnished.

Honestly, if Dazai didn't care enough for Chuuya, he wouldn't have mentioned this to him. Chuuya didn't care enough to realize that he literally unwillingly freed Dazai which would get the pm mad at him, so the fact that Dazai is literally helping him out is no doubt out of care for him. If Dazai didn't have any regard for Chuuya he would've not staged his escape or mentioned anything to Chuuya, eventually incriminating him.

There are many misconceptions when it comes to Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya, people think that he doesn't care for him due to the fact that he left the Port Mafia, leaving Chuuya behind. But heres the thing: Dazai's intentions had nothing to do with Chuuya. He left the organization for his own good, he left it to fullfill Oda's wish.

"If Dazai cared for Chuuya then why didn't he take Chuuya with him?" the reason is simple, he knows how much the PM means to Chuuya. In stormbringer it is shown that Chuuya feels as if his humanity is attached to the people he is loyal to, in this case its the port mafia. Verlaine wanted to get rid of the pm because he believed that the pm is what kept Chuuya's humanity, eventually making Chuuya believe that he is only human if he stays loyal to the pm. Dazai knows this. Thats exactly why he didn't take Chuuya with him or even explains to Chuuya why he left, he knows it would be selfish to basically rip Chuuya's sense of humanity apart.

I have a feeling that if Dazai told Chuuya about the real reason he left the Port Mafia, Chuuya will not only feel conflicted about being in the pm, but he would also have an inner conflict with himself as a human.

People also think Dazai may not really care for him because of the fact that after the fight against Lovecraft he actualy deserted him, maybe that part was truly just supposed to be seen as simple humor, but either way I want to talk about it. Chuuya's only request to Dazai was to take him back to base safe, so why did Dazai leave Chuuya behind?

I mean he has carried Chuuya back to saftey before with no problem, for example in stormbringer when Chuuya uses corruption for the first time Dazai carries him back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so that he could say goodbye to his passing friends.

The reson behind this is because Mori needs to know that unlike Dazai, Chuuya is absolutely loyal to him. Leaving Chuuya the way he did will make Mori believe that these two really are at each others throats and that Dazai is insignificant to Chuuya. Making it seem that for Chuuya, the mafia comes first before anything else.

Therefore Dazai established Chuuya's saftey within the mafia since not only does Mori want these two to be hostile with each other, he doesn't want Chuuya to eventually turn against him if he truly found out more about Dazai's true reason of departure. Then again, this isn't canon but it is a logical assumption.

Not to mention that although Dazai did leave him behind, he folded Chuuya's coat and hat before taking his leave. There is also an an extra chapter where Ozaki Kouyou was talking with Chuuya but when he left he forgot his coat, which made Kouyou came across the coat; where she noticed a badge sewed inside saying "Name: Hatrack", she smiled fondly thinking to herself that some things just never change, in this case, Dazai and Chuuya's bond.

Dazai literally took his time to sew this into his coat just to tease him, it was a simple gesture but it shows us how their dynamic will never change. No matter what these two go through, they will always share a bond that consists on teasing, trust and underlying care.

All of this actually makes that theory of Dazai planting a bomb under Chuuya's car for the sole reason that the PM doesn't find Chuuya as an acomplice who aided Dazai on his escape much more feasable.

For Dazai to just plant a bomb under Chuuya's car with no motive makes no sense because if Dazai's true intentions were to simply mess with Chuuya, he would've most likely made it clear at that time. Dazai always has an underlying motive behind his actions, and in this case it is very likely that he did that for Chuuya's sake.

Don't get me wrong, I am aware that the bomb incident could've just been a comedic moment and I shouldn't look too much into it, but there is still a posibility, right?

These two hold so much trust and care for one another, yet they also hold a lot of bitterness and resentment. In the end the good aspects of their dynamic outweighs the bad.

Either you see these two in a platonic or romantic way, you can't tell me that their bond isn't significant.

Thank you so much for reading!! I wanted to talk about this for a while because I feel like people misinterpret Dazai's feelings towards Chuuya a lot so I hope this clears up things a bit<3

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ms-demeanor · 5 years

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The Very Basics of Not Killing Your Computer

AVOID HEAT STRESS

If you have a laptop DO NOT use it on a soft surface like a pillow or on a blanket, it’ll block the vents on your computer and make it get really fucking hot inside.

If you have a desktop you gotta open it up and blow out the dust sometimes.

If you are moving your laptop in a bag turn the laptop off. Don’t put it to sleep, don’t just shut the screen, turn it off, because otherwise it’s in the bag generating heat and there’s nowhere for the heat to go in the bag. OFF. Not sleep. OFF.

DO NOT DROP

Okay I know that should be obvious but drop damage to your hard drive is bad bad news. Be as careful as you can to set your computer gently on flat surfaces; don’t leave it hanging out on a bed where it can get knocked off, don’t set it on the roof of your car. And yes, just dropping it a couple inches can kill your hard drive or totally shatter your screen.

DON’T PUT SHIT ON YOUR KEYBOARD

Look I’ve seen four people ruin their laptops because they had a pen on the keyboard and closed the laptop and it fucked up the screen and the keyboard and it sucks so much and you feel awful after it happens because it’s so avoidable just don’t put things on your keyboard and always check that your laptop is clear before you close it.

PROTECT YOUR PORTS ON YOUR LAPTOP

You’ve only got one power jack and a limited number of other inputs on your computer and if they detach from the motherboard you’re fucked. USB ports get damaged because people use them a lot and eventually it weakens the connection and then they just stop working and it sucks. You can get around this with USB ports by using a USB hub to connect things like your keyboard and mouse.

For your power plug you just gotta be careful. Avoid tripping over the cord at all costs, don’t yank the plug out of the computer. It will SUCK VERY MUCH A LOT if you have to buy a new computer because the power port lost contact with the motherboard.

Don’t move your computer with things plugged into it. Take the power cord off before you put your laptop in the bag, take out the USB mouse dongle, do not travel with little nubby bits sticking out of your computer that can easily get caught or get tweaked or snap off inside of the thing.

(I really can’t emphasize enough that most of the “it will cost more than it’s worth to fix this” laptops I see are because of USB ports and power jacks. People don’t seem to know that this isn’t something that can be fixed easily; a broken power jack is a “remove the motherboard and resoldier components” job, not a “plug a new one in in fifteen minutes” job and most computer repair shops aren’t going to solder things for you and if they DO it’s going to be very expensive)

RESTART YOUR SHIT AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH AND JUST LET THE FUCKING UPDATES RUN

You should probably restart more than once a month but whatever. This is actually something that I consider part of reducing heat stress because when your processor is straining to keep up with all the background bullshit that’s running from a program you opened three weeks ago it’s going to use up resources and get hot and look just restart it once in a while.

Also the updates are almost always okay and safe and generally running updates is a good and secure thing to do (though maybe follow a blog dedicated to the OS you run because if there IS a problem with the updates that blog will probably talk about it before the update gets forced on your computer)

ANTIVIRUS BULLSHIT

Yes you should probably be running an antivirus.

Sophos is free and it’s fine. But don’t pay for it - if you’re using Sophos use the free version.

If you’re looking for something paid and a little more comprehensive I recommend ESET - get the cheap version, renewals cost less than the initial purchase, and feel free to get a multi-year version, the credentials follow your email not the computer so if your computer dies before your license expires you can install the license on a new computer.

DO NOT INSTALL NORTON OR MCAFEE THEY ARE EXPENSIVE BULLSHIT. Kaspersky is whatever. It’s less bullshit than Norton or McAfee but not as good as ESET for about the same cost.

If you think you’ve got a virus run the free version of Malwarebytes and get your shit cleaned.

KEEP LIQUIDS THE FUCK AWAY FROM YOUR COMPUTER

Again this should be obvious and yet. But seriously, just make a rule for yourself that drinks aren’t allowed on the same table as your computer and you’ll save yourself a lot of headaches.

PLUG YOUR COMPUTER INTO A UPS

Okay I fucking hate amazon but here’s a thing you should be using, just search the rest of the internet for “surge protector/UPS” and you’ll find something that isn’t from amazon - APC is a solid brand for this.

Basically you want a fat surge protector that has a little bit of a battery backup and you want to plug your computer (desktop OR laptop) into that instead of into the wall. The benefit of this is twofold:

1) if there’s a power surge the UPS will prevent your computer’s power supply from getting fried and possibly frying parts of your motherboard

2) if there’s a power outage and you’re *at* your computer you’ll have enough time to save what you’re working on before your computer loses power (like, you’ll maybe only have a minute or two on a small UPS but that’s still time to hit CTRL+S and keep from losing work)

At a bare, bare minimum your computer should be plugged into a surge protector but NOT directly into the wall.

BACK YOUR SHIT UP

[we interrupt this yelling for me to tell you that Western Digital has apparently released their new My Passport line and I’m obligated to inform you that you can get a 2.5″ USB 3.0 backup drive with FIVE FUCKING TERABYTES OF STORAGE for $130. Or you can get 4TB for $93. Or you can get 1TB for $53. basically what I’m saying is that it is not only cheap computer season it is also cheap hard drive season.]

[also if you’re getting a backup drive get western digital not seagate seagate fucking sucks and has a much higher failure rate]

Uh, okay, anyway - Do an image backup of your computer every once in a while so that if you get infected or your hard drive dies or whatever you can just restore from backup and move on like nothing happened.

HERE’S HOW TO DO AN IMAGE BACKUP.

SAVE YOURSELF THE WEAR AND TEAR

You know what is cheap? USB Keyboards and USB mice. You know what is not cheap? Fixing the touchpad on a laptop or replacing a laptop keyboard.

Get yourself a USB hub, a USB Keyboard and a USB Mouse (wired or wireless, doesn’t matter) and if you’re using your laptop at home plug *that* into your computer.

Also if your keyboard on your laptop breaks it’s fine just to use a USB keyboard instead I promise; if the screen breaks it’s also usually cheaper and easier to get a used or inexpensive monitor than it is to replace the screen. Your laptop is basically just a very small version of whatever bullshit is going on inside a desktop, if the peripherals break but the core components are fine you can just use it like a desktop.

Unless it’s a piece of shit that doesn’t have any USB ports or video out in which case you got ripped off, friend, demand functionality in your devices I’m sorry.

/rant

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linkspooky · 4 years

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Kunikida + Oda: Death of a Good Man

While Kunikida and Oda have never met in canon they are characters with a lot in common. They both essentially play the same role, as the moral center of their respective groups (particularly acting as a conscience for Dazai). They both share the same strengths and weaknesses. However, one lives and one dies. MORE UNDER THE CUT.

1. Relationship with Dazai

Dazai is a character who has trouble seeing himself as a person. That is, he doesn’t see himself as the same as everyone else. (His ability is titled No Longer Human, surprise, surprise). Oda says as much to Dazai, that traditional values like good or evil don’t really mean that much to him.

“Whether you’re on the side that takes lives, or the side that saves them nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander for eternity.”

...

“Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, then choose to be a good person.” - Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era

It’s not that Dazai is a sociopath, or even unfeeling, it’s just that he is so distanced from his own humanity, and from other people. He genuinely believes he can’t feel the same way as they do. Dazai even described the way he saw himself to Fyodor.

Dazai tells Fyodor that he feels like he’s sperate from everyone else. It’s like he’s the player, and everybody else is pieces on the game board. But, even though he might come up with strategies and move the pieces, he’s not really the one changing things, or affecting other people’s lives because he’s not right there in the middle of things he’s far away.

Dazai even flashes back to Oda and Gide’s final showdown when trying to explain this feeling to Fyodor. Oda his closest and only friend at the time, who he could not reach out to and save. Dazai believes he can’t touch other people, he can’t reach out and save them, because he sees himself as lacking in feelings or a heart. Which is why, Dazai relies on the people around him. Dazai attached himself to Oda when he was in the Mafia, and then again to Kunikida when he was detective agency to essentially act as his heart, his external conscience for him. That’s the relationship he shares with both of them. It’s why the first two light novels are essentially about Dazai, but narrated from the point of view of his partner at the time. Light novel one is about his partnership with Kunikida, and Light Novel 2 is about his friendship with Oda back in the dark age. The connection between them is that both Oda, and Kunikida are good, just men who have tried to understand Dazai in one way or another.

The events of both light novels even mirror each other to an extent. Entrance exam is about Dazai joining the agency, Dark Era is about Dazai leaving the mafia. Entrance exam is about Kunikida failing to understand Dazai, but learning to trust him anyway. Dark Era is about Oda being the only one who fully understands Dazai, but then not listening to him at the end of the story. They both end with a symbolic death, Oda commits double suicide with Gide, whereas Kunikida pretends to shoot Dazai in order to follow his plan.

Dazai’s a master strategist, but he’s not a leader of men, nor does he have any particular ideals he stands for. Dazai was given a position of leadership within the port mafia, and not only did he spend the entire time tormenting his closest subordinate but he didn’t care about the lives of his subordinates the way Chuuya does.

Dazai sees Kunikida as someone having the ideals he does not have, therefore doing what he cannot, and being what he cannot be to others. This is a role Oda used to serve as his one and only friend. However, while they occupy the same spot as Dazai’s most trusted person their relationships with him are very different.

Kunikida is very combative with Dazai and always fighting against him. He personally expects Dazai to be better in all aspects. He scolds him for being lazy and neglecting his work. When Dazai messes with other people or manipulates them, it’s Kunikida who is the first to get frustrated with him. Kunikida also, tends to lack a fundamental understanding of Dazai. It’s a running joke that he’s always a step behind him (he’s the last person to find out Dazai was a mafia member when everyone else already knew). The literal first thing established about their relationship in the first chapter, is that they are constantly fighting with each other. They barely make it through a dinner with Atsushi.

However, Kunikida also listens to Dazai when it’s important. It’s the other way around with Oda, Oda is someone who does fundamentally understand who Dazai really is deep down. However, at the same time Oda doesn’t really try to exert any influence over Dazai until the very end of his life. Their relationship was defined by being distant to one another, and not asking questions.

The reason why Ango and I were able to be by his side was that we understood the solitude that surrounded him, and we never stepped inside it no matter how close we stood.

But in that moment, I kind of regretted not stepping in and invading that solitude.

Dazai Osamu and the Dark Era.

Him, Ango and Dazai could only keep meeting as the Buraiha at the Lupin bar if they pretended to not know anything about what each other did outside of the bar. They’re different in one main aspect, Kunikida fights Dazai, and Oda doesn’t start fighting until it’s almost far too late.

2. Living and Dying for One’s Ideals

One more direct parallel between the two is that Kunikida and Oda are both characters who strive to live up to the ideal they find in a book. Literally. Kunikida obsessively writes out his ideals in his notebook where he has his whole future planned out.

What are ideals? There are innumerable answers to that question. One could say it’s merely a term, or an idea, or perhaps even the soruce of all meaning. But if you ask me, the answer is obvious. It’s the word written on the cover of my notebook. My notebook has all the answers. It is my creed, my master, and a prophet that guides me. At times, it can either be a weapon ro a solution. Ideals. Everything I am is written in this notebook which I always carry with me. My entire future lies within it - Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exam

Oda picked up a book and loved it so much he wanted to write the ending for himself.

After worrying about it for so long, I came to one conclusion. “Then you write what happens next.” I decided to write about it myself. I would become a novelist, and write a story about why the man stopped killing. But to become a novelist, I needed to sincerely know what it meant to live. So, I stopped killing. - Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era.

Kunikida and Oda are both characters who find their will to live for the future within the pages of a book. Which makes sense as both characters struggle with lofty ideals and a harsh reality. Oda and Kunikida are characters written about the struggle to be a good man, in a world that is not good. To hold ideals, in a world that is not ideal. This once again ties back to what Dazai said to Fyodor, God isn’t perfect harmony, he’s illogical and absurd.

The world isn’t ideal and orderly. It’s extremely, extremely messy. Kunikida and Oda are both characters who strive to be better, and want the world to be better and because of that they fall into conflict. However, Oda lost his fight, and Kunikida is still fighting. Part of why Dazai got so attached to Kunikida is also because he saw Oda’s ideals within Kunikida, and knew that carrying those ideals could crush him so easily.

“Justice is a weapon. It can be used to harm, but it cannot protect and save others.” -Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exams

The meanings of Dazai’s words are clear when you look at them in the context of what he learned after losing Oda. Oda decided to throw his life away to avenge the children after Gide. He achieved justice then. However, nobody was saved. The children were already dead. Oda himself wasn’t saved. Dazai lost his only friend.

“Something?” I looked at Dazai. “There isn’t anything, Dazai. It’s all over. Everything. Whatever else happens now is meaningless - just like I’m about to do. AM I wrong?” “Odasaku...” Dazai said softly. “Forgive me for the absurd wording but - don’t go. Find something to rely on. Expect good things to happen from here on out. There’s gotta be soemthing...”

[...]

Oda’s march against Gide isn’t just tragic, it’s a deliberate choice. It was a suiide. He’s given several oppurtunities to just walk away, or wait for something else to give him a reason to live and he doesn’t. His final actions hurt more than they helped. Yes, he did save Dazai in a way by throwing his life away, but Dazai also lost the person who could understand him. Oda could have lived. He could have done more if he had lived. Dazai even says so in dead apple, saving people is the more beautiful path, but you have to be alive to see that beauty.

This is also why Kunikida and Oda have such a connection to Dazai. Underneath their struggles to be a good man they are both constantly dealing with suicidal feelings.

Kunikida is far more fragile than he lets on. Part of the reason he attaches himself to ideals rather than people, is because caring about people hurts, and he is so afraid of failing the people in his life (the same way Oda eventually failed to protect the children) that he can’t admit the depth to which he cares about them.

Kunikida struggles to save everyone in front of him, but that’s also because Kunikida is internally someone who is very fragile. He can’t handle the loss, especially losing those he is close to. When Atsushi is hospitalized after his first fight with Akutagawa, he pretends to be unconcerned. When Atsushi wants to save Kyoka, Kunikida tries to persuade him to not save her. Oda and Kunikida are both avoidant characters, Oda avoided ever stepping inside of Dazai’s loneliness, and Kunikida avoids getting close to others because they fear the people they cannot save. Kunikida cares so much and so deeply, that he’s completely shattered when he fails someone.

Every strategy by the detective agency’s enemies relies on crushing Kunikida because he’s the easiest target. When he fails like this he wants to give up. Kunikida and Oda have this dark underside to their actions where they’re fighting continually to be better, but when they fail, they long to throw their lives away and give up the struggle.

Part of the reason they’re attracted to Dazai is deep down Kunikida and Oda both have the same suicidal feelings. Kunikida knows that his ideals will never live up to the reality.

However, secretly he longs to fail so he won’t have to struggle against it anymore.

“I let go of Dazai. I understand what he’s aying. Perhaps righteousness isn’t something you seek in others, but something you search for inside of yourself. Even then... Miss Sasaki is dead, and so is Rokuzo. All I’ve found in my search for righteousness within myself is a sense of hopelessness.”

Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exam

The question is can you continue to live? Even if you fail over and over again to do better. Even if the things you try to protect all die. Kunikida’s arc so far mirrors Oda’s. The things he told himself he would protect, he failed to. The promises he made, he breaks. He said he was never going to watch a child die in front of him, and then it happens.

He said he was never going to fail to protect the agency again, but then the agency became the victims of the hunting dogs, and Kunikida had to go completely on the run. He said he was going to throw himself away in a big bang against the hunting dogs to show his ideals would never fail, and instead.

He even loses his ideals and his ability to write in the notebook. So, what is the difference between Kunikida and Oda that allows Kunikida to keep struggling where Oda did not. I think it’s not really a difference between them, so much as it’s a difference between Dazai. Dazai’s grown since then and realized his mistakes with Oda, and because of that doesn’t stay at a comfortable distance from Kunikida.

Dazai has grown enough between then and now he’s able to reach people who feel similiarly to him. He understood the suicidal feelings of both Kunikida, and Oda, but he didn’t reach out to Oda until it was too late. However, Dazai has grown to the point where he not only understands Kunikida’s struggle and sympathizes with him, but he’s also able to say the words he couldn’t say to Oda until it was too late.

There’s no such thing as a point of no return. There is no point where everything is already over. Even if you fail to protect someone, even if you fail to protect everyone.

"Anything I would never want to lose will be lost. It is given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it. There's nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging life of suffering."

Dazai is still the same person that said this. Deep down that’s what Kunikida and Oda both fear, that after Oda failed the orphans, that after Kunikida could not save an innocent child in front of them, that no matter how hard they fought all of their attempts to protect someone would fail that way. At which point their fighting seemed to become meaningless.

Dazai knowing those feelings has moved past that lament. He still believes that the struggle may be meaningless, but he reassures them that they can keep fighting anyway.

If there’s no great glorious ideal to live for, if nothing we do matters, than all that matters is what we do. The world isn’t good, the world will never be as good as we want it to be, yet Kunikida can still strive to be good in the face of that.

