#amatonormativity I fucking hate you

[saturnniidae]

Hi since it's aro-spec week I'd like to just highlight one of my absolute favorite things about httyd, from the viewpoint of an aromantic:

The importance it puts on platonic relationships.

The whole franchise is of course, centered around Hiccup and Toothless' bond. They're friendship is from the beginning built on unconditional trust. They care for each other so much. They are best friends, hey mean everything to each other and have a bond nothing else (even romantic relationships) could ever rival.

(I could say so much more about them honestly but it's all probably been said before by someone better at articulating their thoughts so whatever)

Another aspect I love is while there are romantic relationships and plots, they're not shoved in the audience's faces. Other than certain episodes dedicated to Hiccstrid's development, it's mostly just, there. Neither the story nor the characters' lives revolve around it and it's honestly a bit refreshing.

Hiccup and Astrid very clearly value they're friendship. In the episode they got together, what Hiccup said to her very clearly implied how important to him she is, and he'd be fine even if they weren't romantic partners, as long as they can still be with each other.

And that's so special to me.

Like, it is not something you often see in media. And even when they do start dating, they primarily put their friendship first—and not just with each other, like there's a whole rtte episode basically dedicated to why they need to value their friendships just as much as they value each other.

And of course, the friendship between the dragon riders as a whole. As much as they fight, and despite their actions towards Hiccup in the past, they all clearly care for each other immensely and unconditionally. It's so unfortunate that they're just side characters in the movies, I really wish they're friendships got more of a spotlight but at least we have Rob and Rtte.

(Imo it does a very good job making these characters relatable whether you feel romantic attraction or not.)

[redysetdare]

I hate the question of "ohhh you texting ur bf/gf??" Whenever ppl see u smiling at ur phone if only for the reason that it insinuates the only thing making u happy is a s/o.

Like bro some of us are happy talking to friends, talking to siblings, or hell even just happy watching videos or looking at memes. Why is a s/o the first thought in ur stupid head about why I could be smiling at the mini super computer with infinite access to millions of funny videos in my hand?

[canonically47]

my fandom might be crazy btw. it's easter. very unromantic holiday. but every single major holiday they pull out the ship art. they just have to. please....... why........ i hate being aro in fandom

the world will only be healed when during unromantic holidays we will get art of characters just fucking hanging out

[monstrouscrew]

Aromantic Awareness Week: aro vs emo ???

back then, i liked that type of music, too. but i felt clearly not fitting into the subculture related to and built around it, because a shit ton of lyrics and imagery revolved around romantic love and heartbreak. and i found it ...boring, to say the least, although i experienced a few crushes (ofc unrequited, and dated a person only twice in my life, tried my best to use the stereotypes i knew about romance).

what i want to say to 2005-2008 me: hey dude, this is bullshit, there are a lot of strong emotions which let you both break and grow, in addition to your perfected self-hate, and instead of these attempts to get some warmth and safety from others you like aesthetically and physically only.

what i want to say to everyone now: not experiencing strong affection (romantic, platonic, simply emotional, whatever labels exist) to anything is normal (if you can do daily routine, otherwise better check your brain for depression at least). not experiencing romantic feelings and not having the slightest idea of what it is is normal, and it doesn't make you more or less worthy/human/whatever they call it and teach you to call it. enjoying or not romance in fiction, in song lyrics, games, etc - it's normal, regardless of how you feel about it irl.

as for me, the closest thing to romantic feelings i can experience is what i feel when i listen to my favourite music and when i dance, jump and scream my whole being out to it in the clubs. no human, eldritch horror or ancient deity can have this power over me, making this brain switch "self" off and becoming a damn conduit for these waves. singing... yes, it has similar effect on me.

no human, though. yet i have a few ones dear to me. and one of them is what i can call qpp, but labelling anyone but me irl feels uncomfortable and distorting their own truth. however, for me and me only, for (us) four, in our personal universe - fuck romance when it tries to grab me. fuck this addictive shit, and may others who don't suffer from it enjoy it irl.

and a drawing. because fuck at least a few stereotypes, too.

