#and i havent slept properly in ages

[soggypotatoes]

up at 3am having anxiety attacks when I have a really long day tomorrow and also the day after and also the day after and also.. uhh I don't have any rest days planned until January 🙃 and probably not even then bc I have to housesit for 2 different people and honestly I'm not capable of that but I can't back out of it cause neither of them will be able to find anyone else. so. killing self

[smileymoth]

Im gona take a nap because i am good as dead

[vadergf]

If I take a half hour nap do u think dt would start streaming

[cupcakeslushie]

You mentioned in a recent ask that whatever the foot did to him made him crazy angry all the time and after they rescue him the 2nd time he gets a bit better. And that chart you made a lil while ago about who makes everyone the most soft had leo at most peoples last few because of his angry outbursts (i know its not that streamline this is just for the sake of the question)

Does anyone warm up to him more after he gets better/is rescued a second time? Like how does his relationship with everyone change?

(Forgive me if this ask is jank i havent slept in 2 days but i can get these boys outta my head)

Probably the biggest relationships for Leo that get better are Raph and Splinter. Now that his anger isn’t always directed at them, Raph and Leo especially can spend more time together without things blowing up! And unlike the show, since Leo is more serious much sooner and more rarely allows himself to act his age (i.e. silly), Raph can kinda rely on Leo more, and they almost share the older brother duties.

The mom vibes™️ almost double when Leo and Raph finally learn to properly team up.

[sleepinghollowsthehead]

hiii :D im ok! going back to school tomorrow so not too happy about that but hey, maybe itll be alright! hope your weekend was good :>) and awwe, dont feel embarrassed okay, its normal to get flustered in situations like that. maybe you needed that rest~? sometimes sleeping all day can be replenishing heh (wouldnt know as i haven't slept properly in ages xx)

have a nice week yeah!! <3

oh school sucks!!!! i havent been for a good while.. im sure it wont be too bad for you<33 and omg it happens every time i speak to someone gahhh people are so scary.! my sleep schedule is abit fucked rn like always..hopefully youll be able to get some good rest soon<3

thanks:D you too!!

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

ok bc im fucking exhausted tho and havent slept for ages im gonna take advantage of this. and like. i mean. i dont write so idk how helpful this would b 4 me. but. i think itd b cool 2 know this nonetheless in the future. so. what it feels like 2 go 30 hrs w no sleep. errrr. well. after about 24 hours i was like. tired as FUCK. i felt physically sick and like. not good. and i was so exhausted and not even in a sleepy way but just in a way it felt like everything was just giving up on me. time also felt like. it was going wrong. an hour would feel like a minute or 5 minutes would feel like fucking forever. i felt rllyyyyy heavy and just generally disorientated. anddd now im 30 hours in. and im less like that. dunno if its bc i concentrated on playin stardew valley or bc i had a meal. but now its just. i feel sorta. spiky on the inside. my eyes feel sharp and both wide and like. closed. at the same time. my balance is realllyyyy off but when i walk it feels less like im a million pounds heavy and goin all over the place. it feels more like. cant feel shit. and i didnt even feel like my balance was off til i almost dropped my plate i was carrying. my body feels sorta like its split into pieces n stuff. anddd my brain is like. im not rlly thinking clearly its more like. i mean normally when i think and im thinking clearly its like theres this big gushing river ending in a little waterfall. and i have a bucket. and its like the water is all my thoughts and the bucket is me articulating them properly. and sometimes i have a rllyyyy big bucket n i catch mostttt the water and sometimes my buckte is tiny. but its essentially the same. when im usually tired its like. er. i forgot. idk. but rn its like. the water is no longer my thoughts the waters just my brain. and im not at the end of the waterfall im to the side of the river. and theres tiny little like. idk floating things. sayyyy petals or smth. all going down the river. and the petals r my thoughts. and im standing at the end of the river fishing out some of these petals at random. and like. putting them beside me. but i feel veryyyy distant from the river. im not in the waterfall and getting soaked and surrounded by water. im off 2 the side and my hands r barely even gettin wet. so. yea thats  what thinking feels like rn. and my feelings r. um. difficult to pinpoint. one i knew for sure i had earlier was guilt. bc of smth my mum said. but now i feel like. Not. Real. yknow. likeee. like im living in a memory rn rather than actual stuff. and er yea. also theres this biggg weight in my chest. its veryyy heavy. and its making breathing a bit of a chore. but yea. thats how being tired after 30 hours of no sleep is. like. er. yeah. ok. bye love u

[iremadestopfollowingme]

i look completely dead inside but at least i can pull it off tbh

[somethingxlittle]

I have no time. When am I going to sleep?

