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biillys · 23 hours ago

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hi okay au where neil and susan have a whoopsie baby together and somehow that becomes billy's problem.

(oops this got long. sorry. anyway)

billy and max being like. what the actual fuck is wrong with you? you don't even care about the kids you've got?

susan bluffing her way through some excuses, telling them it'll be a good thing. saying it'll bring them closer together, that they can be a family. a real family.

"well, what the hell are we now then?" max throws back, all attitude.

susan grimacing but continuing on, saying how her and neil are excited to have a baby, that it's something for them all to look forward to.

billy looking warily between her and neil, taking in susan's shaky hands and his dad's complete dismissal to anything being wrong, and forcing himself to take a deep breath. telling himself to tread carefully, that pissing off his dad right now won't do anything.

"you're having a baby," he starts with, his voice even. it comes out as more of a statement than a question.

shit escalating, as it always does.

the conversation ending with him on his feet, an arm thrown wide, neil looking at him like he's ready to throw him into the wall, susan with tears in her eyes, and max shoving his dad's grip off her arm.

thinks, neil can't be responsible for a fucking baby.

susan can barely keep track of the kid she's got.

"i'm not looking after your fucking kid when everything falls to shit."

things moving on, them finding their new normal. everyone ignoring the elephant in the room and pretending nothing's changed.

neil acting like king shit. like he's got it fucking made.

knows, he won't be the one changing diapers or doing late night feeds or rocking the baby to sleep.

he won't be the one actually dealing with the thing.

instead, he'll just get to be proud.

him and susan will be a real married couple with a child that's actually theirs, and he'll have a wife that can do all the work and won't fight him at every turn.

he'll get the perfect kid.

the kid of dreams.

a child that looks up to him and respects him.

he'll raise them right.

the second trimester starting. reality starting to hit.

changing tables, cribs, strollers, diapers, and clothing costs being so much more than when billy and max were born, and it taking no time for neil to start pulling his hair out over the price of things.

one trip to the local baby shop has him kicked out after yelling at a staff member and demanding to see their manager while susan stands beside him, red faced and barely holding herself together, clutching her handbag close and doing her best to calm him down as they get escorted out.

billy and max watching the trainwreck slowly unfold, listening on as neil rants and raves about how how hard he has it, being the sole provider for an ungrateful family.

them trying to figure out how all of this is going to settle when everything inevitably falls into chaos.

billy hinting at moving out.

max punching him in the arm, glaring at him when he tries to reason that he's eighteen now–he can leave.

"we're meant to be a team now, asshole," she bitches back, thinking up three different ways to murder him if he abandons her in this shithole alone.

billy rolling his eyes.

susan getting classed as high risk due to her age and a few complications. running a few extra tests and taking a few extra precautions, then finally hitting the 20 week mark. getting a rough idea of the sex.

the nurse stressing that she can't get a clear look, the baby being as active as ever, and therefore can't make any official announcements, but neil disregarding her and turning to susan, proud as hell.

they're going to have a daughter.

"at least it's not a boy–" neil says, voice relaxed, digging into his dinner that night. "–after my last screw up of a son."

billy grinding his jaw.

neil looking over at susan, completely oblivious, an easy smile on his face. "we're going to have a real daughter."

both billy and max sitting there and looking at each other like you hearin' this shit?

susan staring a hole into her dinner.

neil going on, saying how he might finally get a child he can talk about, a child that he can mention to his co-workers and not have them look at him with judgment in their eyes, everyone in town knowing the name billy hargrove, and max starting to make a name for herself the older and more rebellious she gets.

the third trimester coming in swinging and neil enlisting billy's help to go pick up some secondhand furniture.

turning to him during the car ride and clasping a hand on his shoulder, telling him he's old enough now to go out on his own. that it's time for him to move out. that he can't rely on him and susan forever.

billy being pissed.

"are you kicking me out right now?"

neil saying some bullshit about how it's time for him to grow up. to learn self-reliance.

billy laughing, but it's harsh. "you need room for the fucking baby, don't bullshit yourself."

billy moving out, him and heather renting a place together a few blocks over. max being pissed as fuck.

billy letting her pick out the secondhand couch, telling her to make sure it's comfortable 'cause that's where she'll be sleeping when she crashes there.

the baby coming, and it being a boy.

a son.

neil walking out into the waiting room, face blank, looking at his two eldest kids–pissed. billy and max turning to each other like oh fuck. this kid's been in the world five minutes and they're already on neil's bad side.

susan and neil having only been prepared for a girl, from the name to the clothes to the painted nursery walls.

max holding the baby awkwardly in her arms while susan cries and neil stands off to the side, arms folded and face tight.

billy trying to get the fuck out of dodge before he has to either hold the kid or deal with his dad losing it. offering to go home and re-paint the nursery. blue or some shit. try and find some pink-free onsies and singlets and socks to bring to the hospital.

max jumping in and saying she'll help, trying to pass the baby back to her mom.

susan looking at billy with tears in her eyes, lifting the baby towards him. "don't you want to meet your brother?"

billy being awkward as fuck about it, trying to make excuses. "the paint–the fumes. should get on that so that we can air the room out–"

"meet your brother, son," neil cuts in, clearing his throat and stepping forward.

billy picking up the baby in the most awkward way possible, struggling to hold him right. the baby wailing the second he touches them.

susan sniffling, saying he's probably just hungry, then moving to adjust her hospital gown and blanket. billy taking one look at her getting her chest out and basically throwing the baby at her, half out the door.

"jesus, fuck–let's go," he says, grabbing max's arm on the way out.

repainting the nursery and sorting through baby shit with heather and el's help. finding receipts to see what can be returned and exchanged, and which things they'll just have to make do with.

susan deciding to name the baby andrew, taking neil's middle name. neil softening a bit at having a namesake.

billy and max screwing their nose up at the choice and deciding the poor kid's already suffering enough, with having neil for a dad and all, and he probably doesn't need to be named after him, too.

testing out nicknames and eventually landing on AJ.

neil fucking hating it.

susan trying to be positive, saying she thinks it's nice that the kids already have a nickname for him.

susan and the baby coming home from hospital and reality hitting for real.

neil never lifting a finger, and susan doing her best to keep the household running. putting dinner on the table, keeping up with the washing, making sure the house is clean enough that neil doesn't trip over any baby toys, looking after a newborn, as well as trying to recover and look after herself.

fucking exhausting herself.

billy coming around for weekly dinner's after max twists his arm into it, claiming he owes her for leaving her in that nightmare house alone.

neil being surprisingly supportive of the idea, because for some reason, he's been suspiciously chill with him since he moved out, like a little bit of growing up and a whole lot of distance was all they needed to not be at each others throats.

billy sitting at the kitchen table and watching susan plate up neil's dinner, a crying baby craddled in her free arm, looking close to collapsing. raising an eyebrow at max.

"all week?" he mouths.

"all week," max nods, confirming.

