#and I just. i just. after he died for about a year or two

[hellodropbear]

17520 hours.

mapi leon x ingrid engen x daughter (ish)

angst. part of the 'it's time.' series

mapi struggles on the two year anniversary of her best friend's death. Ingrid is right there to help her but she doesn't know how to let her in.

this is a lot more angst than i'm used to posting but i hope you like it.

it was hard to write and partially based on personal experiences so i apologise if it's not very good.

also decided to put it all in one part because i couldn't find a good place to split it!

i hope you enjoy :)

~~~~~~

Two years is a long time. 

Two years is 104 weeks, two years is 730 days. Two birthdays, two christmases, two easters. Two summers and two winters, two new years and two anniversaries. 

Two years is a long time to miss someone. It should be enough time to have moved on. 

But when their daughter is in your care, that seems almost impossible. 

It was everyday that Mapi thought about her best friend, sometimes looking at her daughter and only seeing his eyes staring right back at her. 

The day was one that the Spaniard dreaded, the days becoming quicker and quicker in the lead up, the night before slowing right down as she crawled into bed, tossing and turning as she tried to sleep. 

Isabel was almost two. Still too young to understand that there was anything out of the ordinary in her life, anything that raised any questions. Even if Mapi tried explaining, she was sure that her daughter wouldn’t have the first idea what anything meant. 

She wouldn’t understand that Mapi wasn’t supposed to have her even though she gave birth. She wouldn’t understand that her parents had died because her Mami was right there in front of her. 

It was just a part of parenthood that Mapi had no idea how to conquer. She knew everything else, having spent hours and hours with her head buried in countless baby books, countless books that discussed grief and sadness in children. 

But Isabel wasn’t sad, she wasn’t grieving because she never knew Luis or Isabel. 

There were no books about how to tell a kid about her dead parents. It was a taboo topic, of sorts, one that many stand-in parents were reluctant to discuss with their child, hoping that they would just believe that they were their real parents. It was a bridge most people decided to cross when they had to, not at any point earlier than completely necessary. 

Mapi didn’t want that, she wanted her daughter to know who Luis was, who Isabel was. 

She just didn’t know when or how she should introduce the idea of them. 

But the second anniversary of their death left Mapi in a numb state, entirely torn up on the inside as she tried to decide whether she would take her daughter with her on her annual graveyard visit. It was Mapi’s time to chat to Luis alone, no interruptions, no distractions. 

Because while Isabel lost her parents, Mapi lost her lifelong best friend. 

She lost Luis, who meant everything and more to her. Luis who had moved to Barcelona a few months after her, Luis who watched every single one of her games, the first person to text her after a hard loss or an impressive win. 

She still hadn’t got out of the habit of checking her phone after a match, pain settling deep in her chest as her screen remained bare, his notification forever absent. 

It wasn’t a question of where she would be on the second anniversary. She knew exactly where she would be sat and exactly how she would feel as she stared at that obnoxiously large gravestone, big bold carvings of his name, his date of birth and date of death. 

‘Loving husband, son and friend.’ it read. Not father. ‘A man who lit up the lives of everyone he met.’ It was an understatement, Mapi had thought.

She had spent hours there when Isabel was a newborn, cradling her tiny body in her arms as she sat and silently stared at those few words. Loneliness ate her up, wishing for nothing other than her best friend. 

But her daughter had lit up her world as everything else was crumbling down, single handedly keeping the two of them afloat as Mapi grew tired, the sheer weight of her emotions almost drowning them. 

Isabel was an infant, too young to know anything was different. She was completely enraptured by her mother, smiling and laughing everyday they spent together in their small and stuffy apartment, completely unaware of the anguish that her mother was going through. 

It seemed fitting on the second anniversary of their death, only a couple months before her second birthday that Isabel would finally visit their gravestones. 

Even the thought of the graveyard made her feel uncomfortable, Mapi’s skin crawling at the thought of her best friend beneath her, cold and still. Someone she loved, such a warm and constant presence in her life, lying right there in the ground. 

It made her feel sick. Sick with anger because he was gone too soon. With grief because she never got to say goodbye. With guilt because she got to have the one thing he had always wanted. But mostly sick with the heartbreaking realisation that he was down there, in the flesh. 

Luis was dead. 

~~~~~~

It wasn’t a cold day, but she shivered as she stepped out of the car, the cool breeze prickling her skin as she unclipped a groggy Isabel from the back seat. 

“Where are we, Mami?” 

She looked around at her unfamiliar surroundings in confusion, probably expecting to have woken up in her bed. 

Mapi just hugged her, not trusting her voice to not break if she tried to respond. 

Despite only visiting twice before, the graveyard was familiar, she knew exactly how to get to Luis’ plot. She walked with purpose, not looking at the grave as she laid down the rug, only facing her best friend’s name once she was sat down. 

“This is your Papi, Is.”

Saying it out loud, her daughter in her arms. His daughter in her arms. It felt unusual, it felt uncomfortable. She could feel Isabel looking up at her, the confusion that radiated from the toddler’s body. 

She loosened her arms as Isabel wriggled herself free, waddling towards the stone and placing her hand on it. 

“Papi?”

She looked back at Mapi, a question in her eyes. She was met with tears slipping down her Mami’s face. 

“Mami.”

In an instant, she was back in Mapi’s arms, reaching up and wiping away the tears. 

“No sad, Mami. Brave like lion.”

Mapi nodded, a watery chuckle falling from her mouth. 

“I’m going to talk to your Papi, Is. Is that ok?”

Isabel nodded, settling herself on the rug with her lion toy as Mapi stood up, walking closer to the stone and placing her hand on his name, crouching down so it was at eye level. 

“Meet your daughter, Lu. She has your eyes, you know. She’s funny and smart and entirely the light of my life. I love her so much. More than I ever loved you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone, really. I promise. I promise I’ve tried my best and I hope you’re proud of her. I hope you’re proud of me.”

She bit her lip, unsuccessfully biting back her own tears. 

“It’s been two years, Lu. I don’t know how I have made it through two whole years without you, really. It’s been so… hard. I still expect to see you, to hear from you. Sometimes I think I do, only to realise that it’s not possible. Because you’re dead. You weren’t supposed to die, not so soon. You were supposed to watch your daughter grow, I was supposed to be her really cool aunt that she would go to when you argued, to give her that tattoo when you said no. ”

She let out a strangled chuckle, trying to alleviate some of the pain she felt. They had discussed Mapi’s relationship with the child at length, knowing that the centre back would love the child as her own because she was always with Luis, she would always be around the couple as they raised their child. That wouldn’t have changed if she wasn’t biologically Mapi’s. 

Back then, Mapi had thought she would have been fine with the situation. She knew the baby wasn’t really hers, she knew that she would still be able to watch the baby grow up, that she would still be able to love her. 

It wasn’t a problem that had actually materialised, but they hadn’t expected both Isabel and Luis to die right before she was born. 

“Now I have to discipline her, Luis, which is the one thing I didn’t want to have to do. But she’s such a good girl, she is so intelligent. Like you, really. She knows how I feel all the time, she definitely inherited your emotional intelligence. She loves everyone too, just like you. I was never supposed to be a mother, was I? You were always the paternal one out of the two of us, you were the one who deserved a child. But I am the one that got her.”

She swallows roughly, biting her lip. 

“Oh Luis, you would have loved her so much.”

Very quickly, she is overcome by her tears, collapsing down into herself in sobs. 

It’s all too much, it’s all too hard. 

It’s unfair that her best friend left her, that she was left alone to grow up. Growing up was something they had discussed at length when they were younger. Obviously they were never going to be married, they’d never live together. 

They had dreamt of adjoining houses, doors that connected their backyards. They were going to grow up together, the two of them. Luis would have his wife and a gaggle of kids, Mapi would have her wife and a pack of cats. They’d have their own families but their lives would be so closely connected because they loved each other in the purest way possible. 

A childhood connection, one that grew and grew into adulthood. 

One that was supposed to last a lifetime. 

It did last a lifetime, it lasted Luis’ lifetime. Just not Mapi’s. 

She calmed herself down after a couple minutes, Isabel unsurprisingly noticing her mother’s sadness and crawling into her arms as a source of comfort. 

They sat there for hours, an easy silence settling upon the pair. Mapi was deep in thought, Isabel knew it wasn’t the time for play, it wasn’t the time for her mindless babbling. 

It had been a couple hours when she heard the footsteps, people approaching silently. 

She hadn’t expected to see anyone there, but upon reflection she realised she had been naive - it was the anniversary after all. 

“Maria?”

She hadn’t heard Ane’s voice in two years. The last conversation they had was full of empty promises, of visits to Zaragoza that Mapi knew she would not go on. Promises that they would get to know the child that was growing in Mapi’s stomach, promises that they wouldn’t lose touch. 

They had lost touch, Mapi unable to visit Luis’ home whenever she returned to her parents. Ane and Mikel were in too much pain to see the child, not sure how they could face it. 

“Ane.” She stood up, facing the older woman and allowing herself to be enveloped in her arms. 

“It’s so good to see you, Maria.”

Mapi could only nod, her eyes still watery and her face still red. It had been a long morning. 

She turned to face Mikel, who was staring straight forward, his eyes only softening as Mapi grabbed his hand and kissed it. 

“I have missed you both.” She smiled softly. It was a sad smile, but a real one. 

They were Luis’ parents, of course, but they were her pseudo parents whenever she needed them. They were so close, especially when Mapi and Luis were in their teenage years. 

“Is this… is that her?”

Ane looked down at the curly headed girl, her eyes softening as she watched her play with her toys. 

“Isabel Luisa.” Mapi nodded. “I thought today would be a good day for her to come visit.”

The older woman looked down at the child adoringly, smiling as she looked up at the unfamiliar adults. 

It was a bit awkward for a few moments, as Mapi, Mikel and Ane sat in an uncomfortable silence. 

Mapi excused herself, moving away to the bathrooms but leaving her belongings by the grave. She knew she wanted to talk to them, that they wanted to talk to her. 

She also knew they needed some time alone before they would be able to. 

But she did return, sitting down on her rug right beside the older couple. 

And Ane spoke, her voice soft, her voice sad. 

She told Mapi how grateful she is, how glad she is that she took Isabel in, that she didn’t even question it. How grateful she is that Mapi did everything to make her son happy all throughout his life, from buying him an extra chocolate bar when they were children to carrying his baby for him when he and his wife were unable to do it. 

Ane told her that she had given him his one dream, fatherhood. It was just unlucky that he wasn’t alive to live it. 

There were tears in her eyes as she told her how grateful Luis would be. How much he loved her. How happy he would be that his daughter ended up with the Spaniard, the person he probably trusted the most in the world. 

Mapi nodded her appreciation, sitting with the two adults for a while longer before Isabel grew tired, the sun falling down, the afternoon turning into evening. 

She said a tearful goodbye, collecting her things and standing, Mikel standing up as well and walking her to her car. 

“She looks just like him.” His words were soft, softer than Mapi had ever heard him. “I have thought about you every day, Maria. You and her. I am so relieved to see you here because I worried so much about you. I worried that you wouldn’t be ok, that you’d not be able to raise her. Not because I doubted you, but because I know how hard it is to lose people.”

Mapi nodded softly, looking up at the man. 

“I don’t doubt that you have had a hard time, but I also don’t doubt that you’re a good Mami. A great Mami to this little girl.”

“Thanks, Mikel.”

He nodded, that was all he needed to say. 

It was all he needed to say for Mapi to tear up again, picking Isabel up and holding her in his space. He looked at the Spaniard, who nodded, before placing a soft kiss on her head. 

“Come visit, Maria. When you come home. Bring the little one too.”

Mapi nodded, a smile on her face. 

This time, it wasn’t an empty promise. 

~~~~~~

She got home to an empty apartment. Quiet, dark. She could have texted Ingrid, the Norwegian likely would have come over in an instant, her warm arms right there for endless comfort. 

But she couldn’t bring herself to open her phone, couldn’t bring herself to stand up and walk over to the kitchen table where it was sitting. Instead, she stayed seated, relaxed back on the sofa with tears tracking down her face as she stared blankly at the wall. 

It wasn’t often that she was left alone with her thoughts. Not when she had a chatty toddler to look after, a loving girlfriend who spent every day trying to make Mapi happy. It worked, because Ingrid did make her happy, happier than she’d ever been. 

And Isabel also made her happy, she was the best thing in the Spaniard’s life. 

So why did she feel so sad? Why was Luis’ death still so hard for her to process?

Two years felt like too long to still be so upset about it all. She wondered when it would go away. If it would ever go away. 

His death was something that Mapi didn’t think she would ever be able to comprehend. She was able to live her life as normal again, plastering a smile to cover up the mess that she was on the inside. But it had taken such a long time to even get to that point, despite her daughter’s positive presence.  

Everyone knew how long it had taken. Mapi didn’t think anyone really knew how broken up she still felt about it. A part of her was embarrassed, embarrassed that she still hadn’t gotten over it. Was still yet to move on. 

Even as she thought it over, progress seemed so impossible. The thought of moving on like so many people had told her to do made her feel sick, because how was she supposed to move on when he was everything to her?

She didn’t sleep that night, barely able to smile as she fed Isabel and put her to bed. The toddler knew something was wrong, of course, a frown on her face as Mapi put her down for the evening. 

Isabel had seen Mapi sad before. Lots of times, really, but her mother usually tried her best to hide it from her. She would push the emotions down and far away as she interacted with her kid but Isabel was so perceptive, so in tune with Mapi’s emotions. 

She knew whenever Mapi was sad. It made her feel sad too. 

But Isabel never would have known that her mother was sitting in the same spot on the sofa all night, her mind a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions, resisting any rest that tried to fall upon her. 

She wasn’t sure if she regretted telling Ingrid that she wanted to be alone for the day, that her girlfriend shouldn’t come over like she usually did. The Spaniard just didn’t know if it would make it better or worse. She didn’t know how to alleviate herself from some of the pain she felt. 

She realised she didn’t know much at all. 

Mapi watched as the sun rose outside, the night becoming morning. The new day arriving along with the sounds of birds chirping, the city happily waking up as the clouds had gone away and the sun had finally come out. 

Two years and one day. 

Her daughter’s whining was audible from her spot in the main room as she woke up. Her daughter’s whining was probably the only thing that would have successfully moved her from her seat. 

“Mami!” Isabel frowned at the sight of her mother as her door opened, dark bags beneath her red and puffy eyes. 

“Good morning, my girl.”

She smiled weakly, kneeling beside her toddler and raking her hand through her hair as Isabel became more aware of her surroundings. 

It was a slow morning; a slow rise from bed and a slow breakfast. The toddler was still in her pyjamas by 10, her hair and teeth remained unbrushed. 

It was no surprise that Ingrid was on the other side of the door at 11, Isabel opening the door when she heard the knocks. The Norwegian had a bright smile on her face as she scooped Isabel up into her arms and planted a soft kiss on her cheek. 

“Mami, Ingrid.” She pointed over at where Mapi was standing, and it was one glance at the Spaniard that told Ingrid that despite her promise that she’d be alright, her girlfriend was definitely not ok. Her smile faded and she frowned slightly, concern etched deep into her features, 

Her steps towards Mapi were tentative, unsure how to approach the situation. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t know Mapi, of course she knew her. She just didn’t know about Mapi’s grief. She had heard from teammates that she hadn’t dealt with the death well, that she had locked herself up in her house for months, over a year. But it was one topic that the Spaniard avoided at all costs, a master of changing the subject whenever it would come up. 

Ingrid never felt like it was her place to pry. 

But now, seeing her girlfriend so… broken, so depleted, it made her regret not being more insistent in those times. Because maybe if they spoke about it then, she would know how to help. 

But in that moment, she had no idea what to do. 

“Maria…” Her voice was quiet. “I’ve missed you.”

Mapi didn’t reply, but she could feel Ingrid’s free arm wrapping around her and she immediately clung onto her girlfriend. She was desperate and Ingrid was a lifeline. 

“Alright. Isabel, do you want to go play with Bagheera for a minute?”

The child nodded as she was placed back on the floor, walking out of the kitchen and into the lounge where the cat was likely waking up from her nap. 

Mapi, still clinging onto the Norwegian’s arm, frowned slightly, still not willing herself to make eye contact with Ingrid. 

“You’re not ok, Mapi, are you?”

She didn’t nod, she didn’t shake her head. Her mouth remained completely sealed. 

But Ingrid knew her well enough to recognise the tears that filled up her eyes, the way her hand trembled against the Norwegian’s skin. 

The brunette softened, her worries confirmed; leaving Mapi alone for the entire previous day was probably one of the worst promises she had ever made. She shouldn’t have agreed to it, not when she knew that Mapi would need her. 

“Ok. It’s ok. You’ll be ok, Maria. I just want you to sit down for me.”

She led her around to the other side of the kitchen bench, sitting down in a seat right beside her and wrapping her arm around the Spaniard’s shoulders. 

The Norwegian could feel herself becoming more and more anxious at Mapi’s almost catatonic state, entirely unequipped and unsure how to deal with it. 

It took half an hour of speaking to Mapi with no response for Ingrid to realise that she couldn’t do anything. A heartbreaking realisation of sorts, but one that she needed to have in order to help her.  

She knew she should be able to do this herself, she wished that it didn’t have to be so hard. But Alexia had been there before Ingrid, Alexia had been there for Mapi during Isabel’s infancy, right after she lost Luis. 

So she sent the Spanish midfielder a quick text, alerting her of the centre back’s state.

She felt guilty as the relief surged through her, Alexia assuring her that she would be there soon. 

However, neither the Spaniard nor the Norwegian could see the toddler’s tears, her quiet whimpers of anxiety and upset. 

Isabel didn’t like seeing Mapi upset, not at all. She was a happy person, usually, a permanent smile on her face, energetic as she played with the toddler. 

But she sat and stroked Bagheera, silent tears streaming down her little face with one thought on her mind. Why was Mami so sad all of a sudden? And why did it make her feel so miserable too?

Alexia arrived in a flurry, her heart dropping at the sight of her friend as she rushed towards her, immediately pulling her into a suffocating hug. 

“Maria, Maria. Come on, please. Say something.” Her voice sounded urgent and Ingrid could only watch, worry and confusion clear on her face. 

With no response, Alexia leaned back, staring straight into Mapi’s eyes. She could read the centre back like a book and her eyes told her everything she needed to know. 

“Ale.”

She frowned, tilting her head at the blonde in front of her. 

“Mapi, breathe. Take a deep breath in.”

Ingrid slipped out of the room as Mapi followed Alexia, breathing in and out slowly until she collapsed into Alexia’s arms, the tears spilling from her eyes easily as she reconnected with reality. 

It was her reaction to sadness, Mapi had realised a few months ago. Disconnecting from the world around her, unable to move, speak. She could barely hear anything, see anything until it was right in front of her face. 

She couldn’t feel anything either, but that was a more common response, something that she couldn’t be pulled out of so easily. 

She hated it, more than anything. Because when she was pulled from her state of disconnect, she felt nothing but terror, an overwhelming sadness that came rushing back as soon as that trap door opened. 

It was like her body was trying to protect her from feeling, the emotions just too much. It would just shut down until she was numb, not really registering that at some point she just had to feel it because there was no way of getting away from those emotions. 

Alexia had seen it all before and she was usually the one to grab Mapi, to shake her out of her headspace and bring her back to reality. 

It was terrifying for her too, especially the first time she witnessed it. 

“Ale.”

Mapi’s sobs had been reduced to quiet whimpers into Alexia’s shoulder after a while, her mind throwing itself through all her thoughts, all her emotions. Luis was gone, Luis had been gone for two years. She has his daughter, her Isabel who she loves so much. Ingrid was here but now she is not, where has Ingrid gone? Alexia, right in front of her, fear visible in the midfielder’s eyes no matter how hard she tried to hide it. 

Luis was gone, Isabel was hers. Ingrid was gone, Alexia was here.

Luis, Isabel, Ingrid, Alexia.

Her four people. 

She felt her breath hitch, Alexia’s arms tightening around her. 

She felt the tears dripping down from her eyes, saturating the fabric of Alexia’s shirt, the wet fabric now uncomfortable to rest her face on. 

She could hear Alexia’s breathing, the sound of her heart racing. 

Feel Alexia’s arms around her, the floor beneath her feet and the chair that she was sitting on. 

Taste the salty tears. Tears of grief, fear, confusion. 

Luis, Isabel, Ingrid, Alexia. 

“Ale, where is Isabel?”

