#and i hate that so much because passing by strangers makes me uncomfortable

[kachulein]

I'm proud of myself for being able to make it all the way home and wait until I was in my room to start sobbing🤧

[bakugoushotwife]

kinktober day four: voyeurism kink

>>> guys can you tell i have a choso fantasy or do i need to write another five thousand word fic to prove it i'm sobbing and actually in love with him fr. it took me days to write this bc i was just too feral.

>>> starring: choso kamo x curvy!fem!reader >>> cw: roommate choso, hung like a horse choso, virgin choso, voyeurism clearly, petnames, masturbation, cowgirl, implied multiple rounds, choso whimpers you're so welcome, choso smokes a blunt grow up >>> wc: 4.8k >>> event masterlist

this whole roommate ordeal seemed easy enough. you had a spare room in your condo, yuji had a spare brother that needed a place to stay after graduation. it worked out perfectly, as you weren’t too keen on having a rando move in. though the half-curse was little more than that, really. you had only come in contact with choso briefly, seeing him move through the halls of jujutsu tech in search of the very brother that recommended him to you. he was intimidating, tall and broad with a look of disinterest across his face every time you ran into him. yuji had told you that he wasn’t necessarily unfriendly, just unsure, so you were weary to approach him once he moved into the spare room. you didn’t want to overdo it, you would hate to make him uncomfortable with all these changes he was getting accustomed to. so for the first three months or so, you two would only exchange pleasantries and nod respectfully, two strangers sharing an address and lingering curious stares. then, one morning you offered to make him breakfast, and you two settled into a comfortable friendship after that. 

Nowadays, nearly a year later, the living area was actually used and shared. you watched recommended shows together, introduced each other to your favorite movies, and oftentimes just sat in each other’s presence on the couch; on your phones, playing nintendo switch games, or passing choso’s best attempt at a blunt between you while shit talking your neighbors with your legs in his lap. you even encouraged him to invest in a real gaming setup, where he plays a host of different games for hours while you sit contently in the bean bag chair stationed nearby in his room, reading or crafting or just watching from time to time. the more comfortable he became, the more fun he was to be around. he was no longer shy to ask you to sit with him while he plays or to inquire about your latest book and his smiles and conversations flowed more freely. 

he enjoys your presence. it’s easy to be around you. he wonders why. even with all the progress he had made with you, he was still terribly awkward around new people and his social battery was limited. he never got tired of hanging out with you though, in fact, he craves it always. yuji says that it’s because you’re pretty, which choso can’t disagree with, though his brother’s statement irritates him for no good reason. 

he finds himself wondering if his brother knows you the way he does, silly things about you like which animal crossing character you would reincarnate as or the fact you hate grape flavored anything—it all tastes like cough syrup!--he can hear you say. no, he gets to see the real you, the one you reserve just for him. so yuji can think you’re pretty all he wants, but he’s the one who gets to see your breathtaking smiles in reaction to something he said.

“bro?! still there–or are you too busy being jealous?” yuji snickers, relishing in the match he made. he knew choso would wake up with a babe like you walking around. 

“you’re a child. and a dick.” he huffs, aggravated by his spacey sibling’s acute sense of his feelings. “goodbye.” he taps to end their weekly gaming marathon facetime two hours short out of annoyance, confronted with the silence of his bedroom and his questioning thoughts about you. jealous? as much as he hated to admit it, maybe he was. he couldn't even picture the thought of you being with someone else, try as he might. did that mean he wanted to be that person? your person? he’s so confused, but he knows even if he’s embarrassed he can talk to you about it. you could help him work through his feelings and come to a solution. even if the feelings were about you, he knows you would always be honest with him. he sighs, deciding to make his way to your room down the hall. 

you two didn’t spend a lot of time apart now that the bond had been created, and you were more than alright with that routine, because on fridays, choso holed up in his room for five straight hours to facetime yuji and play video games giving you some much needed time to yourself. you always started with a long and intricate shower, doing all your different exfoliants and masks. then you’d touch up your nails and give yourself a total spa treatment, finishing up by putting on your cutest little panties and releasing some of the pent up sexual frustration for your roommate that you keep under lock and key for the same reasons you were hesitant to cross into friendship territory all those months ago: you don’t want to scare him away. 

so you settle for your own small hands cupping your chest and pinching at your nipples, trying to picture him. It’s choso’s large and veiny hands that run down your sides and spread your legs instead of your own toying with your underwear. you can smell the versace eros cologne he wears wafting through your nose, almost able to hear his gravelly voice in your ear praising you for doing so good. it’s almost embarrassing how easy it is to conjure the image of him sinking between your thighs, lust pooling in his violet eyes. you’re soaked already, feeling the fabric of your panties sticking to your cunt just at your active imagination. you peel them off, hissing as cold air blows across your middle, but your fingers quickly find the heat of your hole, gathering that natural lube to flick your clit with. your eyes are closed—whining helplessly already at the sensation you bring yourself with him in mind. it’s nowhere near the real deal, but the bliss is good enough to lull pants of his name from your mouth, body light as air.

choso doesn’t think anything of your closed door. you told him you keep it closed to let him have his space, not wanting him to feel like you’re watching or eavesdropping on him while he’s on the phone. especially as he got close enough to reach for your door handle, hearing you call his name. you sounded…strained? in all honesty he was worried. so he doesn’t hesitate to push the door open a bit, peeking to check. his heart drops into his stomach at the sight of you naked on your bed. you’re stunning. he’s seen pictures of other women—and yuji showed him a few websites—but your body was second to none. his hand flew to cover his immediate hard on, shocked you hadn’t noticed him yet. fuck, you are gorgeous, one hand squeezing at your breast, the other playing around in that squelching noise he hears between your legs. he fights the urge to moan aloud or announce his presence, and he’s ashamed of himself. he feels like he’s betraying your trust, but his dick keeps growing in his pants at the chants of his name spilling out of your lips. he watches as your legs jerk and your head falls back against your pillow, making him think you were almost done. he had to get out before you saw him or felt his unique energy so close to you. he’s panting as he shuts the door quietly, turning the knob just so it wouldn’t alert you. 

his dick hurts as he makes it just one room down—the bathroom. perfect. he turns the shower on immediately, stripping his clothes off like they were on fire. he had set out to talk to you, to be completely honest about the thoughts he had been having, but seeing you like that did things to him words could not. he’s been horny before, of course, and dealt with that the way single human men do. but this—the desire coursing through his veins—this was different. so different. everything was clear now, he needed you. he stands with his back under the water, whimpering as his dick throbs to the mental image of your glistening pussy and blissed out face. he can’t help but close his fist around the his wide shaft, stuttering out a sigh in relief. he strokes himself to the same rhythm you moved your fingers, imagining how that pace would feel with your wet and warm cunt hugging him in instead of the rough surface of his hand. his other hand keeps him braced on the shower wall, steadying him through the searing heat the promises of your touch seem to be; to think that you were calling for him, thinking of him in the way he thinks of you now felt like a dream. he had to be hearing things, that’s the only excuse the man can summon. water beads down his biceps and chest, and it just makes his dirty deed all that much more so, fucking into his fist until his load is running down the side of the tub, the pearly beads getting swept away in the water and carried down the drain. he tosses his head back in the shower stream, his long black strands sticking to his face and neck as he tries to rinse away his shame. 

that night, choso doesn’t come out of his room to watch a movie with you before bed. you pout, but try not to linger on it too long. maybe yuji took a lot out of him today, or they didn’t have a successful time on and he was moody. either way, you weren’t going to bother him. you hang out on the couch like usual with the hopes that he would emerge soon, but as your bedtime nears and everything remains still, you slink off to your room with a sour mood to end an otherwise normal day.

as the days pass, choso’s behavior gets weirder and weirder. it’s almost as if he’s completely reverted inside his shell he made when he moved in, only emerging to get food when he had hoped you weren’t around. the times in which he did inevitably run into you were dealt in nervous laughter and denials that anything was wrong with him. it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he was lying, hiding something from you even. you were slightly hurt that he didn’t trust you enough to talk to you, instead of going backwards and shutting you out. you wanted to wait it out, but as the days turned into a full week, you feared losing him altogether. 

you stewed over the situation the entire time you were at work. you couldn’t even get anything accomplished because you were too preoccupied wondering what you had done to wound your connection. spending your days alone was maddening. a little over a year ago, you would have relished in the peace and quiet, but now it was unwelcome. you only wanted quiet if it was filled with the subtle sounds of pages turning or the buttons of a controller smashing or shared breathing during the climax of a show. this was haunting, and you knew you had to do something. you left work early, faking a stomach ache in order to get home and corner choso into relenting. no more miss nice roommate. you were tired of letting him be all weird and distant. so you walked in unceremoniously, not necessarily out to scare him. you shake your sandals off by the door and walk towards his room, noting that his door was actually open for once. 

that was only because you weren’t supposed to be home for three and a half more hours, giving choso plenty of time to relive his dirty fantasies of you with the least amount of guilt possible, though he could barely look you in the eye these days. if you weren’t home, he could at least not worry about you catching him in his perverted acts, only dealing with the shame that flows in after he’s came for the millionth time to the image of your legs quivering and mouth parting in pleasure. he didn’t hear you sneak in–didn’t hear you shuffle down the hall to poke your head around the doorframe. he was dead to the outside world, his hips stuttering into his hand, thumb swiping the pre-cum that beaded there around his slit, stroking himself with whimpers of your name tumbling out, his eyes scrunched tight in concentration. 

your jaw was on the floor, never in a million years imagining that he even knew how to touch himself like that, not to mention the prayers of your name on his tongue, mirroring the ones you make for him on fridays. he was massive, it had you covering your mouth in shock. even with his huge hand, it seemed like pumping himself was a tall task. you couldn’t imagine trying to do it yourself, you’re not even sure two hands would do the trick— you must have gasped aloud or something, because suddenly his head snaps toward where you stand in the doorway. 

“y/n–you’re–” his dark eyes are wide, his lips parted in realization that you had really caught him jerking off and mewling your name like a helpless perv. as the guilt starts to creep in, the haze of need and desire clouds his mind. he never lets go of himself, all too aware of your lip between your teeth and your hardened nipples poking through your top—no, you shouldn’t be seeing this, you shouldn’t even be home yet! not to mention how ashamed you should be of your own roommate rutting into his hand.

“...i’m home.” you whisper back, a slight smirk creeping onto your face. despite the red blush spreading across his cheeks, he keeps fucking up into his hand. it’s salacious, and you can feel your body responding to the sight, unsurprisingly. you’ve been picturing him naked for months, and not even your lewd imagination gave him justice. every plane on his body was sculpted and defined, thick veins running down his arms and thighs and cock. he left his hair down, some of the strands tucked behind his ear, some of them hung over his brows and cheekbones. he gulped when he noticed your stare, your eyes locked on the thick cock in his hand, curved with an angry and needy tip. 

“y/n, i’m so so sorr–” he scrambles to sit up, the heavy reality finally sinking in. he was awful, sick in the head, you were going to have him pack his shit immediately, and he’d have to tell all his friends why you had gotten rid of him. 

“need some help?” you spit out, unable to tolerate the pounding in your chest and pussy. his eyes grow impossibly wider, blood rushing in his ears. did he understand you right? he couldn’t possibly. 

“wh-what?” he sputtered, sitting up slightly to try and hide himself from view a bit, as if you hadn’t seen every bit of him already. 

“i asked if you wanted my help. you were saying my name, weren’t you?” you tease gently, stepping further into his room, your hands innocently folded behind your back. now that you know your desire is shared, you felt confident enough to push your relationship further yet again. he nods hesitantly, watching you stalk over to the bed like a lioness about to pounce.

“i–yes, it’s not what you think. i know it looks–” 

“like you were jacking off and thinking about me? is that not…what you were doing?” you hum, pausing by the foot of his bed. you look so cute, he has to believe you know what you’re doing, folding your arms under your voluptuous chest just to taunt him a bit more. you have him backed into a corner, and he either had to admit the truth or come up with a very clever lie. and he is not a gifted liar. 

“i–yeah…” he looks away, feeling the shame weighing down on him now that you had confronted him with the undeniable truth. 

you chuckle warmly. “i do the same thing, ‘cept I’m thinking of you.” you shrug, the smirk growing on your face as realization seeps into his. he didn’t misunderstand you that day or even earlier in this conversation. you want him too. he swallows thickly again, remembering the day that started all of this. 

“i–i know, i saw you, last week.” he chokes out as you take your top off, revealing yourself to him. He’d noticed your lack of bra earlier, but didn’t expect to be blessed with the sight of your body again, especially as you bend at the hips to wiggle out of your pants. Your laughter surprises him again, like he had intentionally made a joke. but it was only because he had solved the mystery that led you to his room in the first place, and that would potentially resolve any secrets you had been keeping from one another. 

“so that’s why you’ve been avoiding me?” you scrunch your nose at him adorably as you crawl onto the bed, his eyes glued to the body that had him locked in his bedroom day and night. “oh choso, i wish you would have interrupted me…i surely woulda let you help me.” you purr, so close to him that he could reach out and touch you now, and he definitely thinks about just grabbing your hips and pulling you down on him, finally feeling that glistening pussy for himself—to hell with his imagination, but your voice interrupts his thoughts again. 

“so, do you want me to help you, baby?” you glance from the hard length in his hands to his deep purple eyes, swirling with something you recognize very well to be deep desire. 

“please–” he whimpered and let his hand fall away from his pelvis, looking to you like a pathetic boy getting his teenage dreams fulfilled. Your grin grows wide, and you lean closer to brush your hand across his toned abdomen. he lets out a pleased little grunt and his cock jumps at the simple touch

“you’ve never been with anyone, have you?” you asked, faces so close he can see every freckle and dimple and scar on your skin. he shakes his head. you peck the tip of his nose. he’s already shivering, the feeling of your body leaning over his was exhilarating. your kiss was so simple and sweet, but it stopped all the thoughts in his brain. he was just malleable now, ready to let you make him feel good, finally shifting from imagination to reality. “need you to talk to me, so i can know where you’re at, cho.” 

“no, no..never.” he shakes his head again, eying you with excitement and nerves all at once. he wants to touch you, and you’ve already stripped naked and kissed him, so surely there was no going back now, so he reaches up and places his hands on your hips—so light like he was afraid to hurt you. 

you grin at both his answer and his courageous touch, nodding your encouragement, “that’s fine, i’ll help you…just do what feels natural–you can go as hard as you want., and tell me if you want to stop.” your eyes blink at him sweet he realizes he would trust you with his life if you asked. 

“okay.” he lets your words wash over him, nodding as he grips your hips a little tighter. he’s more than embraced his fate, his mouth watering a bit at the idea that you were in his bed and offering to make all his fantasies come true. you were expecting him to keep that deer in a headlights look, but when you rake your fingernails across his chest, you watch his eyes darken a bit more. “kiss me?” 

choso looks so cute, you couldn’t deny him if you wanted to. his eyebrow raised with innocence, but his eyes shrouded in arousal. you giggle softly and lean up, sliding your hands over his pecs and shoulders and into those dark locks calling your name. you tug, and he gasps softly. you take that opportunity to cover his parted lips with your own, his head falling back to accommodate you as you fully crawl into his lap. he melts, you feel and taste so impossibly good he’s concerned he may bust over the kiss. your tongue moves so expertly against his, twirling around and sucking on the muscle in a way he didn’t know people employed. then you’re sitting on his abs, and he can feel so much at once. his eyes blow wide in the kiss, and he has to pull away to gasp again and see what you’re doing to him. 

you’re simply sitting, your pretty shining pussy rubbing against his core and his dick teasing the crack of your ass. that must be what’s driving him insane, the warmth and softness providing some but not enough friction. you wiggle your ass a bit to tease him, and he whimpers. the sound is so sweet and low you know you can’t handle playing with the shy little virgin much longer.

“i–is th–that sup’posed to f-feel that go–ngh, good?” he stammers, the hold on your hips bordering bruising. he doesn’t even realize, and you certainly don’t mind, so you only smile and nod down at him, reaching for his chin with your fingers. he makes you look so small without even trying, the broad expanse of his body, wide jaw and thick legs—not to mention the monstrous cock rocking against your behind, your own need soaking his happy trail to the skin beneath. you move his gaze from your sensual movements back to your sultry gaze. yuji was wrong. pretty was such a mild way to describe the woman on his lap. you were more a kin to a goddess, something not fully human like him. 

“i was hoping to give you the full treatment, but i don’t think you’ll mind if i skip to the main event?” you bite your lip, your other hand scraping at his scalp a little bit. no, of course he didn’t mind. sometimes you were so silly. he nods fervently, remembering that he needed to find his voice, to not seem like such a coward when he wanted this so badly. 

“no—please,” he whimpers again, feeling the drip of your liquid on him. it dawns on him then that you’re just as needy, and you still wanted him even though you’d have to teach him what to do. you didn’t seem worried, maybe it was easier than he thought. but all he knows is that his balls are starting to hurt and he had never felt more buzzed in his entire life, sensitive to every move you make. “i need you so bad, oh sh–” 

you scoot back, lifting yourself up a little to align him with your entrance. his whimpers and begs were so fucking amazing, you wish you had it in you to milk it. you make the mental note to keep him begging when you show him what it feels like to have his dick sucked or whimpering when he eats your cunt for the first time. he’s so heavy in your hand, and you can’t even close your fist around him. it makes you shudder, knowing that you’re going to make him fit inside you no matter the stretch. his tip was so red and irritated, oozing pre. you swiped it over his head, humming in amusement as he jerks and whines at the feeling. 

“you’re massive, d’you know that?” you pout, sinking down a few inches. he moans at first, feeling like his cock was fit into a perfect sleeve. it’s unreal, the heat he feels in his gut as you rock further down on him, whining at how huge he was. he watches the pained faces you make halfway down, the concern clear on his face. he didn’t know he was that big—he hadn’t really been comparing, but if it was hurting you, he wondered what he could do. he remembers watching you play with that sensitive spot at the apex of your thighs, using your own slick to glide around. he thinks he could replicate that, so he sticks his fingers in his mouth, spitting a bit to make sure they were just as wet as you were. you take more of him, almost to his base all while panting and bracing yourself on his chest with your eyes screwed shut. he reaches toward you, swiping his fingers around the place he watched you toy with. you gasp out and sit all the way down, the noises you make as he touches you make his eyes widen again. 

“god—i’m so full, baby.” you nod, your hips moving forward automatically, searching for more of that searing feeling he brings to your clit. he surprises you, moving his digits in slow circles as you get accustomed to his size. he chokes slightly when you squeeze him, his eyes zeroed in on your face. 

“are you alright?” he asks softly, feeling your nails dig into his chest as your hips move faster now, any other words he had wanted to say sucked from his brain like he had no thoughts at all, nothing other than that vice-grip of a pussy you have locked around him, bouncing softly and leaving little half-moons in his skin. 

“mhm, just had to stretch a bit t’fit you, are you alright?” you grin as you ask, knowing he would struggle to respond—in the best way possible. he nods eagerly, eyes flickering from where you swallow him up to your soft face of bliss. 

“are you kidding? i’m—” you rock on him a bit faster, the feeling of wet and choking walls rubbing every possible spot had him sputtering, unable to speak. he’s only able to watch you run a hand through your mane, keeping it out of your face and away from your bouncing tits. he’s in heaven. being with a woman, no, being with you, was as all the eternal bliss he cared to know. 

his hips start to move, the hold he has on your hips trailing up to the curves of your waist to better hold you down. he didn’t realize how much more intense he would make this feel for the both of you, grunts and whines spilling from his lips as you begin to cry out and yell. it’s heavenly, the way you let him drive into you, leaning forward with one hand on the headboard and the other tugging his head towards your chest. he contains his pathetic pants by sucking your nipple in his mouth, laving his tongue over it, mind so drunk and hazy he can only be driven by his primal instincts, flat footed on the bed to plow into you from below. 

it’s so perfect. you scream his name way better than he ever imagined, and he doesn’t mind to bear the scratch marks of your passion. you keep squeezing around him, and it drives him crazy. 

“i–i love when you do that—clenching down on me like that, fuck.” He grunts, slowly getting his knees under him while you sloppily keep the pace. he uses the leverage to ease you to your back, though you don’t have the luxury of pillows or a headboard, only the mattress beneath you as choso realizes this positioning lets him piston his hips without you having to do any work at all. you’re wailing, nodding to keep him from worrying about you as you continuously claw at his back and shoulders. 

“choso baby—” you whine in such a way, he knows he’s going to bust in seconds. “you’re gonna make me cum, please–doin’ so good, ngh—ack!” you cry, legs tightening around his waist as he feels a significant increase of your fluids. feeling and watching you cum by his doing was the nail in the coffin—the way your face screwed up in pure pleasure brought him his own, his pelvis stilling against the mounds of your backside, cock twitching against your womb before your vision is blurry, and all you feel is warmth seeping out of you. his load leaked out around him inside you, his cock still pulsating with no signs of dying down. 

he smiles at you a little shyly, his cheeks rosy and eyes hazy with the aftershocks of such a gripping orgasm. he watches your chest heave as you calm down, your eyes fluttering open and a smile spreading across your face as you look up at him. 

“what do i do now? to take care of you?” he asks, absentmindedly stroking the creases where your thighs meet your hips. you giggle and shake your head, knowing it would take multiple rounds for his erection to die down. 

“i show you the full treatment now, baby.” you grin, wiggling your eyebrows. 

choso found himself immersed in exploring himself and your body, discovering several new kinks to enjoy with his sweet little roommate turned lover.

[gemini-stories]

remember me (2) | j.wy x reader

synopsis: the years may have passed but he always remembered you. even when you didn't. pairing: wooyoung x fem!reader genre: idol!AU, friends to strangers to partners to lovers (?), smut (minors do not interact!!) warnings: idol wooyoung, idol reader, smut, swearing, a tad bit of angst, mutual pining, oh.oh (I really wanted to use this trope in this story!), unprotected vaginal penetration (bad irl!!), mirrors (iykik), reader is bitchy, wooyoung finally stands up for himself (and the end makes him happy:D), miscommunication (I hate this but I swear there's a reason for it). nothing too dirty but if I miss anything pls let me know! word count: 5.1k ish a/n: when I first got the idea for this I thought I knew exactly where it was going. I was so wrong:)) the story kinda wrote itself in the end. I wanted to apologise for the miscommunication trope but it was so necessary for the development of both reader's and wy's development (don't hate me too much, it was all good in the end:D). as usual I’m open to any feedback and criticism so don’t be shy to let me know!! ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡ previous part ─────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────

“You did what?” Hajun started laughing.

“You heard me the first time,” you rolled your eyes, reaching for the takeout Hajun brought to you half an hour ago, when you called him for an embarrassing emergency.

“Obviously I did. But I wanted you to say again how you sat on the pretty boy’s face.”

You couldn’t say the whole situation happened out of nowhere. You couldn’t deny the tension between you only got stronger since the stupid sexy dance.

You expected Wooyoung to mention your little very hot interaction. But he didn’t! He was acting as if nothing happened, back to being the sloppy, careless, unreliable, and spineless self.

And that pissed you off even more. Was he ever going to mention anything? How long were you going to wait? You gave him plenty of opportunities! Right? You were the one that went to him first. And what did he do? Pretend you never met, never existed. Unimpressed. Careless. 

Sloppy. Unreliable. 

And spineless. 

“All I’m saying is, you two seemed to enjoy each other. So I see nothing wrong about it,” Hajun continued slurping from his drink.

“It’s more complicated than that.”

“Dude, what complications?” he asked skeptically.

