#alternatively i know ive been hiding all day but also it would have been nice if any of them would have asked if im okay

[alxclaremont]

meh

[og-danny-dorito]

{ Some SFW Tamaki Headcanons For Your Daily Dose Of Somft™}

OKAY hi hello, I know I've been gone for a while but I'm kinda back now since ive had a burst of inspiration lately for no reason in particular. This is partially cause I actually just finished watching BNHA and good lord, let me tell you bro- I have WAY too many thoughts about this dude for it to be a normal infatuation so here we go! -w-;

- FIRST of all, I'm like 90% sure this dude listens to like really soft cute music like Lofi remixes or those rlly cute anime openings that give off Soft Boy vibes???

- he's like a soft person in general already so its kindof a given. he really likes pastel colors a whole lot for that reason cause they're more muted and subtle and aren't completely overbearing

- he actually owns like, 40 oversized pastel sweaters with various prints and designs on them for that reason. that and oversized soft sweaters are year-round

- most of his clothes are kinda oversized though?? like if you've watched the anime and can see how his shirt fits him I'm like 90% sure it's like a size bigger than it should be (his natural size is a medium in men's, I'm assuming, since he's like canonically 5'9" and not really muscular). his hero costume is also a little bigger than it should be in some areas and it fits around him like a big blanket

- there are MULTIPLE reasons for this imo, but the main two are that he's A) self conscious and therefore less confident in things that fit him better, and B) likes feeling like things aren't constricting him like tight shirts do

- on the self-conscious point, he already has issues with about like 500 other things that concern himself, so why not physical???

- let me explain- his form is naturally slim, which means that he hasn't really ever been as physically muscular as the other heroes (mostly cause his quirk burns up most of his calories and he has a naturally fast metabolism), and is consistently reminded of it

- he doesn't want other people to think of him as less or weaker in the general public because he doesn't look as physically strong as the other heroes, so he wears clothes that aren't very form fitting to hide this fact and therefore avoid the possibility of criticism of is physical features

- also, you're on tumblr, the land of people who are or have been physically self conscious for whatever reason, so it's pretty safe to assume that you've worn/wear oversized clothing. do you know how comfy they are??? it's like being wrapped in a formless blanket that makes it feel as if you arent able to be subject to criticism from others. it's literally the BEST

- his closet really just consists of things that are bigger than him really, but he does have some skinny jeans and a few formal outfits that fit him properly. his figure is actually kind of cute in a way since he's more on the slim/muscular side but if you EVER tell him he looks handsome in something that's more fitting than he ususally wears he will have a slightly boosted self confidence but amplified anxiety, no exceptions

- but he doesnt really like receiving compliments to be honest, and there's a few reasons for that

- as a kid not many people talked to him so he would occasionally be subject to being outcast by others. as a child he knew that when the teachers were being too nice to him by complimenting his work or talking too him too much that it was out of pity. he felt like he was being patronized out of personal obligation to be inclusive and not in personal interest, so he still has some remnants of that mentality due to having grow up with that

- being given a serious and genuine compliment isn't something he's used to and quite frankly he might be a little uncomfortable if he doesn't know you very well

- if, however, he knows you well and trusts that your comments aren't out of spite or ill-intent, his face usually turns a bright shade of red as he either A) stutters out a nervous thank you or B) hides his face in his hands and refuses to say anything until it's subsided

- he'll usually try to compliment you back, even though its hard to hear over his incredibly soft voice. it's usually something about how nice you are or how he doesn't understand how someone like you can think that way about him, but he secretly really likes feeling like someone cares and appreciates him

- speaking of soft voices, I'm almost entirely convinced that he can sing. since he doesn't really go out with friends in his spare time since he basically only has two close ones, he usually either trains or, alternatively, sings

- its more of a subconscious thing to him to sing along when his favorite song is on, but he only does it when he's alone. the thing is that he thinks his voice is horrible since he hasn't had any extensive formal education in music and generally doesn't try that much to refine his skills manually but his singing voice is like, literally angelic

- seriously, if you get this man to sing 'Heather' by Conan Grey its like listening to some sort of ethereal being trying to lull you to sleep

- its not like he'd ever do this in public because of his anxiety and insecurities, but asking him nicely and swearing you won't tell anyone about it usually gets him to do it, albeit kinds shyly at first. it takes some working up to really, from him nervously singing gently to a song while his back is turned to you to just starting to hum along to songs by habit while you're around

- the only time he really does it to his own violation can be when you're sick (he cant say no to someone who's injured, it makes him feel terrible), when you're about to fall asleep, or even when he forgets that he's around other people and is doing some sort of chore or task around the house

- mentioning it to others makes him even more embarrassed than physically possible, and he usually covers his ears to mask the sounds of your praise about him. he hates drawing attention to himself and simply cannot Deal™ with the compliments he's receiving

- this is amplified if you're in a romantic relationship with him since, lets be completely honest here, he's literally never been in a relationship before

- I mean like, if that one girl who was with him for a week in 5th grade counts for anything, then I guess he's been in one before but other than that he has no experience

- how does he accept compliments? how do you genuinely love him?? should he dress better when around you???? oh god, do you secretly hate a bunch of things about him and only like him because he's a good hero????

- there's literal pages in his search history dedicated to is panicked questioning about what he should do if you haven't told him you love him in more than a week, what he should do if he accidentally calls you the wrong name while making out/having sex, when it's acceptable to talk about getting a plant together without seeming like he wants to get married in that instant, etc.

- for this it doesn't matter whether or not you're experienced since its good both ways! someone who isn't experienced could help ease his nerves a bit since hey, you might not really know what you're doing ether, so you're both gonna mess up. if you're a little more experienced then you can help show him the ropes and probably might help him improve in future relationships if you ever decide you don't want him anymore. both win-win situations basically

-  it also doesn't really matter if you're male, female, or anything else since he's demisexual panromantic. your personality is basically the most important aspect to him, even though he still thinks you have the face of a god/goddess

- the first few weeks of the relationship are basically him figuring out when its okay to touch you and/or ask for you to touch him since he doesn't want to scare you off with how affectionate he can be

- and when I say affectionate, I mean like a full out cuddle-bug

- Tamaki is straight up touch starved so like jot that down. like high key he really didn't have much physical affection as a child and even now can’t really figure out how to do it since he doesn't have any experience with it. he still craves physical affection though, and consistently

- a good way to tell that he wants affection is that he sticks a little bit closer to you during the day. not exactly under your feet, but still in your space when he knows its appropriate. usually just giving him a long hug or hdoling his hand in private helps to alleviate it a little bit, but his favorite way to get affection is to sit down and either sit in your lap or have you sit in his lap

- the reason I say private though is because PDA makes him nervous. it already kinda draws attention to the two of you since the act of PDA is basically outing a relationship on display and that alone makes him nervous, so he usually avoids it unless its in a barely populated park, a quiet cafe, etc.

- so in public he's probably gonna stick close but not outwardly hold your hand by himself, but behind closed doors he's basically hanging on you wherever and however he can

- can you really blame him for liking you as much as you do? I mean you're patient with him, you genuinely like him, and you're so sweet that he doesn't even know what to do with himself. that, and you're super fascinating to observe

- not,,,- he doesn't mean that in a creepy way I swear. he means it like- he means that he likes watching you work because the way you move around catches his interest. part of his training is observing others and he already does it a lot due to being more of that type of person by default, so he can tell a lot about you just by watching you do simple tasks such as cleaning the floor or doing some work you need to get done

- his observance makes him a great partner when it comes to remembering small things about you like your favorite color, how you do your hair in the mornings, what your favorite band(s) is/are, and more! expect him to bring you small gifts that reminded him of you because of something you said four months ago at a very specific time and a very specific date and a very specific location

- this applies to anyone that he really knows or pays special attention to really, but you're one of those people that he subconsciously has encyclopedic knowledge of because he thinks about you so much all the time

- anyway, we're getting to the end so lets get to my favorite part of the list- miscellaneous headcanons! :

he really likes Conan Grey and Lofi remixes of songs that he likes since they're more on the calming side and less intense and help his nerves go down if he's feeling anxious

when he does get severely anxious he curls into a ball and pulls at his ears and cries. he's unresponsive for this time but usually just letting him calm down after a little bit on his own or telling him softly to listen to you helps

he likes insectariums a while lot, specifically the butterfly rooms where you can walk through and let them fly around you. for some reason they tend to be more prone to lighting on him than anyone else, even though he only really wears dark colors and doesn't make an effort to get them around him

he has some purple fairy lights set up above his bed in his room that look like glowing butterflies cause he thought they were cute

he's incredibly good at cooking complex and simple dishes since he usually has to eat large amounts of certain things for his ability, and almost always cooks for the two of you if you're staying long enough to eat with him. he's arguably one of the best home-taught chefs at UA besides Bakugo even though they specialize i different areas of cooking basically

- well, it looks like thats the end for this list! Tamaki is such a sweet dude, really. being his friend or lover is like having a cheerleader, an endlessly loyal supporter, and an eternally loving partner (and more) all rolled into one. once you've been nice to him like once he's automatically favoring you over others. it may be hard to try to help him get more comfortable with the things he's anxious with, but he's a fast learner and if it makes you happy it makes him happy too

- Be careful with him, and you've got a friend for life!

[ ~Thank You For Reading, and if you think I missed anything please let me know in the notes or in my inbox. Any feedback is heavily appreciated!~ ]

[ad1thi]

2020 fic recs!! [Part 1]

this idea was stolen from @iam93percentstardust cuz i just,,,thought that this year was absolute shit and it would be nice to make a fic rec list of fics from this year that helped me through it. this will be over a range of fandoms and ships, but all fics were written this year. 

fics are ordered by the month they were published. ive tried to keep to five fics per month, but this is not obviously all the fics ive read that month - i just didn’t want to make this insanely long. 

im releasing the first half of this on the 1st of December, and the second half on the 1st of January 2021 - because otherwise it would just get so long (and also so i will actually have fics for December)

happy reading!! hopefully you find fics on this you haven’t read yet

***

January

The cat is mighty dignified (until the dog comes by): @five-wow

Steve and Danny find them on the pillow in the corner of the dining area, where Eddie is on his side, ass half on the floor because the pillow is more cat-sized than lab-sized, and Pickles is nestled between Eddie’s front legs, essentially being spooned and looking very I-got-the-cream about it. Pickles’ head is tucked into the crook of Eddie’s neck and Eddie’s head slots perfectly on top of Mr. Pickles’, like a furry jigsaw puzzle.

“They’re cuddling,” Steve points out, unnecessarily.

Or: There is a love story unfolding under the McGarrett roof.

Captain ‘Socialist Rage Muffin’ America: @baffledkingcomposinghallelujah

It takes three months of dating Steve Rogers for Tony to understand why Aunt Peggy once shot at him in sheer frustration.

Alternately titled, Honey, I committed treason again.

The Best Laid Plans (Of Mice and Men): @arboreal-elm-ash-oak

His Dark Materials AU

It was Annalise who noticed their small visitor first.

“Tony,” the spider daemon said softly, skittering up the collar of his dress shirt, two of her eight legs resting delicately against his cheek, “Don’t startle them, but I believe we have a guest. Look, by the coffee table.”

Fourteen Million to One: @tunastorks

Six months after Thanos, six months after Tony’s death, six months after Steve returns to his own timeline, Tony Stark turns up on their doorstep.

Brewed Awakening: @iam93percentstardust

Two years after he comes out of the ice, Steve is drifting through life. On his teammate's recommendation, he decides to go back to school where he meets the grandson of an old friend. He finds happiness with Tony but Steve won't be in Boston forever and someone is out to hurt the Starks. Will Steve and Tony be able to reach their happily ever after?

February

the young, the reckless and the foolish: @bruciewayne

In most universes, they don't know each other, not in the slightest, or they hate each other, in a way that's perfectly logical for anyone who were to find themselves in a similar situation.

In this one, they've known each other since they were four years old and naively idealistic.

This is them over the years, against the odds.

a giant sign: @areiton

“Think you can get him to open the weapons division up again?” his CO asks, his voice hungry and Rhodey laughs because this--

“No. Tony hung up his weapons.”

“That’s not what the suit says,” his CO objects, and Rhodey shrugs.

Tony has always had rules, rules he expects the entire world to live by.

And then there was Rhodey, slipping under them.

my heart is driftwood, floating down your coast: @nethandrake

Tonight, there’s a stranger in his backseat. That’s not unusual.

He’s also sad. That’s not unusual either.

What is unusual is that the stranger is silent.

(One night, a stranger enters Steve's taxi. Nothing is the same again.)

Just A Cold: @/delighted 

There’s a new text waiting for him. It’s from Steve of course, and it’s vaguely threatening as most messages from Steve are these days. Still Danny ignores it, and now he’s really playing with fire. Maybe it’ll burn the cold out of him.

Or, Danny’s sick, and Steve can’t stay away. The usual comfort fluff. With a little cameo from a gently meddling Grace.

An Unexpected Guide: @/Rachel500

Danny Williams has hidden his Guide status to keep being a detective, but his time of hiding is up when he unexpectedly finds his Sentinel, Steve McGarrett in the midst of a tragedy.

March

Why don’t we (Collide the spaces that divide us): @five-wow

When they finally catch sight of each other again through the milling crowds, they’re both a little worse for wear. Danny’s left side is covered in glitter and every time he brushes a hand over his hair, more blue and purple confetti rains down. Steve is- Well, Steve is randomly shirtless, which is all things considered not excessively remarkable, but he’s also covered in smudges of colorful paint and has a very nicely printed bloodred lipstick kiss mark on his cheek.

“What did you do?” Danny asks, because it looks like Steve had a lot more fun than he did.

Or: Steve and Danny accidentally end up in the middle of something entirely new.

A Little Unsteady: @finduilasclln 

Written for the Tumblr prompt meme : "Hey! I was gonna eat that!"

Tony lashes out at Bucky for eating his dessert. Only, it really isn't about the dessert.

a national treasure: @starklysteve

Steve isn't looking for an apple and Tony decides his passion is to inspire young souls. -x- OR: the AU where Tony is a Youtuber and Steve is Captain America and somehow they still save the world together.

April

cycle through: @ambivalentmarvel

Twenty-five years ago, Tony Stark disappeared from his family home a month after the tragic deaths of his parents, Howard and Maria Stark, leaving a billion-dollar tech conglomerate without an heir and the world wondering what happened.

Twenty-three years ago, HYDRA gained another super soldier.

Ten years ago, Peter Parker’s parents died in what is ruled as a home invasion gone wrong but he knows was murder, plain and simple, because he spoke to the killer.

And in the present, Project Insight fails, and the Iron Soldier pays the price.

FOREVER-LOVE YOU-I: @/Eudoxia

Tony Stark is twenty-one when he loses his voice. It shouldn't matter, but in a world where the first words your Soulmate says to you are marked on your skin, it can be pretty damn annoying.

Especially for Tony's soulmate.

--

Companion piece to my fic Thumb, Index, and Pinky Extended. This is Steve's POV, with a few extra scenes, as a treat.

(Edit: Sorry if you guys get multiple notifications for this. I just realized (about two hours after posting it) that I fucked up the grammar in the title and I HAD to fix it. YOLO, I guess.)

come build a home out of me: @maguna-stxrk

Steve clears his throat.

“What if I went with you?” he asks nonchalantly, like his heart isn’t threatening to beat out of his ribcage.

Tony blinks a few times, looking at Steve, his mouth ajar. “As a— As my date?”

“Yeah.” Steve nods, feeling a little breathless.

“You don’t mind?” Tony furrows his eyebrows.

“I don’t. In fact, you can just tell them I’m your boyfriend. I’m sure they’ll back off, wouldn’t they?”

What.

“I— Huh?” Tony stares at him, brown eyes blown wide open.

What. What. What.

“Huh? Uh, I mean— You know, that way people will see that you have definitely moved on. Monica will see that you have moved on. Right?” Steve smiles, hoping that it masks his inner panic, because what?

Steve Rogers, what have you done?

i don’t have a choice (but i’d still choose you): @nethandrake

There’s a name inked onto his chest, a name written in an all-too familiar scrawl. And it’s— It’s—

Steve doesn’t realize his body is quaking until he’s tracing the tattoo with a shaky finger.

Because of course that is the name etched into the skin. Like a brand, a reminder for everything he has done. An appropriate retribution.

Anthony Edward Stark.

(When Thanos snaps half of the universe away, he unknowingly leaves the other half with soulmarks.)

ua haʻalele ʻoe iaʻu (a ua hoʻomālamalama ʻoe iaʻu): @just-fandomthings

"The truth is, I was shot in the chest and nearly died, and not even three days after I was released from the hospital, you up and left-- and of those two, I'm not sure which one hurt me worse!"

(Coda to 10x22 because come on, we all need a better ending than the one given to us.)

Title loosely translates to: "You left me in the dark (you lit me up)" -- inspired by the brilliant song "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur

May

A Piece Of The Past: @hddnone

It had been so many years since Bucky had gone undercover in the Stark family's mob, he thought he'd gotten away clean.

Then Tony Stark slid into the seat across from him at his breakfast diner, and Bucky's boss has a new case for him.

the privilege of loving you: @starklysteve

“Why won’t you let me touch you?”

It’s a desperate plea, half-shouted and half-whispered, Steve’s voice cracking at the end. Tony stops in his tracks, halfway to the stairs. He doesn’t dare to turn back, and he really doesn’t want to fight, or to leave, to spend the last month of his life away from his husband and their son. But Steve can’t know, can he?

-x-

Or: Tony has palladium poisoning, but he doesn't tell Steve and Peter

your pillow feels so soft now (but still you must advance): @firebrands

When Bruce is 13, he decides to go to boarding school. It's an opportunity for him to learn about other people, and how to interact with them.

Bruce has the misfortune of meeting Tony Stark upon his arrival in Roxbury. Bruce is moving into his room, and Tony opens the door of his room to watch. He looks a bit younger than Bruce, hair wild and eyes bright. Bruce has never seen a boy like him before—handsome and confident.

Bruce doesn’t like it.

IMPORTANT: This fic has them meeting at 14, then progresses slowly until they’re 17. Includes underage drinking and kissing.

This is set before Bruce becomes Batman and Tony becomes Iron Man and I have no explanation as to how or why they just DO Canonically, Bruce is 17 when he finishes school and goes around the world to train, so we're sticking with that

The Real MVP: @sword-and-stars (part of a series)

[“I have saved this Tuesday!” Sokka announces, rattling the bag upon reentry.

Zuko doesn’t even look up from his phone as he deadpans, “It’s Thursday.”

Okay, so Sokka is still having trouble getting his days right without checking. At least he’s gone back to sleeping at night! Going to bed at night is way easier when you have a cute, cuddly boyfriend who starts falling asleep around eleven o’clock. It also helps that he and Zuko are on solid gold butt-touching terms.

It’s been a while since Sokka has been on butt-touching terms with someone and it’s amazing.]

Or,

Sokka knows a guy, gets laid, and introduces Zuko to the merits of an afternoon delight.

When is a bed not a bed? (When you’re not in it): @riotwritesthings

There’s a tiny safe house, with one tiny window and one tiny couch.

And one tiny little bed.

June

Nice Fingers: @anthonyed

A single compliment given by Tony stirs Bucky restless until he caves in and asks him out on a date.

With Steve’s help of course (whether he likes it or not).

The Darkest Touch: @starkrogerrs

This is the story of how Steve finds that it has been ordained that he is to marry a monster he cannot resist aka the God of Love himself, Tony.

It's Cupid x Psyche retold, but with thrice the amount of porn.

The Night Shift:  @weethreequarter

Welcome to the Emergency Department of San Antonio General where Dr. Tony Stark joins the team fresh from his most recent tour in Afghanistan and - much to the consternation of the other staff - strikes up an instant rapport with Nurse Steve Rogers. Meanwhile, new resident Bruce Banner refuses to give up on his patient, and Dr. Sharon Carter learns something from her own patients. Throw in a pissed off hospital administrator, Clint using the coffee pot as a mug again, and a major car crash and you have, well, just another night shift.

Wind Beneath My Wings: @iam93percentstardust

Sam first meets Tony Stark in 2005 when he joins the EXO-7 Falcon program.

In jest: @/apathyinreverie

“No, babe,” Danny shakes his head with a grin. “If the apocalypse were to go down while I’m elsewhere for some godforsaken reason, then you stay put and I’m coming to wherever you are.” His grin widens. “And I expect you to have cleared any aliens or zombies or whatever else might be messing with us off the island and to have set up a nice, comfortable military dictatorship for us to rule over by the time I get back.”

It’s a joke.

Of course it’s a joke.

Until it isn’t.

(A the-day-after-tomorrow-style apocalypse AU, where the world decides to end right when Danny is visiting one of the other islands with Grace. Because, of course, it does.)

[writingfortoomanyfandoms]

Penny For Your Thoughts (IV)

Pairing: Young!Sirius Black x Reader

Series Summary: Y/N Y/L/N has lived in the Potter household since she was eight years old. Even amongst the Potters, whom she knew loved her, she has never felt truly accepted, never felt like anything other than a burden. Until she went to Hogwarts. For the first time she had friends who weren’t forced to act as such, she had a family who loved her by choice. There, she met Sirius, the first and only person to ever truly understand what she was going through, to listen to her and not judge.

Chapter Warnings: Ummm not sure - maybe swearing?

A/N: And here’s part four! Sorry, it’s like an hour later than usual bc I’m in pain and was asleep so didn’t see that it had turned 4 already but I hope you enjoy. Please let me know what you think - especially if you’re on the taglist, hearing your comments always inspires me to keep on writing, so please do let me know. If you wish to be added to the taglist send me an ASK, replies to the parts asking to be added onto it won’t be responded to

Also just to let you know, there’s been a bit of a time skip between this chapter and the previous, this is set at the beginning of the christmas holidays, there are gonna be a couple of these time jumps in the next few chapters so keep that in mind!

“Hey, mind if we join you?” James stood in the doorway of the train compartment containing the group of Hufflepuff girls, flanked by Peter and Remus, all of them holding their trunks. 

“Sure,” Beatrice moved her legs to make space for them to sit down on the chairs beside her. 

Jessica curled up further into herself, her eyes staring resolutely at the book in her hands, her cheeks a light pink as Remus sat on the same bench at her, ensuring to keep a fair amount of distance between him and the shy girl, though did his best to offer her a reassuring smile.

Liane and Y/N were sitting on the floor in between the two benches, playing a game of Exploding Snap with Liane’s deck. Beatrice was watching, having decided to sit out for the first round under the pretence of taking a nap.

Y/N knew better though. Beatrice had confided in her that morning at breakfast that she  was dreading going home for the Christmas holidays.

James grinned at Beatrice and sat down beside her, his eyes looking down at the game as well and Peter took the chair next to him, also feigning interest.

“Hang on - where’s Sirius?” Y/N asked, having expected to see the final part of their little group enter into the compartment behind them, but there was no sign of him. 

“He’s not going home for the holidays,” James informed her with a slight shrug of his shoulders. Y/N frowned at the news.

“He’s staying at Hogwarts?” Y/N asked in shock.

“That does tend to be the alternative to going home,” James confirmed, giving her a hard look, clearly telling her not to press the subject just yet. Y/N looked at him silently for a moment before sighing and nodding her head.

“Hey - keep playing, entertain me!” Beatrice groaned, throwing an empty chocolate frog box at Y/N’s head. She glared at her best friend, trying to hide her smile.

“I feel used,” Liane commented, frowning at Beatrice who winked at her. 

“If you’re lucky I’ll pay you for your services.”

“Now I just feel… dirty.” Liane shuddered a little. “Dirty and used.”

“James? Peter? Remus? Fancy playing?” Y/N spoke loudly to cut off the conversation between Liane and Beatrice. She held up the deck of exploding snap.

“Alright then,” James agreed, moving down to join the girls seated on the floor. As expected, Peter was quick to follow suit.

“Oh - I wanted to talk to you!” Liane exclaimed, pointing at James with her eyes gleaming mischievously. Y/N saw James exchange confused looks with Remus and Peter before shooting a questioning one at Y/N, who bit her lip and ducked her head to try and hide her laughter.

“Yeah?” James asked uncertainly. “What about?” As far as Y/N was aware, James and Liane had never actually had a conversation that Y/N wasn’t present for, but she could guess what she was about to tell him.

“We were talking a few nights ago,” Liane started, a serious look on her face. Even Jessica had raised her eyes from the book she was pretending to read, peeking over the top of the pages to watch the interaction and Y/N could tell that she was trying hard not to laugh. 

“That’s nice?” James said unsurely when Liane didn’t immediately continue. The red-headed girl gave a nod of approval, as though James had said just the right thing. 

“And you came up.”

“I knew you couldn’t resist talking about me,” James beamed at Y/N who rolled her eyes, finishing dealing out the cards and picking up her pile.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Liane waved him off. “Anyway - you and I would have cute children.”

James’ face slackened into one of utter shock, his eyes widening as he stared at her.

“I’m sorry?” He spluttered.

“It’s the truth - the two of us would have really cute children!”

“Well children aren’t exactly the first thing on my mind,” James responded a little faintly, still staring at Liane, who looked unconcerned as she picked up her own cards.

Remus, Beatrice and Y/N were in stitches from the interaction, while Jessica had lifted her book again to hide her own quiet laughter and Peter was tittering nervously, looking at James as though he was unsure of whether or not it was okay for him to laugh. 

“Maybe start with a proposal,” Beatrice offered between her laughs.

“Well obviously not,” Liane scoffed, doing a wonderful job at maintaining a serious expression, despite her lips twitching, obviously wanting to grin. “But, hypothetically speaking...”

“Hypothetically speaking we’d have cute kids?”

“Really cute kids,” Liane emphasised with a solemn nod of her head.

“Sorry to disappoint you but, unfortunately James is only interested in one red head,” Remus told her, managing to recover himself but there was still a wide, amused grin on his face.

“Now if Evans was to propose we have kids, that would be a whole other matter,” James confirmed immediately.

“Potter - you’re missing the point,” Liane sighed. “I don’t want to have kids with you - or, at least, the only reason I would is because I could enter them into beauty competitions and get money for it.”

“I feel like that’s morally wrong to some degree,” Y/N stated, playing her next card. 

“In this hypothetical world I’ve created it’s okay to do things that are morally ambiguous.”

“So they’re not morally ambiguous at all?” Remus questioned.

“Precisely.”

“Has Lily literally ever spoken to you other than to tell you to leave her alone?” Y/N asked, frowning at James.

“Yes,” he stated defiantly, jutting his chin in the air.

“Sometimes she asks him to pass him things at dinner.” Remus confirmed, laughing and dodging out of the way when James threw his Exploding Snap cards at him in retaliation.

“Careful with those! They’re not ours!” Liane complained.

“Whose are they, then?”

“Rosa’s,” Y/N shrugged as Remus collected the cards up again and handed them back to James.

“Who’s Rosa?”

“Are you joking?” Beatrice looked at James incredulously and the black-haired boy looked to his two friends, who clearly shared his confusion. “She’s the other Hufflepuff girl in our year.”

“She doesn’t exist,” James stated matter-of-factly.

“I’m sorry?” Y/N spluttered.

“I’ve never even heard of her!”

“There are so many things that you haven’t heard of Jamie, considering how small your brain is, it doesn’t mean that they don’t exist.”

Remus snorted with laughter at her response and shared a grin with Y/N. 

“I don’t know who she is either,” Peter piped up, looking glad that he was capable of lending his support to James who responded with a grateful nod.

“She’s in every charms class with you guys and sits with us at meals - you really don’t know who she is?” Liane asked.

“She must be shy,” Remus offered.

“Jess is shy! You still know who she is!” Beatrice protested, pointing at her friend, who went bright-red at being brought so suddenly into the conversation but mustered up as much of a smile as she could.

“Where is she now, then?” 

“She’s staying at school over the holidays and offered to lend us her pack of snap,” Y/N explained.

“Well… we’ll ask Sirius when we get back.”

“You’re going to ask Sirius to either confirm or deny the existence of our roommate?”

“Yes.”

“Good - just wanted to double check.”

The remainder of the train-ride back to London passed quickly, filled with games of Exploding Snap and talk about their plans for Christmas - Remus imploring Y/N to do her best to ensure that James actually got some of the homework that they had been set finished, followed by James feigning annoyance at his friends’ mothering.

“James! James over here!” Mrs Potter’s voice rang out across the station, audible to Y/N even over the hubbub of the other parents present to pick up their children for the holidays.

“Y/N!” Mr Potter called as well. James and Y/N smiled at each other, James rolling his eyes a little at the evident enthusiasm in his parents voices. 

“You two are going home together?” Peter asked, frowning as he, too, stepped down onto the platform behind James and Y/N.

