#and i could blacklist stuff but then tumblr is like ''HEY THERE'S A POST HERE YOU CANT SEE AND HERE IS THE EXACT REASON WHY''

[risingsunresistance]

if we're mutuals and i unfollow suddenly and you happen to take notice of it, please do not take it personally i still love my friends n whatnot i am just. getting very tired and need to cut down the mcyt content on my dash

and if i unfollow and refollow a couple times that is just me testing the waters jdhfj idk what i wanna do man i just have to do something for my mental health

[mercurygray]

You're always getting mad if someone else is doing something you can't quantify. You get mad if someone writes your favourite MOTA character in the tag, because you didn't or couldn't just yet or whatever, to the point you need to discuss it with others on Discord to get past it. You get mad now because you see other people writing. If this is you online, I don't like to see what you are in real life. This is tyrannical and abnormal behaviour. You're trying to be cutesy and make it palatable when discussing it and it's not. It's arguably abusive. You don't own canon characters or what other people do in their spare time. Coming on here to even vent about it is low-key abusive because you're acting like it's our fault you feel like that and not your own. There's no taking of responsibility or sign of you actually changing your toxic mindset. All you do is talk yourself off a ledge or get others to do it for you. Go and see a therapist ffs

Usually I delete these, but hey, it's Sunday and I have a little bit of time.

Perhaps you're right. Perhaps what I just said was hurtful. If it was offensive to you, I apologize.

Right now I am feeling a little out of control of my life, and as a response, I am posting about it on my blog, on the internet, where people usually post about things that are bothering them. I know I have a history of change management and perfectionism issues that I have previously worked with a therapist on.

I have a single tag on this post that I've been using for a long time and I don't think is very common, so I don't think it's a tag you track. I don't have any keywords I can see that would make this show up in a different tracked tag, and you're referring to a number of things I've said over the last two years. This ask is very similar in tone to others I've received previously.

In which case: perhaps it would be better for you to unfollow me. Or better still, blacklist or block my username! I will literally never know. I'm sorry my space or energy is not doing it for you. Perhaps you should remove me from your tumblr experience. I feel pretty confident you could get a lot of fandom stuff from this blog from other people.

I can't call you a friend, because I think if you were, you'd reach out to me directly under your actual username and tell me that I've hurt you.

[louisisalarrie]

hey love, i recently saw a bunch of people on twitter saying h&l cheated on each other. i'm new to fandom and don't really know much, but did they?

Yiiiiikesss what a horrible first thing to see when you’re new to the fandom, anon. Twitter can get pretty wild, and is quite a different experience to tumblr. I feel like the community here is much more loving and we don’t post stuff specifically to start shit or start rumours, you know?

However, a small few of larries/ex-larries believe in this, and base it a lot off of song lyrics. Ex-larries also pair it with the whole bbg thing. I’m not sure what “facts” these people on Twitter are basing this off, can you tell me anymore about it and maybe I can break down exactly what they’re saying with a further analysis of exactly what they’re talking about please?

And yeah… it’s really tricky to know what to believe when you’re new to the fandom, so don’t feel bad or anything whatsoever. At the end of the day, I’m not here to tell you what to believe, but I can most definitely share my thoughts on it to help you!

The thing is… is that no one knows for sure if that is true. No one knows for sure if they broke up for a bit when things got hard. No one knows for sure if they cheated on each other. But it’s pretty safe to say they didn’t. We analyse in depth so much as larries, and there’s never been evidence of any kind of behaviour (except for stunts) that point towards that being the case. They are still referencing each other in songs. They still answer questions about each other in interviews (which they could easily blacklist if they didn’t want to). They are still sharing clothes and there are still so many strong connections between them. It just… doesnt really add up, in my eyes. And I also don’t think either of them are that kind of person. I mean, you could try and argue that they’re good people but one of them had a slip up but… you don’t have a slip up like that on a long term partner who you’ve been with for so many years, particularly when you’re in the public eye. Louis and Harry are extremely aware of what they do, and what they present to the world. They are trained media professionals, and they don’t take that lightly. They are very careful of who they spend their time with, too.

So… I’m not sure if these folks are referencing a particular person or timeline or have any evidence of it whatsoever, but it just sounds like a dramatised fanfiction that they want some clout for. Also unsure if this is helpful at all, it’s quite vague since I don’t know exactly what their theory is, but yeah.

[seesgood]

can we very gently talk about call out posts / culture really quick?  not in a judgmental way, but in like a: i just want to pose a thought and explain why i’m never going to buy into it and why i wish it would become less of a trend instead of more of one? and i’ll add the  disclaimer  here: i totally get not wanting certain people around you for various reasons, that is all your prerogative. that’s your comfort level. but in emphasizing “your blog should be a safe space” we’re kind’ve losing sight of the fact that the rpc should also be a safe space, and as much as your comfort and safety matter, so do other people’s. and not just the person who hurt you, but the third parties and other mutuals and 99.9% of people who are not at all involved in any way in whatever happened. so, anyway here goes, read it or don’t, we all have different opinions or reasons, i just want to be heard:

people are allowed to change.  think back to who you were last year. two years ago. think about the stuff you said when you were seventeen, or twenty-one, or hell whatever age you were. current-you would probably cringe at the kind of stuff past-you had to say. because you grew. you learned. you had life experiences. in hindsight you have the freedom to be like “oof yeah that was not the best version of myself right there damn i don’t want to be like that again.” the growing trend of ‘here’s a 10+ page google doc complete with out of context screenshots that sometimes date back to like 2017 or earlier’ makes this kind of change impossible. because right there, you’ve just frozen a person in time, probably not at their best, removed any and all amounts of context, and put it on the internet and let other people judge it for themselves. 

so that leads into another point that i want to just kinda present to the community at large: the act of documenting behaviors and storing them for months / years at a time, in itself creates a super unsafe environment, not just for you, your friends, the people who have hurt you --- but also for anyone else that isn’t at all involved in whatever happened. like, for example, i like to think that i’m a pretty nice person. i actively try to be a nice person. am i sometimes not having the best day? have people definitely caught me in bad moments? oh hell yeah. but am i, as someone who tries really hard to be nice and welcoming, constantly thinking through every message i send to someone knowing that a) i could have a reputation that makes them read into context that isn’t there and that could contribute to them misinterpreting words i meant in a different way, b) very aware that every post i make, ask i send, message i send can at any moment be screenshotted and posted and taken out of context and either serve as someone’s only opinion of me or pile on to someone’s existing opinion of me? yeah. so in my experience, and based on people i’ve talked to, we now have this thing where you can be surface-friends wtih a lot of people, but if you want to survive in the tumblr rpc you should really only have 2-3 people that you really trust that you can actually talk about shit with. 

and lately i’ve been seeing a resurgence of posts on my dash about like “bring back xyz in the rpc” or “the reason the rpc is like this is because of xyz” and i both agree and disagree with a lot of this, but primarily i think the reason the rpc is Off lately is because everyone and their cousin has a DNI, which is --- again --- your decision and i understand and respect that, but while you know the context of every name on that DNI, other people don’t. and to be honest: other people don’t really care and honestly maybe they shouldn’t care. --- and don’t get me wrong, your friends should care if someone has hurt you. that’s important. but joe billy bob who just wants to write their character with yours is going to read through your rules, they’re going to see “do not interact with me if you follow with or interact with these people you’ve never heard of and if you want me to tell you why just message me” (which no one is ever going to do, i’m sorry to say). and say, joe billy bob also followed that other person because they were like ‘omg this blog looks cool’ --- now joe billy bob, who just wants to write cool plots, is suddenly the middle-man in some type of drama that they do not understand, and maybe they’re able to remove themselves from the situation, but even then it’s still in the back of your mind. 

this is getting long. it’ll be longer, but let’s take a brief break for me to remind you that in some cases, it’s definitely good to give your mutuals and friends a heads up when someone has done something really, really bad. like, remember x amount of years ago when some dude was like ‘i’m gonna make up a new person and say they died by suicide as a social experiment’ or ‘hey this person actively tries to force very triggering plots about abuse / rape / incest onto people and has been doing so for years and does not seem to change their ways no matter how many people try to educate them’ that’s shit people should probably know about. and it’s also okay ( in my opinion ) for your friends to be able to message you like ‘hey i saw you’re writing with x and i just wanted to let you know i had this experience with them’ if that’s something they feel comfortable doing. and if they are comfortable with you still having the autonomy to make your own decision regarding the person. 