[renaisaibaam]

good nights sleep.

xiao x female reader

CONSENSUAL somnophilia

shy xiao sobs

im writing this drunk help

plot who? just smut

xiao didn't think his first time would end up like this.

hell, this shouldn't even have happened in the first place if it were not to his carnal desires that overtook his body like it was forced to be put on autopilot.

his hips shudder as he continues to pound into your dripping cunt that he's holding up with his hands that were digging into the skin of your own hips, your sleeping, clueless form only making his blood rush to his cock even more than how much that was already in it.

just what exactly happened?

you had already told him about what you were into, and one of them was something he never thought existed until now. being devoured while sleeping.. just how in the hell was he going to act on that? you constantly reassured him that if he ever wanted to that it was fine, but he didn't really remember it. hell, he didn't even take you yet. there is no need to rush, he tells you and himself.

he taps his foot on the floor and looks up, arms crossed as he patiently waited for your arrival. you had informed him that you were going to a party in mondstadt, and that you'd be home late, so here he was, in the couch inside of your teapot's house, the room quiet until he hears the click of the door opening.

"im home.." you called out from the doorway, setting down your shoes on the entrance. xiao peeks from his position, and stands up to walk over to you, giving a kiss on your forehead, an action he has grown accustomed to when you two had started dating.

"how was it?" he asks, coming back down on the couch. you whine and set yourself on his lap, taking off your coat and letting it fall to the floor as you spoke.

"it was so tiring! i'm not having it anymore, thank god venti didn't make me drink or i'd have come home a drunk mess." you pouted and rest your chin on his shoulder, lazily wrapping your arms around him as you closed your eyes.

"well, i'm glad he didn't, otherwise i'd have to take care of you." he laughs and gives your hair a gentle pat, kissing the side of it softly. he notices your breathing getting slower, and you getting slightly heavier, to which he speaks up on.

"are you falling asleep?"

"no i'm not." despite the immediate retort, your tone is quiet and quite obviously drowsy, your body not even moving from how sore you were from walking all day.

"if you're going to sleep, go wash up and change. let's head to bed together." he speaks, lifting you up and taking you to the second floor where your shared room is. he kicks the door, and gently sets you down on the bed, staring down at your figure.

"can you wipe me down and change me? i'm too tired." you yawn and snuggle up into one of the nearby pillows, the adeptus growling at your behaviour.

"come on, don't be lazy now." he tries to nudge you off, but before he knew it, you were now snoring, a sign you were fully asleep and that there was no way to wake you up. xiao sighs in annoyance, but pulls you by your ankles closer to him, starting to take off your clothes despite his earlier protests.

he has seen you naked countless times considering you and him take baths together, but he didn't think about it much. he goes to the bathroom to grab a wet towel, and comes back to wipe you down with it, starting with your arms.

now this is where he starts to have his thoughts.

he never thought about it, but your skin was smooth and soft to the touch. he didn't get to touch it like this. the towel moves down to your neck, making sure to be gentle so he doesn't accidentally choke you. he stares at the skin of your throat, the pretty skin that he wants to mark and leave patches of red, blue, and purples.

he gulps, and trails it down to your torso, trying to shake away the thoughts and continue to wipe you down. when the cold cloth hits your breast, you jolt up and let out a quiet moan, xiao getting a shock from your responsiveness. he was about to stop, assuming you were awake, but when he looks up to see you still asleep, the blood starts to rush to his cock.

what the hell? why did you look like that? is this what you meant by liking this somnophilia you spoke about to him?

he swallows, a rather thick sounding one, and lifts up your leg, wiping down on your inner thigh so he can finally finishing things. his face is red just thinking about it, and his pants are getting tighter by each second. but he comes through, and spreads your legs to properly wipe your crotch, hesitant. he brings the cold cloth down, and when it comes in contact with you, your hips jolt, and this is when all his reason is thrown out the window.

next thing he knows, your legs are up on his shoulders, and your cunt is on his mouth, his tongue feverishly tasting you without any hesitation.

though he was eating you out rather sloppily, it was a surprise that you managed to stay asleep and let your body do the reacting. you were practically dripping on his mouth, and he loved the taste of you. one of his hands holding you up moves to thumb on your clit, the palm of his hand pressing down on your abdomen. though you were asleep and showed barely any reactions, the new sensation from his hand making you let out a whimper and have your hips buck into his mouth.

xiao growls, and lets go of your pussy, letting your hips back down on the mattress. he lets your legs rest on his hips as he starts to unbuckle his pants that had been tight for quite some time now, and feeling his cock be released from the restricting fabric has him sigh in relief, scooting in closer to rub the underside of his cock in your dripping folds.

