#and everyone is deeply concerned about the fact that her mom taught her to use a gun when she was 6

[the-faultofdaedalus]

love creating characters that should rightfully be traumatized or at least a little bit fucked up by their parent's parenting style except instead they're just, like, fine

[linkspooky]

Megumi and Toji

Megumi knows almost nothing about his father, his early memories are of being abandoned. His only family is Tsumiki as far as he’s concerned. It’s clear he doesn’t regard himself as a Zenin, or Toji’s son. He doesn’t even recognize Toji when they meet again briefly. However, though Megumi’s not even aware of it there’s a lot of story parallels between father and son. Toji serves as a cautionary tale of what Megumi could become if he does not grow up and learn to handle his emotions properly. MORE UNDER THE CUT. 

1. Inherited Trauma 

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this yet, but the Zenin family definitely has issues. They exclude anything which does not fit their arbitrary standards as an outsider. We don’t really know Toji’s backstory. We don’t have to know either, it obviously doesn’t excuse his actions. However, we see the after-effects of him being thrown out and scapegoated by his own family by the time we see him in the hidden inventory arc. Not only that, but from the clan’s treatment of Maki, we can theorize a little ibt of what Toji has been through. 

Maki and Toji were both born without cursed energy and labeled as defective and wrong because of it. It’s clear both of them developed bad, hostile, even downright violent personalities in order to cope with a home environment that was constantly hostile to them. 

In Maki’s case, it’s not that Maki is a hateful person it’s that she’s conditioned not to accept any kind of love because she was never shown the unconditional love of a family she was owed. When Yuta tries to accept her, Maki rejects him because she doesn’t know what that feeling of acceptance and security is like if it’s unearned. She ties it to strength, she has to be stronger than the Zenin clan, she has to prove she’s better than them and that they were wrong about her in order to earn it. 

Maki is so busy trying to reject everything that the Zenin clan stands for, that she can’t really accept other people’s feelings at all positive or negative. She’s too busy thinking about herself, protecting about herself, trying not to hate herself that even the feelings of Mai who loves her, but in a more complicated way is something she can’t accept. She doesn’t want to think about mai’s feelings because she’s too busy with her own, Mai is an afterthought to her. 

Maki has a complicated way of dealing with the abuse of the Zenin family, and I assume Toji did too. The only difference is that Toji is an adult, whereas Maki is still an adolescent. Toji was set in his ways, Maki is still in the middle of changing. 

Toji is labeled as “the one who is left behind, the one who is free”, it’s very likely especially considering the way he treats Megumi and distances himself from anyone related to him, that Toji’s way of dealing with the Zenin family was to simply reject all of it. He couldn’t accept the hatred of his family, but at the same time he also couldn’t accept any kind of positive emotions too, like love between a father and son. It’s likely Toji can’t even accept the idea of having a family, or the unconditional love of a family because he’s never had it - not that any of that is Megumi’s fault.

 Toji grew up completely isolated from his own family until he was eventually thrown out, and he probably had no idea how to raise a family, but he turned around and inflicted those same circumstances on Megumi. Toji grows up alone, Toji makes Megumi grow up alone because he fails to provide for him as a father. 

Toji deliberately made a choice to throw out Megumi along with the rest of his family trauma, that’s his self reflection upon the moment of death. He wanted to throw away everything and live for hismelf, but he threw away Megumi too. 

However, from Meugmi’s perspective his father gave him the name ‘Megumi’ and left. Apparently Toji was around so little that Megumi doesn’t even recognize his face whent hey meet again as a teenager. He married Tusmiki’s mom, got a divorce, and presumably left Megumi there. 

Megumi grew up with no idea of what a family was, except for his step sister, and also completely isolated from others. He grew up with the same sense of isolation and distance from his family that Toji did, lacking totally in the unconditional love a child needs from his parents in order to grow up, because Toji was never even around for Megumi. Megumi just by default assumes that his father either didn’t love him, or just plain forgot about him. 

2. Like Father, Like Son.

However, despite the fact Toji wasn’t even around to raise his son, Megumi turned out a lot like Toji. There’s a lot of parallels between father and son, probably because as stated above Megumi grew up in isolated circumstances, completely cut off, never truly receiving the parental love or guidance that he needed to help him mature into a emotionally healthy adolescent able to process his feelings and handle them properly. 

Both Megumi and Toji respond to their emotional trauma in the same way, by suppressing themselves and all their feelings, and rejecting the feelings of everyone around him. Megumi isn’t even able to hear the news that his dad died, because he insists that already in first grade, he doesn’t care about his dad or even want him around. 

This is you know, a lie of course. Megumi’s a first grader. All children want a parent. It’s just, Megumi’s way of dealing with his feelings is to just pretend that they’re not there, to pretend he doesn’t care. A first grader is not really mature enough to think of his family situation in these terms, or cope with these feelings. Megumi is simply pretending to be mature as a way of pretending to deal with his hurt feelings. 

We as the audience know that Megumi is a deeply caring, and deeply feeling person. However, Megumi himself seesm to be in denial of this fact. 

Megumi’s response to all of thes icky gross feelings he has for people, soft feelings that makes him feel vulnerable because while Megumi cares deeply, circumstances have taught him that people do not care about him, or at least Toji didn’t care enough in Megumi’s eyes to stick around. Megumi’s response is the same as Toji’s, he shuts everyone out, he insists he doesn’t care about anyone. 

He can’t accept anyone’s feelings because he’s too busy rejecting everyone. He can’t even accept the positive feelings of familial love his sister has for him, he almost begrudges her for it. Tsumiki chose to see him as family, different from Toji who he feels didn’t choose him and Megumi just couldn’t realize that until it was too late. He’s so used to being abandoned and unchosen that he doesn’t know what familial love even looks like in Tsumiki. 

This is also something that Toji does to Megumi. It’s said in a bonus in volume 8 or volume 9 that after the death of Megumi’s mother, Toji insisted that he “stopped caring about everything.” We see this repeat when he’s about to sell Megumi to the Zenin clan. 

Toji insists he doesn’t care, while Megumi tries to creep back into his thoughts, and he keeps trying to help him in indirect ways. Toji wishing for a better future for his son than he had, while at the same time, selling him off for the money he plans to gamble away at the race track. Toji forgetting his son’s name, and then remembering it on the brink of death and asking his enemy to do something about it. These are all compeltely contradictory behaviors because Toji has no healthy, adult way of processing his emotions. 

He’s just used to pretending he doesn’t care about things, that even when he obviously does care it’s what he keeps falling back on. It’s the same as Megumi’s complex with saving people, he insists he hates people, that he doesn’t want to save them, and then he goes far out of his way to save people like Yuji. 

3. Growing Out of Your Father’s Shadow

They process emotions the same way, both insisting that they don’t care about anything around them, the only real difference is their priorities. Toji is a self centered person who prioritizes himself above all others. Megumi’s a self sacrificing person, he’s continually belittling himself for the sake of other people. Megumi belittles himself to the point where he insits he could never be strong enough to challenge Gojo. Being the strongest individual is just never his priority. 

Toji however is someone who climbed to the top of the Jujutsu World to try to prove he could become a better fighter than them without any cursed energy. Megumi is someone who ran away from the challenge of becoming stronger than Gojo, but Toji wanted to prove himself stronger than Gojo so badly he stayed and fought a fight he knew he couldn’t win. 

However, even though their priorities are total opposites, Toji prioritizing himself, and Megumi prioritizing other people above himself they both end up in the same place. They’re both incredibly self destructive people. Toji stayed and fought with Gojo, knowing that he would die. When Megumi is pushed to his limit in Shibuya, rather than try to run away he also sacrifices himself in order to summon Mahoraga in a suicidal move against his opponent. They are even paralleled in the way they’re drawn. 

I think the takeaway from all these connections set up between Toji and Megumi is that even though Megumi doesn’t know his father well he’s a lot like him. They both handle their emotions in the same way, insisting that they don’t care when they in fact care deeply. They both repress all of their emotions until they go crazy from it. 

Toji literally springs from Megumi’s shadow. The shadow is the symbol of repressed emotions. Emotions that people are conscious of, the ones they acknowledge are usually represented by light, deeper emotions, the ones they repress and refuse to acknowledge are then referred to as the shadow. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. The more Megumi pretends not to care about his father or his family situation, the deeper the shadow underneath his feet grows. 

Being underneath your father’s shadow is even a common phrase used to describe people who are unable to escape from their parents, and become their own person. There is a connection between Megumi and his father between Megumi and the Zenin, even if Megumi likes to pretend it’s not there, like when he denies any similarity between himself and Kamo Noritoshi.

 A lot of Megumi’s life is dictated by his family circumstances too, he’s just in denial about it. Kamo’s aware to sympathize with people because he’s far more aware fo himself and his family circumstances, Megumi denies sympathizing with other people, because he doesn’t have any sympathy for himself either. 

Zombie Megumi is colored in pure shadow. He’s even referred to as a manifestation of the repressed feelings of the Zenin clan. Those who are restrained by their connection to the Zenin clan, all look in awe at the one who broke free from the Zenin, and free from everything. 

Megumi exhibits the act same behavir as Toji. He suppresses himself, suppresses himself, and suprresses himself and then he just goes crazy. Megumi claims he’s not the strongest, he doesn’t care about being strong, but then he pulls moves like summoning the Mahoraga and Domain Expansion. Megumi just holds himself in until he violently lashes out on everything around him too, he’s hurt feelings waiting to explode. 

Which is why Megumi learning more about his father and the connection between them could be a good thing, not because Megumi necessarily owes Toji anything, but that he could learn from Toji’s mistakes. When Megumi sees his own unhealthy behavior exhibited in another, he can learn to accept the things that Toji could not accept. He could learn to accept connections like family, and friednship, before they become chains that hold him down too hard, until he breaks everything and himself trying to be free. Megumi dosen’t have to become the strongest like Gojo, he doesn’t have to surpass or fight against the Zenin clan. He doesn’t have to save everyone in the whole world like Yuji. The best thing for Megumi’s character development would be for him to learn to accept his own feelings and the feelings of others without going crazy. That’s a strength that neither Toji, nor Gojo could never find in themselves. 

[neverneverlouisland]

two of us (l.t)

fandom one direction/louis tomlinson

pairing louis x reader

word count 1813

summary reader is dealing with the loss of someone important to her. she doesn’t want to see anyone even days after the funeral, but one person is able to talk to her and help as best he can

warning(s) mentions of loss/death

-

She didn’t think she could ever comprehend the way her friend felt when he lost his mother and sister. She only thought she would be able to put herself in his shoes to be able to console and comfort him properly. Never did it cross her mind that it would happen to her. Or at least, not as soon as it did.

She’d been sitting in her old bedroom for hours since the memorial for her father, reminiscing and mourning.

She was grown now, but he was always her best friend.

Ironically enough, her dad was the one who chose to take care of her after the accidental pregnancy her parents had in college; not her mom. He stayed in school after she was born and continued to raise her with the help of his own family until he was able to afford a place for them. For as far back as she could remember he was the only force that kept her together all these years, even after she moved to another country for school and chose to live there. They would call, visit each other, and she was never once embarrassed whenever he would surprise her at the university. Maybe it was the fact he wasn’t too much older than her; after all, he was in his early twenties and starting graduate school at the time she came into the world. He taught her everything he could that wasn’t taught by her teachers. They cried, laughed, argued and joked around too many times to count. Now, however, the bad moments seemed especially precious. It was too little too late, and most of those fights were done during the cliche rebellion stage of being a teenager, yet she could finally see the concern and care behind her dad’s strictness and anger all those times she would show up late or not answer her phone.

The only sound that could be heard from her room were the sniffles every few minutes or so. Beyond that door, the sound of her grandparents discussing whether or not they should consider contacting the girl’s mother.

It seemed like hours of constant tears and blocking out conversation about the one who didn’t care to stay before a new sound entered her bubble. The turning of the knob and swinging door caught her attention, but she didn’t dare look up. She thought it was her grandmother wanting to try and get her to go downstairs or talk to another ‘friend of her father’s’ who would just give the family members the same condolences as everyone else. With that she sighed, blinking slowly and wiping a sleeve across her face. “I’m sorry if I’ve been rude, but I really don’t want to see or talk to anyone.”

“Should I just come back dressed as your gran to be able to enter, then?”

Her head jolted toward the familiar voice. A young man stood in the open space between the doorway and the room; one hand reeling its way down from pointing to the outside world. She quickly went to clean her face as best she could, looking directly at him as she spoke. “What are you doing here?”

A gentle smile settled on his face as he moved toward her; she felt the bed shift as he took a seat behind her on the mattress. “Your grandparents called. They thought you could use a friendly face.”

The only thing he heard in response was a soft, empty chuckle. He wasn’t expecting her to have anything to say or thank him for coming. This was about being there for someone he cared for at a time they needed it most. They hadn’t known each other long - they met at a coffee shop a few years back when he was working on his music and she was starting a new semester. It was a cute story about the barista calling out the order and setting it on the pickup counter, only to have two people reach for the same drink. They’d been friends ever since. One never let the other down or diminished their spirit, and he wasn’t going to start now. So he let the silence overtake the melancholy room until she decided it was okay for her to say something.

After a while of sitting and contemplating, a shaky voice announced itself into the quiet. “How did you do it?”

Was there a proper way to console her? Should he use tough love or soft words? Would anything he said come off as helpful in such a moment of vulnerability?

“I didn’t - for a long time.” He stared at the pastel wall in front of him, tilting his head as he put all the heart he could into what he would say to her. “Even with the rest of my family and the support from my friends, I felt alone. She’s my mum, you know? Months of consoling myself when I thought I was getting better went by in slow motion. It was like a part of myself left the world, especially when we lost our sister not too long after. Pouring myself into my music and being able to create something beautiful out of a tragedy is what really got me going again.”

She turned her head slightly, seeing his still figure facing the same blank space. “What do you mean?”

“Her words always rang in my head - they still do. I know she wouldn’t want me to give up or hold myself back. They’ll always be in my mind and in my heart. And I know they’re cheering me on from where they are; just like your dad is with you.” He nudged her shoulder, smiling when the corner of her mouth twitched upwards. “Nothing is ever easy when someone so near and dear to you is taken from the world. Sometimes I still wish it was me instead, though I know that’s far from what they would both want.”

There was that lack of conversation again. However, no matter how many times the silence would befall them, it was comfortable. Within the somber air was something that very few people were lucky enough to have. The strength their connection held went beyond keeping in constant touch when he left to do performances and radio shows before and after his album. It went beyond him making sure their friendship didn’t go awry while he was starting and preparing for his first real tour as a solo artist. It was the gestures he made over and over again that showed her not everyone would leave her when she was vulnerable or just needed someone. With everything going on, it didn’t feel right to call him up and disrupt his life because she chose to lock herself up in her old bedroom. Her father’s parents felt different, and here he was. While he was in the middle of a major turning point in his solo career, he still flew to America and found means to make it her childhood home just so she wouldn’t be alone. She didn’t know anyone who had a friend so kind and selfless; she certainly never did, at least not at such a level.

“I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here. I didn’t think they would call you.”

“I’m glad they did.” The brunette finally turned around, his upper half twisted so he was leaning on the bed with one arm as he faced you. “We may not have known each other for too long, y/n, but I know you. I know you wouldn’t have done it yourself because I’m gunning up for my tour and you didn’t want anyone to see you so broken.” He chuckled lightly, “You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met, and also the most considerate. Pride and kindness is an awful combination, love.”

She rolled her eyes immediately, but her lips twitched up for the second time since his arrival. He analyzed the slight change of expression on her face, the shine of her sad eyes, and what was left of the cries from before he showed up sliding down her cheeks. “It took hours to get here from home; I’m sure you’d been sitting here for much longer than that.” He stood up, moving around the bed to crouch down in front of her. Without question he wiped them away, straightening back up only when her face seemed clean of tears. “Let’s go somewhere.” He said softly, reaching a hand out. “What do you say?”

Her smaller hand fit into his as she accepted the offer, rising off the now dented spot on the soft mattress. She followed him out the doorway, orbs and mind working together to reminisce all the time she and her father had as they passed his bedroom and the office. Every moment was flooding back into her mind, only this time there were no tears. Maybe it was because there simply weren’t any more to be shed. Or maybe it was having a presence there to comfort her that made walking through this hall just a little bit better.

When they reached their destination at the bottom of the staircase, the sight of her grandparents with a small child surprised her. Her wide eyes watched as the trio became aware of her presence, the boy hopping down from the couch and rushing over to not only hug her but attempt to jump into her arms. It took quick reflexes from both her and the boy’s father to keep him in her embrace. However, despite the situation and her still current mood, the way her name was called out by the four year old sparked a joy that he noticed immediately. It was the twinkle in her eyes when the two came in contact that told him their appearance today really would be good for her. And it was the showcase of a real smile on her face that told him he was right; that her grandparents were right in calling him when they did. “Is he going to come with us?”

He blinked, realizing he was too quietly watching the exchange between his son and this girl he cared deeply for. “Um, no, not this time. It’s just going to be the two of us.”

Her smile grew into a small grin as the pair looked at one another. Maybe it wasn’t the fact that her tear ducts ran dry or the presence of another person that made it okay to go through her father’s house without shedding a salty tear. She realized in that moment, as she held her favorite toddler and shared a content look with her close friend, that it was him.

If Louis wasn’t the one to come comfort her, then she wouldn’t have been okay as soon as one would have hoped.

[braveskyered]

Knights (Part 18)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17

(Special Thanks once again to @nebulous-rain​ for providing one of the illustrations. Please check her out if you have the time!)

-

As much as one would hate for this to be repeated, please be aware that there may be some topics from here on out that you as a reader will find uncomfortable. Elaborating what they are in the beginning will be considered spoilers.

Do remember that this story is a work of fiction. Any similarities between characters or events to persons - living or dead - in our real world are purely coincidental.

Only those that have understood and thus agreed to the above have the privilege of continuing to read Knights to the very end with a clear head.

Do you understand what you are getting yourself into?

Yes ←

No

Your goal is to remain strong in the times you are weak, and to keep on fighting even when you are down.

Because if you don’t…

What exactly are you fighting for in the long run?

-

Part 18: And When You Least Expect It...

- - - - - - -

Arthur quietly tucked Vivian into bed for her mid-afternoon nap. So many thoughts, memories, and emotions flood through his mind that he doesn’t really know where to start processing it all.

He isn’t really sure what Elaine was thinking when she had him go ahead to the hotel with the children while she remained behind at a nearby café just a few blocks away to talk to Mr. Pepper. Elaine knew that Arthur didn’t want anyone to know which hotel he stayed in, even though it wouldn’t take a genius to figure that out with how few campers are actually in the town itself.

“Dad.”

Arthur turned away from Vivian to see Gwen and Percy looking concerned.

“Hah… I’m all right, Percy,” he sighed as he sat down on the opposite bed, “I’m just tired.”

“That man we met right before,” Gwen jabbed a thumb at the door, “Who is he?”

He let out a breath of resignation, knowing that his family will find sooner or later, “Joe Pepper. He and his wife are both owners and chefs of the Pepper Paradiso.”

“Pepper? Wait, are both Belle Pepper and her sister related to him?” Percy asked.

Arthur shrugged as he stated the obvious, “He’s their father, so yes.”

The twins looked at each other briefly before Gwen piped up, “Do you have any idea as to how he lost his arm?”

As much as Arthur knew that he doesn’t have any right to meddle in the Pepper family affairs, that is one question that puzzled him, “No, he still had both arms when I left, so whatever happened occurred sometime in the seventeen years I was gone.”

“What about his… breakdown earlier?” Percy asked uneasily, “First Belle, then Cayenne, and now their father… Just what the heck did they do to you that made them regret it so badly?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Arthur shook his head before smiling at his son and daughter, “But we shouldn’t be talking about this. I made it a point to not interact with them anymore if I can help it, not after everything that happened because of me.”

“Because of… you?”

He shouldn’t have said that. He knew that he shouldn’t have said that. He cursed at his slip of the tongue at telling his family everything about what happened so long ago. But at the same time, he knew that he couldn’t hide it from them forever.

So what is he to do?

He let out a brief laugh that sounded like a sob, but thankfully he did not shed tears.

“Hah… So many things went wrong that day, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it because I was so weak,” he disguised his distress by letting out a sad chuckle and tried to smile to his family, “Even now, even though I’m your father, I can’t do anything to help you all stay safe like your mother and nana had done yesterday.”

“That’s not your fault, Daddy!”

To Arthur’s surprise, Gwen grabbed his hand with both of hers.

“We all know you want us to be safe,” Gwen said, “Why do you think you’ve always been our navigator whenever we go on real jobs as a family? And for as long as we can remember, you’ve always been there for us. Whenever we were sad, or sick, or even just lonely, you were there. You did protect us, Daddy. You protected us just by being there for us. You even taught us so many things Mom wouldn’t have been able to teach us.”

“You gave us the brains,” Percy nodded with a bright grin as he pumped a fist, “Mom gave us the brawn. I’d say that’s a good combination.”

Arthur let out a brief laugh before standing up to embrace them.

“Thank you. Really.”

Gwen and Percy returned the favor as they wrapped their arms around him. For a brief moment, it was just a father holding his two oldest children--

“Daddy! No fair!”

--close. Arthur turned his head to chuckle at Vivian looking envious with a funny-looking scowl and pout. Shaking his head slightly in amusement, he brought one hand out to his youngest daughter to invite her in the circle, which she immediately took.

Gwen, Percy, and Vivian. The three children that became his only reasons for living, that he loved with all his heart, and the ones that he wanted to protect above all else.

He won’t let anyone hurt them.

…

“Hey, Daddy? Do you really not know what happened?”

Arthur tensed upon hearing Gwen ask that question before releasing the children from his hold. He looked out the window of their hotel room, suddenly finding interest in the few clouds that were floating in the sky.

What is he to tell them? Why is he holding back? He thinks he knows why, but he can’t comprehend it, he can’t understand it. It just doesn’t make any sense. It goes against everything he knows, against everything he learned.

“Daddy?”

Arthur sighed deeply. All he know is that everything that went wrong… was all my fault.

“Dad, we just told you that none of this is your fault.”

He gave his son a confused glance before realizing that he had said some of his thoughts out loud. With a furrowed brow, Arthur struggled to understand it all, he just couldn’t.

“Daddy?”

Arthur looked down at Vivian before pulling her into his lap. Right at that moment, he felt his phone vibrating continuously. After making sure Vivian is safe in his hold, he took his phone out from his pocket and looked at the screen to see who was calling. He quickly answered it, “Elaine?”

“Hey, Arthur. How are you holding up? Are you and the kids okay?”

“We’re fine,” he nodded, “We’re just waiting for you to come back when… you’re done.”

Elaine was silent for a moment, then spoke before Arthur could prompt her, “Actually, I was hoping if you could come down to where I am.”

He went stiff and barely registered Vivian clinging to him.

“I spoke with Mr. Pepper and...” Elaine sounded hesitant, “He told me about what happened before you left,” she then started to sound a little upset, “He said that he and his family want to apologize for what they had put you through. In person.”

“They don’t have anything to apologize for.”

“What? My knight, they said that during their youngest daughter’s birthday, you—”

“Elaine, they didn’t do anything wrong,” Arthur said firmly, “It was something I deserved since it was because of me their son died. Mr. Pepper knows as well as I do that everything that had happened back then was, and still is, my fault. I bet they were in a better state ever since I left their lives.”

The phone went silent for a moment before Elaine spoke again, “Are you sure that’s the case, Arthur? Because Mr. Pepper was telling me that ever since you left, things in this town had actually gotten worse. Way worse.”

“Everyone has a hard time every now and then, Elaine. We went through such, too.”

“Well, yes, that’s true. But I don’t think our hard times were caused by a curse.”

What?

Is this the excuse everyone in Tempo is using now? A feeling of dread and disgust started to bubble in his throat, and it took a few swallows to keep the feeling of bile threatening to rush down.

After everything went wrong so long ago, after Lewis was killed, after the Mystery Skulls found the wraith and took that home, all Arthur did after leaving Tempo was sending his uncle letters. All the letters contained were just simple messages such as “How are you,” “I’m doing okay,” some small talk, and would typically end with a “don’t try to look for me.”

The only thing Arthur ever cursed about is his own being, for being so weak, being so pathetic, and being a failure as a human being. If it hadn’t been for the love and kindness he had received from Elaine and her family, he didn’t doubt that he would’ve ended up in a worse place than where he was before, if not dead by the time Galahad had passed.

“A curse, Elaine?” Arthur couldn’t help but scoff at the remark, “The only curse I know of is the fact that I’m in this town. I shouldn’t have come back.”

“No, Arthur, I’m serious. This town has been afflicted with a strange curse not long after you left.”

Now this is just getting ridiculous. Arthur knows more than anyone to not doubt about curses, but this? …It’s just ridiculous, as redundant as that sounds, even to him.

“Even so, I think we really need to talk this over with the Pepper family,” Elaine said with determination, “I will be with you during the discussion while Nana Niniane keeps an eye on the kids. It’ll just be us, Mr. Pepper, and his wife. His daughters Belle and Cayenne won’t take part in the conversation. Belle’s still with your uncle at Kingsmen Mechanics where Aunt Morgan is keeping an eye on things, and Cayenne is still in the hospital on watch.”

“And Paprika?”

“Who?”

“The youngest daughter.”

There was a brief silence on the other line before Arthur got an answer, “He says that she’s recently taken over as the head chef of the Pepper Paradiso, so even though she’s also at the restaurant, she’ll probably be too busy to talk to us.”

A chill went through his spine.

“You’re at the Pepper Paradiso, aren’t you,” Arthur didn’t ask his question, he expected it.

“I am,” Elaine said, “My knight, I know that you’re at your limit, and I know that you never wanted to do this. I know you have suffered so much and gone through so much misery, so much more compared to what anyone would have gone through in their entire lifetime. I know you don’t want to talk to anyone from the Pepper family because you’ve said that you’re ‘not allowed to.’”

So she is aware of the rules, or some of them at least. Despite this, Arthur knew where this was going as he stared off into the distance. She’s going to try to convince him to talk to them anyway as to break the rules.

“But I think I have a solution to get around this.”

Without turning his head, Arthur slowly shifted his gaze to his phone.

“What is it?”

When Arthur heard Elaine’s suggestion, he decided to give it some thought, and finally smiled for the first time since the conversation started.

Even now, his beloved light has always been thoughtful for him.

- - - - - - -

A few more turns of the wrench were needed to finish the job. Satisfied that the nuts and bolts were in place and tightened enough, Arthur slid out from beneath the sedan and sat up.

It was a typical day with Arthur working in his uncle’s repair shop. The truck had its flex pipe snapped into two pieces, causing the engine to emit the original loud sounds that would be muffled so it wouldn’t be a nuisance for a typical owner. All Arthur needed to do now was to start the car’s engine to see if it’s back to its relatively quiet state. If it is, then the job is officially done.

The paperwork wasn’t too difficult. All Arthur had to do was record what he was doing, what parts he used, and what process he was using to get the work done. He had to remove the broken flex pipe, grab a suitable replacement from the junkyard behind the shop, cut the pipes to make sure the replacement would fit into the original, weld them together, then assemble the repaired flex pipe back in.

“Arthur, are you in here?”

Arthur smiled. He could recognize that voice anywhere in an instant.

“Lewis? Yeah, I’m here, just give me a sec.”

Within the next few minutes, Arthur came to a good stopping point and cleaned up the oil stains from his hands. Hearing the familiar footsteps, Arthur looked up and saw Lewis grinning.

“Hey,” he greeted before noticing something in Lewis’s possession, “What’s with the box?”

“Sorry, Arthur, I know this seems sudden since you’re still working, but I need you to help me with this,” Lewis held out the medium sized package out to him a bit. From the looks of it, it had arrived in the mail for him not too long ago.

“I can try. Is it something you need help assembling?”

“Oh, no no, not that,” Lewis chuckled, “I just need you to hold on to this until it’s closer to Christmas.”

“Until Christmas?” Arthur blinked in surprise, “But that’s not until the next three to four months. You went Christmas shopping already?”

“Sort of. It’s for Paprika,” Lewis said, “She happened to see an advertisement on TV about this toy rabbit she really wanted, and I saw her asking Mom and Dad about it. Problem is, the toy’s a limited edition and it was quite the hot seller, if you know what I’m saying. I somehow managed to get the last one before it was sold out.”

“Oh…” Arthur slowly made a nod, understanding where Lewis is getting at. Trying to get a toy for a child that’s high in demand but low in supply is never fun, especially if one considers some other people would try to buy them and then sell it online at a much higher price. If that’s the case, Lewis was indeed very, very lucky to get his hands on it.

“Normally, I would just hide it somewhere in my house, but lately the girls have been getting all over everything, even in my own closet whenever they play hide-and-seek,” Lewis gestured his head to the exit, “We haven’t officially started the Christmas shopping yet, but I wanted to make sure that this one is kept safe from their little misadventures.”

Arthur couldn’t help but smirk at that, “And you knew that the girls would never look in a dirty mechanic’s shop, huh?”

“Haha! Yep.”

Arthur couldn’t help but widen his smirk at Lewis’s “devious” plan of hiding things, especially since this isn’t the first time Lewis has done this.

“But yeah, sure, I’ll hold on to it for you. When do you need it back?”

- - - - - - -

“T-Thank you.”

Elaine had asked him to remain seated at a nearby table. With Arthur sitting in one booth with Elaine and Mr. Pepper sitting in the second behind it, Elaine had positioned herself so that she would be sitting right behind Arthur despite having their backs turned to each other in a sense. With the raised barriers between the booths, the Peppers can’t see him, and he can’t see them in turn. He isn’t sure about whether they know he’s here or not, but he’d like to think it was the former.

The solution Elaine had come up with as a workaround is that Arthur would “accidentally eavesdrop” on her conversation with Lewis’s parents, Joe and Lokia Pepper. During any questions that needed Arthur’s input or if he needed to ask something without the Peppers knowing, he would just text it to Elaine and let her handle the rest.

