#and by default transphobia is not allowed

[shadowgast-recs-weekly]

A couple of changes

Hey all!

We've passed a couple of big milestones recently (Our 1000th rec! 5000 likes on tumblr! 69th themed week!), which seems like a good time to make a couple of changes!

The first, and biggest one: We're opening up recs to the general public! They'll work similar to the way that the gen recs and the not-quite-rarepair recs work - read the rules, prove that you've read the rules by submitting the password that's embedded in them, and then submit the rec. It's not foolproof, but it keeps bots away and hopefully convinces people.

We're doing this because, to be honest, two of the three people who are involved in this reclist aren't all that active on the discord this reclist is associated with, and I (Opera) think the reclist can be better if it has more voices involved, which means expanding the reccing pool.

Because of #1: 

2. We're changing the rules slightly. 

So, this reclist is anonymous. Unless you mention who you are in the comments of the rec itself, then we have no way of knowing who recced it.  Which in some ways is great! But it also means that when there's a potential issue, we can't send a quick DM to maybe clear things up.

One of the reasons why I was so hesitant about opening this up to everyone was that people tend to give people they share a community with more grace and good faith than randos, and because when there was an issue, I could put a message in the discord and - well, it didn't feel great, but at least it felt less like a call out post than putting it on tumblr where everyone can see it.

So, this is going to take some trust, but this is what we're going to do:

a. We will not allow any rec that is deemed, without a questionable doubt by the mods to be racist, transphobic, or mean spirited towards the work itself or the other works in the fandom. If the part that is racist, transphobic, or mean spirited can be excised without deleting the entire rec, we will do so. Otherwise, we'll remove it.

To be clear, we will still allow works that feature racism (for example, characters dealing with fantasy racism) or transphobia - it's that the rec itself should not be.

b. We will also remove any rec by author request. I've been hesitant to do this in the past, and we're not really equipped to ban any author from being recced, but will be willing to do so on a case by case basis.

c. When making a change, the default will be to make a change quietly. If you notice something's up, you can DM @operafloozy or @theusualjasper and we will let you know privately. I'm all for transparency, but announcing that someone was being weird on a rec on tumblr (where it can't be easily contained) is probably going to lead to bad feelings all around.

d. We're going to ask that everyone take things with as much good faith and grace as possible. I really, really don't want to remove anything, and this is asking folks who don't know the mods to trust us. I also don't want this reclist to become a vehicle of bullying or transphobia, but also I don't want people to get paranoid about their rec not being good enough or secretly transphobic somehow.

3. Also, we're putting the first ten themes back into the randomizer to be picked. It's been nearly two years, and we're down to only twelve unpicked themes. After ten weeks, we'll add the next ten themes back in, and so on.

Those themes are:

Cozy

Getting Nerdy About Magic

Professor Widogast

Culture Differences

Canon Divergent AU

Featuring Essek's Parents

Featuring Verin

Scourger/Evil AU

Featuring Astrid/Eadwulf

Wild Magic

[dreemurr-skelememer]

im trans btw 👍 trans non-binary, if you didn't know

and it took me years of coping and a lot of self-evaluation to consider myself as such, so if it wasn't obvious, i'd like everybody to know

this identification is important to me and i just. wanted everybody to be sure that it matters to me and i am with everybody who chooses to identify with the word 'trans' in every way shape and form.

it is a part of me, a part of my whole being, and i don't want it to simply be treated as a label rather than my identity

[pastadoughie]

can non intersex trans people please stop putting intersexism and bio essentialism shit on my dash like??? all the time???

whenever i try to talk about nuance in transphobia and point out blatant intersexism i am simultaneously made out to be a stupid naive little bitch woman who doesnt know what shes talking about and an evil misogynistic man when i am neither. its textbook erasure and dehumanization no matter how polite and understanding i try to be. and i am talking SPECIFICALLY about trans people. often because perisex trans people are WORSE at recognizing and correcting their intersexism because they view themselves as "above" bioessentialism for their transness,,, its honestly tiring

the way sexism presents is the fundamental idea that :

women by default have LESS agency

and men by default have MORE agency

i feel like i shouldnt have to tell you that this is dehumanization of BOTH, but ill do it anyway. someones agency in a given situation depends on a VARIETY of different factors, like class / race / disability / location / & the political views of the community they are in

moreover "man" and "woman" are not actually defined terms. for example, being a victim of misogyny has ZERO correlation to whether or not you are a woman, in BOTH ways that people categorize womanhood. either as a biological trait (or a collection of traits) or as an identity label

if you get catcalled on the street that is not because you ARE a woman but because you are PERCEIVED AS ONE by the catcaller. someones profiling of you as a woman being accurate DOESNT MEAN IT ISNT PROFILING. literally NOBODY has a chromosome detector 3000.

so many forms of gender based discrimination perpetrated in the queer community COMPLETELY skip over these nuances in discrimination and often get EXTREMELY ANGRY when you try to point them out! this is often because people have this inherent belief that they are somehow transcendent and that they DO magically have a chromosome detector 3000, that their profiling is magically always correct, and this belief is tied to their ego.

moreover people mischaracterize sexism as just "hating women" and NOT actually as "sorting people arbitrarily into boxes for their perceived genders", if you are a TERF you are EXACTLY THE SAME AMOUNT OF SEXIST as someone who believes women shouldnt be allowed to vote. they still hold the fundamental idea of men by default having more agency.

i think TERFism is a wonderful example of how people can be sexist against men and the harm that it causes, because that is the ideological core of radfem politics.

people perceived as "male" when placed in a community full of people seen as "female" are automatically seen as predatory for their perceived privilege (regardless of if those privileges actually apply in that setting at all! look at transfemmes! they get literally zero benefits from their perceived manhood, and yet are still seen as predatory because of it ). when i speak about "misandry" however loaded the word is- this is what i am referring to, the assumptions and discrimination that comes from being arbitrarily placed in a gender category seen as having universally more agency.

because agency isnt innate or biological this sorting into categories is ALWAYS sexism even if they benefit the person!!

this is why i think phrases like "TME" are inherently harmful, because weather or not someone is seen as a "man" or a "woman" is completely arbitrary and can differ wildly depending on not only the person doing the profiling, but also the context of the situation. trans-misogyny, being seen as a "man" trying to "invade" a "womans space" is not exclusive to transfemmes nor even universally applies TO transfemmes.

moreover its why i hate the word "trans-androphobia" because its not even descriptive of the perception of being a "girl" trying to be a "man"

i think in general the shorthand the trans community uses lacks so much fucking nuance and is baked in with intersexism and bio essentialism  pretty much as a rule.. i think it's infinitely more clear to use words corresponding to what exactly the profiling of whoever is being bigoted is far more helpful and clear, but in order for something like that to be clear it needs to actually be used with nuance and keeping in mind the fact that discrimination is based on PROFILING and not off of any kind of objective reality. In which words that just mean "the type of discrimination transmen go through" is ambiguous and unhelpful on every level.

if you wanna be less intersexist YOU NEED TO LET GO of the idea that certain people universally have more/less agency AS WELL AS THE IDEA that you are universally exempt from or included in any kind of gender based discrimination

[puppiekit]

I think the funniest thing ever to me is seeing people on tumblr preach "transandrophobia bad" but then you look at the transandrophobia tag and its basically just "transmascs are not cis, do not have cis privileges, and still face oppression / societal discrimination" and "I have personally faced (X) and (Y) issue because of my tansmasc identity"

.... Aka literally no different from any other minority on planet earth talking about their issues.