“I can give you about a gazillion..dude.”

“If it’s about our eternal love, I can take my pity ass and my heartbroken heart and disappear in the sunset,” he wiped a fake tear from his right eye. To which you could only reply by laughing.

“No, but I’m serious, you know our arrangement was never something that should be complicated and could be ended whenever it wasn’t useful for any of us.”

“I know,” you sighed, “and trust me this has nothing to do with it. I swear.”

“Then? What’s the problem?”

Then? What’s the problem? You. You were the problem. And your lack of sincerity. 

And Wooyoung’s.

But, oh well, two could play this game. If he was not going to say anything, why would you. You continued your practice like before. Him messing up, as usual. And you bitching about it with snarky remarks, as usual. Him never replying back, as usual. And you getting more pissed because of it, as usual.

You tried to ignore the feeling of his touch, and the electricity it was sending to your body each time. Thinking about dead unicorns should help.

His hands glided over your thighs, ripping your skin with them, leaving you open and raw, falling into his arms. Finally, this dance move was a success, at the price of you being skinned alive. You looked into his eyes. Really looked. And could only silently beg him to look back into yours. Really look. 

“Are you ok?” Hongjoong asked. You were almost finalising your studio session of the day and to say that you were distracted was not enough. You were not your talkative opinionated self and that was making Hongoong slightly uncomfortable. He felt you staring at the screens over his shoulder the whole time, without you making any remarks to the changes he was making to the song segments. It was too weird for him. He had to ask. It was your decision if you were going to be honest or not.

“Why did you propose for Wooyoung to be my partner when I told you I was looking for one?” you asked absentmindedly. 

“Did he do something?” he turned to face you. “Did he say something? What did he do?”

You kinda mentally chuckled at the thought of Wooyoung misbehaving so much that this was Hongjoong’s first thought, that he did something. Not that he was wrong though. He did more than something. He said more than something too…focus. Dead unicorns.

“Nothing, nothing. I was just curious.” You nudged.

“Oh, okay. Well, he is the best dancer I know. So, I thought it would be a great solution for you and a great opportunity for him, for a great collaboration with the second best dancer I know,” he smiled.

“How dare you?” you gasped, pretending to be offended. “At least tell me I’m the best singer you produced a song for. So I can forgive this audacity!”

To which Hongjoong remained silent and continued to smile, returning to his work. 

“Rude,” you scoffed.

If only Wooyoung could live up to Hongjoong’s title. You knew he was great. Amazing even. You were an Ateez fan after all. You knew what he was capable of. You watched all his performances. So why was he not giving his best with you too. 

You two had another video call with the choreographer, after your latest dance video submission. He was disappointed and he was trying really hard to hide it. 

“Wooyoung, I watched some of your videos man, and what I see now doesn’t seem like you.”

Exactly what you were thinking!

“And you Y/N, we worked together for years. I know you. This doesn’t seem like you either,” he sighed. “The second choreography was meant to strengthen your chemistry, not make it worse. Please, try it again for a couple of days and then go back to your routine. Accept each other’s movements.”

How could you go back to the second, hot and dangerous choreography. You both silently agreed to not mention it again. Dead unicorns, right?

You were stiff.

He was flustered.

This was never going to work out.

“What is this?” you asked reaching for the small pink box from the bench where you’d usually leave your bag at the beginning of the practice.

“I, I wanted to apologise,” Wooyoung started with a shy smile, “for everything. Everything.”

You opened the box to find a dozen bunny shaped biscuits, topped with white icing. The asshole.

“No thanks, I don’t eat sugar.”

The room turned a couple degrees colder. You politely closed the box and put it back on the bench, starting your morning practice.

Nothing was working how you wanted. For the first time in weeks it was you making stupid mistakes. Wooyoung was doing god’s work trying not to start laughing at every mistake. The fact that he was aware of your mistakes was making you even more self-conscious and you hated feeling that. You knew exactly when was the last time you felt like that and you swore to yourself to never feel like that again. But here you were now. In this situation. And there was only one asshole to blame. 

“Did you really think that apology was going to work?” You couldn’t keep it in you anymore and asked staring into his eyes, when he was on top of you.

“What?” He stopped in the middle of his step.

“The stupid biscuits, what were you thinking?”

“I thought it would be a nice gesture. How should I know you don’t eat sugar?”

You groaned loudly, continuing your steps.

“It’s not even about the sugar.”

Wooyoung was so confused. You were always weirdly cryptic in a mad way, but this time it was…weird in a weird way. Most of the times you were annoyed by things he was not doing, and this was a first - being annoyed by something he did do?

He was surprised you never mentioned the incident. He didn’t want to be too greedy so he didn’t do it first.  He could swear something possessed him that day. He was so…cheeky that day. Was he cheeky with his partners before? Sure. Would he have done something like this with someone else? Of course! 

How did he do it with you? He couldn’t comprehend. He was never cheeky with you. For god’s sake he couldn’t even argue with you when you kept bitching during practice. 

So what on earth went through his mind? 

The same nasty thoughts he always had when he thinks of you. The same nasty thoughts he always had when you were in a five meter radius from him.

The same nasty thoughts he always had when he touched you.

He blushed the whole way home that day. He blushed while getting ready for bed. He blushed while taking a shower. He blushed while drawing stupid hearts on the shower glass. He blushed while taking a picture. He blushed while thinking of you when writing the caption. He blushed when he saw you liked the post. 

He was so far gone.

All the possible conversation scenarios went through his mind that night and he was ready to have any sort of uncomfortable talk with you. But you acted like nothing happened and didn’t say anything. So he didn’t either.

He thought about apologizing. For everything. And what better way than with something sweet. Two things that were always recurrent on your old instagram were bunnies and desserts. So he thought, what could go wrong with some bunny biscuits. Right? 

Apparently many things because you were mad about it. For some reason Wooyoung couldn’t understand. It was a different type of mad from the one you constantly showed in the past weeks. It was more of a sulky mad, which Wooyoung actually found adorable. 

But nevertheless you were mad. And that never helped your dance practices before, it wasn’t going to help now either.

It was most certainly not helping you while getting flustered during the dance.

You mentally refused to call for Hajun in the past days, especially for your quick breaks during the day. You really wanted to, but you couldn’t. A different person was flying through your thoughts when you were thinking about it. Your arrangement with Hajun was nice and convenient but you’d never fuck him while thinking of someone else. You were not like that. 

So you were left just with your thoughts.

And the memory of that day.

How hot and electrifying it was. How hot and electrifying he was. Nope. Dead unicorns!

“Is your dance practice going well?” Hongjoong questioned Wooyoung after just arriving at the studio with a bag of take out that Hongjoong asked for.

“Amazing.” Wooyoung breathed, paying attention to the food packages, looking for something he could nibble on. “Why?”

“Y/N cancelled our session today saying she wants to focus on the dance as there’s ‘some setbacks that she couldn’t foresee’”, he emphasized with air quotes and squinting his eyes. “What did you do?”

Wooyoung scoffed. “Why do you think I did something? We weren’t supposed to practice today and I have no clue what these ‘setbacks’ are about. Maybe she didn’t want to see you today and lied about it. Did you think about that?” he giggled while stealing some fries from Hongjoong’s plate.

“Y/N wouldn’t lie.” Hongjoong stated matter of factly, as if he stated the sky is blue.

He was honest about it as he was honest about the image he had of you - sincere, hardworking, professional and sweet and caring and, and definitely not a liar that avoids a day of work.

Wooyoung rolled his eyes. Of course she wouldn’t. 

Okay, maybe indeed you wouldn’t lie. Break promises? Forget about them? Stamp on them? All plausible events.

“You know what I don’t get?” Hongjoong continued opening his sauce.

“I have a really long list. With what do you want me to start?” 

“You think you’re smart, dumbass?”

“I do, in fact.” Wooyoung smiled proudly.

“Nevermind then.” Hongjoong hated how Wooyoung wasn’t serious about this conversation. He wasn’t serious from the beginning and Hongjoong thought it was just a caprice. One that continued for longer than he expected. The reason why he really wanted to understand what this was all about.

“Come on, don’t start sulking like a bitch and tell me!”

“I know you are a stupid fanboy in, what you think is a secret, but when you talk about her you sound like you hate her. What’s up with it, it’s weird dude.”

From all the item’s on Wooyoung’s list, this was not one. Did he really make it sound like he hates you? Was he stupid? He didn’t want the others to know that he admires you so much so they wouldn’t tease him about it, but he didn’t want the opposite either…from the outside perspective it looks like he hates you?

“I don’t hate her. I could never hate her.'' He was looking anywhere but at Hongjoong, not being able to face him, now embarrassed by himself. 

“I know that. But if you act with her like how you talk to me about her, I have bad news for you.”

“It’s…complicated.”

“Complicated for who? You? Then uncomplicate it.” Hongjoong sighed. “We can’t afford not having great results out of this collaboration. It’s not only good for you or for me. It’s good for all of us. Don’t. Fuck. It. Up.”

Is he fucking it up?

He scrolled through his camera roll until he found the picture he was looking for. A picture of the red velvet cake he bought a few days ago as a nice gesture for the team. The cake was cut in eight even slices, with one slice missing, that he ate by himself because he was too impatient to wait for everyone to be back home and eat it together. Maybe he was always a little bit too impatient and expected too much from others.

He edited the picture, putting a filter over it, that would fit the rest of his feed and posted it on his secret account with the caption: ‘I bleed on the plate in front of you and you sip my blood even though you are not thirsty.’

You sighed looking at the picture and reading the caption and put your phone aside. You were alone in the dance room, trying to take your mind from anything else but dancing. You had to admit, Wooyoung was not the only one making mistakes. You had to focus and get it done with it!

The last time you felt so incompetent while dancing was in your first year you took lessons. You were maybe five or six. You didn’t understand much, thinking that dancing is just vibing with the music. You cried at your first competition after making a mistake on stage, making you feel not good enough. You promised yourself then and there to never feel like that again. And you never did again. 

You were startled when the door opened and Wooyoung entered, holding a small pink box.

“We were supposed to have the day off from practice today. What are you doing here?”

“That’s what I should ask you,” he smiled a sweet smile. “I wanted to bring you some of this, I swear they have no sugar,” he passed you the small box that you opened and saw the same bunny shapes. It was crackers this time, no sugar. “It’s from this bakery that I really like and I swear it’s really nice.”

You scoffed, closing your eyes and clenching your jaw. “Why are you doing this?”

“I thought it would be nice.”

You pushed the box back to him and looked up straight into his eyes. “Why the fucking bunnies?’

“I thought you’d like them.”

“Why? Why would you think I’d like them?”

Please, for once, say it.

“Because they are cute?”

“For fuck’s sake Wooyoung,” you turned your back to him, pretending to go back to your practice. “Forget about it.”

For once, when Wooyoung got annoyed he did talk back to you. He wanted to just leave. If you didn’t want his gift he wasn’t going to insist. But you had to go and run your mouth and touch his most sensitive nerve. Too bad. “That might be something that you can easily do. But I don’t!”

Were you hearing right? He talked back! Finally. Too bad he also had the audacity. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“I never forget anything important to me,” he continued.

“Oh, sure you don’t forget anything,” you interrupted, mocking him.

“But it seems forgetting comes effortlessly for you. Since you probably don’t care about it, it doesn’t matter and it easily disappears from your mind, no?”

“I came to you!” you stopped his rambling. “And you forgot me! You forgot our promise! You forgot to fulfill it! I gave you so many chances and each time you acted as if you forgot everything. Even this stupid fucking choreography. I wanted to do it with you from the beginning. But then you acted like you never cared about it? You were late, you were not putting in effort, you were not even defending yourself.”

And it was out. You kept it in you for so long. It was bound to happen. Was it sort of kind of the reason why everything wrong that he was doing was making you so bitchy? Definitely yes. And now it was sort of kind of out in the open. You could finally confront him about him being the bad guy in your story.

“You, you knew all this time?”

He wasn’t sure he heard right. You knew. It wasn’t just him. But you too.

“I knew what? That we made a stupid promise that you never kept when we were ten? That we met again four years later and I came to you and you acted like you had no idea who I was? That the next year was the same? Even worse? That we were working in the same fucking industry but you never once remembered? Then, yes, yes I knew about all this.”

It was never a stupid promise. Never for him. Thanks to it he actually continued his dance lessons as a child. He ended up winning so many competitions. The scouts from the company noticed him. He debuted. He is here today, with you, preparing for the end of the year awards. He was always grateful for it, even when he thought you didn’t remember. It was never a stupid promise. 

“I never forgot. I knew it was you!”

He was unbelievable. 

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” you threw your hand in the air, in a sign of desperation. 

“I was embarrassed, okay?” Wooyoung fidgeted in place. It was the first time he was going to admit this out loud. Not even in his thoughts did he ever admit it. “Because I wasn’t able to keep the promise and win, I felt like a failure.” Indeed, he never fulfilled his side of the promise. He did win the competition, but he didn’t “snatch” the first place from you. You were not there. And that was the only reason he was able to win. Which was proved years later when you two were competing against each other and you effortlessly won. He never got first place with you there.  

“This is so dumb. I only made that promise with you because I thought you were sweet and cute,” you blushed, “and I didn't want you to abandon dancing, and I wanted to see you again the next year!”

“But you moved away.” He stopped your train of thoughts. As if he found the flaw in your story. It was 100% not only his fault here. 

“But I moved away. And I was still hoping you’d win the stupid competitions so we’d meet at regionals!” Fair excuse. In fact, it was not your fault that you moved. You were too young and you were going where your parents were going.

“But then you acted like you didn’t know me there.” See? Another flaw in your story.

“I wanted to see if you remembered me! And it was obvious to me you didn’t!” Which seemed perfectly reasonable to your fourteen year old brain. Now? Not as much. But back then you could swear this was the most romantic thing you could think of - testing to see if he’d remember. Almost like testing the power of destiny. 

“I wanted to see if you remembered me! I didn’t want to embarrass myself even more, hanging on to a promise from years ago.” Valid. Very valid. Extremely valid. Both to his fourteen year old self and the present self.

“Oh my god?” you groaned. “Not even when I made this whole elaborated plan to have you as my dance partner couldn’t you tell? It took me months to think of something.” 

“You did say your favourite was Hongjoong though. That reinforced to me that you didn’t remember me in fact.”

You groaned. After you debuted you gave up on seeing Wooyoung again. He remained a bittersweet memory in your mind, thinking of him constantly. Wondering what he was up to. Then he debuted as well. The universe was really giving you another chance.

Now, you only had to find a way to be together and see if maybe maybe he could remember you. Which was obviously not easy. Be it award shows, or music shows, it was never the right moment or the right time.

Then an interesting thought crept into your mind. You were going to work on your solo album and have an important  dance segment. You could definitely have a collaboration of some sorts with him. But how were you going to ask for it without it being too suspicious. 

You never lied by saying you wanted to have a song produced by Hongjoong! It was just such a wonderful result of how your plan was going to work. 

“I was giving you signs too!” Wooyoung complained. 

“What?” you got closer to him. “The bunnies?” you raised your chin to face him. “The pictures with cryptic verses?” you squinted your eyes.

“What pictures with cryptic verse?”

There was no way you knew about it. You couldn’t. How could you?

“Don’t act dumb now. I know all about your secret account. And I know you know I know. I even followed you!”

Wooyoung was panicking. “How did you know it was mine?”

“Oh please, the profile picture is your hand as a pinky promise,” you started, “and some things you were writing were fitting with things you were doing.” you felt your cheeks burn just a little bit.

“Like what?” maybe you were bluffing, or simply testing him, as it seems you were testing him constantly. Nevertheless, he was curious what gave him away. It couldn’t have been just the profile pictures. 

“You know…things.”

“I actually don’t,” he looked down at you through hooded eyes, suspicious. You were fucking bluffing!

You avoided his glare, looking away when you finally said with a small voice, “The shower heart convinced me it was you.”

Oh. Oh.

So it was like that. The unspeakable.

“See, that’s another event you were acting like it never happened and you never mentioned it.”

“You never mentioned it either,” you opened your eyes accusingly. 

“Why do you keep waiting for me to do things first?” he closed the distance between your faces, breathing you in. “What was I supposed to say? Can you sit on my face again? Would you allow me the privilege to eat you out again?”

“I didn’t… I never…You…could’ve…” you swallowed your words because anyways you didn’t know what you wanted to say.

Wooyoung chuckled at your loss of words, couldn’t believe you were not having a comeback. It was fairly easy to do and he scolded himself for not doing it earlier, as you were too cute squirming there not uttering a word back to him.

“Cat got your tongue, huh?” he smirked, eyeing your lips. He wanted to test this limit of yours. 

“Don’t be an asshole.” And…you were back to your bitchy defensive self.

“Oh, I’m the asshole? Don’t act like I’m the bad guy now.”

“No. I don’t act anything. Yes, you are the bad guy in my story. So what, I am probably the bad guy in your story. You know we are all bad guys in someone’s story.” You could ramble on and on, deflecting the attention from you to whatever you were trying to say.

Wooyoung cupped your cheek bringing back your attention to him. “Can you just… shut the fuck up for once and let me kiss you.”

He pressed his lips on yours, shyly nibbling at your lower lip. He deepened the kiss, lowering his hand on the side of your neck. You smiled against his lips and shortly giggled.

“What’s so funny?” Wooyoung furrowed his brows. 

“You are acting differently.” You started playing with the zipper of his hoodie, unsure if you should say this. “One day you don’t even look me in the eyes and then the next you tell me to shut up and you do this?” 

Wooyoung’s lips curled into a sheepish smile.

“You mean this?” And kissed you again, deeper and sloppier. “You just got me acting up.”

It was so easy for you to get lost into the kiss, feeling it like a warm embrace in your whole body. 

“I think I might like you more when you actually talk back,” you said in between kisses, trying to gasp for air.

He continued a trail of kisses on your neck, which you found extremely dangerous.

“Maybe we should practice the choreography,” you whispered.

“I thought we were not supposed to practice today,” he breathed on your skin.

“Well since you came all the way here, we shouldn’t waste any time, right? Time is ticking and we should send a new recording.”

You felt his other hand caressing your waist. You really wished you weren’t wearing a sweater. He stopped his sweet sweet kisses and looked at you.

“I think I might like you more when you shut up,” he grinned a shit-eating grin.

“Smartass.”

You did say you liked him more when he was talking back and that was exactly what he was doing.

He didn’t remove his hand from you, one still resting on the small of your back and one still kneading your neck. He was waiting for your next move. If you really wanted to practice, that’s what he was going to do. If not, he also had other ideas.

“Fuck it,” you sighed, reaching for his lips. 

You kissed him exactly how you wanted to kiss him the day he entered through the door of your practice room, hungrily and passionatly. 

Wooyoung’s hands found their way under your sweater, gliding on your bare back for the first time and sending shivers through your body.

“Tell me to stop,” he gasped.

“Please don’t stop,” you breathed.

That was the moment the flip switched in his brain. You chose the section option. To hell with the dance practice.

He guided you to the nearest wall, where you could finally rest against something. You could swear your knees were going to fail on you. 

You quickly unzipped his hoodie and peeled it off him smoothly. He wasted no time and took off his shirt in a swift motion. You trailed the lines of his chest with your fingers, leaving the ghost of your touch burning up his skin.

“One from me, one from you,” he tugged at the hem of your sweater. You raised your arms letting him take it off for you. You wanted to see him work for it. He removed your white top without warning, leaving you half naked.

“That was actually two from me,” you chuckled.

He was kissing the top of your breasts. Licking and delicately biting your soft spots.

“How beautiful,” he whispered against your skin.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, completely leaning between the wall and him and his kisses. You could feel him through your thin leggings and you loved that you had this effect on him. You couldn’t help but slowly move your hips. Yup, you were hot and bothered. How could you not, when you were showered in his sweet kisses.

His hand traveled lower, under your leggings. 

“You do have a habit of not wearing underwear, huh?”

You felt your cheeks turning red. Yes, that was a habit you could say. A habit that you were so going to continue practicing from now on.

You unhooked your legs, allowing him to take off your leggings. He took his sweet time pulling them down, and then slowly kissing your leg up to your thigh, ending up with a sloppy kiss on top of your pussy.

He was in the middle of unzipping his pants when he stopped. “Fuck, I don’t have a condom.”

“That’s literally the last thing i care about right now,” you scoffed and unzipped his pants yourself.

Wooyoung gleamead and kissed your forehead tenderlly. “You are so perfect.”

You raised your right leg, to make space for him. He took out his cock, aligning himself at your entrance, slowly pushing himself inside you. 

Your hips were moving by themselves, you wanted him deeper and deeper. Closer and closer. All of him.

He grabbed your other leg too, hooking them both behind his back. You were wrapped around him, locking him in place. There was no other place he’d rather be except between your legs.

You were softly moaning in his ear and he could swear this was what heaven sounded like. 

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, increasing his pace, “this feels better than I ever imagined.”

Your lips pursed in a devilish smile, “You imagined this?”

“And so many other things.”

You could not get enough of him. Your eyes were rolling back in pleasure and you were struggling to keep them open and focus on the opposite wall’s mirrors. You could see Woyoung’s back reflecting in the mirrors, his back muscles flexing with every little thrust. You just wanted to have a bite of it. Too delicious to resist. You rested your head on his shoulder, kissing and grazing it with your teeth. That should do. For now.

Wooyoung grabbed your ass cheeks, squeezing them, trying to pull you closer. You were feeling your orgasm, almost there, ready to make you explode and see fireworks.

“So good.” 

“So beautiful.”

“So perfect.”

His praises were what sent you over the edge, riding through your high. For which he was thanking all the gods as he was ready to cum the moment he first kissed you. 

He quickly pulled out as he felt he was going to cum and finished on your stomach. You looked down to your stomach, that was now wet and sticky.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get to ask. And I didn’t want to finish inside without asking.” He was breathing hecticly, recovering from his high.

You touched your stomach, your legs still hooked around him. You traced your fingers through his mess and brought them close to your lips, licking them clean, while keeping eye contact with him.

“You are killing me.” He said, looking up at the ceiling, trying to contain himself.

But oh his neck looked so beautiful.

And you definitely weren’t able to contain yourself, so you started kissing it.

“You’ll make me hard again,” he chuckled. 

“And?” You smiled against his skin. “Didn’t you say you imagined more things? Show me what you had in mind.” | © 2024 gemini-stories All Rights Reserved.

[sailortongue]

Prom?

pairing: eddie munson x reader

summary: you ask your boyfriend to be your date to the prom, but he turns you down. angst to fluff

wc: 3.4k

a/n: the chokehold this man has on me is unreal

stranger things masterlist

——————

“Prom?” Eddie repeated back to you, bewildered and borderline offended by the mere suggestion. “You’re asking me to prom?”

You nodded, playing with your hands and avoiding eye contact. You knew this was a mistake. After spending so much time listening to his rants about conformity and “the dark side,” you should have known he wouldn’t be interested. 

“Sorry, Yn, but it’s really just not my scene. Wouldn’t you rather go on a regular date like we usually do?” he asked apologetically, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably. He hated that he was the one to put such a dejected look on your pretty face, but he’d rather do almost anything else than go to a stupid school dance, even if it was with his girlfriend. Eddie swore his heart cracked when you only responded with a simple no, leaving him standing in the school parking lot by himself. You had been so hopeful that he would say yes. It was your senior prom and you wanted to go with your boyfriend. You hadn’t gone junior year, so this was your last chance to have this high school experience. 

