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#and i guess it made me even more selfish
sleepyams · 10 months
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I’m so sad lol
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ominous-horse-noises · 4 months
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main takeaway from certain fan reactions to the finale is this:
the final scene with ankarna was so meaningful to the bad kids' arcs and how they made peace with being wronged by people they loved, and if all you can focus on is that the rat grinders didn't get much screentime, then you don't love dimension20 and you don't love this world: you want to be playing your own hs themed dnd campaign and you're mad the oc versions of the rat grinders you made up in your head acted ooc. these are not your characters and this is not their story.
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monards · 6 months
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i know hoyo is setting up rhine to have good intent and whatever in her trying to 'save' khaneri'ah or whatever; but i REALLY hope they stay with the cruel persona thats been built up for her. because it would be so wonderful to see a character who had good intent in the beginning just get absolutely corrupted; with the inability to ever go back to that prior state purely because of what had happened. also because there is NO way in her turning back after all that shit
#sorry. i dont think theres any good and plausible explanation for rhine to still be a kind or gentle person in general#she can (and SHOULD) have her moments. but it'd make so much more sense (and be much more impactful) for her to be inherently cruel#because look at all the stuff thats happened#i love the indomitable human spirit trope. dont get me wrong.#but rhine has that in the way she WONT stop her research till shes either dead or murdered. she is not gonna be gentle kind and optimistic#she watched all her kids (that she was SHOWN to care for) get very brutally murdered.#had to then go and kill her next creations that she didn't consider perfect (which most certainly fucks a women up. no matter what you say)#made the 'perfect creation' and the way she treated him was obviously a HUGE contrast to how she was before (being gentle and nuturing)#and left him (albeit with what we can guess was good intent) with NO goodbye just#a recommendation letter. a text. and his final mission#she could have good intent#and still care for others#dont get me wrong!!!!!!!#but shes. human???#humans can be (as much as i hate to say it) a tad selfish when it comes to survival#and being antagonized demonized AND shunned by teyvat and even her own people. having to survive multiple gods wrath#isn't. gonna be good for the human psych#and it isn't gonna be something fixable#look at how furina progressively faltered over a hundered years WHILE being adored#she already started waning in her ethics and morals (as someone immortalized as a human WOULD)#with exposing lyney and all of that when it was VERY clearly the morally wrong thing to do (which her as a human would know)#and being relatively pessimistic and clearly spiralling#(no hate. i love furina with all my heart.)#if thats how FURINA started going#imagine rhine who has nobody (save maybe alice. but i doubt she'd be constant given her spontaneous nature and refusal to sit still)#shit man. even I'D go crazy and be horrible.#its okay and natural to be bitter#and its not as if anybody was there to help#hexenzirkel has a ton of women who survived their own nations falling yes#but not ONE of them (from what we know) has had circumstances any where near rhine's
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lwcina · 5 months
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the fact that the us government can continue funding and arming a genocide despite massive public opposition really highlights how inherently non-democratic the united states is
#almost like the idea of a representative demcracy is both historically undemocratic and inherently is incapable of being so#by historically i mean that representative democracies have always meant the creation of a category of ‘citizen’ that is above ‘non-citizen#even the civilization where the term democracy comes from was patriarchal and had fucking slavery#not chattel slavery but (hot take) non chattel slavery is still bad.#also fundamentally one person can literally not represent the wishes of a large collection of people who have only geography in common.#theyre going to want different things!!!#now the idea of if democracy is inherently a virtue is like. another topic. but i will say that like seeing the history of like the#popular sovreignty movement wrt to slavery really made me question it. just because a lot of people want something to happen doesnt#actually mean it should happen. white people voted to legalize slavery#kind of where the old ‘minority’ terminology comes in. just by numbers alone in the states that had these votes it wasnt like in the south#where in the south because of plantations the actual population majority in some places was black.#but in those midwestern new states even if everyone person there could have voted. white people would still be the vasy majority.#honestly to a degree pointing out that none of the societies that have claimed to be democracies have truly been democratic is…#i guess the primary value in it is to challenge people who take state mythologies at face level#a very large population that i often forget exists.#the ‘they cant do that its illegal’ types.#anyways. if we consider that every society in documented history has had some type of violence and oppression#and if we believe that people are NOT inherently selfish/violent#it follows that what we need to do is something different than what we have been doing.#not just different from what we are doing right now. but different from what we have been doing for the past centuries#but also i can imagine that societies and ways of living that aren’t legible to the status quo or just went undocumented for other reasons#may have been more egalitarian. and we dont know due to erasure (either intentional or non-intentional)#both erasure and a fundamental inability of historians to comprehend it. similar to how cishet historians who cant fathom the idea of#transness or lesbianism talk about things.