~~~~~~

Ingrid slipped out of the room easily, not needed as Alexia dealt with Mapi’s overwhelming emotions. 

Mapi’s cries were audible from the main room she found herself in, wincing as she walked towards Isabel who was still stroking Bagheera, her movements fluid and repetitive, a consistent cycle that easily could have rubbed a groove into the cat’s black fur. 

The Norwegian couldn’t see the tears that had stained the little girl's face, still spilling from her eyes no matter how hard she tried to blink them away. 

But her shoulders shook unnaturally, a shuddering inhale that had Ingrid picking up her pace and sitting down right beside Isabel and pulling her into her arms as soon as she noticed how upset she was. 

Silently, she placed a thoughtful kiss on the crown of her head, her heart breaking at the silent tears, at Isabel's defeated demeanour. 

No toddler should know how to cry silently. 

"What's wrong, Is?"

At her words, Isabel promptly spun around in Ingrid's arms, collapsing into her and crying audibly, her entire body weight relying on the Norwegian to be held.

"Mami sad, Ingrid. I'm sad too!"

Her voice was broken and Ingrid’s heart dropped at the sound of it. 

It wasn’t hard to leave, understanding that Isabel needed to get out of the apartment, that she needed to be away from the inconsolable Mapi who could still be heard crying in the kitchen. 

So she left, slipping out the front door and carrying Isabel down to the street, holding her tight as she cried, walking over to the park. 

By the time they reached their familiar bench, her cries had weakened, only releasing quiet puffs of air every few moments as she relished in the comfort of Ingrid’s arms. 

The Norwegian sat down, loosening her grip on the toddler and manoeuvring her so that they were looking right at each other. Ingrid’s frown was light and her hands were soft as she reached out and wiped the tears away from Isabel’s wet cheeks, cupping her face when she was done. 

Words failed the defender as she looked at the toddler, her uncanny resemblance to Mapi heightened in her upset state. 

She matched her mother perfectly, Ingrid thought, trying to avoid that voice in the back of her head that she would never be enough. Their smiles were identical and their laughs sounded the same. They both carried the same exasperated sigh, the confused frown and those doe eyes that were impossible to say no to. But they carried the same tears, the same cries. 

Mapi’s emotions were often reflected in her daughter, whether it was happiness, excitement, fear, sadness. Isabel was smart - emotionally intelligent. It was like she always knew exactly how her Mami was feeling, even if she wasn’t old enough to understand why, to understand what those feelings were. 

This was one of those times when she had no idea what this sadness meant. She could clearly feel the sadness, feel her mother was sad. But she wasn’t even two yet, how could she possibly be expected to process those emotions like someone years older?

Ingrid wasn’t bad with kids either. There were heaps of children in her family; cousins, nieces, nephews. She’d been there throughout all of their childhoods, able to comfort them and soothe them enough until their parents came back. 

But Isabel’s sadness was completely new territory, there was no waiting for Mapi to arrive because Ingrid knew she wouldn’t. It was up to her to calm down the child but for the first time, she was completely stumped. 

She didn’t know what she could say to calm her down. She didn’t know how Isabel felt, she was too young to be able to express her emotions, to talk through what she was feeling. 

But this wasn’t a tantrum or a small cry over a minor convenience. This was a meltdown, caused by her overwhelming emotions that she couldn’t quite comprehend. 

“Ingrid…” 

She spoke quietly, leaning into the comfort of the Norwegian’s hands on her face. 

Ingrid nodded, encouraging the child to continue. 

“Why my Papi a rock?” 

The Norwegian’s face softened, her heart sinking as she tried to subtly release an exhale that she had been holding in. 

Unsure what she was going to say, she opened her mouth. But Isabel was too quick, raising her voice another time. 

“Why Mami sad at rock?”

“Is…” 

The child looked up at her, eyes shining with unshed tears, pure innocence reflected in her eyes, her features. 

“Isabel. Your Papi, he’s not a rock. Your Papi was a person, a very good person.”

The child frowned, confusion etched deep into her features. Ingrid thought she seemed entirely too concerned for a not quite two year old. 

“He died before you were born though, Is. Mami is sad today because she misses him. She misses your Papi.”

She doubted Isabel would even understand what she was trying to say. She didn’t know when children were supposed to understand the concept of death, the concept of life. 

Definitely not before the age of two. 

So Ingrid decided to try to move away from the topic, her new goal just to bring a smile back onto Isabel’s face. It was the least she could do, really. 

“But it’s ok, Is, because you have Mami and you have me and you have Alexia and you have Leila and Patri and Pina! You love all of those people don’t you?”

Isabel nodded easily, a smile creeping onto her face. 

“I love them so much. Especially Mami. And you, Ingrid!” 

Ingrid chuckled, her laughs a superficial cover of the anxieties and concern she felt. Because Isabel was right here calming down in her arms, but she had no idea of the state of Mapi, she had no idea how long this happiness would last. 

“And everyone I just mentioned loves you too. And your Papi, he loves you as well but he loves you from somewhere else. You have people everywhere loving you!” 

Ingrid beamed, trying to make the conversation feel more lighthearted. It was a successful attempt, apparently, because Isabel replicated her smile and turned herself around, sitting back down in Ingrid’s lap and leaning into her chest. 

“I love you Ingrid.”

The Norwegian could only smile sadly, planting a thoughtful kiss on Isabel’s head. 

~~~~~~

Mapi’s head was a mess, Alexia had realised. Her emotions all over the place, her priorities set in a weird and confusing line. 

The tears had eventually ran out and she was clearly exhausted, her head in Alexia’s lap as the blonde spoke softly. The familiar Spanish was a comfort to Mapi’s ears, the words meaningful, flooded with emotion.

“You need to worry about what is important right now,” Alexia had murmured, her hands combing through Mapi’s hair. It was reminiscent of how the centre back calmed her own daughter, soft hands and quiet words. 

It was reminiscent of how Mapi’s own mother used to soothe her, nostalgic and comforting. 

“Luis is important, of course he is. But he’s gone, Maria. If you’re going to worry about anything it has to be yourself, it has to be Isabel. You have to think about Ingrid, how to prioritise your relationship on top of everything else.”

Alexia shook her head at that, sighing almost silently. 

“Ingrid will try not to let you focus on her, but you have to try. You have to show her how much you love her like I know you do. That she’s your person.”

Mapi looked up at Alexia, her forehead wrinkling as she frowned. 

“She… she doesn’t know that?”

“She does know that, of course she does. But sometimes you need to put her first. Sometimes she needs you the most. Sometimes, she needs you more than Isabel does. She wants to know all of you, Mapi, even this part. She wants to understand your grief, to know what to do when you are having a hard time. She wants me to look after Isabel while she comforts you because she loves you. You are her person, just like she is yours.”

Mapi frowned again, swallowing back the tears that threatened to fill up her eyes. Because Ingrid was everything to her, of course she was. She was the person that Mapi loved more than anyone, the first person she had ever really and truly fallen in love with. But Alexia was right. More often than not, her attention was pulled away from Ingrid, Isabel making an appearance. Maybe she was hungry, thirsty, tired. She could have been bored or overexcited or maybe she just couldn’t sleep. 

Because Isabel was her baby girl, her last connection to Luis; her last connection to her person before Ingrid. 

It was somewhat painful for Mapi to consider how these small things would have hurt the Norwegian, how they would have all built up over time, building Ingrid’s thick skin, the impenetrable strength and sometimes superficial happiness that the Spaniard wished to break down.

“What do I do, Ale?”

Her voice broke and Alexia pulled her upwards, straight into a hug. 

“You talk to her.”

Mapi nodded, falling back down to her lying position on the sofa, the exhaustion of the day overcoming her despite it only being 12pm. 

Alexia could tell the exact moment she fell asleep, her breathing evening out and her body finally relaxing. 

The midfielder had expected something like this to happen today. She knew that Luis’ death was a date engraved in her friend’s mind, one that could never pass without any upset, any thought. 

It was only the second anniversary so of course it would bring up all of the emotions that were left and ignored two years ago, Mapi’s grief pushed away by the little baby Isabel. The same thing had happened a year ago and the midfielder knew it would happen again in another year. 

Only she hoped she wouldn’t be needed in a years time, similar to how she had hoped that she wasn’t required this year. 

She had been somewhat surprised and just a little bit disappointed when she received Ingrid’s text, having hoped that Mapi finally would have spoken to her girlfriend about it, that Ingrid would have expected it and known exactly what she needed to do. It was abundantly clear, however, that it was not the case. 

Ingrid’s terrified and bewildered facial expression was one piece of evidence, but so was Mapi’s silence, her heavy breathing and her complete refusal to speak while the Norwegian was in the room. 

She was disappointed, really. She felt guilt overcome her as she watched Ingrid slip out of the room, a look of pure defeat written all over her face as she accepted that there was nothing she could do to help Mapi. 

Mapi who was an emotional wreck, who needed support and who just needed to let everything out for once. 

Mapi, who needed her girlfriend’s comfort but didn’t know how to ask for it, couldn’t bring herself to ask for it. 

Alexia knew that the Norwegian would have given it to her without a second thought. 

It was all she could think about as Ingrid walked back through the door, Isabel’s hand tight in hers as her eyes scanned the room and landed on the sleeping Mapi in Alexia’s lap. 

Isabel inspected her quietly, satisfied with her sleeping body on the sofa. She was with Alexia and Alexia made people happy. She was sure Mapi would be happy now, so she scampered out of the lounge and into the laundry where she knew Bagheera would be waiting. 

Ingrid was less convinced, sitting beside Alexia with concern written all over her face. 

“She’ll be alright.” Alexia whispered her words softly, an attempt to make the Norwegian feel better. She didn’t expect Ingrid’s eyes to fill up with tears, her head falling into her hands. 

“Why doesn’t she talk to me about any of this?”

Her voice sounded defeated, frustrated. Her watery eyes looked back up towards Alexia and the midfielder could easily see the anguish in her eyes. 

“She’s bad at talking about it, embarrassed by it. She doesn’t like to feel all these emotions so she just pushes them away. But they come back every now and again and she has no idea how to deal with it. I try telling her that it’s normal, she shouldn’t feel embarrassed but she doesn’t listen. It makes her feel weak, she said. You saw her earlier too, she just shuts down. I think it’s because she just doesn’t know what else she can do so she turns into a robot of sorts, on autopilot to get things done. And then someone will come and see straight through her and it’s like she breaks.”

Alexia’s eyes were watering, her hand coming to rest on Mapi’s head. 

“But she loves you so much, Ingrid. More than I’ve ever seen her love anyone before. I know she wants to talk to you about all this, she wishes she could just let it all out. We’ve discussed it before, what she could say, how she could say it. She’ll call me the next day and say she chickened out, she couldn’t bring herself to go through it all. It’s mentally exhausting, I think.  She used to be so confident in herself, she didn’t care about anything but her happiness and the happiness of the people around her. She was the person who would cheer everyone else up, make us smile and laugh. She’s still that person, that’s the one that we see everyday. But she never learnt how to grieve or how to let other people cheer her up and this is what happened because of it.”

Ingrid was quiet for a few moments, her eyes focussed on Mapi’s sleeping figure. She looked so peaceful, her golden brown hair falling over her face, completely covering her tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes. 

“Why didn’t you help her?���

She knew it wasn’t Alexia’s fault; she knew that the midfielder beside her would have done whatever she thought was right. But part of the Norwegian thought that if she had learned what to do with her emotions two years ago when Luis died, everything would be easier now. Everything would be easier for everyone. 

“She just wouldn’t let us. I regret it every day, Ingrid. ”

~~~~~~

It wasn’t long before Alexia left, leaving Ingrid with a sleeping Mapi and taking the almost two year old back to her house with her. 

They didn’t want Isabel to be able to understand what was going on, they didn’t want her to feel those sad emotions when she was entirely incapable of understanding why she suddenly felt so sad. 

So it was Ingrid’s face that Mapi woke up to, the familiar green piercing straight through her, a sad expression all over her face. 

“Ingrid.”

Her voice was hoarse, her words scratchy and her eyes swollen. It had been a difficult few hours and she felt entirely incapable of having the conversation that she knew Ingrid wanted to have. 

“I don’t know how… how do I even start?”

But it seemed she was wrong as Ingrid shook her head, her arms wrapping the Spaniard up in a tight hug as she sat up from her horizontal position. 

“No, you don’t need to. Not right now. You’re exhausted, physically and emotionally and I don’t want to talk now. I want you to be ok, I want to make you feel ok.”

Mapi didn’t know it, but the Norwegian’s words were exactly what she needed. Ingrid was exactly what she needed. 

Her emotional perception, the unique ability she had to be so aware of how everyone felt at any given time. It was one of her qualities that Mapi loved the most, one of the things that was so intriguing, so alluring about the defender. 

“What can I do to make you feel ok?”

Mapi smiled weakly, trying to bite back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. It wasn’t just sadness this time, but gratitude, love. Because Ingrid was perfect even when the centre back knew she had been the opposite of that. And despite all of Mapi’s own personal flaws, Ingrid still loved her. 

And if everything else fell apart, Mapi knew that her love would be more than enough. 

“You being here makes me feel ok.”

Ingrid smiled into the embrace, only releasing the hug when Mapi’s grip on her loosened. 

“Isabel is at Alexia’s and she will be there all night. She shouldn’t be in this environment when you are so upset, not when she’s so young. So it’s just you and me, whatever you want to do.”