it's now that he realizes that archons, he's about to take you. in your sleep. your first time with him. but with how far he's gotten, how can he back out?

he lines his tip into your throbbing hole that has been stretched with his tongue, and slowly pushes in, the tightness making him grunt. he looks up at your face to see if you're reacting, and when he sees nothing but a flushed but sleeping face, he pushes himself all in without thinking.

although it was his action, the heat enveloping his cock causes a shock on his body, and if it weren't for his amazing restraint, he would have shot his load inside you then and there. archons, it felt so good. his breathing is heavy, and he looks up, wondering if you had waken up from the sudden penetration.

but you didn't. you were fast asleep, and your sleeping face edged him on to continue.

and so this brings us back to where we started.

his hands lift your hips up to be able to slam his hips into you easily, growling at the new found pleasure he was experiencing. "god, taking her like this in her sleep.." he mumbles to himself as he pounds into your dripping cunt, his nails digging at your flesh. drops of sweat were dropping into your stomach from his forehead, and his breathing was ragged. god, you felt so good around his cock. he knew an addiction to your pussy was forming from this.

he feels his high coming, and his hips move into you in a rushed pace, rutting into you as he finally cums and shoots his load inside you without thinking.

'god, god god god..' he thinks as he slumps down while still being inside you, taking a moment to catch his breath. he was spent and beat. he leans back up, and looks at your cunt thats stuffed with his cock, the sight of it making him shudder. god, so pretty.

he thinks of pulling out, but seeing you makes him think 'to hell with that!' and lifts you up so you sit on his lap, thrusting his hips up into you and continuing ravishing you. the sounds of his cum inside you make the lewdest noises, but it only arouses him further and makes his impact rougher, his arms keeping you up by letting you lean on him.

xiao didn't know how much he played around with your body, but he made sure to clean you up and dress you after he was done. the morning light hits his face and when he opens his eyes, he sees you up and running, looking rather fresh as you spoke in a jolly tone.

"good morning, xiao! god, i havent slept that good in ages!"

he stares at you, and the memory of last night comes rushing in, and his cheeks turn pink, turning even darker when you turn around and make him see his cum dripping out of you through the short shorts he put on you.

[peanut-butter-parkerxx]

plane pillow

where peter planned to play video games with ned through the whole flight but fate decided to take another turn....

*A/N: this isnt related to far from home nor the ending of endgame, just pretend infinity and all the movies after didnt exist since i imagine pete 16 in here. i dont know why 16 i just like that age on him lmao, enjoy reading!*

pairing: peter x reader

status: strangerz (well sort of since they haven't talked to eachother but they're in the same school)

NOT PROOF READ BTW SO SORRY IF THERE ARE ANY MISTAKES

peter's POV

"the flight will be amazing! i heard they'd installed the new game we were talking about" i gushed to ned, excited for the whole flight to be filled with video games.

"im excited" ned stated practically jumping from excitement and i shook my head laughing

"OK CLASS!" Mr Harrington clapped his hands getting our attention "we're boarding the plane in a few minutes so pack your stuff and lets goooo" he pointed at our gate dramatically.

we walked to the gate, scanned our ticket and sat on our assigned seats, ned and i sat on the three seater, he took the window seat by winning a 3 round match of rock, paper, scissors *sighs angrily* and i obvious got the middle, kinda scared of who'll sit beside me though.

we had to wait for a few minutes, since we boarded the flight early. ned and i obviously started playing video games, too entranced by the small glowing screen infront of me i haven't realized a girl.

she hadn't really acknowledged me either because she looked tired, i cursed at the screen for losing the game too quickly and my dumb ass still didnt realize a GIRL, MY AGE, looking PRETTY FUCKING ADORABLE was sitting next to me. oh dear god.

after a couple more games and me being the most idiotic teenager known today for not looking at my right to see her  the flight attendant alerted us that the plane will take off so we the screen will freeze any moment. ned and i decided to sleep, it was very early in the morning and we need to rest if we plan on gaming most of the flight.

i closed my eyes and shifted a bit in my seat, and slept. the plain was moving at the time trying to find the best place to take off. i guess i was really tired that i havent felt someone sleeping on my shoulder.

i was peacefully sleeping still agitated from the uncomfortable seat but i heard a loud noise that frightened the life out of me and due to my spidey senses i sensed a hand on my right, so what did i do? i fucking held the hand. hard, may i add, from the fright.