You didn’t sit at the table the next day at lunch. Or the next. Or the next. You were actively avoiding Eddie, and the more you avoided him, the more his heart cracked. His eccentric personality was becoming more subdued with each passing day. It hurt to see him like that from across the cafeteria, but frankly you were hurt and slightly embarrassed at being rejected by your own boyfriend.

Not knowing what to do about his relationship problems, Eddie consulted Hellfire.

“Dude, you obviously hurt her feelings. Would it really be that bad to take her to prom? I mean c’mon, don’t you want to see your ‘sweetheart’ all dolled up just for you?” said Dustin, the rest of the guys nodding in agreement.

Eddie sighed, “If I showed up to prom, I’d make a hypocrite of myself. I love her, but…” He trailed off.

“But what?” You interrupted from behind him. You had decided to rejoin the boys at their table, intending to ask Eddie if you could talk privately. You wanted to apologize for the past few days. A silly school dance wasn’t worth your relationship.

Eddie stared up at you from his seat, wide-eyed, trying desperately to form the words that would stop the tears in your eyes from falling, but nothing but stuttering came out. With every fresh tear from your eyes, the cracks in Eddie’s heart deepened until it finally shattered at what you said next.

“If you have doubts about how you feel about me, then maybe we shouldn’t be together.” Your words came out in a whisper, as if it would lessen the blow. You hadn’t said it in a fit of anger, hadn’t said it to be malicious, you had actually meant it. Eddie was going into a tailspin. You broke up with him. The most precious person in his life was walking out the cafeteria doors, out of his life, and for what? Because his pride got in the way? Because he couldn’t give his girl one night? His club members were talking to him, but it was all just background noise to Eddie.

Mike snapped his fingers in Eddie’s face, “Dude! What are you doing?! Go after her!” That was all it took to spring Eddie into action. You were the best thing in his life and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t at least try to fix this.

He jumped out of his chair, nearly tripping over his own feet in his rush through the cafeteria. You were nowhere to be found. In a last ditch effort to find you, Eddie ran to the parking lot. He’d gotten there just in time. Just in time to see you pull out onto the road, that is.

From that point forward, all Eddie saw of you was brief glimpses in the hallways and fleeting looks in the cafeteria. 

Soon enough, the dreaded week of prom arrived.

Eddie was staring at you across the lunchroom again, lost in his own pity, when Dustin slammed his hands down on the Hellfire Club’s self proclaimed table. “Dude!! You have to make things right with Yn right now. Your campaigns SUCK lately, and you look like a kicked puppy. Just talk to her, Munson.” 

Eddie sighed and put his head in his hands. “She won’t even talk to me, Henderson. I don’t know what you want me to do.” Before the younger boy could respond, a crash sounded throughout the cafeteria. Everyone looked towards the noise, and the cause of it, which happened to be Robin Buckley hurriedly fixing the trash can she had stumbled over moments prior. 

“Uh- sorry everyone, um- proceed!” She quickly turned and exited the cafeteria, wide eyed with a hand over her mouth. 

“Yn might not talk, but I know someone that will tell you everything you need to know.” Confused, Eddie lifted his head and followed his friend's gaze. “Huh?”

 The next day, in between 3rd and 4th period, Robin found herself cornered by the smallest, most determined-looking freshman she’d ever seen.“Uh, can I help you?”

“That depends.” The boy squinted at her, scrutinizing. 

“On.. what, exactly?”  She shifted anxiously under the curly-haired boy's glare.

Without answering her question, he continued. “Come to the science hall during lunch.” With that, he promptly turned on his heel and hurried away. 

“I’m not doing that.” Robin uttered under her breath. 

Robin did, in fact, do that. Call it a morbid curiosity.

When she arrived, Dustin was already there, checking his watch and tapping his foot as if he was an angry parent. “Seriously, could you have taken any longer? Lunch is almost over!.”  

“Sorry baby-man. Gotta eat.” The boy rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Whatever, Eddie should be here in a second.” 

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear. What’s all this, Henderson?” Before the boy in question could respond, Robin interrupted. “Woah woah woah hold on a second this is bad- I can’t talk to you, Munson.”  Eddie furrowed his brows disbelievingly. “Why? We literally went to middle school together. Are you seriously still mad about the time I cut off your ponytail? I was 12! And it looks super metal short-“ Robin waved her hand in the air, cutting him off. 

“No, dingus! I can’t talk to you because Yn is still super upset with you and now you’re all broken up and stuff! Girl code still exists, dude!” 

The boy darkened. “Oh. Did she.. did she confirm that we were broken up or..” 

Robin panicked when she saw the look on Eddie’s face. Yes. Panic. That’s what she would tell Yn when she undoubtedly gets in trouble for this later. 

“I mean yes but she still loves you she’s just really upset because it’s her senior year and everything and she knows it’s not your style she just figured that you might make one little sacrifice for your girlfriend because she’s always supporting your Dungeons and Dragons nerd things all the time and it seems like you expect her to compromise and I guess it just hurts her feelings that you won’t do the same for her and she already picked out this really cool dress and she was just really looking forward to it and she’s still going but it just won’t be the same and-”

The girl took a deep breath to begin talking again, but she was interrupted by the man in front of her. “Oh shit. Ohhh I fucked up.”

The boy beside him hummed in acknowledgement. “Oh shit indeed, Eddie.”

Eddie ran a ring-clad hand through his hair and laughed incredulously, sliding down the lockers he had been leaning against. “I’m the biggest idiot ever to exist in the history of idiots.” He frantically looked up at Robin. “Quick, what color is her dress?”

The day had somehow snuck itself onto everyone. Girls were panic-buying hairspray and boys were rushing to the nearest grocer for acceptable looking bouquets. As soon as the sun went down, Hawkins’ roads were filled with rented limos and concerned parents. Meanwhile, Eddie was pacing around his trailer as Dustin tried to give him a pep talk.

“Dude, relax. This’ll work, I’m positive.”

Despite Dustin’s words, Eddie didn’t look any less nervous than he was before. He stood in front of Dustin and spread his arms, “Do I look okay?”

“Perfect! Except for one thing. Do you have a tie?”

“Yeah, but I couldn’t figure out how to tie it so I just took it off. Do I need one?”

Dustin rolled his eyes and sighed, “Bring it here.”

10 minutes later Eddie could proudly say that he knew how to tie a tie. Dustin gave Eddie another once-over before approving; with Dustin’s stamp of approval, Eddie was finally ready to knock on your front door (after dropping Dustin off at home, of course). His emotions were so frazzled that he doesn't even remember the drive. One second he was putting a bouquet in his passenger seat and his guitar in the back and the next he was pulling into your driveway. It was nearly 8pm already, and though he wasn’t a religious man, he was praying to any god out there that you were still home. Eddie knocked on the front door with one sweaty hand, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited for someone to open the door.

Except it wasn’t you who opened the door, it was your mother. “Eddie? What are you doing here? Yn’s not here right now.”

He nodded quickly before running back to his van, your mother watching him, confused at his unusual behavior. There was no time to waste. If you weren’t home then you must have already been at the dance. Robin did say you planned to go anyway. Plan B it is.

As soon as he made it to the school, he was rushing to the gym, bouquet in hand and guitar strapped to his back. The dance had already started, which made it difficult to spot you in the crowd of his peers. He eventually spotted you seated at a table with Robin, completely oblivious to his presence. You looked beautiful, and as you laughed at something your friend said, his heart tightened at the thought that it could’ve been him sitting with you and drinking (probably spiked) shitty pink punch.

“Guess she wasn’t home, huh? You owe us big time, Eddie. Do you know how hard it is to rent a tux day of? It’s easier to buy alcohol underage. Thought they were gonna background check us, dude.”  

He turned to his friends and smiled sheepishly. “Seriously though, guys, thanks. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn't agreed.” 

“Whatever Munson, we’re desperate for you to get Yn back. Your campaigns have been dogshit lately because you’re so heartbroken. It’s pathetic. Seriously. Now what set are we playing?”

Eddie smiled. “Oh no boys, we’re not playing a Corroded Coffin original tonight.”

While Eddie led his band-mates backstage, you stood and offered your hand to Robin. “Let’s dance, Rob. I’m missing out on a boyfriend at prom but no WAY am I missing out on dancing to Pat Benatar.” Reluctantly, your friend stood up and took your hand. “Cool ring by the way, where'd you get it?”

You looked at your hand, confused, until you realized you were wearing one of Eddie’s rings. You’d had intentions to give it back, but you couldn’t bear to take it off. It was your favorite of his, a silver, spider shaped ring with a ruby in the middle. “Oh uh, I got it at a vintage shop. Now come on, the song’s almost over!” Dancing with Robin allowed you a moment of reprieve from thinking about Eddie. It didn’t last long though, not when you heard the music stop abruptly, replaced with angry protests from your peers. “Seriously? What gives?” 

Curious, you made your way to the front of the crowd surrounding the stage, Robin in tow. Before you could reach the stage, you heard the sound of a bass guitar starting up. “What the hell?” You finally pushed your way past the group closest to the stage, and what you saw made you stop dead in your tracks. “Robin, please tell me you’re seeing this too.” 

“If you’re also seeing Eddie Munson on stage at prom playing with his band, then yeah I'm seeing it.” 

You gawked as he leaned towards the mic and started singing. There was no way he was going to these lengths. “Tonight- I wanna give it all to you, In the darkness, so much I wanna do-“ You saw him search the crowd, but his eyes never met yours.

“Doesn’t he usually play all that death metal stuff? Kind of a genre switch if you ask me.” You looked at Robin and ran your hand through your hair. “Yeah-” You had to yell over the deafening noise . “It’s my favorite!”

 “And tonight- I wanna lay it at your feet, ‘cause girl I was made for you, and girl you were made for me-“ 

The crowd was buzzing again, excited that the ‘freaks’ were playing recognizable music. “I was made for lovin’ you baby, you were made for lovin’ me!” You felt yourself smile endearingly, adoring how at-home Eddie looked in his element, eyes closed and all but yelling into the microphone. 

“And I can’t get enough of you baby, can you get enough of me?” For the first time, you took notice of his outfit. It looked like he’d actually tried- he had a tie and everything, though he hadn’t taken off his signature rings or his worn-down converse. (You preferred it that way anyways- it was unapologetically Eddie) 

“And tonight, I wanna see it in your eyes, feel the magic, there’s somethin’ that drives me wild.” His eyes raked over the crowd again. “And tonight, we’re gonna make it come true, cause girl you were made for me, and girl I was made for you-“ Finally, your eyes met his, and he grinned, triumphant. With as much force as he could muster, he sang the chorus, and motioned for the crowd to join. “I was made for lovin’ you, baby, you were made for lovin’ me!” Throughout the rest of the song, Eddie’s eyes were only on you, pleased that you at least looked amused at his performance. However, as soon as the song ended, his confidence was spent and he was eaten up with anxiety. Would you be angry? Would you tell him to piss off? As he left the stage in an attempt to find you, he felt a hand clasp his shoulder. Expecting you, he turned around, but instead found himself face-to-face with his drummer.

 “I saw her head to the bathroom with Buckley. They’re probably deciding your fate right now, dude.” 

“Thanks, Gareth, that really makes me feel better.” Eddie deadpanned.

 “I’d pray to god that Yn’s in a forgiving mood. We’ll catch you later, Eddie. Goodluck.”

“Y’know, I don’t see why you're so freaked about it. Do you have any idea how many girls would kill to have a guy that would do that for her?” 

“Do you know how many girls didn’t have to break up with their boyfriends before they showed up to the god damn prom?” 

Robin shrugged. “Touché.”

“So, what do you think I should do?”

“Don’t leave it up to me!” she screeched. “I’ve never had to deal with this before!”

“No no no, not a valid answer. What would love guru Steve Harrington do?”

Robin snorted. “Something dumb, probably.” You groaned and put your head in your hands as you slid down the stall door. “Somebody sedate me.”

After a moment of silence, Robin spoke up, giving her best impression of Steve. “You gotta take a chance on the guy, what if you lose the wrong guy and end up a single, nerdy loser that works at a video shop like me for the rest of your life?”

You giggle, but then pause. “Wait, you’re right.”

Robin blanched. “About your future of being a single loser?”

You pushed her slightly. “No idiot, about taking a chance.” You lept to your feet and started out of the bathroom. “Hey, where are you going?” 

“To do something dumb, probably.” 

As soon as you exited the bathroom, you frantically looked around for a glimpse of Eddie’s mess of dark hair. Immediately, you spotted him pacing around the entrance to the gym. He was fiddling with his hair, frazzling the ends and rolling them over his fingers. You walked towards him quietly, and he didn’t notice you until you spoke.

 “You clean up pretty good, Munson.” You lightly joked. “Oh my god, Yn-“ He was tempted to hug you, but he didn’t know how you'd react. Your arms were crossed over your chest and you looked uncomfortable. God, he could feel his palms sweating already. “Yn, I'm so sorry, I’ve been such a dick and you look so amazing and I can’t believe I almost missed seeing you just because of my pride. I’ve been totally blind to your needs and just totally inconsiderate. I hope you can forgive me.” Afraid of your answer, he looked down at his feet, bracing himself for your response. 

To his surprise, you just sighed. “Eddie.. It’s not all your fault. I overreacted over something I knew was probably a stretch in the first place. I knew prom wasn’t really your thing and I almost lost the guy I love over it.”

He looked up and met your eyes, hopeful. ”So you forgive me?”

You smiled and he pulled you into a hug. “This time. But you know, you can’t just show up and sing me a Kiss song everytime we fight.”

He grinned. “Of course. Next time it’ll be a Depeche Mode song, then Tears for Fears, then maybe even an Ozzy song.” You rolled your eyes. “Whatever, Munson.” You snuggled into his chest and appreciated his warmth for a moment until he moved. 

“Hey wait, I have something for you. He removed his hands from around your waist and stepped back. 

“Close your eyes!” He said in a sing-song voice. You huffed a breath in amusement and complied. “They’re closed.” You heard shuffling before he spoke again. “Wait here for a sec.” You heard footsteps retreating and waited, but not for long. 

When he returned, he was accompanied by a crinkling sound. “Okay now open.” You complied, and were met by the sight of Eddie offering you a bouquet that nearly covered his entire face. You held back a giggle and took the flowers as he cleared his throat comically and brought himself down to one knee. 

“Now, will you, Miss Yn Ln, do me the ultimate honor and accompany me to senior prom?” 

You tapped the bouquet to your chin and pretended to think deeply. 

“Okay, sweetheart, honey, baby, I’m gonna be honest with you, I don’t have the strongest knees and this is really doing a number on me.” You laughed and offered your hand to him in a faux-cordial manner. “Well, Mr. Munson, I would be delighted to accompany you to the senior prom.” Before he stood, he kissed your hand and smiled. “I love you, Yn.” You felt yourself melt a little. “I love you too, Eddie.” He brought you into yet another hug, burying his face into your neck. You stayed like that for a few minutes, until you felt him smirk against your neck and lift his head to meet your eyes.

“So I take it you liked my performance?” He raised his brows and you huffed. “Oh my god, would you just shut up and kiss me already?” He smiled and leaned in until your lips were ghosting each other. “As the lady wishes.” Finally, his lips connected with yours. After a moment, you pulled away. “So I guess I really did get the entire prom experience, Mr. Teen Angst.” 

  “Not quite.” You gave him a questioning look, but all he did was wiggle his brows suggestively. You deadpanned and started walking back to the gym. “Always gotta ruin the sweet moment, Munson. Keep it in your pants at least until we get home, ’kay?” He smiled and followed after you. “No promises!” When he caught up to you, he grabbed your hand. “And by the way, sweetheart, I'm 20, so it’s not teen angst, it’s just the regular kind.” 

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

[spiral-man]

My self indulgent list of Entities and what I think my connection to them would be, let’s go:

The Eye-I believe I could be a good avatar of the Eye because I’m super nosy, and have always been told I ask to many questions and am to curious and also I’m a pretty open book myself.

The Spiral-If I had to Pick an Entity I think I’d be most likely to serve it would be the Spiral. I have a lot of mental health issues and I have a hard time figuring out what’s real and what’s fake within my perception, Also I’m Pansexual and Pangender and I have ADHD so….

The Flesh-Think I could definitely be at least marked by The Flesh due to a history of $elf Harm (getting better!) and my fondness for NBC Hannibal.

The Lonely-Depression and Anxiety make me prime real-estate for the lonely and I have a bad tendency of dwelling in my own misery at times and finding comfort in that which is what this entity feeds on.

The Slaughter-I’ve got some anger issues and have a bit of a violent tendency at times (working on it).

The Hunt-Used to (still do) love games like tag and hide and seek, I really loved the adrenaline rush those games give you, especially in the woods or something.

The Stranger-I have a bit of a hard time feeling human, I feel like I’m doing it wrong most of the time, like I’m just ever so slightly off compared to everyone else, like I’m just pretending.

The Web-Manipulative parents need I say more.

The Dark-Always loved the dark, find it very comforting.

The End-I’ve never been scared of death, I’ve had some past suicidal issues and now I’m currently studying to be a funeral director/embalmer.

The Desolation-My family has a history of Arson in the sense that one of my grandmas siblings almost burnt their house down because they liked to play with matches, my grandmas son did burn a playground down because he liked to play with matches and my grandmas granddaughter (me, hi) also has almost burnt her house down (multiple times) due to enjoying playing with matches.

The Corruption-Probably my worst fear, when I was younger I loved bugs but these day they make me so uncomfortable, thinking about them makes me itch, and similar idea with rot in general I just hate it, this fear would have a easy time feeding on me.

The Buried-Similar to the dark, I actually do not mind super confined spaces and in fact find them sort of comforting at times.

The Vast-I used to really love to climb trees but I could never get to high up because I was scared of how unsteady it felt, in general I like climbing shit to be up high but if it feels unstable I feel like I’m about to pass out.

the Exctinction-Lived through a pandemic and constantly being informed about different new events that could end the world.

If you read all this, hot damn I love you wow thank you so much haha, this was purely self indulgent as ive seen other people do it and I find the fears so interesting.

[paperstarwriters]

Muriel & Physical affection HCs

I always feel so weirdly torn about Muriel & physical affection because on the one hand I do realize that he's kinda uncomfy with it in the first half and he's only better with it in the later half because he's grown familiar with MC, but like...

my gut instinct (aka, my need to project my traits onto him) is telling me that Muriel (like myself) is a little touch averse with strangers/people he doesn't know well, and even his friends since he doesn't know whether or not they're comfy with that and is too afraid/awkward to ask, but when given the chance/opportunity to he really really really likes cuddling, and will just absolutely creep up behind you to hug you while you do something. When he works on his carvings, he likes to either have you lean against his back while he works or have you sit in his lap (Only if he's painting/varnishing/whatever tho, he's not going to get wood shavings on you lol) Sometimes he even likes lying down in your lap if you're reading something.

also, also surprise kisses are most certainly a thing between the both of you lol (I know I've already written about this lol but I can't help it I love this idea too much) He just loves to shock you with a little kiss somewhere sensitive on your skin just to see you react with embarrassment or melt in his hands for once. Of course, he's no safer from kisses but he still takes great delight and joy in seeing you get all squirmy for once.

also, Imagine the chaos of the both of you bathing/swimming in a lake or something. With less clothes, Muriel has more access to your skin and will definitely leave some kisses in places he wouldn't have been able to reach before. And even if he practically freezes at the contact, rest assured that he loves you taking advantage of the same thing just as much as you do.

Also I imagine that he has a sort of love-hate relationship with PDA. On the one hand he hates the attention it draws to himself from onlookers. It makes him kinda spiral as he worries about what other people are thinking at seeing him with you, do they think that it's an imbalanced match or something? Do they think he's out of your league? Do they find PDA annoying and see his actions as uncomfortable or gross or rude or annoying??

On the other hand he cannot deny how giddy it makes him feel when he laces his hand with yours and gets to stroll through the streets quietly showing off to everyone else that you are his and he is yours. It's even better and even worse with a kiss. Especially since, if you give him a quick peck on his lips he'll probably want more, but will feel too uncomfortable in the crowds for another kiss, let alone asking for one.

and yet despite that he feels almost entirely fine with feeding you and being fed by you when you buy food in the market. Of course "almost entirely fine" might be a little inaccurate, he's not fine, but only in the best ways possible. He doesn't pass up the chance to lick up crumbs or juice or sauce from your fingertips or down your palm and wrist if it had gotten that far, and he gets very, very giddy when you do the same for him. He'll blush bright red, but it won't impede on him eating more of what you feed him. The only time it'd probably come to a halt is if he catches someone staring at the both of you. You'll be able to thank that random stranger for having to stop your little meal early.

Oh also, also Muriel definitely reads fiction stories. I just can't help but grin at the idea of him reading about some sort of knight in shining armor who gets to kiss their love interest on the back of their hand or along their knuckles as a sign of loyalty and respect, and Muriel just, with almost no explanation at all does the same for you.

Idk just Muriel & physical cuddly affection

[eddies-house]

The Under-Ground (18+ ONLY)

Chapter Six - The Yellow Car

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 |

Modern!Barista!Eddie AU - "You made me hate myself and you were okay with that."

Enemies to Lovers, Modern!Barista!Eddie AU, Eddie x Fem Reader

9.6K Words

Warnings - Eddie is an asshole, eventual smut, mentions of drugs and drinking, drug dealing, allusions to mental illness, I don't think there's anything else but please let me know if I missed anything

Author's Note: I have nothing to say other than pls lmk what you think cause I put my full pussy into this one like im so scared to post this

Masterlist

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The Harrington House, December of Junior Year

“Well done, Munson.  Looks like you’ve won yourself a hundred bucks.”

What?

Oh.

It felt like blood filled your ears, everything becoming muffled the second the words were spoken.  The breath had been stolen from your lungs and you wanted to choke.  Hands numb, fingers tingling uncomfortably, and mouth drying up, you were obligated to process the unthinkable.  The unthinkable in your eyes at least.  A hot face seared with fresh humiliation was always the worst side effect.

A hundred bucks.

The guy with an arm wrapped around Eddie wore a letterman jacket.  He looked like every other one of them.  Sandy blond hair, blue eyes, and a menacing smirk stuck to his stupid face.  You’d seen him before, hell he was probably one of the boys to stand on the sidelines when the others made unsolicited comments at you.  Nathan?  You couldn’t remember his name and honestly, had no interest.

Then there was Eddie.  He was a stranger now.  You didn’t need any context, his face said it all.  His lips were parted as if trying to grasp words, any words as he attempted to shrug the jock off of his shoulder.  Those big brown eyes you one minute saw so much promise in were now distant and pleading.  How could he do this to you?

A hundred dollar bill was slapped to his chest and…he grabbed it.  Clutched it in his greedy hand.

The world was becoming one large swirling blob as hot tears brimmed in your eyes, your entire body shaking and your nerves on fire–not in the romantic way they were before.  And that wasn’t all.  There was a cherry on top, of course there was because it wouldn’t be your life if things didn’t progressively become worse and worse with each passing second.  Several more jocks emerged from the pool table that once garnered their attention, each of them exhibiting a concerning amount of enthusiasm at your expense.  If you were asked, you couldn’t recall anything they were shouting as they mimicked a dog’s bark after.

Paralyzing.  

Mortifyingly paralyzing—all you wanted to do was run, you didn’t know where but you wanted to leave this awful place.  And yet you found yourself glued to the very same bean bag that moments before held a girl that was so entranced and intoxicated—not on alcohol but on him.  She was nearly a ghost now, a shell of a person with barely any breath left in her, a corpse in the making. El c

All you could hear was hot blood pumping through your veins at a concerningly rapid rate, everything else was tuned out and your sole focus was how Eddie changed from the charming bad boy that only showed that certain softness for you into every other guy you’d encountered.  Shallow.  Selfish.  Scary.  Everything you knew him as, he no longer embodied.  The Eddie you knew was now also a shell.

