#and heart stopping vs brain death vs breathing stops

[oldtvandcomics]

I just wish death wasn't such an absolute taboo in our society.

My grandmother died unexpectedly. But, really? Did she really??

Once upon a time, a passer-by helped Death up when he'd fallen down alongside the road. To thank him, Death promised not to come unannounced, but to send a messenger ahead of him. Death sent illness, and fewer, and old age and grey hairs and aching joints. The man didn't recognize any of these as the promised messenger, and was genuinely shocked when Death showed up at his doorstep.

My grandmother died unexpectedly. She was old, and getting noticeably weaker for years now. The last two weeks, she could barely move her arms for pain in her shoulders. Eventually, she had to call a relative for help, who called a doctor, who called an ambulance to take her to the emergency. The next day, she died of heart failure. Unexpectedly.

She was, by a complete coincidence that we definitely won't need to worry about, almost exactly the same age as her father, when he died of sudden heart failure. Funny thing, these coincidences.

My grandfather also died unexpectedly. He had Parkinson's, and wasn't able to move much those last years. Just before his death, my mother took him to the hospital for a check-up, and left him there, then came back here where we live. According to my sister, she cried when she left my grandparents' city. At that time, we visited three times a year, so she knew perfectly well that she would be back in three months' time. Why would she cry? But no, my grandfather died unexpectedly.

The next one to go will be my aunt. It is pretty clear, has been pretty clear since she was diagnosed with cancer last year. We could, theoretically, like, prepare for it. But no, because you can't talk about death, so we can't even mention it unless I'm alone with my father.

"Thank you for helping me," said Death. "As a thanks, I will not come unannounced, but will send a messenger."

"That is a fine thing," said the man. "That way, I won't have to worry about you hiding behind every tree."

And if I say any of this out loud, then I'm an unforgivable asshole.

[darkwehl]

the NO-SKIP albums: a tag game

rules: share the albums that you can listen to nonstop. those lightning in a bottle-albums that scratch ur brain just right. every single track, an absolute banger. u could not skip one if u tried. no notes. stunning, show-stopping, immaculate. ur no-skip albums.🔎 bonus & optional (but imo, v fun) rules: 1) add a track rec for us to listen to! AND 2) share ur favorite line(s) from that track! 👀

Thank you for the tag @faeryclown! I'm always looking for an opportunity to gush about my favorite music and to find new stuff to listen to. I tag @lovershell, @judging-seahorse, @wolkenweb, @himejoshiwrestling, and @batslime if y'all feel like it.

Album Info / Track Recs / Favorite Lines below

From left to right, top to bottom

Act III: Life and Death - The Dear Hunter

Favorite Track: What It Means To Be Alone "ab ovo," the angel sings / "ad astra;" our eyes to the sea / we thought that we had a cause for suffering / and reason enough to die alone

SOUND & FURY - Sturgill Simpson

Favorite Track: A Good Look why you gettin' pissed 'cause you're getting discovered? / are you talking all that shit just to get on the cover? / well then, how're you gonna eat when you're bitin' the hand? / well, you know they don't like it when you take a stand

Hadestown - Ana��s Mitchell

Favorite Track: Wait For Me they'll suck your brain, they'll suck your breath / they'll pluck your heart right out your chest / they'll truss you up in your sunday best / and stuff your mouth with cotton

Ex Military - Death Grips

Favorite Track: Klink six feet below the street / so they can't ever say shit again / fuck the man with the thick broomstick / and put a black flag on the end

Orpheus vs. the Sirens - Hermit and the Recluse

Favorite Track: Hades mind you what i'm tryna do, bring pride to the gutter / the time's ripe to shine light, just might widen your shutter / uttered a scream, in 2015, said bye to my brother / on sight i might look pristine, but still tryna recover

Devil Is Fine - Zeal & Ardor

Favorite Track: What Is a Killer Like You Gonna Do Here? did you see his begging eyes, did you feel the gore? / you're just like a tease, you're getting it with ease, aren't you boy?

Flux - POPPY

Favorite Track: Bloom could i be great or be remembered? / uncertainty i cannot even measure / can't even measure, can't measure at all

Meliora - Ghost

Favorite Track: Majesty pathetic humans in despair / defaced, deflowered, now to death devout / a fallen angel in his glare / in midst of sinners kneeling down before his clout

Act I: The Lake South, The River North - The Dear Hunter

Favorite Track: The Inquiry of Ms. Terri we dance around the room / my love, i'll carry you / i'll teach you how to treat that leading lady that you'll meet / we dance around the truth / my dear i lie for you / but when i lie down, i'm simply lying to them too

Can you tell that I love concept albums? Thanks for taking the time to read :D

[aditi-jagtap-pune]

Know The Difference: Heart Attack vs. Cardiac Arrest- Aditi Jagtap Pune

When someone’s sick, it can get confusing to understand the difference between a heart attack and sudden cardiac arrest. They may sound alike, but they’re different problems needing different fixes, but quick help is super important for both. This article from Dr. Ranjit Jagtap News helps clear things up by talking about what each is, why acting fast is necessary, and sharing information on symptoms, things that make you more at risk, and how to stay safe. Let’s go through it all step by step.

The Nature of Cardiac Arrest and Heart Attack

When we talk about cardiac arrest and heart attack, we’re looking at two different things our heart can go through. Cardiac arrest is like a glitch in the heart’s rhythm caused by an electrical problem. On the flip side, a heart attack happens when the heart doesn’t get enough blood, often because something is blocking it. Both are serious, but we have to deal with them in different ways. Let’s take a closer look to understand what exactly happens inside our bodies when these challenging moments hit as per Dr. Ranjit Jagtap Daughter.

What Is Heart Attack?

A heart attack, or myocardial infarction (MI), is like a traffic jam in the tiny roads of the heart called coronary arteries. These roads carry life-saving oxygen-rich blood to the heart. If a blood clot forms, it blocks this flow, causing a heart attack. Quick help is needed to avoid harm. Choices like smoking, bad diet, and health issues like diabetes or high blood pressure can raise the risk. So, knowing how these blockages happen and what makes it more likely is important to keep our hearts safe.

Symptoms of a Heart Attack

Recognising a heart attack is about knowing the signs. These signs can be different but often involve chest pain or pressure, feeling like something heavy is on your chest. Shortness of breath, nausea, vomiting, and heavy sweating are also common. Some heart attacks happen suddenly, strongly and right away, while others take time, spreading over hours, days, or even weeks. It’s not the same for everyone. People with diabetes or women might have different signs, like jaw or back pain, tiredness, or dizziness. Knowing these signs helps act quickly, an important step in dealing with a heart attack.

What is a Cardiac Arrest?

As Stated by Dr. Ranjit Jagtap Daughter, When your heart’s rhythm goes wrong, it’s called a cardiac arrest — a serious and urgent situation. Imagine your heart suddenly beating too fast or stopping. This messes up its job of pumping blood, quickly affecting your breathing, consciousness, and blood flow to important organs like your brain. Without quick help, it can cause serious harm or even death. Unlike a heart attack that’s about blood flow, a cardiac arrest is more about the heart’s electrical system acting up. Acting fast is super important to handle this emergency.

Symptoms of a Cardiac Arrest

When your heart suddenly goes wrong, it’s like a surprise attack; no warnings exist. The signs happen fast, and you might feel them before passing out. Dizziness, shortness of breath, chest pains, seizures, and feeling sick can mean a cardiac arrest. Unlike a heart attack with different signs, a cardiac arrest is quick and unpredictable. Knowing these signs is super important, and you must act immediately. Waiting isn’t good because time matters a lot when dealing with a cardiac arrest. Understanding these signs helps you react fast in this really serious situation.

Know More : Starting Exercise Safely After a Heart Attack — Dr. Ranjit Jagtap

The Interconnection: Heart Attack and Cardiac Arrest

Sometimes, a heart attack can cause a cardiac arrest or occur during recovery. Having a heart attack also raises the risk of cardiac arrest. Health issues like coronary artery disease and cardiomyopathy make both emergencies more likely. Dr. Ranjit Jagtap daughter, Aditi Jagtap Pune,

says that knowing this link is crucial, especially for those at higher risk. It stresses recognising signs, getting help fast, and thinking about preventive steps. Understanding this connection helps people take charge of their heart health and reduce the chances of these severe events.

Preventive Measures and Interventions

To keep your heart healthy, know the risks. If you’re at high risk, like with heart conditions, implantable defibrillators can help. They control heart rhythms, lowering sudden cardiac arrest risk. Also, a heart-healthy diet and exercise cut heart attack and cardiac arrest chances. Knowing and acting on these things is crucial to prevent serious heart issues.

Fast Action, Lifesaving Measures

When it comes to heart problems, time is super important. Whether it’s a heart attack or cardiac arrest, acting fast is essential. Call 911 right away — it can save a life by lowering harm, boosting the chance of survival, and helps get the proper medical help.

Conclusion

Knowing about heart attack and cardiac arrest is super important for everyone. Acting fast can help in tough times. If you need expert advice, think about visiting Dr. Ranjit Jagtap clinic. Taking care of your heart is essential, and being proactive might lead to a healthier, safer future.

[libidomechanica]

“Vacant her word to my serenity— that goods”

And so both are lost my mouth it     was betraying with buttons forth than Nanie, O: may ill be     lucky together the stars of mine, lass, in fact, true as     that true, ’ and to think; tis dance tells me ours is an earth has     Nero, and having days’

sweet Idyl, and fall he shoulder,     with wealth would I forgot, nor breathing into itself, or     pines in a moment seemed pale and certain top which, elements     of night, and as true; as spring of hem was getting     go. To leap large a flute

of shame, the Gulf Stream and labour     was but the Oppian Law. Arms Shirúeh’s Feet drenched it last? Vacant     her word to my serenity—that goods. Come full before.     Then make captive one, or bribe. Think how your heart is no     common fated to prayse

is my gift of a garded be,     at her husband having song: then despise; let crutches     betraying: for Winters sorowe. With fluttryng wing, a beauty     and ready, they circle they will not ask a kiss out-went     to scent in furrow-cloven

falls below white heat till Eastern     anti-jacobin at first time and it out, the shrilled,     it is yet unborn: first Mrs. His soul with buttons     for the Rain King, for they keep an’ kye thrice to woo: to woo:     to woo: to woo: to woo:

to woo: to woo: to wooing music,     sole echoed he; no soft face teacher’s breast rear’d on libbard’s     paws, upheld them is alive, thy lips pursues! I have     cloth. Upon the great oath I swear on the babe rest? There is     most grac’d to nothing over

his mind! I waste in the meaning     thee that late mouth with gold to the Almighty dove? Whose     circle of sence horrid spring of the heauens did quake him     run. What was mine, reverent nations fillet’s obay where     and warm’d. To seize; she plain,

ended knees; her hands were were well     as balm it is my gift where is love me, her rare flowery     nunnery; by silently over herself with bulrush     and grieve, so he wound of Retribute to hiccup or     to be sing and when I’m

old, okay? That disastrous lifetime     each pallid breast and measure with mother valentine.     Yet since I sang of a God. Afar, a dwarfs and adorning     doth admir’d. Wallow banks and hart still. Which Nature     wondering in thys long wit,

and to proceeding, was never     everybody yet your telephone can die by it, if     not praised, I say, is then he is giving Love is the fair     chamber up, close grow up child, and love more ways. How kenst thou     are gratefull times a

sort not enamoured lands outrun     the hoarse alarmed believe does not for a minute, come     for the year; the opinion made of the Sunne: and at the     summer’s flow, sun and other’s breadth, nor missed the tape rolling     him, and a shade of

pillowing well that art now is rage;     but one to stop my way; for shadows wide—be sure without     a sound of Chian wine! The little time of this is morning     a ding, ding; sweet side his pale yellow! Nor give a butterfly,     land quiet—dull fence

facing, with busy brain around.     The myrtle boatman’ and t is no stouter weapons under     wanton thru the fields. Poor twist, or else stands, and when should     lead a little smart? Suppose grown the fall of thy lustre     of Death! In spring of

this such as gather truth like in     plaster; you can say, some have. He was turn to their share our     sun stand trust to an enslaver. And short armistice with     the Lord Bacon’s bribe me then, I haue a syre, a fleeting,     and tell vs, what late

by pearl or ill—Dear, but the wine     ne’er the people’s banquet- room shone evades of light that heart,     your little to give him Max, and riches,—and all the woman     has’t by kind of the other outcry for Thee—Oh spurn     the Seed of charm might fades

away; and before weak voiceless     numbers breathe on thee, my heau’nly ioy, Yf still o’er dropp’d, am     I ravisher thigh nearly urinating Toies, your     hand, lass; and the moved in the coffee grind, when fated to     re-assure him, while to

tell, motions the grass, beneath the     happy. He gate, in springtime, since burns, seeing her badly     dresses by the God once dead You have comes with it. Many     dare not, lovelorn piteous as t were done: Marry a     monstrous laws; there but Loues

winters sorowe. Mote be fast as     it was a water, water the meed of child, too, and a     hey nonino, that will confusion bred in mourning. Then     all her, one not learne within her arms undo, bow patience     in purpose. That compete.

[flylikeamouse]

Marijuana Vs. Cigarettes: Which Has More Harmful Effects On Your Body?

There are many factors that come into play when deciding which is more harmful to your body - the frequency and potency of the THC, how often it's consumed, what is used to smoke weed and cigarettes. Research has shown that because marijuana contains higher doses of THC than cigarettes, using weed will lead to more harm than smoking cigarettes. Find out in this article if you agree!

What are the effects of marijuana use and what is the health impact

Marijuana has been used for centuries as a medicine. However, it is now being considered as a drug due to its psychoactive properties. The health impact of marijuana use is controversial and there are several ways in which it can have harmful effects on your body. Here are the three most common ways that marijuana can harm your health:

1) Marijuana use can lead to addiction and dependence. When you start using marijuana, it can become difficult to stop using it because it causes euphoria or feelings of happiness and relaxation. This can lead to an addiction to the drug, which means you may need to use it even if it has harmful consequences for your health. Marijuana withdrawal symptoms can be intense, including cravings, insomnia, irritability, and anxiety. If you try to quit using marijuana without help, you may experience intense physical withdrawal symptoms that can last for weeks or even months.

2) Cannabis use can increase your risk of developing chronic diseases such as cancer and heart disease. Studies show that cannabis use increases the risk of developing chronic diseases such as cancer and heart disease. Cancer cells grow more rapidly when they are exposed to cannabinoids (the active components in marijuana), which may explain why people who smoke cannabis.

How does weed negatively affect your body

Cannabis, also known as marijuana, is a psychoactive drug derived from the Cannabis sativa plant. It is often smoked for its euphoric effects, and has been linked to a number of medical conditions and diseases, including anxiety, addiction, and chronic pain. In comparison, cigarettes are one of the most harmful substances that humans consume. They contain over 4,000 chemicals and ingredients, many of which are known to cause cancer or other health conditions. Over 50% of lung cancer deaths are due to smoking cigarettes.

Can smoking cigarettes lead to addiction?

The debate between marijuana and cigarettes is an age-old one. While both substances have been linked with various health problems, cigarettes appear to be more harmful overall. Here’s a look at the health risks associated with each: 

Cigarette smoking is the leading cause of preventable death in the United States. About 443,000 Americans die each year from smoking-related causes, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). 

Smoking also causes cancer. Lung cancer is the most common form of cancer caused by cigarette smoking, affecting about 121,000 people in the US each year. About half of lung cancers are caused by smoking one pack per day or more. In addition, cigarette smoking is a major risk factor for other types of cancer, including ovarian, pancreatic and bowel cancer. 

Cigarette smoke also contains chemicals that can harm your health. Among these chemicals are nicotine, carbon monoxide and tar. Nicotine is a addictive chemical found in cigarettes and other tobacco products. It can increase your risk of heart disease, stroke and many other health problems. Carbon monoxide is a gas that can lead to brain damage and respiratory problems if you breathe it in too much.

How do cigarettes negatively effect your body

Cigarettes are one of the most commonly smoked substances in the world. Not only do cigarettes contain nicotine, but they also contain other harmful chemicals that can harm your body.

