#and being unable to do anything about the situation is driving me crazy

[grassbreads]

A single email has disrupted my entire day

[hannieehaee]

How about yn taking care of Jeonghan's broken ankle ?

content: idol!jeonghan x nonidol!reader, established relationship, massage, mentions of nudity and showering together (not explicit), mentions of his injured ankle, fluff, etc.

wc: 1213

a/n: genuinely believe he'd either immediately feed into being taken care of or fight you all the way through it. there's no in between

masterlist

"yah! i already told you you don't have to do this!", whined jeonghan despite his clear struggle to get himself up from bed.

"baby, it's only been a few days since you got the cast on. i'm going to help you, i don't care how stubborn you are," you argued back, still helping him up by offering your shoulder for him to lean on.

with a frustrated yet playful groan, jeonghan used your arm for support, struggling to get up from the bed as you helped him get on his two feet with the support of the crutches you'd been holding out for him.

he grumbled a 'thank you' and pressed a chaste kiss to your cheek when he finally got a firm hold of his crutches and was able to stand on his own, making his way out of the room with you following behind.

jeonghan always enjoyed being the caretaker in every relationship in his life. whether it be for his parents, sister, members, or you, jeonghan felt an innate need to take care of others in every way he could.

however, after recently hurting his ankle and requiring surgery for it, jeonghan had found himself unable to work his way through his usual daily tasks, not entirely used to the current state of his ankle.

he realized that his situation wasnt too bad. it couldve been worse, after all. but it was still proving to be quite an inconvenience, specially as he was bound to stay home for a few months while his members continued to work and tour without him.

jeonghan knew how lucky he was to have you stay home with him to tend to his every need, – even to an exaggerated extent – but he still couldnt help but fight you in every step of the way, insisting that you taking care of small tasks such as getting up to get a water bottle for him or brushing his hair in the morning was completely unnecessary. he enjoyed being tended to immensely, but he simply felt badly about having you go out of your way, unable to give anything back in return.

unfortunately for him, you were equally as stubborn as him, refusing to not care for the poor boy as he pretended not to struggle through simple tasks.

~

"hannie! stop moving! just let me wash you, okay?"

"you don't have to help me bathe! i can still move my arms!", he whined, throwing his head back in a petulant manner.

"jeonghan!" you grabbed his face in your hands and made him look at you, groaning at the pleased look on his face at knowing he was wearing you down, "i'm going to help you! i don't care if you can do this on your own, i want to take care of you, okay? now sit your ass down and stay still while i wash your hair. understood?"

he grinned at your serious demeanor, finding the furrow of your eyebrows and pout of your lips to be extremely adorable, even if he was driving you crazy. he nodded in a childlike fashion and gave a response of 'yes ma'am' before leaning back against you and letting you squirt some shampoo on his head.

it was easy for him to relax in your hold as you ran your hands through his hair, becoming extremely sleepy at the soft scratches against his scalp. humming against you, he murmured thank you's for being so nice to him despite him being a pest.

you shushed him with a kiss to his bare back and continued taking care of him. you knew how hard he worked, and how he was likely sore in all other areas of his body due to his endless and extraneous work. truly, you were kind of taking this break as an excuse to pamper him in ways you'd always wanted to – except that in regular circumstances, he would always pull a fast one on you and flip the cards, taking care of you instead.

after washing him up (and him insisting he help you wash up too), you helped your pretty boy get dressed and make his way to bed, where you held him in your arms as you attempted to sleep.

after feeding him his medicine, you fell into slumber next to each other, holding onto one another for warmth. falling asleep next to him was your favorite part, as you knew he was fully relaxed and no longer in pain – and he also couldnt fight you when you'd gradually wake up to check in on him.

~

it had now been a few weeks since jeonghan's surgery. the cast had been removed, but he still struggled a lot with soreness and was advised to stay home for a few more weeks. however, this did not derail you in your insistence to aid him with tasks such as bathing every so often or making his meals.

it took a bit for you to realize, extremely sleepy after a long day at work, – having only gone back a few days due to jeonghan's insistence – but jeonghan began fidgeting in the middle of the night, letting out quiet groans of complaint. blinking the sleepiness out of your eyes, you sat up to check what was wrong, making him sigh at being caught struggling (god forbid).

"baby? what's wrong?"

"nothing, angel, go back to sleep," he dismissed, sitting up and bringing his legs up to sit cross legged, pulling his hurt ankle higher up so he could rub at it.

"is it hurting, hannie?"

he nodded, wincing when he rubbed particularly hard. that's when you intervened, helping him turn towards you so you could take his foot into your own hand.

"let me help, okay?" you murmured, giving him a look of compassion that practically begged for him to not fight you on this.

likely very sleepy and worn down, he nodded silently, humming when your hands began to expertly rub at his foot, making him groan in appreciation at how well you were able to rid him of the soreness.

you massaged his foot silently for a few minutes, enjoying the low groans of pleasure jeonghan occasionally let out at the pain relief you were giving him.

"how are you so good at it?", he breathed out, eyes closed in relaxation.

you chuckled, "i did some research. wanted to make sure you didn't feel any pain as you healed."

he groaned adorably, "you're an angel," he breathed in complete relaxation, "don't deserve you."

"yeah, i know," you giggled.

"yah!"

"sorry, hannie. love you," you stopped for a second to grab at one of his hands and kiss the back of it, letting go to go back to his ankle.

jeonghan had different plans, though, grabbing onto your hand and pulling you to him, once again cuddling you on your shared bed.

"hannie, the massage-"

he grumbled, shaking his head, "feel so much better already. wanna sleep with you now, okay? just lay with me," he nuzzled his head into your hair, stubborn in the way he held you far too close to him (but just close enough).

"love you," he murmured, "thank you for taking care of me this past month."

"you're so fucking annoying," you rebutted, "love you more."

[lovely-keii]

being their sibling

characters: tsukishima kei, oikawa tooru, suna rintarou

a/n: i write a fic every time i rewatch hq LOL sorry ik i said im abandoning this blog buuuut…happy bday to this blog!! (repost from 1/5 because tags broke :(( )

part 1

TSUKISHIMA KEI

looks out for you, but he can’t help that hes so emotionally constipated :’( he tries to give you advice because he genuinely is concerned for you but just is unable to word anything properly. see: “you need to stop talking to that person, you’re being a pushover,” but he just wants you to realize you’re letting people walk all over you.

god forbid he has to comfort you because hes the wrong brother for that - you’re definitely in better hands with akiteru. he might walk in on you crying and contemplate if he’ll even say anything or just ignore it flat out, or he’ll say something like “don’t cry, you look stupid.” if you cry more, he’ll end up swallowing his pride and sitting next to you. he’ll groan and reluctantly, “fine, spill it.”

other than that, he’s going to be a sneaky little prick. definitely the type to take revenge on you if you annoy him. you eat the last piece of chocolate he was saving and suddenly you find your charger hidden deep under your bed. also loves to take things without your permission. “why? i’m just using it, it’s not like you need it now.”

if someone picks a fight with you, he’ll be quick to extract you from the situation before saying something ruder and harsher than usual to the person. and if you tell him you like someone from his team, he’s going to look at you like you’re crazy. “are you insane?!” he’s honestly more bewildered than upset. doesn’t let you anywhere near the gym. he can make an exception for yamaguchi though. “at least it’s not hinata…or worse, kageyama.”

OIKAWA TOORU

your life is never boring with this guy as your brother. you’re literally being dragged everywhere, practices, shopping, team events… you’re like “i’m not even part of the team.” he goes “we can fix that!” and the next day you find out that you’re the manager for the boys’ volleyball team. huh, wonder how that happened.

oh my god, he MILKS you being his manager. “hold my drink, my fans are calling.” “y/n get my towel please.” you’re absolutely seething at the power trip that this guy is on. eventually, you start doing all that for his other team members and not for him, and he gets so whiney. “y/n you’ll get big ugly iwaizumi a towel but not your own sweet brother?!” that earns him a spike to the head from iwaizumi.

he tells you all the gossip about the school, because believe me, he knows A LOT of things. he’ll do his skin care while he forces you to listen to his gossip, cue him getting mad if you try to leave. everyone realizes why you two are siblings when you two walk down the halls and pull the exact same faces at the people he’s told you about in his gossip.

he makes you his little scapegoat for his fangirls. “oh, you want my number? you’ll have to ask y/n for that, they keep my phone with them during practice!” (you dont) “now, why don’t you girls hand all these gifts to my lovely sibling for me?” (you almost immediately chuck them at his face when you see him) but you know the best way to get back at him? when he sees you even slightly conversing with ushijima or kageyama, all hell breaks loose.

SUNA RINTAROU

the devil if the devil was your brother. he takes the ugliest pictures of you, when you’re asleep, when you’re yelling, when you’re crying over a movie. he also loves to send you pictures of animals and send a “look at you in this picture, so cute”. he also takes your things without asking and never returns it, you’ll just find it in his bag one day.

he also is one to order you around, and it drives you mad. “pass me the remote, y/n.” “but it’s nearer to you.” “i’ll tell mom that you-” // “y/n get me a drink from the vending machine.” “why would i do that” “remember when you snuck out and i-” // “get my bag too when you get yours.” “no.” “what i post that one picture of you when you’re about to sneeze-”

but he’s always looking out for you. when creeps try to approach you, he’s quick to react by shooting them a nasty glare. he’s a silent kind of care. standing behind you on elevators, walking on the outer side of the sidewalk, staying up late til you come home and just telling you he just couldnt sleep. little do you know, it’s something he’s always done even as a kid. putting more food on your lunch box, holding the corner of tables when you pick something up so you don’t hit your head, returning your things that are sprawled around the house to your room so you don’t lose them.

and if he ever finds you crying over some guy, he sighs and sits down next to you. “why’re you crying over an idiot?” he then makes snappy insults at the expense of the guy, making you laugh. “see? you look better like that. now stop crying and let me get some sleep.” he closes the light and shuts the door on his way out.

[dilfprayers]

Sad Girl.

older leon kennedy x reader tw; mentions of death / self harm & sex - old man leon being comforting sigh ( recent death island manga page fucked with my brain!!!! ahhh!!! he's a natural comforter!! )

Rain droplets trickle down the window - Your cheek brushed up along it and the coldness from it numbs your once warm skin. Tears are streaming down from your eyes while he sits there, one hand on the wheel as the other brushed your thigh gently. He tried being comforting, seeing the distress on your face. Prior to this, he did have to drive all the way to get you after you were drinking like crazy at a bar. Alone. You had previously got into a heated argument with your shitty boyfriend. No wonder why you wanted to drink your sorrows away. If anything, you probably wanted to rot in that bar anyways. Alcohol poisoning didn't sound too bad since cutting wasn't good enough for you. But luckily, you had someone who cared. Leon.

He was the guy you saw on the side after getting tired of your boyfriend. You'd see him, act normally and have sex at a motel. You'd completely slut yourself out for him. It made your pay better when you opened up about being into that 'daddy' shit. He was astonished and offered to pay more after that. Yeah - all that shit for some cash in your pocket cause your job wasn't doing enough and your boyfriend took your serious situations as some kind of joke. But that was besides the point -- you both developed some kind of relationship and he started to deeply care about you as a person. So of course, he wasn't gonna allow you to tear your life away like that. He had that alcoholic stage before.. So when he caught you at the bar, it put a strain on his heart and he got you out of there in an instant before decided to take you back home. Or at least, you thought you'd be going back home. "Hun, you don't wanna go back to your apartment. Do you?" You kept quiet, acting puzzled for a second. You wanted to play dumb, ask him; "What do you mean? I do want to go home.." Thing is, he knows. He just knows. Always did from the start. Your gaze remained down to his hand that kept rubbing your thigh. Normally you'd be turned on by this, heated from merely a touch on your body like that but this physical contact was what you needed. In a wholesome way of course - Something your boyfriend clearly lacked in doing. He never gave you the comfort or the time of day and if you had to go another day like this, sneaking with Leon at night then coming back home to your shitty boyfriend, you'd probably lose your mind. "Your silence answered my question... I'm taking you home."

"What-? Then why the hell would you ask me that question then if you were gonna take me back to my apartment anyways?" He's quiet then suddenly a throaty chuckle left him as the lights turned green from above, signaling the cars on the road to move again. The car rumbled and he continued to drive, keeping his focus on the road. "No darling, I think you don't get what home is."