AJ being a high maintenance baby. barely sleeping through the night, and being fussy as fuck when it comes to feeding. crying most of the time, and hating being put down. clingy as hell.

billy and max watch on one night like. damn, he's a brave little fucker, screaming his way through neil's nightly beer.

neil glaring at susan from his seat on the couch then giving her a look. susan doing her best to calm AJ down.

max crashing at billy and heather's more often than not, not wanting to deal with the chaos at home. neil making snide comments about it, saying she should be helping her mother out and looking after her brother.

max throwing back in his face that maybe he should get off his fucking ass and help his wife out and look after his kid.

billy watching the fight break out and grabbing her before it escalates, dragging her into his car, making up some excuse about her crashing at his again tonight.

the four of them sitting down for dinner when AJ's almost 12 weeks old, him napping in his bassinet for once. susan managing to get two bites in before he wakes up, crying.

max offering to go get him but neil telling her AJ's fine. that he needs to learn how to self-soothe.

susan swallowing silently before quietly explaining that he's too young to self-soothe, that he needs to be checked on. pushing her dinner away and going to get him.

billy thinking about how he hasn't seen susan eat more than four bites of dinner before having to go deal with AJ since they came home from hospital.

pushing himself up and telling her to sit, that he'll go check on AJ while she eats

neil stopping him, telling him to sit. that susan's got it.

billy ignoring him, saying some shit about having had a late lunch anyway.

susan looking at him with so much fucking relief. collapsing back into her seat and finishing a still warm meal for once.

billy going out to check on AJ, craddling him in his arms the way susan's taught him, and AJ actually calming slightly.

max living at billy's and heather's basically full time, claiming she needs the peace and quiet to focus on her school work if she wants to get into college.

she has her couch, a spot at the table, and her own key.

it's basically home now.

susan covering for her whenever neil gets shitty about it, no matter how overwhelming it feels.

knows having a baby was a mistake, no matter how many times she tries to convince herself otherwise.

she's just glad max has somewhere to go. knows for as much as her and billy don't really get along, they usually can mostly agree on max.

billy offering, one day, when susan looks like she's at her limit, to watch AJ for an hour or two. give her a break.

neil dismissing him, saying susan's got it handled.

susan looking at billy like she's begging him to ignore his dad, just this once.

billy doubling down, saying he'll grab the stroller and take AJ down to the park for a while. get him out of the house. smirks and says chicks dig a guy with a baby.

max snorting. "what, you trying to pick up hot single mom's in your area? you gonna be the step dad, or the dad that stepped up?"

billy flipping her off, telling her to go fuck herself.

it becoming a thing��billy babysitting.

it starting with just some local park trips, some walks around the block. sometimes just hanging out with AJ in the living room while susan catches a 45 minute nap. then it grows to taking him for the day, bringing AJ to his and heather's apartment. AJ staying for dinner. buying baby supplies for their apartment. a high chair. a boomerang pillow for the couch. toys. diapers. a baby towel with a hood.

heather turning to him one night, AJ crawling over her lap while she finishes her homemade margarita. "when you asked me to move out with you, this isn't what i thought it'd be like."

billy feeling guilty, like he's fucking up her life, bringing down the vibe with a baby and a moody teenager.

heather rolling her eyes. "chill. max is badass. AJ's cute when he's sleeping. i'd take this over college any day."

susan and neil having a fight one night, billy and max watching on while AJ screams in susan's arms.

max taking him while billy starts cleaning up the kitchen.

neil storming off to their room while susan stands in the kitchen, crying.

it being awkward as fuck.

max looking at billy like fix it.

billy looking at her right back like what the fuck am i gonna do?

max shrugging but sticking out AJ who's propped on her hip a bit, like i've got the crying baby, so you deal with the crying adult.

billy glaring at her before turning to susan.

"are you, like, okay and shit?"

susan trying to pull herself together. crying harder.

"yeah, neil has that effect of people," billy says plainly, turning back to the dishes.

offering to take AJ for a little bit, and susan perking up, clearing her eyes. asking timidly if billy could take him for the night.

billy trying to get out of it, making every excuse he can think of. he doesn't have the space or the bottles or formula, doesn't know his night routine. can't take him for that long without her being there to swoop in if he loses it.

susan handwaving every single one. taking AJ from max's arms and taking him over to billy.

"i really can't," he says, voice resigned. knows it's already a lost battle.

"i trust you, billy. please."

billy running a hand down his face, sighing. "if i'm taking AJ for the night, i'm dragging max into this too."

susan agreeing. packing a baby bag and walking them all out. standing on the front porch and watching on as they pull away.

AJ staying at billy's overnight becoming a regular occurence after that, susan almost a shell of herself these days, and neil too in denial to admit his family's a broken mess.

AJ turning one. being cared for by billy more often than not, max too.

billy not even knowing how this became his life. he had plans. he was gonna go places. sure, college was never in the cards for him, but he was meant to go back to california. to go home.

but, he's still here.

hating himself for it.

months passing.

billy dropping max off at school one morning then heading to his dad's and susans, ready to drop AJ off after having him for two nights. eyeing neil's car in the driveway, finding susan's little town car nowhere in sight. pushing down the sinking feeling that starts to grow and grabbing AJ from the backseat, as well as the baby bag.

walking in and seeing neil sitting in his chair.

"why aren't you at work?"

neil not answering, taking a swig of his beer.

billy checking the time. 8:47am.

putting AJ down.

AJ crawling around, looking for his mom.

"where's susan?" billy tries, eyeing the rest of the house.

neil taking another drink.

"dad, where the hell's susan?" he tries again, leaning down to pick AJ up when he crawls back and sniffles, upset.

"gone," neil finally answers, staring at the blank tv. "she left."

"what the hell do you mean 'she left'?" billy asks lowly, bouncing AJ on his hip.

susan walking out, not being able to handle it anymore.

neil, a baby, a distant daughter, a mess of a step-son.

she can't. can't deal with the weight of it all.

billy losing his shit, telling neil to get her back. doesn't care how or why, just as long as it happens.

"fucking find her then, okay? i've got a job and a life, and i'm sure as hell not raising your fucking kid," he pushes out, feeling hot. can already feel the situation spiraling out of control and he's only been stuck in it for five minutes. "get your shit together and find susan, or figure out real quick what it takes to be a dad. your choice."

taking the day off work so neil can sober up and get himself together.

trying to figure out the max of it all. judging by the lack of teenage tantrum or phonecall, she probably doesn't even know her mom's bailed yet.

going to neil's first thing the next morning and asking if there's any word.

neil saying she took all her things and cleared out half their bank account, but there's no note, and the only family member he could get a hold of told him to stay out of their lives before hanging up.

"if you don't get susan back, then it's on you to tell max, 'cause i'm sure as fuck not telling her her mom split."

max reading the room as soon as she walks in that night, asking what happened.

"where's mom?"

neil trying to keep his shit together. doing a shit job of it.

billy taking over, remembering how badly his dad handled telling him his own mom had walked out all those years ago. figures max doesn't need to hear whatever pathetic excuses neil tries to bullshit.

max going silent. mad. blaming them both. searching her room that she barely sleeps in anymore for a note or a clue. anything her mom could've left her. finding nothing. yelling about it until she exhausts herself, then stomping off to billy's car and throwing herself in the front seat.

billy following shortly after, clicking AJ into his carseat in the back before driving them all back to his and heather's.

max refusing to speak to him the entire drive.

billy giving her space. half 'cause he thinks she needs it, half 'cause he has a million other things on his mind, mainly AJ, and he doesn't have the brain capacity to deal with her newfound abandonment issues.

going to his dad's the next morning with AJ to drop him off.

neil saying he can't look after him, he has work.

billy laughing. "tough. you had 48 hours to sort out childcare. figure it out."

walking out and closing the front door behind him. having a panic attack.

there is not a single world in which his dad should be looking after a baby by himself. he'll probably kill it. and now billy's just going to leave him alone with one? to prove a point?

forcing himself to walk away and go to work.

being unable to stop thinking about what could be going wrong.

caving on his lunch break and driving to neil's.

