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#and i have to train myself to go to bed early and get up early for these next couple days so i can be ready for staff development day 🙄
ambersky0319 · 2 months
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why do i get the productivity and organizational motivations at night when i should be getting the sleep motivation
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disdaidal · 1 year
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So I think I'm finally getting a contract and I'm going to start my new studies (as a youth/school counselor) in my old school. I met the principal today and had a talk with him, and he said he was pleased to see me there and would like to have me there because I already know my way around and seemed to manage things just fine when I was still their student. So, that's great, I'm finally getting somewhere.
But I'll have to wait until Friday because he's still not quite sure who's going to be my supervisor, so he's going to have a talk with a couple of staff members about it at first.
And then my teacher in my new school is already pressing me with contract matters and stuff, wanting me to start earlier than I had originally planned or at least get the contract done by then, so uhh. I'm going to have a Teams meeting with her on Friday at 8 o'clock in the morning (I'm not a morning person at all), and I'm sure we're going to have such a lovely discussion about my schedule and study plans and all that stuff.
All this phone-calling and paperwork is giving me a headache. And I still have some school assignments to do and to return before next week, and guess what - ya girl just wants to read and write fanfiction all day and all night. 🤪 Priorities, I has them.
#personal#no seriously i went to bed around 4am because i was writing a fic. and then i got up at 8:30 after snoozing the clock for an hour#because i had the appointment with the principal around 10am so#but anyway despite my poor sleeping schedule i am actually happy about this opportunity#i should be able to work in the evenings if they can just find me a supervisor. which would be super because then i'm not going to have to#wake up early. unless i get a side job because i need money and this is only training so i don't get paid for it. but remains to be seen#i am not feeling awfully energized for school/work combination right now so uhh#but then i'd also get to work as a special needs assistant because this school has a lot of special needs students#so that sounds pretty good actually. it was something i was also thinking about doing before#because i was kind of a special needs student myself when i was younger and i didn't get the help i needed so#helping others with that could be great. a great opportunity indeed#and i may have to help with this other type of class as well#i think they're calling it preparatory education for vocational training in english. i'm not 100% sure what it even means#but well if i get a chance then perhaps i'll find outl#so all in it sounds like they have need for me and i get to do a lot of different stuff so. it should be good#it's. just this. studying itself. and like i said. all this paperwork and making phone calls and stuff. it's stressing me out#so uh#let's just hope that friday makes me a little bit wiser
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famewolf · 7 months
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woah I woke up at 7:30am all on my own ... how
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toastsnaffler · 10 days
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ughhhh
#mood rocketing downhill. thjs can only end well :-(#on my period and so tired and sad and lonely and i really really really want a hug im going to bash my head in with a rock#and a bit annoyed i spent ages testing climbing shoes today which ive been meaning to do for ages and the staff were rly nice#and i got a pair in the end but tbh i may end up returning them bc on reflection im not sure theyll work for my specific climbing style#what i rly wanted was a few sizes down of my current ones but they didnt have stock. and i tried the size i wanted in a variation of the#same shoe ie. same shape just not the rubber im after and they fit near perfectly so now im just thinking abt them instead.#u know what fuck it. ill take the train to my old city tmr and go to the climbing store there bc i checked online n they do have them.#ill just be constantly doubting my decision if i dont and i need to do smth nice for myself. and i can read on the train#and if they dont fit better well i have these other ones. and these ones are still nice! but im worried theyre more suited to sport/trad#and im primarily a boulderer... and i mean theyd def be good for some types of bouldering and i wanna get into sport/trad anyway but arghhh#whatever. fuck it. booked my train its not that expensive anyway just time. im tired of letting my decision paralysis get to me#and always settling for shit that makes me unhappy bc its not quite what i want but i talk myself into pretending im okay with it#when im not!!! and its unfair to myself and everyone around me to so consistently fail to identify n communicate my actual wants/needs#this isnt actually abt the shoes im upset for other reasons but at least projecting it onto this gives me a semblance of control#and gives me an easy way out of having to confront n deal with my avoidance...... it literally has no fucking limits huh.#well whatever. i need to food shop and eat and shower and then its okay ill play a videogame and go to bed early#its not been that bad a day i watched a movie this morning which was nice. and it was nice to cycle around the weathers great#probably havent slept enough. probably took my afternoon meds too late. probably just feeling lonely and tired and on my period....#tomorrow will be a nice day and monday i have climbing and there are other nice things coming up. puts down my head bashing rock#okay feeling a bit better now ive cried a bit and typed this. deep breath. wheres my shopping list.#.diaries#.vent#byeee
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pl4n · 4 months
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clouds
#my art#some bg elements... who am i#once again posting bc i am filled w thoughts and feelings#i feel so nostalgic...#its a warm night and im lying in the dark#the light of my computer glowing blue in the corner#listening to music from my childhood#i was staring at the ceiling.. and i really felt the presense of night and remembered how endless it used to feel#made me wonder#when was the last time i could go to bed without worrying abt the things i should do the next day#i dunno. these days night has felt so burdensome and limiting. so much pressure and so little rest#i remember looking out the window at night and seeing the sky tinted pink with light pollution#honestly i always thought it was beautiful. the whole night was dawn.. and there was so much time to enjoy it#and i would explore all my little thoughts and ideas and worries and fears and wishes#and somehow id fall asleep#idk what i even think about these days#i just stress about the small stupid things and how i need to sleep and how desperate i am to distract myself from that anxiety#so ofc i cant sleep lol#ahh i miss hearing the sound of the train in the middle of the night#i need to work on letting my thoughts flow freely again.. instead of all these controlled thoughts about what i should do and how and when#i can just feel my little brain shrinking from the lack of breath#i miss thinking and reflecting and dreaming and imagining and all that shit#what am i doinggg man#how did i let my head get this clogged up#fuckkkk ok well anyways im glad im having this time in my feels lmfaoo#ahhh i miss going to the beach at night and lying in the sand and seeing the darkness stretched out endlessly and the city lights in the#distance and just talking about anything thru the night without a single worry about sleeping early to go to work or whatever#ahhhhhhhhhhhhh#i miss wasting time pointlessly and enjoying it without being so painfully aware of the time going by#ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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faethfigueroth · 1 year
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we love spending the entire day trying to prepare for something just for everything in the day to go wrong that you end up not doing the one thing you spent all your energy on today preparing for
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wileys-russo · 3 months
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leah williamson, "i tried to get my lashes done with tooney and alessia but i didn't like it, so i tried to take them off myself. but now i've ripped half my eyelashes off" in the bathroom 🫶🏻
l.williamson II plucky
"hey babe, everything alright? you normally meet me in the tunnel." your girlfriend smiled curiously as you hovered by the car park.
"yeah everything is fine! i just had to call my mum about something and you know how loud the girls can get after a derby win." you excused, greeting her with a big hug.
"mmm talk about a headache. if i smell like cheap champagne its katies fault." leah grumbled feeling your body vibrate with quiet laughter against her.
"i missed you this morning. did you have a nice time with tooney and less?" your girlfriend asked, not having seen you all day as you were gone before she woke up and leah was gone by the time you returned.
"it was lovely! i've not really spent much time with ella but she and less together are quite the pair." you chuckled honestly as the two of you broke apart, leah shrugging off her gym bag and popping the boot, tossing it in.
"thats an understatement." leah grinned, reaching to steal your sunglasses as you ducked out of her reach. "get your own williamson." you teased, making your way around to the other side of the car.
"i'm trying to you little thief, those are mine!" your girlfriend protested as you only grinned, backing up against the window as she tried again.
"my eyes are sensitive to light and you left these in the kitchen, makes them fair game." your grin grew as the blonde started the car with a huff. "sensative to light? thats a new one." leah scoffed as you playfully smacked her knee before intertwining your fingers with her spare hand.
you allowed her the space to debrief after the game, knowing even if it was a win the girl always had some things to get off her chest about both her own and the teams performance.
so much so that by the time she pulled into the driveway of your shared home she was still going, causing an amused smile to be painted in your features as you patiently awaited the end of her rant.
"sorry." leah blushed a little once she had, something that was rare but adorably endearing as you leaned over to softly kiss her warm cheek. "don't be. my ears are always yours to command baby." you promised.
"my girl." leah smiled against your lips, the two of you exchanging a few sweet kisses before separating so the pair of you could head inside.
"why are those still on you freak?" leah laughed when she returned from putting away her bag to find you sat on the sofa texting, sunglasses still covering your eyes.
"i'm tired! some of us got up early." you quipped flipping her off which she reciprocated, wandering to the fridge as you finished the message to alessia, huffing as you pressed send and left your phone on the couch.
"take them off! it feels weird like you're my security detail or something." leah rolled her eyes playfully as you smiled. "maybe i am, i was just hired to protect you by your mum and our entire relationship is a lie." you teased sticking your tongue out at her.
"baby girl with those chicken arms? not a chance." leah smirked grabbing out a juice and closing the fridge. "yeah like you're one to talk chicken legs!" you retorted back as your girlfriend gasped.
"you know i'm sensitive about my legs!" leah scowled, lips puckering out in a slight pout. "well a bit more running them and not your mouth at training and maybe you'd see some results." you teased, backing away as the blonde placed down her juice and advanced on you.
"leah no!" you squealed as she launched, darting away from her and hearing her feet thump after you, laughing as her body crash tackled into you taking you down onto the bed.
"not bad skinny legs, maybe they're good for wind resistance, makes you speedy." you grinned as she hovered over you. "wind resistance? think's shes a sports scientist now." leah tutted with a shake of her head.
"no!" you pushed your head back as your girlfriend reached for the sunglasses, teasing smile wiped away in a second. "alright what is going on with the glasses?" leah frowned, moving off of you as you sat up.
"nothing! my eyes are just...sore." you excused lamely, cringing at the awful reasoning which leah clearly didn't believe either. "did less fall over and hit you in the face or something? do you have a black eye?" the blonde asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern as you shook your head.
"no no really, it's fine." you promised, but as leah tried once more to take the glasses you stood so fast you almost gave her whiplash. "take them off and show me then!" the defender demanded, standing up and crossing her arms.
but instead you fled, racing off to your ensuite bathroom and quickly locking it before your girlfriend could join you. "baby. this is silly, whatever it is you can trust me." the footballer sighed, knocking softly on the door.
"babe come on, i love you way too much for anything to change that. let me in?" she tried again after a minute or two of silence as you sighed, knowing you couldn't avoid her forever, slinking toward the door and unlocking it with a click.
"promise me you won't laugh." you warned seriously as the blonde joined you, nodding in agreement and sitting down on the edge of the bath as you exhaled deeply.
"well after coffee this morning i tried to get my lashes done with tooney and alessia but i didn't like it, so i tried to take them off myself-" you started to explain, slowly lowering the glasses from your face.
"-but now i've ripped half my eyelashes off." you revealed quietly, sunglasses placed down on the bench as you huffed, leah very clearly biting down on her bottom lip. "leah catherine you promised." you warned seeing how close she was to breaking.
"i'm fine! it's not funny, not at all." your girlfriend cleared her throat, still holding back a smile as you groaned and sat down on the closed toilet lid. "go on then, laugh." you mumbled miserably, burying your face in your hands.
"hey." you felt hands grab your wrists, tugging them away as a finger tapped your chin meaning your head raised with a frown. "you are so beautiful and i adore you." leah promised, hands letting go of yours and gently cupping your face.
"-even without eyelashes." the blonde added on with a smile that wasn't unkind, pecking your lips and mumbling how much she loved you against them. "okay! point made." you finally cracked a laugh gently pushing at her shoulders.
"they'll grow back. at least it wasn't your eyebrows! that might have been a deal breaker for me my girl." leah sighed as you scoffed and kicked at her which she easily dodged.
"come on plucky, lets go order some food." "plucky!?" "yeah! pretty and lucky...plucky." "nice save." you warned her with a glare, taking her outstretched hand none the less and letting her pull you to your feet.
"so babe i have to ask. what was the plan here? wear your sunglasses for the next three months while they grew back?"
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leah-lover · 6 months
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Get better. Alessia Russo × pregnant reader.
Alessia introduces her pregnant girlfriend to the team after the conti cup win.
Words: 1k
You woke up to the sound of rain, and the smell of coffee, but this wasn't your favorite way to wake up because Alessia wasn't there with you. You lazily opened your eyes to a tray with your breakfast on it with a note next to it that said “ good morning beautiful. I love you.”
Since Alessia started dating it was obvious that she was a hopeless romantic. She wanted to protect you, care for you and love you to the best of her ability.as a result, you kept your relationship private since she was getting a lot of hate after leaving man united for you. Your job had nothing to do with football. One day you and Alessia met at a bar while she was celebrating her birthday. The sparks went on immediately and you never left each other after that.
You were originally living in Manchester with her but your work had required you to go live in London , the north to be exact. Upon hearing the news, Alessia decided it was also time to leave her club.
Now you wake up in your shared home in London, have breakfast in bed, then get up to get ready. Alessia had early Training that day and you didn't have work you only had a doctor's appointment.
After getting ready you went to your appointment where the doctor confirmed to you that your baby was in very good health. You ask him for a moment alone with the baby monitor and you call your girlfriend.
“ Hello baby I miss you. Well, we miss you.” You started the conversation by pointing the camera towards the baby monitor. “ Ohh hi baby, oh my God I wish I was their baby. Is everything ok?.” She said with the biggest smile on her face.
“ Yeah it's all okay. I am going to read on the road after this. We want to be with you when you win the cup.” I responded by sipping the gell of my belly.
“ Amor please be careful, besides I am sick I might not even play.” She said,
“ Yeah I know this sickness stopped you from sleeping next to me for a while now. I really miss you and the baby misses your cuddles with me.” I cooked.
“ You wouldn't have to wait much longer. I am getting better. Amor I gotta go I love you tho.” She added blowing a kiss at the camera.
“We love you too.” I said blowing a kiss back.