But for some reason people on tumblr want to tell you acknowledging this issue specifically, and putting a name to it, is not only bad (because for some reason acknowledging that transmascs have issues = claiming cis men are oppressed...? Because idk people feel the need to make shit up);

but actively harmful to transfems (And I'm going to be blunt here: acting like transfems are the only ones who have problems, or are the only ones allowed to talk about their problems, is so incredibly horrible it's actually insane. And quiet frankly very infantilizing).

To be quiet frank it only boils down to the communities continuous hatred for masculinity. Nobody wants to admit the fact that their community will never be a truly safe space before they stop labeling people "good" or "bad" dependent on who they are or how they chose to identify. It's harmful when cis people do it, and it's equally as harmful when queers do it.

And don't even get me started on the fact that a large part of this pointless beef is rooted in the communities refusal to acknowledge intersectionality (aka a bunch of white people unable to grasp the fact that they are not the default and peoples race can play a part in their gender, how it is perceived, and how it effects their oppression... Including masculinity).

I know this is going to piss a bunch of people off but to be entirely honest I was raised a woman for 18+ years, and I still socially pass for a woman NOW, and the shit I get in my day to day life does not even compare to the amount of hostility I face FROM MY OWN COMMUNITY as a transmasc.

At least a random person on the street will be blatant about their hatred for me, trans or not. The people in this community will instead manipulate and gaslight and try to convince you their crap treatment towards transmascs is "a good thing" or "good allyship". No, hating others for identifying a way you don't like and and "betraying their womanhood" does not make you a good ally to anybody, and especially transfems -- in fact, I'd say you're kind of throwing them under the bus by using them as an excuse to be a terrible person.

Whatever... Ignore my rant... I'm tired of people being terrible to eachother. And also it super pissed me off as a POC to see people compare talking about the problems transmascs face to "what if white people claimed they were being discriminated against for being white?!?!?!" as if that is anywhere near the same..... Like are you a legitimate dumbass or what? Why the hell do you people always use POC and their experiences as leverage against others.

How are you going to compare a TRANS person talking about their unique experiences with TRANSPHOBIA to a person at a societal advantage falsely claiming to be oppressed??? POC are only worth considering when you can use our issues to your benefit I guess

WHATEVER.....

[funnier-as-a-system]

hello i noticed in a recent post you used the term disableist, is there a specific reason for this/is it different to the term ableist? genuine question

Yes, and I'm so glad you asked!

Most people use the term "ableist" to refer to any structural or discriminatory problems a disabled person faces for being disabled. However, the term actually refers to the structural/societal assumption that all people are fully abled, and all that that comes with that idea; it's the way people think ableness is the default. You can think of it like the disability version of heteronormativity, if that comparison makes it easier to understand. One example would be a store owner who doesn't organize their shop in a way that wheelchair users can navigate because it doesn't occur to them that wheelchair users may want to visit their shop. Examples like this make up the bulk of inaccessibility, as it's often a lack of consideration for disabled people that causes things to be inaccessible [when they could be accessible with accommodations].

Ableism often goes hand-in-hand with disableism, which is the attitude that disabled people are inherently lesser than abled people or are otherwise "other", but both can be independent of one another. One example of disableism would be someone referring to a person as a "mental cripple" for being autistic. An example of ableism and disableism together would be a doctor who refuses to properly diagnose a patient because they think (insert whatever condition here) would be obvious and easy to identify, and that because their patient doesn't behave exactly the way they think people with that condition have, they must not have it. Or, in other words, because their patient doesn't match the idea the doctor has in their head about what people with a certain condition/disability "look like", which stereotypes and others all those with that condition/disability, their patient must not have it and thus be abled.

Together, ableism and disableism create the structural, social, and discriminatory problems that disabled people face for being disabled. They can also intersect with other -isms and -phobias, such as sanism, racism, and transphobia, as well as other biases and attitudes, such as people with a negative view of addicts/addiction not allowing someone with chronic pain to take pain medication for fear they'll become addicted to it. These aren't perfect categories you can neatly sort experiences into, but they help with identifying specific problems to tackle or that someone is facing, which is why I like to be specific where I can.

Hope this answers your question, anon!

[fozmeadows]

on the outing of kit connor

can I just - 

the reason coming out is a thing - the whole reason we have a CONCEPT of coming out - are heteronormative social defaults. we live in a culture that assumes everyone is straight: that teaches us to assume, not only that everyone else is straight, but that we are straight, and which overwhelmingly, depending on context and location, either treats queerness as something external to the norm, something invisible and shameful, or something downright evil. and so we have a situation where, when you are queer in whatever way, coming out is never a one-and-done situation, because even if you’ve come out a hundred times in your life, strangers will continue to assume you’re cis and straight unless you tell them otherwise - which it may not always be safe to do, because of homophobia and transphobia. so out people, despite being out in whatever way, can still exist in this constant state of semi-closetedness, not because they want to, but because of the refusal of others to entertain the reality of their existence as a human default, rather than as a specialised exception to the norm. straightness and cisness can always be Assumed, says this logic, but queerness must be Proven: otherwise it cannot possibly exist.  

all this being so, when you demand that a real, human person discloses their sexuality to you before they’re ready? when you forcibly out someone? you’re contributing to the same heteronormative social defaults whose dominance you’re ostensibly using to justify Why Visible Queerness Matters, because what you’re really demanding is certainty, and the emphasis on certainty IS THE WHOLE GODDAMN PROBLEM. what you’re saying is, “I assume that everyone is straight until or unless they expressly confirm otherwise, because that’s the Correct Assumption. assuming that someone is queer, therefore, would be Incorrect, even if they’re signaling solidarity with and support for the queer community - even if they’re signaling queerness in other ways - because queerness isn’t allowed any ambiguity. I must be Certain of who is queer and who is Not, because it’s Wrong to assume a person isn’t straight” and I just.

[stares directly into the camera] really. really! who is it, I wonder, who taught you that it’s wrong to assume people aren’t straight? who told you that it’s potentially insulting to be thought of as queer, but NEVER insulting to be assumed straight? what social norms, I ask, imparted the idea that thinking of someone as queer is “imposing sexuality” on them (negative), whereas thinking of them as straight is Perfectly Normal? do you think, perhaps, that continually assuming everyone is straight to the point where you demand a public, notarised Admission Of Queerness to be exempted from that assumption maybe serves to further entrench the idea of Straight As Default, thereby creating a more hostile and less accepting environment for queer people? has it occurred to you that, if you respond with derision and hostility to anyone who (for instance) plays with gender presentation through fashion, evokes a queer aesthetic or otherwise says Fuck You to presenting as cishet without expressly confirming their queerness, you are making it HARDER for queer people to exist safely in public, to say nothing of shoring up toxic, shitty gender binaries for cishet people?

does the entertainment industry have a historical problem re: casting straight people in queer roles and praising their performances while simultaneously refusing to cast queer people in those roles because “it wouldn’t be acting”? YES. is this some homophobic bullshit? YES. does hollywood, despite its supposed status as a liberal bastion, still have a huge fucking problem with homophobia and treating out actors and other out creatives like shit? YES. 

is any of this improved by forcing queer actors to out themselves, the better to feel comforted that a FICTIONAL queer person isn’t being “disrespected” by a real human actor, or whatever the fuck other justification you’d care to run with? NO. NO IT FUCKING ISN’T. 

does forcing people to out themselves increase the lack of safety queer people feel and experience within an already homophobic industry? IT SURE FUCKING DOES. 

all of you go to your godamned rooms and think about what you’ve done

[transvarmint]

On Transmisandry and Related Issues

How we define Transmisandry:

Transmisandry describes an intersection of transphobia, misogyny, and the marginalization of non-hegemonic masculinity & manhood.