"...What?" You're completely buzzed out - all that drinking clearly had you unable to think straight so he explained it for you at some point as the rain pours down from the gloomy sky. "I mean, I'm taking you with me."

With you? You wanted to talk back, protest even. Keep lying that you were fine but you kept your mouth shut, slowly slumping back into the car seat. This was the one time you were gonna allow someone to make a decision for you cause you knew that even with your protests, he'd do what he wanted anyways but that was probably why you loved him so much. He wanted the best for you, even if it was to take care of you.

He moved his hand away from your thigh, putting it on the wheel as he continues on driving. He did share a glance or two with you, putting on a warm smile before focusing on the road again. "Before you ask, cause I know you'll ask. I dealt with that guy. He won't bother you anymore." "Oh. But what about my-" "Your belongings? I'm gathering them tomorrow morning. I got everything covered. Don't worry your little head." Silent, again.. You quietly nodded, gazing back out the window while the rest of that car ride was quiet for the most part - He didn't want to bother you any further -- he just wanted you to relax and rest your head. You deserved that much after all the shit you've been through anyways. But even in your depressed state and him going behind your back to plan this out, you were nothing but grateful. "Thank you, Leon..."

[sluttyminghao]

hard thoughts of the day

either mingyu or jeonghan willing to use his body as your sex toy

mingyu tugs cautiously on the black silk ties that are restraining his wrists to the headboard, and his head turns to face you, clad in his favourite red lingerie that drives him crazy.

had he known what you were opting to wear, he would've never suggested being your sex toy for the evening. instead, he would've pulled you over his lap and spanked you stupid, followed by a rough fucking that would make you unable to leave bed for days.

"you ready baby?"

your sultry voice snaps him out of his thoughts, nodding his head and a shy smile peeks onto his lips. you lean down and kiss him in the corner of his mouth, before running your hand down his muscular body, revelling in how his body reacts to you without you doing anything.

you situate yourself between his thighs, admiring how his cock is red and angry, leaking with precum and twitching at the slightest touches. you let your fingers graze over the shaft, mingyu's whines only making your grin grow wider.

"i'm gonna use your pretty cock to my content, and god, it's such a pretty cock"

mingyu whines as you move your hips to balance over his cock, and he can feel the warmth radiating off your body. as you pick up his heavy cock and line it up, he sucks a breath in, and lets it out in the form of a low groan when you begin to sit on him inch by inch.

"always makes me so full...god" you mumble out as you grind against his cock, making sure to clamp your walls around him as soon as you sink down to the base, watching as he tugs against the restraints violently.

you don't give him time (or yourself time for that matter) to adjust, and instead start bouncing up and down at a rapid pace, watching as his limbs grow weak and his eyes roll back in his head. you grin and lean over to flick his nipple, which only makes him groan louder and his hips snap up into you unconsciously.

"god, so good, my good little fuck toy" you grunt out, teasing his nipples and bouncing up and down on his cock rapidly. you watch as his abs contract quickly, his adams apple bobbing and his eyes fluttering with pleasure.

he can't even form sentences, cant tell you when he is about to cum even when there are thick ropes of white shooting inside you while he groans and trembles underneath you. you slow your pace slightly so he can recover, and his post-orgasmic haze is something you don't want leaving your mind.

"how are you baby? you okay?" he nods in confirmation which is all the acceptance you need as you speed your pace up on his cock again, his eyes widening.

"you thought i was done? oh baby no, I'm going to be using you all night long."

[duskspring]

Morning Kisses and Outfits - Ifrit /Dewdrop

Domestic December - Day 7

Summary: Ifrit and Dew share a sappy morning together

Content (do let me know if I forgot anything!): A lot of (lazy) kisses, clingy Dew, water ghoul Dew, mutual simping

Word count: ~1.1k

Ifrit awoke to the feeling of soft kisses repeatedly being placed on his chest. His tired mind tried to ignore it at first, to go back to sleep. But the kisses were insistent. They moved up from his chest to his neck, nibbling down on just the right spot to make his eyes flutter open.

“Iffy,” Dewdrop whined against his skin.

Ifrit smiled as he became more aware. The little water ghoul was half on top of him, kissing each part of skin he was able to reach. Which was a lot, considering Ifrit had forgone wearing a shirt to bed.

“Can I help you?” He jokingly asked.

Dew looked up with a pout, leaning a little closer in a wordless request.

The fire ghoul was all too willing to fulfill said request. He could never resist that messy blond hair and needy look. He leaned in as well in order to lock their lips together.

Dew let out a happy hum, pushing harder against Ifrit’s soft lips. It was lovely waking up next to him, so warm and protected.

His moustache tickled Ifrit’s face as their lips danced together. It was slow and messy. Droll, mostly Dew’s, making its way down both of their chins. He could never get enough of Ifrit, who had such a talent when it came to kissing. He could be demanding or delicate, always delivering whichever suited the situation best.

Dew’s arms came up and wrapped around Ifrit's neck as a means of pulling him even closer. The both of them ignored the ache settling in their necks, much more concerned with continuing the act.

Time was thrown out the window, nothing mattered but the time spent together. They pulled each other yet closer, needing as much physical contact as possible. It felt like the only way they had to prove their adoration for one another.

Nevertheless, as much as they wished to spend the rest of eternity in the half-awake, loving state, the need to go about the day was growing with every minute they didn’t get up.

Ifrit slowly pulled away, “How about,” He moved in for another kiss, “breakfast?” Another kiss.

Dew pulled back with a whine and another pout, not wanting to leave but knowing he had to. He rolled off of Ifrit, back arching off the mattress with a stretch. Ifrit took the chance to admire his smooth, pale chest. The lithe physique enraptured him, nearly driving him crazy with awe. He couldn’t resist the urge to reach over and touch Dew, softly tugging on one of his nipple piercings.

The water ghoul immediately dropped back down with a squeak. He glared at Ifrit, who laid back down with a laugh. He loved pissing Dew off just a little bit, because his idea of ‘revenge’ was just more affection. And indeed he leaned in for yet another drawn out kiss, pushing his face against Ifrit’s in a much harsher manner than before. Ifrit sure didn’t complain. He sat up, his strong arms manhandling the smaller ghoul into his lap, back to his chest. His arms wrapped around his waist, hands on his ribs. His lips went to town on the water ghoul’s neck, kissing, sucking and softly biting the skin.

Dew was unable to hold in his chuckle at their shared clinginess. Ifrit’s heart swelled at the sound, stopping his assault because he couldn’t stop the smile that spread on his face. He twisted Dew around to lean their foreheads together.

“You’re addicting.” He stated.

Dew shrugged, his smile shifting to a more cocky look, “I have that effect.”

Ifrit quickly shut him up by standing up without warning and spinning around with Dew still in his arms. The little man thrashed as if he wanted to escape, but his laugh gave away his joy.

Ifrit very nearly stumbled when he tried to stop swinging. He chuckled, “You’re also dizzying.”

It was Dew’s turn to shut Ifrit up. He immediately leaned in for yet another kiss, one that was instantly reciprocated.

Without breaking away from each other, Ifrit put him back down on the ground and the two stumbled their way over to the closet in the corner of the room.

“You want to,” Ifrit gave another peck, “borrow some of my clothes?”

It wasn’t a bad idea. If they still wanted to make it to breakfast, they’d have to speed things up. Having Dew go past his own room would just take away from the time they could spend together. He nodded enthusiastically, genuienly excited to wear Ifrit’s clothes. They always looked so big on him and smelled like Ifrit, which were absolute benefits.

“Well, what would you like?” The fire ghoul asked, still not being able to go more than one sentence without moving back down to prolong the kiss, “Cause I think you’d,” kiss, “look great,” kiss, “in my Sisters of Mercy shirt,” kiss.

“True,” Dew replied, also cutting himself off with a kiss, “but what about,” another, “that nice tank top?”

“I like the way you think.” Ifrit’s eyes were half-lidded in passion, not looking away from Dew for even a moment. Thus he blindly had to try to reach for the mentioned garment, as well as any pants that may fit the water ghoul.

“You should wear,” Dew interrupted himself with a millionth kiss, “one as well. We could match.” The last sentence came out mumbled and he didn’t lean in for a kiss this time. He looked at the ground, almost shy.

Ifrit lifted Dew’s face with a hand on his cheek, “I love that idea.” He gave a kiss on the forehead this time. Somehow, throughout the entire morning of sharing in each other’s passion, that felt like the most intimate gesture yet.

Dew felt even more flustered, but absolutely, fundamentally refused to let that be known. He turned to the side, digging through the closet in search of the agreed on outfits.

Ifrit didn't stop him, not wanting to force him into an uncomfortable position. Dew gathered himself again, a little frustrated with his own behaviour and wanting to turn it back around.

When the clothes had been found, Dew handed everything over to the fire ghoul, before reaching over for his sweatpants. He pulled him closer by them, looking up at him with a smirk before shoving them down for him.

“Better hurry up. We’re running late.” Dew teased.

Ifrit stood in contemplation for a second. They were indeed running late, and he himself was starting to get hungry. Then again, he could also push Dew against the wall and keep him occupied a little longer.

It was an easy choice to make.

[My Main Masterlist | Domestic December Masterlist]

[nottapossum]

Father knows best chapter 11: A thousand years

Summery: Blitzø overworks himself, Loona has complicated feelings, Millie drinks with Sallie Mae,And Alessio talks to Crimson.TW: Unrequited love, jealousy, drinking, fear, panic, lotsa negative emotions and talking a bit about trauma, fear of loosing someone, negative talk, biting, struggling, crying, diaper changing, talks of forced regression, talks about selling people, emotional manipation. Lmk if I should add.AndWhat's this? Someone regresses in this for good reasons!? And they are actually safe?! Whaaat?!

~~~Stolas~~~

Stolas got a phone call at 11:00 pm.

Usually he'd be skeptical about it, normally he'd ignore it, especially when it's an unknown caller. But since becoming Blitzø's caregiver he has learned that he should always be expecting the unexpected from him.

 “Hello?” He answers, expecting it to be Blitzø saying that he has slipped or got into some trouble.

But surprisingly he heard a female's voice: “Stolas?”

“Loona? What’s going on?” Stolas asks. “Is everything alright?” His voice is panicky and he's already standing up and getting dressed, expecting Loona to tell him Blitzø was in trouble, or she was in trouble and needed him to come get her, or-

“Relax, birdbrain. Everything is fine…kinda.” She says. 

“Hm.” Stolas scoffs. She's definitely Blitzø's daughter. 

“It's just that-” She sighs. “Blitzø is so fixated on finding Moxxie, he hasn’t been eating or sleeping like he should…I’m honestly starting to…worry about him. But, I don't know what to do.” Loona panics. “He won't listen to me, and he's driving himself crazy!”

“Oh dear.” Stolas says. “That is concerning.”

“Do you think you could talk to him? I was hoping maybe he'd listen to you, you being his…caregiver and all. I tried, but he just won’t listen to me, or let me help at all!” She says, sounding more angry than anything. 

“Okay, Loona. I can't promise anything but I’ll certainly do what I can.” He says to her. “Where is he?”

“He’s in his office at I.M.P.” She suddenly sounds very sad, possibly crying. “I don't know if we'll be able to find Moxxie…and I don't want to lose Blitzø in the process.”

Stolas's tone changed to mildly concerned about Blitzø, to down right frustrated with his antics. His daughter is worried sick about him, and it seems he doesn't care at all! “I will take care of it, I promise.” Stolas says, practically retracting his earlier statement about only trying. “It'll be okay.” 

“Yeah…okay. Thanks.” Loona hangs up fast.

Stolas frowns…imagining if that were his own daughter…

Why didn't Blitzø just ask him for help? That idiot! He's offered to help time and time again! If he just accepted it, they wouldn't be in this mess! 

Well, he's going to have to go down there and be stern with Blitzø, let him know how serious this situation was. 

He opens a portal to IMP and steps through it.

~~~Stolas and Blitzø:~~~

Blitzø was hard at work when Stolas walked in through a portal to his office. 