When Arthur briefly saw Mr. and Mrs. Pepper together while they were distracted by Elaine, he couldn’t believe just how… defeated they looked. Seeing Mr. Pepper lacking his right arm did raise some concern, but upon seeing Mrs. Pepper’s state…

…he isn’t sure who had it worse.

The burn scars around Mrs. Pepper’s face and part of her scalp were… Arthur wasn’t sure how to describe them. From the way the burns looked on her face, it’s highly likely that a good portion of her body had been burnt, too.

One thing’s for sure in Arthur’s mind. The burn scars he has pale in comparison to Mrs. Pepper’s.

“I-I know that we’re pushing against your boundaries, but we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for hearing us out.”

Arthur wanted to cover his ears and run but he couldn’t. Somehow, Elaine is able to tell whenever he does, and thus send him a text of a star icon next to a moon icon, as a way to tell him that she is there for him, or she would leave some encouraging words for him to cling onto.

“So… You’re Arthur’s wife?” Mr. Pepper asked, and after a moment of what seemed to be him seeing Elaine nod, he added, “How long have you two been married?”

“We’ve actually just reached the fifteen-year mark,” Elaine answered, “But we’re not here to talk about our love life. We’re here to talk about Arthur.”

There was an uncomfortable silence.

“I’m not sure if anyone told you of this recently, or if either of you hadn’t picked up on it now, but Arthur physically cannot be near you for very long, if at all. When you, and previously, your daughters, made the foolish move to approach him without caring about his boundaries like you had done earlier, he would try to run. He told me that whenever he was near any of you, he would get burned. Literally. He still has the scars to prove it.”

She’s not pulling any punches. Arthur notes as he leaned his head against the back of the booth. As he kept his phone on hand, he was tempted to look through the family album again just to look at photos of the kids. In the end, he held off. Elaine has asked him to listen in carefully, and he agreed to do so.

“I… I didn’t think that he’d be—"

“I cannot tell you just how often he said about how he’s not allowed to speak to any of you because it was ‘all his fault’ and that ‘sorry isn’t good enough.’”

“Well… we--"

“So I will make this very clear to you. Arthur has no intention of talking to you and your daughters whatsoever. When he ate the food that was made in this restaurant that one of your daughters had brought to Kingsmen Mechanics for lunch with us yesterday and realized it was from here, he thought he was being poisoned ‘again.’ You do realize that food tampering is a rather serious crime among you chefs. But alas, the statute of limitations exist for a reason.”

“What? What are you talking about? Poiso--?"

“Arthur made it clear to me that he only intended to just visit and reconnect with his only family here, and his uncle made the lovely choice of bringing two of your daughters to visit us yesterday without telling us. Not a smart move if you ask me.”

Another silence.

“When I had spoken to the Yukino family, I heard something very interesting from the old lady, Mr. Yukino’s mother, during her tirade. So let me ask you this. Seventeen years ago…”

The sound of a hand slamming somewhat against the table is heard. Elaine’s voice is slow, icy cold, and piercing to the ears.

“What. Did. You. Do? What was it that you did that drove him out of this town?”

Arthur huddled closer to himself. He can tell that Elaine is beginning to get the wrong idea, but he knew better than to correct her now.

The Peppers hadn’t done anything wrong and had every right to blame him for everything that went wrong that day. Their beloved son is dead, and as a consequence, their family has been torn apart. The three little girls from so long ago had lost their loving big brother, their mentor that had given them so much love and affection, and thus were never the same since upon learning his fate. Arthur knew that he deserved their hatred, even though it had hurt so much.

 “You won’t let us apologize until we tell you, is that right?” Mrs. Pepper is speaking now, her voice sounding raspy.

“Considering that I actually know Arthur’s boundaries unlike some people, then you are correct,” Elaine said with a sharp tone, “Tell me everything. Do not leave even a single detail behind.”

Arthur closed his eyes.

…No one will ever understand.

- - - - - - -

Days like these were precious. He has to be careful, though.

Whenever it was time to work at Kingsmen Mechanics, Arthur could only feel relief from the pain, even if only for a moment. He learned not to show it in front of anyone, though, because if the wraith were to catch wind of it, then the punishments he is to receive when returning would be worse. A murderer does not deserve to feel relief.

When floating around, it tends to cause power shortages and make various electronics go on the fritz beyond repair whenever it’s in a certain negative mood, which happens frequently when Vivi isn’t around. After it may or may not have accidentally destroyed the computer on one of the cars that was being repaired for a customer, Lance had forbidden the wraith from entering the repair shop ever since.

As a result, whenever Arthur had to work at Kingsmen Mechanics, Arthur was finally able to relax for the first time in days.

Lance is always happy to see his nephew, especially after Arthur no longer declined to eat meals with him. When Arthur ate a simple dinner of mashed potatoes, a thin steak, and some green beans with Lance, he didn’t have the heart to tell his uncle that he has not eaten a proper meal in over three days, and his meager supply of water that he kept hidden beneath his bed in the wraith’s mansion was running out.

His uncle would ask how things were going between him, Lewis, and Vivi, but Arthur couldn’t bring himself to talk about Lewis. The wraith hated it whenever he said something, and his uncle’s shotgun would make things worse more often than not. Regardless, having his uncle has been a blessing. Whenever he isn’t being punished, beaten, or belittled by the wraith, Arthur could work alongside his uncle and recover enough to take on the well-deserved punishments once again.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Arthur smiled at his uncle as they worked in the shop.

Beneath that smile is a young and vulnerable man, crying in pain. He wanted to scream, to be free of the suffering, he wanted to die.

But he couldn’t.

If he told his uncle what was really happening, the older man would just take a shotgun full of lead or purification salt and fire it on the wraith. If the wraith were to disappear, Vivi’s happiness would be shattered all over again. Vivi also wanted Arthur to be with her, and he had no choice but to comply when she cried that she couldn’t bear to lose either of her precious boys.

In a way, she has already--

“Oh…! Darn it…”

At the Kingsmen residence, while cleaning out the closet located in his bedroom, Arthur accidentally knocked over a somewhat large box and knelt down to pick it up. He felt confused upon noticing a label he didn’t recognize, but then he took the time to read it.

Lewis Pepper

108 Scoville Street

Tempo, TX 28185

Why is there a package for Lewis in his closet? Upon looking at who sent it, Arthur did a quick search of the name and found that it was sent from a well-known toy company— He checked his phone and cursed to himself that he had forgotten to keep his promise to Lewis.

Christmas had already passed; it’s now late April. Paprika never got the present Lewis had gotten her for Christmas, and Arthur knew that it was all his fault. He didn’t know how he would ever be able to make up for this until he soon realized… that Paprika was born at around this time, and it was then Arthur realized that her birthday is…

“It’s in three days,” Arthur muttered and looked down at the package again.

He knew that he had no right to approach the Pepper family. At the same time, he isn’t sure if handing the present to the wraith to deliver it to them will work out, either. For all he knows, the wraith would just destroy the special toy inside with hardly a glance, and Arthur knew that he couldn’t let that happen. Lewis wanted Paprika to have this, and Arthur swore to himself that he will see to it that she gets it.

It’s what Lewis would’ve wanted.

Wrapping it wouldn’t be too much of a hassle, but Lance almost never kept any wrapping paper in his home. When it comes to gift wrapping, Arthur’s uncle usually preferred to leave his presents in gift bags. With that thought in mind, Arthur went to a storage closet down the hallway and did some digging. Miraculously, he was able to find a paper bag large enough to fit the package inside.

It’s only fitting that a used Pepper Paradiso takeout bag will do the job.

Smiling to himself, Arthur stuffed a few old newspapers into it before setting it aside. He’ll have to return to the wraith’s home tomorrow, but he knew how to hide things from the wraith for a little while. It’s risky, but it will be worth it. He didn’t doubt that this will make little Paprika happy. Or cheer her up a little at the very least.

It’s the least he could do to fulfill Lewis’s last request.

…

“Why did it have to be our son?!”

“…’m sorry.”

The force made his head snap to the right.

He expected this to happen, but he couldn’t admit at just how much this hurt.

He looked at Mrs. Pepper, her hand still raised even after slapping him. Mr. Pepper is seething with anger alongside her.

“What. Are you doing?” She glared at him with anger and disgust, a far cry from her usual expression of caring watchfulness.

“I…” Arthur looked down at the gift bag containing Lewis’s present at Mr. Pepper’s feet, “Lewis asked me to—”

“It was you that--!” Mrs. Pepper closed in on him, “You think you can try hurting us again?!”

Something cracked in his heart, “N-No, I-I was just—”

“Why couldn’t it have been you?!”

Arthur wondered that himself. All he could is apologize, even though it meant nothing to-- Something hard hit against the back of his head.

A soft thump is felt near his feet. Looking down, Arthur could see that it was a small stone.

He then looked in the direction it was thrown from and saw Belle glaring at him, holding another stone in her hand. Cayenne is behind her older sister, also glaring at him with a snarl shown with her teeth. She’s holding a box small enough to wrap her fingers around.

But the youngest sister is still missing.

Arthur knew that he has to hold his ground. Even if it’s against Mr. Pepper. Lewis wanted Paprika to have the toy sealed in the package. He didn’t survive long enough to give it to her, so he has to do it for him. If he could just show them the label containing Lewis’s name…

Arthur looked up upon noticing some movement leading upstairs. As feeling of relief entered his being, he started to kneel down to pick up the bag—

The feeling of his neck being strangled startled him before realizing that Mrs. Pepper had dragged him by the collar of his shirt before being thrown against the door. A loud sound went off right next to him, and he saw that it was the other rock Belle had upon hearing her mutter something about missing her target.

“You’re never to approach our children again,” Mr. Pepper said with fury, “You’re never to approach us.”

“I only—"

“Mama? Papa?”

The sound of Paprika’s voice. Without a moment to lose, Arthur grabbed the bag near Mr. Pepper’s feet and held it out to her.

But Paprika only cried.

When Mr. Pepper snatched the bag out of Arthur’s hands and stomped on it, the rest of it was just a blur. He could barely register Mrs. Pepper forcing him out of the Pepper home and onto the concrete entrance, throwing his shoes at him, before only looking up in numbness upon seeing the door slam to his face.

It took a moment for the realization to reach him. All Arthur could do is try his hardest not to cry.

He didn’t know if there was a better way for it to play out.

With a heavy heart full of despair, Arthur slowly got up to put on his shoes and hissed in pain upon feeling something stab his feet. Confused at the sight of some blood on his foot that dripped down onto the concrete, he shook one of his shoes and saw a few shiny little things fall out. He shook out the other shoe and saw the exact same thing.

Flat head tacks.

…Cayenne never went that far.

Knowing that he had failed to fulfill Lewis’s final request. Arthur put on his now tack-free shoes, hoping his socks would stop the bleeding. He slowly gathered the tacks and placed them in a fine pile on a spot on the ground where people are least likely to step on them, before finally leaving the Pepper home.

He knew he wasn’t allowed to see them, but it was to protect that present Lewis had asked him to hold on to, but he couldn’t have ever predicted that his parents would have sought to destroy it like the wraith would.

He won’t disobey the rules for any reason anymore. Not even for Lewis.

Later that night, Arthur returned to the ghostly mansion, the one he had been forced to stay in ever since Vivi fell for it. He knew that he couldn’t do anything else after this before the wraith returned.

Sure enough, the wraith wasn’t happy upon learning what Arthur tried to do. He could tell upon feeling the wraith’s large and strong fingers wrap painfully around his shoulders.

No matter what he did to atone, it just wasn’t enough.

You just don’t know your place, do you?

Arthur doesn't know why he’s even trying to plead with the wraith anymore. It’s useless, yet he still begged the wraith to not burn him in front of them. But who are they? They’re not nearby.

Do I need to remind you of your place… again?

He already knew. He didn’t need a reminder.

You are never to approach my family again.

It hurts… The wraith wouldn’t let go of his right forearm. It always knew that it hurts when roughly grabbed there.

For all I know, you could be biding your time to kill them, too.

“No, I would never do that!”

You think I believe you?

This time, it hurt even more upon feeling something crack.

He isn’t sure which is more painful, the possible fracture in his arm or the realization that he couldn’t convince anyone of anything anymore.

…

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

And Arthur knew he deserved it.

It was his arm that did the killing, after all.

- - - - - - -

Elaine is angry. She shouldn’t be.

“I’m well aware that it was a demon that killed your son and that it had used Arthur to do it.”

“Well, yes, but back then, we—”

“But because the demon had disappeared, you needed to blame something, or someone.”

A long silence.

“Frankly, you disgust me. Knowing Arthur, he wouldn’t ever wish for harm to befall on any of you, let alone on his greatest enemy. If you really were as close to him as you said you were back then, then you never would’ve done that,” a huff of anger, “But you know the phrase, ‘You reap what you sow.’

“After everything he did for you, you thought the best way of paying him back for his kindness was to spit at his face and stomp it down,” Elaine scoffed, “If I was around when that happened, I would’ve immediately had you both charged with assault. Knowing Arthur, though, he would’ve just begged me to let it go, if not for the sake of your daughters.”

She’s right. Arthur would’ve done exactly that if she was with him when that happened. As far as he knew, the girls didn’t have any other family members that were nearby. Even if there were, he doubted that they would be able to remain together if the Peppers ever lost custody of them.

The Knights family can be scary even without the monster hunting business.

All Arthur contributes to the Knights family is repairing cars and raising the children. Everything else was left to Elaine and the rest of her family, and he would rather keep it that way.

“But I can tell that you’ve already suffered the consequences from that little stunt and then some,” Elaine coldly said, and Arthur knew she wasn’t being genuine with that statement, “So what happened after that?”

“After that, Arthur just suddenly left without a word,” Mr. Pepper sighed, “At first, we thought it was good riddance…”

“But I guess you never knew how important something, or someone, is to you until they are permanently gone. You took Arthur for granted more than you had thought.”

Arthur isn’t sure how to feel about this. He knew that there are people who impulsively make decisions while deep in emotions, but he also knew that the Peppers never regret their actions. They never regretted opening the restaurant operating in the family name, or having three daughters, or taking in an older child with an unknown background as their son. Throwing him away was no exception.

“You’re right. We did take him for granted.”

What?

“After Arthur left, things just went straight to hell.”

Now Arthur is getting more confused. Didn’t Grandma Yukino say something similar? He never really thought too deeply about what happened in Tempo after he had left seventeen years ago. Mr. Yukino also said something about things not being the same ever since Arthur left, but that’s typical of anyone leaving. …Right?

It’s going against everything Arthur has convinced himself of knowing.

“You’re not the first person that has said something very similar. I can’t imagine just how upset Mr. Kingsmen was when he found out that you essentially exiled his nephew out of this town,” Elaine said, “I bet it was even more inconvenient for you, Mr. Pepper, since Arthur is the one to go to for prosthetic limbs. I’m going to bet that your arm was lost as a consequence of this whole fiasco.”

Arthur winced. A sigh is heard.

“You’re absolutely right, Mrs. Knights.”

…

Did Arthur hear Mr. Pepper right?

“Really,” Elaine didn’t sound convinced, and quickly changed the subject, “Before we delve further into that, there is one more matter that needs to be discussed. Your daughter, Cayenne.”

“What,” Mrs. Pepper sounds nervous, “What about her?”

“I fail to see what the loss of her son last month has anything to do with Arthur. After all, you know as well as I do that we were nowhere near you at that time. While I’m sorry that it happened, I am not going to let you blame my husband for your grandson’s passing, nor your daughter’s mental illness that most likely came as a result of it.”

“No! No! You’re misunderstanding, Mrs. Knights!” Mr. Pepper sounded like he was pleading, “We know it was just unfortunate and that there’s no one to blame. It just… happened. We just…” A hitching sigh, “We just want to apologize. To apologize and hope that we can end all this. It’s our fault that we drove him away. It’s our fault that everything has gone so wrong.”

…

Is that what they really think? Arthur narrowed his eyes.

He texted Elaine.

They’re wrong.

The buzz of Elaine’s phone reached Arthur’s ears. He saw on his phone that Elaine had read it.

“What…?”

If it was just that, I would grin and bear it. It’s what I deserved. There is nothing to end.

There was a brief silence. Instead of hearing Elaine ask or text back, he heard the familiar ringtone of her phone.

“Yes? Nana Niniane?” A brief silence, “Yes, we are. I’m with Mr. and Mrs. Pepper. …What? Nana Niniane, you know Arthur isn’t going to like this.”

Another silence.

“…Yeah. Okay. Okay, we’ll do that. I’ll let him know. Just make sure there aren’t any fights by the time we get there.”

Elaine sighed as she hung up.

“All right. I just got a call from my family, and it’s been decided that we’re going to properly discuss this with all the involved parties. No more miscommunications, and no more… funny little stunts.”

“Stunts?”

“We’re heading to Kingsmen Mechanics. You are to meet us there in one hour and we will not take no for an answer.”

Arthur shivered. He wants to run away, but he has no way to take the kids with him. Vivian will follow him without question, but Gwen and Percy are old enough to know something is up. A part of him is wondering why he is even trying to even consider doing such an unthinkable thing.

What is Niniane up to? What did she do? What did she learn?

What does she know?

Something is close to snapping in Arthur’s mind, and he knows it. Gritting his teeth, Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose harder and harder.

Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it—

A hand brushed against his.

“My knight.”

Arthur looked up to Elaine standing next to the booth he is in. He held onto her hand like a lifeline.

It seems Elaine had waited for Mr. and Mrs. Pepper to leave first in order to either prevent them from seeing Arthur, or to keep them from trying to apologize without context on her end. It was then that he knew that Elaine is starting to realize the misunderstanding.

And from what he had gathered, it looks like those he knew in Tempo have also reached a misunderstanding of their own.

Later, they both got inside Lance’s spare car with Elaine in the driver’s seat.

“Arthur.”

He huddled closer to himself. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Elaine.

“I need you to talk to me.”

He opened his mouth, but a heavy weight in his throat kept him from speaking. He couldn’t do anything but tremble.

“In that case, I just need you to nod or shake your head.”

Nod or shake. He could do that. He can try.

“Yukino-san said that it was her son and the Pepper family that drove you away from here. Is that true?”

It’s easy to see how they could be a contributing factor. Regardless, Arthur shook his head without looking at Elaine. He didn’t know what to do if he saw her look disappointed.

“Did you run away from here because you couldn’t handle your abuser anymore?”

Arthur remained still, for he didn’t know what to tell her. If he answered one way, it would be a lie; but if he answered the other way, Elaine would think that he is lying. In the end, he had to be truthful and slowly shook his head.

When Elaine didn’t respond, Arthur risked looking over to her, and saw something that broke his heart.

Why are there tears on Elaine’s face? Why is she crying?

He didn’t know why Elaine decided to embrace him, he just couldn’t understand it. He never lied to her, but he never told her everything that had happened to him in Tempo, either. To him, it didn’t matter why he left. He couldn’t control what the people he knew in Tempo had thought. They wanted him gone, and his reason for leaving just happened to fit into their desires.

“Arthur. I need you to tell me. Please.”

He nuzzled further into her shoulder.

“What was it that had hurt you so much more than the abuse you had gone through?”

Arthur didn’t want to say it. It may seem insignificant, but he knew Elaine would disagree.

“Elaine, I… I couldn’t,” he finally muttered.

She waited for him to continue.

He slowly pulled himself out of her hold and held her hands, “I just couldn’t.”

“You couldn’t what?” Elaine asked.

“I couldn’t stay,” Arthur finally looked her in the eye, “I knew that I would have to tell you eventually, but... The real reason I left Tempo is because I... I couldn't let them have it. I couldn’t let them have the only thing I had left,” he looked down at Elaine’s hands and held them tighter, “I just couldn’t.”

“Have what?”

He placed a hand over the moon pin on his vest and looked away. He couldn't tell her in front of the kids, or anyone really. His heart and soul could only take so much pain.

How does he put this in a way that won't make him break down?

Taking a shaky breath, he reached out to her and touched the old and worn star pin on her jacket, the one that he had given her so long ago.

“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Elaine said, “What do you mean?”

How else can he get her to understand? He didn’t want to say it out loud. It would break his heart even more if he did.

“I love you,” Arthur’s breath hitched as tears began to shed, “You know that, right?”

Please. Please, understand.

Despite everything going on in the madness and despair, the love of his light and family are all he has now. As long as he has that…

Elaine smiled sadly, slowly wiping away Arthur’s tears with her thumbs until he could calm down.

“It will be okay, my star. It will be okay. I promise.”

For all he knows, this might be the last time he’ll be able to feel her warmth.

- - - - - - -

Arthur really didn’t want to be here. He didn’t like the looks he was getting, especially since he has Vivian in his arms while sitting down on a chair with Elaine and the twins beside him remaining on guard.

Lance had closed down Kingsmen Mechanics for the evening. To Arthur, this meant that he had no opportunities to escape. In the lobby of the repair shop with him were three separate parties. Parties he’d rather not be a part of because of the rules.

Lance and Belle are behind the desk exchanging nervous glances between each other under Morgan’s watchful eye. Whatever Elaine’s aunt had done to scold them, Arthur knew not to question it. Mr. and Mrs. Pepper are sitting on some chairs used by customers that wait for their cars to be repaired.

Arthur took a moment to properly look at Mr. and Mrs. Pepper. Although he had seen it earlier today, he can confirm that Mr. Pepper is indeed missing his right arm. He couldn’t tell if it had been severed just below the shoulder or right at the socket, but in the end it’s irrelevant. He briefly wondered how such an injury could happen, but again, it’s not important for him to know.

The injuries Mrs. Pepper has on the other hand, Arthur isn’t sure if she has it just as bad if not worse compared to her husband’s. Instead of missing any major limbs, Mrs. Pepper has severe burn scars around her face and down her neck. Her right eye looks like it had been melted shut, so it stands to reason that she’s blind in that eye, too. More disturbingly, she also has some burn scars over her hands as well. Was she thrown into a fire or something?

Upon seeing Mr. Pepper make eye contact with him, Arthur quickly turns away, giving Vivian some attention before looking over at his uncle and Belle. Belle looks as healthy as a typical person in their twenties would be, and while Lance has started to show some signs of old age here and there, nothing about him has really changed much.

“We’re waiting for Nana Niniane to arrive,” Morgan broke the silence, “Before anyone says anything, I’m going to make this clear.”

She glared at Lance and the Peppers.

“I don’t know what you did and frankly, I don’t really care. But when Nana Niniane wants answers, she will get answers. So all of you better answer honestly, because trust me, she’s much worse than I am.”

They all nervously glanced at each other. Arthur isn’t really sure how to feel about their reaction. At the same time, though, he knew about Morgan’s talent in using her words instead of physical violence to get the results she wants. Hopefully, her presence will make the Pepper family a little more cooperative. The last thing he wants is for a rock to be thrown at him right now, because he didn’t want any of the stones to hurt Vivian.

Vivian tugged at the collar of Arthur’s vest, and he nuzzled his cheek against her head in response.

“Um…”

Arthur immediately turned to the Peppers and grimaced in disgust. He didn’t like the way they were looking at him or his children. Vivian didn’t seem to care as she just remained focused on him.

“Is,” Mr. Pepper started to speak, then quickly turned to Elaine, “Is she also your daughter? She’s really cute.”

An attempted save. Arthur thought. He isn’t sure whether to commend Mr. Pepper for that or not.

Gwen and Percy looked at each other with uncertainty in their eyes.

“Her name is Vivian. And yes, she is our youngest daughter,” Elaine said as she placed a hand on Arthur’s shoulder, “In case you’re curious, she’s three. And the twins, Gwen and Percy, are fourteen. But we’re not here to talk about that, are we?”

Arthur looked down to see Vivian staring at Elaine strangely. He figured it was probably because she isn’t used to seeing her mother look or talk so strictly and decided to distract her by whispering to her ear that he loves her. Vivian giggled and hugged him.

“Love you, too, Daddy,” she whispered back, only audible enough for him to hear.

Right as Elaine knelt down to give Vivian some affection, the sound of a bell alerting employees of customers made everyone look to see who came.

Arthur felt chills run down into his spine.

Out of the corner of his eye, Arthur could see Vivian’s hair bristle at the sight of Vivi and Mystery coming in, with Gwen and Percy at the ready. He couldn’t blame them, especially once he knew that the Mystery Skulls had in fact tried to kill his children as “monsters.” What’s also worrying is that the section of Vivian’s hair that had been cut off by Vivi hasn’t even grown back yet.

The reaction upon seeing Arthur with the children is instantaneous. Vivi looked upset while Mystery’s fur bristled like a scared animal would. Arthur followed their gaze to see that it’s Percy they’re staring a--

“Wait, Vivian!”

At and Percy’s shouts, Vivi and Mystery barely had time to react before dodging Vivian’s hair spearing at their feet with a loud crack. Growling, Mystery started to move forward before suddenly being yanked back by the collar as a light blue aura surrounded Vivi and most of Vivian’s hair, which then got uprooted from the floor.

“Don’t even think about it, mutt.”

Arthur, as he held Vivian closer to himself with Elaine holding an arm in front of them protectively, could only feel relieved upon seeing Niniane with one hand surrounded by magic, then felt confusion when he noticed her holding up a colored rope of some sort with her other hand. Tracing the rope led him to seeing that it’s roped around Mystery’s neck like a leash, which led to a rather unnerving sight of the kitsune turned dog being strangled with little breathing room.

“I thought I told you that you are not to attack my family. Let alone approach them without our explicit permission,” Niniane said in a calm tone, but everyone could tell that she is furious.

“But she started it!” Mystery protested, which turned out to be a mistake as Niniane lifted the rope to bring him closer to her face, causing him to gag.

Is she trying to hang him on purpose? Arthur quietly turned Vivian’s head away from the scene while feeling very unnerved. If not for the fact that he knew what Mystery actually is, he would have immediately considered Niniane’s actions to be animal abuse. Vivi looked like she wanted to help, but judging from her fearful look at Niniane, she had to reconsider.

“And I have told you that I will handle my family and that you and Yukino are not to lay a single finger, or paw, on them,” Niniane then roughly let Mystery back down on the floor, giving him some much needed breath, “I will let this slide just this once, but do it again and I will not hesitate to stay true to my word,” she tapped her foot once to emphasize, “I’m sure the both of you know very well on what I mean.”

The two cracks left on the floor from Vivian’s hair spearing it could very well make whatever potential consequences Niniane has planned for them be sunshine and daisies in comparison.

Niniane then approached Arthur and smiled affectionately at Vivian, “Sorry about that, my sweet moppet. I can see that you were just being a good little girl wanting to protect her daddy. I ask that you do not do anything to them unless your mommy says so, for I will make sure that the bad girl and her mutt behave,” she gently tapped Vivian on the nose, “Could you do that for me? Pretty please?”

Vivian looked up at Arthur, as if wanting to ask if she really has to. “Bad girl,” she said in a voice that showed how scared she really is, pointing at Vivi, who briefly looked offended before switching to a neutral expression in response to Niniane and Elaine’s glare.

Although he has his doubts, Arthur nodded and stroked at her hair, “It’s okay, Vivian. Nana is here, Auntie Morgan is here, Mama is here, and Daddy is here. It’s okay. They won’t hurt you anymore.”

Fortunately, it was enough to convince Vivian as she let her hair return to its normal state. Arthur could hear the twins sign in relief.

“I do apologize for the damage on your floor, Mr. Kingsmen,” Niniane said as she released her magic, “But worry not. I will repair it once we adjourn this meeting. I believe you have seen enough ‘paranormal activity’ for today, have you not?”

“Right…”

Arthur is thankful that Lance and the Peppers wisely decided to keep quiet during the whole ordeal. Come to think of it, do the Peppers know what the Knights family can do? They probably do since they didn’t react as loudly as Lance did. He figured his uncle had filled them in somewhat.

“But before we do that, there’s one more thing that needs to be addressed,” Niniane gave Vivi a nod.

Vivi shifted her gaze to Arthur and Vivian briefly before turning to the exit and opened the door. She made a gesture as if inviting someone, then stepped back to allow a young boy in blue to enter the shop. Arthur recognized him immediately.

“This is my son, Jason,” Vivi has her hands on the boy’s shoulders, “My parents had to take grandma for a doctor’s appointment, so I had to bring him with me.”

“Arthur, with your permission, will it be all right if we leave the boy with Gwen and Percy?” Niniane asked, “I found that Nobuhiro Yukino wasn’t lying about his grandson’s interest in robotics. I have no issues with this since this situation surrounds your generation and not the children’s, but if you do, then I will send him and his mother away for another time. We probably don’t need her for this discussion, after all, just the mutt. It’s your choice.”

Jason kept his gaze down to his feet, not looking at anyone in the eye.

Arthur didn’t know what to do. If it were any other circumstance, he would have allowed it in a heartbeat, since Gwen and Percy would occasionally talk about trying to find like-minded people with an interest in robotics. But because Jason is Vivi’s son, he is a part of the Yukino family, and Arthur isn’t allowed to be near them according to the rules. If the wraith were to find out about the children…

But his whole family is here. Niniane is here, and she has demonstrated very well in that she could keep the Mystery Skulls from trying anything funny. Jason’s just a kid, and if by some chance that he has that strange ice magic like his mother does, then Gwen and Percy can handle him with no issue.

“That… would be fine,” he relented before turning to the twins, “I think you left one of your projects in Lance’s living room. Just stay in there until this is over.”

“What about Vivian?” Gwen asked.

“She’ll stay with us until she calms down a little more,” Elaine said, “And then we’ll bring her to you.”

Seeing Gwen and Percy nod in agreement is a relief. They took a moment to introduce themselves to Jason, which made the boy perk up a little. They seemed to be getting along, but Arthur didn’t get a chance to see any more after they left the lobby through the door leading to Lance’s home.

A minute passed in total silence.

