#and does what is told by sophia to put a stop to this and my canon ending for carlo is

[deadupon]

carlo being a victim of his fathers carelessness and having the petrification disease kill him and his heart being torn from his body into a robot body, so do his thoughts, individually, personality, and memories from such a child bod. he was reborn into a shell of a weapon. only then if u finally fight carlos true robot body 'the nameless puppet' does his father disown him because this wasnt the carlo he remembered. another cruelty using his sons best friend as 'king of the puppets' to a cruel meeting and romeos final demise and so does carlos final attachment to the human world and taking back the necklace he gifted romeo that was originally from his father.

[charlvr]

- put your head on my shoulder

Pairing. Sophia Lafortezax Reader

w.c. 6.0 k

In the relentless rhythm of comeback season, Sophia is everything she’s supposed to be : composed, tireless, unshakably perfect. But when the cameras go dark and everything else falls away, it’s Y/N who stays.

The lights were always too bright.

Not in a way that hurt Sophia's eyes, not quite. She had long since trained herself not to squint, not to blink too much, to hold her gaze firm and open no matter how harsh the glare from the stage rigging or the camera flashes. But it still got into her head, the brightness. Not exactly painful but lingering. It crept into her thoughts and clung to her skin, made her feel hollowed out after long days of being seen, always seen.

She sat now on the floor of the practice room, her spine pressed flat to the mirrored wall. Her arms rested across bent knees, fingers loosely knotted. The air was thick with heat and humidity, faintly tinged with the chemical scent of old sweat and rosin. Her body hummed with the ache she knew too well: the pinch in her lower back, the dull, deep soreness blooming in her calves, the tense, knotted line running from one shoulder to the other no matter how often she tried to roll it out.

Around her, the other girls were scattered, their laughter filling the space like birdsong in spring. Lara and Daniela were bickering playfully over choreography counts. Megan was lying flat on the ground like a starfish, arms splayed dramatically. Manon scrolled through her phone, humming something under her breath. Y/N was recounting a funny story, while Yoonchae was giggling into her water bottle, legs swinging as she perched on a bench.

Sophia didn’t join in.

The rehearsal had taken more out of her than she liked to admit. Her legs had trembled, just slightly, when she’d pushed herself up from the floor. A faint, betraying quiver at the knees. But she’d ignored it, told herself it was nothing. Just the practice. Over six hours spent drilling the same eight counts until the moves lost their shape and her muscles gave up remembering them on their own. Her body was just tired, that was all. All the girls were tired. This was what it took to be good.

She told herself these things like they were mantras.

When the music started again, sharp and familiar like a knife she knew too well, she stepped into formation without hesitation. Her limbs obeyed without thought, muscle memory guiding her through the angles and pivots like machinery built into her bones. But her mind had drifted. Not fully, not dangerously. Just enough for a hum to start in the back of her skull. A low, pulsing rhythm that didn’t belong to the song.

It was a warning. One she knew to ignore.

She was slipping. Slowly, quietly. In ways no one was supposed to notice.

And they couldn’t. Not when they needed her. Especially now, with the comeback looming like a deadline written in permanent marker. Management had been relentless lately, as if each of them were raw material waiting to be reshaped. Slimmer silhouettes. Tighter formations. More engagement. Cleaner visuals. Always cleaner.

Yesterday, the teaser had gone live. A fifteen-second flash of perfection meant to sell everything they were. And like a fool, Sophia had scrolled through the comments.

"The group would be great if their leader smiled more." "She always looks like she’s trying too hard." "How is she one of the oldest and still not the best dancer?"

And then the ones that cut deeper, not aimed at her directly, but through her.

"Their maknae’s clearly better than her already." "Does she even lead them?"

She had deleted the app by morning. Thrown her phone face-down on the bed and stared at the ceiling until her chest stopped aching.

She had to be better. Had to be everything they needed her to be. So when the choreographer’s voice rang out again with a flat, familiar "Five, six, seven, eight," she jumped.

Too late. A heartbeat behind.

The disappointment in their trainer’s face was immediate. Not anger, not frustration. Just the subtle tightening of the jaw, the way the clipboard lowered slightly, the absence of praise.

"Reset. Again."

She didn’t dare to make another mistake.

Not for the next hour. Not ever again. Not a single missed beat, not a single misplaced hand.

But the way she locked her jaw every time the music restarted, the way her arms moved like they were made of steel wires, too taut, too precise: it wasn’t from the fluid grace they had once praised her for.

It was survival.

When practice finally ended, and the others filed out around her, chattering about dinner plans and shared showers and who had borrowed whose hairbrush, Sophia hung back. She pretended to check her water bottle, to tie her shoelaces. She smoothed her hair back even though no one else was watching, kept herself believably busy with the small things, until the room emptied.

Almost.

She turned, reaching automatically for her bag, and froze when she saw Y/N still standing in the doorway.

Her figure was silhouetted, one hand gripping the strap of her gym bag, the other holding the straps of Sophia’s. Her gaze was steady, not asking anything. Just waiting.

Sophia’s throat closed.

“You don’t have to—” she started, already regretting the sound of her voice, too rough, too revealing.

“I know.”

That was all.

Y/N didn’t move. Didn’t approach. Didn’t say anything else. Just stood there, quiet and patient, giving Sophia the choice to come or stay.

And somehow, it felt like the first time someone had given her a choice.

—

That night, in the dorm, Sophia barely made it past brushing her teeth before her hands began to shake.

She wrapped herself in a hoodie three sizes too big and padded into the living room on quiet feet, curling into the far corner of the couch. The lights were dim. A single lamp near the hallway cast a soft glow over the fabric, warm and golden, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Her legs tucked under her, she gripped the hem of the hoodie sleeves and pulled them over her fists.

The others were still in their rooms. Someone—Manon, maybe—was playing music behind a closed door, something soft and old, with a gentle rhythm and watery vocals. Laughter filtered out from Lara and Megan’s shared room, bright and sudden, then faded again.

Sophia closed her eyes. Tried to breathe. Remember her rhythm. But her chest was tight in that way it always got when everything caught up to her too fast.

It had started after practice.

The message from their choreography trainer had come through while she was still on the van ride home. Not cruel, just clipped. Clinical.

Still too tight in the transitions. Watch your timing. You're always half a beat behind.

She already knew. That had been the worst part. She had felt it in her body, the slight lag, the slippage between mind and motion. Felt it in her chest, everytime she tripped up. 

She didn’t respond back. Couldn’t scrape up the dignity to. 

At the dorm, she had barely stepped inside when one of the managers pulled her aside. Yoonchae had frozen up before they could film a quick promotional video: some silly, throwaway clip for social media, a trend they were meant to jump on with pre-made choreography and a one-liner about the new album.

“She’s just a little homesick,” the manager said, glancing toward the hallway, where the youngest had locked herself in the bathroom. “Can you fill in? Just this one.”

Sophia said yes. Of course she did. Even though she had vocal practice in twenty minutes and hadn’t eaten since noon. Even though her throat was raw and her feet burned. She smiled for the camera. Hit every mark. Said the right line. Laughed on cue.

Then, later, after scarfing half a protein bar and washing it down with room-temperature water from her tote bag, she got the message she had been looking forward to all day. A missed call from her mother. Just one ring before it stopped.

She tried calling back, but management had double-booked her again. A one-on-one dance session they hadn’t warned her about, followed immediately by a briefing for a skincare CF. When she pointed it out, the reply had been simple: Just be quick. The rep can wait five minutes if needed.

She had rushed through both. Fumbled a transition in the solo run-through. Missed a small but important note in the product script. The staffer’s face afterward had been polite, but something in their eyes told her she had slipped again. That there was something else to fix tomorrow.

Failure after failure after failure.

Now, her hands wouldn’t stop trembling.

She didn’t cry. She never cried. Not where anyone could see. But her jaw was clenched so tight her molars ached, and she stared blankly at the weave of the cushion beneath her fingers, trying to remember what it felt like to be a person. Not a brand, not a leader, not a checklist of deliverables and rehearsals. Just a person. A girl.

A shadow passed over her peripheral vision, causing her to blink, slow and sluggish, as a mug of warm tea appeared in front of her held by steady hands.

Sophia looked up.

Y/N stood over her, dressed in a faded university sweatshirt and pajama shorts. Her hair was still damp, curling softly at the ends like she had just gotten out of the shower. She didn’t say anything. Just held out the mug, both hands wrapped around it like it was something she had warmed herself with first.

Sophia reached for it slowly, and their fingers brushed. A light touch, but it sparked something beneath her skin, small and electric.

“Chamomile,” Y/N said, voice low, almost lost in the rustle of fabric “It’s supposed to help.”

Sophia’s gaze dropped to the mug, and then back to Y/N. The implication wasn’t loud, but it was clear. Her throat tightened. She curled her fingers around the warm ceramic as if it could anchor her.

“Thanks,” she murmured.

Y/N didn’t go far. Instead, she eased down beside Sophia, settling in without a sound, like she didn’t want to disturb whatever held the moment in place. Their knees touched, but neither of them shifted.

The tea was warm in Sophia’s hands. Steadying. The steam ghosted against her face, carrying the faint floral scent of chamomile and something sweeter she couldn’t name. She took a careful sip, then another, letting the quiet stretch out between them.

On the coffee table, a half-folded blanket sat beside a remote and a phone charger. The room had that lived-in feel, cozy in a way that only came when everyone else was tucked away in their own spaces. Behind the closed doors, the dorm buzzed gently with muffled voices, humming water pipes, and the distant click of someone typing.

Y/N leaned forward slightly and grabbed the remote. She didn’t ask before flicking on the TV, and the screen lit up with the familiar blue-white glow of the home screen. A few clicks, then a pause, and the opening bars of Mamma Mia floated into the air.

Sophia blinked. Her fingers curled a little tighter around the mug.

Of course.

It wasn’t a secret that the filipino loved the movie. The others teased her about it sometimes, when she insisted on watching it for the third time on a tour bus, mouthing the lines under her breath. But she never really talked about why. There was something in the messiness of it, the sunshine and absurdity, the way things still somehow ended up okay, that made it feel like a safety net.

She didn’t say anything. Just let the corners of her mouth lift, barely, as the camera panned across the sea and the first few lines of “I Have a Dream” played soft and familiar.

Y/N leaned back, one leg tucked under the other. Her head tilted against the couch cushion, gaze relaxed. “It was just on,” she said, offhand. “Figured it was better than scrolling.”

Sophia hummed quietly.

A few minutes passed. The tea was half gone now, the warmth from the mug slowly soaking into her palms, loosening something she hadn’t realized was clenched in her chest. Her body was tired in the deepest way, like the exhaustion had reached her bones, but she still sat upright, shoulders held in their practiced, unshakable posture.

The light above them buzzed faintly. Y/N shifted.

“Too bright,” she muttered, more to herself than anything. “I’m turning it off so I can see the screen better.”

She stood without waiting for a reply and crossed to the switch near the hallway. The room dimmed instantly, leaving just the flickering light of the TV to wash over them. Everything softened in its glow. The room felt smaller now, warmer, like a cocoon. Sophia blinked slowly, her eyes adjusting, the sudden absence of overhead light making the tight band behind her temples ease just a little.

Y/N returned without ceremony, but this time she brought one of the couch pillows with her. She sat down again, closer than before. The pillow ended up between them at first, but then she adjusted it, tucked it behind her back instead. The space narrowed.

“It’s kind of cold,” she said, as though that explained it. “It always gets drafty near the window.”

Sophia nodded, quiet. The words didn’t matter. She knew what Y/N was doing, even if they were both pretending not to notice.

She felt it when their shoulders brushed, then settled. When Y/N angled her body just slightly, so that her knee pressed more fully against Sophia’s thigh. When the slow pressure of a hand, gentle and unassuming, found its way to the small of her back.

It was barely a touch. More like a weightless presence, a loose curl of fingers that moved in lazy, rhythmic circles. But it steadied her. Like ballast. Like the pressure reminded her she was here, not performing, not holding everything together. 

Sophia didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to.

Her eyes drifted to the TV. Donna was arriving on the island, the screen a blur of colors and summer heat: sunlight in hair, singing at the top of lungs, a mother dancing barefoot on old floorboards.

Y/N’s scent curled around her. Something clean, a little citrusy, mixed with damp hair and the faint, lingering sweetness of body cream. And underneath it all, the same scent that had clung to the mug of tea—chamomile and warmth.

Sophia’s grip on the cup loosened. Her shoulders dropped, just slightly. The tension she had been holding for days, maybe longer, began to ease away. Her heartbeat slowed, and she let her head tilt. Just barely. Resting against the space between Y/N’s shoulder and collarbone. And when sleep came, uninvited but not unwelcome, it came gently. 

The mug, now empty, rested on the couch beside her.

—

Sophia didn’t mention the tea the next day.

She didn’t mention how she had drifted off to sleep in the living room, her head tilted softly onto Y/N’s shoulder, or how Y/N had stayed with her until the movie ended. She didn’t mention the gentle nudge that woke her, or the way Y/N had guided her to her bed with one hand resting lightly at the small of her back, no words, just presence.

She woke up still in her hoodie, her hands curled loosely like she had been holding something in her sleep even though she wasn’t.

The morning unfolded as it always did. The dorm was loud in its usual, comforting way. Megan wore mismatched socks again. Daniela argued cheerfully with Manon over who got to use the bathroom first. Lara braided Yoonchae’s hair from behind as she scrolled through her phone, never asking, just humming tunelessly. Y/N sipped her coffee in silence. 

That afternoon, they were called into the studio to record harmony layers for the bridge, each girl vanishing into the booth one at a time. Sophia had done this so many times it felt like breathing. She knew how to place her voice just behind the melody, to let it bloom then disappear.

When it was her turn, she adjusted the headphones and stood in the dim blue light.

The producer’s voice filtered in through the headset. “Give us that first harmony line, soft. Breathier. You know the mood.”

She did. Of course she did. The song had lived in her for weeks. It was all breath and ache and quiet yearning. Something that sat under the skin and stayed there. She sang it three times. Each take lighter than the last.

“Almost,” the producer said, not unkindly, “Give us something more fragile.”

Sophia closed her eyes and tried again.

This time, something shifted. Not her voice, that stayed even, trained and unwavering, but something inside her chest. Not a collapse. More like surrender. Like she had loosened her grip on whatever she was holding too tightly.

The silence in her headphones was longer than usual.

Then, “Good. That’s the one.”

She stepped out of the booth and back into the dim-lit studio. Manon offered her a banana with one hand while balancing a notebook in the other. Sophia took it silently and sat down.

Y/N was the last to record. She didn’t say much, just moved with easy familiarity, tying her hair back loosely and rolling her sleeves up to the elbows. She adjusted the mic herself, tested with a small hum, her fingers brushing the stand like she was tuning something delicate.

Sophia watched her through the glass. She wasn’t pretending to check notes or scroll on her phone. She just watched. The shape of Y/N’s mouth forming each note, the slight furrow in her brow when she focused, the way her body leaned into the sound without performing.

Their eyes met once. Only for a second. Y/N looked up and caught her gaze through the glass. Not long. Not deliberate. But it stayed with her anyway.

Later that evening, after dinner and cleanup and the slow settling of the dorm into quiet again, Sophia found herself in the laundry room, folding towels just for something to do with her hands.

The fluorescent light buzzed above her. The dryer clicked as it spun down to silence. She hadn’t turned on any music. There was a kind of comfort in the hush, even if it was edged with the kind of stillness that asked too many questions.

She was down to the last towel when Y/N stepped inside, holding something in her hands.

“You left this in the living room,” she said, lifting Sophia’s hoodie slightly.

Sophia took it with a nod. “Thanks.”

Y/N didn’t leave. She leaned against the dryer, arms crossed loosely, her face unreadable in that way she had: not guarded, just... unoffered.

Sophia folded the last towel with care. She didn’t rush. The silence stretched between them, not uncomfortable, but full. Then Sophia said it, quiet, barely louder than the sound of cotton being smoothed flat.

“Are you worried about the comeback?”

Y/N’s eyes flicked up to meet hers. There was no hesitation.

“Yeah. I mean, how could I not be?”

Sophia gave a small breath of a laugh. It wasn’t bitter. Just real.

“But,” Y/N continued, her voice steady, “I think we’ve got it. We’ve been working hard. And it shows.”

Sophia looked at Y/N. Really looked. The soft line of her jaw, the calm in her eyes, the way she stood with her weight on one leg like she wasn’t afraid of stillness. There was no rush in her posture. No urge to fill the space. Just stillness, held without apology.

Y/N didn’t say the right things. She was the right things. Quiet and solid and warm.

It was like she knew Sophia didn’t need reassurance. She didn’t need praise or comfort or someone to tell her to slow down. What she needed, what she had, was someone who saw her. Who knew how hard she had been holding everything together and still chose to say nothing, to stand with her without trying to fix it.

Sophia nodded once, then tucked the hoodie under her arm.

“I’m going to start another load,” she said.

Y/N gave her a small smile. “I’ll help.”

And that was it.

Just the two of them in a too-bright laundry room, folding towels and sorting laundry, shoulders occasionally bumping as they moved. Together.

—

Sophia couldn’t remember exactly when the dizziness started. Only that it was always there now.

Not sharp. Not dramatic. Just persistent. A slow, creeping tilt beneath her feet, like the floor had shifted by a single degree and never settled back.

It followed her.

In practice rooms where the mirrors sweated and the music pressed like a second heartbeat under her skin. At night, when the hum of the dorm was too quiet to soothe her and too loud to ignore. During interviews, when her smile was so precisely shaped it left her jaw sore long after the cameras stopped.

She carried it like she carried everything else. Silently.

The weight, the expectations, the invisible calculations she performed daily to keep the others steady. Who needed more rest. Who hadn’t eaten. Who was nearing a crack in their veneer. She made herself the buffer without thinking, because that was what leaders did.

She didn’t resent it. Not really. She had made peace with the truth early on: people depended on her, so she didn’t get to fall apart.

But lately… she was slipping.

Not in a way others could name. Not in ways that would alarm anyone.

Megan handed her extra water bottles during practice without making it a thing. Manon joked louder near her, like joy could be volume-controlled. Lara would squeeze her hand before shoots, firm and grounding. Even Daniela wordlessly draped her jacket over Sophia’s shoulders on days when the heat didn’t reach her.

They noticed.

But Y/N, she saw.

And that was harder.

Because Y/N didn’t hover. She didn’t fill silences. She didn’t treat Sophia like a role to be performed. She simply existed beside her, quiet and steady — a stillness that never demanded, only invited. A stillness Sophia found herself drawn to more often than she ever intended.

It began with the small things.

A neatly folded packet of ginger candies, slipped by her bag on the day her throat burned after too many hours pushing her voice. A soft tug on her sleeve at midnight when she was still watching rehearsal footage on loop, eyes heavy and red, the tug saying clearly: enough for tonight. A subtle redirect during an interview when Sophia paused, words briefly caught between thought and phrasing, and Y/N filled the space with something warm and natural, giving her just enough room to breathe without anyone noticing she’d needed it.

It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t romantic.

And maybe that’s what made it dangerous.

Because if Y/N had made it obvious — if she’d reached out with concern etched on her face and said, I know you’re tired. Let me help — then Sophia would have known what to do. She would have smiled and said, I’m fine, and built the wall back up.

But there was never a wall to build. No grand gesture to reject. Just quiet. And warmth. And the way Y/N’s hand might press briefly to her back as they passed in the hallway, grounding her like gravity. The way her voice softened when she said Sophia’s name. The way she never asked for space, but made enough of it for Sophia to step into when she couldn’t find her own.

And now, with every moment she leaned into that space, every time she let herself rest in it, even just for a breath, something twisted faintly in her chest.

Because Sophia knew what it meant to rely on someone. She’d spent her whole life making sure no one had to rely on her too much.

But here she was. Letting herself be seen. Letting herself rest in someone else's shade.

And it was getting harder to pretend it didn’t matter.

Harder still to admit how much it did.

—

The guilt didn’t arrive with a bang. It crept in softly, like a tide. Barely noticeable until her feet were already wet. Until it was too late.

It found her one afternoon, during a rare sliver of downtime. The studio had gone quiet. No shoots. No back-to-back rehearsals. Most of the girls had drifted off for bubble tea or sunlight in the back stairwell.

Sophia stayed behind, claiming she had emails to answer. She sat in the practice room with her laptop open in front of her, the cursor blinking on a half-written reply to their stylist. 

But she wasn’t answering emails. She was listening.

Y/N was just down the hall, her voice drifting through the slightly ajar door as she helped Yoonchae film a quick Q&A segment for socials. Light questions. Favorite snacks. Most-used emojis. Their laughter rang out, full and unguarded.

Sophia sat frozen, hands still, eyes on a screen she couldn’t see.

She didn’t want to be part of the moment. That wasn’t what hurt. What hurt was that she hadn’t even thought to be.

Y/N was always there. Always nearby. Never pressing. Never asking. Just quietly present, like a breath Sophia hadn’t noticed she was taking until the air got too thin. But that also meant that every quiet act of care — every mug of tea, every offered silence — came at a cost Sophia had never properly tallied.

And it made something bitter stir in her chest.

She closed the laptop and stood, suddenly needing air that wasn’t full of her own self-awareness. She grabbed her jacket and stepped outside the building, where the sky had gone faintly grey, spring light filtered through clouds.

She didn’t get far before she heard footsteps behind her.

“Skipping out on emails now?” Y/N’s voice was easy, teasing.

Sophia didn’t turn around. “Finished them.”

A pause. Then Y/N fell into step beside her.

They walked together for a while, not far. Just to the edge of the lot behind the studio where the pavement gave way to gravel and the smell of blooming grass lingered after the rain.

Sophia kept her arms folded. Not because she was cold.

Y/N said nothing for a few minutes. Just let the silence settle between them like breath. Then she nudged her shoulder lightly into Sophia’s. “You okay?”

It wasn’t intrusive. Wasn’t heavy. Just a thread cast out.

Sophia nodded, too quickly. “Yeah. Just needed a break.”

Another pause.

“Everyone does sometimes,” Y/N said.

Sophia didn’t answer.

She didn’t want to lie. She didn’t want to tell the truth.

Instead, she shifted her weight from one foot to the other and said, “You’re good at that. Showing up. For everyone.”

Y/N tilted her head, like she wasn’t sure if it was a compliment or a warning. “I try.”

Sophia hesitated. Then, too quiet: “I don’t want to take advantage of that.”

Y/N blinked. The wind lifted a strand of her hair, brushing it across her cheek. “You don’t.”

“But I could,” Sophia said. And then caught herself. “I mean, it’d be easy to. You don’t—”

She stopped. The words turned sour on her tongue.

Y/N didn’t press her. She just looked at her, really looked. The way she always did.

And it was too much.

