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trans-luis-serra-navarro · 11 months

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TELL ME ABOUT TRANS LUIS!!! I WANT HIM TO BE TRANS SO BAD! (Also he has a giant neon sign over his head that says gay, this man reeks of homosexual)

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE OMG HEYYYYY HIIIIIII HELLOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I’m SOOOOOO sorry this took so long I had SO MANY THOUGHTS!!!!! I plan on SOMEDAY Doing Like. A properly credited and researched document on why I think Luis is trans so this post is more or less kind of a tl;dr rather than a super proper read?????????? And ofc obligatory ‘this is just my own reading and personal interpretation if you disagree please just keep your opinion to yourself!!!!!’

Also this isn’t proofread like. At ALL so please ignore any sentences that seem wonky or weird HDBEHENDUDJX

ALSO also I do NOT give permission for this post to be screenshotted or reposted ANYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!! No part of this!! Don’t steal!!

Trigger warning for just general mentions of transphobia, religious transphobia and also I talk the death statistics for trans people near the end, so please keep that in mind when reading!!

Ok so, I’m gonna try and put this as chronologically as possible BXBSHDNSHDND but starting at the beginning from when Luis was little there’s already a few things we can pick up on

Luis has a pretty unorthodox family; his mum died when he was little and his dad left so he had to be raised by his Grandfather, and, ask any Trans person around you and they’ll tell you it’s oftentimes the people in their lives who weren’t their direct parents who decided to pick them up and raise them and accept them as they truly are- I feel like you could probably read this with Luis’ grandfather if you really wanted to, too. From what we can TEEEEEEELLL Luis held his grandfather and the memory of him very near and dear to his heart (ie referencing him in conversation, saying ‘not again’ when the medicine burns in seperate ways etc) so you could probably guess that maybe Luis’ grandfather was a surprisingly accepting figure in Luis’ life!!!!!

Which would also line up with the little we know about him- their house was somewhat far away from the rest of the village and from what the notes about him read, his grandfather was a bit of an outcast????? It seemed like the only person who checked in on him regularly was Bitorez- once again, another positive male figure in Luis’ life that he could theoretically look up to and admire.

AND we know that Luis’ grandfather encouraged his love for science and biology- something that prooooobably would’ve been frowned upon in a super conservative catholic glorified cult. So already, Luis and his Grandfather are a bit unorthodox in the setting they live in.

Then we cut to Don Quixote; obviously there’s a LOT to dissect about Luis and his love for that book, and it’s pretty common knowledge how,,,,,,,,, g a y that book is HXNEHENEUDIX like MAAAAAANY-a historians have already pointed that out I don’t need to beat a dead horse but ask literally any trans person around you and they’ll tell you about how they had a fascination with like,, Warrior Cats or Animorphs or Percy Jackson or Peter Pan growing up only to find out they were trans later. Trans kids are pretty drawn to books with unlikely protagonists who don’t fit the usual stereotypes and go on adventures with a whacky misfit family they formed by themselves- and Don Quixote kiiiiiiiiiiiinda falls under that pattern????? It’s a REALLY weird book and I wanna get into why later but it wouldn’t be shocking to assume that Luis probably grasped onto that idea of finding love and acceptance even though he was weird and unusual and he too could go on chivalrous adventures and do good in the world and be loved for who he is (I’ve kinda gone into this before and I plan on going into it again I’ll tag you in that post!!!!)

There’s also something to note about the fact that none of the village notes reference Luis by his first name. Luis is apparently a very “strong and masculine” name so if we ARE going off of the assumption that Luis is trans (which like,,. Duh HDNEHENDHS) then we can probably assume he picked that name for himself

It’s also pretty notable to note (hah) that like,,,,,, just in general, a lot of kids who grow up in a super religious environment just. Turn out gay and trans. I dunno why. I dunno what’s the exact statistic for that but like. Cmon. We’ve all seen it. We all know it right

Then huzzah! Luis’ Grabdfather dies!!! How sweet of him!!!!! /s obviously but Luis takes his death as an opportunity to run from home- again, something that’s sadly quite common amongst younger trans people it seems. When you loose your only support at home, and suddenly that home becomes unsafe, oftentimes the only solution is to run.

Now I’ve talked MUUUUUUCH more in depth about it in this post but considering the fact that Luis was probably a young teenager, an immigrant from the middle of nowhere, and had zero family or support- there’s a less than zero chance that he probably would have stumbled across the queer community one way or another. See, all throughout the 20th century, the queer and poc/immigrant communities were VERY intertwined- now I am WHITE AS ALL HELL so their history isn’t something I’m able to speak on with any amount of grace as actual people of colour could, so I’ll keep this breif and also if I’ve misrepresented anything PLEEEEAAASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME

Basically, like I said- the communities were very intertwined. They’d help each other and were sometimes seen as like the same circle of people when it came to what they were fighting for. All throughout history, this comes up time and time again- which is why I can only assume that Luis, a young person of colour having come from basically the middle of nowhere, would most likely find solace and a place in both communities- and would ABSOLUTELY have explored his gender and sexuality because of it. Even if he WAS cis there’s no way he wouldn’t have at least dabbled in a bit of the ol gender exploration every now and then

((Also, VEEEERY important to note that yes although trans and poc history are very intertwined they are still very seperate histories. It’s VERY IMPORTANT to not erase poc voices from this discussion when talking about this aspect of history- listen to your poc friends first and foremost before all else))

It’s also probably good to note that a few universities around that time were pretty notoriously open about being queer-friendly but we have no clue what exact university in Europe Luis would have gone to but idk we can probably guess he fooled around with some men and women HANSYWNEYENDUCJX

Then we cut to umbrella. I and a few other people have gone into how umbrella would have most likely groomed a young Luis into being excited to work with them and willing via offering him a place to stay, a college degree, a stable life etc etc but there’s also a sense of horror there when you take into account they could’ve offered him the ability to medically transition. Something that was NOT easy or very safe to do at the time. And plus this is resident evil so we can only guess what magical hoodicky they would’ve gotten to do that GDBEYWNDYDJ

From what we can tell, luis honestly enjoyed his time with umbrella!!!! He seemed to be friends with his coworkers and he was proud of the work he was doing (Yknow, before he would have found out it was all a lie and was going to kill millions HXBEHENEH) and honestly isn’t that every trans persons dream????? To have a job where you’re accepted and can feel safe at??????? To have friends who can accept you???????? It just makes what all went down all the more heartbreaking to me if we DO view him in the lens of being a trans character!!!!!!!!!

And then, of course, for the second time in his life; everything comes crumbling down. I’ve done seperate analysis on this and I plan on doing another cuz what I’m about to mention just hits,,,,,,,, S O O O O close to home to me, but when everything in his life gets destroyed AGAIN;

Luis chooses to go back to Valdelobos.

And isn’t that just so devastating?????? Because we as humans ALL do that- when life gets so bad and so intense we have no clue what to do, we all wanna turn to our parents or our childhood homes and get a hug and that feeling of nostalgia and safety from when we were kids that we missed.

But ask any other trans person and they’ll tell you that a lot of the time, that’s not what you’re gonna get; and that’s what happened to Luis. He went home, hoping- BEGGING- for some kind of support from the nightmares he just went through, only to be thrown straight into another one. Los Illuminados had been taken over and reverted his childhood home into something totally unrecognisable and forced him to work for them or else he’d literally be tortured. And isn’t that just,,,,, made all the more depressing when you look at it from a trans angle????

In this case scenario, when a lot of Trans people are forced to return to unsafe homes- they’re forced to push down their identity for their own safety. And reading that in Luis is just all the more devastating

And then there’s the whole thing where Luis literally SELF SURGICALLY REMOVED THE LAS PLAGAS FROM HIMSELF????????? WHY DONT MORE PEOPLE TALK ABT HOW TRAUMATISING THAT MUSTVE BEEN????????????? I know @/katabay made an INCREDIBLE post going into a religious reading on this and how I’m Don Quixote Alonso himself preforms an excorsism on himself and it’s weirdly erotic?????? And how that translates to Luis’ Plagas removal- they also made INCREDIBLE art go check it out- but throughout history there are a LOT of poems made by “”””women who want to be men”””” (aka trans men) who were religious at some point and describe the sensation of binding or getting top surgery to that of having an exorcism (this was mostly done to convince local churches that Hey no it was totally cool actually just let us get gender affirming care pretty pretty please) so, y’know,,,, maybe that meme that Luis showing Leon is scar was actually him coming out as trans wasn’t that far off HEBWYENXUXJXJDNC

And there’s also just the whole fact that he was a scientist that plays into this, too- Catholicism, specifically the hardcore Catholicism that Luis grew up with, absolutely HATES science. And the fact that Valdelobos seemed to be permanantly stuck in this 18th century cult-like state only confirms that they probably would have been anti-medicine, too; not only adding onto Luis’ guilt but also making him a prestigious scientist all the more impressive. Imagery that Luis is shown with (like that lil casket he carried around in seperate ways filled with the suppressants Ada needed) is often used by people in cults similar to Valdelobos to prove that ‘oh science is the devil!!!’ Etc, and y’know what else is related to science????

Medically transitioning babey!!!!!! A lot of the times hardcore religious people, again in similar cults to Valdelobos, use terms like ‘mutulating’ to describe medically transitioning and use already devil-associated imagery like science and modern medicine to hammer home that hatred of trans people (also obligatory not all religious people are like this in fact MOST religious people aren’t like this I’m talking specifically situations like the Gloriavale cult etc etc)

So like,,,,, again, that whole meme that Luis made his own testosterone wouldn’t be too far off BXNSHENDHDNX

But then we get some light at the end of this very depressing tunnel HXNSHENDUJ;

Leon, Ada and Ashley

Now from here on out I’m gonna get into some more like,,, CHARACTER dissection so I figured here would be the best place to put this HDBEYENEUS; Luis fits ALL the stereotypes of a stealth queer person during his time period. Like,, you know the song Gay or European????? Yeah that isn’t a joke that’s a real rhing European queer and trans men did to basically hide the fact that they were queer. It’s like. The oldest trick in the book. Which is why it’s SOOOOOO funny to me when I see Reddit dudebros going “errrrrmm actually Luis isn’t gay it’s just his Spanish charm!!” LIKE DUDE. YOUVE FALLEN FOR T H E TRICK. THIS IS THE EQUIVALENT OF A BIRD USING THEIR TAIL FEATHERS TO DISTRACT A PREDATOR.

And also Spain in general just has a very long and very beautiful Queer and Trans history- obviously it’d be way too much to fit into this one post but I highly reccomend just,,,, looking it up for yourself. Queer people have always been around :))

Ok ok, back to Leon- I plan on someday taking apart and dissecting EEEEEEEEEVERY interaction between them cuz it’s just. It’s all SO GAY. But in general, Luis treats Leon SO much differently than Ashley and Ada but in a good way!!!!!

Luis isn’t afraid to be open around Leon. He isn’t afraid to be flamboyant and jokey and flirt with him- and hell, he probably did enjoy that chain scene HXNEHENEUDJDJ he isn’t afraid to be more vulnerable and just generally what you wouldn’t consider a stereotypical “manly-man;” he doesn’t conform to western societies of stereotypical masculinity, and he isn’t afraid to show that around Leon.

He’s open with Leon- he’s vulnerable and he very openly CARES about Leon. He truly wears his heart on his sleeve and this is for a MULTITUDE of different reasons but I think a big part of it is not just because he’s genuienly attracted to Leon but because leon is a shining example of a chivalrous knight to him

I and many others have gone into this further; but when Luis first met Leon in that body bag, it probably honestly WAS like he was meeting his very own Don Quixote for the first time. He was probably a shining example of everything he wanted to be; brave, kind, never makes mistakes- and again I’ve gone into this further but this truly does play into his character and his very noble quest for redemption and forgiveness a lot and viewing this from a Trans angle just gives that quest SO much more power

Capcom does their best to make Leon out to be a super strong manly-man and @highball66 has gone into some of Leon’s own queer coding, but I think Luis also sees through this. He sees through his macho dudebro masculinity and he sees a genuine and kind human being underneath; just as Leon had done for him. Leon is everything Luis wants to be in a man- just like his grandfather and probably countless male figures in his life before him. So he’s not afraid to open up to Leon; he isn’t held back by that expectation of toxic masculinity because he wasn’t raised that way.

And he’s the EXACT SAME with Ada and Ashley too!!!!!!!! He CARES about Ada! He’s CONSTANTLY looking out for her and giving her the benefit of the doubt and he’s always so polite and kind around her!!!!!!!! Like yeah he puts on the front of being a ladies-man but again like SOOO many others before me have mentioned that’s probably just a safety front!!!!!! He wears his heart on his sleeve around Ada and Ashley, too- he’s always SO polite around her I feel like not enough people point that out????? He offered his hand out for her to take before inspecting the blood, he’s always asking for permission before he touches her etc he’s so nice people don’t give him enough credit for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And theeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnn it aaaaaaaaalll comes crashing down when he diiiiiieeeeeeessss,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

It’s pretty important to note that Luis is killed by Krauser; and again, other people have gone into Leon and Krausers queer relationship coding a lot better than I have, but it’s pretty interesting to note that Luis was killed by the guy who pretty much encapsulates all forms of toxic masculinity (again, that meme that everyone jokes about that Krauser killed Luis cuz he was jealous of Leon’s new boyfriend might not be far off HXHWHDUXHSH)

Luis uses his final breath to save Leon- to save the man who has shown him forgiveness and empathy and love for the first time in god knows how long. He opens his heart up to Leon in his final moments; he does one last ‘such a loss to the ladies of the world eh?’ As a last-ditch effort to try and convince Leon that he tooooooootally isn’t queer you guys and to try and hold onto that sense of normality; but he drops that act immedietly after Leon shows him that he’s taking this seriously

He opens up to Leon and admits that he led a pretty shitty life. He spills his heart out to Leon and asks him if people can change. And I’ve said rhis before and I’ll say it again; this is Luis looking for some kind of confirmation. Some kind of forgiveness and some way of saying that Yes his life DID mean something- that people CAN change and CAN be loved like he loved Leon and Leon loved him. And, hell, if we’re REEEEEAALY tryna stretch here (which I mean this whole post is tbh HXBSHSNEHDNSHD) you could even read this as Luis asking for somebody to accept him as he truly is, and see past the facade of a super flamboyant cis straight man. It’s not a stretch to say this moment is him looking and hoping that Leon can see through his past actions and see the beautiful human being underneath- so it wouldn’t be crazy to view it under a queer light either

Then, of course, Leon says that iconic line; you were a fine knight, Don Quixote. Confirming to Luis that he WAS like the chivalrous knight he always looked up to when he was little. Not just for his bravery and confidence; but also for his exploration of gender and non conformity in his sexuality. Leon confirms that for him in his final moments.

Then of course there’s the nature of his death; the fact that he dies below his childhood village is pretty telling to me.

Now this is where I’m gonna get into some depressing statistics, so readers beware, but unfortunately, there is a good chunk of trans people who will die in their childhood homes for many reasons. There’s been a good chunk of trans people all throughout history who have lived long, full lives but still were buried in their childhood homes and towns under their dead name or under the gender they were assigned to at birth. It’s depressing and there really is no making light of it- which is why Luis dying in the village he grew up in and tried so desperately to escape from hits so hard to me.

• Now HOPEFULLY obviously I am N O T comparing Luis’ death to actual real trans people’s deaths. But as somebody who HAS lost trans friends to suicide, the manner of his death absolutely REMINDS me of that and thus hits home harder for me. Go give your trans friends a hug, basically

But on the bright side, at least he didn’t die alone. He had Leon; he had somebody who could, theoretically, show the world who he truly was and remember him by his true name and nature. Luis won’t be totally forgotten underground; he’ll have Leon and Ashley and Ada ro remember the man he truly was just like how many, many trans people who have passed away will have friends and loved ones who will remember them for who they truly are.

Now I don’t wanna end this whole analysis on such a depressing note so I’ll add this at the end; I genuienly think that even if you DONT headcannon Luis as Trans, adding that element to his character not only enriches his already INCREDIBLY well written story but also just generally means the world to trans people in real life, too

Like,,,,, I’ve mentioned this before but I’ll say it again; seeing a character who is so genuinely confident in themselves, so open about their emotions and their identity and who holds themselves in a way that isn’t stereotypically “masculine”- that honestly hits so much closer to home than any other trans headcannon ever has. I’ve gone into detail about how much Luis as a character means to me, but seriously, reading him from this angle lowkey makes me want to cry with how much it means to me HDBEHENEHDJX

Luis is a Beautifully written character who shows the best and worst in all of us humans- who shows that we all just want to love and be loved and be forgiven and given the opportunity to change. All trans people deserve that, too; we all deserve the opportunity to live our lives to the fullest.

Even if you want to comment ‘ErM weLl CapCoM woUlD nEVeR hAvE a TrAns ChaRaCTeR-“ does it really matter???? Does it matter if a character has a canon label slapped onto them, if people can already analyse that character from their own perspective and find deep meaning in that themselves????? Is a character who is canonically queer any more meaningful than a character who isn’t????? I don’t think so, cuz clearly, myself and many, many others find solace and comfort and relatability in the fine knight that is Luis Serra

And finally; André Peña, Luis Serra’s voice actor, has been VERY vocal about his support for trans people and has even said he absolutely 100% believes that Luis would believe in trans rights- so suck it transphobes!!!!!!!!!!!!! Luis is for US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#I won’t put this in the main tags cuz I’m cautious of transphobes biting my ass but if anyone wants to add onto the conversation or-#-correct anything I might’ve said that’s incorrect PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m not relifious #I was never raised religious and I’m white as a ghost so anybody else’s input is greatly appreciated!!!!!!#luisposting #trans #important #serennedy #luis serra #luis sera

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moiraineswife · 1 year

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Moiraine And Lan - The Inability To Communicate Trauma

Hello friends. It has been quite some time. Quite some time since I have: absolutely lost all my fucking shit over my blorbos at great length via a long and quotation filled tumblr meta. Fear not: the status quo of the universe returns, and I am once again: back on my bullshit (literally hours before the next episode airs and this gets drowned/replaced with New Content. Because I’m smart like that). ANYWAY.

Today we’re going to discuss: Mo and Lan and the singular moron-flavoured braincell they share, bond or no bond. More seriously, however: I’ve noticed a few bits of commentary/takes/analysis of the current state of their…well state, let’s be frank here, and realised that my contrary ass has: Different Opinions. So I figured I’d share them. Bc that’s what I do.

(Obligatory disclaimer that there is no right or wrong way to interpret something - that’s why it’s an interpretation, and this is not a call out or a “oh wow you’re wrong and here’s why!!!!” post directed at anyone or anything. Just my observation that I am going against the grain of what I’ve seen and thus throwing out: a new chew toy for us to gnaw on).

Also: please do note that this post will cover, rather extensively/in-depth, the trauma arc that Lan and Moiraine are going through at the moment and will contain trigger warnings for: depression, PTSD, trauma response, rape (in the context of the analogy that Verin presented), suicide, suicidal ideation, suicidal attempt (again: all in the context of the show/previous events), and everything related to the topics that have been raised in the first two episodes for these characters. Be safe and tap out if you need to!

