edclews

[bqstqnbruin]

ah I love seeing the "teachers are monsters for not letting students use the bathrooms whenever they want all the time" discourse starting again babes please

[sugarpea12345]

Remember My Name (Short story inspired by Saintobio)

Hello! This is a little thing I wrote inspired by @saintobio's work. This is directly inspired by they're sincerely yours and sincerely not .

To read and understand this, you must be caught up with sincerely not 's latest chapter (Chapter 8). I would consider this an AU, as I don't know what will happen in the next story. @saintobio 's is heart wrenching, so I had to write my own mini happy ending. Once they update, this whole thing probably won't make much sense lol.

I have received permission from @saintobio to post this

Again, this is directly inspired by @saintobio's work: Sincerely Yours and Sincerely Not.

Word count: 11.8 k

trigger warning: mentions of suicide, mentions of self harm, mentions of cheating, curse words used, angst

_____________________________________________________________

It had been a year since the coparenting arrangement. 

Via emails and business calls, you would arrange weekly pick up times. It was strictly professional. The way you wanted it. Right?

Wrong

You knew that you were being selfish. Maybe you always were. Everyone was right. Sera, Eula, Getou, Satoru’s mom, and Satoru. You were a black hole. You pulled people into your problems and destroyed them. You spent so much of your life fighting to be half the woman your mom was. And you could never be. You knew this now

“Mama!”

Bending down, you opened your arms. Hugging him tightly, you thanked the chauffeur for picking him up from school.

“Hi baby! How’s my little star?”

“Good! School finished early?” It was a statement, but you knew he was asking. Why did you take him out of school early? You really didn’t know. This whole day had felt strange. The air felt heavier. Your fingers felt numb. Something was going to happen and you didn’t want to be alone for it.

“What? My star prefers to be with teachers than with me? You’re making mommy sad!” You playfully nuzzled your head against his cheek and dramatically pouted. 

“I’ll never let you go to school again! Ha HA HA” You laughed evilly as you stood up and spun him

“Nooo!” He screamed between laughing.

After a good second of smiles and laughter, you finally set him down.

“Baby, I took you out of school because I wanted to spend time with you. Mommy is being selfish, so I won’t do this again. School is very important, ok?”

“Hmm… but mommy isn’t selfish. She’s a good mommy!”

You almost burst out in tears. He was too young to see how awful you were. His innocence and love for you blinded him. He would someday see you for the monster you are.

Allowing silence to fill the room, you stared into his eyes. God, those eyes. Your whole world could be found in them. Ruffling his hair, you grabbed the nearby scarf and wrapped it around him. Like any kid he grumbled at the added layers.

“Let’s go get ice cream and have fun today. Ok, baby?”

“Ice Cream! I love ice cream! My friend always, they always like laugh at me but not like mean laughing. But they say it’s so weird to eat ice cream when its winter. They think it’s funny. I think it’s funny too! Is snow different from ice cream? Because there’s like all this ice cream on the floor because it’s all snow. I just grab some sometimes and it doesn’t taste the same!”

As he got older, he has gotten a lot more talkative. He spoke incoherently and in run on sentences, but you understood him, nonetheless. You listened attentively when he would spend 30 minutes telling you about a funny thing his friend said. You listened when he would explain his entire school day the entire dinner. You listened the whole time.

“Yes baby, ice cream is yummy! I’m glad you and your friends laugh a lot. And no baby, snow is not the same as ice cream. Snow is made from the water on the earther getting colder, becoming clouds, and falling down. Remember I was teaching you about the water cycle? Ice cream is made from milk!”

At the mention of the water cycle, Sachiro excitedly launched into another spiel. He talked about the cycle, reexplaining it to you. He talked about how his teacher says he’s smart and how he got a toy. He talked about how his friends always ask him for help. He talked all the way to the ice cream parlor. As soon as you two ordered your ice cream, you settled down. Listening to him talk about his dreams. You always set your phone on Do Not Disturb whenever you are with him. He loved attention. If for one second you were to look away, he would immediately deflate. He was a carbon copy of his father. Sometimes you contemplated getting rid of your phone for this reason.

You spent the rest of the day chasing him through the park: pretending to be a dragon he fought, teaching him how to do cartwheels, looking for bugs. You took as many pictures as you could. Filming his smile, his voice, his eyes. 

The day came to an end, and you carried him on your back to the apartment you were staying in. 

After showering him and singing him a song, you finally took your phone off of DND.

Immediately, you were bombarded with millions of messages from everyone. 20 missed calls from Gen. 11 from Ian. 6 from your dad. 120+ text messages in total. 1 from Gojo.

Was everything ok? Please don’t let something be bad. Please. Please everyone be safe.  You heart beat increased. You were immediately transported to when you received news of Satoru’s accident. When the world learned about you running out of your wedding. When Satoru’s affair came out to the world. When you first got the calls of your mother’s sickness...

No. I can’t be selfish right now. If something happened, I have to be strong. Swallowing your fears, you opened the message you thought was the most important right now

Satoru: I’m sorry

No no no. He can’t do this again. He can’t! No please God no… You were almost about to call him, when you received another message from Gen. She was incessantly messaging you. Accidentally clicking on it, you read her last message

Gen: Please answer. Are you ok?

Now you were confused. Why was she asking if you were ok? You weren’t the victim. Doing some simple sleuthing, you looked at all the previous messages. Your eyes widened. You heart stopped. Tears filled your eyes. Looking over at Sachi, you took in a shaky breath. You had to be strong. Or at least strong enough to leave the room before you broke down. You had to do this for him. Stop being selfish Y/N

Shakily you walked out of his room. Looking back to make sure he was asleep; you closed the door gently. Before falling to your knees and letting all the tears fall. They pooled in the floor. You made sure to be quiet, but you were inconsolable. You hugged yourself tightly. You were being selfish right now. You knew that. But you were alone, and it was dark. It was ok to be selfish right now. Your heart was racing as you consoled yourself.

After half an hour of crying on the floor. You took a deep breath in and stood up. You went to the bathroom and stared at yourself.

“You need to stop being such a selfish monster, Y/N. You can’t keep ruining people. You can’t always be the victim. You need to make amends for everything you’ve done.”

You started your nightly ritual. Tears would occasionally mix in with cleanser or the water, but you didn’t stop. You had to be normal. You had to be happy. You owed everyone that. Sometimes it felt like you were caged behind your smile. Your joy had become a prison: a way to pay off all the bad things you’ve done.

Settling in bed, you grabbed your phone and responded to almost everyone. Finally, you reached Satoru’s message. 

Y/N: No worries! Congratulations! I expect an invitation lol :)

Satoru proposed to Akemi.

(Flash back to a year ago)

After that New York trip, you hated everyone. You hated your dad for pushing you into this marriage. You hated Getou for helping Satoru cheat on you during your marriage, but not understand why you wouldn’t want a baby with Satoru. You hated Satoru’s mom for projecting her self-loathing onto you. You hated your mom for dying. 

Above all else, you hated Satoru for what he did to you. He blamed you for a marriage he agreed to. He gaslit you into staying, knowing your selfless nature would do anything for his forgiveness. Even if that meant being a wife to a man in love. You hated him for taking you to the Bora Bora trip. You hated him for choosing your only friend to date. You hated that you had to go through months of emotional neglect and abuse for him to be kind. Just for Akemi to get it immediately. You hated that he became a better person only after using you. You hated him. You HATED him.

A spiteful part of your heart almost laughed. You were right! All the reasons he loved you, he found in her. You saw all the pictures he had of her. You saw the way he would caress her fingers. You saw him waiting for her. He never loved you! You were just convenient. And that’s why he loved her! Because she was convenient. Had you never sent her to meet him, they wouldn’t have fallen in love. If anything, he would be dating the nurse! Gojo Satoru doesn’t love. He just clings on to what’s closest. 

You spent a month marinating in these thoughts. In the week where you didn’t have Sachiro, you wouldn’t leave the office. You had begun sleeping there. You lost weight. Your face was pale. You were a walking corpse. You got assistants to pick up and drop off Sachiro. You never spoke to Satoru. 

This was to be your life now. After spending three days in the basement of the office creating, cutting, and sowing, Nobara finally convinced you to leave.

“Seriously Y/N, this is the 4th time I’ve had to get you gauze instead of bandages. I know you’re hurt, and I know you’re trying to distract yourself. But this is getting dangerous. Not only for you but for the clothes! We can’t sell anything if it has your blood all over it!” She tried to joke at the end

 As you finished wrapping the gauze around your forearm, you pitifully looked at her. She was so young and innovative. Despite being an intern, you had already set aside a permanent spot in the company for her. Stop burdening her with your problems.

Blinking away your sorrowful expression, you laughed. “Guess I gotta wrap myself in gauze and bandages before getting to work right?”

“Or you could just take a break. Jeez, I never thought workaholic millionaires existed.”

Ruffling her head as you walked towards her. “Thank you for waiting for me. You really didn’t have to. I promise, I won’t take advantage of your kindness. Go ahead and go home, I’ll lock up.”

Stunned, she took a second to respond. Your eyes were different right now. They were vulnerable and sad, but they were so kind at the same time.

“It’s no problem! Really! Thank you Y/N. Let’s work hard together.” Bowing, she made her way out of the store. Maybe you were going to get better?

After cleaning up, you placed the small stuffed bear you were working on in your small bag. Locking the store behind you, you headed towards your apartment. You had made the choice to move out. You were so filled with anger all the time. It would kill you if you were to accidentally lash out against the people you treasured. It was a tough conversation, but you needed space. 

As you walked, you decided last minute to head into a craft store. You needed a simple heart locket. Then you could gift the toy to your son.

With only one mission and energy drinks fueling you, you almost didn’t notice them. It wasn’t until you heard your son’s gleeful laughter did you perk up. Peering through the aisles, you saw him. No, you saw them. They both held your son’s hands as they looked at the toys. Letting go only when he would rush over to the loudest or brightest thing. Finally, he settled on a small plush. It had no lights and didn’t make any noise. They encouraged him to get something more expensive. Something flashier. But he didn’t. He wanted the light pink bunny. 

“It makes me think of mama!”

You saw Satoru and Akemi falter. It seemed that even the mention of your name silenced them. Your heart was beating so loud, you were sure they could hear it too. Leaning down Satoru ruffled his head. 

“Aren’t you a sweet little munchkin! Oh, but look at this!” 

You heart almost stopped. You saw Satoru redirect Satchiro’s attention to a cooler, bigger toy. As any kid would, he dropped the stuffed bunny and ran towards the huge toy. Gojo and Akemi exchanged relieved expressions. After purchasing the toy, they headed out. 

Walking into the aisle, you picked the bunny up. Holding it, you inspected its simplicity. Looking at the face, you realized why the bunny reminded him of you. The bunny had little tear dops in its eyes. Rushing to the cashier, you bought the bunny and the heart locket. It appears that you rushed too fast, as by the time you exited the store, they were still there. 

Sachiro, the spoiled child he was, was throwing a tantrum at having to be put in the car seat. As if he could detect your presence, Satoru immediately looked up. He saw you holding the bunny toy. His eyes filled with guilt and embarrassment. He knew that you were going to be upset. Of course you were. You were always angry at something. Nonetheless, he called you over. You were still the mother of his child.

After seeing the domestic moment in the store, you wanted to go up to them and give them a piece of your mind. You wanted to yell at them at the very least. But no, you walked over to them. Refusing to look up. 

At the mention of your name Sachiro perked up. Although he was already strapped into the seat, he did his best to peek out of the car door.

“Hi Y/N”. the tension was palpable. Choosing to ignore him, you approached Sachiro.

“Hi my little star! How are you? Did you have fun today?”

“Hi mommy! I missed you! Wanna go home! We did a lot of stuff-hmm mommy what are you holding?”

Remembering you were holding the bunny, you quickly hid it behind you back. “Just work stuff baby. I’m happy to hear you had fun! Mommy has to go, but I’ll see you this Sunday, ok baby?”

Giving him a big kiss, you did your best to hug him and said goodbye. 

Without looking up, you thanked Gojo and Akemi and began walking away. As soon as you got home, you set the plush down and pulled out your own. They both looked so ugly in your bandaged hands. Gently setting down the plush bunny, you tightly held onto the bear’s neck. Slowly, the pressure increased, and you were chocking the bear as tears streamed down your face. It was so ugly. This ugly bear in your ugly hands in your ugly home. Everything was so ugly. 

A beep from your phone broke you from this trance. It was from Satoru. 

Satoru: Hey

Satoru: Just wanted to let you know that we meant no harm in not getting him the bunny.

Then why? Why not get him that stupid toy! Sachiro is my kid! I am his mom! If he wanted that toy, then you should have gotten it! You almost wrote everything you thought. But no- no you were wrong. Sachiro wasn’t yours. Satoru had every right to get his son whatever he wanted. You kept Sachiro away from him for three years. You were the bad guy. 

Trembling you came to the realization. Rushing to the bathroom, you stripped yourself of all the clothes and the bandages. You looked at yourself in the mirror. You almost barfed. You were a monster. You were disgusting. Disfigured. Non-human.

Is this how Satoru felt?

The worst part of you were your eyes. They were so dead. Did you always look like this? How could anyone even stand to look at you? You were vile.

You had change. You spiraled into an abyss of anger and resentment. You lost yourself. Where was the sweet girl you once were. Growing a backbone didn’t mean you had to change. After a quick shower filled with tears, you got dressed and headed into the spare room. You spent the rest of the night making a light blue bunny. Unlike the store bought one, this one was smiling. It was happy. Sowing the heart locket onto the chest, you put in a small image of you and Sachiro. 

You had to be better. You had to be kind.

Grabbing the phone, you replied.

Y/N: Thank you for reaching out, but really, I didn’t mind! 

Y/N: Good night!

The next day, you didn’t go to work. Instead, you were at a café, waiting for someone to show up. You felt awful, but you knew this was the best thing to do. You had to be kind. Even if that meant being a villain. If being evil is the price you pay, then you will gladly pay it. Even more people would hate you. Everyone would. But you knew what you were doing was good. You had to be good. 

As soon as he walked in, you knew that he knew. His furrowed brow and tight jaw made it obvious that he was upset. And he had every right to be. Any anger and hate he harbored for you, you would accept.

“Toji, here’s your coffee. I’m so incredibly sorry for calling you at the last minute. I appreciate the time you took out of your day to meet with me”

He didn’t even sit down. He didn’t take the coffee.

Its now or never. Getting on your knees, you placed your hands on the floor and bowed. Your forehead was almost touching the floor. 

“Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being a shoulder to lean on. Thank you for letting me join your family. Thank you for everything Toji. And I am so sorry for not giving you an ounce of it back. I am a selfish monster. I took everything you gave me and more. I was never a good fiancé. I wasn’t even a good friend. I took advantage of your loneliness. I will never forget the time we had together. But I ask you to forget about me. You deserve a more honest person. A person who can give you everything you deserve and more.”

People were looking and many taking pictures. Noticing this, he grabbed you by your arm, and headed out of the café. His grip was strong; it was sure to leave a bruise in your forearm, he nearly threw you into the passenger side of the car, slamming the door. He walked over to his side and began driving. The car was silent. You took refuge in it. You knew what he was going to ask. And you had to lie. You had to make him hate you. 

Soon enough, he parked in a desolate park. He refused to look at you. You didn’t want to look at him either, but you did. You had to. 

After minutes of harrowing silence, he finally spoke in a low voice

“Did you sleep with him?”

You knew he was going to ask this. A tear slid down your cheek. Your hands had begun to bleed as you kept them in closed fists.

“Yes”

He still didn’t look at you.

“Bullshit. You forget that I can see through your lies. I know why you’re doing this. You love him. You never stopped. Even after all the shit he put you through you still want him. Why now? Three years and I wasn’t enough for you. I defend you; I support you... all for what? For you to run back to your abuser. Every time I think your mine, you disrespect me. You humiliate me. You’re doing to me what that fucker did to you.”

“…Yes. I am. That’s why you have to leave me Toji. I can’t stand my reflection. I am so selfish-”

“Shut up. Don’t play the ‘pity me’ card. God, you really are something. The forever victim.”

You stayed quiet. In a perfect world, you would defend yourself. You would tell him that you aren’t trying to be the victim. You never were! You see that now. 

“You’re right.”

“All those fucking articles were right about you. I spent so much time, so much energy telling you they were lies. Turns out strangers know you better than I do. You are a two-timing bitch. You are selfish. You’re insatiable. Why couldn’t I have been enough for you. How the hell was I competing with the man who never loved you? And losing! You deserve nothing, you know that… You never left that room, did you?”

“W-what room?”

“That hospital room. Sure, you’re older now. You’ve been to a million places. But mentally? Mentally, you’re still in that hospital room. There is no cure for your loneliness. Face it Y/N, the problem has and always will be you. If you want to die next to your mom, be my guest. But you need to leave that room Y/N. If not for you, for your kid.”

He stayed quiet. It was your turn to speak. He didn’t want to hear you, but his patient nature told him to give you a chance. Not to defend yourself. But rather explain yourself.

“You’re right Toji. I think that’s why I always look for you. You always have the wisest things to say. And I know that. I’ve let the world pass me by. I have a void in my heart and its rotted me from the inside out. I’ll spend my entire life working for your forgiveness. And my lifetime might not be enough for that. You are everything to me. And that’s why I can’t let myself continue to poison you. I’ve changed you for the worst.”

You two sat in silence. You could hear his uneven breath. Reaching out you put hand on his shoulder. For the first time he turned to look at you. And there he saw it. Your eyes. 

Red and puffy with tears, your face for once didn’t look as haunted as usual. There was always this air of anger around you. Your shoulders were always tense. Eyebrows always furrowed. Not now. You looked younger. Instead of the anger that had clouded your eyes, he could finally see his reflection.

You didn’t look happy per se, but you looked aware. He looked at the hand on his shoulder. Even after everything he said, you were comforting him? This was the old you. The selfless to a fault Y/N. He couldn’t tell if this was a good or bad thing. 

He then noticed the mark on your forearm, already purple. In the shape of his hands. Reaching out he gently caressed the bruises, guilt settling in the pit of his stomach. You grabbed his hand and brought it to your lips. 

“Don’t worry about it. I love you Toji. Please, forget me.”

When the news broke out that you had ended your relationship, Ian did his best to remove a lot of the posts. It was hard since there were so many shots of you on the floor begging for forgiveness. If you didn’t look guilty then, now you did. Why else would you be apologizing? But you didn’t mind. Instead, you focused on removing any article that spoke badly on Toji. Especially after some pictures of you and that hand-print bruise were published. 

Fortunately, your brand had already been established. And while the coverage halted some planned promotions and runways, by the end of the month everything was normal again.

You changed your phone to a flip phone. You did your best to text Satoru about pick up times. Most often he wouldn’t respond. Instead, you would have to call Miwa. On the rare occasion that he did, you would spend the rest of the day crying. You cried so much. You couldn’t help but remember that way they both held Sachiro’s hands. The domestic life you would never provide for him. 

Often you would contemplate if you should have accepted him. Did you really love him? Or was it just easier to love him? You couldn’t trust yourself. Your mind was in ruins. You had no one. Since your change in attitude, people have become nicer to you. But you weren’t happy. And you stopped letting people get close. You even began to push away Gen and Ian. Monthly, you would meet with your dad and that was it.

Was life good? No, but it was better. You would be content if life stayed like this. But now, a year after your failed marriage, Satoru was going to prepare his own.

(Present time)

The day after receiving that message, it was published everywhere. It was the only thing articles were talking about. With the mentions of Satoru’s new marriage, you were put into the spotlight again.

The paparazzi swarmed you. Leaving your house had become difficult. They harassed you. Pushing you while demanding you answer questions. You smiled. You thanked them for their time. You would bid them farewell. It was too dangerous that you could no longer pick your son up. Not that you minded. You didn’t want to see how happy they were. Not until you were done healing at least.

You spent the weekend doing everything Sachiro wanted. Breakfast in bed? Of course. Quick trip to the local festival? Duh. Building a fort? Obviously. 

By the time Sunday night came he was so tired. All he asked was that you sing to him before his dad picked him up. Now you sat with Sachiro’s head on your lap. Normally, a bodyguard would meet you at your door and take your son downstairs as to not garner attention. 

As soon as the knock came, you gently laid his head on couch. Slowly you opened the door, expecting to see the normal guard.

“Thank- oh. Good evening, Satoru. Are you here to pick up Sachiro?”

He looked past you and saw Sachiro sleeping. Letting himself in, he sat on the couch and petted Sachi’s head. After moments of silence, he finally spoke up. 

“Yes, but I also came because I need to talk to you.”

Solemnly, you nodded. “I actually have something to say as well. I was planning to email it later, but if you’re here then we should discuss. Would you like anything?”

Satoru couldn’t help but stare at you. Just a year ago, he had buried the old you. It was his fault he knew that. If you were mean and angry, it was because he made you that way. The damage was irreparable. But here he saw her again. Or at least a glimpse of her. 

Even though he didn’t respond, you still handed him a water bottle.

“Did you want to go first?” 

“Um, yes. I just... I just wanted to apologize for not letting you know. I was planning on calling you, but I got distracted. I’m sorry you had to learn that way.”

“Silly. We all flub up sometimes. I would have appreciated knowing so that I could explain it to Sachiro. Thank you for apologizing.”

Even though you were smiling, he could tell you were sad. Your eyes were distant. It was like you had detached yourself from everyone. Somehow, he already missed that angry Y/N. At least he knew what you were thinking. Now, it felt like when you two had gotten married. How you smiled every time he yelled at you. He expected you would say the “I don’t care what you do with your life” speech and spitefully kick him out. He could sleep well knowing you hated him. But seeing your smile, it felt like he was cheating again. No. No, you asked for him to forget you. This is good. You’re getting better. But is returning to your selfless self better? That’s when you suffered the most. That’s what changed you. 

You didn’t give him much time to think as you started to speak. 

“Satoru, can I ask you for a favor?”

He knew what you were going to say. This nice act can’t last forever. This was the angry Y/N he knew. 

“Can you take care of Sachiro for a couple of months? I know it’s a lot, but I have some... business to take care of. I would take him with me, but I don’t want to separate you from him anymore than I already have.”

Oh? 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll take care of him. I can’t believe you had to ask. He’s my son, of course I will take care of him.”

His tone had changed. He had gotten angry at the mention of the three years. You didn’t react. You just thanked him.

Gojo enjoyed his week with Sachiro and Akemi. It felt like they had a family. This is what he wanted. Sure, you were Sachiro’s real mom, but Akemi was also kind of like a mom. He noticed how well the two got along. He sought comfort in her and laughed with her. Yes. This is good. 

Yet, he couldn’t help but think about you. 

Every time Sachiro offered the first bite of his food to him. Every time Sachiro defended the annoying people at the mall. Every time Sachiro smiled, Satoru saw you. Yes, Sachiro looked exactly like him, but everything about him was you. It was all you.

His heart almost broke when he saw Sachiro singing to his stuffed animals. 

“Hey munchkin. BedTIME!” He joyfully grabbed Sachiro and swung him around the room. Instead of laughing, Sachiro began to pout. 

“No playing at bedtime dada. No”

“Oh, my bad Sachi.” He was a replica of you. 

Satoru sat on the bed as Sachiro headed to the bathroom, pulled out his step stool and began cleaning his face. After finishing his regiment, he waddled back into the room and settled himself into bed. 

“Is dada going to read me a story?”

“Can I sing to you instead munchkin?”

“Hmmm… no thank you dada.”

“Aww you’re a meanie! Um, but actually I need to talk to you about something serious.”

“Mhmm”

“You like Akemi, right? Dada likes her a lot. But it’s very important that you like her.”

“Yesh! Akemi is nice!”

He knew that this was wrong, but he had to ask. “Do you ever think Akemi could be like momma?”

Immediately tears sprouted from the boy’s eyes. He started frantically grabbing and throwing some of his toys. 

“NO! Mommy is Mommy! No one else is mommy! I hate Akemi! I hate her! I want mommy! Mommy!!”

Sachiro was screeching. Gojo was thankful that Akemi was in another room. She really did love Sachiro, and it would have broken her heart to hear him say that.

He held Sachiro close, trying to console him. “Shhh, baby. Daddy didn’t mean that ok? No one will replace mommy. Mommy is all yours.” Sachiro cried until his tears tired him out. No, I can’t tell him. Not today. Maybe Y/N should tell him instead. Sorry Y/N. I’m using your selflessness again. 

Soon enough the week ended, and he passed him back to you. Instead of showing up in person, as he did last time, he sent the bodyguards to take him. He was being cowardly, he knew. But he couldn’t risk Sachiro hating him. It’s your fault their relationship is so weak. It should only be right that it’s your job to explain everything to Sachiro. Right?

Satoru: Hey, I tried to tell him about me and Akemi. He didn’t respond very well. Could you explain it to him?

You almost rolled your eyes at the message. You were being punished. You knew that. But you responded with a simple ‘Ok’ anyway. 

Switch offs happened at night to make sure that each parent spent the majority of the day with Sachiro. You and Sachiro headed to the bathroom and completed your nightly routine all while dancing and occasionally teasing each other. This is what you lived for. Yes, you were lonely all the time. But you weren’t lonely with him. He was your reason to exist. It was going to hurt you being away from him for so long. But this would be good for everyone. This would be your last act of selflessness. This would atone for every bad thing you did.  

By the time you cleaned up all the splashed water, Sachiro was already in bed ready for his song. Instead, you sat on the floor. 

“Hey star boy, I need to talk to you. It’s going to be serious, ok?”

As soon as you finished the sentence, he burst into tears. Hugging you close he shook his head in a no motion.

“NO! I hate her! I hate her! She’s not mommy! Mommy is mommy! Mommy is my star and I’m her star! Not Akemi!”

Confused you held him tight. You cooed and brushed his snow-white hair back. “No Akemi won’t replace me baby.”

He pulled away to look up at you. “Daddy asked me! He asked me if Akemi could be mommy! I said no!”

You sighed dejectedly. This is why it didn’t go well. Your son was naturally altruistic. He would have understood and accepted had Gojo explained everything normally. But it seems that Gojo had made a selfish request. Why is it always my job to clear up Satoru’s name? Why can he be selfish and be the victim, but I can’t? No! No, I can’t think that! I’ve been selfish my whole life! Satoru is a victim. This will all be solved soon…

“My star, he didn’t mean it that way. Listen to me Sachiro. Me and you are a family, right? Me and you were also part of Toji’s family. Sometimes, when you love someone, you can add them to your family. Mommy messed up with Toji, and I’m no longer part of their family. But Satoru has someone he loves. Is it ok for her to join our family?”

You had dumped a lot of information on him. It took a second to process everything. 

“So, we aren’t family with Toji?”

“I’m not baby. But you will always be, ok. That’s how love works. They love you a lot.”

“Are you and daddy family?”

“Yes, we are. You make us a family.”

“But does mommy love daddy?”

You were stumped. This is probably why Satoru didn’t want this conversation. So, you answered honestly.

“Yes, mommy loves daddy.”

“Then why does daddy love Akemi?”

“Love is strange, baby. Sometimes you love people more. And he loves Akemi more. Is that ok?”

He took a second to think

“I guess…”

“Thank you for being so selfless Sachiro.” You stopped to think. “But if you’re ever not okay, then you have to tell someone, ok? Its ok to be selfish too.” You were just projecting, but you knew it was important for him to hear that too.

“Ok?”

“Speaking of being selfish… Mommy is going away for a couple of months.” As expected, he started bawling. He started kicking and throwing. He was loud. He was angry. He was betrayed

“NO! NO! Mommy can’t go! Mommy can’t leave me! She can’t! I’ll be a good boy I promise! I’ll eat every veggie! I won’t cry anymore! Mommy can’t leave!! It’s Akemi’s fault! Her fault! That’s why mommy cries so much! Its daddy too! Mommy never cried!”

You started crying too. All those times you thought you hid your tears he saw. He saw everything. This was the worst-case scenario. You had to leave. You couldn’t let him see you like that anymore. You had to leave that hospital room. Toji was right.

You held onto him. Even when he began to hit you. Even when he rubbed his snot over you. You waited until he calmed down, Silent tears were streaming down his face.

“Can we go back to New York mommy? I hate it here. Daddy is mean to mommy. Mommy cries all the time. Mommy is lonely and sad while Daddy is happy. It’s not ok.”

You wiped his tears away. 

“Sachiro, don’t say that. Mommy is paying the price for being bad. Daddy deserves to be happy. He loves you so so much. Please forget everything bad, Sachiro. Daddy wasn’t mean to me. If he was, I wouldn’t let you stay with him, right? Mommy isn’t lonely. She has you. Mommy will never be sad as long as Sachiro is here. You’re like my superhero! Mommy is struggling and she needs to fix some stuff so she can be a better mommy for you ok, baby? None of this is your fault. I have to go, but I promise you, this will be better for you and for me. I promise with my whole heart. The second I get everything sorted out, I’ll pick you up. This hurts me too, baby. But I need to be a better mommy for you. None of this if your fault. Don’t you ever think that. Hey, to help my little star, I have present for you.”

