#also. love to give a boy a sword literally bigger than him !!

[ao3dorian-gay]

for my new chapter of a field of mirror, here's more kubikiribōchō-wielding, akatsuki-joining Haku :) (prev)

[vemaro]

under these circumstances

[PART 1]

Link to PART 2!

Summary : Astarion got roped in by the tieflings to come and see their former leader. And by roped in, Karlach literally dragged him up from the Underdark. Against his will. It’s not that he doesn’t want to see Tav. Of course he wants to see her. He wishes she never left his sight. Astarion just has absolutely no desire to see the woman he’s madly in love with living a lavish life with someone else.

Pairing: Astarion x Tav (female Tav) // also minor Karlach x Dammon

Word Count: ~ 1120

Notes: I was going to write out a whole spiel to give context, but I’m suddenly feeling lazy. Fair warning, this is a super elaborate, highly specific AU I came up with a week ago. It’s been a brainworm (hah) in my head ever since. It’s canon-divergent, at least when it pertains to the romance with Astarion. But also Karlach’s heart. They pull a deus ex machina and she doesn’t have to stay in Avernus because reasons. Tav needs their Mama K.

My Tav’s name is Robyn, but I switched it to Tav when posting. I don’t go too much into detail about appearance so feel free to imagine your own character in her place. Though, I mention she a druid a few times, and she has heterochromia. Apologies if this is makes absolutely no sense. I haven’t written anything in a long time. And this is my first time posting here. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. I’m dying to talk to someone about this.

Also, I do have a second part I plan to post in the next couple of days.

Enjoy (:

…

Tav starts backing out of the room. “Wait right here. I’ll fetch Callum. He’ll be thrilled to see you.”

As soon as her back is turned, she sighs. Thank the gods that Terrick has gone on another of his business trips. While her husband and old travel companions are civil (mostly), there is a stifling tension in the air whenever a friend pops in and Terrick is home. On one hand, Tav’s the same person she’s always been; the optimistic, fun loving druid who became the defacto leader of their merry band of misfits. Now though, she’s part of the highly respected Solariz clan, a noble family who holds a large influence within Baldur’s Gate. And a Solariz must act as such. She must mind her manners, dress in a way that befits her status, and worst of all, not go gallivanting up and down the Sword Coast looking for adventure. At least whenever Terrick isn’t around, she can let loose a little. Thankfully, her husband isn’t around too often.

Instead of walking straight through her son’s open bedroom door, Tav stops just outside and leans on the wall. She’s fighting back laughter because her day’s been made, but her son's month is about to get better. Tav loudly clears her throat and holds her hand up to project. “Oh, Callum,” she says in a sing-song voice. “Guess who’s here to see you.”

There’s a gasp from inside the room, followed by a thump, then followed by the sound of socked feet racing towards the door. The little boy spots his mother hiding behind the wall immediately and starts hopping up and down. “Who, Mama? Who’s here?”

She uses her mismatched eyes to point down the hallway. “Go look in the kitchen. They’re waiting for you.”

“Okay!” And he’s off.

Tav lets out a soft laugh. She loves that boy more than she’s loved anyone before, blood relations be damned. Finding him was the single greatest adventure of her life and she’s never, not once regretted taking him in, especially with moments like this, when he’s so happy. When they’re both so happy. Tav had no idea a part of her found family was missing until coming across Callum.

Speaking of found family …

“Karlach!”

When Tav reenters the kitchen, her red tiefling companion is kneeling down with her arms thrown out, sporting the biggest grin from pointy ear to pointy ear. “There’s my favorite little soldier!” Callum races towards her, throwing open his own arms as he jumps. Karlach pretends to almost fall over when she catches him. “Oh my gods, kiddo. Have you gotten bigger since I last saw you?”

Callum buries his face in her neck, soaking up as much of the barbarian's warmth as he can. “I missed you!” he exclaims into her shirt collar.

Karlach swings side to side, squeezing him tighter (but not too tight). “I missed you too, Callum. Been taking care of your mum, yeah?”

He pulls away and nods vehemently, making his blue curls bounce with the movement. “Yeah! I protect Mama from the scary monsters!”

Karlach ruffles his hair. “Good job, Callum.”

The second visitor slides in behind his partner. “On the subject of protection, I’ve got a little something for you.”

“Hi, Dammon! I missed you!”

Dammon, too, ruffles Callum’s blue locks. “Missed you too, kid.” The blacksmith reaches into his satchel and pulls out something wrapped in a cloth. Callum automatically leans forward out of curiosity, letting go of Karlach altogether. “Maybe you could use this to fend off those scary monsters.”

“What is it?” he asks.

Dammon removes the the cloth and crouches down to the Callum’s level. “Why, a sword, of course.” Karlach and Tav give a chorus of oohs and ahs. “The perfect weapon for a warrior of your esteemed caliber.”

Callum flaps his hands, jumping up and down, excitement radiating off him in waves. “A real sword?” he shouts. “For me?”

“If your mum will allow it.”

Callum whirls around, clasping his hands close to his cheek and brown eyes wide, a lethal combination meant to weaken the heart of their target. “Mama! Can I? Can I have the sword? Please?”

It doesn’t take a trained eye to know the weapon is fake. It’s made of wood and the blade is painted silver. The hilt’s adorned with dyed twine and a few faux gems for embellishment. To a small child, this is as real as it gets. Tav walks over and cards her fingers through his already messy hair, a scrutinizing pout adorning her face. “I don’t know,” she sighs. “Swords are very dangerous.”

Four year olds are not above begging. “Please, Mama! Puh-lease! ”

It’s fake, of course she’s planning to let him keep the gift. Tav still acts as if she’s thinking it over. “I suppose,” she says, dragging out the words. “As long as you say thank you to Dammon for making it.”

Callum whoops. “Yay!” Then he faces the tieflings again. “Thank you, Dammon!”

Dammon looks up to Tav and winks. She winks back. The hyperactive child quickly recaptures their attention by bouncing yet again. “Alright then.” Dammon then gets down on one knee and bows his head while holding out the wooden sword. “It was my deepest honor and pleasure, Sir Callum.”

Oh, Callum is eating this up. The newly minted knight looks back at his mother one more time, making sure he still has permission. A quick, encouraging nod from Tav lets him know he’s good to go. Callum gingerly reaches for the sword and takes it into his hands. “Wow …” he whispers.

“What do you think of the sword, soldier?” Karlach asks.

Words cannot properly express what Callum is thinking. He’s barely four years old after all. So Callum takes the sword by the hilt and holds it high above his head, shouting, “I have a sword!”

“Yes, you do,” Dammon agrees.

Karlach jumps back into her feet. “Hey! Let’s say you and I have a spar in the courtyard later, yeah?”

“Yeah!” With that, Callum starts showing off his swordsman skills, slashing and jabbing in a way only a child could. He even provides the sound effects. Tab, Karlach, and Dammon laugh along at his antics.

A scoff from the third and final visitor has everyone looking in his direction. “Wyll had better watch out,” croons a familiar voice. Tav digs her finger nails into her palms. “Our little bird here may be coming for his title as the Blade of Frontiers.”

If they thought the boy was excited at the previous company, they are immediately proven wrong. Callum’s smile shines so big and so bright, the sun may turn green with envy. It’s almost too bright for the pale elf. “Asty!” he cries.

“Hello, dear.”

Thanks for reading!!!

[rose-tea-and-strawberries]

The way you write Deuce is just, *chef's kiss* i love it. it absolutely lives in my head rent-free.

So much so that i saw this tiktok of a pigeon sprinting with a leaf to gently put it on top of his mate sitting in her nest, and my first thought was, 'that's them. That's Deuce/MC. 💕💕'

Here's the video but i understand if you're hesistant to click on random links. I do hope you have a nice day btw ^ ^)

(https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8DbBeDw/)

AAAHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!

No but seriously Deuce 'his gaze softened' Spade is so loving and deserves so much love like I literally can't even explain.

First of all, that video is everything and it’s so Deuce coded I can’t even. Another animal couple I see would be this:

But, don't get me wrong, I would just like to go on the record and say that I've been watching a lot of dog videos and Deuce is 100% a dog: he's sweet, loyal, supportive, loving, protective - the complete package (though his eyes are much cuter). Just saying that he (and Jack) would be at the top of Crewel's list for approved boyfriends.

I mean as deranged as I am for him, I swear I can quit any time (I say as I stuff my shaking hands into my pockets and send multiple pictures of him flying out of my pocket)

He’s a perfect gentleman despite not being raised as one - and no I don’t mean in the literal sense, actual queen Mama Spade definitely raised her son to be chivalrous and kind and respectful to everyone. I mean he wasn’t raised to be a quintessential refined nobleman like Riddle or Malleus or Vil. He’s the only son of a single mother and as far as we know only his maternal grandmother is around (we don’t know if his father left or is dead but I subscribe to the headcanon that he was a jerk that left when Deuce’s mum was pregnant) so he’s never had an older male relative to look up to. Yet he still has all the traits that you’d see in Austen male leads - he's serious and straightforward, sort of soft spoken, he'll restrain his emotions, he's gentle (at most times), he canonically loves sappy romances, he’s got a strong moral compass and he has this sort of soft touch-starved vibe that I can't really explain.

But he's this sweet, considerate wholesome guy who gives it his all in everything despite his background and personality of an adrenaline-fuelled teenage boy. And he's very realistically (and very endearingly) a teenage boy: he's a troublemaker, he's rough around the edges, he makes mistakes even when his heart is in the right place, there are times where he can be slow on the uptake, he's aggressive, he thinks more with his fists and instincts and feelings than with his head, he's emotional and will lash out if he sees injustice, he's not afraid to use dirty tactics, he was literally in a gang, he's impulsive and reckless and literally itching for a fight. But he’s still as much of a man of honour as Mr Darcy or Captain Wentworth. And e's so loving and he's so sincere and he tries so hard I just-

(I want to kiss him on the mouth)

I just think it's really sweet that the same guy who could violently beat up like five guys bigger than him without a thought would instantly turn into a blushing puddle if you so much as held his hand and follow you around with a wide eyed awestruck look like a lost puppy or baby duckling.

I love to say that the reader is his salvation, his angel, his light and it comes from his inner shame at his past. Yes, he's bettering himself to atone for all the hurt his mother went through but he also really wants to prove to be someone worthy of being at your side. You're his apricity and he loves you more than anything.

He’s very sword and shield coded (though, I’d say he’s less of a shield and more of a sword - Jack seems to fit the shield motif more to me). He's very honour bound and duty driven and he gives me the vibes of those loyal knights you get in period stories.

And I guess that's what appeals to me. Bad boys are literally my least favourite trope in modern fiction and I get irked at practically every broody, angsty 'I hate the world' male love interest I come across (usually because the good boy second ml is so much better but my sister says that red flags are much more interesting than boring green flags so...). But Deuce, my man, my deuce box. He's a (former) bad boy that ticks all of the green flag boxes. He's not a bad boy with a hidden soft side, he's a soft boy with a (not-so-hidden) bad side.

He's not rude and snarky, he's kind and respectful. He doesn't have a problem with authority or hate his parents, one of his main character traits is his healthy love for his mother and he has a high opinion of his upperclassmen and the adults around him and he takes his studies seriously even when he's not good at them. He doesn't hide behind an arrogant facade, he's genuine and sincere to everyone he meets. Yes, he has an innate attraction for violence but instead of acting on it, he spends his time sating his love for adrenaline by speeding along on his magical wheel and joining the most athletic club in the school. He wouldn't tease you for your interests, you could spend hours babbling about your rock collection and he'd be completely rapt.

He's like the perfect dichotomy of the bad boy trope and the wholesome cinnamon roll good boy trope. Like one second he and you are engaged in the 'no you're cuter' or 'no you hang up' cycle on the phone and the next second your arms are wrapped around his torso and your wearing his leather jacket as he does the akira slide on his magical wheel.

Anyway I could go on for ages but instead have Deuce Vibes tumblr text post:

(Censored by moi)

P.S. I’ve been watching a lot of Ace edits and like 😳🥰 that boy ❤️ People make so many jokes about Malleus not getting invited to the meeting where the Disney executives explain twst is not an otome game but like Ace got the invitation and glanced at it for 0.345 seconds before ripping it into shreds, tossing the pieces into a blender, throwing the blender into a fire and then nuking the fireplace.

[littlewitchlilith]

New HOTD trailer, Here are my thoughts

1st. Daemon entering the throne room gives me Daenerys season 2 vision in the throne room for some weird reason.

2nd. CREGAN STARK CRUMBS, also Jace had a serious glow up. Also I really Hope we see Cregan use the ancient valyrian steel sword of stark Ice.

3rd. I find it interesting how nearly all Alicent's scenes in the trailers has her in serene areas or places of nature, maybe its just me but I seems like she's trying to hold on to the little girl she once was, she's trying to hold on to her former friendship with Rhaenyra. She's shown wearing a blue dress which gives me young Alicent.

4rth. I can't wait to see more Rhaenys and Nyra moments.

5th. I like the slight changes they are making with Aegon and Rhaenyra. They both seem more involved with the war and are clearly taking part in it. I like how they are making Aegon have more personality. Personally I always thought show Aegon was more observant

6th, I want to see Daemon and Rhaenys relationship. I want to see the relationship of all the Targaryens. Aemond and Aegon, Jace and Daemon, the twins. I literally can't wait to see how the war will affect their relationships.

7th DRAGONSSSSS. Also I was so confused when I saw Vermithor. I thought he was the cannibal because he didn't look like that in s1 in my opinion. Also Sunfyre and Moondancer my babies can't wait to see more dragons. Literally the real reason I started watching the show fr.

8th Otto saying that the great houses will support Aegon is so funny to me because most of them called in support of Rhaenyra.

9th. Daemon just being all "this is fun and games" about war in the trailer is interesting because we know Daemon lives in chaos and violence and I like how adaptable he is. Like he can live in war or in peace and still find enjoyment in life or have moments to have little laughs. I really hope we do get some happy or peaceful scenes in s2 despite the war going on. The good moments in these dark times kind of thing.

10th Can't wait to see the Velaryon fleet in action. I want to see Corlys taking command. After all he's known as the greatest seafarer. I want to see it in action not just hear it from other characters, also I can't wait for Corlys arc in the show, his relationship with Rhaenys, his grandchildren, Adam and Alyn how the show is going to play that out.

11th Is it just me or did they make the dragons bigger this season because Caraxes looks huge. In the "leader strong enough scene" I was like who's that until Caraxes moved and I was like NOODLE BOI but he just looked so much bigger than in Season 1, Sunfyre and Meleys and Vermithor also appear so much bigger than before, like we only see Sunfyre for a second but he seemed small, also Syrax and Seasmoke as well look like got growth spurts or something in the last trailers.

11th. It's sad that Rhaenyra has to ask Daemon if he sees her as the rightful ruler and I give me whiplash to when she asked Criston Cole if he believed the real would ever accept her as queen. I believe he said they will have to and it makes me curious to see what Daemon's response to her question is, because we know that Daemon did want the throne but he does still love his family and show Daemon is a lot less worse than book Daemon especially in regards to Rhaenyra but like his face when she asks him that question it seems to me like he's conflicted or even hesitant to answer her and I genuinely wonder why.

12th. Aemond. I'm curious what they are going to do with Aemond this season, He seems to be enjoying the war as a whole which makes sense given the fact that season gives subtle hints that he wants a more worthy opponent to fight than Criston Cole and he sees that with Daemon, like he seems a bit like his book version but I feel it's a facade he's putting on because he knows he's very much responsible for war for the pain and suffering his family is currently going through, he knocked over the dominos that Alicent and Otto set up. I think this facade will be his way of coping with that guilt, he's branded a kinslayer now and he's accepting it in his own way. I think his relationship with Alicent will come to light more, the two were close in the last season but the trailer hints that they've clearly become estranged, I feel like Alicent despite how angry she is at Aemond want to continue to cling to him and it's one of the reasons she wants the war to end not just her former friendship with Rhaenyra but because she doesn't want her children to die in what she deems a senseless war. Aemond however want to continue to fight he wants the chaos so him calling Alicent by her name instead of mother is interesting almost like he's trying to distance himself from her and evolve as his own person because it does seem like Alicent see's him as a mini version of herself, their does seem to be something parentification on her part towards him and I think he's slowly catching on to that. Idk like theirs so many opinions and ideas going on in my head regarding Aemond.

13th showings Aegon and Rhaenyra in grief at the same time is interesting to me because regarding of wether or not you support one or the other, they have so much in common. Take out every awful thing Aegon has done and everything he will do, they really aren't that different. Both grew up ignored and neglected by Viserys, young Rhaenyra points out that all Viserys wanted as she was growing up was a son, a male heir. When he gets Aegon his son, his male heir he blatantly ignores and neglects him and his siblings in favor of Rhaenyra. Both their mothers go through tremendous amounts of pain and suffering that they both have to be a witness or even aware of and it's seen as all for nothing, both lose everything during the war that everyone says is rightfully theirs, like we know for Aegon it wasn't true but tradition isn't something that is easy to break even now in our times we have our traditions and if someone comes in and tries to change them be react defensively. I don't support Aegon and I don't see him as the rightful king but he is an heir wether we like it or not, he's more the heir than Daemon or even Rhaenys is, personality has nothing to do with it if that was the case than Maegor wouldn't have been considered an heir either. Both Rhaenyra and Aegon are basically one in the same.