So. Obligatory wiffle aside: what shall we discuss? In a nutshell (bc I’m real good at that) I’m covering how, as I see it/am fascinated by it: the responses that they’re having to each other at the moment are mirrors/insights into the responses that they’re each having to the recent traumas that they’ve both suffered. In more depth/the points where I think I differ from the norm we’re going to cover:

1)-why Lan is: not an idiot, actually. I see it as him being still perfectly capable of READING/understanding Moiraine without the bond; what he’s having difficulty with is COMMUNICATING with her without the bond

2)- that Moiraine is actually: ALSO failing dismally at communicating with Lan, and that she’s doing: a real fucking bad job of manipulating him. (is she HURTING him? Yes. 100%. Is she MANIPULATING him into doing what she wants? Given that she clearly wants nothing more than for him to: leave her, and that after 5 solid months he has: not left, I’m just going to put out the idea that maybe she’s not quite meeting her all of her targets in this area.

3)- wow they’re both doing incredibly stupid things, and they’re doing them for the same incredibly stupid reasons, and they are, in fact: INCREDIBLY THE SAME. See: singular moron-flavoured brain cell. This manifests slightly differently, due to their own individual traumas influencing the specifics of their actions/thought processes - but the general underlying thesis is the same for both.

The TL;DR here is that: these weirdos still know each other, and love each other, and understand each other without their bond. Can they communicate any of what they want to communicate in any kind of effective way? No. No they cannot. They BOTH suck. (I say that with legitimately all the love in the world).

So. Let’s start with Lan. Purely because I think my takes on him are the most Spicy/differ the most from everyone else’s and, let’s be honest, everything here feeds into everything else and this is going to get complicated where I start SO. Drama first. (I think it’s what they would want).

Okay so first and foremost I want to try and establish/explain what I mentioned at the outset of this thing which is: Lan is not blind, he’s not stupid, and he is not suddenly completely and utterly incapable of understanding a single feel that Moiraine feels if he can’t feel it with her via bond.

The largest and most obvious piece of evidence for this feels like the best one to start with and, for me, this is the fact that: HE DIRECTLY AND COMPLETELY CALLS HER OUT ON HER BULLSHIT, TO HER FACE, TWICE!!!

“Don’t smile at me. You can shut me out, try to drive me away, but don’t you dare smile at me. As though everything is fine. As though you don’t know exactly what you’re doing.”

This is from episode 1, where he finally snaps at her after she gives him that fake ass little smile and is like ‘is an aes sedai not allowed her secrets’ when he tries to talk to her/get her to explain: literally anything to him. And THAT is what pushes him over the edge.

She has been cold. She has been dismissive. She has flat out ignored him like he’s not even present. He has taken it all. Not happily, and with obvious frustration, but he hasn’t said a peep. Not when she gives him one brusque, dismissive one-word orders (“door”) like a dog. Or when she deliberately turns away from him and refuses to so much as look at them - he endures all of that and just takes it and let’s her do it. Because he understands that this is her current expression of: not being fine.

If she WAS fine, she would not be doing these things, and he knows that, and I think sees it as something like a storm to weather? It is something that will pass (he hopes) if he has the patience and the strength to wait it out. When she smiles at him? When she tries to make a JOKE out of what she’s doing? Out of the secrets that she’s been keeping from him - secrets like the fact that she was planning on going to the Eye of the World to die without him - THAT is not acceptable. She’s smiling at him and trying to joke with him as though they’re still capable of that - as though they can still tease each other the way they did, as though things are fine, both in herself, and between them, and they are NOT. When she’s treating him like a slave, or a stranger, or an annoyance - that is strangely better - because it’s this unspoken acknowledgement/agreement (the only one they’ve been able to achieve) that this is because things are not fine. She treats him badly because she’s not fine, he KNOWS she’s treating him badly because she’s not fine - is a strange kind of shared truth. Like sarcasm - something said/done where both parties know that the meaning/intent is completely different. Smiling, joking, pretending she’s fine? That is an insult, because he knows damn well she is NOT in that place.

Okay, so let’s look at the second instance of this, which occurs in episode 2 (oh how quaint) and is as follows:

L: “Then tell me! You and I have walked this path together. Every step, every choice, every sacrifice.”

M: “We have never walked this path together. You have never seen the forest for the trees because I have never shown it to you.”

L: “I know what you’re trying to do. You can’t push me away.”

Again, as with the previous scene, he tries to get her to talk to him, to stop keeping secrets from him, to share this with her and let him help her carry her burdens the way they always have. She puts him walls, she, again, tries to force distance - she tells him that they have never been together as he says. And he calls her out. AGAIN. He knows what she’s trying to do. It hasn’t changed. She’s still just doing the same thing she’s been doing from the start of episode 1 - trying to force him away, because she’s desperate, and she’s suffering, and she doesn’t have anything else but this - even if he knows what she’s doing, even if it hasn’t worked so far.

Both of them are guilty of this - both of them get one idea stuck in their minds of how to handle this situation/how to fix everything, and they both refuse to change. They both dig their heels in, plant their stakes, pick their hills to die on, and are refuse to budge for love, money, or common sense. For Lan it’s in trying to get her to talk, to open up, to push back on the destructive coping mechanisms she’s got - trying to force her to include him, tying to force her to include herself and come to dinner with them etc. For Mo it’s this: it’s pushing him away, because she is no longer worthy of him (and believes she never was) and protecting him.

(to continue this: unhinged adventure, pls continue under the cut!)

So she commits to this, even if she honestly knows it probably won’t work now, either. (she empties her entire quiver on him in this scene, and the atomic bomb she had in her back pocket too for good measure. These things she’s been holding back in reserve, the last cards to play - that she misled him about Rand’s death, that she has discovered they (and notice that she still says “we” when she talks about this - even though she went to the Eye alone, even though she made that choice alone, even though she rejects the idea that they have been together on this quest, as he says - when she is not actively choosing every word to hurt him, she thinks of them and what they’ve done as an unconscious “we” and a unit) have freed Ishamael/possibly other Forsaken - one after the other, meant to just overwhelm him and be the final coup de grace. And it STILL doesn’t work. She unleashes everything she has on him and he STILL insists that he’s not leaving her. And it’s because he knows - as he just said - what she’s doing, and why. And he will not let her. And he says that to her “I’m not letting you walk away from me again” - because the last time he did: she went to the Eye to get herself killed. And it’s only by some miracle and twist of cruelty that she was left alive to suffer instead.

Also I’m going to take a brief sidebar here, before we move on to Further Evidence/thoughts on this. But I think that it’s really important to consider LAN’S trauma in what he’s doing and why? Like, I think people are doing this for Mo already? They recognise that she wouldn’t be behaving this way if she 1)- wasn’t trying to protect Lan (her intention) and 2)- wasn’t suffering the effects of her trauma/being cut off from the Power at the Eye. Lan is a little less obvious (both in that his trauma is not a single fixed point/event that’s very obvious and easy to refer back to; and that he’s a bit less blunt Lan Mo’s “brick to the face” techniques and motivations) but, as I said at the start: his reactions to Mo are a direct reflection/window into his own trauma responses.

So, as I just mentioned - Lan is SO adamant about not leaving Moiraine, not giving her the opportunity to distance them/push him away - because the last time she did that, in just nudging him, like, an inch to the left, she used that to mask their bond and skip off into the Blight to go get herself killed with Rand. And there is: no doubt, and no question, and no room for wiggling or negotiation on this. They BOTH were FULLY aware that that was a suicide mission. The first thing he says to her when he finds her is “you’re alive” - because he was sure that history was repeating on him.

Because I think that it’s very important to not just consider Mo’s actions here, I think it’s important to remember Lan’s experience with Stepin as well. The two played out very similarly for him/parallel each other almost exactly. They both talked to him about Nynaeve, encouraging him to seek a love and a life with her. They both manipulated him/the circumstances to make it impossible for him to try and protect them - Stepin by drugging him, and Moiraine by masking the bond so he was unable to sense her, so that they could leave him. They both had clear plans and intentions - and both of their ultimate goals was for it to end in their death (obviously the REASONS behind this are very different - Mo was trying to save the world; while Stepin’s had already ended). But in both cases, Lan wakes up alone, realising that they’ve left him, realising, instantly, what they intend to do and in both cases: he was too late and he feels that he failed. Stepin he finds dead - and the only reason that he DOESN’T find that has happened to Mo is not because of something he did, it’s not because he got to her in time, it’s not because he protected her, it’s not because HE did anything at all - it’s just because some whim of cruelty decided to spare her. And these two events happen within, like, a week of each other I want to say? Like that’s…That’s an incredibly damaging and traumatising thing to go through ONCE - but back to back? How guilty must he have felt? How ANGRY with himself? Because how could he not have learned? How could he have let this happen AGAIN?

Of course he’s terrified now. Of course he’s terrified that if he leaves she’s going to die. Of course he refuses - past the point of any sense or reason - to just back down and leave. He is certain that if he does it will mean the death of the person that he loves the most in this world. And it will be HIS fault. She’s being cruel to him, she’s pushing him away, she’s ignoring him, she’s ordering him around, she’s deliberately pushing every button he’s got, and stabbing her knife in every sensitive spot she’s discovered over the last twenty years. And what kind of weak, selfish, useless person would he be to let that be all it takes for him to just say ‘well fine, I’ll just abandon you and let you kill yourself without me’. He cannot fail again. He WILL NOT fail again. He has been here, history is repeating on him again and he will not let it. Whatever she says to him. However she hurts him. Whatever he has to endure to weather this storm with her he will. Because none of this pain even comes CLOSE to what it will be like if he leaves her and she hurts herself and that is entirely his fault.

(Note: I do not actually think that Moiraine is actively suicidal at this point. As Verin notes - she chooses to fight every day. She wakes up, she fills her buckets, she puts one foot in front of the other and she clearly keeps going. It’s wobbly, and it’s messy, and she’s clearly grieving and depressed and traumatised - but she is not suicidal. Does LAN know that? Can Lan, without the bond, and with Stepin, and the Eye, haunting him even begin to scrape together the required rationality to see that? No. Lan sees Moiraine as being in just as much danger as she sees him being in and all he can do, all he has left to do in this world is protect her. And so he will).

To conclude the wrap of: the most painful breakup scene in the history of the world (for me and my present blorbos at this present moment in time, anyway) I want to just talk about the infamous “we were never equals”. And a lot of it has been covered, and I agree with the takes that Moiraine does not believe herself equal to Lan (and never did (SELF ESTEEM ISSUES!? IN MY CODEPENDENT PLATONIC SOULMATE RELATIONSHIP!? NOOOOO!!!!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)) and that is how she’s able to say this oath wise. I just want to touch on the fact that some people seem to be like ‘bro how can u not see what she’s saying DIRECTLY TO UR FACE, BRO!? COME ON LAN. LISTEN!!!!’ and like. So, to bring up a controversial and possible shocking observation: Lan is, in fact: still a human being! Emotions are messy, and logic is a fine and wonderful thing from a couch, yelling at your tv screen, and with the delightful ability to rewind and replay conversations/moments in time to be able to link them together nicely.

But Moiraine has been cruel to him for months at this point in an effort to drive him away. And, as discussed - he knows what she’s doing. He knows WHY she’s doing it. He is enduring it and putting up with it and stomaching it without throwing things at her because he knows it’s an expression of pain and is a reaction to what she’s been through. But he’s also hurt by it. Not least because: even if she’s only SAYING these things to hurt him/drive him away - she still believes them enough that they’re true for her to be able to actually get them out of her mouth. That HURTS. That’s going to break you down, that’s going to GET to you, that’s going to be thing that keeps him up at night and just echoes in his head over and over again and like - my man’s self-esteem and self-worth wasn’t actually sitting up at the peak of Dragonmount BEFORE 5 months of this, like dear Light people.

To have the person you love the most in this world tell you that “I don’t want my saddle to slip” (I don’t trust you to do this for me), to have her admit that she deliberately misled him, that she has actively kept important, possibly world-changing events from you, that she says, to your face - the thing that you are MOST afraid of, the thing that tormented him via Machin Shin, the thing that torments him still about Stepin - that he FAILED her? For her to believe that so firmly that it’s truth to her? Of course he doesn’t think he’s worthy of her? Of course he’s willing to take what she says at face value. SHE CAN’T FUCKING LIE!!!! And the set-up to this is so important, because she goes right for the jugular in this scene, and she does so repeatedly, in quick succession.

So she hits him with: ‘actually I lied when I said before that WE were going to the Tower - I’m going on my own without you. We yote a forsaken out into the world OOPS. -I refuse to explain anything to you. -We have never been walking this path together. -I have never showed you everything, I have always hidden things from you. -OH also ur lil sheepherder dude is actually: not dead and never was, I #lied to ur face abt that. -I am loyal to the Dragon - and ONLY him. -You can’t protect me anymore without the bond. -No, you’re not my Warder, you failed me, and I would be dead in spite of you if not for the help of people more competent than you. -ALSO here’s our good buddy Alanna and I am going to THREATEN TO HAVE HER TAKE YOUR BOND BY FORCE IF YOU KEEP REFUSING ME and I arranged this ahead of time to make this right. ALL of this gets dumped on his head in the space of LITERALLY AROUND TWO MINUTES. Like damn Mo the bloody Fades were less efficient than that.

He has just had all of that thrown in his face - the things she’s been holding back, keeping in case she needed them - her lying to him, her isolating him, her NEVER walking this path with him or ever showing him all that she saw, telling him that he is not her Warder anymore, that he has FAILED to protect her, that she will have him bonded against his will just to get rid of him. And he stands there on the ground, while she gazes down at him from on top of her horse (which she mounted - for the first time we’ve seen on screen - without his aid (which is a GUTTING little touch, because we see him smoothly and seamlessly help her mount a couple of times in season 1)) and she just says, to his face, the TRUTH, as he asked for: they were never equals.

And she can say that because she believes that he is better than her, and we know that, but can you blame him for not quite catching that in the moment????? She’s just told him that he’s a failure, that she’d be dead and he didn’t do a damn thing to protect her, that she will have someone bond him forcibly - and in this moment she just says what he’s been thinking for months, for YEARS honestly, given what machin shin torments him with “you can’t protect her. You’ll watch her die.” Of course he believes it. He is ALREADY taking an irrational level of responsibility over all of this, over what he perceives as his failures.

Adeleas calls him out for this and tells him he’s taking it too personally (and he IS) - he is assuming responsibility for not preventing something as though that means that he caused it. And again: this is a trauma response. This is an overreaction to a perceived series of circumstances that led to the death of a friend he’s had for possibly decades, to the one person he is supposed to protect, who he let go on a suicide mission alone so that he could get fucking laid, who he let slip away from him AGAIN to get attacked by Fades - where he failed her FOR A THIRD TIME. But like…He starts this little conversation off with her by apologising because he didn’t sense the Fades. He has: absolutely no way, reasonable or other ways, to sense INVISIBLE CREATURES THAT MOVE THROUGH SHADOW without the bond giving him the ability to do so. It’s a ridiculous thing to say. It has no logic to it at all and that’s the POINT. He is not capable of logic about this situation. He is blaming himself for everything - every single thing he can think of, whether it’s reasonable or not, is his fault, and his responsibility - he should have sensed the fades, he should have sensed her leaving, he should have stopped her going to the Eye, he should have stopped her from being cut off. He is trying to assert control, he is trying to assign blame and reason to the things that have happened to him - to the losses he has suffered - so that he can stop suffering them. And he can’t. He can’t. It happens over. And over. And over. AND OVER again. The trolloc blade that hit Moiraine in the Two Rivers and nearly killing her. Logain’s shield exploding and the axe handle piercing her side and nearly killing her. Being drugged by Stepin who killed himself while Lan was absent. Letting himself be distracted by Nynaeve while Mo went to the Eye. Missing Mo leaving AGAIN and her being attacked by the Fades. Actually getting there while the attack was in progress finally at LAST being able to DO something, to STOP something - and he can’t even fucking manage that. Over and over and over he fails people and he loses them and it’s his fault and he can’t stop it. He’s been retraumatised by circumstance, and is now retraumatising HIMSELF by adding even more perceived failings to the existing tally. Of course he believes her. He’s just been waiting for her to say that to him from the day they bonded. NO ONE IN THIS DYNAMIC HAS ANY SELF-ESTEEM. LIKE THEY STARTED WITH ZERO TOTAL AND SOMEHOW IT’S GOTTEN WORSE.

Okay so shifting focus slightly for the last thing I want to say about Lan, but still related, because: the problem (for me) is not that they cannot read/understand each other, it’s that they cannot COMMUNICATE with each other. And there is a distinction here. Lan’s issue is not lack of understanding where Mo is at - he sees her suffering, knows she’s not fine, understands she is reacting to the loss she endured at the Eye, he gets that. He’s known her for twenty years - bond or no bond - he knows what pain looks like when he sees it in her eyes. That’s not it. What he’s struggling with, and what he’s frustrated by is that they are not TALKING. He knows how she’s feeling - he doesn’t know what to do about that. He doesn’t know how to TALK about that with her. He doesn’t know how to fix it because she refuses to engage with it at all - and they’re SO bad at this that they don’t even get to the part where she can ignore him trying to talk abt the actual problem, bc she just nips it in the bud and ignores him/deflects him from the opening bland ‘small-talk’ set-up questions to start making forrays into that.

Because before all of that would have happened instinctively via the bond - she feels the bad feels, he knows why, he sends the required good feels back/makes her tea/gives her an extra blanket/just responds without having to think about and, and this is the key point: without having to talk. Because, let’s be real here: these idiots BOTH suck at talking about their emotions/needs. Genuinely think they would both just lie on the ground and fucking die rather than say ‘I need a bandage because I’m BLEEDING PROFUSELY FROM EVERY ORIFICE.’ Because they’re deeply repressed, traumatised people who were never given the tools/language/space they needed to be able to safely and healthily learn to express their feels (but that…is a different piece of meta for another day).

THE POINT IS: we’re now going to turn to my beloved, my man, my favourite, the myth, the legend, the ICON: Tomas and his tomatoes. And by this I do of course mean that we’re doing a deep dive of the scene where Tomas gives Lan some advice after they go out to the (absolutely THRIVING - good job my man) garden to pick some tomatoes for dinner (or at least….Tomas goes out to pick tomatoes for dinner; and Lan goes out to brood in his proximity while he does so. ) But eh. Tomayto, tomahto….) ANYWAY:

So this scene gives Lan a chance to talk about losing the bond - and I think that is important as well? Likely obviously Moiraine is Going Through It here, and Lan hasn’t been cut off from the Power/isn’t dealing with that experience but WE DON’T PLAY TRAUMA OLYMPICS IN THIS HOUSE!!! PAIN IS PAIN AND IT SHOULD ALL BE VALIDATED AND DEALT WITH IN A CONSTRUCTIVE AND POSITIVE WAY. Ahem. Anyway. It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for: QUOTE TIME AGAIN;

“The bond made things easier. It was like a friend walking along with us chatting away so we never had to.”

