As a reminder that good exists out there, a coworker recently confessed to me that he found out his child is questioning their identity (kid's gender redacted for this post). The kid is keeping it from him, so he can't say anything to them or show that he knows, but he's doing his best to get mentally prepared and educated so that he'll be ready whenever his kid does feel comfortable enough come to him.
For context, this guy is a big, bulky middle aged dude who loves sports and typical outdoor "manly" activities. As his coworker and friend, I know he's a kind and sweet teddy bear of a person, but his kid probably views him as a stern, authoritarian figure, the way most teenagers view their parents. His family lives in a conservative area, so I'm sure between that, their dad's looks and interests, and the fact that their dad is a Figure of Authority, the kid is worried that they won't be accepted.
But you know what? When he found out about his kid, the first thing he did was reach out to his closest queer friend and ask for resources for parents of questioning children. His biggest fears are that his kid will be bullied or discriminated against and won't feel comfortable enough to be themself. His second action was to find himself a mentor in another parent who went the same situation (kid coming out in a conservative town). The other person is preparing him for some of the struggles his kid may face and the fights he may need to take on as a parent to make sure his kid is safe and treated well.
Something I want to emphasize for people focused on language as the primary method of allyship is that when we spoke, he used some outdated terms and thoughts about gender and sexuality. That does not make him bad. These were the terms and thinking used about questioning teenagers when he was growing up and he never needed to learn more current ones. But now that he does have that need, he's throwing himself in head first because that's his kid and he's darn well going to make sure that his kid feels welcomed and has a safe place to be themselves even if they never come out to him.
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Always The Friend Part 2
Pair: Bucky Barnes / Female Reader
Summary: It’s the next morning and you have to decide if staying is the best choice since Bucky obviously doesn’t want you as a friend either.
Warnings: Implied smut... thats all. Oh and the feels. lol
A/N: Rewriting my whole masterlist, so hang on tight. Hope these will be better than the originals! I tend to write for female readers, but I try not to use any details so this will be for all races. If you see me miss a detail, please let me know so I can fix it. I want everyone to be able to enjoy my stories.
My stories have not been beta’d or really edited, so sorry of there is some mistakes.
Read part 1 here
The next day you wake up feeling horrible. Like you were hungover but didn't drink. You still can’t believe you unknowingly told Bucky your feelings and he hasn't said anything. He hasn't come to talk to you or anything. Now, not only is your heart broken from unrequited love, but you also lost your best friend in the process. You knew you shouldn't have told him, because look what happens when he finds out. You're sure he is probably laughing with Emily over your stupidity.
You drag yourself out of bed because you are hungry. You skipped dinner last night, not wanting to see him, but you know you can't skip another meal. You figured you would lay low for the next few days and let things die down. If it's still too awkward, or Bucky and Emily make it hard on you, you will have to make a decision on whether to stay or not. But for now, you will lay low and stay hidden if possible. First you will sneak into the kitchen for food and then hunker down in your room.
“Friday, is anyone out in the hall right now?” You ask the AI.
“No, agent Y/L/N,” she replies. You sigh in relief and head out your door. You quietly walk to the kitchen hoping to grab coffee and a small box of cereal to bring back to your room.
When you walk into the kitchen it's empty. Thank god! So you quickly put get everything you need and start the process of making coffee. You're trying to be quick to get out of there before someone, especially Bucky, sees you.
“Y/N?” you hear quietly. You close your eyes in both frustration. Damn silent super soldier.
You take a deep breath and refuse to turn towards him. “Morning. I.... uh... just wanted to get coffee and cereal. I won’t bother you,” you say quickly.
You continue to make your coffee feeling the heat climb up the back of your neck. Already the tears are starting to form. Stop! Don't give him anything!
“I-I actually wanted to talk to you,” he said taking a cautious step toward you.
You turn and look at him. “Please don’t,” you say.
You look at his face and see that he hasn't slept at all. The dark circles under his eyes, the puffiness and redness, he looks... horrible. You ignore it cause he made you feel horrible.
“I don’t need to hear how embarrassed you were to hear what I said in front of your girlfriend, or how you don’t feel the same way. I'll assume our friendship is over, which sucks, but I understand,” You voice cracked.