14th mysaria herself is someone who intrigues me I'm curious of what her role will be this season because we know she helped put Aegon on the throne last season by handing Aegon over but she does have a former relationship with Daemon.

15th "War is coming and neither of us may win" is such foreshadowing because regarding of wether you are team black or team green no one really wins because yes Rhaenyra's line does continue the Targaryen line but she goes down in history as a usurper despite her being the named heir by the king and while Aegon lives longer than Rhaenyra, he's still killed shortly after by his own men and is succeeded by Rhaenyra's son. Still both lose everything by the time of their deaths and are half the shells of the people they once were.

[starrycassi]

Ambrosius and alcohol headcanons (inspired by the very drunk guy outside my house right now)

I do think Ambrosius has some sort of weird relationship with alcohol, even if it isn't exactly an addiction. Yet.

His mom wasn't exactly an alcoholic but she tended to turn to it whenever things got too rough, and he knew that when the whole living room stinked of wine something was wrong and he probably would have to help get it fixed later.

Then he turned into a teen and he wanted to fit in and all that. Ballister probably had a way bigger alcohol tolerance than he did, why with his street kid immunity to everything, and ended up dragging him around whenever Ambrosius took a few too many. It was fun, to be mildly conscious of everything while being carried in his best friend's back like a damsel in distress.

Then his mom died, and it was the only coping mechanism he really was allowed to have. It's logical for a manly man like him to get drunk and aggressive when his mom dies — but he couldn't be seen crying around like a lost child or doing anything too ridiculous, but drinking made him remember his mom even more (be it because he picked up the habit there or because being drunk makes you remember)

No one really did anything about it because his knigths performance didn't really lower so fuck it let the kid drink himself to death, too. Ballister took care of him but he grew Jo on the streets so seeing people deal with shit by getting hammered was relatively normal for him and he never thought it a big deal.

I THINK and you can't deny this to me because I'll literally cry THAT IN THE SCENE WHERE THEY SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN AMBROSIUS WAS WEARING MAKEUP.

Literally fight me on this that man didn't sleep for a week I know it in my bones.

He also turned to drinking again, except this time the Director actually needed him to track down Ballister so she interfered.

He get better with his drinks after the wall falls and allat, and he gets drunk for fun and not because it's the only way he can deal with the pain.

Nomina and him get drunk together one time and Ballister finds them discussing the logistic of arm chopping as a love language and if it falls under the physical touch (sword cutting) or gift giving (prosthetic arm)

He's too surprised to be offended.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Caro's July 2023 Book Rec Wrap Up

I can't believe this month is over. It's been rough out here, and I'm not feeling great still, but reading always offers a bit of respite.

I feel like my tastes were fairly varied this month. I loved dipping more into fantasy romance, and I really hope to see more of it published soon!

Tastes like Shakkar by Nisha Sharma. ARC; full review here

Marry Me by Midnight by Felicia Grossman. ARC; full review here.

The Winter King by C.L. Wilson.

Ugh, just an amazing book. Exactly what I want from a high fantasy romance: a fun world full of magic and court politics; a couple forced together by circumstance and distrusting one another while also being super attracted to each other; a powerful hero and a kickass heroine. High stakes! Passion! Twists and turns! There are ice powers in this, lightning powers, bangathons on a bearskin rug, the intense need for an Heir (otherwise known as: breeding vibes), the possibility that the hero might just throw the heroine out onto a glacier. People feel feelings and refuse to cop to them because trauma. I had so much fun. A must read. (As is The Sea King, but generally speaking I would say reading them in order is a good idea.)

We Could Be So Good by Cat Sebastian.

Cat Sebastian just does what she wants, and I appreciate that so much. How many historical romances are a) set in the 1950s and b) centered on a pair of opposite-personality male reporters living together (as friends!) after one of them gets dumped by his fiancee? There is so much fucking tension built between Nick and Andy. And so much fondness too, with practical Nick basically making sure that Andy doesn't trip and fall down a proverbial flight of stairs at any given moment. It's funny, it's a little angsty without being overwhelming, and it's so, so tender.

An Earl to Remember by Stacy Reid. ARC; full review here.

Servant to the Spidae by Ruby Dixon.

This is the fourth in Dixon's Aspects and Anchors series, and in many ways it's basically a novella, though she doesn't categorize it as such. It's closer to the length of her Ice Planet Barbarians books than the previous novels in this series, and it's basically a feel your feelings plotless love story about a former sex worker falling in love with the three creepy spider gods (very human-looking, but they.... shoot web...........) she's pledged herself to in service. It's a lot of sex, a lot of emotion, and while swords do not cross, there is a scene in which every hole is filled. It's what you want out of this kind of story (though I will say, I don't loooove how this series deals with Yulenna's status as a sex worker, and never have; it's not egregious, but it's clumsy).

The Making of a Highlander by Elisa Braden.

I love love love several of Braden's Rescued from Ruin (straight up English Regency, connected to this series) series, but I do think it went on for a bit too long and the heroines especially became repetitive. That's why I didn't rush to begin her Midnight in Scotland series. I am glad that I took the break, because I went into this fresh, and I found it so strong. It's funny, it's got just the right amount of angst, it's a bit bonkers, the hero is absolutely deranged for his heroine.. Like John Huxley is starving. It's what you want out of a lighter (but not too light) historical romance. Special shoutouts to a fabulous Pretty Woman homage, and one of the best "Oh I WANT her" realizations I've read in a long time.

The Taming of a Highlander by Elisa Braden.

Ugh, so good! I love a scarred hero, especially if he's a former golden boy, and this novel deals with Broderick's trauma and scars so well. It does take a little longer to get into the love story than the previous book, but once it kicks into gear, it really goes for the full nine yards. You have batshit shenanigans, a heroine who literally watches this man's erection get bigger and bigger through his pants while she talks about how many babies she's willing to give him, and mortal peril. This series gives such good Scotland content. Also? It's hilarious. The heroine literally bops into this guy's bedroom with breakfast singing a made-up song about his dick coming out to play. She's thrilled.

The Basilisk of Star Manor by Kathryn Moon.

I really liked this little novella, my first basilisk book. And I loved the heroine--a blind, virginal woman who's decided to become a sex worker for monsters. There is a lot of descriptive dirty talk, sensation play, orgasms on horseback... But it's all surprisingly sweet. I had a good time. Also, effective use of a monster tail!

The Temptation of a Highlander by Elisa Braden.

I am nothing if not a sucker for "Scottish Man Big" historicals, and this is nothing if not that. It may or may not be the first historical I've read wherein the heroine has a psycho stalker, and that does give way to an excellent bodyguard romance. Clarissa's inability to say anything without letting slip a double entendre is classic Elisa Braden hilarity, and while there are some quibbles I have with the story... It's just so old school, in a way. I mean, they have shared sex dreams. What's not to like about that?

The Wrong Guy by Kate Canterbary.

I feel like I'm the only person in the world who didn't love In a Jam, but this book was a total turn around for me. Snappy, snarky, super sexy contemporary enemies to lovers with a 39 year old heroine and a 42 year old hero. I mean... come on. The hate sex is legit, the feelings are even more so once they develop (and they don't develop instantly) and it feels like these are real people with flaws and dreams and pain and love. Also, she gets her period during one sex scene and he's like "what do you think I am??? A child???" and just. Goes to town.

One Season with the Duke by Addy Du Lac.

A fun, emotional, and super romantic interracial historical romance, and the rare friends to lovers book that works for me. I think this book's quality is a testament to why it is important to build a world within your historical romance. While I'm not a stickler for accuracy by any means, having the sense of the Scottish with this book really added to its overall sense of space and stakes. And ultimately, it was just heartwarming to see two people sort of brought together by necessity working to make a life with one another.

Since the Surrender by Julie Anne Long.

A rare book in which the couple knows each other because they cheated together while her husband was alive! Cheating is probably a strong-ish word--I mean, they did make out, but otherwise it was largely an emotional thing, and temptation. But it makes the beef real (because our hero actually super liked and respected said dead husband) when these two come back together, and the tension is thick. There's a bit of a mystery and a bit of an adventure, and ultimately two people desperately trying to convince themselves that they don't want to jump into bed together at a moment's notice. NICE.

A Lesson in Thorns by Sierra Simone.

I mean... Good God. Sierra is really making her own specific space in romance, and I respect it so fucking much. She knows what she's about, she's uncompromising in her vision, and she just goes balls to the wall. This is like... an occult... romance? Fantasy? Paranormal? Definitely super erotic, and not a little dark. Oh, and there's an orgy. And over half of our six-person group is made up of virgins (though uh, we're down to one virgin left standing by the end). It's intensely emotional and the ties that bind and the messages left unsaid are thick. I am fucking hooked, and a bit blown away.

[writerofdeadstories]

My headcanons of the five monarchs

Edmund • A certified nerd (mainly because of his thirst for knowledge as he is the silver tongued Just King) • Very knowledgeable about a certain amount of subjects • Loves studying weapons and admires them. • Often likes going on voyages. • Walks in the woods. • Observes and can usually tell who's lying, one of the many reasons he is a valuable asset to court. • Likes Psychology and Philosophy and often discusses/debates on it with his closest peers • Never doubt his words, they are his sharpest weapons. • Very patient and mysterious. You never know if you know the man at all. • He knows who he is. Anyone who says otherwise clearly doesn't knows him very well. • Gives off a friendly aura but also makes you feel like you are looking at a God. • If you can match his wits, philosophy and his mindset then you have his curiosity as well his interest. • He studies things he cannot but wishes to understand. • He is a mind-reader and it bothers him greatly when he cannot read someone • He'll think on it for hours before finally giving up. • Loves the peace and quiet to meditate and calm his mind. • This helped a lot with his nightmares after his whole ordeal with the white witch to come terms with his subconscious self- the boy who was tricked. Lucy • Clever little minx. Her innocent looks are deceiving at times. • Sometimes tells the Narnians absurd stories about her world. Loves seeing the bizarre reactions on their faces and she bursts out laughing. Susan just rolls her eyes and corrects her story. • Can last in a Voyage longer than most men she travels with and she is on voyages often • A great warrior but she also respects the peace. • The shortest of her siblings but she is fierce and energetic • Sometimes when it's of high import, she'll act as Ambassador for Narnia. • Her courage has left even the strongest, speechless • Can fight in dresses • You do not want to anger her or you'll have the edge of a dagger pressed at your throat. • Authentic, believes in God and nature. • She is as good at playing an instrument as handling a dagger. • Her favourite flowers are Chrysanthemums. • Often spends her off days from court, watching birds pass, animals talk and laying in a meadow • She is probably the one of her siblings who travels a lot since she LIKES acting as Ambassador • Plus she cannot be kept in one place, she is youthful and she craves adventure and loves to explore • Her aura is very peaceful and quiet yet she is v energetic • Often carries flowers on the hilt of her sword (which she thinks the same as dagger, just bigger. Edmund cannot stress the amount of times he had to tell her the difference)/dagger whenever she is fighting in wars to remember her homeland/what she is fighting for. • She loves studying nature and it's beings and how they evolve. • Since she has Aslan's favour, he often warns her through her vision when something terrible is about to happen. Susan • Her skin's basically iron. Doesn't. Ever. Gets. Sunburnt. Instead, on Summer days, the sun brings colour to her skin and it suits her well. • 11/10 social skills. Can literally make friends with anyone unless it's someone she wants to avoid. • She has a lot of acquaintances and usually from noble houses (mostly because she doesn't gets to interact with common people, aside from Narnians, much but she does have her fair share of common friends), which is part of the reason why Narnia has a lot of allies but few are closest to her. • She is politically powerful compared to her three siblings. • When Edmund is unavailable, she usually does his bidding in the privy council as well as her own. • She is a huge fan of Astrology. All those stars and the galaxies, they fascinate her and she learns what can of them. • She is also into folktales, legends, myth etc. Most she deems as rubbish but some catch her interest. • The only two person who has ever held her bow and arrows were Lucy (who was briefly interested in Archery but then lost interest) and Caspian (who was teaching her his own methods that he came up with). Peter and Edmund will earn a long

lecture from her if they even hold her bow the wrong way. • And since she is very good at Physics and Geometry, it helps her with her aim. • Terrible dancer and was only decent at it after WEEKS of practicing • Since cosmetics aren't much available in Narnia. She often collects flowers/berries and crushes them till they are turned into paste in place of her lipsticks. • Making her own cosmetics started as doing any other job but she grew fond of it and she excelled at it. • The Narnian economy has profited a lot after she shared how she made them and lipsticks, scents etc were in high demand in foreign lands. • Her aura is gentle yet strong Peter • Sword-fighting. Hunting. Whatever sports there is- he will master it. • He is the sort of person that welcomes a challenge with open arms. • Finds comfort in harsh rain-y days. No, he doesn't gets Pneumonia. • Talkative and will go on about medicine if you do not stop him. • A huge science nerd and often spends a lot of time in the library, studying on his off days • Very sport-y. Does physical activities or exercises when he needs to get something off his mind. • Also knows a lot about historical topics from his world. He finds them quite fascinating and interesting to learn about. • Somehow manages to remember the dates. His knowledge of medicine and history outrivals even that of excellent healers and scholars alike • Hates. No- LOATHES politics and honestly, they aren't even his forte which is ironic since he is Highking and he, basically, deals in political matters more than half of the time. • Excellent cook and baker. When his mother would leave him home alone with his siblings, he'd bake for Lucy and then usually Susan and Edmund chimed in too. Though, Edmund eats more than half of the sweets. • Griffins are perhaps his favourite animals and he loves it whenever he rides on one. • He hates court gossips and finds them quite pointless • Surprisingly good at sewing and needle work when Susan taught it to him as a joke. Usually stitches up his own clothes. • He inspires loyalty in others. Despite not being very good at politics, he manages to rule his country well. • He gives off a safe aura. • Often tucks rhindon next to him at night • He is the type of person you would feel intimidated by, at first but then you find out the complete opposite • Also a fashionista aside from Susan Caspian • Obsessed with technology and always wants to learn more about them, e.g. compasses, Ed's torch etc. • Has excellent craftsmanship, can make treasure out of trash. • He hasn't been with many women aside from Susan. • His flirting skills only upgraded when he met The Gentle Queen otherwise he'd ramble on about his fascination in ships to his dates. • He is a very paranoid person and has to be handled with care. • If anyone so puts a single strand of his hair out of place, so help them God- (except for Susan, he loves it when SHE plays and messes up his hair). • He understands a lot of different languages, including ancient Narnian. • Has an absurdly large collection of boots in his closet. • Has zero interest in his clothes and it's usually Susan who picks out his clothes (not that he minds) • Surprisingly, amazing at poetry and even made Susan blush • He'll never admit it but he quite enjoys his quarrels with The Magnificent King and is very fond of them. Sometimes he even lets Peter win, on purpose. • Despite being 'The Navigator', he actually didn't know who he was before the pevensies had came along and they helped him find himself. • He and Lucy are huge fans of Voyages and are curious about the world beyond the Sea. • His entrances to balls, festivals etc are very dramatic. • V creative and his ways of thinking never ceases to amaze • Good at offering comfort and cheering people up. • Has good detective skills • Can overanalyze sometimes • Gives off a good aura

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 24 part two

(Masterpost) (Pinboard)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Arguing

After enjoying a tense  afternoon with Lan Xichen, Wei Wuxian comes home to enjoy a tense evening with Jiang Cheng. He pauses in the doorway as he takes in Jiang Cheng’s mood and decides which metaphorical mask he will put on to interact with his shidi. As someone who grew up with explosive people, I find this routine very familiar. 

Wei Wuxian is always carefully playing a role as he interacts with the people in his life. Clearly he has read the classic sociology text The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life and is using it as a how-to guide. We see him do this same calculation over and over, in which he reacts internally to a situation, comes to a decision about what persona to inhabit, and then dons that persona. It’s a typical abuse survival tactic and...it is exhausting. 

This is why I think his leaving to be alone for a while in Episode 50 is a good thing. Being alone isn’t better than being with someone else, usually, but for Wei Wuxian, who is (by Episode 50) assured of love but not sure where he belongs in his own life, being by himself for a while is going to be the best thing for him. He can learn how to just be a person, instead of constantly trying to mold himself to fit everyone around him. 

For the current tense situation, Jiang Cheng is polishing his sword, which, incidentally, is slang (in English, not necessarily in Chinese) for masturbating. Which makes their conversation about how frequently it needs doing kind of a hoot. “One time a month should do,” per Wei Wuxian. 

Jiang Cheng yells at Wei Wuxian--fairly, really--for being drunk all the time and not working on clan tasks. Then he responds to a hug attempt by shoving Wei Wuxian and knocking him down. JC asks WW if he’s too drunk to manage his spiritual power. Now, we know that he doesn’t have any spiritual power to manage, and that’s the main point of this interaction. But it also shows us something else about their dynamic. 

This was just a quick hit, and when it takes WWX out, JC asks why he isn’t responding with spiritual power.  Which means that apparently *every* time Jiang Cheng gives Wei Wuxian a shove or a shoulder check, or strikes him--like he’s been doing constantly since Episode 3--he’s putting spiritual power behind it. That’s...really harsh. 

Jiang Cheng wants Wei Wuxian to fight back, and Wei Wuxian can’t; this is a big part of why their relationship breaks down. Casual blows loaded with spiritual power are part of their vocabulary, and Wei Wuxian can’t speak that language any more, even for basic defense. He’s literally not safe having simple interactions with Jiang Cheng now, because he’s secretly disabled, and Jiang Cheng is casually injuring him whenever he gets too close. 