“The Potters are giving me a lift,” Y/N denied immediately. “Have a good Christmas, Peter!” She gave Peter a brief hug that left him bright pink and embarrassed. “You too, Remus,” she said to the scarred taller boy, who was slightly more ready for her hug, but a light shade of pink dusted his cheeks.

“Have a good Christmas, Y/N!” The Hufflepuff was wrapped into a bone-crushing hug from Liane and half-laughed, half-groaned from it.

“You too!” She hugged Beatrice next before being pulled into a hug by Jessica, who was clearly embarrassed at having initiated it. “I’m gonna send you your present in a few days - is that alright? I’ll send Eric’s with it.”

“You didn’t need to get us anything,” Jessica told her, though she was beaming.

“We’re friends, Jess! It’s a thing!” Y/N teased and Beatrice threw her arm over the shorter girl’s shoulder, beaming down at Jess who seemed to shrink a little in her hold, a bashful smile on her face.

“But if that’s your way of saying that you didn’t get us anything it’s okay, we understand,” Beatrice teased.

“Of course I did!”

“Y/N!” 

It was Mr Potter again, laughter in his voice as he shouted for her.

“I gotta go - I’ll see you next term!” 

“See you!”

As Y/N rushed through the crowds of Hogwarts students on the platform towards the Potters, her trunk clasped in hand, a few other classmates called out to wish her a good Christmas. 

James stood by his parents, his eyebrows raised at her.

“Said goodbye to all your friends?”

“Just because you only have three.”

“Hello, dear,” Mrs Potter was quick to pull Y/N into a hug, Mr Potter tugging her trunk from her hands. 

“Hey Mrs Potter,” Y/N smiled before moving to give Mr Potter a quick side-hug. 

“Hurry up, Fleamont! I want to hear all about their first term!” Mrs Potter scolded, having already bustled away from the other three towards the barrier. 

“And you left me to deal with her alone for four months,” Mr Potter sighed with a teasing eye roll. 

On the drive home from the train station, James filled the silence with tales of his first term at Hogwarts, answering all the questions that his parents had about the current staffing and the courses, Y/N occasionally chipping in whenever James would forget to mention something. They had just moved onto the topic of their new friends when they pulled into the drive.

The Potters had a wonderful house. It was rather large, thanks to the wealth of their ancestors, and could be found in the countryside near Oxford. Sweeping fields surrounded it, a forrest lay at the end of their garden where, if they walked far enough, they would find a clearing large enough to play Quidditch in over the summer, Mr Potter having build a store-shed for their equipment.

In the summer, flowers bloomed all over the front yard - even more in the garden and the serenity of the Potter home caused it to be an attractive place for many creatures to take refuge. 

This had been one of Y/N’s favourite things about moving in with the Potters - the discovery of the many magical creatures of the wizarding world and being able to learn to care for them from an early age right in their backyard. 

“Y/N, dear,” Mrs Potter called before Y/N could follow James up the stairs and onto the first floor, where both of their bedrooms were situated.

“Yes?” She turned, taking in the concerned expressions on both of their faces.

“When James talks about this boy - Sirius…”

“Yeah?” Y/N frowned a little, unsure of exactly where this conversation was going.

“He doesn’t mean Sirius Black as in… as in the Black family, does he?” Mr Potter questioned.

“I mean… that’s his family name, if that’s what you’re asking me,” Y/N responded unsurely.

“Do you happen to know if Sirius is… is a pureblood?”

“He is,” Y/N confirmed and watched as Mr and Mrs Potter exchanged dark looks, as though their worst fears had just been confirmed. 

“Is he nice to you?”

“He’s really lovely, Mr Potter,” she assured the man. 

“He’s nothing like his family,” James’ voice was cold, having rejoined his family in the kitchen after dropping his possessions in his room. He was frowning at his parents, his arms crossed over his chest. “Sirius is great - his family sucks.”

“Yes, sweetheart - we know what his family are like, we’ve met them,” Mrs Potter said, her voice soothing, wanting to calm down her son. “That’s why were worried about-”

“He’s nothing like them,” James stated, leaving no room for argument. “He was told not to go home for Christmas because his parents needed time to come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t sorted into Slytherin and had associated himself with blood-traitors and mudbloods.”

“James - language.” Mr Potter snapped, looking worriedly at Y/N, who dropped her gaze to the floor.

“Mrs Black’s words, not mine,” James grumbled. “Sorry,” he added after a moment.

“He was told not to go home?” Mrs Potter asked and when Y/N looked at her, she looked utterly heartbroken.

“He’s not like them,” James repeated, sounding a little more defeated than before, his voice filled with emotion and sympathy for his new-found friend.

“That poor boy.”

James’ recount of Sirius’ reasons for remaining at Hogwarts over the holiday remained in Y/N’s mind the rest of the evening, through dinner when she was asked by the Potters about her own friends, about Hufflepuff common room (since neither had been sorted into Hufflepuff, it was new territory for them) and about how much she was enjoying the lessons. 

When she wandered up to her room, she was still pondering over Sirius, thinking about what he may be doing at that moment in the lonely castle. If his parents didn’t want him home for Christmas, what would the holiday be like for him? 

Sad - most likely. And lonely. Materialistically, Y/N wondered whether he would be receiving any presents - surely James, Remus and Peter would step up for their new friend, perhaps Frank would and besides the Gryffindor boys, Sirius was well-liked in general amongst their year.

Y/N changed into her pyjamas, climbing under the familiar covers of her childhood, debating the best present that she could get for Sirius.

[incandescent-creativity]

Pre-Games: Olu and Mal

I. the big day

Mal shifts at the back of the crowd and picks at the pants she’s wearing.

“Don’t fidget,” Olu reprimands quietly.

“Easy for you to say,” Mal snaps under her breath. “You like wearing pants.”

“So do you sometimes. Why did you choose the suit when you’d rather the skirt?”

Mal scoffs. “It was hardly a choice. Barely more than tatters now.”

“My condolences.”

The reel ends, and the Capitol representative’s heels click as he moves back to the microphone. He’s saying something, but Maluka’s mind is still turning over. With such long hours in such different parts of the district, she hasn’t seen Olu in months. Now, today, in such close quarters, Olu stands at her side.

They’re just as tall as Mal remembers, which would be comforting if not for the fact that it just means their hand is close for the taking.

It wouldn’t be that weird, would it? Reaping days are exceptional, in the sense that they are exceptions to everyday life. Maybe Mal can’t see them every day while she’s busy with administrative work, and maybe she can’t hold their hand when Olu’s hands are raw from the rough scythes, but maybe today—

“And now, our first name.”

Crushing stray thoughts like dead leaves beneath her heel, Mal holds her breath with the rest of District 9.

II. the reaping

Olufemi prays.

They don’t know who’s listening. They’ve never known. It’s never mattered. Someone is, and that’s what matters.

With their eyes never straying from the glass bowl full of names, Olu prays.

Please, keep us safe. I know that two must be taken, but you have kept us from the jaws of death for so long. To your purpose, I’m sure of it. Let us serve that purpose still.

After all, the families that refuse to take tesserae subsist on the grain bars Olu sets aside for them. A monthly reprimand when the yield is lower than projected, for “unknown reasons,” is a small price to pay to ensure that District 9’s citizens do not starve.

It is a good purpose, and one that Olu intends to continue doing for as long as possible.

“And now, our first name.”

The man covered in green sequins and peacock feathers plunges his arm into the bowl, up to the elbow, and retrieves a scrap of paper.

Please. Your will be done.

“Maluka Samale, please come to the stage.”

The crowd begins to part, and the cameras begin to turn, but the only reason the name sinks in is a quick, brief squeeze of the hand. It is this moment of contact that triggers the realization: Mal—their Mal—is on her way to the stage.

Olu cannot breathe. Everything freezes up at once. Is this punishment? A prayer recognized for its selfishness, and thus realized through the taking away of their only companion in life?

By the time they think to volunteer, and ensure Mal’s safety, she is on the stage.

I’m too late.

Tears threaten to dampen round cheeks, but there is still one tribute to call. Then the visitation hours will start, and one last moment can be had between them.

A seed of resolve hardens in their heart. I will not let Mal away from me again.

The Capitol peacock already has his second slip of paper.

“Nora Collins, please come to the stage.”

Despair replaces resolve. The Collinses were the first family to approach Olu begging for an alternative to tesserae. Any other granarist would turn them in for attempted theft, they said, but Olu had a kind heart, they could tell. Would it be possible to spare some of their next harvest?

Nora, the Collins daughter, had grown up hale and strong as a direct result of the system they had devised together. She matured from a dead eyed child into an adolescent with the quickest weaving fingers around, and Olu watched it happen.

I cannot let her go to the Games.

Before the girl can take even her first step towards the stage, Olufemi fills lungs that call out over entire fields with the last free air they may ever know.

“I volunteer as tribute.”

All eyes turn to them, and they feel the weight of the crowd once again. An intimate knowledge of procedure and an increasing anxiety to escape the mass of people drives them forward.

“An unexpected twist here in 9!” the Capitol man narrates. “Here comes our lovely volunteer now—and just look at those shoulders! I think we have a contender here, folks, I daresay we do.”

He offers a hand to help Olu onstage, and they accept. Holding it delicately, he guides them both over to the microphone at center stage.

“What’s your name, tribute?”

“I am... Olufemi Abdalla.”

Turning away from them smartly, the Capitol man gestures for Mal to take his other hand. He lifts the two hands he has up in the air, though Olu’s slips out due to their height, and makes one final announcement:

“The tributes from District 9: Olufemi and Maluka!”

III. the visit

If I could have leapt off that stage and tackled Olu to the ground when Nora’s name was called, I would have.

As things went, all I could do was watch. They never even hesitated—as soon as her name was read, their voice spoke up. Credit where credit is due; they sounded strong. All confidence, no weakness. I’m not surprised the Capitol dude called them a contender.

That initial impression won’t last very long, though. There are no cameras in the visitation room, so nobody seems them hug the Collinses and put on a watery smile for Nora, but I don’t think Olu has it in them to be anything other than what they are: a good person.

Settling against a wall opposite their little gathering, I try not to be bitter. Unfortunately, I knew it. I knew that dumb heart of theirs was going to get them in trouble eventually, I knew it from the day I discovered their haphazard attempt to smuggle grain foodstuffs from their quota to the needy.

Their stupid “production” never would have gotten off the ground if it wasn’t for my insider access to the records, fudging the numbers to make sure they weren’t missing as much as they actually were. Olu would be stuck with the hard labor of the fields—there’s no chance of promotion with those numbers—but they also wouldn’t hang.

And now we’re tangled in another mess.

Maybe they could have managed it on their own if it were just the Collins family, but Olu never figured out how to say no to the other folks that approached them. People took to calling them Angel as a codename: “Go and see the angel if you’re in need of food.” “The angel will help you.”

If they’re an angel, what does that make me? Hiding in the background, covering tracks, lying on every paper I fill out every day?

A shadow falls over me, and I look up to see Olufemi approaching.

I drop my arms out of their somewhat aggressive position across my chest. “What?”

They freeze, a minute tic I’ve seen before that means I’ve completely misinterpreted the situation.

Hesitantly, they answer, “I... they just left.”

“So?”

“So, wouldn’t you like to trade spots to afford you a bit of privacy, as you did for me?”

I smile and shake my head, but I can’t force myself to put any warmth into it. “Nobody’s coming to see me off, Olu. My people are long dead, and I’ve pissed off everybody at work at least once before.”

They shift their weight back, now awkward with the weight of what I said. “Ah.”

“Yeah, I know. At least it simplifies things, right?”

“Of course,” they say delicately.

Letting myself slip down to sit on the floor, I sigh. “God, I wish I had a drink.”

Olu folds their long legs and drops to the floor, as well. Perfect posture, as always.

“I’m sure they’ll have alcohol on the train.”

“They better.”

IV. the train ride

Unfortunately, my prediction regarding the train’s alcoholic stores is an accurate one.

Mal proceeds to get “properly plastered” over dinner. I’ll admit that the wine is incredible, the finest I’ve ever tasted, but I sip at it only to complement the meal. She downs cups of it like its sole purpose is to intoxicate her.

As a result, I am the one to take her to her quarters. I suppose the Avoxes could, or perhaps the Peacekeepers, but I can’t convince myself to find either of those appropriate. The Avoxes have enough cleaning to do in the dining car, and the only danger Mal presents in her current state is to herself.

The doors slide open smoothly, to reveal a room decorated in dark tones. The bed has a dark grey duvet and its posts are made of dark wood, and the rug is a plush navy blue color. Even the lamps and lights along the wall are muted.

“Finally, a place that isn’t so fuckin’ bright,” Mal mutters as I guide her towards the bed.

“I didn’t think the rest of the train was too bright,” I say by way of making conversation.

“It was,” she says, with all the confidence of a child. “This is nice, though. Like you.”

I’m unsure whether she means that I am nice, or I am dark, but I suppose she is right either way. Regardless of meaning, it seems an appropriate moment to withdraw my hands from her arms. After a brief pause to ensure she doesn’t immediately fall over, I start setting aside extra pillows and pulling back blankets.

“You takin’ me to bed, angel?”

I huff out a laugh at the codename turned nickname. “In a sense.”

“Awesome,” she mutters. “You’re sexy as fuck.”

I could handle the first comment, but this second one prompts heat to my face. “Sorry?”

“Ah, don’t apologize. I’m just glad you’re finally actin’ on it.”

I’m running out of pillows to keep busy with. “On what?”

“On our undeniable chemistry,” she answers, using a tone that implies I should have known this already.

“I mean, fuck,” Mal continues, “I’ve been trying to hold your hand for, like... years. Figures I’d have to get reaped for it to happen.”

This last sentence is muttered, and the sorrow that overwhelms me over our circumstances closes my throat. All I can do is step back and gesture an open arm to the ready bed.

Mal dutifully crawls in, brushing a hand against the skin of my arm in thanks as she goes. Perhaps it is just her recent words echoing in the room, but the touch does incite nerves in my stomach and chest. Hasn’t it always, though? Or is that her point?

“Olu,” Mal mumbles, one arm up in the air. “Stop thinking.”

This command, at least, is familiar ground. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to sleep with me,” she promises. “I’m clearly not all... here.” A yawn interrupts her speech.

“Clearly,” I say gently.

“But I wasn’t kidding about sleeping with you. I mean—”

She buries her head into the dent of the pillow for a second, and a frustrated noise is muffled by it.

“I do want you to sleep with me, but like, sleep next to me. I don’t... want to wake up alone like I have every day, for years. This place already sucks. I don’t need that on top of it all, you know?”

It appears that Maluka has forgotten that I also live and wake up alone, but all that means is I understand the loneliness she is speaking from. And as such, I can hardly deny her.

Adjusting the blanket she is under one last time, I circle over to the other side of the bed and crawl in beside her.

next

[twenty-sixumbrellas]

All of my stories!

In honor of the closing of this page, I present to you, my stories. Mind you, these are all TUA. As far as I know, the simple xReader’s are unisex, unless specificed female.

Are You Kidding?

Five x Soulmate!Reader; you two are the perfect soulmates, except that he’s drunk, the apocalypse is coming, and you work at the library.

Are You Kidding? Part 2

Five x Soulmate!Reader; you wake up in an unfamiliar house where memories of taking care of a drunken Five are blurry. He just woke up. Now what?

No, You’re Not Dying

Five x Reader; after being in the apocalypse and all, you would think Five would handle a simple cold well. You thought wrong. Now he’s sneezy and clingy. Who cares that you could get sick too? He wants cuddles, damnit.

Maybe I was Jealous

Five x Reader; you’re working part time at Griddy’s which is great, for you. But you and Five have unexpected feelings for eachother, that are violently brought up. Who knew Five was such a jealous type?

Coffee?

Five x Reader; Five hates plane rides, but who can be angry when someone cute falls asleep on their shoulder? You’re sleepy, and Five knows just the cure.

The Apocalypse Was Not So Bad

Five x Reader; you and Five seem to be the only ones left after the apocalypse begins. Now what?

Weddings, Funerals, and Graduations?

Father! Diego x Daughter! Reader x The Umbrella Academy; they see eachother only a few times a year, so will they show up for Diego’s only daughter’s graduation?

Punked

Five x Female!Punk!Reader; you love the punk lifestyle, and Five loves you. Who knew a small change would throw him off so much?

I think we’re alone now

Five x Reader; you and Five are the purest childhood sweethearts. Children behave.

I’d still dance with you

Diego x Reader; Diego longs for the one who got away.

Brother Dearest

Brother!Diego x Reader x The Umbrella Academy; Diego and you were the closest in the family, and nothing, not even a bad reunion will ruin your tight bond.

Time travel is a b

Platonic!Five x Reader; your best friend Five is back, and brings bad news. You don’t fall for any of his crap, and bear some news as well.

Cocoa for medicine

Five x Reader; your cat dies, but you have the most supportive boyfriend to help you through it.

My sunshine

Ben x Reader; what if you died in Ben’s place? And you stayed?

The Relationship of the Traveling UA Jacket

Young!Five x Young!Reader; Five is known well for his suits. But are the suits known for being comfy? Maybe you steal a few. Maybe.

Full of Surprises

Diego x Reader; you’re rules of flirting with Diego mean no following through. Rules, however, are meant to be broken.

Star Struck

Allison x Female!Reader; the Umbrella Academy is trying to guess who you’re dating, unaware they’re in the room.

A Heartbeat, Perfect, and Law and Order

Fiancé!Five x Reader; you’re wedding day is a stressful one, and quite chaotic. But you two had always been chaos.

Forts and Softness

Five x Reader; after a long, rough day, Five comes in clutch with a pillow fort and good ol fluff.

Cuddles?

Young!Five x Young!Reader; you and Five and cuddling when you’re rudely interrupted by Luther. Hide!

On a rainy night

Diego x Reader; you have to walk home, and Diego has to work the night shift. No wonder authors write about rainy nights.

The IV of Death

Klaus x Reader; after a close call, Klaus spends a little quality time in the hospital. And some quality time with a cute nurse.

The IV of Death Part 2

Klaus x Reader; Klaus leaves the hospital and you aren’t sure if you’ll see him again. It’s funny how fate works, huh?

Another Time

Five x Reader; you’re very sick when Five comes to visit, and has to save a very important question for another time.

Another Time Part 2

Five x Reader; Five’s four attempts at proposing, and the one time you said yes. Who knew it would be so hard??

Diego x Reader Imagine

Diego x Reader; a small intruder enters at a bad time.

Really? A Knife?

Diego x Soulmate!Reader; the Commission was relentless, especially when they sent you to kill your soulmate. It’s funny, because in this world, you can’t.

Really? A Knife? Part 2

Diego x Soulmate!Reader; two highly trained murderers try and enjoy a smoothie.

Grace and Diego’s Famous Cookies

Diego x Reader; you were a sucker for Grace and Diego made cookies. It cured sadness and even assisted very nervous Hargreeve men.

I’ll Take Care of You

Diego x Reader; a very sick reader is taken care of by a very arrested Diego. How dare he.

Somebody to Love

Teen!Five x Teen!Female!Reader; Five wants to take you to prom, but not without being as extra as he’s known to be.

My Only Love

Ben x Reader; a mission goes very, very wrong and you’re left alone.

Double Trouble

Diego x Reader; you and Diego were the troublemakers, for sure. This was always known. Who left you two alone? Yes, even if you’re fully grown adults.

Not All Robotic

Diego x Robot!Reader; you were made as a prototype, but you were quickly accepted into the family as Grace had been. Of course, you and Diego met, and well, feelings were developed.

Not All Robotic Alternative Ending

Diego x Robot!Reader; you never knew anything but the Hargreeves manor. It was where you were made, and it is where you will die. And there’s nothing a heartbroken Diego can do.

Stoner Buddies

Platonic!Klaus x Reader; just two stoner best friends, living their best lives.

My Collection

Diego x Reader; you saved everything Diego had given you. They meant everything.

Clutz

Five x Reader; this is why we can’t have nice things, reader. But that’s okay, because Five will love you no matter what.

Maybe Coffee Can Be Our Always

Five x Reader; you’re followed for your next assignment, but it’s alright. This smart-alloc assassin has got it under control. Two is better than one.

Don’t You Touch Her

Five x Female!Reader; you are kidnapped by some “friends” of Five’s, but nothing will stop this short, angry assassin.

Where’s My Epic Background Music?

Diego x Reader; as you’re taken by Hazel and Cha-Cha, Diego loses his mind. Meanwhile, you go full Mission Impossible.

May I Have This Dance?

Five x Reader; after a fight, a dance is exactly what you and Five need.

You’re Perfect To Me Ya Creep

Diego x Reader; no matter what you feel, or what you think, Diego sees you as the most perfect person ever made. Ya creep.

Sworn Enemies

Soulmate!Five x Female!Reader; you and Five you destined to be sworn enemies from the day you met. But you were also destined to be soulmates.

That’s it I think? Thanks y’all.

-twenty-sixumbrellas

[dargonpoop]

its been a WHILE since ive written any fic but i rediscovered some old stuff and figured id post it?? so. have a cute lil soriku one shot under the cut

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Kingdom Hearts Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts) Characters: Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Pence (Kingdom Hearts) Additional Tags: Mentioned Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Beach Trip, Fluff, Pining, Yearning, Crushes, THEYRE SO CUTE, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, mentioned locations are just... normal towns, roxas and sora are twins, sora and riku are dummies but mostly sora, sora and riku are also saps but mostly riku, One Shot Summary: Sora wants to go to the beach, and Riku is a sap.

Muggy, humid days always came after rain on Destiny Island. The ground wasn't even wet anymore, as if the air had sucked all the moisture up into itself. Riku wished it would take his sweat too.

Even the shade of the tree he and Sora sat beneath provided little relief. There was no wind, only sun and water and heat. And sweat.

Sora leaned back, closing his eyes against the sun. His arm rested against Riku's, tan against white, hot and slightly sticky.

"We should go to the beach."

Riku turned his head, cheek against Sora's hair. "We practically live on a beach," he murmured, and the corners of his lips curled up.

"Yeah," was all Sora replied. He absently picked at blades of grass, ripping them out of the ground one by one. Riku ached to twine their fingers together.

"If you want to go to the island—"

"No, no." Sora sat up suddenly, turning to face him. His eyes twinkled, an idea dancing behind them. "I mean another beach. Somewhere else."

"Somewhere... else?"

"Yeah!" He hummed thoughtfully, tracing patterns on the ground. "I think there's one near Twilight Town. Roxas told me about how he and Hayner, Pence, and Olette went a few weeks ago. The water there is colder than here, too. What do you think, Riku?"

Riku plucked a strand of grass off the other boy's shirt as he turned the suggestion over in his head. Why would Sora want to go to a beach in a town several miles away when they had one right here? Maybe it wouldn't be as sweaty.

"Twilight Town." He'd go with it for now. “Okay.”

Sora's face lit up. "Twilight Town it is, then!"

Riku hoped it'd be worth it.

~•~

Sora was many things, but he was decidedly not a good planner.

He congratulated himself on at least finding a way to Twilight Town in the first place. He'd managed to remember the route thanks to his visits with Roxas to see Hayner and friends. And he'd remembered to bring enough munny for gas in case they needed it—which they did—and for the train tickets.

But apparently, that was the end of his luck, he figured as he glared at the "Closed for Maintenance" sign hanging on the Central Station door. Riku stood next to him with his arms crossed, trying to hide the amusement in his eyes. It wasn't working.

Sora sighed in defeat.

"Bummer, right?"

He perked up at the familiar voice behind him. "Pence!"

"Heya," said the pudgy boy, waving a half-eaten stick of ice cream and grinning. "What're you up to? And who's he?" He pointed his stick before slipping it in his mouth.

"This is Riku," Sora introduced, hopping down the few steps from the Station doorway to be level with Pence. "Riku, Pence."

Riku nodded in greeting but stayed where he was.

"We were planning on going to the beach," Sora continued, "but.…"

"Ah, yeah. They do mandatory checks every now and then, make sure everything's in working order."

Sora deflated. He felt a twinge of guilt for dragging Riku all this way for nothing.

"Hey, don't look so down. Let me tell you a secret," Pence said quietly, leaning closer. Sora mimicked him, turning his ear, and Riku snorted behind him before turning it into a cough. Sora kicked him in the leg, gently. "See that gate over there?"

Sora followed Pence's outstretched hand to a large doorway in the corner of the lot, squinting his eyes in the sunlight. "Uh huh."

"It leads to the Underground Concourse. You see, it's this underground passageway that connects all of Twilight Town together." Pence spread his arms in demonstration. "If you know how to navigate them, you can go straight to Sunset Terrace. The trains there should be working, but I haven't checked." He stood straight again, adjusting his headband. "Better than nothing, right?"

Sora stood straight and grinned. "Thanks, Pence! You're a life-saver."

Pence sucked up the last of his ice cream. "You know it."

Riku laid a hand on Sora's shoulder. "Are you sure we'll be able to find it?"

"Oh, it's easy," Pence said before Sora could respond. "There are signs everywhere. You can't miss it."

"Yeah, we'll be fine," Sora agreed, tugging Riku's jacket playfully. "I can figure it out."

"You can figure it out? I think the word you’re looking for is we—or maybe just Riku—"

"Hey!"

Riku laughed, tilting his head back. His hair fell away from his face, and Sora found himself smiling too, leaning towards him. He took Riku's hand and tugged, catching him off guard, and shoved him towards the tunnel.

"Thanks again for the help, Pence. See ya!" he said over his shoulder, and the other boy nodded and waved as he began walking off.

"Have fun, Sora, Riku!"

~•~

By the time they finally stumbled out of the tunnels, Riku was sweating. Summer in Twilight Town was brutal. He shrugged off his jacket and hooked it around his arm, the open breeze drying his skin.

"I thought it would be cooler in there." Sora wiped his brow, leaning against a nearby lamppost. Seagulls squawked above their heads, circling just above the buildings. Sunset Terrace stood quietly, the sun casting short shadows on the alleyway road.

"It wouldn't have been so bad if you'd actually asked for directions," Riku pointed out.

"Pence said there'd be signs!"

"Which you didn't stop to look at."

"We made it through fine either way," Sora said, waving his hand. "Next stop: the beach!"

Riku scanned the courtyard for the train station as they walked. A tram rumbled across the bridge above them.

"Look over there," he said, nodding to his left. Sora followed his gaze, past the brick steps and beyond the gate.

Sora took Riku's hand as he ran and Riku followed closely behind, warmth flooding from his palm to his arm and to the rest of his body and eventually fluttering in his stomach. The wind picked up as they bounded up the stairs, and Riku wondered what the beach here was like, if the water sounded the same and if the sand was soft, and he felt giddy with excitement like he was a kid again on another adventure with his best friend.

Well, Sora might be a bit more than that, Riku thought airily.

And then it wasn't airy, and his face heated up and he let go of Sora's hand but Sora didn't notice as he handed his munny to the old lady at the ticket counter, that stupid grin on his face like always. The sun seemed to wrap around his body, setting his tan skin aglow and his spiky hair on fire, and now Riku wondered how Sora would look with his shirt off and his hair wet with sea water. How Sora's skin would feel against his own.

He erased those wonderings, scribbling them out of his mind before they wandered into dangerous territory.

Sora turned and handed Riku his ticket, his sky-blue eyes narrowing.

"Exhausted already, Riku?" he teased, elbowing the other as they boarded the train. "Your face is red. Don't tell me you're already out of shape."

Riku sputtered. "Of course not!"

Sora giggled, honest-to-God giggled and Riku's stomach flipped and danced and Oh god he's so cute.

Riku figured he was fucked. Gay, and fucked.

~•~

Sora curled his toes into the warm sand, watching the waves crashed against the shore twenty feet away. He closed his eyes and breathed, breathed in the salty air and the smell of seaweed, almost like home but not quite. No two beaches ever smelled the same.

"I assume we're claiming this spot?" Riku said behind him. Sora could practically feel Riku’s eyes on him, eyes the color of the sea and the waves.

Riku didn't wait for an answer, and promptly stuck a rented beach umbrella in the ground, twisting it secure. Sora turned and watched him lay a blanket in front of it, beneath the shade.

A small moment passed as Riku stared out at the horizon, a brief smile flickering across his lips. "It's nice."

Sora nodded lazily and lightly leaned against Riku, arm to arm. Long silver wisps of hair tickled his chin as they floated in the breeze, and he tucked them back behind their owner's ear. He let his fingers trail down the side of Riku's neck before pulling away, his heart dancing.

"Ready to swim?" he asked merrily, an eager grin spreading across his face.

Riku smiled lopsidedly. "Thought you'd never ask." He threw off his jacket and dropped it onto the sand before pulling his tank top off, pausing to smooth down his hair.

