#and i cant bring myself to ask anyone to take care of her for me so i can go.. goof off. no matter how much i need it i just CAN'T

[crypt1dcorv1dae]

people dont talk about being trans when you have a family member with memory/cognitive issues. my mom can barely differentiate between me (a grown adult) and her 4 year old granddaughter. she keeps forgetting that everyone but me has moved out. almost every night she gets worried that we have a baby here that isnt being watched properly. how the hell am i supposed to TRANSITION and go by my new name and present the way i really want to when half the time she ALREADY doesnt seem to recognize me???

im not.. trying to make it about me. trust me i spend MOST of my time worrying about her and making sure she's ok, but i cant deny that a big part of why i haven't made the move to stary medically transitioning is because i dont want to confuse or upset my mom... even at the expense of my own happiness

[aliaology]

NOW THAT WE DONT TALK

summary: yn makes it to michigan with her friend sabrina, shockingly, reconnecting with old friends and also bumping into bad memories.

series masterlist

you felt weird, the stares of others pouring heavily onto your body. you didn’t like it, the feeling, whatsoever. the crowd parted as you walked into the house. the memories from this house flooded through your mind, from running to your room away from jack, to even skinny dipping with him in the lake.

you watched cole leap up and made his way to you, leaving a very uncomfortable jack and trevor behind. "bells! you made it" he grinned.

the shorter boy threw his arms around you in happiness. "hey coley, i told you i'd be here" you smiled, hugging him back.

"i know but it's just, unreal! i haven't seen you in forever!" he smiled.

you frowned. "im sorry cole, ive been really busy in toronto and it doesn't help that i feel so out of place in michigan now.." you trailed off.

"dont sweat it, bells. im just glad you're here" he smiled at you. "how long are you staying here for?" he asked.

"well— sab leaves tomorrow, im staying to get my dorm situated back at umich" you told. cole nodded.

"get lunch with me tomorrow then? i want to catch up" you just nodded before hearing your name get called. looking behind you, you see some of jack's teammates.

jack's teammates, john marino and nico hischier always liked you. hell, you still talked to them to ask how games went and just how they were.

"ill talk to you later coley" you grinned.

cole nodded and went back to trevor and jack. trevor held a sour look on his face while jack looked pissed. you grabbed sab’s arm and brought her with you to john and nico.

"hi johnny, hi nico" you smiled at them, giving them each hugs once you got to them. "its been awhile." you added.

"seriously, a long time. have you been in toronto the entire time?" john asked.

you nodded. "yeah, i moved in with my brother. im with him for just two more weeks until i move into my new apartment." you smiled.

"really? where you moving to?" nico asked.

"new york, actually." you grinned. "maybe ill drive over to nj and pop in."

nico grinned, "i'd be careful with that one, y/n. i cant lie, jacks been in a little bit of a twist since your song came out." he spoke.

john nodded. "more standoff-ish, but he had it coming.”

you heard sab snort from behind you, causing you to grin along. "sorry its just— one of my songs ends with ‘he had it coming’ and it reminded me of that.” sabrina spoke.

"its okay— how have you both been?” nico asked. you looked at sabrina with a hesitation glint in your eyes. she just sent you a nod.

“ive been— okay? uhm, just a lot going on currently. very stressed i dont know— i just cant wait to get back to umich.” you explained.

“and i have to go back to LA tomorrow so i have to soak my time up with my girl.” sabrina grinned, tossing an arm around your neck.

"uh oh— warning, trevor is on his way over.” john said, bringing his cup to his mouth to quiet his words before taking a sip of whatever alcoholic drink he had.

you tensed up slightly, not turning your head, you kept close to sabrina.

"what up guys, how you enjoying the party? cole's wondering." trevor faked a smile.

"oh, very fun if i do say so myself." sabrina sarcastically spoke.

you nudged her slightly, elbowing her in the side. she sent you a glare, basically stating ‘cut the shit.’

trevor sarcastically smiled. "well isn't that just peachy? anyone here finding someone to go home with tonight? i know it shouldn't be too hard for some of you."

you grab nico's drink, sipping it yourself. "maybe— i heard that dixie girl is single, might ask her to go home with me.” you shrugged.

the four guys went completely silent. you coughed, "anyone up for another drink? i think i need to get drunk tonight." and you walked away.

“oh my god” sabrina laughed, immediately going after you.

“fucking bitch”

trevor scoffed, walking away in anger. john and nico looked at each other, wide eyes. "holy shit."

lol hey... this sucked but hey! tags: @honethatty12 , @slaythehousebootsdown13 , @lovinbarzal , @outrunangelss , @absolutelyhugh3s , @hockeyboysarehot , @shadowsndaisies @lxnceclercs

[first-edition]

Firework Confession

Billy Hargrove x reader

Sum-You take billy out to the firework show and he finally opens up to you about everything, his mom, his feelings for you and why it’s only you have cares about. 

CW- trauma, mention of abuse, kissing, cussing, mention of alcohol, use and mention of smoking, confession.

You giggle as you take billy by the hand and lead him over to the edge of the Parking structure. 

“Y/n think we gotta hurry.” He says chuckling at your actions. 

“fire works are starting in a bit we gotta get the best spot.” You say. You lean against the railing looking up at the sky all the stars and city lights beyond. 

“here you’re fucking stupid for not bringing a jacket.” He says taking his off as hes got a flannel under. He wraps it around you ceasing your slight shivering. The smell of his cologne and leather fill your nose such a comforting smell.

“I wish it was like this all the time.” Billy says you look over to him as he take out a pack of cigarettes and pulls one out. 

“like what?” You ask. He sighs placing one between his lips and shakes his head. He walks to his car grabbing a stray match and the two bottles of corona then walks back to you. He waves his finger telling you to come to him and you listen. 

He hands you the bottles before leaning close to your chest stricking the match on the necklace he used to wear but gave to you. He lights his cig putting the match you and blows the smoke out. 

“billy?” You ask. He licks his lips leaning against the edge. 

“like this you know…just me and you, no one to come in a fuck shit up? Im only….” He pauses. 

“im only like this, myself, with you.” He says you put the bottles down moving closer to him. As he drags out another breath of smoke. Blowing it to the side. 

“my uh..my folks they are the best people.” He says 

You already knew about Billy’s mother leaving and how its just him his father and max. His fathers current girlfriend living with them. 

“a couple weeks ago i told you dropped the bar on my side yeah?” He says you nod. 

“i didn’t. I am that stupid to do it but-my dad he like to throw me and max around. I take most of it so she dosnt get hurt but i cant always protect her. That’s why im always at yours.” He says you look up at him. 

“the black eye wasn’t football either?” You ask he shakes his head. You nod. A tear falls down his cheek. You reach your hands you brushing your thumb against his cheek and smiling at him. He sniffs and takes another breath if smoke holding it for a second before breathing it out.

“Billy..w-why didn’t you tell me sooner?” You ask.

“Its not important.” He says.

“Of course it’s Important!? You’re important. You’re important to me.” You say.

He chuckles shaking his head leaning against the railing.

“Damn baby you’re gonna make me blush.” He chuckles reverting back to his Billy mask.

“I mean it Hargrove.” You say lightly punching his chest your fist comes incontact with his pec and he takes a hold of your wrist keeping it there. Your fist open letting your palm rest against him.

“When my mom left she’d gone with no warning just one feat got up and left. She that was the first time my pops really beat the shit outta me. Max was just a baby…I remeber staying up all night in her room making sure he wouldn’t come in and do that same to her.” He says his fingers brushing against your arm. Once again inhaling before throwing the cig off the edge.

“When I saw Nate bothering you at the party I didn’t think much until he put his hands you. I didn’t want anyone, friend of or other wise to fucking touch my girl.” He says as you move closer to him a small smile forming on your lips.

“You’re so important to me. You’re kind to me and tell when what I do wrong without being a bitch, you take care of me and you’re..your so so good to me….I lo-“ you wrap your arms around his neck kissing him deeply he kisses you back just as soon as you do.

His hands grip im your waist. The loud boom of a fire work and a bright colorful light pulls you away as you look up at the show starting. Bill moves your face back to him keeping you looking at him.

He smirks looking down at you.

“I love you y/n…I don’t want anyone else telling you those words I just want you.” He says you smile placing you hand on his cheek brushing your thumb against his skin.

“I love you too billy” you take away your hand balling it into a fist and lightly punch his arm.

“Took you long enough!” You giggle he chuckles and nods.”

“Sorry.” He says gripping your waist pulling you into him pressing his lips against yours once more.