(more after the cut!)

This time Wei Wuxian has had enough, and raises Chenqing to Jiang Cheng, who immediately backs off. Jiang Cheng has seen that thing in action, not just on the battlefield, but in a small room full of whatever remained of Wen Chao when they were done with him. He takes this as a serious threat, and backs off, disturbed and puzzled and hurt.

Jiang Cheng thinks the change in Wei Wuxian is coming from apathy, not from disability, and so he misunderstands it over and over.  Think of a friend saying “whatever, I’m sick of arguing with you, do what you want.”  Jiang Cheng is very ready to feel rejected, and not at all ready to look at Wei Wuxian’s behavior and try to actually understand it. 

Crying Over You

Wei Wuxian bails and goes to see Jiang Yanli in the ancestral hall, where she is polishing a name plaque. I turned the gamma way up to see whose it is and...I dunno. This character might be 江 (Jiang), I guess?

Jiang Yanli is the only one of the trio who knows how to mourn properly, in that she is taking some time to sit and be sad. Mourning the dead--both ritually and just in the emotional sense--is as important a part of reclaiming Lotus Pier as the training of disciples and having good times on the lake.

She asks him about his fight with Jiang Cheng and he says he’s used to fighting with him. Jiang Yanli asks him if he’s tired of living there, and Wei Wuxian deflects and deflects, saying “it’s my home, where else would I go?” and that if Jiang Fengmian hadn’t adopted him he would still be begging in the streets. He says “no matter what happens, I won’t leave Lotus Pier,” which is not an answer to her question.

It’s also not true. Like so many of his promises, it’s an expression of his wishes, with no space for the surprises real life is made of. He promises her that he won’t be reckless again, and asks her not to be mad at him. She says she can’t be mad at him, and then they share a flashback about Jiang Fengmian finding him on the street. This is a story, not a memory; Wei Wuxian can’t remember but he remembers her telling him about it. Jiang Yanli wasn’t there, in the moment. So this is her telling the story as it was told to her, probably by Jiang Fengmian. 

Flashback Time

In the flashback, picky salad-hating Wei Ying is out on the street, looking for food in a cartload of pretty okay scraps. I mean, yeah, skip the tomatoes, but most of the greens look fine.  

He’s found and fed by Jiang Fengmian, who recognizes him and decides to take him in. 

Within a couple of episodes, we will see Wei Wuxian paying this favor forward, saving someone he finds starving on the street. Just like Jiang Fengmian, he's going to upset and disrupt his family in order to help someone for whom he feels a deep connection.

During this flashback we get a look at Jiang Fengmian’s sword, and it is a beauty. 

What is Love

As the flashback ends, Wei Wuxian is smiling, hearing Jiang Yanli tell this touching story of starvation and orphanhood. She tells him he was born with a smiling face, and that he never minds much about sorrowful things; no matter how bad the situation is, he is always happy. Way to reinforce that metaphorical mask he’s wearing over his deep, deep despair, sis!

They talk a bit about Jiang Cheng’s bad temper.  Then Jiang Yanli says now that her parents are gone, they three are the closest in the world, and he responds by putting his head down on her knee and theatrically saying he’s hungry. But he’s crying for real, and so is she.

Then he decides to ask her why people fall in love, basically, and claims that he does not have anyone in his heart. He says there’s no need to like a person that much, that it’s like “haltering your own neck,” according to Netflix. Let’s have a look at that figurative language for a second, and what’s missing from the Neflix translation. 

What he says is (as near as my qhanzi.com skills can make out) “這不就是自己給自己脖子上套犁拴韁吗” which Google tells me means "Isn't this just putting a plow on my neck with a rein?" The part of the image that’s missing from Netflix subs is the plow, and the hard labor and animal servitude involved in pulling a plow. This isn’t a pro-romance image.

He’s clearly thinking about Lan Wangji when he lies about having no-one in his heart, but right now the yoke that he wants to escape has nothing to do with Lan Wangji. The person he’s harnessed to in a team, the person who he labors with, the person he wants to escape, is Jiang Cheng.  What’s chafing his neck is the promise he made, to stay and serve as one half of a pair, when he can no longer pull his weight. 

Busted

Speaking of Jiang Cheng, he is hanging around outside the shrine, listening to the conversation. Wei Wuxian busts him, pointing out not that eavesdropping is bad, but that it’s bad for grownups. Jiang Cheng points out that he’s the master of Lotus Pier so he’s allowed to go anywhere he wants.

(I love how he looks framed by this giant lotus behind him)

We Wuxian has another of those moments where he assesses the best approach to Jiang Cheng before responding. 

Then he picks a fake fight with him about soup.  Yanli comes out and tells them both to grow up, saying that JC is losing his demeanor as clan leader. He jokingly fixes his already-perfect robe ad they all have a chuckle.

Then Jiang Cheng reminds Wei Wuxian of his promise for the millionth time, and Jiang Yanli goes to make soup for the millionth time. As soon as the boys see that she’s gone, the smiles drop right off of their faces. They’re both performing their typical relationship dynamic for Jiang Yanli.

Being Reasonable

The brothers repair to the main hall, and stand behind the lotus throne looking out of this complicated wall/doorway thingy, while they talk about Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan. 

Jiang Cheng is being mature and sensible here, trying to give Jiang Yanli what she wants and also explaining very, very basic political stuff to Wei Wuxian, who is too caught up in his hate boner for JZX to want to think about the bigger picture. He also thinks that Jin Guangyao is a nicer person, but Jiang Cheng says that nice doesn’t matter.  

Wei Wuxian is getting a full head of steam going about what a jerk JZX is, when Jiang Cheng makes him actually stop and think, by pointing out that it’s not for them to forgive or not forgive Jin Zixuan’s past behavior; it’s up to Yanli.

Wei Wuxian sees the reasoning in this, and starts to say he can’t understand why Yanli chose to like this person, but then he stops himself and goes through a rapid series of thoughtful, uncomfortable expressions. 

Perhaps he’s realizing that he himself has chosen to like an infamously stuck-up, fancy cultivator, albeit one with no soup-related character deficits.

Library Time

The stuck-up cultivator in question is currently in the Cloud Recesses library, where he has snuck into the forbidden books room, against his uncle’s express command, for the purpose of helping Wei Wuxian. The forbidden books room is an entire basement floor of the library; it probably has more books than the not-forbidden part of the library, since the main floor needs space for the restrooms, circulation desk, and copy machines.

(Did OP photoshop the Wangxian-in-the-Library porn picture onto Lan Wangjis’ book? She did.)

A couple of other Lans come along and see the main door unlocked. The lock is a big fish that probably uses magic for locking; it definitely doesn’t use a key. One of them steps in the doorway, glances back and forth without walking through, and does not check the secret door to the forbidden vault. Gosh, how did Su She and/or Jin Guangyao  ever manage to steal secrets from this highly secure location, wow.

Lan Wangji hears the Lan disciple on guard duty say “don’t tell Hanguang Jun about this!’ and has a series of microexpressions that might indicate some kind of feeling about simultaneously being a rule breaker and a rule enforcer.  

Boat Time

We end with an idyllic scene on the lake in Lotus pier, where a new batch of disciples is harvesting lotuses and learning the opposite of boat safety. 

Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian are having a good time, and seem utterly carefree; both of them are good at living in the moment, or faking it. 

Wei Wuxian thinks, in voiceover, that it seems that it’s not so hard to go back to the old days. Uh...ok.

Except he’s hiding a massive secret and these replacement kids are not the same juniors he used to hang out with, and he can’t actually teach them cultivation, since he has no socially-acceptable magic power, and everything is about to go to shit in the next episode. But you gotta take your joy where you can, I guess. 

Note: There are a lot of questionable effects in The Untamed, but there are also beautiful scenes like this one, which looks like a Maxfield Parrish painting. Compare with the BTS below and you can see what a good job the VFX team did in bringing this lake to life. 

[serenheist]

What Jungkook is like in a relationship/ Jungkook as a boyfriend Tarot reading

I was gonna put Jin up first but I finished Jungkook quicker so oops but I’m finally back after 200 years of adulting things

1. How long does it take Jungkook to get into a relationship? 8 of pentacles, 2 of cups, the world Do he prefer long or short term relationships 7 of swords, ace of wands Nelys the alchemist 27 reversed, 5 of swords, 9 of cups reversed 

For an actual relationship and not just dating I think he can take a while if not a long ass time because he’s too much of a perfectionist and will work hard at making sure everything is right before getting into a relationship. I don't know why I’m getting like before things would get “steamy” he would never let them see his body until he worked out enough for his own standards like everything has to be perfected and mastered beforehand. There’s also a reoccurring theme of work getting in the way and even in the beginning stages it’s like he meets up with them does whatever then has to hurry and run back to work and is like “hey I gotta go but I’ll text you later” type of shit. Big focus mostly on career though so it’s hard to tell. But I still think he’s not just sleeping around with just anyone I mean they have to be important if the 2 of cups pops up. I don’t think he’ll get into an actual relationship with someone unless there’s a strong connection. Or at least to him it seems like an important connection.

I gotta say too that the 7 of swords usually screams fuckboi to me but in this case I think the lying and trickery aspect of the card can be taken literally to mean of course he has to lie and sneak around when fans would legit doxx and slit his partners throat if they knew they were together. But anyway in a relationship there’s definitely gonna be extremely strong sexual chemistry I don’t know why this keeps popping up but alright. But one annoying thing is that in a relationship jungkook seems to like fighting in a way. He doesn’t like to lose to anything and will want to win an argument even if it’s petty. There’s also a kind of energy of the other person feeling inadequate sometimes with how much praise he gets from the entire world. It makes the other person feel as exposed since they’re not doing as “well” in the grand scheme of things. And will sometimes not want to compliment him on things because he gets compliments from the entire world this is just day to day petty shit. Another thing is getting into a relationship thinking this person is the one but then realizing over time and all the work you put in was useless cause this is emotionally unfulfilling.

2. Past and present love life king of pentacles, wheel of fortune reversed, queen of pentacles 

Past: bruh his love life in the past is similar to the present. He was mostly focused on building his own career and wealth and love was on the back burner tbh. I think since he has huge goals for himself there was really no time to even do other things. But his love life right now seems like it’s a external long term problem affecting it. And I think he’s learning how to balance his love life and work life right now and just letting things happen and trying to take care of his body and mind.

3. What is he like in a relationship Tobaira of the waters 37 reversed, The glanconer 62 reversed, mother of dawn, knight of pentacles, flashover 11, 6 of swords reversed, addiction 11, envious gluttony 9, is this me? 4

When Jungkook is in a relationship he doesn’t fully feel like he can be emotionally vulnerable and instead will act mischievous and play around to hide behind vulnerability. It can tend to make the other person mad because they never know when he’ll actually be serious because he plays too much sometimes. There’s also playing up to peoples ideas of him. It’s not outwardly tricking people but allowing them to believe what they want and project their fantasies on him. It’s like a weird energy of wanting to rebel but also you feel stuck and want to please them so you don’t let them down. I think he overthinks legit everything and makes things a bigger deal in his mind than what it really is.

Another thing is he could have a tendency to stay with someone even if it’s toxic because of a mix of remembering the good times and also insecurities. There are big vibes of being emotionally stunted like I feel that he’s mentally a teenager still and even though he’s physically different and projects something different. When he’s in a relationship; he still feels like that insecure kid in his head and he can’t escape it. It’s like a false bravado thing going on. There’s a hole that leads to darkness and from that another one that leads to even more darkness. That's dramatic but that’s what it’s like for him. It’s like this emotionally starved monster in his head but in reality the monster is this scrawny young boy who wants to let go and open up but is blocked by himself and running away from his shadow aspects. I do see him though slowly moving towards becoming more open, honest allowing his vulnerable and passionate side out in a healthier way but it might take a while (unless he’s already been working on this) since the knight of pentacles is the slowest knight but he’s also the most stable and loyal.

4. What is his "type" the sage 19 reversed, knight of cups reversed, Jeanne the maid, golden empress, the lovers reversed, 3 of cups reversed 

His ideal type is someone who can come across as aloof, cold, excessively critical. Hey I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but when I pulled a clarifier I got the knight of cups reversed lolll. Dude likes toxic people apparently. On the surface they might look “normal” but on the inside their inner world is overflowing and they have an abundance of charisma and sexual energy. Honestly that could be a big reason why he likes that. There’s a big dualistic energy in them and appearing the best on surface level but underneath is really unpredictable and has the energy of unrequited love. I think he likes those types of people who don’t fawn over him like he’s the second coming of Jesus tbh. This person doesn’t give 2 fucks and they don’t tell everything up front they’re mysterious and it’s more of a challenge for him. They’re really good at appearing humble and maybe innocent even but that’s just because they know how to woo people really. They’re confident and can convince people of almost anything especially around those in power they know how to present their best self to get what they want.

At first I was confused why your ideal type would be someone that seems manipulative af but it makes sense when Jungkook has a lot of deep dark shit he needs to work on from the other cards. I think it’s a big codependency thing and excitement that someone toxic can bring also the fact that this person is down for anything in the bedroom they’re not ashamed or shy about it. His idea of love is pretty distorted he thinks he needs someone who is as intense as he is but really it would be a bad combination especially with the lovers reversed. I’m getting especially that as long as he keeps going after these types of people, he’s never going to be with his “true love” for a lack of a better term. Basically not be with someone who is actually good for him. There could be third party bs but I’m getting more of an overindulged and addiction energy between both of them. Even if he knows they’re no good it’s just so intoxicating it’s like a damn drug to him and it feeds into his more animalistic side (I have no idea how to articulate this lmao) it’s like possessive nature. This reminds me a lot of the attachment types since there’s a lot of people like this who love a more avoidant person and I feel that Jungkook is probably avoidant himself so this is like home sweet home to him. It puts him in the cat chasing mouse position instead of the other way around. That emotionally unavailable energy is very appealing to a lot of people I guess especially when you’re used to everyone bending over backwards for you.

5. What is his love language: Ta’Om the poet 29 reversed, the bodacious Bodach 59 reversed 

He likes when someone actually does helpful things for him that is useful and not like the annoying meddling energy of just doing stuff for him that he doesn’t want you to do. He also does this for others. So acts of service mostly but you already knew that.

[shushiyuii]

maybe some soft sbi naga hurt/comfort nomfs?

g!naga phil and t!techno, tommy and wilbur (human)

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Warnings: Soft vore, mentions of fatal vore and death.

Words: 2K+

Phil was known to be a guardian of sorts, he protected those under his territory, which included the human villages that were built there. He never hated these villages, he actually worked with a majority of them and got along fairly well with the village people.

It’s where he actually met his beloved wife, Kristin. She lived in the village, but the thing is she was mainly an adventurer. And Phil fell in love with her, he was head over heels for her. He allowed Kristin to venture out, with the promise that she’d come home to see him now and again.

He was content with how things were going but to be, but that all changed one day.

One day, Kristin came back, screaming for help. His pointed ears twitched, and he slithered as quickly as he could to the voice. When he arrived, he saw Kristin protecting three human boys. And they were surrounded by people he recognised to be intruders.

Before they could strike, Phil protectively shielded them with his tail. And hissed at the intruders, they seemed to crumble at the sight of Phil, screaming and running. Running as far away as they could from the monster.

Phil knelt down to look closely and the humans. There Kristin was panting from having to hold off so many, behind her were three boys holding onto her. One of them had brown hair and eyes, who was holding hands with the smallest of the three.

He had short blonde hair and bright blue eyes, which reminded Phil of himself, then there was the third. Who had brownish-pink hair and bright blue eyes.

He looked to Kristin, “You okay, Love? That seemed difficult” he asked with concern on his features. “I’m fine honey, thank you. I- Uhm actually have some people I want you to meet!”.

She picked up the smallest of the three and walked closer to Phil and directed the other two to follow her. She was now right in front of Phil. “Phil, this is Tommy”, she held up the smallest slightly, then she pointed to the brunette “Wilbur”, then the last. “Techno”.

Phil hummed happily, “Hello there”. None of them replied, they almost seemed scared and neither of the two could blame them in the slightest. “So, Hon. What are you doing with these boys?”.

“They’re runaways from a village, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the boys as they tried to steal from me”. She laughed as Phil furrowed an eyebrow in curiosity.

Her expression saddened though, “I actually tried to find them a place in some of the nearby villages but..”. She looked away slightly, “To put it simply, there’s not really anybody who has room or money to take in three extra kids.”.

She then looked to Phil with begging eyes, “So I was wondering…”.

Phil smiled and brought his fingertip to his darling’s face, who smiled herself. “Of course, we’ve been meaning of having kids for a while now. Haven’t we?”.

And that’s how he met his three boys, he never regretted his decision of taking in these kids. Kristin helped in raising them as Phil was sometimes way too big to care for them, but they grew up, the eldest twins were now in their teens and the youngest a growing boy.

Their mother now continued her adventures, shorter than they used to be though as she usually now brought back food and souvenirs for them.

Tommy had grown up to be rather loud and adventurous, he reminded him of Kristin at times. He was his mother’s boy. Techno grew up to be the more protective of the three, often training with his mom and Phil in combat so he knew how to protect all of them, not only that but he grew up to love farming, he was much more reserved than his twin.

Now for his twin, Wilbur. He grew up to be the creative one of the three, loving music and using words more than his sibling. He also loved to spend time with his family and such.

And now for as long as he’s had the boys, they were growing up fast. And he was worried that soon enough they may not need him anymore or they could get hurt. But he knew one thing and that was he’d protect them to the very end.