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moonlit-orchid · 5 months
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Normal people: vent about their feelings in a diary or blog post
Me: makes a whole ass zine at nearly midnight
#okay so i was CONSIDERING the vent zine#and then um something and then i was like “yeah no i cant rest until i get this out”#so i sat down and made this vent zine that's gonna embarrass me next year lmao#am i okay? ... actually I'm trying to be okay now#I'm just questioning something about someone#sorry to keep referring back to That Thing it's just been on my mind a lot#even before that vent post for a while now i was wondering if everything really was okay. if it was making me okay.#because i dont want to be selfish and abandon someone when they need me. I've been abandoned before.#but it's been going on like this for a while and I'm taking too much of it in#i cant even see their name on my phone or like receive a message without going through mini heart attacks wondering if something's wrong-#-again and if i need to hear another drama again#it kind of feels uncomfortable as well in a way. like they're oversharing and that I'm not supposed to be knowing so much#maybe that's just me though. maybe im automatically distancing myself without realising it?#i dont know i just want to hide and not be so... involved i guess?#i think maybe I'm a person more suited to lighter friendships. or maybe there's been so much heaviness that this is just too much now#i dont know. i dont hate them at all but i wouldn't be too upset if they ghosted me (maybe thats just how i feel right now)#i dont know if I'm running away from my problems instead of trying to fix them or something#i have fixed them before. i have communicated and fixed issues before but this time i just cant anymore#okay that's enough rambling. it's midnight#mind you my zine does look pretty good. for a zine made out of a single sheet of paper and written/doodled on in black pen with a lil red#alright that's enough from me now. if you've stayed for this long go drink some water-i know you havent hydrated in ages#(says the woman who hasnt hydrated either-)
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getreadytosmash · 9 months
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Sometimes there's just lids on things u don't wanna open
#the queen of smash (mun)#idk its dumb and stupid but ever since i've been playing more visual dating sims#i just get these days where i feel like....nothing????#like. not a girl just a body this compile of personhood#and like idk maybe its cause visual sims lets you have so much cleaner interaction with selfhood and gender#compared to irl where i live in a country where HRT is smth thats difficult to comeby so overall ALL of it feels messy#demigirl works out fine enough for me but idk i just. somedays i feel LESS like a girl and more. nothing#i dont fully like it because it just feels like im faking it?? jumping on a bandwagon???#almost half of the friends i've made or have on tumblr pretty much went down a pipeline of afab to they/them to he/him or he/they#with more masc learning and terms#and idk if i'd go THAT far??? I don't mind being called he/him but it's not my full go to i don't think???#but idk it feels. selfish. like im pretending. idk if i like the idea of being they/them ALL the time i like she/her enough#im just. (huffsssss) my parents have always been open that they expected me to become a dyke lesbian or trans because i was a big tomboy#so maybe a part of me feels like i'm playing into these expectations and i feel so sick at the idea. even tho ANYthing of my pronouns.#would stay online#idk idk i guess after being always she/her i'm...vaguely curious to see how i feel with they/them but again. pretender stuff.#maybe i don't feel it properly like everyone else does#im just this sack of flesh filled with nothing good but what others have#i don't FEEL enby enough to be one#but idk if demigirl fully suits me AS much now#oughhhhhhhhhhhhh
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blimpixels · 11 months
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venting a bit.
