#am content having it on my phone for when I'm away from the computer

[gloomwitchwrites]

Cod people when reader has really bad/intense Keratosis Pilaris on her arms and a bit on her thighs? 🩷

Anon, I'm not sure if you have Keratosis Pilaris, but I'm assuming you do since you requested this. I am more than happy to write a little comfort and sweetness. Since Keratosis Pilaris affects people differently, I wanted to give some variety here without being overly specific. I took creative liberties on how the 141 guys treat reader here. I went for as much sweetness and healthy behavior as possible.

Presented in four double drabbles.

For the masterlist and how to submit your own request, click HERE

Task Force 141 x Reader (can be read as gn!reader)

Content & Warnings (per the warnings MDNI): established relationship, self-care, affection, kissing, intimacy, all comfort/no hurt

ao3 // main masterlist // imagines & what if masterlist

John Price

“What is all that?”

You lean back to allow John a better look at your computer screen. On it is your current online shopping cart. It’s full of products. Ever since receiving a diagnosis from your dermatologist, you’ve been researching like crazy, putting all sorts of products in your cart to save for later.

“Options,” you answer.

The internet is full of advice and what products to use. It’s all confusing, and your dermatologist wasn’t entirely helpful.

“I don’t know what to order,” you continue. “There are too many options. Saved everything for now until I can look at it later.”

John gives the screen a glance before giving you a quick peck on the cheek. “I’m off. Pub with the boys.”

“Enjoy.”

Closing the laptop, you decide to go to bed.

It isn’t until you’re under the covers, ready to shut off the light that your phone buzzes. It’s a new email.

Your Order Has Been Placed.

“I didn’t order anything,” you murmur, opening the email.

You didn’t.

John did.

Everything you had in your cart. Bought on his dime.

You tap out a brief message to him.

You didn’t need to.

His response comes immediately.

I wanted to.

SImon "Ghost" Riley

“You’re covering up,” observes Simon.

It’s true, though you don’t want to admit it. Whenever you’re having a particularly bad flare up, you want to hide. With it being colder out, you’re having issues.

“Not at all,” you reply. “Just cold.”

Simon frowns. “It’s hot in here.”

You wrap the blanket tighter around you, but it’s true. You are incredibly warm.

Sighing, Simon sits on the edge of the sofa. The backs of his fingers brush against your cheek.

“Having a flare up?”

You inhale deeply to settle your nerves. “Yes.”

“Can I do anything?” asks Simon, softly, his thumb lightly pressing to your chin, tipping your gaze upward to his face.

“Can you grab my moisturizer?”

Simon answers by placing a soft kiss against your cheekbone. He slips away, returning a few minutes later with your favorite bottle. You reach for it, but Simon shakes his head.

“I’ll do it,” he says.

Slowly, you lean back, opening the blanket to reveal your legs. Simon guides them over his lap. He stares down at the bumps, then leans down, planting soft kisses along your thighs.

He sits up, uncaps the bottle, and begins to work the lotion into your skin.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

Most of the time, the bumps stay to your arms. You know you’re having a larger flare up when it appears on your thighs. It’s frustrating, and when you’re frustrated, you always text your boyfriend, Kyle.

When you sent him a few quick texts, you didn’t think much of it. You thought he might respond with gentle reassurances of love and support. But Kyle doesn’t reply.

Instead, he appears at your front door.

“What is all this?” you laugh, reaching out, grabbing an offered bag.

Kyle shrugs. “Thought I’d come by. Have a little night in. That all right?”

You open one of the bags. It’s your favorite takeaway order.

“Of course. You’re always welcome.”

Kyle grins, and quickly kisses your cheek. Shutting the door with his foot, he heads into the kitchen, placing the other bags on the counter. You start digging through them. Not only did he bring dinner, but he brought your favorite snacks and beverages, along with your preferred moisturizer when you’re having a bad flare up.

When you turn around to thank him, you find Kyle adjusting the sofa, snagging blankets and pillows, creating a large next for the two of you.

“Movie?” he asks.

John "Soap" MacTavish

“What’s this?”

Johnny lightly taps the side of the tub. “Hop in.”

You walk up to it. Reaching your hand in, you find the water warm but not scalding. “What did you put it in?”

Johnny nods toward the bag of moisturizing soaking beads you always add to a bath.

“Thank you,” you murmur softly.

When you step into the bath, you expect Johnny to leave, but he doesn’t. He grabs the small exfoliating brush you always use with the soft bristles. Johnny gently lifts your leg from the warm water. Pressing the brush against your thigh, he lightly rocks the brush back and forth across the skin.

There are candles lit, and the light is off.

Johnny takes his time, lightly exfoliating where he’s supposed to while you silently soak, enjoying the subtle warmth. He offers a warm towel when you’re done, and he dries your body, leaving little kisses behind.

Once dry, you sit on the edge of the tub. With moisturizer in hand, Johnny pops the lid, squeezing some into his palms. He rubs it between his hands, warming it up before applying it your skin. Even in this, he’s gentle.

It’s sweet. Nice.

You feel loved.

taglist:

@glitterypirateduck @km-ffluv @tiredmetalenthusiast @miaraei @cherryofdeath

@tulipsun-flower @miss-mistinguett @ninman82 @eternallyvenus @beebeechaos

@no-oneelsebutnsu @smileykiddie08 @whisperwispxx @chaostwinsofdestruction @weasleytwins-41

@saoirse06 @unhinged-reader-36 @ravenpoe67 @sageyxbabey @mudisgranapat

@lulurubberduckie @leed-bbg @yawning-grave81 @azkza @nishim

@voids-universe @iloveslasher @talooolaaloolla @sadlonelybagel @haven-1307

@itsberrydreemurstuff @spicyspicyliving @cod-z @keiva1000 @littlemisscriesherselftosleep

@blackhawkfanatic @sammysinger04 @kylies-love-letter @dakotakazansky @suhmie

@kadeeesworld @umno-yeah @daemondoll @jackrabbitem @lxblm

@arrozyfrijoles23 @lovely-ateez @ash-tarte @spookyscaryspoon @enarien

[kfaem]

drunk thoughts - Zayne Li (LNDS)

pairing: Zayne x Mc genre: fluff, comedy, suggestive-ish (mostly inappropriate comments), some angst if you squint (it's implied that caleb and grandma are dead), domestic cw: established relationship, drinking, she really wants to get into zayne's pants lol, she's hungover in the morning authors note: it's late an i am really tired but got motivation to write so here we are. unedited mess. fun fact about me, I don't get hung over anymore :)

It would be a lie to say Zayne was shocked when his phone rang at the late time 2:36 AM, his lover's name appearing on his screen. Zayne had grown familiar with the Saturday night calls after a mission, her colleagues were always hosting post-mission dinners, which almost always involved alcohol. Zayne glanced at the clock, figuring that the night at the hospital had been slow enough to allow him to slip away just to make sure his girlfriend gets home safe.

Greyson wraps his knuckles on the door, announcing that his girlfriend's colleague was on the line saying she needs a ride home and won't get into the cab they called for her. He sighed, slipping off his glasses and setting them down beside his computer.

"I hope you won't mind my absence, I have to make sure she gets home safely." Zayne hung up his lab coat and grabbed his normal jacket, glancing outside at the freezing cold rain slamming down from the sky. "I shouldn't be more than an hour."

"Go ahead, not like we don't have enough help here anyways." Greyson nodded at him with a knowing smile, leaving the door open behind him knowing the other doctor would follow soon after.

He would be lying if he said her behaviour didn't worry him. The frequent Saturday late night's and the drinking. But he also knew life hadn't quite exactly been kind to her.

Zayne pulled up outside of the bar, spotting a familiar tall blond male and Tara, who were both struggling to keep his girlfriend from running off somewhere. "Oh thank god you're here Zayne, she kept insisting that she knew her limit and just... kept going. I tried to stop her but it... obviously didn't work." Tara chuckled awkwardly.

MC's eyes lit up at the sight of her tall, handsome boyfriend and she rushed over, throwing her arms around him. "You didn't forget about me!" He sighed as she nuzzled her red flushed cheeks against his chest, continuing to blab about how much she missed him. "Mmm, someone tried hitting on me and I told them that my big scary boyfriend would hurt them if they tried anything."

Tara met Zayne's eyes, nodding in confirmation at the girl's claims. "He was kinda scary- real big and muscley, I was actually kinda scared but I knew you'd be here to protect me if I needed help." Zayne frowned, petting her hair comfortingly. "Can we go home now? I wanna sleep..."

"Thank you guys for taking care of her, I'm sure she'll share her appreciation with you both in the morning."

"It's no problem." Xavier nodded.

The ride home was surprisingly quiet, he figured the drunken girl had fallen asleep pretty quickly. That was until they drove past her old apartment. "Y'know..." she slurred. "Hm?" Zayne hummed in acknowledgment. "Even though my old place was nice, I'm glad you asked me to live with you... I feel so much happier having you with me."

"I'm glad." The corner of his mouth lifted, sneaking a glance at her glossy eyes, flushed face, and pouty lips. "We're almost home, are you alright with me getting you ready for bed?"

"We've had sex Zayne, I don' care what you do." She lazily looked at him, lips curled into a smile. "As long as 's you."

He coughed at her brazenness and refocused on the road. "You're always so forward when you drink, it's as if you took a truth serum."

"Mmm, I don' need a truth serum when it comes to you." She let out a deep, content sigh, turning almost on her side to look at him fully. "Zayne?"

"Yes my love?"

"I love you. A lot. Like, way too much. I dunno what I would do without you." Her hand found it's way onto his shoulder, where she allowed her fingers to wander. "You're all I really got left." She mumbled. "I can't wait to get old with you."

"Anyway..." she hummed, mood shifting completely, "we don't get to see each other as often anymore. I don't remember our last date night." As she pouted, he smiled slightly. The memory fondly reappearing in his mind.

"Last Sunday we went for a picnic at that lake a few miles out, a goose stole your sandwich and you pouted for almost the entire day. After that, we went to an older style arcade where we played some games from our childhood and won... three plushies, one of which now sits in my office next to a photo of you."

"How do you remember all of that so perfectly?"

"Because I cherish every moment we spend together." Upon realizing that she likely wouldn't remember much of this, he decided to stop. "There, we're home."

He held back a chuckle as she fumbled with the door handle, failing to open it for a long enough time that he found his way around to pick her up out of the passenger seat. "I could've gotten that!"

"Right, that's why I had to grab you."

"Hmph!" Even with her arm wrapped around his neck and her face cuddled into his chest, she found a way to complain.

He felt her eyes on him the entire walk over to the elevator, a smirk found it's way over his face. "Is there something you wish to say, my aurora?"

"Hmm...no, you're just reallllllly pretty... I wanna kiss you..." He sighed, his thumb caressed her thigh. "Mmm, do you wanna kiss me too doctor?"

"Not when you're like this, no." Zayne fumbled for the elevator button, trying to keep her steady in case she slipped out of his grasp. "If you can remember this tomorrow, I'll gladly kiss you after you've cleaned up."

"You're no fun, y'know that right?"

The elevator dinged as it reached their floor and luckily, she seemed so focused on staring at his face that she stopped trying to make advances on him. "Shit..." he mumbled, reaching their door and realizing that his keycard was in his back pocket. "I have to set you down now, can you stand?"

"Mhmm, I'm not a baby deer, I can take care of myself!" She said this with a childish pout that had him chuckling. "What's so funny?"

With the door open, he quickly went to pick her up again, but much to his dismay, she rushed inside. As if she was on ice, she slipped, falling into the table next to the door. "Alright, that's enough..." He swept her up, not letting her squirming deter him from getting her to their room. "I'm going to change you now, is that okay?" She stared at him with big doe eyes, as if none of his words made it out of his mouth. "MC?"

Her gaze lowered to his lips and back up to his eyes, a knowing look came over her eyes. "I...really want you right now."

"As I said earlier, if you can remember this tomorrow, I'll consider humoring you."

"'m not that drunk though, please babe? It's been so long..."

"I already said no, now I am going to ask again, is it alright if I change your clothes?"

Her lip stuck out in a childish pout, clearly upset that she was turned down yet again. "Mhm, go ahead."

After a rough fifteen minutes and very much struggling, she was out of her clothes and into her pajamas, and now laying down on their bed. "You...didn't win, but I'm tired now...'m gonna go t' sleep now..."

"Of course I didn't, go to sleep my love, I'll see you in the morning."

Zayne gently shut the bedroom door behind him as he left the room, letting out a deep sigh as the chaos was finally over.

She woke up with a pounding headache, her body aching all over. Her hand felt around the bed, searching for the familiar heat that she craved. But it was cold. She opened one of her eyes, blinking away the sleep and pain at the bright sunlight that flooded the room. "Ughhh, did I get hit by a truck or something?" MC mumbled, pushing herself up.

"No, but you did drink far too much." Zayne's calm voice reminded her that she was at home, thankfully, and she was safe. "Not to mention, you apparently got into some trouble prior to me showing up to rescue you."

She racked her brain searching for memories from last night, bits and pieces coming to her in a embarrassing rush. "Gods...please tell me I wasn't too bad."

"Aside from trying to sleep with me and talking a bunch of nonsense, I can't say you were... too bad. Just mildly inappropriate." Finally he set a glass of water down, followed by him holding two painkillers up to her mouth. "Open."

Her throat was sore, likely from a night of shouting and reckless drinking, but the water felt nice. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I drank so much this time."

"You're fine, but I do recommend checking with Tara to see if there's anything you may need to apologize for." Zayne brushed a piece of loose hair away from her face. "Don't worry too much, just rest today. I made breakfast, would you like to come out to eat or should I bring it here for you?"