You know when a person just feels like home?  They’re safe.  Warm.  Familiar scents.  Their presence is like a hug, a welcoming embrace.  Eddie was like home in the sense that his eyes offered an affectionate glow and he was always sugary sweet–not just regular sugar though–brown sugar.  A bit gritty with undertones of candied molasses, caramel and toffee lingering on the tongue if anyone ever cared to unveil those parts of him…which you did.

And he threw it all back in your face.  He didn’t need to say anything.  He was no longer the feeling of home, not since he just essentially threw you out on the doorstep and shut the lights off, feeding you to the wolves.  Your name fell from his lips desperately, his hand flying out to grasp at your knee, a hundred dollar bill still crushed in his other hand so tight he might just rip it and ruin his fortune.  But you were too fast, flinching away while boys congratulated him, praised him as tears rolled silently down your cheeks.  And before you could endure anymore your legs were carrying you up the wooden stairs, shoes thumping on each step as you attempted to maintain balance through teary eyes.  

You were an object.

–

Present Day

“Shit.”

The quiet but noticeable curse came from the front of the shop, your head only tilting toward the noise not out of curiosity but out of instinct.  Whatever Eddie was bent out of shape over this time was none of your concern.  The atmosphere had shifted since the cup debacle, it almost felt awkward but you were more disoriented than anything.

It wasn’t fair.

You were spiraling in the whirlpool that was Eddie’s recent behavior and yet he seemed unaffected.  Yes, he was acting far more civilly than he had in years but he still had this spark to him that no one could seem to put out.  You weren’t even sure if you wanted to–no you knew you didn’t–that wasn’t your intention, ever.  The spark was never the issue, it was the fact that the spark would grow into flames.  Unforgiving, destructive, scolding flames only headed in your direction, everyone else safe from the path of annihilation that was guided by his venomous words.

It wasn’t exactly ideal, your declared enemy since junior year suddenly holding back on firing like he was out of ammo.  It would be enough to send anyone into insanity because he would never run out of ammo, he would always have something to say that would hit a nerve just right but tonight…tonight he seemed to be aiming toward himself.  Small self-deprecating jokes of ‘Munson, were you born fucking yesterday?’ said to no one in particular as a healthy glob of whip cream slid off of the small mountain he was creating and onto the sticky floor.

So when he muttered a curse toward the front of the shop as you silently dismissed yourself to the breakroom to catch up on some assignments in the absence of any customers due to the storm outside, you didn’t pay any mind.

“Oh, shit, shit, shit!”

Not even a blink of an eye was offered as you scrolled through the files on your laptop, tracking pad greasy from the endless stress eating when you happened to attend a study group every now and then.  The breakroom table shook as your knee bounced against the leg.  Whatever the issue was, he could figure it out.  Hell, how does cleaning the window warrant that much of a reaction?  How badly could he fuck up cleaning a window?  You didn’t even care, the thought was gone as soon as it came.  He wasn’t going to earn a reaction, not when he was pulling whatever stunt he was pulling at the moment.

“Fuck my life–Roadkill, I think we got a big problem.”

Your eyes may as well have rolled into another dimension.  If he thought he could just start calling you that, reality would have to slap him in the face.  No, this was not going to be entertained.

“I think you’re gonna wanna–shit!  There was a brief silence and some shuffling before he yelled back again.  “You’re gonna have to get your ass out here and tell me what the fuck to do.  This is just–god dammit!  This is not in my job description.”

There was no helping the grin that pulled at your lips, no matter how hard you tried to hold it back.

“No?  Nothing?”  It sounded as if he was talking to himself more so than you which only elicited a quiet chuckle that you knew wouldn't be heard all the way from the back.  “Okay, well then you can explain to Ronnie–god fuck!  Where are the fucking rags–or just anything absorbent?!”  His voice got closer and you knew he was rummaging through the several cabinets lining the coffee bar, your suspicion only confirmed when the slam of each small door would echo through the shop.

“I think you got it handled.”  You finally chime in, a smirk displayed on your face, eyes glued to the screen in front of you as you typed.

“Got it handled my ass.”  It was mumbled under his breath but you still caught it as his steps seemed to get closer only to appear in the doorway of the break room, bangs sticking straight up in disarray and a torn up rag clutched in his hand tightly, a hand braced against the doorway as he leaned against it, cocking a brow at you which you only caught as you glanced up at him against your better judgment.  “Is that what you’re gonna tell Ronnie when he shows up tomorrow and everything is completely under water?  ‘Oh, Eddie had it handled’.  Yeah that’s gonna go just fine, then we’re both gonna get fired–”

“What–wait–what are you talking–”

“It’s flooding!”  An urgent point of his finger toward the front had your eyes widening.

Not another second was wasted as you flew out of your seat, pushing past Eddie and receiving a grunt in response as you slammed a little too hard into his chest on the way out.  And sure enough, water was trickling in from underneath the two french doors, inching further and further into the shop.

“Shit.”

“That’s what I said!  You didn’t listen!”

Eddie shoved the tattered and useless rag into his back pocket before reaching for a throw blanket that had been previously carefully placed on the couch near the bookshelves.  He had no fear as he stepped into the water that didn’t quite reach the top of his boots yet.  The blanket was wedged in the crack underneath the door as much as it could go to keep the water at bay.  But it would only hold for so long.

“I-I’m gonna call Ronnie.”  You decide, Eddie nodding as he further kicked the fabric underneath the door.

It would’ve been a decent plan had the storm not affected the cell towers.  You attempted to get through but the call wouldn’t go through and panic only grew in your features.  In denial, you even tried a few more times, hoping, just hoping that maybe the call would carry through but to no avail, the call dropped every time.

“Okay, it should hold for a few minutes but after that we’re fucked.”  Eddie was only causing more anxiety in his statement.

“Oh god.  I can’t get any signal.”  You would have winced at the way you whined if you weren’t internally crumbling.

“I think we just need to get the fuck outta here.”

“Do you see outside?!  We won’t even be able to see two feet in front of us and the water is rising!”  A clammy hand dragged down your cheek in despair, your breath uneven.  Why could you never catch a break?

“I’m gonna check the back, see if we can go that way.  You just…watch the door and yell if it starts flooding again.”

All you could do was nod as he raced toward the back.  Water was slowly spilling into the shop little by little and just when you thought things were as bad as they could get, the lights began flickering and you knew the power was done for.  It was only a matter of when it would go out.  So you did what you could, shoving the blanket even further under the crack to create a barrier, becoming desperate enough to even untie your apron knowing the canvas material would provide more assistance as you tucked it beneath the door.  As you squat to push the material further, your foot slips and suddenly your knees are engulfed in the puddle of water that had formed.  You hissed at the impact of the hard floor but brushed it off the moment you realized you created a wall between the water and the shop that was sturdy enough and didn’t seem like it would falter anytime soon.  Knock on wood cause god forbid if the night spirals into an even bigger shit show, you wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“So, there’s no way we’re getting out through the back.”

God, you just kept jinxing yourself.

With doe eyes, you looked up at Eddie like a pathetic excuse of a human.  Your pants were becoming drenched every second you sat there, the fabric absorbing a small amount of the large puddle you resided in.  Tears pooled once again and you swore you wouldn’t cry in front of him again but it seemed inevitable at this point.  It was like your new thing.  And before you could jinx yourself any further, the lights flickered especially bright before blacking out completely.  It was nearly pitch black except for the saving grace of the streetlights outside that must have been on some kind of backup generator.

“C’mon.”  Eddie’s hands were on you, pulling you up by your arms but you shoved him away, tears spilling despite your best efforts.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t do this now.  C’mon.”  His voice was soft but firm as he continued his attempt at pulling you out of the water.

“Stop it!”  Your hand came down, splashing the water harshly in the heat of the moment.  You could be equated to a child having a tantrum and you hated that he’d probably hold this over you.

“Let’s go.”  He wasn’t giving up but he wasn’t making fun of you either.  It only added to your outburst, everything was all so confusing, your whole life felt like it had been shaken around in a to-go container and opened only to reveal the leftovers splattered–a mess you can’t undo.  An unappetizing meal that no one would go near.

“Quit doing that!  You’re acting like you care!”

“Get up.”

“Stop playing mind games with me, Eddie.”  Snot was dripping from your nose but you couldn’t find it in you to care.

“Get up.”  The tone was stern as he held a ringed hand out to you which you only stared at in anguish.  “Get up.  If you don’t get up, I’m picking you up.”  You continued to glare up at him through wet eyelashes and salty tears.

“Get fucked.”  You spat bitterly.

Large brown eyes stared up at the ceiling momentarily as if he was pondering before he knelt down to your eye level.  Even in the darkness you could still see that spark in his eyes, pupils blown in mischief.  “I’ll give you one more chance.  Let me help you up or I’m gonna make you get up.”

Oh.

For some reason you found yourself even more stubborn in your pitiful puddle of tears and rain water.

“Get.  Fucked.”

Before you could even exhale a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, you were thrown over Eddie’s shoulder and for the life of you, you couldn’t ignore the spice lingering in his cologne and the detergent wafting into your nose from his shirt.  You didn’t even realize you were gripping said shirt in between your fingers until he began to set you on the plush leather couch, his shirt raising before you released the cotton at the realization.

“I mean it, go away.”  You weakly wiped at your cheeks as he knelt in front of you, looking up at your puffy face as he toyed with his rings.

“I will.  But first I need to make sure you won’t have a heart attack.”

“I’m fine.” 

You weren’t.

With a short nod and a sigh, he stands up.  And what did it mean if you suddenly felt devoid of warmth?

–

9:00 PM.

It was 9:00 PM, an hour and a half later and the phone lines were still dead, the rain was coming down harder than you’d ever seen, and the shop remained engulfed in darkness.  The power wasn’t going to come back anytime soon.  Though your shift was over, there was no way you were leaving without being washed away or drowning.

At least there was a comfortable couch and a supply of food at your disposal.  Even then, fear was consuming you and you just couldn’t help it.

What if the flooding gets so bad and we have nowhere to go so we’re forced to drown?

What if I die and I was never able to make amends with Steve?

What about Robin?

What about Will?

What about Dustin?  Lucas?  Max?  El?  Mike?  Jonathan?  Nancy?  Joyce?  Everyone?

My found family.

What if they all forget about me?

What if they don’t care?

The thoughts were becoming unbearable, devastatingly unbearable and your brain may as well have imploded from the impending doom you were subjecting yourself to.  Again, you were crying.  But this time Eddie wasn’t watching, he was occupied atop the counter, back to you, his apron discarded next to him as he swung his feet back and forth.  In his hand was a straw wrapper, folded neatly over and over until it was as small as he was able to get it before unraveling it and repeating the process.  All you could do was bury your head in your hands because your final thought of unavoidable despair was: What if I wanted to see more of this Eddie?

But that wasn’t possible and it never could be.  Because he was an arrogant and short tempered man with no regard for you.  Right?  You hadn’t engaged with him this much since high school, every other time in between didn’t allow for the two of you to interact for more than ten minutes at a time.  Then you wouldn’t see each other for months until plans collided and someone had accidentally invited you both.  Now he was everywhere.  All the time.  It’s almost like that one thing people say where if you think about a yellow car, you’ll see a yellow car everywhere you go without fail.

There was no excusing the damage he had caused all those years ago and if you’re honest, you were still repairing it.  But there was nagging in the back of your brain, a faint feeling that was familiar and that’s why it was scary.  Because the last time this feeling lurked on the outskirts of your thoughts, you got hurt.  A kind of hurt that you don’t just recover from and move on, forgive and forget.  The kind of hurt that makes you ache so deep when you’re face to face with the source.  And what were you supposed to do when that source created both a tremendous ache, painfully and longingly?  Left you hating his guts but wanting more all in the same breath?

No, you were supposed to despise him.  He made you hate yourself and he was okay with that.  That’s what you needed to remember.  He was not seventeen years old and stealing your heart, he was seventeen years old and shattering it to pieces.  And yet, he was the yellow car of your life.  Were you his?

–

The Harrington House, December of Junior Year

The stairs.

The stairs became your least favorite place in the world at that moment.  A sob escaped your lungs uncontrollably and though you did your best to muffle the sound with your hands, you still caught a few stares from some girls passing you on their way down.  You couldn’t imagine how crazy you looked with tears rolling down your face as you wobbled up the steps, only managing to make it to the landing before you had to take a minute to collect yourself.  The basement was suffocating, if you had to breathe in anymore of its toxic fumes you felt you might just pass out.  But you just couldn’t bring yourself to trek up the last few steps, your body was refusing to carry you any further.

With a hand braced against the wall, you attempted to regulate your breathing and tame your oncoming sobs only to fail as you stood there in utter mortification.  The woops and the yells of the boys downstairs continued only spurring on your anxiety which kept you a hostage on the landing.

“Oh, Munson’s gonna go hit that!”

“He’s going for the gold!”

You couldn’t find it in you to be surprised anymore.

“Fuck off!”

A series of offended yet amused ‘oh’s sounded throughout the room and after that, the thump of some heavy boots against the bottom of the wooden stairs.  Knowing very well who those steps belonged to, you ignored them and set your priorities on getting up the remainder of the stairs.  A task that seemed near impossible in your current state as a trembling foot placed itself on the next step up only to hesitate and fall back onto the landing as you bit your lip and tried to suck back as many tears as you could.

“Fuck.”  You whispered, reprimanding yourself as hot, fat tears continued to spill down your face, your hands doing their best to wipe them away only to be defeated as more trailed down.

A murmur of your name just behind you had your shoulders tensing and your eyes squeezing shut.  Eddie’s voice sounded distraught, for what reason you weren’t sure.  He won his stupid bet and he wasn’t the one being exploited.

“Please, let me–”

“I-I’m leaving.  Just–just leave me alone.”

Eddie wanted to throw himself down the stairs but he knew that would even provide enough pain to measure up to what he’d inflicted on you.  He fucked up.  Your shaking frame and wet sniffles made him want to drop to his knees and beg for your forgiveness.  But he also knew that would never be enough, the look in your eyes as you realized the density of the situation was something he would never be able to get out of his mind.  The absolute terror flashing across your face would haunt him forever and when you evacuated the basement like your life depended on it with complete panic etched into your features he accepted that he ruined everything.

“C-can we talk?  Please.  Please.”  You’d never heard him sound so small and you hated that there was an ounce of you that felt for him when he was the villain here.  You didn’t need to see his face to know that those stupid puppy dog eyes were looking up at you, begging for you to turn around.  You could just feel it.

“No.”

“Let me explain.”

The nerve.  As if you were too brainless to understand.

“You don’t need to.”

Finally, you faced him.  Looking over your shoulder all you saw was betrayal disguised as a beautiful boy that you vowed to never go near again.  Of course you were right about his stupid puppy dog eyes because they were looking up at you from a few steps down, glassy and pleading, his mouth opening and closing as if to respond but no words were good enough.  He knew that.

“Leave me alone, Eddie.  I mean it.”  You gritted, finding the courage to embark up the rest of the stairs.  You had no intention of entertaining a conversation with someone who never had your best interest in mind, especially a conversation where he would beg for sympathy and understanding.  As you emerged from the basement, the hall became foggy.  More tears.  Shocker.  The music grew louder as you shoved through groups of people, not one of them paying any mind in their intoxicated state.  You saw the light at the end of the tunnel when Nancy and Steve were in clear view, talking and swaying to the music.  Nancy.  You just needed to get to Nancy.  Except a barrier of all black and leather was suddenly in your way.  And those goddamn near black eyes that you now loathed despite how enthralling they were.

“I didn’t accept the money.”  He stood in your way and it only made you boil.

“Oh, that makes things so much better!  Do you want a medal?”

You were turning sour and he had never witnessed this side of you before.  You were always the sweet and reserved girl from school.  He had to come to terms with the fact that he was the one to turn things upside down and spoil the budding relationship you shared.  But he only knew how to twist the knife deeper and deeper so if his tone came out meaner than he intended, he wasn’t able to reverse it and he was fully aware of that.  After all, sabotage was what he did best even if he was internally screaming at himself to stop.

“A medal?  I don’t want a fucking medal.  I want to talk!”

“Talk about what?!  Talk about how you’re a liar?  I watched you take the money.  You used me.”

Your finger prodded at his sternum rather hard but he didn’t budge.  

“No, no I didn’t.”

Lies.  Everything was made up of lies.  He was a liar.

“I have to get out of here.”  Your fingers swiped under your eyes, gathering any makeup that had built up in your turmoil, a defeated breath escaping you as you moved toward Nancy who was watching with concern.  But he stubbornly blocked your way once again.

“I know I made a stupid mistake but I wasn’t talking to you just to get a hundred bucks–”

“Eddie, I don’t wanna hear it.  Just leave me alone.”

It was over.  The damage was done and you planned to never look his way again.  All you needed was to cry into Nancy and hear Steve’s comforting words.  Though he was right about Eddie, you knew he wouldn’t celebrate seeing as you got hurt as a result of going against his warnings.  It was never something he’d wish upon you but you were being reckless and it was proving his point.  

“I have liked you ever since last year.  Tonight I made a dumb decision, I know that.”

There was regret in his eyes but it was too late for any kind of redemption.  He made his bed and he had to lay in it.  

“Do you?”  You whisper.

His gaze went softer and an anxious hand ran through his curls, tugging at them a bit too harshly.  All he could hear in his brain was ‘fix this fix this fix this’ but how could he fix this?  

“I-I never thought about the money.  They said they thought I could never get you to talk to me and I knew I could because we already had been talking but I–I also started doubting–”

“Do.  Not.  Make this about you.  Do not try to make me feel sorry for you.”  You turned cold right before his eyes.  It was something he never would have expected from you but he knows that if anyone could cause it, it would be him.  Of course it would be him.  He never deserved love in the first place so it was fitting that the moment he received anything close to it, he did what he did best and destroyed it.

“I’m not.  I got in my head and did something I’m not proud of.  But I need you to know that I never talked to you just to make a few extra bucks.”

He was trying, fuck he was trying.  But it wasn’t good enough and below the surface he had already accepted that but there was a naive little boy inside of him that yearned for love and always cried ‘why’ whenever he managed to ruin everything.  The only answer he could come up with was ‘because I’m me’.

“I liked you.  Do you know how it felt to have it all thrown in my face like that?  And have everyone laughing and watching me?  Like I’m some kind of zoo animal?  All because some boy used my crush to his advantage?”

I liked you.

Crush.

You were red in the face and all he could think about was the flutter in his stomach as his brain hung onto those words.  

“It’s not like that and you know it.  I have talked to you since last year.  Before tonight.  I have liked you this whole time.”

Admitting it was hard, he’d never done that before but he was clawing his way back to the old dynamic you two had.  What he failed to realize in his teenage mind was that there was no going back.  It was a lost cause.  He couldn’t just say sorry and everything would be fine again.

“No you haven’t.  No, no one who likes someone would ever treat them like this.  Steve was right, you are a lowlife.”  You’d never seen red like this before but the more bullshit he was spewing, the closer to the edge you got.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“A lowlife Eddie.  You’re a lowlife.  What?  Did I offend you?  I’m sorry I thought that's what this was.  I thought we had no respect for each other, right?”

He thought he was doing the right thing, so why were you rejecting everything he said?  He was admitting to his wrong doings and being honest so didn’t that warrant a peaceful resolution?  That’s what he initially thought but he was quickly learning that there were layers upon layers to this argument, that to truly understand and to truly earn your respect he needed to fully dissect the situation.  He had no idea how to.

“I’m trying to tell you what happened!  I’m trying to lay it all out and tell you I fucked up–”

“Why don’t you go back to selling drugs to your little jock friends?  I guess trailer trash and white trash really go hand in hand.  You guys are perfect for each other.”

Oh.

It was a low blow and you weren’t proud.  All you wanted to do in that moment was hurt him like he hurt you.  He was speechless and you guessed that maybe that was the reaction you wanted.  To stun him.  Show him you weren’t just a fragile girl he could play with for his own benefit.

“You know I was so stupid for thinking you were different from them.  You’re a monster just like them.  I don’t know why I ever thought you were the exception.”

“Is that what you think?”  His voice turned eerily quiet.  The party surrounding you may as well have not existed with how tense things had become.

“Yeah.  I think I should have just listened to Steve and stayed far away from you.  What was I thinking liking someone who’s good for nothing other than a few pills and some shitty weed?”

Rage took the wheel but you didn’t care and you’d even vouch that he deserved it.  And he’d agree with you but sometimes words dig up old wounds and the sting only fueled the flames behind his eyes.

“Fine.  Run to King Steve like you always do.  I bet you’re fucking him just to keep him around.”

He should’ve just spat in your face instead, it would’ve had the same effect as his words.

“Excuse me?”

“What do I know though?  I’m just some shitty trailer trash drug dealer.”

He offers a shrug but in the most unfriendly way.  Your words were eating away at him like acid and he was trying his best to appear unaffected.  Had you not been so full of resentment you may have caught him cracking.

“You’re such an asshole.”  

A shove to his chest lets him know that he’s done his job.  That he’s wrecked the only good thing he had going for him.  Just as he regrettably promised himself so many times.  So why not finish it off with a painful pinch of distaste?

“At least I don’t have to beg to keep my friends around.”

“At least I don’t have to mooch off of the jocks and use a stupid bet for some extra cash.”

“I didn’t take the fucking money.”  His jaw clenched, teeth gritting as he scowled at you.

“That doesn’t matter!  Are you fucking blind?!  I don’t give a shit that you gave the money back.  It’s the fact that you accepted the bet in the first place and then when it blew up in your face you turned into a coward!”

That sounds about right.

You hit every point on the mark.

But he wasn’t going to stand here and convince you that he was actually a good guy when he knew he wasn’t.

Nancy’s soothing voice broke the barriers of the heavy conversation fumigating the hallway before anything else could be said.

“C’mon, let’s go upstairs.”

The way Nancy glared at him as she guided you out of the hall made his stomach churn.  And the way Steve shot daggers at him only further proved that he was everything everyone said he was.  He confirmed Steve’s premonitions and he’d forever detest himself for it.

That night you’d passed by the kitchen as the party died down, all you wanted was water before returning upstairs to cry and get drunk on cheap wine with Nancy.  What you got was Eddie Munson making out with Chrissy Cunningham in the middle of the kitchen.  And when he caught your broken eyes, he knew he was the vessel for everything you hated.

–

Present Day

The crying wouldn’t cease as you remained curled up on the couch, knees to your chest and head in your hands.  The last 48 hours had been eventful enough that you would require a week to sleep it off.  The amount of crying only tacked on the time you would need to recover.  Outside, the storm continued raging and the wind combined with the harsh rain against the windows raised your anxieties.  Every other second you’d glance at the door anticipating the water breaking through the barrier you created and feared that soon enough the place would be flooded and you had no way out.

From what you could hear, there was some rummaging around behind the counter but that was the least of your concerns right now.  Whatever Eddie was messing around with this time wasn’t important and truthfully, you were just concentrating on keeping your sobs under control.  If one slipped out every so often, Eddie didn’t pay any mind or say anything which you were grateful for.

Until you felt a presence in front of you which you refused to acknowledge, further burying your face in your hands and cowering into your knees.  You pretended he wasn’t there.  

“Here.”