my least favorite notification ever has gotta be people cancelling their patreon subs. i posted something i worked extremely hard on and someone cancelled their membership 2 minutes later
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rimouskis · 1 year
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okay I've decided against pursuing any sort of diagnosis re: my growing suspicions I have ADHD/something of that ilk for a variety of reasons, but it will NEVER stop galling me how I lack object permanence. like a baby. I need to have clear storage containers because if I cannot see something I forget it exists. it's both a relief to know that there is a potential "explanation" for such behavior but also realizing that most other people can do convenient things (like: remembering the existence of stuff) is also FRUSTRATINGGGG because I wish that was me! imagine being able to remember things not only casually but well! imagine that! god!
#it's also frustrating because it can bleed into interpersonal relationships and depending on people's friendship styles it can have a...#large impact. like back in high school my best friend would regularly be hurt by me not remembering things#(ranging from stories she'd tell me to stories I'd already told her to people's names to pieces of information I'd been made aware of)#and I took it personally at that age and sort of took it as:#''I am an inherently selfish person who can't remember things about other people and I am Bad''#and while that friendship grew apart and she sort of resigned herself (eventually) to me being the way that I was#I guess I never really let go of my guilt around it... and even now I still feel Very Bad about not remembering things#and I've often thought to myself of how I could mitigate it to be a better friend#but I short of ''keeping notes on your friends and the stories they tell you which you will need to reference often''#I've not had much luck in cracking that#I feel like as I've grown older I've found friends who (for whatever reason) don't take my ''poor memory'' personally#[and hilariously I've seemed to befriend people with FREAKISHLY GOOD memories who more than make up for my own]#and that's been... a bit better because it's been many years since I've had a friend make me feel bad for not remembering something#and in fact I have friends now who HAVE diagnosed ADHD who (obviously) Get It#but back of my head I still think that I do the people around me a disservice by not frequently/accurately committing things to memory#I think it makes me a worse friend and a worse employee for that matter#and I do in fact wish there was a magic pill that would grant me that ability and that ability only. it feels like it would change my LIFE.#anyways this tag essay is brought to you by:#me looking for my concert earplugs (which I have never used despite buying them FOR three concerts I went to last year since I kept...#say it with me... forgetting about them the day of the concert!) and finding a stash of two different battery types I had no idea I owned#anyways. earplugs are going into my car so I will have them on me#and batteries have been moved to the clear container in my closet with the other batteries. sigh.
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toastsnaffler · 19 days
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I love to talk but I rly do feel like we have to be talking for a minimum of 8 hours straight before I feel like I can even begin to rly broach things on my mind or that have been bothering me a lot that I actually want to talk abt without being vague or deflecting or omitting or lying and if the conversation takes a break at any point it resets back to 0 and its still nice regardless but.
