#and his monsters

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers West Coast #54: THE TROUBLED EARTH

January, 1990

Wasp: "My stings are useless against the Mole Man's creature, Hank!" Dr Pym: "Torch, help us!" Robot Human Torch: "Don't worry, Dr Pym, the Avengers have only begun to fight!" US Agent: "All of you, shut up and fight!" Wonder Man: "The five of you can't do it alone! It's time for Wonder Man to take a hand!" Iron Man: "It'll take more than rubble to keep Iron Man out of action!"

Hah.

Fantastic Four #1 homage.

With the Human Torch playing the role of the Human Torch.

And look at US Agent criticizing everyone else's performance when he's never around.

I guess the Avengers West Coast are fighting Mole Man for Acts of Vengeance. If the Avengers ever have, I don't really remember it.

Good job, Acts of Vengeance! Finally an Avengers matchup that hasn't happened yet!

Last times in Avengers West Coast: Everything keeps happening to Wanda so now she's catatonic. I don't blame her. She's had her husband disassembled and then put back together different. She's been stuffed with racism goo. Her children were eaten by a devil-worshipping Hollywood phony and then turned out to be devil chunks. And she keeps having to participate in bad event comics.

Also, a secret conspiracy of top villains and the Wizard have schemed a scheme but actually it's Definitely Loki's scheme to destroy the Avengers and other heroes by wearing them down fighting fights they don't usually fight.

Doom robots sank Avengers Island. The U-Foes attacked the Avengers West Coast Compound. Freedom Force Attacked Avengers Park (the original location of Avengers Mansion before it was moved to an island). And now the Avengers are being confronted with a rogue Fantastic Four homage.

Stuff just keeps happening.

For example, this.

Wonder Man and Iron Man happen to be flying above the city when this happens.

Actually, they're looking for the U-Foes from last time. So that plot line gets carried at least this far before the Avengers get side-tracked by giant monster attack.

Honestly, when a giant monster starts smashing things up, you do have to put some stuff on the backburner.

Iron Man flies up at the monster. Since knocking it over with repulsors could cause more damage, Iron Man instead zips underneath the monster and lifts it into the air.

Why, yes, the Iron Man armor can lift that much.

You're pretty cool, Iron Man.

Although, one hopes he's lifting by the stomach and not by the monster junk.

US Agent shows up, for once, and asks why Iron Man doesn't just kill the monster.

Iron Man: "That might be a trifle rash, don't you think? We've both read enough science fiction stories, I'm sure, to know this might be a confused alien... even an extraterrestrial child."

I legitimately like this moment. It's a good point to make.

And it's a good contrast between both Iron Man and US Agent and US Agent and the real Captain America.

Iron Man decides to dump the giant monster in the off-shore shallows. And he has to use his repulsors to quickly make a wall of sand to keep the resulting tidal wave from flooding the area.

Another good moment of thinking the situation through.

Meanwhile, Wonder Man has found the giant hole the monster clawed its way out of and decides to follow the tunnel to find its origin.

The robot Human Torch shows up to join him.

Wonder Man asks if he's okay from last issue, where he got irradiated pretty badly. But Jim Hammond repeats his claim from last issue that radiation doesn't do much to his robot body.

It's actually lucky that robot Human Torch showed up. Because it gets pretty dark pretty quickly as they fly down the giant tunnel.

While they go, Wonder Man muses on the differences between the Vision and the robot Human Torch. They're made out of similar stuff but Jim Hammond is so lifelike it's hard to believe that he's a robot man. While Vision always sounded so cold and robotic, even when his brain worked good.

Huh. In Byrne's grand new vision for, uh, Vision, I wonder why that is.

Arguably, Dr Horton was just better at programming brains than Ultron. Heck, in Vision's original backstory, that was true. Ultron had to bring in Professor Horton to work on the Human Torch body since Ultron wasn't up to snuff.