I got to the stadium at the right time before kick off. Alessia got me the closest seats to the pitch and to the Arsenal fans. The atmosphere was electric when the teams got in. The chants, the tension, and the even score all managed to overwhelm me so I found myself holding on to my bump more than usual. I was sat next to a few Arsenal supporters who managed to all cheer me up again.
Suddenly an uproar filled the stadium, we had won the cup due to Stina’s goal. My happiness overwhelmed me. I was happy for the team and proud of Alessia who played really well despite her illness. I was celebrating with the fans around me when i spotted alessia heading my way not joining her team’s celebration.
“ baby i am fucking proud of you i love you soo soo much.” I yelled as soon as I saw her and hugged her.
“ Hey, mind your language in front of my baby.” she said joinkinly which earned her a pout from me.
“ you should go celebrate with the girls you earn it star girl, you and me can celebrate when i get home.” I added my hands on her shoulder.
“ I don't want to celebrate with them, I want to celebrate with you plus I am not going to drive all the way to London alone again.” she said with the cutest pouty bossy face. Before I had any chance to respond she added. “ Come with me. It's time to introduce you to the team.”
Shocked, I said “ Lesi I don't do anything you are not comfortable with, you are high on adrenaline baby.”
She didn't mind anything I said, she took my hand and slapped passed security and she led me to the changing room.
The music was loud, everybody was dancing, eating pizza, hugging, and taking pictures. I felt so out of place so I tried to stop Lessi but with no luck. Nobody saw us come in, we went undetected until she shut the music off, which earned her a glare from all the team.
“ i know, I know but I wanted to share with you something very important. '' she apologized for the music. '' This beautiful young woman next to me is my girlfriend. She and I have been dating since I was at United and she is now pregnant with our first child. That's it you can now go back to celebrating.” she said and turned the music back on. All of the team’s jaws were on the floor. Leah shut the music off again and said “ you mean to tell us that you are in a secret relationship and you are going to have a secret child why didn't you tell us dumbass.”
“ What Leah here means to say is that you two are welcome. We love you already and we love you baby too right Leah.” said Kim the captain which Leah nodded to.
The encounter was wholesome, I felt welcomed by the girls who wanted to learn everything about us. That night was filled with stories, jokes and laughter.
After we were done celebrating I got on the bus with them and sat next to alessia.
“ I don't want to go home and cuddle with you so that I can get better.” she said her hands on my bump and her head on my shoulder which earned her a kiss on her head.
“ I love you baby and I am so proud of you. x
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barcaatthemoon · 5 months
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unlucky || alessia russo x reader ||
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alessia gets sick and has to miss out on the conti cup final, bringing up some feelings for both of you.
one thing you had learned early on about alessia was that she was not as slick as she thought. you had noticed alessia coming down with whatever was going around the training grounds just a couple days before the game. the conti cup final was a big deal, and alessia wanted so badly to win with arsenal, but you knew that wasn't going to happen.
arsenal's chances were good, but there was no way that alessia was making it to the game. she had been bedridden the day before with a migrane and a fever. alessia played it off like a minor headache, but you could hear the whimpers whenever she thought you weren't paying attention.
that morning, alessia had gotten out of bed and dressed herself up for the game. she had nearly managed to make it out of the apartment without waking you up. the crash in the living room from alessia tripping over herself was more than enough to have you running into the living room. you weren't exactly surprised to find alessia sitting on the floor, but you were definitely disappointed.
"come on, back to bed with you." you reached out to help her up onto her feet. alessia looked utterly miserable as you dragged her back into the bedroom. "what were you thinking less? you're still burning up!"
"i've got a game, and it's an important one," alessia told you. "i can't miss this, it's the final."
"you don't have a choice, and neither do i. if you really want to go, we can watch and support our friends, but you aren't playing," you told her. alessia pouted as she settled back in the bed with you. as much as you wanted her to get better, you were somewhat grateful that she was still too sick to really argue with you.
alessia was fairly quick to fall back sleep, still dressed in her kit. you usually loved watching alessia sleep, but this wasn't the same. alessia tossed and turned in bed, never quite able to get comfortable. your heart ached for her, knowing that the look on her unconscious face wasn't just because of her illness.
winning with arsenal was a big deal to alessia. she wanted to hold that trophy up for the gunners alongside her team. it was all alessia had been talking about since she signed. the season had gone well, even if there had been quite a few wrenches thrown into the plan. each of those times, alessia had been the picture of optimistic, but today she seemed utterly defeated.
"hey, how are you feeling lovely?" you asked alessia as she started to wake up. she sounded a lot less congested, but you weren't going to suggest going to the game for her. if she felt up to it, you were sure that she'd say something to you.
"i feel like everything i've worked towards doesn't matter," alessia grumbled. you sighed as you turned onto your stomach. the look on alessia's face was even worse now that she was awake. you didn't think that you had seen her look so upset since the world cup final. "i don't get it. i work so hard all of the time. why can't i catch a fucking break?"
"lessi, baby," you sighed. you tried to move in to comfort her, but alessia slipped out of bed. "come back to bed, please. talk to me, i don't want you to shut down, please."
"no, i can't right now. just, please, give me a few minutes to myself. i'm going for a walk," alessia said. you watched as she put a hoodie on to cover up her jersey. it was hard to watch alessia just walk out like that, but you knew that you had to give her space. she didn't ask for it often, and you knew better than to try and get close when she resorted to that.
you tried to stay in the bedroom, but you couldn't just sit there and wait for her all afternoon. it was hard, but you managed to get through most of your afternoon with alessia gone. she had sent you a couple of texts promising that she'd be fine, but that didn't stop your worrying. it didn't help that alessia's walk out turned into a pint before she made her way to the stadium to watch the game.
a part of you wanted to go and support your club, but you stayed in the apartment. you felt like alessia's bad luck was all your fault. the only times in the decade that you'd known her that she had gotten like this was after the two of you had begun seeing each other. it was like every single loss in alessia's life was your fault. she had hit a string of bad luck, and you were at the center of it.
sometime during the game, you had pulled out a few bottles of alcohol from the fridge. by the end of the game, you were definitely way past tipsy. you laid your head down, prepared to rest for a moment before you called the girls to congratulate them. instead, you completely passed out, only to wake up to alessia carrying you back into the bedroom in the middle of the night.
"less?" you cracked your eyes open. your head was killing you already, as if the alcohol had worn off just enough to give you a taste of what you'd get in the morning. "what time is it?"
"it's just a bit past 10. sorry that i stayed out so long," alessia apologized. she laid you down in the bed and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "the girls missed you in the locker room. katie tried to facetime you, she thought something was wrong."
"something is wrong, and it's all my fault. i'm like your little bad luck charm," you mumbled. you never would have said that sober, and alessia tried not to think about how long you had felt that way. "all the bad things happen because of me, and i'm sorry. you should leave me, find yourself a lucky girl because i'm like a goddamn black cat."
"i don't want a lucky girl. i don't think you're unlucky at all, not one bit," alessia told you. she pressed a kiss to the top of your head as the two of you settled down comfortably. you knew that it'd only be for a moment, but you were happy in her arms. "you didn't get me sick. in fact, you took off from your recovery to help me get better today. any time that i need something, you practically trip over yourself to get it for me."
"excuse me, but we are not all as clumsy as you, ma'am," you joked. alessia shoved your shoulder as you laughed at your own joke. "i'd do anything for you. missing today hurt me too, but i'm glad that you went to watch the game instead of getting drunk like me."
"oh my god, i'm an idiot!" alessia exclaimed. you flinched at the sudden shouting fit, which alessia quietly apologized for as she gave you a quick squeeze.
"i don't think you're an idiot, less." you leaned up to press a kiss to her cheek.
"you're injured. you've been injured for months now, and i miss one game because of a cold and i bitch all about it. i'm so sorry, i didn't even think about your feelings. how could i be so inconsiderate?" alessia looked like she was about to cry as she came to the realization that she had moped around for most of the day with you. you had gotten used to knowing that you'd miss things because of your injury, and alessia was always painfully careful about the things she chose to celebrate.
"don't beat yourself up, it's fine. i knew when i went down that it wasn't going to be on the six weeks side of things. this was big for you, and it was your dream to win with arsenal. you had to sit out on this game, but by this time next year, you won't remember how bad it felt when you're scoring hat tricks left and right," you said. alessia smiled, and you knew that she was thinking about that feeling. "but before you can do any of that, you've got to rest and get better."
"i don't know what i'd do without you sometimes," alessia admitted. she felt a bit foolish about how she had acted earlier, even if you repeatedly let her know that her feelings were valid.
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ramp-it-up · 23 days
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Mood
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Summary: You and Steve were “special” friends. Until something that happens on one of your training missions puts Steve into a mood.
Word count: 2.7K
Pairing: Early CATWS era Captain Steve Rogers x SHEILD Reader
Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. Not Beta’d. Read at your own risk. S MUT! Early CATWS Steve, talk of hurt, ambush, implied assualt. Angsty, moody Steve, Steve with the urge to kill for you, possessive Steve, Steve pining for reader, idiots in love, Dom Steve, fuck buddies to relationship, fluff, Captain and Sir kink, dirty talk, edging (but not quite), begging, body worship, nipple play, raw p in v, female receiving oral, emotional sex.
A/N: This can be seen as adjacent to the fic Call Me Captain When I..., but can be read as a stand alone. I was in a mood when I wrote it, so here we are.
I no longer have a taglist. Please follow @rampitupandread and turn on notifications to learn when I post! 😘
NOTICE: I Do NOT Consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.
------
After you checked yourself out of the hospital against doctor’s orders, Steve Rogers steamed as he waited for you to get out of the shower. He wanted to be in there with you, but decided to give you some space, and give him some time to cool down.
The fact that you were standing at the visitor’s entrance, in your hospital gown and combat boots as he drove up to sit with you, was the latest thing to get him riled up.
When he saw you, he parked in the fire lane and got out of his car, hands on his hips as he questioned you.
“What the hell are you doing out here?”
He eyed the bandage on your forehead and the one on your cheek, fingers trembling as he brushed his thumb over your bruised face.
The rage had not subsided for him over the past three days. 
Even after he and Sam beat the medivac to the scene and transported you to the best ER in the area.
Even after he was assured that you were ok by the doctors at the hospital. 
Even after you protested that he was overreacting when he set up a security detail at your door headed by Sam. 
Even after he’d found who did this to you and… well, seeing you bruised countenance again reignited his emotions.
He wondered how you got around Sam who was posted up. But then, your cunning and skill was a big part of how he felt about you. So was your kindness, intelligence, and beauty.
But you didn’t know exactly how Steve felt about you. And perhaps he didn’t either. Until you were ambushed on a routine training mission with your troops.
You lifted your chin and squared your shoulders as Steve shook his head. 
“I’m fine, Captain. I want to go home. I’ve been in the hospital for four days. And on the training mission for 10 days before that. I was due to be discharged in the morning anyway.”
You looked up at Steve. He couldn’t resist those eyes.
“I want to rot on my couch, sleep in my own bed.”
Steve grunted his assent, although the thin line of his lips indicated his displeasure with you.
“How’s your head feel?”
You met his eyes and focused, if only to prove how healthy you were.
“I’m fine, Steve. I just want to go home.”
Steve stared at you, wanting to just take you into his arms, but not doing it. Then, he stared around the parking lot, scanning the perimeter for anyone watching.
“Get in.”
He moved next to you and picked up the plastic bag that had your belongings in it, and put his hand on your back to guide you toward the sportscar.
“But my ride...”
Steve looked down at you as his jaw clenched, the blue fire in his eyes threatening to burn you.
“Get in before I take you over to that bench and spank the hell out of you, Lieutenant.”
You swallowed a gasp and grew warm at the threat.
“Yes Sir.”
You climbed into the passenger seat and sat back as Steve buckled you in, then waved at Sam, who’d come running out of the hospital just as Steve drove away.
You were along for the ride of this mood of your superior, friend, and fuck buddy Captain America, Steve Rogers.
—-
You stood before Steve, wrapped up in your soft, fluffy white robe that he had put into the dryer to warm up and left on the hook on the door of the shower. It was such a sweet gesture that contrasted his cold, harsh demeanor on the way to your place.
You felt as if you were about to be punished, but you didn’t care. You were exhausted. And just a little bit spooked. But that last part was lessened, because Steve was with you here in your quarters. You looked at him, wanting to ask him to stay, but you didn’t.
Steve stalked toward you, and you noticed that he was barefoot, which seemed to indicate that he wasn’t going anywhere soon. You smiled as you dragged your weary eyes up to his face. You decided to go for it.
“Are you staying?”
Steve grunted at you again.
“Just try and get me to leave you alone.”
His deep bass rumbled through you, and you whimpered, despite the fact that he wasn’t even touching you. Something seemed off as he moved toward you, pulling you closer by the tie on your robe.
“I’ve been riding on the edge of insanity ever since that day.”
Steve’s hand was in your hair, gently massaging the exposed scalp between your braids as his eyes took careful stock of your face.
You were shook.
“I’m okay, Steve.”
“I’ve got to see for myself.”
All he wanted to do was to take inventory of you, his rough fingers moving over every inch of your naked body to make sure that every bit of you was okay. He’d almost lost you and was experiencing an almost feral urge to consume you. You could feel the guilt radiating off him.
“Steve. No one could have known. Shit, I’m head of intelligence and I didn’t know.…”
Steve put his finger to his lips, and then yours. He gently stroked your cheek as he kissed you tenderly, carefully.
“Why do you always taste so good? Like you smell. Like sweet coconut…”
He leaned in to kiss you again, groaning as every gentle stroke of his tongue was met with a bolder one of yours. The passion increased until he pulled away and leaned his forehead against yours. You could tell that he was holding back. 
What was wrong with him?
“I know that no one could have known that the mission was a trap. But I feel like I should have.”
His hands moved from your neck, to your torso, down your belly, to the juncture of your thighs. He was sitting on your bed as you stood before him, warmed by the shower, but goosebumps raised on your flesh and your nipples formed into tight peaks as he examined you.