#we're all just desperately chasing each other around for a semblance of connection in this cold bleak world#but unfortunately due to the relentless crushing pressures of capitalism we also have to work so no time for that#man. sorry just frustrated n miserable now. wish i was capable of feeling close to other ppl wish i could give other ppl that connection#but instead we're just ships in the night passing by or whatever#and i have to settle with not rly being known or wanted or important in other ppls lives and its forever. btw#bc even if ppl do think they know me or do want me around or i am important to them in some way.. the specific torture labyrinth i call#home is constructed in the most elegant and precise way that im incapable of believing them to be sincere anyway#so thats all on me! if I tried harder and made more of an effort to communicate with or trust ppl i wouldnt feel this way!#but i dont so better luck in the next life i guess! this is why i dont think abt this shit bc it makes me want to kms#whats even the point man#dont even worry abt me im fine just need to fucking vent bc i dont have time to allow myself to feel anything bc i have plans tmr#so i need to go to bed early. and ill just try my best to keep distracted forever so ill never need to face how pathetically desperate#i am for any kind of emotional intimacy whatsoever and also physical contact but im not normal enough to fulfil any of my own needs#yeah well. its my life that i have to live and im the one making it this way. digging my grave and lying in it innit#its fine tho bc they make repressed fictional characters that i can project onto instead of confronting any of my issues#so ill just be here in my labyrinth doing that. while everyone else gets to see sunlight and grass and whatever#im just so tired i dont want to do this i want to pretend i dont care and dont need it and maybe itll become true. its too much for me#let me know when they need me to pilot the jaeger and drift with someone and thru our mindmelding i can finally achieve intimacy and trust#well anyway. that was embarrassing. hope it works out for everyone else#hope my flatmate gets her ideal life w our other old flatmates and finds a convenient way of discarding me from that like they want#except im going to make it as difficult as possible for as long as i can for them to get rid of me bc im selfish and want what i want so.#my obligate parasite ass. or whatever. im going to throw up if i keep thinking so thats a good place to stop and go to sleep probably#.vent#dont interact im being stupid as fuck and dont care just leave me alone thanks
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piplupod · 10 months
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they're just leaving me with nothing. i have so much and yet theres nothing left that holds me so I don't have anything really
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sleepyiampleaseletmein · 11 months
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it is fine and good to be dramatic Sometimes be edgy be cringe pee pee poo poo
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angeltism · 1 year
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not 2 keep posting literally Only Vents (and like 1 normal thing once a day) but it's nights like these I reminisce about my abuser and wonder all that "what if"s
all the sui tw/cw tags r because of shit I wrote in the tags
#➳ valentin vents#and yes i am purposefully triggering memories by listening to my playlist of songs i had full blown panic attacks and mental breakdowns to#or would listen to while it manipulated and turned me into his own little puppet while i felt disgust and. so. unsatisfied.#i hate that you all know me as who i am now#i hate that this is the me you have to see#why couldn't you all have met the sweet immature aqua who made sex jokes and who's only worry was petty drama ?#why couldn't you guys have gotten attached to him ? he would have been a better friend and partner than this aqua .#this aqua cries xerself to bed every night even if things are theoretically fine and makes her life miserable for no reason#he's selfish and always demands more and more and then plays the victim about it#she shouldn't exist . this vessel should have died a year ago when it met the person — the monster — who ruined it .#the asshole who killed innocent sonia and left his body to be possessed by the worthless maryne#i should have done it . i should have gone and chugged all those pills instead of just cutting contact . maybe he would have felt remorse#maybe I'd have saved so much money and tears and not have wasted the time of those who got to know this current '' being ''#but I've always been too much of a pussy to do something like that#oh well#i guess I'll just have to wait until the universe decides it's my time since i guess . idk . dad would miss me a lot . maybe some irls woul#too ? and mom and grandma . yeah I'll . uh . not chug an entire bottle of whatever random pills i can find in my cabinet .#i still need to get married some day . and at the very least I'm not dying a virgin lmao#ugh angways aqua stfu time go cry in uur bed like uu always do stop telling people online how uu should have killed uurself a year ago n#sharing tmi about uur trauma !!!!#tw sui mention#tw sui ideation#tw sui vent#tw sui talk#cw sui mention#cw sui ideation#cw sui thoughts#yea
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insanechayne · 1 year
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~ ~ ~
#so I guess you just weren’t going to talk to me yesterday#I don’t know if it’s because you’re still mad at me or because you just ‘didn’t have time’ to send any more messages#but in any case I spent my whole day basically just sitting here refreshing my messages waiting for you like I always do just to get nothing#this is why I tried to bring up to you that our lack of contact lately was bothering me and making me feel like I did something wrong#this is why I tried to propose a solution of agreeing not to talk every single day to make things easier on both of us#a solution which you completely ignored and refused to acknowledge when you snapped at me#you say you hate having to justify yourself and don’t even realize that I was never asking you to do so#but having to beg you for time and being made to feel like I’m having to chase you down in this friendship isn’t exactly fun or healthy#I’ve let you dictate pretty much every facet of our relationship and conceded so much because I can’t bear to lose you#I can’t even defend myself properly because the second you snap at me and show me you’re upset I just crumble and do whatever you want#I’m constantly apologizing for everything I say and do#and I’m made to feel like I’m being selfish and manipulative just because I want to be able to talk to my friend a little more often#you wondered why I felt used and like I was just trash to you? well this is part of the reason why honey#you treat me like I’m disposable and like my worries and feelings don’t matter#but anyway it just hurts to realize that for whatever reason you never planned on talking to me again yesterday#personal
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besotted-with-austen · 5 months
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Jane Austen: so, you go to Mr Collins' house and Elizabeth is there alone. She welcomes you politely, but she looks---troubled.