#dazai osamu #kunikida doppo #oda sakunosuke #odasaku #bungou stray dogs #bsd meta #bungou stray dogs meta #bungou stray dogs theory #bungou stray dogs analysis

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in-tua-deep · 4 years

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Prompt idea that I sincerely don't know anywhere else to put out, but what if, one mother of the seven like... delayed giving up the baby idk why, but like, in the end the child goes to the academy, but like... they know the world outside this mansion full of all sorts of abuse and violence, and so is trying to bring good sense and awareness to all of other children somehow, even though like... you don't know very much or correctly the things in general, but is trying anyway because yeah

okay okay i will bite

it's gonna be Five bc u know how I roll by now and you didn't specify a child, so this is a non-twin world uwu

I see some people naming him Fievel so we're gonna have to go with that, nicknamed Five by the other kids who thought it was absolutely hilarious to ask "which one?" whenever Reginald snaps “Five!”

Though officially, of course, Five is number seven.

So Fievel is born in a park to a mother who was never prepared to have achild, but held him in the hospital and looked into the eyes of a man offering her money for her newborn and she says - no.

Because she’s poor, yes, and she’s working two jobs to make ends meet, and this man might be able to provide for her child but - she doesn’t like the fact that he offered her money. As though he could place a price on a human life.

(His stupid mustache might have played a role as well. Bastard.)

So she keeps little Fievel, and it’s hard. It’s so hard. Babies are expensive, and she was barely making enough as it was, but her best friend works from home and offers to take him sometimes during the day instead of a more expensive daycare. Some of her other friends ask around relatives and friends and hunt through garage sales until she has a passable amount of baby items.

It would be easier if Fievel wasn’t such a precocious child. He’s curious and into everything, a loud baby that demands attention.

“C’mon Fi,” She begs her three-year-old son from where she’s draped across the sofa. Aren’t kids supposed to sleep a lot? Why did she end up with the one kid in the world who is on the go twenty four seven? “Can we please take a nap?”

“No.” Fievel says with a mulish look in his eyes and he shoves a book towards her face and almost takes her eye out with a corner of it, “Wead to me.”

And she sighs, and she’s so tired, but she hauls herself up and pats the sofa next to her and her little boy beams at her with such - such love that it almost takes her breath away. “Dogger, again? How many times have we read this?”

Fievel kicks at her with his little soft foot, and she catches it in a hand and smiles and she drops the book in her lap to bring her other hard over to dust feather light fingertips against her baby’s sides.

He’s terribly ticklish and giggles even as he shrieks “NO” loud enough that their neighbors will probably complain to her about it again. But in that moment she doesn’t care as she brings her head down to blow raspberries on her son’s stomach and make him laugh.

She loves him so much.

(But she never has any time. Her friendships are more distant now, because she’s either at work or spending time with her son. She’s always exhausted because she works such long hours and Fievel keeps her awake when she’s a home. She doesn’t blame him, he didn’t ask to be born into the world any more than she asked for him, really. But it’s hard.)

Fievel is a curious child. She takes him to children’s museums and zoos on the discount days and watches him run around with seemingly endless energy. She has to keep a careful eye on him otherwise he will disappear, get distracted and wander off no matter how many times she’s tried to tell him to never do so.

Then he turns four.

Her baby is so smart. And he’s restless. And even though the place she works has a daycare through them, the people there are one incident away from banning Fievel. She thinks that’s dumb, considering they’re the ones that didn’t watch Fievel closely enough and lost him almost four times in recent months.

So she signs him up for preschool.

She gets him a brand new outfit for the day, fussing over him until he’s all squirmy and pouty and slapping her hands away with all the grump that a four-year-old can muster.

She sends him off to daycare with ruffled hair and a wide smile and tries not to worry too much.

She’s at work when she gets a call from the school informing her that they’ve lost her son. She hurriedly lets her boss know and sweeps out of work without a backwards glance, showing up at the school just as her phone rings again and a flustered individual informs her that they’ve located him.

“I have no idea how he got out.” The frazzled teacher looks close to tears when she meets with the poor woman, giving Fievel a fierce look that promises that they will be having a talk about this.

“I din’t do anything.” Fievel pipes up mulishly, “I didn’t go nowhere, the class did.”

She pinches the bridge of her nose, and faces the teacher apologetically. After a pointed comment from a friend, she’s been vaguely looking into ADHD since her kid is like this, “I’ll have a talk with him.”

“I’ll - I’ll make sure to keep a better eye on him.” The woman looks floored that she isn’t tearing strips out of the school administration for losing her toddler. Actually when it’s phrased like that she probably should be more pissed off. But she also knows her kid and what a handful her is.

So she takes him home and sits him down.

“This can’t happen again, Fi.” She tells him, and he’s got his little arms crossed and he’s pouting with his entire body. “I mean it. I had to leave work, and you know I have to work.”

“You don’t hafta.” Fievel says harshly, “What about me?”

She sits on the couch next to him, heart heavy, “Baby, you know I have to work so that we can have things and go places.”

Her son scrabbles up on his knees and puts his hand on her arms and gives her big eyes, “I don’t need lotsa toys. An’ we don’t hafta go to the zoo.”

“Oh baby,” She pulls him into her arms and lets him snuggle into her, “I gotta work. And you gotta go to school and be good. Okay? You can’t be leaving the classroom again.”

“I din’t mean to.” Fievel sniffles, and she hugs him just a little tighter as the tears start to flow.

“It’s okay.” She murmurs into his hair, “I got you.”

To his credit, Fievel does his best. He still manages to leave the classroom somehow, seemingly whenever the teacher is looking away. No one seems to know how he does it. Emma who sits next to him exclaims that he just vanished like he went BAM and wasn’t there all of a sudden!

(Oh, the imagination of four-year-olds, the teacher thinks to herself.)

But whenever he does he seems to come back within fifteen to thirty minutes. Sometimes the teacher doesn’t even notice he’s gone before he’s knocking on the (locked) classroom door to be let back in. They don’t call his mother about the incidents anymore and the teachers nickname him Houdini with a sort of despair.

Fievel is four-and-a-half when he’s taking a walk with his mother down to the park. He’s got his little rainboots on because he always wades into the pond and he likes the slosh of the water on his feet when it goes over the top, and his little duck shirt. He’s making loud quacking noises which don’t actually sound anything like a duck but when he looks at her for approval she nods with a smile.

They’re crossing the road at the crosswalk, holding hands because they always do, when the car comes careening around the corner.

She can’t react in time, eyes widening and she’s hollering and she moves to push her son and she only has eyes for him as she places her body between him and the car and -

She watches his eyes go wide and afraid and she

watches

him

disappear

and then the car clips her and she’s sent sprawling and that’s the last thing she remembers.

She wakes up in the hospital hours later with a concussion, a broken arm, several broken ribs, and a lots of scrapes. She’s lucky, they tell her. She demands to know where her son is.

Hours later, when she’s worked herself up into a right tizzy, her son sprints into the room followed shortly by some very harried looking cops and she has to haul him into the bed so that he doesn’t hurt himself getting up.

“Gentle, gentle.” She warms him, wincing when he bangs a knee into her bad ribs, “I’m a little tender at the moment, baby.”

“You got hurt!” Fievel yells at the tops of his lungs and then immediately bursts into loud and terrified tears. So she ignores her bad ribs and messed up arm and cradles him close to her making shushing noises and stroking his back until he’s cried himself out and drops off right there in the hospital bed.

She gets out of the hospital with a cast and a bill she can’t afford right now and she sits Fievel down on the couch.

She wants to write off the fact that her son literally vanished before her eyes to the concussion. But - she thinks about a locked preschool classroom and a son that has a tendency to vanish when she takes her eyes off of him and -

It makes too much sense.

“Baby.” She asks, “Can you teleport?”

“What’s tell-ee-port?” Fievel asks, scrunching up his nose.

“Do you find yourself in other places without getting up and going to them?”

“Yeah.” Fievel states it so easily, like she’s dumb. “I told you so.”

She pressed her fingers to her face, “Can you do it now?”

Fievel frowns and then scrunches up his face real hard and then -

He’s gone. And then he’s opening his bedroom door and scurrying back out. He runs over and tugs at her pants eagerly, “I did it! Did I do good?”

She crouches down and ruffles his hair even though it kills her ribs, because she can’t pick him up with a broken arm. “Yeah baby,” She praises him, mind moving at an hour a minute, “You did good.”

That night she lays in her bed and watches Fievel’s chest rise and fall as he sleeps. He sprawls out like a starfish but sometimes in the night always buries himself into her side like a tick. She’s put a pillow in between them to try and spare her poor ribs, but she has doubts it will work.

Her son can fucking teleport.

That’s when she cries. Because she loves her son, but he’s a handful. She didn’t even notice. She didn’t notice that he son has a superpower. Doesn’t that make her the worst mother in the world?

Crying is a terrible idea. Her ribs are painful enough that she can’t sleep. She needs to ration her pain medication because they really can’t afford it.

How is she supposed to handle this? How is she supposed to raise a child that can vanish without a second thought? Her bright beautiful boy who loves feeding the ducks and being pushed on the swings and playing unfathomable games with his friend Emma that she can’t even begin to understand the plot of.

(She’s almost certain one of them is supposed to be a cheetah for some reason? Or a lion? There’s a lot of running involved in the game, and hiding.)

It’s a few months later when her arm is healed and her ribs are better and Fievel is turning five when everything comes crashing down. Because she doesn’t get a call from the school. She gets a call from the police.

Apparently Fievel managed to get out of the school far enough away that he got lost. He admits tearfully to her that he’s been getting further and further away when he ‘jumps’ - and it’s not his fault. He tries not to jump. But it happens whether he wants it to or not and if he keeps getting further and further away then -

She thinks of a car and a road and putting her body between death and her son. And she thinks about the fact that when he jumps, she isn’t there.

Look. She’s not stupid. She always knew that her kid wasn’t exactly a normal child.

(Hello. He’s practically a miracle. She wasn’t exactly a virgin but that doesn’t really matter when she was very suddenly nine months pregnant where she hadn’t been before.)

So she reckons that the powers have something to do with that. And who does she know that definitely has a child who was also one of the miracle babies?

(He’d mentioned he’d already acquired like, what, four kids when he came to see her. As though that was supposed to make her want to give up her kid even more.)

So she requests some vacation days (that she can’t afford) and she pulls Fievel out of preschool for a week (it’s preschool it’s not that important) and they fly over to a city where she can hopefully get some answers.

(Fievel spends the whole flight with his face pressed to the window and his plane toy clutched tightly in one hand and his stuffed dog in the other as he enthusiastically makes whooshing noises.)

And she goes up the the big mansion thing and knocks and goes inside where she smiles at Fievel and tells him to go play with the other children while she talks to Mr. Hargreeves, thank you baby.

As she clenches her hands into fists and listens to Sir Reginald Hargreeves condescend to her about her ability as a mother, Fievel enthusiastically bounces over to the kids his age who stare at him like they’ve never seen anything like him before in their life.

(“I’m Fievel!” He introduces himself loudly, “And this is Doggy! My mama is here to speak to your dad.”

“Uh. I’m Six.” A bewildered little girl says back.

Fievel blinks, “Oh! I just turned five.”

The girl giggles, “No! No I mean my name’s Six. but I’m five-years-old as well.”

“That’s a funny name.” Fievel says.

“Nuh uh.” The girl refutes, “Your name is weird. See, ‘cause we’re all numbers ‘n you’re not.”

And he’s introduced to them all. One is tall and awkward looks. Two hides behind the others a little bit. Three has her hands on her hips and she looks at him, but softens when he tells her that he likes her hair. Four is a skinny wisp of a kid, with big wide eyes and no sense of personal space. Five sticks pretty close to Four. And Six, of course, is the one who talked to him first which obviously means that they’re temporary best friends.

Temporary, because of course Emma is his best friend. ‘Cause she’s in his class and they sit near each other and play together with each other first.)

And his mother comes out to Fievel bossing the others around and them going with it, all with bewildered little expressions on their faces. Fievel is balancing on the back of the sofa next to a little girl who is holding Doggy, possibly in the middle of an evil villain speech? The little girl is solemnly petting Doggy like she’s a Bond villain at the very least.

It makes her smile, just a little bit.

“Fievel, baby, can you come here for a second?” She asks, and her son beams at him and vanishes from his seat over to by her leg where he pulls on her leg so that she’ll sweep him up into her arms.

(The children gape at him, all wide eyes and staring between them and their father like they’re shocked. And they probably are. Reginald has informed her that none of them can teleport, but they do have a variety of weird powers between them.)

“You know that you’re getting big.” She says, and she tries not to cry, “And you’re not going to be in preschool soon enough.”

“Yeah!” He enthuses, “Gonna learn real stuff!”

And that’s just like her son. Voraciously hungry for knowledge.

“Well, this is a school for very special people.” She tells him, and watches his eyes go big and round, “People who... can teleport, for example.”

Fievel considers that. And then twists around to look at the other children, “You can teleport?” He demands loudly, like it’s a betrayal of the highest form that they’ve been friends for an hour and this hasn’t been brought up. And maybe it is. She doesn’t claim to understand the intricacies of children’s hierarchy.

“Uh uh!” A little boy exclaims, frowning. “I can just throw stuff real good.”

“I’m strong.” Another little boy offers. And then proceeds to demonstrate this by picking up half the couch and sending the little girl careening onto the floor with a shout, but she gets up and dusts herself off easily enough.

“Okay.” Fievel says brightly, appeased by this somehow as he twists back to his mother expectantly.

“Okay.” She says, her mouth dry. “Well. This is a special school for special kids. It’s, uh. It’s a boarding school.”

“What’s that?”

“It means you stay here.” She tells him. “I’ll - I’ll come and see you when I can. And you can call me whenever you want. But you have to stay here.”

“Like a sleepover?” Fievel asks, scrunching his face up in confusion.

“A little bit.” Her smile feels weak and forced and she can’t even see it. “Like a lot of sleepovers all in a row. And when you wake up, you don’t need to go anywhere because you live at the school.”

“Uh uh. I live at home.”

“Baby...” She cards her fingers through his hair. “I know it’s scary. I don’t want you to go either - ”

“Then I don’t gotta.” Fievel says, matter of fact as he starts wiggling to get down. She hefts him up in her arms.

“Baby. Fievel. Listen to me.” She says firmly, “I can’t take care of you well enough.”

He looks at her with betrayed eyes.

“It’s not your fault. You can’t control your powers.” She tells him softly, because she loves him and she doesn’t want to give him up but - “I can’t keep you safe, baby. And the teachers can’t keep you safe. But you’ll be safe here.”

“I don’t want to.” Fievel says, loudly. In the tone which says that a tantrum is approaching.

“You’ll learn how to control your powers!” She says in a forced cheery voice.

“I’m going to school with Emma.” Fievel insists in a slightly louder voice.

“You’re already getting along great with the other kids.” She insists.

“NO.” Fievel says, at maximum volume, and then he’s gone from her arms and she’s stumbling because it’s weird to go from holding something to nothing.

“He’ll show up in a bit.” She assures Sir Hargreeves, beyond tired. He’s been watching the whole interaction and she hopes he hasn’t gotten a negative impression of her son.

If he’s able to handle six other super powered children then surely he can handle hers. No matter what he asks. No matter how difficult it was to sign over the rights to her child. He promised that she can visit Fievel on weekends whenever she wants, for however long her son wants to do so.

He’s going to keep her child safe. He won’t be running out onto streets. He’ll be able to train his powers, be able to control them, and maybe one day -

(Maybe one day she’ll get her baby back. Safe and sound in her arms and able to control his powers so she doesn’t have to worry at all.)

So she leaves, and she leaves Fievel alone. And no matter how much he screams and cries and begs, no one lets him go back to his mother. He tries to run off, tries to jump away and follow after her - but a blond woman in pristine skirts comes and retrieves him.

(He tries to jump away, but she keeps coming and finding him until he’s too tired to protest when she carries him back to his new (prison) school in her arms.)

Reginald tries to lock him in his room. He jumps out. Reginald tries to put him in time out. He jumps out. Reginald says he doesn’t get any dinner. Fievel jumps downstairs and raids the cupboards in the night.

It becomes an intense battle of wills between Sir Reginald Hargreeves and little Fievel.

Locks go on the cabinets, Fievel breaks them off by bashing them with one of the bookends he manages to snag. Reginald refuses to let Fievel play with the others. Fievel runs away again and has to be brought back by the blond lady.

(“You can call me Grace if you’re so against mom.” she had told him demurely, after he yelled himself hoarse telling her that she’s not his mother that he has a mother and that she’s so much better in every way)

Then Reginald takes Doggy away, and Fievel begrudgingly has to fall in line lest he risk his stuffed companion. One of the only links to his real life he has.

(He doesn’t even get to keep his clothes. He has to wear the stiff awful uniform that the other kids wear. It’s the absolute worst. He looks stupid but no one listens to him.)

When his mother comes to visit, Fievel is sullen and still angry with her for abandoning him. He sulks and doesn’t talk to her a lot.

He grows like this. The Umbrella Academy turns six, and then others receive names after Fievel loudly points out that having numbers for names is weird and that no one should ever trust a man who names his kids numbers it’s lazy and stupid.

So One becomes Luther and Two becomes Diego and Three becomes Allison and Four becomes Klaus and Five becomes Ben and Six becomes Vanya.

And Fievel becomes Five.

They all think it’s really funny, that they all get names instead of numbers and Five gets a number instead of a name.

He’s six and Reginald sits him down and tells him in no uncertain terns that his mother essentially sold him. That Reginald controls him. And if Five isn’t a good boy then... well. Bad boys don’t get to visit their mothers.

(Reginald finds a far more... effective way of controlling Five than a stuffed animal.)

(Good boys also don’t talk to their mothers about their training. They smile and act happy and lie because they want to keep seeing her. They don’t tell her about how scary it is, how they desperately want to come home, how maybe their mother could take all the kids because they don’t even have mothers and it isn’t fair.)

So Five grows bigger, gets new uniform, clashes with Reginald as much as he dares, and settles in to life at the academy. He sprawls across Vanya’s floor and tries to remember all the story books he read with his mother.

(There’s only grown up books in the manor that they’re expected to read. And Five likes them, he loves to learn, but - he misses storytime. He misses the wonderful books about adventure and other worlds. He misses when he felt like he was going to go on an adventure because he had powers and was special!

He doesn’t wish he’s special anymore.)

Vanya asks him once why he hangs out with her, because she’s normal. Because she doesn’t have powers.

And Five looks at her and tells her that that’s the stupidest thing he’s ever heard. He spend years surrounded by people without powers. He tells her about his best friend Emma, who definitely didn’t have powers.

“I wish I had a best friend.” Vanya tells him, face sad and drawn and Five pulls her into the fiercest hug he can.

“You’re not my best friend,” He tells her, and she looks even sadder until he finishes it up with, “You’re my sister.”

“But you have a mother.” She says, sounding confused.

Five shrugs, “Doesn’t matter. Reginald is legally my dad, and he’s legally your dad, and so we share a dad. That makes us siblings.”

“Is a sibling better than a best friend?” Vanya asks after a long moment of silence.

Five doesn’t think so. He misses Emma. He misses his preschool. He misses his life, the life before the Academy. But Vanya looks so sad and pale that he hugs her again and says “Yeah, of course. We’re family.”

The others tolerate him in varied amounts. Luther thinks he’s dumb because he’s always mean to Reginald. Five thinks Luther is dumb, and he’s definitely right. Allison constantly bugs him for information about what she terms “the outside world” and Five has told her about birthday parties at least a dozen times and she still looks wistful and asks him to tell her about them again.

(They turn eight and Five produces a paper crown for his sister because she looked so wistful when he described Emma’s birthday tiara. Allison wears it until Reginald snaps at her to get rid of it, but Five sees her tuck it in the waistband of her skirt rather than throw it away.)

When Reginald snaps at Diego for his stutter, Five snarls and snaps back, getting between the man and his new brother and yelling because he knows that’s not how you help kids! Yelling doesn’t help! His teacher said so! And his mama!

Diego is never particularly thankful for his interference, but Five doesn’t care.

Five is nine and he jumps into the mausoleum with Klaus and holds his most fragile brother and snarls, threatens to run away. To take Klaus and just go, that they’d go to Five’s mother and she would take them away from Reginald and this place and -

Klaus always buries himself into Five’s side with his hands over his ears until the morning when Five either jumps away or glares with furious eyes at Reginald even when he’s punished after.

He’s nine when he gets into a screaming match with Diego who says that Five isn’t one of them that he has his mother and if he had the chance he would abandon them in a heartbeat.

Reginald threatens to cut off his mother’s visits if he finds Five interfering with “Number Four’s training” one more time.

Five looks at Klaus, who is his brother. Who is frail and skinny and pale with dark bags underneath his eyes.

Reginald looks satisfied because Five has always backed down before when his mother is threatened. It’s his ultimate trump card.

Five is so very very tired of his mother being used against him. And he loves Klaus. And these kids, they are his siblings. (He tries not to think about the fact that next year he’ll have officially been here just as long as he was with his mother. He hates it.)

Reginald finds Five in the mausoleum with cobwebs in his hair and his brother against his side and a glare on his face and Reginald forbids his next visit with his mother.

Five keeps jumping into the mausoleum. Klaus looks at him with wonder in his eyes and Five pries up the floorboard that hides Doggy (because even after Reginald found a better way to threaten him, he remembers) and cries himself to sleep.