I think this is a really interesting (and honestly fascinating) way to describe the bond - to personify it and see it as another individual existing between them and making things easier by doing the things that they both struggle to do - use their goddamn words.

“She’s tired, she’s hungry, she’s angry, she’s afraid. Now silence.”

This part, too, I think is really telling. Because if I had to put money on it and pick out the Top 4 Feelings Moiraine Is Having I think I could do a lot worse than ‘tired, hungry, angry, and afraid’. He KNOWS how she’s feeling. He can read that in her still. He doesn’t need the bond to tell him that. That’s not what he’s missing. He doesn’t need the bond to point out what she’s feeling to him, and he doesn’t miss that aspect, he misses the ‘chatting away’, he misses the noise, he misses the COMMUNICATION, and he is struggling with the silence.

THAT is what the bond used to do for them - it used to ‘chat away so they never had to’. A friend, a helper, who facilitated between them and allowed them to communicate when they couldn’t speak/didn’t have the words. We see this over and over and OVER again in season 1. They have whole ass conversations without making a single peep. Most notably in extremely tense or emotional moments - Kerene’s funeral and the look they share, Lan struggling with Stepin’s grief, coming to Moiraine, kneeling beside her, holding her hand - so much happens in that scene in particular. Without saying a word he communicates an exhaustion, a fatigue, a grief and a sorrow - a need for comfort and support - and she gives it. At Stepin’s funeral - the lookk that he gives her, the way he seeks her in the crowd, again needing her strength, which she gives to him through their bond and across a room. THAT’S what’s gone. That’s what he keeps trying to get back.

Because he gives her that same look - that same obvious cry for help and look of desperation at the end of ep 1 with the Fade battle. He is WRECKED he is DONE, he’s disarmed, he cannot stand, he can barely crawl - he NEEDS her, he needs her strength, he needs her help. She tries to channel - she reaches for the power, as she would once have reached for him through their bond - and it does not come. It is not there. It cannot help them. And the words that he speaks to her then echo a repeated sentiment he’s had for her throughout: “what aren’t you telling me?”

The bond isn’t there to talk for her anymore. And she refuses. Consistently. Verin and Adeleas comment on Bayle visiting - and Lan notes that she doesn’t tell him any more than she tells them. After Bayle is gone, Lan tries to small talk, he slaps on a casual little smile and he asks a mundane ‘let’s start the ball rolling on that conversation thing’ question, easy to answer, nothing tense, nothing painful, a very common “how did it go?” she ignores him. He presses further - asks who that person was? She gives him the bare minimum (and doesn’t answer the question he’s ACTUALLY asking) and then he tries to push again - what did she want. At which point she hits him with that fake smile and the ‘can an aes sedai not have her secrets?’ - and he’s not even really asking for much. He’s not asking what he actually wants to ask which is: how are you? Are you okay? What can I do? What do you need? What are you thinking? And this idea repeats - in ep 2, when he tries to point out it takes 8 aes sedai to cut someone off, she snaps that he has no conception of the power the forsaken have - so he snaps at her to tell him then. And she refuses.

They are both FEELING - and their feelings are seen. Lan sees how Mo struggles he sees how she shuts herself away, he sees that she’s not eating, and not sleeping, that she’s frustrated, and she’s frightened. Mo sees that she’s hurting him, she sees that he’s frustrated as well. They know this. But they’re not TALKING. They’re not COMMUNICATING. And at the dinner sequence - this is what Verin, Adeleas and Tomas try to give them advice about - their history is the “common language” that they are; maybe he needs to listen to what she IS saying and not try and demand her to say other things. They don’t know how to talk about things like this - they’re not good at that ANYWAY - but with each other? When they’ve never had to before? When for once, for the first time for both of them, it was effortless to share these things and communicate these deep insecurities and emotions that they struggle to give to others? THAT’S what they’re lacking and that’s what the biggest problem is.

Alright let’s leave poor Lan be for now, I have tormented him enough. On to Momo. This will (hopefully, dear god) be shorter, because people have covered Mo before. We know that she’s traumatised, we know she’s trying to push Lan away to protect him, we know she’s trying to regain control, she feels powerless, she feels helpless, she is trying to deal with something life-altering, something that made her vulnerable and helpless, she’s being reckless with her safety, she’s taking foolish risks etc etc.

The point I want to touch on here is the idea around her ‘manipulating’ Lan, because I usually see this go hand-in-hand with the Lan stuff I talked about already. Largely: how ironic that without the bond Lan doesn’t understand her/cannot read her, but Moiraine is doing it so well with him and i must: respectfully decline to go along with that perspective. And this is (I imagine u know what im going to say now) *inhales deeply* because they SUCK AT COMMUNICATING!!!!

It doesn’t really MATTER that he is trying to open her up/communicate that he loves her, and he’s there for her, and he wants to support her; while she is trying to communicate the same - she loves him, she cares about him, she wants to protect him. They are both: failing dismally. Lan’s incessant pestering of Mo to talk to him is just making her clam up more and more because she can’t and what’s more: she doesn’t bloody want to. She wants to shove her trauma under a rug in the corner of Verin’s study, and then she wants to drag a bookshelf over the top of it, and then she wants to fill the bookcase with books, and then she wants to put a whole bunch of extra things on top of the bookcase, and then she wants to flee the country and forget that any of that ever exists because she does not want to deal with it. And Lan keeps pushing. He keeps trying to make her talk, because he’s desperate, and he misses the chattering of their friend the bond, and he wants to help, her wants her to let him back in, and it’s just pissing her off. Which is what the cottage squad calls him out for (when will Mo get her ‘come to jesus’ talk?? For Fairness? Like i need this too).

So Lan is coming at this: far too softly, and far too indirectly in a lot of ways. He never asks about what he actually wants to ask about. He talks about the weather, or how shiny Aldieb’s coat is this morning, or how nice and red and juicy Tomas’s tomatoes are. He never actually just says what he wants to say which is: “I love you, and I’m worried about you, and I’m failing you more and more every day and I’m sorry and I need you” he pussyfoots around it and avoids it and lets her shut him down because that hurts and, well, he deserves that hurt so alright then.

And then there’s Mo. Who has managed to somehow twist the logic of the universe so that she can say “I love you” by, uh *checks notes*: Not saying anything at all/ignoring him. Or by saying things like “you failed me” instead. Because she is just THAT powerful. Okay I’m being a bit sarcastic here, clearly, but she has convinced herself (based on how her trauma is affecting her) that she: 1)- does not deserve Lan/is not worthy of him and so he should leave her so he can be happy and 2)- she needs to protect him and so he should leave her and go and be safe.

Maybe she tried to articulate this at some point? Sit him and down and be like ‘okay Allan so I know u have a lot of trauma abt, like, being abandoned/being left behind so ppl u love can go do themselves great harm but…it would REALLY be just swell for me if u left me all by myself while i go through possibly the worst things that’s ever happened to me: alone. Okay? Okay.” However I doubt this. Bc, as previously and repeatedly discussed: these two can’t communicate for SHIT right now.

I think she probably made some sort of roundabout suggestion? Like she didn’t directly say ‘you need to leave me because reasons’ but she probably…asked him to go the White Tower and watch over Nyn and Eggy, or maybe go with Perrin and the Shienarans to help, or even ‘hey remember Mat? The little scrungly one?? I wonder where he is’ and he just told her ‘absolutely fucking not’ (or words to that effect) so she had to try something else instead. Which is: being mean af.

So far so good and I think we’re all (relatively) in agreement to this point. But then people think…She’s being successful here? And she’s reading him well - largely because she knows EXACTLY what to say to hurt him? And yes, she absolutely does, I will 100% give you that. Blade directly to the heart each and every time, she never misses. HOWEVER. This is not the actual point. Causing Lan pain is not her endgame - it’s actually just the painful middle step that’s hurting her too to try and get her to her endgame.

Manipulation essentially involves doing ‘y’ (in this case being deliberately cruel/causing Lan pain) to make the person do ‘x’ (in this case: push Lan away and make him leave her), in theory/if it’s super successful: without the person realising that you’ve orchestrated this/making it seem like it was all their idea/decision. This is, uh, not working too great. It’s been 5 months and Lan is probably less likely to leave her now than he was when she started (because he now has 5 months worth of knowing that she is actively trying to get him to leave so she can do the Light only knows what and if that’s what she wants him to do while she’s in this state then it’s absolutely the last thing that he feels he should do - so in that sense this has actually backfired kinda spectacularly on Mo. Because: SHE’S COMMUNICATING JUST AS BADLY AS HE IS!!!!!!!!!! Just. On the COMPLETE opposite end of the spectrum to him. Because they’re drama and aesthetic that way.

And the added bonus content of this is: she CAN do this. She can (and does) manipulate people spectacularly well. Take Bayle for example (god she needed that little win SO badly, bless her and her buckets). She wanted: to see/examine the broken heartstone - but what is she actually going to DO with it? She doesn’t want to put it in a fancy display case or collect it, she wants to know WHY it broke. So what she ACTUALLY wants from him is information. Information such as: the poem. So she haggles with him on the thing she actually wants - makes him feel like he’s getting a win when he agrees to budge on that, far cheaper, item - but then he counters and says that he won’t move on the heartstone chunk itself - which she has no interest in. So she gets her essential infodump poem for a bargain price, and takes Bayle down like six pegs in the process. 10/10, excellently managed misdirection, making him do all the work and lowering the price of the poem so she didn’t even have to ask for it, and making himself look like a plonker into the bargain. Delicious. She CAN manipulate people - she just cannot manipulate Lan (not in this instance/about this anyway) because she’s as wrongfooted as he is, and is scrambling as much as he is without the bond, to try and find a language she never thought she’d need to try and speak with him.

And so if we now consider BOTH of them: they’re in this very weird space here, where the traumas that they have suffered, and the reactions they’re having are placing them in this fundamental position of opposition. Because their needs/the things they believe/have convinced themselves they have to do put them in direct conflict with one another. They’re like an immovable object meets an unstoppable force, right? And this idea reveals itself in several smaller ways - eg: Lan thinking that Mo needs company and to not isolate herself to get better; while for Mo that just feels completely intolerable and she wants to be alone and in Her Space, her study, where she is in control and can pretend to her visitors/informants that all is well and nothing has changed. But I think the biggest point it revolves around/where it’s most obvious is that, ultimately, their absolute overall goal is to protect the other person?

The difference/tragedy of this is that: Moiraine believes fundamentally that Lan is in danger WITH her, and that she has to make him leave in order to protect him. Lan believes fundamentally that Moiraine will be in danger WITHOUT him and that he has to stay in order to protect her. And this is the hill they’ve both chosen as their last stand/thing to die for. So she is going to push him and push him and push him, and she is going to hurt HERSELF by being crueller and crueller and crueller to him to protect him. And all the while he is going to endure and endure and endure and let himself be hurt to protect her.

AND THEN IT GETS WORSE (or better if ur twisted and u enjoy these kinds of parallels the way i do) because: they are both stubbornly trying to protect the other; but they’re also both feeling like they’re martyring themselves/are hurting themselves more and more to do so. She feels like he is being stubborn and forcing her to hurt him more and more every day - which she does not want to do - when he could just go, just let this end, just leave her the way she clearly wants him to! But this will make her stronger. She will be stronger for this, for having let him go, and for knowing that at least she managed to protect him. So she will just keep going - tomorrow, that will do it, he has to break tomorrow, he has to finally break tomorrow. And this goes on. The next day. Maybe the next day. The next–

And then HE feels like he is enduring, and that the pain she is inflicting on him is his cross to bear, and he has to endure it because he will NOT leave her, no matter what she throws at him. And it’s almost a test of his will and his love and his devotion (even though I think he knows it’s not: but it’s kind of become his own little personal quest. Because yes. Yes he SHOULD suffer this way. She SHOULD hurt him like this. He deserves it after how he failed her. He has to take this pain. He has to prove what he’s willing to go through for her, prove how dedicated he is, how much he will suffer for her, how even she cannot break him). And he too is thinking that next day it will get better. If he can just endure, just survive this onslaught, it will end. It will get better. She will get better. This will pass. He just has to prove his strength and last as long as he needs to in order to see that through.

And, to bring us back to the start of this extremely long and rambling essay I present you my final, deeply insightful, deeply professional, deeply ~meta~ thought which is that: they are BOTH. SO. FUCKING. S T U P I D!!!! (in a genuinely really interesting and complex and fascinating way, as i have hopefully discussed/explained - the idea that their lost bond/connection makes them mirror/echo each other but now in a destructive way? That instead of seamlessly and instinctively meeting each others’ needs they are both unconsciously and unintentionally triggering the other person’s trauma and making things WORSE? What an absolutely fascinating take/an incredibly subtle but profound way to show the depth of exactly what they’ve lost/how much it has affected them while ALSO rooting the entire thing in their individual traumas, experiences, and characters - like who ever wrote/conceived of this NEEDS A GODDAMN RAISE I SWEAR) But also yes they are: morons. Absolutely. Without a doubt. One singular moron brain cell that ping pongs between the two of them but is, fundamentally: the same. Absolutely fucking delighted. Can’t wait to see where this goes from here. Join me again in the future for me: ‘wow Rowyn that’s a whole lotta thoughts u got there buddy’.

Also I swear I’m friendly and I like engaging/talking with ppl! Pls feel free to comment/reblog/message!!! And do note that if u reblog i WILL read and appreciate ur tags bc im: one of those Old People.

OKAY BYEEEEEE!!!

#moiraine damodred #moiraine sedai #lan mandragoran #molan #wheel of time #wheel of time prime #wot #wotprime #wotspoilers #wotshowspoilers #rosamund pike #daniel henney #wheel of time season 2 #wot s2 #wot meta #molan meta #my meta #look at all dat trauma #once again pls remember this was: stream of consciousness written with no forethought or afterthought #so no planning no editing no HINGES #yes i AM aware that this is about to get DEVOURED by content/posts abt the new ep but u know what?#i didnt claim to be smart #i just claimed to be unhinged #anyway i had a gr8 time with this im sure you'll all deeply appreciate my angsty insights making this all: Worse #pls enjoy #also pray for the readmore cut #i know this is long as shit #i TRIED #i TRIED REAL HARD TO PROTECT Y'ALL FROM THE ENDLESS SCROLL #but tumblr is: not a functional website

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onceuponastory · 1 year

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homeward bound - bucky barnes x reader

Plot: Y/N and Bucky have finally managed to get some time off together, and Bucky has the perfect idea - to bring her back to Brooklyn and show her all his favourite places when he was growing up. Pairing: Pilot!Bucky Barnes x FlightAttendant!Female!Reader Warnings: A few mentions of anxiety, and a small mention of nausea. As always, if I miss any triggers, please let me know. Notes: Did anyone miss Pilot!Bucky? I sure did, so decided he should come back. If you haven’t read the other parts in this AU, here’s one, two and three. Obligatory I am not a pilot or flight attendant, although I do watch a lot of Air Crash Investigation. Also, well done if you recognise the significance of the numbers in Bucky’s callsign ;) Not beta’d, so any mistakes are my own.

“This food is amazing. Thanks for bringing me here, Buck.” Y/N moans happily, leaning back in her seat. Bucky watches her, grinning.

“I told you. New York pizza is the best.”

As they tuck into another slice, Y/N once again feels incredibly grateful that she and Bucky finally have some time to spend together. With both of them working in the jobs they do, finding time off is hard enough, let alone together. Thankfully, their schedules have finally lined up, and they have an entire week off together. Ideally, Y/N would want more time with him, but she’s not about to complain about finally getting to spend some downtime with her gorgeous pilot boyfriend. And this time, Bucky brought her to Brooklyn so she could meet his mother. At first, Y/N was nervous and kept fidgeting with her hair and her outfit. Everything that didn’t seem perfect enough was under scrutiny. Bucky means a lot to her, and she knows just how close he is to his mother, so she knew she had to make a good impression.

“Love, it’s okay.” Bucky smiled, squeezing her hand. “You look gorgeous. She’s going to love you just as much as I do.” His words and the kiss he pressed to her cheek eased her worries for a few precious moments, as did her assertion that Bucky wouldn’t bring her to meet his mother if he wasn’t sure about this relationship, or about her. Yet as the front door opened, the nerves hit Y/N once more, like a bucket of cold water being thrown over her.

“Hey Ma.” Bucky grinned, pulling her into a hug. But before Y/N could even say more than a hello, Winifred Barnes turned to her, grinning. Immediately, she greeted her with a hug, and an insistence to:

“Just call me Winnie, sweetheart.” She smelled like fresh baking and lavender, a comforting, homely scent. And right away, Y/N felt her anxiety start to fade away.

“It’s wonderful to meet you Winif-Winnie.” Y/N stammered, slightly crushed in her hug. But the hug wasn’t uncomfortable. It was filled with love and happiness, which Bucky must’ve had every day when he was growing up. It must’ve been a life of warmth, love, and laughter. Of fresh baking on the table every day, and fresh flowers throughout the house. Of a mother who loves you and your friends like her own.

No wonder he’s such a wonderful person.

“Likewise, sweetheart. Now, let me get a good look at you.” A pair of blue eyes that perfectly match Bucky’s blue hues, stared back at her. “James.” She tutted, her tone causing Bucky’s eyes to widen. “You never told me she was so beautiful!” Y/N gasped, her brow raised.

“You never told me your name was James.” She chuckled as Bucky’s cheeks burned with embarrassment.

“Oh, there’s a lot you don’t know about him, hun.” Winnie took her arm, leading her gently towards the house. “But we have all week to talk about it.”

“Ma!” Bucky called, but they were both too busy laughing to pay any attention.

Since then, Bucky’s taken her on a whistle-stop tour of all the places he frequented as he was growing up in Brooklyn. The park he used to play in as a kid, his high school, the late night coffee shops he frequented as he was studying for his pilots exams, and the restaurant they’re in now… everything important to Bucky’s life is now part of hers too. She’s a part of his life now.

And that means the world to her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next day, however, Bucky promises to take her to the most special place of all. The entire drive there, he refuses to even give her a hint about where he was taking her. At first, she thought he was taking her to Coney Island, given how much he spoke about going there as a kid and riding the rollercoaster so much with his friends that he felt nauseous. Although, for a moment she wondered why that would be his choice above the other things Bucky showed her, but she definitely wasn’t going to judge him for that. Especially considering how she herself always tries to go to a Disney Park whenever they’re near one on their travels.

She watches Bucky driving through the streets he grew up on, pointing out places and people. Once more, the familiar feeling of love settles in her stomach. He’s accompanied her on the last few Disney trips she’s been on now, and despite how they’ve been dating for almost two years by this point, she still can’t believe just how lucky she is to be dating him. Especially considering the time it took them to admit their feelings to each other. But now, they get to do the big things like taking trips together (including ones outside of work), and looking for places to live together. And there’s the little things too, like buying groceries together, waking up next to him, or getting a text from him every morning and every night, without fail, even if they’re on opposite ends of the world from each other.

And honestly, doing the little things she does with Bucky is her favourite thing in the world.