“I’ve never felt the urge to kill as much as I did when I tracked them down. It only took a day and a half to find them, and then a day and a half to get close enough to… “
Steve stopped short of revealing what happened to the people who hurt you and just looked into your eyes. The fury you saw as he looked up at you was chilling, yet arousing. You wanted to ask what he did to them, but you couldn’t. You just looked at his hands to find evidence that you knew wouldn’t be there because of his super soldier healing.
“Steve?”
He didn’t respond to you, just continued to stare at your most intimate parts.
“Captain-”
He looked up at you then.
“What I said at the hospital earlier. I-I have a serious desire to give you a good and proper spanking for almost losing your life, although it wasn’t your fault.”
You started to laugh, but he was serious. The look in his eyes was unlike anything you’d ever seen before.
“I can’t give you up. I can’t.”
You shook your head.
“Steve, I’m fine-”
He pulled you to him by your thighs, his large hands grabbing you, gently but firmly, and bringing your crotch close to his mouth. He looked back up at you.
“I know we’ve never talked about this, but…You are my anchor.”
You ran your hands through his hair as his breath tickled your clit.
“I had the barest control while Sam and I were flying to get you, and only a small bit more when I learned you were okay. And now I have to verify that you are ‘fine,’ as you say. I need to see it with my own eyes, feel it with my own hands, taste it ….”
The unspoken part of that statement caused you to shudder as he went back to examining you, His hands moving down your legs, while listening for any sounds of discomfort from you as his skin slid along yours with a gentle but firm pressure, then standing up and depositing you on the bed as he examined you to the soles of your feet.
He placed one of your feet on his pelvis, next to what you’d discovered was his rock hard cock housed in his jeans, and one foot in his hand, beginning to massage it. Steve knew how a sensual foot massage made you wet. He grunted in response to your whimpers, but only turned you over as he examined the back of you.
Steve palmed the globes of your ass and pulled them apart, and you could feel his eyes at the crease of you for a full minute. Then, his palms slid upwards to your spine, smoothing over each vertebrae as he moved up to the back of your neck.
He was on the bed now, between your legs, and pulled your hips up to meet him as he gently circled your neck with his fingers, bringing you up slightly as his other hand rolled and pinched your stiff nipples. 
“How do you feel?”
His gruff whisper, full of need and at the shell of your ear elicited a groan and caused you to roll your hips on his rock-hard erection.
“Steve.. I… Please!”
You incoherently pleaded for more as you moved against the stiff fabric of his jeans, making a mess there. Steve looked down and rolled his eyes, his hand rubbing your ass as his palm itched to smack it.
“Mmmmmm. You have no idea how much I want to give you this cock. But you need rest.”
You reached back and slapped your own ass, pulling on your asscheek to enable him to push deeper between your legs to feel how wet you were.
“We also need to talk…”
Steve shuddered at the sensation of you rutting against him, and with every gasp and moan from you his control was dwindling. 
“I need it Sir. Please, Captain…”
“Fuck. Maybe just one orgasm. Then you can rest.”
You leaned down to give him that arch and he licked his lips. His cock was in full control of him now.
“Best idea ever, Captain.”
His hand moved to your core, and his fingers were instantly soaked with your arousal.
“Jesus. Looks so good.”
Steve’s dick throbbed and he gritted his teeth against the wave of lust, yet he stood up and took off his own clothes. He watched your empty pussy clench around air and he had to taste it. The minute his lips were wrapped around your clit from behind was the moment you started keening for him.
“God, yes….right… fucking…right there!”
Steve carefully inserted a finger into your cunt as he suckled your clit, trying to be gentle. You bit your lip as he pulled off and started to withdraw his finger slowly.
“So soft for me. But so tight.”
He watched your face as he added another digit, causing your eyes to squeeze shut and your mouth to hinge open as you worked your hips on his hand for some relief.
Your eyes popped open and you blinked rapidly, but he didn’t speed up to the insistence of your hips. When he curved his fingers and found that bundle of nerves inside, pressing gently, you broke apart as he stroked over and over again.
 "I–God. I'm going…" 
You bowed your body, and Steve watched in awe while your pussy clamped around his fingers.
“Oh yeah. This was what I needed to see. Give it to me.”
Steve rolled his thumb over your clit to extend your orgasm. You open and completely out of control, with no thought of hurt or danger, was the sight that he loved.
 And he wanted to make you do it again and again.
“Jesus, you are beautiful. I want to...” 
He was fisting his cock and watching your wet, creamy folds as he squeezed your ass for a better view.
“Want more. Please!” 
“Hmmph,” He grunted. “Don’t want to hurt you.”
You leaned over again and presented yourself to him, giving him a view of your fingers working your clit and sliding inside yourself. 
“Fuck me, Captain. Please…”
Steve actually whimpered. His cock was drawn to you magnetically.
“Are you sure…?”
“Need it.” 
Steve cupped your ass harder and guided his cock to your slick, heated cunt and groaned.
“Oh shit. You fucking own me.” 
Your eyes widened in shock, and then you looked over your shoulder, locking onto his gaze. You relaxed, causing Steve to sink deeper inside you. You both hissed and Steve’s eyes closed. 
“I’m never leaving. Could stay inside you forever. Wanna see that beautiful face.”
Steve grabbed your leg and shifted you down and around, maneuvering you onto your back. His eyes raked up and down your form as his hands found your hips and drew you closer to him and his cock deep inside you again. He leaned down and captured your lips in a heated kiss as you arched your chest against his. 
You dug your nails into his shoulders, his name a chanted mantra between kisses. With each slide and retreat of his stiff cock in your slick channel, both of your groans got louder. Steve’s gaze occasionally dipped to where you were joined, watching his cock slide in and out of you. You arched your back again, and he dipped his head to draw one of your nipples into his mouth. 
"I. Yes. Harder. Oh God. Oh my God." 
Against your nipple he muttered, "Let me hear you. So good.”
But he didn’t fuck you harder like you asked. Your response was to tug on his hair, and Steve chuckled around the flesh of your breast. 
“I love the sounds you make.”
You moaned loudly, very wet now and very frustrated. The sound of the slick squelching of your act was such sinful music. Steve groaned, his jaw ticked tight from holding back.
“Please!”
But Steve just continued at the same languid pace.
“Later, when you’ve rested, I have plans for these babies,” Steve flattened his tongue and licked around both areolas. 
“Gonna lick, bite, kiss, fuck them. Be rough.”
You shuddered as he leaned up and blew on them, causing your nipples to draw up into hard peaks again and your pussy to shudder around him. Steve leaned up and stared at your breasts as they bounced with each thrust and he shook his head as his pace faltered. You clenched around him again and he spoke, his voice broken.
“I know you’re close. Feel so good around me.”
Steve looked into your eyes as he snapped his hips, and your mouth went wide again as he worked his hand between you and found your sensitive clit. 
Your eyes crossed as your slick walls clamped around his cock and milked him. 
"That's it. Cum for me. I'm so addicted to the sight." 
With three more pumps, Steve was coming apart, his control falling away. Another orgasm rolled through you and you tightened around him once more, causing a groan from Steve as you rode out the wave. 
“Holy fuck.” 
He kissed you again, licking into your mouth as he continued to thumb your clit. Good Lord, it was impossible to think at all when he did that. You were a whimpering mess as you begged him again.
“Please Captain. Give me your cum, Sir. Cum inside me.”
Steve buried his head in your shoulder as he sped up incrementally, his cursing muffled against your skin. You rolled your hips to meet him, making him groan again. You turned your head to bite, then whisper in his ear.
“I’m gonna cum on your thick cock again. Just fuck me. A little harder. Just three more pumps and I’m there. Pretty please, Sir.”
You wrapped your legs around his waist as Steve finally let go and gave you three hard, deep pumps, but as you predicted, he could not stop there.
Steve cursed and fucked you hard, stroking at the devil’s pace for at least a dozen more times, roaring as you stiffened and clamped down on his cock as you came.
“G-g-g-geeez! Fuck!”
Steve was a drooling, practically sobbing mess as the forcefull spray of his cum shot against your cervix, so much so that it leaked out almost immediately. Steve stopped and watched the sight, gasping, mouth open. Then, he looked back up at you.
“Everything about you, about us is so damn perfect. Especially this. We almost lost it. I love you, Libby.”
Your heart surged with emotion, finally understanding what had gotten into him.
“I love you too, Steve.”
You smiled and wiped the tears that were forming at the corner of Steve’s eyes as he softened inside you. 
“Shhhhh. Steve. It’s okay. I’m okay. Let’s take this one day at a time. Right now, we both need to sleep. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
Steve nodded and sank down into your arms as you held onto your super soldier and rocked both of you to sleep.
——
If you liked it, hit Reblog! 😊
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msmk11 · 1 month
Note
Heyyy, I just saw that you were taking requests for Tangerine x Readers, and I was wondering if you could write something like Tangerine and reader being fwb before the whole bullet train thingy, and she catches feelings but he's super distant (bro has serious attachment issues) so he pushes her away and is a bitchy manchild about it (LOTS AND LOTS OF ANGST but it has a fluffy ending) (smutty too if ur comfortable with it) ofc u can ignore this request if u don't want to, and I'd write it myself but I have zero motivation rn and I js wanna cry and then giggle😭🫶
And I Have To Live With It, For the Rest of My Life
Tangerine x fem!reader
WC: 3.4k
CW: HEAVY ANGST; slut shaming; booze/being drunk; fighting; cursing; lack of aftercare; mentions of sex; Tangerine is a HUGE asshole. Tiny fluff ending.
A/n: Hi love! Thanks for requesting! Sorry this took so long I just needed to find inspo. I’m also sorry for the lack of smut (and fluff tbh,) I just don’t take smut requests. As for fluff, I did want a “happy ending” but it felt cheap to try and go from ANGST to “everything is perfect again” in such few words. Maybe I’m just traumatized, but I have a hard time forgiving quickly lol and I think that shows here.
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Everything was really, really good.
So of course you had to go and ruin it.
People say you can’t control matters of the heart and you think that it’s a load of bullcrap. Why not? Why couldn’t you have control over your heart?
And why did you have to catch feelings for Tangerine?
It isn’t part of the deal. Tangerine is a business partner. An acquaintance. A friend. A friend you occasionally fuck.
Your relationship with Tangerine was always supposed to be casual. No strings attached- business was simply business and fucking simply fucking. But then your heart got involved.
What’s one supposed to do?
Certainly not keep going back to the captor of one’s heart.
So of course that’s exactly what you do.
You’re laying in your hotel bed, completely naked, covers pooled around your waist. You and Tangerine just finished having sex and he’s already up and moving about, throwing on his clothes that had been discarded on the floor somewhere in your flurry of lust. Instead of saying anything, you just watch him in all his glory. You admire his tousled post-sex hair, curls askew, the way his back muscles ripple as he bends down to sweep his shirt up off the ground, and the way his fingers deftly button up his shirt.
“Got a meeting to head off to?” You ask casually.
Translation: Please don’t run off so soon if you don’t have to. Stay.
Tangerine’s eyes flit to yours briefly before he bends down to tie his shoes, “something like that.”
“Mhmm.”
You pull the covers up to your neck, suddenly feeling very vulnerable so bare and exposed to Tangerine who’s nearly fully dressed.
“You got a comb?” the brunette asks you gruffly as he straightens his suit jacket.
You nod towards the bathroom, “yeah, in there.”
He gives you no reply, only walking into the bathroom and shutting the door with a resounding thud.
Your stomach clenches painfully and your heart aches. The indifference with which Tangerine treats you hurts so badly. You’d rather him hate you then act like this. At least you’d know that he felt something, anything.
Is it too early for a drink?
The bathroom door opens again and Tangerine walks out, looking as though nothing ever happened. To him, nothing probably has. Nothing of consequence, at least.
“Well, I’m heading out. See you for our debrief tonight at nine.”
Tangerine begins to walk towards the door.
“Wait!” you call out.
You stop him just in time, his hand frozen on the handle. You swear he visibly tenses at your words, “what?”
“Could- could you at least get me a towel? Please?”
He doesn’t even look at you before nodding, “Yeah.”
He disappears into the bathroom for a moment before reappearing with a towel in hand. Tangerine, it seems, doesn’t even have the decency to walk the towel over to you. Instead, he tosses it across the room, almost hitting you in the face.
“Thanks.”
Shame pools in your stomach and you keep your gaze on the towel in your hands.
Tangerine grumbles a reply and then makes for the door so quickly that there’s no chance for you to say anything more.
Your heart sinks at the possibility that Tangerine might know you have feelings for him.
*****
You’ve already found a secluded spot in the hotel lounge and have a drink in hand when the twins appear downstairs. They take a seat across from you wordlessly and Tangerine lifts his hand in the air gracefully, motioning for a cocktail waitress to come take his order. Lemon and him order their drinks, and you ask for a second. It bothers you severely when you catch Tangerine winking at the waitress out of the corner of your eye.
You down the rest of your drink in one gulp and ignore how it burns your throat.
“Right, so the job’s done. When are we getting out of here?” Lemon asks tiredly.
“We,” Tangerine says, pointing between him and his brother, “are out of here first thing in the morning, “I’ve booked our tickets for a 5 am flight.”
“And her?” Lemon responds, pointing to you.
Tangerine barely glances at you, but you can see his jaw tense, “the job’s done. Figured she’s a fucking big girl who can handle getting herself home. Isn’t that right, love?”
Condescension drips from Tangerine’s words and it makes your stomach drop. You refrain from saying what you really want to and instead assume a relaxed persona, “mhmm, always right you are. I arranged for my travel last night.”
You, luckily, weren’t lying, though you had ordered a car big enough for three. More room for you, you guess.
The waitress comes back with your drinks and you eagerly take yours. When she asks if you need anything else, you can tell that she’s really only talking to Tangerine. Still, you tell her yes, asking for a third drink.
