#and depression and anxiety i'm not pulling that out of my ass

[darewitchstr]

I know it is bad and I've been keeping this deep in my soul but i've got to say it somewhere

please do not take this as gospel, but everything about yoongi screams autism to me, more specifically that special combo when you got both ADHD and autism.

The masking, the stimming with the mouth, the hyperfixations (music, whisky, random games), the directness, avoiding eye contact at all costs, the social anxiety and depression....

This might be projecting hard but I HAD TO SAY IT SOMEWHERE

I'll never say that shit on twitter tho, I trust no bitches there

[fereldanwench]

I didn't want to completely sit out a year-in-review, but for reasons I'll explain at the end of this post and under a cut, doing the traditional pick-one-pic-from-each-month approach just wasn't going to work for me. So instead, here are 20 of my favorite shots (in no particular order) of Valerie from 2023!

(I'll share solo Goro shots and shippy/story shots in two other posts before the year ends.)

Some thoughts about this year (cw for anxiety and depression mentions):

So yeah. I actually hadn't planned on joining in on the virtual photography year-in-review fun in part because... Well, frankly, I wasn't sure if it would actually be fun for me.

Although I do have pictures for every month, the first third, maybe even half, of the year was a struggle on almost every conceivable level. A lot of it was shit that carried over from the end of 2022, which was also an incredibly difficult year for me. I don't really want to delve too deeply into why--Some of it was personal, some of it was professional, some of it was fandom, and if you know, you know.

The main obstacle I had here is that looking at a lot of the shots I took from about January to May (give or take a few weeks on either end) honestly reminded me of Bad Times™️. I've worked really hard to pull myself out of that depression/anxiety cycle and return to a healthier approach to fandom and online socialization in general, but I just didn't want to spend a lot of time in that mental space. There are a few shots from those months that made it to my favorites, and I hope one day I can look back on that stuff and just feel the good from it again. Alas, that day is still not here.

But I am happy to report that the other reason I wanted to approach the review differently is a lot more positive! It's also two-fold: 1) I spent the earlier part of this year exploring more of a technical side of virtual photography and 2) I was really prolific the last third or so of this year so trying to narrow faves from about August until now was just not possible.

One of the few good things about the end of 2022 was being able to upgrade my graphics card, which meant I then had a rig that could support ray-tracing and hot sampling. As a result, I started putting a lot more focus on lighting and getting acquainted with new tools. I also was trying to work with the new AMM posing system, which is very convenient in some ways (100s of poses without reloading the game!) and a complete pain in the ass in others (can't move characters without their poses breaking!). Custom photomode poses + Nibbles Replacer has been the game changer I've been waiting for.

Or to put it more succinctly, December 2022 through about April 2023 felt like a relearning/return to basics kind of creative period, which is essential, but also means I just don't really like a lot of what I did, lmao.

Then, shockingly (I'm not shocked at all), starting treatment for my anxiety and depression in the second half of this year suddenly made creating a lot easier and fun again! Crazy how that works.

Even bumping this little review up to 20 shots instead of 12, there are still pictures from the past few months that I had to cut as favorites. There was just no way I could condense the amount of fave shots I took from August to now in just 5 options.

I also owe quite a bit of this revival to modders for asking me if I wanted to take shots for them--Exploring more of a fashion photography approach to my shots I think did a lot to build on what I had learned earlier in the year and encouraged me to try something new. I don't want to tag anyone in this long-ass glorified diary entry, but if you invited me to take mod shots for you, just know that it really meant a lot. ♡

And that's where my head has been with a yearly review! Is filling out a little template with 12 pictures this serious? No, it definitely is not, lmao. But hey, overthinking shit is still something I'm working on. ✌️

[angevvine]

RTC Incorrect Quotes

noel: I have one foot in the grave but in a kind of fun flirty way, the way one might slip on a fishnet stocking.

ocean: Hey, misha, do you have feelings for me?

misha: Yeah, anger.

noel: Be kind. Everyone is fighting their own battles.

misha: Why would I be kind? I will be brutal and relentless and ride into battle by their side!

constance : I love murder mysteries!

jane, trying to impress them: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.

ocean: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.

misha: Mine just says "misha no."

ocean: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

ocean: I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are.

ocean: …

ocean: …

ocean: Actually it’s gonna bug me if I don’t, so—

noel: This is a bad idea.

misha: Then why are you coming along?

noel: Someone has to get your injured ass home.

noel: “ I want to grow up and be like noel!” That is called Acquiring Depression.

ocean: I feel like I have died and gone to heaven.

noel: I have that dream, too, but you go in the other direction.

constance: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

noel: I'm a knife.

misha, from across the room: He’s the little spoon!

ocean: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late.

noel: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that and then showing up again.

ocean: So, constance , do you have a crush on anyone?

constance : The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.

misha: I lost ocean.

constance : How did you LOSE ocean?!

misha: To be fair, they are very small.

misha: I wasn’t that drunk.

noel : You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important.

misha: BECAUSE YOU ARE!

constance: Unpopular opinion, not all dogs are good boys.

ricky: Blocked.

constance: Sometimes, they’re good girls!

ricky: UNBLOCKED!

constance : My stomach growled super loud in French.

constance : I would like to clarify, my stomach did not speak in French. It growled during French class.

noel: Bonjour.

ricky: Le growl.

misha: Hon hon hon, feed me a baguette.

constance, setting down a card: Ace of spades.

misha, pulling out an Uno card: +4.

ricky, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you!

ocean, trembling: What are we playing?!

ocean: What do you do when someone offers you drugs?

noel: Take them!

penny: Punch them in the neck!

constance: Say thank you!

misha: Offer them more drugs to assert dominance!

ocean: …

ocean: No.

misha: Get in loser, we're going shopping.

noel: This is a Tacobell drive thru.

noel: We need to open this locked door. ocean, give me your credit card.

ocean: Here.

noel, pocketing it: Thanks. misha, break down the door.

ricky: penny and I are no longer dating.

penny: ricky, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

constance : How do you want your coffee?

noel: Black, like my soul.

constance :

constance : noel, your soul is a latte.

noel: All in all, a 100% successful trip.

constance: But we lost ocean.

noel: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

misha: Bro-

noel: No, no, hold up, rewind.

noel: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

ocean: Might I make a suggestion you possibly won’t like?

noel: Do you make any other kind?

ocean: We’ll find another route, it’s not safe for amateur adventurers.

misha: That sounds like a challenge.

ocean: I have to stress, that is not a challenge.

misha: ...Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted!

ocean: There is no challenge!

ocean: We have fun, don’t we, constance ?

constance : I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

noel: I'm trash.

ricky: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?

noel:

noel: You smooth motherfucker.

noel: And yes it does.

misha: I’m really glad “fight me” has replaced “sue me” as the common saying because I don’t have money, but I do have fists and I am always angry.

constance : I'm trying to juggle family life and work life but I can't seem to find a balance. What do you suggest I do to keep everyone happy?

jane, deadpan: Quit your job, kill your family.

noel: If I say I love you, will you say it back?

misha: Yes.

noel: I love you.

misha: It back.

*Later*

ocean: Why is noel crying face-down on the floor?

constance : To be honest, I'm kinda pissed that I'm not asleep in bed next to the love of my life in a cottage with no obligations other than watering my vegetable garden.

Hairdresser: How would you like your hair cut?

ricky: Preferably with scissors, but a sword could be badass.

[sarafinamk]

Fallen Angel 50 Incorrect Quotes Special

The Smiling Critters Space Riders Au and the character Z belongs to @onyxonline

If you haven't checked out the Fallen Angel (Reader Insert) series, you can check out Part 1 and Part 2 here. You, the reader, will be referred to as both (Y/n) and Archangel.

Right now, I need to focus on writing my thesis paper, so I'm not sure when Part 3 will be posted. In the meantime, enjoy this crackfic as an Easter present. Some quotes will contain slight spoilers for future chapters. 😉 Enjoy.

----------

*During a training session*

Hoppy: Fight me, you nerd ass punk!

Archangel: At least TRY to sound sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Kickin: Dost thou wish to engage in a duel, my good bITCH?!

Archangel: *Facepalms* Somehow, that was worse...

----------

Bobby: Are you having another depressive episode?

Archangel: A depressive episode?

Archangel: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.

--------

Z: What's wrong with you?

Archangel: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

----------

Crafty: How’s training going?

Archangel: Terrible. I want to stab everybody there.

Crafty: Okay, just don’t get any blood on your clothes.

Bobby: ...you shouldn’t be condoning this.

Crafty: Don’t tell me how to live my life.

----------

Archangel: Yesterday, I overheard the Captain saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Hoppy replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

----------

Archangel: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!

----------

Archangel: raises eyebrows

Dogday: Put those back down!

----------

Archangel: Problem, I can't tell if this food is over-sauced or undercooked.

Kickin: Solution, just pop it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. There's at least a 50% chance that'll fix it, right?

Bubba: Result? Food has somehow become unpleasantly soggy and unpleasantly crunchy at the exact same time.

Hoppy: No better time than this to pull out my favorite word! Slunchy!

Picky: …put it away.

----------

Picky: One time I went to hand (Y/n) a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!”, so instead I blurted out “Careful it’s soup.”

----------

*Preparing for a mission*

Hoppy: Okay, who's turn is it to give the pep talk?

Catnap: It's (Y/n)'s turn.

Archangel: Don't die.

Kickin, wiping a tear away: Truly inspirational.

----------

Archangel: I can't take you seriously wearing that.

Kickin: Aw, you take me seriously at all?

Archangel: Fair point.

----------

Dogday: My level of gay has reached “sighing deeply whenever anything extremely heterosexual happens near me”.

----------

Archangel to Bubba: How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?

----------

Dogday: If I say I love you, will you say it back?

Z: Yes.

Dogday: I love you.

Z: It back.

*Later*

Archangel: Why is the Captain crying face-down on the floor?

----------

*the Space Riders at Disneyland, in the teacups*

Crafty, Bobby, Bubba, and Picky: *spinning a little and talking*

Dogday, Catnap, Kickin, and Hoppy: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

----------

Hoppy: I've done a lot of dumb stuff.

Dogday: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

Catnap: I recorded the dumb stuff.

Kickin: I joined you in the dumb stuff.

Archangel: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

----------

Archangel: This is a bad idea.

Hoppy: Then why are you coming along?

Archangel: Someone has to get your injured ass home.

----------

Archangel: I feel awful about killing you.

Z:

Archangel: Even though technically you never even died, so I don’t know what you’re bitching about.

----------

Dogday: Hoppy, don’t go picking a fight with (Y/n). Don’t forget, they’re powerful, they could make life difficult for you.

Hoppy: Wow, I wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life.

----------

Dogday: I’m so happy both angels are getting along now.

Catnap: Uh, Z and (Y/n) are not getting along.

Dogday: They’re not trying to kill each other.

Catnap: You may have a point.

----------

Archangel: The universe is cold and unfeeling. The only constant is chaos.

Picky: Was Kissy's place out of chocolate-chip pancakes again?

----------

Kickin: Yeah, I find it quite emotional. In like a cool way.

Archangel: Did you just say it makes you cry in a cool way?

----------

Archangel, proudly: I slept.

Catnap: Is that so much of a rare thing that you have to say it?

----------

Archangel: You're a lying piece of shit!

Hoppy: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Dogday: I'm leaving and I'm taking Catnap with me!

Bubba, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

----------

Poppy: It’s funny how well you and the Archangel get along. Didn’t they hate you at first?

Dogday: (Y/n) hates everybody at first. It’s their way of reaching out to people.

----------

Bobby: lifting weights

Kickin: Wow… She's so intense!

Archangel: I wonder what drives her.

Bobby, internally: Oh I am going to be SO good at giving hugs.

----------

*First two chapters of "Fallen Angel" summarized*

Archangel: I'm allergic to death.

----------

Archangel: Hoppy, I don’t think I can handle any more of your tomfuckery.

Hoppy: Oh yeah? Well I can keep going until you’re all tomfuckered out!

----------

Hoppy: (Y/n), what are you doing tomorrow?

Archangel: Having my day ruined by whatever you’re about to ask me to do.

----------

Archangel: Someone will die.

Dogday: Of fun!

----------

Something crashes

Hoppy: Shoot-

Bobby: running into the room in a panic WHAT FELL?!

Archangel: walking by the room calmly What died?

----------

Archangel: Can you be serious for five minutes?

Kickin: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

----------

Someone with a gun to Archangel's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven?

Archangel: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

----------

Catnap: I like to play this game called nap roulette. I take a nap and don’t set an alarm. Will it be 20 min or 4 hours? Nobody knows. It’s risky and I like it.

----------

Z: When did you become a hero?

Archangel: Um… the moment I saved you from getting killed.

Z: You’re the last person in the galaxy I wanted to rescue me.

Archangel: Well… sucks to be you, don’t it.

----------

Bubba: It’s just that lollipop sticks last longer than the head, even if they’re less flavorful. I’m thinking of paper sticks, because you can peel off the layers with your teeth or leave it there until they fall off naturally, but plastic sticks can be chewed on too or left sticking out like a cigarette. Paper straws can be eaten layer by layer over time though, so they have the edge.

Hoppy, bored: Can’t we just leave while he's distracted?

Archangel, genuinely interested: But what about wooden sticks?

Hoppy: I hate you.

----------

Archangel: I am convinced the Captain and Catnap share a brain cell.

Archangel: And it's not in use very often, it seems.

----------

Archangel: Why am I the bad guy?

Kickin: I don't know, why am I the pretty one? We all have our thing.

----------

Archangel: We’re having a moment, aren’t we?

Z: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.

----------

Kickin: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Picky: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Crafty: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned.

Bubba: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Bobby: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Archangel: I have emotional scars.

