#and he complains about the solutions people come up with and then doesnt really have a good solution either

[end-of--the-line]

had to read zizek for a philosophies of violence course the tldr is i hate him

[pupyr0arz]

Snippets

(Soulless Sam/Vamp Dean, Stalker JohnSam and weecest slow burn wips)

soulless sam + vampire dean.

Dean, at his core, is a simple creature driven by simple needs. Lust and loyalty drive him, silly wants and the bone deep need to serve and fight for those he deems worthy. For John, for Sam.

 These moments, when his base nature, stark and clear, shines through….that is when Sam understands him most, when he’s slipping into another skin to pursue a girl eyeing him at a bar, the sparkle of want in his eyes when they find a good place to eat, and the occasional longing glances Dean shoots towards him when he thinks Sam isn’t looking. The way he sticks by his side without prompting, the drive to throw himself into danger for the safety of a nameless person. This is the most familiar shape his brother can take, burned into Sam’s eyelids, carved into what remains of his tattered subconscious.

But his time with Lisa has muddled his brother, and Sam’s time spent away and <i>different</i> has already made Dean a stranger to him. He can’t predict him as accurately anymore, can’t steer the conversation with the simple ease he once had. Can’t figure out what to say to make Dean agree, what to avoid to set him off. Sam is stumbling in the details, the little things he has found so bright and sharp since his return everywhere else. Sam finds Dean looking at him with more and more suspicion and dawning fears. 

Sam doesn’t find himself strongly…motivated much anymore, but Dean slots neatly back into his life despite rough edges. All Dean needs is careful trimming, guidance. He’s Sam’s perfect partner, born and bred for him and Sam finds the idea of having to settle for subpar distasteful. He’s back to being used to Dean at his side, back to being able to glance and find the definition of safety spanning his whole life a step behind. He isn’t nearly as stupid as he was before, doesn’t buy into the hype, doesnt have that stupid boyish statue of a superhero in the shape of Dean he had kept carefully polished since boyhood looming over him anymore. He knows just how falible Dean is, knows how to look at it head on. But with the clarity of Dean’s failings also comes with the clarity of his successes.

Dean is a talented hunter. Obviously. One of the best of this age. 

Dean would happily lie down and die for him at any given moment, has before. Dean would protect Sam from any accusation if he stayed loyal to Dean. As long as he kept Dean at that pedestal, replayed the devotion with his focus, Dean would do anything for him or die trying.

Math is becoming his strong suit more and more by the day as he has to deal with peoples baffling stupidity, and this is a rather simple equation. Insert Sammy, receive Dean. 

Easier said than done.

There is a solution. It will fix all of his problems. Rewrite the equation in a solvable format.

Problem : the Campbells and Dean will not allow Sam to work with them simplgi get rid of the Campbells, and rewrite the equation in a solveable format.

Sam kills Samuel and keeps his brother a vampire.

Sam didn’t stop growing when he left. It’s a thought that haunts John as he prowls the Californian streets. He welcomes the angry sting of it, the bitter darkness to stain his thoughts, make him grip the wheel a bit too tight. Better than guilt. Anything is better than thinking about why he’s even here. 

He has his goddamn reasons. He doesn’t need to explain himself, least of all to Sam who up and left him and Dean for this. Dean wouldn’t dare ask, not really, and John has no one left to peer at him suspiciously through windows or loudly complain that he isn’t being transparent. All he has are quiet hours in his truck and in alleys, places to slip out of his skin where no one can see the gleam of teeth and shining eyes he knows he carries.

He worries to look in the mirror that one day his hands and eyes will find some blue and blacked mark, where fang rended flesh and spread infection, seeded darkness in him and carved the creature out of his core and into his bones. John never does. It’s only always him.

The last day of school is a drawn out affair, activity after activity, slowly drawing to a close in their classrooms.

“Everyone, gather around,” Mrs (name) calls, taking out a bag on her desk. Sam doesn’t jostle to the front, lets himself drift at the back of the pack as his classmates form a rough circle around the desk.

“We’re going to be doing a goodbye exercise I’ve done with every class I’ve ever had.” She tells them like it’s a secret smiling. She has dimples and a wide, cheerful smile. She’s one of Sam’s favorite sorts of teachers, warm and plump and cheerful in a way he imagines would remind him of his mother. “I want everyone here to pick a rock.” 

Not lolipops then. She dumps the bag out on her desk, and it’s mid to small sized pebbles. Sam recognizes some from around the area, others must’ve been bought. Geography.

He steps up as his classmates head back to their desks or squabble over the coolest looking rock, and spots his. It’s small, and with blackish spots, sitting off away from the pile. Sam feels sort of silly picking it up, but it feels right for a moment, like he’s a character in some great novel and this is something meaningful, something that will matter later and be representative of him.

“Now, I want everyone to sit down quietly at their desk. We’e going to go around the room, and everyone is going to hold one person’s rock and think good thoughts. Happy memories or things you like about them. They’ll be good luck charms, reminders of your year here at (school name).”

Sam looks down at his rock, thinks of how he will probably never see any of his classmates or teachers again, and even if he would he wouldn’t be able to recognize them. How their faces and names, aside from the most notable, will fade away into a blurry mess. How he will quietly pack away his friendships and leave them abandoned at the side of the road, mewling in some cardboard box, and this rock in the bushes beside the school. 

New state, new life.

He passes it along to the teacher, and tries to think of something for Adam Summerland’s rock.

❁

The sky feels rounded out here, curving to meet the grassland and covering everything in a blanket of powder blue. The Impala runs smooth even as the roads get worse and Dean starts wincing. Sam’s not sure why he’s so obsessed with making sure nothing touches the car, he’s half convinced it’s indestructible by now and the other half of him is sure Dean could repair it if it was a pile of scrap with a toothpick and rubber bands.

❁

Sam wiggles the doorknob of their motel room, easing it open. The door jams seemingly every time it closes, but he can’t expect much more from any place that lets a twelve year old live for weeks alone.

Twenty-eight days John and Dean have been gone. 

❁

He scrubs at his eyes with his sleeve, furious with Dean for being such a jerk, even more furious with himself for crying.

❁

Sam doesn’t go far, he’s mad at Dean but the pulse of anxiety at the thought of coming back and finding him crumpled on the floor wins out.

❁

Three things Sam can see. The yellow white of the bathroom tiles, Dean’s blood on the floor, the needle in his hands.

Three things Sam can taste. Sweat, tears, and iron.

Three things Sam can hear. The soft moaning of his brother in the bedroom, the low tones of his father, his heartbeat pounding in his ears.

❁

The Impala waits for them at the end of the road proper. Dad’s leaning against it, hands in his pockets as he watches them come back to the house. 

He can’t have seen anything, wouldn’t look so calm if he did but a chill runs through Sam anyways, putting out the fire Dean lit in him. Suddenly the sunlight is cold on his skin, the warmth leached out of the land.

Dean climbs up the porch steps and doesn’t look back, leaving Sam standing in the grass, lips tingling. He can feel the weight of his brother's hand where it rested on nis shoulder, like it burned a scar there.

They’re going to Washington this time. New state, new life.

[minnowtank]

totk spoilers sorry this is my blog i can be silly and complain about the story lol. lol

AAAHHHH

ganondorf conveniently wakes up at the exact second link and zelda approach him in the underground passage. this couldve been solved by having them accidentally cause ganondorfs resurrection somehow like idk. make it so that they couldnt see the corpse and have it so that zelda is drawn to rauru's stone and grabs it without thinking. instead this doesnt happen and rauru's arm just so happens to fall down at the exact time they appear and the secret stone happens to roll down to the exact position for zelda to pick it up before ganondorf starts to fuck shit up. just kind of an odd scene really.

other coincidences include stuff like ok i guess the light dragon was just flying up sososo high for 100000s of years and conveniently came down to a low enough altitude when the upheaval happened. except shes a powerful dragon and they never stated that there was a cloud barrier like skyward sword so nothing really justifies her not being able to come any lower and have anyone else not only see her masssive ass, but also see the whole fuckass master sword embedded in her head. it makes no sense because she undergoes dragonification on the surface, not a sky island, and we see no cloud barrier being formed following her transformation, so basically there was no reason why she would not have been seen by anyone in hyrule on the surface before the events of the upheaval. correction i forgot most people cannot see dragons ignore this

ok so at some point before the upheaval(?) ganondorf despite being sealed is somehow in possession of the 5 secret stones the ancient sages once possessed. this is never explained & also why would the sages not enlist any protective measures for these extremely powerful items and WHY wouldnt they PASS THEM DOWN IN THEIR CULTURES but the biggest question here is why doesnt ganondorf fucking. use these free stones to power him up??? its never said that you can only be reaping the benefits of one stone at a time, so wouldnt ganondorf's first instinct be to collect them all the second he could?? of course he doesnt do this because then it would be joever for our heroes. but like auuggAUAAGJ

referring to my earlier point, this isnt a problem with the oot macguffin equivalent, the sage medallions, or anything else in zelda really unless im misremembering. in oot the sage medallions only manifested once you awakened the sages, and obviously only the hero could do that. even with the other macguffins in that game, the spiritual stones, WERE useful to ganondorf and he cursed jabu-jabu & the deku tree and threatened the gorons because he was trying to acquire them for himself without announcing his immediate presence as the evil man trying to take over hyrule. in totk you can just take a secret stone and it will power you up. its not even like the triforce where it manifests within a secret magic dimension blocked off by a sword and other shit its literally a physical object that you can steal...did anyone on the writing team even think about what these stones being accessible to ganondorf implied at ALL?? even if only one stone can be used at a time, it would have made more sense for him to keep them on his person instead of putting them in the exact places the sages would be found. like ganondorf is supposed to be a cunning trickster and the solution was so easy and he doesnt take it because Plot.