Lemon eyes you, “you haven’t even touched your second drink and now you’re ordering a third?”
You shrug your shoulders nonchalantly and lean back in your chair, “I’ve got the money to spend on it now that we each just made what, nearly 12,000 pounds?”
Lemon smirks in celebration and holds out his drink to you, “cheers.”
You clink glasses but Tangerine doesn’t join in, a perpetual frown gracing his face.
“Ya really wanna get fucking sloshed before ya travel tomorrow?” the brunette suddenly chimes in- rather judgmentally, you might add.
“Who said anything about sloshed, Tangerine? I can hold more than you think.”
While your answer is confident, even combative, on the inside, your heart leaps into your throat and pounds desperately. You think you might explode.
“Still, ya certainly don’t have any self-control. Not over ya drinks, your mouth, and most importantly….” Tangerine’s eyes narrow at you, “not over ya emotions.”
Your heart sinks in your chest.
So Tangerine did know about your feelings. Worse? He’s being a right fucking prick about it too. There’s no emotional sensitivity, no respect for privacy, nothing. Serves you right for fucking a cold-blooded assassin.
Unfortunately for you, tears spring to your eyes despite the fury boiling in your stomach, “you wanna talk about control, Tangerine? Let’s talk about how you have so little control over your own feelings that you lash out at others and make them feel like shit, even your own brother, so that you feel better. Let’s talk about how you can’t keep your dick in your pants because you’d rather fuck anything that looks at you than deal with anything real. Let’s talk about how what’s happened between us has made you feel so out of control that you’re willing to go low enough to hash this out in fucking public. You’re a walking disaster, Tangerine, and I feel right fucking sorry for you, I really do.”
You stand up harshly and purposely knock his drink onto his expensive suit. You start to walk away and then turn back, batting your eyelashes innocently, “oh wait, should I get you a fucking towel to clean up? Or would you rather beg me for it?”
You don’t wait for a response and grab a dry towel off a random cleaning rack, throwing it right in his fucking face.
*****
Tangerine glares after you as you storm off.
“What the bloody fuck was that all about?” Lemon protests.
Tangerine ignores Lemon and instead curses loudly before chasing after you. He could not let you have the last fucking word. He catches you right in time, hand stopping the doors of the elevator you’re in.
You look up at him startled, and your shocked expression is quickly replaced with an angry one.
“What the fuck, Tangerine? Get out of here!”
“Ya don’t get to fucking talk to me like that and spill my drink all over me and then just walk away.”
“Why not,” you scoff, “you ran away as soon as you were done using me to jack off. It only seems fair.”
The elevator doors slide shut and the car begins to move upwards slowly.
“Yeah, well that’s usually what happens when ya casually fuck someone. But I don’t think ya have a casual bone in your body- always stomping around being a dramatic attention-whore.”
Tangerine watches your eyes narrow and jaw harden, “there’s a difference between being causal and being a huge dick, Tangerine. I should’ve known you’d be the latter.”
“And I should’ve known not to mess around with a fucking slut like you.”
Your eyes widen in shock and even Tangerine knows that he’s taken things a little too far. While your effort to fight back your tears is valiant, it’s fruitless, and they begin to stream down your face.
“Fuck you, Tangerine. You know, I never expected you to return my feelings, and I’m sorry I crossed a line by falling for you. Swear to fucking god I wish I didn’t. But you- you’ve just crossed an unforgivable line, and I never want to see you again. Have a fucking nice life.”
The elevator doors slide open and you scurry out. This time, Tangerine doesn’t follow you.
*****
After everything that happened with Tangerine on your last mission, you decided to take an indefinite hiatus from work and just focus on yourself.
One of your goals? Fuck your feelings for Tangerine out of you. So of course, you’d been spending a lot of nights out at the bars, seducing all the eligible bachelors of the city into your bed.
You hope that it’s working.
Tonight is no different from the rest- you dressed up in one of your sexy outfits sitting at the bar of some new local pub. You’ve already eyed a muscular blonde about your age from across the bar and motion for him to come over.
He complies and makes his way to you, a cocky smirk on his face.
“Hey gorgeous,” you tease, looking him up and down.
The man takes a seat next to you, “Hullo, love. What’s a pretty girl like you doing sitting at the bar all by herself?”
You shrug nonchalantly, “looking for a handsome man. Like you, I suppose.”
He cocks his eyebrow at you, “you suppose?”
“Always hard to tell in this type of lighting.”
The blonde bites his lip and eyes you, “I can promise you I’m handsome.”
“We’ll see.”
“I’m Matt,” he says, extending his hand.
You respond with your name and grasp his hand. You’re expecting a handshake, but instead he brings your knuckles to his lips and kisses them softly.
“Pleasure to meet you.”
Damn this man is smooth.
“Really, the pleasure is all mine, Matt,” you respond, trying not to appear too flustered.
“Can I get you a drink?”
“Yeah, sure. Surprise me though.”
Matt orders the two of you drinks and you take the time to ogle him. He’s perfect.
But not as per-
Nope.
No, you don’t have time to think about him.
Matt hands you the mysterious concoction and you eye him, “what is it?”
“Just drink,” he nods, “promise it’s good.”
You take a small sip and it’s sweet. It’s yummy, and you take another, larger sip.
“Oh shit, this is good.”
“Told you.”
“Can I know what it is now?”
“No way. Need to hold this above you so you keep coming back to me to ask for another.”
You chuckle and look down, “okay Mr. Smooth-Talker. That was pretty good.”
“I can do a lot more than that,” he says seductively. His hand slides out casually and finds a home on your thigh.
You inhale sharply in pleasant surprise and lean towards him, “oh really?”
Matt leans in towards you too, “yeah, like-“
Just as you’re about to kiss him you hear a loud shout.
“Hey, get your hands off her!”
You startle at the sound and turn to see who could possibly be yelling like a maniac inside this bar. You’re also curious to know who’s the one getting yelled at.
Your stomach drops when you realize that you’re the target. And the yeller?
Tangerine.
“Oh my fucking God,” you curse, resting your forehead in your hands.
Tangerine comes stalking towards you.
“Uh, who the fuck is that?” Matt asks warily.
“My ex….fuck-buddy? Friend-with-benefits? I don’t know, it was complicated. But a piece of shit- that’s what he is.”
“What the fuck are you doing, mate?” Tangerine yells at Matt when he approaches you two. His words slur together and you can tell he’s really, really drunk.
“I could ask you the same thing,” Matt says gruffly.
“I’m not the one getting handsy with someone else’s girl,” the brunette snarls.
You scoff loudly, “Your girl? That’s rich Tangerine. Last I recall I was just a slut you fucked.”
Tangerine’s expression softens just the slightest and you almost think you clock regret in his eyes.
“Look, mate, you’re drunk. So get your ass out of here before I hand it to you,” Matt threatens.
Tangerine is sent back into his rage and steps toward Matt menacingly, “you little fucking,”
“Okay,” you shout, stepping in between them and putting a hand on each of their chests, “that’s enough.”
“Tangerine, go. home,” you growl.
“Yeah fucking right I-“
“Just let me take him,” Matt interrupts.
You scan his tense body, “Look, I appreciate it, but you’re not gonna win. Tangerine here is, well, trained. And I don’t want anything to happen to your pretty face. I’ll take care of him.”
“But he’s definitely stronger than you,” Matt protests.
You side eye Tangerine, “he won’t hurt me.”
The blonde’s eyes narrow.
“Physically, at least.”
Matt finally sighs and steps back, “I’ll be waiting here for you.”
You send him a half smile and then turn to the brunette with a glare, “Let’s. Go.”
Then, you literally grab him by the ear and drag him outside the bar. Tangerine lets out a string of curses and tries to fight back a little before he finally gives up.
When you get outside you let go of his ear and shove him, “What the fuck was that, Tangerine?”
“I was trying to protect you from that git,” he slurs.
“Tangerine, you’re the git. You’re the one that hurt me. It’s you I need protection from.”
Tangerine’s tough guy facade crumbles right before your eyes into one of remorse. He suddenly looks years beyond his age and crumples down onto the sidewalk, back pressed to the wall.
You look down at him with disgust. His hair is all over the place, his clothes are a complete mess, and he reeks of booze.
“I’m calling Lemon.”
With shaky hands you dial his number.
He picks up rather quickly and you can hear the confusion in his voice when he answers, “uh, hello?”
“Lemon, come get your fucking brother.”
*****
Although Matt was everything you could’ve hoped for, your night was ruined after Tangerine left. Luckily, Matt was understanding, and you’d exchanged numbers to meet up another day.
When you’d gotten home from the bar, you’d broken down completely. All of the anger, betrayal, frustration and sadness that had been pent up within you for weeks burst forth like a raging storm. You’d sobbed and screamed and even pitched a picture frame of you, Tangerine, and Lemon across the room, shattering it. The broken glass was a problem for later-you, and you’d ended up falling asleep on your couch, still in your bar clothes.
Loud bangs are what startle you awake hours later, and you curse as you flail off the couch. You hit the floor with a thud and groan. Now, not only is your head pounding, but your back will be all beat up too.
The pounding on your door continues and you curse whoever is making a ruckus this early.
You yank the door open, “what the fuck do you want?”
The last person you expect to see is on the other side.
Tangerine.
“Fuck off,” you spit before swinging the door shut resoundly.
Except the door doesn’t close because Tangerine’s foot catches it.
“Fuck me,” he groans in pain.
The brunette shoves the door back open and you smirk, “that’s what you get for being in places you don’t belong. Now get the hell out of my apartment.”
“Wait, wait. Please, just give me a chance to talk to ya. And then, if ya want, you never have to fucking see my face again.”
You don’t reward him with a response and instead just walk away, sighing.
Tangerine takes this as an invitation and walks inside your apartment, letting the door shut gently behind him. You beeline straight to where you left off on the couch, paying him no mind.
The idiot must not be paying attention because you hear the crackle of glass beneath his shoes and a quiet curse.
Tangerine goes silent and you stiffen, listening closely. You hear the pings of shattered glass being sifted through and then his footsteps as he nears your spot on the couch.
“I forgot about this picture,” he rasps.
“Well you can fucking have it. I don’t want it anymore.”
“Can I- can I sit?”
You briefly glance over at Tangerine and look him up and down. You don’t respond, only nodding.
Though he, like you, is still in his clothes from last night, he looks ten times worse. The purple bags under his eyes are heavy and dark, his hair and mustache aren’t groomed, his button up is missing a few buttons, and his shoes are untied. Maybe it’s bad to say, but you revel in how miserable and pathetic he looks.
“You look fucking awful,” you remark, venom heavy in your tone.
“And ya look like you’ve been crying.”
“Well no shit, Tangerine. Sort of happens when someone you thought was your friend turns out to be a big fucking prick. “
He looks down at his feet and shuffles awkwardly, “I know. I’ve uh, that’s why I came here to talk to ya. To apologize.”
You scoff and look at him with disbelief, “okay now you want to apologize? Only when you’ve fucking hit rock bottom you wanna mend things?”
“Love, no I, I’ve been wanting to since that night in the fucking elevator I-“
“Don’t call me that,” you whisper angrily, lip wobbling in spite of yourself.
“I’m not your love, I’m not your friend, I’m not your anything anymore. We’re done Tangerine, this is over.”
It’s then that the boy you’ve known for almost five years does something you never would have imagined.
He grovels.
He literally gets on his knees before you and grabs your hands tightly, looking up at you with pleading eyes.
“Just listen to me for a second. Please. I want ya to know how fucking sorry I am. Not just for last night, but for everything. I’m sorry I called ya a slut. I’m sorry I was rude, and distant, and an asshole. I’m sorry for fucking you like some piece of meat and then just leaving you behind with no aftercare, no attention, nothing. I’m sorry for being a terrible friend and I’m sorry for not telling you that I love you sooner.”
Tears shine in Tangerine’s blue eyes and he chokes on his next words, “Christ, I love ya so fucking much. And I know I’ve gone and fucked things up now, and that it’s too late. And I have to accept every day for the rest of my life that it’s my fault. I have to live with that. And I will, even though it could kill me. But I don’t know what I would’ve done if I couldn’t tell ya at least once.”
Tangerine’s forehead falls to your knees and his body begins to shake in quiet sobs.
He inhales sharply through his nose, trying to hold back more tears, and looks up at you so sadly. “You’re the best girl out there, and you deserve the best. You deserve to find that with someone. Someone who isn’t me.”
Tears of your own begin to drip from your face and your heart throbs in your chest.
You reach out and cup Tangerine’s jaw so gently it’s as if he could crumble under your fingertips at any second.
“Tangerine,” you whisper.
You search his eyes for any sign of insincerity, of some sign that he’s going to break your heart again. But all you see is true, genuine adoration and vulnerability. Consciously or not, your heart returns to the hands of the one who holds and you pull him in, kissing him softly.
The kiss is sloppy, and salty and wet, but you don’t care, because every peck and sigh and bite is punctuated by what you both know- I love you. I love you. I love you.
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sarawritestories · 7 months
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Unwavering Presence Chapter 9
Cassian X Archeron Sister (Reader)
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Summary: Cassian notices that Y/N skipped training after their night at Rita's. The group heads to the human realms and Y/N reunites with old friends...
Content Warning: Familial trauma/drama, degradation (Consensual), power imbalance, slight fat shaming, so much angst, mentions of death, Nesta being absolutely cruel. Foot stuff (Its quick I promise).
Word Count 4.5k
A/N: The sneak peak I put up for this chapter got cut and is getting moved to chapter 10 because I decided to end this chapter very differently.
Unwavering Masterlist Chapter 8 ACOTAR Masterlist
Feyre and Rhys left early the next day and I didn’t feel the need to get up for training. I laid in my bed reading my book when there was a knock on my door, “Come in.”
The door creaking open, and Cassian walked in, I glance up to see him in his leathers, “Your sister left with Rhys to go see the weaver.” He leaned against the door frame, and I made an effort to not watch his biceps contort in his uniform. He smirked and flexed his arm, and I rolled my eyes.