Sora wasn't sure he remembered how to breathe. His mind seemed to freeze, stop, while his heart did the exact opposite and threatened to cartwheel out of his chest. Heat flared in his cheeks.

He was stunning.

Sora tried not to stare, tried not to look at Riku's perfectly chiseled arms and the light tan on his chest and the curve of his back. He tried, really tried to turn away when Riku bent over to wrap his tank top into his jacket and put them away, but it was too late and Riku was all muscle and his back was so smooth and Sora just wanted to touch it, to touch him, to glide his hands over Riku's skin and pepper it with kisses and oh god his face was on fire.

Riku apparently chose that moment to glance up at Sora, who promptly squeaked and shifted his gaze down, rather horrified both at being caught staring at Riku and at the sound that just escaped his throat.

"What?" Riku's voice turned teasing and he put a hand on his hip, the other reaching up to flip back his hair. "Worried you won't look as good shirtless as I do?"

Sora opened his mouth and quickly shut it, nearly biting off his tongue, and attempted to melt into the sand. He'd been so busy staring at Riku shirtless he'd forgotten to take off his own shirt and now Riku was laughing, and while the sound made Sora's heart do even more rather advanced gymnastics, it did absolutely nothing to help his situation. His mind swirling, he quickly undid the buckle on his shirt and pulled the shirt up. It managed past his neck before catching, half of it up over his head and the rest stuck somewhere between his nose and his chin, because god dammit he'd neglected to pull the belt off first and now he was trapped with his arms dangling awkwardly in the air and his eyes covered by red fabric. In front of Riku.

Who had the audacity to laugh even harder.

"Help," Sora demanded weakly, muffled.

"Hold on—I'm sorry, but—hahaha!" A thump as Riku dropped to the ground, and Sora kicked him, using sound to guide his angry foot. "Ow! Okay, alright, c'mere." Sora could hear the smile in his voice.

Calloused hands tugged Sora by the arm before reaching for the belt, slipping it out of its loop. The shirt loosened around Sora's face and he pulled it off at last, ran a quick hand through his hair to fix the spikes. Despite everything, his lips tugged upwards into a sheepish grin.

"Sorry about that."

Bright green eyes met his, crinkled with laughter. "Shirt troubles? Really?"

Sora chucked the clothes at Riku's face, morphing his face into a pout. Riku caught it deftly and tossed it next to his own clothes.

"In my defense," Sora said, "I still need Roxas's help putting that thing on."

"That's supposed to be a defense?"

"Well, at least you know it isn't totally my fault!"

"Sora…"

"What?"

Riku paused, his head tilted down a degree and his eyes watching Sora through his bangs, still twinkling. "You're… cute." He blinked and backtracked, his cheeks tinged pink as he stuttered without forming a sentence.

Sora was definitely floating, he figured without looking down; he was too light and he couldn't feel the sand anymore, and the wind wasn't blowing but if it did he was sure it would carry him along with it. He struggled to speak, to form a coherent response to Riku's words.

You're… cute.

Instead, his body decided to act of its own accord, and he sprinted towards the water.

"Race ya!"

~•~

The sun hung low in the sky, barely brushing the tips of the waves reaching up towards the two boys lying back on the sand, sea salt ice cream in hand. The summer heat had dissipated and the wind had picked up, brushing past Riku and Sora as it crossed the beach.

Riku watched through his hair as the other boy finished his ice cream, digging the stick into the dirt idly. His eyes reflected the entire world and the setting sun, like blue mirrors. He's beautiful.

As he finished his own popsicle, Riku recounted the day in his head, backwards. Heat poked his face as he recalled their earlier conversation, just after he'd freed Sora from his shirt, and the words he'd let slip. You're cute. He mentally slapped himself in the face.

He was surprised Sora hadn't picked up on anything yet, that he'd continued on like it was nothing. They'd run into the frigid water and splashed each other and played around like usual, laughing until they cramped and couldn't swim, salt water stinging their eyes. Just like they did back at Destiny Islands.

"Hey, Sora?"

A hum in response.

"Why'd you take me here?"

Why, when we have our own perfectly good beach? Why, when it took half an hour to drive to Twilight Town and another to find a working train station? Why, when we could have easily turned back around to save the trouble?

Sora's lips curled up in a soft smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

"Well?" Riku asked.

"I wanted to spend time with you is all," came the quiet reply.

He turned his head to face Sora, met his eyes. "Why not at home?"

Sora shrugged. "I guess I just wanted to do something special. With you."

Riku felt heat crawl up his neck and his stomach curled in on itself. Sora's eyes never left his.

"And why's that?" he said, his voice tilting playfully, the corner of his mouth tugging upwards in a smirk.

Something danced across Sora's eyes, flickering for a split second before Riku could no longer see it, could no longer see anything but Sora as Sora's lips pressed against his own, sliding between them, and Riku immediately melted into the kiss, his hands reaching up to cup Sora's face. Sora tilted his head and the kiss deepened, and the world spun and then disappeared. He tasted like ice cream and the sea, and Riku's arms tingled where Sora's hands were before they moved down to wrap around his waist and a part of him wished they were still shirtless but this was fine, everything was wonderful and made of Sora.

They pulled apart slightly and Riku breathed a sigh of 'Oh, the entire day clicking into place. And now he was surprised he hadn't picked up on any of the hints Sora had been dropping. He leaned their foreheads together, his eyes closed, and Sora giggled and pulled him closer, tighter.

"So…" Riku murmured, his mind numb in perfect happiness, "was this supposed to be our first date?"

"Well, it definitely ended up that way."

Riku hummed, placing one last kiss before pulling away and opening his eyes. Sora was absolutely glowing, and Riku was sure he must've been the same.

"Let's do it again sometime."

[stilwaterskeeter]

Rewriting Saints Row IV

Hi this is my absolute least favorite game of the series and I kind of hate it! But here I am regardless putting my time and efforts into making an entire post dedicated to what I like and (in my opinions) how to fix the parts I don’t like...

This is also written to match by SRTT post rather than the base canon for the games! Which literally changes nothing but Johnny is already known to be alive before this game, so yknow...

This is also a HUGE post whoops

And again, this is just for fun. Don’t like it? Don’t interact with it. I’m not forcing you to read this. That being said, I do like discussing this kind of stuff so I totally up if you wanna just talk about alternatives or how you think things would play out and stuff

Plot/Story Specific Changes:

President’s Cabinet:

Fuck Keith David! Get him out of here! Leave sir! Go back to your movies!

Johnny Gat is our new Vice President because we know regardless of his skill at the matter, The Boss would make him his VP

This also gives Ben King a lot more reason to hold it against The Boss that he isn’t the VP, because at least before Keith David was a likable actor and had his own skillset for the role. Now it’s Johnny fucking Gat who has all the diplomatic and political tact of a shoe

The Boss’ dream isn’t some stupid 50s sitcom, that was so dumb, hardehar 50s is so nice and polite my ass

I think shit like meeting Julius, the boat explosion, Dex’s attempt to kill them, Magarac Statue blowing up even if they tried to go there, Johnny bleeding out after the fight with Jyunichi, and probably much more are better suited pieces to a much larger much more intimidating and genuine nightmare sim that would have broken The Boss inevitably

All the times they almost died because they weren’t quick enough, all the times they just barely saved their friends? A lot scarier than “oh noes I cawn’t kiww anybodwy uwu” crap

Zinyak doesn't really destroy the Earth

First of all: I don’t think he’d waste so many potential assets over the folly of one idiot

Second of all: The man’s supposed to be like a genius of sorts? So I find it ridiculous that he doesn’t have the ability to hide the fact that Earth is Actually Totally Fine from an idiot like The Boss

Third of all: To avoid Kinzie being oh so smart and debunking Zinyak’s scheme- She’s absolutely distraught when the Earth blew up and surprisingly caught up in her emotions, a pretty new thing for her. So I think it’s plausible she would bee too caught up in the moment to do much and afterwards is too caught up trying to help The Boss find and rescue what they believe is the last hopes for humanity

Kinzie doesn’t save anyone before The Boss, she goes straight for The Boss and before trying to go to Earth, they rescue Johnny Gat

Kinzie was prepared prior to saving The Boss with a few locations already in mind that she found as she was looking for them

One of which obvs ended up being Johnny

Another of which is a Surprise Prison that will help us later

All she knows is that it’s definitely based from Stilwater in ye olden days (first game, not actually ye olden days lmao) so she was assuming it was definitely either The Boss or Johnny

(Spoiler it’s Lin)

Additionally: The sim we do activities and hang out in isn’t Steelport. It should have been Stilwater and you know it.

After the Earth is “destroyed” and The Boss needs to go back into the sim and start recruiting people, Johnny steps in a lot when discussing who to save next

Sorry Matt, your rescue is getting pushed back a little

Johnny’s very adamant about not saving Matt first, “We are not saving that little goth punk whatever kid before we save our girl and Pierce. I don’t give a fuck that you’re president, I’m impeaching you, we’re saving Shaundi next. Not Matt.”

Shaundi’s nightmare sim stays relatively the same, but maybe polish up the writing better

I like her nightmare and the angle, but the writing just felt very,,,awkward to me?

She was supposed to be hung up on feeling helpless and the fact that she felt that because she was always “the damsel” and in need of protection, that Johnny was gone

But the writing kind of just skimmed over that

Then they save Pierce because, yeah, they give him a lot of shit, but he’s one of Johnny and The Boss and Shaundi’s closest friends and Johnny’s already made it clear they’re not saving anyone else until they got both Shaundi and Pierce back

Then you have the 3 rescues that you pick the order for

Asha

Ben

Matt

Then comes the replacement for Johnny’s canon rescue; It’s Lin’s Rescue Now

Kinzie isn’t sure who it really could be because they already have The Boss and Johnny, and they’ve already identified which sim is Ben’s

She asks Pierce and Shaundi for help trying to identify the sim while Johnny and The Boss are fuckin around in the sim

Neither of them have a clue who it could be

But both of them recognize the invading gang members in the sim as Westside Rollerz members so they recommend asking Johnny and The Boss about it

Johnny and The Boss have a moment of “Holy fucking shit, there’s no way” “It couldn’t be her, could it?” all the while the rest of the crew is just like “Any day now, who couldn’t it be?”

Lin’s nightmare sim is the events following up to her kidnapping and then the moments before Zinyak got her when she was in the process of drowing

A street race where some shithead Roller sabotaged Lin’s car so she had to forfeit midrace and then some guys kidnap her

I was figuring you’d be racing to catch up to her and then the race ends for you when she has to pullover

And then a brief cutscene of her trying to fight of some Rollerz goons while The Boss is locked in their car and can’t get out no matter how hard they try to break the window or bust it open

Then a followup cutscene Lin and Sharp arguing about The Playa not arriving to her rescue

“It appears to me like your little friend won’t be joining us. Oh well, we’ll take care of them soon enough. For now, just you will have to do.”

“Could your head be any further up your ass? Get on with it already, I’m getting bored here.”

And a short line from The Boss like, “What an asshole, jokes on him I wasted that son of a bitch years ago. And I’m not leaving without Lin this time.”

The last part is a timed boss battle with Sharp

Kinzie’s trying to do her tech thing and find a workaround to save Lin from drowning while The Boss fends off Sharp and miscellaneous goons

After Lin’s rescued and Sharp is dead, she steals the gun from The Boss in a cutscene and empties it into Sharp

“I have been waiting too fucking long to do that.”

There’s a brief reunion scene between her and The Boss

“Man, you don’t know how glad I am to see you.”

“Oh. My. God. You can fucking talk, that’s almost as crazy as the fact I’ve been living in this hellhole for years....You look good, did you do something to your hair?”

“You have no idea, Lin. You’ve missed a lot.”

“Nothing we can’t talk about over a beer after we get out of here. Speaking of, you got a plan for that or-?”

Kinzie chimes in, “I do.”

Kinzie isn’t the one who defends Matt when he says the mission is a bad idea because that was dumb and out of character, agree with him maybe, but not defend him

Instead of Keith’s betrayal/loyalty mission/whatever; We get Lin going into the simulation on her own to try and save Donnie after having Matt find his sim for her when The Boss pushes off saving Donnie as something to do later since Donnie’s not exactly useful in a mission like saving the universe and destroying Zinyak

“How do you even know he’s not dead? What makes you think Zinyak even abducted him?”

“Because I know he’s still alive, and Matt found him.”

“Look, we’ll take care of this after we end Zinyak. There’s no cars for him to rig or information to leak to us with these guys.”

“There’s gotta be a fucking reason he got abducted, playa. He’s worth saving.”

Johnny chimes in, “We’re not saving your stupid boyfriend right now, Lin. We have bigger fucking problems to deal with.”

It just progresses into a whole fight and the others are kind of just like....”Holy shit....there’s three of them now.” until Ben King steps in and tells them to all shut the fuck up

“Listen, Lin. We’re going to get your boy, but we aren’t doing it now. It’ll be the first thing after we kick Zinyak’s ass.”

The Boss chimes in, “Who said anything about the f-”

“I said...it’ll be the first thing we do, got it?”

Donnie’s nightmare sim is The Boss attacking his garage but Lin never shows up and instead he gets “killed” and then it’s The Boss harassing him and attacking him to get him to rig the Brotherhood vehicles and for the location of Carlos and Maero threatening him and ultimately “killing” him as well and then repeat

Bet The Boss kind of feels a little bad about always picking on him now, huh

Lin is at least, she feels guilty about setting up the raid on Donnie’s garage in SR1 and then just feels really pissed off about The Boss going after him more in SR2

Eventually The Boss shows up to help and with some hacking skills(TM) is given their superpowers and Lin is given powers as well to save Donnie

Obviously he can’t believe Lin is fucking ALIVE let alone just SAVED his ass

“Y-You’re alive? But Mr.Sharp killed you! A-And I let him! They found your body in the river and-....where the hell have you been for so long?”

“Listen, Donnie, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Are you sure? Because Earth got invaded by aliens and I’ve been dying repeatedly everyday since.”

“Shit, yeah. That son of a bitch, Zinyak, saved my ass from drowning back in Stilwater. This asshole over her saved me from that.”

“I bet their to blame for all this! It’s always their fault! Ultor, STAG, Gangstas in Space, Cyrus Temple, they’re the fucking president now can you believe that?”

The Boss chimes in, “I’m standing right fucking here! And for your information, I happen to be an excellent president!”

“Now’s really not the time, playa.”

And also that The Boss also SAVED him

“I thought you fucking hated me, I can’t believe you just did that.”

“Yeah, well, don’t get your panties in a twist, I’m only here for Lin.”

“Oh.”

Okay I lied, Zinyak DOES destroy the Earth for realsies

But only towards the end of the game, like following up to the boss battle

He reveals like 

“Oh, it seems you haven’t learned your lesson then. I suppose I’ll have to really blow up your pitiful little planet then? Such a shame really, humanity could have been quite useful to the Zin Empire, but one must cut’s one’s losses sometimes. Their certainly not worth the trouble your putting me through here.”

This gives him time however to have abducted more people, including like Oleg, Viola, Donnie, etc etc etc

Fuck the Enter the Dominatrix DLC

Yeah it’s funny and all but like, where’s something actually interesting and additional to the game?

Replace it with DLC where you rescue like Viola and Oleg and stuff instead

Viola’s nightmare obviously would have to do with being stuck working for Killbane and probably have a boss battle where you fight simbane after he tries to kill Viola as well after having killed her sister

Oleg has a few options I think but the most appealing idea to me is a nightmare about him trying (and failing repeatedly) to escape the KGB

Character Specific Changes:

There really isn’t much to be put here shockingly

Maybe I’m the only one who thinks this but I think they should have expanded on the jokey romances more

I’m not talkin’ like full on bioware romances, just yknow maybe a little more than a single repeatable scene that varies from being shockingly indepth (Johnny) to just a fucking joke (Kinzie)

Maybe like add in a decision for a difference between just like casual sex or an actual romance with the characters

If you pick an actual romance then there’s random little banter lines about it when you have homies and maybe a few lines in some cutscenes or smth, nothing huge

Like say, you have Pierce and Shaundi as homies with you:

Romance Shaundi:

P: It’s about damn time someone did something

S: What are you talking about?

P: Uh, you and The Boss? Duh

S: Oh my god, shut up

P: Took ya’ long enough...y'all only been eye fucking each other as long as I can remember

S: Shut up, Pierce!

P: Chill! I’m happy for you, girl! Don’t attack me!

Romance Pierce:

S: So...you and The Boss, huh?

P: I already don’t like where this is going

S: I’m just surprised is all, you’ve been into them since like day one

P: No. I haven’t.

S: [snorts] Yeah, right. You used to get so upset when-

P: Shut up! They’re standing right there!

Or uh Pierce and Johnny:

Romance Pierce:

J: Hey, man, I’m proud of you for finally tellin’ The Boss how you feel

P: Wh- I didn’t- I’m not the one who-

J: But if you ever even think  about hurting them [cocks gun] I won’t hesitate to put a cap in your ass

P: Man, calm down. I ain’t gonna do shit, jesus

J: [laughs] I’m just messin’ with you, Pierce. I’m not gonna shoot you.....Unless...

P: This is why I don’t tell you things, Gat! What the hell, man?!

Romance Johnny:

P: I can’t believe you and The Boss weren’t already fucking

J: Me neither

P: Didn’t you ever...yknow...like wonder? You never even thought about it?

J: Oh, no. I thought about it plenty. I wasn’t about to be the one to say somethin’ though

P: Did we finally find something Johnny Gat is scared of?

J: Fuck no, man, just after what happened with Eesh-

P: So...you were scared?”

J: No!

Lin getting to know everyone is a very big thing, like she’s suddenly surrounded by new people and everyone but Johnny and The Boss from before her abduction are dead

She gets along really well with Shaundi, Johnny (duh), Ben King, Asha, and Donnie (duh)

She gets along pretty damn well with Pierce too but it’s a pretty similar teasing relationship as Shaundi and Pierce and she gives him a hard time a lot

He gripes about how he has to deal with 2 Shaundis and Lin now a lot

She and Asha are pretty different but also pretty similar, they’re both really stubborn and dedicated to what they deem their “duties” but Lin still likes to let loose and have fun a lot more than Asha

A lot of their interactions consist of Lin trying to convince Asha to just let loose “a little” and have some fun

Asha for the most part wouldn’t ever really admit that she likes Lin but if pushed she’d definitely say something like “I definitely respect her. Maybe the Saints wouldn’t be as ridiculous and out of control if she was never taken from them before.”

Also because again you can pry wlw Lin from my cold dead hands we get this exchange:

“You know...you remind me a lot of one of my exes.”

“That’s...nice.”

“Stubborn, pretty, law-abiding, all work no play-”

“Is there a point to this?”

“Not really, I just keep thinking about it.”

“I see...and what happened to them?”

“She broke up with me for some prick named Blake...[laughs] So I broke his nose next time I saw him. Detention for a month, but definitely worth it to see her face.”

“No wonder The President likes you...”

She also gets along with Matt pretty well, having gone to him to find Donnie instead of Kinzie, although that was simply because she figured Matt would keep quiet about it and not tell The Boss, as well as Kinzie was already doing 101 things for The Boss at the time

She really doesn’t understand the whole Nyteblade thing but vampires are kind of cool she guesses and also it’s not like there’s a ton of shows or books left to entertain herself with, at least with Nyteblade, Matt’s got the memory of an elephant and probably totally recreates a ton of the episodes and key scenes because he is Absolutely That Guy first of all

She ends up getting pretty into it but if you ask about it she’ll shrug it off as simply because it’s “the only show left to watch”

Lin also remarks with Shaundi how she reminds her a lot of herself

“You know, I used to be some fun loving party girl myself.”

“Really? What happened?”

“Los Carnales and Julius fucking Little. Couldn’t go five feet out of my house without some assholes doing a drive-by or starting gang wars.”

“Oh...”

“Had to step up if I wanted it to stop, we see how well that turned out.”

“...Yeah....”

Alternatively to the nightmare sim swap I listed earlier...Johnny Gat would be The Boss’ husband in the 50s nightmare sim for sure

Kinzie definitely brings that up to Johnny if they’re both homies, especially if you romanced Johnny

Matt Miller and Donnie friendship when-

Turns out Donnie’s also a fan of Nyteblade

And Matt liked the Feed Dogs’ admittedly short lived time of activity

They both geek out of dumb shit and also talk about how fuckin scary The Boss can be and how lucky they are as some of the few remaining living members of gangs that The Boss fucking demolished

CID gets a lil more establishment

aka I mean he gets like a lil hologram of what he used to look like before becoming an AI in the zin system when he’s in the sim so he can hold guns and run around with you as a homie

also cut the whole thing of him trying to bargain with The Boss for “a woman” because that entire segment was weird and uncomfortable

[ramheavenandhell]

The Lines Between Ricks And Mortys – Chapter 1: Getting into the Game

AN: I'm so sorry for the long absence, but I'm finally back (more or less). This is a fanfic that I had finished for a while already, but I hadn't posted it before because I wanted to add more visual stuff to it. However, I never really finished any of those plans and so I give this to you now as it is (I'll add the few things that I did manage to finish though). Still, I'm excited to finally be showing this to you. While it is a direct continuation to all the previous stories in the "Entricked Fates" series, I'll tried to write it in a way that you will still understand what's going on even if you haven't read them (of course, this will still be more fun for you to read if you have read all the other ones before). Also, if my "Entricked Fates" series has something like arcs this story could be considered the season 1 finale. Warnings: there will be Rick/Morty and Rick/Rick and also smut in later chapters, but for this one only mentions of trauma and past rape Summary: After losing his portal gun to the Council of Ricks thanks to Mysterious Rick, Rick C-137 is forced to participate in the Pocket Mortys game. At the same time, Rick C-133 is on the Citadel trying to find the Morty who had tried to kill and replace his Morty and Rick P-78 and his Morty help him in the search. All the while, organized Mortynappings that might be linked to an illegal Morty brothel ring are happening on the Citadel and Morty K-4872 is trying to find the root of it.

The Lines Between Ricks And Mortys – Chapter 1: Getting into the Game ~Though they were born beneath alternated stars they will join in one battle and will fight under the same sky~

Rick C-137 scowled as he walked over the plaza with his Morty in tow.

They were now stuck on the Citadel of Ricks, with no portal gun and forced to participate in this stupid "Pocket Mortys Game" if they ever wanted to leave again.

He actually had to beat all of the council clowns' asses if he wanted to win his portal gun back and it was just rickdiculous.

They would regret making him do that and the only Rick who would regret this whole thing even more would be that Mysterious Rick that was responsible for this whole mess.

C-137 was going to pay this guy back, no matter what it took – not only because of his portal gun, but also for what he had done to his Morty.

"If you want to know about the rules and details of the game, just ask someone from the staff from Morty Inc." Riq IV had said with a smug grin. The rest of the council clowns wore a matching expression on their faces.

Apparently the Morty Day Care and the Morty Games Coliseum were owned by Morty Inc., but there was also Salesman Rick's (the official Pocket Morty Shop) and the Morty Healing Center and they would also be free to ask for advice at any of those places.

Those were all the shops that had been specifically set up for the Morty Trainers whether they were newbies or veterans in the Morty training business.

Rick looked around the plaza in the main atrium that they were standing at after they were more or less kicked out of the building where the Council of Ricks resided in, being surrounded by busy Ricks and their Mortys as well as some other alien folks and he couldn't contain his frustration any longer.

"I really fucking hate this place!" he groaned aloud.

Rick C-133 and his Morty looked around the busy plaza that had Ricks, Mortys and some aliens roaming about. They had followed that ominous Morty to the Citadel of Ricks, but now what? How where they supposed to find one Morty in this mass? C-133 had to congratulate the little bastard for finding the possibly best hiding place for a Morty in the entire multiverse. It would be like searching for the proverbial needle in the haystack. The only difference was that finding that needle would have been far easier for Rick even if the damn thing would have been a toothpick. He didn't even know if that Morty was still on the Citadel, but then again this was the best hiding place that he could ever get so C-133 hoped that the boy was indeed still here. "Fuck! Finding the little shit here will take forever…" The Rick groaned out loudly. They continued to walk over the plaza, C-133 trying to look out for a Morty with a wounded arm since he remembered that the other seemed to have broken his arm before he fled from the scene. However, after seeing a bunch of wounded Mortys walking around and even almost running into a little group of Mortys who looked like they had several broken limbs led by one Rick who looked absolutely fine, he figured that even that wouldn't be a good enough indicator to find the culprit that he was searching for. "If I at least knew from which dimension that Morty was…" C-133 mumbled, getting quickly tired of the sight of hundreds of yellow t-shirts. He happened to overhear another Rick who was close by complaining loudly. "I really fucking hate this place!" "Tell me about it. This place sucks!" he agreed. C-133 wasn't one of those Ricks who frequented the Citadel, much less thought about staying here for a longer period of time or even come to live in this place. Actually, he pitied the Ricks who were stuck here a little, but then again they were responsible for their own misery and didn't deserve something like pity. "All of those stupid Ricks are nothing but dumb sheep that try to cling to their terrible ideas and idealisms, which are nothing more than poor illusions." C-137 continued. "That's exactly what I always say, too." C-133 agreed fully to that. It was nice to know that there were still some Ricks who had their head on right and saw this the same way that he did. However, this opinion also raised an interesting question. "Why are you even here if you hate this place so much?" He didn't want to sound like a hypocrite, but at least he had good reason to be here no matter how much he hated the Citadel. "Some Rick-asshole stole my portal gun and then gave it to the Council as a present who now force me to participate in this stupid "Pocket Morty Game" to get it back." Rick C-137 summed the story up. "And why are you here?" The question was warranted. Rick C-133 tried to give the short version of his story, too. "A Morty had hired a bunch of Mercenary Ricks to kidnap and kill my Morty and wanted to us me as his replacement Rick." Even though both Ricks left out some very important details in their stories, Morty C-137 could see how the other Morty became really pale. "Are you okay?" he asked the other boy, sincerely worried about the other brunet's health. He himself had been through a rather traumatic event just recently thanks to a Rick and he figured being kidnapped and almost dying at the hands of a bunch of Ricks was probably not less stressful than that. Morty C-133 kept silent for a moment and looked at the other Morty as if he was contemplating about something before he finally gave in. "Uh… could you… I mean could we… have a little talk, over… a-alone?" he asked. Seeing, as their Ricks were still busy discussing about one thing or another, he shrugged and quietly excused himself before walking over to the side of the street to an empty corner where it was a bit quieter. After looking around almost as if he was paranoid and making sure that no one would listen in on their conversation, Morty C-133 finally started to talk. "Um… actually… those Ricks that had kidnapped me… they—they… they raped me…" he confessed. Morty C-137's eyes widened in shock before his face took on features of sympathy. "You know… I was also raped by this Rick who is responsible for us being in this mess." He answered. Somehow, both boys felt as if a little weight was lifted from them by talking about what had happened to them and having something to share even if it was undeniably a very horrible experience. It somehow just felt good to be able to talk with someone who understood exactly what they themselves had gone through. Without really noticing it another Morty suddenly joined them and made himself known. "So, you were both victims of Rick-rape?" he quipped in. Both C-dimension Mortys looked at the newcomer with big eyes. While both of them looked like typically "standard Mortys" with their short brown hair, yellow shirt, blue jeans and white sneakers and having no significant features that differentiated them from another, the Morty that had approached them looked considerably different. At least he was dressed differently in that he wore brown pants, a green vest over his yellow t-shirt and a white and dark-gray baseball cap that had the letters "D'n'J" stitched on the front in a blue-green color. "Um… have you been, too…?" they both wondered aloud, simultaneously. "Oh, no. I'm not a victim of any Rick-crimes…" He instantly declined that notion. "…but I have just recently assassinated a Rick, Rick S-121, who put up a front of being a Morty-activist, but was actually a mortyphile. He had adopted Mortys from the Mortyphanage and raped them or forced them to work in illegal Morty brothels." The C-dimension Mortys looked pretty shocked at that information. To think that something like that was happening on the Citadel… well, after what they had just been through, it was not impossible to imagine it, but it was shocking to think that such organized crime was going on. The Morty continued, "I'm currently trying to investigate more about that since a lot of Mortys in other facilities have also gone missing. Even though this isn't an actual mission. I mean, I wasn't hired by anyone to do this, I'm just doing this because I want to put a stop to Ricks abusing Mortys like that and my Rick lets me be in charge for this investigation." "It's pretty cool that your Rick lets you be in charge." Morty C-133 said in amazement and C-137 also nodded his head to that. He knew that his Rick would never let him have the command unless he evoked his right to a Morty adventure, but even then he would constantly complain and give him a hard time. The other Morty sighed. "That actually just means that my Rick is gonna sit back and do nothing while I have to do all of the work. So yeah, it's not as amazing as you think it is. Anyways, could you tell me more about what had happened to you? I want to know if your cases could have something to do with these illegal brothels or the Ricks that are behind it." Morty C-137 and C-133 looked at each other at that before C-137 was the one to answer first. "I'm not really sure if the Rick that had kidnapped me has something to do with it. I mean, he had some weird dungeon underneath his hideout that was full of Mortys, but it didn't really seem to be a brothel…" Of course, he couldn't be too sure about that, but if it had been a brothel then there should have been at least other people – well, customers – too, right? "The Mercenary Ricks that had kidnapped me were actually hired by a Morty and they were actually supposed to "get rid of me" so I don't really think that it has anything to do with the incidents that happened to other Mortys." C-133 answered now. The investigating Morty agreed – at least to what Morty C-133 said, he still wasn't entirely sure about the Rick from C-137's story. "Do you guys have interdimensional mobile phones?" he asked. "I would like to add you to my contacts so I can maybe ask you for more information if I might need it. Also, I would inform you in case I hear anything about that mysterious Rick or Morty. By the way, I'm Morty from dimension K-4872." He finally introduced himself. "Ah, I'm from C-133. And yeah, I would like to add you, too." "Same. I'm from C-137." "Oh, you're the Morty from the "Rogue", huh?" K-4872 noticed. C-137 blushed a little at this, not aware that he and his Rick were actually that famous amongst other Ricks and Mortys. "It's funny that our dimensions are pretty close to each other." C-133 only commented towards C-137. The Mortys exchanged their numbers, actually happy that they were able to make friends with someone even if that someone was literally themselves, but they didn't mind that fact. Surely, it would be benefiting all of them if they would try to work on their individual problems together and the C-dimension Mortys also really wanted to help K-4872 clear up this case. Having just recently been victims of rape themselves, they wanted to prevent something horrible like that to happen to other Mortys. They were also very grateful that K-4872 would try to help them finding the culprits behind the crimes that were done to them, too. Not that they didn't have any faith in their Ricks, but you could never have enough help… The boys were so engaged in conversation that they didn't notice a Rick approaching them. He wore frameless, rectangular glasses, a black long-sleeved sweater with a blue short-sleeved and unbuttoned button-up shirt over it, brown slacks and black sneakers and he held a bag in his hand that smelled like burgers, fries and chicken nuggets. Apparently, he had gotten it from McSanchez – at least that's what was written on the bag in big, yellow letters. "Made some new friends?" Rick K-4872 asked his Morty. The boy turned around to his Rick and tried to explain that it was a bit more than just that. "These Mortys were in some incidents that might have something to do with the case that we're investigating." Well, the "we" was used very loosely here, seeing as Morty was the one bothered about this whole thing while his Rick acted as if he could care less – probably because no material award was awaiting him for their troubles. Figures… "I think that at least this "Mysterious Rick" sounds very suspicious since he seems to have kidnapped a bunch of Mortys and…" His Rick cut him quickly off. "Or, he's just a Morty trainer who wants a complete collection." He intervened. "I know that this is your investigation and all, but if you want some advice from me: you should stick to the leads that you have now, since they're more valid." Morty K-4872 huffed a little, but had to agree. So far, he only had vague assumptions about this Rick and those could hardly be considered a lead. Still, he didn't want to rule out any possibilities. Promising the other Mortys again that he would still keep an eye out for the Rick and the Morty that they were looking for, he left together with his Rick to go and have lunch while going over the information that he currently had again. He knew right from the start that cracking this case would not be an easy task, still he felt that it was something that he needed to do and he wouldn't back down until he exposed the criminal who was behind this illegal Morty brothel ring even if the authorities of the Citadel had failed in doing it so far…

While the Mortys had been talking amongst themselves, the C-dimension Ricks had a conversation of their own.