“You chose us.” Ben states instead of asks, very quietly, when they’re studying together.

“My mother can look after herself.” Five says stiffly, not taking his eyes off the page. “Klaus can’t.”

Ben doesn’t say anything more, but Five feels eyes on his back for a good long while after that.

When Five is ten, they debut for the first time. They go to the bank, and stop the robbers.

(“We can’t send Ben in,” Five insists, “They’ll die!”

“They’re robbers.” Luther scoffs, crossing his arms.

“Doesn’t matter. They’re still people.” Five insists. “You definitely aren’t supposed to kill people. It’s a law.”

“Shut up, Five.” Diego says grouchily, “We just need to get this over with.”

“Dad’ll be pissed off if we let any of them escape.” Allison says, and the whole group goes quiet as they consider their father’s disappointed fury.

“I’ll go.” Ben mutters reluctantly, and Five tries to meet his eyes but the other boy slips into the vault before he can. The group stands silently as they listen to the screams and watch the blood splatter.

“This is wrong.” Five whispers.

“This is how it is.” Klaus whispers back, sounding defeated.

They don’t talk about it, after.)

Five smiles for the camera and lets Klaus lean on his shoulder and steals a thing of tissues from a reporter’s purse and uses them to wipe more of the blood from Ben’s face with a tight smile and the world goes on.

(He doesn’t know his mother watched. Doesn’t know the fury she flew into. Her son was supposed to be safe - he was supposed to be at a school. Why the fuck was he stopping a bank robbery like some kind of little child soldier?

She becomes a problem. And Reginald can be awfully practical about problems.)

Five is ten-and-a-half and he hasn’t seen his mother in a year and a half. And he’s tired and he’s rebellious so one day he sneaks out and finds a pay phone and the only reason he remembers his number is because his mother made him memorize it and quizzed him frequently.

(He’d gotten lost so often from wandering away and accidentally jumping. His rules were to approach either women with children or people who worked wherever and ask them to call her.)

Except the call can’t connect. Disconnected number.

Five frowns, and end up doing some research which involves massive lies to the library, and then he has a picture of a newspaper obituary in his hands and a hole in his heart.

Car accident, the paper says.

Five crumbles it up, and then smoothes it out again because there’s a picture of his mother next to the article and Five doesn’t have any pictures of his mother. So he hides it under the floorboards next to Doggy and cries himself to sleep and then he gets up and does his training and doesn’t talk about it.

He doesn’t tell his siblings. Not even when Luther blows up and calls him a stuck up brat who can go cry to his mommy if he think it’s so bad here. Not even when Klaus jokes about running away with a cracking voice in the mausoleum, not really jokes at all. Not even when Vanya asked him for another of his mother’s stories and he started crying in the middle of them. He’d just told her it had been a hard day of training.

(Vanya never asks him questions if he mentions training. He feels bad about lying to her and using it as an excuse but...)

He waits for Reginald to tell him. He waits, because surely someone would tell him that his mother is dead. He’s her son.

Reginald never tells him. He tells Five that he’s bad and still hasn’t earned back his visiting privileges. Five hates him so much. So so much.

Five is twelve-years-old and he is sprawled across Vanya’s bed after a particularly brutal day of training. Reginald has been trying to overtrain Five the day before he puts Klaus in the mausoleum overnight so that Five will be too tired to jump in. It doesn’t work, but it’s an exhausting enough punishment.

“I wish I didn’t have powers.” He tells Vanya.

“No you don’t.” Vanya says back fiercely, fists clenching in her blankets, “Not having powers sucks.”

Five tilts his head and looks at her, “No.” He says gently, “No one knew I had powers. And I was loved. I was so loved, Vanya.”

“Stop it.” Vanya says, face tight. “If you were so loved, why did she leave you here?”

And Five opens his mouth and nothing comes out, because it hurts.

“You don’t wish you had powers, Vanya.” Five tells her finally, and there are tears in his eyes but he’s looking at the ceiling not at her so it doesn’t matter. “You wish you had a family. A proper family. Not this - this stupid academy. I hate it. I hate it here.”

“Don’t call it stupid.” Vanya says, “It’s not fair. It’s not fair that you have a family and we just - we just have the academy, okay? So don’t call it stupid.”

“We deserve better. We deserve a childhood.”

“We have a childhood.” Vanya scowls, “Just because it’s not as nice as yours was or whatever - ”

“This is my childhood, Vanya.” Five snarls, propping himself up to face her, “I know you all think I’m so spoiled and - and I’m not one of you or whatever, but I came here when I was five. My memories of before - Vanya they’re fading. I couldn’t pick Emma out of a crowd if I tried. I’ve been here for years longer than I was ever there, and it’s not fair.”

“You still have a mother - ”

“No I don’t.” Five cuts her off, his voice ice. Vanya’s eyes are wide, startled by his tone. “Vanya, look around you. When was the last time I saw my mother?”

Vanya’s lip wobbles as she realized she can’t remember.

“It’s been three years.” Five tells her, eyes hard and cold and angry, “She’s gone. I made a choice, and I chose you. I chose the academy. Because despite everything, I love you guys. You’re my siblings, even if sometimes you don’t act like it.”

“Five - ” Vanya tries.

“No.” Five cuts her off, hopping off the bed and shaking his head, “I’m going to - I’m going to go to my room. You get some more practice in or something. I think Pogo picked out this piece and you know what he’s like.”

He doesn’t let her get a word in before he jumps up to his room.

Five is twelve when he stands in front of Reginald and says “I’m not using my powers anymore.”

“You have an assignment.” Reginald says severely.

“No.” Five refuses politely, and his family watches with wide eyes from the sidelines. The only family he has left. “I’ve got control now. I’ve decided I’m going to be normal now.”

Reginald locks Klaus is the mausoleum early and watches with unimpressed eyes as Five picks the lock and strolls in.

Reginald handcuffs Five to a rail. Five plucks a paperclip from his sock and picks those as well.

Reginald locks Five in a room from the outside and tells him that he’ll get dinner when he jumps out.

Five opens the window and shimmies down the drainpipe and has to be picked up at Griddy’s where he’s charmed the owner out of a free doughnut and hot chocolate with a sob story about school bullies to explain his grubby appearance (the shimmy down the drainpipe hadn’t exactly been graceful. or clean.)

He locks Five in the basement in a weird room that’s soundproofed. Five tries to hunger strike but - it’s so quiet. He can hear the sound of his own heartbeat. He can’t stand it. It’s like the room was made specifically to torture him.

(He looks at the little bed in the room. The sheets were dusty. This room has been around for a very long time. He wonders who it’s for, Allison, perhaps? She’s always been fairly obedient, maybe this is the reason why.)

He jumps out on the second day, and doesn’t talk to anybody. Reginald is smug like the cat the got the canary, and Five hates it.

Then Five is messing around, and something slots into place, and he realizes - oh, he might be able to time travel.

Once he figures it out, he’s desperate. He’ll save his siblings that way. He’ll take the to a time where Reginald can’t get them. They’ll be out of reach.

(maybe - maybe they can travel back in time. maybe he can save his mother -)

Five is thirteen-years-old when he time travels for the first time. When he runs out of the house like he’s done so very many times before, except he’s angry and frustrated and he’d tried to bait Reginald into telling him his mother’s dead again and he hadn’t and -

Five jumps. It’s snowing. He did it. He jumps again, laughing. He jumps again -

Ash.

He tries to jump, but his power fizzles out. He calls for his siblings. No one answers. He finds the academy - rubble.

So Five lives in the apocalypse. He tries to go home, he does. He buries his siblings as well as he can. He wanders around gathering food and textbooks. He picks up a mannequin and names it Dolores.

(He searches the rubble of the academy, but he can’t find Doggy or the picture of his mother. Either they were found and removed years ago, or they’re buried beneath too much rubble. Five doesn’t know.)

He takes Dolores on a road trip. He tells her it’s to see if they can find any people, any survivors.

he arrives in a graveyard and traces his mother’s name with trembling fingers. this is the first time he’s been to visit her grave. this is the first time he’s seen her in four years.

So he survives. He grows up, desperately clinging to life by his fingernails. He does complex calculations, wondering what his mother would think of him now.

He meets the Handler. He becomes an assassin.

(he’s glad his mother is dead, so that she will never see what he has become.)

And then one day, he gets home. He falls into the courtyard, and looks at the faces of his grown up siblings and -

(he’s so tired of losing people. he’s so tired of being taken away from his family.)

He hops to Griddy’s, he gets into a fight with assassins, he cuts a tracker from his arm, and he goes to Vanya’s apartment.

And he’s Five, but he’s also Fievel. And somewhere inside he’s still that same kid who loved his mother and wanted her to fix thing, who trusted her even though she didn’t have powers. His mother wasn’t ordinary, and he’s never seen Vanya as such.

So he asks her for her help.

(Later, she tells him that they hunted down his mother when they were fifteen, because they’d been absolutely convinced he’d just run away and gone back to herno matter how much Reginald insisted he was dead.

That’s when they found out about her death. Her date of death.

“I’m so sorry, Five.” Vanya says, tears in her eyes as the whole family shuffles and looks away.

And Five puts his hand on Vanya’s. “I knew, Van.”

Her head snaps up. Klaus blurts out a what in the background.

Five shrugs, “I’ve known since we were ten. It’s okay.”)

Five sends Vanya to investigate the eye.

(He asks Klaus - “Have you - ”

“No.” Klaus says instantly, shaking his head. He knows what Five is asking.

Five considers that answer, then shrugs. He’s not sure if it would be better or worse for his mother to be one of the ghosts that tormented Klaus. “After I - after, did dad get worse?”

“Yeah.” Klaus says simply, because it’s true.

Five hadn’t been there to jump into the mausoleum and try and shield his brother from invisible enemies.

“I’m sorry.” Five says quietly.

“Me too.”)

Vanya comes back and the eye hasn’t been made yet. Five swears, loudly and at length.

And maybe in another world Five snaps at Klaus and denies Vanya and goes off on his own and ignores Allison but -

In this one, Five was the only kid who not only didn’t care that Vanya was ‘ordinary’ but actively challenged her on it. Who told her in no uncertain terms that he was jealous of her.

(It’s a very different book that comes out.)

In this world, Five shielded Klaus and challenged Reginald. He jumped into the mausoleum and hugged his brother and, most importantly, he chose Klaus over his mother. And Klaus knows that. Klaus has... a lot of loyalty to Five, and even though he’d though for a long time that Five abandoned him... he knows better now and he feels - he feels guilty for doubting his brother. That guilt may or may not manifest in being a bit clingy.

In this world, Allison thought Five was fascinating because he’d been in the real world. He’d been to real school. She remembers him telling her about his mother, about trips to the zoo and the museums and the birthday parties, about sleepovers and playdates and parks.

(She has a daughter, and she takes Claire to the children’s museums and to zoos. She tries her best for her daughter and hears Five’s voice telling stories in her ears. She does her best to be a good mother, she tries so hard.)

It’s a slightly more united family that stands against the apocalypse.

But there’s always something with them, isn’t there?

“Don’t you know?” The Handler says, with her perfect lipstick smile, “I don’t have to win, I just have to take you out of the game. Your weak spot has always been the same, hasn’t it?”

“You don’t have shit.” Five says, unimpressed. “My family is fine.”

“Are you so sure about that, Fievel?”

(Five already chose his siblings over his mother the first time. The choice is... much more difficult the second time.)

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nonbinaryeye · 3 years

Text

Forsaken Scholar and Beholding Sailor

Written for @lonelyeyesweek

Day 6 - Entity Swap

One of them spends most of the year travelling all around the world seeing all its wonders. The other one stays locked in the Institute. It is not that hard to guess which one of them serves to the Eye and which one serves the Lonely…

Read on AO3

…

Peter Lukas loves traveling around the world with his ship. What could be better and more fitting for a servant of the Eye than to sail through the seas as he pleases, discovering all the hidden secrets of the most forgotten places on the Earth, gaining forgotten Knowledge and Seeing all the wonders the world has to offer with his own Eyes. And the most importantly of course – also feeding his patron with different flavours of the worries, fears and traumas people are experiencing in the different countries.

As amazing as it is to cross over the ocean all the way there and back, one of his favourite places is still the city of London. It is not because the sight of the city would be that amazing or wonderful – far from it. However it is one of the most monitored cities in the world and how could the soul of a Beholder not appreciate that? Knowledge that he cannot even cross a street without dozens of cameras – from ATM, from nearby stores, the traffic ones– turning its Eye on him, it's truly delightful!

It is strange though how he chose from all the places to build his Institute here as well. True, in two hundred years London certainly changed a lot but it was hardly quiet, peaceful or abandoned back then. As always Peter is curious about his intention and as always he sees it as one more reason to not to tell him anything.

Whistling he approaches the Magnus Institute – quite a big building in the middle of the city – which you could somehow still easily miss if you did not know exactly where to look for it. He opens the door with an elbow as both his hands are preoccupied carrying a big box containing few things he picked up on his travels.

Peter never felt the particular need to hoard the artefacts. He is the servant of the Eye. The point is therefore to See to witness everything with his own Eyes. There is no need for that. Though lately he always makes sure to grab a few interesting or possibly cursed objects. It would be rude to show up after such a long time without appropriate gifts.

“Hello, I am here to see my husband!” he announces loudly to the receptionist. She winces and looks around in fear that someone will blame her for such a loud visitor. As always there is still no one around.

“I… uhm… who?” she hesitantly turns back at Peter who is cheerfully smiling.

“You know, James-… no, I think it is Elias now… Elias Butcher? Boucher? Budget? I don’t know why he always has to pick the worst names.”

“Uh… do you mean… Elias Bouchard?”

“Yes! That sounds about right… even though… are you sure it is not Butcher?” Peter grins while the woman on the reception desk continues staring at him in disbelief.

“I didn’t know Mr Bouchard is married.”

“Oh, you didn’t? That is very unfortunate for you then. He hates when people know too much about him.”

“What you mean by it… uh… I- I will announce to you…”

“It is alright! I will find my way. See you around.”

Peter winks at her since his hands are still full and whistling again he turns around leaving a mildly confused, mildly terrified woman behind.

The Institute is a maze. Full of corridors leading in the same direction and full of others leading to dead ends. Full of offices which seemed way too big for just one person but too small to fit there two. Full of empty rooms or doors with no room behind them. One could easily get lost there. Even a basic task might take hours considering how far away all seems all the basic utilities form each other.

What luck that Peter Knows the way very well and in a couple of minutes through a few shortcuts he stands in front of the door leading to the office of the Head of the institute. Or at least he thinks these are the doors… They all look exactly the same and of course that there is no sign, no plate with name trying to give any guest any sense of space.

He kicks in the door a few times and when he hears nothing he tries to open it again with his elbows. To his surprise the door is not even locked!

“Hello Jonah!” Peter cheerfully greets the man who is frowning at some documents on his desk. On the first look he seemed to be the least remarkable person that ever lived – he is of rather small posture, dressed in a boring grey suit matching the colour of his eyes and hair that lost the bright ginger colour quite some time ago. But one cannot always trust the first impression as he also appears to be in his forties and claims to be named Elias Bouchard.

From all the people Peter ever met, Jonah Magnus is the most fascinating and charming one. It has taken Peter a while to get through his dull and cold demeanour but once he has he could no longer unsee his sharp wits and occasionally even a bit nicer and sweeter side.

“You are here already? Haven’t you left like yesterday?” Jonah does not even look up and Peter cannot help himself but smile over the familiarity of his act.

“It has been three whole months! Have you not missed me, oh fog around my lighthouse, cliffs around my port, barnacle-”

“No for a fact I was very happy without you and your ridiculous names of endorsement,” he sighs dramatically but corners of his mouth twitch a bit upwards.

“I did miss you. I was writing you that on the postcards.”

“Yes I know. I could not miss the overflowing mailbox. Once again I beg you not to send me anymore of them. I don’t even know where to put them…”

“Have you not say the last time you are throwing them all away?” It is always cute to see Jonah’s pale skin to colour with blush.

“Yes! Yes I am. That is what I meant. My bin is overflowing with them.”

“Feel free to throw them away, I will send you new ones!”

“That is exactly what I beg you not to do!”

Peter decides not to tease Jonah any longer; he is starting to look a bit exasperated and he knows better than to push his buttons too much. One time when Peter crossed the limit of Jonah’s tolerance, the servant of the Lonely filled the office with fog. It took the servant of the Eye a few minutes to get out and when he did he found himself in front of the Institute with doors locked. He would rather not repeat that. And so to offer peace Peter finally puts the box down on the desk. By the sound it makes it is clear that it is much heavier that one might guess by the ease with which the sailor has carried it.

“I am bringing you gifts!”

Jonah looks unimpressed. “I am not interested. Please could you find some other place to throw all your useless crap in than my institute?”

“I thought your institute is supposed to research the supernatural? I am bringing you cursed and priceless artefacts to study and all I ask in return is your love. Should you not be more grateful?”

“First of all your price is too high. Plus I have plenty of things to study for decades since you must bring me something every time…”

Saying that the institute’s approach to supernatural research is specific or interesting would be an understatement. As far as Peter knows Jonah Magnus started the Institute way back in 1818 shortly after learning about the Fears. Jonah pretended he was only interested in studying the supernatural even though he already had a scheme in mind regarding how to serve his chosen patron. He decided to lure in scholars with the promise of achieving great discoveries. Then he made sure to make their life just a lonely misery with them sacrificing their life in pointless study isolated from society.

Peter also knows Jonah was somehow acquainted with his ancestor Mordechai Lukas, who decided to sponsor his project in exchange of sharing all the knowledge and discoveries the institute will create as a byproduct of making scholars lonely. The deal lasts till now and that is how he and Jonah met at first… But that is all Peter knows about his past as Jonah is not usually very talkative concerning his past.

Forsaken has granted him a long and lonely life to serve its cause. Though lately Peter is doing his best to sometimes interrupt the lonely part of it… He changes name from time to time for legal reasons. Not that it is even necessary as no one ever looks into the institute and its matters way too closely. And if someone really even notices its existence and starts asking way too many questions it usually only leads to their mysterious disappearance.

“You can always hire more people to sort it out? I sometimes doubt you really have any employees at all. I rarely run into anyone…”

“That is exactly the point. I do not really want to risk they could meet. Now regarding your gift…”

“Ah well as much as it pains me if you do not truly want it…” Peter put on a theatrical look of tragedy and grabs the box again. Jonah raises his hand to stop him. Their fingers brush and he is as cold as ever.

“It is fine… since you have already brought it here. Just put it in the artefact storage on your way out. Someone will get to it eventually.”

Peter lets go of the box again rather grabbing Jonah’s hands into his leaning closer over the desk. Jonah is still doing his best to look unbothered but when Peter kisses his hands he cannot help himself but smile over the silly behaviour of his partner.

“We can always get a divorce if you despise my affection so much, my beloved husband.” Peter gently strokes the golden ring on Jonah’s finger.

“No need. Time spent together with you is so short when you live as long as I do that it hardly matters anyway.”

“It hardly matters to you. It still matters to me, my dear Jonah.”

“I could not care less, Peter,” Jonah grabs his collar and finally pulls him into a kiss.

#Their alligment might have changed but their relantionship is very similiar #Fear Entity Alignment Swap #tma #magnus archives fan #magnus archives fanfic #peter lukas #elias bouchard #jonah magnus #lonelyeyes #lonely eyes #lonelyeyesweek #lonelyeyesweek2021 #mEye fanfic #mEye post

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tanakavox · 3 years

Text

Look into the multiverse chapter 7

DMC3 chapter! And yes I know that Yang came off as being Lady the next chapter but I decided to go Ruby. Reaction written by my friend Doppel Micheal.

The scene starts off with a door getting kicked aparted, and a shirtless Jaune walking out shirtless carrying his sword in one hand and a red jacket in the other.

Jaune gasped at seeing his image shirtless for all to see. "Augh, Cut that out! I don't want people to… uhm…." his voice faded off in embarrasment. "Aaay someone's been working out!" Yang said in a teasing tone, while Weiss sighed in annoyance. "S-shut up Yang. It's not like I'm Sun.."

"Sun does have very nice abs…" Blake whispered at that. "Pfft, you are fine Muscles boy. Isn't he Rubes?" Yang looked to Ruby, trying to get her sister to join in the teasing only to find her little sister seemed lost in thought; she was simply staring at the Jaune on the screen without saying anything. The blonde knight walked closer to her, waving a hand in front of her to try bringing her back to earth. "..." "...Ruby?" "... HUH-? Oh y-yeah. Right, you're f-.. you're alright Jaune." The short reaper was brought back down suddenly, her cheeks taking on a red shade as she seemed to avoid looking at the tall boy in any way.

A pack of demons were outside waiting for him. Jaune turns to look at the broken remains of his shop

"Damnit!" Jaune moaned. You guys totally ruined my shop! And I haven't even named it!" He snarls and turns back to the demons. "Your gotta pay for that." Jaune throws his sword into the air, doing flips and overtop movement before pulling on the red jacket , and catching the sword posing. He sneezes a bit and rubble falls down. Jaune turns and glares at the demons and points Rebellion at all the demons."I hope you all have enough to cover all this!" He growled. The blonde went to town on the demons, Shooting and blasting them to pieces with ease.