finding them both a mess, AJ red faced and screaming, completely out of sorts, and neil looking beside himself, so far out of his depth it's almost a joke.

grabbing AJ and calming him down with some formula and his favourite toy, then turning to his dad. telling him that they're going to take it a few hours at a time until everyone adjusts, for AJ's sake, but that he's going to have to step up and learn how to be a dad soon, 'cause he's not raising his brother.

it being a slow process and neil never becoming father of the year, but he finds a daycare and works out how to use formula.

billy still looks after AJ more often than not, but neil's no longer completely incapable.

max coming around slightly, still the same as always with AJ, and at least talking to billy. her barely acknowledging neil, though.

moving into billy's unofficially.

billy giving up and switching rooms with her, giving her his room 'cause he's up most nights with AJ anyway, and the lounge room's closer to the kitchen than the bedroom.

things slowly getting tenser as weeks pass, neil's mood building.

max in her last year of school, AJ just over a year old, and billy being pulled in what feels like a million different directions. trying to figure out his future.

neil constantly complaining about how much time he wastes looking after AJ. how he can't do anything without him screaming or crying or getting sooky or whiny.

billy ignoring it, telling himself as long as AJ has a roof over his head and is getting fed and clothed and cared for, then everything's fine. it's not like his dad's going to snap at a baby.

more weeks passing, neil losing his patience with AJ more and more.

billy watching on and feeling sick, but being so fucking stubborn. AJ's not his responsibility, neil can dad the fuck up and get over it. he's not cancelling his plans or moving his work shifts or asking max to babysit just so neil can watch the game in peace. fuck that.

leaving AJ with neil despite his uneasiness, telling himself that nothing bad's going to happen.

heading over to pick up AJ one afternoon and neil being in a foul mood.

walking in and the air being tense. making his way to the kitchen to find AJ in his high chair, neil trying to feed him.

AJ not having it and pushing the spoon away, crocodile tears running down his cheeks.

neil yelling at him to eat the damn food. that if he doesn't eat it, he won't get fed.

AJ crying harder.

billy stepping in, trying to make peace.

AJ seeing him and instantly reaching out for him, borderline inconsolable.

neil snapping, losing his temper and going on about how he's the dad, he's the one putting food on the table and a roof over his head, he's the one sacrificing his time to look after him, and yet all AJ wants is billy. grabbing the high chair by the sides and slamming it repeatedly before once last final push, then shoving it over harshly.

the highchair going over sideways, AJ in it but not strapped in properly.

the kitchen falling silent, AJ finally having stopped screaming, out cold, and billy staring at his dad in shock.

neil looking at him right back, like he doesn't even know what happened.

billy unfreezing, running to AJ to check on him.

rushing AJ to hospital, getting him checked out professionally.

minor bruising but no obvious damage. a hard knock to the head. the hospital wanting to keep him over night for observation. asking billy what happened.

billy stumbling. not knowing what to say.

if he tells the truth, then what the fuck's gonna happen?

are the authorities going to take neil away? take AJ away? will it even be enough for the authorities to step in? or will it just make everything more complicated.

thinks, if he lies though, what if it happens again? what if it's worse next time? what if he's not there to step in and get AJ out?

floundering. can't think under pressure.

"i don't–i don't know," he says, staring at the nurse helplessly. feels the weight of his entire fucking childhood on his shoulders.

authorities getting called because of the suspicious injuries, chief hopper coming to talk to him.

billy being unable to look him in the eye, doing his best to forget the last time chief hopper tried to talk to him; that time after max snuck out when she was grounded and got caught sneaking back in, earning herself an earful and a punishment, bruises noticeable enough for el and the chief to take interest.

"i can't do much if neither of you talk, kid," he'd said that time, max sitting stone faced beside him, pissed off at the how big of a deal everyone was making things out to be.

"i need you to talk, billy, for both of them," he says this time, AJ basically drowning in his hospital bed surrounded by machines and beeping and white blankets, max holding his hand from the seat beside him.

billy swallows roughly, wishing he could. can feel the words on the tip of his tongue, but he's spent nineteen years keeping his mouth shut, and he can't bring himself to break now.

he lets the silence hang for a few minutes longer before finally breathing out. "i don't know."

ignores the chief as he lets out a sigh. walks away instead, pulling up a seat next to max instead, them both watching AJ's chest rise and fall.

does his best to match his breath, and pretends to not notice the chief walking out of the room.

AJ getting released from hospital the next morning, neil showing up to sign him out.

billy taking AJ and buckling him into his car before turning to his dad, having come to a decision during the night.

he might not be brave enough to slay their monsters, but he can hide from them. make sure their monsters never touch or hurt or see them ever again.

it feels like the cowards way out, but he's already accepted that about himself. that he's a fucking pussy, and pathetic, and so so scared of things that no one else in the world seems to bat an eye at.

"AJ and max stay with me," he starts, voice stronger than he feels.

max stands beside him and looks at neil like she could kill him, and billy's so fucking grateful she hasn't bailed yet.

"you don't talk to them, you don't go near them, you don't get to fucking see them. just keep paying the daycare fee's and send me some cash for groceries, and that's it. you're done."

neil swallowing. not saying a word.

"you stay out of our lives and we'll stay out of yours. just pay the fucking bills. i'll take care of everything else."

neil remaining silent. not fighting him.

billy tapping max on the arm as he turns, them both getting into the car. driving away.

shit getting hectic. billy feeling in over his head. max breaking her silence on the situation two days later.

"teenage fatherhood was a wild choice," she comments, feeding AJ on her lap.

billy stopping mid-wash at the sink, dropping the plastic kids cup back into the water.

"yeah, well," he picks the cup back up, washing it more forcefully this time. "what else did you want me to do?"

max staying, saying she's taking a gap year before college, knowing full well there's no money to send her there. her picking up a part time job at the local chinese takeaway shop, and bringing home free leftovers after every shift.

it being rough, with plenty of fuck up's happening along the way. some nights he lies awake and thinks about all the what if's.

what if susan never left? what if she gave AJ up for adoption? what if she got the fucking abortion he begged her to get? what if he talked to chief hopper? what if he packed them all up and moved them back to california? what if he's fucking up all their lives more than neil and susan ever could?

thinks, this isn't what he wanted. he never asked for this.

he's drowning in bills, he's fucking up heather's college years, he doesn't know what the fuck's going on with max. doesn't know what's causing the rash covering AJ's back and why he cries so much, why he can never sleep through the night.

feels like he's got no control over anything in his life anymore.

has a breakdown by the time AJ's eighteen months old, almost twenty years old himself. pulls himself together enough to realise he can either get over himself and accept the direction his life's taken and work with what he's got, or continue feeling sorry for himself and how everything always seems to go wrong, no matter how hard he tries, and be stuck in his own personal pity party for the rest of time.

becoming friends with karen wheeler and sue sinclair, asking for help and advice with AJ.

them telling him that maybe he should get him checked out, get professional medical attention. test, don't guess. them saying toddlers are usually a bit better about sleeping by now, and that the rash that won't go away is worrying.

billy admitting he's too anxious to take him for a check up, for custody reasons. neil might be out of the picture and susan may have bailed, but he still doesn't have any legal rights over AJ.