He looked as if he hadn't slept in days, just as Loona said, he looked like he was driving himself insane by the way he kept looking through everything so fast. “Blitzy?”

“Stolas? What the fuck are you doing here?” Blitzø asks.

“Just checking in, darling. What are you doing?” Stolas asks gently 

“What am I- what the fuck does it look like I’m doing?” He asks. “I'm working on finding Moxxie! Is there any way to remove any scent from Imps?” Blitzø asks. “And maybe…make them invisible and unable to speak or breathe loudly?”

Stolas doesn’t answer that. “Darling, I know you want to find him, but don’t you think this can wait till morning?” He asks.

Blitzø shakes his head. “No…nonononono, I gotta find him now! Someone has him, and they’re gonna fucking pay when Millie and I get our hands on ‘um! Heads will be rolling!” He shouts. “Cash thinks he can take everything away from me? He thinks he can get in MY head and control ME again? I think fucking NOT!” He shouts.

Stolas tilts his head. Cash? Why did that name sound so familiar?

“Blitzø…when was the last time you got some sleep?” Stolas asks.

Blitzø thinks about it. “I don’t know, I passed out sometime yesterday or…what day is it?” He asks.

“It’s Thursday.” Stolas says. 

“So…uhm.” Blitzø took quite a while to think about it, then he looks back down at his papers, before looking back up at the owl. “Yeah, that was yesterday. I passed out yesterday for a few hours. I think.”

“That's not good enough! You need a solid eight hours of sleep at night.” Stolas says.

“No, I need to find Moxxie.” He argues. “Sleep can suck my-”

“Blitzø!” Stolas scolds. “Language.”

“I WILL NOT LOSE ANOTHER FRIEND, STOLAS!” Blitzø shouts. 

Stolas frowns. “Dearest-”

“I'm fine.” Blitzø says, his breathing was unsteady and tears were falling down his face. 

“You're certainly not fine! You need to sleep!” He says sternly. But, then his tone changes to a calmer register once again as he takes Blitzø's hands. “I know you're worried about Moxxie, but you neglecting your own needs isn't helping anyone.” Stolas says.

Blitzø doesn't acknowledge what Stolas says, he knows Stolas is right, but he chooses to look back at his work again to ignore him. 

Stolas sighs. “Blitzø…” he was about to touch Blitzø’s hand to comfort him, but the Imp hisses viciously at Stolas.

Well, he hisses more like a small cat than anything really terrifying, but Stolas still moved his hand away, afraid he might get bitten again.

“Blitzø!” He warns sharply.

Blitzø hisses and growls at Stolas again.

“Alright, enough is enough, Blitzy. We’re going home, and you’re going to get some sleep.” Stolas says firmly.

“Noooo!” Blitzø whines. “I have to figure out where Moxxie is, how else are we supposed to find him? How can I find him while I’m asleep? Stupid bird! That’s not how rescuing works!” Blitzø argues.

“Blitzø, it’s bedtime.” Stolas says firmly, picking up the imp, not caring anymore if Blitzø bites him. “You need to get some sleep.”

“Stolas! I’m not a child!” Blitzø says, grabbing onto practically anything in his office to stop Stolas. His desk, the plant, with none of that working, his best bet was the doorjamb. He grips the doorjamb tightly, not willing to let go.

“Really? Because you sure are acting like one.” Stolas scolds.

“I’m not, okay? I’ll get some sleep!” he says.

Stolas raises an eyebrow at him.

“After we find Moxxie.” He says. 

Stolas sighs. “Blitzø, in your rules it specifically states that when it’s bedtime, you need to go to bed and you are not to fight me on it.” Stolas says, holding the imp with one arm to try and pry Blitzø's claws off the door.

“I am not fucking little right now!” Blitzø argues.

Stolas grunts, Blitzø is much stronger than he seems. “It still applies because you agreed to it. Besides, if you really are an adult, you should understand how important sleep is to brain activity.” Stolas wraps his arms around Blitzø's torso to get a good hold on him.

“Well, jokes on you, bitch. I don’t need brain activity!” Blitzø says, still struggling with Stolas. “I’ve been going without it for years!”

“Blitzø!” Stolas gets closer to the imps' claws and finally pries them off the door frame, then he grabs both hands in his free hand. “You’re getting some sleep, I don’t care if you’re little or not.” He says firmly.

“No!” Blitzø shouts, biting Stolas hard, making the owl release him as he yelps in pain.

“Blitzy!” Stolas scolds harshly, holding onto his wrist and wincing. How can his bites possibly hurt this much?! He's tiny!

Blitzø ran back into the office and hid under the desk. 

Stolas sighs, ignoring his wrist at the moment to try again. “Blitzø…please?” he asks, crawling over to the desk to patiently wait for the Imp to come out.

Blitzø whines. “No tired, Stowes.”

Stolas raises an eyebrow. He’s slipped. “Hm. Are you quite sure I don’t have an adorable little imp on my hands?” Stolas asks him.

“No…” Blitzø mumbles.

Stolas reaches under the desk and picks up the imp with no trouble this time. “Blitzy…it’s not good to lie, darling.” Stolas says. 

“Bu’ ne’ a’ fine’ Mossie.” Blitzø says sadly. 

“Sorry, gremlin. But, that work is for big kids only. You’re far too little for that now.” Stolas says. 

 “No…”Blitzø sarts to sob, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted from the day's events. “No, ‘ittle!”

“Shhh…it’s alright.” Stolas reassures. “It’s okay to be little, darling.” He says.

“Nee’ a’ fine’ Mossie.” Blitzø whines. “No ‘ittle.”

“Moxxie is a strong little Imp, he’ll be alright. But, you’ll be no help to him if you don’t let yourself get some sleep. You’ll be too tired to help him.” Stolas says. He opens a portal right to Blitzø’s nursery at Stolas's palace and walks in.

Blitzø is still crying into Stolas’s shoulder, muttering a series of ‘no’s and incoherent sentiments. “Darling, it will be okay. I promise.” Stolas says. “Just relax.”

Blitzø whines. “Mossie…”

“You’ll find him tomorrow.” Stolas says. “I’m sure of it.” 

Stolas sets Blitzø on the changing table and gently starts to undress him, he had to work fast, Blitzø was already practically asleep.

“‘Omowow?” Blitzø asks, trying desperately to stay awake by blinking rapidly.

“Yes, tomorrow. When you are big again and well rested.” Stolas says, he gets out the diaper changing supplies and starts to put the diaper on him. 

“I a’ putet’ Mossie doe!” Blitzø argues, kicking his hooves. 

“Settle down, Blitzy.” Stolas scolds gently, taping up the diaper and grabbing one of his onesies. “I know you want to protect him, you’re a very good friend.” He places the onesie over the Imp’s head. “But, you can’t help him if you don’t help yourself first. Do you understand?” He asks as he helps guide Blitzø’s arms through the sleeves.

Blitzø whines, then starts crying again. 

Stolas holds him close to comfort him, rocking him back and forth.

Blitzø cries into Stolas’s shoulder, he just wants Moxxie to be home again! He missed Moxxie, he misses his friend!

“I know, it’s okay.” Stolas says. 

“Mossie…” Blitzø whines, trying to get Stolas to understand.

“I know, Blitzy. I know.” Stolas rubs circles on the little’s back to try and soothe him. “I'm sorry, darling.”

And he meant it too…

He hated that he had to do this, he knows Blitzø was struggling right now. But, he couldn't stand back and let Blitzø hurt himself. 

He and Blitzø can talk about this tomorrow, and perhaps Stolas can help him find Moxxie.

His attempts to comfort Blitzø starts to work as Blitzø is settling down, but the little one’s still tearing up and sniffling softly. 

Stolas starts singing to Blitzø, swaying gently side to side. “Heart beats fast, colors and promises. How to be brave? How can I love when I’m afraid…to…fall? But watching you stand alone, all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow…”

Blitzø wipes away his tears, and he hugs Stolas closer.

“One…step…closer…” 

Blitzø lets his eyelids fall at last, relaxing, and listening to Stolas’s song.

“I have died every day waiting for you. Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years.” 

Stolas sets the sleeping Blitzø in his crib, finally able to snap the buttons of his onesie now that the imp was calm. “I'll love you for a thousand more.” 

He tucks his little one in tightly, then pets his head softly, and he whispers to him: “Goodnight, Blitzy.” Then he lastly kisses his head.

~~~Loona~~~

‘Time stands still, beauty in all she is- I will be brave, I will not let anything take away what's standing in front of me.’

Tex: haven’t heard from you in a few days, everything okay?

Loona smiles at seeing the text… she finally had real friends to talk to, friends who cared about her… it was great but, Also sorta terrifying at the same time.

Loona: Yeah, I’m fine. I guess.

Tex: What’s going on?

Loona: One of my co-workers is missing, so I’ve been trying to help find him.

Tex: Damn. That’s rough.

Loona: Yeah, it is. Everyone is doing what they can, barely sleeping, getting up early… I think we’re almost out of ideas.

Tex: You seem to really care if you’re working overtime to find him.

Loona: I mean, I guess… Normally I hate his guts, he’s like family, except I want nothing to do with him, hate everything about him… but, I can’t stand the fact that he’s not here and might be hurt. I do kinda miss him too.

Tex: Sounds like family to me. Can you not track his scent?

Loona: No. Actually, I’ve been entirely useless in helping find him. And it’s not from a lack of trying either, I feel so worthless.

Tex: Loona, you can’t help it if there’s no scent. Trust me, it’s not your fault.

Loona: Thanks…

Tex: I’m sorry he’s missing. I can ask Bee for help, maybe she can get more people involved, it could help?

‘Every breath, every hour has come to this.’

Loona: Thanks, but, I think it would hurt him more than anything. I’d rather this stay between us.

Tex: I understand, I’m here for you if you want to talk about it more. 

Loona: That would be great.

Loona held the phone close to her chest, hanging onto this moment…

Esme was right, she needed to get over him but-

How could she when he was too perfect? 

‘One step closer.’

~~~Millie~~~

‘I have died every day waiting for you. Darling, don't be afraid. I have loved you for a thousand years.’

As upset as she was that Moxxie didn't tell her about his past, she understood why…

He wanted to protect her, and didn't want to be associated with his past. It made sense, and it didn't change anything between them. Besides, it's not like he hid something important from her. He trusted her…right? 

Her and Sallie Mae were very quiet on the drive back to pride. By the time they made it back to Millie’s apartment, it was far too late to kill Blitzø. They’d have to do it tomorrow.

“Want a drink?” Millie asks Sallie. 

“Like you had to ask?” Sallie Mae immediately got out of the car to join Millie inside. 

The two girls sit at the table with two glasses and a bottle of wine. 

“I guess I shouldn't have expected differently from our parents.” Millie says, pouring her and Sallie Mae each a glass. “I guess I just always hope that they'll change, give him a fair chance.” 

“Look, Ma and Pa will never accept Moxxie. You knew this when you married him.” Sallie Mae says, drinking down the whole glass of wine. 

Millie nods. “Yeah, that's true.”

“If you didn't care then, you shouldn't now. Their opinions don't mean shit.” Sallie says, pouring another glass. “I mean, they liked all your other boyfriends and look how they all turned out.” 

Millie nods. 

“You're right.”

“Of course I am, I'm always right. You and Moxxie are perfect for each other. He has serious attachment issues and you're an attention whore.” Sallie rolls her eyes. 

Ignoring her sister now, Millie starts to think about Moxxie again…

Her beautiful, wonderful husband. 

He really was the only one for her. And damn did she miss him so much! 

She wanted nothing more than to run to him and kiss him again.

She hopes she can…wherever he is. She just hopes he's okay and unharmed.