[ludinusdaleth]

i need to preface this meta with a million versions of "i do not think ludinus is or ever will be a good person who deserves forgiveness or will have a happy ending", and it will take me a second to get to my perhaps bad point, but here we go:

as many (and myself) have noted, ludinus is blinded by his trauma. he cannot in any way shape or form see around it, and even though he is very wise, intelligent, and able to mediate almost any conflict of interest, he becomes childishly closed in when anyone challenges his idea, says that his crusade of warfare against the gods has hurt thousands of mortals. he is an active danger in his position of power by refusing to show care for anyone but himself, while convinced hes doing it for exandria.

i think this stems out of the fact that no one has ever been able to reach him in a way he craves. he can get validation of trauma from the vanguard, but he made them thralls to his ideas; do they really mean it or did he manipulate them into it? he obviously cant be validated in his grief by vasselheim and their stranglehold on calamity history, who think any heretic outside of their worship of warlords deserved their fate. and he cant find comfort in fellow calamity survivors, either due to not knowing they were alive (presumably devexian, alyxian), or being angered and in disbelief they chose to pursue religion despite their torture (leylas). because no one starts with the goalpost of saying his people didnt deserve their fate and that his anger is valid, he has been losing his mind with the belief he needs to forcibly show everyone what he experienced and for the world to see him as correct, after an eon of being the only one in his mind with a semblance of a correct pov.

which brings me to my point, which people will react badly to initially, but god, i need to say it aloud: the most important line he has ever said, which has rung in my head like a bell since last episode, is:

"Speak your mind, and I will speak mine. But all I ask is a moment. To show you."

ludinus has refused to entertain anyone else's pov as long as we have known him. fearne mouthing off at him one too many times about the vanguard caused his calm demeanor to snap in favor of him snarling at her about what he had seen in the calamity. he made his speech at the key as everyone there was actively trying to kill him. he never asked a soul for their input on what he was doing. not one ounce of him wants another perspective. and that isnt because hes scared of being called a tyrant. he tells exandria to "make me your villain", and there are so many moments of self hatred in his interactions with others i think he knows damn well what he is. no, hes terrified that someone will invalidate what he went through.

and he has asked the bells to witness the calamity's trauma firsthand, and to judge it and him freely. that is.... a massive change.

before you react, no. ludinus cant be fixed. no persuasion check in the world could convince him to forgive the gods and no one would ever allow him to walk with no consequences and start anew - as if his body wouldnt fall apart before that anyway. but the bells are at the only moment in history where ludinus is completely stuck between reality and his hero complex. almost nothing has gone his way and the world is rallying against him and evontra'vir itself said the bells were destined to defeat him and that is more preordained than the gods deaths and he knows he must teach them the truth but what if his methods were truly for nothing? he needs someone, anyone, to tell him something, to ground him. he will do his best to convince the bells of what he thinks. but he knows he has to leave a decision up to them. the next generation.

he didnt consider what they thought until now. isnt that a sobering thought for him.

and while they dont owe it to him, if the bells actually start the conversation by acknowledging what he went through? i think for the only time in exandrian history, the only moment that it will ever be feasible.... that you could move his second goalpost by starting at his first. those abused & grieving due to him will finally be able to say that to him, by sating the need hes had for 1000 years. and i think he will absolutely accept whatever else is thrown at him if it means someone listened. he will never give up on killing the pantheon. but i think this is the moment that will define whether he dies by the bells hands, or at the bells side against another system. this is the only time that his fate is in flux. and this is the only time this old dog can learn a new trick: that the role of parent can be guidance, and defense for the children you hurt. and acceptance that has been the parent, who must step up, now, or never again.

[zyhkoo]

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eye candy ♡ willy wonka 2023

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✦✦ 𓏏𓏏 part 3: ms. y/n rosewell, a famous botanist has come back from town after a year. she had returned with special flowers from her trip and famous willy wonka has caught her attention. will they get along? part 2

According to the letter; The ball will happen at 6 pm, on the last day of the festival. Anyone can join unless you didn't had a fancy dress. Honestly you thought that was kind of unfair, they even had details on a very strict dress code. You don't mind fancy ball gowns, but you don't wear them often. It was usually your sister who was fascinated by them.

She had a lot of gowns, they weren't as pretty as the ones the rich people had. But you thought she was absolutely shining in them. You wondered what it was like in her shoes, so you wanted to come to the ball. You can dance, it was fine. And you had money for a gown, so that was alright as well.

You decided to prepare early, so the next day you were on a hunt for a dress. But first you needed to return some books. You did borrow a few recently, but there were other books you haven't returned yet.

You entered the library and you could see Noodle reading a book up ahead "Hi, Noodle." you greeted, the girl looked up at you with a smile "(name)! Returning a book?" you nodded "Yeah, what are you reading?" you peeked at the book she was reading "Oh nothing, it's Cinderella." she answered.

You cocked a brow "Is there any reason why you're reading it?" Noodle hummed "Well, I want to go to the ball. But mom says I need a chaperone." In your head, you suspect that Noodle wanted to go. Turns out you were correct.

You asked again "How come?" Noodle shrugged "She ain't going. And I cant go out by myself." she explained, you pressed your index finger and thumb to your chin. "How old are you?" Noodle thought for a bit "14, I'm 15 this year." you crossed your arms and offered Noodle to come with you.

"Why don't you come with me? I can chaperone, and my father knows your mother so she can trust me." Noodle looked at you a little skeptical "You sure?" you looked away from her gaze. "Well, I have heard a thing or two about you from my mom, and from Willy. But I don't have a good dress." Noodle sighed.

You shook your head "Nonsense, I'll buy one for you." you reassured her "What? Thats too much!" Noodle exclaimed.

"Shh."

"Sorry."

Then, Ms. Dorothy walked in the two of you. "Oh, (name)! Hello, you've grown so much! It's been a while. How have you been?" Dorothy smiled at you she offered you a big hug and you gladly accepted it, Noodle looked at her mother. "You.. you know her?" Noodle pointed at you "Why, yes! I was her babysitter."

A shocked looked was written on Noodle's face, she stood there frozen.

"Ah, well. My dad and Dorothy were great friends, so she'd usually babysit me in her free-time." you explained "But anyways, Dorothy may I ask you something?" she nodded "Of course, what brings you here?" you pondered a bit "Oh, well I was just wondering if Noodle can come to the ball with me. I'm willing to chaperone." you asked.

Dorothy crossed her arms "Hmm, you'll take care of her right?" you nodded "Yes, I promise. I am willing to buy her a perfect outfit as well. I'll take good care of her." you insisted, Dorothy let out a hum. "Oh, alright fine. I'm pretty sure theres a room with people at your age." Noodle squealed "Really??"

"But you need to follow whatever (name) says." you looked to her embarrassed, "I think Noodle is mature enough, no?" Noodle agreed "Yeah mom, I can take care by myself." Dorothy sighed, "Just don't do anything weird alright?" Noodle took your hand and dragged you out of the bookstore "Yes, yes alright. (name) let's go! I know a really good boutique!"

"Wait Noodle- thank you Dorothy!"

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You and Noodle walked on the street, on the way to the boutique. "(name), have you been in a ball before?" Noodle asked as you shook your head, "No, I haven't. It's my first one." Noodle looked up ahead and she smiled "(name), look it's Willy." you looked at her direction and she was right.

He seemed to have noticed and approached the two of you "Noodle, (name). Hello!" he greeted "What are you doing here?" he asked, "Well I'd like to ask the same." you said. Willy was holding a paper bag on his hand, you guessed he went shopping.

"Oh, this is for you! I was going to go to your place."

"?!"

You took the paper bag from his hands. It didn't felt heavy, you took a peek in your bag and.. it was your clothes!

"Oh, it's my dress." you said "It dried a long time ago, I just forgot to give it to you." Noodle eyed at the both of you "Huh? Willy why do you have her clothes?" you wanted to explain but Willy did it for you "Well, I found dear (name) in the rain. I took her in but her clothes were soaking wet. Hence why I have her dress."

"Oh yeah, the rain was really heavy the other day." Noodle said "But anyways, me and Noodle will be heading to a boutique." Willy tilted his head "Boutique? Why so?" Noodle cut in, "I'm coming to the ball with (name)! So we're going to find a gown."

Willy smiled "You're going too? That's great! I was invited too." Noodle bursted his bubble "Well, technically anyone can go as long as you have the proper attire." you crossed your arms "I think we should get moving, we're blocking people in the sidewalk." Willy looked around "Okay, right. Lets go!"

You observed, Willy and Noodle were quite close. Almost like brother and sister, it was real nice to see them talk. They were ahead of you, talking about whatever while you were following their trail. You decided to break your silence and talk "Willy, what will you wear?" you asked.