Anyone, regardless of birth assignment, gender identity, gender presentation, etc, can experience transmisandry at any point. However, it is primarily targeted as transmasculine people and adjacent groups.

Similarly, transmisogyny is the intersection of transphobia and misogyny that is primarily targeted at transfeminine individuals and adjacent groups. It can be experienced by anyone, but it is largely targeted towards transfems.

The same goes for exorsexism (oppression directed at nonbinary people) and intersexism (oppression directed at intersex people).

[More talking points below the cut].

"How are manhood and masculinity marginalized under the Patriarchy?"

Any expressions of manhood and masculinity that do not strictly adhere to white, Christian, colonialist, abled, cisheteronormative, allonormative, (+etc) standards can be harshly marginalized under the Patriarchy.

This is because for the Patriarchy to function, rigid enforcement of these standards is mandatory. Any sort of subversion of the status quo must be punished to maintain White Christian Hegemony. There is no room for self-expression, because that is a challenge to the Patriarchy, and may allow room for other people to challenge it as well.

Some examples of marginalized masculinity include Black men, whose manhood is demonized. They are often viewed as inherently violent or aggressive, especially if they display masculine qualities. This often results in police violence, which is usually justified with the fear that police felt simply by being in the presence of a Black man.

Disabled men, conversely, often experience having their masculinity entirely diminished. This relates to the phenomenon of "degendering" in which those who do not fit into certain standards will have their ability to access manhood entirely revoked.

As for transgender men and transmasuline people, our entire experiences of manhood and masculinity are marginalized. The fact that we express these things at all is a slight against the patriarchy, and our masculinity is transgressive by default.

"But trans men have male privilege"

Having male privilege means that one benefits from misogyny on both an interpersonal and systemic level. Because trans men are unilaterally oppressed by misogyny, this means that we cannot benefit from male privilege, regardless of how well we pass.

Some trans men who pass may receive interpersonal male privilege (i.e. being treated with more respect by strangers), but this is extremely conditional. It is conditional upon staying closeted and that nobody ever finds out you are trans. Because the moment that happens, the supposed "privilege" evaporates, and he is now immediately subject to potential violence.

This is very similar to the argument about trans women experiencing male privilege. A trans women who stays closeted and attempts to adhere to patriarchal standards of manhood may receive conditional benefits, but she will always be oppressed by misogyny on a systemic level. So she does not actually benefit from male privilege systemically.

"Saying that trans men face misogyny is misgendering / it's only misdirected"

Saying that trans men face misogyny is a demonstrable fact, and it only appears to be misgendering because of the assumption that only women face misogyny.

However, trans men deal with misogyny on a regular basis, both interpersonally and systemically. Having our reproductive rights controlled is a key example of this, as even a trans man who passes is still impacted by anti-abortion laws and other reproductive restrictions.

It cannot be misdirected when we are the direct targets of it. People often see us as failed women who need to be corrected and put into line. They very much see and acknowledge us and are disgusted by us, and wish to use violence to correct us.

"Misandry isn't real"

Transmisandry is not simply "transphobia + misandry". As described above, it is the intersection of multiple things. Words do not just mean the literal definition of their roots. By the same logic, cissexism would mean sexism against cis people, rather than the assumption that everyone is cis.

And besides, marginalization of some forms of manhood and masculinity is very real, as elaborated above. The hatred and fear of our masculinity is an essential aspect of our oppression.

"Trans men oppress trans women / transmisandry implies trans women oppress trans men."

Trans people cannot oppress each other (on the basis of being trans) as they do not have the systemic power to do so. There are no (or very, very few) trans people in positions of power that are creating and perpetuating the system structures used to oppress us.

Trans men also do not materially benefit from transmisogyny in any way. We do not gain anything from the oppression of trans women - and in fact, any attack on the trans community harms trans people as a whole.

Lateral aggression is absolutely a real thing within the trans community, but it comes from every part of the community, not just one group to another.

"What trans men face is just transphobia, not some special category"

Every trans person faces unique intersections of oppression based on the demographics they occupy.

The argument frequently made is that trans men only face oppression for being trans, and not for being men. This is false, and is incongruent with the experiences of many trans men. We are targeted specifically for being transmasculine / trans men. People notice our masculinity and manhood and are disgusted by it, and choose to use violence to suppress it. To say that people only hate us for being trans, is an attempt to separate us from our manhood / masculinity (which coincidentally, is exactly what transphobes do as well).

Also, the idea that gendered violence against trans men is "just" transphobia, while other types of transphobia are more specific, wrongly centers men's experiences as the default, and all others as deviations.

By creating a word to describe this specific type of transphobia, it now puts everyone on an equal playing field where no experience is treated as the default. Transphobia now becomes the umbrella term that trans people are unified in our fight against, and all the other more granular terms are useful labels to describe overlapping types of oppression.

"Why don't you call it transandrophobia or anti-transmasculinity?"

Explained here in this post:

[theroguefeminist]

As an educator I think one of the biggest impediments to tackling homophobia and transphobia is the notion children must be protected from lgbt people and topics. The idea that there is something perverted, suspect or dangerous about children learning about lgbt topics results in censorship. The silencing of these topics in schools and censorship of them in children's media allows cis straight kids to absorb the attitudes of friends and family without questioning them. It's even more pernicious than just outright censorship though- I've met well-meaning adults who are simply uncomfortable with teaching these things to their students or children and politely or implicitly discourage it. Sometimes they'll frame it in benign ways like kids not being "developmentally ready." But even when someone says it with a smile in the name of "protecting" kids from "uncomfortable" conversations or "confusing" topics, the end result is the same. At best, straight kids are ignorant about the experiences of lgbt kids and see straightness as the default and at worst they hold on to homophobic and transphobic views that they have never even questioned.

[danggirlronpa]

Oh, are we talking about trans headcanons??? I see someone already mentioned transfem Kazuichi, which I'm a pretty big fan of! But have you guys considered transfem Fuyuhiko? I think there's a lot of potential in that - in the fact that even in canon there's a lot of him not feeling like he really fits as the Ultimate Yakuza, and that he has to play a role to be so... I think it lends well to a transfem headcanon. Another I could see would be transfem Mondo, with how much in canon he plays up the masculinity, it could be something preformative in a transfem headcanon. I'm also a fan of transfem Kokichi & Shuichi, too - I've seen people headcanon the both of them as nonbinary, transfem, AND transmasc, and honestly? Love that for them, tbh.