“So… is it an art gallery or something?” She asks as he drives past the turnoff for Coney Island.

“Nope. Not even close.” Bucky chuckles. Soon, Y/N notices he’s taking her out of the city, and she raises a brow.

“Where the hell are we going?”

Yet, Bucky still doesn’t say anything.

“Come on, you’re not gonna give me one hint?” She pleads, even considering batting her eyelashes and pouting in the hopes it works on him. After all… it has before.

“No. I told you, it’s a surprise. And besides, we’re almost there.”

Soon, Bucky turns off the main road and down a smaller, narrower one. Once they reach the end of the road, he parks the car beside a large building. Well, somewhere that looks more like a warehouse than a building.

“It’s an airfield.” Y/N murmurs, reading off the sign.

“The same one I trained at all those years ago before I joined the big leagues. I thought….” Bucky trails off, the excitement clear on his face. “I could take you flying!” Y/N chuckles.

“Bucky, you take me flying almost every day. It’s kinda part of our job, remember?” Yet, a small part of her almost hoped his surprise wouldn’t be related to flying, and would be something else that Bucky loves. Maybe she’d even learn something new about him. But she’s not disappointed by the surprise. Flying is a big part of Bucky’s life, of both of their lives. Of course he’d take her here, to the place where it all began. And besides, if he hadn’t learnt to fly, she would never have met him, or be here now, sharing stories about his life growing up and feeling closer to him.

“Not like that.” He smirks. “I mean, like this.” Once they’re out of the car, he leads her round the corner, gesturing to a small Cessna parked on the tarmac. Well, it’s not that small, but it is compared to the jumbo jets Bucky flies normally. She’s never been in such a small plane before, yet the fact Bucky is going to be at the controls is making her feel a lot calmer about it. “You like it?” She nods. “Well, it’s ours for the afternoon.” After completing the pre-flight checks, he opens the door for her, helping her inside and making sure she’s buckled in correctly before doing the same.

“B45107.” He says over the headset. “Ready for taxi.” As she watches him at work, doing what he knows best, Y/N can’t stop smiling. Even though she’s dating the best pilot at the airline, Y/N rarely gets the chance to see him working up close, doing everything it takes to get people into the air and back onto the ground safely. She loves this, getting to see him work, seeing his professional side.

Bucky lines up at the end of the runway, ready to begin takeoff. Immediately, Y/N grins, feeling the familiar excitement in her stomach once more. As the plane hurtles down the runway, the speed pushing them back into their seats, Y/N has never felt so alive, so exhilarated than she does in that moment. Once they’re in the air, she gazes out over the horizon. The sky is so clear and blue that she can see for miles.

“Is that the Statue of Liberty?” She asks, pointing at a small dot in the horizon.

“Yup. And you’ll see the Brooklyn Bridge soon.” Bucky smiles, watching her look out of the window, as excited as a kid in a candy shop.

“It’s beautiful up here.”

“I’ve seen more beautiful things.” Bucky shrugs. But as she turns back to him, ready to ask what could possibly be more beautiful than this, Y/N realises he’s staring at her. A deep heat settles on her cheeks, and she smiles. When Bucky reaches cruising altitude and finally gets a free moment, she leans over, kissing his cheek.

“What was that for?”

“Because I love you.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She and Bucky stay up in the air for the rest of the afternoon, pointing out parts of the skyline to each other and enjoying each other’s company. Yet, as the sun sets, colouring the sky with streaks of red, orange and pink, it’s time for them to come back down. Although she’s had a wonderful time, Y/N can’t help but feel a little disappointed at having to come back. Ideally, she’d have loved to have seen the entire sunset, and maybe even the moon and stars.

Of course, Bucky notices her disappointment right away. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I was just having a lot of fun, that’s all. Sad it’s over.” Yet, Bucky smiles knowingly.

“Oh, don’t worry. It’s not over yet.” He opens the back of his car, pulling out some blankets and pillows. “I was thinking we could grab some food and watch the sunset together. I have a spot I used to go to when I wanted to get away from it all, which... turned out to be a lot of times actually. But now I’m so much happier than I ever was. I have my dream career, and my dream girl.” Y/N smiles, her stomach fluttering. She feels so lucky to be part of Bucky’s life, to see the places that are most important to him. “And… I’d like to show you it.” Y/N leans in, kissing him softly.

“That sounds perfect.” She smiles.

And for the rest of the night, Y/N and Bucky lay curled up together under a mound of pillows and blankets, watching as the stars and moon come out, each happy in each other’s company and warm embrace.

“I love you.” Bucky whispers, kissing her temple. “So much.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Please follow @onceuponastory-library and turn on notifications to be notified when I next post!

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #Bucky Barnes x female reader #pilot!bucky barnes #bucky x Female Reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #bucky fanfiction #marvel oneshot #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic

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drowningindango · 10 days

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you might have made a post about it before but im dumb and dont know how to look ykyk- UHH- do you have any madaobi fic recs? your honor i looooove themm

especially darkfic, anything focusing on madaras manipulation and psychological torture of obito or just the more messed up side of it. i love when theyre complicated and messy and madara is madara and obito has that little cute bit of stockholm syndrome that makes his adult self so adorable

Well, anon, I can definitely try :) and, no, I haven't made a rec post before as far as I remember

I know you said darkfic, but since you didn’t specify whether you’re comfortable with nsfw (sex) or triggering topics, I’ll add some warnings for the individual fics anyway. 🤔 (Please also check the tags of the fic before reading)

I’m also tailoring this list to your interests mostly.

(So if anyone else wants to ask for madaobi recs that go into a different direction, like wholesome fluff, horror, any other genre, hit me up xD my personal taste goes more into the direction of them being like yin and yang, push and pull, give and take, where the power dynamic can be flipped in the blink of an eye)

oh, uh, and if you click on the fic titles it'll link you directly to the fic

Rec list:

Between Black (narzissus)

Nsfw, sexual content, canon compliant. Can definitely recommend this one for you. :)

find your way by moonlight (blackkat)

A fic that really got a nicely written messed up dynamic between them. Multiple warnings here: Obligatory nsfw and dub con/non con warning. madaobi is not the main ship of the fic and is not the endgame!!! And as far as I remember, it gets cut off very early in the story. The reason I still recommend the story is because it got exactly that complicated stockholm syndrome and manipulation going on that you want, and the story dives right into that with the first chapter. (And it’s deliciously good). …I admit that I’ve literally only read the madaobi parts xD

Sealed off (Glove)

A short fic by my good friend Glove (who has written a lot of madaobi fics and I can warmly rec them all, but I picked a few that fit your taste specifically). 💕 Sfw, gore. Features the seal on Obito's heart.

Eye to eye (Glove)

No sexual content, but non con intimacy. Very manipulative. Another short fic.

Promise of spring (Glove)

Warning: mentions of mpreg and forced pregnancy. No sexual content. Definitely contains psychological torture for Obito xD

Longing (Nalyra)

This one has other ships besides MadaObi (mind the tags), if you dislike that, skip this one. but 👀 it sure got aaaaall the manipulation, messy relationships etc. aspects for madaobi. And it does it well. Warnings: nsfw. It's smut. Lots of it. xD

Your Warmth Burns Me (DualDreamer)

Idk, I'll be so bold to throw in my own fic here, even though I don't know if it falls even remotely under your parameters. It's definitely not a darkfic. But it's dealing with complicated feelings Obito has and it's veeeeery short. Sfw.

Enquiring_angel

This is my secret tip where I don't give a hoot about the parameters. xD Read any fic that's by enquiring_angel!!!!!!!! Just scroll through the madaobi tag on ao3 and if you see that name, click on it. She has such an amazing grip on the characters, I love her writing so much.

Secret tip: use online translator to read fic

Madaobi has a lot fans in the Chinese community on ao3. Can’t read Mandarin? Use a translator! Often the result will be a bit clunky but I found that once you get used to it, your brain can bridge the gap (like names that get messed up by the translator, or any grammar/sentence structure issues). There are some real gems out there. <3

Finally:

Otherwise, I can only recommend looking on ao3 by yourself. If you filter out any languages you can’t read (and maybe add some tags you prefer), the number of madaobi fics is small enough and not too overwhelming to navigate. (There are probably some fics I missed because I didn’t read them/they’re not up my alley, but might be to your liking?)

I hope this list helps out for a start. ^^

#I don't know if this list will be helpful at all but I tried 🤣#madaobi #ask #fic rec #I spent....too much time on this

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i-smoke-chapstick · 2 months

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HELLO WORKAHOLICS WRITER?!1?11 PLEASE SOME BLAKE HENDERSON FLUFF I BEG I’m torn between making out with him and playing with his hair TY!! ☺️

‘RED WINE SUPERNOVA,

-BLAKE HENDERSON X READER-

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 ; blake general fluff hcs <3

⋆ tags/warnings. Blake Henderson x female reader. PURE FLUFF <3 This song is SO him, thank god for chappell roan!! making out, playing with his hair (ofc), canon typical drug talk, some vague spicyness. anons i love u pleaseplspls keep sending these requests in im FLOORRRREEDDDD

♫ “I don't care that you're a stoner / Put her canine teeth in the side of my neck / Okay, maybe it's a twin bed, and some roommates.” Red Wine Supernova by Chappell Roan

He is such a BABE

I know I mentioned pet names before, but this man NEVER stops. Ever. There is a never ending list of all the sweet things that come out of this guys mouth. We see him through almost every single season say the word “sweetheart” at least once. It’s his favorite.

And of course, the obligatory “my love,” and “dude” and “brajette” he says 24/7

Getting the craziest stupidest texts with all the ideas he comes up with. Having to talk him down, or if you wanna stir the pot, go ahead and encourage him.

“Babe, you won’t believe the idea I had today. What if we opened a petting zoo, but for people? Like, you pay to come and pet really nice people.”

“Blake, No-“

LOTS of physical affection. Especially showing off infront of the guys. He’s got a girlfriend (probably his first…) and he is in LOVE. He wants to scream it from the rooftops. Besides, out of all the guys, he might be the most insecure deep down. Que his hands wrapped around your waist ALL the time, or hugs from behind. Tackles you with kisses.

Insists on being incredibly chivalrous. Type of guy to run up to any door you need to open JUST so he can open it up for you first. Or, if you and the boys are out on the roof, he’s keeping an arm secured tightly around you. Just so you don’t fall.

Also insists on dragging you along with him everywhere he goes.

Get’s really nervous and excited whenever you reciprocate the affection, but he melts right into it. Seeing you wearing his clothes gives him a heart attack /pos

He’s just so caring. Type of boyfriend to check in on you, make sure you’re eating. He’ll give you a high-five if you eat a taco in two bites, incredibly impressed and just wowed by you. You have his utmost support in everything you do.

The dominant energy and he’s a golden retriever boyfriend LAWD

Him getting reallllll back into theater, wanting to act out some monologues. Attempting to read off Romeo and Juliet, butchering the old english. He’ll have you hold whatever script he’s got, wanting you to check his lines and prompt him.

Talking about dreams with eachother. Getting highly philosophical while he paints your nails, both of you high off your asses. Listening to whatever music CD you two play.

“You know, I think I missed my true calling as a nail artist.” When he’s done, admiring his handiwork.

He just loves DOING things with you. You guys will need to get Der’s to drive you out somewhere, and he’ll take you to a nature park or arcade with the boys. Or if it’s a one on one date thingy, he’ll try his absolute best to cook a frozen pizza. When he inevitably burns it, he’ll take you late night snack shopping and push you around in the cart.

Would love to have you in his WoW guild <3 He’s such a giant nerd ahhh

You’re the ONLY person he lets touch his hair. Anyone else he immediately gets defensive with. But with you? Oh my god, he feels honored. And it feels good. Especially when you snake your hand through his curls while you two are sneaking kisses at some strangers house party.

Speaking of kisses…

Ultimate neck-kisser. That one scene, when he’s with the girl in the pool, and he flips her around kinda roughly so he can kiss her neck? Yeah, it’s those small slight acts of dominance that come out when he knows you’re comfortable with him and just as horny as he is.

The heavy breathing, the way he clings to you. He just can’t keep his hands off of you. One on your face, one on your waist, letting you climb into his lap. When he notices it’s getting real hot and heavy, he’ll flip you over so he’s on top ;)

Those little high-pitched moans he lets out with no shame. The little soft utterances of “Oh god,” and “Damn, you’re so fucking hot. Like, crazy hot.” Quickly muttered between open mouthed kisses he plants on you <3

Mmm the french kissing, the shotgunning smoke out of his mouth while he holds you’re chin, his sharp little canines brushing up against your neck when he bites down softly.

You know that little meme thats like, “If I was a worm, would you still love me?”

If you turned into a worm he’d build you a little sanctuary and take care of you everyday.

#x reader #blake henderson #blake henderson x reader #workaholics tv #workaholics #workaholics x reader #blake anderson x reader #blake anderson #workaholics blurbs #fluff #comedy central #headcanons

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ridibulous · 8 months

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Judas / Choir

Judas: host & body name // Choir: system name (Choir System)

(link for more information to be updated...)

♫♪.ılılıllılılı. ♫♪

— body is nineteen years old.

— collectively he/him and (plural, when referring to multiple parts/the system as a whole) they/them. alternate between first-person pronouns i/me and we/us.

— body is an intersex transgender man, 1 year on testosterone, top surgery on the horizon (October 30, 2024). gender identity can be most simply described as binary nonbinary.

— neurodivergent. autistic. DID system.

♫♪.ılılıllılılı. ♫♪

psst... this is only a basic intro. click below for lots more!

Boundaries and BYF info.

— Feel free to send us asks or DM us. We like messages.

— If we do anything wrong... please just tell us? We're constantly trying to learn and grow for the better.

— We block liberally to curate our online experience. If you make us uncomfortable we won't hesitate to do so, even if you aren't on our below "DNI".

— Folk who apply to our DNI can and will get blocked, including when found in our notifications.

— We also read all of our notifications. Expect the possibility of a response as well when you say something, whether it be in your askbox, a reblog of your reblog, whatever.

— Please do not interrogate us about our full background, especially if you are a stranger. We literally don't know it all, and more importantly we don't owe you it.

— For the love of humanity if you have a complex typing quirk and are able to, please be willing to translate it into plain English. Obligatory "typing quirks are inherently ableist and refusing to translate is being actively ableist". As a Homestuckie I can understand leetspeak-esque quirks, but if yours is so esoteric I can't easily gleam what your message says it will get on my nerves.

— Please please please understand that if you misinterpret my posts as a stranger I might get passive aggressive. I try not to, this is unfortunately the piss on the poor website, but god damn please use your reading comprehension for a minute before saying something on our posts.

— We personally do not like being called a "plural". If you enjoy the label, cool. Please don't use it on us.

— Parts/alters (we use both terms interchangably) don't have signoffs by default just cause we don't really see the point here. Everyone who's willing & allowed on here uses tumblr as they wish.

— All system posts we make (should) have "#endos dni" and "#endos fuck off" as a warning for pro-endo folk. We don't blame you if you liked or reblogged from somewhere else, but our boundaries are still as such.

— We don't usually tag triggers (or much of anything) especially on reblogs. We just hit the funny green button unless the content is particularly compelling enough for us to tag.

— In general we're really sloppy with tags. We've had this blog for years on end, and don't feel particularly inclined to sideblogs. This also means you might stumble upon old posts and/or opinions if you go through our blog. Sorry for any cringe you find /lh

DNI

more of a broad "who we ignore/block" list. I mean seriously, is a flesh & blood TERF going to listen to this?

in other news, if you don't apply to any of the below, you should follow us! /not forced

— Any type of bigot.

— Radical feminists in general. This includes TERFs, T"I"RFs, SWERFs, febfems, transradfems/baeddels, etc. We include them under our "bigot" label, but just being thorough.

— Any flavor of right-wing nonsense. (conservative, alt-right, neonazi, pro-life, antivax, etc.)

— Anti-Furry. Your life is boring as shit.

— Anti-therian/otherkin/objectum, or any adjacent label.

— Anti-self-shipping, self-inserts, and OC x Canon. Your life is ALSO boring as shit.

— Heavily in pro/anti-ship discourse. We are not proship, antiship, or neutral. Do not force any of these labels on us, we do not engage with the discourse seriously. It should be common sentiment that pedophilia(+related i.e necro, zoo, etc), incest, abuse etc. that's publicly romanticized/fetishized as normal or okay is wrong. TL;DR,

[ID: A tumblr screenshot with a grainy filter overlay. It's a post by @/bloodenjoyer posted on May 25, 2023 that reads as follows, "i'm not “pro ship” or “anti ship” i live in the real world + have media literacy + am grossed out by pedophilia which is all pretty standard fare for people who life in the real world actually". /End ID.]

— Queer exclusionists & infighters (truscum/transmed, anti-mspec monos, anti-contradictory identities, believes aspec aren't inherently queer, doesn't believe transandrophobia is real, etc.)

— Not normal about intersex people. Sex is not binary. You cannot "transition to become intersex". Intersex doesn't just mean "both sets of genitalia". AFAB doesn't equal female and AMAB doesn't equal male. Be a better advocate.

— Pro-radqueer/transx identities.

— Non-traumagenic systems and supporters. Neutral folk with a pro-endo leaning are on thin ice. Everyone else is cool.

— Pro-contact paraphiles. (ex. pedophilia, zoophilia, necrophilia)

— Believe in "narc abuse" or other cluster B "abuses".

— Anti-age regression/age dreaming (agere/agedre) or pet regression/pet dreaming (petre/petdre).

— Anti-well researched self-diagnosis.

— Believe RAMCOA/OEA isn't real or purposefully believe conspiracy theories & other disinformation related to it.

— Porn blogs who post about hard CNC/rape kink, gore/guro, DDLG & other ageplay (agere/agedre are inherently SFW to us.), raceplay, fat fetish/feederism, and detransition kink.

— If you don't know how to use the block button yourself and shit bricks in our notes/askbox over something trivial. /hj

♫♪.ılılıllılılı. ♫♪

To be updated whenever we feel like it.

#introduction #introductory post #pinned intro #pinned post

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unknownchaos · 10 months

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[flies towards your current location at high speed. Tries to open your door instead of breaking it, falis miserably, trembles, and falls directly on your bed] ... So you have seen the show!! That's amazing!! Please let's rant about it and reblog posts so chat can get convinced to watch it. Also, let me hug you <3

Accepting your hug with open arms <3 also, I love the show!!! So much!!! I'm taking your "please let's rant about it" as an invitation to do so, so here's the spoiler warning for Invincible under the cut for anyone else reading this :) (Also, warning for incoherent rambling. I got a little excited)

Where do I even start? The show is incredible, and the characters are incredible, and the animation is incredible; can you tell I like the show? When my friend first recommended Invincible to me (well, it was less recommending and more telling me to watch it) I did not have high expectations. Then Omni-man turned the Guardians of the Globe into red mist?? I was sold on the show right then and there.

Right before I even got to episode 5 with Battle Beast, a friend of mine who read the comics long before he watched the show likened Battle Beast's appearance in the first season to putting Thanos up against Pre-Serum Steve Rogers in a fight. I only realized how right he was when Battle Beast absolutely massacred everybody easily.