AJ getting worse, and billy finally fucking caving.

rocking up on neil's doorstep with some papers, telling him to sign.

neil dragging his feet, even though he hasn't seen his kids in months.

billy refusing to leave without the papers signed.

neil signing them, but not without a fight.

wiping away the blood dripping from his nose as his pen glides over the dotted line, billy shaking his hand out then stretching out his neck, it feeling bruised after his dad's roughing up.

finally getting some sort of partial custody.

taking AJ to the doctors. finding out he's got allergies and food intolerances a mile long and is just generally a sensitive kid, inside and out.

spending the next few months sorting that out, AJ finally starting to sleep better, his mood improving. the rash starting to clear. starting to feel like things might actually be okay.

AJ turning two, growing into a completely different kid. happy and easy going and full of energy, talking up a storm.

max officially done with school, getting a second part time job at the mall with el. billy working hours at the local mechanic, trying to keep up with everything.

finding their new normal.

the years passing. max moving to california with el, the boys having left for college years ago. heather moving out, deciding to go get a degree. billy finding a smaller apartment for him and AJ but staying in hawkins, 'cause thats all he can afford.

being twenty three, AJ in preschool. settled into their life, starting to see a blurry future.

finally having saved up some money and deciding–fuck it. planning a move back to california, timing it so that they'll be there in time for AJ to start kindergarten.

packing slowly, getting all their shit together, finding a place twenty minutes away from max.

susan walking back into their lives two weeks before the big move.

her saying she's ready to be a mom now. that she's sorry for all the hurt and pain she might've caused, but she's better now. she's got herself sorted. she's ready.

billy staring at her in shock, hand clutching the front door handle still. "are you fucking serious?"

susan staring at him, not saying a word but not leaving.

"you seriously think it's that simple? that you just walk back in and i hand him over? that everything's fine?"

susan hesitating, but pushing her way inside the house. putting her bag down. "i'll never be able to thank you enough for everything you've done, billy, but i've got it from here. you can go back to your life now."

billy telling her to get the hell out of his house.

susan refusing to leave.

shit escalating, AJ crying when susan tries to pull him behind her.

the chief getting called.

shit being rough for a few days, but once the paperwork comes back and its discovered only neil signed the papers to give billy custody, not susan, the law rules in her favour.

billy trying to fight it, but it feeling like every person he talks to tells him to think about it—to really think about it. that going through with fighting susan for custody when she's AJ's actual mother, and seems to have got herself together, could do more harm than good.

a laywer asking him if he's really ready to be a full time guardian for the next fourteen years. asking if he's ready to put AJ through school, raise him to teenagehood, and everything in between and after.

if he's ready to put his life on hold until he's in his thirties, at the earliest.

billy hesitating. he thought he was ready 'cause there was never any other option, but now susan's back and everyone's telling him to step away, then maybe he should.

thinks, maybe the bad feeling that sits permanently in the pit of his stomach is just a part of him. maybe the way his chest seizes and squeezes–the way it feels like he's choking–whenever something to do with the parental figures in his life happens, is just something that he'll never grow out of.

maybe, he needs to learn how to let go, and trust that susan is better.

thinks, AJ got lucky, and his mom may have left, but she also came back, unlike his own.

maybe, he's just got massive fucking trust and abandonment issues.

having AJ one last night, AJ crying the whole time, asking why he has to go. why can't they stay together. why can't they move to california anymore and go to the beach. why can't he learn how to surf.

why does billy have to break his promise.

billy feeling like utter shit. can't handle AJ crying that well, especially since it's his fault. telling AJ it's for the best. that it's better to have a mom with her shit together than a brother who's just scraping by. that it might suck for a while, but it'll be so much better soon. just wait.

dropping AJ off at susan's the next morning, fucking sick to his stomach. comforts himself with the fact he'll at least get to see AJ again, he just won't have to be his legal guardian anymore. he'll be responsibilty free.

giving susan the rundown on everything. AJ's routine, his allergies, his favourite show, songs he loves, his favourite shirt, all his quirks.

susan nodding and agreeing, looking slightly overwhelmed but doing her best.

it coming time to say goodbye. AJ crying, billy trying not to.

AJ making him promise to come back tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that.

billy promising.

susan walking billy out, telling AJ to stay inside where it's warm. standing on the front porch with billy, and billy turning to her. checking, then checking again, that she's got this. telling her he's happy to take AJ for a few more nights while they both get to know each other again, if that's easier.

susan shaking her head. saying thank you again.

billy turning to leave.

susan waiting til he's down the front steps before speaking up again.

"i think it's best if we go no contact for a little bit," she breaks, face timid but voice strong. "just until he adjusts, and starts seeing me as his mom again."

"what the hell do you mean 'no contact'?" billy grits out as he turns on his foot, doing his best to keep the volume down. "i just fucking promised him–"

"i know–i know, billy," she tries, wringing her hands tight, "but it's already confusing enough for him. it's just for a little while until he adjusts–"

"he's only confused 'cause you fucking split–"

"you need to leave, billy, "she cuts him off. "i'll contact you when we're ready to see you again."

billy leaving that night, spiraling. going around in circles on whether to fight her–fight for AJ, or listen. has a million different voices in his head saying a million different things.

feels like his fucking mom whenever he thinks about walking away without a fight, but doesn't know how to stay when susan won't have him, and when the nagging voices in his head tell him he'll just fuck AJ up more by staying and fighting and causing a custody war, instead of just leaving peacefully.

walking away.

tells himself AJ's got his mom back, and susan'll give him everything that he couldn't. that a kid needs their parents–their mother–and not just some fuck up older brother who struggles to make ends meet.

fucking hating himself for it, but the more days that pass where he doesn't see AJ, the more he convinces himself it was the right choice.

moving back to california.

susan trying.

doing her best to settle back into town, but knows every single person in hawkins is judging her, everyone knowing exactly what she did all those years ago–abandoning her kids and leaving them for her step-son to raise. can feel the judgement almost drowning her every time she steps foot outside the house.

AJ adjusting, but it's not smooth and it's not quick.

he's miserable about it, stuck in a situation that he's too young to get out of but old enough to know is wrong. cries himself to sleep most nights and begs susan to ask billy to come pick him up, or even for max to come get him.

susan telling him that they're busy now, that they've moved too far away, but that she's his mom, and they're a team, and she can help him and do things with him. that billy and max have their own lives to live now, but that means her and him can finally spend time together again.

AJ torn between being mad; thinking billy broke all his promises and left without even saying goodbye, telling himself he never wants to see him again; and being so fucking heartbroken and sad, wishing on every single star that billy or max would come back, even just once, so they could be a happy family again.

weeks passing, them finding a routine. susan trying to stick with it, putting the effort it. learning all of AJ's favourite meals, figuring out what he can and can't eat, which brands of laundry detergent he can wear and what brands she can actually afford. learn his favourite bedtimes stories, and figure out what makes him laugh.

it being hard. AJ not giving her much.

telling herself to get over it. that she's the one who left, causing the rift between them in the first place, so that means it's up to her to patch it up.

every day feeling harder and harder.

susan reaching out to max now that she's got AJ back and he's settled a bit, not asking after his older siblings every day.

max actually answering, only to ask to speak with AJ, then hanging up on her once she and AJ finish talking. barely acknowledging her.

susan trying to take it in her stride. knows for as much as she's messed up with AJ, what she did to max is always going to feel heavier. bigger. knows there's a chance max might never forgive her.

billy losing himself in the party and music scene in californa. getting a shitty part time job and joining a shitty band. drinking himself into oblivion, experimenting with harder drugs. barely sober.

his first year back in california being rough.