during the section of the story where you and the regional sages take down the puppet zelda/phantom ganons at hyrule castle, ganondorf himself does not appear, which prompts riju to claim that he is not at full strength yet. however at any point in the game regardless of main content completed, just like in botw, you can go underneath the castle and trigger the final boss fight. this implies that ganondorf was at full strength the entire time, but chose to dick around as puppet zelda, cause regional phenomena, and sit as a skeleton in his basement instead of just actually taking over the world for no reason. "waiting for link" or some shit could have been a somewhat passable reason, but ganondorf dismisses him as insignificant upon first meeting him and assumes him to be dead until the puppet zelda/phantom ganon fight, so that cant be the reason.

not much explored in terms of the gerudo being connected to ganondorf via blood besides "we didnt abort that thang and now we must atone." although i may have missed 1 line of dialogue here or there so take this point with a grain of salt. i believe the old lightning sage doesnt even bring up how the gerudo were literally involved in his plot to take over hyrule and instead opts for "he was one of us but then..he got crazey." also something thats never brought up is how there was simultaneously a gerudo sage on rauru's side and gerudos fighting with ganondorf. that couldve been interesting to learn more about but NO we have to make the story as boring as posssible!!

[elyse-rgrs]

God explains to us that there are power in our words. Because Satan can hear them. He can hear how he is getting us. And he can use those words to try to keep us trapped. Pay attention when your mind starts contradicting the truths and cling to the truths. Write them down. visually see them and get them in your heart. You are loved so anything you think that goes against that is spiritual warfare. Things come at you constantly in different forms to teach you lessons. So you can show how you are an overcomer. even to yourself. you can do hard things and you are going to keep doing hard things. eventually they will get easy and you will still deal or move along to even harder and conquer that! Keep pushing forward and working on your mindset. Anxiety can keep you stuck if you suffer from it, or you can work on the root of it and hug yourself and know that God loves you and you can get through it with Him because all things really are possible. We have to allow ourselves to dream those big dreams and not think that God wants us stuck. He gives us talents and lets us flourish how we want down here and then when we pass on from this earth we can do even more for Him because he sees how faithful and hardworking we are. Hardworking doesnt mean you get zero breaks and cant enjoy the beauty or make mistakes. When your brain starts to try to worry about what you are lacking - you really can rest in the fact that God has provided you with the brain to figure it out and you arent lacking - its just a space for Him to come in and help you out and you can conquer. God doesnt want us to live in poverty. Focus on your blessings and the good in each moment to know you are living life to the fullest potential. Thats how you do it. Never allow anyone, not even yourself, over hear you complain about ANYTHING. it is a waste of time. Expand from that place and start being solution oriented. This can be exhausting too when people just bring problems to you and they are not solution oriented but give them grace and keep up your boundaries to keep you from being burnt out. Take action. Watch your choices. You really can only control yourself and time is irrelevant so do not get caught up if things feel unfair now - the time of this world does not matter and one day it will all be fair. write down your dreams so you can know what to focus on and never be afraid of throwing out that list and creating a whole new one. and see the beauty in what you have accomplished and grow on from there. you can do this. 

[prncssguya]

watching w/subs

- but how did he get to the bed in the kang mansion? did he pass out at soo hyun’s grave and yohan carried him into the house?? writers i need to know these things

- i’m uncomfortable with how much elijah has cried these past few episodes. just stop she deserves the world

- both yohan and elijah making sure ga on eats and offering to cook him ramyeon to comfort him🤧 they’re really niece and uncle

- yohan was trying so hard to comfort gaon when he himself was never comforted in the times he needed it the most. he doesnt know how to comfort others but he's still trying hard for the people he loves when he gets literally nothing in return.. i hate this

- the president is more sick than sun ah. he’s a whole clown and how dare the foundation guys say about yohan “is he even human?” like tf are you?? the hypocrisy. also intentionally spreading a virus in poor neighborhoods?? sun ah is disgusted by him

- it feels like everyone keeps on relying on yohan to have solutions to everything but when it doesn't align to their beliefs, they complain but can't even give an alternate solution

- distracted by ji sung’s voice 😌 please keep talking

- He resigned?? 😂😂 and he’s making a big deal about it on national television and making yohan seem like a heartless monster, wow chincha this guy.

- so actually ga on did defend yohan but min junho knows where his weak spots and used soo hyun as an excuse to get him to betray yohan. all junho has are what if statements like you know nothing stfu. i’m ready to fight 🤺 he saw he wasn’t getting through to ga on and pulled out soo hyun as a last resort cause look at his face

- side note: i don't remember anyone ever asking Gaon questions such as "how are u doing? how do u feel?", not even at the beginning. It has always been "don't do that, do this, this is wrong, this is right", always forcing him to "pick" a side and making him feel he made the wrong decision

Synopsis of #TheDevilJudgeEp15: Medea

With Gaon's revelation, Jookchang's trial is postponed. Although he believes he is doing the right thing, for some reasons there's something bothering Gaon's mind. On the other hand, Yohan who is again hurt by someone he's come to believe, is now acting unlike his usual self. On another hand, after the postponement of Jookchang's trial, the directors of the Foundation move forward & even start to plan to get rid of Seonah... Will Seonah be able to win in this lonely fight against the Foundation Directors?

- based on the previews i firmly believe this is all a set up by sun ah and min junho to get ga on to betray yohan. it seems like sun ah is calling ga on and showing him “the truth”

- so ga on’s going to come at him with the knife but yohan will catch it in his hands. him and soo hyun will have matching scars. yohan said since you want to betray, no more soft domestic looks at home

last lines of the preview:

- yohan to gaon: “you will regret this forever” sun ah: “you finally look lonely”

and ga on still doesn’t know yohan was stabbed and k died 🥴 but he’s going to attempt to stab him next episode. what are even thinking my guy, what if elijah comes in on you doing that (i’m so curious where she is whenever they have there heated moments)

look how peaceful and cute he looks reading his book

- this is an interesting book by nietzsche, i remember studying it in my literature and philosophy class in college. one of the main concepts is that truth and thoughts are ever-changing and developing (i need someone to gif all the books yohan has read throughout the show). the drivers of changing truths and facts are power and will, according to Nietzsche. so those that hold power may define truth today, but when that power base shifts, so might the definition of morality, good, and evil. (the writers really put alot of thought into the making of this show and it shows. it completely fits with the moral dilemma that presented itself in this episode)

and here comes the fun killer (i’m sorry you know i love you and you don’t deserve anything that’s happened to you)

this is going to hurt…

[mojwisungie]

hc | boyfriend ♡

req (from: anon) ➥ : read the mark-jaemin boyfriend, and then then renjun-jisung boyfriend headcanons,,, can you do one for the remaining members? thank you~~

☄︎ with: lee jeno, lee donghyuck, zhong chenle ☄︎ lou.note: this has been in my wips for so long im sorry anonie but here i am to give it you guys as an offering for my birthday (its tomorrow on the 26th but anyway) hehe hope you all enjoy <3

ੈ⋆ mark & jaemin ver. | renjun & jisung ver.

Jeno

the observing, supportive boyfriend

jeno doesnt pay much attention to things that arent important

but YOU are important

you mean so much to him, and thats still an understatement

he often thinks that by paying attention to you and everything you do

he'll know you in a way no one else does

at this point, he knows everything about you

your favorite sweater (which he owns), favorite color, favorite artists, favorite songs, etc.

jeno actually knows your order by heart even if it varies in different restaurants

his mantra is actually happy y/n = happy jeno ^_^

thats also the reason why fights dont usually happen

he knows when its too much for you and so he will do what he thinks is best for the situation

anyways: dates with jeno are either doing physical activities or plain cuddling on the couch

it would mostly be him who initiates dates like hiking, biking, etc.

but, he would also always check with you if youre okay with it or if you want to rest 

one time you asked him for a day in those sport grounds ?? like those places that has random games like wall-climbing, archery, and trampolines

oh this boy has the biggest smile on his face asking you, “hold on love, are you serious ( ◕▿◕ ) ?”

during hectic weeks, he’s definitely up for movie marathons

if he still has some energy, he will make a blanket fort for the both of you

also jeno lee is a cuddle bug (you cannot change my mind, this case is closed)

and so he’ll use these lazy dates to indulge in hugging you for as long as he can 

on the supportive note, he always reassures you with the kindest words

AND hes the type of guy who will ask you if you need comfort or solutions when you rant to him T﹏T

and that is actually proof that he is the best support system

he'd be your hype man when you need a push

thinking of auditioning for a club? go ahead, he'll teach you what he knows

want to try a new hobby and start journaling? he'll help you find cute stickers (and he'll buy them too)

he will always help in whatever way he can, and he will constantly assure you that he’s there for you as you have been for him

he is reserved, quiet, and keep things on the down low, yet with you, he’s entirely different

jeno loves you just as you love him, and he’ll do everything to prove it to the world- you.

