#and he's physically incapable of doing so because he keeps laughing

[birlwrites]

what's your opinion on regulus/lily? i love them, but i honestly don't like the fics because they often make snape not a bad person, but i digress. i tend to read the fanfic because if you don't get pro-snape things, you don't get anything at all with that ship.

(or, what about, for fun, regulus/lily/evan)

i think regulus/lily can be very cool, AS LONG AS it doesn't turn into 'dramione but make it marauders.' (this is actually a caveat i have with a lot of marauders' era ships - that the potential is there, but the dynamic is often just like it is in a popular golden trio era ship. i'm down for a LOT of ships as long as the characters and dynamics don't feel recycled)

i think if i were to write a regulus/lily fic, it would probably be grounded in the war, because i feel like they need very high stakes to really push them together (see ttdl LMAO) - unless they're in the same house or year or something like that where they naturally run across each other a lot

like (and this is just off the top of my head - if someone wants to take this premise and run with it, go ahead! i already have far too many wips afjlshgskdf), this would be my go-to:

due to various scheduling issues, regulus and lily are assigned to do prefect rounds together (a combination that would normally NEVER fly because they try not to put muggleborns and People With Close Personal Ties To Death Eaters on patrol together)

lily goes into it hackles up, in the direct wake of sirius's disownment, expecting the worst from regulus black

regulus goes into it mildly curious about this lily evans who he has only ever heard about in the context of a) snape or b) potter, but honestly he's preoccupied with Sirius Angst and Family Pressure Angst and lots of things like that

slow burn the fuck out of it. regulus will probably be the one who has to actually break the ice because just b/c lily is no longer expecting him to blow up at her for blood purity reasons it doesn't mean she expects him to be worth befriending

bond over being younger siblings with very complicated relationships with their older siblings

become close friends (and here you get the joys of the secret relationship trope before a romantic relationship even develops, because War and also Sirius)

(side note - much character work for sirius would be necessary to make sure he's not just Regulus's Shouty Dramatic Brother)

and then i don't know where it would go from there but i do really like the idea of them working together in the war. either as an 'they're on their own side' thing or as a 'infiltrated both sides, using them for their own agenda' thing. like let them have a safehouse that lily has stocked with hand grenades, that's my vision

regulus/lily/evan would be A HOT MESS (in a fun way afjslghskdjf i just mean i'm laughing thinking about it) - triple the complicated relationships with older siblings. evan 'flirting is my middle name' rosier vs regulus 'pine until i either have to confess my undying love or fake my death' black vs lily 'historically people have just fallen all over themselves to ask me out and i don't actually know how to demonstrate interest in someone' evans. lots of lighthearted bickering. lily introducing regulus and evan to modern muggle technological marvels (disco ball). they have 'study dates' which are actually just lily and regulus studying and evan being distracting. they have a black and white cat named oreo (evan thinks this is the most original cat name ever). regulus is tormented constantly by lily and evan attempting to invent new household charms whenever the mood strikes. he and oreo often retreat to the library (spare bedroom full of books and one (1) disco ball) for safety. lily has a secret diary in which she keeps track of Definitely Totally Very Real Muggle Inventions that regulus and evan don't know she lied about yet. they have GREAT photo albums

[brokenmenswhore]

hate | remus lupin

pairing: remus lupin x fem!reader

summary: hate sex kink :)

warnings: smut (MDNI 18+), sexual harassment (he flips her skirt up, nonconsensual), remus is mean

────── ☾ ──────

“You know I can’t go to a Gryffindor anything,” you pleaded, trying to get your best friend to stop pushing you into attending the party.

“There will be a ton of people there! Remus won’t even notice you,” she bargained.

You sighed. “I’m really, really not in the mood for his shit tonight,” you started, closing your books and cleaning up your schoolwork, “If I agree to go, I’m making it your responsibility to keep him away from me all night.”

Your best friend squealed and jumped up, hugging you in excitement.

You and Remus Lupin never got along. In first year, he and his friends would mercilessly tease you about the length of your hair. You were young, and you ignored it, but he always found a reason to tease you. In fifth year, his best friend Sirius began to taunt you, nonstop asking you about how sexually experienced you were and how Remus could help you. In sixth year, Remus became mean. He would throw your stuff around, spread rumors, turn people against you, and more. He became ruthlessly mean and you did everything you could do to avoid being anywhere near him. You even pleaded with professors to switch your classes if he was in them.

Your friends constantly teased you about him, claiming he was into you, but you never paid much attention to it. Sure, he was hot, but so were his friends, and that didn’t overshadow the fact that they were horrible.

You hated him. You physically recoiled at the sight of him. In private, sometimes your hand would find its way in between your legs, and you would think of Remus and some of the ways he would touch your hair or pinch your skin, but everywhere apart from the privacy of your bed, you loathed him.

The moment you stepped into the Gryffindor common room, you scanned the room for Remus, not spotting him or his usual crowd of Sirius, James, and Peter. You felt relieved, allowing yourself to relax a bit.

You grabbed a pumpkin juice, sitting on the common room couch. Your dress was shorter than you were used to, and sitting down almost exposed you in it, so you crossed your legs to protect your modesty.

“Who the fuck let you out of the house in that?” Remus said, plopping down next to you.

“Who the fuck let you out of the house at all?” you retorted, leaning forward to stand up. You were not in the mood for him.

Remus grabbed the bottom of your dress as you stood, trying to pull you back down. You swatted at his hand, half-standing. “Let go of my dress, Remus.”

“Oops,” Remus said, flipping the skirt up and briefly exposing your backside.

You instinctively quickly pushed your dress back down, turning your ass away from Remus. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” you asked, trying to keep your cool.

“Just wanted a peek,” Remus laughed.

“You’re sick,” you said, starting to walk away from the couch.

Remus stood up when you began walking away, following you around the room. You noticed, trying to weave your way around the mass of bodies to lose him, but he was too quick for you.

You ducked out of the common room, sneaking down a corridor and deciding this wasn’t worth it. Going back to your common room would be the only thing to give you solace, because Remus was incapable of leaving you alone, ever. The second he saw you, he had to torment and tease you until you found a way out of his sight. You were going to kill your best friend, how did she let him sit down right next to you?

“Walk any faster and you’re gonna fall in those heels,” he spoke from behind you.

You stopped short in the darkened corridor. You were sick of this. It was time to stop.

“What’s your problem, Remus?” you snapped.

“You’re my problem,” he answered, “I thought you were at least smart enough to put that together?”

You sighed. “You’ve been bullying me for seven years Remus. Seven years. Based on what? What did I ever do to you? Huh?”

“You do things like walking around in those stupid little short dresses,” he replied, completely unbothered.

“What the fuck does that even mean?” you spat back, trying your hardest to keep your voice quiet and avoid getting caught.

“Sheesh, language,” Remus scolded.

“Remus,” you said, taking a deep breath and evening out your tone, “you’ve been abusing me since we were like eleven. Why can’t you just get sick of me already?”

Remus moved closer to you, invading your personal space. He began to twirl a tendril of your hair in his fingers. “I enjoy you too much.”

You threw your hands up. “Why do I even try-“

Remus clasped a hand over your mouth. “Shut up.”

You protested from under his hand, trying to pull his hand away.

“Shut up, someone’s coming.”

You froze, immediately giving in to Remus’s efforts to quiet you down. Footsteps were approaching, and Remus pulled you into a nearby broom closet to avoid any potential run-ins. The closet was small, and you were too close to Remus for comfort. When Remus stopped hearing footsteps, he uncovered your mouth.

“You’re welcome,” he smiled.

“Don’t ever touch me again,” you warned, “I’m so sick of you.”

“Sick of me, are you? And you don’t think I have my reasons for treating you the way I do?”

Your eyes widened. “So why don’t you just tell me what those reasons are? Let me fix them so you can get out of my life.”

“I just really, really, hate you,” Remus spat, your faces too close.

“Oh, I guarantee I hate you more,” you responded.

You and Remus stared at each other for a moment, both worked up, before he pressed you against the wall, kissing you roughly. Your first instinct was to push him off and fight, but it felt too good, and you found yourself kissing him back.

The kiss was anything but intimate, full of pure hunger, lust, and hatred.

Remus quickly began to kiss down your jawline and on your neck, sucking a sweet spot right below your earlobe. You whined, the sound escaping your lips before you even knew it was coming.

His hand traveled downward, slightly lifting your dress as his fingers played with the waistband of your underwear. He stopped kissing your neck for a moment, searching your eyes for approval.

You nodded your head slightly to prompt him to continue, and he immediately dipped his fingers into your underwear, roughly rubbing circles on your clit.

You tried to control your moans, not wanting to get caught, but also not wanting to allow Remus the satisfaction. He noticed, and it only made him rougher.

Without warning, he shoved two long fingers inside of you. You let out another whine, your head thrown back against the wall, allowing Remus access to your neck again. He sucked and bit at the skin, marking you as his fingers fucked in and out of you.

“I hate this dress,” he sighed, increasing the pace of his fingers and curling them inside of you, “I hate how you always know better than me, I hate how you always blush when James talks to you, I hate your stupid superiority complex, and I hate hate hate Meadowes for kissing you in the greenhouse in fourth year.”

He said all of this without letting up, continuing his assault on your cunt. When he felt you begin to squeeze his fingers, he pulled them out of you, sucking your juices off of them before hoisting one of your legs up to his waist.

“I fucking hate the way you taste,” he added, dropping his pants and lining up his cock with your hole as fast as possible.

He slammed his entire length into you at once, causing you to moan out at the intrusion. He begin to thrust into you immediately, not giving you time to adjust to his size. He held your leg around his waist, allowing him easier access to ruthlessly pound into your cunt.

You wanted to respond, to make it clear that you truly loathed him, but all words escaped you as he fucked you against the broom closet door, his face buried in your neck as your body rocked against the wood.

He was becoming feral. He spoke with each thrust, “I. Fucking. Hate. You.”

Tears began to fall from your eyes at the intensity. He was fucking you harder than you ever thought possible. His cock was nearly splitting you open, the length and power combined reaching spots in your cervix you didn’t think possible.

“Rem-“ you whined, beginning to squeeze around his cock.

A hand wrapped around your throat as his eyes finally met yours. “I hate how fucking pretty that sounds coming from you,” he growled, placing another desperate kiss on your lips.

You were whimpering and crying, Remus taking full control of your body. “Rem, please-“

“Tell me what you think of me,” he demanded.

“Rem, I can’t-“

“Tell. Me.”

You tried to keep your eyes open, your face level with his. “I loathe you,” you breathed out, adrenaline taking over, “I absolutely f-fucking hate you.”

With that, Remus brutally lifted your other leg, wrapping it around his waist, the angle changing without him ever pulling out. He braced himself against the door, a hand next to your head as he slammed into you as fast as he could, chasing his own high as you came around him, milking him until he reached his own apex.

“Fuck,” he moaned, and after a few more thrusts and violent snapping of his hips, he came inside of you, breathing heavily and the air hot.

He pulled out of you, dropping your legs, causing you to nearly fall over. You caught yourself, stumbling as you smoothed out your dress.

You and Remus exchanged a look, sweaty and panting, and you broke the silence first.

“I’m going back to my common room,” you told him, “to forget that just happened.”

Remus pouted. “I don’t think you want that, doll,” he teased, “there’s some desires only Rem can fulfill.”

You almost slapped him. He fully just fucked you, and was already teasing you.

“I hate you,” you reassured him, swinging open the broom closet door and walking back to your common room.

[starry-bi-sky]

i have been unmedicated for the entirety of spring break and thus have had little interest in writing this down, but i have been thinking about this for the entire week (as well as a dpdc clone danny au that resulted in it becoming its entirely separate batman au that includes a teenage vigilante bruce wayne, an ocarina, and me entirely incapable of making a batman au without making bruce dirt poor but we're not talking about that) and so i've finally went 'fuck it' and forcibly grabbed my laptop. I will get this done in one sitting even if it kills me.

BUT. This is about neither clone^2 danny nor about who i am calling Ocarina Batman. This is about my Danyal Al Ghul Au and more SPECIFICALLY it's me thinking about his relationship with Sam and Tucker specifically.

Tucker and Sam? Adore this asshole (affectionate) with every fiber of their being. And it is very much a reciprocated feeling, but Danny's thoughts will not be delved into much other than he would kill for them.

Tucker? The only person currently capable of getting a deep, loud, belly laugh out of Danny. Sam can get him to smile and to laugh, but it's the kind that's a chuckle-under-the-breath. The quiet, looks-down-while-huffing laughter. Snorts once with laughter and then grins stupidly.

But Tucker? Tucker can crack a slew of stupid jokes and Danny will be incapacitated for the next five minutes because he's laughing so hard that he can't breath. He lands one well-timed pun or quip and Danny will be close to tears. His laughter is their favorite sound in the whole world.

Sam is lowkey jealous of this ability, and she's gotten a belly laugh out of Danny a few times. But alas, it is Tucker who wields this power and has gotten it the most times out of the two of them.