Mapi nodded easily, somewhat relieved that her daughter was away from all this. 

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.”

The evening was a slow one, relaxed and quiet in the calm apartment. They weaved around each other in the kitchen as they cooked with a practised ease, dinner cooked and plated up seamlessly. 

Conversation as they ate was minimal, the Spaniard clearly distracted and the Norwegian happy to focus on her own food. 

“I… I need to talk to you, Ingrid. Not right now, but soon. Maybe tomorrow. I just don’t know how to say what I want to say in a way that makes sense. It’s… hard for me, hard to talk about… it.”

The Norwegian’s attention was captured at the sound of Mapi’s voice, instantly nodding with a comforting smile on her face. 

“I know it’s hard. I don’t want you to feel any pressure to tell me anything.”

But the Spaniard disagreed, shaking her head quickly. 

“It’s not pressure, I want you to know everything.”

Ingrid’s forehead creased, her eyebrows drawing together as she frowned. 

“But why? Why do you want to go through it all again with yet another person if you don’t have to?”

It was Mapi’s turn to frown, her head shaking as she let out a quiet exhale. 

“I haven’t ever gone through everything with anyone. Alexia knows a lot, sure. I know she’s told you what she knows. I want you to know everything. Because I love you more than anything and for you to love me like that you have to know everything, you have to see all my faults, everything that I’m ashamed of.”

Ingrid stopped the tears from forming before they had a chance to materialise in her eyes, but Mapi could tell she was stopping herself from crying by the way her eyes blinked away the invisible tears. 

“What’s wrong?”

Her voice was incredibly soft, her Spanish lilt calming, comforting.

“I don’t think there’s anything you could say that would change the way I love you. I couldn’t love you any more than I do and there’s nothing that will ever make me love you any less. I wish you would understand that sadness and grief isn’t a weakness or a fault, it’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s natural yet it takes a completely different path in every single person. You’re not different, Maria. You’re not weak. The opposite of weak, really. I love you for who you are, because you are funny, you’re kind, you’re caring. You look after people and you’re an incredible mother. I love you because you are strong, one of the strongest people I have ever met. The love I have for you is not… despite anything, there’s nothing that I would change because you’re perfect. So sure, tell me everything because I will listen but it will not change a single thing. Don’t tell me that I can’t love you before I know because I do, so much.”

“Thank you.” Mapi sniffled, her voice thready as she nodded at Ingrid, her eyes dropping back down to her plate in front of her. 

It was exactly what she needed to hear. 

~~~~~~

“Mami!” 

Despite Ingrid’s protests in the kitchen, Isabel bounded into their bedroom, bouncing up onto the bed right beside a sleeping Mapi. 

“Isabel! I said not to wake her up!” 

Ingrid frowned from her spot at the bedroom door, her forehead creasing further at Isabel’s defiant expression. The toddler turned back towards Mapi, shaking her shoulder rapidly. 

“Mami! Mami!” 

Ingrid rolled her eyes, releasing a loud sigh and shaking her head as the Spaniard rolled over, groaning as she opened her eyes. 

The past few days had been rough and Ingrid was sure Mapi hadn’t gotten more than three hours of sleep each day. The Norwegian was awoken constantly by the sound of her cries or her restless movements in the bed, but had stopped asking if she was ok after seeing the guilt on Mapi’s face at waking her up. 

It was an obvious question anyway, Mapi clearly was not ok.

She had been distant, often unfocused. The Norwegian had to take over the parenting ropes and she hadn’t left the Spaniard’s apartment, helping with cooking and cleaning and the other mundane housework that Mapi just didn’t have the energy to do. 

She would say a few words over meals, and quiet murmurs of gratitude throughout the day. Ingrid didn’t know how rapidly her notes app was filling up, full of dot points about how and what she would say to Ingrid. When she could bring up that conversation that she was so desperate yet so hesitant to have. 

“Morning Is.” The Spaniard rolled over, opening her arms up for the toddler as she fell into them, snuggling easily into her mother. 

“Mornin’ Mami!” 

Mapi smiled, looking over at Ingrid in the doorway and motioning for her to come and join them on the bed. Naturally, the Norwegian moved towards them, sitting up beside Mapi and resting her head on the centre back’s shoulder. 

“We were awake very early this morning, weren’t we Is?’

She rolled her eyes as the child nodded and Mapi bit back a laugh, squeezing Isabel softly. 

“You should have woken me.” Mapi smiled, planting a kiss on the side of Ingrid’s head, ignoring her scoff. 

“Ingrid said don’t wake you up, Mami!” Isabel interjected again, looking up at her mother. “But I missed you!” 

Mapi could only chuckle, planting a kiss on her child’s head. “I missed you too, my Is!”

It was a slow day, but one full of quiet laughter and happiness. The small family of three spent the late morning hours in bed, before getting up and heading down to the park and tiring the toddler out. She was exhausted by the time they got back, passing out on the sofa as Ingrid took off her shoes and Mapi scrubbed the mud out of her jacket. 

The girl had been put to bed by the time Mapi had returned from the laundry, Ingrid sat on the sofa with the remote in her hand. 

“What do you want to watch?”

She had heard Mapi walking towards the lounge room, apparently. The Spaniard didn’t enter immediately, instead steadying herself on the doorframe and taking a deep breath. 

The time had come, she realised. She couldn’t justify pushing this conversation away any longer, pretending that she wasn’t thinking about it when truthfully it was at the top of her mind at all times. 

She knew it wasn’t an easy conversation to have and she knew that it was going to be hard to bring it up. But that difficulty won’t ever go away, no matter how long she leaves it. If anything it will get harder over time because time gives her fears and anxieties an opportunity to grow, an opportunity to overcome her. 

And she was completely adamant that that would not happen. She would not be overcome by those terrors ever again. 

She realised she had paused in the doorway for too long when Ingrid turned around, a small frown settling on her face. 

“Are you ok?”

Mapi nodded, forcing a stressed smile onto her face and finally taking those steps inside, sitting herself on the sofa beside Ingrid and taking the remote from her hands. 

“Yes. No, but.. Yeah.” 

“Talk to me.”

And she did. She started at the beginning, all the way back when she was a small child and meeting Luis for the first time. She told Ingrid how they had been glued to each other’s sides forever, how they grew up and nothing ever changed. How grateful she was when Luis followed her to Barcelona, moving into his own apartment just a five minute walk away. 

The Spaniard reminisced on times where they would eat dinner on the floor of his unfinished apartment, takeaway boxes empty but the room still full of happiness and laughter. She showed Ingrid her tattoo, the little girl and boy on the playground that she had gotten to match with Luis. 

It was his first and only tattoo and he had only trusted Mapi to give it to him. She knew she had to get one the same and it was something they had treasured. A secret of sorts, a little thing that almost nobody knew about. 

The centre back explained how he had always been a paternal person, all the way back when they were those little kids on the playground. He would look out for everyone, act all big and strong to protect his friends even when he felt equally as terrified. He was the person that everyone went to as they got a bit older, his emotional nature and calm demeanour always popular among their peers. 

She told Ingrid that she always felt so lucky that even though he was so popular, she was still his best friend. She was always his number one and that only ever changed when Isabel came along. 

Isabel who was just as lovely as her boyfriend, another person that Mapi learned to love. 

Another person who proved time and time again that she was a mother. 

So she lamented on the heartbreak that the young couple experienced when they realised they couldn’t have a child, that parenthood seemed almost impossible. 

She explained her entire thought process to the Norwegian, how she debated with herself whether it was worth it to miss so much football during what could have been her peak years. Whether she would ever feel comfortable around a child that was half of her DNA, a child that she carried for nine months but technically didn’t belong to her. 

But Luis’ happiness was always the most important thing and when he rang her up for the 10th night in a row in tears, her decision was made for her. 

She told Ingrid how long it took to convince the couple to let her carry their child, having to go through the same arguments that she had with herself only weeks earlier, having to come up with rebuttals to their incredibly valid points. 

But it had only taken an emotional monologue from the Spaniard to convince them, all three of them sat in tears as they finally agreed to it. 

She talked her through the IVF process, every high and every low that she experienced. How easy the pregnancy was at the beginning, the only symptom her small bump and minor cravings. 

But she had Luis and she had Isabel at that point, both of them so incredibly grateful that they practically waited on the centre back’s hand and foot. It annoyed her, really, so she had kicked them out of her apartment, told them to only come over if she called them. 

For the most part, they respected that, only visiting once a week unless Mapi called them for the company. 

She admitted how much she regretted that deal, how she wished that she made them sit with her all day every day. 

Maybe then they wouldn’t have been in the car that day, maybe they would have been safe and sound in Mapi’s apartment. 

She couldn’t have known that their trip to Madrid would be fatal, there was no way of being able to foresee that and to stop them from going. 

Tears started to slip down her cheeks as she recalled what they told her over the phone, how both Isabel and Luis had been killed on impact. A drunk driver, it was, a drunk driver who was miraculously left unscathed. 

She talked Ingrid through her thoughts that followed the phone call, after she had sobbed and screamed. Once the tears had finally ceased and an unsettling silence fell upon her apartment. 

She felt lost, she felt alone. She wanted to call Luis because he was the person that made her feel better in these times, he was her company when it felt like her entire world was falling apart. 

But of course she couldn’t call Luis. She should have called someone else, her mother, her brother. Alexia, even. But that would be replacing her best friend, something she couldn’t bring herself to do. Not so soon after he had died. Not when the wound was so fresh, not before she even got the chance to process it. 

She admitted to her girlfriend that she still hadn’t really processed it, that it was still a work in progress. His death was one she would never understand, she didn’t think she ever would fully process the idea that he was gone. 

Ingrid let tears spill from her eyes as Mapi remembered how lonely she was for the next few weeks, how she realised that now she had this child that she was just supposed to be able to raise. How she felt entirely unprepared, unfit to be a mother, unequipped to be able to raise a child to a standard that Luis would be happy with. 

How she doubted herself even before Isabel was born.

When she gave birth it got so much harder, everything seemed so impossible and she couldn’t think about anything else other than that little life in her arms. 

She had fallen in love with the baby immediately, guilt overcoming her at her selfish gratitude that Isabel was a living reminder of Luis, she was someone that Mapi would always have. A living being that literally carried her father around with her. 

She told Ingrid how she saw his eyes as soon as they opened, the tape over her shattered heart doing little to protect it when it was forcefully thrown back on the ground at the reminder of everything she had lost. 

But as she spent more and more time with Isabel, as she watched the little girl grow up she could feel her heart building itself back together, little pieces at a time supergluing themselves together, creating an indestructible structure. 

Isabel had been the reason her heart was being fixed, the reason that she felt like she could finally breathe again, finally reunited with the organ that pumped the blood around her body, the organ that made her feel alive. 

She smiled through the tears as she recalled how alive she felt when Isabel took her first steps, when her first words tumbled right out of her mouth. As the child laughed, as she played with the cat. As she grew up into a child, something for Mapi to love, to be so incredibly proud of. 

Because Luis was gone and that was something that Mapi would never be ok with. 

But he left her the greatest gift of all time, like he knew that his best friend wouldn’t be ok without him. 

And similar to everything else he had done for Mapi through their lives, this gift, his daughter, had made sure that the blood never stopped pumping, that every single fragment of her shattered heart was still there, ready and waiting for its turn to be glued back into place. 

Isabel had done a good job of orchestrating the reconstruction, even if she had no idea what she was doing. 

“But then you came along, Ingrid, and you fixed my heart too.”

~~~~~~

alright this was very long

i've proofread a couple times and kinda hate this but it's as good as it will get :)

please let me know what you think! send me anything else you would like to see as well.

and i apologise for this taking so long, i have been very busy with uni (as usual) but on top of that i had surgery on my knee almost a week ago so am very tired and in a fair amount of pain at the minute

have a good day

[loudclan-clangen]

Fish in a birdcage for Rosehip amd Dodwood tho

YES

Bee is not one of the rogues himself, but two of his sons are! Also one of Butterfly's sons, and two of Coal's sons that he had after Fiercestripe left. They aren't really important to the story so they don't get names or anything, but I think that it makes everything a little bit more tragic that Fierce is fighting her nephews who she would have loved to watch grow up and might recognize her from when they were young.

2. Kingfur and Sockeyepelt would both be pretty devastated if Chumtail dies, she's similar to Dashpaw in that she's kinda the mediator between her two more polarized siblings. Really everyone who's up on the chopping block is the most stable of their family, meaning everyone is going to be very NORMAL after this, I'm sure. Also thank you!

3. Yes! There will be stickers of the mediator kids (especially now that you've asked). I'm drawing sketches based on what people have requested, and I'll make a post letting everyone know when they go up. Currently I have Weed, Siltsplash, the Mediator Kids, and some couple stickers in the works.

There were many factors in Fiercestripe's decision. 1. Thorn was 4 moons old by the time Fiercestripe left, so she was well past carrying size (especially with Fiercestripe being a small cat). Even if Wildfirecry could carry her, or she walked on her own, it would slow their pace significantly and require them to take more breaks, leading to the farm cats likely catching them. 2. If Fiercestripe had taken Thorn then the farm cats would have more justification to track them down and forcefully bring them back. It's one thing for a she-cat to leave, it's another for a she-cat to take her mate's kit with her. (part of why the farm cats have made it to loudclan now is because they're chasing a pregnant she-cat). 3. Wildfirecry hadn't agreed for Fiercestripe to come with him. He was a stranger who had stayed a couple nights with the farm cats and was just as likely to turn her away or harm her as he was to allow her to come with him. He would have been a lot less likely to agree to travel with her if she came with the responsibility of a kitten. 4. Wildfirecry and Fiercestripe did not have an easy journey. They didn't have a destination or a set path, they just wandered from place to place for years until they were convinced to join Loudclan. It's pretty likely that had Thorn been brought with them she would have frozen, starved, drowned or been eaten by a predator given that Wildfirecry was the only one with any hunting or fighting skill, and kittens aren't as tough as grown cats. All in all, bringing Thorn along wasn't really an option. Fiercestripe's only choices were leave Thorn or stay with the farm cats and hope that another outsider came along later when Thorn was grown. (Thorn's story is a bit different, Frost and Spider were outsiders who joined the farm cats later in life, so Frost knew how to hunt and fight, thus allowing them to wait for their kits to grow before they left.)

I designed them on my own! I find pretend genetics very fun and it gives me a chance to think more in depth about the rough backstories I have for these characters and how their childhood would have affected the way that we see them act in the story.

[spiritofpassionfruit]

A–Aventio TGCF idea?? Wherein Civil God Veritas Ratio meets the infamous Ghost King Aventurine during his first mission cuz cuz like— The "live for me" paralels?!? The one who has all the luck partner as well?!? The villain who was actually not the Villain this whole time!?!? The loving humanity a little too much it causes the downfall of a god?!?!?!?

Rant AU in the tags proceed with caution

[on-the-clear-blue]

Brain worms struck a nerve once more...

Just? Baby Dick, he is just so smol and full of hate.

I am just imagining this small 9 year old, taking on full aged adults and winning, then turning around and grinning like the devil at the remaining crooks

I just think Gotham Twitter would be like

Gothamite 1: Robin 4 is such angy, most stabby boy

Gothamite 2: He isn't even angry??? Like that boy is just autistic, I talked to him about proper pet care for like 45 minutes after getting mugged, Bats had a fucking 1000 mile stare.

Gothamite 3: If you want real angry Robin, you need to look at n.1 or @ Realwing. I was a goon for a bit out of collage, he broke 3 ribs and my collar bone by pushing me down the stairs and then jumping on me.

Gothamite 1: Can't see it, Nightwing is too pure.

Gothamite 2: He has fucking killed/brutally maimed people? Parasocial much??

And like, also more on Baby Dickie...that boy did not speak English as his main language until he came to live with Bruce, Halys circus tours in Europe mostly? Give me little Dickie just looking at Bruce with uncomprehending eyes as the man tries to explain that Dickie will be living with him.

Give me baby Dick with the cutest thick French accent as a boy (side note, have you seen children speak French? It's so fucking cute, they sound so fancy but still so very baby) Like I feel like he spoke a hodgepodge of languages with the carnies? Maybe that carries over to his Robin ages.

Robin, running up to Batman, cycling through 5 different languages and two dialects, then just holds out a frog to Bruce expectantly.

Bruce, who missed about every 3rd word and had to translate French, then German, then Portuguese and then Romani to English in a matter of seconds, "Yes...You may keep it."

Dick, giving Bruce a very concerned look, then to the frog, then to Bruce again "You...want to... to own it? Is it not...giftig? ruim para comer? " Groaning he flaps his hand trying to think of the right word, "Does not...work well with me? Make feel bad? Is sick?"

Bruce nodded slowly, "Poisonous or toxic is the word you are looking for Chum, no its just a cane Toad, Ce n'est pas toxique, c'est sans danger."