Haechan

the enthusiastic, soft boyfriend

he is!! literally!! the sun!!

he often calls you often in the morning to wake you up, greeting you with the loveliest voice saying, “good morning darling, how was your sleep?” SADKJASD

if he’s free, he’ll actually drop by yours to bring breakfast and eat with you

and if ever you still live with your family, you bet that once you slip into the kitchen he’s chatting up with your parents like he’s their son

actually... he technically is

he loves going out with you and your family as much as he loves going out with his

hyuck is very family-oriented, you really dont have to plead to him if you want him to come to a gathering

as long as you say yes to him inviting you to their family activities too 😌

he once asked you to go with him to this intimate family dinner his relatives organized

and you ask him, “are you sure im allowed to go? the invitation in the email complete says Lee Family and clearly.. im not-”

this man didnt even let you finish and says, “BUT YOU WILL BE!! SOON!! I WILL MARRY YOU!! baby come on just please come with me!!!”

he means it though

you dont know it, but the thought of spending the rest of his life with you often comes into his mind

and so dates with him can be both ends of the spectrum

you guys could go for fancy restaurants, amusement parks, and even late night computer games (if you dont play, he’ll teach you dont worry <3)

but there are also domestic dates such as grocery shopping, helping each other babysit nephews/nieces, and the such

its obvious to every one that haechan is so soft for you

and he doesnt care what other people say

one time, mark heard him talk to you in the cutest, softest voice and laughed... and regretted it bc haechan turned to him in the most serious face and the deepest tone saying, “and so?” 

as much as possible, he wants you to feel loved bc thats what you make him feel

despite this, arguments are still there, but it doesnt go on for long

fights dont escalate as you both work together against the problem

so at the end of the day, no feelings are hurt or turned a blind eye to

disagreements are often rooted from the nature of work though, thats why every time things arent so fine, he’ll do his best to fix it

because he treasures his time with you and the love you both invest in

he didnt value time that much before, bc he’s so used to putting up with whatever that comes his way

but when you came into his life, he realized it is indeed precious

haechan spends every second loving you beyond infinity

Chenle

the parental, sincere, affectionate boyfriend

you’ve seen him rant, right?

he’ll do that often, but only when its about you not getting what you need

others may not see it, but he’s really concerned when its about you so he’ll do anything to make sure youre well taken care of

if you havent eaten yet bc youre too busy going over your notes for your exams, he’ll buy you your favorite food and feed it to you

all the while talking about how you shouldnt put aside eating bc its important to eat meals at the right time

this guy solves old math problems when he has time to spare, so he’ll be okay with you coming to for help whenever you struggle with your lessons

as cliché as it may be, he will also get you the stuff you need- whether it may be for school or for your personal shenanigans 

you complained about your laptop once, saying it keeps on lagging

he deadass goes, “do you wanna go and buy a new one now?” 💀

he just wants you to do well in the stuff you do, okay ??

chenle is blunt about pretty much everything in your relationship too

he tells you all the stuff he knows he should tell you

including embarrassing moments of his members

the dreamies cant joke around with you too much,, bc they know you know everything (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

but jokes aside, sometimes his honesty can be cause of some arguments

bc he gets too straight-forward at times and ends up unintentionally hurting you :((

and when you explain why it made you feel that way, he’s lost bc he thinks he was just saying the truth

but as time passes, he will learn how to be upfront with you without having to sadden you

please be patient with him as he is with you 👉🏼👈🏼

anyhow, dates with him would always be one for the books

if you ever think that he probably doesnt remember the dates you wanna go on to, youre wrong

bc its all listed in his mind and he’s determined to tick every single one from the list

when he’s busy or away on tour, facetimes would be a regular thing

he’s prepared with the timezones and he will remind you to sleep when you should, no buts y/n

if you tell him you cant just drift off, he’ll always offer to sing you to sleep

and when you do, he’ll take lots of pictures to treasure the little moments he has with you

some people tell him he looks too deeply in love

but he doesnt really see anything wrong with it because it was with you

chenle completely knows that he loves you so much, and he’s willing to love you until forever

[dyketubbo]

when you get a chance, thoughts on seer of space tubbo?

(i am also open to maid of space tubbo, and many others, but i am currently seer leaning)

*wakes up* oh boy time to classpect! under the readmore because seers are interesting enough that i ended up going on a tangent

of course no argument about the aspect because hes 100% a space player, ive discussed heir before i believe, so seer analysis it is, because i havent thought about it before (seers slip my mind sometimes, i love them, my brain is just the equivalent of a ground with a bunch of banana peels and cant handle having more than 4 coherent thoughts at a time).

like said with knights, he doesnt exactly try to tell anyone what he wants to come off as, sure he wants to be intimidating enough that people leave him alone, but, well. he does fit the intimidating thing, its less a facade and more a warning, he doesnt want to hurt anyone, but he will should he deem it necessary (thankfully, tubbos kind enough that he deems it unecessary in most cases). hes a bit too likely to follow through, and its bred from feeling unsafe, rather than feeling insecure. c!tubbo knows he can do things, the cc is more likely to downplay what he does than the character is (not that c!tubbo doesnt, but he does still believe in his abilities, he just doesnt think hes important enough to emphasize his impact. difference between going "oh no it was all __" and going "oh no it wasnt just me" when theres something hes done most of the work on)

so, he almost fits knight, at least in abilities, after all knights are capable and they know theyre capable, and hes very good at the exploitation aspect, pushing limitations and using them for their benefits. i could see him as maybe a knight thats actually gotten past the insecurity and facades already, if we're to consider his spy history as him being pre-actualization. being a space player doesnt really change how solid knight arcs are, so the combination of knight and space doesnt make knight much more fitting for tubbo

similarly, he does fit a few aspects of being a seer (having similar struggles, talking a shitton sometimes, sitting back and observing the world around him when he finds it beneficial to do so, generally very smart especially within their group), but not so much others (seers are often overbearingly smug in a way tubbos a bit too humble for, learning through education rather than experience, having a habit of getting too focused on their goal, and theyre overall passive, being too active is actually how they get themselves into shit, while tubbo gets hurt when hes too passive). seers of space focus more on the present than the future or past, which almost fits tubbo.. if it werent for the fact that he doesnt focus on the future or past out of repression cknsks. not that he would much anyways, but the intentional focus on the present is out of stubborness and trauma rather an actual trait of staying in the present. notably, theres quite a few times where tubbo does think about the past and future, especially when he was younger, and he does try to work towards his ideal future, he just doesnt talk about it much.

funnily enough, because of where seer falls through, he ends up being closer to the mage struggle of, well, getting their asses kicked when theyre too passive because things work out best when theyre involving themselves. mages also have that posturing thing as well, though its connected to intelligence (desperately trying to come off as smarter because they believe theyre still too dumb and naïve, even though theyre actually doing fine), so again, not exactly tubbos kind of posturing. plus, hes pissy, but not pissy enough for a mage, as theyre more likely to get caught up in how fed up they are with everything, while tubbo gets caught up in how much he still cares no matter how much he seems like he doesnt. the space aspect adds that theres.. a shitton of shit happening to and around him, which does fit, at least, and mages of space usually suffer because of their passions, knowledge, and experience, as well as they're rather hands on. again, fits, but, well.

seers and mages are a bit too focused on knowledge for the kind of person tubbo is. hes smart for sure, has a lot of knowledge, and even when hes not a spy he does want to know things and looks for that knowledge, but while he fits the goals and positives of seers (and mages), he doesnt exactly fit their flaws or what happens when theyre unhealthy. not that he needs to show signs of being unhealthy, but even healthy players still show an ability to be the unhealthy versions of their classes. he doesnt get his ass kicked for being too active and tunnel visioned like seers do (and it can sometimes come from ego trips, which tubbos very unlikely to have, even if he fits the "my solution is the most correct here, so we have to follow it" part of it all) like seers, he doesnt have any moments of just refusing to learn and complaining about how everything sucks rather than doing anything about it (nor is he likely too) like mages. he does vaguely fit where the unhealthiness of a knight can come in, propping up a shield to a ridiculous extent and lashing out when their insecurites are picked at, but that feels a bit too reckless to be tubbo (though it does fit tommy).