You stood up and presented him with a white, sleek box. It had beautiful light blue ribbon on it. He held it but refused to open it. 

“I even got myself a present so we could match!”

You pulled out your own white box. Seeing that you both had a present, he was more willing to open his. It was a phone. You had a matching one. You really didn’t want another phone, as you were content with the flip phone you already had. It made ignoring all the evil things people said about you a lot easier to manage. 

“When mommy’s gone, we can call each other all the time. I’ll respond to every text. I’ll answer every phone call. I promise. I won’t be gone for long. But I’ll text you so much you’ll wish I was.”

This garnered a small giggle from him. 

“Don’t worry baby, we have the rest of the week. We’ll do everything you want.”

He nodded glumly. He wasn’t too happy, but he felt a lot better knowing he could reach out to you. 

You slept with him. Holding him close, you did your best to treasure these moments.

When Sunday night finally came, you asked Satoru to pick him up personally. This was a big change, even if it was temporary. You wanted Sachiro to be as relaxed as possible. You and him sat on the couch. You had packed a bunch of his valuables and even some pictures so that he wouldn’t feel so lonely.  He was again on your lap, fighting to stay awake as you ran your fingers through his hair.

The serene moment was disrupted by the loud knocks coming from the door. Expecting to see Satoru you opened the door, only to see Akemi there. You did your best to keep your smile. It wasn’t that you hated her. No, she was your friend at one point to. But an evil part of you knew you could never forgive her. Not for dating Satoru, but for choosing him over your friendship. You told her everything, but because she never experienced it, she could ignore it. That is selfish.  As if you can critique others for being selfish. 

You welcome both of them. Sachiro already stood up, holding the blanket closely. He refused to look at his dad or Akemi. His eyes were already brimming with tears.

Bending down to his level, you caress his face. “It’s ok to cry, my star. But before you do, I have a gift for you.”

Reaching behind the couch, you presented him the light blue bunny you had made. His eyes widened and he squealed in joy Running to hug it he struggled opening the locket. One he did, he looked at you with the biggest smile on his face. He ran and hugged your knees. 

“Whenever you miss mommy, give that bunny a big hug, and I’ll feel it. Have fun with Daddy. You must be a good boy. Call me whenever you want, but I promise to call you every day. Mommy just needs to get some work done and then everything will be back to normal ok?”

After a couple minutes of holding each other, he finally walked over to where Satoru was. He raised his hands asking to be picked up. 

“Thank you, Satoru. Thank you, Akemi. I trust you two will take wonderful care of him.” You bowed at a 90-degree angle. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you leaving?” You hadn’t spoken to Akemi in a while. For a couple months, she stayed employed with you. Yet, after your official break up with Toji, she immediately resigned. You always wondered if she thought you did it because of Satoru. 

Smiling gently you respond, “I’m sorry, I can’t say. It’s nothing crazy, I promise! I just need some time.”

“It’s not because of…”

“Goodness no! I know I haven’t been the most supportive. I’ve been downright awful. I hope both of you forgive me for how I acted. It was selfish and attention seeking. I don’t expect any special invitation, but please know that I support this relationship. I’m glad you two found each other. Truly”

Satoru almost flinched at the words you used. The guilt of you actually believing all the nasty things he said to you weighed heavy on him. He almost regretted bringing Akemi here. If she wasn’t, he would have consoled you. Even if it only would have been a hand on your shoulder. 

The worst part about hearing you subscribe to all his insults was seeing the honesty behind it. You did think you were a terrible person.

Before either of them could say anything, you started ushering them out. 

“You guys must head out now! Sachiro still needs his night routine. He has school tomorrow, and he’s already stayed up so late. If you guys feel like he’s too tired, I don’t mind if he doesn’t go. It’s your call. Thank you both for everything!”

You nearly pushed them out of the apartment. As soon as that door closed, you broke down. This was going to be one of the hardest things you’ve done. But you had to do it. 

Nearly two months have passed. Satoru relished every second he had with his son. He has never felt more like a family than he did now. Everything was perfect. 

If it weren’t for the bunny he carried everywhere. Or the fact that Sachiro couldn’t do anything without having to send his mom a text. Sending a sleepy blurry selfie was more important than getting dressed. He would facetime you every night before going to sleep. There were times where he even ignored Satoru in lieu of sending you a selfie with a filter on top of it.

Satoru heard and saw more of you now, than he did in the last year. 

Even Akemi was getting a little frustrated. 

Yet, Satoru wasn’t just frustrated. He felt guilty. Your presence at the house had become so abundant, that he would often stay in Sachiro’s room just to hear you sing. He did his best to mind his business, but in the cases where he saw the silly selfie you would send back. It would plague his mind for the rest of the day. 

From the few glimpses he got, he could tell that something was changing. You weren’t in the office, or in any modern building it seemed. You were a lot livelier. You were happier?

How could a mom be happier away from her child? He would nearly scoff out loud at the thought. Maybe this was your way of giving him full custody? No there was no way. 

The next day, after sending Sachiro to school, he headed to the office. It was a usual day. He was glad he was able to save the company. He really was going to lose all this over you? No. He loved you. And you didn’t love him. But Akemi did. And his workers needed him.

As he continued working, suddenly Miwa and Nanami both presented themselves. Miwa was always easy to read. She was skittish and nervous. Nanami, on the other hand, was harder to read, but he could tell he was a little unsure as well.  “Nanami! Miwa! What bring you in here? I reviewed my schedule already. Is there something I missed?”

Miwa cracked first. “Um... Mr. Gojo, have you been in contact with Ms. Y/N recently?”

“She calls Sachiro nearly every day. Did something happen?”

“Well, have you been in contact in the last hour?”

“Miwa may you please get to the point?”

Nervously, she looked up at Nanami. Sighing and pushing his glasses up, he handed Satoru the iPad. “None of this means anything. And if something did happen, it is not your responsibility. It’s just rather strange.”

Gojo looked over the screen. In big bold letters there it was:

Y/N STEPS DOWN FROM HEARTS COMPANY. 

Y/N SELLS OVER A MILLION IN STOCKS

HEARTES INTRODUCES NEW CEO AND CREATIVE DESIGNER

Y/N RESIGNS FROM COMPANY

Y/N’S APARTMENT UP FOR SALE?!

Gojo looked at the headlines frantically. He knew what all this was implying. Yet, he needed verification. He couldn’t fathom the thought that you would have… No there’s no way. You have Sachiro. You wouldn’t do this.

“Um... what exactly does this have to do with me Nanami?”

“It means nothing. It seems that Y/N has done some irrational choices that garnered some attention from the media. That’s all this is. Unfortunately, you know how convoluted your history is with her. Some people might assume that since she’s acting out in such an illogical and hysterical manner, that she may be going through a manic episode. A manic episode that may precede…” Nanami couldn’t finish the sentence. 

His heart was beating. No, there’s no way you could be gone. No. No. You made a promise! You promised to return for Sachiro. Right Sachiro. That’s why Gojo is feeling so bothered and anxious. He’s worried for the mother of his child, that’s all. 

“I think… I think I’ll head home. If she has been in contact with anyone, it would be my son. Thank you for letting me know.”

As he made his way to the car, he couldn’t help but speed. He needed to make sure you were ok... for the sake of Sachiro.

On the way, he received a phone call from Akemi. Normally, he would have pulled over and answered her. But not today. He drove, breaking most speed laws all the way home. He barely turned his car off as he rushed the door. Yet, as he got to the door, he found a box. It was for Sachiro Gojo. Without hesitation, he looked at the sender’s address in the corner and typed it in. It was a two-hour drive, but he didn’t care. This box didn’t prove anything. You must have sent it days ago. If you had planned to do this all at once that meant only one thing. You were planning to commit. There was no other option. With only this one mission fueling him, he unknowingly kept ignoring Akemi’s calls

After an hour and a half of driving, Gojo started to notice his surroundings. This was an older city. There were multiple shrines and elders. There were very few cars. A lot of cats.  This was weird. He continued following the GPS. He passed the city and made his way up the mountainous region. By 5 pm. He had reached an isolated house on top of the hills. The land was relatively flat once he got up there. There was an impressive house. It looked new. The house wasn’t a mansion, but it was still large. The lights in what he assumed the kitchen were on. Hesitantly, he knocked.

Soon enough someone opened the door. No, not someone, you did

There stood you. You looked younger, happier, kinder. Unlike last time, your happiness didn’t feel like a mask. It felt genuine. He couldn’t marinate in his confusion as you grabbed his hand and pulled him in. 

“Hi Gojo! I’m shocked to see you here! Come in! Let me get you a lemonade. It must have been a long drive.”

You sat him down on your couch. He couldn’t help but think about that mansion. The one where you were supposed to start and raise a family. This one was a lot cozier, with the architecture of it being rounder in a way. It felt like a cottage despite its massive size. There were a lot of plants. On the walls were framed pictures. Mostly of Sachiro. A lot were ones he’s never seen. There were a lot of selfies of you two. And hidden between all of them was that Disneyland photo. It was when he had amnesia. When he thought you were cheating. Before he knew of all your lies. That instantly ruined his mood. 

Placing a coaster, you set his drink down. He couldn’t help but notice that the coasters were made with images of Sachiro’s drawings. 

“The lemonade is rather tart since the lemons are homegrown. So, I went ahead and added a bit of sugar. But here’s some more if you like. I don’t know if you still have the same sweet tooth. So, if I put too much sugar, let me know! I’ll get you another cup!” You set down a jar with sugar. You were so talkative. The last time you spoke this much with him was when you were kids. 

He didn’t move. Noticing his discomfort, you kept talking. “I was going to call you tomorrow. But I’m glad to see you. Did you come alone?”

“Y/N, I thought you committed suicide.”

You deflated slightly. Somberly you looked around the room. With a gentle smile, you looked at him. It was like you had puppy dog eyes. He could get lost in them. It had been a year since he was attracted to you, but he couldn’t help but want to lean closer to you. To breathe your air. He stopped himself in time

“It all happened kinda fast right? I was hoping that by doing it all at once, it would be like ripping the band aid off, y’know? People are bound to talk, so instead of doing it slowly and reigniting interest in my life every couple of weeks, I thought it would be easier if I just made one big splash and let the water settle from there.”

It felt like he was in a different dimension. You spoke so casually to him. It almost felt like he was the weird one. In disbelief, he stayed quiet.

Taking a deep breath, you continued. “Honestly, I did plan to. To commit suicide, I mean.  So, I guess you weren’t completely wrong.”

He stared at you. How you casually admitted to your suicidal ideations.

“What? You can’t be the only one to be suicidal right?” You joked, hoping to ease the tension. It did the exact opposite. 

“Y/N I need you to fucking explain everything. No jokes”

Your gaze hardened. “Gojo, you do not disrespect me in my house. I have welcomed you because you are my child’s father, but I will forbid you from coming here again if you speak to me like that again.”

He remained silent but nodded. It was weird. You definitely had grown a backbone since he last saw you in your apartment. Just a couple months ago, you looked like the submissive, docile, doormat you once were. But now? Now you confident and strong without sacrificing your trusting and selfless nature. You were a perfect blend of your youth and your experience. 

“This is my way of asking for forgiveness. From everyone. I’ve done a lot of awful things. Since that New York trip, I became vindictive. I became evil. I didn’t know why. How could I be jealous that the man I encouraged to move on moved on? I was changing Satoru. I had thought that being mean and cold was a way to protect myself. But in reality, I had gotten worse. I couldn’t stand my reflection. Then, I saw you Akemi and my star at the store. You remember right? With the pink bunny? You all looked so happy. It was the life Sachiro deserved. I went home and saw myself. Really saw myself. I couldn’t recognize who that person in the mirror was. Since then, I was determined to seek forgiveness from everyone I wronged. My first thought was to kill myself. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to my star. Even now, I find myself fantasizing about just jumping off that cliff… I even planted flowers there so whenever Sachiro visited, he would feel safe. But I can’t. That’s why I have all these photos and drawings of him. If I keep thinking of him, I’ll never have time to contemplate killing myself.”

Gojo couldn’t stop his eyes from watering. He almost reached out to grab your hands. He closed his hands harshly, forcing himself not to move. “But Y/N... you didn’t do anything wrong. I mean, you have done wrong. But we all have. You shouldn’t have to punish yourself for existing.”

Always and empath, you leaned forward and placed a cute octopus squishy in his hands. He quietly accepted it, showing the indents his nails made on palm “You don’t want to accidentally cut yourself. I learned that a little too late.” You laughed gently as you showed him your own palm. There were small scars in the shape of your nails. 

Holding the squishy in one hand, he used the other hand to inspect your hand. They were different. It was obvious that you still took care of your hands: soft, supple, perfect nail beds, trimmed nails. But upon further inspection, he could see multiple scars littering your fingers. His gaze drifted upwards to your forearm. There he saw some bigger scars. Some still scabbing. He could feel his own scar throb at the memory of the pain. Gojo couldn’t stop himself as some tears fell out. He couldn’t stop himself from tracing their outline.

“Why- why would you do this? You were alone the whole time? Then why? Y/N I don’t understand you? You were going to…”

He was interrupted by your melodious laughter. You pulled your hand away. “You’re too sweet Gojo. No. No these aren’t what you think they are. It’s just some office mistakes. I jumped into my work to fill that void of loneliness. But you know, it’s pretty dangerous to be handling sharp rotary cutters when you haven’t slept for days.” 

Grabbing his hand, you pulled him up. “Let’s go for a walk!”

Leading him to the back door, her couldn’t help but stare at your interlinked hands. The tips of his ears turned pink. He felt so young right now. No. No I can’t think like that. 

The back yard was like a Ghibli fantasy forest. It had plenty of lush green plants and flowers growing everywhere. In a corner there was a cute gazebo with two easels ready. One noticibly smaller than the other. There were plenty of trees a reasonable distance from the house. They provided a nice area of shade. Some grew peaches, others grew limes.  A stone path led to another corner where a sand pit was already set up. The entire perimeter was protected with a gorgeous white fence. Tall enough that Sachiro wouldn’t be possible to scale it. There was one exit. You headed there still holding Gojo’s hand. Typing in a security code, the door opened, and you headed into the forest. After a 5-minute walk, the forest cleared and presented a cliff side. Undoubtedly it was gorgeous. The ocean was beautiful. Flowers and clovers surrounded the area. 

He didn’t realize how much time had passed until he saw that the sun was setting. You let go of his hand and sat down, resting your head on your knees. You always had that curious habit of returning to a fetal position. Settling next to you, he couldn’t stop himself from looking at you. You looked ethereal. With the sun in your face, the wind in your hair. There was a gentle smile playing on your lips as you stared at the ocean. 