I also am a big fan of transfem Makoto!!! I usually headcanon him as genderfluid, but I could also see him be a trans demigirl, tbh. I respect transmasc headcanons too even if I don't usually ascribe to them for Makoto specifically! I kind of like to think that the fact that Makoto's door gets stuck is a very funny quirk of fate in the event of him being genderfluid/nonbinary - even his door, which is supposed to be a men's one, doesn't ascribe to a binary! & Makoto using she/they/he pronouns is so real to me.

I also love to see Kiibo exploring pronouns in fics. Like, in canon they use he/him (at least in the localization) but I like to believe they experiment with different ones for a while, just to see if they like them.

I also tend to see Hajime as nonbinary, using he/they pronouns too! That's not exactly a transfem headcanon, but yeah.

I also love the idea of nonbinary kaede as well - using she/they pronouns. Maybe in the event of transfem Shuichi or Kokichi, she helps them explore their gender at first.

I could also see Tsumugi as being genderfluid or otherwise genderqueer in some way - she defaults to she/her but she doesn't mind other pronouns, and oftentimes go with he/him when complying a male character.

This one's more controversial, but I also love the idea of nonbinary Junko with possible internalized transphobia. Like, I think the fact that she keeps making alter egos that are male (Monokuma, Shirokuma, and Kurokuma) lends well to this, but I also keep going back to that line monokuma said about being neither male nor female because there's no gender in the animal kingdom. Incredibly nonbinary thing to say. Of course, I think how Junko handles being nonbinary is somewhat dependent on what you headcanon Chihiro as - but if you headcanon Chihiro as a transwoman and Junko as transphobic towards her, it could somewhat be from internalized transphobia- like, her having the idea that "if I'm fine with being a woman even though I feel like this about it, you should be fine with your assigned sex too!" Or even the idea that she cannot fathom why someone would WANT to be a woman in the first place - like, what reason would you have to subject yourself to it if not malicious ones or weakness? Since she is so disconnected or even discontent from "womanhood". If you see Chihiro as nonbinary, Junko not understanding or even being bitter that they get to reject the binary but she doesn't could also make sense, and her putting them in the "male" box would almost be from jealousy and spite. If you headcanon Chihiro as a transmale, it becomes a) somewhat hilarious that Junko, the big bad of the series, accepts their gender and b) Chihiro could be the person who teaches her about this stuff in a pre-despair setting, and maybe even make her realize she's nonbinary. I know it's.... slightly problematic to headcanon the main villain of the series who has shown she is possibly transphobic (depending on how you see Chihiro again) as trans, but I think it's... fine if you also headcanon other characters as so and not just the villains. Plus, I'm nonbinary myself, so I think it's allowed.

Those are the ones I can remember off the top of my head! I love trans headcanons <3

There's so much good stuff here!! I can't address all of it, but a couple of my favorites:

I LOOOVE transfem Mondo, it's one of my absolute favorite transfem headcanons. The way it changes that trial from "horrifying trans panic" to "the tragedy of someone with extensive internalized transphobia meeting someone who is further along on their journey and lashing out in unrealized jealousy, ultimately destroying the version of themself they wish to be"...MWAH. The type of tragedy that can only belong to someone transitioning. The consequences of self loathing, both in harming others and harming ourselves, made manifest! But with GENDER.

I'm sure this is just part of the rest of that line, but the phrase "they canonically use he/him pronouns" is so funny. Power to K1-B0 for being incomprehensible wrt gender just in general. Love that agender kid

I am actually a big fan of transmasc Junko! (And I'll use he/him for Junko real fast to emphasize this point) I think the idea of Junko as someone who experiences a huge amount of dysphoria when he's perceived as feminine, who then goes out of his way to present himself as a champion of gyaru culture and hyper-femininity, making it so that, even if he one day receives the mental health treatment he obviously needs, he will always be associated with this incredibly female-oriented culture...that's despair. That's the type of shit you do at rock bottom. I have BEEN there my man. EDIT:

we are on the EXACT SAME PAGE anon 🤝

I actually did, genuinely, think Shuichi was a butch girl until I played the game, and was SO excited to finally see rep of my actual high school self. Wearing hats to cover dysphoria-inducing hairstyle? Emo makeup to escape the Social Makeup Norms? hangs out with kaede??? that's one of us right there

[spiritsession]

Independent DnD oc

Google Doc Spotify Pinterest

Bio and Rules under cut

Sideblog, follows back from Murderreign!

**Icon border by sibylsource

-

Name: Alasdair Greives

Age: 30

Height: 6'4"

Gender: Nonbinary (They/He) (AFAB, but please don’t have your muse know this by default)

Personality: A very animated person with a macabre sense of humor. Can be rather quick to anger and highly defensive when certain nerves are pressed. Doesn’t react well to flirting.

Class: College of Spirits Bard

Species: Dhampir/Satyr

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Strength: 8

Dexterity: 18

Constitution: 13

Intelligence: 12

Wisdom: 11

Charisma: 19

**This character has the Dark Gift from the Ravenloft expansion called Gathering Whispers

You are haunted by spiritual beings, whether the souls of the departed or entities from another plane. Their voices endlessly whisper, taunt, or cajole, sometimes rising to unearthly howls. Only you can perceive the spirits, unless you allow them to speak through you. The spirits are intangible and invisible; anyone who can see invisible creatures sees only fleeting glimpses of these spirits as they haunt you.

Spirit Whispers. You learn the Message cantrip if you don’t already know it, and require no components to cast it. When you cast the spell, the messages are delivered by one of your whispering spirits rather than you or the target’s voice. Your spellcasting ability for this spell is Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma (your choice when you gain this Dark Gift).Sudden Cacophony. When you are hit by an attack roll, you can use your reaction to channel your haunting spirits, letting their voices howl through you. If the attacker isn’t deafened, add your proficiency bonus to your AC against that attack, potentially causing it to miss. Once this trait causes an attack to miss, you can’t use the trait again until you finish a long rest.Voices from Beyond. Immediately after you make an attack roll, an ability check, or a saving throw and roll a 1 on the d20, the haunting voices grow too loud to ignore. Roll on the Voices from Beyond table to determine the effect of these voices. Once one of these effects occurs, none of these haunting voices manifest again until you finish a short or long rest.

-

This character will involve themes of child neglect, transphobia, sexual assault mentions, fantasy racism (toward dhampirs), references to mental illness in a derogatory manner (only mentioned due to backstory reasons)

The scorned child of a small forest village, their early years were plagued with heartache and emotional neglect. After disappearing into the woods under mysterious circumstances, only to return completely unharmed two weeks later… with claims of being able to speak with the dead the child was promptly outcasted by the rest of the village.

For the remainder of their youth, they were the subject of isolation, bullying and worse from local villagers young and old.

No matter how many times they pleaded with their mother for protection, help, advice, anything, all she would tell them is that ‘if they wanted it to stop then they just needed to shut up and act normal for once’.

During the years since their disappearance, they’d made no attempt to hide their newfound ‘gift’, finding the idea of being able to gain wisdom or even help those who have passed fascinating. The other villagers… clearly didn’t feel the same.

