#and going to lead to a breakdown eventually

[thebluestbluewords]

re-reading Mal’s Spellbook

Evie should be meaner, actually??? But also, a) Jay has totally fine handwriting in the spellbook, the font they chose for his writing is way more legible than the one they chose for Mal, and b) is this what the kids are mean about these days???

[arolesbianism]

I wish So Bad that I could confidently recommend lob corp and library of ruina to people because they're both genuinely rly good games and I also need ppl I know to understand the insanity that is project moon but like godddd they are a fucking Investment. Both in time and in brainpower. I generally think ppl exaggerate how hard lob corp is but it's certainly not easy and when it does get hard it gets HARD. Also it literally requires at least one day 1 reset (basically a new game+) to fully beat the game and at this point I've done at least 10. And for lor I'm not nearly as far in and I'm just scratching the surface of the real game but it's a beast of its own. Also 100+ hours and also hard as hell. Like this game does not fuck around with its difficulty spikes it will make you use your brain and it will give you a damn headache in the process. It's also one of my favorite card combat games I've ever played with mechanics that just so beautifully complement each other to create a dynamic and interesting battle system that gives it a completely different vibe and feeling than any other deck builder games I've played to the point where it almost feels wrong to me to categorize them together. But also I am not even slightly joking abt the headache thing every time I play this damn game I close it with a horrible headache and have to take a multi day break. I think everyone should experience this with me <3

[jinxed-sinner]

this is made clear by how i write him in fanfiction but i am very much of the opinion that Alastor still has some semblance of humanity. i genuinely think he experiences guilt and sympathy and the like, he just hates that he does (in part because of how i headcanon his view of demons in life) so he does his best to hide anything possibly perceived as "humanity"

[bumblegremlin]

I watched the first few episodes of yellowjackets S3 but I gotta say they lost me this season. I can't tell if it jumped the shark, but subverting expectations doesn't land well when I feel like they subverted the expectations of what I WANTED to see.

I was hoping to see the show get to the point that was teased at the beginning of episode 1, and that it would reflect the real situation, and the story would be about how they got there.

Maybe it's because I've been watching through my dash mostly, but I feel like I didn't get the follow through of the story I was waiting to see.

[0rionz-belt]

update to last night's post, im listening to some songs from literally like 2 years later from that time and not only do i have all of those bittersweet memories flooding back, but my muscle memory for singing the lyrics of these is still semi-intact. genuinely wanting to cry bc that makes me happy.

[vincinnamontoast]

𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚 CAITVI X READER SFW & NSFW HCS 𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚

word count: 3.4k

contains: my random unorganized caitvi x reader hcs. lowercase intended, lightly proofread, nsfw towards the end. sorry this took me forever (</3)

❥ caitlyn is so insistent on you and vi quitting your jobs and just being her cute little housewives

❥ caitlyn keeps track of all of your periods, always making sure you have enough snacks and pads/tampons.

❥ all of you get a bit snippy with each other during your periods—because, unfortunately, they’ve synced up. But no matter how catty things get, you’re always there to take care of each other.

❥ vi loves to cook and caitlyn likes to clean up after. they’ll ask you to do little things like cut the carrots while you all yap

❥ caitlyn sleeps pretty early while you and vi stay up running around together. you try to be quiet for her but you and vi have each other cackling every 5 seconds. eventually you both are kicked out of the bedroom and have to continue your giggly shenanigans in the living room

❥ vi is the most physically affectionate, always wrapping an arm around you or caitlyn, pulling you into her lap, or resting her chin on your shoulder. caitlyn shows her affection in subtle ways—brushing your hair out of your face, fixing vi’s collar absentmindedly, always making sure you’re both taken care of.

❥ they both gang up on you when you’re flustered. If you blush, you’re done for.

❥ if you get cold at night, caitlyn will tuck an extra blanket around you, and vi will just throw herself on top of you like a human furnace.

❥ vi insists on braiding caitlyn’s hair but gets distracted halfway through and just leaves it half-done. caitlyn tries to act like she doesn’t care, but she secretly waits for you to fix it.

❥ caitlyn makes vi fancy cocktails and tea, even though she always complains it’s too strong or not strong enough. but vi always drinks it anyway.

❥ vi hates to admit it but she can’t sleep without either of you and a little night light in the corner (my baby girl ugh)

❥ vi tends to leave her boots and gauntlets lying around. you and caitlyn have tripped over them too many times. And unfortunately for you and caitlyn, vi loves her punishments

❥ vi fidgets constantly. If she’s not cracking her knuckles, she’s bouncing her knee or clicking a pen until caitlyn snatches it away.

❥ vi is always teasing you when she realizes something makes you flustered. she will never let it go.

❥ caitlyn tends to overthink everything. vi and you have to stop her from spiraling into a “logical” breakdown over simple things.

❥ caitlyn gets very particular about how things are arranged—her tea set, books, weapons. vi purposely moves things just to annoy her, which leads to you getting onto vi and caitlyn whining/fussing.

❥ caitlyn is secretly a perfectionist. If she cooks for you, she’ll throw out an entire batch if it doesn’t look right, even if it tastes fine.

❥ vi loves to bake and will randomly come back after a couple hours with a bunch of cookies and pastries for you all to share with a big smile on her face

❥ vi and caitlyn tend to stare at you a lot. caitlyn doesn’t do it nearly as much as vi does, but they are both mutually obsessed.

❥ vi is always humming or singing some song softly when she does like literally anything around the house. she loves when you follow her around to hear it (bc yes this bitch can sing.)

❥ they’re both incredibly protective—sometimes to an intense degree. It’s never their intention to be overbearing, but after everything they’ve lost, losing each other would be unbearable. they’re not willing to take that risk.

❥ vi plays with your hair all the time, whether it’s running her fingers through it or twirling a strand absentmindedly.

❥ vi games a lot and begs you to play with her. If you don’t, she’ll insist you and caitlyn are close. caitlyn will be reading or scrolling through her pinterest, while playing with your hair. (she can be on that app forever.) listening to vi yell and rage quit is just a part of your everyday life.

❥ If you or caitlyn are standing next to vi, she’ll always have a hand on you—your waist, your hip, the back of your neck. It’s like a grounding thing for her. physical touch is a big need of hers.

❥ vi struggles with separation anxiety, though she does her best to hide it and refuses to admit it. still, when you or caitlyn are busy or absent, she catches herself fidgeting—twitching her fingers, bouncing her leg, and blinking back tears she doesn’t want to shed.

❥ vi deliberately calls you the most ridiculous pet names just to see your reaction. “hey, sugar lips.” “vi, please.” she’s shameless, fully aware of how cringe she is—and she loves every second of it.

❥ vi is always trying to sneak kisses when you’re distracted.

❥ caitlyn brings you and vi tea in the mornings, adjusting it exactly how you like it.

❥ vi is better at comforting through actions, hugging, cooking, kissing, cleaning, and caitlyn is better with her words. they will give you both but they are better in certain areas in their own ways.

❥ the advice caitlyn gives is always the best, she loves hearing you rant and complain. vi does too, but she spaces out sometimes.

❥ caitlyn writes little notes for you both, usually sweet but sometimes sarcastic. (“vi, if you leave your boots in the hallway one more time…”) she’ll pack you both lunches with cute little sticky notes.

❥ caitlyn gets really quiet when she’s worried, but she’ll hover around you and vi until you ask what’s wrong.

❥ you and vi secretly love getting scolded by caitlyn.

❥ caitlyn likes to have some space after an argument; vi does not. caitlyn needs time to breathe and collect herself—it never takes too long, but vi wants things fixed immediately. she always caves first, apologizing even when it’s not her fault. and every time, it breaks both of your hearts.

❥ caitlyn will brush her fingers over your knuckles or the inside of your wrist absentmindedly, like she’s memorizing the feeling.

❥ vi tends to lean against walls, arms crossed, looking effortlessly cool—but if you or caitlyn walk by, she immediately straightens up like a puppy looking for attention.

❥ caitlyn carries herself with elegance, but when she’s comfortable, she relaxes—crosses her legs lazily, rests her head on your shoulder, lets herself just be.

❥ vi cannot keep her mouth shut or hide her expressions. baby is naturally expressive, so even when she insists she’s not upset, it’s obvious—the way she pouts, puffs her cheeks, and huffs under her breath gives her away every time.

❥ vi will spam call and triple or more text, while caitlyn will call or text twice at most to get your attention. but you can bet your ass you’ll be getting a mini lecture about not picking up her calls. you know something is wrong if you have more than 3 missed calls from her.