“Gojo…”

He couldn’t help but squish the little octopus. He didn’t know why it hurt him to hear you call him only by his last name.

“I disagree with what you said earlier. I should be punished for my existence. I’ve done nothing good. Born into a life of luxury, and I still managed to want more… When Toji broke up with me, he told me something very valuable. He told me that I was stuck in my mother’s hospital room. That I never left. And he’s right. Ever since my mom died, I became a walking corpse. I cursed myself with eternal loneliness. And yet, I so wanted to fight that loneliness. So when my father mentioned the marriage, I was ecstatic. Although we haven’t spoken in years and you refused to answer any messages I sent, my loneliness convinced me that you wanted it. I mean technically you did, but you didn’t really want it. I wonder, if I had never accepted that proposal, would you still be with Sera? Would any of this happened?”

The wind filled in for Gojo’s silence.

“My selfishness blinded me. I so badly wanted to be loved that I ignored any sign of resistance. Even when you told me that I would never compare to her, I wanted you to change for me. How pretentious. Had I just given up, then maybe you wouldn’t have thought that you loved me. When you couldn’t vanquish my loneliness, I searched for it in Toji. I abused his friendship just so that I wouldn’t be alone. When I figured out the real reason you married me, the reason you bought that house, the betrayal. That almost killed me Gojo. Imagine that. Even at my lowest I couldn’t stop seeking attention. I put myself over you, as usual. I lied and kept you from your child. I shouldn’t have been so selfish. It was okay that you didn’t love me. As long as you loved our child. But no selfish Y/N strikes again. Then, even though I knew I wasn’t ready, I still accepted when Toji proposed. I’m a monster. Just a year ago, I almost lost it. I was becoming unrecognizable Gojo. I couldn’t look at you and Akemi without getting angry. How was it fair, that I had to go through months of humiliation, which in hindsight, I did deserve, just for her to get the perfect boyfriend. I cried for months before you even held me. The first time we had sex, I had to beg you to kiss me. I hated her and I hated you. But that’s not your fault. Nor is it her’s. It’s mine. If I wasn’t so selfish and I didn’t think you loved me then none of this would have happened. I ruined so many lives because I couldn’t see past myself. If I didn’t use people to fill this abyss I have in my heart, I wouldn’t have caused you to almost commit suicide. I wouldn’t have taken Sera’s boyfriend from her. I wouldn’t have wasted Toji’s time. I wouldn’t have hurt your mom. None of this would have happened. I should have stayed in that hospital room. I should have asked them to bury me with her.”

You were crying now. Your hands shaky as they gripped tighter. You were curling in on yourself, wanting to disappear. 

“If I hadn’t been so awful, Sachiro wouldn’t have seen me cry so much.”

Gojo’s heart broke. All those lies. All those insults. You believed them. No. No you weren’t selfish. You were the opposite. You always put other above yourself, even if it hurt you. Of course, you’ve committed your share of sins, but never maliciously. You were too trusting, too eager to please. And to think he didn’t love you? That nearly shattered him. He may have moved on, but the love he had for you was real. Even though he may have forgotten how to love you: even though he may have abused you: even though he didn’t deserve to love you, he has never stopped loving you since you were young. 

He reached out a hand to soothe your back as you hiccupped through your gentle tears. You had a special charm that made everything you did look beautiful. But he paused seeing how stunning you were despite the tears on your face. He almost kissed you. But he didn’t. Not because he held himself back, but because he saw your eyes. 

As you stared into the ocean, your eyes changed from their vulnerable and kind state to a detached, disconnected gaze. Almost like you were hypnotized by the sea. The waves calling you. It was the same gaze he had when he was suicidal. 

“After seeing you at the store, I realized that I needed to atone for my sins. I needed to seek forgiveness. That night was actually the night I realized I needed to commit suicide. Not to ease my own pain, no that’s a selfish reason. I wanted to commit suicide so that everyone’s bad thoughts, everyone’s problems, and every bad thing I did could die with me. If everyone took turns spitting on my grave, I wouldn’t mind. As long as I was no longer causing problems, it would have been worth it. I spent the whole night making a new stuffed animal for him. I cut myself a lot by accident, but I didn’t mind. That was going to be his last gift. My existence is a mistake. Me dying would be a gift to the world.”

“And?”

“And I clearly decided not to. I owe my life to Sachiro. As long as he needs me, I will live for him. I want to die, Gojo. I want to give everyone the life they had before they met me. I want everyone to be happy again. But I can’t. Because I have my little star. I’m evil Gojo. I’m a black hole. I pull people in, only to destroy them. I’m afraid one day I might do that to him too.”

You turned to look at him, tears streaming down your face. 

“It kills me to know that one day I’ll hurt him too. But he loves me so much. He fills the void in my heart. I’m not lonely when I’m with him and I know its selfish, but the way he looks at me... The way he looks at me almost makes me think I’m a good person.”

Gojo continued staring at you. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Hearing you talk about yourself this way hurt him immensely. It almost felt like he was drowning. No, you didn’t get better. None of your problems were solved. You just learned to live with them. 

You leaned close to Gojo. The honesty in your eyes almost scared him. “Gojo, if you ever notice that Sachiro is suffering being with me, I need you to tell me. The second I start poisoning him, I’ll kill myself.”

The conviction behind your words paralyzed him. You two sat there for a minute. He didn’t know what to say. He knew what this felt like. He knew the exact emotions you were drowning in. But he couldn’t help but think that you were a lot worse. You have begun to hate your entire existence. You had no one. The amount of self-hate you had was shocking. 

After a couple minutes of silence, you wiped your tears away. Standing up you offered your hand to him. 

Looking at you now, it felt like he was in an alternate dimension. One where he confessed when he was younger. One where he never met Sera. One when he got on a knee and properly proposed. And he almost believed it. Just as he reached to grab your hand, he finally noticed how his phone was ringing. Looking down he saw Akemi’s number. He looked at you apologetically. You smiled kindly and continued to offer your hand. As his bigger hand enveloped yours, he imagined pulling you in close and kissing you in the sunset. Just like the romance novels you loved. As soon as he stood up, though, you released his hand. Walking past him you headed back to you house. 

You were giving him privacy. He was at crossroads; stay here and answer the phone or chase after you. All those times he didn’t. Maybe he should this time. No. He’s going to get married. He’s made his choice. And like usual, he didn’t chase after you. 

He spent some time with Akemi on the phone. He explained the entire situation to her. He omitted everything you told him, though. That was for him only. He calmed her down and promised he would be home by the end of the night.

Walking back to your house, he smelled the pasta you used to love so much. You only ever cooked it for him once. He saw you humming as you stirred the pasta with the sauce. 

“Y/N, I’m going to head out now. Akemi is worried. You should call your family too. They’re probably worried too.”

You turned to him. You looked like a picture-perfect housewife with the apron you had on. You hummed in agreement. 

“They already know, but thank you for the suggestion. It was nice seeing you. Would you like some food to take for the trip?”

He should say no. There’s no way to explain leaving work to spend the whole day with your ex-wife to your fiancé. Much less if he brought food with him. 

“Sure.”

You packed it into some cute tupperware. It had little duckies on the lids. He just realized how much you changed financially as well. Besides the large house, one would never assume you came from wealth. There was very little name brand stuff. A lot of the decorations were local. 

Noticing his curious gaze as you handed the Tupperware to him, you giggled.

“If we see each other again, feel free to ask any questions. We’ve both changed a lot. I hope next time you talk a bit more. I kinda hogged the whole conversation today huh?”

You walked him to the door and waved him goodbye. 

He spent the next two hours just re-living that time. Already he missed being in your house. He could already imagine you, him, and Sachiro painting outside or going to the local city for festivals. Despite all the heartbreaking things you told him, all the awful things you thought of yourself, you managed to make a sanctuary. It was always in your nature to find the silver lining in every circumstance. You obviously needed a therapist. But a selfish part of him was glad that he was your confidante. As far as he was concerned, only he knew of how you felt, where you lived, why you did what you did. It was like you were still his.

As soon as he recognized these thoughts, he pulled over. There is no way he can think like that. No that would be unfair to Akemi. He’s already hurt you so much. He pushed you to the point of trauma. He changed you. Even now, the scars of hos he treated you were present. Everything you thought was because he had told you it at one point. No. He couldn’t do all that to Akemi either. 

Grabbing the cute Tupperware with the pasta, he almost threw it out. 

Instead, he took a second to look at it. It was two big ducks and little baby one. You had used a ribbon to tie some utensils on the top. Everything your hands made had some care and love imbued into it. Opening it, he aggressively ate it all. It was delicious, as expected. While he ate, he started crying. Why? Why did seeing you like that hurt him so much? Why did he use Akemi’s name instead of calling her his fiancé? Why didn’t he hold you as you cried? Why do you use his last name? Why?

He drove home that night. He kissed Akemi before she could even greet him. She immediately melted into the kiss, even if she was still peeved at being ghosted the whole day. He playfully pleaded for her to forgive him. He smiled. He laughed. But for some reason her couldn’t look her in the eyes like he used to. A part of him wished it was you he was holding. 

He went to Sachiro’s room. It was messier than usual. He noticed a bunch of crocheted toys he had never seen before. I guess that’s what was in the box. He reached his son, and he stopped to stare at him. Sachiro was holding two things as he slept. The bunny, per usual, but also a note. In big letters Gojo could make out Momma’s Ready! Sachiro was still learning to read, so you hadn’t written much. Still, just seeing those two letters had excited Sachiro so much that he slept with it. On his little tummy laid the phone. Close to dead, Gojo picked it up to charge it. There he saw that Sachiro had been listening to a video you recorded of yourself singing to him. Oh right. Since you had spent the whole evening with Gojo, you couldn’t call Sachiro. 

For a reason Gojo couldn’t explain, he sent the video to his own phone. He plugged the phone in and walked out of the room. 

Akemi had already headed to their own room. Before Gojo could, he had to organize some stuff.

“Hello, I know its late. I’m just letting you know not to pick up Sachiro tomorrow. I’ll handle the drop off.”

Gojo had to see you. Just for answers. He just wanted you to explain yourself. That’s all

At least that’s what he told himself. But when he slept that night, he dreamt of living in that house with you. He dreamt of cooking breakfast for Sachiro and you. He dreamt of a world where you were his. 

[dufferpuffer]

Ok anon from before here, you fully convinced me about lupin and tonks, makes total sense to me now and I love this interpretation! It also make lupin kinda a fuck boy with is pretty funny to me lol

Oh yeah. Remus doesn't sleep around the thought of intimacy terrifies him - but he has always been weak to the whims of others: either people-pleasing or running the fuck away. But he can't run from Tonks. And he doesn't want to. Shes so cool and nice and understanding and fun and gets him, really gets him...

IDK how old you are, I hope 16+ or whatever age of consent is where you are But have you ever like... gotten in a relationship with someone where you can just lose an entire weekend laying in bed with them...? Or a friend where you don't hear from them for days when the BF/GF is over - and you know they aren't doing anything much? Like Ryoji Kaji and Misato Katsuragi (Evangelion) when they were in college. A week of just smoking and snacks and sex. 'Oops I forgot to go to class again today'

That's the framework of Remadora and I don't take otherwise lol Picture this: Remus is weary after a bad Full Moon. Fatigued on a couch, groaning pathetically, wrapped in a blanket, bones hurt... He can't run from Tonks doting on him when she has time off: Fetching water, sprinkling snow on his feverish head semi-playfully. He tells her not to bother, to go do something else... but she is Tonks.

She is sweet and cheeky and charming. She is stubborn and bubbly and gentle... when he is at his worst she always cheers him up. Everything he does is right when its with her: Every joke he makes lands, every story he tells is interesting - she makes him feel like a professional flirt... somehow. How intoxicating it is, to have someone understand you effortlessly, to not have to work to feel accepted... No lies are necessary. No manipulations work. No masks fool.

Of course they end up close. Uncomfortable? Come to bed. She can probably even carry him there. Cold? She can warm him up. Snuggle up. Cut up and bruised? She can do ancient magic: kiss them better. He hurts? Well... there's easy ways to distract from the pain: He doesn't need to do much to be petted and sucked off. To relax.

And god - he feels guilty, as always. She's doing so much for him. So they kiss, they fuck - its easier to have sex when the pain is numbed a little by adrenaline and dopamine and a desire to please. ...And when the emotional high wears off he cries. He is MORE guilty. What has he done...? Has he just made a huge mistake again...? Tonk's doesn't think so - so she cares for him more. Soothes him. But that's how these things start.

Sex until they're both tired and dizzy, until they lay together sore and nap... waking up to chat, to talk about feelings and worries. Tonk's gets up to get him some water and makes herself a 'recreational' potion with her excellent Auror potion skills.

Remus doesn't do that sort of thing, but since she made it he takes a mouthful or two. Reminds him of the old days with his friends. He tells her Peter's was stronger, back in the day. Perhaps an addition of Shrivelfig...? High, giddy, comfortable but sore - they chat about what Hogwarts was like in the 70s, what it was like in the 80s... laugh about Severus as a student and as a teacher... talk about their houses, their common rooms, their friends... the differences between the two wars.

And they have more sex. Over and over. They keep interrupting each-other with affection, with touching and kissing and nakedness. They forget themselves. They forget the world. They aren't Remus Lupin the scarred Werewolf or Nymphadora Tonks the Auror: they are just together. They are their pasts and their present, their thoughts and their feelings and their heat and their sleep. Being together is just as comfortable as being alone... moreso, even.

They don't even notice it's been three whole days since they have had a proper meal. Since anyone else has seen either of them beyond a half-naked dash for a snack. Remus thinks he has been sneaky, that nobody knows. They know. (They just care less than he thinks they will - he thinks they will judge him, but all they wish is that he was quieter or used a silencing spell.) But eventually Rems recovers enough from the Full Moon to be useful again - and Moody needs Tonks to like... work.

The world becomes heavy again. Remus wonders what the hell he was THINKING... pulling a promising Auror from her mentor for so long, wasting her time with him like a couple of layabouts, risking infection - he knows his spit isn't contagious outside of the full moon but it still scares him. No. No no - while he has his health he will go and be as useful as he can - and push her away, till she forgets about him. But it hurts. He is addicted. Every night he curls up and wishes for her body heat with him, soothing his worries, numbing his thoughts... But he is toxic. Perhaps if he died in glory she could move on...

...You know. Like that. Remadora.

[yuyan]

The art of love pt. 2

Fluff, hurt/comfort

Kaveh x gn!reader

Tags: academic rivals to lovers, cliche confession during arguing in the rain scene don't look at me, mild cussing (not at each other), highschool au

A/n: the comfort part of this. I hope it doesn't dissapoint, I tried to do this as fast as possible so I wouldn't keep anyone waiting!