Sophia turned her face away, jaw tense, eyes fixed on nothing. She said nothing. She couldn’t.

Then, quietly, Y/N stepped closer, not quite touching, but near enough that their shoulders almost brushed again.

“I don’t offer things I can’t afford to give,” Y/N said, voice steady. “So if I’m here, it’s because I want to be.”

Sophia’s throat tightened. Her hands disappeared deeper into her sleeves. 

The words were kind. Solid. True. And Sophia didn’t know if that made her feel better or worse.  

—

That night, Sophia laid awake. 

She laid still long after the others had gone quiet, her body aching in every way it could: knees stiff, back tight, chest sore from holding too much. Her body longed for rest, but her mind ticked forward like a second hand gone haywire. Like if she didn’t move soon, she’d fall behind on something even if nothing was scheduled.

She rolled onto her side, the sheets whispering against her skin.

Across the narrow stretch of their shared room, Y/N lay in her bed, a soft silhouette framed by the silver pull of moonlight. Her blanket rose and fell in quiet rhythm, and even asleep, she faced Sophia, always curled that way, always toward her. It wasn’t something they talked about. It just... was.

Sophia stared at the shape of the other girl and felt like a thief.

—

The next morning, the rain came.

It started during their second run-through of the choreo: light at first, barely more than a whisper on the high windows. Then harder. Louder. Wind pushing it sideways. The rehearsal studio dimmed as the gray outside swallowed the morning. The mirrors fogged around the edges, and their reflections blurred into pale ghosts.

Everyone was dragging.

Manon missed a cue. Daniela’s ankle rolled slightly on a pivot. Megan kept rubbing her thigh between counts.

Sophia picked up the slack.

She shouted louder. Counted harder. Caught the missed formations. Cleaned transitions that weren’t even hers to fix. Her voice cracked halfway through, but she kept going. Her shoulder pinched. Her right knee gave a little shake at the end of a turn. But she kept going.

She always did.

Until she couldn’t.

Near the end of the fourth full-out, her balance slipped. It was not a full stumble, just a flicker, a shift in her center that made her land a beat late. She caught herself before anyone could say anything. Hit the final pose like always. Chin up. Core tight. Smile in place.

But she saw it.

Y/N saw it too.

When the trainer called dismissal, Sophia waited. Let the noise surge.

Someone shouted about fried chicken. Another cheered for bubble tea. The team took a blurry group selfie, everyone sweaty and radiant and too loud for how tired they were.

Sophia smiled, like it didn’t cost her anything.

Then she slipped out.

Not far. Just the hallway outside, dim and humming with rain still against the windows. She pressed her back to the wall, the tile cold through her damp shirt. Her hand was curled into the hem of her tank like she could press the tremor out of her fingers. Her legs wouldn’t stop shaking. The ringing in her head got louder as she did her best to stay upright.

Don’t fall apart. Don’t fall apart.

Her breath hitched. Sharp. Shallow.

And then there was movement. 

Y/N. 

Towel looped over her neck. Face pink from exertion, knee darkening with the start of a bruise. She didn’t say anything. Just came close. Closer. Until their forehead touched.

Just that. Nothing more. And it almost broke Sophia completely. 

She clenched her jaw. Bit down on the inside of her cheek. Swallowed the sound building in her throat.

“You shouldn’t be here,” she whispered, her voice barely more than a scrape.

Y/N didn’t respond. Didn’t move. Just stood there, breathing in tandem.

“I can’t—” Sophia tried, then stopped. Her throat worked around the truth. “I can’t keep needing you like this.”

Still, nothing.

Sophia turned her face slightly away, eyes squeezed shut. “I don’t deserve it.”

This time, Y/N answered. Soft. Sure. “Why not?” 

Sophia blinked hard.

“Because I don’t give back the same way. I can’t. Because you’re always—” She broke off. Her breath came faster. “Because you’re always the one who catches me. And if I fall too hard, and you’re not there... I won’t know how to fix it. I won’t know how to be okay.”

Silence.

Sophia’s fists trembled at her sides. “I’m scared. I’m scared of letting you in too far. Of what it means. Of what it makes me.”

Y/N stayed quiet.

And that silence hurt — not because it was empty, but because it was patient. Because it meant she was still here.

Sophia looked at her, eyes glassy, throat raw. “I don’t even know what this is. It doesn’t feel like friendship. But it’s not just romance either. It feels... more. Somehow.”

Y/N reached out, brushing her fingertips along Sophia’s arm. Shoulder to elbow.

Sophia flinched. Not away. Inward. Like the contact struck something buried deep. But she didn’t move.

Y/N stepped closer. Slower this time. She leaned in, not to kiss, not to claim, not to fix. Just enough to press her lips to Sophia’s shoulder. A soft, fleeting touch on the edge of her damp sweatshirt.

Just enough to be real, to say: I hear you. I’m here. 

Sophia’s face crumpled. Her body sagged forward, surrendering inch by inch until her forehead found Y/N’s collarbone. Her whole frame shuddered once, then stilled.

Her hand reached blindly. Found Y/N’s. Their fingers tangled together, tight and desperate, a tether more than a hold.

“I don’t know how to do this,” Sophia whispered. “Not without ruining it.”

Y/N’s reply was soft, nearly lost in the fall of rain.

“Then don’t do it alone.”

Sophia trembled again. Once. Twice. 

And finally, finally, she let go. 

Not of Y/N.

Of the guilt. Of the fear. Of the weight she'd carried since the moment someone called her strong.

And in that small, rain-damp hush, they stayed.

—

Comeback week felt like a storm that never broke.

Everything happened faster now: call times, interviews, late-night rehearsals. Choreography on glossy floors that bruised their knees. Scripted soundbites. Smile for the camera. Blink. Breathe. Repeat.

Sophia moved through it like a machine.

Efficient. Composed. Dependable. 

Her voice stayed level. Her shoulders didn’t slump. She waited behind when the stylists needed last-minute fixes. She smiled, even when her chest pulled tight with exhaustion so deep she felt it in her teeth.

She didn’t complain.

Because this — the exhaustion, the discipline, the price — was the job. And she was good at it.

It was only in the silence after that Sophia ever felt the cost.

One afternoon, after an especially exhausting day, she sat on the practice room floor after the others had gone. The overhead lights were off, just the glow of her phone casting long shadows across the mirror. She hadn’t even taken off her shoes. She just sat with her knees drawn up, arms draped over them, as she stared into her reflection: Dim. Distant.

For the first time in what seemed forever, she let herself go. In this room, she didn’t need to hold herself upright for anyone else. She could just feel. All of it. The tremble in her fingers, the ache behind her eyes. The sinking pressure that didn’t quite have a name.

She didn’t hear the door open, but she knew who it was the second the silence shifted.

Like clockwork. Like a prayer. 

Sophia didn’t speak. Didn’t have to. 

And when Y/N reached over — slow, deliberate — and uncurled her hand from where it had been clenched into her hoodie, Sophia didn’t resist.

She simply let their fingers twine again. Familiar now. Sacred. And exhale. 

— 

Later, they would walk into the press event together, full makeup, styled hair, eyes bright like nothing ever tired them.

Sophia would smile with practiced ease. She would thank the interviewer, compliment the fans, lift Lara’s answer with a joke when the question got too deep. She’d stand in the middle of the group like she belonged there as if the foundation didn’t tremble beneath her feet.

And when it was over, when the cameras went off and the car doors shut behind them, she’d sit in the farthest seat in the van, head pressed to the window, and feel the ache return in silence.

But in the middle of it all, between the chaos and the pretense and the exhaustion so deep it hollowed her out, there would be that small moment from earlier.

The hum of the T.V. 

Y/N’s steady shoulder against hers.

The shape of breathing, shared.

Not a lifeline. Not a cure.

But proof.

That somewhere inside the exhaustion, she could fall. And that even if she did, Y/N would catch her.  

And that was enough.

—

was thinking about making this a hurt/no comfort piece, but then remembered that not everything has to be painful. sometimes, good things can simply be good. happy pride month, y'all. thank you for reading.

listen to. don't cry, put your head on my shoulder by tom odell

[spindle-girl]

Alec predicted Piggot, but not Sophia

How the PRT treats Sophia is something that used to be debated a fair amount a few years back when I was on other forums. Both in the canon scenario and potential what ifs that Wildbow answered to an extent. I don't think it's too hard to piece together if you're going back and looking for any mention of Sophia/Shadow Stalker, but it is spaced out between a bunch of different arcs and some of what Wildbow said got misquoted so I wanted to compile it all into one go.

Lots of quotes with explanations below, so the short of it is:

Alec wanted Sophia to keep quiet about the extent he controlled her for and guessed how Piggot would react in order to scare Sophia from speaking up. She didn't, but Alec turned out to be right. Piggot dropped her, Shadow Stalker no longer being worth it to keep around, and to sell that, she ensured Sophia was sent to jail where before she would have stayed as a member of the Wards. The biggest change for that being that she was compromised by Regent.

We know from 9.1 that Director Piggot believes her role as Director is ensure parahumans are integrated with regular people:

“You likely know Director Armstrong in Boston, how he tends to prioritize research and understanding parahumans. I concern myself with more concrete affairs. Public relations, parahumans as a part of America.”

At the end of 10.x, Alec's interlude where he controls Sophia up to the very end, he nails this attitude Piggot has and uses it to put doubt in Sophia's mind to stop her from telling someone and getting help:

“Here’s the thousand dollar question,” he mused, as he began following the steps outlined in the video, putting the knot together, “Will your boss tell your mom what happened with me controlling you?  If she keeps her mouth shut, well, this paints a pretty ugly picture, doesn’t it?” A tear rolled down his cheek.  He scoffed a little, blinked the tears out of her eyes. “But if she does tell, if she lets mommy know, then shit hits the fan.  It looks pretty fucking bad for her, and if word gets out, it’s as bad as it gets for public relations.  Scary, dangerous parahumans.  Not just lives at risk, but you could be controlled.  Ooooh, scary.  Nobody would ever be able to trust their coworkers or neighbors.  It’s the kind of stuff they want to keep quiet.”

Then, he threatens Sophia to keep quiet about him controlling her up to this point, telling her to sell the lie he told the other Undersiders, that he was going to let her go after walking her across the city, in order to keep the heat off him and maybe so his teammates don't find out he lied:

“I can feel your emotions.  I know I’ve convinced you.  You leave town, and if you don’t want me paying a visit, wherever you wind up, you keep your mouth closed about tonight.  They don’t need to know this was all my doing.  Things get messy that way, yeah?”

However, in later talks with Piggot (14.4, 16.3) we find that Sophia did tell her about him controlling her to threaten her mother and later herself with the suicide fake-out. Alec got it wrong. She trusted Piggot with that info, presumably hoping Piggot would get her mother to believe her story about being body-jacked when Alec used her to threaten her and maybe so that they'd go after Alec more seriously:

“The power has range.  I suspect the creator can stay miles away and still manage some control, but ventures closer for voyeuristic purposes or because it offers more control and faster response times.” “Much like Regent, hmm?” Tattletale paused.  “So you know that.” From the tone of the conversation, I would have expected a ��No, you just told me.‘, but Tattletale wouldn’t have done that.  More likely that her power confirmed her thoughts. “Shadow Stalker debriefed us. What do we know about this woman who controls-”

~14.4

“I don’t think so,” Director Piggot replied, turning to level a glare at him.  She looked almost feral, even as her voice was controlled.  “See, I know you might try to kill me if these others weren’t around.  But the others won’t let you.  There’s Regent too: little to no compunctions, as we saw with Shadow Stalker.” Her eye darted to Tattletale, then to Grue, and finally to me. “Do they know the full story?” the Director asked. “No,” Tattletale replied.  She sighed a little. “Tell us what?” I asked. “I’m interested, too,” Grue added. The Director only smiled.

~16.3

So Piggot knows, but Alec was right about her having to make a choice. Does Piggot tell Sophia's mother, letting her know that her child didn't really try and attack her, that her body was stolen and she couldn't do a thing but watch?

Nope!

“Because of what happened, because she was still reeling from the time she spent as your meat puppet, she attacked her mom, who called the authorities.  They caught up just in time to catch her in her room, electrical cord around her neck.  Cost Shadow Stalker her probation, meaning she got stuck in some parahuman detention center until she’s eighteen.  And word is her mom doesn’t want her back when she’s finished the three-year sentence.  Last straw and everything.  Her life, put on hold, her family shattered.  Maybe she was damaged like you said, but you took her captive and tormented her until she went off the deep end.”

~18.3

She takes the other route Alec laid out. She kept quiet and used the opportunity to get rid of a compromised, potentially PR-damaging tool. And I think that's the real reason why she got sent to juive, because we know from Weld in 10.3 that Piggot wanted to keep Sophia around before finding out she was compromised despite attacking Vista and that it was Weld pushing for something to be done:

“No. This is serious. You assaulted a team member. I’m not about to let that slide.” ... A few seconds passed before she finally asked, “What are you going to do?” “After these guys are securely in custody, we’re going to have words with the Director. She wants you on this team, for whatever reason, so I don’t expect your probation will be broken, but there’s going to be consequences.”

There is the matter of the text messages Alec sent to the school and the police that may have helped changed how Piggot reacted, but it's doubtful because why would either of those institutions care enough about a months-old bullying incident with the city in the state it was in to contact the PRT about it? Dragon didn't mention informing Piggot either when she found it in her interlude.

Also, Piggot already knows Sophia was bullying a fellow student at this point. Her "guardian" in 5.4 was sent by the PRT for the school meeting and Armsmaster talked about knowing the incident in 7.x, Miss Militia's interlude.

None of what Wildbow said out of text would counter this either:

It's hard to unseat a crook-turned-cape once they're on board, because then you run the risk that the public discovers you're bringing less than savory types on board. Besides, in the PRT's view, she was more or less playing ball. Getting therapy, using tranq darts, attending patrols (if alone), attending her track team, and going out to movies with her best friend. If something came up at school, it was generally seen as a bump in the road to recovery. This is why she was as pissed as she was over the meeting at the school where everything came up. It straight up overturned her act. In a calmer situation, if things hadn't gone shit-sideways, stuff would have gone through and things would have changed. Not enough, but they would have.​ If Taylor had pushed and pushed and pushed (or if Taylor had joined the team and made an issue of it), maybe something would have happened, but even then... what do you do? It goes back to the question of how problematic it is to get rid of troublesome recruits. Sophia stays on the team in an official capacity, makes appearances, but generally it's for show, and she isn't allowed to patrol anymore (at which point she gets restless and snaps, which the PRT may or may not anticipate, depending on what's on the table).​

Had Leviathan not shown up in Brockton Bay, the PRT would eventually address the bullying issue brought up in 5.4, but their efforts wouldn't amount to much. It's contrasted with the scenario of her getting benched, where that would only happen if Taylor kept making an issue of it for the PRT or if she joined the team, giving Piggot another Ward to use. So if the text messages were relevant enough to fall under "If Taylor had pushed and pushed and pushed", Sophia would either get benched, or accounting for Regent being able to control her, just get sent to another team in another city. It would not be her getting sent to jail.

What's more, Piggot didn't just keep it from Sophia's family. None of the heroes, Wards or Protectorate, know about it either (15.x, 18.3). They're under the impression that Sophia had a breakdown after being let go and went home and threatened her mother before trying to kill herself.

“I’m tired of losing people,” Vista said. “We lost Gallant. Aegis too, and Velocity, Dauntless, Battery…” “Yeah. And Shadow Stalker,” Triumph offered. “She left,” Clockblocker said. “I’d still consider her a casualty,” Triumph said. “We might not have liked her, but she was one of us, and the enemy basically took her from us.”

~15.x

“Our focus right now is you.  You, who drove Shadow Stalker into a corner, to the point where she flipped out on her mom and tried to hang herself with an electrical cord.”

~18.3

They also weren't aware of her using lethal ammunition, also shown in 18.3, so she wouldn't have been jailed for that either:

“She was a hero because the other choice was juvie,” I said.  “In the months leading up to our kidnapping her, she was using real crossbow bolts.  Shooting them at people, Grue included.  If I remember right, she wasn’t supposed to have or be using any lethal ammo, on penalty of jail time.” “Do you have evidence?” Miss Militia asked. “Would it matter?  Does it matter?  Judging by what I saw, in my limited interaction with her, she was pretty psychotic.  There’s no way you guys spent all that time with her without something crossing your radar.  The night we took her, I baited her out and she tried to cut my throat.” “I understand where you’re coming from,” Miss Militia said, “But again, I have to ask for evidence.  I can’t take you at your word, there’s procedures to be followed.”

Piggot knows it wasn't Sophia that attacked her mom, she is already aware of the bullying at school and a few more text messages wouldn't change that with the city in the state it's in, Weld is having to push Piggot to act on Sophia attacking Vista, and she doesn't know about the lethal ammo. She still sent her to jail.

None of the above mattered to Piggot in making that decision. What mattered was the bad PR. That word could get out if people thought Sophia had been hurt, rather than her doing the hurting. If word did get out, then civilians would see the PRT failing to capture Regent and it would hurt their authority. But by ensuring a parahuman who "snapped" was successfully sent to jail, it shows that the PRT is able to address any problems within it's purview. Becoming convict is another way to add doubt to Sophia's story and being stuck in jail would keep her from easily talking to others about it.

Sophia risked telling the truth about what happened to her, but she couldn't operate in Brockton Bay anymore. She was compromised. She was useless and potentially harmful to Piggot's goals, so Piggot got rid of her.

[kangshxrtie]

12 . mansion party (written)

after the mandatory pregame at matthew's house, your group piled into ricky's car and headed to the party.

"do i just go up there and say i know daniela?" you asked, the nerves creeping into your voice.

"i mean, yeah. she literally told you to do that," yunjin replied, shrugging like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"what if i just text her?" you said, already pulling out your phone.

"you could, but what are the chances she'll answer? since she is the host and all," ricky said, giving you a skeptical look.

"she answered," you said, cutting him off and unbuckling your seatbelt with a smug grin. "she's coming out to meet us."

"oh..." ricky trailed off, stepping out of the car, clearly impressed.

"that girl is so down bad," julie whispered, not very quietly, to the group.

"seriously," matthew agreed.

as you all approached the massive house, you couldn't help but take in the luxurious mansion. you scanned the crowd near the entrance, eventually spotting daniela looking around like a lost puppy. the moment she saw you, her face lit up, and she walked toward you like a magnet.

"go meet your girlfriend," ricky teased, giving you a playful nudge that made you glare at him.

"stop saying that," you hissed, but your feet were already moving. you met daniela halfway, and the bright smile she gave you made your stomach do an unexpected flip.

"hey, y/n," daniela greeted, her voice soft, almost shy. it threw you off for a second, shy was the last thing you'd expect from someone who owned a mansion and hosted massive parties.

"hi, daniela," you replied with a small smile.

"you can just call me dani. everyone does," she said, shrugging casually.

"okay, dani," you said, trying it out. the way her name rolled off your tongue made her cheeks turn pink. you noticed, and it took everything in you not to smirk.

daniela cleared her throat, trying to snap herself out of it. she handed out wristbands to everyone, specifically taking the time to help you put yours on. her fingers lingered on your wrist just a second longer than necessary, but you didn't mind.

"follow me. i'll give you a quick tour," she said, leading the way into the house. since you'd arrived early, mostly to avoid inconveniencing her later, it was the perfect opportunity to see the place before the crowd rolled in. you tried to convince yourself it wasn't just to spend more time with her.

"so, everyone's first five drinks are on me. after that, you gotta pay," daniela explained as she led you through the impressive space.

"that's fair," yunjin nodded.

"but," daniela added with a smirk, "weed is free all night for everyone."

"except you," she whispered in your ear, her breath warm against your skin. "you have free access to everything all night. i already let sophia know."

"you didn't have to do that," you said, feeling slightly flustered. "i can pay for my own drinks."

"and i want to make sure you're taken care of and having a good time," daniela said, her eyes locking onto yours. her tone was so sincere that you didn't know how to respond right away.

"well... thank you," you finally managed.

"anything for you," daniela said softly, her lips curling into a small smile.

"well we should get some drinks to get tonight started," yunjin said cutting off whatever was happening between you and daniela.

"i guess i should—" you started, but daniela cut you off.

"go. have fun," she said with a small smile. "just let me know if you need anything tonight. seriously. i'll make time."

your stomach fluttered at her words as you turned to join your friends. you couldn't help but glance back at daniela one last time before heading off. she was still standing there, watching you go, her smile soft but unmistakably confident.

once daniela was out of sight, belle immediately started hitting your shoulder, freaking out for you at the interaction.

"you like her," belle accused, eyes wide with a mischievous grin.

"what?" you said.

"she was staring at you the entire time she showed us around," matthew jumped in.

"really?" you asked, your voice coming out a little too eager.

"yes, really," matthew replied, rolling his eyes. "it was so obvious. i'm almost certain she forgot we existed for a while."

"she definitely did," julie chimed in, smirking knowingly. "the whole tour felt like it was for you. i swear she didn't even glance at us when she was explaining stuff."

"stop," you said, shaking your head in denial. "all of that did not happen."

"didn't happen? babe, we were literally there," belle shot back, giving you a pointed look. "that girl is already down bad for you. she was practically flirting the entire time."

you groaned, covering your face with your hands. "you guys are so annoying."

"so, who's making the first move tonight? you or her?" yunjin teased, slinging an arm around your shoulder as the group moved toward the bar.

"neither," you replied firmly, shaking your head. "i just met her. i'm not rushing anything."

"okay, but hear me out," ricky said, leaning casually against the bar counter. "if she's already doing this much to impress you after, what, one week? imagine how much she'll step it up if you give in just a little."

"that's true," julie agreed, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "she's already hosting a whole ass party just to have an excuse to see you."

"that's not even true," you said quickly, though your racing heart begged to differ.

"she didn't have to host this party," matthew said smugly, clearly enjoying your flustered reaction. "but she did. and we all see why."

you exhaled, "look, i'm just gonna see how tonight goes. i'll think about the rest later."

"that's fair," belle said with a shrug. "it's best not to make decisions like these when you're fucked up."

"exactly," you agreed, leaning on the bar counter as you waited for sophia to finish up with the others' orders. "now we get fucked up."

since it was a mansion party it was a little more fancy and so instead of the usual beer cans and seltzers, sophia was making cocktails and it took more time than usual.

"sophia!" you greeted as she finally came over.

"i was threatened to give you free drinks tonight," sophia said with a grin.

"i told her she didn't have to do that," daniela's voice rang in your mind, and you fought back a smile.

"i would've done it for you guys anyway," sophia continued, sliding drinks across the bar. "but hey, i'm not saying no to getting paid extra."

"to sophia being a real one," belle declared, raising her glass.