i’ll be honest, for a second: i’ve been part of friendships and groups that have turned really toxic for one reason or another. a handful of times. there are probably people out there that are like “yeah this chick is really fake and manipulative and etc, i was friends with her back in 2019″ which, okay. yeah. i’ve definitely done shit and said shit that was not the most representative of who i want to be and who i want to become, and you probably have to. because we are human beings and we are a product of our social groups and the community around us. and you shouldn’t be chained to a version of you that isn’t you anymore. people change. they grow. you don’t have to like them, but you should respect that sometimes people don’t mesh, and that doesn’t mean any of them are bad people, it just means the experience was bad. 

a few additional notes i would like to make but i’ve already gone on way too long:

90% of the callout posts that i’ve seen and the DNI’s that i’ve seen can, in my opinion, be classified as a friend group thing. you were friends with x, x did something, now y and z aren’t friends with x anymore. pain is a very, very real thing and people hurting you should never be minimized, but at some point i just want you to remember that not every friendship is going to end happily, but both you and the other party should be allowed to move on and grow better, healthier friendships after. rehashing Friend Group Gone Wrong instances removes that ability for not only person x, but also person y and z.

you putting out a callout says just as much ( maybe more ) about you than it does about the other person. which sucks. because i’d like to think we all have great intentions, and i’m not saying that you should swallow your pain, but it might not be the kind of thing that impacts the community at large, and maybe you should try to find a better way of working through it with a trusted friend(s)

i’m going to be very real and very blunt on this one: literally no one cares. i say that with love. i’m good friends with people who have each other on their DNI’s. establish a baseline of respect and ‘i’m not going to say anything to them about you and vice versa because there’s no need for me to do so’ and move on. but seriously. no one cares. most outside people read callout posts because they like being in the know about the drama, not because they actually care. 

person a and person b who are mentioned in the DNI / callout aren’t the only ones who are going to be affected. your friends, your mutuals, your writing partners are now all put in a weird spot where you have to pick sides on an issue you know nothing about and shouldn’t have to know anything about. you’re asking people to choose sides on an issue they cannot fully understand, and that’s not fair to them or to you. and it drives great people away. and then we all lose out on having more awesome people in the rpc.

you’re entitled to your safe space, but this is a public platform and you are also responsible for maintaining your safe space. you shouldn’t put it entirely on other people to do that for you. you can block, blacklist, make up funny names for, or spitefully erase from your many anything and anyone that you wish. but you shouldn’t make your friends do it for you.

there’s always an inherent power imbalance when any kind of drama occurs between those who have more followers / friends / connections and those who do not. and the smaller blog is always going to suffer a little bit more because they don’t have people blindly coming to their defense. 

bad moments, bad experiences, bad decisions DO NOT equal bad people. 

allow people to make up their own mind about something or someone

anywho, if you read through this whole thing i think i owe you financial compensation. but also thank you for reading / listening / considering. even if you rolled your eyes through the whole thing like “stfu lia” that’s fine. i’m just presenting an alternative thought. i’d like to once again state: i’m not judging you if you’ve made a callout/DNI or if you’re on a callout/DNI. like i literally don’t care. and frankly, in my opinion, i shouldn’t have to. because i, and you, and your friends, and your mutuals, and your non-mutuals should be allowed the space to make up their own opinion and mind on something or someone without being told that there will be consequences if they don’t agree with you. set boundaries. communicate in healthy ways. you don’t have to forgive the people who have hurt or wronged you, but you also don’t get to decide that their actions make up 100% of who they are as a person, or decide that that is the only side of that person people should get to see. 

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

Hey em, could you please tag your political posts please?

sorry nonnie, but no. 1) i specifically don't tag them because i think they're important for people to see, and 2) tagging stuff takes a lot of energy for me. i am one person with a whole host of mental health issues that constantly drains me. i am not a corporation or an influencer with a team of managers. this is my personal blog where i post personal things pertaining to me. i simply cannot be held accountable for other people's experiences on this platform, and to suggest that i do so is quite frankly unreasonable.

if they're genuinely triggering for you (i.e. tumblr is the place you come to escape from politics) i get that and here are some things that might help:

most of these posts will already be tagged with topics in the original post. so if there's a specific topic you'd like to avoid seeing, i'd suggest blacklisting it, and any of my reblogs without tags should still be blocked for you due to how tumblr works.

you can also block content and tumblr will scan the text body for your blocked words/phrases.

having said that, i usually only post 1-3 political posts per day (with the rare exception that i accidentally schedule more, though i do try not to) and all of them in the very brief window of 7am-8am Eastern Standard Time. this is done intentionally to not flood y'all's dash, and i'd say it is usually objectively successful in that goal.

if you still have to unfollow me for that then do what you gotta do. you curate your own social media experience.

[baoshan-sanren]

so the new post editor is an abomination and trying to answer asks feels like I’ve time traveled into the tumblr hell that was 2012 

the funny thing is, right after the beta option came out, I tried it

multiple times

and then I sat down and I did exactly what the @staff​ asked us to do, which is to give them constructive feedback

I pointed out the difficulty in having the post/close buttons reversed for those of us who have been using xkit since its inception (something that is, in fact, not so difficult to fix) and how unbelievably frustrating it is to keep automatically clicking the “close” button by mistake 

I pointed out the lack of quick tag bundles. again, something that content creators (you know, the people who keep tumblr running via providing content), need to have

also say goodbye to frequent tag memory. the new post editor doesn’t remember approximately 90% of tags you use daily

it also does not remember any tags that use columns, hyphens, exclamation marks, or asterisks; in other words, just fuck people who create content altogether I guess

there is no option to uncheck the full-size gifs box when adding gifs to text posts (each gif addition is automatically 540px in the new post editor, even gifs which are 268px, which makes the gif unsightly, and the text post itself large and cumbersome)

still no outbox, which xkit managed to keep through years of useless tumblr updates  

NO AUTOMATED POST TAGGING so say goodbye to your queue tag at the very least, and for the rest of us, say goodbye to automated tags for answered asks, or basically any preset tagging you had in place to keep track of the TYPE of posts you have on your blog

god forbid you click on the video or audio buttons by mistake when trying to answer an ask, because exiting out of them means you don’t get the other options back. you need to close that ask, click on the answer button again, then start from the beginning

blocking anonymous asks was broken for hours today (the staff claims they fixed that problem but I haven’t had an opportunity to check)

In other words, instead of saying, hey guys, this FUCKING SUCKS please STOP making this website less functional by the day

I said hey, this stuff is really inconvenient/unnecessary/frustrating to use, and here is a list of things we’ve all been depending on since the dawn of time to make the website functional and ACCESSIBLE 

and I got an answer back basically going “Thank you! We’re working on it! We’re constantly improving! We’re going to fix many, if not all of those things!” That was back in March

It is now nearly June, the “new inbox” has been basically forced on us, and it has all the issues they asked be reported ahead of time, and none of the improvements they said they were working on

and the thing is, I’ve lived through all the bullshit updates on this site. updates that have made me frustrated and angry, updates that gave me frequent migraines, updates that have fucked with my blacklist, and my blocked posts, and my list of blocked users, updates that have subjected me to every possible inconvenience, updates that have flagged every single fashion post on my 28k-follower fashion blog as fucking explicit (and forced me to appeal each one of them individually), updates that have both rearranged and erased my queue, updates that have subjected me to every type of content I had taken extensive steps to avoid via every tool and extension I could possibly find and I am so goddamn done

I’m not going to manually type in 12 tags for every fucking post

the day the new post editor goes in effect and we lose all the tagging options I’m just gonna stop making and reblogging things because I’m old, I’m tired, and I’m done

[authortango]

Hey guys! I’ve been seeing a lot of people do this, so I thought i should do it too! Here’s a little info about me and my WIP’s!

About Me:

I’m Aimee! they/them, bisexual, mid-20s, and graduated college with a degree in Spanish! My interests include creative writing, trying to read, and art (mostly drawing). If you want to see me reblog stuff and occasionally post art, my main is @artsietango :)

Published Works!

Embrace & Unravel - Bottlecap Press

Embrace & Unravel is about trying to find yourself in other people, finding the right people, and convincing yourself you’ve moved on. These poems and short essay in this work explore the different feelings of angst and longing associated with what we consider love, what love looks like when it’s what we need, and the feelings associated with figuring life out.

BUY HERE

My current WIPS are:

The Questing Academy (Fantasy):

The first book I’m working on is The Quest for the Book of Balance, and The Questing Academy is the series name. 8 teenagers are accepted into a school that shows them that reality is more magical than they could have imagined. But what comes with the light of magic is also paralleled by a slow rising darkness, turned by the tides of an sorceress. It’s definitely not the first year they were expecting!