You grab your supplies and head out of the kitchen back to your room and lock your door. Only then did you allow the tears to come out again, your proud that you stood your ground and said something. It doesn't help your broken heart, but right now nothing will help that. As you sit there silently crying, there is a light knock on your door. You ignore it, not wanting to see anyone, when you hear Bucky call through the door.
"Bells, please. Let me in. I just wanna talk. Please," he whispers that last word, but you heard it.
You decide to hear him out. At least then you can get closure and decide if staying here is the best thing for you. You wipe your tears and walk to the door, opening it and walking away, letting Bucky walk in on his own accord. He comes in and slowly closes the door as you sit on your bed, refusing to look at him. He sighs and sits next to you, allowing your shoulders to touch. Your betraying body once again burns with the skin to skin contact.
“I have a lot to apologize for Y/N. First is that I should've ran after you yesterday or at least come last night after allowing things to calm down. I was just scared I guess, but I'm sorry. I've been trying to get the guts to come here and talk all night. So, when I ran into you in the kitchen I knew if I didn't talk to you now I was truly going to lose you, and... and I can't have that.”
You looked at him for a moment. “What were you scared of?” You asked, ignoring the fluttering in your heart at the rest of his declaration.
He gulps and takes a deep breath. “Scared that you didn’t really mean it. That you're not really in love with me. I-I've been in love with you since the day I met you, my Bella, and the thought of you feeling the same way doesn't make sense to me. I mean you're so amazing and I'm... me,” You’re speechless.
"When will you finally see yourself the way everyone else does? Bucky, your the most caring person in the world. You would give anyone the shirt off your back if they needed it. You're amazing Bucky. More amazing then you even know, which is why I meant it. I've been in love with you for so long, but I was scared I would lose you, and well now you have Emily, so."
“I broke up with Emily right after you left the room. She kept me away from you on purpose, and I wasn’t 100% sure about her anyway. Besides, if there was even the slightest chance I could be with the love of my life, I was going to try.” He said shrugging at you. “I’m just sorry I didn’t come to you yesterday. I should have and told you all of this right away. I should have told you awhile ago. But...”
You put your hand to his mouth, silencing him. “We both should have said something awhile ago. I’m sorry I never did, but... I love you Bucky. I’ve loved you since I met you.” Bucky smiled at you, wrapping his arms around your waist.
“Can I kiss you, Belle?” He whispered rubbing his nose against yours. You nodded wrapping your arms around his neck as he lowers his head to bring your lips to his.
--
You and Bucky spent the whole day in your room. You talked more about your feelings, and expressed them in the best way possible. Finally you both decide it's time to stop hiding, you showered, together, and head to dinner with the team with large smiles on your faces. When you walk in, hand in hand, the team all looks at the two of you with a smirk.
“About time you stopped being an idiot, Tinman!” Sam yelled.
Bucky flipped him off as you giggle leaning into Bucky. Bucky looks down at you with a soft smile wrapping his metal arm around your shoulders and kissing the top of your head. Dinner was eventful. The whole team talked about how it was about time you both told each other how you felt. You curled into Bucky’s side blushing by the end of the conversation.
“Well I for one am so glad you two finally figured it out,” Steve said as dinner was wrapping up, staying silent up to this point.
“Oh yeah? Why's that punk?” Bucky said with a raised eyebrow. Everyone at the table looked at Steve, who had a big smile.
“Because... now I don’t need to hear you whine and pine about Y/N. 'Oh I love her but she will never love me back. Do you think she likes me?' You sounded like a teenage girl!” Steve said imitating Bucky.
Everyone was shocked at this, but then the whole table started laughing hysterically. You looked up at Bucky, who still had his jaw dropped in shock, and blushing. You laugh, taking his face in your hands, drawing his eyes to you. “It’s okay baby, I love how much you whined and pined for me. Makes me feel... special,” You bring him toward you and peck his lips.
Bucky smiled at you. “You are the most special, my Bella. I love you,” He says before kissing you again to the sounds of your team whooping in the background.
--
Gotta love happy endings!! Hope you all enjoyed. Feedback is appreciated. And stay tuned for my other works getting a reboot!
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it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.
anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."
just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.
i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.
when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.
but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.
i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?
most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.
now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.
and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.
go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.
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