"we love her," you added, clinking your glass with hers.

later on, a couple of drinks in, you hadn't really seen daniela since earlier. instead, you'd run into yoonchae and megan, who complimented your outfit and hyped you up before taking some shots with you. eventually, you found your way to lara's dj booth, like usual. you hung out there for a while, chatting and delivering drinks to lara in exchange for song requests.

between the music, the drinks in your system, and probably the secondhand high that you were experiencing, you started to feel more at ease, just going with the vibe. that's when you decided to wander away from the dj booth, weaving through the crowd until you ran into manon.

"hey, manon," you slurred slightly, sidling up to her.

"i've been looking for you," manon said, giving you a playful look. "dani wouldn't let me come over to greet you with her."

"well, you found me," you said with a shrug, leaning against her for a moment.

"so, about that dance?" she teased, raising an eyebrow.

"saved it just for you," you replied with a grin.

the two of you moved to the beat of the music, feeling the alcohol take over your bodies, and losing yourselves in the moment. as you and manon have done this many times there was no awkwardness, just you and manon laughing and dancing through a couple of songs.

that was, until someone slipped between the two of you, causing you and manon to step apart slightly.

"can i cut in?" daniela asked smoothly, her voice soft but confident as she slid into the space between you.

"all yours," manon said with a knowing smirk, backing away as she gestured for daniela to take her spot.

you felt your heart skip a beat as daniela turned to you, a playful smile tugging at her lips. "mind if i steal you for a bit?"

"not at all," you responded.

"i can't leave you alone, apparently," daniela teased as she leaned closer to be heard over the music. "every time i turn around, someone else is getting your attention."

"jealous already?" you shot back, the alcohol letting you flirt back without overthinking it.

"maybe," she admitted, her hand brushing yours as she spoke. "i don't know why you're worried about me when apparently you're the one with hoes."

"not hoes... just a little competition" you joked.

"competition, huh?" daniela chuckled, her tone playful as she raised an eyebrow at you. "looks like i'll have to try harder."

you couldn't help but laugh, "just letting you know i'm not that easy."

"trust me," she said, "i'm not worried."

before you could respond, she gently took your hand, pulling you closer as the beat of the music shifted into something slower and more intimate. the sudden closeness made your breath hitch, and you were hyper-aware of her presence.

"you good with this?" daniela asked softly, her dark eyes searching yours, waiting for a sign.

"yeah," you said, nodding as you let her lead. your hands naturally rested on her shoulders, hers finding your waist. the two of you swayed to the rhythm, forgetting about the rest of the party.

"you look really good tonight," she said after a moment, her low voice becoming softer as she held your gaze, "i mean, you always do, but... yeah."

"thanks. you don't look too bad yourself," you replied, a small smile playing on your lips.

the two of you danced through another song, the tension between you shifting from nervous to comfortable. every glance, every touch, felt intentional, like you were both testing the waters on where this was going.

"can i tell you something?" daniela asked.

"of course," you said.

"i wasn't kidding earlier when i said i wanted to make sure you had a good time tonight," she admitted, her gaze dropping to your hands still resting on her shoulders. "i was hoping i'd be less busy so we could get to know each other, but that didn't turn out like i wanted it to. i just really wanted to get to know you more and i didn't know how else to do that other than a party."

her honesty caught you off guard, but it also made your chest feel warm, like your stomach was doing little flips. "i'm not gonna lie," you replied, meeting her eyes again. "i don't know if i'm just a little fucked up right now, but i'm willing to try this out."

daniela's smile widened, a mix of relief and excitement. "well, how about we get out of here for a bit? not leave the party, just... somewhere quieter."

"lead the way," you said, letting her take your hand again.

she guided you through the crowd, weaving past groups of people until you reached the back patio. the night air was cool and refreshing, a stark contrast to the heat of the party inside. a few groups lingered outside, but it was quiet enough to finally hear yourself think.

"better?" daniela asked, leaning against the railing as she looked at you.

"much," you said, taking a deep breath and stepping closer. "i don't have to scream to talk anymore."

"that's true," daniela said with a chuckle. "i've been waiting all night for some one-on-one time with you."

"i bet you were," you said, your confidence growing as the tension between you thickened.

for a moment, neither of you spoke. you could barely hear the music from inside now and the only thing you could focus on was the way daniela looked at you like you were the only person she saw in the room. finally, she broke the silence.

"so... what are you thinking about right now?" she asked, her tone light but curious.

you hesitated, your heart racing as you debated how honest you wanted to be. but something about the way she looked at you made you feel like you wanted to spill out all of your feelings.

"you're just like really pretty and i like the way you look at me," you said finally, the words tumbling out before you could second-guess them. "i also like being near you, you feel comforting to me."

daniela's expression softened, "good," she said after a moment, her voice barely above a whisper. "that means i'm doing something right."

before either of you could say more, the sound of someone clearing their throat broke the moment. you both turned to see matthew standing a few feet away, smirking like he'd just caught you doing something scandalous.

"sorry to interrupt," he said, his tone making it clear he wasn't sorry at all. "but we were wondering where you disappeared to. didn't think i'd find you out here having that kind of moment."

daniela chuckled, shaking her head. "i knew i messed up showing y'all the balcony."

"you're lucky it was me and not yunjin," matthew quipped, shooting you a knowing look. "but belle sent me to find you because, uh, she's doing a keg stand."

"belle?" your eyes widened, and you immediately stepped forward because you had to see this.

grinning, you grabbed daniela's hand and pulled her along without hesitation. she didn't protest, her fingers tightening around yours happy that you included her in this.

matthew guided you through the crowd, weaving through the party until you reached the keg station. your group was gathered there, cheering loudly, with belle front and center, looking far too excited to be sober.

"y/n! you're here!" belle exclaimed, bouncing slightly when she saw you.

"of course i'm here," you said, laughing. "i was not about to miss this."

her gaze shifted to daniela, "and you brought dani? i'm so proud of you!" she declared, looking like she might cry for whatever reason.

"you really are drunk," you muttered, rolling your eyes, but you couldn't help the small smile tugging at your lips.

"yall know i get emotiona when i'm drunkl!" belle exclaimed, "you're out here pulling bitches, and i just-i'm so proud. my baby's all grown up."

"we're the same age," you said, trying to wave her off. daniela just chuckled softly next to you.

"okay, okay," belle said, shaking her head like she was pulling herself together and focused on the keg once again.

ricky and matthew stepped in, helping belle into a handstand, their laughter blending with the cheers of everyone around. the crowd started counting loudly as belle began chugging.

"i'm surprised she's lasting this long, she hates beer," julie said, her arms crossed as she watched with a mix of amusement and disbelief.

"she's drunk enough to forget that right now," yunjin added, holding up her phone to record.

belle somehow made it to thirty seconds, and the group erupted into louder cheers.

somewhere in that time, daniela's hand found its way to your waist, her touch gentle but firm. you glanced at her, but she didn't say anything, her focus shifting between belle and you, as if she wanted to make sure you stayed close.

belle lasted an impressive full minute before she tapped and ricky and matthew finally helped her down. she stumbled slightly and the group quickly steadied her, as she wiped her mouth.

"who let me do that?" belle groaned dramatically, her face scrunching in disgust. "i hate beer!"

"we tried to stop you," yunjin pointed out, still recording as belle leaned against julie for support. "but apparently you're a grown adult and can make your own decisions."

"still? you should've tried harder," belle muttered.

daniela leaned closer to you, her voice low and teasing. "your friends are crazy."

“yeah��� but I need you to know I’m just like that when I get drunk enough,” you said, laughing lightly.

“i’d like to see that,” daniela teased, her gaze lingering on you.

before you could respond, julie chimed in, her voice cutting through the conversation. “i think we need to call it now before belle starts dancing on tables with matthew.”

“that’s probably a good idea,” you agreed, glancing over to where matthew and yunjin had disappeared. you had no clue where those two were off to, but you definitely didn’t trust them drunk and unsupervised.

luckily, belle was still hanging onto julie for dear life, which meant she wasn’t joining in whatever chaos matthew and yunjin were stirring up.

“i’d love to stay, but i’ve got to make sure my friends make it home,” you said, turning to daniela with a small smile.

daniela’s lips quirked up in a soft smirk as she pulled you into a hug. “we just have to go on a real date now,” she said, her voice low and teasing in your ear.

“go be a good host now,” you replied as you pulled back slightly, but daniela’s arms stayed wrapped around your waist, and your arms lingered around her shoulders.

“to be a good host, i’m going to walk you all to your car,” daniela said with a shrug, her smile never wavering.

“oh, will you?” you teased, raising a brow at her.

“just to make sure everybody gets home safe,” she added, finally loosening her hold on you.

“well, i gotta say, i’m liking this treatment,” you said.

“as my future girl you’ll get this kind of treatment at every party,” daniela shot back smoothly.

“who says we’ll even be dating by your next party?” you teased, glancing at her over your shoulder.

“when will it be, by the way?”

“well, i was thinking toward the end of the month, or maybe the beginning of next month,” daniela said casually.

“crazy, i thought you’d be doing a halloween party,” you said with a laugh.

“that was the plan,” daniela admitted. “but i just had this sudden inspiration to throw more parties.”

“oh, i’m glad you did because i love your parties,” you said genuinely.

“i’m glad you do,” daniela replied, her eyes soft as she looked at you.

while you were searching for matthew, daniela got pulled into handling some host duties, which meant the two of you had to be separated. meanwhile, ricky took julie and belle with him, splitting up to look for matthew and yunjin, definitely thinking you were more sober than you actually were. so, you were left to wander mostly on your own.

you eventually found matthew, and of course, he was on top of a table with yunjin, both of them going full-out to crank that. you were beckoned up to join them, and you did because why not, you couldn’t help but laugh as you danced with them. that is, until daniela and ricky appeared, and you were instantly reminded of the whole reason you were even there.

“matthew and yunjin, get down!” you shouted, trying to sound authoritative despite your tipsy state.

“but this is where i belong!” matthew protested dramatically, giving you a grin that was pure mischief.

“you belong in the car, because we’re going home,” you retorted, crossing your arms.

“i could’ve been superman,” matthew said, getting into position as if he was about to jump off the table in a ridiculous superman pose. fortunately, ricky was behind you, catching matthew just before he could do something stupid.

“you too, yunjin!” you called, helping her down.

after successfully wrangling them out of their impromptu performance, you started guiding everyone toward the exit. of course, it took at least ten minutes to leave the house because distractions were endless, mainly people trying to say their goodbyes to you.

eventually, you made it down the street and into the car, with ricky and daniela helping you shepherd everyone into the vehicle. ricky gave daniela a quick thank you as he slid into the driver’s seat, and you realized, since you hadn’t had much to drink after hanging out with daniela, you were starting to sober up and could finally do the whole “goodbye” thing properly.

“goodbye for real this time,” you said as you turned to daniela, your voice soft, though there was a lingering smile on your lips.

“i’m really glad we spent time together tonight, even if it was short,” daniela replied, her voice warm.

“text me when you get home,” you said, giving her a small, meaningful look.

daniela pouted, teasing, “i’m supposed to tell you that.”

“you right,” you said, laughing lightly. “i will most likely already be asleep by the time you get home, so i’ll text you instead.”

with that, you pulled her in for a tight, lingering hug, holding her close for a moment longer than you expected.

“take care, y/n,” daniela said softly into your ear as you pulled away, her fingers brushing lightly across your back.

“you too, dani,” you replied, your smile a little wider now.

you got into the passenger side of ricky’s car and he started the car and pulled away. luckily the rest of the group was too tired to even tease you about your interaction, but you were fine with dealing with that in the morning.

BACK | MAIN | NEXT

TAGLIST 🪩 @saysirhc @wintersgff @sixflame438 @1luvkarina @ihrtantn @yeetaberry127 @urmom2314 @vrtualstar @sed7ction @inybits @ellezra @meganskiendielsbtc @firstclassjaylee @modanisgf @kristalag

[dakotalun]

What Now? | Eddie Munson

pairing: Eddie Munson X Fem Reader

summary: You just got broken up with and you can only think of one place to go.

warnings: none, just some fluffy Eddie moments :)

word count: 1k

a/n: Shit it's been a while. Anyways back to it!

*******NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS*******

Everything was going okay recently, not many nightmares and the ones I did have weren’t too bad. Until…

“What?” The confusion is evident on my face and in my voice.

“I just don’t think we’ll work out. I’m sorry,” Jamie’s head is down and their eyes are looking everywhere but at me.

“What did I do?”

“Nothing! Nothing at all, it’s me.”

I scoff, “Pfft. Okay sure,” I roll my eyes at their words, “Like every other time people say that line.”

“I’m being serious, love. I love you, I really do but there’s shit that I need to figure out-”

“Then we figure it out together! That’s what it means to be in a committed relationship!”

“I just- I feel like having a partner right now is not helping,” Their voice is distant and soft now.

“I get it. I’m too much, too clingy, too needy, too…everything,” The words sting my throat and tongue as they leave but it’s the truth, it’s what they all mean when they break it off with me.

“Not at all! You’re perfect, in every way, shape, and form. Seriously, it's me. I’m going through shit that I feel like would break us if I kept lying about it to you.”

“So this has been going on for a while?” I see their face change for a second then go back to sadness.

“Yeah, it has. But I thought it was nothing-”

“How long?”

“What?” Now it’s their turn to be confused.

“How long have you known and been going through this?” My face is steel and I show no emotion.

“Since Lolla.”

Lollapalooza was in August, it’s November. They’ve known this and not said anything for 3 months! Lying to me about everything for so long and I had no idea. I don’t even know how to feel right now. I begin to grab my bag and stuff my shit in it before getting up off their bed.

"Y/N," They reach for my hand to stop me from leaving.

I pull away before they can touch me, "Don't. I- I need space," I leave their room and head for the front door, looking back at the fuzzy orange cat lying on the back of the chair as he always does for the last time. 

"Bye Cheerio," I twist the knob and walk out of the apartment I had felt so welcome in before. 

I can hear the thunder once in the elevator, realizing that I can't return home because I promised Robin the apartment, assuming I'd be with Jamie all night. I try to think of who else I could stay with tonight.

Chrissy maybe? No, she’s at Jason’s place for the weekend. Oh, Nancy should be free right? I reach for my phone to text Nancy but see a Google Calendar notification on the screen.

Nancy Double Date with Johnathan and Roomie! Damn, I guess she’s out too. Maybe Robin would understand me coming home tonight, if I told them what happened? 

As I think about what to do and where to go, rain starts to pour down, soaking through the loose shirt I had put on. 

Why does this keep happening to me? How do I always end up in the rain with no place to go? I think back to last summer when Kris, Sophia, and I got into it and my brother’s friend had to come rescue me from myself and the rain. I laugh at the thought that this is just going to be my normal from now on.

As I walk, my feet autonomously begin to head to the only other person whom I trust and who might be able to help. I don’t even realize where I’m going until I’m standing in front of the building, not under the protection of the awning even though it’s only 3 feet in front of me.

I take a deep breath before stepping forward and deciding this really is the only option I have left. I’m thankful for the covering once I’m actually under it. I dial apartment 203 and wait for the voice of my best friend to spread through the old speaker.

"Hello?" His voice is low and gravelly; he must have just woken up.

"Eddie, It’s Y/N. Can I come up? I-" I sniffle and before I can continue I hear the lock moving and the door unlock so I can enter. I didn’t even realize I had been crying until then.

I quickly open the door and make my way through the small maze to get to his place on the second floor. I can feel my wet socks and the weight of my bag has risen tremendously since I left Jamie’s. I'm gonna need to check and make sure my computer is okay once I get inside his place.

Soon I reach his door and he's standing there against the frame, in a tshirt and sweats, his signature look. The expression on his face is one of concern and fear. Something I’m all too familiar with.

"Hey," My voice is weak and not at all how he normally hears it. I’ve never cried in front of him and we’ve been friends for over a year now, strange.

"Shit, Y/N you're soaked! Get the fuck in here," He moves out the way and closes the door behind me as I walk into his living room, making sure to take off my shoes before going onto the carpet.

He comes back with a towel and wraps it around me after taking my bag and setting it at my feet. I mumble a thank you before taking a seat at the edge of his couch, completely on the other side from where he normally sits.

To my surprise he sits next to me and rubs my back, comforting me and drying me at the same time. We sit there in silence for a few minutes. I'm tired and not in the mood to fully explain what happened yet, so neither of us speak until I realize I should probably tell him why I came to his place so late and without warning.

Taglist: @ali-r3n @dixontardis @witchwolflea @micheledawn1975 @daydreaming-mood @idfwfeelings @adaydreamaway08 @preciousbumplingbee @rustboxstarr @plk-18 @teary-eyed-egg @needylilgal022 @exploding-bonbon @gagasbee @eddiemunsonsguitarpic @aol19 @thatwitchyoucouldntburn @meanlilbean @sonnyahngel @corrodedcass @pigwidgeonxo @marsmunson86 @lottie-90 @figmentofquinn @sareim123122 @eddies-puppet @gvf23 @kennedy-brooke @rocklees-wife @emma77645 @cherris-n-peaches @breehumbles @joequinn-love @anyoddthoughts @aysheashea @eddiesskittle @uncxmfxrtablex @cherrymedicine13 @mrsjellymunson @shotgunhallelujah @bambipowerblueaddition @hexqueensupreme @josephquinnsfreckles @harrysgothicbitch @paleidiot @smurfflynn @lilyungpeanut @selena-rocker27

[danvazini]

I’LL LOVE YOU TILL THE DAY THAT I DIE —

“have you ever lost someone you’ve loved and cared with your entire being without them ever being your lover?” the redhead asked her therapist, and the raven haired woman just stared at her.

now playing : Birds Of A Feather by Billie Eilish

(📓) angst , main character deaths, suicide, heartbreak, depression, grief, some comfort?, starving mentions, lara stops taking care of herself, depression, guardian angel mention, manon visits lara a lot in her dreams, college au, lara goes to manon’s grave a lot, non idol au, lara never gets closure after manon’s death, also lwk karina from aespa as lara’s therapist , established relationship (best friends), no one gets a happy ending.

(💚) i haven’t written for my babies in a while so heres a little marz angst since they haven’t got one in agesssss. of course, i literally don’t wish this type of pain on anyone, not even my worse enemy (i actually would). as stated this does contain a lot of heavy topics, so if you cant read this one then you can always find a light hearted fic somewhere on my page, and be sure to take care of yourself.

previous katseye works

word count : 5.8k

—

it was almost midnight, on a cold and rainy night when lara was making her way back to her dorm room which she shared with one of her friends, when she walked in her roommate was gone which was expected becaue she worked till later in the night.

while she was showering, her phone rang. she stopped her shower for a bit, to answer it. she heard a friend on the other end hysterical, she was crying, basically screaming down the phone. lara was able to calm the girl before she told her what happened.

upon hearing this information laa's body just froze up, she didn't know what to do. her friend on the other end, sophia, was calling out to her despite not being able to form anything herself. lara just told her "thank you for telling me" before hanging up, she couldn't even put on anything.

despite not being changed, the indian woman laid in her bed, crying as her reality sunk in further as the moments passed on. she had just recieved the most gut wrenching call of a lifetime, one she prayed she'd never have to get. she didn't know what to do, she felt so empty so fast, like a half of her died.

"the signs were there though" lara read the messages people were leaving on her phone, it sounded so insensitive. she turned her phone off, laying on he back, sniffiling, "we swore to never leave each other" she whispered.

lara sighed, her head was pounding from how much she cried. she stayed in her room that night, her roommate coming home to no sign of lara aside from her car outside. the house was quiet, the ginger would walk upstairs, and knock on lara's door.

"hey..? are you okay?" megan didn't want to just intrude, but she was worried. she heard lara faintly reply, "yeah", which she just assumed was her being tired so she went off with her night. but something in the air continued to mess with her.

megan finally powered on her phone and saw she had 40 missed calls from daniela. see, it wasn't out of the norm for daniela to contact megan but the two weren't known to interact much outside of work but they attened the same university but here she was calling her, and 40 times was alot.

megan called the blonde woman back, assuming that it'd be daniela explaining why she needed megan to cover the rest of her shift and well, it was that but not exactly what megan thought to hear.

"megan?" she could hear daniela's choked up from the other line, "yeah? what happened?" megan asked upon hearing the blonde's voice. "it's about manon." daniela got out, making megan's heart drop.

okay let’s wait, first let's give some backstory on them, this friend group and who manon is. the group consists of six different girls, who all have somewhat different personalities, but somehow they seem click together well.

they all met in university aside from the youngest, yoonchae. yoonchae was really close with megan, due to them going to the same high school. the ginger introduced the brown haired girl to the others, she clinged to sophia the fastest due to their personalities, being so similar and them sharing the same habits.

the group was literally inseparable. honestly, anyone who saw them knew they were such a close friend group. everyone basically had a role, manon was the oldest of all the girls so she'd kinda be the "mom" while sophia was the leader because she always knew what to do in almost every situation.

and of course the other four girls had their roles in the group and it all just fit so perfectly. so where did it all go wrong? what was so bad about this night that sophia and daniela were blowing down lara and megan's phones?

what did the pair hear that made them so sick and numb? well, let's start off with yesterday. daniela and manon had been rooming together for a while and so they did their mornings routines together. for the last week easy, manon had been feeling down.

daniela could feel how heavy manon's energy was, it made her feel terrible herself. that morning daniela woke her up when she got up and took the swiss woman with her to the bathroom. "wake up you big baby" daniela tapped manon, pulling her attention away from the wall she stared at while she spaced out.

it was about that time of the year, manon had been experincing this for so long that she would just let it happen and wait for it to pass but daniela couldn't let that happen. the blonde had plans with the ginger woman, but she decided to bring manon along.

"ughh i wanna stay home" manon mumbled while daniela handed her some shoes, "no you're coming out and lara's gonna be there" which almost sparked something in manon, she really loved lara, and i mean loved.

see, manon had a much deeper bond with lara compred to the other girls, they connected on deeper levels compared to what they would with their dormmates. manon basically beat daniela to her car, and they drove over to megan's house.

when they arrived, lara was the one to open the door and running to manon and pulling her into a tight hug. they both giggled at the impact because they basically ran into each other, lara picking manon up with ease.

daniela walked inside of the house, seeing megan was in the back, somewhere in the backyard. "hey meg" the blonde said, appearing behind her. megan was crouched over, doing something, but daniela didn't question it.

it seemed megan was always up to something new. literally seeing her just doing shit was the most normal thing ever. it wasn't outside of her personality really. daniela went and set her stuff inside of the house before coming back with megan.

lara and manon were in the living room, this time just cuddling one another. it felt like time stopped everytime those two were together. their lives always felt like the were moving too fast, their brains were always thinking and they literally could never rest.

when they were together though? it felt like a paradise, no stress, no worries, they just felt like they're floating. you may think though, all the girls are around the same age, or about the same age, and so they all should have somewhat of a more equal experience level and they all should connect on such a deep level.

and that's right, they actually do, together. but manon had feeling for lara, she loved the redhead so much it would literally hurt her and she hated when she was feeling down because that meant she wouldn't be 100 around lara but the indian woman's energy always brought her back.