It's funny that Hank Pym will later become known as the god of robotics, for creating Ultron, which led to Vision and Jocasta and others. When Hank Pym's method "cheats" by using human brain patterns while back during World War II Professor Horton was just able to create a robot brain that behaves indistinguishably from a human.

Ain't it sad, Hank?

Anyway, once Wonder Man and Human Torch hit about a mile down, they start seeing beasties.

Who immediately start attacking.

Because Mole Man told them to.

Hi, Mole Man.

Meanwhile, above the Rocky Mountains, an Avengers quinjet on autopilot flies Dr Pym, Wasp, and Scarlet Witch back to the west to rejoin the rest of the team.

Annnnnnd.

Scarlet Witch is catatonic again.

She came out of it in West Coast Avengers #53 when Dr Pym lied that Vision was in danger. And she was fine(ish) during Avengers #312. But after they left Vision behind in New York, Wanda just went catatonic again.

I WONDER WHAT THE COMMON CONNECTION IS?

Anyway.

Unpacking what's wrong with Wanda has to wait.

The Quinjet just got into a traffic accident.

Geez. They lose so many Quinjets.

Tricephalous really just appears out of nowhere. The autopilot tries to dodge but the Quinjet still gets clipped by the back toes of the giant beastie.

And by clipped I mean half of the Quinjet gets sheared off.

Geez.

I sorta wonder how Tricephalous knew to find them out here. It's not like the Giganto Iron Man just dumped into the sea knew where the Avengers were specifically. It just emerged into the city and started smashing stuff.

That's a huge difference from a flying monster intercepting the Avengers' exact flight plan in miles of open air.

And if it wasn't intentional, what was Tricephalous doing all the way out there?

Hopefully questions to be answered later.

The Quinjet crashes because that's what happens when it loses its top half.

Dr Pym tells Wasp he'll shrink Wanda so Wasp can carry her to safety. But Hank can't safely shrink anymore so he's planning on dying, I guess.

But then the Quinjet gently floats above the ground instead of impacting in a giant explosion.

Hank speculates some kind of magnetic field just. Set the Quinjet down.

He's not going to question it.

HE SHOULD BUT HE'S NOT GOING TO RIGHT NOW.

BIGGER PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH.

Dr Pym: "Quick! Take Wanda! Get her to cover! There's one last chance we may have against this monster!" Wasp: "Hank... What are you going to do...??" Dr Pym: "Don't ask questions, Janet. And for god's sake don't distract me!"

Sigh.

Remember how I complained that Wasp, a veteran Avenger and proven leader in her own right, has been jammed back into the role of Hank Pym's sidekick?

Anyway.

Hank shrinks Tricephalous.

Just makes him a tiny li'l monster.

With that taken care of, Hank instructs Wasps to go over to a ranger station they can spot about a mile away and arrange transport.

Meanwhile, Magneto lurks in the woods.

Because, duh. Was it going to be anyone else once the Quinjet was gently set down with magnets?

Magneto muses that his daughter and Dr Pym will be perfectly safe in Magneto's care.

I don't know whether that means he's going to magnet them away someplace or whether he's just magnetically keeping bears away.

How did Magneto know to be here?

Magneto also thinks he's the true mastermind of Acts of Vengeance, just like how every one of the top villains and Wizard think they're the mastermind but really Definitely Loki is the real mastermind.

Meanwhile, back underground in California, Wonder Man asks why the heck is Mole Man hassling the Avengers. Doesn't he usually just bother the Fantastic Four?

Look, just because we have a Human Torch and almost hired the Thing once and just because Mr Fantastic and Invisible Woman were Avengers once doesn't mean we are the Fantastic Four!

Is what Wonder Man would have said if he were cool.

But it's none of those things. Mole Man is mad because Wonder Man and Iron Man attacked Monster Island!

Mole Man: "I had returned once again to my former home, seeking peace in this troubled world. But you so-called superheroes were not about to let me find the tranquility I craved. Miraculously, I survived your assault. I chose, then, to strike back with the mightiest creatures of my subterranean realm. With Giganto, the largest creature ever to walk the land. With the flying Tricephalous, dispatched to attack your comrades in the east."

