#and being attracted to war criminals and i need to go and flesh it out. no you're not going to be able to stop me

[theinfinitedivides]

so uh. DCIB is doing a Pathaan Prime watchalong this Sunday. you can guess what i'll be doing this Sunday

[echoeternally]

Hi there! I have a bit of a strange request for you, if that's okay. I'm currently in the process of planning/writing a longer Star Fox fic that prominently features Panther, and by extension, the FoxPanth ship, and I was wondering if you could give any pointers on writing Panther and/or him and Fox together?

This isn't strange at all! I'm even delighted, like, someone asking me about a pairing that I originally thought almost no one else would enjoy, and so they can write it too? It's like a dream, my gosh!

Give me one more second, like, I'm so amazed that this happened with my rare pair for Fox/Panther. FOXPAN! Of all pairs, I'm thrilled!

Ok, ok! Let's see what advice I can scrounge up for you.

A lot of people are under the impression that Panther is a pretty clear cut character in one regard or the other, but he actually offers a lot of flexibility to write about. That's probably why I gravitate to using him so often for Star Fox content.

Writing him playing off of Fox has a surprisingly enjoyable kind of chemistry, but it depends on what you go for with them. Coming to me means that you're in for the shipping, so, that I can help with!

Kind of prefacing that a bit because I know this is going under a cut, which I'm adding in here. More below, of course! Also, it's going to be a lot longer than you're expecting, so...I'm hoping that helps!

...

~Panther's Background~

Ok, I'll start with Panther as a character, since understanding how you want to portray him is the first part to nail down right.

People kind of mistake Panther to be a flat villain and a basically a pervy flirt, nothing more needed to build his character. It's easy to write him off as such, given how little canon support the games give.

There are some very, very crucial elements that he's given with his appearances, however, and they tend to be overlooked.

First and foremost, a lot of folks like to lump Panther in as "just another Star Wolf crony," which is fair if you don't focus on him.

However! What's critical that too many people ignore is that, in Panther's debut appearance, that's a brand new Star Wolf too. With the story for Star Fox: Assault being what it was, Panther is part of the Star Wolf team that no longer operates as mere mercenaries for the main villain and the obvious rival team, but he's part of a team that becomes allies to Fox and friends by the endgame.

Anyone can take that any way they want, but Panther is basically part of the lightest and kindest, perhaps even the most fleshed out version of Star Wolf. So, people that gleefully like pairing Fox off with Wolf because he has those "hey pup" lines? They should very well like the roster from Assault, because that's the installment that gave the most credibility to Wolf even being capable of defecting.

There's a lot of ways that it could be explained, but notably, Panther is the new big member on the main roster. Sure, they could fill a seat with anyone, but look at who they chose: this lighthearted goofball that enjoys playing with his rivals as much as he does causing trouble. A far cry from the likes of Leon, Pigma, and Andrew, who were on the more ruthless side of Star Wolf.

Many like Panther to be along that side too, and depending on how you want to characterize him, that could work out.

My personal preference, however, is that Panther is part of the catalysts that helps Wolf defect from being fully evil.

He's less interested in hurting civilians and being some kind of hotshot assassin. There's no hard support that Panther's criminal record involves heavy war crimes and murder, and canon biographies about him state him to be an elusive criminal that troubled Cornerian army officials.

Rather, Panther is entertained by causing mischief and enjoys playing around. He's cunning, but in ways to further his goals and those of his allies, not to play as a pawn in another's schemes.

I like to create the background that Wolf and Leon got low and desperate when searching for new recruits, and after meeting up with Panther, they adopt similar traits from him, easing up on their rougher traits in favor of getting their work done.

Basically, I favor the idea that Panther helped make Wolf better. (Which is totally a fun basis for Wolf/Panther, something that I've wanted to write for a few years too, lol.)

~Characterizing Panther~

It really depends on what you're doing with writing him, because you can make him a criminal even still and have that work nicely. However, I tend to give him ways out of being locked into a shadier background, focusing on his lighter traits, and making him more of a "gentleman thief" type of character foremost.

(For reference, I made him that kind of a thief in my fanfic, "Your Thieving Heart," because I really enjoy the idea that Panther's a cat burglar, as opposed to...well, whatever other people prefer.)

If you're focusing on an action or adventure story, I'd recommend using his craftier traits to help him stand out. Panther likes to play head games, because he'll tease and taunt his opponents, baffling them silly until they're clueless to his true motives.

He's also a skillful shot; in Star Fox: Command, Panther is the only playable character that does not use a Lock system for his Wolfen, which means that he makes a single shot that pierces most opponents. And in Assault, he makes a good support to both Star Wolf, and later on, Star Fox, so he can coordinate well in dogfights and combat too.

A story that's geared less to fighting, such as a drama or a comedy, would focus more on Panther's playful traits. Obviously his flirting, which I'll get to in a moment, but also, tweak the way that his playful and cunning manifests.

His teasing can be used to hide other facets of his character (maybe he's actually hurting and lonely deep down) or otherwise his goals (maybe he wants to get flowers for a partner and jokes about missing a meeting to do so).

His smarts can be used to show a more analytic or thoughtful side to him; while Panther isn't the type that would be the smartest in the room, he's absolutely underestimated by everyone, and can get away with a lot of surprises as a result.

Character flaws are pretty simple. Panther can be arrogant, so he can go a little too far touting his prowess and skill, as well as take his joking a little overboard without realizing when to back down. Since he is a criminal, he definitely has a less than luster past, which can hold him back, depending on how you want to write his criminal history. Also, I tend to think of him as a type that comes across charismatic and social, but in reality wants something quieter.

That last bit has support from a profile description in Command, which states that while Panther proclaims himself to be a "ladies' cat," he actually is known to fall "totally and completely in love" with his partner.

So, where people tend to limit him to being confident and flirty, that's the short and simple version to Panther. The deeper way to flesh his character out is to make him a hopeless romantic type, who craves and wants to find someone special to help fulfill his life.

Because a large portion of Panther's character gets limited to flirting with Krystal in his two major appearances, he's not given time to really show off the depths of his feelings. (I think Command tried, but that story got botched in a few too many places.)

He's not a misogynistic type, if I remember correctly, because he doesn't make any crude comments to berate or belittle Krystal's character, but rather, makes strong efforts to prime up his character instead, doing his best to come across as enticing and viable to her as possible.

Panther is super desperate and longing for love, and he's not above trying whatever methods he can to get there.

~Shipping With...Fox!~

So, how does Fox come into play on that? It's pretty easy, since Fox is also a flexible character as virtue of being the main player controlled character for the franchise. In other words, you can project a lot onto Fox in manners however you might like.

There are specific traits to Fox that remain part of his core character, however. He's obviously a strong leader, leading the legendary Star Fox team. If we go by Star Fox 64's ending, he's pretty humble, given that he turns down joining military ranks (presumably greater glory) to keep his life in a freer style with his contract work. (This gets played up as the series goes along, though Fox was actually pretty cocky in Star Fox 64, and somewhat so in Star Fox: Adventures as well.)

Given how his personality matures by the time of Star Fox: Assault and whatever went on with Star Fox: Command, Fox is something of a type that does abide by rules and doing the greater good type of work, but still retains some of his "off the books" or "go it alone" type of work.

So, since he's a hero that dances close to more lawful work, though still manages to find ways to slide around for what his objectives desire, that does make him a mostly "no nonsense" type, though on the friendlier and nicer side, of course. Fox can be portrayed as pretty orderly, in other words, and doesn't favor causing more trouble than he can handle, even if he's not above it.

Does that sound like something of an inverse to Panther, who tends to get into trouble and be mischievous? I should hope so!

Because they have foiled personalities from one another, that gives Fox and Panther elements of "opposites attract," since Panther can be silly and troublesome, while Fox tries to be serious and respectful. Panther has a shadier history with the Cornerian Army and his past is riddled with mystery and lack of depth. Fox, meanwhile, has staunchly strong and heroic ties with the Cornerian Army, who rely and count on his efforts to help them out. Additionally, he has a fair amount of his background explored as well, especially so compared to the enigma that is Panther.

Going by how flustered Fox gets in Star Fox: Adventures, Assault, and Command, he's also a bit sloppier in the romance department. He's seen as a stammering type, and shier around those that show interest in him, namely how Krystal does in the former two installments. He ends up being too protective of her in the last game included for that group, and kicks her from the team thinking that it was the safer option, when it really did nothing to stop her.

Those that ship Fox with Falco can also write him in angles to being oblivious to love, since Falco tends to be a bit harsh with Fox, which many like to write as him being guarded with his true feelings. So, combined with the information above, Fox is something of a romantic novice or rather inept at it.

Panther, whether he's actually good at romance or just likes to think he is, still comes across as an opposite to Fox on that level too. Whereas Fox falters and hesitates in romantic matters, Panther boldly strides forward to do his best in a quest for love.

There are some tricks to helping Fox and Panther work even better than just playing off of their foil traits however.

For starters: Both can be portrayed as very lonely souls.

Fox is a character that lost his parents at a young age, with his mother being out of the picture in every game installment, and his father dead before he's even 18. That's rough stuff, at least in my book. So, I'd consider that Fox has some isolated sides to his character that not everyone knows about, and that he has a side that grieves for his loved ones, and a side that longs to find a way to be loved and cherished in some manner once more.

Huh, does that sound familiar again? Someone that desperately wants to find love to fill a void in his life?

Oh wait, that's literally part of Panther's core too!

See, both Fox and Panther are seekers of love. While Fox may not be as forward with his intentions, he cares deeply for his team, his allies, and his planet, if not the entire Lylat galaxy. While Panther may not have such grand showings for compassion, he'd be the type that would be impressed, if not charmed, by someone so compassionate and caring.

If you take the idea that Panther helped make Wolf and Leon better, then it's likely that he also has a good deal of compassion in him too, seeing the best in people that the rest of Corneria and Lylat write off as the worst out there. Finding the light in the darkness is a kind of hopeful trait that Fox would absolutely be drawn to, since he can struggle to do the same.

Of course, both Panther and Fox are also skilled pilots, so, they have at least that much in common. Fox's skills are something that have outright impressed Panther in canon, and he compliments Fox a few times in both Star Fox: Assault and Star Fox: Command, commending Fox as his personal rival. It's not hard at all to shift that from mere respect to a deeper admiration.

Both are also very loyal and willing to see their goals through to the end. Fox proves this repeatedly in the games, but Panther shows such qualities in his appearances too, sticking by Wolf's side in spite of the challenges they face, and committing to his goals until they either are toppled enough to stop him, or until they are fully realized in a capacity that satisfies Panther well enough.

Typically, I like to mix things between "opposites attract" and "like attracts likes," to balance them out. Both Fox and Panther want to not be lonely and fall in love, to share their lives with someone. They're both also types that would be lonely in a crowd, though none are likely to suspect so, since they both come across confident and social enough to prove otherwise. Fox may find Panther's slippery side somewhat alluring, since he follows a freedom that Fox may sometimes wish he had from his more uptight and legacied life. Panther, meanwhile, might find Fox's loyalty and noble traits very endearing, because that means he'd firmly stand beside anyone that he committed himself to, something that Panther absolutely wants.

Naturally, you can play around with how you might like to portray them, based on the choices you'd make with your story, but those are some elements that I noticed and liked to help build it up.

While a lot of it is fairly made up with loose ties to canon, that's kind of the point to many fanfics. And even still, there is enough canon support to characterize Panther and Fox in a way that could make them a harmonized duo, to the point of romantic involvement.

Phew! Even I didn't realize how much I'd have to write about them until I actually put it all down, lol.

I do hope that you find this helpful. If you want any more information with building the pairing up for writing, please let me know! I'd love to increase the support that FoxPan gets out there, haha!

Thank you for asking too! This was a lot of fun to write out.

[juminly]

Poison & Wine (Dabi x Reader)

Fandom: Boku No Hero Academia/My Hero Academia.  Pairing: Dabi x Female!Reader.  Summary: Dabi just wanted you to pour him some wine. Things just get a bit more heated from there as you when you get a good taste of him... and he just does the same.  Rating: Explicit. (Minors, DNI) Warnings: Alcohol Consumption, Pet-Play, Teasing, BDSM, Desk Sex, Rough Sex, Slight Degradation, Blow-Job, Hate sex?, A tiny tiny bit of Gore, Doggy-Style, Hair-Pulling, Creampie.  Word Count: 4.7k ~ –♥– There he goes again. Calling you a puppy and asking you to go fetch him a bottle of wine. Emphasis on the word bottle cause God forbid you got him something else, he was going to burn something to ashes and you would have to suffer the consequences, for whatever reason that may be. Out of all of the villains you met, Dabi was the worst of them all. You've heard much about him, those bright and deadly blue flames of him that strike both fear and bewilderment in your heart.

He was different from them all. You knew exactly why but never dared to say it.

You had no idea why he was in Kurogiri/Shigaraki's study and you couldn't care less. Or that's what you told yourself. Even before you found yourself accidentally associated in one of the League of Villains crimes, you had no choice but to join them, even if you were but a mere quirkless human. You used your talents to do research, aka gathering intelligence on the public's opinion on the war between heroes and villains in return for their protection, keeping you from getting locked in prison for life, for a crime that you didn't even commit.

Opening the door to the study, a small gasp escaped your lips which you immediately masked with a few words, the surprise you felt betrayed you and ringing clearly in your voice even when you huffed as disgruntledly as you could. "H-Here's the bottle. Where do you want it?"

Sitting in a disheveled button down white blouse, his chest was on full display, showcasing the staples that joined the curved lines of his pale skin with the wrinkled burnt flesh, the contrasting purple was never something you could get used to, especially when you thought about how he even suffered such atrocious injuries. But it was... his hair, stark white compared to the usual black that he wore, the spiky locks appeared to glow when he brushed a scarred hand between them while he looked up blankly at the ceiling.

When was he going to acknowledge you? Or at least the wine that you brought him?

Even with his physique covered in marred skin, his turquoise eyes gazing at you with nothing but complete disinterest, evidently bored with your mere existence as he always seemed to remind you with either his words or his actions. You could offer him nothing, annoying him to the point of contempt. Why was he so pissed off with you being around? Why did he treat like you were some sort of slave? You had no idea.

Well, he could kill you right on the spot so you had better do as he said, having the power to go down in flames in a split-second, turn you to nothing without a blink of his gorgeous eyes. It was a challenge, you finding him incredibly and criminally attractive, spending countless nights with your fingers, knuckles deep inside your dripping cunt, calling out Dabi’s name… wishing that you knew his real one.

Fuck him for making you feel this way. Literally.

If only.

"Is that how you speak to your Master, little puppy?" He smirked, the words dragging from his lips as he drawled teasingly, not even bothering to sit up and look at you as he addressed you. You were wondering why he didn’t even speak to you when your feet had been frozen in place, your mind travelling to a place so far away… a place that could never exist. One where you… "If you know what's best for you, come here and pour me some." Dabi interrupted your thoughts, his raspy voice portraying his bubbling frustration.

Fucking son of a bitch. Walking towards him, you stood behind the chair he was slouching on, looking down at him yet his eyes were still trained on the ceiling, flickering only momentarily towards you then back on whatever it is he was staring at. What the hell was he looking at? Tilting your head upwards, you found nothing. Just the plain white ceiling. Okay… weird. Sighing, you brought your attention back to him and droned, your own irritation with him growing. “Do you have a glass somewhere around here? You just asked me to fetch the damn bottle.” Idly lifting his hand towards his face, you watched as one of his long bony fingers pinched one of the staples by his lips, plucking them out without even a wince and he did the same on the other side, snickering at your reaction. He didn’t even have to look at you to see you wince at his seemingly masochistic behaviour, the pain actually a feeling that he welcomed with open arms, amongst other sensations that he sought. Right then, he just really wanted some liquor in his system and to spite Kurogiri. It was no one’s business why he wanted to do so but unjustifiably consuming heaps of the man’s favourite wine. That would definitely do it. “Quit your damn yapping? I swear, you’re worse than fucking white noise.” Now that he removed one of the staples, Dabi could open his mouth even wider, his long tongue lapping up at the small trail of blood that oozed from the small pricks on his skin, the familiar metallic taste settling on his tongue eliciting a small groan of approval from him. “Why would I need a damn glass when I’ve got a puppy to help me drink it all up?” Without even waiting for your response, Dabi glared at you from the corner of his eyes, his head tilted back with his mouth wide open, waiting for you to actually move. You didn’t know why you let him string you along the way he did but here you were, popping the wine bottle open and tipping it slowly, watching the vinaceous liquid flow into Dabi’s expectant mouth. Your eyes remained trained on him, observing how he let the liquid accumulate in his mouth, then swallowing it in large gulps, his adam’s apple protruding visibly from his throat, you found yourself mesmerized by the way it bobbed up and down as he continued to take more and more of the wine inside his body. The moment you tried to tip the bottle back a bit, easing slightly on the amount you poured, a threatening groan rumbled in his chest, making you roll your eyes at him. “You can choke on that damn wine for all I care. I won’t stop until you finish the bottle then.”

The corner of his lips, of his face to be more accurate, turned up into a malicious smirk, as derisive as he ever was, his turquoise eyes staring into yours as the wine began to seep past his lips and broken flesh. A blood-red trail began meandering down his face, tracing the skin of his neck as it began to flow freely, painting a stream of crimson rivers along the valleys of his sculpted chest, as if it were worshipping the ripples of his scarred skin and reaching down to the end of the path, right by his Adonis belt where Dabi’s low-hanging pants lied. You could feel your throat getting dry, thoughts playing over what the man that lounged before you looked like past his well-defined V-line. How much of a tease could he be? Not only was he sitting in an almost indecent manner, practically asking for you to drool and swoon all over how fuckable he was? God knew how much you craved him, the countless fantasies of yours where he just gripped you by the neck and railed you, leaving you breathless, with a sore pussy and legs that practically turned into jelly.

“Hey!” He snapped you out of your lustful reverie, realizing that you had already emptied the bottle, tiny droplets were now falling on Dabi’s face and trickling down his chin. He cocked an eyebrow at you, not bothering to wipe the rivulets of wine that joined the red roadmap that you drew on his imperfectly perfect banging body. Hngh, why the fuck did he make you this thirsty? “Yo, pup. You gonna stop spacin’ out and clean up this damn mess?”

Normally, you would’ve just walked away but something kept your damn feet glued to the floor, your eyes searching around the room for napkins. It wasn’t like anything in this damn room could be used to get those wine stains off his shirt. With the same hand you held the wine bottle in, you placed it over your hip and the other on your waist, informing him despondently. “There ain’t any tissues here so you’ll have to make do with that already ruined shirt of yours.

“You’re running that pretty mouth of yours. I’m sure you could put it to better use.”

“Yeah, I could.” You replied, without even realizing the implications of your own words.

”Then get on with it.” Dabi rolled the chair a tad and spread his legs even wider, giving you enough space to step in between them and you did exactly just that. With his eyes closed shut, he just let you take matters into your own hands, thinking you were the one in control. You didn’t think your actions through but you found yourself hovering over him, balancing yourself with your hands on the back of the chair. Leaning down, your tongue trailed over the corner of his jawline, the tender feeling of his marred skin strange but not revolting in the least. 

It was exhilarating, finally being able to have your lips on his body, to know how he felt and especially the part of him that made him seem even more of a ‘bad guy’. In your eyes, he was the hottest fucker you could have your hands on and right then, your lips wantonly kissed down the column of his neck, sucking on his skin, looping your tongue around his collarbone. Hiking down his chest, you lapped up the crimson liquid, sucking on the piercing rings that adorned his nipples. Why was he like this? Why was it that he didn’t seem the least bit affected by this? You could already feel your body running hot, adrenaline rushing through your veins. He didn’t ask for you to do anything to pleasure him but this certainly came as an added bonus, his pants tightening with every brush of your wet tongue, every kiss from your soft perfect lips on his hideous self. The smile that turned up the corner of his lips was an involuntary one, a certain anticipation building inside of him to see how you would react as you travelled further down his ripped body, reaching where his pants were feeling tight as shit. Oh well, it was going to hurt if he just relieved himself as you did your thing. Now, would it? His hands were focused on freeing his half-erect cock from his pants and damn, it was a good day to have gone commando and be chilling with wine just streaking his body and a good puppy just licking it all off. Now that your lips had already found his rib cage, intricately and delicately licking all traces of red from his skin, a small yelp escaped you as your upper lip got caught on one of the staples. While crouching down so you could tend to his abs, completely ignoring the nick of your lips, Dabi grabbed your chin and tilted your head up before your knees could touch the floor, before you could finally get to the part you’ve always dreamed of. Licking his abs. With your eyes locked on turquoise, you gulped loudly as he hunched forward abruptly, capturing your upper lip between his and sucked lazily, dragging his tongue lazily over the bit of blood that dripped from your soft flesh. To keep yourself from falling, you stabilized yourself with your hands on his knees, reeling over him hungrily as he teased you by letting his tongue delve into your mouth, brushing against the roof of your mouth, having you let out an involuntary preen at the shivering sensation that washed over you. Before you could even kiss him back or even get a better taste of him, he broke your bind with a final suck, licking his lips as he slouched back against the chair once again.   Fuck. You knew that he was packing under the belt but holy shit, you weren’t expecting to see Jacob’s Ladder pierced from the base of his cock right to his tip. His loose grip on his length made your mouth water, your mind certainly no longer focused on his abs but on the way you saw his thick shaft lay heavy in his palm, hardening by the second as he brushed the underside with his thumb. “You’re really provin’ to be a bad pup. There’s still some wine left.” Giving him your best glare, you propped yourself comfortably between his thighs, slapping his hand away from his cock, earning you a warning glare of his own. “Shut up. I’ll get to it later. Let me help you with this.” You grumbled, wrapping your lithe fingers around his girth with one hand, dragging your fingers up and down the underside of his cock, feeling the bumps of the cool metal in the experimental trail you drew, just to gauge his reaction. Staring at you with half-lidded eyes, his face stretched into a lazy smirk, his tongue wetting his lower lip in a swift sweep. “You’re just hungry for my cock, huh? Could’ve just said so.” Lifting his hands to cradle the back of his head, he was ready to enjoy the show. Prying your mouth slightly ajar, you began by giving him kitten licks around his tip with your palm squeezed the base of his cock, focusing on pumping him with a steady rhythm. Your curiosity guided you as you enveloped his tip with your mouth, suckling on it harder while your tongue swept on the underside of his shaft, teasing him around the metal circle you found there then up to his slit, feeling the salty taste of his pre-cum hit your tongue. You really tried, really did but ultimately failed when you moaned appreciatively as he got thicker inside your mouth, motivating you to open even wider and take him even deeper into your mouth, releasing your hands to tend to his balls, kneading them with enough pressure to have him twitch against your tongue. Your eyes fleeted up towards him, finding Dabi still wearing the stoically unimpressed expression he usually had. You had a fucking mouthful of his cock and he wasn’t even batting an eyelash. What kind of self-control did this guy have? “Didn’t know that you like having your mouth full of cock, puppy.” He chuckled deep and low, the rumbling only infuriating you… and arousing you too. Lowering yourself down further, you flattened your tongue against him, letting it glide over his hard cock, sucking him deeper as while you hollowed your cheeks, choking slightly the moment he hit the back of your throat. Wait… he wasn’t all the way in yet! You were going to have to ease him even further inside in your next try. Sucking in a deep breath, you swirled your tongue around his length languorously, making sure that every bit of him was warm and slick, your mouth feeling immediately lighter as you suckled on his tip. Just thinking about how big he is had you squirming, your panties growing slick with the thought of him stretching your tight pussy with his thick cock. With your strong resolve, you relaxed your jaw and swallowed him whole this time, bobbing your head over him as drool dripped from your lips, the wet noises of your sucking getting louder as you moved with smug eagerness. If you were looking to get a reaction out of him, well… you were better off looking elsewhere.