His voice was soft and velvety.  You were able to conclude that he was sitting on the coffee table in front of you as you peeked for a split second from between your fingers.  What he was offering you, you weren’t able to determine from the quick glance.  You responded with a shake of your head, hoping he’d just go back to mindlessly tinkering with things around the shop or fidgeting with straw wrappers.

“You’re gonna make yourself sick.”

Like he’d give a shit.

“C’mon, you gotta breathe.”

At this you give in, allowing him the smallest view of your eyes from just above your knees, wet lashes blinking up at him in the most beautiful way though he wishes he could take away all the sadness you were radiating.  Gentle.  He has to be gentle.  And if you happened to snap at him he had to control himself.  Breathe.

“Here.”  He repeats, holding out a to-go cup, just like the one from earlier.

Again you shake your head.  And he has to be fine with that.  He is fine with that.  Your poor body was trembling and he was carefully selecting his next words so he wouldn’t feed whatever was causing this episode.  Cup neglected next to him on the coffee table, his palms rest on the tops of his thighs as he stares at the floor contemplating.  A flash of light and a rumbling of thunder, louder than you could ever imagine has you flinching, face wincing almost as if in pain and he isn’t sure what his next move is.  When you glance back over at the door in fear he knows he has to divert your attention.  He isn’t sure how long you’ll both be stuck in here and if you’re freaking out the entire time it won’t help either of you.

“Hey.  The door is fine.”  He didn’t know that for sure but it seemed to be holding up and no more water was seeping into the shop so he was confident enough.

“Yeah.”  You whisper, lip being pulled in between your teeth nervously, nearly drawing blood.

“I promise–”

A deafening crack of thunder just about swallowed the town and on instinct, you lunged forward to grip Eddie’s bicep tightly.  Your nails were digging into his skin but he didn’t mind.  His initial reaction was to pull you into his arms but he decided against it.  Instead he gripped your forearms, gentle enough that if you were to pull away his hands would fall off of you with ease.  If this was the closest he’d get to ever holding you, he’d take it.

“It’s okay.  Everything’s okay.”  He soothed, his voice dripping with honey like never before.  “You’re gonna be okay.”

You seemed to realize how out of character you were as you let go of his arm, hands in the air as if surrendering but if you only knew he didn’t want you to.

“Sorry.”  You murmur, eyes wide.

His gaze never left you and yours never left his.  You were too close to him yet you couldn’t move back.  Somehow you still allowed his hands to hold your forearms and without thinking his thumb caressed the skin ever so slightly, a whisper of a touch.

“Nothin’ to be sorry for.”  That boyish smile graced his lips and for the first time in a while, you were appreciating it with stars in your eyes.

Another clap of thunder and a blinding light streaked across the sky and once again, you were clinging onto him but this time as he held your forearms, you held his.  You almost fit like pieces of a puzzle.

“Sorry.  Sorry.”  You apologized twice more and he wasn’t sure why.  If anything he should be spending the rest of his life apologizing to you.  That’s what Wayne would tell him if he knew the density of the situation between you.

“Stop saying sorry.”

“I-I’m…sorry?”  You laughed.  A breathy but genuine laugh.  His heart felt like it was going to rip itself out of his chest as he laughed with you.  Yeah.  He wanted to spend forever laughing with you.  So he would savor this moment if it was all he could get.

You released his forearms and finally moved back to your original position on the couch.  Your warmth was missing from his skin and he ached even just having been allowed that one simple pleasure for a minute or so.

“Drink this, it’ll probably make you feel better.”  For one last time, he offered you a token of his peace, a declaration that even if you still didn’t take it, he would still honor it and respect your decision.

The streetlights illuminated your face in a way that he wanted to remember for eternity.  If you were his, he’d trace his finger down the slope of your nose.  But you weren’t and you’d never be.  It was his fault and throughout all the grief he had given you, he somehow learned to fall even harder.  That was never the intention.  Truth be told, he didn’t know what the intention was.  Maybe subconsciously he was pushing you further and further away since he fully accepted he’d never have you.  A dumb concept, he knows but that’s how his brain was wired.

“Hot chocolate?”  You ask, head tilted in the most adorable way, brow raised at him in suspicion.

“What else would it be?”

“Poison.”  You joke but he doesn’t quite find it funny.  He should.  What changed?

“No.  No, not poison.”  It’s mumbled as he stands, beginning to make his way back toward the counter.  He’s stopped when your hand reaches out to grab his elbow, another clap of thunder accompanying the action which only causes your nails to dig into his skin again, a welcoming sensation.

“Why aren’t you laughing?”  You frown.  He didn’t mean to cause it but he finds ways to disappoint time after time.

“I-uh, I don’t know.”  Liar.

“Well, you can’t leave me here.”  Was this your way of saying you needed him?  Why would you ever need him?  He was the bane of your existence and you had no problem showing it until now.  Now you were being almost…sweet?  No, not quite although he couldn’t deny that you were sweet all the way around–even when you were telling him off.  Even when you were telling him how much you hated him.  You were being friendly.  Towards him.

Towards him?

He didn’t deserve that.

But who was he to say no to you?

“Okay.”  He whispers, seating himself on the opposite end of the couch, a few feet in between you for modesty.

It turned silent.  Only the golf ball sized rain drops pounding against the windows and the occasional rumble of thunder filling the gap.  You still hadn’t taken a sip of your drink and he figured you’d never accept his semblance of a peace offering.  And he was slowly learning to be okay with it.  Wasn’t quite okay with it yet but he would be.  He hopes.

And then you sipped it, letting the chocolatey goodness coat your throat and soothe your nerves.  You’d never know how big of a deal it was to him.  As you looked at him across the couch, his mouth was hung open and the ghost of a grin lingered.

“It really is poisonous isn’t it?”  You ask.

“No.”  He answers, jaw tightening.  “Why do you keep insisting that I’m going to poison you?”  

Another crash of thunder alerts you, causing you to jump involuntarily which only made the hot chocolate slosh over the side of the cup and singe the skin of your wrist.  A series of curses sputtered off of your tongue and instantly Eddie had grabbed a handful of napkins, offering them to you which you accepted right away, blotting the liquid and watching the skin turn red.

“I-I don’t think you’re going to poison me.  It’s a joke.”

“Really?”

“Yes.  Why does that bother you so much?”

A sigh falls from his lips, hand running through his lengthy curls.  He didn’t exactly know how to formulate the answer into words but he would try.

“I just–I don’t–I’m not like that.”

“Like what?  A murderer?  Eddie, I know that.  I’m just messing around.  We hate each other so it just seems fitting.”  

His eyes grow two sizes bigger and ten times softer at your statement.  His mouth runs without him even thinking but he doesn’t regret it.

“I don’t hate you.”

It takes a moment for you to respond.  You’re not as surprised as you should be but you weren’t expecting it either.

“You–you don’t?”  Your eyes dart from the beverage back to him as if working out an equation.

“No.”

“Then–then why–what do you call what we’ve been doing this whole time?”

It was a genuine question.  If he didn’t hate you then why was he constantly belittling you?  Arguing with you?  If not in the name of hatred, then what was it all for?  

“I couldn’t tell you.  I’ve been trying to understand that myself.”

His gaze faltered briefly, insecurely.  You’d never seen him with his guard down like this.  He did still have those stupid puppy dog eyes, he always had them.  But they looked especially sad tonight.  Not that you were giving in.  What exactly would you be giving in to?  Nothing.  

“Hold on.  You’re the one who started all this.  Am I just expected to tell you I don’t hate you?  Eddie, you did some seriously messed up shit–”

“I know.  I know.  Every time I see you I think about it.”  It came out strained, as if it physically pained him but what right did he have acting wounded when he was the one who inflicted pain in the first place?  You were both aware that he didn’t have that right.

“And to this day you’re still doing some seriously messed up shit like the thing with Steve?  If you don’t hate me then what the fuck was that?”

Steve.  It wasn’t clear if your bond was completely severed or hanging by a thread.  But Eddie played a part in that too and that was more pain and harm done by his hand.

“I don’t know, okay?  I keep sabotaging myself, it’s kinda the only thing I’m good at.  That’s not an excuse.  I’m just trying to make sense of it as much as you are.  All I know is that I don’t hate you.  And I fully expect you to hate my fucking guts.”

The only person he’d been sabotaging was you.  That’s how you saw it.  Your life had been on a downward spiral more so when he began showing his face recently.  And here he was declaring that he was sabotaging himself and that nothing made sense to him either.  You couldn’t buy it.  He was the cause of it all, meanwhile he wasn’t even sure of himself what the goal was.  

“Eddie.  You made me hate myself and you were okay with that.”  Tears threatened to resurface but you were able to suck them back.  It was a noticeable gesture but at least you weren’t crying again.  And his eyes only seemed to grow softer, more bambi like rather than black holes that left you uncertain.

“I was never okay with it.”  Before he continued, his mouth seemed to hesitate as he thought about what he said next.  The words get stuck on his tongue, he needs to say them but he’s struggling.  He shouldn’t be struggling because you deserve to hear what’s lingering in the back of his throat.  It’s just that he’s never been good at feelings and has never claimed to be.  Fucking this up would mean three steps backwards after he was brave enough to take that first step.  He thought of Wayne and the talk they had the previous night, hoping to find some kind of courage because ‘sorry’ was all he was trying to say but how he said it mattered the most.     “But I never made any effort to fix it or stop being an asshole and I’m sorry.”

The air was still.  Your face displayed no emotion and it was proving difficult to determine how you took to his apology.  So he rambled on.

“And the thing with Steve.”  Oh boy.  “It was nothing.  We were messing around not that that makes it any better but honestly we were just looking to get off.  Steve came to me cause there were no other dudes in town and he didn’t wanna drive all the way to Indy to find someone.  That’s it.”

That’s it?

“That makes me feel so much better.”  Sarcasm was laced in your bitter response, your eyes rolling, feeling as heavy as bowling balls before they focused on the babbling idiot on the other side of the couch again.

“Hey, I just said ‘not that it makes it any better’, didn’t I?”  It didn’t come off as mean like usual.  It came off as more…humorous.  But not at your expense.  There was no undertone of insult, not with the way the corner of his mouth raised in the most authentically Eddie way.  The way you remember from high school.  It was the little upturn of his mouth that he really only ever offered you and you were embarrassed to admit to yourself that you noticed.  But god, you hadn’t realized how much you missed that cute small dimpled smile until he just flashed it at you.  Only for you.

“So Steve is still a huge jackass?”  Maybe it was you being delusional from lack of sleep paired with the psychotic events you were being put through but you returned the same humor.  Your own tiny upturn of your lips displayed.  Only for him.  Even if he did take your heart and stomp on it right in front of you years ago.

“That’s up to you.  I’m not getting involved.”

His brows raised as he threw his hands up.  He’d caused enough chaos to last a lifetime.  

“And you’re still a huge jackass?”

“Yeah.  Yeah, I am.”  Eddie was so sure of his answer and though you were pleased with his reply, something felt achey.  

“Are you throwing a pity party?”  You tried to divert from the sting you felt, he didn’t warrant any sympathy after all and you were well out of it.  

“No.  I just really need to grow up.”  There was a desperate plea in there somewhere.  Not necessarily directed toward you but you detected it nonetheless.  

“And it took fucking Steve for that to happen?”

An unexpected decorative pillow was thrown your way, landing in your lap and you couldn’t stifle your laugh.  He was in the same boat, cheeks hurting from how wide his grin was and when you tossed the pillow back at his head, he felt his heart in his throat.  It thumped uncharacteristically hard, he could feel it in his bones.

“Shut up.  It wasn’t fucking, remember?  But yeah, I guess King Steve actually did me a favor in a way.”

“By favor do you mean…getting you off–”

“No, god no!”  The pillow was again flung into your lap, not too hard, just right as it elicited another giggle from you.  “I mean if that didn’t happen then things wouldn’t have happened the way they did.  I wouldn’t have gone and bothered my poor uncle late at night and he wouldn't have given me a stern talking to that I honestly needed.”

“Well, whatever he told you it must have worked.  You’ve been a lot less jackass-ish today.  It’s kinda weirding me out.”

Another pillow to his chest let him know that he was doing okay.  He was still the scum of the earth but he was doing okay.  The grunt he let out only made you snicker at him from underneath your hand.

“Listen, I’m not always a jackass but when I am good fucking riddance.  And I happen to only get that way with you and Steve.”

“Why?”

“I guess–I guess it’s like–well with Steve he was always in the crowd that hated us at school.  You know, the nerdy kids, all into DND.  Always acted like he was better.  Especially since he had money.”  Eddie paused, finding himself choked up as he debated his next statement.  

You couldn’t deny how pretty he looked in the glow of the orange toned street lights outside.  His side profile was something straight out of a renaissance painting, just as you’d observed before.  Your finger could delicately trail down the bridge of his nose perfectly.  You imagined.

“And with you–I-I fucked up.”  He completed his thought.

A moment passed as you sucked in a breath.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.  I was a stupid ass teenager who liked a girl so much he got cocky and ruined everything.”

Liked a girl so much.

Those aren’t the words you should be focusing on yet they’re the only ones that seem to stand out.  Were you feeding into misogyny if you kept only hanging onto the parts where he said he liked you?  You were so mixed up in so many emotions and it was hard to distinguish what you were supposed to be feeling in the moment.  

“You know, I never actually listened to what happened that night.  At least from your perspective.  I don’t know if I wanna know but we’ve got time to kill so…”  Your own form of an olive branch.  One that maybe he didn’t deserve but you’d extended it anyway.  You were feeling generous and if you really needed to, you could cut that branch.  

“I uh–okay.”  He began nervously, twisting his rings in his routine habit.  “The gist of it is that some jock bet that I couldn’t get you to talk to me and smile.”

You hummed in response, displeased.

“He said something about a hundred dollars but to be honest I didn’t pay a lot of attention.”

“Sure.”  You scoff.

“Please just—he—he just started going off about how I wouldn’t be able to do it.  And I knew I would because we had been talking for a while.  So I figured, why the fuck not?  I have reason to talk to this girl I’ve liked for so long who I know will talk to me and laugh at my jokes and I get to make an ass out of this brainless jock.  Except, uh that didn’t really happen and I ended up as the ass.”

Disappointment was evident in the way his brows knit together and how his eyes glued themselves to the ground.

“Yeah, you did.”

“And then uh–and then I didn’t stop there as you know.  You were there.  I said some mean shit.”

He paused to take a deep, thoughtful breath.  Eyes fluttering shut before reopening to meet yours again.

“I still say mean shit.  But I-uh I wanna work on it.”

“I can respect that.”

“You don’t have to.”  Before you can respond he tacks on one more detail that you were curious to see if he’d even address.  If he was man enough to bring up.  “Oh and uh—the—the whole making out with Chrissy thing.  That was a dick move.  I did it to spite you.  Which was kinda evil.  So, I’m sorry for that too.”

“I just need you to know that you really hurt me that night.  I don’t care how young we were.  It’s haunted me to this day.”  

You can’t seem to meet his eyes as you say it, fingers toying with a loose thread on your jeans.  His reply is more mature than you’d think to hear from him which only made your head snap up at his admission.

“I’ve hurt you several nights.  And I hate that I knew I hurt you and kept hurting you.  And I’m sorry.  That probably doesn’t mean much coming from me but I am.”

He’d never sounded so sincere in the time you knew him, big brown homely eyes staring at you profoundly.  But there was still a lot to unpack and you couldn’t just drop that baggage and forget about it.

“I can’t accept your apology.  Not right now anyway.  I don’t think you as a man will ever understand the fear and humiliation I felt that night.  Every boy in that room cheered you on.  I was an item to you all.  I was like some prize.  I felt like a piece of meat.”

It was true, you’d felt like a display and ever since then, relationships were something you strayed from, unable to trust another human in that way that you’re supposed to when love blossoms.

His posture straightens up and he scoots a centimeter over but never crosses the unestablished boundary that was your side of the couch, doesn’t even come close to it.

“You’re right.  I’ll never understand.  I never meant to make you feel like a prize or a piece of meat but I did and I can’t imagine how much that traumatized you.”

“It really did.  I’ve been scared of liking anyone ever since.”  You hadn’t realized you were so okay with being open about it until the words hit the air.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry.”  He winced as if he was physically in pain, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I know I can’t really undo everything but um—if you give me like–a week tops I’ll find another job that will let me work nights–”

“Eddie, I think you’re too late.”

“What?  No, no I swear I can probably–”

“Eddie.”  Your voice was so gentle, something he wasn’t deserving of, something he wasn’t expecting.  “I think we’re on the best terms we’ve ever been on since before the incident.  Don’t you think the best time to quit would’ve been when we were at each other’s throats?  You’re a little late.”

“I mean–”

“Listen, I’m not forgiving you.  But I’m not gonna make you quit your job either.  I almost quit and the stress of it probably took years off of my life.  We’ve both got bills to pay so there’s no use in wasting time on another job hunt.”

Eddie’s head was shaking in disbelief that even with all the shit he put you through, you were still being the kindest person to him.  Maybe that’s what made him fall for you the first time.  Maybe it’s what was making him fall all over again.

“I don’t get it.  You should be punching me in the face.”

“I think you’re forgetting, I said some pretty horrid things to you too.  I guess you’re not the only offender here.  You’re the biggest offender.  But not the only.”  Yet again, you were proving to be a much better person than he ever was.  He’d admit to himself that what you said to him back then stung, it stung bad.  But he wouldn’t admit that to you.  “So I’m sorry.  For calling you all those names.  And saying Steve was right about you being a lowlife.  You’re not trailer trash.”

Tears pricked at his eyes for a sliver of a second but he blinked them away before you could make any note of it.  He sniffled,  playing it off as his normal body language.

“Honestly, you don’t owe me an apology because I am those things.  So I don’t accept your apology.  Because you were just telling the truth.”  

“You’re not those things.  You know what you are though?”  You grin, glancing down to the paper cup in your hands.

“What?”

Rotating the cup to display his messy handwriting back to him, he cracks a smile.  

“Roadkill.”

~end~

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Masterlist

tags - @mmunson86 @haylaansmi @batkin028 @obscureenigmatic @micheledawn1975 @dreamerjj @hideoutside @hellfirefiend @emilyslutface @rustboxstarr @3rd-conchord @eddiessteady @lightcommastix @kittydeadbones @shadows-echoes @str4ngerthingsslut

[wonderlandleighleigh]

So its early but I'm on Tumblr, and like.

You know. Saw a post. Like you do.

And it's about appropriating Jewish mythology and symbols and terms. And there is so much "DON'T DO THAT" in the post.

But I think the post gets it a lil wrong. What we're really looking for is respect. Respect our things. Our culture. Or symbols. They're not Happy Meal toys. Make some effort.

I saw a lot of comments on the post saying that people had never met a Jewish person, and that we are "professional victims."

Well hello. I'm a Jewish person, and we've been run out of more countries than you've had hot dinners, so we're more like professionals at getting the fuck out of places where people want us dead.

Let's do an edit!

Golems: if you're going to use them in your fantasy, please treat them with respect. They're a mythological creature borne out of the desperation of a people constantly on the run from assholes trying to burn down their lives, and thought of as protective. Don't use them as a weird monster. It's easy to find the lore. Read up.

Kabbalah: is so much stranger than you know, and worth doing research on. Please be respectful if you intend to use it in a story, or even try to practice it.

If it's Hebrew and it doesn't have anything to do with Judaism...man that is a weird one. Cuz it's our religious language but also people who aren't Jewish live in Israel and speak Hebrew but this one feels funny.

The Star of David: it's not a pentagram. It's not a generic symbol. It's pretty specifically Jewish. Sometimes it gets worn by people who want us dead? Uncomfortable.

Goy: isn't considered polite but is more polite than "fuckin goy" which I sometimes use when some goy is being a terrible asshole.

Lenny Bruce had a whole bit on this one:

Gentile: less rude. You non jews are just gentiles.

Antisemitism: that funny feeling in your bones when you know someone either doesn't like you because you are Jewish (those fuckers who wear the "6 million was not enough" shirts. IE; Hitler shoulda kilt more Jews), or when someone says shit like "you guys control the banks so I bet you'll get all 7 days of Passover off soon enough." We don't control the banks. I fucking promise. We don't control shit. Whatever power white Jewish people might have is allowed by the white gentile power structure and can be easily taken away.

When the big orange goy was president, and employed Steven Miller (Jewish. A piece of shit) I used to tell people that "we'll all wind up in the same train car anyway. He's no safer from the hate than the rest of us." I'm still right.

The word Jew: context matters. "The Jews" is an easy shorthand. The Jewish People takes longer to say. One time in a bar, in Mississippi, the director of another department from work pointed at me and yelled "JEW!!!" and that felt.

Bad.

It felt bad you guys.

1. Being singled out for what you are feels bad.

2. Mississippi feels like a place you don't want to be singled out for being Jewish.

3. "Jew" often gets bent into "jewy" which is derogatory. Women were sometimes called "jewesses" which was a little like being called a witch they wanted to burn at the stake.

Probably safe bet to just say Jewish People.

We've been around a long time, but there aren't a whole of us left. But we also come in all different types. A bunch of us are white, but some of us are Black or Latinx or Asian or Middle Eastern. We don't agree on any one way of doing things and we have a lot of opinions and sometimes some dude wanders around The Rockaways in New York with a machete looking for the closest synagogue because Kanye told him we're all evil.

We are constantly on the lookout for people who don't like us because WE KEEP FINDING THEM. Like sometimes you think somebody's cool, but it turns out they think we have horns and eat white Christian baby blood.

For the record, white Christians don't season their food, so that shit is too bland. Not enough dill. We'll pass.

But yeah. Just some thoughts on my culture. Thanks for reading.

[eileenslibrary]

Keep Your Eyes Peeled

Episode 4: Files, Family, Friends, And Records

Wriothesley x NB! Reader

Warnings: Grieving, OOC Wriothesley, Murder, Crimes, Terrible People

You look at the newspaper Charlotte forced into your hands before chasing after the strange man “I spoke with the duke” you mumble looking at the photo “How could I be so dumb” you whisper walking back onto the Aqua Bus.

Ding!

“Madam and Sir Dumas have arrived Master” you hear George speak through the door “Please tell them I’ll be down in a moment, also prepare some tea and crumpets” you speak powdering your face and clipping on your pearl jewelry, you look in the mirror, long black pants with a gold belt, a white scruffed blouse, a black vest, a pearl necklace, a pair of pearl earrings, and a black hat to finish off the look. You take in a deep breath and open your bedroom door, you look over the stair railing and see Claude’s parents huddled on the couch sniffling you hear Mrs. Dumas “I can’t believe he’s gone” Your heart squeezes at the pain in her voice, you take one more breath and make your way downstairs “Good morning Mrs. Mr. Dumas” you bow slightly in respect for them “Oh sweetheart” Claude’s mom Angelina sobs quickly standing and pulling you into a hug, you quickly reciprocate “This must be twice as hard for you, y-your brother” she sobs into your shoulder, you are at a loss for words you expected to be screamed and shamed for your brother, you never really got to know Claude’s parents because they were always out on business but when you met them at first they were cold and quiet, but you feel so much better knowing they don’t hate you. “Angelina I think Mx. Vincent is getting quite uncomfortable” Claude’s father Charles sighs looking at you both “Yes yes, sorry dear” She quickly steps back and sits back on the couch “I think it’s time we discuss” you hum sitting on the armchair. 