WIP INTRO

White Teeth (Young Adult):

As far as I’m aware, this might be a standalone, but it also may have a sister album. And it may be more of a passion project than something I plan to publish. Harper Coaste is 19 and ready to get out of town, but she has some old scores to settle and bridges to burn before she goes. Will her internal rage and spite destroy her though? Or will the consequences of her actions change her story forever?

Metal (Science Fiction):

A crew of eight find that the ship that they operate and call home is being junked, but only a few of them are making it onto the new craft. Throughout their different POV’s, they try to figure out why their government has some of them blacklisted, and the real reason why their Mother ship is being junked.

Short Stories (on Tumblr):

As Clear As The Sun Speaks

Draconis Decisions

The Answer

Vivika’s Bones

The Color Yellow (a QBOB one shot)

I have so many more stories I want to work on, but these are the main four that I think are a good start for now. I’ll be sure to update more often with what I’m working on and my progress! And please feel free to include me in writing ask games and ask me questions about my wips!

[marcilled]

Hey, try not to tag your dsmp hate as dsmp. That's like common tumblr courtesy. And as a gay nb, I find Dreams ability to playfully flirt with his male friends very refreshing to see. He is clearly comfortable with both his own sexuality (whatever it may be) and people seeing him as queer. Many people see being called gay as an insult, so it's nice to see him so chill with it. He is also a young man who was raised in a conservative family. He said some bad things in the past and is working towards bettering himself. His progress in unlearning these ideas he was raised with is going very well, I'm super proud of him. Sorry if this was rambly its like 2:30 am

i tagged it as that so my followers could blacklist it. and i think it is rather immature to take my criticism of Dream as "hate", when I was making an earnest appeal to any fans of the dsmp to demand better from the streamers they spend so much time watching.

It really doesn't matter what his upbringing is- his behavior needs to be talked about matter-of-factly, and given the weight it deserves. He has tens of millions of youtube subscribers, and an almost unprecedented impact on the lives & opinions/feelings of a lot of very young, impressionable people out there. And he continues to be given a massive platform by the likes of the Game awards, etc.

It truly does not matter what he grew up being taught, he needs to not only learn how to be less bigoted, he needs to be willing to admit to his blunders, full stop, without beating around the bush and constantly manipulating the narrative around any callouts he receives to make himself look "better". If he were truly sorry, it is not a good look to hide the facts of the things he did wrong. I think his final apology wrt the speedrun drama was probably the only time I've seen him post an apology that didnt try to cover up the facts of his actions- and that was nearly a year after the events took place!

Like, idk, do you honestly just think that it's completely normal for people who grew up around conservative family members to Also espouse conservative values inherently? If youre gay and have gay friends- ask around. anyone who lives w/ conservative family members, they probably hate them. and they likely want very little to do with any of their ideology. Dream could be the same way, but he's not, because he is a cis, straight white dude millionaire. None of this personally effects him, the only way his poor behavior effects him is when people rightfully call it out.

I'm not even saying he's some irredeemable shithead (90% of my followers would probably disagree w/ this tbh), i'm saying he needs to be held to account for the stuff he does. It's not going to hurt him. And even if it does hurt his feelings? good. thats how you learn from your mistakes. he can wipe away his tears with $100 bills afterward.

I might also add, here- in the first part of this ask, you seem to imply that you don't think him gaybaiting his audience is homophobic. Then you try to justify his homophobic actions later in this ask by saying he was raised in a conservative household. Which is it?

[j-reau]

There’s something I want to talk about that’s been sitting in my head for a few days now. I kept telling myself not to talk about because tumblr struggles with the line between feelings and drama, between change or growth and confrontation and vauging.

That’s not what this post is for me. It’s not drama or a vague post. It’s trying to work through how I feel, trying to talk to the community at large about stuff I think we can do better, or at least stuff I want for me and for my friends and writing partners. 

I think somewhere along the way, in its inability to wrestle with grey areas, tumblr as a whole lost the middle ground between self care and hurting others, and in doing so turned communication into confrontation. I’ll be clear about something to start this off; you don’t owe strangers on the internet anything. You don’t owe someone an explanation as to why you don’t follow them. You don’t owe a mutual an explanation as to why you write with someone else more or where your muse goes that day. You don’t owe anyone your time. You don’t owe anyone your mental health. Curating a safe space is important. Creating boundaries is healthy whether they’re for you or for someone else. I believe all of that to be true and I think that it’s important that on tumblr we absolve some people of the pressure put on them by themselves. I was once stalked by someone who I had never once talked to on this website who demanded to know why I wouldn’t write with them. I did not owe them explanation. Not for why I didn’t follow them and certainly not for why I eventually blocked them. And once they messaged me over and over from different accounts, my boundaries had been crossed and I felt very uncomfortable. So I understand the importance of making sure people know that that kind of pressure is fucked up. Because of my decision not to follow them, that person posted at length about how I was an elitist, unfriendly, etc. They even threatened self harm and guilt baited. And it is instances like that where I think it’s important that we make clear over and over and over that you don’t owe people an explanation. 

With all of that said, I think somewhere along the way we started applying all of those posts about how to deal with toxic people and strangers and started applying them to our friends. And that’s where things get uncomfortable for me and worth talking about for me. So I guess that’s what I want to do. Because to me, you absolutely owe your friends some communication. You owe your friends a reason. Even if it’s as simple as “hey I think I need some space, please don’t contact me for a while.” Relationships come and go and on a website like tumblr we get very close to some people fast, or we talk a lot and share a lot, not everyone is going to click. Not everyone is going to jive and that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that. But in relationships, communication is a crucial and important part of adult hood. Ignoring problems isn’t adult. Failing to communicate isn’t mature or conflict free. My best and closest friends are the people with which I can communicate. And in some relationships you’ll learn that your communication styles don’t match. And that’s okay too. But communication is important to any friendship, partnership, etc. Something as simple as “hey can we not talk about that? It makes me uncomfortable.” Something as simple as “will you do me a favor and blacklist your posts about _____ because seeing them makes me anxious.” Or even communicating needs for validation like “I’m feeling really sad and anxious today. It’s nothing you’re doing but could you give me a little reassurance?” Or “hey I’ve been busy this week. It’s not you but I need some space away from discord.” Communications don’t have to be arguments. They don’t have to be confrontations. They’re just expressing a feeling and allowing someone else to then accept the boundary or need you express and meet it, ask questions if they need to or whatever it may be. Like for example, “sure I can give you space. Do you want to just hit me up when you feel better or should I reach out in a few days?” 

I think maybe part of it is about how we place value on “friendships” and on partnerships writing on tumblr. And maybe that’s where some of us differ and I also think is an important thing that should be communicated. For me, I write with hundreds of people. I love writing with people. I love having tons of partners and writing with any of my mutuals who want to. When it comes to writing and people who I have writing partnerships with, my communication style is pretty straight forward. And it starts from jump, communicating if we want to ship or not, communicating what kinds of plots we like. And then later when someone has to say “hey can we drop this thread and start a new one?” Or “Sorry I vanished for a month do you still want to write this?” All of those things are communications and to me, come with trust that you will be honest and receive the other person in good faith. of course, in hundreds of people that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes it doesn’t go well, and that’s fine. These are writing partners and while my communication style will always be the same and be as honest and straightforward as I can give it, it may not mesh with someone else’s. But then there are friends -- good friends. And by good friends I mean the people you talk to frequently. The people you talk to about how you feel, about what’s going on in your life, about your insecurities or whatever it may be. The people you write with frequently or have built a relationship with, the people you tell with your words that you love or that mean a lot to you. Maybe some people on tumblr use words like that lightly. I don’t know. But for me those are meaningful things and the people I consider good friends are not the same as strangers and are not the same as casual writing partners. 

Something is exchanged when we RP. I talked about this in my last post. I talked about how it’s not “just tumblr RP” how there are feelings and intimacy that is personal and terrifying in writing with people and sharing your creative work with them and opening yourself up to rejection and insecurity. When you RP, when you talk a lot, when you become friends with someone even if it’s on the internet, just as in real life, you’re exchanging trust. You are opening yourself up to vulnerability in expressing your feelings, in sharing your world with someone and they are doing the same by accepting that, caring for that, sharing their own, etc. To me, once you hit the point of having exchanged trust with someone, that’s when you owe communication of some kind. It can be as small as “hey I can’t talk today” and as big as “this thing you did yesterday hurt my feelings.” But it’s so important to do it. That’s important for a number of reasons. It’s important because maybe there is a misunderstanding that can be cleared up. It’s important because maybe that other person may not even know they hurt you and could apologize. It’s important because vocalizing your own feelings is an adult point of growth for you. And a number of other things. 