(ID in the alt text)

[snugsunresplendence]

Appreciation Post for aromantic spectrum awareness week 💚

Thank you for spreading awareness even when it's not always easy. If you weren't here I'd still be stuck in my bubble of amatonormativity and heteronormativity, wondering what's 'wrong' with me.

Over two decades I thought I was allo. Hm. Ouch to be honest. A lot of unpleasant things happened that hurt. Romantic relationships have already become a trauma for me. Luckily I realized that I don't have to do it at all! And with unimaginably but great satisfaction, I won't do that ever again.

The despair of not knowing what was going on was immense. I didn't even know what I could have typed into Google to find out what it could be (didn't even understand myself). Living in a bubble where no one is like you, no one to tell you what it could be because no one knew it. The society in which I grew up was so entrenched in its social and political construct that I had no chance at all. I was constantly pushed into this role that I could never fulfill. But social media saved me. At the time I was in a romantic relationship (at least I tried to be) with a (still) very important friend of mine. I was at a point again where the relationship was too much for me, I just wanted to run away. I thought it should have worked out with them because I felt comfortable so what was the problem?!

Suddenly there were terms like asexual and aromantic and my bubble got bigger. When I understood the term aromantic, something clicked. That was a tough pill to swallow. No matter who I tried it with, it would never work. Then came the absolute anger over the lie "at some point the right one will come". I wanted to puke so much, I was so SICK of it. I wanted to scream in the face of anyone who ever said that to me. Even now I'm irritable if someone ever says that to my face again. At the beginning, when you don't yet understand that you are aromantic, you get your hopes up. Thinking: Okay, yes, maybe you are right. Over and over again after every failed (romantic) relationship. It hurts when hope is taken away from you without you being able to decide. First it's hammered into you and then jerkily ripped away. Don't get me wrong, I don't want romantic relationships and I don't miss them at all but in the moment of understanding it hurts. Amatonormativity and heteronormativity fooled me for a long time.

I've finally been able to breathe properly for two years now. And again, I'm so grateful and happy that people are sharing information about this.

Don't stop what you're doing, it has literally made my life much more beautiful. And I think there are a lot more out there who think the same. Together you are less alone. We are the love.

[angelofmusings]

this has literally been occupying my mind for the past six days but i just. i hate it how aromanticism is so unknown that people assume all aros are ace. i hate it that when i talk about amatonormativity and then mention allos in the same sentence people assume i’m getting pissy because i’m ace. i’m literally not ace. not even that but i’m so so so outspoken about aro issues and only ever really talk about ace stuff when someone else brings it up or when it’s directly related to something else. i can’t talk about an aromantic coded character being made into a romance obsessed allo in an adaptation without people coming into my dms like “why does x have to be ace” im SICK OF IT

[onequeermushroom]

relationships do not define your worth. i need people (especially allo people) to realize this. whether your have a partner or not says nothing about whether you're a good person or not. can we please finally get rid of this idea

[hero-is-back]

It's nice having A Person and being Someone's Person but I wish I didn't have to! I wish we didn't live in such a hyper-individualised world that demands everyone separate out into little nuclear families and do the bare minimum of interacting with others! I want community I want a big house with my friends in it I want close relationships with neighbours and coworkers and I don't want to fear ending up alone!

[luxflora]

tired legally recognized relationships: marriage

wired relationships that should be legally recognized: queerplatonic relationships; tumblr mutuals

[rowan-ashtree]

it's been a while since a vent

[random-human-being2311]

i hate the stereotype that ALL aroaces are loveless because like.. no??

Loveless people are amazing and extremely valid, but I'm certainly not one of them.

I personally am extremely aroace and extremely loving. God was like "ah shit we forgot to put romantic and sexual attraction in this mf let's just platonically supercharge them to make up for it".

And to me personally, my aroace identity goes hand in hand with my being extremely platonically loving. The two aren't opposing forces, they're joined hand in hand, interwoven through each other to make a beautiful patterned fabric filled with many different beautiful colours.