"Is this supposed to be the suicidal one's dream world where he's actually important in a fight?" Cinder snarked at the vision in front of her, sending Emerald into a fit of giggles and Mercury to mock them with delight on his voice "Oooh destroyed."

Jaune growled in annoyance. "Hey-!" "HEY!" His attempt at retorting the insult was cut short by Nora. "SHUT UP before I break your second pair of legs. I'm not afraid to do it." She finished with a glare; meanwhile Jaune felt something press on his shoulder, and turned to see Ren, a pleading look on his eyes that said 'Don't let them get to you.'

And after he was done, the bigger ones flew off, the ground splitting in half as a tower arised from the ground. Jaune looks at the tower with a grin.

"It's been nearly a year since we last met. Where does the time go?" Jaune said still grinning knowing Cinder was on top of the tower. He began to walk towards it clearly excited. "No doubt you've got something fun planned for me. Right Cinder?!"

"It's definitely the suicidal one's dream." Cinder expressed while rolling her eyes, making Emerald giggle even more. "Like I would actually care about such a small fly."

Jaune clenched his teeth and fists in frustration, before his lips curved into a smile as he looked at her "At least I actually get to put my sword through your eye this time!" Now Ruby was the one laughing as she saw all of Cinder's smug get wiped out of her, Nora cheering on from behind with yells of "YEAAAAAH tell her!"

"Y-you- if this barrier didn't exist I would tear off your-!" She couldn't finish her reply before being interrupted by Salem. "Cinder. I suggest you calm down and don't let a child get the better of you." With steam nearly coming out of her ears and a death glare sent in Jaune's direction, everyone went back to watching.

The scene cuts to Cinder looking over the town on top of the tower. Raven walked towards her.

"Raven" Cinder greets without looking back.

"Well? Doesn't it excite you? Raven asks. "The Teme-ni-gru has been revived. The great one who once ruled this earth as the medium between the human world and the demon world." Raven smiled a bit. "Isn't it a magnificent view?" The greatest mind of all their time, those who revered evil, construed this glorious edifice. Now, after two millenniums of confinement, it can at last fulfill the purpose for which it was intended…"

"That's none of my concern." Cinder said interrupting Raven. "Did he have it?"

"Of course. He's taking good care of it. After all, it is the last memento left from your mother you both lost.

"But he has no idea of its true power."

"Ewgh, I still can't believe he's related to me in this nonsense."

"The feeling is mutual" Jaune replied to the maiden, his voice full of venom, before noticing Ruby was grabbing his hand in an attempt to comfort him. "It's okay Jaune. It's not real."

"Indeed it isn't Mr Arc." He turned towards Ozpin, speaking for the first time in a while. "Keep your wits about you, none of this is worth losing your mind over."

The demon that escaped Jaune leap onto the Temen-ni gru behind Cinder and Raven. Cinder began to walk off the demon following her. She stopped and unsheathed her kanata, twirling it a bit before sheathing it. The demon upper torso being sliced in half and sliding off before it went poof! The rest of it remains falling off the Temen-ni gru.

The scene cuts to Ruby on a motorcycle, Bumblebee, with the engine still running as she looks over to Temen-ni-gru.

"I found it." She said. Demons began to slowly walk up behind Ruby. She payed them no mind and rev the engine and set the demons on fire with the exhaust port and jump over a pile of demons falling over dead into the number 3.

Ruby stared wide eyed in giddiness at her counterpart, struggling to find her voice "Is that...me?" "-driving MY bike?!" Yang wasn't so amused though.

"I didn't-I'd never! I don't even have a driver's license Yang!" She tried to calm her sister down, making Qrow chuckle at their antics. "She does rock the aesthetic, you gotta give her that." " …. I guess."

Yang crossed her arms, looking the other way while Ruby whispered in excitement. "Ye! I'm cool." Not low enough for Qrow not to hear her though. "Ha! Yeah." Nor Winter. "Indeed."

Weiss couldn't hide the shock from her face at the elder Schnee's response. "Sister?!" "What can I say, I always wanted a bike when I was your age."

The next cut goes back to Jaune walking through a icey area. He's in front of a Icey statue shake, the ice around it falling to ground. A three headed canine chained to a door, stood before Jaune and roared sending a block of ice flying toward Jaune, which he casually cut with rebellion.

"Leave now mortal!" Ceberus growled. "The likes of you are forbidden in this land! You who are powerless are not worthy here!"

Jaune was sweating bullets at the sight "That's…. A big dog…. Z-Zwei doesn't turn into anything like that right Ruby?" "What!? No! Of course she doesn't…. right Weiss?" The reaper gave her partner a hopeful, but questioning look, irritating the heiress. "Why are you looking at me? Like I would ever hurt your dog." She replied indignant, adding one last part as a whisper. "Also he looks much cuter as it is anyways."

"Wow I've never seen a talking mutt before. You know in a dog show, you'd definitely take first place." Jaune says taunting the caine.

"You, a mere human, make a mockery of me?!" Ceberus breathes a beam of ice toward Jaune, which he easily jumps over. The ice blocking the entrance he had came from.

"Easy, Fido! How about I take you for a walk? Jaune bends his knee and starts clapping and whistling. "Come puppy! Let's go!"

"You'll regret this, you worm!"

"It's showtime" Jaune grinned hopping in place and throwing a few punches in the air before gesturing at the oversized mutt. "C'mon!

A short battle happens ending with Jaune cutting off all but one of the heads of the mutt. It leaps back, in awe.

"You are not human,are you?" It asked in awe.

"Who knows? I'm not even sure myself."

"Regardless, you have proved your strength. I acknowledge your ability. Take my soul and go forth. You have my blessing. A bright light fills the area as the demon canine transforms into nunchucks with chucks, Jaune smirks and begins to test out his new weapon, twisting and twirling it around with ease to the point he twirled it with his feet.

"Ha, not bad at all scrawny. You've been going soft on us haven't you?" Jaune felt Qrow punch his shoulder lightly. "Please. Like I would ever pull something like that."

"That remains to be seen Mr Arc." Ozpin spoke yet again. "You have potential yet untapped, perhaps you should play closer attention to what a you from an alternate reality can do."

He didn't like feeling scolded, but gave some thought to what the old man said.

"Too easy." He boasts as he poses with the new weapon. He puts it away and begins to walk off when a motorcycle crashes through the ice behind him, Ruby riding it, Ruby nearly hits Jaune, him jumping out of the way at the last second. He makes eye contact with Ruby as they pass each other midair, both landing at the same time.

"Are you going to the party?" Jaune asks with a smirk. "What's the hurry, didn't you get an invitation? Ruby doesn't turn to look at Jaune and pulls out a bulkier version of Crescent rose firing a rocket at Jaune who casually duck under it and then jumps on riding it around the room, laughing with pure joy before he hops off and let's it blow a hole in the ceiling chuckling a bit.

Ruby couldn't help herself but to stare in obvious excitement and giddiness at the alternate version of her weapon, which brought some amused chuckles from Yang, before crossing her arms and feigning indifference "Hm, my version of my baby is still the best." She completed the act with sticking her tongue out at Yang.

Ruby eyes are finally show and they are filled with cold rage. She revs up her motorcycle and drives towards Jaune and hops over him, the wheel nearly hitting his face as he looks on unflinchingly. She hopped high enough to go through the new hole in the ceiling leaving Jaune alone. "This just keeps getting better and better!" Jaune smirks again as he began to walk to the next area. The scene cuts back to Cinder and Raven again, standing on top of Teme-ni-gru, the time pasting to night.

"Looks like we have an uninvited guest." Cinder states, looking out to the city below.

"Is that so?" Raven replied, flipping through her book.

"A human. A woman." Raven closes her book and sighs.

"I'm afraid I should ask the uninvited guest to leave." She stands and walks toward Cinder. "That is what you want. Actually I happened to be acquainted with that woman." Raven begans to walk off to deal with the woman. "A storm is approaching."

"Can I point out the fact I would never work with that bitch again?" Cinder pointed out with extreme contempt. "Next time I see Raven, I will kill her for what she did."

Qrow chuckled in amusement at her remark. "Because that worked really well last time huh?"

"YOU-" "Is he wrong dear?" Once again, Cinder's attempt at a retort was cut short by Salem, scowling at her protegee. Cinder simply crossed her arms and choose to stare at the floor beneath her feet in frustration. "Tch."

The scene cuts back to Jaune and a door. He gives the door a push and when that doesn't work, he runs up and kicks it. The door still doesn't budge. Jaune snarls and pulls out his pistols getting ready to shoot.

"Yoo hoo!" A voice behind him calls out merrily. Jaune turns to see a woman with pale skin and wearing a blue jester outfit. "There's no need to use violence Devil boy." Jaune ignores her and twirls his pistol getting ready to shoot anyways."Wait wait wait,better listen to what others say lad." The woman rushs in front of Jaune and points to the door with the specter she was holding. "This tower here is very study, you see." She taps the door to prove her point. "Your tricks will do you no good. No good!" Jaune points one of his pistols in her face pushing it to her nose.

"Zip it."He growled. "Or I'll pierce that big nose."

"That could be a problem" The jester moves to Jaune's side. "You've got nothing to lose,right?"

"...is this the Neon of this world?" said Yang.

Jaune never looks her in the eyes, being very annoyed at her. "My name Jester, and I know a thing or two about this place.

"Guess not." Weiss replied. "Sure gives me the same vibes though."

She points over to an object close to the blonde. "That thing there is a power generator for this entire sector. In order to open the door you need to apply a little SOMETHING to it first. You know what that is kid? Or is that too difficult for you?" Jester begins to laugh maniacally when Jaune finally had enough and started to shoot at her feet, She begins to dance crying in fears as she dodges the hail of bullets.

"Get to the point. Or do you wanna keep on dancing?" Jaune asks before stopping. Jester took a deep breath.

"Actually, I prefer a sword to be my partner. May i have this dance my lady?" She asked, taking a bow. Jaune takes out his sword rebellion and attempts to cut Jester in half, the clown dodging at the last second and instead he hits the generator opening the door. "Bingo!" Jester cheered while standing on the ceiling. "That is what something is! Remember that kid. Write down on your hand if you don't trust your head!" Jester began to laugh and started to dance away while Jaune began to shoot at her again.

"I see…. Thanks. Jaune begans walk into the next room. "You still piss me off though."

Everyone stared in silence after the scene ended. Weiss was the first to attempt speaking up "That was…" "It was something alright." Yang concluded after the heiress found herself at a loss for words. Jaune looked down, feeling very self conscious. "I'm not that cool. Kinda wished I could be.."

Again he felt Ruby's hand tug at his, and his eyes rose to meet her showing him a supportive smile. "Hey. You're plenty cool as is." She told him in a soft voice. It was immediattely followed by Nora not so gently punching his shoulder. "Yeah! You coooould stand to get a grenade launcher though." Giggles came out of him, and eventually they all erupted in laughter.

Emerald groaned at the sight. "Do you have to act so sickly happy all the time? It was enough having to put up with seeing him be such a try-hard."

"Meh, it was kinda funny." Mercury shrugged it off with a smirk. "So, what's it gonna be next?"

The end!

#look into the multiverse #devil may cry au #rwby ruby rose #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #weiss schnee #rwby jaune arc #lie ren #rwby cinder fall #rwby nora valkyrie #rwby salem #oscar pine #rwby raven branwen #rwby qrow branwen

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chaseatinydream · 4 years

Text

treasure: your name || k.hj (atz)

Steering the ship had always been second nature for Hongjoong.

It was such a contrast to when he was in battle, hand gripped tight around the handle of his cutlass and the other around his musket. No, steering the ship required a more fine and delicate touch, one that most warriors didn’t possess.

His hands seemed to be be made for it, delicate when it came to feeling for the ship. He could sense the power of the sea as it rushed against the rudder of the Treasure, every tiny shift in the wind, the beginning of a storm when the sky was still clear and devoid of clouds. The Treasure and its crew were his pride and joy, and he would never tire of this life he had built for himself with his own two hands.

But he had to admit steering the ship was sometimes mind blowingly numb work.

From the quarterdeck, one could almost see everything there was to see; which wasn’t much. In front of him were the three masts and the main deck, where Wooyoung or San or basically any crew member of his would be doing something stupid, but he’d long learned not to look down there in case he lost his sanity watching them go at it.

Jongho occasionally sang, which brightened Hongjoong’s mood up greatly, but he usually got interrupted by Seonghwa calling him to help move some things in the cargo hold below or just by Wooyoung or Yunho teasing him.

Hongjoong sighed as he gazed at the expanse of blue before him. His head tilted up.

Blue sky.

He looked down.

Blue sea.

“I really need to find something to do.” The poor captain muttered to himself as he glanced at the water clock.

There were still three hours till Mingi took over him.

He let out an almighty groan and smacked his head against the wheel.

“You alright, captain?” Hongjoong turned to see his navigator walking up the stairs with a plate in hand. The captain almost cried in joy upon seeing his dinner and grabbed for his food.

“Just the usual.” He answered grimly as he shoved the bread roll into his mouth. “And call me Hongjoong.”

“Yes, captain.” Yeosang nodded absentmindedly as he peered down onto deck. “Ah, it’s the stowaway. He made your breakfast, you know.”

Hongjoong gave him a disgruntled look as he continued chewing on his bread. “And…?”

He knew what Yeosang was trying to get at. The navigator blinked at him innocently, his puppy dog eyes almost worthy to match Wooyoung’s in combat. Then Hongjoong sighed. It was futile to try and turn down Yeosang, everyone on the ship knew as much. The navigator never did throw a temper tantrum or get angry, but he would mope and sulk around for days and that was terrible for crew morale.

“I mean… It must be pretty boring standing here watching nothing.” Yeosang said slowly, as if he was asking a drunk how many fingers he was holding up. “It’ll be a nice change to have something to do…”

Hongjoong eyed him, completely unimpressed by his subtlety, or rather, lack thereof. But his navigator didn’t leave. Instead, he simply kept smiling that same, expectant smile at his captain, and Hongjoong finally caved with a sigh.

“Alright! I’ll think about it.” Hongjoong had known that the battle had been lost from the start. He regretted it almost instantly from the way a little self satisfied grin bloomed across Yeosang’s face. “Now get going before I change my mind.”

“Yes, captain!” His navigator hummed cheerily, turning to walk down the steps with a little spring in his step. Hongjoong groaned. Did nobody on this ship respect him any more?

“Call me Hongjoong!” He called after Yeosang’s retreating back. The young man merely waved in response, not even bothering to turn back.

“Yes, captain!”

Sighing, Hongjoong straightened up as he nudged the wheel a little to the left. Looking down onto the main deck, he saw the topic of his and Yeosang’s conversation being led around by Seonghwa as the older man explained the parts of the ship to him.

The stowaway was young, probably even younger than he. A tiny, slender thing with no real muscles or bulk, he looked as if a stiff breeze could send him overboard at any second. He didn’t seem like he’d survive long on a pirate ship.

Well, he had survived an encounter with the legendary ‘Pirate King’.

Hongjoong snorted a little at his own thought process. Then he looked back at the nameless stowaway. He knew Seonghwa and San had been itching to give their newest crew member a name, but he also knew why they were refraining from doing so.

A sigh left his mouth as he recalled the two other crew members who’d joined the ship in a manner similar to his recent addition. Both had somehow run up the gangplank and he hadn’t thrown them overboard yet…

He had stopped such barbaric practices month ago. In fact, Jongho was more likely to do that than he was, all Hongjoong did was threaten people with it. But back to his little gangplank problem.

He should really start making it a thing to check the cargo hold before they left any port.

“This is a recurring problem.” He muttered under his breath as he glanced at the stowaway once more. Seas, the word ‘stowaway’ was really a bit of a mouthful.

Maybe he needed a name.

That night, Hongjoong sat on the bed of his cabin, a dusty, long unused book in his lap. He stared at it for a long moment, chewing at his lip as he glanced over at the cover.

A Complete Guide to Commonly Used Names in The East and Their Meaning.

His fingers flipped through the dog-eared pages once more after three years, the action almost ingrained into him by now. He'd learnt to read a little ever since he joined the crew of the Jackdaw, but had never been particularly proficient in it till Yeosang had become part of his ship.

Choosing a name was harder than he remembered it being.

He thumbed to a page all the way at the back, coughing a little at the dust rising from it.

우영

Ah, yes. He remembered late nights poring over this book, diligently bookmarking names that had seemed appropriate for who had been the newest crew member of his ship then.

The only other of his family on board who had started out nameless.

His finger brushed the two characters that make up the name of one of his oldest friends gently. 우, meaning ‘friend’, and ,영, a corolla, the centre of a flower.

I hope that one day you will be surrounded by friends who can be your family.

For a moment, Hongjoong closed his eyes and let himself remember.

“I'm so sorry!” The captain of the small pirate galley apologized profusely, his face white with fear. In fact, he was trembling so much he was nearly shaking like a leaf in the wind. “I apologize deeply for the foolishness of my crew, milord.”

Hongjoong was no lord. Far from it, in fact. But as the most feared pirate of the Seven Seas, known as the legendary pirate king, he guessed that he was considered royalty among his brethren.

Hongjoong didn't deign the man worthy of a reply. Instead, his one eye took in the ship contemptuously, face darkening as he spotted the rows of oarsmen sitting chained to the oars. Many were either hard muscled and lean from a lifetime of torturous service, or skinny and malnourished due to hunger. He guessed the latter might perish in a couple of months, at most.

Slaves, he knew most of them were. A bleak lifetime of suffering and pain, hopeless and barren of any sort of joy. A fate worse than death itself.

“One of your men just tried to assault my captain.” Mingi snarled, brandishing his massive axe. On anyone else, the axe would have looked too long and unwieldy to be practical in any sort of battle, but his faithful quartermaster lifted it as easily as a twig. “Even if Captain does let you off the hook, I can assure you I won't. I want your head.”

The captain of the ship fell to his knees in shock, tremors running through his whole body. “Mercy!”

Hongjoong ignored the little fiasco, casually looking about the ship. The galley tended to have oarsmen as its main driving power behind movement and was a lot more reliable than the winds.

Then he snorted. Not for his crew, though.

A downside of a slave galley was its strength, the slaves. Slaves took up much space and consumed large amounts of food, which took up space as well. The alternative was that the ship's crew simply overworked the rowing crews till many of them died of exhaustion in the fetid conditions, before capturing another rowing crew from a raid.

Hongjoong was by no means a merciful man, but this sort of behaviour disgusted him.

“Now, now. Let's not be so worked up over this.” Yunho smiled easily, patting Mingi’s tightly wound shoulder. The quartermaster stepped back with reluctance, dark eyes still fixed on the ship's captain, as Yunho moved forward to negotiate. The grovelling man, seeing the battlemaster's cheerful grin, began to sigh a breath of relief, until Yunho continued his sentence.

“We should flay him alive instead.”

A whimper left the captain's lips at the very thought. The whip was something all sailors knew well, the cat of nine tails left a deep impression on anyone it encountered, both physical and mental. Being flogged to death was one of the most terrifying and painful ways to go.

Hongjoong looked over at the foolish man who had been the cause of all this. He was shaking as he prostrated himself before them. Hongjoong hadn’t known that anyone would be foolhardy or unlucky enough to attempt to rob him, of all people.

The little robbery attempt had gone rather poorly. Upon feeling a hand on the coin purse tied to his belt, Hongjoong had reacted according to instinct, twisting the thief’s arm so hard that the shoulder had popped right out of its socket and tossing the man to the ground. In a second, Yunho had been at his side, slamming the man so hard against the wall that he’d been knocked unconscious. But there was no need to interrogate him; Hongjoong had recognised the emblem on his jacket as the same ship the Treasure was docked beside.

At first, Hongjoong had just intended on telling Mingi that they were about to return a crew member to his ship, but then Yunho had spilled the beans and his ever loyal quartermaster had refused to let it slide. The tall man had simply grabbed his axe and marched over to the opposite ship, all while hauling the limp body of Hongjoong’s would be assaulter behind him like a sack of potatoes, leaving Hongjoong and Yunho to catch up with him.

And that was how they had ended up here.

“Please, spare me!” The cowardly captain was snivelling. Hongjoong sighed. No captain should ever behave that way in front of his men. If Mingi did decide to kill him, he should at least die with some self-dignity.

Then Hongjoong saw him.

A slave boy barely over fifteen, a thick leather collar resting against his throat. He had the most striking hair Hongjoong had ever seen, a rich shade of purple that was both unnatural, but fit him perfectly at the same time. Around his wrists were heavy iron shackles, same as those of the rest of the slaves, and his arms were adorned with flowering bruises in shades of blue-black, purple and red. Branches of whip scars and fallen leaves of the branding iron painted his body into a canvas of what must have been a lifetime of horrific suffering.

A wilting flower in the midst of a desolate wasteland.

Strangely, his face was well formed, not in the least marred like the rest of his body had been. But it didn’t need to. The boy’s eyes were more than enough to tell him everything.

They were green, just like his. But where Hongjoong’s burned with a fire, a passion to live and shine bright in the world, this boy’s eyes were empty, glassy, and utterly dead.