----------

Dogday: What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

Archangel: A stab wound.

----------

Archangel: I sense hostility.

Z: Good, because I hate you.

----------

Archangel: slams down an absolute doorstopper of a tome I checked this out weeks ago for a bit of light reading.

Hoppy: This is light?!

----------

Archangel: What’s up with the Captain? He's been laying on the floor for like….an hour now?

Bobby: He's just a little overwhelmed.

Archangel: Why?

Catnap: Z smiled at him.

----------

Literally anyone: Go to hell!

Archangel: Where do you think I come from?

----------

Hoppy: Just trust me. Have I ever put you in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation?

Archangel: All the time.

Hoppy: Then you should be used to it by now.

----------

Archangel: I’m so tired.

Bubba: Did you get to bed late?

Archangel: No.

Bubba: Did you do something strenuous?

Archangel: No.

Bubba: Then why are you tired?

Archangel: I’m alive.

Bubba: Sounds exhausting.

----------

Archangel: Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count.

----------

A cult member: Didn't you die?!

Archangel: That was weeks ago. Things change.

----------

Archangel: I’d kill someone if you asked me to.

Dogday: I’m pretty sure you’d kill someone even if I didn’t ask you to.

[neptilius]

001 ; 'love in the time of post-partum'

synopsis: the reader has pent-up stress and anxiety and takes it out on jack.

It was your first day back at your job ever since Alora was born and you were stressed out.

Jack insisted you stay home for a few more days. You knew he was only trying to make sure you were okay but it really set you off.

Postpartum depression had been kicking your ass and jack's constant nagging didn't make it better.

"Baby you really don't have to go back so early." He said, wrapping his arms around you from behind.

He kissed your neck softly and you shook out of his hold.

"Jack, I want to go back. You know I don't like to sit around and do nothing." You said sliding on your blazer.

"You know I'm just trying to help. I may not know what your going through right now but just know I'm always here for you." He said running his hands through his curls.

"Baby I'm fine." You said before giving him a kiss and walking out of your shared bedroom to wake your baby up.

"I don't know what to do steph! I know he's just trying to help but he's honestly just making things worse." You said frustratedly to your co-worker.

"I totally get you, when I had my son every little thing my husband did pissed me off." She said giggling softly at the end.

"But guess what? It's normal babe! It's just your body going through changes and he's trying to help you out." She said rubbing your back softly.

"But steph what if it doesn't get better? I feel like I'm falling out of love with him." You said tearing up out of pure guilt.

"Aww honey come here." She said pulling you into her chest.

"I feel like a bad wife and a bad mother." You said crying softly into her chest.

"It'll get better, my love I promise. You love that man and he loves you! After all the wild stories I've heard about the both of you I can guarantee you still love him. When this all blows over you'll be okay." She said, coaxing you through your tears.

"I love you so fucking much man." You said wiping your tears and giving her a proper hug.

"You look exhausted." Jack said when he saw you on the couch typing away at your computer.

"I have to get this done." You said tiredly rubbed your eyes.

"Mamas, I don't like the way your working yourself. If your tired take a break and try again tomorrow." He said sitting next to you on the couch.

You looked up at him tiredly with tears in your eyes. You hated feeling useless.

"That's easy for you to say jack. I'm not a celebrity! I don't have thousands of people ready to help me. Money doesn't just come out of my ass. I have a job to get done and your getting in the way!" Your sudden outburst surprised you.

Jack was stunned by what you said.

He knew you were going through it and he tried his best not to take it personally but there was only so much he could take.

I don't think I can do this anymore jack." You said putting legs up to your chest.

"You can't do what?" He said nervously, bouncing his leg up and down.

"Us babe." You said closing your computer and walking into your shared bedroom.

this was inspired by that on human resources episode !

[deadrayg2mf]

The Gargoyle's Captive (A Deal with a Demon #3) by Katee Robert

Honestly, like, what do I even say at this point that ya'll haven't heard from me about how much I freakin' love Katee Robert and this series. I will keep this one brief for real because if I don't it'll just be like "Oh my god, Ray, shut the fuck up we get it - this book came out three months ago you're late to the party!"

Okay, so aside from it being Katee freakin' Robert, this book is full of enemies to lovers, femdom, grief-consumed protags, and - my favorite, of course - angst. Yeah, did I see the plot twist coming from a mile away? One thousand percent. Did I care? Frick no. Okay, so we're following the same story - deal with a demon, seven years basically married to leader of demon territory, maybe a baby... But this time, it's Grace the monster hunter and Bram the Gargoyle.

Grace is another enjoyable female lead who is a headstrong take-no-shit kinda gal, probably what you would expect from someone who makes a living out of hunting monsters. She's the last of her family and she's really only here for answers because Azazel happens to be the same demon her mother, who disappeared, made a bargain with, and by golly, she is going to get those answers even if it means selling seven years of her life. Bram is traumatized, grief-stricken, lonely, and at this point has the most sad-boy, giving up on life, fuck it energy I've ever seen in a protagonist - and I am so here for it. I eat that shit up. I love the tragics - stories and characters. He's also the last of his family after his entire family was murdered by an outsider his father brought in. He doesn't actually really want to be there but the opportunity and benefits it brings are too good to pass up, especially when you're in the leadership position he is...

I loved the story clearly, and really liked how handling grief was portrayed, no two people will be able to handle it the same even when they are in the same situation. Grace dug her heels in and became even more stalwart and determined while Bram gave in to the grief of loss and resigned himself to an empty life... and even potentially having it purposely ended at the hands of a scrappy little monster hunter in the bath... They are two people coming to terms with events of the past, the shadow of their parents, and suddenly dealing with someone new who they bought at an auction/got auctioned to for the next seven years that they don't necessarily get along with. That's right, they're totally toxic for each other. Don't worry, we're always promising happy endings here :) It's fast paced, there's a lot to get through in 186 pages, but I really think it was done to the best of its ability. Do I wish this was 500 pages? Uh, YEAH, but it is what it is and what it is, is really good. I will admit... it took me a hot minute to slug through obviously. I actually feel a little bad about this review because I was kind of forcing myself to read this. I wasn't in the right headspace and so while objectively I knew I was enjoying it I was also aware that I was, like, not locked in. I am very much intending to reread it when I'm not begrudgingly reading while rotting in bed just because nothing sounds enjoyable.

With that, I swear I am not just pulling shit out of my ass with everything I've told you. I really did enjoy the book, I love the way it's written, I liked the characters, the cover art is amazing, and it's just another great addition to the Deal with a Demon series. I think I'll give it a solid.... 7.9/10 with subject to change in the future :)

Would I read again? Yes, I plan to. Once the pesky ole depression and imminent demise anxiety wear off.

Would I recommend? Of cousre, I'm always recommending Katee Robert... I'm not sure what happens on the day I don't...? Does the world end?

[meekahy]

Sad

wrote this because I'm sad and need Matt in my life.

Sitting on the edge of your bed, you stared at your feet. Tears spilling from your eyes and landing in your lap. It has been a shitty day or week, you can’t quite put everything together as your thoughts attacked your mind. Bringing a hand up to your face, you wiped at the falling tears.

The last week, work has been kicking your ass, your friends leave you on read, and your family has been dismissive. With everything happening all at once, it feels like you can’t win. Your depression and anxiety have been really bad throughout and you try to control it yourself. 

You break out of your trance and grab your phone. When you open Spotify, you play I’ll Still Have Me by Cyn. This song has helped you through, even just a little.

Closing your eyes, the soft melody played throughout the room.

“If I don't have you

At least I'll still have me

And if I don't have you

At least I'll still have me.”

As the song played, a quiet sob racked your frame. Clutching your pillow, you let the week's emotions flow through you. Near the end of the song, you quickly opened your phone to put the song on repeat so you could allow yourself to feel. 

After the song played a few times, a soft knock pulled your attention to the door as Matt slowly let himself in.

“Babe, I’ve been calling your name. What’s going on?” He worried as he sat on the side of the bed and pushed the hair from your face. Noticing the song that you tend to play when you’re sad, Matt’s face eased.

“You know you can always talk to me instead of letting yourself deal with this alone, right?” Matt asked as his hand rubbed your arm up and down.

Shutting your eyes tight to avoid letting the tears flow, you gripped his hand as you shook your head.

“I should be able to care for myself and my feelings,” you mumbled.

Matt squeezed your hand tightly and said sternly, “Oh, baby. I can’t take care of myself, I have you. You don’t need to worry about that. You have me to rely on, always. Sometimes, we can’t take care of ourselves and it’s okay to have someone help.”

You looked into his eyes and all you saw was love and honesty. Something you’ve always admired about him.

“Thank you,” you squeaked out before launching yourself into his arms.

Matt caught you with ease and held you as close as he possibly could. He buried his face in your neck and lost his hand in your hair as you tried to regulate your sobs.

“I love you so much, baby,” he whispered into your ear, pulling you tighter into his embrace.

You pulled back to look into those sweet brown eyes, “I love you more, sweets. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” you choked out as tears filled your eyes again.

“And I don’t know what else I’d do without you, honey,” Matt said before pulling you into his lap and carrying you to the couch in the living room. “Let’s watch your favorite movies, and I’ll order your favorite food for dinner, sounds good?” he announced as he plopped you on the couch.

You smiled up at him, and reached for his arm, tugging him down next to you, “Sounds perfect, Matt.” He returned your smile as he got your favorite movie ready on the TV.

[emypony]

Obligatory pigeon post!

Today we said goodbye to Corn!! She's been with me for the past 3-4 months after she was attacked by a cat (supposedly? It's not clear, and she didn't die from it? As you would expect since it's very dangerous for birds), and I took her home to care for her until her big feathers grew back. It took a while for me to realize I had to pull out the old dead feather remnants so new ones could grow in.

That said, I'm grateful for her presence in my life. I've had a very hard time when moving to the capital because of my job being physically demanding and sending me into an incredible anxiety and depression spiral because of my boss manipulating and gaslighting me and wanting me to do the job of at least 3 other people, all on minimum wage and disrespecting my free time + yelling and so many other things.

If I had to be honest, some days she was the only thing that kept me coming back home. I was in a really bad spot, and quite frankly if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have been here anymore.

Thank you for your service and companionship Corn 🫡

On your way back home! Hope you continue to live a long and prosperous life! And enjoy the extra weight you gained while I fed your ass all these months 😂

We released her today and she flew away successfully<3

[pencilofawesomeness]

What is Twisted Wonderland and how would you sell someone on it?

Ohoho. Ohohohoho. Anon. You have activated my trap card >:D

(I'm about to be soooo annoying/unhinged and I'm sorry. I'm not.)

Alright, so:

Twisted Wonderland is a Disney mobile game made in Japan and co-produced by Aniplex. (Yes, that Aniplex.) I'm not here to sell you on the game, so much as the story, but it is a sort of story-book rpg with turned based fights and rhythm games, where you build character units from a gacha pull. As far as gameplay goes, it's very simple, and most of the emphasis lies on the characters and the story. And it's wonderful.

The on-the-box description of this game doesn't do it justice, per se, but that might be because Disney has a little bit of influence on it and they suck at knowing who their target audience is. It is about a high school based on classic Disney villains—but no, not in the way you're thinking, because I once made that mistake too. It is not a villain school. Rather, the world of Twisted Wonderland is its own entity, with characters built as sort of nods or foils to classic Disney characters. The world itself is somewhat built with these films as its past, and history has become so twisted (ha) that modern society views some of these classic villains as the heroes or supporting characters of their stories, and respect them as The Great Seven. (The seven in question being the Queen of Hearts, Scar, Ursula, Jafar, the Evil/Raven Queen, Hades, and Maleficent. None of them are remembered by name, though.)

The game takes place in the modern era, a society with both technology and magic. Specifically, it takes place in a magic high school called Night Raven College, an all-boys dormitory prep school where the only requirement to get in is a magic mirror that peers into your soul and determines whether or not you can a) do magic and b) kin the Great Seven. And, of course, the player character is a regular-ass human who gets isekai'd in and gets stuck with a talking magic cat direbeast named Grim.

Now. That is the general synopsis. I, on the other hand, affectionately call this the Mental Breakdown game.

See, here's the kicker. The magic system is pretty nifty; while it's functions as a standard magic-is-magic sort of soft system, it has ✨consequences✨

Magic has this byproduct called blot. It's this icky stuff that builds up when you a) use too much magic and/or b) are emotionally distressed. But less so in a "I'm panicked right now" sort of way and more so in a "I have chronic depression and/or anxiety" sort of way. And, when a mage is powerful enough, and sad boi enough, and then goes and uses way too much magic and sad boi juice in one sitting, this amazing phenomenon occurs called "overblot"—which is pretty much a super-powered evil form that turns the mage into the darkest form of themselves and then uses magic until they die.

Naturally, this happens in the game. A lot. The formula is pretty much that each "book" of the story, there is an overblot. One for each of the seven dorms, which are based off of the seven villains/the movies they come from. (And "based on" is pretty loose. Yes you can see the similarities, but these are dumb teenage boys with their own hopes and aspirations, and, sometimes, the game completely lies to you about what character they emulate the most. The guy who's Jafar? Well yes but he's actually just a really stressed out Genie stand in. The Hades guy? Whoops that's Meg. Is that a card soldier or the White Rabbit? Doesn't matter, he's got problems.)

The characters are so well written. I could gush about them forever, and they are the driving points of this plot and it means everything to me. They are some of the most traumatized and messed up individuals, but also, they are dumb teenage boys who do dumb teenage boys things. It is all incredibly well balanced and startlingly realistic for a game that amounts to beating the emotional constipation around people. Mostly because it cannot be beat out of them. The blot can, but they have to deal with their emotions with their own two hands, with varying levels of success.