“You’re gonna keep wagging your tail like a bitch in heat?” You suddenly felt his hand on you, gripping your hair harshly. He yanked your head away from him, his cock slipping out of your mouth with a loud wet pop, you licked up the drool seeping from the corner of your mouth. “You wanna choke on my dick or stuff your dripping pussy with me?” He spoke harshly between his teeth, the aggression in his words making your core clench with need, fucking reeling just for him to finally fuck you the way you always wanted. “You’re drooling for my cock and I’m being nice enough to ask you what you want. Answer me.”

With your lips parted, you gasped for air, the heat pooling between your legs was something that you could no longer ignore despite the fact that you hated how much your body just ached him. ”Get your fucking hands off me.” Gripping his hand tightly, you sank your nails into his skin and removed it from the crown of your head and back to his side. “Since you asked me, ‘nicely’, what I want…” You spat venomously at him, unzipping your pants and popping the button before shimmying out of them, your hips moving side to side as you slid your panties down along with it, turning around to step your feet out of them, exposing your bare ass to Dabi’s now slightly more interested eyes. “Mhm… I always thought you had a nice ass, puppy but I’m actually impressed.” You felt a bit smug that he found you at least kinda attractive, or that’s at least what you thought he was trying to say. You were able to get it up for him and please him thoroughly with your mouth, so it seemed fair to assume so. Still, why the fuck did you care what he thought of you? You really… really hated how cold and impassive he was with you.

“Fuck you, Dabi.” You growled out. With your hands settling on either side of his head, gripping the back of his chair while you placed one knee on it and then the other, finally straddling him and feeling the tip of his erection brushed against your lips.

“Haha, most gladly. But this is not gonna go the way you want.” Mocking you with a derisive smirk, his hands grabbing onto your waist and lifting you off the chair as he stood and kicked the damn thing away from him. With your feet now dangling off the floor, he grinned widely, his face was the true representation of malice and chaos. “I’ll give you exactly what you asked for.” He breathed raspily, the threatening edge to his voice made you want to squirm in his hold yet you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing you weak for him. You already felt the wetness of your slick pool at your core, drenching your lips and drip down your inner thighs, a sensation that you were so familiar with when you spent so many nights just edging yourself with wet daydreams, initially refusing to give in to your lust for the despicable man. One moment, you were facing and the next, he flipped you onto your stomach over the desk, basically slamming your body onto the wooden surface, spreading your legs apart while you scrambled to plant your feet on the floor, reaching for the edge of the desk and gripping it with all your might. You were right in doing so because the second you were parallel to the floor, Dabi lined his cock at your entrance and thrust violently inside of you, impaling you as he stretched your tight walls with no prelude whatsoever. The mixture of pleasure of being filled so deliciously made you cry out but didn’t keep you from wincing, your breath coming out in gasp at the sore sensation in your pussy, having been jabbed into so abruptly. “Still too early to whine, puppy. We’re just getting started.” He chuckled mockingly, his voice still as monotonous and raspy as it had always been, as if he wasn’t so strenuously splitting you with his cock. With his hands at your hips, his bruising grip held you tightly in place as he rocked his hips against you, the wet sounds of your sopping pussy milking him as his balls slapped against you, electrifying tremors racking through your legs with the intensity of his assault. You didn’t mind the manhandling, it was hot and like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. Holy fucking shit… you didn’t know that Jacob’s Ladder would feel this good, adding another layer of stimulation that had your eyes roll back. You had never been fucked like this before and the sounds that came from your lips were a true testament to that. You were never really a loud one in bed but Dabi was making you moan loudly, your tight core sucking him in every time he pulled your hips to him, slamming into you and sheathing himself fully inside of you, the tip of his cock grazing your sweet spot only for a split second before he pulled back, removing himself completely out of you just to hear you keen loudly for him, begging for his cock, especially when you felt the cool metal dragged out of your walls. “Hah… fuck fuck… fuck me harder, damn it!” You screamed through heaving gasps, your voice muffled as you spoke against the hard surface beneath you, holding on to it with your dear life as it began rocking under you every time he pummelled you. The strength he put into each thrust was more than enough to have your legs quaking, your sense of equilibrium teetering on the edge, just like your sanity was. He felt way too fucking good and you wanted more. “Aren’t you a greedy little bitch, huh?” He drawled, unable to keep himself from laughing out loud. You were really proving yourself to be such a good puppy for him and he was definitely starting to get more and more into this. “Milking my cock like this and you still want more?” His unrelenting rhythm in which he was fucking you slowed after every few harsh thrusts, allowing your pussy to swallow him whole, your inner walls just tightening around him, the wet contractions accompanied by your annoyingly sweet whines intoxicating him even more that the full-bodied wine he emptied. He always wanted to have such a good pet like you, with a pussy as ready and welcoming as yours yet strong enough to handle him just as he was. “You just really want me to wreck you, puppy. How long have you been fantasizing about me fucking you like this?” He asked, his raspy timbre wavering slightly as his breath quickened, pleasure making his walls slowly crumbled but what really mattered still remained. He was the one in control. “Answer me, bitch.” He didn’t have to sugarcoat things for you, take it easy on you or treat you like you were fragile. Reaching forward, he laced his fingers into your locks, latching on your hair and pulling your head back, forcing you off the desk to look into his cruel turquoise orbs. He really wished he had a collar wrapped around your pretty little neck and a chain that he could just pull on. For now, your hair would make do.

“Yesssss… fuck mee, yesss. I hate you so much for this, Dabi.” You mewled out, the knot in your stomach becoming excruciatingly tighter, the eminent pulsing of your ravaged core assuring that your release was near. Fuck, fuck, fuck. The feeling of your hair being tugged on your scalp had your eyes burning, tears forming in the corner of your eyes but it wasn’t only from the stinging sensation that was borderline abusive. And you loved it. “Hate me all you want.. I know you’ve been fucking yourself to the thought of me.” Dabi droned, a teasing lilt to his tone that set you aflame and your blood boiling. What he said was unfortunately true and who were you to deny it. Nodding in response to him or to your own thoughts, you weren’t entirely sure. All you knew was that you absolutely loved how he was using you like the pet that you were. His fuck toy.

“Don’t try to be proud. I can feel your pussy clamping my cock harder now.” Driving himself into you, his cock pushed even deeper inside of you when you arched your back, pushing your ass up and getting him to penetrate you even more. “You like it rough, don’t ya?” For the first time since he started fucking you, a deep groan ripped from his throat, exhaling through gritted teeth as the pleasure of being enveloped by your warmth finally started creeping on to him, managing to break through the stronghold that was his emotionless demeanor. He didn’t expect you to feel so damn good and he just needed so much more of you, feeling himself get closer to his orgasm as his cock began to twitch inside you, your pussy squeezing him even tighter with you being right over the edge of falling apart. Just a few more thrusts and he was gone. Pulling even harder on your hair, you raised yourself onto your elbows, crying out as Dabi was now repeatedly hitting you exactly where you needed him to, the one hand he had on your hips thankfully keeping you in place while he pumped himself into you, the pace of his thrusts faltering as your release came crashing down on you. Your choked moans threw him off, the meek sounds tumbling from your lips had him wondering why the fuck it took him so damn long to fuck you. Letting go of your hair, Dabi smacked his hands down on either side of you, rolling his hips to dive in to the hilt, spilling himself inside you, filling you up with his cum while your entire body trembled from the force of your climax, the ripples of pleasure still coursing through you as you continued to milk him dry. Dabi felt so damn disoriented and he wasn’t sure whether it was because of the fucking wine or the nutting he just had. He hadn’t come that much in such a long time and he really really wanted to just flop over you and cool down. Maybe go for another round. But he didn’t need a damn clingy puppy. Just a good obedient bitch he could fuck. Slipping out of you, he looked down at the mess that he made out of you, licking his lips as he spread your cheeks apart, watching his cum ooze out of you and drip to the floor. Your inner thighs were glistening with your own slick and fuck, didn’t you have a pretty pussy? It looked good and felt good too. Maybe next time, he’d have a taste of it too. If he felt like it. He didn’t have the chance to look at you before but examining you now and after fucking you, you were much better than he thought you would be. Pulling his pants back on, he zipped his pants and began scuffing away, throwing a bored glance back at you before walking out the door. “You were a decent fuck so I wouldn’t mind doing this again.” And right before he closed the door behind him, he added. “Clean up before you leave. Don’t need Kurogiri up my ass.” Not that he was going to leave him be anyways. Click. Now that he was gone and you were all alone. You finally got some time to let what happened just sink in. You were not ashamed and paid absolutely mind at the throbbing ache between your legs, the tingling sensation of numbness coursing through your lower body, thanks to the thorough pounding you had just received. The only thought that went through your mind, the subtle rise of giddiness mixing with utter satisfaction as you reminded yourself that you just had gotten the best fuck of your life. What a masochist you were. It was certainly a day full of discoveries. Now that you had a taste of this. You knew that you hadn’t gotten enough. And you would prowl for more. –♥– A/N: SORRY IF THIS was OOC, this is my first time writing anything of this sort. Tagging: @cleverlittlevixen​ here is some-dumpster-thing you would like and @hqissodelicate​ thank you for agreeing to beta this (I was too impatient to wait so I posted T_T)  Please feel free to leave some love in the comments or some feedback!💜 You can also check out my Masterlist ! 

[safertokiss]

There’s No One Else

A/N: Heyooo! I loved this request so of course I had to write something for it. It’s my first MGG fic, but it was super fun to write and I plan to do more fics for his other roles. Thanks for the support and all the kind words!<3 P.S. I decided to try out 2nd person in this one.

Request: “Can you do an angst/smut with Matthew but it's the set of criminal minds and they are shooting a scene and reader likes Matthew but she is keeping it a secret? sorry if that didn't make any sense. I love your writing!!” ( @victomizedbyreginageorge )

Pairing: MATTHEW GRAY GUBLERx FEM! READER

Category: SMUT, slight angst, and of course fluff

Word Count: 5.2k

ENJOY!:)

~~~

MASTERLIST

~~~

Ever since you were a child, you knew that you were destined to be on the set of a production studio, surrounded by the biggest stars the business had to offer. Granted, you had always assumed you’d be the one in front of the camera rather than behind, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers in this world.

 It’s not that you disliked being Khalia Dark’s assistant. She was a world renown celebrity, loved by all who were graced with her presence, from afar that is. Anyone who had the “honor” to get up close and personal with her, yourself included, knew she wasn’t the sweetest of the bunch. If you were to use your own words, she was a mythic bitch. Adored by millions, envied by more, which was pretty much the case for all of the A-listers out here anyway. Although you could do without the woman being in your vicinity, you didn’t mind being her servant most of the time.

More often than not you were certain she forgot about your existence all together, which usually gave you a chance to breathe for a bit. While your job brought about many positives for yourself, for example the extensive knowledge of posh coffees that you would have memorized for life, the highlight of the endeavor was without a doubt the exclusive access to the extravagant movie and TV sets that the queen bee happened to be appearing in each given week. Today, much to your excitement, was one of those days. Usually movies were more her forte so it was always a nice, refreshing change when she booked a role for the small screen. 

Her newest conquest in the industry just happened to be one of your favorite shows to have ever aired, Criminal Minds. Of course you were trying to remain professional, but it became increasingly difficult the closer you got to the studio lot’s entrance. The child in you was screaming with joy at the prospect of being there, surrounded by some of your favorite actors and actresses in the industry. You couldn’t even consider the possibility that you would get to meet Matthew Gray Gubler, the object of your affections for as long as you had been watching the show. That simply was a no go. You were positive that if at any point in time he was in your vicinity, you would simply lose consciousness, and that wouldn’t exactly be the best first impression. The further you walked onto the set, the more amazed you were. You were so familiar with it after years of watching, it just felt like a second home. After breaking out of your stupor, you quickly spun around to try and locate your boss, immediately colliding with whatever was in front of you, letting out a small “oomf”. Well. Whoever.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying atten-.”

You immediately froze mid-sentence when your eyes caught up with your actions. Fuck. This is not happening. It was him. Standing less than a foot away from you was the one and only Mr. Matthew Gray Gubler, live and in the flesh. Fucking hell.

“Hey it’s no problem, I promise. Don’t worry about it. I’m not exactly the most coordinated person on the planet either, trust me”, he said, chuckling lightly. Running a hand through his unkempt curls, he momentarily let his eyes roam your frame before seemingly snapping out of it, clearing his throat and extending one of his strong looking hands towards you.

“I’m Matthew by the way.”

You, however, were still frozen in place. Realizing how stupid you looked just standing there, openly ogling the man in front of you, you quickly met his hand, a nervous smile adorning your face. His hands were so fucking soft.

Chuckling once again, he seemed to be waiting for something.

“And you are?”

Oh shit. You hadn’t even introduced yourself yet! So much for first impressions you thought.

“O-oh right! Sorry. I'm Y/N. Ms. Dark’s assistant”, you stuttered out, entranced by the specimen in front of you. “Wow, that’s a beautiful name. Well I guess it’s fitting. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”

Wait a second. Had you heard those words correctly. THE Matthew Gray Gubler just called you beautiful? You must’ve been dreaming, there was simply no other explanation. But when you glanced at him he was once again trailing his eyes all over you. Holy shit. You thought you were going to implode on the spot.

“Th-thank you”, you muttered shyly, feeling the blush spread across your features faster than a wildfire in a dry forest. After your weak excuse of an answer left your lips, the two of you just continued to stare at each other for what felt like hours. Eventually you were broken out of your trance by the director calling all of the actors to their places across the lot.

“I-um-I gotta go do a scene, but it was a pleasure to meet you Y/N. I hope I get to see more of you around here.” With a quick wink in my direction, he was off in the direction of the other actors swarming to the set from their trailers. For the third time in the last five minutes you were frozen to the spot in which you stood on the pavement. What in the actual fuck just happened? He called you beautiful. He wants to see more of you. HE WINKED AT YOU. This time you felt like you were truly about to lose consciousness so you booked it to the bathroom to calm yourself. After splashing some water on your face, you felt your body temperature returning to a somewhat normal degree and decided you should probably go to the set in case the Queen of Hearts needed anything from you. 

When you approached the scene that was being filmed, you were able to deduct fairly quickly what the plot revolved around. Apparently Khalia had been hired as the episode’s damsel in distress victim, typical. She was definitely the type to rely on others for pretty much anything. That wasn’t what was catching your eye though. Even from where you were standing you could clearly see her making eyes at Matthew. I guess you couldn’t blame her, he was gorgeous, but it still made you feel so insecure. It really just served as a reminder that people like him would never go after people like you. They want the ones who count. They want Ms. Khalia Dark. In what world would someone like him want a nobody like Y/N Y/L/N? There wasn’t one that came to mind. And while this revelation was pretty damn heartbreaking, you couldn’t say you were shocked by the cold, hard truth.

Feeling like you had lost a war that hadn’t ever really even begun, you turned back to look at Matthew, deciding to make the most of however short the time was that you’d be here. However, he was nowhere to be seen. You quickly realized that while you had been distracted, the scene had switched to something else, one where Matthew appeared to be absent.

“Hey again!”

You literally jumped off the ground and let out a little yelp at the noise, you were so startled.

“Oops, I’m sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you, sweetheart,” he got out between adorable giggles. Damn, this man was gonna be the death of you. Literally. If he scared you like that again, you might actually have a heart attack.

“Jesus Matthew! A little warning next time!” You couldn’t help but join in his giggling after a few seconds. Returning his gesture just made the two of you laugh even harder until both of your chests hurt like hell. His laugh was angelic. Perfect. Just like him. For some reason, after you guys had calmed down a bit, you noticed him once again looking you up and down, admiring your body. You even swore you saw him lick his lips. You must be imagining things. Weird. Very weird. Bringing his wandering eyes back to yours, a goofy grin was plastered across his face. You hadn’t even realized you were biting your lip until he reached towards you, dislodging your teeth from the soft skin. “Don’t do that,” he said with a much more serious expression adorning his features. Before you really had the chance to decipher what had just happened, a loud voice cut through the air directed towards you both, causing you to put a bit of space between the two of you. You were able to easily recognize the sultry voice as Shemar’s, turning towards him, a smirk on his face.

“What’s going on that’s so funny over here,” he questioned before his attention shifted to focus solely on you. “My, my. And what’s your name sugar?” You were starstruck for what felt like the thousandth time that day, standing there with your mouth awkwardly hanging open.

“Hi, I’m Y/N. I work for Kahlia, her assistant actually. Nice to meet you”, you answered brightly, a polite smile gracing your lips.

“Trust me, the pleasure is all mine sweetness”, he concluded with a wink. While the action was endearing, it had nowhere near the same effect on you as Matthew’s did. You had always adored Morgan on the show, but you didn’t really know Shemar well enough to have any serious opinions about the dude. Matthew, however, you knew everything there was to be known, from his haunted treehouse to his love of Halloween. You weren’t proud of your obsession, but you couldn’t deny the unbelievably strong attraction you had for the man to your left. Regardless, the interaction caused a blush to spread, though this time it was caused more by being flustered rather than speechless. 

You were about to say something else to try and salvage some of the pride you had just lost, but you were beaten to the punch by Romeo himself. 

“Nothing’s happening over here actually, Shemar. I was having a private conversation with Y/N and I’d appreciate it if you let us get back to it. Thank you.” Matthew’s voice had picked up an edge and his eyes were dark. Like really dark. Although the situation was super uncomfortable and kind of unsettling, considering how feral he looked, you couldn’t help to think about how HOT it was. How hot he was.

“Woah, sorry kid. I didn’t mean to interrupt, just thought I’d introduce myself.”

Seeming to notice his mistakes, Matthew’s eyes quickly returned to their normal color and he stuttered out an apology, with slightly labored breaths.

“No, no I’m sorry man. I didn’t mean to snap like that, just been kind of on edge today”, he said, darting his eyes towards you quickly before redirecting his attention and clearing his throat.

“It’s all good Pretty Ricky, I get like that sometimes too. I’ll catch you guys later. It was nice to meet you Y/N”, he spoke before turning and retreating in the direction of the cast trailers. Shifting your focus back to Matthew, you could tell he was still a bit tense. You gently placed your hand on his shoulder to grab his attention, quietly asking if he was ok.

“Hmm what? Oh, um yeah. Yup. I’m-I’m good. All good. Like I said just a little on edge today. I haven’t had enough coffee”, he hastily responded. Before you could push further, the silence was broken by a shrill voice you were too familiar with, Khalia, unfortunately calling for your assistance at one of the most inopportune times. You turned back to him and gave a sad smile.

“See you around,” you asked, with just a little too much excitement laced in your voice.