It looked as if there was no soul inhabiting this body, a mere empty vessel of clay.

“I want him.” Hongjoong pointed at the boy. The slave didn’t respond in the slightest, apart from a flicker of the eyes.

“What?” The captain of the ship sputtered in stunned shock. Even Mingi and Yunho seemed to be in varying degrees of confusion.

“Hyung.” Yunho approached his captain, brow furrowed. “What do you want?”

Hongjoong ignored Yunho for a moment and turned to the captain, who was wearing an expression of complete bewilderment. “I want that boy. Give him to me, and I’ll forget any of this ever happened.”

Desperate to please the Pirate King and save the skin on his back, the captain agreed without second thought.

“Mingi, break his chains and bring him with us.” The quartermaster didn’t understand, but obeyed anyway, moving to carry out his captain’s orders.

“What’s his name?” Hongjoong turned coldly to the snivelling captain, who yelped in fright at being addressed directly Hongjoong before scrambling to reply.

“He… he doesn't have one.”

Hongjoong smiled a little at the memory. Names were important, to him at least. A name was your identity to the person who’d given you the name. Whether it was your parents, or kin, it meant something.

He should really give this stowaway a name as well.

“Well, to work then.” He cracked his knuckles and dove straight into the book.

At first minutes passed, then hours. In fact, he didn't even realise that he had gotten so deep in thought, to the point the sun had already sunk behind the ocean waves. The flickering light of the candle made it hard to read, but as if he'd let something as small as that stop him.

“Captain, why are you still up?”

Hongjoong sprang into action, leaping from the bed and half drawing his musket until he realised Yeosang's face was right in front of his, holding his breakfast.

Wait, breakfast?

He whirled around to stare out of one of the potholes. Sure enough, he could see the line of orange rising from the sea, turning the sky into a beautiful gradient of apricot and tangerine.

“Shit.” Hongjoong rushed to pick up his red jacket, sliding his arms into the sleeves as quickly as possible. “Mingi has been steering for the last eleven hours?”

“It’s alright!” Yeosang said cheerily, setting the plate of food down on the bed and subtly swiping the book from the side. “I rotated with him for four hours. So did San.”

A horrified look of complete dismay crossed Hongjoong’s face. “San steered my ship?”

“Come on, you know he’s improved! He only ran us aground twice last year.” The navigator smiled, flipping through the book with interest. Hongjoong was still too agitated to notice what Yeosang was doing.

“That’s twice too many!” Hongjoong ranted, a hundred and one scenarios running through his mind at the thought of his precious ship being hulled because San had been at the wheel. “It’s dangerous to let San near the steering wheel and- What are you doing?”

Hongjoong made a grab for the book, but Yeosang twirled out of the way like a professional ballerina, reading through some of the names he’s chosen.

“Si Woo, meaning ‘begin’, ‘blessing’ and ‘divine intervention’. Hae Ju, meaning ‘jewel of the ocean’.” The captain yelped and dove for the book, but Yeosang sidesteped him and stuck a foot out to trip him. Hongjoong went staggering and fell face first onto the bed, all while Yeosang continued reading.

“Mal Chin, meaning ‘persisting till the end’-” Hongjoong finally managed to snatch the book back, hugging the book protectively to his chest and looking utterly betrayed.

“I am the captain!” Yeosang looked like he was about to laugh at the look on Hongjoong’s face.

“I thought you’ve always said to call you Hongjoong?”

The captain scowled. This little shit…

“Anyway, I should go.” Yeosang got up and made to leave the cabin with a self satisfied grin on his face. For a moment, Hongjoong dearly wanted to slap his navigator in the face with the book in his hands. “I need to tell San to take over Mingi at the wheel.”

Hongjoong was stunned silent for a moment. Then he tossed the book onto the bed and raced after Yeosang’s retreating back, screaming.

“Don’t let San touch my ship!”

That afternoon, Hongjoong had been lost in thought once more. The wind was good, exceptionally so that day, the currents steady and unchanging. Hongjoong leaned forward and rested his head against the wheel, taking a short break.

The first and last name he had ever bestowed was a name of hope for the future, a new beginning from his stark, desolate past. But this new stowaway had no past nor future yet. He didn’t know what to wish for the newest member of his crew, whether it be for love, family, friends. Or should he name the boy after a striking, physical defining trait?

He heaved a sigh. The last name he had chosen had been a lot easier.

Sure, he’d spent countless nights and hours debating and flipping through his books, but when he had seen the words, Hongjoong had immediately known in his heart that was the name for him.

“Why the long face, captain?” Yunho’s voice slipped into his ears. Hongjoong snorted under his breath.

“You can’t see my face.” Hongjoong reminded him, his voice muffled by the wood of the steering wheel. The lookout let out a chuckle of laughter.

“I don’t need to see your face to know what you look like, cap’n. I’ve known you for three years.” Yunho snickered as Hongjoong finally raised his head to look at him. The tall man was dangling upside down from a rope of the mizzenmast, swinging back and forth like some sort of bizarre pendulum. “Ahh, there’s the long face I was talking about.”

“Call me Hongjoong.” The poor captain sighed. “Honestly, you-”

“Everyone on this ship calls you, captain, Hongjoongie-hyung. Here, my apprentice just finished making these.” Hongjoong turned to see San ascending the stairs with a grin on his face. In his hands were two new stuffed toys. Hongjoong pointed at their resident healer.

“Why can’t you all be like him?”

San tossed one to each of them as Yunho gave his captain the most excited smile he had ever seen. “You mean you want us all to attempt to take the wheel of the ship? Awesome! I’ve never gotten to touch the wheel before!” He dropped from the rigging and moved closer to Hongjoong. “Come on, let me have a go-”

“No!” Hongjoong was flabbergasted. “That’s not what I meant!”

“What’s the commotion?” Mingi moved up the steps, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. To both his horror and relief, Yeosang had been joking with him earlier, San had not steered the ship, but instead Mingi had endured the helm for almost seven whole hours. Hongjoong had apologised to his quartermaster earlier, but his oldest friend had merely waved it off before going to take a caulk (pirate speak for ‘nap’) below deck.

“Oh!” Yunho clasped his hands together, as if just remembering something important. “Did Yeosangie tell all of you about that?”

That?

Apparently Hongjoong was the only one who doesn’t get that, because Mingi and San both made noises of comprehension and agreement.

“Ahh, that.”

“Guys, wait-” Hongjoong tried to say, but Yunho scratched his hair in deep contemplation.

“I like the first one better.”

First one?

“Nah, I still like the second one more.” Mingi shook his head, hair mussed up from sleep. San moved over to rearrange the threads in his cerulean blue hair and Mingi muttered a ‘Thank You’ sleepily through a yawn.

Second one?

“Well, I prefer the fourth one.” San shrugged, but then turned to look at Hongjoong with piercing eyes. “But in the end it’s still captain’s choice, isn’t it?”

“Wait a second.” Hongjoong’s brain was still trying to catch up. “What are all of you talking about?”

The three of them exchanged glances. Then San spoke up again, more clearly this time.

“I like the name Ha-Eun. That’s the fourth name, isn’t it?”

Mingi nodded. “The rest of the crew likes the name Da-Hae though. Says it makes sense because he’s a pirate boy now.”

“But Stowaway isn’t very big (Da-Hae means big ocean).” Yunho frowned, his arms crossed as he pondered this. “Hey, captain, do you think the name Young-Jae sounds good?”

Three of his closest friends turned to stare at him.

Hongjoong stared back at all of them for a moment, his mind in a bit of a shock.

Then he slammed his head against the wheel and let out a muffled scream.

A few nights later, Hongjoong sat in his cabin alone with a flickering lantern. Mingi was instructing Yeosang on some of the finer points of steering a ship, while Hongjoong continued reading the book he had slaved so long over.

Woof!

Hongjoong looked up to see a small Shiba Inu wagging its tail excitedly, running up to him. Hongjoong felt his face relax into a smile.

“Aish, Shiber, stop!” The captain laughed as San’s pet dog licked his cheeks and nose, nosing his eye patch with gusto. He patted the side of Yeosang’s bed. “Listen to some names I’ve chosen?”

Woof! Shiber leapt onto where Hongjoong had indicated, before flopping onto its belly with a softer, content bark. Hongjoong nodded, pulling out the list of names he’d shortlisted as he settled against the wall next to Shiber. The small dog snuggled into his side.

“So, here’s the first name. Da-Hae. Da means big and Hae means ocean, so it’s kind of related to the sea, am I right? I mean, we’re pirates, so…” Hongjoong shrugged, glancing through the notes he’d taken about it. “I do think it makes sense, though. What do you think? Is it any good, Shiber?”

Woof! The small dog wagged its tail enthusiastically, tongue lolling out of its mouth.

Hongjoong sighed in relief, fingers scratching Shiber’s head. “Good. I thought it might have been a little too boring. Then there’s Eun Ae, meaning grace and love. The stowaway does seem a little soft for the pirate life. Ah, never mind that. I’m sure Jongho or San or Seonghwa will take care of him. So, what do you think about this name, Shiber?”

Woof!

The captain smiled. “That’s nice to hear. I’m not really eloquent with words, so it’s good that you’re here to help me.” He flipped to the next page. “What about Ji Woo?”

Silence.

“Not that nice, huh?” Hongjoong shrugged, crossing the name out with his quill. “Yeah, maybe it’s not mighty and awe inspiring enough for someone who’s going to be a pirate. But I don’t want his name to be too intimidating though. It doesn’t suit him.”

Hongjoong exhaled, leaning against the wall as he pondered this carefully. The stowaway, who he had thought to be of the Royal Navy, an amnesiac, lost and without family. San and Seonghwa had both told him that the boy was determined to regain his memories, one way or another, and to be honest, Hongjoong wasn’t sure whether he ever would.

Memories were tricky business.

San had told him multiple times that he’d been blessed by a sea god, but Hongjoong had absolutely no recollection of it at all. And even if it were true, even if a sea god did exist, why would he bless him, of all people?

Hongjoong snorted at the absurdity of it all, shaking his head. Then he spoke aloud quietly, his voice a little raw with emotion. “I want a name that both represents the identity of that kid and gives him hope. He has neither now… but I want to give him the gift of a well thought name, at least. He doesn’t have his memories… But he wants to find them. So I should give him a name relating to that. Do you think that’s a good idea?”

Silence.

Hongjoong’s eyes narrowed suddenly as he stared at the Shiba Inu with betrayed eyes. Shiber looked at him innocently, tail wagging energetically. Then Hongjoong repeated his words from earlier, slower and more deliberate.

“Do you think that’s a good idea… Shiber?”

Woof!

Hongjoong buried his face in the pillow and screamed.

“I can’t believe you were just responding to your name the whole time! I trusted you, Shiber!”

Woof! Oh, the dog was just making fun of him now.

Hongjoong screamed again in despair and rolled over in the blankets, staring at the ceiling. “Get out and let me wallow in my self pity for a moment, please.”

Shiber merely barked joyously before trotting out of the room, presumably to find San or Seonghwa for more treats. Hongjoong heard the thump of his book falling to the ground as the dog left the room.

“I hate that dog.” His words were muffled by the pillow, but he begrudgingly got up to pick up his list.

And a page fell out of it.

Frowning, Hongjoong picked up the piece of yellowing paper with his fingers. Only one word on the page caught his eye.

“Chin Hae, meaning ‘truth’ or ‘depth of the ocean’. Describes a long search for something unknown and as endless as the sea for the truth.”

He thought about it for a moment. Something felt right, a warm settling in his chest.

He smiled.

#ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fanfiction #hongjoong #seonghwa #yunho #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #ateez pirate king #w; pirate king #w; ot8 #w; hongjoong #w; fanfiction

66 notes · View notes

wiypt-writes · 4 years

Text

Leave No One Behind

Ch 7- Hungry Like The Wolf Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing

Episode Summary: Ari heads back to TA and after meeting with his estranged wife he’s left in even more of a spin dealing with his feelings towards Hannah, until something finally snaps. And this time, there’s no going back.

Episode Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut (NSFW no under18s)

Episode Pairings: Ari Levinson x OFC Hannah Horowitz

A/N: Ok, so, we promised that this was going to be an explosive chapter and it is…in more ways than one.

Leave No One Behind Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 6

“Burning the ground, I break from the crowd, I'm on the hunt down, I'm after you. I smell like I sound, I'm lost and I'm found, and I'm hungry like the wolf.

Strut on a line, it's discord and rhyme, I'm on the hunt down, I'm after you. Mouth is alive with juices like wine, and I'm hungry like the wolf.”

Hungry Like The Wolf- Duran Duran

It had never crossed Ari's mind that he would be sitting in the living room in his old apartment as a visitor. But life moves in mysterious ways and there he was, sitting on the couch in the living room of the apartment he once shared with Sarah, hanging out with Maya who was cross legged on the rug by his feet, playing with her dolls.

Sarah had been kind enough to retreat to the kitchen to give them some time alone. Her greeting hadn't been awkward but it hadn't been warm either and Ari was a bit surprised to find it wasn't bothering him in the very least. His only concern was Maya's behaviour around him since last time they had been together he had left with a bittersweet feeling. That said, so far things were going smoothly. She hadn't hugged him back but, to his relief, she hadn't stiffened when he had hugged her and pressed a kiss on her head. Moreover, she had squealed in excitement when she had torn the wrapping paper off the present he had gotten her from Sudan and had seen the colourful beaded bag which she was now filling with her dolls' accessories.

They had engaged in a slow moving conversation about how she was doing at school and how well she was behaving at home. Nothing he couldn't have asked to any of the neighbour's kids. But at some point Maya had lifted her big brown eyes from the bag in her lap and had looked at him, taking him in for a few seconds before pointing out

"You're tanned."

Ari chuckled.

"Well, I get to spend a lot of time in the sun." he said with a smile that reached his eyes.

At least Maya was looking at him in the eyes this time. That was something.

"Have you swum in the sea like we used to do on holiday?" she asked, taking one of her dolls to start combing her hair.

"Yeah. I've also been diving."

He saw his daughter's eyes wide open with curiosity as she stopped what she was doing.

"Really? That's amazing."

"Sure is." Ari nodded, leaning forward and resting his arms on his thighs to catch her attention before explaining "There are lots of things to see down there. Sharks, fish, sunken pirate ships..."

"Really?" she asked, her eyes brimming with excitement "I wish I could go."

"I'd like that too, munchkin. But unfortunately I'm there working and that's not a place for a kid, as fun as it may sound."

Ari felt a pang in his chest as he noticed Maya's previously sparkling eyes and wide smile suddenly slip and she reverted into a sombre mood. He could read what was on her mind. How could he not? He had listened to those same words from Sarah over the last years of their marriage. Dad is always at work. Dad is far from home, living exciting adventures, helping other people rather than being at home with me.

She wasn't wrong, in a sense. So he decided to try and lighten her mood up a bit. It was worth the shot.

"Hey, did I tell you we have a dog now?"

"A dog?" she asked, visibly intrigued.

"Yup."

"What's he like?" She was smiling again.

"He's not very big. He's an Abyssinian sand terrier. They have no fur." Ari explained, smiling fondly at the memory of Simon.

"He's bald?”

"Yes, yes he is." Ari nodded, chuckling.

"Well, that's ok." Maya said tilting her head and grinning "You have enough hair for two, Daddy."

Ari laughed loudly which caught Sarah's attention from the kitchen.

"Hannah said the same thing."

"Who's Hannah?" Maya frowned.

"You remember Sammy?" Ari asked and Maya nodded "Well, she's his sister. They're both part of my team. Hannah is the one who found Simon... well actually he kinda found her."

"Simon?"

"Yeah, she named the dog after her favourite singer." Ari, who had been smiling since he had started talking about Hannah, explained.

"Like Simon Le Bon?" Maya asked, with a huge grin when she realised the connection.

"Yeah, exactly like him. In fact she named him Simon Le Bone."

Maya laughed and got up, picking her bag off the floor and bringing it back with her. She headed for the sofa and sat next to Ari. He had clearly piqued her curiosity.

"I want a picture of Simon."

"Yeah? Well I can send you one when I get back." Ari offered, nodding.

"Would you do that?" Maya asked, beaming at him.

"Of course I will. But only if you promise to write back." Ari said, as he reached to brush her hair off her face.

"Ok."

Ari could see Maya was clearly happy with the trade-off and the fact that she was opening up to him and had even agreed to write to him filled his heart with joy. He let out a contented sigh and noticed Maya was fiddling absent-mindedly with the beads on her new bag.

"I take it you like the bag, Munch?"

"It's beautiful, Dad." Maya nodded heavily.

"I’m glad…Hannah helped me pick it up."

Ari flinched at the slip of the tongue. What was wrong with him? It was like he couldn't help but talk about her. Though it was true, Hannah had got the bag for Maya and he was feeling a tad guilty about that. But as much as he had been looking forward to another trip with Hannah to Port Sudan to grab Maya something, Max had called dibs going just for the free food at the Souk and Ari was left with no other option to ask her if she would mind picking something up for Maya that she thought she might like.

"Did she? I like her." Maya said, snapping Ari from his thoughts.

Ari laughed at his daughter's quip "How’s that?"

"She adopted Simon and got me this, well you got it but she picked it." Maya offered with a shrug.

Ari fell silent. All his worries about Maya being upset he hadn't picked the gift himself vanished. Kids were amazing sometimes. Yet he didn't know what to say. It had been the longest conversation he had had with Maya for ages and he couldn't believe she was being so engaged and had warmed up to him so easily and, least of all, they were talking about Hannah. But it hadn't felt awkward, it just felt natural.

"Is she pretty?" Maya asked out of the blue.

Ari swallowed hard. Now that had taken him by surprise. He scratched his neck, fumbling for a suitable answer.

"Erm…I suppose so." he shrugged. It was the only thing he could come up with. Suitable enough for a seven year old though.

Who are you kidding, Levinson? I suppose so?

Maya, apparently, wasn't buying it either as she squinted her eyes.

"Ok, yes. Yes, she is pretty." Ari admitted after rolling his eyes, with a resigned smile.

"Cool." Maya quipped, smiling as well.

At that Sarah entered the living room as if she had spotted the perfect timing to step in their father-daughter moment.

“Maya, your lunch is ready. It’s in the kitchen, Honey, on the table." she said, looking at Maya

Maya stood up to do as she had been told but turned to look at Ari before asking "Are you coming dad?"

Ari felt like his heart would explode any minute but he looked at Sarah before answering and he could tell she wanted to talk to him so he had to hold back for the time being.

"Go ahead, I’ll be with you in a minute. Your mom and I have to talk about something." he said.

And as he watched her go he was truly jumping for joy, a big grin on his face. Maya had really asked him to go with her. But when he glanced at his estranged wife, he could see the nerve in her jaw and her shoulders tensing.

"I take it you were listening in?" he asked her.

"Of course I was. Gotta hand it to you Ari…” Sarah said and nodded towards the kitchen, “you won her back round with your stories."

Ari sighed as he brushed his hair off his head, readying himself for what was coming. The tell-tale endless list of flaws and reproaches.

"They’re not stories Sarah, just telling her about what I’m doing, well as much as I can that is." he took a deep breath.

"So I get you’re having a great time from what I heard." Sarah’s brown eyes locked onto his and Ari groaned. She wasn't beating about the bush.

"Can we not do this now? It’s not a vacation Sarah."

"And yet you’d still rather be there than here." she deadpanned.

Ari could not perceive any emotion in her eyes or her voice as she uttered those familiar words. She had thrown them back at him so many times over the last years, they felt mechanical now.

"I don’t have a choice." His response was just as automatic.

"There’s always a choice, Ari." Sarah said.

She wasn't letting go. Ari pinched the bridge of his nose and looked up at her.

"How many times do we have to go through this? I’m trying to do something good, because if my team doesn’t help those people no one will. And I’m trying to be a better father too, even if I’m not around…"

Sarah gave a scoff, interrupting his train of thought.

"Don’t shut me out Sarah, let me make it up to you, make it up to Maya." he said, with pleading eyes.

"Make it up to me? Ari, if you’re looking for a reconciliation it's too late."

Now that was a change. Ari could perceive some emotion in her voice. One of surprise.

"No, that’s not what I mean. I just, well I realised recently that I wasn’t a particular good husband to you, or a good father for that matter."

"The problem wasn’t you being a bad husband or dad Ari, it was with you never being there."

"I know and I’m sorry. I was wrong to just assume that you were ok with everything and to ignore how you felt. But, I wanna do better for Maya." he admitted.

"And you just came to this conclusion one evening when you were alone, soul searching did you?" Sarah snorted.

Ari stayed quiet. What else could he say? She knew perfectly well how his mind worked and was smart enough to spot there was something else to it. The question was whether she was gonna take that road and push him for more answers.

"You’ll always be the same." Sarah shrugged "You’ll never give up what you do and at one time that excited me, made me proud. But then I got tired of never being enough, never being the person you would quit for, and the fact I knew you’ll never leave that life behind. You could never understand that there were people at home who needed you just as much."

"I’m sorry." he whispered. And he meant it.

"Words mean nothing Ari. Make your future actions count. You wanna be a good father to Maya then you can’t keep running these missions. You may not have loved me but I know you love her." she said, her words dripping bitterness.