And the shenanigans!!!! Oh, the shenanigans. I call this the Emotional Trauma game but I have once laughed so hard someone heard me through the floor. It's not all doom and gloom for sure. Sometimes you're watching your friend fall apart because his toxic mother instilled debilitating perfectionism and slowly start making enemies of everyone and sometimes you're sending three of the most gremlin students plus one cinnamon roll to infiltrate a gala that a bunch of weather fairies are throwing in the greenhouse because they stole your temperature regulating magestone to be shiny jewelry and you want it to stop snowing inside your dorm room. And sometimes you can have the exact same character who experienced losing his little brother right in front of him gush about a magical girl sledding anime and all of his gacha games. It is the best of both worlds.

And, that's not all! No, no. We get amazing character interactions. Not just pre-determined friend group interactions, but also random interactions. Yana Toboso (the writer/artist) really likes to stick names in a jar sometimes and make them interact and it is the best thing ever. Every single one of these characters I hold in my hands. Every single one of them gets to have their moment to shine. You can emotionally invest in all of them and be rewarded for it.

The game itself is free and pretty easy to get into. There's not really a bad power creep so you can get through it with what you got. Of course the fun part of collecting cards is that there are stories attached to them that you can watch, and those are also sources of joy. (And it's well documented, so you can find things online pretty easily to catch up and see more.)

I just think it's neat. (Read: I accidentally became wholly obsessed with this game and its characters and they are all blorbos to me.)

You should definitely fall into this rabbit hole with me :))) It's so worth it :)))

[ilyxxnsm]

True Love 04 - TW!!

| is true love supposed to hurt like this?

warning: domestic violence, toxicity. don't judge. smut. reader's body type briefly mentioned. reader's ethnicity's not mentioned, but she's light skinned to white. mental health mentioned (medication, depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc). implied self harm (skin pinching, nail biting, scratching, hair pulling). of course physical abuse (hair pulling, slapping, pinching, punching, he breaks bones be fr, hickeys and bite marks??). drug dealer yoongi. everything against reader. reader's 17, yoongi's 23. this is fucked up, like really fucked up.

| stained my name to defend you, thinking that our thing was healthy, you, every day with a different one, and me, in ER all summer...

Things were going amazing, he came home after work with your favorite Chinese food, he fucked you so good for hours and even took you to Lotte to buy you a new phone.

But you had to ruin everything, you had to fuck it up.

He's dragging you across the pavement of the parking lot, his hand tightly gripping your hair, making your scalp burn awfully, your screams muffled in the night and emptiness of the place. He drags you by your hair, his grip tight and uncaring. "You thought I wouldn't notice your little stupid smile? Acting like a fucking whore?" He practically spits the words out at you, a mixture of anger and jealousy in his voice. He drags you further into the parking lot until you're behind his car, away from any potential witnesses, your knees scratching against the rough pavement.

You smiled at the cashier, you said "you too" when he said "goodnight". You were just being polite, and now you regret it. He managed to bring back all the times he thinks you cheated on him and accused you of having zero respect for him and your relationship.

You try to fight back, to push him away and escape his grasp, but his grip is too strong. He yanks your head back by your hair and snarls in your face. "Don't even think about it, you little slut." He drags you around a bit more, your knees and hands bleeding, and then suddenly, he stops and throws you to the ground. Fuck. You hit the pavement hard and your vision blurs slightly as you try to focus on him through the pain. He leans over you, his breath hot and heavy on your face, you wish he would kiss you instead of punch you. "Do you think I'm stupid? I know what you're doing." He grabs your chin roughly, forcing you to look at his beautiful dark eyes. "I'm sorry, baby, please..." You sob, but your cries are silenced by his fist blowing against your face, making you see stars and feel a stinging pain on your nose. He definitely broke it. "Yoongi..." You whimper, choking on your own blood as he punches you again, this time, your cheek, almost knocking you out.

He continues to punch you, his strong blows leaving your face bruised and swollen, he starts kicking you too, making you gasp for air, you can't even scream now. You try to curl up into a ball, trying to protect yourself as best as you can, but it's no use. Finally, after what feels like long torturing hours and hundreds of anger yells, he stops and grabs your hair, pulling you up to your feet, you feel a dull ache in your abdomen, and your face feels hot and wet, probably from all the blood. He sneers, "I try to be nice, I try to understand you, I do everything for you, I work my ass off for you, but you have to go and fuck it up again and again! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Spittle flies from his lips as he yells at you, eyes wild with rage. He shoves you against the car door your head hitting it with a loud thud.

You feel a surge of pain, your vision goes blurry for a second and you can taste blood on your lip. He grabs you by the collar of your shirt, lifting you off the ground and slamming you back into the car again, this time harder. He grabs your chin tightly, forcing you to look at him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please..." You sob, but your voice is muffled by a harsh slap. "I don't wanna hear you" He sneers, slamming your head against the car one last time. As he lets go of you, you drop to the floor like a rag doll, your body feels limp and unresponsive. He turns away from you and opens the car, muttering to himself. "Call the police and I'll break your fucking neck" He warns in a cold voice before getting in the car and driving away.

You lay on the floor, your body aching from the impact of being thrown around. Your vision is slowly starting to come back into focus, you can see the blood dripping down your chin and you can taste it in your mouth. It's bitter and makes you gag. After a few minutes, you force yourself to sit up and lean against the wall. Your head is throbbing and your vision still blurs every now and then, but you manage to pull out your phone from your pocket. Your hands shake as you try to unlock your phone and dial 911, but your vision blurs again and you drop your phone on the floor. You feel like vomiting, but you fight it off and try to focus.

Finally, you manage to dial 911 and your voice is hoarse as you speak into the phone, "I need help. My..." You stop yourself, you can't say his name, you can't say he did this to you or he'll go to jail, you don't want him to get in trouble, you love him. "Someone attacked me..." The 911 operator is asking you for details, where you are, and you're struggling to remember it. Your head is spinning and you begin to feel faint again. You give them what information you can before you feel your hands faltering and your phone falls to the ground. You slump back against the wall, waiting for the ambulance to arrive, for all of this to be over.

You don't know how, but tou find yourself in the hospital after God knows how many minutes, or maybe hours. You just know that you went through a surgery cause you see the IV in your hand and no longer feel the intense pain all over your body. You're lying in the hospital bed, a white sheet covering your broken, battered body, giving you some warmth in the cold room. You want to cry, you want to hug him and apologize to him for being a bad girlfriend. You don't blame him for what he did cause you would be mad if he smiled to another girl, but you would never hurt him like he hurt you. Nurses come in and out, checking on you, but all you can think about is him. The man who claimed to love you and put you here.

The doctor said you have two broken ribs, your right wrist is dislocated, your nose was snapped in a half, you had a contusion and your whole face and body is bruised. You feel like shit. You don't even know how you're alive right now.

You open your eyes groggily the next morning, the sterile smell of the hospital filling your nostrils. Your head feels fuzzy and disoriented, and it takes a moment for you to remember where you are. As you look around the room, you see that you're alone, the only sound in the room is the faint hum of machines and the beeping of a heart monitor, it's such a familiar sound for you now. You try to sit up in your bed, but a sharp pain in your ribs causes you to wince and grimace. "Fuck" You mutter, wincing again as you lay back down. You turn your head when you hear the door opening, a nurse you've seen before walks in.

"Good morning, how are you feeling?" She asks, checking the monitors and making some notes in your chart. You let out a soft sigh, your body aching all over. "Like crap" You croak out, your voice hoarse from lack of use. She nods sympathetically. "I can imagine. You've been through quite the ordeal." She checks your bandages and monitors, taking notes as she goes. "The doctor will be coming around soon to give you an update on your condition. But right now, do you need anything? Pain medication? Water?" She asked, looking at you with a look of sympathy. You nod, your throat dry and scratchy. "Water... and something for the pain would be nice." You croak out, the pain in your ribs throbbing with every breath you take.

The nurse nods and walks over to the water pitcher on the bedside table, filling a glass with water and handing it to you. She then prepares a syringe with pain medication and injects it into your IV. "This should help with the pain a little. Hang in there, lovey." She says, patting your hand gently before leaving the room. You take a sip of water, the cool liquid soothing your parched throat. Just as the pain is going away, you see the door opening, and a man walks in, he's a cop. He scans your bruised face and bandaged body, his expression neutral but his gaze assessing. "Good day" He says, his voice professional but gentle. "I'm officer Yang. I heard you're up." He walks over to your bedside, pulling out a small notebook and pen from his pocket. "I have a few questions to ask you about what happened. Do you think you're up for answering?" He asks, looking at you intently. Your face goes even more pale, if that's even possible, and you freeze for a few seconds, your mind starts racing, making up a story that leaves Yoongi out of the problem.

You take a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart. "Yeah, I... I guess so." You say, your voice hoarse. Officer Yang nods, sitting down in a chair next to your bed. "Alright, I'll try to make this as quick as possible." He says. "Can you tell me what happened?" he asks, his pen poised over the paper. You hesitate for a moment, trying to come up with a plausible story that doesn't involve Yoongi."Well..." You start, your mind working overtime to come up with something believable. "I was... I was mugged." You say, your voice a little hesitant. "I was walking home from work when two guys attacked me." You watch as the officer writes down your statement, his expression neutral. "Can you describe the attackers?" He asks, looking up at you. You describe two random guys who look nothing like Yoongi.

The officer nods, taking notes as you speak. "Did they take anything from you?" He asks, looking back down at his notes. "Or did they just attack you and leave?" You shake your head, trying to appear shaken. "They just attacked me and left." You say, your voice shaky. Officer Yang looks up at you, his eyes meeting yours. "And you don't know who they were?" He asks, his gaze sharp. You hesitate for a moment, your heart racing. "No..." You say, your voice barely above a whisper. "You know, the hospital called me. They're worried about you" He says, putting his notebook down. "They said... you fall down the stairs quite a lot"

You try to keep your expression neutral, but his words send a wave of dread through you. "Yes... I... I'm clumsy" You say, your voice cracking. Officer Yang raises an eyebrow, his gaze still fixed on you. "Clumsy enough to fall down the stairs repeatedly, break several bones and end up in the hospital multiple times?" he asks, his voice skeptical. You gulp, feeling like you're caught in a trap. "Well, I..." You trail off, your mind trying to come up with an excuse. "I have weak bones, a doctor said I might have osteoporosis, but I never got a diagnosis, so..." You stutter.

Officer Yang looks at you for a long moment, his expression unreadable. "Osteoporosis, huh?" He says, scribbling something in his notebook. "Quite unusual for someone your age" He adds, flipping through his notes. You feel sweat forming on your forehead, his doubts only growing. "That still doesn't explain the black eye and the bruising all over your body." He raises an eyebrow as he leans closer. "And these are not just from falling down the stairs, are they?"

Your heart rate spikes again, and you struggle to keep your breathing steady. "No, I..." You start, but he cuts you off. "Don't bullshit me, love. I can see it in your eyes. You're scared shitless, and it's not just from falling down the stairs." He says, his voice firm. "You have to tell me the truth. Who hurt you?" All possible excuses leave your mind as his words hit you. "I..." You start, but then your voice dies in your throat. You can't come up with a convincing lie, your mind is drawing a blank. "You're protecting someone." He says with a bored expresion. "Who is it? Your boyfriend?" Your breath catches in your throat, and you feel a chill run down your spine. He's getting too close to the truth, and you're terrified of what will happen if he figures it out. "N-no... it's not... it's not my boyfriend... it's... it's someone else." You stammer out, your voice shaky. Officer Yang studies your face for a moment, his expression sceptical, almost mocking. "Who is it then?" He presses, his gaze intense.

"You know that protecting him is only gonna make things worse, right?" He says, sighing and rubbing his hair. "Look, if you don't say anything, we won't be able to help you. Police is not good enough to open a whole investigation against a guy who hits his girlfriend if she's not the one filing a lawsuit against him, they just don't care, so if you stay quiet, I'll just have to leave and forget about this, and you won't get any help" He shrugs, looking down at his notes. "Believe me, if you try to sue him in the future, they'll turn you down, they'll ask you why you didn't do it earlier, and they'll just ignore your case, so your best option is to speak up now"

Your head spins as his words sink in. He's right, you know he is, but the thought of turning against Yoongi, the person you love, feels like a betrayal. Your heart is torn, stuck between your love for him and the reality of what he's doing to you. The thought of him being arrested, going to jail, it feels like a nightmare. You can't bear the thought of being responsible for that. "Leave" You mumble after a few minutes of silence, looking down at your hands, you'd never snitch on him, even if it kills you.

Officer Yang lets out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair. "I see." He says, his voice calm but his eyes betraying his annoyance. "You're protecting him. Even though he's the one who did this to you." He gestures at your injured body. "You're going to let him get away with it." You nod numbly, your eyes still fixed on your hands. He sighs again, his expression resigned. "I have to say, I'm not surprised. Most girls refuse to report their abuser." He closes his notebook and gets up from his chair. "I don't get paid enough for this shit" He mumbles to himself before leaving the room.

As the door closes behind the officer, you find yourself alone in the room again, the silence broken only by the beeping of the monitors. Your mind is a jumble of conflicting thoughts and emotions. The pain medication has numbed the physical pain, but the emotional pain is still there, raw and real. You glance at the clock on the wall, the seconds ticking by painfully slowly. You have no visitors, no one besides the doctors and nurses that come to check up on you. No sign of Yoongi.

A few days pass by, and you find yourself getting used to the hospital routine. The nurses are kind and attentive, but you find yourself longing for something else. Something, or someone. As you sit in your hospital bed, staring out the window at the overcast sky, the door to your room opens. You turn your head, expecting to see a doctor or a nurse, but instead, you see Yoongi standing there. He looks at you, his expression unreadable. There's no trace of remorse or guilt on his face, just a blank look that makes your heart ache. You don't say anything, just look at each other for a few seconds. He finally speaks, his voice low and rough. "How are you feeling?"