He looked at you "Isn't this attire good?" you frowned "How about something more elegant..?" Noodle scolded him, "Shes right Willy. You need to dress better, you wear that coat and hat everyday!" Willy scratched his head, "Well my hat is magic, I can never leave it."

"Then why don't you get new fits with us? Oh look! The boutique is over there!"

The three of you entered, they had beautiful gowns and classy suits. You, Noodle and even Willy stood there speechless. Your gaze couldn't go away from the beautiful dresses, "I thought i've seen them all." you said to yourself.

"Well, theres no time to lose. Let's start picking!" Noodle said, Willy placed his arms on his hips "Alright then, I'll be in the males section. You guys go." you nodded "Sure, we'll see you soon."

The two of you headed to the women's section "This all looks so expensive." Noodle said, concerned "Oh don't worry about it, I have a lot of sovereigns." Suddenly a sales lady popped in front of both of you "Welcome, welcome ladies! How may I help?" the woman clasped her hands.

"We're going to the festival's ball and-"

"And you wan't a beautiful dress! Don't you worry we will find the perfect dresses for you two young beautiful ladies."

Noodle went in and chose her dresses first, you wanted to view her dresses first before wearing your own. You were sitting on a chair, reading a magazine. You could hear muffled voices in the dressing room, Noodle's sounded like she was struggling and you were a little concerned.

You knocked on the door "Noodle, you good?" Noodle answered, "Yeah I'm fine, this dress is just so- WAIT THAT'S SO TIGHT!!" she yelled "It tis supposed to be like this madam." someone inside the dressing room said.

Noodle came out with a wig on her head, and an over the top dress.

You held your chuckle "Don't laugh." Noodle warned "I'm sorry you just.." you looked away from her "You look like Marie Antionette on her last gown before she gets beheaded." Noodle rolled her eyes "Haha, so funny."

Dress after dress after dress, nothing seemed to fit her. You sighed, and waved your hand "Madam, why don't I pick a dress for her?"

You chose a green gown, it had a flower stitched on the side and it came with heels. Noodle went inside the dressing room again, she came out looking more comfortable and beautiful. The girl had a toothy grin and did a spin.

You crossed your arms "Do you like it?" Noodle spread her arms "Yes! It's perfect!" Noodle exclaimed. You smiled "We will take this one." the sales woman smiled and led Noodle in the room again to help her get undressed. "What about you madam?" she asked "Uhm, can I go and check on a friend first?"

You walked to the males section, though it was mostly women who were there. They were buying their sons suits and measuring their husband's size. You looked around and tried to find Willy, he wasn't around. Maybe dressing? You looked left and saw him, both of your eyes met.

Underneath everything he wore a simple shirt made out of linen. Then it tucked into a pair of breeches and tied at the top with a cravat. Then, stockings tary and adds a waistcoat, leaving the top buttons undone to let the lace peek through.

Although the jacket was missing.

You walked up to him "You look great, did you choose that?" Willy scratched his head "At first, it was the saleslady. It felt too over the you for me so I just picked one myself." You chuckled, "They did the same with Noodle. But I picked her last dress." you eyed him. "Where is your jacket?"

He only smiled "I have the perfect one back home." you raised a brow "But all I see you wear the same outfit everyday." he placed an arm on your shoulder. "You'll see, wheres Noodle? Have you picked out a dress yet?" you shook your head.

"Noodle is ringing up her dress, I just came by and check you thats all." you told him "I haven't picked my dress yet." Willy crossed him arms "Well why don't we choose yours? I'll help decide!" you liked his enthusiasm, it looked like he was more interested of helping you find a dress than you.

"Sure, why not."

The two of you walked into the women's section, Noodle was already holding a box that had her dress. "There you are! Hey, Willy nice outfit." Willy flattened some wrinkles "Thank you." Noodle raised a brow "Shouldn't you use that for the ball?" Willy shrugged "Doesn't hurt to wear it now." you stepped forward, "Okay, my turn." you said, your eyes browsing through the dresses.

You picked three gowns.

The first gown was slim, it had felt popping out of the dress and a ribbon on the chest. You came out and Willy and Noodle were both fascinated "That is so magnificent." Willy complimented. Noodle agreed "Yeah! It's great for your first choice.. you look uncomfortable though."

You painfully smiled "Noodle my love, gowns are never comfortable."

Second dress, it was a puffed long sleeve gown with elbow gloves as well as a beautiful design on the chest. Noodle and Willy gasped out an 'oooh'. You did a slow spin to show the pair your gown. "That one is beautiful too, I think it's satin." Willy said, you touched your skirt "I think it is." you said.

Last gown, it had a silk on the upper part and lace on the bottom. It had a floral design and small roses embroidered on the skirt. This one was the least uncomfortable from the most, although it felt heavy. Willy commented, "I think this one is my favorite." he said, "Noodle said, it's amazing! Is this the last dress?"

You nodded "Yes it is, least uncomfortable but quite heavy." you said "I'd say this dress." Willy said, Noodle looked at him "What? No, the second one is obviously the best!" she argued "What? Why? It's just white, this one has some color." Willy told her.

"..."

You choose (your favorite one) instead.

You and Noodle bought some accessories that fits your gowns. When the three of you got out of the boutique, the sun begun to set. Noodle turned to the both of you "I should get going, my mom might get worried." she said, you waved at Noodle. "Sure, take care." Willy waved as well "Bye Noodle!" and just like that Noodle left the two of you.

You looked at Willy "I'm going home, you?" he looked back at your gaze "Mind if I come with you first?" you smiled at him. "Sure." He looked away from your gaze when you smiled and you did not know why.

The street lights started to turn on, and the sky was painted dark orange. You looked around "I love to walk on sunsets or evenings." you said "They feel so much quieter to me." Willy said, "We could walk when it gets dark sometimes if you'd like." you hummed "Well if I don't get lazy sure."

There was something you noticed about him, you always enjoyed his company. He never hurt you, and he never tried to hurt you, no ill intentions and he was just not a terrible person. He treated you like a friend who'd he was very close to for a very long time. Other people who you just met never treated you like this, you felt like you were bewitched or some sort.

The two of you arrived to your shop, or home. You placed your newly bought gown (and the clothes Willy returned.) on a hanger. Willy was looking out your window.

"This is quite the view." you walked towards the window and stood beside him "Right." Willy did a soft sigh "You know I wish I lived near the gallery gourmet, all of the good apartments or houses here get taken too fast." he said.

"True." you said "This shop belonged to my late father, I just never sold it." you said, the two of you were silent for a bit. You had something in mind but you weren't sure if you should tell him this.

"You know.." Willy looked at you "I wouldn't mind if you stayed here, the festival starts tomorrow right? It'll be easier for you to travel, and you have your suitcase anyway." Willy's lips parted "Are you sure?" you looked back at him "I'm sure. I trust you wouldn't do anything bad to me."

Willy slowly smiled "I'd love to, that's really nice." you crossed your arms "Consider it as a thank you for saving me in the rain that other day." Willy offered you something too, "Okay how about this, I stay here in the weekdays. You can stay over my place in the weekends so we can eat at that restaurant you love."

You chuckled at his offer, "Pfft, okay."

"You're the best." he said. "Likewise." You replied.

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woo!! new chapter, again apologies for the slow update. ive been busy studying.

but anyways, thank you for reading! feel free to suggest!

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[drvirgus]

The Idol who cant Smile

Minji X Fem! Reader

Description: You are the oldest Member of New Jeans, but Fans Never saw you Smile once. Why don't you Smile? Who's the Person that can bring back a smile to your Face?

Chapter 11:

"I'm sorry," I whispered softly, my face pressed into the pillow, our hands intertwined. Her arm wrapped around my waist as her body pressed closer against my back. I let out a deep breath, opening my eyes but staring blankly at the wall. I licked my lips slightly.

"You can break up with me if you want," I suddenly said after a moment of silence. Minji didn't respond at first. Confused, I furrowed my brow and turned to look at her. My breath caught as I watched her staring back at me, fully awake now. "You can bre-", i tried to repeat myself but she put her hand over my mouth gently, her eyes locked onto mine, a hint of tension in her jaw.

"I won't break up with you, Y/n," she replied, her tone serious. "So stop talking about it. You won't get rid of me that easily," she added with a small smile on her face.

Amused by her words, I let out a quiet snort, a barely noticeable smile playing on my lips. "But... I don't smile anymore," I said softly. Minji inched closer, her nose brushing against mine, her eyes still locked onto mine.

"I don't care. Smile if you want. Cry if you want. Don't let anyone tell you how or when to express your feelings. Not even me," she responded, each word causing my heart to race.

"How did I ever deserve you?" I asked softly, my hand resting on her as we cuddled. Minji smiled, her expression warm and loving.

"You're just being yourself," she replied.