“Y-yeah. Of course!” He seemed to have perked up a bit and gave you a wide grin. With a small wave, you were off to do whatever in God’s name the queen wanted from you now.

~~~

The week you were on set was surprisingly going by pretty damn quickly.

As much as you were anxiously awaiting the end so you could be free from Khalia for a bit of time, you couldn’t help but lament the fact that you would have to leave what felt like your second home. You would have to leave Matthew. That’s what hurt most of all. The two of you had become quite close in the short time you had been on set. Well, maybe not close per say, but comfortable? Sure. You guys were comfortable with each other, maybe a little too much on your end. Since that moment with Shemar and his outburst, the tenseness never seemed to dissipate completely. The two of you had shared some quick glances while he was filming a scene or while you were navigating the complex maze that was this sound stage. Whenever the two of you were near each other, he always appeared to go out of his way to get some kind of contact with you, whether it was his shoulder rubbing against yours or his fingers brushing yours as he passed by you. You, still in the mindset that someone as amazing and talented as him would never want anything to do you with you, didn’t really think much of his actions, simply playing them off as accidents and coincidences. 

Although you caught him staring at you on more than one occasion during your time there, you definitely spent the majority of your time ogling the fine specimen. You didn’t understand how a person could be so perfect. Seemingly no flaws. Sure, you had known pretty much every fun fact about the man when you had arrived on set a couple days ago, but now that you had spent some time with him, you were even more enamored. Matthew was an enigma and you wanted him. So fucking bad. Unfortunately, so did basically every other girl on the planet. You really shouldn’t be wasting so much time thinking about him, but at this point you were just in too deep. Watching him do his thing on the sound stage was like watching your own personal exhibition, so much talent pouring out of him he shouldn’t have even been allowed to do what he does. The world would certainly be a lot darker without his geniusness though so you supposed it was ok. As the scene you had been watching came to a close, you decided you really wanted to talk to Matthew again, missing the sound of his velvety voice as he focused on you and only you during the few conversations you’d gotten to have so far. Just as you were about to reach him, though, Khalia appeared out of nowhere directly in front of him with the same look in her eyes she had given him your first day on set. Hunger. You didn’t really know what to do now so you just kind of stood there watching the interaction. The conversation was just out of range, but you could tell she had said something that had made them both laugh. You also watched her place her hands on him in a very flirty way. And much to your dismay, he didn’t seem to be that bothered by it.

You knew that you had absolutely no right to be jealous of her advances, seeing there was nothing between the two of you, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt. You had known all along that he didn’t have those kinds of feelings for you, but the cold, hard truth being presented on a silver platter right in your face sucked. A whole hell of a lot. Deciding to leave the two of them to enjoy their moment, you turned and made your way to the snack table on the opposite side of the room. As you got closer, you noticed Shemar lingering around it, seemingly snacking on something among the array of treats presented on the table.

“Hey. Nice to see you again”, you said with a small smile, alerting him of your presence.

You had gotten a bit closer to him over the last few days, getting to know more about him, rather than just his character. He was a really nice guy. Very charming, much like his TV counterpart. 

“Y/N! Hey! How are you today?”

“I’m ok. Not one of the best, but hey I’m alive I guess”, you said with a sad smile. Worry quickly spreading across his face, he pulled you into a hug, gently caressing your back.

“Hey don’t say that babydoll. It might not be the best of days, but everyday is worth living in my eyes. We’re all so lucky to be given the chance to be here so why not say fuck it and make everyday a party.” You pulled away from him chuckling at his words, feeling slightly better than you had before. You were grateful for Shemar helping you out when you needed a mood boost.

“Thanks Shemar. You sure know how to make a girl feel better.” 

“Anytime baby girl”, he said with a wink, making you giggle again at his silly nicknames and behavior towards you. A little bit more at ease, you let your eyes survey the room real quick, eventually landing on Matthew. A very angry and annoyed looking Matthew. He was staring directly at the two of you, his hands balled into fists at his sides, his breathing heavy, his eyes as dark as could be. Less than a minute later, he turned around and stormed off in the direction of what you assumed was his trailer. Quickly focusing on Shemar again, you excused yourself and then immediately ran off in the direction he had headed just moments before.

You were able to locate the trailer simply labeled “MGG” fairly quickly and you cautiously approached the steps leading up to the entrance. Would he even want to see you? Why were you special enough to even be this close to his trailer? Before you could second guess yourself anymore, you speedily climbed the steps and knocked on the door, an action based solely on the fact he was without a doubt upset about something and apparently it was your fault to some degree.

You heard some rustling behind the door before his voice rang out.

“Who is it?”

Shit. He sounded really upset. Pushing aside the anxiety bubbling in your chest, you decided that you were curious more than anything and wanted to know what you had done to get his panties in such a twist.

“I-It’s Y/N.”

Immediately the door swung open, making you jump slightly. Without saying a word, he grabbed your arm and dragged you over the threshold, handling you like a rag-doll. Once you were inside he released your arm and began pacing around the trailer, breathing pretty heavily. Maybe it was a mistake coming here. You thought you should probably go and leave him alone for a bit so he could cool off.

“I-I shouldn’t have come here. I’ll leave you be”, you sputtered out, quickly making your way towards the exit. However, before you could even reach the door, his deep voice echoed through the trailer.

“Why did you let him touch you like that?”

You froze mid-step, unsure of how to respond. “Huh?” Wow, nice going Y/N. Really scraped the dictionaries for that one.

“Shemar. Why did you let him put his hands on you and touch you like that?” As he spoke his question, he slowly moved towards you, like a predator eyeing its prey. What was he talking about? Why did he care that you and Shemar had shared a brief hug? And most perplexing of all, why in the hell was he looking at you with such fire in his eyes.

“I-I don’t know what you mean Matthew.”

After his name fell from your lips, you saw his mouth twitch as he moved to close the gap between the two of you, leaving just enough space that your breaths intermingled, but no actual physical contact was occuring. 

“You’re mine, Y/N. You. Are. Mine.” What did he just say? Were you imagining this whole situation in some sick dream of yours? Your brain was struggling to catch up.

“What are you even talki-.”

Before you could finish your sentence, Matthew had surged forward, clashing his mouth against yours, hungrily devouring your lips like they were his favorite meal. You moaned at the contact, letting the shock envelope your entire body. He was ravenous, tongue pressing against your lips, begging for entry. Finally processing what the hell was happening, your mouth quickly opened and welcomed his needy tongue, feeling it tangle with yours as he released the most delicious moan you had ever heard in all the years you had been alive. His hands moved frantically, hastily ripping at the clothes covering your body, desperate to feel any part of you that he could. 

You couldn’t even comprehend how this was happening. Matthew wanted you? Not only did he want you, but he was acting on it too. Fuck. He had said you were his. Did he really mean that?

Breaking away from your lips to pull your blouse over your head, you could’ve sworn you heard a growl escape his throat as his eyes hungrily drank in your appearance, left only in your bra and panties. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous. How are you so fucking hot?” Holy shit. The pure lust that dripped in his words made your legs feel like Jell-O, barely keeping it together as he shed his own shirt and began unbuckling his belt. Apparently that was what caused the wire in your brain to snap, your body surging forward to reconnect your lips and rake your nails down his chest.

“Please Matthew”, you whined, not even entirely sure what you wanted him to do. You just needed more.

Groaning at the desperation evident in your voice, he let his hand drift down your body, toying with the waistband of your panties. “Please what? What do you want from me, sweetheart?” His words made you whimper, grasping his hand to try and maneuver it underneath the damp fabric covering the place you needed him most.

“Uh uh uh. I want you to use your words princess. You can do that for me can’t you?”

Nodding your head fervently, you pushed aside any embarrassment you felt and answered almost immediately as the words left his mouth. “I want you to touch me! Please Matthew, I’m begging you!” As soon as you finished your desperate plea, his nimble fingers had ripped your panties down your legs and he was guiding you towards the couch conveniently located nearby. The two of you stumbled onto the cushions, Matthew hovering over you pinning you down, his large erection pressing into your thigh through his pants. You choked on a breath as one of his long, narrow fingers entered you swiftly, pumping in and out of you at a brutal pace, soon followed by two more. You were a whimpering mess as Matthew had his way with you, perfectly curling his fingers to hit your special spot over and over again. You needed him inside of you now or you were gonna explode.

“You’re so wet sweetheart. This all for me”, he questioned cockily, savoring the sounds pouring from your lips, cherishing the way your body writhed underneath his. 

“Yes Matthew! It’s all for you. Only you”, your words were accompanied by a long, drawn out moan. 

“Good girl”, he growled as his fingers picked up their pace, pushing you dangerously close to the edge. Matthew must have picked up on the fact based on the way your muscles were clenching around his digits and the way your breath was becoming more and more labored. 

“That’s it, baby. Come for me, little girl. Come all over my fingers.” His graphic words made your eyes roll back in your head as you felt your orgasm crash through your body, Matthew continuing his ministrations throughout the entirety of it. As you came down from your high and opened your eyes, you were met with the beautiful vision of Matthew sucking your juices off of himself, staring intently at you with lust-filled eyes. “Mmmm, so fucking sweet baby”, he moaned as he licked the last bit away. Realizing you simply couldn’t wait any longer, you grabbed onto his forearm, pulling him to you as close as physically possible. 

“Matthew I need you inside of me right now. Please. Please, I need you.” You felt like you were on the verge of crying, you were so damn desperate for him. You didn’t miss the way his eyes instantly darkened even more after hearing you beg him to fuck you so viscerally. 

“Baby, I really want to feel you bouncing on my cock. Can you do that? Can you ride me like a good girl, sweetheart?”

Not even bothering to answer his questioning, you mustered up all of your strength to push him up and off of you, allowing yourself to straddle him on one of the cushions. You made quick work unzipping his pants and signalling for him to lift up his hips, allowing you to hastily pull down both his slacks and boxers in one go. God, you were so fucking horny and needy for the man in front of you, you felt like you were going insane. Actually, scratch that. You were already long gone. Finally having removed the last barrier between the two of you, his strong hands grabbed your hips and positioned you over his throbbing cock, slowly letting you lower yourself down. Both of you released matching groans at the overwhelming feeling. 

“Fuck, princess. You feel so fucking amazing”, he moaned before gently grasping your hips, encouraging you to start moving. You couldn’t control the string of whimpers that escaped your mouth as you started circling your hips, gradually picking up your pace. It felt so fucking good, incomparible to anything you had ever felt before. As your speed increased and he began thrusting upwards to meet you, his hands reached behind you, finding the clasp of your bra, practically ripping the garment off of your body. Without any barrier blocking your breasts, he sat back and ogled you as they bounced in sync with your rapid movements, eventually needing more and grabbing the pillowy flesh with his wandering hands. The stimulation only made you move faster, desperate for the addicting friction that you could feel radiating throughout your whole being. You felt Matthew’s grip on your hips tighten exponentially, in order to get your undivided attention. 

“I bet you thought you looked real cute flirting with him like that, didn’t you princess”, he sputtered, his voice strained and hoarse. The sound of it made your insides quiver even more.

“I-I wasn’t f-flirting. I w-was just being n-nice”, you stammered, feeling your climax slowly building more and more with each thrust. He growled and immediately picked up the pace, speaking his next words clearly for you to understand. “That’s bullshit baby and you know it. Do you really think he could fuck you like this, sweetheart? Do you think his cock could fill you up this perfectly? Make you feel the way I do?” 

“N-Noooo! No, of course not. I only want you!” You were a moaning, whimpering mess as you gripped his shoulders trying to maintain your balance, his thrusts launching you into a whole other universe. “What was that, little girl? I couldn’t really hear you.”

“Fuck! Matthew! I only want you! There’s no one else!” You couldn’t control yourself any longer. You lost the ability to move as he wrapped his arms around your waist, slamming into you so fucking hard you swore you could see stars. 

“There better fucking not be, little girl. You are mine, sweetheart. All fucking mine. Mine!” His words make the chord in your stomach snap, your climax overtaking your body dangerously fast. “MATTHEW!” Your vision was spotty, muscles clenched incredibly tight, when you felt his cock start to twitch violently inside of you. 

“Fuck! Y/N! Oh my god!” As soon as the words left his mouth, you felt his cum fill you up completely, warmth radiating throughout your body as his dick pulsated inside of you. 

You collapsed against his sweaty frame, holding on for dear life. “Matthew, Matthew, Matthew”, you muttered as you fought to regulate your breathing. Both of you were shaking, thanks to the world-shattering orgasams you had just experienced, his hands gently rubbing your back, soothing you. “Shhhhhh, breathe little girl”, he whispered so warmly it made butterflies bloom in your stomach, a stark contrast to the way he was speaking moments ago. 

Pulling yourself upright, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from his. After a few seconds had passed, a huge grin slowly formed on his beautiful face, letting out a light giggle. “Hey.”

Feeling a smile form on your own face from his silliness, you couldn’t help but fall for him even more. “Hi”, you shyly responded, reaching up to poke the dimple that was visible on his face, giggling when he playfully stuck his tongue out, trying to reach your finger with it. Completely absorbed in the moment, you had forgotten that he was still inside of you and you were probably hurting him, not that he was gonna complain. You slowly lifted yourself off of him, both of you wincing slightly at the sensation. He immediately pulled you back to him afterwards and continued to rub your back like he had before. It was so comforting, you were scared you were gonna fall asleep in his lap, which you pretty quickly concluded wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, noticing the way his eyes seemed to droop as well.

As you felt yourself starting to drift off, you heard his soothing voice near your ear. “I’m really sorry I got so rough Y/N. I didn’t mean to act like that. I just got so jealous seeing you with him and I didn’t know how to control my emotions. I didn’t know how to tell you how I felt.” He sounded genuinely sad when he spoke, the guilt evident in his quiet voice.

“Matthew, baby, don’t be sorry, ok? I really enjoyed every second of it, I promise. As for Shemar...you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I’ve only ever had eyes for you. You’re kind of stuck with me Gube.” You felt the chuckle vibrate through his body at your words and you lazily smiled against his chest.

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” You heard him hesitate and you wondered if he was going to finish his thought, hopefully before you knocked out cold. “Would you-would you maybe want to go out with me this weekend? Like on a-a date? You felt your heart swell in your chest at his question and slowly nodded against him. 

“I would love that, Matthew.”

Cherishing the feeling of holding each other in your arms, the two of you quickly succumbed to the drowsiness, falling into the most comfortable slumber you had ever experienced.

Tag List: @hopebaker​ @pastathighs​ @psychedellic-phase​ @gloryekaterina​ @sleepysnapesnake​ @racharr​ @etherealgubler​ @furiouspartyrebelhoagie​ @andiebeaword​ @liaabsurd​ @cielo1984​ @starkeybaby​ @rainsong01​ @moonlight-jukebox ​ @victomizedbyreginageorge

[chayacat]

Devil’s Sweet Star (18)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader  

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut  

***

Life is like an endless road. Sprinkled with pitfalls, choices, regrets, happiness, doubts... so many things that could keep you going... or to end the journey permanently. At every important moment, two paths are open to you. and every path you take will have consequences. This is called the butterfly effect.

But when you look at Danny's life, you quickly notice that he continues on his way even though it should have stopped. Already just during his childhood, he escaped death twice. The violence he suffered because of his "father" almost cost him his life. then when he lost Carla. At first, our dear assassin wanted to end his life before changing his mind at the last moment, feeling unable to do so. That's when the truth came out. That's when his life took a whole different path. And the rest you know.

And there... there is another way opens up. The path you've opened. But how far will this path go? Only time will tell. But one thing is certain: Jed will have to disappear. Danny still can't believe you prefer Jed to him. Such a boring life is almost unbearable! While a life with him... exciting, dangerous is what makes him feel alive! We're going to have to really work on that. As for McKellan.... his time is running out now.

It's all set. All that remains is to wait. Once the discord between him and Hoggins gets to a certain point.... He will strike. It is not in his style or in his habit to blame someone else. But he has to admit that it was fun to make Wilhelm go around in circles. He couldn't wait to see his face when he found out that Danny had put him on a false trail.

“A little romantic dinner, huh? I knew that under those glasses and that nerd look there was a romantic boy.” said Melinda suddenly, bringing Danny out of his thoughts.

Oh, that's right. Have dinner. With you. He sent you a message to see if you'd prefer a restaurant or a meal at his house. And your answer was not long in coming, with a nice touch of humour, you told him that you would like to taste his cooking.  He is not a great Michelin-starred chef but for you he will be able to make a meal worthy of the greatest restaurants. And with a little luck... he will be able to enjoy the softness and warmth of your body for the night... what? Don't forget that he is a man, above all! A man with needs... important carnal needs.

“I may be a nerd, but I'm not an idiot either. And then it was you who told me that I had to think more often about my personal life than professional, right?” said Danny scratching his head.  

“that’s true, but I didn't think you'd listen to me. And also, at home. this story could end well ... If you know what I mean.”  

“Not on the first night. That's not her style. Plus, we're not really ... Together. Maybe tonight will be the beginning of a relationship but... It can also be an embarrassing misunderstanding. I'm not sure it's reciprocal. She can always change her mind...

“Don't start telling you that the war is lost if you haven't fought in one battle! You don't know anything and that's normal! tonight it will be the perfect opportunity for both of you to be sure that it is reciprocal. And if that's the case... then this may be the best night of your life.” replied Melina seriously.

“Yeah, you’re right. I'll see what happens tonight. the boss's plan seems to be working. Apparently Hoggins is going to press charges against the Georgia newspaper. And he's not even aware that we've published it.” said Danny, re-placing his glasses properly.

“The most amazing thing about all this is that Hoggins has a tooth against McKellan! Apparently, he thinks he was the one who sold the wick to the journalist. it's going to create tension...” said Mattew, stretching his arms.

“That's going to spice things up. It can only be beneficial to us. Now don't make mistakes. If hoggins learn that it is us and that in addition they were stolen from his home ... we can say goodbye to life.” said Melina.

Jed nod while Danny smiled slyly. He will be dead long before he tries anything. Because of course Hoggins is going to die. When and how Danny doesn't know, but one thing's for sure: he'll kill him. Then maybe he will consider living somewhere else... You never know. and if he could take you with him... that would be the icing on the cake. He can't wait to see you tonight. More than ever. He wonders what you're going to wear... something soft for sure.  

But it won't be the most interesting... the most interesting will be how the evening will end... He took the opportunity to bite into one of your pastries, since your reopening, you provide the newspaper with pastries and coffee. and everyone appreciates it! But Hembrook is the greediest. His personal order was rather.... Long. the latter passed through the offices, a brownie in hand before stopping in front of our trio.

“Don't forget you have a Ghostface article to write! I'm counting on you my little Jed to get a quality article!” He said with a proud smile.  

“Of course, sir. You can count on me, I'm on my way.” respond Danny with a smile.  

“This little bandit of Wilhelm does not give us much info. Did you find anything on your side?”

“Well... I shouldn't talk to you about it but... I found pictures... really horrible pictures... I didn't think he could do that. I... I dropped them off at your office.. So, you can see it for yourself. But I don't mean to offend you... you had a criminal among your employees.” replied Danny, holding back from smiling.

Two actually, but that, old man, you don't know. Because compared to Mike, Danny is a real cover-up pro.

“Yes... I can imagine the worst. Even though he was a drug addict, I can't even imagine what kind of crap he was doing. I'll be in my office. By the way, you'll tell your friend that I love her cakes! I'll pay for it at the end of the month. At work little kids!

Danny and the others resumed their work, the latter working to catch his article about the drug dealer they recently found. With Mike's murder, it's a big job but it doesn't scare our young reporter. All he cares about is your little face-to-face tonight. Just him and you... both in the same room. The little rabbit trapped by the big bad wolf.

The day passed quickly, the lunch break allowing everyone to take a breather, Danny took the opportunity to watch what he could cook you tonight. A Milanese cutlet with spaghetti was his final choice. He has everything at home to do them. What? Did you expect him to have only sandwiches and ready meals? Danny is a fine mouth and he likes to cook despite his ...bloody inclination. and you're going to be able to see his culinary skills tonight. Actually, Jed's skills from your point of view.

He has to make his alter ego disappear. once and for all. He was tired of being the nice little Jed Olsen. He wanted to be himself. He left his job and came to pick you up as usual. You were exhausted but delighted with this little meal between you. The way home was a laughing as usual and you separated in front of your apartment doors. Danny had three hours in front of him to prepare dinner. He's got plenty of time.

He put his things in his office, took a change, and went to take a good shower. hey he must be presentable tonight! no glasses, no hair tied, it's a very different "Jed" that you're going to see tonight. He left the bathroom, wearing a short-sleeved black T-shirt, black jeans, and grey sneakers. Well, they were white at the base but ... let's say that time has done its work. He was handsome, he knew how to showcase himself, without any artifice. Natural beauty is all that attracted him and made him attractive.

He began to prepare the meal, being careful not to be wrong. He has to make a good impression! if he has calculated his shot correctly, he will have to cook everything when you are there. He'll have a good half hour of conversation with you before he gets to the table. everything was calculated, like his murders. I told you, Danny is meticulously meticulous. Once the meal was ready, just waiting to be baked, Danny prepared the table, simple, sober, but effective. He opened a bottle of wine and tasted it before he smiled. A quality wine for a quality meal.