AJ turning six, and susan struggling. finding motherhood fucking hard to do alone.

it costs so much, and AJ's so emotional, constantly on a hair trigger about everything, and it's exhausting, trying to keep up with everything without a single break or helping hand.

she tries, though. she checks all his food labels and buys the products labelled for sensitive skin. she listens to him when he's upset and crying, and does her best to make him feel better. she tries to help him make friends at school, inviting everyone in the class to his birthday party and giving out party bags to each kid, even when AJ spends most of the party playing by himself in his room, all the other kids running around having fun together elsewhere.

suddenly, it's too much.

knows she's about to make a mistake–that it's wrong, but can't bring herself to stop.

finds her way back to cherry lane, AJ's hand grasped tight within her own, a packed bag for both of them by their sides.

neil opening the door and welcoming them home.

max and AJ talking on the phone twice a week, minimum. her telling AJ that billy misses him and asks about him, that he would be there if he could. checking in with him and asking if he's okay, making sure he knows he can come to her for anything.

AJ wanting to ask her for help, bursting into tears the first few times they talk on the phone, but susan told him he's not allowed to tell max where they live now, told him he's not allowed to mention neil at all, so, he keeps it quiet, and hopes that max just comes back and rescues him anyway.

max giving billy 'AJ updates' after every phone call, even when he tells her to stop. that he doesn't want to hear it.

telling him that AJ sounds miserable. billy bitching back, the fuck do you want me to do about it.

"you know, the only thing you did that was stupider than taking AJ in, was giving him up."

billy hanging up on her, then not picking up for at least a month.

AJ going from a happy kid, back when billy looked after him, to an anxious mess, trying to live with susan, to scared, now that he lives with neil.

doesn't remember neil exactly, but knows he's a bad person. can remember billy and max saying bad things about him, and knows there was a reason they didn't see him before.

neil getting comfortable, having susan come crawling back to him and having a son again, even if AJ is soft.

instantly falling back into how it used to be, now that he has a wife to do all the house work and a son to toughen up. thinks, if he squints and ignores the red hair, it's almost like he's raising billy again.

tells himself he's not gonna fuck it up this time. that this time, he'll get it right. that he'll make something good, something worth being proud of, out of AJ yet.

starts by telling susan to stop catering to all his allergy bullshit. that the kid can eat the same food as the rest of them, or he can starve. a little rash won't kill him, and everybody gets stomach pain. it's apart of life. puts a stop to buying him sensitive skin products as well, and tells him he's old enough to sleep with the lights off. that there's no more bedtime stories. no more getting tucked in. no more sitting out of sports. that it's time for him to grow up and toughen up. that he's turning seven soon, so it's time to act like it.

AJ getting quieter as the days pass, and before susan knows it, he barely speaks. responds to neil when neil demands it, and talks enough to answer questions when directly asked, but he doesn't cry anymore, doesn't ask to go to california, or to call billy. doesn't even beg for a bedtime story anymore. the only time susan hears him talk is when he's on the phone to max, and even then, he just sounds depressed.

thinks, not for the first time, that maybe this was a mistake.

watches the way AJ looks at neil, like he's waiting for his own father to attack him, and wonders, if she called billy, would he come back.

billy letting his life fall to peices.

max giving him an intervention by year two in california, telling him to get his shit together and sober up. that just 'cause he doesn't have responsibilities anymore, doesn't mean he can throw his life away. to sort himself out.

it being a slow process, but eventually finding his feet and pulling himself together.

trying to get sober and give up alcohol, but falling off the wagon too many times. spiralling into self-blame and self-hatred.

getting back on his feet after every stumble and telling himself he's quitting for real this time, only to give in again a few weeks later.

after a few more months of that, trying a different tactic. instead of giving up cold turkey, giving himself five tokens a year to use. five free passes a year to drink. finding that easier to stick to and keep himself accountable with.

turning twenty seven and feeling like he's got his life back on track.

max officially becoming a professional tattoo artist. re-connecting with lucas after they went their separate ways after graduation.

heather moving in with billy again, calling him up after dropping out of her third college course attempt. billy telling her his spare room is always free for her.

things looking up.

neil trying to get AJ to join a sports team, and AJ actually fighting back. saying he doesn't want to. that he hates sports. them both digging their heels in, refusing to budge.

susan closing her eyes when neil starts using physical force, trying to get him to cave. to give in.

swallowing her pride and finally dialling the number she's got saved in her phone under a bullshit name, knowing what she has to do, if she ever wants her kids to be happy.

telling herself that just a visit could help fix things. that maybe if they just see each other, become apart of each others lives again, then maybe things will be better.

billy answering the phone and hearing susans voice. freezing.

getting pissed.

every time he feels like he's got his life back on track, it feels like it goes spiralling.

not being able to say no, though, when susan asks to meet up, 'cause he fucking misses that kid.

deciding to meet on neutral ground, him not wanting susan in his life any more than necessary, and susan just doing her best to keep things amicable.

her travelling to california, telling neil she's taking AJ to meet her sister, AJ's aunt. telling AJ the same thing, deciding it might be a nice surprise.

can still hear him continuously talking about everything billy promised him all those years ago.

meeting up with billy and max at a small cafe, AJ running straight up to billy the second he catches sight of him, having never forgot about him. only letting go of billy for a few minutes to cling to max just as tight before attaching himself to billy's side.

susan slowing walking over, watching them reunite.

them all sitting down, it being awkward as fuck.

billy having a lot of feelings about susan, and all of them being negative. trying to be civil though, for AJ's sake. max barely on speaking terms with her herself.

billy, max, and AJ being their own little team, like they always have been.

susan watching on, realising no matter how hard she tries, she'll never be a part of that. can't figure out if she regrets bringing AJ out here or not.

her ordering for AJ, trying to ignore the fact that her kids would be fine without her in their lives.

billy raising an eyebrow at her. "did he grow out of his allergies?"

susan not looking at him, instead running a hand over AJ's hair.

"they were never that severe anyway," she murmurs quietly, AJ twisting away from her touch.

billy catching sight of a rash peaking out of AJ's shirt.

"are you fucking kidding me?"

dragging susan off to the side, pissed.

susan trying to dismiss him, saying something about how some kids are just picky eaters. you can't just give in every time they say they don't like something.

billy being speechless for a minute, before his anger takes over. "i took him to the motherfucking doctor. they gave him scratch tests. took his fucking blood. he was miserable for weeks. months. but he got better, because i fucking listened."

susan not looking at him, repeating the words neil's said to her so often now. "it's barely a rash. he's fine. let's just sit down for a nice lunch."

lunch ending, AJ begging to go with billy and max, and susan dragging him back to her car, him completely miserable, staring back at his older siblings with tears running down his face the entire time.

billy and max ranting the whole drive back to max's, them both pissed beyond belief.

billy bringing out one of tokens to use and max opening up her liquor cabinet.

getting shitfaced.

susan and AJ being in town for a few days, and max being stuck being the one making the plans 'casue billy refuses to talk to susan.

billy finally getting to show AJ the ocean. max taking him on a tour of her favourite places growing up. trying to teach him how to skate. AJ being terrified. billy having to hold his hands while max shows him the movements. AJ having absolutely no coordination or balance or center of gravity whatsoever.

day three, more of the same, going back to the beach, then letting AJ scooter down the beach walk.

susan standing back and watching, that neverending feeling of overwhelmingness hitting her. she's always been in over her head, jumping from relationship to relationship. having a child to try fix things, only for things to get worse. always chosing the cowards way out when things get too much.

realises, like a slap to the face, she's gonna choose the cowards way out again.

the last day of being there, going to see billy's band do a gig. heading backstage, max meeting her at the back enterence. AJ looking around in awe. clinging to billy the second he sees him.

fading into the background, letting them be the people they've always been without her there.

walking away.

billy not realising susan's not there anymore until later, after he's off stage and both him and max can't find her. thinking maybe she just went back to her hotel.

him and max catching an uber there with AJ.

asking the front desk for her room number, but them saying there's no susan currently staying there. that the last susan they had checked out three hours ago.

it hitting max first, then billy.

susan fucking walked again.