Okay. So Tricephalous was just flying cross-country to attack the East Coast Avengers and happened to cross paths with Hank, Wasp, and Wanda.

And then they happened to crash near Magneto.

Pretty contrived.

Jim Hammond, robot Human Torch speaks up to vouch that the Avengers definitely haven't attacked Monster Island.

Humorously, this whole time Mole Man was assuming he was Johnny Storm until Jim spoke up and didn't sound like him. Now he's thinking its a weird, not very good imposter. But he doesn't particularly care either.

Back above ground, Giganto starts walking back towards the beach.

Iron Man tries to think of a new plan while US Agent ignores Iron Man's request that he show some restraint.

So US Agent wheels around his sky-cycle and then hits the accelerator to blast the Giganto in the eye with the rocket exhaust. Then he wheels back around and flares the engine again to do the monster a startle.

While narrating everything he's doing just so we know what it is.

Very kind of you, US Agent, talking to no one.

Then the monster smacks him out of the air and it is

So

CATHARTIC.

I'm sad that Iron Man saves him from plummeting to his death. But Iron Man is a nice guy like that.

US Agent: "Ugnn! Didn't even see it start to move! How..." Iron Man: "I'll make you a deal, Agent. If you don't say 'how can anything so big be so fast'... I won't say, 'I told you so!'"

Ha.

Meanwhile, underground.

Wonder Man and the robot Human Torch have been fighting Mole Man's smaller monsters for a while. Long enough that Wonder Man's costume gets torn in that leading man way.

You know, to show off his chest but still over one shoulder like he's Tarzan.

But now Wonder Man decides "enough is too much!" and declares that the Avengers had nothing to do with the attack on Monster Island and to prove it, he's going to let Mole Man murder him!

He's really just going to stand still, not defend himself at all, and let Mole Man do whatever.

And this will prove he doesn't mean Mole Man any harm, right?

Although after blasting Wonder Man repeatedly, Mole Man stops. Why would the guy take so much punishment if he's not telling the truth?

He doesn't necessarily believe Wonder Man but there's a shred of doubt now that someone is playing him for a fool. And he doesn't like that.

So Mole Man blows a whistle and up top the Giganto retreats back to the ocean like Godzilla.

Iron Man is able to detect the signal with his fancy suit sensors and figures big guy has been called home.

So he drops US Agent into the ocean so can follow the Giganto under the water and sees a giant hole where the guy must have burrowed back underground.

Well, that solves that.

Later, back at the Avengers West Coast Compound, the Avengers listen to a news report about Congress debating a super powers registration act with one ear while also discussing the happenings with Captain America with the other.

Hank has looked at all the supposed isolated incidents plaguing superheroes and connected the dots.

Someone is out to destroy the Avengers.

There have been attacks on other heroes but those attacks have been less organized compared to the ones on the Avengers which seem to keep targeting their headquarters.

The attack that sank Avengers Island, the U-Foes attack on the Avengers West Coast Mansion, the attack on Avengers Park (although that one wasn't actually part of the conspiracy so never mind).

Dun dun dun!

I mean, we already knew this but I'm glad the Avengers have caught up to the audience.

Next time, Avengers #313, where the conspiracy starts to unravel with barely any effort from the Avengers.

Follow @essential-avengers for more words arranged in sentences and paragraphs that talk about Avengers and Avengers but in California. Like and reblog maybe.

[marypsue]

Keep seeing that post where OP starts like 'Thinking about...grieving the undead' and then adds on about like. Real life situations where people have not died but have left your life and you would have reason to grieve them.

All respect, that's an important concept, but that is not what I am thinking about when I read 'grieving the undead'.