He placed the bottle on the table and checked that everything was in place and once that was done, made sure that the door of his office was locked. We never know, curiosity is a nasty flaw, and nothing says you won't try to get into it. He barely had time to return to the drawing-room, when he heard knocking at the door. A sneaky smile came to his lips. It's time.

He opened the door, and what he saw left him speechless. You had styled your hair in a beautiful bun, leaving two thin strands of your hair on either side of your face. You had very slightly made-up, very discreet that it does not even seem that you have any. You were dressed in a white and blue striped dress, flesh-colored tights and small navy-blue ballerinas. An angel, you were an angel. And visibly, Danny didn't leave you indifferent either.

“You’re...you’re beautiful.” said Danny, regaining his spirits.

“So are you. I wonder if I'm at the right address. What did you do with the real Jed Olsen?” You said laughing, making Danny laugh at the same time.

“Oh, let's say that when night comes, the little nerd I am is giving way to a perfect gentleman. Especially when I'm in perfect and charming company. But come in, please. The evening will be more pleasant inside than in front of my doormat.”  

“Thank you, my dear little gentleman.” you replied, coming in while Danny smiles slyly, closing the door behind you.  

“dinner is practically ready, but I'm saying we could... chat a little bit. Unless you're really hungry and then I better cook everything before you become a little demonic creature.”

“Really Funny Jed, don’t worry I'm not like Mattew. By the way, everyone enjoyed my cakes?”

“Yeah, especially Mr Hembrook, he's a real glutton, you would have seen him he wouldn't have stopped if you'd brought him more. But keep it to yourself, he's supposed to be watching his line. In fact, his wife does it for him. I met her once and I can confirm that these two there was meant to be together, they are literally day and night. But as they say, opposites attract each other, don't they?”

“It’s true. Melina told me that... that we were all connected to our soulmate in one way or another. and that all our lives we were guided to him or her. After that is it true ... In a sense when I think of my parents, or the Lawsons, I tell myself that it's true. But when I see some couple separating after years of married life.... I tell myself that it doesn't necessarily work every time. Or that we wanted to thwart fate and it put us back on the right path.” You answer shrugging your shoulders, looking at him.  

“Sure...Well, Can I have a drink for you? If I remember correctly, you are not very friendly with alcohol then... Can I buy you a cup of tea? You'll still drink wine at least? just have a drink if you really don't want to, to make me happy.” He asks smiling.

“Yes, for the tea, and just one glass of wine, to make you happy.” You respond, smiling in return.  

Danny serves you a small cup of tea and then give it to you before serving himself and sitting on the couch. You join him and talk for a good half hour. You discuss everything, Danny of his work, you of yours, recalling your little feat of yesterday. Danny smiled, the thought of you mastering this poor fool made him laugh inwardly. Who would have thought that this fragile little body was capable of such a thing? After this half hour of discussions, he got up and put the cutlets into the oven. He pulled out a jug of water that he had put in the fridge, to place it on the table on your side. He then turned on the pan where the spaghetti has cooked to warm them up a little before serving on the plate. Once the cutlets were cooked, he placed them gently on the plate and took them to serve on the table.

“I'm not a great Michelin-starred chef but... I hope you like it.” He said scratching his head.  

“Oh, come on! I'm sure it's very good! Don't underestimate yourself like that! and at worst... You'll be my guinea pig for the next three months.” You respond laughing.

“Well, if it means free cakes...Why not?”

You start eating and he's taking only a bite to congratulate Danny, or rather Jed on his meal. Jed smiled as Danny smiled more widely, of course his cooking was good. He told you, you would be treated like a queen if you preferred him to Jed. The meal went in good spirits, from the dish to the dessert.

“It was really delicious Jed. Thank you. It's been a long time since I've had a... one-on-one with someone. If we ignore the meal, we made at the Chinese restaurant of course. And in the end, you do very well in the kitchen ... Carla was really lucky to have you.” you said smiling.

“Carla taught me everything. If she hadn't helped me with cooking, I would have been a great instant noodle addict.” Danny responds.  

“... There's something I'd like to talk to you about. It's... It's about the two of us. I... I know you can't turn the page since... I mean, you know. But lately, we've both shown signs of affection...”

“We kissed. Twice. The first time was you and the second time was me. And you wonder if... if it's reciprocal on my side. You want to know for sure.” Replied Danny rising from his chair to stand beside you, his eyes staring at yours. He laughs slightly, seeing you nodding, blushing.  “It's true that... I'm having a hard time moving on. Carla... was everything to me. She was the only one who didn't treat me like... someone different. And since we've known each other, I've felt that way again. So, if that can answer your question...”  

He kissed you, without warning, and this time the kiss lasted longer. The softness of her lips added to the softness of his... It's a double feeling of silk touch, both for him and for you. As he was about to release you, Danny was surprised when, against all odds, you kissed him again, not wanting to let go of his lips for a second. Both eventually backed off and a smile was exchanged between the two of you.

“Is that okay with that answer?” he simply asks.

“Yes. You know I don't promise to be the perfect girlfriend...”

“I don’t promise to be the perfect boyfriend too. We're probably going to fight one day. For anything and everything. But know that if you have problems ... I'll be there. I won't let anyone near you. To hurt you, of course.”

“Me too. I... I’m started to be tired. I'm going to go to bed.” you replied, rising up and starting to walk you to the door. Danny hugged you and kissed you one last time.

“Good night my love. Have sweet dreams.” He simply said.

He let you go and addressed his angelic smile when you close the door. He cleared it all, wash the dishes, changed and went to bed. Looking at the ceiling he let himself be dragged by sleep. No stalking tonight. But in his mind one thing was clear:

When it all ends. When no one is on his way, whether it's McKellan, Hoggins, or those who will approach you... He'll have to be the only one in your eyes. Jed will have to disappear.  

FOREVER.

***

(Done! well I took my time and start writing only since Wednesday, but I did it! I hope you’ll like it like the others! time for me to rest this week-end! have a good week-end everyone! See ya!)

[seafleece]

veth, the mother (figure)

you know, maybe i should have known better than to think i could do anything but fully flesh out my veth meta for everyone before going to bed, because i meant to address how fast people are to defend veth and that’s, like, exactly what happened.

i think veth is incredibly interesting. i think she’s a character for whom you have to do a lot of digging to get at what she thinks and feels, and how that’s really different from what she actually expresses. i want to look at veth critically, and i’m not willing to sit and let people tell me that it means that i hate her or want to misrepresent her, because i don’t.

here’s the interesting thing about veth and showing maternal love: she does show maternal love. maternal love is shown towards the people she has decided are her children, and that’s the mighty nein and luc. but maternal love isn’t suddenly perfect because it’s maternal (and, not to mention, veth hasn’t spent all of luc’s life with him. not even half.) other than caleb, veth tends to act, especially with fjord and beau, the exact way that mothers are with older/adult kids: they don’t know how to show they care (this is compounded especially by the fact that she didn’t know them as young kids, and that she has to balance feeling maternal with being an equal to them in the group at times), and can end up hurting their kids a lot. veth admitting that she really does care about fjord stands out not just because of the scene they were in, but because it was the first time she did that. (it’s really interesting to me that a) she didn’t apologize, and b) she used strength as an excuse to call fjord weak. yes, it’s interesting rhetorically, but if veth is the established mother figure of the group, why would fjord absorb the idea that he’s strong if veth has continuously called him weak? how could he possibly be expected to extrapolate that from what veth’s said to him, and how can we expect that her re-framing every time she’s insulted him should be enough to make him feel better?) 

veth has been and continues, if a little less now, to be openly rude and hurtful to beau, and the instance where jester defended beau to her sticks out to me a lot for so many reasons. jester loves beau almost in the exact opposite way that veth loves beau, and i think it’s one of the biggest rifts in their relationship, especially because veth does the least to acknowledge how beau actually acts. veth calls beau abrasive-- she says beau is awful to talk to or look at--- but, you know, motherly love, right? and beau doesn’t argue. she just gets sad and angry, and lets jester defend her instead. that doesn’t really gel with what veth just called her, does it? and veth didn’t apologize to beau before the ritual, no, she specifically pointed to the fact that she appreciates beau protecting caleb. no apology for believing in beau the least. i think veth does care about beau a lot, i think they have an interesting mother-daughter dynamic in addition to their new dynamic as 2/3 of the chaos crew, and that veth really has the chance to explicitly care for beau the way beau’s parents didn’t, but boy howdy, she doesn’t take it too much, huh? how much have veth’s words, about beau not being pretty, about beau being rude, echoed what beau’s parents have said to her? that, i think, is why she feels the least comfortable pushing back against it. (more depressingly, it’s impossible to separate the way people in fanon just accept that the worst about beau must be true from the fact that she is a butch lesbian of color, and i wish there was any recognition for it. it’s really not cute. in character it sucks in an interesting and resolvable way if there’s acknowledgement that veth doesn’t understand beau and isn’t trying very hard and has the potential to do otherwise, but ooc it scares me. a lot.) things are easier between them now that she understands beau as incredibly important to jester, who she cares for in a different way, but they would not be close were it not for jester, and it doesn’t mean she’s apologized.

now, caleb. the line veth rides between seeing caleb as her son and being attracted to him is really fascinating (and, uh. really weird), and i think has to do with how veth views herself as either allowed or not allowed to experience attraction based on whether she’s nott or veth, but more on that in another post. as a mother figure, veth very notably doesn’t treat caleb as an older kid she doesn’t know how to connect to properly. she treats caleb as someone she needs to protect. caleb’s squishy, so it’s okay if she steals from other people to give him things that will help him, because he needs to be safe. it’s okay if other people get hurt if it means she’s keeping him safe. veth’s protectiveness of and love for caleb doesn’t provide an example of how loving she is to everyone. it’s an example of how much she can love a person, and what she’ll do when she does love someone to that extent. she loves jester in the same way, and what’s especially interesting is that this is what changes her perception of the people that jester or caleb are close to. essek’s nice and wonderful when he and caleb are getting along, but essek needs punishment now that he’s hurt caleb. (i already addressed this, but veth’s motivations for punishing essek aren’t, at least not primarily, because he committed war crimes, but because he put her and her kids in danger, because he obviously hurt caleb. she literally offered to keep the war going to isharnai, she offered to commit war crimes herself-- we cannot kid ourselves that her vitriol towards essek is somehow altruistic when this is the case). if caleb is veth’s kid, essek is the friend who came over for a playdate that now needs to go home because he pushed caleb over. beau, on the other hand, is a good example of what happens when veth does change her mind about someone because the person she feels protective of cares about them. chaos crew wouldn’t exist if jester wasn’t the glue connecting beau to nott, and nott’s eased off a lot in talking badly about beau because she knows jester loves beau, and it’s a combination of “beau can stay because jester wants her to” and “maybe jester can see something in beau that i haven’t, and maybe i should try to see it”. it gives me a lot of hope in how veth will come to view essek, but it’s not quite the same. moreover, veth has the potential to hurt caleb and jester the most by protecting them and pushing other people away or making certain decisions in order to do so-- she sees her drinking as something she needs to do to be on her guard, to be able to fight with the rest of them, and her long dialogue with jester about this and her eventual decision to try to break her habits is really indicative, to me, of how much she can change for the people she loves, but also how hard it will be for her. as for caleb, i think veth hurt caleb a lot by explicitly talking about how essek should be punished, because she loves caleb, and gets that caleb likes essek, but doesn’t realize the degree to which caleb sees himself as essek, and how her condemnation of essek can read like condemnation of caleb. i’m anticipating a conversation where caleb asks veth or otherwise mentions that if essek is a criminal who should be punished, why shouldn’t he, and i think he’ll get support in that from yasha, who clearly feels similar.

i don’t want to talk about veth as a character who can’t change-- i want to talk about veth as a character who hasn’t changed much because her goal this campaign until now hasn’t been to move forward, but to return, and some things she could let herself ascribe to the way she felt as nott but seem to have stubbornly persisted because they’re not things created in her by becoming nott, they’re things she actually thinks and feels. i think she’s a mother figure in the way that real people are mother figures: they mess up, they do wrong by their children in their attempts to do right, and it’s easy to devalue anyone who isn’t one of their children because their children need protecting first. veth’s maternal love isn’t an argument against her as a flawed character and as one whose view of punishment doesn’t quite fit with how she views her children. i’m of the opinion that it’s an argument for it.

[surprisebitch]

My 10 All-time Fave Anime

I first wanna get it out there that there is still a lot of anime I plan to watch and have yet to finish. This current top 10 all-time fave list is based from anime I have completed. I am currently watching a lot of anime, so this list could potentially change!

Each synopsis comes from MyAnimeList. Here’s my profile if you’re interested, and feel free to send a friend request!

Anyway, onto the list! This is not in order btw, just 10 titles!

My 10 All-time Fave Anime

1. Given (2019)

Tightly clutching his Gibson guitar, Mafuyu Satou steps out of his dark apartment to begin another day of his high school life. While taking a nap in a quiet spot on the gymnasium staircase, he has a chance encounter with fellow student Ritsuka Uenoyama, who berates him for letting his guitar’s strings rust and break. Noticing Uenoyama’s knowledge of the instrument, Satou pleads for him to fix it and to teach him how to play. Uenoyama eventually agrees and invites him to sit in on a jam session with his two band mates: bassist Haruki Nakayama and drummer Akihiko Kaji.

Satou’s voice is strikingly beautiful, filling Uenoyama with the determination to make Satou the lead singer of the band. Though reticent at first, Satou takes the offer after an emotional meeting with an old friend. With the support of his new friends, Satou must not only learn how to play guitar, but also come to terms with the mysterious circumstances that led him to be its owner.

2. Rurouni Kenshin (1996)

In the final years of the Bakumatsu era lived a legendary assassin known as Hitokiri Battousai. Feared as a merciless killer, he was unmatched throughout the country, but mysteriously disappeared at the peak of the Japanese Revolution. It has been ten peaceful years since then, but the very mention of Battousai still strikes terror into the hearts of war veterans.

Unbeknownst to them, Battousai has abandoned his bloodstained lifestyle in an effort to repent for his sins, now living as Kenshin Himura, a wandering swordsman with a cheerful attitude and a strong will. Vowing never to kill again, Kenshin dedicates himself to protecting the weak. One day, he stumbles across Kaoru Kamiya at her kendo dojo, which is being threatened by an impostor claiming to be Battousai. After receiving help from Kenshin, Kaoru allows him to stay at the dojo, and so the former assassin temporarily ceases his travels.

Rurouni Kenshin: Meiji Kenkaku Romantan tells the story of Kenshin as he strives to save those in need of saving. However, as enemies from both past and present begin to emerge, will the reformed killer be able to uphold his new ideals?

3. Assassination Classroom (2015)

When a mysterious creature chops the moon down to a permanent crescent, the students of class 3-E of Kunugigaoka Middle School find themselves confronted with an enormous task: assassinate the creature responsible for the disaster before Earth suffers a similar fate. However, the monster, dubbed Koro-sensei (the indestructible teacher), is able to fly at speeds of up to Mach 20, which he demonstrates freely, leaving any attempt to subdue him in his extraterrestrial dust. Furthermore, the misfits of 3-E soon find that the strange, tentacled beast is more than just indomitable—he is the best teacher they have ever had.

Adapted from the humorous hit manga by Yuusei Matsui, Ansatsu Kyoushitsu tells the story of these junior high pupils as they polish their assassination skills and grow in order to stand strong against the oppressive school system, their own life problems, and one day, Koro-sensei.

4. My Hero Academia (2016)

The appearance of “quirks,” newly discovered super powers, has been steadily increasing over the years, with 80 percent of humanity possessing various abilities from manipulation of elements to shapeshifting. This leaves the remainder of the world completely powerless, and Izuku Midoriya is one such individual.

Since he was a child, the ambitious middle schooler has wanted nothing more than to be a hero. Izuku’s unfair fate leaves him admiring heroes and taking notes on them whenever he can. But it seems that his persistence has borne some fruit: Izuku meets the number one hero and his personal idol, All Might. All Might’s quirk is a unique ability that can be inherited, and he has chosen Izuku to be his successor!

Enduring many months of grueling training, Izuku enrolls in UA High, a prestigious high school famous for its excellent hero training program, and this year’s freshmen look especially promising. With his bizarre but talented classmates and the looming threat of a villainous organization, Izuku will soon learn what it really means to be a hero.

5. Attack on Titan (2013)

Centuries ago, mankind was slaughtered to near extinction by monstrous humanoid creatures called titans, forcing humans to hide in fear behind enormous concentric walls. What makes these giants truly terrifying is that their taste for human flesh is not born out of hunger but what appears to be out of pleasure. To ensure their survival, the remnants of humanity began living within defensive barriers, resulting in one hundred years without a single titan encounter. However, that fragile calm is soon shattered when a colossal titan manages to breach the supposedly impregnable outer wall, reigniting the fight for survival against the man-eating abominations.

After witnessing a horrific personal loss at the hands of the invading creatures, Eren Yeager dedicates his life to their eradication by enlisting into the Survey Corps, an elite military unit that combats the merciless humanoids outside the protection of the walls. Based on Hajime Isayama’s award-winning manga, Shingeki no Kyojin follows Eren, along with his adopted sister Mikasa Ackerman and his childhood friend Armin Arlert, as they join the brutal war against the titans and race to discover a way of defeating them before the last walls are breached.

6. Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica (2011)

Madoka Kaname and Sayaka Miki are regular middle school girls with regular lives, but all that changes when they encounter Kyuubey, a cat-like magical familiar, and Homura Akemi, the new transfer student.

Kyuubey offers them a proposition: he will grant any one of their wishes and in exchange, they will each become a magical girl, gaining enough power to fulfill their dreams. However, Homura Akemi, a magical girl herself, urges them not to accept the offer, stating that everything is not what it seems.

A story of hope, despair, and friendship, Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica deals with the difficulties of being a magical girl and the price one has to pay to make a dream come true.

7. Hunter X Hunter (2011)

Hunter x Hunter is set in a world where Hunters exist to perform all manner of dangerous tasks like capturing criminals and bravely searching for lost treasures in uncharted territories. Twelve-year-old Gon Freecss is determined to become the best Hunter possible in hopes of finding his father, who was a Hunter himself and had long ago abandoned his young son. However, Gon soon realizes the path to achieving his goals is far more challenging than he could have ever imagined.

Along the way to becoming an official Hunter, Gon befriends the lively doctor-in-training Leorio, vengeful Kurapika, and rebellious ex-assassin Killua. To attain their own goals and desires, together the four of them take the Hunter Exam, notorious for its low success rate and high probability of death. Throughout their journey, Gon and his friends embark on an adventure that puts them through many hardships and struggles. They will meet a plethora of monsters, creatures, and characters—all while learning what being a Hunter truly means.

8. Ranma ½ (1989)

Ranma Saotome is a top-class martial artist and prodigy at the Saotome “Anything-Goes” school of martial arts. While training in China, he and his father meet a terrible fate when they accidentally fall into a cursed spring. Now, Ranma is cursed to turn into a girl when splashed with cold water, and only hot water can turn him back into a boy.

Things are only complicated further when Ranma discovers that his father has arranged for him to marry one of Soun Tendo’s three daughters in order to secure the future of the Tendo dojo. Though Soun learns of Ranma’s predicament, he is still determined to go ahead with the engagement, and chooses his youngest daughter Akane, who happens to be a skilled martial artist herself and is notorious for hating men.

Ranma ½ follows the hilarious adventures of Ranma and Akane as they encounter various opponents, meet new love interests, and find different ways to make each other angry, all while their engagement hangs over their head.

9. Love Live! School Idol Project (2013)

Otonokizaka High School is in a crisis! With the number of enrolling students dropping lower and lower every year, the school is set to shut down after its current first years graduate. However, second year Honoka Kousaka refuses to let it go without a fight. Searching for a solution, she comes across popular school idol group A-RISE and sets out to create a school idol group of her own. With the help of her childhood friends Umi Sonoda and Kotori Minami, Honoka forms μ’s (pronounced “muse”) to boost awareness and popularity of her school.

Unfortunately, it’s all easier said than done. Student council president Eri Ayase vehemently opposes the establishment of a school idol group and will do anything in her power to prevent its creation. Moreover, Honoka and her friends have trouble attracting any additional members. But the Love Live, a competition to determine the best and most beloved school idol groups in Japan, can help them gain the attention they desperately need. With the contest fast approaching, Honoka must act quickly and diligently to try and bring together a school idol group and win the Love Live in order to save Otonokizaka High School.

10. Demon Slayer (2019)

Ever since the death of his father, the burden of supporting the family has fallen upon Tanjirou Kamado’s shoulders. Though living impoverished on a remote mountain, the Kamado family are able to enjoy a relatively peaceful and happy life. One day, Tanjirou decides to go down to the local village to make a little money selling charcoal. On his way back, night falls, forcing Tanjirou to take shelter in the house of a strange man, who warns him of the existence of flesh-eating demons that lurk in the woods at night.

When he finally arrives back home the next day, he is met with a horrifying sight—his whole family has been slaughtered. Worse still, the sole survivor is his sister Nezuko, who has been turned into a bloodthirsty demon. Consumed by rage and hatred, Tanjirou swears to avenge his family and stay by his only remaining sibling. Alongside the mysterious group calling themselves the Demon Slayer Corps, Tanjirou will do whatever it takes to slay the demons and protect the remnants of his beloved sister’s humanity.

I hope you find something you like here and will check some of my faves out!! ❤️ Let me know if you do and what you think!!! x

[fanficsforheartandsoul]

The Smuggler | [Fem!Twi’lek!Reader x Din Djarin] | The Mandalorian