And I GET IT. Trust me, I do. Communicating is uncomfortable. What about how anxious it makes you? What about how you feel panicked and sweaty and your heart races and you worry that it won’t be well received. Trust me, we all have been there. It happens to everyone and it fucking sucks. But the only way that gets better is with practice. I can already hear the tumblr mentality that says “you shouldn’t have to feel that way if you don’t want to,” and there’s some truth to that. But any therapist will tell you that communication is the key to coming to the other side of that and that the more you do it, the better it’ll be, the easier it’ll feel. Having been in several relationships with people that projected their feelings onto me or held me accountable for their happiness, learning to communicate boundaries, learning to communicate feelings versus intention and all of that were huge for me. This isn’t something I popped out of the womb understanding. It’s something I’ll surely fail at a thousand times. But it’s definitely something important to me to learn. And I think it’s something tumblr can benefit from. Because while “let people block you” is an important mentality for strangers, for abusers, for toxicity, etc it’s not a good mentality for friendships and relationships. Ghosting your friends is really hurtful. Cutting people who mean something to you out with no communication or explanation causes a snowball of bad feeling and anxiety in allowing you to have closure on your terms and the other party to have none. Expecting people to handle hurt and confusion and sadness in private without ever talking about it to anyone is really fucking isolating. Tumblr mentality likes to push that we should be able to axe people without consequence, that they should not ever wonder why, that they can not talk about it to anyone else, or express their sadness. But isolating people in their feelings isn’t healthy and it isn’t adult. There’s a lot of hurt that could be avoided on this website by people learning to communicate and by accepting that sometimes conversations have to be had, even if we don’t like it. Or at the very least, taking ownership for the fact that if we don’t want to have a conversation, that that is on us and not on the other person for feeling confused and not knowing what happened.

So I guess where I’m at here is that I just wanted to talk about that area, and open the floor a little to remind people about communicating. And what I mean when I say friends vs. strangers vs. partners is that I think we also need to be honest with each other and ourselves about who our friends are. Because once you open that trust with someone, there’s responsibility there with what you do with that trust. So be aware of where you open that trust. Be aware of what you say and how you treat people. You don’t have to be best friends with everyone you run across on the internet. I certainly am not. Even people I love writing with may not be my close friends, but I make sure that those are people that I’m not being vulnerable with and sharing feelings about things with and expressing how important they are to me. They are of course still important, but it’s different. Don’t fake friendship with people. Don’t love people into the safety and security of trust and communication that you’re not willing to have. It’s okay if communication isn’t your thing, but understanding that and understanding how you treat people because of it is important. Because communication is important. To friendship, to partnerships, hell even to relationships with coworkers and family members. As a community, I think it’s really important that we encourage being more communicative, and that communication isn’t conflict, and that sometimes having a quick conversation about something where both parties get closure or can say their piece or clear things up is the absolute best way to handle things. 

[wcamino-confessions]

would to post a little part two since this shit is still bothering me and I feel like I felt out some stuff.

here's the conversation where castro came into my messages (without permission) straight up accusing me of selling a character. I was clearly fucking confused and instead of telling me what was happening, "u were added to my blacklist as i cannot trust you to abide by my tos" like?? bitch couldn't slow down enough to explain anything.

when I finally understood what was happening, castro decided to post publicly about everything in two different places. The LSS discord and here. not only did they accuse me of selling a free character they accused me of being a predator who has made sexual jokes to children. this isn't something you should throw around carelessly castro. if you had any brain and processed what I told you in late april I told you as to why I was removed from toc. here's the screenshot from LSS, feel free to search for this in I believe som's mod chat. you agreed with me that this was a shitty situation I was put in by jake, you even said you would have talked to him if you had been an admin at that time.

furthermore, max. you remember max as akari, he is my sona's former owner. I purchased akari and rainkit (she was a freebie) from him for $75. here's the proof of said purchase and ownership transfer. but hey, a for effort of trying to tie connections that don't exist.

cinna, my partner and I talked about everything last night. cinna brought up the fact that I was clearly not the first owner of this character. castro jumped to conclusions, pointed the finger at me. it was pretty damn obvious that I was not the first character owner by the ownership log on toyhouse but hey guess we all can't be smart.

to castro.

you accused me of shit with no proof and publicly, you made me look like a shitty person. you accused me of something disgusting all because of a misunderstanding. we used to be pretty fucking chill, friends even. you owe me a damn good apology but I highly doubt you'll be providing that seeing as I blocked you on animo, discord, toyhouse, tumblr and instagram. keep your blacklist on me, I don't plan on supporting you nor purchasing any of your designs. you truly disgust me and I would like to avoid you like the plague.

accusing someone of being a possible predator could fucking ruin their life. you best have some damn good evidence if you're ever going to make that claim again.

ANYWAYS. I think I said enough. after this is posted, I'll be deleting tumblr (again).

[kittyprincessofcats]

RWBY Volume 8, Episodes 8-12

All caught up with RWBY now! (Except for the premium only episode.)

So, two things first: 1. From now on, my blog will no longer be spoiler free for RWBY! I don’t have premium access, so no spoilers for that, but beyond that, I might now reblog spoilers for everything that’s been released to the public. Blacklist “#RWBY spoilers” if you don’t want to see them.

2. I was going to ask what the spoiler policy in this fandom in general is when it comes to premium access. From what I’ve seen, Youtubers usually wait a week before uploading their reaction videos, which I appreciate – but here on tumblr almost no one seems to hold back. I saw a spoiler for “Creation” before it was released publicly. The day episode 13 was released for premium access, I had to unfollow people for posting untagged spoilers for it. And when I went into a RWBY-related tag for one second, I saw a really big spoiler that put me in a very sour mood because it also happened to be very aggressively worded against fans of a certain character (basically, along the lines of “I’m glad X bad thing happened to Y character because I hate them and their fans”). So, that scared the shit out of me and I ended up looking up more specific spoilers about what exactly happened because I wouldn’t have been able to sleep otherwise. So, from what I’ve seen, this fandom’s spoiler policy is just “fuck anyone who doesn’t have premium access” 😒. Always nice to see people being so considerate.

With that said, let’s get into my thoughts on episodes 8-12. Under the cut, because unlike some people, I try to be considerate of others who might want to avoid spoilers.

- So, the Hound really was a person. Specifically, a person with silver eyes and that’s probably what happened to Summer. THANKS, I HATE IT. This is exactly what I feared it would be and what I didn’t want it to be. (I don’t want Ruby and Yang to have to fight and kill their grimm-ified mom, that’s too sad, okay?)

- I love that Whitley really came through and came up with a plan for evacuating everyone! He’s a good bean after all! And that he managed to press that button on the computer before running from the Hound? Amazing.

- Willow Schnee being one hell of a mama bear and summoning a thing to protect Whitley was epic. She was so close to breaking down before that, but then her child was in danger and she just jumped into action right away. Protective mom instincts ftw!

- Blake’s talk about how she looks up to Ruby and how she herself lost the youthful optimism Ruby still has was SO sweet! (Also, Ladybug is an underrated ship/friendship and I really don’t get why people say they never interact? Have you all just forgotten volume 1 and how Bumbleby’s first meeting happened because Yang was trying to wingman Ruby who was trying to befriend Blake??)

- Penny fighting the virus from the inside was amazing, she did so well! I also loved seeing Nora encourage her (and echo Blake’s earlier words back to her).

- Unrelated to these episodes specifically, but I tried to think about who my favourite RWBY charactes even are right now, and I find it super hard to narrow down because I love so many of them, but if I tried to somewhat narrow it down, then (in no specific order because don’t ask me to also come up with an order): all of Team RWBY (though Blake is a personal favourite), Ilia, Penny, Salem, Cinder. (But then again, I also love Winter and Qrow and Robyn and... you get it, it’s hard to narrow down. Oh, and of course Pyrrha, but... you know.)

- “Witch” was honestly my favourite episode of the bunch. That one was just so full of epic stuff. (And now I’m wondering if Salem being one of my favourite characters has anything to do with my love for witches. I used to be obsessed with witches as a kid. In every story I read that had a witch, the witch was always my favourite character.)

- Yang and her team sure found a way inside that whale fast! Also, really handy that Ren’s semblance evolved just in time for when they needed it. But hey, I don’t want to complain about convenient plot stuff too much. Sometimes the heroes are allowed to have a little bit of good luck.