Part 1 || Master list || Requests: open

Half an hour after school and you were stuck cleaning the art room on the last day of school with Kaveh. Honestly, the only reason why it was only the two of you were cleaning the art room because the art teacher was still mad at the time you two made a huge disruption in class. It was 3 weeks ago though. Who would even hold a grudge for that long? For something they weren't even really involved in or affected by it too. At least you were almost done.

"Ok what's wrong with you?" Kaveh asked, his voice laced with concern.

"Whats wrong with me?" you asked back, the anger in your tone contrasting his.

"Yes what's wrong with you, anger is practically seeping out of you!" Kaveh said, raising his voice. "Does my prescence annoy you that much!"

"Well, apparently mine does!" you shouted, "especially when I'm trying to help you apparently!" Throwing your broom, you grabbed your bag and stormed out, slamming the door behind you.

"W-what? Huh?" Kaveh stuttered out, watching you leave.

~

The sweet final week that Kaveh had been waiting for what seemed like an eternity didn't have that usual sugar coat. Now it was just a bitter pile of food that Kaveh pushed aside. No one could ignore it forever though.

"They're just so frustrating and annoying and nitpicking everything I do and oh my gosh, do I hate them so much!" Kaveh ranted while Alhaithem was seriously contemplating why he walks home with Kaveh.

"Don't you like them though?" Alhaithem asked, "they gave you a note, just go talk to them."

"Whatever, Its fine!" Kaveh shouted. "It's not like I love them anyways!" Kaveh shouted, again but his shoulder shook slightly and it felt like a piece of him died when he said that. "...Plus! They're always..."

~

"Ah, please don't go," Kaveh whispered and took of running.

You approached the entrace of your school. The sounds of heavy rain rang through your ears, making you furrow your eyebrows and your frown etch deeper into your face. "Fuck! I can't think!" you screamed. Hot, angry tears blurred your vision and made small wet patches on your uniform. Teachers and students alike had long left due to the heavy rain and it being the last day.

Silently, you pulled out your umbrella and hovered it over your head before step out into the rain. Rain slightly flooded the area and each step was like stepping into a puddle. Your emotions were a mess and the rain did nothing but anger you further as your tried so desperately to sort them out. The rain could've been calming if it wasnt for your violent urge to kick and scream to your heart's content. Until you had no energy left but to cry silently in your cold, empty bed.

"Wait!" a voice called out. It felt more like a delusion though considering how drowned out by the rain it was.

It wasn't until a tall blonde boy in the same uniform as you, umbrella in hand appeared Infront of you that you registered it as not a figment of your imagination.

"I-...So what if I said that!" Kaveh started and immediately you knew you didn't have the time nor energy for this. You side-stepped him and started to walk away before he turned to you and yelled, "What does it mean to you!?" It came out a little desperate and was followed by heavy breathing.

Turning around, you said,"what does it mean to me? I helped you because I wanted to yet afterwards you ignore me even though I said I wanted to talk and then decide to rant about me to your friend when I hadn't done anything for weeks!"

"Well, what an I supposed to believe when every classmate of ours tells me and gossips about how you must hate me so much that you don't even want to argued with me anymore!"

"I left a note!"

"Your friends are notoriuous for meddling in your business! How am I supposed to know if it was truly from you!"

"But-"

"And if you really cared you would've I don't know, say something along the lines of 'you don't have to promise me that, asking for help is enough' or I don't know!"

"Well, I didn't expect to fall in love with you!" you shouted. Kaveh had to stop himself from dropping his umbrella in shock. "Plus, if I didn't want to help, nothing you offered would've been enough," you mumbled.

Despite the pouring rain making it harder for the two of you to speak he heard and clinger to every word you said.

"Wait, I, did I say?" you fumbled, pink invading your cheeks as you backed away from him.

You could've turned and ran, if it wasn't for his hand. That damn hand that secured tightly around your wrist. That hand that kept you in place as he stumbled forward. That hand that pulled you in as his lips met yours. Your umbrellas had knocked against each other as he leaned forward to kiss you. His lips were soft but slightly chapped despite the humid weather, kissing you slowly, like any wrong move would hurt you.

Backing away, he saw your half lidded lips open up a bit more, your cheeks glowing a brighter red.

"I-um, we're far from perfect but I think we'd be a good couple so I'm be my lover?" Kaveh asked, sounding a little unsure but you just smiled and nodded, giggling a little at his flustered expression. "Ah! Well ok Let's meet up on the holidays, you have my number!" Kaveh shouted over the rain, running off.

You waved with your free hand, watching him run off into the distance. Touching your lips, it contorted into a soft smile. He tasted like strawberries.

A/n: I've never written a kiss scene so um getting out of my comfort zone today. 😀👍

Also I headcanon that Kaveh loves strawberries cause he just such a cute pretty boy who'd probably like strawberries ok I'm not weird ok goodbye! (^o^)／

[darkxwolf17]

Updated ship tier list because I don't really have anything other to post

Reasonings under cut

V x Lizzy: It's perfect. It's the best ship ever. It's amazing. I love everything about this ship. Fake besties to real besties to lovers. They tease each other all the time and they kiss and ITS AWESOME OK. I love Vizzy Pink Lemonade 4 ever.

N x Uzi: yooo it's the dynamic duo ever! They've grown on me quite a lot while in the Murder Drones fandom. They are so silly! I kinda see them as half-QPP and half-romantic, hard to explain. But they are a package deal DO NOT SEPERATE

N x Uzi x V: This one is just so silly to me! Not much to say other than its good for funny scenarios and cute headcanons

N x Thad: This one is also silly. Not much to say about it but i think they're cute

Khan x Nori: I don't particularly feel any strong emotions regarding either Khan or Nori, and we don't know much about Nori but from what we've seen yeah I like this ship!

Uzi x V: again, this one's just funny. I like it though

Lizzy x Doll: okay I'm gonna be honest (don't kill me) I don't really care for this ship. I feel like after episode 3 shipping them just is. eh idk. Lizzy canonically betrayed Doll so I'm just not the hugest fan of this ship? The only reason it's not lower is because I think the MDL server would kill me if I put it lower xd

J x V: I have nothing really to say about this ship, we just haven't seen that many interactions between them as of now

Khan x Teacher: idk why this is here I excluded most crackships that were listed on the tier list but it's here so I guess I'll just say. It's funny? That's about it

Uzi x Thad: Don't really like it, it seems too generic and I don't see the appeal. Maybe it's because I just think Thad is a boring character. Idk I just think it was a classic "high school infatuation" and Uzi has moved on. That's just me though.

N x V: I could write an essay on why I don't think this ship works but other people already have, so I'll just link this post by lilblucat because it's a far better explanation then I ever could write lol

J x N: it's... abusive. There's really nothing else that can be said.

Doll x Uzi: I'm subscribed to the popular headcanon that these two are cousins. Aside from that Idk I just don't really care for it

J x Tessa: I love them as besties but nothing more. Idk there's just a weird power dynamic of Tessa being a human and. idk this ship just weirds me out I don't like it.

Thad x V: Someone PLEASE tell me why this ship is as popular as it is. Genuinely. WHAT IS THE APPEAL SOMEONE HELP LOL

[daehee]

Chapter 11

Back Again

Three months had gone by and school was starting up again. Keita was a trainee, he didn't make it through YG treasure box. He took it surprisingly well. He's still chasing his dream. Ricky went back to China right after graduation. Jiwoo became and idol, debuting in a group called Nmixx. Yunjin also debuted in a popular girl group known as Le sserafim. 

Ever since Keita and Jiwoo left, my life is been pretty boring. Yunjin is barely ever here because of her group schedule. The youngest member of her group, Eunchae, also recently started attending SOPA. She's really funny, and we're the same age, so that's cool. My days kind of go by in a blur. It's not that they're super busy, just that there is nothing to fill them. I no longer have my best friend by my side, I really only have Yunjin as my best friend these days. Its pretty lonely and quiet in the dorm because Yunjin moved out. Wow... how did I just now realize that I literally have the whole dorm to myself... jeez, I need something to get me living again.

"DUDE?!? Hana, are you here?" The door slammed and Yunjin yelled at me loudly.

"Yeah I'm here, what's up?"

"It's time for class."

"You came all the way to the dorm just to tell me that?"

"Yeah, I wanna walk with you. It's our last first day of school. WE'RE SENIORS, we gotta make it special."

"Ok, ok, fine." 

I finished my breakfast, grabbing my phone and backpack, heading out the door behind Yunjin. We silently walked to our next class. Everyone was rowdy because it was the first day of school, especially the senior. Eric, Seungho, and Aaron came to meet us. We were the only seniors left in the 'it' group. Eunchae was also welcomed into the 'it' group, after all she was a debuted artist. 

We all walked into our advanced dance class, which was first period. Standing there was one of the last people I ever expected to see in this school again. Next to our dance teacher was... Keita?

"Hello class! Today you have a special assignment. You will be pairing up with each other to make a dance for a grade and the K-pop music festival. Since the top dancer of the summer has yet to be revealed, we will do so now. The top dancer will be pairing with Keita for the festival, and will be graded on your performance and choreography. Each group will get a theme from this bowl."

Everyone murmurs, already thinking about their partners. We were all excited for special assignments, especially getting to perform at the K-pop music festival. Some of the biggest names will be there. 

"Alright, our top dancer is.... Akahana Adams." I wasn't really surprised to hear my name, I had been top dancer since I started coming here. Now I just had to think about dancing with Keita. 

"Come get your theme." My teacher directed. I walked up to the front, digging my hand in the bowl for a slip of paper.

"S-sexy?"

My teacher laughed at the look on my face. Keita also did. It was kind of weird because we haven't seen each other since right before he went on ygtb a few months ago. I had watched it live as soon as it came out, but we had yet to talk. We communicated threw very few texts. 

"You two get practice room one, go have fun!" My teacher instructed us.

We silently walked to the first practice room. I didn't know what to say to him, and I assume it was the same for him. When we got to the practice room, I still didn't speak. I only stretched silently. 

"You're not going to talk to me?" Keita asked, moving my hand to his shoulder for stability as I stretched my quad muscle.

"I-... no. I just don't know what to say to you."

"Oh come on Hana, we're best friend! You always know what to say to me."

"Yeah well, we also haven't really talked all that much, let alone seen each other in a few months."

"Exactly, you should've jumped into my arms the moment you saw me, or at least have done it by now."

I rolled my eyes at Keita playfully. I knew he was half expecting me to, so I jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"I missed you baby." He spoke softly into my shoulder. I let my legs slide down from around his waist, laying my head against his shoulder when my feet were safely on the ground.

"I missed you too Kei." 

We stood there hugging for a few minutes. The warmth radiating off of him was something I hadn't felt in so long. I remember being addicted to his hugs when we were younger, I would use any excuse I had to cuddle close to him, or wrap my arms around his neck so he'd wrap his around my waist.

"Kei... I think I'm gonna go home when I graduate."

"WHAT?! But Hana, why would you leave? Isn't it your dream to be a dancer in Korea?"

"Well yeah, but nothing's happening for me Keita. I don't have friends anymore, I live alone in my dorm. I haven't seen my mom and dad in 3 years. My days blur by because they're empty. I'm just... I'm lost Keita. I'm losing myself. I got caught up in this dream that I thought I could achieve, but it's taking me nowhere and... I-... I'm lost."

"Well... write songs with those lyrics... damn. And wait... you live alone in the dorm?"

"Yeah Hayoon and Jiwoo graduated remember?"

"Yeah but what about Yunjin?"

"She debuted Keita. She's in Le sserafim. She moved out."

"Damn... she's at BigHit?"

"Yeah."

"You're actually alone in that huge ass dorm?"

"Yes Keita... I don't even really have friends anymore. There are 4 seniors left in the 'it' group. Yunjin is never here because of schedule and that leaves Eric, Seungho, and Aaron. I'm friends with Eunchae, the macknae of Yunjin's group, but like Yunjin, she's barely here. I kinda fell apart after you left."

"I'm so sorry Hana. I promise I'll talk to you every day from now on. And please don't go home... then I'll get to see you less."

"I'm sorry if these let's you down Keita... but I don't know if I can stay. Nothings going right for me right now and I just-... I don't wanna cry anymore Keita."

"No babe, I get it, but look at me. I kinda hate to use myself as an example but... I wasn't even really all that close to debuting with Treasure. I'm young and inexperienced compared to the others... so I didn't make it. But the point it, I'm not giving up. I'm a trainee at a different agency now, and I'm gonna keep going until I make my debut. Your slaying at this school. Your top of your class at academics, and top of your ADVANCED dance class... AT A FREAKING FINE ARTS SCHOOL. You're not always gonna be the most experienced, you're not always gonna be the best, so if you cant handle it while you are the best... then you gotta toughen up Hana."

"I-... okay. What if nothing happens for me though? What if I stay stuck?"

"You're literally a dancing prodigy. Something will happen for you. How about we just focus on the dance for now, kay?"

"Okay." I agreed.

We began the long process of choreographing a dance... hopefully we'll do good.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The intro post for this story has all the chapters listed.

[gonnagocrynow]

kinda wanna go off in a long ass rant about everything that's wrong in my life rn but that will just make me sad so here's a long ass rant about everything that's right in my life rn

I started drawing/painting again and some of it is finally positive. I made something for my friend and I'm excited to see her reaction. I've planned something else for another one of my friends and am excited to make it and see her reaction. I bunked a class and got caught but not scolded (by the teacher or my parents). Infact my mom told me "It's ok kids bunk sometimes, its that age, just don't do it too often". I got an appreciation award thingy for work I did that I thought was being taken for granted. A teacher who literally doesn't even remember my name half the time and gives me a lot of work finally praised me and called me the backbone of the club. I wrote a sexy af answer for an english question (which unfortunately my teacher didn't read but the satisfaction stays). My friend read the answer and specifically praised one certain line that I was really proud of. I saw Enola Holmes 2 which I loved. I made 2 random posts about it on tumblr and got like 300 notes on each of them overnight (now they're 500 and 600 notes). Finally actually talked in a group that I was part of but rarely texted in. My mom who isn't very supportive of me doing clubwork or being part of clubs put up the appreciation award I got right in front of the door so anyone who walks in will be able to see it. I listened to my cry song without crying or feeling sad for the 1st time ever. I sat in the park for an hour during which I just listened to music and did the sudoku instead of staring at my phone or something. A cat was running away from me when I pspssed it but when I stopped, it came back to me. I got invited to a new friend's bday party. I did questions from a chapter that I thought was pretty tough. I missed 2 classes but still managed to catch up (mentally, the notes though...). I started working on something that I'm gonna give to all my old, new and current friends when school ends. I talked to my sister after ages, like just talked about random shit instead of calling to ask each other for help. (tw??) I haven't stood in front of a mirror checking if my belly looks good or not for like a week now. My outfit looked good for like 3 continuous days. A smart kid asked for my help with a question. My smart friend who I always check my answers with, checked his answers with me. And I was right. He still wears a bracelet thingy I got for him like a month ago. One of my friends told me I'm an excellent story teller. She also almost cried cuz she was laughing so hard at what I was telling her. One of my friends gave me one of her rings to keep. Her bf is being petty about it (in a friendly way). One of my friends said my posts are always a vibe. I made a reel for my friend's bday and everyone commented saying it's very creative and I made sexy edits.

ok that's enough for now ig, im sleepy and this is TMI, if someone who knows me irl comes across this they would immediately realize it's me so bye

I feel better now

[pxper-cranes]

Miraculous New York Special Rewrite Ideas

Ok so, I think a lot of us can agree that the Miraculous specials are no better than the show for the most part. So, alongside bits and pieces of the series, I took a jump in and tried to rewrite a bit of it, specifically the New York special, because it was easy to tackle.