(Dickie does keep the toad, His name is Herr Haly and he lived very well in the gardens, he died not long after Jason came around)

Later when Dick went to do Teen Titans, the reason Starfires English is kinda messed up is because Dicks brain is hardwired for like four other things, and English was just the one she was looking for, he mentally translates every word from another language to English, so the grammar is a bit rough some times.

[writteninlunarlight-years]

The Things I Wanted To Say

This is part two of the story Things I Wish I Got To Say. This is another old one that I must have deleted when I purged my account when I went on hiatus.

You were like any other demon in hell. You were cold and calculating, standoffish and stubborn. It was cute, but I wouldn’t tell you that to your face. I knew you had your set ways in life, and I had mine. I never thought the day would come when I would never see that familiar smile again. Something so cherished in my time by your side that I refused to forget even in my new life.

I thought surely Charlie's magical ideas would never be actual or possible. However, her smile and joy were so contagious that I returned to that hotel countless times to help her achieve her dreams. See, when I died the first time, I was being attacked; in my defense from the attacker, I killed them, and I was cast to hell. It's an odd thing to be considered a sinner, but I wouldn’t change it for the world, especially since I got to see you all those days.

What hurt the most when I left hell wasn’t the sword to my chest or the ringing in my ears. It was knowing I would never see that smile again. That was the worst part of it all, honestly. I got so used to the sound of your static, the buzz of your voice, the joy hanging off your arms.

I still remember when you taught me how to dance. I was horrible at it, I know, but you made me feel like I was the best at it all the same. You made me feel the best at a lot of things, from dancing to cooking. You even let me write scripts for you a time or two. 

I still laugh when I remember how I told you ‘I Know’ when you confessed your love for me. Would you believe me if I told you I was just scared you were lying to me? Yet when you held me close after saying it, you washed all those worries away. I was fortunate to be there with you.

I sometimes still wish I listened to you that night when you begged me to run away. Maybe had I listened, I would still be by your side or have seen your smile. Yet I didn’t. Would you like to know why, my love? Because the thought of you dying without me was too heartbreaking to handle. I couldn’t imagine a life without you, yet here I was, making you live without me.

When I arrived in heaven with Pentious, everyone was shocked. These two angels were there, Emily and Sera. One sure looked more happy than the others. However, Pentious and I fought to make Charlie's dream a reality here in Heaven, too…I know she saw me up here when she visited last. Did she tell you I was alive and well?

Do you care I am alive and well?

I wish to see you again, my love…maybe one day, you will be redeemed as well.

To: My Radio Demon

From: Your Doe

A loud banging was heard at my door. I rushed to cover up my desk, and as I made my way to the door, I straightened myself out, whipping my eyes from the tears I let out. Charlie had brought me the letter that Alastor had written in my absence, and I felt compelled to respond even if he would never read it. Opening the door, I see the young Seriphem Emily standing before me with a bright smile. “OH, Y/N, YOU NEED TO COME WITH ME QUICK!” 

I laughed. She was always so happy when a new batch of hotel residents was redeemed. She always wanted Pentious or me to be there so we could help them adjust to this new life. “Em, please I…I have had a long day…How about you ask Pentious to go instead.” Though I hated to see her frown, she nodded in sad agreement. I closed the door and returned to my desk, looking at the two letters next to each other. When would Charlie be back to give this to him? Would he even read it? Does he hate me for dying? 

As thoughts swam through my head, I recounted the years since my arrival here in Heaven. Looking at all my new photos of my time and journey here, I wondered if my old room in Hell still had those photos from my time there. Charlie said Alastor wouldn’t let a soul into my room once I was gone. 

It took a lot of arguing and convincing to get the angels on Charlie's side even after we appeared here in Heaven. Yet I couldn’t be more proud of the progress all of us have made. Smiling, I let more tears fall. I missed you so much. As I let the dam of emotions release, I heard another knock at my door.

I hoped it wasn’t Emily, though I have always been kind; I knew my current temper would rival my old self in Hell. “EMILY GO AWAY I CAN’T GO OUT NOW!” 

I had so much sorrow and pleading in my voice that I hoped she understood. Yet the knocking continued, only growing more frantic. I sighed, not even bothering to clear my desk as I made my way to the door. Em had often seen me cry over Alastor, so why would this time be any different? 

As I opened the door, time seemed to freeze, to stop dead still. I couldn’t believe my eyes. A new wave of tears and emotions overran my being, and before I knew it, I was jumping into Alastors' arms.

“Hello, dear, long time no see. Did you miss me?” He spoke so clearly, with no static or radio edge. It was odd at first, but it made no difference; the man I loved was standing before me here right now. “Alastor! You are here! How? What?” As I spoke, I pulled away and saw he no longer sported the Red and Black of his typical look. No, he looked ethereal, angelic. Alastor had been redeemed, The Alastor, overlord, and soul owner was redeemed. “Well, my darling, it took a lot of work and quite a few freeing of souls to make this happen.” He smiled, but not the strained, forced smile; it was a regular, normal smile. I felt so at peace; my Alastor was back.

“Oh, Al, you did all of this for me?” He nodded his head, pulling me back into him once more. This time, over his shoulder, I could see a smiling Charlie, Pentious, and Em at our reunion. Pulling me back to face him, I yanked him into the room and closed the door. “Al, we have so much to catch up on; there is no time to waste.” A warm chuckle left his chest as he held me once more. We had all the time in the world now, safe from hell, contracts, and everything that wasn’t our pure, happy love.

I finally have the chance to tell him all the things I wanted to say…

[deancasbigbang]

Title: work song

Author: dothraki_shieldmaiden

Artist: tallula03

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Dean Winchester/Castiel

Length: 70000

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Tags: Murder Husbands, Revenge, Canon-Typical Violence, Break Up and Make Up, Mutual Pining, Getting Back Together, Criminal!Castiel, Angst with a Happy Ending

Posting Date: October 31, 2024

Summary: Two years ago, Dean Winchester's life came crashing to a halt when his boyfriend, Castiel Novak, died in a tragic accident. After painstakingly putting his life back together, Dean goes on a vacation with his best friend, where he sees a face he never thought he would see again. Now reunited, Castiel tells Dean the truth about his past and the reason for his disappearance. However, all is not well--Dean cannot move past Cas' betrayal and lies, and the ghosts from Cas' past refuse to remain there. With danger looming, Dean and Cas start on a mission of revenge and justice, but they're badly outnumbered. With the hurt of the past colliding with the fragile promise of the future, Dean and Castiel need to learn how to create a new path--or else risk being lost forever.

Excerpt: Dean settles on the edge of the couch, ready to jump away at a moment’s notice. The surrealness of the situation — him, talking to Castiel two years after he thought Cas died, furious instead of joyful, wanting nothing more than to flee from Cas as fast as he can — would flatten him if he thought about it for longer than two seconds.  So he just doesn’t think about it. He sits and he waits.  Cas takes a long time to get to the point, twisting his fingers around each other, so abruptly that Dean winces at the sharp pop of his knuckles. Cas stares at a stain on the carpet like the secrets to the universe are written in its oblong edges.  By the time Cas finally speaks, Dean is ready to jump out of his skin with anticipation. He’s ready for Cas to yell at him, to call him pathetic. He just wants Cas to say something, but he’s completely unprepared for what Cas does eventually say.  “You are…” Cas’ throat bobs as he says, with an inflection that sounds like something soft and small dying, “were… one of the most important things in my life. The most important thing in my life.”  Cas sounds so sincere. Dean could almost believe him.  “I never would have left if I had the choice. Those two years I spent with you… They were the happiest of my life.”  Cas takes a deep breath, fortifying himself. Dean does the same, rebuilding his wall that had started to crack at the first sign of Cas’ vulnerability. He’s imagining everything from Cas actually admitting that he’s just shit at breaking up with someone and couldn’t figure out a different way to end the relationship, to Cas saying that he had to flee due to problems with the IRS. “When I said you were in danger… Dean, I wasn’t lying. When I first met you, I had been on the run for over a year. I knew that staying with you was only tempting fate — bringing danger right to your doorstep — but I couldn’t help myself. You were so…” Castiel swallows. His hands are clasped so tightly together that his knuckles are bleeding white. “And for two years, I thought it might be all right. I thought… I thought maybe I was allowed to have you. But then I saw someone from my past, and I knew that if they had managed to find me, they could threaten you. They could hurt you.”  “Hurt me? Cas, I don’t—”  He doesn’t know what to expect, but he still couldn’t have prepared himself for what Cas says next.  “Dean, I was a member of the Archangel crime organization until it was taken over by Lucifer Morningstar. I was on the run because he put a bounty on my head, and I know you might not believe this, but the reason I left was to protect you.”  Fucking what?

DCBB 2024 Posting Schedule

[thisapplepielife]

Written for the @steddieholidaydrabbles pop-up Anniversary challenge.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Prompt: Anniversary | Word Count: 1000 | Rating: T | CW: Language | Tags: Future Fic, Eddie Munson Lives, Or Did He?, He Definitely Did Right?, A Glitch in the Matrix, Shifted Timelines, Parallel Universes, Sliding Doors

"What are you doing?" Eddie asks sleepily. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the familiar shape of Steve crossing along the foot of bed, heading towards the window. 

That isn't unusual. If Steve hears a siren, or a dog barking, anything, he crawls out of bed and heads to the window to look. But tonight, Eddie hadn't heard anything. 

"Huh?" Steve responds, from bed, next to Eddie.

Eddie looks again, expecting to see Steve bent over at the waist, looking out the window, but there's nothing there. Instead, Steve's in bed, and has clearly been asleep.

Eddie swallows. Maybe he was dreaming, "Sorry. I think I was dreaming," he says, hoping he can convince himself of that. He looks at the alarm clock on the nightstand, and it's just after three.

Steve chuckles, voice rough with sleep, and pulls the comforter up over his shoulder.

Eddie thinks, weird. 

But then it continues happening. 

All day, he's felt like there's someone just out of his line of sight, and that person seems a whole lot like Steve. Eddie isn't scared, per se. He's unnerved, for sure, but it feels like Steve. Not a ghost or a demon, or anything sinister. 

It's just like a second version of Steve is moving around the house, dancing along his peripheral vision, and Eddie is forced to only observe. 

It's not until later that he realizes the date: March 27th, 2006. 

It's the anniversary of his near death in the Upside Down. That can't be a coincidence. That's the day he was sure he was dying, if not already dead, and then he suddenly wasn't. The bites weren't that bad. All superficial. He barely even needed any medical attention at all.

Dustin had overreacted.

And, yeah, it felt hazy at first, but they all just blamed it on the stress and adrenaline he'd been pumped full of. Blamed it on the near death experience that wasn't actually that near death at all.

And now, he's seeing an echo, a ghost, of someone very much alive. 

There's a glitch in the matrix. 

Like when you see two people, strangers, on public transportation wearing the exact same shirt, sitting one row in front of the other. Only, Eddie's seeing Steve. A different version of Steve.

Eddie does a deep dive on the internet. Decides it's not a glitch in the matrix at all. Instead, he's pretty damn sure he's shifted timelines from the one where he died, to this new one where he didn't, and now they're bleeding together. All these years later.

Steve listens, patiently, and then kisses him on the top of the head, "Honey, I was there. You lived. I promise. 'Twas barely a scratch."

Eddie nods. 

Of course. Of course that's true. 

But he thinks maybe the other outcome was true, too.

Shadow Steve is getting more vibrant, and now Eddie can follow him around the house. Not really able to look at him straight on, but if he keeps the corner of his eye trained in his direction, he can see him for longer stretches.

He's the same, but different. 

Quieter, sadder. More alone. 

And there's no Eddie there. Eddie is 100% sure of that. 

He's gotta do something about this.

Eddie's sitting outside of Nancy's office when she comes out of the door.

"Eddie!" she says, surprised, but happy to see him. He's about to rain all over her parade.

"I'm dead. I'm in the wrong timeline," he says, and her face falls. She reaches out, and puts her hand on his forearm.

"C'mon," she says, and he gets in her car, and looks down at his hands.

"What's going on?" she finally asks.

"I'm seeing Steve, in the house," he explains, and she raises an eyebrow, and he laughs, "Not that Steve. Not my Steve. But he's there, too. He's good," he promises. Because he knows she'll worry.

"Start from the beginning," she urges, and he does. Telling her everything.

"It's just a glitch in the matrix," she assesses, and he shakes his head.

"It's not. It's too frequent. It wasn't a one and done deal. It wasn't a trick of the light, or a shadow. He's there. Just outta my sight. Like he's in a parallel universe."

"And you're sure it's Steve? Not something Upside Down-related?"

"It's Steve. I'm not scared of him. Because it's Steve."

Nancy follows him all the way back to Hawkins, then sits on the bed beside him. 

"Eddie," she says, and he shushes her. Taking her cheeks, forcing her to look in the direction he wants. It doesn't take long.

"There!" Eddie says, and Nancy gasps. 

Fuck. He was kinda hoping he was just losing his mind.

"You can see him?" he asks.

"I can see him. Barely. Out of the corner of my eye. It's definitely Steve."

Eddie sighs, "Told you. What the fuck do I do now?"

Steve can't see him. Eddie can. Nancy can. Robin can. Dustin can.

But, Steve? He just can't.

Nancy thinks it's because it is Steve. The same Steve. Just minding his own business in another timeline, that's now somehow bleeding into theirs. 

"Do you think this is lingering weirdness from the Upside Down?" Eddie asks.

"If it is, we should get El," Dustin suggests, and they all agree.

El takes one look at him, "That is Steve."

"Yes, we're aware," Eddie says, "how do we merge the two?"

"You cannot."

"Can we at least close the damn curtains?" Eddie doesn't want to keep seeing this Steve.

El thinks about that, "Maybe."

She forces Steve to hold her hands, and while reluctant, he's willing. For Eddie.

It's quiet, then Steve says, "Oh, whoa. That's me." Then, "Tingly."

And Shadow Steve fades away. Disappearing, like he'd never been there.

"Is he okay?" Eddie asks. He doesn't want any version of Steve to disappear. 

"Yes. Now you cannot see him. Not gone, just invisible again."

"Out of sight, out of mind?" Eddie asks. 

She nods, "Exactly."

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @steddieholidaydrabbles and follow along with the fun!

[dullgecko]

I was thinking about events after fantasy high and was wandering what it would be like 100ish years after.

Still alive would be

Fabian: looks to be around 65ish if he was a human. He’s settled down after having his own adventures at sea spends a lot of time with the remaining bad kids and his family having come to terms with the fact the he’s the last “mortal” bad kid left.

Adaine: still looks young as elves tend to do. Spends most of her time hopping from fallinel to elmvill doing oracle duties spends a lot of time attempting to help reforms in fallinel aided by the worshippers of galacaia who worship the late saint o’shaughnessy’s vision of the god. (She also raised Ayda after she reincarnated)

Fig: in her true form dosent look a day past when she became a archdevil but having fully come into her fiendish side she can shift her appearance often taking a form simmilar to a fiendish version of her mother. She spends most of her time in hell at the bottomless pit doing archdevil stuff. But makes sure to spend at least one day a week with Fabain and Adaine.

Passed away

Riz: spends his time working for the lower planer reconnoissance task force with his dad. He works closely with Fig in the hells and manages to sneak plenty of “coincidental” meeting with the other two bad kids when meeting with Fig.

Kristen: works in heaven providing guidance to Cassandra and Ankarnas followers. Also works closely with fig as Cassandra’s chosen she has a innate connection to Ankarnas’s Chosen

Gorgug: I think Gorgug just rests after death his life was so packed with working as both a barbarian and artificer teacher at Aguefort as well as Aguefort seeming go to him for issues. He still finds ways to talk to the bad kids with Kirsten and Cassandra’s help as he mostly stays in there afterlife.

There is absoloutly no way that even death would manage to separate them for more than a month at a time. Tops. They're a bonded set do not separate. Plus, if they're not keeping an eye on them Riz WILL work himself into a second death he already did it once before (there is absoloutly zero chance that Riz died of old age, either he gets killed by someone else or his shitty habits catch up to him early).

They all need mandated chill out time together to stop from going insane. Fig sets it up before the first of them dies, way back in highschool, with a forever binding pact (they all had a little bit of a freak out when they got drunk, started chatting and they all realised their life spans would be so wildly different). At least once a month, EVERY month, for the rest of time they have to spend at least a full day together as a group. Not even death can stop that.

[pocket-raven]

What's this au you speak of? Can we hear more about it? 👀

👀 You mean my radioapple murder husband au? One moment *screams into the void* YES YES

Okay, So where do I start? Well it does have a name: It's the Foresaken Lovers Au, so any further posts will refer to it as that. If I write it up however, it will have a different name. Haven't figured it out yet though. Anyways some basic details that i wish i could draw because then people might be more interested but for now you get my rambles instead.

Lucifer and Alastor grow up together in New Orleans. Think Tiana and Lottie from Princess and the Frog. But there is a few differences. Like the obvious racism from Lucifer's family/others around them.