“Now then, I think it’s time we finally have a proper conversation,” Niniane is the first to cut to the chase, her eyes narrowed down at Mystery briefly before showing a look of disgusted disappointment, “I believe we know why we’re here?”

“To apologize,” Mr. Pepper said, “We wanted—”

“Wrong. We’re here for answers, for there seems to be a major…” Niniane gave the leash a quick tug, making Mystery briefly struggle for breath, “Misunderstanding.”

Why does it matter? Regardless of the reason, Arthur knew he had to leave. It’s what they wanted. Still, it was wise for the Gwen and Percy to be out of sight and out of hearing range. He isn’t sure about having Vivian with him still, but if he just left her with her siblings, she would just teleport or run her way back to him whenever she felt like it.

So he just has to stay calm. Stay calm… for Vivian’s sake.

“Seeing that Arthur is in no condition to actually tell us why he left this drab town, I think it would be most adequate if we simply discuss what we have learned,” Niniane said as she twirled the rope that is Mystery’s leash around her fingers, “I shall start since my investigation has given me some rather… inconsistent answers.”

Stay calm… for her sake.

Niniane spoke about how it all started seventeen years ago. Where Arthur was maimed and traumatized, where Lewis died, and Vivi lost her memory of the former. How Arthur searched and searched for Lewis, not knowing he was dead. How Vivi and Mystery had followed him to help with the search, how they soon came across a haunted mansion.

Stay calm… for her sake…!

How the wraith had attacked them to how the Mystery Skulls barely escaped with their lives, to being attacked by the wraith and run off the road. So many events that Arthur did not want to recall among the loud sounds of a shotgun, Vivi’s screams, and Mystery’s growls. He didn’t want to deal with that part of the past. It had hurt so much.

“…even when it was spelled out to you that Arthur was unwillingly possessed by a demon, you never forgave him for his unwilling role in your son’s death,” Niniane said as she looked at Mr. and Mrs. Pepper with a mix of disappointment and disgust, “Did you?”

Mr. and Mrs. Pepper look guilty, and Arthur couldn’t understand why. No matter how many apologies he made, they have every right to not forgive him.

“I hope you realize that you’re not very knowledgeable if you seriously think that just anyone could resist a possession of that caliber,” Niniane sighed, “After all, if Arthur had, your son would probably still be alive. Keyword being ‘probably,’ because that demon could have easily taken control of either your son or Yukino, and there’s no telling whether either of them would have fared any better, if not worse.”

“I know that now. More than anyone here,” Mr. Pepper said as he used his only hand to grip at his right shoulder, “I lost this arm pretty much the same way, after all.”

Arthur felt cold, his face turned white as he took in Mr. Pepper’s words. If he lost his arm the same way he has, then… He narrowed his gaze at Mystery in disgust, who took a step back with his tail between his legs.

“That must have been dreadful,” Niniane said, her tone showing that she has no sympathy for Mr. Pepper’s condition, “Moving on, I have also found that this town has been cursed roughly a week or so after Arthur left, and that it has affected the entire population of Tempo,” she turned to Vivi, “Perhaps you would be willing to elaborate on what this curse does in detail?”

Vivi looked down at her feet and fiddled with her skirt, “It… It’s a nightmare.”

“Meaning?” Morgan furrowed her brow.

Arthur didn’t like where this was going.

Vivi gave them a wry smile, “I’m sure you’ve read about this town’s unusually high suicide rate?”

“That we did,” Morgan piped up as she looked at something on her phone, “Although it doesn’t explain why, it says here that for approximately the past sixteen years, there has been an increase in suicides by eightfold. It’s says on average that there would be a death toll of around forty every year, which is rather high for a town of less than two thousand people.”

“That’s an understatement, Aunt Morgan,” Elaine said with unease, “If we take simple math into account, then that means over six hundred people have ended their own lives from back then to now. But what does all that have to do with Arthur? He wasn’t here when all those people died.”

“That’s true, but the nightmares never cease to remind us.”

When everyone looked at Mystery, the kitsune disguised as a dog continued.

“Almost every night, we have nightmares of the… punishments Arthur went through.”

“Through his eyes,” Vivi continued, shivering “As if we were the ones receiving it. I-I never thought that it would hurt so much…”

“At first, we didn’t think much of it, since we thought we were the only ones that were cursed, but then we were confronted by some of the townspeople,” Mystery turned away in shame, “They lost some of their loved ones by the time they came to us.”

“So the curse that is plaguing Tempo are supernaturally-induced nightmares, which not only affect you but the townspeople as well,” Niniane hummed, “Unless Arthur is the one that deliberately left such a curse, I’d imagine it came from a separate source.”

“I know for a fact that it wasn’t me,” Arthur spoke, upset that Niniane would even suggest such a conclusion, even though he knows she doesn’t believe it, “All I cared about was leaving this place. Anyone here could do whatever they wanted for all I care so long as I wasn’t a part of it.”

He felt a tug on his vest and looked down at Vivian. He held her closer to himself to assure both her (and himself) that it’s okay.

He hopes so.

The thought of being responsible for more than Lewis’s death would be too much to bear.

“I suppose you have an idea on what caused this curse in the first place,” Niniane said, “Especially since some of you have mentioned at least once that Arthur is needed to end the nightmare.”

“We believe he’s the key to breaking it,” Mystery said, “Since it was the demon that ruined everything that caused it.”

There was a long silence.

“You mean to tell me that the demon that took your arm was never exorcised?” Elaine asked in disbelief before looking at Arthur, “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I… I never knew,” Arthur muttered as he looked down, “All I knew was that it was gone. I actually thought that they took care of it after I left.”

“It escaped before we could properly destroy it,” Vivi sighed, “That’s also the reason why we’ve been going around exterminating monsters. We were trying to find the demon that caused all this and hopefully break the curse, but we never could.”

“And nearly killed our children in the process,” Elaine grumbled to herself, which Arthur is pretty sure everyone could hear.

“When did this demon escape?” Niniane asked before her face shifted into an expression Arthur couldn’t identify, “Or more accurately, when and how did you first encounter it after Arthur left?”

The look of guilt that spread across Vivi and the Peppers is… telling. Lance also looked angry, as if recalling an unpleasant memory, which he probably is. Arthur didn’t know how to feel about that fact.

“It all started when I got a phone call from Lance,” Vivi rubbed her arm, as if to distract herself, “He asked me if I heard from Arthur and when he would be back from his solo vacation. Back then, I had no idea what he was talking about. That’s when we realized that Arthur went missing. Lance called the police to see if they could find him, and while they were on their search, Lance visited our home to see if we could find any clues in Arthur’s room.”

“That’s how I found the medical supplies and some used bandages,” Lance grumbled, “And when I realized that Arthur ran off to escape from domestic abuse.”

“I didn’t know he was being abused by Lewis! I swear to it!” Vivi insisted despite Niniane’s glare, “As soon as I learned of it, I immediately tried to fix things!”

Arthur gritted his teeth. Even now, Vivi still clings to her delusions.

“And what about you, mutt?” Niniane gave a tug on the leash, “I would imagine that through your role as a family pet of sorts, you would have a whiff of what was going on.”

“Arthur is very good at hiding his problems,” Mystery said, “And even then, I was more focused on caring for Vivi, for I am bound to her family. I know this does not excuse myself for my ignorance, and I doubt you will accept any apologies from me now, if ever.”

Arthur knew very well that the Knights family won’t accept it. For some reason, neither will he. Unlike everyone else in the room, Arthur has no intention to delve further into it. What’s in the past should stay in the past.

“Mmh…”

Arthur looked down at Vivian and saw that she is nodding off. He figures that’s a good thing, since he is beginning to think that it may be for the best that she isn’t around for this conversation.

He didn’t want to be here. He has to get away.

“I need to put her to bed,” he said as he stood up, all eyes trained on him, “I’ll… be back shortly.”

“I’ll go with you,” Elaine gave him an understanding smile.

Niniane and Morgan nodded, and Arthur left with Elaine behind him.

…

“It’s hard for you, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Arthur nodded as he tucked Vivian into the bed that is in his old bedroom, “I-I know I haven’t told you and your family everything, and I’m sorry. But I just couldn’t, I couldn’t say anything. Even I don’t understand why anymore. All I wanted was just to let go and move on.”

“Arthur…”

“I-I don’t even know what’s wrong with me anymore,” he shook his head, “All this time, I’ve accepted that the Peppers had every right to be angry at me, that I deserved their hatred. I even accepted the blame from Vivi’s parents for being the cause of her amnesia. I mean, as far as I know, her memory is already back, but—I just don’t understand. Just… Why? Why are they always apologizing ever since we came here?”

The two left the bedroom.

“My knight,” Elaine cupped a hand around Arthur’s cheek, “Let me ask you this, then. After their apologies, can you tell me that you still blame yourself even now?”

“It doesn’t matter about who apologizes, Elaine,” he said as he held Elaine’s hand, “It doesn’t change the fact that, in a sense, I still killed Lewis. The Peppers had their family torn apart because of me. I even tried to turn myself in to the police, but I’d get held back every time. And just now we’ve learned that my leaving may have caused so many people unrelated to me, to everyone I knew here, to die from a curse that demon made. How can I not blame myself?”

Elaine smiled sadly, “Did you want Lewis dead at any point? Or any of this to happen?”

“No!” Arthur forced himself to keep his volume to a minimum in order to not wake Vivian, “I never wanted any of this to happen! All I wanted was to leave. They… they were already happy even without me.”

“You should tell the others that when we get back to them. Remember, I’m here for you, and Aunt Morgan and Nana Niniane are here for you. The kids are here for you, too. Know that you’re not alone. Not anymore ever since the day we got married, ever since you became a part of my family.”

Arthur gave a breath that mixed from a single laugh and a sob, “I know.”

“Whether or not you may have caused this town’s curse is irrelevant. What is relevant is that you left this place for one reason or another, it was something someone here did, and you had to get away from the pain,” Elaine pulled him closer, “No matter what anyone says, none of this is your fault. I know it.”

She kissed him in the lips and held him close. The two stayed like that for a moment before Arthur broke away from the contact.

“We should check on the kids before we go back,” Arthur said, “I don’t think Vivi’s son will do anything, but I… I just want to make sure they’re safe.”

“Of course.”

Soon, Arthur and Elaine were about to approach the living room, but something seems strange. Why does it feel oddly cold yet hot? It feels familiar, but it can’t be. The last time Arthur ever felt this is when-- Arthur made the sudden decision to rush for the twins. If Vivi’s son did something that could harm them—

“We never knew Dad like that. Sure, he does get scared sometimes, but he was never scared of us, even after that time back when I was seven.”

Arthur stopped. Is Percy talking to Jason? Back when Percy was seven? It took a moment before realizing that his son is talking about the time his power first awakened before losing control, and how Arthur himself nearly died because of it.

“I’m sure it’s because the three of you are his children,” a good-natured chuckle rumbled, “And from what you told me, your father is still a forgiving person even now. I just don’t think…”

It’s strange… that voice is familiar. The somewhat soft-spoken and low baritone voice that’s enough to put anyone at ease when someone new speaks to him for the first time…!

“Is someone else here?” Elaine whispered, “It feels like a ghost, but it’s not malicious. At least, I don’t think it is.”

Elaine can sense ghosts.

…No.

“Arthur?!”

His heart pounding, Arthur immediately went into the living room as Elaine called out to him. The three children were startled upon seeing him, and Arthur immediately spotted Gwen reading what looks like a comic book of sorts with Jason, the boy hiding behind her. Immediately after he sees Percy.

Something cracked.

“Daddy…?” Gwen looked scared. She should be.

Something snapped.

“Dad?” Percy is slow to speak, “W-What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Percy is holding something in his hands. Blue. Heart-shaped.

Pulsing.

The three children didn’t concern him. It’s what’s behind them.

Arthur opened his mouth.

A gurgle.

Something broke.

“Arthur…?!”

The wraith is among them.

The wraith has its hand on Percy…!

The wraith moved.

His left arm raised.

Before he could take a step, Arthur’s mind went blank as red spilled.

- - - - - - -

...Told ya.

I’m worried about the future, future!

Ain’t fucking with that past shit, baby!

I’m worried about the future, future, future, future…!

Part 19: Thought I Told Ya...!

[shoeshoecin]

I recently requested a prayer from Skippy when my mothers was seriously ill. Skippy and Brewster both contributed to the prayer and they really got through me through difficult times. We buried my mother aka Nana today and we all said goodbye. My daughter read her this letter at the funeral today and I wanted to share it with you. I never post on tumblr I enjoy all #megxit posts and appreciate your insight and research regarding MM.

Dear Nana,

​The last time that we talked you told me that you don’t like funerals. When I asked, “why?”, you said, “at funerals people just say a bunch of nice stuff about the person that everyone knows wasn’t really true.” To that I ensured you that people only have nice things to say about you because you are simply the best. Although, you didn’t seem convinced, but you can put your fears to rest because I promise I am only going to say things that are 100% honest.

​On the topic of honesty, you are the most honest person I have ever met. A bit brutally honest actually. For example, I remember coming back from the beach one day and you asked me if I gained the “freshman 15” after going away to college. A bit perplexed by your sudden question, I replied, “umm..I don’t really know, I haven’t weighed myself…why? Do you think I’ve gained weight?” You said, “well yeah. You look like you’ve gained some weight. Maybe not a full 15...maybe more like 5 or 10. You still look good though.” Even though that probably wasn’t what I was looking to hear while I stood in the kitchen in my bikini, I can appreciate the honesty. Another example of your honestly was the time that I painted you a watercolor painting of a cat (because I know how much you love cats). I was so excited to give it to you after working on it all night, and when I presented it to you, you look one look and said, “what happened to the tail? The tail is too short it looks like something happened to it.” I said, “oh yeah, I guess the tail is a little short, but do you like it?” You replied to my hopeful question with, “well, it’d be nicer if the tail was longer, but I’ll still hang it up.” Yup, you are definitely not scared to speak your mind. If I ever need an ego check, you know where I’ll be. With that being said, despite the small blows to my self esteem, I’ve always admired your honesty as it was quite refreshing and always consistent.

​Speaking of consistency, you are one of the very few people that I can always count on to be consistent. For example, everyone always looks forward to going to Nana’s for dinner because everything you bake or cook is always amazing. From your angel hair pasta, to your lima beans, to your brownies, zucchini bread, pies and magical (almost too perfect) assortment of Christmas cookies every year, everything you make is always consistently delicious. Even from the youngest age, I always knew that I could look forward to dinner and dessert at Nana’s. You are also extremely consistent when it comes to buying anything marketed as “NEW!” I know that if I walk into your kitchen there will always be a package of the newest limited edition of Oreos sitting there…unopened. Even your response to the question, “Nana why did you buy these?” was consistently, “it’s new!” You’ve never failed to tell me how much you dislike the fact that my jeans are ripped and I actually bought them like that. I can always expect to see clean clothes perfectly hanging on the clothes line in the yard. You consistently wear Keds and cashmere sweaters while eating a sticky bun from the bakery in the morning. You are also pretty consistent with feeding the dog at family parties even when my mom and Johnny Z asked everyone not to. Watching you feed Marsden huge chunks of cheese and crackers under the table right after being asked not to always made me laugh. You always keep a pitcher of iced tea in the fridge, fresh peaches on the counter, and mint chocolate chip ice cream in your freezer (never the white mint though because according to you the white mint does not taste the same as the green mint ice cream, and you will not eat the white mint). I’m really glad that mint chocolate chip is your favorite flavor of ice cream, because it’s my favorite too.

Sometimes I wonder where I got my sweet tooth, but if you’ve ever stayed up past midnight with Nana, you would know that the timeframe of 12 am to 3 am is filled with candy, sour cream and onion chips, popsicles, Cheetos, and ice cream sundaes. People always think that you don’t eat very much, but you and I both know that they just don’t stay up late enough to witness the late night snacking that happens over a game of scrabble, while baggage or family feud is playing on the TV. These late nights have been some of my favorite memories over the years, and you always gave your best advice during these times. For example, I vividly remember one summer night at age 16. I was on my second bowl of what was now melted mint ice cream and losing pretty bad at a game of scrabble. To make matters worse, all the letters I was left with were all vowels and my mind drifted to the break up I had earlier that day. Shockingly, I began to cry for probably the 7th time that day, and you said, “Oh god what are you crying for? You should be happy. Now you can play the field. Playing the field is much more fun than having just one boyfriend.” Like I said, you always give the best advice.

As I’m thinking about all the advice you’ve given me, I am reminded of all the other things that you’ve shown and taught me. For example, thanks to you, I know what its like to walk into a room with a celebrity. I remember it like it was yesterday, one rainy night my mom and I drove down to play a game of bingo with you. When we walked in the door, I was immediately stopped and questioned by the tight security who asked to see my ID because I apparently looked “12” – which would be a no-go considering that apparently the bingo staff takes the age restrictions of bingo very seriously. Just as I was about to show the security my proof of ID to confirm that I was in fact above the age of 18, you came to our rescue. A simple, “they’re with me,” and all of a sudden we were treated like royalty and all further questions turned into staff members offering us refreshments. I learned something else that night too. It was brought to my attention that my mom and I are really bad at bingo, like really bad. It’s a good thing that you were there to inform us that our cards were upside down and we had been playing the game completely wrong for the first half hour. By the end of the four-hour bingo game, you were playing all of our cards for us alongside the 20 that you had laid out in front of you, while my mom and I resorted to eating gummy bears and counting the number of sneezes for every minute that went by. Watching you play bingo was honestly an honor because that takes a level of skill I most definitely did not inherit. When I think about you, I think about good times like these, and how honored I am to be your granddaughter.

Although above all, when I think about you, I think about how strong you are. A particular moment of strength was the time that you broke your hip on the fourth of July. Most people would probably be crying or at least deeply concerned with the physical pain they were experiencing, but you were much more concerned with the deviled eggs that were in your hands when you fell along with who was going to make the pie if you went to the hospital. Unfortunately for us, the blueberry pie was left in the hands of Uncle Jeff…and I’m just gonna go ahead and say, your concerns were all too valid. To be honest I’ve always thought about my mom and wondered how she became such a strong, independent, and amazing woman, but now I can clearly see that its because she always had you to look up to. And I want to thank you for being someone that I could also always look up to. Thank you for teaching me all about the virtue of honesty. Thank you for being someone I could always consistently depend on to be there. Thank you for all of the late night chats and all of your priceless advice. Thank you for passing on your love of baking and sharing a sweet tooth with me. Thank you for gracing me with the honor of learning how to play bingo from a real pro. Thank you for showing me what a strong, kind, and beautiful woman looks like. Thank you for everything.

I started this letter by referencing the last time we we had the chance to talk. You explained why you don’t like funerals because of the apparent lack of honesty. Well, I hope this letter delivered the kind of authenticity that you were hoping for because I just have one last thing that I would like to revisit. In that same conversation, after we had discussed the flaws within funerals, I told you that I love you. You replied by saying, “aw I love you too, and I hope that I can love you from heaven. I think I can.” Your response to my statement was one that I will never forget. So, I just want to say that I will always love you, no matter where you are. Thank you for being you.

Love,

Ella

[calebswitching]

Heart to heart with mom

Caleb has a long talk with his mother during parent week

@the-duvals

Clara and Caleb had agreed to meet at the gates of the school. She did want to try out this new supposedly 'classic Greek' cuisine, but mostly she wanted some time with just Caleb. She wanted to make sure she got time with all three boys alone during the week. Her dear sweet Nick was easy. They got into the kitchen and the communication flowed. Noah was impossible for reasons that she didn't want to explore. Caleb should have been easier, but her dear, logical, brilliant boy seemed to be... well she wasn't sure what, but obviously it had to do with the whole mess the month before. There had been no time to talk since he'd been missing for what felt like a year. Damn Mark for continuing to be in her son's life. She wasn't someone who liked violence, but God help that man if she ever got alone in a room with him. It all feels so out of her control. She smiled when she saw her son already there waiting for her. As soon as she was close enough she pulled him into a hug. "Oh... this is the thing I miss most. Getting to hug my sons whenever I want. I don't miss the science experiments in my fridge and growing on my windowsill but I do miss this." She steps back. "Let me get a look at you." It's then that she sees it. His collar is missing. "Oh... sweetheart."

Caleb should have been excited to see his mom.  And maybe part of him was.  He loved her, and he wanted to get a hug from her and to talk like they used to.  He just wanted to soak up her maternal presence while he had a chance, since he got to see her so rarely these days.  But he was dreading the conversation that he knew was coming.  He hadn't told her everything that had happened in July, and he hated talking about it.  Mostly because it flooded him with guilt.  He had been so stupid, reacted entirely in fear instead of thinking things through, and he'd almost ruined his claim in the process.  And he still wasn't wearing his collar.  Which his mother was going to notice, certainly.  Dad had noticed, when they'd gone to the book store together, but hadn't really commented, other than to ask a few gentle questions about how things were going with Eric.  Caleb hadn't explained about the collar, but his dad had seemed mollified by his reassurances that he and Eric were working through things and were still together.  But Caleb was sure his mother would want to know more. Still, seeing her smile at the sight of him made him smile too, and he sank into her hug.  It was odd, because despite being both taller and broader than her, she still made him feel like he was the one being held against her strong frame and enveloped in her arms.  Maybe it was a mom thing, a psychological thing, that she never lost the ability to make him feel safe like that.  He pulled back, huffing a soft laugh at the mention of science experiments in her fridge.  Then her expression changed, and his own smile froze, then faded.  He looked down, ashamed.  "It's, uh...  it's okay, I've got a cuff."  He held up his wrist to show her the cuff Eric had given him, which he began to fidget with.  "Plenty of people have cuffs for their claims..."  It was true, but it still sounded like an excuse.

Clara saw the change in him. At first it had been just as always. Her tall lanky man still seeming like just her her little boy as she hugged him. But as soon as she mentioned the collar he tightened up and closed off, his words sounding like nothing more than an excuse. Their claim hadn't been dissolved. Hector would have told her immediately about that. But now that she thinks back to their parting that morning he had been a bit cagey. "Yes, some people do choose cuffs for all sorts of reasons. Did you and Eric change your minds about having a collar?" She knows this wasn't some sort of aesthetic choice either of them had made. She straightened up and breath in deeply and let it out in a slow exhale. "Alright, listen my little dumplin' I know something real bad happened last month. I know you haven't wanted to talk about. Nick and Noah told me it was that damn... that it had to do with Mark, but kiddo you gotta tell your mom what's goin' on because I'm getting mighty worried right now." Her veneer always slipped away revealing just how much of a Texan girl she was in these moments. Moving to the big city, didn't change the fact that she was an Odessa country girl deep down. She took his hand and clasped it tightly in hers. "I love you Caleb Aaron Duv... Anderson and that will not change, but you've got to tell me what's going on." Her statement had all of the power of motherhood and Dominance behind it. A powerful combination of strength and love that no one could resist.

Caleb hesitated, unsure how answer.  Because, well, yes, they had changed their minds, sort of.  Or, Eric had, temporarily, while they worked on restoring trust between them. Fixing what Caleb had broken. But that wasn't what she meant, and Caleb knew it.  She was asking if they had simply decided they liked a cuff better, and the answer to that was no.  But then his mother continued, and Caleb was saved from having to come up with an answer, at least for a moment.  Not that it made him feel any better.  He could tell his mother was getting upset, because her southern accent was getting stronger.  He ducked his head and shifted his weight uneasily, even as he held on tightly to her hand when she took his.

"I'm sorry, mama," he said quietly.  He never called her that anymore, just mom, but it slipped out.  He suddenly felt like crying, and it was mortifying.  He was a grown man, he shouldn't break down in tears like a toddler just because his mom was the tiniest bit firm with him.  He swallowed and kept control of himself, carefully.  "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry so much.  I, um...  I can't wear my collar right now."  His hand came up automatically to touch his throat where it should be.  "I'll get it back, when Eric and I... when we're okay again, I guess.  But I..."  He swallowed thickly again.  This was so difficult to admit.  "I broke his trust.  Some of it was Mark's fault, but I could have told Eric what was going on.  I had a chance, I could have gone to him.  Mark was threatening to hurt me, or Eric, or himself, but... I still made a choice not to tell Eric.  And I was the one who took the collar off.  So when I got back to school...  Eric wasn't ready for me to have again yet, is all.  Because it- it stands for something I had- had broken."  He grimaced, face screwed up, trying not to get emotional.

Clara's heart broke for he sensitive boy. All her sons were sensitive in their own ways. For Caleb it was different though because another human being had broken him open. He was like an open nerve and it was so damn unfair. She listened to him without interruption before sighing and nodding. She needed to be very careful here. Caleb was another Dominant's submissive now. And she herself had a duty as a fellow Dominant to look at this from that perspective as well as a mother who just wanted to protect her baby from everything and everyone. She pulled him into another hug and just held him. "Just breathe dumplin'. Just breathe with me for a minute. Okay?" She didn't care who was there or who saw. They could all get bent as far as she was concerned. She'd spied a small stone bench under a larch oak tree not far off and she pulled back to take his hand and lead him over. She sat and patted the space next to her.

"First, I'm so sorry all of that happened. Mark needs to be dealt with. This is completely unacceptable. He can't keep coming into your life and turning it upside down." She let that sit for a moment before continuing on to the tough stuff. "I love you, my own. I love you more than the sun... more than paprika and you know how much I love paprika." She chuckled wanting to keep things as light as possible. "I love you and I also know that you should have trusted your Dom. You know that, he does, it's not something that needs to be discussed too much. But what I think is the larger issue is that we might need to start really facing what his abuse of you did. Because dumplin' I know how much you trust Eric. That boy means the world to you and more than that, he taught you to trust after someone crushed all of your trust into dust. After someone you loved pulled trust from your heart fiber by fiber. I don't think trust is the issue here. I think trauma is the issue." She held his gaze. "Eric is right to wait until you've worked out this breach of trust. But how are you doing that? What work are you doing?"

Caleb let himself be pulled into his mom's arms again and tried to breathe, like she said.  He didn't cry, but it was a near thing.  He just breathed, slowly, counting to ten before exhaling again, then counting again, and repeating until he could feel the horrible tightness in his throat recede.

He followed her over to the bench, glancing around as he did.  No one was nearby.  Good.  He didn't want an audience for this conversation.  Obediently, he sat next to her, though he began to fidget immediately.  He stared down at his knees as she spoke, though the comment about paprika got a weak chuckle out of him.  He looked up at her towards the end, watching her with a worried expression.  It was comforting to hear her say she knew how much he loved Eric.  He was still so scared that people thought he was lying, and he didn't really love his Dom, or didn't love him enough, or the way he should.  As she finished, though, Caleb looked down again.  "...We're trying," he said quietly.  "I'm still seeing my therapist.  And I'm trying to do better about communicating.  Eric says he just needs time... and I'm trying to be patient.  He deserves whatever space he needs, after what I put him through.  Especially after Mav..."  His mother had heard all about that, back in May, when Caleb had missed his co-sub so much.  "I hurt him, mom.  I might still be dealing with what Mark did, but now he's hurting, too, and it's my fault."  His throat felt tight again, and he grimaced and turned his face away.  "I don't know how to handle it.  I... I'm not allowed to leave campus with anyone but him or Noah right now, because he doesn't trust me, but I haven't told him that I'm scared to leave campus anyway.  I'm glad I'm not allowed because then it's easy to use as an excuse if someone asks.  I don't know how to fix anything.  There's nothing I can do, but just try to be good, and obedient, and hope it's enough."

Clara again listened carefully and quietly. She let a breath of a laugh pass her lips as she reached up to cup his cheek for a moment. "That's a whole lot to unpack isn't it?" She tilted her head from side to side. "I believe you dumplin'. Neither of you are the type to give in are you? You'll keep trying. All claims have their problems. Your father and I have had plenty of tough times. Times I thought our claim might fall apart. And we've hurt each other. I hate to admit just as much as you hate to admit you hurt Eric. But you are admitting it. You are owning it and working to fix it." She smiled wanly. "You don't have to know how to fix it. Sometimes I think it's the effort that is the answer in and of itself. Claims are never easy. You have to work." She nodded. "I know how hard it is, but give him that space right now. There's a lot he's working through as well, I'm sure." She shook her head. "Oh dumplin' you are good. You are such a good submissive and Eric knows that. I think it's not your obedience that needs to be addressed. It's that fear. You've come a long way toward rebuilding your ability to trust. I saw that the last time I was here, but then the fear came and shattered it." She rolled her lip in and out before looking back at him. "Would you be alright with me talking to Eric? Not to put him on the spot or try and hurry him or anything like that. Just to give him the chance to talk things through."

Caleb ducked his head down and nodded.  It was strange to hear his mom admit to having hurt dad, or vice versa, but logically he understood.  Two people couldn't live together for three decades without at some point hurting the other one's feelings.  It had always just seemed like his parents' relationship was perfect, and that they both always knew what they were doing.  But of course they had been young once.  He let out a breath and nodded.  "I'm trying," he murmured.  "It's so hard, mom.  Because he's my Dom.  It's so hard to give him space, when I need him so much.  We're sleeping in the same bed again now, but the first few weeks, when we weren't... I couldn't sleep.  I felt so guilty just being in his bed, when he was in the spare room.  But he wouldn't listen, and I didn't want to push, I didn't want to argue over something so inconsequential...  And I know he's trying to be what I need, too, but it's all so delicate, I'm scared to push him on anything." He let out a breath when she reassured him that he was good.  Oh, how he wanted that to be true.  It was easy to let himself believe it, at least for a second, coming from his mom.  But she was right, he knew, about the fear.  It was poison, and he didn't know how to be rid of it.  He bit his lip, nervous and unsure, but nodded.  "If you want to," he said softly.  "Just please don't make him feel bad.  He's so worried that he's not a good Dominant.  He thinks that all this is at least partly his fault, and he blames himself for not realizing what was going on with Mav, and he's scared he isn't doing enough to help me.  And I don't want him to feel any worse.  He's been so good to me.  He doesn't know how good he is."