My best friends are the loves of my life. They're my platonic soulmates. I would want to spend the rest of my life with them. I adore everything about them, and try to help their best side shine through so that everyone else can see their wonderful glimmer. I could spent eternity hanging out with my best friends and never run out of social energy because I don't have to attempt to conform or hide the weirder shades of my personality. Just being around them is so easy and freeing and just always fills me with such joy.

But oh, because I don't want to kiss them it's not real love and somehow less meaningful than romance???

Fuck off, amatonormativity.

(THIS POST IS NOT TO BE USED AGAINST LOVELESS AROACES IN ANY WAY, EVER. YOU GUYS ARE VALID, YOU'RE ICONIC AND YOU NEED MORE APPRECIATION. SENDING INFINITE GOOD VIBES YOUR WAY.)

[besttropeveershowdown]

The Worst Trope Ever Showdown: Round 1, Side A

Found the Right Person

a character is single and content with it. they say they aren't interested in dating and haven't felt this way about anyone. others keep telling them stuff like "you just haven't found the right person yet" and they always respond saying that they don't want to. but then, mostly right at the end, they do find the right one and start a relationship with them that comes very sudden and is like weirdly intense. bonus points if the character is a strong and independent woman and then in the end decides to give up her job or hobbies for love or whatever.

Propaganda:

I hate it so much. I'm aroace and people constantly ask me when I will finally find a partner or that I just haven't fount the right one yet. I do not want to find the right one! leave me alone! and seeing these characters that I can relate to, that have a good life, maybe a cool hobby and friends who is also constantly asked this and says that they don't want a partner, and then having them stripped of this aspect because suddenly they find the love of their life and drop these things because their partner wants them to, is not fun. because this implies that everyone deep inside wants to find someone, and people who say that they don't are lying. because apparently only finding love and admitting that you were wrong and actually wanted this all along can make you happy. amatonormativity at its best. people will point to these characters and be like "look, even they could find love, there is still a chance for you", fuck off

The Power of Friendship

Companionship with others is a character's greatest strength.

Propaganda:

This trope seems to be everywhere, from books to tv shows to movies. It's always at the end of the fight when everyone is about to give up and then the hero launches into a speech about this and all of a sudden they have the strength to defeat the villian even though they were literally about to die

[growinguparo]

I am getting very sick and tired of seeing baby aros say publicly on the internet that they hate being aro and it’s this horrible thing that they wouldn’t wish upon anyone. I get it, there’s grief you need to process when you come to terms with being aro. But babe, other aros are reading what you post. When I go into aro tags (on any app), I don’t want to read about how everyone hates being like me and wishes they could just be normal instead. I happen to fucking like being aro. Yes it comes with struggles, yes it can be hard to accept, but it’s not BAD.

Here’s a quick guide. Before you post, read your post from the perspective of a teenager questioning if they might be aro. Will your post make them feel like shit about themselves? Maybe keep it in the fucking drafts.

We get enough slander from aphobes and amatonormative society. We don’t need to do that to ourselves and each other too.

[zeroducks-2]

Ok so I've seen this post way too many times on my dashboard not to get pissed so here's me saying this: Shipping is not aphobic, Soulmates AUs are not aphobic, having fun imagining your favorite little guys having sex is not aphobic.

"But one of these characters is asexual in the text!" 1: a character which doesn't have a canon relationship is not necessarily aspec, and 2: even if the character is canonically aro/ace, shipping them with someone doesn't erase the fact that they're aro/ace in the text, and in fact doesn't hurt anyone because IT'S FICTION. It's like shipping with an age gap, shipping gay characters with the opposite sex, shipping murderers and cannibals, shipping het characters with the same sex, any other "problematic" thing you can think of. It's fiction. It's not real, it doesn't hurt anyone, it's just some poor sod's past-time like it is yours and mine and everyone else's who spend their time shipping fictional people.