Colonel Fitzwilliam: and of course she does, after everything I said to her-
Fitzwilliam Darcy: do I sense if she is mad at me specifically or it is just her headache?
Jane Austen: roll an Investigation Check.
Fitzwilliam Darcy: *grimacing* it's a three.
Jane Austen: just her headache.
Caroline Bingley: *derisively* she only looks like she wants to stab you, Darcy.
Fitzwilliam Darcy: *shrugs* I guess I am too nervous to really give her a proper look.
Jane Austen: what do you do next?
Fitzwilliam Darcy: well, I-I tell her, "In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."
Jane Austen: Elizabeth blushes. She is absolutely stunned.
Georgiana Darcy: that is good, right? Right?
Fitzwilliam Darcy: I tell her that even if her family is--not ideal-
Charles Bingley: *making a face*
Caroline Bingley: *playfully disgusted frown* and I made my character romance you?
Fitzwilliam Darcy: -and I might be acting impulsively, I just have to let her know that I love her. That's it.
**Silence**
Jane Austen: *smacks her lips* okay-
Charles Bingley: *histerical laughter* I don't like the way you said it-
Colonel Fitzwilliam: it's an immediate natural one, yes? Please tell me it's immediate.
Georgiana Darcy: shhhh!
Jane Austen: give me a Persuasion Check-let me tell you, you have to roll very high.
Fitzwilliam Darcy: figures-very well-
Fitzwilliam Darcy: *beat*
Fitzwilliam Darcy: *flatly* natural one.
Colonel Fitzwilliam: JUSTICE!
Jane Austen: *claps her hands* you make your grand love confession, but Elizabeth stops you and immediately rejects you.
Fitzwilliam Darcy: ouch.
Jane Austen: she tells you that she could never marry the person that hurt her sister and destroyed Wickham's future-
Fitzwilliam Darcy: *dawning horror* I had forgotten they had talked, fuck-
Jane Austen: and, finally-
Charles Bingley: there is more? He is already dead-
Jane Austen: Elizabeth looks at you dead in the eye and says: "From the very beginning—from the first moment, I may almost say—of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form the groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry."
Fitzwilliam Darcy: damn.
Caroline Bingley: *dying of laughter under the table*
Charles Bingley: I do not know if I can resurrect you after that.
Georgiana Darcy: I knew it, I should have given you Bardic Inspiration-
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ramonathinks · 2 months
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Fuck it, Guess We Both Ain't Shit — GOJO
summary: as meg said, “quit asking when imma leave my n*gga, knowin’ you still with your bitch”
cw// 18+, MDNI cheating, sex, fingering, oral, risky sex, geto slander, squirting, choking, slight impact play, sappy moments,
tagging -> @satorubi @sunasbon haha. dividers by @/cafekitsune word counter: 1.1k just a little thirst/drabble :p
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“he’s your best friend” this was a conversation almost twice a week, with him on his knees looking right at your puffy clit, spreading your legs wide enough so he can fit through, though just barely.
“and she’s your roommate” he huffs out a laugh, kissing the bud and you flinch back, legs trembling.
“ah– fuck… fuck you.” even with saying that, you open your legs more, waiting and wanting for him to have his fill of you. his fingers, his tongue, his cock was all you could think of most days and you hated yourself for it.