Looking around and seeing aliens and Ricks alike being followed by flocks of Mortys, C-133 couldn't help but comment on it.

"This whole "Pocket Mortys" business is really weird. I didn't even know that this was a thing since I usually don't visit the Citadel. Makes looking for the Morty that I'm searching for even more of a hassle…"

"Well yeah, who would have thought that having alternate versions of our grandson fighting each other would become so popular? At least this lets me make good use of my newest invention." C-137 claimed.

"And what's that supposed to be?" C-133 asked skeptically.

With a little triumphant sound, C-137 held up his

great invention

.

"This is my Mortytector. It locates every Morty in the multiverse and shows me not only their position, but also their dimension. This little baby also helped me when that Asshat-Rick had kidnapped my Morty."

A scowl was instantly on his face again at the memory of that guy.

C-133 mused silently that he could certainly use something like that, too, even though he had been very capable of finding his kidnapped Morty again without it thanks to the implanted microchip.

Still, at the moment, it wouldn't be of any use to him because un-fucking-fortunately, he didn't know from which dimension that little fuck he's looking for was.

However, he should probably get around building a similar device just in case that another Morty would try to replace his grandson again…

After the two Mortys had returned to their Ricks' side, C-137 cut the conversation short. "Well yeah, better get going if I ever wanna get my portal gun back."

"Yeah, I'll never find that little shit by standing around here either." C-133 agreed.

"Let's go, Morty." Both Ricks said simultaneously as they each went their separate ways, off-white lab coat billowing behind them.

Rick C-133 was a genius and he was a clever enough man to know that he won't be able to find that Morty just on his own. So, he actually called one of his acquaintances, Rick P-78, who agreed to meet him at one of the bars on the Citadel. Entering the appointed pub, C-133 didn't have to search long for the other. The P-dimension Rick easily stood out with his different clothes, – the gray, sleeveless lab coat and the black long-sleeved turtleneck shirt underneath it as well as equally black slacks that had emptied weapon holsters attached to them and a pair of brown boots – the scar that went vertically over the left side of his face, and that optical prosthesis in his left eye socket. Easily, he slid on the stool next to his acquaintance and ordered a whisky for himself that the Morty bartender quickly served up. His Morty took a seat next to him and only ask for a glass of water in his stuttering voice. P-78's Morty sat on another stool by his Rick's side and sipped something that looked like orange juice. "So, what's the big favor that you're asking for?" The Rick with the mechanical eye asked. "Long story short: I'm looking for a Morty." P-78 raised one side of his eyebrow and looked pointedly to the brown haired boy at his side. "Don't you already have one?" C-133 sighed exasperatedly. "Ha ha, very funny. I'm looking for a specific Morty, dipshit." The other Rick wasn't offended by the rude name-calling. He only waited for C-133 to continue. "H-hey, Morty? Why don't you go and play with that other Morty while I have a talk here, all right?" C-133 didn't need his grandson to overhear this whole thing. It was worse enough that he had been through it already so no need for him to relive the memory while he was retelling it to the other Rick. His Morty only nodded and slid a few stools over as he waited for the other Morty to join him. As Morty A-22β6 looked up at his Rick with a questioning gaze, the older man only nodded and the boy joined his fellow kind. While the Ricks were starting to talk in hushed voices, the Mortys started a conversation of their own. "So… you're Rick P-78's new Morty?" C-133 started a bit awkwardly. "Y-yeah. H-he's a-a really nice R-Rick…" A-22β6 stuttered. The extreme speech-impediment wasn't lost on the other, but he decided to not comment on it. "Um… why did you get a new Rick? I-I mean, what happened to yours— i-if you don't mind me asking?" Morty C-133 had hurried to add the last part, not sure if the other would be even comfortable talking about it. Even if most Ricks were assholes, many Mortys still loved their grandfather and would be very sad if he died. Especially if it was a very traumatizing death. It wasn't exactly as if Mortys were asking to get reassigned to other Ricks. Most of the time the Council of Ricks would decide such things over the boys' heads, often enough even taking Mortys from dimensions where no Ricks lived anymore just to have a few spare ones that they could redistribute to others whether those Ricks had once an affiliation with the Citadel or not. A-22β6 had been quite for a while and just as C-133 thought that he wouldn't answer, he began to speak. "M-my R-Rick is d-dead…" Even though that much was obvious even to Morty C-133, he still offered him his condolences "I'm sorry." "N-no. Don't b-be." A-22β6 continued. "I-I-I w-was the o-one, who k-killed him." "WHAT?!" C-133 quickly realized that that came out too loud even before he had the eyes of every Rick, Morty and alien in the near vicinity on him. "S-sorry." He apologized to the other patrons with a blush on his face. With wide eyes, he looked back at his conversational partner, silently urging him to continue. Aside from having a hard time believing that this extremely skittish Morty would have the guts to even do such a feat, he was obviously even more interested in getting to hear about the 'why'. Sure, Ricks were generally sociopathic madmen (some a little more and some a little less), but that didn't automatically warrant that they deserved to die – even if they had the talent to get their Mortys quickly riled up to the point that they wished to do it with all the bullshit that they were putting their grandsons through. "…H-he…" A-22β6 swallowed heavily before he seemed to find the strength in his voice to continue. "He was a-a r-really bad R-Rick. I m-mean r-really really b-bad…" The boy nervously stroked over the long yellow sleeves that were covering his arms. In a slightly squeaky voice he continued "…h-he abused me… a-and r-raped me even…" Sympathy immediately surged through C-133 at those words. It was certainly one thing to be abducted by some other Rick and have this happen to you, but having your actual Rick being such a sick bastard – having to endure that over and over again for who knows how long he had to live together with his grandfather – was an even more horrible fate. "Jeez, I'm really sorry about that…" he muttered, not sure how to respond to that. "Uh… you know… I kinda know what that's like…" The other Morty finally dared to look up into his eyes. He had turned his face away and stared at the ground after they had started with the topic of his original Rick. "R-really? Y-you d-do?" A-22β6 asked in surprise. It still wasn't easy for C-133 to talk about it even if he had told Morty C-137 and K-4872 just recently. The memory was still fresh in his mind and so far, his Rick hadn't given him a break so that he had some time to think about or even properly process it yet. The time that he had scrubbed his skin raw in the shower didn't quite count… "Yeah, just… just recently I-I was kidnaped by some Ricks and they also…" His voice trailed off at the end, but he didn't need to finish the sentence. It was obvious what he wanted to say and A-22β6 sincerely felt sorry for his alternate version as well. "You know, apparently this seems to be a weird "trend" among Ricks…" C-133 continued after a little bit silence. "Huh?" "Well, I heard from another Morty that a lot of Mortys are recently getting kidnapped and sold off in illegal Morty brothels." A-22β6's eyes widened at that. He seriously didn't know that something like that was happening at the Citadel at the time. His Rick certainly hadn't mentioned anything about that. Morty C-133 explained all the details to him and added him to his contacts while also giving him the numbers of the other Mortys. Since Rick P-78 would help them out, his Morty was also more than willing to do whatever he could to help. However, A-22β6 still felt like he needed to add something. "Y-you kn-know, not a-all R-Ricks are l-like that though… T-there are a-also s-some really n-nice ones who d-don't just u-use Mortys." He hoped that his words would cheer the other Morty up because he knew that it was the truth. Since he had met Rick Q-89, who was a Rick that did have sex with Mortys, he knew that this alternate version of his grandfather was very different and a really nice guy. Morty A-22β6 really liked him and the only Rick that he could ever like more than him was P-78. He tried not to blush at the thought, but he felt a definite warmth in his chest at the thought. The Ricks meanwhile were still whispering in their conversation, C-133 laying everything of what had happened down on table. "So, you see. I somehow have to find that little piece of shit." He finished his story. After taking another sip from his drink, he added, "I know that you're the only Rick who I can ask about this because you got some experience of your own how dangerous a Morty can be. Most Ricks wouldn't ever consider a Morty a threat, but this mysterious Morty is gonna mean serious business. All of us Ricks should always keep in mind that a cocky Morty means a lot of trouble…" P-78 had listened quietly through the whole story. With one last gulp, he finished his drink and put the empty glass back down on the counter. "'Kay. You can count me in. I'm gonna help you hunt that little shit down." He said. As he looked over at A-22β6, he thought that this wasn't only to help out an old friend, but also for the safety of his own Morty. He wouldn't know what he'd do if something like that would happen to his little boy…

The C-137 duo made their way towards the Morty Day Care. Morty was honestly not quite sure what to think about that particular shop. However, after having been to a daycare that was full of alternate versions of his dad – the Jerryboree – he probably shouldn't feel surprised that Ricks would come up with the idea to do the same thing for Mortys. Still, he couldn't say that he didn't feel at least a bit offended about it… For Rick, any place to ask was as good as the next one and seeing that there was a long line at the Morty Healing Center and Rick somehow wanted to avoid Salesman Rick's shop, he picked the place that had the shortest line – and there the last customer just left and C-137 wouldn't even have to wait at all! As he approached the Rick, which had a permanent frown on his face and a toothpick between his lips, he could actually see some scribbles on his right arm. Rick C-137 recognized it as a formula that he had just come up with last week – it was a more efficient recipe for dark matter fuel. As he and his Morty came to stand in front of the counter, the other moved the toothpick to the corner of his mouth in a routinely manner to freely talk without obstructions. "Welcome to Morty Day Care!" Storage Rick said in a monotone voice from always having to say this same sentence a few hundred times a day, day in and day out. "What do you want? Store, Withdraw, Bootcamp or Combine?" "Wait? You can actually combine Mortys? Seriously?" Rick C-137 asked. Wow, what kind of Rick had come up with that sick idea? He was certainly a genius! "Yeah, if you have two Mortys of the same type, you can fuse them together to get an evolved Morty who is better and stronger than the two previous ones… You're a noob, aren't you?" he asked, eyeing first Rick and then his Morty before bringing his attention back to the Rick again. "Yeah, I'm new to this whole game. Care to explain the rules since the Council didn't bother with it?" "Sure. It's simple. You just go out there, using the communal portal gate at CentRick Square, which will teleport you to a random, registered dimension. There you can find Morty trainers who will want to battle you and Wild Mortys that you can fight or catch. Also, there is always a Rick who's like the boss of that dimension and who you will have to challenge to win a badge. And in case that you don't have a portal gun of your own, you'll have to beat him to get back to the Citadel." Storage Rick rattled the explanation down in a monotone voice as if he was in a hurry to get this whole thing done. Why did the noobs always have to ask him about the rules? There were many other Ricks to bother around… "Okay, that sounds pretty simple, but how do I do that whole Morty catching business? I mean, I can't just walk up and ask if they're interested in joining me or something like that." C-137 interjected. He was really trying to stay focused even though the rules were easy enough that a little kid could understand how it works, but he was quickly being bored with these explanations and just wanted to have this over and done with as quickly as the Rick behind the counter. Go through portal, defeat trainers, catch Mortys, defeat Ricks – got it! It wasn't that hard! "Of course not. You let your Morty fight against a Wild Morty to weaken them and then you have to plant a Morty Manipulator Chip on them. When the LED on the chip lights up green, you were successful and the caught Morty will think that you're his Rick and will follow you." "Okay and where do I get an injector and those manipulator chips?" "Are you for real? C'mon, you're a Rick." Storage Rick inquired with one side his eyebrow raised. "You can make these things yourself. Fortunately, you can find spare parts scattered across the dimensions and workstations are set up all over the place." Storage Rick suppressed the urge to sigh. Who knows how often he had these conversations already. "Really?! I have to handcraft all the stuff that I need by myself? That's taking way too long! I-I mean I have stuff to get done here, man!" C-137 complained. "Well, you can actually buy Morty Manipulator Chips from Salesman Rick, but he's only authorized to sell them to advanced trainers. I know, it's real tough for newcomers, but I guess this is kinda like, you know, sorting the wheat from the chaff. There are so many people, who think that this Morty training business is such a cool thing, but as soon as they find out how much work is behind it all, they just lose heart and give up. So, you know, all of the ones that are still participating in it are hardcore enthusiast who take this seriously." At least Storage Rick wished that would be the case, but he worked so long in this job that he knew better by now. "Well, at least you already have a Mortypad." Storage Rick commented at seeing the former iPad in the other Rick's hand. "This is a Mortytector." C-137 corrected with a crease in his eyebrow that showed his displeasure about thinking it was the same thing that every other Rick ran around with. Storage Rick looked unimpressed. The scientist from the C dimension continued. "Okay, fine. Anything else that is worth knowing?" Rick C-137 was getting annoyed and just wanted to get started so he could get this whole ordeal over with soon. "Not really. Oh, but one more thing: you can only have five Mortys with you at once. If you capture one more, a Courier Flap will get that one and bring it to me for storage. So, if you want that one in your team, you will have to come here first and exchange them…" It was kind of a stupid rule, but Storage Rick wasn't making the rules here. Before Rick C-137 had the chance to comment on that, his Morty suddenly interposed "Why five?" "What?" both Ricks asked back in unison and looked down at him with an equal, questioning, but also annoyed expression on their faces. "Why is it that you can only be accompanied by five Mortys at a time? That number seems pretty random to me." "It's not random. Everyone knows that you don't need more than five Mortys." Storage Rick replied dryly. "Exactly, Morty! Because it's enough to have five Mortys and-" Rick C-137 stopped in the middle of the sentence as he remembered the reaction that Morty had when he told him about his experimenting with five Mortys and a jumper cable – which was, of course, completely hypothetical! His Morty looked expectantly at him to finish his sentence yet looked like he probably wasn't going to like what he would have to say and so he quickly continued "Anyways, no one needs more than five Mortys. There never was a Rick who had or needed more than five Mortys and that's canon." "So, you mean to say that you would only need five to win our portal gun back?" "Yeah. That's what I said, Morty. And now shut up!" Turning back to the Rick behind the counter, he asked "Oh, by the way. Do you happen to know a Rick that is nicknamed Mysterious Rick? Black hat, red cape…" Storage Rick cut him off and was almost tempted to ask who didn't know this guy by now. "Yeah, I know the weirdo but haven't seen him since he withdrew all of his Mortys. Figures that he probably stopped playing and released his Mortys in the wild." Of course, Storage Rick was sure that that was not the case. There was no way that that mortyphile would actually do that, but seriously, it wasn't his business what that Rick did. If he had to guess, he figured though that Mysterious Rick must have rubbed the newbie  the wrong way and probably tried to get his Morty. His guess was pretty much confirmed as he could see how uncomfortable the little Morty looked about the current topic. "Well, okay. That's too bad then, 'cause I thought that I might meet him here. Whatever. Let's go, Morty." Rick C-137 had heard enough and just wanted to get into battle now. He actually had to collect a shitload of badges if he wanted to fight against the Council and he had to catch some Mortys to get himself a decently strong team so that he could beat them up properly. "No, wait, Rick. I still have some questions." His Morty interjected once again and turned towards Storage Rick. "I-I've heard that there is an increase in Morty abductions on the Citadel. Have-have you heard anything about that? I mean, do Mortys happen to vanish from here, too?" Storage Rick's eyes narrowed the slightest bit at the question and suddenly the Guard Rick that was stationed at the electric fence burped loudly and shifted a little in his stance, momentarily distracting the keeper of the Day Care and causing him to quickly glance over to the guard for a brief moment before he finally answered. "Don't worry. Morty Day Care is the safest place that any Morty could ever be at on the Citadel. I'm leading a proper business here and got nothing to do with that so nothing of the likes happens here. But, hey—you know, if you're looking for suspicious Ricks there are plenty around." Storage Rick started to gesture with his hands. Pointing over in the direction of the Healing Center that was literally next door, he continued, "Have you met Surgeon Rick yet? That guy's not quite right in the head. You know, I've heard that they won't assign any Mortys to him anymore and he's been degraded from his position as a Paramedic of the Citadel's Militia because of the same reason. I also think that he shows a little too much interested in Mortys." Storage Rick paused a little in his speech to make a face and shifted his toothpick from the left corner of his mouth to the right one. "I also see sometimes Mortys going in, but never coming out again, not even their corpses or whatever. It's also quite suspicious that there are bloody Morty clothes in the dumpster behind that place every so often. I don't know what you think, but I tell you that the guy has Morty blood on his hands and not just from healing wounded ones." Morty made a face at the mentioning of the blood, but Storage Rick didn't stop there yet. "He also seems to be in on something with that Rick from Morty Labs, so that guy is probably worth checking out, too. Those guys are not the only ones though. I think you should also check out Salesman Rick from the Morty Item Store. The guy's always all smiles, but I have a feeling that he's hiding something. And you know he's the only one that has free limited access to those Morty Manipulator Chips. For all we know these things could be used to easily kidnap Mortys." He seemed to pause a little bit in thought while Morty C-137 tried to process all the information that he received. His Rick was barely listening to all the droning. Why was his Morty suddenly interested in that crap that had absolutely nothing to do with them? Storage Rick seemed to remember one more thing. "Oh, I guess you should also check out Dirty Rick. I mean that guy has "Dirty" in his nickname and he certainly is a really shady guy. You can find him at the Morty Games Colosseum." "O-okay. Thank you." While all of that information was a bit overwhelming, it was a starting point. Since he doubted that his Rick would give him the time to check all of those places out, he would just have to contact the other Mortys and tell them about this. Maybe they could share the work and figure something out by working together. The thought made him a little excited. "What-what is this suddenly about? Morty kidnappings?" his Rick asked in confusion. Oh, right. He should probably let his Rick in on this whole thing that was going on. Morty could imagine that he probably wouldn't help out and complain that they don't have time for this crap, but maybe he would be in a good enough mood to allow Morty at least to investigate a bit on this. He just had to bring up that the others would also be helping out with looking for Mysterious Rick. It wasn't a completely one-sided thing – they would all help out each other! As Morty C-137 explained to his Rick what was going on, the scientist already decided that this thing wasn't really his deal and he would only focus on getting back his portal gun and find that Mysterious Rick to pay him back for what he had done. If his Morty wanted to play detective and help some of those other Ricks and Mortys then he could do that, but he shouldn't count too much on Ricks help for it. Since they were entangled in their own conversation, none of them paid any more attention to Storage Rick as they left. The Rick of the Morty Day Care waited patiently till the duo was out of sight, watching them with narrowed eyes. As soon as they were gone, Storage Rick called one of his Worker Mortys over. "Hey, Morty. Come over here." he called out. In an instant as if he could only mean one Morty in the entire Day Care with that, a Blue Shirt Morty was standing at his side. "Take over the counter for a moment. I need a smoke break…"

Bonus: ***extra to the conversation between Morty K-4872, C-133 and C-137*** "So, what kind of facilities are you talking about exactly? I mean, what's that Morty orphanage?" C-137 asked now curious since he wasn't too well versed with the Citadel. "We're calling it Mortyphanage here." K-4872 corrected. "Yeah. What's up with those places?" C-133 also wondered about that. "The Mortyphanage is one of the three main facilities where Ricks can get new Mortys. Even if Ricks hate to admit it, they need us Mortys—" "Yeah, because of our brainwaves…" C-137 threw in. K-4872 looked at him funny now. "Well, that probably, too, but it's not the only reason. Ricks are very depressed and self-destructive so they need someone who looks up to them and cares for them. But like I said, they try to deny it, because of their stupid pride." Both C-dimension Mortys nodded. They understood now even if they probably haven't ever really thought about it like that. "Anyways…" K-4872 continued his explanation. "…the Mortyphanage is where they put obviously the orphaned Mortys. Those who not only have no Rick, but also no family anymore. Sometimes, they don't even have a home dimension that they could be returned to. Now, you would think that those Mortys are the first ones who would be reassigned to a Rick, but most Ricks think that these Mortys are "broken". Aside from that, there's very strict requirements that needs to be upheld by the Rick, not to mention the fee that needs to be paid. Many Ricks think that it's not worth it, so these Mortys are the least desirable ones and don't get adopted very often. Another facility where Ricks can get Mortys is Morty Academy. Mortys who have lost more than one Rick are generally being placed here because the Council thinks that if the Ricks, who these Mortys are assigned to, keep dying, it's somehow their fault. Not because Ricks are suicidal and self-destructive and can make mistakes sometimes that get them killed. So, they put those Mortys into a learning program, where they basically try to shape them into perfect companions for Ricks. And the only thing that Ricks need to do it is to register themselves there within a certain time span. Aside from that fee again, of course. Obviously, these Mortys are the most desirable ones and everyone who manages to graduate will definitely be assigned to a Rick. The assignment is determined by the time that Ricks need to show up for the waiting line and for the Mortys by how well they did on their graduation certificate. It's basically that the first Rick in the line will get the first Morty that gets called up and the first Morty that will be called up will be the valedictorian and the grades will go down from there. The only downside about it is that Ricks will only be able to get a Morty on graduation day. And then there's the Morty Reassignment Center. This used to be the first and only place where Ricks could get a new Morty – or receive one for the first time if they happen to be from a dimension where they never had a Morty to begin with. Even up to this day, it is the main facility where Ricks will go to get a Morty. This is also the only place where Ricks won't have to pay a fee if they happen to have a free Morty voucher that the Council sometimes hands out as a reward." C-137 emitted an indignant sniff at the mentioning of the voucher. K-4872 continued, undeterred. "The Center does have a storage place for Mortys that have been picked up after their Ricks died, but they also relocate Ricks to rickless dimensions where they integrate themselves into the Smith family as the new Rick of that dimension. However, most Ricks dislike the Reassignment Center because of all the paperwork and long waiting times. They can also not choose which Morty they are assigned to as you could at Mortyphanage or to a certain degree at Morty Academy. Some Ricks can also get a ban if they lose too many Mortys within a short amount of time. So that's that." Both C-dimension Mortys looked with big eyes at the other brunet as they let all of the new information soak in. They certainly hadn't been to the Citadel often enough that they knew anything about its inner workings. Knowing about all that made them also realize that Ricks were really serious in needing a Morty at their side if they put so much work behind assigning them. In fact, Ricks seemed to need Mortys more than Mortys actually needed Ricks…

AN: This first chapter is more of an intro. The real story begins from next chapter onwards and you will see the structure of how this is all going to be told. Also decided to add these little bonus things at the end, because I've done that for another (later) chapter and thought "why not do it for every chapter of this story?" Sometimes they will be informative (like the one in this chapter) and add to the world building and other times they will be just funny. I hope you'll like this story so far and will enjoy what's later to come :)

Part 11 of Entricked Fates

Chapter 2

Part 1 of Entricked Fates: Gotta Catch Me Some Morty

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Part 2 of Entricked Fates: Mortyfied and Rickfused

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Part 3 of Entricked Fates: Ricking the Routine

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Part 4 of Entricked Fates: Ricks will always be Ricks

oneshot

Part 5 of Entricked Fates: The Morty-Lover

oneshot

Part 6 of Entricked Fates: Second Chances AKA The Rick One For Me

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Part 7 of Entricked Fates: Rickvestigating the Morty Disappearances

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Part 8 of Entricked Fates: When the Morty’s away, the Rick will play

oneshot

Part 9 of Entricked Fates: It’s Not His Ricking Fault!

oneshot

Part 10 of Entricked Fates: I Ricking Hate My Life!

oneshot

Part 12 of Entricked Fates: The Mortys and their Stories

Chapter 1

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Give In (IV)

Idris Elba X Reader “Zanzee” Mini Series (6 Part Mini Series)

 Warning: Slow burn, angst, plot,

 Word Count: 7.6K

 Summary: For the past 5 months has worked on the set of the “Hobbs & Shaw” movie. She works close to all the main actors and is there to answer any whim they may have as the "Set Concierge". She holds herself to a high professional level and refuses to stray from the right side of that pesky, thin grey line that those in the entertainment industry easily jump over.

 Note: Will go through 1 week in the life of Zanzee Grant. Ya’ll I’m afraid this is as close as I will EVER get to a one shot. SMH. I cannot write a one shot to save my life.

 ***Loosely Edited/Proofread***

 ***Interactive Chapter***

 ****Thank you guys for reading. I appreciate it as ALWAYS! If you enjoyed this please LIKE and REBLOG.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Thursday-

 “Cut!” David shouted, a loud alarm rang, and all movement stopped.

 David sprang to his feet from his director’s chair and walked toward Idris who was hanging his head.

“Idris, what’s going on man. This is the fourth take of this scene. I never need four takes with you.”

 Idris rubbed the back of his neck, he clearly looked agitated.

 “Sorry David, I don’t know what’s going on,” he explained.

 “What do you need from me to help you with this scene?”

 Idris looked speechless as if he had no idea what he needed. He dropped his head again but smacked his palm to his forehead a few times in an effort to pump himself up.

 “I’ll get it,” Idris continued.

 “I know you will buddy but we’re kind of on a time crunch. We’ve only got this particular spot for nine more hours. We kind of have to get this laid today no ifs, ands or buts,” David added.