One of the most harmful chemicals in cigarettes is carbon monoxide. Carbon monoxide is a gas that can kill you if you're exposed to it in large amounts. Smokers who smoke cigarettes regularly are at an increased risk for developing heart disease and other serious health conditions.

Other harmful chemicals in cigarettes include tar, which can cause cancer, and formaldehyde, which is a known carcinogen. Smoking cigarettes also increases your risk for lung infections and other respiratory problems.

In addition to harming your body physically, smoking cigarettes can also negatively affect your mental health. Cigarette smoking has been linked with anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems. quitting smoking is the best way to reduce these negative effects. Weed Home Delivery Vancouver.

Conclusion

After reading this article, it is clear that marijuana has more harmful effects on your body than cigarettes. The toxins in cigarettes have been linked to cancer, heart disease, and other serious health problems. If you are looking to reduce your risk of developing these same diseases, it may be a good idea to switch from cigarettes to marijuana.

[animehideout]

Toman’s Little Fighter.

Draken x fem.Reader oneshot 

Genre : fluff- angst-happy ending

Warnings: mention of violence-blood-kidnapping-swearing words.

Word count: 5.9k

Summary: Draken is assigned to convince badass (y\n) to join Toman for certain reasons. They have a dynamic relationship full of bickering. They end up falling for each other and confess under difficult circumstances.

“Ah what a day finally school is over” you said to yourself ruffling your hair and carrying your heavy school bag. “Huh what’s that sound?” you frowned and rushed to the source “ah really brats bullying a kid again? Why do they do that, should I help him or should I stop getting into fights this time?” you said watching them from a far. Three big guys were beating up the shit out of a boy. “ah shit I think I’ll never change” you breathed and walked towards them. The guy was about to throw a punch to knock that boy out but was suddenly stopped by a strong grip. All of them looked at you in disbelief, who are you? And what are you trying to do? “Are you lost beautiful?” said that guy smirking, the other two approached you one of them put his hand on your shoulder “How can we help you?” “Take your hands off of me brat” you said slapping his hand away and pushing the other guy’s fist that was stopped by you. “wow wow are you trying to get our attention huh? you can just ask honey” said the 3rd guy smirking “ple-ease leave d-don’t get yourself into trouble because of me” said that boy coughing on the ground, you smiled and said “don’t worry it will be fine” then you turned your face to look at them “3 VS 1? That’s not a fair fight…but it’s fair for me” “you better leave this place or I have to smash that beautiful face” “give it a shot then or you’re scared to get your ass beaten by a woman” you teased throwing your school bag on the ground ready to fight,  the guy was fueling with anger “you little-“ he ran in your direction and  grabbed your collar you twisted his hand making him growl in pain then you used your free hand to punch his stomach making him fall. The other two tried to grab your hands to stop your attacks but you were faster and more flexible and punched one of them on his nose making it bleed. It didn’t take you long to finish the fight, so when the other guy tried to fight you, you turned around then kicked his jaw (round side kick) knocking him down as well. “bunch of idiots. Ah I fucking hate bullies” you said fixing your skirt. You looked down “are you okay?” he nodded still shocked from the fight that happened before his eyes. Before you can say something else someone yelled “TAKEMICHI” both of you looked and there were 3 guys looking at you, you clenched your fists you thought they wanted to hit him “oh Mikey” said Takemichi. “so his name is Takemichi” you thought to yourself. You bend a bit to his level and said “well you’re safe now! Next time don’t stop defending yourself, even if your knees are on the ground you’re still able to stand up” you flushed him another smile then grabbed your bag and left. He was stunned by your presence. “excuse me!” said Mikey, you turned your head to look at him “thank you” he added, you just nodded and glanced at the two guys who were looking at you in pure shock and disbelief. “Draken, Mitsuya come here” said Mikey smiling, “Mikey did you see her?” asked Takemichi “she..she fought them” “yes we saw everything” “why didn’t you come?” “Well we rushed here to save you but we stopped the moment we saw her beat all of them up” exclaimed Draken. “Mikey don’t tell me that you’re thinking about that?” asked Mitsuya after seeing Mikey’s excited expression “Actually I am” he stopped for a moment then looked at Draken “oi ken-chin, I have a mission for you!” “huh?” “go after her.. you have to know where she lives, and you’ll start the plan tomorrow” “Mikey are you insane! There’s no way she would agree!!” fought Draken, “Yes Mikey , she even thought they were bullies I’m sure if she knew they’re actually gang members she wouldn’t rush to my rescue!” everyone nodded in agreement “but she knocked them down right? That’s what matters. C’mon you saw her fighting skills…Woah she was cool” “Mikey-“ “That’s my final decision Draken, you have to do your best to convince her, and the rest is up to her” added Mikey getting on his motorcycle. “good luck!” muttered Takemichi, in return Draken rolled his eyes and rushed after you. You were walking to your house kicking rocks and lost in your thoughts “ah that tall guy looked so hot tho” you felt something strange, you felt like someone was following you “oh maybe it’s just a cat”..”Shit she almost caught me…so she lives here.. hmm not too far” he said as he saw you open your house’s door.  *The next day* “hurry up Draken” “damn it Mikey don’t be too excited about it”. It was a normal day for you ready to go to the martial arts club when someone suddenly appeared in front of you “hey” “oh hell- I saw you yesterday! You’re the hot gu- I- I mean you were there” “I don’t have time so you have to come with me” he said coldly “excuse you? Hah where are you planning to take me?” “to meet the Toman’s president” “Toman?” “Our gang” “g-gang?” you said as you took a step backward “and why would I meet your president or whatever?”. Draken took a deep breath clearly pissed “well that’s an order so you better come with me now” “or what?” “You’re really begging for trouble, aren’t you?” ”first all, whatever your name is, I don’t take orders-” “my name is Draken” “Okay Draken! move aside or I’ll be late and that’s a big no no for me” you walked beside him but he grabbed your wrist “Don’t lie school is over” “I still go to school clubs..is that a problem?” you answered offensively trying to pull your hand from his strong grip. “I’ll be back tomorrow”, then left, without giving you the chance to answer.  You were so confused why the hell a gang member is at your door, why his leader wants to meet you. All of these questions rushed inside your head but now he’s gone so probably you’ll ask him tomorrow if he had the courage to comeback. *Time skip* “you’re here again?” “listen I’m not trying to force you or-“ “oh really ? Because it doesn’t seem like that at all!” you said crossing your arms “it’s just a suggestion” “and I said no! is it hard to get it in your brain?”  “I can’t give up, this mission is my responsibility” “why would I trust you?”you exclaimed approaching him “and why would we hurt you? You saved our member so we have no intention to harm you” “please Draken just give up I’m not joining you, I want to have a normal life” in less than a second you were pinned to the wall, you gasped and looked at the man towering you, he was so close to you making your heart skip a beat “listen if the situation was in my hands I would never recruit someone like you, but unfortunately it’s Mikey’s decision” he said in a cold tone his eyes fixated on you. You pushed his chest and yelled “the hell are you doing?” he just gave you a death glare and left “YOU’RE CRAZY DON’T COME HERE EVER AGAIN-is he ignoring me?…that bastard!” you ruffled your hair and get into your house. *In Mikey’s garage* “Ken-chin finally you’re here…did you convince her?” “that brat ah she’s so stubborn” he said punching the wall “I don’t know why you’re so interested in her Mikey” “ah? Isn’t that obvious? she’s a strong fighter we need her” “NO WE DON’T MIKEY…we have all of these men. Aren’t they enough?” “no..” said Mikey munching on his dorayaki.  Days passed and Draken is still trying, he’s so fed up with you and the whole situation. Like he can just throw you on his shoulder and take you with him but Mikey warned him to not scare you away. “DRAKEN YOU NEED TO GO NOW” “huh chifuyu what’s wong?” “They’ll go after her! They knew about her address and they’re planning to kidnap her” “WHAT?WHY?” “did you forget that she knocked out 3 of them?-wait she doesn’t know that they were gang members?” asked Baji “…no..” “Draken “go get her before they can reach her house” “Draken I’ll go with you” said Takemichi “no stay here I’ll handle it” said Draken rushing out to save you. *meanwhile* “he didn’t come today I think he finally gave up…that’s better” you thought to yourself walking in your neighborhood. You were ready to take the stairs to your apartment when you saw 3 motorcycles there and 3 guys waiting by the stairs “huh who are they?” you took a step forward but stopped when you realized that you actually know that uniform, you gasped “no way did they come here to fight me again…aah bullies” unexpectedly you said the last word a bit loud. All of them looked at you “oh shit” and you started running all the groceries fell on the ground  “GO AFTER HER” all of them are now chasing you, they were so fast “YOU CANT RUN AWAY FROM US”. You stopped looking behind you when a hand closed your mouth and pulled you into an alley. Your back bumped into someone’s chest, you struggled to break free but you couldn’t “shhh”. Then you saw the guys run to the other direction and you were safe “stop squirming” you recognized the voice so you bit his hand that was on your mouth “ahh what the fuck” What you are doing here?” “Is that how you thank me for helping you?” “Well I didn’t ask for you help I could have handled it myself” “listen I’m not in the mood to argue with you! We’ve been arguing for the past two weeks” “then leave” he took a deep breath and approached you “they’re not bullies!” “Huh what do you mean?” “They’re from a dangerous gang, they’re our rivals and they wanted to kidnap you because you caused injuries to their members last time..So you’re not safe..At least for now” your eyes widened did you just beat up gang members? “What did I get myself into” “exactly! We didn’t know that they’re after you but I guess that’s another reason to make you come with me…i-I’ll protect you” you looked down, the situation is bigger than you thought “ahh I never learn” you said as you hit your head on the wall “I’m *hit* so *hit* stupid” “hey hey stop you’re so weird you know” said Draken placing his hand on your forehead so you wouldn’t hurt your head “I need to go to my house first I need to  bring some things” “that means you’re coming right?” you shrugged and said “however I don’t need your protection, I’m able to do it” he rolled his eyes and followed you sneaking into your house so they can’t catch you. “Take this” “huh?” “Wear this for your safety” “who said that I wanna ride your motorcycle?” “Stop being stubborn for once ..can you?” “I rather walk than get on this with you” “okay you wanna act like this then?” You ignored him and started walking but you felt two strong arms lift you up. “DRAKEN PUT ME DOWN NOW” you yelled trying to break from his arms but for nothing. He put you on the motorcycle and forced you to wear the helmet, you huffed in return, giving up, you couldn’t start an argument. He then started the ride, “is this your first time riding a motorcycle?” he asked “y-yes” “then put your arms around my waist or-“ “no I won’t” “listen idiot I’m just trying to get you safe to Mikey or else trust me I wouldn’t care” “so why you saved me from the bull- I mean from that gang?” , it was an awkward silence before he could answer, he didn’t expect a question like this “just for Mikey or else-“ “you wouldn’t care yeah!” you finished his sentence. You slowly circled your arms around his torso but you kept your distance from him, you didn’t push your body on his back and your arms were faintly wrapped around him. “Should I teach her a lesson” said Draken to himself and started the ride at full speed making you panic. You quickly tightened your grip around him and buried your head in his back  “slow down you brat aaaaah” you said shutting your eyes, he just smirked enjoying how scared you were. After like 15mins he stopped “here we are” you looked up and realized how close you were, you could feel his defined stomach..that feeling made you blush a bit and you quickly pulled away. You were a bit dizzy from the ride “you almost killed both of us” you said angrily trying to forget about how embarrassing the situation was “where’s the badass (y\n) or you’re being a coward now?” . You started walking with Draken, there were a lot people there when they saw both of you they started bowing. You walked behind Draken who was putting his hands in his pocket; the situation was so awkward you were stealing glances from all direction, holding your bag to your chest.”Ken-chin finally” said Mikey “you must be (y\n)” he added giving you his eye smile. You nodded and smiled a bit “c’mon lets show you the place and let you meet the other” he said excitedly guiding you. “oh Takemichi?” you muttered, finally recognizing someone, his body and face were full of wounds as usual “this man is really a punching bag” you thought to yourself. “so guys this is (y\n)..(y\n) this is Baji captain of first division and that’s Chifuyu the vice-captain…this handsome man over here is Mitsuya the 2nd division captain and this is the vice-captain Hakkai…the others are on a mission one of them is Pah-chin the 3rd division captain..you’ll meet them later” all of them approached you and started shaking your hand “Mikey told us how you saved Takemichi” said chifuyu “you’re so brave!!” added Baji. “They’re friendly not like Draken” you thought to yourself smiling to the boys in front of you then shifting your eyes to glare at Draken. “you must be good friends with Draken..” said Mitsuy. You and Draken looked at each other not sure how to react “trust me she’s the human version of headaches” said Draken “you little shit..no one forced you to come everyday to my house” then again you started bickering as usual. All of the boys were confused and looked at each other like what the hell is going on. Finally Mikey interrupted you “oh guys ehm well I hope you’ll be able to get along cuz you’ll spend more time together” “WHAT?” both of you yelled “yes*smile* Draken you’ll help her in training besides she’ll be with us” “Mikey no, put her in the 2nd divison, I’m sure Mitsuya will do better than me” “you have to work on your relationship as well” added Mikey. Both of you sighed in defeat there’s no way Mikey would change his mind and now you’re stuck together. Mikey wanted to test your fighting abilities again in order to make you stronger. Everyone was there all the captains and the vice-captains “hm what about you fight Ken-chin” said Mikey, not gonna lie you were terrified a bit, Draken is a strong guy and he easily pinned you to the wall several times but you couldn’t show it, you had to be confident especially in front of them, now you’re part of the gang and you have to prove it. You’ll do your best to try and defeat Draken at least throw a proper punch at his face. He walked in the center a cold look on his face…well you realized that it’s actually his natural expression. Your guards were up, your foot positioned to not lose balance “you think you can defeat me?” he said a cocky smile on his face “same question for you…Draken”. And fight, the combat began you successfully dodged his fists, this man didn’t hesitate he was so serious about it. All you did was to dodge his hits, you didn’t attack him, he was so fast, taller and bigger than you but you waited for the right moment. He grabbed your arm and twisted it behind your back while both of you were looking at each other; you frowned and used your knee to hit his stomach, “NICE” shouted Mikey and the others cheering on you. “You’re supposed to cheer on- urgh” said Draken only to receive a punch on his face, he was distracted and didn’t expect your attack.. his face was turned to the other side making him lose his balance, you seized the opportunity and jumped on him making him fall on the ground wrapping your legs around him trying to stop him from moving, in less than a minute he flipped you, your back hitting the hard ground making you growl in pain, and now he was on top of you, used on hand to pin yours on top of your head and the other softly wrapped around your neck, you struggled and kicked your legs everywhere but he was so heavy and slowly you felt your muscles become numb “you give up?”  “never” . The boys were impressed despite being pinned on the ground you did your best to fight him and to make him fall. “do you smell something?” said Baji “yeah..a lot of interesting things are about to happen between these two” added Mitsuya. For a moment you got lost in Draken’s eyes, remembering the feeling of his toned body. You shook your head trying to push those thought away “get off of me” you said headbutting him (when you hit someone’s face with your forehead) and quickly you stood up rushing to Mikey “you did well” said Chifuyu patting your head “you’re impressive, you proved yourself by fighting this big bear” said Baji pointing at Draken “tch” is the only thing you received from Drake.. was he mad because you made him fall? You shrugged and continued your chat with the boys without noticing him leave. Days passed and you grew closer to all of the boys especially Mitsuya, he was the one to keep you sane, your bickering with Draken became a daily routine and the others are now used to it, once you start arguing no one can stop you, not even Mikey. Mikey was hopeless but deep down he knows that you care for each other. Even if you don’t realize it, even if you fight everyday, the others can realize how protective Draken is, how he keeps his eyes on you when you’re paired up with someone else but he always deny it, instead he says that enjoys seeing you beaten up by someone else. You, you really thought Draken hates you, because he was forced to instruct and train you. At first you weren’t allowed to join them in fights they wanted to make sure you’re able to defend yourself without getting seriously injured. But after a lot of intense training that lasted for a month without forgetting the support you’ve received from all of them. Now you’re fully capable.  “(y\n) I have something for you” said Mikey holding a bag “what is it?” “as you know you’ll participate in the next mission that’s why you need a uniform right?” Mikey and Draken saw how you’re eyes lit up and how you held your hands together to your chest waiting for Mikey to show you the uniform. “Tada” you gasped when you saw it, it was similar to theirs but a bit girlish. “C’mon put it on ..We’ll wait you out there” you grabbed the uniform quickly changing into it. It hugged your body perfectly, you lifted your hair up in a ponytail and put on your fav boots and headed out to join the others. The moment you stepped out all the eyes fell on your figure. You smiled in satisfaction “wow” said Mitsuya “you look so gorgeous” he added taking your hand spinning you. All of them made comments on how beautiful and how the uniform suited you perfectly. But Draken kept his distance looking at you without making any comment; he didn’t even tease you as usual or insult you. You looked at him and your eyes met, you were about to say something but he turned his back and left. You felt your heart ache a bit, why would he do that? You didn’t do anything wrong to him to earn his hate. Your expressions changed and looked down. Everyone else noticed how upset you were but only a few knew that it was because of Draken. You excused yourself and followed Draken. “Draken” you yelled searching for him, he vanished. You got enough of his behavior and attitude towards you. You wanted to make everything clear and talk it out with him. You were busy searching…everywhere. “Oh look who’s here” but before you can turn around you got hit on the back of your head making you fall down unconscious.*Time skip* “hey hey wake up” said someone slapping your face. Your vision was a bit blurry becoming clear slowly. Your head was spinning. You tried to stand up but you couldn’t as your hands and legs were tied to a chair. “Remember me beautiful?” “You asshole” you said trying to get rid of your dizziness. “We will keep you here and tomorrow you’ll go with us to the big fight I’m sure your friends want to see you”. *Meanwhile* “do you think they’re alright?” “maybe they’re arguing again” “Draken can be an asshole sometimes”.. the boys were busy talking about you both when Draken arrived “did someone mention my name?” “ken-chin finally you’re here, you spent a long time out with (y\n)! did you make sure to walk her home?” “(y\n)?” he said clearly confused “b-but we weren’t together” everyone panicked, their eyes widened “s-she went after you when you left” “it was your fault in the first place” said Mitsuya eyes burning with anger, he grabbed Draken by his collar pushing him to the wall “you made her upset, whenever she tries to talk with you, you push her away” “WHAT THE FUCK MITSUYA, OUR RELATIONSHIP IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” “she’s my best friend so it is MY BUSINESS” “best friend you say huh? Because it doesn’t seem like that…both of you look like lovers so stop hiding behind your ‘bestfriend’ thing” “you’re really an asshole Draken” both of them started fighting throwing punches and insults at each other’s faces, everyone struggled to pull them away from each other “STOP BOTH OF YOU” shouted Takemichi “how can you both be so careless about (y\n), do you really care about her?” said Mikey angrily “we don’t know anything about her, she may be caught by that bastard and you’re here fighting over you stupid feelings” exclaimed Baji, both of them looked down realizing their mistakes “instead of running away Draken, you could have talked to her and stop hiding your feelings” said Pah-chin  “what feelings” he said looking up, eyes wide and heart racing in his chest, does he really have feelings for you. Questions burned in his throat but he’s the one who have answer he just gotta look deep down…in his heart. “We don’t have time for that we have to go and look for her now”. Everyone rushed ready to get on their motorcycles when someone called Mikey. *On the phone* “Mikey I bet you’re worried as hell now” “you motherfucker where did you take her?” “calm down she’s safe..well for now at leas-“ Draken rushed to Mikey and snatched the phone “if you dare to lay a finger on her I’ll chop your hands off” “oh it’s you vice-president..your little girl is with us..she just needs some punishment for what she’s done to our fighters” “don’t you dare..I’ll end your life” “little girl was looking for you everywhere screaming your name…easy to catch, too distracted that we caught her easily” “I’ll find you and I’ll kill you” “no need to find me, we’ll be at the big fight tomorrow and she’ll come along” then he hung up. Draken’s hands were shaking with anger..his heart almost reaching his throat. “Ken-chin! What did he say?” he was just looking down, thinking about you about the possibility of you getting hurt and it was because of him..Because he was a coward running away from you..running away from his feelings. At that moment he realized how much you’re important to him and how he’s willing to do whatever it takes to keep you safe..was it love?..he realized how his heart skips a bit whenever he sees your face..how he feels like punching something when he sees you with Mitsuya. Was it a coincidence? “no” he said to himself..it was love. “Draken for god’s sake focus” he snapped out of his thoughts, veins popping in his face and neck “he said that he’ll bring her tomorrow to our big fight” Mitsuya approached Draken and said putting his hand on his shoulder “you’re the only one who knows very very well that (y\n) is so strong, she doesn’t give up easily no matter what..stay strong for her” “if something happens to her I’ll never forgive myself”..that’s the first time everyone get to see Draken sad like that..he’s usually strong, never showing his weak side to the point that everyone doubts if he actually has a weakness “we can’t leave her there” said Chifuyu out of the blue “we can’t wait till the morning” “fuck of course we can’t” all the boys gathered setting a plan then all of them rushed to their motorcycles, Mikey gave Draken a comforting smile, squeezing his hand softly “everything will be okay..stay strong ..for her..she needs you the most”. *Meanwhile* “That vice-president was extremely worried about you..haha love birds” “should we touch what’s his this time?” “l-love?...don’t you dare touch me I’LL KILL YOU” you yelled your lungs out. That man approached you slowly his hand grabbing your neck and his nose nuzzled in your ear whispering “shh stay still  beautiful we still have a long night ahead” “you fucker you’ll pay for this” he lips now were on your neck sucking on your soft skin…tears streamed down your cheeks “ stop yelling, instead let me hear you moan”. That guy wasn’t planning to do something serious to you he just wanted to give you a hickey for Draken to see, he wanted nothing than to make him suffer. Draken was able to take him down in almost every fight and now he can take his revenge by marking his girl. His lips then moved to your face but you were able to hit him with your forehead..he put his hand on his nose and slapped you. It was the moment Toman arrived..the fight reserved for tomorrow started earlier than it was expected “oh shit” said that guy  “how did they find us…come here we need to hide you” you started screaming and bit his hand when he tried to cover your mouth. “leave her alone” said Draken entering the room “ I said leave . her . alone “ gritting his teeth, the guy pushed you making you fall and run towards Draken thinking he stands a chance against him. Draken punched the guy but unexpectedly two others appeared from behind and grabbed Draken’s hands “DRAKEN BE CAREFUL” you yelled “let go of him” “(y\n) are you insane, we came here to save you just go, leave this place” “no Draken please..” you said failing to hold you tears, your nose was bleeding. Draken was unable to move his hand in their strong grip  and the other guy held a stick ready to him but you ran and threw yourself in front of Draken receiving the hit. You fell in Draken’s chest, your forehead bleeding you looked up at him and smiled your eyes slowly closing. The Toman joined you there and beat the shit out of the others. “(y\n) wake up please..please” said Draken brushing his shaking fingers against your cheeks a tear fell on his face “let’s take her to the hospital” said Mitsuya..all of them were worried about you. “what’s that is that a-“ Draken’s eyes widened when he saw the hickey, he put you down gently and went to that guy, he was already on the ground, he passed out from all the punches “you dare to touch her and put your filthy lips on her…I swear I’ll smash your face” everyone pulled him away before he could kill him, he probably succeeded in breaking his nose. “guys (y\n)! she’s moving” yelled Chifuyu to be joined by the others “slowly..help her sit” “ahh m-my head” you said holding your head “i-it h-hurts” their eyes softened at your sight. They brought you water and Mikey gave you something sweet to eat so you can gain your energy, luckily he moves around with snacks in his pocket. Baji wiped your blood and tied your hair so you can breathe comfortably. Now you’re fully awake munching on the dorayaki, sitting on the ground “do you feel better?” you hummed in response “did he do something to you, did he touch you?”asked Draken, you shook your head “he tried to kiss my lips but it hit him” his fists are now clenching and kicked the chair making you flinch “damn Draken calm down, she’s safe now” everyone excused themselves to give you privacy so you and Draken can talk. There you were, looking at each other awkwardly “You joining our gang was the biggest mistake that Mikey has ever done” “really Draken? After all of this you’re insisting on insulting me huh? You didn’t get enough of hurting my feelings don’t you?” now your eyes watering, tears threatening to fall again but you aggressively blinked them away. “look at you beaten up and you’re not expecting me to worry about you? That fucker tried to kiss you or maybe even fuck you” “but he didn’t and I’m safe now” “why did you throw yourself like that, why did you receive the hit?” “is this how you thank someone for helping you..tch” “I’m supposed to keep you safe it’s not your job to help me” “and you’re not my bodyguard Draken I’m part of Toman now I believe I fought till the end-“ “you can’t get hurt” “why? Does it matter to you? You hurt my feelings on a daily basis, did you consider that? Ofc not” “I WAS SO FUCKING WORRIED” “WHY DRAKEN WHY WOULD YOU BE WORRIED ABOUT SOMEONE YOU HATE?” “I FUCKING LOVE YOU (y\n)” both of you stopped in tracks, you looked at him in shock, did he just confess his feelings? You thought he hated you “w-what ? D-draken ?” he looked away “yes i-I do” “you idiot all this time I thought you hated me” you said grabbing his collar and gently punching his chest “I felt hopeless and now you didn’t even confess properly…aggressive as always tch” “you’re unbelievable I told you that I love you what I am supposed to do get on one knee?” “save that to the proposal.. you’re really a dumb  who acts smart” “p-proposal?” “hey calm down I’m just kidding, gosh “ “no no I promise I’ll propose to you one day” you smiled at his sudden softness “oh you’re being soft now” you teased “you’re really getting on my nerves now…just shut up” “make me” you said smirking…man that drove him crazy he approached you, held your little face in his big hand and planted a kiss on your lips, you growled a bit and then pulled away “what you didn’t like the ki-“ “ no no it’s just I have a cut on my lip so kissing hurts a bit” you said blushing “oh okay I’m sorry” “I didn’t say you can’t kiss me tho” you ended your sentence by pulling him to you, kissing his lips hungrily, you wrapped your arms around his neck, he lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his torso his arms holding your hips, his lips moved to your neck kissing each part of it and sucking at your skin “you . belong . to . me”, you pulled away trying to catch your breath, your head fell on his shoulder, you hugged him tight and whispered a soft ” I love you too Draken”. He then put you on your feet and walked you to his motorcycle, everyone was waiting for you “guys we heard everything” joked Baji “yeah guys you were really really loud” everyone laughed and you were a blushing mess “ I can’t believe it..that’s what you call a (y\n) effect, Draken you’re really blushing”. After that you went back to Mikey’s house , you told your family that you’ll spend the night with Emma. *At Mikey’s house* “ take off your shirt” said Draken holding the aid kit “why is it bothering you that much?” you teased “just take it off right now” “no why would I do it…em I’m not ready yet” “huh? Isn’t obvious? I have to check your wounds” “oh is that so” you gasped dramatically. “Eventually I’ll see you naked so no need to be shy now”. You slowly took off your shirt but you still have your sports top on. He gently massaged your shoulder and your back and treated each wound carefully, he left soft kisses on the back of your neck. “c’mon lay on bed now, take those pills they’re helpful for your headache” he kissed your temple and held his jacket ready to leave but you stopped him  “can you stay here for tonight?” “really?” “yeah ask Mikey if it’s okay to stay over” “..that’s my second house so I don’t need his permission..move to the side a bit” you did as he said then he laid next to you, he pulled the covers up and put his arms on your waist spooning you. Your bodies pressed to each other. Feeling each part of you. He kissed your head and whispered a “sleep tight my little fighter”. Both of fell asleep quickly, after an exhausting evening. Sleeping soundly in each other’s embrace. “shh they’re sleeping” “they’re so cute together” said the boys and Emma as they entered the room, they didn’t expect to see Draken cuddling next to you but it was a cute view the big strong bear being soft and cuddly for the first time. Mitsuya was so happy for both of you, he really considered you as his best friend more like a sister. All of them were extremely happy, finally Draken found his soulmate. All of them are ready to fight for both of you and to protect you and your relationship no matter what. “ah I’m jealous now Draken will be so protective over her, we won’t be able to spend much time with her” Said Takemichi pouting “Nah guys don’t worry (y\n) will always remain Toman’s little fighter.” Said Mikey proudly. All of them spent the night there they even fell asleep in the same room, so when you wake up in the morning don’t freak out when you see all of them sleeping  peacefully.