AJ looking up at them, asking them what's wrong.

billy taking him home.

papers getting mailed to him weeks later, dotted lines all signed, full custody to him.

him signing every page.

feeling like he's finally got control of his life again.

AJ crying one night, saying sorry that he's bad. that he doesn't want any more people to go. asking billy if he's gonna leave again.

"kid, no matter how many times things fall to shit, you're always gonna be stuck with me. i'm not going fuckin' anywhere."

#okay i have like 20k of this properly written from like 2022 of like. the first half of this #but. But. then the idea of susan coming BACK and taking aj BACK and billy giving him UP hit me recently and i was like. bro i need it #ofcourse i still want billy to be the one to end up w custody sooooo like.#if the end seems rushed or overly specific it's cos that's new #it's fresh it's recent. the rest of it's been kicking around in my head for literal years. but susan coming back??? god the drama #anyway why don't these american teenagers go to college? becos i'm above that #why would billy take in a baby that's not his responsibility?? cos i want him to #is susan a bad mother??? well she's not a five star mother. but i think she does try. she just.......... falls short a lot #inspirations taken from:#my nephew whos a ranga and sometimes i'm like. hmm AJ #myself and my mother/siblings/neices who all have allergies and heavy food restrictions etc and r sick of rashes and just existing sometime #coworker who does the token system for drinking alcohol. she always saves a token for the work xmas party though and does killer kareoke #and just the general fact that i want to see billy with a kid #and the idea of billy and max basically just. taking control and coming together to look after this kid?????#does this kid grow up with perfect manners and model behaviour??? no. but u know what. he grows up with a lot of love #even if their first word is 'fuck'#also the idea of both billy and and max being like. badass rough Fuck With Me kinda people that ppl are slightly intimadated by #and then there's AJ who's like. scared to walk down steps until he's at least four. and even then he needs to hold someones hand.#and billy and max are like. so he's probably never gonna skateboard or surf or play contact sports.thats fine. we can raise a cautious nerd #m #nqff

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sunsetsandsunshine · 11 months ago

Note

Hey!! For your next fic could you do Leo and Mikey angst

It came be 2012, MM or rise

~ 𝚈𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 ~

💙🐢🧡 𝙵𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢: @tmntalways 💙🐢🧡

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙷𝚒, 𝚃𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚕𝚎𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍!!! 𝙸 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚋𝚛𝚘 ☹️💔…𝙸 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚊𝚍 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚗 𝚃𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚛 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 💖💕💘💞🩷!!! 𝙰𝚕𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑, 𝙸 𝚍𝚘 𝚊𝚍𝚖𝚒𝚝 𝙸’𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 😅👍🏾! 𝙸 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚌𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛’𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚍— 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝’𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 🫠…˚*• ̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*＊·̩̩̥͙

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙷𝚞𝚛𝚝/𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚝

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜: 𝟹,𝟸𝟾𝟾

𝙻𝚎𝚎: 𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚢 🐢🧡

𝙻𝚎𝚛: 𝙻𝚎𝚘 🐢💙

𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚢’𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐…𝚞𝚗𝚏𝚘𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍…𝚞𝚗𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍, 𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎…𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊 𝚠𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚎 𝚋𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚑 𝚘𝚏 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 '𝚞𝚗'. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕? 𝙷𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜𝚗’𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚐𝚘 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚢…

𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚜: @shut-up-jo @someone1348 @saturnzskyzz

@savemeafruitjuice @rice-cake-teen10 @mistyandsnow

@skyloladoodles @itzsana-kiddingmenow @titters-and-tingles

(𝙰/𝙽: 𝚂𝚠𝚒𝚖𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚊 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝…𝚋𝚞𝚝 *𝙰𝙷𝙴𝙼* 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢: 𝙳𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚐𝚞𝚢! 𝚃*𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚔/𝙽𝚂𝙵𝚆 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚜 𝙳𝙽𝙸!!!)

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚂𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚍𝚎𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜, 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏-𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐. 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝙿𝙻𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚔!!!

𝚁𝙴𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁: 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝙰𝙳𝙷𝙳 𝚊𝚗𝚍/𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌!!! 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚒𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢 ☺️💞💗💓💕

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚍 🕺🏾✨💞🎶˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

Mikey couldn’t do anything right now. Like…anything.

Well…perhaps he was being a bit too dramatic. He was breathing. And he was fidgeting with his squishy cube. So saying he wasn’t doing 'anything' wasn’t entirely true.

Right now he just…couldn’t do anything…productive.

For example, the box turtle tried making his favorite dishes and deserts! But that endeavor just ended up being a huge mess in the kitchen…and leaving the youngest turtle with a bunch of unappetizing food.

Which he fed all to Raph by the way.

Some would call that choice of action cruel but Mikey would just call it 'using his resources'.

Besides, it’s not like the eldest minded at all. He said, and I quote: 'It has a nice…crunchy feeling to it. Did you put some of Don’s inventions in this?'

Which honestly got a couple of chuckles out of the smallest turtle teen of the bunch.

Then, Mikey tried skateboarding! But for once in all his 14 years of living…it was just utterly boring.

And after all of that nonsense, Mikey then finally tried reading a comic…but he was too unfocused to even get to the second page…

But what was really new? Mikey could never focus on jackshit even if said jackshit hit him right in the shell.

His brothers and sister would always have to remind him to stay focused or 'not do this' or 'not do that'.

For example, a couple days ago Donnie had to kindly remind the box turtle (well…as kindly as Donnie could be anyway…) to brush his teeth.

To. Brush. His. Fucking. Teeth.

And honestly? Having to be reminded to do that was really embarrassing. And the orange banded teen knew his brother didn’t mean to humiliate him internally…but…yeah.

And it’s not like the softshell was wrong either! The youngest turtle just couldn’t freaking accept that he himself couldn’t do such a simple task in the morning.

But literally every task he completely fails to do is just utterly simple ones!

Like cleaning his room or not forgetting things or even keeping track of time!

…And the sad part about all of it was Mikey just honestly could not understand how his family haven’t gotten sick of his annoying tendencies…

And let’s be for real here…that was basically all of his tendencies.

The box turtle groaned loudly in his room, slamming his whole body on his bed as he screamed into his pillow.

There had to be something he could do instead of just wallowing in his own self pity…

And one of those options could not consist of bothering his family with his random bad mood. They had to put up with him 24/7…the least he could do was give them some space.

The youngest then glanced at his drawing notebook hopefully…

…One little sketch of something random wouldn’t hurt, right?

The amber eyed teen reached for his notebook, grabbing a pen from his drawer as he started to sketch his desk because why the absolute fuck not? Based on the objects he’s drawn in the past…sketching a simple desk should and will be easy, right? Right.

That was until the orange banded teen’s pencil tip broke. But it was fine! He could just re-sharpen it, right? Right.

That was until the youngest realized he had absolutely no clue where his sharpener was due to the fact his room looked like a pig stie. And there was no way he was looking for it in…that whole situation.

…The situation he created in the first place.

Michelangelo layed on his bed with his face staring at the ceiling in frustration, he ran his fingernails along his arms, not making really deep cuts with them but going deep enough for it to hurt a bit.