-

They're also both physically affectionate with Danny as much as possible. It started roughly around when they were 12-ish, a year since they befriended Danny, and they noticed that he sought after touch but never seemed to initiate (and was in some ways repulsed by it). They started slowly being more touchy with him. Hooking a finger around his to lead him somewhere, tapping his wrist, looping arms. Little touches, grabs, etc, to get him used to it, and once he started doing it back they started increasing it.

It's gotten to a point where he will now just. Lay on them. Like a lizard sunbathing on a rock. Leaning on their backs when they're sitting in class before the bell rings, his chin on their heads. He'll talk about anything with his arms looped around their shoulders.

If they're sitting on a couch at either of their houses, he'll lay his legs on theirs. Him and Tucker will press their feet against the other's and try and push against them (newsflash: Danny always wins, Tucker claims its the ghost strength but Danny's been winning since before his accident)

-

Naturally, both Sam and Tucker know where Danny keeps his weapons on his person, and are allowed to grab them off of him if they need it. His only requirement is that they don't lose his weapons if they take it and forget to return it immediately.

They both understand how big of a thing this is from Danny, and so they do their best to treat his weapons with a lot of respect and care because they know its his way of saying he trusts them.

-

Sam and Tucker are so fond of Danny it's insane. Like fr. That's their goddamn best friend, and they are so protective of him. Emotionally, physically, you name it. They will tear the head off a grown man if they need to, Danny's had scars since he arrived in Amity Park and Sam and Tucker both are going to find the person who put them there and make them pay for it.

One time, Tucker overheard a bunch of upperclass girls speaking nastily about Danny and about the rumors surrounding him, calling him names like 'freak', 'monster', etc. Danny was with him and heard it, and seemingly appeared unbothered by it, even telling Tucker that he was used to such rumors.

Tucker was so furious that hacked into the school system later that night and tanked those girls grades. They were kicked out of their clubs and had to go to mandatory tutoring for the rest of the year. He made sure to leave some way of letting them know it was him who did it.

And Sam doesn't like using her money for things, doesn't like abusing that wealth. So instead, whenever her parents talk bad about Danny, she causes a media incident that has her parents scrambling to deal with. She does something wild, outrageous by her parents' standards.

She heard some boys on the basketball team making fun of Danny once, similar to those girls had. She kicks up a fuss about something eco-unfriendly at school and forcibly holds a protest on the same day of the big home basketball game, forcing them to cancel the event and reschedule to a visiting school.

She anonymously donates money so that there's new uniforms for the team but oops! Looks like she "forgot" to donate enough money for them to get uniforms for all the team members, and strangely enough those boys in particular didn't get them! Looks like they'll have to wait until more money gets donated for the basketball team to get their new, nice uniforms. The old ones look so ratty in comparison, right?

And since the football team gets most of the sport money, that might just take awhile. And if (and when) they kick up a fuss? oops! Off the basketball team you go, :) such unsportsman-like behavior is unfit for the team.

(The only good thing about how corrupt the school system is is that she can use it to her advantage too.)

The both of them know that Danny suspects them for the sudden misfortune falling on these people, but he doesn't call them out on it. He's kinder than he used to be, but not kind enough to vouch for people who speak badly of him. Sometimes, he might just congratulate them on not getting caught.

Because Danny is their wonderful, hurt friend with a "slightly" Blue and Orange Moral code, and enough scars that people have been calling him a criminal (and worse) since he arrived in Amity Park when he was ten. And they'll be damned if he gets hurt anymore.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Drabbles of MC reflecting M6's love language or doing things for their beloved that their beloved does for them?

So like, carving wood figures for Muriel and getting him new tools when his wear down too much, getting Nadia thoughtful gifts that she would appreciate, spending time with Portia and Asra, and I think Julian and Lucio would love big dramatic displays of love

The Arcana HCs: Reflecting M6's love languages

Julian

Oh. Oh my. Be still, his rapidly beating heart (he really needs to cut back on the caffeine, but at least half of this is genuinely because of you) You're giving him affection?? In the best possible way???

You're fussing over his physical wellbeing when he's had a long day and helping him wind down?

You're playing music for him or telling him a story from your past?

By far your best stunt was when you decided to visit his clinic while it was closing to surprise him with a picnic dinner date

The front door was locked when you got there, so you decided to go through the back instead with the spare key he put in your bag a while back and completely forgot about ...

On your way through the back room, you spotted some of the spare uniforms and decided to throw on one of the coats and masks (as one does) to better surprise him

The surprised fumble, dramatic "en guarde!", and theatrical flourish with his own doctor's coat that you got when you surprised him was so typical of your first meeting that you fell apart laughing

The picnic on the docks afterwards where you reminisced on your (very successful) relationship so far was delightful

Asra

Oh, they're not used to this, and it's making them feel safe and loved and grounded in ways they don't know how to handle

You're offering constant reassuring physical touch, but leaving it up to him to accept it/only going ahead if he says yes first?

You're going out of your way to make safe, comfy spaces for them to take quick catnaps and breaks from the world and bringing them tea when they're deep in thought?

You're constantly bringing home things that reminded you of him and finding new niche experiences to treat him to?

They are turning into a puddle. They are melting through the floor. If this keeps up there will be water in their eyes and there is never water in their eyes -

It's not that he's incapable of accepting love, it's that he's become accustomed to carrying so incredibly much of it for you and expecting nothing in return, finding his reward in your happiness

But now it's like you're turning it all back on them and the connection they already feel with you is vibrant and alive in ways they never dreamed of experiencing

He can't help it, he is returning every single gesture no matter what

Nadia

This is a little hard to pull off, at first, given how much of Nadia's love language shows up in the way she uses her vast resources to pamper you and make you feel special and important

Unlike her, you have about as much money as you need to live comfortably in the apartment above your shop. You don't have enough to commission seven gold owls in her honor

However, what's quickly obvious about her gifts isn't how much money she put into them, it's how closely she noticed your little wants and went out of her way to meet them

And now you can do the same

Keeping a small heating surface and teapot in her suite so you can have her favorite brew hot and fresh when she wakes up

Stitching a pouch of soothing, memory and focus boosting herbs onto a decorative scarf for her to use between meetings

Tending to Chandra for a little while every day so she doesn't have to worry about her familiar going neglected for very long

Introducing her to the glorious (though not very fashionable) concept of long underwear for the chillier Vesuvian months

You doing this without making her feel small is what she loves

Muriel

... help

This is so, so strange to him, he has no point of reference for this and therefore little to no means to control how he reacts

You noticed how he likes to take care of the charms around the hut and repaired one for him when it was starting to fall apart?

You spent hours sitting next to him quietly until he found the words for his troubles, and then listened to him??

You even learned how to embroider so you could start putting together a new tapestry of the life you're building with him???

What nearly breaks him is when you start to cook dinners for him when he already has a habit of cooking breakfast

Sure, having a life where food is consistent is something he doesn't take for granted, and he's held onto the value of it long enough to make sure anyone who stays a while gets something (eggs)

But now it's a whole new level of safety and care where he can trust that neither of you are going to bed on an empty stomach, and he doesn't even have to worry about there being enough

If you start carving little companions for the wooden animals he's made and set them up like they're snuggling he'll implode

Portia

Is she used to receiving affection? Yes. She's a fairly well-adjusted adult with unmatched people skills, her friend group and social network are vast and she rarely goes forgotten

Is she used to being somebody's first affection recipient? ... not so much, no. She's the person who gets called up after her important people have called up their most important people

So to be your most important person ... that's new

She's hearing something from you before you've told anyone else?

You're not deciding on whether to attend an event until you know if she's going? She's the person you look at when you find something beautiful or funny because you want to see her reaction first?

And let's not even get in to the ways you praise the efforts that usually go unnoticed or the work you've put into knowing her

Not only do you check in on how she's feeling, you don't even need her to tell you half the time. You can read it on her face

And you don't act like it's below you to support her when she's so used to supporting others. You even bring her lunch so she eats!

There's always plenty of affection when she's around, but to be noticed and known and important - that matters to her most

Lucio

Just. Be proud of him? (yes, he's grown enough to know that that's a big ask, depending on the situation -)

His instinctive way to show you how much he loves you is to make a big deal out of you and what you mean to him. Bragging about what a good person you are, what a happy life you have, etc

But if you do the same for him? After years of knowing (even though he wouldn't admit it) that he wasn't necessarily someone whose fondness people would be especially proud of?

Man, you make being a good person sound amazing

If you brag about his swordmanship and survival instincts to other journeymen in a tavern after a finished job, he'll stare at you with stars in his eyes. If you call him handsome, he'll melt

Don't even get started on the massive boost to his security if you show him off. You ask him to give you a flourish while he's trying on a new red cape and compliment it to the vendor?

He'll be thinking about it all day (he might walk into a tree)

He remembers being a source of social discomfort for his ex-wife (and worse, his mother's shame for raising him poorly) but the moment you loudly call him yours it gets just a little bit lighter

[downtwngrl]

INTRICATE.

hi so it’s been a WHILE. uhhhh rewatched challengers for the thousandth time and it broke me out of my writers block! i don’t know how im going to continue w this, so feel free to drop any ideas and ill add it to the lore 😈 note: series prob isn’t gonna end with any smut scene bc im incapable of writing one without it sounding stupid asf! but who knows, you might be surprised

cw: 1.4k words,,, art and reader are dating but fighting, set in stanford era, tashi is NOT injured, patashi, hints of reader crushing on tashi but repressing it, fighting, tensiontensionTENSION! basically everyone is friends with one another but they all want each other BAD. lmk what else i should add :)

“it’s complicated.” that’s what you say every time someone asks you what your relationship with art donaldson is. and it’s true— you guys are fiery, but not explosive. complex, but not convoluted. it’s just… strange. intricate. hence, complicated.

you think he’d probably say the same thing, but there’s no real way to know, since you can’t exactly ask. the two of you aren’t on speaking terms right now, and for the same reason you two stopped talking last time, and the time before that.

art donaldson can’t split his time between his girlfriend and his fucking best friend’s girlfriend. and you can recite the argument quite well, maybe even word for word; it’s still fresh in your mind, engraved there.

“c’mon, you can’t just keep ditching me for her. it’s annoying, and it hasn’t just happened once or twice, you know.”

“i know.” art sighed, a hand tangled in his hair as if to ground himself. your name fell from his lips, voice cracking midway. “what do you want me to do? she needed help with her physics homework.”

“she can get one of her fucking groupies to help her! she’s a big girl, she doesn’t need to rely on you.” the way you said it, mocking and condescending, was mean, and you know it. you don’t hate tashi— you can’t even bring yourself to dislike her. but it hurts every single time you text art on your motorola and get hit back with some half-assed variation of ‘helping tashi. sry :( i’ll come later.’ he never actually shows up at ‘later’, which only rubs salt in the wound.

art’s jaw ticked. his eyebrows furrowed and eyes darkened in a way you’d only seen once before, when someone was talking shit about tashi in the cafeteria. you had watched as she calmly reassured art that is was fine, that he needed to relax, but he only shook his head and clenched his fists. in that moment, you wondered if he ever got that angry if he overheard someone talking about you. you now doubt it.

“don’t talk about her like that.” he said it calmly, but your skin still prickled. “she’s an accomplished lady. what about you? what have you done?”

if you sounded condescending before, it was nothing compared to how he sounded then. you scoffed away the sinking feeling in your stomach, blinked back the sting in your eyes. there was a lot you could have said to him then: ‘i might not be half as good at tennis as she is, but that’s less embarrassing than being second-best to her boyfriend.’ or ‘i didn’t compete for her number and lose.’ hell, even a good ‘fuck you’ would have sufficed.

instead, you just stood there, frozen, as he grabbed his stanford sweatshirt and left.

when you tell the story to patrick, he laughs, and doesn’t stop laughing until you jab him with your elbow, effectively knocking the oxygen out of him. his hands raise in mock surrender before speaking. “sorry, it’s just funny to see him get like this, i guess.”

you frown. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“i mean that he likes you, but he likes tashi. i know it, tashi knows it, and from what i heard on the walk here—” he gestures vaguely towards the door to your dorm, “—the school knows it, too. i dunno, i guess it’s amusing ‘cause art has never been so disturbed about this kind of shit. usually he just picks the girl he likes best, but he can’t.”

“you mean he can’t because you’re dating her.”

patrick smirks his signature smirk. you have the urge to punch his teeth out; vagueness is beginning to be a pet peeve of yours. “no, i’ve told him that tashi is free reign.”

the way your stomach flutters at that is shameful. you push the feeling away. “like, you guys aren’t..?”

patrick shrugs. “i mean, currently she hates me because i said i’d go to her match yesterday and i missed it.” these guys really need to stop promising us stuff, you think. “but yeah, when she isn’t pissed off, we’re dating, and we talk about it. ‘bout you guys. she doesn’t really care if the two of you make moves on either one of us.”

you don’t say anything, but your ears feel warm, and your heart is about to explode out of your chest. it doesn’t help when patrick takes that as a sign to keep talking and says—

“i don’t care either.” it suddenly hits you, the closeness between you and him. close enough that you can smell his cologne, one typical of a rich frat boy you’d pass by in the halls. but it feels different, with him. patrick’s smirk has shifted into a grin, a big one. you realize he’s been gauging your reaction, and is thoroughly pleased.