As time moved on Alasdair grew resentful of the villagers, as well as their mother. They began to cling onto their gift, doubling down and convincing themself that they’d been given this gift for a reason. They were chosen for a specific duty, to record and preserve the stories of the dead.

They left the village, and began a journey as a traveling poet, writing down the stories that spirits would tell them and turning them into poetry to share with the world.

-

▍ ❝   RULE ONE. Crossover friendly; I prefer rping with fandoms i’m familiar with, but i’m open to those i’m not as well. You’ll just have to excuse me for any mistakes since I won’t be too familiar with your muse or their world.

▍ ❝   RULE TWO. Multiverse/Multiship; All relationships will take place in different verses.

▍ ❝   RULE THREE. Do not force ship; Do not try to force your muse on mine and do not get upset if I happen to say no to your ship. Not every ship is going to work, that’s just how it is.

▍ ❝   RULE FOUR. Mun is 25+; Due to the nature of this character, I will ONLY interact with those that are also 18+.

▍ ❝   RULE FIVE. No godmodding; I control my character, you control yours. Do not have your muse auto-hit mine, or narrate anything happening to my character without discussing it with me first. It’s really quite infuriating and can leading to a lot of things happening to my character that my character should have reasonably been able to get out of or would be generally ooc.

▍ ❝   RULE SIX. I am generally pretty quick with replies. I usually respond within 3 days, a week at most. If I take longer then that it means i’m probably busy with other blogs and haven’t checked in. Feel free to send in message if i’ve gone a week without replying and you see me still being active. I might have missed your reply or ask somehow.

▍ ❝   RULE SEVEN. Triggers; Due to the nature of Alasdair's backstory there will be prominent themes of Death, Ghosts, Violence, mentions of SA, PTSD, Mentions of Transphobia, Suicidal Ideology, and more.

[i-may-be-paranoid]

had a breakdown over putting on clean bedsheets which turned into a breakdown about being invisibly disabled which turned into a breakdown about the various small seemingly-normal-at-the-time ways my mother fucked me up and inadvertently taught me that 1) I was responsible for her emotional reactions to me even as a kid so it was on me to keep her from yelling at me and 2) the only way to avoid pain/conflict was to never be vulnerable or talk about things that actually mattered to me

some examples:

when she noticed I particularly liked a food she would remove it from the pantry and lock it in her closet so she could dole it out as a reward for doing what she wanted. I caught on to this and stopped talking about my favorite snacks or eating too many of them in front of my parents. this worked too well and they stopped buying more because they thought I didn't like them anymore. I should mention this is about several different foods over a long period of time

any time I asked for something I wanted, she said "yes - if you're good." this would, of course, be her answer forever no matter how "good" I was, until I finally realized that it was just a carrot on a stick and "yes, if you're good" just meant "no" and resolved to get what I wanted on my own (or as my parents liked to put it, "behind our backs"). I had minor success in getting her to quantify "being good" into a concrete set of requirements, but even still, I once asked her point-blank if "if you're good" just meant "when I feel like it," and she said yes. she has some pretty mask-off moments when she's angry. I still hate the word "incentive"

this one's pretty much just a Thing Parents Do, but it's worth mentioning - whenever we fought, she always went straight to taking away my phone (or at least remotely disabling my internet connection and all the apps except for the factory defaults on it). y'know, my sole connection to my friends and the world outside my house. as a young trans guy living with transphobic parents, this was particularly distressing

speaking of my phone, the same parental controls vpn they'd installed on it to do the above also allowed them to see every search term, every website I visited, in real time. and, of course, they could block websites (or, if I had broken their trust recently, block everything that wasn't explicitly whitelisted). goodbye, trevorspace. goodbye, google plus. they could see my texts, too. sometimes my mom would randomly take my phone and when I got it back a couple of contacts would be mysteriously missing (two that spring to mind are my sole irl trans friend at the time, who my parents thought had somehow retroactively transed my gender even though we really only became closer friends when we came out to each other, and the trans lifeline. yeah the suicide hotline). actually, that's how my parents found out I was trans! they caught me taking selfies, something I never did (therefore making it suspicious behavior), and went through my photos and found a ton of trans pride graphics. I had felt confident for once because I was binding with two boho bandeaus, packing with a sock, and hiding most of my hair in a beanie. I was going to come out to them the next week, on my thirteenth birthday. probably would've just ruined my birthday in hindsight

I could rant about my parents' transphobia for days, but I'd rather not. I've done that before and I'm too tired to do it again. this post is mainly just a way of documenting abusive behaviors for next time I tell myself it "wasn't that bad". anyway my mom would regularly rifle through my physical belongings too. I learned not to hide important things in my room

and speaking of my room she would sometimes remove my bedroom and/or bathroom doors for taking too long in the shower and stuff like that. and I had to earn it back by - you guessed it - Being Good™

oh also I should probably mention those times she screamed "you have no privacy" or (at a slightly later date) "we own you" in my face over and over again even when I started crying and begging her to stop. for the crime of complaining that I felt like my privacy was being violated. after a week or so, I felt like I'd cooled down enough to tell her that when she'd yelled "you have no privacy" at me, I felt really hurt. because that's what I was supposed to do, right? that's the diplomatical format they'd told me to voice my complaints in. this led to a second "you have no privacy" incident, same as the first. after one of these incidents, dad was there to mediate, which meant that instead of another screaming match there was a pointless semantic argument over whether she was really yelling "in my face" and exactly what the distance between her and the edge of my bed had been. at least there were no tape measures involved though lol

this brings me to the whole blaming-fights-on-me thing. most fights sprung from either a disagreement between my mother and I about something important (such as my own identity or what I thought was fair) or my struggles to do things my peers could do just fine due to my adhd. I was so bad at getting ready for things on time. even now, on medication, I struggle with daily hygiene. this was very frustrating for my mother, and she often ended up yelling at me. she could say some very unkind things "in the heat of the moment", as she would say. if I yelled back, I was punished. when I tried to express how deeply her words hurt me in an attempt to repair our relationship and get closure and reassurance… she took it personally and the fight started all over again. and I was punished again. this would sometimes result in a chain of related fights over a period of weeks. eventually, my parents told me that if I didn't want to start a fight, I should structure my complaints like so: "when you did x, I felt y." such language would avoid making anyone feel accused or defensive, they said. it made no difference. I used the correct format, shit went down anyway, I was told I should've used the correct format if I didn't want to start a fight, and so on

my therapist at the time (girl I miss u also sorry my mom fired you for trying to convince her to accept my transness) suggested that, when my mother raised her voice at me, I should remain outwardly emotionless and resist the urge to talk back to her or raise my own voice, and see what happens. I tried it once and she called me "a psychopath and a sociopath" for not yelling back. can't win