"Oh dumplin' of course you need him. And you can tell him that. Giving him space doesn't mean he stops being your Dom. In fact I think telling him exactly what you just told me will go so far to rebuilding his trust. Telling him how frightened you are to go into town. Telling him all of the feelings you're having." She paused. "This is going to be hard for you to hear, but you might have to argue with him. You're going to have to fight like hell for him. And part of that is going into that uncomfortable space where you tell him all of these things. You're working hard to keep him comfortable, but sweetheart in the end he doesn't want comfort he wants you. That you are floundering without him will not make him feel upset. It might be hard for him right now, but he's your Dom and he needs to know that you need him. Clara shook her head. "I will not be making him feel bad. I promise. I want to be a Dom he can talk to as well as someone who knows you and knows the situation." She nodded. "I think it's possible that with what happened with Mav, he's dealing with his own kind of trauma. That's what I'm concerned about. You're both hurt and your traumas are banging against each other. It's not about one or the other of you being 'bad' or 'doing it wrong'. You both just need a little guidance to get back on the path."

Caleb let out a breath and sagged a little.  She was right, he knew that.  Communication, wasn't that what Eric was always telling him?  He needed to speak up, say how he felt.  But he'd been so scared lately that if he asked for anything, Eric would just give it to him, regardless of how Eric actually felt.  That Eric wouldn't take the space he needed if Caleb asked him for anything. But then again, maybe that was just another failure to entrust his needs to his Dominant.  Wasn't the point of submitting to Eric to let him choose how and when Caleb's needs were met?  He was just so scared of doing the wrong thing, and it seemed like anything he chose had a good chance of being wrong.  "I know," he said quietly, miserably.  "I think he knows that I need him.  He has to know.  But...  you're right, I know you're right.  I'll do better, I promise." Caleb sagged a little and tipped to the side to lean against his mom, putting his head down on her shoulder.  "I hate that he doesn't think he's a good Dom.  I don't know what to do to convince him.  I can't even begin to understand how he could think that, but he really does.  He worries about not being good enough, and losing me and our claim because of it.  And it's hard for me to understand because...  I know I've told you about how amazing he is, mom, how patient he is with me, but...  Everyone says their Dom is wonderful and amazing, it just sounds like I'm in love with him.  And I am.  But he's more than that, he's so good, and I don't understand how he doesn't see it.  He got me to trust again.  He did.  When we met... I couldn't even admit to being upset in front of him, he tried to get me to tell him what was wrong one day and I hid in his bathroom because I couldn't do it, and he wouldn't let me leave while I was upset.  I know I still struggle with trust, but I never would have come so far without him.  Never."

Her sons were forever open books to her. Their thoughts were written across their beautiful faces. "Good boy. You'll feel... well you'll feel nervous and maybe a little worse at first, but in the end you'll be glad you opened up to him completely. Share it all with him, dumplin'. I know it's scary but share the good, the bad, and the ugly. Might be he shows you how mighty beautiful what you think is ugly actually is." When he leaned against her, she put her arm around him and held him tight. "There's nothing you can do. He's got to learn that for himself. These are the things that will make him truly understand what it means to be a Dom. Not the surface trappings. Doms hafta dig real deep to find what truly makes them a Dom. What makes us deserving of these marks." She nodded. "You love him and that's a very good thing because you have so much to love, but it's all of the other things that makes your claim strong. Stronger than this. You're both stronger than this." She thought about Caleb hiding in the bathroom unable to talk about his feelings. He's come so far and a lot of that is owing to Eric Anderson. "I'll talk to him. You'll see he'll come around. In the meantime just open up all of yourself to him. I promise you won't regret it."

Leaning against his mom, Caleb was able to believe, at least for the moment, that things weren't hopeless.  That he could say all these things to Eric and it wouldn't be scary.  And it made him feel better that she wanted to talk to Eric, too.  Hopefully she would be able to tell him just how good he has been for Caleb, and what an amazing Dom he really was.  Maybe hearing it from another Dominant would help.  "Thanks, mom," Caleb murmured.  "For talking to him.  I'll do better, I promise.  I can be patient.  I want my collar back, but I can wait until he's ready.  My instinct is always to keep quiet, not bother him, not burden him.  But I know you're right, that isn't submitting, it's holding back, and it's not my place to choose what he does or doesn't do for me.  I have to tell him what's in my head, or he isn't making a decision not to give me what I want, I'm making that decision for him."  He let out a heavy breath.  "It just feels like I'm being demanding, you know?  I don't want to push for more than he wants to give."

"Of course Cay. I will do anything to help." She felt her heart break a little. "And I know you'll do better, because you are better. You are wonderful. You're an amazing man and a beautiful submissive. And bit by bit as you heal and he heals you'll see that it will get better for both of you." She nodded. "You will need to be patient about the collar for now. Tell him everything, but let him decide when to put that collar back on you. He will, dumplin. I have no doubt about that. But yes be patient. When he puts it on you the second time it will be for a stronger claim. You will remember that day forever." She furrowed her brow. "You're absolutely right. There may come times that you're not ready to talk or that you need to make a decision for yourself. You're a submissive, not a slave. When those times come you just need to trust that you can tell him about that too. This is why we all gotta go to Institute. None of this stuff is at all easy."

Caleb nodded without lifting his head from her shoulder. "I know that, mom. That sometimes I have to make decisions and boundaries and it doesn't mean I'm being disrespectful. It's... Sometimes it's hard because somewhere in the back of my head is this voice that I should just submit, regardless of anything else, but I know I'm not a slave and I get to have a say. It's not really an issue, since Eric always asks how I feel about things. And I'm getting better at telling him even if he doesn't ask. And I have a safe word. Not just during scenes. We have a second one. I haven't had to use it much, but it's for times when I don't know what to do or I'm nervous and I need him to check in with me.  Heisenberg.  You know, because it's an uncertainty principal."

Clara smiled. Her sweet, scientific boy was still just that. "I think that's an excellent strategy. Having situation specific safewords is a good practice that not many claims take advantage of. Your father has a certain gesture that is situation specific." She smiled warmly thinking of her submissive. He is where the boys get their sensitivity from.  "Can't tell you what it's for since that would be breach of his trust, but I can tell you that it has been real helpful. But let me ask you something. Have there been times especially recently that you've needed to use that safeword, but you held back?"

Caleb felt a little better when his mom approved of their strategy.  The information about dad made him lift his head to look at her curiously.  Internally, he debated whether it would be a bad idea to ask dad about it.  He didn't want to make his dad uncomfortable, but he was suddenly very curious.  His mom's next question, though, made him look down again, and he shrugged.  "I don't know," he said softly.  He hadn't thought about that, lately, but now that she brought it up, he realized she was right.  He looked away, feeling guilty.  "Yes.  Probably.  ....Definitely.  I was trying to just accept what he wanted...  But yeah.  There were times."

Clara took his hand and squeezed. "I'm not asking to put you on the spot or make you feel bad. But you gotta let that boy know these things. That's why he wants you to have that safeword. It's not a limited supply that you have to save up. You need to use it whenever you feel uncertain. That's how he will know when you are having troubles. He'll figure out the things that trigger your anxiety. He'll figure out what things are connected to your trauma and bit by bit he'll be able to shield you from them."

Caleb grimaced but nodded. "I know, mom. I can do better. I've gotten better, I promise. Better than I was a year ago." He let out a breath and leaned his head on her shoulder again. "I will do better. I just want to be good, and make him happy. I hate that he has to be so careful with me. I hate being so difficult. And he always says I'm not, that I'm not difficult and it isn't a sacrifice, but that's not true. He doesn't want me to think I'm difficult because then I won't ask for things, but I'm not an idiot. The times he stays up with me in the middle of the night because I had a panic attack, or he changes his plans because I reacted badly to something, all the times he sets aside what he wants because he's worried he'll make me uncomfortable.  I know you're right, and the right thing for me to do is just to communicate and be honest and use my safe word, and trust him to make space for himself too. But I just hate how difficult it is for him. It isn't fair to him. He doesn't deserve this."

"I know sweetheart. I know." She didn't want him to think she didn't know how hard he'd worked. "This is just a little speedbump on the path. You'll both be stronger once you get past it." She shook here head firmly. "You are not difficult. You have been through difficult things. Eric knows that and he loves you. He chose you. He cares about you. He wants you as his submissive. All of those things are part of being a Dominant. They are the the things we want to do for the people we care about. We want to stay up late to comfort them. We want to help them and guide them." She paused, using her finger under his chin to make sure he was looking in her eyes. "I happen to like Eric and I happen to think he deserves to have a wonderful, caring, intelligent, and sensitive submissive like you."

Caleb grimaced but didn't argue.  He'd learned by now that there was no point in arguing when someone who loved him tried to convince him he wasn't difficult.  He knew he was, but he also knew they would never admit to it.  Because they loved him, and they would do anything for him, and they didn't want him to think of his needs as an imposition.  But that didn't mean he wasn't difficult.  Love didn't make something easy, just doable.  He let out a breath and nodded, listening to his mother, and then looked up at her when she prompted him.  He wasn't expecting what she said, though, and it made him smile and look down shyly.  "Thanks, mom," he mumbled, feeling a bit awkward with such open praise.  He knew his mom loved him, but that was a long string of positive adjectives she'd just used.  "...Eric agrees with you, just so you know.  We'll be okay.  I'm okay.  I promise."

[takeiteasypeasybaby]

Save Me: Chapter 27 - War

~Hey guys! Chapter 27 is out! With Negan and Rick at war, will Molly be able to face Negan again? I hope everyone is having a good week :) Hope everyone is enjoying Save Me so far and make sure to dm me to let me know your thoughts <3 ~

Both sides were drained, both leaders had lost so much already. Rick was at the end of his tether, so was everyone, including Molly. She knew Negan's fate, everyone had told her many times. She had to do right by her family now, but would she just let the love of her life die?

Bombs and flares dropped all around us as we ran for cover.

Rick stayed behind as I helped Carl into the bunker.

I tried to lie to myself by pretending that Negan wasn't the one doing this, but he was.

He wanted us all dead and decided to burn Alexandria to the ground to achieve that, killing innocent families and children.

My love was gone.

He wasn't the man I recognised anymore.

I made sure all the children were safe in the bunker and climbed back out with Michonne to find Rick who was trying to fight back.

'Rick!' Michonne shouted as he turned to face her.

There we three stood amidst the burning church and houses.

Mine was still untouched.

'Carl needs you, Rick!' I yelled to him as the sounds of explosions deafened us and the smoke strangled around our throats.

Tears formed in my eyes as I struggled to breathe, if he wanted to kill me, he was gonna have to try harder than that.

Rick nodded in shock as Michonne and I grabbed him and made our way down the bunker.

It was dark and damp down there as all you could hear were droplets hitting against the rusted metal walls.

I squeezed past everyone and brought Rick and Michonne over to Carl who was being tended to by Siddiq.

His face was pale and beads of sweat formed on his brow as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

I had known him for five years, he had become such a man over the years.

'Dad...' he said wearily as he pulled up his shirt.

We all thought he was just sick but my heart stopped when I saw the bite mark which oozed blood.

Rick dropped to his knees and clambered to him, crying and screaming like I'd never heard him do before.

It was hard to watch. Tears rolled down my cheeks.

'I did what I had to do, what you guys taught me' he said looking at Rick and Michonne.

'I love you mom' Carl said holding Michonne's hand as she kissed it through her tears.

Aaron peeked outside and saw the burning subside slightly, this would be our only chance.

'Rick...we have to move. We can carry Carl' Aaron said quietly.

Rick just turned and looked at Michonne.

'How long do we have?' she asked pleadingly.

'Five minutes tops before the fire on us again. The smoke will cover us' he answered.

Rick just nodded as he was about to lift Carl when Carl said 'don't, you have to leave now. I have my gun'.

Rick just stared at him in confusion.

'Dad...please. Let me do this' he pleaded as his voice strained.

Michonne dragged Rick away as we all clambered up the stairs to the outside.

The smoke was bitter and dry in our lungs as we coughed and spluttered as we stumbled out of the back gates.

Michonne held Rick up as we hurried, but we were stopped dead by a gunshot which echoed amidst the explosions.

You could hear it anywhere.

Once we were out of the gates and away from the Saviours we ran for Hilltop.

I had never seen Rick like this, I couldn't imagine his pain.

Carl had been like a little brother to me and I had loved him like one.

I felt numb once again and even though it wasn't because of Negan this time, he still made our lives hell.

The sun was rising now but we barely noticed, keeping our eyes firmly on the gravel we treaded through.

I trailed slightly behind the group when I heard a group of guys talking about the Saviours.

'I think we all know what killed Carl. It was Negan and his group of pricks. I'd rather fucking kill myself than be 'saved' by them. I think we all would...well except for one' he said as his friends chuckled.

I lost it.

Maybe it was their mention of Carl or blaming of Negan but I marched up to them, grabbed the chatty one by his shoulder and spun him around as he collided with my fist.

He dropped to the gravel and clambered to get away from me.

His friends just stood there awkwardly in silence.

'If I hear another word about Carl or Negan come out of your mouth, I'll kill you myself. Well...I'll gut you and let the walkers finish you off' I whispered to him as I stood over him.

I scowled at the other guys as I kicked gravel up at him as I walked ahead.

Aaron looked at me, but didn't scowl, in fact he looked impressed.

Thank God Rick didn't see that.

We walked for a couple days, all of us dehydrated and drained of energy but we knew we had to make it to Hilltop.

In the distance, there stood hope as we saw Barrington House and the walls which enclosed it.

I sighed in relief as I knew this was what would keep Rick going at this time.

Once we reached the walls, Jesus opened the gates hastily.

He knew something was wrong.

Tara and Rosita rushed out to greet us, Tara hugged me tightly as I cried into her arms.

Enid fell to the floor as Michonne told them.

Carol, Ezekiel, Jerry and the other Kingdommers were now at Hilltop because the Saviours had burned down the Kingdom as well.

Only Hilltop stood now.

Carol and Daryl hugged each other for the first time since the wolves came to Alexandria.

Carol told us about Shiva, Ezekiel's tiger who died protecting them.

We were deflated, all of us having lost so much already and we hadn't even fought them yet.

Michonne had Carl's letters and gave them to everyone except Negan, she wanted to deliver that message differently.

Tara stroked my hair as she held me, pulling me away from her when Maggie walked over.

I turned to see Maggie and just broke.

'I'm so sorry Maggie' I said as she pulled me into a hug.

'I know' she said softly, we were family forever and that bond would never be broken.

That was what we needed to fight for and Rick just needed to be reminded of that.

Michonne handed Rick the letter which he put on their bedside table in the house.

He wouldn't open it, he couldn't.

Michonne gave him some space and left him to read it alone, he needed that.

He opened it and Carl told him that there had to be something after, that was the same message he wanted for Negan which Michonne relayed on the walkie talkie.

This gave Rick hope and the next day he was full of vengeance and energy to take them on, we all were.

This was the end of everything.

I might die, so might Tara but either way Negan's fate was already sealed.

I saw that in Rick's eyes.

We marched towards the Sanctuary for one last fight, we now had the numbers with all the communities united.

Tara had told us of a community she had found when she went on her run with Heath last year.

They called it Oceanside but they wouldn't join us.

Tara had already asked them and even when Rick radioed to them to ask, they still declined.

They had already lost so much because of the Saviours, they had killed all the men in their community.

When I heard this I felt sick, it was like all sound drained from my ears as I felt dizzy.

The room seemed to spin and I went to sit down on the grass and breathed deeply.

Tara knew exactly how I was feeling.

It was like every time he did something horrific, another bullet went straight through my heart.

Rick nodded, 'we can do this without them' he said confidently as he marched on ahead of us.

He took the walkie talkie from Michonne so we knew he was gonna talk to Negan.

How could I want a guy dead so badly and at the same time want to save him?

I was insane.

Tara and Aaron helped me up and I tried to drink some water and eat some fruit to keep my energy up.

Rick's POV//

I stood in an open field and paced as I connected to the Sanctuary line.

'Give me Negan' I said sternly.

'Who the hell is askin?' Negan responded.

'It's Rick Grimes' I replied.

He hesitated before saying 'Ricky, look at you callin me up. You wanna tell me where you are so we can do this face to face' he answered cockily.

'Carl's dead. He wrote letters, he wrote one to you. He asked you to stop, he asked me to stop. He asked us for peace. But it's too late for that, even if we wanted a deal now, it doesn't matter' I said with little emotion.

'I'm gonna kill you' I said sternly.

'How did it happen?' he asked weakly.

I was surprised by his concern.

'What?' I asked.

'How did he die? Was it us? Was it the grenades? The fire' he responded.

I shouted down the walkie talkie 'it wasn't you!'.

'Carl went out to help someone and he got bit' I said defeatedly.

'Goddamn it' Negan responded breathlessly, like he was genuinely affected by this news.

This only made me more angry.

'Shit...I-Um, I am sorry. You know I wanted him to be a part of things. I had plans, he...that kid was the future' he said quietly.

'The only future is one where you're dead' I said sternly as I paced around.

'The hell are you doing Rick? Why are you fighting? Why are you making this so hard? Carl is dead, because of you. Because you couldn't leave shit well enough alone. I mean hell maybe he would've died some other way, anyone of us can get our ticket punched at any second but in this case, in this case he is dead because of you. Because you weren't there to stop him from doing something stupid. You set this course Rick, who's next?' he said trying to provoke me.

I couldn't resist, 'you are!' I shouted shakily.

'No, but someone is. You see, I stop people from dying. I am the answer. Now it may have taken a hard lesson for you to hear it, but you should hear it now. Do not let anymore of your shit decisions cost you to lose anyone else you love. That garbage, it sticks with you forever just like Carl will. You could have just let me save all of you' he said cooly.

He wanted to hurt me, fine, two can play at that game.

I chuckled into the walkie talkie.

'You wanna talk shit decisions and losing people you love? Fine, then I guess our next topic is Molly' I said sternly.

He was silent for a minute on the other side, before I heard it click as he spoke.

'What about Molly?' he asked hesitantly.

I smirked at his interest, the bastard had a weakness.

'You killed her...' I growled as I disconnected the line.

Negan's POV//

My body froze as he spoke those words, 'you killed her' rung in my ears over and over again.

I scowled in confusion, 'what?' I shouted down the walkie talkie.

No response.

The fucker must have disconnected the line.

I squeezed it in my hands and pressed it to my lips before throwing down onto the concrete and stamping on it repeatedly.

I exhaled as I grabbed hold of the railings outside the Sanctuary and shut my eyes in frustration as hot tears rained from my eyes.

No, I thought.

I couldn't have killed her, maybe it was the bombs.

Dwight had said that she was safe at the Hilltop.

I could live knowing that she hated me, but if I had killed her...I didn't know what I would do.

I looked straight ahead in front of me to see Simon, chained to the fence, coated in molten metal to preserve the body.

That was Eugene's genius.

Seeing him as a walker reminded me of what he had done to Molly and how badly I needed to know whether the was alive.

I had to find out either way.

I readied up my guys and we set off to the Hilltop, I would have to kill them all except for Molly.

I had always thought that I was weaker with her around me, but being without her crippled me even more.

I just needed her safe and alive.

Eugene handed out the weapons, our bullets restocked plus more.

We were fucking ready for war.

[slvtbible]

I should’ve walked away | pt. 2

[In which he says everything he needs to say]

Warnings: mentions of terminal illness, tears, curse words

[If this sucks i’m sorry:/ i have never been good with part twos unlike some other talented writers out there, who are killing it lol]

[But anyways, i hope you guys like this. Sorry for taking this so long!]

**

You thought that heartbreak will only last for a couple weeks. But you were wrong about that.

The night after you left the party was also the night you went back home to your small apartment. You blocked his number right after you reached your home, have no absolutely intention on rekindling the relationship,

You called your mother and told her about everything whilst your cried. She tried to calm you down but it didn’t work. You weren’t crying over the fact that your relationship with Harry had ended, but you were crying over how completely different Harry was that night. And how his friends were no better than him. That broke your heart to pieces, because you had been together for three years and expected that Harry was the guy that everyone talked about on the media. Yet, they proved you wrong.

Sobs were uncontrolled as you cried to your mom, cursing him over and over but surprisingly, although you told your mom how disrespectful Harry and his friends had been to both of you, she only sighed to herself and smiled softly. Knowing that this would happen either way, because your family were never been blessed with good wealth and people will always look down on you no matter what. She knew that already so she wasn’t disappointed nor hurt.

But she also knew Harry is a good person. Though only had a chance of meeting him once, he was the most polite and kindest man you have ever dated. She told you herself and she remembered how pink your cheeks were when you blushed, it was truly the most heartwarming and cutest thing your mother ever had to witness.

Now, those days were over. To you. You swore to yourself to never ever fall back to the arms of a man who is disrespectful towards your mother.

It is four months later after your break up with Harry and you’d be lying if you say you didn’t miss him. During work or during your sleepless nights, he would always manage to find his way to sneak in to your mind and it’s hard for you to get rid of those thoughts.

Harry is suffering just the same as you. Perhaps even worse.

He is not himself anymore. After he spat those terrible things towards the only woman he’s ever loved and he’s ever going to marry, he could never forgive himself. He blames himself for your departure, he curses himself for using your insecurities against you and that was not fair.

He’s very much aware of how privileged he is and so are the people around him, yet he decided to go and rub it on your face. Even made fun of your mother’s income. His mother would be livid if she finds out how terrible he treated you. Anne favours you very much, she always have.

**

This year, turns out to be a not pretty good year for you. Your mother had informed you four months ago that your sister, have been adapted with cancer. Both treatments and surgery costs $30,000 combined and you have no idea how to earn that much money in less than three months to pay for them all. Especially when you only have one job while you have classes to attend to. 

But you made up your mind. You decided to drop out of college and started to take three jobs—which are not really helping at all, the money aren’t enough just yet— to pay for the surgery. The university offers you to pay for all of your tuition including the living costs, in order for you to stay because you’re one of the best students and they don’t want to let you go.

However, you declined. It’s not fair and you have always been taught by your parents to work hard on your own. Earn your money and one day all of your blood, sweat and tears will pay off. Someday.

“Want me to close this one up, darling?”

Your lovely co-worker, Maria asks. She’s a couple years older than your mom and have been nothing but nice to you ever since you applied for this job. She knows all about your problem as well. Harry, his friends, the money, everything and she doesn’t judge you. You’re grateful for that,

With a smile, you nod your head softly at her as your eyes starting to get heavier. “Are you fine with that? Don’t wanna be a bother”

Maria scoffs, waving you off as she locks the cabinet. “You were never a bother, Y/N. Go get some rest, you do have another job to work at tomorrow don’t you?”

Again, you nod. Untying your white apron and fold it neatly, putting it inside your tote bag. You hug Maria as you thank her and kisses her cheek before walking out of the shop to walk home,

You see, for the past four months you work as a bartender on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, from 11 am - 3 am. A waitress at a diner on Wednesday and Friday, from 6.30 am - 12 pm and babysitting on Saturday. So the only day you don’t have work is Sunday, where you spend it almost everyday just sleeping. Wether in your bed or the couch.

Tired is the perfect description about your daily life. Though your friends are all dying to meet up with you, you know you can’t. You have absolutely no social life and you’re just waiting for all of this to end. But you’re not sure when.

As soon as you step inside your small apartment, you lock the door and throw your keys on the counter before walking upstairs and run yourself a bath. You decide to spoil yourself for a few moments then go to bed,

**

Harry is suffering.

His days are supposed to be the days where he should write new songs for his next album. But the papers are only filled with dozens of messages he wanted to say to you. Crumpled and ruined. In which he have no slight intention on throwing them away because the paper is the only source he gets to say what he wants to say. And he can’t no longer say them to you,

He knows you’ve blocked his number, he’s hurt to say at least. Numerous voicemails and messages he sent were left unopened. The thing that drives him even crazier is that he doesn’t even know where you live! He needs to know wether you’re okay or not, are you eating well enough, drink enough water or not. Or have you found someone else that can love and care for you the way he does?

The thought of you finding someone else hurt his heart but he understands why. He has to. You’ve put up with his shit—his friends included— longer than anyone else does. That’s why he loves you.

His tears hasn’t stopped either. Everyday he wakes up, and finds himself crying over you, wanting you back in his arms. Every night he falls asleep with the thought of you on his mind makes him cry while he hugs your perfume scented pillow tightly against his chest. If he can’t hold you close to his heart then maybe your pillow will do.

“You want anything, mate?” Jeff swings the door open, voice fills with concern and fear. Ever since that night happened, Harry has done nothing but cold to his friends. Except for his band.

He shakes his head, rubbing his slightly red nose with his eyes glued on the journal. “No.”

With his one simple worded answer only leaves Jeff to nod his head, grabbing his black coat from the sofa and walk out of the studio.

Mitch looks over at Sarah for a split second before settling his eyes back on the piece of white paper,

“Have you... tried to talk to her? Perhaps, reach out to her again.” Mitch asks, carefully looking up.

Mitch learns that whenever he or anyone for that matter mentions your name, he gets aggressive then cries. So he reminds himself everyday and to everyone to be careful everytime they want to speak with Harry. He’s a fragile human being right now,

Harry lets out a small sarcastic laugh, closing his journal and lean his back against the couch. “Of course i did. Many times. But she never even answered my call or text. Her friend Jenna left me on read when i asked her to tell me about how Y/N is doing. It’s hopeless, besides it’s months ago. I bet Y/N has already forgotten about me.”

His voice cracks as the last sentence comes falls from his lips. Grabbing a water bottle from the table, he takes a slow sip as his eyes begins to water and he has to inhale deeply to keep them from falling,

Sarah looks down, sighing to herself. “You’re saying that as if it’s her fault for forgetting about you that fast.”

“I wasn’t-“

“Need i to remind you that you were the one who compared her to Kendall. From her appearance to her income. Her job wasn’t fancy or popular, yeah i get that but she was struggling, Harry. Did you ever learn that your girlfriend was an immigrant when she came here? Finding a job with such a reputation was hard for people like her! They don’t immediately give you the chance to work as models, fashion stylists or musical producers like us! Think about that Harry. Or were you too wrapped up around Kendall’s or any Victoria’s Secret models fingers that you had the audacity to bring your ex girlfriend down like that!”

“Sarah” Mitch tries, trying to keep her calm,

But she isn’t having any of it. “No, Mitch he needs to hear this!” She protests as she looks over at Mitch then back again at Harry. “You out of all people should know that! You were her boyfriend for fuck sake! And she didn’t need any of you snobby asses to remind her where her insecurities lay! She already knows she don’t fit in! She knows her place Harry, and she knows she’s not as pretty as Kendall Jenner, Camille, or Georgia or Nadine. Stop moping around and hope that people will have sympathy for you because you don’t deserve mine!” She snaps, breathing in heavily and stands up to walk away, trying to calm her down,

Harry is struck. Sarah is known to be one of those people who rarely gets angry because she seems to be walking in a ray of sunshine everyday, a sweet smile never leaves her face. As if there’s nothing can bring her down.

But today is completely different, Harry watched Sarah as she outed everything she had deep down in her heart. You and Sarah have always been so close, you two are like one of those two best friends in high school. The Betty to her Veronica. And to see Harry broke your heart, played a insecurity against you made her cry too. She was disappointed in Harry.

Still, Harry can’t accept the fact that Sarah put all the blame on him when you were the one who chose to walk away.

“I love her, Sarah. What makes you think that i would intentionally hurt her like that? That night, she was the one who walked out on me. I told her that i would help her, support her, financially and emotionally. She was my girlfriend but she left!” He bursts, looking up at his bandmate with his nose flaring in anger,

Sarah looks at him in disbelief and lets out a sarcastic laugh. “And have you, really?” She questions, crossing her arms over her chest. “You know, she thought about leaving you for a long time Harry. Way before we celebrated your victory win at that club. But she stayed. Did you know? She fucking stayed. Because to her it didn’t matter if the world was against her, if the fans hated the two of you together, or even if your exes stared her down like she was a peasant. All she ever needed was you. You and Y/N against the fucking world.”

Sarah leaves it at that, before walking away from the two of them. She needs to cool down before she completely loses it,

Harry looks down on his lap, taking each and every word of hers and input them in his brain. He bites down his lip trying to contain the tears that are threatening to spill from his eyes. He presses the home button of his phone and see a picture of you laying on the bed, wearing nothing but a white duvet to cover your naked body. A toothy grin stretches over your pretty face with your eyes closes a bit,

He smiles sadly at the memory. He remembers taking the picture on the next morning after making love to you all night. It was the best night of his life, he got to hold the woman of his dreams and the dimpled smile never leave his face. He wishes he never let you walk away. He should’ve beg you to stay that night. He swears that the day after he met you, he would leave his career and dreams behind if it means being with you forever. Yes. He thought of forever and it doesn’t scared him. But it’s all too late is it?

“I miss you” he whispers, tracing a finger over your picture on his wallpaper. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m really sorry.” He gives a small peck on his phone where your lips are, imagining that you were also there with him.

It doesn’t matter if it hurts him. Because nothing compares to what he has done to you few months ago

**

“Here are your hot cakes and coffee?” You smile sweetly at the customer, placing her orders on the table,

“Thank you, can i have a napkin please?” The customer smiles back, reaching over for the coffee and take a sip,

You nod your head, telling her that you’ll be right back before going over behind the counter and grabs a pink napkin, handing it to her.

“Is lover boy coming today?” Maria asks, as she places the order on the tray and giving it to you,

Rolling your eyes, you tell her to knock it off. Earning a loud giggle falls from her lips,

“What? That man has done nothing but come here to see you. And he only comes to your shifts! Don’t tell me that he’s not in love with you”

“Maria, no!” You laugh, picking up the tray full of food and handing it to the other waitress, “he’s just been so... supportive of me. I mean-he’s been helping me taking care of my mom and sister. Did you know that he offers to pay Beatrice’s surgery?”