"Shipping hurts X category of people" is anti rhetoric and guess what, it's bullshit. You're just calling people aphobic instead of p3do, groomer or whatever other offensive nonsense antis say.

"But soulmate AU are aphobic!" Look, I hate soulmate AUs because they're cheesy and made with the cookie cutter, but that's just bullshit. No they don't hurt aspec communities, they simply do not cater to aromantic people. Something which doesn't cater to you simply existing does not in fact hurt you. And anyway you're free to create your own "Platonic Soulmate AU" if you so like, I promise no one is stopping you and a lot of folks would appreciate it.

"But it normalizes amatonormativity!" LISTEN. It's called amatonormativity FOR A REASON, and this reason is that it is the norm. Fandom spaces haven't normalized it, IT IS ALREADY NORMALIZED. Hetero, cis, allo and amatonormativity don't come from fandoms, they are not pushed by fandoms, and making it sound any different is the same kind of rhetoric antis use. Kinda on the opposite end of the spectrum of that specific brand of antis which claims incest in fanfictions normalizes it, whereas 8 seasons of GoT somehow don't. Like fucking stop treating fans like they hold the keys to make things widely spread and accepted, maybe? Because that's also what antis do in their attempt to police what other people like...?

In conclusion, this is an internalized anti behavior which won't help aspec people, won't help fandom and will only fuel shame in anyone who takes it seriously. It's just a very fancy brand of censorship. Fucking stop.

[canonically47]

i hate amatonormativity.

i hate how being single is considered bad. i hate how the older you get, the worse society treats you if you lack a partner, especially as a woman. i hate how i am not believed when i say i don’t have a crush. i hate how a romantic relationship is seen as the best relationship there is. i hate the relationship hierarchy. i hate how sexualized everything is. i hate how people would just never get it if they knew the true reason i rejected them. i hate being aromantic in a hetero- and amatonormative society, not because i hate my identity, but because i hate the way it is treated. i hate how i am not taken seriously. i hate how i am told i can, or will, be fixed. i hate how i am treated as a broken half rather than a content whole. and i hate romance, by god, how i hate it. i hate seeing a couple on the street knowing i will never have what they do. i hate unnecessarry romance in media. i hate that romance in itself is a plotline. i hate kissing. i hate hand-holding. i hate dates. i hate that i can’t do any of those without it being considered romantic. i hate that romance and sex seem to go hand in hand. i hate the insistence that i will have that one day. i hate that i am ‘too young to know’ and i hate soulmates and i hate those stupid fucking tropes.

i hate amatonormativity.

[genderkoolaid]

No. It's about not telling queer people to stop talking publicly about queer love, like everyone else on the planet tells us, just because you're uncomfy about it. "You can't do this because it's against MY religion, and everything is about MY feelings" is a shit argument, and "YOU can't talk about romantic love because I don't experience it and everything is about MY experience" is the same argument. This is puritan bullshit with a modern twist. Stop telling people how to exist within their own marginalized community and then acting like they're bigots for asking just what the fuck you think you're talking about, and I suspect you'll find that they're actually pretty reasonable when not being shrilled at to stop being so queer in public.

DID i say "you aren't allowed to talk about romantic love" or did i call the lesbian community amatonormative & point out how that is harmful to aro lesbians, and you immediately decided i'm a homophobe who hates love because that is what y'all call EVERY SINGLE ARO who EVER criticizes queer amatonormivity.

i'm aroallo. aroallo lesbians talk about how we are alienated from the lesbian community because we often want purely sexual and non-romantic relationships with women, and that kind of non-romantic queer sexuality is seen as immoral and slutty and "setting a bad example for lesbians." is pointing this out... puritanistic? to you?

i swear to god y'all could not care about aros if you tried. its not fucking homophobic to talk about amatonormativity. why are aro lesbians garbage in your mind? why don't aro lesbians deserve space in their community? why are you so quick to call aro lesbians puritan homophobes when they talk about being alienated from places that claim to be "for lesbians"? its because you hate aromantic people. fuck off