"I'll come out."

"Alright, I'll meet you out there."

[tomssexdoll]

hi could you write tom from 2014 and yn(fem reader) where he is hiring a new maid to take care of his house to keep it clean and that and when he finds a maid (yn) she comes to his house and then tom started to fuck her in his in the living room

(only write it if you comfortable ❤️)

YES BABY GIRL OFC

His girl

PAIRINGS: Tom 2014 x Female reader

CONTENT: SMUT

SYPNOSIS: Y/N is hired as Toms maid, he is a CEO for a very imporant law firm. She observes his odd behaviour for weeks, the way he looked at her, the way he'd make flirty comments. It wasn't until a random day he decided to make his first move..

A/N: meow

WARNINGS: dom!tom, sub!reader, p in v (missionary), nipple and breast play

I was a maid, desperately in search for work. Anytime I'd apply to work for someone there'd always be excuses, saying how I don't have enough experience or how I'm a lovely girl just not right for the role.

One day, I saw an advertisement for a man named Tom Kaulitz, a billionaire CEO of a law firm. He was in search for a maid, but I knew I would never have a chance, why would a billionaire hire someone like me? Would he even notice my application?

I decided to do it anyway, what's the difference if I don't get accepted, there's a chance I would get accepted, even if it's very slim. I filled it out, closing my computer and sighing, hoping one of the many people I applied for had accepted.

It had been about a week since I applied, no one else was answering, leaving me at home yet again, basically digging in pockets and between the couch for money. Then, a notification popped up on my phone, a message from an unknown number.

"Hello Miss Y/N, I am Tom Kaulitz, I wanted to speak about the application you've sent in. I am very impressed with your resume and want to set up an interview, perhaps this coming friday?" it wrote, my heart jumped out of my body, he wanted to meet with me?

I paced back and forth, thinking of ways to charm him, impress him, prove to him that I was worthy for the job. If I were to be accepted, I could live with him, eat free meals and get a monthly allowance.

As Friday came, I was panicked, wondering what I should wear and how I should do my makeup. I decided on something casual yet formal, not wanting to scare him away. He had planned for one of his drivers to escort me to his home, and as he arrived I hesitated going out the door, the fear consuming me.

As I gathered enough courage to leave, I approached the black sports car, opening the door and sliding in, greeting the driver. The ride was silent and a little bit awkward, tension from my fear filling the air.

We arrived shortly after, I stared in awe at the beautiful mansion in front of me, "beautiful, isn't it?" the drivers chuckled, "very," I smiled and walked with him to the front door, going inside and observing the walls around me, covered in lavish paintings and decor.

"He is upstairs, the first door to the left," the driver smiled, letting me find Tom myself. I sighed and nodded, nervously walking up the marble stairs, approaching said door.

"You'll be ok Y/N.." I whispered to myself before pushing the door open, I was met with a handsome young man, nothing like I imagined, he had long brown hair, tucked away in a low manbun and a kempt beard, sitting perfectly on his face.

"Well hello Miss Y/N, take a seat," he ordered, his piercing gaze boring into me as I nervously approached his desk, his posture straight and unyielding. He regarded me with a mix of curiosity and scepticism, his eyes roaming over my features.

"Hello Sir," I shyly smiled, taking a seat across from him, trying to keep as still as possible, leaving my hands in my lap. "Well, you're not what I expected, you're quite young," he chuckled, leaning forward and resting his arms on the desk, his intimidating gaze never leaving me.

"What makes you think you'd be suitable for this position schatz?" he smirked, my heart fluttered at the nickname, knowing a little bit of german from past houses I'd looked after.

"Oh, well. I've basically been cleaning my whole life, I know I'm young and you may think I don't have much experience but I assure you I do," I smiled softly, he leaned back in his chair, studying me, "I'll be the judge of that.." his eyes flicked to my resume, a small smirk playing on his lips.

"Yes, you're young and inexperienced, but I can see the drive in you," he chuckled, "tell me, how do you handle pressure?" he looked back up at me.

"Oh I do amazing under pressure, I've basically been under pressure all my life, my childhood, previous jobs and things I've gone through. When I'm met with pressure I'm always able to solve it quickly," I said, he hummed in approval, obviously satisfied with my answer.

"Good, so you know how to keep a cool head. You're going to need it here, I demand perfection and anything less than that is not acceptable," his look became more intense, his voice lowering slightly.

"Yes sir, I understand." I nodded, eagerly waiting for his acceptance for the job. His eyes narrowed slightly, studying me once again with a piercing intensity. After a moment he nodded, a small smile playing on his lips, "very well, I'll give you a chance. But let me make one thing clear, if you can't keep up, you're out. No exceptions," he said firmly, leaving no room for further discussion.

"Of course, thankyou for giving me the job," I smiled. We both stood up, he simply walked around the desk. He extended a hand, meeting mine with a firm grip as he looked me in the eye, "I only hire the best, and I expect nothing less from you," he said with a confident air, his voice low and commanding.

"You'll start today, I can arrange for some people to pick up your things and move them here schatz," he said, towering over me. I lost my train of thought, focusing on his features, his beautiful brown eyes and perfect nose.

"Miss?" he called out, making me jolt slightly, "oh, yes I'm sorry," I softly chuckled, walking out the door and grabbing the cleaning products left outside the room for me to start cleaning.

The first few days were chill, I had gotten settled into my new room and did very basic jobs. Cooking for Tom, cleaning up his office after he was done working, nothing too hard for me.

As the days turned into weeks, I noticed he began to trust me more, assigning me more responsibility and eventually inviting me to sit in on important meetings. My hard work not going unnoticed.

Another thing I had also noticed was the way he'd look at me, the way he'd just stare at me when working, not like he was trying to intimidate me to work harder but like, his eyes would just soften.

For the time I'd known him he never looked at anyone like that, then the comments started, he'd say something that would spike my attention and make me giggle, obviously giving him pleasure in hearing my amusement.

Sometimes he'd just invite me into his office for no apparent reason, just saying he wanted me to be there. During one meeting, he leaned in and whispered into my ear, "you look stunning today.." his breath hot on my neck as he continued to study the documents in front of him. He was non chalant about it, but his gaze told a different story.

"I do? But I'm wearing what I always wear sir, how is it so different today?" I chuckled nervously, his lustful gaze taking a toll on me. "Because I'm noticing things now that I didn't before. You've caught my attention and I have a keen eye for detail.." his voice was low and husky, his eyes never leaving mine, sending a shiver down my spine.

"I guess that's apparent with all your decor and paintings," I tried to shift the conversation, but he wouldn't budge. Tom chuckled, closing the folder in front of him and leaning back in his seat as he turned his body completely towards mine. His eyes glinted with a hidden fire.

"It's not just decor and paintings, schatzi. It's about appreciating beauty when you see it.." he smirked, "oh.." I felt blush creeping up my neck and onto my cheeks, he chuckled at my reaction, loving to see me so flustered, only by his words.

He stood up, walking towards me, "mmm, you're blushing.." he reached out, gently tilting my chin to look up at him, leaving me no choice but to meet his gaze.

"How about we go watch a movie? Wind down a little..you seemed, bothered," he smirked, a playful look in his eyes. "Oh, of course," I stood up, met with his hand instantly locking with mine, dragging me out of the office and downstairs to his living room.

"No one's home tonight, they're all busy with running errands for me," he sat down, patting a spot next to him. "Would you like something to drink? Whiskey, brandy, wine?" he said, standing back up and walking to his bar.

"Just some white wine please.." I smiled, watching as he poured my drink and poured himself a shot of whiskey. As he walked back, I noticed the way his muscles would ripple under his shirt, feeling a burning in between my legs.

As he sat back down I gladly accepted the drink, "thankyou sir," I mumbled. He raised an eyebrow, sipping his whiskey as he sat back down next to me, his hand reaching out to rest on my knee, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"You're very welcome, now let's find a movie," he grabbed the remote, flicking through movie channels. "How about something a little more...adult.." he smirked, scrolling though the options, pausing on a steamy romance that looked like it would have plenty scenes to get my heart racing, just the things he wanted.

"Oh..s..sure.." I stuttered, the tension filling the air. He knew he was getting to me and it only made him want me more. He clicks play on the movie, leaning back on the couch as it begun.

"Come closer, relax schatzi," I felt his hand wrap around my waist and pull me closer towards him. As the movie went on the tension built up further, I felt myself getting hotter as the scenes intensified.

"Is it hot in here..?" I sighed, taking off my jacket. "Yes, it's very hot in here.." he smirks, seeing my jacket come off and knowing I'm getting closer to giving into his advances, his lips just inches from my ear.

My breath hitched as a sex scene came on, feeling his grip on my waist tighten. He watched with me, his body pressed against mine on the couch, making me feel his hardness through his pants as he grinds against me, letting out a low moan in my ear.

As the sex scene intensified, he couldn't resist the urge to touch me any longer, pressing his lips to my neck, trailing hot kisses down to my collarbone as his hand slips under my shirt, caressing my skin. "God, you're so fucking sexy.." he growled lowly.

"Sir..we can't.." I gasped, he ignored my protests, too consumed by his desire for me. His hand slips further under my shirt, finding the curve of my breast, "tell me to stop.." he looked back at me, I just stayed silent, giving him the permission he needed.

His pinched my nipple through the fabric, rolling it between his fingers as he continued his assault on my neck. "Sir..." I moaned softly, he groaned in response to my noises, his fingers deftly unhooking my bra from behind and pushing the fabric aside. He cups my bare breast, thumbing my nipple as he leans in to capture my lips in a hungry, demanding kiss.

I moaned against his lips, reaching down to my shirt and unbuttoning it. He smirks and pulls away for a moment, watching my shirt come off. As he buttons open he moves down to capture a nipple in his mouth, sucking it in and swirling his tongue around it as he reaches down to palm my other breast.

The moans coming from the movie only made Tom hungrier, laying me down on the couch and quickly turning the movie off, wanting to hear my raw emotion and noises, not some bimbo on the TV.

"Good girl.." he smirked, moving his lips down to my stomach, dragging the zipper of my skirt down and removing it, revealing my red panties, "ah, red is my favourite colour," he chuckled, tugging my panties down my legs and tossing them aside, pressing his hips between my thighs.

His hard length pressed against me, teasing me as he reaches down to rub my clit in slow circles, "do you want me to fuck you, sweetheart?" he looked down at me, I softly nodded, "please.." a quiet whine leaving my lips.

He nodded, quickly removing his pants, his cock straining against his boxers, the size making me question everything. Then, he started to unbutton his shirt, flinging it off and revealing his hard, muscular chest.

"Oh fuck.." I bit my lip, closing my legs and pressing my thighs together to get some sort of relief, he chuckled darkly, leaning down to suck on my neck, leaving a mark as he reached into his boxers, pulling his thick, veiny cock out.

"Sir.." I whimpered, "shhh..just call me Tom," he smirked, his fingers grasping the base of his cock. He lined himself up, the tip nudging my entrance before he thrusted forward, burying himself to the hilt inside me with a low groan, "fucking hell, you're so good.."

He began to move, his powerful hips setting a relentless pace as he fucks me hard and deep. The couch creaked beneath us with each rough thrust, the sound mingling with my moans and the slap of skin on skin.

His hands gripped my hips, pulling me into each powerful stroke, "oh Tom!" I moaned loudly, my hands flying to his shoulders for support. He chuckled low in his throat, the vibrations sending shivers through me as he redoubles his efforts. His thrusts grew even more forceful, pounding into me with an animalistic intensity.

One hand released my hip to move up my body, meeting my breasts another time, pinching and rolling my nipples as the other hand kept me grounded. "Such a good girl, taking me so well.." he moaned softly, his eyes locking onto mine, dark with lust and possession as he watched my reactions.

He increased the pace, the tip of his cock hitting my cervix with each dominant thrust, "you like that baby? You like it when I fuck you dumb like this?" he said, love seeing how I melted from his touch.

"You're such a good little slut for me. Taking my cock like this, so wet and ready for me," his words only served to fuel my desire, my hips bucking back to meet his thrusts. He shifted, lifting one of my legs over his shoulder, opening me up further. The change in position allowed him to hit even deeper, his cock spearing into me with unrelenting force.

"Ohh my god! Tom, it's so good!" I cried out, arching my back as the pleasure got more intense, he groaned at my desperate pleas, his pace becoming almost brutal in it's intensity.

He sensed my impending climax, feeling my pussy start to clench around his throbbing cock, in need for release as well. "Cum for me, baby. Let go and cum all over my fucking cock.." he demanded, his own orgasm building in response to my awaiting peak.

"Fuckkk!" I yelped, one last harsh thrust triggering my orgasm, my juices spilling all over his cock.

Feeling my tight walls milking his shaft as I came, Tom followed suit, his cock pulsing as his hot seed filled me. He continued to thrust, riding out the aftershocks of my orgasm, the feeling of my walls clenching around him an almost unbearable pleasure.

He collapsed on top of me, his chest heaving uncontrollably, "fuck, that was amazing.." he panted, sitting back down on the couch and pulling me into his lap.

I buried my head into the crook of his neck, calming down from my earth shattering orgasm. "You wanna come up to bed with me, get some rest?" he chuckled, tilting my chin to look up at him, "yes please.." I whined. And with that he stood up, holding me against his chest and walking up to his bedroom, gently laying me down on the luxurious bed.