This time, I shifted slightly, moving the younger one from her shoulder so that she was lying on her back. Minji's eyes widened as she watched me position myself over her. My heart raced in my chest as I looked down at her, my hand resting on her stomach. This was the first time I had taken the initiative. Usually, it was Minji who seduced me.

Minji visibly relaxed as she looked at me. "Y/n," she whispered softly as she sat up slightly, her arms wrapping around my hips to hold me close. Her eyes were fixed on me. But this time, I was bigger since I was sitting on her lap. I nervously swallowed as I felt her lips on my chin.

"M-Minji," I whispered as her lips continued to travel down to my jawline. I heard Minji shush me soothingly, and she let her lips move to my neck. My hands rested on her shoulders as I gripped her loose t-shirt between my fingers. My mouth was slightly open.

"Let me... take the lead today," I requested, and this seemed to surprise Minji. She paused her kisses on my neck and now looked at me with wide eyes. She hesitated visibly. "Are you... sure? I mean, if you really want to, okay," she said, letting out a sigh. "But only today..." She added, which made me laugh.

I nodded in agreement. Minji really loved having control. Control over every sound, every movement, every facial expression, and of course, control over my body. She knew exactly which buttons to push and how I would react. For Minji, I was an open book, where she could write a few lines herself.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Bunnies! Make some noise!" Hanni exclaimed with a wide smile just before the chorus of "Attention" began, and we moved in sync. My eyes met Minji's as she smiled at me while passing by. I nodded slightly and continued with the next dance step.

I noticed several people in the crowd holding signs, so I tried to read them. Many of them were asking me to smile. Annoyed, I just kept going, pretending I didn't see those signs. Then, I saw another sign that asked me to make a heart with a member of my choice.

I nodded and pointed to the fan with the sign, so she would follow my gaze. I jogged over to Minji, passing by Haerin and Hanni. I tapped Minji on the shoulder and immediately signaled to the fan. She made half a heart with her hand, and I completed it with mine. We both looked at the fan. After a short moment, and with the rest of the members also making some hand hearts, we sang and danced. We were all having a great time.

But as I continued walking, something caught my eye in the front row. My mouth fell open, and my eyes widened. My heart stopped for a few seconds as I continued to stare at that person. It was strange; I felt nothing. I noticed that the familiar caregiver handed a sign to someone. But my eyes remained locked on my father. A few fans seemed to notice, but they didn't know who he was or what the situation was.

My mouth opened again as I saw my father suddenly holding up a sign. My eyes jumped over each of the letters: "Sorry for everything. We're proud of you, so smile!"

My mouth was still wide open. Hanni noticed that I was still standing there, so she nudged Minji. But I felt tears welling up in my eyes. A broad grin spread across my face as tears flowed down. My legs gave way, and I knelt down.

The tears just kept flowing, and I felt my members come over and hug me tightly. I couldn't stop crying. My heart felt light, as if all the burdens I had carried for years had simply disappeared.

Slowly but surely, I stood up again. I still felt Haerin's hand on my back. Hyein had started crying because of me. So, I bowed to my father after wiping away my tears. My father smiled a little and nodded.

I smiled back and embraced Danielle tightly. She gave the best hugs, so I chose her. I really needed a proper hug. I sniffled one more time, and Minji handed me a tissue. I wiped my nose and continued with the show.

But this time, I had much more energy in my dance, and I smiled almost non-stop. I was allowed to smile... He told me to smile... Usually, he would shout at me whenever I did.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Title: A Heartwarming Moment at the Concert: Y/n's Emotional Breakthrough

In a concert filled with music, dance, and electrifying performances, there was one moment that stood out and touched the hearts of many fans. K-pop sensation Y/n, known for her incredible talent and mesmerizing stage presence, experienced an emotional breakthrough that left fans both surprised and deeply moved.

The atmosphere at the concert was already charged with excitement as Y/n and her fellow members of the group Newjeans took the stage. The audience erupted in cheers and applause, ready for a night of unforgettable entertainment. Little did they know that they were about to witness a truly touching moment that transcended the music.

As the group performed their hit song "Attention," Y/n noticed something unusual in the crowd. Several fans were holding up signs, asking her to smile. It was no secret that Y/n had been under scrutiny lately for not smiling as often as fans had come to expect. This had generated a fair amount of debate and discussion in the K-pop community.

However, Y/n decided to address the issue in a unique and heartfelt way. In the middle of the performance, she jogged over to her bandmate Minji and initiated a heartwarming gesture. Pointing to a fan who held up a sign asking her to make a heart with a fellow member, Y/n created half of a heart shape with her hand, and Minji immediately completed the heart by adding her hand to Y/n's.

The audience couldn't contain their excitement and joy at this beautiful and spontaneous moment of unity between the two members. But the most emotional part was yet to come.

As Y/n continued to perform, she spotted a very familiar face in the front row: her father. Her mouth dropped open in surprise as she locked eyes with him. It was a moment that left reporters in the audience speculating, as they were unaware of the details of Y/n's past or her relationship with her father.

But the most heartwarming moment occurred when Y/n's father held up a sign of his own. The sign read, "I'm sorry for everything. We are proud of you, so smile!" The impact of those words hit Y/n like a tidal wave.

Tears welled up in her eyes, and she dropped to her knees on the stage, overwhelmed with emotion. Her fellow members rushed to her side, enveloping her in comforting embraces. The audience watched in silence, understanding that something profound and deeply personal was unfolding before their eyes.

Y/n's father's message was not just an apology; it was an acknowledgment of her struggles and a heartfelt plea for her happiness. The fact that he had chosen this public platform to convey his feelings spoke volumes about his sincerity and desire for reconciliation.

After a few moments, Y/n regained her composure and stood up. She turned to bow to her father, tears still streaming down her face. The audience erupted in cheers and applause, recognizing the significance of this moment for the beloved K-pop star.

From that point on, Y/n's performance took on a whole new level of energy and emotion. Her smile, which had been a subject of debate, now radiated with genuine happiness and catharsis. The weight of the past seemed to have lifted, and she danced and sang with a newfound lightness and passion.

This concert became more than just a musical event; it became a symbol of forgiveness, reconciliation, and the power of love to heal even the deepest wounds. Y/n's journey to rediscover her smile had touched the hearts of fans and her father alike, reminding everyone that sometimes, it takes a simple sign and a heartfelt message to bridge the gaps that divide us.

In the end, the concert left a lasting impression not just because of the music but because of the love and forgiveness that filled the air that night. Y/n's smile, now brighter and more genuine than ever, served as a reminder that even in the world of K-pop, real-life emotions and connections matter most. Reporters could only speculate about the backstory, eagerly waiting for details to emerge about this touching moment in Y/n's life.

My eyes widened as I read the article. I swallowed hard. How on earth did they know it was my father? But hey, at least it wasn't a hate article, unlike usual. So, I set my phone aside. I smiled a bit as we all prepared to start filming. It seemed that our MBTIs were being revealed now.

The camera was turned on, and of course, we first explained what the letters meant and provided a few examples. Minji, as always, was so funny. I couldn't help but playfully hit her arm whenever I burst into laughter. That just made Minji smile even more.

I had stopped covering my mouth when I laughed. My true habit was revealed now – when I laughed, I had to hit something, preferably the person right next to me or my thigh. We took the test, of course.

"My guess for Y/n is - oh, um, Y/n Unnie," Hanni said, nervously laughing. This made all of us laugh a bit. "Unnie is probably an I," Hanni continued, but Minji interrupted her, suggesting she should write down everyone's guesses.

"I think Unnie is an INTP," Hyein stated. Danielle then shared her thoughts, saying, "I think Unnie is an INFP." Hanni agreed with Hyein, mentioning that she believed I hadn't changed much.

Minji chuckled a bit. "INTJ. I'm just hoping we got another J," she said, and Haerin agreed with her. I laughed a little and looked at the camera, expecting my result.

My eyes widened. My result had indeed changed, but it was still INTP. I quickly read the percentages out loud, "What? You're 96% Introverted?" Hanni asked, laughing a bit, "74% Intuitive, 75% Thinking, and 60% Prospecting," I continued. They immediately wanted to know the personality facts.

-Difficult to get to know -Can be insensitive -Prone to self-doubt -Struggles to follow rules -Has trouble expressing feelings

I looked at the others in shock. I couldn't help but laugh as they reacted to each of these facts, making approving noises or making circular motions with their arms. Examples were brought up, with Danielle explaining how feelings made me nervous.

Hyein mentioned how Minji and I reacted when she told us she was in the hospital. We just wanted facts to make sure the younger one was okay. Apparently, it was because of our shared T.