"i don't know were i'd be without you" lara whispered against manon's chest, and manon chuckled, "i think i know where i'd be" and lara perked up, "where?" and manon just shook her head, "it's okay", dismissing the entire ordeal but it made lara think.

she sat up completely, "manon, you know i love you, right?" and the brunette' eyebrows furrowed, "yeah..? why, what's going on?" and lara held her hands, looking at her, "i'm worried about you, why did you say that?"

and manon swallowed, "i just, haven't been 100 recently and today you made me feel better" and lara felt a rush of relief come over her, and smilling before kissing manon. "i'm happy i did that for you"

lara pulled the brunette back to her side, this time manon's head was restin on lara's shoulder, while she flicked through random things until megan and daniela cameback from outside doing who knows what to be honest.

some time passed before the latina and chinese women came through the door, "okayy let's go" you can hear megan say as they walked into the main room, where lara and manon were. the pair got up and made their way out with the other two, megan gave lara her keys and she rode with daniela.

but instead of going to the location, lara drove her and manon to a mountain peak. once they made it there, the pair got out of the car and went to sit somewhere random. something was in the air, manon felt like confessing right then and there —

something stopped her though, but the rehead could feel she wanted to say something. "did you wanna say something?" lara softly asked, her voice was always so light it warmed manon's heart everytime she heard it, "uhm, no....??" manon said, questioning herself while answering lara.

the indian woman couldn't bring herself to force manon to speak, so she left it alone despite how much the brunette would try, "i just wish you were able to read my mind" manon sighed out, making lara look back at her, "maybe just let me inside your mind, i might be able to find what you're trying to say."

and manon gave her a tight lip smile, and lara just chuckled before looking off. the pair sat in silence before the indian's phone chimed, she opened the message and seeing it was from daniela, "where did you two runoff to now?" and lara replied, "somewhere in the mountains" —

it all felt so right, that day her and manon were happy, so what happened within those two days that she just gave up? manon was known to miss alot of days of their classes, honestly it worried everyone that knew her. she'd disappeare for days at a time then she'd randomly come back.

but this time, she wasn't coming back. see, the day after her and lara's little run off from ther friends, they all spent the day out having the time of their life. manon was so giggly, so giddy and happy. you couldn't tell if anything was bothering her because she was so lively.

she went home before daniela did, well, to her own personal home not to the dorns, you see, manon had other plans. the brunette woman went under her bed, grabbing a box that she had been preparing for the longest time.

"today's the day" she said, sighing to herself. she didn't want to have to leave the girls she just met but it was that time. the brunette grabbed what she was using, her method of choice being overdosing. she had used the prescription her therapist had put her on a while ago that she wasn't taking regularly.

manon sat at her desk, writing down five different notes for each of the girls, leaving them a sweet message each personalized for them and all having a similar ending message with something along the lines of —

"don't blame yourself for this, you've done all you could and words can never thank you enough for giving me the happiest years of my life that i was never able to touch on my own"

when it came to lara's note, it was much harder for manon. she felt like she was abandoning the red haired woman but she also felt like lara could understand her. she could feel that lara would understand why she decided to just end it all now instead of continuing to fight for any type of happiness without being distracted or depending on someone else.

while manon wrote lara’s note, she had already taken the pills. as time passed, her eyes began to feel heavy, her phone was ringing under her body as she laid in her bed, but she wasn’t able to move. by the time that her phone sent the caller to voicemail, she had already passed out.

the caller being daniela, asking if manon was home, but it went straight to voicemail so she just texted the swiss woman and waited for her response. it was rather late in the night so daniela didn’t feel right forcing her to reply just yet but that would be proven to be the worst mistake daniela could ever make.

now i know what you're thinking, "why don't they just go over to manon's house and check on her?" — well, she never gave the look that she neeed to be checked on, the common misconception when it came to depression or one with suicidal thoughts.

it didn't begin to worry daniela until the next day when all of her calls continued to go to voicemail. she went to manon's house, knocking on her door but the brunette never came to answer it.

daniela took the spare key from under her sun visor in her car then went back up to manon's door, unlocking it and her house felt oddly cold. daniela didn't really bother to question that, honestly it was the last thing on her mind.

the latina woman ran upstairs to manon's room, knocking on the door. "her car is in the driveway" daniela thought to herself, before opening manon's door. at first she just sees the woman laying in her bed, so she began to just assume that the swiss woman was just tired.

but as she walked closer, she noticed manon wasn't breathing, she in fact hadn’t moved an inch since daniela walked in the house. daniela began to panic, shaking her friend trying to wake her up before manon ended up on her back and daniela tried picking her up.

she laid the woman on the floor while trying her best to revive manon, not having any idea how long manon was there. she called the emergency serivces, her hands were shaking as she cried, whispereing to manon, begging her to wake up and just say that it as a joke, that it's all just a prank.

but by the time the paramedics made it to manon's home, she was already dead. they tried everything they could to bring he back but nothing was working, and they asked daniela questions but she couldn't answer any of them.

daniela was frozen, seeing them put a sheet over manon's head and carry her out of the house, she felt her heart breaking into a million pieces, it felt like time had slowed down, basically stopped. it felt like that until someone tapped her shoulder, they asked daniela to come to the back because they found her notes.

daniela picked them up, and thanked them before going back to her car where she completely broke down. she didn't know what to do, she know she had phone calls to make now but she drove to sophia's house first.

the black haired waman had just gotten off of work, her night shift in the hospital, she had just got to her door when she saw daniela's car pulling into her driveway. sophia was lost, they had their tests soon and this was around the time she had to study before classes which were in a few hours, why was she here?

sophia walked off her porch, seeing the blonde woman get out of the car, "dani? hey why are you here?" sophia questioned but from the way daniela looked, it told sophia something had happned.

daniela just stood at the front door, her face red and eyes were puffy from how much she cried, she felt discombobulated. she had already called lara while she was driving to sophia's place, checking on her to see if she even knew but the red haired woman told her she was okay so daniela knew it'd be much harder letting her know what happened to manon.

daniela made it inside of sophia's home before telling her, the black haired woman just furrowed her brows, the information not registering in her brain. "this has to be some kind of joke, "manon isn't coming back" you're playing with me" sophia said doing air quotes, playing it off — but daniela shook her head, the fillipina woman stayed in denial until it clicked in her head, her heart started feeing heavier as time passed.

she felt like she was having an anxiety attack, she called lara, she didn't know why, hell daniela didn't even know, she was walking out to her car to get the notes manon had left for them. that's when sophia had told lara, but the call was different.

lara answered the phone, you could hear the shower water running in the background hile sophia was crying to lara, "l-lara.. m-manon ...she" you could her lara trying to calm down sophia, the shower water stopped before the indian woman spoke "what about her? what did she do?"

"she didn't make it" sophia got out, and lara felt her entire world stop. she didn't feel anything anymore, everything felt so cold all of a sudden, she couldn't even process the words, her ears began to ring.

the younger woman just simply replied saying "i-i'll call you back, thank you for telling me" sophia looked up, seeing daniela walking back up to her, with the papers. "those are her notes?" and daniela nodded.

the other two girls didn't know what was going on, at least they had no knowledge of what happened to manon by this point. megan was at work, covering someone else's shift while yoonchae behind in class to help the staff and teachers set up for the celebration they had going on later that week.

daniela decided to call megan after she got off of work, they tried to act as usual, how they'd treat any other day since thats what manon asked them to do once recieving the news but it was hard for them, harder for daniela since she saw them carry manon's dead body out of the house.

after daniela told megan, you could hear the ginger just laugh it off "yeah, no. she didn't do it." megan was in denial about her friend's death, daniela kept trying to tell her that she saw them carry manon out but the ginger wasn't listeing.

"i'll call you when i'm home" megan said, just laughing it off which worried daniela and sophia so they decided to dirve to megan and lara's place. the drive from their house to the ginger and red haired woman's home was a 15-20 minute drive.

by the time they got there, megan's car was already in the driveway and they knocked on the door. megan opened it, and automatically hugged daniela. the blonde woman held her in a tight embrace, rubbing her saying it was okay.

megan was in heavy denial just an hour ago, what happened that made her realize it wasn't fake? she heard lara crying, and asked her what was going on, lara tried beating around the bush but they know each other too well for them to lie to each other and lara ended up telling her the truth and thats when eveything clicked for megan.

the group walked inside, megan telling them lara was in her room. sophia walked upstairs to lara's room, to check on the indian woman but she had cried herself to sleep. sophia opened the door, and saw her laying there. sophia walked up to the sleeping girl and sat beside her, placing her hands on lara's back gently.

she could feel lara shifting in her sleep, her heart was heavy after this and it was the same or all of the girls. everyone grieves differently and in reality everyone was hurt but they had to put on a facade, a look to throw everyone away from suspecting things.

it was working until lara had a terrible mental breakdown during one of her classes, that made them question what was going on. lara normaly would cover for any of her friends absences if she was there to do so but by this point it had been a little while since manon passed, and like stated, she missed a lot of school.

lara and manon were taking at least one similar course, and that was the exact class lara had her breakdown during. the teacher pulled her aside and asked, "what has been going on with you?" the techer whispered to lara, after they walked out of the room. "i just.." lara sighed, trying to lie to her teacher about something but she couldn’t.

lara already felt so overwhelmed with all that was happneing, she just ended up telling the teacher, which her teaches gaze softened while she spoke to lara. "it's none of my business but i think you should try going to therapy. " and lara nodded, wiping her tears off of her face.

"i'll sign you out for the day, saying you have a family emergency or something similar. you'll be out until you can gcome back, what about the other girls?" the teacher was refering to the rest of their friend group and lara just shrugged her shoulders, she was overtimulated and the teacher quickly picked up on that.

"i'll email the other teaches and tell them to allow them to be out until they feel better" her teacher said before nodding and gabbing her bags from inside of the class then leaving. lara would go back home, feeling the emptiness that filled the house now, she went upstairs after leaving her bag in the car, falling face first into her bed and just sighing.

while lara laid in her bed, she could feel her heartbeat against her pillow. "lara?" the red haired woman heard a familiar voice, making her sit up. lara felt like she was going crazy, no one else was home but to make sure she called out for someone but no one answered.

once the house fell dead silent again, she heard the same voice speak, "i'm sorry". this made the indian woman start thinking to herself questioning who could be talking before she let the voice sink in her head, was it manon? it sounded like her, but, no, that’s impossible.

lara tried drowing it out, she put some headpones on and played some music, laying in her bed and as her thoughts slowed down, for the first time in so long lara was relaxed. while she slept, she heard the brunette girl again.

"hey, lara. i'm sorry for leaving you so soon" the swiss woman said softly, lara could feel the warmth of the clothes manon had on, she could feel the brunettes heart beat and she could feel the embrace.

lara cried as she hugged manon back, "i love you so much, you know?" manon said, it felt like lara was listening to an old voice message manon had recorded for her but it was all sureal. she could fee the hug, she finally felt somewhat happy with manon holding her.

"you were an amazing friend, but lara, i need you to do something for me" manon said, holding eye contact with lara, her thumb wiping across lara's cheek to wipe her tears, "i need you to stay strong for me, i need you to live out life for me. do what we planned to do for all these years"

lara nodded and she could feel manon kiss her forehead, manon smiled to her before lara woke up. everything that happened she could feel, touching her face she could feel the tear that fell down her cheek but she felt better now.

a few hours after this lara decided to start looking for therapist, finding one that was highly rated out of the entire city. lara contacted the woman and she was able to make her appointment for the next day, and that's exactly what she did.

the morning of the appointment, lara woke up happier than she did any other day, yeah she still had the anxiety but for reason she was more okay with this. she got dressed that morning and wore the perfume manon always said she loved on her.

lara got in her car, and mapped out where the location was. while she drove, she could hear little voice speaking, but it was all manon's. she payed attention to them and it as all little things manon would do or say while they drove anywhere.

lara smiled to herself while she thought about their litte mountain date, that stayed on her mind until she made it there to meet her therapist.

the raven haired woman greeted her with a hug, "hello, you must be”, she said as she went through her schedule after breaking the hug, “lara raj?" “yes that's me" lara nodded, and karina suggested they go inside and get the sessions started.

"so what seems to be bothering you?" karina asked, "well it's been the death of my friend. i was really close to her" lara started, and continued to explaining her and manon's connection.

karina nodded as the indian spoke, then began giving her some advice on how to handle this chapter of her life and helping lara being to accept this being her reality now. lara took notes while karina spoke, taking every bit of information given to her and planning how she was going to make that appear in her actual life.

soon the days turned into weeks, those weeks turned into month after month and now it was the day of manon's funeral, lara was far from prepared for this.

building up to the day, she hadn't seen manon or even heard her voice, but here she was in her bathroom getting ready for the day that she knew would drain her beyond her capacity. — the day she had been dreading.

she had been so mentally exhausted ever since that night but today she wanted to try to not let it get the best of her, "hey lara?" lara heard manon's voice again while she spaced out, she was straightening her hair when the brunette called out to her.

it had honestly been so long that lara felt like she was going crazy again, today was the last day manon's body would be exposed to any type of sunlight — that it would be above ground. "thank you for not giving up like i did" the brunette said again, lara shook her head, trying to drown it out but it was like manon was in the room with her.

or, well. she literally was, when lara walked out of her bathroom, she noticed a small dip on her bed, like someone was sitting there, it was manon. now, lara couldn't see her but the swiss woman saw her. "you look so beautiful today" manon said as she looked at lara's outit.

it was color cordenated to manon's favortie colors, different shades and everything to match all that the love of her life enjoyed. "lara, be strong today" manon said, lara noticed the dip in her bed getting lifted before feeling that same warm air pass by her.

she could feel the gentle woman's hand around her waist while she pulled her into a hug, the light weight of manon's head touching her chest, gently weighing on her. "i love you" manon said, "even where i am now, i still love you so much" lara felt like she couldn’t breathe for a second, and she started crying. as the tears fell down her face, the indian woman could feel manon wipe it for her.

"please don't cry" manon whispered before kissing lara's cheek, "i'll see you soon, i promise. i have to go now, i love you" those were the last words lara heard from manon before she killed herself that day, but here she was hearing them again from manon's spirit.

lara nodded, "i love you too, darling" lara softly said, opening her camera and seeing manon smiling at her and waving before disappearing again. lara sighed as she closed her phone, putting on her shoes before grabbing her keys.

lara attened the feuneral and she handled it much better than she thouht she would've been able to. after they buried manon. everyone was geting ready to leave but lara stayed back.

she sat near where manon was buried and just looked at the sky, she began to disassociate from reality the longer she was there, it felt draining.

even though she came in so confident and handled it better than expected, she still felt every last bit of energy that was left in her body completely leave, while she just stood there, watching her casket going down.

she didn’t cry at all, not until now. lara felt weak in this moment, she felt like she was just a bag of flesh, something dead but was living still.

she tried getting up after a while of sitting there, but something pulled her from going away. she stayed there for another thirty minutes, and when she tried to get up, she was able to this time.

she looked down at manon’s grave, then the obituary that was in her hands. she had to drag herself to her car, driving home but after that day no one saw lara again.

and when i say no one — i mean, nobody. not even lara and megan’s cats had seen her, lara never went back to their home, she went back to her family home, that was now hers and she stayed there.

the days soon turned to months since anyone had last gotten any contact to lara, she was still grieving, deeply buried in her bed. she would always sleep, and as odd as that sounds she’d taken sleeping medicine to do so because that was the only time she was able to see manon.

and i know, wasn’t she still in therapy? — yeah, but she stopped going after a few appointments. the funeral really broke her, so bad to the point where she couldn’t even function normally.

but then a knock came at the door — she got out of bed, but her head was spinning. “shit how long has it been?” she said, sitting back down trying to make sense of time and what day it was.

she stood up and was able to make it through the hallways holding onto the walls, her head was pounding but someone was also knocking on the door. — she made it downstairs before opening it, seeing a worried sophia.

her eyes were squinted while sophia’s brows were furrowed, “lara..” thats sophia was able to make out, she looked at the way lara looked. she looked so, sick.

she walked into lara’s house as the redhead turned around, saying something about her head hurting and sophia hurried behind her. "lara? are you okay? no ones heard from you in months." sophia said, the worry was obvious in her voice.

lara sighed hen she sat down, "i'm .. i'm okay" she said, trying to keep her eyes open but sophia was already in front of her "come on lara, please be honest. this is nothing like you. where is the same lara we had two months ago?"

"she died, along with manon" lara said which took sophia back, " i thought you were in therapy and gettng help lara, thats what you would alway said and show us." but lara just chuckled, "soph", making the filipina look at her.

"yeah?" the indian woman just sighed, "its easier to sell off that i'm doing better but in reality, i'm really not, i mean for fucks sake look at me!" lara yelled as she pointed to her body. sophia gasped as she looked at how thin lara was, yeah she saw her earlier at the door but she didn't exactly look at her body.

sophia stayed for the rest of the day, trying to get lara to at an be active again, but at some point sophia left to go upstairs and lara hard the voice she yearned for. "hi baby" she could manon gently say, she looked down on the seat next to her, seeing a small dent, like something or someone was there.

"it's been so long, i know." manon softly said, pulling lara on her shoulder. "i saw you last night, you know. i decided to take over the plushie that you sleep with" manon said and chuckled. which made lara smiled, she just listened to manon while she poke smiling to herself.

it felt like she was in another universe now, she actually felt happier and like she existed. it lfelt like the real world stopped for a second, lara started crying again. she hadn’t cried in so long, the flood of emotions was too much for her.

manon soon left, lara feling the emptiness of her actual life and noticing that sophia was already behind her. "i'm gonna get goi- lara are you okay?" sophia said when she saw lara's face. "no no, yeahh, i'm fine soph. thak you." lara said and sophia smiled, "you're welcome"

not long after though, sophia left, which lara just went back upstairs into her room. she laid in her bed, staring at the plushie manon got for her and just laid there while her brain began to static.

her vision slowly grew blurry as time passed, and soon everything went dark. the echo of heartbeat began to grow louder, her ears began to ring.

soon all the sounds stopped, her ears fell dead silent, everything was silent. lara’s heart wasn’t even beating anymore.

it worked.

[tribalauthor]

THE WISEWOMAN (roman reigns ff) <chapter 11>

word count: 2.7K

Sophia's POV

It's a sweet Tuesday afternoon and I am in a cafè with my college best friends - Tina and Cleo.

We are drinking hot chocolates and eating cinnamon rolls. Tina invited us here today since she felt like having something sweet and who are we with Cleo to say no.

"Okay, girls. I can't hide this anymore. I'm pregnant." Tina announced and my mouth dropped. Me and Cleo exchanged looks of shock.

"Oh my God. Congratulations." we both screamed and went to hug our best friend.

"When did you find out?" Cleo asked.

"Saturday. I've been feeling weird lately and decided to take couple of tests and they were all positive." she explained to us and looked excited as hell. Tina always had that nurturing nature, so I am certain she is gonna be a great mother.

"I'm gonna be an aunt." I squealed excitingly.

"We." Cleo sassily corrected me. "How does Noah feel?"

"Oh, he is more than excited. We aren't too surprised though. Ever since we got married, we kinda haven't stopped." she hinted and me and Cleo gave her a smug look.

"With those wedding organisations, me and Jer don't even have the time." Cleo shook her head.

"We were like that too but trust me, when it's over, y'all are gonna catch up and who knows, you might get pregnant faster than you think." Tina giggled and the thought of both of them getting married almost in the same time and potentially giving birth almost together brought me a bittersweet feeling.

As of now, I am focused on different things. Yes, I hope I marry one day and give birth too but I don't know when it's gonna be.

It feels like the right time now to ask them what's been 'bothering' me these days.

"Soph, we are waiting to tell us what happened in Atlanta." Tina was all in ears.

"Well, y'all saw the show. Basically that happened." I shrugged.

"Don't lie to us, sneaky. Three days in a hotel with Roman Reigns. Something must have happened." Cleo invited me to spill the beans.

"Well Roman took me to his college and we kissed." I said and their jaws hit the floor.

"I thought you would kiss him on date 15 like you always tend to do. That's a shocker." Cleo commented. Although she exaggerated a bit, she is right that a guy has to wait to kiss me.

"And is he good?" Tina cocked her eyebrow with a big smirk. I just nodded my head trying not to grin.

"We are officially together." I announced quietly and their mouths dropped again.

"Oh my God." they put their hands on their lips.

"That fast? What happened to you?" Cleo looked at me as if I'm a stranger.

"I don't know what's the most shocking thing - being with an athlete and not some snobby smartass or letting him kiss you so fast." Tina started wondering.

Oh they have a big storm coming.

"I would say it's the fact that he made me finish twice." I finally spilled the bean and that's the moment I speared them mentally.

They looked at me with disbelief.

"Sophia Celibate Heyman. Am I hearing this right?" Cleo thought she is deaf for a second.

"I'm not celibate." I rolled my eyes.

"You look more glowy than ever actually." now Tina had a realization. "You better tell us the details."

"He wanted to book us some massage sessions but there were no masseurs available. I had some pain in the lower back and I don't know what he did, how he pressed me here and there and I just...finished. But I didn't know at the beginning. Then he...explored me down there with his fingers and for the record he didn't see me naked." I actually explained everything.

I don't think I have told them that much about my sex life but now I will need an advice.

"It's still the Sophia nuance, my goodness." Cleo seemed shocked yet still not surprised in a way.

"Not even two weeks after knowing him. That's not Sophia." Tina opposed to her.

"Well...the man really knows how to talk you through. That's what I'm gonna say." I put my arms up in defense. "He is actually smart. I'm not completely off-brand. While we were in Atlanta I thought I need advice."

"Sophia asking for advice. God, what's going on here? Is it Mercury retrograde or something?" the amount of shock I brought to my best friends today is insane.

"Y'all know that I'm not a highly sexual woman, so I don't know many tricks and stuff. What I mean is that when the time comes I wanna leave him speechless and not leave the impression that I am a tree in the bed." I spoke quietly.

"Just the fact that you are asking us this, means you are ready. The Tribal Chief unlocked Tigress Sophia." Tina said excitingly and I got confused.

"Soph, this isn't a rocket science. Trust me, if you really want him, everything is gonna come naturally." Cleo explained to me. "You just were with men that you actually didn't want and that's why you've been like this."

"Yeah and if you stop using your head for a little while. I think he can bring you even more heaven if you let him." Tina added. "This is the guy for you."

I bit my lips and got flashbacks how I told him he is the chosen one while he had his fingers in me.

"There is a match on Saturday right?" Cleo asked and I nodded my head.