Dude, all of episode five was just phenomenal. I mean, if it weren't for episodes 7-8, it would definitely be my favorite. Everyone was just so cool, the action sequences where just so sick. I actually paused the show when Mark went super saiyan-- everything about that scene was so insane to me.

And then the fight scenes between Omni-Man and Invincible???? Jesus, dude. For a bit of context, I had only ever known of Omni-man from Mortal Kombat and a couple of out-of-context clips that made me think he was just some Deadpool-esque superhero. I don't know if you know about his Mortal Kombat fatalities, but in one of them Omni-man grabs his opponent and does the whole "holds them up to an oncoming train" scene he does to Mark in the show. At the time, I thought it was just a cool fatality, but then he did it to Mark in the show and I lost it.

Is this where I talk about my favorite characters? I'm gonna talk about my favorite characters now. Robot/Rudy is my #1, hands down. I saw him and it was adoration at first sight. What can I say, I love robot characters. While I do understand his whole "becoming-human" arc, I have to say that I am partial to his Robot version over his Rudy version. (If that makes any sense)

I don't know how controversial this is, but Omni-man's right up there at #2. Hang on, before you block me, I just think he's a really interesting character. The tears when he flew away from Mark? The fact that he let Mark live? All the fucked up shit he's done on top of that? There's just- something about him that's so interesting to me. I want to study him under a microscope.

Allen is #3. Like with Robot, it was love at first sight. He's just so cool and a good person all around, and I KNEW they would kill him off the SECOND his "Allen the Alien" title card showed up. I was watching the show with Red and I called it out loud and she said "they wouldn't kill him off, right? They wouldn't do that." and then he died in front of us. I was devastated.

Then it comes to Amber and Eve who I love very much and they are both very dear to me. If anything bad happens to either of them ever I will need 3-4 business days to recover. [Obligatory comment about how hot they are here. Anthony obligatory comment about how Eve with the buzz cut is an underrated look.]

I could go on forever about this show, but for both of our sakes, I'll conclude this post here :) feel free to give me your thoughts as well :)))

#Have I mentioned that I love this show?#Invincible #Invincible Spoilers #Invincible season 2 #Invincible season 1 #chaos answers

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lunanoc · 1 year

Note

dare i say…..1, 6, 8, and 17 for the ask meme?

ohh please do, i have so many opinions about dmbj. that being said, obligatory disclaimer, all of these are very much my subjective opinions, not fact. fandom discourse ahead, you’ve been warned

for the ‘choose violence ask game’:

1. the character everyone gets wrong

if i had to be completely honest, my hot take would be that technically a distressingly large portion of the vocal dmbj fandom gets pretty much all the characters wrong to the point it’s actually kind of concerning, but if i had to choose one character in particular, it’d have to be xiaoge.

and look. i understand that a number of people have only watched the dramas and aren’t particularly inclined to read the books because of the time commitment that comes with so much material to get through, and that’s fair. but it’s very telling when someone only goes off of the dramas to shape their characterizations (and even then, i could have a hotter take that the dramas, exceptions aside, all have the broad strokes of the characters down with only details that change, so there’s really no excuse) because in the books, xiaoge is repeatedly described as being indifferent and very much disinterested and untouched by what goes on around him. xiaoge choosing to invest himself in something or someone is very much something noteworthy coming from him. and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have emotions, but it does mean he’s a very nuanced character to explore when it comes to them and how they’re displayed.

it’s incredibly frustrating to see how many people, often times for the sake of a trope or a ship dynamic, make him one dimensional. either he’s a cold, almost brutal s*x predator, or he’s a tortured angsty soul that’s meek and emotionally vulnerable the moment he trusts someone enough, or he’s dramatically waxing poetic in his head about his feelings for X Y or Z, or possibly worst of all, he’s a mindless one-fit-for-all doll that caters to whatever ship he’s been placed in.

it’s not like i’m the authority on characterization, everyone has their biases, myself included, but the key to understanding xiaoge is to remember that he’s an old soul, disconnected from the world and people around him both through his particular circumstances and through the way he’s been consistently dehumanized practically since he was a baby. his sense of self is in shambles, and only begins a slow (re)construction through his slow-growing friendship with wu xie and pangzi. of course he has his doubts and fears—the whole evolution from ‘i have no connection to this world’ to ‘my one connection to this world is you’ doesn’t come out of nowhere—but those doubts aren’t expressed in conventional ways, just like any love or affection he might feel will never be thought of or expressed in grandiose or over the top ways. a lot of the things he feels just are, and it doesn’t make them less true or complex just because xiaoge isn’t one to overanalyze things and accepts and is secure in them so long as he’s been made aware of them. he’s also assertive in his judgment of things in general. i could go on and honestly i’m not sure i’m even touching the tip of the iceberg as far as fandom treatment of xiaoge goes but just. yeah.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying

this. is a very loaded question with a very loaded answer. i keep feeling like i need to make disclaimers before i say things like “if you like this it’s fine” because yes it absolutely is. i’m not telling anyone a ship is bad. but if i have to point fingers, there’s a group of people who happen to be very into particular ships with whom i’ve had. less than great interactions. so this isn’t a judgment of the ships so much as it’s a reflection of my experiences with a lot of people who happen to be vocal about liking them.

and in my time in the dmbj fandom, no group of people has been more aggravating to me than ls shippers and lc character shippers in general. and tbh i can extend that to the people who make shipping every possible character combination under the sun their entire personality. again it’s fine if you like any of these things. but that i’ve personally experienced, too many of these people manage to often offer the unholy combination of being extremely pushy about their preferences even when someone politely expresses they’re not into them, and having the worst takes imaginable on any given character they claim to like. it’s to the point where while i initially had no particularly strong feelings about ls as a character, i genuinely do not like him now and do not want to hear about him in general. and tbh by extension i’m not the biggest fan of lc and his characters just because i unfortunately associate him with these people and their behavior. you can imagine how much i enjoy the fact that these are also the group of people who’ve effectively silently bullied a number of other people out of fandom spaces enough that they’re now the face of the dmbj fandom on a number of platforms.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

once again this could apply to so many things. but i think the one thing that gets me the most is the very widespread opinion that dmbj as a canon is inconsistent and full of plot holes and makes no sense. i’ve had people tell me that dmbj canon doesn’t exist because the canon is so incoherent and incohesive, and that the fandom likes it that way because it’s more fun. and that’s just a preference for fanon over canon that’s being justified by passing it off as a fact for some reason.

it’s fine to have preferences, but i draw the line at intentional misinformation. and once again, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, it’s telling of people having largely engaged with the dramas over the books, because the books, while imperfect and sometimes leaving things unanswered (and even then that’s becoming a moot point seeing as npss is tying up a lot of those loose ends in the more recent arc of the story that predictably over half of the fandom is unaware of because it hasn’t been adapted), very rarely end up having major discrepancies. the books, which sorry to say are very much the definitive canon, are actually very cohesive both for plot and characters, and the loose ends, while frustrating, are never to the detriment of the plot. nothing is openly contradictory, or rarely. and with such an extensive source material that doesn’t hand you answers on a gold platter, it also requires some close reading of seemingly innocuous details that become relevant down the line, which can get complicated given the sheer amount of information.

so while it’s not necessarily easy, no dmbj is not full of ‘pits haha’. people only think that because a) they’ve only watched the dramas which are an absolute mess and b) it makes them feel justified in considering dmbj like some free-for-all chinese tomb raiding themed dnd game they can remix ad infinitum, when i honestly don’t understand why that even needs justification. you can enjoy fanon without dunking on both the canon and the people who enjoy engaging with it idk.

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

this is honestly a great question and i had to think about it for a bit, so i’m going to offer two (ish) options. the first kind of general one is i wish there were more book-centric fics instead of drama-centric ones, because while i enjoy the shows for different reasons, i love the books and the specific vibe they have, and just overall i prefer them by a fair margin. i’d specifically love fic about anything post restart but that’s a pipe dream tbh.

the second is i wish there were more gen fics about the main characters? i know there are a number of gen fics out there, but a lot of them tend to include or focus on minor characters i don’t particularly care for, and so much of the fic involving the iron triangle specifically tends to either be shippy, or even when it’s gen is still flirting a very close line to shippy that’s gen only in name and hinges on the fact it doesn’t include s*x or kissing or explicit mentions of relationship status. but i want the gen fic where it’s just wu xie and pangzi goofing off over a beer, the gen fic where it’s just pangzi trying to get a rise out of xiaoge by telling him ridiculous dirty jokes as they clean xilaimian’s kitchen while xiaoge stays impassive and eventually wu xie comes back from wherever he was and digs at pangzi for it. i want the gen fic where it’s just wu xie and xiaoge on a walk in the mountains, no talking, just enjoying each other’s presence and the peace the silence brings.

special mention to i would also like for ship fics that include one pair in the iron triangle to not write off the other member for very obvious reasons. like shipping pangxie and conveniently taking xiaoge out of the picture by writing him off as ace (which is a hc i vibe with but not when it’s a poor excuse for excluding him). or like shipping pingxie and just not including pangzi in situations where he very much would be. romance and friendship are different types of relationships but both are as valuable and can and should coexist without invalidating each other.

#ask meme #fandom discourse #dmbj #this is probably the most open i've ever been #and will ever be #about my Thoughts on some of the things that go on in dmbj fandom

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acacia-may · 1 year

Text

Not All Heroes (OMORI Fanfiction)

Description: Kel was the type of person who tended to wear his heart on his sleeve, but even if he wasn't, his older brother, Hero, would still be able to tell something was definitely bothering him. After all, he's been silently trying to fix their broken toaster for who knows how long... Little does he know that what's troubling Kel is far above his pay grade.

Hero tries his best to be a supportive older brother and help Kel process some unexpected news.

[A Post-Bad Ending AU That Takes Place (Nearly) 6 Years After the Bad Ending of OMORI]

Relationships: Hero & Kel's Brotherly Bond and Kelbrey (Romantic Kel/Aubrey) [A/N: Kelbrey is more angsty & dysfunctional here than I like to imagine them, sorry. Blame the game's bad ending.]. Some Hero & Kel & Aubrey friendship. Mentions of Hero & Kel & Aubrey & Sunny & Basil & Mari friendship and References to Past HeroMari (Romantic Hero/Mari).

Characters: Hero (POV Character), Kel, and Aubrey. Sunny, Mari, & Basil are mentioned. Hero & Kel's parents and Sally briefly appear.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Slice of Life, Brotherly Love, Family Feels, Angst With A Hopeful Ending, Aged-Up Characters/Future Fic, Some Romance (Kelbrey), Heart To Heart Chats, Unplanned Pregnancy, Hero: The Savior of Kelbrey, Father's Day, Angsty Kel, Toasters, It Actually Has a Happy/Hopeful Ending (I Promise)

Word Count: 6945

Rating: T for some language and heavy themes and thematic elements (i.e. grief & healing from grief and trauma) and some more suggestive thematic elements/implied suggestive thematic elements due to referenced pregnancy (Note: There is nothing explicit in this fic whatsoever).

Warnings: Major Spoilers for OMORI Bad Ending! Heavy themes and thematic elements (i.e. grief & healing from grief and trauma). Some language, including one (1) somewhat vulgar insult. More suggestive thematic elements/implied suggestive thematic elements due to referenced pregnancy. Implied/Referenced unplanned pregnancy. Implied/Referenced Past Character Deaths. Implied/Referenced Mental Health Issues (i.e. depression, suicide ect.). Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms. Mentioned (of age) drinking. [Disclaimer: I am not advocating for any of the kinds of dysfunction and unhealthy coping skills referenced in this fic. Please don't try this at home, kids]. More tags on AO3.

Link to original post on AO3. Please do not repost to another website.

A/N: I am clearly entering my OMORI era and also my Kel Angst era maybe? I don't know. I prefer happy Kel so I don't know why I keep writing about him being so sad, but I just couldn't get this idea out of my head. I really just wanted to write in a "Post-Bad Ending" AU, I guess. Will I ever write a story in which Kel gets to be happy? This has yet to be seen. Sorry Kel.

Story below the cut. Thank you for reading! 💕

“Hey, Kel. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home. They were still out of tomato soup, but I got some potato soup that was on sale in the deli section.” Hero paused—waiting for Kel to make some obligatory joke about tomatoes and potatoes, but Kel didn’t say anything. In fact, he didn’t even look up from whatever he was working on over in the living room of their apartment as Hero set the grocery bags on the counter. Maybe he didn’t hear him?

“Kel?” No answer. “Kel?” he repeated a little louder to still, no answer. “Earth to Kel…” he teased, hoping that would get his attention. When Kel didn’t respond, Hero’s brow furrowed. Usually, his brother couldn’t wait to talk his ear off as soon as he got home, but today he was strangely quiet. It was more than a little concerning. “You okay, Kel?”

“Huh?” Kel startled nearly dropping the screwdriver he had in his hands. Hero could have sworn his face flushed for just a split second before he hurriedly replied, “Oh sorry, Hero. I didn’t hear you come in.”

That was…odd, but Hero shrugged it off. “No worries. What are you working on?”

“Oh, just taking a look at the toaster. I think there’s a problem with the electrical circuit.”

Hero sighed. Their toaster had been on the fritz for a couple of days now, and even though Hero had suggested that they could just buy a new one, Kel had gotten into his mind that he should be able to fix it. This in and of itself wasn’t anything new. Kel could certainly be stubborn when he wanted to be, but he was usually a total chatterbox when he was working, not so engrossed in his projects that he turned uncharacteristically silent.

“Seriously, Kel. We can just buy a new one. It’s no big deal.”

“But what if we need the money for something else?”

“Like what?” Hero’s brow furrowed as a strange look passed over Kel’s eyes.

“I dunno,” he muttered quietly, turning back to the broken toaster. Hero took a deep breath. Something was wrong—call it brother’s intuition, but he knew it.

“Hey, Kel, is…is everything okay?” he asked with a slight tilt of his head. Kel swallowed hard and fidgeted, but he didn’t answer. “Is there something going on at work?” Hero’s mind was racing. Maybe Kel’s plant was downsizing or he had made a big mistake and was in trouble or there was something going on within the company that was making him fear for his job security and his ability to afford toasters…?

“Nah. It’s not that,” answered Kel with a shrug. He looked almost relieved, and his smile returned though it wasn’t nearly as bright as usual. “I think I’m squared away there. Mr. Talbot says I’m a great welder so I can keep working for him as long as I want, and I’ve been making lots of money working third shift.”

A smile tugged at Hero’s mouth, and he sighed with relief. He was glad Kel’s job was secure and that he seemed to be doing so well for himself now. Hero had been so worried about him after Sunny and Basil had died, but his brother had somehow found his way—thriving in trade school and finding a job he loved in manufacturing. In fact, Hero doubted he knew anyone who loved their job nearly as much as Kel. Almost every morning, whenever Hero was getting ready to head off to one of his med school classes or his clinical work at the hospital, Kel was getting back to the apartment they shared after his late shift, smiling and excitedly prattling away about mechanical things Hero couldn’t begin to understand. He wished Kel would smile now—but he looked so defeated. Something was definitely wrong.

Hero took a deep breath. He didn’t want to press the issue, but he knew Kel was the type of person who let his worries about burdening others prevent him from opening up sometimes. Over the years, Hero had learned that his brother sometimes needed some gentle encouragement that it was okay to share whatever was on his mind, even if it wasn’t his usual brand of upbeat positivity. “Kel…are you sure everything’s okay?”

Kel paused but didn’t look up from his toaster project. “I─I just…I’ve got a lot on my mind I guess, but I’m sure it’ll work out.”

“If you want to talk about it, you can tell me…” Hero reassured him, but when Kel just shrugged again, he sighed. He hoped that Kel knew he could always talk to him about anything, and he just chose not to. Hero had never really known why that was—though he hoped that it wasn’t because of something he had done, that the time he had lashed out at him after Mari’s death hadn’t scarred Kel in a way that made him scared of ever opening up to him again. In the best case scenario, Hero liked to think that whatever troubled Kel was awkward for him to share with his brother and so he was just more comfortable talking to someone else about it—usually Aubrey, if Hero had to guess.

Aubrey and Kel were thick as thieves, especially since they had lost Basil and Sunny, and Kel had told him once that they could talk about things with each other that they could never say to anyone else. Hero had never been entirely sure what they talked about, and he respectfully stayed out of it for the most part, not wanting to pry into their business. He was just grateful Kel had someone to talk to about whatever was troubling him, and it was nice to have Aubrey around their apartment all the time for meals or to watch tv or to play cards or board games. Even if he hadn’t seen much of her lately seeing as he was so busy with med school and his clinical work, he could always tell when she had been around because the place was much tidier than if he had just left Kel to his own devices. But as nice as it was to come home to the dishes done or the kitchen floor swept up or to the silly sticky-notes she’d leave on their refrigerator, Hero missed actually getting to visit with Aubrey and wished they hadn’t had alternating schedules.

Like Kel, Aubrey also worked a late shift as a nurse at a local psychiatric hospital. She didn’t like to talk about her job much—and probably couldn’t due to HIPPA and privacy concerns—but Hero couldn’t help but wonder if she chose that line of work to try to prevent another Sunny or Basil from… He swallowed hard and pushed the thought away. They had only discussed it once, very briefly when she first started working in a juvenile psych ward, but he would never forget what she said: “I just kept thinking that someday I’ll finally understand why—what could have possibly led them to think that was the only…”—her voice had hitched—“But I don’t think I’ll ever really know, you know, Hero?”

He had known, and, if he was being honest, he was still trying to make sense of it all himself even all these years later. He was proud of Aubrey for taking that on and trying her best to make a difference to people who were suffering in that way, especially since he knew he would never have the strength for it himself. He avoided psychological topics like the plague, and there was nothing in the world that could make him take a psychiatry residency after he graduated medical school—it just hit too close to home. Even sitting here and trying to help Kel with whatever was troubling him would probably keep him up all night with worry. Aubrey was much stronger—much better at this kind of thing than him. That’s probably why Kel felt like he could talk to her about anything. Maybe they could invite her over for pizza and a game of Jenga and she could help Kel through whatever he was going through.

“Or maybe you could call Aubrey?” Hero suggested when Kel didn’t respond. Kel flinched—something sad passing over his eyes, and Hero’s insides twisted. Had he said something wrong?

“Aubrey…” Kel fidgeted, before beginning to tinker with the toaster again. “Aubrey hasn’t been talking to me. She said she needed some space, and I’ve been trying to respect that, it’s just been hard.”

“Did you two have a fight?” Hero’s brow furrowed. Sure, they still bickered with each other, teased and bantered with each other sometimes, but as far as he knew they hadn’t had a real, actual fight with each other in years.

“Not really, but…” Kel swallowed. “I think I really messed up this time.” With a sigh, he set the broken toaster and his tools down on the coffee table, and he ran a hand through his unruly hair.

“Aubrey’s your friend,” reassured Hero. “I’m sure she will forgive you eventually. Have you tried apologizing?”