The Problems.

The pacing feels really off, I mean that there's a bunch of time for shipping, which is fine, and then it all goes to the dumps really quickly. Personally I believe bumping up the runtime to about an hour and a half would give it that same padding to really explore its narrative.

The US superheroes feel really disjointed from the rest of the series. For me, having just other random people in the miraculous world simply having powers doesn't feel like it adequately adds to the lore any more so than the questions it brings up. How do people have superpowers? Why is it just in the US? Why don't any superpowered Parisians jump in every now and then? This can easily be fixed, though, by swapping them all out and instead having all of the US heroes be government appointed holders of the miraculous. I’ll talk more about this concept in the actual rewrite section.

I really don't like the eagle miraculous’s power. It has some really strong basis, but its execution feels flat and plot submissive. This has been an issue for quite a while now, with instead of miraculous powers being their own thing while animal relevant AND adaptable to multiple situations (think powers like of the main group in the miracle box) a lot of the zodiac kwamis have their powers decided based on what works best with the problem in their debut episode. For instance, the pig, chicken, ox, tiger and goat miraculouses all feel less than stellar when it comes to a power based on the symbolism of these animals. Anyway back to the eagle miraculous, liberation fits, but I feel that instead of liberating people from their inhibitions, they are liberated from anything that suppresses their freedom (e.g. chains, imprisonment in any kind, mind control and akumatization) 

The Rewrite.

Alright so the beginning can remain pretty much unchanged, with Ladybug and Chat noir fighting a villain in Paris again. Once they defeat them, at the top of the eiffel tower, the camera pans out to a news broadcast where we get something like a news bulletin covering the attack, as well as the notion that it's been one year since the heroes emerged to defend the city. 

Next, the news also brings up the French-American friendship day thing, and we see the US president inviting Ladybug and Chat noir to New York to celebrate with the US heroes, who are all miraculous holders standing behind him. 

We then exit out of the broadcast to Marinette and Adrian’s classroom, where the broadcast was being shown, where their teacher tells the class that they're going to New York. the part where Adrian is convinced he won't be allowed to go can stay, and so the scene transitions to Agreste manor where we see Gabriel contemplating the US heroes. He probably already has come to the realisation that they are miraculous holders, because their hero uniforms would probably be made to hide that fact as best they can, so as not to get stolen or anything. Natalie stands behind him, saying that the US heroes’s powers align with what is said about the native american miracle box, and so Gabriel decides to use the field trip to his advantage, allowing Aidrien to attend.

All of the scenes from here until they get settled in their hotel in New york can stay basically the same, except the attack on the plane. The villain can stay the same, but Majestia and Night Owl in my rewrite are sot just ripodd superman and batman. Majestia can get the eagle miraculous because it is easiest for the plot, and Night Owl can get the owl miraculous (There is an owl miraculous I checked the wiki). At this point Sparrow and Uncanney Valley Dont have miraculouses, and I am tempted on whether or not keeping uncanny valley a robot or not but it doesn't really matter for the rewrite so I’ll just say they're both part of a new government initiative to find new holders for each american miraculous that can be overseen by the government.

When we get to New York, everything can stay the same for a bit, specifically throughout the hotel scenes and the party scene on the roof, I thought that was cute. Except for the hotdog hero, because of my rewrite they might just have a barbeque instead. 

Similarly, the scenes in the museum work fine, with Hawkmoth instead akumatizing the techno pirate villain to cause mayhem and lure out the heroes rather than retrieving Lafayette's sabre, because the miraculous is with the heroes, not in the museum.

Still, the techno pirate villain attacks the museum, for like, plot reasons. Maybe he was just in the area in the back of the transport truck when the akuma hit, and he goes in and starts wrecking house. Sparrow and uncanny valley jump in, but they aren't used to fighting akumatized villains, so it goes just about as well as one would expect. They call for the other heroes, but that's when Chat noir and Ladybug jump in to stop the villain, and they do eventually, with them purifying the akuma as the other heroes get there. Some of them are hesitant to trust Ladybug and Chat noir, but others are congratulating them. Either way, the scene finishes off with Gabriel in his apartment with Natalie learning that the duo did in fact come to New York, and begins his overall plan. 

The next scene is an impromptu awarding of Ladybug and Chat noir for their bravery by the President. They're at some formal place in New york, and maybe for plot convenience the french class is also in attendance. Ladybug and chat noir are backstage, where they are met with the apparent guardian of the native american miracle box. 

The guardian tells them about how when the US government found the existence of the miraculouses, the scoured the whole nation to find the guardian, and then basically threatened him to give them up into the possession of the US government as a way to ‘protect the nation’ when in actuality they just wanted to seize the power they held. They distributed each miraculous to their top agents, from all kinds of professions and basically contracted them into being heroes as well as government agents. 

This is most definitely a metaphor for things like the corruption of the US government and the exploitation of indigenous american resources which obviously wouldn't be in the original because Zagtoon isn't ballsy enough but it is in my rewrite. Shove over Hawkmoth, there's a new villain in town. 

Anyway, once the guardian tells Marinette about how the miraculouses are out of balance, she and Chat noir are pulled on stage and awarded, and here would be just some more villain attacks that come through into the area. Maybe they're amoks instead of akumas so they’re just easier to explain away. 

Ladybug and Chat noir fight the sentimonsters, but in the process cause a lot of property damage and a lot of people are hurt, maybe even the president, and he end up ordering that they relinquish their miraculouses and have them traded to a government agent in France, or better yet, New York. 

Immediately sensing the danger, they flee, becoming runaways in the city of new york. The government puts out a call to all the New York heroes to find them. They essentially become fugitives, with all the US heroes chasing after them through the city. The kind of dynamic I wanted for them was like the Ace Ops from volume 7 of RWBY, where some are sympathetic, trying to reason and others are just angry by betrayal. Either way everyones trying to get them, due to them having to follow orders. Eventually, everyone’s turmoil reaches the peak where Gabriel becomes Harwmoth once again, and akimatizes Natalie into Catalyst, which allows him to send out a bunch of akumas which latch onto all of the conflicted and angry US heroes. 

Once the US president realises things are out of control, he tries to call back the heroes, but it's no use. He probably calls in the american miracle box guardian, who would tell him that there is no way to stop them, and that these are the repercussions of trying to control such a primal force.

Eventually, Ladybug and Chat noir meet up with Sparrow and Uncanny Valley and they all have their darkest hour moment. They all are pretty sure that there's no way to reasonably defeat all of the akumatized heroes, and they all are about to give up, when Ladybug suggests that they just match the force. 

Then, Ladybug, for the first time, connects her yoyo to the chinese miracle box, where she pulls out miraculouses. To preface, this was something she couldn't do before, so it's a bit of a shock to everyone, but she end up taking out the fox and the turtle miraculous, hell maybe even the bee (because chloe deserved a good redemption arc instead of a character assassination she was so close) and they go out and find their friends, and expand their team.

With their newly expanded team, they go after the akumatized heroes. Specifically, Sparrow and Uncanny Valley take note of Majestia, or the eagle miraculous’s power of liberation. They theorise that it may be able to liberate people from their akumas if they could reclaim it

And so they do that. They go and fight Majestia and they win, explaining the situation and getting the eagle miraculous. In actuality, majestia gives it to Sparrow as a way to symbolically hand over the torch of heroism to the new generation.

With her new powers, Sparrow, now Eagle assists in fighting all the leftover heroes with her new powers. And eventually they save New York. Hawkmoth gives up again because I guess that needs to happen for plot.

Then the heroes all go to the President and he renounces control over the native american miracle box back into its rightful guardian to go and find new heroes that are worthy. When Eagle goes to give hers back, he refuses, saying she should keep it.

And with that, the excursion ends, and everyone goes home.

And that's my rewrite of the Miraculous Ladybug New York Special. Sorry this one was Unreasonably Long but I enjoy sharing all my ideas about shows that I love and if I can inspire others then all the better. I might do this with my other rewrite ideas but who knows that's all up to me being lazy enough or not.

[spoopylay]

I don't have a lot of writing space, ok so any one the UA teachers (or a group of them) are teaching their class and y/n (their s/o) bursts in and they're screaming at them about something stupid (Exp Aizawa used their hairbrush and didn't clean it after) then y/n realizes that there' students in there and just turns around and is the sweetest person ever to them but when (UA teacher) tries to talk to them y/n basically turns into the devil and when they get home y/n is all soft and cuddly

OMG YESS!!! I loved this idea so much I made another one

Aizawa

It was another boring, tiring day for you sleepy boyfriend who works at UA high school. He never bothered you but today he really got on your nerves.

“YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT, GODDAMNIT,” you were shouting down the hall across from the class he’s teaching

You slam the door opening and Aizawa could see the anger in your face. Brows furrowed you darting straight at him. Your face being very red.

“HOW FUCKING DARE YOU COME IN HERE AND USE MY DAMN HAIRBRUSH LIKE ITS NOTHING, HUH? YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING YOU DIDNT EVEN CLEAN YOUR MUSTYASS HAIR OUT. ISTG THEY FUCKING HAIR IS LONGER THAN MINE, RAPUNZEL LOOKIN ASS! I SWEAR IF I CATCH SEE ANY OF YOUR NASTY STRANDS OF HAIR IN MY HAIRBRUSH I-“

Before you would say anything else, Aizawa turned you head to the class. A good amount of them were scared shitless from what they had just heard.

You immediately change you tone from the spawn of Satan to sweet and angelic.

“Oh I didn’t see you all there. Good morning~,” you exclaimed in a sing songy voice.

“Y/n weren’t you just-“

“Oh shut it dumbass,” you snapped back at Aizawa. He could clearly tell that you were half asleep and very tired. How the hell did you even get here is what he was wondering.

“Well, it looks like you all have a class to get started on so I’ll leave you to it. Have a great day,” you say with a smile.

Everyone is still trying to process what just happened right now. You left the class and went on with your day

When Aizawa got home, he saw you on the couch watching your favourite show. He comes up behind you and gives you a kiss on your forehead and goes to take a shower.

“Hey babe, I’m sorry for this morning,” you said while he was walking away.

“You know what y/n, it’s ok. At least you scared some sense into some of the kids in the class.”

Present mic

(Ok but I JUST KNOW he uses hair gel on his damn hair)

It was your day off from work and you slept in till noon. When you got up and went to go brush your teeth you were not happy. When you were reaching for your toothbrush you rested your other hand on the sink counter.

Instead of your hand resting near the sink, it was resting in a puddle of hair gel that Hizashi had used earlier.

You immediately take the tube of gel and get into your car, start speeding down the road to go give him a piece of your mind.

After trying to find him in his classroom, you saw that he wasn’t there, so you go over to Aizawa’s classroom to see if Mic was in there. To your surprise, he was.

“YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT,” you shouted at the entrance of the classroom.

“O-oh, heyyy y/n,” he says all sly.

“DON’T ‘heyy y/n’ ME, BITCH. YOU REALLY FUCKING THINK THAT YOU CAN JUST LEAVE YOUR SHIT ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE? I SWEAR TO GOD IF I DIDN’T LOVE YOU THEN I WOULD’VE-,” before you could say anything else Aizawa turned your head to face all of the students in the class.

“Hey guys,” you said in a cheerful tone.

“Nice weather outside, isn’t it,” you said.

As you were walking back to Mic you said, “But, last time I checked the weather it was supposed to be sunny but with a chance of raining hair gel.” You then took the tube of hair gel and squirted it all over Hizashi.

You then stormed off back to your car, leaving everyone in the room shook.

The evening came and Mic was back home with you. You in bed texting a friend and Hizashi was laying beside you.

“Y/n, you got very mad today,” he said.

“No shit Mic,” you snapped back.

“Although I got covered in hair gel, you’re kinda hot when you get mad,” he said sneaking his hand down to your hip.

“Then you maybe I should get made more often,” you said to him.

The rest of you guy’s night was rather ‘productive’ if you know what I mean.

[cocochannel00]

The Azoff Family: A Case Study on one of the Music Industry’s Most Connected Families

(ft. a breakdown of the Grammy voting process and problems)

This is very long so I will try and split it up into categories for everyone (sorry I got carried away- I spent like 2 hours writing this) but enjoy!

*Disclaimer: I want to preface while the majority of this is based in research, some parts may be speculation. I don’t know the family personally so I can’t tell you what goes on behind closed doors but I can tell you how parts of the entertainment/music industry work. I’ve had 5 internships in the industry (one in marketing at one of the big record labels) and the rest of my work is publicity (what I enjoy) and events and a former advisor used to run in the same circles as Irving Azoff (and he spilled some tea last year) I’m not out here to diminish the hard work of any artists or their teams, I’m simply here to showcase parts of the industry that aren’t always shown.*

Please also see: Story Time: How Fan Pages Directly Impact Columbia Records Decisions and Harry Styles Image

IRVING AZOFF: NEVER STOP THE GRIND

Let’s begin with the great business man himself Mr. Irving Azoff Irving Azoff is the literal posture child for connections and power in the music industry (he was also inducted into the 2020 rock and roll hall of fame class which is like a huge fucking deal for a manager to be inducted so you know he's the real deal)

In conclusion, I love Irving Azoff and his drive.

Irving Azoff: Early Years Run Down:

He came up middle class (dad was a pharmacist, mom a bookkeeper) in Danville, Illinois

He dropped out of college to run a small Midwestern concert-booking empire and managed local acts in the era

Opportunity came knocking and he got the chance to manage the Eagles and the rest is history

He's one of the best negotiators and has negotiated business on behalf of stars like Stevie Nicks, the Eagles, and Jimmy Buffet

Azoff has been an incredible manager and his drive to always advocate for his clients while basically not giving two sh*ts about what people think of him has gotten him the incredible reputation he has today.