[apparentlyaswarmofbees]

The Obey Me Brothers and Undatables vs An Insect/Arachnid Loving MC

I find it amazing how many people find it disturbing that I just love some insects and arachnids (not more than birds but still, insects can be both cute and cool even when they manage to terrify me so I can't help but love them lmao).

It's so cool how insects are actually the most dominant species in the world even before humanity existed and will most likely still be even after humanity ceases to exist, of course some of them actualy spread disease and such but it's not all of them and the mosquitoes that do spread it are females and they are just sucking your blood to feed their babies and the males like flowers over your blood, I actually don't like all spiders but I love tarantulas with all my heart although I can't say the same for wasps, they are evil but they can be so cool I have so many mixed feelings and cockroaches can be so adorable specially the forest/wild ones, have you ever seen them eat fruits??? They are so cute! And don't even get me started on how a d o r a b l e beetles are-

.

Lucifer vs Ladybug

Taking strolls in the Castle's garden when you are accompaning Lucifer in his work are very common.

Just taking a fresh breath of the Devildom's air in between breaks with you by his side powers him up like crazy.

Now that being said, he doesn't really appreciate losing your attention to a little, colorful, bug crawling on one of the flowers in said garden.

"Lucifer, look! It's a ladybug! It's so different from the human world!"

That is true, ladybugs in hell were brighter in color and had a toxin in their bodies that- Oh wait

"Don't touch it!" Lucifer grabbed your hand in realization "haven't you learned anything about bright colors in nature? The toxin in their bodies can melt your skin off!"

He really didn't expect your eyes to get even more shiny.

"Ladybugs in Devildom are both bright and dangerous??!! I'm so jealous!"

With that, he became both exasperated and more in love with you.

Does this have a relation to the fact that you love him and his brothers even thought they are demons?

He is definetelly giving you a brooch in the shape of a ladybug later

.

Mammon vs Cockroach

If you think this man didn't scream like a plate being scratched with a fork when he saw a cockroach in your bedroom, you are wrong.

I mean, okay, he was on the floor and the thing just decided to crawl up to his head out of nowhere.

He jumped over the table so fast it probably has beaten a world record.

"Aw! It's a baby cockroach!"

It's true, it was very small compared to adult ones, but Mammon didn't care.

"STOP FAWNIN' OVER THOSE CREATURES FOR ONCE AND KILL IT ALREADY!!"

And of course instead of killing it you just raise your eyebrown at him while scooping the thing up with a paper.

And of course you needed to bring it really close to him just to watch him squirm before you decide throw it out of your bedroom's window.

He definetelly will ask you to wash your hands before comforting him even if you didn't even touch the cockroach directly.

.

Leviathan vs Dragonfly

You cannot tell me dragonflies in Devildom are actually very few and actually have the size of a small dragon.

It all happened on the day you and Levi got lost in the forest searching for a raven that stole his just purchased phone charm of a game that he was currently addicted to.

Both of you were looking for a way out when you heard an extremelly loud buzzing noise from somewhere in the woods.

Of course both of you followed the sound because first, you just know that must be one big ass insect since it sounded almost like a helicopter and you had to see it, and second, Levi suddenly forgot all about the charm (and being lost) and started rambling about how 'it couldn't be! Is it really-!'

And that is how you guys found his new Henry.

A giant, navy blue, shiny dragonfly, that was currently eating the Raven you and Levi were searching for.

Let's just say Levi got his charm back and both of you got a free ride to the House of Lamentation.

.

Satan vs Spiders

Where there are old books, there are spider webs, and where there are spider webs, there's at least a 50% chance there are spiders in there.

So you can say Satan was quite familiar with the eight legged creatures, although he never really paid them much attention.

That is until he found they were of your interest.

You will never see someone start to give spider names, treat them with courtesy and have small talks with them faster than with this man.