“Well yeah, of course, I did, but like I said she won’t really talk to me…” He paused and swallowed hard. “Except for today. She called and said she wanted to meet up this morning. I was going to tell her how sorry I was for everything and maybe ask her to get some dinner with me or something but then—then she…” Kel stopped. He fumbled around for something in his pocket before pulling out a small square of paper. “She gave me this.”

Hero’s eyes widened as he stared at the paper in Kel’s hand. The picture was blurry in grainy black and white, but it was unmistakable to Hero. After all, he must have looked through hundreds of similar ultrasounds during his unit on obstetrics. Still, he couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around it. He choked on his words though he wasn’t even sure what he was trying to say.

“It’s a sonogram.” Kel paused pointing at the grainy picture. “See, that’s the head, and there’s an arm. Aubrey said the technician laughed because it looked like he was waving at them.”

“Aubrey’s…uh…that is…she’s…um…is she…?” Hero’s face flushed, and he stopped abruptly. He couldn’t say it. It made it too real.

Kel, however, must have caught on well enough to his rambled half-sentences, and he hummed and nodded in agreement though a sheepish smile twitched in the corners of his mouth. “Yeah… she’s—uh—having a baby. She says she’s due near Mari’s birthday, in March.”

“I…I didn’t even know she was in a relationship…”

“I don’t think she is”—Kel cleared his throat and shrugged his shoulders slightly—“ Or maybe she is. I don’t know. She hasn’t really talked to me in a while.”

“Is…is the father…?” Hero stammered, halfway hoping Kel would cut him off. It seemed like too personal a question and probably none of his business, but the words slipped out before he could stop them.

Kel bit his lip and stared off at the wall as he rubbed his hand across the nape of his neck. “Oh—uh, so…funny story about that…” His cheeks flushed, and Hero could feel his own face begin to burn. He swallowed hard. No. There was no way…

“Kel─” he barely managed to choke out, blinking at him in disbelief.

“Uh, yeah so…” Kel sort of shrugged his shoulders before he chuckled lightly, awkwardly. “This is my kid. I’m gonna be a dad—pretty wild, huh?” he said with far more nonchalance than the situation warranted. Kel sighed down at the sonogram before holding out the paper to Hero. “And I guess that means this is your nephew or niece, right? It’s a little unbelievable honestly, and I’m kind of freaking out to tell you the truth.”

Hero could only blink at him in disbelief before he pressed his palm to his forehead, trying to remind himself to take deep, shaky breaths. “Kel…I…What? How?” he tripped hurriedly over his words.

“You’re really close to being a doctor, Hero. You really expect me to believe you don’t know where babies come from?”

Hero choked—blushing a beet red. “No, uh, that’s not what I meant!” he frantically replied. He paused, trying his best to clear his parched throat. “I just meant that you and…and Aubrey…” His face flushed an even deeper red. Aubrey was a very private person about everything, especially her personal life, but Hero didn’t think she had ever had a serious relationship. Up until this moment, he would have sworn that Kel certainly hadn’t, and, as far as he knew, he wasn’t out there hooking up with a bunch of girls either. Then again, what did he know? He was just his older brother. Kel could be a real ladies’ man or maybe he had been secretly in a relationship with Aubrey this entire time and hadn’t told anyone for some reason or…? Hero’s head whirled. He didn’t know what to think. He supposed it was really none of his business, but the words tumbled out in his desperate attempts to make sense of what he was hearing. “Are you two…um…dating?”

“I don’t think so. I wish she’d let me take her on a date, but she’s just been avoiding me ever since we…uh, well, you know…” Kel scratched the back of his neck and let out a long, heavy sigh before he shook his head. He cleared his throat and something almost helpless and genuinely remorseful passed over his eyes. “Listen, I─I really, really messed up, Hero. I don’t even know what I was thinking—I probably wasn’t thinking anything, and now…now this is just such a mess and I─I don’t know what to do…”

“Do you…uh…want to talk about it?” He tripped over his words, sheepish and awkward. He was sure it wasn’t his place and truthfully didn’t really want to know, but he could tell Kel desperately needed to get it all off his chest and if the last decade had taught them anything, it was that carrying a burden alone, crumbling under the weight of it, could destroy a person. He had already lost Mari, Sunny, and Basil in this way—he didn’t want to lose Kel too, didn’t want him to suffer alone. “I’m here. If you ever…” His voice trailed, but Kel tilted his head with a conceding sigh.

“It was a couple months ago,” he began. There was a certain relief that passed over his face when he started talking as if he had been desperately wanting to tell someone this story for a long, long time, and knowing Kel as well as he did, Hero could only imagine how hard it was for him to keep it a secret for months. “She was really, really sad since the anniversary was coming up. It’s been 5 years since Basil…” He stopped. “And 6 years since Sunny…and 10 since Mari…” His voice trailed. “It’s just a lot, you know? So she came over and we sat and talked about it for a long time, and she was really, really broken up. I probably should’ve stopped her from drinking with me, I just…I hate it when she cries, and she thought it would make her feel better. But I think it just made us stupid.”

He sighed and shook his head. “It was getting really late. You were still at the hospital or school or somewhere…and I was just listening to her and sometimes talking too—the details are all kind of fuzzy but eventually she started saying something about how she doesn’t have anybody—Mari and Basil and Sunny and her dad, they all just left her and now she’s all alone. And I just wanted her to feel better. I told her that she has me, you know? But I know that probably doesn’t mean a lot coming from me—nobody really needs me…” He shrugged his shoulders and tried to laugh it off, but Hero could see the pain in his eyes before he sighed again. “I know, I know it was a sucky thing for me to do, but when she said she needed me, I─I just…I don’t know…I just…kissed her and—she kissed me back. And then I kissed her back and…I don’t know if it was the alcohol or that we were sad or just both things, everything, but well… one thing led to another…”

Kel cleared his throat, and Hero sighed with relief that his brother had cut himself off there. He didn’t want to interrupt Kel or make him feel like he couldn’t share, but he couldn’t shake the feeling he was somehow invading his and Aubrey’s privacy. There were certain things brothers just shouldn’t ever know about each other.

“It was huge mistake, and I felt so guilty about it the next day, like I took advantage of how broken up she was. She said it was what she wanted, but I just don’t think she would have wanted me if she was completely sober and wasn’t so upset, you know?” He let out a long and heavy sigh. “I tried to apologize to her, but she said she’d rather just forget about it—chalk it up to stupid drunk mistakes and unhealthy coping or whatever and just never talk about it again. I said that was okay, but I just kept thinking about it—not in a weird way, just in an ‘I really wished I could do things over and take her out on a real date’ kind of way. Seriously, the very next day I was planning to ask if she’d let me buy her breakfast or something, but she had totally disappeared when I woke up and like I said, she wouldn’t really talk to me after so…”

Kel sighed and ran a hand through his hair, cursing under his breath. “I’m such an idiot and now…now she’s…” He shook his head in disbelief. “I almost didn’t believe it when she told me, but she had this picture and everything…” He gripped the sonogram until his knuckles began to turn white. “She had this video too—on her phone.” As Kel paused, his face began to soften, and a smile twitched in the corners of his mouth—”It was actually kinda cool. The baby was really wiggling around and stuff. I thought that maybe…maybe he’d be kinda athletic like me—or she would, if it’s a girl.” He somehow managed a shaky chuckle. “You could hear the heartbeat too—sounded really strong…” Kel’s voice trailed as he ran a hand through his hair and took several shallow, shaky breaths. “Shit, Hero. What am I gonna do?”

Kel buried his face in his hands, and Hero’s chest ached. He scrambled to try to think of something to say to comfort Kel, but all he could think about was whether he had ever seen his brother so scared before. He couldn’t even imagine what he was feeling right now—the complicated emotions—the disbelief, the fears, the uncertainty, the guilt and the helplessness that must have been eating away at him since he had found out about the baby.

“I feel terrible—like I’ve ruined her life and probably ruined the kid’s life or at least I’m gonna ruin it eventually because I don’t have any idea what I’m doing. I don’t know anything about being a parent—I can barely take care of myself.”

“I’m sure Mom and Dad could give you some advice…”

Kel interrupted him with a groan, muttering a string of curses under his breath before throwing up his hands. “I didn’t even think about them. They’re gonna kill me.”

“I’m sure they’re not going to…um…” Hero stopped. “Listen, Mom and Dad care about you. They’re probably going to be surprised, but I think they’ll be supportive and helpful.” Hero tried to muster a reassuring smile. “I mean…Sally was a surprise to them, right?”

“They had Sally after being married for almost 20 years, Hero. I haven’t even taken Aubrey on a real date. These are not the same things.” Kel huffed but shook his head waving his hands around in frustration. Hero could tell by the look in his eyes that he was spiraling. “Oh, Sally… I wasn’t thinking about her either. She’s gonna be more like a sister than an aunt, and what are Mom and Dad even going to tell her? Like ‘Hey, Sally, guess what, your big brother’s a manwhore. He’s a baby daddy now.’”

“K—Kel!” spluttered a red-faced Hero. “They’re not going to say that, especially not to Sally.”

“What if they take it out on Aubrey?” Kel cut him off, gesturing wildly with his hands, clearly spiraling too much to listen to him. “What are people gonna say about her? What are they gonna think? Especially the church ladies—they’re gonna whisper and gossip about her and think terrible, awful things, and it’s all my fault.”

“Listen, Kel, you can’t control what other people think, okay?” Hero tried to reassure him, politely failing to mention that Kel had much more important things to worry about than the church ladies. “And…”

“And Aubrey said her mom told her not to bother coming home if she ever got pregnant,” The words raced out of Kel’s mouth, faster than Hero thought he could even think them. “And—and Kim…oh shit, Hero, she wants to cut off—”

“Calm down,” interjected Hero placing both hands squarely on Kel’s shoulders until he was looking at him with wide, frightened eyes. Hero took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down too. It wouldn’t do Kel any good if he also started spiraling into a tornado of worries. “Okay? It’s going to be okay. Take a couple of deep breaths. The most important thing right now is Aubrey—how is Aubrey?” Hero paused, but Kel only blinked at him so he prompted, “I’m sure she’s…she’s scared too, right? Has she been sick?”

“She’s not sick, Hero. She’s pregnant.”

He buried his face in his hand—willing himself not to roll his eyes. “Yes, Kel…” he said with a heavy sigh. “I know that. I just…meant…has she been feeling sick because she’s pregnant?”

“Oh.” With a thoughtful tilt of his head, Kel’s brow furrowed. “I don’t know. I didn’t think to ask that.” He pressed his palm to his forehead and shook his head. “I’m so bad at this.”

“It’s—it’s okay, Kel…” Hero reached out his hand to pat his brother’s shoulder, but Kel jerked away from him.

“No, it isn’t.” His face fell, and he sighed despondently. “This whole thing is just terrible—I feel like such a screw up. If I was just more careful or a better person, I wouldn’t have messed up and gotten her pregnant in the first place. If I really cared about her, I would’ve just called her a ride or something. I bet that’s what you would have done—you’d have been a gentleman, made sure she got home safe. You’d probably never even be in this situation, with anyone…”

“Well…uh…,” Hero stumbled unsure of how exactly to respond to that. He didn’t really want to be involved, and he certainly didn’t think that comparison to him was warranted. He couldn’t even imagine wanting to be in a relationship with anyone—not anymore, not since Mari… He stopped—swallowing hard and ignoring that pang in his chest. He couldn’t even imagine kissing another woman. Let alone… He cleared his throat and awkwardly fidgeted with his hands. He supposed Kel was right. He probably would have never been in this situation—he was way above his pay grade here.

“Listen, Kel…” he began, hoping he would think of something comforting to say if he just started fumbling his way through his words. “Don’t beat yourself up. I know it’s really scary, but it’s going to be okay. What’s important now is that you need to do right by Aubrey and the baby. You need to take responsibility and care of them.”

“I know, and I want to—really. I just…I don’t know what I should do…,” Kel continued, a certain helplessness creeping into his voice. “I asked Aubrey if she thought we should get married or something…” He paused. “She said she’d think about it…” As Kel bit his lip, his face fell, and he fidgeted with his hands. He looked defeated—almost wounded. Even so, he managed an awkward chuckle as he scratched the nape of his neck. “I completely understand if she doesn’t want to marry me though. She can probably do a lot better. I just—I didn’t know what else to do…”

“I’m sure it’s not about you personally, Kel. She probably just doesn’t want a shotgun wedding, you know?”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Kel sighed. “But I don’t think it would be just a shotgun wedding, you know?”

“Would you have wanted to marry her even if she wasn’t─?” His voice cracked. He was still struggling to say it.

“Maybe…someday—probably farther in the future after we actually went out, you know? We haven’t even been on a real date before.” He sighed and pressed his hand wearily to his forehead again. “I feel like I need to buy her some noodles or a piece of cake or something before we have a kid. She deserves a real date and a real relationship and stuff…Probably a real proposal too. I didn’t even have a ring or anything. I just kind of panicked.”

“Kel…uh…” Hero stopped himself before he stammered ‘slow down.’ “Are you…? Uh…Do you love Aubrey?”

“I dunno—maybe. Probably.” He sighed. “I just never really thought about it, you know? I just didn’t think she was ever gonna be into me, so I figured it would be best not to even consider it. But…I dunno… she’s pretty amazing.” His mouth curved into a smile, and there was something almost wistful in his eyes. “She’s honest and funny and kinda spunky—and her nose gets all wrinkly when she laughs”—he chuckled, then sighed—“Ever since Sunny and Basil died, she’s been the closest person in the world to me besides you. I’ve told her stuff I could never tell anyone else—all kinds of stuff about me and how I feel, even the bad stuff—and she still talks to me after. And—I dunno—it’s kind of like she sees something in me that nobody else does. I can’t stop thinking about her, and I want to be with her all the time and…I just want to make her happy—” Kel stopped and took a deep breath, shaking his head as if he had finally realized what Hero had figured out about five sentences ago. “Damn…I’m a moron.”

Hero stifled a chuckle before he ruffled his little brother’s hair with a gentle smile. “You’re just in love.”

Kel blushed. “You really think so?”

Hero shrugged his shoulders and nodded—the understatement of the century seeing as he never even realized Kel could look so besotted or lovesick, especially not about Aubrey of all people. Sure, he teased them a little from time to time, as older siblings tend to do, but he probably would have never treated it like such a joke if he had the slightest inkling Kel was harboring real, genuine feelings for her. To see how his face lit up just now when talked about her, Hero, honestly, felt pretty stupid for not having realized it before.

Kel’s smile had all but faded, and he buried his face in his hands, cursing under his breath again. “I have really, really messed this up…” he mumbled. “I’ll be lucky if she’ll even talk to me again.”

“She’s going to have to talk to you, Kel. You’re having a kid together…” Hero froze. The words felt so heavy—so real. Kel and Aubrey were having a baby. They were going to be the parents of a real, actual child. It was hard to believe.

“That poor, kid…” Kel sighed, then stumbled hurriedly. “I mean, Aubrey’s great—she’ll be an awesome mom, but the baby’s gonna be stuck with me for a dad. I’m probably gonna mess him up or something.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” interrupted Hero. “You are both going to be great parents. This might not be the best situation, but that kid is going to be so lucky to have you and I know you’re going to be an amazing dad.”

“I dunno…”

“You are,” Hero insisted as he wrapped his arm around Kel’s shoulders. Kel rolled his eyes, but Hero’s mouth curved into a kind, gentle smile as he continued, “I can just see it, Kel. No one will be able to get your kid to laugh like you do—you’ll put party hats over your eyes or smash cake in your face just to see him smile. You’ll have splash fights for hours at the beach or push her so high on the swings that she’ll swear she can reach the moon. If your kid ever wants to try a sport like you, you’ll cheer louder and more enthusiastically than all the other parents at every single game. You’ll tell the best bedtime stories and come up with the most fun games to play. You’ll teach her how to throw a baseball and how to always win at cards. You’ll sit with him and listen when he’s sad, and you’d stop the world to make him happy again.”

Hero gave his brother a reassuring pat on the back before he sighed, “I know that this is a really tough situation and that it’s not always going to be easy. I don’t know how things are all going to work out, but there is no doubt in my mind that you are going to love that kid no matter what.” He gently pushed the sonogram back towards Kel. “I can tell you already do.”

“You…you really think so?” asked Kel, a blush filling his cheeks as he fidgeted with the sonogram in his hands.

“I know it,” said Hero, nodding several times for good measure.

Kel’s mouth twitched into a slight smile as he stared down at the sonogram. “You know, in the middle of all this freaking out I’ve been doing, I…I was thinking about all the cool things we could do together—me and the kid. I could teach him how to play basketball or baseball. We could eat watermelon in the summertime or build sandcastles. Maybe I could build a treehouse someday, and she could play in it with her friends.” Something panged in Hero’s chest, and from the look in Kel’s eyes, he knew he was thinking the same thing—remembering those bittersweet moments from their own childhoods back when all of their friends were still together. “Wouldn’t it be kind of great if someday we could take the kid to all our favorite places from when we were kids? Maybe we can bury him in the sand at the beach like we did with Sunny, or teach her how to make flower crowns like Mari taught us, or take silly Polaroids together like Basil, or have picnics”—his voice hitched before it grew soft, quiet—“I wish they were here...”

Hero pulled his brother closer to him and leaned his head on his shoulder as he took long, shaky breaths. There were some kinds of pain that never really left a person—the loss of a friend was one of them. Even after all these years, his heart ached thinking about Sunny, Basil, and Mari. “I know…” he said. “Me too.”

“Aubrey says they know. She told them first. She said she was so upset and confused when she took the test that she just got in her car and started driving—she didn’t know where she was going until she was at the church. She went to visit them, at the cemetery and told them everything, though she was sure they probably already knew.” He paused, a light chuckle reverberating in his chest. “She said she felt so much better afterwards—knew she wanted to raise the baby and bring him or her back there someday, even if she had to do it without me.” Kel swallowed hard. His breath hitched, and Hero could feel his shoulders begin to shake as his voice grew quiet. “I don’t want her to have to do that alone. I want to be there—to be a dad. To take care of the baby and take care of her…”

Hero’s expression softened as he comfortingly patted Kel’s shoulder. “That’s what’s great about you, Kel. You want to fix things. You want to take care of people and make them happy—to do the right thing.”

Kel sniffled wiping his nose on his shirt sleeve, but a lopsided, bittersweet smile twitched in the corners of his mouth. “I just wish I knew what ‘the right thing’ was…” He sighed with a somewhat helpless shrug of his shoulders. “What do you think I should do, Hero?”

“Well…” Hero sighed. “I really think you should be honest with Aubrey about how you’re feeling—the good and the bad stuff. She’s probably really scared too, so you should encourage her that you’re not going to go anywhere and promise that you’ll be there for her and for your kid so she won’t have to do this alone. Then, the two of you are going to have to sort out the rest together, but I think it’ll be easier to do that after you’ve had an honest conversation.” Kel nodded, and Hero shrugged his shoulders. “And eventually you’ll have to tell Mom and Dad because they will figure it out…But that’s good for a start, right?”