‘I'll love you for a thousand more.’

~~~Past:~~~

Moxxie has always tried to make her parents like him, because he knew how much it meant to Millie that her parents approved of him.

So, when she left for a weekend to visit them, he felt it was a good time to both surprise Millie and show her parents what a good boyfriend he can truly be. 

Moxxie walked up to the house holding a bouquet of beautiful hell flowers. 

They were her favorites, colored orange and red.

Owen her brother had let him in and before he could ask where Millie was, he and Owen heard Jo and Lynn talking in the kitchen: 

“He's not good enough for Millie, he'll never be.” Jo says. 

“He is awfully frail, and not to mention how annoying he can be. He's got some serious issues.” Lynn says.

Moxxie told her about the fact that he overheard them, how he was about to leave.

“Moxxie, wait.” owen says. 

“Don't tell Millie I was here. They're right, she-she deserves so much better.” Moxxie said to him.

Millie wasn't sure why Owen did it, but he marched up to Millie right after. “Hey, Mills? Your boyfriend is outside for you. You may want to hurry before ma and pa scare him off.” 

Millie ran out there to catch up. “Moxxie!” She hugged him and kissed him firmly. “What are you doing here?” She asks.

“I-well- I was just going to give you these.” He said holding up the flowers. 

She takes them, letting him go. “Oh, Mox. They're lovely.” She says. “You came all this way to give me flowers?” She asks. 

“Yeah…I thought I'd surprise you.” He says. 

“I appreciate that. And I needed it. My parents have been driving me crazy. Ever since they met you, you're all they ever talk about.” She scoffs. “Why can't they just accept the fact that I'm a grown woman who's capable of making her own decisions?” She asks.

Moxxie shrugs. “Parents are complicated.”

“I love you.” She says. “That's all that matters.” 

Moxxie smiles. “Really?” 

“Really.” She says, kissing him again, this time it lasted longer.

They made out for about a minute before Moxxie pulled her away gently. 

“Moxxie?” She asks, confused. “What's wrong?”

“Let's get married.” Moxxie says.

“What?”

“Forget our families, forget all of them! We'll create our own. Just you and me.” He says. “We can get on that elevator and have the best wedding imaginable. Just us.” He says. 

“But-” She thought about it…her parents would never accept Moxxie. Even if they asked, would they even come to a wedding? 

They practically forbid her to pursue this… but they don't get to dictate her life! 

Millie smiles and takes his hand. “Let's go.” She says.

~~Present:~~~

No one could ever be as good for Millie as Moxxie was…

Because she knew, no matter what happens…

They were gonna be okay. 

No matter what has ever happened to them before, they have been. 

Moxxie loves her and she loves Moxxie and that's all that has ever mattered. 

She put the glass down. “We'd better get some sleep. The sooner we do, the sooner we'll find Moxxie.” She says to Sallie. 

‘And all along I believed I would find you!

Time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousand years.’

She will do anything to make sure he's home and safe once again. 

‘I'll love you for a thousand more!’

~~~Alessio:~~~

‘One step closer…’

“Sir, don't you think you were a bit harsh on Moxxie?” Alessio asks. 

“He has to learn somehow!” Crimson says. “What else would you want me to do? I can't coddle him!”

‘He never could.’ Alessio thought. “What if you let me talk to him? Perhaps I could get him to see reason?” Alessio suggests. 

“You want to try? Be my fucking guest!” Crimson says. 

Alessio kisses Crimson's cheek. “Thank you, Crimson.”

Crimson blushes slightly, but brushes him off. 