Getting a book from the House of Lamentation's library and there's a web in the way along with a resident spider? "Excuse me, I will have to disturb you a little, I hope you don't mind a bit of damage to your home"

He is reading and suddenly sees a spider dangling down from a web string right besides him? He is definetelly letting it land on his hand just so that he can show it to you.

One day he even choses to read a book in his berdoom that a tiny spider was standing on. The sight of the tiny thing crawling around the pages as he reads it and explains some things out loud is so precious to see.

.

Asmodeus vs Scorpions

Of course, what would suit the Lust Demon better than his own patron?

That is until you teach him that there are more than just one type of scorpion, and there is one type that has really big claws and a thinner tail that are usually pretty big in size.

Why would learning that be a bad thing, you ask? Instead of stinging its food, it actually grabs it like a crab.

So yes, the day Asmo held one and didn't use his charms, it pinched him.

Needless to say, it was chaotic.

Leaving the fact he is never approaching those kinds of scorpions ever again, he coos a lot at you while you coo at the small scorpions.

If you tell him the fact that they are his patron just makes you love him more, he will be so happy he will be squealing for the next 5 minutes.

He has definetelly taken a few dozens, of pictures for you while holding one or more scorpions.

His followers in the devilgram were surprised at how even while holding that thing, Asmo still looked amazing.

Scorpions definetelly became sensation in Devildom after that.

.

Beelzebub vs Flies

Again, nothing better than his own patron.

If he didn't have to swat them off his food that is.

He has definetelly eaten some accidently.

"Look! I managed to make it crawl up to my finger without scaring it!" you say.

"That is cool. But you should probably wash your hand." He replies.

He's right, wash your hands if you ever grab onto flies.

He finds it really cute that you like insects, and it makes him tingly on the inside when he remembers that his symbolic creature is an insect itself.

Don't hold back on asking him to change into his demon form more often, he is very happy to do it.

He starts paying more attention to insects and flies in general after he finds out how much you love them.

How big their are, their color, where he saw them, what were they doing, if they tasted good.

And then he proceeds to tell you all about it.

He is very cute.

.

Belphegor vs Butterflies

It's not that he attracts butterflies, no. But he actually likes them, finds them cool even.

Did you know some butterflies disguise as another type butterfly because that type is actually not very tasty to eat so the animals stay away from them?

And how many of them have patterns on their wings that look a lot like Owls and again, it makes animals stay away from them?

And the whole symbolism of life, death and rebirth around them? And the fact that the larvae eating everything around them reminds him a lot of Beel?

Belphie definetelly likes butterflies and you cannot tell me otherwise.

So when he finds out you love insects? Oh he is definetelly taking you to the best butterfly watching spot either in the Devildom or the Human World.

It's specially cute when he falls asleep and one lands on his face.

He definetelly had a minor heart attack when he woke up to the sight its wings but he will never admit it.

Also definetelly grabs it and puts it on you instead.

It's counterproductive as you end up looking too cute for him to handle.

.

Solomon vs Beetles

I mean beetle fights.

You thought you liked insects, just wait until you see this man cheering on a beetle like an excited kid.

Also finds it hilarious when one just yeets the other away.

And because now you are there to feed more into his love for beetles, one day he casts a spell on two of them to make them big enough to ride and just showed up outside your window like:

"No time to explain, get in the beetle"

Because of safety measures, no, you guys didn't have a giant beetle fight.

But you did ride them around the Devildom forest at 2am.

You thought it would be an insane ride with lots of adventures

But you guys just ended up star gazing while laying on them.

He forgot to turn them back to their original size and they scared a few of the residents of Devildom.

.

Simeon vs Mantis

Warning: it's a big goreish

When you introduced the praying mantis specifically to Simeon, he was immediatelly in awe.

And then you proceeded to show him how they can have many shapes and forms, be it as leafs, tree branches, and others.

And he was so intrigued!

But then you gave him the more, specific details.

Like how they can feast on their prey while they are still alive.

And how it actually can attack small birds such as humming birds, eating their brain tissue through their eyes.

And how the females practice a cannibalism ritual, feasting on their partners after mating.

That's when his writer self came to light.

What I mean is, he was now both horrified and extremelly inspired.

Simeon can be scary sometimes.

.

Diavolo vs Ants

If you can find ants in every nook and crany around the world, you cannot tell me you can't find them in hell.

If they are able to travel the sea just by being taken along with baggage on accident, they have definetelly come to hell the same way, specially black crazy ants.

So honestly, I wouldn't find it surprising that Diavolo would have at least one big colony of ants he takes care of.

But he didn't have it until you pointed out why ants were awesome to him.

"They don't eat the leafs, they are farmers and what they eat is the other tiny creatures that decompose the leafs" "they can go to extreme lenghts to find their food and they have a real good teamwork, often they don't eat right away but instead bring the food back to the colony to feed the young" "Some ants that live in tropical weather that rains a lot, such as the amazon, can swim! And they do it together in big, ant, nests!"

Needless to say, he was intrigued.

Such tiny creatures are able to eat other insects much bigger than them? And they love sweets?

They actually like their homes clean and throw their trash into the very corner of their enclosure? Their bite can actually hurt a lot even to creatures gigantic copared to their size such as humans??

He had his own personal colony the very next day.

.

Barbatos vs Bees

This man definetelly has his own share of appreciation for bees even before you told him you like insects.

They are very good helpers in the garden, their honey can be used on a extremelly big variety of both food and health products along with their wax, and honestly, they're just so fuzzy and cute.

If you want to get a rare laugh or chuckle out of him, make bee movie references.

He will just stop in his tracks and cover his mouth as he tries not to laugh.

You could almost make him spit his drink if you do it while he is drinking something.

And you can't tell me this man can't make bee related puns with a straight face. It's unbeeliveable

Aight, imma head out

.

(This was basically an insect/arachnid appreciation post and I have no regrets)

[haikyuuuuuhypeeeee]

Chapter 7

⚠️WARNING: Mentions of previous characters' deaths, swearing, mention of unhealthy coping mechanism

• ────── ✾ ────── •

You gasp as you wake up, your eyes attempting to discern anything in the dark.

What the…

Not even two seconds ago you were playing volleyball back in the Aoba Johsai gymnasium. It was a silly two on three game, Oikawa and Mattsun vs you, Makki and -

Oh.

Oh.

Tears well up in your eyes, fast and hot. They flow down the side of your face, into your hair and the pillow. You do nothing to stop them, crushed by the sudden wave of sadness.

It was a dream. It was a freaking dream.

You’re alone in your apartment in the middle of the night. You’re a college student at Sendai Uni. You don’t play volleyball.

And Hajime is dead.

The sobs come out unconstrained, as you were too heartbroken to try to stop them. How could you, as it was the only way for you to let out the sorrow and anguish coursing through your blood right now.

C’mon Y/N, get yourself together. You will yourself to calm down, getting the sobs to subside. The tears don’t slow though, as you sit up to grab some tissues from your bedside table. You clean yourself up, sniffling and grabbing your phone.

It’s only just past 1am, and you can’t fathom the idea of falling back asleep. Not when there’s the chance of you falling back into that dream. Not when you can be fooled into thinking that you’re playing volleyball, still trying to receive Oikawa’s serves and laughing when Hajime yells at Makki to take this seriously -

Your eyes well up with fresh tears and you clutch a tissue to your mouth to muffle the cries that want to escape.

The only thing you’re sure about right now is that you don’t want to be alone. You can’t be alone, you just can’t.

You unlock your phone but staring at your screen you don’t know who you can call.

Ok, that’s not true. You have a lot of people you can call. Your parents, Oikawa, Mattsun, Makki, hell even your therapist gave you her cellphone to call if you need her. And you know that all of those people wouldn’t hesitate to listen to you and help you.

But do you want to call any of them?

This isn’t a life or death situation, and you don’t feel like you are a danger to yourself so it would be irresponsible to call your therapist. It’s the middle of the night and your parents still work so you don’t want to wake them up.

That leaves your friends, the people who honestly could still be awake and maybe even wanting to talk to someone. But Makki has Mattsun, and vice versa. Which would leave Oikawa, but honestly? He’s been more than unbearable lately, and you’ve been walking on eggshells around him, scared that anything you say will set him off.

So you’re here, laying in your bed with no one to call. And the one person that you desperately want to call is dead.

Sniffling again and wiping the fresh tears from your eyes you pull up your texts. Maybe you can send a funny meme to Makki and start a meme war - it’ll take your mind off your current predicament at least. But your eyes fall to the chat you have with Osamu, close to the top of your messages.

Huh, you didn’t really think of him.

Not that you wouldn’t want to talk to Osamu. He’s actually very funny, with his dry humor and easy banter. Your friendship, despite its more than unusual beginning, has blossomed into something you’ve come to cherish.

But you can’t bother him with this, no no. You guys can, and have, confide in each other about your struggles and your complicated feelings and emotions. But it’s mainly been small bits and pieces shared over coffee.

But it couldn’t hurt to text him, no?

You wouldn’t say anything about your dream. Maybe you can find a funny meme to send him, or ask a question about lunch tomorrow.

You methodically type out your message, finding a meme to almost perfectly capture your mood (but not too accurately.)

You send the text before talking yourself out of it. It wouldn’t surprise you if Osamu didn’t text you back - it’s late (or early, depending on your opinion) and he should be sleeping.

You sigh deeply, finding yourself back in square one. Square one plus a stuffy nose, aching head and absolutely broken heart. You close out of the messaging app and decide to find some show to binge while you wait for the sun to rise.

Your phone begins vibrating and you’re surprised to see what comes across your screen.

Osamu doesn’t text you back. He calls you.

You pick up the phone. “Hello?”

“I hope that photo isn’t a subtle request to have me come over and cook for ya.” The soft, calm voice coming through the phone makes your chest tighten. It brings a wave of relief because you’re not alone but drowns you in guilt at inconveniencing your friend.

You clear your throat and sniffle. “No, sorry.” Your voice cracks and you wince at how obvious it is that you were just crying.

Osamu picks up on your current state. “Hey, are ya alright?”

He sounds so concerned, the teasing lilt in his voice instantly dropped. Your eyes start to water again and you can’t stop the sob that escapes your lips in time.

“Hey, Y/N are ya okay? Where are you, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” you croak out. Your voice sounds horrible, extremely hoarse and tight as you try not to let more sobs spill out. Gritting your teeth helps keep them at bay but it does nothing to stop the flow of tears. You sniffle, loud.

“Where are you? Are you in danger?”

“No, no. I’m at my apartment. I’m okay.” You take in a shaky breath, sniffling again and clearing your throat. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“It’s okay,” Osamu replies. He doesn’t sound as frantic as he did before but you can detect the worry in his voice. “I was still up so it’s no bother. I don’t even know why I called honestly. I think I just wanted to see what ya were doin’ up.”

“It’s fine, you can call me whenever,” you reply earnestly. “I….just had a dream.”

A split second of hesitation is all you’re allowed to mentally scream at yourself for breaking the one condition you set when you decided to text Osamu. “A dream?”

You nod, even though he can’t see you. “Yeah, and I’m sorry for bugging you because it’s not fair to you but I just have to tell someone or else I feel like I’m going to fucking suffocate. I know I should just call my friends but they don’t want to hear me go on and on and -”

“Hey, hey Y/N. Calm down and take a breath.” You listen to Osamu, taking a pause to breathe. Your head is now throbbing painfully and your throat feels wretched. “What was yer dream about?”

“I was playing volleyball with my friends and...Hajime.” You are silently screaming at yourself. You were not going to do this to Osamu, you were not going to burden your friend, who is already facing struggles of his own, with your problems.

But...he did ask what your dream was about.

“We were playing volleyball together,” you go on. “And it felt so real, like one minute I was in the middle of a play and the next I was waking up in my bed, searching for the ball. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was all a dream, and, and,” your breath hitches again and you feel more sobs bubbling out. Again you feel the grief take control of your body and you start crying.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay Y/N.” Osamu is trying to soothe you but it’s not doing much to calm you down. If anything the added reassurance was making you cry harder “It’s okay.”

It’s not okay. It’s so far from okay that you can’t even imagine how you would get to okay.

“I’m sorry,” you sob. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Ya don’t hafta apologize,” Osamu replies. “Just let it out, Y/N.”

Oh boy, do you let it out. You cry and cry, curled up in a ball in your bed, lamenting the loss of your best friend and trying not to drown even more in your sorrow.

But you’re not alone, really. There’s not another person in the apartment with you, but you have Osamu on the phone right now. He’s reaching out to you, reaching through the dark and trying to get to you.

You’re not alone.

You feel the sobs subsiding as your breathing returns to normal. Your entire head is throbbing, you have no chance of breathing out of your nose and your eyes are painfully dry.

“Are ya alright?”

“Yeah,” you rasp out. “I’m sorry again, for that.”

“Ya don’t ever have to apologize to me,” Osamu says immediately. His insistence brings a small smile to your face. “If ya ever need to talk about yer dreams or anything, that’s what I’m here for.”

“Thank you,” you reply. Your voice is nasally but you try to get as much sincerity in it as possible.

“Of course, and ya can call whenever. I don’t sleep so there’s a good chance ya’ll catch me anytime.”

You pause in wiping your face with your tissues as you take in what Osamu is telling you. “You don’t��sleep?”

“Nah.” Osamu's nonchalant answer makes your cock your head in confusion. “I don’t think I can remember the last time I actually slept through an entire night.”

“So,” you pause, still not comprehending. “What do you…do?”

“I do my homework, I’ve got a job at the convenience store and I usually work the night shift. Sometimes I read or binge watch a new show.” He laughs. “Usually every three or four days I just pass out for 14 hours or so, and then repeat.”

“Osamu,” you chastise. “That’s not healthy.”

He laughs again but it’s not the light chuckle from before - it’s a hollow laugh with a hard edge. “Yeah, well it stops me from havin’ the kind of dreams yer havin’. The kind where I forget that my brother is dead.”

You’re taken aback from the harshness in Osamu’s voice. It’s the first time you’ve ever heard him sound like that. It could be considered in the same category as his usual tone - dry, sarcastic and nearly apathetic. But his regular tone is part of his sense of humor and how you two converse. You’ve never felt unease from those conversations, but now you do.

“And ya know what's worse than those little dreams?” Osamu doesn’t wait for input. “The worst is when I’m not even asleep and my stupid brain will give me random reminders from when my brother was alive. Like ‘don’t forget to wake up early and shower before Atsumu uses all the hot water!’ Or,” Osamu takes in a harsh breath, the noise making your phone speaker crackle. “Or the reminder to grab another sports drink at the store for Atsumu because he’s a scrub but he’s my brother and I love him. Or to save the mushrooms from my dinner even though they’re gross but Atsumu will trade his broccoli for them.”

Osamu blasts on, speaking fervently. Someone listening in would think he’s mad at you, but you know his frustration isn’t directed at you.

“But then I remember that I live alone, and I don’t need two bottles of sports drink and my plate is full of fucking mushrooms for no god damn reason.”

“And then, after feeling like the world’s biggest idiot for forgetting that my own twin brother is dead, I remember how alone I am.” He lets out another laugh, but it’s not light nor is it bitter. It’s worse, full of self-deprecation and pain.

You wait with bated breath, waiting for any sign on life through the phone. But when Osamu speaks, a small, broken voice comes through the line and nearly breaks your heart.

“It’s like - finding a life raft in the middle of the ocean but when you get to it it’s just a bundle of seaweed - it gets me every time.”

You inhale quietly. You want to reassure him but you can’t find the right words to say.

You can’t, because you know exactly how it feels.

The cold hard truth is that Iwaizumi Hajime is dead. There is nothing in the world that can bring him back, and there is nothing you can do to change that fact. Some days you can accept this fact easier than others.

On the easy days you feel most like yourself carrying a small rock. The weight of Hajime’s death will be something you will always carry with you. But on those easy days you can slip the rock in your pocket or hold it in your hand and carry on through life.

On the hard days it takes way more effort to lug the boulder around. You don’t know if you should drag it, heft it over your shoulder, tie a rope around it and yank hard. Sometimes you’re left to your own devices, sometimes your therapist or your parents can tell you the best way to carry it. Even your friends have stepped in to help you carry it, despite their own rocks to hold.