There was one thing he hadn’t brought up though as he raised the boys. He never brought it up in case of frightening them. He had his worries like, “the big scary beast eats his kids” kind of worries. He knew the kids trusted him, but he had no idea how they’d react to that sort of thing.

As of Today though, they were heading out for the day. So, they could spend time outside of their cave. Tommy was beyond excited, jumping up and down on his father’s shoulder as he waited for his siblings.

They soon came down, Wilbur with his guitar smiling as he saw his brother happily jumping. Techno just didn’t seem to care, but they all knew he was excited as well as he carried his sword.

Phil then took the three of them to an opening in the trees. He allowed the boys to venture as he coiled up and sunbathed. He could hear Techno swinging his sword against the tree, Wilbur strumming his guitar and his son trying to climb on him as a jungle gym, he didn’t mind.

After a while, the boys had gathered around each other to decide what game they were going to play with their sibling. He kept an eye on them for a while but saw them staying close and inevitably closed his eyes, letting his guard down as he trusted them to stay close.

But that was his mistake as he ended up falling asleep.

Tommy noticed his dad falling asleep and took the chance to try and explore more of the forest, “Tommy!” Wilbur yelled, following his younger sibling deeper into the woods, worrying he’d get hurt. Techno following behind.

They got a fair distance from Phil as they ran into trouble. “Well, well, well… What do we have here?”. There they were, another giant naga. They’ve never seen one besides their dad and well, they looked a lot more threatening than their dad.

“Looks like I’ve got a free snack~”. He sang. The boys tried to run but they were picked up and squeezed by the giant naga. They were going to be eaten since they ran away from their dad.

Techno tried to move and swing his sword at the naga, but his arms were pinned against him. Stopping any movements. Wilbur tried to reach out to his younger brother who was sobbing.

Despite the lack of air reaching Wilbur’s lungs, he screamed at the top of his lungs. “DAD!”.

Phil’s ears twitched as he picked up the yell, it took a second to process, but he realised it was his son. He snapped upwards immediately, scanning for them and when he didn’t see them insight. His mind went to panic.

He slithered as fast as he could to where the direction of the scream came from and soon heard more screams and cries from his kids, he soon found this naga.

His eyes dilated as his finger’s twitched, his body standing in a position to appear bigger and more threatening to the other naga and hissed loudly. The other naga looked over to Phil with an unsatisfied hiss.

“You’re their father? Why not take them as a free snack?”. They then pinched the back of Tommy’s shirt and held him above his mouth in a threatening manner, displaying his fangs. Tommy screamed out for his father and Phil wanted no more than to hold the boy close and comfort him.

He hissed even louder that time, hoping to scare the other naga but they showed no signs of wanting to remotely stop. And that pissed Phil the fuck off. “Let them go.”. he spoke triumphantly.

But the naga smiled and turned to Phil. Phil’s eyes widened as he realised what was about to happen and driven by instinct, charged at the other naga.

As Phil pounced, Tommy was dropped but thankfully not into the other naga’s mouth but he managed to catch him by his own mouth. He immediately swallowed to send his son to safety.

He wanted to stop as he heard Tommy crying and begging, scared beyond belief but this wasn’t over he still had his other sons to protect. But he promised to himself as soon as this was over, he’d give these boys whatever they wanted to cheer up.

He coiled around the other naga, stopping some of their movements as they struggled to move Wilbur towards their mouth, he beat them to it but grabbing Wilbur himself and dropping him into his mouth and swallowing.

He could feel Wilbur’s cries in his stomach and felt him try to comfort Tommy as much as he could.

He met Techno’s eyes who looked at him horrified, tears in his eyes as he witnessed his father literally eat his siblings.

That just motivated him more to take care of this naga, but he somehow managed to take Phil under him in a swift movement. Restraining Phil.

He saw Techno struggle in the naga’s hand. He used whatever strength he could to make the naga struggle to move from his own coils and moved to grab Techno, he quickly shoved the boy into his mouth and swallowed and then, the two fought.

It took time but eventually, Phil managed to get the other naga to back off. He sighed in relief but that was immediately washed away as he heard his son’s cries, mainly Tommy’s.

“Boys, are you all alright?”. He asked them as he put a hand to his stomach, rubbing it soothingly in circles in hopes of comforting them. “D-Dad?!”, Wilbur yelled out, whose voice shook.

“I’m here boys. What’s wrong?”. He could hear Tommy’s cries grow louder, Wilbur tried to shush his younger sibling, in hopes of calming him but it only seemed to make things worse.

Phil turned his attention to his youngest. “Tommy mate, I’m here. You’re okay.”. He focused his rubs on where he felt the weight of the two. He felt Tommy lean into the touch as he cried.

His sobs quieted slightly, enough that Wilbur was able to calm him. That’s when Techno spoke up, “D-dad”, it was rare that his son’s voice shook, but it was so clear in his voice that Phil could tell his son was scared.

“What’s wrong Techno?”, he asked and rubbed where he felt him. Techno sobbed, “Y-you ate us!”. “Shh, mate it’s okay. You trust me, don’t you? You’re safe I promise.”. “B-but!”. “Hey, hey. You’re safe in there, how do I put this into words? Uhm-“.

They remained silent for a moment as Phil thought of a way to put it. “Basically, my tummy won’t hurt you. I can make it safe for all of you. It’s a little place to keep all of you safe”. He worded it in a way all of them could understand and process.

“S-so we’re gonna be, okay?”. Wilbur asked, “Of course”. He rubbed more circles as he felt the boys lean into the touch more. “How about you boys get some rest now alright? You’ve had a rough day.”.

He then felt the boys tuck in and he sighed in relief, he then made his way back to the den and slept with the boys safe in his stomach.

He remembered that Kristin would be returning the next day, so he would have a lot of explaining to do with what happened but he knew his love would understand, after all, they had done it many times in the past.

He was glad the boys were okay, especially after that experience. He was going to have to make sure he kept a better eye out from now on.

[worstloki]

Top Forty Thor-Being-Thor Moments from Thor 1

just absolute dumb*ssery that this 7yr old kid’s life goal is to “hunt down the monsters and slay them all”. I’ll go easy on him here and let the Thor/Loki expressions do the talking because of “...just like you did Father” but seriously can his hands even fit around a sword handle??? this kid isn’t even punching the air right??? if there was a sword in his hand he would’ve cut his head with the way he’s moving???? pure tiny-himbo energy here just look at that >:o face he’s making. contrasts very nicely with Loki’s ‘,:|. 10/10. such a baby idiot.

“the jotuns must pay for what they have done! they broke into the weapons vault! if the frost giants had stolen even one of these relics!” thor. thor please. can you even name one of these relics. thor. hey thor. thor. shut up. “well, what would you do about this?” odin asks him. “march into jotunheim! like you once did! break their spirits! so they’ll never try anything like this again!” wow okay so we’ve fast-forwarded by like a thousand years and thor is still going on about genocide. huh. that’s funny, i thought loki was the genocidal one. hmm. i also just realized that the loki exclusive clip gives loki the same hairstyle thor has here so do what you will with that information.

0/10. horrible. terrible. i dont care how angy thor is about not getting to kill some jotuns or become king today this very instant, that is a tremendous waste of food. an absolute fool. how can he just remorselessly throw the bread to the floor. if loki stabbed him when he was 7 he would deserve it for this table flip alone. what a privileged white *ssh*le.

loki came skulking around a corner and suggested not to go to jotunheim and not only did thor not suspect anything but he also then went on to decide to go to jotunheim. 10/10 himbo material. 

if tumblr didn’t have a picture limit i would put every instance of thor smiling in this list because look at that stupid smile. he’s such an idiot. 11/10. this is the thor content i’m here for.

“I have no plans to die today” thor says with the stupidest open-mouthed smirking smile ever captured on film. right after he also told heimdall not to tell anyone they’re gone. he’s literally planned to strand them on jotunheim. thor’s grand plan was to strange themselves on jotunheim and also start a fight. i repeat: thor’s plan was to successfully slay all the frost giants and not need to return until they’re all gone. what an absolute d*mb*ss. this is getting ridiculous. this was originally a top-ten-thor moments list but i’m not even twenty minutes in so i’ll have to extend the list. thor. thor are you listening? thor, you’re such an idiot.

“HOW DID YOUR PEOPLE GET INTO ASGARD?!” thor you sweet sweet summer idiot, please, i am beggin,g you,, learn to rea,d , a room,, literally everyone else who came with you is regretting it, there is complete silence and only the rumble of the opposing king is meeting your “I AM THOR, SON OF ODIN”s, please, please take some notes from Loki, or, you know, literally anyone else in the room, since everyone is asking you to get out of this realm while you still can,

thor’s stupid smile makes an appearance after he gets called a princess and decides to fight a whole realm over it. you know what? thor is a princess. he’s the prettiest princess in all the lands. what’s thor gonna do about it? is he going to fight me too? I hope he does the stupid grin first. minus 15 points for the sexism. thor is a complete and utter sadistic fool who needs to get a hobby. seriously, he’s 1500 years old and still going on and on about slaying all the frost giants. boi, i hate to break it to you, but your dad is not the best or only example of greatness out there. i don’t think your dad even qualifies as an example of that. 

“THEN. GO!” 🥰 ahh yes, just thor thingz 🥰🥰 like when one friend has had his arm burnt 🥰 and another friend has been impaled and needs medical attention, 🥰🥰 and all the rest of your friends are yelling for you, 🥰 and your brother is telling you they must go, 🥰 and you decide to buy everyone time by laughing maniacally and killing more frosties because you care for them and dont find joy in destruction like a loon 🥰🥰🥰 

THIS is the iconic Thor moment that makes my day whenever I think about it. Just Thor, an absolute bumbering 6′6′’ giant boodlusting dummy sees Odin and just decides to yell “FATHAA!! WE’LL FINISH THEM TOGETHAAA!” as if the last thing Odin told him wasn’t “no, thor, we’re not going to do anything to the frost giants, do not go after them and try to kill them all.” 11/10 d*mb*assery right here folks, I couldn’t ask for Thor to be more of a fool. This is PEAK Thor energy. Look at that face. I feel like Thor spends half this movie with his nostrils flared. I love it.

okay i gotta give thor credit for rightfully calling odin “an old man and a fool” but also there was not even 1 frame of the scene where Thor had a decent face so now all i see is >:O >:| >:o >:[ when i watch that scene. yelling at odin was great, not yelling at odin after he HUAERGHed at loki was less great, but to be fair it’s thor and he is the definition of Peak D*mb*ss. 

thor literally GROWLS and starts yelling “HAMMAA?? HAMMER??” over and over. He was hit by a van, he fainted, he woke up and started growling. I don’t know what else there is to say about this.

“you dare threaten me? puny human?”. so. uhh. basically. Thor knew she was threatening him? He KNEW she had a weapon? instead he made a face and started yelling as he tried to walk his way closer????? thor you complete and utter dum dum. you frickin hairball-for-brains. im not even surprised darcy tasered him. with that kind of face, i’d taser him too.

when you wake up in an unknown place to a person smiling at you without a stupid smile, the first step is always to attack first and ask questions later 😌😌😌 (but seriously thor you imbecile why didn’t you ask where you were instead of throwing multiple people around the room and getting your butt needled. you clueless buffoon. you’ll remain a clueless buffoon if you don’t listen to anyone.)

just a quick recap but thor was knocked unconscious by a van and these people kidnapped him aboard and the next scene we see him in he’s checking himself out in  mirror after presumably changing right there in the open?????? these are the things that make thor thor. any other character and i’d question it so much, but this is thor, and i truly believe this is in-character for him. just change in the open because why not? thor is a beefcake and that’s his only redeeming quality and he knows it. 10/10 thor moment. 

I am now convinced that Thor saw Jane and “5k van-hitter to lover slow-burn height-difference himbo-scientist trope” flashed through his mind.

“but no more smashing!” Jane says, and then Thor proceeds to check her out and smile unlike an idiot and like a douche. was this his version of flirting???? i’m not one to decide, but yes, yes it was. He threw a cup to the ground and broke it, and she’s getting mad at him and berating him about it, and he’s liking it. y’all i’m sorry to break it to you like this, but thor has a canon fetish. i am so, so sorry.

im DYING. THAT ISN’T EVEN A KISS, HIS MOUTH IS OPEN. he SMUSHES his mouth around her knuckle???? WHY. I can’t keep noticing things like this. send help. please. Jane’s response makes so much more sense now; she’s laughs for a solid 3 seconds and shakes her head and is like “uhh, thank you? ahaha,” and then she keeps looking back longingly when walking away. they are doing this in PLAIN sight of EVERYONE. Darcy and Erik are standing RIGHT THERE, and Thor is doing weird things to her with his mouth. I’m out. I am done here. goodbye. 

return of the stupid smile AND the douche smile in quick succession through the entire trip. their entire dialogue is peppered with innuendo. “I’ve never done anything like this before. have you ever done anything like this before?” “many times, but you are brave to do it.” “I have nothing else to lose.” “ah but you are clever, far more clever than anyone else on this realm.” “realm? rEaLm?” “you think me strange?” “yes” “good strange or bad strange?” “I haven’t decided yet.” I AM DYING OVER THIS. plus, we get Return Of The Himbo with Jane asking after Einstein Rosen bridges and Thor is like “uh, actually, more like a rainbow bridge 😜🤪” i feel so sorry for jane here, didn’t know how much of a d*mb*ss Thor was when signing up for this van-trip and knuckle-sucking 😭😭😭 i also no longer have questions about how the trip that SHOULD HAVE BEEN A HALF-HOUR ONE turned into one that LASTED TILL THE SUN WENT FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE SKY TO SETTING by the time they arrived. I have no questions. please. I don’t want to know what they were doing in that van. please no. don’t make me think about it.

thor’s plan had 3 steps and they were 1. give jane his jacket 2. walk in and get his hammer 3. fly out. that was literally his plan. he had the first “I have a plan. attack.” moment in the MCU. pure concentrated 0-brain-cells energy right here. how can you not stan this king of d*mb*ssery. look at him, flaunting his big boy muscles. he’s about get his hammer and fly out, like he just told jane with a trademark stupid-smile.

crop-top hair-mop thor is my favourite thor. the way the entire fight scene parallels a hamster in a maze only exemplifies the thor vibes for some inexplicable reason.

“you’re big. fought bigger.” + Thor douche-smile + subtext from earlier + rolling around passionately in the mud = not a happy me. 

I swear i’m not making up this romantic subtext but it’s barely even subtext. the entire scene leading up to Thor’s attempt at lifting the hammer is actually filmed erotically. I’m not kidding. First there’s a shot where Thor pulls aside a hamster-cage-wall blind which mirrors a shower-curtain, and THEN he walks around the hammer while smiling douche-ly at it, we get a few close-ups to his face which are shot from angles slightly lower than himself, giving him an aire of superiority, plus the music adds to this, he reaches out for the hammer’s handle with a mud-covered arm in the rain, in non-slow-motion slow-motion, and he wraps his arm around it, like, he fully twists his arm, unecessarily sexually, around it as he grabs the hammer. This is not okay. On the plus side, it makes the movie much more entertaining,, on the down side,,.

im not going to call Thor dumb for not knowing he’s not worthy. im not going to. because odin literally whispered the enchantment to mjolnir after he’d thrown thor to midgard. it is very funny watching thor grunt in frustration though. he starts yelling because he couldn’t lift the hammer and just lets himself get caught. like, dude, get a life, go buy a new weapon from the store, seriously. he mourns for the hammer on-screen longer than he does for loki. he also looks like he’s in far more pain here. he becomes catatonic and unresponsive after this, but when loki dies he’s already feasting the same afternoon. 10/10 dum dum thor material. never change thor, never change. (that’s code for please change, thor, please,)

thor trying to establish dominance wherever he goes is the funniest thing because at this point he’s being a complete asgardian *ss about it and it’s reaching points of pettiness never seen before. side note: he is possibly flirting with selvig too. maybe. i’m not saying anything happened, but Thor’s openning lines when bringing him home carried over his shoulder are “he’s fine, not injured at all,” followed with an apology to selvig, and an explanation to jane which consisted only of “we drank, we fought, he made his ancestors proud,” and then he puts the man to bed and before he falls asleep erik says “i still don’t believe you’re the g*d of th*nder, but you ought to be,” so... your choice, i guess...

thor’s got his trademark stupid smile and stupidly takes jane’s life’s work notebook and starts doodling in it about trees. the last time his father told him this story about Yggdrasil was when he was 5 and he clearly hasn’t payed attention to any lesson about anything since and it shows so so much. thank you thor. very insightful knowledge you’re passing on hear. ‘i come from a world where [science and magic] are one and the same,’ ok great, now elaborate on that please. oh, right, you can’t because you’re thor, my bad, 20/10 thor behaviour. he couldn’t even doodle nicely. all his lines are wobbly. epic art fail. i wouldn’t trust him near my sketchbook with a 2B pencil.

THIS is thor’s realization face. in case anyone was interested in what ‘dawning truth’ looked like on him. 😰😪 THIS is the face of a thinker, of a man betrayed by his own beloved brother for unprecedented reasons. look at the nuance in his expression. 😩😩😩 so many emotions, I can’t even count them all 😩💯😪

stupid smile and “do not worry my friends, i have a plan,” he says, “i’ll just try and abuse the fact that Loki’s super selfless and kind and has no self worth to my benefit as i have countless times before which is exactly what he’s rightfully angry about this time,” he doesn’t think to himself because that is NOT the smile of someone who is thinking... like, at all. +10000 points to gryffinthor. the d*mb*ssery really jumps out.