"Do you all remember when Haerin did something really weird, and we all laughed, but Y/n Unnie just didn't react at all?" Hanni asked as everyone suddenly burst into laughter, contributing more anecdotes. Smiling, I finally stopped the chatter so we could finish the shoot.

"Hahahha, Y/n Unnie and you are not compatible at all," Hyein chuckled lightly. Immediately, Danielle made an understanding noise. "Now... I understand why the two of them always argue," Danielle added. Minji, however, continued to wear her usual smile. A smile that said, "Yes, yes. Just keep going"

[transexualpirate]

serious post ew look away but i need to vent for a second

it's infuriating how fast i can go from feeling amazing to feeling like actual garbage. just this week i was happy that things are looking up for me and mulder and my little petsitting business was taking off and i was doing good at college only for things to go bad again because it always feels like im not allowed to enjoy feeling happy for too long

i know i sound super dramatic right now but i can't help it thats my natural reaction to things. im dramatic. its who i am.

my roommate is moving out possibly this week and im glad because we haven't been getting along well recently but also the bills are piling up and i was already on the edge of it as it was but i could still maintain things. but i just learned that my landlord wants to raise rent 10% unexpectedly and i know it isn't a lot and i can probably still pay it but it's still scary. it'll be my first time living 100% on my own and i have a cat to care for (thank goodness because if i had to live actually alone i dnt know what id do lol but with a cat relying on me i know im safe) and it's just. i dont know. it kind of feels like a lot. i dont know if im ready for this if ill do well if ill be okay and i hate that so much. everything is so expensive and im looking for a job but it's so so hard to find one i can do while still having time to spare for college and im scared that my grades will drop because this semester has been really hard and I'm really insecure about my own intellectual abilities. and keeping an entire apartment clean by myself. can i even do that. i struggle with keeping my room liveable sometimes what if i fuck up and the house gets super dirty and it's embarrassing and i can never bring anyone over in fear of them finding out what a fucking mess i am. not that my friends come over a lot obviously. i dont know if my friends like me very much. one of them drifted away from me after i fucked up twice once by sleeping with one of her friends and making things super awkward because he fell for me but i dont like him that way and twice because my roommate and i aren't that good right now and my roommate is also a close friend of hers. and i have other friends but i always feel like i cant keep long lasting meaningful friendships if we see each other often because i fucking suck. i think im just a little bit of a mess right now and it's. exhausting. im scared. im scared and money is running thin and i can always ask my parents for more but im scared of doing that too because my mom always makes it seem like i own her something when she gives me money. which i guess i do so it makes sense. but im tired of owning things to people and i was trying to go by without depending on her so much but i guess im not ready for that. im almost 19 and i feel 13 when things started crashing around me for the first time and it's a little more than a month to my birthday which is often a shit time because of bad things that happened there and i dont know dude i dont fucking know i think im just overwhelmed i wish i could go to therapy again but i don't have the money or the time really. at least i have mulder. ill always have my cat. i love him so much. at least i have him. i have to hope things will get better. i have to hope and work for things to get better and i know this because i worked before and it worked. but god im tired and i just wish i could go to sleep and not wake up to bad news for once. i wish i could go to sleep. fucking hell

[unohanabbygirl]

I reread Fill my bleeding heart again. I know that’s just a one shot but omg Princess 😭 I need more of them. I know I CANT be the only one obsessed with this Lucemond, I feel for Luke. And Father’s Day is coming so maybe we can convince the hell out of you. 👀

Seriously though I would love to see anything about them even if it’s a small thing. Without further ado, I have a few questions to ask:

(You don’t have to answer one’s that may be to spoily if you ever do continue the story asp)

Do they want children?

Did Lucerys take the moon tea because he simply feels they are ok without a child? Or is it because he believes even though they are older, they are not ready for one?

After a person is about 45 they typically have hit the peak of being able to have a child. Pregnancy is not impossible, but it is also not easy. So I can Understand Luke taking the moon tea to keep himself safe from the possibility of losing the baby ,or rather, his own life. And If I am understanding correctly Aemond was drunk? Interrupted as the strong taste of ale on his uncle’s lips cuts him off. smokey and bitter, almost like burning firewood. That makes it so much more angsty to me 😭 Like a “Has to be drunk to comfortably bed Luke” situation. Ugh these two…

I just know you would kill a fic where Lucerys and Aemond are in an arranged marriage but Aemond actually takes whores so he barely touches Luke, so the one time he does Lucerys is so happy but come the morning he is alone again…

I’ll see myself out before I add anymore.

FMBH Lucemond has been on my mind for a while. Maybe this is a sign to finally open up that google doc 😭

As for your questions!

Luke wants children desperately, I’m talking to the point where he daydreams of silver haired babies and has a list of names thats been sitting in his dresser for twenty years. Both traditional Valeryon and Targ.

Aemond is more complicated in his desire for children because on one hand he truly yearns for a mini version of his husband, but isn’t confident in his ability to not mess up something so special. His father was basically an uncaring corpse and though Alicent tried her best the only one of his siblings who turned out ‘normal’ is Daeron who spent his entire life in old town.

Luke drinks the moon tea because he sees their marriage as a union void of true love on Aemond’s end. In Luke’s mind his love is unrequited and would never willingly bring a child into that sort of dynamic.

As far as he knows, Aemond is only cordial because he’s learned to make peace with his presence. Whereas the sex is nothing more than stress relief for his uncle.

As a man who was born out of and raised in true love Luke wants the same for any child of his own. The thought that their child could grow up seeing that Aemond cares little for him is heartbreaking. So he drinks the tea to avoid it.

His age is also a big factor and something he’s already deeply self conscious of. Luke doesn’t personally know of anyone who’s had a successful pregnancy past the age of forty and is scared to be the first. Not to mention the stress of running Driftmark on top of that. So many factors to take into account in this little au.

And yes! I’m happy you caught onto Aemond being tipsy.

Its not that he can’t touch Luke without liquid courage, but that he knows if he were to go without it all of his feelings would spill out with no warning. And we all know how scary of a thought that is for a man as emotionally constipated as Aemond.

Oh anon you break my heart with that fic request 😭 Imagining if Aemond actually took a paramour over the years while Luke waited for him only to have his heart crushed once morning came.

Okay, you’re slowly convincing me to write a part two LMAO.

[socialbunny]

A,I, V and X for the ask game :D

putting this under a cut bc i wrote that long thing abt bella goth lmaooo if tumblr lets me tumblr never lets me put shit under the cut the first time >:(

Favourite CC Creator

going to force myself to namedrop creators instead of just saying everyone you and roguebotanist for the mm hair retextures yall do, deedeesims, nikki platasp ofc bc she makes so much quality shit its crazy, anyone that does poppetv2 hairs bc i'm lazy sometimes <3, anyone that makes male clothing that isn't butt ugly (can't name a specific person lol a lot of male s4 clothes just look bad in ts4 and in ts2), io for unique and new clothes meshes, ummmm some other ppl i'm forgetting lmao im thinking too hard abt it and if i think too hard they really cant be my favorite huh? so yah

shoutout to all my mutuals tho that make cc <3 i love all u guys sm i just cant think of names for some reason <3333 i should probably just make an oldschool blogroll or follow forever :/ or some shit

Your Bella Goth Theories!

i wrote wayyyyy too much sorry this is more of a plot i have in my head than anything 😭

she did get abducted by aliens, but they all started freaking out due to kidnapping THE bella goth instead of that lame slut that nobody cares about 😒 they don't really need the flack of capturing a well-known person again. it makes what they do soooo much harder 🙄 so after panicking for a bit they just drop her ass right outside of strangetown fuck it.

congruently, daddy bigbucks and his bestie attorney lily gates are on their way to strangetown to start that bullshit ass show he makes, but this time on the way a wormhole opens up in the sky and the bigbucks from the end of the gba game (you know, when his shit ends up coming back to bite him in the ass), falls from the sky and causes them to have an accident, and the gba!bigbucks takes over their operation. they happen upon bella and take her hostage too, and really start monetizing on the "bella got abducted by aliens" story. merch, signs, ads in the paper, they bring on a look-alike bella to walk around strangetown and eat out of the trash act nothing like bella so ppl can talk and call the hotline they bought. really banking on this.

after some time passes and they're racking in a moderate amount of money, gba!bigbucks decides that the original idea he had with the strangetown reality show could work with pv/st/vv is in it too lets pretend there's a reason why it was incorporated. they have the money, the inkling of a plot that could go any way possible, all they needed to do was put that shit into action.

bella during all of this is just living lavish in bigbucks mansion. as time goes on the urge + guilt to go back to her family lessens more and more as the frankly fucked up reality tv plans grows. technically she's even more of star now than she was before, but she's more subdued to the public because she's never really cared about 'fame' in regards to the public. the only things she does now are be the "woman that got abducted" and show up in the show sometimes to stir some shit, and hang with her friends and make moneyyyyyyy. she gets to be beautiful and fabulous and gorgeous with few responsibilities and that's how its been for almost 20 years :3

ask me more abt this if anybody wants tooo i skimmed details in my head bc i realized i was stretching the word "theory" out.