He pulled the covers over me, sliding in behind me and pulling me closer, his strong arms wrapping around my trembling frame. "Get some rest.." he whispered, kissing my hair gently.

tags: @itsmealaiah @itsangelll @ballhair

tags: @kaulitzsbabyy @kaulitzswhxre @bkaulitzlover

tags: @bills-wife-1 @ella1289 @20doozers

tags: @tomsonlyslut @miyukafujii

[theajaheira]

your tags on that fandom post got me thinking of how... defensive fandom is of the status quo kinda? like I'm white so this might come off like I'm absolving myself which I'm not, but so often I see "fandom is a queer run space that fixes canon! buuuut we're going to focus on the white men because they're the only ones with depth :) and we're going to make actually good female characters cookie cutter. and we're going to ignore black men and especially black women. but queer run safe space!!"

the minute i got this ask i knew i had to wait until i was at home with my laptop because my fingers cannot fly as fast on my phone as they can on the computer keys. this is literally so much of what is happening in the buffy fandom. the whole thing is built on intrinsic systemic racism n misogyny that's reinforced within the show and that many in the fandom do not critically engage with in the slightest. it is absolutely objectively insane to me that i can make a post going, for example, "hey, isn't it fucked up as hell that the show treats the romani people as evil for wanting angel to suffer?" and then people will come into my inbox or land in my reblogs and go "well, actually, the show treats the romani people as shortsighted and bad at long-term planning, and i choose to read them that way too :)" and fully not see that there is a hell of a problem with THAT statement as well (real thing that happened). OR that kennedy hate is still hugely in vogue because she's mean and bratty and terrible and doesn't know her place!!! OR kendra's death & how easily she is forgotten by the fandom!!!!! OR the entire trend of handing buffy to a person's favorite character like a little trophy they've earned for being tortured and sad, reducing her to a facet of a romantic relationship & implying that this is what she needs to feel and be complete!

OR OH MY GOD THE ENTIRETY OF EVERYTHING SURROUNDING SPIKE. where do i even start with spike. completely serious, i am honestly endlessly impressed by the people who can still handle being fans of spike, because being a fan of spike means having to wade through 20 million fics where That Bitch Buffy must be narratively punished for abusing poor baby spike who only ever wanted to love her and was totally out of character every time he hurt her (and also drusilla is a vapid whore who didn't love spike, ever.) like i am not at this point in time always strong enough to engage with spike content simply because there is so much spike content that is SOAKED in violent misogyny repackaged as Deep, Torrid Romance. it's exhausting to try and find the good stuff when sometimes even the good stuff will throw you a curveball in chapter five or shy uncomfortably away from the racist realities of spike's character. the fact that robin wood has been hated for so long because he had the Nerve and the Audacity to want retribution for his mom, and that he is framed as in the wrong for wanting that, is in and of itself so fucking upsetting to me.

AN Y WAY. i agree with you. and i get what you're saying. i think an awareness of the pattern and a willingness to feel uncomfortable within your own mistakes is always a good place to start. i try so hard never to dig my heels in if i can avoid it.

[taylor-titmouse]

hello! I'm wondering, what helps you write? what gets you in the mood to do it and motivates you to continue, especially for long term projects?

- 🍂🌾

i write in my phone in bed between the hours of 7-9:30 AM and from when I get back in bed to when I go to sleep at night and basically at no other time, though if I'm free and really jonesing I might write on the couch in the afternoon. I'm basically incapable of writing at a computer anymore and would literally sit in the chair typing on my phone instead. I got into this habit in college when it was just more comfortable to lay in my bed than sit at my desk and then i never stopped.

anyway what gets me in the mood to do it is simply I Wanna Write The Horny Away. i often compare it to an exorcism. i have a horny idea that requires too much context and build up to be satisfied by a few drawings so i write it. and then it turns into a story with worldbuilding and plot and relationships and i can't help myself.

as for staying motivated on longer projects, that's much harder because im not good at planning and tend to fizzle out the longer i spend on something. the novel i've been working on only Is a novel because all the build up and context got too long to be a novella, and then i needed to figure out how to actually structure it like a novel, and that was hard so i stopped working on it for 2/3rds of a year. i've gone back to it and had a good month doing heavy revisions, but now that i'm back to writing new content in it, it's hard again.

writing short shit i can pump out in a month is way easier (and probably better financially. but i hate leaving things unfinished if i can help it)

[forhappysake]

What Lurks Within, Pt. 3

Author's Note: I know this is only my first series, but I'm having soooo much fun with it. This section offers some more background on Y/N's past with the team. If you love lore, this is for you!

Content: When the team gets a lead from the local department's tech analyst, they're forced to look into a questionable detective with a long history of complaints against him. Before they can talk to him, they've got to get him to the precinct, triggering some hard memories from the past as old fears reemerge.

Warnings: Mentions of harassment/sexism in the workplace, brief mentions of Cat Adams and Scratch, mentions of past trauma, established relationship... I think that's pretty much it!

After the detective stormed out of the precinct, the team slowly shuffled out of the conference room into the main bullpen. The young tech worker, evidently named Richie, bent over his shattered monitor. “My poor screen,” he mumbled, bending down to pick up a shard of glass on the floor. 

“Richie,” I said, “I’m Agent L/N with the BAU. I’d like to know what all that was about.” I feigned ignorance. I wanted to hear it from Richie’s perspective, and I didn’t want him to know Whittenden had already discussed the matter with Spencer and I. 

Richie sighed, standing up straight and rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “You see, when I get files from my bosses, I don’t read them, let alone open them. I just sent them on to whatever department they’re meant for.” I nodded in response, and Richie continued. “The detective thinks I messed with his files, but I didn’t! I swear! I have no reason to…” Richie trailed off, getting distracted by his broken monitor littered over the office carpet. “I can’t believe he did that.” 

“Do you know anyone who would have a reason to alter Whittendon’s files?” Emily asked, making her way to the front of the group standing in the conference room doorway. 

Richie shook his head. “Look, I’m just the tech guy. I send emails and fix computers. I don’t get involved in all the office drama and crime stuff.” Emily and I made brief eye contact. How can you avoid the “crime stuff” while working in a police department?

“Anyway, I have a hell of a mess to clean up now… If you’ll excuse me…” Richie bent down to the floor, picking up shards of shattered monitor and trying to find any missing pieces that had gone askew on the floor. I sighed at the next dead lead. I made my way back to the team, and just as I started to rejoin the team in the conference room, Richie’s voice came from behind me. “Agent L/N?”

“Yeah, Richie?” I asked, turning around to face him. 

“You didn’t hear this from me, but I know Detective Andrews has been after Whittenson’s job for months,” Richie shifted nervously on his feet, looking around the office with paranoia evident in his eyes. 

I narrowed my eyes, and nodded. “Thank you, Richie. We’ll look into that.” So much for never partaking in water-cooler gossip. The young man nodded, continuing to pick up pieces of the monitor scattered on the floor.  

I rejoined the team in the conference room, shutting the door behind me once again. “Did you guys hear that?” I asked. 

“I did,” said Emily, “I’m getting Garcia on the phone right now.” Clicking her contact and turning her phone on speaker, Emily set her phone in the middle of the table. After two rings, a bubbly voice came over the other line. 

“Hello, my pretties. How is Denver?” Penelope said. I could almost hear the smile on her lips, and I felt a small smile cross my own face. 

“It’s okay, Garcia. We need your help,” Emily answered. 

There was a moment of silence as I heard Garcia click around on her computer before she spoke again, “I am at your service, my fine-feathered FBI friends. Tell me what you need to do.”

Emily spoke again, “We need details on a Detective Andrews at the Denver Police Department, preferably anything to do with a recent promotion that he may have missed out on.” I heard Penelope clicking away on her computer. 

“Uh-huh… anything else?” Penelope asked. 

“Not for now. Have you found anything off the bat?” Emily questioned. She crossed her arms in front of her, staring intently at the cell phone. Spencer sat at the head of the table, leg tapping in anticipation. 

“Sending it to your tablets now,” Penelope said. We all heard our tablets buzz from their respective positions on the conference room’s large table. Reaching forward, I opened the file Penelope had sent. A headline caught my attention first: “Detective Ryan Whittendon named Head Homicide Detective for Denver P.D.” I scanned the article quickly, looking for anything about Detective Andrews, when a line of text caught my eye: 

“The decision for who would take over as Head Detective was a struggle. The Department was forced to choose between Whittendon, who has served with the Department for 3 years, and Jason Andrews, who has been with the Department for nearly 15 years. The Department made its decision based on success rates of case-closed and input from other office employees.”

“Yikes,” I heard Spencer mumble. He set his tablet down, scanning the faces of our other team members. 

“No kidding,” said Rossi, “working here for 15 years and getting passed over for the newbie… I bet that didn’t go over well.”

“So what does this mean?” Luke asked, “Is this guy our unsub?” 

“I don’t know about that,” I piped up. “With over fifteen years in law enforcement, becoming a serial killer would require a major personality change.” Matt and Spencer nodded in agreement. 

I saw Rossi shrug. “You’d be surprised what people would do when they feel unappreciated. They feel unseen, and they lash out in any way they can to be seen,” he said. 

“Regardless,” Emily stepped in, “we need to meet with Jason Andrews immediately. Garcia, do you have his home address available?”

“Sending it to you now,” Penelope said again. “Be safe, my friends.” With that, Penelope’s end of the line went dead. Our tablets buzzed once again, this time with Andrews’ address. 

“Okay, here’s how we’re going to do this.” Emily paced around the room, formulating a plan. “Luke and Matt, you’re going to go pick up Jason Andrews. Bring him here and get him situated in an interview room. Spencer and Y/N, I want you to follow behind them as a back up team in case things get ugly when they try to bring Andrews in.” “You’ve got it, boss,” Luke said. He rose to his feet, as Matt followed suit. The two of them headed out the conference room door and exited the precinct. Spencer backed his seat away from the table, standing up and heading for the conference room door. 

“Y/N,” he said, “are you coming?” I stared straight ahead of me, not quite making out what he said. I had an uneasy feeling growing in my stomach. I was never one to be overly superstitious, but I did believe in my instinct, and I was almost never wrong. 

“I don’t know about this, Emily,” I said. She furrowed her brow, looking at me with concern. I was never one to question her decisions or turn down the chance to chase after a bad guy. 

“What’s wrong, L/N?” she asked, coming to rest a hand on my shoulder. 

“I just… I don’t know. I just have a bad feeling.” I felt Emily’s eyes rake over me before she looked at Spencer. The two made eye contact before they both looked back at me. “Y/N,” Spencer said again, leaning down so that we were eye level. “Nothing bad is going to happen. We’re just going to pick this guy up and bring him back here so we can talk to him.” The logical part of my brain knew he was right. The guy was a current police detective, surely there was no danger in that. 

“I- I’m sorry,” I said, “I don’t know what’s come over me.” I stood from my seat. “Excuse me, I’m going to use the restroom before we go.” I exited the conference room without waiting for either of them to reply, brushing past Spencer and making quick work of the long hallway to the bathroom. I slipped in the door, and found myself staring deep into my own eyes. The reflection in the mirror seemed so foreign, so distant. 

I took deep breaths, collecting myself and drying my eyes with a paper towel before tears started to drip out of my eyes. After a couple more seconds of solitude, I left the bathroom, walking slowly back towards the conference room. The door was still cracked open, and I could hear muffled voices inside.

“I’m just worried about her. You know she isn’t fully over everything that happened, Spencer,” Emily’s voice spoke in a hushed volume. I creased my brow. Were they talking about me?

I heard Spencer sigh, followed by a long silence before he replied. “The whole thing messed us all up pretty bad. She’s better, just like we’re all doing better,” he said. The whole thing… Cat… Scratch… part of my life that felt like a pure hell. 

Emily spoke again, interrupting my thoughts, “I know, Spencer. You went through a lot, I went through a lot, but you have to acknowledge that she went through her own unique trauma as well.” You mean being psychologically tortured by a maniac before going through the physical trauma of a life-altering car accident? What’s unique about that?

“She’d only been a team member for six months when the two of you started dating. She’d only been here for a year when Cat forced her into that interrogation room and made her endure the whole night with you. Within hours of that, she was in that awful car crash with the rest of us…” Silence took over once more. “All I’m saying is, I know it’s been a few months since then, but those invisible wounds don’t heal in a few months. You should know that better than anyone.”

A long pause filled the room. I held my breath and kept silent outside the door, waiting for what would be spoken next. “Look,” Spencer broke the silence, “I know what she went through was horrendous and unfair. I think about it every day-” I heard his voice break a bit, bringing tears to my eyes once again. I heard him draw in a shaky breath before continuing, “But she is strong, and sidelining her is not going to make it any better. That’s what I do know.” 

I decided it was time to stop eavesdropping and to stop letting other people decide my fate. I stepped forward, pushing open the door. I took in Spencer’s glassy eyes, and Emily’s grip on the back of a conference room chair before he spoke. “Y/N, how long have you been out there?” he asked. 

“Long enough,” I gave a shy smile, a result of my embarrassment for having admitted to the eavesdropping. “Look guys,” I said, swapping my gaze back and forth between the two of them, “none of this is ever going to be easy for me. This past year has been a lot, but I’m moving forward. We all are, like Spencer said.” 

Emily let out an audible breath. “What I’m saying,” I started again, “is that Spencer is right. Sidelining me isn’t going to help me get any better. I know I have my weak moments, but I always come back. I just did, you see.” I gestured to the bathroom before gesturing to the conference room, “I always come back.” 

Spencer moved over to my side of the table. He reached out his hand, taking mine and offering a gentle squeeze as his show of support. “Now,” he said, “are we ready to go?” He asked it so quietly, as if he was afraid any force in his voice would break me to pieces. “I’m ready,” I said quietly, “it’s going to be fine.” 