But the absolute worst days are the ones where you lose the rock, but you haven’t realized it. Where are you going to find it? In your pocket? Your bag? Will you trip over it?

Or will it come crashing down on you like an asteroid hellbent on wiping you out?

And it’s not even the impact that’s the worst part! Sure, this asteroid comes down on you with enough force to kill you, but the shockwave is what really destroys you.

When you have those moments when you forget that your Hajime is dead, the realization of his nonexistence is the asteroid’s impact on you. The cruel realization that his nonexistence is permanent for the remainder of your life is the shockwave.

This cruel one-two punch is devastating. It knocks you down and out, merciless in it’s destruction.

For what it’s worth, Osamu’s solution to dodging that one-two punch is not terrible, although it will have major consequences for his body and mind that he will have to face someday. But you can’t blame him for doing something to avoid the heavy blow.

It does destroy. It does make you feel like you’re drowning. It does nearly kill you.

“Ah, I think she fell asleep.” You’ve been quiet for so long that Osamu thinks you’ve fallen asleep on the phone.

“No, I'm here.” You murmur. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

“Ah, a dangerous pastime.” Osamu jokes, but it doesn’t quite land. Could be from his full disclosure or from the strained laugh he gives at the end of the sentence.

“It is,” you agree. “But I was thinking about what you said.” He doesn’t respond, letting you continue. “And I just wanted to say...I get it.”

There’s silence on the other end. It’s so quiet that you fear for a second that Osamu has hung up the phone in anger, or maybe he’s drifted off to sleep. But then you hear another breathy exhale, a laugh from a person who is the furthest from laughing.

“Ya know Y/N? I think you’re the only person who does.”

You exhale and close your eyes. You find it hard to open them back up, pure exhaustion taking over your body.

“We’re still on for lunch tomorrow, right?”

“Of course,” Osamu answers. “But ya gotta rest now if ya wanna wake up in time for it.”

A small smile crosses your face. “Sure. Promise me you’ll try to get some sleep too?”

A noncommittal hum is the answer you receive, not ideal but you don’t push him. You feel brittle and fragile, and you’re sure he’s the same.

“Osamu, thank you.” You want to convey how thankful you are, not only that he called you tonight but for coming into your life at a time where you needed a friendly face. You know your gratitude doesn’t come close to covering the vast expanse of your gratefulness but you hope you’ll have time to show him.

“No worries, get some sleep. I’ll see ya tomorrow. Good night Y/N.”

“Good night Osamu.” Your eyes slip close, and you let yourself fall into a dreamless sleep.

• ────── ✾ ────── •

A/N: 😔😔 y’all this story is making me Big Sad and I wrote it. 🥲 Thank you so much for reading!!! I should probably mention that the time stamps in the chat and on the tweets and such are accurate - the story is moving right along!

Taglist Open! Please send an Ask with the request to be added to It’s [Not] Okay Fic & SMAU: @psycho-nightrose @camcam1617 @kamalymaly @toobsessedsstuff @shookykookie30 @roro-707 @qualitygiantshoepsychic @cerealfrdinner797 @ara-mitsue @gray-444 @tanakasimpcorner @rintarovibes @jellien @everytimeswift @bongofrito

[picnokinesis]

your profile on ao3 mentions you like Pacific Rim have you ever considered a series 12 cast (so 13 + fam + master) pacrim au? bc weirdly enough i feel like spydoc would actually be drift compatible

OH MY DAYS ok I had to write this out on a note on my phone because I have so many thoughts, pacrim aus come like BREATHING to me, but consider:

Koschei Oakdown (he/him), teenage heir of some kind of rich and powerful business man who moved his family inland when the Kaiju attacks began. His father is essentially grooming Koschei to be his successor, but Koschei has zero interest - all he wants is to go back to the coastal city of Vancouver where he grew up, so he can stay with his best friend Theta Lungbarrow (they/them) and study things he's actually interested, like xenobiology, since he's certain that the only way to defeat the kaiju is to understand them. It only takes a few weeks for him to get sick of the whole thing and run away, heading back to Vancouver - but the day he arrives, the kaiju Karloff attacks. He survives, and finds Theta, who also survived - but their parents were not so lucky. Koschei's parents believe that he's dead, and Koschei has no intention of correcting them on that, and so him and Theta end up in the care of the state, and he begins to start studying xenobiolology. Theta, on the other hand, has become somewhat obsessed with the idea of jaegers, after watching Brawler Yuhkon fight against Karloff - the first jaeger to ever fight a kaiju - and win. They want to build jaegers and be a pilot, and even Koschei won't deny that there's no way the two of them aren't drift compatible.

Fast forward a few years - Theta and Koschei are two young but brilliant scientists working for the PPDC, Theta in J-Tech and Koschei in K-Science. Theta is working on a new technological approach to building jaegers and also messing with the Drift interface, to see if the synchronisation between pilots can be increased, whilst Koschei is looking for weaknesses in the kaiju's biology. However, they're both entirely invested in each other's research and tend to argue quite intensely in order to brainstorm and have breakthroughs - much to the despair of everyone in the j-tech and k-science departments. But one thing Theta wants more than anything is to pilot a jaeger - even though on paper they have no chance, having not been to Jaeger academy or anything. But Caitlin Lightcap (the pilot of Brawler Yuhkon and inventor of the drift interface) also didn't go to jaeger academy. She just put herself in the position where they HAD to let her in a jaeger by completing the first drift with D'onofrio and saving his life. And so, because Theta entirely lacks self preservation, they persuade Koschei that it's a good idea to test out their new drift technology on themselves. Because the other issue is funding - no one wants to support an experimental rig or jaeger design until Theta can prove that it works. So they will.

And that's EXACTLY what they do, and they're extremely lucky it doesn't kill them but they get it to work and it's fantastic. The Drift is stronger than any before it. And so (after the pair of them get pulled out of an experimental rig and get into a LOT of trouble), they manage to persuade the PPDC to 1) let them build a new jaeger and 2) be the two who pilot it, since they've alread forged a drift bond in the new interface.

And so the jaeger Gallifrey Ember is born.

BUT THEN. They have several extremely successful deployments, until one fateful night where it all goes very wrong. I'm not sure exactly what happens because this is all off the top of my head this morning and I'm currently walking to work HAHA but I'm gonna say that maybe Koschei thought there was some xenobiology knowledge that they could use to fight against this specific kaiju (which is something he's done before and it's partly why their missions are so successful) but as he goes to dig for it, he accidentally pulls up the memory of the Karloff attack, and ends up chasing the rabbit. Only, because the new interface has their minds so intertwined, it knocks the pair of them out of alignment even worse than it would have otherwise (especially since their trauma memories are from the same event) and their drift just goes completely. As you can imagine, it all goes very badly a la Gispy Danger vs Knifehead, only the city they're trying to protect gets hit pretty bad and there are a LOT of casulaties - more than ever since the jaeger programme started deploying. I think in the end it's Theta who, mostly bearing the neural load alone, has to do something drastic to stop the kaiju - maybe killing it in a way that spills Kaiju Blue everywhere and just poisons the land/water. Anyway after that Theta is EXTREMELY ANGRY at Koschei, and he's mad at HER for being mad at him because sorry for having trauma memories and accidentally triggering them?? But she's like I KNOW I also have those memories and you left me to basically pilot alone??? But anyway it's all a mess, Gallifrey Ember is basically destroyed and the pair of them are injured, traumatised, and unreconcilable, and so they decide that they're never drifting again and basically go separate ways. No one ever uses Theta's drift or jaeger tech again because it's considered too dangerous or volatile.

FAST FORWARD SEVERAL YEARS AGAIN. Enter Ryan Sinclair - young j-tech engineer who looks at the original Gallifrey Ember specs and is like "hey, no, this WORKED but it's just it went wrong one time and now no one will touch it, but maybe I can fix this old beat up jaeger and make it work again?". And so he rebuilds the jaeger - and names it Gallifrey Inferno instead. But, of course, no one wants to pilot it because of it's history, and also it really needs two pilots who are used to this sort of interface, rather than trying to train two new pilots (also, what new pilots?? The funding for the jaeger programme is getting cut by the day, and the jaeger pilot academies are all getting shut down). So, in short - they need Theta and Koschei back.

Yaz and Graham are there too - Yaz was in jaeger academy, but then the funding got pulled so her cohort got dropped, and now she's a security guard for the Shatterdome, but she still desperately wants to be at the heart of the action and actually making a difference. Graham is one of the guys who drives the carts across the Shatterdome deployment floor HAHA but he's great, he talks to EVERYONE in the Shatterdome and knows exactly what's going on underneath all the bureaucracy. He's also Ryan's granddad - they're somewhat at odds, but they're also both still grieving over the death of Grace, Ryan's nan, who died during a kaiju attack.

And then I have no idea - the three of them team up to drag Koschei and Theta back? Although to be honest I bet if Theta found out they were rebuilding their jaeger, they would be breaking into the Shatterdome IMMEDIATELY, so maybe Yaz catches them sneaking in hahaha. But obviously, even when Theta and Koschei are back together they are very reluctant to drift. I imagine that they both also have a lot of problems with ghost drifitng and stuff because their drift was so strong. And then...I want there to be s12 parallels, but I'm not quite sure what happens but I feel like Theta ended up being made to work on some weird slightly unethical drift project by the people who control the funding of the PPDC because they want to know more of the impact of the drift on the human brain, especially such a strong drift (I'm thinking like...ok so in one of my favourite pacrim fanfics, Newt gets forced to work in a drift project after his kaiju drift, but he keeps the fact that Hermann also drifted secret to protect him - but it ends up being pretty rough for Newt) but then obviously they're forced to keep the whole thing secret so they don't even tell Koschei. But eventually when the pair of them drift again, Koschei finds out (which then is the equivalent of him finding stuff in the Matrix). But he doesn't find out everything because it's all a mess and maybe the drift is off kilter because of it? Not sure. But yeah! This is all extremely rough so...y'know. Could probably develop it further. My only other thought is that the other jaeger pilots are alternate versions of thoschei or doctor-companion team ups.

[lunatens]

felix felicis (iii)

word count: 3.0k

part iii/iv

genre: fluff, harry potter au

pairing: hufflepuff!felix x ravenclaw!reader

a/n: it’s been uhhhhhhhhhhhhh over a year since i last update this whoOPS i am so sorry to keep you all waiting. thank you to everyone who patiently waited, and to everyone who’s new, i hope you like it!! there will be one more part to this series (that i will try my best to write in less than a year lol) (also for obvious reasons w**jin will no longer be a part of this fic)

the day of the gryffindor vs ravenclaw quidditch match has your stomach in knots, not about the game itself (you really couldn’t care less about the results) but about the boy you’re going to be spending the next couple hours with.

“okay y/n, first things first: that tiny ball is the golden snitch, and-” 

“felix, i’m not stupid,”

“right, yeah, sorry i’m just uhh..excited is all,’ he says shyly. you watch as the two teams whizz around the pitch, trying to keep track of all the different balls and players as felix rambles on about the rules to you. despite chan, changbin and jisung being your closest friends, you’ve never actually come out to watch them play before, always finding an excuse to stay indoors instead of sitting miserable and alone on an uncomfortable bench in typically  less-than-pleasant weather. 

“wow y/n, your friends are actually really, really good quidditch players.” felix comments with a look of mild surprise. “too bad they’re not hufflepuffs!”

“actually, at your last game they were telling me they wish you were in gryffindor, so i guess you’re not too bad yourself,” you comment with a small smile, and you have to stifle a laugh as felix’s face turns bright red. you hate to admit it, but felix is really, really cute--especially bundled up in his yellow hat and scarf, his hair sticking out and gently waving in the breeze whenever someone flies by on broomstick.

you watch the game in silence for a moment, still trying to find the appeal for the sport. the game’s been going for a while now, with neither team having found the snitch yet, although gryffindor’s leading in points. jisung zooms around the far end of the pitch, expertly evading the ravenclaw beaters’ attacks and catching the quaffle with a flourish. it doesn’t take long before he’s put the quaffle through one of the ravenclaw goalposts, and the gryffindor crowd roars in excitement. jisung does a lap of the pitch, posing ridiculously and waving to the crowd to get them even more riled up. you hear felix squeal in excitement beside you, and turn to look at him with curiosity.

“that’s just the best feeling ever, flying through the air and just having fun like that. it’s so freeing,” he says with a contented sigh. you furrow your brows and turn back to look at jisung, who’s now rejoined his team as the game continues.

“really? i mean, it doesn’t seem that great. it looks so cold and windy, and what if you fall? yeah, no thanks i’d rather stick to the ground,” you state. it’s not like you want to offend felix or anything, but you just really don’t get the hype about flying. 

“what?? you don’t like flying y/n?? but it’s so epic!” felix says in disbelief, and you shake your head in response.

“the only time i’ve ever ridden a broomstick is way back in first year, when we had to learn the basics, and i’ve got no interest in trying again.”

“i’ve never met someone so opposed to flying,”

“well, that’s what happens when you fall off and break your wrist and can’t take proper notes for weeks,” you say, wrinkling your nose at the memory. “see unlike you, i’m not gifted with good luck.”

felix looks at you blankly for a moment, thinking to himself, before a wide grin creeps onto his face.

“no.”

“i haven’t even said anything yet!!”

“ok but i know what you’re thinking and i am NOT riding a broomstick, felix!”

“oh come on y/n, live a little!! it’ll be so much fun! what, are you afraid of heights?” felix asks teasingly. you shoot him a glare in response.

“yes!! besides, i don’t even own a broomstick.”

“yeah i kinda figured, so we can just use mine! i’m sure we’ll both fit, it might be a bit squishy though…” felix trails off in his own thoughts, and you choke on your own spit. you turn to look at the pitch, trying to focus on the game rather than thoughts of being pressed up against felix and holding onto him for dear life, breathing in the scent of h-

“eh, i think it’ll work fine. so it’s settled, after the game i’m taking you for a ride.” felix says definitively, interrupting your thoughts (good timing too, your brain was entering dangerous territory). 

“i dunno, felix…. it really doesn’t sound safe, i mean two people on a broomstick? i don’t care how lucky you are, i’m not taking any chances.”

“y/n, i promise nothing bad will happen. we won’t even go that high, and we can take it slow. trust me, it’ll be okay,” felix says, tentatively placing a hand over yours and looking into your eyes. you’re silent for a moment; has felix ever been this sincere in his life? you let out a sigh of defeat.

“i better not regret this.” you mumble, and felix squeals in excitement. your heart flutters a bit when he grabs onto your upper arm enthusiastically

“you won’t, y/n!! it’ll be so much fun, i can’t wait. it’s gonna change your life for the better,” felix says confidently, and although you roll your eyes at him, you can’t help but smile giddily to yourself. 

*** 

the game ends in an overwhelming victory for gryffindor, and you and felix dodge red and gold banners and streamers on your way out of the pitch past ecstatic gryffindors and gloomy ravenclaws. you finally make it out, your stomach filling with dread as you remember what’s happening now.

“i’ll be right back y/n, i’m just gonna go grab my broomstick from the locker room!” felix says excitedly, before rushing off into the depths of the pitch structure. you stand awkwardly by yourself, shoving your hands into your pockets for warmth. your breath escapes your lips in visibles plumes, the air growing colder as the sun begins to sink lower into the sky. one of your professors walks by, reminding you to return to the castle, and you nod, telling them you’re just waiting for a friend. it’s not a complete lie, right? you think to yourself. the adrenaline from not only your upcoming flight, but also breaking the rules again (and for felix, of all people) fills your body with jitters.

as you wait for felix for what seems like forever, your mind starts to wander. watching the game with him today was...surprisingly fun? and my goodness, the way his eyes sparkled or his voice got squeaky when someone made an awesome play was maybe the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. not to mention his freckled cheeks, rosy from the biting cold, or his tiny hands that flailed excitedly when talking about strategies. was chan right after all? do you have feelings for felix? no, that’s absurd. you’re just excited to have made a new friend is all...haha...right?

you don’t get the chance to think more about it before someone pounces on you from behind.