"Think of a way you could return the favor - a post-match hand job for example." she said and I just looked with terror.

"A handjob?" I scratched my neck awkwardly.

"Mans got you amazing flowers with the best postcard ever, took you to an expensive place then took you in an expensive hotel where he payed for everything, gave you a massage, rubbed your kitty. I think he deserves a handjob yeah." she stated the facts and I sighed cause she is right.

"A blowjob too but let's be even." Tina added. "The Wise Women of the Wise Woman.

We all laughed at her comment.

"It just hit me. If you two are together, that means I have to add another person to the guest list. Jer is gonna be thrilled." Cleo realized.

"No need. You two wanted a private wedding."

"You think Jeremiah won't take the opportunity to get Roman Reigns at his wedding? Realistically speaking he would rather marry him than me." Cleo said in defense and I rolled my eyes.

"I am gonna tell him about this soon." I nodded my head. "But you will have another guest too. Tina's baby." I sang and we all got excited again.

Roman's POV

Me and my cousins finished our workout. Big week is upon us. We have to prepare for the Rumble match.

"Aren't you gonna tell us what happened in Atlanta, uce?" Jey aske as he wiped his face with a towel. I did the same thing.

Frankly, I don't know if I wanna tell them because I know what's gonna happen. They are gonna rain on my parade once again.

On the other hand, they are my blood after all and they have to know what's going on.

"It was sweet." I replied with a mysterious smile. "Sophia is my girlfriend now."

The twins seemed shocked but Yoko not so much.

"You really don't waste any time." the youngest remarked.

"There is no time to waste." I agreed with him.

"Congratulations, Joe." I could sense a bit of happiness in Josh's voice.

"Alright, uce. You deserve credit for that one. Maybe you really impressed her and she likes you." the older twin concluded and I am delighted he finally uses the facts.

"I wonder how uncle and aunt are gonna react to all of this." Yoko chimed in.

"They have not so small age difference too, so I think they will understand. Also, I lived with the fact that they didn't like Michelle. I'm gonna be fine." I assured him.

"What about Paul? Do you think he is gonna be happy that you are banging his niece?" Josh chimed in and I gave him the dead look.

"Paul knows best how serious I am about everything, so I'm actually confident...kinda." I scratched my neck. It's really his niece we are talking about here. I don't know how he is going to react.

"Kinda." Jon repeated and shook his head. "Out of all women in this world who want you, you really chose the forbidden fruit."

"She is not a forbidden fruit." I raised my voice.

"You gotta think of trimming and dying that beard a bit cause when you two are on the screen, you lowkey look like her uncle." Josh advised me.

"I know. I have a barber appointment on Thursday." I replied.

My phone rang suddenly. It's Hunter.

"What's up?" I picked up.

"We'll be there." I said and I hung up the phone.

"Roman, we just had a creative meeting with the crew and I want you to come to the company in Manhattan. With Sophia." my boss specified.

Sophia's POV

"We chose the date of our wedding to be March 31st." Cleo said.

"That's exactly a week before Wrestlemania." I remarked.

"Jer really wants to go but with all of the expenses for the wedding, he can't really afford it right now." Cleo said.

"Me and Joe are going to secure him a ticket for both nights...and for you, too. There you have our wedding present." I suddenly came up with the best idea. "But don't tell him anything yet."

"Oh my God. He will be so happy." Cleo looked at me with gratitude. "And if he is happy, I'm happy."

"Noah already bought us tickets but only for night two since he believes it's gonna be Roman vs Cody for the main event." Tina said.

"I don't know. There are still discussions coming up." I shrugged.

"We mustn't let our men close to you right now since they would want to know a lot of details." Cleo concluded and I laughed.

"I'm as mute as a fish. They won't get anything out of me." I declared and suddenly my phone rang.

I took it and it's my boyfriend.

"Hey." I greeted him softly.

"Hi, Soph. What are you doing?" Joe asked me.

"Hanging out with my best friends. What about you?" I asked back.

"Just finished the daily workout and took a shower. Hunter called earlier and said he wants to see us in the company." he explained and I suddenly grew concerned.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. He probably just wants to talk about a creative direction the team just came up with." he reassured me and I calmed down. "So tell me where are you? I'm gonna pick you up and go to the company."

I told him the address and he said he will call me when he's here.

"The boss wants to see us." I told my friends.

While I waited for Roman we continued our girl chirping and he still hasn't called.

Since Tina was in front of the door, her eyes suddenly widened and slightly hit mine and Cleo's arms. I looked at the door and there was Joe.

Wearing dark blue jeans and black Nike hoodie. He looks so fresh and of course, his hair was tied.

"Hey." my boyfriend greeted us and I got up to hug him. "So you are the best friends?" he then turned to them.

"Nice to meet you, Roman." they told him and shook hands.

"Pleasure is all mine, girls." he replied to them.

"I know this may sound weird since we just met but Roman, I'd like to invite you to my wedding on March 31st. As my best friend's boyfriend." Cleo announced and Joe seemed visibly honored by this.

"Okay. We'll be there. Thanks for the invitation." he smiled.

"My fiancée is a huge fan." she added.

"Really? Then I will make sure to enhance his experience of becoming a newlywed." my boyfriend made a promise and his grin is still on his face.

"Here's the bill, ladies." the waiter came to leave it and Roman just took it from his hands. After that he took out his wallet from his jeans and took a banknote of 100$ and gave it to the waiter.

"There you go, young man." Joe patted the young man's back. "Let's go, Soph. Ladies, yall need a ride?

"No. My husband is gonna pick us up. Thank you, Roman." Tina thanked him.

We said goodbye and we left.

"So..." Joe spoke as we got in his car buckling oud seatbelts. "We are going to a wedding, huh?"

"Yup." I confirmed. "Jeremiah, Cleo's fiancée, is a huge fan of you. You are literally his favorite but sadly, he won't be able to attend Wrestlemania because of the wedding expenses." I explained the situation.

"That sounds like an awesome idea!" I exclaimed.

"No problem. We are gonna gift him and Cleo tickets for both nights...front row." I am so glad he said exactly what I was thinking. "Easy."

"The reason I wanted to see you is first, Sophia's instant impact on the business. I met with the Social Team and they showed me impressive stats. Sophia, you brought a serious amount of new fans and not only male but also female. They really like the feminist motives behind your character." Hunter spoke and those words were music to my ears. "Congratulations."

"Thank you." I said quietly.

"Also, there is a lot of shipping going on between the Tribal Chief and The Wise Woman and the creative team saw a potential for a storyline between you two." he added and me and Roman exchanged horrified looks. "I called you here, so we can discuss face to face if you agree to this."

"What storyline exactly?" my boyfriend asked.

"A romantic one. The WWE universe has seen how dominant and strong the Tribal Chief is, devoted and loyal to his family but they have never seen him in love." the boss started to sound convincing and judging by Roman's look - his hand on his gray beard - he seems to approve this.

"You are right, yes. We could extend things to a whole new level." Roman spoke. "If Sophia is down, I am down too."

"I think it could be great. To showcase a new side of the character. Also, if people want this so much, why not?" I shrugged.

"But no crazy stuff." Joe set a condition to the current CEO.

"Of course. Do I look like my father in law?" Hunter asked rhetorically and I immediately got what my boyfriend meant.

He wouldn't want us to go fully explicit like that Edge and Lita segment, for example. Vince was a really sick man.

"So what do you have in mind or should me and Roman come up with the stuff?" I asked.

"As of now we were thinking of a kiss after the Rumble match." Hunter replied and me and Roman exchanged looks of considering.

"You know that I am a slow burn man when it comes to storytelling. I really want people to feel the tension between me and Sophia before we actually get in action." he may be a slow burn storyteller but not a slow burn lover.

"Okay but people expect you to make things slow-burn. Don't you think it would be more shocking that when it comes to love, you are not so slow-burn?" I asked him and judging by his smirk, he seemed impressed.

"Also, people already felt that tension. If I show you two the posts and the threads people make about you..." the boss shook his bald head.

That sounds intriguing. I have to lurk later.

I saw Roman was thinking, staring at one spot. I know this man doesn't play when it comes to work.

"Okay. Let's do it that way. A kiss at the Rumble." he nodded his head.

"I wonder how Paul is going to react." Hunter said nervously.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.237 Trouble afoot

Desi was watching TV when I returned, looking exactly as she did before leaving, so I figured they went to a nail salon. But when Sophia walked in, I knew they had gone to both a nail and a hair salon. What a day, and what a look! She was drop-dead gorgeous.

"You let her cut off all her gorgeous hair??" I asked Desi.

She simply shrugged. The teenage carelessness has settled in nicely, I see.

"Do you like it?" Sophia asked, hesitantly.

"I love it! You look so...so regal! Now I need a makeover, so folks don't think I'm bringing you down!"

"Stop it! There's nothing wrong with how you look."

"You keep thinking that," I said. "You look amazing."

"My head feels so light," she said.

"I know what you mean."

"You do?"

"Yeah. My hair has always been thick and long, but after my teen birthday, I wanted to try something different, so I shaved off the back and the sides and ended up with this...curly fade, I guess. My head was so cold in the winter."

"Oh right! I forgot you had shorter hair when we met. It's gonna take me a while to get used to this," she said. "I miss my hair already!"

"But you like it, right?"

"Yeah... Yeah, I do."

Somewhere in the middle of that conversation, we lost Desi. I found her in the kitchen having dinner, so I joined her to see where her head was at.

"Are you pumped up about school tomorrow??"

"Yeah...I guess," she said.

"It's okay to be nervous. Everyone is nervous on the first day."

"But Breanna, Lex, and Arvin had their first day today. What if they all made friends and don't want to talk to me anymore?"

"Awww, Des, that's impossible! They love you! And they're your cousins. Family doesn't throw each other away like that."

Just as I was about to ask a follow up question, my phone rang. It was Dub. The sound of his voice, thick with emotion and shaky from suppressed sobs, caused me to rush outside for privacy. He tried to play it off at first, like nothing was wrong—like he always did—but eventually the floodgates opened and he broke down. Maia kicked him out of the house! I was mistaken to immediately conclude he cheated because I knew he would never do that, but I did, and that thought infuriated me. I hate I felt that way about my best friend, but my childhood trauma reared its ugly head once again. He tried so hard to hide the source of his distress, but he always rambles and gives himself away bit by bit. I put the few pieces together he let slip and gathered this was about the same thing we talked about last time he was over here upset about something: his parenting. He told me a bit more once I expressed I was onto him. How about this man bought a whole horse behind his wife's back! I don't claim to have all the facts of the situation, but the little I had, I knew that was a huge mistake. Honestly, I think it would be a huge mistake, regardless. When they were here, Tami was relentless about this horse thing. The way she kept bringing it up was more like veiled threats than simple childish pestering. Dub tried to joke it away, never giving her an answer and deflecting at every turn. He even joked about me buying it for her to get the heat off him. I know he has money, and buying a horse is not beyond the realm of possibility, but I didn't think he'd actually do it. I assumed he knew it was just trivial childish behavior. Even my niece had dreams of being a horse trainer. She still does, actually. Lots of little girls have a thing for horses, and it's usually a phase. But now Tami's got her horse, and her bad behavior has been rewarded once again in a big way.

Dub was super distraught and remorseful, and of course, all of this came too late. He's afraid he's gonna lose his family for good. I felt for him and started walking toward his house, but he insisted he was okay and didn't need company. What do I say?? I have no words of wisdom or comfort this time. I don't know everything about Dub, but I do know he gets in his own way a lot. And for Maia to say she's done with him? There has to be more he's not telling me. He asks for reassurance, but I can't give it. The only assurance I can offer is just a sliver of hope for the future. Maybe after things calm down, they'll be able to talk things through. But in the meantime, he needs to give her the space she needs, pinpoint the root cause of this issue, and eliminate it.

After a while, I can't bear listening to him cry anymore. That's bad, I know. It's not that I don't want to support him, but he doesn't want my company, and I have nothing to offer, so what is my purpose here? Luckily, he ended the conversation. I went back inside for dinner with my head reeling and heart aching for all of them. It aches the most for Tami, being the product of a broken home myself. I feel for Maia, who has carried the weight of Dub's missteps all this time. And of course I feel for my boy. He's guilty, but I don't want to see him going through so much pain. This really sucks.

Desi playing with the dogs makes me smile. I cherished that moment, not because I needed something positive to lift my spirits, but because I realized some things about her never change, no matter how much she evolves right in front of our eyes. That was a great comfort to me.

Sophia joins me, and I need to tell her about what I just learned, but not in front of the kid. I hope she knows something that can shed light on this mystery, having spent a few hours with Maia.

"I need to talk to you," I said in a low tone.

She nodded, no questions asked. I love that I never need to explain myself to her. She understands the assignment every time.

[toasttt11]

five times he told someone + one time someone else did for him

one. luke and sophia

October 21, 2022

Maddox walked out of the locker room running a hand through his dripping wet hair, he saw Luke and Sophia outside waiting for him.

“Maddi!” Luke happily grinned seeing his brother for the first time in almost a month.

Maddox quickly walked to his brother pulling him into a hug, “Hi Moose.” Maddox smiled slighty before they pulled away, he looked towards his best friend, “Phia.” Sophia grinned pulling her best friend into a tight hug having missed him.

“Hi Maddi.” Sophia smiled at him before they pulled away, Sophia leaned her head on her boyfriend’s arm and held his hand, “So what do you want for dinner?”

“You guys pick i don’t care.” Maddox just shrugged happy to be seeing two of his favorite people.

“Alright.” Luke nodded and the three got into Luke’s car and Luke drove them to a little dinner place.

The three got seated in a booth in the restaurant and started looking at the menu.

“You had a good game.” Luke commented to his brother, Maddox having had two assists and a goal, the blackhawks winning 4-3.

“Yeah i was alright.” Maddox just shrugged off the compliment, Sophia smiled shaking her head knowing Maddox hates compliments.

The three ordered their food and started catching up while they waited.

Maddox anxiously twisted his ring around his finger and his leg wouldn’t stop bouncing, he knew he wanted to tell his family and he knew Sophia and Luke were the safest option, he took a deep breath before blurting out the words he has never said outside to anyone before, “I’m Bi.”

Sophia and Luke shared a soft look.

“I know bud.” Luke smiled comforting at his older brother and best friend.

“What?” Maddox eyes widen in shock as he looked at his smiling brother.

“Maddi you made out with a guy after one of our tournaments.” Luke deadpanned with a fond smile.

“Why didn’t you say anything.” Maddox questioned playing with his fingers.

“Because i wanted to wait until you were comfortable of coming out to me.” Luke reached across the table and grabbed Maddox’s hand, “I’m proud of you and you are always my brother.” Luke proudly smiled at Maddox.

Maddox had no idea how much he needed to hear those words.

He looked over at Sophia who was watching her two boys with a fond smile, “Oh i knew too.” Sophia grinned at Maddox, Maddox just fondly shook his head at her, “What i’m your bestfriend of course i knew.” Sophia shrugged having known for along time, “But i’m proud of you.” Sophia squeezed Maddox’s arm gently looking at him proudly.

“Thank you.” Maddox choked out feeling touched for getting so much support from the two.

two. quinn

January 24, 2023

Maddox was texting on his phone in the hotel lobby when he got a text from Quinn, he stood up putting his phone into his pocket and walked out into the cold Vancouver weather seeing Quinn waiting in his car.

“Hi Mads.” Quinn fondly smiled seeing his little brother, Maddox smiled and let Quinn hug him over the center console.

Maddox and Quinn were both more quiet of people and honestly like silence a lot more than talking so they sat in comfortable silence until Quinn pulled into his apartment building parking garage.

Maddox and Quinn walked up to Quinn’s apartment and they both hoped onto Quinn’s couch, Quinn handed the controller to his brother as he turned on the TV and game system.

After they played a few rounds Quinn looked over at his little brother seeing his anxious ticks and had a feeling Maddox needed to say something.

Quinn paused the game and set his controller down, “Alright spill.”

“What?” Maddox looked up from the controller and towards Quinn.

“Tell me, you have something to say.” Quinn raised an eyebrow at Maddox.

Maddox let out a nervous breath and nodded knowing he does have something to tell Quinn, Maddox planned to tell Quinn when he came out to Vancouver for the Blackhawks at Canucks game.

“I’m bi.” Maddox mummled out not wanting to look at Quinn when he told him.

Quinn nodded slowly always having a feeling and saw some signs but wanted to wait till Maddox was comfortable.

Quinn wrapped an arm around Maddox’s shoulder and pressed a kiss to the top of his fluffy hair, “Thank you for telling me.”

Maddox’s head shot up shocked, “Your not disgustied?” Maddox honestly was the most worried about Quinn and Jack finding out about his sexuality and not Luke.

“Maddi your my brother, i love you no matter what there’s nothing you could do to change that.” Quinn held Maddox’s face in his hands.

“Oh.” Maddox whispered out, He just burried his head into Quinn’s chest and felt protected in his brother’s arms.

Quinn frowned having a feeling that’s something happen that made Maddox believe that he would think he is disgusted and when Quinn is going to find out who thought they could hurt his brother and get away with it.

three. alex

February 27, 2023

Maddox was laying on his back on the hotel bed next to Alex, they had just played their game againt the Ducks and had lost.

Maddox and Alex are always roommates on roadies and they usually end up watching a movie or show together.

Maddox looked a the ceiling before blurting out, “I’m bi.” Maddox tightly closed his eyes nervously.

Alex just nodded not even looking awya from the TV, “Ok.”

“Ok?” Maddox repeated confused, his eyes shot open and he turned on to side facing Alex.

Alex fondly rolled his eyes pausing the movie, “Dude i’ve seen you mack on a guy before, i’ve know for a while.”

“I know.” Maddox nodded having known Alex knew, “I was coming out to you, you dickhead” Maddox fondly rolled his eyes.

Alex made a face, “Oh, Well i’m proud of you for coming out.” Alex patted his best friend’s shoulder, “Now can we keep watching the movie.”

“Ass.” Maddox fondly chuckled shoving Alex.

four. connor

November 14, 2023

“Bud? What’s wrong?” Maddox frowned in concern as he opened his front door hearing a knock, seeing Connor standing there with the saddest look on his face and tears in his eyes.

“I-“ Connor chocked out breathing heavily and just into forwards into Maddox’s comforting arms, Maddox frowned and wrapped his arms around around Connor gently rubbing his back as he walked them backward and closed his front door.

Maddox kept Connor in his arms leading them to his living room, Maddox sat down on his couch and Connor sat next to him hiding his face in Maddox’s chest.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Maddox quietly asked running his hands through Connor’s hair knowing it calms him down.

Connor took a deep breath and blurted out, “I think i’m gay.” Connor waited anxiously for Maddox to say anything. Connor was scared and Maddox always feels the safest.

“I’m so proud of you for telling me.” Maddox wrapped his arms around him tightly pressing a kiss to his head, Connor let out a sob of relief and couldn’t help but cry. Maddox frowned knowing exactly how he is feeling right now.

“I’m bi.” Maddox told Connor once Connor calmed down.

“You are?” Connor looked up at Maddox with his puppy eyes.

“I am, and i understand how scared you’rere feeling right now, but i promise i’m always on your side okay buddy.” Maddox promised him, Connor smiled softly not knowing how he would have made it through the last few years with Maddox being there for him always.

“Thank you for always being there for me.” Connor mumbled hiding his face back into Maddox’s chest.

“Always bud, Always.” Maddox held Connor until Maddox looked down hearing little snores and saw him fast asleep.

five. ellen

December 22, 2023

Maddox walked in the kitchen of his parents house and saw his mom in the kitchen, “Mom, i uh was wondering if we could go out just us today.” Maddox had his hands behind his back anxiously fidgeting.

Ellen looked up seeing Maddox looking tense and frowned slighty, “Of course Maddi. Would you like to go now?” Ellen smiled softly at her boy.

“Sure, Coffee?” Maddox mischievously smiled knowing he got his love for coffee from his mother.

“Of course.” Ellen replied having alreadly planned to go get coffee with Maddox today, loving when her boys are home but it’s always nice to have someone who loves getting coffee to go with her.

Ellen knew all of boys like the back of her hand and she could tell Maddox wanted to tell her something. She drove them to their favorite coffee shop in Michigan and drove them through the drive thru.

Ellen ordered their coffee before pulling up and paying at the window and getting handed the coffee’s, she handed Maddox his and held her as she parked them into the parking lot.

“Got something you wanna talk about Maddi?” Ellen questioned softly looking over at her son seeing him look nervous.

Maddox took a deep breath and looked at his mom, “I’m bi.” Maddox clenched his eyes not wanting to see her face when he tells her.

Ellen proudly smiled at her sun and she gently cupped his face, “Maddy look at me.” Maddox slowly opened his eyes and saw his mother still looking at him the exact same.

Maddox’s looked shocked, “Your not disappointed?”

“Maddox Hughes, i could never be disappointed in you.” Ellen sternly spoke looking directly at her son, “And it was kinda obvious with how you act around Trevor.” She gave him a knowing smile and glance making him blush and look away.

+ jack

June 15 2024

Maddox and Trevor both got to the lake house late last night having both been busy since the end of the season.

Maddox had to spend a week doing some captain stuff at the end of the season so Trevor left to LA to visit his friends and Jamie was joining him as well and to also pack up or get rid of the rest of the stuff at his Condo in LA. Maddox then went to watch some of Quinn’s playoff games and spend that time with his parents and Quinn before he headed out on a vacation catching up with his old teammates and their families from Tampa bay.

Jack also spent some time out in the Jersey Shore with his friends while Luke went to Michigan to see his friends and girlfriend and Quinn was in the playoffs.

Now all of the Hughes brothers got to the lake house the last few days. Maddox knew it was only a matter of time before all of the friends and teammates came over so he knew that he wanted to tell his brothers and best friend quickly about Trevor and him.

Luckily for Trevor and Maddox everyone was too tired to even notice that Trevor went with Maddox into Maddox’s instead of his normal guest room.

Trevor woke up looking down at his chest seeing Maddox peacefully sleeping on his arw chest, Trevor hummed contently and he could tell everyone else were still asleep besides Quinn.

Trevor hoped that everything went well with them telling everyone today.

Trevor eventually got Maddox out bed and Trevor headed down stairs before Maddox and saw Quinn cooking breakfast and Sophia eating with Luke resting his head on her arm looking like he was going to fall asleep again and Jack texting on his phone.

“What’s for breakfast Quinner!” Trevor grinned happily knowing it will get on Quinn’s nerves.

“Food.” Quinn deadpanned with a small smirk as he scooped some of the eggs onto a plate for Trevor and handed it to him.

Maddox came down a few minutes later looking like a zombie still half asleep as he stumbled straight to the coffee machine and quickly started drinking the black coffee he poured into his mug. Trevor fondly shook his head.