things really only calmed down because I concluded that asserting myself wasn't worth it. it was safer to go back into the closet and keep my head down for four more years until I was legally my very own person. my mom once said she knew me better than I knew myself. I could only laugh. it's not that I gave up completely, though - I just stopped openly rebelling. I figured out (limited, but lifesaving) ways around the parental controls. I visited trevorspace on my laggy old ipod that wouldn't stay logged in to let my friends there know that I was alive, but wouldn't be able to talk to them anymore. I stole it back a couple times when my mom found and confiscated it. there eventually came a point where her reaction to its suddenly disappearing from her drawer outweighed having it back, but by then the parental controls had become so buggy that I could almost have a normal internet experience. after I turned 18, I finally convinced my parents to allow me to remove it for good (I'd long since figured out that it had a digital tamper alarm). I'm still dependent on them, but I don't have to be secretive anymore, which feels weird. sometimes I boast to them about the extent of the freedom I'd carved out "behind their backs" just for some spiteful pleasure. I think they already knew about most of my exploits with the vpn, they just couldn't do much about it. but I don't tell them everything - I don't want them spying on my online accounts again, and I want to still have a few tricks up my sleeve if things somehow get bad again. they still make me apologize, but it's not like the aftermath of a fight. wow I'm getting off topic

alright so there's also how my mom dealt with my self-harm addiction: not well. she made me promise to stop, and when she discovered that I didn't, she got pissed. she kept telling me how I'd promised her, how betrayed she felt, how could I do this to her… and I was the one who was bleeding. I just felt worse so I (this is becoming repetitive) got better at hiding. funny thing is, almost every time I cut was to calm down after she yelled at me!

another victim-blaming anecdote - one time in 2018-19, I was drying off after a long shower. this consisted of wrapping myself in a towel and sitting on the toilet lid to zone out for half an hour. I had nothing to do that night except climb into bed. what I did not know was that mom was waiting impatiently for me to come out so she could give me my nightly meds. she became more and more frustrated, and ended up berating me through the door. the quote that stuck with me was "even a 2-year-old could get this done faster," which, when I type it out, actually doesn't sound all that scathing. dad came in soon after that. I tried to make them aware of how hurt she had made me feel, I even used the special Fight-Preventing Format, but I was completely ignored in favor of calls to come out of the bathroom and the occasional phone-confiscation threat. I repeated myself a few times, and eventually, she told me that if I didn't want to be insulted, I should've finished drying off sooner. dad was here for all of this and agreed with her. this helped me to realize how complicit the "mediator" was in all this shit. at some point I started crying, and I'd made it clear that I wasn't going to come out while they were out there - which prompted my mother to stage whisper to my father (so loudly I could hear it through the door) her catchphrase at the time: "she's just being manipulative." this did not make me feel any more cooperative

I can't believe I forgot to mention the gaslighting! every time I tried to bring up a time she'd said something that hurt me - even a day later! - she'd act all shocked and say she couldn't imagine ever saying something like that and act like just because she didn't remember it must not have been real. this eventually led me to believe that I was subconsciously making up reasons to hate her, because there were no real reasons to hate her, and I wanted to hate her in the first place because I was actually evil and she was perfect and good. needless to say, this bred a lot of self-loathing. and then an Incident would happen and I would be lucid for like a day and then slip right back into the cognitive dissonance. this happened for about a year when I was 14. I only found out the truth because I found a transcript of one of those fights from directly after it had happened in a google hangouts conversation (with the aforementioned trans friend) that my mom thought I'd deleted but I'd really just archived it. I had also tried to record our fights in the past, but the vpn that took away apps and internet also took the camera function with it. it was practically an abuser's toolkit. anyway this made me feel worse because if she could convince me that I was lying, she could convince anyone, so no one would ever believe me if I told them. instead of having a healthy, balanced worldview about it or something, I just flipped the old one on its head - she was the manipulator trying to control my life and mold me into the child she wanted, and I was the victim struggling to fight back. I'm glad I grew out of that. being so openly full of ire for her just made me look like a brat, and it was no way to live anyhow. I understand now that she genuinely loves me - and that it's exactly that love and worry for me that drove her to do things that hurt me. she thought she was doing what was best for me. unfortunately she didn't think to listen to my opinion or like see me as a full individual separate from herself

ftr her memory is genuinely kinda shitty because of her own adhd but it was awfully consistent in forgetting all the times she's emotionally scarred me. man this post was gonna be a lot shorter but then I started Remembering more Things. there's still more I've thought of but then forgotten while writing something else tho

hold on now I remember. last year she straight-up told me that all this time when I had said I didn't understand something that was "so simple, everyone understands it" she thought I was lying for the express purpose of pissing her off. this… explains a lot

overall I feel like she had an idea of what I should be like and she feels personally slighted whenever I remind her that I'm not the child she wanted

there's more but it's almost 3am and I am so tired I am barely able to type. do you love the color of the vent post

[dontbethatguy20]

*Requests Are Open*

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FANDOMS

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Dead by Daylight (killers and survivors)

Call of duty

Slasher movies (scream, Halloween, ect.)

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

╭──────༺♡༻──────╮

RULES

╰──────༺♡༻──────╯

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

No necrophelia

I'll allow kinks bit not ones that have to do with pee, scat, or throw up, but blood is allowed. But things like knife, masks, or even BDSM are allowed

Smut is allowed

Please be 18 or over to interact with my page.

If you don't specify gender ill do gender neutral by default.

Please be specific and give as much detail when it comes to match-ups if match-ups are open

No homophobia or transphobia on my page.

When you make a request for a licensed killer, please specify if you want the one from DBD or from their respective universe.

[caffeineandsociety]

The thing that gets me about the whole gendered terms discussion is-

I am a firm believer in the idea that any word can be used in a gender-neutral way. I am one of the people who fully does not care what gendered terms someone uses on me as long as it's not being done as a means of talking down to me or some shit. I live in California, so almost 90% of nouns and a good number of interjections can be replaced with "dude" by default. I don't mind being the subject of "bro"-romanticism OR the entity invoked with "girl help".

But if someone asks me not to use terms that are associated with a gender that is not theirs, I'm...going to respect that, no questions asked, and it's fucking baffling to me that people will insist they're totally not transphobic while refusing to do that, because-

What do you do when your cis male coworker doesn't want to be called "dude?" When your cis female classmate doesn't want to be called "sis"? When your friend doesn't like the nickname you came up with for them? What do you do when a cis friend isn't comfortable with terms that are sometimes gendered, sometimes gender-neutral, specifically because their sometimes-gender doesn't match?

It's not inherently a fucking gender thing, it's a matter of not calling people things they don't like to be called, which is a completely neutral matter of common decency! You shouldn't do that to ANYONE!

Why is "but I mean it as a gender-neutral thing" a defense for INSISTING it's your divine right to call a trans woman "dude" or "bro" or "buddy"? Why is it, less frequently but at a very much non-zero rate, an excuse for INSISTING you should be allowed to call trans men "girl" or "sis" or "princess"? Why is it that with cis people* you will gladly respect what they do or do not want to be called for any reason including absolutely none, but trans people just have to "get over themselves" and accept that it's totally a gender neutral thing and you WILL keep calling them whatever you want?

How can you hold that double standard if not just straight up fucking transphobia?

*Not to say that ALL cis people are respected this way - if I had a dollar for every time a Black cis male friend or family member has complained about some white asshole in a position of authority INSISTING on calling him "buddy" no matter how much he asks them to stop as a way of modernizing the use of "boy" as a racist slur, I would be able to buy us a McMansion to live in as a group - but that only strengthens the point: the only reason not to respect what someone does or does not want to be called is because you think they're beneath you for some reason. It's a way of flexing power. It is a very explicit display of disrespect.