❥ they’re both highly observant, picking up on even the smallest details of your mannerisms.

❥ caitlyn has a very subtle smirk when she’s amused, and you and vi live to make it appear.

❥ caitlyn always bites her lip when she’s thinking, while vi taps her fingers against whatever surface is nearby.

❥ vi would absolutely fight anyone who looks at you wrong. caitlyn, meanwhile, will just ruin them socially. a terrifying duo truly.

❥ vi carries you if you’re tired. no hesitation. “c’mon, baby, you’re walking too slow.” she is a bit of a fast walker.

❥ vi would take a punch for you without thinking. caitlyn would make sure you never get into that situation in the first place.

❥ vi lives to make you laugh. she gets so excited to hear you cackle and giggle. and she knows she’s funny asf too.

❥ late nights when caitlyn has work in the morning (vi does too, but she loves staying up), you and vi roll into each other—kissing, giggling, playing games. you beg caitlyn to stay up, but once it hits 11 PM, she struggles to keep her eyes open.

❥ caitlyn sleeps early and wakes up early. vi, on the other hand, stays up late but still manages to wake up early—a leftover habit from prison. but if caitlyn doesn’t get her full eight hours, you can expect her to be moody and pouty all day.

❥ If you have a bad day, caitlyn will make you tea and quietly listen while vi pulls you into her arms and presses little kisses to your hair until you feel better.

❥ vi loves making caitlyn laugh—really laugh. It’s rare, but when it happens, she looks at caitlyn like she just won the lottery.

❥ caitlyn lets vi be reckless only to a point—then she pulls rank. “vi, no.” vi groans but listens.

❥ vi hates dressing up, but if you or caitlyn ask nicely? yeah, she’ll do it. she’ll grumble the whole time, but she’ll do it.

❥ vi walks on the outside of the sidewalk, keeps an arm around your waist in crowds, subtly but firmly making sure you’re safe at all times.

❥ caitlyn is more of a silent protector. she notices things before they become threats, watches your surroundings like a hawk, and is always one step ahead.

❥ vi has a terrible habit of pulling you onto her lap, no matter where you are. she’ll just grab your waist and plop you down.

❥ caitlyn is more likely to respect your privacy, but if you’re heading to the bathroom, expect vi to be right on your tail—watching you pee. deadass.

❥ vi loves hearing you talk about things you’re passionate about. even if she doesn’t understand half of it, she just grins and watches you like you hung the stars.

❥ vi always finds the stupidest excuses to get your attention. “baby, come here.” “what is it?” “…nothing, just missed you.”

❥ vi is obsessed with forehead kisses, especially when she’s feeling soft. It’s her way of saying, I love you without words. melts when you kiss and squish her cheeks.

❥ she lovesss being babied, which you and caitlyn love doing.

❥ If you’re wearing something cute or whatever? vi wolf-whistles and dramatically fans herself. caitlyn groans in the background. “vi, please.” caitlyn comes behind you to kiss below your ear “mmm so beautiful, sweetheart.”

❥ vi sulks when she’s sick and will only take medicine if you or caitlyn give it to her. “I’ll take it if you kiss me after.” caitlyn is the best caregiver when the both of you are sick, you will feel better in no time.

❥ If vi is feeling needy, she’ll flop down on top of you with zero warning. “what are you doing?” “dunno. just love you.” because you will give her attention. she is very puppy.

❥ caitlyn tucks your hair behind your ear so gently it makes your heart ache. she does it every time—even if it wasn’t in your face.

❥ If you fall asleep somewhere uncomfortable, caitlyn will immediately move to fix it. you wake up to a pillow under your head, a blanket over you, and buried in caitlyn’s arms.

❥ caitlyn is very particular about your tea (as well as vi’s. she knows how you both like it). If she makes it, it’s perfect. If vi makes it? caitlyn tastes it, sighs, and subtly replaces it with a better cup. vi will pout about this. It’s inevitable.

❥ caitlyn keeps an eye out for little things you might need. you offhandedly mentioned needing more hair ties? she has extras in her pocket the next day.

❥ caitlyn is secretly so touch-starved. If you initiate affection, she melts. put your arms around her waist? kiss her temple? she gets so soft.

❥ caitlyn fixes vi’s bandages with the most exasperated look, but you can see the tenderness in her hands. “honestly, violet, do you even try to be careful?”

❥ vi leans against caitlyn or you dramatically whenever she’s bored. you both just sigh and let it happen. she gets bored pretty easy.

❥ vi hyperfixates hard—if she wants something, she needs it now. caitlyn, on the other hand, is patient and willing to wait.

❥ they both compete to see who can make you blush more.

❥ the kisses you all share before parting for work, events, or anything else are downright sickening—it takes forever to break free from their hold.

"when will you be home?"

"do we need to pick you up?"

"you have your location on? I asked you not to turn it off."

"please be home before dinner."

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

NSFW:

❥ caitlyn and vi are lowkey kinky and into some wild shit—behind closed doors, it’s a whole different story.

❥ vi is a big moaner—whimpering, gasping, completely unashamed. caitlyn, on the other hand, has a softer moan but lets out more groans and grunts.

❥ both of them are very vocal and talkative during sex—whispering, teasing, praising, and never letting a moment go by in silence.

❥ this is so random but vi decides she wants to go zip-lining for her birthday, and the way they both effortlessly slip on, adjust, and tighten their waist harnesses has your legs squeezing together. they notice. grinning at each other before tightening your own harness, vi leans in, voice teasing—"you like that, pretty girl?"

❥ vi is best with her mouth and fingers, but she’s a god with the strap regardless—just a little more reckless, rough, completely lost in it. caitlyn, on the other hand, is all precision, focused on hitting every spot and angle with near-perfect accuracy.

❥ vi gets so into making you squirm. she’ll kiss you deep and then pull away just as you’re chasing after her lips.

❥ caitlyn loves whispering in your ear—low, sultry, making promises that send a shiver down your spine. “you’re being so good for me, love.”

❥ vi lives for praise during sex. tell her how good she’s making you feel, moan her name like it’s the only word you know, and she’ll melt—eyes hazy, lips parted, desperate to hear more. She craves it, thrives on it, and if you whimper out a “just like that, baby” or a breathless “you’re so good to me,” she’ll only go harder, more determined to pull every sound from your lips.

❥ vi has a thing for spit—messy, unrestrained, completely shameless. she loves the way it glistens on your lips after a kiss, the way it drips down your chin when she pulls away just to admire you. and when she presses two fingers against your tongue, eyes dark and teasing, voice thick with want—"c'mon, pretty girl, let me see,"—you don’t even hesitate.

❥ vi is a mess between you both—panting, whining, completely unraveling. caitlyn keeps her steady, fucking into her with slow, precise thrusts, while you cradle her face, kissing her deep, swallowing every gasp and moan. she tries to keep up, tries to kiss you back, but she’s losing herself fast—her body trembling, fingers digging into your waist as she chokes out a desperate, “fuck, baby—” before her words melt into nothing but needy whimpers.

❥ you never stand a chance against them. vi is relentless, all hands and teasing remarks, while caitlyn makes sure you’re completely overwhelmed.

❥ caitlyn and vi love ganging up on you. one whispering filth into your ear while the other makes sure you feel every word.

❥ vi is all passion and need, caitlyn is slow and deliberate.

❥ vi bites. hard. jawline, neck, thighs—she wants to leave marks, wants people to see them and know you’re hers.

❥ vi has a filthy mouth. whispering in your ear, voice low and husky, telling you exactly what she’s going to do to you.

❥ If you’re in public, vi will lean in, press her lips just below your ear, and murmur something filthy—acting completely normal while you try to keep your composure.

❥ caitlyn has a thing for control. she’ll make you wait, make you beg, smirking as she keeps her touch just out of reach. “patience, love. I’ll give you what you need—when I decide you deserve it.”

❥ vi loves whispering dirty things in caitlyn’s ear while she is teasing you—grinning as caitlyn’s composure finally cracks.

❥ If vi is feeling extra possessive, she’ll wrap an arm around your waist, nipping at your neck while caitlyn smirks and watches. “damn, cupcake, she looks so pretty like this, huh?”

❥ the moment vi realizes she actually loves you taking control, she’s gone—gripping your hips, looking up at you with blown pupils, breathing all heavy. scratching at your back and whimpering in your ear. to see her undone is heavenly.