“I have gotten a permit to meet with Wriothesley of the Fortress of Meropide to review my brother's past files and crimes. I will also gather information on Lady Lucia, Sir La’Cron, Lady Sirene, and Miss Ruby. There has to be something on them all, I will make sure Claude’s murder is not forgotten.” You stand placing your hand over your heart, eyes full of determination, Claude’s parents look at you in surprise and awe “Claude truly chose the right one” Charles sniffles bringing his pocket square to his nose as tears gather at the corners of his eyes. Angelina nods fighting back a sob as she brings her gloved hands to her face. You hold back tears of your own “I think it’s about time we eat lunch” George kicks in saving all of you from crying “That’s a splendid idea, George” You stand up and call for someone to clear the table and set up the dining room for all of you. 

Two days passed.

You take in a deep breath standing at the entrance of the fortress, two guards stand next to you, you watch the elevator doors open and shakily walk inside “Will you be alright Mx. Vincent?” one of the guards asks “Yes, just a bit intimidated is all” you clasp your hands behind your back fidgeting with your ring, you still adorn, it’s one of the last things you have of him, you packed his clothes so his parents can choose what to do with it you kept his favorite pair of gloves as well and you wear them now to give you some extra strength to get through the day. 

The doors of the second elevator leading down to the main floor open and you look up, a certain stranger stands there a bit wide-eyed ‘Nuevillette must not have warned him’ you think a smirk playing on your lips slightly “Hello again Duke” you tease stepping out of the lift. His eyes relax and he speaks “How may I help you Mx. Vincent?” he puts one of his hands in his pockets “I need to look at some files and crime records is all” You hum handing him the permit. His blue eyes scan the page he mumbles something under his breath that looked a lot like ‘Fuck’ You look at him expectantly he sighs “Follow me then” he starts walking, and you quickly follow “Didn’t expect to see me so soon did you?” you ask quietly “I guess you could say that, let me guess you’re here because of your brother” he inquires “Exactomundo, I need to get into his crime record as well as a few others” you answer. 

He opens the large doors of his office, and you both make your way up the stairs, he leads you to the bookshelf and presses upon one of the books, you watch as a door is revealed beside the bookshelf “After you.” He insists and you hesitantly walk into the room, you look around and see large shelves full of drawers which you guess are filled with records and files “Follow me” Wriothesley hums walking farther into the room “What names do you need to be searched” “Lucia Abrigens, Ruby Grabiels, La’Cron Joel, and Sirene Reinhardt, Dominique Vincent, is this even legal?” You ask “You’re not in Fontaine anymore, welcome to the underworld where rules can be stretched. Plus I would like to see these crooks' crimes be brought to light” he leads you to the letter A “Connie Ariels, Karry Amlie, Lucia Abrigens right here” He grabs a rolling ladder next to the drawers climbing up it, he pulls out a large stack of files “Be ready to catch!” Wriothesley warns you to extend your hands so he can throw half of the stack in your arms. He throws the manilla folders down into your arms, steps down from the ladder, and plops the other half of the folders into your arms “Put those on my desk, I will grab the other ones” You make your way back to his desk putting the stack on the desk, he comes back in with a smaller stack “Ruby Gabriels right here” “Thanks sir” you walk back into the room “Y’know you can call me by my name” he follows after you watching you walk to the J section “I need another reminder” you joke reading the names and bending down to open the drawer for La’Cron he sighs his gaze falling to you “How long do you have until the trial?”  “Ten days, Monsieur Nuevillette gave me extra days to gather evidence and let Claude's parents settle in so they aren’t startled, I mean they just found out their son was killed by his Fiance’s brother now they have to be a part of a trial with their son's murderer.”

 You sigh hauling the stack over to his desk he follows holding Sirene’s files, it is a very big stack “Holy shit, just how many crimes did she commit” You gawk at the amount, “One too many, but what can you expect from people like them.” “Would you like to do the honors?” Wriothesley questions in a joking tone trying to lift the mood “I would actually” you huff in amusement “Lead the way” he chuckles motioning for you to go back into the room. You find it quickly “Need the ladder?” he inquires rolling it towards you. Wrio stands beside you offering you a hand up, you grab onto his forearm and hop up climbing to the second last step, you open the cabinet and pull out his files and records you hear Wriothesley whistle lowly “That’s a lot of records and files” “Yeah tell me about it” you huff “Can I have some help?” you chuckle nervously “Yeah, comin’ up” Wriothesley steps onto the first four steps of the ladder and takes half of the files “Thanks Wriothesley” he nods stepping off the ladder balancing the stack on one of his hands and holds out the other as you come down the ladder, he grabs your arm when you get low enough “Careful” he says helping you off of the last step “Thanks” You smile at him walking back into his office and putting the stacks on the desk. “What now? We just spent fifteen minutes collecting these files.” “Now I go through about 500 or so files in ten days” You place your head on his desk sighing “Better start now I guess” You huff sitting back up.

Six hours passed.

Tick

Tick

Tick. . .

“Four hundred and fifty left” You huff “Thank you again, Wriothesley for letting me stay here so I can get all the proof I need” he looks up from his papers a pair of silver reading glasses hanging on the bridge of his nose “As I said, I want to see these crooks get what’s comin' for ‘em” he looks at the clock “It is quite late how about you head to bed, I’ll be in here working come and get me if you need anything” he stretches stands up and turns towards the wolf insignia on his wall he hits a latch and pulls back the metal plate and reveals a nice bedroom with a small cot set up for you with some soft blankets to keep the cold out. “I was thinking the same actually, I guess I’ll see you in the morning” You step past him and into his room, you slink to the cot and slip off your vest, hat, and shoes, you slide under the blankets and close your eyes.

.

.

.

[sarahivess]

WARNING: LONG RANT AND EXPLANATION

I feel like I have to stand up for myself now when I’ve seen the way some of the people in this fandom have been spreading rumors about me on Twitter.

I’m going to take this from the beginning.

//

In November, I was kinda new on Twitter. I remember seeing a tweet in my feed, it said “Let Robin say lesbian in season 5” and to me, who lives in Sweden, the word lesbian isn’t a very “bad” word. It’s actually a very common and normal word here, and we have a bunch of movies and tv-shows when lesbian girls and women simply say: I’m lesbian! So to me, I had NO IDEA that in the US, it’s seen as a “bad” word and that’s why the fans wanted her to verbally say it. I totally get that now, but I wasn’t aware back then. Silly me then made a comment, because a very cute and funny little moment popped up in my head and I felt like: AH I need to write this. It was something along with:

“Or gay, because imagine how cute it would be if Will came out as gay, and Robin would say “I’m gay too”, and then a stunned Dustin (or someone) would say “Okay, so while we’re at it - does anyone else want to come out of the closet?” And then Mike slowly raises his hand.”

I didn’t think much more about it, and the next time I logged into Twitter I had gotten like 50 qrts with: LOADS of death threats, gifs with people murdering people, people calling me lesbophobe, people mocking my grammar, my age, people saying weird things to me about Will etc. I was in such shock, I deleted the tweet right away and had a panic attack. What the hell just happened? How did that made me a lesbophobe? I’m bisexual myself, and I LOVE lesbians. I have also a bunch of wlw ships that I love. But all that shit just because I didn’t know that the word lesbian was very uncommon for americans to say in American media and how they wanted to change that.

Anyways, I deactivated my Twitter because all these horrible rumors about me triggered my suicidal thoughts (I suffer from depression), I made a new one and people figured me out right away so I changed alias and pfp/header but people still figured out it was me.

I blocked every single toxic person I came across, a few months passed and one day I was on Twitter again. This time, it was about an analysis of a scene in Stranger Things. Me and an iconic Byler here on tumblr were analysing the scene when everyone says goodbye at the end of season 3. First, Mike looked uncomfortable af when El kissed him, and later on he looked uncomfortable when she was close to him, hugging and touching and making a forehead touch. In one of the gifs, to ME it looked like the hand movement from El was kinda harsh when they made that forehead touch and I just couldn’t understand how people thought it was cute. It was a personal opinion and just a harmless analysis. Both me and this other person were also saying “Nothing against El though, she’s a kid, but I guess if the roles were reversed - if Mike would be the one to kiss El with her not kissing back, with open eyes, looking uncomfortable and shocked, I guess people would have accused him for SA or something. Not that we did, but we know that it would look a lot more bad if Mike was the one who kissed her and not vice versa simply because of the statistics. WE NEVER ACCUSED EL FOR SA. We both love her and she’s my favorite female character in the show. I just don’t like the SHIP Mlvn and I didn’t get how people thought that scene was cute. It was simply an analysis, nothing more. Not an accusation. Not a hate post. That post had over 200 likes and LOADS of reblogs with people who thought the same. But still only me and my friend were attacked. That also lead to ANOTHER accusation: of me being antisemitic. Why?

In year 2006, I first started my YouTube channel. I was very interested in learning how to edit, so thanks to tutorials I learned by myself how to edit. I was 14 years old when I read Anne Frank’s diary for the first time and I saw so much of myself in her. I also loved the way she described her relationship with Peter in the diary, so I watched “Anne Frank: The Whole Story” from 2001 and thanks to my family I could get that movie on my computer so I could make tribute videos of her since she inspired me so much, to never give up on my dreams and to ALWAYS follow my heart and believe that every person is truly good at heart. I made my own trailer for the movie, because there was none to be found on YouTube. My edits became very popular for being back in 2007, and soon loads of people found them. 90% was so happy I made these tributes, that I let the memory of her and all the people who tragically was murdered by the nazi’s back in the 30/40’s live on. But there was also a bunch of REAL antisemitics who called Anne a bunch of horrible stuff in the comments, people who claimed the holocaust never happened etc and I was defending her and the other victims for dear life. I was so proud of my edits, like I said: I was 14 years old and she was my biggest inspiration. My parents also watched these and they didn’t think they were problematic in any way so of course I trusted them and their moral.

And yes, I also made two tribute edits of her and Peter (I didn’t even knew about the term “shipping” back then) but this person on Twitter said I was making “ship edits” about Anne Frank. I have made all of my old videos private now, mostly because of the bad quality but also because of this person who now made me embarrassed of them instead. I wouldn’t make these edits today. Here’s a glimpse of one of them:

Is this antisemitic in any way?

Anyways, because of this person + a lot of others, this made me and my friend to eventually deactivate our tumblr accounts. I hade SO much going on in my personal life back then too, so this was just too much. They found out things about my family situation and that made me freak out, I was threatening them with the cops just because they were attacking and stalking me and my family on a personal level. They were harassing me on TikTok. On DM. On Twitter. People were leaving me and I felt like shit. Luckily there was a bunch who still were standing by my side through all of this and I am SO grateful for you all. Never forget that, you guys made me come back here.

Also, now when one of my tweets became popular on Twitter, of COURSE these people found me and started spreading these rumors again. I found that out from some of my friends here, sending me ss.

I just can’t fucking believe these people. All because of a silly little tweet which ended up in a total DISASTER.

End of rant. I hope at lease some of you understand.

[og-danny-dorito]

Can I have a short fic or headcanons of Hellboy and his elvish girlfriend?

A/N: heyo!! of course! i'm sorry for responding so late, and i wanted to warn you that this turned out to be more of me describing how the reader and hellboy got together more than as his girlfriend. i used the elves from the movie as a reference, but if you meant in the traditional fantasy sense please let me know and i can change the wording around to fix it. i also went a little haywire with this one since the creative caveman brain was just off the rails today so i apologize for that. i hope you enjoy regardless though!! sorry again for the length and also the weird second divisions, tumblr on laptop has a weird character limit rule now ^^;

[ CATEGORY ]: SFW

Hellboy With An Elvish! Girlfriend

CW: long post, feminine reader (warning for those who are uncomfortable or dysphoric with feminine descriptions or connotations)

TW: parental death, discrimination

honestly?? no hate to liz i love her dearly but i genuinely think someone who looks physically different would be the best for him

not for attractiveness' sake but because they would understand more of what its like to feel the way he does

i mean if you've grown up almost entirely with other elves in Bethmora, then you probably won't have a lot of experience with trying to blend in but for the sake of the post we'll go with the timeline where you were cast out from a young age and had to live alongside humans

your parents had told you of a distant past where humans and mythos lived alongside one another in harmony, undisturbed by things like environmental disease and pollution

but greed overtook humans, leaving the remains of the mythos' culture scattered and torn, just like your family

once your parents passed away you were cast out for wanting to live outside of Bethmora since your parents made it clear that while human beings were capable of great evil, they were equally as capable of great good. you didn't want to give up on them just yet.

but time hardened you, and so did hiding yourself from the outside world. living in underground the city amongst those who understood the struggle of not feeling like you fit in was comforting enough for you to get by without the embarrassment of going back “home”, but your specific set of expiriences made it hard for you to really connect with others once you became an adult

that was, until you met him.

when you first see him, hellboy is scary. he's tall, big, and this deep shade of red that reminds you of the feeling of rage and power. its something that makes you cower in spot when he walks up, gun firm at his hip as he... asks for directions

right. okay. directions.

you grew up here, so you know your way around pretty well, but he makes it kind of hard to think straight with all his staring. he probably thinks you look funny if you're being honest, but you try to ignore it as you bring him over to a lone vendor at the end of the street

he's kind of... brash. from what you can tell. the entire walk there was silent but he seems to have plenty of words for the vendor who honestly can't understand a word he's saying

you can tell they're both getting more aggravated by the second so, in a moment of clarity you offer to translate

the language, though complex and mostly lost to time and lack of native speakers, rolls easily off your tongue as you explain what he's looking for

living around these parts meant you picked up a lot of languages in your time, so acting as this weird strangers translator isn’t that much of a problem for you. it lessens the chance of blood being spilt, anyways

it doesn't take you long to get him the information he needs (more directions it seems, but not for any place or thing you know about)

he's quiet for a second after you translate, staring down at you with a steely but... bemused look? curious? you can't really tell in the dim lighting, but before you can open your mouth to break the uncomfortable silence, he speaks

"You ever consider working for the government?"

and the rest is history. it didn't take you long to move into your own room at the BPRD, where you met a few of Hellboy's (tall red guy, he was astronomically less scary than you thought he was once you got to know him) coworkers including Abe, a friendly blue fish guy that was more than fascinated with your life stories. you almost felt bad for him for being stuck in a tank most of his life, he would’ve been an excellent traveling buddy

but anyway Hellboy was, as previously stated, a lot less scary than you originally thought him to be. sure he was tall and imposing and could most definitley rip someones limbs off if he wanted to, but he also liked old human music bands like Motley Crue and Queen. he also, to your surprise, had a VERY strong affinity for cats

needless to say the two of you become close over a very short period of time. having your rooms be next to each other certainly made running into each other a lot easier, but if you were being honest knowing him is the first time you ever really felt like someone... got it

certain feelings, certain struggles and pains you thought you faced alone were shared by him, more deeply than a way you ever thought possible. being hated for your appearance and heritage was something he knew all too well, and never feeling like you ever truly knew where you came from was one of the many things both of you had long, drawn out talks over

it was only a matter of time before you began to feel more than just... friendly feelings for him. it was just approaching them that was the issue

but thankfully you wouldn't have to considering he accidentally told on himself while he was drunk LMAO

like obviously he tried to play it off like he totally didn't remember what he said the next morning even though he was nuzzled into your shoulder while hugging you and telling you how much of a coward he felt like for just not being able to say that he wanted you ("I feel like shit, Y/n." "Why...?" "I'm such- I'm such a fucking wimp. I can't even say I like you. Do you know how that feels, too?" "A little too well, Red.")

but after hearing from abe how upset you were about him pretending to not know about it he called you to his room once he knew you were settled down for the day to talk

you obviously assumed the worst considering you were pretty sure he was going to turn you down, expecting something along the lines of "it wasn't meant for you" or "i can only ever see you as a friend"

preparing yourself for the dissapointment makes it a lot easier, but as soon as you walked in and saw him dejectedly sitting on the dge of his bed like a child in trouble, you knew something wasn't like you predicted

his face is a little more red than it usually is (hard to tell, but you can tell he's embarrassed by the fact that he won't hold eye contact. that or he's ashamed of himself.), and he pats space next to him

you sit down gently so as not to freak him out, and he takes the lead with the conversation by apologizing

"I'm uh- really sorry for last night. I didn't mean to-"

but you stop him, a small smile on your face as you place a hand on his admittedly too-large bicep. its hard not to feel small next to him sometimes, but it doesnt help the hurt in your heart as you look up at him

"Red- honey. It's okay. I know it wasn't meant for me."

there's a pause.

"Huh?"

"I know it wasn't meant for me. It's okay, I'm not angry with you."

"Wh- No. It WAS meant for you."

you shake your head a little bit. it's getting hard to hold back tears. you always hated that about yourself- being so emotional made it difficult to keep it together in sensitive times like these

"You don't need to lie to me, I'm not going to take it pers-"

"No Y/n, you don't understand. I am in love with you."

oh.

OH.

oh god, you feel kind of stupid. i mean it takes a second to actually sink in but god he was actually in love with you? so you weren't like, hung up over someone who would never want you back??

admittedly you almost don't believe him, thinking it to be some kind of cruel joke at your expense, but the desperate, confused look in his eyes is enough to give it away; he's not lying, and he never would. not about this. not to you.

your stunned silence goes unnoticed to you and, before you can process it, it looks like his face is dropping in realization. he's under the impression you don't like him back or something insane like that.

"Oh. I uh- forget it."

"WH- No no wait! Sorry I just needed a second to process. I like you too!! I just- I couldn't really believe it? I mean I just- I didn't think you'd ever like me back. Ever. It's just a lot to take in."

"Oh. Got it."

you two fucking dorks just kinda like?? sit there for a second before you finally look back at him. once the information has finally sunk in you smile at him, all wide and toothy as you place your hands on his own in his lap. he's still blushing, but it flares up again once he realizes how close you are

"Does this mean we're a thing now?"

you swear you feel the room get warmer just from the blood rushing to his face alone. but he's smiling a little bit!! that's more than you've seen him smile at like.. anything. it makes you smile in turn and, as the night goes on, things return mostly to normal

its rocky at first considering neither of you really know what to do, but if there's one thing you two are good at its communication

having a long standing friendship means that you already trust each other fairly deeply, so talking through things isn't nearly as hard as it normally would be. he feels comfortable enough to share his insecurities with you, so talking to you about other things is so much easier for him

in turn, you do the same. your relationship is built on trust and understanding, and the two of you are almost made for each other. you've gone through the most same struggles and pain trying to blend in in a world that doesn't feel like it was meant for you, and although your issues are unique to you as individuals it means a lot to both him and you to have someone that knows what being so different feels like

but aside from all the super deep stuff that builds the fundamentals of your relationships you also focus on the simple things too!! like for instance he LOVES the fact that you're smaller than him because he can quite literally just pick you up and carry you around if he wants to

he already did that shit normally but if you think you aren't getting picked up and taken away in the middle of a conversation with someone you are GREATLY mistaken. not paying attention to him? took. he wants you to see this cool thing he thought you'd like but you're too invested in paperwork? took. you will get Took and he will ignore your complaints about it (unless you really hate it then he'll apologize and put you down ofc)

if you like to do your makeup you bet your ass he'll watch you the whole time. he won't admit that he wants to try on some lipgloss but when you finally get him to say it he'll say something stupid and suave like "Well kiss me then." and wait for you to share 🙄

if you try to take his clothes to wear them anywhere except to sleep he will try on your clothes

he ripped your shirt one time trying to fit it over his chest and when you said his boobs were too big he covered his chest like an embarrassed maiden LMAO

it goes without saying but he likes to act like he's tough and shit with his beers and big hammer hand but as soon as you're around he can't keep up his hardass front anymore. it gets SO difficult to not laugh when you make jokes that you know he'll find funny but a good portion of your relationship is him acting all tough and manly and you just showing up and him relaxing instantly

Thank You For Reading!! :]

© ogdannydorito 2023; reblogs are greatly appreciated! do not repost, republish, or generally plagiarize any of my works without permission. translations welcome with proper credit.

[ytatr]

would you be the right person?

pairing; Hyunjin x fem reader.

summary; The moment you met Hyunjin in a completely random place, what you didn't imagine was that he could make a big difference in your life in any way possible. It is that at every moment Hyunjin proved to be the right person for you.

genre; fluff, soulmates, strangers to lovers, anguish(it's light thing).

words; 2812.

a/c; (Yeah, I don't even know where to start. But I'm finally back, I'm back to shake you guys up lol, but that's literally it. I've been planning to start a series for almost a month now. I finally posted the first part, the idea of starting this was because of a thought I had in the middle of the night. I just kept thinking about it, I was dying to write something about it. I'm excited for it, just writing this first part already made me a little bit excited lol. You'll understand me... That's all I wanted to make clear, I just thank you for living the same era as Hyunjin 🥰👌🏻.

Ok, I've stopped fooling around, I hope you guys like this beginning. I swear things will only get better (hopefully). Well, when you're done reading please give me your feedback, I need to know if I'm going to continue with this. I'll thank you in advance. (If you have a suggestion, tell me, I'd love to know what you think) )

You cursed softly, trying to get past the people who occupied most of the small venue.

"Oh, excuse me. Please" You tried to speak loudly, to the girl in front of you, since the music playing in the place was extremely loud, you were going to try again. Then you saw the girl looking at you. Soon she was giving you some room to pass. You nodded your head in thanks. It was hard to walk through a place full of people, oh how you hated parties.

You left the main room trying to find a quieter place. Or rather, you were trying to find your friend, Minho.

It had been a while since he had left you there alone, the only thing he said to you at the moment was that he was going to get a drink, but he would be back soon. But it had been minutes since he had left... where was he? You thought to yourself.

You kept walking around the house still looking for a place where you feel at least "comfortable. Yeah, maybe you're sorry you ever agreed to go out with him. You swear that if regret could kill you, you'd be lying unconscious on the floor.

But Minho had a part in it, he insisted so much that you ended up going, if it wasn't for him, you surely wouldn't have set foot here. It was always like this, ever since you started your friendship with Minho, he has been dragging you to all the parties in town.

You had nothing against that, he was always trying to fit you into that vibe. But the thing is that you're not always interested in that. You would like to go out with him, but your vibe is something calmer and more peaceful.

The party was just as you imagined, drunk people, people kissing, random challenges, upbeat music. You tried to enjoy it, but no, it was just your vibe, you really preferred to stay at home, enjoying your only downtime. Watching a movie, a series, or even a dorama.

The only thing you wanted at the moment was to go home, take off the uncomfortable clothes you were wearing, take off your high heels, and lie down on your bed. You kept walking through the house, until you reached another part of the place, where you spotted a large sign written "drinks here".

You moved closer to the place, your eyes soon spotted a person with blue hair, the person was leaning on the bar counter. You wondered who it was, there was your chance to ask about Minho.

You hastened your steps, making your way over to the boy. "Hey, Jisung" You called to the boy, lightly touching his shoulder. At the same instant, he turned in the direction you were standing. He looked slightly surprised, immediately arching his eyebrow.

"Hi, Y/n. Did something happen?" Jisung asked, he tilted his head, trying to show you a slight smile.

"No, no" You immediately denied it by shaking your head. "I just wanted to ask, have you seen Minho around here?" You questioned, looking around the place again trying to find any sign of Minho.

Your gaze returned to the boy in front of you. You could clearly see Jisung's expression.

He bit his lower lip, bowing his head gently. "Look, I had seen him a few minutes ago. I think he might still be here, near the bar." He explained, using his hand, pointing to a random part of the bar.

You blinked slowly, it would be hard to find Minho at this party. He was so excited, but oh well. Now you're lost, and you really hope you find him quickly.

"Thanks, I'll look for him later. I think I'll have a drink" You pointed with your head directly at the bar, smiling softly.