overall, i can kind of see seer for a slightly different version of tubbo, but it feels too passive for tubbo, if that makes sense. he is passive at least, in terms of classes anyways (note- despite how some classpectors define it, passive doesnt really mean you serve others, its not an insult, it just means you weave your aspect through others, rather than yourself. its the difference between a prince destroying x/destroying through x and a bard allowing destruction of x/inviting destruction through x. still listen to passive classes, thats what seers fall into after all, and seers are very important). its just that tubbo usually gets hurt by being too passive rather than getting hurt by being too active (not that it couldnt happen, which is why i say it could still fit under other circumstances).

speaking of passive v active, if i had to pick a passive class i feel fits tubbo the most, probably heir. active wise, id say maid does actually fit rather well. i feel like ive talked about maid tubbo before but i might be remembering a different analysis so just in case ill generally say i feel he fits the arc of going from a "doormat" to taking their life for themselves. theyre stubborn, stressed out from listening to others, like banter, occassionally silly and can start arguing in circles due to the stubborness (think that one patrick id scene, but smarter). maids are also heavy repressers, they fear being seen as weak, and are unwilling to ask for help. they rely on their environment and hate it.

and, painfully enough, some classpectors state that when pushed into being unhealthy, maids explode. maids are already intimidating on their own, being powerful and smart enough to know what to do with that power, and when they get stressed out enough, they, well, explode. they hurt everyone in one big event (think aradias actions in make her pay). its not necessarily a reckless lashing out at everyone like knights, but a giant burnout that happens to effect everyone. tubbos not at a point where it seems likely for this to happen, but i wouldnt be too surprised if something like it did happen were things to get too be too much. he is the mf with nukes after all. healthy maids are independent, with maids of space specifically, well, making space for themselves and others (sound like a certain snow commune anyone), attempting to start new lives. an independent maid, allowed to be their own person without anyone stepping on them, is a healthy maid. unfortunate for tubbo that his life fucking sucks too hard for him to really get to this point KEKW

heirs fit a similar "followed others then became more independent" arc, mostly unaware that theyre being lead around but, if whats happening aligns with their own ideals, dont really care much that theyre being a follower when they are aware of such. heirs have an instinct to stick to comfort, rather than an instinct to be independent like maids. heirs still need to find their independence and autonomy, but need to do so because they can change things, theyre also very powerful when they play correctly. however, going against what they may feel is best and is more comfortable for them can be actively painful, early heirs often would rather be comfortable and happy even if things arent going well than take the difficult route, know that theyll suffer, and temporarily risk comfort and happiness in an attempt to reach an end they dont know will be there for sure. they can deal with suffering, but choosing to stay constantly aware of this suffering hurts and they struggle with dealing with the fact that they need to be aware to stop the suffering.

heirs change by picking up on subtle details naturally, subconsciously effecting those around them, making either themself or others interact with their aspect differently (or actively not think with their own aspect, in a positive way). heirs, when self aware, want to help. thats an important detail, and its why heirs are often protagonists, they dont have the ambition to do things that only benefit themselves when they realize theyre in a position of power. at their core, heirs usually want to make things better, but learning to move on and better themselves can hurt, and it takes a lot for heirs to to let it be apart of the process.

unhealthy heirs fade. they get so stressed out by getting hurt that they shrink back into themselves, they stick with what makes them comfortable and refuse to acknowledge that they and others are hurting, wrapped up in their more selfish instincts and becoming hard and stressful to deal with. "i want everything to be okay" becomes "i dont want to deal with the idea that nothings okay right now", soon getting to "im okay and you cant tell me otherwise, fuck you if you want to take this away from me, you cant stop me but i will stop you". of course, that last one can be useful if a heir were to use it to change things for the better, but the tunnel vision on "i want to be comfortable even if im making others uncomfortable" is, well. shitty. unhealthy heirs wont actively try to hurt anyone unless pushed, but they can they can still manage to through a lack of acknowledging that they have to help. and well, that sounds somewhat like tubbo, the hurting through a lack of helping, at the very least its present in things like him not visiting tommy during exile (partially because it was safer to just not challenge dream, partially out of guilt and belief that tommy hated him)

heirs of space specifically are about flitting from project to project, learning about what interests them, impatient when others dont share their excitement, and learning when to adapt and move on from things. generally, if i had to put a scale on it, id say tubbos most likely to be a heir, then a maid, then a seer. it all depends on what aspects of him you wanna focus on, really. seer tubbo is really interesting though! i think seers are more smug than he is though, not that he doesnt have his moments, but his tendency to believe hes right isnt all too prominent compared to other traits of his, and its less from a smug "i know whats right" and more just a firm "this isnt right, i have a better idea". he wants to do whats right, but if he feels like he doesnt know whats right, hes willing to rely on others, it just.. takes him a bit of pushing to admit such

[blxetsi]

modern levi ackerman dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

levi ackerman x gn!reader

- firstly, lets get love language out of the way

- i think his love language would be acts of service

- so like, he'll brew your coffee for you and set out your favourite mug when he goes to the kitchen to make his tea (bc we all know he'd wake up earlier than you 🙄)

- or he'll pick up a muffin from your favourite bakery on his way home

- or if you ask him to remind you to do something later, he's immediately writing it out on a sticky note and sticking it somewhere youd notice

- he notices youre getting low on your favourite moisturizer ? or lipbalm ? he's taking a picture of the packaging and getting it the next time he drives past walmart or smth

- he just does little things that help make your day better

- now i feel like a lot of people say this already, but he is NOT very comfortable with public displays of affection

- its not that he doesnt like it when you touch him, or hold his hand, or kiss his cheek, he just gets flustered and feels like everyone is watching you two

- but one thing he does allow is looping your arms together while you walk, especially in crowded streets

- it doesnt mean he doesnt like being close with you, he just hates doing it public. when youre alone ? hes ALL OVER YOU.

- "will you play with my hair ?"

- "levi im working."

- "okay can you multitask ?" motherfucker 😐

- doesnt matter if hes the big spoon or little spoon, just being close to you is enough.

- also would try and get used to your love language

- if your love language is physical touch hes genuinely surprised by how many times you put his hands on him each day (NOT in a sexual way) like even his mother never touched him as much and he's a momma's boy 😳

- when you wake up your coming out to the kitchen to fill your coffee, but not before kissing the top of his head as you walk past

- then youre guzzling down your coffee like its water before putting it in the sink and walking back, petting his head in the process

- you'll hug him while hes cooking, or brushing his teeth. youre giving him kisses before he leaves and when he comes home, just little small acts of love, but it happens so frequently that levi cant help but notice it

- your love language is verbal affirmations ? youre getting your coffee while saying "goodmorning beautiful"

- "i love yous" are thrown at him a lot, they never fail to make him feel better

- youll compliment this man and he short circuits for a second, quickly gets used to it as time goes on

- also too i think he'd be taller in a modern au, but not very very tall like erwin, im talking 5'7" to 5'9"

- and he's fine with his height, it doesn't bother him that much, he's the average height of a man so what's the big deal ?

- also he really doesnt care about height either. youre shorter than him ? cool, that means he can bend down to give you little forehead kisses. around the same height as him ? awesome, that makes it easier for him to give you a peck on the lips. taller than him ? mf he'll climb you like a tree if he has to. really doesn't care.

- also doesn't have a preferences for body type or anything. he thinks that character is way more important than looks 100% and he'll always find different things about you beautiful. your laugh is weird ? k now he's making you two watch a john mulaney special to so youll laugh. hate your belly and wanna lose weight, he's holding you and telling you to only lose weight if you genuinely want to be "healthier" and not so you get skinny. your acne scars bother you ? he's kissing your cheeks a lot more than usual, but you can't complain. literally Loves Every Part of You

- also i think his family would absolutely ADORE YOU and his friends for that matter

- miss kuchel is pulling you into a hug the first time she sees you, and is so accomodating and sweet. shes genuinely interested in your interests and what you do for a living, and will NOT hesitate to get levi's baby pictures out if you ask.

- his uncle ? he probably wont be there for the family dinner, but then kuchel's gonna call him up like "levi's s/o ?? absolutely spectacular !!" and then hes like "huh maybe i gotta come visit to see the runt and his lover"

- also i think in a modern au, kuchel wouldve gotten really sick when levi is a boy, so kenny would have came home to take care of his sister and try and take care of levi. in the end she got better, and he went back to his own home, but now she requests that he come for at least one family holidy so they can all spend it together

- BUT back to mr. ackerman

- idk what he'd do in modern times, i used to think he'd be a good english professor for a university, but then i saw a headcanon that he'd go into law school and become a lawyer, and honestly ?? it makes sense

- after a long day at work he just wants to come home to you, he'll find you on the couch reading or doing some of your own work, so he'll just slip off his coat and blazer and undo his tie while slipping off his shoes by the door. before plopping his head in your lap and requesting you to play with his hair.