❥ she loves when you grab her by the jaw, forcing her to look at you while you shove your fingers inside her, curling them into her. If you’re feeling mean, you can even whisper, “what’s wrong, vi? thought you were tough?” and watch her whimper.

❥ eye contact is their thing during sex—intense, unwavering, drowning you in it. Vi’s is raw, desperate, like she’s trying to etch the sight of you into her memory, needing to see every reaction. caitlyn’s is calculated, focused, like she’s studying every twitch, every shiver, just to use it against you. It’s so intimate it makes your chest ache, so intimidating it has you squirming, but they don’t let you look away. not for a second.

❥ vi is loud. she groans, pants, grits her teeth like she’s trying to hold back, but the second you really start working her up? she loses it.

❥ If you drag your nails down her abs, tracing every ridge of her muscles, she shudders—grabbing at your thighs, fingers twitching like she doesn’t know whether to fight back or let you have your way.

❥ pull vi’s hair. grab her by the roots, tug her head back, and she moans—not even trying to hide how much she likes it.

❥ she’s obsessed with your confidence. If you lean in, teasing against her lips, voice all sultry, “you’re so desperate, vi,” she growls—trying to flip the script, but her grip is weak, and you’re already pinning her back down.

❥ if you take your time, dragging things out, teasing her just enough to make her beg? she hates it—but she’s also so into it. “please, baby, don’t be mean—need you, fuck.”

❥ caitlyn is a quiet mess when she’s being topped—breath hitching, lips parting, biting her lip like she’s trying to hold back. It’s absolutely gorgeous.

❥ caitlyn has a weak spot for when you talk her through it. “you feel good, cait? you’re so beautiful like this.” her head tilts back, her breath shuddering, and she completely submits.

❥ vi gets so soft when you take your time. kissing her shoulders, whispering her name, telling her how beautiful she is. “fuck, baby, I—” her voice cracks, and you feel her clench around your fingers.

❥ when vi is strapping you, she’ll dip down, lips brushing your ear, voice low and wrecked—"I wish I could feel what it’s like to be inside of you." there’s something desperate in the way she says it, in the way her hips stutter for just a second, like the thought alone is enough to drive her crazy. and then she’s fucking into you harder, chasing the next sound you’ll make, needing to feel you in every way she can.

❥ when vi is topping caitlyn, you can’t help but just watch—completely mesmerized, warmth blooming in your chest at the sight of them tangled together, loving on each other so deeply. It’s something intimate, something raw, and you adore them for it. but then, as if they can feel your gaze, they both turn to look at you—eyes soft, full of something even deeper. caitlyn reaches for you, vi smirks, breathless, and then comes the invitation, low and tender—"come here, baby."

❥ they love you so much, and they love each other just as fiercely. being in a relationship with them is like having a force of nature on your side—wild, protective, and all-consuming in the best way.

a/n: they’re so cat and puppy omg, hope you like <3!

[moonlit-tulip]

It's often noted, in discussions of the Death Note anime, that it's much weaker than the manga in its rendition of post-timeskip events partly for pacing reasons: the pre-timeskip parts of the anime adapt ~6.5 manga-volumes in 25 episodes, while the post-timeskip parts adapt ~5.5 in 12 episodes, so a lot more important detail-work is lost and the whole thing ends up feeling kind of perfunctory.

Much less often noted as far as I've seen, but nonetheless also true, is that the Death Note anime removes some important characterization-nuance from Light, starting right near the beginning, whose presence elevates the manga to be substantially better than the anime even before the time-skip.

In particular: the Death Note manga is, at its core, a tragedy in classic "character who has everything falls into ruin due to a fatal personal flaw" style. Light is a brilliant student who, in the future ahead of him, has the potential to do practically whatever he wants. He's driven to ruin by the fatal flaw of unwillingness to admit, either to others or to himself, when he's made a mistake. This flaw is an essential piece of his characterization, in the manga. And the anime pretty much entirely skips over it.

As portrayed in the manga, Light's decision to become Kira—which ultimately leads to his downfall—is made in the following way. First, he finds the Death Note, and is led by morbid curiosity to write a name in it, killing someone. Then, still not really believing it, he kills a second person too. At which point it hits him that he's killed two people. And at that point, after a viscerally-horrified breakdown about what he's done, the inability to admit mistakes kicks in, and he proceeds to rewrite his own value-system such that it yields the result that killing those people was actually okay, and in fact morally good. Because the alternative would be for him to acknowledge himself as having made a terrible mistake, and that, more than anything else, is something he's unwilling to do if he can see any other option at all. And then, having convinced himself that those two murders were good, he proceeds to reason that, if they were good, then doing more like them is good; and thus he becomes Kira, leading eventually, far down the line, to his ruin. The anime, by contrast, substantially deemphasizes this flaw of his, portraying him as much more calmly put-together through that series of events and thus making him come across as having been tempted in becoming-Kira-ward directions all along.

Similarly, in the anime, when Light leaks a bunch of information to L about his identity by using non-public information acquired via police channels, he declares that actually this was deliberate as a means of baiting L out so he can kill him, and the anime presents this declaration pretty uncritically. The manga, by contrast, presents it as an extension of that same character-flaw: Light is unwilling to admit to having actually just straightforwardly messed up, and therefore makes up a new plan to view himself to have been following-all-along, thus leading him to take more risks in his game against L going forward and thus, once again, helping him along the path to ruin.

Et cetera.

Compared with the manga, then, the anime's version of Light's characterization ends up less interesting. And, moreover, it introduces a plot hole, when the Yotsuba arc comes around! It makes it much less clear why an amnesiac Light would be so straightforwardly aligned against Kira. In the manga, this is pretty clear: a Light who never killed anyone wouldn't have rewritten his values to consider killing people to be good, and therefore would look at Kira as straightforwardly evil. And, in fact, his amnesiac self has trouble taking the possibility of his having been Kira previously, even as the evidence starts building up, because becoming Kira would be a mistake according to his value-system of the moment, and this leaves him having a very hard time contemplating the possibility of its having in fact happened! Whereas the anime, by deemphasizing Light's big flaw, makes his amnesiac-self's differences from the way he is for most of the story up to that point come across as much more out-of-nowhere, much less narratively well-founded.

So, overall, the people who talk about the Death Note manga as superior to the anime specifically post-timeskip strike me as somewhat understating things. The manga is superior to the anime pre-timeskip, too, via that extra layer of characterization and a resulting improvement both in character-interestingness and in plot-coherence. And thus I consider the manga to be very much the definitive version of Death Note from start to finish, despite the anime's relatively-higher popularity.

[meow286]

some ramblings today. with a little sketch and its tie down

drawing cats is always easy and almost automatic for me since theyre basically my foundation. so when i want to warm up on some concepts, theyre usually my go to.

recently ive been studying art again more seriously, really looking at where i was lacking and doing studies, reading a lot of art theory and reference books, life drawing, everything i can. getting better at grouping shapes, values, focusing on clarity of silhouette, simplifying information, have all become my priority. i really try to think the entire time im drawing now instead of going on autopilot. so even revisiting drawing cats occasionally, now feels new as im doing it with a new mindset/perspective on what i want to achieve. i tend to practice drawing 6-8 hours a day but the goal of where i want my ability to be still feels so impossibly far away.

i havent animated very much at all in the past year, and im trying to rekindle my love and drive for it, it scratches an itch in me that drawing never does. over the years of being a lonely teenager who tied their self worth to their online art presence, my self esteem was linked to how well i could perform artistically any given day eventually lead to me crashing and burning mentally. i could not animate without significant stress and feeling like i was going to throw up because i knew the end product wouldnt satisfy me. so i avoided doing it for almost a year.

i know a lot of younger artists follow me and its easy to fall into this trap, esp with how competitive it is and the incentive of social media attention. but it will make you miserable, and upset. even know i have to repeat to myself "its ok to make bad drawings" and that comparing myself to others has no purpose. this sounds overly dramatic since a lot of you know me as a former warrior cats animator, but ever since i made animation my career this thought process became increasingly difficult to escape and would affect my performance at work sometimes. i got a job working with dogs for a while since i didnt want to have the mental toll of doing professional work anymore. im trying to get back in the game now, almost reteaching myself art in a way. and ive been feeling a lot better.

im thinking of making some sets of cat anatomy tips, reference drawings, and my thought process when stylizing them to out up on gumroad for free. maybe some animation cycles and breakdowns too. if you read this far 😀 hi

[loredrinker]

The Eternal Bond of Solas and Lavellan 

My sister challenged me to explore the depth of Solas’s love for Lavellan in Veilguard—a love I believe endures, no matter his choices or the challenges they face. It’s a perspective I’ve seen debated often, with some arguing that if he truly loved her, he wouldn’t have left, or that her love alone should have been enough to change his path.