- Hazel listening to Oscar and deciding to get both him AND Emerald out of there was amazing! He really does have a soft spot for kids and wasn’t kidding about not wanting more kids to die – we love to see it! I also think it makes for an interesting parallel that Hazel decided to do this right as Ironwood was sending students to fight on the front lines and Marrow was calling it out.

- I really liked Ren telling Yang she doesn’t have to hide her fear behind jokes. Ren being able to see emotions is going to bring about so many more good moments, I just know it!

- Emerald and “Hazel’s” talk with Salem gets so much better when you know “Hazel” is actually Oscar – Emerald has gotten so much better at illusions and fooled Salem herself! That’s impressive!

- It’s really practical that Ren could sense Emerald’s fear. But also, the group really didn’t have the time to discuss if Emerald was trustworthy – they needed to get out of there asap.

- The way Salem spits out the word “semblance” when she talks to Emerald shows again that she not only underestimates these “new humans” and their powers, but also considers them inferior. It’s a nice little detail how just her tone when she says that word says so much about her worldview.

- Yang straight-up running up to Salem and blowing her up was epic. It didn’t last of course, but it was still a super bold and epic move. I’ve talked before about how cool Yang is and she just keeps getting cooler.

- Yang calling Salem out was amazing and epic, too! And when she referred to Summer Rose as “my mom” that made me tear up just a bit 😢. (I really don’t like Salem’s smile when she says “her again”, though. I don’t want grimm-ified Summer, I really don’t want it, okay? keep it far away from me where I won’t have to see it.)

- I’m a bit sad about Hazel’s death, but it was a really fitting end for his character and a really cool way to go out. The way he looked at all of those kids in danger (proving again that that’s what it’s about for him), whispered “No more Gretchens” to Oscar, punched Salem in the face as she was about to hurt Emerald, injected all of those crystals into his skin (which looked epic, by the way), told Emerald to go, fought an epic fight against Salem and then grabbed her and set himself and her on fire, burning her like a witch – it was epic stuff! RIP Hazel, you died as a hero and went out in an incredibly epic way!

- Hazel’s sacrifice must have been super tough on Emerald. He died protecting her (and JOYR) and it worked. She got away from Salem, but only because someone else, a friend, died for her. Not only must it be awful for her to lose Hazel, she probably also blames herself. (And, as I’ve seen others point out, it was probably the first time in her life an adult did something to protect her. Wow. Someone get this girl therapy, please.)

- The whale getting blown up was an absolutely epic moment. From the music to the cinematography, I loved everything about it. (That said, I will miss the whale. RIP coolest villain lair ever.)

- I loved Watts’ speech to Cinder – and I’m saying this as someone who became a huge fan of Cinder this volume. I love her, but I also love roasting her, and a lot of what Watts said was stuff she desperately needed to hear. I honestly didn’t even like Watts before that moment, but that speech might have made me like him just a tiny bit. The way he just laughed when she dangled him from a building, the way he spelled it out for her that her methods haven’t been working and threw her failures in her face, the ending with calling her “a bloody migraine” – Like I said, I’m a fan of Cinder, but that was glorious and cathartic and beautiful to witness. But what makes it really perfect is Cinder’s reaction: The fact that you’d expect her to kill him or at least scream at him, but instead she spares him and just sits down and cries. I really love what they’ve been doing with Cinder this volume and that they’re finally showing her as someone way deeper than just a power-hungry villain.

- In general, let me quickly talk about Cinder, because even without having seen the last two episodes I can already tell you that she’s my standout character / favourite character of the season. (It was Ilia for Volume 5, Salem for Volume 6, Penny for Volume 7 – and now it’s Cinder.) I said back in my post about Volume 5 that I wish they’d do more with her because after becoming rather interesting in Volume 4 they just went back to making her a pretty flat villain – and I officially have to eat my words and apologize to RoosterTeeth right now! This volume proved to me that they know what they’re doing with Cinder and explained so much about her. I’m sorry for ever doubting the writing. I now want to go back and rewatch the whole show while paying more attention to Cinder and I can’t wait to see where her arc goes from here (yes, I want an eventual redemption, and what about it?). This volume is obviously setting up something big for her – I just have no idea what it is. And at the end of the day, she’s still the Maiden of Choice. She’s the key to the Beacon relic, and that’s going to become important eventually.

- Oh, and can I mention, just by the way, that I think Cinder looks amazing? I don’t understand all the people who say they miss her red outfits when this is clearly her best look yet. The black eyepatch, the cape, the earrings, the short hair, the high boots, the shorts instead of a dress, all the black – this is her absolute best look, period.

- I’ve also noticed that the scene between her and Watts is the first time Cinder has referred to Penny by name. She’s always referred to her with phrases like “some toy” or “Polendina’s creation” before, but this time she just called her “Penny Polendina”, then “Penny” again, and asked Watts how she’s supposed to take Penny’s power “if she’s dead” (not “destroyed”, which is what Watts said, but “dead” – something you say about a person, not a machine). I think somewhere down the line, Cinder has started to see Penny as a person and respect her as the Winter Maiden. Maybe it’s because of how Penny won the fight at Amity, or maybe (though this might be wishful thinking on my part) it’s because Penny questioned why Cinder serves Salem and showed her and Emerald mercy.

- Also, side-note: While I loved Watts’ speech, it sure is bold of him to call Cinder entitled when his own villain origin story is getting overlooked for a science project.

- Neo is an amazing little troll and I love her. From stealing the lamp and skipping along the ruins of the whale happily to those texts to Cinder, all of her moments were brilliant and hilarious.

- Some characters not just forgiving Emerald is totally fair and realistic. But, as I said before (and as Oscar also points out), they don’t have to. People think a “redemption” – or let’s just call it switching sides instead of using such a loaded term – has to include everyone’s forgiveness, but it doesn’t. If Yang and Jaune never want to personally forgive Emerald, that’s okay. They don’t need to forgive her to recognize that she’s changed and work with her. And, as Oscar and Ren point out, Emerald’s abilities would be very useful to have on their side. So, personal feelings are fine and all, but right now they don’t have the luxury to dismiss a potentially very useful ally. (And same for Oz, by the way. It’s fine if they’re still mad at him, but they also need his help.)

- Also, have I already said that I’m very happy for Emerald? Because I’m very happy for Emerald for getting out of there! (Mercury’s and then Cinder’s redemption next, please!)

- F*ck Harriet for trying to get Winter in trouble for letting JYR go. I’m hating her more every second. And then she seriously said “Who cares?” about Ironwood’s plan to nuke Mantle? She’s the most unlikable of them all.

- Everyone’s reunions were so sweet! I loved Ruby and Yang hugging 😭. And Yang cupping Blake’s cheek and their forehead touch had me all 🥰 🥰 🥰.

- After he threatened to nuke Mantle, I hope we can all agree that Ironwood is a straight-up villain now. The most infuriating part is that he didn’t even have to do anything! Whitley and Weiss had figured out a way to save everyone in Mantle and the SDC ships to evacuate people were already there. All Ironwood had to do was let them evacuate everyone to Atlas, and then Penny would have opened the vault willingly and Ironwood could have used the staff to raise Atlas as planned. Problem solved! He should have just sat there and ate his food – but he was so pissed about things not going his way (or maybe he just genuinely hates Mantle that much) that he thought sabotaging the rescue plan and threatening genocide was a better option.

- I loved Marrow’s arc in these episodes and how you could tell more and more that his conscience was making him turn against Ironwood. First he questioned Winter when she was going to nuke the whale before JOYR were back, then he seemed shocked when he thought they were dead, then he tried to talk sense into the other Ace Ops after Ironwood’s ultimatum, and then he straight-up called out Ironwood himself. That last one was dangerous though, and he was lucky Winter was quick enough to jump in and pretend to arrest him, because Ironwood was going to just shoot him in the back.

- Speaking of, I wonder how long Winter has been planning to double-cross Ironwood. How long was she already disagreeing with him, but waiting for the right moment to make a move? Either way, I’m glad she was there to save Marrow.

- The Renora confession scene was so sweet and got me a little choked up 😢. I’m glad they sorted out their issues and told each other how they feel. But like I said before, I think Nora’s arc of trying to find out who she is without Ren is really good and important and Ren respecting that was really good and important as well. It was just a very wholesome scene. Also, I like that we got a little bit more backstory for Nora (her mom abandoned her? that’s awful), and Jaune awkwardly leaving the room was hilarious.