“im sorry bro for whatever i did and whatever you’re blaming me for as an excuse to do this, im sorry bro, but you’re disturbing innocents that i don’t really care about but you’re the one making a scene in front of them so why don’t you admit you won’t kill me and are just having a temper tantrum and we move on? hmm?” and then he proceeds to get slam dunked in the face with a metal arm like yEAAAA BOI that’s what you GET for going up against the SENTIENT LAVA-SPEWING metal-man ya absolute dunderhead clod. thunderhead clod? yeah, that. he’s just so dumb, your honour, please, you must understand, the victim pleads guilty on all charges of d*mb*ss and d*mb*ss alone.

I can NOT describe the emotions I feel knowing that Thor is suck-kissing Jane’s knuckles. Like, his mouth is literally jelly-ing it up against her hand. There is suction there and it shows when he is placing and removing his mouth. I promise that’s what is happening. I’m not any happier than you about this. I regret everything. This is why Loki should be what is focused on and not Thor; Thor’s going around trying to frick frack everything in sight even if it’s just Jane’s hand. He’s maintaining eye contact with Jane while he licks her fingers. Why did I decide to rewatch this movie. 

i’m only adding this in as a thor moment because of how desperately and badly they kiss. seriously. 2/10 kiss. im not surprised jane broke up with him. they look like two actual seals fighting over an actual grape. while i’m here i’m going to criticize every fic ever that decided thor is an experienced gentle lover. what were y’all on when watching this movie. thor can and will f*ck literally everything in sight and he won’t even do it well because he is the peakest of peak d*m d*m. look at this man. look at his face. that is the face of an absolute himbo idiot, and it’s the face of an absolute himbo idiot who knows it. he’s been stranded on earth for 2 days, max, and his flirt-count is at 69 people because his name is one letter away from thot. i bet his terrible use of a pen from early means he writes his ‘r’s like ‘t’s and he doesn’t even care. 1000/10 thor moment. doesn’t get much more romance-thor than two individuals smooshing their faces together after some finger sucking. that finger sucking is gonna leave jane simping for years. and that’s true love babey. <3

“I’ll handle my Brother!” Thor says, as if Loki didn’t send a metal-murder-bot that quite virtually killed him less than ten minutes ago asdfhkhsdgsdjf Thor, you horrific himbo you, Loki’s weapon of choice is literally throwing knives he will literally kill you before you enter the room if he’s on his game and wants you dead which he just proved he would do and you’re just gonna???????????? jog on over to him????? Thor??????????? bruH???????????? buddy??????? pal???????? you really wanna go 1v1 the brother you very clearly underestimate and know nothing about????????????????? im loving the confidence, but, no.

Loki: “you literally can’t stop this from here.” Thor, immediately: “i’m going to hit it with the hammer and see if that works” and then it does in fact work later... technically speaking, even if it ends up causing chaos destruction and death and loki falling off the bifrost 😔😔😔 but Big Brain Thor is the Biggest Brained Thor!!! The plan worked!! in a messy-Thor-ish way, but it did!!!

“you can’t kill an entire race!!!!” Thor yells, teeth gritted, as he faces his brother, his coward pacifist brother, who has suddenly decided he wants to join the age-old family tradition of realm-destroying, when this is supposed to be Thor’s dream, Thor’s, not Loki’s. How dare he, Thor thinks to himself, fist clenched around Mjolnir in anger, the pain of the handle pressing against his palm perhaps the only thing preventing him from lashing out at this thought, that’s my planet of monsters to slay, he should go get his own! Loki hits Thor across the face with the back-end of his spear. “Now fight me,” Loki says, but Thor, well, Thor cannot fight, as he remains stunned that of all things Loki would dare steal his life’s ambition, and he is sent sprawling backwards across the observatory, slowly but surely sliding to a stop despite his catatonic, very symbolic silence.

the elegance, the poise, i see your time on earth has made you no less graceful, Thor. the simple magnitude of this sprawl. the spread of the arms. the turn of the feet. this is not a dude, this is a man.

sometimes your brother starts vehemently talking about he’s gonna kill the race of monsters and about how he’s only ever wanted to be your equal and about how he’s not your brother and never was and sometimes you just have to say “this is madness” instead of addressing the issues or asking for any of the  deets 🔥 👊💯😩

Loki is whipping Thor’s butt. Both literally, and metaphorically, Loki is whooping Thor’s d*mb*ss. Earlier he knicked Thor’s face, now he’s just pushing Thor around, he uses the spear as a pole and later kicks Thor’s face by kicking vertically up, and Thor, bless him in all his blond golden muscled glory, doesn’t think anything is up with this, gosh he’s such an absolute utter idiot

sometimes your brother laughs way too much and also cries too much in a fight and there are also too many of him so you just need to blast lightning so you get a shot at all of them 😌😌😌 and then put your magical infinitely-heavy hammer on his chest 😌😌😌 but it’s okay because Thor left holes in Loki’s container 😌😌😌

now THIS is the meat to Thor’s funny bone, just the pure unadulterated humour that is Thor saying that there will never be a “wiser king” or a “better father” than Odin, it cracks me up every single time without fail, just the way he says it with a straight face and— what do you mean he wasn’t joking

look at Thor’s stupid smile as he asks Heimdall to spy on jane every single day while conveniently never asking after Loki ever. This is Thor’s face in mourning after he attended a feast after everyone was celebrating after Loki’s death. Look at his stupid smile. I love him your honour. He’s just,, he’s just so frickin stewpeed, just Thor being Thor, just the purest of d*mbest of *sses. 

[kingandfireheart]

The Lady of the Autumn Court: what the fuck is happening in Autumn (part 2)

As I said in my Eris Vanserra post, it seems that the Lady of the Autumn Court is a bigger piece to the Eris and Lucien puzzles.

We don't know what the fuck has been happening in the Forest House but we do the following:

The Lady of the Autumn Court is/was extremely powerful

Lucien (and to some extent Eris) are mama's boys (even though Lucien has been exiled for centuries)

The Lady met Helion before she was married to Beron

At least one of the seven brothers - Lucien - is Helion's child, but Helion saved the Lady after she had already had some kids (so Eris probably isn't his, even though they both have amber eyes)

The Lady chose to stay with Beron

Beron is aware of the affair between Helion and the Lady

Beron is physically abusive towards the Lady and had tortured Eris

Helion does not know Lucien is his heir, but Eris seems to know Lucien isn't Beron's son

Things that aren't mentioned below the cut, but are interesting:

Eris is the ringleader of the brothers, the commander of Beron's forces, and is Beron's most trusted son (the other three don't even have names)

In ACOWAR, Eris says has never denied Beron anything - except to save Lucien - but is angling for the throne and betraying him in ACOFAS and ACOSF (this reminds me of Lorcan betraying Maeve for her own good in TOG)

Beron wanted to kill Lucien for wanting to leave Autumn and marry Jesminda (this doesn't seem like a good reason if he isn't in line for the throne - or isn't part of their bloodline, but I guess Beron doesn't need a reason to be cruel)

Helion alludes to having trouble at home in ACOSF

The remaining unnamed brothers are all angling for the throne (this reminds me of the Khaganate in TOG and the Cruel Prince)

I got a little carried away with the color coding, but here's every major scene involving and discussing the Lady of the Autumn Court (and some breadcrumbs because I'm convinced SJM is purposeful in her writing)

Rhysand uses the Lady of the Autumn Court taunt Lucien in ACOTAR:

Rhysand’s venom-coated smile grew. “You draw blood from me, Lucien, and you’ll learn how quickly Amarantha’s whore can make the entire Autumn Court bleed. Especially its darling Lady.” The color leached from Lucien’s face, but he held his ground. It was Tamlin who answered. “Put your sword down, Lucien.” Rhysand ran an eye over me. “I knew you liked to stoop low with your lovers, Lucien, but I never thought you’d actually dabble with mortal trash.” My face burned. Lucien was trembling—with rage or fear or sorrow, I couldn’t tell. “The Lady of the Autumn Court will be grieved indeed when she hears of her youngest son. If I were you, I’d keep your new pet well away from your father.”

The Lady of the Autumn Court also helps Feyre with one of her tasks:

A door clicked open somewhere down the hall, and I shot to my feet. An auburn head peered at me. I sagged with relief. Lucien— Not Lucien. The face that turned toward me was female—and unmasked. She looked perhaps a bit older than Amarantha, but her porcelain skin was exquisitely colored, graced with the faintest blush of rose along her cheeks. Had the red hair not been indication enough, when her russet eyes met mine, I knew who she was. I bowed my head to the Lady of the Autumn Court, and she inclined her chin slightly. I supposed that was honor enough. “For giving her your name in place of my son’s life,” she said, her voice as sweet as sun-warmed apples. She must have been in the crowd that day. She pointed at the bucket with a long, slender hand. “My debt is paid.” She disappeared through the door she’d opened, and I could have sworn I smelled roasting chestnuts and crackling fires in her wake.

Rhys (while wearing the mask of hte High Lord) uses her to taunt Lucien again in ACOMAF:

“Little Lucien,” Rhys purred. “Didn’t the Lady of the Autumn Court ever tell you that when a woman says no, she means it?”

“Prick,” Lucien snarled, storming past his sentinels, but not daring to touch his weapons. “You filthy, whoring prick.”

Lucien explaining how he was treated since Beron may suspect he's Helion's heir and as we know from Tamlin: future high lords have physical markers:

His jaw tightened. “As the youngest of seven sons, I wasn’t particularly needed or wanted. Perhaps it was a good thing. I was able to study for longer than my father allowed my brothers before shoving them out the door to rule over some territory within our lands, and I could train for as long as I liked, since no one believed I’d be dumb enough to kill my way up the long list of heirs. And when I grew bored with studying and fighting … I learned what I could of the land from its people. Learned about the people, too.”

“I’d say that sounds more High-Lord-like than the life of an idle, unwanted son.”

A long, steely look. “Did you think it was mere hatred that prompted my brothers to do their best to break and kill me?”

This may not relate to the Lady of the Autumn Court's relationship with Helion, but I'm gathering all the crumbs (why does Eris hesitate before calling his brothers brothers?)

“You hunted me down like an animal,” I cut in. “I think we’ll choose to believe the worst.”

Eris’s pale face flushed. “I was given an order. And sent to do it with two of my … brothers.”

Eris has no love for Beron (he literally asks Rhys to kill him), but he does seem to protect the Lady during the High Lord's Meeting:

“If you want proof that we are not scheming with Hybern,” Rhysand said blandly to them all, “consider the fact that it would be far less time-consuming to slice into your minds and make you do my bidding.”

Only Beron was stupid enough to scoff. Eris was just angling his body in his chair—blocking the path to his mother.

Helion and Lady of Autumn lock eyes:

The violence simmering off my friends was enough to boil the pool at our toes as the High Lord of Autumn filed through the archway, his sons in rank behind him, his wife—Lucien’s mother—at his side. Her russet eyes scanned the room, as if looking for that missing son.

They settled instead on Helion, who gave her a mocking incline of his dark head. She quickly averted her gaze.

The High Lords discuss the past war:

(also reminder: Eris has Amber Eyes like Helion)

Helion shrugged, the sun catching in the embroidered gold thread of his tunic. “Indeed, though it seems Tamlin is already ahead of me. The Spring Court must be evacuated.” His amber eyes darted between Tarquin and Beron. “Surely your northern neighbors will welcome them.”

Beron’s lip curled. “We do not have the resources for such a thing.”

“Right,” Viviane said, “because everyone’s too busy polishing every jewel in that trove of yours.”

Beron threw her a glare that had Kallias tensing. “Wives were invited as a courtesy, not as consultants.”

Viviane’s sapphire eyes flared as if struck by lightning. “If this war goes poorly, we’ll be bleeding out right alongside you, so I think we damn well get a say in things.”

“Hybern will do far worse things than kill you,” Beron counted coolly. “A young, pretty thing like you especially.”

Kallias’s snarl rippled the water in the reflection pool, echoed by Mor’s own growl.

Beron smiled a bit. “Only three of us were present for the last war.” A nod to Rhys and Helion, whose face darkened. “One does not easily forget what Hybern and the Loyalists did to captured females in their war-camps. What they reserved for High Fae females who either fought for the humans or had families who did.” He put a heavy hand on his wife’s too-thin arm. “Her two sisters bought her time to run when Hybern’s forces ambushed their lands. The two ladies did not walk out of that war-camp again.” Helion was watching Beron closely, his stare simmering with reproach.

The Lady of the Autumn Court kept her focus on the reflection pool. Any trace of color drained from her face. Dagdan and Brannagh flashed through my mind—along with the corpses of those humans. What they’d done to them before and after they’d died

After Nesta makes her speech:

She looked to Beron and his family as she finished. Only the Lady and Eris seemed to be considering—impressed, even, by the strange, simmering woman before them.

After Azriel attacks Eris:

Beron struck—only for his fire to bounce off a hard barrier of my own. I lifted my gaze to the High Lord of Autumn. “That’s twice now we’ve handed you your asses. I’d think you’d be sick of the humiliation.”

Helion laughed

---

Eris, wisely, averted his eyes. And said, “Apologies, Morrigan.”

His father actually gawked at the words. But something like approval shone on the Lady of Autumn’s face as her eldest son settled himself once more.

Thesan rubbed his temples. “This does not bode well.”

But Helion smirked at his retinue, crossing an ankle over a knee and flashing those powerful, sleek thighs. “Looks like you owe me ten gold marks.”

Feyre loses her shit:

Beron shielded barely fast enough to block me, but the wake singed Eris’s arm—right through the cloth. And the pale, lovely arm of Lucien’s mother.

---

The Lady of Autumn was clutching her arm, angry red splattered along the moon-white skin. No glimmer of pain on that face, though. I said to her as I reclaimed my seat, “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes lifted toward mine, round as saucers.

Beron spat, “Don’t talk to her, you human filth.”

Helion tells the story of the Affair:

Helion tapped a finger against the carved arm of his couch. “He played games in the War and it cost him—dearly. His people still remember those choices—those losses. His own damn wife remembers.”

Helion had looked at the Lady of Autumn repeatedly during the meeting. I asked, carefully and casually, “What do you mean?”

--

Helion’s jaw clenched. “The Lady of the Autumn Court was sent to stay with her sisters, her younger children packed off to other relatives. To spread out the bloodline.” He dragged a hand through his sable hair. “Hybern attacked their estate. Her sisters bought her time to run. Not because she was married to Beron, but because they loved each other. Fiercely. She tried to stay, but they convinced her to go. So she did—she ran and ran, but Hybern’s beasts were still faster. Stronger. They cornered her at a ravine, where she became trapped atop a ledge, the beasts snapping at her feet

--

Helion didn’t so much as shift in his chair. “She was still young—though she’d been married to that delightful male for nearly two decades. Married too young, the marriage arranged when she was twenty.”

---

But it was Mor who said coolly, “I heard a rumor once, Helion, that she waited before agreeing to that marriage. For a certain someone who had met her by chance at an equinox ball the year before.”

I tried not to blink, not to let any of my rising interest surface.

The fire banked to embers and Helion threw a half smile in Mor’s direction. “Interesting. I heard her family wanted internal ties to power, and that they didn’t give her a choice before they sold her to Beron.”

--

“How long did the affair last?” I asked. That withdrawn female … I couldn’t imagine it.

Helion snorted. “Is that a polite question for a High Lady to be asking?”

But the way he spoke, that smile … I only waited, using silence to push him instead.

Helion shrugged. “On and off for decades. Until Beron found out. They say the lady was all brightness and smiles before that. And after Beron was through with her … You saw what she is.”

“What did he do to her?”

“The same things he does now.” Helion waved a hand. “Belittle her, leave bruises where no one but him will see them.”

I clenched my teeth. “If you were her lover, why didn’t you stop it?” The wrong thing to say. Utterly wrong, by the dark fury that rippled across Helion’s face.

“Beron is a High Lord, and she is his wife, mother of his brood. She chose to stay. Chose. And with the protocols and rules, Lady, you will find that most situations like the one you were in do not end well for those who interfere.

I didn’t back down, didn’t apologize. “You barely even looked at her today.”

“We have more important matters at hand.”

“Beron never called you out for it?”

“To publicly do so would be to admit that his possession made a fool of him. So we continue our little dance, these centuries later.” I somehow doubted that beneath that roguish charm and irreverence, Helion felt it was a dance at all.

But if it had ended centuries ago, and she’d never seen him again, had let Beron treat her so abominably …

The Lucien Paternity Revelation:

While we spoke, I said down the bond, Helion is Lucien’s father. Rhys was silent. Then— Holy burning hell. His shock was a shooting star between us.

I let my gaze dart through the room, half paying attention to Helion’s musing on the wall and how to repair it, then dared study the High Lord for a heartbeat. Look at him. The nose is the same, the smile. The voice. Even Lucien’s skin is darker than his brothers’. A golden brown compared to their pale coloring.

It would explain why his father and brothers detest him so much—why they have tormented him his entire life.

My heart squeezed at that. And why Eris didn’t want him dead. He wasn’t a threat to Eris’s power—his throne. I swallowed. Helion has no idea, does he?

It would seem not.

The Lady of Autumn’s favorite son—not only from Lucien’s goodness. But because he was the child she’d dreamed of having … with the male she undoubtedly loved.

Beron must have discovered the affair when she was pregnant with Lucien.