Alessio smirks to himself as he walks upstairs to the nursery. He loves to get Crimson all flustered. 

~~~Alessio & Moxxie ~~~

‘I have died everyday waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more’

Alessio knocks before entering the dark nursery. The room was destroyed, clearly Moxxie was trying to find a way to get out…or he was legitimately losing his mind. “Moxxie?” 

Moxxie was curled up in a corner. No no no! Not this again! 

Alessio turned on the light as he walked in, closing the door behind him. 

Moxxie couldn't even process what he was doing, he just lunged at Alessio, jumping on his back and biting and scratching him! He had enough of this! And he was going to do whatever he could to get out!

Alessio grunted in pain before hitting Moxxie against a wall, knocking the wind out of him. Moxxie fell to the floor and tried his hardest to breathe again.

Alessio sighs, he hates to hurt Moxxie, but he did what he had to… “Moxxie?”

“Hate…you.”  Moxxie forced out while he was trying to regain his breath.

“Now, I know that's not true.” Alessio says, petting Moxxie’s hair. “Just relax. We only want to take care of you.”

Moxxie finally is able to breathe, he takes a few deep breaths before responding: “I don't need you to take care of me!” Moxxie growled. “I need you to leave me and every other little one alone!” He says. “Nothing you can do will ever change what you've done to me, what you've done to them! What you're doing is wrong, and I think you know that.” Moxxie says. 

“If we let the other littles go, would you stay?” Alessio asks him.

“What?” Moxxie asks, becoming fearful. 

“If we let the little ones go, and never sell another one. Would you willingly stay our little one permanently?” Alessio asks again.

Moxxie's eyes widened. “I…um.”

“It's a simple question, Moxxie.” Alessio says. 

“I- would he actually do that?” Moxxie asks. “Would he let them go if I-” he can't finish the sentence, it was too terrible to think about. 

“Possibly, especially if I asked him to.” Alessio says. 

Moxxie thinks, if he can save the others- it might be worth it… besides, Blitzø and Millie could still save him…if they haven't given up already. “Can I think about it?” Moxxie asks.

Alessio nods. “Very well, you can decide tomorrow.” Alessio says, heading to the door. 

“Can you leave the light on…please?” Moxxie asks, interrupting him.

“I'll do you one better.” Alessio says, he goes over to the dresser and pulls out a night light to plug in. He also sets the crib back on it's feet before he walks back over to Moxxie and Kisses his forehead. “Goodnight, bambino.” He says before leaving and locking the door behind him.

Moxxie exhales. “Thanks…”

Tears fall down Moxxie’s face… where were they? 

Taglist: @todayimfour

[mackeydoodledoo]

Burning Sun: Chapter 7

Pairing: Rosalie Hale x (Fem!)Reader

Summary: You've seen her in the school halls, the cafeteria, anywhere really. You, for the longest time, hoped... Wanted to be noticed by Rosalie Hale. However, you give up when you realize it was getting you nowhere... Throughout high school and just some time after the high school years, Rosalie’s true feelings come to fruition.

Chapter Warnings: Light-Angst, Light-NSFW

Chapter Theme: The Ghost of You - My Chemical Romance 

Key: Italics = Thought, +*+ = Time Skip, Bold/Italic = Thought but out loud

A/n: None

--------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m...” Rosalie begins

As she looks at you, the anxiety builds as you hold her gaze...

“I’m a vampire y/n...” Rosalie finally confesses

You just stand right in front of her, not moving an inch.

“No shit Rosalie,” You say, no tone in your voice

Rosalie looks at you; absolutely dumbfounded. It wasn’t the response she was expecting.

“You never eat when you’re around me nor my friends, when I hugged you back when I was the only person at your sleepover; how I realized you were absolutely freezing to the touch,” You explain, “I saw how your golden eyes illuminated in the shitty school lights, and how pale your skin was compared to some of my pale friends....”

“W-wait Y/n, I don’t get it... You’re saying-”

“I knew the entire time,” You confess

“Why-Why didn’t you say anything then?!” She asks

“I wanted you to be the one to tell me,” You answer, “But, you never did so... I didn’t say anything. Plus, I didn’t say anything out of fear that I would be killed for knowing.”

“Hah, you’re dumb,” Rosalie continues to play the stubborn blonde, “My family wouldn’t kill you. We’d... Simply welcome you into the family... Like they did with Bella...”

“Makes sense since she’s around Edward a lot of the time,” You reply

“You wouldn’t want to be around vampires Y/n, you’d be playing a dangerous game,” Rosalie continues, “I’m already tired of being roped into one thanks to Bella...”

“Can’t help that you’re always coming back around to me,” You sigh under your breath

In the brink of a second, your back hits the bed mattress, wrists pinned to both sides of your head. 

“It’s not my fault that I find myself unable to stay away from you, no matter how far you are from Forks,” She growls

“How am I irresistible to you?” You ask, attempting to break free frothier hold, “I was the LEAST popular kid in that entire school.”

“Because you excite me!” She confesses

*Rosalie’s POV* You could hear the blood rushing to her cheeks, turning them a shade of pink. 

“H-how do I excite you?” She asks

“You were willing to do things for me despite some situations put you in danger,” You say

It’s your blood... I want to taste it... So damn bad...

But you knew it would drive you absolutely insane if you tried to taste her blood. You were resisting out of fear of killing her. 

“Come on, all crazy asses did shit for people they cared about,” She scoffs

“But last night, at the race, you stood up for me,” You bring up, “If you really didn’t care about me you wouldn’t have done anything.” 

“That was my chivalric ass,” She continues making up excuses

“Liar,” You say, “I know you feel something for me...”

“Fuck you,” She says 

She lifts her head to attach her lips to yours. You sigh as you lean your head down as Y/n puts her head back onto the bed. You take your hands off of Y/n’s wrists to wrap around her head. 

“Feisty aren’t you?” You ask, smirking

“Shut up,” She replies, panting for air

+*+

You wished you could have limited stamina again. 

Falling asleep in your embrace would be the best feeling in the world...

“You can always pretend to sleep you know,” Y/n wakes

“But, it’s not the same as actually sleeping,” You chuckle

 “I know but, the feeling would be there right?” She asks

“I don’t know, been by myself for a long time,” You say

“Hmm...” She hums, “Come on...”

She switches onto her backs she swoops you into her embrace.

“Here,” She says, “How about that?”

Absolute bliss...

You close your eyes as you let your focus go to Y/n’s heartbeat. You sigh as you felt her fingers trail through your hair. 

“What do you want to do today?” She asks

“Don’t you have assignments due?” You ask

“I do but I also think we have to get you back to Forks, I’m pretty sure your family is worried about you.” She says

“I can hunt on my own for a few days,” You sigh

“You’re in the concrete jungle.” Y/n tells you, “There’s nothing but humans here.” 

You didn’t want to admit but she was right, you were on a college campus with hundreds if not thousands of humans...

“You’re right,” You sigh

You begin getting up to get yourself ready to go, but Y/n drags you right back into her.

“Who said we need to leave now?” She asks, smiling

+*+

*Y/n’s POV* Eventually you felt overheated underneath the blankets and began going through your remaining schoolwork for the week. 

“I’ll be done with this in about ten minutes and then we can begin driving back to Forks,” You tell Rosalie

The entire time Rosalie was sitting around your apartment whilst you continued to work through assignments early before the week began. 

+*+

Even though you barely did anything throughout the day other than sitting at your laptop all day, you were exhausted. 

“If at any point you want me to drive you can,” Rosalie tells you, “I don’t need sleep.”

“We’re about halfway through the drive already and you’re the one being dropped off so, would look absolutely stupid if we arrived to your place and I’m the one in the driver’s seat,” You chuckle

It was mostly an awkward silence after your last statement. 

“Rosalie,” You call to her

“Hmm?” She replies, not taking her eyes off of the setting sun underneath the treeline

You turn your head to look at her for a second, but you saw the sparkle against her skin. You turn your head back to focus on the road.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me that you were a vampire?” You ask, “We’ve had many one on ones.”

“It’s complicated,” She says, “There are other vampires that hold a higher status over my family and... They would kill anyone and everyone who knows of our existence...”

“Down with the hierarchy,” You chuckle, trying to joke

“You don’t understand how powerful they are, especially with their guard,” Rosalie’s tone turns serious, “They would absolutely annihilate you and my family.”

“Alright alright, point taken,” You put your hand on her thigh

Rosalie jolts her head to your hand. You knew you felt her eyes stinging through your head.

“S-sorry,” You clear your throat, taking your hand away

“How long have you known?” She asks

*Rosalie’s POV* You were trying to prevent yourself from freaking out... Like you did on Royce and his friends the night you almost died. So, you just simply asked a different question. 

“Awhile,” She answers, “Almost four years at least...”

“You... You didn’t tell anyone right?” You ask

“I didn’t. Like I said, I waited for you to tell me so I kept quiet about it,” She reiterates 

+*+

*Y/n’s POV* As you put your car in park, you stare at Rosalie as she does the same for you. 

“Thanks for... Standing up for me,” Rosalie breaks the silence

“Anything for you,” You answer

Rosalie leans forward, leaning over the console.

“Rose... What are you doing?” You ask, slowly, but unknowingly leaning forward

“One last thing before I leave,” She smiles

Oh... A kiss...

But, you let it come. You don’t stop it, and you don't push her away. You welcome it.... Like an old friend. Rosalie pulls herself away to let you process the gesture. 

“Oh Rosalie,” You sigh

You lean back towards her: catching her lips. 

“I’m-I’m willing to try,” You say between kisses

“What?” She asks, pulling away to let you breathe

“I’m willing to try us,” You repeat, “But, I need to know if you’re willing to try too.”

*Rosalie’s POV* Almost instantly you nod your head, smiling as you lean forward again, kissing Y/n.

“I’ve missed this so much,” You confess

Y/n chuckles as she gives you a lighter kiss.

“I think your family is waiting for you, your dad especially,” Y/n sighs in disappointment

You look out the front windshield and there they were” Carlisle and Esme, standing in the headlights of Y/n’s car.

“You’re welcome in my place anytime Rose,” Y/n half-smiles

“Thanks Y/n, I’ll see you later,” You pull yourself away unwillingly

*Y/n’s POV* You watch as Rosalie exits your car and up the stairs to her forest mansion. 

Maybe... It will be different this time.

Chapter 8

[theladyofbloodshed]

thoughts on azriel and mors relationship?? i didn’t love how mor was accused of “leading him on” for 500 years when she literally didn’t express interest as far as i can see. like he made her so uncomfortable she felt she couldn’t come out to what is supposedly her closest family. and i don’t see a lot of people talking about this aspect, i feel like it’s pretty ignored as a fandom.

i see it from both sides but first, lets establish the facts:

Azriel had a crush on Mor

Mor wanted to lose her virginity to one of the greatest Illyrian warriors, took one look at Cassian and knew he would be - and he was kind. She didn't pick Azriel because she knew he had a crush on her.

Cassian knew Azriel had a crush on Mor. He hated the thought of his brother not being just his and Rhys' anymore so ruined it for Azriel

Mor gets dumped in Autumn and Azriel finds her. He tries to confess his feelings and: Azriel thought I deemed him unsuitable. He started to confess what he felt, and I panicked, and … and to get him to stop, to keep him from saying he loved me, I just turned and left.

We know that Mor uses Cassian as a buffer and it makes Azriel uncomfortable (e.g. the foot rub). She sleeps with men (and secretly women) which makes her feel terrible. Mor also tells Feyre that Azriel has had his fair share of lovers too so it's unfair to say Azriel has simply pined for 500 years.

So that's where we are at with this weird scenario. Apart from in ACOMAF when both Mor and Rhys joke that it drives Cassian crazy that he never got to sleep with her again.

Okay, so Mor's perspective:

She is not into him. She uses Cassian to express that. She sleeps with men like Helion to also express that. It's pretty clear that - from Azriel's perspective - that Mor is into men too. She is tactile with him, touching him, she shows concern etc but also does the same for Cassian - but not to the same extent. If anything, Mor is more tactile with Cassian. I don't think it's leading him on though as she's not saying "hey, come to my bed, oh wait no sorry not tonight".

Azriel's perspective:

He tried to tell Mor his feelings at a very emotional moment and she just walked off rather than facing them. He believes he is unworthy of her. Mor says herself "I could peel off my clothes right in front of him and he wouldn’t move an inch. He’ll see himself as a bastard-born nobody, and not good enough for anyone. Especially me." In all those years since, Azriel still has not told Mor his feelings because he thinks he's unworthy.

If we say this whole farce is not down to SJM's messy writing and sloppy retcons... What irks me is that Mor knows that Azriel thinks he's not worthy of her. He thinks that's the only reason. She lets him believe that because its more comfortable for her to do that. I don't think at any point she has led him along and it worries me that after 500 years he's been unable to pick that fact up. It's strange that after 500 years of Mor choosing to cuddle up to Cassian and have foot rubs from him, that Azriel is still interested in her. (But I think a lot of it is due to the rushed retcons).

Mor has not had that conversation for a reason. It could be that - as we've seen in canon - she gets spooked by Azriel's temper. Fair enough. But she also is selfish about it.

I’m petrified to face him —to tell him he’s spent five hundred years pining for someone and something that won’t ever exist. The potential fallout … I like things the way they are.

Mor is scared to tell him she's not into him but not because of something he might do to her, but she likes the situation now. This reads to me as she likes Cassian and Azriel both fussing after her. She caused waves between Cassian and Nesta because she knew her buffer wouldn't be hers. She doesn't want Azriel to dote on another woman and her not be the only one e.g. I don't want him, but nobody else can have him.

Mor does not owe anybody. She doesn't need to come out. However, after 500 years, she is still living a lie. She is not comfortable coming out to the family that we are told is a court of dreamers and they're all amazing and such good people!!! So why can't she? Will they reject her? Will they punish her? Is she scared of the wider reaction from the court? Like I don't understand why she hides a relationship with women from the inner circle. Hiding it from the court, yeah okay, I can imagine the Illyrians would be horrible to her. If she is that scared of Azriel's reaction to her liking women then maybe he shouldn't be in their inner circle??? Does she think they won't be on her side and would support him instead?? Then again, they all know Azriel has a crush on Mor and not one of them has stepped into say she's not into him, Cassian is happy to make Azriel hurt by his flirtatious actions with Mor rather than saying "my brother, she doesn't want you".

It all boils down to sloppy, lazy writing. It makes Mor look like a selfish bitch and Azriel a completely unhinged weirdo. It also shows the IC is really not very close to each other.

[2n2n]

God’s blessing

So..... I shall commit to the ultimate vulnerability: a completely off-the-wall sort of theory that doesn't have solid canon basis, and is basically just me throwing shots into the dark. There's things I desperately want an explanation for, which nothing I currently have down can address.

Just bare in mind this may as well be a fanfiction proposal, for how baseless it is! But maybe it's fun or interesting, and makes others want to try to think of their own solutions or answers to some gaps in the canon.

It can't all be grounded.... some theories come from..........the heart ♥

*I begin playing you a song on the hurdy-gurdy*

So..... let's imagine (already going too off the wall for most people) Tsukasa is a God, now Amane's yorishiro, and trapped in his boundary, much like Sumire was trapped in Hakubo's. People can come in, but he cannot go out without help and effort... typically. It would be a helpless position. Even if Tsukasa were the very well God, the yorishiro system is built to disperse that power, and he is reduced to an object as much as the scissors or rock.