- Robyn telling Qrow he’s a better Huntsman than Clover because he chose to do the right thing was a really important moment for Qrow, imo. (And just a side-note: I’m sure most Fair Game shippers are pretty chill – and I’m a strong believer in ‘ship and let ship’ – but a certain subset of them is starting to get on my nerves with how they ignore Clover’s canon character and story (acting like he would have rebelled against Ironwood if he were alive as if the whole reason he’s dead wasn’t precisely because he cared more about Ironwood’s orders than doing the right thing) and how they make every new plot point about their ship somehow (Oscar’s semblance? Better be a time-travel thing so Clover can come back. Staff of Creation? Better be able to bring people back from the dead so Clover can come back.) It’s so annoying.)

- Yang and Ruby’s talk about their mom was really intense. Ruby’s been holding all of these feelings in for so long, so seeing her say out loud what we’re all fearing (that Summer was turned into a Grimm) and seeing both her and Yang break down over it – that was a lot. I loved seeing Yang comfort Ruby and tell her that her plan for Amity wasn’t useless. Their sisterly bond is so sweet.

- Penny asking Ruby to kill her was another really intense moment. The look on Ruby’s face in that moment really said it all. Ruby has been through so much, has lost Penny before, so hearing that request – even though they fortunately didn’t have to go through with it – must have still been a lot for her.

- I really loved Emerald’s cute “newly reformed villain” moments. (“You guys have been getting your asses kicked… some of that my fault” & “I’m just going to be super pissed if you all finally decide to give up the moment I switch sides.”) I’ve said before (in my She-Ra posts) that my favourite part of any redemption arc is the “former enemies, now awkward around each other” stuff, so this was right up my alley!

- “The girl who fell through the world” was referenced twice now. Between that, the image of everyone falling in the opening, and the lyrics “sometimes it’s worth it all to risk the fall”, I’m going to predict that someone – most likely all of Team RWBY – will fall into that void and potentially end up in a different world.

- The group’s plan to defeat Ironwood, stop the bomb, and get to the vault was amazing all-around. I love the parts Emerald and Winter got to play in it, I love how we saw the plan’s execution before seeing how they came up with it and I love how everyone got to help, even the Schnees and Klein. I also love that the hole Oscar blasted through the ground of Atlas became relevant again.

- The design of the vault and the door are really nice and now I wonder what the other two are going to look like.

- Saving Penny like that was super risky, but they really were out of options. Just the fact that Ruby had to be quick enough to use her semblance and get to the staff before the virus kills Penny… jeesh, that was close.

- Ambrosius is a super fun character! I love that he looked at Penny and said “I’d love to meet whoever did this.” Also, the staff seems more useful than the lamp. The lamp only lets you ask three questions per century, while the staff can be used as often as you want – as long as you’re okay with whatever it previously created disappearing.

- I honestly still don’t completely understand what Penny is now. Is she meant to be human now? Or is she just a being made up of pure aura? How does this work? Ambrosius only created the copy that destroyed herself, so what’s left is Penny’s aura – but she somehow also has a body now? I guess we’ll find out more about what exactly this means later.

- Also, while I wasn’t sure how I feel about this decision re:Penny at first, now that I’ve thought about it for a bit, I think it works. It fits with the Pinocchio story, and I like that they didn’t phrase it as “she’s a real girl now”, but as “this is the girl who’s been in there all along”. Also, Penny saying “wow” after hugging Ruby and then going on a hugging spree was adorable.

- Watching “herself” self-terminate must have been really traumatic, though. Even if that copy was just a robot, it was still a disturbing scene.

- Who shut down communications in the middle of Jaune’s broadcast? I’m assuming it was Cinder, Watts and Neo.

- The whole dimension with the doorways that Ambrosius created looks amazing. (A while before watching this episode, I wondered if Raven could theoretically save Atlas by getting everyone to safety with her portals. It might not have been Raven, but I’m glad I was at least onto something.)

- “Do not fall.” So, about that… they’re all falling in the opening, (and we referenced “the girl who fell through the world” twice now), so I don’t have a good feeling about that. Also, Watts has been dangled from somewhere high twice now, so the third time has to be when he actually falls down.

- And Cinder is there to ruin the plan because of course she is.

[bluupxels]

Check In Tag ✔️

thanks for tagging me kit @simmancy !! and i tag anyone who wants to do this that hasn't gotten tagged yet!

Why did you choose your URL?

my favorite color is blue and i like the word pixels, i spelled it like that bc im quirky 🤪

Any side blogs? If you have them name them and why you have them?

@bluupxels2ccfinds, @bluupxels3ccfinds, @bluupxelsccfinds are all my cc finds blogs, i have them for me really just so i can keep track of things. i also have a “secret” blog @s4towniemakeovers, that i made bc i just really love townie makeovers and wanted a place to be able to look at them all, its not super active as of now but its fun. @dbdccrecs​ is kinda my baby i love setting up themes and pages so i did all of that for it. its just a cc finds for our server DBD but im so behind on reblogging stuff rip

How long have you been on tumblr?

since 2011...... on simblr since 2012... [ben affleck smoking.jpg]

Do you have a queue tag?

i think i used to? i never really found having a tag for queues specifically to be very useful for me so i dont anymore. but i have always enjoyed when other people have fun queue tags hehe they make me smile

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

blogger’s glory days were coming to an end and i saw people there migrating to tumblr so i was like hey let me try! and im still here almost 10 years later... 😰

Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i love rats irl but also ts3′s small animals are still one of my favorite features(?) in any sims game ever. atm it’s wearing a cowboy hat in preparation for cottage living which i refer to in my mind as country living bc farm = country

Why did you choose your header?

i guess its kinda like a cast list for my blog? the 2 saves i have that i consider active are the eclairs and wisps so i have the heirs of the current gen im on in each. i dont remember why i started putting my animal crossing simself in the header but i did so there’s also my island rep skdjskd i used to have the founders/heirs from my old saves too but some of those saves might never come back (or start) so i took them out but now it looks empty :/ 

What’s your post with the most notes?

this stupid fucking thank u next meme

How many mutuals do you have?

is there a way to check that? idk

How many followers do you have?

i actually hit 2.1k somewhat recently! 

How many people do you follow?

324 but my dash has been a little slow for a bit so ive been trying to follow more

Have you ever made a shitpost?

im litrally the human embodiment of a shitpost

How often do you use tumblr each day?

it really depends on how im feeling bc ill go through periods of spending the majority of my free time on tumblr in some way (this is kinda how ive been lately) but then i could go days without checking it at all

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) i win every argument i get into, im an aries sun/cancer moon its who i am

How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

i have all those phrases blacklisted actually 😀 1 bc i hate being told what to do, 2 it always seems performative

Do you like tag games?

yes!! i love talking about myself and the challenge ones are always fun even if i never end up doing them rip minor sim challenge

Do you like ask games?

see: above; but also i love talking about my sims bc i think about them a lot and all their lore ig doesnt always make it on here. i have a bad habit of “i’ll save this for later” and then i never get back to it 😅

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

babes i screamed when these happened....

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

bestie vibes only!!

[obiwanobi]

I’m a bit confused about this submission, and it felt weird to just publish it without comment. Do you mean that you feel like the sw fandom is turning dark, and that at some point there will be no going back? That the fluff/sfw content vs kinky/nsfw content ratio will be screwed forever?

I think there are always moments in a fandom when people want to explore darker aspects of their fantasies with their favourite characters, and it can make people say “hey I never thought about writing/drawing that before... interesting” and it can lead to very kinky trends for a ship/character. But... Is it a bad thing? My stand on fandoms is and will probably always be “do/write/ship what you want, as long as you’re not hurting anyone and remember to tag stuff that could be disturbing for other.” I don’t think having more hardcore/nsfw content will badly impact the tamer side of a fandom if everything is properly tagged, if authors/writers/creators warn people about what they’re going to see/read and give everyone a chance to back down. And if the super hardcore stuff is triggering (like the noncon knotting thing you mentioned) but is tagged appropriately/posted with warnings... then it’s not such a big deal. 

No fandom is completely homogeneous, and even if a lot of people seem to like the very spicy kind of content, you will always find people who don’t want to/can’t deal with the kinky stuff in a fandom and will stick to the light and fluff. Or, of course, have people who are cool with some spicy things, but know what they can handle and enjoy and where to stop before getting uncomfortable. Like I said, I think it’s just a question of knowing what you’re here for, and letting people know that what you wrote/drew/made is probably not for everyone. 