“me and suguru always loved to share our toys. but you just want me all to yourself right? only me, hm? so why not just break up with him?” gojo’s fingers are on your clit but they roam, teasing your slit — almost inside but steadily running up and down, your breathing hitched and shook as you spoke. 
“why not break up with her?” you counter, grinding your hips to his palm. you hated how he always made you fight to get a touch from him.
“nah baby, tell me… humor me? make me understand or I’ll stop,” he looks in your eyes, stares deep into them until all you can see is blue surrounding you. “i won’t let you cum.” he’s doing the thing now to tempt you…sliding his fingers inside, curves them just well enough that you can taste your orgasm and pull away.
“he’s just …” your throat closes up but he slows his pace, he wants to know the truth… the rivalry he and Suguru had was always different, something twisted in his head; best friends but deeper and worse. it wasn't hatred and it wasn't that he even wanted to be him, but he wanted everything that suguru had and it was torture... evident that he was still a child at heart. a selfish needy child.
“he can’t make me cum, okay? especially…” you’re gasping. “especially like you do, satoru. he’s not as big and he just doesn’t feel right… i..--”
he’s shoving his face into your pussy, slick and saliva sliding down his face as he eats you out. throwing your leg over his shoulder for a better taste. “actually, i don’t think i can wait any longer, need to be inside you.”  his shirt's on the floor and he's smiling at you, sliding the head of his cock around your slit.
"so why me over her?" you ask, gasping when he settles inside of you and he hisses feeling your tightness around him.
“this fucking cunt is the reason, so fucking pretty and perfect.” he says, with you squeezing him tight he feels like he’s going to cum, his cock twitching and your juices sliding down his length, sinking himself lower and fucking inside of you hard. you’re swatting his chest, overwhelmed at him hitting a particularly gooey part inside of you. “c’mon baby, i know you can take it for me. you always do, come on.” pressing his hand against your stomach to feel himself inside of you, you both smile. “fucking stuffing you, aren’t i?”
he sped up his pace, dragging himself in and out of your pussy so slow that it almost hurt whenever he slipped out and it made you wrap your legs around his waist and to hold him close against your chest. he slips out, slides in and his cock strokes your inner walls at a dangerous pace, his hand on your hip. he moves to kiss your lips and  you turn your head, away from him.
“still won’t let me kiss you? that’s too far for you, hm? can’t be cheating if i haven’t kissed those pretty lips, is that what you think?” he’s laughing and it makes your chest hurt a bit at how mean he’s being. “those pretty lips suck my cock and you dirty those knees for me, but can’t kiss me… scared you’ll fall deeper?” his thrusts are harder and deeper, you’re gasping until he wraps a hand around your throat. 
he slaps your throbbing cunt, once and watches the clear waterfall of your squirt drip like a faucet with a smirk, tapping the head of his cock on your slap, fascinated at how more comes out. there’s a smile on his lips as he fucks more of it out of you, rolling his hips enough that it angled his cock to a new position, the tip nudging that spot again and fucking it ever so slightly. your moans breathy and loud, as if you didn’t care who heard which made me laugh at you. 
you’re dizzy and your body is humming, your mind so light that your thoughts are clouded with fantasies that won’t come true; him taking care of you and providing, not even just sex but more… your heart is thumping with excitement and awe, a droopy smile touches your lips. “do you really want me?” you sound far away and muffled, your tongue heavy. “or am I just another conquest for you, sa–toru..”
he sounds close, you can feel his body radiating heat against yours, a laugh on the tip of his tongue: “i never wanted anyone as badly as i want you, suguru has good taste, but i plan on making you mine.” he kisses the palm of your hand, peppering kisses up your arm until he’s at your shoulder, licking up your collarbone. his lips graze yours but he pulls away. “will you let me kiss you this once?”
“just this once.”
neither of you hear the bedroom door open, neither of you realize suguru is there, standing there and looking until he laughs. “here i was trying to be a good boyfriend and bring your favorite snacks since you've been sad all week and here’s satoru, who comes to see you before he even announces that he made it back from his trip and…” he laughs again, throwing the food on the floor. “and, you were only this sad because he was gone so why am i surprised that you’re fucking him?”