i opened my eyes quickly and jumped a bit, turning around to see who's the stranger that i held hands with, startled as well. i sighed in relief knowing our plane was safe and it was just about to take off. but then i took a good look on the perso- her, took a good look on her, on her? OH MY GOD ITS A GIRL calm down peter and please dont scare her off. i couldnt stop looking at her and to my luck she was looking at me as well, but none of us spoke

i couldnt help but notice the small part of her y/h/c hair that was shown from her hood looked so shiny and smooth, her eyes were the most perfect shade of y/e/c. the extremely large hoodie looked so comfortable on her which made me think of her wearing one of mine, how big and long it'll look on her body sent butterflies to my stomach. she looked small, and precious so fragile yet she held her body confidently.

the voice of the flight attendant echoed through the speakers which made us both stop our trance of one another. even though the lady's voice wasnt scary it still frightened us. i mean no hate towards miss attendant she called me a cutie and gave me extra blankets

but coz we got startled again we held hands....again looking for the sources of the noise. we visibly relaxed once we realized what it was, looked at eachother and laughed, her laugh was angelic and soft, hands down the best sound ive ever head. she looked rather embarrassed from the encounter but i bet you a thousand dollars i look worse, i could practically feel the blood rush through my cheeks once she realized how long ive stared at her

"i- uhm i-im so sorry for sleeping on your shoulder, and- and holding your hand and stuff" she apologized, it only made me even more baffled by her. how could a voice match with a face so perfectly.

"no no its fine uhh i dont mind *nervous laugh* and for the hand thing i was the one who grabbed yours so i-i should be the one apologizing...im sorry" i rubbed the back of my neck. this is why i dont talk to girls, ever. well mj is an exception since shes like the closest thing i have to a friend other than my best friend obviously.

"i-im y/n, by the way" she lifted her hand properly introducing herself

"peter, peter parker" i shook her hand, it was nice feeling the warmth of her hand again. we probably held hands (for the third time today by the way) longer the we should have but who am i to say i was bothered. i definitely wasnt.

"nice to meet you peter" she smiled shaking our hands one last time then sitting it on her lap. scratch what i said about her gorgeous laugh, hearing her say my name was the best thing ive heard in my 16 year of existence. (her laugh is obviously the second best)

before i could ask anything else, the plane decided to finally take off. i adjusted myself to the seat, not turning to my right side anymore and closed my eyes trying to think of smiling puppies. ive been on a plane before, in fact a private one last year but that was it. this is my second time flying away from new york and i was a bit nervous.

y/n somehow noticed my sudden tense form, who am i kidding i looked like i was about to die coz of my nerves. and held my hand. and i immediately opened my eyes again, the feeling of her skin coming in contact with mine brought chills down my spine, good ones obviously

"you looked rather tense, is this ok?" she leaned into my ear so i could hear her. i looked at her confused on why she would want to help me but nodded as a reply. a smile crept on my face and i couldnt seem to take it off.  the take off went smoothly thank god. and ive occasionally squeezed her hand, usually when the plane made very loud sounds. but i made it! woohoo

i didnt know if i should stop holding her hand or not, even though i didnt want to. will she think im a creep? and if i did, will she think im rude? but i guess it didnt seem to bother her if she went back to sleeping. so i figured i should do the same

i shifted in my seat a couple of times trying to get the perfect comfy spot....nothing. this seat will be the death of m-

"you can sleep on my shoulder if you want" she whispered. "i figured since you let me sleep on yours which im very sorry about, you could sleep on mine" she smiled

"thanks, but i dont wanna bother you or make you uncomfortable"

"oh nonsense! my body is screaming right now cheering for me, well partially scolding at me for saying something risky like that to a good looking guy, its ok" she laughed, her eyes widened in shock from what she confessed. i smiled at her and rested my head on her shoulder

"you think im good looking?" i whispered playing with our fingers, i dont know when i got the sudden confidence but hearing someone like her think a loser like me is cute did something to me.

"shut up" she playfully shoved me and i laughed.

"are you from midtown?" i asked her

"no im from queens" she joked

"oh you're definitely from midtown" i chuckled, next thing i know i was having a normal conversation with me laying my head on a girl i just met like we knew eachother for years, it was nice to talk to a girl i potentially thought was cute instead of talking gibberish

she was very understanding and looked like interested into what i was saying, i was gonna skip my geeky side when she asked about what i like but to my surprise, she mentioned it when i asked her the same, she said she loves comics and likes watching sci fi movies. i asked her if she watched star wars and she said she didnt...yet.

"wanna uhm watch it together?" i played with her fingers absentmindedly nervous if she'd reject me.

"yeah sure" her eyes lit up like she was waiting for me to ask her that. we watched the movie in bliss, thankfully she liked it! and immediately said to put the second one. and surprise surprise, we finished it.

when the credits rolled in, i saw her yawning, shifting in her seat again, i decided to be bold so i lifted her head off my shoulder pulled the arm rest away from us, took a pillow and patted my lap. immediately after doing it i regretted it, she barely knows me, what the fuck peter.