Maddox just shoved the food into his mouth as he was on his second cup of coffee.

Everyone else was just finished eating, Trevor looked over at Maddox giving him a look and Maddox nodded.

Trevor hopped up, “Jacky Boy, can i talk to you?” Trevor questioned as he gestured to the outside.

“Yeah sure man?” Jack answered following him outside.

“What’s that about?” Luke noisily questioned looking a Maddox for an answer.

“He’s telling Jack we are dating.” Maddox blunty told them drinking his coffee.

Sophia squealed, “Oh my god!! Finally!!!!” She hurried up and hugged Maddox.

“Thanks Phi.” Maddox mumbled to his best friend.

“Huh, took you long enough.” Luke shrugged not suprised they are together especially because Trevor has obviously been in love with Maddox for a long time.

“Out of anyone it had to be Trevor.” Quinn groaned teasing his brother.

“I know.” Maddox quipped back.

“Why is Trevor telling Jack?” Sophia questioned, wondering why Maddox or Trevor didn’t just tell them all together.

Maddox kind of froze up setting his coffee cup down, “I uh didn’t want to be the one to tell Jack.”

Quinn, Luke and Sophia shared a concerned look.

“Why not?” Quinn gently asked.

Maddox just shrugged, “We should make sure they aren’t killing each other out there.” Maddox weakly avoided the question and started walking to the backyard and the three followed him.

Jack and Trevor would outside, “Why’d we go outside Z?”

“I’m dating someone.” Trevor told him.

Jack eyes widen and he nodded, “Woah that’s great Z! How long?”

“Three months.” Trevor answered shortly.

“Three?!” Jack looked shocked knowing Trevor never has relationships that long.

“Look i’m dating a guy and i’m Bi, and if you have a problem with that.” Trevor coldly spoke to someone he once considered a best friend.

“What! No! Of course not!” Jack denied quickly he would never have a problem with that.

“I’m dating Maddox.” Trevor told him.

Jack opened his mouth in shock, “Maddi? My brother?” Jack looked incredibly shocked not thinking his brother is Bi or Gay.

“Yes.” Trevor curtly told Jack.

The two didn’t realize that the others had just walked into the back porch.

“He didn’t tell me?” Jack looked hurt, Maddox and him use to tell each other everything.

“And why do you think that is?” Trevor sarcastically asked crossing his arms over his chest.

“What Why?” Jack stammered out.

Quinn titled his head as he watched the two, he didn’t know there was a reason Maddox didn’t tell Jack because he thought Maddox did tell him.

“Do you remember what you said about him.” Trevor coldly questioned glaring at Jack, Jack frantically shook his head.

Luke and Quinn shared a look not liking where this is going. They never knew Jack has said something about Maddox.

“You said that he would never be gay, he isn’t. Hughes aren’t like that and Maddox would never be with a guy especially Z.” Trevor quoted exactly what Maddox told him.

Jack’s eyes widen and his face paled as he remembered when he said that, “I was drunk!” Jack protested quickly, Jack didn’t even think Maddox heard his words.

Quinn and Luke both look extremely angry as they now realized why Maddox didn’t come out to them for so long and why he was so scared.

Sophia felt her heart break knowing that Jack might not have meant the words but they definitely meant a lot to Maddox hearing them.

“You were but the words you said to Maddox wasn’t correct, do you even know how much they impacted him, you made him scared to come out to his own family.” Trevor sneered feeling his jaw shaking with emotion.

Maddox looked down at the floor, Quinn clenched his jaw shaking his head and wrapped his arm around his brother.

“I-“ Jack was wide eyed as he realized how his actions affected his little brother, Jack knew over the years that Maddox and him have not been at close and Jack just assumed it was because they lived so far away from each other but now he’s realizing it’s because he hurt his little brother.

“I don’t care if he is gay or bi, he’s my little brother. I really didn’t want him to be thinking about his sexuality when he was about to be drafted to the NHL because i knew it would be harder for him.” Jack admitted he didn’t want his brother to have to hide, “I love him no matter what and i’m glad that he has you.” Jack saw a new side of his best friend and he knew Trevor was good for Maddox.

Trevor nodded and turned away and walked back up to the pouch because he knew the others had walked outside, Trevor saw Maddox looking overwhelmed and wrapped his arm around him and started walking inside with him and Trevor nodded at the thankful look that Quinn gave him.

Jack watched the two with guilt and regret all over his face, Quinn and Luke looked at him with anger and disappointment. Sophia shook her head and headed inside.

[1427]

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 5)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

Story Summary: The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt Setting: The Farm/Woods

Chapt Warnings: pretty explicit drug use (meth), season 2 Daryl, degrading/sexist language (he’s starting to get better lol), SOPHIA CHAPTER (I think that deserves a warning)

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Daryl’s POV story. Daryl’s starting to be less of a dick, trying really hard to make it feel organic/make it make sense in the story. Idk. This chapter was really rough to write because… it made me sad. Also have no idea if it even makes sense (the hallucination bit, really hope it does) lol ALSO; I looked up some timeline stuff and i just?? Really thought Daryl was out there for days on his own? But apparently he wasn’t? We’re just gonna say that he is in this story. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can only do so much when the timeline of TWD is fucking stupid sometimes. (I mean it. Come for me. Idc. Rick was in a coma for 59 days without food or water???!?!!!? Bye)

masterlist

17+ mdni (no smut in this one tho sorry)

Like fiberglass in my veins, it tears through me. Mellow, at first, almost think I should rail more before I can feel myself sweatin’. Different kinda sweat, comin’ from my fuckin’ soul. 

Haven’t felt like I was doin’ something ‘wrong’ since I was little. That feeling that ch’ya get when you’re doin’ somethin’ ya know you’re not s’possed to. This ain’t the first time I done spazz, but maybe it’ll be the last. The anxiety about doin’ it goes away the second I feel the devil kick me through my nose to the back of my brain. Even though I know it’s comin’, it always feels like gettin’ skullfucked by satan. 

Been out here for a day. I brought Merle’s shit with me because I decided to finally get rid of it somewhere. But I got somethin’ that needs doin’. And anyway, I got years of experience with ice. Not doin’ it. Sometimes doin’ it. Never let Merle know, he’d’ve made some big whoop ‘bout it. And everytime he’d gone and done more than he remembered, he woulda blamed me. Shit though, sometimes it was. 

M’not like Merle and Beatle. Ain’t an addict. Can do shit and put it down. Always been able to put it down. Figured other people could too, that they just didn’t wanna. ‘m not sure, but still kinda think that. 

Never felt fuckin’ guilty about it before, though. Fuckin’ Beatle. I’unno if it’s cuz I’d be done with her if she did the same shit, or if it’s cuz I know if she knew that I was - she’d be mad at me. Mad I didn’t invite ‘er. 

But this shit ain’t for fuckin’ playtime. Only reason ‘m even doin’ it i’so I can find Sophia. So I can stay awake, focus, and get ‘er back. They use ta use this shit in war. War’s the reason methamphetamines even exist. Nazi’s? Hell, every single one of ‘em in WWII. Kamikazi’s loaded up, totally fuckin’ wasted outta their minds on crystal while they bolted ‘em in. Kept ‘em awake, kept ‘em happy, kept ‘em focused on the mission. Tha’s what I gotta do. 

I can’t stop lookin’ til I find ‘er. Sophia. ‘m the only one that can, only one that knows how. And anymore, ‘m the only one that seems to give a shit. ‘Sides Carol. And Beatle. She wanted ta come. Told her she’d only slow me down. Distract me. Drawn more geeks. She woulda. Told her I didn’t need food either but she packed me some anyway. Knew I wasn’t gonna be hungry. Knew I was gonna use this dumb shit to help. But whatever. 

Doesn’t matter what happens to me, right? My life’s not worth nothin’, not compared to that little girl. Now that her old man’s outta the picture she actually got a chance. Maybe not mucha one, not the way shit is these days. But she got ‘er mom. And ‘er mom can actually be ‘er mom now. Not scared of some piece’a shit prick that finally got what was comin’ to ‘im. 

Man fuck that guy.

The trail I’m followin’ disappears so I backtrack to the mangroves where I found her doll and try to find another one. 

I start to wonder what kinda old man Beatle had. What kinda mom? Startin’ ta realize I don’t know a damn thing about Beatle. I know she likes drinkin’, she likes laughin’, she likes fuckin’ with me. But… 

Beatle keeps surprisin’ me. Not just because she let me hump her face a few days ago, the fact that she liked it, shit I haven’t even had a second to process that. Nah, more cuz she hasn’t brought it up. Hasn’t tried to hold my hand again. Hasn’t been annoyin’ me nearly as much. Not even at all, if ‘m honest. 

My brain’s goin’ a million miles a fuckin’ second over Beatle and what happened between us. Not just the other night, but back then. Got questions that need answerin’ but she ain’t here. Try to keep myself occupied with trackin’ but it ain’t like trackin’ takes much thinkin’. Follow every trail I pick up, but none of ‘em lead me to Sophia. 

I’d prob’ly start gettin’ really frustrated about this, but that’s what crystals good for. All the dopamine I need, and nothin’s annoyin’. Focus.

✨🏹 

Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, walker guts. Trees and rocks and blood and mud and dirt and greens and browns and reds and blacks. And it’s dark and it’s light and it’s dark. And it smells fuckin’ rotten. Bent branches, wilted leaves, another trail, another dead end, another undead shithead. Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, Beatle. 

How many times did I go into Merle’s bag and take the devils dick up my nose? Cuz Beatle’s standin’ here right in front of me. ‘Cept she’s all done up in makeup and glitter and her pupils are the size of dimes. Little pink crop top, tiniest pair’a daisy dukes I ever seen. ‘n she’s in my face sayin’ the shit I been thinkin’ about her sayin’ since that day she said it. 

“I like you, Dar.” 

“You like bein’ fucked up more.” I say it like I said it the last time. 

“That’s not true! I mean - I like you, Daryl.” She steps closer, tries to put her hand on my cheek before I brush her off. She slumps back a little, turning away. “You like me, too. You said it.” 

My hearts in my fuckin’ throat and I’m standin’ there, this can’t be fuckin’ happening. I know is’not but doesn’t make it feel any less real. “Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle.” 

Hate that I said that to ‘er. Did I really say that? Cuz maybe that’s how I felt. Hell, maybe that’s how I felt last week. But it ain’t fair. I don’t know her. Still. Now. Don’t know ‘er at all. Thought I did. Thought I understood what kinda girl did those kindsa things. Is that really what I said? Fuck.

She’s still turned away from me, but I walk the half circle around to look at her face. And she’s sobbing. Silently, trying to stay as still as possible. I… I don’t remember this part. Maybe I didn’t see it? Nah, I saw it. Just didn’t care. Didn’t wanna look at ‘er. Didn’t want to hear her lame ass confession. Especially after she’d brought up that I told ‘er I liked ‘er. She sniffles and wipes her face before she pulls a bubble pipe out of the waistband of her shorts and lights the bottom, starts smokin’ it. She asks if I want a hit, like last time. 

I go to say no, but the words don’t come out. Instead my hand reaches for it. I look back up and Beatle’s dressed all different. Baggy jeans and a bikini top. That night. Fuck. Shit. I don’t want to relive that night. 

“I promise, I won’t tell Merle.” She says, handing me her lighter. And I smoke it. Inhaling the vapor slowly like she had. “You gotta sip at it, like it’s a coffee and you’re drinking the air to see if it’s still too hot. Roll the bowl or it will burn.” I do it the way she says. She’s like ten years younger than me, but she looks at me - talks to me like it don’t matter. Like she don’t see it that way. Guess I don’t either, never really did. 

I’d never wanted to smoke it before. But that night I wanted to. With her. Woulda done anything she’d asked that night ‘fore she ruined it. I ruined it. Til it got all fucked up an’ it was never the same again. Not the way I saw her, not the way she looked at me. 

I’m goin’ through memories like they’re happening all over again. Feelin’ fuckin’ sick. I don’t wanna remember this. 

I hand the pipe back to her and she asks, “How do you feel?” 

“Fine.” 

“Just fine?” She smiles. 

“Good.” I clarify. 

“Good.” 

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “I think I like you, Beatle.” 

She laughs too hard, “you think?” I feel myself getting sicker and angry again all at once. 

I split in half. One half feelin’ those same feelings I felt. That this conceited fuckin’ bitch really acts like everyone likes her. I hear her words and it sounds like she’s sayin’ ‘well obviously’ - but the other halfa me hears it like a real question. Like she wanted ta know what I meant. I don’t remember how I responded then, but I can hear myself say it, “Self-obsessed cunt.” 

Beatle laughs, “Is that what you like about me?” 

My misunderstanding continues; Thought she was pickin’ on me. Makin’ funna me. All these years. All this time. Thought she was fuckin’ laughin’ at me. Never told a girl I liked her. Not that I never did like one, just never told ‘em. Not like some teenage fuckin’ confessional. And I do and what?  she just laughs.  

Shit. 

Cuz inside ‘m screaming. Screamin’ at myself ta say somethin’ different. To jus’ tell her. She’s special, she’s exciting, and when she smiles at the shit I say it makes me feel like I’m the only one in the fuckin’ world to her. Tha’s what she wants ta here. Tha’s why she’s askin’. 

“Nah. Forget it.” She nods, and I thought she did forget it.  She forgot until she brings it up again in the memory I already re-lived. 

Tha’s how I was so damn sure she didn’t give a single shit about if I liked her or not. Didn’t bring it up again for months. Didn’t give a single shit about me at all. Felt stupid for ever thinkin’ she might. Just a dumb crush on a dumb girl, and I forgot everything about it. An’ every little thing she did that made me like ‘er ended up as somethin’ else I hated.  And every time I saw her after that she was fucked up on somethin’. Meth or booze or weed. Usually all three. 

It comes at me like a fuckin’ freight train, her lips crashing into mine, but this time I want it. Don’t wanna stop kissin’ ‘er. Instead my arms move and I push her down to the ground. She’s wearing the crop top again, can tell she’d been cryin’. She’s layin’ there in the rocks lookin’ up at me and I flash back to the living room where this happened, where she’d told me she liked me back. I wanna beat the shit outta myself for makin’ her look like that. 

How didn’t I see it? 

I did see it. I just didn’t care. Thought I knew what kinda girl did those kinds’a things. 

Wonderin’ what kind of old man she had. What kinda boyfriends before she met me. How maybe she’s just as fuckin’ scared’a feelin’ stuff as I am. How maybe it took her months to even get up the courage to tell me after I’d told ‘er never mind and slowly started to hate her. How many’a those drinks were for courage? How many’a those hits were cuz she was nervous?

Shit. 

And she’s runnin’ away like she did then. Away from me an’ outta my life until a few weeks ago. I know it ain’t real but I run after her anyway. Screamin’ her name into the open air like maybe somehow I can change it if I can get her to come back. But she’s gone and ‘m still running tryin’ to find her. Screaming for her ‘til my throats hoarse. 

‘Til the walkers hear me. 

✨🏹

Andrea fuckin’ shot me. What is wrong with this fuckin’ group?

✨🏹

Beatle’s in the bedroom with me but I can’t look at ‘er. Don’t wanna. Feels like she knows what I was doin’ out in them woods without ‘er. Like she can see the dirty shit in my soul and for some reason it makes me ill. Can’t look at ‘er. Knowin’ I hurt ‘er like that all that time ago. Knowin’ it now like I ain’t ever known anything else. 

It’s just me ‘n her and she doesn’t try to talk to me. Just lets me lay there hatin’ myself for all of it. Didn’t even find Sophia. 

Spent a lot of my days in my life hatin’ myself. Thinkin’ I was good for nothin’. Now ‘m sure of it. 

I feel the bed move under the weight of her. She hugs herself around me, and like some pathetic kid I fuckin’ cry. Don’t know if she can tell or not but she tries comforting me anyway. “It’s okay, Dar. You did your best.” Her voice… how could I have ever thought it was annoying? Her bein’ so nice just makes me hate myself more. 

“Lea‘me alone, Beatle.” Shakin’ her arm out from around me. She gets off the bed and sits back in the chair she’d been in. God, I fuckin’ hate myself. Wanna scream No, come back. I didn’t mean it. 

Still got question’s that need answerin’. This time Beatles right here, and I ain’t got nothin’ to lose. “Why were you naked in Merle’s room?” Grateful that she’s sittin’ behind me. Don’t think I could talk to ‘er ‘bout this stuff if she was lookin’ at me. Right now? If I saw her face? Don’t think I could talk at all. 

She laughs. Fuck her stupid fuckin’ laugh. “I still can’t believe you think I fucked around with Merle.” 

“Why not? Y’all hung out every other day.” My voice is sharp, feels like she’s laughin’ at me again. Always feels like everyone’s laughin’ at me. 

“We all hung out every other day, Dar.” 

“Stop callin’ me tha’.” 

“I was carpet surfing. Your dumbass brother spilled all the schkag all over the damn place.” 

Oh…. But, “Ya didn’t have any clothes on.” 

“I never had any clothes on, Daryl. You sure I wasn’t just wearing something ‘slutty’? You know, like you always said I was? Cuz I don’t remember, but I’ve never been naked with Merle. Ever. Sounds fuckin’ gross.”

Oh. 

It made sense. Makes so much sense, ‘specially now. She keeps talkin’ an’ ‘m grateful cuz if I tried to say anything else I’d start fuckin’ cryin’ again. “I liked you, man. I…” she stops herself. Wanna beg her to keep goin’ but I can’t. 

Instead I ask ‘er the only question I got left, “Why’d ya leave, then? Ya left ‘n ya never came back.” 

She’s silent for a long time. “When you and Merle moved, where’d you go?” 

She did come back. 

“Why’d ya leave, Beatle?” Doesn’t matter where Merle and I went. She’s avoidin’ the question. 

“Got sober. After that night… with you. Wanted to get sober. Wanted to…” she don’t say the rest but she don’t need to. I got it. Fuck, my heart can’t take it. 

“Cuz I said ya liked gettin’ fucked up more than ya liked me.” It ain’t a question. I know. 

“Think it was more the other thing you said.” 

Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle. I can still taste the words. “Shouldn’t’a said that to ya.” My voice is barely a whisper. 

She gets back up on the bed and puts her arm around me again, this time I don’t shake her away. Her voice, so close to my ear, “I didn’t want to tell you that I came back. I didn’t want you to know that I got sober for you.” 

What? “Why not?” 

“Wasn’t sure you’d care. And if you did… I didn’t want you to have all the what-ifs in your head that I have in mine.” 

She hugs herself into me so tight it’s hard to breathe, and she tells me, “It doesn’t matter anymore.” 

I feel guilty, can’t take any of that back. Can’t make any of it better. I don’t deserve this. Her. After all the nasty shit I ever thought about her. After what I did to her the other night. I can’t bring myself to tell her to leave cuz I know she wants to be here. Don’t wanna make her cry again. 

So I let her hold me. Even though I don’t fuckin’ deserve it. 

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲

54 for ⚡️:

---

“You’ll still see him as much as you see me,” Maddie says with a wink. “Which has always been acceptable to you.”

“Maddie, if you want to join the 118, I would not complain.”

“Oh, you might,” Chim says. “Maddie thinks we need a stricter shower schedule.”

“What?” Buck frowns. “I feel like I shower too much. We live in California.”

“You all come home smelling smoky way too often!” Maddie protests. 

“A single shower doesn’t get that out,” Eddie says. “Believe me.”

“We all smell great,” Buck says. “We smell great. Eddie, right?”

“Of course, darling,” Eddie says. Buck can’t tell if he’s appeasing him or not.

“The point is,” Buck says. “I will really miss working with you, Chim. And you’d better train a great replacement, because… Because our team has always needed you.”

Chim smiles and claps a hand on his shoulder.

“Thanks, Buck,” he smiles. “I’d never have believed it if you told 2017 me this, but I’ll really miss working with you, too.”

☆☆☆

“You’re really okay?” Eddie asks his husband later that night. “You’re fine?”

They’re laying in bed. Buck is clearly trying to sleep. It’s been a long day. First prepping for the party, then having the party, then putting Brooke to bed and cleaning up, then the whole Chim thing… Yeah. They’re both tired. Not even a remote chance of fooling around. Which, given Buck’s voracious appetite, says something. But still, Eddie can’t help but circle back. 

“Me?” Buck asks sleepily. He doesn’t even open his eyes. 

“No. The other man in this bed,” Eddie says. 

“Oh?” Buck asks, smirking. “That could be fun.”

“Shut up,” Eddie hits him with a pillow.

Buck finally opens his eyes and sits up in bed with a sigh. “Yes, I’m fine. I’ll miss him, but I’m fine.”

“You’re sure?” Eddie says.

“Yes,” Buck groans. “I thought we already did this when you and Bobby left. That was harder!”

---

54 for 🌲:

---

“Oh, fuck that, Eddie! You get to get hurt trying, but I don’t?”

“Yes!” Eddie bursts. “Exactly! You’re my little sister!”

“She’s my little sister!” Sophia snaps. 

“Oh, my god! I’m not a dog that got loose from the yard! This was all my choice!” Adriana reminds them. Loudly. “So stop fighting, right now. We’re mad at Mom, not each other. You’re being idiots.”

Eddie scoffs. “I never-”

“Idiots,” Adriana cuts him off. 

“Fine,” Eddie huffs. “Sorry, Soph. I should have called you sooner. If I was in a better headspace, I would have.”

Sophia sighs. “Thank you. And sorry, too. I know you’ve been… Going through it.”

“Thank you,” Eddie replies.

There’s a prolonged pause. Buck feels his heart racing. 

“Adriana, anything to say?” Sophia asks.

“Nope,” she shrugs. 

Eddie and Sophia groan. 

Buck’s lungs feel a little tight. Like he’s been holding his breath unintentionally. 

In the backseat, Sophia twists to look at him. When she sees his face, his tense expression, she snorts. 

“Oh my god, you’re white as a sheet. Did we scare you?” She asks. “Eddie, are you dating an only child?”

“That’s so the vibe!” Adriana agrees.

“I have a sister!” Buck protests. “We’re very close!”

Eddie sighs. “She’s nine years older than him.”

“Oh,” Sophia says. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” Buck demands. 

“You’re her baby,” Sophia says. 