Maria gapes, halting her moves as she stares at you. “That’s amazing!”

However you give her a look and a slight chuckle. “Don’t get too excited, i turned that offer down.”

The answer you give, wipes the bright smile off Maria’s face. “What? Why? Y/N! A kind and handsome man who’s been there for you through these past difficult months offers you to pay your sister’s surgery and you said no? Are you kidding me, honey?”

Nope. You aren’t. Sure it sounds good to have someone pay for something so important and urgent but you can’t let him do it. Not when this man is associated with your one and only former boyfriend who has the same circle of friends that will tear you apart all over again. You can’t go through the same thing twice.

Yes. Former boyfriend as in Harry Edward Styles. Dean is his right hand when it comes to writing the lyrics. He participates 80% on his first solo album, meaning that he plays a big role on his music and that’s very important to him. Dean is one of Harry’s good friends as well, though you had never seen them hang out that much.

The two of you have become close after your messy break up with Harry. Dean reached out to you and sent his love, and truly you didn’t expect that. You’ve never interacted with Dean before then to found out that he called you by his number, left you surprised. In a good way.

Ever since, Dean has been very kind and supportive towards you. He takes you home sometimes, whenever he gets the chance. He brings you food at late night though you tell him numerous times that you weren’t hungry, he knows you’re lying so he did it anyway. He knows that you don’t have the best place to lay your head since months ago. The small and crappy apartment that you only managed to afford for now, isn’t exactly the best one yet. People are selling weed and hardcore drugs in the building, you’ve gotten sick of it but you have to hold on.

And again, he offered you to stay at his place because he can’t stand to see you at that state. But you were so head strong that it makes him upset and admired you than he ever did before, you truly are a gift.

You’ve come into a conclusion where Harry prefers to keep his toxic friends closer to him than the ones who actually brings positivity. Dean is obviously the most positive out of them all, well apart from Sarah, Mitch, Adam and you haven’t seen Clare that much.

Dean decides to keep this friendship of yours a secret between the two of you. He can’t risk of getting caught by Harry and neither can you, Harry will tear him to limbs if he finds out that his best friend is talking with his ex who he still loves dearly.

Harry does talk about you to him all the time. How he cries at night for hours and how stupid he was to let go the only good thing in his life. Sure, Dean feels guilty about it but Harry should’ve known better than playing the victim in front of him. You were the one who got walked over by Harry and his friends, the one who puts up with his shit despite the hate and the judgemental looks, you’re working your ass off to earn money though it’s not one of those jobs that you can be proudly show them off.

Dean maybe his best friend but he disagrees with everything that Harry had done. And he just felt so bad that he wasn’t there that night to stopped them.

Rolling your eyes again, you give her a lopsided smile. “I’m not kidding, Maria. I’m gonna work to get that money, by myself. I admit, i would be glad to take the money from Dean but it’s not fair. So I won’t do that.”

Maria sighs, but a smile is playing on her lips. She completely adores you, the hard work you have given throughout these past few months she has seen you, never fails to make her heart melts. The love you have for your family is completely indescribable. And she prays that you’ll hold on to that,

“Okay, then suit yourself. Now, go ahead and brings this order to the coupl right over there.” Maria points with her thumb, sliding the tray to you. “I think there’s someone outside would love to meet you”,

In confusion, you turn your head around and spot a familiar young man with brown hair smiling softly at you. He gives you a gentle wave as soon as you turn around, mirroring his smile.

You hold your finger up, telling him to wait for a minute before taking the tray off the counter and place it on the couple’s table next to the window. Maria glances at you and gives a playful smile which you silently tell her to knock it off,

Dean is leaning against his car with hands in his pockets when you walk out, smiling over at you before regaining his posture to stand straight. A shy smile casts over your lips when the two of you greet with a friendly hug,

“Hey. What are you doing here?” You ask soon as the both of you pull away from each other’s embrace. “My shift is almost over.”

He nods, shrugging. “I know, that’s why i’m here.”

You stare at him with a sketchy look on his face, baby blue eyes staring at your brown ones and you can’t read what is going on his mind. “Okay...? what is it?”

“Was just thinking that maybe... you can swing by at the studio today.”

After he mentions the word studio, your face fall. Does he really thinks by bringing you over to the studio where your ex-boyfriend works at is a really good idea? You are not ready to face him nor will you ever be.

You let out a small laugh, “you’re crazy Dean. The answer is no. I don’t want to see Harry”

The way his name rolls out of your tongue feel so strange, considering you haven’t spoken his name for months. And honestly, that name used to give you goosebumps and the cause of your blushing cheeks. But now it doesn’t anymore.

“You don’t have to interact with him! Just stay with me. Besides, it’s not like you will be all alone. Sarah is there, Adam and Mitch are too.”

“They’re Harry’s friends” you state with an obvious tone,

“at the moment, not really. They’re giving him cold looks lately. Won’t speak to him unless for rehearsals and songs writing. Apart from Jeff, Lucy, Don, Annie, Jordan, Kel-”

“Why am i not surprised? Those people are the ones who trash talked about me. Wether it’s in front of Harry or not, and he had no interest on defending me whatsoever.” You cut him off before he can finish, breathing in deep as you recall the last moments you had together with him. “i just-- don’t want to get hurt anymore Dean. And they are not even his friends! They’re using him. They use his name to get into clubs, restaurants, after parties, you name it. As much as he had hurt me, i don’t want him to get hurt. He’s sensitive, you know that.”

Dean only nods, he knows that his friends are nothing but utter scums. He has been observing them for months and he cannot believe that Harry is gullible enough to think that they actually cared for him. They don’t and they never did. It was always him or Mitch who looks out for their green eyed friend, but he shoves him off and tells him to mind his own business. So he left it at that.

Then to see how frustrated you are at this time, he can feel a tug at his heart. You have condoned so many things lately, seeing you’re drowning yourself in bills, taxes, jobs, sweats, tears, makes him want to take your pain away but he doesn’t even know how. 

Harry has hurt you deeply, yet he can’t understand why you still care about him. 

“You don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable.” he says after five minutes of silence. “If i had an ex who treated me like dirt, i wouldn’t want to see her ever again. Probably would run for my life if we were in a room together.”

You let out a small laugh, it’s not really funny but you think that he’s doing that to only lighten up the mood. You gotta give him credit for that.

“I’m sorry Dean, maybe next time yeah?”

**

Harry is now sitting on his car, parked in front of your mother’s house as he thinks about what to say as soon as he walks towards the small house.

He tries so hard to get rid of the redness that is clearly visible on his green irises, but it’s no use. The tears are still falling from his eyes, no matter how many time he tries to get rid of the thoughts when he had hurt you. Seeing you cry was the most heartbreaking sight he could have ever seen, and to know that he was the cause of your tears few months ago he could never ever forgive himself.

Before stepping out of his Range Rover, he takes a deep breath and looks over at the mirror to make himself look presentable. He doesn’t want to look gross or disgusting when meeting your mom. And he definitely doesn’t want her to think that he’s looking like this because of you, he doesn’t want to play the victim. He’s the one in the wrong,

Harry takes long steps towards the house, his body is clad with sapphire blue sweater and a beanie thrown over his head, so that the fans won’t notice that Harry Styles is around.

He doesn’t want to be that guy at the moment. He wants to be just Harry this time. The Harry that is about to ask your mother’s forgiveness in less than few minutes.

His heart beats louder as soon as he hears your mother calls after he knocks on the door. Leg is bouncing rapidly as he waits.

“Just a second!” She calls out, shuffling inside

He can hear her steps getting closer and he feels his palms are sweating. Bottom lip is taken between his teeth, waiting for her to open up the door.

The door swings open suddenly, and your mother’s exhausted face comes into view. Messy dark brown hair is pulled into a bandana, he can tell that she’s about to leave judging from her choice of clothing.

As soon as she looks up, her eyes are widen and her body freezes as she stands in the doorway. Taking in Harry’s appearance, glancing him up and down before letting out a shaky breath.

“Harry... what are you doing here, my love?”

His heart wrenches. After all this time. The talks, the looks, the whispers that had been thrown at both you and her, she still calls him an endearing nickname and nothing breaks him even more than that. He doesn’t deserve that, at all and he should be ashamed of himself

With a soft smile, he nods at her. Pulling his beanie off slowly. “Hi, Mrs. Y/L/N. Can i come in?”

Your mother is struggling what to say, and wether it’s a good idea for her to invite him in. But she knows that what happened in the past, stays in the past and she can never hold a grudge against him. 

Harry is a good man, is what she always says to you. Despite everything, she knows damn well that he is not a bad guy. And she believes that he has a good intention on coming here, she can’t reject that.

She softly nods, a smile pulling into her lips as she opens the door wider to let him in. “Of course, make yourself comfortable.”

He thanks her before stepping inside carefully, his eyes are observing the small place she called home. To say that he’s hurt is an understatement, he pays attention to every small details in the house and noticing that they aren’t in a very good condition. The ceiling has a hole on it and there’s a leak in it too, a big pink bucket sitting on the corner to capture the drops.

The kitchen is a mess. Vegetables are sprawl all over the counter, cups are messily falling over the place as well. He sees there’s a few papers laying on the coffee table, and his heart almost drops when it says ‘Eviction Letter’. There are five of them, and he doesn’t know where your mother will go from there.

He wishes he could help you and your family, but he knows that you won’t approve of him doing so. This hurts his heart more than it should be, he imagined it if it was his mom in this state. He knows damn sure that he will fills her bills with his money,

Your mother motions him to the small dining table, gesturing him to take a seat. “Here you go, mijo. Sit down” She smiles as she takes a seat as well. “Sorry if it’s a mess. Have no time to clean it today.”

Harry waves his hand off, telling her it’s completely fine before taking a seat beside her. Setting down his beanie, he clears his throat before opening his mouth to say something. But nothing comes out.

“What is it Harry? Are you okay, my dear?”

He flinches when her knuckle makes a contact with his cheek, seemingly concerned as she stares at the bags under his eyes and puffy nose which she can only assume that he had been crying for days.

Now, she knows why he’s here,

Looking up to meet your mother’s eyes, he takes a deep breath in as he reminiscing the words in his brain before pulling himself together to speak to her. He doesn’t understand how you mother treats him like her own child this moment, yet he let his friends talked shit about her and you. The love of his life.

“I’m sorry” he croaks out, sniffling as he feels his nose starting to get runny. “i shouldn’t have done it. I love your daughter more than anything in the world and i’m sorry for treating her like shit while we were together. I couldn’t find a reason on why i said all the things to her because i wasn’t thinking. Then i let my friends talked bad about you and that was completely unacceptable.”

Your mother closes her eyes for a while, sighing as she nods. She listens to every word he says to her. Her hand coming down to rub his arm slowly as he cries, fresh tears are running down his soft stubbled cheeks and he cannot stop them. No matter how many times he tries to wipe them off,

“She’s an amazing woman. And you are too, Mrs. Y/L/N. I’m sorry for being such a coward. I’m sorry for not defending you and Y/N. I’m sorry that i had the nerves to let my friends got away with the words they had thrown about you. Words cannot express how sorry i am because my mother would be livid if i treated the both of you this way.” He chuckles sadly, remembering the times where Anne would just love to give him lectures and scolds about how to treat a woman right,

‘You’re a handsome boy. Don’t go around breaking girls’s hearts, yeah? Because that will break mine too.’

“But, i hope you can forgive me Mrs. Y/L/N. I know i have no rights to say it but i hope you can.” He whispers the last sentence and lean his back against the chair, fiddling with his thumbs with his eyes looking down on his lap,

It takes a while for your mother to process all of this, and it’s not easy. She appreciates every word he had just said and she knows that Harry meant every word of it. She believes him. He’s a very good and well-mannered young man and sometimes she feels sorry of how his friends treat him like he doesn’t matter, how they can just use him for their own pleasure then discard him like a piece of garbage.

She can’t lie to him if you don’t love him anymore. You still do, but you just don’t want to admit it. Every day your heart breaks a little when the thought of not having him by your side anymore.

“I believe you, Harry. I do.” She speak with a soft smile. He looks up to her with eyes brimming red, face looking skeptical because he can’t believe the words just comes out of your mother’s mouth. “And... Y/N, she still loves you too.”

For the first time in months, his lips pulls into a genuine smile as he no longer bother to cry again. He sits up straight, leaning forward to place his arms on the table. “She does, huh?”

Your mother gives him a wide smile as she nods. “She’s just a little stubborn to admit that. You know how Y/N is, right?”

Harry lets out a small laugh, nodding his head eagerly as he remembers how hard-headed you were while the two of you were together,

“Classic Y/N” He shakes his head, suddenly missing you more than ever. “Are you going out, Mrs. Y/L/N?” He asks, changing the subject,

Your mother checks her watch and curses before standing. “I am, thanks for reminding me Harry. I appreciate you coming in here, Harry thank you.”

He hugs your mother and kisses her cheeks before pulling away from the embrace. “Where are you going? I can drop you off.” He offers, grabbing the keys from the table,

Your mother is quick to shake her head, grabbing her brown coat from the rack as she slips in on her body. “No need my love, i’ll walk.”

And in that time, she also panics. Panic because she can’t just say that she’s going to the hospital to see your sister. He’ll freak out and ended up insisting to drive her there,

“Nonsense, I’ll take you it’s fine. Just tell me where to go.”

She learns that Harry is stubborn as well. He looks at her pleadingly, and she thinks that it doesn’t matter how many times she’ll turn him down because it won’t work. He just keeps on asking and asking until she says yes. 

“To the hospital, my love.” She whispers, opening the door so the two of them can walk out,

But before Harry can take a step, the colour drains from his face and his rosy lips tremble soon as the word hospital fall from your mother’s lips. Thoughts are running on his mind as he thinks the worst possible reason on why your mother is going to the hospital with a sad look on her face.

Is your mother okay? Are you hurt? Were you in an accident or sick? Why didn’t you just tell him? Why did your mother invited him in when she was going to the hospital?

Smiling sadly, she extends her hand for him to take.

“I’ll explain in car, okay?”

**

“Maria! Can i take a rain check?” You call her out from the kitchen, busy dropping the dirty plates on the sink as you hurriedly pull the strings of your apron,

Maria barges in minutes later, her nose puffing as heavy breathe emerges from her mouth. She grabs her small towel and wipe the sweat that is forming on the crease of her forehead and down to her neck,

“Why? What happened?” She asks, eyes looking at you concerned with her hands settle on her hips. “Was it the landlord again? What was he saying?”

You shake your head, pulling your hair into a messy bun fast before checking your phone again to see if there is anymore messages from your mom,

“No. My mom told me to come to the hospital quickly. I don’t know why but it could have something to do with Beatrice. I have to get there quick.” You stumble with your words, thoughts are running through your head as you panic. Small tears starting to prickle from your brown eyes, you have no idea what to do if your mother is about to hit you with bad news. You can’t cope with that,

Maria rushes over to you and places her palms on your cheeks, trying to get you to look at her as she sees how much of a mess you are right now. “hey, hey. Stop it. Don’t over think something, Y/N. Everything is going to be okay, alright? Don’t stress this much. Your sister is fine, your mom is fine. She’s probably asking you to come over because Beatrice asked her to. You haven’t seen her in a while, right?”

You sigh, nodding your head slowly as she wipes off your tears. “yeah. Been so occupied with work i never got to see her in a month, i’m such a terrible sister.”

“You are everything but terrible! I have never seen a woman worked so hard in her life to help her family. I have never seen a woman sacrificed her school just so she can work to pay her family’s bills and sister’s surgery. I have never seen a woman so independent that she does not need a man to take care of her because she knows, she can handle herself well!” Maria snaps, eyebrows furrowing as her eyes stare at yours.

“Now, you’re going to take back everything you just said to me and get your ass to the hospital, sweetheart. Your family needs you more than this diner does. i’ll cover for you, don’t worry” She says, kicking her chin up to get you moving so you don’t have to take long.

She grabs your purse and jacket, shoving them to your hands then scrambles around the kitchen to find your house keys because she knows how clumsy you are with them. Good thing you don’t have a car, or else you would lose both of them.

“Here. Don’t rush okay? Take your time and let me know.” She softly says, kissing your forehead,

The love you have for her is indescribable. You look up to her after your dear mother, you rarely gets to see her these past few months and the only person that has the personality and mind as close as hers is Maria. 

With a nod, you hug her tight closely to your body. “Thank you so much Maria. I’ll pay you back, i promise.”

Maria rolls her eyes playfully and shushes you, “aish! No need to dear. Go on now. Don’t forget to text me!” She reminds you again, pointing her red manicured nail finger at you,

Without doing anything else, you swiftly turn around and head towards the exit to haul a cab. You usually prefer to take the bus than a cab or uber, but the station is 20 minutes away from the diner you work at and you have no time to reach there. 

Your mother has been blowing up your phone with dozens of texts, adding exclamation marks at the end of every sentences and nothing worries you more than that. Well not really. You’re scared that something already happened with Beatrice and then it would already be way too late to save her. Maybe that’s why your mom is sending you texts every minute...

To be honest, you have no idea why out of positive things that you can think of, the horrible thoughts manage to make their way to your brain and causes you much of a distress and nerves. You can’t contain them.

You’re pulling and tugging the strings of your jacket then switches to play with the hem of your diner uniform because of how nervous you get. Haven’t even realised that you’re biting down your soft lip too hard until your tongue manage to swipe your lower lip and taste a familiar metallic liquid, making you stop.

The driver parks the vehicle in front of the hospital lobby, and you’re way too deep in your thoughts that you really have no idea, you have arrived at the building. Pulling out a ten dollar cash, you shove the crumpled money towards the driver before stepping out of the car and rushes over to the receptionist and asks where your sister’s room is. 

And for Heaven’s sake! Can they go any slower?

“Room 187. Just straight towards the hall and the room is on your left” The middles age woman gives you a tight smile before resuming to type obnoxiously on her keyboard,

Muttering out a faint ‘thanks’, you fasten your pace quickly towards her room as you feel your heart beats louder and a small sweat forming on your neck as well on your forehead. You pray to God that nothing will happen to your sister.

She’s just a baby,

You waste no time to swing the door open when you spot the room already and soon your mother figure and your paled sister comes in view, they shifts their eyes to you and breathes out a sigh of relief. Your mother smiles at you and gives you a hug, letting it lingers for a while before pulling away.

“Thank God, you’re here.” She sighs, looking at you in the eyes. “What took you so long?”

Pulling your jacket off, not once your eyes leaves your mother’s neither on your sister’s. “What happened? Is she okay?”

Beatrice looks over at you and smile weakly before coughing furiously, lifting her arms slowly at you. “Y/N” She croaks, holding another cough in her throat. “I’m so glad you’re here”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you smile back, taking slow steps closer to the bed and gently wrap your arms around your baby sister’s fragile body. Sobs breaks out of you when you pull away from the embrace, but your hands still tightly wrap around hers, not wanting to let go.

“I’m sorry for not being around much. How are you feeling?” You softly ask her, moving your arm a little to not nudge her injected dorsal palm. 

She nods, eyes turning into slit and you can only assume that she’s pretty much exhausted. Perhaps from waiting for you and the dozens of medications they keep giving her. “I’m okay. Was just... waiting for you.”

You reply with a smile, gazing at her with much love and admirable in your eyes. The moment soon cuts off when your mother brings up a topic that had your eyes nearly pops out of their sockets.

“Pay her surgery? What? Who” You demand an answer from your mother, though you can see how she struggles not to say any word. But it’s too late to back out, your mother chooses to say it. “Tell me, who mama. Was it--was it, Dean?”

She’s quick to shake her head, moving her seat closer to sit by the bed so she can talk better with you. You watch as few strands of her dark brown hair falls to cover her eyes, causing her to push the hair back behind her ear.

“No, chica. it’s not... him. It was someone else” She speaks, hands intertwining as her voice gets lower, as if she’s afraid that you will break into a rage once you finds out who it is.

Feeling frustrated and annoyed, you give her a cold laugh. Eyes moving back and forth to look at her then back to your sister, who’s breathing is heavy and slow. You wish you can take the pain away from her.

“Are you just going to keep me waiting or what?” You ask with a rough tone in your voice. You don’t want to be mad or pissed, but you have sworn to yourself and to your family that you will pay your sister’s surgery with your own money. it’s a risk but she finds it better than to have herself rely on someone else’s cash.

The silence is driving you crazy. Because you try to get her to say what she wanted to say yet she can’t seem to find the courage in her to say it. Your mother looks down on her lap, debating on wether she should say it but mostly, she’s mentally beating herself up for speaking out too fast.

“It’s Harry.” You mother says at least, eyes looking up as she waits for you to burst out any second.

Then your face paled, brows furrowing as you retreat your hands from your sister’s causing her to whimper at the sudden contact. You cannot believe your ears! Is your mother insane or hallucinating?

“Harry? What the hell are you on about, Mom! This is not funny.” You snap, eyes burning in anger as you think to yourself how stupid and inconsiderate her mother is that she can pull out a joke at the time like this. “Come off with it, mama! Don’t fuck around!”

Suddenly your mother’s fear and concern turns into an anger soon as she hears you spoke the word. She sits up straight and lean forward. “Listen here Y/N. You will not talk to your mother with that kind of tone and words. You’re still my daughter and i’m still your mother. Respect me as your own or so help me God, i will kick you out of our lives!”

She finishes with a heavy breathing, glancing at Beatrice for a moment as she pleads to her to not start any fight. Your mother feels guilty afterwards, she shouldn’t have done it at the hospital. That’s just going to hurt your sister alot more.

You take a deep breath, nodding at your mother but still you’re upset and confuse of how your mother could bring up Harry this moment. You want to know why.

“I’m sorry. But please, explain to me what’s going on. What are you talking about? He didn’t even know you exist mom!” you jokingly add the last one but still manage to keep your tone firm. “Just tell me the truth. I won’t get mad.”

“He came to my house earlier. We... talked about something. Then he offered to drive me here and i told him why i had to go to the hospital. He broke down as soon as i told him what happened to Beatrice, my love. He cried... extremely hard and asked me how i was going to pay for all of this.” She explains, voice gentle as she traces her thumb over Sofia’s palm. “I told him that you’re paying. And that you had to quit school just so you can have three jobs to pay her surgery. He didn’t like the sound of that, chica. He knows how much you love your studies, so he can’t bare it. He wanted to pay for it all.”

“He’s a good man, Y/N. Please, you need to give him a chance.” Beatrice pleads, voice breaking as she speaks but you ignore her.

You sit there speechless. How dare for him to came to your mother’s house, asking for forgiveness and pay for all your sister’s medical surgery then hoped everything will turn out fine! That is not how it should goes and you can’t believe your mother would believed that man after he lets his friends said about your family. Your mother forgives way too easy and it has always been a trait of hers you particularly dislike.

“What the-” You stand up quickly, going to the other side of the room, pacing back and forth because you have no idea how to fucking deal with this. “How did he even find you? Mom, we can’t trust him okay? This has nothing to do with my break-up with him but who knows what he will about to say next! He would probably rant this shit out to his friends and i will no-”

“Carmen, i got you the caramel macchiato hope you like it. The espresso ran out. The line was super long.” A familiar voice cuts you off with a small chuckle follows after. 

It’s Harry.

His eyes moves from your mother’s figure to your eyes and shock is evident on his beautiful face. Breathing stops and mouth parts open as he struggles what to say next. He can sense that he’s about to loose his grip around the coffees.

You’re here. You’re really here.

“Y/N, y-you’re-” He says, still looking at you,

You scoff, not in the mood for any of this. “Save it. I’m gonna get some fresh air.” After that, you quickly move towards the door and shoves him with your shoulder, walking out of the room as you runs to exit the building.

Tears starts to stream down your face. After not seeing him for months, he’s finally there standing in your sister’s room. Thoughts are running on your head, not knowing how to face him nor your mother at this point. You should feel happy and grateful that Harry offered to pay but you don’t want to be someone else’s gossip anymore. This is completely bullshit and you refuse to even stand near him after your break-up.

“Y/N! Wait!” He calls out, you crane your neck briefly to see him running to you, nearly knocking a few people. “Slow down, please! I want to talk to you”

You don’t listen, you keep walking and walking as you finally walk out of the building. Breathing out a shaky breath, you pull out a pack of cigarette from your purse as you struggle to take one stick out.

You heart someone’s panting from behind and you don’t doubt for one bit that it’s not Harry. Hand running over his brown hair as he tries to get closer to you, a frown on his face after he sees you holding something that he hates.

“Y/N, love. Please listen to me.”

Shaking your head, you turn your head about to leave. “No. Leave me alone.”

You haven’t even take a step because Harry has already marches his way towards you and grabs your fore arms, turning you to look at him as you squeal and struggle to let go from his grip.

“Let me go! You don’t deserve to be here. Just go, Harry!” You shakily says, sniffling as your eyes meets his green ones. The eyes that you adore throughout your relationship.

“Not until you listen to me.” He states again, and he hasn’t notice that he’s crying until he sees you. Here, standing close to him with his hands wraps around your delicate ones. “I’m sorry.”

Closing your eyes you look down, shaking your head as you continue to struggle so he can let go of his grip. You don’t want to heart this. You had enough. He hurt you badly that the thought of you talking with him again had not once crossed your mind. 

You miss him but you don’t want to talk to him ever again.

“I was a fucking asshole to you. I was a terrible boyfriend and i let those people got into my head. You were so perfect for me that you’re willing to give up everything including your classes. But i was so blind to see that.” He whispers, sobbing but he keeps maintaining his posture and say what he needs to say because he does not want to lose you again.

“You have done everything for me. Sacrificed nearly everything as well and i didn’t give a single damn about it. They--they were wrong about you. They were wrong about your family, they were wrong about your mother, they were wrong about your background and it pisses me off that it’s all they care about.” He continues, hands slowly falling to rest on your hips and his heart moves a little to see you’re not pushing them away.

“It doesn’t matter, Harry. It doesn’t matter now, you’re too late. I-- i refuse to let you or any of your friends talk like that about me. You have no idea what it’s like okay?!” You yell at his face, hands on his chest to keep him from coming closer. “You have no idea what it’s like to have a mother who doesn’t have a decent job, a father who went to jail for something he didn’t do, a sister who’s life is on a line because i have no fucking idea if she will survives or not!”

You break out into sobs, pouring everything you haven’t got the chance to say to him. He looks hurt. Hurt because he had no idea about everything that has been going on in your family and he’s a fucking dumbass. Why? Why would he hurt you like that?

“People look down on me many times. Including your friends. But i stayed because i loved you, Harry. I loved you fucking much and you didn’t care.” Tears are blurring your vision and it’s pointless to wipe them away, knowing they just keep on coming. “We won’t work. We won’t ever work.” 

He shakes his head, hands grabbing the either side of your face as he forces you to look back at him again. “No. No, no, no, no. We will work. We will, okay? I-- i love you, Y/N. I never stopped, i missed you laying next to me and i missed seeing you looking at your laptop for God knows how long because of school’s paper and it breaks me to hear it from your mom that you quit. I can’t let you do that, i want you to do something that you love. That’s why i’m offering, Y/N.” he reasons, thumbs wiping the salty liquid falling from your eyes.

“I care about them and i care about you. I love you.”

There’s a million reasons why you should give him up at this moment. You can’t bare the thought of getting hurt again in the future, that would be a huge risk. Heartbreak is something that you had overcome for numerous times and you can’t say that it wasn’t a big deal. Because it was. And you don’t know how long you can pull this through. You’ve lost so many good thing in your life and you can’t ask to God to give them back to you.

But, you still love him. Despite everything he had put you through, you still love him. The love in his eyes is undeniable, it’s all for you and not even him can’t deny that. He’s a beautiful person, inside and out. He would never ever had the intentions of hurting someone on purpose. Especially the one he loves. And that is you.

Your mother always says, ‘beautiful person deserves second chances. But remember it’s not the beauty of appearance you should see. It’s their hearts.’ She always reminds you of that with every chance she got.

And maybe... you should.

“Harry... i would be lying if i say i didn’t miss nor love you” You watch as his eyes lights up a little but he knows deep down that he can’t get his hopes up. “I’m not sure how we’re going to do this but... i’m willing you give you a second chance.”

He breathes out a small laugh, nodding his head rapidly as he feels the butterflies erupts his stomach. He truly can’t hide the excitement over the fact you still love him.

“Okay, baby. Okay. I’m just, so glad to have you back. Also i wanted to let you know that i’ve cut ties with all of them. Told them to never speak to me again or there would be a hell to pay.” He assures, biting down his lips trying not to smile hard because he knows for a fact that his cheeks will hurt.

You nod, stretching your lips into a happy smile. “Okay. I’m-- glad to heart that but you shouldn’t hav-”

“No. I should. And i’m glad i did. Fuck them. They have no rights to say that about you.” He scoffs, cursing them over and over in his head. “You’re the love of my life, Y/N. Thank you. Oh my God, thank you baby”. He whispers, slowly leaning into your lips and presses his rosy ones to kiss you,

It catches you off guard but you kiss him back nonetheless, and you feel him smile against your soft lips because you decides to. Nothing truly makes him happier than this. Nothing.

As the two of you disconnect your lips, smile is adorn on both of your faces. Foreheads leaning against eachother, unable to contain the small giggle that escapes from your lips.

“Welcome home, baby”

[b-rainlet]

Here it comes, the post that about two people have been waiting for:

Watching tua I saw a lot of parallels between Vanya and Luther, so much that I decided to make a little post about it (based on my knowledge after watching the show one time)

So let's look at them, shall we?

One of the first things I noticed is their clothing.

I saw a lot of people joking on how Vanya dresses like a gay (which I def support) but looking closer to her clothes, you can see that she mostly wears stuff that’s ill-fitting on her, baggy jeans and too big shirts. Plus, compared to for example Allison or Klaus she wears muted colours, nothing flashy or memorable (the only thing that stuck in my head was the suit and even that was -at first - a normal suit, nothing extra-ordinary. Someone else may have worn a dress, or even some jewellery with the suit, little things that catch the eye).