Your heart skips a beat as you hear his voice, but you try to keep your expression neutral. "Fine…" You say, avoiding his gaze. The tension in the room is palpable, the air thick with unspoken words. He takes a step closer to your bed, his eyes roaming over your bruised and battered body. "You look like hell" He says, his voice cold. You flinch at his words, feeling a pang of pain in your chest. "Y-yeah, I guess I do…" You mumble, looking down at your hands. He takes another step closer, his gaze shifting to your face. He reaches out and gently touches your cheek, his fingers brushing against your bruised skin. You can't help but flinch at his touch, the memories of the last time he touched you making you wince. "Does it hurt?" He asks, his voice barely above a whisper. You nod, not trusting your voice to speak. He withdraws his hand, taking a step back. "I'm sorry" He mutters, his eyes scanning your bruised face.

You look up at him, surprised by his apology. It's the first time he's ever admitted to being sorry for what he's done to you. You don't know if it's genuine or just a manipulation tactic, but your heart skips a beat. "Why did you do that to me?" You whisper, your voice shaking. He looks away, unable to meet your gaze. "I don't know…" He mutters, running a hand through his hair. "I lost control. I didn't mean to hurt you."You nod, not sure if you believe him. "You always say that" You say, your voice weak. "But it keeps happening. How long is it gonna keep happening?" He doesn't answer, his gaze fixed on the ground. The silence in the room is deafening, the only sound the steady beeping of the heart monitor. "I don't like it when you're like this..." You mumble, tears treating to fall of your eyes. You reach to hold his long fingers between your injured ones. "You scare me... I don't like to be scared of you"

He looks down at your hands, watching as your trembling fingers hold onto his. There's a flicker of something passing through his eyes, something that almost looks like remorse, but it's quickly replaced by his cold expression. He doesn't say anything, just keeps staring at your hands. Without a warning, he grabs your chin, forcing you to look up at him. "You should have just listened to me" He says, his voice cold and distant. "This wouldn't have happened if you just listened to me."

Your heart sinks as he says this, his fingers tightening around your jaw. The fear that you thought you had gotten under control starts to surface again, your body tensing up as he grips your chin roughly. "I'm sorry..." You whisper, your voice cracking. He scoffs, his grip on your chin getting even tighter. "You're sorry? You've been saying that a lot lately." He leans closer, his breath brushing against your face. "But sorry isn't enough anymore."

Your heart starts racing as he leans closer, your body frozen in fear. He stares at you intently, his gaze intense. "You're so fucking irritating." He says, his voice low and menacing. Before you can react, he pushes you back onto the bed, pinning your wrists above your head and straddling you. You try to struggle, but your body is too weak to put up a real fight. He grips your wrists tighter, his face inches away from yours. "Stop fighting me." He commands, his voice commanding and stern. Tears start to roll down your cheeks as you stare at him in fear, your body trembling under his grasp. "Please..."He grips your wrists tighter, his face inches away from yours. "Stop fighting me." He commands, his voice commanding and stern. Tears start to roll down your cheeks as you stare at him in fear, your body trembling under his grasp.

"Please..." You sob. "Stop struggling, you know you want this." He says with a smirk as he starts to grind his hips against yours, the friction setting off a spark within you. Despite everything, your body responds to him, betraying your fears and doubts. He smirks as he feels your body respond to him, his grip on your wrists loosening slightly. "See?" He says, almost victorious. He leans down, his lips brushing against yours in a tender kiss that leaves you stunned. He gets rid of your hospital robe, revealing the scar on your torso from the surgery, and your tender pussy lips that are glistening with juices, even in this situation, the smallest touch makes you wet.

He traces his fingers lightly over the scar on your torso, a look of concern crossing his face momentarily before disappearing as quickly as it came. He brings his hand down to your pussy, his fingers moving in a circular motion around your clit, you feel like floating, maybe is the pain killers. He inserts a finger inside you, feeling how tight and wet you are. He adds another finger, stretching you out slowly as he watches your reaction with hooded eyes. He continues to finger you, adding a third finger as he starts to thrust them in and out of your pussy. His thumb plays with your clit, rubbing it gently in slow circular motions.

His movements becoming more aggressive as he feels your body tense up with pleasure. He leans down, his tongue replacing his thumb as he starts to lick and suck on your clit. His fingers continue to thrust in and out of you, causing you to moan louder. You can't even remember why you're in this hospital, you're ascending to heaven. He pulls his fingers out of you, bringing them up to his mouth and sucking on them. He smirks at you, a wicked glint in his eyes as he spreads your legs apart further, exposing you to him completely. He positions himself at your entrance, teasing you by rubbing his cock along your slit. He then thrusts into you sharply, making your torso sting in pain, you can swear some of the stitches came out.

He starts to fuck you hard and fast, his hips pistoning as he slams into you repeatedly. He reaches down, grabbing your thighs and pulling them up so that they're on his shoulders. This position allows him to go deeper inside of you, and he takes full advantage of it. He starts to thrust harder and faster, his balls slapping against your ass as he fucks you mercilessly, not like it's any different the other times. You sob between moans, everything's blurry, maybe it's the pain that makes you dizzy, maybe the pleasure he's giving you.

You hate yourself, enjoying this despite the fact that he nearly killed you a few days ago, but it's not like you're gonna do anything about it.

He attacked you and you almost saw God, and now, he's fucking you and it feels exactly the same.

As just as he came, he leaves without any words, leaving you alone in your hospital bed, again, with suicidal dreams, broken heart and dreams.

[angel-of-the-moons]

Nothing Is Lost

Khonshu x Fem!Reader

TW/CW: Sleep depravation, child/parent death, drowning, grief, depression, anxiety, comfort, Khonshu being a dickhead again

A/N: Yeahhh this one hurt me a bit to write because ohhh boy I can imagine the voice of Merit's mother when she hears the news. Just awful. I'm sorry if this is another hot mess, but I'm hoping to get back into the groove! (Note; I could not think of good enough names for the boys so I'm just coming up with shit as I go, bare with my historical inaccuracies on this one!) I hope this rips your heart out the way it did mine!

Taglist: @drinkingwithkhonshu @astrosphereblog

🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑

Chapter 9:

The Book Of The Dead

The goddamn old bird really didn't understand personal space.

Like, really, really didn't.

You had already run out of fingers to count on the past week how many times you awoke in the middle of the night to him sitting in the dark, looming silently.

"Honestly, will you just tell me what the dreams are?" He'd scoffed as you wiped the heavy sweat from your face.

"Will you go away forever if I do?" You sigh, flopping back down onto your bed.

"Most likely not."

"Then no." You grunt, rolling over to pull the blankets up over your shoulders. The silence stretched once more and you could feel him staring at you.

"Do I need to start charging you rent? Like, if you're not gonna help me, just go, you ginormous pigeon." You say, glaring at him over your shoulder.

His shoulders squared. Apparently, "pigeon" was an insult that ruffled his feathers (god you shouldn't have giggled at that pun) judging by how his posture stiffened.

"Not until I unravel the mystery surrounding you." He replied tersely.

"Good luck with that. You gonna be able to do that by staring at me in the dark like some kind of creeper?" You scoff, facing the wall once more.

You felt a cold chill creep into your bones, a sharp stab of anxiety filling you once again as you close your eyes, hoping beyond hope that you would have a dreamless sleep, or by some miracle that you'd simply feel rested by closing your eyes.

It wasn't even the fact you had an ancient god inhabiting your personal bubble, anymore that freaked you out. What really scared you were those fucking nightmares.

You dreaded trying to sleep every night. You got your "feeling" more and more often now, with every pang of anxiousness that filled your body. The tingling in your hands became too much to ignore at times, and it almost hurt.

After ten minutes of sleep eluding you once more, he grunted. "I know you're faking."

"It's not faking, I'm trying to sleep." You hiss, squirming beneath your blankets.

"Oh, are you now." His voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Yes!" You say, fatigue making your temper very very short. "You're a god, don't you have better shit to do than crawl up my ass?!"

"Not currently, no."

"Fuck off."

"No." He replies bluntly. "Not until I know how you were able to summon me."

"For the last time! I don't kn--" When you rolled over to glare at him, your hand flew out; and as it did, the glass of water next to your bed flew across the room and shattered against the wall.

You sat up then, slowly, looking at the remains of glassware with wide eyes. Then, you pout at the god sitting on one of your chairs as though it were a calm summer afternoon on an old rickety porch.

"Why did you do that?" You accuse.

"I didn't." Khonshu replies, tilting his head to the side.

"But, I didn't.... I didn't touch it..." You mumble softly.

"Magic, in case your brain is too slow to catch up." Khonshu sighed boredly. "It makes sense, now. You did not see the light in your palm just now?"

Your eyes blink slowly, feeling heavy as you stare at your palms in shock. Shit... was he right? Maybe... Maybe he was... No. No, no way in hell could your life get any crazier. It just wasn't possible. He was fucking with you because he was bored.

You swing your legs out from under your blankets and wipe at your face, your eyes puffy and exhausted. "I'm too tired for this. Can you clean that up?"

His head tilted again, his arms still crossed over his broad chest. "No."

"Worth a shot." You sigh, heaving yourself onto shaky feet. If you didn't get rest soon, you felt like you were going to drop dead.

But... you couldn't leave glass for your sleepy ass to rediscover in the morning. Grabbing some paper towels, and your mini broom and dustpan, you began the task of cleaning the shattered and soaking mess. You carefully carried the dustpan full of paper towels and glass remains to your trash bin and sighed as it tumbled into the bag within.

Your head began to bob as the edges of your vision darkened; your heart began to pound in your chest and you felt like it would explode.

Your breath was squeezed out of your lungs, and as you collapsed, you were vaguely aware of something warm enveloping you before it all went black.

🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑

You were pouring over your papyrus scrolls, analyzing every single word, delicate fingers inking new hieroglyphs on the blank sheet nearby.

The breeze blew idly into your room, the sweet-spicy scent of your incense being blown back onto you as you chewed your fingernail, deep in thought.

You were studying the various tales of the gods, as well as scribes' accounts on things that occured within the temples and palace; a few scrolls here and there on the current state of Egypt's economy.

Your brain was like a parched field of crops, every drop of knowledge was drank greedily as though it were water and stored within every fiber of your being. You wanted to be a scholar, you wanted to learn new things, you wanted to know as much about the gods you worshipped as possible, maybe to, one day yourself, get close to them, to be blessed enough to hear their words with your own ears.

You sighed, setting your reed pen down near your inkwell as you rubbed your temple. You felt a stiffness in your hands and neck when you lifted your gaze to peer out your window. It was likely... two hours past midday, you had to assume, judging by how far the sun had sailed.

Your parents were meeting another noble--probably to discuss a marriage between you and a male heir they possibly had--or maybe they went to the palace to speak with the Pharaoh? You were honestly worried he would propose your hand to his heir, and make you his wife or concubine. It wouldn't be ideal, but your father's wishes were that you were cared for when he and your mother passed into the afterlife.

You merely wanted to study, to learn as much as you can, and imbibe the future generations with the knowledge you accumulated as you grew.

You stood, arching your back and cracking your neck and knuckles; your eyes flitted to your bed, and for a moment you were tempted to take a short nap, having one of the servants wake you when your parents returned. Or your little brother, he was out playing with your neighbor's sons, today. He promised that he would bring you the shiniest, prettiest fish he could; proving that if anything happened to your parents, he could take care of you, because you were his big sister, the greatest big sister ever! The childlike sentiment was heart-warming, and you couldn't help but indulge your brother, reminding him to be careful of the currents before shooing him and the other boys off for their fun in the Nile.

But that was four hours ago. And you hadn't heard from them in a while...

You sighed as you looked out the window, your arms resting on the sill while your eyes were drawn to the plucked lotus you had in a clay pot in the small space. It was wilting, it would need to be dumped, soon--

"MERIT!" A young voice called for you.

It wasn't your brother. He sounded panicked--frantic. As the young body came into view, Akenmatuu hopped up and down, his eyes wide and fearful as he looked up at you, his little brother close behind, looking just as afraid.

Ahrenkare was not with them.

You leaned out your window, feeling your skin grow cold and sweat begin to bead on your brow. "Akenmatuu, what is it? Where is--"

"Ahrenkare fell in the river! We can't find him!" He interrupted.

It wasn't more than a few seconds between him shouting those words and your stuttered breathing that you ripped off your wig and ran down to the street where the boys were.

They were shorter than you, their manhood not fully grasping their bodies just yet. And it was just so painfully obvious how young they were when you saw their smeared eyeliner from their panicked tears, Akenmatuu's younger brother openly sobbing as they tried to tell the broken tale; breaking off in a run to show you where Ahrenkare had fallen into the water.

It was high today, the rains causing the water to swell above the banks. You knew the animals that lived in the river were just as dangerous as the currents and swells...

But... But Ahrenkare knew not to go into the water if it was too deep... didn't he? Oh, no... Oh..oh you hoped he didn't try to dive into the water to catch the fish he'd declared he would bring you! If anything happened to him--

Your feet carried you as though you were blessed by Geb himself, the earth beneath you pushing up to propel you along as you frantically made your way to the river, flagging down a few of the men you passed, crying out that your brother had fallen in. A few of the servants carrying out their daily chores even dropped their baskets to come aid you.

The moment your sandals squished in the mud, your dress being torn by shrubbery and reeds as you rushed towards the water's edge, screaming for your brother--hoping that you would see him rise to the surface, scanning the waves with frantic and fearful eyes as the men heaved their woven boats out to sail on the water, trying to help find your baby brother before it was too late.