 Idris nodded and looked around the set. He’d been distracted all day, late with his actions, forgetful of his lines, dazed. And just out of it. It was completely out of character for him. He was always on. He looked at all the faces looking at him no doubt wondering what the hell was wrong with him. He quickly glanced at Dwayne and Jason off to the side who gave him a solemn look of solidarity. He sighed again and saw Zanzee. She was at the corner of the freeway perched on a cement block. The tension he’d felt in his shoulder blades returned. He knew what his problem was. Zanzee was his problem. He looked away from her before his eyes could roam her figure and looked down to his feet.

 He’d been all fucked up since last night when she shot him down, hard. When he got back to his place he couldn’t sleep, all he could do was kick himself for putting her in that position that he was sure she’d been put in countless times before. He’d propositioned her to sleep with him. He was not that man. Yeah. He’d had his share of set conquests and yes, those conquests had been leaked to the tabloids, but he was an actor, with how much he worked this was literally one of his only ways of meeting people. Not only did he proposition her, but he also let it slip just how much he thought about her. The entire night he obsessed over it and now today he was wallowing in the fact that she didn’t want him, she didn’t want him in the slightest bit looking at how quickly and easily she shut him down. Now his pride, and ego was bruised. If he were one hundred percent honest with himself it was more than his pride and ego, his feelings were hurt too.

 “Let’s take five, give you some time to get your head in the game and we’ll come back, eh,” David suggested. He nodded and turned his back to the majority of the crew. He looked out to the water under the freeway and took a few breathes. He walked to the railing and gripped the cement and groaned loudly.

 “Fuck!”

 He looked back to the water and saw several boats out with fans holding signs. He kissed his teeth. Privacy was something of the past. He always had to be on, always had to be prepared there would be a camera or a fan in his face. He always had to be on and ready to please, except when he was around Z. she never made him feel like the actor, never made him feel like he had to be on, he was always just Idris around her. He closed his eyes and tried to push any and all thoughts of the beautiful set concierge out his head. He took a few deep breaths and tried to get his head back in the game, he had a job to do nursing his bruised ego and hurt feelings would have to wait.

 Once David yelled “action” again he pushed through the scenes and laid them, not effortlessly but professionally. It wasn’t until nearly six he had any time to himself. He used it to lock himself in his trailer and focus on some music. Yes, he was avoiding her, and he didn’t care if she knew it. He couldn’t face her, he was too embarrassed, and he didn’t trust himself to be able to keep his eyes on her face. Every time she looked as if she was approaching him, he’d go in the other direction. If he saw she was where he wanted to go, he’d hold off and divert his path, if someone mentioned they’d call her for something he made an excuse to leave. It was exhausting.

 A knock broke him out of his concentration. He opened his trailer door and saw her standing there holding a box. All knowledge of the English language flew out his brain and he stood there in gaping silence.

 “Hey,” she said. He nodded and looked down.

 “Hey Z.”

 He felt his heart begin to pound a reaction he’d felt tens of times before but one he paid attention to now.

 “Were you busy? Am I interrupting?” she asked. He shook his head.

 “No, you’re good. What’s up? What can I do for you?”

 Hearing the way, the question sounded he shook his head.

 “I mean is there something I can do for you? I don’t mean for it to sound—” He trailed off. She pinched her lips together.

 “Sorry.” He said and rubbed the back of his neck again.

 “Its cool. This came for you and was sent to me so I’m here delivering it to you.” she held out the box to him.

 He took a step closer and gathered the box from her hands and brushed her fingers. She quickly pulled her hands back and he saw her flex her fingers before hiding her hands behind her back. His interest rose.

 “You okay?”

 “Yeah, yeah, totally fine,” she said before silence engulfed the space between you again. After a few moments she began taking a few steps back.

 “All right, I have a lot to do. See ya.” She turned and walked away, he stood there looking over her back as she disappeared across the lot. He walked back inside and kicked the table, he’d ruined everything by opening his mouth.

 When he returned to set he ducked into one of the production rooms hoping for one more moment to prepare himself. He walked in and heard Z’s voice.

 ���Keep your shit together Z, keep it together. Two more months, you can make that work. Two more months and you won’t have to see him ever again.”

 Idris looked down feeling like shit, she was talking about him. He’d creeeped her out so badly that she was counting down the days until she could run in the opposite direction. He began to back away trying to ignore the painful disappointment settling inside him when he heard her speak again, instead of hearing anymore he hurried back out the door hating himself a little more than before.

 Filming the rest of the night was almost torture, she watched but from a distance. He kept to himself and tried not to watch her. Every time he looked her way she was already watching him. At one time he could have sworn he saw her looking at his ass before she looked away. She always stayed away from him, an action he wasn’t surprised by given what he’d heard in the production room. she was probably desperately trying to keep him away.

When it was close to nine Jason and Dwayne blocked him in a corner and badgered him for some answers to his behavior all day. He tired to push it all off claiming a hangover but the didn’t believe him. After nearly ten minutes of badgering, he gave in and told them everything. Dwayne looked confused and concerned while Jason looked amused, he was on the damn brink of laughter. When he busted out laughing Idris rolled his eyes.

 “I’m glad this situation amuses you.”

 “I jus--, I’m sorry, I—” he stuttered through his laughs.

 Dwayne placed his hand on idris’ shoulder before he shook his head. They both waited for Jason to finish. After a full two minutes he composed himself and sighed out.

 “Ah man, I’m good now. I promise.”

 Idris rolled his eyes again.

 “Glad to know I can give you some comedy. Don’t worry about laughing at my problems,” he said.

 “Problems? What problems?” Jason questioned.

 “Were you not listening bruv?”

 “You said you indirectly suggested you have sex and she said she works for you and not under you. I heard you,” Jason skimmed.

 “All right then. She’s avoided me all day, given I’ve been avoiding her too. After what I heard it’s clear I’ve cocked-up everything,” he finished.

 “What else did she say?” Dwayne asked.

 “Besides what I said already just that she has standards and holds herself to a particular level and what not.”

 “There you go. For that reason, you I know you haven’t cocked up in the way you think. You cocked up by not taking it further and telling her you weren’t after a measly screw. You let her think you were after some one-night shag. That is where you cocked up,” Jason explained. Idris looked at him and thought about his words and back to last night.

 “I didn’t hear a no, I heard she doesn’t normally sleep with actors, and she’s not like the other women who stalk this industry. I heard her pushing you away,” Dwayne finished.

 “That’s a nice alternative but it doesn’t explain what I just overheard.”

 “Who knows what she was referring to. Bruv, she’s into you,” Jason added.

 “I agree, I think she just doesn’t want to be the cliché set assistant and sleep with the actors. She’s above it and not the kind of easy conquests you’re used to. That should have been you opening to tell her she wasn’t and it’s more than sex for you,” Dwayne counseled.

 Idris nearly laughed out loud.

 “How the hell do you know it’s more than sex?”

 “Here we go. We’ve watched you for the last five months, we’ve seen everything we know you’re really keen on her. We know you’ve tried to play it off for months and tried to act cool like she doesn’t affect you but dude it’s obvious.”

 He rolled his eyes, he was getting annoyed with all of this.

 “I think that was her last-ditch effort in keeping you away. Her biggest move in making sure nothing happens between the two of you. If you think she doesn’t fancy you then you’re a plonker,” Jason theorized.

 He thought about her actions over the last five months and even last night. He then went over and over her words. Then he thought about how she watched him all day and began to think maybe they were right, but he got stuck on her words from earlier. He looked around the lot and saw her off in the distance again this time talking to that other set assistant that was clearly into her. She had an unreadable expression on her face as she stared at him. He looked like he was talking about something quite animatedly. He touched her elbow and it was there his touch lingered. Idris looked at his hand and didn’t like the way he felt seeing another man quite possibly flirt with her.

 “I say we test the theory and put it to bed once and for all,” Jason broke through his thoughts.

 “And how do you suggest we do that?”

 “I have a plan,” he said with a wide grin on his face while looking in Z’s direction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-ZanZee-

 “This is a bad idea,” you said.

 “What do you mean a bad idea? There is no world where a party is a bad idea,” Andra piped up. You rolled your eyes.

 “Who throws together a party in under six hours anyway?”

 “The rich is who honey child and we are going to partake and take advantage of all the opulence, and free food we can, you know a girl is always hungry,” she said.

 “Plus when was the last time you went to a party ms I’m boring as hell and live to work not work to live?” Lexi said with a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

 “Whatever bitch! At least I got a job,” you responded. You all laughed out. Lexi was boyfriend was drafted into the MLB and since then he didn’t want her working. She gave up a cushy spot at a top law firm to let him take care of her and every day of it was sweet torture. She didn’t have the guts to tell him she enjoyed working because he wanted to take care of her.

 “Low blow,” Lexi gasped. You rolled your eyes.

 “Please tell me that is not what you’re wearing,” Xio said. You looked over your body and looked back to her.

 “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

 “Girl, did you even try?” Xio asked pinching the flannel you wore as a dress.

 “What the hell is wrong with this?”

 “Nothing, it’s cute and everything but girl this is a celebrity party, not a house party. You need to bring it and serve all levels of bawdy!” Andra said as she dropped it down to the floor and popped a mini twerk. You snorted and shook your head unable to contain yourself.

 “Girl, keep all a dat’ over there.”

 “No Xio’s right, this is finally your chance to show those people that there is more to you than work. Give them the chance to see what you offer,” Lexi said.

 “So, what I offer is bawdy?”

 “You know what we mean. You got a banging body Z, it’s almost as poppin’ as your personality. They know bout the personality time to show the rest of the package,” Lexi added in a rare compliment that wasn’t backed by something snarky. You took a deep breath and rolled your eyes.

 “Plus., it’ll give one of them actors a chance to see what they’re missing. Guaranteed once they see you all fuckable they won’t be able to keep their shit together,” Andra added.

 You looked in the mirror and knew they weren’t going to let this go. They rushed into your bedroom each of them pulling clothes from your closet. You wouldn’t admit it to them but that was the plan. This outfit was party enough and it still kept the attention off you, no one would look at you differently. Idris wouldn’t see you any differently. If he propositioned, you again you wouldn’t say no.

 All this morning you kept thinking you’d fucked up from last night. You thought you’d screwed up with not saying yes and showing him all the tricks, you had up your sleeve. You chastised yourself endlessly and went over and over what you could have said, should have said, could have done probably should have done. You felt like you missed a huge opportunity, one that you really wanted but for reasons that went deeper than the surface couldn’t take advantage of.

 You went over and over it and at one point got upset that he thought so little of you that he would try to make a move, then you jumped out of that space and went into fangirl mode that thee Idris Elba was going to make a move on you, you of all people. Then as soon as you thought that you were filled with regret before it was washed away with annoyance. All day everything in you wanted to tell him you made a mistake and just do it but you didn’t. your mother’s words echoed in your head; “A lady always thinks about the repercussions of their actions before making a single move, if the repercussions are anything but favorable a lady makes no action.” She’d drilled that into your head since you were old enough to speak and after nearly twenty-eight years it had done it’s fair share of irreparable damage.

 You felt like such a bitch, a lying, punk bitch. Deep down you worried your friends were right. You were boring and you’d be single forever because you sabotaged every possible relationship or experience you encounter. You took a deep breath and tried to shake off the feelings filling you.

 “Get our shit together Z.”

 You rolled your shoulders back and in came your friends, each holding a different outfit. You rolled your eyes and wanted to run away from the ratchet fashion montage that you saw headed your way. So, the next hour passed with you trying on more outfits than you wanted, posing this way and that way all for their amusement. Everything you tried on showcased a particular part of your body, from the outfit Lexi picked, to the floss Xio picked and the ensemble Andra picked. You weren’t going to lie they were all cute, but it was a lot more effort than you wanted to put in. In the end you decided to do this under your own terms instead of being dressed by them.

By the time you made it to the location it was almost one in the morning. The street was practically dark except the neon shine from a few other neighboring establishments. You and your friends climbed out the black car and walked toward the three-story brick building and gave the security in front your name and he checked his clipboard and nodded granting you entrance inside. You and your friends looped arms and walked inside. The red-light hue stopped you all in your tracks.

 “What the hell?” you asked. They kept walking down the long hallway and pulled you along. You looked around as you came to the opening of the space, it was now a mix of purple and red.

 “Wow, not bad for a party put together in under six hours,” Lexi shouted in your hear over the music. You narrowed your eyes at her ignoring her chuckling.

 “So, what’s the plan ladies?” Xio asked looking around.

 “Two drinks first, then divide and conquer,” Andra said.

 The four of you walked down the steps and made your way through the bodies that were scattered around. Your arms never left each other. once you made it to the bar you fought for a spot and claimed it. You bopped your head to the music and looked around the club. You saw a few of your coworkers but made no move to say hello, you needed more than two drinks in you to begin the elbow rubbing.

 “What can I get you beautiful ladies?” the bartender asked.

 Andra smiled widely and twirled her curly hair around her finger.

 “What would you recommend?”

 “Well it depends what you like,” the bartender responded.

 “Oh me? I can go with the flow, I like whatever you like.” You rolled your eyes.

 “I like mixing two or more together,” he said leaning to her also.

 “The more the merrier,” Andra finished. It was clear they were no longer talking about liquor if they ever were.

 “Anyway, I’ll take a shot of henny,” Xio interjected.

 “Me too,” Lexi chimed in.

 “Grapefruit and vodka shot bomb,” Andra ordered.

 The bartender looked to you as did your friends.

 “What’ll it be tonight Z? who are we fuckin wit’ tonight?” Xio asked.

 You thought for a few moments and shrugged giving in to the bad influences of your friends and the small side of you that lived to act without caring about repercussions.

 “Tequila and whiskey shot bomb.”

 Your friends erupted in cheers and claps. You shook your head.

 “Finally, Zesty Zanzee is coming out to play!” Xio shouted and did her best Xena war cry that all your friends echoed. You laughed and shook your head. The bartender placed each of your drinks before you. You each took them up, you prepared to drink it but Xio stopped you.

“Wait, what are we drinking to?”

 “The fine selection of prime grade A man!” Andra shouted. You all shrugged and nocked back your shots. From the first taste of the tequila and whiskey mix you knew tonight would be an unforgettable one. As the burn traveled through you, you shivered.

 The next thing you knew you were dancing with your friends on the dancefloor with another drink in your hand. You swayed your body to the music and cared about nothing else. Your friends egged you on and you obliged every ratchet request, from the milly rock, to the nae-nae, and busted it wide open with your twerk. Your dancing brought the boys to the yard just like Kelis predicted. You turned down your fair share of advances and by the time you turned down the fifth guy you looked over and saw Idris sitting in a booth with Dwayne and Jason, there were a few women around them and you couldn’t tell if he knew you were there. One of the staff approached you, whispered in your ear and pointed to their area. You nodded, tapped your friends and made your way over.

When you climbed up the steps and approached the booth Jason was the first to stand and open his arms wide.

 “You made it Z.” you smiled and nodded.

 “I did. Didn’t know it was possible to put together a party in one day.” He shrugged.

 “I am a man of many talents, and my money is a super power,” he informed.

 “Sort of like Batman,” Xio piped up. Jason looked at her and you saw the minute he turned on his charm. Oh boy you thought.

 “And who is this angel?”

“Ah, this devilish angel is my friend Xio.”

 Xio held out her hand, smiled and batted her eyelashes.

 “Xiomara,” she said rolling her tongue to the rs. You internally snorted and shook your head.

 “It is a pleasure to meet you Xiomara,” Jason echoed. She smiled and bite her bottom lip.

 “Uh-huh, and this is Lexi and Andra.”

 Jason shook their hands as well followed by Dwayne. The moment Idris joined them your eyes roamed his body, he looked good.

 “You’re joining us, come on,” Jason said ushering your friends to find a seat. The only one that was left was close to Idris and a separate woman he was talking to. You scoffed and sat down, crossing your legs.

 He didn’t look at you, he was too wrapped up in his conversation. You looked at the woman, she was pretty, and her skin looked flawless. She wore a cute black and white figure-hugging dress that looked made for her. You thought she had to be a model. You didn’t realize how long you were staring at her until she looked at you and smiled. You returned the smile but looked away. You got up and walked to the private bar and placed an order for a few tequila shots. You leaned on the bar and took out your phone and skimmed your timeline. You slid on one of the stools and crossed your legs, the split on your dress showed your thigh and you didn’t care to adjust it.

 You took up one of the three shots the bartender placed before you and knocked it back without a breath, followed by the second. When you took up the third you turned and saw Idris looking at you. your eyes met and there they remained. You sucked in the last shot never taking your eyes off him and sucked your bottom lip into your mouth. At this point you’d lost track of how many drinks you’d had. Before the stare could continue Jason drew his attention away. You breathed out, rolled your eyes and turned back to the bar annoyed. You didn’t know what you expected but this wasn’t it. You looked back over, and he was again talking to the pretty woman. You stifled a groan, got up and walked away leaving the booth area and making it to the bathroom.

You stood in front of the mirrors and got a grip. He didn’t owe you anything. You told him no and he had every right to move on, and look for a willing party. Your ego was bruised because it was just last night, and it didn’t take him long. After a few minutes you walked back out determined to enjoy the rest of the night. As you walked back to the bar you bumped into a hard body. Before you fell backwards, he pulled you into his and held you there. You looked up into Idris’ eyes and your knees buckled. His strong arms were there keeping you from hitting the ground. One arm was wrapped around your waist and the other held your hip. Everyone in the room disappeared but the two of you. his eyes bore into you and you swore he could see all your secrets including the bullshit one of you not wanting him. His fingers tightened on your hip and that drew a sultry moan from you as you pressed against him more leaving not even a sliver of space between you. you could feel every hard plane of his body including the hardness that was growing against your belly. You bit your bottom lip and momentarily drug your had across his muscled chest.

“Goddamn you’re perfect,” you groned out before you could stop yourself. As soon as you said it you heard it. You cleared your throat and pulled back creating an inch of space between you.

 “You look amazing Zanzee,” Idris complimented. You smiled small and nodded.

 “Thanks, didn’t think you noticed. You’ve been otherwise occupied with tall, dark and curvy over there all night,” you said. The jealously in your voice was clear and it disgusted you.

 “Her? Eh.” He shrugged without giving any explanation. You wanted to kick yourself for expecting and wanting one.

 “Right, feel free to get back to her, no need to play my night and shining armor,” you said. He nodded and walked away without a word. You were flabbergasted, angry but also hurt.

 The next few hours all you could do was watch him. He mingled around the club talking to one pretty woman and then another, and another and finally you’d lost count of how many women were hanging over every word he said. By the time three rolled around he was in the center of at least seven women all laughing at whatever story he was telling. They all looked wrapped around his finger and you were salty as fuck.

 “Why do you look so salty?” Lexi asked. You snapped out of it and shrugged.

 “I’m good. Having fun?”

 “Nice try. Spill.”

 You remained quiet.

 “Is this about tall, dark and fuckable over there?”

 She nodded to Idris and his harem. You shrugged.

 “Okay, bathroom break.” Lexi pulled you up and dragged you to the bathroom. Once inside she locked the door and made sure it was empty. She tore several pieces of paper towel and created a nice seat for herself atop the counter and plopped on it.

 “Okay, spill.”

 You looked over yourself, reapplied your lipstick and ignored her.

 “You like him, like really like, like. Not celeb crush like but for realsies,” Lexi gaped.

 “Oh my god Z, this is huge. You don’t like anyone. You’ve been single for almost two years and celibate for damn near that long, but here you are. You have feelings for him.”

 “Stop, that’s ridiculous. He’s Idris Elba, I’d be one stupid groupie if I did.” You chastised.

 “Why? He’s hot as hell, seems like a cool guy, talented, and he must be a pretty good guy for you to even remotely like him. So why would you be stupid?” Lexi asked.

 “He’s an actor Lex, an actor. Of all things, I said I’d never get involved with an actor, never go there and yet--,” you trailed off.

 “Well you were a dumbass for saying that shit out loud. You know the universe likes to fuck with people. You spoke this shit into existence. Stepping away from that, we’re here now. Feelings have been established, what’s the problem?”

 You remained silent again. It was pointless, she could read you as good as Andra and she pieced it together.

 “Oh, he’s an actor so you’re sabotaging yourself. Okay. Does he like you too?”

“I don’t know. Last night he came off like he was suggesting we have sex but now tonight he’s surrounded by a harem.”

 “Wait, pause. Did you sleep with him?”

 “No, I told him I’m not that type of woman, I don’t do shit like that.”

 Lexie groaned, rolled her eyes and shook her head.

 “So, he does like you and you already sabotaged yourself. You have to fix this Z. you have to tell him how you feel.”

 “The fuck I do. I feel nothing,” you lied.

 “Oh, you just want to sit on his face.”

 You snorted and laughed loudly, she joined in. After the two of you calmed down you shook your head.

 “Be real with me Z.”

 You sighed and gave up.

 “I think I like him, I know I want to have sex with him but how would that make me any different than all the other groupies he’s fucked?”

 “How do you know you aren’t different? How do you know this entire situation isn’t different? From the tabloids and gossip his sexcapades don’t last longer than a few weeks. You’ve been working together for months.”

 “I don’t want to be like all the others Lex. I would feel so stupid and dirty. He has a massive past.

 “Every sinner has a future and every saint has a past,” she reminded. You nodded because you knew that was what she was going to say.

 “You have got to forget that backwards shit your mother spewed growing up. “A lady always thinks about the repercussions of their actions before making a single move, if the repercussions are anything but favorable a lady makes no action.” Bullshit!” Lexi shouted. You pinched your lips together.

 “Do you realize how stupid that sounds. If you never make an action for fear of the fall out, you’d miss out on so much. If you didn’t take this job because you were afraid you couldn’t handle being split in three by three actors, you wouldn’t be crushing it now. Yes, I realize how that sounded now that it’s out my mouth. Not literally split in three by three actors. Although that thought is very appealing. Have you thought about it?” Lexi diverted.

 “I hadn’t until Andra brought it up and since then I have to say it’s a thought once a day,” you admitted. You and Lexi laughed again.

 “Maybe you should take your own advice with Devin. He loves you I’m sure he’d want you to be happy. Talk to him about what it is you truly want,” you advised. She nodded.

 “Only if you take the same advice.” She held out her hand to you. you thought for a moment and shrugged. You shook her hand and she pulled you in for a hug.

 When the two of you walked back to the party you looked around the club and saw your friends scattered around with different actors, they looked to be in deep conversations, or deep flirting. You looked to Idris again and he was still surrounded by his harem. You rolled your eyes and shied away. You found a pair of stairs and went down them unsure where they led. Once downstairs the boom of the music echoed but it was twenty times quieter. You saw different doors and tried one, you peaked in and saw a bed with sheer curtains.

 “What the hell.”

You walked down the hall to another door and opened it and saw the same sight. After looking in two more rooms with the same bed you walked into the last door on the right and sat on the red four posted bed there. You took a deep breath in, closed your eyes and released it. You got up and walked around then pressed your back to one of the posts. You took out your phone and checked your emails. Suddenly a message came in from Idris.

 MSG Idris: Left without saying goodbye?

 You bit your bottom lip and hugged your midsection.

 MSG Z: Surprised you noticed I was missing.

MSG Idris: Of course, I noticed. It’s hard to not notice you Z.

 Your heart began pounding faster.

 MSG Z: You’re right, I’m wearing bright red lipstick.

MSG Idris: It has nothing to do with your lipstick. You’ve always been hard to not notice. From the day I met you.

 Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.

 You sucked your bottom lip into your mouth again and tried to slow your heart.

 MSG Idris: Did you leave?

MSG Z: Why? What’s it to you?

MSG Idris: If you’re gone there’s no need me being here anymore.

 “Jesus Christ.” You placed your hands on your thighs and bent over taking a few deep breaths.

 MSG Z: Why is that?

MSG Idris: Because I only came to this thing hoping to see you.

 You nocked your head back onto the wooden post.

 MSG Z: Could have fooled me? You’ve been surrounded all night.

MSG Idris: You’ve stayed away all night, all day. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

MSG Z: So, you flirt with every woman in here.

MSG Idris: Every woman but the one I want.

 You stared at his words and thought about your response.

 MSG Z: Who’s that?

MSG Idris: At the risk of getting my ego bruised and feelings hurt again; you Z. I want you.

 “Oh god.”

 You stared at the words, but your fingers were frozen.

MSG Idris: Except last night when I said the words, I think you misunderstood. You took it as me just wanting to sleep with you. that’s not the case Z, I want more than sex with you.

 Your eyes bugged out in your head as you read and re-read his message.

 MSG Idris: I want your hands on my skin, I want your lips on mine, I want to taste you, I want to hear you moan my name, I want to see your body tremble because of me, I want to feel you around me, I want to see the color of your eyes are you succumb to the pleasure I bring you, I want to hear you scream my name, I want to roll over in the middle of the night and collide with your body, I want to see what you look like with messy bed hair at first morning’s light, I want to cook you breakfast, dinners, I want to sit and talk with you about everything from astronomy to the reason why evil exists, I want to vacation with you, I want to bring you home to meet my mother, my kids, I want that and so much more Z.

 You were speechless, breathless and your head was spinning. At this point you were hyperventilating from the rapid beating of your heart. You couldn’t believe what you were reading. You also couldn’t believe how affected you were, and how badly you wanted all of that too. You didn’t know how badly you did until he said the words.

 MSG Z: Jesus Christ you can’t say shit like that to me.

 “Why?”

 You spun around and there he stood leaned against the door frame. The purple light bathed covered him and he looked like a figment from your best dreams.

 “Why can’t I say that to you? I’ve wanted to say it for so long. So long.”

 He walked into the door and you found yourself backing up. You felt like the prey and he was the predator. The hum of the music above worked with the light to the room even more hypnotizing with him in it. You felt your back collide with the wall and you pressed into it. He stopped a few inches from you and stared at you. you licked your lips and tried to catch your breath.

 “Tell me.”

 “Because, I—I—I work for you,” you began.

 “I don’t care.”

 “This is incredibly unprofessional,” you countered.

 “I don’t care.”

 He took another step to you. You looked down his body and bit your bottom lip. Your body was betraying you big time. You felt the wetness puddle between your thighs. You were thankful the thick leather of the dress hid your hardened nipples. When you looked back to him you recognized the look in his eyes. It was the same look from the night in his trailer and the one in yours and last night. Hell, you’d seen this look many times before those instances you just never placed it until now.

 “Fuck!” you groaned. He angled his head and surveyed you.

 “Last night, you didn’t turn me down because you didn’t want me, or because you didn’t want this,” he announced. You swallowed and you pushed off the wall and walked past him. He grabbed your wrist and pulled you to him. Again, your body slammed into his. You moaned and squeezed his biceps gripping him.

 “You want this, you want this just as much as I do.”

 He stared into your eyes and lowered his baritone.

 “You want me Z.”

 Your control was gone.

 “Jesus,” you groaned.

 “Tell me.”

 “Yes, I want you.”

 In seconds he crushed his lips to yours sucking your bottom lip in. you moaned on his mouth and savored the feel of his kiss as you kissed him back. It was a kiss you’d dreamt of since you were a teenager, the kiss that woke you up and burned you from the inside out. The kiss that stole everything, air, senses, dreams, hopes, life. It was the kiss you’d wanted forever but never got. He delivered tenfold. The kiss became more frenzied as he pulled you even closer to his body. Idris dug his fingers into your hair and remained there. His moans intermingled with yours and soon the room was filled with only the sounds of your moans.

 When your lungs couldn’t take anymore, you pulled your lips away and gasped for air. Idris peppered kisses along your jaw and made a fiery trail to your ear where he nibbled at your earlobe. He spent a few moments there before he dipped his lips to your neck and found the sensitive part of your neck that was your weakness. He sucked your flesh into his mouth and there went your inhibitions. You felt his hardening length against your stomach, and you wanted more. You crushed your lips to his again and kissed him again, it was a kiss he eagerly reciprocated. You’d never felt like this before, never been set ablaze by just a kiss. You felt like you were having an outer body experience and watched yourself so close to throwing everything to the side. You pulled back and panted trying to compose yourself.

 “Shit.”

 “I second that,” Idris said taking a step to you.

 “No, no, we can’t do this.”

 “What? Why?”

 “Why? I’ve already told you.”

 “I’ll ask David for another assistant, then you won’t work for me.”

 “No, not that, this is not me. I don’t do this. I’m not some groupie who drops her panties for a hot celeb. I can’t be like the countless women you’ve done this with.”

 “Z, you’re nothing like them I know that, I see that. You’ve never been like that. I could tell that from the day we met. I’m not who I was with you right now. I’m different, I want things to be different with you.”

 You tried to gather if he was spitting game or being truthful. It was hard to see through your intense arousal and want for him.

 “I’m being truthful. Last night I came off wrong, I’m sorry for making you feel like I think of you as a body. I don’t see you like that Zanzee,” he pleaded. He slowly walked to you and took your hand. You were having an internal fight; your brain and your heart were warring, and it was an epic battle.