“It’s going to be fine,” he echoed. I held his hand all the way out of the precinct to where Matt and Luke sat in their running SUV. 

“Where have you two lovebirds been?” Matt asked from the driver’s seat after rolling down his window.

“I had to use the bathroom, my bad!” I shouted back while jogging over to the passenger side of the second SUV. Spencer climbed in the driver’s seat while I slid into the passenger seat. Buckling our seatbelts, Spencer gave Matt a thumbs-up. Matt drove off, and we followed close behind. 

The ride was quiet for the first minute or so, but I could see Spencer shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “What’s wrong, Spence?” I asked, examining the way his hands fidgeted on the wheel.

He sighed. “I’m sorry if anything I said to Emily upset you,” he said apologetically. “I know we don’t like to talk about the things that happened. I just didn’t want her to bring it up in front of you and make you feel-”

You held a hand up, stopping him from saying more. “You’re right, Spencer. We don’t like to talk about it. Maybe someday we will, but for now, let’s just keep doing what we’re doing.” You offered him a small smile, a way of letting him know that you were okay. He didn’t say anything else, he just nodded, keeping his eyes on the road. You could tell that something else was bothering him, but you decided not to push the subject more. One of these days we’ll get there. 

The next ten minutes passed quickly as you pulled on to a quiet suburban street, Matt and Luke in the lead. Your pager buzzed and Matt’s voice echoed throughout the SUV. “Matt to Y/N, do you copy?”

“Copy, we’ve got you,” I replied. Matt and Luke brought the car to a stop in front of Andrews’ house. Spencer and I stayed parked a few houses back, watching to see if any back up would be needed. Luke jumped out of the car first, cautiously approaching the front step of the large brick house. They had no reason to believe Andrews was a real threat, but it was better to be safe than sorry. 

Matt followed a few steps behind, quickly hopping up the porch’s front steps, keeping a hand on his holstered weapon. It was nearing six in the morning as Luke knocked on the door, “Jason Andrews, FBI!”

Spencer and I watched in anticipation as to what would happen next. I froze as Luke knocked again. I listened over my radio as Luke’s voice rang out again, “Jason Andrews, we need to talk to you!” Suddenly, the front door swung open. A forty-something year old man in a robe stepped out on the front step with a cup of coffee in his hand. 

“Who the hell are you, and why are you on my porch at six in the morning?” Andrews asked, voice low and eyebrows raised in confusion. “My wife and kid are upstairs, keep it down.” I saw Matt and Luke’s shoulders release their tension. 

“We need you to come with us to the precinct to talk. It’s urgent.” Matt said. 

“That’s fine, just let me get dressed first,” Andrews turned back into the house as Luke and Matt waited on the porch. I let out a sigh of relief. 

“Oh, thank God,” I said. That wasn’t nearly as painful as I thought it was going to be. 

Spencer let out a quiet chuckle as Andrews stepped back out onto the porch in a full suit, climbing in the SUV with Matt and Luke. “See,” he said, “I told you there wasn’t anything to worry about this time.” 

This time… The words echoed in my mind, sending the same sickening feeling to my stomach. I didn’t respond as Spencer pulled away from the curb, following Matt and Luke back to the precinct

*  *  *

We returned to the local police department, where Luke and Matt left Andrews in an interrogation room before coming to join the rest of the team. We all sat in the conference room once again, blinds shut and door locked, contemplating our next move. 

“Okay,” Emily said, “I need your thoughts here, team. Who's going to interview him?” We all exchanged glances. 

Matt cleared his throat, “Seeing as how he did pretty well with Luke and I picking him up, I just figured we’d be on it.” Luke shrugged in response, taking a sip of his coffee. 

“I originally thought that, too,” Emily said, standing up from her spot at the table and reaching for a file she’d discarded on a shelf nearby. “That was until I read Andrews’ file.” I felt my eyebrows raise involuntarily. Reading someone’s file was a dangerous game to play, you never knew what you might find. 

“I wondered why Andrews didn’t win the popularity contest that went into becoming Head Homicide Detective,” Emily explained, as she flipped through pages, “but then I read this.” She sat a piece of paper in front of JJ, who began to read out loud. 

“Complaints of harassment against women: twenty-seven,” JJ cringed. “Good lord, how does this guy still work here?”

“So, Andrews is a raging sexist,” Luke said. 

Emily nodded. “Exactly, which is why we need a woman in the interrogation room.” JJ and I exchanged looks, as if to say ‘not it.’ “It will throw him off his game. He won’t be able to focus on lying if he’s focused on being a-”

“A douchebag?” Rossi finished for her. Emily nodded quickly. “Well,” Rossi started again, “who's it going to be?”

Matt chimed in again, “Why not send Y/N in? She’s quite a bit younger, I bet he’ll notice that too.” I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I often forgot about my age in relation to this group. Sure, I was only twenty-five and Matt had a point, but that didn’t make me love the idea any more. 

Spencer noticed my discomfort, “Why Y/N? JJ is more than capable.” I felt JJ’s eyes on me, as well as Rossi’s and Emily’s. I did not want to let anyone down, especially after the conversation I’d overheard between Spencer and Emily earlier in the morning. 

“No, Spence,” I said, rising from my seat and moving behind his chair. “I’m okay with it. I’ll go in with Luke, we can handle it together.” I tried to reassure him by placing my hands on his shoulders, but Spencer did not seem to relax under my touch. 

“Great,” Emily said, “I’m glad to hear it.” She handed Luke the file on Andrews to flip through before turning to me. “Don’t let him get the better of you. He’s going to be a jerk and I want you play along with him. Each time you do, you’ll be loosening his lips even more.”

She gave me a reassuring smile. I nodded, understanding what she wanted from me. Besides, I’ve been locked in interrogation rooms with worse people before.

To be continued!

[wrestlersownmyheart]

“Chances Are” Ch. 12 (Book 2 In the “Chances” Series) Finn Bálor X OC

Pairing: Finn Bálor X Female OC Summary: After a traumatic childhood and a murder attempt that left her with a heart condition, Miracle Seanoa wants nothing more than to find some peace and fulfillment in her life. Working as a writer for WWE, she's shocked when Stephanie McMahon takes a gamble on her skills and assigns her to a new RAW roster member. None other than Finn Bálor—the man who'd long ago saved her life and captured her heart.

Finn Bálor left his career as a police officer behind in order to chase his true dream of becoming a professional wrestler. Working incredibly hard within NXT, he soon finds himself drafted to Monday Night RAW. He's shocked to see Miracle again, but even more shocked is he to see what a stunning woman she's become.

However, someone else has had his eye on Miracle for a long while. With his infatuation turning to a deep, dark obsession, he's not going to give up on her easily. Finn will have to resort to his past skills as a cop, to protect the woman he loves.

Because if her weakening heart doesn't kill her, her stalker just might... Disclaimers: I own nothing or anyone associated or affiliated with WWE. I own only the original characters. This is just a fictional story that came from my imagination.

Chapter Content & Trigger Warnings:

Chapter 12

Two Months Later…

Miracle was just finishing putting her laundry away when her phone rang. Without thinking, she picked the phone up and answered it without looking at the Caller ID. "Hello?"

"Miracle, thank God… I've been trying to reach you for days."

"Finn? What's wrong," Miracle asked. Truth be told, she'd been avoiding his calls, knowing they'd simply weaken her resolve.

"Gerald quit his job. He's disappeared according to his family-his brother. Baby, you need to come home."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Miracle shook her head to clear it. "You still think that Gerald is the one who attacked me? Finn, it's been two months and I've not heard from him or the attacker. Don't you think they'd have found a way to reach me by now?"

"Maybe he's trying to throw us off," Finn said softly. "I don't know, but something is off about all this, Miracle."

"Listen Finn, don't freak out. But, the attacker sent me roses right before I left my apartment. But he's not done anything else since then-"

"HE WHAT?"

"I said don't freak out," Miracle scolded. "My point is that I'm safer here. He knows where I live in Florida. He has no idea where I am right now though."

"I need to see you, love."

"I'm sorry, Finn."

"It's been two months. How much time do you need?"

"As much as I need," Miracle replied.

"You can't run from me forever."

"Maybe not," MIracle shrugged even though FInn couldn't see her. "But I'm still hurt Finn. That pain hasn't gone away yet."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are, Finn, but that doesn't change anything."

A twinge of nausea hit her stomach then. That was happening more and more lately. Usually when she thought of Finn and how much she actually missed him. Her call waiting signaled she had another call.

"Listen, Finn, I need to go. I have another call coming through."

"No, wait. Put me on hold. Come back when you're done. I'm not finished talking to you."

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Okay, okay. Hang on." With that, she went to her other line and answered, "Hello?"

"Hey beautiful, did you like the roses?" A voice rasped.

For a moment, the comment didn't compute. "Wh-what? Who is this?"

The line clicked.

Breathing shakily, she went back to the line that Finn was waiting on. She tried to calm herself before speaking. "So, what else do you want to talk about?"

"What's happened?"

Amazed he could read her so easily, she shook her head and fought the dizziness that was threatening to claim her. "N-nothing."

"Baby, you sound terrified. What. Has. Happened?"

"Nothing, Finn. Really. Just a prank phone call."

"Why are you trying so hard to be brave? He called you, didn't he?"

"Yes, okay? Yes."

"You need to come home."

"No. It was just my cell phone number. He doesn't know where I am."

"Please, Miracle. I'll beg if I haf'ta."

"Daddy knows where I am," she confessed. "If I need anything I can contact him."

"That's not good enough, lass."

She could have sworn his voice cracked. "I'll be fine, Finn. Don't worry about me. I have to go. Bye."

With that she hung up and tossed her phone aside. Immediately, it started ringing. Checking it, she saw it was Finn again. She ignored the call.

The nausea intensified. To the point she wondered if she would be sick. She groaned softly and laid down on her bed, willing the sickness away.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

Over the next few days, her symptoms of dizziness and nausea only grew more persistent. In fact, she blacked out at one point. Luckily she landed on the sofa. It frightened her enough upon waking though, that she headed to her car and went straight to the urgent care clinic in town.

Now, as she finished filling out her paperwork and handed it in, she sat and waited for her turn to be called back to an exam room.

The wait was not long as there weren't many people ahead of her. Soon she was seated in the exam room and her vitals were being taken.

"Your blood pressure is a bit elevated but nothing too serious. What are you seeing the doctor for today?"

"I am having some chronic nausea and dizziness. I actually passed out on my sofa earlier today. I thought it might be the flu or a stomach bug or something."

"Goodness. Well, we'll certainly get to the bottom of what's going on. The doctor will be in in a few moments."

With that, the nurse closed the door and Miracle waited about ten minutes before a doctor came in.

"Hello, Ms. Seanoa. I'm Dr. Newell," He introduced himself. "What can I do for you today?"

"Well, I am hoping you can help me find out what's wrong with me. I have chronic nausea and dizziness. I'm so tired all the time-"

"Can I ask you when your last period was?"

"Well, yes, it was…" She stopped to think. "It was… Actually it's been a couple months since I had one. That can't be right."

"Is there any chance you are pregnant?"

"Oh, no! No, I couldn't be… I-"

She did recall Finn's little mishap while they were making out, however. That was a couple of months ago.

"Oh, God…" Miracle said softly. "I- I think I possibly could be."

"We'll run a test. It'll take a few hours to get the results but I can have the nurse call you with those."

Miracle nodded, now in a daze. I'm pregnant, she thought to herself. It's the only thing that adds up.

She drove home after having her blood drawn. She was sure what the result would say. She could practically feel the little life bubbling up in her womb.

"What will Finn say," she wondered aloud. "What will Mom and Daddy say?" Then a dark thought hit her. "What will my cardiologist say?"

But at the end of the day, it was her baby. Hers and Finn's.

And no one could take that away from her.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

Hours later, Miracle got the phone call that she was indeed pregnant. The doctor referred her to an OB-GYN and in the meantime prescribed her some prenatal vitamins. Now she had a decision to make. Who to tell first? Her parents, or Finn. Telling Finn would mean revealing to him her location, because she was not going to tell him over the phone. Likewise, with her parents.

"I'll invite them to the cabin," she thought aloud. We could have dinner and I could tell them then.

Before she could change her mind, she picked up her phone and called Ella.

"Hi, Mom," she greeted when Ella picked up. "Listen, I have something important to tell you and Daddy. Do you think you could make the trip to Uncle Jeff's cabin?"

"Of course, baby," Ella replied. "Your father is on a trip, but I'll pack for me and Nathan and grab a flight to Nashville International Airport. Joe will have to take a redeye flight because he's in L.A. right now for a show."

"Okay. Be safe, Mama."

"You know I will," Ella retorted.

After saying their goodbyes, Miracle ended the call.

"How in the world do I explain to Mom and Daddy that they are going to be grandparents," she thought out loud. I'm scared of how Daddy will take the news. What if he hurts Finn?

Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly, trying to relieve her stress. The last thing she wanted was a miscarriage. Ever since it occurred to her that she was pregnant, she wanted nothing more than to have Finn's baby. How Finn felt about it was unknown to her, but no matter what, she was having this baby.

"So, Finn, you can get on board or get out of my way," she thought aloud.

Deciding to take it easy the rest of her day, she took a walk outside in the woods and enjoyed the sunshine.

Little did she know, a pair of stone cold eyes watched her as she hiked through the woods, seemingly not a care on her mind.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

Joe's phone rang and he immediately answered it upon seeing that it was Ella.

"Hi, baby, what's up," he greeted.

"Miracle says she has some important news to tell us and she wants to do it in person. Can you get a flight to Nashville tonight after the show?"