How Did You Start Playing the Sims?

probably would have the same answer as here :)

Do you use the Lifetime or Career Rewards?

nooo i don't. they're just so boring to me and i always forget they exist tbh

[helptheheart]

DREAM DREAM DREAM.

Hey-yoo. *awkward laugh*. Ik I havent posted in a while, not that anyone really cares. I have a little to talk about though. Lets start with what happened on sunday. So I was working sunday. I work in a pub, and we sell in house-made sausage rolls on weekdays; since I started working weekdays, I've started having to sell the sausage rolls. So I completely blanked and forgot what day it was when someone asked for a sausage roll, and we don't do them on sundays. I said 'yeah of course' put it through and the ticket came down from the kitchen because they were asking about it. I owned up, and said it was my mistake I don't know where my head's at right now and Ill go let them know that I fucked up and that they have two options to fix it. They could ether have the item removed from the order and given a full refund, or have the item replaced free of charge. they ordered another soctch egg. so that was sorted.

There was this old lady that ordered a soctch egg from me, I asked her where she was sitting she said she was sitting outside, I told her that was grand and Id bring it out to her when it was ready. A few minutes later she's back at the bar asking about it, someone asked if I served her I said yes, they asked if she ordered an egg I said yes, they asked if she paid for it I said yes. the lady ordered an egg with me and she paid for it. But the watires just couldn't let it go, she kept checking with me that she did actually pay and that she did order with me, because the old lady was confused and started saying that she ordered with the waitress instead of with me, the only bar-maid. But that stressed everyone out, so I went sort of non verbal, and because everyone was stressed every little thing was a piss take, and it was my fault. so obviously by default they should all be pissed at me. I don't take it very well. I don't take the stress of other people being upset with me very well, especially not when I consider these people my friends. So obviously I started crying. Now, I don't really like to let my self cry in public. or really at all, there's always this little voice in the back of my head, telling me that I'm embarrassing myself,.and that crying sint going to help when I fuck up. so I don't like to cry often. and when I do feel like I am going to cry, I hold it in the best I can. Im kinda proud to say that when I am able to hold it in my eyes get missty at best a few times and then I tell myself to get over it cause I'm being dramatic. This wasn't one of those times. One of the other bar people,Romeo. if you remember him. He sorta tried to comfort me, and explain that he wasn't pissed at me, and that it wasn't my fault. that we all fuck up, and I'm still in training so its expected of me to fuck up like this sometimes. And really, he thinks its the other persons fault (the other guy on the bar) he asked him to swap with me when it got buissy so I wouldn't get too stressed out and so they could get the rush done with, but he was too buissy playing pokimon go, in the bar back area to come do his job. which led to me fucking up. Romeo, sent me out for a brake so I could go calm down. I think I let my self cry for 20 minutes, before I decided that was being dramatic.

and that was the sunday stress.

But my new problem. it might of been either suaturday or sunday night. I think It was Saturday night.

I told my brother about H. and how he and I... messed around.I told him everything, within reason. because, I wanted to give that ginger bell end his shirt back, and we all know that H isn't going to answer me if I text him. and when I gave the shirt to my brother and said. 'give this back to H' he asked why. I said because it was his, and obviously the flood gates of questions opened up. "why do you have his shirt?" "why cant you give it back yourself?" "when did you get his shirt?" and I actually think that was all the question. I expalend all. I told him that H gave it to me around the start of last moth when I went round his, that he told me to keep it, (which idk to me sounds like bf behaviour but apparently he give out his shirts like an std to all the girls) I told him I couldn't give it back because H just isn't talking to me anymore. because I blocked him, I stuck to my story of it being an accident and I WILL DIE ON THAT HILL. I also told him how, H took my innocence. I mean yeah sure I gave it to him, but talking to people bout it makes me think that I did it so he would stop bringing it up. My brother knows about my asexuality, infact I think him and my sister both knew about it before I did. and he agreed and said H could of picked a better person to try and get with in that way, because, It either I have a very specific type because Im not into people that way, or I just truly am asexaul and its just never going to happen like that in my head. My brother told his girlfriend lets call her flower. Flower is mad at H. which I think if pretty fun and cute of her to be mad at him. He also told his best friend, who is the whole reason I even met H in the fist place. My brother, lets call him River, said that that the whole time he was telling his friend, he was in mouth opened shock. and said the same thing river did when I told him "Your telling me that 'sadgirl' (not gonna put my real name) lost her virginity?" I mean I think its pretty funny at this point, its been a whole month since I did it, and Ive talking about it a lot with my friends, and on here that I'm comfortable with the idea and the fact that I did. But I'm not gonna lie. I was super nervous at first to tell river, cause I thought he was gonna be mad. He wasn't, and he said he just thought it would be someone different, someone better for me than H. I agreed obviously, but I cant just ignore that fact that Im in to gingers.

So me and river were talking last night, and he said he cant stop thinking about what he's gonna say to H when he gives the shirt back, and he cant wait to see the look on his face when he does. I don't think its gonna be anything to write home about but I would love to see the look on his face too, just to know if I actually meant anything to him. Which lets be honest I really didn't did I? But both my brother and Roemo think the real reason H isn't chatting to me, isn't because I blocked him (accident or not) its because he's embarrassed. which I think is funny, so I'm also choosing to think he's embarrassed. Let me tell you the soul reason I think he's embarrassed. One I did cum. Two, I was also kinda just existing there, like I said in the post where I talked about it, it just felt like filling a hole, so I wasn't very vocal about it, it also didn't last very long. So I guess if I was a guy I would be embarrassed too. I was pissed off after we did it for 2 reasons, one I lost my headphones. (I found them later in my bag) 2 as mentioned I did get to finish. so I kinda just sat there with a sour look on my face. He asked me twice if I was okay after, at that point in time I was more miffed about the fact that he got me all worked up, for NOTHING. But I couldn't just like tell him that right? I couldn't just look him In the eyes and go. "I didn't cum, so I'm a little disappointed" rIGHT. so I just said I was upset that I lost my headphones. (which I found what like three days later in my bag under my portable charger T-T)

BUT NO ANYWAY, BACK TO WHY I WANTED TO WRITE. I JUST WOKR UP IT IS 2:38 PM. I HAD A DREAM ABOUT HIM. it was nothing spicy, I've never actually had a spicy dream about anyone I know. But the dream basically what it was, I went to his house, but before I could like knock on the door, he opened the door, cos he ordered a pizza, he took the pizza's in then stood at the door looking at me. instead of talking like normal people, we texted. I don't remember a lot about what was said but I do remember, he put his hand on my cheek, and gently rubbed his thumb over my cheek. I REMEMBER TEXTING "fuck is that about. you wanna ignore me and then you touch me like that, like you still wanna chat to me,"

and in the dream, he apologised to me. which he never actually has done. Im not sure, if that what I subcontously want. If I want him back in my life or if I just want a real emotional intelligent apology from him. For all the emotional stress he put me though, for the presser he said he wasn't putting on me to have sex, but I knew it was the only thing that was gonna keep him around me, and then he just did chat to me. and this was before I blocked him. Maybe I do just want an apology, from him, telling me that he's actually sorry, for how he made me feel. He never once actually tried to understand how I feel, it was only ever about how he felt. How he wanted to have sex, while I as an asexual person didn't really care about it. I did it to shut him up and because I was curious. He kept hyping it up so I wanted to see if his game was as big as his talk. It wasn't. I could of done a better job myself in 5 minutes. I guess, all I want is a simple sorry. But its not something Im ever going to get. Not from him, or any other ass whole. I just want a sorry, from him. Sorry for making you feel somewhat important to someone for the first time, and then ignoring you. But that's all I'm gonna write rn bc I might have a brake down and istg this boy has gotten me in my feels too much.

[mayssa-m]

Mom

Its jus really crazy to me how even in school i cant focus thinking about how i jus see my mom on the daily basis giving all shes got to her kids leaving nothing for herself n always think to myself how can i make it any better for her.