He trailed his fingers up your arm to your shoulder and goosebumps broke out all across your skin. He held out his arm to show you.

 “See, you do the same to me.”

 You looked at his arm and aw the goosebumps that mirrored yours. You looked back at him hope filling you.

 “Idris—” you began before his lips cut you off. You moaned again and allowed him to kiss you as the war within waged on.

 “Put me out my misery Z, please. Stop the torture. Be with me.”

 You pulled back and looed in his eyes.

 “What?”

 “Be with me. Be mine,” he groaned out as he placed single kisses along your face and lips.

 You felt crowded, as if you were seconds from giving in and he knew it. You kissed him again and pressed your body to his. He moaned and backed to the bed before dropping onto it. You climbed on him and returned his hungry kisses. You felt his hand snake down your back and squeeze your hip. Once he did that you felt his prominent bulge pressed against you. everything in you wanted to give in to everything you’d wanted for the last five months but you also knew it was not the right place. He rolled on you and trapped your arms above your head. You bit your bottom lip as the two of you stared at each other. He lowered his lips to yours again, but this kiss was different, it was slow, tantalizing, and gentle, this kiss spoke of feelings. You slowly got lost in his issues and the feelings they awoke, feelings that quieted the war within. You pulled him closer and moaned on him and enjoyed the moment. It had been so long since you’d been kissed and it all made sense, no one else would have ever done but him. He was running you for anyone to come after him. Every cell in your body knew it but happily accepted your inevitable fate. He slowed his kisses and you took the opportunity to roll back onto him. You kissed him once, twice and then a third time before you pulled your body off his. He lied there and took a few moments to center himself. You looked over his body and saw the evident sign of his arousal.

 “You need time to think don’t you,” Idris said as he sat up.

 You raked your hands through your hair and tried to get a hold of your runaway thoughts and feelings.

 “Don’t you?”

 “No. I’ve done my thinking. I don’t think you understand, this has been months in the making. Months Zanzee.”

 You studied him and saw be was being truthful.

 “I’m tried of running from it and to be honest I’m not a good actor if I do as you saw today. I know this is more your hang up than mine and I understand that. I have a past, one that is not favorable. I get it, really, I do. No one should enter something blindly, especially with an actor. This life can chew you up and spit you out. I care about you too much to force you into this.”

 You turned your back to him and shook your head.

 “Jesus Christ Idris.”

 You couldn’t believe your ears, couldn’t believe this was happening. You felt his arms around your waist, and you closed your eyes and sunk into his embrace. You felt safe in his arms, you felt as if he wouldn’t hurt you and you could believe in him.

 “I can wait for you to get there Z. I will wait.” He kissed your temple and then down the side of your face, to your jaw and then to your shoulder. You shivered.

 “What if I don’t get there?”

 “You will.”

 “How do you know?”

 “Because you feel what I feel, you want what I want. You won’t be able to just walk away from what the strength of this.”

 Silence filled the room and your phone went off. You looked at it and saw your friends messages asking where you were.

 “I have to go.”

 “Go ahead, I’ll hang back for five.”

 You looked at him and studied his face. He was beautiful. You couldn’t believe he was standing there saying he wanted you over all the other women he could have. He stepped to you and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. You kissed him back and caressed his cheek. You walked past him to the door but before you walked out you looked back at him. he was watching you, but his expression was masked now.

 “See you around DJ. Driis.”

You walked away leaving him there.  You had no idea how you got home because you were floating on cloud nine, but you were filled with so much anxiety and worry. You had a lot to think about.

 To Be continued….

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[vegetalass]

Don’t Just Eat the Egg, Eat the Whole Damn Nest

LMFAOOO i wrote most of this WEEKS ago after I saw this post on @rockboci’s blog abt WHAT IF twig was a RO and i was like…. Dam they right

Found it again 2nite and finished it up

Tfw ur sidestep but u also have a crush on sidestep :(

i also really wanted to figure out how to make that scenario of ‘two sidesteps’ work bc.... Damn we all sidestep bros

I also saw another post on Malin’s blog about peoples sidesteps interacting… and i was like…. Yea…. me too…

Ive been SOO busy lately that i havent been keeping up with fallen hero but all the spoilers i do see look LIT

Hopefully i can catch up soon!

Warning: contains Fallen Hero: Retribution spoilers.

FH:R belongs to @fallenhero-rebirth and Twig belongs to @rockboci

gn!Sidestep/Twig - 1229 words

It’s uh... funny the way things work out. The way that fate sometimes decides to run its course right off the track and straight into the stratosphere.  

You’ve always heard people joke about things such as alternate universes, or parallel lives, yet it has always led to you wonder why it was you that actually happened to end up in one.

Metaphorically speaking, of course, because you like to pretend that you’re someone completely normal and that nothing bad has ever happened to you in your life. EVER.

Not that you’ve ever truly managed to convince yourself of that, as there are a lot of things that you’ve done and have had done to you that you’d rather not think about, but you try to live your life the way someone normal does. You eat the things you like, you smoke the things you want, and you do your best to believe that everything is easier now that you’re not living a life that someone else created for you.

And what can fate do about that?

Nothing, because you continue to watch Twig do exactly the same.

They don’t look like you, not even close, and still, it seems as though you’ve been following their tracks since before you can even remember. Back before you had seen the sky, when you still used to listen to other kids whisper about who had and who hadn’t managed to see the real world as if it wouldn’t get you all killed if anyone human heard.

You know they all did, and knowing that is even the reason you got to escape.

“You know,” Ortega said once, interrupting your thoughts while wiping coffee cake crumbs off his cheek as he spoke, “I did tell Chen you were nice.”

You try to be kind. You try to be strong. And you like to hope that you know Twig a little better than you have ever let on.

Granted, they know you, too, but... you seem to have some form of mutual understanding when it comes to keeping quiet about the things that only the both of you know.

Your shared abilities, for one. Your different-yet-shared heinous plans, another. Even Dr. Mortum, and a bunch more stuff like that.

Except that… Twig works for themselves, and you, um... work for the good of the people and all things that come with upturning the government on behalf of getting revenge and once and for all being free.

Vice versa, maybe?

Not that you could ever say that out loud, of course, as you’ve always been more of an “in your head” type of person anyway, which you find to be quite ironic in this case, when Twig just so happens to smile whenever you think anything mean.

Twig knows all this about you, though, as well as the in-your-head revenge game that you play, as you find that they actually happen to know a lot. You know they agree when you think about it, and you can always feel the way Twig’s thoughts shift from black to white as if they were saying “cheers” to the single-person party in their mind that was made up of only you.

You don’t catch them smirking. You never do. 

That being said, Twig is… not really a secret. Not to you, at least. And it’s a funny battle that you fight almost every single day, because you aren’t a secret to them, either.

Twig sees Ortega. You, in a way, look, at Ortega. Twig looks at Herald, and you, just as strangely, see Herald.

Or... something like that, at least. You don’t think too hard about what’s really happening anymore, spending more time focusing on both getting revenge and then running away for the rest of your sorry life. Twig raises their glass to that thought, as well.

Because it’s as if fate decided to slice the world in two when you died during the Heartbreak at the exact same time as Twig.

Different room and different window, but still. You would argue that it counts, even if some might say the split came around the same time you were extracted from a water tank into a world already succumbed in tears.

You always knew Twig was actually a crybaby. It was just too bad you didn’t really know them at all, and frankly still don’t.

You just don’t know if that’s a good thing. You don’t know if you want to.

Not that you were ever on the waiting list to become a Ranger the way that Twig was, but you had your moments.

You remember Ortega. His smile, his charm, and his big, warm hands. You remember Chen, who in retrospect didn’t like Twig much either, and how you felt whenever he turned his back towards you but his front towards them. And you definitely remember feeling as favored as a lonely and lost vigilante could ever could, even when Twig gave all the interviews and you simply made your way.

Things weren’t great as a vigilante, but you had your friends, and Twig had theirs. It was just a shame that they were the same people.

You almost wish you could go back. Back to when all the titles (and skintight clothing) still fit, although in some ways, you like to think that sometimes, they still do.

Even if they can and did get you killed.

You can’t blame the Rangers for picking sides, just as you can’t blame Twig for feeling equally as resentful when they failed to find their body, too, and then decided to give up.

Or something.

Whatever.

You have that in common.

Same home, same hospital, same death.

Cheers, Twig!

There’s a silent conversation you have with Twig, one that hangs on the balance beam between trust, empathy, and the fact that you, in a way, almost share blood.

Twig ignored the thought during the last time you saw them. Although, they happen to ignore you a lot, anyway, as you remember in detail how you could only sputter are the blank expression they passed your way during the last time you tried to converse, as if you were never meant to have a place on this split-in-half-earth.

Even if you’re partly why it split.

Oh well.

“I was thinking that, uh..” you start, feeling like one of those ugly gray birds with big red eyes, before you’re interrupted by a voice as cold as steel.  

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t.” Their reply is quick, yet miraculously timed and callous, even if you do your best to assume that it was a joke.

Ortega looks at you with raised eyebrows and shrugs, doing nothing to hide the broken-lipped smirk that opens his jaw.

You try again, voice hoarse “I was thinking that maybe next time you go to the diner, I could come too.”

You try to smile, pushing any annoyance you feel towards Twig full force.

They don’t seemed phased, however, and continue to smile slightly at Ortega’s laugh when he assures you that, yes, you’re always welcome to get dinner with them at “any time and always.”

Twig’s thoughts twist again, the way they always do when you think of them, especially now at your insistence that you don’t want to be left behind, and you can feel that fucking smirk again.

You wonder what it’s like to have a sibling.

[jflashandclash]

Traitors of Olympus IV: Fall of the Sun

Forty-Six: Ajax

Keeping it Holy

             Really, it was Pax’s fault for getting floored.

           He had been so wrapped up in the excitement of his surrogate father’s horrifying voice ringing through the battlefield and Tony the Egyptian Tiger punching through the ground that Pax may have forgotten the whole near-death family feud going on.

           But now, at least he understood Calex’s fanboyism over Percy and the others. Pax was ready to storm over and ask for autographs of their reinforcements. That way he could jack up the price and sell them to Romans later.

           During all this, Pax had to remember not to crush anyone when he jumped for joy. Flattened Romans: not good for positive demigod relations.  

           Plus, Pax was shrinking and weakening as some of the fighting slowed, bringing him closer to cute panda size. By laws of familial mythological powers, that meant his mom was losing powers too.

           By the time Pax realized this, he also realized how much he’d screwed up by taking his eyes off his mother.

           Something swept one of his legs.

           Pax flopped backwards, crushing something. He hoped it was a ghoul, otherwise he’d have to add someone to the Nightmare Counter.

           He slapped his hand against the strawberry field to break his fall, but a squawk—oh gods, did he really squawk when he was in eagle form? Hawkward[1]—erupted from his lips. Despite the hot, muscly bod his Mayan magic granted him, the impact spread pain through his recently fractured shoulder and recently healed hand.

           Pax expected stickers, lollipops, and kisses-to-make-it-better for months after this.

           Though a queasy weakness made his limbs shake, he had hoped he would keep the whole demigod super speed a little longer.

           He didn’t.

           His mother jammed her stiletto high heel into his injured hand before he could move.

           Pax screamed. For an instance, he could remember the Leonis Caput lurking closer as Pax squirmed and withered to escape his own dagger. The smell of blood and smoke was too familiar. Panic bubbled in his stomach. Or maybe that was bile. Could never be too sure nowadays.

           Pax thrashed. His now-talons tore into his mother’s ankle, shredding some of the leather boot.

           His hand felt like it was on fire as she twisted her heel deeper.

           He wanted to scold his mother and say Kally had just fixed that, but all that came out was, “What do the Fates have against my hand!?”

           Eris released her fashionable Joker laugh. She leaned down. He’d torn the bandana off her face during their fight, revealing a smeared mash of reddish-black lipstick stretched into a crazed grin. It complimented the maniac glint in her eyes. “Oh, my little Terror Muffin. I would hope that you would do the same to me if I got in your way.” Her long, black plaits slipped from her shoulders to dangle in his face.

           Tears wheeled up in his eyes. “No! I wouldn’t! I really wouldn’t!” Ichor spilled all over his fingers from where he clawed at her ankle. Why wouldn’t she get off? “I can’t balance in high heels tall enough!”[2]

           Definitely impressive, but more horrifying at the moment.

           When she leaned more onto that leg, Pax heard something crunch in his hand. He squealed. Not again! His fingers had barely been able to move from having a dagger shoved through the tendons—

           “Now, come along. Join us! I’d have so much more fun fighting alongside you instead of against you!” she said with a huge grin, like none of this was weird.

           Not for the first time, Pax became queasy at wondering how his parents had flirted, especially if this was his mother’s version of a Bring Your Son to Work day. He was also frustrated to remember his mother knew exactly how he fought: she’d kept her stance wide enough that he couldn’t tie her boot laces together.

           He was about to point out that godly social services might not like this, but a ball of glowing, turquoise fur beat him to it.

           Something their size smashed into Eris’ side.

           Eris toppled backwards, down Farm Road’s hill.

           Someone’s hands grabbed him, claws pinching his skin. The momentum happened so fast, he barely registered the plan before it started. “Smile for the audience.”

           More tears threatened to well in Pax’s eyes, not that he had stopped crying recently. If these last few weeks kept at their current rate, he could probably team up with global warming to flood all coastal towns in the world.

           That was a phrase Frasco used to say back in the circus whenever one of them fell or forgot their part. As Frasco explained in private, Frasco never cared about the mistakes they made during the performances, just that they had fun and were safe at the end of the day. Frasco said those words when lifting them for a quick recovery flip, so they could hop out of the flip with more excitement and pride than embarrassment or shame.

           The same way this person lifted Pax for an assisted flip, apparently realizing his shoulder and hand were less than functional.

           Pax landed back onto his feet, digging his ankle talon into the ground for stability.

           Even though everything was not Reese’s Stick and Weasels, Pax still grinned with nostalgia. He glanced to the side at the glowing cat-headed avatar beside him.

           For some reason, seeing Axel as a giant cat-chick didn’t scare Pax. Yea, this giant cat-chick was terrifying. But this could be any terrifying giant murder machine, not the special kind of PTSD-forever terrifying the Leonis Caput inspired.

           While nausea did hit Pax’s stomach with the renew pain in the new hole in his hand, he didn’t flinch away from his brother.

           A sense of giddy hope calmed Pax. While they couldn’t erase how Ares and Aphrodite had forced the Leonis Caput to give Pax How to Fillet a Demigod lessons, maybe he and Axel could be fine after this. Maybe he could still have one healthy, happy familial relationship.

           Pax wanted to share his calm with Axel and comfort Axel after whatever ordeals he had to suffer going—apparently—to a magical, Egyptian Halloween store that landed Axel with the new outfit. He needed to say something that would make all this chaos and madness feel normal and easy. Something for a real heart-to-heart—

           “Nice rack,” Pax said.[3]

           Eris had regained her footing and was making her way up the hill. She hummed happily, like things couldn’t have been going better.

           Axel growled deep in his throat as he shifted within the cat warrior. The avatar mimicked his defensive stance. “I’m twisting your ear off as soon as both our trauma settles,” Axel said.

           “All I heard was, ‘Ajax, you have a free pass to harass all your friends and be inappropriate for the next few years,’” Pax said.

           The cat avatar’s weird W mouth tweaked into a smirk. “Use it well. And know I have an excellent memory for when that pass runs out.”

           The brothers stood side-by-side, one with claws out, the other talons, as Eris leveled with them.

           This wasn’t their usual fighting stance. Normally, Pax practiced more of the hiding-behind-Axel-style, but he liked the change. It wasn’t like he hadn’t trained for it.

           Eris’ serial killer, black eyes glistened with glee. “Santiago would be so proud of you both—”

           Pax didn’t want his mother to finish the comment, since he guessed it wasn’t going to end with anything about his pranking glory. Clearly, Axel didn’t oppose some quality interruption either.

           The brothers attacked at the same time, moving in harmony the way they might have if this were a circus performance with Frasco, Hiro, Lapis, and Kouta cheering them on.

           Eris may have been able to handle Pax alone and even given him some nasty knife kisses, but alternating attacks between Axel and Pax sent her retreating.

           As soon as Eris went to stab at one of Pax’s quick kicks, Axel would rush at her open side, slashing his claws out. She couldn’t block them both.

           There was one major disadvantage of Axel’s new form: sword fighting and grappling were a little difficult when you had Mrs. O’Leary-sized-toothpicks for nails. At some point, Pax would need to make a haiku with that: Axel finally gets rid of his curse on swords. Gains sexy cat-lady form that will never need swords.

           Pax, meanwhile, could barely use his hands. His fingers wouldn’t respond where his mother had smashed the ligaments again and where pain racked his shoulder with every movement. Plus, Pax had to admit, he hadn’t really wanted to hurt his mother. Until this point, he’d been mostly stalling to keep her from attacking the rest of camp.

           They combo-ed everything they knew—using acrobatic and fighting, tumbling around her, kicking, attempting grapples. Each attack sent Eris stumbling backwards with more ichor smudges to her makeup.

           The nice thing: Axel wasn’t here to save him or let Pax reduce to his cute fluffy self. Axel was here to fight beside him. Axel’s presence made it less chaotic. The attacks were methodical, designed to force Eris to focus—something Pax guessed was a deficit for his whole side of the family.

           She could wear them down. Pax knew his Mayan blood sacrifice would run out, and he guessed Axel’s Tony the Egyptian Tiger suit would fail too, and, if it didn’t, Pax had a million questions he wanted to ask Reyna about her attraction to his brother. Regardless, they would need to end this fight fast.

           Eris laughed hysterically, her form shrinking with each step backwards. Pax hadn’t realized it, but he was shrinking too, now smaller than Axel’s flickering avatar.

           Flickering?

           Eris let Axel’s next slash hit, grabbing his clawed hand and jamming it further into her side.

           Axel growled and wrenched to withdraw, sensing the trap.

           Eris spun, positioning herself between Pax and Axel, leaving her back completely open to Pax when she tossed something between she and her son.

           A flashbang.

           Sometimes, Pax really hated how much he was like his family.

           “Stop—”

           The last thing Pax saw over his mother’s shoulder was her knife digging deep into Axel’s avatar chest.

           Then everything went white.

           His ears rang.

           Having super-eagle vision super sucked when you’re staring at a miniature sun explosion. A pop and flash left Pax stunned and disoriented.

           His heart pounded in his head. Pax rubbed at his eyes, slashing a claw forward to snatch at his mother or find his brother’s avatar or a magical rewind button hovering in the air.

           “Axel!” Pax screamed.

           “I’m fine!” Axel said, sounding very not-fine. He sounded weak and raspy. His voice came from somewhere near the ground. It didn’t resound the way it had with the cat warrior suit. Tony the Egyptian Tiger was no more.

           Pax should have seen this coming. This was his usual tactic: when outnumbered, drop a smoke bomb to confuse the enemy, take out your biggest opponent, do the world’s shortest victory dance, then run away to pet your weasels for another day.

           While Pax still reached out blindly, something powdery puffed into his face.

           Pax realized he should have held his breath after the first inhalation.

           His lungs felt like they were burning. Chokes and cough racked his chest.

           Maybe his Mom’s utility belt was a lot more dangerous than his. The grenades should have cued him in.

           One thing was for sure though: Eris had not retreated to pet her weasels for another day. Her knee slammed into Pax’s diaphragm. Whatever breath he had left in him deflated as he collapsed to his knees.

           He couldn’t even grab something from her utility belt or tie her shoes together. His fingers wouldn’t react enough. His mind was fuzzy from whatever she’d thrown in his face, now making him wheeze worse than a hippopotamus with bronchitis.

           Eris pulled off his Silver Tongued Snake helm and pinched his cheeks together with her thumb and fingers, probably making him look like a fish. “Oh, little Terror Muffin,” she cooed. “I think you’re out of steam.”

           She was right. Pax could feel a numbing, icy tingle as the Mayan power surge left him. Pain pierced his fingers, ankles, and arms. He wasn’t sure why until he managed to lift one hand to claw at her grip.

           One of his finger talons snapped off. Although Pax knew they weren’t permanent, the rip felt very permanent. His arms felt weak and gangly, not nearly hot enough for his normal sexy, runaway acrobatic look.[4]

           She patted his head, smearing some of her own ichor onto his skin. If Pax hadn’t already been conditioned to feeling sick, he might have thrown up a satyr.

           He tried to look for his brother, to make sure Axel was actually okay, but everything was still too bright and blotchy. He felt too weak to turn his head.

           “Darkness’ end: pax or chaos,” Eris muttered, reciting the last line of the Traitors of Olympus prophecy. “Such an odd thing for an oracle to say, almost too ambiguous. Your sister thought your choice of involvement would alter the end. After all, Axel would have never led his crew to help Euna if not for you. Some of your friends would have never found the courage to stand up the way they did today, to stand up and fall. My inspiring little hero.”

           Eris tickled him. Normally, Pax would pretend to be ticklish when she did that. Now, he batted her hand away, mind reeling for a plan, but Pax had always been weak in the planning department.

           “You take a nice nap here,” Eris said, “Now that I’ve taken care of you and your brother, I’m going to kill all of your friends while they’re distracted playing with the other gods.”

 ***

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Stay tuned next week for another Ajax chapter, Two out of Ten Stars on the Monologue.

 ***

footnotes:

[1] Mel betacomment, “Pax! How have you survived this long! Right.. Axel.”

[2] False. He totally can and he knows it. One of the few actual lies Pax tells in the series.

[3] Mel was very concerned about whether or not cat avatar had boobs. Canon. Boom.

[4] Mel, “It’s like a delirious and sick Pax trying to do the sexy arm on a door thing to Kally and Kally scolding him.”

Jack, “I need to draw this now XD”

[oblio-k]

whom are your st ocs!!! tell me stuff

ive got!!!! a lot!!! because i have no self control! 2.5 crews n a bonus OC i made for my sibling’s oc crew. im going to ramble about All Of Them given this opportunity here they are under the cut.

My first (all OC) crew is the USS August AKA The USS Rejects. Basically starfleet’s former ‘best’ got shoveled onto one ship after they outlived their use. 

Captain Hyrel, a gender-neutral Axanar, is like the parent of the whole crew and refuses to court martial any of them even though they beg them to. Used to be really good at winning battles during various wars, but then gave up and said they would only take peaceful scientific missions from there on out. They’ve got a lil human son (Hyrel Jr.) they rescued when he was a baby.

Commander Petrov ‘J’ Jorge is their first officer, human dude. He was a model officer on his way to being Captain when a first contact mission went horribly wrong and he was left permanently disfigured with a head injury that completely altered his personality. Has anger management issues and wants to quit, but Hyrel won’t let him. In love with a Romulan centurion he met in neutral space.

Lt. Commander T’kae, vulcan lady. She hates J and really wants to be the first officer, but Hyrel won’t promote her. Impatient with her 2 superiors and is usually fed up with the crew, though she’d die for any of them.

Ensign Saurvin, my disaster vulcan boy!! He’s been promoted and demoted a lot, and has completely rejected logic and embraced emotion. Gets into fights a lot but cares a LOT about his friends, starts a little club on board for crewmembers who are too different from the rest of their species. He’s engaged to a Ferengi and plans to quit starfleet as soon as his bf becomes a Daimon so they can travel the galaxy together and have a blast.

Doctor Stovek, not the CMO, human/vulcan hybrid dude who resents his human heritage and hasn’t spoken to his human dad since his mother died a decade ago. Close friends with T’kae and they both try to follow the path of logic together. Refuses to join Saurvin’s club.

Counselor Fer Xeandi, betazoid guy who can’t help but read everybody’s thoughts. Really friendly and outgoing, and has a crush on J.

Ensign Kaya, betazoid/ullian hybrid girl. Fresh out of the academy and is very shy and quiet. Has a lot of family issues (her betazoid dad is really sick, she doesn’t talk to her mother, and her twin brother hates her and convinces the rest of their betazoid family to disown her) due to her not having any telepathic ability at all. She’s Saurvin’s best friend and a member of his club.

Chief of Security Arcus Nyo, a caitian dude who has a LOT of fur and is big. He hates Ensign Saurvin because Saurvin makes tons of cat jokes around him to make Kaya laugh. Has a massive crush on the chief engineer, Aaraa, and everyone knows it though he insists it’s not true. Loves arachnids a lot, owns some tarantulas & stuff in his quarters.

Chief Engineer Aaraa, an Aaamazzarite guy. Kind of quiet but firm when giving orders. His quarters are absolutely coated in his webbing which is disgusting to almost everyone but Arcus. Has no idea what a spider is, but boy does he love them when he finds out. His eventual dream is to retire, get married to Arcus, and live out the rest of their days happily on a tarantula farm.

CMO Sokaa Eri, a human woman raised by a human and vulcan couple. She’s really sweet but also terrifying when she wants to be. Deals with so much all the time, she needs a vacation but refuses to take shore leave out of fear that someone will die on board without her there.

Nurse Kive Idor, a mostly Bajoran man. His grandfather was a Cardassian, he assumes. He was raised by a Cardassian woman named Ricana Idor in Federation space after his parents died in a transport shuttle accident. Really doesn’t like being called by his first name, and doesn’t care for Bajoran culture, even though his mother made sure to teach him all about it and encouraged him to follow it if he wanted to.

SECOND CREW i made after watching ds9, the USS Akira ! A bunch of useless gays are gathered onto one ship by a captain who actually listens to his first officer when told not to go on an away mission, every time.

Captain Niko, human dude. Literally says “Oh, if I wasn’t such a nice person I wouldn’t have picked up so many strays.” and surprisingly no one around him wants to kill him for saying that because he is just a nice person. Joined starfleet to get away from his physically abusive father to try and find a faraway planet he could start a new life on, was accidentally really good at being an officer and before he knew it he was being promoted to Captain and being sent on a long exploration mission. Found and adopted a Vulcan boy, Sarin. Won’t go on dangerous missions because he doesn’t want to leave Sarin without a father.

First Officer Commander Onarog, ferengi dude. Very smart and hardworking, but not very good with social skills. Very perceptive and can always tell when someone is upset. Niko likes joking he should have been a counselor.

Second Officer Lt. Commander Qihata Xirad, a Bolian girl. She’s very friendly and loves gossip. Likes surprising people but doesn’t always realize when someone isn’t in the mood. Excitable and has a big crush on one of the nurses, Kezrell.

CMO, Meneha Adado, betazoid. Quiet lady who keeps to herself and uses her telepathy to figure out how her patients feel. Has a wife and kids on Betazed that she visits sometimes, misses. Niko’s oldest friend, but respects his wishes for her not to read his thoughts and find out about his past.

Chief Engineer Taiggok. Orion male, very nervous and doesn’t like talking to anyone but his team and the bridge crew (when he has to). Very strong, and his favorite thing is to go back to his quarters every day to take care of his pet salamander.

Chief of security, Lt. Zac Ramirez. Human/orion hybrid guy, but hides the fact that he’s half orion. Kind of withdrawn, but is best friends with his second in command and really wants to befriend Taiggok.

Security officer, Lt. jr. Vimio Zh’raqass. Andorian, they’re always by Zac’s side and are very excited. Don’t realize that they’re in love with Zac, just think they really want to be his best friend. Worries about their friends a lot, has no clue that Zac isn’t fully human.

Nurse Kezrell, an unjoined Trill girl. Is absolutely terrified of the thought of being joined. She actively avoids other Trill and falls in love with every pretty girl she sees.

Science officer, Lt. Terim. He’s a Xindi-Reptilian, and is handsome, since i was using a character generator and it said a xindi-reptilian that everyone thinks is very handsome. Thoughful/kind dude who will gladly try to cheer up anyone. Loves a friendly tussle, is very handsy with people he’s friends with, and is close friends with Onarog.

Ensign Genna, a Xindi-Arboreal. She’s always tired and is very forgetful and often confused, though she tries her best. Is friends with Terim, and tries to be friends with the rest of the crew. Is too tired to notice that her fellow ensign is in love with her.

Ensign Zura Jejo, a Bajoran girl. Pretty fearful and depressed, misses Bajor a lot. She’s really scared of Yeoman Loket, since he’s mean to her because her station is right next to his. Gets really flustered around Genna, and prays to the prophets that one day Genna will notice.

Yeoman Loket Arlat. A Cardassian man exiled after being framed for murder. Niko saved his life and he feels he owes the Captain a debt in return. Says that he’ll leave after he returns the favor, but Niko refuses to put himself in harm’s way so he’s been there for years. Pretty much like Niko’s second son. Is pretty mean to everyone but Niko and Sarin.