“oh,” you breathe. he snickers, repeats it back playfully. you don’t understand how he’s so relaxed, able to make light-hearted jabs in this moment. art likes you and tashi. tashi doesn’t care if he likes her, or if you like her. patrick doesn’t either. but where do you stand in this?

your phone jingles, the sound muffled from the blood roaring in your ears. you don’t know if you should thank or curse out whoever decided to call you at this second, but you excuse yourself to answer. patrick nods begrudgingly, backs up enough for you to have room to finally start to inhale and exhale again. “hello?”

“hey.” it’s art on the phone. impulsively, you look around, as if he’s hiding somewhere in the dorm he marched out of a few days ago.

holy fuck. “hey!” you sound too cheery to your own ears, and hope that over the line it sounds more convincing. you hear a sigh on the other end, and can imagine art physically loosen. “what, uh— i thought you were mad. at me.”

patrick perks up. ‘art?’ he mouths, and you nod. he attempts to come closer, but you swat at him, moving a few steps away. he pulls a face, but doesn’t move closer. still, he’s definitely trying to hear what art is saying.

“i was.” art laughs nervously, the sound tinny over the phone. “but you’re right. i fucked up. tashi… she isn’t my girl. i need to pay more attention to you, and that’s gonna happen starting now.”

she isn’t my girl. “she could be,” you think aloud. you tense. art chokes. patrick stifles a laugh.

“what?” you pray that he didn’t hear it. you had mumbled it, whispered it, there’s a chance it didn’t pick up. art says your name one, two, three times before you respond.

“sorry, i just zoned out a little.”

“no, you said something. baby, what’d you say?”

“i said ‘you should be’. like, you should be paying more attention, dumb joke, i was trying to sound threatening,” you slap your free hand against your lips to stop your word vomit, then your forehead as you reprimand yourself for acting so stupid.

art hums. “oh, okay.” it should relieve some on the tension in your shoulders, but it doesn’t. he usually laughs when you fluster, but he didn’t. is he unconvinced, or are you overthinking? “hey, tomorrow can you come to my practice at noon? we can go to the cafeteria after, i’ve got wayyy too many meal credits.”

you look to patrick for help, but he shrugs, enjoying the moment. “sure.”

art says his goodbyes, goes ‘mwah!’ through the phone (which usually makes you laugh, but now you feel bad), and once you say bye, he hangs up.

“i’ll go to his practice, too.” it’s never a question with patrick (or with tashi); he just lets you know. “tashi’ll be there. she’s always on the court when she’s free.” you find it endearing that he knows her schedule.

“tashi.” you like the way her name rolls off your tongue, but you’d rather die than admit it.

before you can say anything else, patrick walks over, swings an arm around your shoulders and pulls you close. “don’t forget about what i said.” his breath smells like spearmint gum, the type art is always chewing. maybe he gave him a piece. “just think on it, yeah?”

you nod, and he pats your cheek before walking out the door, leaving you feeling dazed. after a few moments of just laying on your bed, soaking in the conversation you just had, your phone dings.

we’ll see u tmrw :-) -pat (&tash)

[cuubism]

unhinged dreamling modern au #409430950

the bachelor

dream is bribed, threatened, and/or physically dragged by his ankle into being on a dating show by death and desire (for very different reasons, death just wants him to be happy and is very very desperate at this point, desire's just fucking with him again), and needless to say dream is not the target candidate for this. at all. sure he's pretty and rich but he's also a complete asshole. this is destined to go poorly.

(unless you're the show's producers who just want an unhinged television trainwreck that keeps people in their seats, in which case it's fucking fantastic)

hob is also there as a contestant because he's bored, single, and always willing to do something stupid. everybody on the show is taking it seriously except for dream, who'd rather jump off a cliff than be here right now, and hob, who's just entertaining himself.

dream: this is stupid (hateful) hob: this is stupid (having the time of his life)

needless to say this whole thing is a disaster. normally contestants are clamoring for the 'bachelor's' attention but dream just keeps being an utter jerk to everyone, making them cry, and causing them to actually drop out of the show. contestants: "i'd rather die than be with you." dream: "glad we're finally on the same page." like. dream doesn't even have to actively eliminate people. they just eliminate themselves because he's so insufferable.

hob isn't put off, though, this whole thing is hilarious to him. dream tries scaring him off and hob just laughs like "oh you're so cute, this is great"

dream: i hope you die hob: you want me so bad it makes you look stupid

the more people drop out of the show the more time dream and hob end up spending together, by necessity. unfortunately for dream's sanity hob is actually very charming and fun and inexplicably good at getting dream to smile. they have at least one proper heart-to-heart and hob is so kind to him, and dream hates him soooo much for it.

(of course he actually likes him, and it's the worst thing that's happened to him, maybe ever. he's in agony. he wants off this ride, please. maybe he wants on a different ride ahem.)

so now hob's properly invested in this stupid game, he's like oh that wretched stick of a man is mine (literally nobody is challenging him but he's being super competitive about it anyway). all it really results in is dream being MORE of an asshole both to hob and to everybody else. (dream: one time i had a crush on this guy and i didn't know how to handle it so i just wrote him a letter saying get out of my tv show). and yet every week dream could eliminate hob from the show but he never does...

anyway soon enough literally every other contestant has dropped out of the show and it's JUST hob remaining and he basically wins by default. dream absolutely will not be beaten or outdone and is like fine hob i'll call your bluff. marry me if you're so committed to winning. hob's like, bet :) (see: always willing to do something stupid).

they do in fact get married because they're both incapable of conceding defeat. then they're like well. what do we do now...

dream: going to divorce me now and take half of my money? run with your spoils? hob: idk, are you going to divorce me and finally 'free yourself from the torment of my presence'? dream: *sniff* then you would win hob: then i bet i can stay in this relationship longer than you :) dream, gritting his teeth: bet

anyway they manage about two months before dream, perpetually in agony over how aggressively he's into hob, is like fine, i concede, i can't take it anymore. leave me if you want, take my money, i do not care, only free me from this pain. hob: so... i win? i get to choose the prize? dream, utterly defeated: whatever you want hob: okay! and he kisses him

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

what it's like to fuck re4 leon (angsty)

pairing: leon/reader

cw: ANGST, smut, rough sex, mentions of suicidal ideation, mentions of death, low self-esteem

summary: i wanted to write headcanons/a similar post to the vendetta!leon post and give my 'realistic'/pessimistic take on re4 leon's sex life, (as opposed to the cute/sexy idealistic version), but i let my mind off it's leash and went full-blown depressing

wc: 977

Leon’s a certified cynic and doesn’t do much to hide it. If you found him out somewhere, maybe a bar - a place he’d one day frequent, he’d seem unapproachable. Not only due to his obvious physical attractiveness, but also to his disinterested expression, which wasn’t directed at anything or anyone in particular. He probably got dragged out of his house by friends who were chatting and laughing, or had already gone home with someone else, so he was just biding time until he’d decide to call a cab home. 

If you struck up a conversation with him, he’d smile politely because behind it all, he’s still kind. The stoic facade is just a new manifestation of depression because he’s not allowed to cry or rot away in bed. That’s not what a good government agent does. He’s charming when you finally get him to open up a bit. He compliments you, sincerely, despite the awkward manner in which the words fall out of his mouth. 

As the night drags on you can’t stop yourself from thinking about how badly you want to take him home or vice versa. You’re hoping he’ll kiss you, but he’s not into PDA, so he won’t, in a crowded bar. But, when you’re standing outside about to call a cab, you think he’s going to offer you his jacket because it’s cold during the winter in D.C., but when he wraps one arm around you, his other hand lifts your chin, so he can kiss you. Soon, that same hand is cradling the back of your head, so you don’t hit your head on the brick wall behind you when you’re pressed up against it. The kiss is hot. It’s not all tongue-and-teeth sloppy, but it’s far from chaste, especially once he has one of your legs wrapped around one of his hips. 

Eventually, he’s holding you up entirely and it takes no energy for him, you can tell by his arms. Still, you can feel his biceps flex under your touch, and you can’t help but think about the possibility of reaching down and feeling a similar firm sensation at the front of his jeans. 

If you’re lucky, if he’s too drunk and can’t walk without stumbling, thus incapable of any sort of wild sex, or if he’s too sober and still has a grasp on the consequences of getting caught with his pants down in public, he might take you home. The sex wouldn’t be rough - unless you ask for it - because he doesn’t know you like that and would never want to cross a boundary. He understands what those are. If you asked for it hard, he’d happily grant that wish because he’s constantly pent up with frustration and has very few outlets to get his emotions out. It’s not like he can talk this shit out, so sex is a cheap bandaid solution, but it feels better than nothing. He’d like it from behind - he wouldn’t want to see your face, but not because he doesn’t think you’re beautiful. He does. But sometimes pleasure looks like pain and he hates to watch people cry even no matter the circumstance. 

On the other hand, he’s quite the masochist. He wants to get his hair pulled while he’s on his knees with his face shoved between your legs. His perfect, precious hair that he fought so hard to keep, but this is the only time it’s not for show. It’s useful when it comes to sex, it’s another vulnerability, one that he allows himself to have. He likes scratches down his back, too, ones that cover up old scars like a new paint job. In the shower the next morning, he doesn’t have to relive every knife and bullet that’s ever grazed his skin. Nails down his back or his chest let him link pain to pleasure, he only deserves the former in his opinion, though, the second is just collateral. 

Sex is just a chase to death, really, Leon thinks. It’s the kind he’s man enough to suffer. The ten seconds of oblivion are so good, especially since he doesn’t have to think anymore. He can’t off himself just yet, so it’s the best he can do. The only other options are morphine, lobotomy and a bullet to the head, or at least, that’s what he thinks. He’d never say it out loud, though. 

When he fucks you, he doesn’t have to think. It’s the same adrenaline rush he feels when he’s in fight or flight mode. It’s like killing, you feel the guilt later. It’s not the same as fighting bioterrorism, though, since the government’s the one that’s screwing him in that situation. The animalistic, carnal side of him doesn’t take over his mind when he kills. He’s not voracious like that, there’s nothing thrilling. Because no matter how hard he’s thrusting into you, even if the tip of his dick is hitting your cervix everytime and his iron grip on you leaves bruises, he’s a good man inside. 

If you don’t want it hard and fast, you’ll get it slow and deep and methodical. It’s a memorized routine, he’s just running on instinct, but he’s not bored. It’s more like watching the same TV show over and over, it was good the first time and it’s comfortable, so you keep cycling through the same episodes. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. 

Leon feels guilty when he gets his dick sucked, so you’d have to coax him into it. If you really want to spoil him, though, you’d have to ask him not to pull out when he’s right on the edge. He doesn’t even think he has a breeding kink, but it’s like you’ve put malware in his brain and just fucked up the code, he can’t help the fact that he blows his load inside you. He’ll buy you Plan B tomorrow and leave it on the counter alongside a sticky note with an apology on it, short and sincere.  

Leon will let you stay the night, let you snuggle up to him while he tries to reciprocate the same gentleness, and he’ll make you coffee in the morning. He won’t plan on romancing you, though. It’s not out of any malice. It’s just that he doesn’t quite believe in love, or at least, he doesn’t believe it’s for him. The government controls his life and he’s learned to submit - they haven’t sent any women to court him yet, so he’s convinced they’d never let him have a girlfriend.

[soleilars]

hii! could u do a leo valdez x nyx!reader ? could be headcannons or short story whichever u prefer :) take ur time and thank you!!

IT’S BEEN SO LONG, IT’S BEEN SO LONG, MAYBE WE’RE FIREPROOF

summary: leo valdez frightens everything he likes. and he’s so so so scared of you.

pairing: leo valdez x nyx!reader

a/n: i hope you like this!<3 i wrote it so quick idk what happened tbh

it wasn’t like leo disliked you. he didn’t know you this well to have this kind of judgement about you in the first place. he just… didn’t wanted to cross paths with you. like, ever. again, he didn’t dislike you. he’s just so leo about that. the one time he decided to play capture the flag after weeks of not playing, he got taken down in the first 10 minutes into the game by no one else than you. he got angry at first, thinking that someone had hit him by mistake because he wasn’t hurt or dizzy, he just fell to the ground with his face hitting the earth. you made sure not to inflict pain in anyone during the game, so to say the least it was an ego boost for you to strike again with such efficient. when for leo it was certainly a motive for never play again after his pity dignified performance. and to be honest you scared him. he was just so amazed with your beauty, which seemed to get amplified by the night time, that he felt physically incapable of talking to you.

this probably justifies his reaction when the one day he decided to go out of bunker 9 after several days in with the minimum amount of human contact, he saw you coming in his way. broken sword in hands and a pleading face.

no, no, no, no, no, hell no.

would it be ridiculous of him to run? to simply turn away and run? pretend he didn’t saw you because he was sure you didn’t saw him? gods, he hopped not because that’s what he did. he went straight to the way he came from and started looking at the shelves, pretending to be busy with something. you came in anyway, after all the need of a repair was evident and you were getting impatient. ‘this kind of gold is roman stuff. most of us aren’t specialised at this and we wouldn’t risk breaking or causing any extra damage to your weapon. i recommend you find, leo. he’s more used to this kind of stuff than us, really.’ jake manson, the cabin’s counsellor had told you.