While many have already explored this topic, truthfully, it’s something I’ve thought about since finishing Veilguard and therefore, couldn’t pass up the challenge. This post is obviously through the romanced Lavellan lens.  

For context, my sister is a staunch Blackwall fan. She wasn’t exactly Solas’s biggest fan during her first Inquisition playthrough, but during subsequent runs, she softened. Eventually, my adoration for Solas won her over and she even played a run through where she romanced him, and found it bitter sweet (and then ran back to Blackwall). 

But before we dive in, there are a couple of things that I take into consideration in this breakdown: 

Solas’s decisions are shaped by millennia of experience and centuries of guilt and regret. He’s not just a guy making impulsive choices—he’s a being who’s lived through unimaginable pain and carried the weight of a broken world for ages. 

Solas is immortal. It’s easy for us, as mortals, to judge his actions through our limited, human perspective. But how can we truly understand the mind of someone who’s lived for thousands of years, seeing empires rise and fall, burdened with trauma, guilt, self-loathing, and the scars of war? 

That said, this mortal is going to give it a shot. Let’s go. A long post under the cut. 

Inquisition – the Foundation 

The seeds of Lavellan’s significance in Solas’s journey—and the path that could one day lead to his redemption—are planted during Inquisition. Lavellan challenges his detachment, offering him something he’s avoided for so long: a glimpse of the world as it is, rather than as it was. Through her, he begins to see beauty in what remains and starts to imagine a life connected to something other than regret and isolation. Her influence is foundational. 

Solas’s love for Lavellan, and the transformation she inspires in him, doesn’t end with his departure. She lingers in his heart, shaping the internal conflict that is still to come.  

Trespasser 

The conversation between Solas and a romanced Lavellan in Trespasser is one of my favorite moments in the series. The different dialogue choices are filled with so much emotion and after two years apart, he still calls her vhenan and “my love.” 

Lavellan’s faith that their love will endure meets Solas’s sorrowful wish that it could. The weight of their connection is undeniable. Unable to resist, he takes one last, bittersweet kiss before saving her life by taking the Anchor. Even after the Inquisition disbands (in my world state), Solas doesn’t completely leave—he lingers, though in a way that’s both haunting and ethereal. 

The epilogue slides lay it out: 

"Lavellan sometimes came awake from dreams in which her lover watched her sadly from across an endless distance. If they were more than simple dreams, she could not say, for every time she reached for him, he vanished into nothing. Still she searched, and dreamed, and waited, for a way to change the Dread Wolf's heart." 

Even though they’re apart, his presence in her dreams shows the depth of his unresolved feelings. Watching her with sorrow from across an endless distance captures the conflict between his love for her and the path he’s chosen. Lavellan’s influence on him remains vivid and alive, a tether he can’t fully sever—even as he continues down his fateful road. 

Veilguard – the Letter  

Lavellan’s presence lingers for Solas in Veilguard, years after Trespasser. Her influence is woven throughout the letter he writes for her. 

"Vhenan, I do not know if you will see these words." 

He calls no one else vhenan. Starting the letter with this deeply personal term immediately sets the emotional tone. Even after all the years they’ve been apart, Solas still addresses her as his heart, reaffirming that she’s his most profound connection. 

"My ritual is ready and will soon be set in motion. Perhaps when you read this the world will be as it once was, and you will see why all I did was necessary." 

Beneath the resolve of committing to his mission, is a quiet longing—a hope that Lavellan will understand and maybe even validate the choices that weigh so heavily on him. Her opinion still matters to him. 

What I particularly love is the phrase "...the world will be as it once was, and you will see...". Yes, it’s about his dream of restoring the beauty and harmony of the world he lost, but it also holds this fragile hope that she might still have a place in it. You can sense his desire to imagine a future where Lavellan remains part of his world—or his vision—despite the impossible circumstances. 

"That night in Crestwood, when I shared the truth about your vallaslin… you do not know how close I came to breaking." 

This part in the letter is such a window into how that moment has stayed with him. It’s clear that it still resonates with him, even after all these years. The way he admits he almost abandoned everything for her shows just how deeply her love impacted him. The word "breaking" says it all—it’s not just about weakness. It speaks to the massive tension between his centuries-old resolve and the pull of his love for her. 

"I could have shared the truth, or even put my plans aside and simply stayed with you as Solas...as I wanted." 

This confession is a raw admission of how much he wanted a life with her. The phrase "as I wanted" gives us a glimpse into an alternate reality he imagined, a life centered with Lavellan, one he ultimately denied himself for the sake of his mission. 

"What I feel for you will never change." 

This final line is everything. It’s Solas declaring that his love for Lavellan is eternal - because he is. Time, distance, guilt, and even the weight of centuries haven’t dulled what he feels for her. It also mirrors what he says to Lavellan in Trespasser, "I will never forget you." His devotion stands as this unshakable truth in a world full of loss and impermanence. 

Whether Lavellan forgives him, understands him, or even sees his words, the letter shows us a man still tethered.

Rook as a Conduit 

To me, Rook acts as a conduit for the voices that hold the most emotional weight for Solas—Lavellan and Mythal. Through Rook, we get to hear Solas talk about Lavellan directly, and what he says is just as revealing as the letter he left her.  

Solas: “When I served the Inquisition, I tried to avoid entanglements.” 

Rook: “Except for Inquisitor Lavellan.” 

Solas: “I said that I resolved to do so, not that I succeeded.” 

He went into his time with the Inquisition with a clear goal to stay detached. No bonds, no entanglements. But then Lavellan happened. Her love wasn’t something he could resist, no matter how much effort he put into maintaining his distance. 

Solas: “She is a good woman. Growing close to her was selfish of me.” 

When Solas calls Lavellan “a good woman,” it’s admiration and reverence. He doesn’t need to list her strengths outright; instead, his description of her as “good” reflects his personal definition of what that means. 

He also says “She is a good woman,” not “She was.” He’s speaking in the present tense. This small detail makes it clear that Lavellan isn’t just a memory to him or a closed chapter in his life. Even after years apart, she’s still a living, active presence in his heart and mind. He still holds her in respect and love. 

When he says growing close to her was selfish, he isn’t dismissing their bond. If anything, it’s a testament to how much he valued their connection, even though he knew it might ultimately cause her pain. 

Rook: “Do you regret it?” 

Solas: “I live with countless regrets. Some of them I have grown to cherish more than my victories.” 

This dialogue sums up just how much Lavellan means to Solas. He’s lived a long life filled with accomplishments that, more often than not, came with devastating consequences. But his relationship with Lavellan stands apart. That cherished regret tells us that his time with her brought him something no victory ever could: meaning, fulfillment, and joy. 

And then there’s the phrasing: “I have grown to cherish.” It’s also in the present tense. Lavellan’s impact on him isn’t just something from his past. It’s still alive, still deeply embedded in who he is.  

Lavellan holds a unique and enduring place in Solas’s heart. Even with all the pain and consequences of their relationship, she’s still a source of warmth and significance—a constant reminder of how deeply she mattered and still matters to him.  

Love Does Not Exist in Isolation 

I’ve seen comments out there that if Lavellan really mattered to Solas, her voice alone would’ve been enough to stop him from tearing down the Veil. I disagree. It’s clear that it takes a village to sway someone like Solas—a wounded immortal being carrying millennia of guilt and regret. Lavellan’s voice is absolutely foundational, but it’s part of a broader tapestry of influences that all come together at a critical moment. 

Solas’s decision to tear down the Veil doesn’t come from a lack of love for Lavellan. It’s rooted in overwhelming guilt and this deep sense of obligation to his people, to Mythal. Her voice matters because she was one of the first to challenge his beliefs. But hers alone couldn’t undo the weight and trauma of millennia. Voices like Mythal’s were necessary too. 

When Mythal releases Solas from her service, it’s a pivotal moment. It’s a severance of the bond that defined so much of his existence. For Solas, it’s freeing—but also incredibly painful. It forces him to reckon with his autonomy, to face the choices he’s made without the shield of loyalty to Mythal. For a man who’s been carrying so much self-loathing and regret, what a deeply uncomfortable and transformative moment. 