You looked on the bank, spotting his sandals, having small pictures of ducks and cows on the soles painted and stitched in. You picked them up, so small in your hands, and squeezed them against you, falling to your knees and crying out for someone--anyone--to bring your brother back home to you.

🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑

It was the most horrible pain you'd ever felt in your life. Worse than the pain that came with your monthly bleeds, worse than when you injured your ankle playing as a young girl.

It felt like your heart was ripped out out of your chest--not by Anubis, but some cruel, twisted, maniacal demon bent on your torment.

The wail your mother made as your brother's pale, limp, lifeless body was placed on the embalmers table haunted your dreams. The way she clawed at her own skin, the way she doubled over him like a feral animal and sobbed made your torn-out heart feel as though it were slowly being fed to Ammit herself; intentionally being chewed as slowly as possible to make your suffering worse.

What hurt you even more after that was your father, so bereaved and heartbroken that he could barely function, his face going blank as hot tears slowly tracked down his wrinkled cheeks, his usually immaculate eyeliner running like black rivers down his face.

"No! No, he's not--!" Your mother cried, thrashing as your father and a servant pried her away from his body.

"That's not my son! It can't be! He's not dead!"

You covered your face and sobbed as a priest approached you, his face gentle and caring. Young for his age, his eyes seemed to carry a great age of knowledge behind them. His hand rested on your shoulder.

"Lady Merit... Please. Attend to your parents." He said sweetly to you. "We will take care of your brother and prepare him for his journey. We have already sent word to the workers of your family's tomb--the Pharaoh himself has paid for more work to be put into it so it will be ready to take your brother and keep him."

"It's not..." Your eyes dragged to the tiny frail body draped in the linen sheet. He looked like he was asleep, as pale as the cloth he was wrapped in.

Your shoulders slumped and you started to tremble.

Ahrenkare was gone. You would not get to see him or hear his laughter again until you, yourself passed on and prepared for your journey into the afterlife.

"Lady Merit." The priest repeated again, his hand squeezing your shoulder in an effort to ground you, to remind you that you were still in the land of the living. "I can assure you. Your brother is in safe hands. I will say a prayer as the embalmer begins his work, I will personally insure your brother is treated with the utmost care and respect as mortally possible."

He turned you away from the haunting sight of your brother's corpse; his presence warm despite the cold that gripped your body and refused to let go. "Please." He said softly.

"Take... Take care of him, he..." You choked, your jaw tensing as you tried to bite back the sob that wanted to crawl from your very soul, instead whispering; "...he's scared of the dark."

Your head hung low as your feet dragged you out, following the disturbing echoes of your mother's cries for her son, your baby brother; who had yet to be given the chance to become a man.

The priest who tried to comfort you looked at you with pain and pity; he knew you well. You came to the temples to study. Many times bringing your brother with to help educate him when his tutors couldn't. Such an innocent ba lost too soon to the next life...

🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑

Ahrenkare had been placed in the tomb two weeks ago, and your mother's mind and body began to wither, as well as her will to live. The burden and pain of losing her only and beloved son was simply too much for her heart to carry.

She was often bedridden, now, but occasionally you would awaken to the sounds of her crying, kneeling in what had once been Ahrenkare's room--now bare of his belongings as his burial chamber in your family tomb was loaded with his things--clutching one of the only things she had left him.

A small toy, carved from wood; it was that of a warrior, built similarly to how your father looked, a symbol of the man he used to be before he was injured in battle and couldn't fight anymore. Ahrenkare looked up to him like he was Ra himself, wanting to be just as brave and as strong as your father was.

But your mother...

Your mother was dying.

You and your father could tell. She refused to eat, now; she barely drank. All she would do was stare out at the Nile, her eyes dull and lost as she looked at the sparkling waves, ignorant of the wonderful life they had taken. Oh, it wasn't anyone's fault, she knew, but... She wanted nothing more than one chance to hold him, again, to feel his cheek as she squished him against her for a kiss; to hear his laughter as she tickled his sides in play...

It was as if her ba was preparing her body for its departure itself.

You couldn't handle seeing her like that--you spent more and more time locked in your room, consuming scroll after scroll, drowning your grief in knowledge the same way the Nile had drowned your brother.

When you weren't studying, you were in the temples, leaving offerings and begging for help from one of the gods. Maybe seeking to lift your mother's ailment, or sending a prayer to Nut to ensure your brother's ba sailed safely through the night sky.

You'd left generous offerings to Anubis, maybe as a way of trying to ensure your brother's ba was not devoured by Ammit.

Right now, you were in a small temple, but one you visited often. It was the Temple of Khonshu; and you prayed excessively as of late, in hopes that maybe he would heal your mother, to lift her pain from her so she could begin to recover.

But nothing you did ever helped. And when your mother finally passed on, you were numb-struck. Still feeling from the loss of your brother, you now had to bury your mother alongside him. The comforting words of your father assuring you the gods took her to reunite her with Ahrenkare did little to balm your wounded heart.

And so, here you were. Collapsed on an altar, sobbing into an empty room, the statue of Khonshu imposing and large as it looked over you, the open roof of the temple allowing the moon to shine down onto you.

Your chest heaved as your body was wracked with sobs, your nails digging into your own skin as you buried your face in your arms.

Despite your disheveled appearance, a warm hand found its way to your head, caressing your smooth scalp in a gentle, comforting way.

"I know it hurts." The voice belonging to the hand said to you. "But I promise, they are no longer in pain. They are together, and are waiting for you, and your father."

"But why? Why now?" You whimpered, curling in on yourself, afraid to look at the kind stranger in fear of breaking down worse in the face of someone's pity.

"Nobody can say. Perhaps it was their time, perhaps there is another divine reasoning behind their passings." He told you. "But rest assured... their souls were not evil. Anubis has no reason to judge them harshly."

"It... it hurts." You sniffled.

"Yes... It will. It will hurt." He told you, his thumb caressing your skin gently. "But you just ask yourself... will you give in to the same affliction that ailed your mother's heart--or will you continue to live, and carry their memories with you? You must find out and see if you will join them sooner, rather than later."

As his hand retracted, you lifted your gaze and turned to see who the man was.

And where he was standing, was a man. A man dressed in all white, long robes flowing around him, Khonshu's blessed symbol emblazoned on his chest as he looked down at you, his face covered by a featureless mask, leaving only glowing sockets where his eyes would be.

He held his hand out to you, expecting you to take it.

"Who are you?" You ask softly. "Are you... a... a priest of Khonshu?"

"In a sense." He chuckles gently to you, his hand encapsulating yours as he brings you to your feet with care, steadying your weary body with a hand to the curve of your back.

"Though, many would consider me his Fist."

🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑

Chapter 10: Link

[mamirhodessxox]

His Strange Addiction (Part 10, Final chapter.)

(Other parts can be found on my masterlist)

This might be a short chapter aswell but I also wanted to get this out of the way :) this is my first ever completed story & i feel like I’ve make a lot of progress after writing for this FF, I’m really happy some people took their time to read this even if it is a little shitty :) I’m grateful for my mooties who have read this & reblogged it, I hope you guys enjoy this Final chapter of HSA

Cody Rhodes x Fem Wrestler!OC (Melina Reyz)

Desc: It had been a few months since Milena finally gave birth to her & Cody’s first daughter Ivey Rhodes, due to Milena’s postpartum depression things were tough at first but eventually she finally spoke to someone and expressed her emotions in a more healthy manner.

Content: Mentions of smut, childbirth, an anxiety, therapy & Depression, Fluff, Angst, Girl dad Cody, Abandonment issues, happy ending :)

🏷️ list: @alyyaanna @ginswife @coolpastelartshoe @greatkoalawizard @cokolin044 @kotoriarlert @alicerosejensen @bunnybot55 @agent-dessis-posts @adollonyourshelf @mini-rhodes @southerngirl41 @harmshake @femdisa @kabloswrld @claymoresofinfamy23

{~I'm very serious with you guys interacting with my writing!!!! it would make me so happy & excited, the more comments & reposts the more inspiration i have to write :) likes and comments are strongly appreciated so please COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT COMMEENNTTT the more comments the more content <3!!!~}

Cody & Milena finally had their daughter Ivey Rhodes, she was the cutest thing they have ever laid their eyes on & automatically they got used to being parents, Cody loved being a girl dad, Ivey was all he ever talked about, at work, during his promos, interviews, at home, anywhere Ivey was always brought up in a discussion. Ivey & Milena revolved around his universe, especially Milena.

Just a few months ago after giving birth she started experiencing postpartum depression which was normal for a mother just after giving birth to her child, Cody had took notice that she had been experiencing a lot of anxiety & her past emotions from before the pregnancy making a mix in her mental health which at first wasn’t good, Milena had been overthinking a lot & often freaking herself out and having random emotional outbursts most days, he also took notice that she was having problems focusing on herself sometimes instead of the baby, she needed a support system & despite Cody being one of her biggest supporters who’s always patient with her she needed a professional to speak to.

One night after certain activities Cody was in the middle of aftercare & cleaning her up & all of a sudden heard a sniffle & looked up at his wife only to see her tearing up which made him put down the cloth he had in his hand and immediately pulled her into his arms “What’s wrong sweetheart, what’s on your mind?” She frowned & stuffed her face into the crook of his neck as she began crying & didn’t breathe in a proper manner. Cody gently grabbed her face “None of that baby, you need to breathe okay?” He guided her through the breathing process and once he knew she was calm enough he got her to open up “Now what’s got you so upset hm?” Milena furrowed her eyebrows and wiped off her eyes taking a breath before she spoke, “I just— I don’t w-want you to leave me, i-i know I can be a major pain in the ass but I-please don’t leave me.” She whimpered out but he shook his head & ran his hand through her hair “Oh angel I could never, it’s never crossed my mind and it never will baby, I promise. We have a lot of good things going on right now, we just had a beautiful babygirl, we’re still freshly married, I’m never ever going to make that mistake again alright?”

She nodded & let out a short sob before he frowned and held her against his chest while sitting on the bed, Milena had been horrified of him leaving her again since the moment Cody & her got back together, after everything over Bianca Cody had became more patient & gentle with her once he took to notice she hated being alone, whenever he got out of bed before she woke up she would often panic & tear up until she saw him come back upstairs, if he was at the store for an hour longer than usual while she was at home she would begin to overthink & scare herself, she would often need reassurance from him over this issue.

The next day Milena stood in the kitchen holding Ivey in her arms, her & Cody decided it would be a good day to relax & sit back since fall had just hit & it was pretty rainy out, He was standing by the stove making lunch & would keep at eye out on his two girls. Milena stood by the door pointing out the rain and mumbling to the baby & smiling whenever Ivey would coo or giggle and flap her little hands around. Cody set the lunch on the table & went over to his wife & daughter “What’s got you all giggly huh?” He asked ivey in a stern joking way as he took her from Mils arms so she could go eat “It better not be a boy young lady, we’ll be having a lonng talk.” Ivey giggled and clung onto her daddy while he sat over at the table with Milena & held the baby at the same time.

“I think I should talk to someone.” Cody perked his head up and blinked a few times at the sudden words from his wife and then smiling once he processed what she said “If that’s what you think is best for you then go for it, I think it’s a good idea baby.” She smiled meekly & took a bite of the sandwich he made for her, for the remainder of the day they discussed her options of therapy & ultimately chose on a professional psychologist after searching resources. At first Milena was excited and eager to talk but then next week rolled by for her first session & she was scared.

Cody sat in the car with her as Ivey was in her carseat in the back. “Hey.” He called out to her softly and she looked over at him with a fearful look as if she was a dear in headlights, “Your gonna do great alright? It’ll be over before you even know it, I’ll be out here when you come back alright?” She nodded & gave him a quick kiss and waved at Ivey before leaving the car & walking into the office & signing a few papers before she waited, and waited, and waited. “Rhodes?” A soft voice called out and she immediately perked up and smiled as she was called for “Hi! I’ll be your therapist, you can call me Cassandra, how about we get you settled in my station and get you started?” Melina smiled meekly nodding her head as she was guided into her therapists office which was immediately welcoming her with open arms, tapestry’s hung on the walls, mood lights surrounding the room & the sound of water coming from those tiny water fountains that laid upon Cassandra’s desk.

Milena sat down & Cassandra sat behind her desk and smiled “So, Tell me about yourself Milena, what do you do everyday?” Milena huffed out a breath & Fidgeted with her hands nervously “I— Well I used to do women’s wrestling but I ended up resigning for now since I just had my firstborn a few months ago, I usually spend most of my days with my husband Cody, our friends & obviously our daughter.” Cassandra nodded as she listened thoroughly “Well congratulations, So, I know your probably very anxious and nervous so I usually like to get this part out of the way very quickly since I know opening up on certain things can be difficult & from what I’ve gathered this is your first time attending therapy?” Milena nodded her head with a nervous smile “Why don’t you tell me about what’s bothering you? You mentioned you just had your first child & usually after giving birth mothers experience postpartum depression, do you think you’ve been experiencing that a little bit?”

She huffed out a heavy breath and nodding “Well- I never really paid attention to postpartum because most things I should be feeling I’ve sort of been experiencing even before I became pregnant, I- me and my husband had a rocky relationship at first, we originally dated in 2013 until 2015 he broke up with me since we didn’t have much free time to see each other because of our different work schedules & then in 2023 we got back together, I started overthinking about things like the possibility of him leaving me again especially when there was another woman around who was constantly starting problems, I often experience anxiety, especially now after having our daughter I feel like he’s going to leave me at any moment, I sort of um- freak out when I don’t see him in bed with me when I wake up, I get really freaked out sometimes when he’s at the store for a long time while I’m at home. Before I was pregnant & during my pregnancy i would have random emotional outbursts.”