Bonus non crew member: Commander Rutora, an exiled Romulan who failed a huge mission. Stole a warbird and after meeting Niko and falling in love with him he follows their ship around and acts like a nuisance. Ashamed of being in love with a human and keeps promising to kill Niko, but can’t bring himself to.

The OC members of my ‘next generation’ style ship, the USS Nobility, where i gather up all the canon kids and stick them on one ship and fill in the blanks with OCs:

My life and love, my baby boy and darling Bug Man, CMO’s Assistant Doctor Yek. He’s an original species I made up called a Parasitoid, based on parasitoid wasps. Big bug boi who wears a life support suit because he comes from a class Y planet he can’t reveal the location of. Is married to Mekor Dukat and has a small lizard/bug hybrid baby with him, Saint. He would do anything for his family and doesn’t follow his people’s tradition of killing their chosen hosts and returning home. Wants to find a nice planet far away from Cardassia to raise his family.

Acting Ensign ‘Checkers.’ A two-spirit teen who comes from an alternate universe after the ship hits an anomaly. Is the fusion duplicate of Janeway & Chakotay after a transporter accident, but won’t tell anyone because they don’t want to interefere with the timeline. The entire crew adopts them.

Ensign Hoji Andu, nervous Bajoran man who joined starfleet to explore, but feels guilty about leaving Bajor and his two older siblings, who are the Cardassian/Bajoran hybrid twins (named Irza Miyo & Moha) his mother had during the Occupation. He and his father weren’t the best to them, and he regrets it and believes they hate him. He promised his mother he would look after them before she died.

Lt. T’rea, vulcan woman who is an engineer, but also acts as an unprofessional therapist for the rest of the crew when she has spare time. Very much misses her wife who lives on Vulcan, though she’d never admit it.

BONUS OC for my sibling’s crew of beautiful women who could annihilate me, a kind Vulcan man, and my nonbinary goblin who deserves an ass kicking

Ensign Alek Ch’zei, a Cardassian/Andorian hybrid who loves flirting and has yet to find a temperature they find comfortable. No one likes them because they’re rude, keep fighting people, and won’t shut up. The vulcan lieutenant (a dude named Stafuck) dates them on and off to explore emotion and a lack of Logic. When Stafuck reaches his pon farr and the Captain starts worrying because they’re too far from Vulcan, Alex unzips their shirt and goes ‘don’t worry. i’ve got this’.

[preserving-ferretbrain]

City of Celluloid

by Dan H

Sunday, 01 September 2013

Dan has seen the City of Bones movie.

Uh-oh! This is in the Axis of Awful...~

I first reviewed Cassandra Cla(i)re's City of Bones in the halcyon days of 2008.

Today, Kyra and I went to see the movie!

Umm...

Long time readers (or people who read the review I linked to above) may recall that I found the original book of City of Bones so blisteringly incoherent that I was barely able to write about it in any kind of sensible manner.

The movie is worse.

Kyra and I saw this film in the tiny, crappy screen at the Odeon on Magdalen Street, an experience we shared with about a dozen other people, all of whom seemed to be having a similarly terrible experience.

Just as with the original book, I really don't know where to start. Because this film is awful in nearly every conceivable way.

Let's start with the good bits:

Good Bit: The Cast are Actually Pretty Cool

Jamie Campbell-Bower is actually really good as Fanon Draco. In the book, I felt that his constant wisecracking revealed less about the character's emotional turmoil than about the author's desire to show off her ability to write one-liners. Campbell-Bower's delivery, though, actually manages to create the impression that I always felt the book was aiming for but failed to achieve – that Fanon Draco is hiding behind playful or dismissive language in order to avoid confronting his feelings.

Lily Collins is a bit generic as Clary but then, really, what does she have to work with. She's … a girl? She has special powers? She's hot for Fanon Draco?

Robert Sheehan (the guy that plays Immortal Kid in Misfits) does a reasonable turn as Simon, although again there isn't a huge amount to do with the character. He wears glasses (temporarily). He has a raging case of nice-guy-syndrome. Meh. I swear he's taller in this than he is in other stuff.

Perhaps most excitingly (even more excitingly than Jamie Campbell-Bower, and I love Jamie Campbell-Bower), Jonathan Rhys Meyers does a fabulously scenery-chewing turn as Valentine. And boy does he need it, because if he stopped raging around and roaring for ten seconds, you might have to ask yourself what the holy fucking hell is actually supposed to be happening, and then you'd probably have to go and cry.

Incidentally, I think it probably says something about the way things work in Hollywood that the teenage protagonists of this film are played by actors in their mid twenties, while their father is played by an actor in his mid thirties. Clearly Valentine was extraordinarily sexually precocious (even if we ignore the fact that Collins and Campbell-Bower are the best part of a decade older than the characters they portray, Rhys-Meyers' Valentine would still have to have started breeding at nineteen to have two seventeen-year-old kids).

Good Bit: It Is Quite Visually Interesting

Part of the fun of this kind of film is that it lends itself quite well to spectacle, and in the beginning the film-makers do a really good job of establishing a visual style, whether it's the Hogwarts-esque grandeur of the institute, the hundreds of Shadowhunter runes that Clary draws in her sleep, or the grotesque, body-splitting demons.

Some of these images might come from the book. I honestly don't remember. I'm pretty sure that the device of Clary drawing Shadowhunter runes is film-only, and I seem to recall that the entire concept of Demons being able to possess people is contrary to book-canon (where Demons are fairly specifically greebly monsters that eat you).

Having said the film is quite visually interesting, I should backtrack a little and say that the film is quite visually interesting in kind of its first half. After they get to the Institute things just get very, very lazy. Big generic flappy-winged monsters. Generic black-and-red demons who look weirdly like the dudes that the Zin send after you in Saints' Row IV

Although Valentine does make a pentagram out of swords. For which plus ten points for swords, minus six points because the pentagram is such an obvious symbol.

And now the rest:

Bad Bit: What The Fuck Is Going On?

So Clary is drawing runes. Then she meets a guy who only she can see. Then later other people can see him.

Then her mum gets attacked by dudes who are looking for the Mortal Cup, so she drinks some kind of magic coma potion because that is apparently the thing you do in that situation.

Then Clary gets attacked by a demon, and the guy rescues her.

Then they do a lot of running around, and the guy who we saw with her mum earlier said he was only hanging out with her to get the cup.

Then they go to this place called the institute. Some people are vaguely rude to Clary. Others aren't.

Clary works out that Damien from Gossip Girl is both gay and in love with Fanon Draco, despite the fact that he has said one sentence and been on screen for eight seconds.

Then Clary goes to see the Silent Brothers. This is one of the bits that are vaguely visually interesting. She has a vision where she sees the name Bane (well, actually she see a series of dots, but Fanon Draco realises that the dots are really, umm, the spaces around the letters in the word BANE witten in block caps. Because her brain stored the negative image. Apparently).

Then they go to see a Warlock. It is vitally important that before they do this that (a) Clary get dressed up in sexy clothes and (b) everybody including Clary take the time to observe that she looks like a hooker, because while it is important for women to dress sexily, it is also important to remember that women who dress sexily are gigantic whores.

The warlock agrees to help them because he is gay, and therefore fancies Damien from Gossip Girl, because all gay men are instantly attracted to all other gay men. The warlock is not wearing any trousers. I am not making this up.

The Immortal Kid from Misfits is captured by vampires for no clear reason.

Something something werewolves something something.

Then there is a scene in a garden where it is all romantic and you know it is romantic because they kiss, but also because there is an extraordinarily loud and intrusive love song played over the top.

Then I think Clary works out where the Mortal Cup is, because she is drinking tea while reading a book, and suddenly the teacup goes inside the page like a picture.

Then they fight a scary black woman.

Then Clary gets the Mortal Cup. Then the man with the grey hair opens the big water portal and Valentine comes through.

Then there is a really, really long fight scene.

No, I mean, like really, really long.

I mean, like half an hour in a two hour movie.

There is a flamethrower. Why is there a flamethrower?

Clary does magic with her glowing dildo pen to freeze some demons.

Did I mention flamethrower?

Grey hair man is a good guy again?

Valentine is everybody's father.

They win?

More glowing dildo magic?

Clary and Fanon Draco drive away on a motorcycle. At a slow walking pace.

Potentially Hilarious Bit: Deviations From Canon

The thing I find most uplifting about the Mortal Instruments movie is that now not only will there be fanfiction based on a novel series based on fanfiction of a different novel series, but there will now be schisms within that fandom between book fans and movie fans.

I read City of Bones five years ago, so I don't really remember it at all well, but I'm pretty sure there were some pretty big changes from book-canon. I'm almost certain that the final confrontation in the original book doesn't take place in the Institute, and Valentine's motivations in the movie are a lot less morally ambiguous, in that he's fairly explicitly trying to take over the world with an army of demons rather than just wipe out the downworlders (I might also point out that the word “downworlder” only appears once in the entire movie).

At the risk of sounding like a horrible nerd and closeted Cla(i)re fanboy, I was strangely irritated by the fact that Valentine, in the film, is able to summon an army of demons by using sort of generic magic, since in the book of City of Ashes a major plot-point is that he needs the Mortal Sword for exactly that purpose.

Other changes form canon just made sense. For example, in the film, Valentine more or less states outright that he used the same kind of memory magic that Marcus Bane used on Clary in order to make Fanon Draco forget that he was raised by the most famous and reviled person in the history of his people. Now actually I'm pretty sure that this isn't possible under book-canon. Shadowhunter magic is runes and only runes, you'd need a warlock for a memory-block, and there's no way that Valentine would have gone to one. But here the film-makers did basically the best they could with what they had. The alternative would be to just go with what it says in the book, which is that Fanon Draco just completley failed to realise that the man who raised him looked exactly like the man whose picture is all over the Institute.

The film also strongly implied that the man Fanon Draco remembered as his father wore an enormous hood at all times.

On the subject of Fanon Draco's heritage, the film inexplicably chose to keep the nonsensical “M turned upside down” plot point from the book, and translated to a visual medium it has exactly the problem I pointed out in my original article. During the climactic scene, when Fanon Draco is staring at his hand and realising to his horror that what he thought was a W is actually an M, the camera is showing us the ring from the other side as it has more or less consistently throughout the entire movie so we are only just seeing it as a W when for us it has been an M for the rest of the film.

Also, the scene with the ring is also pretty much the first time we learn the surnames of either Valentine or Fanon Draco.

The final change from book-canon is to do with the … umm … incest.

A major plot point in The Mortal Instruments is that Clary and Fanon Draco want to be together but can't because they're brother and sister. At the end of the final book, it turns out that Valentine actually isn't Fanon Draco's father at all, he just did weird angel-blood experiments on him while he was still in the womb.

Now I could be wrong, but I think the film-makers really didn't want two and a half movies in which their male and female leads spent half their time seriously contemplating incestuous sex, so they put the “not his real father” line in before any of the other revelations. So now after Valentine shows up in the Institute, he has a conversation with Hodge, where Hodge says “hey, if you really wanted to screw with those guys you could lie and tell them they were brother and sister.” This somewhat alters the context of everything that happens next, and everything that will happen in the next two films.

So umm, yeah. That's City of Bones: the Movie. It may actually be worse than the book.Themes:

TV & Movies

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Cassandra Clare

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http://ronanwills.wordpress.com/

at 14:01 on 2013-09-01Robert Sheehan is in this? I'm really hoping he's destined for better things, so this better not end up derailing his career.

Anyway, I was hoping to see a review of the movie on here so now I can satisfy my curiosity without actually watching it myself. I have to admit some of the clips they released actually looked fairly entertaining, but I guess they're not indicative of the movie itself.

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Dan H

at 15:22 on 2013-09-01I think it depends on what you mean by "indicative". There are certainly a lot of entertaining clips, it's just that there's nothing stringing them together. It's like the film is a two hour long trailer.

This is more or less exactly the same problem that I had with the book. There are quite a lot of cool scenes, but they just sort of happen one after the other with no real throughline or sense of arc.

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Fishing in the Mud

at 15:44 on 2013-09-01I'm kind of morbidly curious about what keeps the Clare train going. It looks like she's making money off her work and everything, but I have to wonder how she feels about the terrible reviews her work gets even from critics who like and praise popular writers like Whedon and Rowling. Something tells me the poor woman isn't just in this for the money.

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Arthur B

at 22:24 on 2013-09-01

Incidentally, I think it probably says something about the way things work in Hollywood that the teenage protagonists of this film are played by actors in their mid twenties, while their father is played by an actor in his mid thirties. Clearly Valentine was extraordinarily sexually precocious (even if we ignore the fact that Collins and Campbell-Bower are the best part of a decade older than the characters they portray, Rhys-Meyers' Valentine would still have to have started breeding at nineteen to have two seventeen-year-old kids).

Isn't this part of the usual weirdness with American media wanting to cast teenagers in sexually provocative roles but not, for obvious reasons, wanting to show actual (or even simulated) underage action on screen? I literally just started watching

Vampire Diaries

and half my viewing time so far has been spent yelling at the screen WHY ARE YOU STILL IN SCHOOL GET A JOB YOU SLACKERS

(Though to be fair, the fact that all the high schoolers are grown-ass adults makes the whole thing less creepy in some ways.)

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Cressida

at 22:55 on 2013-09-01A video review from The Nostalgia Chick; I'm curious what Ferretbrainers think...

http://blip.tv/nostalgia-chick/the-next-whatever-the-mortal-instruments-and-ya-adaptations-6635563

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Arthur B

at 23:19 on 2013-09-01My thoughts are "Woah, holy shit, a TGWTG reviewer who offers interesting insights and doesn't rely heavily on gimmicks, fake rage and wAcKy ChArAcTeRs, how rare is that?"

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Michal

at 00:56 on 2013-09-02I was actually about to post that video. Needless to say, I find her points to be very good ones.

My thoughts are "Woah, holy shit, a TGWTG reviewer who offers interesting insights and doesn't rely heavily on gimmicks, fake rage and wAcKy ChArAcTeRs, how rare is that?"

The good ones gather at Chez Apocalypse. Kyle Kallgren of

Brows Held High

is also very erudite and worth watching, especially his more recent videos. (Even better, the crossover between Nostalgia Chick and Brows Held High in which they review

Freddy Got Fingered

is truly something to behold)

I'm kind of morbidly curious about what keeps the Clare train going.

There are very few writers who are purely in it for the money, even the bad ones. I can assure you E.L. James probably enjoyed writing

Fifty Shades of Grey

very much and did not think "my

Twilight

fanfic will make millions!" But if there is a sentiment towards material gain behind Clare's work and writing, it can probably be summed up by

this enormous tour bus

.

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Fishing in the Mud

at 17:04 on 2013-09-02

I can assure you E.L. James probably enjoyed writing Fifty Shades of Grey very much and did not think "my Twilight fanfic will make millions!"

No doubt. But with Clare, I get the sense she doesn't want to write dreck and doesn't want people to think she writes dreck, but may not fully understand how to get better.

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http://wrongquestions.blogspot.com/

at 09:10 on 2013-09-03

with Clare, I get the sense she doesn't want to write dreck and doesn't want people to think she writes dreck

Obviously there's a non-trivial number of people who don't think that she writes dreck. She was a massively successful fanfic author, after all, to the extent of getting a professional publishing contract off her fanfic (and despite her books' debt to Harry Potter, unlike E.L. James she hasn't sold her fanfic; she had to write something from scratch and sell that). And I have seen other YA authors rave about her, though it's not clear to me how much of this is liking the books and how much liking her. Either way, she's got a community (and readers) who give her validation, and if the film of her book has been panned it will be pretty easy for her and her fans to take this as the result of adaptation decay rather than a reflection on the source material.

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Dan H

at 13:11 on 2013-09-03To be fair to Cla(i)re, I do think she's improved over the years. City of Bones was a gigantic incoherent mess. City of Ashes was a slightly less incoherent mess, City of Glass and Clockwork Angel were sort of okay. I mean they still had all of the annoying stuff that I'd expected from Clare's writing, but they actually told a story that made some modicum of sense.

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Alice

at 13:52 on 2013-09-03Either way, she's got a community (and readers) who give her validation, and if the film of her book has been panned it will be pretty easy for her and her fans to take this as the result of adaptation decay rather than a reflection on the source material.

This should be taken with a massive pinch of salt and a [citation needed], but the impression I got was that during the film production process, Clare had talked a lot about how closely involved with the film she was, but once it became clear the film was a flop, she backpedalled and began downplaying her involvement.

Then again, she's not in the business of making films, she's in the business of selling books, and she's pretty good at that.

And I have seen other YA authors rave about her, though it's not clear to me how much of this is liking the books and how much liking her.

Wasn't Maureen Johnson accused of being part of a YA Mafia (including Johnson and Clare) who were somehow all in cahoots and conspiring to get each other published? Because there happened to be a bunch of (aspiring/new) YA authors living in NYC at the same time who were friends and liked to hang out and write together, and happened to all get published to varying degrees of success/popularity? It all seemed a bit storm-in-a-teacup-ish to me, because, well, they were all in the same business, in the same city, and about the same age. And once two or three people become friends they're likely to make friends with each other's friends, especially if you're all in the same boat like that. And sure, they might have been able to help each other with getting agents and that sort of thing, but that's not quite the same thing as getting your friend published & on the bestseller list...

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http://alula-auburn.livejournal.com/

at 19:51 on 2013-09-03I've found the commercials amazingly bad, even for the parameters "that type of thing." Like, it's possible I've blocked it out, but I don't recall the Twilight ads looking so badly put together, in terms of picking out lines to quote or images to use.

Of course, I don't quite see how all the people involved in making a film didn't get the difference between something like Harry Potter or Twilight, which for better or worse penetrated the wider culture (even my extremely pop-cultural illiterate dad could identify Harry Potter as something with a school of wizards, and Twilight as vampires) and this--I think if you didn't have at least some sense of what the books were about the commercials would look even more pointless. (Which was kind of how I felt about the other YA fantasy flop? Beautiful Creatures? Southern accents and witches or something? I still don't know.)

I've not read the TMI (lol) books, but I did read the somewhat-annotated Draco trilogy in an overwrought, sleep-deprived unmedicated-for-a-chronic-pain-condition haze, and I can vaguely see how her style could be sort of compelling for the right sort of pretentious youthful mindset. (I didn't know about the plagiarism stuff then--I barely had a sense of fandom; I was a total naif.) But how it's held up to much more than that I don't know. I also don't know anything about TMI fandom--if the books have much if any staying power outside either that brief, pretentious adolescent window (which can almost be endearing in its own way) or the somewhat incestuous-seeming YA reviews. But there are adults, I guess, who find the ponderous self-absorption of the Twilight books (at least, that's the tone I saw in the quoted lines I read) to be good and profound writing.

That said, I find John Green tiresome and the bit of Maureen Johnson I read didn't do much for me. I don't know if I've had bad luck lately in my YA choices (I read Thirteen Reasons Why because I got it for free), but I've seen a lot more of that faux-deep heavy tone, which to me does not indicate a "maturing" of YA. (But I have personal reasons to be snippy about "literary" YA, so.)

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Alice

at 20:44 on 2013-09-04I've found the commercials amazingly bad, even for the parameters "that type of thing."

I don't know that I thought they were that unusually terrible (within the parameters of "that type of thing", at least), but I was confused by the number of English accents on display, particularly Jace's. Is he meant to be/sound English*, or is it just that Jamie Campbell Bower can't do a US accent?

*I don't remember him being pegged as English in the book, but I read that years ago and don't remember the details.

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Cammalot

at 21:42 on 2013-09-04One odd thing -- virtually every review I've read of this film has complained that Jayce is "a thousand years old" or similar and either doesn't act it, or shouldn't be macking on Clary at his age. Is that something that the film made particularly confusing? I don't recall him or any other forefront character being anything like an immortal in the book -- I mainly remember Isabelle being 14 and acting a bit precociously vampy.

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Dan H

at 19:26 on 2013-09-05@Alice

I don't know that I thought they were that unusually terrible (within the parameters of "that type of thing", at least), but I was confused by the number of English accents on display, particularly Jace's. Is he meant to be/sound English*, or is it just that Jamie Campbell Bower can't do a US accent?

That confused me as well. I don't think I've ever *heard* him do an American accent, but the guy is an actor, surely he can learn? Is it that Valentine has an English accent because he's the villain, and Jace has an English accent because he was raised by Valentine? Or am I giving the film too much credit.

@Cammalot

One odd thing -- virtually every review I've read of this film has complained that Jayce is "a thousand years old" or similar and either doesn't act it, or shouldn't be macking on Clary at his age. Is that something that the film made particularly confusing?

*Everything* in the film is particularly confusing. The film makes no real attempt to explain anything, and there's one line where Jace says something about his people having been doing something "for a thousand years" and the way he says it I can see why somebody who wasn't familiar with Cla(i)re's work might think he was talking from personal experience.

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Fishing in the Mud

at 00:04 on 2013-09-06Fanon Draco must retain his English accent to remain fuckworthy. This point is not negotiable.

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Dan H

at 01:14 on 2013-09-06A tiny part of me is *incredibly* sad that they didn't cast Tom Felton as Jace.

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Cheriola

at 04:31 on 2013-09-06

Incidentally, I think it probably says something about the way things work in Hollywood that the teenage protagonists of this film are played by actors in their mid twenties, while their father is played by an actor in his mid thirties.

While I agree that the wish to sexualise teenagers is probably part of the practise of

Dawson Casting

, the reasons for it are also based in labour laws. It's much less of a hassle to work with adults who can work a full day and don't still have to get high school lessons on the side / won't suddenly leave the franchise in order to start college. And you don't run into problems like the Harry Potter movies with teen actors who age faster than their characters or suddenly look a lot different than their characters are supposed to. (e.g. the actor playing Neville became quite handsome.) Plus, even if there is the occasional prodigy, most actors really do need drama school before being anywhere close to good enough to portray actual characters, instead of just being 'cute'.

Clearly Valentine was extraordinarily sexually precocious (even if we ignore the fact that Collins and Campbell-Bower are the best part of a decade older than the characters they portray, Rhys-Meyers' Valentine would still have to have started breeding at nineteen to have two seventeen-year-old kids).

Really? It's considered "precocious" to be a horny 19-year-old egomaniac who doesn't use condoms? Seems in keeping with the power-high invincibility complex and the lack of care for other people's problems that usually characterise a stereotypical villain like that. I mean, it's not him that would have to care the baby, unless he wants to.

Also, the scene with the ring is also pretty much the first time we learn the surnames of either Valentine or Fanon Draco.

I've skim-read the book article to know what you're even talking about, and... Wait, his surname is Morgenstern?! She took a character who was a blatant Hitler metaphor and made him ethnically Jewish? That... Wow.

One can only hope that she simply wanted a German name (because all Germans are Nazis...) and thought it would be cute to use one that doubled as a Lucifer reference (it means "morning star"), and that she simply didn't do any research on German name origins. [It's one of those names that the Jewish population of the Holy Roman Empire chose when they were forced to adopt surnames in the 18th century. Usually it's pretty-sounding compound words not refering to a profession - like Goldblum(e) ("golden flower"), Bernstein ("amber") or Lilienthal ("valley of lilies").]

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Fishing in the Mud

at 11:55 on 2013-09-06I think some reviewer pointed out that the "Morgenstern" thing is one more reason the film won't work for anyone old enough to remember

Rhoda

.

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Alice

at 14:09 on 2013-09-06I've skim-read the book article to know what you're even talking about, and... Wait, his surname is Morgenstern?! She took a character who was a blatant Hitler metaphor and made him ethnically Jewish? That... Wow.

Well, Cassandra Clare is herself Jewish, so I imagine she was aware of what she was doing when she introduced the Morgenstern reference (along with its cultural/historical baggage). :-)

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Cheriola

at 15:37 on 2013-09-06Really? Huh. Well, it's her right then, I suppose. I just wonder what went through her mind that she thought saying "Yeah, our guys could be just as bad, given half a chance" and feeding into 'zionists want world domination' myths was a good idea.

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Arthur B

at 15:43 on 2013-09-06Is it not possible for Clare to be both Jewish

and

ignorant of the name's history, so she plucked a name which sounded German to her out of thin air without researching it?

I suspect she was going for the "Morgenstern = Morning Star = Lucifer" deal rather than the "Morgenstern = Jew" angle, after all.

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Alice

at 16:14 on 2013-09-06Is it not possible for Clare to be both Jewish and ignorant of the name's history, so she plucked a name which sounded German to her out of thin air without researching it?

I suppose it's possible, but I'd honestly be very surprised if she didn't read Morgenstern as sounding Jewish, even if she didn't know about the historical origins of the name.

I suspect she was going for the "Morgenstern = Morning Star = Lucifer" deal rather than the "Morgenstern = Jew" angle, after all.

Yeah, same. I suppose the thing with Morgenstern is that it's an obvious enough reference that her readers are fairly likely to catch it (and feel all clever and intellectual), while still being a recognisable surname. (She could have used the Greek form if she'd wanted to be more pretentious than usual, but "(h)eosphoros" doesn't really lend itself to turning into a surname that's easily pronounceable in English.)

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Dan H

at 17:53 on 2013-09-06

Really? It's considered "precocious" to be a horny 19-year-old egomaniac who doesn't use condoms?

I was thinking more of the scenario in which he'd started having kids at eleven rather than nineteen (and I'm using "precocious" here in the sense of "premature" rather than "talented"). Although even nineteen doesn't *really* make sense if we look at the way that the history is played up - it's never suggested that Valentine got Jocelyn pregnant accidentally, or that he had kids unusually young.

Valentine is clearly *supposed* to be in his early forties at least, it's just that then he wouldn't be in the narrow window during which Hollywood decrees actors the right age to be sexy.

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Alasdair Czyrnyj

at 23:07 on 2013-09-11

oh my what a shame who could have forseen rhubarb rhubarb

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Fishing in the Mud

at 02:03 on 2013-09-12Yeah, if it hasn't managed to turn a profit in a good three weeks, I don't blame anyone for backing off. The standards for bestselling books are a whole lot lower than for movie blockbusters.

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Dan H

at 16:02 on 2013-09-12

The standards for bestselling books are a whole lot lower than for movie blockbusters.

I assume you mean "the revenues expected from bestselling books are a whole lot lower than the revenues expected from movie blockbusters". Because for most other expectations (plot, characterization, that sort of thing), bestselling books and blockbuster movies are pretty much on par.

Also: I've been poking around the forums on Rotten Tomatoes and some of the discussions are hilarious. I particularly like the people complaining about Jace having a British accent, and the other people saying "No, that makes sense. They grew up in Idris, which is in Europe, so they'd naturally have picked up British accents."

Because all European people have British accents, you guys.

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Cammalot

at 20:11 on 2013-09-12

Because all European people have British accents, you guys.

I've long enjoyed listening to the variety of accents with which Swedish people speak English. (This is a tangent, but not a joke. There was a little honest-to-goodness rivalry in one of my classes between the ones who'd learned with a North American/U.S. accent and the ones who'd learned received pronunciation [capitalize?] -- two of these were siblings on opposite sides -- and they all ganged up on the lone Norwegian.)

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Dan H

at 22:37 on 2013-09-12

This is a tangent, but not a joke.

Three Swedes walk into a schwa?

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Shim

at 23:10 on 2013-09-12

Three Swedes walk into a schwa?

...and say "əw!"?

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Fishing in the Mud

at 01:16 on 2013-09-13

I assume you mean "the revenues expected from bestselling books are a whole lot lower than the revenues expected from movie blockbusters".

Right, sorry about the word salad. Yesterday was a long day.

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http://elsurian.livejournal.com/

at 05:24 on 2013-09-13In the halcyon days of 2008

Jesus Christ, has this franchise really been around for 5 years?

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Cammalot

at 18:13 on 2013-09-13

Three Swedes walk into a schwa?

Hee.

I want to make some sort of vegetable-based pun now, but I got nothin'.

Jesus Christ, has this franchise really been around for 5 years?

And going on what, nine books? (Gotta admire the productivity.)

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Dan H

at 19:05 on 2013-09-13Is anybody else feeling really freaking old right about now?

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Cammalot

at 19:55 on 2013-09-13Yes!

(Although that's partly because at today's freelance gig, I just met a coworker who was born my first year of college.)

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Dan H

at 21:58 on 2013-09-13Ouch.

I'm particularly looking forward to our next couple of GCSE intakes, which will be the point at which I start working with people who were born in the 21st century.

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Fishing in the Mud

at 00:44 on 2013-09-14Yeah, I just found out half the people I report to directly at work are younger than I am.