"Woah, Sarah, I loved you.” Ari shook his head, looking at her “In some ways I always will because we have Maya..."

"But we both know deep down if it wasn’t for her things wouldn’t have moved so fast." she cut him off.

Ari looked down. She was right. Maybe if it wasn't for Maya, they wouldn't have made it to the altar, certainly not as fast as they had. But, the fact was they did. And for the most part they’d been happy.

"But that…that isn’t important.” Sarah shook her head “What is, is that one day Maya’s gonna realise you were never there. She’s already asking questions about why you’re not there for school plays, open days, summer holidays and parties…"

Ari sighed "I know, I know…but at least now, if I can see her and write to her, I can be honest and she can understand."

Sarah looked at him for a minute, before she turned away. He could see she was debating whether to speak her mind or not, and he tensed up sensing the impending dig.

“Pulling Hannah into the mission is a pretty dramatic way to try and win her back Ari…"

And there it was. Ari shook his head and made an exasperated noise. He knew all too well she had brought Hannah up because of him talking to Maya about her.

"That’s not why I took her. It’s not what it seems, Sarah."

"It’s not what it seems, but it is what it is, huh?" she snorted.

Ari looked down at the carpet, avoiding her eyes. There was no point in lying to her, and to himself for that matter.

"I think we were always destined to fail...even on our wedding day you couldn’t take your eyes off her. You were with me because you couldn’t be with her." Sarah said, with a loaded sigh.

Ari shook his head “That’s not…” he looks at her before continuing "...don’t cheapen yourself into being a rebound Sarah, that’s not what we were.”

“Remember when you first told me you loved me? We had just come back from a date and we were in the car outside my apartment. You said those 3 words and told me you had never said them to another woman before.”

Ari could see where this was going.

“Of course I remember. I wasn’t lying Sarah, if that’s what you think…” Sarah smiled fondly now “I know Ari, you might be a lot of things but a liar isn’t one of them. What I was going to say is just because you never said it to another woman before, doesn’t mean you didn’t feel it.”

“Sarah…” Ari protested. “Maybe you just never got to tell her and I was in the right place at the right time…” she continued, ignoring him.

He stayed silent. Better get it over with. Let her speak her mind.

"You know I hope this mission, whenever it ends, teaches you something Ari. Preferably about how not to lie to yourself." she said, before nodding towards the kitchen.

He knew she meant the conversation was over. She had poured her heart out and she didn't need to hear anything more, she just wanted some head space. So he headed into the kitchen and joined Maya for what was left of her lunch.

Almost an hour later Maya had finished her lunch and Ari had helped her with her grammar homework for a while until it was time for him to leave. He didn't want to overstay his welcome but he arranged to pick Maya up the next day to take her out.

As it happened, he spent time with his daughter every day he was home, in between meetings at base and a visit to the cinema one evening which he thought would help him to unwind. He had snorted when he had seen one of the posters was announcing a film called Simon and after considering it for a while he finally decided on Mad Max, it was more his thing. But as he sat there alone in the darkness of the cinema waiting for the film to start, his mind inevitably flew to Simon and his pretty owner once again.

One of the afternoons he spent with Maya they headed into town where they had lunch, giving him the chance to buy Hannah's 30th gift. Well, the gift from the team that they had all agreed to contribute towards. He also grabbed the gift Sammy had asked him to pick up for his sister. As for what he wanted to get her as a personal gift that would have to wait until he got back and could get into Port Sudan. He was hoping it would still be there when he had the chance to return to the Souk. All in all, was a fairly expensive afternoon as Maya also stung him for a few new dolls and some art supplies. But he was more than happy to spoil her.

When it was his last day and time for him to say goodbye for another few months, Maya had given him a teary hug and kissed him goodbye when he had crouched to meet her height with arms wide open. Such a display of affection on his daughter’s part had choked him up as she was normally ambivalent about him leaving her. But this time it had felt different, an awful lot different. She had promised to write, and moreover Sarah had also promised to make her. He was satisfied as he had left things on a good note with Maya and a fairly even and amicable keel with Sarah after their conversation where they had come clean with one another. He had been dreading the meeting with his estranged wife, and had been petrified as to Maya’s reaction towards him too when he had left Sudan but he had to admit it had been as good as he could have hoped for.

So, a week after he had landed in Tel Aviv as a messy wreck, Ari found himself sat on a flight back into Port Sudan much more at peace. He couldn't help but think about everything that happened over the last week and as he stirred the tomato juice he had asked the flight attendant for, his mind drifted to the parallels between his marriage to Sarah and Hannah’s to Andy. The conversation with Sarah had got him thinking that like Sarah was to him, Andy would have been the first person Hannah said “I love you” to. It was crystal clear. But from her confession on the beach that night after their first mission, Andy wasn’t the first man she ever loved, that honour was Ari’s. Moreover, had the interference from Andy and Sammy never happened, it would have been each other they had said it to first, because he knew that Sarah was right. Although he had never said it to Hannah, he had felt it.

And moreover he was beginning to think he felt it still.

**** As Ari was in line waiting to go through passport control after having landed in Port Sudan airport twenty minutes before, he thought about the last time, the only one in fact, he had been waiting in that same line and how the mixed feelings of uncertainty and expectation for what lay ahead that had haunted his mind then had now turned into a heart-warming feeling of going back, not to where he belonged, it wasn't like that, but certainly to somewhere he wanted to be and that thought put a soft smile on his face.

After collecting his luggage he found Max waiting for him in the arrivals lounge. He greeted him with a heartfelt hug and a pat on the back. No words were needed.

"Good flight man?" Max asked, as he reached for one of Ari's bags and headed to the parking lot.

"Was ok. Had some brat behind me kicking my chair but other than that…" Ari replied, following him through the crowds of people.

Max just smiled and after sharing some more trivial information about the weather and the latest news in both Sudan and Tel Aviv as they reached the car and jumped in after placing Ari's luggage on the trunk, both men fell in a comfortable silence.+

That was until Ari spoke again, letting the words that were burning inside him come out searing his throat in the process.

"How’s everyone been?" he asked, clearing his throat.

Max didn't peel his eyes off the road and pondered Ari's question for a moment before smiling.

"If by everyone you mean Cracker, then fine."

"I meant everyone." Ari said, his voice as steady as he could as he looked out of the window.

"Sure you did." Max smiled again.

"Fuck you Max." Ari snapped, turning to look at him.

"You sure you wanna fuck me?" Max chuckled.

Ari merely rolled his eyes in response and sighed. Better just to let Max get away with it, he already had the information he wanted. Well, sort of. Ari realised he didn't know exactly what was that he was expecting Max to tell him. He certainly wasn't gonna tell him she had missed him so much that it hurt until someone or something reminded her of him and soothed a bit of that pain…

They were getting a few miles from the resort and he was getting more anxious by the minute. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. Had that herd of camels always been on that valley by the road? As they approached the resort and Ari could distinguish the set of low white buildings in the distance he was getting the jitters. His stomach effectively flipping like he was a fucking teenager by the time Max parked the jeep under the shaded spot to the left of the resort.

They climbed out of the car and the salty sea breeze hit his nostrils but before he could register any more sensations of the hundreds he had missed from that God forsaken piece of paradise, he heard Simon barking and the dog emerged from the hotel, wagging his tail so fast it was a blur. Ari crouched down to say hi to him just as he jumped up at him, licking his face.

“Yeah missed you too bud.” he laughed, scratching his ears furiously.

Once Simon had calmed down a bit he turned to the car to get his bag and glanced up as he heard voices, his heart pounding violently in his chest. Sammy and Jake appeared to help him with his bags

"Come here…" Jake said with a wide grin, patting him on the back, just like in Belize although Ari was pleased he was dressed this time.

"Good to see you man." Sammy greeted him with a sincere smile.

"Hi Sammy." Ari smiled back.

He then glanced to the front of the hotel and saw Rachel and Hannah, smiling. His heart skipped a beat as he took Hannah in as she was stood in a pair of khaki shorts and a black crochet bikini top. He swallowed and grabbed a bag before heading towards them. He frowned faintly behind his aviators when he saw Hannah stiffen a little as he approached them.

Rachel moved to hug him, welcoming him back. And whilst he hugged her his eyes flicked to Hannah and she smiled at him shyly. Rachel released him and he turned towards her, his mind racing. Should he hug her? he wondered as he saw her tuck a piece of her dark hair behind her ears, a sign Ari could place as her being nervous.

"Hi Firefly." he said softly but with a blinding smile on his face.

Rachel turned to head inside as he opened his arms, leaving them alone.

"Hi Ari" she said as she stepped into his embrace.

"You ok?" he whispered into her ear.

She nodded as she relished the feeling of being in his arms. Ari knew the others would only be able to see his back as they were lifting the bags out but nevertheless he was aware he was holding her for slightly too long so he stepped back unwillingly.

"Good." he smiled at her.

Hannah swallowed a little and was then distracted by Simon who had jumped up and grabbed the bottom of the leg of Sammy’s shorts, looking for his attention.

"Hannah, get your dog off me." Sammy groaned.

Hannah laughed and gave a sharp whistle and Simon let go and trotted over her.

"He still hate you, Sammy?" Ari said, turning to look at his friend.

"The feeling is mutual." Sammy deadpanned before muttering " Ugly little gargoyle." to which Simon growled.

"I see how that's mutual." Ari quipped. "Stop calling him ugly Sammy, you’ll hurt his feelings." Hannah glared at his brother. And then she putting on a voice as if speaking to a baby she crouched down. "You're not ugly are you boy, no…"

Ari chuckled and moved to grab one of his bags as Sammy was chunnering under his breath about the ‘fucking mutt’ and they all went inside. Ari headed to his hut to unpack and to get changed. He felt grubby, surely needing a shower. But he was also tired.

As he sat on his bed his mind wandered to how he had felt seeing Hannah again. He had felt relief, this horrible gnawing feeling in his stomach that had been growing stronger by the hour as he travelled back had gone and he reflected on how calming the touch of her skin was, still fresh from the sea against his clothes…her black bikini top, her wet hair slicked back, the drops of water kissing her shoulders and collar bone… He shook his head to bring himself out of what was threatening to become a dirty day dream.

He needed to get a grip. Rachel had said that lunch would be ready in 15 and he had spent a great amount of that time dwelling in his feelings and needs. Well spent, if you asked him. Not wasted. So he changed into a pair of shorts and a clean t-shirt and shoved his flip flops on before heading back out for lunch.

When he got to the dining room, everyone was dressed respectably now having covered up to sit at the table. Hannah wearing a bright yellow paisley sundress that hung halfway between her thighs and her knees, the colour drawing out the tone of her sun-kissed skin even more.

They sat having lunch, everyone in character as they always did in the dining room around tourists. As they started eating, Ari began to talk to them in code, telling them how their ‘sponsors’ were happy with the way things were going, even if Isaacs was still having a fit about the “unexpected guests" and confirmed their next “scouting” mission to be the middle of next month. Sammy then asked Ari casually about Sarah and Maya and there were a couple of seconds of silence during which Rachel, Jake and Max exchanged a glance. If Sammy had been paying attention to something other than the salad in his plate, he would have noticed Rachel glaring at him.

Hannah looked down to her food, playing with the fork, a movement that didn’t pass Ari by as he took a sip directly from his beer bottle trying to win himself sometime before answering.

"They’re good." he finally said, glancing at Hannah. But he then quickly looked around at everyone else so as not to raise suspicions. "Maya’s doing well at school…spent time every day with her, it was nice.

He smiled at the memory of the time spent with his daughter and saw Hannah smile too though she was still looking at her food. Ari swallowed his piece of bread and then looked around before speaking again.

"So Max filled me in a little on the drive over but how’ve you all been guys?" he asked as he tossed a random piece of meat down to Simon. The dog caught it and swallowed without so much as chewing. Ari could swear the animal would never be full no matter what he ate. He could be the canine version of Max.

"Oh you know, busy. Doing all the fucking activities in your fucking brochure." Jake complained, and everyone sniggered.

"All been doing our thing as usual. No strange visitors." Max said, giving Ari a meaningful look.

"We’ve just been lucky." Sammy quipped.

"Ever the optimist Samuel." Hannah said, rolling her eyes at her brother in front of her.

"Or just a realist, Han." he shrugged, looking at her arching an eyebrow.

Ari just sat there, eating his food and watching the scene with a wide smile. He had missed the siblings bickering. It was one of the many little things that made their days at the resort special and you missed when you weren't there.

"We cleared the top floor of the hotel so the 5 rooms up there are usable now. Takes capacity up to 25 guests at any one time." Rachel informed, once the bickering had died down.

"I can’t cope with 25 tourists at once." Max protested.

"Shut up, you just do all that weird shit in the mornings, you know, breathing and kicking the air! I do the tough stuff." Jake snorted.

"Yeah sure, all day down there watching the fish." Max bit back.

"Err.. it's me and Angela that do the tough stuff…any of you want to massage those hairy men?" Hanna cut them both off.

Everyone sniggered again and Ari shifted a little, squirming on his seat and praying no one had noticed.

"You had to go there." Sammy glared at his sister and Hannah winked.

"Well I would offer to do the aerobics classes, Red but not sure I’d rock a leotard as well as you." Jake intervened, not letting the opportunity to flirt pass by.

Ari groaned internally. One of his worst nightmares while being back home in Tel Aviv had been Hannah finally giving in to Jake's advances. Sure she had promised to wait for him the same way he had promised to come back to her. And deep down he knew he was the one who could be called untrustworthy not her, but still. He would have shouted back off, bastard from the top of his lungs if that hadn't meant putting Hannah, and himself, in a compromised position.

"Which reminds me Ari, some guests say they’ve missed you in the aerobics classes. What does that even mean? You never attended one of mine." Rachel asked, squinting her eyes at Ari.

Max sniggered as Ari shrugged innocently.

"They did not miss me?" Jake asked, surprised.

"No coz you still go, hanging around like a giant pervert at the back. You need to get laid." Hannah quipped.

"I told you, I’m trying…not my fault everyone around here is impervious to the old Wolf charms." Jake whined.

"I’m glad to see nothing has changed." Ari drawled.

"You’ve only been gone a week bud." Sammy said, stating the obvious.

"Well it feels like longer." Ari told Sammy. He smiled as he uttered those words, catching Hannah’s eye for a second instead of looking at Sammy, trying to convey she was the reason why, and then glancing away quickly trying to keep it cool. Had his eyes lingered on hers a second more, he wouldn't have missed the smile that flickered across her face.

"Well, as much as I’d like to stay here listening to you roasting each other I got a diving tour in 15 minutes." Jake announced as he got up. "Red, you want in?”

Hannah pondered for a moment, avoiding Ari's gaze, before shrugging "Yeah sure, why not?"

Ari's eyes darted between Jake and Hannah as she got up and the two of them headed out, Simon trotting behind.

"You taking the dog diving?" Ari asked, hoping that little detail would prevent her from going.

Hannah stopped and turned around. For a few seconds Ari thought he had gotten what he wanted. That was until he registered the broad smile on Hannah's face.

"No, he likes to sit in the boat.” She chuckled “Hey, wonder if we could find a little doggy wetsuit for him…"

Everyone laughed loudly, attracting the attention of some of the tourists that were still finishing their lunch, and then Hannah turned and headed after Jake. Ari sat there frowning and wondering since when had the dog sat in a boat? She must have gone diving a lot whilst he was away, and that got him in a very bad mood all of a sudden. A very bad mood he tried to conceal behind the cigarette he had lit up to keep his hands from turning into fists and he held back a sigh as he exhaled the smoke while watching her go.

Rachel cleared her throat, clearly to bring Ari's attention back before Sammy could get offended at the way he was looking at his sister.

"I should be getting the activities for the afternoon ready."

"Oh, that reminds me…I got Hannah’s presents from TA." Ari said looking at Sammy. "The camera and film was just over 150. That ok?"

Sammy nodded "Cheers, man"

"And the one from the rest of us…like we agreed, I went to max of 100 each." Ari continued, now looking at Rachel and Max as well.

Rachel nodded in agreement before standing up "Bring it to the safe and I’ll stash it." and Ari nodded as she walked off.

Sammy then turned to Max "You and me need to finish off painting the top of the outside wall." he said as he put out his cigarette butt.

"With beer, right?" Max asked with his signature grin.

"Always." Sammy said, nodding back. When the two men left him, Ari decided to take a walk on the beach. He had missed it. He had missed walking on the white sand and the way the sun rays reflected on the water surface, but most of all he had missed the sound of the ocean that lulled him to sleep at night. He lit up another cigarette and saw Hannah and Jake, now clad in wet suits pushing the equipment laden boats down the ramp into the sea. As if on cue, Simon jumped into one, barking. Ari couldn't help but give a huff of laughter at the image, but the sight of Hannah and Jake had ruined his blissful moment on the beach so he decided then to head to his hut to get her present and a few minutes later he walked into the reception area.

Rachel took the box Ari was handing her and opened it, giving a low whistle.

"That’s nice…and you say 100 bucks each?"

"Give or take." Ari waved his hand, trying to play it down.

"You’re so full of shit Guy…I know for a fact these are over 800 a pop…so even if me, Max and Jake all chip in that means you’ve shelled out almost 500 of your own cash." Rachel huffed, hands on her hips.

"I don’t mind." he shrugged.

"I hope you say that when it's my turn." Rachel said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"You’re already 30." Ari quipped.

He had tried to make it sound casual, but had obviously failed at it as Rachel was now giving him a knowing look, which got him wondering exactly how much she did know, and then she turned to open the safe. As she did Ari looked around and spotted something on the wall that hadn’t been there before he left. It was a piece of driftwood that had been sanded down and bore the words “Satisfied Guests” painted in red and white letters over the top with a number of hooks screwed into it. The whole thing had been varnished and hanging from it were 3 painted white shells, each displaying a number, together showing a total of 174. Ari instantly realised that was the number of refugees they rescued on their first mission. "That’s new." Ari smiled.

Rachel looked round puzzled and saw he was looking at the board "Yeah, Hannah made it."

“Did she?" Ari asked, a rhetorical question of sorts that allowed him some time to take the whole board thing in. Of course, she did. It was shouting Hannah all over.

"Yeah, she found the wood washed up, painted the letters and shells then varnished it. Max screwed the hooks in but it was basically her idea." Hannah explained as he looked at a beaming Ari. "It took her a while but I think he was glad of the distraction."

"Distraction from what." he asked, rather too quickly.

Rachel looked at him, giving him a half smile but not saying a word.

Ari sighed after bringing his hands to his hips

"You know." it was a statement more than a question.

Rachel gave him a look, playing with him a bit, before asking "Know what?" and with that she flashed him a wink and turned around to fetch some papers from a side table.

"Can I ask you something?" he spoke again.

"Sure." she said turning around, noticing Ari was looking down the corridor out to the sea. "She’s only gone with him a couple of times, Ari."

Ari frowned, taken aback. How the fuck did she know he was gonna ask that? but then the merciless truth appeared before his eyes.

"Am I really that obvious?" he asked shyly.

"When it comes to her, yes." Rachel replied, giving him a sympathetic smile.

"Do you think Sammy…?"

"Look, you want my advice?" Rachel asked, shaking her head. "Forget about him Ari.."

"I wish I could…damned, this is so complicated."

"Like I said to Hannah, it’s only as complicated as you make it." Rachel tried to comfort him as she had done with Hannah the day he had left.

Ari was taking in Rachel's words but his thoughts were disturbed by Max who appeared all sweaty with an empty tin of paint.

"Where’s the rest of this?" he asked, lifting the empty can.

"In the office." Rachel said.

Max then nodded and headed towards the kitchen area.

"You’re going the wrong way" Ari called him.

"I need a snack."

"You just ate lunch!" Rachel exclaimed as if talking to a toddler.

Max turned to her and shrugged "And?"

Ari shook his head, chuckling and looked at Rachel before saying, more to himself than to the woman, "Think I’m going to go for a run, need to blow off some steam."

Rachel smiled at him and gave him a nod just before he headed out of the reception area.

*****************

Reflecting on Rachel's words Ari headed to his hut. She had a point. They should be coming to terms about what they were feeling and not worrying about what other people, not even Sammy, might say or how they'd react. They were grown-ups running a mission, for fucks sake, not teenagers moping around at the school's canteen.

He shoved his trainers on and headed out as he turned his walkman on. As the music started blaring in his ears he began pounding along the dusty road at the front of the resort, pushing everything from his mind as best he could. He followed his familiar 7 mile route, rounding the cliff and getting back onto the shore until he ran back down along the sand as Message in a Bottle by The Police started playing.

Ari slowed to a stop, catching his breath and saw Hannah and Jake returning. He watched them for a second as they unload the boat and then decided to head back to get a shower but paused as he took off his headphones and turned his walkman off. The sea looked so inviting, he thought. Thus, on a sudden whim of spontaneity, he stripped off his shirt, shed his trainers and ran towards it, flinging himself and diving into the cool water. When he emerged he shook his hair out a little and did a couple of strokes out before letting himself float a little. After 10 minutes or so of just floating aimlessly letting his mind focus on the sensations of the water beneath and the sun rays above him, he felt every muscle in his body relax. The strains of his trip completely washed away, he swam back to shore and waded out of the water.