"Sure, make yourself at home, we have drinks to brighten our lives a bit" Jisung laughed, running his hand through his hair.

"Well, do you want to accompany me?" You asked, still looking at the boy. You didn't even expect to do this, but somehow you wanted to keep the conversation going Or try to distract yourself.

"I really would accept, but unfortunately I can't. I have to sort some things out" Jisung said. "But if you want, then you can stop by the karaoke room afterwards. I'll be there later." Jisung explained, flashing a pleasant smile.

"Thanks, I'll see if I'll go over there later. That is if I find Minho" You smiled disguisedly, leaning on the counter. Wondering if you would actually go to karaoke, but nothing was confirmed.

As Jisung walked away, you called the bartender to order a drink. Since you were there, right. It turned out that you ordered a simple drink, a margarita. You didn't want to wake up the next day with a headache making your life hell. Not least because you had to work tomorrow.

You expected your drink to be ready quickly, you decided to take a closer look at the place, and luckily there weren't many people around. Most of the people were in the clubbing part. Scattered around the other parts of the house.

That was until his eyes stopped on a scene, or rather. On a boy, who was on the other side of the room. But it wasn't even that he caught your attention, what caught your attention was his looks, the clothes he was wearing. Especially his red hair, oh how you loved red. It could be a "simple" color. But on him, it looked so good, it was a color that stood out.

The boy's hair was close to his neck, and it was beautiful. The red was already vibrant, but it was made even more so by the contrast of the lights.

Your eyes went to the shirt he was wearing, you forced your gaze to try to read what was written. "Hotter than your ex, better than your next". Well, you certainly don't expect that. Better than your next? You don't know that for sure. But you are sure that he is hotter than your ex.

You shook your head while mentally scolding yourself. You shouldn't be thinking that about a stranger, it was something that wouldn't make sense. You had seen many people, but nothing had shaken you as much as he had.

Her eyes returned to their main focus, on the boy's face. That was until his gaze met yours, damn it. His eyes meet yours, you could see clearly. Their eyes were deep, there was a mystery in them.

You were caught looking at him, you didn't know where to put your face, how to disguise it? You felt your face turning red, you knew he might notice your nervousness. It was at the moment, he smiled at you. You expected everything but that.

When he smiled, you noticed something. There was something shining on his lower lip, was it a jewel? Or rather, a piercing. Even if you think it is unnecessary to kiss a stranger, you would definitely kiss him. No matter if it is a stranger, you would do anything to feel his lips against yours.

Just to feel the cold metal on his skin as he kissed your neck.

What the hell was happening to you?

You shivered when you felt an arm around your shoulder." Hey, kitten, were you looking for me?" Minho spoke as he smiled at you. You could tell just by his voice that he was a little altered.

"Minho..., I was worried about you" You explained, straightening your posture by turning towards the direction he was standing. Trying to smile disguisedly.

"You didn't have to stay, angel. I'm here now" Minho spoke sweetly, leaving a quiet kiss on your forehead. At the same instant he turned away from you, quickly taking your hand. Pulling you out of that place.

The sun was beating against his window curtain, but to his bad luck. You had a part of your window that was without the protection of the curtain, a small gap. It made the sunlight beat against your face. Groaning, you turn to the other side of the bed, trying to deflect the light.

You ran your hand over your eyes, opening them calmly, trying to accustom your vision against the lights that lightly illuminated your room.

The first image that comes to your eyes are of your clock hanging on your wall. You hurriedly raised your body, sitting up in bed, you were totally late for your work.

You place your hand on your forehead, remembering yesterday's moments at the party. Oh, how you regret certain things, your actions. But the image of the boy with the red hair comes to your mind. You ask yourself, who is he? What does he do with his life? Does he have someone? Is it because just the thought of this possibility makes you anxious?

You grumble, while making circular movements on your temples, trying to reduce your headache. Maybe you hate Minho, because he made you come home at two o'clock in the morning.

You walked quickly through the streets, trying to get to the flower store where you worked, arriving at the place, you pushed the door causing the store bell to ring. You walked through the small space, finding it strange how silent it was.

You stopped in front of the counter, sighing. Immediately, the smells of the flowers present there. They came to your nose, the smell soothing to you, the sweet, soft smell. Oh, how you loved flowers. You felt good, in this place. It was something you always loved.

Your attention returned to the scene, you arched an eyebrow, slightly confused, as you made your way to the back room. You approached by opening the door, soon entering the small room. It was empty, but Sana had probably been here before.

You looked around you for some paper, leaving your bag on the table next to you. Immediately your eyes identified a pink sticky paper, which was taped to the wall.

You picked up the paper right away reading what was written.

"Hey, I'm probably taking a chance, in leaving the store empty, haha. But I know when you arrive I won't be there anymore, so this is just as a warning. I went to buy a coffee, and I'll be right back." -Sana

You nodded in agreement, thinking to yourself, she was probably already on her way back to the store. The cafeteria was not far from the flower shop, it was only a matter of minutes.

You blew the coffee, that was in the cup, then brought the cup to your mouth. Taking a small amount of the liquid.

"I told you, nothing much happened at that party"

You justified yourself, superficially shaking the glass that was in your hand. Distracted by the mixed liquid.

Sana leaned on the counter" Yes, of course. I know, but now tell me. Did Minho do anything? Did he have any movement?"

" What? No, no, what are you talking about?" You questioned.

You knew exactly what she was talking about, Sana had been saying for ages that Minho was into you, but you always denied it, it was something that made no sense to you. It was just a good friendship, you would bet on it.

" Y/n, you know very well what I am talking about, he may have even made a move. But the way you are, you didn't even notice." Sana explained, moving her head negatively.

You wouldn't deny, Minho was very handsome, it was something you could easily tell. He was a lovely person, deserving of everything good. But he wasn't your type, in fact, you don't even know what your type is.

"Sana, I don't even know where you see that. Never would Minho have feelings for me" You said, as you drank some more of your coffee.

"He can feel horny, every time I am with the two of you at a party. I can tell that he always eats you by your eyes." Sana stared at you, she said this with such certainty. That's when you started to question everything.

You laughed while pretending to be convinced. "Lucky for me, I'll pretend to believe you." You said ironically.

Sana shrugged when she realized his irony. " Well, then don't tell me I didn't warn you. When he comes at you with everything..." Sana's voice was interrupted, as the sound of the bell spread through the store. Realizing the company of another person, it was a middle-aged password. You looked at Sana tilting your head slightly, as you arranged your position.

"You can take care of it for me, Please?" Sana whispered, as she gave him a smile.

" Oh, sure. No problem" You shook your head, returning a friendly smile. Sana looked up quickly, nodding to you in appreciation. Then, walking away from you, heading to the back room.

You threw your empty plastic cup into the trash next to the counter. Then you approached the lady.

" Excuse me, how can I help you?" You said quietly, with your hands behind your back.

The lady turned toward you, nodding positively. "Do you have a flower called peony? It is a pink flower. It's a very delicate flower, and beautiful." The lady described the flower, while looking at the other flowers in the store.

" I believe we do, let me see" You murmured, walking around a part of the place. In the same instant, your eyes recognized the flower. You picked up a branch of peony.

" Look here it is, ma'am" You showed the flower that was in your hand, speaking louder as you approach her.

The lady's gaze went to her hand, looking intently at the peony. "Oh, that's the flower I've been wanting. Thank you, dear" The lady hummed taking the flower, giving you a smile.

"Oh, that's nice, that's a very beautiful flower indeed..." You commented excitedly, you spoke to yourself. Since your voice was low.

" Yes, really. But, like this. Can I look at your hand? It's a quick one." The lady threw the question out of nowhere, looking at you. You could see her eyes shining.

You arched your eyebrow, slightly unsure and confused about the lady's question. But with much insistence, you ended up showing the palm of your hand.

"Of course, no problem." You showed the palm of your hand. You tried, but your voice came out shaky, what was going on? Is it because this is all so strange to you? You were curious and afraid at the same time, it was a mixture of feelings.

Even you yourself didn't understand why you had accepted so easily to show your hand. You could deny it, it was a normal thing to deny it. Exactly in these situations.

His attention returned to the moment, when the lady cleared her throat. "Oh, girl. Do you see that? You're an amazing person, you're going to have an interesting future." The lady analyzed every trace of her hand, as if she knew what she was doing.

" Can you continue?" You asked.

The lady arched her eyebrow, slightly. The expression on her face was different, you couldn't tell if it was something good or something bad.

" Hmm, there is something that is going to happen in your love life. Something that will really change your life. I can tell that's even soul mate stuff, even from past lives. But take it easy, there may be people who will try to interfere. But in the end it will all work out, love is stronger than anything. " The lady continued to spit out the words, while you were trying to process all that. It was a lot of information for one person.

" Who is he? Do I know him? " You had so many questions, for just one subject. No, you didn't really believe in such things. But still the curiosity was in you.

The lady looked pitifully at you, while denying with her head.

" I really can't speak, but I feel that you have "seen" him. He may be a stranger now, but when you see him. You'll feel like you know him. But that's because you had already met him in the past, rest assured. He is already on your path, he will arrive with everything, it is an infinite and intense love. You will feel something you've never felt before in this life. " The lady spoke, stroking your hand, trying to comfort you.

You blinked slowly, swallowing dryly. Is it because you feel emotional? Is it with longing for something you haven't even experienced yet?

Is it again, what the hell just happened?

[propheciesanddreams]

a little writing for you

They never tell you how unsettling it is to be a stranger to your own brother. Here’s someone you feel that you’re supposed to have some connection with. You remember them, with baby fat still clinging to their cheeks, and you remember their favourite toys, and the song that made them smile every time they heard it. Then you look at them as an adult and you know nothing about them. What’s their favourite colour? What type of music do they listen to? Do they hate me? 

That last question, that's the one that haunts Sirius the most. Glancing back up at the stranger in front of him, he swallows down his fear and tries not to see his mother in his brother's eyes and in his cheekbones and most of all in his frown. The one that is full of resentment and judgement, and he tries with all his might not to fall back into that space. Sirius tries not to feel five again, or ten, or twelve, or worst of all, sixteen. He tries not to remember when Regulus' sweet chubby-cheeked smile became the grimace they only associated with Maman. 

"Hello, Sirius." Regulus speaks first, curt but respectable all the same. 

"Hey." Sirius responds, his voice a bit unsure and then, "it's been a long time." What a foolish thing to say. 

"Ten years." Regulus says it as though he still remembers that day, an odd thing that. 

They stand in silence for only a moment before the toddler at Sirius' feet grows impatient and whines. 

Regulus doesn't ask, no, he's been taught to be polite and to be polite you don't bring up uncomfortable topics such as this. Sirius was once taught that, he's long since forgotten. 

"Teddy." He gestures to the toddler now pulling at his arm and muttering something about getting ice cream which Sirius swears was never brought up but knows instantly he will be talked into. 

"He's…" Sirius pauses on how to explain best who Teddy is to him, "my stepson I suppose you could say." 

Confusion crosses Regulus' brow but again he does not ask out of politeness. Sirius doesn't get a chance to explain because at that moment they're reunited with Teddy's dad, who comes up besides Sirius, throwing an arm around his waist and prattling on before he registers the stranger… the family… the person before them. The weight and warmth of his side is welcome against Sirius, dulling the shock, as Remus leans on him. He didn't bring his walking stick and now he's feeling weak. Were Sirius in a better mood, he'd chastise him for it. 

"They didn't have it, but the owner was so kind he said they'd order it for me by Wednesday and then gave me some recommendations for a few other books I might enjoy and– oh. Hi." 

"Hello, Lupin." Regulus replies, again he's terse but not unkind. 

"Right, well, we had better be off. You know, little ones." Sirius gestures to Teddy now seconds away from a proper tantrum even though he knows full well that Regulus does not and would have no reason to know the nature of toddlers. 

"It was good to see you." Sirius adds, Remus nods his agreement to the statement. 

"And to see you." Regulus replies, politely. 

Sirius doesn't know why he does it. They've exchanged the proper pleasantries. They've said what was needed and expected of them. It has been ten long fucking years. A lot of time in therapy and far too many cigarettes smoked over the balcony after midnight. Too much has passed for him to look back. So he isn't sure what makes him turn around then but he does. 

"Come to dinner. We're having–well it's just a small thing but we're already expecting guests tonight and–it would be lovely to have you. To… catch up." It falls flat, they're both aware of it, the words hanging between them. Regulus will politely decline and that will be that. They won't see each other for another ten years and then they'll do the whole dance again. 

So the next words out of Regulus' mouth shock Sirius to his core. 

"I'd be happy to." 

[littlegodzilla]

Hey! Yaaaay you're requests are open! *-* I was thinking if you could write a shy, introvert, virgin reader x Daryl Dixon? They're in love just nobody wants to make the first move, and then he finds out 'her little secret1, fluffy and smutty? Could you? And thank you for your writings, I live for you stories! <3

Hi anon!

First at all, thanks for your words I'm really glad you liked my stories, I'm glad you enjoyed them.

I hope you like it too.

I wrote about Daryl S1 cause he is one of my favorites and I miss him a little I hope you don't mind 🤭

Our First Time.

Daryl Dixon x FemReader.

Anon Request.

Warnings: Fluff. Lost virginity. Smut.

Words: 4900.

Taglist: @phoenixblack89 @browneyes528 @pncnsc @lilythemadqueen @darylsgirl @darylsgarden @srhxpci @xxtinasxxblog

Daryl hates hearing his brother and Ed talk about you.

In the distance you are with the group of girls on the hill, helping them with the laundry, watching the kids, helping them with their homework, even though the world had gone to shit, education came first. You never talk too much, always next to the girls, with them you share a few more words, but you always dodge eye contact with them, you even look uncomfortable around Shane.

Daryl the first few days felt somewhat irritated, always shying away, unable to look at him or talk to him, as if his mere presence disgusted you, gradually he realized it was the lack of trust and the shying glances turned into small shy smiles, although your conversations were still not very extensive. Daryl felt a protective and caring stranger lodged inside him, forcing him to always keep an eye on you, he felt confused because he had never had a similar experience with anyone. He had been with the odd woman, something fleeting on drunken nights with his brother Merle, but this he feels is different. Every time your eyes meet he feels his pulse quicken and his stomach clench.

"She's a little prim." He hears Merle suddenly say. "I bet she's one of those quiet ones who are whores in bed." He laughs and Ed mimics him.

"I wouldn't mind giving her a little education." They both laugh and Daryl grunts walking away before using his crossbow on the two men. "What's wrong with your brother? He looks like he's had an egg pricked with a pin." Scoffs Ed watching him walk away.

"Don't mind him, he's in love." Merle's joke makes him turn around like a spring but the two men are ignoring him.

He really doesn't understand how Merle can stand it, Daryl sees in Ed his father every time he hears him talk or treat his wife and daughter like a rag.

He growls turning around again, just as you pass by him, you both stumble, but Daryl acts fast holding the bucket in your hands. A startled gasp escapes you, but you sigh in relief. You're carrying a good pile of dirty clothes and luckily nothing has fallen on the floor. You glance sideways at him and smile sheepishly picking up the bucket again.

"Thanks, Daryl..."

"uhm, goin' to the lake?" he asks raising an eyebrow, you nod.

"I have laundry to do."

"Do ya need help?" He asks scratching the back of his neck. He's been back from hunting for hours, he's got the squirrels ready for the girls to cook, so he's free. You look at him confused, but shrug feeling your cheeks flush.

"Okay..."

You adjust the basin under your arm starting to walk towards the bottom of the hill, where a lake has formed inside the abandoned quarry, Daryl doesn't say anything, just follows a few steps behind you biting his nails nervously. You set the bucket down at the edge of the lake before kneeling down to clean your clothes.

"Can you help me get a rope ready?" you look at Daryl. "I'd like to hang it out to dry..." You explain with a small stutter.

"Yeah, sure..." He looks around discovering two tall stakes where he can put the rope. "I'll go get some rope."

"Thanks." You smile and crouch back down in front of the laundry bucket.

Daryl picks up the wooden beams standing them upright burying them in the ground so they won't move, then he pulls a rope out of his pocket, but it's not too long so he leaves you alone for a few minutes to go get a longer rope from the camp.

"Daryl." The archer hears Shane approaching towards him. "Is there a problem?"

"No, I'm gonna set up a clothesline." He explains to him. "The girls are gonna do laundry today." He says pointing with his head to the lake where you are already cleaning clothes.

"Okay, do you need any help?"

"Nah, I was just lookin' for rope." He says pointing to the rope in his hand.

Daryl goes back down to the lake to get to work. You are kneeling on the shore scraping the clothes with the soap Glenn manages to find on his patrols to the city of Atlanta you leave the rinsed and clean clothes inside the bucket and the rest you slowly put into the water. When Daryl finishes preparing the rope he takes the clothes from the bucket to spread them out to dry. You look at him with a grateful smile and go back to work feeling your cheeks redden. Daryl feels his heart clench and beat faster, your innocence makes him want to protect you more and more each day.

None of you pay attention to your surroundings, you start to work in coordination, you finish washing the clothes to help him put everything on the rope. The rest of your companions soon come down to wash other buckets of clothes, they stop to watch you work without noticing the presence of any of them. Carol says nothing, telling Sophia to help her find a place to work, Lori and Andrea look at each other and Amy laughs softly. Her giggle catches your attention.

"With us you barely talk, but with Daryl you seem to get along well." Amy says, Daryl immediately senses a strange tone in her voice. Maybe you all don't get along as well as Daryl thought. "What have you promised him you're going to do to him for helping you?"

He frowns, that comment was totally unnecessary. Carol walks away without a word, Lori laughs with Amy, and Andrea shoots a long look at her sister. You tremble in your seat stuttering, unable to say anything coherent. Daryl wants to intervene, tell her to shut the fuck up and get the fuck out, but you don't give him time, lowering your head you grab your bucket and hurry away from there without looking at the girls. Andrea keeps scolding her sister who grunts ignoring her and in Daryl's head something 'clicks'.

That night you all have dinner around a small bonfire that Shane repairs, not too big or flashy, he doesn't want anyone unwanted, dead or not, to show up there. Along with some cans and what the Dixon brothers have hunted, you all eat calmly, you remain somewhat away from the group, eating in silence, you don't look up from your plate, it is evident that Amy's words still mortify you. Daryl saw that the Harrison sisters came over to talk to you earlier that afternoon, but their apologies haven't had the desired effect on you, it seems. You've decided to distance yourself further from the group, only sharing a few words with Carl and Sophia, even Jacqui, but no one else. Daryl would have liked to approach you and tell you to ignore them, but maybe that would have made things more uncomfortable for you.

It's late when Daryl opens his eyes, the fire is still burning, very faint, but a figure is visible by the fire. Daryl doesn't need to grab his knife or crossbow, he knows who it is. Careful not to startle you he steps out of his tent walking towards the campfire, rubbing his hands together nervously. Hearing his footsteps, you raise your head as he approaches you, without a word he sits down next to you, stretching his hands towards the fire, letting it warm them a little. You smile by way of greeting, but soon look back to the flames.

"Can't sleep?" Daryl asks you and you shake your head.

"It's cold tonight and... well, sometimes you have a lot on your mind..." You try to excuse yourself.

"Yeah, if it's because of what Harrison said earlier..." He starts talking and watches as you try to hide in yourself. "I saw that they went to talk to ya earlier."

"Y-Yes, Andrea apologized to me, but I'm not mad, I-I just didn't want you to think that..." You fall silent because you don't know how to say it either, Daryl hums agreeing with you.

"It's okay, I didn't think anythin'...I mean...nothin' like that, that comment wasn't necessary."

"Y-yeah..." You mutter without taking your eyes off the fire. Daryl nods his head biting his lip again several times.

"Yer virgin, ain't ya? That's why when Amy said that this mornin'..." Daryl comments without looking away from you. Your eyes widen at his words, you visually tremble and stutter, but you don't dare look at him. Daryl glups, maybe he made a mistake saying that, but when you try to get up and run away, the hunter is quicker grabbing your arm pulling you back into a sitting position, you try to break free from his grip, but Daryl holds your wrists. "Wait, wait." He tries to talk to you, but you lower your head unable to look at him. "I'm sorry, I ain't mean to..."

"Say it, make fun if you want to." You interrupt him feeling tears of embarrassment welling up in your eyes. "Twenty-six years old and you're still a virgin. What a nun." You say angrily, Daryl lets go of your hands, but there's no point in wanting to run away anymore, after all you've proved him right.

"I-I ain't..."

"It doesn't matter, I know what you think of me. I know what you all think of me..." You cry still not daring to look at him. Daryl shakes his head.

"No, ya ain't..." Daryl leans slightly towards you, he holds your chin to make you look at him.

"Let me, Daryl, it's not fair, I know I may not be the most helpful of the group, but I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone, I'm not a very social person, I have a hard time talking and..."

"Shut up and let me talk." He asks you, there is no angry tone in his voice, just a soft smile, trying to calm you down. "I know like ya what others say or think of ya, I know what ya mean, but ya dun know what I think of ya. Ya have no idea." He stares at you, so intense it even feels like it burns your skin, you want to look away, but Daryl's grip on your chin is firm. The hunter leans towards you again and his lips brush yours.

Everything seems to stop at that very moment. Your heart beats a single, powerful beat, your breath hitches as you open your eyes in surprise. Daryl's fingers on your chin travel caressing your cheek until they touch your neck, his warmth enveloping your whole body, your hair standing on end. A sigh escapes you and he has only brushed your lips. He breaks away to look at you, his fingers caressing your skin, his eyes fixed on you as he bites the tip of his tongue.

"I-I like ya..." He confess feeling the words sound funny in his mouth. "At first I thought it was just 'cause ya needed help, but then... as the days went by, it was different..."

"Daryl... no, don't make fun of me, I don't..." You stammer wanting to walk away again.

"I'm ain't makin' fun of ya... I couldn't, I'm ain't like that..."

You see that he's nervous, that like you he has a hard time talking about some things, expressing himself with words is not his best card and to top it off, he likes you. So he's a nervous wreck. Internally you're the same way, you almost feel like laughing, but you know Daryl might misunderstand, you don't want him to think you're making fun of him because it's exactly the opposite. You sigh feeling brave and move a little closer to him giving him a kiss, just like Daryl has done before.

It's an awkward kiss, Daryl notices right away that your inexperience is more extensive than he first thought. He senses that you are trying to keep up with him, but you get nervous and immediately pull away. Daryl holds your chin again so you look up at him and he opens your mouth slightly, kissing you again, trapping your lips between his. A sigh escapes your mouth as his tongue ventures between your teeth, brushes and plays with your tongue, enticing you to do the same. Your hands nervously rest on his shoulders to move up to his hair, tangling your fingers in his short locks. Daryl breaks away as your bodies press closer together. He needs to stop now, he doesn't want to force you to do anything you don't want.

"'m sorry." He apologizes looking sideways at you.

"N...It's okay, I didn't..." You fall silent lowering your gaze, embarrassed, your hands still clenching and stroking the archer's hair. Daryl looks at you again chewing on his lip.

"Ya ain't gotta do anythin' ya ain't wanna do... I didn't come here for that, nor somethin' like that.."

"I know, but..." You look at him, intense, cheeks flushed. "I've never felt this way about anyone before, Daryl, I..."