Infact Cecelia (Alastor's mum) tells Alastor (who's like.. 5 when he and Lucifer first meet). Not to get too upset if Lucifer doesn't send him any letters.

Also Alastor and Lucifer are essentially childhood sweethearts in this tbh.

Lucifer is pretty much raised by Michael. Michael was a little shit/got into a lot of trouble so the family was like "You can look after your baby brother now" to teach him responsibility

This unfortunately leads to Lucifer actually be infantilized his entire life. Only Alastor and Cecelia treat him like a person and not some delicate Doll.

Now not spoiling the entire plot yet lol. But basically they grow up together. Kind of.

I really don't want to spoil much unless more people ask. But Lucifer is actually the first to kill someone. And doesn't bat an eye when he finds Alastor stabbing his father's body repeatedly. Infact Lucifer gets everything cleaned up and tells Alastor how to dump the body.

They have their first kiss after they dump his body in the bayou-

They don't actually start killing till Cecelia passes away and Alastor is at his breaking point.

Alastor kills, Lucifer cleans up. Thats it. Their both cannibals too

They both die within a week or two of eachother, but don't find eachother for a few months, nearly a year.

Vaggie fell to hell years before Alastor died. So she and Charlie are in a relationship and have opened the hotel already. Charlie is also just Liliths daughter. But they are the reason Alastor and Lucifer find eachother again

I can't think of anything else right now and this is already long, so I'll stop right here. And hope more people are interested lol

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Hiii! Do you think Harry stopped growing at 17? If he was as tall as James in DH I would imagine he was taller than his father. I have three brothers and my family is full of male cousins and they all had growth spurts after 17. I could see him growing another couple of inches after the war. His mind and body is finally at peace after 16 years. I always hc him to be 6’0-6’2 at the age of 21.

As far as Harry being scrawny… aren’t most teenage boys? My brothers were into sports and didn’t get into the gym until they were done with high school. With the profession he’s in I would assume fitness would be a requirement for the role. Yeah, you have a wand but what if it breaks or you lose it? He has a huge target on his back having defeated the darkest wizard of all time, and I can’t imagine him not learning how to physically defend himself and his loved ones. I don’t see him a huge buff gym junky, but I do see him as someone who has a lean athletic figure and someone who concentrates more on leg day than arm day. I think going to the gym would be an escape for him and help him decompress. I know the hp world prefer a shorter skinny hero (probably because of Daniel Radcliffe) who looks like an underdog, however every underdog grows up and barely anyone has the same physique as their teenage self.

Honestly, all this differs a lot with genetics. Harry's growth spurts in the books reminds me of my younger brother. Like, my brother was like 5'2 at 15, then, in like, one month near his 16th birthday, he grew to 5'10 and when he was around 19 he grew again by two inches. So, Harry could definitely still grow taller, but we don't really have a way to know.

Like, men can still grow in height until their late 20s, and it's possible James didn't even finish his growth since he died at 21, so he might've grown even taller if he survived to 25. Like, that's possible. I just don't really have evidence for or against besides saying, yes, it's possible, but I wouldn't call it likely since it's highly individual and based on genes. Like, I know guys who stopped growing at 16 and have been stuck at the same height since then. I also know guys who are 25 and still grow taller. It's the magic of genetics.

Muscle mass, physique, and the ability to gain weight are also heavily dependent on genetics and age. Men in their teens and early 20s usually have a much higher metabolic rate, which keeps them lean regardless of how much they eat (again, genetics play a big role here and this isn't true for everyone). Physical activity like Quidditch, would make the already fast metabolism faster. This naturally fast metabolism, combined with certain genetic makeup, can leave you looking lean regardless of how much you go to the gym as well. Some men need to reach their mid-20s before they can actually start gaining the weight necessary to appear buff.

I think Harry would look less lean as he got older. Like, I can hardly imagine a Harry in his mid to late 30s being as lean as 16-year-old Harry. I think his physique will change as he grows, as happens to most people. But I agree with you I don't see him as a super buff gym dude at any point in his life. He's always on the leaner side in my head, but this is all in headcanon territory since it isn't covered by the books.

I would like to add that all the super short and scrawny descriptions of Harry come from the first 4 books when these descriptions are correct. In book 6 Harry is thin, but no one describes him as a scrawny boy with knobbly knees past book 4. Not even he himself. So I definitely see Harry of the final 3 books as more lean than scrawny.

And yeah, you're right about Radcliffe messing up everyone's mental image of Harry, both in looks and personality. It's one of the things that bother me most about the movies. And, everyone can headcanon whatever they want, but I personally don't like short Harry (when he's older, when he's 14, make him short). It's not his canon character and when writers write him short, it's sometimes accompanied by him being written as too passive and meek for my liking because Harry James Potter is not passive or meek. (Radcliffe Harry in the movies is much more passive, hence the skewed mental image I mentioned, but I digress).

Besides, while malnourishment and food intake could affect one's growth, people tend to overlook the 6 years of Hogwarts and Molly's food which would be a huge boost during his puberty years in which he's having most of his growth. Additionally, some people's food intake matters less to their physical development than others — again, I can't stress enough how specific genetic makeup is super important in all this discussion.

TL;DR

Harry might grow taller to be 6' or 6'2. We don't have any evidence for or against really, so it's up to your preference on what you want to headcanon. But it's definitely super possible. If Lily was taller than the average it would even be likley (but I couldn't find any notes on Lily's or Petunia's height). In the books, he is very lean, and it's a combination of a lot of different factors working together: his lifestyle, genetic makeup, and yes, being a teenage boy with the fast metabolism that comes with it. As Harry grows up, he'd probably want to stay fit, but to what degree is also in personal headcanon territory (I personally don't like him becoming an Auror, but that's my preferred headcanon. I still see him staying pretty fit out of paranoia, sort of. I mean, he spent all his teenage years with a Damocles sword over his head. He literally died. I think he's allowed to be a little hypervigilant after that. I mean, he already is, but you get the point).

[nectarinesalt]

Cornflake Girl

...he showed up all wet on the rainy front step wearing shrapnel in his skin and the war he saw lives inside him still...

pairing: drafted/military/PTSD Eddie Munson x reader (whose brother died in the same war)

warnings: war, language, angst, death. terrible childhood, poverty. talk of domestic violence. eventual PTSD, eventual smut.