I think we can all agree that she doesn’t wanna attract any attention, she tries her best to hide herself, be it by blending into her surroundings by avoiding too colourful clothing or by actively hiding her form under too big clothes.

Luther tries more or less the same, although you can argue about how succesfull that is.

Luther is even more obvious about hiding his body, never taking of his coat and even wearing gloves to conceal his hands. He can’t really wear anything that’s big on him because he already is incredibly big (and probably has clothing made extra for him, made to fit) but I bet if he had the chance, he’d also wear baggy things to hide himself.

At the same time, his stuff also isn’t all too flashy (and as far as I remember, he always wears the same stuff? He doesn’t seem to have a big wardrobe).

In both Vanya and Luther’s case, their clothing style stems from low self-esteem. And they both have low self-esteem because of their father.

So while Vanya probably had to live with very low self-esteem since she was a child, due to being reduced to being ‘ordinary’ - and that being treated like it’s a bad thing - and Luther’s problems with his body most likely only started when he was transformed, both of those incidents were engineered and executed by their father.

(But you could argue that Luther seemed to have a very tense relationship with food even before that, binge-eating or not eating at all and feeling guilty about eatogn too much, so maybe he had body issues way before his transformation. But I’m not sure whether the show really intends to explore that, so I stuck to post-monkey body Luther).

(Also also Luther canonically hates his body enough to self-harm (the scars on his chest) and in an interview it was stated that he thought about suicide because of it, both of which are things Vanya can probably relate to but aren’t addressed in the show, so I’m leaving them out on her part).

The only other person I could see having similar problems with his body is Five (Allison and Klaus both seem to be comfortable and Diego calls his body a temple, so it’s save to say they are content how they are body-wise). Ben is dead so I don’t know whether you can say he even has a body. But Five - although surely not happy that his time traveling plans didn’t turn out as planned - seems to be more annoyed at people treating him like a child and not at himself for looking like that (Also his hair is really fly, I keep getting jealous of it)

Speaking of low self-esteem, did you notice something?

Looking back on the show I realized something: Luther and Vanya are both alone.

If you think about it, there aren’t a lot of people outside of their family any of them interact with. But the others do have people they know and they are close to that aren’t family.

Diego has Eudora and even though they don’t have a relationship anymore, they continue to be close to each other and Diego obviously trusts her a whole lot.

Allison had Patrick and Claire. Those two aren’t as prominent as Patch but nevertheless Allison shows that she loves her daughter a lot and at one point in life, seemed to have loved Patrick enough to marry him and have a child with him (there’s also the fact that they seem to have divorced because of Allison using her powers on Claire and not because they had problems as a couple).

Klaus....is a bit trickier. He doesn’t have anyone in the present timeline he seems to be really close to whose not one of his siblings, but he does seem to know a lot of people. He seemed to have a good relationship with the people in rehab, the paramedics seem to either already know him or took a liking to him real fast (I usually don’t high five my paramedics) and he seems to interact with loads of people and he’s had at least one boyfriend in the past (the guy who’s good at cooking).

Then there’s also Dave, who Klaus seems to have loved deeply, actively trying to get sober to summon him. Interesting how every non-familial relationship is immediately romantic

Five and Ben are a bit out of the loop but since one of them died and the other was alone for several years, they are definitely special cases.

And even then, Five had Delores to project a personality onto and have a relationship with to mimick the human interactions he sure as hell craved and he also spent some time working for the commission and it seems like he was well-liked there for his effiency (and the Handler seems to have a weird, creepy crush on him).

And what about Luther and Vanya? Well, Luther never left home and never had any contact with anyone except his father, Pogo and Grace (and even then, Reginald seemed to spend as little time as possible with his kids when it wasn’t about training and he seemed to have stopped training Luther at that point, Pogo is somehow only ever present to be a dick under the guise of mystery and I don’t remember any flashback with him really genuinely interacting with the kids or Luther and Grace may have been a good mom but she doesn’t really count as a human, does she now?)

(And from what you can see, she also doesn’t seem to interact with the kids a lot once they’re adults and mostly sticks to making food for them. Also Diego is obv her fave askalja)

And well, after the mission gone wrong Luther is supposed to spend the rest of his life on the moon, so there’s not a lot of possibility for him to socialize.

Vanya on the other hand has the best chances of starting a new and normal life with loads of friends since she was never required to dedicate her life to the academy like the others had to.

But what do we see of her before Leonard comes into the picture?

She lives alone, no mention of prior partners, no friends, the people who work with her in the orchestra don’t even know her name.....

(Granted, she does have a relationship with someone outside of her family during the first season but I don’t actually count that as a genuine relationship since Leonard only uses her).

The others also have all those added relationships established from the beginning, while Vanya has no one in the beginning and Luther continues to be completely dependant on his family concerning human interaction.

Which brings me to my next point: They both don’t have a real relationship with their family

The one who seems to get along best with everyone is Klaus. He has a good relationship with Diego, they have a lot of scenes together, he and Allison seem to get along, being the only two who actually hug each other and of course him and Ben are really close due to circumstances.

Diego has - as already mentioned - Klaus and also he’s close to Grace (something the others aren’t, even though they all are obviously very fond of her).

But Luther and Vanya are both kind of on the sidelines.

Vanya because she always was and her father encouraged that by not letting her train with her siblings (which I still think is stupid because she could’ve learned combat?? Both Klaus and Allison don’t have powers that grant them a lot of fighting skills and they were still trained how to to take out enemies, so why not Vanya, honestly). He didn’t let her get a tattoo, didn’t let her be on family portraits, her room was moved from being closer to her siblings to being up in the attic as far as I know, basically she was taught she isn’t part of this family.

And that shows in how little she really interacts with her siblings and how in all of those interactions she gets put down, mostly by Diego.

Then there’s Luther, who was part of the academy, who was granted all the things that Vanya couldn’t do and still he doesn’t have a better relationship with his family.

He was obviously closer to his father than his siblings and there’s a wedge between them based on the way his father favoured him over the others (good example is his relationship with Diego).

I personally also think that taking on the role of leader made him distance himself more from the others? Like, you obviously have a different relationship with your co-workers than your boss and I could see the others being cautious around him because what if he snitches on them? Also they obviously didn’t share his views on how good their Dad is and that obviously further divided them, although all of that is more of a hc since we don’t get a lot of general Luther flashbacks about him as a kid.

Notice how in all those scenarios Vanya is the one who deliberately chooses to push herself further away from everyone else whereas Luther doesn’t seem to have a choice about it. Even with their family, Luther doesn’t seem to get out of his role as the leader and genuinely tries to be there for his family even though it only makes matters worse whereas Vanya chooses to write her book (something that really breaks her relationship with Diego) even though she must’ve known about the consequences.

You can argue that Five and Vanya seems to have had a good relationship as kids but looking at the show Five really seems to not ‘belong’ anywhere, spending some time with Vanya, then Klaus, then Allison and Diego, then Luther and then he’s on his own again for some time....

He’s a bit like that one kid in school that doesn’t have a fixed freindgroup and just changes every other week, which makes sense considering that he spent a lot of time apart from his family (even longer than they spent without him) and he’s changed a lot due to that and probably needs to properly reconnect with the others first.

But who did I forget? Oh yeah, Allison.

See, I didn’t mention because Allison she’s another factor where Luther and Vanya parallel each other.

Allison is the only Hargreeves who seems to try and reach out for the two of them on several occasions.

We already see that both their relationships with Diego are tense but we also see that they both seem to click best with Allison.

Allison tries her best to include Vanya in the family again, telling her she belongs there and trying to be supportive when Vanya tells her she met someone (and later on going on a whole detective tangent because Leonard seems shady, that’s peak older sibling).

With Luther, there’s the romance subplot of course but even without that, Allison tries to comfort him about his body and the fact that everything he did was for naught (something none of the others by the way do when the chandelier drops on him. They all see his body, but only Allison tries to talk to him about it as far as I remember. Diego makes fun of it).

Seriously, Allison tries very hard to reach out to those two especially.

(And in the end, both of them end up pushing her out. Vanya by lashing out and hurting her and Luther by not listening to her repeatedly and locking up Vanya).

Both of them are also the most emotionally vulnerable.

Vanya is manipulated by Leonard easily because she desperate for love and approval, even though Leonard screamed ‘shady guy’ from a mile away, let’s be real.

And Luther was blinded so badly by his Dad’s teaching that even when he nearly died, he didn’t leave him and even when his father was dead, he kept acting exactly how Reginald would’ve wanted him to.

All the others don’t seem as perceptive, with Allison seeing through Leonard’s bullshit right away and Diego clearly stating what a monster their Father actually was (and even though all of them are affected by their childhood trauma, they all seem to realize that there was something traumatic happening at all, Luther never really got that far only after he found the unopened sample he had sent his Dad).

So basically, Luther’s and Vanya’s arcs have a lot of similarities that are probably 100% deliberate and they seem to go through a lot of the same stuff even though their original placement within the story (Number One versus Number Seven) seems to frame them as opposites.

And they are opposites, just thinking about how exactly they were isolated from their family shows that. But at the same time even though both their stories are happening on opposite sides, they always end up paralleling each other.

I like to say ‘Two sides of the same coin’

This is basically a long rambly post of me saying that I really think those two could help each other a lot and have an arc about growing closer together, especially considering something  @deweysdenouement has said:

Luther’s whole arc goes from believing your Father was just and always made the right decisions and being convinced that your life had a very specific purpose to learning that everything you thought was basically a lie and that you just wasted your time doing something completely useless because your Father couldn’t stand the sight of you (also your Father was abusive and what you suffered through was, in fact, abuse, and not justified in any way).

And Vanya goes from I am only ordinary and I will never be special in any way and therefore everyone is right to just brush over me and my feelings to I actually am the most powerful out of all of my siblings and I have a right to speak my mind.

(Basically from One to Zero and from Zero to One in one Season).

[fanfictionized]

The Hating Game - Wildflowers (5)

Characters: Lance Tucker x Latina!OFC

Chapter Summary: Lance will try everything to make it up to the reader. He is a persistent son of a bitch after all.

Warnings: swearing but what the fuck else is new?, fluff if you squint 

Words: 1.8k

The Hating Game - Masterlist // Previous Chapter

Neither Ana nor Lance were talking the next time they saw each other.

She came in, like him, with her head lowered in shame, embarrassed by her sister’s actions towards the best trainer she’s ever had.

Even though she had seen the aftermath, not just the meltdown in the gym during their training.

Whatever he’d said to her, she hadn’t wanted to even tell her own sister.

Ana knew she already protected her from more than enough shit so that she wouldn’t have to worry at such a young age and just have a normal goddamn childhood she’d always wished for herself.

But seeing her sitting under the flickering light of the kitchen table, crying and drinking until she could finally get some rest was not exactly making her little sister feel better.

If anything it was making everything worse. And somehow Lance Tucker had something to do with all of this.

She walked until she stood right in front of him, waiting until he had snapped out of his miserable daydream to look down at her with dull eyes.

Why was everyone around her always so depressed?

She had begun to think that maybe she just had the worst of mojos, keeping her untouched while everyone else was suffering throughout the day.

Reverse Midas touch.

“I’m sorry my sister hit you.” She said determinedly, keeping eye-contact even though she had to crane her neck far up.

He huffed out a little breathless laugh. He didn’t seem amused, although the corner of his mouth twitched at her words and the way she was standing in front of him with her hands on her hips made her get his attention.

“I deserved it.” He muttered. She saw his Adam’s apple bob.

“You’re… still gonna teach me, right?”

“Yes, of cause.” He said so naturally, shaking his head in confusion as if she was the one with the crazy ideas.

“It’s got nothing to do with you, Ana.” He breathed in deeply, so much air filling his lungs it would fit in hers four times as much.

“’S not your fault I’m an asshole… or hers, for that matter.”

She couldn’t stop the roll of her eyes as she listened to his pathetic rambling so she only shook her head before stepping back onto the mat, heart pumping with suppressed frustration.

“What?” It took him a second to respond to her reaction, not exactly knowing what to make of it.

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”

His eyebrows raised high on his forehead with both surprise and perhaps a little bit of amusement.

“Excuse me?”

Her head whirled around and suddenly he got where she had that look on her face from.

“She likes you, you know? She does.” She said suddenly, pursing her lips at him as he tried to collect his thoughts, processing the information she was throwing so bluntly at his head.

“But she’s not like you. She doesn’t trust people. Never has.” She sighed while her head leaned back to stare at the ceiling.

“All of her boyfriends have been shitty to her. I’ve seen them treat her like she wasn’t that awesome person she is and it hurts watching her go through that. Every damn time- don’t tell her I said damn…” She whispered, making him smirk before she continued.

“So she’s never had that kind of… stability in her life. Everyone she knew left her. Except for me. So the only chance you got at making her like you again is to make me like you.”

She crossed her arms in front of her chest, the frown on her face deepening.

“And right now you’re not exactly doing a pretty good job at that because last time I checked you made her cry.”

“I tried to tell her-“

“Ba-ba-ba!” She interrupted him with a warning finger raised to point at him.

His mouth fell shut again.

He would’ve never thought he’d get taught by an eleven-year-old. Or that he’d let an eleven-year-old put him in his place for that matter.

“You’ve gotta do better than that. Show her you’re responsible and maybe she’ll talk to you again.”

He swallowed at her words, nodding his head because she was right. God, he hated the fact that she was still just a kid even though he felt like he was trapped in a Dr. Phil episode.

“How old are you again, girl?” He said with a smile, finally reappearing on his face after a long, exhausting day.

“Mentally, I’m way too old for you. Now get on with it, I’ve got to learn how to do that spin.” She shrugged, making him chuckle and step onto the mat with her.

“Hey… can you- can you tell her I’m sorry?” He asked hopefully.

“Lucy hates the telephone game.”

His brows drew together in confusion.

“Girl, what the hell are you talking ab- “

“Just tell her yourself! God. Believe me, if I tell her you’re sorry, she’ll have a damn seizure and let her anger out on me, so… that’s not gonna happen.”

She explained and he nodded, understanding her concern.

“Don’t worry, kid.” He said, gesturing for her to jump up to grab the bar so that they could continue their training after their thoughtful talk.

He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“I’ll think of something.”

.

.

.

“Go away!” Ana heard her sister’s distant yelling coming from the living room so either she was cursing at the characters on her favorite TV-shows again or there was something else waiting to bother her on this already tension-filled evening.

The two of them had eaten in piece, but knowing a household with a stressful mom to criticize your every move, (Ana knew where Lucia had gotten that from) it was making the very silence unable to bear. Even her proximity was enough to make the hairs on her neck stand on end.

She was throwing off such ferociously strong waves of toxic anger that she had fled into her room the second she had eaten up, just wanting to disappear and let her big sister work that anger out by herself because she knew she was too good to ever let it out on her.

Because it wasn’t her fault.

It was that man’s fault who was currently situated in front of their door, waiting in their yard for someone to open this damn door and take him out of his misery.

In that moment, she was glad for him that Lucy wasn’t responding to his calls of her name because she’d probably explode if she’d actually give in to that.

Maybe take that bat for a test-drive.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

“Persistent son of a bitch…” Ana muttered as she crawled on top of her bed to move her curtains aside, looking through her window to spot Lance standing in front of the door in the dark, illuminated by only the dim light of the street lantern and holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand while his other fist knocked on the door once more.

“Just take the damn flowers and I’ll be gone before you know it.” He said, his voice surprisingly calm and collected. He looked it as well.

Maybe their little talk yesterday had brought him to think a little about his actions.

Perhaps had even made him hopeful to try again as well.

Well, obviously, since he was standing right the fuck there.

He really meant it.

The realization made Ana smile. Not one of her previous boyfriends would have even bothered to care and come back only to hear her cussing him out and stayed for that as well.

Without completely losing it, that is.

Still didn’t mean that he was a particularly good guy, but he was honest at least.

He meant his apology and he was ready to pay the price for it. However long that took.

She respected that and the fact that Lucia was currently using all bad words of the Spanish language she could think of to yell at him and that he was just standing there with an own suppressed grin on his lips made her giggle and hold a hand in front of her mouth to mute her sounds.

She wanted to see where this would go without being noticed.

“If you tell me your favorite kind I can can drop them by tomorrow.” He said and Ana loved the way he wasn’t asking any questions, but telling her instead.

“Leave me alone, Tucker.” Her sister spoke up after a minute or so, her tone less frightening and more composed as if she’s had to think about the offer instead of instinctively declining it.

His head dropped between his shoulders as his hand went up to scratch his scalp, a hand rubbing over his strained neck. Ana watched him, saw his deep sigh and the defeat in his eyes before he crouched down to place the bouquet on their doorstep.

But she couldn’t let him leave like that.

She slid open the window, whispering his name.

“Pssssst!” She hissed before his head finally turned to the side, having spotted her, yet he still looked around in confusion before he cautiously approached her.

“Ana, what-” He muttered, his voice a low whisper as he followed her lead, not trying to make Lucia notice that he’d not actually disappeared.

“Give ‘em to me.” She whispered and she didn’t have to say anything else before he was holding the flowers up and she took them from his grasp, placing them on the window sill in front of her.

Like a scene from Rapunzel or some shit.

“Wildflowers.” She whispered, making a crease appear on his forehead.

“What?” He whispered back and the way he was looking up at her in such a distress made her snort out a laugh and his tense shoulders fell down a little, relaxing as well.

“She loves Wildflowers. Reminds her of growing up outside the city.” She explained and saw his eyes light up as he realized she was actually trying to help him.

“It does?” He asked, seemingly lost in thought, thinking of her, because he was smiling from ear to ear.

“Yeah. Now get off the damn lawn, she’ll kill me if she sees me talking to you. Go!” She swatted her hand, but not before he managed to grab said hand and press a grateful kiss to the back of it.

“Thank you, Milady.” He grinned and she hissed another “Go!” before he finally turned to walk away, but only until he was standing in front of the door again, clapping his hands together in victory before shouting into the night sky;

“You know I won’t give up on you, right?” A big grin plastered on his face before he was sneaking away and into the dark, making her roll her eyes and shake her head in disbelief, muttering the word “Fool” Under her breath before she finally closed the window.

#

Taglist: @culturespark

[princess-faelivrin]

It’s a very abridged list of characters, BUT I wanted to make a post about my interpretations of some of the CoH characters despite the fact that Nobody Asked. Apologies in advance for 100000 blocks of text and yelling. 

TÚRIN

Call it projecting, ‘cause I guess it is, but Túrin has always been half-Asian in my head, in terms of appearance. I don’t know if I do a good enough job of showing it in my art, but Morwen reminds me of my Taiwanese mom and Húrin of my white-passing dad, so my Túrin takes after his mom. He’s stated to have grey eyes, so grey eyes he will have, but I tend to draw them dark enough that they almost look black. Aside from that, he’s tallish with unruly also-almost-black hair and a tendency to wear dark colors, which... might also be projection except for the tall part. It is what it is. 

Anyway, personality-wise... I mean this with all the love in my heart, but Túrin’s a dumb emo. Actually I partially take that back-- he’s a smart emo, smart and charismatic enough to be a natural leader with a good head for battle, but a ridiculous emo nonetheless. 

As stated in the Childhood of Túrin, he was kind of a weird kid, too old for his age and slightly unsettling, with a quick temper and an ability to hold grudges, but he cared deeply for the feelings of those around him and had a strong protective instinct for his little sis Lalaith. He’s also shown to have a leaning towards pity throughout his life, for anyone hurt or sad or at a disadvantage, which is really sweet and kinda makes me want to cry. 

Later on, Túrin is clearly pretty impulsive and can be ruled by anger, like when he smacked Saeros in the nose with a cup (which is valid) and lashed out at Beleg when he tried to give him bread. He felt bad about that second one pretty quickly, but I think it’s mentioned a couple times throughout CoH that people are scared of Túrin because of how quickly his mood can go south. 

On the other hand, despite the fact that he keeps directly and indirectly killing them, Túrin actually does really love his friends. Obvs he loves Beleg, and he loved Sador and probably Nellas too, and during the Nargothrond chapter he tries his best to look after Gwindor and Finduilas and try to figure out what’s making both of them so damned sad all the time. He fails, of course, because he’s too oblivious to notice the romantic tension so thick you’d have to use Gurthang to cut it, but he tries and that’s what counts. 

BELEG

I think it might just be because of fanart, but Beleg as I see him has silver hair. Between Beleg and Mablung, the consensus seems to be that one of them has dark hair and the other silver, so my Beleg is the silver one. I have actually no idea what color his eyes are, though. Hazel? Who knows. He’s taller than Túrin, that’s for sure, with long legs and broad shoulders. I like drawing him with a little white flower pin on his clothes. 

He seems to be a pretty cheerful dude, probably the most cheerful in all of CoH, which is good for him, I guess. He laughs when the outlaws see him and go “oh shit, who is that?” and lets them be in suspense for a second or two before going “haha, sike, it’s me! Beleg! I have food for y’all starving dudes.” Thus, he’s a good foil/companion to Túrin’s depressing nature and his death removes a lot of the scant happiness in Túrin’s life. 

Something I love about Beleg is that he’s very forgiving and just like... a ridiculously nice person for the situation. Beleg doesn’t hold anything against Túrin, doesn’t hold anything against Andróg either (which is pretty impressive,) and immediately decides to give Gwindor lembas and take him along for the ride after finding him under a tree in the forest. 

The big important thing to Beleg’s personality, imo, is that he’s very loyal (to Túrin specifically.) Despite being told it’s a dangerous idea, he goes and looks for Túrin in the wilderness, and even Thingol is well aware he won’t be stopped. It also outright says that where Túrin is concerned, Beleg “yield[s] to his love against his wisdom” to be with him. He’s straight up referred to as the most steadfast of friends, which is really sad because it’s like a sentence after he dies, but there it is-- Beleg is a good friend and a loyal one. 

TÚRIN’S FAMILY

I already mentioned the fact that Túrin’s family reminds me a lot of mine, which definitely influences my perception of them, but anyway: 

Morwen is a fairly angular lady, who has dark dark hair pulled into a chopstick bun behind her head and a pair of raven-feather earrings that gleam in low light. She’s the parent that Túrin got his unsettling edgy aura from, and her Displeased Face is enough to scare any intruder out of her house. She loves her kids and her husband, but she’s stern so sometimes it’s hard to tell. 

Húrin is the neighborhood guy who knows everyone and who everyone knows in return. He’s kind of a square-looking blond guy, like Van Hohenheim from Fullmetal Alchemist except happier and more of a jock. He apparently can play the harp, which is cool, and he probably has lots of stories from being out and about with the elf-host. He loves his kids and his wife and likes to joke around sometimes with Túrin because he’s so straightforward and less inclined to humor. 

Niënor outstripped her parents and her brother in height, and ended up the tallest of the family. She has her dad’s blonde hair, and is slightly more square shaped than her mom or her brother. She’s also half-Asian, but you have to squint. She doesn’t fight like her brother, and is acutely aware of the Túrin-shaped hole in her mother’s life and heart and the matching shadow cast over her own life. However unlike Túrin she is in some ways, she has the same occasional fiery stubbornness and penchant for anguished theatrics, albeit on a smaller scale. 

Lalaith... poor kid. She was charming and cute but didn’t last long. 

MABLUNG

My Mablung has wavy-ish dark hair in a similar style to Beleg’s, and has a slightly less willowy build, for lack of a better way to compare them. He’s got dark eyebrows to better express how utterly unimpressed he is with whatever dumb shit is going down in Doriath, and probably a few not-too-flashy piercings. He’s very dignified in posture and appearance, but not like... pretentious, because he fights people in the woods on a regular basis. 

Out of Túrin’s friends, Mablung is probably the most akin to the Responsible One, with Gwindor at a close second. He’s less willing than Beleg to drop everything for a friend, and requires more evidence to support it, but he’ll still do it after thinking it over and will probably beat himself up about not having gone for it sooner. 

On that point, poor guy takes too much onto his own shoulders and ends up feeling shitty and miserable when he fails at something that he could not have possibly succeeded at. This is demonstrated in terrible, heartwrenching fashion throughout the story, when Mablung asks Thingol to fire him because he lost Morwen and Niënor, to which Thingol says “what no, you’re too good, we need you” and Melian says “don’t feel too bad about it, ok?” (he ignores the last part and continues to feel bad enough about it that he looks for Niënor for Literal Years.) Also on that topic is the scene in which Mablung sees Túrin dead and stands there like some sort of Beleriand Benvolio, realizing that all his friends are dead and that “thus with words have I slain one that I loved.” 

NELLAS

I almost forgot her, can you imagine? You probably can, because she’s a minor character who disappeared like a third of the way through the story, but let’s not talk about that. She’s a forest girl, so I imagine she likes to wear a lot of nice leaves on her head, and/or make a bunch of flower crowns and then drop them in fright if anyone happens to find her in the process. She has dark brown hair and big, curious eyes, and is short and slight even by human standards. 

Nellas has... hardcore dirt lesbian energy. It’s implied that she had a crush on Túrin, but honestly, I doubt that very much. In my head, she and Túrin were just really close pals, and she taught him about how to live in the woods and how to rescue worms from the rain. Her moment of glory, basically, is going into the city once and immediately proceeding to freeze up from anxiety in front of the king. Is that a mood? Yeah and I love her. I hope she’s okay.  

ANDRÓG

I realize he’s another minor character, but he is a very compelling one to me specifically, so. As I imagine him, he’s a fairly lean young dude with a hungry-wolf look about him, which is sort of a mixture of desperation, suspicion, and plain snappishness. He has dark eyes and hair a little darker than what could be called ‘mousy brown,’ tied back in a short ponytail. He also has a frequent scowl and generally is a little bit scary, although he isn’t exactly physically imposing in the ‘tall and buff’ sense. 

There really is no other way to describe Andróg’s personality than ‘he’s a particularly mean tsundere.’ He’s just... full of rage and repressed Feelings for Túrin and possibly also Beleg. Unfortunately, these feelings manifest in Being A Bitch And Generally Not Nice. It takes him so long to admit he can’t actually hate Beleg that he literally just up and dies after doing one (1) nice thing. Why do I like him? It’s anyone’s guess tbh. 

GWINDOR

Ah... yes...... the character who nobody talks about but who I love with my whole heart and soul. To start off with appearance, the only canon things about what he looks like is that he has dark hair and looks older than he would otherwise because torture. Immediately post-imprisonment and during it, I imagine his hair is short, but beforehand and a while after, it gets back to being long. He has a bunch of scars from all that too, and generally has the bearing and amount of grey hairs as a substitute teacher who nobody listens to. I draw him with grey eyes usually, but saw @bisexualturin‘s hc of him having had violet eyes before and I’m kinda in love thanks. 

In terms of who he is as a person, we don’t know much of what he was like before the Nirnaeth, but as I see him, he’s always had a fiery streak and a slightly acerbic sense of humor. Being tormented for 14 years forced him to mellow out some, by which I mean a) how the hell are you supposed to keep your sense of humor after that and b) as shown in his arguments with Túrin over tactics, he’s now extremely wary of head-on battle. 

He’s fundamentally someone who wants the best for the people around him, and who loves both Finduilas and Túrin very much despite feeling hurt and miserable over the fact that his opinion is now worth nothing to those in charge and the sense that he’s not good enough for anyone (much less his two best friends) in his current state. Overall, his dying speech is emblematic of the very Oof Ouch and Complicated feelings he ended up having toward Túrin, namely “you’re a dumbass and probably should have listened to me, but I love you and I am going to try my damndest to give both you and Finduilas as much of a chance at life as I can, even here as I bleed out in your arms.” 

Which brings us to... 

FINDUILAS

Finduilas is sweet like honey chamomile tea and her whole being radiates soft sunlight. In my mind, she’s somewhat round-faced, with really fluffy golden hair, sparkly freckles on tan skin, and a liking for wearing light blue clothes that match her eyes. She smiles a lot and possibly gives off actual light??? Also my heart is full of affection for chubby Finduilas. General consensus is Soft. 

Canon-wise, whether she’s more introverted or extroverted is kind of up to interpretation, as all we’re really given is that she worries about Túrin when he’s out fighting and “wishe[s] not to add one tear to [Gwindor’s] suffering.” I tend to think of her as sunny and gregarious, with way more game than her dad, and with endless reserves of empathy, sympathy, and compassion for the people she loves. 

As a Finwean princess, she absolutely has the capacity for badassery, which makes me very into the idea of Túrin rescuing her post-Nargothrond as per Gwindor’s request and the two of them going on a road trip of doom. But unfortunately, we don’t get to see another side of her in the book. 

I usually just put the book down and cry after the sack of Nargothrond, so I’ll just do one more character: 

ORODRETH

Ok, so Finduilas has to have gotten her Vanyarin hair from her dad, clearly. But since Elves can probably change their appearances based on willpower to some degree, Orodreth’s hair is nowhere near as fluffy, and is a darker honey-blonde than Finduilas’ gold. He’s one of the plainest-looking Finweans by virtue of the fact that he perpetually has this look on his face that makes him seem like he wants to melt into the floor and go back to Aman. Which he kinda does. 

Unfortunately, Orodreth didn’t do much in the story except be a doormat to like five different people and then die, but I still like him for whatever reason. Way early on, before Húrin or his kids were a thing, Orodreth was still himself, aka someone who asked nicely for people to not make bad decisions, and predictably didn’t get listened to. Sure, some of Fëanor’s terrible boys took over his hidden elf city, but what was he going to do? Fight them? No. He’d rather just Not. 

...I feel bad for him. He literally did not ask for Any Of That. 

that’s all y’all, I am so sorry for making you read the entirety of the inside of my head as it has been for the past four months 

[dynowrites]

Trigger warning: mention of car accident

Word count: ~1.6k

Tagged: @obfuscateyummy @giraffe-puppy @madpanda75 @katmstanton @southern-magnolia @onelovesr

Macee: 21 and a half

Dante: almost 19

“Absolutely not.” Rafael told his daughter. She whined some as she crosses her arms over her chest.