"you sure?" she asked smiling a bit, she looked like she felt something giddy inside which made me feel at peace again and i nodded.

"good night" she whispered snuggling her head on my lap, i hesitantly put my arm over

"good night, y/n" and we fell asleep like how ned slept the whooole time i was talking to her, wow we have a lot to catch up on

bonus:

peters pov

i didnt know the whole plane (our class) practically gushed over my interaction with y/n, i know its been a while since i liked a girl but betty and the rest (including Mr Harrington) practically begged mj to take photos of us since she was the closest, not that she wouldnt have done it without them asking her....

*A/N: idk what this bonus was lmao but i had to add the school feeling happy for our boy pete*

have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening/night!

-quacksonlover

[flynnmoore]

frankly, im having a mid shakira crisis, idk whats happening but it hurts, shakiras music is hurting me

[hungwy]

@ the 2 long fr ask v sorry anon u better read this cuz i typed a lot for u...

full ask:

full disclosure im not really sure where im going with this but i read your wall of text and i’m really curious about your worldbuilding frm a (supposedly, rip) writer perspective !!

you said that you were interested in gods that were more abstract and less anthropomorphic, so perhaps you could expand on that? it sounds like a fascinating concept because often people relate gods to humans somehow (either as all-powerful deities that somehow are capable of human-like reasoning and motivations, deities that can be Understood to a degree by regular human beings, or as concepts that people are already familiar with aka Personified Concept Of Justice or w.e), so it could be interesting to see an exploration of how human beings would relate to supernatural forces they’re not equipped to understand, whose motives and abilities are entirely outside of the scope of current human ideas about the world—humans seem to have a natural tendency to generalize and categorize things down into something they can grasp and work with, so culture evolving around trying to figure out a way to model the world in light of that could naturally breed the divergence between human ideas & Truth About Deities you mentioned.

if you think about it, a lot of things even in our “plain” universe that seemingly obeys scientific laws we’re systematically working on discovering can be pretty awe-inspiring in nature, right?? so many things are so far beyond general understanding that to the uninitiated, they can be pretty close to magic, even if there are ways to dig deeper into them and understand them more (or whatever we consider to be “understanding”). so it’s possible that in your universe the fundamenal forces governing things could be just. different? on a really core level, which naturally sends humans scrambling to make some kind of sense of things. i mean, we already kind of do, with religious explanations stepping in, so perhaps that would be more dramatic in a world where the unknowable is even more fucked and unperceivable to your human societies.

naturally, that might give more power to religion than science, if people have practical experiences that their “science” cannot explain well (maybe because it’s beyond human logic in the first place) & that religion seems to provide some kind of answer for. it might also keep the mysticism; religious belief might require some degree of dedication, which might be a risk in itself if you’re an average person playing with forces no one can properly explain yet. organized science might be struggling to catch up and maintain credibility; but at the core, it could also be that there’s nothing particularly unscientific about the source of what is perceived as magic/“gods”—just that the barrier to perceiving them in a logical and systematical manner with no spiritual aspect to it could be a lot higher, which then tempts people to go with the most accessible explanations. (again, made more tempting if your magic is powerful enough to represent some kind of real danger—framed as “displeasing the gods” or w.e, maybe—or to provide some highly desired abilities, even if their source is misunderstood by human beings thru misframing the entire concept.)

long messy rant aside, very very curious to know more about your ideas !!! do you intend magic to be some kind of old-as-time concept that human beings are slowly developing a relationship with/a deeper understanding of over the ages, where they develop their (possibly flawed) understanding of gods as well?? or is their understanding catalyzed by some specific event, presumably an interaction by said gods with society? do these “gods” have any perception of human society? pls share more if you are inclined to !! :>

(sorry if the rant was overstepping ahh i really got carried away didn’t i)

id like to preface this with i havent slept. PLEASE ask me clarifying questions

i think from a cultural perspective it would make sense for humans to anthropomorphize higher powers in order to relate to it better. even further i think (though i haven't really fleshed out the actual capabilities and motives of gods) gods would have the ability to appear to us as human or human-like. in this essay i typed completely without planning i will construct how.

i first have to consider the form or forms of divinity and how that relates to my -- ideally -- material universe. should i incorporate gods and magic as material phenomena that are observably composed of matter and energy -- or reactions of some sort of transcendent immaterial reality beyond normal human sense and reason? im sort of leaning towards that more spiritual reality. choosing that means id have to explain how incomprehensible, unknowable forces work and interact with comprehensible, study-able forces, which frankly is a lot more complex than just tossing in someone like Zeus.