Just some side thing I came up with yesterday at 3 am.

Notes: Might turn into a short series, who knows.

Fandom: Star Wars, The Mandalorian

Warnings: Minor Swearing, Original Characters

Summary: Din Djarin hides from some space pirates, he meets Y/N a smuggler and gets to eat something.

Word Count: 2604

The Reader is a Twi’Lek!

Part II

________

It was pure adrenaline that made him do something this irrational. Usually, he would never do things like this, because he had rules. Rules he had broken. Just now. 

Maybe it was because of his pursuers but he couldn't really blame them. There were dozen other places to hide and he just straight up went for the lonely transporter in the hangar. It looked tempting though. With the ship's door wide open, no guards, no droids, literally nobody around. But boy, he was wrong.  

When he ran up the ramp, his child in his arms - yeah, it was his now, blaster in one hand, he didn't expect to almost run into a person. A Twi'lek to be exact. It was a woman with s/c skin and e/c eyes. She wore big googles on her forehead and had oil smudges on her cheeks. He registered all these details but his vision was focused on the two blasters on the stranger's hips.

"Well, what do we have here", was all she said and she grabbed the towl that hung over her shoulder and cleaned her hands.

He didn't reply. Only stood there tensely with his gun still raised but not pointed at her. Yet.

He knew she couldn't see his face but the way she stared at him made him feel strange. He couldn't name what it was but something tingled in his chest.

Shouts and foot steps could be heard from outside of the ship and the Twi'lek raised an eyebrow.

"He went this way! Get this kriffing mandalorian and kill him and his ugly womp rat!"

Her eyes that had stayed focused on his helmet traveled to the little fellow in his arm, who was pressed close to his chest and curiously examined the interior of the transporter.

Even though she had clearly heard that the people outside were looking for him, the woman did not inform his pursuers on his whereabouts. She stayed silent with a slightly amused expression.

The footsteps faded and the ship owner - he assumed it was her transporter - finally spoke again:

"So uh, I assume you don't wanna meet these guys outside?"

He only grunted in response, still tense but a little less since the pirates lost his position. She examined him and the child, who he started to affectionately call Ad'ika, and then leaned on the wall.

"Well... Need anything else? Besides a hiding place I mean."

Her relaxed position seemed strange to him since she didn't know who just burst into her ship and for who knows he might be a criminal with all these people after him. On the other hand, this space station was a safe haven for outlaws so she was probably tougher than she looked like. And he assumed her blasters weren't just for show.

"Ya need a lift? A ticket to Coruscant? Weapons? Spice or... just a glass of water?"

She showed her hand with which she counted all her offers. He realized that she must be a smuggler. The containers around them made sense now.

"I can organize all those things. For some credits obviously. But... I suppose you can get the glass of water for free. Don't wanna be greedy, right?"

He wanted to respond even though he didn't really know what to say but he got interrupted by his child who cooed excitedly at the sight of something behind her. He stretched his little arms and wriggled in Din's hold. A open box behind the Twi'lek caught his eyes. Fruits. Lots of them. His little buddy was hungry and he could feel his hunger too. Thankfully his stomach didn't make any sound. But the woman still caught on.

"Wanna eat something? The "womp rat" looks hungry."

He ignored the slightly mocking tone of her voice and instead focused on her demeanor. He really couldn't believe that she was so calm in this situation. A stranger was on her ship, obviously armed and cautious and she invited him to eat something. He realized that her fearlessness was quite imposing and he decided to put his blaster away.

"I'm sorry... For uh..."

She waved dismissively with her hand and stood back on both of her feet.

"Happens often, the Icarus is attractive, I know."

"The Icarus?"

"My ship. An IC-2100. Garbage but still the apple of my eye."

He just hummed in response. The ship had looked a little tattered when he first noticed it. But weirdly he did see her point when she called it attractive.

"I'm Y/N by the way, Y/N L/N."

"Nice to meet you", he said after a few seconds contemplating if he should introduce himself. She smiled at him, then turned around and went deeper into the ship. He followed a few steps behind while the child in his arms watched the box with the fruits longingly.

They went into a lounge and he could see an open kitchen with a counter. On the counter laid credits, some empty cans and a bowl with blue grapes. Wriggling and shifting signalized that the green baby was ready to jump out of his arms just to reach those snacks.

Din hesitated but then the Twi'lek wordlessly took the bowl with fruit and put them on the round table that was next to the counter. He sat down slowly on the semicircular bench that went around the table and his Ad'ika was ready to dig in.

"He or she can have these. Can you eat fried mynock?"

He paused. He could. But the creed sai-

"Don't worry, you can eat in peace. I still need to do some repair work."

It was like she read his mind. Y/N seemed to know his culture to an extent and he was thankful for that. He wouldn't have explained it, he'd rather starve.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

The woman went to work and while she cooked Din inspected the lounge closer. There were things littered everywhere. He saw tools and random metal rods, there was a jukebox in the corner and a torn republic flag hung on the wall. It was clustered but in a strange way it felt cosy.

He watched how his foundling gulped down the grapes with an unbelievable speed and how his cheeks grew bigger when he couldn't keep up with swallowing all the grapes he shoved inside his mouth. A nice feeling washed over him and he admitted to himself that the sight was...adorable.

"Wanna tell me why Garka's Boys were hunting you?"

Y/N was standing with her back to him and fried the Myrnock flesh in a pan. The fact that she knew who was after him, made him cautious again. His hands found his gun holster.

"That son of bitch is always causing trouble. It's my last stop here for a long time. As long as Garka and his crew are staying here, I ain't coming back."

Her tone was laced with disgust and he remembered the slaves he saw when he was face to face with the Rattataki. His hand relaxed. She really wasn't an enemy as far as he could say.

"He put up a bounty. I brought it to him but he wasn't satisfied so I shot some of his men."

His explanation was short and had a certain tone that signalized that he wouldn't reveal more but the Twi'lek seemed to be alright with that.

Silence once again fell over them but the mandalorian didn't mind. He closed his eyes for a second and breathed slowly in and out. The myrnock meat sizzled in the pan and its delicious smell made his stomach growl.

-

"..ey. Hey, Mando."

A voice woke him and he shot up from his seat. His eyes were bleary from the short nap and he was quite shocked that he had been so tired. But being a babysitter for his magic wielding child could be exhausting.

Incidentally, his foundling wasn't on his lap anymore. He sat on the table in front of the Twi'lek who had just brought a plate with the fried myrnock. She set it down in front of the mandalorian and he breathed in to smell. He hadn't eaten it yet but it smelled delicious.

"Your little guy is special, huh."

This remark made him sit up straighter. Did she find out while he was asleep? He watched the child who in return stared at him cutely. Trying to be as adorable as possible, huh.

"He's already wrapped myself around his little finger. He's too cute for his own good."

Y/N smiled down at his child and the little womp rat cooed excitedly and stretched his arms as if he wanted her to carry him. Din knew that he could feel to some extent if a person meant bad news or not, so he relaxed some more in the woman's presence. She had a certain look in her eyes that was filled with some kind of longing but she didn't say anything. Instead, she stood up again and pointed to the back of the ship where he assumed where the cargo hold was.

"Like I said, I gotta do some repair work. You can eat in peace. But..."

She had already turned and walked some steps when she paused and then faced him again. Her eyes were piercing now when she stared at him and he could feel a shiver going down his spine.

"Do not steal anything. You will regret it."

Her threat was real, he knew it. He just nodded and she seemed satisfied with that response. Y/N turned around and left.

He waited some more seconds then he carefully took of his helmet and his child, who had turned around to look at him giggled. "Hey, Ad'ika." Din didn't really want to admit it to himself but he had started talking to the little boy who was always cooing or babbling in response. Maybe he became a little lonely after he left Cara and Greef.

He began to eat and he wasn't any better than his child. He gobbled down his food with an impressive speed but that wasn't only because he was hungry. He just didn't know when the smuggler would come back. Also, it was delicious as hell.

His thoughts turned to the woman who cooked this food for him. He had registered it when he almost crashed into her but now that he thought about it, Y/N was pretty. Really pretty. Her eyes were charming and the spark in them was exciting. The marks on her lekkus were something he had never seen before and her full lips who were slightly darker than her skin tone gave her an alluring appearance. Also the guns. He realized it and groaned. He was smitten. By a random woman on a dangerous space station.

It was the first time where he actually felt immediate attraction to a person he had just met. Obviously he knew nothing about her but the way she carried herself, her carefree but kind and strong attitude, made his heart flutter. Now that he thought about it. His heart hadn't fluttered in years. At least not in that way. It made him uncomfortable.

The mandalorian finished his last scoop and leaned back. A satisfied sigh left his mouth and his clan member babbled excitedly. He lifted him up and put him on his lap. The child squealed and his tiny hands grasped his cloak and hugged him. He melted right then and there. He returned the hug but he froze immediately when he saw someone standing in the doorway from which Y/N and him had come from.

It was a brown-haired man but his eyes were covered by some kind of veil and nasty scars traveled across his cheeks and forehead. He wore long grey robes and held a bag in his hands.

"Who are you?"

Din completely ignored the question. His thoughts were racing and his emotions were like a cocktail. He was angry at himself that he had let his guard down, angry at Y/N because she didn't tell him that there might be others coming but most of all he felt crushed. According to the creed he would never be able to put his helmet on again. All his strength seemed to leave him and he sank into the bench.

"I cannot see you but I know you are there."

These words stopped his emotional roller coaster abruptly. The man had taken a defensive stance and turned his head from right to left. Din's thoughts were still all over the place but he managed to grab his helmet and put it back on.

"I'm a mandalorian. Y...Y/N invited me to eat here."

As soon as he spoke the man's head snapped in his direction. He knew now that he wasn't seen but the way how the stranger "looked" at him still made his heart beat faster.

"Oh. I'm sorry for my rudeness. Welcome on the Icarus. I'm Y/N's companion, Eli."

As if she was summoned the Twi'lek showed up. And she looked extremely guilty.

"I'm so sorry, Mando. I forgot that Eli went out to get supplies."

He hummed in response but then decided to add a "It's okay", because he didn't want to be impolite when they apologized to him like that.

There was a short silence and he stood up, with the child in his arms staring at the newcomer.

"It's time for us to leave. Thank you for your hospitality."

Surprisingly, the words stung when he said them but he knew he was right, they needed to go back to the Razor Crest.

Y/N only nodded.

"Let us give you some supplies. You seem to need them", remarked Eli and Din looked at him.

The man smiled and Y/N was already going to the kitchen so he gulped down his negative answer.

While the Twi'lek prepared some fruits and other things for him to take back, he watched how his foundling seemed to be intrigued with the blind man. He cooed and wriggled in his arms. It has been the same with Y/N and Din felt slight jealousy rising in his chest. Eli just stood there, unmoving like a statue.

"Here you go. You don't need to pay us anything", she stopped him as soon as he wanted to grab some credits.

"This time it's for free. God, I can't believe I'm saying this. When was the last time?"

She looked at her partner and the man responded:

"2 years ago."

Y/N laughed. Her eyes glittered and Din had to breathe in slowly. The woman was beautiful. He obviously knew that the Twi'lek race was famous for their mesmerizing women but he had met a lot of Twi'leks and none of them had charm like Y/N. That's why he hesitated. Not that he wavered in his decision. There's no way he would stay but he still wanted to imprint the woman's eyes in his brain.

"Thank you", he said again and he genuinely meant it. She had saved them, didn't try to hand them over and even gave them food that their stomachs had desperately needed. Y/N smiled.

"Don't run into Garka again."

Her tone was light and he nodded. Din couldn't suppress it but she wouldn't see it anyway. His lips curved into a smile.

"Goodbye Eli, Y/N."

With these words he turned and went past the brown-haired man. He was almost at the exit when he believed to have heard something.

"That child..."

He didn't hear the rest but Eli's voice sounded thoughtful. But the mandalorian didn't stop. His focus was already on the hangar and possible pirates...

--------

Part II

[shalebridge-cradle]

Bisclavret Round-Up

Unholy took about three months to write. Fairy Tale took five. Hindsight took six.

Bisclavret took nineteen, and that should be the biggest indicator to you that I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

This was my first venture into another fandom, and out of my comfort zone (though not entirely – supernatural elements for life). I’m not sure whether or not I did the source material and its characters justice, however, especially with the supernatural element I went with (Wolves are believed to have gone extinct in England in the late fifteenth or early sixteenth century), but I will try to explain my reasoning behind some of my decisions here.

The Characters

My main concern.

We get a good view of Monty’s thought process throughout the show, through the framing device of writing his memoirs and views of his private affairs. Phoebe and Sibella, on the other hand, are characters we don’t get much of in the way of examination – we only see them through Monty’s eyes until the very end, where they reveal themselves as more than that.

Sibella is a bit self-centred, and extremely practical when it comes to how she sees her place in society, which implies some self-confidence issues. Phoebe is more idealistic, and independent, but still hopes for a match fit for a storybook. But, towards the end, Sibella demonstrates she is more than a vain god-digger, afraid of losing the man she loves and willing to potentially compromise her image to save him, while Phoebe shows that she is not nearly as innocent or naive as the people around her consider her to be.

I interpreted the two women’s characterisations as thus; Sibella believes she is bound by society’s view of her. Phoebe does not. This, I believed, needed to be the focus.

Which is where we introduce…

The Whole Werewolf Thing

“[Post-modern Gothic] warns us to be suspicious of monster hunters, monster makers, and above all, discourses invested in purity and innocence. The monster always represents the disruption of categories, the destruction of boundaries, and the presence of impurities and so we need monsters and we need to recognize and celebrate our own monstrosities.”  - J Halberstam, Skin Shows: Gothic Horror and the Technology of Monsters

I gave a number of possible causes of the D’Ysquith ‘family curse’, if it is one – the actions of the first countess, Gregory D’Ysquith burning down a monastery (divine punishment is a possible cause), but I never gave a specific answer. I think I might be operating on the logic of the original Bisclavret – it’s irrelevant.

The reason there isn’t is because I intended it as a metaphor – which I think I’ve made clear with my chapter updates here (though you don’t have to read it that way, Death of the Author and all that), but I never quite decided and what it was a metaphor for. In terms of this particular narrative, it can be read as a metaphor for feminism, and/or a metaphor for same-sex attraction.

Feminism

Edwardian Era England, where A Gentleman’s Guide takes place, is not overly-represented in fiction. Not surprising, considering it’s a pretty short time period between the surprisingly long Victorian era and the world-changing events of World War One. However, when you think of that time period, a certain group tends to come to mind – the suffragettes.

(Just a note. Agatha D’Ascoyne, the character from Kind Hearts and Coronets who inspired Hyacinth D’Ysquith in the musical, was a suffragette. She has no lines, apart from “Shush!” – Deeds, Not Words.)

We know what these people wanted – Votes for Women. They were not prepared to wait for society to change to get it, and when peaceful protest was ignored, they began to act out. They refused to fit into their role of quiet, demure, loyal wives, and for some groups, this was seen as threatening. Anti-suffragette cartoons of the time often depicted these women as old, ugly and/or selfish for wanting similar rights to men instead of accepting their place as a ‘lesser being’.

The point I am trying to make is, being in defiance of the role you are expected to play – which Sibella is afraid to show – was seen by many to be ugly. Beastly.

Phoebe runs Henry’s country estate for him. Phoebe flaunts societal expectations by proposing to Monty, instead of waiting for him to propose, the ‘proper’ way to do things. While she is feminine, she does not fit the idea of what a woman ‘should be’.

Sibella makes a point to meet her obligations as a wife, though she does surreptitiously carry on an affair. She sacrifices her own happiness to get what she wants in a socially acceptable way. She has no intention of leaving Lionel in the source material, but she convinces herself that a rich, good-looking, polite man – what society thinks of as the ideal male – is what she wants, and realises on her wedding day that it isn’t.

And goes through with it anyway.

When she can no longer fit that mould, when she refuses to go along with Lionel’s plan to leech off the countess, when she undermines and argues with her husband, that’s when things start happening. Indeed, her ‘beastly’ outbursts manifest as standing up for herself. She ends the story as a much happier and self-assured person than she was at the beginning, and attempts to bring justice to other women.

Same-Sex Attraction

This is a bit more straightforward. We’re coming right off the back of the Victorian era here, where Oscar Wilde and others like him got their lives ruined. Same-sex relationships aren’t viewed in a positive light at all at this time – you like the same gender? Off to prison with you, deviant!

As people that were (and often still are) villainised, misunderstood and attacked for the crime of existing, some members of the LGBT community reclaim monsters such as vampires, werewolves and the Babadook as their own as a means of subverting their image in a heteronormative society. Being ‘monstrous’ is not bad. Being different is fine. You may feel malformed and wrong, but you are not. You and your quirks are accepted.

For some, the ones to fear are those who appear in the daylight.

Sibella, for all her talk of being a monster, only fights back when threatened. Morton has a heart attack when put in the position of his victims, subverting the formula he’s used to. Lionel, fearing that Sibella will leave him and damage his image, resorts to violence against Sibella and several other women he sees as substitutes for her. Mary attempts to murder Sibella for getting in the way of a monogamous man-woman relationship. In her eyes, Sibella is an irredeemable villain, but Phoebe can be ‘fixed’.

If you want to look deeper into this link between horror and the LGBT community, here’s a video essay discussing gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender representation in horror films.

There are only a few non-metaphorical references to werewolves. The wolf head in Eugenia’s dower house is a family member – as previously mentioned, wolves went extinct in England during the reign of Henry VII. St Hubert’s Key is a charm that more often than not looks like a nail, and was supposed to be able to rid the body of disease caused by a dog or wolf bite. There is some science behind this – the metal was heated before being pressed to the wound, and, if the subject was at risk of contracting rabies from the injury, the heat would likely sterilise and cauterise the potential infection site.

Not the First Murder-y Heir

There are a couple of characters named or directly taken from Israel Rank – Autobiography of a Criminal, the inspiration for Kind Hearts and Coronets and A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder. I’ve compared these works before, so I’ll just go over those that appear here.

Esther (Lane) – The third object of Israel Rank’s affections, and a governess. Knows more than she’s letting on in Israel Rank, and in this story as well.

James “Jim” Morton – Appears for about a page to explain Israel’s disillusionment with the ideal male – while Morton seems great to some, he really isn’t. Since Jim only appears as a child in the book, his characterisation here is drastically different.

Lord and Lady Pebworth – Almost directly lifted from the book, with Lady Pebworth being a bad singer and Lord Pebworth an older gentleman who lets his wife get away with a lot. The difference here is that Israel introduces the Hollands to the Pebworths, while the Pebworths are hoping the Hollands introduce them to Lord and Lady Navarro.

Sir Anthony Cross – Quiet, very well-off, slightly older gentleman who is quite taken by Sibella, but it doesn’t go anywhere. Acquaintance of the Pebworths. Pretty much the same guy.

Ethel D’Ysquith (Gascoyne) – An ancestor Israel is quite taken with, not only due to the resemblance between the two. He’s made the 3rd Earl of Highhurst because I didn’t feel like making an imaginary preceding title (Monty is only the 9th Earl, while the 10th Earl Gascoyne is about five generations before Israel – Ethel was the 6th Earl) and the 2nd Earl, Roland, had already been named in the musical. Phoebe’s description of him is meant to heavily imply he was also a werewolf. If I had read the book before fleshing out the D’Ysquith family tree, he would have taken the role that the first countess plays in the narrative’s events (Ethel Gascoyne hid in a tower with an Italian magician for 20 years).

Kate Falconer – The character who would later be known as ‘Boat Girl’ in Kind Hearts and Coronets and Evangeline Barley in A Gentleman’s Guide. Her great crime is to go on holiday with her boyfriend, and gets poisoned for her troubles. She survives here, and I used her to try a formatting technique (while she speaks, none of her dialogue is in quotes: in a way, she is voiceless).

(Sir) Cheveley Drummond, (Lady) Enid Branksome, and Catherine Goodsall – only mentioned briefly. Drummond is described as handsome and ‘interesting’ by Israel, Lady Enid is a young woman from a penniless but aristocratic family, and Catherine Goodsall in an actress whose abusive husband was beaten so badly by a Gascoyne he joined the navy and never came back to land.

In addition, Lionel’s later characterisation comes directly from Kind Hearts and Coronets, since he gets  almost none in the musical. His breakdown in Chapter 11 follows his emotional journey when asking for a loan – affability, begging, threatening suicide, insults and physical violence.

Literary References:

Not always relevant, but there is a wide enough variety that I’m collecting them.

Every chapter title, and the tagline of the work, comes from Manners and Social Usages by Mary Elizabeth (Mrs. John) Sherwood. It’s a bit out of date by the time of this story (written in 1884), but Sherwood does have some great phrases in her etiquette handbook.

Ruddigore is mentioned in chapter 2, only because it is a musical theatre production (opera) where ancestors play a role and family expectations are subverted.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Hamlet. It’s Hamlet.

When in the chronicle of wasted time, I see descriptions of the fairest wights, and beauty making beautiful old rhyme in praise of ladies dead, and lovely knights...  Shakespeare’s Sonnets, Number 106.

I desire, and I crave… Fragment from Sappho’s poetry.

The countess closes her book; something by a George Reynolds. George W. M. Reynolds wrote Wagner the Wher-Wolf (with that spelling) in 1857.

I met a lady in the meads, full beautiful, a faery’s child: Her hair was long, her foot was light, and her eyes were wild. La Belle Dame sans Merci (The beautiful lady without mercy) by John Keats.

Sibella also briefly mentions Algernon Blackwood, a supernatural fiction writer who wrote a short story about a werewolf (portrayed quite differently here) that a character in 1909 could have possibly read (the story was first published in 1908).