“Why not, papi? He always wears his helmet and has a spare for me!” Macee said. She always wanted to ride with Dante on his motorcycle but Rafael would never allow it.

“How do I know you’re going to be safe?! There are no seatbelts on it to keep you on the bike!” Rafael spoke. Macee frowned as she looked at the clock.

“Both of his parents are working, papi. He only has his motorcycle. He doesn’t have a car.” Macee tried her best to reason with Rafael but he was way too stubborn.

“I don’t care how careful he is driving that thing, Macee. I don’t trust you on it. Thanks final. You two will go out in your car.” Rafael said sternly before walking away. Macee mumbled and waited until she heard a knock at the door. She walked over and smiled as Dante stood there with two helmets.

“You ready, Macee?” Dante smiled at her but she turned and looked in the direction Rafael had walked. “You alright, doll? Someone wrong?” Dante frowned and quickly became concerned.

“Papi got mad. I told him we were going away for the weekend with friends and you were taking us on your bike. He doesn’t like the fact you have it.” Macee whispered as she looked up at her fiancé. Dante sighed as he walked into the house and closed the door behind him. He set the helmets down before wrapping his arms around her tightly.

“I remember when I told my parents I wanted to drive a motorcycle when I was fifteen, right before I turned sixteen. My mom nearly passed out and my dad… well, we had to take him to the doctor due to his blood pressure. We all sat down and had a very, very long conversation about it. They taught me to drive a car before a motorcycle. My uncle Enzo came down for a few weeks to help me. The day I passed the driving test, I never saw more fear in my parents eyes.” Dante chuckled. Macee nodded as she remembered that day.

“He’s just worried we’re going to get into an accident. I know you’re a good driver. You’re going to get us to the beach safely. I know it.” Macee said as she got up on her tiptoes to kiss Dante. He kissed her back deeply as he pulled her close against him.

“Are you two going to stand there and make out because it’s nasty.” Emiliano mumbled as he came down to get a snack. Dante laughed softly as he pulled away from Macee.

“We were about to head to the beach for the weekend. You sure you don’t want to join? I don’t think anyone would mind. We have extra room in the place we’re staying.” Dante offered his friend. Emiliano shook his head.

“Rather not since I know you two are going to bang the moment you guys can.” Emiliano said as he quickly made a sandwich.

“I’m leaving, Papi! I love you.” Macee said as she grabbed the helmet Dante brought her along with her backpack that was full of her clothing for the next few days before walking out the door with Dante.

“Please, be safe you two. Call me the moment you two get to Jersey okay?” Rafael said as he watched the two. Macee smiled as she went over to hug her father.

“I will papi. I’ll see you Tuesday when we come back.” Macee said. Rafael nodded as he looked at Dante.

“Be safe, okay?” Rafael was still nervous but he knew Dante was a good driver.

“We’ll call you once we get there.” Dante told Rafael before Macee went back to her fiancés side. Rafael nodded with a small smile as the couple left.

“Remember, hold on tightly to me, Macee.” Dante said as he placed a kiss to her lips before sliding his helmet on. Macee nodded she slid hers on and waited for Dante to start the bike and get on. Macee followed and wrapped her arms tightly around his center before they were off on the road.

The two had small conversations on the way to Jersey but Dante was more focused on the road. They were close to the house Macee’s friends has rented a nice place for all of them for the weekend to spend at the beach. They had stopped at a red light as Macee for her phone out of her pocket to text her friends they were almost there. Once the light turned green, Dante waited a moment before he began to move forward. Out of the corner of his eye, Dante saw a car coming towards them. He cursed to himself.

“Mace, doll, hold on tight, alright? Whatever you do, do not let go.” Dante said to Macee. She nodded as she tightened her grip on Dante. As he tried to speed through the intersection, he didn’t make it. The car he saw that wasn’t stopping slammed right into the front of the motorcycle. He tried hard to keep it under control but he couldn’t. Macee went tumbling as Dante went in the other direction. Slowly, Macee sat up after a moment and pulled her helmet off.

“Dante? Dante!” She began to scream as she panicky looked around. She sat him a bit away from her as she rushed to his side. When she got there, he wasn’t moving. “Dante, baby. Hey, it’s okay, I’m here.” Macee said as she grabbed his hand tightly. She gave him a squeeze until she heard an ambulance coming. They took Dante off the the hospital with Macee as she quickly called her father.

“Mija! You made it to Jersey?” Rafael’s voice said through the phone. Macee was trying to keep her tears from falling from her eyes as she looked at Dante.

“W-we got into an accident. Papi, it wasn’t Dante’s fault! He j-just went straight through the light!” Macee tried to speak through the tears. Rafael listened to his daughter as he began to get ready to leave.

“Are you okay? Is Dante okay?” Rafael fumbled to find his keys and rush out the door to the SUV. Macee watched Dante as she burst out into tears.

“I just have a broken wrist b-but Dante’s unconscious. We are on our way to the hospital.” Macee explained to her father. Rafael nodded and checked the time.

“I’ll be there in less than an hour, alright? I’ll call Sonny and Sophia. I’ll be there soon. I love you.” Rafael said before hanging up. Once at the hospital, Dante was carted off as Macee when to get her wrist checked on.

Almost an hour had passed and Macee hasn’t heard anything from the doctors about Dante. Rafael had rushed in and held Macee close against him as she cried into his chest. Sonny and Sophia weren’t far behind him. Sonny had offered to get Macee anything to eat or drink and she just asked for a drink. She wasn’t in the mood to eat.

“What even happened?” Rafael asked. Macee sighed as she took the coffee with caramel creamer Sonny had got her.

“We were going through the green light a-and some guy flew through the light and hit us… god, I hope he’s okay…” Macee said as she fought back her tears. Macee watched as Dante’s doctor came out to them.

“How is he? How’s my baby boy?” Sophia asked the doctor as Macee rushed to her.

“He’s going to make a full recovery. Concussion along with a dislocated right shoulder but it’s back in place now. He also got a nasty cut on his arm so we had to stitch him up. He’s in his own room now, awake and alert. You guys can visit him.” The doctor said. Macee rushed off to Dante’s room as she opened the door and walked in.

“Dante! Babe, you’re okay.” Macee rushed to his side, tears streaming down her face. Dante has a few cuts and scrapes on his face but he smiled brightly at his fiancé.

“You okay?” He asked her. Macee nodde before showing him her arm.

“A cast around my wrist until it heals but that’s it. How are you feeling?” Macee sat on the side of the bed and watched the boy.

“My head hurts, my shoulder hurts, mainly my entire body hurts. But I’m here with you, doll. At least you’re okay.” Dante leaned over and kissed Macee deeply. Macee kisses back and carefully placed her hand on his cheek.

“Glad to see you’re both alright.” Rafael said as he entered the room. Dante adjusted himself slightly and frowned at him.

“Raf, I’m so sorry. I never meant-“

“It’s okay. Macee told me what happened. I’m not blaming you for anything. I’m just glad you’re alright.” He said as Sonny and Sophia came into the room.

“Hey, champ. Glad to see you’re okay. Doctor said you’ll be here the next two days before we can take you home.” Sonny said as he smiled at his son. Dante smiled some before frowning.

“Sorry I crashed my bike. I promise I’ll pay you back for it.” Dante responded with but Sophia shook her head.

“You’re fine, Dante. Maybe in the spring we can go shopping again for you. You’re just going to have to share the car with Ren or use the minivan.” Sophia watched her son as he groaned.

“No one is going to think I’m cool if I drive a minivan to soccer practice, ma!” Dante exclaimed, causing everyone in the room to laugh.

“I think you’re cool even if you drive the minivan, babe.” Macee smiled as she cuddled close against him. Dante slowly wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close against him.

“At least someone does.” Dante whispered as he placed a kiss to her forehead and relaxed with Macee against his side.

[weirdness-on-the-roof]

critical role episode 48 campaign 2 notes and funny lines post break edit:this has detailed notes on all the stuff that happened later in the episode including physical descriptions near the end. enjoy ya nerds

don’t steal the books from a high powered mage; don’t kill the dude; beau turning into cad; look at beau planning for the future

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is marisha flirting with matt via matt playing yasha and beau flirting with yasha?

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‘tea the international language’ but no earl grey

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wensworth the goblin

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coming from Cad ‘im a fine tea maker’ is kinda a threat tbh

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elf that isn’t white/European??? yay! also really old elves are cool

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beau and cad tag teaming a political chat with a mage this can’t end poorly

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Nott: :beau ruins every situation shes in and is very abrasive

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send the freaking cat!!! why not?? caleb my dude

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god i miss allura and gilmore currently

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fucking fuck don’t lie to the mage beau plz stop this is painful ‘you’re not wrong’ sure blame the ancient sea god

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‘on the verge of returning’ yea no duh you let him out 2/3 of the way so fjord could get a spell

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‘we found a thing’ so smooth and eloquent beau ‘it was presented to us as the happy fun time ball’

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‘butter fingers with magical items’

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beau getting a geography lesson from a very old powerful elven mage

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‘magical geometric orb that has the ability to bend time and space and fate’ which is kept in a hot pink magic bag that happened to ‘fall into [their] lap’

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‘if youre down im down is what im saying... i have a few slots open in my loyalty bank if you’re willing to pay rent’ says the 20 some human who punches things to the centuries old wizard ‘

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liam stress eating

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cad’s hope in the group is heartwarming

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tower metaphors and a conversation!!!

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caleb reading shitty romance novel and nott eating a fish outside a mage’s tower in the morning sunlight in a major city

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caleb takes the rear

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first name drop and a while

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holy shit 200 years of magic using

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cad explaining materialistic nature of the rest of the party to elf dude is hilarious

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teleportation circles?????? in return for access to the sphere!! oh shit thats good

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or candy

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crap. no one has insight checked this dude and they gave him the happy fun ball and made a deal kinda.

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‘how do we prove our loyalty?’ ‘by not fucking me over’ sounds like a good plan

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is this guy just caleb’s patron now on the low idk this is how my head works and he said learn

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“you have a geometric shape that makes babies?” “yea they talked about that”

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fjord just kills the dude

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‘i got banishment on hold just in case’ *cackling laughter*

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i agree with elf dude, him not knowing anything about the dodecha is more concerning than him knowing about it

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ALL THE CITIES FROM CR1 MENTIONED FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! I STILL MISS ALLURA AND GILMORE

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good to know the pink bag protects from divination on this plane but just this one

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jester and the traveler figurine

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cad included the Traveler in the ‘chaotic forces’ i still think the traveler is some kinda arch fey evil things idk its real late here and this is incoherent

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‘well, thats been my morning tea‘ 

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caleb getting additional tour

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good aesthetic for the room tbh

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letting weird people in for morning tea is entertainment is a mood and something i strive to be able to do without getting murdered one day

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so yasha and caleb both have gotten the ‘stay with friends’ chat from a powerful being which is nice. but also the ‘use who you need to’ going to caleb is vaguely concerning

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personalized biscuits [bourbon, cinnamon, lobster, fish and three unknowns]

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‘caleb, what happened in there?’

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cad not believing caleb’s bullshit and opening doors for caleb warms my heart

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‘if this isn’t the death of us, and if not hes a good ally. somethings gonna be the death of us so [yolo]’

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‘you can’t bullshit everyone in this world’

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cad talking about beau telling the truth: ‘you’re not very good at it but you tried

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jester looking out for nott and her home town

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caleb and beau being cute while also giving each other shit is the most sibling like thing

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omg going back to allfield that was so long ago for fucks sake BRYCE my person thank god

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jester had a boy band phase its cannon and i think the girls had a sleepover in jester’s old room. also marion never leaves the hotel. THE RUBY NECKLACE MY HEART AND THE HONEY AWWWWW

‘the army of men and women and inbetween that will do as i want them to’ god i adore her being protective of jester

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also the fact matt makes such a good mom why is he like this

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travel time!!!! ‘roll for initiative’-tal

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how does matt keep these notes so organized and remember all the npc names

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the ranger/beast master in Laura is coming out with nugget

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caleb is a devout cat person and jester is the definition of a dog person

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nott refining oil on a magical moving cart, while jester reads a romance novel and trains a dog,

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Dyren- Beau’s roommate at colbot souls; ‘taught beau lots of really cool things’ got sent to a warfront. shaved head, dark clothes, buff b/c ‘been workin out’, ‘do you love her?’ they had ‘good times’, then literal booty call, and dropping locations, Dyren was in Bladegarden. ‘fierce eyebrows, pointed nose’

                    OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES

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Vandren info drop to Fjord ‘he was making amends’

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Dyren responded and was hurt in Bladegarden but is safe. Beau looked immediately worried and happy about jester’s imput [’sounded way into you’]

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empire kids chat and caleb admitting insecurities about powerful people and being scared about the consequences of his actions and the group’s actions. caleb is scared about being forced to leave for safety and being ‘flayed alive’. my thoughts are he would leave if he became a threat to the others by being there or vise versa. trent would extort that b/c hes a dick

“caleb, unfortunately, you don’t get to choose who cares for you” you’re fucking correct Beau

“the problem with friends is that you have to care for them”

walks away “wow cool caleb! see- jester thinks you’re cool because shes your fucking friend!”

me too Tal “everything i like about those two characters in one conversation”

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5 years since Caleb left Trent and crew ie had a nervous breakdown

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gustav left town after being freed and trostenwald now has a WV accent that is too familiar

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100 extra soldiers in allfield. bryce is still up and kicking and wonderful. stuff ‘got this far east [quickly]’. the attacks came from underground apparently so fuck. the fields were burned, building destroyed a bit then they [Xhorhasians] left

“good thing is they’ve already been attacked so lightning doesn’t strike twice” oof thanks bryce

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beau just dead ass asking for illegal writing statements

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fjord having a thank u jesus bryce moment

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jester giving cad a pretty present is ‘so exciting’ and precious

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Cad not knowing cookbooks were a thing!!! and not being utterly literate enough to understand it

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wtf happened to liam’s voice in the ‘main export is oysters’ thing

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FELDERWEN!!!!!

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a dozen squads of 50 ppl each patrolling felderwen area so rippppp

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Nott knows where the halfing’s house is.... interesting... and is heavily drinking

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BLUE FLASH

elven woman in fine clothes of green and black ----lady vest durogna the arch mage of antiquity serboros assembly

a male figure in deep blue robes, older pale elf, fine clothes, the flash came from him----- martinette luden’th de____ arch mage of domestic protection

CALEB KNOWS THEM BOTH FROM THE ACADEMY AHHHHHH

he just lays flat and hides in the cart internally: ‘nopenopenopenope’

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several burned buildings, a warehouse, an inn, apothecary and several houses

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ohhhh shit the halfling was the owner of the apothecary and nott was looking for the shit she had been sending back this whole adventure....... im sad now that was confirmed

havent found a body of yeza

luke is yeza’s son at old edith’s house

            halflings only produce halflings according to something i read at some point but forget where sooooooooo

shattered vials and materials and house stuff

CHILDREN'S TOYS

locked basement which nott knows of?? Nott is anxious and impatient when the door doesn’t open. jester fails, yasha rages and at a 19 and doesn’t break the door. ‘it wasn’t [trapped]’ but dispel magic worked to open it.

a 15′x15′ room, tossed ‘not like you remember’ to nott, a 2x3 iron chest. a single chair in the center of the room. definitely a struggle with heavy impacts and blade scratched on wall

             nott was the torturer from the goblin tribe

chair was placed in the spot after the struggle

this was where he [yeza] kept chemicals according to nott

poisoned iron locked box (dull black glass)  inside a retractable silver tripod to hold something atop it, 3 empty vials 1 full one with a liquid/gas fog like dull colored thing, a pile of destroyed notes [two pieces of still legible paper which have props]

            dunamous field, causes ppl slow to be slower or faster, ‘captured crin operatives’ dunaments and dunamacy, origon gliffs, exist outside established schools of magic, theory in deeply rooted in arcana taken for granted, rooted in _____ town, 12-16 months to refine, word has found me that trent’s kiddos have knacks for this things, dreams are thrilling

well shittttt

            crin on battle fields, ‘breaking fields of fate, fuck the raven queen

SHIIIIIT

a piece of dunemous

dodecha goes in tripod according to beau

chair facing chest

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cricks did this apparently

a little under 100 crowns guard killed, 4 civilians burned

soldiers just ‘slowed down’ 

left via tunnels and collapsed them behind them

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nott dont be a bitch and don’t get mad at caleb and call them ‘his people’

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cad picks up caleb and ‘youre not at fault here, youre the solution here. don’t let her anger... its not about you’

my HEART

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the chest is too big for the haver sack but fits in lorenzo’s bag of holding

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people have entered and exited since the attack and left the chair and stuff

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lots ‘o chairs

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nott needs to see ledith and uke (?) and not flip the fuck out

‘humble hobble’

nott looked like halfling plump face, braids, tan skin

edith- human older, grey hair, beady eyes, ever present smile like face

          LUKE IS HER SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CANNON

         *edit- rewatching this and seeing ever one’s faces “wheres my son?!” particularly laura/liam/travis just hurt. liam just looked up after a second and travis did his face he does and laura just stiffened and eyes and hand to face. caleb/liam who knows just hugs himself the rest of the convo. marisha is note taking and fuck the video off now

about 5 yrs old, blue eyes, tan/light brown skin, halfling

gave him the doll of the king

IM GONNA CRY NOW BYE

‘HES PROABLY DEAD NOW TOO LIKE I THOUGHT YOU WER’

yenza locks him away when ‘the mean lady comes by’

mean lady has pointy ears and comes often, luke was kept in room, luke was pushed out of the house and told to go somewhere safe so he ran to edith’s house and ‘everything was on fire’

‘im not strong enough to come back yet but know that [im stll thinking of you and i send things] and i hope dad sends them to you.“ fuck my heart

“in my heart i think he is” “well don’t die”

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the elves are gong to the ruins of yenza’s house

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marisha looked so betrayed

tal ‘i was waiting for the riegel shoe to drop’

WOW

HEY CALEB- WOOOW

-------

we’ll pick up hiiiere

fuck you sam and matt and everything abou this my heart is just FUCKKK

ummm so enjoy the frantic poorly taken notes <3

[pinkletterday]

The Flash 5x4!!!

I am HYPED, you guys! FINALLY WE FIND OUT WHAT'S UP WITH MOMMA AND BABY.

Whatever it is Im going to deeply empathize with and love both of them.

Idk who this stupid af bitch is running straight into a blazing hail of fireballs and trying to take selfies but I hate her.

Iris. Iris. Baby. Hahahahaha Nora knows what a disaster her Mom is in the kitchen. I love you sfm Iris.

Hey Nora this version of your Mom just met you so hold back on the teenage sass, okay?

Ok this isnt funny anymore my heart is aching for Iris.

Young lady sit back down and eat that breakfast your Mom made for you.

"Make you a banana" lmaoooo this is why Barry does all the cooking. Gawd I love the domesticity.

I love that Iris can't cook. It just adds to her perfection. I guess I really am a fool in love, huh?

Oh God this guy. Shut up shut up shut up. Did this buffoon just call Cisco Ramon not brave???

I wish Ralph would take the lead here. That's right, I like Ralph now. This season is magic.

I would find this softball thing adorkable and hilarious if it wasn't for the fact that Barry is literally the Flash. It doesn't make a lick of sense. Would have been much more interesting if Barry had turned into a star athlete overnight and everyone just boggled.

Otoh it provides an interesting (read: hilarious) look at their dynamic growing up. Their different dorknesses cancel each other out.

I am irked. Why is the Flash a hopeless athlete? HE CATCHES KNIVES OUT OF THE AIR. How does he just switch off his co-ordination?

Kinda nice seeing all the ladies together like that though. Cecile is a gift.

NORA IS A GAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL WE HAVE A BABY QUEER IN THE HOUSE aaaaaand you are seriously trying my patience here. Be rude to your mother one more time. See how that goes.

Oooh Momma Bear is on the case! *hearteyes*

See, Baby Giraffe is already better at this than The Fraudulent Frenchie.

I hate to say it but based on that lumberjane chic I think we have another queer in the house. But this one we don't want.

Loool "like her size extra small". I hate to say it but thats a way better reason for her codename than "excess" ugh.

No it was different because she never knowingly put the people she was writing about in danger you asshat. God I wish you weren't so pretty.

Another black man wrongly accused. What up, America.

...Joe what. You guys. Jesse Martin looks bad. IS HE OKAY I AM SERIOUSLY CONCERNED.

Momma coaching Baby through speedster things! Because Barry taught her that one time she was a speedster. I can't handle this. My heart.

She FINALLY thanked her! Iris's smile.

My girls. I can't.

OMG SOMEONE REMEMBERS EARLY EDITION! I loved that show!

Also. Iris West, ace reporter, always better than fake hoes. Watch and learn, padawan.

Am sad we're not getting any Cisco Ramon. I hope Carlos is enjoying his mini-vacay. Otoh, I really like that Caitlin is included in the West-Allen circle this ep.

I wonder why Nora doesnt call Cait and Cisco Aunt and Uncle. They must be the godparents.

It's okay Ralph. Some leads don't pan out. If Shitloque was an actual detective he'd know that.

But I love that the heroes of Central City can walk around in public and interact freely. Oliver's team would need to break in and scare the bejesus out of some poor unsuspecting sod.

NORA IS A DISASTER LESBIAN CONFIRMED. Or probably a disaster bi like her Dad. I AM LOVIN' THIS.

THAT MOMENT WHEN THE PENNY DROPS FOR BARRY THAT HIS DAUGHTER IS A GAY LMAOOO

Fuck I love that Iris never even blinked when Nora said Spencer was cute. She probably sussed it way before. I love you Momma West-Allen.

Oh no oh no I was right. Iris pulled a Joe West. Goddamn it. I mean I get why, I get how traumatized and scared she must have been but IRIS NO YOU DON'T LIE TO YOUR CHILDREN TO PROTECT THEM. Remember how you felt when your Dad did that to you?

I am legit heartbroken, you guys. I really wanted to be wrong. I blame Joe West's goddamn patriarchal shitty parenting for perpetuating this cycle of lies.

I swear to God if this show tries to justify lying and manipulating your kid again I'm going to give up on it. It's triggering as all fuck (I still havent recovered from S1 and 2) and I need Iris to be held accountable when she fucks up, not let her turn into another Fefe who can do no wrong.

Jesus Christ Iris, trying to force a conversation with Nora by invading her privacy and ignoring her need for space is not okay. BOUNDARIES, girl.

Oh okay but she's holding herself accountable thank fuck. I mean, Barry's right she can't be blamed for what she might do in the future but IT'S STILL WRONG.

I was actually shaking. Friendly reminder that survivors of parental abuse and manipulation are also watching this show, some of us with CPTSD.

"What if my Dad did something like that to you"?? Er. Iris? Remember when he lied to you for twenty years about your mother being dead and you didn't talk to him for six months?

Oh here we go. You've stood there like a gormless beanpole for three episodes without so much as trying to intervene Barry and this is how you choose to comfort your wife. Not "yes, it's a bad thing and we can't know what led you to the choices future you made but in the here and now you know not to. We can learn from the future and make different choices, Iris."

PUNCH HIM IN THE THROAT, CAITLIN.

...I just meant for frightening Caitlin, but he actually wants to be punched?

Ooooh that was satisfying! Pretty sure her form was all wrong but can't argue with the results.

I love how fucking competent Iris is??? She knows how to use the entire STAR Labs tech arsenal. Although that Vibe device kinda defeats the whole purpose of breechers. It's like if they had a device lying around that could give just anyone super speed.

Not sure how Spencer thinks XS can kill Flash. One's a n00b and the other is veteran.

Wait, Baby Flash can do what now?

I don't like that they had to dumb Barry down so much to give Iris a chance to shine. A couple can both be competent at the same time! It's called being a power couple! Not one-half Idiot Ball couple!

So her phone got powers? Huh??

Ah yes. Dark Matter. More multi-purpose than Quantum.

Okay cool Ralph is getting his due. "Less right" LOL

"That puts meta-human powers in the hands of anyone" kinda like having a Breeching device, no?

We have meta-humans, meta-phones, meta-daggers (a tech dagger??) HOLY SHIT WHAT IF THE DARK MATTER HIT A HOME DEPOT?? How many people now have meta-vacuum cleaners? Meta-dishwashers?? Meta-can openers??

Oh God. No. Not this.

No. You do not lie and manipulate your kids to protect them. You do not do that. Love is no justification.

Don't Barry don't. Stop stop.

I can't watch this. FUCK YOU.

FOR GOD'S SAKE SHE'S CRYING AND SHAKING YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO COMFORT HER AND MAKE HER FEEL SAFE NOT STAND ON YOUR PILE OF BULLSHIT WITHOUT GIVING A FLYING FUCK.

No, cry all you want. I have no sympathy for either one of you callous asshats. You fucking destroyed that girl. Fuck Joe West for having raised you to think this way.

Yeah no Joe West is not who you want to go to in these matters, Nora.

I don't even care about Cicada anymore.

I should have known this show would never get any less gross.

Look, I was fully prepared to be sympathetic to Iris, traumatized, alone and single mother to a meta-child in a dangerous world to have made some bad decisions. And I do empathize. But I wasn't prepared for present-day Barry and Iris to justify and rationalize that shit. I thought they were going to say "That was a bad thing your Mom did. I'm sure she thought she was protecting you but she may have lost sight of how much it hurts to have your choices taken away from you. But I'm not that woman, Nora. I know I could never bear to see you hurting like this. I can still make better choices. Please give me a chance?"

Not "No I am your Mom and everything I do is right and good because I love you, I'm sorry if you feel hurt about it but them's the facts."

They did this when Barry and Joe lied to Iris all through S1, when Joe lied to Iris about her mother. This show is still all about apologia for lying and manipulation because LOVE AND GOOD INTENTIONS AND TO PROTECT YOU BY DISRESPECTING THE FUCK OUT OF YOU AND TAKING AWAY YOUR AGENCY.

Parental love is not a justification. Most abuse takes place at the hands of parents who really believe they're doing it for their children's protection. Please never say "your parents have every right to hurt you to protect you because they love you". Do you even care at all.

I'm not okay. Gonna take a break from fandom for a while. Can't deal with people taking Iris's side to protect their Westallen feels. Fuck both of them.

I'm posting this but please don't engage me to argue about it. Massively triggered.

[undertheinfluencerd]

Sk8 The Infinity: The 10 Best Characters | ScreenRant

Funimation’s Sk8 The Infinity is a lot like other sports anime. A gaggle of main characters centered around skateboarding but rather than a sanctioned event, “S” is more of an underground event.

RELATED: Sk8 The Infinity Cast & Character Guide

Reki, the underdog protagonist, brings together the group of skaters that will take down Adam, the rich and eccentric co-founder of “S.” Not in any particular order, the best characters from Sk8 are the ones who want to be their best for themselves and their friends, even if it takes some time to get there.

10 Ainosuke Shinbo

There has to be a villain and Ainosuke, known in the “S” world as Adam, is arguably the worst character but the best villain. And fans get a glimpse of his potential redemption by the end of season 1. By day, Ainosuke Shinbo is a politician that grew up at the manipulative words of his abusive aunties and with a butler’s son as his only friend against his father’s judgment.

When Tadashi, the aforementioned butler’s son, introduced young Ainosuke to skateboarding he fell in love, but in his adulthood, he used the sport to transform “S” into something more selfish. He wanted to be the best and stay the best, physically injuring those that might get in his way. And when Langa showed up giving him a run for his money, Adam still did not slow down his pursuit until Langa pulled him out of the “zone” and back into the fun of skating. While his future is undetermined, he pushes the other main characters to pursue skating with a competitive passion and learns a few lessons himself.

9 Reki Kyan

Reki is a second year in high school who spends his free time working at a skate shop, building skateboards, and competing in “S.” He qualifies as the optimistic underdog protagonist who loves the sport he participates in but doesn’t consider himself the best.

Reki is a selfless friend; he trains Langa and stands up for Miya, simply because he wants to see his friends safe and successful. His biggest fault becomes his sudden fear of falling behind and lack of self-worth after he sees how quickly Langa progresses in skateboarding. With the realization that he is in fact a strong skater and builds impressive boards unique to the rider, Reki regains his passion and admits to his lapse in judgment. His friends never leave his side as he maneuvers through his melancholy, proving he’s a good person, friend, and main character.

8 Langa Hasegawa

Originally a snowboarder from Canada, Langa Hasegawa didn’t think he would be interested in any extracurricular activities when he moved to Okinawa. His father died and he was the person who trained and snowboarded with Langa regularly. After he lost his father he never thought he would come back out of his shell or pursue another sport, until he met Reki.

RELATED: 5 Cutest Moments Between Langa & Reki in Sk8 The Infinity

Langa seems to be falling for Reki and in a conversation with his mom about liking someone he gets confused when she assumes it’s a girl. There hasn’t been any canon confirmation of their relationship but it is often speculated on for future Sk8 content. Aside from the future potential of their relationship, Langa realizes throughout the season that Reki makes skateboarding fun and when he skates without him it just feels like work he doesn’t want to be doing. He hopes to bring that same realization to his rival, Adam, aka Ainosuke.

7 Kojiro Nanjo

Kojiro Nanjo, usually referred to as Joe, is one of the founders of the underground competition, “S.” He skates more aggressively and because of his strong build he is able to use leg power to push off of walls and arm power to balance on his board in unconventional ways.

By day, he owns and operates an Italian restaurant, “Sia la luce,” before donning his nighttime skating persona for “S” events. He and Koaru Sakurayashiki grew up with Ainosuke and maintained their friendship even after Ainosuke/Adam went off the rails. Joe is protective; Even as he picks on his closest friend, Cherry, he is also the first one to run to his aid when Cherry is injured and hospitalized by Adam.