so the question basically being asked is how does this divine force come to create our world? id basically have to create a whole metaphysical system. maybe i could give credence to panpsychism and say everything has sentience and subjective experience, and some vague actuation by this transcendental force began our universe. this Transcendence that shifts with eternal (but cyclical) change produces some sort of transcendental force which "peaks" as consciousness/sentience/experience (that panpsychism). (the "troughs" of this force are what we'd call other dimensions or planes, and this is where i plan for gods to reside) anyway, this consciousness is our fundamental “thing”, our atom, our quark, our light, whatever; consciousness itself IS the physical world. the shifting of this force means that our universe, too, is in constant (but cyclical) change, and has a regularity that comes with extending from one entity that allows the universe to be systematic and wholly not chaotic. im tempted here to say the Transcendence naturally promotes a balance of consciousness (= material reality) by interfering with those peaks of material reality. now im not claiming to understand the mechanisms of transcendent immaterial reality but certainly i should be able to claim that this universe is a closed system in which exchanges of transcendent force are allowed but exchanges of matter and energy (as we understand them) aren't.

we still have the problem of how we create an entity like a god, and magical forces. Remember that the transcendental force has both peaks and troughs of consciousness and therefore material reality.  Through this dualism of peak and trough (though not really a dualism… ive equated this force to a wave which means that there is GRADUAL change) I can now create two opposing realities: our universe and the antiuniverse. im basically just going to say that the realization of consciousness in the antiuniverse comes in the form of magic (=energy) and gods (=matter). just as with our universe, once you get down far enough the difference between magic/energy and gods/matter isn’t really apparent. it’s all really just a spectrum. Anyway. heres the big big big part: the troughs and peaks connect due to the nature of a wave being gradual. Our world affects theirs, theirs ours, etc. albeit not a whole lot for reasons I don’t care to think about. Matter and energy can travel into the antiuniverse and interact with magic and gods and vice-versa.

SO just gonna throw in here that like humans and rocks some gods will have more animacy than others (more magic) and will be able to purposefully and willfully travel into our universe. when they manifest they must cause some kind of eldritch psychological terror because they are a completely different realization of matter which frankly is probably impossible to comprehend. but more animate gods (more animate than humans) would be able to “correct” their forms into recognizable entities with magic, as id believe if humanity were to transcend their animacy they could rearrange their forms with energy. I think from here we can relatively easily extrapolate what gods are, provide them conscious motivations, create a hierarchy of gods and lesser supernatural entities, explain divine interference, etc etc etc. if you have any questions i can make up more answers!

NOW I can get to your points! youre indeed right that this could be “an exploration of how human beings would relate to supernatural forces they’re not equipped to understand, whose motives and abilities are entirely outside of the scope of current human ideas about the world”. in fact thats exactly underlies what religion will be about. humans wont be aware of another world at all except for a few souls who learned this secret knowledge. humans wont understand theres a massive rift between the strange occurrences that belong to our world and the even stranger occurrences invading it from the antiuniverse. everything is just sort of conflated to gods, ghosts, spirits, monsters. their experience with the physics of magic means that only gods in control of magic can really bestow any magical control to humanity (though id argue everything with consciousness has innate magical potential to some extent).  but here gods could actually be what is the equivalent to displeasement, the unsatisfaction of their intents, the disruption of their motives, etc, and have destructive reactions towards it, just as they can be pleased, satisfied, and complete (though these would just be approximations using human emotion).

[tumblunni]

...i have never been less hype and i hate it

i feel really guilty for not being happy when i mean these games are very pretty and all but all of it just seems to not be grabbing my happy when i got myself SO HYPED for the unlikelihood of something better

like man COME ON

come on man

TWELVE YEARS

almost 13!

sinnoh was fuckin due for a remake back when sun and moon got announced

ive been getting hype and dissappointed at every single goddamn announcement nintendo’s ever made for the last 4 years or so and it never happens and yet they keep teasing it why are there so many official tweets teasing sinnoh if its not fuckin happening im starting to lose hope that it will happen EVER

twelve. fucking. years.

like man we’re almost due for a goddamn unova remake by now!

like man fucking kanto got TWO REMAKES already

like man SINNOH IS THE REGION THAT MOST ACTUALLY NEEDS A REMAKE

its not just im nostalgic its that i want desperately for the generation i love to get any goddamn recognition at all. fuckin gold and silver were already beloved as the best generation even before their remake. ruby and sapphire got some unfair hate for the no transfer between games thing but that died immediately after the first remake happened. neither of them were in this unique situation where they were fuckin DEAD ON ARRIVAL and waiting TWELVE YEARS for resuscitation!