One persistent thought i think of every single day, no skips, is the live i wanna live n how im working towards it, i think about my main dream a lot. Its one goal thats gonna open so many new doors/experiences once i achieve it, its jus one offer that comes with a LOT of different prizes n blessings i would’ve never thought of having the opportunity to live/experience. With that being said every day i think of the different prizes i think of theres an infinite amount of them, i could take every single day of my life to think about one n die without being able to finish thinking of the rest

With that being said i daydream a lot n imagine myself living the life ive been dreaming of for so long, n jus imagine how my success whether its educationwise or other would not only bring me the best feeling ever n satisfaction but looking around n seeing my momma’s life completely changed not only because she gets happy of her daughter’s success but because i also genuinely changed her life for ever, its jus now my turn to provide her with stuff shes never seen before or never got the chance to experience or afford, jus like shes done with my siblings both my parents provided us with necessities n experiences, now its my turn to take care of them as my mom every piece of money that comes in she only thinks of what she could do with it to US n yes us not herself she takes care so much of us n has so much of us on her mind that she forgets about herself n how important she also is, so ive been trying ways to make her feel better, by for example i would ask her to go out with me, id suggest we try out this cafe or something n i feel great about it, ill keep going this way n working my ass off until i would finally achieve what ive been wanting for so long n change my entire family’s life.

i know i jus made you cry mom because of my unsensitive heart, but I just want you to know that I love you and I’m sorry n jus know I don’t say I love you to anyone.

[indigo474]

101123

ugh ugh ugh.. every time i think im doing good at work, i do something to mess it up. my manager is impossible and i'm unclear on what is expected of me. i'm not allowed to ask any questions to anyone but her.. she doesnt do what i do.. she doesnt have the answers. why do i have to ask her questions when i can go to the person i know will have the answers? today i get called into her office over a report.. a report that comes out once a month that ALL supervisors and managers SHOULD be looking at. i can't pretend to know what other people do or don't do. i have a feeling most don't check the report and just take for granted what is on it is correct. I check the report.. i feel like the 1 time i dont something will be wrong with it and i'll have to answer as to why i didn't check the report. something didnt look right on the report.. so i look at last months report and the month before and somethings not right. in my head its not a big deal.. why its not a big deal to me.. it should have been a big deal.. the person who runs the report, the person in charge of making sure people get paid their commissions.. was paying herself a bonus every month.. an untitled bonus for thousands of dollars. that's what it looked like to me.. but all managers and supervisors have access to this report and SURELY i can't be the only one who has seen this. i very casually mention it to the office secretary.. she looks at it and says yeah that looks weird i'm going to tell so and so. it turns out it was a big deal. i get called into her office and she asks me if i have or had any questions about the commission report. Nope.. none.. my team looks great. you didnt have any questions about the commission report? oh..well i did think it looked odd. yeah.. i got the feeling she was more upset that she heard it from someone else and she wasn't the one to delivery the news. apparently i dont know how to follow the chain of command. she's never around.. she works 2.5 days a week. how am i suppose to ask her anything. she is available by cell phone.. its not same as having someone in the office. we usually meet on monday so i guess i'm going to have to bring up my concerns.. that's what i get for checking the report.. maybe next time i should just mind my own business. why should i care if someone is stealing from a billion dollar company.. good for her

james switched up my program again. i'm nervous about this move. is this really what i want? it doesnt have to be my forever.

i saw my aunt at the park.. and i walked right past her.. again. i just cant. its been too long. and i dont want to have to explain anything about what happened with my marriage. i told myself if i saw her at the park i would say hi.. and i didnt..

i dont feel real good about myself tonight. tomorrow is a new day.

this time next week i will be in my new home-- this is the last sunday i will be waking up in my little apartment.. i heard my neighbors fighting last night- GOD i hope she dumps him..

[frosnpls]

cw vent,, doin bad tonite lads

idk if i have PMDD or if it's the SAD or if it's the work stress or if it's the state of this country and the fact that I'm slowly losing hope of both living independently/being able to afford such as well as ever being able to ever begin to transition properly or just whatever the fuck but man im not having a good time

i keep thinking lately about how ive never been able to catch a break and like sometimes i feel like im blowing it out of proportion and that its not fair because i do actually lead a fairly privileged life but also like. i was literally bullied at the age of THREE by my nursery teacher because she mistook the clear signs of my neurodivergence as misbehaviour. i struggled through school because nobody noticed i was neurodivergent and the people who did didnt want to admit it. i developed body dysmorphia by the age of like 8 iirc. i was bullied throughout all of my childhood and struggled so badly because i didnt have any support in place because somehow nobody noticed the very clear signs of adhd and autism. i lost my teenage years to severe bullying which caused permanent trauma and then lost the four years of my life after finishing school to essentially becoming a carer for an abusive suicidal boyfriend and then spent months after his death blaming myself for "not doing enough" when i had literally become a recluse because i was afraid that if i went out he might need me and i wouldnt be available. this year was the first year i think ive ever actually felt Right because i felt like i had myself figured out and i was doing what i wanted and i felt free and i just. i think theres an element of grieving for probably like a good sixteen or so years of my life where i was consistently traumatised by something and had no chance to find myself as a person

i feel consistently selfish for it but i just want someone to see how much im struggling and acknowledge it yknow like. offer some help or take care of me for a bit. i dont understand why but im in this role of a protector and caretaker for others and whilst i want to look after people and i care so so deeply about the people i do look after id also like to be looked after occasionally, you know? like. the day my cat died my partner was there and i got out of bed and my mum gave me the news and i went downstairs and i held her and i went back to my room and got in bed and started crying and. my partner put their arm around me and said he was sorry and i just curled up into them and cried and i genuinely think its the most ive ever felt cared for in at least my working memory

when i was younger sometimes my dad would try to comfort me when i cried and when i tried to explain why i was crying he would say "oh, [deadname]" in this really sympathetic tone and i remember always hoping he would do it when i cried because it made me feel like someone was actually acknowledging how much i was hurting and there came a point where he stopped saying it and idr if it was just because i was getting older and it sounded condescending or if it was at the point where i started hiding from my parents when i was upset because i didnt want them to worry but there was a period of time where i would actually miss that exclamation every time i cried even though i wasnt coming to my dad for comfort

i want to ask for help and seek help and comfort and be vulnerable enough to let people know i need it but also theres people who rely on me and i worry that if i dont seem positive or up to it they might think they cant come to me and i want them to be able to come to me i really do. then also i feel like if i bring my hurt to others all im going to do is upset or inconvenience them and i dont want to do that

im just trapped because i dont want anyone to worry about me but also i kind of do and it makes me feel so selfish like why would anyone ever want people to worry about them but its just in that way that like. iwould maybe just like to be asked if im alright before ive expressed that im not. i would like someone to notice that im quieter than usual or that i dont seem as enthusiastic or upbeat as i do most of the time and ask how im feeling. even that makes me feel selfish though and i hate it because i know realistically that isnt selfish but equally any normal person would just seek out the comfort they need right?? but i cant because if i initiate it then it means im annoying someone or upsetting someone or taking up someone's valuable time

i dont understand how i can be both looking after others, taking time to check on them and make sure theyre alright, give advice and welcome people in if they need me, and then also at the same time feel like the world biggest dickhead if i even dare to think about asking for the same from someone. or refusing to take my own advice. i need a mental health break from work desperately and my partner keeps telling me this as well but i keep refusing because we had 4 staff members off sick this week and if i went off as well it would make things hard for them. i just cant,, prioritise myself

im tired of england and im tired of the world and im tired of having to figure out how im going to manage to exist in the way i want to one day and im tired of feeling selfish for desiring human contact and im tired of waking up before the sun's up and im tired of feeling sad and not understanding why and im just. im just tired

[chelleztjs18]

This is not a question but i just saw the previous ask with that one rude anon and just felt like I had to do something about it because there is 2 things I genuinely despise in this world ,the first one being rude , inconsiderate and dishonest people and yes I’m talking about you Anon if you by any chance see this and the second being unfair accusations or situations now I will explain myself with diplomacy and actual facts to prove my point , you should take some exemple anon ,on how to bring a situation that bothers you to someone ,while still being polite and respectful.

You accuse chelle of being neglectful and no having enough time for her followers right ? I’m gonna reveal something to you , not everybody spend their entire day on the internet , mind blowing right ? It’s funny because if you would have looked further and was really interested not only about the author work but the author herself as well you would have known she has a little girl of a young age to take care of , hence why she can’t spend a whole day on the internet like a person with “no responsibility” such as a child could.

To continue , I would like for you to explain to me how is she being neglectful when she answers to asks literally everyday , I kid you not when I’m telling she is by far the author that interact the most with her community on here and I follow more than 50 authors/writers , she do asks , little games with emojis that allow us to ask her stuff and know more about her when she is not obliged at all and could stay completely private like some author i know do, she listens to everyone and I could continue like that all day long but still you couldn’t notice it since you were to focused on making false accusation and attacking her.