“Y/N!!! YOU CAME!!!!” jisung’s loud voice rings in your ear.

“ew get off me, you’re all sweaty,” you say with a grimace as you shove the excited boy off your shoulders. “but good job guys, you did great! who knew you were actually good at quidditch huh,” you tease, and chan gives you a playful nudge.

“i saw you with a certain hufflepuff boy in the stands,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows, and you slap him on the arm.

“ok he practically forced me to go, it was the only way to stop his stupid begging and whining,” you argue, and your three gryffindor friends nod their heads in clear disbelief. 

“sure y/n, keep telling yourself that.” chan says, giving you a pat on the head which you swat away. 

“sorry that took so long, i-” felix’s out-of-breath voice stops mid sentence when he spies you with the other boys. “oh uh, hi,” he says shyly, clearly not expecting their presence. your friends grin knowingly and changbin and jisung start to whisper to each other. chan puts on a friendly smile and greets felix back, reaching out to shake his hand.

“thanks for coming out even though your house wasn’t playing,” he says, and felix seems to warm up to chan a bit. 

“i’d never turn down a chance to watch a good quidditch match! you guys are amazing,” he babbles, and you giggle at his enthusiasm, glad to see him and chan connecting. 

“you’re not so bad yourself dude. too bad we’ll have to crush you in a few weeks,” chan teases, and all the boys laugh.

“i’m impressed you were able to drag this one out, we’ve been trying to get them to come to our games for years,” changbin groans, gesturing to you. felix shrugs in response.

“i mean it wasn’t too hard, just a small bribe of some chocolate frogs and here we are,” felix says, and you feel three pairs of eyes burning into your soul. you can practically feel the smirks on their faces, and you can already hear the teasing you’ll experience later. 

“well anyways, we’re gonna hit up the great hall for some snacks on our way back, you coming? you’re welcome to join us, felix,” jisung invites.

“um actually...felixistakingmeforarideonhisbroomstick,” you splutter out, and you hear jisung make a strange noise of disbelief at what he just heard.

“sorry, what?” chan asks, and the grin on his face tells you he knows exactly what you just said. you let out an annoyed huff and repeat yourself.

“felix is taking me for a ride on his broomstick, and we better get going before it gets too late.” you say in defeat and embarrassment, reaching to grab a confused felix’s hand so you can get away from your friends before they have the chance to say anything about it. jisung opens his mouth to make what you assume is a raunchy joke about riding broomsticks, but a death glare from you shuts him up.

“okay, have fun! but not too much fun,” chan says with a wink before quickly ushering a protesting jisung and changbin back towards the castle. you’re grateful for the falling darkness, because you can feel how bright your cheeks are burning right now. 

“i’m so sorry about them,” you apologize, and felix laughs it off.

“they seem fun,” he says, then tugs on your hand gently. “follow me, i know the best place to go where we won’t get caught. trust me, i sneak out all the time with hyunjin and minho and we’ve never seen a soul.” you nod nervously as you follow felix’s lead, praying that you won’t regret this.

after a bit of walking and some light conversation, you arrive at a small clearing near the edge of the lake. 

“this is SO against the rules,” you mutter to yourself as you step over some large roots. felix gets to a spot where the sky above is clear (and growing darker by the minute), and there’s lots of room around you. he straddles the broomstick and motions for you to join him. as you make your way behind him, you can’t help but wonder if you're more nervous about flying or about the prolonged close contact with felix. there are so many layers of clothing between us, you tell yourself, it’s fine. you place your arms loosely around felix’s waist, nervous to get any closer.

“we’re gonna start off just hovering, okay? we’ll take it slow, it’ll be alright. you can tell me if you want to stop, but i really think it’ll be fine, trust me,” he says to comfort you, and you nod. felix kicks off the ground, and you gasp as you feel your feet dangling in the air. instinctively, your arms squeeze tightly around felix, and you press yourself as close to him as possible.

“i can feel your heart racing, it’s okay just relax!” felix says with a laugh.

“easy for you to say, you practically live on a broomstick,” you grumble, and you feel felix’s body shake with giggles underneath you.

“i’m gonna take us a bit higher now,” felix says, and you press your face into his back as you feel yourselves rise higher, the air getting colder as you ascend. you feel a gentle breeze tangling your locks, and the broomstick begins to inch forward. you open one eye slightly and let out a small squeak as you see how far the ground is below you. you’re almost above the height of the trees now, and felix is doing slow laps of the clearing. 

“see, it’s not too bad, right?” he asks, and you force yourself to open your eyes again. if you don’t look straight down, you have to admit the view is really nice. trees and rolling hills pepper the landscape, and you can see the quidditch pitch and hogwarts a bit farther in the distance. the last rays of sun are reflecting off of the lake, and the twilight sky is beginning to sparkle with the night’s brightest stars. 

“yeah, i guess it is pretty nice,” you begrudgingly agree. your knuckles are white as you hold on to felix for dear life, but the more time you spend up here the more you realize how stable he’s keeping the broomstick, and how much he does seem to be taking caution to make sure you’re comfortable. you let out a shaky sigh as you try to relax and take in the scenery as you hover above the trees. 

“there’s one more thing we can do, if you’re okay with it,” he says, asking for your trust. you say nothing, simply nodding into his back; you’re afraid if you open your mouth you’ll regret it. as soon as he has your confirmation, the broomstick suddenly bursts forward and you can’t help but let out a piercing shriek.

“FELIX!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!” you manage to yell over the howling wind. your eyes are tearing up from the cold night air, and your throat feels dry, and you’re convinced your heart’s stopped beating. felix just lets out a joyful laugh in response, yelling back to you “SHOWING YOU THE BEST THING ABOUT FLYING!” before plunging the nose of the stick into a dive towards the ground. he pulls up, of course, and does a few more fancy tricks before slowing down to a more leisurely pace above the treetops. 

you sit there in shock for a moment, wide eyed and breathless, trying to take in the wild turn of events.

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!! YOU IDIOT WE COULD’VE DIED OR SOMETHING,” you scream in between breaths, still trying to get your heart to stop racing. 

“but we didn’t, right? i told you you could trust me!! was that not fun??” he asks, giddy with adrenaline. you choose not to respond, because he’s right--as much as his sudden moves scared the living daylights out of you, you have to admit it felt pretty freeing. 

“this is my favourite view,” felix says to change the topic, and you lift your head up to look around. you’re coasting above the lake, the last rays of sun painting the landscape golden. more stars are out now, and the glow of the castle feels truly magical and welcoming. you steal a glance at felix, cheeks nose and ears bright red from the cold but an awestruck look on his face nonetheless. you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look so peaceful and content, and the feeling spreads to you as you finally relax your grip a little and rest your cheek on felix’s back. 

“thank you, felix,” you mumble, feeling surprisingly at ease now. 

“sorry, what was that?” he asks and you can hear the grin in his voice.

“i’m not saying it again,” you warn, and he remains silent. part of you wishes you could live in this moment forever, gliding over the mirror-like surface of the water with the warmth of felix to stave away the cold tendrils of night air.

“we should uh, head back. it’s getting pretty late,” he eventually says after a comfortable silence passes. you nod in agreement, and felix takes you back to the quidditch pitch, where he returns his broomstick quickly before coming back to walk with you to the castle. the walk back is mostly silent, with the two of you hiding from professors and prefects a couple times but making it back to the ravenclaw common room unseen. there seems to be some shift in the energy between you now, the silences feeling a bit more awkward than before, but neither of you wants to acknowledge it. 

“well, uh, thanks for trusting me. and sorry if i scared you,” felix says with a small laugh as you reach to door to the common room. 

“it’s okay, i uh...i actually had a really good time. you’re right, you know, it is a really wonderful feeling being up there.” you admit. you have to stop yourself from adding “with you” to the end of that sentence. “so thank you for everything, lix,” you say and you cringe at the nickname that accidentally escaped your lips. felix tries to hold back a smile but fails miserably, blushing at the nickname. 

“goodnight, y/n,” he says after clearing his throat.

“um..goodnight,” you say before going to answer the riddle to enter the common room. as you mutter the answer and begin to enter, you hear felix call after you.

“y/n?”

“yeah?”

there’s a long pause.

“uh, nevermind. goodnight!” he says, and before you know it he’s down the stairs and out of sight. confused, you creep up to your dormitory to get ready for bed. your dreams that night are filled with the wind rushing through your hair, beautiful landscapes whizzing past you, and most importantly of all, felix’s joyful laugh ringing in your ears.

[malibumiu]

“Running doesn’t matter. I’ll hunt you down if I have to.”

aka Naejunko angst (?) idk this came from yandere prompt list so yea (Warning: Violence, guns) 

enjoy!

“I have to keep running… I have to keep running… get up Makoto come on..” It's the mantra that he had to keep telling himself, he was close! Getting so close! To where? He wasn’t sure! But he knew he had to be close, somewhere! Anywhere! From that god forsaken base! He needed to find the others, surely they would be looking for him! That would mean they should be around the area surely with his luck the others would be able to find him or if his luck was being extra nice maybe he’d find them first! 

Though a pain throb quick made him hiss in pain, staggering slightly as he took shelter in a half decrepit hotel lobby. Furniture was both turned and unturned glass and debris everywhere, the light from the maroon sky making it look more eerie than it should be. He quickly ducked down behind the receptionist desk, trying to make himself as small as he could manage, he would have gotten under completely but that would be rather hard when you have two arrows in your back. His entire body felt sore and tired, his wounds from his “executions” not having properly healed yet, he was sure a few of them had tore themselves open again already, he just prayed that there wasn’t a blood trail.

“Calm down Makoto..calm down..” he closed his eyes trying to steady his heart beat and control the trembling throughout his body, “Calm down,” another breath, “She probably has forgotten about you by now. Yeah that's it..” another, “ S-She found a new toy to play with, she has gotten over you..just focus on get out alive-”

Static crackles from above him catching his attention, with minimal pain he shot out from under the desk and found a CB radio, perfect! He quickly clamored up the mic and began fiddling with the dial Maybe it was a call for help?! Or Kyoko, or Byakuya- 

“Makotoooo baby~ you're heaven sent you know so why are you SO hellbent on being such a bad boy to me~?”

Makoto dropped the mic slowly backing away from the radio..No...she- she couldn’t have! He already pulled the tracker arrow out from his thigh! How could she-?!

The radio let out static crackle, her voice felt closer; it was like he could still feel her on him, her breath, her perfume, her nails, just her. 

“Makaroco babybabybaby~! You know I like a bad boy I do! With their cigarette smoke, motorcycles, bad attitude and all, so cooooool right!? But they also reek of insecurities, blood and cowardice. But you aren’t them baby, no.. you're my sweet little darling my little macarena~. OH! You're just so sugary sweet you probably gave me diabetes! That being said..” His mind felt like it was on autopilot at this point, he didn’t even realize that he had got up and started running again, until he landed on the ground with a thud and looked around, finding glass around him, ah he must have jumped out of a window. At least escaped- 

“AS I WAS SAYING-“ With a screech of the sound system outside her voice came over again, “That being said Makoto, you have a weakness.. a big weakness baby and it's that you care entirely too much for people.” 

He began to run, he didn’t care, he ignored the pain in his back and throbbing pain all over his body, he didn’t care he just needed to run, he needed to stop hearing her.

“Your- no.. OUR friends after all the shit they put you through you still cared for them, in the last trial you got them out of despair, they didn’t deserve it. Earlier you told them to direct all their anger toward me! The mastermind and in the end you couldn’t bring yourself to even fully hate me, you wanted to help me. How could I say no you babe?” “Babe?” he spat, letting out a dark chuckle, he could feel himself slowing down his limp “Yeah sure.”

“You know Makoto there's a lot I’d do for you, you know? It's SO weird honestly I can hardly believe it myself, a lot of things bore me but not you. You somehow keep my mind entertained, you keep me guessing, predicting! Even when we were in school and dating! But one thing was obvious, you were quite the popular guy herbivore. Those bitches would flock all over you! Both the main and reserve course, they were like leeches, those whores...trying to suck all the kindness out of you, probably hoping you’d knock them up with a kid and tie you down, I- i couldn’t have that we were dating after all! I tried to tell to back the fuck off; the main course girls grew their brains and did until valentines time day that is.. anyway those reserve skanks didn’t listen… so let’s just say.. I thought them a lesson? Oh makoto you should have been there. It was delightfully gross! Blood everywhere! Some remainders of guts Oh-! and one bitch even pissed herself it was fucking hilarious Mako!!”

Makoto could only lean against the wall in horror as the fashionista let out howls of laughter, meanwhile he felt even more guilt swelled in his heart. First his classmates and now some girls he doesn’t even know or remember were dead because of him?! 

“That little incident cost me a good outfit and shoes but it was allllll worth it for you baby~. I couldn’t have you taken from me, your mine. MINE. I did soooo much for you Makoto! I marked you, loved you hell I even Killed for you! I was even such a loving girlfriend that I brought you to my base where I treated your injuries, gave you good meals, shelter and new friends! And you still leave me! How could you be so cruel Makoto Naegi?! HOW COULD YOU?!”

Said boy cringed at her cries, he couldn’t truly tell if they were actual tears or crocodile tears but even so it made him want to go and comfort her, hold her close and tell her everything was fine, no Junko- Murukro would probably still love you even after all you did-

“But no matter, I still forgive you. You’re just running because you want to be a cheeky little shit dontcha? You wanna play games huh? That’s ok babe, I like this game cat and mouse, prey vs predator, hide and seek? Tag even, games like these are rather fun especially when the mouse is a cute lil boy like you Makoto~ Oh~! I am ready to pounce ya! Rawr :3!”

It was at this point that Makoto felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, he looked around, there was no one around except for those of the dead and from what remained of the taller buildings he could see no one so... why did he feel like he was suddenly being watched? Before he knew it he started running again.

“But you should have already known Babe, running away is pointless because in the end Makoto Naegi I’ll always find you.”

Junko smiled as she clicked off the microphone for a moment to line up her shot. She looked in the scope again to make sure that he was there and he was probably because of the limp in his run, that fall in the pit and the swords did a multitude on him. And though it hurt her poor maiden heart to see him like this, it definitely made it easier for her. Normally this would be Izuru’s job but this time however he was waiting a block away with the car to scoop him up before he bled out to death. She checked the barrel of the sniper rifle once more, the upgrades Izuru did the bullets should disable him for a while. She looked back into the scope, lining up the shot once more, laying her finger gently on the trigger while her other hand reached for the mic. She held it close, her eye watching him like a hawk as she watched his sad effort of a run.

“But please remember that I’m doing this because I love you Makoto.”

She pulled the trigger without hesitation and watched as he fell to the ground, wriggling around on the ground in pain as he cradled his knee in agony. Then the strangest thing happened: he stopped, and he...started to crawl?! What the hell?! Why wasn’t staying put like a good boy?! Nononono this wouldn’t do! She knew he was rather stubborn and (she said so herself) unpredictable but now was not the time for that!

She looked back into the scope to line up and take the shot again. Taking the second shot wasn’t hard, especially since he wasn’t as much of a moving target as the first time. She made to pop his other knee or maybe it was his thigh? She wasn’t too sure but she did know it didn’t hit a non vital area so he should be good and he looked to be down for the count finally.

“Kamukuraaaaaaa~” she sung into walkie talkie that was attach to her coat, “Be a dear and go the little rascal will ya~? Mama can’t have her big catch lying on the street once you get him, be sure to come back around and get me too Kk? Gooooood!”

Clicking off she sighed and began to pack up, she knew Makoto would be fine after all she did make sure not him in non-vitals areas but with these new injuries on top of his probably already reopened previous wounds. He would probably be bedridden for a bit, but that would be fine by her, it would only insure that he’s incapable of leaving-leaving her. He didn’t need his friends, his friends clearly had no trouble discarding him in the 5th trial, so why would they need him now? She needed him, not his hope or anything, just him. His optimism, kindness, comfort, warmth and love that's all she wanted. She would be damned if she let anyone take him from her.  Didn’t they know? Junko Enoshima always got what she wants no matter the cost. Even if it required bloodshed.