So stop fucking doing it and just call people what they want to be fucking called, fucking hell were you raised in a fucking barn????

[wickdcreatures]

@ohfiendangelical sent me THIS post: Character development questions for trans and gender diverse muses, specifically to answer questions for Salem. I originally thought about reblogging and having yall ask me the questions but i decided i would just answer them all in one go because i think these questions would be really fun to understand about him SO!!! HERE GOES NOTHING

TW: gender dysphoria and transphobia

How does your muse describe their own identity? Do they use a different label or describe themselves differently depending on who's asking?

He doesn’t much like the labels — trans man feels too limiting, nonbinary masc presenting is probably the closest but still doesn’t quite hit the mark. He isn’t super well versed into other form of gender on the spectrum so he hasn’t looked into anything else — so for the most part he defaults to trans male, which he doesn’t proclaim from the mountaintops nor does he keep a secret. He will tell those who ask him with no shame, but he’s also not about to start a conversation with it (unless in an appropriate situation ie a queer centric meetup or something like that)

How does your muse most enjoy dressing, when they feel at ease to present however they like? Is this different to how they present most of the time?

He just likes dressing alternative. Probably best described as goth punk. And punks wear whatever the fuck they want, so for the most part he feels comfortable in almost everything these days — the most comfortable thing for him to wear is a larged oversized hoody and maybe a nice pair of nineties straight leg jeans — bagger clothes always feel safer.

How does your muse handle feeling dysphoric or insecure in their appearance?

When that dysphoria be hitting he will have a good, long cry about it. He isnt so insecure that he will try to cover the mirrors in his house but he certainly wont be looking in them. How he tries to get OUT of that dysphoric slump is to emulate those he thinks are “peak masculinity” in his eyes. His favorite actors and musicians, or friends he knows that fit the bill of his perfect, idealized version of masculinity.

Did your muse's orientation or way of feeling attracted to others shift with their gender identity?

Absolutely not. Hes very comfortable with the fact he is so into just about everyone LMAO 

What was the moment your muse first realized (or began to realize) their gender roles didn't match up with who they were or wanted to be?

It was slow and gradual for him. He lived a very sheltered childhood, only allowed to spend time with very specific people that his dad deemed “worthy” and he wasnt allowed much in the way of internet access so he wasnt able to stumble upon the labels of it until he was in high school and thoroughly embroiled in his “tomboy” era. 

Is there someone your muse considers a "gender icon" or aspires to be like?

@skullfck and @ohfiendangelical both actually. Salem thinks that if you mix those two together (NOT PERSONALITY ABSOLUTELY NOT PERSONALITY THIS IS ALL LOOKS AND VIBES) that would make the perfect man. Absolute gender god. He wishes to achieve that some day LMAO

What does your muse's ideal example of their gender look like? Eg. "the ideal man" and so on.

Strong, brave, willing to embrace femininity (as that is a very important part of the human experience to him since he was so embroiled in it and also for religious reasons), if we are also talking PHYSICAL then like. Prominent adams apple. BOY HANDS????? This is a long and very complicated question and i might get back to this on another post sometime but for the most part he thinks he has reached his ideal in many ways, but of course there is always room for improvement

Have the people in your muse's life been more of a support or a hindrance in them exploring or coming out and/or learning about themselves?

Save for his brother, his family wasnt understanding, they were anti-med in general so he wasnt able to begin his medical transition until after he left home and moved up to san francisco. NOW, however, he is very lucky to be around people who love and encourage him <3 

Talk about a key moment in your muse's journey towards becoming their more ideal self.

Changing his name was really hard for him because his mom was the one that gave it to him, and he had just freshly lost her around the time he decided to go through with it. Not only did changing his name really feel like a turning point where he was fully embracing the fact that he is trans and that this is who he is, but it was also a way to distance himself from his family. 

Is your muse confident in their identity? Still questioning? Is there anything that ever makes them feel doubtful about themselves?

His confident that he is masculine, but he thinks his very personal definition of “man” might very strongly differ from those who identify as a man themselves. But at the end of the day, he thinks thats just the nature of gender. Hes comfortable in that.

Does your muse consider themselves out and proud, or would they rather live their life quietly and unnoticed?

OUT AND PROUD BABY he wears his scars visibly a lot, like you can see them through mesh shirts or popping out of the bottom of a crop top or something, and like i said before he has no problem telling people. 

What very personalized piece of advice would your muse give, either to their younger self or to someone else just beginning to explore who they are?

if youre questioning your gender identity in any way, chances are you arent as cis as you think. and thats okay! down with cis!(jokingly) lmao

Is there a seemingly gender-unrelated thing that gives your muse a feeling of gender euphoria? (Eg. an activity outside of the usual societally gender-coded ones that they associate with their gender for some certain reason, an article of clothing that isn't specifically gendered but feels flattering or validating in some way, etcetera.)

Shirts like these, and having a SHIT ton of tattoos. Thats so gender to him

Did your muse experience a grieving process at the beginning of realizing their identity, or was the revelation wholly positive and affirming for them?

GOD YEAH. his dad very much made it seem like transness was inherently unnatural or just very rare — for the majority of his high school days he was told that it was just a phase, and for a while he really hoped that it was because he had a very hard time dealing with the disrespect and blatant misgendering from his family members. “If i were a girl like they tell me i’m supposed to be, this would all be easier and they wouldn’t be so disappointed” sorta thinking. Sometimes he still catches himself grieving, but for entirely different reasons now. Mostly because he feels robbed of a childhood as a boy, but then he remembers that as a child he was his most authentic self, really. Gender didnt matter then. He was him and thats what matters.

Did your muse feel like they had to "learn" how to perform their gender, or did they slip into the role naturally? Did they change much about their mannerisms or how they interact with the world, at all?

He tried for a bit to play the hyper masculine role when he first discovered his transness, most specifically to appeal to his families very dated and limited views on masculinity — but once he left and starts spending more time with flamboyant gay men and queer masc leaning individuals, he quickly fell back into what he was before. A healthy dose of masculine and feminine both, but the way he sees it — he’s just him.

[irishk0rn]

Family is more than beliefs

Never abandon or ostracize your family, no matter how much you yourself were from your own.

Hello, everyone! Just a quick fic I got an idea for while writing. I want there to be a fix it with Turalyon and I decided to give him a bit more dynamic for who he is.

I will post about his headcanoned story later! For now, happy reading!

Context: Arator is a trans man

Content warnings: transphobia, homophobia, internalized trans and homophobia

   “You cannot continue to treat your son this way.”

   Turalyon chose not to acknowledge his old friend, Khadgar. His mind was too occupied by his own, clouded thoughts and judgment. It was ironic, for a paladin such as himself.

   The mage frowned. “Turalyon.”

   The paladin slammed his papers, which had been occupying his hand, down on the desk in front of him. “What?”

   Khadgar didn’t flinch. “Are you listening to me?”