Then there’s Rook, who also plays a crucial role. Before Lavellan and Mythal appear, Rook is the one directly speaking to Solas, urging him to see the world and its people as worth saving. But once Lavellan (followed by Mythal) steps onto the stage, Rook falls silent. It’s as if they instinctively know their role has shifted. It’s no longer their place to persuade; that responsibility now belongs to Lavellan and Mythal.  

Of those voices, it is Lavellan’s that lingers as the last. Hers is not just a plea for him to reconsider his mission - it’s an affirmation that even in the face of millennia, their love is a truth he can’t deny. 

Through the Lens of Immortality 

For a mortal, it might be easy to see Solas’s love as fleeting because of how short-lived it was. What’s a year and a bit compared to thousands of years?  But for an immortal being—and someone as spiritual as Solas – I would think the depth of a bond matters more than how long it lasts. Solas’s love for Lavellan isn’t diminished by how brief their time together was; if anything, it’s magnified by its intensity—a flicker of light cutting through the endless darkness of his existence.  

And for someone who’s immortal, memories don’t fade the way they would for us mortals. Lavellan’s influence on Solas will stay vivid and eternal, untouched by time. Even though their time together was short, her presence is etched into who he is. Her love became this cornerstone of his internal struggle—something he wrestled with but couldn’t fully let go of. He almost gave it all up for her.

For an immortal, loving a mortal is a whole different kind of courage. It’s choosing to embrace something fleeting and fragile, knowing it will end. And still, Solas chose to love Lavellan. A bright chapter in a life that’s otherwise been filled with pain, loneliness, and time stretching endlessly in every direction. 

So yeah, she matters. 

At least, that’s how I see it. 

[novlr]

how to describe despair in writing

Despair is a visceral and crushing emotion—one that echoes through the pages of a story, gripping readers with its raw intensity. It is more than just a feeling; it’s an abyss that characters fall into, a shadow that colours their every action and decision with hues of hopelessness and loss.

Behaviour

Neglecting personal care or obligations.

A lack of motivation or interest in activities they once enjoyed.

Withdrawing from social situations or avoiding company.

Engaging in self-destructive actions or habits.

Consistent signs of fatigue or lethargy.

Frequent emotional outbursts or mood swings.

An inability to concentrate or focus on tasks.

Indecisive, even on trivial matters.

Focusing on negative thoughts.

Displaying a loss of hope or a sense of defeat.

Interactions

Avoiding physical or eye contact with others.

Short-tempered and easily irritated.tempered

Speaking in monosyllables or giving terse responses.

A sense of indifference or apathy toward others’ concerns.

Struggling to express themselves or to articulate their feelings.

Misinterpreting others’ intentions or words negatively.

Isolating themselves despite offers of help or companionship.

Being unresponsive to attempts at humour or light-heartedness.

Blaming others or external circumstances for their despair.

Seeking out enablers or situations that validate their mindset.

Body language

Slumped shoulders or a consistently bowed head.

Averted gaze or blank stares into the distance.

Fidgeting, such as wringing hands or picking at skin.

Slow, dragging movements or a lack of coordination.

Heavy sighing or audible breaths.

Neglecting personal space or boundaries.

Minimal gestures or lifeless posture.

Clenched fists or jaw during moments of heightened emotion.

Visible trembling or shaking due to emotional strain.

A general lack of energy or life in physical presence.

Attitude

Pessimism towards the future.

Cynicism about intentions, whether their own or others’.

Resignation, believing that effort will not change their situation.

Indifference to opportunities or choices presented to them.

A sense of helplessness or powerlessness in all scenarios.

Self-deprecation and a tendency to dismiss their own value.

An overwhelming sense of guilt or responsibility for past events.

A fixation on the negative aspects of every situation.

An inability to accept comfort or positive feedback.

Believing they are a burden to others.

Positive Story Outcomes

An epiphany or realisation that sparks a desire for change.

A gesture of kindness from another character that provides a glimmer of hope.

The discovery of an inner strength or previously untapped resource.

A serendipitous event that offers a new perspective or opportunity.

The formation of a supportive relationship or friendship.

Minor victories or achievements that build self-confidence.

Learning a valuable lesson through hardship.

Developing empathy for others going through similar experiences.

Finding purpose in aiding others, easing their own despair.

An eventual embrace of vulnerability, leading to healing and growth.

Negative Story Outcomes

A surrender with long-lasting consequences.

The breakdown of important relationships.

A significant loss incurred because of inaction or apathy.

Descent into a more self-destructive or reckless lifestyle.

The solidification of a character’s role as an antagonist.

A missed opportunity for redemption or improvement.

A worsening of the character’s situation, potentially affecting others.

The development of a trait or flaw that hinders future happiness or success.

A downfall that provides a cautionary tale within the narrative.

A tragic ending that leaves a profound impact on the reader and other characters.

Helpful Vocabulary

Desolate

Forlorn

Wretched

Crestfallen

Anguished

Dolorous

Bereft

Hollow

Numb

Morose

Sullen

Bleak

Languish

Melancholy

Hopeless

Despondent

Dejected

Heartbroken

Miserable

Pained

Woeful

Eclipsed

Defeated

Overwhelmed

Grief-stricken

Tormented

Disconsolate

Listless

Oppressed

Despairing

[beforetimes]

planning a modern/fame timebomb au in my head where jinx is a celebrity recovering from addiction after a public meltdown who's lost contact with most of the people she knew when pre-breakdown/pre-fame. and in completing her recovery program she reaches out to ekko to offer a direct apology for anything she might have said/might have happened in the depths of her addiction, but doesn't hear back from him.

following this she decides to go out and sign up for a program to help at-risk kids like herself—after reflecting in therapy and realizing that a lot of the issues that lead to her being in such a volatile state of mind was because of the lack of support she had in childhood when dealing with losing her family [haven't planned what would work as a stand-in for the powder factory explosion so lets skirt past that for now] she decides that she wants to be that support for other people that she didn't have herself, after spending about a year trying to get better.

basically, she signs up as a volunteer to this big brother/sister-esque outreach program after a few months of anonymously donating to see if she can help someone in person rather than continuing to isolate herself. which is where she meets isha, who immediately imprints on jinx and insists on following her around. and jinx, who is unused to being at the centre of someone's attention without larger expectations that come with her status as a celebrity attached as caveat, starts relaxing by the very nature of her interactions with isha not being as loaded as others. like, this is just a kid! she doesn't know about jinx's issues or how she freaked out and lost it on stage/on a set/made headlines before disappearing from the public eye and ending up here. all isha sees is someone with cool blue hair and nails she wants to try her hand at painting.

after a few months of building a rapport with isha through this community mentor program, jinx accidentally bumps into the last person she really expected to see here—ekko.

ekko is also very surprised to see her here, because the last time he saw her, she was freaking out on him because he wouldn't enable her self-destructive behaviour, their final and most explosive fight resulting in their subsequent falling out where jinx threw a lot of shit back in his face and he did the same and they decided not to contact each other. well, besides jinx's attempt at an apology, but he didn't reply to that.

he sees her here and they both freeze because, like? what do you even do in this situation? they haven't seen each other in a few years at this point, maybe two or three at the most. enough time that it feels so entirely awkward to even try to act like nothing happened while also knowing that it would be equally nerve-grating to try and acknowledge the history between them.

of course, this stand-off is interrupted by isha, who sees jinx frozen in the hall and immediately stomps over to drag her away because they had been working on a painting together that she's been waiting to finish all week.

and jinx eventually relaxes because ekko doesn't say anything and neither does she, even though she wants to know what he's doing here in the first place. but the day ends without any further interactions between the two.

eventually, after asking around, jinx learns that ekko was the one who set the program up a few years prior, a tentative friend in the program telling her that the community didn't really have a lot of resources on hand and that a lot of the program was personally financed by ekko and he did a lot of work to try and uplift the people and community without demanding financial support in return, like most state-funded programs tend to do.

jinx is just, like, in awe of the fact that this childhood friend grew up to do something so great before being overwhelmed with guilt over the fact that she had been so wrapped up in her own world that she hadn't even noticed.

of course, this doesn't really change things because they're still not talking to each other, but weeks pass and jinx feels like they've gotten into a steady pattern of avoiding each other.

what she doesn't know is that ekko has been subtly watching in on her and isha's little hang-out sessions and is just in awe that this girl who had only a few years ago been so unsure of herself and in so much pain had managed to heal to the point of being able to help someone else and make a good positive impact on isha's life in a program he created.

so, after a while, jinx gets a reply on that email she had sent him nearly a year ago where ekko just asks if she wants to meet for lunch. which she replies to, after a lot of back-and-forth, by saying yes absolutely.