Like a reasonable turtle would, Mikey should probably get one of his stress toys…or better yet, another pencil!

But let’s be for real here…he’d most likely find a way to fuck that up too.

Suddenly, there was a small, quiet knock on Mikey’s door but…in all honesty? He just wanted to crawl into his shell and sob for the next hour and a half. Letting out a niiiiice and quick 'come in' would take way too much energy.

The box turtle let out a soft grunt, letting whoever was on the other side know it was a-okay to come in.

Abruptly, Leo peeked in the room, a wide smile plastered on his face as he closed the door, “Damn, Mikester…it looks like every single natural disaster went through your room…”

“I’m cleaning it.” The youngest grumbled to his brother.

“Really? You sure about that, little bro? Because if my memory serves me correct (which it in-fact does), you said that last week. And the week before that…and the week before—“

“I SAID I’M FUCKING CLEANING IT!!!” The orange banded turtle snapped, sitting up on the bed to glare at his immediate older brother before slowly realizing what he just did.

The youngest’s heart dropped as he looked away from his brother. The orange banded mutant’s eyed widened as silent and small tears ran down his face. He covered his mouth as his other hand turned to a fist, his nails unforgivingly digging into his palm.

“I-I’m sorry…I’m s-sorry…I-I’m so s-sorry…!” He started, rocking himself back and forth before stopping as he was met with a warm embrace. Leonardo hugged him gently but firmly, rubbing the other’s shell in a comforting hold. “Woah woah…! Bud, you have nothing to apologize for…” The slightly older teen said as he rested his chin on the top of his baby brother’s head.

“L-Like h-hell I don’t. I-I just screamed a-at y-you for no reason…” Michelangelo wobbly said. “You were just trying to lighten the mood but I just had to make everything harder like I-I always do…!”

“Mikey—”

“I-I always do this. I-I’m so f-fucking s-sorry Leo…”

“Mikester…I-I appreciate the apology but it seriously isn’t necessary—”

“You’re probably so sick of me and so angry at me. I-I’m sorry I just—”

“Mikey!” Leo gently yelled to get the other’s attention, squeezing the smaller turtle’s hands as he stared straight at him with pleading eyes. “Do I look mad?”

“…N-No.”

“Do I sound mad?”

“…No.”

The second youngest sadly smiled, “So what are you apologizing for, hm?”

“…I-I…dunno…I-I just…I just felt I needed to apologize…” The box turtle mumbled as he looked at his hands. The blue banded turtle sighed, slowly getting out of the hug so him and his little brother faced each other. The slider rubbed the other turtle’s palm with his thumb comfortingly, “…Do you wanna talk about it, baby bro?”

The leader in blue was just met with silence…which he could honestly work with.

“Angelo…you know you can tell me…anything, right? Like…anything. Although, it doesn’t have to be me you talk to about it. It could be Raph or Don or April or even Dad or Draxum! I just…don’t want you sitting here and bottling up the way you feel…”

Silence. Leo continued.

“You’re always there when we need you, Angel. Whether it’s to vent or to just ramble about shit, you’re just…always there. We don’t tell you this enough but we appreciate you always being someone we can lean on…”

Silence. Leo continued.

“But…you do know you can lean on us too, right? Comfort goes both ways and I can see you’re hurting, buddy. So please…if you need to talk to me…I’m right here.”

Mikey sniffled, squeezing Leo’s hand, “I-I d-dunno. Today is just…weird. This whole week has just been…weird.” Leo nodded, giving his brother his full undivided attention, “How so?”

“I just…haven’t been able to do anything…” The smaller teen admitted.

“What do you mean?” The taller teen inquired.

“I haven’t been able to do…anything. Like, I can’t draw, cook or even skateboard! Me!!! Not being able to skateboard— isn’t that crazy?!” The amber eyed turtle laughed bitterly.

“And it’s not like I can’t do it. I’m perfectly freaking capable of doing it in the right amount of time I want but my brain just. won’t. let. me!”

“I keep procrastinating and not doing the stuff I want to do and I have no idea why! I’m tired of just putting things off and being this way! I want to do things without having to ask you guys for help or to remind me or to relate it with a hyperfixation that I have!” Mikey hiccuped, a new wave of tears rolling down his face as his hands shook.

The amber eyed teen sniffled, refusing to look at his immediate older brother at all right now because…holy shit he just overshared a whole lot…

Like…a whoooooooooole freaking lot.

“…That sounds like you.” Leonardo shrugged.

In a state of just shock and confusion, the box turtle pulled his hands away from his brother, looking up at him as lime green eyes met amber ones. “I…what…?” Michelangelo murmured.

“I said that sounds like you.” Leo said again casually as Mikey glared at him, “Yeah. I heard what you said but that isn’t helpful.”

“I’m just being honest with you, Mikester.” Leo said, “Just…let me explain, okay?”

“…You have five minutes before I kick you out of my room.”

“Deal.” The lime green eyed mutant commented, “You can’t draw, cook or skateboard right now. You’re procrastinating and not doing the stuff you want to do in the time you planned…is that correct?”

Michelangelo sent deathly daggers to his brother— which the other wasn’t phased by at all. This time was probably the best time to crawl in his own shell and just sob his eyes out because what kind of dumbass question was his dumbass brother asking him?!

“…Yes.” The orange banded teen mumbled.

“And…why are those bad things?”

“WHY?!” The box turtle huffed out a laugh of annoyance, “Pfft— you’re asking me why. Maybe it’s because it’s annoying?! Maybe because it’s frustrating to deal with and I don’t want to burden you guys with my problems?! Maybe because I don’t want to fucking feel or be this way?!” The youngest shouted, breathing heavily as he finished his rant.

The box turtle looked away again, silently cursing at himself for getting annoyed so easily. “Mikey.” Leo started again, “Your being too hard on yourself, okay? No one is expecting you to be at your 100% all the time.”

“What you just described to me; you being able to not focus or you getting bored easily or procrastinating with stuff is…literally you. You’re just being you.” The slider explained as he held his baby brother’s hand in his. “And I get it. It’s hard to deal with it sometimes and it’s going to be hella frustrating. Like…super borderline frustrating. But you can’t shun them away and just…try to ignore them, bubs…”

“Let’s take moi for example. I’m impulsive, I talk loud and lose things daily. Those three things don’t make up my whole personality but it would be super weird and off-putting if I just…didn’t do or have those three things, right?”

The youngest giggled wetly, “Yeah…it would. A-And by the way, I’m still waiting for you to find that glittery pen kit I gave you…”

Leonardo groaned loudly and dramatically, causing the other teen to giggle louder, “I’m looking for it, okay?! It’s in my room…somewhere.” The taller mutant mused, “But anyways…back to you. You procrastinate, you relate things to your hyperfixations and you can’t do some of your favorite tasks from time to time…those are some traits that make up you, is it not?”

Mikey sniffled, rolling his eyes playfully due to the fact he knew damn well where this was going, “Yeah…”

Leo smiled softly, seeing his younger brother was starting to get his point, “I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, okay? I know sometimes it’s hard to deal with the things you described but you have us for that.” He said as his smile turned to a grin.

“You can come to me— to us— anytime. We love you for who you are…your flaws and all and we just…I-I need you to know that we love you so so much—!” The slider was cut off by a sudden abrupt embrace from the box turtle. The orange banded teen sobbed into the other’s shoulder, clutching the taller turtle like a lifeline.

“T-Thank you…” The box turtle wobbly said through tears.