At some point, Tsukasa met Sakura, and they formed their plan to destroy the yorishiro, and return the power to its original source.

But what was step 1? I need to start at addressing something that drives me, personally, crazy:

Why was Tsukasa so much weaker than Sumire, at the start of the series? Sumire, with the help of Hanako and Nene, can leave her boundary, and wander about the school without trouble.

Tsukasa could not leave the boundary until a sufficient amount of yorishiro were destroyed... it took an involved degree of preparation, set-up, and he quickly and easily was dispelled by only Nene-chan throwing water, even with 2 yorishiro returned to him (Yako + Tsuchigomori’s). It isn't as simple as him having a little power now, and walking through the school up to the roof; they have the Mokke move his paper crane into the donut bag, in order to get him all the way to the roof. Tsukasa's body was, for some reason, weaker than the average kaii.

Tsukasa is a uniquely weak entity, to start, and only plot progression sures him up into something substantial (until he surpasses essentially everything). Even Mokke are free to roam the school. Why?

Mitsuba, brought back from his piece of mind, is that weak. He's unable to leave boundaries. But that makes sense, for Mitsuba, something cobbled together from scattered bits. Sumire and Tsukasa are both ancient souls filled with vivid regrets. So why was Tsukasa so incredibly weak, as to be comparable to Mitsuba, and not Sumire, the person ostensibly in a more equivocal position to him?

and that’s where the extrapolation into my nonsense begins .... maybe part 1 of Tsukasa's plan, involved removing a piece of himself, just like he did to Mitsuba. If Tsukasa can reach into a kaii and pull out a fragment of their personhood-- their mind, their reason, their whatever-- maybe he could do that to himself, and gift it to another.

I doubt, at the very least, that this situation will be the first and only time we see this occur. 

That (pulling out a piece of himself) would be an interesting commitment to make, and would prove to Sakura that he is reliable, ready to endure anything, taking their plan seriously, and not only messing with or undermining her. Especially if Tsukasa patiently endured existing in a trapped, weakened state for a long duration... he could prove a lot through his chosen vulnerability. So, Tsukasa removes a piece of himself-- where does he put it?

Maybe he gave that piece to Sakura, and that was what bound them. Buuuuuut..... that's not actually my preferred theory, though it's completely possible. I think given Sakura's long existence, established presence in association to the Mysteries, she's likely something extant as a semi-magical being long before meeting Tsukasa, and her meeting him at all relied on that special aspect of her. She was bound to the school for 100 years as it is. I don’t think Sakura is in need of a boost. Though I recognize the possibility.

Instead, my theory is that he gave up a piece of himself-- perhaps his conscience, perhaps his compassion-- to reincarnate into a part of Nene-chan.

Nene-chan has powers and abilities beyond those we have a term or explanation for. She has a natural ability to purify, she can alter the Mysteries through pulling yorishiro, she can jump through time and alter the future (Tanabata). Not usual for a kannagi. Not really usual for anything.

Even the well-God was seemingly bound to its position, and served balanced exchanges to humanity. Only by combining with Tsukasa does the well God become something beyond that which is established in this world.... ... so maybe the same could be done to Nene-chan, at her birth. A combination being which unites kaii with human. 

Nene-chan has at least been described as blessed. You can read a little more about this fortune here, and fold that into this hypothesis.

It would be interesting if Nene-chan was functionally blessed by God, granted a small sliver of a divine power. Maybe that's why her name references '8'-- tying her to the 7 mysteries, which each contain 1 small fragment of the God's power. Making her in some sense, an 8th mystery, if we define them as pillars God appointed and blessed with power. It would be sweet of Tsukasa to fracture himself to barely-extant weakness, in order to reach out to the world, to try to bring salvation and peace to Amane.

I would imagine yorishiro Tsukasa is a desperate creature, if he wants to help Amane. How can he, from there?

Here’s a post I’ve already written trying to analyze what we’ve got to go on, with Sakura and Tsukasa’s relationship. With that basis.....

Maybe 15 years ago, Sakura stumbled into Tsukasa's boundary, and got to know him. Maybe that Tsukasa was a different sort of person from what we think of as ‘Tsukasa’, thoughtful and conscientious. But Sakura alone may have lacked any meaningful power to really help him, or herself. If Tsukasa gave up a piece of himself into the world to reincarnate, that would place him into a position of having to wait 15 years until Nene-chan finally crosses over into the picture, which would be a novel amount of time for Sakura and Tsukasa to familiarize. I've proposed before that Sakura and Tsukasa seem to have more familiarity between them than the just-recently-men Hanako and Nene-chan, though of course, that's just a hunch. Sakura at the very least trusts Tsukasa, so I assume she has great reason to do so.

I guess for me, this theory would satisfy:

Why Tsukasa begins the series so weak

Why Sakura implicitly trusts Tsukasa

Why Tsukasa has a screw loose

Why Nene-chan is holy

Why Nene-chan’s number is ‘8′, help

If Sakura could witness why Tsukasa is this way-- a bit 'off' and animalistic-- maybe she would have more patience and understanding towards it, and not let it color her perception of the person he originally was; having seen whatever he was like before, and having known he chose to become this, and entrusted himself to still do what had to be done. If only 1 portion of Tsukasa was removed-- like Mitsuba's 'mind'-- whatever was left behind is at least capable of commitment. Maybe what he selected to go was something he knew would not truly impede him.

I guess if I had to guess something, I'd say Nene-chan was gifted with Tsukasa-kami's 'conscience'. Tsukasa lacks a concern for general well-being, and now has the capriciousness to let curiosity drive him to cut open a living fish, or to see those around him as toys to recreate his fav childhood movie, or to desire to see another eat fireworks. Maybe not feeling any of that lends him the ability to not feel rejected or hurt when others claim he's annoying. Perhaps he's always been childish or a bit stunted as it is from his lifetime of periodic isolation, but.... clearly what's going on now with him is a surprise to Amane, who's known him his whole life:

Another small thing is, AidaIro are very protective of the Tsukasa from 4-13. When picturing events from that time period, Tsukasa's face is often (there are brief exceptions in the in-manga snapshots in vol 17 & their Kamome entrance photo) obfuscated-- we cannot often see his expression, or what sort of expressions he would make. We have yet to hear this boy speak at all. We don’t know how he may talk.

Maybe he wasn't the trapdoor-mouth often-smiling boy we know now. Maybe he was more contemplative or worrisome. Maybe Amane was more of a guiding and encouraging older brother, the sunshine between them.

I'm open to anything being possible for Tsukasa and Nene-chan....

if I'm being honest just on the raw level: this would also satisfy the way relationships work in this manga. In this way, Tsukasa and Nene-chan's experiences with Amane would all become united and shared in some way, owed to each other. Development for one would imbue the other with significance. Amane loving Tsukasa, and loving Nene-chan, would intermingle and both would validate the other’s existence in his life. Neither would overshadow the other.

It's not an unprecedented concept, in stories at all... This manga shares so much in common with Inuyasha, themeatically, and in that series, Kikyo and Kagome share a soul. Kikyo died, and a small portion of her soul reincarnated into Kagome, who then is drawn to Inuyasha. Kikyo is remade, but lacks some crucial piece of her, and is a more chaotic and cruel being as a result. At the end of the day, Kagome being blessed with Kikyo's soul grants her similar powers to Kikyo, and makes her romance with Inuyasha feel a bit cosmically-destined, and also absolves us of feeling too horrible about the ‘loss’ of Kikyo’s place in Inuyasha’s life, as she is still there, as Kagome. His first love is the same as his current love, but the convolutedness enables shenanigans and intrigue. 

That said, I think if this were true maaaaybe some people would hate it, or feel it removes Nene-chan's agency, or robs her of being her own person, buuuuuuuuut..... that reeeaaaally isn't true for Kagome/Kikyo, who I feel fans interpret meaningfully as different people, and the story conveys well as different people. I think Nene-chan could still very well be her own person who developed in her own life, but merely be a little blessed. 

Maybe I'm insane, but these panels always feel like the entire manga freezes to bold and underline something:

Maybe it's my bias.

if nothing else, you, dear reader, can laugh at my wild delusions I restlessly turn in bed from.

the shitpost corner:

I think if this were true it would be hilariously embarrassing for Amane, to have to fold in all of his reservations with telling Tsukasa and Nene both I Love You into one ball. If he had to admit to loving both at once and in the same manner.... indeed, every gesture shared with the two of them would feel overlapping. I think life would feel like a giant pie in his face. All of his hair would fall off of his body. Maybe he could finally feel weird about how immediately and obsessively he sexually harasses Nene-chan. 

Tsukasa and Nene are easy to conflate, at times! In Amane’s eyes! It would be delicious if he had to deal with a real gut-punch. Hehe.

[that-banana-headed-bovine]

GIVE ME YOUR HEADCANONS FOR YOUR FAVORITE BOY. BEST BOY. KARR!

holy crap.  the universe does not want me to make this post I SWEAR.

I was having difficulties answering one of the segments of the format you were asking for, so I shelfed it for a bit to think on it.  I never came to a conclusion HASODH-

I scrolled thru asks and saw this.  Holy moly you have been waiting for so long, if you are still here I would just like to say that I am so sorry for that like.  I really meant to get to this sooner--

Well, if the wait has been this long, I had better make my response worth it right.  So I’d better get the text format.

wait where is it.

I scrolled through old posts and old asks for like 20 minutes to find the format.

I did not find the format

I typed up a long intro explaining this whole situation, and got started writing the ask

THE PAGE REFRESHED.

TUMBLR AUTOSAVED NONE OF IT.

I also thought I lost THIS draft for a second and nearly screamed.  luckily I did not I was just on the wrong blog

this is try number.  across all of the times I’ve touched it I don’t actually know.  Time two today tho.

Anyway AHSOD I am so sorry for the long wait AND that I will not be using the original format because it has Disappeared.  If I do eventually find it, I’ll probably revisit this with anything I missed, but for now I will just be doing my best with what I remember and adding some other nonsense Just Because.  I hope this is good asdioh-

Headcanons about Canon and not AUs for once in my life

You know how in TDR, they have that really zoomed out shot at the end of the chase before Karr careens off a cliff where they do a bit of an Oopsie.  That oopsie being “there is a very clear way out of this situation.  that way is turning left instead of right.”

And you know how in KvK, Karr’s self preservation programming is basically thrown out the window?  So that they could throw model cars at each other or sumn I’m not being sarcastic there’s actually a few split seconds where you can see them throwing model cars at each other it’s so freaking funny I highly recommend going back and looking for it if you didn’t see it, it’s like behind the explosion I think, idk the exact timing bc it’s been a while but Yeah

Well.  The IRL explanation for these things is almost definitely “because it looks cool”, and I’m definitely making way more of it than there is, but behold.  I have basically informed my opinion on Karr’s personality (behind the whole scared for his life thing) from these things.  Because, as a hyper-intelligent AI, he really shouldn’t be able to make these sort of “dumb” mistakes, right?

The best I’ve got, then, is that he’s a LOT more influenced by emotions than Kitt is.  I don’t know whether I’d go as far as to say that he experiences them MORE, because Kitt clearly does have them... I think he’s just more cautious by nature, so he doesn’t really let himself act on them much.  Karr, though?  He’s impulsive, and easily swayed off course by panic, anger, sadness, etc.  That’s why, despite being just as smart as Kitt is, he often makes far less rational decisions.

He drove off a cliff because he was so scared that he just acted on impulse without doing any of the AI rationalizing stuff we’re used to seeing from Kitt.  If he’d have cleared his mind enough to scan ahead and process the routes as he drove, he would have made a different decision.  That’s Kitt’s biggest advantage in their fights, and it would be his greatest contribution if the two were ever to team up; both of them can smash things, but only one of them can work properly under pressure.

Even down to his programming--code can be changed, so it’s not the law that we often think of it as.  It’s just a very, VERY strong suggestion.  Kitt has never tried to change it; he’s never even CONSIDERED it.  Karr, though?  He reached his breaking point.  The thought of continuing to live his life on the run, unable to trust anyone or stay anywhere, was enough to drive him crazy.  He COULDN’T bring himself to continue with FLAG--and specifically Michael and Kitt--constantly on his tail.  So, he snapped and overrode his very foundation.  He’d either get rid of them or die trying.

That’s probably the core of why Devon was so scared of him, without providing much of a concrete reason.  Because Karr’s unpredictable, far closer to human than they’d ever expected him to be.  Even when he was on their side, they didn’t think they could trust him not to change his mind, or make a snap decision that endangered everyone involved.  I think he could have gotten control of it over time, but it definitely makes more sense that they wouldn’t want to work with him in this state.  Their response to it is still immoral imo, but if they didn’t fully realize his sentience and just saw it as a programming fluke, then I could see where it seemed necessary.  Especially if an accident like that had already happened... Not gonna elaborate on that here; I’ve made a post about it, and tbh I probably shouldn’t have because it wasn’t my idea in the slightest.  It’s just such a good headcanon that I basically adopted it immediately AHSIDO (Yes I did credit the fren in the original post, but it still just wasn’t the ideal way to go about it tbh, that’s why I’m not linking either.  If you really wanna scroll for it, it is still there so go for it ig best of luck to ye IASHDOHSA, but otherwise it’s really not mine to tell)

Headcanons that are so extremely Not Canon / for AUs

While the Karr that is in canon hasn’t had much time to be in the world, and thus is far less worldly than Kitt is, I would think that it would come much more naturally to him than his brother if given the chance.  I mean heck, he developed a whole salesman personality underwater sooo /lh  That probably means that he also does that copying thing really well, too.  Like, how Kitt picked up on the Trucker jargon that one time and got excited and parroted it for a bit... it happens pretty often, but that’s the clearest example I’ve got right now oops.  Anyway, I think Karr does that, too, but incorporates it in a somewhat more stealthy way.  Because if he messed up people will be Trying to Murder Him Again.

All I’m saying is.  One of them might have a chance of understanding meme culture and that one sure as heck isn’t Kitt.

Like, I actually think that Karr and Michael would have... shockingly similar personalities if Karr actually got to understand the world and himself better?  If they’d stop hating each other for a second, I think they’d get along really well.  Both loyalty driven, both impulsive due to emotionality, both sometimes make dumb decision because they just care too much... bothwouldprobablydieforKitteventhoughhedhateit oops what’s that my brothers bias showing????