Cassandra hummed and set her pen down before twining her hands together & clearing her throat “Well I’m really glad you came Milena, I’m very proud of you for opening up & I’m sure your husband is very proud of you as well, it’s not easy to express your emotions and concerns and I can tell this was a very big step for you, From what I’ve gathered it seems that your guys’ past breakup & fights are the root of this issue, what your dealing with is the fear of Abandonment, You’ve grown so attached to him & gave him all of your trust to him now and that can be scary sometimes & make you worry & it is absolutely not your fault. What we’ll be doing for the next few weeks is coming up with some ways to conquer this issue, help set up boundaries & hope for the best. How’s that sound?” Milena smiled nodding her head in agreement as she clearly liked that idea.

For the next few weeks Cody had noticed her change in attitude & overall mental health, she seemed more calm & less uptight and anxious, whenever someone upset Milena she would look down and just focus on her breathing and keep herself calm and collected.

Cody & Milena were at home & he laid on the floor having tummy time with Ivey & chuckled everytime she would stretch out her tiny body “Ooohh big stretch! My goodness babygirl that was a really big stretch” he grinned and picked her up and cooed once she did the baby scrunch before he held her against his chest, Milena found it adorable that he was such a big strong man and would hold a baby the size of a small teddy bear compared to him, she was so tiny compared to him that they started calling her “bean” Cody would walk around the house as he talked with Milena about how her therapy is going & whenever Ivey would sneeze Mils would smile and press a gentle kiss into their daughters head.

Milena was glowing to him, she seemed to be in a better and healthier mindset & he could tell she was happier & less down. He loved watching her be a mother to their firstborn, The way Milena always spoke to Ivey as if she could understand the words her mama was saying, always having conversations & interacting with the baby, “Look at you in your cute little bow!” She smiled and would laugh at her daughter giving her that adorable heartwarming gummy smile.

Once it was finally time to put Ivey down for bed & the two did their night routine for the baby Cody gently held his wife’s hips in his hands and smiled before kissing her deeply as they just got to their bedroom “You look so gorgeous baby..” Milena smiled into the kiss & hummed softly while her nails ran down his arms softly as his tongue slipped past her lips and moved against hers “Let’s have another baby hmm?” He moved his lips against her neck as he ran his hands around her breasts giving them a gentle squeeze before pressing her down against their shared bed & spending most of all night making love & enjoying the presence of each other.

Milena & Cody were finally where they wanted to be as a couple, he was so proud of her for everything she’s put up with, whether it be Bianca, the pregnancy, her mental health struggles & being a mother he knew she would kick ass at it.

xtripleiiix’s Masterlist

[billys-pretty-babe]

Strong Enough to Bring Sun to the Darkest Days

Pairing : Billy Hargrove x Platonic!Fem!Reader

Warnings : mentions of depression, suicidal ideation and anxiety

Word count : 708

A/N : today has been extremely hard and i just needed an escape, this most likely won't be as good as my others but i just needed a distraction.

You hadn't seen your best friend in two weeks, you were currently holed up in your bedroom, having your mother make any unwanted guests to leave and unfortunately, that included Billy. You barely had the energy to drag yourself out of your bed to do some form of hygiene, most of the time, it was the bare minimum.

Your episodes became more frequent, more harmful to your mental health with the thoughts of wanting to go to sleep one night and not waking up the next. The first few days, you spent endless hours crying until you could no longer cry, just get the burning sensation of the tears and the burning in your nose.

At night, you felt nauseous when you were left home alone, afraid something would happen, your teeth would chatter, your hands would shake and your heart rate picked up, you thought your heart was going to explode.

Your parents left once again, both having a night job and as soon as the deadbolt locked, the anxiety settled into your belly as you bit your tongue, trying to swallow your lunch back down, deciding on skipping out on dinner. Not even an hour had passed before you heard footsteps in front of your window.

You tried to be rational, trying to tell yourself it was just a stray animal until someone's knuckles hit the window quickly, three taps. You tried to smile, you knew exactly who it was, but you just couldn't bring yourself to do it. You got up, your body aching from being in your bed, your bed having an indent in the shape of your body.

You pulled the black curtains back and there he was. Billy smiled, wiggling his fingers as he pointed at your latch, wanting you to unlock your window. He unlocked it and peeled the window up, listening to it creak from not being used for fourteen days. Billy ducked under the window, letting himself into your bedroom before you quickly shut the window, latching it and closing your curtains.

"What're you doing here," you asked as you made your way back to your bed, laying in your crater, the mattress hugging your body, trying to provide you comfort. Billy looked at you, tossing his leather wallet onto your bedside table, moving you over so he could sit beside you. "Why are you shutting me out?" You shrugged, you couldn't tell him you were getting bad again, he had helped you so much.

He reached for you, not wanting to overstep any boundaries by grabbing you. You reached out as well, grabbing his slightly calloused hand. "I'm getting bad again," you said quietly and he nodded, nudging your body over so he could lay beside you. "I know," he said just as quietly. "I wanted to give you some time but I was getting worried, but I haven't seen you in two weeks. They usually only last a couple days." You nodded, "They've been back to back." He nodded once more.

He squeezed your hand tightly so you'd pay attention to him, "I love you and I'm here if you ever need me. You can come to me whenever you need something or someone, okay?" You nodded, moving closer to him as you placed your head on his shoulder. "I love you too, B." He smiled, pressing a kiss to your forehead, and you smiled as you felt his smile.

"Can you stay the night?" He nodded as he moved his head to one of your pillows. "Already got a change of clothes in the car, sweetheart." You nodded. "Thank you for everything." He smiled, "You don't need to thank me. I'll do anything for you, you know that." You nodded, twisting the silver ring on his finger.

"Scoot, my ass is hanging over the bed." You laughed and moved for him as he moved so he was on the bed. "Go to sleep." You nodded, knowing how much sleep you'd been getting lately. "Love you." He smiled, "Love you too, sweetheart." He pressed a kiss to your forehead once more before holding you tightly, gently pressing your ear to his chest, where his heart would be.

One finger traced your features softly, lulling you to sleep.

[weebsinstash]

On my platonic yandere Batfam bullshit again thinking about, like, deliberately dramatic scenarios because I crave emotional tension

-imagine if Bruce gets called in to regressed!Reader's school because you got in a fist fight with another kid, and this kid is the son of one of his prominent business partners and Bruce, uh, doesn't immediately believe you when you state for him and the principal why you got into a fight because, hey he knows that boy, he isn't THAT bad! And Bruce scolds you and makes you apologize and even grounds you once you two are in the car alone and you're just noticeably extremely angry and quiet to the point you won't even come out of your room for dinner. And after some time has passed, days even, a couple members of the fam are in a room together with you and someone cracks a joke about you losing your temper over a misunderstanding and you just, stare directly at them as you pull out your phone, press play on a video, and walk away as they watch where you had been trying to take a photo of something like idk a flower or the weather and began accidentally filming after Selina helped dropped you off at school and the footage caught the boy outright calling her a slut for what she was wearing

And of course Bruce is upset because that kid insulted Catwoman and also got some swings back at you (he's probably proud to a certain degree that you defended Selina and shes absolutely delighted when she hears about it) but he asks "well why didn't you tell me you had proof im the first place" and you just spit at him "oh so I need PROOF for you to BELIEVE ME?" And extra bonus points if Reader has their old memories back and hits him with "after everything you've done to me, I finally ask for your help and ACTUALLY needed you this ONE TIME and you couldn't even believe me? Wow, my hero 🙄" so now he knows he's broken your heart AND you're back to the "old you" that he wants to, father all the depression and trauma out of

-since Dick, Barbara, and Reader would all be going to a prestigious school I think of like, what if your class got kidnapped for ransom while on a field trip. And Robin and Batgirl look over to you thinking you're going to panic and freak out but you're suspiciously calm, or, calmer than the anxiety stricken adopted 'sibling' they've had this whole time, and maybe despite being kidnapped by like, idk, Babyface or Black Mask or Two Face, and maybe you even just outright insult them and it becomes horribly obvious to them "oh not only do you have your memories back, they've unintentionally turned you into an explosive powder keg of repressed anger and frustration because they betrayed what little trust you had left"

You just look at Two Face and start fucking with him, this criminal looking down as a teenager starts roasting him way too casually and maybe with facts you shouldn't even know, things you remember from your time as a hero before. "Hey Harvey, what's hanging, it's been a while. Hey can I ask a question? You ever think about just outright asking someone like I dunno Bruce Wayne to fix that fucked up meat gristle face of yours? Like, I'm sure having half your body resemble the same consistency of a breakfast sausage has its uses in intimidation, but, like, I'm sure if you just walked up to Batman and said 'hey if you make me look less like a rotisserie chicken I'll quit crime' and he would probably just like, HAND the money for the sugery to you, like, do you think Batmobile money falls out of the sky, he's clearly fucking loaded"

And of course the follow up/alternative of "the stress triggers Reader's metagene or old memories or both and you just start whooping ass unapologetically and Barb and Dick are sweating because they're trying not to break incognito but like you're significantly hurting these dudes, you're clearly really angry and upset and taking it out on them" and tbh I imagine Batman already has contingencies for this possibility. He shows up in costume and Two Face has already fled but you're standing there in your preppy school uniform now dirty and torn, blood on your knuckles, about to beat a man unconscious while your classmates either cower or cheer or fear you. If Reader has some sort of magic, then he just has to get Nth metal from Hawkgirl or Hawkman, maybe he'll make it a cute bracelet, just a nice gift from Dad. Bodily autonomy to use your own powers and be an adult again, what's that? He's disappointed in you for caving into the darkness and also? you're grounded >:(

-Reader becoming a mugging/gun violence victim and now you're never allowed to leave the manor, period. I can only imagine like the projection of trauma from Bruce if, after losing his parents, he has to watch you weak and recovering from a gunshot, wheezing in bed struggling to breathe properly because a bullet went through one of your lungs. You're put in a total bubble to recover in absolute peace and sterility, but, even far after you've recovered, your "guardian" is still convinced someone will leap out of the bushes to hurt you, so, no leaving the manor unless he's with you. Like. Imagine him being so scared he doesn't even want to trust your safety with the other Batfamily members, and maybe he even cracks down on several of the other younger members because he doesn't want them to get shot too (also like, resulting trauma and overprotectiveness if one or multiple of them saw you get shot and are like, still fucked up over having to apply pressure to your bullet wound as your warm blood leaks all over their fingers and they can't do anything to stop you and-- like do you see how that would send some of them into borderline psychosis when theyve already got So Many Many Issues)

-all of them try to exert control over what you're exposed to and consume in terms of entertainment. You have spyware on your phone and any member of the Batfam who can use the Batcomputer can see your past and current browsing history and I will die on this hill. Bruce and Alfred are rigorous in making sure you don't ruin your mental health. Like you know how I talked about "what if you had a yandere that was in tech and he gave you a phone that he occasionally spies on and remotely disables if he thinks you're spending too much time on it/seeing something you shouldnt"? Bruh that's like half of the Manor, Bruce especially. He has to "make sure nothing bad happens to you". All it can take is 'one bad day', after all...

-obsessed with the idea of them getting jealous of you spending time with other alternate universe versions of themselves, in concepts where Reader is a JL member/vigilante and has the power/tech to multiverse travel anyways. Batman hasn't seen you in a couple weeks and, actually maybe he's a little concerned about you, you've kind of just vanished off the face of the earth, and he bumps into you on a Gotham rooftop with. Another Batman, and getting along much better and being more casual and friendly with the stranger than with him. Broody fucking "I am darkness, I am the night, I am vengeance" Bruce catching you like. smoking weed on his couch with the hilariously weird version of him from the Harley Quinn cartoon universe and God forbid if anyone shows signs of having feelings for you

(also could you imagine how ballistic he and or Jason would go if they caught you hanging out with, you know, one of the super violent "murder is ok" Jasons/Batmans and you tell them straight up "actually I agree with what he's doing, I want to help him, in fact maybe I'll work with HIM now instead of you" like, y'all, I think Batman would permanently never let you work as a hero or sidekick ever again because he's genuinely worried you'll fall down the slippery slope and make a mistake that ruins your life. Like depending on the depiction of Batman you're looking at, some of them admit straight up that they don't kill Joker because they know they're legitimately filled with so much anger and hatred that if they kill even one person, that'll break the barrier to killing tons of criminals outright and they won't be able to stop)

-all I'm saying is that if they ever caught you like being cordial or mildly friendly with an alternate universe version of a villain, no matter how good they are, they shut that shit down immediately. "Y/N who is that" "oh this is my bud The Jester from the universe where the Joker is actually really good and a superhero and--" *jester proceeds to be grappled back through a multiverse portal* "wait no don't freak out this poison ivy is actually really chill and she's married to Harley and she sells me really good weed and she only does a liiiiiitle bit of ecoterrorism and--" immediately thrown in Arkham

-I just genuinely think it's funny that they're probably either smoking weed with you bc trauma and stress or are vehemently anti drug. Can you imagine just in general like, regressed reader, batfam member, either way, just being an actual adult just minding your business and smoking weed and Bruce reacting like he just caught you with a loaded gun in your pocket "y/n is that a weed" "yeah its for my chronic pain--" "I'm calling commissioner gordon" like, Bruce practically acting like you need to go to rehab

-I kinda love the drama of Bruce or Dick or Barbara or just any of the Batfam members accidentally basically ruining your social life and social reputation. You were at a house party one night and eventually pics start getting texted around of Nightwing confronting you in the yard and pulling you away and now there are rumors you're a criminal on parole. You get invited to smoke weed at a friend's and suddenly Batman is in the house and suddenly everyone's parents are there to pick up their kids as he lectures about the dangers of drugs and now absolutely NO ONE from school wants anything to do with you "because what if Batman shows up and gets us in trouble"

-I feel like, as one of those vaguely morally gray areas, that Bruce would make you take medication and get treatment for, like, really anything that needs it, but more specifically anxiety and depression and just overall psychological issues. And as a dark twist what if you aren't really naturally anxious and don't even have an anxiety disorder or anything but he puts you on pills to mellow you out because you're freaking out at him for completely valid and understandable reasons like, you know, being confined in his home against your will. "What, you aren't mad about being kidnapped and controlled and lied to, you clearly just have pre existing emotional issues that keep you from reacting properly, but don't worry I'm here to help" 🙄🙄🙄

[ultralightpoe]

Maroon - Ethan Landry

Authors Note: I have been trying to find any sort of energy to post and get out of bed. Got so close to giving up on life itself and I'm barely back, please bare with me as I try to find my way out of my depression hole I have dug for myself everyone. I know it's been a minute but life has been kicking my ass. Be patient with me - Ultralight

Word Count: 4930

Warnings: stab, cussing and all that jazz.