[warthogreporter]

And now, a brief look at the human fucker community on a monster version of tumblr

🐙 WetterThanYou Follow

It's so sad that humans can't breathe underwater, makes bringing them to my lair so much harder

👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow

Was anyone going to tell me humans can't breathe underwater or was I supposed to just learn that from a text post?

🐙WetterThanYou Follow

Please tell me you didn't seriously look at humans and go 'they look like they can breathe underwater'

👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow

I thought they were like lions and how some live in the sea :(

🦁BEaST-MAN Follow

DID YOU THINK SEA LIONS WERE LITERAL LIONS?!

👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow

They're not? 😭😭😭

(10,053 Notes)

🐺HereWolf Follow

Vampires will be like 'I love humans' and then transform every human they know into another vampire. Weak. You are like someone who only watches Marvel movies and calls themselves a filmbuff.

🏏Batass Follow

Hey OP this is an important part of many vampire cultures so you should tone it down because this is really offensive.

🐺HereWolf Follow

You should get a culture that isn't fucking lame.

🦁BEaST-MAN Follow

OP you are literally a werewolf. And into throwing stones in glass houses I guess.

🐺HereWolf Follow

Gurl you don't know the amount of effort I put into keeping my human girlfriend a human girlfriend because I love her for being a human.

(8,000 Notes)

💚CraftedLove Follow

In the club on a date with a human straight up breaking it. And by 'it,' haha, well. Let's just say. His sanity.

(42,069 Notes)

🧙‍♂️ Crystal-Rooster-and-Orbs Follow

Sick of getting added to group chats like 'plots to overthrow our lieges.' Yes, I am both an evil wizard and an evil vizier. But I'm not plotting any treachery because my king is also evil, and so is my queen. We are in an evil polycule and give each other evil night kisses.

🧙‍♂️ Crystal-Rooster-and-Orbs Follow

Also stop telling me about the evil queen's OnlyFans like the king and I aren't helping her run it. Who do you think is taking the pictures? You have no idea how many evil yet deeply impractical schemes it's given us the economic cushion to do.

(48,835 Notes)

🤼‍♂️Bitch-of-Heracles Follow

Need me a human who will hold me like this and just destroy me 😍

♣️HeraclesOfficial✅ Follow

Hey.

🤼‍♂️Bitch-of-Heracles Follow

WHY DID NOBODY THINK TO WARN ME HERACLES WAS ON THIS WEBSITE?!

(33,333 Notes)

This now has a sequel, and a third act

[christiansinglebabes]

Kabru getting a taste of his own medicine

[specshroom]

⋆˚🐾˖°

Wolf hybrid who is sooooo excited to experience his bunny hybrid partners first heat. So excited that he vastly underestimates just how horny bunnies are in heat.

He's expecting his cute little bunny partner (you) to cry and beg for his knot. Which you do and he knots and cums inside you twice but then right after his knot deflates you look up at him and go "Again?"

He's a little tired but he can't say no to you...

Until it's the sixth fucking round and you're still bouncing on his very overstimulated cock. He knows it's very bad to interrupt a bunny while they're so deep in heat but he might just pass out and you're so lost in the sauce you might just keep going if he does.

He needs to think of a way to satisfy you that won't literally kill him. He gets an idea and reaches for his phone. It's really embarrassing but the best thing he can think of at that moment is to open the group chat, aptly named "The Boys", and hastily text:

[Hey guys can u come over]

[I need sum help with something]

⋆˚🐾˖°

[percabetn]

i can’t stop thinking about how annabeth e-mailed percy the photo of her at dc but this doofus decided to print it and put it in his notebook to stare at her whenever he could. talk about dedication

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF Into the pit? More like into the daddy issues

[demigods-posts]

currently obsessed with the idea of everyone viewing percy as a forced to never be messed with. for the sea is unpredictable and does not like to be restrained and all that jazz. except, frank and hazel. who only see him as just a little guy. a soldier left to his own devices out on the streets with nothing to comfort him but a panda pillow pet and a lingering memory of a girl he loves. he's just a little guy you guys.