word count: 1k

author's note: slightly thinking about making this into a multi-chapter. tell me what you think.

~~~

The exhaust from the line of buses in the road choked you like the clammy, stone grip of Death himself. You found yourself in a trance - staring at the weeping mothers, the trembling young men - the only thing to shake you back to reality was a familiar firm grip on your own shaking fingers.

“...before you know it. Trust me, Wink.”

You stuttered over a response. “W-what?”

Your older brother Zeke raised an eyebrow at you with amusement. It’s the exact look that he had been giving you for weeks, and quite frankly, it pissed you off. How could you be so fucking casual about being drafted, Zeke?

In simple terms, the world as you knew it was ending. Your best friend, your big brother, your savior - he got that goddamned letter in the mail. 

Of course, Ezekiel Elliot Winkler didn’t bat an eye. Did he expect it? Well, you were sure he did. The newspapers talked about nothing but war. But… did Zeke want this? Your mind suddenly ran past all of the memories of the previous years; him and your father shoving each other around, Zeke ripping bottles of wine out of your mother’s frail hands. 

Your brother, only eleven months older than you, covering your ears in the stuffy closet you shared as your parents smashed dishes in the kitchen during a fight. You recalled how bad you shivered in the closet that night - probably because the furnace went out again, and no one had fixed it in months.

Probably as much as you shivered now. Zeke’s chocolate brown eyes were different from yours, lighter almost. His gaze flickered between your pathetic scowl and your hand, where your anxious thoughts manifested into a severe cuticle picking problem.

“C’mon, quit the picking, sis. How’s an engagement ring ever gonna look on a chewed up finger like that?” Zeke winked at you, knowing all too well that you swore off marriage over a year ago.

His sense of humor didn’t fade one bit, not even as the heavy bag slung over his shoulder. You helped him pack it the night before, last minute as always. 

You really want to pack this much? 

He smiled that toothy smile of his, dimples catching the shadow from the bare bulb above you both.

It’s all I got, Wink.

A deep gasp rose in your throat and you squeezed your eyes shut. Your memories escaped you suddenly, but then came rushing back with the enveloping squeeze of Zeke’s long arms lifting you a few inches off the cold pavement. He had always been at least half a head taller than you.

Ignoring the scrutinizing gaze of your mother, Zeke mumbled in your ear. “Just… hang in there. Please? Someone needs to take care of her while I’m gone.”

You fought the urge to argue, to protest. You didn’t want to watch over your drunken mother. You’d be eighteen within six months - who’d be responsible for her then? After all of the nights you both went to bed hungry, the narcissistic comments as puberty hit you like a semi truck. What the fuck did you owe her? 

She didn’t attend the funeral of your father when her car wrapped around a tree… only for her to walk away with nothing but bruises.

You were shocked that she had the motivation to leave the couch to send off Zeke. Hell, right now, you were stunned she was even slightly sober in the parking lot of Hawkins High School. But that was probably for her reputation's sake, not for her only son being drafted like a pig to the slaughter.

A sudden flash of silver caught your eye.

Snapping like a twig in the middle of a dry Indiana January, your neck craned instinctively towards the sight: two buses down, the flicker of a silver chain on the strap of a man’s duffel bag. 

Eddie. Your best friend.

Well, your former best friend. Before you had to start wearing a bra. Before your PMS and family stress turned you into a hormonal monster. Before he popped boners every time you smoked behind the bleachers with him during cheer practice. Before… before he did nothing but obsess over Chrissy Cunningham. 

You sighed.

Eddie Munson, born the same year, nearly the same damned month, as Zeke, got the letter in the mail, too. Duty called to him like a whisper in the night, beckoning him with a curling finger, looking at all of his failures, insecurities; Eddie didn’t think he truly had a future in Hawkins. So why not embrace the draft?

At least, that’s what you imagined it was like. Now, your puffy eyes drew to him like a magnet. Eddie looked drastically different, yet all the same. His hair was buzzed like it was when you were in 5th grade. He kept his back awkwardly straight as he spoke silently to his uncle, Wayne. That tiny family was always so good at trying to make life easier for each other. 

You silently begged them to let the walls down. Shed tears. Hug deeply. But no, nothing like that happened. 

Zeke said his farewell to your frigid mother as you focused on the sparse Munson family. Eddie held a firm grip on his uncle as he pulled him in for a brief embrace. As your childhood best friend turned for the bus, he immediately froze at the sight of you across the parking lot.

Fuck.

A whistle sounded nearby, tearing you from the invisible silver chain that connected you to Eddie.

“Zeke!” you choked out, refusing to let go of the strap on his bag. “Write to me. Please tell me you’ll write.”

“I thought you hated my handwriting?”

“Shut up!” You gripped his strap harder, pulling him forward in a gut-crushing hug, trying to ignore the feeling of Eddie’s eyes on you. 

The last thing you remembered was the easygoing smirk on Zeke’s face as he waved through the bus windows.

[cocktailjjrs]

So......

Since I've been suffering with these angsty thoughts... i though i would invite you all suffer with me...

It's about Chuuya...

I was doing some research for my fic (mainly going through bsd novels, blogs, tags and all) and came across this one Insta post in passing (sorry, i don't remember the name).

It was about BSD's cycles.

First, cycle of abuse, going from Mori-Dazai-Aku-Kyouka

and Second of rescue, going from Natsume-Oda-Dazai-Atsushi-Kyouka.

And then they highlighted a third category, the one's who are not saved - including Chuuya, Aku and Q.

At that point i didn't think much about it, just another post while scrolling Insta.

But now it's keeps bothering me, a constant reminder, whenever i read something BSD.

And It's so heart wrenching.

It also hit me, Q and Aku can still be saved.

Q, while we don't exactly know where they are right now, there is a chance of them getting their own arc, backstory and then being saved.

Aku, while still in Mafia, his partnership with Atsushi is his saving grace already. He is making an effort to not kill, just for their deal/bet. By the end of it all, he will be in a better place than he is now.

But Chuuya. (Spoiler's for light novel's if you haven't read them)

I remember very clearly, when in Stormbringer (don't ask me why i remember this byheart), when Murase dies Chuuya says, "Hey Detective, Weren’t you gonna arrest me?! Weren’t you gonna bring me into the world of light"

Don't get me wrong, I still believe Chuuya belongs to Port Mafia, the darkness suits him better than light.

But that does not mean he never wanted to get out of that darkness. This one instance in SB was proof enough. Makes me wonder, if things had gone even slightly differently, would he be in a better place than he is now? Is there still a chance?

What's even more tragic is that after the whole SB thing, no one seemed stick around enough to help him fight his own demons.

And he definitely has MASSIVE DEMONS.

His whole life seems to be one catastrophe after another! Don't believe me?

His first group, whom he called friends, betrayed him. Classic stabbed by poisonous knife in the back.

Hardly a year later, his second friends group, Flags, was killed by an emotionally unstable man-child seeking validation, insisting on calling him brother.

He went through a horrid ordeal, having to learn he was a lab experiment, seeing your clone vaporise to nothing but bones in your own arms, having to fight those same bones. And as if this was not enough, then fighting the monstrosity of a singularity and in process loosing the only chance to determine your humanity. (Actually whole of SB is dreadful, i don't think it'll ever get worse than that - i really hope it doesn't)

Then, given by the timeline, another year later, his third group of friends was killed by Shibusawa.

And again a year later - his partner, who brought him in all this madness, just fucking leaves without a word. This is the least tragic thing that has happened to the boy, i swear.

And I'm sure it didn't end there.

There must have been so many things going on behind the scenes in those missing years, hell even after the series began, Chuuya has been out of scene because something or the other was going on.

Now you have Fyodor fucking shit up for no apparent reason. With this shitshow, many mafia men, some of whom Chuuya might have developed a relation, are definitely dead. Not to mention the mental gymnastics going to trying to at least be on the same fucking chapter as the two geniuses.

AND ALL OF THIS IS JUST IN THE CURRENT TIMELINE. Don't get me started on BEAST VERSE!!! (That's a can of worms I'm really not ready to open at this point)

The thing with Mentally strong individuals is, they have abnormally high emotional intelligence, they are unnaturally resilient, they can compartmentalize their grief, they empathise with great deal of people, think rationally at any given point and think of ways to make things better.

What many people fail to understand is that no one is born Mentally strong, it's the circumstances that make them as such.

It can happen even through small things.

No one being there for you to express your deepest fears. No one just listening to you, even if they have a solution to your problem. Or having seen other's nightmares come to reality and feeling your own are much smaller, or having made to fell that way.

It creates the mentality of never sharing your fears, your insecurities, your discomfort - because at the back of the mind you keep telling yourself - oh, this person has gone through so much more than i have, my fear is nothing compared to it. I can handle it on my own, they have their own problems to handle. Everyone is busy, i don't think they have time to listen to the same problem I've been facing for years now. I've manages so far, i think I can manager just fine.

You start to undervalue your own feelings and start to fell like you'll burden them. Start to feel like you NEED to handle it on your own.

Now, i don't want to go into a spiral of mental health, but when you look at Chuuya, you can't help but marvel at that kids Mental resolution.

His first action after being stabbed in back was to make a deal with a demon to make sure he doesn't harm them, because they are just kids.

His first reaction to being provoked into revenge was to say Fuck off to his manipulator, not falling for the temptation and doing what he felt right.

He even forgave the killer of his friends (And also the one who tried to kill him) for gods sake! Understanding what he was going through.

He even walked away after knowing his parents are alive (oh the irony) not wanting to put a target on them. (I'm actually on fence with this, the chances of it being a manipulation tactic from Mori is just as high as it being the truth)

He had tremendous mental fortitude.

But you still see the cracks in his emotional state,

He was desperate to know if he was human or not, inclining towards the later.

He didn't know, that your friends can do some nice things without expecting anything in return. They can go above and beyond your regular stuff just because they are your friends, there doesn't need to be of anything at stake in friendship.

Hell, there was a point he believed having a Heart was too sophisticated for him, that he can't be that human!

I can go hours and hours about this.

What i can say for sure is, he has demons in all sizes, shapes and forms, something that he has stuffed in his closet only to deal with them himself, not letting them see the light of the day.

i just don't see anyone actually being there for him long enough for him to trust them fully with his demons.

No, not even Dazai. Dazai himself was a walking cry for help, like hell Chuuya is adding to that pile. He may have found a constant in Dazai in three years, seeing as all other's met their end in one. I believe in those three years, somewhere Soukoku began to feel like his safe place, somewhere he didn't had to think about his demons only by the virtue of dealing with one made of flesh and bones. But then even Dazai left.

I don't think even Kouyou was there for most part. And considering her obsession with a flowers of dark with Kyouka, i think it pulled Chuuya more in her own tragedy. Afterall, she also was never saved.

Mori is there, but Mori is a Demon in his own rights. What we've seen is their interactions have been those of a boss and his close confidents, nothing personal or emotional. Which also makes sense when you think of Mori's theory of running an organization. Chuuya, all things considered, the most powerful member of PM and he is treated as such.

The other significant members of PM, the guerrilla squad, black lizards or Kajji - all of them may know him better than most, but he is still their executive. If a 15 and younger kid took the title of being a protector of his rag-tag group seriously, being a responsible and dependable executive comes with higher stakes. He will carry out his role as one, even if it's the last thing he does.

.

.

.

That was me rambling.

My point is, i wanna give Chuuya a big hug, tell him it's okay to fell tried sometimes. To let himself be vulnerable. That his fears are not invalid. That he is not invalid. That he isn't the problem, never was.

That he will still be valued and wanted, even if he one day looses his ability or he is no longer the strongest.

Can someone please save his boy?

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Let's Just Breathe

A/N: Had this in my drafts for a while, finally decided to finish it.

Chrissy and Eddie had a moment at the picnic table, and then everything went to shit. Chrissy died. Eddie got accused of her murder and he was hunted down for it. When all was said and done, when the world was saved, Chrissy came back. Chrissy and the others hadn't really been dead to begin with, so it made it easy to clear Eddie of all charges.

Meanwhile, Steve and Eddie formed a connection when Steve carried him out of the Upside Down. Chrissy had watched from Eddie's hospital bedside as they started to fall for each other. Chrissy was just happy to have Eddie in her life, even if it was only as a friend, so she put her feelings for him on a back burner and let it cool. Slowly, Steve became part of her life, too, along with Robin and the rest of the party.

FIVE YEARS LATER. . .

Chrissy was now living in a shared apartment with Robin and Vickie. After everything that happened, they were all still a little codependent, and Chrissy doubted that would go away, not that she would want to. She actually felt like she had a real family and was even okay with being the fifth wheel. It was luck that they found two apartments for rent in the same building that they could afford, especially since they were across from each other. They had to practically beg Chrissy to come with them. She was very much a part of their group, after all.

"Gahh!" Eddie yelled as he walked into Chrissy's apartment.

She had just gotten home from teaching dance class to a bunch of four year olds and was now relaxing in front of the TV when Eddie came in. He plopped down next to her, pouting and sniffling. Chrissy turned off the TV and turned to him. It was still odd to see him with short hair. They had agreed to donate their hair a while back for children with cancer during a time when they didn't have money. It eventually became an annual thing. Eddie had just cut off his hair along with Chrissy and Vickie, so now they both had short hair. Robin and Steve's hair was still very long. Eddie's hair was starting to grow out a little.

"What's wrong, Eddie?" Chrissy asked.

"Ugh!" Eddie exclaimed again.

"Yeah, you said that when you came in," Chrissy replied.

"The denied our adoption application, and I think it's my fault although they didn't say that," Eddie said, rubbing his face with his hands.

"I didn't know you guys were trying to adopt," Chrissy said.

"Yeah, it was going to be a surprise when we got approved, but it looks like that's not going to happen," Eddie said. "Steve deserves to be a dad. He would be a great one, and I want to be a dad, too. I don't think it's going to happen, and it's my fault, Chrissy. I know it."

He was crying now, and Chrissy hated seeing him cry. If she could do something about it, then she would. She would totally give them a baby. . . Wait, she could give them a baby.

"Where's Steve?" Chrissy asked.

"Cooking angrily," Eddie muttered.

Chrissy pulled him up and started dragging him out of the apartment. Eddie yelped. She barged into their apartment, startling Steve, who had been sniffling at the stove. She closed the door behind Eddie.

"There are other ways to have a baby other than adopting," Chrissy said.

"Well, Eddie and I can't exactly do that. I don't know if you noticed," Steve said.

"I could give you guys a baby," Chrissy said.

Eddie choked on his saliva. Steve quickly turned off the stove and spun around to face Chrissy.

"What?" Steve asked. "You want to have sex with one of us?"

"I mean, it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. I mean, unless you want to. I was thinking more like a turkey baster, but I could have sex with one of you. . . Or both," Chrissy said.

"Both, huh?" Eddie asked.

"Well, I mean, you wouldn't be able to really know who's baby it is if you guys wanted to keep it a mystery. Doing it with both of you, it would be like both of you were making the baby. If that makes sense," Chrissy said.

"And there isn't anything in it for you if we did it that way?" Steve asked as he moved closer to her.

"I would be lying if I said that I never thought about it," Chrissy blushed. "But I know that you guys really want a baby."

"So, you'd really do this?" Eddie asked as he moved closer to her as well.

"Yeah, I'd do anything for you two. You'd make really great dads," Chrissy said.

"Well, you know if we did this, we wouldn't leave you out of this," Steve said.

"What?" She asked.

"You want to have a baby, too. We'd think you would be a good mom, too. . .unless you'd think it would be too weird," Eddie said.

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want to do this," Chrissy said with a smile. "Do you guys want to do this?"

Eddie and Steve shared a look before grinning wildly. Eddie hugged her tightly before pressing his lips to hers in a hard but gleeful kiss. Eddie moved back and let Steve do the same.

"But, you know, we don't have to do this right now," Steve said. "We could give it a few days."

"Well, that wouldn't make sense," Chrissy said as she began to unbutton her shirt. "It's perfect, actually, I'm ovulating as we speak. Oh. . .that's right, I took off my bra when I got home."

She slipped off her shirt and let it fall to the floor with an innocent smile. Eddie smirked at Steve before picking up Chrissy, letting her legs wrap around him.

"Steve, guide us to the bedroom," Eddie said.

Eddie smashed his lips to Chrissy's with Steve’s hand on his back, leading them to the bedroom. They fell on the bed, Steve falling with them.

A COUPLE OF MONTHS LATER. . .

Chrissy had been sent home early due to the fact she had thrown up even though she felt better once she did so. She entered the apartment to find Robin and Vickie curled up on the couch. It was their day off.

"You're home early," Vickie said.

"Yeah, they sent me home because I got sick. I'm pretty sure it was because of something I ate. I feel fine now," Chrissy said as she plopped down on the recliner.

"Well, I've been meaning to talk to you," Robin said, turning off the TV. "You know, we said a while back that we needed some alone time. It was just to celebrate Vickie's birthday. We love having you around."

"Of course, I know that," Chrissy laughed.

"Oh good," Robin said, relieved.

"I think Robin was worried because you've been spending a lot of time with Steve and Eddie," Vickie said.

They hadn't said anything to them about what they've been up to. She wasn't sure how they would even take it if they even knew that she was sleeping with them to help them make a baby. Although, the last few weeks have been great, and she tried not to get her hopes up, but it felt like she was slowly becoming a part of their relationship. When they weren't having sex, they were cuddling and kissing as well as holding hands. Sometimes, they just lay in bed and talked. Steve and Eddie even took her out to eat, calling it date night. Would that all be over once she got pregnant?

"I like spending time with them," Chrissy said.

"You've been spending the night," Robin said, narrowing her eyes at her. "I think I just figured out what's going on."

"You have?" Chrissy asked, her eyes wide.

"You guys are throwing me a surprise party for my own upcoming birthday, aren't you?" She asked.

"Yeah, that's it," Chrissy laughed. "You figured it out."

"Great, now, I'm going to tell you exactly what I want, and then you're going to casually mention it to the guys like it's your idea," Robin said.

"I feel like that's cheating. It ruins the point of a surprise party," Vickie said.

"Babe, it's already ruined. Chrissy already told me," Robin said. "This way, I get what I want."

"I guess it's going to be Eddie and Steve, who are the ones who will be expecting the surprise," Vickie said.

"It serves them right for stealing our roommate from us," Robin said.

Expecting. The word Vickie said swam around in Chrissy's head, and she gasped. Oh, she was an idiot. A very late idiot.

"Are you okay?" Vickie asked.

"Yeah, I just realized something," Chrissy said and got up. "I got to go!"

They watched her leave and Robin frowned at her girlfriend.

"Maybe you're also right, Vick, maybe she does have a secret lover," Robin said.

She had been gone for a long time. Chrissy had returned a while ago, but now she was sitting in her car, hoping for a positive outcome. She let out a breath and climbed out of the car. When she walked into her apartment, Eddie and Steve were there. Robin had her back to the door as she talked to them.

"Look, I'm really worried about her. She just took off, and now we don't - ," Robin started.

"I'm right here. No need to worry," Chrissy said.

"Chrissy, what the hell?" Robin asked.

"Are you okay?" Vickie asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Excuse me, I drank a bunch of water earlier, so. . . I need to use the bathroom," Chrissy said and most past them.

"Why are you going into the bathroom with a plastic baggy?" Robin asked and turned to the men. "Do you have any idea what this is about?"

"No clue," Steve shrugged.

Chrissy, meanwhile, bit her lip as she watched the clock on the bathroom wall. Please, please, please! She closed her eyes for a moment and took a calming breath before opening her eyes again. What are the odds, though, that it would happen on the first try? Dustin would probably be able to tell her. She ignored Robin knocking on the door and then the sound of Steve scolding her.

"Robin, privacy!" Steve exclaimed.

"She's been in there for a while!" Robin yelled. "I feel like you know something that I don't."

"I know about as much as you do," Steve said.

"Ha! You said about! Which implies that you know more than me!" Robin exclaimed.

"Maybe I know less than you do. Did you ever think of that?" Steve asked.

The kitchen timer that Chrissy had bought went off with a loud ding.