   Turalyon pinched the bridge of his nose and inhaled through it. “Look, Khadgar, I’m not as concerned with Arator right now. We have demons to fight,”

   Khadgar gave him a look and crossed his arms. “I would think your son or partner is the most important.”

   Turalyon stood up. “What do you want from me?”

   “I want you to treat Arator how he is. Your son.”

   “My son, who was my daughter.”

   The mage grimaced. “And that is a thought you should never allow him to hear. Just talk to him, at least. It’s…” Khadgar took a deep breath. “It’s eating away at him, thinking you could hold any contempt for him.”

   Turalyon sighed. “Fine.”

   “Good.”

   But Turalyon didn’t. He got distracted, he told himself, but really, he didn’t want to see Arator. It brought him so much anger — but why? Arator was… happy, as far as everyone else was concerned. Not even Alleria had taken Turalyon’s side.

   The next day, Khadgar came to Turalyon’s office in the Vindicaar again. He looked frustrated, a look that was not often exhibited on the mage.

   He crossed his arms. “You didn’t go talk to him,”

   Turalyon didn’t look at him. “I got… distracted.”

   “Don’t lie. It will piss me off more than I already am and I don’t believe you want to see that.”

   The paladin stood up, a glare hanging on his face. Khadgar glared back with the same viciousness.

   “Why do you care so much, Khadgar? Arator made that choice. I do not have to like it.”

   I’m disgusted by it.

   Khadgar tensed, like he could read his mind. Could he? Turalyon wasn’t very in tune with the powers of mages.

   “And me, Turalyon?” Khadgar moved forward, placing a hand on the desk and rounding the corner of it.

   “Do I disgust you?”

   Right. Khadgar is this way, too.

   “Well, I— I didn’t know you, then. I only knew you as Khadgar.”

   Khadgar frowned. That was beginning to be his default expression with Turalyon. He didn’t like that. “Why does it matter?”

   Turalyon stammered, his words dry.

   “Arator reminds me a lot of myself. Only I didn’t have parents to support me. Be what I didn’t have, what a lot of us didn’t have. Alleria already is.”

   “I will… think on it.”

   Khadgar groaned. “You are impossible. Why?” Khadgar pressed, moving closer. “Why, Turalyon? Why?”

   “What do you… mean?”

   “You know what I mean. Is it the Light? Is it because it goes against the Naaru?”

   The paladin looked down, silent. Angry tears pricked his eyes, and for the first time, Turalyon’s body found what a tremble felt like. He slipped back down into his chair, his hands on either side of his temples, and remained quiet.

   Khadgar’s expression softened. “What happened to you?”

   Turalyon let the tears fall. He remained unresponsive to his friend, even as the mage approached.

   Khadgar frowned at him. Not with anger, but pity. “Turalyon?”

   “I’m so lost, Khadgar,” muttered the paladin, before he took several moments to breathe. The lumps in his throat clawed their way through his neck and sat.

   “So, so lost…”

   The mage pulled Turalyon into an embrace, a tight one. The archbishop let out a choked sob into his shoulder.

   “It’s okay, who you are. It’s okay,”

   Turalyon looked up.

   “Do you fancy men? That’s great. Both? Great, too. Not wanting to be one? Fantastic. It’s all okay,

   “But don’t make Arator feel like it isn’t.”

   Turalyon nodded and closed his eyes, pulling back from Khadgar. He wiped his face. “I’m going to speak to him.”

��  Khadgar smiled at him. “That’s the spirit.”

   Turalyon got up.

   //

   A few minutes later, Turalyon was in more comfortable clothes, with a tunic, trousers and boots, and light chainmail over the tunic. He sought out Arator on the Vindicaar, as it was later in the evening when he did.

   He heard talking, one of the voices he had come to know as Arator’s. The other was undoubtedly his aunt, Vareesa.

   He paused outside where they were for a few moments.

   “Maybe I should conform, Vari. Maybe I should just be his daughter…”

   Turalyon frowned.

   He could hear the sadness in Vareesa’s voice. “No, Arator. You be who you are and you don’t let your father get in the way of that,”

   Turalyon chose this moment to walk in, as Arator explained to his aunt that he, quote, only wanted his father’s approval.

   The exarch took a deep breath and strode over to his in-law and son. “Arator!”

   Arator jumped up. “Father! I, er, I wasn’t… expecting you.”

   Turalyon couldn’t speak, he just pulled his son into a tight hug and closed his eyes. Arator let out a noise of surprise, not hugging back immediately. He seemed confused about the situation.

   “I’m so, so sorry, my son,” Turalyon said, pulling back a bit to look down at Arator. “I’ve been terrible.”

   “Father, you haven’t, I understand, I… get that treatment a lot.”

   “No— no! That does not make it okay, especially not from me… as your father, it is my job to be there for my child.

“I wasn’t there when you were young, and going through these things, and I can’t say I understand very well— but, I will be your father now. I’m sorry.”

   The half elf smiled weakly as a tear stung his eye and made its way down his cheek. And another. And another.

   “It is better late than never…”

   Turalyon hugged his son again. “I wish I was never late.”

   //

   It wouldn’t undo the past, but it would shape the future. Arator felt confident, as a man, and he learned to be his own kind of man, even separate from Turalyon.

   Alleria and Turalyon parted ways romantically, but continued to be partners and parents to their beloved son. Alleria began a relationship with a woman named Calia Menethil, who was a wonderful stepmother to Arator.

   Turalyon began his first relationship with a man, a draenei.

   The issues on Argus were far from over, but they were dealt with united and strong, rather than apart and broken.

   The end.

[rad-claid-plaid]

when I was a teenager, my school had an orchestra that was the most prestigious of the music programs there. You had to get auditioned and placed, whereas the other programs were opt-in. along with that orchestra, we had uniforms. Weird, low cut but floor length black dresses for the women, and tuxes for the men.

My girlfriend when I was 16/17 was trans identified, and a fantastic musician. When I asked why she didn't join the ensemble, there was one answer: the uniforms. She wouldn't join because she'd have to wear a dress. This was before being trans was a cool in-group where everyone had to bend to your will or face repercussions.

She wasn't "out" to anyone in that school as trans, except to a handful of close friends. I don't think there were any procedures in place for that sort of thing, so it was likely just up to whether tolerant teachers would play along or not. After a lengthy discussion with the directors, it was clear: if you're a woman, you MUST wear the dress. You have to. You cannot wear a tux. My friends and I commiserated with her, crying out transphobia.

Looking back, that's not the case. It's sexism. It's that the girls had to wear uncomfortable, itchy dresses, tripping over the long skirt, but with our entire top of our chests bare. I always felt it a shame that nobody was allowed to wear the uniform they wanted, or even more ideally, the sexist dresses removed and everyone wears tuxes.

Looking back, I realize that regardless of my ex's dysphoria, the fact that anyone who was a woman being forced into the secondary, non default, non neutral uniform instead of a tux that could fit everyone was hurting all of the girls at the school. We've seen stories of the girls who aren't allowed to wear pants under their graduation gowns or women who are mandated to wear heels to work. It's deeply misogynistic to force any and every woman into these roles, especially with no allowance to wear the more comfortable option. For every GNC woman, for every woman who doesn't want to wear a dress, for every woman who finds that dress uncomfortable, or for any reason at all.