My gaze fell back over my book, and I flipped the page, “You know I don’t know the significance of that. I’m sure Rhys or Feyre will tell me what they’re up to. Why are you here?” I hadn’t meant for there to be a bite in my voice.
“You didn’t come to training.” His tone was soft, and I fought my instinct to look up at him, “I wanted to make sure you were, okay?”
The sound of the page turning was the only noise in my room for a moment, I sighed and closed my book, “Yesterday was a lot.”  I looked at him and shrugged, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Cassian remained silent, he moved to my armoire and my gaze shifted below to and took out my leathers and plopped them on the end of my bed. “Get dressed.”
“Cassian, I’m not in the mood.”
Cassian crossed his arms, “Tough.” The voice of a general talking to his subordinate, “We’re not training, we’re sparring. I expect you downstairs in five minutes.”
I crossed my arms, “What if I don’t come down?”
Cassian walked to the door, he turned back to me with a smirk, “I wouldn’t recommend it, you may not like what happens if you don’t.” He walked away, closing the door behind him. I glared at the door hoping the look seared into his back. I kicked the leathers of the bed and let myself lay back and let sleep consume me.
Cold water collided with my face shocking me up and out of my bed. Cassian stood in front of me with a bucket in his hand a cocky smile on his lips. The cold began to seep into my bones I had to clamp my teeth down to keep from chattering, “What was that for?”
Cassian bent down to pick up the leathers and pressed them into my chest focusing on my eyes and not the fact that my nipples had hardened from the cold and peeking out through my silk nightgown, “I gave you 10 minutes to come down, that was five extra minutes, and you still didn’t come down.”
I bared my teeth at him, and he only chuckled as if he wasn’t threatened by me, this male had seen the worst of humanity, went toe to toe with those people, I bet I barely posed as a threat to him. “I told you I don’t want to train.”
Cassian leaned down to my eye level the smile still lingering and his eyes gleamed with a challenge, “And I told you we’re not training, we’re sparring.” He rose back to his full height as his face softened. “Look, sometimes words don’t help, but you have energy and pent-up things you need to get out. Lucky for you I know someone who can take that on.”
I sighed, annoyed that he was right. I felt the water dripping from my hair and an idea formed in my head, I gave him a saccharine smile, “Alright, Cassie,” I purred as he tilted his head no doubt, confused by the nickname. I’ll give it a chance,” I took a step closer to him, and I could see his neck work as he swallowed. “I am going to need to dry off first.” I shake my head, letting the loose drops of water fly, spraying him in the process.
Cassian took a step back, laughing as the water landed on his skin and his leathers. Once I stopped, I grinned at him satisfied with my work, the hurt of his rejection the night before fading away. “Your trouble, Princess, you know that?” His voice was warm and made the butterflies in my stomach flutter.
Trying to ease those flutters, I shrugged, feigning calm and collected, “I’ll list it right under bad listener.” He laughed again and the sound was so joyous that a part of me would kill anyone who tried to take his joy away. I pressed my hand on his chest and could feel his heartbeat speed up. “Go on, General, I’ll be down in a minute.”
“I’ll have another bucket ready just in case.”  He winked and walked out once more, leaving me to change.
I met him in the backyard of the town house Cassian’s back was to me his wings relaxed the leather pants covering his ass perfectly. “I can feel you staring.” Cassian’s voice made me jump.  He turned to her with a knowing look on her face, “Enjoying the view.”
I crossed my arms and pooped a hip out, “I see an asshole, who threw water on me to get out of bed, I’m not sure if enjoying the view is what I would call it.”
Cassian raised his hand and motioned two fingers, “Come here, Princess.”
I took a step toward him, my neck straining as I had to look up to him. He opened his palms out a silent command. I placed my hands in his and he led me over to the seat. Taking out some white wrappings and he began wrapping one of my hands. I stared at his face and how there is a wrinkle that peaks through when he concentrates. His lips form in a tight line as he ties off my one hand and begins the other. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, though you did just ask me a question.” He looks up at me through his lashes.
I laughed, “I suppose I did.”
His smile remained on his face, finishing up wrapping my hand. “What’s your question?”     
“Did you always want to be a general?” I looked down and noticed that he was still holding my hand.
The little wrinkle returns as he thinks about the question. “No. I didn’t. I didn’t plan to be living the life I do now. When I was a child, I tried to make sure I survived the next day. I never allowed myself to dream of anything more. Not even when Rhys found me in my ratty tent.”
His eyes grew distant, and I pressed my hands against his cheek, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have pried.” His eyes met mine and that distant look disappeared as he twisted his head and lightly pressed his lips to the palm of my hand and my breath hitched.
“Don’t apologize, Princess. We can talk about my childhood at a later time. We’re focusing on you now.” He led me to the mat he had set up. He placed padded mittens on his hands. “Now remember what I taught you and just hit my pads as hard as you can.”
I held up my fist the way he showed me I didn’t move to throw a punch. “What if I hurt you?”
“I’ll live, Sweetheart. I’m not easily breakable.”
I glared, “And I am?”
“Did I say that? No. Now come on.” His voice was firm but still gentle. I threw the first punch,           “Good again!” I punched the other hand. He keeps praising me and encourages me to go harder. “Now tell me what’s bothering you.”
Continuing my punches, the words tumbled out “I’m anxious about going back to the human realm and seeing my sisters. I’m terrified about this impending war.” The words kept pouring out, “I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I’m terrified that when Feyre outlives me, she’s going to forget about me. That everyone here will forget me when I die.” I dropped my fists.
“Sweetheart,” Cassian started reaching out to me and I stepped out of reach. His face fell slightly.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered and before I could run to my room, Rhys and Feyre winnowed to the backyard and Feyre looked ready to throttle Rhysand as she walked inside. Refusing to meet Cassian’s gaze, I followed after Feyre.
I walked into her room, and she was flinging various objects around her room. “Feyre? What happened?”
My twin paused and looked at me, “He almost had me killed. The weaver almost killed me. For a stupid ring!”
I felt the familiar scrape against my shield. I let him in. You almost killed my sister for a ring?
That’s a bit dramatic. The ring was an object to test if the sentiment of like calls to like. The ring is also very sentimental to me.
In what way?
It was my mother’s.
Before I could say anything to him, he left my mind and I put my shield back up. “He is insufferable. How do you enjoy his company? He looked smug when I met him out like he was surprised I survive.”
“He is kind, Fey. Also did he look smug or was he proud because not only did you get the ring, but you also got out using the skills that him and Cassian have been teaching you.” I paused, “Also, despite what you believe he is lovely to stare at.” I give her a wink.
She paused and sat on the bed with an exasperated sigh, and I took a moment to look at my sister. Feyre has gained some of the weight back that she lost after we came back from Under the Mountain. She had been sleeping the dark circles that had stained under her eyes were gone. She was finally healing. I smiled happy that life was coming back into those eyes. “I guess he is quite beautiful. Don’t tell him I said it though. He would never let me live it down,” She smiled.
I snorted and then sadness overtook me at my confession to Cassian. One day she will be walking this world alone, when my mortality takes me to whatever comes after death. Would she miss me? Would she find happiness here and be able to simply move on. Our relationship was not perfect but when her neck snapped, I wasn’t sure I was going survive this life without her. Hopefully, Cassian, Azriel and Rhys will take care of her and make sure she lives when I’m gone.
Feyre slammed me into her chest. “Stop that.” Her face was wet with tears. “Just stop. My life would be nothing without you.”
I blinked and hugged her back, “What?” Had I said those things outside?
She pulled away quickly, “Nothing.” She wiped her tears. I sighed, “So you were fighting with Cassian?”
I nodded, “Yeah.”
“You spend a lot of time with him?”
Another nod, “Yup.”
Feyre raises an eyebrow, “I assume you enjoy his company?”
I laughed, “Feyre, just ask what you want to ask.”
“What’s going on between you two, her eyes went doe eyed with curiosity that it reminded me of Elain.
“We’re friends, he helps me train and we hang out sometimes. Is that why he almost kissed you last night?”
“How?” I asked I thought about who would tell her Azriel wouldn’t have said anything.”
“Mor.” we said in unison. We made eye contact and began laughing.
“I don’t know Fey, he seemed relieved that Mor stepped in. As if he was going to make a grave mistake. Though I enjoy his company, talking with him is easy.”
Feyre nods, “And quite handsome.”
I began to think about his warm hazel eyes and his morning stubble or his raven hair. “Handsome doesn’t begin to cover it.” I look over to Feyre and there is a gleam in her eye and a smirk playing on her lips. “What?”
“You got it bad.” I threw the closest pillow at her, and she caught with, with a cackle. The laughter fades and Feyre leaned her head on the headboard. “Rhys says we’re going to the human realm tomorrow. You, me, Rhys, Cassian and Azriel.”
Dread hit me. The idea of seeing Nesta and Elain made my skin crawl. “It’s going to be a shit show.”
Feyre’s face grimaced as she nodded. “Indeed.”
***
The next day the five of us approached the edge of the forest and the manor my sisters were staying in was in view. Rhys is the first to speak, “I’ll put the glamour on us until you give us the okay to come in.” Feyre nodded, dressed in a fine black chiffon dress with silver lining the dress. I opted for A Black satin gown off the shoulder gown, A blood red belt wrapped around the waist with a bow on the back -compliments to Rhysand- kohl lined my eyes and there was a sheen to my lips.
A hand wrapped around mind the red siphon gleaming from the sun peaking through the trees. “You’re nervous.” It wasn’t a question.
“What makes you say that?” I questioned.
“You’ve been wringing your hands and tearing at your nails since we crossed the border. You were fidgeting in my arms the whole flight here.” He gave my hand a comforting squeeze. “A lot has happened since you last seen them it’s okay to feel these feelings.”
“Thanks, Cassian.” I smiled up at him and with the illumination of the sun behind him he looked like a deity.
He smiled back a full grin this time and kissed the top of my hand. “Did I tell you how beautiful you look today?”
My hear rate sped up and heat crawled to my cheeks. “I don’t think so.”
He smiles, “You look absolutely radiant, Princess.” He looked over to Feyre, “Now go, I’ll be right here should you need me.”
I nodded and I looked at Az and Rhys, Az gave a nod like he understood the challenges of visiting family, and Rhys gave a wink. I walked to Feyre, and we reached the front door, and I took a deep breath and felt the nice breeze and I could have sworn the scent of leather and sandalwood wafted through my nostrils and calmed me.
A maid had opened the door and her mouth fell, “The Archeron Twins,” She murmured in shock. She stepped out of the way for us to walk in. “Please follow me. Your sisters will be so pleased to see you.”
She walked us into a sitting room, Nesta sat on a lounge sofa reading a book, Her gray dress accentuated her curves, her face had a regal grace. Elain was in a chair working on some embroidery, in a pink tulle gown and her hair pinned halfway up with some flowers from her garden, no doubt. “Ladies, your sisters have come home.” The maid announced bowing and walking away from the foyer.
Our sisters’ heads snapped up. Nesta had a cool calculating stare assessing our attire and Elain’s face lit up with joy. She rose and ran, closing the space between us and pulling us both in her arms and I’m stunned by how tightly she hugged us. “Welcome!” She withdrew from the embrace and gripped out hands and Elain took note of the tattoos on our collar bones and the one on Feyre’s arm. “Those are beautiful.”
I smiled, Elain was always kind and always found beauty in everything. Her scent of wildflowers causes my eyes to water. “It’s good to see you, Elain.” Nesta rose and my eyes darted toward her, preparing myself for her to pounce if need be. She stuck her nose up as she approached every bit of the queen, she deemed she should be.
“I’m surprise you’re here.” Nesta said her standard Icy tone. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. “I’m surprise you’re both alive.”
Feyre nodded, “We have a lot to tell you.”
Nesta held down a glare, “So speak.”
I was about to combat her command, but Feyre was the one to speak and she told them everything. Under the mountain, Tamlin sending me to my death, how he locked her up in the house, how we both ended up in the Night Court and all the details we know of the upcoming war.
“Why are you here?” Nesta asked not cutting corners and if she felt anyway of Feyre and I facing death she didn’t show it.
“We need you to open the manor to our friends. High Fae. They would like to have a meeting here with the Human Queens. However, they are stubborn gentlemen, who would like to ask you themselves and of course meet you and thank you for even consideration.” I said straightening my posture preparing myself for the verbal lashing.
“No.” Nesta said firmly not even looking at me. Here we go.
“What?”
“Elain gets married in a month to the Lord’s son. I will not risk this wedding for your silly war.”
“We should help.” Elain spoke up and we all turned to look at her. “Nesta, if the wall comes down, there may not be a wedding.”
I smiled to Elain as Nesta mumbled, “Fine, we’ll send the servants out for the next two days.”
I leaned closer to Elain, “Who’s the lucky guy?”
Elain smiled and showed her ring and Feyre, and I noticed the Iron ring adorned her finger, “His name is Graysen.”
I took a sharp breath, “Lord Graysenn?” I asked and Elain nodded enthusiastically and began going into the details of the wedding.
“Look at our good little maid, Xavier.” Graysen’s voice chuckled as I was on my knees the black dress uniforms his family required for me rising, my tongue grazing against the leather of his boot. Bits of mud and gravel getting into my mouth. “She is working so hard for her family.” He shoves his boot farther into my mouth and I begin to suck as he chuckled. “So hard, tell me what your siblings would say if they found out that you were drooling all over yourself just to make sure food was on the table.”
Muffled noises came from my mouth as drool dripped down to my cleavage that my uniform exposed.