But the wonderful thing about fandoms is that you don’t have to see anything you don’t want to. This is just a hobby, you don’t have to interact with anything you don’t like, and if you, at point, feel like it won’t be good for you to keep reading/seeing some dubious stuff like you were talking about, you can choose to ignore it. You can blacklist things on tumblr, or just check tags on ao3 before getting into a fic and say “meh, not for me” and move on!

So that’s why I’m not too worried about things getting out of hands, as long as people understand that what they create isn’t for everyone and let everyone make their own choice about what kind of content they want to interact with, we will be okay. 

[madasthesea]

I’m sorry for being so mean. I had a really bad day and didn’t mean to say such awful things. But I am frustrated my fics always get ignored, especially by the big names in the fandom such as yourself that claim to support everyone. I’ve written so many fics in this fandom and have been doing so for over a year, yet I only have 30 subscribers. I get really frustrated and feel like I’m a bad writer because everyone ignores me and my fics. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m sorry.

(2/2) For a fan community that claims they are inclusive, everyone sure doesn’t act that way. Everyone already has their friends and people like me who don’t have many friends get ignored. The big names in the fandom don’t support or read the fics by the new people. It’s not just me. I’ve never received a single kudo or comment from you or anyone else that’s popular like you. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but people don’t read my fics.

Ok, I’m answering this in the middle of the night in the hopes that not a lot of people will see it so it won’t become A Thing and then as soon as this fic exchange is over I am turning my anons off forever. Anon, I guess I have to give you credit for coming to apologize, but I have to say, where before I was perfectly capable of laughing off your extremely rude message, I have to say, now I’m annoyed. Because there is not a single instance or bad day or frustration that makes what you said acceptable. You came into my inbox and threw a temper tantrum because you knew my name and I happen to have anons on unlike most of the “fandom big names.” You told me I had the worst fics in the fandom, told me I publish outlines instead of stories and accused me of writing incestual pedophilia because you had a bad day? I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re young because that is the only possible excuse I could give you. As I said in my original response, if I were already an anxious writer, you could have caused me to delete all of my fics and put me off of writing forever. Someone commented on your original message and said that they don’t post their writing because of messages like that one. You’re right you shouldn’t have taken it out on me, and you wouldn’t have if your name had been associated with it. But here we are, and I’m going to try to make it so this never happens again, at least with the two of us. 

Now, onward to your frustrations. I am sorry that you aren’t getting the attention you want, but one) yelling at me on anon isn’t going to fix that. Two) not to be like callous and insensitive, but that happens to almost every writer I know. I’ve been writing fanfiction for 12 years. This is the seventh fandom I’ve written for and no one ever read my fics before this. My first year on AO3 I published six stories and had 500 views total. I get the frustration, but sometimes you just have to get the perfect combination of exposure, plot, and interest. Three) Do you have any idea how many stories get published in the Peter Parker & Tony Stark tag a day? I’m sorry, I can’t read all of them. I don’t want to read all of them, in fact I have 14 different tags blacklisted. Just because I am a “big name” does not mean I owe you a comment or a kudos. If I like your story, I will tell you. Chances are, I haven’t even seen one of your stories, because I’m an adult with a job and hobbies and writing of my own to do. Most of the “big names” are the exact same except a lot of them also have school. If you want someone to read your stories, ask them. Say “hey, I respect you and your opinion, could you look at this for me?” They will probably say yes unless they have a good reason not to. Don’t just sit there and wait for it to happen and get mad when it doesn’t. Also, this is the third time someone has yelled at me for not reading or commenting on their fics and it makes me less inclined to leave kudos in general in case someone comes and gets mad that I read their fic but didn’t comment. So uh… don’t do this again. 

As for the community, do you want to know how to make friends? Send asks (nice ones) not on anon. We can’t interact with you if you don’t know who you are. Reblog our fics. Comment on our posts. You can’t make friends if no one knows you exist. And the only way to show you exist is show yourself in our notes, in our inboxes. Sitting in your corner of tumblr and being bitter isn’t going to help anyone. This fandom is welcoming and it is kind and it is supportive. You saw how many people came to my defense tonight. If you talk to those people, they’ll talk back, but they can’t reach out to every single Irondad blog, it just isn’t feasible. 

And finally, how to get your fics read more. Like I said, part of it is just… luck. I got in at the very beginning, as did losingmymindtonight, parkrstark, several others, and had already established myself before IW came out and the fandom got bigger. Lucky break on my part, but I’m also a good writer because I’m 25 and I have a Master’s in a writing heavy field and I’ve been writing my entire life. Sometimes it just takes practice. But there is stuff that all good fics have in common, so here we go:

1) Good grammar, good spelling, good punctuation.

I don’t know who you are so I have no idea what your writing is like, but this is stuff I had to tell college students as a teacher, so I’m just going to go over it. 

Are there line breaks between every paragraph? No? There need to be. It’s hard to read when all of the words are bunched together, meaning automatic exits will happen, regardless of content.

Do you start a new paragraph every single time a new person speaks? You should.

“When someone is speaking,” I asked, “do you put a comma before the speech tag?” Commas, not periods. Not periods then commas. Punctuation goes inside the quotation marks. 

Are you writing in first or second person (I or you)? Don’t.

Pay attention to your tenses. It is very confusing reading a story that switches tenses every sentence. 

Are you capitalizing the beginning of every sentence and proper noun? You have to. Reading all lowercase takes energy and concentration and readers don’t like to put more effort in than they’re used to. Also it’s just pointless.  

Get a beta reader. Get grammarly (but the free version, don’t pay) or another editing service. Google anything you have a question about. EDIT YOUR WRITING. 

2) New ideas

Every fandom has tropes they love, but not every fic can be a trope fic. Every fic I write is, if not completely new, a spin on a popular trope.

Yes, there are some popular field trip fics, but most of them get lost in the weeds because they are all the same. And most of the people I talk to don’t even like them. (This counts for May dies fics, sensory overload… If you’re going to write it, you have to make it different and you have to make it good.)

Look to other movies or books for ideas, check out irondad-fic-ideas, something. Write something new, something only you can write, and at least some people will notice.

3) Good characterization

Now apparently everything I write is OOC, so maybe I’m not the best person to be giving advice on this :/ (I’m still annoyed. I’m getting over it)

BUT–the best way to write a well-known character is to know the source material. Listen to the way they talk, watch how they move. Ignore fanon. It’s hard, but try. Peter isn’t actually a perpetual ray of sunshine, chatter box 12 year old like we often write him, Tony isn’t 100% sarcasm and incapable of recognizing his own feelings. 

If you can hear the character say it in their actual voice, it’s probably a good line. 

4) Misc.

Fandom rule of thumb: cute fluff and hardcore whump win out over deep character studies on convoluted plot lines. If you’re just looking for hits or maybe a fic to establish yourself, that’s a good way to do it. 

If you’re posting a multi-chapter fic, don’t post it all at once. People will comment on each chapter as you post and you’ll get more hits. 

Respond to comments, especially at the early stages. It makes your readers more invested, it builds friendships, and it makes your stats look better. 

There’s a blog that supports little known writers in this fandom! Rec your fics there!

Make sure to never, ever put “I suck at summaries” or “fic is better than summary” it is an instant turnoff. If you can’t write the thing that makes me want to read the fic well, why would I think I want to read the fic?

Tagging on AO3 is vital. Tag the right relationships, tag the right emotions (angst, fluff, hurt/comfort). I often sort just by these. Always put in the category, (M/M, F/M, etc.) and the rating. There is no reason not to, but not doing so makes people less likely to read. Always tag triggers.

Never steal fics or ideas. If a story inspires you, you can ask the author if you can write something similar and then link in your story back to theirs. Nothing will make you less popular in a fandom than stealing work.

Lastly, I know authors constantly talk about how important comments and kudos are, and they are so important to bolstering spirits, I get that, but if you aren’t writing for yourself first, you will always be disappointed. You should enjoy your fic as much when you read it in your word doc as when you read it online with comments and kudos. And maybe you write really niche stuff that doesn’t appeal to a lot of people, but churning out carbon copies of the Fandom Tropes and hoping for hits is not going to satisfy you and you will keep being frustrated.

Let’s not do this again, shall we? Next time you have a question, ask me nicely.