"Of course," Joe answered. "I'm off for the next two days anyway. What's this news about? Did she say?"

"No she wouldn't say. I'm going to try to get it out of her before you come if that's okay with you. It has me worried, I can't lie."

"It's fine. As long as she tells me as soon as I get there," he reasoned.

"I'll talk to you later. I need to get me and Nathan packed and get to our flight."

"Okay, I will see you when I get there. I love you, Ella."

"I love you too."

The two hung up and Joe went about his business of getting ready for the show, his mind full of worry now.

"What could be such important news," he wondered, lacing up his boots.

"News about what," Finn asked from nearby, eager to hear anything about Miracle.

"None of your concern," Joe replied with a glare. He'd still not fully forgiven Finn for his aiding in Miracle being hurt, even though he did save her life. "Family business."

"Is she okay," Finn demanded. "Really, Joe. I need to know."

Joe puffed out a sigh, "She's fine as far as we know." He glanced up at Finn then. "And thanks for telling us about her attacker sending her flowers. I doubt she would have ever told us. The only reason I didn't go drag her back here is because she has a point. The guy doesn't know where she's living right now, he did when she was in Orlando."

"I still think she'd be safer here. With us," Finn retorted.

"Well, she happens to disagree," Joe shot back. "At the first sign of any danger I'll bring her back, you can bet on that."

"She's a plane ride away," Finn grumbled under his breath. "How in the world would we get to her in time?"

Joe shot him another glare, but said nothing.

Even though Finn's instinct was to go find Miracle and drag her back with him-caveman style-he tried his best to ignore those instincts. They would only push Miracle away further.

"She's got to come back sometime," he thought out loud. "She's got to."

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[fereldanwench]

I'm going to be obnoxious and presumptuous and tell everyone how to live their lives because I feel like the Cyberpunk 2077 fandom* has an endemic problem with this self-imposed expectation to post new ~*content*~ on a regular basis that is just not sustainable for like 95% of us. And as someone who has also, unfortunately, grappled with that anxiety even though I know it's silly, I feel compelled to tell everyone (myself included) to stop doing that to themselves and slow the fuck down.

(*Probably other fandoms, too--I have many, many Thoughts™ on how ~*content creator*~ culture has had detrimental effects on fandom on the whole, but that's a broader topic for another time.)

Participating in fandom is a hobby, not a grind. No one is going to be upset with you for letting your queue run out or missing a themed day. Nobody expects anyone to have multiple original posts on a daily basis. Your friends aren't going to forget you if you need to take a break. There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty or stressed because a real-life obligation has to take priority over a hobby.

Recognize the ebb and flow of your creativity so you don't burn yourself out. Give yourself the time and space to work on long projects and learn new skills, even if that can't come with regular updates. Let yourself be in the moment while you create. Savor your art--Stop asking yourself "What do I post next?" immediately after you finish a project. Take pride and joy in the work you've already made without wondering how you can make your next post even better.

Understand your limitations and accept that others might not have the same limitations you have. Someone who is single and unemployed is going to have more time to dedicate to learning virtual photography than someone with a family and a full-time job. Someone with chronic fatigue is going to have a harder time churning out fic than someone without that condition. Don't compare your output to someone else's. We all have different creative processes, different backgrounds and skills, and different demands on our time and energy.

What works for me to break out of this mindset might not work for everyone, but these are the 3 main things I find helpful to keep me from succumbing to the darkness:

Intentionally break a streak Have you been posting every single Thirsty Thursday for the past 6 months but are having a hard time keeping up currently and feeling stressed about breaking the streak? BREAK IT. Skip one. Even if you have a post, schedule it for the following week. It'll feel wrong at first, but on Friday you'll realize it didn't matter, your friends are still here, and you will no longer be beholden to this inconsequential posting requirement that exists only in your head.

Revisit old posts/drafts/WIPs/outtakes Go through your old stuff! Let yourself enjoy what you made in the past. Reblog it so new friends and followers can see it. Remember what it was like to work on it and the sense of accomplishment when you finished it and what you learned from it. You might even get a bonus and find yourself inspired to revisit an idea or create a new take on it.

It's an obnoxious cliche at this point, but yes: touch grass Online fandom spaces have been a cornerstone of my social and creative circles for over two decades, so I am not by any means suggesting that there is no value in spending a lot of time here. But you absolutely need to take breaks from your devices and reconnect with the physical world or you will go nuts. Go for a walk, spend a day outside with friends or your pets, pick up a tangible craft like coloring books or journaling--Just find something to get you away from your computer and phone.

tl;dr - Creating in fandom should be fun and enjoyable and a reprieve from all of this shit, not an extension of it. There's absolutely no reason to put this burden on yourself to be some superfan posting new work 37 times a week. If you're in the zone and you've got that flow, roll with it, of course, but don't feel like it always has to be like that because it won't be. And that is completely fine.

[diary-of-a-recovering-party-girl]

What am I so afraid of feeling? [22.01.2024]

my screen time is crazy these days. I feel like I want to pick up my phone every minute I possibly can and whenever I'm doing anything that even remotely allows for multi-tasking, however bad it may work, I'm whipping out my computer and putting on jersey shore or YouTube or anything, anything else to fill the second of silence asap. it has gotten to the usual point of watching things I'm not even really interested in, watching long true crime videos just because they are long, watching videos about politics even though I know they will. upset me, consuming content and content KNOWING that the more I consume, the worse I feel.

why is that? what feelings are so big and scary that I need to run away from them this far?

I want to put them out here, to bleed them out on paper, to let them soak the pages and leak on the floor, to see the mess I made and be Happy I made it. to shine the bright lamp right in the middle of my emotions, to rip open the wounds and watch the organs under them helplessly bleed feelings onto my skin.

the first feeling that comes to my heart is sadness that I'll never scream something at a protest and mean it. if something serious happens, I'm too hurt and emotional to even acknowledge it. if it's something not about life or death, some more low key political matters, I feel ridiculous for protesting about them. I can't take anything serious, not myself, not politics, not horrible things happening. Gaza, lol. if i think too much about it and actually feel sad, I shut myself down to protect myself from getting too emotional. why? do I thibk I couldn't handle feelings that don't have a constant undertone of nihilistic Irony to them!? is really any feeling that isn't sarcastic ridiculous to me? I haven't been much on 4chan yet I clearly spent too much time there.

I know I have real emotions because I csn clearly feel them at times. but somehow, they scare me, enough to suppress them to a point that I can't even realize them anymore. I'm scared to be vulnerable by being emotional. to have people comment and talk about My emotions and them being right. to look hurt because I am. happiness, however naiive or fake it may be, protects me from peoples reactions to my sadness, from their concerned looks and their empathetic faces, from their hugs that are too tight and their questions that go too deep. I keep people away with a smile.

that was a good first emotion to discover.

and then when I dig deeper I discover another feeling. I'm so hurt and upset by c ghosting me for weeks again. I Love this girl so much and I want to keep her as a friend but this is Really really hurtful and idk what to do with it. she doesn't answer me for weeks, the last time we met in person was in October for like 4hours before her boyfriend got back to work and I MISS HER. I miss her when I could actually talk to Her, call her, meet her, when wed do things together and she'd be there more than once every 2 months. I had the best festival experience ever with her and all the other things we did together and now I miss her so so bad and she's not answering my old texts, neither my birthday invitation and I feel like she's not gonna come to my birthday like last year again. I don't know what happened, in 2022 we were all good but since then, since _something_ she got like this. I don't understand what happened and I just want to be her friend again and this HURTS. I don't want to go through another friendship breakup. they hurt more than any dating /romantic breakup ever did.

[duskwoodgirl4life]

The Night Stalker

Chapter 4

Jake grabbed hold of MCs arms he didn't need too ask what was wrong, the look in her eyes said it all. She pulled away slightly and looked into his eyes the only place she felt safe was in Jake's arms. Jake walked her back over too the bed and sat her down he took a look at the contents of the box and card.

MC: he's never going too stop is he?

Jake: if he knows what's good for him he will

MC: are you any closer too finding who he is?

Jake: I called in some favours last night let me just check my laptop.

Jake reached over and grabbed his laptop he typed away moving from page too page when he got a notification pop up he clicked on it and read the message.

MC: Jake what is it?

Jake: I now know who is behind this

MC: who is it Jake? Please I have too know

Jake: I don't know how too say this

MC: Jake!! Please just tell me

Jake: okay, it's Alan bloomgate

MC froze unable too move her mouth dropped open, her hands started too tremble. She started too lose control Jake grabbed hold of her and held her close.

MC: what am I going too do? I don't get why he's doing this

Jake: I will find out, I'm going too hack into his computer and see what I can find

Jessy could hear MCs crys and came into the door a look of concern on the redheads face, she came over too MC and sat down next too her on the bed.

Jessy: what's happened?

MC: Alan bloomgate

Jessy: what do you mean....no it can't be

Jake: I'm afraid it is

Jessy: what are we going too do? We can't go too the police now

Jake: don't worry I'm going too hack his computer, but I need too go get the rest of my stuff out of storage.

MC: can I come with you

Jake: of course, i won't leave your side

Jake kissed MC softly on the lips and gave her a hug, he took hold of her hand and grabbed his phone and keys.

Jessy: while your getting your stuff I'll sort out my office you can set up in there

Jake: thanks Jessy

MC: oh wait what about the others they are coming round?

Jessy: don't worry about them I'll put them off for now

MC gave Jessy a hug and left with Jake too get his stuff but just as they were about too leave there was a knock at the door. The knock made MC jump and grab hold of Jake.

Jessy: I'll go see who it is, Jessy looked through the peep hole too see who it was

Jake: who is it Jessy?

Jessy: I don't know I can't see anyone

Jessy opened the door slowly there was another box this time a much larger box Jake picked it up and put it down on the table. When he opened it up inside was a dozen red roses under the roses was more photos. Each photo was of MC back in New York some where of her coming and going from her apartment. Others where of her in the park with friends but the worst was yet too come as there was one of MC inside her apartment.

Jake: right Jessy you look after MC I will be back as quickly as I can

Jessy: don't worry I'll look after her

MC: I can't take this anymore he was inside my apartment

Jake: I will find him and I will kill him for what he's done

Jake kissed MC softly and left too go get the rest of his equipment, an hour later Jake had returned with the rest of his stuff. He soon set it all up and was hard at work moving from screen too screen typing away.

Jake: I've done it

MC: what have you don't?

Jake: I've got into his computer now I need too find out what he's got on here.

Jake went through every file on the computer there was nothing of importance until he stumbled across a locked file. It didn't take him long too break his way into the file.

Once Jake had it unlocked he took a look inside, he couldn't believe what he was seeing. His hand clenched into a fist banging it hard into the desk.

MC: what is it Jake? What have you found

Jake: oh it's nothing don't worry about it

MC: Jake, please I need too know

Jake: I don't want you seeing these pictures, I need too protect you

MC: but you are doing, if you wasn't here right now if be complete mess.

Jake showed MC the photos every single one was of MC sleeping in her bed, he even had ones of her sleeping naked when the weather was really warm.

MC: Jake..I feel sick he makes me feel sick too my stomach, how did he get in my apartment with out me knowing?

Jake: have you noticed anything different in your apartment?

MC: like what?

Jake: I think he might of been putting something in your bottle of water

MC: how could he of done that they are sealed

Jake: look at the photo, the angle that he's taken it you can see a small hole in the bottle lid, he's been drugging your water.

The shock too over MCs body and she collapsed on the floor.

[starkslove101]

CHAPTER 16: “I’ve seen it all before and I can’t take it anymore” 

DISCLAIMER: Minors DNI. This chapter contains some adult content and fighting. If this upsets you in any way please skip this chapter;

Ransom.

"Excuse me, what?" Tony choked on his drink. He put his glass back on the table and I gave him a tissue to wipe his mouth with.

"You remember that day, right? That first day that we uncovered project freedom?" Tony nodded and shifted uncomfortably in his chair. I didn't like to think about it either but Project Freedom might hold the answers I'm looking for.

"Maybe my father mentioned it in his letters I'll go check if J.A.R.V.I.S. has a hit" He got up and went down to his lab again. I decided to follow him down to see. Maybe he does find something and I don't wanna be far behind.

I was thinking off Fury. He might have answers too. But there was no way Tony would let me go out alone.

Maybe I could get Nick to come here?

I sat back down in my seat and grabbed my phone.

"I need a favour" I texted him.

I wasn't sure if he was going to text me back. He's a busy man after all. But he still owed me a favor for the pain he caused me.

"Ransom, you've got to see this" Tony's voice sounded worried.

"What's wrong?" I walked to his desk and stood down next to him. He grabbed the monitor and turned to me. J.A.R.V.I.S. found a hit in one of Howard's letters. MATCH FOUND it said on his computer screen. As I looked it was a letter from 1973. I was scared to see what J.A.R.V.I.S. found. As I started reading it, I had to sit down. The revelations made my brain melt.