"Is that a fucking kitchen timer in there? Is she cooking something in the goddamn bathroom?" Robin asked.

Chrissy sighed and peered cautiously at the sticks on the counter. She squealed in delight and grabbed a stick off the counter. She opened the door to the bathroom and right into the hallway where everyone had gathered. She looked at Eddie and Steve. She beamed as she held up the white plastic stick.

"I'm pregnant!" Chrissy exclaimed.

Eddie and Steve froze for a moment before letting out a loud holler. They hugged her tightly, pressing kisses on her cheeks and then in her hair. Eddie pulled back before kissing her deeply and pulled away to allow Steve to do the same.

"What. The. Fuck?!" Robin exclaimed.

"Oh, Steve and I got your roommate pregnant," Eddie said, his eyes filled with tears.

"Explain, please," Vickie said.

"Well, you see Vickie, sometimes when two men love the same woman - " Eddie started to explain to Vickie.

"She knows how sex works, you dingus! She's a master at it, in fact," Robin exclaimed. "What she wants to know is when Chrissy joined your relationship."

"Oh, when the adoption fell through a couple of months ago, and she offered to carry our baby. We decided all three of us should just do it the old-fashioned way," Steve said.

"And it just felt right that she become a part of us too," Eddie grinned.

"So. . .Do you guys really want me to be with you?" Chrissy asked.

"Of course, did we not ask you?" Steve asked.

"No."

"Shit. . .baby, do you want to be our girlfriend?" Eddie asked.

"Yes!" She exclaimed happily.

Steve and Eddie hugged her tightly. When they moved back, Robin slugged them both in the arms before hugging them both.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me you guys were trying for a baby," Robin said.

"Well, I didn't want you to get disappointed when it didn't happen. I know how badly you've been wanting to wear that 'World's Worst Godmother' shirt since you found it in that store a while back," Steve said.

"You're a good platonic soulmate. . .well, sometimes. . . You're sleeping on the platonic couch for lying to me," Robin said.

"Congratulations, Chrissy!" Vickie squealed as she hugged her.

"Thank you," Chrissy said.

"Are you hoping Eddie's the biological father? I would, I couldn't imagine how you would be able to push Steve’s square headed baby out of your hoo-ha," Robin said.

"Hey! If my mother could do it with baby me, then so can Chrissy!" Steve exclaimed.

"Didn't your mother have to have surgery down there?"

"That was not my fault! That was for cosmetic reasons only!"

"I'm not worried," Chrissy giggled. "They both put in the work at the same time. They're both the father."

"Hey, what if they're twins? What if Steve’s the father of one and Eddie's the father of the other?" Robin asked.

"Don't be ridiculous, Robin. . . That would never happen. . ."

A FEW MONTHS LATER. . .

". . . I can't believe Robin was right," Chrissy pouted.

"She happened to be right about it being twins, sweetheart, not about the other thing," Eddie said. "And you said that it doesn't matter, right?"

"Yeah, it's just . . . " Chrissy trailed.

"She's gotten quite annoying riding high on that ego boost of hers," Eddie cackled.

"Yes! Now she's saying she can see the future!" Chrissy exclaimed. "I love her, but I am not naming one of our kids after her just because she can see it happening."

"I think you're just annoyed because you know it's definitely going to happen," Eddie said. "Or is it because you can't find a thing to wear?"

"Nothing hides my stomach!" Chrissy exclaimed.

She was standing in what was now their bedroom. She had moved into their apartment shortly after she found out she was pregnant. So, now Steve and Eddie's bedroom was hers too. Chrissy was standing in her bra and panties, looking at her reflection in the mirror. Eddie was sprawled out on the bed, watching her. Steve was busy at Robin's, helping Vickie put the finishing touches for Robin's birthday party.

"Why would you want to hide it? Weren't we planning on telling everyone when they got here?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, but not today. As annoying as she is right now, today is her day. It's all about her, and I'm not going to step on that," Chrissy said.

"Well, that's awfully sweet of you, baby," he said. "But I don't think you have any clothes that will hide them."

Chrissy glared at him before marching over to the closet and pulling out a giant white coat. She slipped it on.

"Oh, yeah, what about this?" She asked.

"Okay, that's Steve’s parka, and you look like a marshmallow," Eddie said, and she glared at him. "But a very cute and delicious marshmallow."

She took off the parka and put it back in the closet. She cradled her bump as she felt the babies move within her.

"They're moving. Hi, babies. Do you want to say hi to Daddy?" Chrissy cooed at her stomach.

She waddled over to him while he sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed. Eddie flashed his dimples as he placed his hands on her stomach, placing a kiss on in it.

"Hi, babies. It's Daddy. Papa isn't here right now. He's busy setting up for Auntie Robin's party. She's very demanding, but you'll find that out," Eddie sighed happily. "I know Mommy is probably going to miss having you live inside of her, but I can't wait to meet you."

"I can't wait either," Chrissy said and paused. "I think I'm just going to choose something comfortable but first. . . "

She sat down on his leg, straddling it as she kissed him deeply.

"I don't think we have time for this," Eddie said as he broke the kiss.

"Of course, we have time. They're not even finished setting up yet, and the party is right across the hall," Chrissy said in between kisses.

She rocked her hips, grinding against his leg.

"What about Steve?" Eddie asked.

"We've done this without him before," Chrissy said.

"Yeah, and he was extremely pouty," Eddie said.

She pressed her knee against his crotch and moved her lips to his neck.

"And isn't he just so cute when he pouts?" Chrissy asked.

"Yeah, he is . . . Okay, fine, let's be quick," Eddie groaned.

Chrissy pulled away from him and stood up.

"You know what, I'm suddenly not feeling it anymore," she said.

"Chrissy!"

"What? Is there a problem?"

"Yes!"

"It sounds like a problem you need to fix."

"Baby!"

"That's what you get for calling me a marshmallow," Chrissy pouted.

Eddie stood up, glared at her, and went into their en suite bathroom. Steve chose that moment to come in.

"Did I miss something?" Steve said.

"She's a devil of a woman, Steve! We're never getting her pregnant again. The baby hormones made her even more evil!" Eddie exclaimed and Chrissy giggled. "Oh, god!"

"Well, I recognize that sound. Starting to guess what happened here," Steve said.

"He called me a marshmallow," Chrissy said.

"Well, then he had it coming," Steve said and then laughed when he realized what he said.

"Oh, very funny, Steven! Don't you dare laugh at my suffering!"

"Having trouble finding an outfit?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," Chrissy said.

"Well, what about this top and this skirt. It's the same material that you said feels good against your skin," Steve said.

"Oooh, and the colors actually do look good together! That wasn't an outfit ten minutes ago, and then you come in here. . .it's an outfit! My hero!" Chrissy exclaimed, kissing him.

Steve grinned and leaned next to the bathroom door, rapping his knuckles against the door.

"Hey, we're done setting up. What about you? Did you finish?" Steve asked, and Chrissy giggled as she got dressed.

"Asshole," Eddie said as he opened the door, and then he saw Chrissy. "You look beautiful, darling."

"And comfy. Still mad at me for being evil?" Chrissy asked.

"No, in fact I love you more for it," Eddie said. "Menace."

"Takes one to know one," Chrissy said, and Eddie kissed her deeply.

They were, of course, the first ones there, seeing how they were just across the hall. She had been quite energized and excited for the party but now suddenly she was starting to feel a little tired. Chrissy yawned and then covered it up with a laugh when Robin came out of their bedroom wearing her World's Worst Godmother shirt.

"What? Well, I figured I would put this on since you're planning on upstaging my party with your pregnancy announcement," Robin said, and Chrissy cursed. "What? I was joking. I love that you're announcing you're having my god children at my party."

"No, it's not that, I'm just feeling tired all of a sudden," Chrissy said.

"Well, you're growing two life forms inside of you, I expect you're tired a lot," Robin said.

"Well, why don't you take a nap in your room - I mean, the guest room. People won't be here for a while," Vickie said.

"We'll wake you up when they're all here so that way you can just tell the story about how this happened all at once," Robin said.

"Smart," Chrissy said. "I think picking out clothes and messing with Eddie just wore me out."

"What did she do to you?"

"Nothing!"

When Chrissy woke up from her nap, she had to pee. She made her way to the ensuite bathroom, and when she pulled her underwear down, she discovered blood. Her mouth opened in a silent scream, and she quickly pulled her underwear up. Just as she was about to leave the bathroom, she heard Steve come in.

"You need any help, baby? Robin says she is not going to explain her shirt until you come out. Dustin thinks she's trying to bring back the whole "Steve is a mom" joke. Honey?" Steve asked.

"Steve. . .I'm bleeding," Chrissy said, as she tried so desperately to stay calm.

She could feel her heart race rapidly in her chest, and everything felt cold. What if she was losing the babies?

"Shit. Okay, don't panic," Steve said softly. "We're going to get you to the hospital, and everything's going to be okay. It's probably just spotting, but I think we'll both be relieved if a doctor tells us that. Okay?"

"Okay," Chrissy said softly.

"I love you," Steve said, cupping her face. "Breathe with me."

Eddie walked into the bedroom as Chrissy breathed with Steve.

"If you guys are fooling around without - what's going on?" Eddie asked.

"I need you to remain calm, Ed. Chrissy is bleeding, and we need to take her to the hospital," Steve said in a steady voice.

Calmly and smoothly, Eddie picked Chrissy up in his arms, cradling her to his chest. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and buried her face there, breathing in his scent to calm her down. Steve opened the door, where everyone was waiting for them.

"Is Chrissy okay?" Joyce asked.

"We have to take her to the hospital," Steve said. "She's bleeding."

"The babies!" Robin gasped.

"Don't you panic. If you panic, I panic," Steve said with tears in his eyes.

"Babies?!" Dustin asked, and everyone started talking at once.

"We don't have time for this," Eddie growled. "Robin, explain it to them."

Steve and Eddie moved out the door quickly with Chrissy. It left Robin and Vickie to explain the situation to the party. They stared at the group, and for once, they were speechless. It was Nancy who snapped them out of it.

"What babies are they talking about?" She asked.

"Uh, the babies Chrissy's pregnant with," Robin said. "Twins."

"Who's the father?" Jonathan asked.

"Uh, Steve and Eddie," Vickie replied.

"She's a surrogate?" Joyce asked.

"No," Robin said, shaking her head and wishing she had gone with them.

"They all put in the effort," Vickie said.

"What the hell does that mean?" Hopper asked.

"Well, sometimes when two men love the same woman . . . " Robin trailed off.

"Okay, so they all had sex," Hopper said, squinting his eyes at them.

"Are they all together?" Mike asked.

"Yes."

Once that had been explained, everyone started worrying about Chrissy. Argyle was trying to get everyone to relax, but not even his comforting presence could get them to. Suddenly, it felt like the world was ending all over again. Wayne, of course, had been the last to arrive and the last to know. He had burst out of there as soon as he was told and left for the hospital to be with his kids. The others would have followed if there hadn't been other kids here who were just as worried. Claudia stood next to Dustin and hugged him tightly. They were all legally adults now, except for Erica and Holly, but they were still all very young even more so when someone they loved was in trouble.

"Is there nothing that I can do?" Jane asked her mother.

"The only thing you can do is wait," Joyce said softly.

And wait, they did. The food was untouched, but Vickie made sure to preserve them. No one felt like eating or partying, and they all sat in uneasy silence. Eventually, Eddie and Steve came through the door with Chrissy, with Wayne following behind them.

"The girls are fine. It was just spotting," Eddie said, tears in his eyes.

"Oh, thank God!" Robin said and hugged them tightly before suddenly pulling back. "Wait. . .girls?"

"We're having girls," Chrissy said.

"Oh my God! We're having girls!" Robin exclaimed and hugged Steve tightly.

"We're having girls!" Steve exclaimed.

Everyone took turns to hug them all. Dustin clung to the three of them the most, tears in his eyes.

"I'm going to be an uncle!" Dustin exclaimed.

"Happy birthday, Robin," Chrissy said teasingly.

"Best birthday ever," Robin said tearfully.

"Congratulations, Chrissy," Nancy said with a smile.

"So, how exactly did this start?" Hopper asked.

"Well, when two men love the same woman. . .," Eddie started to explain, and Wayne promptly slapped him upside the head.

"Well, Steve and Eddie's application to adopt got rejected, so I volunteered to be their surrogate, but it turns out they both wanted more. . .we all wanted more," Chrissy said. "Especially me, I've been pining for Eddie for the last five years."

"Okay, you did NOT tell me that," Eddie said.

"I didn't?" She asked.

"No, you did not," he said.

"Well. . . Would it make you feel better to know that I've been pining for Steve for even longer?" Chrissy asked.

"No!" Steve and Eddie exclaimed.

"Well, we're here now," Steve said with a sigh as he pulled his partners to him. "That's all that matters."

MONTHS LATER. . .

Chrissy was starting her eighth month of pregnancy when her mother decided to visit. It had been years since she had last seen her, and she had hoped that her mother had changed. Her hopes had been dashed, however, when she opened the door.

"You and your children are going to burn in hell," Laura said, and Chrissy had slammed the door in her face. "CHRISTINE! You open this door! It's bad enough that we haven't seen you in years! It's worse that we had to hear about it from someone else that you're living in sin with a couple of f - "

Laura hadn't been able to finish the sentence because Chrissy had opened the door and punched her mother in the face. Laura fell to the floor, dazed, as her nose began to bleed. Chrissy took the opportunity to call the cops and then went back to her mother.

"Eddie and Steve are the best things that have ever happened to me. I am in love with them, and they are in love with me. I couldn't ask for better fathers to my children. They have made me happier than you and Dad ever did. They're my family, not you," Chrissy said. "I had really hoped you had changed. . .and by the way, your precious little girl isn't quite straight either. . .that's always been the case. I've fucked men. I've fucked women. I even fucked one of my fellow cheerleaders right in your bed. Have a nice life, Laura."

The entire exchange had wiled up the twins, and they kicked at her stomach as she waited inside for the cops to show up. Chrissy placed a hand on her stomach to calm her girls down before collapsing onto the couch to cry. The cops had left after gently questioning Chrissy and escorted her mother away, as she refused to leave, just as Eddie and Steve were coming home. They stumbled over each other as they tried to get to her even though she wasn't going anywhere at all. Chrissy couldn't help but laugh at them as they knelt in front of her.

"Are you okay?" Steve asked.

"I'm fine. Better than ever, actually," Chrissy grinned. "I got to punch my mom!"

"I didn't even know your mother was visiting," Eddie said.

"She called a while back, and I completely forgot," Chrissy said. "I didn't remember until after you left to pick up Wayne. . .uh, where is uncle Wayne?"

"I ain't as young as I used to be, darling," Wayne said as he came through the door. "Your fellas ran as soon as they saw the cop cars. So, you punch your mom, huh? Don't get up."

Wayne walked over to Chrissy and hugged her tightly.

"Yeah, she came for a visit, and I thought we could patch things up, but all she did was tell me that our children were going to hell. She was about to call Eddie and Steve a very nasty word, so I punched her, and then I told her I wasn't exactly straight myself," Chrissy said.

"What a bitch!" Eddie scowled and then his face softened. "Your mother, not you!"

"I knew who you were talking about, Eddie," Chrissy laughed.

"It's a shame that your mother is so full of hate, but one day, she's going to regret losing you," Wayne said. "You're a wonderful girl, and you're going to a better mother than she ever will. I'm so grateful to think of you like a daughter and so honored that when your kids are born, they'll get to call me Grandpa."

"Thank you, Uncle Wayne," Chrissy said as she cried.

"I love you, darling," Wayne said and pulled a bag out of his luggage. "Got you something for the little tykes."

"It's little hats!" Chrissy shrieked when she pulled two pink and red hats out of the bag.

"I figured they could start their own collection if they wanted to," Wayne said.

"You are not going to turn our children into hoarders. . .oh, but they're so cute!" Eddie exclaimed. "They're so wittle! Stebe! Wittle tiny hats for their heads!"

"I see that," Steve laughed in amusement.

"You guys are all that I need. You, Vickie, Robin. . .everyone. . .you're my family," Chrissy said. "I haven't needed my mom for a long time, and I am happy that I closed the chapter on that part of my life. I love you."

Later that night, after having dinner with the guys, Wayne, Vickie, and Robin, Chrissy was sprawled out on the bed with Eddie. He had fallen asleep across her stomach after reading to the babies. Steve had just finished cleaning up in the kitchen when he came into the bedroom to get ready for bed. Steve turned to Chrissy as he slipped off his pants.

"Are you sure that you're alright?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, I mean, I'm a little sad for her. She's always going to be this hateful woman, and she's just choosing to live her life like that," Chrissy said. "I don't want to do the same as her, so I'm not going to be angry with her, I'm choosing not to give a shit. If that's how she wants to live, that's on her. I'm going to focus on the wonderful life that I fought to have. . . That I continue to fight for. Our girls have plenty of women in their life to look up to."

"And the most important woman in their life, you," Steve said as he crawled across the bed to kiss her and then kiss her stomach.

He moved Eddie so he wasn't sleeping across her stomach, and Eddie flopped over on his side in his sleep.

"You're looking incredibly sexy tonight, Steven," Chrissy purred. "Want to do it against Eddie's back again?"

"What?!"

"Ha! I knew you weren't really sleeping," Chrissy said.

"I was until Steve moved me," Eddie said and flopped around to face them. "Please, tell me that you guys never fucked against my back while I was sleeping. . .Please tell me you're joking."

Chrissy and Steve giggled.

"Christine! Steven!"

A FEW WEEKS LATER. . .

" . . . Traitors, the lot of you!" Robin yelled.

"Oh, come on, you knew this was going to happen," Steve said as he packed up a box. "I know we put this off as much as possible, but we needed a bigger place for the babies."

"And Eddie's personality," Chrissy said as she waddled out of the bedroom.

"Oh, if you didn't look so adorable in those overalls of yours, I'd get you, Cunningham," Eddie said.

"Put me to work, boss," she grinned.

"You're already doing something," Eddie said. "You're creating life, and the doctor told you to take it easy."

"He also said that I can move around," Chrissy said.

"Mm, I just know the thing you can help me with," Eddie said.

He flicked on the radio and pulled her into his arms. Fire and Rain had just started. Chrissy bit her lip. Her favorite song. She didn't complain as Eddie her close and started to sway, singing along to the song. Chrissy smiled and laid her head on his shoulder. It was a bit difficult with her enormous belly, but they made it work. This would be the last time they would dance in this apartment.

"How is this helping you?" Chrissy asked.

"It's helping him get out of working," Ronnie's voice floated in. "We didn't come all this way just to watch you use your pregnant girlfriend as an excuse to get out of packing."

"I would never," Eddie gasped, and Chrissy pulled back to look at him.

"You so would," Chrissy said.

Gareth, Jeff, and Frankie had come in behind Ronnie to load up more boxes in the moving van downstairs. Ronnie had offered help immediately when she heard that her best friend was moving. She hadn't been able to get out of work lately, so she had taken the opportunity to see her best friend.

"I have done a lot of the packing while you've gotten all nostalgic and distracted by each little thing you put away. How about you pack and I dance with Chrissy?" Steve asked.

"Ugh, fine," Eddie sighed and pulled away. "Our lover doesn't want us to be together."

"I guess that makes us forbidden lovers," Chrissy teased.

"Christine! You know my romantic heart can't take it when you say such words!" Eddie exclaimed. "I'm supposed to be packing!"

Steve laughed as he pulled Chrissy into his arms, hugging her tightly as they swayed.

"I can't believe you're leaving us!" Robin exclaimed.

"They're not leaving us, babe. They're moving into a house with a yard. Don't you want our goddaughters to be able to run around?" Vickie asked.

"Don't try to be logical with me when I'm trying to be irrational," Robin said, and Vickie laughed.

Chrissy laughed with Steve, and she looked at him fondly. God, he was cute and funny. He's so amazing with kids already. They both were going to be such amazing fathers. She was so glad she could do this for them, for all three of them. She couldn't wait to see them in action, but she was also going to miss being a home for their kids. Even though the journey had been difficult and scary, she loved every minute of it. She was grateful that she had Steve and Eddie by her side.

"What?" Steve asked. "Do I have something on my face?"

"I love you," she said.

"I love you, too," Steve said, smiling softly at her.

"I'm going to miss this place," Chrissy said. "It was our first home together. This is where you two got me pregnant."

"Yeah, I'm going to miss this place too," Steve said.

"You guys did a great job knocking me up," Chrissy giggled. "You did it very well."

"Yeah?" Steve smirked. "You liked that, did you?"

"Very much," she said, sighing happily. "I'm going to miss being pregnant."

"Well, you know, if you ever want to do this again, it's always been your choice," Steve said.

"Well, not right away. . .but I think you should get pregnant next," Chrissy said with a teasing grin. "You'd look beautiful."

"Hell, yeah, he would!" Eddie exclaimed.

"Get back to work, Munson!" Robin yelled and Eddie hissed.

"I can't get pregnant," Steve rolled his eyes.

"We still have no idea what those bat bites did to us!" Eddie exclaimed.

"Munson!"

"You are not the boss of me, woman!" Eddie yelled. "That title belongs to Chrissy and Steve."

"Get back to work," Chrissy and Steve said, laughing.

"Yes, dears," he said.

Chrissy laughed, and she kissed Steve, sighing as he wrapped his arms around her to deepen the kiss.