Xavier petted my hair, “So good, maybe if she’s really good, I’ll give her those kisses she craves.” An involuntary moan came out of me, “Oh she likes that idea.” He chuckled. Hands were around my waist pulling me back, as Graysen pulled the boot from my mouth, and had me leaning against his firm chest, “Go ahead and swallow for us, pretty girl.” I did what I was told, and Xavier sang praises in my ear. “How lucky that you got this new maid, Graysen.” I looked at the man’s sharp blue eyes, his blonde hair pulled back in a bun. His thumb grazed my hip in swiping motions. Having been together for a few months his beauty and sharp features
Graysen smirked, “Yes indeed,” Graysen lifted my chin, “Do you like working for me Y/N?”
I nod, “I appreciate you offering me work.”
“Anything for my best friend’s girl.” He patted my cheek. “You can go home, after the rest of my boots get a spit shine.”
“Yes, my lord.” I smiled as Xavier’s hands wandered up my thigh, his teeth nibbling the shell of my ear.
“Xavier, please don’t distract her like you did last week. I had to doc her some of her pay.” Xavier gave him a nod and with that the lord’s son left.
Xavier waisted no time leaving kisses up and down my neck, “Xavier, I need to get this work done.”
“Later,” He growled and kissed me passionately. I moaned into his mouth and his tongue slipped in his hand groping my clothed breast. “You are delicious,” He moves to my jaw and my ear, “I’m really glad I met you.”
I smiled, “Me too, Bab-“he silenced me with a growl and a searing kiss.
“Y/N,” I shook the memory from my head to face my twin concern schooling her features, “Where did you go?”
I shook my head burying the memory farther down. “Nowhere at all.” I smiled but Nesta looked at me, her head tilted as if she could sniff out my lie.
***
The servants were gone, and all three Illyrian warriors sucked up all the air in the room. When they entered, I naturally gravitated toward the General. And what has become a habit is his wing curved around me slightly. Nesta stared at us in silence, no detail going unnoticed about her new guests.
“Nesta, we can’t thank you enough, for your hospitality.” Rhysand bows and Nesta lifts her chin. “We come here to ask for a favor.”
“You want to have me host a meeting here with the human queens. My sisters did fill me in.” Nesta’s response was short. I glanced over at Elain and noticed that she was entranced with Azriel and his wings.
Rhys, Feyre and Nesta continued with their conversation when I felt a nudge.  I looked over to Cassian and he had an Orange in his hand and a slice held out for me chewing a slice of his own. I grab the slice and take a bite letting the citrus flavor consume me. He plops another slice in his mouth and picks a slice for me and he continued to do that until the fruit was gone. He threw the peels away and when he returned, he whispered in my ear, “The key to withstanding long meetings is bringing food.”
I stood on my tippy toes and whispered back, “Makes sense especially if each person in the room likes to hear themselves talk.”
He chuckled lowly, “I hope you never have to go to a High Lord’s meeting it’s a room full of people who like to hear themselves talk.”
“Sounds miserable.”
Cassian grinned, “Absolutely insufferable.”
I hadn’t even notice that Elain had left but her voice boomed, “Dinner is ready.”
***
Dinner had been tense. I was tucked between Rhys and Cassian, Feyre sat across from me. The males ate in silence and Elain was asking Azriel questions that he was kind enough to answer about his shadows. Eating my meal, I looked over to notice Feyre made a face as she bit into the food.
“Is our food not good enough for you now?” Nesta questioned with an accusatory look as if Feyre thought little of her. I groaned feeling the pain pulsing in my head.
“Just different than what we have back in Prythian.” Feyre muttered looking down at her plate.
Nesta turned a pointed look to me, “What about you? Is the food still good to you since you’re not them?”
“Can we not do this please.” I pleaded, “We haven’t seen either of you in a year. Please I’m begging. Drop it.”
Elain sat quietly, focusing on her own food, and Nesta clearly decided she wanted to lash out. “I will not. You come here, jeopardize our social standing here, and you two suddenly want to act better than us. I can tell you must enjoy the food, considering you're bigger than I saw you last. And even coming here in matching colors with this rabid beast, it's beneath you, really.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes, nothing new. Nesta was always the first to criticize my weight. She had been doing that for years. A hand gripped my knee and gave it a squeeze, I didn’t need to look to know it was Cassian.
“What are you looking at?” Nesta sneered her gaze meeting Cassian.
“A wicked, vile, woman, who would let her two baby sisters go out in the forest alone to help provide for the family. While she sat and did nothing. Feyre and Y/N were willing to lay down their life to save and protect my people. Both are willing to do it again, so you don’t have to go to war. So, excuse me if I’m not pleased that you are choosing to insult these two remarkable females in my presence. As for Y/N being in my colors. I haven’t made a claim against her. I didn’t even know she was going to wear it though the colors suit her beautifully. Also, there is nothing wrong with gaining weight and muscle, the more of her to love, the better.”
Nesta rose and crossed her arms, “You’re a fool. Do you know that? Aligning yourself with Feyre is one thing. She has excellent survival skills and those could be useful, but Y/N? Death follows her everywhere she goes. She killed our mother.” She gave me a pointed look and it felt like my lungs were going to give out. I couldn’t even feel Cassian’s grip tighten. “She killed a debt collector attacking our useless father. If you three are wise, you would leave her here in the human realm before she becomes your doom. And if you don’t than I wonder why the humans ever feared the fae in the first place.” She turns to me, and tears threaten to come down. “I wish it was you that died that day. Not mother.”
Elain and Feyre rose up from their seats, “NESTA,” they said in unison. My legs were not moving at my command as I jolted from my chair and ran out of the dining hall and out of the manor entirely, ignoring my name being called out.
My feet were moving of their own accord, ignoring the cold bite of the evening as I pushed hard and kept moving. Once I finally stopped and took a breath I looked up and found myself in our old cabin. The wood splintered from when Tamlin barged in, the chipped paint of Feyre’s work. The smell brought back memories of late nights, stiff necks, and pain. The depths I went to just to make sure we had some money on the days Feyre couldn’t catch game.
 I walked into our bedroom, the dresser calling out like a beacon. I sat in front of it and took in my sister’s work, flowers for Elain, Flames for Nesta and Feyre and I shared the third dresser which was painted with a night sky and a cabin with a shadow by the window. Nothing indicating where I belonged.
I wished you died instead of her. The emotions of the day took hold and deafening sobs unleashed from my body as I covered my face in my hands. Wondering what I ever did to cause Nesta that much pain. My sobs were so loud I didn’t hear the door creak open, but I heard footsteps. “Please go away, I don’t want to talk.”
“Well, that’s a shame,” My spine sat up straight at the familiar voice, “I so desperately want to talk to you, Baby.” I turned to find Xavier in the doorway. His hair cropped short, his white uniform pristine and four gashes scarred above and below his cold blue eyes. My breathing was coming in short rapid, spurts.
Another set of footsteps followed, and a hooded figure walked in. Lowering his hood the moonlight revealed another familiar face, Elain’s now fiancé, Graysen, his smile sinister, “Hello, Y/N.”
Chapter 10
Story Tags: @hellodarling1357 @hnyclover @waytoomanyteenagefeels @amara-moonlight @impossibelle @esposadomd @sleepylunarwolf @stressed-reader @kylaisra @marvelouslovely-barnes @magicstrengthandcourage @spideytingley @awkardnerd @donttellthecats @tastydewdrops @vermillionwinter @asweetblueberry2 @bunnyredgirl @homeslices @azriels-mate2 @oksloan3 @wallacewillow0773638 @fandom-crashlanding @writingstreetspirit @hannzoaks @minnieloo @tuggboatfishin @judig92 @atrxidxs @dustyinkpages @secretlyhers @mxblobby @blogforficslol @historygeekqueen @turtleshavesoulmates @scooobies @anuttellaa @earth-to-lottie @slytherintaco @fxckmiup @tinystarfishgalaxy @cheesebookgirl @oucereeng @st0rmyt @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @misslunatic1655 @azrielsmate3 @nebarious @tele86 @chelsiemp @fightmedraco @blackgirlmagicforever @fullmoon-94 @thehighlordishere @jenniferpendragon @ray4hotchner @phoenix666stuff
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wosoragebaiter69 · 9 months
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you don’t have to be perfect
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barça fem x teen!reader, lucy bronze x teen!reader
request: here
A/N: also i would just like to say, if anyone has any feedback for my writing it’s greatly appreciated cuz i’m not the best writer ik that but i want to improve.
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It was apart of the contract I first signed with Barcelona that I continue my studies and finish school. Not ideal, but I get by with around 80% and sitting on a B for most my classes. What I didn’t factor in was the amount of stress I would have on top of the League and UWCL games when exams and assignments from 6 different classes were coming up. That’s hard on a 17 year old.
I felt myself start to drift away from everyone in the 2 weeks before mayhem. First it was denying to go out with the younger girls like Salma and Vicky, both of whom understood. Vicky being the same age as me and Salma only 2 years older than us. Then as expectations rose, classes became longer and filled extra information. All the time I wasn't on the pitch, I was studying. Or sleeping. (we dont talk about how even thats being cut down to maximum 5 hours a night).
Living with Lucy meant that she was bound to catch on to what was happening. It was inevitable. She took me under her wing when I first arrived along with some of the older girls and since I don’t speak Spanish natively, I was told to go with Lucy who was told to keep an eye on me. It’s nice, when you don’t want her to worry about how you’re ignoring everyone and have bags under your eyes whenever she sees you. She really does try her hardest to get me to do anything that’s not over analysing and over-studying the numerous topics, but no matter how much it pains me. I always turn her down.
After another night of studying until 2am, there’s an early morning training session and I know I’ve only gotten 4 hours of sleep. If I told the medical staff I’m sure they’d pale.
I’m aware that I probably look like death walking, but it doesn’t bother me. If I pass with above average grades, I’m happy and I know my actual parents will be too. I ignore the concerned looks that Irene and Alexia give Lucy, and get changed ready for the training session.
It’s gruelling, the lack of sleep from the past 2 weeks has finally started to catch up. When I least needed it to. Maybe I am working too hard. It’s too late for that though. I know I’m being watched by the captains, acting for a little bit longer won’t do much harm. Can it?
When the third water break rolls around, I sit on the floor and flop onto my back, closing my eyes. Too tired in the moment to do anything other than breathe. The sunshine above me dulls as Lucy and Alexia stare down at me. When I open my eyes. My captain has a raised brow, while my roommate has her arms crossed.
“Y/N, get up please. Now.” It’s Lucy who speaks first. I don’t give in. What’s their problem?
“No. I am fine where I am thank you very much.” I bite back. Lucy looks like she’s trying to hold herself together and Alexia looks furious. Unconsciously, I sink into myself hoping the ground could swallow me up.
“Nena, we won’t ask again.” The spaniard says, her voice low as she sticks out her hand.
I reluctantly take it, pulling myself up and staring at the two in front of me.
“Come.” Alexia says blankly, leaving no room for argument before walking toward the main building. I sigh, doing as she says or I know I won’t hear the end of it. Lucy trails just behind me, her jaw set and making sure I don’t run away.
When inside I’m placed on a couch, wishing and praying to any extra-terrestrial being that I can leave this confrontation. What is it even about? Why am I here? I’ve done nothing wrong.
“So, we noticed you’ve been pushing people out. You also look dead.” Classic Alexia, straight to the point.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I look away.
“Really? Because when I go to bed, which is around midnight and sometimes 1 if I’m doing other work. Your light is always on. You better fess up now before we make you do extra laps, and clear all the equipment from training.” It’s Lucy this time, starring daggers into me. Still, I don’t let up.
“Maybe I left the light on.” I shrug. “And why do we have to do this right now? I have 2 exams tomorrow. So, if I may. Let’s finish training so I can get to study and do other things.”
“This is exactly what I’m talking about Y/N. You’re deflecting absolutely everything we say. You’re not taking the information in. I get you’re stressed but that doesn’t mean you isolate yourself.” She pauses, sighing deeply. “We are going home right now. You will not touch your school work, this has gone on for long enough. I know Alexia agrees with me.”
“Before you argue, just think. Is this really the best way I could’ve prepared? Yes nail in, do the study for good results. But also remember to utilise the support system you have, the team, the coaches, take a break.” By the end of the rant I feel tears well in my eyes. I feel someone hug me and I can tell who it is by the obscurely large hands.
“Nena, go home with Lucy. Get some rest, and not only will you feel better but it gives your brain a break. When the week is over we can talk more but for now go.” The Catalan smiles warmly. I nod my head saying thanks before walking with Lucy to the car.
“Do you feel alright? You do look very pale.” She places her hands against my face and frowns. “No temperature. I’ll get some food into you and we’ll have a rest day. Just us.” I nod slowly staring out of the window as my mind races.
When we get to the apartment, no conversation is made and I immediately go and take a shower. It’s there that I cry and let all my frustrations out, the stress finally taking its toll on my mind.
When I’m dressed and ready I walk out to the smell of pancakes and Lucy sitting on the couch with Narla next to her. She hears me and turns her head around, eyebrows furrowing at the state I’m in.
She pats the open spot next to her which isn’t taken by the Westie and hands me a plate, which I accept gratefully.
It’s a comfortable silence, but I know she’s waiting for me to say anything. And this time, I do.
“I’m sorry Luce.” My voice is quiet and more high pitched compared to what it normally sounds like.
She smiles lightly.
“Hey, these things happen. You’re smart, just as Alexia said give your mind a rest and you’ll do better. Myself, Keira, the rest of the team only want the best for you and your well-being. Let’s not talk about this now, take it step by step. You’ll be ok.” I nod wiping freshly formed tears as she pulls me into a big hug, giving the rest of her pancake to Narla who eats it happily.
- - - - -
And ok it would be. I end up playing Fifa with Lucy the rest of the day before eventually falling asleep against her. As for the exams, I pass by with good grades and after everything’s done the team takes me out to a restaurant to celebrate. As much as I deny it, this team is the most important thing to me. I love and adore them all so much.
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icbgwy · 2 months
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not strong enough ꕥ kwon jae-sung x fem!reader
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synopsis : with the seikai teikai only allowing six participants from each dojo to join, you start to reconsider the role karate might play in your life, much to your boyfriend’s dismay.
genre : angst
warning(s) : shouting, micommunication, ambiguous ending.