All of Irving Azoff’s Major Job Positions:

Former President MCA (major label)

Former CEO of Ticketmaster and executive chairman of Live Nation Entertainment, the behemoth formed from Ticketmaster’s merger with Live Nation.

In 2013 he and Cablevision Systems Corp. CEO and New York Knicks owner James Dolan formed a partnership, Azoff MSG Entertainment (Currently still CEO)

----> Azoff also ran the Forum in Inglewood under Azoff MSG Entertainment after MSG purchased it in 2012 (it was sold in 2020 to the owner of the Clippers) — why do you think Harry played the forum for the Fine Line show? Azoff connection

Azoff MSG Entertainment encompasses all of the other companies including Full Stop Management, Global Music Rights (performance-rights org), and the Oak View Group (arena developing company)

He also is the co-founder and manager of the lobbying group Music Artists Coalition, a group that helps lobby for artists-rights issues such as royalty rates, copyright issue and healthcare insurance (see he's not all bad)

Essentially what I'm getting at is this man knows anybody who's anybody. He's the man you want on your team to help promote your music, plan your tour, and get you on that Grammy nom list.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

JEFFREY AZOFF: THE CHILD OF NEPOTISM

So for those of you that don't know, Jeffery Azoff is Harry's current manager and the son of Irving Azoff (the third of four kids). He's currently a partner at Full Stop Management, the company owned by Irving and the one artists such as Harry, Haim, the Eagles, Kings of Leon, and Meghan Trainer are signed to.

Jeffrey graduated from the University of Colorado's Leeds School of Business and started working fresh out of college at his father's old Management company (Frontline Management) working under Maroon 5's manager Jordan Feldstein (the only way you get that kind of internship/job as a 21 year old fresh out of college is if your family or family friends gives it to you). He worked here for 5 years.

Direct Quote from Irving Azoff to Jeffrey (really tells you a lot): "Listen carefully, because I’m going to say this one time. You have a phone and you have my last name. If you can’t figure it out, you’re not my son."

After working for his father, Jeffrey moved on to the talent agency CAA (Creative Artist Agency) where he worked for roughly 3 and half years before joining his dad in forming Full Stop Management in 2016.

While he was at CAA, Irving moved over clients like Christina Aguilera and the Eagles to the talent agency to help with tour booking instead of doing it internally through LiveNation (he was CEO).

Even though I'm sure Jeff has had to work somewhat hard to get to where he is (or at least to mess up his dad's work as he doesn't seem like the type to take laziness well), the door into the industry and every job was basically handed to him on a silver platter.

Not to mention if you watch episodes of keeping up with the  kardashians (like myself) you can actually see Jeff hanging out with kendall and the rest of the fam at their Palm Springs house (you know you're a nepotism kid if you have an in with the Kardashian crew). Invite me next time Jeffrey!!!

Think of the Azoff's as the mafia family of the music industry, you don't mess with the mafia

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE GRAMMY AWARDS: STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTIONS ON STEROIDS

Ok so here's where we’re going to get into a bit more of the speculation/grey area. I don't need to tell you that award shows are corrupt (See the Golden Globes Emily in Paris scandal) and the Grammys are not an exception. Think of the Grammys as one big student council/government elections where despite the fact the teachers tell you six times to vote for the best candidate, you're still going to vote for your friends even if they aren't the best.

A simplified break-down of Grammy voting:

1) Recording Academy voting members (artists, producers, musicians- anyone involved first hand with the creation of music; All voting members must have been producers, performers or engineers on six or more tracks of a commercially released album (or 12 or more digital tracks) and record labels will submit nominations in various categories to the grammys (songs need to be released commercially between October 1 of the previous year and September 30th of this year). You can also become a voting member by either winning a grammy or being endorsed by a current voting member (hint hint)

2) Once received, the recording academy with have the academy of trustees and its reviewers organize them and approve any changes to the 30 categories/fields (aka they can add new categories or remove old ones; so no best ukulele album of the year -- this is where things get funky)

There's speculation that during this stage when these special groups of 8-10 people are organizing genres, there's an "unwritten rule" that you need to be careful what album you green light (especially for famous artists) if you don't want them to win) (Rob Kenner said this- he used to be on one of these committees). Famous people tend to get more votes from clueless or lay Academy members that don't know the specialized categories or don't care enough to listen to songs that aren't radio trending.

3) After the nominations occur, Voting members begin their first voting. Members can vote for the four general categories of record of the year, album of the year, song of the year and best new artist and a maximum of 15 categories, all within their areas of expertise. Now the interesting thing is that while these are the guidelines there is literally nothing stopping them from voting in whatever categories they want (i.g. a rapper voting in the opera category despite not listening to opera). Theses ballots are all tallied and the top 20 entries are determined in each category (funky moment #2)

In 12 of the 84 categories those top 20 go to the ballot and it's done; for the rest it’s not like that. 59 categories including the big four go to a "nomination review committees" (identities are protected so they can't get lobbied... sure) who take a look at the top 20 and narrow it down to 7 or 8. (these are the special committees the Weekend talked about when he was snubbed). They're supposed to choose the nominees "based solely on the artistic and technical merits of the eligible recordings" which lets be real if that was the case Watermelon Sugar (along with most of the others in the category) I don't think would have been nomimated as they are very generic pop (none of them are special... sorry to the WM lovers out there).

This committee is basically held to THE HONOR CODE SYSTEM... I mean tell me when the last time the honor code system worked in literally any scenario (literally wtf). Don't take my word for it though the former CEO of the Academy Deborah Dugan (a queen) filed a complaint against the Recording Academy basically claiming that the nomination review process was rigged (she was fired after 5 months on the job).

Quote from Deborah Dugan "Members of the board [of trustees] and the secret committees chose artists with whom they have personal or business relationships... It is not unusual for artists who have relationships with Board members and who ranked at the bottom of the initial 20-artist list to end up receiving nominations."

These review committees can also exploit there power by adding up to two nominees that don't appear on the top 20 list to the final voting ballot (except in the 4 big categories - which watermelon sugar that one wasn't nominated for)

They also have craft committees for like non performance stuff (like album notes, engineering and arranging) that don't even get voted on by the academy voting members

4) After all of that fucked up mess, the grammy's decided is ok, the ballots go back to the voting members for the final vote. Deloitte (an accounting firm) then counts all of them, seals them in envelopes, and delivers them to the Grammy award show.

** The Grammy's just announced this year they're removing the "secret committees" so let's see how things shift in the next couple of years**

So obviously I'm not saying this to discredit Harry's nomination or his win as Fine Line was in the US top 20 albums for the majority of 2020, however, we must acknowledge privilege. Harry has a big name to him and a huge following, and while all of that shouldn't be taken into account, it does. He also has the Azoffs, a very well connected family with friends in lots of places that would be able to put in a good word here and there to get support behind Harry. Harry won best pop solo performance for Watermelon Sugar in a category with Doja Cat, Justin Bieber, Billie Eilish, Taylor Swift, and Dua Lipa. Look at the names there, the songs (ya'll can try and remember them cause I'm too lazy to write it out) and tell me that those top names with all of the music produced didn't get there through some connections.

Do with all this information what you will and if you are interested in learning more about the entertainment industry on your own Endeavor (owners of WME, a big talent agency like CAA) is hosting a free online program called the Excellence Program to help guide the future generation of industry executives. The program is a-synchronous and starts on July 12th. Highly recommend giving it a go if you're interested!!!

Alright ya'll that's it. Feel free to message me with your thoughts!

Extra Sources if you'd like to read:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/pkdndn/how-grammys-voting-actually-works-and-where-the-alleged-corruption-lies

https://www.grammy.com/grammys/awards/voting-process

https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/music/story/2020-11-05/irving-azoff-eagles-manager

https://celebrityaccess.com/caarchive/jeffrey-azoff-exits-caa-to-launch-new-management-company/

https://www.rollingstone.com/pro/features/grammy-awards-secret-committees-945532/

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/grammy-awards-eliminate-secret-committees-voting-changes-1163887/

[neoistic]

what's going on with STAYs?

the hyunjin (and woojin) situation - a (very long) rant

DISCLAIMER : This post was not meant to slander Hwang Hyunjin or Stray Kids, it is intended to educate others on their problematic behaviour.

I'm gonna start at the beginning of all this. So unless you a.) live under a rock or b.) unlike the rest of us you have a life, then you have possibly heard of the idol bullying scandals. If you dont know what that is, I'll give a brief summary. A bunch of idols were being accused by former middle school or high school classmates of bullying. It started with Soojin of (G)I-dle and then the whole thing started rippling. Aisha of Everglow, Kihyun of MonstaX, Mingyu of SEVENTEEN, and many more. It's even gone as far as SA allegations. Basically everyone and their mothers were being dragged into the mess. However some of these accusation were later to be proven as false. Others have been somewhat half-true. The point is the majority of these idols end up going on a hiatus and stopped contributing in their groups activities for a while. It was a very frustrating situation. There's been apologies, addresses, fights occurring left and right. While these idols were being accused, everybody was like "let's wait for the official statement from the comany and see what is up, and then we make our decision from there. So for now lets stay our best to be neutral". That was the norm for a majority of fandoms. And then there were STAYs.

_____________________________________________________________ I think we've learned in the last five months that STAYs are anything but a normal fandom. After what has happened and the way they chose to behave entirely was embarassing. I feel like toxic STAYs really ruined the name of this fandom when the Woojin situation happened. But after Hyunjin was accused of bullying, they pretty much just shredded any redeeming qualities that fandom had left—all of it—everything went down the drain. Soon enough I feel like people are going to be embarassed to become a STAY or to mention that they're a STAY, because those motherfuckers really screwed this up If some of you're really confused right now, as to why I called STAYs toxic. It's because the base of this fandom is pretty privilege. Ok, let's start with the definition. What is pretty privilege? Pretty privilege is the principle that people who are deemed more attractive (based on societal beauty standards) have an upper hand in the world and are afforded many opportunities that us regular folks don't have. Like most other biases, pretty privilege is something we're all aware of—whether we have experienced it first-hand or not. Yet, it's not often that we are willing to admit or even talk about it, especially if we're on the receiving end of its benefits. This bias, also known as lookism, is defined as “Prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person's appearance” and occurs in a variety of settings such as social environments, workplaces and especially in this godforsaken fandom. Let me explain; everything that they do for the boys is simply based on looks. And how do i know that? Because when the baseless accusations that targeted woojin came out one of the things that i kept hearing over and over again was that they always thought he was 'ugly'. And that to me is very intersting because this fandom found him ugly but they didn't say anything, because he was in the same group as their faves. So they kept their mouths shut, and they acted as if they loved him they told him all the sappy bullshit. When he left they decided to pull an "Okay let's tell him how much we miss him, then dump it, and leave it there."

Consequently by cause of his so called 'wrongdoings' you're now telling people "Oh I found him ugly all along, but now I can finally admit it" which is an incredibly pathetic move. They were throwing shit everywhere based off unsubstantiated allegations. Through this I realised that everything goes down to looks. Because when this exact same thing happened to Hyunjin and his accusations, which at the time we did not know the legitimacy of it, the first thing they chose to tweet was"uhmm hyunjin is too cute to be a bully," say what now? You wanted to tell me you decide whether someone is capable of bullying based on their looks, how is that supposed work. Not everybody's heart is as beautiful as their face, I'm just saying. Like why on earth would you think that Hyunjin isn't a bully based on the fact that he's handsome but you believe the accusation about Woojin based off the fact that he is quote 'ugly'. You see the parallel difference between their behaviour towards them and that's because all they care about is looks and they will do just about anything to garner the attention of these boys. Yes, you're right, the reason behind their doings is because they know pefectly well that Stray Kids read their comment. Their defending them because they are desperately wanting their faves to pay attention to them. And they think by letting Hyunjin get away with everything, he would thank them for it.

_____________________________________________________________

Exhibit B; When the posts against Woojin came out the very first thing they told us was that, you have to believe the victim no matter what. It got to the point where even when we tried to reason with them about how there was no solid evidence, all they said was how they would rather believe a possible liar then a possible r4pist. ikr, oh. my. gosh. However when it's Hyunjin's turn to get blamed, believing the victim doesn't matter anymore. The actuality that people were already putting a judgement on the victim, and refusing to hear them out is just shocking to me.

The energy was completely different, for some crazy reason it didn't matter when it came to Hyunjin. When it came to Woojin we had to believe the victim because it's so damn important, and it got to the point that people were saying they believed Stray Kids that he 'bullied' them. Although Stray Kids didn't say anything, they never said a peep, a word, nothing. Everyone kept saying I believe Felix saying #8, i believe Chan and his vlive, are you for real? First of all what is Felix supposed to say then?? The group has 8 members not nine, is he supposed to put #9 in? #13? #24?? And with Chan he has already clarified that his statement on vlive that time wasn't about Woojin.

Then they were diagnosing them them of depression they were victimizing the poor boys of something they were not a victim of. So not are they speaking for them, they're telling us that you believe them off what you've stuff in their mouths, not things they said themsleves. On the other hand when Hyunjin was accused of bullying no we don't believe them we believe Hyunjin. What? Do you know him personally or what? You dont! I don't know what's the matter with you people. This fandom is just a no. You guys are left with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Then you know what it gets even worse because if you think this is bad. It's not even half of it. How does it get worse? They were people saying that "It's bullying, its normal everybody does it," I don't know what universe you live in, but where I live down here, on earth bullying isn't something that everybody comes around and do. It's not a phase in life. "From ages 15-20 you're a bully" That doesn't happen it's not a chapter in life that everyone goes through like puberty, that's not what happens with bullying. You dont just wake up and go through a phase in you life that is inevitable, that you have to be a bully and a jerk to everybody, that's not a thing. You can't just sit here and justify bullying. Because how are you supposed to sit here and say that bullying is normal and that everybody does but when Woojin does it... You see where I'm going with this right? They said it wasn't okay for Woojin to bully Stray Kids and that he is a horrible person "how could he?" But then you bend over and said "Bullying is okay because Hyunjin is the one doing it" When he is on the receiving end it wasn't okay, though when he was the one administering it was completely fine and forgivable.