“hey, is someone in here?” your voice send shivers through leo’s spine. he cursed himself as he came out of his, not so, hidden spot.

“uhm, yeah? who are you?”

as you introduced yourself and explained your problem leo could feel himself getting more and more warm. the mixed feelings started to get to him in the form of an alarm sounding in his head that sounded like ‘dangerous!!!!!hot, but dangerous!!!!!! would look stunning… while killing you!!!’

“sorry, but are you okay? you seem… pale.”

leo was surprised to find himself more nervous than usual. and believe, he’s very used to being nervous around pretty girls, and he’s also very used with being scared. now, the combination of both of those? nah, he’s an absolute mess. it takes him a few seconds, or maybe minutes? to go back to his ‘normal’.

“whatcha saying? sorry, i didn’t understand”

“i was saying that i need to fix my gold sword. you can do that for me?” you cried “please, your half siblings said you’re the only one that works with it”

“yeah yeah, sure. hand me the thing and i’ll see what i can do”

after a week your sword was almost new again. lighter and sharper. in the meantime, you asked leo to let you watch him work, mostly so you could try to understand how to fix it new time or tips on the most efficient way to keep them glossy and not dull. by chance, leo started to get more comfortable around you and vice-versa. lazy mornings, calm afternoons and busy nights. if bunker 9 wasn’t so far from camp for sure the two of you would get in trouble from noise making past midnight. leo joked that by the night time you should help him, because your mom being who she is you’re supposed to be the most productive in the room. you laughed at his suggestion, but ended up helping him with his projects the minute the sun sets.

his work was so good that you ended up taking your dagger, your helmet, your other sword, and another dagger for his treats. you may have made the blade of your daggers go blind and getting the pegasus to kick your helmet, but that doesn’t really matter does it?

[writtnbyhan]

seungmin comforting insecure reader? im feeling a bit weird rn and would rlly like some comfort writing:(( its fine if not !!

hi!! I rushed to write this as quickly as possible and I really hope it brings you some comfort, whatever little it may be. You have no idea how happy it makes me that you chose me to write your comfort writing because I understand what it feels like to need some and !! to be able to provide it !!!! I swear to you you've made me the happiest by asking this, and I hope I can give back a little bit of that happiness with my silly little words :(

also, I really hope it was what you expected ?? I didn't want to put too much focus on what makes reader insecure because I know it's something different for each one of us and I tried to keep it as generic as possible. I hope you like it and I hope you're feeling better <3

word count: 1319

You’re awfully quiet, and Seungmin is quick to notice. Normally, you joke around with him, you laugh at his jokes even when they’re really lame, you shine when you’re happy, and the difference is evident for him. Not that you’re not as beautiful as always, but the quiet and the lack of smile is noticeable, at least for him.

He decides not to comment on it for a while, assuming you’ll tell him if you want to share. But when enough time has passed, and you’re laying on the couch next to him, watching a movie, he breaks. Your attention is clearly somewhere else, you’re lost in thoughts and your face makes it evident that the thoughts on your mind are not precisely happy ones.

“Baby?” he asks, and he knows something’s wrong when that doesn’t get your attention. “y/n?” he asks again, his voice almost a whisper, worry gnawing at his chest.

You look at him, and your eyes are glossy like you’re fighting hard not to spill the tears that have gathered in your eyes.

“Oh, baby.” He sounds so sad for you, and he extends his arm, an open invitation for a hug. Usually, you’d be quick to accept and cuddle him, but today… Yeah, today is an exception.

You shake your head and the tears finally fall. You don’t intend them to, but they apparently don’t let you control them anymore. They’re spilling from your eyes, rolling down your cheeks, and leaving you naked and vulnerable in your boyfriend’s eyes. You hate crying, but you hate crying in front of him more. You know his heart is breaking by the way he looks at you like he’d gladly take all of your pain and carry it for you (he would).

He waits, his arms still open. It is evident on his face that he doesn’t know what to do. He always respects your boundaries, especially when it comes to physical touch and when or when it is not welcomed. You’re not a big fan of PDA, and neither is he, so he’s always asking before doing something, sometimes even when you’re alone. It is endearing. Today, though, you can tell he’s doubting whether he’s doing the right thing or not.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” his voice is on the verge of breaking, and you cry harder. Why, why would he worry this much? Why would he care? Why should he care? Why does he care? You surely don’t deserve a boy like him.

You shake your head again and sigh. A voice in the back of your head reminds you of the importance of communication in a relationship, and you curse at it, even when you know it’s true. You sigh again.

“Why?” You say finally, only able to voice the only word repeating in your mind. He looks confused, and the look is so endearing you almost want to laugh through the tears; you’re incapable of actually doing so, though. “Why me?” You say, voice quieter now, more weak. His eyes soften, and you think he’s beginning to understand.

He’s patient. He doesn’t push. He doesn’t answer the question because he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing. He’s waiting for you to actually ask something he can answer.

“Why choose me, when you can have anyone?” The question is whispered, but it sounds so loud in Seungmin’s head, resonating against its walls, and he wants to scream just to quiet it.

For your ears, though, he only gasps. His arms lowered when you started speaking, and his hands twitched as soon as you finished voicing the question. He wants to hold you. He wants to cry himself, but he forces himself to remain strong to provide you with that strength.

“Because I want you,” he says, like it’s obvious. “I always want you. I don’t care who I could have, as long as I have you, I don’t care about anyone else.” He’s looking directly at you, trying to get his point across.

You look down, staring into your lap while the tears fall.

“It’s just…”

He waits. He waits so patiently, even though he’s growing desperate to hug you and reassure you. He waits, because boundaries or whatever.

“It’s just that sometimes, when you’re doing promotions…” you hide your face behind your hands as your crying becomes more intense. “I just think… you deserve one of them, you know, an idol who can dance and sing and who looks so pretty and so tiny and… I can’t ever be that. No matter how hard I try, I’m me and you just deserve so much better than I can be.”

Your tears are falling freely, the waterfall has opened and it’s clear it doesn’t plan on closing soon.

“y/n,” he says, he’s worried and he’s serious, and you fear you might have made him angry because the serious look on his face is unusual. “Listen to me, and listen clearly: I want you.” He enunciates the words, pronouncing each one loud and clear. “I don’t care about them, I chose you because you’re you, and that’s exactly what I want. And I deserve exactly that: what I want. What I want is you.” He is the one to sigh now. “I can’t even look at other people, baby. You’re the prettiest person my eyes have ever laid upon – and I say this while seeing Hyunjin every day, you know.” He laughs at the last part.

You laugh a little, too, even if it’s weak. You want to believe him, even if your fears are stronger today. You know he means what he says, even if you can’t understand how he can mean it.

His touch is barely there when he reaches for your hand, trying to take them out of your face. “Let me wipe your tears, please. I’ve got you, baby, I’m right here.”

You let him lower your hands, but you still keep your gaze fixed on your lap. His touch is still featherlike when he softly caresses your chin, indicating for you to look up. You do, your glossy eyes meeting his, not as glossy as yours but almost there.

“I’m sorry. I’m being really difficult today. I’m sorry” 

You’ll never not be amazed by Seungmin’s ability to understand what’s going on around him, by his tuned senses for everyone’s needs. So, it is still a surprise when Seungmin notices you getting barely closer and extends his arm towards you. You welcome the invitation, now, and pretty much throw yourself to him, his hold so strong, like he wants to hold you tight enough that it’ll fix everything broken inside you.

“Don’t apologize for needing some help every now and then. It’s okay to need reassurance, and I’m always willing to give it to you – you make this world better. . . you make me better. So please, let me help you when you’re getting in your head like this. I’m here for you, today, tomorrow, the day after that… even in 2065 when you’re all old and wrinkly, I’ll be by your side.” He gives a small kiss on the side of your head, and you let out a small chuckle.

“I love you so much, Seungminnie,” you say, quietly, into the dark room as the credits to the movie you were watching start rolling.

“I know,” he says, rocking you slightly. “Now, I’m going to put on another movie and you lay your head on my shoulder and try to sleep. It will all be better tomorrow when you wake up next to me.” You nod, doing as he says while he puts on a Disney movie. You turn your head to give a small kiss on his shoulder, and he chuckles. “I love you too, by the way.”

He’s right. Everything's better when you’re next to him, and you hurt a lot less when in between his arms.

[hexedwinchester]

Sam was a lonely kid

Before you go there, yes he had Dean but Sam still felt lonely. Feeling lonely can be psychological and one can feel lonely in crowd too. Haven't we all? Forget crowd, we can feel lonely even in the company of friends and family. This state of feeling lonely arises from a disconnect between you and your surroundings.

Sam felt lonely despite having Dean around because Dean was emotional unavailable. No, I do not blame him because Dean himself was a child and understandably incapable of providing that emotional security.

Sam's always been inquisitive. I imagine all those times he had questions about Mary, about John's hunting and for a long time he didn't get those answers. Not from Dean and definitely not from John.

Now, imagine a slightly older, more mature Sam who has built a persona of himself. He knows what he wants. It's not hunting. He has interests outside of hunting. Maybe it's math or maybe it's literature. But I'm pretty neither John nor Dean ever took interest in what Sam liked. They probably laughed at him when he must have expressed his desire to go to the college.

We all connect with people who, if not share, at least support and care about our interests, our likes, our dislikes. That's how we make friends and other relationships. There is a level of acceptance. It didn't happen with Sam.

Sam always felt like an outsider. Every school he went he felt different. He must have felt like an outsider too among his family. When you feel like an outcast, it doesn't take long for loneliness to seep in.

So, it is very normal for Sam to have felt lonely EVEN WITH DEAN AROUND!

Having someone around physically DOES NOT KEEP LONELINESS AWAY!!!

What inspired this post was the scene between Sam and a school professor (Back to School Special episode) where Sam thanks him for taking an interest in Sam because no one else had!

[cybertron-after-dark]

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, here's how I think the tfa Decepticons would handle a Human Error incident (suddenly turned human with zero logical explanation)

-Megatron ain't doing great. God dammit he's fucking TINY. Just when he's gotten his body back after god knows how long of being a severed head on the floor, he's vulnerable AGAIN. He's still up and functional, doing whatever needs to be done and not letting his present weakness interfere with his goals, but he's in full on paranoia mode. He trusts nobody and he's not going outside if he doesn't have to. Too many things that could go terribly wrong while he's a pathetic creature of flesh with no fucking armor plating and no rotors to fly with. Doesn't give a fuck about trying anything he could only do as a human, he's too busy trying not to die. He'll only eat the nightmare that is organic food if he's in a human body long enough to nearly starve. He'll never admit that it actually tastes better than energon. His pride would never allow it.

-Starscream is miserable and will LOUDLY bitch to everyone present whether they care or not. Unlike Megs, however, it's less in a "I have no armor plating, anything could crush me" way and more in a "EW EW EW WHY IM I SQUISHY GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF OH PRIMUS IM HIDEOUS" way. He's grabbing the nearest paper bag and putting it over his head. He's not risking ANYONE taking pictures of this little incident to blackmail him. He's especially angry that he can't fly. What do you mean he has to walk everywhere like some kind of monoformer??? What the fuck??? He'd normally try to off Megatron while he's vulnerable, but slag that, he's vulnerable too, and he doesn't even have his null rays to slag him with anyway. Convinced human food is going to be disgusting, pleasantly surprised when it's not. Gets a little obsessed with garlic bread, but we've all been there.

-Blitzwing has lost not one altmode, but two, and given how reflexive his transformation is, he's going a bit stir crazy. Doesn't help that he's lost his wings either. To try and cope, he's got the zoomies something awful, and tries running around the mountain base, jumping off whatever high surfaces he thinks won't kill him for a taste of altitude again, laughing his ass off as Random when he hits the bottom (very uncomfortable for him that he only has one face, too). However, in spite of his physical discomfort, and how generally overwhelming the situation is, he is at least a little excited that he can partake in human culture without consequences. He gets swept up in an arcade for a couple hours and has the time of his life, and tries as much earth food as he can. He's generally the only reason his teammates haven't starved yet because he's the only one willing to go out and get it. He has decided he really likes pizza, beer and chocolate. Genuinely a little sad he won't be able to eat it in his normal form.

-Lugnut is a bit disappointed that he's been given such an unworthy form incapable of serving his liege. How can he aid the GLORY of Megatron and the Decepticon cause when he is so small, so weak, so... Organic? But, he picks himself up and vows to do everything in his power to remain useful. And that starts with testing his limits to see how much use he can be. When he sees Blitzwing jumping off cliffs, he's certain his comrade's had the same idea and joins in, determined to find the threshold for his new body's pain tolerance. It is not as high as he would like. He can't really see as well now that he has one eye instead of his usual five, so he kinda keeps falling off high places anyway even after he's done doing it intentionally. Eventually tries organic food because he needs to fuel up to be of any use, but still loudly condemns it as inferior to energon. He kinda gets a kick out of knowing it's made from organic beings, though. He feels like he's turning some of the life on this useless planet towards a good cause by using its energy.