In addition, the whole story is named after a very early depiction of a sympathetic werewolf, Bisclavret by Marie de France (and the most direct I think I’ve ever been with a title). It depicts, naturally, a werewolf (who is also a knight, because not being human doesn’t disqualify you from doing that – cutting social commentary for the 12th century) who is trapped in his wolf form after being tricked by his wife and her lover. Through chivalric behaviour to the king on a hunt, he works himself back into the royal court and, when his former wife pays a visit, bites off her nose. The king thinks the sudden aggressive behaviour from his pet prompts further investigation, the wife reveals all, and the knight is restored to human form. Also, all of the wife’s children are born without noses from then on. Lionel getting his nose bitten off is a reference to this poem.

Uncategorised Trivia

This work was written with the UK spellings of certain words, because it takes place in England. Previous works all took place in the US, and so used US spelling.

Les Patineurs Valse is French for The Skater’s Waltz. Reference to Asquith Jr. and Evangeline Barley.

All of the racehorse names Sibella finds are either variations, anagrams or synonyms of actual racehorses in the Victorian and Edwardian eras. Sir Hugh is Sir Huon, Gil Owen is Neil Gow, Irish Lass is Irish Lad, Supervision is Oversight and Pinnacle is Meridian.

Lionel was right to be concerned about Phoebe’s flower arrangement. Red begonias represent love, lavender-coloured heathers represent admiration and loneliness (and are a reference to another fandom I write for), tuberoses are symbolic of wild or forbidden passion (and was commonly used as a funeral flower), and verbena is reference to romance and sweet memories. The dead foliage is meant to mean sadness. Overall, the intended meaning is I miss you, my love.

[fourteendoors]

The Queen of Akzetha and the King of Crete

Image credit to Denys Tsiperko on artstation. Most modern stories about the Minotaur suck. I’m allowed to say this because I’m an Artist, and therefore objectively correct about everything. These stories suck because they focus on Theseus, a boring prettyboy whose only real talent is murder, instead of the much more interesting blend of divine retribution, personal tragedy, and general horniness that underlies the creation myth of the Minotaur. So, before we go any further, let’s have a quick refresher of the story, and then a dissection as to why I like it so much.

The Minotaur is a creature entirely born from the fuck-up of King Minos of the Isle of Crete. Upon ascending to the throne of Crete, Minos was having trouble consolidating power, and as such asked the sea-god Posideon to send him a snow-white bull to show that the gods favored him for leadership. Posideon asked Minos to sacrifice the bull to honor him, but Minos valued the bull so much that he instead sacrified another instead. Angry at this, Posideon caused Minos’ wife, Pasiphae, to become incredibly attracted to the bull, at which point she begged the inventor Daedalus to build her a bull-shaped armature so that she could have sex with it. Upon doing so, she became pregnant with the half-man, half-beast Minotaur, who, being divided between two species had no natural source of food, and so (logically) was only able to subsist off devouring human flesh. Although Pasiphae attempted to take care of it for a time, eventually Minos imprisoned it in his Labyrinth, constructed by Daedalus. There’s a ton of interesting things here. Firstly, that the Minotaur was entirely born out of hubris and spite. He’s not a monster because he was made by an evil god, he’s a monster because he was made by an incredibly petty one. The detail about the wooden cow is incredibly choice, but not really gameable (although I am begging someone to prove me wrong.) It’s interesting that Minos chose to imprison the beast, rather than kill it. If you can contain something enough to trap it in a giant maze you had your inventor friend build, surely just straight-out murdering it wouldn’t be impossible? I like to imagine that Minos felt some guilt about what he’d done to his son, and couldn’t bear to have it killed on his own orders until Theseus arrived. Anyway. Here’s a Minotaur-variant you can stick in your own games. ------ The Queen of Akzetha The Kingdom of Akzetha is a small city-state on the Sea of Silk. It’s not a Kingdom anymore- it hasn’t been for the past few decades- but the Council currently in charge of the city is absolutely resolute that Akzetha is a kingdom, and will be known as such. (They tried to issue an official motion to transition the city into the Republic of Akzetha. They had to suspend the vote because of the nightmares.) For its size, Akzetha is fairly wealthy. This is mostly due to the exploits of its founder, Vrantearn the Serpent, a legendary Yncol pirate who terrorized the Sea of Silk for nearly a century. Upon his retirement, he took the hand of a legendary songstress in marriage, and bought the island where he would found his Kingdom. Vrantearn’s hoard funded the fleets of trade ships that now ply the Sea of Silk, making the early years of the kingdom very profitable for The Serpent and his loyal crew. There is a story about his death, and the story goes like this. Vrantearn and his lover had a daughter after Azketha’s founding- a clever and bright-eyed girl named Xurah. Vrantearn truly loved his child, and spoilt her with exotic trinkets from across the known world. One night, while Xurah was being tutored in poetry by a Cvess philosopher, a bedraggled man approached Vrantearn’s throne. He claimed to be a priest of Rhulenkaath, the goddess of blood and birds and contracts, and asked after a certain artifact that had come into the Pirate King’s possession. The artifact was of grave importance to the priesthood, and if Vrantearn would turn it over they would consecrate a new temple in his honor. The Serpent simply laughed, saying he had no need for the assistance of a goddess who could not protect her own subjects, and turned the man away. Ill omens followed. Traders at port found that the touch of gold opened cuts on the skin of their palms. Vrantearn’s prized monkey died, bleeding black ink from its eyes. And Xurah grew strange and distant, keeping odd hours and odder habits. The people whispered of the wrath of the goddess, of the folly of the Pirate King. One day, Xurah entered the royal bedchambers and devoured both her parents whole. The girl hungered for blood, and although the guards fought valiantly they found that she healed from any wound they could give her. It was only through the wit of the King’s advisor that they were able to Xurah beneath the palace, in a network of secret passageways that had been built if an escape was ever needed. The entrances were sealed, but for a single accessway, watched day and night by guards to ensure the monstrous child would never escape. This is what the story tells. It less often discusses what happens next. Although Xurah is monstrous (guards report glimpses of feathers and talons and wide, dark eyes), she is intensely intelligent, charismatic, and persuasive. The art of statecraft seems like an intriguing game to her, and it is one she is very, very good at. And although the Council would never admit it, in matters of politics they still often answer to her. It goes like this. The most heinous criminals in Akzetha are sentenced to the worst fate imaginable: to be devoured by Xurah. They will not go willingly, of course, and so they’re often given a soporific beforehand. Under the soporific, a question may be tattooed on their back- ‘should we go to war,’ perhaps, or ‘how do we cure the blight.’ They are cast down into the dark, and they are not seen again. The answer will usually appear by the next morning, either in a dream, whispered on the wind, or (in one particularly unpleasant case) spelled out in animal viscera on the floor of a Councilman’s estate. This is the price for the questions of state. For questions of one’s own life- the Councilmen’s aspirations, their relationships, their future- Xurah demands flesh from one’s own body. In recent days, a change has occurred in Xurah’s behavior that terrifies the members of the Council. It’s not that she’s began to try to escape- far from it. Xurah’s entire life has been marked by escape attempts, each more elaborate and unpredictable than the last. (The Council has spent a fortune hiring wizards and engineers to try and keep up.) Rather, it’s the fact that in the past year, Xurah has not tried to break free once. The more optimistic members of the Council speculate that her will is broken, that she is now utterly resigned to her fate. The more pessimistic members say that she’s only biding her time, or even perhaps that she’s realized that staying trapped beneath the earth can inflict more cruelty upon them than her release ever could. And in the dockside inns and on the cold beaches at night, you will sometimes hear the commoners speak of a queen that speaks in dreams, a queen whose crown is wind and blood... ------ How To Use Xurah In Your Games: Xurah will take an interest in your PCs, because your PCs are likely interesting. What this interest will actually mean is entirely up to you. Perhaps she’ll want to eat them (if that’s what she’s doing), and will convince the Council to frame them for something heinous and cast them down into her lair. Perhaps they’ll end up serving her, knowingly or unknowingly, following the cryptic words on the wind and the voice in their dreams. (She can pay them well- there are caches of pirate treasure all over the island, and she knows each and every one.) Maybe she’s not even interested in escaping anymore, and is instead looking for the PCs to assist her in her newest scheme- perhaps killing the old rivals of her father, or serving the interests of the god who made her. I wrote Xurah’s followers as acting on her behalf, but I actually like it better if they’re not, instead misinterpreting random dreams as signs of divine prophecy. Of course, when Xurah tries to drive them away with nightmares, that’s just more signs that the prophecy is fulfilled. This gives Xurah, the Council, and the cultists a push-and-pull aspect, each ostensibly allied with the other, but secretly working on their own agenda.

[akocomyk]

Twenty-eight books read in 2019.  Sixteen longlisted books.  One person who wastes his time writing sh*t as if they really matter.

Here it is.  The best books I read in the past year.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

The unfortunate books that I had to let go since I only had ten spots to fill.

Turtles All the Way Down by John Green (2017)

Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie (1934)

History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera (2017)

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie (1926)

Bird by Bird by Anne Lammott (1994)

The Silkworm by Robert Galbraith (2014)

*Ratings range from 1 to 5, with 5 being the highest

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

10th Place

56 by Bob Ong (2018)

Rating: 4.300

Bob Ong makes a comeback on my list with his latest novel.  His other book, Si, ranked 10th last 2015.  This is the second time a Filipino book enters the list and is also the second nonfiction book ever—after Into the Wild last 2016.

In his latest release, Ong returns to the writing style that made him famous— reminiscent of his earlier books like ABNKKBSNPLAko.  56 is like a 300-page commentary or editorial about the issues of the present Filipino generation.

Other readers have found the book a little too preachy.  I find it enlightening as it serves as a wake-up call to the Filipinos who are turning their blindsides to the harsh realities of our nation.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

9th Place

Mga Kirot ng Kapalaran (Kikomachine Komix blg. 11) by Manix Abrera (2015)

Rating: 4.445

This is a long-overdue recognition to my favorite comic strip artist (Fun Fact: I met him quite a few times already).  For many years, I've ignored the chance to even put his works in the list of contenders.  I'm not throwing it away again.  Now, I have my first book to enter the top 10 classified under comics and graphic novels.

In this collection of strips by Manix Abrera, his work remains as humorous and as satirically laughable as the first time I saw his comic. Themes have changed to reflect the new trends and issues of our present society.

For as long as Manix draws and publishes his work, I will continue to read them as I know he gives an intellectual yet amusing input to our society's problems.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

8th Place

Mga Batang Poz by Segundo Matias, Jr. (2018)

Rating: 4.450

“Beautiful and relevant, but not flawless,” this is what I said on my review for this YA novel.

Mga Batang Poz is the third Filipino book on this list.  Having three books on the list is a first.  Furthermore, this is also the first time in four years that a Filipino book enters the list.

As previously mentioned, I have certain problems with regard to the overarching narrative of the novel.  I wish that Matias could’ve written something more elaborate or something that doesn’t feel forced.

Nevertheless, the book accomplishes its goal of being a story that advocates HIV awareness, especially towards the youth.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

7th Place

The One and Only Ivan by Katherine Applegate (2012)

Rating: 4.485

In this book, you'll see both the cruelty and the compassion of humanity through the eyes of a gorilla named Ivan who is the narrator of the story.

Ivan is based on a real-life gorilla who was being used as a live animal attraction in Zoo Atlanta.

It is quite obvious that the book is meant for a younger audience, but despite this, I know anyone of any age will be able to appreciate it.  Ivan is a gorilla after all, and I think the simplicity of how it was written suits his character, making the tone of the story more natural.

Overall, it was very touching.  Although it mirrors pretty much what happened to the real-life Ivan, it efficiently delivers its message for animal welfare.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

6th Place

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie (1939)

Rating: 4.525

This is a mystery novel filled with suspense and everything that'll make you love and hate it at the same time.  The horror it gives chills you to the bone for every page you turn.

Agatha Christie is insane—and I mean that in a good way.  The plot was so well-thought out that even when nearing at the end, I had no clue who the culprit was.  When it was revealed to me, I was like, “Yeah.  That makes absolute f*cking sense.”

For a book that has ten major characters, it does well in handling them.  You know when a piece of literature is brilliantly made when even if its length isn’t considerably long, it doesn’t sacrifice the characters’ backgrounds and the narrative of the story.

Despite the novel’s inhumane and despicable acts, it also addresses issues about criminal injustices that are still prevalent today.  In our country alone, criminals—corrupt officials, master drug dealers, rapists, murderers—are still roaming around the streets, evading the consequences of their actions.   At times when the law is not enforced properly, people resort to their own type of justice.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

5th Place

Darius the Great Is Not Okay by Adib Khorram (2018)

Rating: 4.590

In this debut novel by Adib Khorram, the titular character Darius suffers from clinical depression.  Also, he's a Star Trek and Lord of the Rings fan.

This book demonstrates the fact that real depression is not simply cured by positive reinforcement and bible verses—as what most overly religious people think.

The novel highlights Darius' relationship with the other characters—most especially with Sohrab.  It shows how he copes up with them while he struggles with his mental disorder.

There are also subtle hints of homosexuality, which added to the overall tension of the story since the main characters are Muslims.  It wasn't blatant but it was obviously present—in the right and necessary amount.

To me, this is a spiritual brother of Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz—one of my favorite books.  It gave me the same feeling of awe, beautiful pain, and joyful nostalgia. There were parts that broke my heart—I was ugly crying while riding a bus—and by the end, I was a complete mess, although I'm utterly happy.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

4th Place

Moonrise by Sarah Crossan (2017)

Rating: 4.595

What I love most about this book is how it was written.  Instead of being in paragraphs, it was written in verses—like poetry.  I thought it was creative and oddly fitting for the story.

Even though there are more blank spaces on the pages than letters, those words are enough to draw me into the story.

The novel is about Ed whose brother was up on death row.  I found myself rooting for him, and I was hoping similarly to how he was hoping in the story.  When the end came, I couldn't help myself from closing my eyes.

The narrative was fairly simple, it matches the way it was written.  The characters—although few and also written with the utmost simplicity—feel so human and are not flat, cardboard cutouts.

In the light of all the flawed justice systems and abuses of law enforcers not just in America but everywhere else in the world, it's good to find a book that's bold enough to address such issues and an author who's brave enough to write them.

Lots of murderers are on the loose, yet there are innocent people being slaughtered for crimes they didn't commit.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

3rd Place

On the Come Up by Angie Thomas (2018)

Rating: 4.605

Just when you thought Angie Thomas couldn't write anything as good as The Hate U Give (THUG), she gives us this.  If it's not better, then it sure is as brilliant as her debut novel.

This is Thomas' second consecutive year in my list, with THUG bagging the top plum last year.

The novel is proof of Thomas’s writing prowess.  It successfully immersed me into the life of her protagonist, a life filled with hope, angst, and ambition.  And the dialogue… Especially the rap battles.  They were amazing.  Seeing as Thomas herself was a rapper, you can feel the ingenuity in her words.

Moreso, this is one book that we really need in our present times.  It reflects all of my sentiments regarding social media and how it can make or break a person.  And how much the oppressed and marginalized communities lack representation, and how they are still subject to much prejudice.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

2nd Place

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini (2007)

Rating: 4.680

This beautiful novel demonstrates the horror of domestic violence towards women.  It also provides a glimpse of the people and culture of Afghanistan during the times of war.

I'm in love with how Khaled Hosseini's characters flesh out from the pages.  You'd love them.  You'd care for them.  Their agony becomes yours.  Their pain drips out from the corners of the books as your tears trail down your cheeks.

And on their sweet, small victories, you'd give a sigh of relief as the anxiety is slowly drained from your body.

In the two years that I've read a book by Hosseini, it didn't fail to shatter my heart. The Kite Runner ranked first in my 2017 list, and now this. If ever get to read another one of his books, I've no doubt it will also be a contender for that year's list.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

1st Place

Thunderhead by Neal Shusterman (2018)

Rating: 4.765

This book is also up on my shelf for the best sequels ever—be it for any medium.

I read this earlier this year and it remained unbeatable until 2019 ended.

This is the second book in Neal Shusterman's Arc of a Scythe trilogy, the sequel to Scythe—which placed 3rd in my 2017 list.

Growth and expansion. These are the things I love about the sequel.  Ronan and Citra, the two main protagonists of the trilogy, are older, wiser, and better people, despite the fact that they're teenagers.  You can feel their struggles with their respective endeavors.

Also, the universe is bigger.  The Arc of Scythe novels feature a world where death does not exist and everyone is biologically immortal.  In order to balance the earth’s population, there are these so-called Scythes whose life-long job is to assassinate anyone they choose.

In this sequel, you get to know more about the mechanisms of their world.  There’s a new main character, Grayson, who takes you deeper and gives you a view of what it's like to live as a normal human.

The book deals with the adverse effects of the ways power-hungry people want to achieve their ambitions.

But that's not why I went gaga after reading the book.

IT.  WAS.  EPIC.  The plot twists within the plot twists.  The narrative.  And the ending.  My god, that ending.  I COULD HEAR MY SILENT SCREAMS.  After the last page, the only thing I thought of was, "GIVE ME THE THIRD BOOK RIGHT NOW!"

Thunderhead isn’t flawless, but it’s a very fine piece of literature that I recommend to anyone who loves to read.

• • • • •

I hope I won't regret putting Thunderhead in first place after a few years.  I regret giving the top spot to I'll Give You the Sun last 2016.  After pondering about the books I've read in the past years, I've found that Anthony Doerr's All the Light We Cannot See is one remarkable and memorable book, and the one I should've given the highest honors.

Books with relevant themes dominated my shelf but the book that won my heart was the one with intricate plots and a phenomenal ending.  It feels weird but I hope for the best.

Happy New Year, everyone!

[wherethingscomebackx]

Top 25 Larry Fics of 2018

It’s here you guys!!!

I did this list for 2016 and this list for 2017 and you guys have been so lovely!

I read a lot of fic and the majority of it is larry. I like making lists and I like larry so I thought I’d do some minimal research of the top 25 larry fics published/completed in 2018 in order of least to most kudos (with links). All of these fics are top notch so you should all check them out!

25.) knock knock, i love you by @thelovejandles

“Well,” Louis says, searching for something to relieve this tension. “I think if a bloke gets kicked out of his stats exam for a knock knock joke, he deserves to hear the punchline, yeah?”

“Oh!” Harry says, beaming. “I forgot where we left off, what was it again?” He looks overjoyed to be exchanging a shit joke.

“Ah, you said knock knock, then I said who’s there, and then you said Noah,” Louis supplies helpfully. He hates that he's actually curious about the rest of the joke. “So, Noah who?”

“Oh,” says Harry, in a much different tone, dragging out the syllable. He looks bashful now. Louis cannot keep up with this boy, it's going to kill him. “Right, well.” He shuffles his feet. Fuck, what kind of knock knock joke gets a boy nervous? “Noah a good place we could get something to eat?”

[Harry and Louis get kicked out of a statistics exam for passing a knock knock joke note, and subsequently fall in love. Harry's a virgin, there's a cat, a hot cocoa date, a lot of sex, even more knock knock jokes, and everything is lovely and happy.]

24.) Let Me Be Your Star by @chloehl10

Harry Styles has always been a singer, but he’s never had much confidence in himself. When his idol is brought on as the new judge on The X-Factor, he figures, what the hell? He’d get to sing and meet his idol. What could go wrong?

~

Louis Tomlinson has always wanted to mentor young musicians. When he’s asked to be a judge on The X-Factor, it’s a dream come true, everything he ever wanted. What he didn’t expect was to meet a curly-headed stranger that would turn his life upside down

23.) The Compulsion to Find Love by @toomanylarrytears

The most prestigious English third-level institution, Candling University, accepts omega students for the first time and Louis Tomlinson applies with bright eyes and brighter ambitions. There he encounters personal obstacles, traditional mindsets and a beautiful boy who inverts every prejudice Louis has ever known.

22.) Pursuit by DirtyLarryStylinson

Some people may deceive you by acting pleasant and friendly to begin with, but their demeanour can sometimes take a sinister turn when obsession kicks in.

Louis Tomlinson is seventeen years old and carefree. He has close friends and family, a stable education and a pretty good life overall, so what could go wrong?

Well, a lot. Especially when you've attracted the interest of Harry Styles, who hides a staggeringly frightening secret.

21.) ROUGE by lourryalrightee

Submissive Louis Tomlinson is a misjudged criminal who is accused of beating his own Dominant until unconciousness. But the truth is not like that. In fact, Louis has been a victim of severe abuse by his Dom, he only fought back to defend his own life. One could imagine how many times the Dom has raped the Sub, how many scars from canes and whips are there to litter across his body, how many times his flesh has been split open, how many nightmares he has endured that leaves him lose all hope in life.

Sent to the BDSM prison for "behavioural correction", Louis meets the warden there, Dominant Harry Styles. Dominant above all Dominants, Harry is cold and harsh on the outside, but secretly a lonely man in the inside.

Louis supposes he could find his solace here in prison, a time for his scars to heal, both physical and mental ones. But what if Harry starts befriending the Sub, seeing through all the false accusations? What if Harry wants to seek justice? Does Louis even want his name cleared anyways? But the most important question is,

Will Harry be able to give Louis the love he deserves?

If only Louis could tell him the truth.

20.) Now In A Minute by @avocadolouie

13 feels like yesterday for many people, but for Louis it actually was.

More than anything in the world, Louis Tomlinson dreams of growing up. Simply skipping over all of the awkward, embarrassing years of teenage existence and getting on with life. Real life.

So when thirteen-year-old Louis wakes up in the body of his thirty-year-old self, he expected everything in his adult life to be picture perfect. And maybe it is. He has it all…or so it seems.

Except his favorite person and lifelong best mate, Harry Styles, is totally missing from the equation and Louis doesn’t understand why. He has a lot of catching up to do and as adult life turns out to be more than what he bargained for, Louis can’t help wondering why a life that seemed so perfect, feels so empty.

Or the 13 going on 30 au that should have been done years ago.

19.) Wild Love by purpledaisy