[lavenderek]

So you're saying you don't think "underage" fic is gross. Is that what youre saying?

well, no. yuck. what i’m saying is, what exactly and specifically do we want to happen?

there should not be explicit fic about underage characters, got it. so what age can they not be under? 18? 16? what country’s laws regarding the age of consent do we prioritize? like, i think it’s gross that the age of consent is 16 in some places, but i’m an american, so i would, wouldn’t i? so ok, what if we hedged it a bit and put the age as like, 14? that way it’s not little kids, it’s all teenagers. but no, gross, 14-year-olds are children. fun fact: so are 16-year-olds. they are also children.

what about fic about two teenagers having a consensual encounter? should all romantic or sexual fic have to be about adults only? your answer to this may very well be “yes,” and that’s completely valid. a teenager writing fic might disagree. somebody who’s a big fan of a show that’s about a bunch of teenagers might disagree. should there be an adults-only section on the site? there’s already a “stop, you have to be 18″ box to check before you can access explicit fic, so how do we verify a user’s age? they can just lie about their age and click through anyway. you have to be 18 to make a youtube account and i’ve had one since i was 13. i remember very deliberately choosing a new birth year when it asked for my birthdate.

then you get to slightly greyer areas like large age gaps, or heavy role play between consenting adults. i have absolutely witnessed fic that’s clearly written to be CP, but it’s tagged as age play. so like, for all intents and purposes this is CP, but if you roll in like “hey, this is fucked up,” they can be like, “oh, so you read this picturing actual children, sicko?? you have a problem with two adults doing shit in the bedroom??? how dare you!!! don’t like don’t read!!!”

it’s kind of like on porn sites, how they make like nasty inc*st stuff but call it “stepmom” or whatever, like oh, they’re not actually related! sure, joseph, thanks for covering all your bases

so we can’t ban kinks. or can we? should we limit depictions of serious addictions or domestic abuse too? torture, or even body horror? these are generally accepted to be dark content.

i’m not trying to engage in whataboutism, i’m naming actual, relevant questions about shit that’s disturbing in real life (no offense to kink people who follow codes of consent and conduct) and can be incredibly upsetting to encounter online. shit that i can’t imagine wanting to read, let alone write.

these are the questions that we, you, i, people pro-a*3 and people anti-a*3, are all asking, and not a single one of us can or should answer them unilaterally.

so it’s like, oh, okay, so there should be no oversight at all? should there be no rules? no, obviously, that would be horrible, i don’t trust any of these fuckers to conduct themselves civilly. so there should be some rules, but not too many rules. that’s what we have now, and clearly the way things are now isn’t working because a lot of users are reasonably very upset.

should there be a voting system, and rules are set by a popular vote? should certain words be flagged and you can’t post the fic with that word in it? should there be a thing where when you post a fic, you have to select the ages of each character and that’s listed at the top of the fic? what if they age during the fic? should there be a flagging function, where you report someone for not using sufficient tags? users will find workarounds for all of this. you know they will. so mods will have to be very specific about the rules and introduce, like, a vetting system for it. which is a lot more manpower and a lot more chances for subjective judgments.

all of the above is why it operates on a tagging system instead. i’m gonna be real, i only go on a*3 to read comments on my own shit lmao, and even when i did go on there more often i never went in the tags searching for fic. so is there a blacklist function? is there a flagging function?

if there is a flagging function, maybe they make it so that if the flagged user has violated the rules, their account is suspended and their fic made private for the duration and until they add necessary tags.

cool, a compromise. but uh-oh, it turns out Mod A agrees that this fic is n*ncon, but Mod B thinks it’s just vague, not n*nconsensual, and doesn’t feel comfortable banning the fic. or it turns out User didn’t post anything flaggable, they were reported by somebody who is targeting them for some reason, or by someone who is more stringent about n*ncon than somebody else would be, like, it’s gotta be enthusiastic and verbal consent or else it’s skirting the edges too much.

it’s like, we’ve already witnessed censorship (please take this word usage gently, i know it’s touchy but it’s the word to use here) being a problem here on tumblr with their stupid nipple ban. there’s a double standard regarding whose nipples are explicit and whose are kosher for public consumption. people have to appeal their shit getting flagged and sometimes nothing gets fixed regardless. i’m sure other people are pleased that there’s less of a chance of them accidentally scrolling past a picture of a hard dick at work.

so you get it, this is a problem that’s more complicated than “all of x should be banned and if you post it there’s something wrong with you,” a belief you’re more than entitled to hold but can’t base, like, fanfic legislation off of. you get it you get it.

you get it, but like, what is the fucking deal with those “fandom moms” who go off on soliloquies about the days of old or whatever the fuck whenever this topic comes up? what about the weirdos who are like, “what’s next, banning gay fic????” yeah, if we allow gay marriage you can marry a tree, that’s how it works, thanks tiffany.

but no, the reason they do this is NOT that they think lgbtq content is comparable in any way to CP. the reason they do this is that this exact problem has taken place on every site that has ever hosted fic. and many previous sites did think lgbtq content was comparable to CP. it was categorized as adult content and hidden.

that’s why a*3 exists in the first place. it was to avoid godmodding and absolutism. it’s supposed to be more or less self-governed. i don’t want there to be CP on a*3 any more than you do, but i also don’t trust randos to decide what is and isn’t acceptable content. this topic is not new.

i’m in support of stronger government regulation in real life because it can be argued that certain actions and systems violate human rights. everybody deserves food and shelter, for example. the same can’t be argued in this case because some creep writing CP doesn’t violate my rights. i find it offensive and i don’t think they should be writing it, but my right to click the back button is intact. there is no institution making it impossible or even difficult for me to not read fanfiction. the creep could just as reasonably argue that their right to post what they want is being affected.

why is this response so long? is it because i can’t shut up? yes, but also because this is a complex issue and that’s why nobody has taken significant action on it.

people are also big mad.

i’ve never understood this impulse to see somebody not doing a thing you want them to do and assume it’s out of malice or incompetence, anyway. i don’t know anybody who volunteers for a*3 but it’s my assumption that given the choice to have us all pissed at them, or have us all not pissed at them, they would choose to have us not be pissed at them. it just seems like the reasonable reaction to have. and like, i’d be pretty shocked to part the kimono and find out they’re all CP-loving gargoyles and a*3 actually stands for A lot Of child abus3. that is the reason i have not been like, “fuck a*3.” because what are they supposed to do, you know?

there’s no simple or inarguably morally right solution here. the princess is in another castle. just post fic on tumblr, i guess? make another hosting site that’s exactly like a*3 but romantic characters can only be like, 21?

i actually think the legal age in the US should be raised to 21, not joking. your brain literally and biologically isn’t finished developing at 18. teenagers lack the world experience to make decisions that adults make.

somewhere there is an 18-year-old or a person who moved out and became self sufficient at 18 who hates this sentiment. there’s a teenager in an abusive home who would be intensely demoralized by the prospect of having to remain beholden to these people for three more years.

and there’s a parent who is relieved to know that their kid can’t be preyed on by army recruiters for three more years. there’s a person who got into a car crash with a teenager who misjudged whether or not they could make a turn who’s like, yeah, she could probably have benefited from a few more years.

nothing is as simple as it should be. i agree with you, but i’m not willing to pass blanket judgments with regards to actions that should be taken. and honestly, given how little i actually go on the site, i don’t even have a dog in this fight. so all my opinions on it are moot anyway.

(side note, if you are in an abusive home and you can’t make your own bank account, or if your bank account is monitored by your abusive parents, maybe try venmo? you can get a debit card that pulls directly from your venmo balance. a surprising number of places accept venmo payments, and this way you can save up money in secret.)

anyway uhhhhh seeya

[raedas]

Hey, friend! I love your blog and you post a lot of good content, but some of your reblogs deal with issues that (although are very real and important and need to be addressed), I'm trying to avoid seeing on my dash (Tumblr is my escape). If you wouldn't mind tagging anything that might be considered political, or even if you just tags things like "injustice" or something... just for my peace of mind while I'm on here. I promise I'm not ignoring these issues. I just need a break sometimes. 💕💕💕

hi!!! im so so sorry, i normally try to tag things but sometimes i forget. from now on i’ll make sure to remember as much as possible (and also if there’s anything, and i mean anything, on my blog you want me to tag please send me an ask) i’ll tag stuff as tw injustice and tw politics so blacklist those two if you don’t want to see it (those were the broadest terms i could think of so you dont have to blacklist a lot?) i’ll also tag individual things, such as racism, sexism, antisemitism, homophobia, etc (you get the idea) so that if you dont want to see those individual things you can blacklist those as well as the broad ones like politics and injustice. sorry about not always doing that in the past!! and yeah i totally get it, wanting a safe space is totally valid and i know tumblr is a safe space for a lot of people. thanks for reaching out!!