[meiyoks]

heyy, there's not enough content about the kats and mastubation 😔. I would love to hear your thoughts on the members you write for!! if they're like toy girlies, pillow humpers 🫣, how loud the are or if they send videos, things like that (also because you mentioned Dani doing it in the gamer reader ask!). love your writing btw!!

give me some leniency here! this might be my most nsfw reply yet, and i'm not sure how my nsfw writing is. and thank you! i hope this one's good!

sophia is okay with just using her fingers, but she definitely prefers toys. she's told you before that she likes feeling full, and though her fingers can do it, toys are just easier. more often than not, she'll ride her toy and imagine that its you underneath her instead. she's a little self conscious about making noise when she's alone and tends to bite her lip to avoid making any noises that might get her caught. initially she was a little worried about sending you pictures or videos because the internet is terrifying sometimes, but as time goes on, she gets more comfortable with the idea. she'll tease you with lingerie pictures at first, which quickly escalate to her hands on her body, her fingers in her mouth. she'd rather send you voice clips though, because she knows what it does to you to hear her moaning your name.

manon is flexible with how she wants to do things, and it really just depends on her mood. sometimes she'll just use her fingers, but she has a little vibe too, and she'll hump her pillows when she feels like it. sometimes she gets creative and puts the vibe between her and the pillow and rocks into it. she's not too loud on her own, but if anyone passes by her door, they know what she's doing. little moans and gasps slip out before she can really stop them. she's also the most likely to send you pictures and videos of her touching herself, typically when you're busy and she knows you can't come home right away.

daniela is either using her fingers or she's humping her pillow, it just depends on if she'd rather feel full or if she just wants to tease herself. she's also big on playing with her chest, she's so sensitive and it works her up so quickly. dani is loud loud, to the point she sometimes waits until everyone is gone, but if she can't wait she'll muffle herself by sucking on her fingers or biting her pillow. she doesn't send pictures or videos every time, but you've gotten them before, and she's encouraged you to use them because she absolutely uses yours.

[ejzah]

A /N: A little Densi twins fic for @mashmaiden. Happy birthday!

***

This Perfect Moment

Blocks, sorting cups, and board books covered the floor around where Kensi and Deeks played with the twins. It was a typical scene for a Saturday morning, and one their favorite ways to start the weekend.,

“Ooh, wonder what’s in the bathtub,” Deeks said, tapping his chin dramatically as Caleb fumbled with the paper flap of their current book, “Spot’s Birthday”. When he finally flipped it open, he shouted,

“Epant.”

“That’s a hippo,” Kensi corrected with a smile and Caleb frowned at the picture.

“Hippo?”

“Mm-hmm.”

They finished the book with the twins taking turns opening the flaps and calling out animals. When they were done, Sophia grabbed two blocks and handed one to Deeks.

“Thank you. My favorite color.”

“Head,” Sophia told him, patting his hair emphatically, and Deeks nodded in sudden understanding.

“Oh boy, I think I feel a sneeze coming on,” he said while he nestled the blue block in the center of his hair. Sniffing a few times, he made a show of trying to hold back a sneeze, then let out a loud,

“Aaaaaah-choo!”

Sophia tipped her head back, laughing with such enthusiasm, the other three couldn’t help joining in.

“Gain!” Caleb requested as soon as the laughter stopped, handing Deeks another block. He put it on his head, catching both Caleb and Sophia’s eyes as he took an exaggerated breath.

“Aaaah,” Deeks said, then paused expectantly before finishing with a drawn out “Choo!”

Both twins burst into delighted giggles just like the first time, falling into each other. Personally, he thought it was one of the best sounds in the world.

“How about Mommy’s turn?” he suggested, and Caleb and Sophia ran over to get more blocks for Kensi.

“I don’t know if I can do this as well as daddy,” Kensi warned them. She made several false starts, throwing her head back and the end before emitting a tiny sneeze. For a second, Caleb and Sophia seemed confused, but then started imitating the little squeak.

Kensi leaned back against Deeks’ chest as the twins took turns setting blocks on each other’s heads and giggling madly when they fell off a few seconds later.

“Every day, I think can’t get any better, but it does,” she mused, one her hands curling around his bicep.

“It is pretty perfect.” Kissing her temple, Deeks snuggled Kensi closer, basking in the moment.

[my-mt-heart]

Thoughts on TBOC 205

Aside from the premiere, this was the easiest episode for me to watch, but at the same time, the tone and the characterization feel...off. As usual, my thoughts are based on a one-time pirated watch. Also as usual, Melissa McBride crushes her performance. If only she had been given stronger material...

I mentioned in my 204 "review" that Daryl's and Carol's dynamic felt like that of a divorced couple and I'm still feeling that here. Daryl is clearly offended by the hypothetical idea of Carol telling Ash that he was her brother and insists that he be with Carol when she talks to him. Carol is clearly uncomfortable when a dancer gets too close to Daryl at the nightclub (side note: Carol's reaction to the nightclub has a lot of storytelling potential that Zabel instead uses to draw the male gaze. Unsurprising, but still disheartening). What does Caryl's "divorced" energy mean exactly? Nothing if Zabel doesn't pay it off and unfortunately I don't think he ever intends to. We need a new showrunner for that.

Daryl's surprised reaction to Sophia is just ridiculous to me. He's always been incredibly in tune with Carol's feelings—that's what makes them soulmates—and he just saw her struggling in front of a barn in the last episode. He really can't put the pieces together? And why is Daryl acting so far removed? As if Sophia isn't his trauma too? I'll talk about this more for 206, but I strongly dislike how Zabel tries build up to Daryl finally comforting her the way he should have immediately, and would have if he was in character. It's completely unnecessary and it robs the characters/audience of true emotional growth.

Carol notices a man on a bike that reminds her of the Daryl she watched ride away from the CW, like she's still searching for that Daryl, and it breaks my heart. She starts seeing Sophia too, but again, Daryl can't be there for her because he's preoccupied with thoughts of a child he's known for two months. Naturally Carol tries to be there for him, and at first he tells her he doesn't want to talk about it. Since when does Daryl not feel safe being vulnerable with Carol? Why is he so closed off? I can't wrap my head around it.

In typical Zabel fashion, Laurent is used as a mouthpiece to shove Isabelle's "love" for Daryl down the audience's throats despite the fact that Clemence never played it that way once. I really need the stooges and the supporting characters to stop projecting onto Daryl. They are all just wrong.

Carol listens to Daryl’s recording he made in S1 and I’m not sure what the point of it is since he already told her last episode that he was trying to get back to her. You know what would’ve been more interesting? If the recording revealed something new that the audience hasn’t heard yet and surprised Carol as well, like Daryl addressing her specifically, telling her how much he loved her.

When shots of the car scene cropped up in teasers, it was heavily speculated that Ash would die. I'm glad the scene subverted my expectations and actually tapped into some humor, but the whole thing also highlights Zabel's sloppy writing. How did this man survive the ZA this long if he can't even shut a door without hurting himself? And why, once he's fully conscious again, does he not comment on Daryl's and Carol's relationship? If Carol was willing to manipulate him just to find this other guy, what does that say about who Daryl is to Carol? Is Ash not suspicious or at the very least curious? It's another example of how TPTP try so hard to pull attention away from Caryl to the point where it's extremely frustrating and inorganic.

Another way tptb resist the undeniable chemistry between Caryl is by separating them. Daryl gets to do the cool action sequence while Carol is left behind to get yelled at by a man. Seeing the toxic dude bros rip Carol apart for lying to Ash has been difficult, and to be honest, it's the main reason why I could've done without that storyline. But I don't blame Carol for that. Zabel is the one who thinks manipulation is every woman's trademark, and as if that's not misogynistic enough, he takes every opportunity to punish Carol for it.

If there are any comparisons to be made between this season and S11 of the flagship show, they're in the penultimate and the finale episodes. Just like in S11, Carol is kept away from the main mission to essentially do busy work. I'm all for highlighting an emotional arc over mindless action, but not when it creates a power imbalance between two characters and two actors who are supposed to be leading this show together. It solidifies for me that Norman, Zabel, Nicotero, and Gimple are insecure about the show’s positioning. They need it to be Daryl's show while Carol is just a sidekick. They're all marking their territory for their own reasons. Melissa deserves so much better from Norman and so much better than the other three.

One more episode to go and thank fuck for that.

[thiswasinevitableid]

Care taking (Jopzier)

Next in my @theterrorbingo row is "Babysitter AU"

Big thanks to @bellafarallones for playing in this space on discord! This fill is NSFW

Francis Rawdon Moira Crozier may have found his undoing.

It’s not his shaky, new-found sobriety. 

Or the fact he’s staying indefinitely with his sister, brother in law, and two nieces after things ended (again) with Sophia. 

No. The thing that is going to send him right over the edge is the fucking babysitter. 

When Claire offered to let Crozier stay, he told her he’d be happy to look after his nieces whenever needed as part of carrying his weight. 

“I appreciate the offer, but we’ve had a nanny for four months now who’s doing brilliantly.”

Crozier pictured an elderly woman tucking the wains in at night. 

What he got was a young man with eyes that seemed far older than the rest of him. And the rest of him is neatly dressed and handsome enough that Crozier has to look elsewhere whenever the lad bends over. 

“This is Thomas.” Ian, his brother in law, gestures to the young man helping the four year old Moira and the five year old Deidre put away their toys.

The dark haired man stands, and instead offering his hand, gives a little bow-nod, “It’s nice to meet you, sir.”

“You as well. Glad to know the family has someone helping with these two wild little things.” He waves at his nieces, who wave back with limited enthusiasm.

 He can’t blame them; Uncle Francis has been a sullen, perpetual drunk for the bulk of their short lives. He hopes the presents he brought them when he arrived might earn him some fondness until he can show them he isn’t a miserable bastard all the time. 

“It’s no trouble at all, sir. They’re a fine pair.” He smiles down at the girls, “provided they don’t stall on washing their hands so long that we only have time for lunch and not dessert.”

He gives Francis a wink as the girls scurry off to the bathroom.

When he and Ian are back in the hall, Francis murmurs, “Polite lad, that one.”

“You’ve no idea. Half the time he responds far quicker to Jopson, his last name, than to Thomas. Claire thinks he might have time traveled from Victorian London.” He smiles, “but the girls do like him, and listen to him, and he’s constantly trying to help around the house without us even asking. Swear Claire nearly chased him out of the kitchen with a broom so he’d let her handle the cleaning in there.”

Francis gives a sympathetic shudder; his sister, like his father and grandmother before her, runs her kitchen with an exacting system that only a fool would try to understand. 

“Does he live in town?” Francis stops at his room, hoping his laptop is charged enough that he can start on the speech he’s meant to give in ten days. 

“He may have, but we specifically requested a live-in, so he stays here.”

And stay he does. Around the girls as they play, at the edges of conversation in the living room, moving shockingly quietly through the estate. The trouble is, in the two weeks since Crozier arrived, the boy has been staying near him, too.

He wants to bristle; he has no need of a babysitter. He’s not a invalid, he’s not even a drunk anymore. He can care for himself quite capably. 

But he doesn’t have it in him to turn the lad away. Crozier didn’t come from money; It’s novel, nice even, to have someone appear at his elbow asking if he’d like more tea, or set an umbrella out for him without being asked.

His only chance is to keep his distance where he can. Not let himself form a connection with Jopson. Because if even the mildest intimacy forms between them, the dark-haired man won’t be able to walk a foot without Crozier kissing him. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thomas has no illusions about his relationship to authority. It’s never come from some puppyish desire to be liked; it’s simply been that he needed to stay in the good graces of the men who ran the social services, the schools, the workplaces where his presence was so reliant on obedience and the charity of others. 

So he’s diligent, precise, takes care in his work and these days takes pride in it as well. He’s content to linger at the edges of the scene, only stepping in when needed. The Flahertys are good to him, and he’s fond of Moira and Deidre. 

He intended for his deference to and assistance of Mr. Crozier to stay in the same category. But he’s growing attached to the older man to a degree he can’t quite understand.

The girls are napping in the other room as Thomas finishes loading the laundry. As he walks back upstairs, basket on his hip, he passes Crozier’s office. 

“Goddamn buggering fuck.”

Try as he might to ignore it, Crozier’s gift for profanity amuses him. 

He sets the basket down and peers into the room, “Everything alright, sir?”

“Jesus!” Crozier jolts, “oh, yes, everything is fine. The damned router is out again and I really do need to record this video lecture. I’ll just reset the thing.”

“Allow me.” Thomas crouches, crawling under the large, wooden desk. Crozier’s time in the navy is obvious even here; his cords are actually organized as opposed to a tangle. 

“It’s really alright. My knees aren’t that bad.”

“I’m already down here, sir.” He unplugs the router, waits, then plugs it back in, back and hips at an odd angle all the while, “not to mention I overheard Mrs. Flaherty talking about how you injured one not that long ago.”

“Re-injured.” Crozier’s voice has gone a little gruff. Not unpleasantly so, “my own damned fault. And not half as worth it as the original. James always was a terror at making me rush up glaciers far too fast.”

Thomas doesn’t miss the fondness given to the name. He crawls backwards, sits on his heels, “Has that done it?”

Crozier clicks at the laptop, “Aye. Thank you for the help, lad.”

The former captain looks down at him, and Thomas is suddenly very aware that he’s on his knees with the expression of a man awaiting an order, and it would be better if he stood before Crozier thinks he’s offering something inappropriate. 

The older man tilts his own chin with a small smile, “Up you get. If my sister thinks I’m making you crawl about the floor I’ll get an earful and that’s for certain.”

Thomas stands, excusing himself with a reminder that he’s happy to help as needed, and leaves with the frustrating thought that he’d like Crozier to smile at him constantly. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Crozier’s never been the most talented at hiding his emotions. He can manage a stoic or disinterested mask, but the truth tends to seep around the edges given enough time. Or booze. 

He supposes he should be grateful, then, that the errands Thomas is accompanying him on are brief and alcohol-free. After a month together, Crozier’s found that the sight of Thomas in well-fitting pants makes him certain he could rip the fabric with his bare hands. This is not helped by the fact Thomas is increasingly comfortable in his presence, and uses the time he isn’t watching the girls to help Crozier in his office, a task which somehow always involves him bending over or on tip-toe to clean, making Crozier painfully aware of an ass that would undoubtedly be pleasant to pinch.

“I think that’s everything.” Thomas looks at his phone as Crozier stands in the toy aisle of some big box store–he wasn’t paying attention to which–considering his next act of bribery. 

“I’ll choose something for the girls, then we can go. I’ve a better sense now of what they actually like.”

“They enjoyed the gifts you brought, sir.”

Crozier shoots him an amused look; they’ve both seen the things lying mostly untouched on the playroom floor. 

Thomas offers a smile of mild, deferential defeat, “I do wish you’d asked for my help choosing them.”

“I wasn't even in the house. Can't very well make you work for me before I'm even here. Really, you needn't be helping me now.”

“It’s my job, sir, and I’m grateful for it.” 

It’s a mercy Thomas looks so prim saying such things; if he looked even a little playful, anyone passing by would assume Francis was an old lech engaged in some kind of perpetual roleplay. 

He selects something called a “scribble scrubble” dinosaur set and a set of LEGOs themed to pirates. Stealing a glance at Thomas, he sees the younger man give him a nod. 

“They’re fond of playing arctic explorers, and have been since they overheard you telling your sister about your 2002 voyage.”

He raises a brow, “Are they making you play the put-upon captain? Or a polar bear perhaps?”

“No, sir. A penguin.” Thomas is doing a poor job of hiding his smile and so Crozier encourages it.

“Aye, that seems a finer fit. Upright and dapper creatures, much like yourself.”

Thomas blushes and ducks his head, pushing the hair that’s forever falling across his brow back into place. 

Crozier wonders what Thomas would do if he were to tuck it back for him. Perhaps he’d melt into the touch; the grasping hands of the nieces aside, the younger man doesn’t get much contact. That could make him charmingly responsive, let Crozier hear what he likes and just how much he likes it…

They really ought to head home. 

Thomas is watching him, clearly awaiting whatever order he sees fit to give. 

“How about we stop for lunch on our way back? I’m starving.”

—----------------------------------------------------------

Coats, sweaters, and button-ups hang in a neat row as Thomas shuts Croziers wardrobe. The girls have started at school, so he has more time during the day to tend house. 

More importantly, he has more time to see to Crozier. 

He knows the older man is still polishing his reputation back to the level it once was; captaining several polar expeditions as well as other fraught journeys in northern regions means he’s in demand for lectures, videos, and the like. The years of alcoholism mean those demands dwindled for a time. 

So Thomas refills his tea and tidies the office (once Crozier explained his basic system of organization, Thomas found it easy to follow). Familiarizes himself with which notes and books related to which topics and missions courtesy of Croziers practice lectures. 

He’s also a tad proud of himself for reaching a point where the captain calls him over to show him photos or artifacts; Crozier's speech is as companionable as his silence, and Thomas is glad for his growing number of excuses to seek out both. 

His employers are often gone in the evenings, working or networking and the kind of functions Thomas will only ever see from the sidelines. Crozier prefers to stay in his study, and if it’s just the two of them, once the girls are in bed (only after their uncle comes and reads to them) he’ll often settle in with a cup of tea in the same room in which Thomas is reading or mending (well-behaved as they are, his charges are still children and therefore masters of ripping seams, losing buttons, tearing blouses in new and exciting ways). 

Thomas usually turns in first, bone-tired. This has also become a way of preserving his dignity. One night he and the captain talked late into the night and so got ready for bed at the same time. Thomas, in the blue sleep pants and old t-shirt he uses for pajamas, wandered back out to retrieve his phone at the exact same moment Crozier stepped from the bathroom in only a towel. 

One brief “oh, excuse me sir” and then he was back in his room, wondering if the blush racing up Crozier’s chest looked beautiful on the rest of him, too. 

—------------------------------------------------------------------

Crozier knows he’ll get credit with Claire for being a good sport. This two day affair with her and Ian’s friends is, in her words, “the perfect chance to stop moping.”

She’s only scolded him about it once since they arrived. He decided it was best not to tell her what he was actually thinking of. 

“There we are, sir.” Thomas finishes brushing down Crozier’s jacket. Thomas has taken to helping him dress for events, and while it’s an odd thing to be fussed over Crozier isn’t about to turn down a chance to have Thomas touch him. 

“Not too much?” He studies himself in the mirror, the deep blue suit doing not unkind things for his coloring.

“I’ve seen what Mrs. Flaherty is wearing, this is very much a dress to impress occasion.”

“Two fucking days of one.”

“Just dinner tonight, then brunch and an early dinner tomorrow. It’ll be over before you know it, sir.” He can hear Thomas smiling at his grumbling. God help him, if the lad actually likes him even with his bristles up…

“We could just send you in my place. You’d make a far better fit at this kind of party.”

“You flatter me sir.” Thomas looks down, and Crozier wishes he wouldn’t; he’s very fond of his eyes. 

His self-appointed assistant frowns, “Sit on the bed.”

Crozier obeys as Thomas hunts through the dresser for something. 

“Do you have shoe polish, sir?”

“Erm. Somewhere. It’s in one of the boxes I haven’t fully emptied.”

Thomas tuts and leaves the room. When he returns, he kneels in front of Crozier without preamble.

“I’ve nothing for you to rest them on so-” he pats his right thigh, indicating that Crozier should set his foot on it. 

Heat moves from his collar to the tips of his ears in an instant, “Thomas, you needn’t-”

The younger man looks up through his lashes with a silent command that puts admirals to shame. 

Crozier lifts his foot as instructed. Thomas makes short, clean work of polishing each shoe. All the while Crozier itches to run his fingers through his dark hair, or cup his chin so he’ll pause his task long enough for a kiss. 

Instead he keeps his hands firming in his lap until Thomas is putting the tin of polish back into the box. 

“Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure, sir.” Thomas makes to stand but wobbles. 

Crozier steadies him at the elbow, sets his free hand on his shoulder, “Easy, lad. When’d you last eat?”

“This morning, sir.”

Crozier indulges himself and pats Thomas gently on the side, “then you’ll be sure to make yourself a nice dinner tonight, hm? Wouldn’t do to have you faint on me.”

From here, he catches how Thomas stiffens slightly at the touch, even as he stays practically in Crozier’s lap, “No, sir, it wouldn’t.” 

He murmurs some assent to Claire’s comment. 

She whacks his forearm with the back of his hand, “you weren’t listening at all.”

“I resent that-” He stops as he follows his sister's gaze to the far end of the room. 

“What is Sophia doing here?”

“That’s what I just said. I’ve no idea who she came with.”

He wants to turn around and hurl himself into the open bar. 

“I’m calling a ride home.”

“Francis, we can just-”

“It’s alright.” He kisses her brow, “I’m not ready to face her somewhere like this, not just yet, without some liquid courage I can’t let myself have. But I won’t spoil your and Ian's time either. If anyone asks, tell them an old sailors stomach like mine is prone to upset.”

She doesn’t argue, and Crozier manages to sneak himself and his overnight bag out the door without anyone commenting. 

Traffic means his ride gets him home close to ten p.m. The girls must be asleep, but soft music from the kitchen means Thomas is still up and about. 

Thomas is at the window, looking out into the garden, playlist drifting from his phone on the counter. There’s a bottle of dessert wine on the counter near a half-full glass, along with a cutting board containing some of the pricier snacks from the pantry. 

“Feeling peckish?”

Thomas jolts, whirling in place. He’s holding a jar of the spread Clair buys that’s just expensive  Nutella. There’s a spoon sticking from it, and his mouth is obviously full. 

When he swallows, it’s with genuine alarm in his face, “Yes, sir. I, the jar was nearly empty, sir. It’s all odds and ends, really.” He indicates the food. 

“Figured it was somesuch; you’re not a greedy one.” He shucks his jacket, tossing it on one of the stools at the kitchen island. Nearly laughs when he spies the affronted look Thomas gives the now rumpled fabric, “pass me some.”

Thomas slides the board closer. 

“The wine, too.”

He says it out of habit, realizes once he has that he would strangle a man for a drink right about now. 

Thomas studies him, hesitating, then moves the bottle closer to himself.

Crozier raises a brow. 

“She told me not to let you drink. And” he takes a deep breath, “and I won’t have you falling off the wagon on my watch, sir.”

A maelstrom of feeling whips up in his chest; annoyance, first with the lad and then himself, gratitude, exhaustion, and so much affection he’s liable to faint. 

“Sir?”

Of course. His default expression means that Thomas must think he’s about to be let go. Or slapped. 

He sighs, sitting heavily down on the stool, “She doesn’t pay you nearly enough to deal with me. Get me a glass of water at least, so I’ve something to keep in my hands.”

And so he thinks as Thomas turns and fetches one from the cabinet, I don’t put them on you.

Nerves are still clear in the younger man’s posture, so Crozier waits until he turns and sets the water on the island to set a hand on his arm, “You’re not in trouble, lad. Really I ought to be thanking you for saving me from my sorry self.”

“As far as I can tell, you did the hard part on your own.”

Crozier helps himself to a handful of almonds, “Suppose you could look at it that way. Though it has left me with more of a craving for sweet things.” He winks before standing and opening the pantry, “I swear she has more of those good truffles in here. And Iberico ham hidden somewhere. Stuff is a damn sight better than any of the sad stuff you used to get at Easter dinners, eh lad?”