“Good,” Julia says, clearly pleased to have them both uncomfortable and unable to look at each other. “Now, I only have one more question before you can go. What are you planning to do when this experiment ruins your friendship?”

“We said we’d stay friends no matter what,” Harry says smoothly, his chin lifting in defense.

“That was our one thing going into it,” Louis agrees. “Stay friends no matter what.”

Julia raises a perfectly manicured brow, “That’s all fine and good. But I hope you realize your emotions aren’t going to realize this is an experiment in the end. If one of you falls for the other and finds out those feelings are not reciprocated, you’re not going to be able to laugh it off as a social experiment. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do this, I’m just hoping you’ve considered all of the possible outcomes.”

- AU: Two best friends try to date each other for forty days. It's supposed to be fun until emotions make it complicated.

18.) Take Our Bodies Higher by @littlelouishiccups

Harry wasn’t often caught off guard at his job anymore. He called different men Sir, Master, or Daddy for work almost every week, but he’d never been told he was a good boy in a voice quite like that.

In which Harry is a phone sex operator and Louis dials a wrong number.

17.) You Got That Somethin’ by @styleandsin

“How are you? Having a good time? Got a couple of beers in? What are those?” Louis hears him ask in quick succession, the loudness of the microphone making him jump even though the screams around him have yet to cease.

“It’s vodka,” Louis says, slightly unsure.

“Vodka! Oh, straight?” Harry asks, louder this time and with a growing smile.

Phoebe and Daisy have turned around to face him, huge smiles on their faces.

Fuck, this man is really going to be the death of Louis. He can physically feel his brain struggling to make his body cooperate and answer the question. He is so gay.

“No, gay!” He shouts, immediately getting an elbow to the side by his sister.

Or, the one where Louis attends a Harry Styles concert and makes an absolute fool of himself.

16.) The Road Less Travelled By by @freetheankles

Louis was a lumberjack happy to be living his life alone in what could qualify as Middle Of Nowhere, Canada.

Every morning, he went out into the woods, cut his logs, then came home at dusk to a scalding hot shower and a good book by the fireplace. Rinse and Repeat. He had a good life, quiet and peaceful; simple. Not a secluded one as Niall annoyingly claimed.

Louis certainly didn't need some chatty trespasser dropping into his life, his forest, his home. Invading his space, his circle of friends, touching his stuff, asking questions about his husband. His late husband.

A trespasser who wasn’t supposed to crawl under his skin, occupy his thoughts, and steal his heart from where Louis had locked it safely away, only to put it right back on Louis’ sleeve — where it once laid.

No, Louis definitely didn’t need Harry.

15.) Dirty secret by iilarryii

"Dad, you can't go!" Louis yells to his father as he watches him pull out his sword.

"Louis, you know that I have to. It's the pack leaders orders," Dan says calmly. "I need you to promise me that you'll take care of the family if I die."

"So what? You'll just give up?"

"Of course not. I am just willing to die for my family's safety."

"So am I."

The Zoely pack is attacked by rogue alphas and the pack leader orders all alphas over the age of eighteen to protect their pack. Dan Deakin is one of the strongest alphas in the pack, but there is one problem. He has a wife and six kids to feed and look after. Louis is the oldest child and the one who wants to protect their family.

Or a Mulan AU where Louis is an omega who takes his father's place in the war.

14.) Breathe Me by eternalxrry

Omega Louis thinks he's worthless, after being told thousands of times a day, he finally starts to believe the bullies. But no one is there to protect him, until Harry and his pack move to Louis' hometown. Will Harry protect Louis? Or is it all too good to be true.

13.) The Second Hand Unwinds by @fullonlarrie

Louis Tomlinson is one of the first members of NASA's top secret Chrono Exploration Program. When things go wrong and he's sent further back in time than planned, he has no other option than to show up on his ex-boyfriend's doorstep.

12.) won’t you wear my watermark by @bottomlinsons

The new Earl of Harrisson is a young man, an impulsive romantic, forced to shoulder too much responsibility far too soon. He is also Louis’ soulmate, but there’s nothing to be done about that. At least, as far as Louis is concerned.

The Earl, it seems, will take some convincing.

(A slow burn Regency AU featuring secrets, seduction and, our favourite, soulmarks.)

11.) That’s How I Know by @allwaswell16

Louis Tomlinson has just landed his dream job, coaching soccer at Augustus University. When he moves into a new house near campus, he meets his very fit new neighbor, English professor Harry Styles. Although their first meeting leads to an instant mutual dislike, the more Harry gets to know Louis, the more he likes what he sees.

Or the one where Harry’s African grey parrot spills his dirty secrets to his very hot neighbor.

10.) I Didn’t Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me) by @allwaswell16

These days Louis tends to steer clear of dating alphas. He’s dated too many knotheads in his time, and he’s ready to just focus on school and his friends and his pet monitor lizard, of course.

Too bad the alpha next door won’t take a hint and stop using the worst pick up lines of all time on him. He’s really got to stop laughing with him--and talking to him and walking to class with him and letting him bring him coffee and tea and gifts for his lizard and watching Netflix together and...

9.) Have Faith In Me by stylinsoncity 

As the son of Anne Styles, millionaire owner of one of the world's most luxurious fashion labels, Harry has spent his last seventeen years living in carefree extravagance. And now he's grown tired of it, along with the pressure from his mum to follow in her footsteps and the constant care given to him by her past assistants.

When his mum's newest assistant, Louis, moves into the guesthouse, Harry determines to be treated differently. To be treated like an adult. Except Louis is not at all what Harry was expecting...

This is a story about growing up, growing in love and having the faith to make it last.

8.) falling into you by stylinsoncity

In the grand scheme of adolescence and boyhood, Harry was still working himself out, so far with little luck. But four things he could say for certain: 1) he'd been at the top of his class all through primary and secondary school, 2) he was the shittiest alpha to ever walk the earth, 3) Liam Payne never let him forget it, and 4) he’d been in love with this boy, Louis Tomlinson, ever since he was fifteen years old.

7.) Blue Ice by @larriegal

"Don't ever try to get near me! I don't wanna see you." Harry had slurred in his face looking him in the eye.

"I-I don't understand..." Louis managed to say his voice low, pushing a little from the wall holding his left arm with his right hand.

"What don't you understand? I. DON'T. WANT. YOU!" Harry said again pointing at him, while making his way to the living room, Louis following him in horror.

"Why are you being like this?" Louis managed to get out, though he felt like being ripped to pieces.

"You really thought I love you?! You must be really fucking stupid! Who could even love you?"

•

An AU where Louis finds himself in a marriage he didn't bargain for.

6.) If Anyone Knew by @marastarfar

Harry’s a young alpha who’s strangely gentle. Louis’ an omega who’s strangely protective. Being the only ones in the band who aren’t betas they automatically empathise with each other and decide that it’s their job to look after each other.

Or Harry and Louis through the early One Direction years in an a/b/o universe.

5.) Worth Dying For by whoknows

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Louis says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. In the center of the table, a set of three glossy photos stares up at him, mocking him.

“A security detail is non-negotiable, Louis, you know this,” his mum reminds him, tapping the middle photo with two fingers.

Louis doesn’t look back down at the pictures, gesturing towards them wildly, over-dramatically. “This is not a security detail!” he protests. “This is a lanky college student. In what world do you hire someone like this kid to protect me?”

4.) Fucking Animals by @pointerbrotherblog

“Just, off the record,” she says, voice lower, eyes sharper, crook of her mouth quirking up a little, “don’t you ever miss it? A good knot? You must.”

Louis blinks and then swallows, thickly. “No,” he exclaims, offended that she’d even ask, “I love my husband. And anyway, how could I miss something I’ve never had?”

---

Louis is the frontman of an equal rights-movement, author of a book about beta-omega marriage and the struggles of being born and boxed into a personality you don't necessarily feel you fit. The notion that an omega must want to be with an alpha or else he or she's just settling for less, is bullshit.

But, fucking hell.

3.) the impossible now by stylinsoncity

A wish on Christmas Eve sends Louis to an alternate dimension where Harry is a member of One Direction.

2.) Where You Lay by @ham-palpert

When Louis's upcoming heat threatens his success at his new dream job, he asks the best (and only) person he can think of to help him through it: his best mates' best mate, Harry Styles. Harry reluctantly accepts, and together the two navigate a strange friends with benefits relationship that quickly turns complicated.

1.) For As Long As I Can Remember (It’s Been December) by @greenfeelings

After recovering from a severe accident that causes Harry to lose his memory of three years, he moves to London to start his life over as a star chef. Little does he know that when he falls in love with Louis at first sight, it’s not the first time they meet.

Featuring an unintentional game of hot and cold, Harry chasing memories that won’t come back, Louis burying himself in work to try and forget what he can’t forget, Liam being torn between two of his best friends, Zayn as a moral compass and Niall saving the day with good music and brutal honesty.

[otherthingsinhead]

Full of Love and Lies

Part 1: You Played Me

Pairing: Reader x Javier Peña

Warnings: language/angst

Part 2: You Played Me Again

Part 3: I Can’t Lose You Again

Request: Anonymous

[...] where the reader is a hostage so he treats her a little harshly at first but then later it's just fluff and stuff.

You didn’t expect the amiable welcome you’ve got when you popped up at the DEA agent, Javier Peña. You were one of the few members of your family who have an unblemished criminal record still a dangerous and risky choice to trust. A desperate woman, a helpless victim of a drug war he saw in you and he couldn’t help his protecting nature so he agreed to help. The mistake was made.

The plan was simple: being agent Peña’s informer to keep the DEA on false trails until your family and the Castaño brothers can do what they needed to do to hunt down Escobar. You knew what you had signed up for with this, is absolutely illegal but seeing how ineffectual the government’s efforts to catch Escobar you had to do something.

Having sex with the agent wasn’t part of this plan. It just happened. You were attracted to each other from the beginning and the secret meetings in pubs quickly became secret meetings in his bed. What started out as a purely physical relationship turned into something more and reached a higher level as you discovered how much you had in common and how much respect you had for each other. This relationship you both had to keep in the shadows but luckily it didn’t need light to grow into a blooming flower. Your lust evolved into love and things got complicated.

Judy wouldn’t listen. You tried to persuade her on the phone to stop with the plan and forget Escobar and her revenge but Judy wouldn’t listen. You told her as well, you didn’t want to help her anymore. No matter how much you loved your family you didn’t agree with their methods. 

Love can only be built on a foundation of honesty and whenever you had to lie to Javier you felt sick, guilty and ashamed. You wanted nothing but to stop, to escape from this mission. Judy wouldn’t listen. But someone certainly did.

“You played me.” Javier’s voice came as thunder sending a violent shiver through your body.

He was right behind you, listening to the conversation between you and Judy on the phone. You hung up immediately and turned toward him, shaking and gaping but no words escaped your mouth.

“You fucking played me!” He repeated with a chuckle. He wasn’t mad, rather disappointed for letting the enemy into his bed and worst: into his heart.

“Javi, please you have to listen...” You started and felt your throat more and more tightened with every word you said when suddenly he cut you off.

“On your feet!” He said with an agonizing calmness in his voice.

“I’m so sorry Javi but let me explain...”

“Now!” His voice rose in anger but you kept begging through cascading tears.

“Please!” 

“I said on your fucking feet!” He yelled this time and pulled out his gun.

A shiver of dismay ran through you, mixed with fear as he tightened his fingers around your neck and pinned you against the window. You hissed. The physical pain wasn't the worst part, though: it was the feeling of your heart breaking into pieces as you looked into his eyes and saw nothing but glacial coldness and hatred.

“You’re breaking my fuckin’ heart, baby.” He said and turned you around to cuff your hands behind your back. He was angry at you but he was more angry at himself for letting you so close to him.

You fell against the window, heard the click of the lock, and panic rose in your throat fogging your brain with confusion. Would he really send you to jail? Would he treat you like that after the time you’ve spent together? After you’ve planned a life together? After he promised he never let anything bad to happen to you?

“Are you arresting me now?” You asked with trembling voice and he paused giving place to the silence to grow thicker and thicker with every passing moment.

“Fuck!” His roar shocked through your body and caused you to shudder with horror as he slammed his fist against the wall next to your face with all his strength. The crying took you over. 

Appalled suddenly at the heat of his own anger he took a shaky breath to calm his nerves. And you.

“Judy has real information about Escobar and I have her niece. I think we can make a deal.” He answered callously and pushed you toward the front door, gripping your arm tightly, with his fingernails biting into your flesh. You hissed again but you knew you deserved it.

He roughly tossed you into his car and made it clear he didn’t want to hear anything other than the directions to Judy’s place. You didn’t try to explain your reasons anymore. You had to give him space, you thought and then you can convince him how much you sorry and how much you need him to forgive you. He might get over everything that had happened and you would do anything to make him believe in you, make him trust you again, love you again.

He drove silently, pondering on his thoughts. After he had left her fiance at the altar long years ago he knew he didn’t want to marry anyone. And then you came into his life and he didn’t want anything more than change your name from Moncada to Peña. He was thinking about what was real and what was fake in your relationship and as if the burden of your betrayal wasn’t enough he felt his chest heavy and clenched under the little gold ring in his pocket.

Judy loved her family too, so she made a deal with Javier: Los Pepes helps the DEA to catch Escobar and you are free to leave.

It was almost midnight when you knocked on his door. Javier was busy to numb his feelings with alcohol but he knew – and deep down in his heart he wished – you’re going to come to him. The door cracked open and you met with a gaze of a defeated man. Your stomach clenched and felt your heart heavy with fear and hope.

“Your job is over, Y/N! I think we’re done.” He said dryly and tried to close the door but you resisted. He turned his back to you and you quickly let yourself in.

“I… I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. I did it for my family, you have to understand.” You said struggling with your tears.

“Your family.” He spat through gritted teeth and his mouth curved into an ironic smile before taking a sip from his glass. A half day ago he wanted to start a new family with you and now he felt the last few months was a dream, a beautiful promise of a happy life rotting away with your lies.

“My feelings are real, Javier. I love you! Please. Please, forgive me!” You couldn’t bare the look in his eyes anymore. Without warning you cling to his chest and buried your face into his shirt, sobbing. The smell of his cologne brought into your heart the memories of lustful nights and romantic mornings with him. Full of love and passion, full of happiness.

You held him tight and desperately but he didn’t move to hug you back. He wanted to push you away, to shout, to hate you but he couldn’t. He felt weak and lost and terrified because he knew he couldn’t live without you anymore. He would never be happy again.

You were standing in this half-embrace for what seemed an eternity when his tensed body grew softer and you felt his arms slowly wrap around you, keeping you close to his chest.

“I love you too.” He rustled deeply sending a rush of electricity through your veins with the warmth of his words. Swiftly you pulled away from his chest, peering up to him and pressed a brief but fervent kiss onto his whiskey flavored lips. 

“I love you so much, baby. I love you, I love you, I love you. I’ll never lie to you Javi, I promise. It’ll never happen again.” You murmured softly and kindly, melting his heart all over and over again with the small pecks you littered his face. Your kisses never failed to send shivers over his body.

“I know. Because we’re done.” 

“What?”

“It’s over, Y/N. I broke up with you.” His words shocked you to the core and you didn’t want to believe your ears.

“Javi, I...” 

“Don’t make it harder than it has to be.” He said abruptly, then added:

“Just leave.” 

As you allowed yourself to understand what was happening, you felt the crippling fear of losing him take over your soul. You looked up at him as tears slowly welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision and saw his hardened expression. It was real. 

You walked to the door and with every step you took, your chest became tighter. The door closed behind you and the tiny flame of hope inside you flickered and died.

MASTERLIST

[bountyofbeads]

Is Trump a Rapist? https://nyti.ms/2X0thfr

What is astounding to me is the fact that we are talking about the @POTUS and rape in the same sentence, and it's hardly breaking thru!! How low America has fallen!!😢😢😭😭😭

"If what’s quoted below is true, Trump raped a woman in NYC in 1995 or 96. There is no time limit in NY on criminal prosecution for rape — even if the woman doesn’t call it that, even if the perp becomes president, and even if 60 million voters don’t care." Lawrence Tribe @tribelaw

Is Trump a Rapist?

America needs to give these women, and the accusations they’ve brought forth, the full attention they deserve.

By Charles M. Blow, Opinion Columnist |

Published June 26, 2019 | New York Times | Posted June 27, 2019 |

I am simply disgusted by what’s happening in America.

My political differences with this president and his accomplices in Congress — and now on the Supreme Court — are only part of the reason. Indeed, those differences may not be the lesser reason, and that, for me, says a lot.

For me, the reason is that the country, or large segments of it, seems to be acquiescing to a particular form of evil, one that is pernicious and even playful, one in which the means of chipping away at our values and morals grow even stronger, graduating from tack hammer to standard hammer to sledgehammer.

America, it seems to me, is drifting toward catastrophe. Donald Trump is leading us there. And all the while, our politicians plot about political outcomes and leverage. Republican politicians are afraid to upset him; Democratic politicians are afraid to impeach him.

One thing that should never be underestimated is a politician’s clawing instinct toward self-preservation. These disciples of flexibility have learned well that the trees that remain standing are those that bend best in the storm.

Trump is to them a storm. But, to many of us, he is desolation, or the possibility thereof.

But, because nothing changes, because he is never truly held accountable, too many Americans are settling into a functional numbness, a just-let-me-survive-it form of sedation. But, that is where the edge of death is marked. That is where the rot begins. That is where a society loses itself.

Take for instance the latest sexual accusation against Trump: Advice columnist E. Jean Carroll alleges that Trump sexually assaulted herin 1995 or 1996 in a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room. Carroll doesn’t call it rape, but rape is what she describes.

Carroll writes that Trump “pushed her against the wall, pushed his mouth against her lips, then pulled down her tights, unzipped his pants and forced his ‘fingers around my private area, thrusts his penis halfway — or completely, I’m not certain — inside me,’” as The New York Times reported it.

Don’t just keep reading. Don’t just think that you’ve heard this before. Don’t just think that this kind of “behavior” is baked into how people feel about Trump. Go back and read that last paragraph. Read it slowly. Place yourself — or your mother, or your wife, sister, daughter, cousin, girlfriend or friend — in that dressing room. Imagine the struggle. Imagine the violation. Imagine the anger.

And now remember that the alleged perpetrator is now the president. And, remember that Carroll is by no means alone; a chorus of other women have also accused Trump of sexual misconduct.

But, Carroll’s account stands out for its brutality and severity.

And yet, her account landed like one more body on the pile in a mass grave: reduced by the multitude of other accusations rather than amplified by them.

There was media coverage of Carroll’s accusation and social media discussion of it, but it never truly sufficiently sunk in and gathered the gravity it deserved.

Then Dean Baquet, executive editor of The Times, even said this newspaper “underplayed” the article it published on the accusation.

And Trump, in his swelling depravity,  responded to the allegations by telling The Hill: “I’ll say it with great respect: Number one, she’s not my type. Number two, it never happened. It never happened, O.K.?”

Well, sir, which type for you is rape-worthy?

To you, America, I ask: What is the breaking point? Is there a breaking point? Does nothing now matter that used to matter? Do we simply allow this accusation to pass like all the others, using the limping excuse that whether or not the man who sits in the Oval Office is a sexual predator or not, he was sufficiently litigated in the 2016 election?

A sickness has settled on this country. We are stuck in a stupor. People have settled in themselves that the only remedy is at the ballot box in 2020, mostly because that is what they are incessantly being told.

And just a few days on from the rape allegation, the news of the moment has shifted. We eagerly anticipate a sorting to emerge from the Democratic debates, anticipate Robert Mueller’s testimony before Congress and anticipate Trump’s performance in Asia.

There are other crises, other emergencies, other traumas. Trump is waging war on immigrants, waging war on the environment, and has hinted at waging war on Iran.

How to weigh one woman’s tale of victimization — or that of multiple women — by Trump against a world being driven into chaos by Trump? Mustn’t our concern shrink relative to our concern for the rest of humanity? In a life in which the human capacity for outrage is limited and wanes, mustn’t we aim it at the most egregious offense?

I say that this allegation, if true, is the most egregious offense. Not the most deadly or having the most consequences for future generations, but absolutely the most revelatory about character, privilege and abuse of power.

This would be an act of the most intimate violence performed by the man who is now president himself, flesh to flesh, not with the numbing distance of a signature on an executive order or an offense screamed out at one of his rage rallies.

This president acts as if he is above the law, or is the law. He lies and he cheats and he bullies. He is hateful and rude and racist. He talks about women to whom he is attracted as if they’re objects to be possessed and about women who dare to challenge him as enemies who must be destroyed.

Carroll’s allegation fits the behaviors that have been established or alleged. America owes it to itself to deeply ponder it, and possibly hear sworn testimony about whether it’s true.

Or, conversely, America can simply sleepwalk its way to the polls in 2020 hoping the world is still intact when it opens its eyes.

[geek-patient-zero]

Part 1, Chapter 4

Or:  AAAAARRRRRRRRRTTT!!!

Blood War: Masquerade of the Red Death Trilogy Volume 1

Washington, DC--March 11, 1994

Meet Makish, another Assamite assassin. He’s waiting in front of Union Station for a two o’clock AM meeting with his “mysterious employer.” It’s 1:59.

A small, slender male, with mahogany skin, slicked-down black hair, and too-wide smile, Makish attracted little attention other than that of an occasional bum asking for a handout. Or a hooker hoping to make some spare change. The few policemen, anxious to make it through the shift without any trouble, treated him as if he was invisible. Whenever one of them walked by, Makish grinned widely and sang out in a high-pitched, nasal voice, “Good evening, officer. I am waiting for my ride home, officer. Good to see you, sir.”

The “act annoyingly nice” method of getting city people to avoid you works, but I’m not sure it’d go so well for a clearly non-white dude doing it to a cop.

Union Station is the most secure building in DC’s southeast side. Half of the capitol is apparently like something out of a Snake Plisskin movie, or the beginning of Demolition Man where the street gang had anti-aircraft weapons.