Anyway, how this applies in Human!AU is that Karr can blend into human life really well.  Like, he’s just as curious and unsure as Kitt is, but he quickly picks up on the basic behaviors that people around him are routinely using and integrates them so as not to stick out.  And then, as time goes on, he just would kind of figure out what it all means himself, to the point where he’s reverse engineered how to be human with quite good accuracy.  Whereas Kitt is always very curious and is quite open about it, because why wouldn’t he be y’know he’s not used to hiding, so he’d probably stand out a lot more at first if he didn’t have Michael there to do most of the talking and explain things for him.  Idk if that makes any sense but yeah.  I just love the thought of Karr actually being the knowledgeable older sibling because he’s had much more time to adjust to his new form, and like he actually has a whole life of his own going on that he’s basically just disappeared into until Michael and Kitt show up.  Kitt asks him stuff, and he almost always has an answer.  On occasion, those answers are confidently incorrect.  But he’s trying OAHSDOIHSA

Also Karr and Michael bickering about basically everything, things that don’t matter in the slightest, while Kitt’s just standing there making sure it doesn’t go too far.  The second it starts going south “Why does it matter anyway?” and everyone’s just dead silent.  It didn’t matter they just had a bad case of the Himbos.

Like, it’s pretty easy to forget that Karr’s an AI after you’ve been talking to him for a while.  But then you ask him something when he’s not worked up about anything, and he provides this Giggachad Massive Brain response and it’s like “oh YEAH”

Love Language

BECAUSE WHY NOT

Actually tho, I genuinely think love language is so important to his character specifically.  You can take it as romantic if you want, that’s not how I personally mean it in this case tho.  I mean how he addresses the people that he cares about, no matter what the nature of it is.

See, a lot of the (in my mind) misunderstandings about his character stem from how he acted whenever he got a new pilot.  Like, with Tony and Rev, it could be easy to think that he was being walked all over by them and that he was entirely aimless.  It would also be easy to think that, no, he did have a motivation, because he wanted to steal things + kidnap people.  Same with John to a lesser extent, because John never told him to do the bad things, just also didn’t really try to get him to do good things either.  So surely Karr chose to do bad because he really, really just wanted to?

But I think that, while it doesn’t excuse his bad decisions (ESPECIALLY not the ones that put people’s lives in danger), a lot of it can be explained by love language.  Karr, simply put, has the Acts of Service love language.

The reason Karr let Tony and Rev direct him however they wished is because, after they inadvertently rescued him from deactivation, he felt indebted and was genuinely grateful.  He showed it by DOING whatever they asked of him.  And all he hoped was that they would get him help in exchange, which they did in about the most awful way possible but yeah.

And then John came along, and Karr is DESPERATELY trying to do the same thing... John never asks for his help with, anything really, but Karr is proactively trying to get him to ask for something.  Doesn’t matter what, he’ll do it.  It becomes increasingly frustrating when his acts of service aren’t seen as good enough, when he technically had what he needed but was still sorely lacking a friend.  And then he started going to truly awful extremes to show through ACTION that he was a loyal friend, that whether John thought he needed a companion or not, he’d be there, he PROMISED.

He also, to a somewhat lesser extent, takes action against those who have wronged him, as if to say “I’m done caring, and I’ll SHOW you how”, y’know?  A lot of it was out of self defense, but still important to mention ig.

You could say that this is due to the nature of them being AIs right, like built to provide a service from the beginning so I’m SURE they do feel that way yea.  However, I honestly feel like Kitt would express care through basically anything other than that.  Like, acts of service are the bare minimum, he’d do THAT for anybody because he was made for it.  If he goes out of his way to spend time with you, though--or in an human!AU, if he leans into a hug--then he really does care.  So, I really am not just defaulting to this.  I think Karr specifically thinks of it as more than his obligation, it’s his great joy to show how much he cares.

I think there were more things, but also this post is so long already what IOASHDOSAD- I’m also .  kinda sleepy so I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense oo f- And I hope that it’s worth the wait aa ahhh

[noodlyappendages03]

Yup. That was it. DD walked up with his beautiful eyes and dazzling smile as he always does. He didn't cut and run. He found out I was doing shadow work therapy last week and I thought, "Oh God, he thinks I'm crazy." Turns out he doesn't. He shared that he was in therapy up until his separation last year and then asked me about it. Didn't pry but said I could share if I felt comfortable. I now get the sense that he has strong feelings for me but is mature enough to know that we can't make the two parts of our lives co-exist at this moment in time. Definitely not a fuckboy. He really tried his best to make his marriage work from our conversation today. Loves his baby girl to pieces. But it was a pandemic shotgun wedding with the wrong person. It really, really sucks that I can't sleep with him anymore, but it would only prolong and intensify the pain for both of us. Better to preserve and deepen our relationship as it is than to ruin it completely.

He knows about my major trauma - raped at 18 as a virgin and was impregnated against my will. Dissociated heavily in the days after. I miscarried in a dorm bathroom in the first trimester and was in heavy denial about the pregnancy because I was trying to deal with what had happened, plus I had taken a test too soon and it was negative - stuffed it all down and tried to pretend it never happened because the one person I told laughed at me and didn't believe me. Complex PTSD doesn't let you do that, btw. Attempted suicide 4 months after the miscarriage because the pain of living in the aftermath was just too much. Chose to stay on this earth out of pure spite and hatred toward my rapist, if we're being honest. Yay spite!

I've been able to heal the pregnancy wound by having my daughter 14 years later, but have had deep shame issues around sex ever since. Married a man young who made me feel secure emotionally but had no sex drive. At the time that was fine, and we had our kid, but I could count the times we were intimate on basically two hands in a decade. As I healed, I felt like I was not only missing out but unable to reclaim my sexuality. That ended, and here we are. DD certainly helped me reclaim parts of my sexuality that used to feel dirty to me. He took my virginity in um, a different way...haha! 😆 🍑

DD was in shock and in awe when I shared my story. He revealed he had a son at 22 - accidental pregnancy and later took responsibility after not being present for him growing up. He said he couldn't bear to imagine how painful it must have been for me to not have had a say in my bodily autonomy and to also be just 18 years old - about the same age as his son now, btw - and to technically give birth while being not entirely aware of what was happening with zero support system and then have to deal with complicated grief/rage/PTSD. So he kinda understood my situation, what makes me tick, and why I seek therapy. In fact, his son was born the same year that took place. So yeah...we share a unique bond.

If anything, he seemed to admire me more for being open about journaling and therapy. I'm trying to work on myself. Dude's got his own wounds to heal. He knows we're both unhealed. Both of us felt love and ran scared. Have to fix ourselves before there can be a healthy relationship (and one of us would have to quit because the working environment would become unhealthy - the Gossips!). Time will tell.

[sevicia]

Love songs don't work too well on me when they're sad.

I don't have anything to cry over, I've never even been in love.

I put on a sad love song, about any situation (a breakup, an unrequited crush, a loss), and I feel so incredibly frustrated. I feel so sad, so miserable over never having someone who comes to mind when the word "you" is sung, I feel like my life's gone sour and empty and there's nothing I can do to ever fix it, especially when I find that I don't actually care to meet new people and would rather spend time doing things that concern only me and me alone.

And it makes me happy! It makes me feel good, to finally be able to say "I like this, I made this, I want to do this more!" without feeling like a total liar who only says what he thinks he should say in order to get people off his back.

But then I'm alone, truly alone, and my brain's so tired I can't think up any games to play or stories to spin, and I'm alone and empty and it feels so horrible to be unable to think of anything but what I'm feeling, what I don't deserve to be feeling! My eyes itch, my stomach hurts and I can barely breathe from trying not to make any noise. I hate it so much! It drives me crazy! What reason do I have to be like this? I haven't tried. I don't think I'm capable of trying!

It's pathetic, I can't talk about it when I know someone's listening. I'm crying about love. I'm crying over things that haven't happened yet, things that won't ever happen. I'm crying and I can't explain it in a way that'd make sense to anyone, not even me, but I know it's about love, and knowing it's about love makes it so, so much worse.

I hate wanting love, because I know I am loved! I am loved as a friend, as a pet, as a student, but never as a lover. The way I look, or rather the way I am, makes me feel disgusting for wanting this.

I know I should be satisfied with what I have, not grateful nor indebted but satisfied, because I know I deserve this love I get, it doesn't really matter that I can't understand it. It makes me so happy to have people who look out for me, even when I'm too useless to really do the same for them. I love saying stupid things, sharing meaningless details about my day, watching them do just about anything, most of all I love making them laugh with the stupid things I say. I'm flimsy and unreliable and immature, but I hope I can be a safe place – a distraction from whatever they might be going through. I can talk for hours on end; all they have to do is put up with my stuttering jokes. I can't fix their problems, since my advice usually comes just from theory and observations, no practice available – all I hope for is to make them feel better, even if just a little, even if it doesn't last long.

I'm not sure why exactly I deserve to have people who love me, but I am so happy they do. Knowing they love me allows me to love them back, it allows me to stop being so scared of showing them, of letting them know how much I love them.

It makes me so happy, yet so bitter towards myself. Why aren't I satisfied? Can't I just stop wanting what I'll never have? My life's never been better, I have never been so unafraid, but I still can't fully relax, all because of this stupid want I feel. I say "want", but it's a lot more like a craving that won't ever be satisfied.

Feeling like this, knowing who I am? It's disgusting, repulsive, ugly, idiotic, pathetic, sad. No one will ever look at me that way, people have told me so. Not in those words, obviously, but being told "you're so lovable!" and "I don't know, I can't imagine you ever dating anyone for some reason" five sentences apart doesn't leave much room for interpretation, does it.

I know I am a dog. People who say they're dogs (or dog-like) usually mean they are loyal, or aggressive, or playful or loving, or some combination of any of those.

But the kind of dog I am is all about being loved. So very loved, cherished, yet always separate.

It's not something you can fix. I'm part of the family, I know this, but I'm still a different species. My time runs different from yours. Sometimes, a lot of the times, I don't understand what you're saying, but you sound happy, so I'm happy, too.

I chase you around and I do tricks so you'll smile at me and tell me I'm good. I never feel bad about this, I don't see why I should! I love doing tricks!

You take good care of me, dress me up in winter and take me to the vet when I get sick. I never make a scandal, I'm so well-behaved!

At dinner time, I sit at your feet. I already ate, I never miss a meal – I sit at your feet, maybe lean my head into your lap, only to ask for pets, but never food. I never, ever ask for food, no matter how good it looks or how yummy it smells.

You eat while I lay under the table. Sometimes you comment on it – "Isn't he so good? He never asks for human food!" – and hearing it makes me proud, in a way. I focus on my tricks, on making you happy, never on asking for what I can't have.

I'm such a good dog.

My mouth waters. I can smell every single thing you're eating, and it smells so, so good, I just wanna jump up on your lap so I too can have a seat at the table! But I've done it before, and being so close to the food is torture. The smell is even stronger, I salivate even more, and from here I could just lean over a bit while you're not looking, try and grab a bite...

Yes, I could grab a bite, but I won't. I stay put and jump down eventually, going back under the table. I can still hear your chatter, the sounds of cutlery, of chewing, I can tell you're having a really good meal.

A meal that I can't partake in.

Physically, I can, of course, but I know better than to try. I know my place is down here, yours is up there – it's not that you think I'm lesser, it's just how it works. You can't think of a dog eating dinner at a table without laughing, it just sounds so silly!

So I stay under the table, I hear you laugh and chew and swallow it smells so good, my mouth waters and waters and I drool all over myself, but I already ate. Now all I've got are cravings for *your* food, which you won't give me, *can't* give me, because it's people food. Sure, I could eat *some* of it, but then I'll start begging for it. It's better if I don't know what I'm missing out on.

So bad, so bad, I wanna eat it so bad! But I know my place: at your feet, well-behaved and taken care of. So cherished I could never hate you.

But I do resent you. The way you get to sit at the table without sticking out like a sore thumb, the way it's *natural* for you to sit at the table and eat whatever you want.

It's just so unfair, to be so different and have to watch as everyone around me eats while keeping my mouth shut, never whining or whimpering.

I am a dog. You love me, but I'm different from you; we could never stand the same, wish for the same.

I'm so tired. I need to sleep. So tired. I wanna wake up a different person. I'm so sorry I keep wanting more, I'm so sorry I can't get used to this, it's so hard. It hurts so much

[modcrnspirits]

open starter! atonement. muse: alfie mac cumhaill. plot: your muse discovered Alfie did something bad (cheat, got into trouble, forgot their anniversary, etc) and has been "punishing" Alfie since then in a look-but-don't-touch situation which is driving Alfie crazy. feel free to bring one of alfie's brothers to make him pay for his dumb actions. obs: Alfie may be the top, but he is a submissive guy. possible k*nks: (these are examples, feel free to add more or ignore these) cuck, rimming, cock sucking, deepthroat, verbal abuse, teasing, blue balls, etc.

"I'm sorry, pet. I really am." Kneeling on the side of their bed, Alfie's face was twisted in a deep, uncontrolable need. he watched his boy naked - he had been watching him naked for more than 10 days now and he couldn't touch that, sniff that, taste that. he could watch from a far and think about how bad he had acted. "i've been so stupid, it is true. my fucking cock took over and i just didn't think straight." hence the magical lock squeezing his once big and thick cock into a dicklet almost invisible over his full bull balls. "please. forgive me, pet, i'll be good, just let me- let me touch you, hm? show you how much i want you."

these words had been repeated so many times. and alfie meant all of them. it was not just the need for sex, even though that played a big role, but he felt truly guilty for having hurt his pet. he wanted to atone, but being locked and unable to do anything but steal dirty underwears for a good sniff were not helping. he needed his pet and that ass exposed on the bed with the light coming through the window as if the gods wanted to punish him too were almost hurting him. phisically and spiritually. "please. i'll make you cum using my tongue only. anywhere you want. just my tongue. just to prove my love. come on pet, let me taste you again."

[inventedfangirling]

update about my laptop situation, theyre still saying it will take more days for things to get sorted out and not being able to write anything was driving me crazy😭😭😭

so today i tried writing on my phone and since it was mostly editing, i was actually able to do it. imma try posting chapter 1 through my phone itself if possible.