It was midnight, and the two of you should’ve been in bed resting to get up early for training at dawn, but Kwon had decided to take it upon himself to sneak out with you and celebrate his upcoming departure to Barcelona for the Seikai Teikai. 
The moon cast a glow on the mountain tops, a place you both had discovered together, somewhere to escape the watchful eyes of others. 
You sat next to Kwon, admiring his features while simultaneously debating on whether to tell him of your future plans. His face was loaded with excitement as he talked lively about the upcoming tournament. 
You felt guilty for what you were about to do knowing how it would ruin the sweet moment between the two of you, but keeping it in any longer felt like torture. You couldn’t keep lying to him.
“Kwon, I need to tell you something… I’m quitting the dojang and moving back to Seoul,” you said, your voice trembling. You cringed at the words leaving your mouth, making the decision in your head all too real. There’s no turning back now. 
It took him a while to register what you’d said. He looked at you with confusion written all over his face. “Wait, why!? You want to leave the dojang?” he asked in bewilderment.
You reached for his hand, your thumb tracing over his knuckles riddled with scars from the intensive training that Sensei Kim had no problem giving out. She was one of the many reasons on your mental list for wanting to leave. 
“I know we said we’d do this together, but I—” you tried to explain to him, but he cut you off, pushing your hands away as he stood up abruptly. 
His anger was getting the best of him. He couldn’t understand where this was coming from. Everything was going so well. Why would you want to leave him the dojang?
“But you what? Huh? Tell me why!” he demanded, his voice rising with each word, echoing in the quiet night. 
“I don’t have a future in karate, not in the same way you do at least. I’m not strong or passionate enough for it,” you embarrassingly admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.
“But you are strong! I‘ve seen it myself.” He tried to reassure you hoping it would make you stay.
“You’re only saying that because you’re my boyfriend. I’m weak. Sensei Kim and Sensei Kreese know it too, even if they don’t say it. If I was as strong as you say I am, I would be going to Barcelona with you, but I’m not.” You looked down as you fidgeted with your hands, scared that if you didn’t, you’d start crying.
Kwon’s jaw clenched in frustration, pacing back and forth trying to regulate his anger with some breathing technique you had taught him when you first started dating. The memories of those early days together flooded back in his mind making him all too vulnerable to his own tears.
After some time, he sat down next to you, and in a low, exasperated tone asked, “Why couldn’t you wait until after the tournament to quit or at least tell me? Why does it have to be now?” He looked into your eyes, his filled with desperation and yours filled with guilt. The reality of the moment pressed down on you, making it hard to think.
“I can’t keep lying to you Kwon, it’s not fair the both of us. I can’t waste any more time chasing a future that isn’t plausible. I’m fine with not being the strongest, but I need to move back to Seoul and start getting ready for the suneung.” A sense of ease washed over you as you finally spoke the truth, but it was quickly replaced by the ache of seeing Kwon’s reaction. His eyes were glossy, and his eyebrows wrinkled in concentration making sure his tears didn’t spill.
Kwon let out a heavy sigh. “We’ve come so far together. Why can’t we keep going?”
“I need to find my own path, even if it means leaving you and the dojang behind,” you replied.
He sat in silence for a while, his mind racing as he tried to process your words. Finally, he spoke, his voice barely audible. “I’ll miss you.”
“I know you will, but just know I’ll be cheering you on. No matter where you are. I’ll miss you too,” you replied, your heart breaking at the thought of leaving him. He looked at you, his eyes searching for something, anything, that could change your mind. But deep down, he knew this was something you had thought long and hard about. The silence between you was heavy, filled with all the things left unsaid.
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© icbgwy all rights reserved. do not repost, modify, steal, plagiarize, or translate my works on any platforms
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multi-fandoms-posts · 2 months
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Part 2
Imagine:
Your master shows you who is behind the mask.
18+
It has been almost a year since my master confessed his face and his love to me.
I'm training and I didn't realize that Qimir was right behind me until two arms suddenly wrapped around me and I jumped. "Qimir," I laughed, and he gently kissed my neck.
Qimir is so gentle and caring, but I also know his brutal side, which comes out especially in battle when it comes to me. "My beautiful wife," he smiles, and I turn around. "My perfect Husband," I smile. "Why are you up so early?" he asks, nudging my nose with his. "I couldn't sleep, and I didn't want to wake you up," I say, brushing the hair out of his face. "You've been having so many nightmares lately," I say worriedly. "I'm fine," he says, taking my hand in his. "Please tell me what's wrong," I say, and he sighs. "I have nightmares about losing you," he whispers. "On the last mission... damn, I would have lost you if I hadn't been fast enough," he says, looking away. My heart aches at his words. "Qimir," I say, putting my hand on his cheek. "You were fast enough. You saved me,” I say, stroking his cheek.
We stayed outside for a while before going back inside.
I'm sitting on the couch while Qimir fixes his mask since he was gone yesterday. I've decided to meditate a bit and close my eyes. I listen to Qimir's heartbeat and smile. After a short while I feel him coming closer and watching me. "You're staring," I smile and open my eyes. "How could I not with such beauty?" he grins and I feel myself blushing. Qimir sits down right behind me. "What's going to happen..." he interrupts me and starts kissing my neck. "Concentrate," he whispers in my ear. "It's a bit hard," I say. "Try it," he grins, and I close my eyes.
I feel his hand moving further and further down until "Qimir," I moan. He grins against my neck and rubs two of his fingers at my entrance. "Already so wet for me," he grins.
"Move Please," I cried.
"Patience," he whispers and gently bites my earlobe. Then he moves to my neck, bites gently and pushes two fingers into me at the same time. "Qimir," I moan and feel his hard cock on my back.
For a moment he doesn't move his fingers at all, I try to move, but he suddenly holds me in place. "Be patient," he growls in my ear. "Or should I punish you?" he growls and pushes his fingers almost completely out before pushing them back in with a jerk. "Shit," I moan.
Qimir moves his fingers slowly at first and then faster. Just before I come, he stops and pulls his fingers out. "Qimir," I moan. He gets up and gives me a hug before we go to bed properly. On the way, he somehow managed to take off my clothes.
He lays me down on the bed and I sit up a little and take off his shirt. I admire his muscular upper body. He quickly stands up, takes off his pants and boxers and his cock pops out. I bend forward, but he pushes me back. "No games. I want you now," he growls and is on top of me again.
I feel him at my entrance and my breathing quickens. He pushes just the tip into me. "Qimir, please," I moan and try to move my hips so he can go deeper, but he holds me tight. "Behave yourself," he growls and the next moment he's thrusting deep into me. "Qimir," I moan and cling to his back. "Shit," he growls and puts his forehead on mine.
"You feel so tight," he growls, biting my neck. "Please, move." I breathe heavily and he grins. "It's going to be a long morning," he says, pulling almost completely out of me before slowly entering me again.
We lie next to each other, drenched in sweat. "Shit, that was so hot," I breathe heavily and hear Qimir laughing. He pulls me closer to him again. "I love you," he smiles. "I love you too," I say and kiss him.
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wileys-russo · 1 year
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small intimate interactions II l.williamson x reader
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this one might just be up there with some of my fave fics i've written so far small intimate interactions II l.williamson x reader
"can i help you with anything cheffy?" you turned to the voice of your best friend, meeting her beaming smile with one of amusement. "i don't know, can you?" you teased the older girl at her lack of culinary skills making her scoff and hold a hand to her chest in offence.
"i come in here offering myself and my services to you and you mock me, you know now i think you can do it all alone!" leah scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest and looking dramatically off into the distance, though she still made no move to leave the kitchen.
"and yet, here you still are." you grinned tossing a tea towel at the blonde which landed on her head. "ow! leah." you squealed as she flicked you with it, sending a sharp crack around the room and a mischievous smile in your direction.
"take the tray of chicken out of the oven please, if you can manage that." you teased her, turning back to what you had going on the stove. "yes chef!" leah saluted with a serious nod, grabbing the oven mits from beside you and doing as you'd asked, careful not to burn herself or drop what you'd spent the last couple of hours preparing.
"need a hand?" steph appeared next closely followed by jen, both girls looking at you with raised eyebrows as you flittered around the kitchen.
"if you could start taking everything out to the table and get the girls to take a seat would be great, thank you!" you smiled appreciatively, starting to dish everything else up and chuckling as you heard a strong scottish accent scream that dinner was ready from the table.
"i could have done that jen!" you laughed as the woman only grinned with a shrug, helping steph to carry everything out. "it all looks delicious, as always you've gone above and beyond. our little hostess with the mostess!" leah kissed at your cheek fondly causing them to heat up as you turned away from her, attempting to hide your blush.
the english skipper been your best friend for a few years now, having gravitated toward you from the very moment you moved from australia and signed with her beloved arsenal.
seeing your obvious nerves at joining the team and the lingering homesickness of moving so far away from everything you'd ever known she'd offered to help you get settled and given you your very first tour of london.
and once you got to know one another properly you followed each other like a shadow, one very rarely ever seen without the other much to the teasings of all of your friends about codependency issues.
the two of you had always had quite an affectionate friendship but it wasn't anything that raised any sort of red flag for you, after all you'd always been a touchy person with your close friends back home.
so you never thought anything of it when leahs hand would intertwine with yours as you'd walk somewhere together, or gently brush your thigh as you sat beside one another in the locker room, or even how closely the two of you would sit pressed together and practically on top of one another on the bus to games, avidly chattering away.
it didn't seem out of sorts when you'd cuddle up together when watching a movie or would have regular sleepovers and share the bed at one anothers homes, or when her long arms would wrap around your waist from behind and she'd cling to you tiredly after a particularly brutal training session.
the two of you would regularly mess around with one another, play fighting and pushing, poking and wrestling like hyperactive school children.
you'd often spend your sleepovers not even sleeping, instead laying down backwards on the bed, legs draped against the headboard and heads hanging off the edge of the mattress as you spoke about anything and everything, suffocated by your laughter at how utterly absurd your topics of conversation would become as time gradually ticked into the early hours of the morning.
it wasn't out of sorts for her warm lips to press fondly against your cheek or forehead, or for her slender fingers to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear as you rambled on about something. in fact the english girl could read you like a book, always knowing exactly what you needed sometimes before you even knew yourself.
none of that felt weird for you, or at least it didn't until you'd gone out for a nice meal with a small handful of the girls after training one evening, though you were minus leah who was unwell and had headed right home to sleep.
it was then that steph had casually asked when you and the english skipper had started dating, sending you into a flustered spiral. you'd of course denied it right away and asked why the older girl had even thought that, your national teammate rapidly back peddling at her mistake and apologizing profusely at her assumption.
caitlin however had taken a much less apologetic approach, stating that it was obvious to absolutely everyone but you and leah that the two of you were clearly and hopelessly in love with one another.
katie and beth backing her up right away it sent your cheeks bright red and you'd left the restaurant early, needing some fresh air and to go home and sort out the immense wave of emotions which washed over you at the thought of loving your best friend as anything more than just that.
that was around a month ago and you'd tried your very best to push it to the back of your mind and carry on as you always had with the blonde.
though now things that once seemed like a comfortable second nature for you raised alarms that hadn't been there previously, leahs slender fingers tracing shapes on your bare legs as you watched a movie and they sat stretched across her lap. or her arm draped across the back of your shoulders as you curled into her side on the lounge, even just the lingering hugs you two shared at every greeting or goodbye that maybe lasted a minute or two too long to just be friendly.
each and every small intimate interaction left you reeling and your mind a disgustingly complicated mess of overthinking. you had no idea what you were going to do about it, especially given that you couldn't even work out within yourself how you felt about the blonde.
you'd always loved her, but the thought of being in love with her was a foreign and terrifying one, and something you avoided dwelling on at any and all costs.
it seemed easier that way, to just be in sheer denial of anything at all changing or shifting, to just carry on as you always had which was of course an impossible task.
it left you clouded with doubt and plagued with the ever prominent and growing fear that acknowledging any of this could mean losing leah all together, in every capacity.
"oh there's another tray in here, do you want me to take it out?" the taller girl realized as she went to close and turn off the oven. "oh those are yours! i almost forget, yeah if you could please." you nodded, flicking off the stove and quickly running the now empty pots under some cold water, leaving them by the sink to be dealt with later.
with eight hungry footballers in your home that you were about to feed and entertain you were sure you could whip them into an assembly line to help you clean up later.
a lot of you not having had the chance to spend any sort of quality time together since the season had commenced you'd invited a few of the girls around for a dinner party. you'd always adored hosting and cooking for those you treasured, it was one of the main ways you showcased your love, and your team mates were always the most grateful of guests.
after all as they often said the way to someones heart, was through their stomach.
"you made me smileys?" leah grinned in disbelief as she grabbed out the tray and her crystal blue eyes lit up at the sight of the much cultivated childhood food.
"yeah, i know you don't like most of this so i wanted to make sure you'd actually get something to eat." you glanced over your shoulder with a sincere smile, not an ounce of teasing in your tone as leahs cheeks now flushed bright red at the sweet gesture.
"i'd have eaten. i always love your cooking!" she defended, quickly turning around to move them onto a plate to hide her flushed cheeks.
"that's because i only cook things that i know you eat whenever you come over lee, your palette is like my four year old niece. though even she can handle some mayo." you teased, bumping your shoulder into leahs as you appeared beside her, moving the chicken onto a serving platter with some tongs.
"oh i miss her! can we facetime her again soon?" the blonde asked hopefully and you nodded, the young girl just as much a fan of leah as leah was of her, even though she'd only briefly met her when she was in australia for the world cup it seemed to be an instant connection.
"my mum keeps asking when you're going to actually come to australia for a proper visit and not just for something football related." you chuckled with a small shake of your head, the woman forever on your case about not having met half of the people you held dear in your second home, much as you tried to remind most of them had their own lives and families scattered across the world to spend their minimal time off with.