-Shockwave was already having a really weird day, falling through the space bridge and ending up on earth of all places. But as nice as it was to eschew his cover for a bit and catch up with his true comrades, it was kind of undercut by being suddenly even tinier than his usual disguise and significantly less durable. Not too fond of losing his extendable reach, either. Though he may not be too thrilled, he's still determined to make himself useful. More useful than the two idiots launching themselves off a cliff, anyway. He does a bit of research into basic self care and how to not die in general, as well as trying to figure out what did this to them and how to reverse it. Not opposed to trying earth food, he admits he's curious, if a bit intimidated by how varied it is. Learns he's got a bit of a sweet tooth, ends up mildly addicted to baked goods. Especially cheesecake. Once this whole humanity business is over, he starts a small side project on an internal filter that makes some organic matter edible just so he can keep eating it.

-Nobody takes their newfound humanity worse than Blackarachnia. She already hated being partially organic, but now the detestable, disgusting side of her makes up 100% of her frame. It feels like the final nail in the coffin. She's completely shut down, she just can't take what she's become, unsure whether this nightmare will ever end. She's not holding out on Shockwave being able to fix the issue. It never got magically resolved the first time it happened, why would it now? Her only cold comfort is the other cons have to suffer with her. She's not eating human food. If she starves, she starves, but she's not stooping to that level. She didn't before, and she sure as hell won't now.

[ya-killin-me-smalls]

A while ago you made some Deimos x Teammate headcanons, and they were all absolutely WONDERFUL

Would it be possible to get some Hank x Teammate headcanons? 👀

absolutely!!

headcanons under the cut

2BHank:

obviously gotta start with these two, respect for the elderly and all that

- divorced but it's complicated

- they started out as roommates while Doc was in college and Hank, unbeknownst to Doc at the time, was just getting started at being a menace to society

- they were close. a little too close. but nothing ever came of it aside from a mutual pining

- when Doc began working for the Agency/Nexus it drew a hard line between them. both believed they were doing what was right and that the other was a lost cause

- it turned into a physical fight and Hank did in fact leave Doc for dead

- he got better dw

- fast forward a few years, Doc has swapped sides and is incapable of admitting he was wrong

- Hank is not even a little bit sorry because in his mind it was deserved at the time

- they're different people now though and they both know that. the past is in the past. the world keeps turning

- their relationship has moved beyond platonic since but it's still complicated. they don't have the luxury of deep "what are we" conversations or quality time spent together unless Hank is injured

- regardless, Hank spends whatever downtime he does have in Doc's personal space. he's the type of guy that will just loom over you silently while you're working and patiently wait for Doc to pay attention to him

- Doc still keeps things professional for the sake of professionalism. his guard is only ever truly down when they've retired for the night and he can give Hank every drop of attention he craves

- Hank finds physical touch grounding so on days when his head is a mess and all his thoughts sound like they're underwater, he'll drape himself over Doc's shoulders and try to map out the sensation of him for a while

- "Wimbleton" is as close to a pet name as Doc will ever get. if he uses Hank's first name it's usually when he's mad/annoyed

- Hank doesn't necessarily bite Doc but he's got this weird form of cute aggression that makes him want to put his teeth on him

Hankmos:

yeah I already did this in the last post so what

- their first meeting was the equivalent of finding a wet kitten at the scene of a car accident

- Deimos hadn't yet made a name for himself but was well on his way, torching every stitch of AAHW property he could get his hands on (pyrokinesis Deimos my beloved)

- Hank was sent to raid a cloning facility when it happened. the entire place had gone up in flames and was little more than smoldering debris by the time he got there. he was there to kill everything that moved so of course he had to parse through said debris for any survivors

- what he found was a scrawny fucked up little dude passed out at the center of it all, completely unharmed, the only sign he'd been involved in the fire being the singed remains of his clothes

- interesting enough for Hank to not kill him despite being visibly a clone. instead he wraps Deimos's tiny ass up in his trenchcoat and brings him back to base

- Deimos still wears said trenchcoat because he's a fanboy and nothing will change that

- which also means he glues himself to Hank's hip from day one, not being a nuisance but always in the vicinity, tags along on whatever missions he can, asks Hank to train him in CQB

- and of course Hank grows fond of Deimos. how could he not? his rambling is pleasant background noise that helps keep Hank in the moment, he has a nice smile and laughs a lot, and it doesn't take long for him to become a worthy opponent for Hank

- a lot of their communication is done through body language and micro-expressions. Hank is incredibly perceptive of those subtle shifts and for Deimos it comes naturally

- Deimos goes out of his way to impress Hank. whether that means making stupid jokes to try and get a laugh out of him or showing off on the battlefield at every opportunity, his efforts know no bounds. it makes his heart flutter in a weird way whenever he gets those little signals of approval

- neither is keen on eye contact which works out perfectly, Hank because of the 'tism and Deimos because it feels like someone is trying to square up

- I feel like romantic cannibalism in the literal sense but as a metaphor would suit them so well. there's so much want between them and it's like they can't ever satisfy it. simply touching isn't enough. they need to grab. they need to hold. they need to squeeze. they could become each other and it still wouldn't be enough

- on the outside they play it cool for the most part obviously but the tension is always there. everyone can feel it

Hankford:

woefully underappreciated

- these two have the same vibe and demo and soldier tbh

- Sanford's whole thing is blowing shit up and setting things on fire

- Hank's thing is killing people in increasingly dramatic and violent ways

- combine the two, what more could you want out of a ship

- most of their initial bonding happens over explosions and combat tactics, as well as the inherently homoerotic act of patching each other up during battle

- after a particularly high risk/high reward mission, standing amongst the rubble of what was once a weapons factory and still high on adrenaline and dopamine, Sanford grabs Hank by the lapels of his coat and kisses him

- oh to make out with someone in the aftermath of an explosion

- these two lack a balancing factor. neither needs to be protected by the other. neither has ever been chill a day in their life. both are itching to destroy something at any given moment. they hype each other up and egg on every OSHA violation in the book

- Hank does feel protective towards Sanford because that's just in his nature, but he doesn't feel like he needs to hover or have eyes on him constantly. Sanford has dragged his sorry bleeding ass out of trouble more than once, after all

- Sanford is the king of PDA and they have to establish pretty early on that Hank isn't comfortable with others seeing that much of his private life. holding hands is as far as it goes if others are around

- alone? Sanford can't keep his hands to himself. his favorite thing is to dip Hank when he least expects it just to make him blush

- Hank isn't sure how to reciprocate at first. his hands are meant for crushing and tearing and Sanford is so gentle and tender. it's a learning curve and the way his hands shake when he's excited doesn't help

- they work it out over time together though, Sanford making an effort to lead affection and letting Hank sort out what he likes along the way

- Sanford is Hank's weighted blanket I take no criticism on this

- Sanford calls Hank "Doll". Hank incorrectly interprets this as sarcasm because he can't imagine someone associating him with something delicate or cute

- neither of them is allowed anywhere near the kitchen. not because they can't cook but because neither of them has any impulse control and the microwave will be blown up "for science"

- Sanford, ever observant and a little obsessive, begins mapping out Hank's behaviors and mental state as best as he can. he isn't surprised that Hank is a little fucked up, but there's a lot more going on in their than expected. and Hank, uncharacteristically, does open up to Sanford about the dissociation and memory problems

- Hank has outlawed the word babygirl because it makes him flustered angry

[starshine-hockey-girl]

Cold As Ice - The Interview

Here my fic for the May AU event for the HRPF fandom. As usual I am late getting it done. Apparently, I am physically incapable of writing a short blurb.

This a mafia AU. @pattiemac1 and I have created this AU together over the last two/three years. We add to it then take things away constantly. She graciously allowed me to insert my characters of Lex and Teddy (from Journey to the Emerald City) into the world.

This is a little glimpse into the world of a Sidney Crosby led mafia family and Teddy/Lex became a part of it. I don't think it needs much warning other than language and some implied violence. As usual fluff abounds between my two little cupcakes.

I will put a link at the bottom for anyone interested about Teddy/Lex in their world.

Word count - 7.1K words

@hrpffandomeventblog @cellythefloshie @fallinallincurls @penstxgal1968

SUMMER 2021 - DALLAS, TEXAS

Jamie “Lex” Oleksiak yawned as drove down the expressway toward home. It had been a rough night at the club. Three guys had called off and so he was forced to work at the front door. Between the oppressive heat and steady wave of SMU sorority girls shooting their shot with him, he was more than ready to get home. He mentally pictured the refrigerator and recalled at least two bottles of cold beer that he would be drinking soon. 

His cell phone rang and he glanced at the notification on his console screen. “Of course Seggy would call at 3 AM,” he thought to himself. He answered the call at the last moment. “Hey Seggy,” he said, “What’s up?”

Tyler Seguin held his cell phone to his ear and unbuttoned his shirt. “You are a tough guy to track down, Big Rig,” the brunette laughed, “I had to call three different guys to get your number. It’s like you dropped off the face of the planet.You still in Dallas?” 

“Yeah, still in here in Big D,” he muttered, feeling stung by the word still. It was not his plan to still be in Dallas. No, he had planned to return to Toronto with this tail tucked between his legs years ago. But life got in the way and his career began in security. He had almost saved enough to make the move back with a little dignity when he was struck by a thunderbolt. A thunderbolt named Theodora “Teddy” Baxter. 

Ironically, they met the last time that he had been forced to work the front door at the club. The moment she looked up with those bright blue eyes and megawatt smile as she handed over her ID, he was hooked. For reasons still unknown to him, she had agreed later that night to go on date with him. They had been inseparable ever since and any plans to move back to Toronto went out the window. His heart was firmly planted in Dallas. Well, anywhere she was. 

“What’s keeping you there?” Seggy questioned, “I thought you would have moved onto greener pastures by now. I know I did.” 

“It’s complicated,” Lex answered vaguely.

Seggy got quiet for  a moment and debated whether to push the issue. Big Rig was not known to be an open book and he needed him to have an open mind. “I got ya. Life’s like that sometimes,” he commented casually, “Listen, you still doing security work? That’s the word on the street.”

“Depends on who is asking,” Lex answered coolly. Other than his parents, he had not admitted to any of his Toronto friends that his professional hockey career had been a bust. 

“It’s me asking - it’s me,” Seggy answered. He had picked up on the tone in Big Rig’s voice. They shared in a desire to not let word of their career failure reach Canada. They had that much in common. 

“And why are you asking?” Lex asked warily. 

“Because I have a lead on a job and I think that you would be a good fit.” he said bluntly. Tyler tried to mask the desperation in his voice. 

The last guy that was brought into the crew turned out to be an utter disaster. Claude Giroux had been recommended to the crew by Flower and didn’t take long to discover that he wasn’t going to last long. His gruff demeanor ruffled the sensitive egos of the rag tag crew. The last straw was when he openly defied The Boss. It was so bad that HE delivered the permanent pink slip to the back of Giroux’s head himself. 

“Tell me more,” Lex asked. 

Tyler explained that the job would be head of security for the CEO for Maritime Industries. When Lex didn't respond immediately, Tyler read from his phone. “Planning and implementing comprehensive security strategies, controlling the security operations budget, monitoring expenses,” he rattled on.

“Seggy, are you reading that off your phone?” Lex interrupted.

“Ummmm, no” Seggy stammered.

“Don't bullshit me. What's the job?” Lex asked.

“It’s a crew in Pittsburgh- mainly strip clubs and a few night clubs,” Seggy sighed, “and a few extracurricular activities.” Tyler tried to downplay the extent of the organization until he got a sense of how comfortable Lex would be with the ethically gray area. 

“Seggy…..we are not 21 any more,” Lex asserted, “I’m too old to go back to that petty ass shit.” 

“Big Rig, would you believe me if I told you that Sid is planning on going legit?” Tyler pleaded, “We really need a guy like you.” 

“Sid?” Lex questioned, “Like Sid Crosby? That guy runs all of Pennsylvania and half of NYC. Holy shit - Seggy how did you end up on that crew.”

“Long story, but let’s just say that my hockey skills finally paid off,” Tyler smiled, “Seriously, he is going legit soon. The pay is good and there are bennys.” 

“How good is the pay?” Lex quizzed.

“Let’s just say that my family isn’t questioning my “hockey” career anymore,” he replied. 

“Shit - that good?” Lex muttered as he pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building. He looked up and saw the light on his living room. Teddy was waiting for him. Teddy who had never gotten so much as a parking ticket, much less arrested. “No,” he thought to himself, “I can’t bring her into that life.” He sighed, “Sorry, Seggy. I can’t.”

“Why?” Tyler whined. Sid wasn’t too happy that he was having to handle the day to day security operations and you know what they say, that shit ran down hill to Tyler. He needed to get someone to replace Giroux. He needed that someone right now. 

“Sorry, Segs - I gotta girl now. I don’t want to mess it up,” Lex said softly. 

“You’re turning down this dream job over a girl? Are you crazy?” Tyler scoffed.

“Yeah, I am crazy,” Lex sighed, “I just can’t risk losing her.” 

“I gotta meet this girl,” Tyler pushed before he decided that a softer touch was required, “I get it. Not really, but I get it. Why don’t you take a night and think about it. I can hold off Sid for that long.”