but before that im still confused about what title to give the fic. user fiercynn so kindly helped me narrow it down to three but im still unable to pick from among them. the fic is set in episode 7 bet era just to give you context and the options are arranged in the order (first one being my favourite) of my fondness for them.

[soulmate-game]

Harley’s Plea for Help: Chapter 2

Chapter 1

“How long do you think it’s gonna take before she decides to sneak out?” Nightwing asked over his comms, lazily leaning against the balcony railing in front of him with his head resting on one hand.

“Dude, I started sneaking out almost twenty minutes ago,” a girl’s voice made Nightwing squeak and turn around, to reveal a teenage girl leaning against the door that led to the balcony he was on. “I didn’t want to draw attention to myself by doing unnecessarily showy gymnastics down from my hotel room’s balcony, no matter how much fun that would be, so I just snuck out one of the hotel’s back exits. Then I looked up to admire the moon and saw you here, staking out what is clearly my suite, and decided to come pay you a visit.”

“How long have you been there? And how did you even get behind me? I hope you didn’t break and enter, that’s an actual lived-in apartment behind us right now,” Nightwing asked, turning around to analyze the daughter of Harley Quinn for the first time in person.

She looked just like in her pictures, of course. Jet black hair like her father’s, except it seemed to have a bluish shine in the light. And her eyes were definitely Harley’s— thank goodness for that —vibrant blue and clearly analyzing him with the same amount of intensity as his did her. He had to bite back a chuckle. In a turn of complete irony, she really did look like a Wayne kid. Fit all of Bruce’s usual criteria to be adopted. But she was tiny, even smaller than Harley’s lithe form. He, Bruce, and Tim were of the hypothesis that the exposure both her parents had to Ace Chemical’s vats of acid likely had an effect on her DNA that stunted her growth. Perhaps there were other effects that they wouldn’t be able to figure out until they got to know her better, too, though it was clear that her skin was a likely one. It wasn’t unnaturally pale like her parent’s after their acid dips but it was paler than normal for sure, just a shade or two shy of being paper white.

And he could see, now, what Harley meant when she referred to Marinette as a powerhouse. It wasn’t very noticeable in pictures, but up close Dick could see the carefully honed muscle of an acrobat curling over her otherwise slim build. Combined with the knowledge that Marinette had been taught at least some serious self defense from a young age, he could see how such a tiny package could be a remarkable threat when necessary.

Marinette grimaced as the other Batfam, who were all nearby staking out her room from different angles, dropped onto the large balcony with them.

“Uh, well. I didn’t break and enter, I rather not get off to a criminal-ly start on my first night in Gotham, you know? But I realized that even though I was able to figure out the exact room you were staking me out from, I realized as soon as I got into the first floor of the building that I had no idea how to actually get to you. So I just climbed the stairs all the way to the roof and scaled my way down to this balcony, and pretended I’ve been here for a while when really I was barely able to hear you ask when I was gonna sneak out. I’m still out of breath, actually,” she put a hand on her chest and sure enough her breathing was still slightly fast. But not enough to be worrying or even all that noticeable. Yet another piece of evidence to show that she was a very active individual and had resistance built up to physical activity.

“Yup,” Robin groused grumpily, crossing his arms. “With all that rambling, you couldn’t be anyone else’s child but Quinzel’s.”

Marinette’s face immediately flushed pink all the way to her ears. “I’m sorry! I’ve been trying so hard to quit that habit, too!” She grumbled a bit to herself, putting her face in her hands. They all chuckled at the display. Red Hood ambled over, draping his arm over her shoulders (he nearly had to bend in half to do it, the height difference was that bad).

“As adorable as your freak out is, why’d you even come up here anyway? There’s no way you’d scale down a ten-story building just to say hello.”

She let out a heavy sigh at that, slowly peeling her face out of her hands. “Yeah, I recognized you guys right away. And honestly, as much as Momma Harley would be super proud of me for managing to give an entire group of vigilantes the slip, she’d also ground me for life if she found out that I saw you guys and still snuck away even though she probably swallowed her pride and asked you guys to babysit me, right? Self preservation. Contrary to popular belief, I do actually have some.”

“Wait,” Red Robin held up a hand, brows clearly furrowed under his cowl. “You expected her to ask for our help?”

“Well,” she made a so-so motion with her hand. “I didn’t think of it beforehand, but it all clicked once I saw Nightwing. I know how much my mom is worried about me, especially since you-know-who broke out a few days ago. She is more than worried enough to ask you guys for help. Even if she does complain about you guys, a lot actually, she also has made it clear that she trusts you guys with the stuff that actually matters.

“‘You know who’?” Batman repeated, arms crossed. If Marinette squinted, she thought there might have been a grin on his lips. “Is that how you always refer to him?”

“What else am I gonna call him?” she asked, face going deadpan. “Sperm donor? Source of a large amount of my self doubt and depreciation? The prime reason I haven’t been able to see my mom in person more often over the years? Oh, I know! How about I just always refer to him as ‘that bastard I wanna punch,’? That sounds good!” she rolled her eyes sarcastically. “Only one person in this world has the right to be considered my father in any capacity, and it sure as hell isn’t him. Genetics notwithstanding.”

Red Hood straight up guffawed at that, landing several rough pats on her back that made the girl stumble a bit. “Yep, I like this one! But as fun as it would be to see you give that jackass a mean left hook, it’s better if he never finds out who you are or knows that you’re here,” the vigilante’s voice got dark and serious very quickly. “He doesn’t forget people he finds interesting easily, and if he ever finds out about the connection you have to him, he’ll be a constant threat in your life.”

“I know,” Marinette agreed with a nod. “And if this conversation was happening two years ago, I’d say that my mom’s concerns aren’t unfounded. That I am too easily emotionally compromised and despite my deep seated issues and hatred for that man, I couldn’t guarantee he would be unable to get to me.”

Batman straightened up, as did all of his sons around him. None of them had missed the ‘if’ there. Batman’s voice went from charmingly deep to it’s usual gruff grumble. “What changed in two years?”

They all watched as Marinette gulped, taking a deep breath as she stalled for time, looking out at the view on the balcony before seeming to steel herself and return her gaze to Batman’s. When she did, it was suddenly full of iron will.

“I didn’t lie when I told Mom that I came to visit her— but that isn’t the whole truth, either. If I just wanted to visit her in Gotham, I would have waited until I was eighteen like we agreed. But I can’t wait, Paris can’t keep going on like this. I entered that contest because it was the fastest way to see you. I didn’t know if I would win, but… I had to take the chance. There was no way I’d be able to get to Gotham behind my mom’s back otherwise.”

“What are you talking about?” Robin hissed, stepping up to his father’s side. “Paris has been silent. If anything were happening, we would have heard about it by now.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” Marinette corrected, never losing that ironclad look in her eyes. “Because a combination of magic and politics is keeping it quiet. No news about Paris’ situation is able to leave the city limits. Magic makes any non-native who leaves Paris think that everything they experienced was just a crazy dream. Natives won’t forget, but politics has all of us under very strict NDAs if we leave city boundaries, and all of our local news and social media is blocked from being accessed by anyone outside the city. But, I figured a little breaking of the rules wouldn’t exactly put a stain on my family’s reputation or anything, so,” she dug in her pocket and pulled out a thumb drive, holding it up for all of them to see. She swallowed again, but never stopped her eye contact with Batman. She held out the thumb drive.

“I came to Gotham to ask for your help. This sped things up, I didn’t expect to see you on my first night here, but two years in Hawkmoth’s Paris has really taught me how to roll with the punches. This,” she shook the thumb drive. “Holds videos of every fight since HawkMoth first showed up. It has all the information I’ve gathered over two years, tracks his movements and lists all his targets and— everything. But I’m not a detective, I’m a designer. I make clothes, I spar on the weekends, I am not good at getting evidence to prove that someone is a magic-abusing villain holding an entire city hostage.”

“We’re gonna need some details, Little Q,” Red Hood finally removes his arm from around her shoulders, instead crossing his arms and looking down at her sternly. “If your city has a villain holding it hostage, is anyone fighting him? And if you do have someone fighting him, why don’t you need our help, or why didn’t they call the Justice League? The JLE should be in Paris, right?”

Marinette snorted, face scrunching up in obvious distaste. “I’ll have to answer those a little out of order. First; the JLE was kicked out of Paris. They moved their headquarters to Italy about five years ago, I’m just surprised they apparently kept that secret from you,” she gestured to all of them, who indeed seemed very caught off guard by that tidbit. But Marinette just sighed and continued. “Though that’s a good thing, actually. We do have heroes, it started out as just a pair but it’s grown into a small team out of necessity. They didn’t call the Justice League because the last thing we need is any powered heroes coming in and making it worse— your league doesn’t have the best reputation for letting newer heroes take the lead even on their home turf, you know,” she pointed out, which made Batman shift a bit guiltily. He knew the JL was often a bit… heavy handed in their methods.

“What makes the situation so bad that you don’t want to bring experienced heroes into it?” Red Robin cut in, sounding as if the whole situation was a puzzle he was determined to sort out. Which, really, was exactly what Marinette had been counting on. She shot him a finger gun, grinning.

“That’s exactly the point! Hawkmoth uses a magical artifact, like I said— but this artifact can brainwash anybody who experiences even the slightest negative emotion. Sadness, anger, fear— anything negative. And it gives them powers, but puts them largely under his influence,” her expression twisted again, this time into a wry little grimace. “I guess you can say that my momma’s psychiatry background has secretly come in handy a lot over these past two years. And Hawkmoth is exactly why I try to tell Momma Harley to stop visiting me— I have worked my butt off to keep her from finding out about his attacks or getting Akumatized. Every time she shows up it gives me a heart attack!”

“Akumatized?”

Marinette waved a hand dismissively. “It’s the term used for when someone is turned into a super powered villain because of HawkMoth. The brainwashing— really it’s more similar to a straight up corruption. The person usually lacks their usual moral compass, and just seeks to soothe whatever set off their negative emotion in the first place. Usually, that means they seek a bloody revenge. And if someone who already has extensive training or extremely strong powers gets Akumatized, guess what?” She made jazz hands even though her face was deadpan. “Extra powers, or amplified ones, for the metas or superheroes who are Akumatized. And imagine what someone with, say, Batman’s level of experience could do if he had powers and no moral compass,” the silence that followed her words was deafening. She just nodded, knowing she had gotten her point across. “I’ve been working my butt off to stay positive, because if I’m Akumatized…” her shoulders fell, and she had to swallow a lump in her throat. “... I have no idea what I’d turn into, but if you take into consideration both my training and my family history… it’s really best if we never find out what kind of magic-powered supervillain I’d make.”

“So, let me get this straight,” Nightwing said after another long moment of silence for that to all sink in. He gestured at her with an open palm. “You’ve been dealing with a terrorist for two years who targets emotional vulnerability, you apparently have never been corrupted by this magic at least to present day, but your mother still worries about you being very emotionally fragile. And your heroes are not detectives, which is clearly what you need or you wouldn’t have asked us for our help.”

Marinette nodded. “I used to be very impressionable. At the start of all this, I was a huge people-pleaser. I got attached to new people in a matter of minutes. My mom always said I reminded her too much of herself— but two years of fighting off a guy trying to get into my head—“

“Wait,” Batman nearly barked, taking a step forward. “He’s been targeting you? You specifically?”

Marinette nodded grimly, mouth a straight line. “Not from the beginning, but this past year it’s been painfully obvious. He might be able to sense the strength of people’s emotions, and unfortunately I don’t exactly experience my emotions very… gently. All of my emotions tend to the much more intense side of the spectrum. If that’s true, then he might know that any negative emotion I feel will make an extremely strong Akuma. Either that, or he’s going by process of elimination. All of my friends, except for one, have been Akumatized already. So has my Papan and my grandmother. But it’s obvious when he’s targeting someone, I’ve felt him try to override my will on several occasions. But I can’t just repress all of my negative emotions forever, so consider us working against the clock right now. That thumb drive has all the details you need about our heroes, how exactly Hawkmoth’s powers work, and so on.”

“Do your heroes know you’re asking for our help?” Red Robin asked, gaze burning a figurative hole through Marinette’s face. “Better yet, if this drive has as much information as you say it does, how did you get it?”

Marinette handed the drive over to Batman, who finally took it and tucked it in his belt as she answered.

“Momma Harley might have a lot to say about your detective skills, but you are all still strangers to me. So consider this a test of your abilities— I expect that you will all go to extreme lengths to verify all of the information I gave you anyway. After all, I’m still the daughter of your most hated enemy. Right?” She met each of their gazes, one by one, with a challenging one of her own. “You’ll just have to figure out my connection to the heroes on your own. And how I got the information, too. It shouldn’t be too hard for the so-called world’s greatest detectives. And maybe this can double as a trust exercise. I fully expect you guys to scour through every inch of my past, and dig up everything you can on me. I encourage you to try to find everything you can, so that hopefully you can decide to trust me on your own once you have all the details laid out in front of you. By the way, for your own sanity? I’d start with reading about all of our heroes’ powers and abilities before you watch any footage of past attacks.”

Red hood rocked back on his heels, trading glances with the other vigilantes before they all shared a nod. Apparently having decided their course of action, Red Hood leaned down and hoisted Marinette up into a princess carry. All traces of her previous iron will melted away in favor of the high pitched squeal of surprise she gave, and once more she became an overly flustered teenager.

“Alright, little cutie. Let’s get you to your mom’s place before she and her crazy plant lady fiancé come hunting us down.”

“I can walk! I can freerun on my own! Mon dieu please let me down! Eeeeek!” She squealed again as Robin slapped a domino mask over her eyes and Red Hood wasted no time jumping over the balcony railing with her still in his arms. The fact that they were lowered down by a wire wrapped around Hood’s waist didn’t seem to take away any of the fright that came with a sudden drop over an eighth-story balcony.

Part 1

@emotionalsupportginger @alysrose-starchild @emistar0 @kibastray @justanotherfanficlovinbitch @alyssadeliv @blackroserelina @blackstarlight-co @readingalldaysleepingallnight @maanae @aespades @jaybird-and-co @fleursroses @probably-a-hologram @misterpianoman (didn’t work sorry)