and then the romance unfolds further from there, yadda yadda yadda. haven't decided how this will ultimately end or where vi will play a part or anyone else but i thought that the bare bones concept i had in mind was worth posting here.

in my head maybe ekko's second, scar would be a friend who had seen the majority of the fallout and would be warning him away in the background while ekko was sort of caught up in being both happy that jinx seemed to be doing better while also conflicted on whether or not he wanted to forgive her because their last fight was like, super nasty. awful stuff said

maybe if anyone has ideas for how vi / cait / anyone else could be worked in, you can leave that below?? none of this is super set in stone! just rambling. ^_^

[quandledlngle69]

heyy, i read some of your past ness fics and theyre so good😫 so i thought id ask if ur open to writing another one !!

y/n is cunt asf, like that girl and ness is whipppedd for her. she comes to watch ness at a match or practice and she kind of babies him / congratulates him in a loving but condescending way (if that makes any sense help), and the rest of bastard pokes fun at him for it. in one way or another, y/n ends up leading him away from the rest of the team and they start freaking it, and when they come out together, its very much visible

srry this is highkey overly specific, so go as much off topic / a stray with it if you must lol

hi hi anon, tried to make it as close as possible, sorry for the delayed response bc i actually loved this ask and was supposed to drop this like two weeks ago but i didn't know what to do with the ending ughh

⸻ アレクシス ネス ALEXIS NESS.

CW; mention of smut, implied sex, reader and ness sneak off to do freaky shit in the closet, the team catches ness in the aftermath, hickeys, crack, reader is implied to be fem, swearing. w.c; 1.0k.

everyone knows ness is dating you.

bastard münchen, the press, the pr managers, the whole damn world knows alexis ness is dating you.

you were mostly indifferent to the huge spotlight you put yourself in when ness became your boyfriend. the most interviewer's and journalists snatched from your personal life was that you were a shopaholic, your fashion sense was better than bastard münchen's stylist team, and that you loved ness.

or more like... ness adored you.

ah–a newbie reporter will always make the mistake of mentioning you in any context, because once he starts rambling, he doesn't stop. kaiser always has to drag ness away from the mics, directed yelling and flashing lights before another half an hour is spent talking about how flawless your makeup is.

and now here you were, just off in the stands, wearing the signature bastard münchen jersey with ness's number painted yellow on the back. you looked like a doll, clapping your hands in excitement as the german team won another match, ness having snagged an assist in the last goal.

you're the first to congratulate him after his team, almost pouncing on him as he's grabbing his water bottle.

"you were so good out there baby! i was waiting f'you to like... mess up, but you didn't! not even once, m'so proud of you." your voice was condescending cheerful while squishing and pinching his cheeks. ness lips curve into a sheepish smile, his flushed face not lost on you or anyone as he mumbles his gratitude.

he can already hear the low murmur of snickering from his teammates, as they always seemed entertained by the view of you babying ness to humiliation. you eventually let go of him as the athletes get ready to depart back to their locker rooms, and that's when chaos ensues.

the second the team's out of public scrutiny, ness is being shaken like a saltshaker by raichi. isagi, kaiser, and hiori are rather loudly teasing ness about your overly affectionate personality; and yukimiya's laughing at igarashi as the monk has another questioning breakdown about how ness managed to bag someone of your league.

this is how it's gonna be for the next hour, ness thinks, internally groaning as he goes to collect his duffle bag. his teammates attention are on their super victory rather than him, to his relief.

his thoughts are halted when he sees something once still, shift in his peripheral vision. the door to the locker room cracks open ever so slightly, only a slit in the door. you're standing there, a sweet smile on your face, one he knows all too well. you bat your lashes at him in such a provocative way, a bolt of heat strikes right through him. he freezes, panic flashing in his features, because you're not supposed to be back here, what if someone caught you?

his mulberry eyes instantly flicker down to your glossy lips as they part, only a single word mouthed.

"c'mere."

his legs didn't hesitate, picking up on their own, looking back at his teammates for a final time to confirm no prying eyes were on him, before slipping out the door. there was a small click of the lock as it shut, virtually inaudible to any of the other ears in the room.

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━ ━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

your face scrunched at the incoming light from the corridor as your foot tapped the door open.

being in a dark supply closet for half an hour to immediate harsh fluorescent light really does numbers on the eyes. hearing no footsteps, you bravely peek your head out, straining your neck to make sure there's not a soul in the corridor.

you almost flinch as you feel something warm and big press against your back, sighing adequately as you feel a face settle in the crook of your nose.

"alexis," you whisper, and you get a low hum in response. "coast is clear."

you don't wait another second before pulling him by the front of his shirt, the closet door left ajar.

only once you step into the light do you see the aftermath of getting carried away–you made the grave mistake of forgetting how pigmented your lip gloss was. you had completely peppered his face with kisses, each leaving their own unique lipstick stain. patterns of lip marks littered from his cheek down to his neck. the bite mark on his jugular was still indented, leftover saliva shining in the light. the light suck marks you expected to bloom later, seemed as though they were getting darker by the minute.

"what's wrong, schatz?"

his voice snaps you out of your trance, dazed but a little sharper at the look on your face.

"nothing–it's nothing." you attempt to rub the lip marks, but they only smear terribly, and you curse under your breath.

suddenly, a pack of voices merged from the end of the hall, still muffled by the distance. yours and ness heads whip towards the sound in sync. there was about a split second before someone rounded the corner. and before you could even think of what to do, ness had already pushed you out of a fire exit door.

you were safe, but you couldn't say the same for ness....

"hey! ness–WHAT THE FUCK?!!!"

ness winced, the sound of raichi's hollering echoed sharply in the long hallway. he turned his head slowly to find half of the team paused in shock. queue silence so tense you could cut it with a steak knife. he couldn't even slyly lie his way out of this one, he was caught red handed and completely in the open.

his swollen lips opened to give some half–assed excuse and rush off, but his words were caught in his throat when a hand fisted the back collar of his shirt, pulling him through the door behind him. all he felt was a sudden rush of wind from the outside, until you pushed him forward in a rushed manner, uncontrollably giggling to yourself as you told him in a hushed whisper to run, trialing close behind him as you both picked up the pace.

he cracked a smile to himself as you dragged him by the hand, around tight corners and alleyways. he's glad you didn't notice the absolute love–sick look he was giving you, or you would have teased him.

he wouldn't mind getting caught or in trouble, but only if you were by his side.

Quandaledlngle69 © 2025

[yailtsv]

Someone To Stay - j.w

💌 Syn: we all need someone to stay

»»— warnings: mention of death (a lot), depression, mention of y/n (only once i think), probably more too

»»— notes: this was originally a paige fic butttt….yeah

»»— word count: 2.5k

»»— pair: Juju Watkins x gf!reader

it’s been 2 weeks.

2 miserable, painful, sleepless, weeks.

2 weeks of not being on your phone, 2 weeks of ignoring all of your teammates, 2 weeks since you quit basketball, 2 weeks since your world fell apart - with no one even knowing.

you grew up in minnesota, and went to usc for college. you moved away from home for college. you went miles away from your baby siblings for college - only seeing them on breaks or when your parents were able to put enough money together to take the trip. you left all you knew for college.

and now? everything’s gone

2 weeks ago you received a phone call from an unknown minnesota number - saying that your parents had gotten hit by a drunk driver with your siblings in the car. there was only one survivor - the drunk driver.

the first week - you were in denial and angry, leading to you starting a argument with juju and her storming out after endless yelling back and forth. that happened on tuesday.

on wednesday of the first week, you packed your bags and flew to minnesota - refusing to believe your family was gone.

you didn’t tell anyone about you leaving, although you did send coach lindsay a email saying that you needed a break and that you didn’t want to play basketball anymore - and then you left, just like that. didn’t wait for a response, didn’t text juju, didn’t text any of your teammates, you just left.

although you were informed about your family - the media has no idea who was in the car yet as nobody that was trying to help could tell who they were because of the injury’s and blood. so no one knows the battles your facing right now. not juju, not coach lindsay, not your teammates, and not your fans, everyone just thinks your being moody for no reason- that is not the case.

the only reason the morgue was able to find out who they were was because they had a doctor do a blood test to find any living relatives - you.