Kel blinked at him—words of gratitude that he couldn’t say glistening in his eyes as he nodded. “Yeah, that’s good.” His smile brightened as he immediately stood up from the sofa and rushed over to his car keys hanging by the front door.

“Hey…uh…what are…?”

“I’m going to go talk to her—right now,” he exclaimed with a certain determination.

“Well…I didn’t mean you had to go over right now,” stumbled Hero. “Maybe you should text her first and ask if it’s a good time…”

“That’s okay. I’ll call her on the way,” Kel chuckled before he paused. “Oh I almost forgot.” He fumbled around with the sonogram in his hands before proudly hanging it on the refrigerator with a magnet. Kel beamed at it before turning back to Hero and pulling him into a tight hug. “You’re gonna be the best uncle, you know?”

“I’ll try my best,” quipped Hero as he wrapped his arms around his brother.

“Thank you…” Kel’s voice was so quiet, Hero almost couldn’t hear him. “For everything.”

“You’re welcome,” he whispered before Kel pat him on the back and took off through the doorway.

Once Kel had gone, Hero stared at his phone for a long, long time debating whether or not he should text Aubrey and give her a heads up that Kel was on his way over, especially since this may or may not have been because he misinterpreted his advice. Eventually, he decided it was probably not his place to meddle, and he decided to fix himself some food instead. As he walked over to the refrigerator, he stared at the sonogram Kel had hung up, and he smiled.

One day that refrigerator would be covered in pictures. Another sonogram—several actually, of increasingly better quality. A photo of Hero stifling his laughter at an unamused and heavily pregnant Aubrey’s shirt that said, “Don’t Eat Watermelon Seeds” which Kel was so proud to have found himself. One of Kel, happier than he had ever been in his life, as he held his son for his first time. Of Aubrey practically beaming with the baby during a picnic they all took together in the park. Of Hero dressing his nephew up in a onesie that looked like a dinosaur or holding his tiny hands as he crooned to old records turned lullabies or taking him for a walk in the rain under an umbrella. Snapshots of the life of a little boy who Aubrey playfully teased was far too adorable for someone who looked so much like Kel, and who Kel would be the first to tell anyone was his whole world—the best thing that ever could’ve happened to him. The most loved little boy in all of Faraway Town who showed his Uncle Hero—who showed all of them that they could be happy again.

Hero’s phone dinged. It was a message from Aubrey. It read: “You know don’t you?”

He chuckled sheepishly to himself as he picked up his phone to respond and watched the bouncing ellipses of her typing a follow up text, but as he read it, he couldn’t help but smile.

“Thank you.”

*-*-*

Epilogue:

One Year Later…

“I want to hold him! I want to hold him!” exclaimed Sally excitedly, practically doting on her new nephew as he was rocked to sleep by an equally doting grandma. Kel smiled but shushed her gently.

“Gentle, Sally. He’s trying to sleep—we have to appreciate those opportunities when we’ve got ‘em,” he teased with a wink in Aubrey’s general direction. There was a certain affection to the way she rolled her eyes that made Hero stifle a chuckle. By this point, he was fairly convinced he was never not going to find her and Kel’s banter with each other cute, even or perhaps especially if it continued to annoy them. Despite his best efforts to hide it, however, he knew Aubrey saw the way his mouth had twitched into a smile, and she quirked an eyebrow at him before cutting another piece of the cake they had brought over to his parents’ house for Father’s Day.

“You want another piece of cake, Hero?” she asked, that gold band in the shape of an infinity symbol clanging against the ceramic plate as she held it out to him.

“No thanks,” he replied politely. “I’ve already had one, and I’m already stuffed from dinner. Looks like Dad is too.” He laughed as he glanced over at his father who was dozing off in his new recliner—the perfect gift, all thanks to Aubrey.

Aubrey chuckled but sighed. “He’s definitely got the right idea. I wish that was me.”

“Really? I feel great,” interjected Kel excitedly. “We got six hours of sleep in a row last night! I may have actually cried a little when I woke up this morning.”

“Dork,” teased Aubrey with a playful roll of her eyes, but her mouth twitched up in the corners.

“Your dork,” Kel corrected. “Forever.” He laughed, smugly wiggling the fingers of his left hand to her. He even pointed at his ring a couple of times for good measure, but when she just blinked at him unamused, he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek.

“Kel…” she huffed, then turned to glare at Hero who could no longer stifle his laughter. “You’re making Hero uncomfortable.”

“Are you kidding? This is adorable. I wish I had a camera,” Hero teased in his dry way. Aubrey sighed, but, seemingly, decided to change the subject.

“We have something for you,” she said, disentangling herself from Kel’s hug. “Don’t we, Kel…”

“Oh yeah, that’s right!” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded greeting card envelope. Aubrey pressed her palm to her forehead and shook her head.

“I thought you said you were going to take care of it.”

“I did,” Kel insisted. “It’s right here.”

Aubrey let out a long and heavy sigh as Kel unfolded the greeting card and handed it to Hero.

“Thank you,” he said as he took it with a kindhearted smile. “I’m sure it’s great. But I don’t understand why you’re giving me…”

“It’s Father’s Day,” Kel cut him off with an emphatic nod as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Hero’s brow furrowed. “Happy Father’s Day or uh—Uncle’s Day…or uh—Godfather’s Day…That works, right?” Kel looked to Aubrey for reassurance, but she was mid-facepalm muttering about how she really needed that nap. “Well, whatever it’s your first one as an Uncle-Godfather, so it’s special.”

“We also wanted to thank you,” added Aubrey with a gentle smile as she glanced over at her sleeping son who was currently being handed to a very excited Aunt Sally. “For everything.”

Hero smiled at Aubrey and Kel, before carefully opening the greeting card. It took him all of 5 seconds to realize Kel had probably picked it out given the bright colors and the joke about uncles being like superheroes. Inside were the punchline and the words “Happy Father’s Day,” as well as a gift card to his favorite coffee shop.

Smiling, he looked up to offer his gratitude and thanks, when he caught sight of a personalized message scrawled at the bottom of the card. His smile widened, and he could feel a tear prickling in the corner of his eye as he read the words: “Not All Heroes Wear Capes.”

#hero & kel: brotherly feels #kelbrey #omori kelbrey #omori baseball #omori baseball bat #i want out of kelbrey hell #why am i like this #send help #my omori fanfiction #omori spoilers #thank you for reading!

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howaboutcastiel · 2 years

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I posted 369 times in 2022

That's 365 more posts than 2021!

143 posts created (39%)

226 posts reblogged (61%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@romanarose

@toracainz

@my-secret-shame

@howaboutcastiel

@joyful-soul-collector

I tagged 151 of my posts in 2022

#moon knight - 126 posts

#steven grant - 110 posts

#marc spector - 104 posts

#jake lockley - 87 posts

#moon knight x you - 67 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

Make Your Acquaintance (Jake Lockley)

Summary: Reader is in an established relationship with Steven and Marc but has never met Jake before and is intimidated by his reputation. When an emergency requires Jake to take control for a while, you decide that it's time to introduce yourself.

Make Your Acquaintance Masterlist

I know the gif is Poe Dameron don’t come for me.

Word count: 5.5k

Content: brief violence and gore, reader is injured (not life-threatening) angst, fluff, whatever. Poor use of Spanish. Gender neutral reader.

Note: I don’t know what this fic is. I don’t know who it’s for. I just kinda wrote it. Drink up boys. Also thank for 100 followers! I am not worthy!

See the full post

1,161 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

All I Desire (Steven Grant x Reader)

Word Count: 6.3k (I'm a mess)

Summary: Reader has not been in a relationship in a while and is scared to have sex with Steven for the first time. After learning of your fear of intimacy, Steven decides to plan an all-out date night to show you that you have nothing to worry about.

Pairings/Warnings: mentions of past relationship trauma, kinda angst I guess, fluff, smut (duh), plot with porn, Soft Dom! Steven x (afab) Reader, p in v, oral (f receiving), no Marc or Jake but both mentioned. Language is gender-neutral apart from anatomy.

Note: Not proofread. How do y'all just shamelessly write smut all the time I feel like I just killed god

See the full post

1,393 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

Two Steps Forward (Moon Boys)

[18+ content minors leave please]

Summary: A fun night with Jake ends up backfiring as Marc is triggered to front mid-coitus.

Content: Smut-ish, Angst, Fluff (the holy trinity). Handcuffs, impact play, getting triggered during sex, yelling and sad times. Reader is in an established relationship with moon boys.

Word count: 1.9k (aka the closest to a drabble you’ll ever see from me)

A/N: honestly this shouldn’t exist but now it does. Read it and weep. Also google cleared all of the formatting so UGH may be some mistakes.

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1,721 notes - Posted July 28, 2022

How Do I Ask? (Marc Spector x F!Reader)

[18+] VERY NSFW PLEASE GO AWAY CHILDREN [18+]

Summary: Marc is usually the one to initiate sex. At this point, the reader doesn’t even know how to seduce him (it usually doesn’t require any effort). When the reader wants a change of pace from him, though, she must deal with the conundrum of being the one to make the first move.

Word Count: 5.4k

Based on an anon request! Lots of love to that mystery person <3 I took some… liberties with the plot. Reader is my body type so sorry skinny gals and NB/FTM babes.

Content: Smut, Like a lot of smut, porn-IS-the-plot kinda smut. Protected sex (we’re not getting pregnant in THIS economy). Oral (M), roughness, a little bit of angst but it's horny angst. Oops there's 2k words of foreplay you can skip that if you want.

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2,041 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Not My Intention (Moon Boys x F!Reader)

Content Warning: mentions of physical/mental abuse

Word Count: 3.1k

Request (Abbreviated) @twhgirl

Could you write one moon boys x female!reader, where they've been dating for a while… They notice she gets anxious and startled very easily, but when they bring it up she always brushes them off so they don't pry. They don’t know she's previously been in an abusive relationship. And maybe they're at an office party and some guy comes to her when she's alone and the boys get jealous since it's obvious he's trying to flirt with their girl.

Content: Angst!! Fluff, poorly translated Spanish (obligatory) this shit is pathetic and soFT (not a comment on the recommendation just my writing) reader is dating the entire MK system

This is the first time I’ve tried to write in omniscient 2nd person so forgive me if I mess up the perspective somewhere <3 Thank you for the request!!! Much appreciated

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2,803 notes - Posted June 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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sweatershark · 10 days

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I want the world in my hands

Run by @silver-heller (23, he/him). An indie roleplay blog for Vox from Hazbin hotel! Review the information below, and I look forward to hearing from you! Anyone 20+ can send Vox asks, RP blog or not.

When was the moment where it all went wrong? Was it when they started the Vees? It seemed like a good idea at the time, though, in retrospect, relying on others always posed a risk. Overlord or not, Vox supposes he should just be glad he's still alive.

⚠️In my AU, V/alentino used to be sexually and physically abusive to Vox. This will be explored.⚠️

Rules + Verses below the cut

Rules

🦈 Pro/shippers, those under 20, and bigots DNI. This includes plural unfriendly individuals. This also includes individuals who say transphobic shit like "my character likes men, so they wouldn't date a transman". Ew, go away.

🦈 Obligatory "I go by my own headcanons and, if you don't like them, block me".

🦈 I am neurodivergent and I headcanon Vox is too! Sometimes the way I word things may be a little confusing. If you need clarification, please just ask without being overly nitpicky. "This is what this actually means," I am the one who wrote it, and no, the character did not mean that.

🦈 You control your muse and I control mine.

🦈 I am pretty much open to all ships, with communication, and if I enjoy their chemistry together. However, V/alentino makes me extremely uncomfortable and I headcanon he used to abuse Vox, so. I won't roleplay out cheating, my roleplays and ships with others happen separately. I will not roleplay out abuse in our ships.

🦈 I don't mind dark topics but, before you roleplay with me, make sure I know what to expect and what I am getting myself into. You can do this either through warnings on your page or messaging and plotting with me. I am completely uncomfortable with themes of animal abuse, incest, and eye violence. Noncon in a character's past is fine, but I will not RP it out in present time. Torture is rocky for me. In general I'd rather our muses get along or at least not violently dislike each other. Do not kill my muse.

🦈 I am fine with NSFW, though I do have my limits. Penetration grosses me out. Kinks like feet stuff or anything like inflation are not my thing. I dislike anything to do with pain, blood, or body fluids like excessive spit or any amount of bodily waste. I dislike aggressive dom/sub dynamics. I won't do NSFW rp with you if your age isn't on your page. I write Vox as a respectful perv, so expect dirty humor and comments from him in general.

🦈 In general, be respectful to me and know that, if you make me uncomfortable, I have the right to block you. I am not the character, always keep this in mind.

Please send in the password "it's too cold" if you've read and understand the rules. Either in an ask or a comment on this post. Thank you!

Verses

Main Verse

Stripped of his overlord status after fleeing from V/alentino during a violent argument, Vox finds himself adjusting to life as an average sinner. He lives in an apartment alone, left to wonder where it all went wrong as he uses his business savvy and charisma to keep himself afloat. He runs a repair shop for electronics, has dabbled in being a door to door salesman, and will star in ads, for a price.

Shark Verse

Same as main verse, but Vox has more shark-like features, like gills and a tail.

Heaven Verse

Vox managed to be redeemed and is nervously adjusting to his life in Heaven. He has pretty blue wings and a pretty blue halo. His colors are a gradient between a deeper blue and gray.

Kitty Verse

Vox has turned into a cat, and he's a skittish cat at that!

#hazbin hotel vox #vox rp #vox roleplay #hazbin hotel rp #hazbin hotel roleplay

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hinayuuwin · 5 months

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many hinayuu ideas incoming, be warned:

1st idea: hinata and yuta are old enough to drink and are renting an apartment so they're no longer living in the dorms full-time. one night hinata gets drunk while yuta's gone. he sees his own reflection in the bathroom mirror, and like most drunk people, lacks any impulse control. so he ends up kissing the mirror while pretending it's yuta. cut to the next morning, yuta sees the huge kiss mark on their bathroom mirror and is like???? "hinata-kun what is this all about". and hinata turns bright red and pretends he doesn't remember when he Does.

okay idea #2: hinata breaks his arm or leg during a live/practice for a live. for whatever reason, yuta blames himself, because of his course he does. he ends up taking care of hinata and coddling him until he's healed. especially because he knows the second he takes his eyes off hinata, hinata will end up ignoring the doctor's orders to heal and instead try to get a part-time job or something stupid. so yuta stays with hinata in his dorm room and makes him food and in general is actually really caring?? even if he's still being tsundere about it the whole time. and hinata isnt used to this sort of flip, with yuta looking after hinata instead of the usual vice versa. cue hinata not knowing how to be spoiled and getting flustered anytime yuta's sweet to him.

and now for my 3rd idea: yuta's already gone to natsume to get his fortune told before, so it's not wrong to assume he'd go to him again if something was troubling. so one day he approaches natsume with the request of getting his fortune told. and natsume of course agrees and asks what yuta wants to know about. imagine yuta blushing and looking at the ground and very quietly saying "....i wanna know about my love life". and natsume's just like 👀 but he doesn't question it, and when he reads yuta's fortune, it shows that yuta's love life is very tumultuous, but also that it'll go well eventually so long as yuta puts in the effort and takes the steps to ensure it does. natsume tells yuta as much and yuta thanks him before running off. natsume meanwhile is like "......how interestiNG." because now he KNOWS.

only semirelated to the above point, but i feel like sora's the first person to realize hinata and yuta's feelings for each other, way before either of them confess or get together. like he just looks and their colors when they're around each other and is like "🤔 why are their colors like that.....OH". and then he becomes their number one supporter/shipper 💪

uhhhh 4th idea: valentine's day confession. hinata bakes yuta a special batch of spicy valentine's chocolate and yuta is a little surprised because he wasn't expecting it. but he thanks hinata and gives him the chocolate that he baked for him too, and hinata really quietly is like, "....our chocolates are different, yuta-kun." and yuta's like yeah no shit, mine are sweet and yours are spicy. but hinata's all embarrassed and covers his face and says, "...mine are honmei choco......" which are chocolates you give to express your true feelings for someone, not just obligatory chocolates you give your friends and family. and yuta's so caught off-guard and flustered and thinks that hinata must be pranking him or something. but then....hinata kisses him on the cheek. and yuta realizes he's Not Joking. so yuta throws away all impulse control and kisses him back, this time on the lips. and hinata d i e s from happiness 💕💕

okay that's all my ideas for now!!! i am so hinayuu brain rotted rn though so expect more and also please send help, they have taken over my life 🙏

#ensemble stars #enstars #hinata aoi #yuta aoi #yuuta aoi #hinayuu #yuuhina #aoicest #2wink #these are all copy and pasted from twitter so apologies for any errors/weird formatting

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bailey-writes · 4 years

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So You Want Your OC to be Jewish

So you’re writing a story and you want to make a Jewish character—great! I’m here to help. I always want more Jewish representation but I want good Jewish representation, so this is my attempt to make a guide to making a Jewish character. What are my credentials? I’m Jewish and have been my whole life. Obligatory disclaimer that this is by no means comprehensive, I don’t know everything, all Jews are different, and this is based on my experiences as an American Jew so I have no idea, what, if any, of this applies to non-American Jews.

If there’s anything you want me to make a post going more into detail about or if there’s anything I didn’t mention but you want to know please ask me! I hope this is helpful :) Warning, this is long.

Jew PSA

If you are Jewish you can use the word Jew(s), e.g. “She’s dating a Jew.” If you are not Jewish you cannot use the word Jew(s). This is not up for debate. Non-Jews calling us Jews has a negative connotation at best. Don’t do it and don’t have your characters do it.

Basics, Plus My Random Thoughts that Didn’t Fit Anywhere Else

A confusing enduring issue is, what is Judaism? It’s a religion, but some Jews aren’t religious; is it a race? A nationality? A culture? A heritage? The only constant is that we are seen as “other.” There’s a lot of debate, which makes it confusing to be Jewish and as such it’s common for Jews to struggle with their Jewish Identity. However many people agree that Jews are an ethnoreligious group, aka Judaism is a religion and an ethnicity.

Temple/Synagogue/Shul = Jewish place of worship. Shul is usually used for Orthodox synagogues.

Keeping kosher = following Jewish dietary rules: meat and dairy can’t be eaten together and you can’t eat pork or shellfish. Fish and eggs are pareve (aka neutral) and can be eaten with meat or dairy (but again not both at the same time.) When eating meat it has to be kosher meat (e.g. kosher Jews are allowed to eat chicken, but not all chicken is kosher. I know it’s kinda confusing I’m sorry.) Kosher products in stores will have symbols on them to identify them as kosher. If someone is kosher they’ll probably have separate sets of utensils/plates/cookware/etc. for meat and dairy

Shabbat/Shabbos/Sabbath = holy day of the week, day of rest, lasts from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. Depending on observance Jews might have Shabbat dinner, attend Shabbat services, or observe the day of rest in its entirety (making them shomer Shabbat)

Someone who is shomer Shabbat will refrain from any of the prohibited activities. These can easily be looked up but include: working, writing, handling money, cooking, and using technology.