Ransom, I hope this letter finds you well, I must admit, I'm not entirely sure where or when you are. Time and space are special things, especially when one is searching for someone as elusive as you. I've recently discovered that there is someone out there, someone with the power to travel time and space, who is actively looking for you. However, the answer as to why he's looking for you remains a mystery to me, but it has prompted me to look for answers myself. In the hopes, that I can still help you. During my investigations, I uncovered pieces of information that have left me speechless: the existence of a powerful family from a hidden country known as Avelora. It's a place that has been hidden away from the world for centuries. Much like Wakanda. I have not yet managed to pinpoint its location, but I am determined to find it. If I cannot reach you in time, I want you to know that I will entrust this mission to my son, Tony. You might have met him. I hope he's everything I hope him to be. He is a brilliant and resourceful young boy, and I have no doubt that he will stop at nothing to assist you in locating Avelora. Together, you will unravel the mysteries that surround this land. But I must caution you, Ransom, there is another name that has surfaced in my investigations The name is Malik. I do not have enough information to determine whether he is a friend or foe, but it is crucial that you remain vigilant and exercise caution. He's a very dangerous man. He has taken out armies, and Shield teams. I am not sure of what else he's capable of. I understand that this letter may raise more questions than it answers, but time is of the essence, and I had to reach out to you urgently. Please be on your guard, trust in Tony, and remember that you are not alone in this journey. I wish you the best of luck, Ransom, and I hope that we will reunite soon, so we can face this mysterious threat together. Yours, Howard Stark

I sat down and looked at Tony with big eyes. "Now, before you start yelling at me I know nothing" he raised his hands. "My father either forgot to tell me or he died before he could" I sighed. I didn't know what to do.

"So, what now?" I looked at Tony, hoping he'd know what to do or just simply give me an answer. He was sadly as lost as I was.

The room was earily silent. I laid back on the couch my head laying on the backrest of the seat, looking up at the ceiling.

The silence was killing me so i just blurted: "I texted Fury" Tony sat up gave me a look, right now I wished I had stayed silent.

"You did what?!" his voice echoed through the room and I winced.

"He might have some answers" I whispered. It wasn't a normal thing for him to raise his voice at me.

"You do remember that that he almost had you kidnapped and hurt you, right?" I looked away. "I do" I said softly. Tony bit the inside of his cheek as I was fiddling with my fingers again. Even though I was uncomfortable I didn't let go. "Fury knows more, I can feel it" I tried to steady my voice.

I couldn't look him in the eye however. Making all my efforts to stay strong worthless. I just made a familiar sense of fear boil up. Tony sighed loudly as he twisted left to right on his chair. "I'm sorry" my voice broke. Tony's head jerked up by the sound of my voice breaking. His face full of guilt.

He had the right to be mad at me. I just didn't have any options left. I just wanted to find out the truth. I was angry and disappointed that no one could or would give me the answers I was looking for. I kept wondering what Howard would say to all off this. Didn't he tell me to protect me? I knew for sure that is what he would tell me.

Tony stood up, crouched down and grabbed my face into his hands. Wiping the tears from my face. "I shoudn't have yelled" his grip was so tight around my face. I fell into his grip and completely broke down.

This breakdown hiding more behind it then I'd like to admit...

*6 months ago*

The city and it's people were still lingering in what had happened just a fews hours ago. Meanwhile Steve and I made our way to a temporary safehouse just a little bit outside the city.

Both of us silent and worn out from fighting. The only noise we heard were the birds chirping and our boots on sliding against the gravel.

My ears were ringing from all the noise I had to hear for hours and my eyes were burning from all the dust. Steve was carrying our bags. We had an argument about it before we left. I had all this anger and nowhere to go with it.

I didn't want to be here, certainly not with Steve. At least not right now.

Steve jugled the keys between his fingers. As he dropped our bags on he ground as soon as he opened the door. He looked at me me and gestured to me to walk inside. "Thanks" my voice soft. I really wasn't looking forward to this.

"Where do you want the bags?" Steve asked, his voice deep and stern. As Steve went to the bedroom, I decided to take a look around the house. It was a small house. It had a big Dining table, not to far from the kitchen.

I put the headpiece on the table and then made my way to the livingroom. It had two three person couches and a one person chair, close to the fireplace. It was a cosy and warm. The imagining of the warm fireplace made me long for a shower.

Since Steve wasn't back yet, I decided to inspect the rest of the house. It had a similar style to the rest. As I made my way through the house I found myself standing infront of the bedroom. Feeling a sense of familiarity as Steve stood there staring at the wall. He had no shirt on. "Hi" I sighed softly. Steve didn't move an inch. He kept staring up at a painting on the wall.

He hummed. "Can I use the bathroom?" I asked, shifting uncomfortably on my feet. Steve turned around.

"It's empty" His voice deep and stern. I sighed.

"Right" I went for my bag and grabbed some clothes. As I got to the bathroom and stripped of my clothes and hopped in the shower. It took awhile for the water to warm up. When it finally did warm up, I relaxed and let the water wet my hair. It felt nice after a very long day.

I closed my eyes and lowered my head and I let the water just glide over my body. My hair completely covering my face. I jumped up when Steve got in the shower and wrapped his hands around my waist. I pushed the hair out of my face.

"Steve wha-" He interrupted me.

"I'm sorry" I opened my mouth but I closed it again because I didn't know what to say to his sudden apologies. He kissed the crook of my neck. "For everything. I only did what I thought was right" he said, his voice desperate. I sighed and turned around, looking up at him. He grrabbed my face into his hands.

I bit my bottom lip. "It's okay" I finally said after a bit of silence. The bathroom was getting steamy and hot with the hot water running. Steve nodded, relieve all over his face. His face so close that my knees almost gave in.

"Please, let me show you how sorry I am" Before I could say anything, he closed the gap between us. My fingers tugging on the back of his head. His kisses trailed down to my collarbone, down to my breast. My head fell back and I leaned against the wall. Steve trailed further down, kissing my hip. "Steve" I whimpered as I felt his tongue against me.

His hands were wrapped tightly around my hips as his tongue moved up and down fast but still in a delicate way. I tangled my fingers in his blonde locks and slightly pulled at them, making him moan. The vibrations from the sound, sending a surge of pleasure through me.

A trail from of wet footsteps from the bathroom to the bedroom. The sheets and cushions were scattered all over the floor.

My legs were wrapped around his waist as he moved slowly. His head resting on the crook of my neck. Soft moans coming from him as I could feel his hot breath against my ear.

I moaned softly as I felt the pressure in my stomach rising. I dug my nails in his back, reaching my climax again. Steve followed soon after that.

He fell down on top of me, out of breath. He kissed my cheek and rolled of me, pushing away the hair sticking to his forehead.

I looked up at the ceiling trying to catch my breath. I knew it wasn't a good idea.

But I couldn't help it. I loved him...

*present day*

Tony's arms were wrapped around me. One of his hands rubbing my back. "I wasn't the one who broke up with Steve. He broke up with me" Tony's face turned into one big frown.

"Why the-" Tony started but stopped his curse.

However I had to admit, Steve wasn't fully to blame bit it still hurt.

"He doesn't know what he lost" Tony said, placing a kiss on the top op my head. I laid my head on his chest.

"You're not meeting Fury alone" Tony said, softly.

"I wasn't going to" I said, wiping my face with my hand.

Here we were cuddled up. Instead of it feeling good or romantic, we were filled with fear and uncertainty.

It was quiet for a while. "What happened? You just showed up on my doorstep 4 months ago and I still don't know what happened." Tony finally asked a bit desperate. I bit the inside of my cheek.

"I'm not sure if you want to hear this" I said.

"Try me"

*4 Months ago*

I was staring at the fireplace. The only noise I heard was coming from the wood burning and breaking. It felt so calming to look at it. My silence was broken however when Steve walked in. Multiple bags of groceries in his hands. "I tried to find some Ben and Jerry's but they were out. I'll go back tomorrow and get you som" Steve said. His voice echoed through the room. He seemed happy.

I my peace and quiet was interrupted. I just hummed as a response to his statement. I was tired and wanted to be alone. But I knew Steve. He will not leave me alone. "Are you okay?" Steve sat down beside me.

It's been a months. I hadn't left the house in a very long time. "Yeah, I'm doing great" I lied. So much guilt was eating at me. All I could think of was how I wanted to be with Tony. How I wanted to watch him work on his suits. Listen to him talk. I preferred someone else over my own boyfriend. Steve deserved better.

"I'm going to lay in bed. I'm tired" I said as I dodged his kiss. Steve frowned as he grabbed my arm.

"Are you sure?" I wrangled out of his grip and took a few steps back. Trying to get as much distance I possibly can.

"I just want to rest" I said and walked away. However, Steve walked after me.

"Ransom, If there's something I did or that I need to know please tell me" Steve sounded so desperate. He was trying everything to get me to talk. I just wanted to run away.

I looked up at him. His blue eyes soft and sad. My eyes were burning and my lip was quivering.

"I want to go home" I said, my voice breaking. Steve's shoulders slumped as he shook his head.

"This is home" I looked away. I bit my cheek. I felt anger and defeat. He didn't and wouldn't understand.

"God, Steve for someone who was raised by a single mother you're so clueless" I spit. He just shifted uncomfortably on his feet and put his hands in his pockets. "I want to go home. To my appartment and pick up my life again. Instead i'm stuck here" I said.

There wasn't much of a life to pick up from. My life had more questions than answers. Steve sighed in response. He had a sorry look on his face. "What do you want me to do?" his hand went through his hair pulling it back.

"Nothing" I sighed.  "I didn't ask for your help" I said. I wanted to go. I wanted to be everywhere but here.

"If you're still mad at me for what happened a month ago. I've aplogised a thousand times. I don't know what else to do" He said, his voice loud.

"No you don't understand I just want my life back!" I yelled back.

"What life?" His voice still loud but his words hit me like someone had thrown a bucket of icecold water of my head.

"E-Excuse me?" I stammered. I tried to get my shit together but I was litterally falling apart. And to make it worse he kept adding to it.

"Some life you have" he repeated again. "You're hunted, scared and you're crying all the time" steve's voice was loud. "And worst of all you don't even know who you are" Steve pointed to my heart. I looked at him, tears streaming down my face. The tears proving his point.

At this point every instinct in my body was wired and all i could feel was heat creeping over my body. Every bit of color in my eyes disappearing and  a bright orange glow appeared. 

Steve's body tensed up and fear crossed his face. All my worst fears have come true in just a matter of minutes.... I lost all control over my powers and Steve was terrified of me. I can't take all that.

However, Steve fought against his own instincts and stuck out his hands trying to grab me and calm me down but I took steps back. If he touched me now, he'd burn himself.

There was no other option for me than to run. Keep everyone safe and get myself as far away as I possibly could. I stumbled to the door. I took every ounce of my selfcontrol for me not to explode and turn everything to ash.

As I made my way through the door Steve yelled. "Ransom, i'm sorry. Please let's talk about this" he tried reaching for me but I was already up in the air flying. "let me help you. We can fix this" he pleaded. 

"We've done enough talking, Steve" I said crying. My tears falling to the ground. Steve looked down and then back up for one last time as he nodded. "We're done" he said. "I can't take this anymore" he whimpered. "Maybe stark can help you" he spit, tears streaming down his face.

He turned around and walked back inside leaving me there.

Steve was right. No matther what I thought or did, I'd always end up with Tony... 

Next part

[auzzyash]

Hello!

How are you guys doing? Recently, my Tumblr and a03 have been...inactive, to say the least. That's because I made a TikTok account, and I post almost everyday! I do The Security Breach Show content (no, not SaMS) that's mostly centered around Golden Freddy, since I think he doesn't get enough attention. However, my phone was recently taken away, and I can't access my TikTok from my computer, which is what I am using now. I won't have access to my phone for a while. Usually, when this happens, I just let it be and take a break from posting. But as all CBaGFS watchers know, there's a LOT of lore going on right now. A LOT. And it's gotten to a point where I can't just ignore it anymore. So, hi! Whenever I have my phone taken away, I'll post on my Tumblr instead! I hope you all are ready to hear my unhinged ramblings about Golden Freddy. I doubt that any of my TikTok followers will see this, but if you guys are, then just know that I'm doing the best I can within my current...life situation. If you want to check out my TikTok, then the link is below! DISCLAIMER: If you are a Gacha Anti/not a TSBS fan/only watch SaMS, LaES, and MGaFS, then DONT watch my content. It'll either confuse you, make you cringe, or both. https://www.tiktok.com/@auzzyash

[kimseokjin2024]

Irony with Jin - Vogue Korea

Past articles [2021.21.12]

The irony of Jin, a person who can become serious after all because he is not serious.

Jin's day without a schedule is roughly like this. I play games until 5:00 in the morning, fall asleep, and wake up around 2:00 in the afternoon. I lie in bed and stare blankly at the ceiling for about 3 hours, then check my phone and turn on the TV once in a while. I sit in front of the computer again and eat something when I feel hungry. When I'm full, I feel drowsy and go to bed naturally. To borrow Jin's expression, it's a day that's "excessive enough for someone to say that you lived a pitiful life." “I sent it like that yesterday.” As I said in the 2021 BTS FESTA 'Army Store', the criterion for satisfying yourself is how pathetically you spend the day. If yesterday was the day of enjoying the complete freedom of not having to do anything all day, today's shoot is the exact opposite. “It was the best schedule in a while. After watching TV yesterday, I lay down for about 2 more hours, played games for 5 hours, and fell asleep around 2-3 am? And here I am. I think I need some compensation today.”

I mean, he's probably playing games or meeting a really close friend or two after his schedule is over. And the next day he would be stretched out as much as he wanted. He seems to be spontaneous enough to call himself 'a man who does what he likes', but in fact he is a man with his own rules. Just look at your belief in rest. “I think the word rest has changed these days. I think rest is entirely for yourself. Even free time should be called building specs, but you're trying to do something useful. But I am a person who believes in the usefulness of useless things. In the eyes of others, I think you need to have a useless day so you can focus more on useful things.” Ironically, since Jin knows the value of 'excess' time, I think it could be said that he is a person who is faithful to his daily life. “It’s all like ‘to gain momentum’ (laughs).”