"Hey!" Gareth yelled, causing them to break the kiss. "We did not come here to watch you two have sex!"

"Hey! You don't see me complaining whenever I watch them together!" Eddie exclaimed and cackled.

"Shut the hell up, Eddie, you're not funny," Gareth yelled and Chrissy laughed again.

With all of them helping out, they got everything packed up quicker than they thought they would have. Chrissy leaned against the moving truck, pressed between Eddie and Steve, staring at the apartment building. They each had a hand under her stomach, relieving some of her pressure.

"This is it. . .," Chrissy said tearfully.

"It was a good five years," Eddie said. "So many memories. . .so many fights. . . So much great sex. . ."

"Eddie!" Steve scolded.

"Remember when you rescued those puppies off the street, and it turned out to be coyotes?" Eddie asked Steve.

"Excuse me, that was you," Steve scoffed.

"Oh, yeah," Eddie said.

"Those puppies got into our apartment, and they peed all over Robin's shoes," Chrissy giggled.

"I guess you could say she was pissed," Eddie said and they laughed.

"Remember the Italian guy Chrissy dated?" Steve asked.

"Oh, God, I hated that guy," Eddie said.

"What? You did?!" Chrissy asked.

"Yeah, we both did. Turns out we were both jealous," Steve said. "I can't believe we didn't see it then."

"Better late than never," Chrissy said and sighed. "Remember when Robin put Nair in Steve's shampoo and blamed it on Eddie?"

"What?! That was you?!" Steve and Eddie shrieked.

"Oh, I thought you told them," Chrissy said.

"I might have forgotten to tell them," Robin said, smirking.

"Steve made me sleep on the couch for like a month!" Eddie shrieked.

"Yeah, it was hilarious," Robin snorted.

"Where was I for all of this?" Vickie asked.

"You were visiting relatives. I got bored," Robin said.

"Yeah, I'm never leaving you alone again," Vickie said.

"Oh, how awful for me," Robin said with a grin. "At least she's not abandoning me like you guys are."

"Stop being dramatic, Robin," Steve scoffed. "We're not even moving that far away."

"Whatever, Steven, I'm over it," Robin said, rolling her eyes, and then she grinned. "We've already replaced you, anyway."

"What does that mean?" Steve asked.

A loud honking startled them both. Chrissy looked around the moving van and was surprised to see Argyle's yellow van behind them with another moving truck behind him. God, she was surprised that Argyle was still driving that thing. Argyle popped his head out of the window.

"Happy moving day, brocachos!" Argyle yelled.

He got out of his van while Nancy and Jonathan got out of the moving van.

"You gave our apartment to Nancy, Jonathan, and Argyle?" Steve asked.

"We're in love!" Argyle yelled.

"You copying us, Wheeler?" Steve asked as they moved closer. "You know they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. You really want to be me!"

"In your dreams, Harrington!" Nancy taunted and Steve groaned.

"You're never going to let that go, are you?" Steve asked.

"Nope!"

"We figured our shit out long before you did," Jonathan said. "We just didn't tell anyone."

"Well, I hope you guys enjoy living there," Eddie grinned. "I know we did."

They gave the place one last look before thanking everyone before heading off to their new house.

A FEW DAYS LATER. . .

They hadn't gotten settled very long before Chrissy's water broke, and she went into labor. It was a grueling process for her. It was a while before they actually took her to the delivery room. She had to watch as several women went before her. Finally, several hours later, Chrissy was pushing, and the doctor was between her legs, prepared to catch the first baby.

"You're doing so great, honey," Steve coached. "Just breathe."

"I AM FUCKING BREATHING!" Chrissy screamed and then she paused, crying. "I'm so sorry, you don't deserve that. I love you. You're doing so great as well."

As she pushed, she grabbed a hold of Eddie's shirt, and he let out a cry of pain.

"MY CHEST HAIR!" Eddie screamed.

"WHAT CHEST HAIR?! YOU'RE NOT STEVE!" Chrissy yelled. "YOU THINK THAT HURTS - oh, baby, I'm so sorry. I swear I told myself I wasn't going to be like this - OH FUCK, THIS HURTS! JESUS H CHRIST!"

Chrissy rolled her eyes and for a moment she shared a smile with Eddie. Yeah, he was definitely rubbing off on her. The first baby girl came out and Eddie scurried over to watch over them while they cleaned her off. Steve stayed with Chrissy, holding her hand as they took care of their daughter. A few minutes later their second daughter was born and residing next to her sister. A moment later, Chrissy was holding both of them in her arms and she couldn't stop crying. She never loved anyone the way she loved these babies.

"I'm sorry, Steve and Chrissy," Eddie sniffled. "I love them more than you two now."

"Totally understandable, I definitely love them more than you two," Steve said as held one of their hands.

"You should hold them," Chrissy said.

"Okay, no, I'm definitely going to break them," Eddie said and wiped away tears. "Who decided that I should be a father?!"

"We did," Steve and Chrissy said.

"You're not going to break them," Chrissy said. "I love you; you're going to be a great father. Pick up your daughter."

Eddie nodded and picked up his daughter while Steve picked up the other twin. Chrissy smiled as she watched them both. Yes, this was definitely the best decision she had ever made.

"Steve, baby," Eddie sniffled.

"Yeah?" Steve asked, his voice thick with emotion.

"Is this what being mugged feels like?" he asked.

"What?" Steve and Chrissy asked in confusion.

"I'm looking at her and I want to give her everything that I have," he said. "Yeah, this is definitely a stick up. My sweet little heart thief."

"I had no clue where that was going," Steve cried. "But that was so sweet! We've just been mugged."

They were all laughing when Wayne, Robin, Vickie and Ronnie came in. Chrissy was glad that Ronnie was able to stay just a few more days.

"You ready to meet your grandkids, Uncle Wayne?" Eddie asked.

Wayne had already been crying. Chrissy could tell by his red rimmed eyes.

"Who's this little darling?" Wayne asked.

"This one is Wynona Robin Harrington Munson," Eddie said. "Chrissy came up with Wynona, it was the closet name to Wayne that she could find."

"Oh, sweetheart, you didn't have to do that," Wayne said.

"I wanted to," Chrissy said.

"You mean a lot to all of us," Steve said. "Of course, you're in there too, Robin."

"Oh my god! Okay, I'm going to be cool, I'm going to be cool," Robin said and looked at Wynona over Eddie's other shoulder. "Hi, baby birdie."

"This little girl is Elizabeth Veronica Harrington Munson," Steve said. "If anyone was wondering."

"Veronica?" Ronnie asked with wide brown eyes, that were so much like Eddie's.

"You think that I'm not going to name one of my kids after my own platonic soulmate?" Eddie grinned. "You've been my best friend since we were eight years old. Of course, it's Veronica."

"Oh, hell," Ronnie said, her eyes filled with tears and taking off her corduroy ball cap.

Chrissy smiled, surrounded by most of her family, and she couldn't help but think about how they all got there. She wondered if they had all gotten there sooner if she had been quicker in asking Steve out before he asked out Nancy. Sure, she would have gotten with Steve, and getting with Jason would have never happened. Maybe if she hadn't listened to her mother and continued hanging out with Eddie at the talent show, but she couldn't dwell on that. . .they were all here now. Despite all of the heartache that happened, everyone came out on top.

"Is it just me, or does Wynona look like Eddie and Elizabeth look like Steve?"

"Robin!"

. . . Oh, I'm a lucky man to count on both hands, the ones I love. Some folks just have one. Yeah, others, they got none. Stay with me. Let's just breathe.

[zahri-melitor]

I don't believe Joshua Williamson is acting on his own accord strictly when it comes to shoving Damian forward as the only actual son, i think that was DC's intent. And it's why i think Damian should have never been kept as a recurring character in the main cast, he should have died back when Grant Morrison intended in Damian's initial conception.

If they were going to have another Robin he shouldn't have been related to Bruce.

Ink has a very good post that goes into how Williamson's characterisation in this manner is actually out of step with what's going on in a bunch of contemporaneous titles written by other writers. In this circumstance, it's very much more likely to be the writer rather than editorial, because even though Williamson's remit with the titles is to be focused on Damian, the problem can be seen particularly in the lack of care with how Williamson treats the other Batfam characters he has appear, and how he describes their relationships in a manner that suggests that really Bruce has a son who is more important than any of the adopted children.

Like, let's take the Bruce and Lex scene I just complained about. It would have taken a single word balloon for Bruce to push back with "you mean my son" there, after Lex (the person who killed Dick Grayson on panel) completely waives Dick and Bruce's relationship's depth away with the term "former ward". The only reason anyone should be using the term "former ward" for Dick and Bruce in a comic set at any point after Gotham Knights #17, a comic that came out in May 2001, is to be an enormous asshole and be corrected about their actual relationship. This scene from Williamson came out twenty one years after Dick was adopted.

Five months earlier, in Nightwing #84, during Fear State, Tom Taylor specifically has Bruce say to Dick "I watched my parents die in that alley. I wasn't going to let that happen to my son."

There may very well be people in editorial who want to push the Only Blood Son agenda, but it's certainly not consistent and it's certainly not a mandate people are being held to, because if it was we wouldn't have so many examples in the opposite direction.

This has been something that's been a niggling issue with Williamson's writing since he started on the Bat books. It's been a problem again as recently as Batman & Robin #12 2023, which came out on 14 August 2024, where Williamson frames significant retcons around Alfred and Damian's relationship that not only present characterisation that the two frequently did not display in the periods called out, but in one in particular specifically removes both Dick and Tim's agency and position in the narrative at that time (the R.I.P. flashback).

It's honestly just petty at this point.

[ryo-kaikura]

Yandere Sebastian Michaelis x Dom(?)male reader

My feelings for him caught on so I'm writing this.

Idk this just came to mind and this was from four or three years ago

One day, you wake up, your body similar to the body you had. You know you died, you saw that ‘God’ or whatever they called themselves. It looked horrific but mesmerizing but they said something along the lines of “it's a mistake” “Game she likes”. 

After arriving it seems that they were talking about your sister's favorite otome game with black butler, a popular anime after it was released for a while but some of the characters were good looking. You always felt a connection with one of the characters, Sebastian Michaelis. 

After you composed yourself, you realize your character is the soft dom butler in love and sorta obsessed with Sebastian then when the MC came and she made you realize he didn't like you, you become obsessed with the MC then one night a mysterious vampire was hungry and drained you, you died in a very tragic and painful way. 

Well you didn't want that and you realize this was months before the MC came to the manor so when you started to work, you slowly distanced yourself from Sebastian.

One day, Sebastian asked to talk to you. He was asking why you seem colder and will it affect your work performance. You, with a “did you hit your head or something” Look, questioned why he would care cause all the staff barely do they're work right and he could do it all again in a second. He then dismisses you. After that you returned to your job while slowly only asking or answering Sebastian when you needed his help or when he needed your assistance. 

Sebastian, after the conversation, questions himself ‘why did i care if he's cold to me’ ‘it didn't even affect the job?’. Later that night Sebastian asked if you liked him. You answered the truth that you used to but you decided to stop your feelings before it got too far. Little did Sebastian or you know, this little conversation would spark a wildfire. 

After a while Sebastian felt that he needed to have your attention on him again. He felt that without your attention he felt something was amiss so he decided to get your attention but it all failed with either a questioning look or other staff praising him. A month passed, the MC still had a few couple months before she arrives but just to prepare for the vampire you started to workout, guess being a “soft dom” Helped cause your strength and muscle mass increase quite fast and you suddenly was able to rip metal, you had to apologize quite a lot cause of that. (The workout was in the course of the month) 

A week later and it was your turn to go shopping in the town for snacks and delicacies that the servants and young earl Phantomhive wanted. After getting what they wanted and ordering for the rest to be sent and some to be brought later, you go and pick the thing you want and for some reason you decide getting some peroxide would be useful. After getting the rest of the items, it turns out it was already late. 

While walking to your horse you felt like someone was watching you or stalking you. You decided if it was a human you could beat them. So you went into an alley. When you look back you saw a… … … Vampire?????

Why did it arrive now??? Wasn't your death by blood drainage months later???? When the vampire attacked you, you felt nothing. Not fear, not adrenaline, nothing. After being pounced on, you felt your life flash before you eyes, the life of a butler over the course of two months. But feeling like this vampire is weak and testing that theory, you decide to pull him off and bite his neck (like "UNO REVERSE B*TCH" type of thing), after he is stunned, you grab his heart and start to rip it to shreds, somewhere in the middle you feel the heart stop beating. 

(I don't really know the other ways to kill a vampire so i just took a theory that you need to stab they're heart with a stake and make it tha even if it's not inside the body, the vampire could still live and just go off that) 

When you woke up, it was in the same room you woke everyday for the past 2 months, your room, and you didn't feel any pain. When you saw yourself in the mirror you saw a body that went from ‘soft dom’ to ‘daddy dom’ (even I'm having secondhand embarrassment). Your body used to have a layer of fat covering your abs but now you're ripped. After thinking how you got back, a memory flashed. You suddenly remember subconsciously bringing the snacks back and cleaning your clothes of any blood with the peroxide. 

Feeling nothing is wrong you decide to continue working. While working you felt that Sebastian has been acting strange, he acted like you're disgusting but also he's in love with you. You didn't know why until you saw Baldroy accidentally cut his finger and wanting to suck it up, you turned into a vampire. You decide nothing of it until that night you had a dream of the ‘God’. 

They said that it was going off course but this was more entertaining so They would let it be and both you and ‘him’ are entertaining to watch. You woke up at midnight confused. When you tried to sleep again you felt thirsty but you didn't want to drink blood like dracula style. So you decide to go to the kitchen. When you were about to go take a glass you saw on the table a red liquid, you already know what it is just by smell but your body felt like it forced itself to go by instinct and gulped it down your throat. Afterwards you felt like you could go to sleep

The next day, you wake up energized and excited so you were able to finish your job early and decided to rest. A few moments later Sebastian passed by. He decided to ask if you're a vampire and he assured you that he would harm you and you showed signs of knowing he is a demon (i think). 

After telling him, Sebastian seems to reassures himself for some reason and then says, there's a guest that comes from France and he hoped you could help the others from making a mess while he helps the young master. You didn't see why not so you helped the others but it seems before you had arrived they had already made a mess. You decided to clean up while waiting for Sebastian to show up as usually he has a plan for all this. 

Well that ended quite happily with the guest running and falling to his carriage. Though with that experience you realize your senses have quadrupled and you could hear almost half the manor if you were in front of it quite clearly if you tried. But it seems sometimes when you don't deliberately try to hear it just goes 3 meters around you clearly. Suddenly you woke up again at midnight thirsty and you saw the same cup filled with blood on the same spot. You thought nothing of it as your body just swallowed the blood like chugging a beer. 

Two months past and there is only two months left before the MC of this game arrives for a “my uncle house burned so he sent me here because your father was close to my uncle and you father owes us something in return of saving his life” quite cliche but ok. But the most surprising thing is that you have slowly fallen in love with Sebastian Michaelis over this past month for no reason!!!! Sure it could be after you turn into a vampire you stopped distancing yourself but how could your heart beat for that heartless demon TT. 

After a few days, you decide to confess as it's best to get your feeling destroyed now than later 🙃. After asking Sebastian to meet you at the kitchen, you waited for the agreed upon time and a few minutes before you saw Sebastian. When you finally said the words, you were hoping Sebastian would dump you by saying things like “a relationship between servants is not ideal for a healthy environment” Or “I'm not looking for a love life, sorry” But it shocked you, Sebastian said that he has had the same feelings for a WHILE!!!. Oh well, guess we're dating now 😬🤭. 

Though somehow your dom character made Sebastian to a sub in the relationship as you thought impossible (i just like making a canonly dom man to a sub😋😓). So he moved into your room and somehow the bed magically got bigger. 

When the day comes for the MC to arrive. You were right beside Sebastian as your relationship still stands and it's strong with Sebastian's subtle jealousy and possessiveness and young master Ciel's permission😭. When MC arrived she was different. She didn't come with a white lotus facade but she came in strong and asked for a job???? 

Afterwards,I thought she would accuse me of stealing Sebastian or something but she didn't care, all she cared about was books and doing her job. Soon she came to me to talk but she didn't sound like she despised me and somehow I accidentally told her you were reincarnated. Then she said she did as well. When we talked about what and where you’re from it turns out this world is currently a BL book and the main character is you. Though whenever she says something that hasn't happened yet you can't seem to hear or understand her. Her writing looks gibberish her words sounds messed up but she's always warning you about something. 

One day you saw her talk to Sebastian about something she knows he's doing and asking him to stop. And Sebastian laughing and telling you won't believe her and you won't even be able to hear her. You decide to ignore and continue working. Later that evening you decide to rest, the MC named Alice (i forgot to name her) meet you and told you something shocking and you were able to hear her completely

the day after you turned into a Vampire, What you didn't know was that Sebastian knew the moment a vampire got inside the house but didn't know who until you showed up to work. He was confused on how you became a vampire and disgusted by the thought of being a vampire but the moment he knew it was you, he decided not to care. That evening, after the young master was still working, Sebastian decided to read about vampires. 

Suddenly he saw a book, the book felt it was calling him. When he picked it up and read it, he saw a bold text. 

“ A VAMPIRE WILL FALL MADLY IN LOVE WITH A DEMON/DEVIL IF THEY SO MUCH AS A DROP EVERY DAY FOR TWO MONTHS” (works with angels blood too~) 

Sebastian read the rest of the article saying things like “because to a vampire, a demon’s/devil's blood is like a love potion that if the two months pass, they will never truly hate the demon/devil. Angels have weaker effects because blah blah blah blah” Like being struck by lightning Sebastian knew what to do to poor you. (The “blah blah” is just what Sebastian stopped caring about).

After hearing everything, it all clicked in your head. How you suddenly liked him, how suddenly there was a cup of blood after you turned a vampire and also how suddenly you always felt drinking Sebastian's blood made you fall deeper for him but you thought nothing of it because you trusted him.

you decide to confront him but when you meet him,he was smiling, smirking, unbothered and when you saw his eyes you could think of anything else. Why were you angry, why were you enraged, what made you enraged. After a while of staring into his demonic eyes you snapped out of it. You remembered and asked Him the reason why he did this. He answered that it was because you didn't want to like him anymore so he felt something was missing so he decided to take matters into his own hands and take you for himself.

Usually you would feel betrayed but you felt nothing but affection for the person in front of you for unknown reasons. When you thought of what happened  it felt like everything was erased and written back in a way that Sebastian was seen as the perfect man out there, no flaw in his logic, no problem in his love. You felt it was right to be with him.

When you stop thinking, suddenly your body moves, you move in the direction of Sebastian. You feel the need to drink his blood. He then realizes, his blood isn't only a love potion but it's an addiction, where you can't get anywhere else. 

After Sebastian was able to shoo Alice out of the Phantomhive manor, he was delighted with the new found knowledge. He feels the rush of edging you when you disagree with him and rewarding you with his blood when you can't stop trying to drink his blood. 

He would whine and act pitiful to you, pulling your heartstring but you still lead the relationship but the only reason the relationship even last his Sebastian’s blood

After Sebastian eats Ciel’s soul, he makes a contract with you, as you still had your  soul as you didn't die from being bitten by a vampire. And so the both of you stay together with you leading and slowly falling in love with Sebastian and Sebastian getting more and more obsessed with You

___________________________________________

Sorry for not continuing the other story, I had a massive block and can't come up with things to continue the story. I might scratch the one I'm currently writing and re write it for the nth time

[asexualjedi]

My friend posted about how he regrets every day not going to the burial of our friend who died by suicide and. It. I also didn’t go and. Made me feel like if I was wrong to do so. Idk I just. I was falling apart and didn’t want to fall apart in front of his family as they were going through so much and I did not know his family well at all and I wonder if that truly was the best move or if I was just centering myself. Idk.