“I’ve never actually had it. Not sure I’ve got much of a palate; it was mostly canned ham or bologna growing up.”

Crozier winces; of course, Thomas has mentioned his childhood was far from luxurious. 

“Well then, consider this as making up for lost time.” He finds what he’s looking for, brings the remaining ham out to join the rest of the counter-top meal and sets the chocolates in front of Thomas. 

They talk about what he and the girls got up to after school, and about the party, and Crozier finds himself relaxing as they do. This is helped by adorable intensity with which Thomas devours the truffles; he’ll have to keep that in mind come his birthday. 

“You’ve got some-” Crozier reaches out and brushes away the stray bit of chocolate at the corner of Thomas’ mouth. 

Thomas smiles at the touch, eyes closed, then turns his head and plants a single, small kiss on Crozier’s wrist. When his eyes open, he’s watching Crozier with quiet confidence. 

“Careful, lad.” Crozier draws his thumb down the curve of Thomas’ lower lip, “tease me too much and I might try something.”

In a flash, Thomas leans over the corner of the island and kisses him. It’s quick, far too quick, so Crozier grips his sweater, holding him in place. That decisiveness must have been what Thomas needed, as the last of the tension falls from his shoulders and he all but splays himself over the corner to press them closer.

He kisses with the earnestness of someone who does it well but not often, a theory born out as Crozier kisses down to his jaw, then his neck. The lad shivers like he’s in a polar storm, hands dropping to cling to Croziers belt loops. 

Then one sneaks into a pocket and palms him through it; sensitive but not a shrinking violet. Oh yes, Crozier is going to enjoy this immensely. 

When they break the kiss, Thomas looks at him with wonder, as if he can’t quite believe this is happening. Crozier’s certain he looks the same. 

“So I wasn’t imagining those looks, hm?”

“‘Av’ent any idea what you mean, sir” Thomas grins teasingly. 

Crozier wraps his arms around him in reply, brushing their noses together, “The wains are asleep?”

“Tucked in and snoring for hours.”

“Good. Then up to the bedroom with you.” He pats Thomas on the cheek, and the lad is out of the kitchen without even pausing to tidy up. 

Crozier is flattered. 

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------

And to think Thomas had been so certain the captain would be mad at him for refusing to pass the wine. 

Now they’re halfway up the stairs, Crozier giddier than he’s ever seen him and Thomas finding it hard to keep his feet with how often he turns to look at the other man. 

He stumbles and hand swats fondly at his ass, “Eyes front.”

“Easy for you to say, you’ve the nice view ahead of you.”

“Aye, I do.” They reach the landing and Crozier catches him by the waist for another kiss. Thomas drags him through the door, only realizing he’s gone to his room out of habit until he’s flopped backwards onto his bed.

“We should switch, your bed’s bigger and-”

“Lad.” Crozier is halfway out of his dress shirt, “if you think I’m delaying any longer just to go where it’ll be harder to keep right on top of you, you’ve another thing coming.”

“Of course, captain.” Thomas pulls free of his sweater, and when he looks up Crozier is now standing at the edge of the bed beside him. He’s down to his undershirt and trousers, tattoos and freckled arms fully on display for Thomas to enjoy. 

“Think we’re well past honorifics.” He sets a hand on either of Thomas' shoulders, “it’s just Francis.”

“Francis.” Saying it feels more intimate than the kiss did.

“Thomas.” He bends and kisses him once, as if he’s something to be savored, something priceless that requires every ounce of his attention, “or should I call you Tom?”

“Only boyfriends ‘ave.” God damn it, that’s the second time his tongue has slipped. 

“Does that mean I’m allowed?” Francis is still smiling, but his eyes have gone sad. No, not sad, resigned. Like he already suspects the answer.

“Yes” Thomas is tired of so much distance between them, and so he pulls Francis down, landing them in a graceless pile on the mattress. 

“Now there’s fine news” Francis is grinning like a schoolboy on the last day of the term, straddling Thomas and kissing him. This interferes with Thomas’ ability to get the blue slacks off, and he can’t suppress an annoyed huff. Francis laughs and finishes the job for him. 

Thomas intends to get his first look at what was under that towel he’s been imaging for weeks, but he can’t bear to look away from Francis’ face just yet. The older man notices and raises a curious brow. 

“I like your smile.” Thomas reaches up, tracing a finger over his cheek. 

“Why I’ll never know. Has a gap in it the size of the Bering Sea.”

“It’s perfect.” Thomas kisses his lower lip, “really, sir, you should be kinder to yourself.”

Francis is too busy blushing to chide him for the formality, “I know what I look like, Tom. I’ve too many freckles and pale hair and a body that’s seen better days-”

“I disagree. And I” an idea flashes across his mind, sending blood south in a rush, “if you insist on continuing to speak badly about my boyfriend there will be consequences.”

“Oh?” Francis grins with amused excitement, “going to put my ancient ass over your knee?”

“As a matter of fact-” Thomas wriggles free, sitting up and rolling the eager man across his lap.

Francis only laughs harder after his first hit, “You’ll have to try harder on my leathery hide than that.”

Thomas slaps him twice more, then brings his hand down on the right thigh for good measure. That makes Francis groan, and so Thomas attacks the same spot with a flurry of slaps, spurred on when he notices the soft shape of Francis cock rutting against his leg

“Good goddamned christ alive.” Francis is still smiling, he can hear it, even as he fumbles for a pillow.

Thomas passes one to him, and is rewarded with Francis’ expression of half-lidded bliss as he looks back at him. 

“Can’t make too much noise; we wake the girls doing this we’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Of course. Besides, this’ll keep you from continuin’ to argue with me about your looks.”

“Nothing keeps me from an argument if it needs to be had. Just ask James. Either of them.” The remark is muffled, as is the resulting yelp as Thomas lays into the left side of his ass and the thigh below. 

“You wouldn’t be sayin’ such things if you could see what I do. Never seen an ass look so fine all pink like this. It was made for this kind of treatment.”

Francis moans and Thomas pinches the reddest patch of skin until the other man cants his hips back, then glides his hand between his legs to tease at his cock.

“Mm, if I’d known you liked this, would have done this sooner. Never lay a hand on the girls, but you can be so stubborn at times a firmer touch is called for.”

“Wish you’d give it then.” Francis mumbles, cursing and laughing all at once when Thomas responds with the desired battery of slaps. 

His hand smarting, he rolls Francis onto his back, the man only half visible through the hair that’s fallen across Thomas’ eye, “Well? Learnt your lesson?”

“Thoroughly.” Francis reaches up, pushing the hair back into place, “though I may ask you for another reminder soon. And for…for more of those compliments you’re so eager to pay me.”

Thomas sits back on his knees, then leans forward to push up the white undershirt, kissing each inch of skin as it’s revealed, “I’ll give them everyday. I want to. God, fuck” affection for the man beneath him wells up and he pauses, resting his cheek on his belly, “want you so fuckin’ bad it ‘urts.”

A warm hand tenderly strokes his head, “Your accent’s coming out.”

“Happens when I get overwhelmed. Or drunk.”

“I like it.” Francis’ fingers are scritching his scalp now, “known plenty of men who took pride in it.”

“I…it was safer to learn to hide it. Growing up, I mean. Makes it easier to be taken seriously, and I needed to be to make things better for my siblings.”

“Fucking bullshit is what it is.” Francis coaxes him up until they’re face to face, “my dear Tom, always having to look out for or after someone.”

“I don’t mind it. In a lot of ways I like it.”

“I don’t doubt that, lad. But I think it’s high time someone looked after you. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” His voice is soft in Thomas’ ear as he kisses his jaw and nuzzles his cheek, “like your captain to take care of you?”

“Please. God” He gasps as Francis wraps a hand around his cock. It’s been half-hard since they landed in bed, and it only takes a few strokes before it’s at attention.

“Always so quick to cooperate.” Francis kisses down his face and throat. 

Thomas moans; he hasn’t had a date in a year, let alone a partner, and every small sensation sets him tingling. He hides his face against the captain's neck, savoring that he not only has his attention, his touch, but that he doesn’t have to stay in perfect control to keep them. 

A fond chuckle as Francis switches his free hand to stroking along his ribs and down his ass, “Some other night, when we’re not so tired, I think I’ll tie you down and see to it that you relax properly. Your handsome for me now, shaking like the prettiest leaf on the tree, I wonder how you’ll fare after an hour of being spoiled as you truly deserve.”

He cums without warning, mouthing at Francis’ collarbone as he moans in his arms. The energy draining from his limbs wars with the fanatical desire for Francis to make use of his mouth, his hand, ass, any part of him. 

The captain settles the fight for him. 

“That’s all for tonight, love.” 

“But you-”

“The damned thing isn’t as quick to rise as it used to be. And while the body wants to hold you down and show you exactly what I’ve thought of every time you bent over in my study” he smooths Thomas’ hair with his clean hand, “all the spirit wants is to sleep in your arms."

“I’d like that very much.” He murmurs.

They clean up quickly, and Thomas pads down the hall to check on the girls a final time. When he returns, Francis is naked under the covers, arms open as Thomas climbs under to join him. 

After a few moments of precarious cuddling, Thomas whispers, “any chance of that room change now?”

Francis kisses him, the kind that’s half-promise and half-reward, “Aye, good idea lad. Let’s go.”

[alyssaforevermore]

Unearthed ↦ Daryl Dixon season one, part two

Synopsis: Based on the events of The Walking Dead television series, Y/N Grimes, younger sister of Rick Grimes, attempts to survive in a world now inhabited by walkers. Family has always meant everything to her, but in this new world, can she keep her family safe and together?

Show: The Walking Dead (S1-S11)

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x fem!Reader

Warnings: coarse language, violence, character deaths, drug and alcohol references, series spoilers and general The Walking Dead content warnings!

Tags: @1ivinqdeadqir1 @callmeyn @thegeorgiahuntsman @mellxander1993 @bigbaldheadname @cjmonsterwolf @abbi23323 @actuallyklee

Masterlist

Later that night, you sat around the campfire with your family and other members of the camp. Rick was recounting his journey here, but you couldn’t quite seem to focus on anything he was saying.

You couldn’t get that look on Shane’s face out of your head; the one when he saw your brother. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t explain it away. That feeling twisting in your stomach, making you question what Shane had told you that night. Had he simply made a mistake or was there something more to the story?

It killed you to question him; he had saved your life, after all. He had saved the life of your entire family. Rick had been his best friend their entire lives and you had to believe Shane would never just lie about something like that.

“I felt like I’d been ripped out of my life and put somewhere else.” Rick spoke. “For a while I thought I was trapped in some coma dream, something I might not wake up from ever.”

Carl’s response finally grabbed your full attention. “Mom said you died.”

You looked at Shane, his face white as a ghost as his eyes were fixed on your brother. 

Rick nodded, his voice soft. “She had every reason to believe that. Don’t you ever doubt that.” 

“When things started getting really bad, they told us at the hospital that they were going to medevac you and other patients to Atlanta, but it never happened.” Lori spoke up.

“Well, I’m not surprised after Atlanta fell.” Rick responded. “From the look of that hospital, it got overrun.”

“Yeah, looks don’t deceive.” Shane finally spoke up. “I barely got them out, you know?”

Rick looked at you, his lips curled downwards. “Were you there when-“

You shook your head. “I had a shift that evening, but I hadn’t stayed there that night.”

This was the first time since the fall that you wished you had been there. Rick was alive all this time; you kept thinking about how if you’d stayed, maybe you could have felt a pulse that Shane didn’t. Maybe you could have gotten your brother out of there. Maybe, just maybe, you would’ve never left to begin with.

Rick’s eyes shifted to Shane, a small smile forming across his face. “I can’t tell you how grateful I am to you, Shane. I can’t begin to express it.”

Dale smiled, leaning back in his seat. “There go those words falling short again. Paltry things.”

The sound of a log being dropped into a nearby fire caught your attention. You glanced over at the Peletiers, Ed sitting back down in his seat. Every night since you’d all arrived here, he had insisted that his family have their own fire. He wanted to keep Carol and their daughter Sophia as far away from the rest of you as possible, and you knew why. It made your blood boil.

“Hey, Ed,” Shane spoke up. “You want to rethink that log?”

“It’s cold, man.” Ed responded.

“The cold don’t change the rules, does it?” Shane huffed. “Keep our fires low, just embers so we can’t be seen from a distance, right?”

“I said it’s cold. You should mind your own business for once.”

Clenching your fists, you went to stand up but stopped as Shane gave you a knowing look. Instead, he stood and walked over to Ed.

“Are you sure you want to have this conversation, man?” Shane asked, his eyes darting towards Carol and then back at Ed.

Ed thought for a moment, finally giving in. “Go on. Pull the damn thing out.”

Carol nodded, standing from her seat and quickly pulling the log from the fire. Shane shook his head, mumbling under his breath as he stomped the flames out. Finally, he knelt down in front of Carol and Sophia.

“How are y’all this evening?”

“We’re just fine.” Carol gave a small smile. “I’m sorry about the fire.”

Shane shook his head. “No apology needed. Y’all have a good night, okay?”

“Thank you.”

Shane stood back up. “I appreciate the cooperation.” He spoke to Ed before heading back over to his own seat.

Dale cleared his throat, everyone having clearly been watching the situation as intensely as you had. “Have you all given any more thought to Daryl Dixon? He won’t be happy to hear his brother was left behind.”

“I’ll tell him.” T-Dog announced. “I dropped the key. It’s on me.”

“I cuffed him.” Rick noted. “That makes it mine.”

“Guys, it’s not a competition.” Glenn spoke up. “I don’t mean to bring race into this, but it might sound better coming from a white guy.”

T-Dog shook his head. “I did what I did. Hell if I’m gonna hide from it.”

“We could lie.” Amy suggested.

“We need to tell him the truth.” Andrea responded. “Merle was out of control. Something had to be done or he'd have gotten us killed. Your husband did what was necessary. And if Merle got left behind, it is nobody's fault but Merle's.”

“Is that really going to help matters?” You asked. “We know Daryl isn’t going to be rational about this. It’s his brother. Hell, if I knew someone left Rick behind to die, nothing would stop me.”

You glanced at Shane out of the corner of your eye, him swallowing hard at your comment.

“I was scared and I ran. I’m not ashamed.” T-Dog said.

“We were all scared. We all ran. What’s your point?” Andrea asked.

“I stopped long enough to chain that door. Staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at any one time. It’s not enough to break through that… Not that chain, not that padlock. My point is, Dixon’s still alive and he’s still up there, handcuffed on that roof. That’s on us.”

The camp went silent, everyone reflecting on the conversation. Nobody really wanted to tell Daryl anything; he was a loose cannon, but nowhere near as bad as Merle. You just hoped that nobody would get hurt.

…

The next morning had started off fairly slow, everyone partially looking over their shoulders, anxiously waiting for Daryl to return. You stood by as Dale and a few other men took apart the car that Glenn had come back in. He was clearly devastated by the scene, his arms folded across his chest.

You felt a hand on your shoulder, almost causing you to jump out of your skin. “Good morning.” Rick spoke, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Good morning.” You smiled, pulling yourself together. “How did you sleep?”

“Better than I have in days.” He chuckled.

Glenn let out a huff, his arms falling to his sides. “Look at ‘em. Vultures.” Dale looked back at him, shaking his head. “Yeah, go on, strip it clean.”

“Generators need every drop of fuel they can get. Got no power without it. Sorry, Glenn.” Dale responded, carrying on his work.

“I thought I’d get to drive it for at least a few more days.”

“Maybe we’ll get to steal another one someday.” Rick smiled, before turning to you. “Have you seen Lori?”

You nodded. “I think she was folding laundry. I should probably join her.”

You lead Rick towards where Lori was standing, taking clothes off of the clothes line and folding them before placing them in neat piles. 

“Morning officer.” Lori smiled, noticing her husband coming up behind you.

Rick smiled, kissing his wife on the cheek. “Good morning.”

“Did you sleep okay?”

You began to help Lori, zoning out in the process. You always found peace in household chores. Just sitting in your living room folding laundry was one of the only times you didn’t really need to think; your job already took up enough of your brain power. It was now an escape from the worries that constantly plagued your mind. 

“Are you asking me or telling me?” Lori spoke, her voice hushed but pointed enough to grab your attention once more.

Rick swallowed hard. “I’m asking you.”

Before Rick had been shot, you knew of his constant arguments with Lori. He had always been cautious not to speak to you about it, but you were sometimes present for those moments. When Rick had found you all again against all odds, you had really hoped the arguing was behind them.

“Well, I think it’s crazy.” Lori responded, folding her arms over her chest. “I think it’s just about the stupidest way to break your son’s-“

Screams echoed across camp, your ears locking onto Carl’s voice calling for his mother.

“Carl?” Lori asked, her eyes darting across camp to try and figure out where the screams had come from.

Everyone sprung into action, grabbing weapons and rushing into the woods. You had managed to grab a wrench from Dale’s tool kit.

It wasn’t too long before you came across Carol, Sophia and Carl. 

“Dad!” Carl called out, rushing into Lori’s arms.

Lori fell to her knees, caressing Carl’s face. “Nothing bit you? Nothing scratched you?”

Carl shook his head, letting go of her. “No, I’m okay.”

Rick, Shane, Glenn, Jim, Morales and Dale continued further into the woods, you trailing close behind with a wrench in hand. 

You reached a small clearing, seeing a man hunched over the body of a deer. The sound of snarling filled your ears, urging you to position your wrench to swing at any moment.

The men began to circle the scene before them, catching the attention of the walker. His snarling intensified as a piece of the deer’s meat fell from his hands.

Rick took the first swing, hitting the walker in the head with his shovel. When that wasn’t enough, everyone else joined in, hitting it with as much force as they could muster. Finally, Dale took a swing with his ax, taking the walker’s head clean off.

Everyone struggled to catch their breath, you knelt over with your hands on your knees. 

“That’s the first one we’ve had up here.” Dale commented. “They never come this far up the mountain.”

“They’re running out of food in the city.” Jim spoke, wiping sweat off of his forehead.

You let out a sigh. “What does this mean for us? Are we even safe up here anymore?”

“It’s just one, right?” Glenn asked. “Maybe this is a one off.”

“We should still have a bit more time before more make their way up here, at the very least.” Dale responded.

Shane nodded. “We should start thinking more about safety measures, getting traps and tripwire signals set up.”

A twig snapped behind you, earning everyone’s attention as they held their weapons high once again. After a few moments, a familiar face poked his head out from behind the brush. Daryl.

“Oh, Jesus.” Shane huffed, lowering his gun.

“Son of a bitch, that’s my deer!” The man snapped, walking towards it. “Look at it. All gnawed on by this filthy, disease-bearing, motherless poxy bastard!” Daryl kicked the body of the walker with each word.

“Calm down, son.” Dale said. “That’s not helping.”

“What do you know about it, old man?” Daryl asked, getting into his face. “Why don’t you take that stupid hat and go back to On Golden Pond?” 

You shook your head. This was typical any time Daryl or Merle were around. You had begun to get used to the peace around camp without them here.

“I’ve been tracking this deer for miles.” Daryl bent down, grabbing his arrows from the deer. “Gonna drag it back to camp, cook us up some venison. What do you think? Do you think we can cut around this chewed up part right here?”

Shane shook his head. “I would not risk that, man.”

Daryl nodded. “That’s a damn shame. I got some squirrel—about a dozen or so. That’ll have to do for now.”

You looked back at the severed head of the walker, his teeth smashing together. Amy, who stood off to the side with Andrea, let out a gasp as she turned away.

“Come on, people. What the hell?” Daryl asked, loading up his crossbow and shooting the walker in the head. “It’s gotta be the brain. Don’t y’all know nothing?”

Daryl turned away, following Amy and Andrea back towards camp. You and Rick shared a knowing look, joining everyone in heading back there as well.

This was it.

“Merle!” Daryl called out, entering the main camp area. “Merle, get your ugly ass out here! I got us some squirrels, let’s stew them up.”

“Daryl, just slow up a bit.” Shane spoke, his voice calm. “I need to talk to you.”

Daryl turned to face him, his eyebrow arched. “About what?”

“About Merle. There was a—there was a problem in Atlanta.”

“Is he dead?”

“We’re not sure.”

Daryl shook his head. “He either is or he ain’t.”

Rick stepped forward, getting between Daryl and Shane. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just say it.”

“Who are you?”

“Rick Grimes.”

“Rick Grimes,” Daryl huffed. “You got something you want to tell me?”

“Your brother was a danger to us all, so I handcuffed him on a roof, hooked him to a piece of metal. He’s still there.”

Hold on, let me process this.” Daryl stepped back, facing away from everyone as he wiped his eyes. It took a moment before he turned back to Rick. “You’re saying you handcuffed my brother to a roof and you left him there?”

“Yeah.” 

Without missing a beat, Daryl flung the rope of squirrels at Rick before rushing to tackle him. Shane jumped into action, body slamming him to the ground. Daryl then pulled out a knife, swinging it back and forth at the two men. Rick was able to sneak in a gut punch, allowing for Shane to get Daryl into a choke hold.

“You’d best let me go!” Daryl yelled, thrashing his body.

Shane shook his head. “I think it’s better if I don’t.”

“Choke hold’s illegal.” Daryl spoke through gasps.

“You can file a complaint.” Shane responded, Daryl continuing to thrash in his arms. “Come on, man. We can do this all day.”

Rick knelt in front of Daryl, looking him in the eyes. “I’d like to have a calm discussion on this topic. Do you think we can manage that?”

Daryl thought for a moment, before choking out a quiet “Yeah.” Shane looked to Rick for reassurance before letting the man go.

“What I did was not on a whim. Your brother does not work and play well with others.” Rick began.

“It’s not Rick’s fault.” T-Dog chimed in. “I had the key and I dropped it.”

“You couldn’t pick it up?”

“Well, I dropped it in a drain.”

Daryl shook his head. “If that’s supposed to make me feel better, it don’t.”

“Well, maybe this will.” You responded, earning the looks of your fellow camp members. “T-Dog chained the door to the roof, right? With a padlock.”

Rick nodded. “That's gotta count for something.” 

“To hell with all y’all!” Daryl snapped. “Just tell me where he is so I can go get him.”

“He’ll show you.” Lori spoke up, looking at her husband. “Isn’t that right?”

Rick stared at his wife for a moment before finally nodding. “I’m going back.”

“Like hell you are.” You snapped.

Lori shook her head, storming off towards the RV.

Rick stepped towards you. “I have to.”

You shook your head, stepping away from your brother. In this moment, you felt like you were losing him all over again.

----

AN: Thank you for reading this chapter, I really hope you all enjoyed it! I originally intended to end this one with them getting to Atlanta, but this chapter was way to long already. We will follow that rescue mission in chapter three! If you'd like to request to be tagged in future chapters, you can do so here. Please be sure to like and reblog <3