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[lame-fandom-geeks]

Sleeping Beauty part 2

hey im sorry guys this is part two and its been forever.  Ive also screwed myself because i made this 3 parts stay tuned for the third ill try to get it out faster :)

summary: Sam and Dean found you asleep and unresponsive, now they know how to save you.

word count: 1294

warnings: none                                          

PART ONE 

Dean drove uncharacteristically slow.  He took the corners gently and eased into each stop.  Every few minutes he would turn around to check on you.  You never changed though, the only signs of life you gave were the occasional snores.  

The Impala pulled into the parking lot of the public library and the boys clambered out.  

���Hey, Sammy, lock your doors,” Dean instructed.  Sam looked at him funny.

“Your kidding right,” he asked, ”it's not like she's going anywhere.”  Sam laughed.

“Just lock the damn door,” Dean said taking off to towards the entrance.

At the front desk Dean set up his dazzling smile and leaned over the counter to the woman.  She was in her mid fifties, with glasses hanging around her neck on a beaded cord; just the type to love Deans flattery.

“Good morning,” he started, coating his voice in sugar, “you look like just the person to help me.” “Of course, what can I do for you,” she offered.

“Im looking for a dear friend of mine, you might know her, Y/n?.” Dean said.  The woman lit up at your name.

“Oh yes I know her,” the woman said, “She reads to the children on thursdays.  She is a wonderful girl.” The older woman was obviously very fond you. “I’m not quite sure where she is but Clarissa our staff coordinator might know.  I’ll take you to her.”  The woman got up and motioned for Dean to follow.  A quick look to Sam who was loitering by the best reads section, and he was off following the woman.  

Clarissa’s office was small and shared with another currently empty desk.  At his entrance Clarissa looked up.  She had dark hair and bright blue eyes, and was wearing a wiccan symbol on her necklace.  Easy.

“What can I do for you,” She said smiling sweetly.  Dean leaned on her desk fiddling with stack of book marks.

“I’m hoping you know something about my friend Y/n.” He said.  She visibly tensed.  

“Oh Y/n,” she started, “ Y/n she, uh, she volunteers here on thursdays reading to the kids.

She files here part time, yesterday actually”  Clarissia cleared her throat and avoided Deans piercing eyes, looking at her computer, the notepad in front of her, the cabinet behind Dean; anything other than his eyes.  

“You see, that's funny,” Dean chuckled without humor, “because she’s been awful tired lately and I think you know why that is.”  Dean kicked the door to her office shut with the toe of his boot as he finished.

“I don’t know anything about Y/n.” Clarissa rushed out.  “I don’t have anything to do with this.”  The door to the office opened and Sam stepped in.  He closed the door behind him and leaned against it subtly giving Dean backup.

“The last email you sent looked pretty threatening,” Sam commented. “Want to explain that?”

“I was mad but I didn’t hurt her!” Clarissa defended herself.

“I never said she was hurt,” Dean said, “Start giving me some real answers and I won’t have to get them out of you”.  Dean flashed a blade in his coat.  Her eyes blew open and she slide back in her desk chair.  

“I was talking to my friend about how I didn't like that Y/n got the nice jobs and I only got filing.”  she said.  “I didn't know she was a real witch.”  Clarissa sunk into her chair hiding from Deans menacing blade.

“So you want us to believe,” Dean said while walking around the desk to sit in front of her, “that you didn’t know she was being cursed?”  Dean reached towards his jacket.

“WAIT!” Clarissa yelped, “I did know we were cursing her.  But I thought this wiccan thing was just an alternate religion not real magic.”  Dean pulled his hand from his blade, Sam wandered over to the table and bent to Clarissas eye level.

“We need you to reverse it,” Sam said.  

“It’s not reversible,” She said, “But there is a way to cure it.”  Clarissa launched into a tale of the proceedings of the spell.  “I thought it was a joke so I said the spell should make her sleep for a thousand years, like sleeping beauty.” She watched as Sam and Dean exchanged looks.  “If she gets kissed by her true love or prince charming or whatever she should wake up.”  She continued  “But because there is and out for the spell there is no way to stop it unless that happens.”

Dean watched her face closely for any signs of lying but he couldn’t find any.  She was telling the truth.  “Well that’s all we need you for then,” Dean got up and left just like that.

“He’s in a mood, sorry about that.” Sam sighed,”I hope you understand how serious this is.  Y/n is completely unresponsive.  Clarissa, magic is real, and you’ve started dabbling in something very serious.”   

“I didn’t know!” she defended herself.  “Well now you do.” Sam said and left after Dean.  Clarissa slumped over her desk and let out the breath she had been holding for what seemed like ever.  

Dean walked out to the car in a huff.  He slid into the front, immediately turning around to check on you.  The back seat was empty.  

“Son of a-” Dean cut himself off.  Piled up on the floor behind the driver' seat and barely visible beneath the wool blanket was your tightly curled sleeping body.  Dean sighed and rested his head on the steering wheel.  ‘You were still with him’ he reasoned.

The passenger door opened and the car bounced as Sam dropping into his seat.  

“So,” Sam started, “Who’s her prince charming?”  Dean groaned and said nothing, instead turning the car on and backing out of the parking lot.  

Dean broke the silence half way back to Y/n’s house.  

“You were the first person to save her,” Dean said.  “Little 22 year old Sammy saves her and she jokes for months that she owes you a life debt.  Its you Sam, your her best friend, it’s always been you.”  Sam eyed his brother with skepticism.  

“You saved her too Dean, last time we were here you killed that werewolf when it even mentioned her name.”

“But she didn’t know about that,” Dean argued, “that whole interaction lasted 2 minutes it was just ganking a monster.”  Dean pulled off the road in front of your house, getting out before Sam could argue back.  Dean opened the back door and struggled to get you out of your tucked away position.  Eventually he managed to gather your sleeping body up in his arms; with Sam already inside he didn’t bother to hide his smile when your head fell against his chest.  Inside he sat your body somewhat up right on the couch hoping to make this a little more normal.

“Okay Sam,” Dean took a joking tone to his voice, “Have at it.”  Sam scowled at Dean.

“Don’t make it weird man.” Sam said.  Awkwardly Sam sat on the edge of the couch.  He shifted his body a little trying not to crush you.  Dean moved away into the kitchen but kept and eye on the situation.

Sam tentatively reached to your face holding your cheek in his hand.  For a long moment he stared at your face; then with no apparent trigger he leaned forward, closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to your lips.  It was quick and pointed, Sam pulled back to see your reaction.

Nothing.  Not even a twitch.  You slept as peacefully as you had for the last day.  Sam had saved you before but he wasn’t your prince charming.  In the kitchen Deans shoulders relaxed and relief washed over him.

Heyy thanks for reading your support means so much

taglist:  @thebutterscotchhero   @clarinette07

[toumakibangs]

This is my family: I found it all on my own. [Part IV. Trip]

Prompt: “I could kill you right now!”

Jules’ Notes: Sorry, I had to switch prompts because I really really didn’t manage to finish this one yesterday! Anyway, second to last installment of our SingleDads!AU. I swore I wasn’t going to give you the Hakone trip and here I am, giving you the Hakone trip!

You just can’t keep these guys away from the mountains…

[sidenote: there was a scene in the first draft featuring the kids discovering bikes. It got cut out in the end, but who knows what will happen in the future…]

At long last, they manage to free themselves from their busy schedule to organize a proper trip to Hakone: Toudou insists on having them as guests at his family’s ryokan, and although at first Makishima attempts to protest and offer proper payment for his and Sakamichi’s stay, at some point he decides he isn’t really in the position to turn down an offer of free accommodation into a traditional inn with renowned hot springs.

The day before they leave for the weekend, he gets Sakamichi a Love!Hime mini-trolley that matches his kindergarten backpack and pencil case, and shows him how grown-ups pack their things before travelling. Hakone is just a couple of hours away, by train, but it’s still the longest journey that Sakamichi has ever taken, and he has never spent a night in a place that is not his bedroom since Makishima brought him home, so it deserves some preparation. Reassurances about potty breaks and futons, but also promises about food and baths and beautiful scenery: Sakamichi dozes off with a smile, dreaming about sweet mochi in beautiful shapes, and Makishima takes off his glasses and tucks the covers around him.

The child alternates excitement and worry, and it’s the most adorable thing Makishima has ever seen. They avoid an unpleasant accident on the shinkansen, a small victory that grants Sakamichi a proud high-five from his guardian, along with a loud kiss on his plump cheek that makes him laugh and a big hug, just because. They have a light snack before arriving, and step off the train chuckling at a silly joke Sakamichi heard from the tv the previous day.

Toudou is waiting for them on the platform, holding Sangaku’s hand: the child looks around with a dreamy expression, but lights up immediately the moment he spots his friend and starts running in his direction, tugging Toudou along. They exchange cordialities as the kids greet each other enthusiastically. They haven’t talked about the text from a few nights before, the one that Makishima has left unanswered out of sheer panic, but he doesn’t feel any sort of awkward vibe stemming from Toudou, which puts his mind a little more at ease. Or would put it at ease, if it wasn’t that now he feels hyper aware of Toudou, always: had his hair always looked so shiny? Was his skin always that flawless? Why hadn’t Makishima ever noticed his built before? Was it because Toudou’s casual wear hugged his body in ways his more formal attire didn’t? Had he whitened his teeth in the past days?!

- Sorry for making the two of you come on your own: my parents needed help and we came here several days ago.

- I hope we are not intruding, is it okay for us to stay?

Toudou waves off his concerns.

- Sure. Nothing serious, just ordinary maintenance and family reunions. When they know I’m on vacation, they take advantage of me as much as they can. Plus, Grandma likes to spoil Sangaku a little, doesn’t she, Sangaku?

The kid looks up puzzled, like he doesn’t really understand what the word means, and he hugs Toudou’s leg in answer, earning himself a pat on the head. Makishima smiles at Sangaku, but evidently the only effect it has is to scare him enough to hide behind Toudou’s knees. Sakamichi takes it as a game and does the same, peeking and waving at Sangaku from the space between Makishima’s legs. Sangaku giggles and answers in kind. Toudou grins at the toddlers and fishes keys out of a pocket.

- Let’s go, I took one of the inn’s vans!

*

- Are you sure this is alright?

Makishima asks again while they’re putting his and Sakamichi’s trolley away and buckling up the kids in the car seats, and again Toudou reassures him.

- I’ve told you to not worry: we have already scheduled today’s trips for all the guests and we’re free to use the van as we please. We might need to stop by one of our suppliers on the way back, though. We almost ran out of sake at the inn and our trusted distillery is on the way back. I promised I would have stocked up in exchange of the van.

The boys squeal at nothing in particular, maybe just at the prospect of their trip including another, surprise stop. Makishima raises a brow at Toudou, who checks Sangaku’s belts one last time and then scratches his head.

- They have child-friendly snacks there too, I promise.

Toudou starts the engine while Makishima closes his own door and holds the small backpack on his knees.

- We took the liberty of bringing a double dessert. Chocolate.

- I love chocolate!

Manami pipes up from behind Toudou, who winks at him and also rolls his eyes theatrically.

- Who doesn’t! But that’s very nice of you: we actually have extra watermelon ourselves, don’t we, Sangaku?

- I can spit the seeds very far!

Toudou groans and apologizes for his son’s loose tongue, but Makishima can already feel Sakamichi vibrating in excitement.

- So cool, Manami-kun!

Makishima resigns himself to having to teach his son how to spit watermelon seeds like an automatic rifle.

*

The Hakone mountains are beautiful. More beautiful than Makishima remembered and more beautiful than he expected. They pick an easy path, one appropriate for the children and that leads to a clearing where they can have a picnic. The scenery is breath-taking, so much that for a while, Makishima forgets to speak. Sakamichi turns on himself while he walks, starstruck and with his mouth wide open. For a moment, Makishima thinks the new environment has broken his kid, but then something blue zooms in his peripheral vision and he spots Sangaku running ahead, looking more focused and determined that Makishima has ever seen him. The kid sprints like he has wings, fast and unstoppable and gaining advantage on them after every second. Makishima makes to call after him, but Toudou puts a hand on his arm and signals him that it’s alright.

- The path is clear and safe, and Sangaku knows he has to stay where I can see him. I know it may seem irresponsible of me, but… sometimes he needs to be let free. We have an agreement that climbing trees and playing near the river is only to be done under my supervision, but he loves these places, and he likes running around so much… it does him a lot of good, honestly. He’s the happiest up here, I can’t really bring myself to ground him with too many rules.

Makishima nods, still a little apprehensive at the sight of Sangaku distancing himself from them. He didn’t think he would have been that kind of parent, with how much he values his own freedom, but here he is. And Sakamichi, at his side, has his eyes glued to Manami but throws furtive glances up at him while his legs shake in the effort of staying still. Makishima puts two and two together.

- Sakamichi, do you want to go, too?

Sakamichi’s eyes go wide and he gasps, a little overwhelmed by the mere chance of knowing the possibility to follow Manami exists, of being given a choice on the matter. His voice is high-pitched. Higher than usual at least, and squeaky.

- C-Can I???

Makishima is at a loss, because on one hand he would really really prefer that Sakamichi, being inexperienced and a little clumsy, stayed a little closer – but on the other he knows he’d feel just as bad if he were to deny Sakamichi the chance to have fun. It is one thing to put up rules and boundaries to educate a child and make him learn to eat his vegetables and stay safe, but it is another to actually prevent him from enjoying a trip into what is basically a big, organic playground. Plus, Sakamichi is unawarely making the face that Makishima can’t resist, therefore it’s an already lost battle. Trying to not think about all the ways a child can hurt himself in the open and mentally recalling the dates of every single vaccine shot Sakamichi has taken (the booster one for tetanus was one of the last, and Makishima was present for that, so he’s covered), he adjusts his son’s cap and takes his small backpack to make him lighter.

- Go. But don’t go where I can’t see you.

Sakamichi’s face breaks up in the most dazzling smile Makishima has ever received and the kid shouts a ‘thank you’ before running after Sangaku, who is waiting for him. Makishima has brought Sakamichi to their neighbourhood’s park often, he knows his kid loves to play and doesn’t shy away from hide-and-seek or tag, but being smaller and not very fast or strong, he does shy away from his peers, a little, which always makes him look a bit withdrawn in the crowd of children. He’s different with Shunsuke, and Shoukichi, more relaxed and more prone to participate in whatever activity they come up with, even if it usually ends up with him running after and keeping up with the other two as they butt head and compete over every little thing. This is another thing entirely, and Makishima has a hard time acknowledging that the resolute boy running fast in front of him is his son: Sakamichi’s legs move fast, and although it should tire him to keep up such a speed, it really doesn’t, and Sakamichi calls for Sangaku while he catches up (he always does that) and doesn’t even slow down when the two of them sprint together in another direction, heading towards a big stone first, a bunch of lilac flowers later, and then towards a weirdly shaped log that Sangaku swears it’s full of lizards they can chase.

They laugh loudly as the quick reptiles escape swiftly through their fingers and Makishima is torn between wanting to cry of joy at such a healthy display of ease and well-being, and the urge to sanitize every single blade of grass and kill every potentially dangerous insect in a two-meters-radius from Sakamichi. He hears Toudou chuckle at his right.

- Yeah, it’s really hard the first time.

- Shut up. I could kill you right now.

Toudou laughs and shifts his own backpack more so it rests more comfortably on his shoulders.

- Let’s go, Maki-chan! We have to keep up with our sons and show them who they’re dealing with!

He walks past him and flows into a higher rhythm without missing a beat. Before Makishima knows, Toudou is several steps ahead of him and he has to run to catch him again and settle on his speed. It’s a very comfortable one.

*

- You come here often?

A little more than an hour later, they’re sprawled on their respective quilts on the grass and setting up the food and cutlery for their pic-nic. There are dedicated resting areas on the track, with proper tables and facilities, but Toudou recommended a more classic experience, for their first trip. Makishima admits that the atmosphere is more bucolic this way.

- As often as I can. Yeas, Sangaku does indeed love it up here, but there are also steep paths that are meant for adults, not children, that I enjoy walking alone. The view is really striking up there.

Toudou points at the different mountains and the woods as he speak, with the confident air of someone who know very well what he’s talking about and that is in his element. It’s striking in a completely different way from the scenery. Makishima clears his throat, feeling the collar of his shirt suddenly too constricting, and he takes out of Sakamichi’s Love!Hime backpack a matching lunchbox.

- He’s really into it, isn’t he? The show.

Makishima looks up and follows Toudou’s line of sight, noticing the little backpack, the lunchbox, the ball Sakamichi and Sangaku are playing with and the mini trolley they have left in the van. He shrugs.

- I believe cartoons are Sakamichi’s biggest passion, as a whole, but he really got into this one, he’s totally in love. He made me watch it with him more than once and… I admit I can see why he likes it so much. It’s the story of a very average girl, with no talent whatsoever, who gets chosen to be a magical girl because of her kindness, but being her an unskilled person, she has to learn how to be a magical girl and improve her magical abilities. She has to overcome several trials in every episode and gets discouraged easily, but she makes good friends along the way. Plus, she has the help of a very weird looking mentor and her love interest is a very gifted apprentice from another magical academy.

- Are you sure you’re not into it as well?

Makishima chuckles and runs his thumb over the lunchbox, from where Kotori is making a peace sign at him.

- I think it’s a good show, for kids. No wonder it’s so popular. And it’s hard to explain, but while he enjoys pretty much every tv show meant for his age, this is different. This Love!Hime thing… inspires him. Does it make sense? I don’t know, maybe a child psychologist would hold a different opinion, but… it gives him courage, to think about what these characters would do if they were in his place. I’ve also been able to explain him bigger concepts, using them and their adventures, and he grasps them easily in those terms. So, yeah, Love!Hime is a very big deal in our household, and we really like our merchandise. One would say I spoil him too much, but… it doesn’t really feels that way? I mean… he never asks for anything. At all. And, I mean… if he needs something new, like his backpack when he started attending kindergarten, why shouldn’t I get him one with his favourite hero printed on? I can afford it.

Toudou lets him talk, guessing there’s a little more history behind his words.

- I’m not a spendthrift, nor a squanderer, but when Sakamichi came home with me all his possessions could fit into a small suitcase and were old hand-me-downs that made me feel sad just by looking at them. And his most treasured toy was the plush hippo I had got for him when we met at the zoo. He hasn’t owned pretty much anything until now, and he’s not a capricious child. He likes a cartoon with a magical girl and stuffed animals, why shouldn’t I get him these things, when I have the chance? Geez, he doesn’t even take me for granted, I still have a hard time making him understand that the things he has belong to him…

Toudou offers him rice balls with a tender expression.

- I know the feeling. I just wish Sangaku loved this way something else, apart from the mountains.

Makishima takes the lid off his box of takoyaki and puts it in the middle of the quilt, to share. Toudou calls the boys and, as they come, Makishima can’t believe Sakamichi still has the energy to chatter. At his left, Toudou wrestles sanitizer into Sangaku hands before allowing him near the food, but he’s doing so with a fond smile that turns even brighter when the child start eating in earnest, even looking for this or that snack they brought. Sakamichi does the same, trying dishes without even asking what’s in there. Toudou helps Sangaku with a water bottle.

- He’s a little picky with his food, but I think we’re getting better.

Makishima thinks about Sakamichi’s quiet acceptance of everything he puts in his plate, even when it’s clear that he’s not fond of some tastes, and watches him munch happily on Toudou’s salads. He kisses the top of his child’s head and asks Toudou for some recipes.

*

Predictably, the kids take a nap during the ride back to Toudou-an, but they’re wide awake for the traditional bath.

- The main pool is too hot for children, but we have an indoor bath where we keep the water’s temperature to a lower degree, if you’d like to let Sakamichi soak. He can enter the hot springs too, but he should sit outside of the water. Manami usually does that.

- I think we’ll make do with the indoor one, for now. Are you coming with us?

The words are out before Makishima can think about their implications. Toudou scratches his head.

- I would like to sort things out with my parents, first: you know, the sake order and everything, but if you feel comfortable enough to handle Sangaku, I could leave him in your care. I admit I like the hot springs better, so I wouldn’t mind postponing the bath a little and go soak while he’s asleep.

Makishima nods and goes to retrieve a change of clothes for him and Sakamichi, only to find a couple of yukatas on their futons. Already imagining Sakamichi’s face once he’ll tell him he has to wear such a garment, he goes back and gathers the kids, leading them inside the bath. On an empty bench there’s another tiny yukata waiting for Sangaku. Who luckily is an expert in terms of bathing and turns out to be very helpful in teaching Sakamichi all the ways of a communal pool and of a traditional ryokan.

*

Dinner is a light affair and the kids are asleep before they swallow the last bite of their dessert. They agree on letting them sleep close to each other for the time being, even if Makishima and Sakamichi’s futons are actually on the other side of the paper panel that divides the reasonably sized room that Toudou and Sangaku usually occupy when they visit.

- Sorry I couldn’t manage to get you another one. High season.

- Exactly because it’s high season it’s already very generous of you to host us for free. Do not worry about such trivial things.

- Maki-chan.

- Mh?

- Go enjoy the hot springs. The real thing, I mean. I can watch over the kids for a while.

- I already bathed, I wouldn’t want to im-

- I insist. They’re the pride of our inn: my grandmother will chase me with a broomstick if she finds out I let you go without a proper soak.

Toudou’s grandmother is a formidable looking ancient woman who could probably outlive her whole progeny and wouldn’t do so out of sheer pity and spirit of adventure. The image of her running after her rude nephew brandishing a broomstick is as comical as it is plausible, and Makishima laughs.

- Alright, I’ll go. Thank you.

*

The problem is, after the thirty minutes that they agreed on, Toudou goes too.

And Makishima would have left on time, and given him the change with the kids, if he hadn’t dozed off in the bath, but of course he did, and of course now he gets to wake up to the very sight he tried so hard to avoid: that of a very naked Toudou sitting dangerously close to him in a deserted hot spring. And shaking him into consciousness, which is a bonus that didn’t belong to the fantasy.

- Maki-chan! That’s why you should never bathe alone! Wake up! Are you alright?!

Makishima has enough presence of mind and coordination to stand up on his own and pull a towel around his waist in the meantime, grateful to the deities that Toudou has had the decency to never take his own off in the first place. He doesn’t know if he feels more embarrassed (and is therefore more red) for having being caught dead asleep in a public hot spring he’s been invited to, for the hot water or for standing in his birthday suit in front of his equally unclothed crush. Because yes, in the past half-hour he’s finally come to terms with the fact that he most likely has a crush on Toudou. Talk about mineral-rich waters and their power to clear minds and, contextually, complicate things.

- I… I think I should go.

- I’m coming with you.

- You’ve barely put foot in the bath.

- I’ve grown up here. I can live with missing a night. Besides, there’s still tomorrow morning. The sun comes up from that side. It’s beautiful.

Why is everything about you and your family absolutely breath-taking!?

Makishima nods, because there’s nothing else he can do, and stumbles into the changing rooms, Toudou in tow. They get dressed in silence, turned in opposite directions, but in their hast to finish before each other they end up tying their yukatas and moving to the exit at the same moment. The walk back to the room they share it’s an awkward one, and Makishima tries to find an excuse to pull that paper door close on his side of the accommodation without sounding too rude. Because what if he has completely misunderstood the situation and ends up ruining this, whatever it is, and also Sakamichi’s first friendship?

Toudou catches the sleeve of his yukata in front of their door. True to his nature, he’s staring straight into Makishima’s eyes.

- You are troubled. What is it?

Makishima swallows and looks away, touching his neck and grimacing at the naked skin he finds there. He hasn’t let his hair down. How could he forget to let his hair down!?

- It’s because of what I said, isn’t it? About the text I sent you the night I came back from the hospital.

Makishima wouldn’t be able to speak even if he wanted to. And he’s not sure he wants to, because he doesn’t trust his tongue, his mouth, his eyes, his body, anything about him. And Toudou makes of his silence what he wants…

- I’m sorry, I… I shouldn’t have sent it, I… I never meant to make things awkward. I… – he sighs, running fingers through his hair, and does Makishima have to notice right now that Toudou is not wearing a headband and is probably the one person in the whole world that looks good with bangs?! – I was vulnerable, that day. I had just put Sangaku to sleep with stitches on his eyebrow. I was exhausted and I felt so grateful towards you, you have no idea how much. I overstepped and overshared, and I’m sorry if my words came out wrong. They were true though: I was thinking about you when Sangaku got hurt, and maybe I felt the need to say it out loud because it helped me ease the guilt a little. I’ve… It’s been a while, since I have… built something with a person. Connected to someone new. And you are – you’re a force of nature, but an approachable one. I know it’s not easy for you, either, but you make it seem easier, being a parent, and I… I really needed it, right now. Someone like you.

Makishima kisses first, and neither he or Toudou expected that. In fact, Toudou stills under his hands and lips and Makishima pulls back enough to look at his slightly horrified face and his stomach drops to the ground. But Toudou has stopped talking.

- I just ruined everything, didn’t I? I… I got it all wrong, and you were merely referring to my presence in your life as a fellow single parent with a troubled child and a peculiar history, didn’t you?! Geez, of course you did, I don’t even know where you swin-

Toudou kisses second, and he kisses hard. Makishima understands now why Toudou might have not responded to his assault, he doesn’t feel able to either, he’s too stunned by the absurdity of the whole situation to even lift a hand. Toudou steps back but leaves his hands on Makishima’s neck.

- I swing in any way you need me to. And no, you didn’t misunderstand anything.

They kiss again, and this time it’s a mutual thing, which makes everything more interesting and less awkward. Toudou feels and tastes exactly like Makishima imagined (because now he can admit to himself he has been imagining this for quite some time). Makishima fits into his arms as perfectly has Toudou hoped he would. Makishima leans on the thin wall and pulls Toudou along, hands growing bolder and roaming over bodies and loose yukatas. They pull apart only when it’s absolutely necessary to do so, panting.

- It’s been…

- A while? Yeah, me too. You know, with a kid and everything…

Toudou laughs and rests his head on his shoulders. Makishima hugs him. It feels good. He had forgotten how good it could feel. He dives for another kiss. Sakamichi’s scream stops him before their lips can touch again and he pushes Toudou off of himself. He doesn’t take offense and doesn’t miss a bit. Makishima thinks he could fall in love with this man.

- What is it? – he asks as Makishima pulls open the door and kneels at his child’s side.

- Nightmare. Sakamichi. Sakamichi!

Sakamichi wakes up, startled and scared and in an environment that he doesn’t recognize. Predictably, he falls into an hysterical cry, but while Toudou is close to panic, Makishima seems to know what he’s doing. Therefore, Toudou focuses on his own kid, jolted awake by Sakamichi’s cries and close to a fear-induced tantrum himself.

Makishima disappears behind the inner paper door and turns on a lamp to give the room a warm glow of orange light. Toudou watches his silhouette from the other side of the light panel and hushes Sangaku, who hiccups sleepily into his arms. Makishima comes out several minutes later, cradling Sakamichi to his chest. Toudou notices that the child is still wide awake and slightly unsettled, and hugged tight to the hippo plush that Toudou imagines is the one Makishima told him about.

- Jinpachi, can you do me a favour?

Toudou nods.

- Would it be possible to warm up some milk, with a drop of honey? I have the sippy cup in my bag.

Toudou stands up, Sangaku on his hip.

- I’m on it, don’t worry. There’s an extra blanket in the wardrobe, should you need it, and spare futons as well: I don’t think he’s had any accident, but it’s better if you know, just in case.

Makishima mouths a ‘thank you’ and watches him leave the room with a light pang of loss. Then Sakamichi shudders again, and his attention is diverted to something much more important.

*

An hour or so later, the kids are asleep again, but the four of them are huddled on a single double futon, since it has proven impossible to separate Sangaku from Sakamichi without either of them fussing, and Sakamichi wouldn’t have let Makishima go if his life depended on it.

- Does it happen often?

- The nightmares? Not anymore. It was worse, at the beginning, but every now and then he has one.

- Sangaku did too, but in a sense it was worse, because he’s always been a silent kid, so I wouldn’t know there was a problem until it was bad enough that he came crawling into my bed. Which, in my opinion, was already too late.

- How did you deal with it?

- I put a monitor on his nightstand and developed a sixth sense.

- I know what you mean.

Sakamichi mumbles something into his sleep and Makishima cuddles him closer.

- About earlier. Perhaps we should… ah…

- …take things slow?

- Yeah. Don’t… don’t get me wrong, Jinpachi, it’s not like I want out, I just…

- …have a kid. So do I. And it’s been a while. Same here.

Makishima looks at him with longing, mixed with guilt. It’s a look Toudou knows well, and he can’t help himself: he tucks a stray lock of curly green hair behind Makishima’s ear and leaves his hand on Makishima’s cheek.

- I’m okay with slow, Maki-chan.

Makishima closes his eyes and they both lean over for a last kiss. A slow one.