Do you not see how problematic you're being right now? You're justifying bullying because you think he's pretty? Are you playing with me? I read his statement and he apologized for his immature and insensitive demeanor, even he wasn't justifying it. the reason behind me mentioning this is because even JYP themselves specified that they would do a better job at picking trainees. That alone says something. They forthrightly threw him under the bus. Why would they do something like that? Because the allegations were true. Here's the thing, Hyunjin has not admitted to bullying anybody, what he has admitted to was being immature and hurting people with the way he spoke. That statement felt like he was beating around the bush about a lot of things. It's like "ok i hurt someone, I can't justify it, therefore I'm sorry" Okay but did u bully anybody? yes or no? That wasn't clarified. You guys can decide for your selves, but this was Hyunjin's and his former teacher's statement.

_____________________________________________________________

The message I'm trying to get accross from all this is that Stray Kids have way more power over you than you realized, and that is definitely not okay. To the point where you are throwing your morals away, just to defend them. You know what? no idol should have influence over you like that. I don't care how good looking, how hot, how sweet, how talented they are. I don't care if they grew up with a single mother and a story so sad it will make Simon Cowell cry. I don't care how many time they have supported the lgbtq+ community. I don't give a damn about how adorable they act on camera with their members. You can not validate immoral actions whatsoever. And no, you absolutely can not sit here being a desperate, self-absorbed, pick-me, dusty girl for a man who doesn't even know you.

Exhibit C; Before we end this I want to clarify something. STAYs did not became toxic because of the Woojin fiasco, this fandom always was toxic, and the Woojin situation simply revealed that. The facts are that they were always toxic, they were always messed up, they were always fake. The wreckage with Woojin showed us their true colors. That is the reality, my friends. As of now this fandom is directly taking the crown for trashiest fandom alive in kpop. At this degree I honestly don't know what else to say. I have no respect left for them. I do though want to say that I am genuinely sorry to all the kind STAYs, I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. Because in the near future I don't see this issue going away. Since Stray Kids is becoming more and more popular and it's never going to stop they're going to keep getting bigger and bigger, the story will just become more aparent. Thank you for listening to my long rant. And at the end of the day all I can say to STAYs is good luck, cause you'll need it.

_____________________________________________________________

anywho stream Still Dream

Sources:

https://www.myimperfectlife.com/features/pretty-privilege

https://www.koreaboo.com/series/stray-kids-hyunjin-bullying-allegation/

[hidden-otaku-stuff]

(1) Hey! So sorry for replying late, a lot has happened these past couple of days D: but I hope you've been doing good! (I say as if I've been gone for months aksjdf) anyway, yeah, they're definitely scary. I think it'll be worth being able to be that soft and open with someone though. And I'm glad it did have a positive impact on you! Even if they were hard you came out stronger or wiser in some way. And thank you, you're so sweet :') So do you hon ❤️

hey honeymoon! sorry for taking my time to respond, i hope everything’s been alright with you! 

(2) Terushima really does just seem like a big dork who loves volleyball haha. I feel like his initial vibe would make me not want to interact v much lol but once you get to know him he's actually a good person. and that tongue piercing tho 👀. "that one definitely hurts a lot more than Falling does" then I think I'm good for awhile hahaha. I've already read a sad hospital AU so I'm going to stay FAR away for now. Honestly I wish there was an interesting story behind it but there's not :')

(3) basically I had an art blog and the name of it was kind of a pun with the word "honeydew." but that nickname was already taken and I wanted to be ~original~ sso I didn't want to use it lol. I still liked the honey aspect though and I thought Honeymoon sounded cute. I'm also kind of a secret hopeless romantic and at the time I kept my identity on my art blog a secret, so it kind of felt like an "alter ego" of mine? long story short I liked the nickname and it kinda stuck haha

ok i mean, to be fair, he was super aggressive when he was meeting kiyoko. but i definitely feel like there’s that dorky side to him LMAO.

oooof idk if I can handle any angst rn tbh so i can definitely relate 😭 

that’s honestly such a cute story though??? like, that’s literally so freakin’ adorable. what type of art did you use to do? (and honestly girl, this whole blog is on the DL and i tried super hard to keep it hidden from my life LOL).

there’s nothing wrong with being a hopeless romantic though! it gives you a chance to day-dream hehe 💞 what’s your favorite romantic trope? it could be as cliche or non-cliche as you’d like! 

(4) "i’m sorry for being a sadistic fk 🥰" 😀 something tells me you're kind of not LOL (really though I know you're sweet and don't actually want to hurt people akdhf) and honestly I'm glad you decided to expand on it! Chapter one is also great as a standalone but I'm so grateful for the rest so far, and you're doing an amazing job with it love 💖 I understand the chara x chara thing. I don't know if I've ever actually shipped anything to the point of me /wanting/ it to be canon

(6) like, it'd be cool if it was, but I don't actually care y'know? unless it was actual romantic tension built up in the movie/book/series. Fanart and fic is what mostly got me lol. I think the HQ fandom is super diverse/creative in its shipping. Not only because of an incredible story with great characters, but great fans and creators as well. And yes! someone else who likes KuroIwa!! I think that ship is really cute (and they're my top 2 faves so I'm biased haha) have you seen neutinya's art?

i swear i’m nice 💞 thank you so much for the love!! 🥺 i’ve been having writer’s block for a bit, and your comments have honestly motivated me to write so much more for it LOL

i definitely agree though, like, i can’t aggressively fight for one ship over another because it’s literally just not canon. it just feels wrong to “shove that agenda”, so to speak. but it’s always interesting to see all the different character combinations. i never would’ve imagined half of the ones out there if not for this fandom LOL

neutinya’s literally why I have a thing for KuroIwa!! LMAO. i really like the art that they put out. same with bright_stars_45 on IG. Their stuff is literally why i ship Bokuaka soooo hard. 

(7) (did I skip 5?) I really hope I'm numbering those right it's 12:30 am here lol. anyway, it's probably a good thing you weren't in the fandom then. I don't know how it is now, but it was p chaotic and toxic and there was actually controversy surrounding one of those fics. I'm sorry about you and your sister love :( I don't know if you'd ever want to have a strong one with her but I hope you do if you do! and if not then there will always be people you share that with, blood or not 💕

LOL you did skip 5, but it’s okay bby 💖 it’s not too serious tbh. i’m not really close to my family, so i’ve always believed in the “my family is the one’s i choose, not necessarily the one’s i’m blood-related to” :) 

(8) Piglet has always been my fave, but Eeyore and Lumpy are also great. do you have any favorite characters or ones that mean a lot to you? and that's really cool too!! I know being mixed can get super complicated but knowing you have all of those cultures in you in some way is pretty amazing. Honestly I've been undecided for the past 2 years but after everything going on in 2020, I've felt this need to release the truth? no matter what that may be. I know a lot of people say journalism 

(9) isn't an honest profession but, and this will sound arrogant, I want to change that. Even if that just means me being an independent journalist while being an editor to make a living, I'm okay with that. Also it can give you the opportunity to travel, and writing has always been my strong suit. socio is so I can have a better understanding of the world and learn to be less biased and more objective and understanding. What about you? :O

my favorite Disney character is honestly Tiana from Princess and the Frog! her hard-working story is hella relatable to me, and it inspired me to be better for myself if that makes sense? 

TBH the most annoying part of being mixed is being called eXoTiC by guys who are tryna sleep with me 💀 there’s definitely a lot of fetishization about it lol

i hella respect that! the need to release the truth. journalism is honestly a raw and authentic profession that people underestimate because they read from biased sources or the things they read isn’t accurate. i have mad respect for you for following that career path! if there’s anything i could do to help, lmk love 💖 TBH, i chose business because i wanted to open my own business and i love psych because i love understanding the world and the people in my lives. psycho-analysing is one of my hobbies hehe. so similar as to why you did socio!

(10) and yes!!!! tbh I've always liked theatre but was never really one for the stage. I was in a child friendly version of macbeth in 6th grade and that was it lol. In my senior year of high school I performed a slam poem about my depression and my teacher called me emotionally constipated lmaoo. and because of how hs went down for me I never got to take classes anyway. I started getting into sfx/film makeup though and I really want to do that! I also just love the energy of backstage tbh

(11) this is getting really long akfdjh. but yeah I want to learn more! I'm actually kind of struggling in my stage management class right now because I honestly don't know much about theatre so it's overwhelming. I haven't even seen a lot of shows (I did see The Lion King when I was a kid though!! and a few hs productions). enough about me though, what's your favorite part, or what are some of your best memories? I love seeing that it makes you so happy :D

omg i’m so sorry that your teacher called you that. that’s so inappropriate, especially considering the subject matter. i hope that you’ve had a more positive experience involving your work since then. if you ever want to talk about your struggle, please feel free to reach out, ok? 

you must be pretty talented with makeup though! that’s so cool 🤩 i’ve always admired sfx and people who are talented with makeup tbh. what’s your favorite part about it so far? 

i was fortunate enough that my hs had a super talented theatre program that i could be a part of. i had the opportunity to be in both tech, management, and on-stage. i honestly really enjoyed being behind-the-scenes in the management part! it was so great seeing a production from start to finish and knowing that i was involved with that process. i’m a huge theatre nerd tbh 😅 i love watching shows like Phantom of the Opera, Hamilton, RENT and I’ll routinely watch them haha. 

[ssrecovery]

Breaking free from the grip of addiction

The addiction started early for Amber Olansky and "Jen."

"Jen," who asked that her name not be used, started with OxyContin as a teen in Marlboro. By 16 she was hooked on heroin. By 21 she had bottomed out, living in Rhode Island with no money and no valid form of identification.

Olansky’s struggle with heroin started at the tender age of 13. She left her home in Vermont and drifted -- panhandling in Philadelphia, getting locked up in Trenton, giving birth to four children.

Today both are sober and back in the mainstream, having taken different routes to this hard-earned point.

September is National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month. These are their stories -- and wisdom for others who are facing the struggle.

'It has to be done the right way'

By the time Lisa Waknin realized her daughter had a serious problem, it was too late.

“I was lost and confused, one of those parents who couldn’t admit there was an issue, that my daughter was a drug addict, until it was full-blown in my face,” Lisa said. “I took her to 12 different rehabs in Florida. After 30 days she would be let out and would relapse almost instantly. I begged them to keep her longer.”

Throughout the ordeal, Lisa said, “I never lost contact with her. I stopped giving her money, but I paid for her phone and I spoke to her almost every day.”

Finally, they found a 90-day program in Arizona. Her daughter was willing to go, so Lisa put her on a plane and sent her west.

“She’s been there ever since -- she’s been sober a year-and-a-half now,” Lisa said. “A lot of times she was ready to get help, but the facilities she was at were not good. She was not equipped at all to come back.”

Her daughter, now 23, is living on her own in Arizona now, working at a department store and attending community college. Lisa sees her regularly.

“I saw my kid laugh like she used to, and it was the greatest feeling on earth to see her happy,” Lisa said. “I said, ‘That’s it. I’m going to pass this on. I’m going to make a place where people like me can go and know they're putting their kid in a good place.’ There’s hope, but it has to be done the right way.”

So Lisa did something bold: She left her successful career in the fashion industry to open her own long-term rehabilitation facility for those with drug and alcohol addiction. It’s called Silver Sands Recovery and it is located in Prescott, Az.

Silver Sands just got licensed and already has six clients. It can accommodate 40.

Lisa Waknin, founder of Silver Sands Recovery. (Photo: Courtesy of Lisa Waknin)

“In (rehab in) Florida, (the setup) was a condo-like structure where people would check on you,” Lisa said. “That was a nightmare, a free-for-all. In my facility you’re in a house with a house manager. So if you get up in the middle of the night, there’s someone there to talk to.”

Lisa Waknin also wants Silver Sands to be a valuable resource for desperate parents.

“A lot of parents blame themselves, ‘It must have been something I did,’” she said. “It really isn’t. Parents need to know that. I raised two children. One is an overachiever. One became horribly addicted to heroin.”

For more information, visit http://silversandsrecovery.com or call 888-845-9484.

'There is a way out'

For Amber Olansky, a chance encounter on the street saved her life.

“I had just about given up,” she said. “I met a woman while I was panhandling on the side of the road, and she told me about Dream Center.”

Jersey Shore Dream Center was founded by Isaac Friedel, a Christian pastor and a graduate of St. Rose High School in Belmar, and his wife Diamond. Inspired by a visit to the LA Dream Center -- a church mission that serves the community in Los Angeles -- Isaac began helping people on the streets of Asbury Park. In 2012 the nonprofit Jersey Shore Dream Center was incorporated. It now serves 50,000 people through a variety of programs.

 One of those is a Family Restoration Home for women who are battling life-controlling issues or in the process of drug or alcohol recovery. Over Labor Day weekend the home served as the hub for “Serve24,” a 24-hour block of continuous community service by Dream Center volunteers.

After detoxing in a Trenton jail following a scrape with the law, Olansky entered Family Restoration Home's 12-month program, which was launched in early 2015.

“We started off with six girls and we had four girls graduate -- two of them are currently working full-time now with the Dream Center,” said Mary MacNeill, the Dream Center’s director of operations. “We’ve got five more girls in the program now. They’re living there for 12 months, focused on rebuilding their lives and getting rid of the root reasons why these tendencies would come up.”

Olansky, now 29, had struggled with heroin for 15 years. Her fourth child was born addicted to heroin two years ago. That was the shock to her system that helped persuade her to seek help.

 “I knew the next time I went out and got high, I was going to die,” she said.

Olansky graduated from Family Restoration Home in April and now works full-time at the Dream Center.

“I’ve learned to live my life with certain principles. One of the main things is accountability,” she said. “It taught me structure, taught me consistency, taught me boundaries. I don’t put myself into compromising situations now.”

Now Olansky has re-engaged with her four children, ages 2-9. They are being raised by others, but as she said, “I am able to be in their lives. I’m not on the sidelines.”

Who knows where she would be if not for the compassionate woman she met on the roadside. She wants to be that person for others.

“I feel like when you’re in that spot of hopelessness, there is a way out,” Olansky said. “It’s OK to ask for help, It’s OK to not know. Sometimes we don’t want to get help because we don’t know what the next step is. I want to tell my story to help people realize that there is hope.”

The Jersey Shore Dream Center is run entirely on donations. To contribute, or find out more about its programs, visit http://jerseyshoredreamcenter.org/

Four signs of drug addiction

Lisa Waknin, president of Silver Sands Recovery, on four signs for parents that their child may have a drug addiction.

1. Chronic trouble waking up in the morning.

2. Problems in school, particularly failing grades and issues with teachers.

3. Asking for money all the time with nothing to show for it.

4. Money or jewelry around the house goes missing.

“There are a lot of parents out there who need help and guidance with this,” she said. “I was one of them. So I understand where they’re coming from.”

Staff writer Jerry Carino: jcarino@gannettnj.com.

Source : https://www.app.com/story/life/wellness/2016/09/13/breaking-free-grip-addiction/89684924/