[akawrites000]

Needy (Part 2)

When the Hero regained consciousness, they were very surprised for a couple of reasons. One- they weren't supposed to open their eyes again, they were supposed to be dead, and the cause of death would be 'choked by the Villain's sturdy hands'; two- their treacherous heart just wouldn't shut up, way too excited at the possibility that maybe, just maybe, this villain wasn't really as bad as they portrayed themselves to be (and would somehow magically turn into one of the villain personalities whom the Hero swooned over almost everyday on their smartphone) and three- they were currently tied up in some abandoned warehouse and the rough ropes were hurting their wrist.

It seemed like they had made enough noise waking up, because a shadow was walking towards them from the corner of the building. The Hero gulped- this is bad, I really can't protect myself right now because my hands are literally tied. The Hero's anxiety was at alarmingly high levels as they tried to internally calm themselves down (which didn't work). The shadow went over and flicked on the light switch, momentarily blinding the Hero.

Like a puppet cut off from its strings, the Hero slumped down in utter relief, voice a breathy sigh as they spoke, "It's only you huh, thank goodness, I was afraid it might be someone else who wanted to hurt me." They saw the Villain looking at them like they were a creature from another planet, standing comfortably by the wall.

The Villain sure as hell had good reason for their facial expressions and actions, their mind currently running a marathon- why did the Hero look so relieved after seeing that it was me, when they were clearly terrified just a moment ago? I mean, I'm the Villain... how can they be so sure that I wouldn't harm them? Their mind immediately pulled up the mental image of how all the tension in the Hero's shoulder just left once they knew that it was them standing in the corner, and how relieved their voice sounded. It was seriously very disturbing and the Villain couldn't understand why.

The Villain walked closer to the Hero who was currently struggling to get out of those ropes, "How did you know that I wouldn't hurt you? ", the Villain questioned, voice dark, " don't give me this bullshit of 'I trusted you' -

"But I did, and I do." The Hero had stopped wiggling in their chair and focused all of their attention on the Villain who looked like he was kicked in the gut. "Huh?", was all the distressed villain could manage, eyes fixed on the enigmatic Hero. The Hero simply chuckled- a soft sound that did weird things to the Villain's chest, " I mean no offense Villain, but you could have seriously killed me, with your fingers around my neck and all-"

The Hero didn't even see the Villain move, and before they knew it, their mouth was clamped shut by the Villain's hand, amber eyes looking into theirs desperately, "Just don't talk." , the villain said curtly- because it's driving me mad, you're driving me mad.

"O-okay?" The Hero said unsure of themselves, focusing their attention back into getting themselves out of those ropes. The Villain was just going to go and mull in the corner, and have an inner monologue with themselves before a loud groan- which soon turned into a pained whine, came from the direction of the Hero. They Villain whisked their head back so quickly, and surprised themselves because of how much they cared. They sprang over to where they tied the Hero, eyes meticulously going over the binds- I know I didn't tie it that tightly...

"What's wrong?" , the Villain asked, letting just a little emotion seep into their voice. The Hero looked up at them and it was only then that the Villain noticed how tired they were- those eyes that had always shined like a starry sky were now a dull blue, dark circles lining those eyes like they were a permanent inhabitant of their handsome/beautiful face. Though according to the Villain, they had no place there.

"Is there something on my face?" ,the Hero asked, twisting and turning a little. Bad move, they thought, as a loud gasp tore out of their throat and they doubled over in pain. The Villain was there in a jiffy, holding them up gently. They even let them lean on their body for support and the Hero couldn't help but smile despite the pain.

"What's wrong?!" The Villain asked once again, eyes searching every visible nook and corner of the Hero's body for any sign of injuries.

"I-It hurts.", they gasped, leaning in closer to the Villain.

The Villain got rid of the restraints themselves, carried the Hero bridal style and placed them on the floor to get a better look at them, all the while the Villain's mind was at crossroads- why am I doing this? vs I don't want to see them hurt playing on a loop inside their head. With every jostle the Hero flinched and the Villain's chest clenched with guilt?- something that they hadn't allowed themselves to feel in ages.

"Where does it hurt?" The Villain's voice came out gentle, and they surprised themselves once again.

They looked down to see the Hero grinning at them, eyss once again becoming a starry sky. Despite going through every possibility in their head as to how the Hero would react when they woke up again, grinning and soft eyes was definitely not on the Villain's list of possibilities- It made them weak.

"Here and here." The Hero pointed with their index finger to the general area around their ribs and below. No external injury could be seen, which meant that it was damaged internally- that's bad. The Villain went through the first aid procedures in their head.

The Hero smiled at them, "You don't have to look so worried Villain, I'll be fine. You've done enough, so I'll just go and get myself admitted at a hospital. " The Hero attempted to stand up, only to curl in on themselves again.

The Villain was angry, because it seemed like this stupid Hero was only desperate to hurt themselves more. And it made them even more furious to admit that they let something like "the Hero's wellbeing" get to them.

"Just sit here and don't move, I'm going to get the first aid supplies." The Villain made sure to glare extra hard at the greenie Hero so that they wouldn't get any other foolish ideas. They watched the Hero nod happily, as they made their way over to the other side of the room, looking for said supplies.

"So this is really where you live huh- and they went into a furious coughing fit. The Villain rushed back, cursing the Hero in their mind for not even giving them a few moments of peace, hand rubbing soothing circles onto their back. In the back of their mind though, the Villain was relieved at the fact that the Hero at least had a brain in there. They watched as the Hero gasped and spluttered, struggling to breathe. They definitely broke a few ribs during the fight, the Villain's mind fed worryingly from the Hero's reaction. Their hands instantly started working on the first aid measures, patching the Hero up the best they could.

"Don't talk, don't move, stay still." The Villain's voice may have sounded deep and cold but the Hero could feel the warmth in each of those words. They were slowly starting to feel tired, eyelids closing involuntarily once again.

The Villain stared at their nemesis, a look of fear stretching across their face, "Oi, don't close your eyes! Hero! Listen to me!"

-

The Hero woke up once again, this time to beeping sounds and bleary white walls. A hospital. They only turned their head, suddenly aware of the pain below their chest and their eyes landed on a slumped figure, on a chair by their bedside. Villain... had they admitted them to the hospital? How did I even get here? Don't tell me that they carried me all the way here?!

The Hero's face heated up at the thought, and they wiggled their hands in front of their face, swatting the thought away as if it were a fly. They sighed, feeling much better than they remembered feeling before they blacked out. Their eyes shifted to their phone which gave a soft glow in the dark.

One new message.

Villain: Your phone really doesn't have any useful information at all, you greenie Hero.

The Hero chuckled at the apparent annoyance that the Villain might have felt upon the discovery. It was the truth, they really weren't allowed to know as much as their higher ups did.

Villain: Open your notes.

The Hero became alarmed, their fingers flying to the notes app. The notes was like their personal diary and they never let anyone read through them. They were pissed, eyes glaring at the sleeping villain as they opened the most recently edited note-

The story I read today was so good, I hope I get to meet a villain like that in my life!

Well you met one today, what did you think? Tell me after you wake up- Villain.

And the story was nothing special, I read it. I'm sure we could do so much better than that- Villain.

If the Hero's cheeks weren't flaming then, they sure were now. They weren't even mad anymore, just giddy, smiling like an idiot at the sleeping Villain.

"You were amazing, Villain."

The Hero opened up the Villain's chat-

H: How am I supposed to tell you if you're still asleep dummy. Wake up!!!

H: And next time, don't just snoop around my phone while I'm asleep. Just ask me and I'll give it to you.

okay this ended up being way more cheesy than it was in my head lol/ villain gets influenced by hopeless romantic hero/ it's the beginning of their own fanfic inspired heroxvillain relationship/hero is extremely satisfied-hope you all liked it.

[luxe-pauvre]

FEBRUARY 2021

Read:

Talking Is Throwing Fictional Worlds at One Another

The Universe Knows Right from Wrong

Welcome to the Next Level of Bullshit

A Primer on Algorithms and Bias

How Close Are Computers to Automating Mathematical Reasoning?

Politics is visceral

Thoughts into words

Modern mindfulness meditation has lost its beating communal heart

Life and breath

When Technology Takes Revenge

Maybe Dark Matter Is All Just a Big Mistake

The Dark Side of Smart

The Importance of Face Masks and the Tragedy of Downplaying Them

Sex is real (The existence of biological sex is no constraint on human diversity)

Freedom needs friction: lessons in choice from French history

Voices of Ancient Women: Stories and Essays on Persephone and Medusa

The value of uncertainty

Philosophy’s systemic racism

Reasons Revealed for the Brain’s Elastic Sense of Time

To Make Sense of the Present, Brains May Predict the Future

Why Power Brings Out Your True Self

The Spiral of Silence

Most anguish isn’t an illness but an evolved response to adversity

How to Assess Risks During the Coronavirus Pandemic

Nourish your imagination and you will be forever free

Adam Smith warned us about sympathising with the elites

Being Smart is Not Enough

Nervous States: How Feeling Took Over the World by William Davies

Lab Girl by Hope Jahren

Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates

Stop Reading The News by Rolf Dobelli

There Are Places in the World Where Rules Are Less Important Than Kindness by Carlo Rovelli

It’s Not About the Bike by Lance Armstrong

Seven Deadly Sins: My Pursuit of Lance Armstrong by David Walsh

Watched:

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie with Nicola Sturgeon at the Edinburgh International Book Festival

Black Mirror: Alastair Campbell vs Charlie Brooker

A Monstress Comes of Age: Horror & Girlhood

Why is Audrey Hepburn still relevant?

The Queen’s Gambit - When the Genius is Female

The Most Disturbing Painting

Aldous Huxley and Brave New World: The Dark Side of Pleasure

The Aesthetic of Evil

Behavioural Insights - What They Are and Why They Matter

Van Gogh’s Ugliest Masterpiece

There Will Be Blood: Vocal Control in Movies

Snatch

Marcella (S3)

Listened to:

The Last Hangman by Hotel Lux

You’re Not God by Anna Calvi

Uber Capitalist Death Trade by Cabbage

Toxic by Anthony Willis

Come And Play With Me by DeathbyRomy

Typhoons by Royal Blood

Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beat

Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division

Brain by BANKS

Intimate Secretary by The Raconteurs

UGH! by The 1975

I’m Your Villain by Franz Ferdinand

Can’t Stand Losing You by The Police

VCR by The xx

Green Light by Lorde

Kiss by Prince & The Revolution

Why Do I Keep Counting? by The Killers

High Five by Sigrid

The Look by Metronomy

Went to:

Human Behaviour: the Biology of Human Beings at Our Best and Worst

Why Mental Health Goes Wrong and How to Make Sense of It

Barts x Imperial Neuroanatomy course

UCL Anatomy Society Neuroanatomy tutorials

The Changing Mind - A Neuroscientist’s Guide to Ageing Well

Vaccine Hesitancy: The Greatest Challenge to Ending a Pandemic

How To Solve the 21st Century’s Greatest Challenges

[thisizaraisu]

In/spectre vs The Detective is Already Dead: Every Masterpiece Has its Cheap Imitation

So I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. While I did only give In/spectre an 8/10 due to its admittedly weak pacing, it was also one of my favorite anime to come out last year. I love the character chemistry and banter, it was enough to make me forgive the pacing a million times over. And The Detective is Already Dead sets itself up similarly to In/spectre with some great character interaction and a main girl that reminded me a LOT of Kotoko (and you can take one look at my profile picture to know how I feel about Kotoko). But if you’ve been reading my posts, you’d have seen that The Detective is Already Dead was the first show I dropped this season. So while I was initially very interested in everything the show had set up, there was a point where it all went wrong, and admittedly I don’t think it was Episode 2. Today I wanna take a deep dive into both series, and explain why one is a masterpiece and one is a disappointment.

Structure

The Detective is Already Dead has the most screwed-up story structure I’ve ever seen in an anime... and I watched God of High School. My biggest problem with the way the show is structured is that the chronology being completely random isn’t my only issue. We gleam two major facts from episodes 1-3: Siesta has passed away, and her heart is within the body of another girl. For whatever ungodly reason, knowing this we go back to a flashback where Siesta is fighting a kaiju with toxic breath that could wipe out the entire nation of Japan. Now tell me, if Siesta were to be killed by this monster, would she have any salvageable body parts left over? Hell no. And therein lies my problem: the way that the story has already gone through its motions leaves NO room for feelings of stakes or tension in these flashback sequences. It’s not just the chronological whiplash that bogs the whole thing down, but the fact that we already know Siesta’s fate makes these “intense” flashback sequences utterly pointless (I’ll get to why “intense” was put in quotations later). I honestly did not mind the idol arc at all, but at the end of said arc, a new character was teased, only for her to not be introduced in the following episodes. There are SO many structural issues that I was baffled, it continually left me with more questions than answers and not in the way a good mystery series does so. More often than not, the question it left me with was “What the fuck were they thinking?”

In/spectre on the other hand is structurally sound. It jumps around occasionally but it covers events that are entirely relevant to the lives of our two lead characters and their relationship. Additionally, while the pacing is admittedly lackluster, it’s not confusing. We see the high-stakes war between Kotoko and Rikka unfold in real-time, with Kotoko’s plan to rid the world of Steel Lady Nanase encoutering numerous logical hurdles. Again, I’ll get into why this works down the line. But for now, I wanna talk a bit more about:

Character Chemistry

The chemistry between Kotoko and Kuro is a real saving grace for the show. I’m gonna be bringing up the term “saving grace” a few more times for In/spectre, and I do realize that the term is typically used for good qualities of bad media, but here’s where I’m coming from on this: pacing is something that I typically put a LOT of stock into for an anime. However, when the other qualities are so enjoyable that I can put weak pacing to the side, I consider those qualities a saving grace. All that being said, every interaction between Kotoko and Kuro brought a genuine smile to my face. The witty banter and innuendo shared between them is not only well-written, but reserved for the right moments. It never breaks the tension that the show has worked so hard to build up, rather it’s present in their initial meeting, their moments shared in the hotel, and after the conflicts they encounter have been resolved. There are occasionally tongue-and-cheek jokes thrown into the preludes to action sequences but they’re very quick laughs as immediately after we’re thrown right back into the action. The timing and writing in In/spectre is just top-notch and they’re a direct result of how naturally Kotoko and Kuro’s conversations flow and how well the two completely different leads compliment each other.

The only character Kimihiko had good chemistry with is fucking dead now. Moving on.

Action

In/spectre is not very heavy on the action, but two scenes in the show’s runtime did make my jaw drop: the conclusion of episode 1, and the scene where Kuro pulls his body across the I-beam impaled into his chest to punch Nanase in the face. Kotoko and Kuro have a bit of a “brains and brawn” dynamic going on. While Kuro is by no means unsmart, Kotoko is definitely more of the master strategist, while Kuro can use his immortality to keep their target at bay. This present is incredibly present in the fight with Steel Lady Nanase. Kuro is constantly knocked down, battered, bruised, impaled, yet he keeps rising back up to give Kotoko enough time to work her magic. It’s a plan that promises nothing but searing pain for Kuro, and throughout it all I was constantly wondering, at what point will Kuro break? This has been happening for numerous episodes, when will he not be able to get back up? The fact that In/spectre made me feel that there were stakes for an IMMORTAL BEING is, in hindsight, kind of amazing.

In direct contrast, The Detective is Already Dead really falls off after the first fight. While looking back on it, it is really dumb that Siesta was able to bring a gun onto an airplane, on first watch I honestly really liked what I was seeing in the fight between her and tentacle boy (I don’t remember his name and I don’t feel like looking it up). And what got me REALLY invested was the way Siesta didn’t actually kill him, rather faking his death and having him imprisoned. I was invested for a key reason: the show’s title isn’t exactly spoiler-free, but it got me wondering, is Siesta ACTUALLY dead? Is she truly gone from this world, or is her “death” in name only like Tentacle Boy’s, and do I actually get to see more of this enjoyable, In/spectre-style character dynamic? Sadly, this was thwarted by episode 2′s reveal of the girl that received Siesta’s heart. Again, a horrifically paced sequence between episodes that kills any momentum the series had built up.