Apart of my MIDNIGHTS EVENT. (Next Event is Sour by Olivia Rodrigo. Requests closed. Event following yet to be decided)

SOUR EVENT

MAIN MASTERLIST

Enjoy!

When the morning came we were cleaning incense off your vinyl shelf

'Cause we lost track of time again

Laughing with my feet in your lap

Like you were my closest friend

“Jesus, I didn’t even know how much incense you  had been burning.” Ethan laughs, admiring the stain on his shirt caused by the incense powder left. A blue contrast to the pure white. 

“Who wears a white cleaning shirt?!” You laugh, leaning over to pour him another glass of wine, your face heated from the alcohol and laughter. 

“How was I supposed to know that it would stain?” His face falls into one of confused shock that has you keeling over from laughing so hard. “What is so funny? You should be worried about your lungs! Sure you don’t smoke but -THAT- cannot be healthy.”

“Incense are calming.” You defend, shrugging off his pointing. “And sage helps clean out dark energies.”

“You are so stressed and filled with dark energy that you are risking your lungs?” He raises a skeptical eyebrow then, watching you closely. 

“I don’t know, lately there is something just…..off.” Your face falls then, your heartbeat slowing down as you blink at him. For a moment you can only stare, and he seems to get nervous under it, leaning forward to kiss your forehead. 

“Let’s get off the floor, yeah?” He reaches under your arms to draw you up, keeping a tight hold on your waist as he avoids eye contact. 

You sat, eyes casting all around the room in anxiety, as you waited for the class to start. You were having a really off day, and you just wanted it to be better but you were stuck attending class. The ringing in your ears seemed to get worse the more people stared, your pen tapping obnoxiously as you did your best to ignore everyone. 

“You okay?” Someone asks, a light touch at your shoulder that is immediately snatched away as you peer up to the person that had asked. Being met with the nervous face of Ethan Landry, your seat neighbor, as he tried to fix his hair. “You seem off today.”

“You would laugh if I told you.”

  “Try me.” He smiles, sitting next to you and pulling out his school work. 

“Well… the candle I lit this morning died out.” 

“Okay? You ran out of wax?”

“That’s the thing, it died right after I lit it. No breeze, still a lot of wick and wax. It just died out.” 

“So what does that mean?”

“I don’t know but it’s bad luck.”

“Well…..” He gets quiet for a moment before smiling and reaching into his bag and pulling out lighter before grabbing a sticky note. “Let’s try this.”

He scribbles down ‘bad luck’ on the sticky note, catching it on fire and smiling. “We are burning away the bad luck.”

“I don’t think that is how it works…” You smile. 

“Worth a shot, plus you smiled.” He turns to where the teacher is entering now, blowing out the fire on the sticky note and leaving you to smile to yourself the rest of the class. 

"How'd we end up on the floor anyway?" You say

"Your roommate's cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that's how"

I see you every day now

“How did we end up on the floor anyway?” You laugh, taking a moment to stretch your legs before breaking from his hold and shuffling to the other side where the glasses still sat.  You feel him shuffle closer as well, his hand finding your own .

“Your roommate’s cheap wine.”

“Do you have to get back?” You turn to lean your head on his chest, enjoying the feeling of his arms wrapping around you.  

You had met Ethan the first month of college, and the both of you had gotten attache way too quickly.  You were regarded as a ‘witch’ to your classmates, they mocked you as they passed, pretending they were scared of you casting spells upon them . You had always laughed, not really thinking it was big enough to defend yourself. 

Sure, you believed in auras and sage or candle magic, but you never tried to summon the devil. You just believed that there were ways of life, yours was praying to mother nature and leaving salt at your windows. 

Ethan was….. Sweet and wonderful. He never said mean things to anyone, and carried himself nervously. He was like sweet caramel in fall, and you fell hard.  

That being said, you were always fearing his departure, especially lately. 

“I do, Chad wanted help with his econ.” He mumbles, leaning down to press your foreheads together and breathe you in. “You’ll be okay here?”

“Oh, yes.” You sigh, smiling a bit as you know you are about to be dramatic. “I guess I will be fine here, all by myself with the dark energy that I am pretty sure is a demon latched onto my roommates childhood stuffy. Let the demons come to get me, I guess.”

“Oh…..sad.” He pretends to mourn  before smiling wide. “But I’m young, I’ll move on.” 

“You sucker!” You scoff, slapping his shoulder. “Now go, before I make you stay.”

He smiles, leaning down to kiss you deeply before pulling away to grab his sweater and backpack. “See you tomorrow morning?”

“Of course.” You sneak one more kiss in before allowing him to head out, the second he is gone you shuffle to the shelf you keep by your bed, smiling at the photo of you and Ethan as you drag your Tarot deck out. 

You wouldn’t ever admit it but you were sure something was going to happen soon, everytime you rolled a deck you ended up pulling the tower card. And that was never good. 

“Hmmmm, what is that smell?” Ethan asks, hugging you tightly and breathing you in. “Oranges and…”

“Frankincense with a hint of rosemary. My own brew.” You smile, giggling when he sticks his nose right on your neck. “You want some?”

“What does it do?”

“Good luck, safety.” You smile, grabbing the bottle you made that morning and rubbing some of the oil on his pressure points. He lets you, smiling like a dope as you work. “Some people believe that growing Rosemary at your gates is a harness of protection.”

“And you?”

“Believe it wholeheartedly.” You admit, trying not to laugh. “So in my class we have to interview someone that has ‘survived a trauma’, right?”

  “Yeah?”

“And everyone was talking about everyone they wanted to interview. But Jason Carvey..get this-” Just as he always does Ethan turns to give you his whole attention, something that makes your chest explode each time.  “He started talking about that Tara girl your roommate hangs out with. Then when I asked him about it he told me to go hide in a cave and curse myself.”

“Curse yourself?”

“Then flipped me off! Like he was in elementary school!” You laugh, putting the oil back in your bag before turning your attention to the board. “He’s such a child.”

“He’ll regret it one day. Karma is a pain.”

And I chose you

The one I was dancin' with

In New York, no shoes

Looked up at the sky and it was

“You decide on a costume yet?” Sam asks, side eyeing you a bit as you try to keep your cool in her hallway. You never really had a lot of female friends, and it always seemed that Ethan’s friends didn’t really like you, the only one that bothered to acknowledge you when you came over was Tara’s older sister who seemed to always pick up on your anxiety.

“Yes, actually. I am going to be Ted Lasso. My roommate is going as Beard.” 

“From a show?”

“Yeah, we watch it together every thursday. How about you?” 

“Not a Halloween person.” 

“Who is not a Halloween person?” Ethan asks, swinging around the corner with a slight smile as he reaches for you. Within moments you relax into his touch, smiling as he kisses your cheek. “Gave Chad and Tara the notes. We can go get lunch now.”

“Great, thank you so much for the water Sam.” You smile, setting the glass down as Ethan waves and drags you off. 

“You were actually talking to her.” Ethan points out, keeping an arm around you as you both walk down the sidewalk. “She nice to you?”

“As nice as she can be. I don’t think she likes me but she at least tries.” You shrug, smiling when he turns you both to your favorite place to eat. “None of your friends like me.”

“I barely think they like me, only Chad really.”  He laughs, doing his best to play off his own anger. You knew it well by now, he was one of the sweetest people you knew but he got angry and quiet sometimes. Normally he smiled it off, trying his best to pretend nothing was wrong.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” He lies, leaning down to kiss you. “Everything is fine.”

- - 

Your boyfriend looked around your room with curious eyes, a small smile playing on his lips. You stood in the doorway, fiddling with your nails as you watched him. This was the first time he had come to your apartments,  and you were more than nervous. 

“What’s this card mean?”

“Oh, that’s  bad card….well normally. It really depends, but tower means doom normally.” You mutter, watching him move closer to your record player.  “Ah, Stevie nicks…Taylor Swift… Abba?”

“I like upbeat sometimes.” “Wanna dance?”

You hesitate for a moment, watching him before shrugging, moving closer as he chooses a vinyl to play, the sound of Taylor Swift fills the room, his other hand flying out to grab you softly. The wine he was holding sloshes a bit when he slips, drawing a gasp from him and a laugh from you.  “I am so sorry-”

“I am fine. Just a dress.” You mumble, setting both your cups down before letting him pull you to the center of your room.  You both dance easily, giggling between each other whenever one of you trips. 

“I’m really glad I met you.” You whisper, hugging him tightly.

“Right back to you. You make life better.”

The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was

The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon

Ethan stuck close to your side Halloween morning, clinging to you as tried to get ready. Your roommate, who hated Halloween, sat on your couch in the living room trying to convince both of you not to go out. 

“And your cards?! What bout that tower card you keep pulling?!”  She cries, stuffing her face with grapes as you search for your heels. 

“Tower? That was the one that meant doom, right?” Ethan asks, dragging his attention between the two of you, the cardboard vest he wore duct taped tightly. 

“No!” Lie. “Nothing is wrong, we are all going to go out and have fun. Yeah?”

You were determined to have a good night, since Mindy had invited you to come with when he heard that your roommate bailed. “It’s going to be grand.” 

You just wanted to impress his friends, so you grabbed your eyelash glue and placed some on the mustache you had bought for the ted lasso costume, trying not to shake. “Do you think I should have dressed….”

“Your costume is amazing.” Ethan is quick to correct, peeling himself off of you to sneak over and see what your roommate was turning on the tv. “What is that?”

“Global warming.” Your roommate snaps, turning to glare at him before she hears something and snaps her head to see the window. 

“You going to be okay here?” You ask, waiting for the glue to dry as you watch her. 

“I am going to be great. Mind your own business.” She mumbles defensively, getting up to hug you and dash to her room. 

“Okay, ready?” You ask, sticking the mustache on your face and smiling at him. “Wait…. You ready?”

Your voice slips into a smooth southern accent like Ted Lasso, watching him smile. “Let’s go.”

“WAIT WAIT WAIT!” You laugh, snagging your phone from the table. “It’s Mindy!”

“What? Why?” Ethan asks, wing sauce all over his face as he stares at you in a panic, your shouting making his heart race. 

“She…. she is inviting me out with you guys tomorrow! To the party!” You squeal, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. “She wants me to come hang out.,...... she must think I’m kinda cool!”

“You are more than kinda cool, you know.” He laughs, watching you with a smile. “To me you are the coolest person I know.” 

“You have to say that, I kiss you.” You laugh, dashing to show your roommate the text.

When the silence came, we were shaking blind and hazy

How the hell did we lose sight of us again?

Sobbin' with your head in your hands

Ain't that the way shit always ends?

Things had not gone as you thought they would. Not in the slightest. 

You had gone from wearing a fake mustache to that same wine shirt you had once danced in with Ethan, the wine stain still covering the heart as you watched everyone around you. Your face was tear streaked, blood running down your face as Chad leans to snap you out of it. “You okay?”

“No.” You answer bluntly, doing your best not to throw up. “Anika….”

“Don’t look-” As if she knew you were turning to stare down the alley Sam appears and blocks your path. “Don’t.”

“Scarface dude was strong, and Quinn-”

“Ghostface.” Mindy laughs, drawing your attention to her bitter expression. “You were close though.”

“Does it matter, the prick-”

“Y/N!” Ethan calls, and you spot him dash through the crowd, hearing Chad mutter out a ‘hell no’ before turning to shove him back. 

They snap at each other for a moment, Ethan casting a look to you every once in a while as you go through the events of the night. Before you know it his hands are on your jaw, pulling your attention as he cradles your face. “Look at me, are you okay?”

“That was crazy, Ethan he just-”

“I know. Breathe.” He mumbles, pulling you in so you can sob. After a couple minutes he pulls back, reaching into his bag for the essential oil you had mixed together. “Safety and calmness….right?”

“Yeah.” You sniffle, hands shaking as you reach for it while he pulls out your ointment. 

“For the cut on your thigh.” He explains, setting it next to you before he moves back to Chad since his roommate couldn’t stop glaring. 

You smile, loving the fact that he remembered all the healing you explained to him before your heart drops and you slowly process. 

You were wearing a blanket over your lap, Ethan hadn’t been there. How the fuck did he know you were cut on your thigh?

- 

A scream tears through your throat when Quinns door bursts open, blood going everywhere as her body flies to you and Anika. 

Ethan had left you here with everyone while he went to class……well more of Anika demanded you stay so you would be safe rather than at your apartment. 

Her body hits you both as you look to her feet where she seems to catch her own fall on the floor, making you stop for a moment before the masked figure is after you. Another scream tears through your lungs and you snatch Anikas hand to move out of the way only for him to go for Mindy. 

A moment of chaos ensues as everyone fends for survival, you grabbing the lamp from the side table and throwing it as hard as you can as the assailant tears their knife through Anika. 

“OH MY GOD-” You scream, watching the blood pour from her as the figure slashes you back, hitting your thigh harshly while you struggle to get to Ani. Pain flashes through you as the figure grabs your arm and throws you to the side, your rib catching on the knife. 