Your were alone, left out in the cold

by the time you got to your house on wednesday, it was dark outside, it was raining - hard, and your brain was on autopilot - trying to find your family all around the small one story house.

only to come up empty handed. your family was no where to be found.

your neighbor saw you walk in and then heard you shortly after calling out for your family - she new you heard the news about them, so she was worried….and called the police. she was one of the only other people that know of the identification right now, as she is your guys neighbor and was an extremely close friend to your mom.

she wanted to go over and comfort you but with giving a 19 year old news that her whole family’s gone - there’s a 100% chance that that said girl will have a mental breakdown eventually, it’s bound to happen. you just never know when, that’s why she decided to call for help.

by the time help got there, you were sitting on the floor by the fireplace looking at the scrapbooks that your mom spent her whole life making. you had left the front door open when you were in your rush to find your family so the two officers were able to see you on the floor.

“ma’am? are you the surviving daughter?” he knew the answer but he had to ask. it was protocol, but to you? it felt like he was rubbing it in your face ‘haha your here alone. they left you cause they hated you. you shouldn’t have moved miles away from them! they needed you and you left to play basketball?’

so you didn’t answer.

you kept looking at the scrapbooks ignoring both of them. they slowly entered the house - not knowing if you were a danger yet.

“ma’am?” still you ignored them, “ma’am, i’m officer morgan this is my partner officer reid. we got a call about the surviving daughter of the family in the car crash calling out for the family. you’re her correct? you’re the daughter?”

“obviously. do you think i’m a random that just broke in?” you rasped out in a angry tone

“no ma’am, it’s protocol to ask these questions.” officer reid said making you hum before looking back at the scrap book in your lap

“can we get your name?”

“no.” you reply back making both the officers look at each other “why?” reid asks stepping a few steps closer

“because you obviously already know the answer. leave me alone.”

“we can’t do that. your neighbors are concerned for you, and so are we.” morgan said

“well i’m fine so you can leave.”

“you left the front door wide open, do you realize how bad that could’ve ended up? your neighbors also said that you were shouting for your family.”

“boohoo i was calling out for my family so what? you’re trespassing!”

the officers sighed cause you technically were right. you never gave them confirmation to walk in - they just did.

“okay, we will leave alright? but here’s our numbers - call if you ever need help ok?” reid says putting his and morgan’s business cards on the table and both of the officers slowly walking out of the house.

Clinging to the ruin of your broken home

after that the days blended in together. you didn’t leave the house, you didn’t eat, you didn’t sleep, you didn’t check your phone.

on thursday of the second week, the police were able to get enough information of the identities and the accident itself to finally release a statement - one that you were named in.

after the statement it took an hour tops for the articles to be posted and somehow made its way to california in that time period too.

“juju, you might want to see this.” kiki said walking up to juju in the locker room after practice “what is it?” juju asked facing her cubby and not kiki.

“just look” kiki said putting her phone in jujus face, making ju grab the phone and sit down on her chair to look at whatever kiki’s trying to show her

USC star gone off the grid as news about her family in a drunk driving incident comes out.

“what is this kiki?” juju says while scrolling through more articles

minnesotan family of 5 tragically died in car accident.

USC star has yet to make a statement on recent events.

Where is the USC star? Does she know of her family’s death?

Family of 5 was actually a Family of 6? Where’s the surviving kid?

“you know how we all thought y/n was just being moody?” kiki hesitantly says

juju doesn’t answer and just gives kiki her phone back, grabs her stuff, and runs out of the locker room with the girls calling out for her

juju impulsively buys a plane ticket to minnesota before going back to her dorm packing stuff to last however long. when she was done she drove to the airport while calling you over and over again - getting sent to voicemail every time

“cmon baby, pick up” juju mumbles to herself before once again hearing your voicemail making her sigh

Too lost and hurting to carry your load

landing in minnesota after the articles being released was a nightmare. everyone was coming up to juju asking if she knew anything about you or the accident. the amount of times she said “no comment” in the last 15 minutes was absolutely ridiculous - but she made it out of the air port.

calling and waiting for a uber was a whole other mission. fans were coming up to juju wanting pictures and autographs, they were all recording too. they were all shocked for juju to be in minnesota but they were loving every second - juju wasn’t.

you and juju aren’t public like neither of you guys are even out to the public, but it’s rumored. you and juju stared dating your guys freshman year, freshman year is also how you guys met in the first place.

you and juju have just said you guys are really close best friends, some people believe that lie and some people are pushing the dating agenda. that’s why so many fans are going crazy on the internet after all those videos and pictures of juju at the minneapolis airport come out.

“THEY’RE DATING!!!! JUJUS IN MINNESOTA AFTER THE ARTICLES CAME OUT 🤭🤭”

“NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME THEY’RE ‘just best friends’ LOOK HOW SAD JUJU LOOKS! LOOK HOW WORRIED SHE IS! THEY ARE DATING RAHHH👺”

“Juju outing in minnesota for y/n wasn’t on my 2025 bingo card”

that was only some of the tweets/comments, there was a lot more - mostly non pg ones.

when jujus uber finally got there she rushed inside telling them a block near your address - not wanting to let the uber driver know the exact address, just in case

when arrived to the destination she gave she payed the guy and went on her phone pretending to text somebody until the guy drove away, and when he did she started walking to your house. the house she visited over summer this year.

when she reached the house the vibe felt extremely different from this summer. this summer the vibe felt warm, friendly…lively, now it felt cold, unwelcoming….dead. juju took a deep breath in before walking to the front door and knocking a few times - only to receive no answer

“baby come open the door please.” juju pleads only to still get no response she huffs before turning the knob to see if it was unlocked - it was.

“baby?” juju says walking into the house hesitantly before her eye caught you laying next to the fireplace with an unsafe amount of distance between you and the fire “ baby! baby! hey! what are you doing? why are you laying so close to the fireplace? do you know how unsafe laying that close to a fire is?” juju says while running over to where you are and pulling you to a safe distance away from the raging fire.

you didn’t respond shocker, you stayed staring at the fire, bundled up in one of the blankets that were on the couch.

juju got the hint that you didn’t want to talk and got down on the ground right behind you as you were laying on your side. she put one of her arms under your head and put the other on your waist - pulling you closer to her

“i’m sorry” she mumbles into your ear “i’m sorry for the fight, i’m sorry for storming out, i’m sorry about your family, i’m sorry for not realizing something was wrong. i’m so so sorry baby. i love you so much, i would really like to be here for you if you’ll let me.”

you just slowly move your hands to grab both of her hands - holding them.

juju let’s you do just that, she understands that you don’t want to talk or get up or literally do anything, so she’s gonna stay right beside you holding you and comforting you with no questions or complaints even if the fire is burning her face.

We all need someone to hold

it’s been two days since juju got to minnesota. she’s somehow talked you into a lot of things in that time period too.

she talked you into moving to the couch, so you guys are no longer laying on the floor.

she’s talked you into eating a few things, which you never even realized you weren’t eating. you’ve just been so stuck in your head that taking care of yourself went out the window.

and now currently, she’s talked you into taking a bath seeing as you haven’t done so yourself in a while.

“hey baby, i need you to lift your head up for me. i need to wash your hair.” juju said while you were resting your head on your knees, that you brought up to your chest

you slowly lifted your head letting her wash and scrub your hair “you know-“ she started

“you could have told me what happened. you didn’t have to go through this alone. “

“i didn’t want to burden you.” you whisper out - your voice raspy from not using it for a few days

her hands stop scrubbing your hair for a minute while she turns her face to look at you “baby. baby look at me”

you slowly turn your head “you are not a burden. do you hear me? you’re not.” juju says sternly “we are in a relationship, there’s no such thing as ‘being a burden’ we communicate, we support, and we love each other, none of that changes during a life changing journey. i love you ok? i’m here for you!”

“i’m sorry” you say tearing up feeling guilty for causing all of these feelings and problems in your relationship

“baby, it’s ok! i promise” but that doesn’t help you - only makes you cry harder because you feel like you don’t deserve juju and her caring-ness.

jujus stands up and takes her slides, socks, and hoodie off, climbing into the tub behind you wearing a sports bra and basketball shorts. she sits down with you between her legs and pulls you into her.