Hannah chose that exact moment to walk past, back in her sundress after changing out of her wetsuit, and spotted Ari just as he was wading towards the sand. She stared as he ran his hand through his wet hair and was really struggling to keep her eyes from the veins and muscles in his arms and forearms as he did so. Of course, following the lines of water as they trickled down his chest to his defined abs didn’t help much either. Fortunately, if you could say that, she was snapped back from her drooling state by a group of young, female tourists who started catcalling him from where they were sat on the beach.

Hannah saw him grin as he passed the group acknowledging them “Ladies.” as he nodded and walked toward where she was stood by his clothes. The way he had spoken, in such a low, sultry voice had made her core clench slightly, and she was still trying to recover from it when Ari looked at her and smiled, and that made it even worse. She was getting more and more flustered by the minute but then she took a deep breath and suddenly thought to herself, Two can play that game, Levinson.

Ari saw her pulling her sundress over her head, leaving her in nothing but that black crochet bikini as she tossed her clothing down on top of his and sauntered past him.

“Shame you didn’t wait, Lobo…” she teased

He turned to watch her dive straight into the waves. He stood still for a moment like he had been nailed to the ground. Fuck! Cursing under his breath he headed to his hut, grabbed his shades and cigarettes and came back, flopping onto the sand by the pile of clothing. He watched as Hannah took a swim out a little further than he had gone whilst, Simon who had swum out a little way after her, clearly decided enough was enough and turned back around. He made his way out of the water, shook himself off and ran to Ari who scratched him, all the time watching Hannah behind his aviators.

A few minutes and half a cigarette later she made her way back to shore. As she got out, she pulled her hair out of it’s pony tail before shaking it out loosely. She was soaking, water dripping down her tanned body which was glistening in the now setting sun. And Ari wanted to die, more like he could have died then and there and he would have gone happily. That it was the second time he had seen her wet that day, and neither of them at his hands.

Get a grip, Levinson, with a silent groan he pulled his knees to his chest to hide his growing boner before Hannah reached the spot where he was sat. What was that about not being a fucking teenager again?

Hannah dropped next to him on the sand she reached for his cigarette. "I see you have some fans." she said, nodding to the young women who had been cat calling him as she took a drag and blew it out.

Ari forced himself to peel his eyes from the perfect line of her jaw to look over her shoulder at them realising they were looking at him and whispering. He waved and nodded at them playfully whilst he said "Not a chance, Firefly."

Hannah looked at him, trying to read the meaning of those words in his eyes, but he was hiding behind his glasses. She sighed and handed his cigarette back, his fingers brushing hers lightly and he looked at her.

"I really wanna kiss the life out of you right now, Han."

Oh, God. Not that voice again. She thought as she flushed. Taking a breath she recovered and then turned to him, flashing him a smile, that fucking smile that killed him every damned time and she looked around.

"Yeah, probably not a good idea." she bit her lower lip.

Ari looked around too.

"No one from the team here…I think it’s a very good idea." he countered, and Hannah could see his left eyebrow rise from behind his shades as he smiled. She looked around again to see he was right.

She hesitated for a few seconds, the beating of her heart pounding in her ears as she reached for his hand and laced her fingers through his, painfully slowly, not taking her eyes from their intertwined hand as she brushed his palm with her thumb.

Fuck! That simple but intimate gesture was sending electricity through his entire body and he swallowed hard. "You don’t wanna keep doing that, Firefly." he finally managed to speak, his voice low and hoarse.

She smiled "What if I do?"

Ari studied her eyes for a moment, taking her in before answering her question. "They’ll end up shutting the hotel down because of a scandal."

She laughed, the image of a shocked Ethan's face coming to her mind. But she didn't stop caressing his hand with her thumb.

"Can’t have that now, can we?" she shrugged, as she squeezed his hand faintly.

Ari turned around once more to check there was still no unwelcome audience before leaning his head on the crook of her neck. Nuzzling her skin, still fresh from the sea, with his nose before pressing a soft kiss on her neck under her ear.

He felt her stiffen, her breath caught as she closed her eyes and swallowed. Now that was sending shivers down his spine and he was having bad thoughts about her swallowing something else. His breath caught in his throat and Hannah must have sensed it too because she whispered. "Ari" as her body turned towards him, her free hand dropping on to his bare thigh, curling her gentle fingers around the curve of his muscle.

Ari immediately tensed up at her touch, hissing internally, and he turned around again, this time a little quicker than previously because he couldn’t take it anymore.

Coast is still clear.

"Firefly, look at me." he instructed, pulling his shades from his face.

She did as told, noticing the urgency in his voice and he immediately pressed his lips to hers in a soft peck. It was quick but he felt the longing that had been plaguing him over the last week finally wash away. He thought of all the nights he had laid down on his bed in Tel Aviv replaying that last night at the resort with her before he had left, as he rubbed his nose softly along hers before catching her mouth again, keeping it short and sweet, but loaded with feeling.

As he pressed his head to hers be became suddenly aware of a movement in his peripheral and jerked his head away, fearing someone from the team might have showed up in the few minutes he and Hannah had been lost in one another. But as he looked around he saw it was the group of female tourists who were gathering their things and shooting glances their way, none of them particularly nice it truth be told, and could see they were talking in low whispers as they stood.

Hannah followed his gaze and moved her hand off his leg.

"Probably not the smartest idea we’ve had, huh?" she said softly.

"I don’t care. You’ll always be my smartest move, Firefly." Ari stated, looking into her eyes with determination.

She was about to say something back Simon let out a little whine from where he had been led next to Hannah and stood up, shooting off behind them. They were both startled and turned to see Max approaching, already within earshot.

"We’re gonna fire the BBQ up now…just to…er..warn you." he informed them, the expression on his face unreadable.

Both looked at him innocently as he smirked. Well, that smirk could be read, couldn’t it?

"Thanks Max, I’ll just grab a clean shirt." Ari was the first to speak as he stood up and offered Hannah his hand to pull her to her feet and handed her dress to her. She pulled it on and they both walked off, not exchanging any words in the process. Ari shot her one last glance and almost as if she could sense it, she turned and looked over her shoulder at him, catching his eyes before she looked back the way she was walking, heading after Max.

A little while later Ari headed to the patio area of the resort and spotted Hannah already seated at one of the tables, a glass of what looked like lemonade in her hand which he suspected was laced with Vodka. Max was at one side of her and the seat on the other was free. Trying not to smile too much, he headed over to take it, hoping for the chance to at least sit next to her, maybe give him the opportunity to hold her hand under the table but to is utter horror Sammy appeared out of nowhere and flopped into the seat he had been eyeing up.

Bastard. So instead he took a seat opposite her, that is when he got chance to sit down as he was roped into doing the BBQ, Rachel appealing to his ego by telling the guests loudly that no one grilled a steak like Guy Thomas. After an hour or so, the meal was done and then everyone piled onto the beach after Max lit a camp fire. The beach was dark now, illuminated by the fairly lights and the camp fire, the latter of which was sending warm shadows across the sand. Ari sat down on one of the blankets, watching as Hannah got roped into some stupid dancing as Max strummed his guitar (which Ari wanted to smash over his head for effectively cock-blocking him earlier). He was fighting the urge now to get up and dance with her too, but he knew he had to keep a respectable distance, if nothing but to placate the girls from the beach who were shooting daggers at Hannah and mumbling no doubt about what they had seen the pair of them do on the beach. Eventually, however, their attention was diverted as Jake flopped into the middle of their little circle with a bottle of tequila, flirting his way around the 3 women. Hannah nudged Max and pointed to him, the pair of them snorting and shaking their heads. Hannah caught Ari’s eye and he flashed her a smile which she returned until she was dragged back into the hotel by Max, presumably for more beer.

All in all it should have been a nice first evening back with his team. This set of guests left tomorrow morning and the new ones weren’t around until the morning after so everyone was cutting loose, but he was simply dying. Seeing her so close and so carefree and not being able to simply reach out to her was killing him. When he couldn’t take it anymore he stood up and excused himself.

“I’m turning in.” he said, stretching his arms above his head. “It’s been a long day for me and I’m exhausted.”

Rachel looked at him, nodding sympathetically “Yeah, you do look whacked.” “Gee thanks.” he rolled his eyes as Max sniggered. He looked at Hannah again who simply looked him up and down before he turned away, bidding everyone goodnight and headed away to his hut further up the beach. Once inside he flopped down, his fingers linking together behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling for a moment before he closed his eyes, reliving that 5 minutes or so he’d had with Hannah alone on the beach. He was going to have to come up with something, some way to get her alone so they could talk or…well, whatever. As he lay there, for how long he had no idea, he felt his eyelids growing heavy and he was just dozing off when he heard Simon barking.

“Simon shhh.” Hannah chastised, her voice drifting through the window as she passed his hut “Quiet!”

Now he was wide awake again, and that aching feeling was back in his stomach. Fuck, he couldn’t take this anymore. He waited for a minute or so, arguing internally about how going after her was a bad idea, but that devil on his shoulder was telling him that laying where he was, stewing on everything was equally as bad an idea.

Fuck it.

Standing up he brushed his hair back out of his eyes and opened his door a fraction. He poked his head out and took a quick look around, there was no one in sight and he could hear the party faintly as it was still going on outside the main hotel area. He stepped outside, and keeping himself as close to the staff quarters as he could to try and stay in the shadows he made his way 3 down to Hannah’s.

Unsure if she would be there or at her rocks, he knocked gently and heard Simon give another bark. His breath caught in his chest as his stomach began to churn again as he stood, waiting, feeling like he was about to burst with anticipation. After what felt like an hour, but was less than 5 seconds in reality, the door finally clicked open and without so much as a word Hannah stepped back to let him in and he quickly shut the door behind him. There was a moment where he stood simply looking at her, and then that final thread of self-control snapped. To hell with everything and everyone, he was done waiting.

He wanted her, and fuck, he was going to have her.

He reached out, wrapping his hand around her upper arm and with a sharp tug which almost made her stumble he pulled her to him. He swallowed the small squeak of surprise she had made as his lips crashed onto hers and before Hannah could even think to kiss him back, he pulled away, pressing their foreheads together.

There was a slight pause between them, both trying to catch their breath from the searing kiss Ari had just delivered and he let out a soft sight. “Firefly…I missed you…

“Mi Lobo…” she whispered and her hands reached for his face, fingers threading into his beard and she pulled him back to her. Their lips found one another again, his hands moving to her waist to pull her closer and he began to tug at her clothes. He grabbed the bottom of her sun dress and he broke away from her for a second to pull it over her head before his lips crashed back to hers as they both stumbled around the room.

Ari took hold of her hips so to manoeuvre her wherever he wanted, his fingers flexing on her bare skin just above the waistband of her bikini bottoms. They continued to blindly fall around the small hut, lips furiously locked together, teeth clashing, tongues tangling in the utter ferocity of the moment until, after colliding with the small set of drawers set against one of the walls, Ari took control. Shoving her bikini bottoms down he allowed her to step out of them before he roughly picked her up. Her bare legs immediately wrapped around his waist and her arms went around his neck as he pushed her up against the wall at the far side of the hut and, using it as support he shifted his grip from under her ass and his hands moved around to the back of her neck. With surprisingly soft fingers which caused her to shiver as they grazed her skin, he pulled the strings on her bikini which allowed it to fall forwards, exposing her breasts, his hands sliding down between her shoulder blades to the, dancing along her spine before he reached the fastenings behind her back and undid the bow there too, pulling the garment away completely, tossing it somewhere to his right.

He broke the kiss to glance down at her, giving a small moan at the sight as her chest heaved with exertion and anticipation. She was every bit as fucking gorgeous as he remembered. Hannah’s hands fisted in his t-shirt and grabbed at the hem, tugging it upwards. Holding his arms above his head he allowed her to pull it off and she tossed it to the floor, her hands moving to his chest as his mouth trailed from hers along her jaw to her neck. Her head fell back against the wall as his hands pressed flat on the stone surface, either side of her face as he nipped at her skin. She gave a low moan, rolling her hips against his and he felt his cock twitch slightly drawing a hiss from his mouth.

“I missed you…” he repeated his earlier words, his mouth right by her ear, voice was low and carried a tone of desperation she couldn’t ever remember hearing from Ari before. It was enough to send a shiver down her spine.

“You were only gone a week…” She mumbled as his lip moved downwards, hot kisses branding her skin across her collar bone.

“I didn’t mean this week…” he said, his teeth grazing the hollow just beneath her throat. “I should have fought harder, stayed with you…I’m so sorry Firefly.”

Hannah’s hands fisted in his hair and she gave a sharp tug, the quick bite of pain made him growl in his throat as he looked at her, their eyes locking for a second.

“I know.” she said, her voice soft as she breathed out, swallowing slightly “And I believe you…I forgive you.”

He looked at her a second, her words echoing around lust hazed brain for a second as they hit home, the final atonement for his wrong doing all those years ago. He gave her a quick smile and then surged forward again, kissing her desperately and she openly moaned into his mouth as his hand slid between them and he trailed two of his fingers across her slit. She was wet and at the feel of her he gave a soft growl as she pulled away, her head falling back and a whimper escaping her mouth as he began to play with her, touch her, just how he remembered she liked. His head dropped to her chest as he moved his mouth to take her right nipple between his lips, softly at first before his teeth grazed her sensitive skin drawing a breathy cry from her mouth as he alternated between stinging bites and soothing licks, all the time his hand working at her clit. He moved to the other side, repeating his motion and she began to rock against his hand, seeking his touch even more. With a quick movement he pushed 2 fingers inside her and she gave a dirty purr of delight as he continued, his motions fast and aggressive. Sensing she was close by the shortening of her breath he moved his mouth from her chest so he could watch her as she came, her eyes fluttering shut, mouth slackening and her head fell forward before it tipped back and she let out a quiet squeal as he felt her tightening around her, her channel squeezing his fingers as her hands dug into his shoulders. He loved how graceful she was, even in the throes of an orgasm her noises were so dainty and soft and it drove him fucking wild.

He couldn’t help but smirk at the pout she gave as he moved his fingers out of her, readjusting her slightly before he shoved his swim shorts down, freeing his now painfully hard erection before he paused and suddenly realised...

Sensing his hesitation, Hannah finally managed to get enough about her to shake her head. Her hands cupped his cheeks and she looked at him.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ve no…” he swallowed and she shook her head, smiling.

“It’s ok. I’m covered…and there’s been no one since Andy,” she bit her lip “And there was no one before him bar you so...” Ari gulped a little at her revelation, “No one?” She shook her head, her eyes locking onto his as Ari let her words sink in and for some reason, the thought of him being the only other man bar her husband that had taken her this way was turning him on even more. He also understood that it meant it was 4 years since she’d been with a man. Hannah watched as his eyes flashed and his entire face darkened slightly as he gave her a look, one that she had seen before a few times, that glare of a predator, eyeing up its prey.

“Oh Firefly…” he voice was low and deep, almost a growl and it went straight to that spot in her belly as she looked at him, eyes wide “I hope you’re fuckin’ ready.”

“Show me what you got, Lobo.” She challenged back, and her sass made him groan before he shifted, his hands moving to the back of her thighs and he opened her up to him even more as he pushed into her, slowly, revelling in the feel of her as her tight heat gripped him. Hannah’s gasp caught in her throat as she felt him fill her, a feeling she’d been missing for so fucking long, being close to someone, feeling treasured, feeling needed, feeling wanted.

One of her hands gripped his bicep, the other flew to the wall to steady herself and Ari’s hips ground against hers as he bottomed out. “Fuck…” he breathed, his face pressing into her neck as he gave them both a second to savour the moment before he snapped his hips back and this time slammed back into her, a motion he repeated over and over with such force that Hannah was sure she was about to go straight through the stone wall he was fucking her against, onto the beach outside.

Desperate to be closer to him, Hannah leaned her body forwards and the motion made him go deeper inside of her, which caused them both to groan and her head fell back, smacking against the hard wall. At that point Ari decided he wanted her in the bed, if nothing more to prevent a fucking concussion, so he moved his hands from the wall and grabbed her hips. Turning the pair of them, he carried her across the room, stepping out of his shorts which had fallen to his ankles, kicking them away as he stumbled slightly, all the time still grinding up against her, pulling her down onto him as he speared upwards and dropped them both onto the native pattered covers. One hand gripping her knee, he hooked her leg over his shoulder and Hannah grabbed his forearms as he propped himself up, looking at her as he pounded into her, his pace relentless, both of them caught up in the utter carnal desire that filled the room, the filthy sounds of skin hitting skin surrounded them as he continued his avaricious pace.

Hannah’s head was a whirl. The roughness of his pubic hair was grinding against her clit along with the fact he was bottoming out inside her, hitting her spot again and again and she was powerless to do anything but surrender as she felt her orgasm beginning to build, the familiar numbness spreading across her pelvis.

“Shit, Lobo…” her voice cracked slightly and the sound of that pet name on her lips elicited a low growl from Ari as he slammed into her even harder, fuck he loved it when she said that. “Ari, I’m…gonna…” her voice caught and her entire body went rigid for a second before she gave a low wail as the lights exploded in front her eyes and she came again, her body trembling beneath him.

“Good girl….” Ari panted, the feel of her walls clamping down around him was utter fucking bliss and his own thrusts now became desperate as he chased his own end. He dropped her leg from his shoulder, his hips continuing to snap back and forth and with a “fuck…” he felt the white, fire in his belly and his toes curled slightly as he came with a surge that rose from the very depth of his being. As the world went quiet around him, his hips faltered, slowed and then he collapsed on top of her, panting deeply, his face buried into her neck.

Hannah’s hands moved to gently run through his hair, her nails dragging along his scalp, down his neck and back again and Ari let out a soft hum of delight, relishing her touch and her smell as he nuzzled into her further, not daring to move in case this all turned out to be some ridiculously, vivid dream. He felt her gently press a kiss to his forehead and as he gained control of his senses he turned his head to catch her lips in a soft kiss.

“You ok?” he asked her softly and she gave him a smile as he pressed his forehead to hers as their breathing began to even out. He gently pulled out of her and rolled onto his back, swallowing as he looked up at the ceiling taking in a deep breath before he moved his arm and slid it round her, as she rolled onto her side, her head resting on his chest.

“Glad to see you haven’t lost your touch.” she teased and he gave a chuckle, his hand gently carding through her hair.

“Glad to see you still appreciate it.” he quipped back and she snorted, before they both fell into silence. It was comfortable, the pair of them satiated, the tension that had been simmering for months had finally boiled over and come to ahead meaning the pair of them were stripped bare, both metaphorically and physically. The slate was wiped clean, well as clean as it was going to get. And Ari was pleased to find it didn’t feel awkward. In fact, it felt good. Normal. As if it had been merely 9 hour since he’d held her in his arms like this, not 9 years.

The fait sounds of Sammy’s guitar hit their ears again, drifting in from the party still going on the beach and Ari pressed a kiss to Hannah’s head, giving a little sigh.

“I wanted to shove that guitar up your brother’s ass earlier.” he mumbled, his eyes falling shut.

“His playing isn’t that bad.”

Ari laughed “No, I mean he sat next to you at dinner, the seat I wanted.” “We don’t always get what we want Lobo.” “Yeah, well, I was going crazy.” he said, his eyes still closed. “It wasn’t like we could have done anything at the table Ari.”

“I know but I just wanted to be near you, that too hard to believe?”

“Ok who are you and what have you done with Ari Levinson?” she snorted and Ari shook his head.

“What can I say, it’s the Hannah Navon effect.”

She didn’t reply, instead he felt her shift slightly and he was just about to ask her what was wrong when he realised with horror he’d dropped her maiden name.

“Shit, sorry Firefly,that just slipped out. I mean…”

When she still didn’t reply he looked down at her. Whilst he couldn’t see all of her face he could tell she was thinking, and suddenly he was shitting himself about the fact he’d upset her.

“Han?” he asked softly “I’m sorry, I really am.”

“It’s ok. Don’t worry…” she said gently, her hand trailing through the hair on his chest, nails lightly scratching his skin. “It’s just been a while since anyone called me that.”

“Well, it’s been a while since it’s been your name.” he replied gently, his fingers softly caressing the skin at the back of her neck.

“I was actually thinking of changing it back.” she said quietly and Ari paused for a moment, looking down at her.

“How come?”

She shifted slight so that both her arms crossed under her chin and she rest them on his chest, looking up. “Horowitz was Andy’s name. He’s dead Ari” she spoke bluntly “He has been for 4 years. I just…”

“You’re still angry at him.” Ari stated and she looked away slightly.

“That’s part of it, yeah, I won’t lie.” she turned those blue eyes back onto Ari’s and sighed “I don’t know. Not like I can do it when we are out here anyway is it?” “Maybe it’s a good time to think about it some more.” he said, picking his words carefully “You don’t want to rush anything.”

“You don’t think I should?” she held his gaze and Ari shook his head.

“I don’t think anything Firefly. Whatever you decide it makes no difference to me. Name or not, you’ll always be the Hannah Navon I loved.”