Sam is quick to snatch you off the floor, keeping you close as she goes through Quinns room, only to find the body in the bath. 

“IMGONNAPUKE-” You call as Mindy pulls Anika in. 

“Hold it in.” Sam breathes out, trying to figure out what to do when someone across the way calls her. 

“I got you baby!” The man calls, pulling a ladder for them to climb across. “I GOT YOU!”

You push Sam to go first, trying not to be sick, then Mindy. You pull Ani to the ladder, trying to get her to go across. 

“No no no. You go.”

“Anika, I’m barely bleeding. If I am behind you then I can get you across. Come on.” You mutter, pushing her through the window so you can follow. Your heart is racing through your chest, and your hands are shaking so bad you think you are gonna fall anyways. 

“Y/n.” Anika sobs, and you look up to see her already staring behind you, when you turn you see the figure lurking at the window. 

The head tilts, and the hands grab the end of the ladder, before you know it the ladder starts shaking. It goes from side to side, and when you take a hand off to go help Ani you lean too far and find yourself slipping off, screaming out as you tighten your arm around, your shoulder burning out harshly. 

You can see as Ani falls, hanging from the ladder as everyone screams for you. For a moment you debate it, it would be better if you died like this right? Better than the knife.

But then Sam is reaching out, and you snap back in. 

You were standin' hollow-eyed in the hallway

Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us

I feel you no matter what

The rubies that I gave up

Three days ago you were dancing happily to Fleetwood Mac in your hallway, today you were staring at the history of Ghostface past, blinking at the old T.V. that looked completely fucked up, seeing Ethan approach from the reflection. 

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.” You answer, leaning forward to read the description. “Actually yeah, because I just want to think this all through.”

“Yeah-”

“You miss a day of class, I don’t hear from you and when I do you say you have been with this group the whole time, yeah?”

“Yeah?”

“Then you go to class and two people die…..three people. Naked guy in the bathtub was dead.”

“Okay?” He seems to get defensive then, straightening up a bit as he watches you and you catch on to that. 

“Just…. I thought for a second who would be told if I died. You know?” He nods then as you try to come up with the words. “Who would be notified for you? Your sister?”

“I don’t have a sister.” He laughs, a red tint climbing his neck. 

“Right…. yeah. “

“If you die, I will make sure the entire world knows about you. But I refuse to let you die.” He smiles, leaning to kiss you. 

“But you don’t really have a say… you know?” You smile, trying to play off the bile rising in your stomach. 

“Y/n….?” He asks, something crossing his face before the woman in the purple suit grabs your attention by snapping her fingers at you two. 

- 

“Do you have any siblings?” You ask, looking around the room for your bra as he lays in his dorm bed watching you with a wide smile. 

“I do. A sister.” He mumbles, leaning up to catch your hand and pull you in for a kiss. “Stay, please?”

“Chad will be back soon…..” You mumble, hugging him close. “You close with your parents?”

“My mom left about a year ago, but I’m close with my dad and sister. I can tell him you are here and make him sleep at his sisters dorm…” He is so warm, pulling you back into the bed as you giggle. 

“Pets.”

“No.”

“Do you miss your mom?”

“No.” 

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” 

You wake up a couple hours later, wrapped tightly in the comforter as Ethan keeps you covered, Chad snoring loudly on the other side of the room. You don’t stay awake for long, the heat coming from Ethan pulling you back into another deep sleep. 

- 

And I lost you

The one I was dancin' with

In New York, no shoes

Looked up at the sky and it was maroon

“I can’t believe you would do this,” You sob, limping across the stage of the theater. You had more stab wounds than you ever thought possible, and now you stared at Ethan in a ghostface getup, tears streaming down your face. 

Kirbie laid odd on the floor not too far off, where Ethan's father had killed her. He smiles softly, shrugging a bit with a bashful ease. “Baby-”

“DON’T!”

It had been Quinn that stabbed you, three times, and you were sure you were going to die here but that didn’t matter. Not with the burning in your heart. 

“Just listen-” He pleas, moving to walk forward. 

“BACK THE FUCK UP!” You scream, holding the bat tighter, ready to hit him at any chance. “I swear to god Ethan-”

“You love me! You won’t hurt me because you love me-”

“LOVED!”

“You don’t mean that, baby, you don’t mean it.” He mutters, stepping forward only to step back when you swing the bat. 

“I mean it. I defin-” A scream rips through you as pain shoots from your side, Ethan screaming out and dashing for you as you fall to the stage floor. 

Quinn stands over you, a knife gleaming with blood……your blood. 

“We agreed not her-”

“WE HAVE TO- NO WITNESSES-” She screams as Ethan moves to cover you, your body relaxing under the pain, a warmth crossing you as tears fall from your cheeks. That’s when you spot her, coming to help you, covered in blood and tears streaks down her own face as Tara swings something at Quinn. 

But you are already slipping from reality. 

- 

“Witch.” One of your classmates coughs, laughing when you look his way. 

“It doesn’t even make sense.” Ethan sighs, watching your face fall at the diss. “Witches have always had a strong impact in history. They just think they have a good diss because……well I have no clue because it is stupid.”

You smile, looking over to the kid that has sat next to you the past week. 

“Ethan? Right?”

“Ethan Landry, yeah. And you are Y/n L/n.”

“Yeah,”

“It’s great to meet you.” He blushes, nodding his head.  “I’ve been wanting to talk to you since I saw you, I just haven’t found a good starter and-”

“It’s great to meet you too. You want to get coffee?”

The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was (maroon)

The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was (maroon)

Suddenly it all seemed like a joke, right before his eyes Ethan can see everything his family has worked for crumble. He keeps his hands on your wounds, not that it would matter with the amount of blood you were losing. 

But he had to try. 

You meant way too much to him not to. 

This hadn’t been planned, he thought it would be easy to do this for his father. But then he met you and things began falling apart. He went from trying to take down the friend group to only being able to think about you. 

“Y/n, come on….. Come on please.” He cries, hearing screams and stabbing noises behind him. “Please please please.”

He was begging someone who couldn’t even hear him, but he needed you to hear him. He needed you to make it. 

“Please please please-”

“ETHAN!” His father calls, and his gaze snatches to where his father now stood. “LET’S GO!”

“Ican’tleaveher.” He breathes out, his breath snatching. “PLEASE!”

He doesn’t get to keep arguing, the flash of a knife filling his vision as a ghostface comes out and slashes at him. 

-

Ethan Landry could not believe his luck, watching the girl in front of him with wide eyes as she settles into the coffee shop seat, hands wrapped around the cup while she smiles at him. He can’t breathe but can’t seem to stop breathing in the wonderful scent she is wearing. 

He thinks of something to say, anything to say that would make him seem cool but he can’t seem to come up with anything. Please, he just needs something to impress you with, anything. 

“You like coffee then?” He asks, watching your face pull into a smile that has his heart melting. His phone rings in his back pocket and he knows it would be his father wondering where he was, but he can’t seem to care. 

He just wanted to make you smile. 

And I wake with your memory over me

That's a real fucking legacy, legacy (it was maroon)

And I wake with your memory over me

That's a real fucking legacy to leave

You wake up a couple months later to the sound of your class alarm, your heart racing as you lean up, tears still slipping down your cheeks from your dreams. Your daily routine doing nothing to stop the thoughts of him as you got ready. 

The scars reminded you of him, the songs and the oils and the sage. Everything reminded you of him, and if you had a day where he hadn’t snuck into your mind the world took it upon themselves to remind you of him. He was there, haunting you. 

You think back to the day he helped clean your vinyl collection of incense, talking to him about the dark energy that had led you to saging your apartment so many times. A bitter laugh creeps up your throat as you think how much you sage now, from the second you open your eyes to the second you fall asleep you cover yourself in Sage. 

No more messing around. 

You get dressed, limping to the living room of your new apartment where your roommate already stood. 

“You okay?” She asked every morning, and the answer never changed. 

“Fine.” You mumble, ignoring the look she gives you. 

Even dead he haunted you, and you couldn’t figure out how to move on. 

-

The hospital room smells like death, well at least to you. 

Peeking your eyes open, flinching from the light, as you try to look around the room and ignore the dark energy that surrounds it. 

“Y/n?” Your roommate calls, catching your attention to where she sat, leaning to check your forehead. “Hey, easy. It’s going to be okay.”

“Is he dead?” You ask, tears welling in your eyes as you watch her closely. 

“.......Yes.”

“Okay.” There isn’t much more to say after that, trying to keep contained as you turn to the wall in the room. “Okay..”

The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet (it was maroon)

The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home, so scarlet (it was maroon)

The news channels called you a final girl, and tweets showed that hundreds of men thought you were perfect final girl material as ironic as it is. But you always thought it was a laugh in the face. 

You follow Chad through the hall, ignoring the whispers around you as you listen to the trial update, hearing Gale Weathers testimony. She had survived, barely, and now told the world everyone's stories so they could go back to living their own lives. 

Not that you had much of a life since…..him. 

You found yourself staring at the evidence shown, the bloody shirt you had worn that night. The wine stain was barely seen now, the rest of the shirt dark red.

  You had to stop yourself from getting sick, remembering the night with Ethan dancing in that shirt. 

Nothing would ever be the same now. 

It was maroon

It was maroon

6 months after the trial you find yourself sitting on your living room floor with Taylor Swift blasting in your phone speaker as your friends did her own makeup a couple steps away, humming as you focused on your gemstones. 

“I cannot believe we are about to see Taylor Swift in person!” She smiles, and you can’t help but smile as well. 

“I hope she plays You Belong with me- hey- knockit off!” You laugh, turning to see her stealing your liner. 

When she snatches it you have to reach into your makeup bag, pulling out a picture of you and Ethan that you had shoved in there awhile ago. 

Your heart stops at the photo, staring at it for a second before shoving it back in, not quite ready to throw it out and not ready to enjoy the memory. Forever haunted. 

(I have been trying to find any sort of energy to post and get out of bed. Got so close to giving up on life itself and I'm barely back, please bare with me as I try to find my way out of my depression hole I have dug for myself everyone. I know it's been a minute but life has been kicking my ass. Be patient with me - Ultralight)

[kingdaddydaichi]

random hcs: k. akaashi (birthday) edition

mostly sfw. teensy weensy bit of nsfw utc (mdni!). even though i'm dedicating the whole month of december to my beloved daichi, i made sure to carve out some time for my kin and dec. 5th birthday boy, keiji akaashi.

Night Owl™️

Has anxiety and is lowkey depressed, but both are well-managed.

The sarcasm is strong with this one.

More of a reader, but fancies himself a writer from time to time (and he’s good at it).

Has written 2 or 3 long ass smut with angsty plot fics on AO3; angst/comfort and mutual pining are his most-used tags.

Writes poetry, but has never told anyone.

Narrows his eyes at you sometimes when you're talking, which makes you think he’s suspicious of you or that he doesn’t like you, but in reality he’s intrigued and fascinated by you. That’s why he keeps asking you hard questions.

Doesn’t use emojis.

Shamelessly pedantic; says "well actually" a lot.

Stares out of windows at rain; looks like he's daydreaming but is actually having hypothetical philosophical debates in his head or world-building an entire novel he'll probably never write.

A regular at Onigiri Miya (may or may not have a crush on Osamu 👀).

Listens to classical music while reading/editing; it helps him focus.

Took piano lessons as a kid but says he's horrible at it now (he really is); still, he can't help but tickle a few ivories every time he gets near a piano; likes the way the keys feel under his graceful fingers.

Hooks you the fuck up with manga. You know about shit that happens before it's even published. And you're sworn to secrecy, which you honor. It's way more fun to see people's reactions after keeping spoilers to yourself for weeks or longer.

Drinks his body weight in coffee every week an inordinate amount of coffee.

Owns an old ass typewriter and a floral silk writing robe.

HATES Grammarly; thinks people should just learn proper grammar, damn it.

Falls asleep with his glasses on sometimes. Lying together, you notice his breathing has evened out. His heart rate steadies you. And you look up at him to find his chin resting above your head with a book lying beneath his limp hand on his chest, rising and falling with grace.

Speaking of, something about him glows when he sleeps? like he has this angelic aura about him, i feel like? Idk. Subtle and so finely tuned that you can’t quite put your finger on it. It’s like an exquisite detail. Understated. Graceful, even, in that whatever it is doesn’t jump out at you; without moving, he holds sway without you knowing it. And you can’t quite figure out why you can’t seem to stay away from him for very long.

He is hard to describe. What you see is not what you get with keiji. There are worlds - universes even - inside of him that no one else will ever see or comprehend, but you will feel them. They’ll have you falling, rapt by his gravity. And, like gravity, he silently holds things together, pulling you in with his emerald eyes every time he narrows them.

You smile lovingly and reach for his readers, easing them off the tip of his nose where they’ve fallen in his sleep. He’d probably blush if he knew how かわいすぎ (super cute) he looks with his black, rectangle frames lying nearly sideways on his pretty face. But you don’t tell him about it. It’s a secret about him that even he doesn’t know that you keep all to yourself. He’d probably stop falling asleep with his glasses on if he knew and, well, you want him to fall asleep with his glasses on just so you can carefully pull them away from his face. You fold them and place them neatly on your nightstand because you don’t want to risk waking him up by climbing over him to set them on his side.

He, on the other hand, will gladly lean over you to reach for his glasses, put them on, then kiss you on your cheek before burying his nose against your neck and breathing you in. He’ll shamelessly snake an arm around you, his nimble fingers brushing your bare nipple. He knows what he’s doing. His hands are grifters. Copping feels and ghosting over you while his gravelly, naked chuckle vibrates against your bare back when you squirm and moan. Your body resonates, your skin sings with the touch of his fingertips like a tightly wound and pitch-perfect string.