- if you don't live with him hes taking a shower and then immediately calling you asking to come over. if you can ?? great he'll be in bed waiting to be spooned. if not, thats fine, but levi would like to facetime and rant.

- also has the absolute WORST road rage

- "that little prick cut me off !"

- "levi he's taking his driver's test !"

- "so ? i hope that instructor doesn't give the idiot a pass 🙄" and then will immediately honk his horn at the poor kid.

- also wouldnt be a clean freak like in canonverse. his whole "everything has to be spotless" stuff stems from trauma, specifically being left in an apartment with his decaying mother for weeks on end, but since kuchel is alive that never happens

- were things a little hectic during the time she was sick ? sure ! but kenny always tried to tidy up a bit when he saw it was getting to levi.

- levi just likes things to be neat and tidy, he doesnt do a deep clean of his apartment every two weeks, but always makes sure to clean up his messes as soon as they happen

- also doesnt like to fight

- his mom raised him with the idea that communication is key, and always encouraged him to "explain why hes upset" so they could work together to come up with a solution

- its something hes taken with him to adulthood, and even though sometimes he sounds like hes talking to a child when hes trying to get you to "use your words" he really doesnt mean to

- if youre yelling at him he'll stand there like 😐 and wait until youre out of breath so he can say "okay lets talk about this"

- is also very handy

- have a hole in your wall ? hes coming over to fix it

- need a lightbulb changed ? hes got u dont worry

- you need to assemble a piece of furniture ? he glances at the step by step guide once before hes putting it together

- hes so great at that stuff, and you only have kenny to thank

- literally when kenny first came to stay with levi and kuchel when she was sick, the kitchen light went out and he asked levi to screw another lightbulb in, the poor kid stood there like 🤨 and when kenny said "what ? you don't know how to change a fucking lightbulb ?" levi shook his head and said "uncle kenny im seven 😐"

- kenny was APPALLED. and immediately made it his mission to make levi as handy as himself.

- also, dates with him are rlly lowkey.

- he likes being in your company, so staying home and ordering take out is AWESOME in his opinion. sometimes he'll dress up and make a fancy meal with you.

- if you like going to carnivals and stuff, he's reluctant but eventually caves. wins you a lot of the prizes.

- "fuck. this shit is rigged y/n"

- "sorry levi, lets go do something else !"

- "what ? no. give me another dollar im getting you that fucking turtle"

- hange always wants to see you. levi makes it his life mission to keep you away from them as much as possible. not because he doesnt want you to get along with his friends, just because he knows that hange will spill some embarassing secrets from his college days.

- erwin ? hes okay but hes on thin fucking ice.

- also is very gentlemanly. will not only hold the door for you but for everyone. hes waiting in line for his order and someone comes up behind him and asks him to scootch so they can get some napkins ? mf its grabbing a handful himself and handing it to the person, wishing them a nice day with a small smile. hes just like,, a genuinely good person

- his singing voice ? immaculate. will he sing for you ? no.

- he also loves playing board games with you. like chess or checkers. you love playing board games with him and his friends, specifically monopoly. hange makes moblit form an alliance with them. mike is a lone wolf, and erwin and levi are always helping each other out until erwin betrays him. lots of trust is ruined between these game nights, but you literally cant bring yourself to care because its so fun to watch it unfold

this is my first headcanon thingy !! im v excited !! hope u all enjoyed 🤩✨ should i do more headcanons like these ???

- all in all, levi is a cool guy, and a cool bf.

[iridescentides]

okay. hsmtmts episode 3 thoughts under the cut

YES i always start with gina, and what about it??? i would die for her. anyway im CRYING over how she thought her mom forgot about her like? youve been gone for like 2 months, literally what parent would stop caring that quick? she doesnt think she deserves love like literally most of the time and my heart is ACHING

i came into this episode knowing the chocolates would be a bait and switch bc the preview 100% wanted us to think it was ricky. and yet i still caught myself believing he did it for a second there. i was looking forward to some good rina content this episode and i cant believe i let myself get bamboozled. like the conversation was nice but completely one-sided, and he ignored her to call nini; i get that hes literally in a relationship but im not a huge fan of how he just stopped giving a shit about gina once it wasnt romantic anymore? like,, they couldnt even stay friends?

generally my thing about rina isnt that i think its some big spectacular ship, but moreso that i always go for ships that make my favorite character the happiest. so most of my rina shipping comes from seeing how ricky was the first person that gina was so happy and open with, and how she trusts him even though she trusts literally no one ever and she just self-discloses around him unprompted. the infatuation and crush part on gina’s side is the part i like. but ricky? annoying n flaky as shit

random offshoot but i wouldve loved to see the chocolates come from ej. it wouldnt have made sense just based on the episode we were given, but what if gina and ricky had had that conversation in the hallway and ej overheard them and wanted to do something nice for her since he didnt have a gf to buy stuff for this year? could you IMAGINE? i know im gonna be complaining about how theyre throwing ej away all season but like seriously @ writers we get it youre getting rid of ej in s3. no need to cut him almost completely out of the show in s2. please someone give my man some PLOT im dying

ashlyn telling gina “i wish i could give you a valentine” is simultaneously gay and reeking of straight people nonsense. you can give your friends gifts on valentines day??? i didnt receive a romantic valentines gift until i was 17 years old but i still got stuff from friends every year? umm

speaking of ashlyn i get the track that theyre trying to go on by making it seem groundbreaking that a disney princess role went to someone whos not a size 2 but like. shes still a white woman and im tired. plus theyre dancing around it anyway. if you wanna give her body image issues then just fucking commit. half assing that conversation helps no one.

redlyn was very cute this episode. im still annoyed that theyre getting so much time and focus this season but like. i am a big red stan. the song in the credits was cute too

speaking of, tell me why they literally crammed all the songs at the end of this episode??? i was honestly thinking they wouldnt have any songs this week, thats how long it took

kourtneys beauty and the beast was pretty. also i know theyre gonna make howie her love interest bc clearly if a boy and girl on tv interact for more than 2 seconds it has to turn romantic. im pre-annoyed. 

the ricky/nini plot didnt make a ton of sense bc... why didnt ricky just... hang out with her in the waiting room at the hospital? i am very confused as to why they had to make it so angsty and tropey like. youre literally in the same city and theres an easy solution here

im wondering if theyre gonna try to make miss jenn and mr mazzara a thing? im on the fence about how i feel about that tho. but i am annoyed that they didnt show miss jenns conversation with rickys dad at all

theyre making carlos so annoying this season, like idk whats going on or why they thought they needed to phone it in with his characterization this time around but like. what even was this seblos plot?

kourtney and seb conversations are always cute so i loved the piano scene

back to kourtney for a sec: why would big reds parents hire her as manager? why are they picking inexperienced teenagers for leadership roles? if nothing else, if howie has been around forever, why wouldnt they just promote him to manager??? instead of someone who has no idea how their pizza shop works like. i get that theyre trying to #girlboss kourtney this season, but was getting a job not enough growth and independence?

overall my biggest Gripe™ with this episode is that there wasnt enough gina or ej. and i get that its a big cast and not everyone can be the focus every time but literally when did redlyn become such a big priority to the writers? why are they getting so much screentime? i dont hate them or anything but like, i thought the main main characters were supposed to be nini, ricky, gina, and ej. so why is one of them getting like,, two lines per episode? im really out here picking up little ej crumbs like they wasted SO much potential with him as a character

[ao3gingerswag]

Dean’s lost a lot of his go-to answers for solving problems. Having sex and getting hit used to solve everything. Sam’s getting hit? Dean just makes John hit him. John’s in debt? Dean can pay it off by having sex. Dean made a mistake? He can make it up to John by being hit and having sex.

So now, when Dean if faced with new problems, his first thought tends to be having sex or being beat to fix it, but those aren’t options anymore. So slowly over time, he builds up other skills. He can talk his way out of problems, he can earn extra money for the inn by learning to make more specialty foods, he can invest money in a new tool to make a chore easier. It takes time, but he learns to be much more flexible in his problem solving and when he comes up with creative solutions, Cas is impressed and calls Dean smart and Dean eventually starts internalizing the idea that he is competent and can able to solve new problems as they arise

Ace

;~; yeah ;~; one day not too long after the end of the outside cas is really stressed about money (maybe bc of the loss they took from shutting down for the weeks he was off looking for dean) and dean like Knows hes Not Allowed To Whore Anymore but he like literally thinks that the only way to solve money problems its what he’s always done and he’s fucked enough in the head that he still doesnt really understand why he isn’t allowed (not that he’s complaining, usually, but right now he wants to solve cas’s problem/stress more than he wants to keep himself safe ;~;) so he risks bringing it up again. and ofc cas is like Absolutely Not and dean like genuinely doesnt understand he like even slightly argues for once hes like!!! i dont understand! i can solve this problem i can fix this!! its not pleasant but ill live and then u will be happy bc u wont be stressed!!!! and cas is like NO!!! ur can’t just hurt yourself to solve other people’s problems!!! and dean is like ;~; ??? because that’s always what he’s done :(

oooh a like draft of a story idea is coming like what if dean goes behind cas’s back bc cas doesnt have a different way to solve the problem of needing more money. so he starts by trying to seduce the grumpy dude in the corner whos there like twice a week bc hes like well maybe that guy could be a regular. do u guys think that works? lol no that grumpy guy is Bobby!!! and bobby is like 

and hes like wtf are u doing. whats going on whats wrong with u. is someone putting u up to this. and dean is like :( no :( and bobbys like ok then whats all this then. and dean ends up telling bobby all about the stress they r under and how they dont have enough money and how cas wont let him help and he doesnt know what to do just like spills everything bc bobby has that effect on people. and bobby is like ok well get ur head on straight calm down its gonna be ok u absolute infant i can give yall a lone. and he does and thats how dean learns that a very good way to solve problems besides having sex or getting beat is asking for help ;~; 

(also obviously bobby never collects on that “loan”)

[khristinewriteandcapture]

Series Reviews (2020)

23. It's Okay To Not Be Okay

Are you okay? 