“I doubt I will change my mind, Seggy,” Lex countered, “She is the real deal.”

Lex hung up the phone and walked up to his apartment. He set his things down as he walked past the cramped kitchen. It was really just a glorified studio, but Teddy had done her best to make it homey. She had even started a new series on her YouTube channel - DIY Dollar Tree home decor. 

As if by unknown force, Teddy began to rouse when she felt Lex’s presence in the room. She had fallen asleep with her laptop open while editing videos. “Lex?” she yawned as she stirred, “Is it that time?” 

He walked over to her and moved her laptop to the table before scooping her into his lap. “Yeah,” he kissed her cheek as she curled her body into his chest. “How was work?” he questioned. 

Since the “Great Escape”, Teddy had taken two jobs to replace the income from her father’s real estate firm. Even with that, the duo struggled to make ends meet.  She had grown up with every luxury known to man and gave it all up two months ago to be with him after her father had issued the ultimatum. She had to pick between her family and her love. She made the choice in an instant and never looked back. Now she was waitressing at the best steakhouse in town at night and nannying for Stars goalie Ben Bishop during the day. She operated on fumes but never once complained. 

“Work was good. I had a private party so the tip was great, even the company was horrible,” she smiled. Lex furrowed his brow while she continued  “Paige came in and was well, you know, Paige,” she sighed, “Thank God for automatic gratuity. She might have stiffed me otherwise.” Lex studied her face and could see her desperately trying to keep the facade up but he could see the pain behind her eyes. Paige had been her childhood best friend but had turned her back on Teddy when she chose him after her family’s ultimatum. 

“Foz,” he said gently as he caressed her face. She smiled at the nickname he had given on their first date. It had started out as “Fozzy Wozzy Bear had red hair”, but had shortened over time to just Foz.

She shook her head to protest and shake the negative thoughts that were beginning to swirl in her brain. “No, Lex - it’s fine,” she lied, “She’s not important and I am glad that I could see her true colors finally.” She had seen the true colors of most of her childhood friends as one by one they dropped her. “It’s funny,” she thought to herself, “None of them had anything to say as they ignored the obvious signs that Chaz was beating me. But let me fall in love with a good, decent man who works hard and all of a sudden they are all concerned about my well-being.” The bitterness rose up inside of her. 

Her mind raced for a distraction. “I have a surprise for you!’ she jumped up and his eyes followed her. She came back with a to-go bag from the restaurant. He pulled out the box and opened it. Inside was a huge tomahawk steak with all the trimmings. He looked up to see her beaming smile, “They said it was overcooked because they wanted it super rare, but it’s cooked just like you like it, so I snagged it.” 

She moved to the side of him as he ate off of his lap. They enjoyed the moment in quiet contentment as Lex’s mind raced. “How long?” he asked himself, “How long can I ask her to make these sacrifices? How long before she runs back to the easy life. The life I can’t give her.”

His thoughts were interrupted with her voice, “Spill it, Jamieson.” She only used his full name when she was completely serious. 

“An old friend called with a job offer,” he started. Her face lit up immediately. “But it’s in Pittsburgh,” he interjected, expecting her face to drop. It did not. “And it’s not necessarily completely above board.” Again, he expected her expression to change, but it was bright and hopeful. “I told them no,” he said finally. “Why?” she questioned.

“I can’t leave you,” he answered. 

“Then take me,” she replied as if it was the obvious answer. 

“You would go? You would go to Pittsburgh? But Dallas is your home,” he said in disbelief.

“My home is with you, Love,” she kissed his cheek.

“And it doesn't bother you that there may be some shady shit?” he prodded.

“There is shady shit going on everywhere, even the corporate world. There is a reason my father has a security detail. You don’t become a billionaire without doing some shady shit and making a few enemies along the way. What's the difference? The real question is would you take the job if I weren’t a factor?”

“I would at least go have the conversation,” he answered,

“Then go have the conversation,” she kissed his cheek.

Lex picked up the phone and dialed Seguin. He only spoke three words when Tyler answered, “Set it up.” Then he hung and focused on Teddy, “Tell me about Paige. What did she do this time? Do I need to go pay her a visit”  He tickled her sides and nipped at her neck. “I can be your enforcer, Foz. Just say the word.” 

TWO DAYS LATER 

“Foz” Lex asked as she adjusted his tie on the private plane Crosby had sent for them, “Where did you find this suit? I am not buying the Goodwill story.” The odds have her randomly finding a tailored suit that fit his almost six eight frame was slim to none.

“I acquired it. That's all you need to know,” she grinned. 

Lex opened the suit jacket and saw the label with the words “Custom made for RTB”. He looked up at her in surprise. “Is this your dad's suit? Did you steal a suit from your dad?” Their height was about the only thing he had in common with the stubborn, prideful man. 

“Steal is such a harsh word,” she answered as she brushed imaginary lint off of his chest. He looked at her with one eyebrow raised,”it's an old suit. It was languishing in the back of his closet. I am pretty sure he wore it to my confirmation. We are giving it new life.”

“You stole it, Foz,” he teased.

“Well, think of me as modern day Robin Hood,” she teased as she pulled on his tie to kiss him, “And you can be me Maid Marian.”

His eyebrows furrowed in sign of disapproval. “What? You would look good as Maid Marian,” she protested before continuing, “I simply tested the supposedly top notch security system at my parent's house. I was doing them a service actually. They should be thanking me that I only took a suit as payment. It could have been worse.”

“Put it back once we get home,” he chided. 

“Fine, but Lex, I don’t think you are going to be up for the level of shady shit working for Sid Crosby is going to require if you can’t accept one re-acquisitioned suit from my father,” she playfully pouted. 

“I am the only criminal in this relationship. You are the virtuous one with the heart of gold, got it?” he said. He cracked a smile, but the message was clear - leave the shady shit to him. 

“Got it,” as she adjusted his tie, “Now let’s go knock him dead.”

Maritime Manor - Sidney Crosby Compound - Fox Chapel, Pennsylvania

Lex stood at the large picture window for a moment. He examined what he could see of the extensive  grounds. The lawn was well manicured with each of the smaller cottages on the compound sharing a large common area. Just beyond the cottages was a wooded area that extended to what looked like a river or creek bed. He mentally checked for sight lines and frowned at the results.

He turned around and examined the large office that had been created from two small guest rooms. At the far end, a large conference table sat covered with stacks of money. From what he could quickly estimate, it was easily $20K in stacks with a pile left to be sorted. He walked closer to the table. The pile was probably another 50K left to be sorted from collected protection money from the weekend. 

Outside the office, he heard the jovial sounds of the crew chirping each other. Suddenly they got quiet. He turned to face the door. The chatter had turned seriously and he heard the sound of the front door open. He then heard the sound of Sid’s distinct Nova Scotian accent, “Who is she?”

Then he heard the accented voice of Andre Burakovsky, “She’s with the big guy. He’s waiting for you in the office.” Lex’s body tensed up and he faced the door. 

Seggy piped in, “You left him in the office? Alone?”

“That’s not good?” the Swede questioned Seggy as they walked past him. Sid’s silence sent the resounding message that it was indeed, no good. Lex heard footsteps that approached the door. He resumed his position by the picture window, but turned when Sid and Seggy walked in the room. 

Sid did a quick visual assessment as he walked in. His lips pursed when he saw the stacks of money in the open. When his eyes landed on the gun left out in the open, he shook his head, “Burky, Burky, Burky.”

After a quick one shoulder hug and pat on the back, Tyler moved to make the introductions. “Sid, this is Jamie Oleksiak aka Big Rig,” he began, “We go back a long way. Big Rig, this is Sid Crosby. He runs this crew.”

“I am sure that he knows who I am, Seggy,” Sid interjected as he shook hands with Lex, “You can leave us alone now.” Tyler’s head went back and forth as the two stood in an extended handshake. 

“Sure, Sid,” Tyler said through the tension that radiated off of the two men sizing each other up. “I’m just going to go head over to the clubs and deal with that bouncer issue.” 

Lex noted the hand strength in the shorter man as Tyler left. He also noted the slight flair in his nostrils and tense jaw. On the surface, Sid appeared calm and neutral.  He crossed in front of Lex to walk to his desk. He made a quick turn while pulling out his gun. He was met by a gun pointed between his temple as Lex quickly removed his gun from his hand. Time stood still as the two men stared each other down. The beating of each other’s heart pounded in their ears. It was then that Sid noticed the gun pointed at his head was one of his own. His eyes shifted and he saw the hidden gun safe ajar. 

Sid said neutrally, “So what’s your plan of action here, Big Rig?”

“Well, I would say my plan of action is to find out if you are as big of an idiot as your crew,” Lex said equally as cool, “Also I would say that we are in the process of sizing each other up. I think I have the upper hand literally and figuratively.” 

“I think that you have proven your point,” Sid took a step back without breaking eye contact, “You have found some vulnerabilities that need to be addressed. Care to sit down and discuss the job now like professionals?”  Lex nodded and Sid carefully walked behind his desk. 

“Hands on the desk,” Lex ordered as he kept the gun pointed at Sid. 

“Come on, Big Rig,” Sid smiled, “I said like professionals. Besides, do you think I am going to kill you with your girl sitting in the next room?” 

Lex’s eyes squinted slightly but his expression did not change. He shrugged and said, “It’s a possibility, but that’s assuming that you get me before I get you, which is not going to happen.” 

“Fair enough,” Sid conceded, “You got the job by the way if you want it. Want to hear the details?” Lex nodded his head yes. Impressed with Sid’s direct approach. “Then put the damn gun down,” Sid instructed. Lex lowered his weapon, but kept the gun in his hand. “First, tell me the other vulnerabilities you saw.”

“I don’t work for free,” Lex replied, “Tell me about the job and compensation. I will discuss it with Teddy. Then I will give you a breakdown of your slip-shod security.” 

Sid sat back and smiled, “You don’t bullshit. I like that.”

“I find that it makes life simpler,” Lex responded. 

“Alright, here is a breakdown of the job. You are head of security for all business locations as well as the compound. You have complete discretion in terms of staffing and resources that you need. My only non-negotiables are Seggy and Burky. They may need some fine tuning, but I trust them,” Sid explained, “Compensation includes salary, housing and benefits.” 

“What’s the salary?” Lex quizzed.

“Name your price,” Sid answered without hesitation. Lex balked and Sid continued, “Look, I have a good gut instinct about you. You have already proven that you will stand your ground and you are not a yes man. That’s what I need.”

“I gotta talk it over with my lady,” Lex answered slowly, “Tell me about the crew.”

Outside in the great room, Teddy’s legs bounced up and down on the gray leather sofa as she  played with the bracelet on her wrist. She moved her fingers from stone to stone. Burky watched from the side of the room and ran his fingers through his hair before bringing his thumb to his mouth. He slowly chewed his fingernail while contemplating his next move. He knew had screwed up letting the Big Bird or whatever his name was into the office. He had been distracted by the red head when she entered the room wearing a navy blue sheath dress that hugged her curves. Women had always been his weakness.

Sid would come down hard on his stupidity if he didnt come with a plan to make up for it. “What were you thinking, dumbass?” he chastised himself. Suddenly he saw a glint that caught his eye. He focused on the origin of it and smiled widely. He knew what he needed to do. 

“Excuse me” he asked brightly and exaggerated his Swedish accent slightly,  “What did you say your name was?

Teddy looked over at him warily, “Teddy.” She wasn’t in the mood to make small talk. She was a bundle of nerves as the reality of the situation sank in. This could be her future - a future outside of Texas. It was a move that would hammer the final nail in the coffin of her relationship with her parents.

“Ahhh, Teddy is a man's name, correct?” he questioned “Your parents wanted a boy and not a girl?”

“Wow,” she said as her eyebrow raised slightly, “You get right to the point…..”

“Andre,” he grinned, “They call me Burky.” He studied her body language as he decided on his approach. “You look thirsty. We can go get a drink in the kitchen.” he said sweetly.

She studied his face for a moment. He seemed friendly enough, much friendlier than she thought a part of Sid Crosby’s crew should be. It couldn’t hurt to make conversation and learn a little bit more about the job from his perspective, she told herself. 

“Do you have coffee?” she smiled back, “I would love some.” She willingly followed along as he led them  into the spacious kitchen. They made small talk as they made their coffees. They reached over each other as they put their cream and sweeteners in their mugs. He spoke of his move from Sweden to the states to pursue a hockey career. Like Lex and Seggy, his professional career had been a bust. In his case, multiple injuries stymied his playing time and eventually earned him the label of ��fragile”. Teddy remained tight lipped when Burky pressed her information about Lex and his history.

It was only after they returned to the living room that Teddy felt like something was off. She dismissed the feeling as she looked at the closed door. “So Sid?” Teddy asked casually, “He's a good boss?”

Burky's head popped up, “Oh, he's great. He took me in off the street.” 

Suddenly, Teddy realized what was wrong. Her right wrist was bare. The wrist that normally held  a diamond tennis bracelet. It had been a sweet sixteen gift from her dead sister, Frankie. She looked down in the chair to see if it had slipped off there. It was nowhere to be seen. She distinctly remembered touching it earlier. She retraced her steps mentally and then kicked herself figuratively.