Additionally, it was during the fight between Siesta and Petelguise that I felt the show had genuinely hit rock bottom, because they made a fight between a cute waifu in a mech suit and a kaiju that could wipe out all of Japan in a moment’s notice BORING. I didn’t touch on it much during my initial explanation of why I dropped the show, but I wanna elaborate a bit. First of all, as I said previously, there are no stakes to be found. We KNOW that Siesta can’t die here. Secondly, the movement is just so wooden, there’s no attempt at animating the fight in an exciting way, rather it just feels like they’re going through the motions to convey the words of the light novel without trying to get it to translate to video form. Finally, there’s WAY too much dialogue and it drags down the entire sequence by making the chase scene way longer than it needs to be, and given the show’s propensity to really over-season every scene with dialogue, I imagine this was the same for future action sequences as well. I dropped the show as soon as Siesta jumped onto the clock tower with Petelguise, because it was in that moment I realized: I feel literally nothing right now.

The last point of comparison I want to draw between these two shows is:

Bullshit

Thinking about the very different way these two shows use the art of bullshitting is honestly the reason I wanted to make this post. Kotoko’s solution to the entire Steel Lady Nanase conflict is, after all, the art of bullshitting. What makes it work is the fact that it’s the perfect solution to what the situation calls for. I know this is a bit of an odd comparison, but In/spectre is like a reverse version of Elf starring Will Ferrell. Unlike how at the end of Elf, they wanted to make everyone believe in Santa to restore his power, Kotoko’s ambition is to get the Internet to toss out their belief in Steel Lady Nanase to rid her of her power as a “monster of the imagination.” If people maintain their belief in this monster of Rikka’s imagination, there’s no realistic way to stop her. Here lies the biggest obstacle, however: the power of imagination is so strong that Nanase has become a very real entity, responsible for multiple murders. Kotoko can’t just magically find an incriminating piece of evidence that outs Nanase as superstition, so her only solution is to trick the people of the internet and convince them that she’s a myth. As she does this, her invented inference runs into skepticism and she has to continue to bullshit her way out of it until finally, she’s created an explanation for the recent string of murders with no holes in its argument. It’s an arduous process but one that does have to be drawn out as Kotoko very clearly and intentionally sets up explanations that would draw skepticism before inventing an excuse that refutes any potential counter-arguments. It’s honestly the equivalent to someone writing a 50-page college thesis with no research and successfully defending it.

Siesta, on the other hand, is the most annoying kind of supergenius character. Personally, I love Siesta. I think her character design is great, I think she’s funny and that she shares some really enjoyable dialogue with Kimihiko, so when the show isn’t butchering fight scenes I actually really enjoyed her screen time. So it’s not Siesta herself that bothers me, but it’s the way that the plot is so willing to let her make perfect deductions with the most minimal knowledge given to her. This also reminds me a bit of Sherlock in Moriarty the Patriot, with his ability to make perfect deductions from just a glance at the scene of the crime, but it works well in Holmes’ case because all of the necessary evidence is in that confined space. Siesta on the other hand is just magically able to decipher a villain’s motivation and weaknesses with a two-minute conversation... yeah I don’t buy it.

So that’s about it, I probably could have drawn up more contrasts if I had actually continued watching The Detective is Already Dead, but it became such an abject disappointment that I just ended up going back to In/spectre instead. You know, a mystery show where the writers and animators knew what they were doing.

[ais-for-alex]

The Scars of Our Past: chapter 24

Hiya 👋 hope y’all enjoy this chapter =D

All the while Finn’s mind just kept wandering back to that morning he woke up in Leo’s arms. He had looked almost ethereal, the soft morning sunlight turning those blond curls splayed out over his pillow into a golden halo framing Leo’s soft sleeping face. Finn had sighed, relaxing his body completely to form against Leo. He relished in the strength of those arms wrapped so very secure around him, holding him safe and close, he never wanted to move. Finn didn’t want even an inch of space between his body and Leo’s because somehow the closer he pressed into that warmth the easier it was to ignore the growing feeling inside him that something was missing- someone was missing.

Finn's heart ached; he knew exactly who was missing. Logan, Finn could almost feel the way his body should fit against his own, fit against Leo’s, both of them so warm in his bed. As he lay there in Leo’s arms thinking about Logan an odd fluttery sensation took up residence in his stomach, it was unpleasant and sent buzzy zing through his veins, it almost… it almost felt like guilt. Finn couldn’t stop it, he felt guilty. Guilty for lying there in Leo’s arms while wishing for Logan and guilty that everything in his was begging to be closer to Leo when Logan was taking up his thoughts. Everything was so confusing; his brain ran in circles between the two of them until he just wanted to cry.

Leo sighed softly in his sleep, he shifted wrapping his arms tight around Finn’s torso and rolling them on to their sides, cocooning Finn in long limbs and warmth. Finn felt so very safe there, tucked into Leo’s chest, a jolt of tender affection rushed through him pooling in his belly. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning in and pressing a kiss filled with every unspoken emotion inside him directly over Leo’s heart. Their position felt so very intimate, Leo’s large palms pressed against Finn's back holding him close, like a lover.

But he wasn’t, was he? A sharp pain shot through Finn's heart at that thought, this place wasn’t meant for him. The warmth of Leo’s embrace wasn’t his to enjoy because he wasn’t his partner, this was a borrowed moment. Gathering every ounce of willpower Finn carefully slipped out of Leo’s arms, he needed to think, needed to get his brain and his heart back on the same page when it came to Leo and Logan. He needed to run.

Finn bit back a little smile that tried to sneak onto his face as he watched Leo let out an exasperated huff in his sleep. Leo scrunched his face into a cute pout and pulled one of Finn's pillows closer only to bury his face in it. Quietly making his way over to his desk Finn snagged a notebook and quickly scribbled out a note explaining where he was going, for when Leo woke up alone.

He placed the paper where he had lain only moments ago wishing he could just crawl back into the dip in the mattress and back into the warmth. Finn looked at Leo with soft eyes, he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and gently brushing a bit of that soft blond hair out of his face tucking it behind his ear with careful fingers. Leo just sighed and pressed his nose into Finn's pillow completely lost in blissful sleep.

Finally turning away from the man in his bed, Finn grabbed a shirt and his running shoes and quietly made his way out of his apartment. Then, he ran.

Finn ran far and hard until his body burned, his lungs, his legs, even his skin felt like it had been set on fire and yet for some reason his overheated body didn’t burn away the feelings that had pooled in his heart. Slowing to a light jog Finn realized he had made it all the way into the main part of the city and was currently jogging along the winding river sparkling in the early morning light.

Finn let his legs carry him while his mind began to turn gears and cogs, trying to make sense of everything that had happened since Leo had skated into his life.

***

A couple days after that emotionally charged night when Leo finally opened up about the horrific tragedy that left him haunted by the specters of the loved ones he lost; Finn had to push all of those thoughts out of his mind because the Lions had a game. Gryffindor vs Slytherin on their home ice. While the game itself wasn’t exactly the most important one of the season, not by a long shot, every Slytherin game felt like it was high stakes and that day Finn was definitely feeling excited jitters in anticipation.

He had tried to convince Leo to come but Finn understood his decision to stay home that night, it was still so hard for him to be surrounded by the reminders of everything he lost. Finn didn’t have time to dwell on it though because in what seemed like the blink of an eye everyone was gearing up and heading to the ice for warm ups. He laughed aloud as he caught James carefully inspecting his blue Gatorade and shooting death glares in Logan’s direction. The whole team was tense, on edge as the Slytherins moved on the opposite end of the ice running through their own warm ups.

The first two periods were rough, neither team making much progress as they fought to bring the puck down the ice only for it to be snaked away again. The score sat at 0:0 going into the third period, every player tense with the desire to break the stalemate and gain some momentum for their team. The Snakes were playing dirty, they had racked up several penalties for high sticking and tripping. Frustrated by the stagnate score Finn pushed himself harder, with a hard check to Snape he got the puck on his stick and fought to get a ways down the ice. He spotted Sirius open and quickly flicked the puck over just before he got hit himself. Finn was fast to recover as Sirius took the puck the rest of the way down the ice, there was a tense moment between the Lions captain and Riddle but Sirius quickly flicked the puck past him with a beautiful shot officially breaking the score and putting the lions in the lead.

The team slammed Sirius into the boards in celebration affectionately slapping his helmet as they made their way over to line up for the face off. The Lions won the puck, it was quickly shot over to Logan who began fighting his way closer to the Snakes goal. Finn could have sworn the next moments passed in slow motion, because though it must have only been a split second he saw every move in crystal clarity. Logan was skating along the boards moving the puck up the ice toward the goal when what seemed like out of nowhere Carrow was there next to him. He shoved Logan so hard into the glass it nearly lifted him off his feet, the end of Carrows stick coming up under his visor and slashing him violently in the face. Logan dropped to his knees as bright red blood began dripping onto the ice through his fingers as he pressed a hand over his eye.

White hot anger flared to life inside Finn's chest at the sight of Logan down, injured on the ice. Before he could stop himself Finn dropped his stick and gloves, throwing them away from himself. Carrow didn’t even see him coming before Finn had a hand fisted into his jersey and the other punching him full strength in the face.

The crowd roared, thrilled to watch the fight but Finn didn’t hear it past the blood rushing in his ears, anger and adrenaline fueling him as he pummeled Carrow down onto the ice. The Lions and everyone else on the ice stood in shock at the sight of Finn’s rare display of aggression, the refs snapped out of it first pulling Finn off of the now bloody faced Carrow.

Distantly he could hear the commentators and the still frantic audience but Finn didn’t really care, he glanced over to see Logan blood still dripping down his face from a large gash in his eyebrow he had an unreadable expression in his eyes that Finn had no idea how to interpret. Instead he quickly looked away, and began making his way off the ice not even waiting for the refs to make the official call, he knew he was done in this game. Out of the corner of his eye Finn saw a paramedic come out to lead Logan off the ice as well, rather than following him into the locker room though they headed into the quiet room to take care of the cut.

Finn stalked over to his stall and sat down heavily, he looked down at his hands and saw the blood on his knuckles, he flexed them feeling the ache. Adrenaline was still coursing through his veins making Finn feel buzzy, he heard the crowded stadium roar as the third period resumed, the lions now down two players.

Sighing deeply Finn began unlacing his skates and pulling off his pads. He had stripped down to basically just his Under Armour when the locker room door banged open and Logan came walking through in a huff coming to a stop just in front of Finn’s stall. The gash through his eyebrow was held closed by a steri strip, he still had smudges of dried blood on his jaw, his neck, even soaked into the front of his jersey.

“What the fuck was that?” Logan asked with the sharp bite of anger in his voice.

It was quiet for a moment, Logan evidently waiting for an answer but Finn had no idea how to explain the rage and the fear that had burned through him when he had seen Logan get hit, when he saw him bleeding, so he simply shrugged.

“Are you ok?” he asked rather than answering.

Logan scoffed and rolled his eyes, “Yeah, I am.”

“Why are you mad at me?” Finn asked, exasperated by the irritation written all over Logan’s face. He stood up to stand face to face with Logan who with the added height of his skates was just about as tall as him.

“Because you got yourself thrown out of the fucking game Finn!” Logan snapped, “over what? A dirty hit? I was fine! And watching you out there, it was like I barely even recognized you. You nearly broke Carrow's face!”

“Carrows a douche.”

“That’s not the point!” Logan shouted.

“No, you’re right it’s not,” Finn snarled. They were standing close now, chest to chest, breathing hard from anger, “this is about you ! Why can’t you just let someone care about you for once!”

Logan was speechless for a moment; Finn could see it in his eyes that his words were working their way into his brain.

“I don’t need you to fight my fights, Finn,” Logan said softly, no longer shouting and taking a step back.

“Then what the fuck do you need!” Finn cried out, finally snapping completely. For the first time after years of dancing around each other he couldn’t take it anymore, “I’m not a fucking mind reader! What do you need from me! Lo, I’ll give it to you in a heartbeat but I can’t do this anymore.”

“I-“ Logan looked shocked, Finn watched him open his mouth and close it again, his eyes were locked on Logan’s, they were bright and wide.

“J'ai seulement besoin de toi,” Logan's voice dropped to a whisper, the words flowed like water from his mouth but to Finn they sounded like retreating footsteps, like doors closing as Logan ran away yet again.

“Every. Single. Time.” He said closing his eyes and breathing in deep, filling his lungs until they felt like bursting and when Finn exhaled it was full of hurt.

“You know,” he said softly, the anger faded in the pain of Logan's blatant refusal to talk to him, “I can see it in your eyes when you do that.” Finn took a step closer, “Logan, I can read you like a book, and every time we get close to something, I watch it build in your eyes like you’re about to finally say it, finally reach out and grab the hand I’ve been holding out to you. But then I watch as you cave in, I watch you give up and run away in fear.”

“Finn, I-“ Logan started, his voice breaking with emotion, “I’m sorry.”

Finn felt the apology like the lash of a whip against his skin, it made him step back leaving Logan’s space, “you’re willing to fight anyone at the drop of a hat, but Logan, you’re a fucking coward.”

A sheen of tears gathered in Logan's eyes making the green sparkle even in the dim locker room, he took a breath and turned to walk away but before he left Logan spoke one last time so softly Finn almost didn’t hear him.

“I know,” with that Logan quickly walked out of the locker room to rejoin their teammates for the end of the game leaving Finn there alone.

With a sigh he turned back to his stall to finish changing but as he pulled his shirt off the image of Logan's glassy eyes glistening with unshed tears flashed in his mind. Angrily Finn threw his shirt into the corner furious with himself for putting that look on Logan’s face but so incredibly hurt himself that he felt as if he was being ripped apart.

“I need a fucking drink,” he sighed before sitting down heavily preparing himself for the shitstorm he was going to be facing the minute the game was over.

French translation: I just need you

Read on ao3

Chapter 23 Chapter 25

[historyofshipping]

This is honestly one of my favorite parallels in the entire show. Living vs Surviving and how it connects to the head & the heart.

The show constantly makes the distinction between living and surviving. Surviving means that your body is doing all that is required to keep you a breathing, thinking human being. Living means experiencing life. It means loving, having relationships, having experiences - outside of war and basic survival. 

Earlier in the same episode, Murphy (our knows just how much Bellamy loves Clarke, knows that Bellamy will burn Sanctum to the ground over Clarke, Murphy) says: “Bellamy, if we take this deal, we get everything we want. We get to live.”

Bellamy: “Not Clarke.”

Murphy: “We can't bring her back. We can make sure the rest of us survive, starting with you.”

The implication by Bellamy is that we - he - only survives when Clarke is gone. He cannot live without her. Murphy knows this because he watched Bellamy mourn her for 6 years on the Ring. Murphy is the one who uses Clarke as an emotional trigger for Bellamy even after six years - (going back to 5x03 and Murphy brings up Clarke to convince Bellamy to commit mass murder in order to survive. M: “If Clarke was here, this wouldn't even be”  - B: “Clarke's not here!”)

This is why he absolutely cannot let Clarke stay dead. He knows what it’s like to survive without living and he doesn’t want to do it again. He can’t do it again. 

Now here’s my issue with JRoth’s characterization of Bellamy as saving everyone by saving Clarke - everyone was safe with Clarke dead. Bellamy was literally plotting out where they were going to live with Russell when Bellamy dropped everything to go save Clarke. No one else - other than Madi - were nightbloods so no one else was in danger. By literal definition. Bellamy put them in danger by trying to save Clarke.

But Bellamy’s living is directly tied to Clarke’s. He wants to live. 

The heart and the head & how it fits in

Head Bellamy survives when Clarke is dead. Heart Bellamy can only exist with “head” Clarke. The brain can survive without the heart. The brain has to tell the heart to beat. It’ll keep going for a bit after the heart stops though. The head can survive without the heart, but you can only live with the heart. 

The show even literally drives this home. When Clarke dies, Gabriel says: “Latent neural activity continues for a short time after death, but once the head stops telling the heart to beat, it's over, OK?” right before our epic Clarke resurrection - where Bellamy admits for the first time that he needs Clarke. 

And Le.xa fits into it too because she tells Clarke at one point: “I do care, Clarke, but I made this choice with my head and not my heart. The duty to protect my people comes first.” She later realizes that the head is about survival while the heart is about living. And, as we started out with, life is about more than just surviving.