How many times did you answered this question truthfully? 

When something happened to us and people tend to get worried, they always asked this question and because we dont want them to keep worrying, I think we always say the wrong answer because its part of being human.

Saying you're okay even if your not has been the problem of people not only today but even years ago. We say okay even if we're hurt physically, mentally or emotionally. Maybe to avoid being pitied, being a burden to others or we just want to look stronger. 

But that's exactly the problem of being human. We say things we dont mean. We always say the complete opposite of what we really mean specially in the moment when someone might also be hurt with to our response.

But it's okay. 

It's okay to not be okay. 

I've watched many movies and series saying that it's not embarrasing to say what you actually feel inside. I'm also currently watching a series about depression and how it can lead to death. And this kinds of series are trying to tells us that taking your own life is not the solution to every problem you kept facing on your own.

It's okay. Everything will be okay. It's nice to hear words like that right specially if it's spoken by someone close to us, right?

This korean drama doesnt only have the best actor to play the part of the main cast but also, they also made the characters connect with the viewers. Every single characters. From the main lead to the last supporting character. No one was a display. Everyone contributed and I think that's what makes a great story.

I think this has been the most meaningful Korean drama I had ever watched, next to Reply 1988 and Itaewon Class. It made me cried every episode. And it clearly deserved the praises it gets every day. 

The whole story was also refreshing because of the fairytales involved in every episodes. The mixture of a story to another story was a great idea of creating a new and unique one, I guess. 

As I said that everyone contributed to the story, I would like to share my thought on each and everyone of them. And I think, this is going to be longer than Itaewon Class or Reply 1988. 

Everyone has their stories to tell and this drama really told everybody's story. I would like to tell everyone's story here but I think, that is too much spoiler. So, I'll just give you what's unique and special about the main cast and some supporting characters.

1. Jae-Su. The ever loyal friend of Gang-Tae. He's like the best best friend anyone dreamed of having. I mean, with his business, you can have free chicken or pizza anytime. But I'm still curious how rich he is. Every time the brothers move, he also moved with them and open and close a business again and again. He felt sometimes felt tired but he never complained because he liked being with them. Following them was not an issue for Jae-su. He can follow them even at the end of the Earth. Because they're family and not blood of surname can keep them from being one. 

He's a very loyal and trustworthy friend. I cant believe he actually followed them for ten years of his life. Maybe that's the result of being too attached. You cant never seem to let go and even if you can, you wont.

2. Mr. Lee Sang-In, the business minded CEO of the publishing company, Ko Mun-yeong worked at but as time passed, he turned out to be a thoughtful and caring person. 

He also stick together with Ko Mun-yeong through the years. He have a kind heart which was buried in his business like stance who only cared about money in the beginning. He was also dependable and always thinks about others even if he doesn't want to. And he looked better without a beard. 

3. After the CEO, let's move over to Seung-Jae which happened to be the most in demand actress I've seen in almost 3 dramas already this year. 

First was in While You Were Sleeping (I think), then in Backstreet Rookie and then here. Anyway, her character her was slow in her work but quick witted when it comes everything not related to work. She's adorably dumb and you'll get to laugh a lot with her and Lee Sang-in's combo. 

She might hate her boss but she doesn't also want him or Ko Mun-yeong to suffer. And also, she don't have anywhere to go to that's why she stick with them. 

4. So, next is Nam Ju-ri. I hate her. 

Wait, let me repeat that. I hated her. Yep. And you'll know why if you watch this or if you had, I'm right, right? 

But, all is well. Maybe because she just want her feelings to be reciprocated. She's actually really nice despite of wanting to be not. She just wanted to lean on someone other than her mother. She's lonely. She worked taking care of others and she just wanted someone to take care of her too. We all wanted that right. 

5. Let's not forget the mother of all, Kang Soon-duk.

She had appeared in a lot of dramas. She would be this rich mother who don't want her soon to like a poor girl, the mother from a simple family who often beat her child out of love, the cool mom where everyone would dreamed of. She had been named as ‘the ultimate eommoni/mother’. 

She was effective. But anyway, her character here is the mother of not only one child but the mother of everyone in the drama. She takes care of the three lead, her daughter, her tenant and everyone in the hospital. It was tiring for someone like her but also magical because she was able to do it. 

6. Director Oh has been a great part of the whole drama.

Even though he looked and sounded like a not effective doctor sometimes, everything he says made sense. He often look foolish but he's the smartest fool in the hospital. 

After the supporting has been called for, let's move to the three musketeers–I mean, the three main cast. The emotionless princess, the masked boy and the boy trapped in the box or simple Ko Mun-yeong, Moon Gang Tae and Moon Sang Tae.

Three lonely people brought together to became whole. Who said two is better than one. Make it three for more fun. 

It was chaotic. That's the description for the three. A crazy girl, a calm but explosive guy and an adult but living in a kid's personality.

Watching this drama felt like you're about to go crazy too. After crying in an intense scene, you'll catch yourself laughing after and serious the next minute. I mean, every Korean drama does that. That's why everyone has the k-drama virus. Everyone is crazy now.

Anyway, Sang-Tae or the boy in the trapped box. 

He's a special trait that makes him different from others. He tend to think as a child sometimes but he's also talented and smart. He might act like a kid but you'll also be surprised of how he can be an adult. 

He loved his brother so much but also hates him to which is natural for brother right? 

He happened to have a severe trauma which add to the burden of his brother but as the brave brother he is, he wanted to overcome it and be the adult he really is. His characters was really inspiring and heartwarming. His presence gives off a ray of sunshine. I admire the actor who played him because he played it well. I hope if he will ever get an award for it. I really hope he will. 

After the boy trapped in the box, let's talk about the Emotionless Princess whose not really emotionless but full of emotions and craziness.

Ko Mu-yeong's characters gave the drama full of craziness and funny sides. Her adult lines and provoking scenes are the best. She totally likes provoking Gang-tae and even though it's all scripted, it was so funny that it can be remembered all the time. Some scene had become memes now. 

Ko Mun-yeong's characters was tough and powerful but behind that, she's still a girl whose scared and defenseless when no one's watching. She found sanctuary and safety when she met Gang-tae. For the first time, she wanted to be taken care of after all the years of not feeling anything. 

She's lonely and constantly in pain from the past. She's still the little girl stuck in the castle waiting for someone to rescue her. 

And lastly, Moon Gang-tae, our masked boy. 

I think he's the complete opposite of Peter Pan. He needed to grew up faster than anyone to take care of his brother. He didn't had time to be a kid or to enjoy his youth because of the only family he have. 

He cursed the life he had until finally he understand and accepted the reason why he had to have this family. It maybe crazy and a handful, it's still worth fighting for. 

All he wanted was everyone to be safe with his care and even set aside his own dreams for it. He regretted not doing his dreams but he's contented with everything he had at the moment and that's all that matters. 

Life might throw stones at you from time to time to test if your strong enough to conquer it not to avoid it. 

And if something doesn't feel right, don't be afraid to talk about it. You'll be surprise of the result once you let it all out. Never be afraid to let people in and also let them go. The end might also be the start of a new beginning.

Seriously, watch this. It's a must! Maybe 10 years from now, people will look back how great this drama was and even though 2020 was the worst year of all, this was made in that year. It will be part of history.

[believesinsteven]

I see alot of people hating on Steven this season. Saying;

he's always trying to fix everyone

that he hides his own feelings

wants to leave the past behind

not actually caring for people.