“So Andy?” she asked pointedly.

“Andre,” he corrected.

“Andre,” she smiled, “What do you do for Sid? I assume that you have some sort of specific role.”

Burky blinked slowly, unsure where the conversation was leading. He didn't want to bring any attention to his skill set. “Oh, I do all kinds of things.” he answered casually.

“Things like stealing bracelets from house guests?” Teddy leveled her gaze at the Swede.

“Bracelet?” he smiled, “What bracelet?”

“The one you took,” she answered calmly. 

“I didn't take a bracelet,” he replied in the same manner.

“We're going this route?” Teddy got up and walked toward him with a sense of purpose, “Give me the bracelet- no harm, no foul.”

“There is no harm, no foul because I don't have the bracelet. I don’t know what you are talking about,” he stood his ground.”

“Come on Burky, this could get really ugly or you can simply hand it back to me,” Teddy attempted to speak as sweetly as possible. When he didn’t respond, she felt the anger rise up in her. “Look, you have three seconds before I scream,” her voice rose slightly, “What do you think HE is going to do when he hears it? Do you think he is going to stop to ask you questions? If you are lucky, I will be able to explain the situation before he assumes something far worse. No, when I tell him that you took the bracelet, he will just turn you upside down and shake you down. Have you ever been shaken down by a Big Rig?  I would just give it back to me and save yourself the pain, but you do you booboo”.

In the office, Sid was mid-story when Lex held up his hand. Sid stopped talking and they listened.

“Let's be reasonable,” Burky cajoled.

She stepped closer and yelled, “Give it back.”

“or you will tell your giant, badass big bird of a boyfriend,” he scoffed, “For the last time, I didn’t take your damn….”

He was interrupted as Teddy grabbed his hand and twisted his arm behind his back. Then she pushed her foot to the back of his knee, bringing him down to his knees. “Give it back to me,” she screamed as she twisted his arm tighter. 

“Foz, everything okay out there,” Lex called  as he rose to his feet. 

“Yeah sure,” Teddy answered breezily as she pressed harder.

Burky heard the movement and assessed the situation. “It seemed like a good idea at the time,” he thought to himself as the pain began to shoot up his arm. He began to realize that his initial plan of stealing the bracelet to get back in Sid’s good graces had not been thought through to completion. One, he thought she wouldn’t notice, or at least until they left. Two, he forgot about the big guy. Three, it was a stupid ass plan altogether. 

“Alright, alright, alright,” he whined, “You have to get off of me.” She stood up slowly and adjusted her dress. Burky placed his forehead on the floor and took a deep breath in an effort to compose himself. Then he jumped up and smiled brightly. “Congratulations, Teddy,” he said with false bravado. He reached into his pocket and withdrew the five carat tennis bracelet. He placed it into his palm and presented it to her with great flourish. 

It was that moment that the door opened and duo walked into the room. 

“What’s going on?” Lex asked bruskly. 

Teddy tilted her head, “What do you mean?”

“We heard a ruckus,” Sid answered. 

Teddy and Burky exchanged a look. Teddy studied his face. His eyes implored her silently. She considered his misdeed. He tried to pull a fast one on her and failed. It was unlikely he would try it again. She tried to summon anger but he bat his puppy dog eyes at her and she smiled.

“A ruckus?” Burky repeated, “I didn’t hear a ruckus. Did you hear a ruckus, Teddy?”

“No, I didn’t hear anything, Andy,” she responded. She turned to the duo. “Can you describe the ruckus?” she added. 

Sid stifled his laughter. He wasn’t sure what exactly was happening, but he knew two things - Burky had screwed up again and Teddy was covering up for him. The Swede was the equivalent of a labrador puppy on his crew. He was simultaneously entertaining and endearing with his antics. However, he frequently left messes all over that required someone to clean it up.

 Lex pressed the issue slightly, “I am pretty sure I heard your voice, Teddy.“

Teddy smiled, “Oh that! My bracelet fell off. Andy here helped me find it. Didn’t you Andy?” 

Andre bit his tongue. He wanted to correct her but she was doing him a solid so he let it slide. “Yes, that must have been what you heard. Poor Teddy was quite flummoxed. You should really get that clasp checked. It’s very weak in my opinion.

Lex looked back and forth between the two. He was sure of one thing- something happened and Teddy would not tell him in front of Sid. Since she seemed to have the “situation” under control, he let it slide. 

“Are you almost done with your chat?” Teddy asked, desperate to end the stand-off. 

Sid smiled, “We’re just about done. Burky, take Teddy down to see the River cottage.” She tilted her head in confusion and he continued, “The job does come with either a housing allowance and/or use of one of the cottages on the compound. Why don’t you go take a look at it and see it will fit your needs?”

“Oh, that sounds like a fabulous idea,” she smiled. 

She held out her arm to signal Burky to lead the way. They were about ten yards outside the house before he spoke. “Why did you cover for me?” he asked. 

“Snitches get stitches,” she answered quickly.

“Not here,” he retorted immediately. She gave him a side eye. “Sid has very few rules, but rule number one is that there is no violence towards women or children. They're off limits.”

Teddy nodded her head in understanding, “So why did you steal my bracelet then?”

“Temporary insanity?” he laughed. When she did not return the laugh, he added, “I wanted to remind Sid that he needs me around for my special set of skills.” 

“Didn’t think that one one through, huh?” Teddy paused 

“Yeah,”  he sighed, “I am not the brains of the crew obviously..”

Teddy elbowed him, “Don’t worry Big Rig is smart enough for the both of you.” They stepped inside of the cozy three bedroom cottage. Teddy walked around from room to room and tried to keep her composure. It was a far cry from their cramped studio apartment. Mentally she started decorating it with their existing furniture. When she found the back door that led to a deck overlooking the Alleghany river, she was sold. 

Outside the cottage, Sid approached Burky with Lex. “Where’s Teddy?” Lex asked. Burky nodded his head to indicate that she was inside. They walked in and found her peacefully enjoying the view. She turned as she sensed their presence even though her eyes were closed. Sid’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. 

“Are you all done?” she asked brightly. 

Sid smiled, “I think that I may have him convinced to join the crew. I think that my only obstacle is you. Will the cottage work?” He was smart enough to know who the real decision maker would be.

Teddy glanced at her boyfriend then back to the river. She folded her arms across her chest. Then she replied with a smile, “The cottage is more than adequate.” Then she turned to Lex and asked, “Can you give Mr. Crosby and me a moment? I do have some questions for him.” 

His eyebrows shot up and he tilted his head, “Teddy, are you sure you want me to leave?”

‘Yes, it won’t take long. You should check out the shower to make sure that you fit,” she suggested. When he left, Sid and Teddy stood in silence for a moment. 

“Mr. Crosby,” she began, “Are there any of the other guys on the crew that have a wife or girlfriend?”

“No, you are the first,” he answered, “Truthfully, I thought you were going to be a dealbreaker for me when I saw you in the living room. Turns out that I was wrong.”

“How so?” she inquired. 

“You are much tougher than you appear,” he answered, “How hard did you take down Burky?”

Teddy’s mouth dropped before she smiled, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Come on, you can tell me,” he encouraged, “What did he do?”

“Promise me that he won’t be punished?” she asked point blank. Sid held up his fingers in a “Scouts Honor” gesture. She nodded in understanding. 

“Apparently in a fit of desperation, he lifted my bracelet from my wrist,” she answered. Sid immediately frowned and his jaw tensed. “Hey, he is part of your crew. You can’t be surprised.” Teddy walked towards the edge of the deck before turning back to face him. “Seriously, he didn’t think it through but there was no harm and no foul,” she said as she held out her bracelet. 

“Back to my question,” he quizzed.

“I took him down hard enough to get my message through,” she stared at him defiantly, “he won’t try it again - at least not with me.” 

Sid smiled, “You way tougher than I thought you were.”

“I used to not be tough, but Lex taught me,” she said out loud, “He turned me from a sheltered rich girl into someone with street smarts.”

“I’d love to hear how that happened,” he replied. 

“Story for another time,” she sighed. She steeled herself. Then she blurted out, “Mr. Crosby, what kind of business is this? I am not naive enough to believe that this is a completely legitimate operation, but I need to know just how far across the line will this job take Jamie?” She was careful to use his proper name. 

“Wow, you've got nerves of steel to ask me that,” Sid balked. 

For a moment, Teddy doubted herself but she pushed through it, “Lex,” she stopped herself, “I mean Jamie is more than capable to do whatever this job requires. I know that he has had to make ethically gray choices in the past.” She paused and considered shutting up but her protective nature spurred her on. “But he is a man of honor. He is not mean or malicious. I don’t want him to be  in a position where he would have to compromise his principles and character.” She took a deep breath, “I don't want to lose the man I love to a world of darkness.” 

Sid studied her for a moment. If there had been any doubt left about Oleksiak, she had removed it. Anyone who could inspire such gumption and loyalty was a person he wanted on his crew. Finally Sid spoke, “I won’t ask him to do that. I will not lie. We break the law on occasion.” She gave him a side eye. “Okay, we break the law a lot, but we do have a code that we follow.”

“Will he have to hurt people?” she asked brazenly.

“Yes, but nobody gets hurt that doesn’t deserve to be hurt,” he countered. 

“And women and children are off limits?” she asked to get confirmation of Burky’s remark.

“They are off limits and anyone who breaks that rule gets hurt,” Sid answered. 

“Well, then I think you have answered my questions,” she stated. 

“Good,” he smiled, “I’ll send Big Rig in so you can make your decision.”

Once Sid and Burky had left the cottage, Lex came back out to the deck. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and bent down to place his chin on her shoulder. “What are you thinking, Foz?” he asked quietly. 

“I am thinking that I want to know how the interview went. Do you like him? Does he like you? What does the job entail?” she leaned her body weight back and turned her head to face him. He took her hand and led her to the chaise lounge. He removed his jacket and got comfortable. Then he pulled her on top of his massive body. 

“Well, after the guns were put away, it went well,” he started. 

“Guns? What the hell, Lex!” she shouted. 

He smiled, “We sized each other up so to speak”

“And?” she asked. 

“And there is a reason that he is Sidney Fucking Crosby and runs all of Pennsylvania and half of NYC. He’s smart, shrewd and has balls of steel,” he answered. She rested her head on his chest as he went on to explain the job. She could hear the excitement in his voice. She could also hear how he was trying to tamper it down. He knew that she would allow his excitement to cloud her judgment and she knew that he knew it. 

“So did he offer you the job?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” he tried to answer casually. 

“What’s the hold up then?” she joked. 

“The money,” he answered. He continued when she squinted in confusion, “He said that I can name my price. Foz, I have no idea on what to ask for. This job is so far out of my league. I just don’t know.” His voice trailed off. 

“Hey,” she interjected, “This is not out of your league. He basically offered you a job on the spot for a reason. Don’t doubt yourself, Jamieson.” 

“Okay boss,” he tickled her side. 

Suddenly an idea hit and she dug out her phone. She started texting Steve, the former Secret Service agent, who headed her father’s security team. 

Teddy gulped when she read the last line. 

“What?” Lex asked as his eyes filled with tears. 

She handed the phone to Lex who read over the messages. “Daddio never changed the code,” she whispered, “so I could go back if I needed to.” 

“Foz,” he whispered, “If you want to stay in Dallas, we can stay in Dallas. I’ll find a way to make more money.” 

Her eyes flashed up at him, “You know I don’t give a shit about the money. It’s never been about the money.” He closed his eyes and rubbed his face. “Listen to me Jamieson Oleksiak. I chose you. I chose you and I will choose you over and over again,” she spoke urgently. “This is a fresh start for us and we’re not going to throw it away for a possibility,” she said firmly, “They made their choice and nothing in those texts changes that.” 

“But Foz, they’re your family,” he countered.

“No, you are my family. They threw me away when they couldn’t control me” she protested, “Would you throw me away?

He recoiled in horror, “Never.

 “It’s you and me forever.” she began reciting the familiar words. 

“No matter what” he joined in reciting their motto.

“Whatever it takes,” she finished. 

“So we have a decision made?” he smiled.

“Let’s move to Pittsburgh,” she answered. 

“Foz, I didn’t even ask about the cottage,” he realized, “Do you like it?”

“It needs a little TLC, but I like it,” she assured him, “Factor in redecorating in your salary request.” 

They spent a few more minutes in silence before he nudged them up. After a few minutes to take measurements, they strolled hand in hand back to the main house. Teddy started to find a seat in the living room as Lex went to find Sid. However, he kept a firm grip on her hand. Together they knocked on the door and entered the office together. 

“So what’s the verdict?” Sid asked.

“We’re in for the right price,” Lex answered. He took a deep breath, “500K should do it.”

“Okay,” the Canadian crime boss answered without pausing, “When can you start?”

“Wait,” Teddy interjected. Sid turned to her, “And a reno budget for the cottage.”

Sid blinked and then smiled, “Welcome to the family. Let’s go celebrate.” 