He likely suspected, but there was no way to prove it—not if she was sharing his bed, too. Rhys’s disgust was a tang in my mouth. I have no doubt Beron debated killing her for the betrayal, and even afterward. When Lucien could be passable as his own of spring—just enough to make him doubt who had sired his last son.

I wrapped my head around it. Lucien not Beron’s son, but Helion’s. His power is flame, though. They’ve mused Beron’s title could go to him.

His mother’s family is strong—that was why Beron wanted a bride from their line. The gift could be hers.

You never suspected?

Not once. I’m mortified I didn’t even consider it.

What does this mean, though?

Nothing—ultimately nothing. Other than the fact that Lucien might be Helion’s sole heir

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #31 - Ammo and the Anti-Glowup

So, the Lost Light disappeared, stranding all the crew in space in their little escape pods. 200-some robots just lost their homes and worldly possessions. That’s absolutely horrible. What a devastating thing to happen.

Anyway, here’s Drift with a flashback sequence.

No hips, fingers all the exact same length, hockey pucks embedded in his forearms- Rojo, this is a crime you’ve committed. When will the long arm of the law stop your sinful, pancake-shaped hands?

About two years prior to current events, Drift, Riptide, and Pipes- yes, Pipes!- were wandering around trying to find a ship for the space yacht trip. The gang’s here to see who owns the big honkin’ ship outside. Problem is, Drift is unintentionally terrifying because he has a great deal of swords.

Now, you may say to yourself “isn’t it a bit odd that the species that has members who literally turn into guns would be nervous around a guy with swords?” This is a valid critique, until you remember that at least some of the folks who turn into guns were born that way, and Drift was very much NOT born bladed the fuck out. There’s an entire miniseries devoted to explaining this, it’s called Drift. The swords are a choice, one that he makes every day.

Drift is willing to pay an honestly absurd amount of money for the ship, if he can just find the dude with the paperwork- don’t ask where he got the money. Pipes isn’t being terribly helpful in finding them, so Riptide decides that now is the time to start practicing being proactive and pulls a Coyote Ugly.

No, no, he doesn’t.

He does climb up on a table and start yelling for the ship’s owners to reveal themselves, though. Which they do.

Now it’s time for the world-building portion of our comic issue. Let’s learn about chirolinguistics.

Drift, staying true to his Mary Sue nature, uses his near-perfect Hand skills to strike up a deal with the owners of the ship. This would be impressive, if it didn’t just look like the most convoluted hand-holding session in the friggin’ universe.

Still, Drift is rich enough to make Jeff Bezos weep with envy, so the arrangements are made and the lads go on their way, talking some mad shit about the original name of the ship as they do.

So it is revealed to us that the Lost Light is named after a festival for honoring the dead and disappeared, which makes the fact that Rewind and Chromedome were there all the more sad.

Back in the present, Megatron tells Riptide to shut up so they can figure out what the hell they’re going to do about this whole “our home and also ride has ceased to exist” situation. He’s putting an awful lot of distance between himself and the rest of the Autobots as he does it, something that isn’t lost on the more bitter people of the crowd.

But why were we even talking about the Lost Light in the first place? Not to reminisce, believe it or not. See, it’s time for Nautica to get a little panel time, and she’s going to use it to be a massive fucking nerd and explain how the quantum engines work. As she does, Ratchet notes that his hands feel funny. Must be the weight of his hand-stealing sins manifesting itself in his joints.

Nautica explains that the engines run off of improbability- it is highly unlikely, but not impossible, that the ship can reach light speed, and riding the fine line between what can happen and what can’t, results in the creation of power for the engines. If this sounds familiar, it’s because Brainstorm gave us a watered down version of this explanation back in issue #2. If it sounds familiar for a different reason, it’s because this is how the Heart of Gold runs in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Again, I’m not sure why it is that the British love this concept so much, but there you are.

Oh, it appears someone has a question. Let’s see what they want to know about, shall we?

…Rojo, what the fuck is this.

Our muppety friend here isn’t too keen on how much of a smarmy asshole Nightbeat is being right now, though I’d assume it actually has something to do with the fact that Nightbeat got smacked around with the pretty-boy stick while Getaway very much did not. While the two bicker- there’s a lot of bickering in Season Two- Nautica presents a theory on what happened to the ship; it went too far in the direction of “can’t” and made itself cease to be.

Megatron gives not a shit about quantum improbability, though. He only cares about how they’re going to get out of this mess. Which, y’know. Valid.

Blaster picks up a radio from Rodimus, who tells the gang that they’re to meet up on a nearby planet to regroup and figure out their next move. The call drops before he can get more than a couple Megatron-directed insults in, however. Megatron, in response, tries to be the bigger person, and almost immediately fails. We do get a headcount though, which is good, logistically speaking. This information is communicated to us by way of a splash page full of character head shots. We’ve got 20 ‘bots on board this ship.

Yep. 20. No more, no less.

As our friends approach the planet, we’re informed that it’s actually a Lectureworld- a planet devoted to the study of a single field. Except it’s actually a Smartplanet now, and it’s been privatized by the Galactic Council, so you’ve got to pay to go there. Cyclonus thinks that that’s bullshit, and I can’t help but agree. Crosscut tries to network with they guy about his play, probably because word got around that Cyclonus is rich as hell, when the lights cut out. When they come back on, Crosscut is nowhere to be found.

It’s time for a Whodunnit.

Tailgate immediately pegs Megatron as the culprit in this disappearance, and breaks out a gun over the matter. Megatron thinks that this is absolutely adorable, which only serves to further infuriate our marshmallow friend. I guess he’s still mad about the whole “I was a Decepticon for five minutes and got brainwashed over it” thing, and wants someone to pin the anger on who’s socially acceptable to hate.

Cyclonus and Ratchet both think that Tailgate’s not going about this the right way, but the guy is simply too het up to listen to them. Tailgate suggests that they lock Megatron in the engine room for the time being and-

OKAY WHO LET HIM HAVE THAT

Riptide breaks out his gun, and soon we’ve got a standoff going between the three of them. Cyclonus tries to deescalate, which makes Gears and Huffer break out their guns. Then Hound breaks out his gun, though he seems to be doing his own thing, by pointing it in Nautica’s direction.

Broski, I think that might be animal cruelty.

Megatron manages to shoot Ravage “unconscious” and catches him by the friggin’ throat, stating that he has zero idea how this guy got here. With the heat off the two of them for a moment, Megatron communicates to Ravage to play ‘possum for the time being. Ravage responds, and I wonder exactly how he’s doing that, considering I don’t think he has enough fingers to effectively utilize Hand as a language. Or fingers at all, really.

While this is going on, Cyclonus snatches the gun out of Tailgate’s hand, admonishing him for being reckless about picking his fights. Generally speaking, you don’t want to try to go toe-to-toe with a guy who’s responsible for the deaths of literal billions. Getaway swoops in to comfort Tailgate, calling him gutsy. I wonder if this will become a trend.

Swerve says a thing, as he is wont to do, and it’s made known that multiple folks have disappeared during this incredibly brief standoff.

Wow, Chromedome just fucked off, huh? He wasn’t even in that sequence, just left.

Everyone’s positively baffled by the current happenings. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to who’s being taken. I guess we’ve got a mystery on our hands.

And who better to solve a mystery than a detective?

Nightbeat wrangles all the leftover folks into a corner of the room, so they can figure out what the common denominator is with all the disappearees. He starts with the easy stuff.

And by “easy”, I mean the super-special racism Tyrest subscribed to.

If you’ve read Eugenesis, you know that Nightbeat was also part of the first wave of cold-constructed bodies there. However, the general populace wasn’t nearly as chill about it as they were in IDW. Also, Wheeljack was his dad. No word on if that particular tidbit made it into IDW lore.

It’s at this point that we learn about M.T.O.s- made to order soldiers. They were cold-constructed ‘bots created en masse during the war in order to keep up with the demands for troops. Pretty fucked up, if you think about it, being born to die like that.

Now where have we heard that name before…

Chromedome, can your love life not be part of the plot for five minutes, my guy?

Nautica makes the honestly horrific claim that a lot of folks owe their existence to Megatron being a warmongering fuck, and even Megatron himself seems rather uncomfortable with the idea. Some thoughts we keep to ourselves, Nautica, even if they might be technically true. And even if Ammo wants to tack on his two cents on the matter.

What did they DO to you, Ammo? You’re supposed to be hot! Where are my three-paragraphs of description as Hound stares slack jawed the entire time? I miss Polyhex Wars.

Anyway, it’s Megatron’s turn to get poked with the questioning stick, and he’s not having it. He claims that by revealing his mode of creation, he’s risking a repeat of Functionist ideology. This would be valid, if people weren’t literally disappearing without any sort of explanation as to why. As it is, he’s being a stubborn asshole, but I guess he didn’t get his reputation by being a decent person who knew when to back down, now did he?

It’s at this point that Ratchet remembers he knows all the info Nightbeat’s looking for, and the conversation on Megatron’s birth is shelved for another day. I’m sure it won’t be a major plot point later, not in the slightest.

As it turns out, Nightbeat’s theory doesn’t hold water, and folks are still popping out of existence. We get another splash page, this time with everyone’s mode of creation listed under their names, and we move on to other theories about what the fuck is going on. While Nightbeat has a minor crisis over what the answer could possibly be, the MTOs in the group reminisce on the Ten-Step Program, a series of tests they were put through to make sure they worked well enough to get handed a gun and shoved out the door. Riptide wasn’t a fan.

Riptide has more wood panelling than a 70’s-style ranch house, and I think that’s very brave of him.

It’s at this point that Ratchet remembers it’s been quite a bit since he last shat on religion, and takes the time to do so while informing the reader about Information Creep. This is a concept we’ve seen mentioned previously, during Chromedome’s runaround in Overlord’s brain, but it’s here where we get the juicy implications.

Because memories can become corrupted in the brain due to extreme age, what ought to be objective fact has to be reinterpreted due to missing pieces. This is why nobody knows what the Knights of Cybertron got up to, or if they’re even actually real at all.

The lights go out again, and when they cut back on, Cyclonus is missing, leaving only his sword behind. Tailgate is extremely distraught by this, but Nightbeat gives not a fuck about Tailgate’s impending breakdown. He only cares about the truth!

And then a giant eyeball shows up.

It’s Ultra Magnus, coming to us live from his shuttle, via holomatter avatar! He shrinks down to a far more reasonable size, in a panel reminiscent of the first time IDW readers saw Megatron.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a neat parallel, I’m just… not terribly sure why it’s happening. One could say it reflects a reversal in power dynamics, but that theory gets tossed out the window when you remember that this isn’t actually Verity. I suppose it’s just a cool little thing.

Because the comms aren’t working, Ultra Magnus has been forced to use this avatar to communicate with the folks in the Rod Pod. Megatron asks just what the hell is going on, but unfortunately Magnus isn’t sure either. Then his shuttle disappears, and it’s bye-bye grunge girl Magnus.

It’s at this point that Nightbeat decides it’s time to stop pussyfooting around and get serious. He tells Ratchet to throw HIPPA directly in the garbage and write down everything he knows about the Autobots who crewed the Lost Light. And he does mean everything, as we get the splash page again, this time with lots of neat info on our friends, including spark type.

Spark types will become plot-relevant in the storyline after this, but for now let’s focus on some weird gender essentialism that got slapped into the first print of this issue.

As we know very well by this point, Transformers as a franchise has a tumultuous relationship with the idea of women existing. You would think that the awkward introduction of other genders we got in “Dark Cybertron” would have been the end of things being weird in IDW. However, you would be wrong.

In an effort to explain why genders exist, Roberts had the idea to make it spark-based. Nautica, in the solo print of this issue, has an estriol-positive spark. Estriol is a type of estrogen, which is the hormone that develops and maintains feminine secondary sex characteristics, when present in certain levels, in conjunction with other hormones. Biology

This “spark = gender” idea is, generally speaking, not a great idea to be presenting us with, especially when the writer is a cishet male, because it implies biological essentialism- the idea that a personality trait/quality of a person is innate and predetermined by their biology, as opposed to social, cultural, or individual experiences. Because this story doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it’s irresponsible to reduce the experience of being a woman to a single, physical, unchangable asset, especially when all other assets of the same class have zero effect on one’s gender identity. You don’t exactly see many nonbinary robots running around, now do you? And there are definitely more than two spark types, despite the Transformers as a species being... very binary.

It also makes female Transformers into an “other”, which is a problem that has existed from the very start of the franchise, in some form or fashion, and really doesn’t need to be perpetrated anymore than it already is.

The estriol spark type was removed in the trade edition, and Roberts has expressed regrets over its inclusion, having realized that it was potentially offensive.

Getting back to the story, Swerve, Tailgate, and Ratchet have disappeared, though Ratchet seems to have left his hands behind. His stolen, Pharma-original hands.

That’s still fucked up to me. I don’t think it’ll ever not be fucked up.

Riptide reveals the reason that he wasn’t in Season One of MTMTE was because when he went back to grab a receipt for the ship two years prior, he’d discovered that the original owners were worshipers of Mortilus, Cybertronian god of death, and knew about the nasty little problem that was the sparkeater from the first storyline. When Riptide went to confront them about it, they beat him up so bad he was unconscious for two solid days.

Which is a long-ass time to be unconscious. That might have been a coma, Riptide. Jesus, I hope someone got him to a hospital after this beatdown happened, or at least scraped him off the floor.

With this last piece of the puzzle, we finally have the common denominator in this big ol’ mystery. Everyone who disappeared was on the Lost Light when it took off from Cybertron in issue #1, and everyone left behind- Skids, Getaway, Nightbeat, Nautica, Megatron, and Ravage- didn’t join until afterwords.

Of course, having the answer doesn’t do us much good when everyone is still missing, and Megatron seems to agree with me, because he’s about to throw hands, when Nautica lets them know that they’ve arrived at the rendezvous. Problem is, so has something else.

...

I’m sure it’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiine!

[nightcoremoon]

I just realized that none of the female characters in dark souls are sexualized

anastacia's a priestess in a full cloak

rhea's a priestess in a full cloak

the undead merchant is just a normal lady who really likes moss

the butchers are just big ladies who chop meat and trespassers

mildred runs around the toxic swamp in a loincloth, sure, but with a bag over her head and a giant fuckhuge axe

quelana is a flame wizard in a full cloak

quelaag is naked yeah but she's also a fucking hideous spider monster with a huge ass fire sword and it's not like she's being sexy or anything she's just like, yo get the fuck out of my city and leave my sister alone or I'll fucking kill you

her sister is naked yeah but she's also a fucking hideous spider monster surrounded by a billion curse rotted eggs

alvina is... literally a cat

beatrice is a witch in a full cloak

the darkmoon knightess is a warrior in full armor

the balder darkmoon knight is probably a girl and the armor is a crop top and booty shorts but every single other balder knight dresses exactly the same way

gwynevere has big bazongas but her manner is more maternal and/or benevolent older sistery than sexy, plus miyazaki had her designed to be flat chested and kept getting mad at all of the games artists for making her amazing chest ahead even bigger despite him saying bro stop it, PLUS that's not even the real gwynevere because that's an illusion created by gwyndolin who may I point out is her older brother

gwyndolin is a boy who was raised as a girl because of his affinity for moon magic and I'm just assuming this is a localization thing so even though he has bigger tits by ratio than gwynevere he does not belong on this list no matter how many gross transfetishist men say so

priscilla is a dragon monster just minding her own business inside her painting, in a full fur coat that might actually be her scaled but idk

sieglinde's a warrior in full armor

dusk is a princess in a full cloak

elizabeth is literally a mushroom

ciaran is a warrior in full armor

the fire keepers wear full cloaks

shanalotte wears a full cloak

shalquoir is literally a cat

melentia is just a nomadic merchant

licia is a fucking cunt priestess in a full cloak

lucatiel is a knight in full armor

rosabeth wears whatever the fuck you give her

chloanne wears a dress with cleavage wow gasp I can't believe a wimminz would dare to have mammary glands

ornifex... okay admittedly she has a thick juicy ass but she's also a weird harpy demon thing

nashandra is a normal queen in a dress terrifying scythe wielding demon monster

the milfanitos (yes that is what they are called) are just perfectly normal humans in dresses

elana is another terrifying scythe wielding demon monster

alsanna wears a full normal dress

bellclaire, felicia, melinda, roenna, the dozen other female NPC phantoms not on the wiki, as far as I can remember they're all just ladies in armor with big weapons

the maiden in black, the hunter's doll, the fire keeper, anri, lady maria, nothing I can think of is even remotely on the side of explicitly sexualized

except maybe for the desert sorceresses but I can hardly blame miyazaki for anything in ds2 now can I?

honestly the most sexual thing in any of the souls games is the pisacas since they're literally just giant blue vagina-shaped blob monsters, the chaos eaters who literally vore you, aldrich voring gwyndolin, MiB's dirty feet, all the weird gross totally not sexual things that the internet has ruined in the past 20 years.

well and the dancer of the boreal valley but I mean that hardly counts, she's like the fuckin beldam from coraline but with giant swords. just because she's got cake doesn't mean it's unwholesome.

I've been playing so many souls games that I kind of forgot just how creepy and male gazey everything in the video game industry is. just look at kerrigan's ass, miranda's ass, tracer's ass, quiet's square inch of covered skin "for plot reasons", 2B's ass, there's just ass ass ass fucking everywhere. I mean I like hot girl ass, who doesn't? but holy shit can we have some more respect for the girls themselves and love them as humans with drive, desire, ambition, agency, and assets that don't have anything to do with what body parts they have? I know my boy hidetaka has shown that it's very possible.