At that her eyes widened and he stilled. Shit. That had slipped out and now as he lay there looking down at her he realised he’d just brought the sum total of women he had admitted that to up to a grand total of 2…even if it had been done in the wrong order.

“What did you just say?” Hannah whispered, not sure if she had heard him correctly.

Ari swallowed, his eyes never moving from hers “I said I loved you. I should have told you back then but…”

At that Hannah cut him off by leaning up and pressing her lips to his. The hand that wasn’t round her shoulders reached up and cupped her face, his thumb gently stroking over her cheek. Thankfully, she didn’t press him to explain anymore nor did she ask him to confirm how he still felt. He wasn’t sure he was quite ready to admit that out loud, even if he was becoming more and more sure he still did.

She lay her head back down and in an attempt to divert the attention from what he had just said he moved the conversation round to his trip to TA.

“Maya loved her bag.” he said, his hand returning to her back, his fingers brushing her spine.

“’I never doubted she would.” Hannah smiled “I have good taste.”

“Well it earned you a badge of honour in her mind.” Ari smiled “She said you were cool and she liked you.”

Hannah turned her head towards his “You talked about me with her?”

“You came up in conversation when I was talking to her about Simon. She wants a photo of him by the way.”

“Kids love animals.”

“Well Munchkin is no exception.” he smiled “She asked me all about him and so I told her how you’d found him. That coupled with the fact you picked her new favourite bag, well now she likes you and doesn’t even know you. Even asked me if you were pretty.”

“What did you say, Mi Lobo?” Hannah grinned, her tone teasing.

“That I guess you were.”

“You guess?” she scoffed, slapping his chest. Ari chuckled, catching her hand and bring it to his mouth, kissing her wrist “Yeah, she didn’t buy it either.”

“Bet Sarah loved that.” Hannah snorted, as he laced his fingers with hers, bringing her arm down so it rest over his stomach.

“Yeah, she heard and wasn’t exactly pleased. We had a frank and tense conversation but I think we finally got the cards on the table.” “What cards?”

“We talked about me and her not working and being destined to fail from the very beginning- her words not mine. I told her not to dismiss what we had but it was a little liberating, us both being honest.”

Hannah stayed still, pondering what Ari had just said. Sarah, being so sure that her marriage to Ari had been destined to fail from the off. She got the feeling that Ari wasn’t telling her exactly everything that Sarah had said but from the snippets of what he had told her, she could pretty much piece together that she had been the reason Sarah had said what she had. And truth be told she felt a little guilty pang in her stomach as she couldn’t help but sympathise with the woman.

“Hey, you with me Firefly?”

Ari’s words cut across her thoughts and she took a deep breath. “Yeah, Sorry, was just thinking about what she said…” “Please don’t.” Ari said softly “We let people get in our heads last time Han.”

She shifted slightly and nodded “Yeah, I know.”

And that was it, she’d clammed up on him. Ari suddenly felt his mouth go dry. She needed space. He’d piled too much on her after an emotionally charged physical reunion and now he was cursing himself. He took a deep breath and sat up gently, jostling her from his chest as he scanned the room, searching for his shorts.

“Are you leaving?” Hannah asked him, her voice quiet and he paused looking at her.

“I thought that’s what you…” and he trailed off as to his horror her eyes were misting over. “Ari, I…” she shook her head and he let out another sigh, groaning inwardly at himself. How was he still managing to fuck this up.

“You want me to stay?” he asked.

“Yeah.” her voice was a whisper and he laid down on his side, wrapping his arms around her as she snuggled into him, her face pressed to his chest.

“I want you to stay in my life Ari, not just my bed.” she said, her voice muffled, her breath tickling his skin but there was no mistaking the tone of worry. He felt himself choke up, she was still petrified he was going to bail on her. And he supposed, given everything, if he put himself in her shoes he couldn’t blame her. “Hey…look at me.” he said gently, tipping her head up to face him. He tucked her hair behind her ear and cupped her face softly in his hand. “I’ve no intention of letting you go this time my firefly, I promise you.”

She flashed him a watery smile as his lips met hers again softly before me moved and pushed down the already rumpled covers, the pair of them shifting under them as Ari got comfortable, Hannah moving once more to him, snaking her leg between his as her hand rest over his stomach, his once more carding through her soft hair. There was no noise now other than the faint sounds of voices, one of which was Max bidding someone a goodnight as his footsteps padded past Hannah’s window. And then nothing, bar the sound of the ocean, the waves softly lapping against the shore. They stayed still, basking in one another’s warmth and softness and then just as his eyes had started to close, Ari felt a thud at the bottom of the bed. He cracked open and eye and saw Simon had hopped up and was padding around in a small circle, before he flopped down.

“Are you supposed to be there?” he asked the dog, his voice a whisper. Simon looked at him, yawning, before he lay his head down, on his paws, yawning.

Ari chuckled and glanced down at Hannah. Her eyes were shut, her eyelashes laying flush to her still pink cheeks, her breathing soft. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head he lay back down, surrendering to tendrils of sleep pulling at him. The last thing he thought before he drifted off was the only time he had felt so happy was the day Maya was born.

**** Chapter 8

#leave no one behind #Ari Levinson #ari levinson x ofc #ari levinson x original female character #red sea diving resort #chris evans #chris evans characters

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rinrinp42 · 4 years

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@kitsunekage88 replied to this post with this:

Jango/Obi Where Obi saves Boba who drags him home to sell his dad all about it and Jango falls hard and fast ?

Obi-Wan did not usually feel thankful when his Padawan could not come on missions, but Anakin could be a bit…

Well, Obi-Wan did not think that the young Mando’ade[1] that had been in the middle of the warehouse the Spice dealers when he busted in would take well to Anakin’s particular type of self-righteousness.

“That was so cool! You just jumped down an’ then Pow! Zap! An’ you dodged like, like, an aiwha[2] in the sky!”

Obi-Wan smiled at the child. There was something about how he bounced back from being a hostage that was endearing.

“You gotta meet Buir[3]!”

“Of course,” Obi-Wan told the boy. No doubt his parents would need reassurance that the drug dealers would not be seeking retribution – or that said parents did not need to hunt them down either, “And where is your Buir?”

“Our ship’s in the docks!” the boy grinned up at him, one tooth lost from his grin, “We just came here ‘cause Buir needed to meet some people.”

Obi-Wan nodded as he held out a hand. The boy took it.

“Can you tell me what your ship looks like? Or who your Buir was meeting? I’m Obi-Wan by the way.”

“’m Boba! Buir said they were aliit[4] from when he was younger! He was gonna in-tro-duce,” he sounded out the word, “me after he first met them.”

And then these drug runners had taken the boy. Vengeance wasn’t the Jedi way, but Force, Obi-Wan almost wished he had been harsher on them than he had. An interrupted family reunion. Maybe he’d let slip a few names when returning Boba…

Speaking of.

“Which dock Bob’ika[5]?”

Boba looked up at him, wide eyed.

“You know Mando’a[6]?”

“A friend taught me,” Obi-Wan told him, the old ache from thinking about Satine barely hurting, “but she has a very Sundari[7] accent, so you’ll have to forgive that.”

“’sokay! The Cuy’val Dar[8] have a lotta different accents!”

Those who no longer exist? Just who did this child belong to? Obi-Wan fought back the urge to frown. His Master had endeavored to keep news of Mandalor away from him after their mission, so maybe it was a new faction?

“The dock Bob’ika?”

The boy nodded, “right, it was, uhhh, Jenth-Osk?”

Obi-Wan glanced around and, upon finding signs, started in that direction.

“…Obi?”

“Yes Bob’ika?”

“Your friend… she wasn’t Death Watch right? ‘cause Buir says they’re all hut’uun[9].”

Obi-Wan had a moment of surprise at the idea of a child using such language, before shaking it off. He didn’t know the situation. Anakin learned most of his worst language from overhearing things as a child. Just because Obi-Wan himself and Quin had begged Rael to teach them and the Knight had, does not mean that was how everyone learned.

“No, she hates Death Watch.” But Obi-Was was sure that she’d hate the Cuy’val Dar just as much given how Boba was enthralled by Obi-Wan’s battle prowess. Not that he’d tell the boy that.

“Jate! I knew you wouldn’t be friends with hut’uun! You’re too good a warrior!”

Force but this child was bringing back all the ways that Obi-Wan had loved Mandalor.

And this port was far too crowded.

“Bob’ika, would it be alright if I carried you? I would hate to find your Buir only to no longer have you.”

Boba paused and thought about it before nodding.

Obi-Wan carefully swung the boy up onto his shoulders. Boba held on as he quizzed Obi-Wan about other battles the redhead had been in.

“Bob’ika!” a voice cut through the crowd.

A Mando in blue and grey beskar’gam pushed his way towards them.

“Buir!” Boba yelled back, wiggling.

Obi-Wan reached up and pulled Boba down, getting the boy’s feet back on the ground just as the Mando got to them. The Jedi was impressed at how he was able to both hug Boba to him and subtly point a weapon at Obi-Wan.

“Buir, Obi-Wan saved me! The laandur[10] ge’huttuun[11] that took me didn’t expect him an’ then he jumped down an’ it was so cool! I bet he could take Kal easily! But not you Buir,” the boy was quick to assure his parent.

The Mando tipped his helmet towards Obi-Wan.

“Well, I might just owe you Jetii[12],” he spoke, standing up still holding onto Boba.

“I was already tracking them down, if anything, Boba yelling at them how they were laandur and cowards helped me.”

The Mando laughed at that.

“Still, I owe you if only because you took care of taking them out for me. I don’t know how they even got ahold of him…”

Boba was definitely not looking at his parent now. Obi-Wan’s lips quirked. Well. Children would be children.

“If you would like,” he spoke carefully, not wanting to offend but wanting to keep hearing that Mando’ade accent – even if it was a Concord Dawn[13] variant and not the Sundari variant that Satine carried, “I may have a few suggestions on how to keep an eye on a curious child – my Padawan is 15 and I’ve been raising him since he was 9.”

Even without the Force, Obi-Wan thought he would have known that under that helmet the Mando gave a slow grin. Small gods but Obi-Wan was starting to feel like he did when Quin dragged him out for a night out with Aayla keeping an eye on Anakin for him.

“Well then,” the Mando said, “why don’t you join me for lunch and you can share.”

He turned then, moving towards a Firespray-31.

“The name’s Jango by the way.”

Oh, this man was going to be the death of Obi-Wan, he was sure.

But he was pretty sure that the reverse was going to also be true.

And a little death was always fun.

[1] Mandalorian(s) – children of Mandalore

[2] Also called air whales, a non-sentient species of winged cetaceans native to the planet Kamino

[3] Mando for parent (Mando is a non-gendered language)

[4] Family, clan – can also mean clan name, identity

[5] Diminutive suffix – also added to a name as a very familiar or childhood form (Obi could be considered being too familiar using this but Boba’s also, like, 6 so.)

[6] The language of the Mandalorian people

[7] The capital of the planet Mandalor

[8] Lit. “Those Who No Longer Exist” – 100 individuals called by Jango that trained the Clones

[9] Coward (worst possible insult)

[10] Delicate, fragile (sometimes an insult – weak, pathetic)

[11] Bandit, villain, petty thief – can also mean a serious criminal you have no respect for - abusive

[12] Mando for Jedi

[13] An agricultural frontier world in the Mandalore sector of the Outer Rim Territories – Jango’s birth planet

#My writing #writing prompt #star wars #obi wan kenobi #boba fett #jango fett #jangobi #jango/obi #boba adopts a dad au #obi-wan and boba fett #boba has a new second favorite #obi like-likes mando'ade

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what-is-your-plan-today · 4 years

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Leave No One Behind Ch7: Hungry Like The Wolf Pt.1

Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing

Episode Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut (NSFW no under18s)

Episode Pairings: Ari Levinson x OFC Hannah Horowitz

Song for Episode: Hungry Like The Wolf- Duran Duran (this is our LNOB /Ari ThemeTune!!!!!)

A/N: Ok, so, we promised that this was going to be an explosive chapter and it is…in more ways than one. We’ve had to split it over 2 parts as it was ridiculously long but…man…we think it’s worth it.

And we know you’re all gonna be skimming to get to the inevitable explosive reunion in Part 2 but come back and read the rest- you’re gonna need to in order to understand the story as we move through!

Series Master List // Main Masterlist

Burning the ground, I break from the crowd, I'm on the hunt down, I'm after you. I smell like I sound, I'm lost and I'm found, and I'm hungry like the wolf.

"You're tanned."

Ari chuckled.

"Well, I get to spend a lot of time in the sun." he said with a smile that reached his eyes.

At least Maya was looking at him in the eyes this time. That was something.

"Have you swum in the sea like we used to do on holiday?" she asked, taking one of her dolls to start combing her hair.

"Yeah. I've also been diving."

He saw his daughter's eyes wide open with curiosity as she stopped what she was doing.

"Really? That's amazing."

"Sure is." Ari nodded, leaning forward and resting his arms on his thighs to catch her attention before explaining "There are lots of things to see down there. Sharks, fish, sunken pirate ships..."

"Really?" she asked, her eyes brimming with excitement "I wish I could go."

"I'd like that too, munchkin. But unfortunately I'm there working and that's not a place for a kid, as fun as it may sound."

She wasn't wrong, in a sense. So he decided to try and lighten her mood up a bit. It was worth the shot.

"Hey, did I tell you we have a dog now?"

"A dog?" she asked, visibly intrigued.

"Yup."

"What's he like?"

She was smiling again.

"He's not very big. He's an Abyssinian sand terrier. They have no fur." Ari explained, smiling fondly at the memory of Simon.

"He's bald?”

"Yes, yes he is." Ari nodded, chuckling.

"Well, that's ok." Maya said tilting her head and grinning "You have enough hair for two, daddy."

Ari laughed loudly which caught Sarah's attention from the kitchen.

"Hannah said the same thing."

"Who's Hannah?" Maya frowned.

"Remember Sammy?" Ari asked and Maya nodded "Well, she's his sister. They're both part of my team. Hannah is the one who found Simon... well actually he kinda found her."

"Simon?"

"Yeah, she named the dog after her favourite singer." Ari, who had been smiling since he had started talking about Hannah, explained.

"Like Simon Le Bon?" Maya asked, with a huge grin when she realised the connection.

"Yeah, exactly like him. In fact she named him Simon Le Bone."

Maya laughed and got up, picking her bag off the floor and bringing it back with her. She headed for the sofa and sat next to Ari. He had clearly piqued her curiosity.

"I want a picture of Simon."

"Yeah? Well I can send you one when I get back." Ari offered, nodding.

"Would you do that?" Maya asked, beaming at him.

"Of course I will. But only if you promise to write back." Ari said, as he reached to brush her hair off her face.

"Ok."

"I take it you like the bag, Munch?"

"It's beautiful, Dad." Maya nodded heavily.

"I’m glad…Hannah helped me pick it up."

"Did she? I like her." Maya said, snapping Ari from his thoughts.

Ari laughed at his daughter's quip "How’s that?"

"She adopted Simon and got me this, well you got it but she picked it." Maya offered with a shrug.

"Is she pretty?" Maya asked out of the blue.

Ari swallowed hard. Now that had taken him by surprise. He scratched his neck, fumbling for a suitable answer.

"Erm…I suppose so." he shrugged. It was the only thing he could come up with. Suitable enough for a seven year old though.

Who are you kidding, Levinson? I suppose so?

Maya, apparently, wasn't buying it either as she squinted her eyes.

"Ok, yes. Yes, she is pretty." Ari admitted after rolling his eyes, with a resigned smile.

"Cool." Maya quipped, smiling as well.

At that Sarah entered the living room as if she had spotted the perfect timing to step in their father-daughter moment.

“Maya, your lunch is ready. It’s in the kitchen honey, on the table." she said, looking at Maya

Maya stood up to do as she had been told but turned to look at Ari before asking "Are you coming dad?"

Ari felt like his heart would explode any minute but he looked at Sarah before answering and he could tell she wanted to talk to him so he had to hold back for the time being.

"Go ahead, I’ll be with you in a minute. Your mom and I have to talk about something." he said.

"I take it you were listening in?" he asked her.

"Of course I was. Gotta hand it to you Ari…” Sarah said and nodded towards the kitchen "… you won her back round with your stories."

Ari sighed as he brushed his hair off his head, readying himself for what was coming. The tell-tale endless list of flaws and reproaches.

"They’re not stories Sarah, just telling her about what I’m doing, well as much as I can that is." he said, taking a deep breath.

"So I get you’re having a great time from what I heard." Sarah’s brown eyes locked onto his and Ari groaned. She wasn't beating about the bush.

"Can we not do this now? It’s not a vacation Sarah."

"And yet you’d still rather be there than here." she deadpanned.

Ari could not perceive any emotion in her eyes or her voice as she uttered those familiar words. She had thrown them back at him so many times over the last years, they felt mechanical now.

"I don’t have a choice." his response was just as automatic.

"There’s always a choice, Ari." Sarah said.

She wasn't letting go. Ari pinched the bridge of his nose and looked up at her.

"How many times do we have to go through this? I’m trying to do something good…because if my team doesn’t help those people no one will. And I’m trying to be a better father too, even if I’m not around…"

Sarah gave a scoff, interrupting his train of thought.

"Don’t shut me out Sarah, let me make it up to you, make it up to Maya." he said, with pleading eyes.

"Make it up to me? Ari, if you’re looking for a reconciliation it's too late."

Now that was a change. Ari could perceive some emotion in her voice. One of surprise.

"No, that’s not what I mean. I just, well I realised recently that I wasn’t a particular good husband to you, or a good father for that matter."

"The problem wasn’t you being a bad husband or dad Ari, it was with you never being there."

"I know and I’m sorry. I was wrong to just assume that you were ok with everything and to ignore how you felt. But, I wanna do better for Maya." he admitted.

"And you just came to this conclusion one evening when you were alone, soul searching did you?" Sarah snorted.

"I’m sorry." he whispered. And he meant it.

"Woah, Sarah, I loved you.” Ari shook his head, looking at her “In some ways I always will because we have Maya..."

"But we both know deep down if it wasn’t for her things wouldn’t have moved so fast." she cut him off.

Ari sighed "I know, I know…but at least now, if I can see her and write to her, I can be honest and she can understand."

Sarah looked at him for a minute, before she turned away. He could see she was debating whether to speak her mind or not, and he tensed up sensing the impending dig.

“Pulling Hannah into the mission is a pretty dramatic way to try and win her back Ari…"

And there it was. Ari shook his head and made an exasperated noise. He knew all too well she had brought Hannah up because of him talking to Maya about her.

"That’s not why I took her. It’s not what it seems, Sarah."

"It’s not what it seems, but it is what it is, huh?" she snorted.

Ari looked down at the carpet, avoiding her eyes. There was no point in lying to her, and to himself for that matter.

"I think we were always destined to fail...even on our wedding day you couldn’t take your eyes off her. You were with me because you couldn’t be with her." Sarah said, with a loaded sigh.

Ari shook his head “That’s not…” he looks at her before continuing "...don’t cheapen yourself into being a rebound Sarah, that’s not what we were.”

Ari could see where this was going.

“Sarah…” Ari protested. “Maybe you just never got to tell her and I was in the right place at the right time…” she continued, ignoring him.

He stayed silent. Better get it over with. Let her speak her mind.

"You know I hope this mission, whenever it ends, teaches you something Ari. Preferably about how not to lie to yourself." she said, before nodding towards the kitchen.

And moreover he was beginning to think he felt it still.

After collecting his luggage he found Max waiting for him in the arrivals lounge. He greeted him with a heartfelt hug and a pat on the back. No words were needed.

"Good flight man?" Max asked, as he reached for one of Ari's bags and headed to the parking lot.

"Was ok. Had some brat behind me kicking my chair but other than that…" Ari replied, following him through the crowds of people.

That was until Ari spoke again, letting the words that were burning inside him come out searing his throat in the process.

"How’s everyone been?" he asked, clearing his throat.

Max didn't peel his eyes off the road and pondered Ari's question for a moment before smiling.

"If by everyone you mean Cracker, then fine."

"I meant everyone." Ari said, his voice as steady as he could as he looked out of the window.

"Sure you did." Max smiled again.

"Fuck you Max." Ari snapped, turning to look at him.

"You sure you wanna fuck me?" Max chuckled.

“Yeah missed you too bud.” he laughed, scratching his ears furiously.

Once Simon had calmed down a bit he turned to the car to get his bag and glanced up as he heard voices, his heart pounding violently in his chest. Sammy and Jake appeared to help him with his bags

"Come here…" Jake said with a wide grin, patting him on the back, just like in Belize although Ari was pleased he was dressed this time.

"Good to see you man." Sammy greeted him with a sincere smile.

"Hi Sammy." Ari smiled back.

"Hi Firefly." he said softly but with a blinding smile on his face.

Rachel turned to head inside as he opened his arms, leaving them alone.

"Hi Ari" she said as she stepped into his embrace.

"You ok?" he whispered into her ear.

"Good." he smiled at her.

Hannah swallowed a little and was then distracted by Simon who had jumped up and grabbed the bottom of the leg of Sammy’s shorts, looking for his attention.

"Hannah get your dog off me." Sammy groaned.