6 Kaoru Sakurayashiki

Kaoru, better known as Cherry Blossom, is a famous calligraphy artist by day and a masked, technologically advanced skater by night. He keeps the two personas separate as best he can, even scolding Reki when he calls him out by his skate name at a public event. Cherry is the third founder of “S” and uses his artificially intelligent skateboard, Carla, to calculate his moves.

Koaru comes across as a calm, polite, and intellectual individual and while this extends into his Cherry persona, he adds a little roughness and competitive nature when he’s skating. Despite his cold shoulder toward Joe and even some of the others, he is always ready and willing to assist his friends with advice.

5 Tadashi Kikuchi

Tadashi didn’t start as a significant character and revealed himself as “Snake” during an “S” event so that he could take down his boss, Ainosuke/Adam so that he would focus more on his politics rather than his skating. Tadashi was the butler’s son growing up in the Shindo household, eventually becoming Ainosuke’s right hand as they became adults. He blames himself for Ainosuke’s skating obsession and only later in the season realizes that it’s because it is his escape from the pressures of his family.

Tadashi skates with elegance as he dances through his moves and since he never competed before the final tournament, everyone saw his moves as something he derived from Adam when in actuality, he was the one who taught Adam/Ainosuke all of his moves. He is dedicated to his friend and maintains his skate identity for the sake of Ainosuke’s career.

4 Hiromi Higa

Better known as “Shadow,” Hiromi rarely goes by his real name unless it is in the flower shop he works at. At the florist, he is positive, determined to win over his boss, and usually surrounded by pastel colors to match his energy. When he’s skating he performs under a rock-and-roll clown persona with prankster moves to take out his opponents. His signature move is throwing “pop-it” fireworks to disorient his competition, probably being the reason he was introduced as an antagonist.

That role changes after he becomes a mentor to Reki, Langa, and Miya. As Hiromi and as Shadow, he is protective over his friends and often looked at as the “dad” simply because he’s older than the 3 young protagonists and is always the driver when they’re stuck in a bind, like needing last-minute rides to “S.”

3 Miya Chinen

Miya Chinen doesn’t have a skate persona because he simply is who he is and skates to get better each time. He is a middle schooler with dreams of becoming a member of Japan’s national team. Mastering the ollie in under two or three months is mostly unheard of, according to Reki, but Miya mastered it in only two weeks.

Due to his uncanny abilities, he lost friends as he won more awards and it wasn’t until Reki and Langa came into his life that he truly started to feel like he had a community again.

2 Shokichi Oka

Shokichi is a minor character but plays a large role in Reki’s life. He is the skate shop owner at “DOPE SKETCH” and Langa and Reki’s boss. He is accompanied by his fennec fox, Sketchy, who often bites Reki and Langa but snuggles close to Shokichi.

RELATED: Sk8 The Infinity Announces New Anime Project

Shokichi cares deeply about his employees and even forbids Reki from delivering skateboards after he sustains an injury from a race with Shadow. He also understands Reki because of their similar relationship to skating and not feeling like they are good enough; When he finds Reki beaten in an alleyway, he advises him that he only let himself get beat up because he “hated himself right now” but that wasn’t who he really is and he would find his way back to skating because he loved it.

1 Koyomi Kyan

Koyomi is Reki’s younger sister. She doesn’t have a large role but during her screen time, she shows her concern for Reki when he was sad and  even tries to encourage him, telling him how cool he looks when he’s skateboarding to try and bring his spirits up.

Unexpectedly but impressively, she tops off the happy ending of season 1 with a quick showoff on Reki’s skateboard. She reacts so casually by turning back to her family and throwing a peace sign.

NEXT: 10 Shows To Watch If You Enjoyed Skate The Infinity

The post Sk8 The Infinity: The 10 Best Characters | ScreenRant appeared first on undertheinfluencerd.net.

[nickrbockr]

Simon Vs Fan Fic: Chapter 16 - In Spite of Zeus Himself

Bram and I were back on the couch in the living room eating Ben & Jerry’s by the time Alice could no longer distract Mom and Dad from coming home. It was a little after midnight on a weeknight so after additional talking, hugging, and crying (from Mom), they retired to bed. We were still floating on the joy of tonight and Bram and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other.

Nora wanted to show Bram some new songs she taught herself on the guitar and, like a good soon-to-be-brother-in-law, he went to the garage with her after giving me a kiss on the cheek. Also, she probably wanted to get Bram and I separated from each other for their nauseated selves. It left me with Alice and she stole Bram’s spoon to partake in our Half Baked pint.

Tonight was such a blur that I’m replaying moments in my mind. Hearing Bram’s voice, taking us through our memories, the rings, the song, the proposal sex played over and over again. All of it was hitting me in waves of emotion and I how lucky I am to be surrounded the people in my life. I stare at Alice in thought until she noticed me from the corner of her eye and slowly turned her head.

“Thank you.” I said.

Her eyebrows furrow and she gave me a crazy look. “For what you weirdo?”

“For being a part of tonight, for helping, for making it special.”

“Of course Bub,” she said, stealing the ice cream pint for herself. “You’re my favorite brother, but when you marry Bram he’ll technically be a brother too, so…you’ll lose to him, sorry. We had a great run though, right?”

“Yeah, and I’ll gain a half-sister-in-law, just what I need.”

She spooned ice cream into her mouth with her typical Alice smirk. After swallowing she added, “But Bram…man he has an insanely detailed mind. I think Mom said he planned all of this like…years ago.”

“Sounds like Bram,” I reply, reflecting on the spectacle of tonight. My thoughts did travel back to earlier, about twelve hours ago when I still thought Bram had left and everyone was in the living room like a wake. There was one thing that now, since everything worked out in the best way, which was brought back to my attention. It was most likely nothing, but my curiosity couldn’t resist. I spooned at the ice cream until I got the courage to ask.

“Can I ask you one thing?”

“Sure.” Alice answered, looking at her phone.

“Can you tell me what you talked about outside the Waffle House now?”

Alice moved her phone from her eyes and rolled them as she laughed to herself. “Are you serious?”

“Yes!” I finally eat the played-with ice cream as Alice set her spoon down and turns to me on the couch.

“Well, since the cat’s out of the bag,” she started as she moved hair from her face. “Promise you won’t get emotional?”

“Never.”

                                                           *   *   *

                           Alice’s Perspective – Day Before the Proposal

I couldn’t help but follow Bub’s glance outside when Bram took his phone call. His eyes looked so conflicted as he empathy for anything Bram-related was astronomically high.  You know how twins can supposedly feel each other’s pain? I think Simon can actually feel when Bram is anxious and it makes him the same way. Finally, Bram dropped the phone from his ear and walked back inside. Phew. Now we can get back to-

“Hey, Alice, can I talk to you outside?”

Everybody at the table stared at me. Mom, Dad, even Nora…and I don’t even want to look at Simon and his dopy puppy dog eyes. He’s been so much more relaxed recently so when he actually looked a bit anxious, it worked on me now. I sip my soda and look up at Bram and he looked serious. Not serious in the ‘we have to all pretend we don’t know he’s proposing to Simon’ acting serious, but a serious ‘I need to talk to somebody and the one person he wants to talk to I can’t’ serious. Bram didn’t leave me much choice. Sorry, Si.

“Sure,” I replied as I stood, giving Bub ‘don’t hate me’ eyes. I know how his mind worked and it could be slippery slope. Luckily he still had some waffle left to distract himself. He played with his food when he was busy thinking. Dad does the same, Nora too. And me. Mom is the odd one out.

“Is everything okay?” Simon asked with a hint of concern and adjusted his glasses. Classic nervous Simon twitch.

“Yeah, yeah,” Bram said, putting on a smile, “it’s just a work related question that I don’t want to bore you all with. It won’t be long.”

Simon smiled back, but it wasn’t a full one as Bram already started for the door and Dad tilted his head as if saying ‘go after him.’ We walked outside and Bram didn’t go to far before he started talking.

“I hate lying to him, I hate that I can’t talk to him about this. Why didn’t I think this would as hard as it is?”

I came around him as his back was to the windows. He’s smart and didn’t want to give away his reaction (to Simon). I also tried to manage any reaction or Simon would be on me about everything we discussed right now.

A few months back, Bram and I talked about this exact same feeling he had. “Remember what I told you before? You’re not lying to him, you’re just avoiding being completely truthful in order to surprise him.” I looked behind Bram and can barely see into the restaurant, but I can tell everyone’s eyes are looking at us. They don’t call us the Suave Spiers.

“They’re all looking, huh?” Bram says with a hint of laughter.

“Yep,” I said as I waived. They all looked back at their meals quickly except Dad who waived back. “So what’s up with this ‘work related question?’ Is everything still going as planned?”

He looked down at the ground for a minute. Bram and I haven’t talked terribly much since they started dating due my travels with my job, but I knew him well enough that this issue wasn’t Simon related. And that it was weighing on him.

“Bram, is this actually a real work question?”

“The phone call,” he rasped out, “that was the station…my boss told me they’re promoting me. I’m going to be reporting, on air, at least one story a week.”

I tilt my head. “For real?”

Bram’s entire plan to surprise Simon hinged on the fact that he had to tell Simon today that he needed to go back early for a job promotion at work so that when he surprised Simon at school, he would have no inclination that Bram was setting something up for their anniversary. The inherent risk, however, was Simon could react poorly to his fib, but Bram trusts their relationship enough to know the end would justify the means in this instance.

“Bram! Oh my god, that’s great news!”

I under acted it so any passer-by would have assumed I was being sarcastic, but I meant it. But since Bram was facing me, his face betrayed the news he just told me. “What’s wrong?”

“They want me back in Baltimore…tomorrow.”

And there it is: the white lie turned into a reality. Bram’s eyes danced around in his head racing to find a solution he couldn’t catch.

“Tell them you can’t come until at least Wednesday.” I offer. Bram shook his head.

“This isn’t something I can just tell them to delay. They never do this apparently and my boss worked for months to get them to approve this so his reputation is on the line. If they need me there, they need me there.”

He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. I’ve never seen him upset and I don’t like that I know how that looks. I repressed the urge to put my hand on his shoulder or Simon would know something is up.

“I don’t know what to do, Alice. This job could give us such an enormous advantage when we move to New York and it would help if one of us had an immediate income.  Then the money Si and I are saving could be used for the wedding or whatever. But…”

“But?”

“If I leave…for real leave and no proposal happens…from either of us? This will absolutely crush Simon. And I don’t know if I could do that to him.”

Bram’s first thought was to my brother and that’s sweet. But what’s also sweet is to have a job.

“Well, I’m going to say what you’re obviously too nice to say, but I also don’t think it’s fair for you to put this opportunity on hold just for your relationship. And I know Simon would tell you the same thing if you told him.” Bram looked at me a bit hurt, but I think it’s because he was thinking that. “In fact, I think he’d not forgive himself if he knew you turned down a job just for him.”

I had to play devil’s advocate, even if I didn’t know if my choice was the right one.

“Look, I think I’m the last person you should take advice from in this situation because we both know I picked the job and that ended my relationship with Theo.”

“That’s exactly why I needed to talk to you.” Bram said as he began to pace. “I need to just…I wish I could just talk to him about this, you know?  Have you ever met someone that you know no matter what you ask them, their answer will actually impact you? Help you because you trust them so deeply?”

I tried to put the calmest look on my face. “No, I don’t. I didn’t have that with Theo and I think that’s why I’m where I am. But I’m not you and Simon. What worked for me won’t work for you.”

Bram needed a soundboard, but I think he already knows what he’s going to do.

“Bram, you’re smart guy so I’m going to shoot it to you straight: you have two choices. Choice one, you return the call and ask to come in a week. This may or may not work out with the job, but you’ll be engaged for sure. Or choice two, you leave tonight and go to the job because it will help you in the future, but you’ll get engaged at a different time.”

“But all of the planning, Nora and the band, the school...and our anniversaries...what about all that?”

I resist he urge to roll my eyes because of course Bram is thinking about others verses himself.

“I wish I could tell you that life gets easier, but it doesn’t. Becoming an adult only means you have to make choices that become harder and harder. All I can tell you is that you need to choose the path that you know you’ll be happier going down. For some people that’s their career, for others it’s the relationships they have.”

I stopped before saying this part because I hate being gushy. “But for you, Bram…aren’t you the one that told your dad that you would live in a box on the street as long as you and Si were together?”

He sniffled out a laugh and his eyes glistened as he shook his head up and down. I grabbed his shoulders and looked into his eyes.

“I think you already know what horse you want to bet on. And it’s not the wrong choice.”

Bram pulled me closer and laid a nice, big hug as I squeezed him back. Simon was right he is a good hugger.

                                                        *   *   *

Alice had the ice cream back and I was silent. She spooned some into her mouth and stared at me. “What? I told you no emotions.”

Cute Bram Greenfeld: Grammar nerd, soccer calves, sweetest human being. It wasn’t lost on me that Bram chose me over him, it made me a little sad. Which is exactly what Alice said would happen either way. I’m overwhelmingly happy that he chose me, but I hope he didn’t give up something great in exchange.

“I just…am happy he chose us,” I said to her, trying to sound as unemotional as possible.

“Me too, Bub, me too,” She replied with a smile. “So do you know if he still has the job?”

“I think so…he told me he starts next week.”

“Then it’s a win-win!” Alice replied finishing the ice cream and slammed it on the table, victorious. Bram walked into the room with Nora. “How was the jam session?”

“It was awesome,” Bram responded as he and Nora high-five. “She keeps getting better and better.”

“Thanks, Bram. But I gotta go to school tomorrow and I still haven’t done my homework yet thanks to you, Simon.” Nora accused.

“I appreciate you and your talent!” I shouted at her as she walked upstairs.

“I think that’s my cue to leave too,” Alice started. “Plus I finished the ice cream, sorry.”

“You can stay down with us, I want to see as much of you as I can before I leave,” I reply.

“Nah…I can feel the sexual tension even though I’m sure you both…uhm…Wow, now is awkward and I’m just going to leave.”

Alice hugged Bram and went upstairs too. Bram jumped on the couch and laid on me as Netflix played. He was into the show, but it was more of white noise to me as I thought about how lucky I am.  I stroked his head with my fingers as he laid on my thigh with a relaxed smile on his face.

“B?”

“Yeah?” He said softly.

“I want you to know that I’d always pick us first too.”

Bram’s smile grew and he shook his head. “You finally made Alice tell you, huh?” He knew me so well. He leaned up off my thigh and grabbed my hand.

“Simon, you’re always the person I’m going to pick. What’s the point of having a good job if you have no one to spoil when you come home? Besides, they were totally okay with it, I was just worried to ask for one measly week. The whole point of marriage is compromise right? Well I don’t want to compromise when it comes to us, ever.”

I leaned over and kissed him and his Bram SmileTM appeared.

“I love you and I’ll never compromise on us either. Sounds like we have a start to our wedding vows! Speaking of which, you have raised the bar tremendously on the proposal, how are we going to make the wedding even better?”

“We’ll figure out a way,” Bram said as he kissed my lips. “I’m excited to plan this with you this time. You have no idea how hard it was to listen to everyone’s suggestions and resist the urge to just talk to you about it. But then you wouldn’t have been as surprised and all the faces you made tonight I want to remember forever.”

I kissed him because I couldn’t help myself. I smiled a large Bram SmileTM and he reciprocated.

                                                            *   *   *

                                    Bram’s Perspective – The Next Day

Simon and I woke up the next morning in each other’s arms. It was a beautiful realization to know that I will get to do this for the rest of our lives after this final semester of college. Light poured in through his window as rose petals still littered the bed and his record player was still spinning, giving off hisses and pops. His leg hung out from the covers because he sometimes gets too hot during the night and he moved it onto my legs. He looked up to me with his gorgeous eyes and batted his eyelashes. I couldn’t resist smiling and planted a kiss on his forehead.

We got dressed because we still had all day Tuesday before Simon had planned to be back at Yale. I had a surprise for Simon that involved Abby and Nick and they were coming over before we all went back to school to talk some wedding logistics. Do you think my planning stopped at the proposal and I didn’t also start to plan the wedding? Was I over-confident Simon would say yes? Maybe.

Simon and I made our way down to the kitchen where he started to make us breakfast. He had become quite the chef since he left high school because he wanted to impress his boyfriend who lived in a different city when he could visit with ornate and delicious dinners. It worked.

“Oh, I forgot to add to the proposal recreation that I was planning on cooking us a great dinner here, then found an excuse to go up to my room where everything would have unfolded as it did last night.”

He blushed and adjusted his glasses. Sweet Simon Spier, always thinking of everything. Mostly, Simon gave me credit for thinking of everything, but when it comes to the little details that mean a lot, he remembers those. That, to me, is thinking of everything. I twisted my mouth to the side because that was the one thing I didn’t add into my plan, but Nick told me they had food at the bar before Simon came to Creekwood.

“Don’t worry, B. I absolutely loved last night! I can make you the dinner tonight instead.”

He came around to me at the island and laid four kisses on me before running back to check on the eggs. Crackling bacon and cheesy eggs in the morning is something I could get used to. Leah always told me their breakfast routines since they lived together and it made me jealous. But now, I’ll be Simon’s roommate and we’ll get to share the cooking fun.

We make quick work of Simon’s delicious breakfast and then I text Nick to come over. . .. … Good! Got some good work done on it this semester turned it into my senior thesis

                                   Okay, but be cool, remember Simon doesn’t know.

. .. … Abraham, I am appalled. I’m the coolest of cucumbers Be over soon

Abby stayed at Nick’s so they were only about two minutes away. I told Simon to sit as I cleaned the dishes since he cooked. It only worked for about three seconds before he found himself hugging me from behind and planted kisses on my neck and cheeks.

The doorbell rang. Simon’s ears perked up as he ran to the door like a puppy to answer it.

“Abby!” He yelled. I finished up with the dishes and walked in the hallway to find Simon still deep in an Abby hug. Nick wasn’t far behind and had his laptop and Abby’s leather portfolio that her mother gave her two Christmases ago.

“You guys, what are you still doing here? Don’t you have to be back in New York?”

“Not until tomorrow like you, Si,” Nick said as they hugged. “There’s one more thing your boy concocted from us.”

My face relaxed into ‘really?’ expression as Nick laughed.

“I’m sorry, Bram, that’s as cool as I could be.”

Simon faced me with overwhelming love in his eyes. “B, what did you do now?!”

Abby grabbed Simon’s hand. “Let me show you,” she said as they found their way into the living room. We sat down and Simon pulled the coffee table closer as Nick handed Abby her portfolio. She sat in the middle between Simon and I.

“So, Simon, we didn’t play the biggest roles last night because we’ve been working on this since like September. And since I’m much more cool than Nick, I’ll just show you what I’m working on.” She opens the portfolio and lying there are sheets upon sheets of concept art for various suit designs.

Simon’s eyes widened and he placed his hand on the back of his neck like he always did. He was so cute (but never tried to be) and his lingering stare was always there.

“Abby, you…you’re designing our suits?”

“And making them as well!”

I grabbed Simon’s hand behind Abby and he squeezed back. It was his ‘we have the greatest friends’ hand squeeze he usually gives. Simon looked into Abby’s eyes and couldn’t stop shaking his head in disbelief.

“Abby that is the best…best gift I could ask for.”

“Hey!” Nick shouted. We all laughed. Abby took attention back to her portfolio on the table as Nick walked to the kitchen to grab us a couple bottles of ice coffee (two with milk for me and Abby).

“Okay, so here are all of the ideas I have, do you want to look at all of them or my favorites?”

I look at Simon. “What do you think, Si?”

I know this was literally the first thing we were doing for our wedding as a couple, but my heartbeat grew faster holding my fiancé’s hand while planning our wedding. Simon looked at me for non-verbal permission to give his answer, to which I stared back at him and raised my eyebrow. That was me telling him it’s his choice.

“I trust you, Abbs,” Simon replied.

“Good!” Abby puts all but two sheets away. “So this first one is a traditional suit combination, Bram’s being robin’s egg blue, or what I like to call baby blue, Simon’s being the navy blue.”

The first drawing had a brown faceless man in a baby blue suit with matching pants and a thin black tie and a white faceless man in a navy blue suit with matching pants and a thin black tie as well. I had a navy blue pocket square and white buttons whereas Simon sported a baby blue pocket square and navy blue buttons. Below the main suit drawings were alternate tie colors.

“I’m sorry,” Abby started. “When you asked me to design these, I could only think of you two in blue…because…well you know. Is that tacky?”

“Not one bit,” I reply, smiling wide.

“They’re amazing.” Simon agreed. “You couldn’t have picked better colors.”

After asking questions and reviewing the design in greater detail, Abby switched the sheets of paper.

“The other concept is a bit more modern and I switched the colors between you two.”

The black faceless man wore a fitted navy blue suit with a green tie and an orange pocket square, matching pants, and dark brown shoes.

“I wanted to bring your email as much as I could non verbally bluegreen118.” Abby commented, winking at me.

The white faceless man had a fitted baby blue suit with a yellow tie and a pink pocket square with matching pants and lighter brown shoes.

I imagined both of us at the altar in these suits and it made me smile so wide. I saw the rest of the wedding materialize around these suits with who would officiate, the flowers we’d use on the ends of the rows of chairs, the complimentary suits of all of our Best People. Abby noticed.

“Looks like you like option two.” She said with some pride.

“I love them,” Simon responded for us. “Bram is going to look so cute in his navy blue suit.”

Simon looked at me and it seems we both knew which suits we wanted.

“Option two?” He asked moving his hair out of his face.

“Option two,” I replied nodding to Simon as I gave him a kiss across Abby’s lap.

“Great! Now comes the fun part,” Abby said excitedly pushing through our kiss and pulled out a tape measure. “It’s measuring time!”

Abby started with Simon and dragged him off the couch. She put on music and started taking measurements and recorded them on a detailed sheet as Lana Del Rey’s ‘Love’ played throughout the house.

You get ready, you get all dressed up To go nowhere in particular  Back to work or the coffee shop  Doesn't matter 'cause it's enough  To be young and in love

Sipping on her ice coffee, Abby joked with Simon as she started to measure his inseam and he stood, legs spread. Nick made a joke about Abby looking like the mice from Cinderella cause she worked so fast and moved around Simon so quickly. Simon and Abby started to sway to her gloomy, lethargic beat and joined in the vocals.

While this went on, Nick and I sat on the couch observing the crazy fun people we were in love with. He whispered to me while Simon and Abby laughed and sang.

“Do you want Si to know about the song? I thought we were supposed to meet with just you?”

No more secrets from Simon. I want everything to be up front and honest about us from now on. Ooh, another good line for my vows!

“Change of plans,” I reply as I grasp his shoulder. “I don’t want to keep Simon in the dark. We’re a unit now.”

Nick smiled and gave me an ear bud. “Want to hear what it sounds like so far?”

I took the bud and put it in my ear as I heard a hauntingly beautiful melody Nick composed for our wedding. Abby and Simon were almost finished measuring as Nick’s song played on and all I could imagine is a moment like this happening on our wedding day, us walking down the aisle to a song our friends made for us because they know us so well. It made me a little emotional as I squeezed the bridge of my nose and turn to Nick.

“Nick, this is so good.”

“Yeah?” He said, eager for feedback.

“Yeah. You captured…if Simon and I were a song, this would be it.”

“Thanks, man. That means a lot.”

“Your turn Bram!” Abby yells.

                                                        *   *   *

                           Nora’s Perspective – Thanksgiving Senior Year

“The Gauge Rig is pretty.” Ruth shouts at Elijah. Her and her young, big, kindergarten mouth.

“Gauge Rig?” Simon asked.

Oh no, is he going to get that Ruth meant to say ‘The engagement ring is pretty?’ But since she’s a five year old she doesn’t pronounce anything right?

Dad showed us the gold rings he made in the garage earlier that day while Simon picked up Bram and his parents. I didn’t think they were that cool, they looked just like plain wedding rings. There weren’t even diamonds.  He told us he wasn’t done yet, but let’s face it guy’s rings are so boring so how much cooler could they get?

Let’s see if Simon gets it. Ten bucks he doesn’t. Bram’s face is not one of certainty like mine as his eyes are wide and he looked to me. I discretely shook my head ‘no’ and it made Bram kind of smile. I get why Simon likes his smile now.

“You already taking her to the ocean?” I lift my eyebrow at Bram to give him some sense of calm. No surprise was ruined but then I glare at Simon because how the hell would he know a fishing term?

Bram isn’t supposed to know that Simon’s meeting secretly with his parents but Simon is almost leading him to that conclusion. A child ruining a surprise is different than a grown-ass man because he’s fumbling around with his words. Bram is not as stupid as Simon and luckily he knew Simon met with his dad already. God Simon is bad at this.

“Look at your mister fisherman,” Bram said to him and shot a wink at me.

Ugh. Alice is right these two are nauseating.

Simon went into the living room with Bram’s parents as we stayed in the kitchen, probably thinking he needed to come up with some damage control, but he would be mistaken. I stared at him, speaking with Bram’s parents about almost blowing it. What a ridiculous man.

“Can you imagine if Ruth would have given away the surprise?” Mom said to Bram.

“I know, whew! Close call.” Bram said before looking at me and he winked again. “Thanks for keeping me cool.”

Okay, maybe it’s okay if Bram is nauseating. Him and Simon get to be nauseating as long as they’re together.

                                                          *   *   *

                                      Simon’s Perspective – Present

Nick and Abby left with more confidence than when they entered. Everything was amazing and they had a new energy and pep in their step. The song was absolutely amazing and I cannot wait for Abby to finish the suits, they’re going to look great!

We both walked back to the living room as I laid on the couch. Bram laid in front of me as I put my leg on him. I loved being the big spoon. We talked about random things as white noise Netflix played. I kept asking him questions about his classes this semester and how this coming semester was way less work so he’ll even have more time to work at the station and visit each other. I’m so glad this was the last time we needed to be relationship camels; seeing each other and storing love in humps on our back for the dry, long semesters.

That made me think back to our last night together this year and something crossed my mind.

“Bram, the night before you left for college, when we didn’t use a condom…did you know then that I wanted to marry you?”

He smiled and nodded his head, his coffee eyes looking deep into mine and stirring my heart. “Are you mad?”

I gave him a crazy look. “No way…it just…I know we didn’t use a condom and it felt different and blah, blah, blah, but it also felt different in like…in an emotional way…and now I know why.”

Bram’s eyes continued to stir me and I resigned to the floating feeling he gave me. “It’s when I knew it was us forever. I mean, I never doubted it, but knowing at that point we both wanted only each other…I felt an even deeper connection to you than I felt before…and I didn’t think that was possible, but I feel even deeper in love with you. I know you felt it too.”

I kissed Bram all over his face and we got back to laying on each other. Of course I felt it, it was almost a transcendent connection we created that night. Bram started talking about wedding logistics while Netflix white noise continued in the background. We discussed possible locations when one very important part of us getting married popped into my head.

“B, how do you feel about the last name thing?”

He turned around on the couch so we faced each other and he kissed me gently and nuzzled my neck.

“I don’t know, but I’m so glad I can talk to you about it now. I’ve been thinking about this since…” Bram trailed off into a smile.

“Since freshman year of high school?” I respond jokingly, but it made Bram blush meaning there was some truth to it. “Have you seriously thought about it since freshman year?!” Bram buried his head in my shirt as I laughed. “That is honestly so cute!”

“No it’s no, I’m a weirdo!” He yelled into my shirt.

“Never,” I reply, kissing his head.

“It’s your fault for looking so cute during lunch on our first day of high school. I haven’t been the same since.”

Bram just knows what to say. Always. No wonder he’s going to be a kick ass journalist.

“I have an idea that will help me decide as I’m sure you have your choice already picked out?”

“Maybe,” Bram replied, holding out the ‘a’ with a smile to follow.

I laughed as I grabbed come computer paper and a sharpie as I wrote out all the possible name choices so I could see how our names would look and sound to see which rolled off the tongue the best:

 Simon Spier                          Simon Spier-Greenfeld                       Simon Greenfeld-Spier                       Simon Greenfeld

 Abraham Spier                     Abraham Spier-Greenfeld                 Abraham Greenfeld-Spier                 Abraham Greenfeld

I said them all out loud once before Bram took the marker from me and crossed out four choices out immediately.

Simon Spier                            Simon Spier-Greenfeld                       Simon Greenfeld-Spier                       Simon Greenfeld

Abraham Spier                       Abraham Spier-Greenfeld                 Abraham Greenfeld-Spier                Abraham Greenfeld

I smiled at Bram and he blushed again. Such a cute boy. Bram went to speak but I kissed him instead and added some tongue and lip biting, knowing it would leave him speechless for a few seconds so I could tell him my thoughts before he told me his.

“B…for me, this marriage is about us joining together to become one, so I don’t want either of us to have to take the other’s last name or lose our original one. I agree with you.”

Bram smiled. “I’m glad we’re on the same wavelength.”

It’s strange, I didn’t even think about the last name thing before today. I barely thought I would be able to find anyone to marry let alone it become an issue. But when I saw our names spelled out like this, it felt right that both of our last names were represented because it defined so much of who we were when we met, who we are, and who we will become.

The paper and I stared at each other while I mulled over the names in my mind. Bram enjoyed staring at me while I decided, commenting that I looked cute when I was thinking critically (apparently I don’t do it a lot). After a few minutes, I made my decision. The sharpie smell filled the air as I circled it multiple times to show Bram I was serious. He got teary eyed and looked away from me.

“What is it?!” I say, with compassion in my voice as I hug him.

“It’s the same one I picked…Simon, I’ve never met someone I’ve been so immediately in tandem with, who just…we just understand each other. Like, I knew you’d pick the same one I did.”

“I’m your other half, Bram…we found each other, in spite of Zeus himself!”

Bram laughed and he kissed me as he got on top of me and leaned me back onto the couch, knowing my parents wouldn’t be home till the evening and no other people were expected.