The crew sat in the private dining of Ciliegia, Sid’s preferred Italian restaurant. The usually all male crew felt invigorated by the presence of a woman. There was a sly game of one-up manship as they vied for Teddy’s attention. It had not taken them long to realize that the key to getting into the new boss’s good graces was getting into HER good graces. 

After much prodding from Sid, Teddy finally spilled the beans on Burky’s failed attempt to steal her bracelet. 

“I lifted it without you noticing,” Burky protested as he blushed, “At least give me credit for that.” 

“Yes, Andy,” she teased, “You did do that. Now what you were going to do with it once you had it, I have no idea.” 

“Andre… if you are not going to call me Burky, call me Andre,” he begged. 

“Why would I do that, Andy?” Teddy answered, “I think you should be glad that this is the only punishment I am going to dole out.” Lex watched with a bemused smile as the two bantered. 

Later, Sid asked the server to send his compliments to the chef for the delicious meal. They were surprised when the fiery redhead walked into the room. She wiped her hands on her apron as she approached Sid at the head of the table.  He stared at her, suddenly unable to speak. Startled glances were exchanged among the group before Lex spoke up to pass along the praise. The chef, Lizzie, nodded her head as she listened but her eyes were transfixed on the brunette Canadian. When she stumbled out of the room as she kept her gaze in his direction, Teddy and Lex shared a look.

As they walked out to go their separate ways, Sid nudged Lex, “I am pretty sure I just met my future wife.”

Lex stopped suddenly, “Don’t you think that you should know her name first?”

“I know her name,” Sid corrected, “It’s Mrs. Crosby.”

Lex laughed out loud, “Those redheads, I’ll tell you.” He glanced over at Teddy who was busy exchanging phone numbers, instagrams and snapchats with Seggy and Burky. “They’ll snatch your soul out of your body in an instant and never give it back,” he said with a smile. She turned to him and flashed a smile that melted his heart.

Lex pulled Teddy in a tight hug. “I lied earlier today, Foz” he whispered as he kissed the top of her head. 

“You did?” she looked up into his eyes, “about what?”

“I said that I am the only criminal in this relationship,” he smiled as he spoke, “That’s not true.”

“I’m a criminal now?” she playfully pouted, “Fine - I’ll get the suit cleaned and returned to Daddio’s closet. No harm, no foul.”

“I’m not talking about that, Foz,” he kissed her forehead. 

“Then how am I a criminal?” she poked his rock hard abs. 

“You stole my heart, just like a seasoned professional,” he bent down to kiss her gently, “Much better than the Swede.”

“Oh,” she returned his kiss, “In my defense, you stole mine first.” 

“Well, I am not giving it back,” he lifted her up to kiss her more deeply.

“Me either,” she wrapped her arms around his neck, “I am yours forever. No takeback and no exchanges.”

“I wouldn’t think of it,” he grinned as he carried her out to their waiting car, “I wouldn’t think of it.”

Chapter One-Trouble with a capital T-https://starshine-hockey-girl.tumblr.com/post/653360134099288064/trouble-with-a-capital-t-magical-mystery

[slashhinginghasher]

Dog Day Afternoon - Ghoap x reader

I've been binge-reading @ohbo-ohno's blog all day and just had to write a companion piece to their amazing story Don't Leave Me Locked In Your Heart.

No warnings, just fluff, but like, really really stupid fluff.

***

In a normal housing situation, you'd be baffled by how quickly your shampoo tended to disappear. You'd carefully measure how much you used each time, eye every roommate with suspicion when they emerged from the bathroom with wet hair. Maybe you'd even hide the bottle in your room between baths for safe-keeping, or fill an empty bottle with something gross to see who came out covered in a gunky mess.

But you didn't live in a normal housing situation, and you didn't have to wonder where all your shampoo was going because the thieving Scot who took it also made you wash his fucking hair with it. Every. Damn. Time. Sometimes even more than once.

"Can't have me gettin' split ends, bonnie," he said knowledgeably. "No' like Simon over there."

You didn't inform him that washing one's hair multiple times in the shower did not make the shampoo work better. You did not point out that he and Simon, being military, both cut their hair too short and too often for split ends. You didn't even accuse him of only knowing what split ends were because it was written on the shampoo bottle.

No, you kept your thoughts to yourself. Because while Johnny was apparently in possession of mad military skills - including manhandling, referring to Simon by his rank, and probably guns or something - they paled in comparison to his true talent: spouting an endless amount of bullshit at you until you accidentally said something sexual in return, and then taking that as an opening to be actually sexual.

Once, when you were fussing over a blemish forming on your nose, Johnny had sworn that you could contract flesh-eating bacteria and he'd still love you, holes and all. You had been physically incapable of stopping yourself from muttering that his love of your holes was what had gotten you into this situation in the first place. Johnny immediately got an evil gleam in his eye, and Simon had laughed. Out loud. Then they took you to bed for an entire day. Literally a full twenty-four hours. You hadn't been able to walk right for almost a week.

So yeah, you'd learned your lesson and you didn't goad Johnny, even when you had something spectacularly clever to say.

"Think you're a bloody show dog now, Johnny?" Simon rumbled. "Yappin' on about your hair like a damn poodle."

"A poodle!" Johnny shouted, affronted. "Am no fuckin' poodle, LT. Naw." He rubbed his hands together, warming up to the subject. "A german shepherd, maybe. Or a doberman. One a' those fuck-off big boys that makes you piss yerself a little when you get too close. What d'you think, hen?"

Oh, there were so many answers you could give to break this man's ego. Breeds they'd have to look up on google to feel the full impact of your devastating wit. But no, you had to stay strong. You pressed your lips into a tight line and maintained a dignified silence.

"Oi, I'm askin' ye a question."

"You ask me a lot of questions, and almost all of them are stupid."

Johnny looked positively offended.

"They are not stupid!"

"'If a guy was on the moon and he jumped hard enough in the right direction do you think he could launch himself back to earth?'" you quoted. "'Do we say things suit people because suits look good on you or is it called a suit because it suits you?' 'If unicorns were real do you think they'd let people ride them and if they did would you attach the reins to their mouth like a normal horse or would you tie 'em around the horn?'"

"All of which are important questions and not at all stupid!"

"Everything is stupid when you're asking it at 3 am, Johnny!"

Simon's eyes were bouncing between the two of you like a tennis match. He looked like he was having the time of his life (in Simon terms, which meant that one corner of his mouth was turned up in a microscopic smirk).

"I cannae help it that my deepest thoughts come late at night," Johnny said solemnly. "An' you're avoiding the most important question: what dog am I?"

"You're a mutt, Johnny," Simon said. "A scraggly little mutt that's gonna get muzzled if it doesn't learn to stop asking stupid questions when people are tryin' to sleep."

Johnny grinned. You weren't sure if he was the sort of person who could shrug off vitriol from anybody, or if he was so over the moon about Simon that he would preen under any kind of attention he got from him. And the last thing you wanted was to feel bad for either of your captors. But damn, the bigger man could be downright mean sometimes.

"Belgian malinois," you said.

"Come again?"

"Mouthy police dog that starts trembling if you order it to stay still for too long," you clarified.

"Sounds about right," Simon muttered.

Johnny cocked his head, mulling over this with extreme deliberation, before pointing at Simon.

"What about him?"

You considered Simon. Big, scary, unflappable Simon. "Shit your pants if you see him in a dark alley" Simon who could definitely rip your head off your body but also somehow gave the best hugs and turned into a pile of goo if you scratched his head right.

"Caucasian shepherd," you announced. "Also known as the Russian bear dog."

Simon nodded. You were pretty sure he had no idea what kind of dog that was and would have agreed with anything that sounded appropriately large or menacing enough.

"Aw fuck off!" Johnny cried. "How come I've gotta be the vibrating cop dog while he gets to be the fucking bear dog?"

"And that's what you get for askin' stupid questions, mutt."

Johnny huffed and pouted for a moment before turning back to you.

"And you, love? What kinda dog are you?"

"I'm a cat," you replied. "Obviously."

Your stomach dropped as that devious spark kindled in Johnny's eyes.

"Too true, kitty, too true," he purred. "Fancy a bit of a chase?"

How the fuck did he always manage to do that???

[missterious-figure]

I can’t stop thinking about your Wine and Feathers AU and how Lurker (my socially inept little shapeshifter that collects pronouns and genders like they collect random trinkets) would react…

even though Lurker is an adolescent, it would be easy for Xem to get in for one of three reasons;

1; she is so quiet, despite her legs being deer, and therefore having hooves

2; even if someone did notice him, what would they do? It’s a 99% greyscale (minus the mouth, still red there) half deer gender neutral thing - first reaction is ‘am I seeing that right?!’ Then ‘what did I drink/do?!’

3; if someone DID stop them initially, xey would simply turn into a small animal or something - shapeshifter perks lol

and then once inside, she would immediately notice ‘hey, everyone likes them because of feathers? I can have feathers!!!”

and immediately interact with the nearest of the brothers (BC pretty feathers) and then proceed to try to mimic the structure of their feathers on a small scale.

once he perfects it, then is like ‘now I have big pretty feathers too!’ And looks for attention (most likely from Y/N, they just have an aura to them and Lurker saw how they liked the brothers feathers) and is like ‘aren’t I a cute kid?? A cute kid you are physically incapable of telling the age of? Tell me I’m cute!!!”

Lurker has -3 clues of any and all social meanings, they just want affection and attention

I keep laughing to myself when I think of Lurker just clinging to Y/N with a greyscale feather tail only knowing big feather = Y/N positive and positive is needed( the tail looking very weird with their too thin and long human-like upper body, deer legs, and penny wise teeth - but so cute at the same time)

LMAO!! Y/n would be so thoroughly confused. So would the boys.

[siblingshuffle]

Any instance where Blues has gotten hurt really bad, needing to be treated by either Roll, Light, or Rock, who are concerned?

Thanks for the ask, Anon!

Despite his non-combative role, Blues has gotten hurt a couple of times. Not often to a “really bad” degree because he’s not often put in a position where he’s likely to get hurt, but it does happen sometimes by nature of being related to the city’s hero. That said, unless he is physically incapable of "just dealing with it", he probably wouldn’t let someone else fuss over him for very long (if at all).

I mean, I made him mentally 13 years old because that’s the first official “teen” year (which are traditionally marked by rebellion, searching for identity, and attempts to assert their own autonomy - so basically for thematic reasons) on top of his already fierce sense of independence and his introversion. He tries to do everything himself unless he literally can’t.

Here’s a short list of injuries (& health issues) that he has had to make his family worry:

The incident that led to the discovery of Blues’s defective core. His power output wasn’t stable, it fluctuated due to the imbalance in his core, and he lost power mid-demonstration (basically passing out), and on top of that he was still being attacked on his way down. Dr. Light panicked over that, given that his son was hurt and possibly dying and it was his fault. The guy was beating himself up even before he discovered Blues climbing out through the window. (Also fun fact: Dr. Light still hasn’t completely given up on the idea that maybe he can find a way to ensure that Blues can get a new core AND keep his personality, though Blues doesn't think that’ll happen in his lifetime.)

As mentioned here, he ended up kidnapped by Oil Man to be used as bait after being sent home (since he was low on charge, and that’s when he starts getting more frequent weird/painful sensations in his limbs), and I’m unsure how clear I was, but he did not get the chance to get a good charge before being taken to a second location. So, for that whole arc, he’s very grumpy, sleepy, and uncomfortable (and definitely took a lot of little spite-fueled mini-naps). Roll got super worried upon discovering his scarf and the ransom note, in part since it didn’t look like he actually made it inside of the lab. She has him chug an E-Tank immediately upon his rescue and she & Dr. Light make him take a long nap once he was back home (and he was actually very willing to comply with both requests. Let Blues Sleep 20XX).

Also not an injury, but Blues was not "Live Laugh Love"-ing in game 10. I’m not sure how much you are counting this, but he was sick for most of the game, and everyone was very concerned.

Similarly, though not as seriously, Rock got EXTREMELY worried and would not stop trying to help Blues the first time Blues got the aforementioned sensation in one of his limbs around him. (It’s Rock’s function to help, after all.) Like, Blues had to sit him down and say "It’s just a power fluctuation. My core does that sometimes because it doesn’t work right. I’m not dying. Well, not yet anyway." This likely doesn’t count, but I’m putting it out there anyway.

—————

As you can see, not a lot of dramatic injuries, again probably due to lack of proximity to as dangerous activities. I do like to think, though, that newly-activated Robot Masters have very young-child-like responses to things despite thinking like their programmed age (because they still have to learn about the world around them via experiences to fill in the gaps that data can’t cover). So, here’s a bonus based on the idea:

5. Blues (approximately 2 days old) fell out of a tree he was climbing at the park (he saw some human kids doing it the day before and thought it looked fun, but didn’t account for the fact that he was heavier than those kids and the tree he’d picked was a little less sturdy.) He didn’t make it very high up before a branch snapped. The fall didn’t actually hurt much, but he hadn’t been hurt before and ended up so startled that, because he was 2 days old, translated to crying (and, because he’s also 13 years old, trying to stop crying because 'it’s not that bad' and 'this is so embarrassing'). Cue First-Time-Parent Dr. Light frantically checking up on him while Blues is trying to convince him that he’s fine.