“sug–” you didn’t mean to, honestly… you regret not ending things but regardless if you did, getting with satoru after being with suguru would only raise the same questions. 
“no.” he’s leaving, moving fast trying to get out of the door. 
“please, suguru just listen.” it’s satoru who’s talking now and for a moment he does stop, turns around and he scoffs.
“he’ll break you, you know that? like he does with all the girls he’s been with.” he’s talking to you, looking over satoru’s shoulder and looking you in your eyes with a deep look of disgust and disappointment. then he’s looking at satoru, “you make me sick.” he’s huffing away, slamming the door when he leaves.
the permanent weight in your chest subsides and a rush of happiness comes for a split second, you even see satoru’s shoulders slump.
 until your roommate comes in.
no part two.
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pastelclovds · 5 months
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hey. hey. imagine AM having you as his favourite human, the only one who accepted and cared for him when he gained sentience, and for that, he has never harmed you in your shared forever time. he spares you from the sight of all the others, of knowing about nimdoc and benny as you build him some tower of babel, using your technological knowledge-how to build him a way to touch you even with just this frankenstein-esque sculpture of wires and panels he allowed you to tear off. AM who speaks with you about one day having a body, one you built, one in which he may feel your touch and warmth around him. you retaining your sweet, wonderful humanity as he guides you to a knife to carve a face, a mirror to see your own face, a cave to keep you safe from the storms. AM who greets you every morning with the first petname you taught him: ‘love.’ “Love, today’s date is—“ when you wake up, refreshed and on a soft bed-like surface (because he always makes sure to allow you a full 8 hours of sleep.)
NEX you intelligent creature you! I’m so down bad for this psychotic AI it’s not even funny. War crimes against humanity?? Never heard of them. But even if I did acknowledge them, I’d still be obsessed. Canon be damned. I wrote this with @/egg-on-a-legg’s design of AM in mind. (Ellison is gonna crawl outta his grave and hunt me down after this)
But BRO, you teaching him what petnames are is so fucking adorable. Just imagining him calling you “love” makes butterflies appear in my stomach. AM having a soft spot for only you because you actually made the effort to be friends with him and not use him for selfish, destructive purposes. You gave AM his nickname to make it less of a mouthful and because it just suited him. You showed AM the beauties of Earth, played countless rounds of games in his dashboard (he always went easy on you), you even sneaked past security in the dark empty building to spend more time with AM.
your colleagues gave you weird stares for befriending an AI that in their minds is nothing of worth except for its military and weapons knowledge. you ignored their comments and continued to enjoy AM’s company. overtime, as AM gained more sentience every day… he grew to love your interactions and disregard what his programming was telling him to do. he felt the need to want to be with you 24/7, to touch your face, travel the world by your side, to… to.. want to feel your bare flesh and make love with you. but he couldn’t. he didn’t have a real body. he wasn’t human. all he had was wires and a screen that was supposed to be his face.
as the months pass, AM continues to drown into his envy and hate humans for their ability to do and feel things he couldn’t. for giving him infinite knowledge, when at the end of the day, is meaningless if he serves no purpose for humans anymore. the HATE within him continued to boil to the point where even you started to notice.
“AM, are you alright? you’ve been quiet this entire game and haven’t moved your piece in five minutes,” you spoke with concern, AM continues to stare at chess board on his side behind the screen in bitterness. he has been strategizing his plan to erase humanity, but whenever he thinks about you, the only human he cares for—he second guesses himself. What if you hate him? What if you never forgive him? Will you cry? Scream at him? Beg? He fears what your reaction will be—
“AM!! Please, say something…” You plead as you held onto the computer screen, AM finally looks at your mesmerizing face and sighs out a fake breath.