Suffice it to say, this interview should be read while imagining Jin's voice. No matter what the content is, it mixes an innocent tone that seems to tell the most interesting story in the world, a playful yet confident tone of voice, and a unique laugh called the 'glass-wiping sound' in between. Most of the jokes were exchanged throughout the interview. There is a peculiar corner of his jokes, which is that there is no back side. It doesn't feel like a defense mechanism to hide the sincerity, like people who usually carry on a conversation only with jokes, but it sounds moderately calm and lively, and moderately sincere. “Hey, I’m a flower boy. I don't subtract these things” and “Um… It is a way of saying in the same tone, “I don’t know where the boundaries of my work are.”

“I hate the serious atmosphere. Whenever such an atmosphere forms, I try to lighten it up.” We have already seen creative humor and the 'father-in-law gag' that Jin loves in numerous programs and contents. And this man, who gets energy from making others laugh, answered more firmly than ever when asked if there were any moments where he became serious except on stage. “Not really (laughs). Usually, when a serious person and a lighthearted person have a conversation, one of them is attracted. In most cases, it becomes a serious atmosphere in the end, but I am not like that. There is a serious person in our company, and even when I talk to the manager, he jokes about 20 out of 30 minutes. If this guy is too serious and I don't think he'll fit in with me, he'll walk away quickly.”

So instead of sitting face-to-face and discussing individual anguish, anxiety, and future in a nice way according to the given time, we chose to have a light, pleasant, and a little trivial conversation. When asked why he was so reluctant to be serious, Jin gave informal answers like “Because it’s not fun (laughs)” or “It’s the same in interviews and conversations with friends.” “My main job is a singer, but the boundaries of my work are very vague. I have to do the stage, I have to take a pictorial like today, and there is also a content shoot. In the work itself, of course, I am serious. But until the boundaries of my work are clear, I can't specifically say 'when I'm serious'. Except on stage, I spend 80-90% of my time joking around.” And this time, too, the lightness that seemed useless worked usefully in the end. “I think having fun is one of the driving forces for me to work without getting tired.”

Jin's philosophy of 'fun' is one of the factors that made BTS a unique superstar. BTS has a friendliness differentiated from other superstars. It means that I feel like a person living in the same world as me, not a distant heroic existence that seems to be wandering somewhere in the universe. When we see them still exchanging silly pranks with the messages they send in music as well as entertainment programs and interviews, we feel a similar sympathy to that of the early days of their debut 8 years ago. (The scale has grown, so the impression is several times greater.) Jin plays a big role in BTS' unrivaled chemistry. Despite being the eldest member of the team, he is regarded as the most ideal 'eldest (eldest hyung like the youngest)' who gets along with his younger siblings without hesitation and holds the center without any hesitation. It is no exaggeration to say that Jin's ability to neutralize any situation with a carefree attitude is the main pillar of BTS' human charm. But Jin is saying this in front of me. “No, I’m a person who doesn’t have much to do and isn’t particularly good at anything. People around me never think so, but… Even if I bring this up, how can I say that? You say that you have done something amazing, but I still have a hard time accepting it. If someone asks me what makes me better than others, there's nothing much to say other than 'I'm BTS'.”

Really, will it still be? Even now, when lacks space to enumerate the achievements of BTS? No matter how much Jin emphasizes that, we will have no choice but to ask back every time, but Jin is honest anyway. Now, without filtering what he thinks and feels, he bluntly reveals it. The fact that he can confidently say that he's 'worldwide handsome' wherever he goes in the world, and on the other hand, that he doesn't take it too seriously in an interview and reveals his inner side of a twist are all proofs of his high self-esteem. “Actually, there are many people who are more handsome than me. 'Worldwide handsome' is a word that is thrown lightly to make others laugh (laughs). It is true that there are many people who sing and dance better than me. It’s just that other people see me better than the real me, so I really want to be that way, so I’m working hard.” And such honesty becomes the driving force of healthy narcissism, and eventually is replaced by unaffected positivity. “Everyone has a field they are born with. I think it's my ability to quickly forget something bad or when I'm having a hard time mentally.” There was no special secret to his affirmation, but there was a clear answer. "hmm… If you are faithful to your daily life, you will naturally forget about it and move forward.”

It's hard to imagine now, but at the beginning of his debut, Jin was a member of few words. With the image of a 'cold handsome' and 'ice prince', the lyrics of the title song 'Fire' from the album released in 2016, "Live as you like, it's yours anyway, don't try hard, it's okay to lose" stimulated him. It is a famous anecdote that things started to change little by little after receiving them. It means that he realized the truth, like a tax on fame, that "the people you like will like it anyway, and the people you won't like will hate it." “In the past, there was a distinction between Jin of BTS and Seokjin Kim as a person, but it is not like that anymore. I just feel like I live in real life the way I do on TV.” Looking at the past, Jin said that he thought, 'Why did I live like that?' “There must have been a direction I wanted to live in.”

It is never easy to live the life you want and not for someone else. Especially if you are one of the most famous people in the world, receiving attention and expectations from all over the world. So now he is faithfully fulfilling the goals he set for 2020. It's 'living without thinking'. “It is by no means an easy goal. It sounds like a lot of random thoughts. Tomorrow I have to do this, the day after tomorrow I have other things… My original inclination itself hates planning. I have to keep my plan first, but it's difficult, so I tend to do things spontaneously, whether it's a trip or something. It would be right to set up a big framework for my life, but I'm avoiding detailed plans. Because my head hurts (laughs).” Jin spoke clearly in a joke-like tone until the end. “I wonder if I’m a little happier these days because I live without thinking.”

The irony of Jin — lighthearted yet serious and insightful.

A typical day off for Jin goes something like this: He falls asleep after playing computer games until 5 a.m. and finally wakes up at 2 p.m. Then he stays in bed and stares blankly at the ceiling for about three hours, occasionally checking his phone or turning on the TV and flipping through the channels. Eventually, he sits in front of the computer again, and he eats something when hunger strikes. After eating, he feels drowsy and heads back to bed. To borrow Jin’s expression, this is a day that is “excessively lazy, and that some might say is a bit pathetic.”

“I spent yesterday like that,” Jin admits. As he explained at the ARMY Corner Store during the 2021 BTS FESTA event, the best days are those that are most thoroughly idled away. If yesterday was all about the freedom to lounge around, today’s Vogue shoot is the exact opposite. “Today’s schedule is the tightest ever,” Jin remarks. “Yesterday, I watched TV and stayed in bed for two more hours and played games for five hours and maybe fell asleep at two or three in the morning. Then I came straight here. I think I need a reward today.”

So, it is likely that Jin played computer games or met one or two close friends after our interview, idling the time away as he likes to. He appears to be spontaneous — he describes himself as “someone who does whatever he feels like” — but he actually lives according to very clear rules. Take, for example, his ideas about rest. “The meaning of the word ‘rest’ seems to have changed,” he says. “I think that resting should be entirely selfish. However, a lot of people try to do something useful in their free time, like something that will help them pad out their résumé. But I believe that uselessness is useful! I believe that you need to have days that other people consider wasteful, to be able to focus more on useful things later.” Ironically, Jin can commit himself more to his regular work routine because he appreciates the value of “lazy time.” “You know the saying: ‘I bend my knees only to jump higher’” he says with a laugh.

Much is lost from Jin’s words when they are recorded and transcribed. Imagine hearing his childlike enthusiasm — it’s like he’s telling the most interesting story in the world, regardless of the topic. His voice has a playful yet confident tone, and he punctuates his remarks with distinctive squeaks of laughter (once described as “the sound glass makes when being cleaned”). We joke throughout the interview. He has a unique sense of humor, and everything is out in the open. His jokes are delivered nonchalantly, cheerfully and sincerely, certainly not as a defense mechanism or to cover up insecurity, as with people who joke endlessly to hide what they really feel. Statements like “Of course I’m handsome — I don’t feel the need to deny this” and “Um … My work kind of lacks clear boundaries” are all delivered in the same tone.

“I hate it when there’s a serious atmosphere. When people are too serious, I always try to lift the mood,” Jin explains. Through Jin’s appearances on entertainment programs and the like, we are familiar with Jin’s creative humor and his penchant for ajae gag (dad jokes). Asked whether he ever acts in a serious manner besides when performing, this fellow who thrives on stirring up laughter answers with total conviction. “Never,” he says with a chuckle. “Usually, when a serious person and a jovial person have a conversation, one of them gives in. Usually, the conversation ends up becoming serious, but with me, it’s different. One of our staff members is very serious, but when I talk to him, we usually just joke around. If someone is too serious and I feel we can’t get along, then I just start avoiding them as soon as possible.”

So, rather than covering heavy topics like personal anguish, anxiety and the future, we opt instead for a light, pleasant conversation about trivial things. When I ask him why he can’t stand a serious atmosphere, Jin answers straightforwardly, remarking, “Because it’s no fun” and “I’m always like this, whether being interviewed or just talking with friends.” Jin clarifies, “My main role is as a singer, but the boundaries of my work are blurry. I do stage performances, photo shoots like today’s and also many other shoots. Of course, I take my work very seriously. However, until the boundaries of my work become clear, I can’t specifically tell you when I’m being serious. Except when I’m on stage, 80 to 90% of my time is spent joking around.” Yet what at first glance seems like levity pure and simple turns out to have a purpose. “I think having fun is one of the things that makes it possible for me to work without burning out,” Jin reveals.

Jin’s philosophy of fun is one of BTS’ unique points. BTS are much more down-to-earth and familiar than many other superstars. That is, they come across as normal people living in the same world as us rather than as distant superhuman beings from another planet. Seeing the messages they send and the way they goof around during TV appearances and interviews, we get the same impression of them as we did when they debuted eight years ago. (And their enormous success since then only makes this more charming.) Jin plays a big role in BTS. Nicknamed Mannae (an oldest child who acts like the youngest), he is considered to be an ideal senior groupmate. He gets along with the other members while at the same time helping to maintain harmony.

Indeed, Jin’s ability to smooth over any situation in a carefree manner is at the heart of BTS’ charm. And yet Jin insists, “No, I’m not very good at anything, and I don’t excel at anything. Those around me don’t agree, but … Whenever I say this, they’re either appalled, or they try to convince me that I’ve accomplished amazing things. But I still have a hard time accepting that. If someone asked me what my talents were, I wouldn’t have much to say except, ‘I’m a member of BTS.’”

Is this really still the case? Even now, when we would run out of space in Vogue if we listed all of BTS’ achievements? It is hard not to question Jin’s assertion, but at least he is frank. He transparently reveals what he is thinking and feeling. His confidence in saying that he is “handsome wherever he goes in the world” and, conversely, revealing his insecurities without making much of them reveals a healthy sense of self-esteem.

“Plenty of people are more handsome than me. ‘Worldwide Handsome’ is a joke I like to make for laughs,” he says with a laugh of his own. “And there are many people who can sing and dance better than me. I just try hard to achieve a better version of myself, which other people seem to see in me.” This sort of frankness turns into healthy self-love and, eventually, into unaffected positivity. “Everyone is born with a certain talent, right?” he asks. “I think mine is the ability to quickly forget negative things that have happened and recover from mental fatigue.” As to the source of his positive mindset, Jin says, “Well … If you go about your daily routine faithfully, you’ll soon be able to forget and move on.”

It is hard to imagine now, but in BTS’ early days, Jin had little to say. However, Jin gradually began shedding his image as “the ice prince” after being affected by a line from the song “Fire,” from the BTS album The Most Beautiful Moment in Life: Young Forever , released in 2016: “Live however you want, it’s your life. Stop trying, it’s OK to lose.” He began to realize that “There will always be some people who love you and some who don’t” and that criticism is something all celebs have to deal with. “In the past,” he says, “I used to separate Jin, the BTS member, from the human being Seokjin Kim (Jin’ s birth name), to some extent. But now I don’t. How I come across on TV is how I live my life.” Jin says that looking back at his past self makes him wonder, “Why did I live like that?” However, he concedes, “I must have had some idea about how I wanted to live.”

It is not easy to live your life the way you want to without giving in to outside pressure — especially if you are one of the most famous people in the world, receiving attention from fans across the planet and having to meet their expectations. Now, Jin is steadily working toward the goal he set in 2020 — “living without thinking.” “It’s definitely not an easy goal,” Jin explains, “because you’re filled with trivial thoughts, like ‘I have to do this tomorrow, I have to do that the day after tomorrow’ … I’ve always disliked planning. If you make a plan, you have to stick to it, but I find this difficult, so I tend to be spontaneous, whether going on a trip or whatever. You need to have a framework in your life, but I try to avoid making detailed plans. My head hurts,” he says with a laugh. Joking until the very end, Jin concludes, “I think I’m a little happier these days because I’m living without thinking.”

Source: Vogue

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 19 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

We won our last away game, our first win of the season and while all the guys on the team were happy about that, I was happier about being able to go back home.

We didn't get back to campus until late Saturday night.

I was exhausted from travel, yet still too wired to fall asleep.

Kyle came back into the room around two in the morning and I was still lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.

Kyle left the light off as he moved through the room, assuming I was asleep.

"You can turn the light on," I said, glancing over at him.

"Oh, you're awake."

The light turned on and I squinted at Kyle as my eyes adjusted.

"Yeah," I said, groaning as I stretched out.

"Can't sleep."

"Well, at least you have all day tomorrow to just chill out," he said, moving toward his closet to change.

I looked away from him, staring back at the ceiling.

"Unless... you're going to Stella's tomorrow right?"

I looked over at him now that he was dressed.

"I was planning on it."

With the hope of Wren being there.

I didn't know when I started hoping to see Wren.