Bat/Bar/B’nai Mitvzah = tradition where a Jewish boy/girl becomes a man/woman. Celebrated at 13-years-old for boys, 12- or 13-years-old for girls. Girls have Bat Mitzvahs (bat means daughter in Hebrew), boys have Bar Mitzvahs (bar means son in Hebrew) and twins or two or more people having one together have a B’nai Mitzvah. They will study for this for months and then help lead services and, depending on observance level, read from the Torah. The ceremony is often attended by family and friends and followed with a celebration of sorts (in America usually this means a brunch and/or party.)

Goy/gentile = non-Jew. These words are not slurs, they are literally just words. Plural of goy is goyim and is a Yiddish word, plural of gentile is gentiles.

Jewish holidays follow the Hebrew calendar, meaning that according to the current solar/Gregorian calendar the dates of our holidays are different each year.

Jewish law recognizes matrilineal inheritance. This means that Jewish law states your mother has to be Jewish for you to be Jewish. This is because of reasons from biblical times that I can explain if you wanna come ask, but as you can imagine is a bit outdated. While Orthodox Jews might embrace this idea and only consider someone Jewish if their mom is Jewish, many Jews are more flexible on the idea (and yes, this does cause tension between Orthodox Jews and other Jews at times.)

Judaism =/= Christianity

Some people think Judaism is just Christianity without Jesus (some people don’t even realize we don’t believe in/celebrate Jesus so newsflash, we don’t) and that’s just wrong. Yes both religions share the Old Testament, so they also share some history and beliefs, but the entire ideologies of the religions are different. In brief, they are similar in some ways but are not the same.

What seems to me to be the biggest difference is that Christianity (from what I understand) has a heavy focus on sins, more specifically repenting for/gaining forgiveness for your sins. In Christianity you are born tainted by original sin. In Judaism we believe everyone is born pure and free from sin and everyone is made in God’s image. Judaism has some concept of sin, but doesn’t focus on them and instead focuses on performing Mitzvot (plural, singular form is mitzvah. Direct translation is “commandment” but basically means good deed or act of kindness. It also relates to the commandments, so following the commandments is also performing mitzvot.) Examples of mitzvot include anything from saying a prayer or lighting Shabbat candles to helping a stranger or donating to charity (called tzedakah). One of the main tenets of Judaism is tikkun olam, which directly translates to “repair the world” and means exactly what it says on the tin. Instead of focusing on being forgiven for doing bad Judaism focuses on doing good. The only day we focus on past wrongdoings is Yom Kippur, one of our most holy holidays, discussed below.

Holidays

Rosh Hashanah – The Jewish New Year, occurs around September and lasts for two days, though Reform Jews often only celebrate the first day. Day of happiness and joy, celebrated by eating sweet things for a “sweet new year” (often apples dipped in honey) and circular challah to represent the end of one year and beginning of another. Also celebrated with services and blowing the shofar (rams horn.) Some spend the day in prayer and/or silent meditation. Possible greetings: chag sameach (happy holiday; can be said on almost any holiday), Shana Tovah, or happy new year (which is what Shana Tovah means, some people just say it in English.)

Yom Kippur – Day of Atonement. Occurs ten days after the start of Rosh Hashanah. One of if not the most solemn day for Jews, but also the most holy. The day is spent reflecting on yourself and any past wrongdoings and atoning. The day (sundown the night before to sundown the day of) is spent fasting, a physical way of atoning. We do this in hopes of being “written in the Book of Life” and starting the year with a clean slate. The shofar is blown at the end of the holiday. Most Jews will end the fast with a grand meal with family and friends. Most common greeting is “have an easy fast,” but happy new year is still appropriate.

Sukkot – Celebrates the harvest, occurs on the fifth day after Yom Kippur and lasts seven days. Celebrated by building a temporary hut outdoors called a sukkah and having meals inside it, as well as shaking palm fronds tied together (called a lulav) and holding a citrus called an etrog. Very fun and festive holiday. Possible greetings include chag sameach or Happy Sukkot.

Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah – Some Jews (mostly Reform Jews and Jews living in Israel) combine both holidays into one day while some celebrate them as two separate days. Either way they occur immediately after Sukkot. Shemini Atzeret is similar but separate from Sukkot and features a prayer for rain; Sukkot is not mentioned in prayers and the lulav isn’t shaken but you do eat in the sukkah. Simchat Torah celebrates finishing reading the Torah, which we will then begin again the next day. It’s a festive holiday with dancing and fun. Some Temples will roll the entire Torah out and the children will run under it. Appropriate greeting for both would be chag sameach.

Rosh Hashanah through Simchat Torah are referred to as the High Holidays.

Chanukah – We all know about Chanukah, celebrating the reclaiming of the Second Temple and the miracle of the oil lasting eight days. The most represented Jewish Holiday there is. Unfortunately it’s one of the least significant holidays for us. Occurs around November or December and lasts eight days and nights. Celebrated by lighting candles in the Menorah each night with a prayer and kids usually get gifts each night. Also celebrated with spinning tops called dreidels, fried foods like doughnuts (sufganiyot in Hebrew; usually the jelly filled ones) and potato pancakes called latkes. Greetings: happy Chanukah or chag sameach.

Tu B’Shevat – Birthday of the trees, basically Jewish Arbor Day. Minor but fun holiday, sometimes celebrated by planting trees. Occurs around January or February.

Purim – Celebrates how Queen Esther of Persia defeated Haman and saved her people, the Jews. Occurs in Spring. Festive holiday traditionally celebrated by dressing in costumes, eating sweets, and giving tzedakah (it’s also technically commanded you get drunk so woohoo!) Whenever Haman’s name is mentioned you make a lot of noise, booing and using noisemakers called groggers. Greetings: happy Purim, chag Purim, or chag sameach.

Passover/Pesach – Celebrates the Jews being freed from slavery in Egypt. Occurs in Spring and lasts eight days. The first two nights (some only celebrate the first night) are celebrated with seder, a ritual meal with certain foods, practices, prayers, and readings from a book called the Haggadah and often attended by family and friends. Most famous prayer/song of the holiday is the four questions, which ask why that night is different from all other nights and is traditionally sung by the youngest child at the seder. The entire holiday is spent not eating certain foods, mostly grain or flour (the food restrictions are complicated and differ based on denomination so look it up or ask a Jew.) We eat a lot of matzah during Pesach, which is like a cracker kinda. I personally hate it but some people actually like it. Greetings: happy Passover, chag pesach, or chag sameach.

Tisha B’Av – Anniversary of the destruction of the Temple. Occurs in Summer. Very sad, solemn day. Some celebrate by fasting from sunrise to sunset. Not the most widely celebrated holiday. Some also commemorate the Holocaust (also called the Shoah) on this day as it was the destruction of a figurative temple.

Denominations

There are a bunch of denominations in Judaism, we’ll go into it briefly.

Religious denominations:

Reform/Reformed: This is the least religiously observant level. Often Reform Jews don’t keep kosher or observe Shabbat, their services on Shabbat will use instruments. Reform Jews probably attend services for the high holidays at the very least and probably had a Bat/Bar Mitzvah. Might say they consider themselves more culturally Jewish. Their Temple/Synagogue will be the most “liberal”—aka have more female/diverse Rabbis and a more diverse congregation. I’m Reform and my Temple’s lead Rabbi is a woman and we used to have a Rabbi who’s a queer single mother.

Conservative: More religiously observant and more generally traditional. Might keep kosher or observe Shabbat, but not necessarily. Services likely won’t use instruments (not supposed to play instruments on Shabbat). Most likely had a Bat/Bar Mitzvah, but girls might not read from the Torah, though this depends on the congregation. They do allow female Rabbis, but in my experience it’s less common.

Modern Orthodox: Very religiously observant but also embrace modern society. Will keep kosher and observe Shabbat. Men will wear kippot (singular=kippah) and tzitzit under their shirts. Women will cover their hair (if they’re married), most likely with a wig, and wear modest clothing (only wear skirts that are at least past their knees and long sleeves). Emphasis on continued study of Torah/Talmud. Parents will likely have jobs. Might have larger families (aka more children) but might not. Services will be segregated by gender, girls won’t read from the Torah publicly, and female Rabbis are very rare. Children will most likely attend a religious school. Will attend shul services every Shabbat and for holidays.

note: there are some people who fall somewhere between modern Orthodox and ultra-Orthodox, or between any two denominations really. as you can imagine people don’t all practice the exact same way.

Ultra-Orthodox: Very religiously observant and not necessarily modern. Will keep kosher and observe Shabbat. Men will wear kippot or other head coverings and tzitzit under their shirts, and are also often seen wearing suits. Women will cover their hair (if they’re married) with a wig or scarf and wear modest clothing (only wear skirts that are at least past their knees and long sleeves). Emphasis on continued study of Torah/Talmud. Men might have jobs but might instead focus on Jewish studies, while women most often focus on housework and child-rearing. Don’t believe in contraception (but this is kinda nuanced and depends). Will often have very large families because having children is a commandment and helps continue the Jewish people. Might be shomer negiah which means not touching members of the opposite sex aside from their spouse and some close family members. Services will be segregated by gender, girls won’t read from the Torah publicly, and there won’t be female Rabbis. Children will attend a religious school. Will attend shul services every Shabbat and for holidays.

Ethnic denominations (the different denominations do have some differences in practices and such but tbh I don’t know much about that so this is just the basics):

Ashkenazi: Jews that originate from Central/Eastern Europe. Yiddish, a combination of Hebrew and German, originated from and was spoken by Ashkenazim and while it’s a dying language it’s spoken among many Orthodox Jews and many Jews of all levels know/speak some Yiddish words and phrases. Majority of Jews worldwide are Ashkenazi.

Sephardi/Sephardic: Jews that originate from the Iberian Peninsula, North Africa, and southeastern Europe. Ladino, a combination of Old Spanish and Hebrew, originated from and was spoken by Sephardim. It is also a dying language but is still spoken by some Sephardim. After Ashkenazi most of the world’s Jews are Sephardic.

Mizrahi: Jews that originate from the Middle East and North Africa.

Ethiopian Jews: Community of Jews that lived in Ethiopia for over 1,000 years, though most have immigrated to Israel by now.

Stereotypes/Tropes/Controversies/Etc.

There are so many Jewish stereotypes and shit and I ask you to please be mindful of them. Stereotypes do exist for a reason, so some people will fit stereotypes. This means your character might fit one or two; don’t make them fit all of them. Please. Stereotypes to keep in mind (and steer away from) include:

All Jews are rich.

All Jews are greedy.

All Jews are cheap/frugal.

All Jews are [insert job here]. We’ll go into this more below.

All Jews hate Christians/Muslims/etc.

All Jews are white.

First of all Ethiopian and Mizrahi Jews exist, many Sephardi are Hispanic, and today with intermarriage and everything this just isn’t true.

All Jews have the same physical features: large and/or hooked nose, beady eyes, droopy eyelids, red hair (this is an old stereotype I didn’t really know existed), curly hair.

Many Jews do have somewhat large noses and curly hair. I’m not saying you can’t give these features to your characters, but I am saying to be careful and don’t go overboard. And don’t give all of your Jewish characters these features. As a side note, it is common at least among American Jews that girls get nose jobs. Not all, but some.

Jews are secretly world elite/control the world/are lizard people/new world order/ any of this stuff.

STAY AWAY FROM. DO NOT DO THIS OR ANYTHING LIKE THIS. If you have a character that’s part lizard, do not make them Jewish. If you have a character that’s part of a secret group that controls the entire world, do not make them Jewish.

Jews have horns. If you have characters with horns please don’t make them Jewish.

Jews killed Jesus.

The blood libel. Ew. No.

The blood libel is an antisemitic accusation/idea/concept that back in the day Jews would murder Christian children to use their blood in religious rituals and sometimes even for consumption (did I mention gross?) Not only did this just not happen, but it’s actually against Jewish law to murder, sacrifice, or consume blood. Yes these accusations really happened and it became a main reason for persecution of Jews. And some people still believe this shit.

Jews caused The Plague.

The reason this conspiracy exists is because many Jews didn’t get The Plague and the goyim thought that meant it was because the Jews caused it/cursed them. The real reason Jews didn’t get it is because ritual hand-washing and good hygiene kept them from getting it. Sorry that we bathe.

Jewish mother stereotype.

Ok, listen. I know stereotypes are mostly a bad thing but I have to admit the Jewish mother stereotype is not far off. Jewish moms do tend to be chatty and a little nagging, are often very involved in their children’s lives, and they are often trying to feed everyone (although they don’t all cook, my mom hates cooking.) They also tend to be big worriers, mostly worrying about their family/loved ones. They also tend to know everyone somehow. A twenty minute trip to the grocery store can turn into an hour or two long trip because she’ll chat with all the people she runs into.

Jewish-American Princess (JAP) ((I know calling Japanese people Japs is offensive. Jews will call girls JAPs, but with a completely different meaning. If that’s still offensive I am sorry, but just know it happens.))

This is the stereotype that portrays Jewish girls/women as spoiled brats basically. They will be pampered and materialistic. Do these girls exist? Definitely. I still recommend steering away from this stereotype.

Names

Listen. Listen. There are some names that Jews just won’t have. I won’t speak in definites because there are always exceptions but you’ll rarely find a Jew named Trinity or Grace or Faith or any form of Chris/Christopher/Christina etc. Biblical names from the Old Testament? Absolutely Jews will have those names they’re actually very common.

I’m in a Jewish Sorority. My pledge class of ~70 girls had five Rebeccas and four Sarahs. Surprisingly only one Rachel though.

When it comes to last names I have two thoughts that might seem contradictory but hear me out: a) give your Jewish OC’s Jewish surnames, b) don’t give your Jewish OC’s the most Jewish surname to ever exist.

By this I mean I would much rather see a character named Sarah Cohen or Aaron Levine than Rachel Smith. Just that little bit of recognition makes a happy exclamation point appear over my head, plus it can be a good way to hint to readers that your OC is Jewish.

On the other hand, please don’t use the most stereotypical Jewish names you’ve ever heard. If you have five Jewish OCs and one of them is Isaac Goldstein then fine. If Isaac Goldstein is your only Jewish OC I might get a little peeved. There are tons of common Jewish surnames that are recognizable and easy to look up, so don’t revert to the first three that come to mind. Maybe it’s just me, but I find it yucky, for lack of a better word.

Jobs

We all know there are certain jobs that are stereotypical for Jews to have. We’re talking lawyer, dentist, doctor, banker type stuff. To an extent these stereotypes exist for a reason, many Jews go into those careers. Do not make these the only careers your Jewish OCs have. Stereotypes might have reasoning behind them but it doesn’t mean they aren’t harmful. If you have multiple Jewish OCs some of them can have these careers, but not all of them. I do know a lot of Jewish lawyers, dentists, and doctors. I also know accountants, people involved in businesses (“mom, what does Brad do?” “he’s a businessman” sometimes there just aren’t more specific words), people involved in real estate. I don’t actually know any bankers personally, and with money and stuff being one of the most common and harmful Jewish stereotypes I would suggest steering away from that.

These are common fields for Jews, but Jews can have literally any job. Please feel free to get creative. And if you have more than one Jewish OC you can think about making one of them a Rabbi, but DON’T do this if they’re the only Jewish OC. Please.

Yiddish

So I mentioned Yiddish earlier. Like I already said, it’s not a very widely used language anymore but there are some words and phrases that are still used by a lot of Jews (in America at least.) Here’s a list that is absolutely not comprehensive:

Oy vey = oh no

Shvitzing = sweating (but not just a little bit. Shvitzing is like SWEATING)

Kvetch/kvetching = whine/whining or complain/complaining

Mazel tov = congratulations; this is the same in Yiddish and Hebrew

Chutzpah = nerve or gall (e.g. “He’s got a lot of chutzpah for breaking up over text like that”)

Kismet = fate; I just learned this is Yiddish

Bubbe and Zayde = grandma and grandpa

Schelp/schlepping = drag/dragging, can also mean carry or move (e.g. “I had to schlep the bag all around town” doesn’t mean they literally dragged it)

Schmutz = dirt or something dirty (e.g. “you have schmutz on your face”)

Schmatta = literally means rag but can be used to refer to ratty blankets or clothes

Plotz = collapse (usually used in the sense of “I’m so tired I might plotz” or “she’s gonna be so excited she’s gonna plotz”)

Schmuck/shmendrick = both mean more or less the same, a jerk or obnoxious person

Shtick = gimmick, routine, or act (can be used like (“I don’t like that comedian’s shtick” or “he always makes himself the center of attention it’s his shtick”)

Spiel = long speech, story, or rant

There’s so many more so look them up and think about using them, but don’t overdo it. A Jewish person isn’t gonna use a Yiddish word in every sentence (or even every day or every few days.)

Israel

In my community at least it’s very common that by the time your college-aged that you’ll have been to Israel at least once.

Israel is a controversial topic within the Jewish community and in the world. It’s sensitive and complex. I really, really suggest not getting into it. Just don’t bring it up because no matter what you say someone will be unhappy. Just don’t do it.

Ashkenazi Disorders

Ashkenazi Jews have some sucky genes (I’m Ashkenazi so I can say this, you cannot.) These sucky genes cause certain disorders to be more prevalent for us. Children only get the disorder if both parents are carriers of the disorder, so Jews usually get genetic testing done before having children. If both parents are carriers the risk of the child getting the disorder is high, so parents might reconsider or have some indecisiveness/fear. Some of these are:

Tay-Sachs

Cystic Fibrosis

Canavan Disease

Familial Dysautonomia

Gaucher Disease

Spinal Muscular Atrophy

Fanconi Anemia

Mucolipidosis IV

Niemann-Pick Disease

Torsion Dystonia

Bloom Syndrome

Ashkenazi Jews also have a high prevalence of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes, which increase the risk of breast and ovarian cancer in women and increase the risk of breast and prostate cancer in men.

Crohn’s Disease, Ulcerative Colitis, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and Lactose Intolerance are also very prevalent

In a dorm of like 40 Jews, six of them had Crohn’s.

Ways to Show Your OC is Jewish

Wears Jewish jewelry, e.g. Star of David (also called Jewish Star and Magen David), Chai symbol (means life), jewelry with Sh’ma prayer, or hamsa (but beware this symbol is used outside of Judaism).

Mentions their temple, their Rabbi, having a Bat/Bar Mitzvah, going to Hebrew School, Shabbat, or a holiday coming up.

Have someone ask them a question about Judaism.

Have someone notice they have a mezuzah on their door.

Most Jews will have a mezuzah on the doorframe of the front door of their house/apartment, but they could even have one for their dorm room or whatever. It’s traditional to kiss your hand then touch the mezuzah when walking through the door, but most Jews don’t do this every time, at least not most Reform or Conservative Jews.

Have them call out antisemitism if you’re feeling spicy

The end! I hope this helped and if you have any questions my ask box is always open!

#writing advice #writing tips #writing help #jewish characters #judaism #writing resources #writeblr community #wtwcommunity #i said i would make this post literally months ago but i finally did it!

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