The archer rises from the chair next to you and holds out his hand to help you up as well. You say nothing, his hand holds yours leading you towards his tent. Despite being with his brother all the time, Daryl always keeps his tent further away, he needs his own privacy. He opens the tent entering before you, letting you take your time, think it through, not regretting the decision. You hesitate for a second, as long as it takes to see him disappear inside the tent, you enter behind him sitting next to him, closing the zipper so you won't be disturbed. Daryl crawls over to you, standing in front of each other. He unbuttons his orange plaid tank top and puts it aside. There is not too much light surrounding you, but you can see Daryl's silhouette next to you, again with nervous hands you caress his skin, his chest, his shoulders are marked with wounds that seem quite distant, but he lets you touch his body without saying anything. Despite the shyness and nervousness, you feel your whole body burn wrapped in curiosity and desire, you may be a virgin, but you are no stranger to sex, you have always been curious, but you have never felt attached to anyone enough to take the step.

Why is Daryl different to you?

You don't know, maybe he makes you feel good, protected, despite his brusque and distant character, with you he has always tried to be kind, you have always felt that he has watched your movements, as if he was afraid that something bad could happen to you. At first you thought it might be because he saw you as just another child, like Carl and Sophia, which bothered you a little, but the few times you had the opportunity to talk to him, he always gave you a little smile, that made you feel special.

Maybe now that's why you feel able to take this step with him. Daryl has said that he likes you, it was a short confession, but enough to make a lot of different feelings swirl in your stomach. You like him too, you've fallen in love like an idiot, why deny it. If he wants this with you, you're not going to hesitate to give it to him. You don't want to think about what comes next.

Not now.

Daryl holds your wrists carefully to leave them lax on his shoulders, he leans over you kissing you again, his hands caressing your arms down to your waist. You shiver as you feel him tug your shirt slowly until he manages to pull it off over your head. All your hair swirls in a mess across your face. Carefully he pulls it away to look at you again, his fingers tangle in your breasts and he kisses you this time more intensely, biting your lips feeling desire slowly taking over more and more of him, but he wants to go slowly, he doesn't want any sudden action to make you run away.

When you separate again to catch your breath you stare at each other, Daryl sits up crossing his legs and holds you by the waist giving you a gentle tug.

"C'me 'ere." He asks guiding you to sit on his lap. Instinctively you cross your arms in front of your exposed body, now being closer you are embarrassed that he is looking at you so intensely. Daryl holds your wrists to let him see you and smiles half-sideways. "I'm gonna ask ya again, and it won't be the last time but I wanna ya to be honest with me... Are ya sure about this?" he stares at you, serious, you nod your head, because despite your nerves, you want it. "Answer me. Use that pretty voice of yers."

You feel your cheeks burning and you're grateful for the dim lighting so Daryl can't see it, his hands still touching your waist, his fingers moving softly, calmly, he's in no hurry to go through with this. He just wants to hear you say it.

"I want this, Daryl..." You whisper softly. "I want you..."

He sighs long through his nose as he nods his head. He likes the sound of his name in your mouth. He kisses you again to slowly move down your neck leaving a thin thread of kisses between your mouth and your collarbone where he stops giving you a small nibble, marking the skin over your bone. A gasp of surprise escapes your mouth at his bite and when you feel his hands move up to your breasts still covered by your bra and he squeezes them. A strange sensation runs through your whole body, it's not unpleasant and when Daryl does it again you feel your panties getting wet. For a second you are tempted to leave, as if what you feel is not good and you want to escape, however every time Daryl kisses you or touches your breasts, your body clings tighter to his. You hear your bra click open, the straps fall loosely from your shoulders and he kisses your skin until he removes your undergarment. You hear him gasp and murmur something under his breath, you dare to look at him, his hands caress your bare tits, their skin soft, warm, your nipples hardening as he stimulates them with his thumbs, making small circles over them sending sensations of pleasure throughout your body. His mouth catches one of your hardened nipples, licking and sucking on your sensitive button, as his other hand pinches your other nipple, your back arches and a moan escapes you as your hips push themselves against him.

You open your eyes in surprise as you feel the hard bulge of his crotch. Daryl grunts against the skin of your tit and pulls away to look at you. You kiss again, this time an intense, unbridled kiss, controlled by Daryl who keeps the rhythm as his tongue tangles with yours inside your mouth. Both of you wanting to melt.

When you want to be conscious, you are totally naked before him. His hands caress your skin over and over again, from your ankles to your shoulders, your back pressed against his chest, his hands kneading and playing with your tits, enjoying their size between his fingers, every sound escaping your mouth. Daryl holds your legs open with his own. Nervousness takes over you again, you'd like to touch him, to return the pleasure he's giving you, but you don't know how. You sigh and bite your lip when you feel one of his hands leave your chest to go down little by little, losing itself between your legs, for a second you want to close them, but his fingers caress your slit and his hoarse growl against your ear paralyzes you.

"Yer so wet... Is 'cause of me or is that yer scared?" His voice sounds dangerously dark, his fingers move slowly through your folds, caress and press against your clit and soak between your lower lips again, you tremble in his arms. "Is it too much? Tell me and I'll stop."

"N-no... I just, I just don't know what to do..." You confess in a breathy whisper.

"Ya ain't gotta do anythin', just enjoy." He whispers in your ear and the circular motion of his fingers on your clitoris becomes more intense.

You moan again letting yourself be carried away by the sensation of pleasure coursing through your body. Daryl strives to give you as much pleasure as you can take. He knows he must relax your body and mind, he is not the most gifted man in the world, but he wants to avoid that uncomfortable feeling for you as much as possible. He's running over every inch of your body, every sensitive spot on your skin, everything that makes you sigh and tremble. Everything that helps you keep your mind blank. Daryl squeezes your nipple between his fingers harder as he presses your clit, your legs tremble and your hand grips his wrist feeling it all too intense. Pleasure hits you like a sledgehammer, you tense against his body, your toes clench and you dig your nails into his wrist as a long moan escapes your mouth. Of course, embarrassed by your own sounds you quickly cover your mouth.

Slowly his fingers move slower and slower feeling totally wet after your orgasm, he runs along your slit again and gently presses your entrance. Your body immediately reacts by letting him slip inside and at the same time tightening around his fingertip. You gasp and close your eyes as he pushes his finger very slowly inside you, feeling your insides catch it until his hand rests on your pussy completely. He moves it slowly, in and out, hearing you sigh, spreading your legs further apart, your hips lifting against his hand wanting to feel him deeper. Yourself telling him what you want.

Daryl lays you down on the sleeping bag, you listen as he gets rid of his pants and underwear before settling back on top of you.

"I'm gonna ask again..."

"Yes, Daryl, I want this. I need you." You tell him in your weak, but urgent voice, still coming back from your high, your body still trembling beneath his.

"Good girl." He whispers and spreads your legs apart placing himself between them.

He doesn't enter you yet, just moves against your pussy, rubbing his length against you, pressing his tip against your clit, sending new spasms of pleasure throughout your body. He wants to make you a little desperate, to make your body want him as much as your words. He feels on the edge, but he can hold out a little longer. Again his fingers run through your body and this time he can slip a second finger in. Your body tenses and he hears you hiss, it has been more annoying than last time, but you don't protest or ask him to stop. Daryl moves his fingers slowly in and out, opening and closing inside you, increasing your wetness that spills down his fingers into your hand. Excitement and pleasure take over you and Daryl loves to hear every sound that escapes your mouth even though you try to hide them with your hand. Suddenly the hunter's fingers move inside you making you jump, even Daryl freaks out thinking he has hurt you, but it's just the opposite. He has found that exact spot inside you that he knows can make you lose your mind. Smiling half sideways he moves his fingers at that angle at the same time his free hand catches one of your nipples. Despite the dim lighting Daryl enjoys watching your face contract into a grimace of pleasure every time his fingers touch the right spot. He knows he's going to make you cum again and it turns him on even more if that's possible.

"C'mon, let me feel ya cum again." He whispers in your ear and your walls contract against his fingers, your moan muffled in your own hand. "That's it..." He whispers and pulls your hand away from your mouth to kiss you.

You feel like your head is traveling far away from here, your mind suspended in a haze of relaxation and pleasure, your body weighing a ton, hot, wet, but satisfied. Your legs are still shaking when you feel Daryl rub his cock against you again, you instinctively spread your legs wider for him, exposing yourself fully. Daryl smiles in satisfaction at what he has accomplished. He rubs his cock against your pussy again and stops. A protest escapes you and he can't help a crooked grin.

"I'm here, beautiful, don't be impatient." He says kissing your cheek. "I dun have condoms, but I'm ain't gonna cum inside." He promises you and you nod your head.

"O-Okay..."

"Ya still want me to go on?"

"Daryl, please..."

"That's not an answer..." He knows he's torturing himself, but he needs to hear you say it.

"Yes, please Daryl, make me yours." You plead with desperate voice and goose bumps rise on his skin.

Carefully he pushes his cock inside you, immediately he feels the natural resistance of your body pressing against his tip, he gasps but keeps moving slowly. He stops when he hears you hiss and moan. It bothers you, it's not an extreme pain, but it's there, your insides protest the intrusion, your walls clench around it wanting to stop it, an aching sensation runs through your body. Daryl doesn't move again until you stop stirring under his body, trying to distract your mind again he spreads several kisses down your neck, your lips, plays with your nipples and that seems to work as he starts sliding back inside you slowly. He gasps and grunts when he is fully inside, your warm, wet channel, squeezing him tighter and tighter is making things difficult for him, he would love to move now, to fuck you hard and hear you moan and beg, but he knows he must be patient, that your body will let him know exactly when he can move. Under his weight you feel eyes full of tears, you can't define exactly what is happening to you, it's a feeling of pain and relief mixed together. It's annoying, but at the same time it feels good and you feel safe because you're with Daryl and he's doing everything he can to make you feel good. As your body relaxes under his, Daryl begins to move slowly, a sigh escapes your lips and he holds your wrists, pulling his hand away from your mouth.

"I need to hear ya." He says. "I need to know that this is what ya want.

"I-I want this, Daryl." You assure him and he grunts starting to move faster.

He uses his grip on your wrists to move on you, each time he thrusts inside you a new moan escapes your mouth prompting him to move faster. His hips find the perfect rhythm for both of you, Daryl hits your G-spot each time he buries himself deep on top of you. You moan, you clench around his cock tightly, your legs wrap around his waist and Daryl grunts feeling on the verge as well. Pleasure engulfs you once again, Daryl stays wedged inside you enjoying how you hold him back. He carefully pulls out of you, holds his cock and jerks on you, gasps and cums on your stomach staining you with white strands. He snorts, needing a moment to recover. He looks down at you in the half-light, you are a complete mess under his body, hair disheveled, breathing fast, his cum sliding down your skin. Carefully he sits up to grab his shirt and clean your body and then lies down next to you hugging you, snuggling you against his chest.

Neither of you say anything, you simply share the silence of the tent until you fall asleep.

Nothing seems to change. That morning when you wake up Daryl is no longer in the tent, nor is his crossbow, which makes you worry but at the same time you feel that this is what should happen. Without a word you get dressed and carefully exit the tent making sure no one is still awake to go back to your own tent or get to work in the camp. After a while the rest of the group starts to wake up and greet you, you have used the time to prepare some breakfast and have started to pick up the laundry. Everyone senses that there is something different, even the atmosphere is different, but no one is sure what is going on. You are eating breakfast in silence, Daryl is still missing, possibly he is hunting or you don't know what has become of him.

"Go with the little nun." Smiles Merle suddenly cutting through the silence. "So that's what last night was all about." He laughs without taking his eyes off you and you don't know what to say.

"What are you talking about, Dixon?" asks Shane with a bored sigh.

"What am I talking about? What last night, this lady's screams and moans woke me up." He glares at you and you open your eyes wide. Lori almost chokes on her breakfast and the rest of them look at you in surprise. You want to get out of there, but you know that would only make things worse. "Which one of you fuckers did she have a good time with? Because certainly not with me."

"I-I didn't..." You stammer looking down at your hands nervously.

"Come on beautiful, I could make you so much happier." Merle repeats licking his lips and you feel your stomach turn.

"Hey Merle!" Daryl's voice is heard in the distance and your heart suddenly stops. "Shut the fuck up." He walks over to you, sitting down next to you he kisses you and the looks get even more intense. "Don't you ever talk to my girlfriend like that again."

The End.

I hope you liked it!

See you in the next stories!

[tommstic]

Being trans in the south

Hey all! I’ve finally accepted myself, and I think that now is a perfect time to share my story. This post will contain transphobic language, descriptions of dysphoria, and other possibly triggering things. I think it’s important to read just to get a look into the life of a trans kid in the south, but if it makes you uncomfortable, please skip if you need!

I live in the southern area of the USA. It’s not really a secret, I talk about my state and the whether pretty often so it’s not like I’m trying to hide who I am. Because of that, I feel comfortable sharing this story with some more personal details.

I live in South Carolina. The state is no stranger to anti-lgbtq+ corruption in the local government and in the citizens. SC is one of the states which has currently banned LGBTQ+ topics to be taught under the umbrella of sex ed. With this info, you can probably infer what life as an lgbtq+ teen is like in the dead centre of a red state.

I realised I was trans during late 2019 - early 2020 (my memory is fuzzy due to unrelated matters, so sorry if the timeline feels fuzzy sometimes). I decided to identify as bigender at the time. I only came out to my close friends, and that was after months of being scared they wouldn’t accept me. Of course, they accepted me, being lgbtq+ themselves.

Later on, somehow, word began to spread that I was trans and people at school began to ask me questions about it. It was scary. I remember being so anxious every time someone would come up and talk to me during that time because I was afraid they would harass, hurt, or judge me because of my identity. And naturally, whenever someone would ask, I would tell them I wasn’t trans and they’d heard wrong. It felt weird to act like I was “the victim of gossip” when in reality it was true. I was trans, but I wasn’t ready to talk about it.

Time passes, blah blah, unimportant nonsense. Nothing really significant to my identity happens, I still identified as bigender. I was trying to accept myself more by being more public with my identity. I wanted to believe that the south wasn’t as hateful as the media portrayed it, so I was public about my identity online and would tell people I was trans if they asked. My first instance of experiencing genuine transphobia was when I was banned from my friend’s house by their dad due to me being trans.

I felt so sick that night and I cried so so much- I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that my identity had gotten me banned from seeing them again. I felt like I was the problem.

Then I entered my freshman year. I started wearing pins on my ID because I wanted to try again. Plus, I assumed that if I was in a public space I’d be safe. I wasn’t entirely wrong, but in some instances it didn’t exactly work out.

There were certain classes where I took off my trans pin from my ID. Mostly classes overrun by country kids and openly trans/homophobic people. I would put the pin in a small pocket in my bag and wear my ID as normal.

One day I did the same as usual, putting my pin away, and I noticed this kid looking at me weird. We leave the classroom and when we come back to pack up I check my bag and the zipper is opened and the pin is gone. Now I’m not completely sure it was him, but someone stole my pin and I know it wasn’t out of jealousy. There was a sticky note with a shitty cross drawn onto it. Losing the pin sucked, especially considering the motive, but it was the least of my problems.

People from my school would occasionally send me DMs via Instagram telling me I need God and how I’m disgusting. I was even threatened a few times, which was sadly no surprise. I’ve always prided myself on not taking cyber bullying seriously when it’s aimed towards me. I don’t typically let it affect me. But when you’re already surrounded by an environment that seems to absolutely hate you, having your online spaces being invaded the same way hurts like hell.

During the same class I mentioned earlier, I was called slurs both to my face and behind my back. Two kids were talking saying that “the class had been ruined by the tr*nnies,” while nodding in my direction. Another kid had asked me straight up if I was a tr*nnie.

It was around this time that I felt like giving up on my identity. I still felt sick looking in the mirror and looking at my body. I still hated everything remotely feminine about myself. I still hated being a girl but I decided that it was just easier to suppress my identity and go back to being “normal.”

In other words, being told that Id never be a real man was the straw that broke the camels back.

I still mentioned being trans in passing when I was talking with my friends, but generally I kept it a secret. During this time, I began to feel even worse about myself. I considered suicide because I felt like I would never be a real man. I felt like I wouldn’t ever be able to free myself from this prison that I had built for myself by rejecting my identity. It was shitty and it felt awful. I kept holding on to any piece of femininity I could find in myself because of how much I started to hate the idea of being trans. I hated it so much I just wanted to stay “normal.”

I relapsed. The only other trans friend I had at the time was a fucking enabler who I should have cut off forever ago, so it just got worse. I started doing stupid shit that I can’t even say on here for my own safety. It was bad, it put me in danger, and it was disgusting.

I began to calm myself down after a few months of not thinking about it and I decided to wade back into the waters of my trans identity by identifying as genderless. I just thought “hey, if I don’t have a gender, then there’s no reason to feel dysphoria right? I’m just me.”

Yea well no surprises here, it didn’t work. Another year of suppressing my real identity and I still hadn’t learned anything. I suppressed my identity for 3, almost 4, years because I was so scared of who I really was. I suffered from so much internalised transphobia for the past years due to the environment I grew up in. It changed how I perceived myself for the worst, and in the end, it didn’t stop me from being trans.

I have VERY recently come to accept my identity. I’m a boy. I’m FtM and that’s okay!! I wanted so bad to be able to hang on to my cisgender identity that it made me feel miserable for years. Finally I can really say that I’m trans and proud. I feel like I actually fit my identity and I no longer feel like I’m faking anything. It feels so freeing-

However, now that I’ve finally let go of my internal transphobia, I still have to face that of the world around me. I’m anxious to be public about my identity, I’m anxious to even come out to my parents (AGAIN.) because of what they might think.

I know there’s people out there who’ve had it worse than me, and that scares me the most. To imagine that there’s people struggling with the same issues as I am but with genuine violence in their lives, it’s worrying. As a country and as a society we have to understand that our views on young lgbtq+ members is crucial to how they view themselves. We’re just kids, we shouldn’t have to “toughen up” because we’re being told to shoot ourselves. We shouldn’t be getting told all these terrible things in the first place.

It’s fucking awful and I don’t think people have a real understanding of how passive transphobia affects people in the real world. There are dead trans kids because of this. There are dead queer kids because of this. It’s not easy to be surrounded by hate no matter where you look. I was lucky enough to have my friends as a support but not every kid has that. We gotta fucking fix this, it’s hurting innocent kids who just want to figure themselves out.

This was longer than I expected,, I tried to keep everything very linear. This isn’t a sob story or whatever, I just want to raise awareness for kids in the south because what I experienced was honestly so mild compared to what some other people I know have gone through. If you made it to the end, that’s awesome because I would’ve gotten tired by now Hah- thank you so much for reading-

if you’re of legal age to vote PLEASE do research on who you’re voting for because our leaders, local or National, determine the future of this country.

[amoret32]

Tit for Tat

I am not Jealous person. I really am not. Okay I am. Because Right now, my chesting is burning with the jealousy I am feeling.

I want to smack her smug face! The way she is laughing with my boyfriend. MY BOYFRIEND!!!

"Oh man You are so funny!" her laughter continues as she smacks her hand on his upper arms. I take the whisky sitting by my side, in my hand. Honestly I wanna throw it on her, but having some manners is important. I can't drop to her level, can I?

I chug the whisky whole in one time, putting the glass down loudly on the table top. "Baby, are you okay? You don't work with whisky well! I don't think you should have alcohol anymore." Dammit those big, cute eyes my boyfriend has! Tell me my oh so dear Boyfriend, you were also enjoying flirting with her, weren't you?

"No thanks, I'll pass. I wanna have more alcohol and I want to dance. I going to dance." My boyfriend holds my hand, which I release due to my anger taking over my head. "Hey Jennie or whatever your name is, it was not very nice to meet you but whatever, have fun, okay?"

The music in the club gets my attention and I get drawn by the dance floor. 'Love me land plays by Zara Larsonn in the background'

Dancing to this music kinda turns me one. Sensually moving on the beats, i feel someone's eyes on me. I know whose those eyes are! Biting my lips I ignore the eyes and concentrate on dancing.

"Hey sexy, you alone here?" This one man who looks like he comes club for only one purpose, that is sex, asks me. I don't really like attention. Especially from strangers.

"Yup all alone!" No no no that was totally not what I had planned. It just got out of my mouth. I guess I want to make someone jealous too.

"Why not join me then?" this creepo.

Maintaining a safe distancing with him I dance with him. Feeling really uncomfortable. I hate it. But the eyes I was feeling earlier have turned intense. Atleast that makes this dance fun.

This weird stranger keeps nudging me. Ugh. Yup I chose to do this. Now regretting my life decisions.

"Excuse me, Can I have my chance to dance with this gorgeous now?" without even getting the approval, My boyfriend drags me away from the creepo. I love you so much at this moment, My boyfriend.

Okay now the hold of his hand is really hurting me. But I deserve this for him jealous.

"Done making me jealous?" I chuckle. Look at his pout.

"Nope!" Seeing that he dragged me pretty much away from the dance floor, I make my way to it again only to be stopped by him.

"We are going home." he drags me in opposite direction.

"You cannot decide that."

"Oh I can totally decide that."

Suddenly my feet leave the ground and float in the air. Oh gosh. This idiotic boyfriend of mine has lifted me over on his shoulder. "Hey, this is cheating!" I try to hit him his back and as a result I get a smack on my ass.

"Do that one more time baby and I am going to lift your dress that has been teasing me all the night and spank you right here, right now."

His jaws are clenching. His voice has dropped by some decibels. More over he is angry. Mission successful.

As soon as we reach the car, he opens the backseat door and settles me in with himself. "What is your problem?"

"I should ask you same! What is YOUR problem?"

"My problem is that, My girlfriend needs attention. And when she does not get that, she misbehaves."

"And my problem is the way that jennie or whatever her name is, flirted with you! You clearly introduced me to her as your girlfriend, but still she continued to flirt with you as if I was invisible. She even dared to touch you."

He laughs. He LAUGHS. Are you kidding me? "Even if she flirted with me, did you notice that I was not flirting back to her!"

Oh fuck! I was so busy being jealous that i didn't notice what he was doing. hell i didn't even look at him because i was too busy glaring at that full of shit jennie.

"Exactly!"

"Did you just read my thoughts?"

"You think too loudly babe. Or that you facial expression really give the idea of your thoughts. We have been too long in relationship to not know you that expressions of your face."

I sulk. So what I am too readable!

"Now stop pouting and tell me what you were doing with that horny teenager?"

"He didn't look like teenager!"

"But you know, he looked like kind of a guy who would come to a club for sex."

I snort so loudly. A habit I don't mind happening in front of him. Snort laughing in front of others makes me embarrassed but in front of him? Never.

"I thought the same." Smacking his thighs I continue laughing until-

"And still you continue to fucking dance with him? Aren't you misbehaving little slut?"

Pulling me into his laps, his arms around me. He puts his lips on mine. Goosebumps taking over my whole body. This feeling I will never get used to.

"You enjoy making your boyfriend jealous, don't you?" he kisses all over my face. A act he does whenever he is jealous, angry or sad. Like he is trying to claim me, mark me. He always kisses my face but at times like this he gets a little rougher.

"I was also jealous okay?" I try to say between the kisses. His kisses shifted their focus to my neck. Some rough kissing and sucking making sure that they leave a mark.

"Not as jealous as I am! You know I hate to see other men touching you like that. That bastard kept nudging you, annoying the hell out of me. If we remained in that place for some more minutes I would have beaten him to death."

I chuckle. "I guess that makes two of us."

"You wait until we get home baby. I will make sure you wouldn't be able to sit or stand for a week."

I guess that's what I get for being too possessive.

or making him jealous.

It's me, I am the possessive kind of girlfriend.

what do you think, who was rightfully jealous?