But like, I totally understand where Steven is coming from. He wants to fix everyone because he knows that if he doesnt, its just going to be dumped on him eventually until hes forced to fix it. He hides his own feelings because no one really cares about how he feels. Like when has anyone asked if Steven was okay with whats happening? Like when Peridot got upset because Lapis was leaving and she wasnt able to share her feelings, she just dumped it on Steven asking for help. (now obviously, Steven wants to help, but that doesnt mean his feelings aren't valid) Or when Garnet and Pearl fought because Pearl was rebuilding the communication hub, Steven felt like it was his fault (for some reason, poor boy)

He felt like he had to fix the problem becuase he knew that it wouldnt be solved unless someone tried. And if you havent noticed, the crystal gems aren't really there for "trying", atleast for the mental/emotional state (ex: Amethyst thinking Pearl hates her until they resolve it literally 40 ep into the show, which technically would be 6,000 years of Amethyst thinking Pearl hates her)

And of course he wants to leave the past behind because shit always happens when he brought stuff up. Like when he wanted to know why there was a gem (Lapis) in the back of a mirror, every crystal gem tried to brush off the subject or always changed the topic. Saying "the past is in the past". Or like that time when Pearl got upset at the fact that Steven had Roses scabbard and had a lion. She ran off and no one even tried to see if she was okay (another reason for not trying emotionally/mentally) but yet again, Steven comes to the rescue, even while he is upset because Pearl yellled at him.

And saying that he doesnt care for anyone really gets me because all he does is care for people. Yeah, it may not be in the right way, but he still cares for them. And when he realizes that when it wasnt a good thing to do (ex: going to space and scaring Connie) he apologizes and realizes his mistake. It my not seem like he cares in Steven Universe Future, forcing people to do things they didn't want, but all he wanted was for people to explore life and not just do what they were literally made for. (ex: a game designer who plays video games as a hobby but friend tries to get them to explore other things)

So, all in all, there are problem. But those problems always have a reasoning a solution to them. (i mean, yall never complained before but ok i guess)

[temporarypresidentoftheearth]

Chess, technocratic Octopus (crimes against humanity in EU/USA/others)

Dear European Union and the Humanity as whole, this text also directed to members of the organization i call Octopus.

The core of this organization consists of members who are very intelligent, primarily researchers and doctors but also others, and they invented a plan in the form of a corona / covid and began to expand with such good intentions under the pretext of saving the Earth from ecological disaster. This action has certainly pleased a few people who are watching climate changes and have noticed that there has been a significant reduction in smog, but since it has been going on for more than a year and they also uses creation of artificial fear, it is time to show the truth and point humanity in the right direction. It's been a year since the Corona story was made, and instead of acknowledging the need to significantly reduce CO2 and other greenhouse gas emissions and introduce normal rules, the organization is still working undercover, and I believe it's because of the crimes against the humanity that core of that organisations made.

I think that either the octopus has spread, or some kind of planetary movement of people has emerged that has different moral rules and values and they see that things have started to move, but in the wrong direction. I noticed a significant increase in interest in my person, whether through secret services (in the form of spyware and MITM attacks, my specialisation is IT and also IT security) but also through articles in the media indirectly referring to my person. It took me a while to decipher it all by deducing thinking and researching.

When my wife was sent with wrong healing fracture of feet to examination called by name gammametry of the skeleton, i was very interested about it and i started to study this examination technique the day before examination. Atomic weapons, isotopes, radioactivity and the like are things that fascinate me and i like to study about them. You can call me a researcher in multiple scientific fields. I feared about the increased amount of gamma radiation because i know how harmful it is. After studying available materials, i find out that a person gains a dose of gamma radiation of more than about a year of normal life, so we canceled it. And we did well, because the available materials have been deceptive.

In my head this type of examination remained to resonate and i returned to study it and found, that it is much more dangerous than it looks and when the so-called radiopharmaceuticals are injected in the bloodstream they use isotopes which in addition to gamma radiation, emit beta radiation in the form of electrons during decay and cause a very unpleasant way of dying. Person who undergoes the examination does not die immediately but his health gradually deteriorates and can die with a heart attack or get cancer or other health complications.

The examination itself takes a long time, about a half day until a pacient pee much of the the radiopharmaceutical and although he is no longer irradiating surroundings, the organs and cells, especially DNA are damaged to extend he cannot be saved. This medical specialization under names nuclear medicine, scintigraphy or gammagraphy is used for crime and must be immediately stopped, authorities need to immediately take action, seize the evidence and create commissions to investigate. It is also needed to stop facilities called cyclotrons or synchrotrons, i will get to them later.

As a major indirect evidence i present:

- Asolutely no existence of research on the non-harmless use of radiopharmaceuticals on animals or people in the long term, i have failed to find anything on the matter subject. I would like to remind you of the incident that took place in Chernobyl when radioactive material (isotopes), get into air. Although it was other elementary particles, it doesnt matter at all. When estimates of how many people died of cancer after the Chernobyl incident, it was estimated at 200,000 to 300,000. Those people inhaled radioactive particles that were in the air and entered their bloodstream through their lungs, similar to smokers' nicotine or other harmful substances from cars. Now imagine that you get it directly through an injection into the bloodstream.

- False information about physics of isotopes of elementary particles on Wikipedia and other sites, i suspect that they change the facts about isotopes of elementary particles and for example so-called Technitium-99m used with half life of 6 hours used in some examinations does not exist. Because there is not a lot of experts on the subject, other people accepts it as the truth. Also the so-called Internal conversion, which is a method of converting atomic nuclei without emitting beta radiation when they decay into lower elements. The organization changed the history of science and abuses the complexity of the topic as covering. I suppose that their claws are so long that you can also find false information the high school scripts as well.

If I am wrong at this one point and if the meta state of the isotopes also exists, some of these substances will still bind to the tissues and still remain in the body, causing heavy metal damage.  It is necessary to use correct dosimeters to check what type of radiation is emitted by radiopharmaceuticals, gamma and beta and to distinguish the percentage, this can also confirm the type of isotopes contained in the radiopharmaceutical and there is need to use other techniques to identify the atoms themselves such as spectroscopy and the like.

- On the https://reddit.com/r/nuclearmedicine forum there is indirect evidence in the form of a complaint from one of the employees in America that complains about the congestion at work and the increase of people who come to test, the post on forum is month old. So yes, a few criminals alredy stared murdering more people.

- On the same forum it is debated why nuclear medicine and classical RTG and CT are separated as medicinal fields, RTG and CT use as x-ray/gamma external source and that is very very big difference. Also person asking for advice get recommendations to employ in a classic radio instead nuclear med. People who work in nuclear medicine prefer to send that person else for moral reasons.

Because nuclear medicine is operated almost everywhere in the world but primarily in western democracy countries, I dare suppose this organisation is at planetary scale and created story of Corona and also I dare suppose there are other iniquities that needs to be stopped.

I infer that the momentary management of this organization is technocracy, the only one could commit abuse of scientific research on such terrible things. And it also uses the technique of artificial creation of fear, it is obvious because it has such practices and equipment.

Solution proposals: For a moment i will play a role of the President of the Earth and I am giving you these recommendations.

Police investigators - INVESTIGATION: It is important to get the list of all patients examined with injected or drinked radiopharmaceuticals. It is need to be verified how long they lived after the examination or if they are still alive how much their health detoriorate. This also relates to other examinations where radiopharmaceuticals are injected into a blood circulation or drink, e.g. PET Scan, which can be done in other hospitals. PET itself is an abbreviation for POSITRON Emission Tomography, which is also cover name of use of hazardous beta radiation using isotopes injected directly into the bloodstream.

Involved will probably be some specialized doctors. It is necessary to identify them and interogatte them about this practice, if they know about it and identify if they used it and if yes, if they get the order from other octopus members or if they sent patients there on their behalf. Its important to distinguish if they used it because of fear of their families, or for money/fun or other reasons.

Ordinary people: I propose to all citizens to make peaceful civil disobedience and ignore the vaccination against Corona until the vaccines will be independently verified and molecular structures of they contents published. Be aware that these bad people can have plan to use some harmful substances in different batches of same vaccine. Authorities need to be aware of this. Also please dont go outside to make mess down the streets, it's the last thing we need. We need police officers, special units and army support to go after the bad guys. I urge that use of other existing vaccines, especially the vaccination of children need to be accepted and trusted. Antivaxx movement is wrong. Corona is really an exception. I also propose to ignore multinational pharmaceutical companies that use Corona to increase profits because for the vaccines they create, countries must pay, these are our money used from taxes. We'll take them down, believe.

Within the EU states: Police and special deployment units in the case of a nuclear dissaster (just pick up quality dosimeters): immediately send units into any cyclotron or synchrotron facilities. It is important to deploy enough people and you need to check all companies, clinics and warehouses around. Isotopes for "convicted" patients are produced in these facilities. It is necessary to use independent checking specialists who are on our side and I am not sure who can you trust. You also need to check where are radiopharmaceuticals from these facilities sent. Clinics can be located anywhere else in your country. Isotopes have short half life, so they are created non-stop and transported periodically. Cooperation at European level is required.