“Of course, Angel.” Leo said as he hugged his baby brother back, “I love you.” He said as he kissed the other teen on the head.

“I-I l-love you too…”

“Tell your thoughts to shut up.” Leo said as he lightly poked Mikey in the forehead numerous times. The two were sitting on the box turtle’s bed just simply…relaxing and enjoying each other’s company. Michelangelo was sitting in between his older brother’s legs as he had his shell to his brother’s plastron.

Leonardo hugged his brother protectively, resting his chin on the top of the box turtle’s head. “What do you mean?” The youngest giggled out. “I can hear your thoughts, man. You’re not bothering me or disturbing me in any way, shape or form, alright…?”

The amber eyed turtle nodded, squeezing Leo’s hand, “Y-Yeah…I know...”

“I’m choosing to be here because I love you. I don’t feel obligated to be here, okay? You’re not annoying and you, neither your problems are a burden…okay?” The slider said reassuringly, “It’s okay to ask us for help…and we don’t mind reminding you to do things…okay?”

“You’ve said ‘okay’ like, fifty times…”

“Mikey.”

“Mhm…yeah yeah…I gotcha…”

The elder looked at his brother skeptically, resting his chin on his little brother’s shoulder so they made solid eye contact, “I want you to say it.”

“…Say what exactly?”

“I want you to say that you are an amazing person and you don’t need to change a single thing about yourself.”

“You are an amazing person and you don’t need to change a single thing about yourself.” Michelangelo grinned smugly. Leonardo glared at the youngest’s interpretation to his statement, “Mikey, you know exactly what I meant.”

“I said what you wanted me to say…so…” The amber eyed teen trailed off.

“Michelangelo.” The slider said in a warning tone as he poked the other’s side. The box turtle squeaked at the unexpected touch, trying to stop his immediate older brother from doing it again but his brother had a strong but gentle grip on him…

Then the smallest turtle came to recognition that he was stuck in a potential tickle hug with no way out…

…How wonderful.

“L-Leeheeo…doohoo nahat.” The orange banded mutant warned through his giggles, said warning not seeming too threatening due to the fact he was already laughing up a storm. The leader in blue raised a brow, poking the other’s side repeatedly, “I just want you to repeat what I said…in the first person.” The taller teen specified.

The smaller turtle squirmed in the hug, small frantic giggles pouring out of his mouth. This…really wasn’t how he was expecting his day to go. Just about an hour ago, he was wallowing in sadness about the stuff he hated about himself, to talking about it with his brother, to now getting tickled by his brother.

…So could he really complain about how things turned out?

…Yes. Yes, he absolutely could.

“Leeheeon! Plehease dohon’t!” The youngest squealed as one of his brother’s hands hovered over his stomach. Mikey held onto the other’s wrists, trying to stop his elder brother from tickling him but his small attempts ending up to be all for nothing as Leo effortlessly tickled his stomach with one hand.

“LEEHEEHAHAHA!!” Michelangelo laughed wholeheartedly, swatting at his brother’s arms. The lime green eyed turtle cooed at the gesture, now using both of his hands to attack the youngest’s plastron, “D'aww…look at you giggling your head off~! You’re my adorable little bundle of amazingness, aren’t you~?”

The smaller teen shook his head, a faint blush appearing on his face, “STAHA— squeal N-NAHAHA!”

“What~? What was that?” The blue banded mutant asked as he kneaded the box turtle’s hips. “GYAHAH— squeal SHIHIHIT! COHOME OHAHAN!!!” The amber eyed turtle cried frantically as he kicked his legs on the mattress slightly.

The youngest squealed with laughter, curling in on himself as he slumped in his big brother’s hold. Leonardo just sighed fondly at the action, wrapping the other in another hug as he raspberried his neck. “LEEHEEHEE!! PLAHAH— squeak NAHAHAT THEHERE squeak PLEHEASE PLEHEASE— squeak!!!”

“Not there~?” The elder lightly mocked, “What about…here~?” He mused as he used his hands to scribble all over the younger turtle’s ribs. Mikey cackled, shaking his head to try and at least subside the tickly feelings.

“NAHAHA— squeal AHAHAHA!! NAHAHAT THEHEHERE EHE— squeal EHEHEITHER!!! LEEHEEO!!” The orange banded turtle squeaked as Leo stopped for a second, “I’ve tried sooooo many spots, buddy! How many times are you gonna say not there, hm?”

Mikey genuinely squawked louder than a firefighter siren, squirming so much it looked like he was actually being electrocuted. “PLEHEHAHA LEEHEEO NAHAHAT THEHEHE RIHIHIBS!!!” He cackled.

“Not the riiiibs~? Why~? Is it because it’s your tickle spot~? Your tickletickletickle spot~? Because you’re ticklish~?” Leonardo asked as he lightly nibbled the crook of Mikey’s neck.

Michelangelo screamed in laughter, scrunching up his shoulders as he dug his heels on the bed, a couple of his plushies sadly falling on the floor (R.I.P. man…) “EEEHEEHEEP!!! S-STAHAP BEEHEEING MEEHEAN!” Mikey said as he thrashed on the bed.

The slider said nothing, his hands sneaking up to the box turtle’s underarms. “AAAAHAHAHA! OHO NOHOHO— squeak SHIT! SHIHIHAHAT!”

Happy tears slowly begin to appear in the smallest teen’s eyes, he weakly hit Leo’s arms as a last attempt to be set free, “LEHEHEMME squeal GOHOHOHO!”

“Ohonly if you sahay it, bubs.”

“IHIHI— SQUEAK!! LEEHEEHEEON!!!”

“Yeeeees, baby brother~?” The elder dragged out as he kneaded the other’s hips.

“IHI’LL SAHAY IHIHAT I-IHIHI’LL SAHAHAY IHIT!!” The amber eyed teen squealed.

“And you promise not to be a sassy little shit about it~?” The older teen asked.

“SQUEAK YEHAHAHA— SQUEAK YEHES YEHES I-I PROHOHOMISE!”

Leo stopped tickling his little brother, hugging him protectively as the youngest caught his breath slowly but surely. “W-Wahait…whahat squeak wahas ihihat yohou eeheeven wahanted me squeak to sahay again?”

The taller turtle pondered for a bit, thinking to himself before loudly groaning, “That’s…a good damn question. I don’t really remember exactly what I wanted you to say in the first place…” The lime green eyed turtle sighed, “Forgetfulness at its finest...”

The red eared slider adjusted himself, making sure the other was comfortable before starting to speak again, “Well…based on what we talked about…could you maybe just…y'know…” Leo gestured with his hands before groaning, “Do you get what I’m trying to say, man?”

“…I thihink I have ahan idea…” Mikey giggled as he fiddled with his hands, “I shouldn’t beat myself up so much because of some of my traits or quirks. And I’m allowed to feel frustrated and/or upset because things don’t go my way because of them. But…I shouldn’t allow those things to put me down...”

Michelangelo smiled softly, rubbing his palm with his thumb, “They don’t define me as a person but they make me a person. I don’t need to be at my best 100% and I’m allowed to have bad days. And if things get too overwhelming or difficult I can just go to you guys.”

Mikey hugged himself, letting out a small laugh as his happy tears welled up in his eyes, “I’m just…being me. And there’s nothing wrong with that.” Leonardo teared up at his brother’s words, hugging him tighter than he ever had before and burying his face at the back of the youngest’s head.

“Never forget that, Miguelito…never forget that.”

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚𝙵𝙸𝙽˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

(𝙿.𝚂.: 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐!!!)