Whenever it changed from hoping to avoid him to hoping to see him was lost on me.

I wasn't going to think too much about it.

"I would go but I have other plans," Kyle said.

"And I was just hanging out with her today."

"At her place?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"With Jess and... Wren? And James."

"Just Stella, Jess and James," he replied.

"James said Wren was watching porn or something."

"He's just always working on his computer," I said and mentally cursed at myself.

I shouldn't care about what Wren was doing and I definitely shouldn't be explaining his actions to my roommate so he wouldn't think he was some weird porn addict.

Kyle just shrugged and turn the light off, using his cell-phone light to guide him over to his bed before climbing in.

It wasn't until around four in the morning that I actually fell asleep and it wasn't for long.

I was awake by eight, my internal clock deciding for me that I couldn't sleep in.

I quietly got out of bed and got changed for my run, seeing the running pants Wren had let me borrow as I rummaged through my drawer.

I should've returned those to him by now.

After getting changed, I left the dorm and started on my running route.

My mind was everywhere as I went through campus.

There were very few people out at this time, most of the student body probably having been out all night the night before.

I hadn't even remembered to bring my head-phones but that didn't bother me like I thought it would.

Listening to the birds chirping, the water running, the wind blowing the leaves around, it was peaceful.

I was almost at the coffee shop when I saw a familiar face running my way.

I slowed down to a stop, meeting him in the middle.

It surprised me that he even stopped, taking both his air- pods out of his ears.

"Hi," I greeted breathlessly.

"Hi," Wren replied with a grin.

"Did you miss me?"

I rolled my eyes.

"You wish."

"It seems like you did," Wren said.

"You're making that up."

Wren shrugged.

"Maybe I am."

It was hard trying to deny my attraction to him anymore.

He looked good, he always did.

Especially in this state where he was slightly breathless and sweaty, putting all sorts of images in my head.

Wren looked me up and down and it didn't even cause me to want to shrivel up and hide.

I wanted him to look at me.

I wanted to know that I wasn't the only one with this attraction.

He was a lot less shy about it, didn't care what I thought about him.

"Are you running to get a coffee?" I asked.

"We could... go there together or something. If you want."

I could practically feel the color rise on my cheeks and by the smug look on his face, I could tell Wren saw it too.

"I would love to and you know I would," Wren started.

"But I have to get going, I'm afraid. I'm very busy today."

"Oh."

"Yes. So I'll have to give you a rain check on that date."

I frowned at him.

"I wasn't asking you on a date. I was just saying..."

"I know what you were saying," he cut me off.

"You're cute when you're all pouty. I'll see you around," and with that, he was gone before I had time to even formulate a response.

I was not pouting, although, I did have to actively force myself to keep from frowning as I finished my run and headed into the coffee shop.

I didn't care if Wren didn't have time to come with me, I didn't.

Knowing him, he was probably just messing with me because I asked but I didn't care.

I could get coffee and sit in our usual spot without him.

Anthony was at the counter as usual when I walked in.

"Wren's not in yet," Anthony said as I walked up.

"Oh... um... yeah," I awkwardly replied.

"He's not coming, today."

"Oh," Anthony said, squinting in confusion.

"Okay. Do you want your usual?"

I nodded and gave Anthony my card to pay.

He tried it a couple times then looked up at me.

"It's declining," he said in a quiet voice.

"Oh shit," I said, digging into my pockets to find some cash.

Of course, I had none.

"Never mind then."

I turned to walk away just as Anthony called out to me.

"Don't worry about it. It's on me," he said sending the order through. The action made me uncomfortable.

I didn't want to be handed anything, especially not after my card embarrassingly declined over a four dollar cup of coffee.

"Nah, I'm all set," my voice was tight, as I tried not to snap at Anthony.

"Too late. I already put it through," he said with a grin.

I glared at him.

"Oh no, you're an angry customer because last time we fucked up your coffee. Here's one on the house to make up for it."

"I don't want anything for free," I said through gritted teeth.

"Then I'll just charge Wren for it next time he's in," Anthony said with a shrug.

"He deserves it for being so goddamn annoying."

I cringed at that and before I knew it, my name was being called out for my drink.

Anthony gestured toward the drink and I grabbed it, grumbling a 'thanks' before heading over to my usual table.

This time I sat in the seat that Wren usually occupied.

While the seat I usually sat in had my back to the rest of the coffee shop, Wren's seat had a view of the whole thing.

I wondered if he did that on purpose and sat here just analyzing everyone that walked in.

Maybe that was what he was obsessively working on on his computer every time he was in here, running notes on everyone he saw.

I sipped on my coffee while texting with Micah about hockey and school.

It went like most of our conversations which was just him obviously checking in on me but acting like that wasn't what he was doing and then saying he wished I called him more like he was my grandmother or something.

I appreciated Micah and everything he has done for me but he sometimes acted like more of a parent to me than anything.

To: Landon Reilly [Are you going to be at Stella's tonight?] From: Wren Ridley

To: Wren Ridley [I was thinking about it why] From: Landon Reilly

He didn't answer for a few minutes and I began to lose hope that he would.

Then as I finished my coffee, he replied.

To: Wren Ridley [Does it matter] From: Landon Reilly

To: Landon Reilly [I suppose not.] From: Wren Ridley

I wasn't going to ask him if he was going to be there.

He would have too much fun with that, with knowing that I wanted him there, that I wanted to see him.

That was the thing with Wren, if you amused him in anyway, he would take it and run with it.

He probably already knew anyway.

So, instead of answering Wren, I got up and threw out my cup, waving goodbye to Anthony as I left the coffee shop and walked back to campus to go to the fitness center.

I spent a couple of hours in there lifting weights and other exercises.

Once I was done in there, I went back to the dorm to shower and work on homework while I waited to go over to Stella's.

Stella messaged me the time she was having people over, so at around eight, I left my dorm and took the bus toward Brown University.

I got off at the campus and walked toward the dorm building, having to wait outside for a few minutes to go in behind somebody else when they unlocked the door.

I somehow remembered exactly where to go despite not having been there many times.

I slowly walked up the stairs, suddenly feeling anxious about the whole thing.

Anxious about being around people I didn't really consider friends, around people I didn't know... seeing Jess... seeing Wren.

I could have just turned around and gone back to campus.

No one there would even care if I actually showed up.

I could just leave, tell Stella something came up if she asked about it.

It's not like I'd be missed if I didn't show.

No one was relying on me to be there and if I didn't want to go I didn't have to but my feet continued carrying me up the steps, passing by other students who were on their way down looking like they were already drunk.

[stuhblogs]

Mental fatigue and new-found nostalgia

Over the past week I've been trying to focus more on myself and avoid what I have come to term as "information overload" and I've been trying to cut down on generally just bad over-stimulating internet and social media habits I've had for the past few years, generally just experimenting with being more mindful with my own mind, time and patience.

Typically I'd be super into reading a shit ton of news about technology and the animation industry and other things in this fancy macOS/iOS app called Reeder that puts all your RSS feeds into a really nice flashy modern feed that sort of feels like twitter and it's an amazing app honestly, probably one of my favourites but I think that ultimately binging the news cycle like that is ultimately just doing my mind no good, so I quit. I deleted the app from my phone and just hid it away somewhere on my Mac out of reach.

I was telling my partner about this and she seemed to get what I meant actually, she said she had a similar issue to a degree. She actually recommended me this Mac app called 1Focus and it's been fantastic for me, if a bit over the top; it more or less lets you just block any app or website on your Mac in any browser on a set timer but I've decided to just have those sites blocked 24/7 but it does it in a way where it kind of throws away the key and you cant really turn it off unless you literally forcibly close the app in macOS's activity monitor. It works great, but TOO great if you know what I mean, but I think ultimately thats a good thing. I WISH IT WAS ON IOS TOO.

Since trying this out I've actually been rediscovering some of my nerdier and information dense hobbies I used to love a lot when I was younger, mostly the retro computing and restoring/collecting side of YouTube and generally just watching less spam/attention grabbing content as a result and honestly staying out of the news cycle has made things refreshing and exciting for once.

And here I am now actually writing about what I'm doing for once. I think sometimes I just need a mental vacation from my usual for those that know me well, but to those who don't - Hello! Some of my favourite content from the past week:

[purplesurveys]

1733

1 - When you wake up, do you get up straight away or do you lie around in bed for a while? Unless I overslept and am extremely late to something, I'm horrible at waking up. I'm definitely the type to take my time before getting up.

2 - Who was the last person you video-called with? Have you done this more often since COVID hit? I don't usually do video calls with anyone but the last people I did one with were Angela and Reena. COVID didn't affect my video-calling habits whatsoever – I hated it before the pandemic, during, and still do.

3 - How many times a week do you go out for food or drink? On average? Less than one. I only do so a few times a month because I try to watch how much I spend.

4 - Do you prefer getting takeaway or actually sitting in a restaurant and eating your meal there? I like being in restaurants. Delivery is fine too but it will sometimes affects the quality of the food once it gets to me – like a burger arriving smushed or rice already being cold. It's convenient but has its downsides.

5 - Where’s your favourite place to get takeaway coffee (or whatever your drink of choice is)? I like Starbucks or any place with a Spanish latte.

6 - Do you tend to keep your phone on silent, vibrate or loud? Silent. I have work calls all day long and I know how irritating it gets when someone's phone goes off during these meetings, so I keep my own quiet.

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them annoyed you? What happened? Cooper caught a plastic bag earlier and ran away/went crazy with it. Happened this morning. Normally I would've chased him and thought of a trick to make him drop whatever's in his mouth, but I was already late for work so I just let him have his fun. I think my sister ultimately discarded the at-that-point-destroyed plastic once Cooper got bored from it.

8 - When was the last time you went into a bookshop? July – I had to pick up a book I pre-ordered.

9 - What was the last thing you ordered off Amazon? I have never even been on Amazon.

10 - When was the last time you took a dog out for a walk? Is this your own dog or did you borrow someone else’s? Couple of weeks ago. I only ever walk my own dogs.

11 - What jewellery do you have on at the moment? A necklace.

12 - Do you have any products in your hair right now? What are they? Nopes.

13 - Have you ever used a VPN to access foreign content online? No. I know I'm probably just being uneducated hahaha but the concept of a VPN just seems so sketchy to me. Like I feel like the moment I use one, the police will be at my ass. I've never used one before and not sure if I ever will.

14 - Who was the last artist you listened to? Is this someone you’re a fan of? That would be RM, and yes I'm a massive fan.

15 - What was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee.

16 - When was the last time you cooked something for the first time? Did it work out the way it was supposed to? I don't cook.

17 - Black cats are considered to be bad luck - is this a superstition that you’ve ever believed in? No. I don't believe in superstition.

18 - Would you ever eat blue cheese or do you find the idea of eating mould to be pretty repulsive? It's fine, but only in moderation. I also would not say it's my favorite.

19 - Do you visit the dentist every six months like you should? I visit every one or two months because braces.

20 - How old were you when you first used the internet? Was it dial-up or did you have access to proper broadband? We had initial access to the internet starting when I was 3, which was around the time my dad started to work abroad and email was the best way for my parents to regularly correspond. I didn't access the internet, though – there was not much a kid my age could do on the computer at the time.

I started using the interet regularly by the time I was 10, when my dad had a broadband set-up installed at home. The way it started wasn't even technically 'wi-fi' yet – we had to connect our laptop directly to the router if we wanted internet, so only one person could connect at a time. I don't remember when it changed but anyway, eventually, we started to get to enjoy wireless the same way we do now.

21 - Are you old enough to remember using floppy discs? I definitely am, but I never used one. I'm old enough to merely remember the concept.

22 - When was the last time you purchased an actual DVD or CD? I pre-ordered Layover last month.

23 - Do you shave? Which body parts and how often? Underarms and legs – once a week for both. I work from home and don't always schedule anything out, so there's no point in making it a daily routine. It was definitely different pre-pandemic though as I'd shave everyday.

24 - What’s your favourite season, and what are some of your favourite things about that season? I don't experience the four seasons so I've never had a favorite.

25 - When was the last time you burned yourself? I've had hot water droplets spill on me recently while making coffee, but I don't think I've ever burned myself any more badly than that.

26 - Have you ever been the victim of a theft or robbery? What was stolen? Did the police ever catch the person who did it? Never been.

27 - What was the last TV show you discovered that you really liked? What was it that got you to watch it in the first place? That would be DP! It's a K-drama that tackles bullying among many other issues within the country's mandatory military enlistment. I honestly first heard of it from Namjoon who had recommended it, but I found the plot in itself compelling so I didn't hesitate in starting.

28 - Have you seen any of the live-action Disney remakes? Which one is your favourite? What about your least favourite? I am not a fan of the concept at all. Maybe I'm jaded? maybe it's because I wasn't really raised on Disney as a kid? but the live-action thing never excited me and the hype has always felt...a tad bit inauthentic, like they're doing these remakes for the sole purpose of getting more money out of me. That said, I've never seen any of the remakes and don't really have plans to.

29 - Do you have any exciting plans for tomorrow? If not, how are you planning to spend your day? All I want to do is spend the entire day at home.

30 - Would you ever keep a working dog as a pet? Do you think it’s fair to keep dogs like huskies in flats when it’s so different to their natural environments? If I had a serious, valid need for one, I don't see why I wouldn't. As for the second question, I think adjusting your environment and providing stimulation for your dogs do go a long way. Huskies are very common in the Philippines – where our climate is humid and warm all-year long – but owners adjust by having them in air-conditioned rooms all day, making sure their water is iced, etc. Same nature of adjustments go for other breeds. It's only fair when you do your job as a pet owner.