The nation’s capital was infested with drug lords, crime bosses, and crooked politicians. Each controlled packs of thugs who engaged in a violent, ruthless war for territory. The small, outmanned, and outgunned District of Columbia police force had long conceded the street to the outlaws. North and West, where the major government buildings stood, were comparatively safe. The National Guard helped keep the peace. South and East, near Capitol Hill and the train station, justice came from the muzzle of a gun.

Remember the author’s note at the start of the book: the setting is a harsher, crueler version of our own world. What this usually means when it comes to Vampire: The Masquerade is that even ignoring the vampires, demons, etc., things are worse than in real life. The gap between rich and poor is larger. Slums are more run down and unlivable. The crime rate, especially homicide, is higher. The politicians and police are more corrupt. Corporations are more untouchable and all-powerful. There’re more specific examples too, like the levees in New Orleans being more poorly built and prone to breaking and flooding the city. Obviously that bit didn’t age well after 2005.

I know what you’re thinking. The most obvious and cynical take here’s that, except for all the supernatural crap, there’s no actual difference between real life and the World of Darkness. It’s 2019, and Poe’s Law reigns.

But whatever the case, this theme is usually subtler elsewhere than here in Blood War, where the fucking capital of the United States is under siege by street gangs to the point where the National Guard has to defend the seat of power but leave the rest to the street gangs and the drug lords and politicians they secretly or not so secretly work for.

Makish looks down on DC’s criminal element. See, he’s not just an assassin. He’s an artist.

Makish couldn’t understand the senseless violence. The cheap hoods who killed for gang honor and loose change disgusted him. They acted like wild animals, with no appreciation for art. Murder needed to be done with style, with panache. Makish was a connoisseur of extermination. Most Kindred thrived on blood. Makish drew his sustenance from murder. He was the supreme assassin in the world of the undead.

Fun fact. In later editions of the tabletop, the Assamites have three different castes: warriors, sorcerers, and viziers. Viziers are the “scholars and artisans” of the clan. Like Makish, they take their art seriously and obsess over it. Unlike Makish, the art doesn’t have to involve killing people. It’s easy to think Makish is a vizier, but since this book came out early in the tabletop’s existence I don’t think viziers were a thing yet. At least not like how they’re described in the link. So he’s more likely just an eccentric warrior.

“I believe you are waiting for me?” asked a voice slightly behind and to the right of Makish. It was exactly two hours past midnight.

“That’s how you arrive exactly on time, McCann, you wuss.”

Makish is caught off guard, since no one’s passed by him for a few minutes. The speaker, a tall and lean figure in a raincoat and slouch hat that hides their identity, appeared from nowhere. He beckons for Makish to walk with him out to the streets, saying that it’s more private outside and “there is work to be done.”

Their destination is east, in Washington’s worst slums. During their walk, they talk business, and we learn that Makish was the one who hired McCann’s would-be assassins on his employer’s orders. The employer’s aware that the assassins died, but he’s all “as expected, things are going exactly as planned” about it like a Greg Weisman villain.

“The other arrangements you requested proceed on schedule,” said Makish. “The work will be finished tomorrow.”

“Excellent,” said the stranger. “Though I expect no less. You come highly recommended. And cost too much for the services you provide.”

“I charge what I am worth,” replied Makish. “Success cannot be measured in mere dollars.”

“A wonderful sentiment for these times,” said the other dryly. “You have an artist’s temperament. In a few minutes, we shall discover if your skills match your arrogance.”

Then raincoat guy’s stripping.

Reaching up, the stranger removed his hat. Makish’s eyes widened when he saw his employer’s features. The speaker’s chalk-white face was that of a long-dead corpse, with decayed skin stretched across his hairless skull. Streaks of crimson stained his cheeks and forehead. With a smile, the horror turned to the assassin. “I am known as The Red Death. Touching my flesh would be a terrible mistake.”

Ah. It’s just Red D. revealing his identity to Makish.

Makish nodded, watching the stranger remove his raincoat.

Underneath the raincoat, the Red Death is still wearing the tattered shroud held together with moldering bandages he had on at The Club Diabolique. He knows enough to hide his identity in public with a coat and hat, but doesn’t want to compromise on his ancient horror look by putting on a pair of sweats or some shoes. The narration said earlier that the streets are empty because it’s the middle of the night and there’s a cold snap, but that’s no guarantee someone isn’t watching. If I were hanging around a slum at two AM, an ugly stranger wearing a coat but no pants or shoes would draw my attention more. I’d think he’s a flasher and I was about to get an eyeful of his withered zombie penis.

Or, that he’s a sitcom protagonist on his way to his girlfriend-of-the-season’s place with a sexy surprise, but uh oh, her parents are visiting, and after some wacky misunderstandings and pratfalls they’ll get an eyeful of his withered zombie penis.

No, wait, you know what he looks like, with his coat and hat over his shroud and wrappings? Imagine a cosplayer who’s been walking the floor of a convention for hours. They’re tired, their makeup and costume’s getting messed up, they’re cold, and they clearly don’t give a shit anymore so they just put on a coat over their elaborate get-up and wander around for another half hour before calling it a day.

They’re still walking east through this crime-infested neighborhood, Makish presumably dressed like a normal person and the Red Death like a half-naked mummy (though not a World of Darkness mummy, as they’re yet another creature that exists in it). The coat and hat aren’t mentioned again, so it seems that Red D. just dumped them on the sidewalk somewhere, like a normal person would. He’s also got his Body of Fire discipline activated.

Though he stood several feet away from the grim figure, Makish could feel the heat emanating from the Red Death’s body. It felt as if the mysterious vampire was on fire, without the flames.

Things have gotta feel awkward for Makish right now. The Red Death makes things even more uncomfortable by changing the subject immediately after revealing himself to grill Makish about his past.

“You are a renegade, no longer obeying the commands of your clan?” said the Red Death. It was more statement than question.

“The Society of Leopold killed my sire,” declared Makish defensively. There was little respect among the Kindred for those vampires without a clan.

They don’t use the word here, but Makish may be what Kindred call an antitribu. Antitribus are vampires who reject the political loyalties and culture of their clan, usually by joining the opposing sect or going independent. Think of a Brujah in the Sabbat, or a Lasombra in the Camarilla. Makish has left the already independent Assamites to become a free agent. Next book, we'll learn he's willing to take contracts on other Assamites, which is forbidden in the clan. While I’m not sure if that makes him an antitribu if you go by the strictest definition, I think it’s close enough that you can call him one.

Makish was one of those vampires who’re close to their sire. He wanted revenge on the Society of Leopold for killing them, but the Assamite elders at their main base in Alamut, Iran refused, concerned that letting him go all Death Wish on human enemies would jeopardize the Masquerade. Remember, while the Camarilla are the sect most obsessed with upholding the Masquerade, according to this book it was first started by the methuselahs after the fall of the Second City, so all vampires are supposed to follow it. Makish ignored orders and killed the humans involved in the hit. And the humans who ordered the hit. And their families. In total, Indian Charles Bronson here killed one hundred and fourteen people to avenge his sire.

“I thought it only proper to make a personal statement of my grief. My sire deserved a fitting memorial.”

Phht. Artists...

The elders at Alamut don’t tolerate loose cannons even if they’re damn good cops assassins, and attempted to summon Makish back to “explain [his] actions.”

“I politely but firmly declined the invitation. That was when I began working as an independent contractor.”

“Six Kindred disappeared delivering that request,” said the Red Death, chuckling.

“They refused to accept my decision as final,” replied Makish. He spread his arms out, as if appealing to a jury. “I had no choice but to convince them that I meant what I said. Five further failed attempts finally convinced Hasan’s minions to leave me alone.”

Makish notes that the Red Death knows quite a lot about him.

“My plans involve both the Camarilla and the Sabbat,” said the Red Death. “While the Camarilla claim this city, there are traces of the Sabbat here as well. I require an assistant loyal to neither sect. You are the best available choice.”

Remember back in the previous chapter when I was ranting about how some of the mystery around the Red Death was compromised so soon after his introduction? You notice how I never brought up how he just straight up announces his Sabbat affiliation? That’s because he was lying about that.

They’ve walked three blocks since the start of their conversation. The narration gives us another taste of the World of Darkness’s version of Washington, DC.

They were deep in the heart of gang territory. With the ruins of rusted cars, weed-infested lots, and seedy tenements, the street resembled photos of war-torn Sarajevo more than the capital of the United States.

Laying it on a little thick there, Mr. Weinberg.

The Red Death stops in front of a deserted-looking building, described as a “gutted brick structure.” He senses some vampires inside.

“The Camarilla rules the capital, but they cannot be everywhere. A Sabbat pack controls the drug traffic in this part of the city. It is time for them to learn the meaning of fear.”

The plan’s simple, but a classic villain move. Red D. will deal with the vampires, Makish with the ghouls except one. They’ll need a survivor to tell the story.

Question is, why does Red D. need Makish for this part of the plan at all? He was perfectly capable of leaving witnesses during his rampage at the Club Diabolique, and he shouldn’t have any problems handling mortals. It might have to do with how the Sabbat operates. Their low level cannon fodder troops tend to be vicious, stupid, and treated as disposable. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d do that fight scene thing where there’s one mook standing who’d just watched one guy take down all of their buddies but charge him anyway, kamikazeing on the Red Death’s literally hot bod.

They enter the building and eventually come to a basement stairway, but it’s guarded by two security cameras. The Red Death’ll probably have Makish hack them. In Bloodlines, you’d have to find a computer and have a high enough hacking stat (or more likely just look up the passwords on Gamefaqs, because why waste the experience points when you could just do that). Or he’ll just destroy them. Beyond teleporting, it’s not like the Red Death is big on stealth, dramatic bastard that he is. Or-

“Childish toys,” said the Red Death. “I assume you can neutralize them.”

Makish nodded and pointed a finger at the devices. After a few seconds, he smiled. “I froze the picture on their screen,” he declared. “Anyone monitoring the hall will see nothing unusual. I disabled the traps in the floor and walls at the same time.”

...Or Makish could use his psychic powers to remotely hack the cameras and eliminate all the traps. The fuck!? What discipline is that!? If this were the tabletop this would lead to a long derailing argument with the storyteller.

“Fools,” said the Red Death. “Depending on machinery for protection is the mark of incompetents. They deserve to perish.”

People who say shit like this tend to have had laptop trouble--or since this is 1994, VCR trouble--a few minutes beforehand and are being passive aggressive about it. The Red Death’s probably just pissed that his technological illiteracy made him miss an episode of Beverly Hills, 90210.

They head downstairs to a small foyer with all the security stuff, including the video monitors Makish psychic hacked, and a large biker-looking ghoul.

His first glimpse of Makish was his last. He died silently, his head twisted about a full 360 degrees. Though not very big, the Assamite assassin had incredibly strong wrists.

Impressive, but how did he achieve that? Did he twist the ghoul’s head a few times like a bottle cap? Or did he just smack him so hard his head spun around like that scene from Kung Fu Hustle?

They enter this Sabbat pack’s main headquarters, and Red D. flexes his inner drama student again.

“Greetings from the Camarilla,” he announced in a harsh voice. “I am the Red Death.”

"Yes, 'tis I! The Red Death of The Camarilla! I like to do Camarilla things! Antediluvians don't exist! Diablerie is baaaaad!"

Compared to the Club Diabolique, this drug den is a sad little affair. There’s just two vampires, finishing off a victim, and eight more biker or punk-looking ghouls gathered around a TV and watching Beavis and Butthead. No, really, I’m not making a joke. They’re watching Beavis and Butthead. It’s to show that they’re “typical young punks” but to be fair there’s no proof that the Camarilla vampires from earlier also don’t watch B&B during their free time. They just wouldn’t watch it at the club because the parts where Beavis and Butthead riff on rock music videos would piss off old man Vargoss. 

Anyway, Makish immediately gets to work.

Ghouls were tough, stronger and quicker than normal human beings. The taste of vampire blood heightened their awareness and physical abilities. But they were helpless as children against the assassin.

Again, no mention of the whole “no free will, slaves to their master” deal with ghouls.

Makish moved so fast that his motions blurred. He raced from punk to punk in an intricate pattern, resembling a complex dance. His fingers, hard as steel, ripped and tore at the bodies of his foes.

There’s several sentences about all the geysers of blood he’s causing and how it’s splashing everywhere and how the drug den looks like a slaughterhouse now. Normally a vampire would have trouble controlling themselves around so much spilled blood.

Unlike most vampires, Makish held the beast within his soul under tight control. So much warm blood would have sent other Kindred into a mad frenzy. Not Makish. He drank blood when necessary, for the physical nourishment it provided his body. Killing gave him life.

Sounds like someone’s been getting good hunger rolls. Or is it willpower rolls? I’ve never played the tabletop game.

The Beast. It doesn’t get brought up that often in this book. It’s the name Kindred use to refer to the bundle of monstrous urges and compulsions they constantly have to keep in check. Here’s what the White Wolf wiki had to say about it:

“Beast is a term used by vampires to describe the inner predator that strives for control over a cainite's mind.

[...]

The Beast is an innate demonic predator that awakens within each and every vampire upon their Embrace. It stands in direct opposition to a vampire’s Humanity (and in some cases the Paths of Enlightenment) and is responsible for many of the debased urges Cainites feel on a nightly basis. In times of extreme distress the Beast can overwhelm a vampire forcing them into a state of pure animalistic fight or flight, which is referred to as Frenzy or Rötschreck.”

If they don’t keep their inner beast under control, a vampire ends up going into a frenzy, uncontrollably killing anyone they either perceive as a threat or who they can feed on, consequences and Masquerade be damned. For example, if Makish were to frenzy right now, he’d kill every ghoul in the room against the Red Death’s wishes and then ravenously try to slurp up all the blood he spilled. Or he’d just run away because there’s a fire monster in the room and fire is bad.

All the other Vampire: The Masquerade media I’ve seen, like Bloodlines and L.A. by Night, tend to focus on the Beast with all the drama and pathos you can expect from monsters trying to keep their humanity. Sometimes they get too wanky about it. Blood War is different in this regard. Maybe it wasn’t as focused on in the early days of the franchise.

We get several paragraphs describing Makish’s kills, and learn more about his “artistic” mentality.

“To the assassin, art meant style and substance. Makish served as his own worst critic.

Don’t we all, buddy. Don’t we all.

A satisfactory murder required a minimum of effort with a maximum result. He strove to waste not a motion. Death was a broad canvas on which he painted his masterpieces of destruction. Whenever possible, he worked with Thermit. The explosive powder provided flash and color to an otherwise drab business. Though the assassin’s expression as he worked remained fixed, mentally he strove to attain the blessed state of the perfect kill.

He kills the first three ghouls in thirty seconds, each in different ways.

The first ghoul died with its throat torn out, nearly decapitated. The second collapsed on the floor in a steaming pile of its own insides, ripped from it with a disemboweling stroke of needle-like claws. The third screamed once, then choked to death on his own blood as Makish slammed his nose into his brain.

This is how Makish’s kills are typically described. The ones that don’t involve explosives, anyway. A simple move, and the victim explodes into a pile of gore, described graphically but almost offhandedly by the narration. He’s dancing around killing these guys in varying ways, and the way it’s portrayed I can see how it could be “artistic”. It still gets tiring after a while seeing yet another description like: “Makish slapped the ghoul on the back, causing his entire digestive tract to rocket out of his mouth. AAAAARRRRRRRRRTTT!!!”

The fourth ghoul is the one Makish spares to tell the story later. He smacks him out of the room, into the foyer. Instead of running, the fool conveniently watches in horror as Makish finishes off his buddies in under a minute.

The triumph of his art rushed through him like a powerful drug. He found the exercise an invigorating, if short, encounter. Simple, uncomplicated deaths, they required little effort. The truly satisfying kills, those done with explosives, would come later.

Yadda, yadda, yadda, you get the point. AAAAARRRRRRRRRTTT!!!

Makish checks to see how the Red Death’s doing. The big guy’s got the two Kindred by the throat, one in each hand, and, in contrast to his quicker Diabolique Club kills, is slowly cooking them alive. Soon, though...

The monstrous figure laughed. A wave of incredible heat poured out of his body, sending the temperature of the room soaring. With a faint popping sound, a trace of fire appeared around the Red Death’s fingers, like a crimson set of brass knuckles. The imprisoned Kindred shrieked in unbelievable agony as the tiny flames touched their cheeks, setting them ablaze.

They burned like dry, rotted wood. Flesh melted, eyeballs exploded, bones crackled and burst like rotted sticks. Makish, no stranger to violence, shook his head in amazement.  In a thousand years of murder he had never witnessed anything like this before. The Red Death was approriately named. He was flame incarnate.

Impressive, but remember that during all of this Beavis and Butthead is playing on the nearby TV. Their uhhhhuhuhuhs and hehehehehes would be heard over the Red Death’s little show. It ruins the moment a little.

(Heheheh! Fire! Fire! Fire!)

Their chosen witness runs away, and everyone else is dead. The Red Death is pleased. He expects news of this will spread.

“The Sabbat anarchs will demand immediate revenge against the Camarilla.”

Sabbat “Anarchs” huh? Well, that’s another thing I’ll have to rant about later. This chapter recap’s long enough.

"Prince Vitel and his council of advisors will retaliate swiftly to any such action. They know the Sabbat hungers to control the capital. A push or two in the right direction should finish the job. A single incident will escalate quickly into a major battle between the rival cults.”

[...]

“A Sabbat attack is assured. Leaving me free to pursue my objectives without interruptions.”

The Red Death smiled. “It is almost too easy.”

So Red D.’s acting out false flag operations in order to start a war (a blood war, you could say, and Makish does) between the Camarilla and the Sabbat, which’ll distract both of them from whatever he’s planning. Makish points out that hundreds, maybe thousands of vampires will die. The Red Death concludes by hinting at his true goals.

“The existence of the entire Cainite race depends on the success of my mission,” said the Red Death, all humor gone from its voice. “If I fail, entire generations of vampires will die in a slaughter unmatched in history. I must succeed, no matter the cost.”

*softly, from the other side of the room* “Settle down, Beavis.”

Now there’s one major flaw in Red D.’s plan I can point out. So far, his false flag attacks involved him arriving at a faction’s haven, introducing himself and declaring his allegiance to the other faction before killing a few people. But why is he exposing himself at all? Last chapter, Tyrus Benedict mentioned that the Camarilla has spies in the Sabbat, and presumably the Sabbat has spies in the Camarilla as well. Wouldn’t those spies discover that the same horrible fire vampire is attacking both sides, and come to the conclusion that he’s trying to start a conflict? Even without the spies, wouldn’t they discover the deception when one side, I don’t know, demands that the other side turn over the Red Death or something? Maybe Red D.’s counting on the tit for tat bullshit between the factions crossing the point of no return before it could make a difference? And the Camarilla and Sabbat would never actually team up against him. But he’s still drawing unwanted attention to himself, and at least some resources will be used against him that wouldn’t otherwise if he stuck to the shadows and kept his big dumb mouth shut.

Or maybe I should follow Makish’s lead.

Makish, who had been employed by fanatics many times in the past, knew better than to respond.

[oosteven-universe]

Jennifer Blood #002

Jennifer Blood #002 Dynamite Entertainment 2021 Written by Fred Van Lente Illustrated by Vincenzo Federici Coloured by Dearbhla Kelly Lettered by Simon Bowland    There's a new sheriff in the criminal-run town of Bountiful, and it's Giulietta Romeo, Europe's top hitwoman!  Giulietta's hot on the trail of Jennifer Blood, and needs to get her hands on the legendary vigilante's "war journal" to help her--but the crooked judge who has it wants to strike a deadly bargain for it!  It's the annual Fourth of July celebration in Bountiful, and you can bet Jennifer Blood is bringing the fireworks!    The more I see of this book the more I love it!  Unlike a town where those in witness protection are placed with changed names or places where they can be rehabilitated this town is run as corrupt as the citizens themselves are and the idea alone is worth its weight in gold.  That these folks think Jennifer is dead and have hired Giulietta to deal with a copycat situation.  Of course they believe she’s dead but then half the folks in this town have faked their death at some point so who knows what the real answer is and Giulietta while full of herself and overconfident in her skills really seems to be no match for what’s really going on here.    I’m loving the way that this is being told.  The story & plot development that we see through how the sequence of events unfold as well as how the reader learns information is presented exceptionally well.  The character development that we see through the narration, the dialogue, the character interaction as well as how we see them act and react to the situations and circumstances which they encounter does a magnificent job in fleshing their personalities out even further.  The pacing is excellent and as it takes us through the pages revealing more of the story and the revelations the more anxious I am to see what’s going to happen next.    I’m very appreciative of the way that we see this being structured and how the layers within the story continue to emerge, grow, evolve and strengthen.  I like how these layers open up new avenues to be explored as well as how they show us the sins of the past that would’ve attracted Jennifer to them in the first place.  All of this adds some wonderful depth, dimension and complexity to the story.  How we see everything working together to create the story’s ebb & flow as well as how it moves the story forward is immaculately achieved.    I like the style of the interiors here.  The linework is fantastic and how we see the varying weights and techniques being utilised to create the detail within the work that we see is amazing stuff.  We see some backgrounds being utilised throughout but we could always see more of them to really enhance and expand the moments.  They also work within the composition of the panels to bring out the depth perception, sense of scale and the overall sense of size and scope to the story.  The utilisation of the page layouts and how we see the angles and perspective in the panels show a remarkably talented eye for storytelling.  The various hues and tones within the colours being utilised to create the shading highlights and shadow work show a stellar eye for how colour works.      I think this kind of series is sorely missing from the stands right now.  She’s like a fixer only; she doesn’t take on clients who are living but for avenging those that have died thanks to the actions of others.  That we don’t see a whole lot of things happening outright but through subterfuge so we are basically learning alongside the characters and I love this tactic I think it's brilliantly handled.  With some intelligent writing and stunning characterisation all of which is wrapped up in these fantastic interiors make this a surefire standout.