[melanielocke]

Lost in the Shadows - Chapter 19

AO3

Taglist: @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised

Previous Chapter: Chapter 18

Next Chapter: Chapter 20

Cordelia and Lucie returned to the lake when Cordelia was finally done training. She looked forward to going for a swim and cool down a little, training all afternoon in the heat might not have been the best idea ever, and she understood Lucie had given up on practicing magic sooner. She had no idea how exhausting it was to open a portal. It looked like Lucie simply asking for favors, but Cordelia expected it was exhausting in its own way, different from swinging a sword. The last time she’d even seen shadows gather around Lucie, although she didn’t think Lucie herself had seen anything. It made Cordelia wonder how her magic worked. Did the darkness come from inside of her? Or did it come from everywhere, finding its way to Lucie? And could it be dangerous? What if such power corrupted people?

It wasn’t that surprising magic tired her though. Alastair’s ability could exhaust him too. As far as Cordelia knew he was always tired, and she wondered if his memory had anything to do with that.

Alastair and Thomas were already there, they’d swum all the way to the island. Cordelia didn’t think Alastair had swum in some time. Cordelia hadn’t either before coming here, mostly because she had struggled so much with finding swimwear she liked that also fit. Boys had it easy when it came to finding swimwear, she thought to herself. All they needed was find a pair of swim shorts that fit around their waist, whereas Cordelia needed a top that fit properly and a bottom that was high waisted enough for her to feel comfortable. She knew it was stupid, but she didn’t like wearing something that bared her stomach. She did enjoy swimming though, now that she could.

They returned just in time for dinner, and Lucie changed into her lounge clothes, which consisted of a very large and long Green Day shirt she wore as a dress, tucked in the waist with a black lint she’d tied into a bow at her side.

‘I’d been wondering where that shirt had gone,’ Thomas said when he saw her.

Cordelia loved that Lucie could look so good in a shirt that apparently belonged to Thomas and was supposed to fit him.

‘I think I asked you if I could borrow it,’ Lucie said.

‘I don’t remember that,’ Thomas said.

‘It was several months ago, so that could be why you don’t remember.’

‘Are you going to give it back at some point?’ Thomas asked.

Lucie shrugged. ‘Maybe,’ she said.

Thomas sighed. ‘At least Barbara has a boyfriend she can steal clothes from now. Sometimes I feel like my closet is a free for all.’

Cordelia didn’t think Alastair was the type to steal Thomas’ clothes, he always dressed in well fitting clothes, eager to impress. She guessed Thomas’ shirts and sweaters had to be comfortable, but Cordelia didn’t like to wear clothes that were baggy and oversized. Cordelia always felt like they made her look much bigger, and being both muscular and chubby had caused some issues with her body image.

Thomas returned to his parents after dinner, and Alastair went to his room. Cordelia followed him upstairs while Lucie was writing. She’d been meaning to talk to him.

Alastair was cleaning up in his room. She didn’t think it could get any cleaner, yet here Alastair was, carefully rearranging his bed.

‘Did you want to ask something?’ he asked without looking up from changing the bed sheets.

‘I did, can I come in?’

‘Sure, but give me a moment to finish this. Thomas is coming to sleep over tonight,’ Alastair said, ‘I figured I’d change the bed sheets and add an extra pillow.’

‘That’s sweet of him,’ Cordelia said.

‘It is. Thomas said he wanted to protect me from nightmares. I don’t think that’ll work but I’m learning to feel safe around him.’

Cordelia knew to Alastair, a sense of safety was hard to come by. He’d been unsafe for so long he struggled to recognize when he was safe and loved. They’d been working on that together, Cordelia trying to figure out the best ways to support him and make him feel safe, ways to help him through flashbacks and panic attacks. It had taken some time, but Alastair had slowly started trusting her with his feelings.

‘What did you want to talk about?’ Alastair asked.

‘I think I’m in love with Lucie,’ she confessed.

Cordelia had been close to Lucie for a long time, she struggled to tell the difference between their friendship and falling in love, but lately she’d started to suspect what she felt was romantic love.

Alastair grinned. ‘Well, that means your taste in women is decidedly better than your taste in men. Do you think she likes you?’

‘I don’t know. I know she likes girls, but I’m not sure she likes me.’

‘Isn’t her story about you titled the Beautiful Cordelia?’ Alastair asked.

Cordelia tilted her head. ‘Yes, but I think that’s not so uncommon. I mean, she started writing that story when she was twelve and lots of twelve year old girls write main characters who are constantly described as being exceedingly beautiful and perfect and courageous.’

‘But aren’t many of those characters an idealized version of the author themselves?’ Alastair asked. ‘Lots of twelve year old girls are insecure about how they look and some write themselves as how they wished they looked.’

Cordelia had definitely been insecure, and she knew Alastair was still insecure about his dark features. She often made fun of his dyed blonde hair, which he’d thankfully died back to black, but she knew it was because Alastair was insecure about how he looked as a brown man. His hair was one of the few things about his appearance he could change.

Cordelia had too, she’d been insecure about her brown skin and dark eyes, she’d believed her red hair, a very uncommon feature for an Iranian girl, was the best part about her appearance. But Lucie’s story had dedicated pages to describing the beauty of Cordelia’s brown skin and dark eyes, and Cordelia had read many books written by women of color where girls were celebrated for their brown skin and dark hair and eyes. And she’d read books about fat or mid sized girls written by fat authors where their bodies were celebrated or just not that important in the long run, which had helped Cordelia feel less insecure about her body

‘Lots of twelve year old girls describe their main characters as so skinny people thought they had an eating disorder, but you know that although it’s written in a negative light, it’s supposed to be a compliment,’ Cordelia said. ‘You’re probably right, that the authors wanted to be thinner and therefore wrote their characters that way.’

At twelve, she’d gravitated towards stories with those main characters, because of her own insecurity. At that age she’d barely been able to read books with a fat main character. Of course, most fat girls in books back then hated themselves and could only have a happy ending after losing weight, but Cordelia suspected back then she would not have been able to appreciate books about fat girls loving themselves as she could now. Even though at twelve years old, Cordelia hadn’t even been fat.

‘But Lucie didn’t write an idealized version of herself,’ Alastair said. ‘She wrote about you.’

‘There was a side character called princess Lucinda, who was the fictional version of Lucie,’ Cordelia said. ‘But when it came to descriptions of how characters looked, Cordelia was always the most beautiful girl around and everyone fell in love with her at first sight. And I mean literally everyone.’

‘The obvious explanation would be that she likes you,’ Alastair said.

‘She didn’t realize she liked girls until recently,’ Cordelia said. ‘She started writing the beautiful Cordeliayears ago.’

‘She might not have realized she liked you,’ Alastair said. ‘I’ve never read much from the story, but from what did read, I cannot think of another explanation for this.’

Cordelia had to admit her brother had a point. Still, she was nervous when she returned downstairs to Lucie, who was still writing. She looked up when Cordelia sat down next to her with a book.

‘I introduced Mabel,’ Lucie said. ‘Eloise just fell asleep and woke in the dreamworld, and is trying to figure out where she is and how to get out, and although she doesn’t trust or understand Mabel, they are forced to work together. And Mabel at this point thinks Eloise is just a conceited rich girl. So a bit like Pride and Prejudice.’

Cordelia wondered if she was anything like Mabel and if Eloise was anything like Lucie. Or perhaps the other way around, she wasn’t too familiar with either character yet.

‘I like Pride and Prejudice,’ Cordelia said. ‘So they go from being enemies to being in love?’

‘Not enemies in the sense that they’re on opposite sides or anything, but they do strongly dislike each other at first, which will slowly develop to grudging respect to genuine respect to friendship to I would die for you. It’s a fun dynamic, but difficult to write and space out. And of course Eloise is in the dreamland the whole time, whereas Mabel is only there at night when she’s sleeping.’

‘So, if Mabel can talk to Eloise while they’re asleep and she also wakes up into the real world, could she serve as a line of communication between Eloise and her family?’ Cordelia asked.

Lucie’s eyes lit up. ‘Of course, that’s an excellent idea. Now the first time Mabel visits Eloise’ house, her family doesn’t listen to Mabel, which reinforces her negative beliefs about Eloise, but eventually she gives in and tries again and tells them something only Eloise could have told her and then the family does begin to trust her.’

‘How exhausted does Mabel get from all this?’ Cordelia said. ‘Since she gets to adventure in her sleep?’

‘Well, the adventuring in her sleep does count as sleep,’ Lucie said. ‘But you have a point, it would probably be less restful than normal sleep. Perhaps Eloise’s family can take her in and provide for her family so she can get enough rest to visit the dreamland.’

‘What do your characters look like?’ Cordelia asked. ‘I’m thinking about drawing them for you.’

Cordelia hadn’t drawn in some time, but had brought some art supplies with her. She wasn’t particularly talented, but decent when it came to drawing Lucie’s characters, although she still struggled with drawing men.

‘Oh that would be fantastic,’ Lucie said. ‘I always like to have something to visualize, but I can’t draw a straight line. Alright, so Mabel is from a poor family, and works in a factory to support her family, so she’s going to look a bit dirty and stained. She has dirty blonde hair and brown eyes and freckles and is a little underweight because she struggles to feed herself and her mother and younger siblings.

Eloise on the other hand is from a wealthy family, although her mother was poor, and she wears fancier clothes like the dress Jessamine wears. She has dark brown hair and gray eyes and because she always had enough food and likes sweets, she is fat.

Maybe Mabel judges Eloise for her weight at first, because Mabel is poor herself but I’m thinking that might not go over well to a modern audience.’

Cordelia tilted her head. ‘Maybe not. But it’s nice to have a fat main character, I don’t think there are enough of those.’

Nor were there enough queer main characters, women of color main characters, the list could go on. Cordelia often wished she could see herself more in books, and Lucie understood that. Lucie often recommended her books based on what she was looking for.

‘Yes, exactly,’ Lucie said. ‘And it gives me an opportunity to write away any insecurities I have about gaining weight. One of the great benefits of stealing Thomas’ clothes is that it rarely happens that they suddenly don’t fit anymore.’

Lucie had told her she’d gained some weight over the past year, but as it had happened slowly, Cordelia found it difficult to tell the difference. She and Thomas used to have eating contests together, which was a bit of an odd hobby but both seemed to enjoy it, and Lucie was probably the only one who stood a chance against Thomas, but ever since gaining weight she’d gotten too insecure about it.

Cordelia thought Lucie would look good at any size, and hated how being taught to be insecure had made her give up on a weird but fun hobby.

‘That sounds like a good idea,’ Cordelia said. ‘I’m going to get my art supplies and get started.’

***

Alastair and Thomas were in Alastair’s bed together, in each other’s arms. It was nice, warm, comfortable, Thomas asking every now and then if it was still okay, if he wanted to be kissed, if certain parts of his body were alright for him to touch. Alastair didn’t think he’d ever get enough of this. Thomas’ arms were firm and strong and applied just enough pressure to his body to be comforting.

He was whispering to Thomas in Farsi, terms of endearments he had not imagined using for someone else after Charles.

‘What is it you’re saying?’ Thomas asked. ‘Is that Farsi?’

‘It is,’ Alastair said.

‘What were you saying?’ Thomas asked. ‘Lucie and I tried to learn Farsi for Cordelia, but so far we only learnt a few phrases and my accent is probably terrible.’

‘Likely,’ Alastair agreed, ‘but it’s nice that you’re learning. I could help you.’

Charles had never cared much for his language, or his culture. Of course, at the time Alastair had tried to distance himself from his heritage, all too aware how people treated him for it. He’d thought people would accept him better that way. After all, people often claimed foreigners should adapt to the dominant culture. He knew better now, and loved that Thomas showed an interest in the language.

‘That would be amazing. You are fluent, aren’t you?’

‘My mother mostly spoke Farsi with us at home, and aunt Risa still struggles with English. She understands everything you say, but cannot express herself well enough to feel comfortable, so we always speak Farsi with her. So I’d say Cordelia and I are fluent, yes.’

‘So, what were you just saying for me?’

‘Kharâbetam. I am ruined for you. Nooré cheshm-am. The light of my eyes. Ãtashé del-am. The fire of my heart.’

‘Wow. That all sounds so romantic,’ Thomas said.

‘Farsi endearments can be dramatic, but I like that,’ Alastair said.

‘I’ll try to learn some of those,’ Thomas promised. ‘Learning the language will undoubtedly be easier with a native speaker around.’

Thomas started kissing him again, wrapping his arms around Alastair, still checking if everything was alright. He threw in some terms of endearments of his own, phrases Alastair did not understand, but recognized as Spanish. He remembered Thomas saying his father often spoke Spanish around the house and Thomas was fluent himself. Alastair wasn’t sure what exactly Thomas was saying, but it sounded sweet.

He started to wonder if Thomas wanted to move things along. Part of Alastair wanted to, part of him was scared. Truth to be told, he wasn’t sure what he wanted, and he’d much rather follow Thomas’ lead.

He didn’t realize what was happening at first. Thomas, apparently, did long to move things along, and asked if it would be alright to take off some clothes. Alastair said yes, even if part of him was still scared. It would be fine, he told himself. This was Thomas, who loved him and would stop if Alastair asked him to.

And at first it was amazing. Alastair gently traced the stretch marks on Thomas’ back with his fingers. It must have been hard on the body, to grow so much in only a few years. Thomas used to be so small… He didn’t feel like it was going too fast, he was taking his time admiring Thomas.

And Thomas was still sweet as always, asking what was alright. Alastair said yes to everything. He wanted Thomas, wanted to find out what it could be like with someone who cared for him. But the more intimate their kissing, their exploring each other’s bodies became, the more Alastair was reminded of previous times he’d done this. Stop, he told himself. This wasn’t like it was with Charles. This was Thomas and he was sweet and perfect and would never do anything Alastair wasn’t comfortable with. But he fell back into the memory anyway. It wasn’t real, he told himself. He was here with Thomas, but he couldn’t feel Thomas anymore. Instead, he was with Charles, and he was scared and uncomfortable, but didn’t dare say anything because what if Charles would abandon him? It wasn’t real, he told himself. He’d done something wrong, he felt, Charles had been upset with him most of the evening and Alastair didn’t know why. He couldn’t figure what he’d done wrong, and at the time he’d thought it reasonable to make it up to Charles like this, pushing himself despite his fear and discomfort. Doing whatever he asked for because he’d clearly done something wrong and he wanted to show Charles he loved him. Now Alastair felt shame for allowing all this to happen. He felt Charles’ hands on him, and yelled at him to stop but it was a memory and in the past Alastair had never asked him to stop. There was nothing he could do now, nothing to change the past. In the distance, he heard a voice calling to him. It wasn’t real, he reminded himself. He wasn’t with Charles, he’d done nothing wrong, and he had nothing to make up for.

‘Alastair, are you alright?’

‘Get away from me!’ Alastair yelled and he wasn’t sure if it was directed at Thomas or Charles or both of them.

‘Alastair, what do you need me to do?’

Thomas sounded like he was freaking out, but he was still there. It wasn’t real, he reminded himself. Thomas was real. His bedroom was real. He felt something in his arms, something soft and hairy. He focused on that sensation, stroking the soft thing. Alastair had always had a fondness for soft things, his hedgehog, nice blankets. He loved how it felt under his fingers, how it could put him at ease to stroke his hand over something soft. It was his hedgehog, he realized. Thomas had found Mr. Prickly somewhere between the sheets and shoved it into his arms. It was something to focus on. He held Mr. Prickly against him, stroking it gently, focusing on the sensation underneath his fingers. This was real. He could see the hedgehog. Could see Thomas, asking him to breathe, talking to him.

‘Don’t panic,’ Alastair told Thomas as he sat upright, hedgehog in his lap.

Part of him was tempted to send Thomas away, to not let him see Alastair like this. He wanted to yell at him to get out of here and retreat into his protective shell, but what would be the point? Thomas had already seen the worst, nothing to be done about that now. Besides, it would be rude to expect Thomas to sleep on the couch or go back to his parents at this hour. This was a bad idea. He tried to breathe, keeping all his attention on Mr. Prickly. Perhaps he should give trust a try, he told himself. Perhaps he and Thomas could work through this. He knew it was unlikely, but Alastair forced himself to at least give it a try.

‘I’m not panicking,’ Thomas protested. ‘I just really didn’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt you.’

‘This was a good move though,’ Alastair said, cradling Mr. Prickly against him.

‘What happened?’ Thomas asked. ‘Did I do something wrong?’

Alastair sighed, how long until Thomas would give up? He wanted to take this further, he wanted to be able to have sex with Thomas without it reminding him of past times. He was older now, and although he was still scared he also wanted to have sex. And Thomas deserved it, deserved a partner who could satisfy him. Alastair wasn’t so sure he could.

‘It’s not you, eshgham,’ he said slowly. None of this was Thomas’ fault. It was his, for being too broken to be a good lover. ‘You know I have these flashbacks, right?’

‘Yes, I do. Did I do something to trigger a flashback?’

‘I didn’t realize it would happen,’ Alastair said. ‘I thought I was ready. I wanted to sleep with you. But then something reminded me of him, and I fell into a memory. I’m sorry.’

‘It’s nothing to be sorry for. I just don’t want to hurt you,’ Thomas said.