[mateusbolado]

interesting how fords been surrounded by triangles his entire life. looks like ford and bill were always doomed to meet each other

ford did seem to think that he is destined to be in gravity falls, destined to be part of greater things, and bill also thought he was "destined for so much more"

to quote on alex, "that's ford's great flaw, is arrogance. is he believes that there's special people, and everyone else. that human attachments are actually weaknesses. and the song and dance that he’s giving dipper right now, is the song and dance that he gave mcgucket, back when they were younger… ‘you and me are different, we’re better than everyone else. we have a path that no one else can understand, and only us can do this.’"

i think at some point bill really thought ford was the one that UNDERSTOOD him (well, ford did think "why did rudolph not simply kill the other reindeer? he shouldve burned his workshop to the ground"). some of his henchmaniacs didnt seem to actually like bill at all

quick edit for something ive found:

this is from "dreamscaperers", and apparently ford had been dreaming about the cipher wheel for weeks before he even found the cave. enough times that he was even able to perfectly draw the wheel on the journal. bill didnt even know about ford yet.

[bluegiragi]

group huddle!

early access + nsfw on patreon monster!AU masterpost

[sclappin]

Man whose definition of "monster" is extremely flexible.

[squarecloud73]

*I worship you Tumblr please don’t remove it

Picky eater

[fumifooms]

Omg guys he just genuinely likes bugs and mollusks and critters 😭💘💔 Forced to noble when he just wanna crouch and watch things skitter in the dirt…

[ruporas]

need to exist in your warmth (id in alt)

[deunmiu-dessie]

he misses you. he misses you like a flower misses the sun. like the desert misses the rain. like you are the entirety of his being. as if you hold the key to his fierce, thumping bloody heart within the palm of your hands, like he is nothing without you— and perhaps he isn't. he doesn't feel like himself, no, in fact, he feels empty. like a shell of the man he used to be before you. he feels as though the world has lost its color, its meaning, and it makes him feel bare— it makes him feel.

he misses you. he misses the warmth of your perfume, a sweet and spicy blended aroma of saffron and sugared lavender. he misses your smile, all wide and pretty— genuine and charming, and always all for him. he misses the sound of your laughter, raw and boisterous, but sometimes soft and breathy, intimate. he misses your kisses, shy and cloying— yet fierce and angry at times as well. he misses the small things, like the scatter of moles across the expanse of your body that he finds himself counting when he can't fall asleep. or the way you fuss over him, mumbling curses and your love for him all in the same sentence.

he is nothing without you, and he knows it all too well.

the soft jangle of your keys in the lock makes him look up from his journal, the door swinging open. and despite himself, he finds that he's softened underneath your warm, loving gaze. ah, he also misses the sound of your voice, euphonious and soft, a tone you use for him specifically.

❝why are you looking at me like that?❞

he can feel his heart dance within his chest, pounding fiercely as you slant your hip to the side, the very same hips he adores holding onto when swaying with you to music. your eyes, which always seem to sweep him under with their intensity with no fail, are glittering with mirth, it knocks the breath from his chest. ❝ i adore you,❞ he utters— he sounds like a fool in love, and he doesn't particularly mind it. your cheeks flush with color and you playfully roll your eyes. that's alright, you don't need to say it back, he knows.

❝help me with the groceries?❞

he? ⸺ SIMON, gojo satoru, DAMON SALVATORE, soap, older!TANJIRO, scott mccall, GAZ, clark kent, EMMETT CULLEN, leon kennedy, STEVE HARRINGTON, giyu tomioka, JOHN PRICE, loran, ULYSSES, rick grimes, KÖNIG, dick grayson, SPENCER REID.

honestly it can be anyone you envision.

[mintaikk]

I fuck hard with Asexual Venom, but the idea of Venom, an alien whose species doesn't breed sexually and don't have concepts of sex, being sexually attracted to some boring sad and sweaty white guy he picked up on the streets is just so funny to me