"i'm just waiting on an invitation." the older girl smiled teasingly as you smacked her on the shoulder. "please like you don't know you'd always be welcome, i'd love to show you round properly. sometimes i swear you know me better than i know myself, plus my family already adores you and they've only technically actually met you like twice that wasn't over the phone!" the words slipped casually off your tongue and in the moment you thought nothing of it, but the thought of your family accepting her and you showing her around what she knew was your favorite place in the whole world had sent leah spiraling.
"i do apologise for the lack of ham sandwiches tonight though, tesco was all out." you grinned, nodding for her to join you as you grabbed the last of the food and headed for the table where the rest of the girls were sat and ready, leah shaking it off as she followed you out.
"you guys seriously couldn't wait?" you laughed at how most of them had already dished themselves up a plate, placing down the chicken in the middle of the table as forks clashed to grab at it. "some of us did!" steph rolled her eyes gesturing to herself and viv who indeed had empty plates.
"your loss, it is delicious!" laura grinned among a mouthful of pasta, viv sternly telling her not to talk with food in her mouth before she and steph dished up for themselves and you took your seat in between leah and beth.
"oi why's leah get her own special food!" katie realised the small mountain of smileys on leahs plate in leus of any of the other sides with a scowl.
"cause she doesn't eat most of this." you answered for her with a shrug, smiling gratefully at jen who handed you back your plate piled high with food from the other end of the table. "so she gets special treatment cause she eats like a weeun?" katie rolled her eyes and tried to snatch one, your hand reaching out to swat the irishwoman away on leahs behalf.
"smileys! i've not had those in years." beth gasped as the table errupted over leahs seemingly controversial meal, the blonde covering her food protectively as multiple hands tried to snatch at it.
"did i not cook enough food for the rest of you that you all feel the need to complain about one tiny thing?" you called out loudly over the top of them with a raised eyebrow, the complaining ceasing and immediately replaced with a shower of compliments sent your way.
"much better." you grinned, shoveling a forkful of pasta into your mouth as everyone settled, normal chatter resuming as you all enjoyed one another's company.
"thank you, you're the best." leah murmured quietly, her hand landing on your thigh and squeezing gently, pressing a grateful kiss to your cheek before turning back to her conversation with laura.
the blush coating your cheeks didn't go unnoticed by your australian teammates, both sending you a knowingly smug smile as you glared back at them from across the table, kicking caitlin harshly in the shin as she began to make kissy faces at you.
"ow, fuck you!" the older girl hissed quietly, trying to kick back at you as you tucked your legs under your chair, her feet instead finding poor beths ankle who cursed her out for it.
the rest of dinner passed through rather uneventfully, and sure enough it didn't take much convincing to have them all band together to help you clean up afterwards, the group of you now gathered in your living room piled on top of one another.
"-please don't be in love with someone else! please don't have somebody waiting on you!" you and beth belted out, twirling one another around as you sang the rest of the chorus.
all of you far too wound up after dinner for a movie you'd opted to bust out the karaoke machine some the girls had bought you for your birthday earlier this year instead.
"I was enchanted to meet youu!' you sang loudly, handing the mic to steph and collapsing basically on top of leah as beth finished off the final two lines, the blonde serenading a very rosy and loved up looking viv.
"what a natural, you're really wasting your life away as a footballer my girl." leah teasingly fanned you as you posed, head dropping onto her shoulder. "god its exhausting being hot, funny and talented." you sighed dramatically as steph and katie were next up and started to sing cruel summer.
"at least we can tick humble off the list then." leah grinned down at you as you smacked her chest halfheartedly. "hey can i stay tonight? i don't think i can be bothered driving home and i've hardly seen you this week with my rehab amping up." leah asked quietly and you nodded without a moments hesitation, moving around so your head was in her lap and your legs draped over laura who sat wedged on the other side of you avidly chattering away to jen.
"you missss me!" you sung out with a grin, wiggling happily as the blonde rolled her eyes and forced a sigh. "i mostly miss your king size bed and massive tv, don't flatter yourself." the older girl pinched at your cheeks as you pulled faces up at her.
"you missed me too though, just a little." you held up your thumb and pointer finger leaving a decent gap in between. "more like-" leah pushed them closer together so there was hardly a gap as you gasped and leah tangled a hand in your hair with a soft smile.
"you wound me lee, and after i made you smileys and invited you oh so graciously into my home!" "i have a key so really i'd just let myself in if there was no invitation, plus you always eat all the snacks at my house so consider us even." "i do not! i'd like to contest that accusation." "i, the honourable judge williamson, hear your case and find you....guilty." "wow i don't even get a lawyer?" "you don't even get a phone call kid, lock her up boys!" "i would like to once again point out that i am only exactly eleven months younger than you leah catherine." "the key word here being....younger." "you're truly insufferable sometimes you know that?" "oo that was a big word, where'd we learn that one from?" "your mum actually, when we were speaking about you." "i'd love to argue that but really i'm quite certain she likes you more than me sometimes." leah sighed with a shake of her head, covering your smug looking face with her hand and shaking your head to and fro for a second before you pushed her off with a grin and a teasing wiggle of your eyebrows. "oh speaking of she wants you to come round for dinner soon, something about missing you? i can't relate though, she's not yet been around you enough to know how positively irritating you really are." "fighting words for someone who just asked to sleepover because she missed me." "i don't remember the words 'i miss you' ever actually leaving my mouth?" "crazy, i just heard them?"
"excuse me lovebirds, we're gonna head off!" your cheeky smiles both dropped at beth's words and leah frowned as you picked your head up out of her lap and quickly shuffled away as if burnt by her touch.
most of the girls all agreeing to head off after checking the time you were yanked out of the small bubble you'd previously occupied with leah, standing up and walking most of them out, leah hugging her friends goodbye before sitting back down on the lounge.
"you not leavin?" katie frowned, lingering behind as leah looked up from her phone and shook her head. "nah gonna crash here, i'm tired." the blonde shrugged, eyebrows furrowing at the look on the irishwomans face at her word.
"what? i stay here all the time." "i know...exactly my point." "and what is your point?" leah asked the brunette with a sigh.
"why don't you just tell that poor girl you love her? the two of you do this little dance around your feelings every day and surely thats exhausting?" katie crossed her arms over her chest as leahs face flushed with embrassment.
"i don't feel that way about her. i wish you'd all drop this you're making it weird between us and its not appreciated, she's my best mate!" leah denied with a firm shake of her head, though she knew the words leaving her lips was a filthy lie, and katie did too.
"yeah leah, she's your best mate so just talk to her. whats the harm in that? i see the way you look at one another, i really don't think you'll be left disappointed." the older girl smiled sincerely, squeezing her shoulder supportively and striding out of the room.
which left leah to sink back into the sofa with a deep and troubled sigh, alone with her thoughts as she dragged her hands down her face and tossed her phone beside her, her head swimming.
unbeknownst to the defender you'd been cornered in the kitchen and given a similar talking to by your national team mates, both girls like older sisters they'd known you for years and made an avid point of stating they'd never seen you look at someone the way you looked at leah.
and similar to katie they pushed you to just talk to her about it, affirming they saw the way you both interacted and it was obvious to everyone that neither of you were being honest with one another, and over time things would eventually boil over if that continued to be the case.
though shortly after you'd waved everyone off and shut your front door for the final time, dead bolting it and flicking off the lights one by one as you made your way back to the living room.
not even needing to ask leah was already on her feet and following you to your bedroom as the rest of the house was engulfed into darkness. "oh hello gorgeous." leah breathed out as she belly flopped into your bed, sighing as the memory foam melded perfectly to her body.
rolling your eyes at her you disappeared into your wardrobe, grabbing out some of leahs clothes from your drawers, the two of you having spent so much time at one anothers homes you had clothes and belongings littered everywhere at each place.
"oi!" leah yelled out as the bundle of material hit her in the face where she lay down on your bed, peeling the hoodie off her face and sending you a look of disdain as you only grinned and dipped into the bathroom to change and wash your face, leaving her to do the same.
both of you now changed you settled into your bed where leah had already loaded the wizard of oz on the tv, the movie a favourite of both of yours making you clap happily as leah clicked play.
after around a half hour you found yourselves already tangled with one another, not an uncommon occurrence as you'd grown to be incredibly comfortable around one another over the years.
leahs head resting on your sternum the older girl was entranced by the consistent rising and falling of your chest beneath her, one hand tucked under her head as the other sat dormant on your hip, pointer finger lightly stroking the slit of tanned skin where your shirt had ridden up slightly.
your left arm had slipped up the back of her hoodie, nails scratching gently at the bare skin of her back, your right hand lay tangled in her hair which she'd pulled up into a messy bun, absentmindedly tracing circles on the back of her neck with your thumb.
as much as leah was relaxed and would normally be humming along to each song as she could hear you doing, internally she was a flustered mess, shocking herself with how still she kept her body despite how freaked out she was by her conversation with katie.
it lead her to overthink every little interaction she'd had with you, worrying if she'd ever made you uncomfortable with the small intimacies you shared almost daily.
which then just lead her to stumble blindly down the path of how she felt at all the silent ways you showed one another how much you cared.
like the way you'd lean in and fix her collar when it was crooked on nights out, or how she would always grab your boots for you when you inevitably left them behind after training or games.
how you'd hold your hair up and ask leah to put on your most prized necklace for you after you'd had to take it off for a game, or the way you'd mess about with her fingers and twist her rings sometimes when she knew you were overwhelmed.
or how leah knew you would always underestimate how suddenly british weather could change, never bringing a jacket when you needed to so she made sure to always drape hers over you instead.
or how occasionally you'd demand leah stay still as you ever so gently collected a stray eyelash off her cheek, holding it out on your pinky and ordering her to make a wish before you'd blow it away with a soft smile.
so caught up in her thoughts leah hadn't even realised the movie had finished, only yanked back down into reality as you nudged her and called out her name. "you okay?" you asked her with a concerned frown, noticing she was clearly out of it as leah wordlessly nodded.
pulling her head off your chest you quickly withdrew your hands from her body, shuffling backwards a little as the two of you settled in your new positions, laid on your sides and looking right at one another.
"have i got something on my face?" you teased quietly at her staring, leahs lips curling into a smile. "no its ugly as ever don't worry." the blonde quipped with a smirk, flicking at your ear as you gasped and kicked her.
which suddenly jolted the pair of you from your previously calm and settled state, leahs cold hands tickling at your sides as your laughter echoed around the room making her grin. yanking them away you pinched at her hips, the two of you smacking and slapping one another around giggling manically like naughty kids, hushing one another as if worried you might be caught out and told off at a moments notice.
"no!" you grunted out with a laugh as leah tried to sit on top of you, her slender fingers digging into your ribs mercilessly with an evil smile. wiggling your body furiously beneath her you shoved her off, quickly straddling her hips right as the blondes back hit the mattress.
attempting to pin her hands down was a pointless task as the stronger girl interlinked your fingers and pressed your hands together, trying to throw you off of her as her knee pushed into your side, causing you to collapse back into the bed with a loud pelt of laughter.
both of you now struggling to breathe among your giggles you called a truce, chests heaving and faces flushed bright red from the rumble, leahs head turning to admire your side profile momentarily.
feeling her gaze on your cheek your eyes flickered sideways, meeting her curious look as your laughter slowly ceased and you found yourself lost in one anothers wondering orbs.
for once her mind finally quiet leah ever so slowly began to lean in, her eyes flittering between you and your lips.
your heart hammering in your chest you made no move to stop her as the two of you edged closer and closer into one anothers personal space.
your lips now just milimetres from one another you turned your head ever so slighty, your nose brushing against leahs as the blondes tongue ran across her lips somewhat apprehensively, eyes seeking out any sort of green light from you before she made her next move.
before you could withdraw your mind from its scattered places leahs arms were around you, her hold familiar and comforting. though at the close proximity of your nervous bodies you felt again the rush of helplessness, the sinking yielding, the surging tide of worry that what happened next could make or break the two of you.
"can i kiss you?" "please."
consent gained leah closed the tiny gap between you, rosy pink lips soft and alluring as they pressed against your own. leahs head spun at the dizzying sensation of her mouth molding perfectly with yours, ravishing in the feeling of kissing you.
her hand moved to rest on your cheek, palm rough and callous but her touch tender as you lent into it, tilting your head slightly as leahs breath caught at the new angle.
her tongue traced along your bottom lip, dipping in the small cracks and grooves, your lips slightly chapped but still so plump and inviting as they moved in rhythm against her own.
her insistent mouth was parting your shaking lips, sending wild tremors along the tips of your nerves, evoking from you sensations you had never known to be capable of feeling from the simple action as her tongue swirled around your mouth sending you into a silent frenzy.
you'd kissed people before obviously, but never ever had one plunged you into such a swimming giddiness that spun your head round and round, almost drowned in the overwhelming pleasure of the small but intimate act with someone you trusted so dearly.
then suddenly, lungs screaming and vision foggy you both surfaced for air, lips parting from one another with a slight pop as your chests heaved and your eyes scanned one another features for the first sign of any kind of reaction.
"we should talk about that." you were the first to speak, voice cracking slightly as leahs eyes dropped back down to your lips which seemed to be calling to her like a siren from the very moment they departed her own.
"yeah...we should."
though it seemed that was all that needed to be said as now much more feverishly your lips smashed into one anothers, your hands tangling in leahs hair as hers traced down the curvature of your back, drawing your body closer into her own as your bare legs tangled, kicking down the sheets exposing your bodies more to the chill of the brisk autumn evening.
and it seemed that without really needing to talk about it, the two of you had finally unlocked what would become the much more apparent act of intimacy between the two of you.
that wasn't to say future conversations wouldn't happen, but right now as your bodies began to greet one another in an entirely new fashion you'd both got the confirmation you'd been struggling for oh so desperately that the internal battle wasn't one sided.
and one day you'd lay down together and laugh that all it took was some stupid smiley face potatoes.
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