sinnoh failed ENTIRELY not on its lack of appeal as a generation but because of goddamn CONSOLE LIMITATIONS

it was slow, it was buggy, it had buddy green brown palettes, the wifi didnt work. all problems with it being an experimental first ds game by the company. it was fuckin HATED as the WORST GENERATION for so many years and it wasnt its goddamn fault and like seriously its only even become TOLERATED again because of this ‘sinnoh confirmed’ meme that NINTENDO FUCKIN REFERENCES AS IF THEYRE GONNA ACTUALLY DO IT ANY TIME IN THE NEXT DAMN DECADE

fuck i was more hyped for lets go than i am for this. like a second kanto remake was the thing i hated the most but at least it seemed original enough with the goofy new minigame for catching and loads of nice reveals like the return of following pokemon and stuff. this trailer didnt really say anything except hey its a new region hey the starters look generic as fuck. nothing to mitigate the dissappointment

and i feel AWFUL cos i know rationally that this is a great pretty game and nothing about it is actually bad yet and my only complaint is that i only like one out of three starters when i felt the same way about sinnoh itself. its just that feeling ‘meh its probably okay’ isnt what i hoped for. i hoped even if it wasnt what i wanted itd be something else equally as hype? just ‘meh’ has turned into ‘oh god no’ cos man ive been up for 48 hours getting hype for this shit why the fuck am i unable to not get hype even though i KNOW every goddamn time its a dissappointment and it has been for years and it will continue to be every goddamn time

like the highlight of the video was ‘oh an underground area maybe at least theyll bring back the sinnoh underground minigame in another country’

also.. uhh.. bags? i like the protagonist designs a lot and im happy to have the hiker bags cos srsly if i was in pokemon world i would absolutely want to go 100% ham in all ways possible AS YOU CAN SEE BY HOW I CONSTANTLY GET MYSELF TOO HYPED AND ALWAYS DISSAPPOINT MYSELF

and GOD i know im being predictable and i know that probably when i let the grumpiness wear off and get a few hours of sleep i’ll rewatch this and actually be able to notice all the lil details and get properly hype about things and probably by then we’ll know what country its meant to be based on and more info and stuff. like LOL i almost had a heart attack when there was some generally industrial looking stuff and a big ben esque clock tower like im sorry no i REALLY dont want poke-britain even though im british. its like the most cliche generic idea for a region and following on from a great region that gave representation to a nation historically mistreated by britain and america im kinda like hey can we not. like britain region was everyone’s immediate idea for the next ‘white region’ after unova happened and i was still dissappointed that we got france after that and pleasantly surprised that theyd even THINK of doing a non-white western country like hawaii! and it was really great and had loads of stuff based on hawaiian culture and even taught you some hawaiian words and local foods and stuff!! i dont wanna learn about my own country through the sanitized false ‘child friendly’ idea of us being all knights and stuff AS IF IT WAS A GOOD THING. So yeah im not sure what other european country this might be, the outfits make me say possibly holland? but im just real glad that someone other than britain gets to be ‘sword and shield’ and the only british representation we get is thematic elements being used for the design of team plasma’s uniforms. yes thank you we were fuckin colonialist pigs please never glorify our military ever again in any fiction. please never put a sword anywhere near fiction britain unless youre ready to talk about how many indigenous cultures we slaughtered. SORRY IM KINDA GOING OFF ON ONE!! im not like ‘never put my country in pokemon ever’ but if theres any form of specifically HISTORICAL CONTENT in the pokemon version then HOO BOY it would need to be handled carefully and the name sword and shield does not bode well for that so FUCK YES please be holland, please be the other place that has a lot of picturesque farm scenery and also better hiking and also literally everything. it cant be britain cos if it was britain we’d definately have a fuckin sheep or somethin for a starter. srsly tho i am very confused by the big ben looking place, am i just bad at geography and dont know about a similar clock tower in holland that is also associated with red brick industrial buildings and mines? i hope so! either that or maybe its like a combination region of multiple european countries? but thatd be weird since france got to be its own thing. tho honestly i would like it if britain got COMPLETELY ignored except to be one single town that contains the underground minigame, lol

please be holland i love you holland please save me from my rambling awful post WHY THE FUCK am i getting so bad at recognising geography oh yeh cos i havent slept in ages

i love the big bags and the rabbit starter is something ive wanted since i was a lil kid. those are two positives. holland is a third. and its super pretty. okay. i can see all the positive things individually but still somehow my net reaction is a meh because i got too hyped for the wrong thing and also kinda got jumpscared by almost maybe britain I AM SO GLAD IT IS NOT

theory: pokemon world is so idealized and wonderful and beyond us in technology and equality and etc because britain never existed in this universe.