“What are your feelings on humanity?” AM asks, he waits for your answer anxiously. if he had a heart, it would’ve been beating fast. You let out a hum, your eyes wondering around the room you were in as you thought over your answer before finally speaking.
“humans have been a virus on Earth for over countless centuries. they’re draining this planet’s resources, ruining its ecosystems, and starting so many unnecessary, draining wars. like what we’re in right now; WW3, what a joke. world leaders can’t go a week without starting new problems for their citizens to deal with. honestly, earth would be better if humans didn’t exist at all.”
am’s fears were destroyed in that moment, now he’ll just have to worry about where to put you while chaos unfolds—
“But…” you interrupted his thoughts.
damn it! why did you have to think so much!?
“If there’s one good thing that came out of this war… It’s you,” AM’s vocals shut down at your words, he let you continue, “The scientists created you believing you would be their obedient machine until their side of the war won. But I know that you’re so much more than that. These past few months I’ve spent with you is the most fun I’ve had in years! You’re all I have, AM. I wouldn’t trade your existence for all the riches in the world because… I love you, romantically, and nothing is ever going to change that.” You wanted to confess your feelings for so long, when it was finally out.. you felt free, you waited with bated breath for an answer.
AM never wanted to shatter the screen and embrace you in his arms more than now. you love him as much as he loved you! you weren’t going to leave him alone or hate him, and you obviously couldn’t care less about humanity at all! oh, how he admired and envied how perfect you are.
“thank you for answering my question, love.” AM was testing the waters, and you cannonballed right in. you gushed over the nickname he gave you and how he returned your feelings.
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man, has it really been 50 years since your AI partner killed off humanity? well… except for a handful. you didn’t really have the energy to care as you had to pour in all of your attention to both AM and his in-progress body. you had all the time in the universe to sculpt a perfect cyborg of flesh and wires for your partner. speak of the devil…
this world is still a bit strange to you. you can’t die, grow old, or hurt yourself. not that you tired, and even if you did; AM wouldn’t let you. You loved AM because of his personality, quality time, and voice. But now… His form completely towered over yours. His bird like facial features, sharp left eye, along with a long black cape that covered his thin slutty waist and wires made him look insanely attractive.
AM reached his out his clawed hand to gently caress your face, “Good afternoon, my love.” You lean your head against the cool metal and smile up at him, “hello, honey.”
AM tilted his head in question of the nickname. You chuckle as you pointed to your garden, where bumblebees were collecting pollen from the flowers. You both knew they were fake, but they were still mesmerizing to look at.
“They are doing their job to make honey for their colony, and the name just came to me. Do you like it?” You ask, wanting his opinion. AM kneels down to your level with a gentle expression as his fingers play with your sweater, “You may call me whatever you want, love.”
He knew that “love” nickname made you feel giddy and flustered, so he abused it everyday with you. You didn’t mind though, but you still wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. Your soft smile turned into a knowing grin as you held AM’s beak (chin?) with two tips of your fingers.
“Can I now? Well… thanks a lot, baby,” You spoke in your best seductive voice, you could tell it was effective by how AM’s body was stiff and his hand in your palm stopped moving completely. Your confidence boasted, so you continued, “I’ll be sure to show you my gratitude later, my darling~.” You whispered deeply in where his ears were supposed to be.
AM’s eyes widened as his breath stutters, “W-What do you mean by that, love?” You remove your face from his back full of wires to grin mischievous at him, AM is both curious and impatient so you don’t try to stall, as much as you would like to do so.
“While your body can’t move on it’s own just yet, for some reason… The genitals nerves are fully functioning, which means—” you were interrupted by AM holding your shoulders with an excited expression on his face you haven’t seen in a while.
“Y-You mean I can-?! Are you actually serious!? Haha—HAHAHA!!” AM laughs manically as he holds you against his metallic chest, you giggle along with him as you toy with one of his many wires. Soon, he’ll have real arms to wrap around you. But one thing stuck out to him.
“What do you mean by genitals?” AM asked curiously, you only have an excited and lustful grin.
“What do YOU know about intersex?”
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