You keep on insisting about her taking to much time to answer to ask and more , do you have any idea of the amount of authors/writers that don’t even respond to comments or anything on here or even wattpad and don’t interact with their community at all ? And those who post maybe 3 times a month ? Im NOT saying everybody as to be quick at all or post everyday I’m nobody to exige anything to anyone but I’m juste showing you some reality chelle post maybe 1 or twice a week at least ,please be for real .And i will go further on this by saying so many authors give us amazing stories /fics etc ,to have little to no feedback in exchange or shitty ones and critics , when they put so much work on their posts , they are people to with feelings and lives.

To finish you said you weren’t attacking her right ? I kindly I vite you to reread you previous ask because you were clearly hostile even tho you claimed than you weren’t and word choices weren’t the nicest nor the smartest.

Learn to be better , to be nicer more respectful and have consideration for others you don’t know what’s going on on somebody’s life so don’t assume nor demand anything when you don’t have all the pieces of a story in you hands it’s just rude and unfair.

Have a nice evening and I truly hope my “ask” will make you think about the way you treat people because being behind the screen doesn’t allow everything nor excuse every behavior.

Hello Kay!

Wow, i'm speechless. This is amazing. I cant thank u enough for taking some of ur time to write this n to show ur support on my side. I almost cried reading this.

All the sweet amazing supporting things u write here really got me. I know we dont talk that much but i appreicate u a.lot for every reactions u gave me on my fic updates, ask games or just any ask / message u sent me. This means a lot to me.

I hope we can be friends 😊 u r very sweet and awesome! Im grateful for u and other friends i met here.

Cheerio!

[vampirebiter]

after i get vaccinated i want to try again to get a job since my mom wont have any excuse to not let me anymore

[rreeaahh]

desperate | regulus black

summary: > after a letter crushes her world, y/n cant take it anymore. she cant bring herself back to being rational, but her luck is represented by her savior.

pair: > regulus black x pureblood (thought as a slytherin) reader

word count: > +1k

warnings: > arranged marriage; character wanting to commit suicide; angst; fighting; swearing; kinda no plot, rushed action; somehow happy ending

a/n: > ok i’ve been reading the salt and the sea on wattpad. loved it. fell in love with regulus. felt like writing this. goodbye, love you.

The letter in your hand was the last punch you could take. At that point, you were no longer able to pretend to be fine. Things at home just got too hard for you to handle – all the pressure, all the expectations, everything was just too much. Your fingers formed a fist while holding the letter your parents wrote to you as you couldn’t decide if it was ok for you to scream your anger out.

It was night, during dinner time, and you felt like going insane staying in the Great Hall with all the students and professors. You needed air, but you found yourself in the cold waters of the Black Lake. Your robes got slightly wet and your feet started to feel numb – you couldn’t go back to the shore, you couldn’t step back on earth, because if you would, you’d feel the tension again.

All your mind was able to play was the words in the letter: “You will get married soon.” They left you no option, no opinion, no nothing. They were expecting you to marry another pureblood in order to keep the family name high in the hierarchy, but you didn’t even finish your education properly. Still holding the paper, your fingers went to your scalp, pulling as hard as you could on your hair – it was driving you insane. A broken scream left your lungs as you didn’t care if anyone or anything could hear you – you sounded like a hurt, maltreated animal, because you sounded anything but human. That’s how you felt, actually – anything but human.

Your feet began to move your body further in the ice cold water, your mind being the numb one now, not caring about how wet your clothes were getting. You were desperate to feel something else than pain. That was all you were good for? Marrying a man, having sons and being a housewife? That felt unacceptable, impossible for you to agree on. The water began to put pressure to your body, like it was embracing you, leaving your lungs with little air and making it hard for you to go on. But you were stubborn, you wanted to go on – you needed to go on.

“That’s your idea of getting out of this marriage?” called a loud voice from behind you. It was dark outside, hard to recognize the silhouette, but the voice was well known to you.

You ignored him, continuing to walk until the water was nearly to your mouth. “You should come back, Y/N,” he said, “I can’t save you if you’re drowning – I don’t know how to swim!”

You turned your face to him, tears starting to form in your eyes. “Just fucking let me be, Black!”

“That’s the problem, darling!” he shouted in return. “You don’t want to be anymore!”

Now, you got angry – you were hurt and angry and even if he didn’t know you that well, it was crystal clear you were not someone to play with when angry. “Why do you fucking care, Merlin’s bread! Scared you’ll no longer have your so promised wife slave?”

“Drop the bullshit, will you?”

You laughed. He was the worst you could ever ask for. “Let me drown myself in peace, will you?” the scream was just like the others – desperate. And Regulus could feel it.

You wanted to continue walking, but something didn’t let you. Your feet got stuck in something and all you wanted was to go and fucking die. But a pair of hands was wrapped around your shoulders, dragging you to the shore against your will. You screamed and you cried and you tried to kick him in all the possible places but it was nearly impossible – he continued walking until the water reached your knees; that’s when he let go of you, and as soon as you were crying your soul at the ground, hitting the water until your fists were hitting the rocks underneath it, panic started to grow inside of you.

“Why would you do this?” you cried. “Why can’t you let me die, Regulus? I can’t live like this anymore, I don’t want to!”

Your words were hurting him deeply. How could you wish death? You were young and beautiful and smart, you could get over a little stupid marriage with him. He got over the idea himself.

“Y/N, stop,” he asked, kneeling in front of you, grabbing your face. “You need to come to your senses.”

“It’s so easy for you to say,” you spat the words to him, pushing away his from you. The place where he touched you was burning flesh now. “All you got to do from now on is to be in control, and I am sorry I can’t accept the idea of you dictating my life, Regulus Black!”

“It’s nothing like that, Y/N,” he whispered. “I don’t want to control you, I swear, I just want to… help you.”

You felt speechless. “Help me? Why would I want you to help me? Help me with what?”

Your voice was pure venom in that moment and Regulus knew he had to accept it. “I understand it’s not easy for you, but–“

“You understand?” you said high pinched. “You know nothing about how it’s like to be a part of that shitty family, Black! I am nothing like you, Mister Perfect Son, Perfect Student, Perfect everything! My own parents sold me like some kind of meat!” at that point you didn’t even realize your fists were now punching his chest, wanting to make him feel at least half of your pain.

“You really think I have the perfect life?” he screamed back, cupping your hands with his. “You think my parents don’t force me to do anything?”

“You’re such a dickhead, Black!” you said. “You’re full of shit, thinking you can manipulate me to be ok with marrying your arse!”

“I accepted it because it’ll be easier for the both of us!” he tried to explain.

“Easier to what? Easier for you to make my life a living hell?” you laughed full of fury.

“Accepting to marry you was the easiest thing my parents made me do my whole life! You think it’s the worst, but I see it as a way out!” he was crying too, lifting the sleeve of his robes and revealing the dark, ugly mark on his skin. “This marriage could be our redemption, Y/N! They could finally let us be, for fuck’s sake!”

He was shaking your body, crying like a child, vulnerable and desperate. “I am done living my life as they wish too, Y/N,” he sobbed, “And I swear, you’ll have nothing to do for me – just say yes and you can do anything you want, I just want to save us from our parents, from him.”

You cupped his cheeks, gently whipping away his cold tears. He softened you, made you feel empathy and made you cry tears you couldn’t define.

“We’ll save each other, Regulus,” you promised.

His lower lip was trembling, his eyes were now filled with hope – Regulus Black was holding you in the cold water but your whole body was feeling hot. He was your savior and you were his. You rested your forehead on his and looked him in the eyes.

“Thank you for not letting me drown myself,” you said softly.

“How could I let my future wife kill herself?” he responded and both of you laughed lightly. The smile on your lips was a scared one.

“It’s settled then? We’ll marry each other and save ourselves?” you asked unsure.

“Do you want to?” he asked in return. “Marry me, I mean,” the blush on his pale skin was visible enough to make you blush too.

“Are we really doing this whole thing?” you said embarrassed.

“Will you marry me, Y/N?”

Regulus Arcturus Black was asking you to marry him. Despite the circumstances and your previous actions and thoughts, that was kind of… cute.

“I… I think I will,” you whispered shyly, a smile growing on your lips as you saw the one forming on Regulus’. “You may now kiss the bride,” you laughed at your own joke, thinking how those words will be said to you after finishing your Hogwarts year.

“Be sure that I will,” he simply said before gently putting his lips on yours. Even if a little shocked, you kissed him back with the same delicacy. His lips were cold, just like yours, and tasted like the muddy water of the lake but you couldn’t care less. You were kissing Regulus, your savior, and that was all you could think of – you were kissing Regulus and you were quite enjoying it. That’s why you didn’t pulled away when his lips started to move harder on yours, transforming the kiss in a desperate one.