‘I do not always know what will happen,’ Alastair said. ‘One thing that helped me greatly in therapy is learning to identify triggers. Alcohol is an obvious one, of course. But because of Charles, intimacy is also difficult. I thought it would be alright. I was a little nervous, but I also really wanted it.’

‘It’s alright to wait,’ Thomas said. ‘As long as you need. We haven’t even been together that long, and I’m fine just cuddling. If that’s still alright. Honestly the idea of having sex makes me nervous too. You know, since I’ve never done it.’

Alastair could still see a hint of disappointment on Thomas’ face, but right now he just couldn’t. He was so tired, he didn’t think he’d ever feel rested again. He’d had a long day, he reminded himself.

‘You know what, maybe we should go outside,’ Thomas said.

Alastair frowned. ‘Outside?’

What did Thomas have in mind? Cuddling outside in the grass? Alastair imagined it would be cold.

‘I like watching the stars,’ Thomas admitted. ‘When I was young and so sick I had to stay in the hospital, Barbara gifted me some books by Stephen Hawking. Children’s books he’d written with his daughter, not the complicated ones. I had a bit of an obsession with the galaxy then because of these books. It’s very calming, so maybe it’ll help you.’

‘So, you want to watch the stars with me?’ Alastair asked.

‘I could point them all out to you,’ Thomas said. ‘If you like that, I mean. London is too light for stargazing, there’s nothing to see, but here that’s not the case and the sky is very clear tonight. Not a cloud to be seen. Unless you’d rather go to sleep?’

‘I’m not sure I’d be able to fall asleep right now.’

Alastair reluctantly followed Thomas. Will and Tessa were still downstairs, both reading as they often did.

‘We’re going to watch the stars,’ Thomas announced.

Will looked up from his book. ‘Well, enjoy. Don’t stay out too long, it’s cold outside.’

Will was right, it was cold outside. Alastair wished he’d worn something warmer than his pajamas. They sat down on the garden lounge set, Alastair finding a comfortable position sitting in between Thomas’ legs in front of him, laying back against his chest with Thomas’ arms around him. He was exhausted, flashbacks always did that even if he was still too alert to fall asleep. Perhaps after a while he’d doze off here, leaning against Thomas.

‘Do you know how to find the polar star?’ Thomas asked.

‘I’ve heard it had something to do with the bear constellation?’ Alastair asked.

He’d read about this ages ago, but stars had never been a particular interest of his even if he’d had many unusual interests in his youth. He’d read a few things here and there, but barely remembered anything.

‘Yes. That there’s the big bear.’

Alastair tried to look where Thomas was pointing, which was difficult, but he recognized the saucepan shape of the big bear constellation. He’d long been confused why it was called a bear when it clearly resembled a pan or a ladle more, but later he’d learnt there were actually more stars to the constellation, the pan shape was just the brightest.

‘Now you must follow the two stars at the side of the pan shape, into that direction and there’s ursa minor. Although ursa minor doesn’t really look like a bear, it just looks like a smaller version of the saucepan.’

Alastair had to look for a while, but he could find the constellation Thomas described.

‘Now, the end of the pan, that’s Polaris,’ Thomas said proudly. ‘True north. So, if you ever get lost at sea, you now know how to navigate.’

‘If I get lost at sea, I’d probably die of other causes first,’ Alastair said. ‘Dehydration would be the obvious choice.’

‘I guess that’s true. But if you’re lost at sea with a huge supply of water and food that won’t go to waste, then it might be nice to actually know how to navigate.’

‘You think that’ll happen?’ Alastair asked.

‘Oh, probably not,’ Thomas said. ‘But I’ve always liked the idea of finding my own true north. I’m actually planning to get a tattoo. I haven’t told anyone, I’ve been working up the courage to ask my parents.’

‘What kind?’ Alastair asked.

‘A compass,’ Thomas said. ‘But I was thinking of combining it with a flower, a rose I think. I have made a few sketches, I’ll show you someday.’

‘Where did you want to get it?’ Alastair asked.

‘Just here, on my arm.’

Thomas leaned a bit forward, against Alastair’s back, and showed him a spot on his wrist. Alastair mindlessly traced the spot with his fingers, and he could feel Thomas’ shiver beneath his touch. If a subtle touch on his arm could get such a reaction out of him, what would happen when Alastair was able to move things along and have sex with him? He felt another pang of guilt, at being unable to, at wanting to please his partner yet falling into a memory of a previous partner he’d been desperate to satisfy.

‘It’ll look amazing here,’ Alastair said. ‘Do you think your parents will not approve?’

‘Oh I’m thinking they will, they were supportive when Genie wanted to get her nose pierced at least. I know some parents can be absolutely horrified about their children getting tattoos and piercings.’

‘My mother would probably have a heart attack,’ Alastair agreed. ‘When I was fifteen, she caught me smoking in the windowsill. Let’s just say I did not dare smoke again. Which was probably for the best, because quitting now would have been harder than it was then.’

‘I remember you smoking just outside school,’ Thomas said. ‘Back then I thought it was attractive. Now I’m glad you quit, I really wouldn’t want you to get sick because of it.’

‘I wasn’t really occupied with that at fifteen,’ Alastair admitted. ‘I guess I figured I wouldn’t live long enough to get cancer from smoking anyway. But I also didn’t really have the money to keep buying cigarettes, so there’s that. Smoking is a very expensive pastime. And I could breathe much easier after I’d quit and had far better stamina.’

Alastair wasn’t even sure why he’d liked it back then. Part of it was to fit in, sure, but he’d also smoked at home, hanging out of the window so his room wouldn’t smell. Nowadays he found the scent of cigarettes disgusting and overwhelming and he couldn’t imagine ever smoking again.

Thomas pointed out several more stars and constellations for him. ‘That’s Orion,’ he said. ‘With the brightest star, Sirius. The dog star.’

‘Like in the Black family in Harry Potter,’ Alastair said. ‘Looks like a face with a crooked mouth.’

‘I think J.K. Rowling just pulled out a constellation map when she needed names for Black family members,’ Thomas said. ‘Do you like Harry Potter?’

‘I used to,’ Alastair said. ‘But that was before Rowling’s transphobia became widely known. I understand why some people still like the series and separate it from her, but I heavily associate them with the damage she did to trans people.’

‘Understandable,’ Thomas said. ‘Those books were a great comfort to me as a child. Besides the George’s secret key to the universe series.’

‘What was that about?’

‘Those are the space books I mentioned. It’s about a boy named George, whose new neighbor is a scientist with a daughter around his age. He grows closer to the girl and her father, and discovers he has a super computer that can create portals into space. And then there’s an evil former colleague of the scientist who wants to steal the computer. It was very entertaining, but also educational, explaining the universe and the stars and planets in a way that’s understandable for children. And when I could go back to school I told everyone I’d read a book by Stephen Hawking. Of course, at that age half the children had no idea who that was.’

‘That’s just adorable,’ Alastair grinned. ‘Was your teacher at least impressed?’

‘I think so. I think she did suspect I read his children’s books and not his more serious work, but I could tell the others everything about the stars.’

‘I’m getting very cold,’ Alastair said. ‘And sleepy. I could probably fall asleep right here if I wasn’t so cold.’

‘Oh, am I that comfortable?’

‘Don’t let it rise to your head. I’m going to bed, you coming?’

They returned upstairs, both Will and Tessa were still reading and Alastair wondered how long they would keep that up.

They both found a comfortable way to lie down in the bed, and Alastair found it reassuring that Thomas was still here, even if it was difficult to be near someone. Charles wouldn’t have stayed. Charles would not have helped him through a flashback. Charles would have scolded him for being so emotional and left him alone.

‘Good night,’ Thomas said.

‘Good night.’

Alastair slept peacefully that night. Perhaps it was Thomas, perhaps the hedgehog, or perhaps he was simply too tired to still have nightmares. He didn’t feel rested when he woke up the next morning, but he didn’t feel as tired as yesterday either. Thomas was still asleep, his mouth slightly open, clutching the blanket. Alastair was very glad Thomas didn’t snore. He was quiet in his sleep, breathing softly.

Alastair checked the time, six in the morning. What a useless time to wake up. No one else would be awake yet, but there was no point in going back to sleep either. He remained in bed, not exactly motivated to get out either. When would Thomas wake up? He was an early riser too, but six was a probably a bit too early. Miraculously he did fall asleep for a bit longer, with a hazy dream he did not remember when he woke up. Seven thirty, which meant he’d gotten another hour and a half of sleep.

Thomas woke around eight, and Alastair was still in bed, contemplating getting up to make breakfast.

‘Did you sleep well?’ Thomas asked, yawning.

‘Well enough,’ Alastair said. He didn’t usually fall back asleep after waking up around six, and had slept about as well as he could. He was still tired though, which didn’t surprise him after yesterday, and unmotivated to get out of bed.

‘I thought so. I woke at some point in the middle of the night and you seemed so peaceful.’

‘I have been told I am very still when I don’t have nightmares,’ Alastair said. ‘When Cordelia and I shared a room, she once thought I might be dead in the middle of the night when I was just sleeping.’

Of course, at the time Cordelia hadn’t quite understood his mental illness yet and feared he might be suicidal. She’s panicked and woken him up to make sure he wasn’t dead, and Alastair had assured her he had no intention of leaving her alone.

‘I didn’t think you were dead,’ Thomas said. ‘Just at peace for a change. So, do you feel rested?’

‘As I said, I never feel rested,’ Alastair said. ‘But I feel like I can face the day, and that’s good enough.’

‘Maybe someday,’ Thomas said. ‘I liked sleeping next to you and I do feel rested.’

Alastair groaned. ‘Of course you do. So, if you have an endless supply of energy for the day, you would have no issue making me breakfast.’

‘For sure,’ Thomas said to Alastair’s surprise and he got out of bed. ‘Do you want toast? ’

‘And coffee,’ Alastair said.

‘Maybe you would be less tired without the coffee,’ Thomas said.

Alastair frowned. ‘What are you talking about, coffee is what keeps me alive.’

‘Yes, but frequently drinking coffee builds tolerance. Drinking lots of coffee regularly won’t make you more energetic, it only makes you more tired when you don’t drink coffee.’

Alastair fell back onto the bed. ‘I still want coffee,’ he said, not willing to give in and admit Thomas was right.

‘Alright, coffee it is,’ Thomas said and he changed out of his pajamas.

Alastair took his time to admire the view until Thomas put on his shirt. He still found it hard to believe that this Thomas was the same small boy who’d followed him around years ago.

He didn’t get out of bed until Thomas returned to announce he’d made breakfast. Part of Alastair had still expected him to only make his own breakfast, but when Alastair was dressed and entered the kitchen, there was a cup of coffee and some toast with jam finished.

Thomas was sipping from a cup of English tea. ‘Do you want milk or sugar in your coffee?’

‘No,’ Alastair said. ‘I just drink it black.’

‘I’ve never liked coffee,’ Thomas said. ‘I think it tastes terrible.’

‘It does taste terrible. It’s supposed to be terrible. But at this point I’ve drunk so much coffee that I tolerate the taste. I need it for energy.’

‘I prefer tea myself.’

‘That’s not tea,’ Alastair said. ‘That’s an abomination.’

Thomas stared at him.

‘Wait until I introduce you to my mother,’ Alastair said. ‘She makes the best rose tea you’ve ever tasted. You’ll never drink that stuff again.’

‘Rose tea?’ Thomas said.

‘It is common in Iran to add rose petals when making tea. Tea is a very popular drink, and my mother is very precise on how she makes her tea,’ Alastair explained. ‘Just tell her you like her tea and she’ll adore you.’

‘That’s good to know,’ Thomas said before taking another sip of his English tea.

‘Risa is more critical though,’ Alastair added. ‘She might not be so impressed.’

When Cordelia had dated James, his mother had instantly adored James because he was polite and loved her tea. Risa had not been impressed at all and had not been afraid to let it show. All English people were polite after all and it was often only a façade. Alastair hoped she would treat Thomas better.

‘Maybe we should work on your Farsi before meeting Risa,’ Alastair added. ‘If you speak Farsi with her she’ll probably like you.’

‘That sounds promising,’ Thomas said.

‘You’re up early,’ said a sleepy voice.

Cordelia was still wearing her pajamas, her red hair tangled and messy.

‘As you well know, I’m always up early,’ Alastair said.

Cordelia nodded. ‘Are you ready to go find a selkie skin?’

[kangaroo-sniper-imagine]

-I went with a generally disapproving family-

The mercs encounter a protective family. THEY USE CHARM, it is ineffective!

Engineer

If your family is judgmental, they’ll have a hell of a time trying to find fault in Dell. I mean, he’s finely educated, has a well paying job (they don’t know WHAT you two do, they just know you could live comfortably), he’s a southern gentleman I mean, if you’re gonna bring ANY merc back home, it be him.

Dell is literally perfect. Even if your dad is like, nitpicky, trying to get a rise from him, Dell is basically the team’s dad, so he’s got patience in spades. Dell is the one in charge of putting Pyro to sleep, Dell fears no man

He brought a cake for god's sake

Scout

Jeremy is nervous at first when you mention that you have a big family, then remembers his family is probably way bigger than yours, and he’s a little less worried. Then he get worried again because Jeremy remembers he isn’t exactly, uhhh, great when it comes to making good impression

He spends most of the time by your side, stock still, sweating nervously. If he gets too nervous, he goes into his default maneuver to make people like him; which is talking about his family. It wins over your mom (cuz lets be real, boys who get along with their moms are less likely to suck)

Your father puts him through the ringer. If Jeremy wasn’t so used to being threatened daily, he probs would’ve fainted or some shit. But nope, he was stuck in that horrific limbo of fight or flight, better known as “freeze.” the poor baby’s gonna need you to stay by his side the whole time

Heavy

Mikhail isn’t normally intimidated, but you are so important to him that the thought of facing your family made him want to volunteer for one of Medic’s experiments.

(for the fun of it) Your father is taller and bigger than Mikhail; and oh fuck is russian homeboy shook/freaked. Misha is pretty stoic when he feels threatened, and he is soooo overwhelmed by your dad’s hardened glare

You and your mother enjoy yourselves as your father and boyfriend stare and glare silently the whole night. When the night is finally over and you and Misha are alone, he tells you your father terrifies him, and you tell him you dad told you that he liked Mikhail

Spy

(for story reasons…) Your father was your last surviving family member and he was hella protective over you. Jacque was completely content with never meeting your father if he could help it, but it was so important to you and he eventually caved.

You know those dad’s that are basically junkyard dogs to everyone except their kids? That's your dad. When you aren’t in the room, he will grill the shit out of Jacque. “What’s with the mask, what’s your income, if you ever hurt my daughter no one will ever find your body” sorta thing

Jacque is not easily scared, but holy fuck is your father one scary mofo when you’re involved. The Frenchman tries to reassure your dad that he wouldn’t ever hurt you, as you are one of the best things that's ever happened to him, your dad still acts rude and mean when you aren’t around. Jacque doesn’t tell you what you dad said, but he now he actively avoids meeting him again

Medic

Ludwig does not shake in the face of danger, he’s met the fricking devil, nothing frightens him. Then he met your mother, and OOOOOOH BOY. Ludwig thought HE was overprotective of you, but good god your mother!

Your mother wasn’t rude per say, but she was passive aggressive. Normally, our favorite mad surgeon would brag about losing his medical license, but now he artfully avoids that topic and instead focused on his accomplishments as a doctor and his achievements back in university. You mom doesn’t give a shit

After the visit Ludwig, for the first time in a long time, feels hella inadequate and struggles grappling with it. Even after explaining to him you mom does that to weed out the weak suitors

Sniper

Oooooooooof. Mick is good at reading people, and is good at clocking those with tough characters who’ll dislike him. For Mick….. No one in your family liked him. He could pick up on it immediately, all of your brothers, your sisters, your parents. The room was very tense

Mick was also very good at faking being nice and knows how to take snide comment after snide comment. He felt hella uncomfortable the whole time, but you loved your family, and your family loved you back, so he withstood it.

Mick gets that it’s your family’s defense mechanism, doesn’t mean he likes it. He’s happy there’s plenty of people to be there to defend and protect you, he just doesn't like that they want to protect you from him

Pyro

Don't bring Pyro to meet your family, that’s like asking for disaster.

Pyro picks up on bad vibes like its nothing and will act hostile if they are treated hostile

Also i can imagine any situation in which you could explain the gas mask

Soldier

Jane is extremely old fashioned and probably encouraged you to allowing him to meet your family. You couldn’t see a fault in his logic; if anything, your strict family might approve of the military-like man

HA! Thank god Jane, in regards to social situations, is a bit slow. He doesn’t get that your dad is subtly trying to threaten him or that your mother is questioning his loyalty. He genuinely thinks that your father wants to show him his new hunting rifle and that your mother questioned his loyalty to America

You were upset by your parent’s rudeness at first, but seeing Jane deflect it all turned it into a comedy show for you. He might not be the best person to bring home, but he has the best results

Demo

Can you say nervous? Tavish loves and respects the hell out of you, and all the other mercs seemed to understand that, but holy hell, your parents can’t seem to get it through their thick skulls.

Tavish is on his absolute best behavior. No drinking, no cigar smoking, no arguing with the sentient sword in his room for the last 24- hours to make sure he was calm and collected before meeting your folks; and yet your dad is still trying to start a fight with him even though you’re still in the room

He suffers through it, I mean Tavish has taken the killing blow for you over and over again on the battlefield so dealing with your folks should be small potatoes. His own mother is pretty rough with him, so your parents set him on edge but they don’t scare him away