“shh shhh you’re ok. i’m here.” juju mumbles to you as you have now turned so your on your side in the tub, gripping onto her waist, crying into her chest

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. i didn’t mean to cause problems between us. i’m sorry” you sob out into her chest

“i’m not mad at you baby. there’s no reason to apologize ok? i’m not mad”

you don’t respond - only grip her waist more and hide your face into her chest “it’s my fault. it’s all my fault” you sob out again

“what? baby what are you talking about?” juju says

Hear the fallen and lonely, cry out

“i moved away from them! i wasn’t here for them because i went away to play stupid fucking basketball!” you cry out once again

“no! baby, i’m not gonna let you do this. none of this is your fault at all ok? you went away to follow your dreams and your family is more than proud of you. nobody’s to blame except for the person that decided to get in a car and drive while knowing they were drunk. it. is. not. your. fault. got it?”

you don’t answer, you don’t even move. it’s like her confirming that there was actually a drunk driver made you have to accept that. this whole time you’ve been denying that your family’s gone, that they were killed in a drunk driving incident, that you would never actually see them again, and juju just confirmed everything you’ve been denying.

and now your just numb, but at least your not crying anymore right? right?

🏷️ @authentic-girl03 @evry1luvzzae @bethsleftnip @rebecca-woso

[14dayswithyou]

Tell Ren to turn on his location. After getting all the bad ends, Ren graciously offers his help. The help is very, uh, interesting to me because all his choices are like ignore and be rude to everyone except me, make out and choose me over everything, pick me, choose me, love me- But what's more interesting is the choices that don't matter. For he picks something casual when you're choosing clothes which I don't have a reason for yet, the food you pick in the cafe is exactly what he ordered which either does he want me to like what he likes or is he just choosing what he likes and doesn't care? still need to ponder. Oh and the choice he didn't choose, which was to encourage or discourage his crazy murderous habits. It makes me think he really doesn't give a fuck if I like it when people die or not. Or if I thought people dying was exciting or cool. I also did another bad ending which got me the same four bad ending screen. I wonder if it only goes up to the amount you can possibly get and not if you just keep spamming them. I did feel bad for going against what he said after he basically had a mental breakdown over it. Sorry, Ren, I got curious. But yeah, I just wanna ask, what is up with all of that, or really just to ramble because I found all this cool stuff and need to share it.

⌞♥⌝ Ren chooses the answers that give you the most affection points with him and him only.

Some answers — like the cafe orders— are there to provide the player with more insight into Ren's interests, whereas others were intentionally left alone because I didn't want players to feel pressured into going down a specific path (like encouraging Ren to reveal his true nature). He also stops helping you once you reach any of the regular endings in Day 4.

As for the Dead Ends, there are currently only four in the game right now. Eventually, they'll be tied to specific dialogue choices and a hidden point meter — but for now, they'll only exist in the game until I can find a reasonable way to connect specific branches/paths with the following day (i.e. blocking Ren in Day 1 normally leads to a Dead End because I can't think of a way for him to show up in Day 2 without Angel feeling annoyed skgsgjs).

I hope this makes sense!!

[apple-onigiri]

i am once again going on and on about the siffrin vs loop dichotomies (hope and despair edition)

pondering how while siffrin's and loop's time loop traumas may seem the same, just with loop being stuck longer, it was really really different for them from the very beginning, since loop 1, really. the horrors of their situations, while built on the same foundations, are vastly different.

loop was plagued by hopelessness. they were completely alone and had to constantly pretend and play and act with no breaks and no one else to bounce ideas off of, to drop the facade with. they never came even close to figuring out why the loops were happening and it took them thousands of tries to defeat the king just once. it was hell of repetition and of no shoreline in sight. they gave up because it was maddening, a sisyphean task with no hope of conclusion.

siffrin's torment nexus is different from the get-go because loop is there, and were it not for them, this siffrin would end up the exact same.

siffrin's horrors that lead to their breakdown are more fueled by uncertainty of his fate and sparse crumbs of hope; unlike loop, he keeps finding out new stuff and getting raised up by that, only to hit the ground harder and harder each time it amounts to nothing. siffrin's hell is built out of hope being given and yanked away again and again. it comes from the novelty of unlocked options that all eventually turn out to be dead ends. you don't have to be stuck for thousands of loops to grow insane from every single avenue of action you discover leading you back where you started because that's genuinely equally as awful. it hurts just as much (if not more) to have hope and have it taken away as it is to start off with none of it at all.

they are two sides of that damn silver coin because they represent hope and despair, and how both can easily destroy you.

[sp0o0kylights]

Indie horror filmmaker Eddie Munson, high off his first big (underground but notable) success, knows the movers and shakers of the film world have their eyes on him. 

They're just waiting to see if he was a one hit wonder before they open all the doors he's been trying to kick down. 

His next upcoming film is his chance, his shot at finally making it. Of being like Rob Zombie and the other creators he looks up to that masterfully blended metal and horror. 

This is his golden ticket. 

The project starts off smooth. His last success has greased the wheels, and things fall into place faster than ever before. 

He's got the best idea for this insane haunted house story, a true "mazes in mazes" type of deal with a queer twist. A real look at how a place can haunt a person just as easily as a ghost can.

 Everything's going swimmingly--until one of his leads drops out the day they're due to start shooting.

No call no show's, and later, Eddie will find out the guy got a last second call back to be a contestant on one of those Love Island bullshit romance gigs (and laugh his ass off when the main love interest takes one look at Billy Hargrove and goes on a five minute rant about ugly mullets on national television) but right now? 

He's fucked. 

He's called in every favor he has for this film. Maxed out every credit card he owns, tapped every contact, got on his hands and knees and begged his rising star journalist best bud to help him market it. (Which Nancy agreed too, for way less cash than she should have.) 

 Eddie can't get anyone on the phone, much less find a replacement actor and the amazing place they rented, that is so dark and wonderfully eerie, is booked out the rest of the year as an AirBnB. 

If he doesn't film now, he loses it all.

Cue the other lead, unknown theater actor Steve Harrington, watching his hair pulling, tire kicking, 'cursing and hopping while holding a toe' mental breakdown and asks why Eddie himself doesn't act in it. 

"Just go full Kevin Smith man. Act and direct." He says, with an easy grin. 

Jeff, Eddie's tried and true videographer, trades glances with Gareth and Grant (Eddie's long used special effects and makeup team, who double for about twelve other jobs because they're also his best friends and they're all in this together, make or break.)

"We don't really have a lot of other options." Gareth hedges. "You're already using me and Grant as background characters." 

Eddie, hands fluttering around his face as though trying to wave away this entire situation, squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a pained hiss. 

"Fine, fine!" He announces with the air of a man running towards a fire. "Fuck it, this is our one shot and so help me I will be shooting it!" 

Steve politely hides a laugh with a cough. 

"Chuckle all you want big boy, I'm going to tragically romance you so hard people will forget both of our characters actually live." Eddie snarls.

Steve, the handsome bastard, just winks.  "Looking forward to it." 

Eddie blushes, but hides it with a surge of frantic energy, conveyed by lots of yelling and moving and getting the ball rolling. 

Two days later, Steve would give the performance of a lifetime down on his knees, covered in a literal pound of fake gore, booty shorts and nothing else as he sobbed about how a lover could become a home. His hands clawed at Eddie's jeans before resting a tear stained face on a slim leg as he bent his body towards Eddie like it hurt to be away from him. 

Eddie would later receive equal praise in his own acting during the scene, with the world and every reporter in it asking how he conveyed an otherworldly panic so beautifully throughout Steve's performance. What was he thinking, to evoke those expressions on his face? 

The way his own pale hand, unmarred by blood and acting as a metaphor for the plot, would come to stroke Steve's cheeks.

Eventually he'd come up with a smooth polished answer that cheekily pleased his audience, but nothing would ever come close to the truth. 

("Eddie I've known you since grade school." Jeff said that night, a scant few hours after they'd wrapped. "You can act man, but not like that." 

Eddie made a wild "shut up" gesture, looking frantically over his shoulder before admitting; "You saw how close his face was to the prince of darkness!? I was seconds away from popping a boner next to his lips, in front of the 4K camera!” 

Eddie bounced into Jeff’s face so he could hiss: “He fucking had his chin on my thigh, Jeff, and I am only a man. A mere mortal!" 

"So we're gonna unpack all of that later." Jeff said finally, when he'd managed to get his mouth working and Eddie back out of his personal space. "But dude, we've talked about you calling your dick the prince of darkness." 

Eddie flipped him off.) 

One year later and critics named Corroded the best horror film of the year, praising the camera work, practical effects, and how there wasn't a soul alive who was surprised to hear Eddie and Steve were dating after their explosive on screen chemistry.

No one ever quite understood the prince of darkness jokes or why Steve mentioning it made Eddie blush, but that was a secret to find out later. 

Today on WIP’s I have no intention of writing, indie horror movie AU!