holland stabbed it with a sword

the end

[redafi]

Sometimes i am overly aware of the fact that i have severe trust issues and absolutely no reason for them

like…. Why is it so important to me that my… friends(?) don’t know any of my fandoms beyond the most pg but also age appropriate ones

several of them are into mha, so ill send stuff from that fandom for example, but i panic sending anything from a fandom i know none of them know….

give me a minute while i begin to psychoanalyze myself lol, i havent really slept properly in a while so the mental issues are hitting harder than usual:

(hey this could possibly trigger you if you aren’t on good terms w your parents or any other authority figures. Be careful okay?)

theres just a part of me thats terrified that if my friends(?) know, information on my fandoms will somehow get back to my parents… and my understanding of my parents opinions tends to be shaky at best

in the past, ive gotten the following information (i dont agree with it, to be clear):

- lbgtq+ ppl *apparently* do not need even as much representation as theyre getting, and it apparently doesn’t make sense to support people who do show that representation because it doesn’t tend to be good representation. This came up in a conversation about shipping because both my sibling and i tend to lean towards more common ships…. Which tend to be lbgtq+

- got yelled at for shipping and for reading fanfiction, but they didn’t do anything ab it? Just showed a lot of disapproval

- it is heavily implied that if i read so much as characters kissing in a spicy way, there is no more fanfiction. Luckily for me ive been building up my appearance as someone who hates even the mention of kissing since i was about 6! I really hated the comments about how id get over it when im older so even before i learned fanfics exist, i had decided not to even think of dating until college out of spite.

- I used to get a lot of info on my dad’s opinions during long drives, and learned a lot ab our apparent family drama that absolutely should not have been told to me but was very useful. One of these conversations was my dad saying smth along the lines of how he thinks(thought) bi ppl dont exist. However ab a year later, he no longer says gross when men kiss on screen and apparently his first relationship was w a guy so… internalized biphobia/homophobia?

- my sibling is nb. After they came out, my parents barely acknowledged their pronouns, there was an implied threat when i was told not to correct them, my dad has outright said that they will not be changing what name they use for my sibling. This was around the start of quarantine and being trapped in that situation has completely killed any backbone i had: i reverted to 3rd grade mode lol

(3rd grade mode, blame the teacher my parents did not influence this but:

- disagreements are dangerous, if you need to disagree try to redirect by questioning jokingly with an *extremely* gentle voice

- getting angry can’t happen. Talking people down is the first priority in the case of a disagreement, not defending yourself.

- if it can’t be safely overheard it can’t be said

- basically i stopped feeling anywhere is safe lol…. my parents would never hurt me to be clear im just paranoid when it comes to possible rejection)

wait i got off track but i needed to talk a bit about that, sorry!

Anyways! The opinions of my parents towards lbgtq+ stuff, which is what most of my interactions within fandoms are based on, are hard to figure out. I also can’t risk them looking into fandoms like mdzs and thinking ive been getting into non-pg stuff lol, the chances of my coping methods being taken away are too high.

because of this im quite paranoid ab who in my life has info about my interests: aka my sibling is the only person who has up to half of my list of fandoms, because they honestly dont care and will keep my secrets bc i keep theirs.

this leads to none of the people who are sort-of-friends with me knowing practically anything about me, which does make me sad sometimes

im lonely ):

also im very touch-starved but hate being touched by ppl i dont trust, and theres not really anyone i trust around me? So uh… i could really use a hug lol

[berrymeter]

im so tired gamers. everyday i dont sleep. if i sleep its for 5 hours tops even though i havent slept properly in ages. where's the zzzquil i know they started selling it here.

[ghostboy-00]

i am really bad at handling waiting for something I know is coming but i don’t know when it’s coming. like the anticipation is awful for my mental health, even when the thing coming is something good.

this is why i can’t handle being on hold on a phone call unless im having a really good day, because the anticipation waiting for someone to take me off hold, and not knowing when that is going to happen is pretty much unbearable.

what im dealing with now is more drawn out (snail mail) so the feelings are a bit less intense but at least with being put on hold on the phone i can choose to hang up if i need to. and I know it can only last so long where as this could take much much longer.

I cant stop thinking about it constantly and i feel like i havent slept properly in ages. the earliest it would have been mailed is the 3rd, and i know mail is slow around here, but ever since i found out this was coming (in February) i keep expecting every day to be the day.

I want this to arrive because its probably a good thing, maybe even a very very good thing, but also because i really want to be done waiting for it and feeling like this.