Governments of european countries and also others, it is clear to me that there are secret agreements around the existence of the cyclotron/synchrotron facilities to ensure the inviolability of these facilities, similar to embassies, do not try to cover up this problem. I ask you on behalf of humanity to immediately declassify these documents and other information with whom the agreements were signed and which lobby groups are behind it. If you refuse or hesitate for a long time, you will be judged in the future for helping crimes against humanity.

I also want to warn the authorities that the current vaccines that are already in your country may be harmless, but the Octopus plan can be that harmful substances will be added in other batches later. Therefore, it is necessary to introduce persistent monitoring of these vaccines by someone other than the pharmaceutical companies themselves. At the same time, I am asking for a complete identification of substances at the level of conventional medicines, like ibuprofen on wikipedia e.g. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ibuprofen Where you can see the molecular structure of ibuprofen as well as the various chemical identifiers used to identify chemicals.

I want to draw your attention to the fact that the octopus management is aware that it can't feed this PR for a long time and will have to revive the corona in some way to really start dying a lot of people, I believe they can do it with those vaccines, but so far i think they testing society how much it can handle and to get more money. Until I see the crowded cemeteries, I think we are still on the edge when we can intervene, action is needed immediately.

I would also like to point out a fact, that the source material used in cyclotron and synchrotron facilities must be at first prepared in special reactors. From internet sources it is for europe mainly research reactor Petten in Netherlands. Material is periodically sent from there to individual cyclo/synchrotron facilities in european countries. Then it is processed there to create individual isotopes and also prepared as radiopharmaceuticals. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petten_nuclear_reactor And dear EU government, EU council, and all you ladies and gentlemans in Brussel or other cities. The reactor is property of European Comission, be aware. And from wikipedia it is operated by Nuclear Research and Consultancy Group. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuclear_Research_and_Consultancy_Group

Some surprised new members of Octopus: Stop being afraid and start writing and talking about it, threads need to be unraveled.

Media: You have my permission to disclose this text in the original version (without correcture). If you are connected to octopus, i propose you to ignore any other commands from octopus and you should stop writing anything about Corona as a protest and concentrate on this issue.

This organization lack moral values as justice, truth and honor. I live in the European Union and the United Nations for which I believe are these moral values important and I was trusting them, but now I was disappointed in Western democracy, it is important to return to these moral values.

When I find out the truth a few days ago I was in shock and I had very sad instead of cheerful Christmas. If humanity wants to handle the ecological crisis I propose a return of justice, more opennes, truth, humor and not artificial creation of fear of bad virus that does not even exist. Increasing the differences between the first percentages of the richest and the others is inadmissible.

The fact that CO2 emissions have been reduced thanks to Corona is praise, but these crimes against humanity must be punished.

I propose members of the organization, if it will remain, to change their internal political system to sophocracy, the technocracy is clearly unattuded. But I also refuse and I do not show interest in any way to join, work for you or make any decisions.

CORE OF OCTOPUS: Since it reminds me of the chess game, I already has been thinking about your next step. You will try to take over of messages in the media with some unfairness type like terrorist attack and creating another fear. I have a horrical ideas about reappearing abuse of atomic or biological research and detonation of atomic bomb in some EU state or elsewhere in the world that fits some terrorist organization. I ask you from dropping from such an intention. Give up voluntarily, it will be in your favor.

I ask other multinational corporations to confirm they are on our side and condemnation of these practices. The fact that withdrawals from the ATM are already limited to +-200 euros indicates to me the sad things dear financial corporations.

I propose that scientists and doctors who knew about the existence of nuclear medicine and about what it serves, but they were afraid of fear of talking about it, publicly stepped out, apologized and said they were sorry. As a society we need such people, so it is important that they should not be afraid to talk about such practices. Scientists and doctors who knew what nuclear medicine is used for and send people to such examinations need to be judged.

I also want to ask investigative journalists about proper documenting and investigative work. There are multiple types of nuc med examinations. For example, heart examination has the highest dose of radiation, I think that with this one patient dies on a heart attack within a few days or hours. For gammametry of skeleton i estimate a few months to death on leukemia or other type of death/cancer.

Thank you for your attention.

P.S. The actions that you as people will do in the coming months and years will evaluate not only your children or grandchildren. I dare to philosophize. Overgrowing and ecological problem on the planet afflict every developed civilization that missed the space colonization, it is important how we approach the problem. If there is any advenced civilisation outside, or if there are more of them and there is some community, know that our actions and form of society we build will be also evaluated by them. But do not beleive and do not hope that they will help us. Believe only in yourself.

And in case society refuses to correct these crimes, I refuse to help current society, be it research, some ideas or something else.

S.

[anoceaninthesun]

Founders Home Improvement AU

aka what happens when I watch too much HGTV. Purely humorous head-canons. I was too lazy to put this into fic format but maybe later I will. @shineejeya you made a comment on ASIT a while back about Hashirama’s renovation of Sakura’s house and it seriously inspired this. lmao

The Senju Brothers and Uchiha Brothers both star in a home renovation show. Each episode the sibling teams compete to reno two houses on the same block and see which house the judge(s) deem the winner.

Hashirama jokes often that they’re the Reno Twins, despite them not being the same age at all. Tobirama complains (every other take) about this, because he doesn’t want people thinking he shared the womb with That™️ at the same time. The idiot sauce in there didn’t rub off.

Hashirama really loves his job. Home decor and beautiful, homey Aesthetics™️ are his thing. Sadly, budgeting is not. Which is why he has his more frugal brother Tobirama as a partner. He’s very good at talking his brother down from overspending on the design elements alone without consideration for how that effects construction. When all else fails he silently allows Hashirama to do his own thing. Then returns half the “unnecessary” things he bought that puts them over-budget. The client doesnt need that indoor garden. The cap off on plants in the home is no more than five total.

On reveal day it’s a surprise not only to the clients but poor Hashirama as well, because Tobirama has gone behind him and changed things again.

Izuna and Madara’s projects are no less chaotic. In fact, no matter what the client really wants in the home, Madara’s solution is demolition, demolition, demolition. He’s that guy all reno shows have that go for the sledge hammer first and regret it never. You get an open concept, and you get an open concept and that wall is getting knocked the fuck down. Structural walls, what are those? Needless to say, Izuna has his hands full making sure there’s still a house standing for the clients to come home to.

In spite of his....questionable tendencies to swing a sledge hammer at every perceived problem, Madara is the go to guy on their sites when it’s time to outfit the house with art that fits the clients’ tastes. A snooty bitch like him only wants the best.

The two teams often engage in prank wars, going as far as attempting sabotage each other. It’s really more like Madara and Hashirama’s thing. But their brothers get dragged into it too. Nobody can resist a little payback after all. The Uchiha bros ordered extra materials and they arrived at their rivals’ site? 🤔 The Senju bros bought koi to put in the pond they built the clients and came back the next day to find a bunch of baby fresh water alligators chilling there instead? 😱

Sometimes Madara just goes over there and waltzes in, talking smack. Knowing he can’t stop his brother from meddling, Izuna at least makes him leave his favorite hammer behind. They still can’t prove that one unfinished wall that collapsed wasn’t faulty construction.

Somehow, some way....Madara will lose his shirt before the episode ends. At first it was because he was always getting debris from all the wall busting over his shirt. Then from pranks that soiled his clothes, now it’s just His Thing™️ and certain thirsty fans lean in a little closer in anticipation. The network is used to getting complaints from frustrated husbands.

Tobirama can’t be trusted painting. He ODs on neutral colors. Only three colors really exist to him. White, gray, and gray-blue. Hashirama has to intercede a lot so it balances out Tobirama returning his overpriced purchases.

Let’s be real....Tobirama and Izuna are the truly productive ones that keep things moving according to schedule. Without them neither team would finish a single house and the show would be cancelled. Madara and Hashirama are brilliant renovators but god do their eccentricities hold shit up. Luckily for them the viewers like their dynamics enough for the ratings to stay pretty good.

[anxietysroomsupport]

This is mostly a rant, sorry. Everytime my mom's boyfriend comes over, the house has a strong smell of marijuana and it's so gross. Idc that they smoke but sometimes it's so strong when I walk out of my room it makes me wanna gag and it sometimes leaks into my room through the vent and I just hate it. He also never cleans up after himself (1/2)

(2/2) I'm the one who does all of the cleaning bc I get paid every sunday $25 but still. I just cleaned the kitchen today and now theres a bunch of trash scattered on the counter and he literally just got here an hour ago. I cant really do anything about it bc I'm sure my mom cares that this stuff bothers me but she wont do anything about it. I've complained before about the smell but she doesnt do anything about it even if she listens. Idk it's just very annoying and I just wanted to rant a bit

Hi Anon,

Rant away.  That guy needs to get it together and stop letting his girlfriend’s family clean up after him.  It’s ridiculous.  

Since making your complaints known hasn’t done anything, trying offering up some solutions they could help you with.  Like using an air purifier or setting out vinegar to manage the smell, or asking him to pick up some trash bags next time he’s out (since he’s making so much of it). Sometimes you have to lead people by the hand before they will step up.

-Miss Fay

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!